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Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is recorded on.

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Speaker 1: Money.

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Speaker 2: We work hard for it. It can bring so much joy,

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Speaker 2: especially when shared with loved ones to create long lasting memories,

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Speaker 2: as was the case for.

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Speaker 1: Biancha because it was his fortieth birthday. I paid for everything,

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Speaker 1: including for his daughter. I spent a lot of money,

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Speaker 1: that's for sure, because we wanted to have special dinners

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Speaker 1: and lovely nights out and really wanted to treat his

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Speaker 1: daughter was really special. It was just a wonderful time together.

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Speaker 2: But there's a dark side to money, or more so

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Speaker 2: how it can turn acts of kindness into entrapment and

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Speaker 2: loved ones into vultures.

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Speaker 1: I kept paying for everything and dwindled my saving down

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Speaker 1: to practically nothing. I thought, well, if I don't pay

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Speaker 1: for things, he's not going to pay for things for

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Speaker 1: the kids. And I didn't want them to be stuck

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Speaker 1: in the middle and get hurt, so I just kept

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Speaker 1: paying for everything.

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Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.

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Speaker 2: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 2: hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet b

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Speaker 2: Anchor charismatic, smart, witty, successful, and at a stage of

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Speaker 2: her life where she was ready to settle down.

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Speaker 1: Throughout most of my twenties and thirties, they dated and

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Speaker 1: had relationships, but really wasn't ready to settle down. I

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Speaker 1: was very focused on my career. I traveled extensively, but

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Speaker 1: I had a pact with myself to do New Year's

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Speaker 1: in a different country every single year, which I did

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Speaker 1: and it was amazing. I had a wonderful life. And

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Speaker 1: then when I turned forty, I sort of started thinking,

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Speaker 1: maybe it's time to settle down. I'm at a place

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Speaker 1: where I want to be in my career, in my life, financially,

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Speaker 1: everything was going really well. So I thought about it

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Speaker 1: for a while, and then I turned forty one. I thought, Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's time. So I started playing around with online dating,

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Speaker 1: and not long after I turned forty one, I met

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Speaker 1: Alex on Plenty of Fish. That was in January twenty seventeen.

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Speaker 1: He struck a chord with me. So I was forty one.

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Speaker 1: He was thirty nine. He'd been a bit over a

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Speaker 1: year after a separation of his marriage. He wasn't yet divorced,

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Speaker 1: but separated for quite some time. He'd spent that year,

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Speaker 1: probably not dating, but certainly having a good time. But

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Speaker 1: his profile photo itself wasn't it. He certainly wasn't the

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Speaker 1: usual type I would go for throughout my thirties when

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Speaker 1: I had days, I'd very much gone for tradees and

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Speaker 1: party boys. No one that was serious. And his profile

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Speaker 1: was actually quite serious, and he talked about his work

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Speaker 1: and how invested he was. But most importantly his profile

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Speaker 1: spoke about, you know, how much he loved his children.

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Speaker 1: So he had four children, one from essentially a one

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Speaker 1: night stand in his early twenties. She was sixteen, I

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Speaker 1: think at the time, but then he had three children

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Speaker 1: with his ex wife, and he spoke in his profile

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Speaker 1: that his children and his family and friends met the

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Speaker 1: world to him, and he was ready to meet someone

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Speaker 1: and for them to be a part of that extended family.

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Speaker 1: And for me, that was really attractive.

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Speaker 2: Bianca didn't want children of her own, but she loved them,

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Speaker 2: so the idea of a ready made family sounded pretty good.

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Speaker 1: I guess I just didn't want them full time, So

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Speaker 1: him having a family sort of part time really was

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Speaker 1: very attractive. For me and him talking about how invested

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Speaker 1: he was in them made him appear very vulnerable and

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Speaker 1: very kind, and whilst physically he didn't appeal to me necessarily,

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Speaker 1: he seemed to have a very kind nature. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: he'd grown up down the coast and I had only recently,

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Speaker 1: in fact, the month that we met, I'd bought a

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Speaker 1: holiday house down the coast, just one suburb away from

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Speaker 1: where he lived. So we had a lot to talk

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Speaker 1: about in terms of bonding on the region. And then

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Speaker 1: you know, we both lived in the eastern part of Melbourne,

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Speaker 1: so we had a lot of similarities. There was a

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Speaker 1: lot that we connected over. We chatted for three or

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Speaker 1: four weeks. We found it really difficult to make a

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Speaker 1: date to actually meet in person. We both had jobs

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Speaker 1: that required a fair bit of interstate travel and so

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Speaker 1: just aligning our calendars was a bit of a challenge,

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Speaker 1: but we did a line and our first date was

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Speaker 1: actually in Queensland. We were both in Queensland for work

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Speaker 1: at the same time, so it was the sort of

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Speaker 1: a last minute date where we hadn't realized we were

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Speaker 1: going to be in Queensland at the same time, and

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Speaker 1: I remember I had my work clothes which were quite

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Speaker 1: formal or I had a skirt and a white singlet

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Speaker 1: and a pair of thongs. So I felt a bit

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Speaker 1: uncomfortable and I warned him, like, I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: look flash. I've really only got beach clothes and thongs.

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Speaker 1: But happy to meet for a drink. So we met

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Speaker 1: for a drink, spoke a lot about his family, We

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Speaker 1: spoke about our jobs. I was really excited about the

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Speaker 1: beach house that I'd bought, so I was sharing plans

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Speaker 1: about that, and it was lovely and one drink turned

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Speaker 1: into two, which turned into three. Then I put a

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Speaker 1: stop to that. I didn't want to get out of

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Speaker 1: control on the first date. But as he was going

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Speaker 1: to the bar to order our third drinks, a couple

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Speaker 1: from another table in the bar came and tapped me

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Speaker 1: on the shoulder and they were giggling, and I said, Hi,

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Speaker 1: who are you And they said, hi, u Bianka, we

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Speaker 1: saw you having a drink with Alex and I said, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I am. They said, oh, we're actually friends of his

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Speaker 1: from work and he was really excited about this date.

