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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Me podcast, Muma Me, your

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Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This

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Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on. This episode deals with discussion of

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Speaker 1: depression and suicide. Listener, discretion is advised. We've all heard

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Speaker 1: this saying, if it seems too good to be true,

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Speaker 1: it probably is. But isn't that a terrible way to

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Speaker 1: look at life, because if you go into everything with negativity,

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Speaker 1: you might miss the best thing that's out there waiting

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Speaker 1: for you.

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Speaker 2: With my first marriage, because he was so absent emotionally

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Speaker 2: and physically in that marriage that when I was with Luke,

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Speaker 2: he was there all the time.

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Speaker 3: We did everything together.

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Speaker 2: He was so emotionally available, we were so connected that

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Speaker 2: it made my fears of a found marriage go. I

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Speaker 2: felt safe, I felt secure in this relationship. I didn't

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Speaker 2: have any doubts. I was like, this is my one,

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Speaker 2: this is the one that I was supposed to be

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Speaker 2: with from the start.

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Speaker 1: But dear listener, the saying is a common saying for

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Speaker 1: a reason. What if sometimes when your gut is telling

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Speaker 1: you this may all just be too good, it is.

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Speaker 2: I remember just looking at him one day in the

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Speaker 2: eye and I said, look, you need to just be

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Speaker 2: honest with me. I can't keep healing or trying to

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Speaker 2: heal and then getting another blow and finding out something Alice,

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Speaker 2: you need to rip it off like a band aid.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an Ex.

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Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Madison's story

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Speaker 1: is about a guy named Luke, but before we meet him,

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Speaker 1: we need to delve a little into Madison's backstory. You see,

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Speaker 1: she was married before Luke came along. As they say,

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Speaker 1: everyone has an.

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Speaker 2: Ex I met my first husband in my early twenties,

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Speaker 2: and about six months into that relationship I did for pregnant.

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Speaker 2: We didn't plan on that pregnancy at all. I do

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Speaker 2: have a history of Andrew metrosis, so that's why I

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Speaker 2: guess the pregnancy. We armed an ard and then we thought, no,

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Speaker 2: I really wanted to be a mum and this might

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Speaker 2: be my only opportunity to have a baby, and I

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Speaker 2: think we had the family pressure of getting married, so

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Speaker 2: we followed through with that. Shortly after we got married,

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Speaker 2: we then did try for another baby, so we had

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Speaker 2: two beautiful children, and we had a home together. Everything

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Speaker 2: looked perfect, but it was quite a tumultuous marriage. He

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Speaker 2: was a big party boy, he was never home. I

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Speaker 2: felt like a single mum the whole time, and it

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Speaker 2: kind of just ran its course. So in twenty eighteen

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Speaker 2: we called it quits. In total, we were together for

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Speaker 2: ten years before we decided to split. Then the end,

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Speaker 2: it just got too hard and I needed to make

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Speaker 2: the break. I did feel heartbroken, more disappointed. I didn't

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Speaker 2: want to let my parents down. I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: let my children down. I didn't want to let just

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Speaker 2: society down. Like that's a huge shame around a broken marriage,

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Speaker 2: especially being so young. I was the first of my

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Speaker 2: family to ever go through a divorce, after first of

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Speaker 2: all my friends to ever go through it, so it

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Speaker 2: was difficult in that perspective, Like I knew it was

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Speaker 2: a marriage that wasn't right and that love wasn't there,

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Speaker 2: but it was a big hurdle to get over the

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Speaker 2: shame of having a broken marriage.

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Speaker 3: I also put that off.

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Speaker 2: The table of ever getting married again, because the fear

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Speaker 2: of ever going through another marriage breakdown was just too

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Speaker 2: hard for me to even manage or cope with or

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Speaker 2: even imagine that could be a possibility. So as much

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Speaker 2: as I wanted it, the marriage part of it, I

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Speaker 2: just I kind of blocked that out and thought I

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Speaker 2: just wouldn't do that again.

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Speaker 1: But that certainly didn't mean she didn't want love again.

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Speaker 2: I'm a hopeless romantic love love. I had dated often

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Speaker 2: on a little bit, but no one really got my attention.

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Speaker 2: I didn't really have that sparkle, that connection, or I

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Speaker 2: didn't really say future with anyone until I laid eyes

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Speaker 2: on Luke. It was this instant connection like I had

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Speaker 2: never felt before, and I was like, wow, this is

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Speaker 2: what they describe in the movie. Is that feeling when

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Speaker 2: you just know? And people used to say when you know,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I was like, whatever I did. I

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Speaker 2: looked at him and I was like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: this guy's an absolute angel. So it was at my house.

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Speaker 2: They say that don't come knocking on your door, but

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Speaker 2: apparently they no. I was having a bit of a

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Speaker 2: party at my house, just a few people around, and

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Speaker 2: one of my friends had advised Luke to come over

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Speaker 2: and he just randomly rocked up. I just saw him

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Speaker 2: and I was like, Oh my god, who is this guy?

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Speaker 2: And we started talking, and I didn't really think much

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Speaker 2: of it. But from there I just suddenly saw him

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Speaker 2: everywhere at my local cafe, or turn of around and

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Speaker 2: he's at the local Ida shop.

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Speaker 3: I'll turn around and he's there.

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Speaker 2: Just randomly, all the time, I'd see this guy, and

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Speaker 2: sometimes I can be a bit woo woo, and I

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Speaker 2: can be a bit like, oh, it's a sign. And

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Speaker 2: I took that as a sign, and I was like,

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Speaker 2: maybe this guy's meant to be in my life. He

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Speaker 2: ended up finding me on Instagram and messaging me and saying,

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Speaker 2: why don't you stop stalking me and just let me

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Speaker 2: take you out for a date. And I was like okay.

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Speaker 2: I was like, that's so cheeky, like charming, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, okay, you win, Let's go on a date.

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Speaker 2: So we went on a date, and literally from that

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Speaker 2: first date we were inseparable.

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Speaker 3: I thought he was the hardest thing I've ever seen.

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Speaker 2: He was like this bad boy image but had like

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Speaker 2: a golden retriever personality. He looked like he'd be naughty,

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Speaker 2: he looked like you'd driver Harley, but then he also

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Speaker 2: had this beautiful soft interior. He had these big puppy eyes,

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Speaker 2: and I just fell in love with He was really charming.

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Speaker 3: He got me. It felt like he just understood me.

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Speaker 2: If I would say I was having a bad endo

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Speaker 2: flare up, he would drop a hot wadi ball at

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Speaker 2: my door. I'd go out for dinner with my girlfriends

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Speaker 2: and he'd bring up the restaurant and pay for my dinners.

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Speaker 2: He would do all these beautiful things.

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Speaker 3: Randomly.

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Speaker 2: He'd call me at work and I'd like, oh gosh,

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Speaker 2: we're just talking that. Me and my girlfriend we were

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Speaker 2: saying how much we were craving cheeseburgers. Next minute, Uber

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Speaker 2: Eats comes with cheeseburgers. He was just perfect. My first

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Speaker 2: husband was so emotionally absent and was never available and

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Speaker 2: was never there. So when I was getting this from

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Speaker 2: a guy, I'd never had it and it was all

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Speaker 2: I ever wanted before my first husband. So I just

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Speaker 2: literally lapped it up. I was like, Wow, this is

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Speaker 2: all I ever wanted. He was a little bit younger

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Speaker 2: than I was, about two years younger. He didn't have

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Speaker 2: any children, he didn't have a relationship with his mother.

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Speaker 2: I think that that is something that he when he

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Speaker 2: saw me being that mum roll. When he was introduced

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Speaker 2: to the girls. It was kind of like he did

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Speaker 2: like that side of me. It was an attractive side

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Speaker 2: that he enjoyed of me. He's used to say to

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Speaker 2: me that he always envisioned himself with a person that

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Speaker 2: had children. He never really wanted them or had an

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Speaker 2: earning for them. So he said, I never envisioned myself

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Speaker 2: to have children of my own. I always thought I

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Speaker 2: would have step children. So he was fine with the

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Speaker 2: fact that I had two girls. I was really cautious

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Speaker 2: about inviting anyone into my children's lives, so I would

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Speaker 2: only see him when the girls were with their father,

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Speaker 2: so that was every second weekend, but every second weekend

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Speaker 2: we were joined at the hips. It was probably about

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Speaker 2: five months into relationship when I thought, Okay, I see

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Speaker 2: a future of this guy. He's shown me great qualities,

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Speaker 2: he's patient. I will introduce him to the girls. The

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Speaker 2: break up wasn't great with my first husband, and I

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Speaker 2: would get quite nasty and aggressive emails now and again,

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Speaker 2: and I was telling Luke that I had another one,

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Speaker 2: and Luke knew where my ex husband went to the gym.

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Speaker 2: So Luke went to the gym when my ex husband

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Speaker 2: would be there, knowing that he would be there at

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Speaker 2: that time to confront him, and he said, look, I'm

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Speaker 2: with Madison now. If you write her any more emails,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to be who you need to speak to.

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Speaker 2: I have her back now, so you can basically piss off.

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Speaker 2: And to me, I was like, oh my gosh, I've

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Speaker 2: never had a man stand up for me or have

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Speaker 2: my back like that, Like this guy's got me. This

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Speaker 2: guy's protecting me like I've never been protected before. So

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Speaker 2: that was another reason why I kind of was like,

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Speaker 2: this guy is someone who I went in my life forever.

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Speaker 2: He's showing me all the traits that I want in

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Speaker 2: a partner and that he would be someone that I

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Speaker 2: would want to invite into their lives.

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Speaker 3: I just wanted that.

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Speaker 2: Picture perfect family, and especially for my girls. They didn't

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Speaker 2: deserve to have a broken family, and I wanted to

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Speaker 2: have that family unit for them. I wanted to go

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Speaker 2: on family hall, I wanted to go to family barbecues.

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Speaker 2: I wanted them to have that father figure at home

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Speaker 2: for them, and it just wasn't the three of us.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I really did want to have a family

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Speaker 2: again for them.

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Speaker 1: So the time came, Madison's girls were six and eight,

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Speaker 1: and had never met a parent's partner before. She had

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Speaker 1: no idea how it would go.

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Speaker 3: Kind of was a big do, to be honest.

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Speaker 2: So my mom and dad, who were quite involved in

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Speaker 2: my life, they're huge in my children's lives as well,

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Speaker 2: so we were really tight family. It was a public holiday,

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Speaker 2: and I remember we all had the day off and

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Speaker 2: my sister and her husband her two children also came

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Speaker 2: and we went to a Lama farm and we had

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Speaker 2: this big picnic and we drove there and my youngest

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Speaker 2: was actually cassick in the way there and we had

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Speaker 2: to pull over and Luke ran across the road to

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Speaker 2: the petrol station to go get her a bottle of

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Speaker 2: water to go get her a bucket and some wet

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Speaker 2: wives and was looking after her as I was by

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Speaker 2: the side of the road as well with her. But

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Speaker 2: the way he just took control, pulled the car over,

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Speaker 2: ran and got all this stuff for her, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, oh my gosh, this is so sweet. Then

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Speaker 2: we got to the Lama farm and I remember always

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Speaker 2: thinking in my head that my youngest is probably going

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Speaker 2: to be the hardest one to crack. And there was

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Speaker 2: a moment at the Lama farm we were all together,

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Speaker 2: and Luke had to go back to the car to

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Speaker 2: get something, and my youngest went, I'll go with you,

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Speaker 2: and they started to walk off, and she grabbed his

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Speaker 2: hand and they walked off together, hand in hand, and

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Speaker 2: I remember just looking at my mom and we both

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Speaker 2: had tears in our eyes. He would show up for

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Speaker 2: them was unbelievable. He would turn up to their netball games,

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Speaker 2: cheering them. On some days during the school holidays, I'd

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Speaker 2: have to go to work and he was like, don't worry, baby,

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Speaker 2: I'll work from home today.

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Speaker 3: I've got the girls. You go to work.

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Speaker 2: Just little things. I remember it was my eldest tenth birthday.

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Speaker 2: I said, do I want to do something special? And

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Speaker 2: he was like, what do you want to do? And

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Speaker 2: I went to work. When I got home, he had

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Speaker 2: hand built a tpee bed around her bed, put fairy

219
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Speaker 2: lights all in her room, made this sign happy Birthday,

220
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Speaker 2: and this room was incredible. It was like a tent

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Speaker 2: that he built while we were working at school. And

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Speaker 2: she came home to this massive surprise that I even

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Speaker 2: didn't have any idea about, and I just burst into

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Speaker 2: tears on my sword. I was like, oh my goodness,

225
00:11:33,928 --> 00:11:36,648
Speaker 2: you spent all day and all your money to put

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Speaker 2: together this beautiful surprise.

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Speaker 3: They just adored him.

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Speaker 2: He couldn't have been a better step parent to my children.

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Speaker 2: The way I saw him with my girls and the

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Speaker 2: way that they looked at him, it just made me

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Speaker 2: fall in love with him so much. The love I

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Speaker 2: had for him was just so much stronger, because you're

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Speaker 2: not just going to take on me, but you're taking

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Speaker 2: on two little ones like I come into the package

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Speaker 2: deal and if someone can do that, then I just

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Speaker 2: have so much respect for them. And he just treated

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Speaker 2: them so beautifully. Even as a partner. I couldn't have

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Speaker 2: faulted him. He was so attentive, so beautiful. He would

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Speaker 2: go over to my mom's house and just drop over coffee. Randomly.

