1 00:00:10,614 --> 00:00:13,254 Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mea podcast. 2 00:00:14,094 --> 00:00:17,214 Speaker 2: Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:17,214 --> 00:00:18,894 Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. 4 00:00:21,894 --> 00:00:25,134 Speaker 1: Hey, I'm Taylor Strano. This is Mumma MEA's twice daily 5 00:00:25,214 --> 00:00:29,454 Speaker 1: news podcast, The Quickie. Yesterday mark the start of National 6 00:00:29,494 --> 00:00:33,694 Speaker 1: Missing Person's Week, a time when families, advocates and police 7 00:00:33,854 --> 00:00:37,334 Speaker 1: come together to remember those who are still missing, raising 8 00:00:37,334 --> 00:00:42,734 Speaker 1: awareness and calling for new information. Plus what really happens 9 00:00:42,774 --> 00:00:46,494 Speaker 1: when people cheat or get cheated? On Mamma Mea is 10 00:00:46,574 --> 00:00:50,854 Speaker 1: Cheating survey asks readers why, when and how infidelity happens 11 00:00:51,334 --> 00:00:54,014 Speaker 1: and the red flags we wish we weren't. 12 00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:56,414 Speaker 3: So good at spotting before we get there. 13 00:00:56,454 --> 00:00:58,974 Speaker 1: He is Tarlie Blackman with the latest from the Quickie 14 00:00:59,014 --> 00:01:01,214 Speaker 1: newsroom for Monday, August fourth. 15 00:01:01,654 --> 00:01:05,534 Speaker 2: Thanks Taylor, Australia will provide an additional twenty million dollars 16 00:01:05,614 --> 00:01:09,334 Speaker 2: in humanitarian aid for women and children in Gaza following 17 00:01:09,374 --> 00:01:12,934 Speaker 2: the pro Palestine protests that saw ninety thousand people flood 18 00:01:12,974 --> 00:01:16,694 Speaker 2: the Sydney Harbour Bridge on Sunday. The aid will support food, 19 00:01:16,854 --> 00:01:21,174 Speaker 2: medical supplies and essential services. It includes six million dollars 20 00:01:21,214 --> 00:01:24,854 Speaker 2: for the UN World Food Program five million for UNSEF, 21 00:01:25,054 --> 00:01:27,774 Speaker 2: five million for the Red Cross and four million dollars 22 00:01:27,814 --> 00:01:32,054 Speaker 2: through UK and Jordan partnerships. The Albanese government has now 23 00:01:32,094 --> 00:01:36,174 Speaker 2: committed one hundred thirty million dollars in humanitarian relief since 24 00:01:36,214 --> 00:01:40,494 Speaker 2: October twenty twenty three. The protest, which organizers expected to 25 00:01:40,574 --> 00:01:44,214 Speaker 2: draw ten thousand people, quickly escalated into what police called 26 00:01:44,254 --> 00:01:48,334 Speaker 2: a perilous situation. Protesters were asked to turn back mid March, 27 00:01:48,454 --> 00:01:52,014 Speaker 2: leading to confusion as thousands remained stranded on and near 28 00:01:52,054 --> 00:01:57,014 Speaker 2: the bridge. Famous figures, including Julian Assange and activist Craig Foster, 29 00:01:57,294 --> 00:02:01,534 Speaker 2: joined the rally. Foreign Minister Penny Wong reiterated Australia's call 30 00:02:01,614 --> 00:02:05,894 Speaker 2: for immediate ceasefire and increased aid access, saying the suffering 31 00:02:05,934 --> 00:02:10,254 Speaker 2: and starvation of civilians in Gaza must end. Sinister Anthony 32 00:02:10,294 --> 00:02:14,614 Speaker 2: Alberanizi is resisting pressure to formally recognize a Palestinian state, 33 00:02:14,854 --> 00:02:19,494 Speaker 2: despite growing international momentum. At least twenty seven people were 34 00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:22,974 Speaker 2: shot dead by Israeli forces while trying to collect food 35 00:02:23,054 --> 00:02:26,734 Speaker 2: in southern Gaza on Sunday, and six more died of starvation, 36 00:02:27,014 --> 00:02:31,734 Speaker 2: according to Palestinian officials. Witnesses say troops opened fire on 37 00:02:31,774 --> 00:02:35,654 Speaker 2: a desperate crowd at a Gaza Humanitarian Foundation site. The 38 00:02:35,734 --> 00:02:38,934 Speaker 2: Gaza Health Ministry reported one hundred and nineteen deaths in 39 00:02:38,974 --> 00:02:42,374 Speaker 2: the last twenty four hours. In Tel Aviv, tens of 40 00:02:42,414 --> 00:02:45,814 Speaker 2: thousands rallied on Saturday to demand the release of hostages 41 00:02:45,894 --> 00:02:49,534 Speaker 2: after her Maas and Palestinian Islami g had released videos 42 00:02:49,574 --> 00:02:54,494 Speaker 2: of emaciated captives. US nVoy Steve Whitcof visited Hostage Square 43 00:02:54,654 --> 00:02:58,214 Speaker 2: as pressure mounts on Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Natanyahu to 44 00:02:58,214 --> 00:03:03,214 Speaker 2: reach a ceasepire deal and bring hostages home. Emergency services 45 00:03:03,214 --> 00:03:05,494 Speaker 2: are still searching for a twenty six year old woman 46 00:03:05,614 --> 00:03:09,214 Speaker 2: swept away by floodwaters at Rothbury near Cessnock, as wild 47 00:03:09,254 --> 00:03:12,894 Speaker 2: weather continues to affect parts of New South Wales. The 48 00:03:12,934 --> 00:03:15,534 Speaker 2: woman in Australia on a work visa, was in a 49 00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:18,134 Speaker 2: small car with another woman and a dog when they 50 00:03:18,214 --> 00:03:22,214 Speaker 2: attempted to cross a causeway. One woman escaped and was rescued. 51 00:03:22,694 --> 00:03:26,014 Speaker 2: Since Saturday, the New South Wales State Emergency Service has 52 00:03:26,054 --> 00:03:29,694 Speaker 2: responded to over one thousand, eight hundred incidents. Dozens of 53 00:03:29,734 --> 00:03:32,654 Speaker 2: flood warnings remain in place across the Hunter and New 54 00:03:32,694 --> 00:03:36,614 Speaker 2: England regions. Snow, wind and rain have damaged buildings and 55 00:03:36,694 --> 00:03:40,974 Speaker 2: left hundred stranded. Major flooding is expected in Temworth, Manila 56 00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:45,374 Speaker 2: and Gunada. Australia's Leading Lady is shown at the twenty 57 00:03:45,454 --> 00:03:49,014 Speaker 2: twenty five Logie Awards, with Lynn McGranger taking home the 58 00:03:49,054 --> 00:03:53,054 Speaker 2: covered Gold Logi and Magda Zabanski inducted into the Hall 59 00:03:53,094 --> 00:03:56,574 Speaker 2: of Fame. McGranger, best known for her role as Irene 60 00:03:56,614 --> 00:04:00,574 Speaker 2: Roberts on Home and Away, appeared stunned accepting the top prize, 61 00:04:00,694 --> 00:04:03,694 Speaker 2: capping off a milestone year, as she announced her retirement 62 00:04:03,734 --> 00:04:05,334 Speaker 2: from the long running soap. 63 00:04:05,494 --> 00:04:11,654 Speaker 4: Thirty three years. I've done this amazing show and yeah 64 00:04:11,734 --> 00:04:14,854 Speaker 4: it's a soap, but you know what, it gives Australian 65 00:04:15,014 --> 00:04:19,614 Speaker 4: actors and crew so much work and we are so. 66 00:04:19,494 --> 00:04:20,054 Speaker 5: Proud of it. 67 00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:25,214 Speaker 4: And thirty eight years, the bloody thing's been going for 68 00:04:25,294 --> 00:04:27,934 Speaker 4: it and just won't don't it. It's fantastic. 