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Speaker 1: And we've been spying on you from the table over there.

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Speaker 1: It looks like it's going really well, we can see

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Speaker 1: him smiling, would you like to join us for dinner?

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Speaker 1: So his friends actually invited me for dinner and not him,

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Speaker 1: but I said, oh, okay, well if he wants me

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Speaker 1: to sure. He came back to the table and yeah,

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Speaker 1: how to laugh, And it all came out that they'd

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Speaker 1: been sort of spying on us, and we're really happy.

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Speaker 1: So we progressed to dinner and had a lovely night,

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Speaker 1: the four of us. They were all there for work,

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Speaker 1: so he's work paid as well, which was a bonus.

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Speaker 1: So we had a lovely meal. I had a couple

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Speaker 1: of chats with the female friend that was there, and

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Speaker 1: she was lovely and I thought, gosh, he's just got

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Speaker 1: lovely friends, and I've spoken so much much about his family.

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Speaker 1: He was there for work. It sounded like he had

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Speaker 1: a great job. Sort of ticked a lot of boxes

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Speaker 1: really that I was looking for. After dinner, said goodbye

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Speaker 1: to the friends, He walked me back to my hotel.

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Speaker 1: We kissed and then said goodbye, and then just continued

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Speaker 1: chatting on the phone, texting.

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Speaker 2: It was a great date, but Bianca wasn't home and

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Speaker 2: host immediately she had a couple more dates lined up

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Speaker 2: with other guys she'd met online, so it was silly

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Speaker 2: not to go on them.

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Speaker 1: Nice guys. But I guess those dates to me really

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Speaker 1: went oh okay. Actually I really liked Alex in comparison.

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Speaker 1: Now that I've met a couple of other people, I

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Speaker 1: think I want to see him again. So when we

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Speaker 1: were both back in Melbourne, he asked to meet again

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Speaker 1: and I said I can. However, I'm going to be

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Speaker 1: spending the weekend at my new beach house. I'm painting,

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Speaker 1: I'm ripping up floors. It's a bit of a dump.

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Speaker 1: I really need to put a bit of work in

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Speaker 1: before I can stay there. And he said, that's okay.

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Speaker 1: I will drive down the coast and you know, we

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Speaker 1: can just have casual fish and chips on the beach,

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Speaker 1: just chill, get to know each other better. And I thought, oh,

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Speaker 1: how lovely. Like really went out of his way to

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Speaker 1: accommodate the fact that I was really busy and I had,

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Speaker 1: you know, all these things going on. So he came

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Speaker 1: down that weekend on the Saturday afternoon and surprised me

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Speaker 1: by turning up in painting clothes with a paint roller

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Speaker 1: and a paint brush and essentially said, look, I'm here

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Speaker 1: to help. We painted and chatted for a couple of hours,

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Speaker 1: went and had fish and chips on the beach. He

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Speaker 1: met my dogs, which they're like my children. Yeah, I said,

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Speaker 1: I never wanted children, but I love animals. So he

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Speaker 1: was lovely with my dogs, and that sort of tick

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Speaker 1: to box as well, just the turning up with painting

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Speaker 1: clothes and a paint brush. He worked out what my

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Speaker 1: buttons were, and straight away I was pretty hooked. From

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Speaker 1: that point forward, we both took ourselves offline pretty much

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Speaker 1: immediately and were exclusive from that point. We were seeing

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Speaker 1: each other probably three or four nights a week. We'd

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Speaker 1: go out for dinners, drinks, the usual dates that you

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Speaker 1: go on. He would stay at my house a couple

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Speaker 1: of nights a week. I would stay at his. I mean,

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Speaker 1: he was absolutely beautiful to me, and I just felt special.

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Speaker 1: I felt loved. I think within three or four weeks

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Speaker 1: of getting serious, he said that he was falling in

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Speaker 1: love with me. He'd never felt like this, even when

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Speaker 1: he'd met his ex wife. He had dated in between,

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Speaker 1: but he just felt like the minute he met me,

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Speaker 1: I was the one. Almost every time I saw him,

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Speaker 1: there'd be flowers. He had long stem red roses delivered

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Speaker 1: to my work. He cooked a lot for me, which

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Speaker 1: was lovely because I lived on my own and I

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Speaker 1: really cooked, so having someone cook for me was a

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Speaker 1: beautiful treat and it would always be something that I loved.

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Speaker 1: So he just made a monumental effort to just make

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Speaker 1: me feel really special.

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Speaker 2: As well as all of this, she felt empathy for him.

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Speaker 2: The breakdown of his marriage hadn't been good and it

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Speaker 2: had left him.

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Speaker 1: In not such a great situation for someone that had

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Speaker 1: a very good job. I obviously never said anything, but

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Speaker 1: his tiny, tiny, two bedroom flat was a little bit

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Speaker 1: of a surprise. It was a very old, very rundown flat.

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Speaker 1: You know, the carpets were stained, it was dirty. All

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Speaker 1: of the furniture was sort of secondhand that he'd gotten

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Speaker 1: from friends for free as hand me down. His dining

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Speaker 1: table was an outdoor table. His eldest daughter, the sixteen

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Speaker 1: year old, didn't visit. He didn't really have a relationship

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Speaker 1: with her at that point, but the three youngest children,

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Speaker 1: which at the time I think were three, four, and six,

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Speaker 1: did come to stay every second weekend and a few

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Speaker 1: nights in between, and the three of them were in

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Speaker 1: secondhand not that there's anything wrong with secondhand, but they

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Speaker 1: were in very cramped bunk beds, sharing one bedroom in

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Speaker 1: a really small flat with a tiny little bathroom and

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Speaker 1: a tiny kitchen. I didn't judge that. He explained that

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Speaker 1: his ex wife had cheated on him and kicked him out,

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Speaker 1: and that she had stolen all of the money that

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Speaker 1: they had in their bank account as a home deposit,

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Speaker 1: and that kicked him out with nothing. And he'd explained

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Speaker 1: that I've got nothing, she kept everything. I've had to

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Speaker 1: stay on a friend's couch for six months to save

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Speaker 1: up enough to rent this flat. But I only plan

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Speaker 1: on being here for a year while I get back

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Speaker 1: on my feet, and then I'll buy or rent something nicer,

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Speaker 1: upgrade my furniture. It's only temporary. And that all made sense.