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Speaker 2: He would take my dad to the movies because he

241
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Speaker 2: knew that my dad wanted to see Top Gun and

242
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Speaker 2: no one wanted to go with him, so he'd be like,

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Speaker 2: I'm going to take your dad to gold class and

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Speaker 2: take him to the movies. He was just adored by

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Speaker 2: my parents, my friends, my kids. He was perfect. You

246
00:12:30,608 --> 00:12:33,328
Speaker 2: couldn't have written a better guy. He was picture perfect.

247
00:12:33,928 --> 00:12:35,487
Speaker 2: I had him on a pedestal. I couldn't have loved

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Speaker 2: that man anymore if I tried.

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Speaker 1: The next step, of course, was to move in together.

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Speaker 2: It was only six months into our relationship and his

251
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Speaker 2: lease was up and we were spending every night together.

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Speaker 3: Anyway.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who kind of brought up the idea,

254
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Speaker 2: but it was mentioned that he would move in, so

255
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Speaker 2: I agreed. But a week before he was supposed to

256
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Speaker 2: movie and I pulled the pin. I just started to think, no,

257
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Speaker 2: I don't want to get trapped again. I'd got a

258
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Speaker 2: bit scared. I got coffee. I said no, actually, you

259
00:13:06,048 --> 00:13:10,928
Speaker 2: can't move in. Two weeks later he just would be like, yeah, cool, okay,

260
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Speaker 2: oh no, that's fine. If you don't like, if you're

261
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Speaker 2: not ready, that's fine. And then two weeks I was like, no,

262
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Speaker 2: I'm ready. He's like, okay, I'm packing my stuff again.

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Speaker 2: Moving in felt so normal, nothing changed. He was so

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Speaker 2: easy to live with, The girls loved him. He was

265
00:13:23,328 --> 00:13:25,607
Speaker 2: there all the time anyway, so really like it was

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Speaker 2: just really no different, to be honest, but yeah, just

267
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Speaker 2: seamlessly nothing went wrong at all. Everything was completely fine.

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Speaker 2: He would sometimes see the school drop offs for me,

269
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Speaker 2: sometimes the school pickups for me. Our little triangle of

270
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Speaker 2: me and the two girls just turned into a square

271
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Speaker 2: so perfectly. It just worked so well. We never had

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Speaker 2: disagreements on anything. We actually never fought. We never had disagreements.

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Speaker 2: We were always laughing and carrying on and being goofy,

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Speaker 2: and we'd go out to parties and people would be like,

275
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Speaker 2: you guys, a couple goals like you two just get

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Speaker 2: along so well. He made the boring life tasks fun,

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Speaker 2: like grocery shopping with him was fun, like walking the

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Speaker 2: dogs was fun because we were so we're just best

279
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Speaker 2: friends and we loved each other's company that it was

280
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Speaker 2: never a boring moment.

281
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Speaker 3: Everything was fun.

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Speaker 1: We know what would usually come next. But Madison was

283
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Speaker 1: staunch on the fact she didn't want to get married again.

284
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Speaker 2: It was October twenty twenty one and we were on

285
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Speaker 2: a holiday in Queensland and he proposed to me. I

286
00:14:30,968 --> 00:14:34,168
Speaker 2: was a little taken aback, and because I had this

287
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:37,528
Speaker 2: big fear of having a found marriage, I was like

288
00:14:38,528 --> 00:14:40,768
Speaker 2: a little hesitant. But then I thought, no, this Ben

289
00:14:41,008 --> 00:14:43,368
Speaker 2: is so perfect. There's absolutely no way I shouldn't be

290
00:14:43,408 --> 00:14:47,408
Speaker 2: marrying this man. So of course I said yes. He

291
00:14:47,528 --> 00:14:50,848
Speaker 2: knew my biggest fear was having another fouled marriage. That

292
00:14:51,008 --> 00:14:55,648
Speaker 2: was quite vocal. I would always stay like, I'm so

293
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:57,488
Speaker 2: scared of this happening again. I just don't think I

294
00:14:57,528 --> 00:15:01,288
Speaker 2: could live through like another failed marriage. I'm not even forty.

295
00:15:01,328 --> 00:15:06,128
Speaker 2: Imagine having another fouded marriage, the humiliation and the feeling

296
00:15:06,128 --> 00:15:07,848
Speaker 2: of failure. I just wouldn't be able to cope with

297
00:15:07,848 --> 00:15:11,168
Speaker 2: that again. He just alay reassured me. I just never

298
00:15:11,208 --> 00:15:13,328
Speaker 2: really felt like there was going to be an issue there,

299
00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:18,168
Speaker 2: our communication, our trust. I couldn't have faulted any of it.

300
00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:21,808
Speaker 2: There was nothing lacking for me to ever second guess it.

301
00:15:22,648 --> 00:15:25,568
Speaker 2: We were so in love, like so in love that

302
00:15:26,328 --> 00:15:28,168
Speaker 2: if he probably said, like, there's a chuffle down the rod,

303
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Speaker 2: let's get married up, I would have been like, yeah,

304
00:15:29,648 --> 00:15:33,088
Speaker 2: okay at that time because of just how persulted I

305
00:15:33,288 --> 00:15:36,168
Speaker 2: was that it kind of took away that fear being

306
00:15:36,168 --> 00:15:38,688
Speaker 2: with him, took away the fear of it failing, because

307
00:15:39,128 --> 00:15:42,688
Speaker 2: he was so perfect that he didn't give me any

308
00:15:42,728 --> 00:15:45,488
Speaker 2: reason to everything that that wasn't going to be forever.

309
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Speaker 2: After behind that proposal, I felt safe. I felt secure

310
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Speaker 2: in this relationship. I didn't have any doubts. I was like,

311
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Speaker 2: this is my one, this is the one that I

312
00:15:56,528 --> 00:15:58,808
Speaker 2: was supposed to be with from the start, but just

313
00:15:58,888 --> 00:16:03,208
Speaker 2: came later in life. So I had money from the

314
00:16:03,248 --> 00:16:06,208
Speaker 2: sale of my first house from my first marriage, so

315
00:16:06,248 --> 00:16:08,448
Speaker 2: I had quite a lump sum to put a deposit

316
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Speaker 2: on a house. Came with nothing but a suitcase.

317
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Speaker 3: But I didn't care.

318
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Speaker 2: That honestly didn't mean anything to me. I just loved

319
00:16:14,528 --> 00:16:16,768
Speaker 2: him so much. He could have been homeless for all

320
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:20,168
Speaker 2: I cared. I really didn't. So I wanted to have

321
00:16:20,328 --> 00:16:23,648
Speaker 2: our family a house. I wanted to have that beautiful

322
00:16:23,648 --> 00:16:27,248
Speaker 2: family unit. So I bought a house for us and

323
00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:31,248
Speaker 2: put his name on it as well as mine. So

324
00:16:31,448 --> 00:16:33,768
Speaker 2: we went through that process of buying a house, and

325
00:16:33,848 --> 00:16:36,128
Speaker 2: in that time, a few months later was our wedding.

326
00:16:37,128 --> 00:16:40,808
Speaker 2: He said vowels and gave my two children promise rings,

327
00:16:41,288 --> 00:16:45,648
Speaker 2: and that brocked me. So the vows basically were was

328
00:16:45,728 --> 00:16:47,528
Speaker 2: to be there for the children for the rest of

329
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:50,568
Speaker 2: their lives, that he loved them, that he's always going

330
00:16:50,608 --> 00:16:54,968
Speaker 2: to love their mum and them equally, and it was

331
00:16:55,048 --> 00:16:58,528
Speaker 2: just the most beautiful moment. The night before our wedding,

332
00:16:59,368 --> 00:17:02,048
Speaker 2: we had an airbnb there where I would be getting

333
00:17:02,088 --> 00:17:04,807
Speaker 2: ready the morning of the wedding, so we stayed there

334
00:17:04,848 --> 00:17:07,048
Speaker 2: together the night before, just the two of us, and

335
00:17:07,167 --> 00:17:10,407
Speaker 2: I remember he was just out on the chair because

336
00:17:10,407 --> 00:17:12,368
Speaker 2: we were at the water and he just was on

337
00:17:12,447 --> 00:17:15,288
Speaker 2: his phone all night and I was like, are you okay,

338
00:17:15,288 --> 00:17:18,008
Speaker 2: and he's like, yeah, no, I'm just kind of processing everything.

339
00:17:18,088 --> 00:17:19,648
Speaker 2: And I kind of feel a bit sad that I

340
00:17:19,688 --> 00:17:22,447
Speaker 2: don't have any family that will be attending the wedding tomorrow.

341
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:24,768
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, fair enough, and he's like, I'm

342
00:17:24,768 --> 00:17:26,688
Speaker 2: just going to take some time. So I didn't press it.

343
00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:29,128
Speaker 2: I'd just let him be and I just thought, Okay,

344
00:17:29,288 --> 00:17:32,168
Speaker 2: he's just processing this is a huge moment for both

345
00:17:32,168 --> 00:17:36,728
Speaker 2: of us tomorrow, and he doesn't have family coming or relatives.

346
00:17:37,368 --> 00:17:40,007
Speaker 2: He didn't have a good relationship with his mum. His

347
00:17:40,128 --> 00:17:43,808
Speaker 2: mom was an alcoholic and was abusive, so he left

348
00:17:43,888 --> 00:17:46,648
Speaker 2: her when he was twelve to go find his father

349
00:17:46,728 --> 00:17:50,167
Speaker 2: who lived in Queensland. And his father was a drug

350
00:17:50,248 --> 00:17:53,688
Speaker 2: user and addict, and he would steal money to feed himself.

351
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:55,888
Speaker 2: And I used to say to him all the time,

352
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:58,328
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of the

353
00:17:58,328 --> 00:18:01,688
Speaker 2: person that you are. You could have ended up either

354
00:18:01,688 --> 00:18:04,168
Speaker 2: in jail or doing the same things as what your

355
00:18:04,208 --> 00:18:07,128
Speaker 2: parents are and look at you. You're amazing. You've got

356
00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:10,728
Speaker 2: a beautiful family that love you, you have your head

357
00:18:10,768 --> 00:18:14,488
Speaker 2: screwed on. You're an amazing person. You have a career, you

358
00:18:14,528 --> 00:18:17,488
Speaker 2: have goals and you go get them like you're incredible.

359
00:18:17,528 --> 00:18:19,768
Speaker 2: You should be so proud of yourself. And I would

360
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:22,247
Speaker 2: telling him all the time how proud I was of

361
00:18:22,328 --> 00:18:25,328
Speaker 2: him for getting through the life that he had gone through.

362
00:18:25,808 --> 00:18:26,208
Speaker 3: He did.

363
00:18:27,688 --> 00:18:29,888
Speaker 2: It was like a grandmar like figure to him. It

364
00:18:29,968 --> 00:18:33,848
Speaker 2: was his mother's boyfriend's parents when he was growing up,

365
00:18:33,888 --> 00:18:37,407
Speaker 2: so wasn't a biological relative who he still spoke to.

366
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:42,128
Speaker 2: But during our relationship, he told me that he cut

367
00:18:42,168 --> 00:18:45,288
Speaker 2: her off because she disliked me because I was a

368
00:18:45,288 --> 00:18:48,088
Speaker 2: single mom and I was taking advantage of him. So

369
00:18:48,288 --> 00:18:50,648
Speaker 2: I got really hurt by that because I said, look,

370
00:18:50,848 --> 00:18:54,088
Speaker 2: this is the last sort of relative that you have.

371
00:18:54,248 --> 00:18:56,008
Speaker 2: I don't want you to cut her off because of me.

372
00:18:56,088 --> 00:18:59,248
Speaker 2: I can handle that. I didn't want to be responsible

373
00:18:59,328 --> 00:19:01,288
Speaker 2: for you losing that person.

374
00:19:00,968 --> 00:19:01,848
Speaker 3: In your life.

375
00:19:02,288 --> 00:19:04,088
Speaker 2: So he did speak to her now and again, but

376
00:19:04,168 --> 00:19:08,088
Speaker 2: it did really dwindle. I had a beautiful family and

377
00:19:08,128 --> 00:19:10,408
Speaker 2: I thought, wow, my family will love you the way

378
00:19:10,448 --> 00:19:12,568
Speaker 2: that you were meant to be loved. And we have

379
00:19:12,688 --> 00:19:14,608
Speaker 2: enough love to go around for everyone, so comeing to

380
00:19:14,728 --> 00:19:17,088
Speaker 2: our family. You don't need to worry about that anymore.

381
00:19:17,448 --> 00:19:19,248
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, they had each other.

382
00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:22,288
Speaker 1: They were each other's family, and while they had already

383
00:19:22,288 --> 00:19:24,528
Speaker 1: been for two years, now it was official.

384
00:19:24,848 --> 00:19:27,528
Speaker 3: The first year in marriage was strange.

