WEBVTT - Think Twice

0:00:10.888 --> 0:00:14.808
<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mother Me podcast, Muma Me, your

0:00:14.848 --> 0:00:17.927
<v Speaker 1>acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This

0:00:18.088 --> 0:00:21.688
<v Speaker 1>podcast is recorded on. This episode deals with discussion of

0:00:21.728 --> 0:00:32.408
<v Speaker 1>depression and suicide. Listener, discretion is advised. We've all heard

0:00:32.408 --> 0:00:34.568
<v Speaker 1>this saying, if it seems too good to be true,

0:00:34.728 --> 0:00:37.488
<v Speaker 1>it probably is. But isn't that a terrible way to

0:00:37.528 --> 0:00:40.808
<v Speaker 1>look at life, because if you go into everything with negativity,

0:00:41.208 --> 0:00:43.488
<v Speaker 1>you might miss the best thing that's out there waiting

0:00:43.488 --> 0:00:43.808
<v Speaker 1>for you.

0:00:44.408 --> 0:00:48.088
<v Speaker 2>With my first marriage, because he was so absent emotionally

0:00:48.128 --> 0:00:51.728
<v Speaker 2>and physically in that marriage that when I was with Luke,

0:00:51.808 --> 0:00:53.168
<v Speaker 2>he was there all the time.

0:00:53.208 --> 0:00:54.288
<v Speaker 3>We did everything together.

0:00:54.408 --> 0:00:57.488
<v Speaker 2>He was so emotionally available, we were so connected that

0:00:58.888 --> 0:01:02.768
<v Speaker 2>it made my fears of a found marriage go. I

0:01:02.768 --> 0:01:06.527
<v Speaker 2>felt safe, I felt secure in this relationship. I didn't

0:01:06.568 --> 0:01:09.368
<v Speaker 2>have any doubts. I was like, this is my one,

0:01:09.928 --> 0:01:11.528
<v Speaker 2>this is the one that I was supposed to be

0:01:11.568 --> 0:01:12.368
<v Speaker 2>with from the start.

0:01:12.928 --> 0:01:15.848
<v Speaker 1>But dear listener, the saying is a common saying for

0:01:15.928 --> 0:01:18.807
<v Speaker 1>a reason. What if sometimes when your gut is telling

0:01:18.808 --> 0:01:22.048
<v Speaker 1>you this may all just be too good, it is.

0:01:22.568 --> 0:01:24.447
<v Speaker 2>I remember just looking at him one day in the

0:01:24.488 --> 0:01:25.928
<v Speaker 2>eye and I said, look, you need to just be

0:01:26.008 --> 0:01:29.248
<v Speaker 2>honest with me. I can't keep healing or trying to

0:01:29.248 --> 0:01:32.528
<v Speaker 2>heal and then getting another blow and finding out something Alice,

0:01:33.368 --> 0:01:34.887
<v Speaker 2>you need to rip it off like a band aid.

0:01:44.408 --> 0:01:46.888
<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an Ex.

0:01:47.128 --> 0:01:49.328
<v Speaker 1>Come with me as we dive into a collection of

0:01:49.448 --> 0:01:53.648
<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

0:01:53.688 --> 0:01:57.768
<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who lived them. Madison's story

0:01:57.928 --> 0:02:01.128
<v Speaker 1>is about a guy named Luke, but before we meet him,

0:02:01.168 --> 0:02:04.448
<v Speaker 1>we need to delve a little into Madison's backstory. You see,

0:02:04.488 --> 0:02:07.648
<v Speaker 1>she was married before Luke came along. As they say,

0:02:07.808 --> 0:02:08.648
<v Speaker 1>everyone has an.

0:02:08.608 --> 0:02:12.607
<v Speaker 2>Ex I met my first husband in my early twenties,

0:02:12.968 --> 0:02:15.728
<v Speaker 2>and about six months into that relationship I did for pregnant.

0:02:16.288 --> 0:02:19.488
<v Speaker 2>We didn't plan on that pregnancy at all. I do

0:02:19.688 --> 0:02:23.848
<v Speaker 2>have a history of Andrew metrosis, so that's why I

0:02:23.888 --> 0:02:27.528
<v Speaker 2>guess the pregnancy. We armed an ard and then we thought, no,

0:02:27.848 --> 0:02:29.567
<v Speaker 2>I really wanted to be a mum and this might

0:02:29.568 --> 0:02:32.568
<v Speaker 2>be my only opportunity to have a baby, and I

0:02:32.608 --> 0:02:37.127
<v Speaker 2>think we had the family pressure of getting married, so

0:02:37.248 --> 0:02:40.808
<v Speaker 2>we followed through with that. Shortly after we got married,

0:02:40.848 --> 0:02:43.208
<v Speaker 2>we then did try for another baby, so we had

0:02:43.208 --> 0:02:45.568
<v Speaker 2>two beautiful children, and we had a home together. Everything

0:02:45.568 --> 0:02:49.208
<v Speaker 2>looked perfect, but it was quite a tumultuous marriage. He

0:02:49.328 --> 0:02:51.728
<v Speaker 2>was a big party boy, he was never home. I

0:02:51.768 --> 0:02:54.008
<v Speaker 2>felt like a single mum the whole time, and it

0:02:54.088 --> 0:02:57.368
<v Speaker 2>kind of just ran its course. So in twenty eighteen

0:02:57.448 --> 0:03:00.608
<v Speaker 2>we called it quits. In total, we were together for

0:03:00.608 --> 0:03:03.888
<v Speaker 2>ten years before we decided to split. Then the end,

0:03:03.928 --> 0:03:06.328
<v Speaker 2>it just got too hard and I needed to make

0:03:06.368 --> 0:03:11.328
<v Speaker 2>the break. I did feel heartbroken, more disappointed. I didn't

0:03:11.368 --> 0:03:13.328
<v Speaker 2>want to let my parents down. I didn't want to

0:03:13.407 --> 0:03:16.648
<v Speaker 2>let my children down. I didn't want to let just

0:03:16.728 --> 0:03:20.888
<v Speaker 2>society down. Like that's a huge shame around a broken marriage,

0:03:21.008 --> 0:03:24.648
<v Speaker 2>especially being so young. I was the first of my

0:03:24.768 --> 0:03:27.208
<v Speaker 2>family to ever go through a divorce, after first of

0:03:27.248 --> 0:03:30.048
<v Speaker 2>all my friends to ever go through it, so it

0:03:30.168 --> 0:03:33.488
<v Speaker 2>was difficult in that perspective, Like I knew it was

0:03:33.848 --> 0:03:36.648
<v Speaker 2>a marriage that wasn't right and that love wasn't there,

0:03:37.528 --> 0:03:40.448
<v Speaker 2>but it was a big hurdle to get over the

0:03:40.488 --> 0:03:42.208
<v Speaker 2>shame of having a broken marriage.

0:03:42.968 --> 0:03:44.848
<v Speaker 3>I also put that off.

0:03:44.648 --> 0:03:47.488
<v Speaker 2>The table of ever getting married again, because the fear

0:03:47.528 --> 0:03:50.528
<v Speaker 2>of ever going through another marriage breakdown was just too

0:03:50.568 --> 0:03:53.048
<v Speaker 2>hard for me to even manage or cope with or

0:03:53.128 --> 0:03:56.208
<v Speaker 2>even imagine that could be a possibility. So as much

0:03:56.248 --> 0:03:59.248
<v Speaker 2>as I wanted it, the marriage part of it, I

0:03:59.328 --> 0:04:02.288
<v Speaker 2>just I kind of blocked that out and thought I

0:04:02.328 --> 0:04:03.408
<v Speaker 2>just wouldn't do that again.

0:04:03.928 --> 0:04:06.488
<v Speaker 1>But that certainly didn't mean she didn't want love again.

0:04:07.168 --> 0:04:12.648
<v Speaker 2>I'm a hopeless romantic love love. I had dated often

0:04:12.768 --> 0:04:15.928
<v Speaker 2>on a little bit, but no one really got my attention.

0:04:16.008 --> 0:04:18.288
<v Speaker 2>I didn't really have that sparkle, that connection, or I

0:04:18.288 --> 0:04:22.247
<v Speaker 2>didn't really say future with anyone until I laid eyes

0:04:22.288 --> 0:04:27.448
<v Speaker 2>on Luke. It was this instant connection like I had

0:04:27.488 --> 0:04:29.728
<v Speaker 2>never felt before, and I was like, wow, this is

0:04:29.768 --> 0:04:32.088
<v Speaker 2>what they describe in the movie. Is that feeling when

0:04:32.128 --> 0:04:35.128
<v Speaker 2>you just know? And people used to say when you know,

0:04:35.207 --> 0:04:37.687
<v Speaker 2>you know, and I was like, whatever I did. I

0:04:37.727 --> 0:04:39.047
<v Speaker 2>looked at him and I was like, oh my gosh,

0:04:39.128 --> 0:04:42.767
<v Speaker 2>this guy's an absolute angel. So it was at my house.

0:04:43.727 --> 0:04:45.368
<v Speaker 2>They say that don't come knocking on your door, but

0:04:45.448 --> 0:04:49.927
<v Speaker 2>apparently they no. I was having a bit of a

0:04:49.967 --> 0:04:52.767
<v Speaker 2>party at my house, just a few people around, and

0:04:52.847 --> 0:04:55.008
<v Speaker 2>one of my friends had advised Luke to come over

0:04:55.448 --> 0:04:57.728
<v Speaker 2>and he just randomly rocked up. I just saw him

0:04:57.727 --> 0:04:59.847
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, Oh my god, who is this guy?

0:05:00.408 --> 0:05:02.728
<v Speaker 2>And we started talking, and I didn't really think much

0:05:02.768 --> 0:05:07.168
<v Speaker 2>of it. But from there I just suddenly saw him

0:05:07.207 --> 0:05:10.088
<v Speaker 2>everywhere at my local cafe, or turn of around and

0:05:10.128 --> 0:05:12.008
<v Speaker 2>he's at the local Ida shop.

0:05:12.048 --> 0:05:13.167
<v Speaker 3>I'll turn around and he's there.

0:05:13.648 --> 0:05:16.848
<v Speaker 2>Just randomly, all the time, I'd see this guy, and

0:05:17.727 --> 0:05:19.568
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I can be a bit woo woo, and I

0:05:19.568 --> 0:05:21.408
<v Speaker 2>can be a bit like, oh, it's a sign. And

0:05:21.448 --> 0:05:22.808
<v Speaker 2>I took that as a sign, and I was like,

0:05:22.847 --> 0:05:26.088
<v Speaker 2>maybe this guy's meant to be in my life. He

0:05:26.327 --> 0:05:30.367
<v Speaker 2>ended up finding me on Instagram and messaging me and saying,

0:05:30.448 --> 0:05:32.527
<v Speaker 2>why don't you stop stalking me and just let me

0:05:32.568 --> 0:05:34.808
<v Speaker 2>take you out for a date. And I was like okay.

0:05:37.248 --> 0:05:40.527
<v Speaker 2>I was like, that's so cheeky, like charming, and I

0:05:40.568 --> 0:05:42.488
<v Speaker 2>was like, okay, you win, Let's go on a date.

0:05:43.207 --> 0:05:45.448
<v Speaker 2>So we went on a date, and literally from that

0:05:45.488 --> 0:05:48.088
<v Speaker 2>first date we were inseparable.

0:05:48.727 --> 0:05:51.688
<v Speaker 3>I thought he was the hardest thing I've ever seen.

0:05:52.688 --> 0:05:55.888
<v Speaker 2>He was like this bad boy image but had like

0:05:55.928 --> 0:06:00.288
<v Speaker 2>a golden retriever personality. He looked like he'd be naughty,

0:06:00.368 --> 0:06:04.328
<v Speaker 2>he looked like you'd driver Harley, but then he also

0:06:04.488 --> 0:06:07.647
<v Speaker 2>had this beautiful soft interior. He had these big puppy eyes,

0:06:07.688 --> 0:06:10.608
<v Speaker 2>and I just fell in love with He was really charming.

0:06:10.648 --> 0:06:13.687
<v Speaker 3>He got me. It felt like he just understood me.

0:06:14.327 --> 0:06:17.647
<v Speaker 2>If I would say I was having a bad endo

0:06:17.768 --> 0:06:20.208
<v Speaker 2>flare up, he would drop a hot wadi ball at

0:06:20.207 --> 0:06:22.847
<v Speaker 2>my door. I'd go out for dinner with my girlfriends

0:06:23.448 --> 0:06:25.648
<v Speaker 2>and he'd bring up the restaurant and pay for my dinners.

0:06:26.408 --> 0:06:29.048
<v Speaker 2>He would do all these beautiful things.

0:06:29.248 --> 0:06:29.648
<v Speaker 3>Randomly.

0:06:29.888 --> 0:06:31.728
<v Speaker 2>He'd call me at work and I'd like, oh gosh,

0:06:32.327 --> 0:06:34.487
<v Speaker 2>we're just talking that. Me and my girlfriend we were

0:06:34.727 --> 0:06:37.448
<v Speaker 2>saying how much we were craving cheeseburgers. Next minute, Uber

0:06:37.448 --> 0:06:41.488
<v Speaker 2>Eats comes with cheeseburgers. He was just perfect. My first

0:06:41.568 --> 0:06:45.408
<v Speaker 2>husband was so emotionally absent and was never available and

0:06:45.488 --> 0:06:48.248
<v Speaker 2>was never there. So when I was getting this from

0:06:48.888 --> 0:06:51.648
<v Speaker 2>a guy, I'd never had it and it was all

0:06:51.648 --> 0:06:53.728
<v Speaker 2>I ever wanted before my first husband. So I just

0:06:54.128 --> 0:06:56.048
<v Speaker 2>literally lapped it up. I was like, Wow, this is

0:06:56.087 --> 0:06:59.168
<v Speaker 2>all I ever wanted. He was a little bit younger

0:06:59.207 --> 0:07:02.008
<v Speaker 2>than I was, about two years younger. He didn't have

0:07:02.048 --> 0:07:05.928
<v Speaker 2>any children, he didn't have a relationship with his mother.