69 00:04:28,214 --> 00:04:31,254 Speaker 2: Earlier, she won her first ever Logi for Best Lead 70 00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:34,654 Speaker 2: Actress in a Drama, praising the shows and during success 71 00:04:34,774 --> 00:04:39,014 Speaker 2: and its importance to Australian television. The ceremony turned emotional 72 00:04:39,014 --> 00:04:42,014 Speaker 2: when Zebanski unable to attend due to a Stage four 73 00:04:42,054 --> 00:04:45,734 Speaker 2: blood cancer diagnosis received the Hall of Fame Award. Known 74 00:04:45,774 --> 00:04:48,654 Speaker 2: for her role in Katherin Kim, she humorously credited her 75 00:04:48,694 --> 00:04:51,814 Speaker 2: award to forty years of hard work rather than illness. 76 00:04:52,654 --> 00:04:57,574 Speaker 6: Hello, my darlings, I'm so sorry that I can't be there. 77 00:04:58,494 --> 00:05:00,814 Speaker 5: I do have a good excuse this time. 78 00:05:01,494 --> 00:05:03,174 Speaker 6: Normally I don't come because I just can't be bother 79 00:05:03,174 --> 00:05:04,414 Speaker 6: getting out of my pajamas. 80 00:05:04,414 --> 00:05:07,454 Speaker 5: But you know, this time, there really is a real reason. 81 00:05:08,854 --> 00:05:09,494 Speaker 5: I want to say. 82 00:05:09,814 --> 00:05:12,254 Speaker 6: First of all, let's just get this out of the way, 83 00:05:12,374 --> 00:05:17,254 Speaker 6: all right. I've not been awarded this honor because I've 84 00:05:17,254 --> 00:05:18,374 Speaker 6: got the cancer. 85 00:05:18,174 --> 00:05:22,374 Speaker 5: Okay, like I have. I'm getting this because of forty 86 00:05:22,454 --> 00:05:23,454 Speaker 5: years of hard work. 87 00:05:23,774 --> 00:05:27,574 Speaker 2: Comedy series Fisk, created by Kitty Flanagan, dominated the night 88 00:05:27,614 --> 00:05:31,494 Speaker 2: with five wins, including Best Scripted Comedy and Acting awards. 89 00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:35,614 Speaker 2: Other highlights included Ali Langdon winning the inaugural Ray Martin 90 00:05:35,694 --> 00:05:39,854 Speaker 2: Award for Journalism Excellence, an Australian Story taking home Best 91 00:05:39,894 --> 00:05:44,134 Speaker 2: Current Affairs Program. Tennis star Yolena Docketch won Best Factual 92 00:05:44,214 --> 00:05:48,334 Speaker 2: Program for her powerful documentary on Overcoming Trauma. Bluey and 93 00:05:48,454 --> 00:05:52,294 Speaker 2: Lego Masters also scored wins, rounding out a night celebrating 94 00:05:52,334 --> 00:05:54,454 Speaker 2: Australia's rich TV Dyalent. 95 00:05:55,774 --> 00:05:58,814 Speaker 3: Thanks Charlie. Next. National Missing Persons Week. 96 00:06:04,734 --> 00:06:08,334 Speaker 1: It's a week that brings together families, police and communities 97 00:06:08,374 --> 00:06:12,494 Speaker 1: in a shared mission find missing Australians, raise awareness and 98 00:06:12,614 --> 00:06:17,214 Speaker 1: support those left behind. National Missing Persons Week marks a 99 00:06:17,254 --> 00:06:21,054 Speaker 1: critical moment each year for long term missing Australians and 100 00:06:21,134 --> 00:06:22,014 Speaker 1: their loved ones. 101 00:06:22,894 --> 00:06:24,454 Speaker 3: The origins of the week go back. 102 00:06:24,334 --> 00:06:27,734 Speaker 1: To nineteen eighty two, when the disappearance of Tony Jones 103 00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:31,574 Speaker 1: led his family to start campaigning for change. The first 104 00:06:31,654 --> 00:06:35,134 Speaker 1: official National Missing Person's Week was held in Townsville in 105 00:06:35,254 --> 00:06:39,334 Speaker 1: nineteen eighty eight. Since then, it's grown into a national 106 00:06:39,374 --> 00:06:43,894 Speaker 1: campaign coordinated by the Australian Federal Police's National Missing Persons 107 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:49,134 