385
00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:31,288
Speaker 2: He was working a lot, and he would say that

386
00:19:31,408 --> 00:19:34,568
Speaker 2: he was working a lot for our family, so I

387
00:19:34,568 --> 00:19:36,888
Speaker 2: didn't question it. I was like, Okay, that's beautiful, but

388
00:19:37,328 --> 00:19:41,968
Speaker 2: we never really saw any of that value, any money

389
00:19:42,088 --> 00:19:45,808
Speaker 2: or anything like that. He began to work his normal

390
00:19:46,048 --> 00:19:48,328
Speaker 2: full time job, and then on the two days that

391
00:19:48,368 --> 00:19:50,568
Speaker 2: he would have off, he would do cash work for

392
00:19:50,608 --> 00:19:53,648
Speaker 2: his friends. So he was working seven days a week,

393
00:19:53,848 --> 00:19:57,008
Speaker 2: so I barely saw him. He was at home at night.

394
00:19:57,328 --> 00:19:58,848
Speaker 2: He had a job in sale, so he was always

395
00:19:58,888 --> 00:20:01,328
Speaker 2: on his phone. And I was going through a little

396
00:20:01,328 --> 00:20:04,407
Speaker 2: bit of stress with my eldest daughter at school as well,

397
00:20:04,608 --> 00:20:07,207
Speaker 2: so I was probably a little bit preoccupied with getting

398
00:20:07,248 --> 00:20:10,848
Speaker 2: her sorted at school. So I think we both kind

399
00:20:10,888 --> 00:20:15,167
Speaker 2: of were busy and we kind of drifted away a

400
00:20:15,208 --> 00:20:17,928
Speaker 2: little bit. But I thought our roots are so connected,

401
00:20:17,968 --> 00:20:20,048
Speaker 2: we're so in love, that this is just one of

402
00:20:20,088 --> 00:20:22,088
Speaker 2: those marriage or bumps that you know you go through.

403
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:24,728
Speaker 2: And I used to say to him, things are really

404
00:20:24,768 --> 00:20:27,487
Speaker 2: hard at the minute with like my eldest and all

405
00:20:27,488 --> 00:20:28,968
Speaker 2: the rest of it. But as long as I got you,

406
00:20:29,208 --> 00:20:32,128
Speaker 2: I know that everything's okay. And I remember to say

407
00:20:32,168 --> 00:20:33,927
Speaker 2: that to him all the time, and that would be

408
00:20:34,008 --> 00:20:34,688
Speaker 2: my way of thinking.

409
00:20:34,728 --> 00:20:36,447
Speaker 3: I was like, Okay, I can get through this. I

410
00:20:36,488 --> 00:20:37,008
Speaker 3: have Luke.

411
00:20:37,448 --> 00:20:39,248
Speaker 2: Luke and I are so solid and we can get

412
00:20:39,248 --> 00:20:43,248
Speaker 2: through anything together, So this little bump will soon pass

413
00:20:43,448 --> 00:20:47,208
Speaker 2: and we'll be fine. So a relationship at such never

414
00:20:47,288 --> 00:20:50,167
Speaker 2: really had issues, Like we never fought or anything, but

415
00:20:50,248 --> 00:20:52,248
Speaker 2: it was like kind of like the external factors of

416
00:20:52,328 --> 00:20:54,368
Speaker 2: life that was just getting us kind of like down

417
00:20:54,408 --> 00:20:56,407
Speaker 2: a little bit. But we had each other all the time,

418
00:20:56,688 --> 00:20:58,927
Speaker 2: and with the less time that we spent together, like

419
00:20:59,128 --> 00:21:01,728
Speaker 2: I really didn't like not having him around all the

420
00:21:01,728 --> 00:21:04,488
Speaker 2: time because I loved his company and whenever I was

421
00:21:04,528 --> 00:21:08,487
Speaker 2: with him, I felt this instant boost of happiness.

422
00:21:08,688 --> 00:21:11,167
Speaker 3: He was like my of dopamine.

423
00:21:11,408 --> 00:21:14,167
Speaker 2: We still went on our little holidays away together. We

424
00:21:14,168 --> 00:21:16,288
Speaker 2: were still doing our dinner nights and things like that.

425
00:21:16,368 --> 00:21:19,328
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think life was just so busy. That's

426
00:21:19,368 --> 00:21:21,648
Speaker 2: the thing. Like we still had this mental love for

427
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,568
Speaker 2: each other and still wanted to be with each other,

428
00:21:23,608 --> 00:21:25,808
Speaker 2: take the dogs for walks, and our little things that

429
00:21:25,808 --> 00:21:28,688
Speaker 2: we did together were still there, but we were just busy.

430
00:21:28,968 --> 00:21:32,768
Speaker 2: Life was really busy. He was working away, and it

431
00:21:32,808 --> 00:21:37,048
Speaker 2: came up to our first anniversary. So we were saying,

432
00:21:37,248 --> 00:21:39,368
Speaker 2: what should we do for this anniversary, like gift wise,

433
00:21:39,408 --> 00:21:42,048
Speaker 2: let's do something different, something a bit weird. Let's do

434
00:21:42,088 --> 00:21:44,288
Speaker 2: something a little bit that not everyone else would do.

435
00:21:44,328 --> 00:21:48,207
Speaker 2: So we decided to get tattoos matching tattoos. It was

436
00:21:48,288 --> 00:21:50,648
Speaker 2: half a heart. I had one, half he had the other.

437
00:21:51,368 --> 00:21:54,967
Speaker 2: It had the restaurant name, the restaurant name where he proposed.

438
00:21:55,568 --> 00:21:58,208
Speaker 2: So we were getting these tattoos together. And the night

439
00:21:58,248 --> 00:22:00,688
Speaker 2: before that he called me when he was away still

440
00:22:00,728 --> 00:22:03,328
Speaker 2: and he was acting a little bit strange, and I

441
00:22:03,408 --> 00:22:04,848
Speaker 2: just kind of didn't really think much of it. He

442
00:22:04,888 --> 00:22:06,848
Speaker 2: was going out to have drinks with the boys they

443
00:22:06,928 --> 00:22:08,928
Speaker 2: just knocked off from the job, and I was like, awesome,

444
00:22:09,168 --> 00:22:11,808
Speaker 2: you've worked so hard, go have drinks or see you tomorrow,

445
00:22:12,608 --> 00:22:15,168
Speaker 2: And that's what happened. He came home the next day

446
00:22:15,288 --> 00:22:17,008
Speaker 2: we went to go get our tattoo study and was

447
00:22:17,048 --> 00:22:20,248
Speaker 2: acting super sheepish, really weird. He wouldn't look at me

448
00:22:20,248 --> 00:22:23,328
Speaker 2: in the eye. He was just being odd, and I

449
00:22:23,368 --> 00:22:25,008
Speaker 2: just put it down to the fact that he was hungover.

450
00:22:25,888 --> 00:22:28,048
Speaker 2: He wasn't someone that often had a boy's night and

451
00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:29,768
Speaker 2: would leave to go out with the boys. So I

452
00:22:29,768 --> 00:22:31,888
Speaker 2: actually encouraged him to do that that night. I was like,

453
00:22:31,928 --> 00:22:35,487
Speaker 2: go out with the boys, let your hair down. I

454
00:22:35,528 --> 00:22:38,328
Speaker 2: just thought, you know, you're hungover, you're tired, you're probably

455
00:22:38,328 --> 00:22:41,368
Speaker 2: just feeling like shit today, and that's fine. So we

456
00:22:41,408 --> 00:22:44,688
Speaker 2: went and got these tattoos done, and then the next

457
00:22:44,768 --> 00:22:48,368
Speaker 2: day I had a girlfriend's fortieth so I went away

458
00:22:48,848 --> 00:22:52,928
Speaker 2: on a girl's weekend with our girlfriends. The next morning,

459
00:22:53,328 --> 00:22:55,368
Speaker 2: I was at a cafe with one of my best

460
00:22:55,368 --> 00:22:58,008
Speaker 2: friends having breakfast. We were driving home from where we

461
00:22:58,008 --> 00:23:01,528
Speaker 2: were at the fortieth and I got a DM message

462
00:23:01,568 --> 00:23:03,928
Speaker 2: from a random girl and it was one of those

463
00:23:04,008 --> 00:23:07,528
Speaker 2: hey girls, and you know that message isn't going to

464
00:23:07,608 --> 00:23:10,728
Speaker 2: follow through with anything good. And she's like just saying,

465
00:23:10,728 --> 00:23:14,808
Speaker 2: you know your husband's got Tinder. Not one percent of

466
00:23:14,848 --> 00:23:16,368
Speaker 2: me believed. I was like, oh my god, Babe.

467
00:23:16,408 --> 00:23:16,848
Speaker 3: I called him.

468
00:23:16,888 --> 00:23:19,328
Speaker 2: I was like, Babe, there's a fake Tinder profile of you.

469
00:23:20,168 --> 00:23:21,968
Speaker 2: And I was like, this girl just messaged me saying

470
00:23:21,968 --> 00:23:23,808
Speaker 2: that she was speaking to you on Tinder and you've

471
00:23:23,808 --> 00:23:27,167
Speaker 2: got Tinder, and he just calmly and coolly, was like,

472
00:23:27,768 --> 00:23:29,328
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna have a shower, call you back in

473
00:23:29,368 --> 00:23:33,208
Speaker 2: a sec my pardon. So I sat there at this

474
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,167
Speaker 2: cafe which seemed like forever before he called me back,

475
00:23:36,648 --> 00:23:38,568
Speaker 2: and he finally called me back and he goes, you, no,

476
00:23:38,648 --> 00:23:41,608
Speaker 2: it was me, and I just remember.

477
00:23:41,288 --> 00:23:42,248
Speaker 3: I was just shell shock.

478
00:23:42,848 --> 00:23:46,488
Speaker 2: It's like the world was spinning and I was just

479
00:23:46,528 --> 00:23:50,447
Speaker 2: standing there still, and I had to drive home for

480
00:23:50,488 --> 00:23:55,008
Speaker 2: about forty five minutes to get home, and I remember

481
00:23:55,048 --> 00:23:58,487
Speaker 2: I pulled over because the girls were at home and

482
00:23:58,568 --> 00:24:01,128
Speaker 2: he was at work, and I called my mom and

483
00:24:01,168 --> 00:24:05,088
Speaker 2: I just couldn't get the words out. I was hysterically

484
00:24:05,128 --> 00:24:07,488
Speaker 2: crying to my mum and she's like, what is wrong?

485
00:24:08,288 --> 00:24:12,167
Speaker 2: And I said Luke cheating on me and she was

486
00:24:12,248 --> 00:24:16,248
Speaker 2: like no, and I was like, yeah, he's just submitted

487
00:24:16,248 --> 00:24:19,968
Speaker 2: to it. And she came over and took the girls

488
00:24:20,128 --> 00:24:23,328
Speaker 2: back to her house. So I was there alone. When

489
00:24:23,408 --> 00:24:26,848
Speaker 2: Luke got home from work. He basically was like, yeah,

490
00:24:26,888 --> 00:24:29,128
Speaker 2: that was me, and I was like, are you kidding me?

491
00:24:29,408 --> 00:24:33,288
Speaker 2: You have a Tinder account? Actually, his excuse was, oh,

492
00:24:33,408 --> 00:24:36,168
Speaker 2: with the boys last night, they wanted to see if

493
00:24:36,168 --> 00:24:38,608
Speaker 2: the old boy still had it because he worked with

494
00:24:38,808 --> 00:24:42,528
Speaker 2: younger guys, so that was his excuse. He put it

495
00:24:42,568 --> 00:24:45,968
Speaker 2: on the other guys kind of like as a joke.

496
00:24:46,048 --> 00:24:48,208
Speaker 2: We did it, and I just looked at him. I

497
00:24:48,248 --> 00:24:50,368
Speaker 2: was like, how could you've ruin this? He used to

498
00:24:50,408 --> 00:24:51,927
Speaker 2: say to me all the time, what we have is

499
00:24:51,968 --> 00:24:54,568
Speaker 2: so perfect. No one else has what we have. He's like,

500
00:24:54,608 --> 00:24:56,967
Speaker 2: I look at my mate's relationships with their wives and

501
00:24:57,008 --> 00:24:59,648
Speaker 2: they don't have half of what we have. And I

502
00:24:59,688 --> 00:25:02,088
Speaker 2: was like, then you've just gone and ruined it. You've

503
00:25:02,128 --> 00:25:06,408
Speaker 2: got a Tinder account and ruined everything. And then that's

504
00:25:06,448 --> 00:25:08,088
Speaker 2: when he kind of broke down and said, all I

505
00:25:08,168 --> 00:25:10,848
Speaker 2: just feel so sad and I unappreciate. I needed someone

506
00:25:10,888 --> 00:25:12,888
Speaker 2: to vent too, and I needed to talk to a

507
00:25:12,928 --> 00:25:16,008
Speaker 2: stranger about how I was feeling. I'm so but you

508
00:25:16,048 --> 00:25:17,288
Speaker 2: don't get Tinder for a penpal.

509
00:25:17,928 --> 00:25:18,768
Speaker 3: I'm not that dumb.

