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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

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Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast

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Speaker 1: is recorded on. This episode deals with domestic violence and miscarriage.

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Speaker 1: Listener discretion is advised. Not every relationship is perfect christ

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Speaker 1: none are, really, but some of far less perfect than others. Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: though she didn't really see it at the time, that

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Speaker 1: was the type Alice found herself in.

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Speaker 2: Like little fights and little problems started to rear their head.

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Speaker 2: And I had had one of my previous roommates put

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Speaker 2: me aside and say, you know, I'm noticing that you're

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Speaker 2: not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more, and

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Speaker 2: like he just doesn't care.

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Speaker 1: But she loved him. Isn't that what we hear so often?

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Speaker 1: You let things slide, you ignore the little things in

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Speaker 1: pursuit of more of the great times. But what about

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Speaker 1: when they're not just little things anymore but insteaded something really,

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Speaker 1: really big.

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Speaker 2: I've just said to him, she's going to end up

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Speaker 2: ruining your life, Like this girl's going to jail.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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Speaker 1: Come with me As we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Alice's story

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Speaker 1: starts like many others before her, and no doubt like

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Speaker 1: Minnie water Come. She was in her mid twenties and

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Speaker 1: had just gone through her first proper breakup, so decided

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Speaker 1: to branch out a little further and that's when she

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Speaker 1: met Ted.

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Speaker 2: So I was a bit heartbroken, and that person was

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Speaker 2: still in my friend's group. So I was going out

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Speaker 2: and meeting new people just so I wasn't always around.

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Speaker 2: And that's how I met Ted, just through some people

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Speaker 2: that I hadn't hung out with in a while to

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Speaker 2: hang out with them, and I met him and he

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Speaker 2: seemed really, really lovely. There was like a mutual friend

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Speaker 2: that was sort of like, oh, he's such a nice guy,

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Speaker 2: and I know you've been through a rough time and

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Speaker 2: he'll take care of your sort of thing. I was

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Speaker 2: still pretty much going out partying and having fun, and

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Speaker 2: he was at some of the parties and hey would

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Speaker 2: be like, he gave me his jumper because I was cold,

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Speaker 2: and hey, he didn't have a jumper for the whole

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Speaker 2: night and it was a cold night, and things like that.

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Speaker 2: He took me out on a date and he brought roses.

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Speaker 2: Kind of blown away by that. We went to the movies,

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Speaker 2: I think, and he brought like the movie ticket for

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Speaker 2: me without asking, and that had never really happened to

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Speaker 2: me before. So I was like, oh, you know, that's

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Speaker 2: so nice, and yeah, you know, it was just really

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Speaker 2: stayed really sweet. He wasn't the normal type of person

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Speaker 2: that I would date. He seemed a little bit nerdy,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, just seemed sweet. He wasn't in the thick

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Speaker 2: of it, if you know what I mean. At parties

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Speaker 2: and stuff. He was sort of just in the background

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Speaker 2: the best way I can describe it. But like if

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Speaker 2: he did anything, he was kind of quiet. But if

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Speaker 2: he did anything, it would be like he would jump

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Speaker 2: in and buy someone to drink and they didn't even ask,

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Speaker 2: or you know, if he went to a party, he

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Speaker 2: would just buy a cart and for everyone nobody had asked.

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Speaker 2: He would come pick me up in his car and

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Speaker 2: you know, hey would take me out and he refused

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Speaker 2: to let me pay for anything. We went to like

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Speaker 2: a market and he saw me looking at something and

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Speaker 2: he just brought it, didn't as just brought it for me. See, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was sort of blown away because I'd always gone

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Speaker 2: halves in every other relationship or in some of the relationships,

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Speaker 2: like I was buying stuff for the guy because we

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Speaker 2: were all quite young and so some of the guys

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Speaker 2: was dating were still like doing apprenticeships and stuff. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I was just sort of I'd never been treated like

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Speaker 2: that before.

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Speaker 1: It's fair to say she was pretty smitten. So soon

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Speaker 1: enough they made it official.

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Speaker 2: It sort of just happened. People were really happy for me.

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Speaker 2: He hadn't been on a relationship for a very long

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Speaker 2: time for years and years, so people were really stoked

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Speaker 2: for him that he had a girlfriend and that we

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Speaker 2: were together, and people seemed really happy, and I was

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Speaker 2: really excited to introduce him to my friends, and they

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Speaker 2: seemed to really like him, and he just seemed like placid,

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Speaker 2: so like he would just get along with everyone. Because

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Speaker 2: obviously a lot of my friends were still friends with

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Speaker 2: my ex at the time, and our whole friendship group

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Speaker 2: we're all friends with each other. But yeah, so a

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Speaker 2: lot of I was a bit worried how that would go.

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Speaker 2: But it was fine. Everyone was fine, so, you know,

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Speaker 2: it just seemed easy and that sort of regard. So

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Speaker 2: we lived in Queensland, and we used to go like

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Speaker 2: out full driving a lot and camping and stuff. So

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Speaker 2: that was really enjoyable. And both his set of friends

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Speaker 2: and my set of friends were into that, so that

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Speaker 2: was good because we kind of all integrated. And then

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Speaker 2: more friendship sort of sprouted off that I lived out

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Speaker 2: of home and he didn't, and I'd been living on

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Speaker 2: my own for years and Hayde never moved out and

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Speaker 2: he wanted to move out, and so he moved in

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Speaker 2: with me within six months, and my roommate I thought

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Speaker 2: that was quite quick at the time, but then I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh, you know, it's obviously just the right thing,

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Speaker 2: Like it's the right relationship. That's why it's happening so quick,

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Speaker 2: and that's why it feels right. It wasn't just the

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Speaker 2: two of us, it was a house full of roommates

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Speaker 2: as well, so yeah, but that I remember saying, like, oh, well,

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Speaker 2: you know, I would never have done that normally, but

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Speaker 2: it just feels right. It was fun because it was

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Speaker 2: a big party house. You know, we're in our twenties.

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Speaker 2: We're all drinking all the time and partying and going

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Speaker 2: camping and for driving, and we lived out in the country,

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Speaker 2: so it was just this big group of friends always around.

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Speaker 2: We were like a couple, but we were in this

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Speaker 2: big friendship group and there was always people around. And

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Speaker 2: we lived with a bunch of people. So we did

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Speaker 2: all these activities and they were fun and we enjoyed it,

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Speaker 2: and we were always out somewhere or doing something, but

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Speaker 2: there was always other people around.

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Speaker 1: This was a heap of fun, but not really maintainable

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Speaker 1: long term. Well, I guess that depends on what you'd

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Speaker 1: consider long term. Alison Ted did this for five years

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Speaker 1: before they decided, right, it's time to grow up and

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Speaker 1: move out on our own.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. We started looking found a house that we liked.

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Speaker 2: It needed a lot of work. It was a fixer upper,

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Speaker 2: but we discussed it and said, yeap, we can renovate

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Speaker 2: this and make it our house. And so so we

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Speaker 2: brought that and yeah, we moved in there. I was

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Speaker 2: really excited to have my own space. We did invite

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Speaker 2: like a couple of people to come live with us,

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Speaker 2: but once we had the house on our own, we

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Speaker 2: were like, oh, no, this is nice to have your

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Speaker 2: own place. So, yeah, it was. It was exciting and

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Speaker 2: I thought we're going to get in here. You know,

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Speaker 2: you're so young, you don't realize how hard it is

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Speaker 2: to renovate a house, but you know, you think, oh,

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Speaker 2: you're going to jump in there and renovate it and

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Speaker 2: it's going to be great, and you know, just really

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Speaker 2: it was only a small little house. But I remember

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Speaker 2: sitting in there with our friends after we moved in,

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Speaker 2: like eating pizza on the floor. We had no furniture,

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Speaker 2: you know, we had a couple of things. You're thinking

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Speaker 2: about how big the house was. It's tiny, but you know,

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Speaker 2: I just remember like, oh, wow, this is our sort

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Speaker 2: of feeling. We moved in and straight away I painted

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Speaker 2: the house and we did a little rental of the

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Speaker 2: kitchen and all this sort of stuff. So I was

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Speaker 2: just really really excited, yeah, to make it our own

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Speaker 2: little house and make all our little memories there. And

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Speaker 2: I wanted to like start traditions and stuff. You know,

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Speaker 2: we brought a house together. We were pretty serious. Probably the

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Speaker 2: next step was getting engaged and having kids and all

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Speaker 2: that sort of stuff. Yeah, just I think what society

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Speaker 2: expects of you is just kind of what we were

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Speaker 2: going along with.

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Speaker 1: But things weren't all rosy. In fact, there had been

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Speaker 1: things that had happened a long time prior to them

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Speaker 1: buying their place. But not everyone's perfect.

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Speaker 2: Right, And I had had one of my previous roommates

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Speaker 2: put me aside and say, like, you know, I'm noticing

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Speaker 2: that you're not happy or you're you know, you're fighting more.

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Speaker 2: He just said like he'd noticed that I was really

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Speaker 2: upset and that he wasn't trading me right, and that

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Speaker 2: it was changing me as a person, and he was

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Speaker 2: a bit worried. And I agreed that it had changed me,

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Speaker 2: but I was very defensive of him. There was like

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Speaker 2: an incident where I had a friend give me a

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Speaker 2: heads up that he had been sharing naked photos of

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Speaker 2: me that he'd taken without my consent. Yeah, and so

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Speaker 2: when I confronted him, he just sort of like laughed

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Speaker 2: it off and was like, oh, the boys found him

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Speaker 2: on my phone and they just thought you looked really

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Speaker 2: hot and it wasn't a big deal. So my roommate,

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Speaker 2: seeing how upset I was, had pulled him aside and yeah,

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Speaker 2: just things like that and just kind of acted like

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Speaker 2: it wasn't his fault when I found out I was

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Speaker 2: really upset, like I was really angry. And that was

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Speaker 2: actually probably only six months after we started living together

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Speaker 2: at that point, but he just said, oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: I took them while you were asleep because you look

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Speaker 2: so hot and you look so beautiful. And I didn't

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Speaker 2: realize that the boys had my phone and they shared

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Speaker 2: them around, and you know, I told them off and

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Speaker 2: I don't know why you're so upset sort of thing, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I only took them because you looked so good,

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Speaker 2: and just yeah, sort of dismissed and made me feel

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Speaker 2: like I was overreacting. You know. I'd make excuses for

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Speaker 2: him a lot, like, you know, he just doesn't understand.

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Speaker 2: He's not great with emotions, but he's a really nice guy,

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Speaker 2: because you know, he'd come back and he'd have a

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Speaker 2: bunch of flowers, or he'd write me a note saying

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Speaker 2: that he was sorry. You know, you think, oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: maybe I overreacted, or you know, he was with his

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Speaker 2: mates and he didn't want to look like a woofs

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Speaker 2: in front of his mates. Yeah, so when we moved

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Speaker 2: into our house, that started to get worse. Just a

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Speaker 2: few things that had happened where he'd been really disrespectful.

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Speaker 2: He was like, well, you don't earn as much money

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Speaker 2: as me, so you need to do all the cooking

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Speaker 2: and cleaning essentially, but I was working full time, and look,

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Speaker 2: he did earn a fair bit more than me at

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Speaker 2: that point. He's probably on double what I was on.

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Speaker 2: So in my mind, I was like, well, that just

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Speaker 2: makes sense because my mum did all the cooking and cleaning.

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Speaker 2: But then like, I would cook the meal for him

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Speaker 2: and he wouldn't come home, but he wouldn't text me,

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Speaker 2: and I'd be like, hey, dinner's ready, and no response,

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Speaker 2: no respons Hours later, he'd come home and he'd had

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Speaker 2: takeaway from dinner because he'd gone to the pub with

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Speaker 2: his mates or something, and I'd obviously be upset because

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Speaker 2: I'd made him a meal. It's a disrespect thing, isn't it.

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Speaker 2: It's like you don't value me enough to just say, hey, babe,

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to come home straight away. I probably

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Speaker 2: won't need dinner. That was very common. He allowed one

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Speaker 2: of his mates be really disrespectful to me and to

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Speaker 2: some of my friends. And I can't really say aloud

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Speaker 2: because his mate was doing that. He can't control his

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Speaker 2: friend's behavior, but he could control the way that he

217
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Speaker 2: reacted to it, and he would just let it happen.

218
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Speaker 2: And that upset a lot of my friends, so they

219
00:10:51,330 --> 00:10:54,530
Speaker 2: pulled back from that part of his friendship group, and

220
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Speaker 2: it upset me to the point where I was, I

221
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Speaker 2: don't want to be around this person anymore because you're

222
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Speaker 2: allowing him to be nasty to me, and he's like,

223
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Speaker 2: just would make excuses for him. He could have just

224
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Speaker 2: stood up and said knock it off, and that's all

225
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Speaker 2: it would have took. So like that led to a

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Speaker 2: lot of fight. When things were really good, they were

227
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Speaker 2: really really good and it was great and we got

228
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Speaker 2: like a dog together and that was great and all

229
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Speaker 2: this sort of stuff. So I think that's what kept

230
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Speaker 2: me there, was those glimpses of that behavior, and then

231
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Speaker 2: you know, you go through like three month four month

232
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Speaker 2: period when everything was really really good and then it

233
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Speaker 2: would get bad, but then it would get good again.

234
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Speaker 2: So I looked at us, Oh, this guy has some issues,

235
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Speaker 2: but we'll work through it together. Nobody's perfect, and why

236
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Speaker 2: would you just quit on someone if they're got these issues.

237
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Speaker 2: To me, I was like, that's not what a relationship is.

238
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Speaker 2: You work with each other and you grow together and

239
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Speaker 2: you support that person.

240
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Speaker 1: So she did support him. She loved him and their

241
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Speaker 1: house and their life they were working to build, so

242
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Speaker 1: the next dage didn't come as a surprise.

243
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Speaker 2: I think we've been living together two years. He'd been

244
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Speaker 2: hinting at it, and then one day we walked past

245
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Speaker 2: the jewelry store and hey, went, I'll go on pick

246
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:14,810
Speaker 2: one out, so super exciting and picked out this beautiful

247
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Speaker 2: ring and he randomly proposed me one day on a

248
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Speaker 2: walk and you know, was really really happy and everyone

249
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Speaker 2: was really excited, and yeah, I was just really happy.