Speaker 1: Coordination Center and police in every state and territory. About 108 00:06:49,174 --> 00:06:52,814 Speaker 1: thirty eight thousand people are reported missing each year in Australia, 109 00:06:53,094 --> 00:06:56,214 Speaker 1: and while most of them are found quickly, around two thousand, 110 00:06:56,334 --> 00:06:59,734 Speaker 1: seven hundred are long term missing, gone for more than 111 00:06:59,774 --> 00:07:06,974 Speaker 1: three months. This year's theme is Forever Loved, focusing on 112 00:07:07,014 --> 00:07:10,654 Speaker 1: the enduring impact of missing persons on fabies and friends 113 00:07:11,054 --> 00:07:14,294 Speaker 1: and the hope of bringing answers to those waiting for news. 114 00:07:14,974 --> 00:07:18,774 Speaker 1: The campaign recognizes the grief and uncertainty loved ones live 115 00:07:18,854 --> 00:07:21,814 Speaker 1: with every day, calling on the public to come forward 116 00:07:21,814 --> 00:07:25,454 Speaker 1: and help if they know anything. Every year, National Missing 117 00:07:25,494 --> 00:07:29,374 Speaker 1: Person's Week highlights eight missing persons cases. I've linked to 118 00:07:29,414 --> 00:07:32,694 Speaker 1: the full list and the missing Person's database in our 119 00:07:32,814 --> 00:07:33,654 Speaker 1: show notes. 120 00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:34,414 Speaker 3: For you to learn more. 121 00:07:35,574 --> 00:07:38,774 Speaker 1: It's important to remember that behind every missing name, there's 122 00:07:38,814 --> 00:07:40,774 Speaker 1: a family desperate for answers. 123 00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:42,334 Speaker 3: Campaigns like this. 124 00:07:42,534 --> 00:07:45,214 Speaker 1: Encourage people to come forward, no matter how mine of 125 00:07:45,214 --> 00:07:49,214 Speaker 1: the information may seem. Often that's what leads to breakthroughs. 126 00:07:49,894 --> 00:07:52,534 Speaker 1: Before we switch gears, it's important to note you don't 127 00:07:52,574 --> 00:07:55,334 Speaker 1: have to wait twenty four hours to report someone missing, 128 00:07:55,614 --> 00:07:59,614 Speaker 1: and going missing is not a crime. If you do 129 00:07:59,694 --> 00:08:02,414 Speaker 1: have any information about a missing person, you can contact 130 00:08:02,494 --> 00:08:06,774 Speaker 1: crime stoppers or your local police. As Commander John Cameron 131 00:08:06,854 --> 00:08:09,934 Speaker 1: from the AFP Forensic Command says, delivering c closure to 132 00:08:09,974 --> 00:08:13,334 Speaker 1: the family of a missing person can be everything. 133 00:08:13,974 --> 00:08:17,654 Speaker 7: The families themselves who can finally put closure to their matter. 134 00:08:17,814 --> 00:08:20,414 Speaker 5: That feeling of relief can't be underestimated. 135 00:08:20,734 --> 00:08:23,494 Speaker 7: But I also balance that with the other families that 136 00:08:23,534 --> 00:08:26,134 Speaker 7: are still left their waiting, and it can actually be 137 00:08:26,334 --> 00:08:29,854 Speaker 7: quite a moment to stop and reflect. Each year for 138 00:08:29,974 --> 00:08:33,614 Speaker 7: these families, that unfortunately still don't have any resolution to 139 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:37,534 Speaker 7: the missing case of their loved one. 140 00:08:40,734 --> 00:08:45,134 Speaker 1: Just about everyone has a story of infidelity now that 141 00:08:45,214 --> 00:08:47,894 Speaker 1: can look different to all of us. Maybe you've been 142 00:08:47,974 --> 00:08:51,054 Speaker 1: cheated on, Maybe you've done the cheating or been the 143 00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:55,054 Speaker 1: other woman. Perhaps you've comforted a friend who recently discovered 144 00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:58,934 Speaker 1: their partner was unfaithful. If none of that sounds like you, 145 00:08:58,934 --> 00:09:01,774 Speaker 1: you might be wondering, well, why do people cheat anyway? 