WEBVTT - Killer Instinct

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mother Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

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<v Speaker 1>the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast

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<v Speaker 1>is recorded on. This episode deals with domestic violence and miscarriage.

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<v Speaker 1>Listener discretion is advised. Not every relationship is perfect christ

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<v Speaker 1>none are, really, but some of far less perfect than others. Unfortunately,

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<v Speaker 1>though she didn't really see it at the time, that

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<v Speaker 1>was the type Alice found herself in.

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<v Speaker 2>Like little fights and little problems started to rear their head.

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<v Speaker 2>And I had had one of my previous roommates put

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<v Speaker 2>me aside and say, you know, I'm noticing that you're

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<v Speaker 2>not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more, and

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<v Speaker 2>like he just doesn't care.

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<v Speaker 1>But she loved him. Isn't that what we hear so often?

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<v Speaker 1>You let things slide, you ignore the little things in

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<v Speaker 1>pursuit of more of the great times. But what about

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<v Speaker 1>when they're not just little things anymore but insteaded something really,

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<v Speaker 1>really big.

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<v Speaker 2>I've just said to him, she's going to end up

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<v Speaker 2>ruining your life, Like this girl's going to jail.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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<v Speaker 1>Come with me As we dive into a collection of

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<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who lived them. Alice's story

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<v Speaker 1>starts like many others before her, and no doubt like

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<v Speaker 1>Minnie water Come. She was in her mid twenties and

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<v Speaker 1>had just gone through her first proper breakup, so decided

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<v Speaker 1>to branch out a little further and that's when she

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<v Speaker 1>met Ted.

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<v Speaker 2>So I was a bit heartbroken, and that person was

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<v Speaker 2>still in my friend's group. So I was going out

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<v Speaker 2>and meeting new people just so I wasn't always around.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's how I met Ted, just through some people

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<v Speaker 2>that I hadn't hung out with in a while to

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<v Speaker 2>hang out with them, and I met him and he

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<v Speaker 2>seemed really, really lovely. There was like a mutual friend

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<v Speaker 2>that was sort of like, oh, he's such a nice guy,

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<v Speaker 2>and I know you've been through a rough time and

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<v Speaker 2>he'll take care of your sort of thing. I was

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<v Speaker 2>still pretty much going out partying and having fun, and

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<v Speaker 2>he was at some of the parties and hey would

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<v Speaker 2>be like, he gave me his jumper because I was cold,

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<v Speaker 2>and hey, he didn't have a jumper for the whole

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<v Speaker 2>night and it was a cold night, and things like that.

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<v Speaker 2>He took me out on a date and he brought roses.

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<v Speaker 2>Kind of blown away by that. We went to the movies,

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<v Speaker 2>I think, and he brought like the movie ticket for

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<v Speaker 2>me without asking, and that had never really happened to

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<v Speaker 2>me before. So I was like, oh, you know, that's

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<v Speaker 2>so nice, and yeah, you know, it was just really

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<v Speaker 2>stayed really sweet. He wasn't the normal type of person

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<v Speaker 2>that I would date. He seemed a little bit nerdy,

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<v Speaker 2>and yeah, just seemed sweet. He wasn't in the thick

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<v Speaker 2>of it, if you know what I mean. At parties

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<v Speaker 2>and stuff. He was sort of just in the background

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<v Speaker 2>the best way I can describe it. But like if

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<v Speaker 2>he did anything, he was kind of quiet. But if

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<v Speaker 2>he did anything, it would be like he would jump

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<v Speaker 2>in and buy someone to drink and they didn't even ask,

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<v Speaker 2>or you know, if he went to a party, he

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<v Speaker 2>would just buy a cart and for everyone nobody had asked.

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<v Speaker 2>He would come pick me up in his car and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, hey would take me out and he refused

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<v Speaker 2>to let me pay for anything. We went to like

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<v Speaker 2>a market and he saw me looking at something and

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<v Speaker 2>he just brought it, didn't as just brought it for me. See, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I was sort of blown away because I'd always gone

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<v Speaker 2>halves in every other relationship or in some of the relationships,

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<v Speaker 2>like I was buying stuff for the guy because we

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<v Speaker 2>were all quite young and so some of the guys

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<v Speaker 2>was dating were still like doing apprenticeships and stuff. So yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I was just sort of I'd never been treated like

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<v Speaker 2>that before.

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<v Speaker 1>It's fair to say she was pretty smitten. So soon

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<v Speaker 1>enough they made it official.

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<v Speaker 2>It sort of just happened. People were really happy for me.

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<v Speaker 2>He hadn't been on a relationship for a very long

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<v Speaker 2>time for years and years, so people were really stoked

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<v Speaker 2>for him that he had a girlfriend and that we

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<v Speaker 2>were together, and people seemed really happy, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>really excited to introduce him to my friends, and they

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<v Speaker 2>seemed to really like him, and he just seemed like placid,

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<v Speaker 2>so like he would just get along with everyone. Because

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<v Speaker 2>obviously a lot of my friends were still friends with

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<v Speaker 2>my ex at the time, and our whole friendship group

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<v Speaker 2>we're all friends with each other. But yeah, so a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of I was a bit worried how that would go.

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<v Speaker 2>But it was fine. Everyone was fine, so, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it just seemed easy and that sort of regard. So

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<v Speaker 2>we lived in Queensland, and we used to go like

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<v Speaker 2>out full driving a lot and camping and stuff. So

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<v Speaker 2>that was really enjoyable. And both his set of friends

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<v Speaker 2>and my set of friends were into that, so that

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<v Speaker 2>was good because we kind of all integrated. And then

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<v Speaker 2>more friendship sort of sprouted off that I lived out

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<v Speaker 2>of home and he didn't, and I'd been living on

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<v Speaker 2>my own for years and Hayde never moved out and

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<v Speaker 2>he wanted to move out, and so he moved in

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<v Speaker 2>with me within six months, and my roommate I thought

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<v Speaker 2>that was quite quick at the time, but then I

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<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, you know, it's obviously just the right thing,

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<v Speaker 2>Like it's the right relationship. That's why it's happening so quick,

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<v Speaker 2>and that's why it feels right. It wasn't just the

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<v Speaker 2>two of us, it was a house full of roommates

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<v Speaker 2>as well, so yeah, but that I remember saying, like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I would never have done that normally, but

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<v Speaker 2>it just feels right. It was fun because it was

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<v Speaker 2>a big party house. You know, we're in our twenties.

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<v Speaker 2>We're all drinking all the time and partying and going

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<v Speaker 2>camping and for driving, and we lived out in the country,

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<v Speaker 2>so it was just this big group of friends always around.

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<v Speaker 2>We were like a couple, but we were in this

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<v Speaker 2>big friendship group and there was always people around. And

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<v Speaker 2>we lived with a bunch of people. So we did

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<v Speaker 2>all these activities and they were fun and we enjoyed it,

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<v Speaker 2>and we were always out somewhere or doing something, but

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<v Speaker 2>there was always other people around.

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<v Speaker 1>This was a heap of fun, but not really maintainable

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<v Speaker 1>long term. Well, I guess that depends on what you'd

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<v Speaker 1>consider long term. Alison Ted did this for five years

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<v Speaker 1>before they decided, right, it's time to grow up and

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<v Speaker 1>move out on our own.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. We started looking found a house that we liked.

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<v Speaker 2>It needed a lot of work. It was a fixer upper,

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<v Speaker 2>but we discussed it and said, yeap, we can renovate

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<v Speaker 2>this and make it our house. And so so we

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<v Speaker 2>brought that and yeah, we moved in there. I was

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<v Speaker 2>really excited to have my own space. We did invite

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<v Speaker 2>like a couple of people to come live with us,

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<v Speaker 2>but once we had the house on our own, we

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<v Speaker 2>were like, oh, no, this is nice to have your

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<v Speaker 2>own place. So, yeah, it was. It was exciting and

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<v Speaker 2>I thought we're going to get in here. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>you're so young, you don't realize how hard it is

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<v Speaker 2>to renovate a house, but you know, you think, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>you're going to jump in there and renovate it and

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<v Speaker 2>it's going to be great, and you know, just really

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<v Speaker 2>it was only a small little house. But I remember

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<v Speaker 2>sitting in there with our friends after we moved in,

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<v Speaker 2>like eating pizza on the floor. We had no furniture,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, we had a couple of things. You're thinking

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<v Speaker 2>about how big the house was. It's tiny, but you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I just remember like, oh, wow, this is our sort

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<v Speaker 2>of feeling. We moved in and straight away I painted

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<v Speaker 2>the house and we did a little rental of the

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<v Speaker 2>kitchen and all this sort of stuff. So I was

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<v Speaker 2>just really really excited, yeah, to make it our own

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<v Speaker 2>little house and make all our little memories there. And

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted to like start traditions and stuff. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>we brought a house together. We were pretty serious. Probably the

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<v Speaker 2>next step was getting engaged and having kids and all

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<v Speaker 2>that sort of stuff. Yeah, just I think what society

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<v Speaker 2>expects of you is just kind of what we were

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<v Speaker 2>going along with.

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<v Speaker 1>But things weren't all rosy. In fact, there had been

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<v Speaker 1>things that had happened a long time prior to them

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<v Speaker 1>buying their place. But not everyone's perfect.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, And I had had one of my previous roommates

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<v Speaker 2>put me aside and say, like, you know, I'm noticing

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<v Speaker 2>that you're not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more.

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<v Speaker 2>He just said like he'd noticed that I was really

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<v Speaker 2>upset and that he wasn't trading me right, and that

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<v Speaker 2>it was changing me as a person, and he was

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<v Speaker 2>a bit worried. And I agreed that it had changed me,

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<v Speaker 2>but I was very defensive of him. There was like

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<v Speaker 2>an incident where I had a friend give me a

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<v Speaker 2>heads up that he had been sharing naked photos of

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<v Speaker 2>me that he'd taken without my consent. Yeah, and so

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<v Speaker 2>when I confronted him, he just sort of like laughed

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<v Speaker 2>it off and was like, oh, the boys found him

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<v Speaker 2>on my phone and they just thought you looked really

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<v Speaker 2>hot and it wasn't a big deal. So my roommate,

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<v Speaker 2>seeing how upset I was, had pulled him aside and yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>just things like that and just kind of acted like

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<v Speaker 2>it wasn't his fault when I found out I was

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<v Speaker 2>really upset, like I was really angry. And that was

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<v Speaker 2>actually probably only six months after we started living together

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<v Speaker 2>at that point, but he just said, oh, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I took them while you were asleep because you look

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<v Speaker 2>so hot and you look so beautiful. And I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>realize that the boys had my phone and they shared

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<v Speaker 2>them around, and you know, I told them off and

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know why you're so upset sort of thing, like,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I only took them because you looked so good,

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<v Speaker 2>and just yeah, sort of dismissed and made me feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I was overreacting. You know. I'd make excuses for

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<v Speaker 2>him a lot, like, you know, he just doesn't understand.

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<v Speaker 2>He's not great with emotions, but he's a really nice guy,

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<v Speaker 2>because you know, he'd come back and he'd have a

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<v Speaker 2>bunch of flowers, or he'd write me a note saying

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<v Speaker 2>that he was sorry. You know, you think, oh, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>maybe I overreacted, or you know, he was with his

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<v Speaker 2>mates and he didn't want to look like a woofs

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<v Speaker 2>in front of his mates. Yeah, so when we moved

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<v Speaker 2>into our house, that started to get worse. Just a

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<v Speaker 2>few things that had happened where he'd been really disrespectful.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like, well, you don't earn as much money

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<v Speaker 2>as me, so you need to do all the cooking

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<v Speaker 2>and cleaning essentially, but I was working full time, and look,

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<v Speaker 2>he did earn a fair bit more than me at

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<v Speaker 2>that point. He's probably on double what I was on.

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<v Speaker 2>So in my mind, I was like, well, that just

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<v Speaker 2>makes sense because my mum did all the cooking and cleaning.

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<v Speaker 2>But then like, I would cook the meal for him

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<v Speaker 2>and he wouldn't come home, but he wouldn't text me,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'd be like, hey, dinner's ready, and no response,

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<v Speaker 2>no respons Hours later, he'd come home and he'd had

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<v Speaker 2>takeaway from dinner because he'd gone to the pub with

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<v Speaker 2>his mates or something, and I'd obviously be upset because

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<v Speaker 2>I'd made him a meal. It's a disrespect thing, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like you don't value me enough to just say, hey, babe,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to come home straight away. I probably

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<v Speaker 2>won't need dinner. That was very common. He allowed one

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<v Speaker 2>of his mates be really disrespectful to me and to

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<v Speaker 2>some of my friends. And I can't really say aloud

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<v Speaker 2>because his mate was doing that. He can't control his

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<v Speaker 2>friend's behavior, but he could control the way that he

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<v Speaker 2>reacted to it, and he would just let it happen.

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<v Speaker 2>And that upset a lot of my friends, so they

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<v Speaker 2>pulled back from that part of his friendship group, and

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<v Speaker 2>it upset me to the point where I was, I

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to be around this person anymore because you're

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<v Speaker 2>allowing him to be nasty to me, and he's like,

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<v Speaker 2>just would make excuses for him. He could have just

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<v Speaker 2>stood up and said knock it off, and that's all

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<v Speaker 2>it would have took. So like that led to a

0:11:08.970 --> 0:11:11.290
<v Speaker 2>lot of fight. When things were really good, they were

0:11:11.370 --> 0:11:13.890
<v Speaker 2>really really good and it was great and we got

0:11:13.890 --> 0:11:15.970
<v Speaker 2>like a dog together and that was great and all

0:11:16.010 --> 0:11:18.970
<v Speaker 2>this sort of stuff. So I think that's what kept

0:11:19.010 --> 0:11:21.730
<v Speaker 2>me there, was those glimpses of that behavior, and then

0:11:21.810 --> 0:11:24.130
<v Speaker 2>you know, you go through like three month four month

0:11:24.170 --> 0:11:28.690
<v Speaker 2>period when everything was really really good and then it

0:11:28.730 --> 0:11:31.130
<v Speaker 2>would get bad, but then it would get good again.

0:11:31.290 --> 0:11:36.690
<v Speaker 2>So I looked at us, Oh, this guy has some issues,

0:11:36.730 --> 0:11:39.970
<v Speaker 2>but we'll work through it together. Nobody's perfect, and why

0:11:40.010 --> 0:11:44.490
<v Speaker 2>would you just quit on someone if they're got these issues.

0:11:44.690 --> 0:11:46.930
<v Speaker 2>To me, I was like, that's not what a relationship is.

0:11:47.010 --> 0:11:49.170
<v Speaker 2>You work with each other and you grow together and

0:11:49.730 --> 0:11:51.050
<v Speaker 2>you support that person.