510
00:25:19,688 --> 00:25:21,888
Speaker 2: I said, well, I need you to get out because

511
00:25:22,608 --> 00:25:25,407
Speaker 2: you know how I feel about cheating because I have

512
00:25:25,488 --> 00:25:28,128
Speaker 2: been cheated on in every relationship I've ever had, and

513
00:25:28,168 --> 00:25:31,528
Speaker 2: he's known that, so I have this huge thing about

514
00:25:31,608 --> 00:25:34,808
Speaker 2: cheating my first husband cheated on me every relationship I've

515
00:25:34,848 --> 00:25:37,608
Speaker 2: ever had, and I used to always say, like, I

516
00:25:37,648 --> 00:25:41,288
Speaker 2: feel like every male dangled the cart in front of

517
00:25:41,448 --> 00:25:44,008
Speaker 2: will cheat. And he was like, no, You've got to

518
00:25:44,048 --> 00:25:49,128
Speaker 2: stop thinking that way. So he did exactly what I

519
00:25:49,168 --> 00:25:52,768
Speaker 2: feared he would do, and I told him that he

520
00:25:52,808 --> 00:25:55,048
Speaker 2: had to leave because I couldn't look at him. He's

521
00:25:55,168 --> 00:25:57,968
Speaker 2: made me so disgusted and so angry that he could

522
00:25:58,008 --> 00:26:00,848
Speaker 2: do this to not just me, but his stepchildren, my girls.

523
00:26:01,568 --> 00:26:04,048
Speaker 2: And then he packed a bag and he went to

524
00:26:04,088 --> 00:26:07,048
Speaker 2: his mate's house for a few weeks. The weeks that

525
00:26:07,088 --> 00:26:08,928
Speaker 2: he was away, I didn't really hear much from him,

526
00:26:08,928 --> 00:26:10,648
Speaker 2: which I found a little bit strange.

527
00:26:10,648 --> 00:26:13,248
Speaker 3: He kind of just went really cold towards me. Yeah,

528
00:26:13,288 --> 00:26:14,368
Speaker 3: I felt abandoned.

529
00:26:14,608 --> 00:26:17,968
Speaker 2: I felt betrayed, and like, he's not even fighting for this.

530
00:26:19,008 --> 00:26:21,208
Speaker 2: I kind of was expecting he would be at least

531
00:26:21,328 --> 00:26:25,848
Speaker 2: groveling or apologetic or trying to speak to me and

532
00:26:25,928 --> 00:26:28,888
Speaker 2: try and fight for this, but it was just radio silence.

533
00:26:29,528 --> 00:26:32,328
Speaker 2: It just was a cold shoulder. I remember I reached

534
00:26:32,328 --> 00:26:34,528
Speaker 2: out to him, going, do you want to talk about

535
00:26:34,568 --> 00:26:36,848
Speaker 2: what's going on? And he goes, oh, I can give

536
00:26:36,888 --> 00:26:40,008
Speaker 2: you ten minutes so it was like I was fighting

537
00:26:40,168 --> 00:26:44,528
Speaker 2: for him even though he had done the betrayal to me.

538
00:26:45,928 --> 00:26:47,808
Speaker 2: He kind of just was brushing it off like it

539
00:26:47,848 --> 00:26:50,768
Speaker 2: wasn't a big deal, like it wasn't an issue, like

540
00:26:50,808 --> 00:26:53,528
Speaker 2: get over it. And the way he kind of just

541
00:26:53,568 --> 00:26:57,328
Speaker 2: dismissed it and made my feelings feel irrelevant, I kind

542
00:26:57,328 --> 00:26:59,328
Speaker 2: of thought, maybe I just need to shut up and

543
00:26:59,368 --> 00:27:03,048
Speaker 2: let this go. I just wanted him home. Basically, I

544
00:27:03,088 --> 00:27:04,288
Speaker 2: was just like, I just want you home. I just

545
00:27:04,288 --> 00:27:06,728
Speaker 2: want my loke back. I just want that person that

546
00:27:06,888 --> 00:27:09,487
Speaker 2: was my best friend, and my husband and the girls

547
00:27:09,488 --> 00:27:11,968
Speaker 2: were where's Luke sort of thing, and I just didn't

548
00:27:11,968 --> 00:27:14,128
Speaker 2: want to break their hearts either. So it kind of

549
00:27:14,128 --> 00:27:15,488
Speaker 2: got to a point where I was like, just come home.

550
00:27:16,248 --> 00:27:18,448
Speaker 2: So it was three weeks after things were still tense

551
00:27:18,488 --> 00:27:20,968
Speaker 2: because I still felt I felt icky. I've just felt

552
00:27:21,048 --> 00:27:23,608
Speaker 2: yuck about the situation, and I really felt yuck about

553
00:27:23,608 --> 00:27:28,207
Speaker 2: his response to my finding out. I said to him, like,

554
00:27:28,248 --> 00:27:31,368
Speaker 2: if you had done what you have done and then

555
00:27:31,768 --> 00:27:36,808
Speaker 2: the way you then approached this and apologized and tried

556
00:27:36,808 --> 00:27:39,448
Speaker 2: to make things better than things would be, okay, it's

557
00:27:39,488 --> 00:27:41,848
Speaker 2: the way that you've just dismissed this and made my

558
00:27:41,888 --> 00:27:44,728
Speaker 2: feelings feel irrelevant. So in that time, I thought I

559
00:27:44,768 --> 00:27:46,128
Speaker 2: need to get away for a little while and just

560
00:27:46,168 --> 00:27:48,968
Speaker 2: clean my head. So I went and stayed with a

561
00:27:49,088 --> 00:27:53,048
Speaker 2: girlfriend who lives about two hour drive away. Because I

562
00:27:53,168 --> 00:27:56,288
Speaker 2: was so embarrassed and humiliated by his behavior, I didn't

563
00:27:56,288 --> 00:27:59,207
Speaker 2: tell anyone. I didn't tell anyone that I worked with.

564
00:27:59,248 --> 00:28:01,528
Speaker 2: I didn't tell any of my friends. I didn't tell

565
00:28:01,568 --> 00:28:04,728
Speaker 2: my family. But I told my one girlfriend that lived

566
00:28:05,088 --> 00:28:07,568
Speaker 2: two hours away. So I was like, I'm just going

567
00:28:07,648 --> 00:28:10,247
Speaker 2: to go spend the weekend with her so I can

568
00:28:10,288 --> 00:28:12,568
Speaker 2: have a real girl to girl talk about this and

569
00:28:12,608 --> 00:28:14,927
Speaker 2: just event to one of my friends. And whilst I

570
00:28:15,008 --> 00:28:17,248
Speaker 2: was at her house, she had more information for me.

571
00:28:18,328 --> 00:28:21,368
Speaker 2: So she sat me down and said that at their wedding,

572
00:28:21,528 --> 00:28:26,848
Speaker 2: which was only about a year prior, Luke was tuning

573
00:28:26,888 --> 00:28:29,128
Speaker 2: one of the girls at the wedding, and then after

574
00:28:29,208 --> 00:28:32,168
Speaker 2: that was sliding into her DMS. And then that's when

575
00:28:32,208 --> 00:28:34,968
Speaker 2: I found about his cheating spree. When he was away

576
00:28:35,408 --> 00:28:38,088
Speaker 2: with his friends for those three weeks that he was out.

577
00:28:38,288 --> 00:28:41,408
Speaker 2: After I found out about the Tinder, he would message

578
00:28:41,888 --> 00:28:45,768
Speaker 2: my friends and acquaintances stuff like I had a sex

579
00:28:45,888 --> 00:28:48,848
Speaker 2: dream about you last night. It was really graphic. Don't

580
00:28:48,848 --> 00:28:51,368
Speaker 2: tell anyone but Madison and I broke up. I've always

581
00:28:51,408 --> 00:28:53,608
Speaker 2: thought that you were hot. Do you want to come around?

582
00:28:54,808 --> 00:28:58,368
Speaker 2: So there'd be girls that he was just dming, telling

583
00:28:58,408 --> 00:29:00,928
Speaker 2: them that he was thinking about them in the shower,

584
00:29:01,608 --> 00:29:04,208
Speaker 2: or he would be talking to girls while we were

585
00:29:04,248 --> 00:29:06,608
Speaker 2: out and saying I wish I was going home with

586
00:29:06,648 --> 00:29:10,288
Speaker 2: you instead of Madison. Tonight, I just broke down. And

587
00:29:10,328 --> 00:29:15,168
Speaker 2: I remember calling him when I was away and I said,

588
00:29:15,288 --> 00:29:18,888
Speaker 2: I know about all these other girls, and his response

589
00:29:19,008 --> 00:29:22,208
Speaker 2: was just so cold. He was like, yeah, what I said? Sorry,

590
00:29:22,208 --> 00:29:26,288
Speaker 2: what do you want me to do? I drove home sobbing,

591
00:29:26,448 --> 00:29:29,408
Speaker 2: like unconsolably crying, and I don't even remember the drive,

592
00:29:29,608 --> 00:29:31,208
Speaker 2: Like I don't even know how I made it home.

593
00:29:31,608 --> 00:29:34,488
Speaker 2: But when I got home, instead of him being like

594
00:29:34,888 --> 00:29:38,648
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry, or let's talk or anything, he was

595
00:29:38,688 --> 00:29:41,128
Speaker 2: sitting there at the kitchen table just eating a steak

596
00:29:41,168 --> 00:29:42,528
Speaker 2: and he just looked at me and went, hey.

597
00:29:42,928 --> 00:29:45,968
Speaker 1: Madison couldn't believe what was happening. Who was this man

598
00:29:46,328 --> 00:29:49,848
Speaker 1: where he had a loving, supportive, trustworthy, caring husband gone.

599
00:29:50,128 --> 00:29:52,728
Speaker 2: He said to me, I was a pig in those

600
00:29:52,768 --> 00:29:55,608
Speaker 2: couple of weeks, and what I did was piggory. His

601
00:29:55,688 --> 00:29:58,048
Speaker 2: words were that, he said, I was just disgusting and

602
00:29:58,088 --> 00:30:00,528
Speaker 2: I acted like a pig in those weeks. But there

603
00:30:00,568 --> 00:30:04,288
Speaker 2: was never like an apology for it. It wasn't he'd

604
00:30:04,328 --> 00:30:06,688
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, I'm sorry, but it was a hollow apology.

605
00:30:06,688 --> 00:30:08,848
Speaker 2: It's like no depth to it. There was no understanding

606
00:30:08,848 --> 00:30:10,728
Speaker 2: of the damage that he had done. It was just like,

607
00:30:10,768 --> 00:30:14,088
Speaker 2: I've done what I've done. Get over it. So that's

608
00:30:14,088 --> 00:30:16,048
Speaker 2: what she tried to do. Get over it.

609
00:30:16,408 --> 00:30:18,888
Speaker 1: If she wanted this marriage to work, she thought that

610
00:30:19,008 --> 00:30:19,608
Speaker 1: was up to her.

611
00:30:19,928 --> 00:30:22,168
Speaker 2: I always thought like if I just loved him harder,

612
00:30:22,928 --> 00:30:25,928
Speaker 2: if I was a better wife, if I was more present,

613
00:30:26,728 --> 00:30:29,728
Speaker 2: then that would make him feel better in himself that

614
00:30:29,768 --> 00:30:31,688
Speaker 2: he wouldn't need to be going to get this validation

615
00:30:31,768 --> 00:30:37,728
Speaker 2: from other people. My life felt like it had just

616
00:30:37,768 --> 00:30:40,368
Speaker 2: been torn apart. I felt like I was losing my

617
00:30:40,448 --> 00:30:44,008
Speaker 2: best friend, my husband, my family, my kid's stepdad. The

618
00:30:44,088 --> 00:30:47,448
Speaker 2: biggest fear that I thought about having this marriage breakdown

619
00:30:47,528 --> 00:30:50,328
Speaker 2: was it felt like it was coming true, like my

620
00:30:50,368 --> 00:30:52,248
Speaker 2: marriage is breaking down. This is the one thing that

621
00:30:52,288 --> 00:30:54,888
Speaker 2: I was so scared of. I can't do this to

622
00:30:54,968 --> 00:30:57,448
Speaker 2: my children again. I can't do this to my family.

623
00:30:57,568 --> 00:31:02,808
Speaker 2: And I ended up having such severe anxiety and panic

624
00:31:02,848 --> 00:31:08,248
Speaker 2: attacks that I couldn't leave the house, I couldn't work anymore,

625
00:31:08,808 --> 00:31:11,968
Speaker 2: I couldn't open my phone because every time I opened

626
00:31:11,968 --> 00:31:13,528
Speaker 2: my phone, I felt like I was going to get

627
00:31:13,528 --> 00:31:15,768
Speaker 2: another text from someone else that I just couldn't handle.

628
00:31:15,768 --> 00:31:17,688
Speaker 3: One more blow to.

629
00:31:17,608 --> 00:31:20,768
Speaker 2: The point where I didn't see any light out. There

630
00:31:20,848 --> 00:31:25,528
Speaker 2: was just darkness. And I've never suffered from any depression

631
00:31:25,568 --> 00:31:28,888
Speaker 2: in my life before, and I never quite understood it

632
00:31:29,448 --> 00:31:32,408
Speaker 2: until I hit rock bottom and I didn't see a

633
00:31:32,488 --> 00:31:34,848
Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel. I just I

634
00:31:34,928 --> 00:31:39,408
Speaker 2: woke up every morning feeling so empty and so lost.