146 00:09:02,734 --> 00:09:06,494 Speaker 1: Elizabeth Shaw is the CEO of Relationships Australian New South 147 00:09:06,534 --> 00:09:10,894 Speaker 1: Wales and a practicing clinical psychologist incount. We asked her 148 00:09:10,974 --> 00:09:12,294 Speaker 1: why she thinks people cheap. 149 00:09:12,694 --> 00:09:15,574 Speaker 8: There are some people who, in their heart of hearts 150 00:09:15,694 --> 00:09:19,014 Speaker 8: never really are going to be monogamous. They just won't 151 00:09:19,014 --> 00:09:21,414 Speaker 8: admit to it or won't admit that to their partner. 152 00:09:21,574 --> 00:09:24,814 Speaker 8: And so it's a small proportion in research of people 153 00:09:24,854 --> 00:09:28,854 Speaker 8: who are really playing the game, because they often do 154 00:09:28,934 --> 00:09:31,214 Speaker 8: really want the person they've committed to and they don't 155 00:09:31,214 --> 00:09:34,214 Speaker 8: want to compromise that, but they really don't feel they 156 00:09:34,254 --> 00:09:37,774 Speaker 8: can be monogamous. Then there are the majority of people 157 00:09:37,974 --> 00:09:41,094 Speaker 8: who might engage in something opportunistically, the you know, the 158 00:09:41,094 --> 00:09:44,214 Speaker 8: classic being away at a conference kind of moment, all 159 00:09:44,254 --> 00:09:47,254 Speaker 8: the way through to people who have parallel relationships, and 160 00:09:47,334 --> 00:09:49,374 Speaker 8: there are people who have an affair, which is the 161 00:09:49,414 --> 00:09:52,414 Speaker 8: sort of leaving the relationship affair that is really telling 162 00:09:52,454 --> 00:09:54,134 Speaker 8: them I'm out of here and I should have been 163 00:09:54,134 --> 00:09:56,854 Speaker 8: out of here before now. So in that middle group, 164 00:09:56,934 --> 00:10:00,334 Speaker 8: the majority of people who do something that they perceive 165 00:10:00,414 --> 00:10:03,294 Speaker 8: to be a mistake, they often will say, look, there 166 00:10:03,334 --> 00:10:06,174 Speaker 8: was nothing wrong with the relationship as such, I got 167 00:10:06,174 --> 00:10:08,974 Speaker 8: caught up in something, And there is a seduction in that. 168 00:10:09,574 --> 00:10:12,734 Speaker 8: Sometimes there is a real contrast of the person that 169 00:10:12,774 --> 00:10:15,774 Speaker 8: they're working with where there is a real intellectual spark 170 00:10:16,214 --> 00:10:19,654 Speaker 8: that isn't necessarily where things are out at home, So 171 00:10:19,774 --> 00:10:22,294 Speaker 8: there is a seduction in a different part of me 172 00:10:22,494 --> 00:10:25,854 Speaker 8: is coming alive. You have to work hard to say 173 00:10:26,374 --> 00:10:28,654 Speaker 8: how do I keep this going? And you have to 174 00:10:28,654 --> 00:10:31,894 Speaker 8: build a narrative like my partner's busy or my partner's 175 00:10:31,934 --> 00:10:34,214 Speaker 8: less interested in sex. You have to come up with 176 00:10:34,294 --> 00:10:37,574 Speaker 8: a justification why you don't turn your energies there. It 177 00:10:37,654 --> 00:10:40,574 Speaker 8: means then when the affair ends or they feel threatened 178 00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:43,414 Speaker 8: by the loss of the relationship, that's a lot of 179 00:10:43,534 --> 00:10:46,374 Speaker 8: energy to switch back on because you're suddenly looking at 180 00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,134 Speaker 8: someone that you haven't invested in. 181 00:10:48,934 --> 00:10:51,094 Speaker 1: We put the call out to hear about your stories 182 00:10:51,094 --> 00:10:54,614 Speaker 1: of infidelity, and in return, mumami r readers wrote in 183 00:10:54,734 --> 00:10:57,654 Speaker 1: with stories of heartbreak and hard won clarity. 