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Speaker 1: He was paying a lot of child support, obviously for

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Speaker 1: three children, but also the eldest wasn't yet eighteen, so

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Speaker 1: he was actually paying child support for four children. So

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Speaker 1: I really understood that that would have been really difficult,

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Speaker 1: and I guess any judgment I had made immediately went

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Speaker 1: out the window. I thought, this is awful that his

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Speaker 1: ex wife and the mother of his children has left

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Speaker 1: him in this position, and I felt such empathy for him.

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Speaker 1: Probably only two months into our relationship, he hadn't met

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Speaker 1: my friends and family, or maybe a couple of friends

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Speaker 1: at this point, but certainly hadn't met my family. I'd

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Speaker 1: mentioned that I was dating someone and I quite liked him,

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Speaker 1: so they were happy for me and keen to meet him,

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Speaker 1: but I didn't want to rush things. But about two

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Speaker 1: months in my grandmother passed away and I was very

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Speaker 1: very close with my grandmother and had been nominated by

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Speaker 1: the family as the one to do a eulogy, which

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Speaker 1: I was very nervous about, and I guess needed support.

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Speaker 1: He offered to come to the funeral, and I said, look,

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Speaker 1: it's too much. You haven't met my family. I'll be crying.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's going to be a really uncomfortable situation.

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Speaker 1: Much as I appreciate the offerer support, you don't need

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Speaker 1: to come, I also don't want you to see me

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Speaker 1: upsair and meet my family when we're upset. But the

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Speaker 1: day came and I was up the front of the

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Speaker 1: church giving my eulogy, and I saw him sneak in

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Speaker 1: the back door and sit in the back row and

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Speaker 1: just smile at me with encouragement, which I just thought

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Speaker 1: was so beautiful. Like I'd said no, but I guess,

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Speaker 1: deep down, you know, I probably did want him there,

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Speaker 1: and it was so beautiful that he showed up. He

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Speaker 1: met my family very briefly, obviously not time for chit chat,

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Speaker 1: paid his respects, and then left. It was absolutely lovely.

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Speaker 1: So from there we just got closer and closer. He

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Speaker 1: wanted me to meet the rest of his family, and

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Speaker 1: I had met his three younger children, and they were

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Speaker 1: just beautiful, absolutely beautiful. They were happy, they loved him.

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Speaker 1: He really did appear as a wonderful father. We had

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Speaker 1: them every second weekend and yeah, the occasional night in between,

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Speaker 1: and you know, we just did normal family activities. We

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Speaker 1: sort of of course I wasn't their mum, but you know,

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Speaker 1: it really felt like a happy little family and we'd

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Speaker 1: do activities and bike rides and go to the park

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Speaker 1: and you know, all those fun things that families do.

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Speaker 1: And so for me, just having this part time family

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Speaker 1: was perfect and exactly what I had been looking for.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, about three months in one of his sisters

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Speaker 1: had a birthday and she lived in Regional Victoria, so

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Speaker 1: we went away for the weekend we went out for dinner,

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Speaker 1: had tepinyaki, you know, through the eggs, all that fun stuff.

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Speaker 1: So it was a great way to meet. Then we

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Speaker 1: went out to a bar in that town and things turned.

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Speaker 1: And all that happened is I was at the bar

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Speaker 1: just ordering a couple of drinks, and a young guy

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Speaker 1: probably in his twenties, like half my age, started chatting

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Speaker 1: to me at the bar, just while waiting for drinks.

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Speaker 1: Literally that was it. Got our beers or whatever, and okay, great,

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Speaker 1: have a good night, and he then just started ignoring me.

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Speaker 1: Literally for the rest of the night. I would try

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Speaker 1: and dance with him on the dance floor and he'd

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Speaker 1: turn his back and walk off. He just ignored me

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Speaker 1: for the rest of the night. I was left, you know,

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Speaker 1: in this bar in a regional town, and the only

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Speaker 1: people I knew where his family I'd met two hours before,

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Speaker 1: and they said, oh, so sorry, we can see what's happened.

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Speaker 1: It's not your fault. And I said, well, what's happened.

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Speaker 1: I don't know why he's ignoring me. This is really awkward.

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Speaker 1: We think he saw you talking to that guy at

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Speaker 1: the bar. I said, yeah, we were ordering drinks, just

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Speaker 1: standing next to each other, and they said, Oh, he

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Speaker 1: gets really jealous and can get a bit funny because

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Speaker 1: his ex wife cheated on him. So you just kind

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Speaker 1: of need to know that about him, that you basically

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Speaker 1: can't talk to another guy in front of him because

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Speaker 1: he's afraid that you're going to cheat on him. And

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Speaker 1: much as it was horrible and I felt very uncomfortable

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Speaker 1: and he pretty much ruined the weekend again, I guess

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Speaker 1: I understood. I thought, well, wow, if an ex had

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Speaker 1: cheated on me and left me, and I get that,

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Speaker 1: there's this jealousy streak. By the end of the night,

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Speaker 1: I guess he had a couple more drinks and came

290
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Speaker 1: around and he was sincerely apologetic. He said the same

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Speaker 1: as his family, I'm so sorry my ex cheated on me.

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Speaker 1: I have a fear that that's going to happen again.

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Speaker 1: Just seeing you talking to someone else just caught me

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Speaker 1: off guard and I shouldn't have reacted like that or

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00:17:08,890 --> 00:17:11,650
Speaker 1: will never happen again. I'm so sorry, And we moved

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Speaker 1: on and got over it.