0:11:51.690 --> 0:11:54.450
<v Speaker 1>So she did support him. She loved him and their

0:11:54.450 --> 0:11:57.130
<v Speaker 1>house and their life they were working to build, so

0:11:57.170 --> 0:11:59.170
<v Speaker 1>the next dage didn't come as a surprise.

0:12:00.130 --> 0:12:03.170
<v Speaker 2>I think we've been living together two years. He'd been

0:12:03.250 --> 0:12:06.690
<v Speaker 2>hinting at it, and then one day we walked past

0:12:06.690 --> 0:12:10.090
<v Speaker 2>the jewelry store and hey, went, I'll go on pick

0:12:10.130 --> 0:12:14.810
<v Speaker 2>one out, so super exciting and picked out this beautiful

0:12:14.970 --> 0:12:20.170
<v Speaker 2>ring and he randomly proposed me one day on a

0:12:20.210 --> 0:12:23.850
<v Speaker 2>walk and you know, was really really happy and everyone

0:12:23.930 --> 0:12:26.370
<v Speaker 2>was really excited, and yeah, I was just really happy.

0:12:27.130 --> 0:12:30.850
<v Speaker 2>But we got engaged. And then that night he's like, well,

0:12:30.850 --> 0:12:34.650
<v Speaker 2>I'm off to hang out with the boys. And I

0:12:34.690 --> 0:12:36.370
<v Speaker 2>went and hung out with the girls and they were like,

0:12:36.370 --> 0:12:38.250
<v Speaker 2>why aren't you with him? And I was like, oh,

0:12:38.330 --> 0:12:40.850
<v Speaker 2>you know, we've got a birthday party to go to.

0:12:41.130 --> 0:12:45.050
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I thought thinking back and my why didn't

0:12:45.090 --> 0:12:47.210
<v Speaker 2>he just come to the party with me? You know,

0:12:47.290 --> 0:12:51.490
<v Speaker 2>But that was normal. I think it become so normal

0:12:51.610 --> 0:12:53.370
<v Speaker 2>for him to do stuff like that that I just

0:12:53.410 --> 0:12:57.810
<v Speaker 2>thought that that was normal. It was a good wedding.

0:12:57.850 --> 0:13:01.610
<v Speaker 2>It was massive, hundreds of people because he's from like

0:13:01.970 --> 0:13:04.610
<v Speaker 2>a background where family is like a big thing. It

0:13:04.690 --> 0:13:08.210
<v Speaker 2>was a really great day, had lots of fun. You know,

0:13:08.250 --> 0:13:11.450
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't stop smiling but even on the wedding day,

0:13:11.490 --> 0:13:15.690
<v Speaker 2>like there was behavior that people noticed that They were like,

0:13:16.250 --> 0:13:18.890
<v Speaker 2>we all got pretty drunk, like, you know, towards the end,

0:13:18.890 --> 0:13:21.970
<v Speaker 2>and then we did our dance late, and because neither

0:13:21.970 --> 0:13:23.770
<v Speaker 2>of us knows how to dance, so we were like, oh,

0:13:23.770 --> 0:13:26.170
<v Speaker 2>we'll leave it till last minute, so no one notices

0:13:26.850 --> 0:13:30.570
<v Speaker 2>because they had something to drink. That was the game plan.

0:13:30.770 --> 0:13:33.170
<v Speaker 2>And then we get to it and he's just grabbing

0:13:33.170 --> 0:13:36.210
<v Speaker 2>my ass really hard, and I was like, oh whatever,

0:13:36.250 --> 0:13:38.050
<v Speaker 2>you know, a bit cheeky, and I kept telling him,

0:13:38.090 --> 0:13:41.370
<v Speaker 2>you need to stop. Everyone's watching us, photographer, your video people,

0:13:41.410 --> 0:13:43.970
<v Speaker 2>you know, and he just kept doing it. But it

0:13:44.010 --> 0:13:46.250
<v Speaker 2>was like hurting with how hard he was grabbing it.

0:13:46.330 --> 0:13:48.090
<v Speaker 2>And my friends did notice that and they were like,

0:13:49.330 --> 0:13:51.650
<v Speaker 2>that was a bit shit for him to do that.

0:13:51.970 --> 0:13:54.290
<v Speaker 2>You got all your family and everyone there and he's

0:13:54.370 --> 0:13:57.170
<v Speaker 2>just grabbing your ass and acting like an idiot, you know,

0:13:58.050 --> 0:14:00.930
<v Speaker 2>taking it too far. But I mean, other than that,

0:14:01.130 --> 0:14:04.970
<v Speaker 2>it was great. Yeah, we had a really, really, really

0:14:04.970 --> 0:14:05.530
<v Speaker 2>fun time.

0:14:06.930 --> 0:14:10.490
<v Speaker 1>So Alis and Ted were married, and well that's usually

0:14:10.490 --> 0:14:13.210
<v Speaker 1>the time a couple may settled down even more become

0:14:13.210 --> 0:14:15.930
<v Speaker 1>a really solid duo. That took a bit of a

0:14:15.930 --> 0:14:19.170
<v Speaker 1>back seat when one of Alice's best friends needed her.

0:14:19.530 --> 0:14:22.650
<v Speaker 2>I had actually known Gypsy longer than him. I met

0:14:22.690 --> 0:14:25.970
<v Speaker 2>her she moved into state. We both ended up working

0:14:26.010 --> 0:14:28.930
<v Speaker 2>together for a little while. She didn't know anyone, and

0:14:28.970 --> 0:14:31.570
<v Speaker 2>I just felt a bit sorry for her. So I said, oh,

0:14:31.570 --> 0:14:34.730
<v Speaker 2>I've got you know, let's back when I hadn't even

0:14:34.770 --> 0:14:38.050
<v Speaker 2>met him, when I was with my previous boyfriend, I said, come,

0:14:38.130 --> 0:14:40.450
<v Speaker 2>We've got a party on. You want to come with

0:14:40.490 --> 0:14:43.930
<v Speaker 2>your friends and your partner, And so they came and

0:14:44.130 --> 0:14:48.690
<v Speaker 2>we just became really close. So she was actually in

0:14:48.770 --> 0:14:52.530
<v Speaker 2>our wedding party and gave a speech on the night

0:14:52.850 --> 0:14:55.810
<v Speaker 2>and just you know, thanked me for you know, being

0:14:55.810 --> 0:14:57.890
<v Speaker 2>such a good friend. And you know, she didn't know

0:14:57.890 --> 0:15:00.450
<v Speaker 2>anyone when she moved here. She'd told me she'd been

0:15:00.490 --> 0:15:03.010
<v Speaker 2>having issues with her partner for a good couple of years,

0:15:03.290 --> 0:15:06.330
<v Speaker 2>two three years, and had been wanting to leave him,

0:15:06.330 --> 0:15:08.570
<v Speaker 2>and I felt like it was coming to a head,

0:15:09.250 --> 0:15:12.290
<v Speaker 2>and she seemed really unhappy. And she lived fair distance

0:15:12.330 --> 0:15:15.850
<v Speaker 2>from us as well, So I was worried because I

0:15:15.850 --> 0:15:18.330
<v Speaker 2>felt like she was so isolated and she didn't have anyone.

0:15:18.370 --> 0:15:23.330
<v Speaker 2>She'd really pulled back from anyone else, and so I

0:15:23.370 --> 0:15:25.210
<v Speaker 2>had said to Ted, do you mind if she moves

0:15:25.210 --> 0:15:26.810
<v Speaker 2>in with us? I think her and her partner are

0:15:26.810 --> 0:15:29.770
<v Speaker 2>going to break up? And he was just indifferent. He

0:15:29.850 --> 0:15:32.610
<v Speaker 2>was like, yeah, whatever. So she never moved in. She

0:15:32.650 --> 0:15:34.170
<v Speaker 2>never took us up on that. She was still with

0:15:34.250 --> 0:15:37.330
<v Speaker 2>her partner. I'm not the kind of person who get involved.

0:15:37.770 --> 0:15:39.610
<v Speaker 2>I didn't think it was my place. I just let

0:15:39.650 --> 0:15:42.090
<v Speaker 2>her know that she had somewhere to go. She needed

0:15:42.090 --> 0:15:45.490
<v Speaker 2>to go somewhere. She was unhappy at a job as well,

0:15:45.730 --> 0:15:48.090
<v Speaker 2>and there was a job coming up at Ted's work

0:15:48.130 --> 0:15:50.410
<v Speaker 2>that I thought she'd be really good for, so I

0:15:50.490 --> 0:15:53.850
<v Speaker 2>suggested that she apply for it. And I had said

0:15:53.890 --> 0:15:55.810
<v Speaker 2>to her, you can move in with us if you

0:15:55.930 --> 0:15:59.810
<v Speaker 2>leave your partner. Yeah. She applied for the job, She

0:15:59.850 --> 0:16:02.170
<v Speaker 2>got the job, and we started hanging out more and

0:16:02.210 --> 0:16:04.490
<v Speaker 2>that was really really fun. And it was a little

0:16:04.490 --> 0:16:06.770
<v Speaker 2>bit selfish for me, really because I wanted her closer

0:16:06.810 --> 0:16:10.010
<v Speaker 2>because we were good friends. So it was really fun.

0:16:10.050 --> 0:16:13.050
<v Speaker 2>We'd hang out, heapes se her all the time, and

0:16:13.690 --> 0:16:15.850
<v Speaker 2>she was in a better job, she was making more money.

0:16:16.530 --> 0:16:19.570
<v Speaker 2>That was great, and the marriage at this time we

0:16:19.570 --> 0:16:22.730
<v Speaker 2>were happy. I'd say we were happy. He wasn't really

0:16:22.810 --> 0:16:25.010
<v Speaker 2>pulling all the old stuff that he used to do.

0:16:25.170 --> 0:16:28.490
<v Speaker 2>Occasionally would, but I mean he'd still I'd clean the

0:16:28.530 --> 0:16:30.690
<v Speaker 2>whole house and he'd come home and be like, we

0:16:30.690 --> 0:16:32.770
<v Speaker 2>didn't get to this, you know, he'd find the one

0:16:32.810 --> 0:16:36.090
<v Speaker 2>thing I didn't get to and yeah, and there've been

0:16:36.170 --> 0:16:38.570
<v Speaker 2>like instances where he'd got like really drunk and like

0:16:38.690 --> 0:16:43.450
<v Speaker 2>pushed me. It wasn't like every week, it wasn't even

0:16:43.650 --> 0:16:45.650
<v Speaker 2>every month, wasn't even every other month. Like it was

0:16:45.650 --> 0:16:48.650
<v Speaker 2>really sporadic. So I was just like, you know, he

0:16:48.730 --> 0:16:50.570
<v Speaker 2>just got really drunk and he won't get that drunk

0:16:50.610 --> 0:16:53.890
<v Speaker 2>again sort of thing. You know. I thought it was fine.

0:16:53.970 --> 0:16:57.170
<v Speaker 2>I thought that that was you know, a normal relationship

0:16:57.210 --> 0:17:00.210
<v Speaker 2>and you don't talk about that stuff. We had talked

0:17:00.250 --> 0:17:04.610
<v Speaker 2>about kids, and we were just whatever happened happened. And

0:17:04.890 --> 0:17:08.290
<v Speaker 2>I'd had like a few miscarriages and fertility issues that

0:17:08.410 --> 0:17:12.090
<v Speaker 2>I ended up in hospital for one of them. So yeah,

0:17:12.370 --> 0:17:14.810
<v Speaker 2>you know, we just had had that chat that if

0:17:14.810 --> 0:17:17.730
<v Speaker 2>it didn't happen, he wasn't fussed, and I wasn't fussed.

0:17:18.370 --> 0:17:21.170
<v Speaker 2>He just seemed indifferent. When I went to the hospital,

0:17:21.290 --> 0:17:24.050
<v Speaker 2>I was really upset. I actually got the priest out

0:17:24.050 --> 0:17:25.770
<v Speaker 2>at the hospital to talk to me because I was

0:17:25.770 --> 0:17:29.370
<v Speaker 2>so upset and he just seemed indifferent, and even for

0:17:29.450 --> 0:17:32.690
<v Speaker 2>the follow up appointments after he wouldn't take time for

0:17:32.770 --> 0:17:35.010
<v Speaker 2>it to take me to them, so I ended up

0:17:35.010 --> 0:17:38.690
<v Speaker 2>having friends take me to those appointments and family. I

0:17:38.810 --> 0:17:42.010
<v Speaker 2>just thought at the time that it was difficult for

0:17:42.130 --> 0:17:45.690
<v Speaker 2>him and he didn't know how to express it. So

0:17:45.770 --> 0:17:48.370
<v Speaker 2>I just gave him a pass on that, and in

0:17:48.490 --> 0:17:51.490
<v Speaker 2>saying that, I just joke about it, Like I used

0:17:51.570 --> 0:17:56.370
<v Speaker 2>dark humor for everything, so we would just joke about it,

0:17:56.370 --> 0:17:58.490
<v Speaker 2>you know how a couple of friends reach out and

0:17:58.530 --> 0:18:00.130
<v Speaker 2>I just said, oh, you know, it's fine, like it

0:18:00.290 --> 0:18:01.730
<v Speaker 2>is what it is, it's not meant to be, it's

0:18:01.770 --> 0:18:04.330
<v Speaker 2>not meant to be sort of thing, and just joked

0:18:04.370 --> 0:18:07.970
<v Speaker 2>about it. So that's sort of how I deal with things.

0:18:08.770 --> 0:18:12.330
<v Speaker 1>And then, because life can be incredibly cruel in this way,

0:18:12.650 --> 0:18:14.930
<v Speaker 1>she even felt her best friend Gypsy still have to

0:18:14.930 --> 0:18:17.050
<v Speaker 1>become a bit more distant too, and.

0:18:17.090 --> 0:18:20.130
<v Speaker 2>I started seeing her less and she's just like, oh,

0:18:20.170 --> 0:18:22.690
<v Speaker 2>you know, I'm busy and it's a long drive. And

0:18:22.730 --> 0:18:24.290
<v Speaker 2>he would come home late and he's like, we're so

0:18:24.410 --> 0:18:26.090
<v Speaker 2>busy at work. You know, I have to do it

0:18:26.130 --> 0:18:28.250
<v Speaker 2>all this overtime, and she's saying the same thing to me, like,

0:18:28.290 --> 0:18:31.650
<v Speaker 2>it's so busy, it's so crazy. And then I started

0:18:31.690 --> 0:18:34.610
<v Speaker 2>to have friends say oh, I saw Ted with a

0:18:34.650 --> 0:18:37.810
<v Speaker 2>girl at the pub and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's Gypsy,

0:18:37.930 --> 0:18:39.850
<v Speaker 2>you know, cause oh she had this color hair. Yet,

0:18:39.890 --> 0:18:42.730
<v Speaker 2>oh that's Gypsy. They work together, you know. But I

0:18:42.770 --> 0:18:45.010
<v Speaker 2>was like, why are they going to the pub without me?