184 00:10:58,374 --> 00:10:59,854 Speaker 3: Many people talked about the. 185 00:10:59,774 --> 00:11:03,734 Speaker 1: Gut punch sensation of learning a partner has cheated, whether 186 00:11:03,774 --> 00:11:07,574 Speaker 1: it was a nagging suspicion confirmed or being suddenly blindsided. 187 00:11:08,174 --> 00:11:10,774 Speaker 1: There were some recurring behavior, views and themes that kept 188 00:11:10,854 --> 00:11:13,574 Speaker 1: showing up in your answers. Our News and week In 189 00:11:13,734 --> 00:11:17,134 Speaker 1: editor Rafaeler Chicarelli has been crunching the numbers from the 190 00:11:17,214 --> 00:11:21,214 Speaker 1: cheating survey. Raffaela, there were a couple of consistent things 191 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,694 Speaker 1: that kept coming up in survey responses. 192 00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:24,774 Speaker 3: What were they? 193 00:11:25,094 --> 00:11:27,854 Speaker 9: One of the red flags that did feature most prominently 194 00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:31,334 Speaker 9: was changes in phone habits, and this could take the 195 00:11:31,374 --> 00:11:36,294 Speaker 9: form of becoming more protective of devices, changing lock screens 196 00:11:36,374 --> 00:11:40,494 Speaker 9: and putting passwords on certain apps, leaving their devices in 197 00:11:40,574 --> 00:11:42,694 Speaker 9: the office away from the reach of kind of that 198 00:11:42,814 --> 00:11:46,494 Speaker 9: home setting. I found that very interesting. Another one that 199 00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:49,774 Speaker 9: really kind of caught my interest was several readers said 200 00:11:49,774 --> 00:11:53,294 Speaker 9: that there were changes to personal grooming, so suddenly becoming 201 00:11:53,374 --> 00:11:56,334 Speaker 9: more concerned with their appearance, going out and splashing out 202 00:11:56,374 --> 00:11:59,694 Speaker 9: on some new outfits, taking better care with their hair, 203 00:11:59,814 --> 00:12:01,934 Speaker 9: and various kind of beauty regimes. 204 00:12:02,574 --> 00:12:04,534 Speaker 1: This is not to say that if your partner is 205 00:12:04,614 --> 00:12:06,814 Speaker 1: being a little bit sucks with their phone, or they've 206 00:12:06,854 --> 00:12:09,534 Speaker 1: gotten a haircut and have started wearing really nice color, 207 00:12:09,774 --> 00:12:11,854 Speaker 1: that's not to say that they are cheating. However, given 208 00:12:11,854 --> 00:12:14,294 Speaker 1: our survey responses, that just was a recurring theme. 209 00:12:14,654 --> 00:12:15,654 Speaker 9: Yes, exactly. 210 00:12:15,774 --> 00:12:15,854 Speaker 6: So. 211 00:12:16,054 --> 00:12:17,934 Speaker 9: Look, if you notice one of these things in isolation, 212 00:12:18,134 --> 00:12:21,654 Speaker 9: obviously not an immediate cause for alarm bells to start ringing. 