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Speaker 2: So Bianca and Alex's life together continued on and kept progressing.

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Speaker 2: The more time they spent together, the better it got,

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Speaker 2: and the more Bianca found herself fooling for him.

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Speaker 1: He'd introduced me to a female friend, the one he'd

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Speaker 1: been staying on the couch with for six months, and

302
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:34,450
Speaker 1: when I met her, she pulled me aside and said,

303
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Speaker 1: Alex has been telling me so much about you. He

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Speaker 1: absolutely adores you. He just thinks you're kind, you're wonderful.

305
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Speaker 1: He loves that you work so hard and you're so ambitious,

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Speaker 1: and you've done so well for yourself, which I valued

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Speaker 1: that because there had been a few instances in my

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Speaker 1: thirties where I had started to date people, and I'm

309
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Speaker 1: by no means overly successful. I'm middle of the road

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Speaker 1: corporate job. But a number of men that I had

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Speaker 1: met were somewhat intimidated by that and a bit threatened,

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Speaker 1: Whereas he seemed to really be proud of that and

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Speaker 1: value that I was a strong, independent female. So I thought, Wow,

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Speaker 1: this really works. We're both got great jobs, we're both strong,

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Speaker 1: we're both kind. And then his children were just this

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00:18:28,690 --> 00:18:32,970
Speaker 1: added level of I guess beauty that he brought to

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Speaker 1: the relationship. I loved watching him with them. We all

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00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,890
Speaker 1: cuddled on the couch and watched Disney movies. I felt

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Speaker 1: content and What had also happened in that sort of

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Speaker 1: first eight months is I mentioned he didn't have a

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Speaker 1: great relationship or almost no relationship with the sixteen year old,

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Speaker 1: and he had explained to me that he'd always wanted one,

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Speaker 1: but he'd never been with the mother. It was a

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00:19:00,890 --> 00:19:04,330
Speaker 1: very short fling, early twenties, and he actually didn't even

325
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Speaker 1: know she was pregnant until essentially the daughter was born,

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Speaker 1: and he said he'd wanted a relationship with her, but

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Speaker 1: that he's ex wife wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't allow

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Speaker 1: a child that wasn't hers into their family, And he

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00:19:19,330 --> 00:19:22,010
Speaker 1: blamed his ex wife on the fact that he really

330
00:19:22,050 --> 00:19:25,410
Speaker 1: hadn't seen his daughter for many years and had no relationship.

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Speaker 1: Now that I was around, they'd started talking on the

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Speaker 1: phone and just connecting, and she'd started coming around a

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Speaker 1: few times and having dinner, and they'd started forming a relationship.

334
00:19:38,450 --> 00:19:41,570
Speaker 1: And he credited that to me, which just made me

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00:19:41,610 --> 00:19:44,690
Speaker 1: feel wonderful that I had helped bring this father and

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00:19:44,810 --> 00:19:50,810
Speaker 1: daughter together. So when his fortieth birthday came around that year,

337
00:19:51,210 --> 00:19:53,810
Speaker 1: we decided to go on a holiday to Bali together

338
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Speaker 1: and invite the sixteen year old along so that he

339
00:19:58,010 --> 00:20:01,410
Speaker 1: could spend time with her without the other three children there,

340
00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:04,930
Speaker 1: and she was old enough to come along. Because it

341
00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:09,850
Speaker 1: was his fortieth birthday, I paid for everything, including for

342
00:20:09,890 --> 00:20:12,970
Speaker 1: his daughter, so that was obviously see a decent amount

343
00:20:13,010 --> 00:20:16,450
Speaker 1: of money. We mostly had a wonderful time. I spent

344
00:20:16,530 --> 00:20:19,090
Speaker 1: a lot of money, that's for sure, because we wanted

345
00:20:19,130 --> 00:20:22,970
Speaker 1: to have special dinners and just lovely nights out, and

346
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:25,650
Speaker 1: really wanted to treat his daughter. And again it was

347
00:20:25,690 --> 00:20:29,490
Speaker 1: his fortieth so it was really special. We didn't fight,

348
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:32,650
Speaker 1: we didn't anything. It was just a wonderful time together.

349
00:20:33,530 --> 00:20:35,650
Speaker 1: Came home and thought, wow, that was great. We might

350
00:20:35,650 --> 00:20:38,290
Speaker 1: actually go to Bali every year. From that point on,

351
00:20:38,610 --> 00:20:42,650
Speaker 1: we had so many weekends away. We went to Nelson

352
00:20:42,690 --> 00:20:47,130
Speaker 1: Bay and went hiking. We did a trip around Tasmania.

353
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Speaker 1: We both still traveled a lot for work, probably at

354
00:20:51,730 --> 00:20:55,330
Speaker 1: least one week a month, if not too We actually

355
00:20:55,410 --> 00:20:58,810
Speaker 1: like juggled our work schedules so that we were interstate

356
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:01,890
Speaker 1: at the same time, in the same cities. It was

357
00:21:01,930 --> 00:21:04,730
Speaker 1: like we were on perpetual holiday. We had the best

358
00:21:04,730 --> 00:21:09,250
Speaker 1: of both worlds. Family, sometimes couples sometimes. By this point

359
00:21:09,690 --> 00:21:12,970
Speaker 1: he'd met all my friends. They all thought he was wonderful.