250
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Speaker 2: But we got engaged. And then that night he's like, well,

251
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Speaker 2: I'm off to hang out with the boys. And I

252
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Speaker 2: went and hung out with the girls and they were like,

253
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Speaker 2: why aren't you with him? And I was like, oh,

254
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Speaker 2: you know, we've got a birthday party to go to.

255
00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:45,050
Speaker 2: But yeah, I thought thinking back and my why didn't

256
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Speaker 2: he just come to the party with me? You know,

257
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Speaker 2: But that was normal. I think it become so normal

258
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Speaker 2: for him to do stuff like that that I just

259
00:12:53,410 --> 00:12:57,810
Speaker 2: thought that that was normal. It was a good wedding.

260
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Speaker 2: It was massive, hundreds of people because he's from like

261
00:13:01,970 --> 00:13:04,610
Speaker 2: a background where family is like a big thing. It

262
00:13:04,690 --> 00:13:08,210
Speaker 2: was a really great day, had lots of fun. You know,

263
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Speaker 2: I couldn't stop smiling but even on the wedding day,

264
00:13:11,490 --> 00:13:15,690
Speaker 2: like there was behavior that people noticed that They were like,

265
00:13:16,250 --> 00:13:18,890
Speaker 2: we all got pretty drunk, like, you know, towards the end,

266
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Speaker 2: and then we did our dance late, and because neither

267
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Speaker 2: of us knows how to dance, so we were like, oh,

268
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Speaker 2: we'll leave it till last minute, so no one notices

269
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Speaker 2: because they had something to drink. That was the game plan.

270
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Speaker 2: And then we get to it and he's just grabbing

271
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Speaker 2: my ass really hard, and I was like, oh whatever,

272
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,050
Speaker 2: you know, a bit cheeky, and I kept telling him,

273
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Speaker 2: you need to stop. Everyone's watching us, photographer, your video people,

274
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Speaker 2: you know, and he just kept doing it. But it

275
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Speaker 2: was like hurting with how hard he was grabbing it.

276
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Speaker 2: And my friends did notice that and they were like,

277
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Speaker 2: that was a bit shit for him to do that.

278
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Speaker 2: You got all your family and everyone there and he's

279
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Speaker 2: just grabbing your ass and acting like an idiot, you know,

280
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Speaker 2: taking it too far. But I mean, other than that,

281
00:14:01,130 --> 00:14:04,970
Speaker 2: it was great. Yeah, we had a really, really, really

282
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Speaker 2: fun time.

283
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Speaker 1: So Alis and Ted were married, and well that's usually

284
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Speaker 1: the time a couple may settled down even more become

285
00:14:13,210 --> 00:14:15,930
Speaker 1: a really solid duo. That took a bit of a

286
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Speaker 1: back seat when one of Alice's best friends needed her.

287
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Speaker 2: I had actually known Gypsy longer than him. I met

288
00:14:22,690 --> 00:14:25,970
Speaker 2: her she moved into state. We both ended up working

289
00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,930
Speaker 2: together for a little while. She didn't know anyone, and

290
00:14:28,970 --> 00:14:31,570
Speaker 2: I just felt a bit sorry for her. So I said, oh,

291
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:34,730
Speaker 2: I've got you know, let's back when I hadn't even

292
00:14:34,770 --> 00:14:38,050
Speaker 2: met him, when I was with my previous boyfriend, I said, come,

293
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Speaker 2: We've got a party on. You want to come with

294
00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:43,930
Speaker 2: your friends and your partner, And so they came and

295
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:48,690
Speaker 2: we just became really close. So she was actually in

296
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Speaker 2: our wedding party and gave a speech on the night

297
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Speaker 2: and just you know, thanked me for you know, being

298
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Speaker 2: such a good friend. And you know, she didn't know

299
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:00,450
Speaker 2: anyone when she moved here. She'd told me she'd been

300
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Speaker 2: having issues with her partner for a good couple of years,

301
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Speaker 2: two three years, and had been wanting to leave him,

302
00:15:06,330 --> 00:15:08,570
Speaker 2: and I felt like it was coming to a head,

303
00:15:09,250 --> 00:15:12,290
Speaker 2: and she seemed really unhappy. And she lived fair distance

304
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Speaker 2: from us as well, So I was worried because I

305
00:15:15,850 --> 00:15:18,330
Speaker 2: felt like she was so isolated and she didn't have anyone.

306
00:15:18,370 --> 00:15:23,330
Speaker 2: She'd really pulled back from anyone else, and so I

307
00:15:23,370 --> 00:15:25,210
Speaker 2: had said to Ted, do you mind if she moves

308
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Speaker 2: in with us? I think her and her partner are

309
00:15:26,810 --> 00:15:29,770
Speaker 2: going to break up? And he was just indifferent. He

310
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Speaker 2: was like, yeah, whatever. So she never moved in. She

311
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Speaker 2: never took us up on that. She was still with

312
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Speaker 2: her partner. I'm not the kind of person who get involved.

313
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Speaker 2: I didn't think it was my place. I just let

314
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Speaker 2: her know that she had somewhere to go. She needed

315
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Speaker 2: to go somewhere. She was unhappy at a job as well,

316
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Speaker 2: and there was a job coming up at Ted's work

317
00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:50,410
Speaker 2: that I thought she'd be really good for, so I

318
00:15:50,490 --> 00:15:53,850
Speaker 2: suggested that she apply for it. And I had said

319
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Speaker 2: to her, you can move in with us if you

320
00:15:55,930 --> 00:15:59,810
Speaker 2: leave your partner. Yeah. She applied for the job, She

321
00:15:59,850 --> 00:16:02,170
Speaker 2: got the job, and we started hanging out more and

322
00:16:02,210 --> 00:16:04,490
Speaker 2: that was really really fun. And it was a little

323
00:16:04,490 --> 00:16:06,770
Speaker 2: bit selfish for me, really because I wanted her closer

324
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Speaker 2: because we were good friends. So it was really fun.

325
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:13,050
Speaker 2: We'd hang out, heapes se her all the time, and

326
00:16:13,690 --> 00:16:15,850
Speaker 2: she was in a better job, she was making more money.

327
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:19,570
Speaker 2: That was great, and the marriage at this time we

328
00:16:19,570 --> 00:16:22,730
Speaker 2: were happy. I'd say we were happy. He wasn't really

329
00:16:22,810 --> 00:16:25,010
Speaker 2: pulling all the old stuff that he used to do.

330
00:16:25,170 --> 00:16:28,490
Speaker 2: Occasionally would, but I mean he'd still I'd clean the

331
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:30,690
Speaker 2: whole house and he'd come home and be like, we

332
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,770
Speaker 2: didn't get to this, you know, he'd find the one

333
00:16:32,810 --> 00:16:36,090
Speaker 2: thing I didn't get to and yeah, and there've been

334
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:38,570
Speaker 2: like instances where he'd got like really drunk and like

335
00:16:38,690 --> 00:16:43,450
Speaker 2: pushed me. It wasn't like every week, it wasn't even

336
00:16:43,650 --> 00:16:45,650
Speaker 2: every month, wasn't even every other month. Like it was

337
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:48,650
Speaker 2: really sporadic. So I was just like, you know, he

338
00:16:48,730 --> 00:16:50,570
Speaker 2: just got really drunk and he won't get that drunk

339
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,890
Speaker 2: again sort of thing. You know. I thought it was fine.

340
00:16:53,970 --> 00:16:57,170
Speaker 2: I thought that that was you know, a normal relationship

341
00:16:57,210 --> 00:17:00,210
Speaker 2: and you don't talk about that stuff. We had talked

342
00:17:00,250 --> 00:17:04,610
Speaker 2: about kids, and we were just whatever happened happened. And

343
00:17:04,890 --> 00:17:08,290
Speaker 2: I'd had like a few miscarriages and fertility issues that

344
00:17:08,410 --> 00:17:12,090
Speaker 2: I ended up in hospital for one of them. So yeah,

345
00:17:12,370 --> 00:17:14,810
Speaker 2: you know, we just had had that chat that if

346
00:17:14,810 --> 00:17:17,730
Speaker 2: it didn't happen, he wasn't fussed, and I wasn't fussed.

347
00:17:18,370 --> 00:17:21,170
Speaker 2: He just seemed indifferent. When I went to the hospital,

348
00:17:21,290 --> 00:17:24,050
Speaker 2: I was really upset. I actually got the priest out

349
00:17:24,050 --> 00:17:25,770
Speaker 2: at the hospital to talk to me because I was

350
00:17:25,770 --> 00:17:29,370
Speaker 2: so upset and he just seemed indifferent, and even for

351
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:32,690
Speaker 2: the follow up appointments after he wouldn't take time for

352
00:17:32,770 --> 00:17:35,010
Speaker 2: it to take me to them, so I ended up

353
00:17:35,010 --> 00:17:38,690
Speaker 2: having friends take me to those appointments and family. I

354
00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:42,010
Speaker 2: just thought at the time that it was difficult for

355
00:17:42,130 --> 00:17:45,690
Speaker 2: him and he didn't know how to express it. So

356
00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:48,370
Speaker 2: I just gave him a pass on that, and in

357
00:17:48,490 --> 00:17:51,490
Speaker 2: saying that, I just joke about it, Like I used

358
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:56,370
Speaker 2: dark humor for everything, so we would just joke about it,

359
00:17:56,370 --> 00:17:58,490
Speaker 2: you know how a couple of friends reach out and

360
00:17:58,530 --> 00:18:00,130
Speaker 2: I just said, oh, you know, it's fine, like it

361
00:18:00,290 --> 00:18:01,730
Speaker 2: is what it is, it's not meant to be, it's

362
00:18:01,770 --> 00:18:04,330
Speaker 2: not meant to be sort of thing, and just joked

363
00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:07,970
Speaker 2: about it. So that's sort of how I deal with things.

364
00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:12,330
Speaker 1: And then, because life can be incredibly cruel in this way,

365
00:18:12,650 --> 00:18:14,930
Speaker 1: she even felt her best friend Gypsy still have to

366
00:18:14,930 --> 00:18:17,050
Speaker 1: become a bit more distant too, and.

367
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:20,130
Speaker 2: I started seeing her less and she's just like, oh,

368
00:18:20,170 --> 00:18:22,690
Speaker 2: you know, I'm busy and it's a long drive. And

369
00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:24,290
Speaker 2: he would come home late and he's like, we're so

370
00:18:24,410 --> 00:18:26,090
Speaker 2: busy at work. You know, I have to do it

371
00:18:26,130 --> 00:18:28,250
Speaker 2: all this overtime, and she's saying the same thing to me, like,

372
00:18:28,290 --> 00:18:31,650
Speaker 2: it's so busy, it's so crazy. And then I started

373
00:18:31,690 --> 00:18:34,610
Speaker 2: to have friends say oh, I saw Ted with a

374
00:18:34,650 --> 00:18:37,810
Speaker 2: girl at the pub and I'm like, oh, yeah, that's Gypsy,

375
00:18:37,930 --> 00:18:39,850
Speaker 2: you know, cause oh she had this color hair. Yet,

376
00:18:39,890 --> 00:18:42,730
Speaker 2: oh that's Gypsy. They work together, you know. But I

377
00:18:42,770 --> 00:18:45,010
Speaker 2: was like, why are they going to the pub without me?

378
00:18:45,130 --> 00:18:47,570
Speaker 2: So I asked him about it. He's like, oh, it

379
00:18:47,690 --> 00:18:50,210
Speaker 2: was just one beer. By the time he got out there,

380
00:18:50,650 --> 00:18:52,970
Speaker 2: we would have been one and done fair enough, you know.

381
00:18:53,610 --> 00:18:55,730
Speaker 2: And I did ask her about it, and she would

382
00:18:55,730 --> 00:18:57,770
Speaker 2: put it on him. She'd be like, yeah, it was

383
00:18:57,810 --> 00:19:00,090
Speaker 2: weird because I asked him why did he invite you out?

384
00:19:00,090 --> 00:19:02,530
Speaker 2: And he'd said, like you were busy or you know.

385
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:04,570
Speaker 2: I did ask where you were and he said you

386
00:19:04,570 --> 00:19:07,490
Speaker 2: couldn't come, and things like that. I'm getting annoyed at

387
00:19:07,530 --> 00:19:10,410
Speaker 2: him and her for not including me, but I'm not.

388
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:14,410
Speaker 2: My brain didn't go anywhere else. She knew the troubles

389
00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:16,370
Speaker 2: with a lot of what we've been through, so she

390
00:19:16,450 --> 00:19:19,810
Speaker 2: knew the stuff that he'd done. I was like, there's

391
00:19:19,850 --> 00:19:22,010
Speaker 2: no way that she would do that to me. I

392
00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:25,450
Speaker 2: was like, he's a bit sleazy. I could see him trying,

393
00:19:25,890 --> 00:19:27,930
Speaker 2: but not with her, like they've known each other over

394
00:19:28,530 --> 00:19:31,770
Speaker 2: ten years, Like there's nothing there, you know, like she

395
00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:34,290
Speaker 2: never ever found him attractive, Like you know, she'd make

396
00:19:34,370 --> 00:19:37,650
Speaker 2: jokes and stuff to his detriment, you know, while we're

397
00:19:37,650 --> 00:19:40,610
Speaker 2: all friends, and couldn't understand why I put up with

398
00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:44,610
Speaker 2: him and things like that. So I just didn't see

399
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,650
Speaker 2: it as being a possibility.

400
00:19:47,170 --> 00:19:50,570
Speaker 1: While Ted had been better recently, Alice soon started noticing

401
00:19:50,610 --> 00:19:54,730
Speaker 1: a shift back to his indifferent ways. It sadly wasn't uncommon,

402
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:57,130
Speaker 1: but it had been a while since he's been like this,

403
00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:59,650
Speaker 1: and it all came to her head one night when

404
00:19:59,690 --> 00:20:02,170
Speaker 1: Alice came home from work really sick.

405
00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:06,450
Speaker 2: I was throwing up uncontrollably. I was in pain, and

406
00:20:06,530 --> 00:20:08,930
Speaker 2: I was in bed, and he came home and I

407
00:20:09,090 --> 00:20:12,010
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I really don't feel well, and he's like, okay,

408
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:15,530
Speaker 2: don't go near me. And I'm like, I'm really sick.