0:07:06.688 --> 0:07:09.407
<v Speaker 2>I think that that is something that he when he

0:07:09.448 --> 0:07:11.808
<v Speaker 2>saw me being that mum roll. When he was introduced

0:07:11.808 --> 0:07:13.368
<v Speaker 2>to the girls. It was kind of like he did

0:07:14.088 --> 0:07:17.168
<v Speaker 2>like that side of me. It was an attractive side

0:07:17.328 --> 0:07:19.927
<v Speaker 2>that he enjoyed of me. He's used to say to

0:07:20.128 --> 0:07:23.167
<v Speaker 2>me that he always envisioned himself with a person that

0:07:23.248 --> 0:07:26.808
<v Speaker 2>had children. He never really wanted them or had an

0:07:26.928 --> 0:07:30.848
<v Speaker 2>earning for them. So he said, I never envisioned myself

0:07:30.888 --> 0:07:33.288
<v Speaker 2>to have children of my own. I always thought I

0:07:33.328 --> 0:07:37.248
<v Speaker 2>would have step children. So he was fine with the

0:07:37.248 --> 0:07:40.488
<v Speaker 2>fact that I had two girls. I was really cautious

0:07:40.488 --> 0:07:44.368
<v Speaker 2>about inviting anyone into my children's lives, so I would

0:07:44.408 --> 0:07:46.367
<v Speaker 2>only see him when the girls were with their father,

0:07:47.448 --> 0:07:50.367
<v Speaker 2>so that was every second weekend, but every second weekend

0:07:50.568 --> 0:07:54.448
<v Speaker 2>we were joined at the hips. It was probably about

0:07:54.607 --> 0:07:58.448
<v Speaker 2>five months into relationship when I thought, Okay, I see

0:07:58.448 --> 0:08:02.247
<v Speaker 2>a future of this guy. He's shown me great qualities,

0:08:02.607 --> 0:08:06.368
<v Speaker 2>he's patient. I will introduce him to the girls. The

0:08:06.368 --> 0:08:08.927
<v Speaker 2>break up wasn't great with my first husband, and I

0:08:08.968 --> 0:08:11.968
<v Speaker 2>would get quite nasty and aggressive emails now and again,

0:08:12.248 --> 0:08:14.328
<v Speaker 2>and I was telling Luke that I had another one,

0:08:14.528 --> 0:08:17.768
<v Speaker 2>and Luke knew where my ex husband went to the gym.

0:08:18.208 --> 0:08:20.887
<v Speaker 2>So Luke went to the gym when my ex husband

0:08:20.888 --> 0:08:22.928
<v Speaker 2>would be there, knowing that he would be there at

0:08:22.928 --> 0:08:26.288
<v Speaker 2>that time to confront him, and he said, look, I'm

0:08:26.288 --> 0:08:29.648
<v Speaker 2>with Madison now. If you write her any more emails,

0:08:30.288 --> 0:08:32.368
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to be who you need to speak to.

0:08:32.808 --> 0:08:36.088
<v Speaker 2>I have her back now, so you can basically piss off.

0:08:36.648 --> 0:08:38.767
<v Speaker 2>And to me, I was like, oh my gosh, I've

0:08:38.768 --> 0:08:40.528
<v Speaker 2>never had a man stand up for me or have

0:08:40.607 --> 0:08:43.048
<v Speaker 2>my back like that, Like this guy's got me. This

0:08:43.128 --> 0:08:47.208
<v Speaker 2>guy's protecting me like I've never been protected before. So

0:08:47.288 --> 0:08:49.008
<v Speaker 2>that was another reason why I kind of was like,

0:08:49.528 --> 0:08:51.448
<v Speaker 2>this guy is someone who I went in my life forever.

0:08:51.808 --> 0:08:53.568
<v Speaker 2>He's showing me all the traits that I want in

0:08:53.608 --> 0:08:55.928
<v Speaker 2>a partner and that he would be someone that I

0:08:55.968 --> 0:08:57.848
<v Speaker 2>would want to invite into their lives.

0:08:58.248 --> 0:08:59.208
<v Speaker 3>I just wanted that.

0:08:59.208 --> 0:09:02.727
<v Speaker 2>Picture perfect family, and especially for my girls. They didn't

0:09:02.728 --> 0:09:06.128
<v Speaker 2>deserve to have a broken family, and I wanted to

0:09:06.168 --> 0:09:09.088
<v Speaker 2>have that family unit for them. I wanted to go

0:09:09.168 --> 0:09:11.888
<v Speaker 2>on family hall, I wanted to go to family barbecues.

0:09:12.328 --> 0:09:15.208
<v Speaker 2>I wanted them to have that father figure at home

0:09:15.248 --> 0:09:17.888
<v Speaker 2>for them, and it just wasn't the three of us.

0:09:18.368 --> 0:09:21.848
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I really did want to have a family

0:09:21.928 --> 0:09:22.568
<v Speaker 2>again for them.

0:09:23.008 --> 0:09:26.248
<v Speaker 1>So the time came, Madison's girls were six and eight,

0:09:26.528 --> 0:09:29.128
<v Speaker 1>and had never met a parent's partner before. She had

0:09:29.288 --> 0:09:30.648
<v Speaker 1>no idea how it would go.

0:09:31.288 --> 0:09:32.648
<v Speaker 3>Kind of was a big do, to be honest.

0:09:32.728 --> 0:09:35.248
<v Speaker 2>So my mom and dad, who were quite involved in

0:09:35.288 --> 0:09:38.648
<v Speaker 2>my life, they're huge in my children's lives as well,

0:09:38.728 --> 0:09:42.048
<v Speaker 2>so we were really tight family. It was a public holiday,

0:09:42.048 --> 0:09:44.408
<v Speaker 2>and I remember we all had the day off and

0:09:44.488 --> 0:09:47.128
<v Speaker 2>my sister and her husband her two children also came

0:09:47.168 --> 0:09:49.928
<v Speaker 2>and we went to a Lama farm and we had

0:09:49.928 --> 0:09:54.528
<v Speaker 2>this big picnic and we drove there and my youngest

0:09:54.608 --> 0:09:57.648
<v Speaker 2>was actually cassick in the way there and we had

0:09:57.688 --> 0:10:01.368
<v Speaker 2>to pull over and Luke ran across the road to

0:10:01.448 --> 0:10:03.888
<v Speaker 2>the petrol station to go get her a bottle of

0:10:03.928 --> 0:10:06.848
<v Speaker 2>water to go get her a bucket and some wet

0:10:06.848 --> 0:10:09.968
<v Speaker 2>wives and was looking after her as I was by

0:10:10.008 --> 0:10:11.488
<v Speaker 2>the side of the road as well with her. But

0:10:11.568 --> 0:10:13.808
<v Speaker 2>the way he just took control, pulled the car over,

0:10:14.288 --> 0:10:16.528
<v Speaker 2>ran and got all this stuff for her, and I

0:10:16.528 --> 0:10:18.648
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh my gosh, this is so sweet. Then

0:10:18.688 --> 0:10:22.248
<v Speaker 2>we got to the Lama farm and I remember always

0:10:22.248 --> 0:10:24.248
<v Speaker 2>thinking in my head that my youngest is probably going

0:10:24.328 --> 0:10:27.048
<v Speaker 2>to be the hardest one to crack. And there was

0:10:27.048 --> 0:10:29.368
<v Speaker 2>a moment at the Lama farm we were all together,

0:10:30.248 --> 0:10:32.728
<v Speaker 2>and Luke had to go back to the car to

0:10:32.768 --> 0:10:36.288
<v Speaker 2>get something, and my youngest went, I'll go with you,

0:10:36.488 --> 0:10:38.368
<v Speaker 2>and they started to walk off, and she grabbed his

0:10:38.448 --> 0:10:41.688
<v Speaker 2>hand and they walked off together, hand in hand, and

0:10:41.808 --> 0:10:45.448
<v Speaker 2>I remember just looking at my mom and we both

0:10:45.488 --> 0:10:48.808
<v Speaker 2>had tears in our eyes. He would show up for

0:10:48.848 --> 0:10:52.128
<v Speaker 2>them was unbelievable. He would turn up to their netball games,

0:10:52.288 --> 0:10:55.488
<v Speaker 2>cheering them. On some days during the school holidays, I'd

0:10:55.568 --> 0:10:57.128
<v Speaker 2>have to go to work and he was like, don't worry, baby,

0:10:57.128 --> 0:10:58.088
<v Speaker 2>I'll work from home today.

0:10:58.128 --> 0:10:59.888
<v Speaker 3>I've got the girls. You go to work.

0:11:00.408 --> 0:11:03.728
<v Speaker 2>Just little things. I remember it was my eldest tenth birthday.

0:11:04.488 --> 0:11:06.688
<v Speaker 2>I said, do I want to do something special? And

0:11:06.888 --> 0:11:08.528
<v Speaker 2>he was like, what do you want to do? And

0:11:09.008 --> 0:11:11.568
<v Speaker 2>I went to work. When I got home, he had

0:11:11.688 --> 0:11:17.408
<v Speaker 2>hand built a tpee bed around her bed, put fairy

0:11:17.488 --> 0:11:21.088
<v Speaker 2>lights all in her room, made this sign happy Birthday,

0:11:21.688 --> 0:11:24.648
<v Speaker 2>and this room was incredible. It was like a tent

0:11:24.808 --> 0:11:27.408
<v Speaker 2>that he built while we were working at school. And

0:11:27.448 --> 0:11:29.848
<v Speaker 2>she came home to this massive surprise that I even

0:11:29.848 --> 0:11:31.888
<v Speaker 2>didn't have any idea about, and I just burst into

0:11:31.888 --> 0:11:33.688
<v Speaker 2>tears on my sword. I was like, oh my goodness,

0:11:33.928 --> 0:11:36.648
<v Speaker 2>you spent all day and all your money to put

0:11:36.688 --> 0:11:38.328
<v Speaker 2>together this beautiful surprise.

0:11:39.128 --> 0:11:40.168
<v Speaker 3>They just adored him.

0:11:40.608 --> 0:11:44.768
<v Speaker 2>He couldn't have been a better step parent to my children.

0:11:45.488 --> 0:11:48.048
<v Speaker 2>The way I saw him with my girls and the

0:11:48.048 --> 0:11:51.248
<v Speaker 2>way that they looked at him, it just made me

0:11:51.248 --> 0:11:54.008
<v Speaker 2>fall in love with him so much. The love I

0:11:54.088 --> 0:11:56.888
<v Speaker 2>had for him was just so much stronger, because you're

0:11:56.928 --> 0:11:58.488
<v Speaker 2>not just going to take on me, but you're taking

0:11:58.488 --> 0:12:00.568
<v Speaker 2>on two little ones like I come into the package

0:12:00.608 --> 0:12:03.928
<v Speaker 2>deal and if someone can do that, then I just

0:12:03.968 --> 0:12:07.048
<v Speaker 2>have so much respect for them. And he just treated

0:12:07.088 --> 0:12:10.208
<v Speaker 2>them so beautifully. Even as a partner. I couldn't have

0:12:10.248 --> 0:12:13.368
<v Speaker 2>faulted him. He was so attentive, so beautiful. He would

0:12:13.408 --> 0:12:16.088
<v Speaker 2>go over to my mom's house and just drop over coffee. Randomly.

0:12:16.408 --> 0:12:18.008
<v Speaker 2>He would take my dad to the movies because he

0:12:18.088 --> 0:12:19.448
<v Speaker 2>knew that my dad wanted to see Top Gun and

0:12:19.488 --> 0:12:20.848
<v Speaker 2>no one wanted to go with him, so he'd be like,

0:12:20.888 --> 0:12:22.488
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to take your dad to gold class and

0:12:22.488 --> 0:12:26.288
<v Speaker 2>take him to the movies. He was just adored by

0:12:26.328 --> 0:12:30.568
<v Speaker 2>my parents, my friends, my kids. He was perfect. You

0:12:30.608 --> 0:12:33.328
<v Speaker 2>couldn't have written a better guy. He was picture perfect.

0:12:33.928 --> 0:12:35.487
<v Speaker 2>I had him on a pedestal. I couldn't have loved

0:12:35.528 --> 0:12:36.607
<v Speaker 2>that man anymore if I tried.

0:12:36.968 --> 0:12:39.368
<v Speaker 1>The next step, of course, was to move in together.

0:12:39.688 --> 0:12:43.208
<v Speaker 2>It was only six months into our relationship and his

0:12:43.368 --> 0:12:46.168
<v Speaker 2>lease was up and we were spending every night together.

0:12:46.248 --> 0:12:46.648
<v Speaker 3>Anyway.

0:12:47.248 --> 0:12:49.448
<v Speaker 2>I don't know who kind of brought up the idea,

0:12:49.568 --> 0:12:52.488
<v Speaker 2>but it was mentioned that he would move in, so

0:12:52.648 --> 0:12:56.568
<v Speaker 2>I agreed. But a week before he was supposed to

0:12:56.688 --> 0:13:00.848
<v Speaker 2>movie and I pulled the pin. I just started to think, no,

0:13:00.888 --> 0:13:02.448
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to get trapped again. I'd got a

0:13:02.448 --> 0:13:05.968
<v Speaker 2>bit scared. I got coffee. I said no, actually, you

0:13:06.048 --> 0:13:10.928
<v Speaker 2>can't move in. Two weeks later he just would be like, yeah, cool, okay,

0:13:10.968 --> 0:13:12.888
<v Speaker 2>oh no, that's fine. If you don't like, if you're

0:13:12.888 --> 0:13:15.088
<v Speaker 2>not ready, that's fine. And then two weeks I was like, no,

0:13:15.088 --> 0:13:16.928
<v Speaker 2>I'm ready. He's like, okay, I'm packing my stuff again.

0:13:17.808 --> 0:13:21.128
<v Speaker 2>Moving in felt so normal, nothing changed. He was so

0:13:21.168 --> 0:13:23.328
<v Speaker 2>easy to live with, The girls loved him. He was

0:13:23.328 --> 0:13:25.607
<v Speaker 2>there all the time anyway, so really like it was

0:13:25.648 --> 0:13:29.008
<v Speaker 2>just really no different, to be honest, but yeah, just

0:13:29.128 --> 0:13:33.208
<v Speaker 2>seamlessly nothing went wrong at all. Everything was completely fine.

0:13:33.208 --> 0:13:35.128
<v Speaker 2>He would sometimes see the school drop offs for me,

0:13:35.208 --> 0:13:38.408
<v Speaker 2>sometimes the school pickups for me. Our little triangle of

0:13:38.448 --> 0:13:40.608
<v Speaker 2>me and the two girls just turned into a square

0:13:40.688 --> 0:13:44.408
<v Speaker 2>so perfectly. It just worked so well. We never had

0:13:44.448 --> 0:13:49.768
<v Speaker 2>disagreements on anything. We actually never fought. We never had disagreements.

0:13:49.808 --> 0:13:53.328
<v Speaker 2>We were always laughing and carrying on and being goofy,

0:13:53.368 --> 0:13:56.208
<v Speaker 2>and we'd go out to parties and people would be like,

0:13:56.248 --> 0:13:58.888
<v Speaker 2>you guys, a couple goals like you two just get

0:13:58.928 --> 0:14:03.608
<v Speaker 2>along so well. He made the boring life tasks fun,

0:14:03.728 --> 0:14:06.048
<v Speaker 2>like grocery shopping with him was fun, like walking the

0:14:06.048 --> 0:14:09.288
<v Speaker 2>dogs was fun because we were so we're just best

0:14:09.288 --> 0:14:12.528
<v Speaker 2>friends and we loved each other's company that it was

0:14:12.608 --> 0:14:13.768
<v Speaker 2>never a boring moment.

0:14:13.888 --> 0:14:14.808
<v Speaker 3>Everything was fun.

0:14:15.928 --> 0:14:18.688
<v Speaker 1>We know what would usually come next. But Madison was

0:14:18.728 --> 0:14:21.448
<v Speaker 1>staunch on the fact she didn't want to get married again.