0:18:45.130 --> 0:18:47.570
<v Speaker 2>So I asked him about it. He's like, oh, it

0:18:47.690 --> 0:18:50.210
<v Speaker 2>was just one beer. By the time he got out there,

0:18:50.650 --> 0:18:52.970
<v Speaker 2>we would have been one and done fair enough, you know.

0:18:53.610 --> 0:18:55.730
<v Speaker 2>And I did ask her about it, and she would

0:18:55.730 --> 0:18:57.770
<v Speaker 2>put it on him. She'd be like, yeah, it was

0:18:57.810 --> 0:19:00.090
<v Speaker 2>weird because I asked him why did he invite you out?

0:19:00.090 --> 0:19:02.530
<v Speaker 2>And he'd said, like you were busy or you know.

0:19:02.930 --> 0:19:04.570
<v Speaker 2>I did ask where you were and he said you

0:19:04.570 --> 0:19:07.490
<v Speaker 2>couldn't come, and things like that. I'm getting annoyed at

0:19:07.530 --> 0:19:10.410
<v Speaker 2>him and her for not including me, but I'm not.

0:19:10.930 --> 0:19:14.410
<v Speaker 2>My brain didn't go anywhere else. She knew the troubles

0:19:14.410 --> 0:19:16.370
<v Speaker 2>with a lot of what we've been through, so she

0:19:16.450 --> 0:19:19.810
<v Speaker 2>knew the stuff that he'd done. I was like, there's

0:19:19.850 --> 0:19:22.010
<v Speaker 2>no way that she would do that to me. I

0:19:22.050 --> 0:19:25.450
<v Speaker 2>was like, he's a bit sleazy. I could see him trying,

0:19:25.890 --> 0:19:27.930
<v Speaker 2>but not with her, like they've known each other over

0:19:28.530 --> 0:19:31.770
<v Speaker 2>ten years, Like there's nothing there, you know, like she

0:19:31.970 --> 0:19:34.290
<v Speaker 2>never ever found him attractive, Like you know, she'd make

0:19:34.370 --> 0:19:37.650
<v Speaker 2>jokes and stuff to his detriment, you know, while we're

0:19:37.650 --> 0:19:40.610
<v Speaker 2>all friends, and couldn't understand why I put up with

0:19:40.690 --> 0:19:44.610
<v Speaker 2>him and things like that. So I just didn't see

0:19:44.650 --> 0:19:46.650
<v Speaker 2>it as being a possibility.

0:19:47.170 --> 0:19:50.570
<v Speaker 1>While Ted had been better recently, Alice soon started noticing

0:19:50.610 --> 0:19:54.730
<v Speaker 1>a shift back to his indifferent ways. It sadly wasn't uncommon,

0:19:55.010 --> 0:19:57.130
<v Speaker 1>but it had been a while since he's been like this,

0:19:57.690 --> 0:19:59.650
<v Speaker 1>and it all came to her head one night when

0:19:59.690 --> 0:20:02.170
<v Speaker 1>Alice came home from work really sick.

0:20:02.650 --> 0:20:06.450
<v Speaker 2>I was throwing up uncontrollably. I was in pain, and

0:20:06.530 --> 0:20:08.930
<v Speaker 2>I was in bed, and he came home and I

0:20:09.090 --> 0:20:12.010
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, I really don't feel well, and he's like, okay,

0:20:12.210 --> 0:20:15.530
<v Speaker 2>don't go near me. And I'm like, I'm really sick.

0:20:15.570 --> 0:20:17.050
<v Speaker 2>I think I need to go to the hospital and

0:20:17.050 --> 0:20:19.650
<v Speaker 2>he's like, oh, okay, and so he dropped me off

0:20:19.650 --> 0:20:21.890
<v Speaker 2>and he said, oh, I can't come in with you

0:20:21.930 --> 0:20:23.370
<v Speaker 2>because I have to go to bed early for work.

0:20:23.450 --> 0:20:25.690
<v Speaker 2>So I got a lot on at work, and I

0:20:25.730 --> 0:20:28.570
<v Speaker 2>was like, yep, okay. Because he'd never really come in

0:20:28.610 --> 0:20:32.330
<v Speaker 2>with me to hospital before anyway, I thought that was normal.

0:20:33.250 --> 0:20:37.010
<v Speaker 2>So I walked myself into an emergency, but I didn't

0:20:37.130 --> 0:20:40.690
<v Speaker 2>assist that burst and ended up with internal bleeding.

0:20:41.130 --> 0:20:44.610
<v Speaker 1>What Alice needed most was support from Ted and Gipsy,

0:20:45.050 --> 0:20:46.650
<v Speaker 1>but they clearly didn't get the memo.

0:20:47.050 --> 0:20:49.450
<v Speaker 2>So I got admitted for a good couple of days.

0:20:50.050 --> 0:20:52.250
<v Speaker 2>And then I found out because obviously I told her

0:20:52.890 --> 0:20:54.970
<v Speaker 2>what was going on because she's my friend and we're talking.

0:20:54.970 --> 0:20:57.050
<v Speaker 2>And I found out that he'd actually just gone home

0:20:57.090 --> 0:21:00.410
<v Speaker 2>and played PlayStation with her till like midnight. And I

0:21:00.450 --> 0:21:01.810
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, you know, he taught me I had

0:21:01.850 --> 0:21:03.130
<v Speaker 2>to go to bed early. She's like, oh, that's so

0:21:03.170 --> 0:21:05.530
<v Speaker 2>weird because he was up late playing PlayStation with me.

0:21:07.010 --> 0:21:11.090
<v Speaker 2>Got out of hospital and he had like a work

0:21:11.130 --> 0:21:13.610
<v Speaker 2>function that he wanted to go to, and I wasn't

0:21:13.650 --> 0:21:15.330
<v Speaker 2>meant to be driving because the drugs I was on,

0:21:15.410 --> 0:21:17.330
<v Speaker 2>but he was winging because he would have to get

0:21:17.330 --> 0:21:19.650
<v Speaker 2>an uber and blah blah blah, So I not driving

0:21:19.690 --> 0:21:22.410
<v Speaker 2>him there, and she was there and she sent me

0:21:22.410 --> 0:21:24.010
<v Speaker 2>a message and said, are you going to come in

0:21:24.010 --> 0:21:26.410
<v Speaker 2>for a drink and I said, no, I really don't

0:21:26.450 --> 0:21:29.490
<v Speaker 2>feel well. That night, I woke up at like twelve

0:21:29.530 --> 0:21:33.090
<v Speaker 2>in pain, and I was like, oh, you know he'll

0:21:33.130 --> 0:21:35.930
<v Speaker 2>be home soon because it's twelve o'clock and they're in

0:21:35.970 --> 0:21:39.130
<v Speaker 2>the city, so you know he's probably gone out to

0:21:39.690 --> 0:21:42.490
<v Speaker 2>nightclubs and stuff, and you know they close around two am,

0:21:42.530 --> 0:21:44.650
<v Speaker 2>so if he's not home by like three am, then

0:21:44.650 --> 0:21:47.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm worry. Gets to three and he's not answering his phone,

0:21:47.730 --> 0:21:51.730
<v Speaker 2>he's not answering his text. I messaged her around like

0:21:51.810 --> 0:21:55.130
<v Speaker 2>six or something, and I was like, what happened? Because

0:21:55.290 --> 0:21:58.010
<v Speaker 2>is he with someone? You know, you're my best friend.

0:21:58.050 --> 0:22:00.890
<v Speaker 2>You have to tell me if something's going on. And

0:22:00.930 --> 0:22:03.250
<v Speaker 2>she's like, oh, that's so weird. Like no, he went

0:22:03.290 --> 0:22:06.490
<v Speaker 2>home and I went home and I don't know what's

0:22:06.490 --> 0:22:09.130
<v Speaker 2>going on. I was like, Okay, something's happening. He's not

0:22:09.170 --> 0:22:12.410
<v Speaker 2>come home and then he get hold of me until

0:22:12.650 --> 0:22:14.890
<v Speaker 2>late in the morning and he's like, oh, I just

0:22:14.930 --> 0:22:17.850
<v Speaker 2>decided to walk home because you know, I wanted to

0:22:17.850 --> 0:22:19.810
<v Speaker 2>go for a walk. So then he comes in with

0:22:19.850 --> 0:22:24.650
<v Speaker 2>like flowers and stuff, and it's like, what's going on on? Nothing,

0:22:24.730 --> 0:22:26.370
<v Speaker 2>I just you know, I just got really drunk and

0:22:26.410 --> 0:22:30.050
<v Speaker 2>decided to go for a walks whatever. A week later,

0:22:30.090 --> 0:22:32.090
<v Speaker 2>he told me that he wasn't sure about our marriage

0:22:32.090 --> 0:22:37.970
<v Speaker 2>anymore and he didn't know what he wanted. Kind of

0:22:37.970 --> 0:22:40.330
<v Speaker 2>made it sound like he was having a midlife crisis.

0:22:40.450 --> 0:22:42.370
<v Speaker 2>So I was like, well, we can go to counseling

0:22:42.370 --> 0:22:43.730
<v Speaker 2>and we can do this, and do you want to

0:22:43.730 --> 0:22:46.090
<v Speaker 2>buy a new fool drive? Do you want to go

0:22:46.210 --> 0:22:47.770
<v Speaker 2>on a trip? Like what do you want to do?

0:22:47.810 --> 0:22:50.570
<v Speaker 2>We'll do it. And then Hey just said, oh no,

0:22:50.650 --> 0:22:52.570
<v Speaker 2>I think I want a divorce. And I was like,

0:22:52.610 --> 0:22:55.690
<v Speaker 2>I don't understand. Is it the kids thing? And he's like,

0:22:55.690 --> 0:22:57.650
<v Speaker 2>oh yeah, yeah, it's the kids thing, like you can't

0:22:57.650 --> 0:22:59.770
<v Speaker 2>have kids. And I was like, well, we haven't even

0:22:59.770 --> 0:23:02.050
<v Speaker 2>looked at options of trying, like we can try, and

0:23:02.050 --> 0:23:04.570
<v Speaker 2>he's like, nah, no, you know I love you, but

0:23:04.610 --> 0:23:07.850
<v Speaker 2>I'm not in love with you anymore. I was devastated.

0:23:08.170 --> 0:23:12.290
<v Speaker 2>I was absolutely devastated, and you know, I just thought

0:23:12.370 --> 0:23:15.650
<v Speaker 2>like I'm stuffed, Like it's a housing crisis. I was

0:23:15.690 --> 0:23:19.210
<v Speaker 2>off sick from work, I wasn't earning any money. I

0:23:19.250 --> 0:23:21.930
<v Speaker 2>just got out of hospital. The next day. I got

0:23:21.970 --> 0:23:24.530
<v Speaker 2>all these notifications that any money that he was putting

0:23:24.530 --> 0:23:26.570
<v Speaker 2>into the bills under my name had been all the

0:23:26.610 --> 0:23:29.610
<v Speaker 2>direct debits had been stopped like the next day, and

0:23:29.650 --> 0:23:32.010
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, we haven't even decided what we're doing yet,

0:23:32.010 --> 0:23:35.690
<v Speaker 2>Like you're saying you're feeling like this and that's fine,

0:23:35.730 --> 0:23:38.210
<v Speaker 2>and let's talk about it and let's try and work

0:23:38.210 --> 0:23:39.730
<v Speaker 2>it out, because I don't just want to throw this

0:23:39.770 --> 0:23:43.290
<v Speaker 2>away because you're unsure in yourself. Because he wasn't saying

0:23:43.330 --> 0:23:44.650
<v Speaker 2>like I hate you and I don't want to be

0:23:44.730 --> 0:23:46.890
<v Speaker 2>with you, and he was saying that he just felt

0:23:46.890 --> 0:23:49.770
<v Speaker 2>like something was missing and he wasn't sure what it was.

0:23:50.530 --> 0:23:53.530
<v Speaker 2>So you know, my mind instantly went to the kids thing,

0:23:53.610 --> 0:23:56.650
<v Speaker 2>because you know, our friends are staying it have families

0:23:56.770 --> 0:24:00.210
<v Speaker 2>and we're not. And I'd just been in hospital with

0:24:00.290 --> 0:24:05.050
<v Speaker 2>fertility issues, so maybe that's the issue. So that's sort

0:24:05.090 --> 0:24:07.290
<v Speaker 2>of where my brain went. I wanted us to go

0:24:07.330 --> 0:24:11.010
<v Speaker 2>to counseling, and during this time, like I'm trying to

0:24:11.050 --> 0:24:13.010
<v Speaker 2>figure it out. I'm trying to figure out what we're

0:24:13.010 --> 0:24:14.650
<v Speaker 2>going to do. Because I even said to him, like,

0:24:14.730 --> 0:24:16.890
<v Speaker 2>because he'd been talking about buying an investment property, I

0:24:16.930 --> 0:24:19.370
<v Speaker 2>was like, do you want to buy an investment property

0:24:19.450 --> 0:24:21.810
<v Speaker 2>and do like a trial separation, and then one of

0:24:21.890 --> 0:24:23.490
<v Speaker 2>us will take that and one of us will keep

0:24:23.530 --> 0:24:26.410
<v Speaker 2>this doesn't work out, I don't want to just throw

0:24:26.490 --> 0:24:28.690
<v Speaker 2>in the towel, like I love you, I love our family,

0:24:28.690 --> 0:24:30.930
<v Speaker 2>I love you. I was very close to his family,

0:24:31.170 --> 0:24:34.650
<v Speaker 2>so you know that was devastating to me. So yeah,

0:24:34.650 --> 0:24:36.370
<v Speaker 2>I was just I don't want to just throw this

0:24:36.570 --> 0:24:41.170
<v Speaker 2>away if you're just having a midlife crisis, which is

0:24:41.210 --> 0:24:42.970
<v Speaker 2>kind of what he was saying he was having because

0:24:42.970 --> 0:24:46.050
<v Speaker 2>he's saying, oh, no, I love you, I just want out,

0:24:46.450 --> 0:24:48.370
<v Speaker 2>and then it changed to her, I love you, but

0:24:48.410 --> 0:24:49.450
<v Speaker 2>I'm not in love with you.

0:24:53.130 --> 0:24:56.930
<v Speaker 1>It was confusing and heartbreaking and hurtful. So what do

0:24:56.930 --> 0:24:58.930
<v Speaker 1>we do as females during times like these?