360
00:21:13,290 --> 00:21:17,570
Speaker 1: I love going to concerts and gigs, and he joined

361
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,170
Speaker 1: into that crowd and came out with all my concert friends,

362
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:25,130
Speaker 1: and I think my friends actually really started to adore

363
00:21:25,210 --> 00:21:27,890
Speaker 1: him when we decided to go to Pete Murray, which

364
00:21:27,930 --> 00:21:31,290
Speaker 1: is not everyone's cup of tea, and he didn't like

365
00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:33,970
Speaker 1: Pete Murray at all, but he said, no, no, you

366
00:21:34,050 --> 00:21:36,450
Speaker 1: really like Oh come, And it was essentially all my

367
00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:40,090
Speaker 1: girlfriends and him, like no one else's partner or husband

368
00:21:40,130 --> 00:21:42,410
Speaker 1: had come, just him, and they were like, God, Alex

369
00:21:42,530 --> 00:21:44,650
Speaker 1: is so nice. I can't believe you got him to

370
00:21:44,690 --> 00:21:47,650
Speaker 1: come to Pete Murray. We just had a wonderful time

371
00:21:47,730 --> 00:21:50,290
Speaker 1: and I think my favorite date. And I can't remember

372
00:21:50,290 --> 00:21:53,490
Speaker 1: how far in this is, but there's a band I love,

373
00:21:53,650 --> 00:21:57,010
Speaker 1: a UK band called Star Sailor. Hardly anyone knows them,

374
00:21:57,010 --> 00:22:01,010
Speaker 1: but I absolutely love them. They came to Melbourne and

375
00:22:01,090 --> 00:22:06,730
Speaker 1: did an acoustic concert in Saint Kilda, and he surprised

376
00:22:06,770 --> 00:22:08,850
Speaker 1: me with I think he must have copied over my

377
00:22:09,250 --> 00:22:11,850
Speaker 1: iTunes account or something, because he learned all all of

378
00:22:11,890 --> 00:22:15,650
Speaker 1: their songs, like five albums worth of songs. Surprised me,

379
00:22:15,970 --> 00:22:18,690
Speaker 1: took me to the concert. Honestly, it was the best

380
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:20,650
Speaker 1: concert I've ever been to just because I love them,

381
00:22:21,290 --> 00:22:24,650
Speaker 1: and it was acoustic and it was intimate, and because

382
00:22:24,650 --> 00:22:26,770
Speaker 1: he'd learned all the words, and we sung them and

383
00:22:26,810 --> 00:22:29,090
Speaker 1: practiced on the way in in the car, and he

384
00:22:29,250 --> 00:22:32,290
Speaker 1: just did so many thoughtful things. And again there was

385
00:22:32,330 --> 00:22:37,010
Speaker 1: always flowers and cards. And I've never had someone tell

386
00:22:37,050 --> 00:22:42,490
Speaker 1: me I love you like daily daily, just he was beautiful.

387
00:22:43,210 --> 00:22:45,730
Speaker 2: They went on like this for about nine months, when

388
00:22:45,770 --> 00:22:48,690
Speaker 2: Alex stayed true to his word, and after twelve months

389
00:22:48,770 --> 00:22:51,410
Speaker 2: there moved out of the tiny bayside flat.

390
00:22:52,130 --> 00:22:54,090
Speaker 1: Moving in together wasn't even on the cards, but he

391
00:22:54,210 --> 00:22:57,610
Speaker 1: did move from being about forty minutes away to about

392
00:22:57,650 --> 00:23:00,770
Speaker 1: five minutes away, to a much nicer place, a bigger

393
00:23:00,770 --> 00:23:05,010
Speaker 1: place where the kids weren't squashed into one room. I

394
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:08,690
Speaker 1: bought him some new furniture to help him make this

395
00:23:08,810 --> 00:23:12,170
Speaker 1: new house a home. I bought all new linen and

396
00:23:12,250 --> 00:23:15,170
Speaker 1: towel so he could get rid of all the the

397
00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:16,930
Speaker 1: sort of hand me downs that he'd been using. So

398
00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:19,370
Speaker 1: I basically kitted out his new house for him and

399
00:23:19,490 --> 00:23:22,530
Speaker 1: wanted to make it really welcoming for the kids. By

400
00:23:22,570 --> 00:23:25,010
Speaker 1: this point, we'd been together about a year and a

401
00:23:25,050 --> 00:23:30,170
Speaker 1: half and we were ready to move in together. I

402
00:23:30,210 --> 00:23:33,890
Speaker 1: lived in a two bedroom unit, which was obviously not

403
00:23:34,050 --> 00:23:38,210
Speaker 1: big enough. We decided that I would sell my unit.

404
00:23:38,450 --> 00:23:42,730
Speaker 1: I guess my view was I currently own something, well,

405
00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:45,730
Speaker 1: the bank owns it, but I don't want to go

406
00:23:45,850 --> 00:23:50,290
Speaker 1: back to renting. So we discussed that I would sell

407
00:23:50,690 --> 00:23:53,810
Speaker 1: my unit and that we would choose a house together

408
00:23:54,250 --> 00:23:56,730
Speaker 1: that was suitable for us as a family when the

409
00:23:56,810 --> 00:24:00,170
Speaker 1: kids were there. He had no money to deposit, and

410
00:24:00,250 --> 00:24:03,170
Speaker 1: the background there which had come out more and more

411
00:24:03,210 --> 00:24:05,170
Speaker 1: over the last year and a half, as he said

412
00:24:05,210 --> 00:24:08,810
Speaker 1: his wife cheated, she left him with nothing. What came

413
00:24:08,850 --> 00:24:12,250
Speaker 1: out over that first eighteen months, bit by bit, was

414
00:24:12,330 --> 00:24:16,330
Speaker 1: that she'd not only left him with nothing, but that

415
00:24:17,010 --> 00:24:20,250
Speaker 1: she had a business and he, as her husband, was

416
00:24:20,450 --> 00:24:24,170
Speaker 1: on paper director of the business. He told me that

417
00:24:24,730 --> 00:24:29,850
Speaker 1: she sold the business, pocketed the profit, but the rent

418
00:24:29,970 --> 00:24:33,010
Speaker 1: on the business lease and all of the equipment and

419
00:24:33,050 --> 00:24:35,610
Speaker 1: I guess everything, all the expenses that go with running

420
00:24:35,650 --> 00:24:39,450
Speaker 1: for a business because he was director on paper. He

421
00:24:39,490 --> 00:24:43,010
Speaker 1: said that he'd been getting legal bills and letters and

422
00:24:43,090 --> 00:24:46,410
Speaker 1: threats that he owed over one hundred thousand dollars in

423
00:24:46,490 --> 00:24:51,810
Speaker 1: debt for his ex wife's business, and that's why he

424
00:24:51,850 --> 00:24:55,490
Speaker 1: didn't have any money for a deposit, and I believed him.