0:14:21.688 --> 0:14:24.328
<v Speaker 2>It was October twenty twenty one and we were on

0:14:24.408 --> 0:14:30.928
<v Speaker 2>a holiday in Queensland and he proposed to me. I

0:14:30.968 --> 0:14:34.168
<v Speaker 2>was a little taken aback, and because I had this

0:14:34.208 --> 0:14:37.528
<v Speaker 2>big fear of having a found marriage, I was like

0:14:38.528 --> 0:14:40.768
<v Speaker 2>a little hesitant. But then I thought, no, this Ben

0:14:41.008 --> 0:14:43.368
<v Speaker 2>is so perfect. There's absolutely no way I shouldn't be

0:14:43.408 --> 0:14:47.408
<v Speaker 2>marrying this man. So of course I said yes. He

0:14:47.528 --> 0:14:50.848
<v Speaker 2>knew my biggest fear was having another fouled marriage. That

0:14:51.008 --> 0:14:55.648
<v Speaker 2>was quite vocal. I would always stay like, I'm so

0:14:55.728 --> 0:14:57.488
<v Speaker 2>scared of this happening again. I just don't think I

0:14:57.528 --> 0:15:01.288
<v Speaker 2>could live through like another failed marriage. I'm not even forty.

0:15:01.328 --> 0:15:06.128
<v Speaker 2>Imagine having another fouded marriage, the humiliation and the feeling

0:15:06.128 --> 0:15:07.848
<v Speaker 2>of failure. I just wouldn't be able to cope with

0:15:07.848 --> 0:15:11.168
<v Speaker 2>that again. He just alay reassured me. I just never

0:15:11.208 --> 0:15:13.328
<v Speaker 2>really felt like there was going to be an issue there,

0:15:13.808 --> 0:15:18.168
<v Speaker 2>our communication, our trust. I couldn't have faulted any of it.

0:15:18.248 --> 0:15:21.808
<v Speaker 2>There was nothing lacking for me to ever second guess it.

0:15:22.648 --> 0:15:25.568
<v Speaker 2>We were so in love, like so in love that

0:15:26.328 --> 0:15:28.168
<v Speaker 2>if he probably said, like, there's a chuffle down the rod,

0:15:28.248 --> 0:15:29.648
<v Speaker 2>let's get married up, I would have been like, yeah,

0:15:29.648 --> 0:15:33.088
<v Speaker 2>okay at that time because of just how persulted I

0:15:33.288 --> 0:15:36.168
<v Speaker 2>was that it kind of took away that fear being

0:15:36.168 --> 0:15:38.688
<v Speaker 2>with him, took away the fear of it failing, because

0:15:39.128 --> 0:15:42.688
<v Speaker 2>he was so perfect that he didn't give me any

0:15:42.728 --> 0:15:45.488
<v Speaker 2>reason to everything that that wasn't going to be forever.

0:15:45.568 --> 0:15:50.648
<v Speaker 2>After behind that proposal, I felt safe. I felt secure

0:15:50.768 --> 0:15:53.928
<v Speaker 2>in this relationship. I didn't have any doubts. I was like,

0:15:54.048 --> 0:15:56.488
<v Speaker 2>this is my one, this is the one that I

0:15:56.528 --> 0:15:58.808
<v Speaker 2>was supposed to be with from the start, but just

0:15:58.888 --> 0:16:03.208
<v Speaker 2>came later in life. So I had money from the

0:16:03.248 --> 0:16:06.208
<v Speaker 2>sale of my first house from my first marriage, so

0:16:06.248 --> 0:16:08.448
<v Speaker 2>I had quite a lump sum to put a deposit

0:16:08.488 --> 0:16:11.248
<v Speaker 2>on a house. Came with nothing but a suitcase.

0:16:11.448 --> 0:16:12.168
<v Speaker 3>But I didn't care.

0:16:12.288 --> 0:16:14.448
<v Speaker 2>That honestly didn't mean anything to me. I just loved

0:16:14.528 --> 0:16:16.768
<v Speaker 2>him so much. He could have been homeless for all

0:16:16.768 --> 0:16:20.168
<v Speaker 2>I cared. I really didn't. So I wanted to have

0:16:20.328 --> 0:16:23.648
<v Speaker 2>our family a house. I wanted to have that beautiful

0:16:23.648 --> 0:16:27.248
<v Speaker 2>family unit. So I bought a house for us and

0:16:27.328 --> 0:16:31.248
<v Speaker 2>put his name on it as well as mine. So

0:16:31.448 --> 0:16:33.768
<v Speaker 2>we went through that process of buying a house, and

0:16:33.848 --> 0:16:36.128
<v Speaker 2>in that time, a few months later was our wedding.

0:16:37.128 --> 0:16:40.808
<v Speaker 2>He said vowels and gave my two children promise rings,

0:16:41.288 --> 0:16:45.648
<v Speaker 2>and that brocked me. So the vows basically were was

0:16:45.728 --> 0:16:47.528
<v Speaker 2>to be there for the children for the rest of

0:16:47.528 --> 0:16:50.568
<v Speaker 2>their lives, that he loved them, that he's always going

0:16:50.608 --> 0:16:54.968
<v Speaker 2>to love their mum and them equally, and it was

0:16:55.048 --> 0:16:58.528
<v Speaker 2>just the most beautiful moment. The night before our wedding,

0:16:59.368 --> 0:17:02.048
<v Speaker 2>we had an airbnb there where I would be getting

0:17:02.088 --> 0:17:04.807
<v Speaker 2>ready the morning of the wedding, so we stayed there

0:17:04.848 --> 0:17:07.048
<v Speaker 2>together the night before, just the two of us, and

0:17:07.167 --> 0:17:10.407
<v Speaker 2>I remember he was just out on the chair because

0:17:10.407 --> 0:17:12.368
<v Speaker 2>we were at the water and he just was on

0:17:12.447 --> 0:17:15.288
<v Speaker 2>his phone all night and I was like, are you okay,

0:17:15.288 --> 0:17:18.008
<v Speaker 2>and he's like, yeah, no, I'm just kind of processing everything.

0:17:18.088 --> 0:17:19.648
<v Speaker 2>And I kind of feel a bit sad that I

0:17:19.688 --> 0:17:22.447
<v Speaker 2>don't have any family that will be attending the wedding tomorrow.

0:17:23.008 --> 0:17:24.768
<v Speaker 2>And I said, okay, fair enough, and he's like, I'm

0:17:24.768 --> 0:17:26.688
<v Speaker 2>just going to take some time. So I didn't press it.

0:17:26.768 --> 0:17:29.128
<v Speaker 2>I'd just let him be and I just thought, Okay,

0:17:29.288 --> 0:17:32.168
<v Speaker 2>he's just processing this is a huge moment for both

0:17:32.168 --> 0:17:36.728
<v Speaker 2>of us tomorrow, and he doesn't have family coming or relatives.

0:17:37.368 --> 0:17:40.007
<v Speaker 2>He didn't have a good relationship with his mum. His

0:17:40.128 --> 0:17:43.808
<v Speaker 2>mom was an alcoholic and was abusive, so he left

0:17:43.888 --> 0:17:46.648
<v Speaker 2>her when he was twelve to go find his father

0:17:46.728 --> 0:17:50.167
<v Speaker 2>who lived in Queensland. And his father was a drug

0:17:50.248 --> 0:17:53.688
<v Speaker 2>user and addict, and he would steal money to feed himself.

0:17:54.408 --> 0:17:55.888
<v Speaker 2>And I used to say to him all the time,

0:17:56.008 --> 0:17:58.328
<v Speaker 2>I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of the

0:17:58.328 --> 0:18:01.688
<v Speaker 2>person that you are. You could have ended up either

0:18:01.688 --> 0:18:04.168
<v Speaker 2>in jail or doing the same things as what your

0:18:04.208 --> 0:18:07.128
<v Speaker 2>parents are and look at you. You're amazing. You've got

0:18:07.128 --> 0:18:10.728
<v Speaker 2>a beautiful family that love you, you have your head

0:18:10.768 --> 0:18:14.488
<v Speaker 2>screwed on. You're an amazing person. You have a career, you

0:18:14.528 --> 0:18:17.488
<v Speaker 2>have goals and you go get them like you're incredible.

0:18:17.528 --> 0:18:19.768
<v Speaker 2>You should be so proud of yourself. And I would

0:18:19.808 --> 0:18:22.247
<v Speaker 2>telling him all the time how proud I was of

0:18:22.328 --> 0:18:25.328
<v Speaker 2>him for getting through the life that he had gone through.

0:18:25.808 --> 0:18:26.208
<v Speaker 3>He did.

0:18:27.688 --> 0:18:29.888
<v Speaker 2>It was like a grandmar like figure to him. It

0:18:29.968 --> 0:18:33.848
<v Speaker 2>was his mother's boyfriend's parents when he was growing up,

0:18:33.888 --> 0:18:37.407
<v Speaker 2>so wasn't a biological relative who he still spoke to.

0:18:37.808 --> 0:18:42.128
<v Speaker 2>But during our relationship, he told me that he cut

0:18:42.168 --> 0:18:45.288
<v Speaker 2>her off because she disliked me because I was a

0:18:45.288 --> 0:18:48.088
<v Speaker 2>single mom and I was taking advantage of him. So

0:18:48.288 --> 0:18:50.648
<v Speaker 2>I got really hurt by that because I said, look,

0:18:50.848 --> 0:18:54.088
<v Speaker 2>this is the last sort of relative that you have.

0:18:54.248 --> 0:18:56.008
<v Speaker 2>I don't want you to cut her off because of me.

0:18:56.088 --> 0:18:59.248
<v Speaker 2>I can handle that. I didn't want to be responsible

0:18:59.328 --> 0:19:01.288
<v Speaker 2>for you losing that person.

0:19:00.968 --> 0:19:01.848
<v Speaker 3>In your life.

0:19:02.288 --> 0:19:04.088
<v Speaker 2>So he did speak to her now and again, but

0:19:04.168 --> 0:19:08.088
<v Speaker 2>it did really dwindle. I had a beautiful family and

0:19:08.128 --> 0:19:10.408
<v Speaker 2>I thought, wow, my family will love you the way

0:19:10.448 --> 0:19:12.568
<v Speaker 2>that you were meant to be loved. And we have

0:19:12.688 --> 0:19:14.608
<v Speaker 2>enough love to go around for everyone, so comeing to

0:19:14.728 --> 0:19:17.088
<v Speaker 2>our family. You don't need to worry about that anymore.

0:19:17.448 --> 0:19:19.248
<v Speaker 1>At the end of the day, they had each other.

0:19:19.568 --> 0:19:22.288
<v Speaker 1>They were each other's family, and while they had already

0:19:22.288 --> 0:19:24.528
<v Speaker 1>been for two years, now it was official.

0:19:24.848 --> 0:19:27.528
<v Speaker 3>The first year in marriage was strange.

0:19:28.168 --> 0:19:31.288
<v Speaker 2>He was working a lot, and he would say that

0:19:31.408 --> 0:19:34.568
<v Speaker 2>he was working a lot for our family, so I

0:19:34.568 --> 0:19:36.888
<v Speaker 2>didn't question it. I was like, Okay, that's beautiful, but

0:19:37.328 --> 0:19:41.968
<v Speaker 2>we never really saw any of that value, any money

0:19:42.088 --> 0:19:45.808
<v Speaker 2>or anything like that. He began to work his normal

0:19:46.048 --> 0:19:48.328
<v Speaker 2>full time job, and then on the two days that

0:19:48.368 --> 0:19:50.568
<v Speaker 2>he would have off, he would do cash work for

0:19:50.608 --> 0:19:53.648
<v Speaker 2>his friends. So he was working seven days a week,

0:19:53.848 --> 0:19:57.008
<v Speaker 2>so I barely saw him. He was at home at night.

0:19:57.328 --> 0:19:58.848
<v Speaker 2>He had a job in sale, so he was always

0:19:58.888 --> 0:20:01.328
<v Speaker 2>on his phone. And I was going through a little

0:20:01.328 --> 0:20:04.407
<v Speaker 2>bit of stress with my eldest daughter at school as well,

0:20:04.608 --> 0:20:07.207
<v Speaker 2>so I was probably a little bit preoccupied with getting

0:20:07.248 --> 0:20:10.848
<v Speaker 2>her sorted at school. So I think we both kind

0:20:10.888 --> 0:20:15.167
<v Speaker 2>of were busy and we kind of drifted away a

0:20:15.208 --> 0:20:17.928
<v Speaker 2>little bit. But I thought our roots are so connected,

0:20:17.968 --> 0:20:20.048
<v Speaker 2>we're so in love, that this is just one of

0:20:20.088 --> 0:20:22.088
<v Speaker 2>those marriage or bumps that you know you go through.

0:20:22.208 --> 0:20:24.728
<v Speaker 2>And I used to say to him, things are really

0:20:24.768 --> 0:20:27.487
<v Speaker 2>hard at the minute with like my eldest and all

0:20:27.488 --> 0:20:28.968
<v Speaker 2>the rest of it. But as long as I got you,

0:20:29.208 --> 0:20:32.128
<v Speaker 2>I know that everything's okay. And I remember to say

0:20:32.168 --> 0:20:33.927
<v Speaker 2>that to him all the time, and that would be

0:20:34.008 --> 0:20:34.688
<v Speaker 2>my way of thinking.

0:20:34.728 --> 0:20:36.447
<v Speaker 3>I was like, Okay, I can get through this. I

0:20:36.488 --> 0:20:37.008
<v Speaker 3>have Luke.

0:20:37.448 --> 0:20:39.248
<v Speaker 2>Luke and I are so solid and we can get

0:20:39.248 --> 0:20:43.248
<v Speaker 2>through anything together, So this little bump will soon pass

0:20:43.448 --> 0:20:47.208
<v Speaker 2>and we'll be fine. So a relationship at such never

0:20:47.288 --> 0:20:50.167
<v Speaker 2>really had issues, Like we never fought or anything, but

0:20:50.248 --> 0:20:52.248
<v Speaker 2>it was like kind of like the external factors of

0:20:52.328 --> 0:20:54.368
<v Speaker 2>life that was just getting us kind of like down

0:20:54.408 --> 0:20:56.407
<v Speaker 2>a little bit. But we had each other all the time,

0:20:56.688 --> 0:20:58.927
<v Speaker 2>and with the less time that we spent together, like

0:20:59.128 --> 0:21:01.728
<v Speaker 2>I really didn't like not having him around all the

0:21:01.728 --> 0:21:04.488
<v Speaker 2>time because I loved his company and whenever I was

0:21:04.528 --> 0:21:08.487
<v Speaker 2>with him, I felt this instant boost of happiness.

0:21:08.688 --> 0:21:11.167
<v Speaker 3>He was like my of dopamine.

0:21:11.408 --> 0:21:14.167
<v Speaker 2>We still went on our little holidays away together. We

0:21:14.168 --> 0:21:16.288
<v Speaker 2>were still doing our dinner nights and things like that.

0:21:16.368 --> 0:21:19.328
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I think life was just so busy. That's

0:21:19.368 --> 0:21:21.648
<v Speaker 2>the thing. Like we still had this mental love for

0:21:21.648 --> 0:21:23.568
<v Speaker 2>each other and still wanted to be with each other,

0:21:23.608 --> 0:21:25.808
<v Speaker 2>take the dogs for walks, and our little things that

0:21:25.808 --> 0:21:28.688
<v Speaker 2>we did together were still there, but we were just busy.