0:24:59.450 --> 0:25:02.050
<v Speaker 2>We turn to our friends, And obviously I told her

0:25:02.090 --> 0:25:04.970
<v Speaker 2>that we'd broken up, and I wanted to hang out

0:25:04.970 --> 0:25:06.850
<v Speaker 2>with her because she was one of the people that

0:25:06.930 --> 0:25:09.290
<v Speaker 2>I really could talk to, and she had known, like

0:25:09.330 --> 0:25:11.370
<v Speaker 2>I really hadn't shared how he was treating me to

0:25:11.410 --> 0:25:14.290
<v Speaker 2>others people, but I'd shared it with her some of it,

0:25:14.370 --> 0:25:16.690
<v Speaker 2>so she knew about a lot of it, and it

0:25:16.730 --> 0:25:20.330
<v Speaker 2>actually defended me at times to him. So I wanted

0:25:20.410 --> 0:25:22.250
<v Speaker 2>to hang out there, and she's like, oh, I'm busy

0:25:22.330 --> 0:25:25.170
<v Speaker 2>and busy at work. One day, I had like a

0:25:25.170 --> 0:25:28.250
<v Speaker 2>social meetup with a bunch of really awesome girls. I

0:25:28.490 --> 0:25:31.970
<v Speaker 2>was going there, and because we're out in the country,

0:25:31.970 --> 0:25:35.530
<v Speaker 2>we have like big road trains, and to avoid them,

0:25:35.610 --> 0:25:38.610
<v Speaker 2>I went the backway which went past one of these pubs,

0:25:39.330 --> 0:25:42.450
<v Speaker 2>and I saw both their cars at this pub, and

0:25:42.530 --> 0:25:45.250
<v Speaker 2>so I just took a photo and I messaged her

0:25:45.250 --> 0:25:47.970
<v Speaker 2>and I said, hey, how are you? You know because

0:25:48.130 --> 0:25:50.090
<v Speaker 2>she told me she was going to go shopping for something.

0:25:50.130 --> 0:25:52.490
<v Speaker 2>I said, how the shopping go? Oh? I didn't go.

0:25:52.610 --> 0:25:53.810
<v Speaker 2>I just went straight home and went to bed. I

0:25:53.890 --> 0:25:57.570
<v Speaker 2>was so tired. I was okay, so said to the picture.

0:25:57.610 --> 0:25:59.890
<v Speaker 2>I said, well, I drove past the pub and you're

0:25:59.890 --> 0:26:03.530
<v Speaker 2>there with him. Oh, I only went for one. You know.

0:26:03.610 --> 0:26:05.330
<v Speaker 2>He felt sad and I didn't want to tell you

0:26:05.370 --> 0:26:06.850
<v Speaker 2>because I didn't want to upset you. And I was like, well,

0:26:06.890 --> 0:26:08.970
<v Speaker 2>I'm the one you know that he's broken up with.

0:26:09.730 --> 0:26:11.690
<v Speaker 2>I need you. You're my friend. Why he's spending so

0:26:11.730 --> 0:26:13.570
<v Speaker 2>much time with him? She's like, well, I work with him.

0:26:13.650 --> 0:26:16.130
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, that's fine. You can work with him,

0:26:16.170 --> 0:26:18.250
<v Speaker 2>you can be friends, but I need you right now.

0:26:19.050 --> 0:26:22.410
<v Speaker 2>So he organized to catch up, and during that time,

0:26:22.490 --> 0:26:25.250
<v Speaker 2>I'd also organize counseling with him, and I had started

0:26:25.290 --> 0:26:27.930
<v Speaker 2>to think that maybe something had happened, like a drunken

0:26:28.010 --> 0:26:31.170
<v Speaker 2>kiss or something, and that Hayard ended it because he

0:26:31.210 --> 0:26:33.010
<v Speaker 2>felt bad and she didn't want to tell me because

0:26:33.010 --> 0:26:34.810
<v Speaker 2>she felt bad, And I was like, if that's happened,

0:26:34.810 --> 0:26:36.970
<v Speaker 2>I want to know, because it's going to affect my

0:26:36.970 --> 0:26:39.770
<v Speaker 2>friendship with her. At that point, I felt like our

0:26:39.810 --> 0:26:42.730
<v Speaker 2>relationship could recover from that. But I also I just

0:26:42.770 --> 0:26:44.610
<v Speaker 2>wanted to go to counseling because I felt like maybe

0:26:44.610 --> 0:26:47.090
<v Speaker 2>that would be like a safe space for him to

0:26:47.130 --> 0:26:49.170
<v Speaker 2>admit that, because it was just important to me that

0:26:49.250 --> 0:26:51.970
<v Speaker 2>I knew the truth of why my marriage had just

0:26:52.010 --> 0:26:54.890
<v Speaker 2>suddenly ended. So he went to counseling and her was

0:26:55.010 --> 0:26:57.770
<v Speaker 2>just nasty and and different. I could see it, like

0:26:57.810 --> 0:27:00.050
<v Speaker 2>on the counselor's face. He was like, he just said, like,

0:27:00.090 --> 0:27:03.170
<v Speaker 2>this is not a relationship that's going to recover. I

0:27:03.210 --> 0:27:06.890
<v Speaker 2>actually message a few divorced friends who had managed to

0:27:06.930 --> 0:27:09.130
<v Speaker 2>keep the same friendship group, said how did you do it?

0:27:09.770 --> 0:27:11.970
<v Speaker 2>You know, I suspect something might be gone going on.

0:27:12.290 --> 0:27:14.090
<v Speaker 2>I know, actually caught up with one of them for

0:27:14.130 --> 0:27:16.810
<v Speaker 2>coffee just chatted about it because that to me, it

0:27:16.850 --> 0:27:19.290
<v Speaker 2>was really important because we had a really close knit

0:27:19.330 --> 0:27:21.090
<v Speaker 2>friendship group and I was really worried how it was

0:27:21.130 --> 0:27:25.010
<v Speaker 2>going to affect them because no one knew yet. Yeah,

0:27:25.050 --> 0:27:28.170
<v Speaker 2>I was just trying to figure out. We had some dogs,

0:27:28.170 --> 0:27:29.570
<v Speaker 2>so I was like trying to figure out how we

0:27:29.610 --> 0:27:33.050
<v Speaker 2>want to share custody of the dogs. Like in my brain,

0:27:33.130 --> 0:27:35.450
<v Speaker 2>we were going to like do weekend drop offs and stuff,

0:27:35.490 --> 0:27:38.090
<v Speaker 2>and that's where I was going, like how do we

0:27:38.130 --> 0:27:40.450
<v Speaker 2>make this work? But also I was in panic mode

0:27:40.450 --> 0:27:43.850
<v Speaker 2>because I just spent over ten years with this guy,

0:27:44.010 --> 0:27:46.370
<v Speaker 2>with him telling me that I was never going to

0:27:46.570 --> 0:27:48.930
<v Speaker 2>be any good financially, that I had a dead end job,

0:27:49.010 --> 0:27:50.850
<v Speaker 2>that I was never you know, he'd say those things

0:27:50.890 --> 0:27:53.330
<v Speaker 2>were like you should have got a better education when

0:27:53.330 --> 0:27:55.930
<v Speaker 2>you left school, and you should have done this, and

0:27:55.930 --> 0:27:58.490
<v Speaker 2>you know, you don't earn enough for money, and just

0:27:58.530 --> 0:28:01.610
<v Speaker 2>things like that. I mean, when we did look at

0:28:01.610 --> 0:28:03.530
<v Speaker 2>having kids, he told me I had to give all

0:28:03.530 --> 0:28:05.490
<v Speaker 2>the money to him and he would give me an

0:28:05.490 --> 0:28:08.690
<v Speaker 2>allowance because I spent too much money, and that I

0:28:08.690 --> 0:28:11.050
<v Speaker 2>would just use a kid to stay at home and

0:28:11.090 --> 0:28:14.050
<v Speaker 2>not work, which is really really like one having a

0:28:14.130 --> 0:28:17.570
<v Speaker 2>kid I feel like is work. And two, I grew

0:28:17.650 --> 0:28:19.170
<v Speaker 2>up with a single mom for most of my life,

0:28:19.250 --> 0:28:22.490
<v Speaker 2>so that just didn't compute with me. It's like, you

0:28:22.530 --> 0:28:24.410
<v Speaker 2>go to work even if you have kids, like you

0:28:24.490 --> 0:28:27.370
<v Speaker 2>just do it. Even when I got back from the hospital,

0:28:27.410 --> 0:28:30.730
<v Speaker 2>he was like, oh, I know this really affected you,

0:28:31.210 --> 0:28:33.650
<v Speaker 2>but you wouldn't have been a great mum. I was

0:28:33.690 --> 0:28:35.690
<v Speaker 2>just in this mode of like, how am I going

0:28:35.770 --> 0:28:38.850
<v Speaker 2>to survive on my own? And at the same time

0:28:38.850 --> 0:28:41.170
<v Speaker 2>talking to Gypsy and she's like, well, maybe we can

0:28:41.170 --> 0:28:43.290
<v Speaker 2>get a rental together, you know, and I was like, yeah,

0:28:43.330 --> 0:28:44.730
<v Speaker 2>we could do that. That'd be great. You know. I

0:28:44.770 --> 0:28:45.970
<v Speaker 2>was trying to make the best of it. So I

0:28:46.050 --> 0:28:48.410
<v Speaker 2>was like, we'll be two single girls out in the town, like,

0:28:48.450 --> 0:28:50.650
<v Speaker 2>we'll have a great time. So we went to this

0:28:50.730 --> 0:28:53.130
<v Speaker 2>counseling thing and I'd organized to catch up with her

0:28:53.170 --> 0:28:55.930
<v Speaker 2>that day and so we went to a pub and

0:28:56.010 --> 0:28:58.010
<v Speaker 2>you know, she's like, how did it go? And I said, oh,

0:28:58.050 --> 0:29:02.130
<v Speaker 2>it's over, Like it's definitely over. And during that counseling session,

0:29:02.290 --> 0:29:05.210
<v Speaker 2>i'd actually said, are you having an affair with Gypsy?

0:29:05.850 --> 0:29:08.650
<v Speaker 2>And he'd said, I've had an emotional affair with her,

0:29:08.690 --> 0:29:11.290
<v Speaker 2>but she doesn't know about it, and I was like, okay,

0:29:11.770 --> 0:29:13.930
<v Speaker 2>you know, he's obviously into her, and she's got no idea.

0:29:14.050 --> 0:29:17.130
<v Speaker 2>So I told her, look, he said he's having an

0:29:17.130 --> 0:29:20.250
<v Speaker 2>emotional affair with you. And I said to her face, like,

0:29:20.650 --> 0:29:23.810
<v Speaker 2>if you're together, or you want to be together, we're

0:29:23.810 --> 0:29:25.730
<v Speaker 2>not going to be friends. Like it's just not going

0:29:25.770 --> 0:29:27.370
<v Speaker 2>to I'm not going to be able to get over that,

0:29:28.330 --> 0:29:30.850
<v Speaker 2>So you need to tell me now. But whatever you

0:29:30.890 --> 0:29:33.570
<v Speaker 2>tell me now, I will believe you and we'll move on.

0:29:34.170 --> 0:29:37.050
<v Speaker 2>And she's like, no, I had no idea. And you know,

0:29:37.090 --> 0:29:38.770
<v Speaker 2>I thought he was like, you know, a bit flirty

0:29:38.810 --> 0:29:41.290
<v Speaker 2>with me, but I have been flirting back, and I'm

0:29:41.330 --> 0:29:42.770
<v Speaker 2>so mad at him, and I'm going to have a

0:29:42.770 --> 0:29:44.050
<v Speaker 2>goal at him. And I was like, you don't have

0:29:44.090 --> 0:29:46.530
<v Speaker 2>to have a go at him. Just don't encourage him.

0:29:46.530 --> 0:29:47.930
<v Speaker 2>I said, if you're hanging out with him one on

0:29:47.930 --> 0:29:51.050
<v Speaker 2>one and he's got the wrong idea, then you're encouraging him.

0:29:51.130 --> 0:29:53.210
<v Speaker 2>So you just need to have that conversation with him.

0:29:53.490 --> 0:29:55.090
<v Speaker 2>And she's like, oh, yeah, I will, And I was like,

0:29:55.130 --> 0:29:57.650
<v Speaker 2>that's fine, I believe you. Like let's move on, Let's

0:29:57.650 --> 0:29:59.570
<v Speaker 2>have a great night, because this, you know, this is

0:29:59.690 --> 0:30:02.930
<v Speaker 2>a really important friendship to me. Anyway, we went out,

0:30:02.970 --> 0:30:05.290
<v Speaker 2>he had a great night, and I said, come back

0:30:05.290 --> 0:30:09.050
<v Speaker 2>to mine for some drinks and she's like, oh, I said,

0:30:09.090 --> 0:30:10.530
<v Speaker 2>he's not going to be there because he had just

0:30:10.570 --> 0:30:12.970
<v Speaker 2>been since he' that he wanted out. He was just

0:30:13.130 --> 0:30:15.370
<v Speaker 2>going out for days at a time and not coming back.

0:30:16.290 --> 0:30:19.210
<v Speaker 2>And I was just like, okay, I guess it's awkward.

0:30:20.210 --> 0:30:24.250
<v Speaker 2>So she came over and we were drinking, and normally

0:30:24.290 --> 0:30:26.730
<v Speaker 2>she would stay at the night if you know, we

0:30:26.730 --> 0:30:29.850
<v Speaker 2>were on the piss and she's like, oh, I'm going

0:30:29.930 --> 0:30:32.250
<v Speaker 2>to go now, and I was like, no, you too drunk,

0:30:32.370 --> 0:30:35.290
<v Speaker 2>Like we were both drunk, and she's like no, no, no,

0:30:35.290 --> 0:30:37.650
<v Speaker 2>I haven't had that much. It's you that's been drinking.

0:30:38.010 --> 0:30:39.490
<v Speaker 2>I've been keeping an eye on things because I have

0:30:39.530 --> 0:30:40.970
<v Speaker 2>to drive. I was like, are you sure you're right.