409
00:20:15,570 --> 00:20:17,050
Speaker 2: I think I need to go to the hospital and

410
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:19,650
Speaker 2: he's like, oh, okay, and so he dropped me off

411
00:20:19,650 --> 00:20:21,890
Speaker 2: and he said, oh, I can't come in with you

412
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,370
Speaker 2: because I have to go to bed early for work.

413
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:25,690
Speaker 2: So I got a lot on at work, and I

414
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:28,570
Speaker 2: was like, yep, okay. Because he'd never really come in

415
00:20:28,610 --> 00:20:32,330
Speaker 2: with me to hospital before anyway, I thought that was normal.

416
00:20:33,250 --> 00:20:37,010
Speaker 2: So I walked myself into an emergency, but I didn't

417
00:20:37,130 --> 00:20:40,690
Speaker 2: assist that burst and ended up with internal bleeding.

418
00:20:41,130 --> 00:20:44,610
Speaker 1: What Alice needed most was support from Ted and Gipsy,

419
00:20:45,050 --> 00:20:46,650
Speaker 1: but they clearly didn't get the memo.

420
00:20:47,050 --> 00:20:49,450
Speaker 2: So I got admitted for a good couple of days.

421
00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:52,250
Speaker 2: And then I found out because obviously I told her

422
00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:54,970
Speaker 2: what was going on because she's my friend and we're talking.

423
00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:57,050
Speaker 2: And I found out that he'd actually just gone home

424
00:20:57,090 --> 00:21:00,410
Speaker 2: and played PlayStation with her till like midnight. And I

425
00:21:00,450 --> 00:21:01,810
Speaker 2: was like, oh, you know, he taught me I had

426
00:21:01,850 --> 00:21:03,130
Speaker 2: to go to bed early. She's like, oh, that's so

427
00:21:03,170 --> 00:21:05,530
Speaker 2: weird because he was up late playing PlayStation with me.

428
00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:11,090
Speaker 2: Got out of hospital and he had like a work

429
00:21:11,130 --> 00:21:13,610
Speaker 2: function that he wanted to go to, and I wasn't

430
00:21:13,650 --> 00:21:15,330
Speaker 2: meant to be driving because the drugs I was on,

431
00:21:15,410 --> 00:21:17,330
Speaker 2: but he was winging because he would have to get

432
00:21:17,330 --> 00:21:19,650
Speaker 2: an uber and blah blah blah, So I not driving

433
00:21:19,690 --> 00:21:22,410
Speaker 2: him there, and she was there and she sent me

434
00:21:22,410 --> 00:21:24,010
Speaker 2: a message and said, are you going to come in

435
00:21:24,010 --> 00:21:26,410
Speaker 2: for a drink and I said, no, I really don't

436
00:21:26,450 --> 00:21:29,490
Speaker 2: feel well. That night, I woke up at like twelve

437
00:21:29,530 --> 00:21:33,090
Speaker 2: in pain, and I was like, oh, you know he'll

438
00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:35,930
Speaker 2: be home soon because it's twelve o'clock and they're in

439
00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:39,130
Speaker 2: the city, so you know he's probably gone out to

440
00:21:39,690 --> 00:21:42,490
Speaker 2: nightclubs and stuff, and you know they close around two am,

441
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:44,650
Speaker 2: so if he's not home by like three am, then

442
00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:47,690
Speaker 2: I'm worry. Gets to three and he's not answering his phone,

443
00:21:47,730 --> 00:21:51,730
Speaker 2: he's not answering his text. I messaged her around like

444
00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:55,130
Speaker 2: six or something, and I was like, what happened? Because

445
00:21:55,290 --> 00:21:58,010
Speaker 2: is he with someone? You know, you're my best friend.

446
00:21:58,050 --> 00:22:00,890
Speaker 2: You have to tell me if something's going on. And

447
00:22:00,930 --> 00:22:03,250
Speaker 2: she's like, oh, that's so weird. Like no, he went

448
00:22:03,290 --> 00:22:06,490
Speaker 2: home and I went home and I don't know what's

449
00:22:06,490 --> 00:22:09,130
Speaker 2: going on. I was like, Okay, something's happening. He's not

450
00:22:09,170 --> 00:22:12,410
Speaker 2: come home and then he get hold of me until

451
00:22:12,650 --> 00:22:14,890
Speaker 2: late in the morning and he's like, oh, I just

452
00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:17,850
Speaker 2: decided to walk home because you know, I wanted to

453
00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:19,810
Speaker 2: go for a walk. So then he comes in with

454
00:22:19,850 --> 00:22:24,650
Speaker 2: like flowers and stuff, and it's like, what's going on on? Nothing,

455
00:22:24,730 --> 00:22:26,370
Speaker 2: I just you know, I just got really drunk and

456
00:22:26,410 --> 00:22:30,050
Speaker 2: decided to go for a walks whatever. A week later,

457
00:22:30,090 --> 00:22:32,090
Speaker 2: he told me that he wasn't sure about our marriage

458
00:22:32,090 --> 00:22:37,970
Speaker 2: anymore and he didn't know what he wanted. Kind of

459
00:22:37,970 --> 00:22:40,330
Speaker 2: made it sound like he was having a midlife crisis.

460
00:22:40,450 --> 00:22:42,370
Speaker 2: So I was like, well, we can go to counseling

461
00:22:42,370 --> 00:22:43,730
Speaker 2: and we can do this, and do you want to

462
00:22:43,730 --> 00:22:46,090
Speaker 2: buy a new fool drive? Do you want to go

463
00:22:46,210 --> 00:22:47,770
Speaker 2: on a trip? Like what do you want to do?

464
00:22:47,810 --> 00:22:50,570
Speaker 2: We'll do it. And then Hey just said, oh no,

465
00:22:50,650 --> 00:22:52,570
Speaker 2: I think I want a divorce. And I was like,

466
00:22:52,610 --> 00:22:55,690
Speaker 2: I don't understand. Is it the kids thing? And he's like,

467
00:22:55,690 --> 00:22:57,650
Speaker 2: oh yeah, yeah, it's the kids thing, like you can't

468
00:22:57,650 --> 00:22:59,770
Speaker 2: have kids. And I was like, well, we haven't even

469
00:22:59,770 --> 00:23:02,050
Speaker 2: looked at options of trying, like we can try, and

470
00:23:02,050 --> 00:23:04,570
Speaker 2: he's like, nah, no, you know I love you, but

471
00:23:04,610 --> 00:23:07,850
Speaker 2: I'm not in love with you anymore. I was devastated.

472
00:23:08,170 --> 00:23:12,290
Speaker 2: I was absolutely devastated, and you know, I just thought

473
00:23:12,370 --> 00:23:15,650
Speaker 2: like I'm stuffed, Like it's a housing crisis. I was

474
00:23:15,690 --> 00:23:19,210
Speaker 2: off sick from work, I wasn't earning any money. I

475
00:23:19,250 --> 00:23:21,930
Speaker 2: just got out of hospital. The next day. I got

476
00:23:21,970 --> 00:23:24,530
Speaker 2: all these notifications that any money that he was putting

477
00:23:24,530 --> 00:23:26,570
Speaker 2: into the bills under my name had been all the

478
00:23:26,610 --> 00:23:29,610
Speaker 2: direct debits had been stopped like the next day, and

479
00:23:29,650 --> 00:23:32,010
Speaker 2: I'm like, we haven't even decided what we're doing yet,

480
00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:35,690
Speaker 2: Like you're saying you're feeling like this and that's fine,

481
00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:38,210
Speaker 2: and let's talk about it and let's try and work

482
00:23:38,210 --> 00:23:39,730
Speaker 2: it out, because I don't just want to throw this

483
00:23:39,770 --> 00:23:43,290
Speaker 2: away because you're unsure in yourself. Because he wasn't saying

484
00:23:43,330 --> 00:23:44,650
Speaker 2: like I hate you and I don't want to be

485
00:23:44,730 --> 00:23:46,890
Speaker 2: with you, and he was saying that he just felt

486
00:23:46,890 --> 00:23:49,770
Speaker 2: like something was missing and he wasn't sure what it was.

487
00:23:50,530 --> 00:23:53,530
Speaker 2: So you know, my mind instantly went to the kids thing,

488
00:23:53,610 --> 00:23:56,650
Speaker 2: because you know, our friends are staying it have families

489
00:23:56,770 --> 00:24:00,210
Speaker 2: and we're not. And I'd just been in hospital with

490
00:24:00,290 --> 00:24:05,050
Speaker 2: fertility issues, so maybe that's the issue. So that's sort

491
00:24:05,090 --> 00:24:07,290
Speaker 2: of where my brain went. I wanted us to go

492
00:24:07,330 --> 00:24:11,010
Speaker 2: to counseling, and during this time, like I'm trying to

493
00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:13,010
Speaker 2: figure it out. I'm trying to figure out what we're

494
00:24:13,010 --> 00:24:14,650
Speaker 2: going to do. Because I even said to him, like,

495
00:24:14,730 --> 00:24:16,890
Speaker 2: because he'd been talking about buying an investment property, I

496
00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:19,370
Speaker 2: was like, do you want to buy an investment property

497
00:24:19,450 --> 00:24:21,810
Speaker 2: and do like a trial separation, and then one of

498
00:24:21,890 --> 00:24:23,490
Speaker 2: us will take that and one of us will keep

499
00:24:23,530 --> 00:24:26,410
Speaker 2: this doesn't work out, I don't want to just throw

500
00:24:26,490 --> 00:24:28,690
Speaker 2: in the towel, like I love you, I love our family,

501
00:24:28,690 --> 00:24:30,930
Speaker 2: I love you. I was very close to his family,

502
00:24:31,170 --> 00:24:34,650
Speaker 2: so you know that was devastating to me. So yeah,

503
00:24:34,650 --> 00:24:36,370
Speaker 2: I was just I don't want to just throw this

504
00:24:36,570 --> 00:24:41,170
Speaker 2: away if you're just having a midlife crisis, which is

505
00:24:41,210 --> 00:24:42,970
Speaker 2: kind of what he was saying he was having because

506
00:24:42,970 --> 00:24:46,050
Speaker 2: he's saying, oh, no, I love you, I just want out,

507
00:24:46,450 --> 00:24:48,370
Speaker 2: and then it changed to her, I love you, but

508
00:24:48,410 --> 00:24:49,450
Speaker 2: I'm not in love with you.

509
00:24:53,130 --> 00:24:56,930
Speaker 1: It was confusing and heartbreaking and hurtful. So what do

510
00:24:56,930 --> 00:24:58,930
Speaker 1: we do as females during times like these?

511
00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:02,050
Speaker 2: We turn to our friends, And obviously I told her

512
00:25:02,090 --> 00:25:04,970
Speaker 2: that we'd broken up, and I wanted to hang out

513
00:25:04,970 --> 00:25:06,850
Speaker 2: with her because she was one of the people that

514
00:25:06,930 --> 00:25:09,290
Speaker 2: I really could talk to, and she had known, like

515
00:25:09,330 --> 00:25:11,370
Speaker 2: I really hadn't shared how he was treating me to

516
00:25:11,410 --> 00:25:14,290
Speaker 2: others people, but I'd shared it with her some of it,

517
00:25:14,370 --> 00:25:16,690
Speaker 2: so she knew about a lot of it, and it

518
00:25:16,730 --> 00:25:20,330
Speaker 2: actually defended me at times to him. So I wanted

519
00:25:20,410 --> 00:25:22,250
Speaker 2: to hang out there, and she's like, oh, I'm busy

520
00:25:22,330 --> 00:25:25,170
Speaker 2: and busy at work. One day, I had like a

521
00:25:25,170 --> 00:25:28,250
Speaker 2: social meetup with a bunch of really awesome girls. I

522
00:25:28,490 --> 00:25:31,970
Speaker 2: was going there, and because we're out in the country,

523
00:25:31,970 --> 00:25:35,530
Speaker 2: we have like big road trains, and to avoid them,

524
00:25:35,610 --> 00:25:38,610
Speaker 2: I went the backway which went past one of these pubs,

525
00:25:39,330 --> 00:25:42,450
Speaker 2: and I saw both their cars at this pub, and

526
00:25:42,530 --> 00:25:45,250
Speaker 2: so I just took a photo and I messaged her

527
00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:47,970
Speaker 2: and I said, hey, how are you? You know because

528
00:25:48,130 --> 00:25:50,090
Speaker 2: she told me she was going to go shopping for something.

529
00:25:50,130 --> 00:25:52,490
Speaker 2: I said, how the shopping go? Oh? I didn't go.

530
00:25:52,610 --> 00:25:53,810
Speaker 2: I just went straight home and went to bed. I

531
00:25:53,890 --> 00:25:57,570
Speaker 2: was so tired. I was okay, so said to the picture.

532
00:25:57,610 --> 00:25:59,890
Speaker 2: I said, well, I drove past the pub and you're

533
00:25:59,890 --> 00:26:03,530
Speaker 2: there with him. Oh, I only went for one. You know.

534
00:26:03,610 --> 00:26:05,330
Speaker 2: He felt sad and I didn't want to tell you

535
00:26:05,370 --> 00:26:06,850
Speaker 2: because I didn't want to upset you. And I was like, well,

536
00:26:06,890 --> 00:26:08,970
Speaker 2: I'm the one you know that he's broken up with.

537
00:26:09,730 --> 00:26:11,690
Speaker 2: I need you. You're my friend. Why he's spending so

538
00:26:11,730 --> 00:26:13,570
Speaker 2: much time with him? She's like, well, I work with him.

539
00:26:13,650 --> 00:26:16,130
Speaker 2: And I was like, that's fine. You can work with him,

540
00:26:16,170 --> 00:26:18,250
Speaker 2: you can be friends, but I need you right now.