0:21:28.968 --> 0:21:32.768
<v Speaker 2>Life was really busy. He was working away, and it

0:21:32.808 --> 0:21:37.048
<v Speaker 2>came up to our first anniversary. So we were saying,

0:21:37.248 --> 0:21:39.368
<v Speaker 2>what should we do for this anniversary, like gift wise,

0:21:39.408 --> 0:21:42.048
<v Speaker 2>let's do something different, something a bit weird. Let's do

0:21:42.088 --> 0:21:44.288
<v Speaker 2>something a little bit that not everyone else would do.

0:21:44.328 --> 0:21:48.207
<v Speaker 2>So we decided to get tattoos matching tattoos. It was

0:21:48.288 --> 0:21:50.648
<v Speaker 2>half a heart. I had one, half he had the other.

0:21:51.368 --> 0:21:54.967
<v Speaker 2>It had the restaurant name, the restaurant name where he proposed.

0:21:55.568 --> 0:21:58.208
<v Speaker 2>So we were getting these tattoos together. And the night

0:21:58.248 --> 0:22:00.688
<v Speaker 2>before that he called me when he was away still

0:22:00.728 --> 0:22:03.328
<v Speaker 2>and he was acting a little bit strange, and I

0:22:03.408 --> 0:22:04.848
<v Speaker 2>just kind of didn't really think much of it. He

0:22:04.888 --> 0:22:06.848
<v Speaker 2>was going out to have drinks with the boys they

0:22:06.928 --> 0:22:08.928
<v Speaker 2>just knocked off from the job, and I was like, awesome,

0:22:09.168 --> 0:22:11.808
<v Speaker 2>you've worked so hard, go have drinks or see you tomorrow,

0:22:12.608 --> 0:22:15.168
<v Speaker 2>And that's what happened. He came home the next day

0:22:15.288 --> 0:22:17.008
<v Speaker 2>we went to go get our tattoo study and was

0:22:17.048 --> 0:22:20.248
<v Speaker 2>acting super sheepish, really weird. He wouldn't look at me

0:22:20.248 --> 0:22:23.328
<v Speaker 2>in the eye. He was just being odd, and I

0:22:23.368 --> 0:22:25.008
<v Speaker 2>just put it down to the fact that he was hungover.

0:22:25.888 --> 0:22:28.048
<v Speaker 2>He wasn't someone that often had a boy's night and

0:22:28.088 --> 0:22:29.768
<v Speaker 2>would leave to go out with the boys. So I

0:22:29.768 --> 0:22:31.888
<v Speaker 2>actually encouraged him to do that that night. I was like,

0:22:31.928 --> 0:22:35.487
<v Speaker 2>go out with the boys, let your hair down. I

0:22:35.528 --> 0:22:38.328
<v Speaker 2>just thought, you know, you're hungover, you're tired, you're probably

0:22:38.328 --> 0:22:41.368
<v Speaker 2>just feeling like shit today, and that's fine. So we

0:22:41.408 --> 0:22:44.688
<v Speaker 2>went and got these tattoos done, and then the next

0:22:44.768 --> 0:22:48.368
<v Speaker 2>day I had a girlfriend's fortieth so I went away

0:22:48.848 --> 0:22:52.928
<v Speaker 2>on a girl's weekend with our girlfriends. The next morning,

0:22:53.328 --> 0:22:55.368
<v Speaker 2>I was at a cafe with one of my best

0:22:55.368 --> 0:22:58.008
<v Speaker 2>friends having breakfast. We were driving home from where we

0:22:58.008 --> 0:23:01.528
<v Speaker 2>were at the fortieth and I got a DM message

0:23:01.568 --> 0:23:03.928
<v Speaker 2>from a random girl and it was one of those

0:23:04.008 --> 0:23:07.528
<v Speaker 2>hey girls, and you know that message isn't going to

0:23:07.608 --> 0:23:10.728
<v Speaker 2>follow through with anything good. And she's like just saying,

0:23:10.728 --> 0:23:14.808
<v Speaker 2>you know your husband's got Tinder. Not one percent of

0:23:14.848 --> 0:23:16.368
<v Speaker 2>me believed. I was like, oh my god, Babe.

0:23:16.408 --> 0:23:16.848
<v Speaker 3>I called him.

0:23:16.888 --> 0:23:19.328
<v Speaker 2>I was like, Babe, there's a fake Tinder profile of you.

0:23:20.168 --> 0:23:21.968
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, this girl just messaged me saying

0:23:21.968 --> 0:23:23.808
<v Speaker 2>that she was speaking to you on Tinder and you've

0:23:23.808 --> 0:23:27.167
<v Speaker 2>got Tinder, and he just calmly and coolly, was like,

0:23:27.768 --> 0:23:29.328
<v Speaker 2>I'm just gonna have a shower, call you back in

0:23:29.368 --> 0:23:33.208
<v Speaker 2>a sec my pardon. So I sat there at this

0:23:33.328 --> 0:23:36.167
<v Speaker 2>cafe which seemed like forever before he called me back,

0:23:36.648 --> 0:23:38.568
<v Speaker 2>and he finally called me back and he goes, you, no,

0:23:38.648 --> 0:23:41.608
<v Speaker 2>it was me, and I just remember.

0:23:41.288 --> 0:23:42.248
<v Speaker 3>I was just shell shock.

0:23:42.848 --> 0:23:46.488
<v Speaker 2>It's like the world was spinning and I was just

0:23:46.528 --> 0:23:50.447
<v Speaker 2>standing there still, and I had to drive home for

0:23:50.488 --> 0:23:55.008
<v Speaker 2>about forty five minutes to get home, and I remember

0:23:55.048 --> 0:23:58.487
<v Speaker 2>I pulled over because the girls were at home and

0:23:58.568 --> 0:24:01.128
<v Speaker 2>he was at work, and I called my mom and

0:24:01.168 --> 0:24:05.088
<v Speaker 2>I just couldn't get the words out. I was hysterically

0:24:05.128 --> 0:24:07.488
<v Speaker 2>crying to my mum and she's like, what is wrong?

0:24:08.288 --> 0:24:12.167
<v Speaker 2>And I said Luke cheating on me and she was

0:24:12.248 --> 0:24:16.248
<v Speaker 2>like no, and I was like, yeah, he's just submitted

0:24:16.248 --> 0:24:19.968
<v Speaker 2>to it. And she came over and took the girls

0:24:20.128 --> 0:24:23.328
<v Speaker 2>back to her house. So I was there alone. When

0:24:23.408 --> 0:24:26.848
<v Speaker 2>Luke got home from work. He basically was like, yeah,

0:24:26.888 --> 0:24:29.128
<v Speaker 2>that was me, and I was like, are you kidding me?

0:24:29.408 --> 0:24:33.288
<v Speaker 2>You have a Tinder account? Actually, his excuse was, oh,

0:24:33.408 --> 0:24:36.168
<v Speaker 2>with the boys last night, they wanted to see if

0:24:36.168 --> 0:24:38.608
<v Speaker 2>the old boy still had it because he worked with

0:24:38.808 --> 0:24:42.528
<v Speaker 2>younger guys, so that was his excuse. He put it

0:24:42.568 --> 0:24:45.968
<v Speaker 2>on the other guys kind of like as a joke.

0:24:46.048 --> 0:24:48.208
<v Speaker 2>We did it, and I just looked at him. I

0:24:48.248 --> 0:24:50.368
<v Speaker 2>was like, how could you've ruin this? He used to

0:24:50.408 --> 0:24:51.927
<v Speaker 2>say to me all the time, what we have is

0:24:51.968 --> 0:24:54.568
<v Speaker 2>so perfect. No one else has what we have. He's like,

0:24:54.608 --> 0:24:56.967
<v Speaker 2>I look at my mate's relationships with their wives and

0:24:57.008 --> 0:24:59.648
<v Speaker 2>they don't have half of what we have. And I

0:24:59.688 --> 0:25:02.088
<v Speaker 2>was like, then you've just gone and ruined it. You've

0:25:02.128 --> 0:25:06.408
<v Speaker 2>got a Tinder account and ruined everything. And then that's

0:25:06.448 --> 0:25:08.088
<v Speaker 2>when he kind of broke down and said, all I

0:25:08.168 --> 0:25:10.848
<v Speaker 2>just feel so sad and I unappreciate. I needed someone

0:25:10.888 --> 0:25:12.888
<v Speaker 2>to vent too, and I needed to talk to a

0:25:12.928 --> 0:25:16.008
<v Speaker 2>stranger about how I was feeling. I'm so but you

0:25:16.048 --> 0:25:17.288
<v Speaker 2>don't get Tinder for a penpal.

0:25:17.928 --> 0:25:18.768
<v Speaker 3>I'm not that dumb.

0:25:19.688 --> 0:25:21.888
<v Speaker 2>I said, well, I need you to get out because

0:25:22.608 --> 0:25:25.407
<v Speaker 2>you know how I feel about cheating because I have

0:25:25.488 --> 0:25:28.128
<v Speaker 2>been cheated on in every relationship I've ever had, and

0:25:28.168 --> 0:25:31.528
<v Speaker 2>he's known that, so I have this huge thing about

0:25:31.608 --> 0:25:34.808
<v Speaker 2>cheating my first husband cheated on me every relationship I've

0:25:34.848 --> 0:25:37.608
<v Speaker 2>ever had, and I used to always say, like, I

0:25:37.648 --> 0:25:41.288
<v Speaker 2>feel like every male dangled the cart in front of

0:25:41.448 --> 0:25:44.008
<v Speaker 2>will cheat. And he was like, no, You've got to

0:25:44.048 --> 0:25:49.128
<v Speaker 2>stop thinking that way. So he did exactly what I

0:25:49.168 --> 0:25:52.768
<v Speaker 2>feared he would do, and I told him that he

0:25:52.808 --> 0:25:55.048
<v Speaker 2>had to leave because I couldn't look at him. He's

0:25:55.168 --> 0:25:57.968
<v Speaker 2>made me so disgusted and so angry that he could

0:25:58.008 --> 0:26:00.848
<v Speaker 2>do this to not just me, but his stepchildren, my girls.

0:26:01.568 --> 0:26:04.048
<v Speaker 2>And then he packed a bag and he went to

0:26:04.088 --> 0:26:07.048
<v Speaker 2>his mate's house for a few weeks. The weeks that

0:26:07.088 --> 0:26:08.928
<v Speaker 2>he was away, I didn't really hear much from him,

0:26:08.928 --> 0:26:10.648
<v Speaker 2>which I found a little bit strange.

0:26:10.648 --> 0:26:13.248
<v Speaker 3>He kind of just went really cold towards me. Yeah,

0:26:13.288 --> 0:26:14.368
<v Speaker 3>I felt abandoned.

0:26:14.608 --> 0:26:17.968
<v Speaker 2>I felt betrayed, and like, he's not even fighting for this.

0:26:19.008 --> 0:26:21.208
<v Speaker 2>I kind of was expecting he would be at least

0:26:21.328 --> 0:26:25.848
<v Speaker 2>groveling or apologetic or trying to speak to me and

0:26:25.928 --> 0:26:28.888
<v Speaker 2>try and fight for this, but it was just radio silence.

0:26:29.528 --> 0:26:32.328
<v Speaker 2>It just was a cold shoulder. I remember I reached

0:26:32.328 --> 0:26:34.528
<v Speaker 2>out to him, going, do you want to talk about

0:26:34.568 --> 0:26:36.848
<v Speaker 2>what's going on? And he goes, oh, I can give

0:26:36.888 --> 0:26:40.008
<v Speaker 2>you ten minutes so it was like I was fighting

0:26:40.168 --> 0:26:44.528
<v Speaker 2>for him even though he had done the betrayal to me.

0:26:45.928 --> 0:26:47.808
<v Speaker 2>He kind of just was brushing it off like it

0:26:47.848 --> 0:26:50.768
<v Speaker 2>wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't an issue, like

0:26:50.808 --> 0:26:53.528
<v Speaker 2>get over it. And the way he kind of just

0:26:53.568 --> 0:26:57.328
<v Speaker 2>dismissed it and made my feelings feel irrelevant, I kind

0:26:57.328 --> 0:26:59.328
<v Speaker 2>of thought, maybe I just need to shut up and

0:26:59.368 --> 0:27:03.048
<v Speaker 2>let this go. I just wanted him home. Basically, I

0:27:03.088 --> 0:27:04.288
<v Speaker 2>was just like, I just want you home. I just

0:27:04.288 --> 0:27:06.728
<v Speaker 2>want my loke back. I just want that person that

0:27:06.888 --> 0:27:09.487
<v Speaker 2>was my best friend, and my husband and the girls

0:27:09.488 --> 0:27:11.968
<v Speaker 2>were where's Luke sort of thing, and I just didn't

0:27:11.968 --> 0:27:14.128
<v Speaker 2>want to break their hearts either. So it kind of

0:27:14.128 --> 0:27:15.488
<v Speaker 2>got to a point where I was like, just come home.

0:27:16.248 --> 0:27:18.448
<v Speaker 2>So it was three weeks after things were still tense

0:27:18.488 --> 0:27:20.968
<v Speaker 2>because I still felt I felt icky. I've just felt

0:27:21.048 --> 0:27:23.608
<v Speaker 2>yuck about the situation, and I really felt yuck about

0:27:23.608 --> 0:27:28.207
<v Speaker 2>his response to my finding out. I said to him, like,

0:27:28.248 --> 0:27:31.368
<v Speaker 2>if you had done what you have done and then

0:27:31.768 --> 0:27:36.808
<v Speaker 2>the way you then approached this and apologized and tried

0:27:36.808 --> 0:27:39.448
<v Speaker 2>to make things better than things would be, okay, it's

0:27:39.488 --> 0:27:41.848
<v Speaker 2>the way that you've just dismissed this and made my

0:27:41.888 --> 0:27:44.728
<v Speaker 2>feelings feel irrelevant. So in that time, I thought I

0:27:44.768 --> 0:27:46.128
<v Speaker 2>need to get away for a little while and just

0:27:46.168 --> 0:27:48.968
<v Speaker 2>clean my head. So I went and stayed with a

0:27:49.088 --> 0:27:53.048
<v Speaker 2>girlfriend who lives about two hour drive away. Because I

0:27:53.168 --> 0:27:56.288
<v Speaker 2>was so embarrassed and humiliated by his behavior, I didn't

0:27:56.288 --> 0:27:59.207
<v Speaker 2>tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone that I worked with.

0:27:59.248 --> 0:28:01.528
<v Speaker 2>I didn't tell any of my friends. I didn't tell

0:28:01.568 --> 0:28:04.728
<v Speaker 2>my family. But I told my one girlfriend that lived

0:28:05.088 --> 0:28:07.568
<v Speaker 2>two hours away. So I was like, I'm just going

0:28:07.648 --> 0:28:10.247
<v Speaker 2>to go spend the weekend with her so I can

0:28:10.288 --> 0:28:12.568
<v Speaker 2>have a real girl to girl talk about this and

0:28:12.608 --> 0:28:14.927
<v Speaker 2>just event to one of my friends. And whilst I

0:28:15.008 --> 0:28:17.248
<v Speaker 2>was at her house, she had more information for me.