635
00:31:40,128 --> 00:31:46,608
Speaker 2: My pain in my heart was just so unbearable and

636
00:31:46,728 --> 00:31:50,168
Speaker 2: overwhelming that I got to a point where it's like,

637
00:31:50,248 --> 00:31:53,288
Speaker 2: I can't do this one more day. My parents had

638
00:31:53,328 --> 00:31:58,408
Speaker 2: cotton on at this point. They knew what Luke had done,

639
00:31:58,608 --> 00:32:01,848
Speaker 2: and they knew that I was broken. My family are

640
00:32:02,048 --> 00:32:07,168
Speaker 2: so they're so loving and forgiving. My dad even took

641
00:32:07,248 --> 00:32:10,928
Speaker 2: Luke aside and he said, look, Luke, my daughter loves you,

642
00:32:11,048 --> 00:32:13,048
Speaker 2: My kids love you. We love you like a son.

643
00:32:13,888 --> 00:32:16,888
Speaker 2: Good people make mistakes. We can get through this as

644
00:32:16,928 --> 00:32:19,088
Speaker 2: a family. Just tell us what you need from us.

645
00:32:19,088 --> 00:32:21,368
Speaker 2: And we will be around you to get through this.

646
00:32:22,368 --> 00:32:24,808
Speaker 2: But they knew that I was struggling really really badly.

647
00:32:24,888 --> 00:32:26,968
Speaker 2: They knew that I had to stop going to work.

648
00:32:27,288 --> 00:32:30,528
Speaker 2: I would sleep the days away. I just hear rock bottom,

649
00:32:30,568 --> 00:32:32,888
Speaker 2: I really did. And so the day that I decided

650
00:32:32,888 --> 00:32:35,928
Speaker 2: I couldn't do it any longer, it was just this

651
00:32:36,088 --> 00:32:39,448
Speaker 2: overwhelming guilt that I had let my kids down again,

652
00:32:40,248 --> 00:32:42,368
Speaker 2: that they were going to have to go through something

653
00:32:42,408 --> 00:32:44,248
Speaker 2: that I didn't ever want them to go through again.

654
00:32:44,968 --> 00:32:46,968
Speaker 2: And I thought that they were all better off without me,

655
00:32:47,968 --> 00:32:49,808
Speaker 2: because I felt like I was the one that was

656
00:32:49,848 --> 00:32:53,408
Speaker 2: destroying their lives because of my decisions. I think my

657
00:32:53,488 --> 00:32:57,248
Speaker 2: parents had gotten on to me being suicidal, which I

658
00:32:57,448 --> 00:33:01,128
Speaker 2: didn't know. I was flagged with a mental health team,

659
00:33:01,328 --> 00:33:02,528
Speaker 2: which I didn't know about.

660
00:33:03,408 --> 00:33:05,528
Speaker 3: So the day that I decided that I.

661
00:33:05,528 --> 00:33:09,208
Speaker 2: Wasn't that I couldn't do it anymore, my phone just

662
00:33:09,248 --> 00:33:12,888
Speaker 2: kepturing it and ringing and ringing, and it was Luke.

663
00:33:13,688 --> 00:33:15,208
Speaker 3: I didn't answer Luke's call.

664
00:33:15,648 --> 00:33:17,768
Speaker 2: Because I was just so angry and I was so

665
00:33:17,888 --> 00:33:20,968
Speaker 2: determined that I just wanted this to stop.

666
00:33:21,968 --> 00:33:24,288
Speaker 3: So my dad.

667
00:33:24,088 --> 00:33:27,928
Speaker 2: Started calling me and calling and calling and calling, and

668
00:33:27,968 --> 00:33:30,408
Speaker 2: I think that's when my brain went, what are you

669
00:33:30,568 --> 00:33:32,248
Speaker 2: doing like your poor dad?

670
00:33:32,288 --> 00:33:34,128
Speaker 3: And I answered the phone in the fear of my

671
00:33:34,328 --> 00:33:36,808
Speaker 3: dad's voice. I'll never forget it.

672
00:33:36,968 --> 00:33:40,168
Speaker 2: Who was just he was so scared he was going

673
00:33:40,248 --> 00:33:42,328
Speaker 2: to lose me, and I was like, oh, I can't

674
00:33:42,408 --> 00:33:46,208
Speaker 2: do this to them. I was taken away by ambulance,

675
00:33:47,088 --> 00:33:50,608
Speaker 2: and stupidly, all I want was Luke beside me. So

676
00:33:50,728 --> 00:33:53,168
Speaker 2: I remember sitting there in the hospital bed and there

677
00:33:53,208 --> 00:33:56,608
Speaker 2: was a psychologist there and he was trying to talk

678
00:33:56,688 --> 00:34:00,048
Speaker 2: to me about getting over what I'd just gone through,

679
00:34:00,088 --> 00:34:02,928
Speaker 2: and he was really angry that Luke was there, and

680
00:34:03,088 --> 00:34:05,888
Speaker 2: I just was like, I just want that person. It's

681
00:34:05,928 --> 00:34:08,767
Speaker 2: hard when the one person that's just drawing you as

682
00:34:08,768 --> 00:34:11,368
Speaker 2: the one person that you want to comfort you, it's

683
00:34:11,728 --> 00:34:15,567
Speaker 2: this weirdest feeling you. He was just my rock and

684
00:34:15,648 --> 00:34:18,448
Speaker 2: my person, and whoever I would go to when things

685
00:34:18,808 --> 00:34:19,928
Speaker 2: were great, I'd go to him.

686
00:34:19,928 --> 00:34:21,488
Speaker 3: When things weren't great, I'd go to him.

687
00:34:21,488 --> 00:34:24,008
Speaker 2: He just knew what to do and say to make

688
00:34:24,048 --> 00:34:28,488
Speaker 2: things perfect again, and stupidly, that's all who I wanted

689
00:34:28,528 --> 00:34:29,168
Speaker 2: at that time.

690
00:34:30,128 --> 00:34:32,648
Speaker 1: Luke sat with her and helped her feel strong again,

691
00:34:32,728 --> 00:34:36,087
Speaker 1: and eventually they went back home together. Things had to

692
00:34:36,208 --> 00:34:38,768
Speaker 1: change and they both agreed to work on the marriage

693
00:34:38,888 --> 00:34:40,968
Speaker 1: and try to get back to where and who they

694
00:34:40,968 --> 00:34:41,568
Speaker 1: were before.

695
00:34:41,888 --> 00:34:44,448
Speaker 2: I was trying anything to hold our marriage together. I

696
00:34:44,568 --> 00:34:49,008
Speaker 2: was just whatever I could do to make things better

697
00:34:49,048 --> 00:34:52,608
Speaker 2: between us. I'd often apologize for making him feel like

698
00:34:52,648 --> 00:34:54,808
Speaker 2: he had to cheat because I obviously had failed him

699
00:34:54,808 --> 00:34:57,008
Speaker 2: as a wife for him to feel like he needed

700
00:34:57,008 --> 00:35:00,087
Speaker 2: to go elsewhere. I was doing anything I could to

701
00:35:00,088 --> 00:35:02,167
Speaker 2: try and rebuild our relationship. I just wanted that old

702
00:35:02,248 --> 00:35:04,368
Speaker 2: Luke back, like that look that I met and fell

703
00:35:04,408 --> 00:35:05,928
Speaker 2: in love with would never have done this to me,

704
00:35:06,528 --> 00:35:07,648
Speaker 2: Like just bring him back.

705
00:35:08,528 --> 00:35:10,928
Speaker 3: So it just kept trying to stay together.

706
00:35:11,888 --> 00:35:14,208
Speaker 2: He used to say that he just loved me too much,

707
00:35:15,488 --> 00:35:17,448
Speaker 2: like that was his things like I just love you

708
00:35:17,488 --> 00:35:18,008
Speaker 2: too much.

709
00:35:18,648 --> 00:35:19,768
Speaker 3: He wanted to stay together.

710
00:35:19,808 --> 00:35:21,768
Speaker 2: But also in the same breath he'd be like, I

711
00:35:21,808 --> 00:35:23,008
Speaker 2: just think too much has happened.

712
00:35:23,648 --> 00:35:24,888
Speaker 3: And in that anger.

713
00:35:24,648 --> 00:35:26,647
Speaker 2: Stage where I'd find out who's cheating, I would say

714
00:35:26,648 --> 00:35:28,687
Speaker 2: things like which I do regret, but in the heat

715
00:35:28,688 --> 00:35:31,448
Speaker 2: of the moment, you say things. I remember saying, you

716
00:35:31,448 --> 00:35:34,008
Speaker 2: don't deserve a family. If this is what you're going

717
00:35:34,088 --> 00:35:36,328
Speaker 2: to do to us, you don't deserve us. And he

718
00:35:36,328 --> 00:35:38,008
Speaker 2: held on to that and he was like, you told

719
00:35:38,008 --> 00:35:40,168
Speaker 2: me I don't deserve a family, so why wouldn't I

720
00:35:40,168 --> 00:35:42,328
Speaker 2: think we were done? And he used to say to

721
00:35:42,408 --> 00:35:46,648
Speaker 2: me things like I can't forgive you for your reactions.

722
00:35:46,768 --> 00:35:48,728
Speaker 2: So I just learned to be silent just to keep

723
00:35:48,768 --> 00:35:53,128
Speaker 2: going with it. So, yeah, we did try. It was bumpy,

724
00:35:53,208 --> 00:35:55,728
Speaker 2: but I didn't want to give up. If I just

725
00:35:55,808 --> 00:35:59,527
Speaker 2: loved him harder, if I was a better wife, if

726
00:35:59,568 --> 00:36:03,088
Speaker 2: I was more present, then that would make him feel

727
00:36:03,368 --> 00:36:05,127
Speaker 2: better in himself, that he wouldn't need to be going

728
00:36:05,168 --> 00:36:08,608
Speaker 2: to get this validation from other people. For his birthday,

729
00:36:08,688 --> 00:36:12,047
Speaker 2: after theater and we were better, we went away for

730
00:36:12,088 --> 00:36:14,408
Speaker 2: his birthday with the girls. I booked a holiday for us,

731
00:36:15,408 --> 00:36:18,088
Speaker 2: and he was down in the pool with the girl swimming,

732
00:36:18,128 --> 00:36:20,488
Speaker 2: and I went up to the bathroom and I said

733
00:36:20,528 --> 00:36:23,328
Speaker 2: to him, I don't want you to have social media anymore,

734
00:36:23,328 --> 00:36:27,128
Speaker 2: because that's your gateway to most of your cheating. And

735
00:36:27,168 --> 00:36:29,528
Speaker 2: he said, no, that's fine, I don't want it anymore anyway.

736
00:36:30,048 --> 00:36:32,688
Speaker 2: And I never checked his phone. I just always just

737
00:36:32,768 --> 00:36:35,848
Speaker 2: trusted what he said. So I went up to the bathroom.

738
00:36:36,088 --> 00:36:38,087
Speaker 2: In the room and I went to look at the

739
00:36:38,088 --> 00:36:41,808
Speaker 2: time on his phone, and he had Instagram notifications. I

740
00:36:41,848 --> 00:36:44,607
Speaker 2: was like, that's strange because you don't have Instagram. So

741
00:36:44,688 --> 00:36:47,768
Speaker 2: I opened it up, and the whole time that we

742
00:36:47,808 --> 00:36:50,688
Speaker 2: were away in a holiday, he had been sexting a

743
00:36:50,728 --> 00:36:53,208
Speaker 2: girl whilst lying in bed with me.

744
00:36:54,368 --> 00:36:55,288
Speaker 3: And this had been going on.

745
00:36:55,288 --> 00:36:57,448
Speaker 2: For months and months and months and months, to the

746
00:36:57,488 --> 00:36:59,688
Speaker 2: point where I think they had a relationship. They were

747
00:36:59,688 --> 00:37:02,127
Speaker 2: telling each other they loved each other, that they can't

748
00:37:02,128 --> 00:37:06,047
Speaker 2: wait to see each other, that he loved her, she

749
00:37:06,208 --> 00:37:10,408
Speaker 2: loved him. There was graphic images. I was a lot

750
00:37:10,408 --> 00:37:14,207
Speaker 2: of it. I also found Snapchat and again the same

751
00:37:14,248 --> 00:37:18,728
Speaker 2: stuff on Snapchat, just girls after girls after girls. Every

752
00:37:18,728 --> 00:37:21,208
Speaker 2: girl had a different story about me, so they all

753
00:37:21,288 --> 00:37:24,648
Speaker 2: knew he was married. But there one was told that

754
00:37:24,728 --> 00:37:27,167
Speaker 2: I was a psyclhoney sleeps with one I open at night.

755
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:29,728
Speaker 2: One was told that I was cheating on him. Another

756
00:37:29,768 --> 00:37:31,888
Speaker 2: one was told I was in love with my first husband,

757
00:37:32,448 --> 00:37:34,928
Speaker 2: so there were kind of always reasons for to validate

758
00:37:35,008 --> 00:37:38,208
Speaker 2: him cheating on me. When I had his phone in

759
00:37:38,248 --> 00:37:42,288
Speaker 2: my hand, he walked in the room and his face

760
00:37:42,408 --> 00:37:45,047
Speaker 2: just dropped because he knew that I had found what

761
00:37:45,168 --> 00:37:48,208
Speaker 2: I was looking at. He kind of lunged at me

762
00:37:48,568 --> 00:37:51,688
Speaker 2: and ripped the phone out of my hand, but in

763
00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,208
Speaker 2: the process he ripped my fingernail out in one go.