0:30:41.330 --> 0:30:43.130
<v Speaker 2>She's like yeah. I was like okay, well text me

0:30:43.170 --> 0:30:46.650
<v Speaker 2>when you get home. She left, and I remember feeling

0:30:46.690 --> 0:30:49.650
<v Speaker 2>really really lonely at that point because I was like, oh,

0:30:49.850 --> 0:30:53.650
<v Speaker 2>I'm getting divorced. It's just yeah. I just felt really sad,

0:30:54.570 --> 0:30:56.730
<v Speaker 2>but I went to bed. I had like plans to

0:30:56.770 --> 0:31:00.770
<v Speaker 2>catch up with friends the next day and they didn't

0:31:00.810 --> 0:31:02.650
<v Speaker 2>know yet, so I actually told them that day and

0:31:02.650 --> 0:31:05.130
<v Speaker 2>they were really shocked. But it is what it is,

0:31:05.170 --> 0:31:07.410
<v Speaker 2>and we're going to try and make the best of it,

0:31:07.490 --> 0:31:11.770
<v Speaker 2>and I don't want you to pick side. During the day,

0:31:11.650 --> 0:31:15.730
<v Speaker 2>I see in news report and it's the description of

0:31:15.850 --> 0:31:19.770
<v Speaker 2>Gypsy's car, a female her age that has hit and

0:31:19.890 --> 0:31:24.730
<v Speaker 2>killed a cyclist. So I messaged her. I'm like, are

0:31:24.770 --> 0:31:27.050
<v Speaker 2>you okay to get home? All right? Because she never messaged,

0:31:27.130 --> 0:31:30.530
<v Speaker 2>don't get a response, messaged her again, I'm like, hey, like,

0:31:30.610 --> 0:31:32.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm just like a bit freaked out. I've seen this

0:31:32.730 --> 0:31:35.730
<v Speaker 2>news report. She had a distinctive car, so it went

0:31:35.770 --> 0:31:38.610
<v Speaker 2>many a round and you know, you okay, She's like

0:31:38.650 --> 0:31:41.290
<v Speaker 2>came back. So then I was like, showed my friends

0:31:41.370 --> 0:31:43.290
<v Speaker 2>the news report and they're like, that's her car, and

0:31:43.330 --> 0:31:47.010
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, it is her car, isn't it. So I

0:31:47.090 --> 0:31:49.930
<v Speaker 2>ended up messaging her mum because I was quite close

0:31:49.970 --> 0:31:52.410
<v Speaker 2>to her family, and her mom said, yep, she's been

0:31:52.450 --> 0:31:55.610
<v Speaker 2>on an accident. She's okay, I'll let her know. And

0:31:55.650 --> 0:31:58.370
<v Speaker 2>then she's messaged me from a different number because the

0:31:58.370 --> 0:32:00.890
<v Speaker 2>police had taken her phone and said, you know, I

0:32:00.930 --> 0:32:02.290
<v Speaker 2>was in this awfulax. So I don't want to talk

0:32:02.330 --> 0:32:05.450
<v Speaker 2>about it, and I was just like, my brain's like,

0:32:05.490 --> 0:32:08.250
<v Speaker 2>she's going to jail. I went back through the photos

0:32:08.290 --> 0:32:10.330
<v Speaker 2>from the night and I was like, we were drunk, Like

0:32:10.490 --> 0:32:14.170
<v Speaker 2>she should have stayed. I just feel so bad for her.

0:32:14.170 --> 0:32:16.010
<v Speaker 2>I'm telling her like, you know, you're a good person.

0:32:16.050 --> 0:32:17.650
<v Speaker 2>I'll be here for you. But in the back of

0:32:17.690 --> 0:32:19.210
<v Speaker 2>my brain, I'm like, I'm gonna be visiting her in

0:32:19.250 --> 0:32:22.090
<v Speaker 2>a cell in like a year's time. Her life's over.

0:32:22.890 --> 0:32:26.210
<v Speaker 2>She's killed someone. It's a rural community, it's tight knit,

0:32:27.130 --> 0:32:31.490
<v Speaker 2>people are fighting out, they're recognizing her car. She didn't

0:32:31.490 --> 0:32:33.970
<v Speaker 2>know what had been on the news, so I mentioned

0:32:33.970 --> 0:32:37.770
<v Speaker 2>that to her and yeah, it was bad. So then

0:32:38.050 --> 0:32:39.890
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I need to root my ex because

0:32:40.290 --> 0:32:42.650
<v Speaker 2>he's obviously into her, but also he's her friend and

0:32:42.690 --> 0:32:45.090
<v Speaker 2>he needs to know. Haven't seen him for days and

0:32:45.170 --> 0:32:47.810
<v Speaker 2>ring him and he it'swer the phone and I'm like,

0:32:48.130 --> 0:32:50.490
<v Speaker 2>where are you because it was weird and echo He's like, Oh,

0:32:50.530 --> 0:32:52.970
<v Speaker 2>I'm at a hotel. Like why are you at a hotel?

0:32:53.010 --> 0:32:55.330
<v Speaker 2>He's like, Oh, I had a work function and I

0:32:55.370 --> 0:32:58.170
<v Speaker 2>just decided to stay at a hotel easier. I talked

0:32:58.170 --> 0:32:59.690
<v Speaker 2>to him about it and he's like, oh, you know,

0:32:59.730 --> 0:33:01.610
<v Speaker 2>we just need a support her as best as we can.

0:33:01.690 --> 0:33:04.130
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, yep, yep, and I'm asking her,

0:33:04.210 --> 0:33:06.770
<v Speaker 2>like texting her at the same time. And then later

0:33:06.810 --> 0:33:08.730
<v Speaker 2>on find out that they were at that hotel together.

0:33:09.570 --> 0:33:12.410
<v Speaker 2>He he's an idiot and didn't realize that his uber

0:33:12.450 --> 0:33:14.530
<v Speaker 2>account was connected to my email, so I got the

0:33:14.610 --> 0:33:19.370
<v Speaker 2>receipt of their meal in my inbox. So I just thought,

0:33:19.410 --> 0:33:21.410
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I'm just going to message her, said, Hi,

0:33:21.610 --> 0:33:24.410
<v Speaker 2>is ted with you? She's like, oh yeah, he just

0:33:24.570 --> 0:33:26.730
<v Speaker 2>came to check on me and we just ended up,

0:33:26.770 --> 0:33:30.210
<v Speaker 2>you know, going out. Three days after she killed this cyclist,

0:33:30.890 --> 0:33:34.530
<v Speaker 2>she was at a pub and I was like, in disbelief.

0:33:35.010 --> 0:33:38.690
<v Speaker 2>I've had enough. So I messaged her ex partner and

0:33:38.730 --> 0:33:41.170
<v Speaker 2>I said, are they having an affair? And he's like yes,

0:33:41.730 --> 0:33:45.050
<v Speaker 2>I can't believe they would do this to us.

0:33:49.690 --> 0:33:52.890
<v Speaker 1>She was in shock. While all the signs had been there,

0:33:53.250 --> 0:33:56.170
<v Speaker 1>she was certain it couldn't be true. Her best friend

0:33:56.210 --> 0:33:59.170
<v Speaker 1>one of her bride's maids at their wedding. She tried

0:33:59.210 --> 0:34:01.770
<v Speaker 1>to call Gypsy for an explanation, but of course she

0:34:01.810 --> 0:34:04.770
<v Speaker 1>didn't answer, so she sent her a text saying, I

0:34:04.890 --> 0:34:06.210
<v Speaker 1>know what's been going on.

0:34:06.530 --> 0:34:09.690
<v Speaker 2>And she's like Yeah, okay, I understand and blocked me

0:34:09.730 --> 0:34:14.450
<v Speaker 2>on every social media platform. Yeah, just like that. I

0:34:14.490 --> 0:34:17.090
<v Speaker 2>can't deal with this right now, I really can't, but

0:34:17.170 --> 0:34:21.570
<v Speaker 2>I understand your decision, was what she wrote, and yeah,

0:34:21.650 --> 0:34:24.970
<v Speaker 2>blocked me on everything. I mean, he'd have been staring

0:34:25.010 --> 0:34:26.850
<v Speaker 2>me in the face, and my friends had been very

0:34:27.050 --> 0:34:30.610
<v Speaker 2>gently trying to tell me. Again, the small rural town,

0:34:30.730 --> 0:34:33.250
<v Speaker 2>everybody knows everyone, and everybody knows everyone's business. But I

0:34:33.290 --> 0:34:35.730
<v Speaker 2>just didn't want to see it because those are two

0:34:35.730 --> 0:34:38.370
<v Speaker 2>of the people that I cared about the most, and

0:34:38.410 --> 0:34:43.050
<v Speaker 2>they've just done this horrific thing. So then I messaged

0:34:43.130 --> 0:34:45.810
<v Speaker 2>him and I said, I know she's told me, her

0:34:45.850 --> 0:34:48.210
<v Speaker 2>ex has told me. We need to talk about this.

0:34:48.970 --> 0:34:50.690
<v Speaker 2>He didn't come home for a couple of days, and

0:34:50.770 --> 0:34:52.850
<v Speaker 2>I obviously knew at that point that he was with her,

0:34:53.170 --> 0:34:56.930
<v Speaker 2>because I had started talking to her ex partner and

0:34:56.970 --> 0:34:59.850
<v Speaker 2>he's like, she's not here, and I was like cool. So,

0:35:00.210 --> 0:35:02.610
<v Speaker 2>you know, he came home and I was just like,

0:35:02.970 --> 0:35:05.410
<v Speaker 2>she was my best friend. How could you do this.

0:35:06.290 --> 0:35:08.210
<v Speaker 2>It's like, oh, we didn't want to tell you because

0:35:08.210 --> 0:35:09.610
<v Speaker 2>we didn't want to hurt you, And I'm like, no,

0:35:09.650 --> 0:35:11.090
<v Speaker 2>you didn't want to tell me because you knew you

0:35:11.130 --> 0:35:13.690
<v Speaker 2>were doing the wrong thing. Why couldn't you have at

0:35:13.730 --> 0:35:17.170
<v Speaker 2>least been honest. And I just said to him, she's

0:35:17.170 --> 0:35:18.970
<v Speaker 2>going to end up ruining your life, like, this girl's

0:35:19.010 --> 0:35:21.810
<v Speaker 2>going to jail. At that point, the police had been

0:35:21.810 --> 0:35:23.970
<v Speaker 2>in contact with me because they knew I was the

0:35:24.050 --> 0:35:28.130
<v Speaker 2>last person with her, and I just said, here's all

0:35:28.170 --> 0:35:32.370
<v Speaker 2>the texts that she sent me afterwards. Someone's died. She

0:35:32.530 --> 0:35:35.330
<v Speaker 2>was drunk. I was drunk. I asked her to stay.

0:35:35.450 --> 0:35:40.170
<v Speaker 2>Here's the text proving that. Here's the photos that we'd

0:35:40.210 --> 0:35:44.050
<v Speaker 2>taken that night. And you know, I had actually said

0:35:44.050 --> 0:35:47.130
<v Speaker 2>to the cop, I think she's having an affair with

0:35:47.170 --> 0:35:49.410
<v Speaker 2>my husband, and he said, yeah, I did see that.

0:35:49.450 --> 0:35:52.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm really sorry about that. So the cops had confirmed

0:35:52.690 --> 0:35:56.850
<v Speaker 2>it as well. So I told him, like, I've talked

0:35:56.850 --> 0:35:58.850
<v Speaker 2>to the police. You know, this girl's going to jail.

0:35:58.850 --> 0:36:01.730
<v Speaker 2>Don't ruin your life over her. And I still cared

0:36:01.770 --> 0:36:04.730
<v Speaker 2>about him. I didn't. He said, oh, you know, don't

0:36:04.730 --> 0:36:07.770
<v Speaker 2>tell anyone about this, and I said, I'm not going

0:36:07.850 --> 0:36:10.050
<v Speaker 2>to lie. You need to be a big boy, you know,

0:36:10.370 --> 0:36:13.330
<v Speaker 2>and face what you've done. And a couple of friends,

0:36:13.370 --> 0:36:15.210
<v Speaker 2>I think at that point, had already started to click

0:36:15.290 --> 0:36:18.490
<v Speaker 2>on to it. Anyway, it wasn't a good relationship, but

0:36:18.530 --> 0:36:20.490
<v Speaker 2>it came out of the blue, and so everyone was

0:36:20.610 --> 0:36:24.490
<v Speaker 2>very shocked and was like, something's happened, something's happened for

0:36:24.530 --> 0:36:27.570
<v Speaker 2>this to occur. And the way that he was just

0:36:27.650 --> 0:36:30.810
<v Speaker 2>acting fine about it, Like one of my friends tried

0:36:30.810 --> 0:36:32.570
<v Speaker 2>to talk to him about it and he told her, oh,

0:36:32.690 --> 0:36:34.490
<v Speaker 2>you know, I love I love her, but I am

0:36:34.530 --> 0:36:37.010
<v Speaker 2>million in love with her. But he was just indifferent.

0:36:37.010 --> 0:36:40.330
<v Speaker 2>And they're like, this guy seems fine. How is he

0:36:40.410 --> 0:36:43.250
<v Speaker 2>so fine? And one of my good guy mates who

0:36:43.290 --> 0:36:44.890
<v Speaker 2>was also used to be his mate, was late, is

0:36:44.930 --> 0:36:48.290
<v Speaker 2>because he's moved on at he's got another girl. That's

0:36:48.330 --> 0:36:50.090
<v Speaker 2>why it's fine, and he's already ended it in his

0:36:50.130 --> 0:36:53.570
<v Speaker 2>head and moved on. He actually asked him about it,

0:36:53.610 --> 0:36:55.250
<v Speaker 2>and he was like, oh, I didn't sleep with her

0:36:55.330 --> 0:36:57.330
<v Speaker 2>till after I ended the relationship, you know, And if

0:36:57.330 --> 0:37:00.170
<v Speaker 2>that's your answer, you know, if that's the best answer

0:37:00.170 --> 0:37:03.890
<v Speaker 2>you can give, Like, that's not a good answer regardless.

0:37:04.570 --> 0:37:06.650
<v Speaker 2>At this point, we're thinking, you know, she might be

0:37:06.770 --> 0:37:11.250
<v Speaker 2>charged with murdering someone or killing someone or manslaughter or something,

0:37:12.010 --> 0:37:14.530
<v Speaker 2>and hey, he's worried. You know that people are going

0:37:14.610 --> 0:37:18.730
<v Speaker 2>to judge him for having an affair. Also during that time,

0:37:19.570 --> 0:37:22.530
<v Speaker 2>her car was obviously written off. Suddenly a new car

0:37:22.610 --> 0:37:25.650
<v Speaker 2>turns up in our driveway. Obviously, when I found out,

0:37:25.690 --> 0:37:27.530
<v Speaker 2>I was like, I don't want her coming around the house.

0:37:28.290 --> 0:37:30.650
<v Speaker 2>Let's get this sorted as quick as possible. I don't

0:37:30.650 --> 0:37:31.890
<v Speaker 2>want to be in here with you. You don't want

0:37:31.890 --> 0:37:33.530
<v Speaker 2>to be in here with me. Let's just get it sorted.

0:37:33.970 --> 0:37:35.770
<v Speaker 2>But I did say to him, I'm not I'm not

0:37:35.770 --> 0:37:39.650
<v Speaker 2>going to lie for you, and he didn't take that well. So,

0:37:40.810 --> 0:37:43.690
<v Speaker 2>you know, he just started being nasty and I was

0:37:43.690 --> 0:37:45.690
<v Speaker 2>trying to avoid him and he was trying to avoid me.