425
00:24:55,730 --> 00:24:59,290
Speaker 1: He would constantly show me text messages from his ex

426
00:24:59,330 --> 00:25:03,610
Speaker 1: wife asking for money for very legitimate things. My geno.

427
00:25:03,730 --> 00:25:07,090
Speaker 1: One of the kids has an extra school fees or

428
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:10,210
Speaker 1: a school camp or school excursion, and all these things

429
00:25:10,210 --> 00:25:12,010
Speaker 1: that he would show me, No, I have to give

430
00:25:12,050 --> 00:25:14,890
Speaker 1: my ex wife an extra thousand dollars this month. And

431
00:25:14,930 --> 00:25:18,290
Speaker 1: I would hear them constantly arguing on the phone or

432
00:25:18,330 --> 00:25:21,450
Speaker 1: see him having text arguments with her about the kids

433
00:25:21,490 --> 00:25:26,050
Speaker 1: and access and money. And it was horrible and frankly,

434
00:25:26,090 --> 00:25:32,250
Speaker 1: the way he spoke to her, he was condescending, he swore,

435
00:25:32,330 --> 00:25:34,850
Speaker 1: and was quite obscene in the way he spoke to her.

436
00:25:34,890 --> 00:25:38,690
Speaker 1: He threatened her a lot, and it was quite revolting.

437
00:25:39,290 --> 00:25:43,010
Speaker 1: But again I just thought, well, the way she's treated him,

438
00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:47,810
Speaker 1: I understand it. She's a horrible person, and I actually

439
00:25:47,890 --> 00:25:50,970
Speaker 1: sort of took his side. We agreed that I would

440
00:25:51,010 --> 00:25:53,730
Speaker 1: buy the house on my own. It would be in

441
00:25:53,770 --> 00:25:56,610
Speaker 1: my name, and for that reason, we agreed to do

442
00:25:56,730 --> 00:26:01,530
Speaker 1: a prenup that said the house was mine, and if

443
00:26:01,570 --> 00:26:04,890
Speaker 1: one day we ever broke up, if he had contributed

444
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:07,650
Speaker 1: to the mortgage, he would get that back and a

445
00:26:07,650 --> 00:26:10,730
Speaker 1: percent that the house had gone up, but he was

446
00:26:10,850 --> 00:26:12,930
Speaker 1: never going to be in a position to contribute to

447
00:26:12,970 --> 00:26:16,210
Speaker 1: the mortgage, so I felt pretty secure. So I sold

448
00:26:16,250 --> 00:26:20,930
Speaker 1: my house. The house that I bought Eastern suburbs of Melbourne.

449
00:26:20,970 --> 00:26:25,530
Speaker 1: It's a huge family house, five bedrooms, three bathrooms, two loundrooms,

450
00:26:25,570 --> 00:26:29,410
Speaker 1: like perfect for a family. We made sure there was

451
00:26:29,570 --> 00:26:32,970
Speaker 1: a room for each of the three smaller kids. They

452
00:26:33,050 --> 00:26:36,490
Speaker 1: got to choose the paint color and the decorations, and we,

453
00:26:36,810 --> 00:26:40,090
Speaker 1: being I, bought new things and new furniture for them.

454
00:26:40,650 --> 00:26:43,130
Speaker 1: We bought five bedrooms so that there was also a

455
00:26:43,210 --> 00:26:46,650
Speaker 1: spare room. Now that he was getting closer with the

456
00:26:46,690 --> 00:26:49,730
Speaker 1: eldest daughter, who by this point was probably eighteen, so

457
00:26:49,770 --> 00:26:52,490
Speaker 1: we made sure she had a room. And obviously that

458
00:26:52,530 --> 00:26:54,610
Speaker 1: house costs a lot more than my two bedroom unit.

459
00:26:55,370 --> 00:26:59,930
Speaker 1: I didn't want to have a huge mortgage. I actually

460
00:26:59,970 --> 00:27:04,010
Speaker 1: also had an apartment in inner City Melbourne that I

461
00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:07,050
Speaker 1: had once lived in, and that was sort of my

462
00:27:07,130 --> 00:27:10,290
Speaker 1: financial security that I was going to keep forever. I

463
00:27:10,330 --> 00:27:12,410
Speaker 1: was renting it out and it was partying for itself.

464
00:27:12,450 --> 00:27:15,570
Speaker 1: But to make sure I didn't have a really big mortgage,

465
00:27:15,650 --> 00:27:18,890
Speaker 1: I sold that. So I sold my home. I sold

466
00:27:18,890 --> 00:27:21,770
Speaker 1: my investment property to buy a house with a small mortgage,

467
00:27:21,810 --> 00:27:23,890
Speaker 1: really for him and his family, but I wanted to

468
00:27:24,930 --> 00:27:29,010
Speaker 1: the first six to nine months of living together was bliss.

469
00:27:29,650 --> 00:27:29,850
Speaker 2: You know.