0:28:18.328 --> 0:28:21.368
<v Speaker 2>So she sat me down and said that at their wedding,

0:28:21.528 --> 0:28:26.848
<v Speaker 2>which was only about a year prior, Luke was tuning

0:28:26.888 --> 0:28:29.128
<v Speaker 2>one of the girls at the wedding, and then after

0:28:29.208 --> 0:28:32.168
<v Speaker 2>that was sliding into her DMS. And then that's when

0:28:32.208 --> 0:28:34.968
<v Speaker 2>I found about his cheating spree. When he was away

0:28:35.408 --> 0:28:38.088
<v Speaker 2>with his friends for those three weeks that he was out.

0:28:38.288 --> 0:28:41.408
<v Speaker 2>After I found out about the Tinder, he would message

0:28:41.888 --> 0:28:45.768
<v Speaker 2>my friends and acquaintances stuff like I had a sex

0:28:45.888 --> 0:28:48.848
<v Speaker 2>dream about you last night. It was really graphic. Don't

0:28:48.848 --> 0:28:51.368
<v Speaker 2>tell anyone but Madison and I broke up. I've always

0:28:51.408 --> 0:28:53.608
<v Speaker 2>thought that you were hot. Do you want to come around?

0:28:54.808 --> 0:28:58.368
<v Speaker 2>So there'd be girls that he was just dming, telling

0:28:58.408 --> 0:29:00.928
<v Speaker 2>them that he was thinking about them in the shower,

0:29:01.608 --> 0:29:04.208
<v Speaker 2>or he would be talking to girls while we were

0:29:04.248 --> 0:29:06.608
<v Speaker 2>out and saying I wish I was going home with

0:29:06.648 --> 0:29:10.288
<v Speaker 2>you instead of Madison. Tonight, I just broke down. And

0:29:10.328 --> 0:29:15.168
<v Speaker 2>I remember calling him when I was away and I said,

0:29:15.288 --> 0:29:18.888
<v Speaker 2>I know about all these other girls, and his response

0:29:19.008 --> 0:29:22.208
<v Speaker 2>was just so cold. He was like, yeah, what I said? Sorry,

0:29:22.208 --> 0:29:26.288
<v Speaker 2>what do you want me to do? I drove home sobbing,

0:29:26.448 --> 0:29:29.408
<v Speaker 2>like unconsolably crying, and I don't even remember the drive,

0:29:29.608 --> 0:29:31.208
<v Speaker 2>Like I don't even know how I made it home.

0:29:31.608 --> 0:29:34.488
<v Speaker 2>But when I got home, instead of him being like

0:29:34.888 --> 0:29:38.648
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sorry, or let's talk or anything, he was

0:29:38.688 --> 0:29:41.128
<v Speaker 2>sitting there at the kitchen table just eating a steak

0:29:41.168 --> 0:29:42.528
<v Speaker 2>and he just looked at me and went, hey.

0:29:42.928 --> 0:29:45.968
<v Speaker 1>Madison couldn't believe what was happening. Who was this man

0:29:46.328 --> 0:29:49.848
<v Speaker 1>where he had a loving, supportive, trustworthy, caring husband gone.

0:29:50.128 --> 0:29:52.728
<v Speaker 2>He said to me, I was a pig in those

0:29:52.768 --> 0:29:55.608
<v Speaker 2>couple of weeks, and what I did was piggory. His

0:29:55.688 --> 0:29:58.048
<v Speaker 2>words were that, he said, I was just disgusting and

0:29:58.088 --> 0:30:00.528
<v Speaker 2>I acted like a pig in those weeks. But there

0:30:00.568 --> 0:30:04.288
<v Speaker 2>was never like an apology for it. It wasn't he'd

0:30:04.328 --> 0:30:06.688
<v Speaker 2>be like, yeah, I'm sorry, but it was a hollow apology.

0:30:06.688 --> 0:30:08.848
<v Speaker 2>It's like no depth to it. There was no understanding

0:30:08.848 --> 0:30:10.728
<v Speaker 2>of the damage that he had done. It was just like,

0:30:10.768 --> 0:30:14.088
<v Speaker 2>I've done what I've done. Get over it. So that's

0:30:14.088 --> 0:30:16.048
<v Speaker 2>what she tried to do. Get over it.

0:30:16.408 --> 0:30:18.888
<v Speaker 1>If she wanted this marriage to work, she thought that

0:30:19.008 --> 0:30:19.608
<v Speaker 1>was up to her.

0:30:19.928 --> 0:30:22.168
<v Speaker 2>I always thought like if I just loved him harder,

0:30:22.928 --> 0:30:25.928
<v Speaker 2>if I was a better wife, if I was more present,

0:30:26.728 --> 0:30:29.728
<v Speaker 2>then that would make him feel better in himself that

0:30:29.768 --> 0:30:31.688
<v Speaker 2>he wouldn't need to be going to get this validation

0:30:31.768 --> 0:30:37.728
<v Speaker 2>from other people. My life felt like it had just

0:30:37.768 --> 0:30:40.368
<v Speaker 2>been torn apart. I felt like I was losing my

0:30:40.448 --> 0:30:44.008
<v Speaker 2>best friend, my husband, my family, my kid's stepdad. The

0:30:44.088 --> 0:30:47.448
<v Speaker 2>biggest fear that I thought about having this marriage breakdown

0:30:47.528 --> 0:30:50.328
<v Speaker 2>was it felt like it was coming true, like my

0:30:50.368 --> 0:30:52.248
<v Speaker 2>marriage is breaking down. This is the one thing that

0:30:52.288 --> 0:30:54.888
<v Speaker 2>I was so scared of. I can't do this to

0:30:54.968 --> 0:30:57.448
<v Speaker 2>my children again. I can't do this to my family.

0:30:57.568 --> 0:31:02.808
<v Speaker 2>And I ended up having such severe anxiety and panic

0:31:02.848 --> 0:31:08.248
<v Speaker 2>attacks that I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't work anymore,

0:31:08.808 --> 0:31:11.968
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't open my phone because every time I opened

0:31:11.968 --> 0:31:13.528
<v Speaker 2>my phone, I felt like I was going to get

0:31:13.528 --> 0:31:15.768
<v Speaker 2>another text from someone else that I just couldn't handle.

0:31:15.768 --> 0:31:17.688
<v Speaker 3>One more blow to.

0:31:17.608 --> 0:31:20.768
<v Speaker 2>The point where I didn't see any light out. There

0:31:20.848 --> 0:31:25.528
<v Speaker 2>was just darkness. And I've never suffered from any depression

0:31:25.568 --> 0:31:28.888
<v Speaker 2>in my life before, and I never quite understood it

0:31:29.448 --> 0:31:32.408
<v Speaker 2>until I hit rock bottom and I didn't see a

0:31:32.488 --> 0:31:34.848
<v Speaker 2>light at the end of the tunnel. I just I

0:31:34.928 --> 0:31:39.408
<v Speaker 2>woke up every morning feeling so empty and so lost.

0:31:40.128 --> 0:31:46.608
<v Speaker 2>My pain in my heart was just so unbearable and

0:31:46.728 --> 0:31:50.168
<v Speaker 2>overwhelming that I got to a point where it's like,

0:31:50.248 --> 0:31:53.288
<v Speaker 2>I can't do this one more day. My parents had

0:31:53.328 --> 0:31:58.408
<v Speaker 2>cotton on at this point. They knew what Luke had done,

0:31:58.608 --> 0:32:01.848
<v Speaker 2>and they knew that I was broken. My family are

0:32:02.048 --> 0:32:07.168
<v Speaker 2>so they're so loving and forgiving. My dad even took

0:32:07.248 --> 0:32:10.928
<v Speaker 2>Luke aside and he said, look, Luke, my daughter loves you,

0:32:11.048 --> 0:32:13.048
<v Speaker 2>My kids love you. We love you like a son.

0:32:13.888 --> 0:32:16.888
<v Speaker 2>Good people make mistakes. We can get through this as

0:32:16.928 --> 0:32:19.088
<v Speaker 2>a family. Just tell us what you need from us.

0:32:19.088 --> 0:32:21.368
<v Speaker 2>And we will be around you to get through this.

0:32:22.368 --> 0:32:24.808
<v Speaker 2>But they knew that I was struggling really really badly.

0:32:24.888 --> 0:32:26.968
<v Speaker 2>They knew that I had to stop going to work.

0:32:27.288 --> 0:32:30.528
<v Speaker 2>I would sleep the days away. I just hear rock bottom,

0:32:30.568 --> 0:32:32.888
<v Speaker 2>I really did. And so the day that I decided

0:32:32.888 --> 0:32:35.928
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't do it any longer, it was just this

0:32:36.088 --> 0:32:39.448
<v Speaker 2>overwhelming guilt that I had let my kids down again,

0:32:40.248 --> 0:32:42.368
<v Speaker 2>that they were going to have to go through something

0:32:42.408 --> 0:32:44.248
<v Speaker 2>that I didn't ever want them to go through again.

0:32:44.968 --> 0:32:46.968
<v Speaker 2>And I thought that they were all better off without me,

0:32:47.968 --> 0:32:49.808
<v Speaker 2>because I felt like I was the one that was

0:32:49.848 --> 0:32:53.408
<v Speaker 2>destroying their lives because of my decisions. I think my

0:32:53.488 --> 0:32:57.248
<v Speaker 2>parents had gotten on to me being suicidal, which I

0:32:57.448 --> 0:33:01.128
<v Speaker 2>didn't know. I was flagged with a mental health team,

0:33:01.328 --> 0:33:02.528
<v Speaker 2>which I didn't know about.

0:33:03.408 --> 0:33:05.528
<v Speaker 3>So the day that I decided that I.

0:33:05.528 --> 0:33:09.208
<v Speaker 2>Wasn't that I couldn't do it anymore, my phone just

0:33:09.248 --> 0:33:12.888
<v Speaker 2>kepturing it and ringing and ringing, and it was Luke.

0:33:13.688 --> 0:33:15.208
<v Speaker 3>I didn't answer Luke's call.

0:33:15.648 --> 0:33:17.768
<v Speaker 2>Because I was just so angry and I was so

0:33:17.888 --> 0:33:20.968
<v Speaker 2>determined that I just wanted this to stop.

0:33:21.968 --> 0:33:24.288
<v Speaker 3>So my dad.

0:33:24.088 --> 0:33:27.928
<v Speaker 2>Started calling me and calling and calling and calling, and

0:33:27.968 --> 0:33:30.408
<v Speaker 2>I think that's when my brain went, what are you

0:33:30.568 --> 0:33:32.248
<v Speaker 2>doing like your poor dad?

0:33:32.288 --> 0:33:34.128
<v Speaker 3>And I answered the phone in the fear of my

0:33:34.328 --> 0:33:36.808
<v Speaker 3>dad's voice. I'll never forget it.

0:33:36.968 --> 0:33:40.168
<v Speaker 2>Who was just he was so scared he was going

0:33:40.248 --> 0:33:42.328
<v Speaker 2>to lose me, and I was like, oh, I can't

0:33:42.408 --> 0:33:46.208
<v Speaker 2>do this to them. I was taken away by ambulance,

0:33:47.088 --> 0:33:50.608
<v Speaker 2>and stupidly, all I want was Luke beside me. So

0:33:50.728 --> 0:33:53.168
<v Speaker 2>I remember sitting there in the hospital bed and there

0:33:53.208 --> 0:33:56.608
<v Speaker 2>was a psychologist there and he was trying to talk

0:33:56.688 --> 0:34:00.048
<v Speaker 2>to me about getting over what I'd just gone through,

0:34:00.088 --> 0:34:02.928
<v Speaker 2>and he was really angry that Luke was there, and

0:34:03.088 --> 0:34:05.888
<v Speaker 2>I just was like, I just want that person. It's

0:34:05.928 --> 0:34:08.767
<v Speaker 2>hard when the one person that's just drawing you as

0:34:08.768 --> 0:34:11.368
<v Speaker 2>the one person that you want to comfort you, it's

0:34:11.728 --> 0:34:15.567
<v Speaker 2>this weirdest feeling you. He was just my rock and

0:34:15.648 --> 0:34:18.448
<v Speaker 2>my person, and whoever I would go to when things

0:34:18.808 --> 0:34:19.928
<v Speaker 2>were great, I'd go to him.

0:34:19.928 --> 0:34:21.488
<v Speaker 3>When things weren't great, I'd go to him.

0:34:21.488 --> 0:34:24.008
<v Speaker 2>He just knew what to do and say to make

0:34:24.048 --> 0:34:28.488
<v Speaker 2>things perfect again, and stupidly, that's all who I wanted

0:34:28.528 --> 0:34:29.168
<v Speaker 2>at that time.

0:34:30.128 --> 0:34:32.648
<v Speaker 1>Luke sat with her and helped her feel strong again,

0:34:32.728 --> 0:34:36.087
<v Speaker 1>and eventually they went back home together. Things had to

0:34:36.208 --> 0:34:38.768
<v Speaker 1>change and they both agreed to work on the marriage

0:34:38.888 --> 0:34:40.968
<v Speaker 1>and try to get back to where and who they

0:34:40.968 --> 0:34:41.568
<v Speaker 1>were before.

0:34:41.888 --> 0:34:44.448
<v Speaker 2>I was trying anything to hold our marriage together. I

0:34:44.568 --> 0:34:49.008
<v Speaker 2>was just whatever I could do to make things better

0:34:49.048 --> 0:34:52.608
<v Speaker 2>between us. I'd often apologize for making him feel like

0:34:52.648 --> 0:34:54.808
<v Speaker 2>he had to cheat because I obviously had failed him

0:34:54.808 --> 0:34:57.008
<v Speaker 2>as a wife for him to feel like he needed

0:34:57.008 --> 0:35:00.087
<v Speaker 2>to go elsewhere. I was doing anything I could to

0:35:00.088 --> 0:35:02.167
<v Speaker 2>try and rebuild our relationship. I just wanted that old

0:35:02.248 --> 0:35:04.368
<v Speaker 2>Luke back, like that look that I met and fell

0:35:04.408 --> 0:35:05.928
<v Speaker 2>in love with would never have done this to me,

0:35:06.528 --> 0:35:07.648
<v Speaker 2>Like just bring him back.

0:35:08.528 --> 0:35:10.928
<v Speaker 3>So it just kept trying to stay together.

0:35:11.888 --> 0:35:14.208
<v Speaker 2>He used to say that he just loved me too much,

0:35:15.488 --> 0:35:17.448
<v Speaker 2>like that was his things like I just love you

0:35:17.488 --> 0:35:18.008
<v Speaker 2>too much.

0:35:18.648 --> 0:35:19.768
<v Speaker 3>He wanted to stay together.

0:35:19.808 --> 0:35:21.768
<v Speaker 2>But also in the same breath he'd be like, I

0:35:21.808 --> 0:35:23.008
<v Speaker 2>just think too much has happened.