0:37:45.730 --> 0:37:48.450
<v Speaker 2>And we were in separate rooms by that point. We

0:37:48.490 --> 0:37:50.490
<v Speaker 2>had like a doorbell camera, and I'd seen he was

0:37:50.530 --> 0:37:53.570
<v Speaker 2>downloading conversations because I was talking to my sister a

0:37:53.570 --> 0:37:55.930
<v Speaker 2>lot on the phone and I'd been talking to her

0:37:55.970 --> 0:37:58.890
<v Speaker 2>as i'd come in the house, and he downloaded. It

0:37:59.290 --> 0:38:01.890
<v Speaker 2>gave me an alert, and I was like, look, that

0:38:02.010 --> 0:38:04.930
<v Speaker 2>conversation wasn't it wasn't private, Like I was nothing I

0:38:04.930 --> 0:38:06.810
<v Speaker 2>hadn't chatted to him about already. But I was like,

0:38:06.970 --> 0:38:10.970
<v Speaker 2>that's weird. I'd said, look, I'm spoken to a lawyer

0:38:10.970 --> 0:38:12.770
<v Speaker 2>and this is what I think, And he didn't want

0:38:12.810 --> 0:38:15.090
<v Speaker 2>me to go see a lawyer. Later found out he

0:38:15.090 --> 0:38:18.570
<v Speaker 2>already had a lawyer, but he was sending messages trying

0:38:18.610 --> 0:38:20.690
<v Speaker 2>to convince me not to go to a lawyer. And

0:38:20.690 --> 0:38:22.690
<v Speaker 2>then he sent me these messages saying like, oh, you know,

0:38:22.890 --> 0:38:24.890
<v Speaker 2>I remember you used to be abusive to me. I

0:38:24.890 --> 0:38:26.970
<v Speaker 2>was like, what do you want about? I was like,

0:38:27.370 --> 0:38:29.210
<v Speaker 2>you know what, I don't even want to be with

0:38:29.250 --> 0:38:31.930
<v Speaker 2>you anymore, Like you were accusing me of things that

0:38:32.050 --> 0:38:34.810
<v Speaker 2>basically you were doing to me. And he didn't know,

0:38:34.890 --> 0:38:38.010
<v Speaker 2>but I had photos and stuff from years were things

0:38:38.010 --> 0:38:41.770
<v Speaker 2>that had happened squirreled away. So I was like, what

0:38:41.890 --> 0:38:44.850
<v Speaker 2>do you want to just ignored it? Just weird things

0:38:44.970 --> 0:38:48.930
<v Speaker 2>and just looking back. He was trying to set me

0:38:49.050 --> 0:38:52.850
<v Speaker 2>up to say something, but I wasn't biting, and he's

0:38:52.930 --> 0:38:54.770
<v Speaker 2>muttering things under his breath like oh, she's a better

0:38:54.810 --> 0:38:57.050
<v Speaker 2>route than you, and stuff, just trying to get me

0:38:57.090 --> 0:38:59.490
<v Speaker 2>to get angry. So again, you know, i'd gone outside

0:38:59.490 --> 0:39:02.490
<v Speaker 2>at that point. He came outside started cooking his dinner

0:39:02.530 --> 0:39:05.730
<v Speaker 2>out in the barbecue, so I went back inside. Then

0:39:05.770 --> 0:39:08.850
<v Speaker 2>he comes back inside and he's just pecking away, just

0:39:08.890 --> 0:39:11.410
<v Speaker 2>trying to get me to react, and he's like, you're

0:39:11.410 --> 0:39:13.770
<v Speaker 2>still walking and I was like, I'm not stalking. He's like,

0:39:13.810 --> 0:39:16.770
<v Speaker 2>you've got a stalking group talking about the girls social

0:39:16.930 --> 0:39:19.850
<v Speaker 2>club group. And I was like, if my friends are

0:39:19.850 --> 0:39:23.370
<v Speaker 2>at a pub and they see you out, that's not stalking.

0:39:23.570 --> 0:39:27.130
<v Speaker 2>It's a small town. People are going to talk, you know.

0:39:27.170 --> 0:39:29.530
<v Speaker 2>If you're an idiot to go to all the pub

0:39:29.850 --> 0:39:32.530
<v Speaker 2>then people are going to see you. But what he

0:39:32.610 --> 0:39:34.210
<v Speaker 2>was trying to do was trying to get me to

0:39:34.290 --> 0:39:37.290
<v Speaker 2>buy it and say that yes, I am stalking and stuff.

0:39:37.450 --> 0:39:40.250
<v Speaker 2>He was trying to get a reaction. I even send

0:39:40.290 --> 0:39:42.130
<v Speaker 2>out like a message to a bunch of people like

0:39:42.410 --> 0:39:44.330
<v Speaker 2>I don't want you to hate him, like he's done

0:39:44.370 --> 0:39:45.810
<v Speaker 2>what he's done and he's going to have to deal

0:39:45.810 --> 0:39:48.810
<v Speaker 2>with those consequences. But I don't want you to just

0:39:48.930 --> 0:39:51.970
<v Speaker 2>hate him because I was I don't know why. I

0:39:52.050 --> 0:39:54.170
<v Speaker 2>just felt bad, Like you know, I didn't want to

0:39:54.970 --> 0:39:59.570
<v Speaker 2>have a whole friendship group torn apart. Anyway. One morning,

0:39:59.930 --> 0:40:03.530
<v Speaker 2>there's a card in the door from the police asking

0:40:03.570 --> 0:40:05.770
<v Speaker 2>me to go down to talk to them, and I

0:40:05.850 --> 0:40:09.370
<v Speaker 2>just figured they wanted a formal statement in relation to

0:40:09.690 --> 0:40:12.890
<v Speaker 2>it was only a couple of weeks after what had happened,

0:40:13.530 --> 0:40:17.330
<v Speaker 2>I went to the police station and they throw two

0:40:17.370 --> 0:40:20.930
<v Speaker 2>restraining orders at me. He and her had gone and

0:40:20.970 --> 0:40:26.170
<v Speaker 2>got restraining orders against me. I didn't understand how restraining

0:40:26.250 --> 0:40:28.010
<v Speaker 2>orders work, so I'm like, how has this happened? Like

0:40:28.050 --> 0:40:31.090
<v Speaker 2>I haven't done anything. I was really upset, like I

0:40:31.130 --> 0:40:33.850
<v Speaker 2>was crying hysterically because I was like, my dogs are there,

0:40:33.890 --> 0:40:36.570
<v Speaker 2>like they're my babies, My horses are there, like all

0:40:36.610 --> 0:40:40.010
<v Speaker 2>my animals are there and I can't. He's saying, like

0:40:40.650 --> 0:40:42.770
<v Speaker 2>you can't go there. They are all not even with

0:40:42.810 --> 0:40:46.970
<v Speaker 2>the police escort. I had my medication from the hospital there,

0:40:47.650 --> 0:40:51.410
<v Speaker 2>but I wasn't supposed to stop, so I just was homeless.

0:40:51.970 --> 0:40:57.410
<v Speaker 2>I had my clothes and my wallet and yeah, just

0:40:58.090 --> 0:41:01.450
<v Speaker 2>instantly like I was like what, like how is this

0:41:01.650 --> 0:41:02.650
<v Speaker 2>even leakal.

0:41:02.650 --> 0:41:05.130
<v Speaker 1>But it was taned and Gypsy had gone to the

0:41:05.130 --> 0:41:08.090
<v Speaker 1>police saying they didn't trust Alice in the house or

0:41:08.170 --> 0:41:11.170
<v Speaker 1>anywhere near them, so the police granted them an order.

0:41:11.730 --> 0:41:13.610
<v Speaker 1>Would have to be up to her to try to

0:41:13.650 --> 0:41:14.890
<v Speaker 1>fight to get it removed.

0:41:15.130 --> 0:41:18.250
<v Speaker 2>My lawyers like, we need to get her stuff. I

0:41:18.330 --> 0:41:20.370
<v Speaker 2>don't understand why that's not in there, that she could

0:41:20.370 --> 0:41:22.770
<v Speaker 2>get her stuff, but he literally put a clause in

0:41:22.810 --> 0:41:26.530
<v Speaker 2>there that everything was to be left up to property settlement.

0:41:27.330 --> 0:41:30.290
<v Speaker 2>He had a complete power over all of that assets.

0:41:30.290 --> 0:41:33.570
<v Speaker 2>And even like right after you know, he'd asked the separation,

0:41:33.690 --> 0:41:35.570
<v Speaker 2>he'd locked a bunch of money up in a safe,

0:41:35.570 --> 0:41:37.650
<v Speaker 2>he'd locked the shed doors. I couldn't get into the

0:41:37.650 --> 0:41:40.170
<v Speaker 2>shed where all his tools were for his trade and stuff.

0:41:40.370 --> 0:41:42.810
<v Speaker 2>So he'd already like it was all these steps ahead,

0:41:42.810 --> 0:41:45.170
<v Speaker 2>and I just thought like, oh, that's weird. You know,

0:41:45.530 --> 0:41:47.850
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't there yet because I was still coming to

0:41:47.930 --> 0:41:51.410
<v Speaker 2>terms the fact that we were breaking up. I couldn't go, hey,

0:41:51.650 --> 0:41:53.170
<v Speaker 2>I can't go there. Can you go there? That would

0:41:53.170 --> 0:41:55.170
<v Speaker 2>be a breach of the order. I couldn't get anyone

0:41:55.210 --> 0:41:57.410
<v Speaker 2>to do anything on my behalf. I had to get

0:41:57.490 --> 0:42:00.370
<v Speaker 2>lawyers involved. So I had to pay for lawyers to

0:42:00.530 --> 0:42:02.690
<v Speaker 2>get involved, because the only other way I would have

0:42:02.690 --> 0:42:04.250
<v Speaker 2>been able to do that is like go to court

0:42:04.290 --> 0:42:05.410
<v Speaker 2>and wait for a court day. So I had to

0:42:05.410 --> 0:42:08.690
<v Speaker 2>get lawyers involved to get that sorted. I couldn't just

0:42:08.690 --> 0:42:11.850
<v Speaker 2>send a friend around finally get a court day, you know,

0:42:11.890 --> 0:42:15.250
<v Speaker 2>this months later to get in there. And you know,

0:42:15.290 --> 0:42:19.930
<v Speaker 2>the core system's really long drawn out and easily abused.

0:42:20.490 --> 0:42:21.970
<v Speaker 2>We went in for this thing. I was like, can

0:42:22.010 --> 0:42:23.650
<v Speaker 2>we just get rid of it? Because all the things

0:42:23.650 --> 0:42:25.730
<v Speaker 2>that he had said, Like he said I didn't pay

0:42:25.730 --> 0:42:29.930
<v Speaker 2>any money into the mortgage, which wasn't true. I had

0:42:30.250 --> 0:42:32.890
<v Speaker 2>proof that it was. You know. I had text messages asked, hey,

0:42:32.890 --> 0:42:35.050
<v Speaker 2>what's the mortgage account details? So you know, I had

0:42:35.090 --> 0:42:38.370
<v Speaker 2>all this stuff, you know, And then he'd said like

0:42:38.410 --> 0:42:39.770
<v Speaker 2>I was talking him and I was like, well, I

0:42:39.810 --> 0:42:41.330
<v Speaker 2>have all these people that are going to come forward

0:42:41.370 --> 0:42:43.170
<v Speaker 2>and say no, we just saw them out. We told

0:42:43.210 --> 0:42:46.730
<v Speaker 2>her about it and all these things. I found out

0:42:46.730 --> 0:42:49.810
<v Speaker 2>when he'd picked that fight with me that he'd actually

0:42:50.090 --> 0:42:53.690
<v Speaker 2>secretly filmed me, which is illegal. You can't film someone

0:42:53.690 --> 0:42:56.410
<v Speaker 2>in their home without their consent, but he was obviously

0:42:56.450 --> 0:42:58.730
<v Speaker 2>just trying to He'd said that that was his evidence.

0:42:59.050 --> 0:43:01.250
<v Speaker 2>It's bad enough they found out that he's had an affair,

0:43:01.330 --> 0:43:06.130
<v Speaker 2>but now he's done this, And it was just so cowardly, like, well,

0:43:06.170 --> 0:43:08.530
<v Speaker 2>you're so worried that it's getting out that you're having

0:43:08.530 --> 0:43:10.930
<v Speaker 2>an affair that you're going to try to shut me

0:43:11.010 --> 0:43:14.450
<v Speaker 2>up with a training order. I couldn't believe that you

0:43:14.490 --> 0:43:18.570
<v Speaker 2>could just go in, say someone's abusing me and get

0:43:18.650 --> 0:43:21.370
<v Speaker 2>given an order that makes them homeless with no proof.

0:43:21.810 --> 0:43:25.170
<v Speaker 2>It's a system that's designed to protect people really quickly,

0:43:25.210 --> 0:43:29.530
<v Speaker 2>but it opens it up to being used to abuse people. Yeah,

0:43:29.610 --> 0:43:31.650
<v Speaker 2>and it's apparently. My lawyers were like, oh, yeah, this

0:43:31.650 --> 0:43:34.130
<v Speaker 2>happens all the time, especially in divorces, because it gives

0:43:34.130 --> 0:43:37.290
<v Speaker 2>someone the power to all the assets and then find

0:43:37.330 --> 0:43:42.370
<v Speaker 2>out that she's moved in. And so he's fighting really

0:43:42.410 --> 0:43:46.410
<v Speaker 2>hard because we go to this court hearing and you know,

0:43:46.490 --> 0:43:47.970
<v Speaker 2>I thought we would just be able to present all

0:43:47.970 --> 0:43:50.010
<v Speaker 2>this evidence and they would get rid of it. Doesn't

0:43:50.050 --> 0:43:52.370
<v Speaker 2>work that way. We have to ask for a variation

0:43:52.530 --> 0:43:54.130
<v Speaker 2>and we have to wait for trial for it to

0:43:54.130 --> 0:43:57.530
<v Speaker 2>go away. So they actually made a variation for me

0:43:57.770 --> 0:44:01.290
<v Speaker 2>to go there to the house, which he obviously wasn't

0:44:01.330 --> 0:44:04.890
<v Speaker 2>happy about, and he would just make it so difficult.

0:44:04.970 --> 0:44:07.650
<v Speaker 2>And you know, the first time I tried to go there,

0:44:07.770 --> 0:44:09.850
<v Speaker 2>he was just making all these rules and stuff, and

0:44:09.890 --> 0:44:13.050
<v Speaker 2>my lawyer's talking to him and he's like, the magistrates

0:44:13.170 --> 0:44:15.970
<v Speaker 2>ordered this. You're disobeying a court order, you know, because

0:44:15.970 --> 0:44:18.850
<v Speaker 2>he's saying he wants to be there, and I was like,

0:44:18.930 --> 0:44:21.210
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to go near him. Like he's trying

0:44:21.250 --> 0:44:23.090
<v Speaker 2>to engage me in a conflict. I don't want to

0:44:23.130 --> 0:44:26.930
<v Speaker 2>go there when he's there. So the first time I

0:44:26.970 --> 0:44:29.130
<v Speaker 2>couldn't go. Then he's like, I want to be able

0:44:29.130 --> 0:44:32.170
<v Speaker 2>to film her when she goes there, and I want

0:44:32.290 --> 0:44:33.970
<v Speaker 2>to have a person there at all times. And he

0:44:34.050 --> 0:44:38.610
<v Speaker 2>kept nominating like gypsies, family members, and he would make

0:44:38.650 --> 0:44:40.850
<v Speaker 2>it so difficult for me to go to the house

0:44:40.890 --> 0:44:43.850
<v Speaker 2>and I still couldn't take like I had nothing. I

0:44:43.890 --> 0:44:46.330
<v Speaker 2>was staying with friends, but I couldn't stay like I

0:44:46.370 --> 0:44:49.130
<v Speaker 2>was in a room. I couldn't stay there long term.