213 00:12:21,734 --> 00:12:24,574 Speaker 9: But of the responses that we did get, these were 214 00:12:24,614 --> 00:12:27,294 Speaker 9: the reoccurring red flags along with the one that you 215 00:12:27,334 --> 00:12:30,854 Speaker 9: would expect, such as becoming more distant, more disinterested in 216 00:12:30,934 --> 00:12:32,534 Speaker 9: their partner's life, and things like that. 217 00:12:33,534 --> 00:12:35,374 Speaker 1: Yeah, what were some of the other things that people 218 00:12:35,454 --> 00:12:39,254 Speaker 1: told us about their journey with infidelity if they'd been 219 00:12:39,334 --> 00:12:41,734 Speaker 1: cheated on, or maybe if they'd done the cheating themselves. 220 00:12:42,054 --> 00:12:45,094 Speaker 9: One of the things that did come through quite prominently 221 00:12:45,254 --> 00:12:48,214 Speaker 9: was just how painful it is having that moment of 222 00:12:48,254 --> 00:12:51,494 Speaker 9: that betrayal. And you know, it might come via having 223 00:12:51,574 --> 00:12:55,814 Speaker 9: long held suspicions confirmed or being blindsided, but really, when 224 00:12:55,894 --> 00:12:58,414 Speaker 9: people took the time to fill out their responses. It 225 00:12:58,454 --> 00:13:01,334 Speaker 9: was having to reassess that relationship and that moment of 226 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,454 Speaker 9: I should have trusted my gut or looking back, yeah, okay, 227 00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:07,214 Speaker 9: maybe there were signs that I did miss. So it's 228 00:13:07,294 --> 00:13:09,774 Speaker 9: really kind of that. I think the respondents found having 229 00:13:09,774 --> 00:13:13,014 Speaker 9: that retrospective look back kind of cathartic in a way. Yeah. 230 00:13:13,054 --> 00:13:15,694 Speaker 1: I feel like for anybody who has been cheated on 231 00:13:15,814 --> 00:13:18,534 Speaker 1: in the moment, it's like all of the oxygen has 232 00:13:18,574 --> 00:13:21,294 Speaker 1: been sucked out of the room. And sometimes it does 233 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:23,294 Speaker 1: take quite a while for you to come to terms 234 00:13:23,294 --> 00:13:25,974 Speaker 1: with or to reconcile with what's happened, whether you've chosen 235 00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:28,534 Speaker 1: to stay with that partner or you've moved on from 236 00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:31,494 Speaker 1: that relationship. But I think you're right when you revisit it, 237 00:13:31,534 --> 00:13:33,894 Speaker 1: and I hope for some people who revisited it via 238 00:13:33,934 --> 00:13:37,494 Speaker 1: the survey there was a sense of closure almost from that. 239 00:13:37,774 --> 00:13:39,894 Speaker 9: Yeah, or just a sense of being able to help 240 00:13:40,054 --> 00:13:43,574 Speaker 9: other people from their own experiences. And look, the experiences 241 00:13:43,654 --> 00:13:46,654 Speaker 9: were so varied. We had some people had a six 242 00:13:46,734 --> 00:13:50,374 Speaker 9: year relationship that then moved into a long distance relationship 243 00:13:50,374 --> 00:13:52,814 Speaker 9: for a couple months, and that's when their partner cheated 244 00:13:53,174 --> 00:13:55,494 Speaker 9: or a partner came back from the shops in a 245 00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,854 Speaker 9: bad mood and they started asking probing questions and that's 246 00:13:58,854 --> 00:14:01,094 Speaker 9: when they all I found out that there was another 247 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,614 Speaker 9: woman involved. It's so many different experiences, and I really 248 00:14:04,654 --> 00:14:07,734 Speaker 9: am grateful to every single person that did take the 249 00:14:07,774 --> 00:14:10,134 Speaker 9: time to form because it couldn't have been nice for 250 00:14:10,214 --> 00:14:10,974 Speaker 9: visiting all of that. 251 00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:14,334 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you've alluded to it a little bit there, Raphaela. 