541
00:26:19,050 --> 00:26:22,410
Speaker 2: So he organized to catch up, and during that time,

542
00:26:22,490 --> 00:26:25,250
Speaker 2: I'd also organize counseling with him, and I had started

543
00:26:25,290 --> 00:26:27,930
Speaker 2: to think that maybe something had happened, like a drunken

544
00:26:28,010 --> 00:26:31,170
Speaker 2: kiss or something, and that Hayard ended it because he

545
00:26:31,210 --> 00:26:33,010
Speaker 2: felt bad and she didn't want to tell me because

546
00:26:33,010 --> 00:26:34,810
Speaker 2: she felt bad, And I was like, if that's happened,

547
00:26:34,810 --> 00:26:36,970
Speaker 2: I want to know, because it's going to affect my

548
00:26:36,970 --> 00:26:39,770
Speaker 2: friendship with her. At that point, I felt like our

549
00:26:39,810 --> 00:26:42,730
Speaker 2: relationship could recover from that. But I also I just

550
00:26:42,770 --> 00:26:44,610
Speaker 2: wanted to go to counseling because I felt like maybe

551
00:26:44,610 --> 00:26:47,090
Speaker 2: that would be like a safe space for him to

552
00:26:47,130 --> 00:26:49,170
Speaker 2: admit that, because it was just important to me that

553
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:51,970
Speaker 2: I knew the truth of why my marriage had just

554
00:26:52,010 --> 00:26:54,890
Speaker 2: suddenly ended. So he went to counseling and her was

555
00:26:55,010 --> 00:26:57,770
Speaker 2: just nasty and and different. I could see it, like

556
00:26:57,810 --> 00:27:00,050
Speaker 2: on the counselor's face. He was like, he just said, like,

557
00:27:00,090 --> 00:27:03,170
Speaker 2: this is not a relationship that's going to recover. I

558
00:27:03,210 --> 00:27:06,890
Speaker 2: actually message a few divorced friends who had managed to

559
00:27:06,930 --> 00:27:09,130
Speaker 2: keep the same friendship group, said how did you do it?

560
00:27:09,770 --> 00:27:11,970
Speaker 2: You know, I suspect something might be gone going on.

561
00:27:12,290 --> 00:27:14,090
Speaker 2: I know, actually caught up with one of them for

562
00:27:14,130 --> 00:27:16,810
Speaker 2: coffee just chatted about it because that to me, it

563
00:27:16,850 --> 00:27:19,290
Speaker 2: was really important because we had a really close knit

564
00:27:19,330 --> 00:27:21,090
Speaker 2: friendship group and I was really worried how it was

565
00:27:21,130 --> 00:27:25,010
Speaker 2: going to affect them because no one knew yet. Yeah,

566
00:27:25,050 --> 00:27:28,170
Speaker 2: I was just trying to figure out. We had some dogs,

567
00:27:28,170 --> 00:27:29,570
Speaker 2: so I was like trying to figure out how we

568
00:27:29,610 --> 00:27:33,050
Speaker 2: want to share custody of the dogs. Like in my brain,

569
00:27:33,130 --> 00:27:35,450
Speaker 2: we were going to like do weekend drop offs and stuff,

570
00:27:35,490 --> 00:27:38,090
Speaker 2: and that's where I was going, like how do we

571
00:27:38,130 --> 00:27:40,450
Speaker 2: make this work? But also I was in panic mode

572
00:27:40,450 --> 00:27:43,850
Speaker 2: because I just spent over ten years with this guy,

573
00:27:44,010 --> 00:27:46,370
Speaker 2: with him telling me that I was never going to

574
00:27:46,570 --> 00:27:48,930
Speaker 2: be any good financially, that I had a dead end job,

575
00:27:49,010 --> 00:27:50,850
Speaker 2: that I was never you know, he'd say those things

576
00:27:50,890 --> 00:27:53,330
Speaker 2: were like you should have got a better education when

577
00:27:53,330 --> 00:27:55,930
Speaker 2: you left school, and you should have done this, and

578
00:27:55,930 --> 00:27:58,490
Speaker 2: you know, you don't earn enough for money, and just

579
00:27:58,530 --> 00:28:01,610
Speaker 2: things like that. I mean, when we did look at

580
00:28:01,610 --> 00:28:03,530
Speaker 2: having kids, he told me I had to give all

581
00:28:03,530 --> 00:28:05,490
Speaker 2: the money to him and he would give me an

582
00:28:05,490 --> 00:28:08,690
Speaker 2: allowance because I spent too much money, and that I

583
00:28:08,690 --> 00:28:11,050
Speaker 2: would just use a kid to stay at home and

584
00:28:11,090 --> 00:28:14,050
Speaker 2: not work, which is really really like one having a

585
00:28:14,130 --> 00:28:17,570
Speaker 2: kid I feel like is work. And two, I grew

586
00:28:17,650 --> 00:28:19,170
Speaker 2: up with a single mom for most of my life,

587
00:28:19,250 --> 00:28:22,490
Speaker 2: so that just didn't compute with me. It's like, you

588
00:28:22,530 --> 00:28:24,410
Speaker 2: go to work even if you have kids, like you

589
00:28:24,490 --> 00:28:27,370
Speaker 2: just do it. Even when I got back from the hospital,

590
00:28:27,410 --> 00:28:30,730
Speaker 2: he was like, oh, I know this really affected you,

591
00:28:31,210 --> 00:28:33,650
Speaker 2: but you wouldn't have been a great mum. I was

592
00:28:33,690 --> 00:28:35,690
Speaker 2: just in this mode of like, how am I going

593
00:28:35,770 --> 00:28:38,850
Speaker 2: to survive on my own? And at the same time

594
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:41,170
Speaker 2: talking to Gypsy and she's like, well, maybe we can

595
00:28:41,170 --> 00:28:43,290
Speaker 2: get a rental together, you know, and I was like, yeah,

596
00:28:43,330 --> 00:28:44,730
Speaker 2: we could do that. That'd be great. You know. I

597
00:28:44,770 --> 00:28:45,970
Speaker 2: was trying to make the best of it. So I

598
00:28:46,050 --> 00:28:48,410
Speaker 2: was like, we'll be two single girls out in the town, like,

599
00:28:48,450 --> 00:28:50,650
Speaker 2: we'll have a great time. So we went to this

600
00:28:50,730 --> 00:28:53,130
Speaker 2: counseling thing and I'd organized to catch up with her

601
00:28:53,170 --> 00:28:55,930
Speaker 2: that day and so we went to a pub and

602
00:28:56,010 --> 00:28:58,010
Speaker 2: you know, she's like, how did it go? And I said, oh,

603
00:28:58,050 --> 00:29:02,130
Speaker 2: it's over, Like it's definitely over. And during that counseling session,

604
00:29:02,290 --> 00:29:05,210
Speaker 2: i'd actually said, are you having an affair with Gypsy?

605
00:29:05,850 --> 00:29:08,650
Speaker 2: And he'd said, I've had an emotional affair with her,

606
00:29:08,690 --> 00:29:11,290
Speaker 2: but she doesn't know about it, and I was like, okay,

607
00:29:11,770 --> 00:29:13,930
Speaker 2: you know, he's obviously into her, and she's got no idea.

608
00:29:14,050 --> 00:29:17,130
Speaker 2: So I told her, look, he said he's having an

609
00:29:17,130 --> 00:29:20,250
Speaker 2: emotional affair with you. And I said to her face, like,

610
00:29:20,650 --> 00:29:23,810
Speaker 2: if you're together, or you want to be together, we're

611
00:29:23,810 --> 00:29:25,730
Speaker 2: not going to be friends. Like it's just not going

612
00:29:25,770 --> 00:29:27,370
Speaker 2: to I'm not going to be able to get over that,

613
00:29:28,330 --> 00:29:30,850
Speaker 2: So you need to tell me now. But whatever you

614
00:29:30,890 --> 00:29:33,570
Speaker 2: tell me now, I will believe you and we'll move on.

615
00:29:34,170 --> 00:29:37,050
Speaker 2: And she's like, no, I had no idea. And you know,

616
00:29:37,090 --> 00:29:38,770
Speaker 2: I thought he was like, you know, a bit flirty

617
00:29:38,810 --> 00:29:41,290
Speaker 2: with me, but I have been flirting back, and I'm

618
00:29:41,330 --> 00:29:42,770
Speaker 2: so mad at him, and I'm going to have a

619
00:29:42,770 --> 00:29:44,050
Speaker 2: goal at him. And I was like, you don't have

620
00:29:44,090 --> 00:29:46,530
Speaker 2: to have a go at him. Just don't encourage him.

621
00:29:46,530 --> 00:29:47,930
Speaker 2: I said, if you're hanging out with him one on

622
00:29:47,930 --> 00:29:51,050
Speaker 2: one and he's got the wrong idea, then you're encouraging him.

623
00:29:51,130 --> 00:29:53,210
Speaker 2: So you just need to have that conversation with him.

624
00:29:53,490 --> 00:29:55,090
Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, yeah, I will, And I was like,

625
00:29:55,130 --> 00:29:57,650
Speaker 2: that's fine, I believe you. Like let's move on, Let's

626
00:29:57,650 --> 00:29:59,570
Speaker 2: have a great night, because this, you know, this is

627
00:29:59,690 --> 00:30:02,930
Speaker 2: a really important friendship to me. Anyway, we went out,

628
00:30:02,970 --> 00:30:05,290
Speaker 2: he had a great night, and I said, come back

629
00:30:05,290 --> 00:30:09,050
Speaker 2: to mine for some drinks and she's like, oh, I said,

630
00:30:09,090 --> 00:30:10,530
Speaker 2: he's not going to be there because he had just

631
00:30:10,570 --> 00:30:12,970
Speaker 2: been since he' that he wanted out. He was just

632
00:30:13,130 --> 00:30:15,370
Speaker 2: going out for days at a time and not coming back.

633
00:30:16,290 --> 00:30:19,210
Speaker 2: And I was just like, okay, I guess it's awkward.

634
00:30:20,210 --> 00:30:24,250
Speaker 2: So she came over and we were drinking, and normally

635
00:30:24,290 --> 00:30:26,730
Speaker 2: she would stay at the night if you know, we

636
00:30:26,730 --> 00:30:29,850
Speaker 2: were on the piss and she's like, oh, I'm going

637
00:30:29,930 --> 00:30:32,250
Speaker 2: to go now, and I was like, no, you too drunk,

638
00:30:32,370 --> 00:30:35,290
Speaker 2: Like we were both drunk, and she's like no, no, no,

639
00:30:35,290 --> 00:30:37,650
Speaker 2: I haven't had that much. It's you that's been drinking.

640
00:30:38,010 --> 00:30:39,490
Speaker 2: I've been keeping an eye on things because I have

641
00:30:39,530 --> 00:30:40,970
Speaker 2: to drive. I was like, are you sure you're right.

642
00:30:41,330 --> 00:30:43,130
Speaker 2: She's like yeah. I was like okay, well text me

643
00:30:43,170 --> 00:30:46,650
Speaker 2: when you get home. She left, and I remember feeling

644
00:30:46,690 --> 00:30:49,650
Speaker 2: really really lonely at that point because I was like, oh,

645
00:30:49,850 --> 00:30:53,650
Speaker 2: I'm getting divorced. It's just yeah. I just felt really sad,

646
00:30:54,570 --> 00:30:56,730
Speaker 2: but I went to bed. I had like plans to

647
00:30:56,770 --> 00:31:00,770
Speaker 2: catch up with friends the next day and they didn't

648
00:31:00,810 --> 00:31:02,650
Speaker 2: know yet, so I actually told them that day and

649
00:31:02,650 --> 00:31:05,130
Speaker 2: they were really shocked. But it is what it is,

650
00:31:05,170 --> 00:31:07,410
Speaker 2: and we're going to try and make the best of it,

651
00:31:07,490 --> 00:31:11,770
Speaker 2: and I don't want you to pick side. During the day,

652
00:31:11,650 --> 00:31:15,730
Speaker 2: I see in news report and it's the description of

653
00:31:15,850 --> 00:31:19,770
Speaker 2: Gypsy's car, a female her age that has hit and

654
00:31:19,890 --> 00:31:24,730
Speaker 2: killed a cyclist. So I messaged her. I'm like, are

655
00:31:24,770 --> 00:31:27,050
Speaker 2: you okay to get home? All right? Because she never messaged,

656
00:31:27,130 --> 00:31:30,530
Speaker 2: don't get a response, messaged her again, I'm like, hey, like,

657
00:31:30,610 --> 00:31:32,690
Speaker 2: I'm just like a bit freaked out. I've seen this

658
00:31:32,730 --> 00:31:35,730
Speaker 2: news report. She had a distinctive car, so it went

659
00:31:35,770 --> 00:31:38,610
Speaker 2: many a round and you know, you okay, She's like

660
00:31:38,650 --> 00:31:41,290
Speaker 2: came back. So then I was like, showed my friends

661
00:31:41,370 --> 00:31:43,290
Speaker 2: the news report and they're like, that's her car, and

662
00:31:43,330 --> 00:31:47,010
Speaker 2: I'm like, it is her car, isn't it. So I

663
00:31:47,090 --> 00:31:49,930
Speaker 2: ended up messaging her mum because I was quite close

664
00:31:49,970 --> 00:31:52,410
Speaker 2: to her family, and her mom said, yep, she's been

665
00:31:52,450 --> 00:31:55,610
Speaker 2: on an accident. She's okay, I'll let her know. And

666
00:31:55,650 --> 00:31:58,370
Speaker 2: then she's messaged me from a different number because the

667
00:31:58,370 --> 00:32:00,890
Speaker 2: police had taken her phone and said, you know, I

668
00:32:00,930 --> 00:32:02,290
Speaker 2: was in this awfulax. So I don't want to talk

669
00:32:02,330 --> 00:32:05,450
Speaker 2: about it, and I was just like, my brain's like,

670
00:32:05,490 --> 00:32:08,250
Speaker 2: she's going to jail. I went back through the photos

671
00:32:08,290 --> 00:32:10,330
Speaker 2: from the night and I was like, we were drunk, Like

672
00:32:10,490 --> 00:32:14,170
Speaker 2: she should have stayed. I just feel so bad for her.

673
00:32:14,170 --> 00:32:16,010
Speaker 2: I'm telling her like, you know, you're a good person.

674
00:32:16,050 --> 00:32:17,650
Speaker 2: I'll be here for you. But in the back of

675
00:32:17,690 --> 00:32:19,210
Speaker 2: my brain, I'm like, I'm gonna be visiting her in

676
00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:22,090
Speaker 2: a cell in like a year's time. Her life's over.