0:44:49.170 --> 0:44:52.130
<v Speaker 2>I felt really awful because I'm putting them in the

0:44:52.170 --> 0:44:55.090
<v Speaker 2>middle of this, and I don't want them to be

0:44:55.130 --> 0:44:57.410
<v Speaker 2>in the middle of this. But he's every time I

0:44:57.410 --> 0:44:59.850
<v Speaker 2>would pick someone, he'd find a reason that he didn't

0:44:59.930 --> 0:45:01.890
<v Speaker 2>like them, so then I'd have to pick another person.

0:45:02.090 --> 0:45:05.010
<v Speaker 2>And it was just horrific, and I'm like, I remember

0:45:05.050 --> 0:45:07.690
<v Speaker 2>the first time I went to court, my lawyers like

0:45:07.730 --> 0:45:11.250
<v Speaker 2>don't look at him, and I couldn't help, but like, sneek,

0:45:11.250 --> 0:45:13.170
<v Speaker 2>you look at because I'm like, how are you doing

0:45:13.210 --> 0:45:16.610
<v Speaker 2>this to me? Like I care about you and I

0:45:16.730 --> 0:45:19.530
<v Speaker 2>was defending you even when you'd had an affair. I'm

0:45:19.530 --> 0:45:22.290
<v Speaker 2>saying that people don't hate him like you know, he's

0:45:22.330 --> 0:45:23.970
<v Speaker 2>going to have to deal with what he's done. And

0:45:24.850 --> 0:45:28.610
<v Speaker 2>you've done this just because you're too cowardly to admit

0:45:28.930 --> 0:45:30.170
<v Speaker 2>to you having an affair.

0:45:30.650 --> 0:45:32.930
<v Speaker 1>And from there it's somehow got even worse.

0:45:33.290 --> 0:45:35.410
<v Speaker 2>He's out and proud with her at this point. I

0:45:35.450 --> 0:45:37.850
<v Speaker 2>remember being like out with a friend at the pub

0:45:38.610 --> 0:45:42.010
<v Speaker 2>across the road. They had parked up, seen us and

0:45:42.090 --> 0:45:44.570
<v Speaker 2>walked across and walked in and came up to us.

0:45:45.170 --> 0:45:47.370
<v Speaker 2>He's got a restraining order because he's claimed that I'm

0:45:47.410 --> 0:45:50.050
<v Speaker 2>abusive and I'm stalking him, and he's afraid of me.

0:45:50.570 --> 0:45:53.810
<v Speaker 2>He's smirking and laughing. So we had to get up

0:45:53.850 --> 0:45:55.850
<v Speaker 2>and leave our dinner at our drinks and leave because

0:45:55.930 --> 0:45:59.410
<v Speaker 2>otherwise I'd be breaching the order. That's not the actions

0:45:59.410 --> 0:46:02.690
<v Speaker 2>of someone that's afraid. You know. During all this, he's

0:46:02.690 --> 0:46:04.890
<v Speaker 2>sending me emails, Hey, your work stuff's here, When are

0:46:04.890 --> 0:46:06.970
<v Speaker 2>you going to come get it? One of the pets

0:46:06.970 --> 0:46:09.210
<v Speaker 2>has died. I'm home all day. Do you want to

0:46:09.210 --> 0:46:10.770
<v Speaker 2>come and get your stuff that I know you need

0:46:10.810 --> 0:46:16.570
<v Speaker 2>for work? So he was trying to entice the breach.

0:46:17.290 --> 0:46:19.690
<v Speaker 2>He was very big on his like good guy image

0:46:20.210 --> 0:46:23.530
<v Speaker 2>and that was about to get trashed, but in getting

0:46:23.530 --> 0:46:26.010
<v Speaker 2>restraining order, he trashed it even more than I ever

0:46:26.050 --> 0:46:29.210
<v Speaker 2>possibly could have because people were shocked, and I think

0:46:29.250 --> 0:46:33.370
<v Speaker 2>at first people didn't want to pick sides. But you know,

0:46:33.450 --> 0:46:36.450
<v Speaker 2>actions speak louder than words, and something I noticed he

0:46:36.490 --> 0:46:39.130
<v Speaker 2>would always say the right thing, but the actions he

0:46:39.170 --> 0:46:42.610
<v Speaker 2>did were completely different. So he might say one thing,

0:46:42.650 --> 0:46:45.050
<v Speaker 2>but the things he was doing. My friends are seeing

0:46:45.050 --> 0:46:49.570
<v Speaker 2>me distraught, you know, upset, crying, and he's out making

0:46:49.650 --> 0:46:53.250
<v Speaker 2>jokes apparently on Facebook about me. How he's free TOI

0:46:53.250 --> 0:46:54.810
<v Speaker 2>could do what he wants and stuff, and people like

0:46:54.850 --> 0:46:58.130
<v Speaker 2>your wife's homeless. Had a friend that had like a

0:46:58.170 --> 0:47:00.450
<v Speaker 2>farm with a shed on it. Must moved into the shed.

0:47:01.050 --> 0:47:03.610
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have any running water, I didn't have a kitchen.

0:47:03.890 --> 0:47:07.650
<v Speaker 2>Like my friends all banded together. They made like a

0:47:07.690 --> 0:47:10.930
<v Speaker 2>pump system to pump water from a water tank like

0:47:10.930 --> 0:47:13.970
<v Speaker 2>a couple of ac way to the house and got

0:47:13.970 --> 0:47:17.730
<v Speaker 2>me some vouchers to get closed furniture. So you know,

0:47:17.890 --> 0:47:20.610
<v Speaker 2>I'm very very lucky. You know that whole time, I'm

0:47:20.610 --> 0:47:25.130
<v Speaker 2>getting nasty emails from his lawyer, and you know, I'm

0:47:25.130 --> 0:47:28.050
<v Speaker 2>trying to get him to disclose, and he's not disclosing.

0:47:29.010 --> 0:47:31.650
<v Speaker 2>We're just going back and forth. Like I was terrified

0:47:31.690 --> 0:47:33.730
<v Speaker 2>because my lawyer is like, he's trying to get you

0:47:33.770 --> 0:47:36.450
<v Speaker 2>to breach, you know, and the police will arrest you

0:47:36.490 --> 0:47:39.050
<v Speaker 2>and they'll ask questions later. So you know, I'd go

0:47:39.090 --> 0:47:40.690
<v Speaker 2>to the shops and I'd take a picture of my

0:47:40.770 --> 0:47:43.770
<v Speaker 2>car so that if he saw my car shops and

0:47:43.810 --> 0:47:46.010
<v Speaker 2>parked next to me, he couldn't say that I'd park

0:47:46.130 --> 0:47:48.330
<v Speaker 2>next to him, and just things like that. I was

0:47:48.370 --> 0:47:51.730
<v Speaker 2>so paranoid for so long. The trial was set for

0:47:51.850 --> 0:47:55.850
<v Speaker 2>six months away, which apparently is a quick turnaround. So

0:47:55.970 --> 0:47:58.530
<v Speaker 2>with a restraining order, it's an intram order and you

0:47:58.570 --> 0:48:01.450
<v Speaker 2>can object and if you object, then it goes to

0:48:01.530 --> 0:48:05.210
<v Speaker 2>a it's called like a final hearing, and it's basically

0:48:05.210 --> 0:48:07.490
<v Speaker 2>where you would present all your evidence and they would

0:48:07.490 --> 0:48:10.370
<v Speaker 2>decide whether the order became final or if it was dismissed.

0:48:11.370 --> 0:48:14.050
<v Speaker 2>So I objected, and in the meantime, we had what

0:48:14.050 --> 0:48:16.250
<v Speaker 2>are they called a variance or something to the order

0:48:16.770 --> 0:48:19.450
<v Speaker 2>because he had misled the court. But in my mind,

0:48:19.490 --> 0:48:21.210
<v Speaker 2>it's like, why can't I just get rid of it.

0:48:21.570 --> 0:48:23.170
<v Speaker 2>I've proved that he's led on this and this and this,

0:48:23.930 --> 0:48:26.810
<v Speaker 2>you know, but a variation. Sorry it's called But so

0:48:26.850 --> 0:48:29.410
<v Speaker 2>I had to wait and we get days out and

0:48:29.450 --> 0:48:31.250
<v Speaker 2>he just goes, you know what, I'm going to drop it.

0:48:31.730 --> 0:48:34.170
<v Speaker 2>And I was so angry. So he dropped it, and

0:48:34.170 --> 0:48:36.810
<v Speaker 2>I wanted me to sign like an undertaking, which is

0:48:36.890 --> 0:48:39.290
<v Speaker 2>just a fancy word for a promise that is, I

0:48:39.290 --> 0:48:41.130
<v Speaker 2>promise I won't go near you, promise you won't go

0:48:41.210 --> 0:48:44.250
<v Speaker 2>near me. And I was so upset, and so is

0:48:44.290 --> 0:48:47.170
<v Speaker 2>my family and stuff. And the lawyers were like, look new,

0:48:47.210 --> 0:48:49.490
<v Speaker 2>we knew this is this is common. Hayes got nothing,

0:48:49.650 --> 0:48:51.530
<v Speaker 2>you know, because we'd ask for his evidence and he'd

0:48:51.530 --> 0:48:55.450
<v Speaker 2>refused to give it to us. And I was so angry.

0:48:55.450 --> 0:48:56.890
<v Speaker 2>I was like, no, I want to go to trial,

0:48:57.090 --> 0:48:59.290
<v Speaker 2>like I've got all these people ready to speak, I've

0:48:59.330 --> 0:49:01.610
<v Speaker 2>got all this evidence, I've got evidence that he's actually

0:49:01.690 --> 0:49:03.770
<v Speaker 2>abused me. I was like, you know, I want to

0:49:03.770 --> 0:49:06.010
<v Speaker 2>go in there and prove like you've accused me of

0:49:06.050 --> 0:49:08.810
<v Speaker 2>these horrible things. I want to prove it. But my

0:49:08.890 --> 0:49:10.930
<v Speaker 2>lawyers were like, there's no point you're going to get

0:49:10.970 --> 0:49:12.930
<v Speaker 2>to court to stand up and say he's happy to

0:49:13.010 --> 0:49:16.090
<v Speaker 2>drop it, and the magistrate's going to say, why are

0:49:16.090 --> 0:49:20.370
<v Speaker 2>you wasting my time? It was so frustrating that people

0:49:20.410 --> 0:49:23.770
<v Speaker 2>can ruin someone else's life and not have to answer

0:49:23.770 --> 0:49:28.130
<v Speaker 2>for it. Why wasn't He asked, why you withdrawing it?

0:49:28.570 --> 0:49:31.250
<v Speaker 2>You've kept it on for this long. And I couldn't

0:49:31.290 --> 0:49:32.890
<v Speaker 2>just go back to the house because he changed the

0:49:32.970 --> 0:49:34.370
<v Speaker 2>locks and he'd moved her in, and not that I

0:49:34.370 --> 0:49:36.730
<v Speaker 2>would want to, but you know what I mean. Like,

0:49:36.850 --> 0:49:40.610
<v Speaker 2>so she dropped hers like a day later, so they

0:49:40.650 --> 0:49:43.970
<v Speaker 2>both dropped them before trial. Finally, a couple months later,

0:49:44.050 --> 0:49:47.250
<v Speaker 2>was able to go get all my stuff, and you know,

0:49:47.290 --> 0:49:49.090
<v Speaker 2>he's insisting that I'm not allowed to pack it, and

0:49:49.090 --> 0:49:51.690
<v Speaker 2>I'm not allowed to touch it. He insisted on packing.

0:49:52.490 --> 0:49:55.290
<v Speaker 2>So I get my stuff. It's always thrown in a heat.

0:49:55.930 --> 0:49:59.770
<v Speaker 2>A bunch of stuff's broken, and there's when I get

0:49:59.810 --> 0:50:03.010
<v Speaker 2>home and I'm unpacking, there's dog shit and a threat

0:50:03.130 --> 0:50:05.490
<v Speaker 2>in one of the boxes. I went to the police station.

0:50:05.610 --> 0:50:07.090
<v Speaker 2>I gave them all that evidence, so like, do you

0:50:07.130 --> 0:50:11.130
<v Speaker 2>want to charge plus the threat dog feces? Like do

0:50:11.170 --> 0:50:12.970
<v Speaker 2>you want to And I was like no, I just

0:50:13.010 --> 0:50:15.130
<v Speaker 2>want him to live alone. It took a bit of

0:50:15.130 --> 0:50:17.290
<v Speaker 2>convincing for them to get me to get a restraining

0:50:17.370 --> 0:50:19.370
<v Speaker 2>order because I was like, this was this horrible thing

0:50:19.410 --> 0:50:20.930
<v Speaker 2>that was done to me, and I don't want to

0:50:20.930 --> 0:50:22.330
<v Speaker 2>do that to someone else, and I don't want to

0:50:22.370 --> 0:50:25.050
<v Speaker 2>be that person. But they're like, you're not getting it

0:50:25.250 --> 0:50:28.490
<v Speaker 2>for the wrong reasons. You're getting it for the right reasons.

0:50:28.610 --> 0:50:30.810
<v Speaker 2>You know, he was using it as a sword, you're

0:50:30.890 --> 0:50:34.570
<v Speaker 2>using it as a shield. So I went and got

0:50:34.610 --> 0:50:39.450
<v Speaker 2>the restraining order, and you know, he got served. So

0:50:39.490 --> 0:50:43.370
<v Speaker 2>he agreed to they call like a consent order. It's

0:50:43.370 --> 0:50:46.370
<v Speaker 2>basically a restraining order. It's just with no admissions. So

0:50:46.410 --> 0:50:49.850
<v Speaker 2>he agreed to that. And meanwhile, I'm still trying to

0:50:49.890 --> 0:50:54.410
<v Speaker 2>get the money side, like property side resolved, because I'm

0:50:54.450 --> 0:50:57.170
<v Speaker 2>living in a shed until I can get this sorted.

0:50:57.850 --> 0:51:01.130
<v Speaker 2>He's spending money, like there's no tomorrow out of our mortgage.