764
00:37:55,488 --> 00:37:57,728
Speaker 2: So yeah, we kind of rolled around on the floor

765
00:37:57,848 --> 00:37:59,728
Speaker 2: while he was tackling me to get the phone out

766
00:37:59,768 --> 00:38:01,968
Speaker 2: of my hand, and I had bruises and bumps all

767
00:38:02,008 --> 00:38:06,288
Speaker 2: over me. That night was scary. That night was everything

768
00:38:06,408 --> 00:38:09,408
Speaker 2: changed that night. It just went really really downhill. It's

769
00:38:09,488 --> 00:38:13,208
Speaker 2: kind of like his mask had finally fallen off and

770
00:38:13,248 --> 00:38:14,968
Speaker 2: he wasn't even going to pretend to be the old

771
00:38:15,048 --> 00:38:19,008
Speaker 2: Luke anymore. This was the real raw Luke, this ugly

772
00:38:19,128 --> 00:38:20,607
Speaker 2: version was who he truly was.

773
00:38:21,448 --> 00:38:23,047
Speaker 3: So we had to go to.

774
00:38:23,008 --> 00:38:25,808
Speaker 2: The doctor for my finger, and obviously we lied and

775
00:38:25,848 --> 00:38:28,488
Speaker 2: said I slammed it in the door. I just wasn't

776
00:38:28,488 --> 00:38:30,208
Speaker 2: wanted to protect him. I didn't want anyone to know

777
00:38:30,288 --> 00:38:31,928
Speaker 2: what was going on. I didn't want anyone to know

778
00:38:31,968 --> 00:38:34,567
Speaker 2: that he had done this to me, so I just

779
00:38:34,648 --> 00:38:37,328
Speaker 2: lied and everyone thought I slammed it in the door.

780
00:38:38,048 --> 00:38:40,848
Speaker 2: And you'd think that's where the cheating would stop, but

781
00:38:40,968 --> 00:38:45,607
Speaker 2: it just kept going. Weeks would go by and I'd

782
00:38:45,608 --> 00:38:47,688
Speaker 2: find out about another girl that he's sexting, and then

783
00:38:47,728 --> 00:38:51,368
Speaker 2: another girl, and I think that once one person told

784
00:38:51,408 --> 00:38:55,008
Speaker 2: me and people started to hear that I had known

785
00:38:55,048 --> 00:38:57,567
Speaker 2: about a few they were like, oh, I'm not the

786
00:38:57,568 --> 00:39:00,567
Speaker 2: first person to tell us, so now they felt more

787
00:39:00,608 --> 00:39:04,408
Speaker 2: comfortable telling me more because she's already hurt. It's not

788
00:39:04,448 --> 00:39:06,448
Speaker 2: like I'm breaking it to her for the first time.

789
00:39:07,088 --> 00:39:09,328
Speaker 3: I feel like everyone knew about it but me.

790
00:39:10,168 --> 00:39:12,368
Speaker 2: There was a point where we went to a barbecue,

791
00:39:12,528 --> 00:39:16,087
Speaker 2: to one of my closest friends barbecues, and Luke was

792
00:39:16,088 --> 00:39:18,087
Speaker 2: set beside me and he was messaging a girl that

793
00:39:18,208 --> 00:39:21,608
Speaker 2: was at this barbecue, right under my nose, right in

794
00:39:21,648 --> 00:39:23,968
Speaker 2: front of me, and I had no idea. It probably

795
00:39:24,128 --> 00:39:27,488
Speaker 2: was another couple of months before I started to get

796
00:39:27,488 --> 00:39:30,168
Speaker 2: myself on track again. I was seeing a psychologist. I

797
00:39:30,208 --> 00:39:33,088
Speaker 2: was really trying to get back out there. My panic

798
00:39:33,088 --> 00:39:36,408
Speaker 2: attacks were getting less. The tremors that I had was

799
00:39:36,408 --> 00:39:38,928
Speaker 2: still there, but I was just trying to get my

800
00:39:38,968 --> 00:39:40,928
Speaker 2: life back on track for my kids. I really had

801
00:39:40,928 --> 00:39:43,968
Speaker 2: to do it for them. We went to marriage counseling.

802
00:39:44,728 --> 00:39:47,448
Speaker 2: He sat there in lied and I didn't correct him

803
00:39:47,488 --> 00:39:50,728
Speaker 2: at all. It got to the third counseling session that

804
00:39:50,808 --> 00:39:53,928
Speaker 2: we had and I had this major panic attack in

805
00:39:53,968 --> 00:39:58,048
Speaker 2: the session and the session obviously ended, and the counselor

806
00:39:58,048 --> 00:40:00,928
Speaker 2: that we had was so lovely, and he was really

807
00:40:00,968 --> 00:40:03,888
Speaker 2: concerned for my welfare. He called me the next day

808
00:40:03,888 --> 00:40:06,368
Speaker 2: and said, Madison, like, this is probably outside of my

809
00:40:06,408 --> 00:40:08,087
Speaker 2: scope and I probably shouldn't call you and do my

810
00:40:08,088 --> 00:40:11,688
Speaker 2: personal opinion, but this man's I've been doing this for

811
00:40:11,808 --> 00:40:16,688
Speaker 2: years and I can see narcissism and abuse when I

812
00:40:16,728 --> 00:40:18,608
Speaker 2: see it, and I'm really.

813
00:40:18,328 --> 00:40:19,408
Speaker 3: Concerned for your welfare.

814
00:40:20,328 --> 00:40:25,527
Speaker 2: And that night Luke actually smashed a glass frame over

815
00:40:25,568 --> 00:40:28,408
Speaker 2: my head and broke his knuckles. We were kind of

816
00:40:28,448 --> 00:40:31,528
Speaker 2: just having a disagreement and having an argument just about everything,

817
00:40:31,608 --> 00:40:35,968
Speaker 2: and just about his behavior and his response to his behavior,

818
00:40:36,008 --> 00:40:38,768
Speaker 2: and his lack of empathy and just not giving a

819
00:40:38,848 --> 00:40:43,168
Speaker 2: shit about it, just being so cold, and it just

820
00:40:43,208 --> 00:40:46,168
Speaker 2: got so heated, and he just got so angry and

821
00:40:46,648 --> 00:40:51,328
Speaker 2: so enraged with his anger, and he just picked up

822
00:40:51,328 --> 00:40:54,008
Speaker 2: a glass frame while we were fighting and just lost

823
00:40:54,048 --> 00:40:56,648
Speaker 2: it and smashed it and it went flying over my

824
00:40:56,688 --> 00:40:57,208
Speaker 2: head and my.

825
00:40:57,248 --> 00:40:58,048
Speaker 3: Poor little dog.

826
00:40:59,208 --> 00:41:01,168
Speaker 2: We went to the hospital and led and said that

827
00:41:01,248 --> 00:41:05,087
Speaker 2: it was because he was boxing. But after that, I

828
00:41:05,128 --> 00:41:07,888
Speaker 2: think that's when I kind of was like, I'm out.

829
00:41:08,048 --> 00:41:12,368
Speaker 2: This is not okay. He doesn't give a shit about me.

830
00:41:13,648 --> 00:41:16,808
Speaker 2: He's never going to change he's got no remorse for

831
00:41:16,888 --> 00:41:17,528
Speaker 2: what he's done.

832
00:41:19,288 --> 00:41:21,488
Speaker 3: He doesn't care. There's no empathy for what he's.

833
00:41:21,288 --> 00:41:25,888
Speaker 2: Put me through, for my family, my girls, there's no

834
00:41:25,968 --> 00:41:32,288
Speaker 2: accountability of what he's done. It's all excuses. So yeah,

835
00:41:32,368 --> 00:41:35,247
Speaker 2: I just thought that's it, and I think he thought

836
00:41:35,288 --> 00:41:35,728
Speaker 2: the same.

837
00:41:36,448 --> 00:41:37,888
Speaker 3: I think we were just exhausted.

838
00:41:39,088 --> 00:41:42,728
Speaker 2: My girls knew about some of the betrayal because they

839
00:41:42,728 --> 00:41:44,968
Speaker 2: were getting to the point. My elders is nearly fifteen now,

840
00:41:45,008 --> 00:41:46,608
Speaker 2: so they were getting to the point where they were

841
00:41:46,688 --> 00:41:49,128
Speaker 2: They knew because he was just going missing for weeks,

842
00:41:49,288 --> 00:41:52,648
Speaker 2: like when we were in our bad period, and they'd

843
00:41:52,688 --> 00:41:55,328
Speaker 2: be like, where's Luke, And they saw me crying, and

844
00:41:55,368 --> 00:41:57,008
Speaker 2: they saw me not getting out of bed, and they

845
00:41:57,008 --> 00:42:00,648
Speaker 2: saw me not going to work. So they saw me

846
00:42:00,768 --> 00:42:03,848
Speaker 2: at my darkest. And my eldest is smart, she caught

847
00:42:04,088 --> 00:42:06,368
Speaker 2: on to what was going on. I mean, it's really

848
00:42:06,408 --> 00:42:09,607
Speaker 2: hard to have arguments. Although we kept it away from children,

849
00:42:10,168 --> 00:42:13,288
Speaker 2: they kind of consents what's going on. My youngest in particular,

850
00:42:13,368 --> 00:42:15,248
Speaker 2: was like, I don't want Luke to go, mom, Like

851
00:42:15,328 --> 00:42:18,128
Speaker 2: I love him so much, can he stay? And my

852
00:42:18,248 --> 00:42:21,527
Speaker 2: eldest was just quiet, And I remember Luke got up

853
00:42:21,568 --> 00:42:24,527
Speaker 2: and went to go and get some dinner for us.

854
00:42:24,648 --> 00:42:26,768
Speaker 2: And while he was away, I said to my eldest,

855
00:42:27,168 --> 00:42:28,368
Speaker 2: how are you feeling, what are you thinking?

856
00:42:28,408 --> 00:42:28,968
Speaker 3: What's going on?

857
00:42:29,048 --> 00:42:30,687
Speaker 2: And she was like, Mom, if he does this one

858
00:42:30,688 --> 00:42:35,888
Speaker 2: more time, he's out. So she had already been like

859
00:42:35,928 --> 00:42:39,768
Speaker 2: this is enough. So I think when I got to

860
00:42:39,808 --> 00:42:42,568
Speaker 2: that end point, I was like I kind of listened

861
00:42:42,608 --> 00:42:42,888
Speaker 2: to her.

862
00:42:44,408 --> 00:42:45,248
Speaker 3: I kind of was like.

863
00:42:45,768 --> 00:42:48,368
Speaker 2: My pep talk with my eldest, kind of sunk in,

864
00:42:48,408 --> 00:42:50,688
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, you know what, this is enough,

865
00:42:50,808 --> 00:42:54,008
Speaker 2: this is bullshit. We don't need him. I'm a better person,

866
00:42:54,048 --> 00:42:58,527
Speaker 2: I'm a happier person for my girls if he's not here.

867
00:42:59,128 --> 00:43:03,328
Speaker 2: He's destroying me bit by bit every day. And he

868
00:43:03,408 --> 00:43:05,408
Speaker 2: got to the point where he almost robbed my children

869
00:43:05,408 --> 00:43:08,928
Speaker 2: of their mum. So then I woke up and had

870
00:43:08,928 --> 00:43:10,928
Speaker 2: a wake up corner. You know what, I'm not going

871
00:43:10,968 --> 00:43:14,127
Speaker 2: to let that man do that to my kids. And

872
00:43:14,168 --> 00:43:16,608
Speaker 2: that was a point where I was like, I'm done.

873
00:43:16,848 --> 00:43:19,608
Speaker 2: There wasn't really a sit down conversation about it, but

874
00:43:19,648 --> 00:43:22,728
Speaker 2: I think we both were just done at our wits end,

875
00:43:22,768 --> 00:43:25,567
Speaker 2: and it wasn't spoken, but I guess he knew and

876
00:43:25,608 --> 00:43:27,448
Speaker 2: I knew, and he just packed a bag and he

877
00:43:27,528 --> 00:43:30,688
Speaker 2: went stayed with friends again. He was kind of like

878
00:43:30,728 --> 00:43:34,368
Speaker 2: toying back and forth with messages about seeing the dogs

879
00:43:34,408 --> 00:43:37,368
Speaker 2: and things like that, and he would write messages going,

880
00:43:37,408 --> 00:43:40,047
Speaker 2: I still love you. So it was kind of like

881
00:43:40,088 --> 00:43:44,808
Speaker 2: he was still trying to make me believe that there

882
00:43:44,888 --> 00:43:47,288
Speaker 2: might be hope. So it was like this tuggle wall

883
00:43:47,328 --> 00:43:49,607
Speaker 2: between my head and my heart. So one day I'd

884
00:43:49,648 --> 00:43:51,368
Speaker 2: be really strong, like, no, I'm not ever going to

885
00:43:51,448 --> 00:43:52,768
Speaker 2: go back there, and then the next day my heart

886
00:43:52,768 --> 00:43:56,008
Speaker 2: would be like I miss him so much. So as

887
00:43:56,088 --> 00:43:58,768
Speaker 2: his back and forth, he came over one day and

888
00:43:58,808 --> 00:44:02,047
Speaker 2: we had an argument and then he said to me,

889
00:44:02,168 --> 00:44:06,328
Speaker 2: I'm done. He's like, I can't, Like we're done. He said,

890
00:44:06,368 --> 00:44:08,128
Speaker 2: too much has happened. And I was like, what have

891
00:44:08,248 --> 00:44:11,528
Speaker 2: you done? And he just wouldn't it's me. And then

892
00:44:12,048 --> 00:44:15,848
Speaker 2: he drove off that day and that night he had

893
00:44:15,848 --> 00:44:21,168
Speaker 2: blocked me, my number, my email or social media accounts.