470
00:27:29,890 --> 00:27:32,810
Speaker 1: We built her home together, We refurnished it, We did

471
00:27:32,890 --> 00:27:35,410
Speaker 1: up the kids' rooms. The kids loved coming around. They

472
00:27:35,410 --> 00:27:38,250
Speaker 1: had their own lounge room with the PlayStation, and we

473
00:27:38,330 --> 00:27:41,210
Speaker 1: had bikes there for them. And we lived near a trail,

474
00:27:41,370 --> 00:27:43,690
Speaker 1: so we'd go for weekend bike rides and mini golf

475
00:27:43,730 --> 00:27:46,410
Speaker 1: and all those fun things. Apart from me sort of

476
00:27:46,570 --> 00:27:51,890
Speaker 1: on the sideline, observing his relationship with his ex wife deteriorate,

477
00:27:52,610 --> 00:27:56,930
Speaker 1: he told me that that's because she was jealous. We'd

478
00:27:57,370 --> 00:27:59,890
Speaker 1: bought a huge house that they'd never been able to

479
00:27:59,930 --> 00:28:03,770
Speaker 1: do together. I think she probably thought he was contributing

480
00:28:03,810 --> 00:28:06,410
Speaker 1: money to it, and they're not giving her money. She

481
00:28:06,450 --> 00:28:08,770
Speaker 1: wouldn't have known that I had paid for everything and

482
00:28:08,850 --> 00:28:13,170
Speaker 1: was actually paying for everything. Fighting about money because she

483
00:28:13,330 --> 00:28:17,130
Speaker 1: was always asking him for more money again legitimately, and

484
00:28:17,170 --> 00:28:18,810
Speaker 1: he would say, I can't afford it, and she thought

485
00:28:18,850 --> 00:28:22,210
Speaker 1: it was coming to me. I'd given up my financial security,

486
00:28:22,410 --> 00:28:25,690
Speaker 1: I'd invested in a house like I was in it.

487
00:28:26,330 --> 00:28:27,290
Speaker 1: But it was worth it.

488
00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:31,130
Speaker 2: They were so happy and the relationship was amazing. Alex

489
00:28:31,250 --> 00:28:33,730
Speaker 2: was amazing until he wasn't.

490
00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:36,490
Speaker 1: So we'd been together two or so years at this

491
00:28:36,570 --> 00:28:39,610
Speaker 1: point and had been living together for probably seven or

492
00:28:39,610 --> 00:28:42,370
Speaker 1: eight months, So at this point we were good. Things

493
00:28:42,370 --> 00:28:46,330
Speaker 1: were great. And he was having a weekend away at

494
00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:50,090
Speaker 1: my beach house with his brother and another mate, and

495
00:28:50,130 --> 00:28:53,410
Speaker 1: they said it was a golf weekend, so great, have fun.

496
00:28:53,530 --> 00:28:56,450
Speaker 1: I'll have a girl's weekend. And it was wonderful. So

497
00:28:56,490 --> 00:28:58,930
Speaker 1: he went down on the Friday, and we texted and

498
00:28:58,970 --> 00:29:01,570
Speaker 1: chatted throughout the weekend, said he was playing golf and

499
00:29:01,610 --> 00:29:06,850
Speaker 1: having a great time. On the Sunday afternoon, his car

500
00:29:08,050 --> 00:29:14,210
Speaker 1: screeched into the driveway, screeched in abruptly, and the front

501
00:29:14,250 --> 00:29:18,170
Speaker 1: door sort of burst open, and he staggered into the

502
00:29:18,250 --> 00:29:23,330
Speaker 1: house and he was holding his chest, and honestly, his

503
00:29:23,490 --> 00:29:28,090
Speaker 1: face was like lopsided and he was drooling out of

504
00:29:28,290 --> 00:29:31,210
Speaker 1: one corner of his mouth, and he couldn't speak. He

505
00:29:31,250 --> 00:29:35,170
Speaker 1: basically sort of staggered into the house and collapsed onto

506
00:29:35,210 --> 00:29:37,770
Speaker 1: the lounge, grabbing his chest, and I didn't know what

507
00:29:37,810 --> 00:29:39,850
Speaker 1: to do. I was like, what's going on, what's happened?

508
00:29:39,890 --> 00:29:43,650
Speaker 1: And he sort of managed a couple of words like ambulance, ambulance.

509
00:29:44,090 --> 00:29:46,530
Speaker 1: Heart attack, heart attack, and one side of his body

510
00:29:46,690 --> 00:29:48,530
Speaker 1: was like not moving, and I thought, oh my god,

511
00:29:48,530 --> 00:29:50,490
Speaker 1: he's actually having a stroke. And at this point he

512
00:29:50,530 --> 00:29:54,010
Speaker 1: was probably forty one. So I immediately called an ambulance

513
00:29:54,410 --> 00:29:56,410
Speaker 1: and I said, I think my partner's having a stroke.

514
00:29:57,090 --> 00:29:59,210
Speaker 1: I explained what was happening, and they said, okay, we're

515
00:29:59,250 --> 00:30:02,650
Speaker 1: on our way. Can you tell us has he had

516
00:30:02,690 --> 00:30:07,570
Speaker 1: any illicit substances? I said, I don't know. He just

517
00:30:07,650 --> 00:30:10,010
Speaker 1: came home and like, I don't know, and they said,

518
00:30:10,050 --> 00:30:11,610
Speaker 1: can you find out? I said I can't. He can't

519
00:30:11,650 --> 00:30:15,970
Speaker 1: don't speak. He literally can't speak. He's dribbling. I don't know,

520
00:30:16,490 --> 00:30:19,290
Speaker 1: and I said, hang on, I'll quickly call his brother, Scott.

521
00:30:20,010 --> 00:30:23,450
Speaker 1: I called Scott and I said the ambulance has asked

522
00:30:23,490 --> 00:30:25,770
Speaker 1: if he's had anything. And he went silent for a

523
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:29,770
Speaker 1: moment and I thought, oh my god. And he goes, yeah, okay,

524
00:30:29,810 --> 00:30:32,090
Speaker 1: he has see Okay, well tell me more. I'm on

525
00:30:32,130 --> 00:30:33,970
Speaker 1: the phone to the ambulance on the other line. You

526
00:30:34,010 --> 00:30:35,850
Speaker 1: need to tell me what's going on. He said he

527
00:30:35,890 --> 00:30:39,210
Speaker 1: had some coke. I went, mate, we've all been out

528
00:30:39,210 --> 00:30:41,450
Speaker 1: on big nights. I know what people on coke look like,

529
00:30:42,050 --> 00:30:44,890
Speaker 1: this is not coke and he goes, oh, no, he

530
00:30:44,930 --> 00:30:47,810
Speaker 1: had a lot, and I go okay, but again, mate,

531
00:30:47,890 --> 00:30:51,170
Speaker 1: the ambulance is coming. Tell me how much coke did

532
00:30:51,170 --> 00:30:53,610
Speaker 1: he have? And he goes, look, I don't know how much,

533
00:30:53,650 --> 00:30:55,690
Speaker 1: but more than he's ever had in his life. And

534
00:30:55,730 --> 00:31:01,290
Speaker 1: I went, what, so he does this a lot? Oh? Oh?