677
00:32:22,890 --> 00:32:26,210
Speaker 2: She's killed someone. It's a rural community, it's tight knit,

678
00:32:27,130 --> 00:32:31,490
Speaker 2: people are fighting out, they're recognizing her car. She didn't

679
00:32:31,490 --> 00:32:33,970
Speaker 2: know what had been on the news, so I mentioned

680
00:32:33,970 --> 00:32:37,770
Speaker 2: that to her and yeah, it was bad. So then

681
00:32:38,050 --> 00:32:39,890
Speaker 2: I was like, I need to root my ex because

682
00:32:40,290 --> 00:32:42,650
Speaker 2: he's obviously into her, but also he's her friend and

683
00:32:42,690 --> 00:32:45,090
Speaker 2: he needs to know. Haven't seen him for days and

684
00:32:45,170 --> 00:32:47,810
Speaker 2: ring him and he it'swer the phone and I'm like,

685
00:32:48,130 --> 00:32:50,490
Speaker 2: where are you because it was weird and echo He's like, Oh,

686
00:32:50,530 --> 00:32:52,970
Speaker 2: I'm at a hotel. Like why are you at a hotel?

687
00:32:53,010 --> 00:32:55,330
Speaker 2: He's like, Oh, I had a work function and I

688
00:32:55,370 --> 00:32:58,170
Speaker 2: just decided to stay at a hotel easier. I talked

689
00:32:58,170 --> 00:32:59,690
Speaker 2: to him about it and he's like, oh, you know,

690
00:32:59,730 --> 00:33:01,610
Speaker 2: we just need a support her as best as we can.

691
00:33:01,690 --> 00:33:04,130
Speaker 2: And I was like, yep, yep, and I'm asking her,

692
00:33:04,210 --> 00:33:06,770
Speaker 2: like texting her at the same time. And then later

693
00:33:06,810 --> 00:33:08,730
Speaker 2: on find out that they were at that hotel together.

694
00:33:09,570 --> 00:33:12,410
Speaker 2: He he's an idiot and didn't realize that his uber

695
00:33:12,450 --> 00:33:14,530
Speaker 2: account was connected to my email, so I got the

696
00:33:14,610 --> 00:33:19,370
Speaker 2: receipt of their meal in my inbox. So I just thought,

697
00:33:19,410 --> 00:33:21,410
Speaker 2: you know what, I'm just going to message her, said, Hi,

698
00:33:21,610 --> 00:33:24,410
Speaker 2: is ted with you? She's like, oh yeah, he just

699
00:33:24,570 --> 00:33:26,730
Speaker 2: came to check on me and we just ended up,

700
00:33:26,770 --> 00:33:30,210
Speaker 2: you know, going out. Three days after she killed this cyclist,

701
00:33:30,890 --> 00:33:34,530
Speaker 2: she was at a pub and I was like, in disbelief.

702
00:33:35,010 --> 00:33:38,690
Speaker 2: I've had enough. So I messaged her ex partner and

703
00:33:38,730 --> 00:33:41,170
Speaker 2: I said, are they having an affair? And he's like yes,

704
00:33:41,730 --> 00:33:45,050
Speaker 2: I can't believe they would do this to us.

705
00:33:49,690 --> 00:33:52,890
Speaker 1: She was in shock. While all the signs had been there,

706
00:33:53,250 --> 00:33:56,170
Speaker 1: she was certain it couldn't be true. Her best friend

707
00:33:56,210 --> 00:33:59,170
Speaker 1: one of her bride's maids at their wedding. She tried

708
00:33:59,210 --> 00:34:01,770
Speaker 1: to call Gypsy for an explanation, but of course she

709
00:34:01,810 --> 00:34:04,770
Speaker 1: didn't answer, so she sent her a text saying, I

710
00:34:04,890 --> 00:34:06,210
Speaker 1: know what's been going on.

711
00:34:06,530 --> 00:34:09,690
Speaker 2: And she's like Yeah, okay, I understand and blocked me

712
00:34:09,730 --> 00:34:14,450
Speaker 2: on every social media platform. Yeah, just like that. I

713
00:34:14,490 --> 00:34:17,090
Speaker 2: can't deal with this right now, I really can't, but

714
00:34:17,170 --> 00:34:21,570
Speaker 2: I understand your decision, was what she wrote, and yeah,

715
00:34:21,650 --> 00:34:24,970
Speaker 2: blocked me on everything. I mean, he'd have been staring

716
00:34:25,010 --> 00:34:26,850
Speaker 2: me in the face, and my friends had been very

717
00:34:27,050 --> 00:34:30,610
Speaker 2: gently trying to tell me. Again, the small rural town,

718
00:34:30,730 --> 00:34:33,250
Speaker 2: everybody knows everyone, and everybody knows everyone's business. But I

719
00:34:33,290 --> 00:34:35,730
Speaker 2: just didn't want to see it because those are two

720
00:34:35,730 --> 00:34:38,370
Speaker 2: of the people that I cared about the most, and

721
00:34:38,410 --> 00:34:43,050
Speaker 2: they've just done this horrific thing. So then I messaged

722
00:34:43,130 --> 00:34:45,810
Speaker 2: him and I said, I know she's told me, her

723
00:34:45,850 --> 00:34:48,210
Speaker 2: ex has told me. We need to talk about this.

724
00:34:48,970 --> 00:34:50,690
Speaker 2: He didn't come home for a couple of days, and

725
00:34:50,770 --> 00:34:52,850
Speaker 2: I obviously knew at that point that he was with her,

726
00:34:53,170 --> 00:34:56,930
Speaker 2: because I had started talking to her ex partner and

727
00:34:56,970 --> 00:34:59,850
Speaker 2: he's like, she's not here, and I was like cool. So,

728
00:35:00,210 --> 00:35:02,610
Speaker 2: you know, he came home and I was just like,

729
00:35:02,970 --> 00:35:05,410
Speaker 2: she was my best friend. How could you do this.

730
00:35:06,290 --> 00:35:08,210
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, we didn't want to tell you because

731
00:35:08,210 --> 00:35:09,610
Speaker 2: we didn't want to hurt you, And I'm like, no,

732
00:35:09,650 --> 00:35:11,090
Speaker 2: you didn't want to tell me because you knew you

733
00:35:11,130 --> 00:35:13,690
Speaker 2: were doing the wrong thing. Why couldn't you have at

734
00:35:13,730 --> 00:35:17,170
Speaker 2: least been honest. And I just said to him, she's

735
00:35:17,170 --> 00:35:18,970
Speaker 2: going to end up ruining your life, like, this girl's

736
00:35:19,010 --> 00:35:21,810
Speaker 2: going to jail. At that point, the police had been

737
00:35:21,810 --> 00:35:23,970
Speaker 2: in contact with me because they knew I was the

738
00:35:24,050 --> 00:35:28,130
Speaker 2: last person with her, and I just said, here's all

739
00:35:28,170 --> 00:35:32,370
Speaker 2: the texts that she sent me afterwards. Someone's died. She

740
00:35:32,530 --> 00:35:35,330
Speaker 2: was drunk. I was drunk. I asked her to stay.

741
00:35:35,450 --> 00:35:40,170
Speaker 2: Here's the text proving that. Here's the photos that we'd

742
00:35:40,210 --> 00:35:44,050
Speaker 2: taken that night. And you know, I had actually said

743
00:35:44,050 --> 00:35:47,130
Speaker 2: to the cop, I think she's having an affair with

744
00:35:47,170 --> 00:35:49,410
Speaker 2: my husband, and he said, yeah, I did see that.

745
00:35:49,450 --> 00:35:52,690
Speaker 2: I'm really sorry about that. So the cops had confirmed

746
00:35:52,690 --> 00:35:56,850
Speaker 2: it as well. So I told him, like, I've talked

747
00:35:56,850 --> 00:35:58,850
Speaker 2: to the police. You know, this girl's going to jail.

748
00:35:58,850 --> 00:36:01,730
Speaker 2: Don't ruin your life over her. And I still cared

749
00:36:01,770 --> 00:36:04,730
Speaker 2: about him. I didn't. He said, oh, you know, don't

750
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:07,770
Speaker 2: tell anyone about this, and I said, I'm not going

751
00:36:07,850 --> 00:36:10,050
Speaker 2: to lie. You need to be a big boy, you know,

752
00:36:10,370 --> 00:36:13,330
Speaker 2: and face what you've done. And a couple of friends,

753
00:36:13,370 --> 00:36:15,210
Speaker 2: I think at that point, had already started to click

754
00:36:15,290 --> 00:36:18,490
Speaker 2: on to it. Anyway, it wasn't a good relationship, but

755
00:36:18,530 --> 00:36:20,490
Speaker 2: it came out of the blue, and so everyone was

756
00:36:20,610 --> 00:36:24,490
Speaker 2: very shocked and was like, something's happened, something's happened for

757
00:36:24,530 --> 00:36:27,570
Speaker 2: this to occur. And the way that he was just

758
00:36:27,650 --> 00:36:30,810
Speaker 2: acting fine about it, Like one of my friends tried

759
00:36:30,810 --> 00:36:32,570
Speaker 2: to talk to him about it and he told her, oh,

760
00:36:32,690 --> 00:36:34,490
Speaker 2: you know, I love I love her, but I am

761
00:36:34,530 --> 00:36:37,010
Speaker 2: million in love with her. But he was just indifferent.

762
00:36:37,010 --> 00:36:40,330
Speaker 2: And they're like, this guy seems fine. How is he

763
00:36:40,410 --> 00:36:43,250
Speaker 2: so fine? And one of my good guy mates who

764
00:36:43,290 --> 00:36:44,890
Speaker 2: was also used to be his mate, was late, is

765
00:36:44,930 --> 00:36:48,290
Speaker 2: because he's moved on at he's got another girl. That's

766
00:36:48,330 --> 00:36:50,090
Speaker 2: why it's fine, and he's already ended it in his

767
00:36:50,130 --> 00:36:53,570
Speaker 2: head and moved on. He actually asked him about it,

768
00:36:53,610 --> 00:36:55,250
Speaker 2: and he was like, oh, I didn't sleep with her

769
00:36:55,330 --> 00:36:57,330
Speaker 2: till after I ended the relationship, you know, And if

770
00:36:57,330 --> 00:37:00,170
Speaker 2: that's your answer, you know, if that's the best answer

771
00:37:00,170 --> 00:37:03,890
Speaker 2: you can give, Like, that's not a good answer regardless.

772
00:37:04,570 --> 00:37:06,650
Speaker 2: At this point, we're thinking, you know, she might be

773
00:37:06,770 --> 00:37:11,250
Speaker 2: charged with murdering someone or killing someone or manslaughter or something,

774
00:37:12,010 --> 00:37:14,530
Speaker 2: and hey, he's worried. You know that people are going

775
00:37:14,610 --> 00:37:18,730
Speaker 2: to judge him for having an affair. Also during that time,

776
00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:22,530
Speaker 2: her car was obviously written off. Suddenly a new car

777
00:37:22,610 --> 00:37:25,650
Speaker 2: turns up in our driveway. Obviously, when I found out,

778
00:37:25,690 --> 00:37:27,530
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want her coming around the house.

779
00:37:28,290 --> 00:37:30,650
Speaker 2: Let's get this sorted as quick as possible. I don't

780
00:37:30,650 --> 00:37:31,890
Speaker 2: want to be in here with you. You don't want

781
00:37:31,890 --> 00:37:33,530
Speaker 2: to be in here with me. Let's just get it sorted.

782
00:37:33,970 --> 00:37:35,770
Speaker 2: But I did say to him, I'm not I'm not

783
00:37:35,770 --> 00:37:39,650
Speaker 2: going to lie for you, and he didn't take that well. So,

784
00:37:40,810 --> 00:37:43,690
Speaker 2: you know, he just started being nasty and I was

785
00:37:43,690 --> 00:37:45,690
Speaker 2: trying to avoid him and he was trying to avoid me.

786
00:37:45,730 --> 00:37:48,450
Speaker 2: And we were in separate rooms by that point. We

787
00:37:48,490 --> 00:37:50,490
Speaker 2: had like a doorbell camera, and I'd seen he was

788
00:37:50,530 --> 00:37:53,570
Speaker 2: downloading conversations because I was talking to my sister a

789
00:37:53,570 --> 00:37:55,930
Speaker 2: lot on the phone and I'd been talking to her

790
00:37:55,970 --> 00:37:58,890
Speaker 2: as i'd come in the house, and he downloaded. It

791
00:37:59,290 --> 00:38:01,890
Speaker 2: gave me an alert, and I was like, look, that

792
00:38:02,010 --> 00:38:04,930
Speaker 2: conversation wasn't it wasn't private, Like I was nothing I

793
00:38:04,930 --> 00:38:06,810
Speaker 2: hadn't chatted to him about already. But I was like,

794
00:38:06,970 --> 00:38:10,970
Speaker 2: that's weird. I'd said, look, I'm spoken to a lawyer

795
00:38:10,970 --> 00:38:12,770
Speaker 2: and this is what I think, And he didn't want

796
00:38:12,810 --> 00:38:15,090
Speaker 2: me to go see a lawyer. Later found out he

797
00:38:15,090 --> 00:38:18,570
Speaker 2: already had a lawyer, but he was sending messages trying

798
00:38:18,610 --> 00:38:20,690
Speaker 2: to convince me not to go to a lawyer. And

799
00:38:20,690 --> 00:38:22,690
Speaker 2: then he sent me these messages saying like, oh, you know,

800
00:38:22,890 --> 00:38:24,890
Speaker 2: I remember you used to be abusive to me. I

801
00:38:24,890 --> 00:38:26,970
Speaker 2: was like, what do you want about? I was like,

802
00:38:27,370 --> 00:38:29,210
Speaker 2: you know what, I don't even want to be with

803
00:38:29,250 --> 00:38:31,930
Speaker 2: you anymore, Like you were accusing me of things that

804
00:38:32,050 --> 00:38:34,810
Speaker 2: basically you were doing to me. And he didn't know,

805
00:38:34,890 --> 00:38:38,010
Speaker 2: but I had photos and stuff from years were things

806
00:38:38,010 --> 00:38:41,770
Speaker 2: that had happened squirreled away. So I was like, what

807
00:38:41,890 --> 00:38:44,850
Speaker 2: do you want to just ignored it? Just weird things

808
00:38:44,970 --> 00:38:48,930
Speaker 2: and just looking back. He was trying to set me

809
00:38:49,050 --> 00:38:52,850
Speaker 2: up to say something, but I wasn't biting, and he's

810
00:38:52,930 --> 00:38:54,770
Speaker 2: muttering things under his breath like oh, she's a better

811
00:38:54,810 --> 00:38:57,050
Speaker 2: route than you, and stuff, just trying to get me

812
00:38:57,090 --> 00:38:59,490
Speaker 2: to get angry. So again, you know, i'd gone outside

813
00:38:59,490 --> 00:39:02,490
Speaker 2: at that point. He came outside started cooking his dinner

814
00:39:02,530 --> 00:39:05,730
Speaker 2: out in the barbecue, so I went back inside. Then

815
00:39:05,770 --> 00:39:08,850
Speaker 2: he comes back inside and he's just pecking away, just

816
00:39:08,890 --> 00:39:11,410
Speaker 2: trying to get me to react, and he's like, you're

817
00:39:11,410 --> 00:39:13,770
Speaker 2: still walking and I was like, I'm not stalking. He's like,

818
00:39:13,810 --> 00:39:16,770
Speaker 2: you've got a stalking group talking about the girls social

819
00:39:16,930 --> 00:39:19,850
Speaker 2: club group. And I was like, if my friends are

820
00:39:19,850 --> 00:39:23,370
Speaker 2: at a pub and they see you out, that's not stalking.