894
00:44:21,328 --> 00:44:24,928
Speaker 2: He blocked my parents, my daughter's phone numbers were blocked,

895
00:44:25,328 --> 00:44:30,368
Speaker 2: my friends were blocked. He completely erased himself from our lives.

896
00:44:31,128 --> 00:44:32,848
Speaker 2: I knew I was blocked, but I was just hoping

897
00:44:32,848 --> 00:44:35,848
Speaker 2: that one day he would unblock me and I would

898
00:44:35,888 --> 00:44:38,408
Speaker 2: send him a photo of either him and one of

899
00:44:38,448 --> 00:44:41,567
Speaker 2: the girls, or him and I or the family and us,

900
00:44:42,328 --> 00:44:44,687
Speaker 2: and I would write like about the memory of that day,

901
00:44:45,248 --> 00:44:47,527
Speaker 2: and I would say, whenever you're ready, your girls are

902
00:44:47,528 --> 00:44:49,928
Speaker 2: waiting for you to come home. And it got to

903
00:44:50,088 --> 00:44:52,208
Speaker 2: a month of me doing that every single day, and

904
00:44:52,248 --> 00:44:58,888
Speaker 2: I was like, you're just hurting yourself. His disrespect, his silence,

905
00:44:59,048 --> 00:45:02,607
Speaker 2: his blocking, is enough closure for you to get out,

906
00:45:02,648 --> 00:45:05,288
Speaker 2: Like what are you waiting for? Like this man doesn't

907
00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:10,207
Speaker 2: love you. And I never saw him again and heard

908
00:45:10,208 --> 00:45:13,328
Speaker 2: from him again. The only time I ever heard anything

909
00:45:13,568 --> 00:45:19,528
Speaker 2: was from the lawyers. I was ghosted by my husband.

910
00:45:20,448 --> 00:45:22,608
Speaker 2: Didn't hear from him at all, but I had no

911
00:45:22,688 --> 00:45:26,328
Speaker 2: way of contacting him either until I had a lawyer's

912
00:45:26,408 --> 00:45:29,448
Speaker 2: letter in my emailse from a lawyer that he had

913
00:45:29,648 --> 00:45:33,008
Speaker 2: engaged with, and that was to get money from the

914
00:45:33,008 --> 00:45:35,928
Speaker 2: house that I bought. Because his name was on the

915
00:45:35,928 --> 00:45:39,448
Speaker 2: house title, he had every right to sell the house

916
00:45:40,088 --> 00:45:44,848
Speaker 2: or sell and split the profits. I was absolutely gutted,

917
00:45:45,368 --> 00:45:49,888
Speaker 2: like another punch in the guts, like you have just

918
00:45:49,968 --> 00:45:52,968
Speaker 2: destroyed me. You've watched my mental health go down the drain.

919
00:45:53,288 --> 00:45:56,408
Speaker 2: We've gone through all this trauma.

920
00:45:56,768 --> 00:45:58,408
Speaker 3: I've found out multiple.

921
00:45:58,088 --> 00:46:00,968
Speaker 2: Cheating you've now left and ghosted me, and now you're

922
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,567
Speaker 2: like one final punch, I'm gonna rip the house that

923
00:46:03,608 --> 00:46:06,808
Speaker 2: you and the girls live in from you. What have

924
00:46:06,888 --> 00:46:09,368
Speaker 2: I done to you for you to hate me this much?

925
00:46:10,008 --> 00:46:13,168
Speaker 1: This was three months after Madison had last seen or

926
00:46:13,248 --> 00:46:15,728
Speaker 1: heard from him, not a word to her and all

927
00:46:15,728 --> 00:46:18,648
Speaker 1: the girls. The way she saw it, she had two options.

928
00:46:18,968 --> 00:46:21,288
Speaker 1: She could fight, show evidence that it was her money

929
00:46:21,328 --> 00:46:24,008
Speaker 1: alone that had purchased the house, that he didn't have

930
00:46:24,008 --> 00:46:26,408
Speaker 1: any custody rights over the kids and this was their home,

931
00:46:27,008 --> 00:46:29,087
Speaker 1: or she could just give him what he asked for

932
00:46:29,528 --> 00:46:30,727
Speaker 1: and let this all be over.

933
00:46:31,088 --> 00:46:33,567
Speaker 2: I just didn't have the energy to fight, So it

934
00:46:33,688 --> 00:46:36,208
Speaker 2: is what it is. He didn't get half, thank god,

935
00:46:36,728 --> 00:46:39,448
Speaker 2: but yeah, he did get money that he shouldn't have.

936
00:46:40,368 --> 00:46:44,047
Speaker 2: I just felt completely comment. I was just like, I've

937
00:46:44,168 --> 00:46:48,008
Speaker 2: just been done so hard. Why marry me? Like, do

938
00:46:48,168 --> 00:46:52,088
Speaker 2: this to me, Don't do this to my children, Don't

939
00:46:52,088 --> 00:46:54,328
Speaker 2: do this to my family. They didn't deserve not that

940
00:46:54,408 --> 00:46:57,488
Speaker 2: I deserved it, but my poorness and children did nothing

941
00:46:57,528 --> 00:46:58,248
Speaker 2: but love you.

942
00:46:58,728 --> 00:47:01,328
Speaker 3: On Father's Day. They would give him Father's Day presents.

943
00:47:01,368 --> 00:47:03,928
Speaker 2: They would go out to the shops and buy him things,

944
00:47:03,928 --> 00:47:04,928
Speaker 2: say they they adored him.

945
00:47:04,968 --> 00:47:08,768
Speaker 3: They didn't deserve this. I just felt so rocked.

946
00:47:09,248 --> 00:47:13,288
Speaker 2: I was like, my biggest fear is my reality Again,

947
00:47:13,568 --> 00:47:16,047
Speaker 2: I am not even forty yet and I am going

948
00:47:16,128 --> 00:47:20,408
Speaker 2: to have two divorces under my belt. So I didn't

949
00:47:20,448 --> 00:47:22,848
Speaker 2: hear anything. I didn't even know where it was living.

950
00:47:23,488 --> 00:47:26,888
Speaker 2: I've heard that he's in a different state with one

951
00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:31,248
Speaker 2: of the girlfriends that he had during our relationship. So

952
00:47:31,328 --> 00:47:32,928
Speaker 2: that day that he up and left was a year

953
00:47:32,968 --> 00:47:35,688
Speaker 2: ago and I still haven't ever heard a word from him,

954
00:47:35,728 --> 00:47:38,968
Speaker 2: not a peep. I'm still blocked on everything. Not one

955
00:47:39,048 --> 00:47:43,207
Speaker 2: message to the girls, nothing for their birthdays, anything like that.

956
00:47:43,408 --> 00:47:48,288
Speaker 2: He's just completely vanished. What is interesting is though his

957
00:47:48,408 --> 00:47:52,168
Speaker 2: grandma like figure that he mentioned disliked me because I

958
00:47:52,208 --> 00:47:56,088
Speaker 2: was a single mother, has reached out to me, sent

959
00:47:56,248 --> 00:48:00,408
Speaker 2: me a text message saying that she wanted to talk

960
00:48:00,448 --> 00:48:04,648
Speaker 2: to me and that she felt really saddened by what

961
00:48:04,728 --> 00:48:06,768
Speaker 2: I had gone through, which I'm not quite sure how

962
00:48:06,808 --> 00:48:09,168
Speaker 2: she knew, but it was a text message, and I

963
00:48:09,248 --> 00:48:11,688
Speaker 2: just at this point don't trust anyone, and I was like,

964
00:48:11,808 --> 00:48:13,928
Speaker 2: I don't know who's behind this text message. It could

965
00:48:13,928 --> 00:48:17,448
Speaker 2: be Luke, I don't know. So I never responded and

966
00:48:17,488 --> 00:48:23,128
Speaker 2: then months later, just recently, she called me and she

967
00:48:23,288 --> 00:48:27,247
Speaker 2: said to me, Madison, I'm so sorry that you've gone

968
00:48:27,248 --> 00:48:29,328
Speaker 2: through what you've gone through. I hear that you've gone

969
00:48:29,328 --> 00:48:32,248
Speaker 2: through hell with Luke. I'm so sorry that I couldn't

970
00:48:32,248 --> 00:48:34,527
Speaker 2: have been there for you and the girls. No one

971
00:48:34,528 --> 00:48:36,808
Speaker 2: should go through what he has done to you, and

972
00:48:37,528 --> 00:48:40,208
Speaker 2: I'm wishing you all the love in the world. So

973
00:48:40,448 --> 00:48:43,048
Speaker 2: from someone who apparently hated me and I'd never met

974
00:48:43,928 --> 00:48:46,648
Speaker 2: to reach out that many times to a complete stranger

975
00:48:46,848 --> 00:48:49,528
Speaker 2: to make sure they're okay, it makes me wonder exactly

976
00:48:49,528 --> 00:48:51,368
Speaker 2: what he has done to his family and to the

977
00:48:51,408 --> 00:48:54,647
Speaker 2: people that did love him. His sister's also reached out

978
00:48:54,688 --> 00:48:57,567
Speaker 2: to me, his biological sister, to apologize for what I

979
00:48:57,648 --> 00:49:01,408
Speaker 2: had gone through as well. So there's huge question marks

980
00:49:01,448 --> 00:49:04,888
Speaker 2: around what I was told at the start of our relationship.

981
00:49:05,408 --> 00:49:08,048
Speaker 2: It was validation, but it also sadness that this person

982
00:49:08,168 --> 00:49:10,928
Speaker 2: is so damaged that he's doing this to so many people.

983
00:49:11,688 --> 00:49:14,248
Speaker 2: But then I also thought, oh gosh, what beautiful people

984
00:49:14,288 --> 00:49:17,127
Speaker 2: there in the world that his grandmother and his sister,

985
00:49:17,168 --> 00:49:19,768
Speaker 2: who had never met me and didn't know me from

986
00:49:19,768 --> 00:49:22,328
Speaker 2: a Bara Syrup, had reached out to see that we

987
00:49:22,368 --> 00:49:26,888
Speaker 2: are okay, so sad the fact that he's this evil,

988
00:49:27,168 --> 00:49:30,567
Speaker 2: but grateful that there's beautiful people in the Welsh. The

989
00:49:30,648 --> 00:49:34,328
Speaker 2: Luke that I met is a character. It's not who

990
00:49:34,368 --> 00:49:37,728
Speaker 2: he actually is. It was an act. So the Luke

991
00:49:37,808 --> 00:49:39,607
Speaker 2: that I had at the end was the real Luke.

992
00:49:40,088 --> 00:49:43,848
Speaker 2: So getting the Luke that I met is just a

993
00:49:43,848 --> 00:49:46,968
Speaker 2: fictional character. It's like I got catfished.

994
00:49:48,088 --> 00:49:48,647
Speaker 3: I don't know.

995
00:49:48,768 --> 00:49:52,527
Speaker 2: If it's the family that freaked him out, because he's

996
00:49:52,608 --> 00:49:55,648
Speaker 2: never been brought up in a tight knit family. I

997
00:49:55,728 --> 00:49:57,768
Speaker 2: always said to him, I feel like you're a lone wolf.

998
00:49:58,048 --> 00:50:00,087
Speaker 2: You need to be on your own, and you know,

999
00:50:00,248 --> 00:50:03,527
Speaker 2: family to me means everything. Family bond and having my

1000
00:50:03,568 --> 00:50:05,968
Speaker 2: mom and dad and my sister and my children and

1001
00:50:05,968 --> 00:50:08,248
Speaker 2: everyone around means so much to me. We're always having

1002
00:50:08,288 --> 00:50:11,608
Speaker 2: family barbecues and dinners, and he's never had that. He

1003
00:50:11,728 --> 00:50:14,047
Speaker 2: never got brought up with that. So I don't know

1004
00:50:14,048 --> 00:50:17,728
Speaker 2: if it just got too much that he just couldn't

1005
00:50:17,728 --> 00:50:19,928
Speaker 2: handle being around people all the time. I'm not sure.

1006
00:50:20,008 --> 00:50:21,688
Speaker 2: I don't know why. After the marriage, I don't know

1007
00:50:21,688 --> 00:50:24,688
Speaker 2: if it's because it was so final. It turns out

1008
00:50:24,728 --> 00:50:26,408
Speaker 2: that apparently he was cheating on me before. The whole

1009
00:50:26,408 --> 00:50:29,047
Speaker 2: marriage anyway, So I don't know what his benefit was

1010
00:50:29,128 --> 00:50:33,687
Speaker 2: to get married. When we first were together, everyone kept

1011
00:50:33,728 --> 00:50:37,808
Speaker 2: telling him how amazing he was to take on a

1012
00:50:37,808 --> 00:50:40,288
Speaker 2: single mom and two children. So I feel like he

1013
00:50:40,328 --> 00:50:42,488
Speaker 2: got gassed up a lot by people going, Oh, you're

1014
00:50:42,528 --> 00:50:45,288
Speaker 2: so amazing for doing this and whatever. And I don't

1015
00:50:45,288 --> 00:50:47,047
Speaker 2: know if that just gave him this ego boost all

1016
00:50:47,088 --> 00:50:49,448
Speaker 2: the time and gave him the validation that he was needing.