252 00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:17,934 Speaker 1: But there's no real standard size fits all when it 253 00:14:17,974 --> 00:14:19,654 Speaker 1: comes to cheating and infidelity. 254 00:14:19,774 --> 00:14:19,934 Speaker 4: Right. 255 00:14:20,214 --> 00:14:22,694 Speaker 1: Did you find that there was like a typical age, 256 00:14:22,814 --> 00:14:26,814 Speaker 1: or sex or even a relationship duration when people found 257 00:14:26,854 --> 00:14:28,654 Speaker 1: out that they were being cheated on? Or is it 258 00:14:28,694 --> 00:14:31,094 Speaker 1: really just that it can happen almost at random. 259 00:14:31,414 --> 00:14:33,254 Speaker 9: Look, I think what did come out is just the 260 00:14:33,334 --> 00:14:36,374 Speaker 9: random nature of all of this. I mean, the reasons 261 00:14:36,414 --> 00:14:39,534 Speaker 9: for cheating that lies with the cheaters. We didn't have 262 00:14:39,614 --> 00:14:44,014 Speaker 9: that perspective showcased in this form. The age groups were 263 00:14:44,014 --> 00:14:48,054 Speaker 9: pretty split and very varied. The highest percentage of respondents 264 00:14:48,774 --> 00:14:51,334 Speaker 9: was thirty eight point five percent across the thirty five 265 00:14:51,414 --> 00:14:53,854 Speaker 9: to forty four year old age bracket, but from there 266 00:14:54,054 --> 00:14:56,534 Speaker 9: it was a very even twenty percent split across the 267 00:14:56,574 --> 00:15:00,094 Speaker 9: remaining age brackets. So there really is no kind of 268 00:15:00,214 --> 00:15:03,134 Speaker 9: way to predict it. One of the overarching messages that 269 00:15:03,174 --> 00:15:05,934 Speaker 9: we did get was that if you do suspect it, 270 00:15:05,934 --> 00:15:08,614 Speaker 9: trust your gut. There's a reason that you're feeling that way. 271 00:15:08,734 --> 00:15:11,814 Speaker 9: Don't let your part to dismiss your concerns or your feelings. 272 00:15:12,734 --> 00:15:15,974 Speaker 1: As for the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater, 273 00:15:16,414 --> 00:15:18,374 Speaker 1: well Elizabeth had this warning. 274 00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,014 Speaker 8: Look, I think the efforts you have to go to 275 00:15:21,934 --> 00:15:26,454 Speaker 8: cheat requires a great deal of mental gymnastics to get 276 00:15:26,454 --> 00:15:29,374 Speaker 8: your head around it. So there's a lot of justification 277 00:15:29,974 --> 00:15:33,254 Speaker 8: that goes into it in terms of your own position 278 00:15:33,374 --> 00:15:36,294 Speaker 8: and reasoning for doing it, and also the reasons you 279 00:15:36,414 --> 00:15:39,774 Speaker 8: have against the other for doing it, And so all 280 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:43,854 Speaker 8: the labor that goes into developing that narrative in your 281 00:15:43,894 --> 00:15:47,934 Speaker 8: head can obviously be reused for the next situation. 282 00:15:49,374 --> 00:15:51,614 Speaker 1: Thanks for taking some time to feed your mind with 283 00:15:51,694 --> 00:15:54,654 Speaker 1: us today. Hey, you to read more about our cheating survey, 284 00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:57,134 Speaker 1: including some of your stories, there'll be a link in 285 00:15:57,174 --> 00:16:00,614 Speaker 1: the show notes. The Quickie is produced by me Taylor Strano, 286 00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:04,174 Speaker 1: and Talie Blackman, with audio production by Lou Hill.