821
00:39:23,570 --> 00:39:27,130
Speaker 2: It's a small town. People are going to talk, you know.

822
00:39:27,170 --> 00:39:29,530
Speaker 2: If you're an idiot to go to all the pub

823
00:39:29,850 --> 00:39:32,530
Speaker 2: then people are going to see you. But what he

824
00:39:32,610 --> 00:39:34,210
Speaker 2: was trying to do was trying to get me to

825
00:39:34,290 --> 00:39:37,290
Speaker 2: buy it and say that yes, I am stalking and stuff.

826
00:39:37,450 --> 00:39:40,250
Speaker 2: He was trying to get a reaction. I even send

827
00:39:40,290 --> 00:39:42,130
Speaker 2: out like a message to a bunch of people like

828
00:39:42,410 --> 00:39:44,330
Speaker 2: I don't want you to hate him, like he's done

829
00:39:44,370 --> 00:39:45,810
Speaker 2: what he's done and he's going to have to deal

830
00:39:45,810 --> 00:39:48,810
Speaker 2: with those consequences. But I don't want you to just

831
00:39:48,930 --> 00:39:51,970
Speaker 2: hate him because I was I don't know why. I

832
00:39:52,050 --> 00:39:54,170
Speaker 2: just felt bad, Like you know, I didn't want to

833
00:39:54,970 --> 00:39:59,570
Speaker 2: have a whole friendship group torn apart. Anyway. One morning,

834
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:03,530
Speaker 2: there's a card in the door from the police asking

835
00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:05,770
Speaker 2: me to go down to talk to them, and I

836
00:40:05,850 --> 00:40:09,370
Speaker 2: just figured they wanted a formal statement in relation to

837
00:40:09,690 --> 00:40:12,890
Speaker 2: it was only a couple of weeks after what had happened,

838
00:40:13,530 --> 00:40:17,330
Speaker 2: I went to the police station and they throw two

839
00:40:17,370 --> 00:40:20,930
Speaker 2: restraining orders at me. He and her had gone and

840
00:40:20,970 --> 00:40:26,170
Speaker 2: got restraining orders against me. I didn't understand how restraining

841
00:40:26,250 --> 00:40:28,010
Speaker 2: orders work, so I'm like, how has this happened? Like

842
00:40:28,050 --> 00:40:31,090
Speaker 2: I haven't done anything. I was really upset, like I

843
00:40:31,130 --> 00:40:33,850
Speaker 2: was crying hysterically because I was like, my dogs are there,

844
00:40:33,890 --> 00:40:36,570
Speaker 2: like they're my babies, My horses are there, like all

845
00:40:36,610 --> 00:40:40,010
Speaker 2: my animals are there and I can't. He's saying, like

846
00:40:40,650 --> 00:40:42,770
Speaker 2: you can't go there. They are all not even with

847
00:40:42,810 --> 00:40:46,970
Speaker 2: the police escort. I had my medication from the hospital there,

848
00:40:47,650 --> 00:40:51,410
Speaker 2: but I wasn't supposed to stop, so I just was homeless.

849
00:40:51,970 --> 00:40:57,410
Speaker 2: I had my clothes and my wallet and yeah, just

850
00:40:58,090 --> 00:41:01,450
Speaker 2: instantly like I was like what, like how is this

851
00:41:01,650 --> 00:41:02,650
Speaker 2: even leakal.

852
00:41:02,650 --> 00:41:05,130
Speaker 1: But it was taned and Gypsy had gone to the

853
00:41:05,130 --> 00:41:08,090
Speaker 1: police saying they didn't trust Alice in the house or

854
00:41:08,170 --> 00:41:11,170
Speaker 1: anywhere near them, so the police granted them an order.

855
00:41:11,730 --> 00:41:13,610
Speaker 1: Would have to be up to her to try to

856
00:41:13,650 --> 00:41:14,890
Speaker 1: fight to get it removed.

857
00:41:15,130 --> 00:41:18,250
Speaker 2: My lawyers like, we need to get her stuff. I

858
00:41:18,330 --> 00:41:20,370
Speaker 2: don't understand why that's not in there, that she could

859
00:41:20,370 --> 00:41:22,770
Speaker 2: get her stuff, but he literally put a clause in

860
00:41:22,810 --> 00:41:26,530
Speaker 2: there that everything was to be left up to property settlement.

861
00:41:27,330 --> 00:41:30,290
Speaker 2: He had a complete power over all of that assets.

862
00:41:30,290 --> 00:41:33,570
Speaker 2: And even like right after you know, he'd asked the separation,

863
00:41:33,690 --> 00:41:35,570
Speaker 2: he'd locked a bunch of money up in a safe,

864
00:41:35,570 --> 00:41:37,650
Speaker 2: he'd locked the shed doors. I couldn't get into the

865
00:41:37,650 --> 00:41:40,170
Speaker 2: shed where all his tools were for his trade and stuff.

866
00:41:40,370 --> 00:41:42,810
Speaker 2: So he'd already like it was all these steps ahead,

867
00:41:42,810 --> 00:41:45,170
Speaker 2: and I just thought like, oh, that's weird. You know,

868
00:41:45,530 --> 00:41:47,850
Speaker 2: I wasn't there yet because I was still coming to

869
00:41:47,930 --> 00:41:51,410
Speaker 2: terms the fact that we were breaking up. I couldn't go, hey,

870
00:41:51,650 --> 00:41:53,170
Speaker 2: I can't go there. Can you go there? That would

871
00:41:53,170 --> 00:41:55,170
Speaker 2: be a breach of the order. I couldn't get anyone

872
00:41:55,210 --> 00:41:57,410
Speaker 2: to do anything on my behalf. I had to get

873
00:41:57,490 --> 00:42:00,370
Speaker 2: lawyers involved. So I had to pay for lawyers to

874
00:42:00,530 --> 00:42:02,690
Speaker 2: get involved, because the only other way I would have

875
00:42:02,690 --> 00:42:04,250
Speaker 2: been able to do that is like go to court

876
00:42:04,290 --> 00:42:05,410
Speaker 2: and wait for a court day. So I had to

877
00:42:05,410 --> 00:42:08,690
Speaker 2: get lawyers involved to get that sorted. I couldn't just

878
00:42:08,690 --> 00:42:11,850
Speaker 2: send a friend around finally get a court day, you know,

879
00:42:11,890 --> 00:42:15,250
Speaker 2: this months later to get in there. And you know,

880
00:42:15,290 --> 00:42:19,930
Speaker 2: the core system's really long drawn out and easily abused.

881
00:42:20,490 --> 00:42:21,970
Speaker 2: We went in for this thing. I was like, can

882
00:42:22,010 --> 00:42:23,650
Speaker 2: we just get rid of it? Because all the things

883
00:42:23,650 --> 00:42:25,730
Speaker 2: that he had said, Like he said I didn't pay

884
00:42:25,730 --> 00:42:29,930
Speaker 2: any money into the mortgage, which wasn't true. I had

885
00:42:30,250 --> 00:42:32,890
Speaker 2: proof that it was. You know. I had text messages asked, hey,

886
00:42:32,890 --> 00:42:35,050
Speaker 2: what's the mortgage account details? So you know, I had

887
00:42:35,090 --> 00:42:38,370
Speaker 2: all this stuff, you know, And then he'd said like

888
00:42:38,410 --> 00:42:39,770
Speaker 2: I was talking him and I was like, well, I

889
00:42:39,810 --> 00:42:41,330
Speaker 2: have all these people that are going to come forward

890
00:42:41,370 --> 00:42:43,170
Speaker 2: and say no, we just saw them out. We told

891
00:42:43,210 --> 00:42:46,730
Speaker 2: her about it and all these things. I found out

892
00:42:46,730 --> 00:42:49,810
Speaker 2: when he'd picked that fight with me that he'd actually

893
00:42:50,090 --> 00:42:53,690
Speaker 2: secretly filmed me, which is illegal. You can't film someone

894
00:42:53,690 --> 00:42:56,410
Speaker 2: in their home without their consent, but he was obviously

895
00:42:56,450 --> 00:42:58,730
Speaker 2: just trying to He'd said that that was his evidence.

896
00:42:59,050 --> 00:43:01,250
Speaker 2: It's bad enough they found out that he's had an affair,

897
00:43:01,330 --> 00:43:06,130
Speaker 2: but now he's done this, And it was just so cowardly, like, well,

898
00:43:06,170 --> 00:43:08,530
Speaker 2: you're so worried that it's getting out that you're having

899
00:43:08,530 --> 00:43:10,930
Speaker 2: an affair that you're going to try to shut me

900
00:43:11,010 --> 00:43:14,450
Speaker 2: up with a training order. I couldn't believe that you

901
00:43:14,490 --> 00:43:18,570
Speaker 2: could just go in, say someone's abusing me and get

902
00:43:18,650 --> 00:43:21,370
Speaker 2: given an order that makes them homeless with no proof.

903
00:43:21,810 --> 00:43:25,170
Speaker 2: It's a system that's designed to protect people really quickly,

904
00:43:25,210 --> 00:43:29,530
Speaker 2: but it opens it up to being used to abuse people. Yeah,

905
00:43:29,610 --> 00:43:31,650
Speaker 2: and it's apparently. My lawyers were like, oh, yeah, this

906
00:43:31,650 --> 00:43:34,130
Speaker 2: happens all the time, especially in divorces, because it gives

907
00:43:34,130 --> 00:43:37,290
Speaker 2: someone the power to all the assets and then find

908
00:43:37,330 --> 00:43:42,370
Speaker 2: out that she's moved in. And so he's fighting really

909
00:43:42,410 --> 00:43:46,410
Speaker 2: hard because we go to this court hearing and you know,

910
00:43:46,490 --> 00:43:47,970
Speaker 2: I thought we would just be able to present all

911
00:43:47,970 --> 00:43:50,010
Speaker 2: this evidence and they would get rid of it. Doesn't

912
00:43:50,050 --> 00:43:52,370
Speaker 2: work that way. We have to ask for a variation

913
00:43:52,530 --> 00:43:54,130
Speaker 2: and we have to wait for trial for it to

914
00:43:54,130 --> 00:43:57,530
Speaker 2: go away. So they actually made a variation for me

915
00:43:57,770 --> 00:44:01,290
Speaker 2: to go there to the house, which he obviously wasn't

916
00:44:01,330 --> 00:44:04,890
Speaker 2: happy about, and he would just make it so difficult.

917
00:44:04,970 --> 00:44:07,650
Speaker 2: And you know, the first time I tried to go there,

918
00:44:07,770 --> 00:44:09,850
Speaker 2: he was just making all these rules and stuff, and

919
00:44:09,890 --> 00:44:13,050
Speaker 2: my lawyer's talking to him and he's like, the magistrates

920
00:44:13,170 --> 00:44:15,970
Speaker 2: ordered this. You're disobeying a court order, you know, because

921
00:44:15,970 --> 00:44:18,850
Speaker 2: he's saying he wants to be there, and I was like,

922
00:44:18,930 --> 00:44:21,210
Speaker 2: I don't want to go near him. Like he's trying

923
00:44:21,250 --> 00:44:23,090
Speaker 2: to engage me in a conflict. I don't want to

924
00:44:23,130 --> 00:44:26,930
Speaker 2: go there when he's there. So the first time I

925
00:44:26,970 --> 00:44:29,130
Speaker 2: couldn't go. Then he's like, I want to be able

926
00:44:29,130 --> 00:44:32,170
Speaker 2: to film her when she goes there, and I want

927
00:44:32,290 --> 00:44:33,970
Speaker 2: to have a person there at all times. And he

928
00:44:34,050 --> 00:44:38,610
Speaker 2: kept nominating like gypsies, family members, and he would make

929
00:44:38,650 --> 00:44:40,850
Speaker 2: it so difficult for me to go to the house

930
00:44:40,890 --> 00:44:43,850
Speaker 2: and I still couldn't take like I had nothing. I

931
00:44:43,890 --> 00:44:46,330
Speaker 2: was staying with friends, but I couldn't stay like I

932
00:44:46,370 --> 00:44:49,130
Speaker 2: was in a room. I couldn't stay there long term.

933
00:44:49,170 --> 00:44:52,130
Speaker 2: I felt really awful because I'm putting them in the

934
00:44:52,170 --> 00:44:55,090
Speaker 2: middle of this, and I don't want them to be

935
00:44:55,130 --> 00:44:57,410
Speaker 2: in the middle of this. But he's every time I

936
00:44:57,410 --> 00:44:59,850
Speaker 2: would pick someone, he'd find a reason that he didn't

937
00:44:59,930 --> 00:45:01,890
Speaker 2: like them, so then I'd have to pick another person.

938
00:45:02,090 --> 00:45:05,010
Speaker 2: And it was just horrific, and I'm like, I remember

939
00:45:05,050 --> 00:45:07,690
Speaker 2: the first time I went to court, my lawyers like

940
00:45:07,730 --> 00:45:11,250
Speaker 2: don't look at him, and I couldn't help, but like, sneek,

941
00:45:11,250 --> 00:45:13,170
Speaker 2: you look at because I'm like, how are you doing

942
00:45:13,210 --> 00:45:16,610
Speaker 2: this to me? Like I care about you and I

943
00:45:16,730 --> 00:45:19,530
Speaker 2: was defending you even when you'd had an affair. I'm

944
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:22,290
Speaker 2: saying that people don't hate him like you know, he's

945
00:45:22,330 --> 00:45:23,970
Speaker 2: going to have to deal with what he's done. And

946
00:45:24,850 --> 00:45:28,610
Speaker 2: you've done this just because you're too cowardly to admit

947
00:45:28,930 --> 00:45:30,170
Speaker 2: to you having an affair.