1017
00:50:49,968 --> 00:50:51,848
Speaker 2: And I was giving him all that as well, telling

1018
00:50:51,888 --> 00:50:55,008
Speaker 2: him how proud of him I was, and he was

1019
00:50:55,048 --> 00:50:57,328
Speaker 2: getting all the validation and the ego boost that he did.

1020
00:50:57,368 --> 00:50:59,047
Speaker 2: And I think once you get married and all that

1021
00:50:59,168 --> 00:51:01,647
Speaker 2: kind of like fades away into normality and you start

1022
00:51:01,688 --> 00:51:05,168
Speaker 2: going to normal life, people stopped telling him how amazing

1023
00:51:05,168 --> 00:51:07,288
Speaker 2: it was to taking me on, I guess, And I

1024
00:51:07,328 --> 00:51:09,728
Speaker 2: guess with our busy lives and how we kind of

1025
00:51:09,928 --> 00:51:12,167
Speaker 2: just got really caught up in our work and things

1026
00:51:12,168 --> 00:51:15,168
Speaker 2: like that, I probably stopped telling him how much I

1027
00:51:15,248 --> 00:51:18,248
Speaker 2: admired him as well, So I think he doesn't needed

1028
00:51:18,248 --> 00:51:22,087
Speaker 2: to get validation from external sources, and that's why it

1029
00:51:22,168 --> 00:51:25,128
Speaker 2: was happening. Why I found out all of a sudden,

1030
00:51:25,248 --> 00:51:26,648
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know if it was the

1031
00:51:26,768 --> 00:51:29,647
Speaker 2: universe trying to be like, let's just throw it all

1032
00:51:29,648 --> 00:51:31,728
Speaker 2: at you at once, because I feel like if you

1033
00:51:31,848 --> 00:51:33,968
Speaker 2: just get told a few things, you'll probably stay. I

1034
00:51:33,968 --> 00:51:36,688
Speaker 2: don't know and which I did, so I don't know,

1035
00:51:36,808 --> 00:51:38,968
Speaker 2: but like I said, I think that once one person

1036
00:51:40,008 --> 00:51:42,408
Speaker 2: kind of knew that I found out about a few them,

1037
00:51:42,488 --> 00:51:45,048
Speaker 2: they were kind of like floodgates opened, and then everyone

1038
00:51:45,128 --> 00:51:46,527
Speaker 2: was like, oh, well, she kind of knows about some

1039
00:51:46,648 --> 00:51:48,248
Speaker 2: now we might as well tell her what we know.

1040
00:51:49,008 --> 00:51:51,568
Speaker 2: Like to this day, I still find out things. I

1041
00:51:51,648 --> 00:51:54,248
Speaker 2: ran into a girl the other day and she said, oh,

1042
00:51:54,288 --> 00:51:57,087
Speaker 2: do you remember when you're at this certain bar? And

1043
00:51:57,168 --> 00:51:59,008
Speaker 2: I said yeah, and she's like, we ran into you

1044
00:51:59,008 --> 00:52:00,848
Speaker 2: and Luke and I was like, yeah, you know I remember.

1045
00:52:01,248 --> 00:52:02,848
Speaker 2: She goes, yeah, you went to the toilet and he

1046
00:52:02,848 --> 00:52:04,527
Speaker 2: told me he wanted to take me home to me.

1047
00:52:05,488 --> 00:52:08,728
Speaker 2: It still hurts, but I'm also like I'm not even

1048
00:52:08,808 --> 00:52:13,928
Speaker 2: surprised anymore, or like I'm just like another one. It's

1049
00:52:13,968 --> 00:52:15,888
Speaker 2: not like the hurt when I found out about the

1050
00:52:15,928 --> 00:52:17,888
Speaker 2: first Tinder account and all the rest of that that

1051
00:52:18,128 --> 00:52:20,008
Speaker 2: I'm kind of numb to it now, Like it just

1052
00:52:20,048 --> 00:52:22,408
Speaker 2: makes me more angry that I trusted him than I

1053
00:52:22,408 --> 00:52:26,328
Speaker 2: got so conned into loving someone so hard and putting

1054
00:52:26,328 --> 00:52:28,888
Speaker 2: them on a pedestal when there was zero respect or

1055
00:52:29,008 --> 00:52:30,688
Speaker 2: love there given from him to me.

1056
00:52:31,928 --> 00:52:33,088
Speaker 3: I'm still healing.

1057
00:52:33,448 --> 00:52:36,968
Speaker 2: I will never be the same person again, and that's okay.

1058
00:52:37,888 --> 00:52:41,408
Speaker 2: I worry that my trusting people has gone my second

1059
00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:43,688
Speaker 2: guess everything that people tell me now, I'm like, are

1060
00:52:43,688 --> 00:52:45,648
Speaker 2: you telling me the truth? But maybe that was for

1061
00:52:45,688 --> 00:52:48,208
Speaker 2: the best because I think I was way too forgiving

1062
00:52:48,288 --> 00:52:53,248
Speaker 2: and way too naive. Maybe I just thought people had

1063
00:52:53,288 --> 00:52:56,328
Speaker 2: good intentions and everyone was telling the truth. And now

1064
00:52:56,368 --> 00:52:59,728
Speaker 2: I kind of I don't have that side of me anymore.

1065
00:53:00,488 --> 00:53:03,087
Speaker 2: I'm stronger though, I'm more assertive. I'll just stand up

1066
00:53:03,128 --> 00:53:06,848
Speaker 2: for myself now, which is good. I ended up getting

1067
00:53:06,888 --> 00:53:09,968
Speaker 2: back into work and starting my own business at that time,

1068
00:53:10,208 --> 00:53:14,488
Speaker 2: so I just really concentrated on that. I have absolutely

1069
00:53:14,568 --> 00:53:18,488
Speaker 2: beautiful friends, Like, my friends are amazing. I went on

1070
00:53:18,488 --> 00:53:20,328
Speaker 2: a holiday to Bali with one of my girlfriends and

1071
00:53:20,448 --> 00:53:23,208
Speaker 2: have their time of my life. My friends have just

1072
00:53:23,288 --> 00:53:26,127
Speaker 2: kind of made me see that I'm okay, Like I

1073
00:53:26,168 --> 00:53:29,408
Speaker 2: am a good person. I don't need that person in

1074
00:53:29,448 --> 00:53:33,448
Speaker 2: my life. I'm back to myself again. I'm happy. I'm laughing.

1075
00:53:34,008 --> 00:53:36,008
Speaker 2: I'm just still just doing one day at a time,

1076
00:53:36,048 --> 00:53:38,167
Speaker 2: and I've done a lot of healing.

1077
00:53:37,848 --> 00:53:39,488
Speaker 3: Classes, a lot of energy work.

1078
00:53:39,728 --> 00:53:43,168
Speaker 2: I really love my pilates, so it's just about me

1079
00:53:43,208 --> 00:53:46,688
Speaker 2: and my girls. My youngest I do feel like she

1080
00:53:46,728 --> 00:53:49,768
Speaker 2: has a bit of abandonment issues, which breaks my heart.

1081
00:53:49,968 --> 00:53:53,488
Speaker 2: Her and I have gotten so much closer. We were

1082
00:53:53,528 --> 00:53:56,328
Speaker 2: already so close, but if we could get any closer,

1083
00:53:56,368 --> 00:53:59,008
Speaker 2: we have. My eldest is kind of at that fifteen

1084
00:53:59,088 --> 00:54:00,888
Speaker 2: year old stage where she's kind of too cool and

1085
00:54:00,888 --> 00:54:02,647
Speaker 2: hangs out with her friends a lot. But the three

1086
00:54:02,688 --> 00:54:05,408
Speaker 2: of us are just so tight and they mean the

1087
00:54:05,448 --> 00:54:08,288
Speaker 2: world to me, so I'll do anything to make sure

1088
00:54:08,288 --> 00:54:10,968
Speaker 2: that their happiness is at the top, and they're my

1089
00:54:11,008 --> 00:54:14,768
Speaker 2: priority no matter what. I think they were more worried

1090
00:54:14,808 --> 00:54:17,127
Speaker 2: about me than themselves, so.

1091
00:54:17,168 --> 00:54:19,448
Speaker 3: They were really worried about how I was.

1092
00:54:20,168 --> 00:54:22,408
Speaker 2: My youngest slept with me every night and she would

1093
00:54:22,408 --> 00:54:25,968
Speaker 2: pat me to sleep, So I think we just had

1094
00:54:26,008 --> 00:54:28,167
Speaker 2: each other. We just the three of us just really

1095
00:54:28,288 --> 00:54:31,208
Speaker 2: rallied around and we had each other. And I would

1096
00:54:31,528 --> 00:54:33,848
Speaker 2: much take the relationship that I have with my daughters

1097
00:54:33,888 --> 00:54:38,008
Speaker 2: over trying to rekindle anything with him. I've been through

1098
00:54:38,048 --> 00:54:42,728
Speaker 2: a lot, and I've gotten through it, so I mean,

1099
00:54:42,848 --> 00:54:45,008
Speaker 2: I'm proud of where I am today. I could have

1100
00:54:45,168 --> 00:54:48,288
Speaker 2: ended it, and I'm so glad I didn't. My girls

1101
00:54:48,328 --> 00:54:52,167
Speaker 2: need me and I need them, and I'm just still

1102
00:54:52,168 --> 00:54:55,128
Speaker 2: on that healing process and that journey and that's okay,

1103
00:54:55,248 --> 00:54:57,408
Speaker 2: and I don't know how long that will take, but

1104
00:54:57,568 --> 00:55:01,368
Speaker 2: I'm committed to being a better person and being stronger

1105
00:55:01,408 --> 00:55:01,728
Speaker 2: from this.

1106
00:55:02,848 --> 00:55:05,527
Speaker 3: I still love love. I'm a sucker for.

1107
00:55:05,608 --> 00:55:08,527
Speaker 2: Love, but it, honestly, in the same breath makes me

1108
00:55:08,568 --> 00:55:13,448
Speaker 2: feel ill. Like I've watched movies and I watch shows

1109
00:55:13,448 --> 00:55:15,768
Speaker 2: like I cried my eyes out the other day watching

1110
00:55:15,968 --> 00:55:20,808
Speaker 2: love on the spatrum. I'm like, oh, and I'm like,

1111
00:55:20,928 --> 00:55:26,048
Speaker 2: I'm such a sucker for love. But I just feel

1112
00:55:26,128 --> 00:55:28,648
Speaker 2: like the one thing that I love so much and

1113
00:55:28,728 --> 00:55:30,448
Speaker 2: want in my life is the one thing that I

1114
00:55:30,488 --> 00:55:32,368
Speaker 2: fear the most, and it's the one thing that can

1115
00:55:32,448 --> 00:55:34,928
Speaker 2: hurt me the most. So I don't know if I'll

1116
00:55:34,928 --> 00:55:36,928
Speaker 2: ever be ready for a relationship.

1117
00:55:36,968 --> 00:55:37,328
Speaker 3: I don't know.

1118
00:55:37,528 --> 00:55:40,808
Speaker 2: I don't know what the future brings. It's not even

1119
00:55:40,848 --> 00:55:45,328
Speaker 2: in my vision right now. I don't need that happy

1120
00:55:45,448 --> 00:55:47,968
Speaker 2: ever after marriage anymore because I'm already happy. You're gonna

1121
00:55:48,008 --> 00:55:50,248
Speaker 2: live happily ever after with my two girls.

1122
00:56:05,648 --> 00:56:08,288
Speaker 1: Everyone Has An Eggs it's a Minty Media production and

1123
00:56:08,368 --> 00:56:11,488
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mama A Network. It's written and

1124
00:56:11,568 --> 00:56:14,808
Speaker 1: narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1125
00:56:15,128 --> 00:56:17,328
Speaker 1: If you like what you've heard, support the podcast by

1126
00:56:17,408 --> 00:56:20,928
Speaker 1: hitting subscribe, writing a review, and leaving us five stars.

1127
00:56:21,328 --> 00:56:24,167
Speaker 1: You can also follow us on Instagram at Everyone has

1128
00:56:24,168 --> 00:56:26,128
Speaker 1: an X. And if you have a story you'd like

1129
00:56:26,208 --> 00:56:28,567
Speaker 1: to share, you can contact us at Everyone Has an

1130
00:56:28,768 --> 00:56:32,408
Speaker 1: X at mintimedia dot com dot you, or submissions at

1131
00:56:32,448 --> 00:56:35,047
Speaker 1: momamya dot com dot you with the word submission in

1132
00:56:35,088 --> 00:56:38,128
Speaker 1: the subject field. And while you're waiting for the next episode,

1133
00:56:38,168 --> 00:56:41,928
Speaker 1: why not check out my other podcast, Not Another Crime Podcast,

1134
00:56:42,168 --> 00:56:45,608
Speaker 1: where I discuss with my co host, comedian Sammy Peterson,

1135
00:56:45,728 --> 00:56:48,968
Speaker 1: the true crimes we find them most fascinating. Search Not

1136
00:56:49,088 --> 00:56:51,527
Speaker 1: Another Crime Podcast on your favorite podcast app.