0:51:01.370 --> 0:51:05.290
<v Speaker 2>They're going on holidays and stuff, and I'm like, and also,

0:51:05.650 --> 0:51:07.970
<v Speaker 2>she's killed someone. So in the middle of all of this,

0:51:08.450 --> 0:51:13.250
<v Speaker 2>the whole town's pissed off. They're seeing them out, they're angry,

0:51:13.930 --> 0:51:16.490
<v Speaker 2>they're talking. People coming up to me. I heard what

0:51:16.570 --> 0:51:19.090
<v Speaker 2>happened to that, so you know, fuck, that's shit, Like

0:51:19.770 --> 0:51:22.090
<v Speaker 2>it's bringing it up for me. I don't want to

0:51:22.090 --> 0:51:25.050
<v Speaker 2>be that girl that had this horrible thing happened to them,

0:51:25.650 --> 0:51:28.730
<v Speaker 2>and also the family of that poor cyclist, like they've

0:51:28.770 --> 0:51:35.410
<v Speaker 2>lost someone. That's horrific, and this person's being lost in

0:51:35.450 --> 0:51:39.370
<v Speaker 2>all the town gossip and chatter and stuff. So finally

0:51:39.450 --> 0:51:43.730
<v Speaker 2>had to get orders to get him to settle and

0:51:44.650 --> 0:51:47.650
<v Speaker 2>manage to get that done. In the meantime, my order

0:51:48.050 --> 0:51:55.570
<v Speaker 2>expires and you know, start getting nasty messages. And during

0:51:55.610 --> 0:51:59.290
<v Speaker 2>this whole process as well, she goes to court and

0:51:59.490 --> 0:52:02.450
<v Speaker 2>that was on the news. People are sending me the news,

0:52:03.050 --> 0:52:04.930
<v Speaker 2>you know, no clip, and I'm like, yeah, I've seen it,

0:52:04.970 --> 0:52:08.330
<v Speaker 2>like I know, like I feel so awful for the family.

0:52:09.050 --> 0:52:10.970
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to be involved.

0:52:11.170 --> 0:52:15.730
<v Speaker 1>Gypsy was charged, convicted, fined, and lost her license, but

0:52:15.810 --> 0:52:18.290
<v Speaker 1>she didn't go to jail. So while she has to

0:52:18.370 --> 0:52:21.170
<v Speaker 1>live with what she did, she's doing so as a

0:52:21.210 --> 0:52:22.970
<v Speaker 1>free woman with Ted.

0:52:23.370 --> 0:52:25.210
<v Speaker 2>By that point, none of my friends wanted anything to

0:52:25.210 --> 0:52:28.410
<v Speaker 2>do with them. There was two people who I cut

0:52:28.450 --> 0:52:31.410
<v Speaker 2>off that decided to stay friends with him. I cut

0:52:31.450 --> 0:52:33.370
<v Speaker 2>them off just for my own good. And you know,

0:52:33.610 --> 0:52:36.050
<v Speaker 2>at the end of the day, if they wanted to

0:52:36.050 --> 0:52:38.410
<v Speaker 2>be friends with someone that had had a fair and

0:52:38.490 --> 0:52:40.770
<v Speaker 2>gipsy who didn't like those people, but you know, they're

0:52:40.770 --> 0:52:42.410
<v Speaker 2>the only friend she has now, so I guess she's

0:52:42.450 --> 0:52:45.490
<v Speaker 2>got no choice. But if that's who they wanted to

0:52:45.530 --> 0:52:48.130
<v Speaker 2>be with, then that's the behavior they're okay with. I

0:52:48.130 --> 0:52:50.090
<v Speaker 2>don't want to be friends with you, doesn't matter how

0:52:50.170 --> 0:52:52.690
<v Speaker 2>much I like you, doesn't matter how good our memories are, Like,

0:52:52.770 --> 0:52:56.050
<v Speaker 2>I just need her to separate myself from that, which

0:52:56.090 --> 0:52:58.210
<v Speaker 2>is hard because you know, I do have some good memories,

0:52:58.250 --> 0:53:01.330
<v Speaker 2>but i've you know, cut myself off. I know that

0:53:01.370 --> 0:53:04.730
<v Speaker 2>she's been abused and called out and not that I,

0:53:04.810 --> 0:53:06.610
<v Speaker 2>you know, asked people to do that or anything that

0:53:06.610 --> 0:53:10.210
<v Speaker 2>people were just angry, like, not only did you you

0:53:10.210 --> 0:53:12.250
<v Speaker 2>know they all saw her at the wedding. They all

0:53:12.330 --> 0:53:15.690
<v Speaker 2>knew that we were friends, so they that's made them angry.

0:53:15.930 --> 0:53:19.530
<v Speaker 2>I had a few people say they didn't particularly like her,

0:53:20.290 --> 0:53:22.370
<v Speaker 2>but they'd never said anything, because you know, she was

0:53:22.410 --> 0:53:24.730
<v Speaker 2>my friend. But I don't know if they're just saying

0:53:24.770 --> 0:53:27.450
<v Speaker 2>that now to try and make me feel better. And

0:53:27.530 --> 0:53:30.250
<v Speaker 2>I was like, oh, next time, tell me. But I

0:53:30.290 --> 0:53:33.770
<v Speaker 2>thought she was a good person, and like, I think, honestly,

0:53:33.770 --> 0:53:35.530
<v Speaker 2>she's just one of those people that can't not be

0:53:35.570 --> 0:53:38.490
<v Speaker 2>in a relationship. And I think he probably flirted with

0:53:38.530 --> 0:53:40.930
<v Speaker 2>her and she flirted back and realized that she could

0:53:41.290 --> 0:53:44.610
<v Speaker 2>manipulate the situation. I think she probably wanted to keep

0:53:44.650 --> 0:53:46.850
<v Speaker 2>both of us around. I think depending on the way

0:53:46.890 --> 0:53:48.930
<v Speaker 2>it went, because why would you keep hanging out with

0:53:48.970 --> 0:53:51.610
<v Speaker 2>me and talking to me and engaging with me and

0:53:51.690 --> 0:53:53.850
<v Speaker 2>even saying like, oh, we should get a rental together.

0:53:54.290 --> 0:53:57.250
<v Speaker 2>I think if he had said to her, no, I'm

0:53:57.250 --> 0:53:59.490
<v Speaker 2>not going to leave her, I'm going to stay with her,

0:53:59.850 --> 0:54:01.770
<v Speaker 2>they would have just both pretended it never happened and

0:54:01.850 --> 0:54:07.090
<v Speaker 2>would just like kept going. It's been almost three years. Yeah,

0:54:07.130 --> 0:54:09.970
<v Speaker 2>I got my little dream farm thing going, so it

0:54:10.170 --> 0:54:14.330
<v Speaker 2>just got some chiks, dogs are happy. I had to

0:54:14.370 --> 0:54:16.330
<v Speaker 2>do that on my own, had to pay for that

0:54:16.410 --> 0:54:19.610
<v Speaker 2>on my own because I did try and reach out

0:54:20.290 --> 0:54:22.210
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why I'm in it because I'm a idiot,

0:54:22.210 --> 0:54:24.130
<v Speaker 2>and try and get him to pay for half. But

0:54:24.810 --> 0:54:27.090
<v Speaker 2>I thought of if you at least have to pay BAF,

0:54:27.130 --> 0:54:29.650
<v Speaker 2>but he just made it so difficult. I think one

0:54:29.650 --> 0:54:31.890
<v Speaker 2>of the things I realized as soon as we separated,

0:54:31.930 --> 0:54:34.250
<v Speaker 2>like I see my friend's little room is like you know,

0:54:34.490 --> 0:54:37.570
<v Speaker 2>a week after it happened, and I just realized, oh,

0:54:37.610 --> 0:54:40.770
<v Speaker 2>I don't love him, I don't miss him. The situation's bad,

0:54:40.810 --> 0:54:44.170
<v Speaker 2>but being away from him this isn't bad. My friends

0:54:44.170 --> 0:54:46.610
<v Speaker 2>have said to me like since the separation, like you've

0:54:46.610 --> 0:54:48.850
<v Speaker 2>got your sparkle back, like this is how you're meant

0:54:48.850 --> 0:54:52.130
<v Speaker 2>to be, or like not anxious anymore. And I try

0:54:52.170 --> 0:54:54.770
<v Speaker 2>not to think about them. Obviously, it gets brought up

0:54:54.890 --> 0:54:58.250
<v Speaker 2>because it's a small town and people are still mad

0:54:58.290 --> 0:55:01.410
<v Speaker 2>about it. I feel sorry for them, to be honest,

0:55:01.450 --> 0:55:04.290
<v Speaker 2>I feel sorry for her. She had a good friend

0:55:04.290 --> 0:55:07.130
<v Speaker 2>and she treated her friend like that, and she's got

0:55:07.170 --> 0:55:10.530
<v Speaker 2>no one. She literally has no one. People are upset

0:55:10.570 --> 0:55:13.210
<v Speaker 2>and angry, and I can't imagine what it would feel

0:55:13.290 --> 0:55:15.050
<v Speaker 2>like to be in a room full of people that

0:55:15.610 --> 0:55:17.970
<v Speaker 2>all know what you did, the worst two things that

0:55:18.010 --> 0:55:21.210
<v Speaker 2>you've done, and hate you for it, and openly some

0:55:21.250 --> 0:55:23.770
<v Speaker 2>of them openly hate you for it. She has to

0:55:23.770 --> 0:55:26.770
<v Speaker 2>live with the fact that she killed someone. You know,

0:55:27.250 --> 0:55:30.490
<v Speaker 2>he's not a catch. You know, I thought he was,

0:55:30.530 --> 0:55:33.170
<v Speaker 2>but he's not. He's not a good person. He was

0:55:33.250 --> 0:55:35.970
<v Speaker 2>really nasty to me at times, and he's probably been

0:55:36.010 --> 0:55:38.930
<v Speaker 2>really nasty to her now that the you know, the

0:55:39.010 --> 0:55:42.410
<v Speaker 2>initial love bombing stage is over. You know, I remember

0:55:42.450 --> 0:55:45.330
<v Speaker 2>seeing the disclosure and going, oh, he took me to

0:55:45.370 --> 0:55:46.770
<v Speaker 2>that place, and he took me to that place and

0:55:46.810 --> 0:55:50.130
<v Speaker 2>he did this, He's done the same pattern. It was crazy,

0:55:50.170 --> 0:55:53.850
<v Speaker 2>you know, so I just feel sorry for she's jumped

0:55:53.850 --> 0:55:57.050
<v Speaker 2>into this relationship because she can't be on her and

0:55:57.130 --> 0:55:59.290
<v Speaker 2>she's she had to be in another relationship. You had

0:55:59.290 --> 0:56:02.730
<v Speaker 2>to depend on someone else, and she's with this guy.

0:56:02.810 --> 0:56:05.730
<v Speaker 2>And my Auntie said, you know, the one thing that

0:56:05.810 --> 0:56:08.570
<v Speaker 2>they have in common is you. I wouldn't want to

0:56:08.570 --> 0:56:11.930
<v Speaker 2>be them. Some days I get really frustrated, but you know,

0:56:11.970 --> 0:56:14.330
<v Speaker 2>I just laugh, just try laugh it off at this

0:56:14.410 --> 0:56:18.050
<v Speaker 2>point because it doesn't really hurt anymore. You know, I

0:56:18.170 --> 0:56:20.530
<v Speaker 2>just think of it as well, you know, you wanted him,

0:56:20.530 --> 0:56:26.650
<v Speaker 2>you got him. Enjoy like I'm really happy, Like I'm yeah,

0:56:26.890 --> 0:56:29.650
<v Speaker 2>and where I always wanted to be back home. That's

0:56:29.690 --> 0:56:32.810
<v Speaker 2>really important to me. Still got all my friends around me.

0:56:32.890 --> 0:56:38.210
<v Speaker 2>They've been amazing. My sister's been absolutely amazing, the most supportive,

0:56:38.250 --> 0:56:41.090
<v Speaker 2>most amazing person, and it's been there for me every

0:56:41.130 --> 0:56:43.930
<v Speaker 2>single day. So I don't know how I would have

0:56:43.970 --> 0:56:47.050
<v Speaker 2>got through it without her. It's actually been really freeing.

0:56:47.610 --> 0:56:49.450
<v Speaker 2>He had me in this place where I thought like

0:56:49.570 --> 0:56:52.170
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't do anything and I wasn't good enough to

0:56:52.250 --> 0:56:54.530
<v Speaker 2>do anything myself, and I would never make it. And

0:56:54.570 --> 0:56:59.010
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, well, my dream little house, like this beautiful

0:56:59.010 --> 0:57:01.570
<v Speaker 2>deck that overlooks the bush that I sit on, you know,

0:57:01.650 --> 0:57:04.770
<v Speaker 2>and watch the birds and stuff. I've been dating, like casually.

0:57:05.410 --> 0:57:07.170
<v Speaker 2>I was dating really nice guy for a while, but

0:57:07.290 --> 0:57:10.290
<v Speaker 2>I just wasn't feeling it, so you know, that ended.

0:57:10.290 --> 0:57:13.290
<v Speaker 2>But he was really lovely. Yeah, I was just happy

0:57:13.330 --> 0:57:16.410
<v Speaker 2>being single at the moment. When I meet someone and

0:57:16.770 --> 0:57:18.290
<v Speaker 2>they're nice and I like them and they're like me,

0:57:18.370 --> 0:57:20.530
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure something will happen. But until then, I'm not

0:57:20.570 --> 0:57:23.610
<v Speaker 2>sitting there going, oh, I'm so lonely. Like I'm happy

0:57:23.610 --> 0:57:27.450
<v Speaker 2>and fulfilled in myself and and my work and my hobbies.

0:57:27.490 --> 0:57:31.890
<v Speaker 2>And I look back and I'm so glad that we

0:57:32.010 --> 0:57:34.650
<v Speaker 2>broke up, and I feel really sorry. Like it feels

0:57:34.650 --> 0:57:36.730
<v Speaker 2>like looking at a different person. I feel so sorry

0:57:36.810 --> 0:57:39.410
<v Speaker 2>for the girl that I was, that I was so

0:57:39.490 --> 0:57:41.730
<v Speaker 2>in love with this guy and just trying to constantly

0:57:41.930 --> 0:57:44.730
<v Speaker 2>keep him happy and change herself and do all these things,

0:57:45.570 --> 0:57:48.010
<v Speaker 2>and I feel so sorry for her. It's like looking

0:57:48.050 --> 0:57:58.770
<v Speaker 2>at a different person in a different life.

0:58:04.850 --> 0:58:07.810
<v Speaker 1>Everyone has an Eggs is a Minti Media production and

0:58:07.850 --> 0:58:10.770
<v Speaker 1>proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. It's written

0:58:10.810 --> 0:58:14.450
<v Speaker 1>and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

0:58:14.690 --> 0:58:16.970
<v Speaker 1>If you like we have Heard, support the podcast by

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<v Speaker 1>hitting subscribe, writing a review, and leaving us five stars.

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