948
00:45:30,650 --> 00:45:32,930
Speaker 1: And from there it's somehow got even worse.

949
00:45:33,290 --> 00:45:35,410
Speaker 2: He's out and proud with her at this point. I

950
00:45:35,450 --> 00:45:37,850
Speaker 2: remember being like out with a friend at the pub

951
00:45:38,610 --> 00:45:42,010
Speaker 2: across the road. They had parked up, seen us and

952
00:45:42,090 --> 00:45:44,570
Speaker 2: walked across and walked in and came up to us.

953
00:45:45,170 --> 00:45:47,370
Speaker 2: He's got a restraining order because he's claimed that I'm

954
00:45:47,410 --> 00:45:50,050
Speaker 2: abusive and I'm stalking him, and he's afraid of me.

955
00:45:50,570 --> 00:45:53,810
Speaker 2: He's smirking and laughing. So we had to get up

956
00:45:53,850 --> 00:45:55,850
Speaker 2: and leave our dinner at our drinks and leave because

957
00:45:55,930 --> 00:45:59,410
Speaker 2: otherwise I'd be breaching the order. That's not the actions

958
00:45:59,410 --> 00:46:02,690
Speaker 2: of someone that's afraid. You know. During all this, he's

959
00:46:02,690 --> 00:46:04,890
Speaker 2: sending me emails, Hey, your work stuff's here, When are

960
00:46:04,890 --> 00:46:06,970
Speaker 2: you going to come get it? One of the pets

961
00:46:06,970 --> 00:46:09,210
Speaker 2: has died. I'm home all day. Do you want to

962
00:46:09,210 --> 00:46:10,770
Speaker 2: come and get your stuff that I know you need

963
00:46:10,810 --> 00:46:16,570
Speaker 2: for work? So he was trying to entice the breach.

964
00:46:17,290 --> 00:46:19,690
Speaker 2: He was very big on his like good guy image

965
00:46:20,210 --> 00:46:23,530
Speaker 2: and that was about to get trashed, but in getting

966
00:46:23,530 --> 00:46:26,010
Speaker 2: restraining order, he trashed it even more than I ever

967
00:46:26,050 --> 00:46:29,210
Speaker 2: possibly could have because people were shocked, and I think

968
00:46:29,250 --> 00:46:33,370
Speaker 2: at first people didn't want to pick sides. But you know,

969
00:46:33,450 --> 00:46:36,450
Speaker 2: actions speak louder than words, and something I noticed he

970
00:46:36,490 --> 00:46:39,130
Speaker 2: would always say the right thing, but the actions he

971
00:46:39,170 --> 00:46:42,610
Speaker 2: did were completely different. So he might say one thing,

972
00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:45,050
Speaker 2: but the things he was doing. My friends are seeing

973
00:46:45,050 --> 00:46:49,570
Speaker 2: me distraught, you know, upset, crying, and he's out making

974
00:46:49,650 --> 00:46:53,250
Speaker 2: jokes apparently on Facebook about me. How he's free TOI

975
00:46:53,250 --> 00:46:54,810
Speaker 2: could do what he wants and stuff, and people like

976
00:46:54,850 --> 00:46:58,130
Speaker 2: your wife's homeless. Had a friend that had like a

977
00:46:58,170 --> 00:47:00,450
Speaker 2: farm with a shed on it. Must moved into the shed.

978
00:47:01,050 --> 00:47:03,610
Speaker 2: I didn't have any running water, I didn't have a kitchen.

979
00:47:03,890 --> 00:47:07,650
Speaker 2: Like my friends all banded together. They made like a

980
00:47:07,690 --> 00:47:10,930
Speaker 2: pump system to pump water from a water tank like

981
00:47:10,930 --> 00:47:13,970
Speaker 2: a couple of ac way to the house and got

982
00:47:13,970 --> 00:47:17,730
Speaker 2: me some vouchers to get closed furniture. So you know,

983
00:47:17,890 --> 00:47:20,610
Speaker 2: I'm very very lucky. You know that whole time, I'm

984
00:47:20,610 --> 00:47:25,130
Speaker 2: getting nasty emails from his lawyer, and you know, I'm

985
00:47:25,130 --> 00:47:28,050
Speaker 2: trying to get him to disclose, and he's not disclosing.

986
00:47:29,010 --> 00:47:31,650
Speaker 2: We're just going back and forth. Like I was terrified

987
00:47:31,690 --> 00:47:33,730
Speaker 2: because my lawyer is like, he's trying to get you

988
00:47:33,770 --> 00:47:36,450
Speaker 2: to breach, you know, and the police will arrest you

989
00:47:36,490 --> 00:47:39,050
Speaker 2: and they'll ask questions later. So you know, I'd go

990
00:47:39,090 --> 00:47:40,690
Speaker 2: to the shops and I'd take a picture of my

991
00:47:40,770 --> 00:47:43,770
Speaker 2: car so that if he saw my car shops and

992
00:47:43,810 --> 00:47:46,010
Speaker 2: parked next to me, he couldn't say that I'd park

993
00:47:46,130 --> 00:47:48,330
Speaker 2: next to him, and just things like that. I was

994
00:47:48,370 --> 00:47:51,730
Speaker 2: so paranoid for so long. The trial was set for

995
00:47:51,850 --> 00:47:55,850
Speaker 2: six months away, which apparently is a quick turnaround. So

996
00:47:55,970 --> 00:47:58,530
Speaker 2: with a restraining order, it's an intram order and you

997
00:47:58,570 --> 00:48:01,450
Speaker 2: can object and if you object, then it goes to

998
00:48:01,530 --> 00:48:05,210
Speaker 2: a it's called like a final hearing, and it's basically

999
00:48:05,210 --> 00:48:07,490
Speaker 2: where you would present all your evidence and they would

1000
00:48:07,490 --> 00:48:10,370
Speaker 2: decide whether the order became final or if it was dismissed.

1001
00:48:11,370 --> 00:48:14,050
Speaker 2: So I objected, and in the meantime, we had what

1002
00:48:14,050 --> 00:48:16,250
Speaker 2: are they called a variance or something to the order

1003
00:48:16,770 --> 00:48:19,450
Speaker 2: because he had misled the court. But in my mind,

1004
00:48:19,490 --> 00:48:21,210
Speaker 2: it's like, why can't I just get rid of it.

1005
00:48:21,570 --> 00:48:23,170
Speaker 2: I've proved that he's led on this and this and this,

1006
00:48:23,930 --> 00:48:26,810
Speaker 2: you know, but a variation. Sorry it's called But so

1007
00:48:26,850 --> 00:48:29,410
Speaker 2: I had to wait and we get days out and

1008
00:48:29,450 --> 00:48:31,250
Speaker 2: he just goes, you know what, I'm going to drop it.

1009
00:48:31,730 --> 00:48:34,170
Speaker 2: And I was so angry. So he dropped it, and

1010
00:48:34,170 --> 00:48:36,810
Speaker 2: I wanted me to sign like an undertaking, which is

1011
00:48:36,890 --> 00:48:39,290
Speaker 2: just a fancy word for a promise that is, I

1012
00:48:39,290 --> 00:48:41,130
Speaker 2: promise I won't go near you, promise you won't go

1013
00:48:41,210 --> 00:48:44,250
Speaker 2: near me. And I was so upset, and so is

1014
00:48:44,290 --> 00:48:47,170
Speaker 2: my family and stuff. And the lawyers were like, look new,

1015
00:48:47,210 --> 00:48:49,490
Speaker 2: we knew this is this is common. Hayes got nothing,

1016
00:48:49,650 --> 00:48:51,530
Speaker 2: you know, because we'd ask for his evidence and he'd

1017
00:48:51,530 --> 00:48:55,450
Speaker 2: refused to give it to us. And I was so angry.

1018
00:48:55,450 --> 00:48:56,890
Speaker 2: I was like, no, I want to go to trial,

1019
00:48:57,090 --> 00:48:59,290
Speaker 2: like I've got all these people ready to speak, I've

1020
00:48:59,330 --> 00:49:01,610
Speaker 2: got all this evidence, I've got evidence that he's actually

1021
00:49:01,690 --> 00:49:03,770
Speaker 2: abused me. I was like, you know, I want to

1022
00:49:03,770 --> 00:49:06,010
Speaker 2: go in there and prove like you've accused me of

1023
00:49:06,050 --> 00:49:08,810
Speaker 2: these horrible things. I want to prove it. But my

1024
00:49:08,890 --> 00:49:10,930
Speaker 2: lawyers were like, there's no point you're going to get

1025
00:49:10,970 --> 00:49:12,930
Speaker 2: to court to stand up and say he's happy to

1026
00:49:13,010 --> 00:49:16,090
Speaker 2: drop it, and the magistrate's going to say, why are

1027
00:49:16,090 --> 00:49:20,370
Speaker 2: you wasting my time? It was so frustrating that people

1028
00:49:20,410 --> 00:49:23,770
Speaker 2: can ruin someone else's life and not have to answer

1029
00:49:23,770 --> 00:49:28,130
Speaker 2: for it. Why wasn't He asked, why you withdrawing it?

1030
00:49:28,570 --> 00:49:31,250
Speaker 2: You've kept it on for this long. And I couldn't

1031
00:49:31,290 --> 00:49:32,890
Speaker 2: just go back to the house because he changed the

1032
00:49:32,970 --> 00:49:34,370
Speaker 2: locks and he'd moved her in, and not that I

1033
00:49:34,370 --> 00:49:36,730
Speaker 2: would want to, but you know what I mean. Like,

1034
00:49:36,850 --> 00:49:40,610
Speaker 2: so she dropped hers like a day later, so they

1035
00:49:40,650 --> 00:49:43,970
Speaker 2: both dropped them before trial. Finally, a couple months later,

1036
00:49:44,050 --> 00:49:47,250
Speaker 2: was able to go get all my stuff, and you know,

1037
00:49:47,290 --> 00:49:49,090
Speaker 2: he's insisting that I'm not allowed to pack it, and

1038
00:49:49,090 --> 00:49:51,690
Speaker 2: I'm not allowed to touch it. He insisted on packing.

1039
00:49:52,490 --> 00:49:55,290
Speaker 2: So I get my stuff. It's always thrown in a heat.

1040
00:49:55,930 --> 00:49:59,770
Speaker 2: A bunch of stuff's broken, and there's when I get

1041
00:49:59,810 --> 00:50:03,010
Speaker 2: home and I'm unpacking, there's dog shit and a threat

1042
00:50:03,130 --> 00:50:05,490
Speaker 2: in one of the boxes. I went to the police station.

1043
00:50:05,610 --> 00:50:07,090
Speaker 2: I gave them all that evidence, so like, do you

1044
00:50:07,130 --> 00:50:11,130
Speaker 2: want to charge plus the threat dog feces? Like do

1045
00:50:11,170 --> 00:50:12,970
Speaker 2: you want to And I was like no, I just

1046
00:50:13,010 --> 00:50:15,130
Speaker 2: want him to live alone. It took a bit of

1047
00:50:15,130 --> 00:50:17,290
Speaker 2: convincing for them to get me to get a restraining

1048
00:50:17,370 --> 00:50:19,370
Speaker 2: order because I was like, this was this horrible thing

1049
00:50:19,410 --> 00:50:20,930
Speaker 2: that was done to me, and I don't want to

1050
00:50:20,930 --> 00:50:22,330
Speaker 2: do that to someone else, and I don't want to

1051
00:50:22,370 --> 00:50:25,050
Speaker 2: be that person. But they're like, you're not getting it

1052
00:50:25,250 --> 00:50:28,490
Speaker 2: for the wrong reasons. You're getting it for the right reasons.

1053
00:50:28,610 --> 00:50:30,810
Speaker 2: You know, he was using it as a sword, you're

1054
00:50:30,890 --> 00:50:34,570
Speaker 2: using it as a shield. So I went and got

1055
00:50:34,610 --> 00:50:39,450
Speaker 2: the restraining order, and you know, he got served. So

1056
00:50:39,490 --> 00:50:43,370
Speaker 2: he agreed to they call like a consent order. It's

1057
00:50:43,370 --> 00:50:46,370
Speaker 2: basically a restraining order. It's just with no admissions. So

1058
00:50:46,410 --> 00:50:49,850
Speaker 2: he agreed to that. And meanwhile, I'm still trying to

1059
00:50:49,890 --> 00:50:54,410
Speaker 2: get the money side, like property side resolved, because I'm

1060
00:50:54,450 --> 00:50:57,170
Speaker 2: living in a shed until I can get this sorted.

1061
00:50:57,850 --> 00:51:01,130
Speaker 2: He's spending money, like there's no tomorrow out of our mortgage.

1062
00:51:01,370 --> 00:51:05,290
Speaker 2: They're going on holidays and stuff, and I'm like, and also,

1063
00:51:05,650 --> 00:51:07,970
Speaker 2: she's killed someone. So in the middle of all of this,

1064
00:51:08,450 --> 00:51:13,250
Speaker 2: the whole town's pissed off. They're seeing them out, they're angry,

1065
00:51:13,930 --> 00:51:16,490
Speaker 2: they're talking. People coming up to me. I heard what

1066
00:51:16,570 --> 00:51:19,090
Speaker 2: happened to that, so you know, fuck, that's shit, Like

1067
00:51:19,770 --> 00:51:22,090
Speaker 2: it's bringing it up for me. I don't want to

1068
00:51:22,090 --> 00:51:25,050
Speaker 2: be that girl that had this horrible thing happened to them,

1069
00:51:25,650 --> 00:51:28,730
Speaker 2: and also the family of that poor cyclist, like they've

1070
00:51:28,770 --> 00:51:35,410
Speaker 2: lost someone. That's horrific, and this person's being lost in

1071
00:51:35,450 --> 00:51:39,370
Speaker 2: all the town gossip and chatter and stuff. So finally

1072
00:51:39,450 --> 00:51:43,730
Speaker 2: had to get orders to get him to settle and

1073
00:51:44,650 --> 00:51:47,650
Speaker 2: manage to get that done. In the meantime, my order

1074
00:51:48,050 --> 00:51:55,570
Speaker 2: expires and you know, start getting nasty messages. And during

1075
00:51:55,610 --> 00:51:59,290
Speaker 2: this whole process as well, she goes to court and

1076
00:51:59,490 --> 00:52:02,450
Speaker 2: that was on the news. People are sending me the news,

1077
00:52:03,050 --> 00:52:04,930
Speaker 2: you know, no clip, and I'm like, yeah, I've seen it,

1078
00:52:04,970 --> 00:52:08,330
Speaker 2: like I know, like I feel so awful for the family.