0:35:23.648 --> 0:35:24.888
<v Speaker 3>And in that anger.

0:35:24.648 --> 0:35:26.647
<v Speaker 2>Stage where I'd find out who's cheating, I would say

0:35:26.648 --> 0:35:28.687
<v Speaker 2>things like which I do regret, but in the heat

0:35:28.688 --> 0:35:31.448
<v Speaker 2>of the moment, you say things. I remember saying, you

0:35:31.448 --> 0:35:34.008
<v Speaker 2>don't deserve a family. If this is what you're going

0:35:34.088 --> 0:35:36.328
<v Speaker 2>to do to us, you don't deserve us. And he

0:35:36.328 --> 0:35:38.008
<v Speaker 2>held on to that and he was like, you told

0:35:38.008 --> 0:35:40.168
<v Speaker 2>me I don't deserve a family, so why wouldn't I

0:35:40.168 --> 0:35:42.328
<v Speaker 2>think we were done? And he used to say to

0:35:42.408 --> 0:35:46.648
<v Speaker 2>me things like I can't forgive you for your reactions.

0:35:46.768 --> 0:35:48.728
<v Speaker 2>So I just learned to be silent just to keep

0:35:48.768 --> 0:35:53.128
<v Speaker 2>going with it. So, yeah, we did try. It was bumpy,

0:35:53.208 --> 0:35:55.728
<v Speaker 2>but I didn't want to give up. If I just

0:35:55.808 --> 0:35:59.527
<v Speaker 2>loved him harder, if I was a better wife, if

0:35:59.568 --> 0:36:03.088
<v Speaker 2>I was more present, then that would make him feel

0:36:03.368 --> 0:36:05.127
<v Speaker 2>better in himself, that he wouldn't need to be going

0:36:05.168 --> 0:36:08.608
<v Speaker 2>to get this validation from other people. For his birthday,

0:36:08.688 --> 0:36:12.047
<v Speaker 2>after theater and we were better, we went away for

0:36:12.088 --> 0:36:14.408
<v Speaker 2>his birthday with the girls. I booked a holiday for us,

0:36:15.408 --> 0:36:18.088
<v Speaker 2>and he was down in the pool with the girl swimming,

0:36:18.128 --> 0:36:20.488
<v Speaker 2>and I went up to the bathroom and I said

0:36:20.528 --> 0:36:23.328
<v Speaker 2>to him, I don't want you to have social media anymore,

0:36:23.328 --> 0:36:27.128
<v Speaker 2>because that's your gateway to most of your cheating. And

0:36:27.168 --> 0:36:29.528
<v Speaker 2>he said, no, that's fine, I don't want it anymore anyway.

0:36:30.048 --> 0:36:32.688
<v Speaker 2>And I never checked his phone. I just always just

0:36:32.768 --> 0:36:35.848
<v Speaker 2>trusted what he said. So I went up to the bathroom.

0:36:36.088 --> 0:36:38.087
<v Speaker 2>In the room and I went to look at the

0:36:38.088 --> 0:36:41.808
<v Speaker 2>time on his phone, and he had Instagram notifications. I

0:36:41.848 --> 0:36:44.607
<v Speaker 2>was like, that's strange because you don't have Instagram. So

0:36:44.688 --> 0:36:47.768
<v Speaker 2>I opened it up, and the whole time that we

0:36:47.808 --> 0:36:50.688
<v Speaker 2>were away in a holiday, he had been sexting a

0:36:50.728 --> 0:36:53.208
<v Speaker 2>girl whilst lying in bed with me.

0:36:54.368 --> 0:36:55.288
<v Speaker 3>And this had been going on.

0:36:55.288 --> 0:36:57.448
<v Speaker 2>For months and months and months and months, to the

0:36:57.488 --> 0:36:59.688
<v Speaker 2>point where I think they had a relationship. They were

0:36:59.688 --> 0:37:02.127
<v Speaker 2>telling each other they loved each other, that they can't

0:37:02.128 --> 0:37:06.047
<v Speaker 2>wait to see each other, that he loved her, she

0:37:06.208 --> 0:37:10.408
<v Speaker 2>loved him. There was graphic images. I was a lot

0:37:10.408 --> 0:37:14.207
<v Speaker 2>of it. I also found Snapchat and again the same

0:37:14.248 --> 0:37:18.728
<v Speaker 2>stuff on Snapchat, just girls after girls after girls. Every

0:37:18.728 --> 0:37:21.208
<v Speaker 2>girl had a different story about me, so they all

0:37:21.288 --> 0:37:24.648
<v Speaker 2>knew he was married. But there one was told that

0:37:24.728 --> 0:37:27.167
<v Speaker 2>I was a psyclhoney sleeps with one I open at night.

0:37:27.328 --> 0:37:29.728
<v Speaker 2>One was told that I was cheating on him. Another

0:37:29.768 --> 0:37:31.888
<v Speaker 2>one was told I was in love with my first husband,

0:37:32.448 --> 0:37:34.928
<v Speaker 2>so there were kind of always reasons for to validate

0:37:35.008 --> 0:37:38.208
<v Speaker 2>him cheating on me. When I had his phone in

0:37:38.248 --> 0:37:42.288
<v Speaker 2>my hand, he walked in the room and his face

0:37:42.408 --> 0:37:45.047
<v Speaker 2>just dropped because he knew that I had found what

0:37:45.168 --> 0:37:48.208
<v Speaker 2>I was looking at. He kind of lunged at me

0:37:48.568 --> 0:37:51.688
<v Speaker 2>and ripped the phone out of my hand, but in

0:37:51.728 --> 0:37:54.208
<v Speaker 2>the process he ripped my fingernail out in one go.

0:37:55.488 --> 0:37:57.728
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, we kind of rolled around on the floor

0:37:57.848 --> 0:37:59.728
<v Speaker 2>while he was tackling me to get the phone out

0:37:59.768 --> 0:38:01.968
<v Speaker 2>of my hand, and I had bruises and bumps all

0:38:02.008 --> 0:38:06.288
<v Speaker 2>over me. That night was scary. That night was everything

0:38:06.408 --> 0:38:09.408
<v Speaker 2>changed that night. It just went really really downhill. It's

0:38:09.488 --> 0:38:13.208
<v Speaker 2>kind of like his mask had finally fallen off and

0:38:13.248 --> 0:38:14.968
<v Speaker 2>he wasn't even going to pretend to be the old

0:38:15.048 --> 0:38:19.008
<v Speaker 2>Luke anymore. This was the real raw Luke, this ugly

0:38:19.128 --> 0:38:20.607
<v Speaker 2>version was who he truly was.

0:38:21.448 --> 0:38:23.047
<v Speaker 3>So we had to go to.

0:38:23.008 --> 0:38:25.808
<v Speaker 2>The doctor for my finger, and obviously we lied and

0:38:25.848 --> 0:38:28.488
<v Speaker 2>said I slammed it in the door. I just wasn't

0:38:28.488 --> 0:38:30.208
<v Speaker 2>wanted to protect him. I didn't want anyone to know

0:38:30.288 --> 0:38:31.928
<v Speaker 2>what was going on. I didn't want anyone to know

0:38:31.968 --> 0:38:34.567
<v Speaker 2>that he had done this to me, so I just

0:38:34.648 --> 0:38:37.328
<v Speaker 2>lied and everyone thought I slammed it in the door.

0:38:38.048 --> 0:38:40.848
<v Speaker 2>And you'd think that's where the cheating would stop, but

0:38:40.968 --> 0:38:45.607
<v Speaker 2>it just kept going. Weeks would go by and I'd

0:38:45.608 --> 0:38:47.688
<v Speaker 2>find out about another girl that he's sexting, and then

0:38:47.728 --> 0:38:51.368
<v Speaker 2>another girl, and I think that once one person told

0:38:51.408 --> 0:38:55.008
<v Speaker 2>me and people started to hear that I had known

0:38:55.048 --> 0:38:57.567
<v Speaker 2>about a few they were like, oh, I'm not the

0:38:57.568 --> 0:39:00.567
<v Speaker 2>first person to tell us, so now they felt more

0:39:00.608 --> 0:39:04.408
<v Speaker 2>comfortable telling me more because she's already hurt. It's not

0:39:04.448 --> 0:39:06.448
<v Speaker 2>like I'm breaking it to her for the first time.

0:39:07.088 --> 0:39:09.328
<v Speaker 3>I feel like everyone knew about it but me.

0:39:10.168 --> 0:39:12.368
<v Speaker 2>There was a point where we went to a barbecue,

0:39:12.528 --> 0:39:16.087
<v Speaker 2>to one of my closest friends barbecues, and Luke was

0:39:16.088 --> 0:39:18.087
<v Speaker 2>set beside me and he was messaging a girl that

0:39:18.208 --> 0:39:21.608
<v Speaker 2>was at this barbecue, right under my nose, right in

0:39:21.648 --> 0:39:23.968
<v Speaker 2>front of me, and I had no idea. It probably

0:39:24.128 --> 0:39:27.488
<v Speaker 2>was another couple of months before I started to get

0:39:27.488 --> 0:39:30.168
<v Speaker 2>myself on track again. I was seeing a psychologist. I

0:39:30.208 --> 0:39:33.088
<v Speaker 2>was really trying to get back out there. My panic

0:39:33.088 --> 0:39:36.408
<v Speaker 2>attacks were getting less. The tremors that I had was

0:39:36.408 --> 0:39:38.928
<v Speaker 2>still there, but I was just trying to get my

0:39:38.968 --> 0:39:40.928
<v Speaker 2>life back on track for my kids. I really had

0:39:40.928 --> 0:39:43.968
<v Speaker 2>to do it for them. We went to marriage counseling.

0:39:44.728 --> 0:39:47.448
<v Speaker 2>He sat there in lied and I didn't correct him

0:39:47.488 --> 0:39:50.728
<v Speaker 2>at all. It got to the third counseling session that

0:39:50.808 --> 0:39:53.928
<v Speaker 2>we had and I had this major panic attack in

0:39:53.968 --> 0:39:58.048
<v Speaker 2>the session and the session obviously ended, and the counselor

0:39:58.048 --> 0:40:00.928
<v Speaker 2>that we had was so lovely, and he was really

0:40:00.968 --> 0:40:03.888
<v Speaker 2>concerned for my welfare. He called me the next day

0:40:03.888 --> 0:40:06.368
<v Speaker 2>and said, Madison, like, this is probably outside of my

0:40:06.408 --> 0:40:08.087
<v Speaker 2>scope and I probably shouldn't call you and do my

0:40:08.088 --> 0:40:11.688
<v Speaker 2>personal opinion, but this man's I've been doing this for

0:40:11.808 --> 0:40:16.688
<v Speaker 2>years and I can see narcissism and abuse when I

0:40:16.728 --> 0:40:18.608
<v Speaker 2>see it, and I'm really.

0:40:18.328 --> 0:40:19.408
<v Speaker 3>Concerned for your welfare.

0:40:20.328 --> 0:40:25.527
<v Speaker 2>And that night Luke actually smashed a glass frame over

0:40:25.568 --> 0:40:28.408
<v Speaker 2>my head and broke his knuckles. We were kind of

0:40:28.448 --> 0:40:31.528
<v Speaker 2>just having a disagreement and having an argument just about everything,

0:40:31.608 --> 0:40:35.968
<v Speaker 2>and just about his behavior and his response to his behavior,

0:40:36.008 --> 0:40:38.768
<v Speaker 2>and his lack of empathy and just not giving a

0:40:38.848 --> 0:40:43.168
<v Speaker 2>shit about it, just being so cold, and it just

0:40:43.208 --> 0:40:46.168
<v Speaker 2>got so heated, and he just got so angry and

0:40:46.648 --> 0:40:51.328
<v Speaker 2>so enraged with his anger, and he just picked up

0:40:51.328 --> 0:40:54.008
<v Speaker 2>a glass frame while we were fighting and just lost

0:40:54.048 --> 0:40:56.648
<v Speaker 2>it and smashed it and it went flying over my

0:40:56.688 --> 0:40:57.208
<v Speaker 2>head and my.

0:40:57.248 --> 0:40:58.048
<v Speaker 3>Poor little dog.

0:40:59.208 --> 0:41:01.168
<v Speaker 2>We went to the hospital and led and said that

0:41:01.248 --> 0:41:05.087
<v Speaker 2>it was because he was boxing. But after that, I

0:41:05.128 --> 0:41:07.888
<v Speaker 2>think that's when I kind of was like, I'm out.

0:41:08.048 --> 0:41:12.368
<v Speaker 2>This is not okay. He doesn't give a shit about me.

0:41:13.648 --> 0:41:16.808
<v Speaker 2>He's never going to change he's got no remorse for

0:41:16.888 --> 0:41:17.528
<v Speaker 2>what he's done.

0:41:19.288 --> 0:41:21.488
<v Speaker 3>He doesn't care. There's no empathy for what he's.

0:41:21.288 --> 0:41:25.888
<v Speaker 2>Put me through, for my family, my girls, there's no

0:41:25.968 --> 0:41:32.288
<v Speaker 2>accountability of what he's done. It's all excuses. So yeah,

0:41:32.368 --> 0:41:35.247
<v Speaker 2>I just thought that's it, and I think he thought

0:41:35.288 --> 0:41:35.728
<v Speaker 2>the same.

0:41:36.448 --> 0:41:37.888
<v Speaker 3>I think we were just exhausted.

0:41:39.088 --> 0:41:42.728
<v Speaker 2>My girls knew about some of the betrayal because they

0:41:42.728 --> 0:41:44.968
<v Speaker 2>were getting to the point. My elders is nearly fifteen now,

0:41:45.008 --> 0:41:46.608
<v Speaker 2>so they were getting to the point where they were

0:41:46.688 --> 0:41:49.128
<v Speaker 2>They knew because he was just going missing for weeks,

0:41:49.288 --> 0:41:52.648
<v Speaker 2>like when we were in our bad period, and they'd

0:41:52.688 --> 0:41:55.328
<v Speaker 2>be like, where's Luke, And they saw me crying, and

0:41:55.368 --> 0:41:57.008
<v Speaker 2>they saw me not getting out of bed, and they

0:41:57.008 --> 0:42:00.648
<v Speaker 2>saw me not going to work. So they saw me

0:42:00.768 --> 0:42:03.848
<v Speaker 2>at my darkest. And my eldest is smart, she caught

0:42:04.088 --> 0:42:06.368
<v Speaker 2>on to what was going on. I mean, it's really

0:42:06.408 --> 0:42:09.607
<v Speaker 2>hard to have arguments. Although we kept it away from children,

0:42:10.168 --> 0:42:13.288
<v Speaker 2>they kind of consents what's going on. My youngest in particular,

0:42:13.368 --> 0:42:15.248
<v Speaker 2>was like, I don't want Luke to go, mom, Like

0:42:15.328 --> 0:42:18.128
<v Speaker 2>I love him so much, can he stay? And my

0:42:18.248 --> 0:42:21.527
<v Speaker 2>eldest was just quiet, And I remember Luke got up

0:42:21.568 --> 0:42:24.527
<v Speaker 2>and went to go and get some dinner for us.