1079
00:52:09,050 --> 00:52:10,970
Speaker 2: I don't want to be involved.

1080
00:52:11,170 --> 00:52:15,730
Speaker 1: Gypsy was charged, convicted, fined, and lost her license, but

1081
00:52:15,810 --> 00:52:18,290
Speaker 1: she didn't go to jail. So while she has to

1082
00:52:18,370 --> 00:52:21,170
Speaker 1: live with what she did, she's doing so as a

1083
00:52:21,210 --> 00:52:22,970
Speaker 1: free woman with Ted.

1084
00:52:23,370 --> 00:52:25,210
Speaker 2: By that point, none of my friends wanted anything to

1085
00:52:25,210 --> 00:52:28,410
Speaker 2: do with them. There was two people who I cut

1086
00:52:28,450 --> 00:52:31,410
Speaker 2: off that decided to stay friends with him. I cut

1087
00:52:31,450 --> 00:52:33,370
Speaker 2: them off just for my own good. And you know,

1088
00:52:33,610 --> 00:52:36,050
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, if they wanted to

1089
00:52:36,050 --> 00:52:38,410
Speaker 2: be friends with someone that had had a fair and

1090
00:52:38,490 --> 00:52:40,770
Speaker 2: gipsy who didn't like those people, but you know, they're

1091
00:52:40,770 --> 00:52:42,410
Speaker 2: the only friend she has now, so I guess she's

1092
00:52:42,450 --> 00:52:45,490
Speaker 2: got no choice. But if that's who they wanted to

1093
00:52:45,530 --> 00:52:48,130
Speaker 2: be with, then that's the behavior they're okay with. I

1094
00:52:48,130 --> 00:52:50,090
Speaker 2: don't want to be friends with you, doesn't matter how

1095
00:52:50,170 --> 00:52:52,690
Speaker 2: much I like you, doesn't matter how good our memories are, Like,

1096
00:52:52,770 --> 00:52:56,050
Speaker 2: I just need her to separate myself from that, which

1097
00:52:56,090 --> 00:52:58,210
Speaker 2: is hard because you know, I do have some good memories,

1098
00:52:58,250 --> 00:53:01,330
Speaker 2: but i've you know, cut myself off. I know that

1099
00:53:01,370 --> 00:53:04,730
Speaker 2: she's been abused and called out and not that I,

1100
00:53:04,810 --> 00:53:06,610
Speaker 2: you know, asked people to do that or anything that

1101
00:53:06,610 --> 00:53:10,210
Speaker 2: people were just angry, like, not only did you you

1102
00:53:10,210 --> 00:53:12,250
Speaker 2: know they all saw her at the wedding. They all

1103
00:53:12,330 --> 00:53:15,690
Speaker 2: knew that we were friends, so they that's made them angry.

1104
00:53:15,930 --> 00:53:19,530
Speaker 2: I had a few people say they didn't particularly like her,

1105
00:53:20,290 --> 00:53:22,370
Speaker 2: but they'd never said anything, because you know, she was

1106
00:53:22,410 --> 00:53:24,730
Speaker 2: my friend. But I don't know if they're just saying

1107
00:53:24,770 --> 00:53:27,450
Speaker 2: that now to try and make me feel better. And

1108
00:53:27,530 --> 00:53:30,250
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, next time, tell me. But I

1109
00:53:30,290 --> 00:53:33,770
Speaker 2: thought she was a good person, and like, I think, honestly,

1110
00:53:33,770 --> 00:53:35,530
Speaker 2: she's just one of those people that can't not be

1111
00:53:35,570 --> 00:53:38,490
Speaker 2: in a relationship. And I think he probably flirted with

1112
00:53:38,530 --> 00:53:40,930
Speaker 2: her and she flirted back and realized that she could

1113
00:53:41,290 --> 00:53:44,610
Speaker 2: manipulate the situation. I think she probably wanted to keep

1114
00:53:44,650 --> 00:53:46,850
Speaker 2: both of us around. I think depending on the way

1115
00:53:46,890 --> 00:53:48,930
Speaker 2: it went, because why would you keep hanging out with

1116
00:53:48,970 --> 00:53:51,610
Speaker 2: me and talking to me and engaging with me and

1117
00:53:51,690 --> 00:53:53,850
Speaker 2: even saying like, oh, we should get a rental together.

1118
00:53:54,290 --> 00:53:57,250
Speaker 2: I think if he had said to her, no, I'm

1119
00:53:57,250 --> 00:53:59,490
Speaker 2: not going to leave her, I'm going to stay with her,

1120
00:53:59,850 --> 00:54:01,770
Speaker 2: they would have just both pretended it never happened and

1121
00:54:01,850 --> 00:54:07,090
Speaker 2: would just like kept going. It's been almost three years. Yeah,

1122
00:54:07,130 --> 00:54:09,970
Speaker 2: I got my little dream farm thing going, so it

1123
00:54:10,170 --> 00:54:14,330
Speaker 2: just got some chiks, dogs are happy. I had to

1124
00:54:14,370 --> 00:54:16,330
Speaker 2: do that on my own, had to pay for that

1125
00:54:16,410 --> 00:54:19,610
Speaker 2: on my own because I did try and reach out

1126
00:54:20,290 --> 00:54:22,210
Speaker 2: I don't know why I'm in it because I'm a idiot,

1127
00:54:22,210 --> 00:54:24,130
Speaker 2: and try and get him to pay for half. But

1128
00:54:24,810 --> 00:54:27,090
Speaker 2: I thought of if you at least have to pay BAF,

1129
00:54:27,130 --> 00:54:29,650
Speaker 2: but he just made it so difficult. I think one

1130
00:54:29,650 --> 00:54:31,890
Speaker 2: of the things I realized as soon as we separated,

1131
00:54:31,930 --> 00:54:34,250
Speaker 2: like I see my friend's little room is like you know,

1132
00:54:34,490 --> 00:54:37,570
Speaker 2: a week after it happened, and I just realized, oh,

1133
00:54:37,610 --> 00:54:40,770
Speaker 2: I don't love him, I don't miss him. The situation's bad,

1134
00:54:40,810 --> 00:54:44,170
Speaker 2: but being away from him this isn't bad. My friends

1135
00:54:44,170 --> 00:54:46,610
Speaker 2: have said to me like since the separation, like you've

1136
00:54:46,610 --> 00:54:48,850
Speaker 2: got your sparkle back, like this is how you're meant

1137
00:54:48,850 --> 00:54:52,130
Speaker 2: to be, or like not anxious anymore. And I try

1138
00:54:52,170 --> 00:54:54,770
Speaker 2: not to think about them. Obviously, it gets brought up

1139
00:54:54,890 --> 00:54:58,250
Speaker 2: because it's a small town and people are still mad

1140
00:54:58,290 --> 00:55:01,410
Speaker 2: about it. I feel sorry for them, to be honest,

1141
00:55:01,450 --> 00:55:04,290
Speaker 2: I feel sorry for her. She had a good friend

1142
00:55:04,290 --> 00:55:07,130
Speaker 2: and she treated her friend like that, and she's got

1143
00:55:07,170 --> 00:55:10,530
Speaker 2: no one. She literally has no one. People are upset

1144
00:55:10,570 --> 00:55:13,210
Speaker 2: and angry, and I can't imagine what it would feel

1145
00:55:13,290 --> 00:55:15,050
Speaker 2: like to be in a room full of people that

1146
00:55:15,610 --> 00:55:17,970
Speaker 2: all know what you did, the worst two things that

1147
00:55:18,010 --> 00:55:21,210
Speaker 2: you've done, and hate you for it, and openly some

1148
00:55:21,250 --> 00:55:23,770
Speaker 2: of them openly hate you for it. She has to

1149
00:55:23,770 --> 00:55:26,770
Speaker 2: live with the fact that she killed someone. You know,

1150
00:55:27,250 --> 00:55:30,490
Speaker 2: he's not a catch. You know, I thought he was,

1151
00:55:30,530 --> 00:55:33,170
Speaker 2: but he's not. He's not a good person. He was

1152
00:55:33,250 --> 00:55:35,970
Speaker 2: really nasty to me at times, and he's probably been

1153
00:55:36,010 --> 00:55:38,930
Speaker 2: really nasty to her now that the you know, the

1154
00:55:39,010 --> 00:55:42,410
Speaker 2: initial love bombing stage is over. You know, I remember

1155
00:55:42,450 --> 00:55:45,330
Speaker 2: seeing the disclosure and going, oh, he took me to

1156
00:55:45,370 --> 00:55:46,770
Speaker 2: that place, and he took me to that place and

1157
00:55:46,810 --> 00:55:50,130
Speaker 2: he did this, He's done the same pattern. It was crazy,

1158
00:55:50,170 --> 00:55:53,850
Speaker 2: you know, so I just feel sorry for she's jumped

1159
00:55:53,850 --> 00:55:57,050
Speaker 2: into this relationship because she can't be on her and

1160
00:55:57,130 --> 00:55:59,290
Speaker 2: she's she had to be in another relationship. You had

1161
00:55:59,290 --> 00:56:02,730
Speaker 2: to depend on someone else, and she's with this guy.

1162
00:56:02,810 --> 00:56:05,730
Speaker 2: And my Auntie said, you know, the one thing that

1163
00:56:05,810 --> 00:56:08,570
Speaker 2: they have in common is you. I wouldn't want to

1164
00:56:08,570 --> 00:56:11,930
Speaker 2: be them. Some days I get really frustrated, but you know,

1165
00:56:11,970 --> 00:56:14,330
Speaker 2: I just laugh, just try laugh it off at this

1166
00:56:14,410 --> 00:56:18,050
Speaker 2: point because it doesn't really hurt anymore. You know, I

1167
00:56:18,170 --> 00:56:20,530
Speaker 2: just think of it as well, you know, you wanted him,

1168
00:56:20,530 --> 00:56:26,650
Speaker 2: you got him. Enjoy like I'm really happy, Like I'm yeah,

1169
00:56:26,890 --> 00:56:29,650
Speaker 2: and where I always wanted to be back home. That's

1170
00:56:29,690 --> 00:56:32,810
Speaker 2: really important to me. Still got all my friends around me.

1171
00:56:32,890 --> 00:56:38,210
Speaker 2: They've been amazing. My sister's been absolutely amazing, the most supportive,

1172
00:56:38,250 --> 00:56:41,090
Speaker 2: most amazing person, and it's been there for me every

1173
00:56:41,130 --> 00:56:43,930
Speaker 2: single day. So I don't know how I would have

1174
00:56:43,970 --> 00:56:47,050
Speaker 2: got through it without her. It's actually been really freeing.

1175
00:56:47,610 --> 00:56:49,450
Speaker 2: He had me in this place where I thought like

1176
00:56:49,570 --> 00:56:52,170
Speaker 2: I couldn't do anything and I wasn't good enough to

1177
00:56:52,250 --> 00:56:54,530
Speaker 2: do anything myself, and I would never make it. And

1178
00:56:54,570 --> 00:56:59,010
Speaker 2: I'm like, well, my dream little house, like this beautiful

1179
00:56:59,010 --> 00:57:01,570
Speaker 2: deck that overlooks the bush that I sit on, you know,

1180
00:57:01,650 --> 00:57:04,770
Speaker 2: and watch the birds and stuff. I've been dating, like casually.

1181
00:57:05,410 --> 00:57:07,170
Speaker 2: I was dating really nice guy for a while, but

1182
00:57:07,290 --> 00:57:10,290
Speaker 2: I just wasn't feeling it, so you know, that ended.

1183
00:57:10,290 --> 00:57:13,290
Speaker 2: But he was really lovely. Yeah, I was just happy

1184
00:57:13,330 --> 00:57:16,410
Speaker 2: being single at the moment. When I meet someone and

1185
00:57:16,770 --> 00:57:18,290
Speaker 2: they're nice and I like them and they're like me,

1186
00:57:18,370 --> 00:57:20,530
Speaker 2: I'm sure something will happen. But until then, I'm not

1187
00:57:20,570 --> 00:57:23,610
Speaker 2: sitting there going, oh, I'm so lonely. Like I'm happy

1188
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:27,450
Speaker 2: and fulfilled in myself and and my work and my hobbies.

1189
00:57:27,490 --> 00:57:31,890
Speaker 2: And I look back and I'm so glad that we

1190
00:57:32,010 --> 00:57:34,650
Speaker 2: broke up, and I feel really sorry. Like it feels

1191
00:57:34,650 --> 00:57:36,730
Speaker 2: like looking at a different person. I feel so sorry

1192
00:57:36,810 --> 00:57:39,410
Speaker 2: for the girl that I was, that I was so

1193
00:57:39,490 --> 00:57:41,730
Speaker 2: in love with this guy and just trying to constantly

1194
00:57:41,930 --> 00:57:44,730
Speaker 2: keep him happy and change herself and do all these things,

1195
00:57:45,570 --> 00:57:48,010
Speaker 2: and I feel so sorry for her. It's like looking

1196
00:57:48,050 --> 00:57:58,770
Speaker 2: at a different person in a different life.

1197
00:58:04,850 --> 00:58:07,810
Speaker 1: Everyone has an Eggs is a Minti Media production and

1198
00:58:07,850 --> 00:58:10,770
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and Me Network. It's written

1199
00:58:10,810 --> 00:58:14,450
Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1200
00:58:14,690 --> 00:58:16,970
Speaker 1: If you like we have Heard, support the podcast by

1201
00:58:17,050 --> 00:58:20,370
Speaker 1: hitting subscribe, writing a review, and leaving us five stars.

1202
00:58:20,530 --> 00:58:23,250
Speaker 1: You can also follow us on Instagram. That Everyone Has

1203
00:58:23,290 --> 00:58:25,370
Speaker 1: an X and if you have a story you'd like

1204
00:58:25,450 --> 00:58:27,730
Speaker 1: to share, you can contact us that Everyone Has an

1205
00:58:27,730 --> 00:58:31,330
Speaker 1: EX at mintimedia dot com dot you or Submissions at

1206
00:58:31,370 --> 00:58:34,330
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1207
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