0:42:24.648 --> 0:42:26.768
<v Speaker 2>And while he was away, I said to my eldest,

0:42:27.168 --> 0:42:28.368
<v Speaker 2>how are you feeling, what are you thinking?

0:42:28.408 --> 0:42:28.968
<v Speaker 3>What's going on?

0:42:29.048 --> 0:42:30.687
<v Speaker 2>And she was like, Mom, if he does this one

0:42:30.688 --> 0:42:35.888
<v Speaker 2>more time, he's out. So she had already been like

0:42:35.928 --> 0:42:39.768
<v Speaker 2>this is enough. So I think when I got to

0:42:39.808 --> 0:42:42.568
<v Speaker 2>that end point, I was like I kind of listened

0:42:42.608 --> 0:42:42.888
<v Speaker 2>to her.

0:42:44.408 --> 0:42:45.248
<v Speaker 3>I kind of was like.

0:42:45.768 --> 0:42:48.368
<v Speaker 2>My pep talk with my eldest, kind of sunk in,

0:42:48.408 --> 0:42:50.688
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, yeah, you know what, this is enough,

0:42:50.808 --> 0:42:54.008
<v Speaker 2>this is bullshit. We don't need him. I'm a better person,

0:42:54.048 --> 0:42:58.527
<v Speaker 2>I'm a happier person for my girls if he's not here.

0:42:59.128 --> 0:43:03.328
<v Speaker 2>He's destroying me bit by bit every day. And he

0:43:03.408 --> 0:43:05.408
<v Speaker 2>got to the point where he almost robbed my children

0:43:05.408 --> 0:43:08.928
<v Speaker 2>of their mum. So then I woke up and had

0:43:08.928 --> 0:43:10.928
<v Speaker 2>a wake up corner. You know what, I'm not going

0:43:10.968 --> 0:43:14.127
<v Speaker 2>to let that man do that to my kids. And

0:43:14.168 --> 0:43:16.608
<v Speaker 2>that was a point where I was like, I'm done.

0:43:16.848 --> 0:43:19.608
<v Speaker 2>There wasn't really a sit down conversation about it, but

0:43:19.648 --> 0:43:22.728
<v Speaker 2>I think we both were just done at our wits end,

0:43:22.768 --> 0:43:25.567
<v Speaker 2>and it wasn't spoken, but I guess he knew and

0:43:25.608 --> 0:43:27.448
<v Speaker 2>I knew, and he just packed a bag and he

0:43:27.528 --> 0:43:30.688
<v Speaker 2>went stayed with friends again. He was kind of like

0:43:30.728 --> 0:43:34.368
<v Speaker 2>toying back and forth with messages about seeing the dogs

0:43:34.408 --> 0:43:37.368
<v Speaker 2>and things like that, and he would write messages going,

0:43:37.408 --> 0:43:40.047
<v Speaker 2>I still love you. So it was kind of like

0:43:40.088 --> 0:43:44.808
<v Speaker 2>he was still trying to make me believe that there

0:43:44.888 --> 0:43:47.288
<v Speaker 2>might be hope. So it was like this tuggle wall

0:43:47.328 --> 0:43:49.607
<v Speaker 2>between my head and my heart. So one day I'd

0:43:49.648 --> 0:43:51.368
<v Speaker 2>be really strong, like, no, I'm not ever going to

0:43:51.448 --> 0:43:52.768
<v Speaker 2>go back there, and then the next day my heart

0:43:52.768 --> 0:43:56.008
<v Speaker 2>would be like I miss him so much. So as

0:43:56.088 --> 0:43:58.768
<v Speaker 2>his back and forth, he came over one day and

0:43:58.808 --> 0:44:02.047
<v Speaker 2>we had an argument and then he said to me,

0:44:02.168 --> 0:44:06.328
<v Speaker 2>I'm done. He's like, I can't, Like we're done. He said,

0:44:06.368 --> 0:44:08.128
<v Speaker 2>too much has happened. And I was like, what have

0:44:08.248 --> 0:44:11.528
<v Speaker 2>you done? And he just wouldn't it's me. And then

0:44:12.048 --> 0:44:15.848
<v Speaker 2>he drove off that day and that night he had

0:44:15.848 --> 0:44:21.168
<v Speaker 2>blocked me, my number, my email or social media accounts.

0:44:21.328 --> 0:44:24.928
<v Speaker 2>He blocked my parents, my daughter's phone numbers were blocked,

0:44:25.328 --> 0:44:30.368
<v Speaker 2>my friends were blocked. He completely erased himself from our lives.

0:44:31.128 --> 0:44:32.848
<v Speaker 2>I knew I was blocked, but I was just hoping

0:44:32.848 --> 0:44:35.848
<v Speaker 2>that one day he would unblock me and I would

0:44:35.888 --> 0:44:38.408
<v Speaker 2>send him a photo of either him and one of

0:44:38.448 --> 0:44:41.567
<v Speaker 2>the girls, or him and I or the family and us,

0:44:42.328 --> 0:44:44.687
<v Speaker 2>and I would write like about the memory of that day,

0:44:45.248 --> 0:44:47.527
<v Speaker 2>and I would say, whenever you're ready, your girls are

0:44:47.528 --> 0:44:49.928
<v Speaker 2>waiting for you to come home. And it got to

0:44:50.088 --> 0:44:52.208
<v Speaker 2>a month of me doing that every single day, and

0:44:52.248 --> 0:44:58.888
<v Speaker 2>I was like, you're just hurting yourself. His disrespect, his silence,

0:44:59.048 --> 0:45:02.607
<v Speaker 2>his blocking, is enough closure for you to get out,

0:45:02.648 --> 0:45:05.288
<v Speaker 2>Like what are you waiting for? Like this man doesn't

0:45:05.328 --> 0:45:10.207
<v Speaker 2>love you. And I never saw him again and heard

0:45:10.208 --> 0:45:13.328
<v Speaker 2>from him again. The only time I ever heard anything

0:45:13.568 --> 0:45:19.528
<v Speaker 2>was from the lawyers. I was ghosted by my husband.

0:45:20.448 --> 0:45:22.608
<v Speaker 2>Didn't hear from him at all, but I had no

0:45:22.688 --> 0:45:26.328
<v Speaker 2>way of contacting him either until I had a lawyer's

0:45:26.408 --> 0:45:29.448
<v Speaker 2>letter in my emailse from a lawyer that he had

0:45:29.648 --> 0:45:33.008
<v Speaker 2>engaged with, and that was to get money from the

0:45:33.008 --> 0:45:35.928
<v Speaker 2>house that I bought. Because his name was on the

0:45:35.928 --> 0:45:39.448
<v Speaker 2>house title, he had every right to sell the house

0:45:40.088 --> 0:45:44.848
<v Speaker 2>or sell and split the profits. I was absolutely gutted,

0:45:45.368 --> 0:45:49.888
<v Speaker 2>like another punch in the guts, like you have just

0:45:49.968 --> 0:45:52.968
<v Speaker 2>destroyed me. You've watched my mental health go down the drain.

0:45:53.288 --> 0:45:56.408
<v Speaker 2>We've gone through all this trauma.

0:45:56.768 --> 0:45:58.408
<v Speaker 3>I've found out multiple.

0:45:58.088 --> 0:46:00.968
<v Speaker 2>Cheating you've now left and ghosted me, and now you're

0:46:01.008 --> 0:46:03.567
<v Speaker 2>like one final punch, I'm gonna rip the house that

0:46:03.608 --> 0:46:06.808
<v Speaker 2>you and the girls live in from you. What have

0:46:06.888 --> 0:46:09.368
<v Speaker 2>I done to you for you to hate me this much?

0:46:10.008 --> 0:46:13.168
<v Speaker 1>This was three months after Madison had last seen or

0:46:13.248 --> 0:46:15.728
<v Speaker 1>heard from him, not a word to her and all

0:46:15.728 --> 0:46:18.648
<v Speaker 1>the girls. The way she saw it, she had two options.

0:46:18.968 --> 0:46:21.288
<v Speaker 1>She could fight, show evidence that it was her money

0:46:21.328 --> 0:46:24.008
<v Speaker 1>alone that had purchased the house, that he didn't have

0:46:24.008 --> 0:46:26.408
<v Speaker 1>any custody rights over the kids and this was their home,

0:46:27.008 --> 0:46:29.087
<v Speaker 1>or she could just give him what he asked for

0:46:29.528 --> 0:46:30.727
<v Speaker 1>and let this all be over.

0:46:31.088 --> 0:46:33.567
<v Speaker 2>I just didn't have the energy to fight, So it

0:46:33.688 --> 0:46:36.208
<v Speaker 2>is what it is. He didn't get half, thank god,

0:46:36.728 --> 0:46:39.448
<v Speaker 2>but yeah, he did get money that he shouldn't have.

0:46:40.368 --> 0:46:44.047
<v Speaker 2>I just felt completely comment. I was just like, I've

0:46:44.168 --> 0:46:48.008
<v Speaker 2>just been done so hard. Why marry me? Like, do

0:46:48.168 --> 0:46:52.088
<v Speaker 2>this to me, Don't do this to my children, Don't

0:46:52.088 --> 0:46:54.328
<v Speaker 2>do this to my family. They didn't deserve not that

0:46:54.408 --> 0:46:57.488
<v Speaker 2>I deserved it, but my poorness and children did nothing

0:46:57.528 --> 0:46:58.248
<v Speaker 2>but love you.

0:46:58.728 --> 0:47:01.328
<v Speaker 3>On Father's Day. They would give him Father's Day presents.

0:47:01.368 --> 0:47:03.928
<v Speaker 2>They would go out to the shops and buy him things,

0:47:03.928 --> 0:47:04.928
<v Speaker 2>say they they adored him.

0:47:04.968 --> 0:47:08.768
<v Speaker 3>They didn't deserve this. I just felt so rocked.

0:47:09.248 --> 0:47:13.288
<v Speaker 2>I was like, my biggest fear is my reality Again,

0:47:13.568 --> 0:47:16.047
<v Speaker 2>I am not even forty yet and I am going

0:47:16.128 --> 0:47:20.408
<v Speaker 2>to have two divorces under my belt. So I didn't

0:47:20.448 --> 0:47:22.848
<v Speaker 2>hear anything. I didn't even know where it was living.

0:47:23.488 --> 0:47:26.888
<v Speaker 2>I've heard that he's in a different state with one

0:47:26.928 --> 0:47:31.248
<v Speaker 2>of the girlfriends that he had during our relationship. So

0:47:31.328 --> 0:47:32.928
<v Speaker 2>that day that he up and left was a year

0:47:32.968 --> 0:47:35.688
<v Speaker 2>ago and I still haven't ever heard a word from him,

0:47:35.728 --> 0:47:38.968
<v Speaker 2>not a peep. I'm still blocked on everything. Not one

0:47:39.048 --> 0:47:43.207
<v Speaker 2>message to the girls, nothing for their birthdays, anything like that.

0:47:43.408 --> 0:47:48.288
<v Speaker 2>He's just completely vanished. What is interesting is though his

0:47:48.408 --> 0:47:52.168
<v Speaker 2>grandma like figure that he mentioned disliked me because I

0:47:52.208 --> 0:47:56.088
<v Speaker 2>was a single mother, has reached out to me, sent

0:47:56.248 --> 0:48:00.408
<v Speaker 2>me a text message saying that she wanted to talk

0:48:00.448 --> 0:48:04.648
<v Speaker 2>to me and that she felt really saddened by what

0:48:04.728 --> 0:48:06.768
<v Speaker 2>I had gone through, which I'm not quite sure how

0:48:06.808 --> 0:48:09.168
<v Speaker 2>she knew, but it was a text message, and I

0:48:09.248 --> 0:48:11.688
<v Speaker 2>just at this point don't trust anyone, and I was like,

0:48:11.808 --> 0:48:13.928
<v Speaker 2>I don't know who's behind this text message. It could

0:48:13.928 --> 0:48:17.448
<v Speaker 2>be Luke, I don't know. So I never responded and

0:48:17.488 --> 0:48:23.128
<v Speaker 2>then months later, just recently, she called me and she

0:48:23.288 --> 0:48:27.247
<v Speaker 2>said to me, Madison, I'm so sorry that you've gone

0:48:27.248 --> 0:48:29.328
<v Speaker 2>through what you've gone through. I hear that you've gone

0:48:29.328 --> 0:48:32.248
<v Speaker 2>through hell with Luke. I'm so sorry that I couldn't

0:48:32.248 --> 0:48:34.527
<v Speaker 2>have been there for you and the girls. No one

0:48:34.528 --> 0:48:36.808
<v Speaker 2>should go through what he has done to you, and

0:48:37.528 --> 0:48:40.208
<v Speaker 2>I'm wishing you all the love in the world. So

0:48:40.448 --> 0:48:43.048
<v Speaker 2>from someone who apparently hated me and I'd never met

0:48:43.928 --> 0:48:46.648
<v Speaker 2>to reach out that many times to a complete stranger

0:48:46.848 --> 0:48:49.528
<v Speaker 2>to make sure they're okay, it makes me wonder exactly

0:48:49.528 --> 0:48:51.368
<v Speaker 2>what he has done to his family and to the

0:48:51.408 --> 0:48:54.647
<v Speaker 2>people that did love him. His sister's also reached out

0:48:54.688 --> 0:48:57.567
<v Speaker 2>to me, his biological sister, to apologize for what I

0:48:57.648 --> 0:49:01.408
<v Speaker 2>had gone through as well. So there's huge question marks

0:49:01.448 --> 0:49:04.888
<v Speaker 2>around what I was told at the start of our relationship.

0:49:05.408 --> 0:49:08.048
<v Speaker 2>It was validation, but it also sadness that this person

0:49:08.168 --> 0:49:10.928
<v Speaker 2>is so damaged that he's doing this to so many people.

0:49:11.688 --> 0:49:14.248
<v Speaker 2>But then I also thought, oh gosh, what beautiful people

0:49:14.288 --> 0:49:17.127
<v Speaker 2>there in the world that his grandmother and his sister,

0:49:17.168 --> 0:49:19.768
<v Speaker 2>who had never met me and didn't know me from

0:49:19.768 --> 0:49:22.328
<v Speaker 2>a Bara Syrup, had reached out to see that we

0:49:22.368 --> 0:49:26.888
<v Speaker 2>are okay, so sad the fact that he's this evil,

0:49:27.168 --> 0:49:30.567
<v Speaker 2>but grateful that there's beautiful people in the Welsh. The

0:49:30.648 --> 0:49:34.328
<v Speaker 2>Luke that I met is a character. It's not who

0:49:34.368 --> 0:49:37.728
<v Speaker 2>he actually is. It was an act. So the Luke

0:49:37.808 --> 0:49:39.607
<v Speaker 2>that I had at the end was the real Luke.

0:49:40.088 --> 0:49:43.848
<v Speaker 2>So getting the Luke that I met is just a

0:49:43.848 --> 0:49:46.968
<v Speaker 2>fictional character. It's like I got catfished.

0:49:48.088 --> 0:49:48.647
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:49:48.768 --> 0:49:52.527
<v Speaker 2>If it's the family that freaked him out, because he's

0:49:52.608 --> 0:49:55.648
<v Speaker 2>never been brought up in a tight knit family. I

0:49:55.728 --> 0:49:57.768
<v Speaker 2>always said to him, I feel like you're a lone wolf.

0:49:58.048 --> 0:50:00.087
<v Speaker 2>You need to be on your own, and you know,

0:50:00.248 --> 0:50:03.527
<v Speaker 2>family to me means everything. Family bond and having my

0:50:03.568 --> 0:50:05.968
<v Speaker 2>mom and dad and my sister and my children and

0:50:05.968 --> 0:50:08.248
<v Speaker 2>everyone around means so much to me. We're always having

0:50:08.288 --> 0:50:11.608
<v Speaker 2>family barbecues and dinners, and he's never had that. He

0:50:11.728 --> 0:50:14.047
<v Speaker 2>never got brought up with that. So I don't know

0:50:14.048 --> 0:50:17.728
<v Speaker 2>if it just got too much that he just couldn't

0:50:17.728 --> 0:50:19.928
<v Speaker 2>handle being around people all the time. I'm not sure.

0:50:20.008 --> 0:50:21.688
<v Speaker 2>I don't know why. After the marriage, I don't know

0:50:21.688 --> 0:50:24.688
<v Speaker 2>if it's because it was so final. It turns out

0:50:24.728 --> 0:50:26.408
<v Speaker 2>that apparently he was cheating on me before. The whole

0:50:26.408 --> 0:50:29.047
<v Speaker 2>marriage anyway, So I don't know what his benefit was

0:50:29.128 --> 0:50:33.687
<v Speaker 2>to get married. When we first were together, everyone kept

0:50:33.728 --> 0:50:37.808
<v Speaker 2>telling him how amazing he was to take on a

0:50:37.808 --> 0:50:40.288
<v Speaker 2>single mom and two children. So I feel like he

0:50:40.328 --> 0:50:42.488
<v Speaker 2>got gassed up a lot by people going, Oh, you're

0:50:42.528 --> 0:50:45.288
<v Speaker 2>so amazing for doing this and whatever. And I don't

0:50:45.288 --> 0:50:47.047
<v Speaker 2>know if that just gave him this ego boost all

0:50:47.088 --> 0:50:49.448
<v Speaker 2>the time and gave him the validation that he was needing.

0:50:49.968 --> 0:50:51.848
<v Speaker 2>And I was giving him all that as well, telling

0:50:51.888 --> 0:50:55.008
<v Speaker 2>him how proud of him I was, and he was

0:50:55.048 --> 0:50:57.328
<v Speaker 2>getting all the validation and the ego boost that he did.

0:50:57.368 --> 0:50:59.047
<v Speaker 2>And I think once you get married and all that

0:50:59.168 --> 0:51:01.647
<v Speaker 2>kind of like fades away into normality and you start

0:51:01.688 --> 0:51:05.168
<v Speaker 2>going to normal life, people stopped telling him how amazing

0:51:05.168 --> 0:51:07.288
<v Speaker 2>it was to taking me on, I guess, And I

0:51:07.328 --> 0:51:09.728
<v Speaker 2>guess with our busy lives and how we kind of

0:51:09.928 --> 0:51:12.167
<v Speaker 2>just got really caught up in our work and things

0:51:12.168 --> 0:51:15.168
<v Speaker 2>like that, I probably stopped telling him how much I

0:51:15.248 --> 0:51:18.248
<v Speaker 2>admired him as well, So I think he doesn't needed

0:51:18.248 --> 0:51:22.087
<v Speaker 2>to get validation from external sources, and that's why it

0:51:22.168 --> 0:51:25.128
<v Speaker 2>was happening. Why I found out all of a sudden,

0:51:25.248 --> 0:51:26.648
<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't know if it was the

0:51:26.768 --> 0:51:29.647
<v Speaker 2>universe trying to be like, let's just throw it all

0:51:29.648 --> 0:51:31.728
<v Speaker 2>at you at once, because I feel like if you

0:51:31.848 --> 0:51:33.968
<v Speaker 2>just get told a few things, you'll probably stay. I

0:51:33.968 --> 0:51:36.688
<v Speaker 2>don't know and which I did, so I don't know,

0:51:36.808 --> 0:51:38.968
<v Speaker 2>but like I said, I think that once one person

0:51:40.008 --> 0:51:42.408
<v Speaker 2>kind of knew that I found out about a few them,

0:51:42.488 --> 0:51:45.048
<v Speaker 2>they were kind of like floodgates opened, and then everyone

0:51:45.128 --> 0:51:46.527
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, well, she kind of knows about some

0:51:46.648 --> 0:51:48.248
<v Speaker 2>now we might as well tell her what we know.

0:51:49.008 --> 0:51:51.568
<v Speaker 2>Like to this day, I still find out things. I

0:51:51.648 --> 0:51:54.248
<v Speaker 2>ran into a girl the other day and she said, oh,

0:51:54.288 --> 0:51:57.087
<v Speaker 2>do you remember when you're at this certain bar? And

0:51:57.168 --> 0:51:59.008
<v Speaker 2>I said yeah, and she's like, we ran into you

0:51:59.008 --> 0:52:00.848
<v Speaker 2>and Luke and I was like, yeah, you know I remember.

0:52:01.248 --> 0:52:02.848
<v Speaker 2>She goes, yeah, you went to the toilet and he

0:52:02.848 --> 0:52:04.527
<v Speaker 2>told me he wanted to take me home to me.

0:52:05.488 --> 0:52:08.728
<v Speaker 2>It still hurts, but I'm also like I'm not even

0:52:08.808 --> 0:52:13.928
<v Speaker 2>surprised anymore, or like I'm just like another one. It's

0:52:13.968 --> 0:52:15.888
<v Speaker 2>not like the hurt when I found out about the

0:52:15.928 --> 0:52:17.888
<v Speaker 2>first Tinder account and all the rest of that that

0:52:18.128 --> 0:52:20.008
<v Speaker 2>I'm kind of numb to it now, Like it just

0:52:20.048 --> 0:52:22.408
<v Speaker 2>makes me more angry that I trusted him than I

0:52:22.408 --> 0:52:26.328
<v Speaker 2>got so conned into loving someone so hard and putting

0:52:26.328 --> 0:52:28.888
<v Speaker 2>them on a pedestal when there was zero respect or

0:52:29.008 --> 0:52:30.688
<v Speaker 2>love there given from him to me.

0:52:31.928 --> 0:52:33.088
<v Speaker 3>I'm still healing.

0:52:33.448 --> 0:52:36.968
<v Speaker 2>I will never be the same person again, and that's okay.

0:52:37.888 --> 0:52:41.408
<v Speaker 2>I worry that my trusting people has gone my second

0:52:41.408 --> 0:52:43.688
<v Speaker 2>guess everything that people tell me now, I'm like, are

0:52:43.688 --> 0:52:45.648
<v Speaker 2>you telling me the truth? But maybe that was for

0:52:45.688 --> 0:52:48.208
<v Speaker 2>the best because I think I was way too forgiving

0:52:48.288 --> 0:52:53.248
<v Speaker 2>and way too naive. Maybe I just thought people had

0:52:53.288 --> 0:52:56.328
<v Speaker 2>good intentions and everyone was telling the truth. And now

0:52:56.368 --> 0:52:59.728
<v Speaker 2>I kind of I don't have that side of me anymore.

0:53:00.488 --> 0:53:03.087
<v Speaker 2>I'm stronger though, I'm more assertive. I'll just stand up

0:53:03.128 --> 0:53:06.848
<v Speaker 2>for myself now, which is good. I ended up getting

0:53:06.888 --> 0:53:09.968
<v Speaker 2>back into work and starting my own business at that time,

0:53:10.208 --> 0:53:14.488
<v Speaker 2>so I just really concentrated on that. I have absolutely

0:53:14.568 --> 0:53:18.488
<v Speaker 2>beautiful friends, Like, my friends are amazing. I went on

0:53:18.488 --> 0:53:20.328
<v Speaker 2>a holiday to Bali with one of my girlfriends and

0:53:20.448 --> 0:53:23.208
<v Speaker 2>have their time of my life. My friends have just

0:53:23.288 --> 0:53:26.127
<v Speaker 2>kind of made me see that I'm okay, Like I

0:53:26.168 --> 0:53:29.408
<v Speaker 2>am a good person. I don't need that person in

0:53:29.448 --> 0:53:33.448
<v Speaker 2>my life. I'm back to myself again. I'm happy. I'm laughing.

0:53:34.008 --> 0:53:36.008
<v Speaker 2>I'm just still just doing one day at a time,

0:53:36.048 --> 0:53:38.167
<v Speaker 2>and I've done a lot of healing.

0:53:37.848 --> 0:53:39.488
<v Speaker 3>Classes, a lot of energy work.

0:53:39.728 --> 0:53:43.168
<v Speaker 2>I really love my pilates, so it's just about me

0:53:43.208 --> 0:53:46.688
<v Speaker 2>and my girls. My youngest I do feel like she

0:53:46.728 --> 0:53:49.768
<v Speaker 2>has a bit of abandonment issues, which breaks my heart.

0:53:49.968 --> 0:53:53.488
<v Speaker 2>Her and I have gotten so much closer. We were

0:53:53.528 --> 0:53:56.328
<v Speaker 2>already so close, but if we could get any closer,

0:53:56.368 --> 0:53:59.008
<v Speaker 2>we have. My eldest is kind of at that fifteen

0:53:59.088 --> 0:54:00.888
<v Speaker 2>year old stage where she's kind of too cool and

0:54:00.888 --> 0:54:02.647
<v Speaker 2>hangs out with her friends a lot. But the three

0:54:02.688 --> 0:54:05.408
<v Speaker 2>of us are just so tight and they mean the

0:54:05.448 --> 0:54:08.288
<v Speaker 2>world to me, so I'll do anything to make sure

0:54:08.288 --> 0:54:10.968
<v Speaker 2>that their happiness is at the top, and they're my

0:54:11.008 --> 0:54:14.768
<v Speaker 2>priority no matter what. I think they were more worried

0:54:14.808 --> 0:54:17.127
<v Speaker 2>about me than themselves, so.

0:54:17.168 --> 0:54:19.448
<v Speaker 3>They were really worried about how I was.

0:54:20.168 --> 0:54:22.408
<v Speaker 2>My youngest slept with me every night and she would

0:54:22.408 --> 0:54:25.968
<v Speaker 2>pat me to sleep, So I think we just had

0:54:26.008 --> 0:54:28.167
<v Speaker 2>each other. We just the three of us just really

0:54:28.288 --> 0:54:31.208
<v Speaker 2>rallied around and we had each other. And I would

0:54:31.528 --> 0:54:33.848
<v Speaker 2>much take the relationship that I have with my daughters

0:54:33.888 --> 0:54:38.008
<v Speaker 2>over trying to rekindle anything with him. I've been through

0:54:38.048 --> 0:54:42.728
<v Speaker 2>a lot, and I've gotten through it, so I mean,

0:54:42.848 --> 0:54:45.008
<v Speaker 2>I'm proud of where I am today. I could have

0:54:45.168 --> 0:54:48.288
<v Speaker 2>ended it, and I'm so glad I didn't. My girls

0:54:48.328 --> 0:54:52.167
<v Speaker 2>need me and I need them, and I'm just still

0:54:52.168 --> 0:54:55.128
<v Speaker 2>on that healing process and that journey and that's okay,

0:54:55.248 --> 0:54:57.408
<v Speaker 2>and I don't know how long that will take, but

0:54:57.568 --> 0:55:01.368
<v Speaker 2>I'm committed to being a better person and being stronger

0:55:01.408 --> 0:55:01.728
<v Speaker 2>from this.

0:55:02.848 --> 0:55:05.527
<v Speaker 3>I still love love. I'm a sucker for.

0:55:05.608 --> 0:55:08.527
<v Speaker 2>Love, but it, honestly, in the same breath makes me

0:55:08.568 --> 0:55:13.448
<v Speaker 2>feel ill. Like I've watched movies and I watch shows

0:55:13.448 --> 0:55:15.768
<v Speaker 2>like I cried my eyes out the other day watching

0:55:15.968 --> 0:55:20.808
<v Speaker 2>love on the spatrum. I'm like, oh, and I'm like,

0:55:20.928 --> 0:55:26.048
<v Speaker 2>I'm such a sucker for love. But I just feel

0:55:26.128 --> 0:55:28.648
<v Speaker 2>like the one thing that I love so much and

0:55:28.728 --> 0:55:30.448
<v Speaker 2>want in my life is the one thing that I

0:55:30.488 --> 0:55:32.368
<v Speaker 2>fear the most, and it's the one thing that can

0:55:32.448 --> 0:55:34.928
<v Speaker 2>hurt me the most. So I don't know if I'll

0:55:34.928 --> 0:55:36.928
<v Speaker 2>ever be ready for a relationship.

0:55:36.968 --> 0:55:37.328
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:55:37.528 --> 0:55:40.808
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what the future brings. It's not even

0:55:40.848 --> 0:55:45.328
<v Speaker 2>in my vision right now. I don't need that happy

0:55:45.448 --> 0:55:47.968
<v Speaker 2>ever after marriage anymore because I'm already happy. You're gonna

0:55:48.008 --> 0:55:50.248
<v Speaker 2>live happily ever after with my two girls.

0:56:05.648 --> 0:56:08.288
<v Speaker 1>Everyone Has An Eggs it's a Minty Media production and

0:56:08.368 --> 0:56:11.488
<v Speaker 1>proudly part of the Mama A Network. It's written and

0:56:11.568 --> 0:56:14.808
<v Speaker 1>narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

0:56:15.128 --> 0:56:17.328
<v Speaker 1>If you like what you've heard, support the podcast by

0:56:17.408 --> 0:56:20.928
<v Speaker 1>hitting subscribe, writing a review, and leaving us five stars.

0:56:21.328 --> 0:56:24.167
<v Speaker 1>You can also follow us on Instagram at Everyone has

0:56:24.168 --> 0:56:26.128
<v Speaker 1>an X. And if you have a story you'd like

0:56:26.208 --> 0:56:28.567
<v Speaker 1>to share, you can contact us at Everyone Has an

0:56:28.768 --> 0:56:32.408
<v Speaker 1>X at mintimedia dot com dot you, or submissions at

0:56:32.448 --> 0:56:35.047
<v Speaker 1>momamya dot com dot you with the word submission in

0:56:35.088 --> 0:56:38.128
<v Speaker 1>the subject field. And while you're waiting for the next episode,

0:56:38.168 --> 0:56:41.928
<v Speaker 1>why not check out my other podcast, Not Another Crime Podcast,

0:56:42.168 --> 0:56:45.608
<v Speaker 1>where I discuss with my co host, comedian Sammy Peterson,

0:56:45.728 --> 0:56:48.968
<v Speaker 1>the true crimes we find them most fascinating. Search Not

0:56:49.088 --> 0:56:51.527
<v Speaker 1>Another Crime Podcast on your favorite podcast app.