535
00:31:01,650 --> 00:31:03,210
Speaker 1: He just didn't answer, and I just went, you know,

536
00:31:03,370 --> 00:31:06,930
Speaker 1: I've got to go. Ambulance is here. So the ambulance

537
00:31:06,970 --> 00:31:09,130
Speaker 1: turned up and I said to them, I don't know

538
00:31:09,210 --> 00:31:12,530
Speaker 1: how much, but I can confirm that apparently he's had

539
00:31:12,650 --> 00:31:15,450
Speaker 1: a lot of cocaine. And they looked at him and

540
00:31:15,490 --> 00:31:18,530
Speaker 1: they said, he's not having a stroke. He's had so

541
00:31:18,690 --> 00:31:22,490
Speaker 1: much cocaine that he's coming down so hard that his

542
00:31:22,570 --> 00:31:25,330
Speaker 1: body can't cope and he needs to go to hospital.

543
00:31:26,250 --> 00:31:29,890
Speaker 2: The anchor was mortified and angry. Alex had told her

544
00:31:29,970 --> 00:31:32,610
Speaker 2: he didn't do drugs ever, yet here he was having

545
00:31:32,650 --> 00:31:35,490
Speaker 2: done so much on an apparent golf weekend he had

546
00:31:35,490 --> 00:31:39,610
Speaker 2: to be hospitalized. It made something inside her shift.

547
00:31:40,170 --> 00:31:43,170
Speaker 1: I just looked at him and thought, you are revolting.

548
00:31:43,690 --> 00:31:48,130
Speaker 1: He still couldn't speak. He was in hospital overnight. I

549
00:31:48,250 --> 00:31:50,770
Speaker 1: stayed with him and had to hold a wei bottle

550
00:31:50,810 --> 00:31:54,570
Speaker 1: for him because it couldn't even function. And at that point,

551
00:31:54,650 --> 00:31:57,050
Speaker 1: I just thought, you are a mess. I just got

552
00:31:57,090 --> 00:31:59,970
Speaker 1: the ick in that moment. And look, I'm not adverse

553
00:32:00,090 --> 00:32:02,410
Speaker 1: to people going out and partying and doing what they

554
00:32:02,410 --> 00:32:05,570
Speaker 1: want to do, but someone who would take that much

555
00:32:05,690 --> 00:32:08,650
Speaker 1: that they would put themselves in hospital crossed a line

556
00:32:08,690 --> 00:32:13,090
Speaker 1: that I'd never wanted to see anyone cross. He took

557
00:32:13,570 --> 00:32:17,690
Speaker 1: an entire week off work to basically come down and recover,

558
00:32:18,570 --> 00:32:22,650
Speaker 1: and he told work, friends, family, everyone, and got me

559
00:32:22,730 --> 00:32:25,610
Speaker 1: to say the same that he was stressed at work

560
00:32:25,730 --> 00:32:29,290
Speaker 1: and that he'd had a panic attack. I'd seen him drunk,

561
00:32:29,370 --> 00:32:33,090
Speaker 1: and he'd certainly had big nights out drinking, but I'd

562
00:32:33,130 --> 00:32:36,210
Speaker 1: never seen anything like this, so I didn't think this

563
00:32:36,290 --> 00:32:40,410
Speaker 1: has been a problem. That moment, I went, this is revolting.

564
00:32:41,210 --> 00:32:44,810
Speaker 1: You are not, as of right now, the person I

565
00:32:44,890 --> 00:32:50,410
Speaker 1: want to be with. But I was stuck. I had

566
00:32:50,450 --> 00:32:54,930
Speaker 1: invested my house, I'd given up so much, probably without

567
00:32:54,970 --> 00:32:58,370
Speaker 1: realizing that I think happens to all of us when

568
00:32:58,410 --> 00:33:00,650
Speaker 1: we fall in love. You know, I probably had pulled

569
00:33:00,650 --> 00:33:03,050
Speaker 1: away from some of my friends a little bit. I

570
00:33:03,090 --> 00:33:05,690
Speaker 1: still saw them a lot, but not as much as

571
00:33:05,690 --> 00:33:09,450
Speaker 1: I had been, and I felt trapped. I just and

572
00:33:09,490 --> 00:33:14,050
Speaker 1: I thought, I can fix you. I can make this work.

573
00:33:14,850 --> 00:33:18,490
Speaker 1: This was a one off. It's not going to happen again.

574
00:33:19,010 --> 00:33:22,370
Speaker 1: I've just got to work with him on making sure

575
00:33:22,370 --> 00:33:23,370
Speaker 1: it doesn't happen again.

576
00:33:23,930 --> 00:33:25,930
Speaker 2: But it didn't get any better from there.

577
00:33:28,730 --> 00:33:32,970
Speaker 1: From that point, he started increasingly going out, and again

578
00:33:33,010 --> 00:33:35,770
Speaker 1: I was never invited, but actually I didn't want to

579
00:33:35,810 --> 00:33:40,490
Speaker 1: go because his brother was a bad influence. He agreed

580
00:33:40,530 --> 00:33:42,530
Speaker 1: with me that his brother was a bad influence. Like

581
00:33:42,650 --> 00:33:44,730
Speaker 1: if they were going to go out and hopefully the

582
00:33:44,810 --> 00:33:48,450
Speaker 1: drug incident was a one off, but the amount they drank.

583
00:33:48,850 --> 00:33:52,210
Speaker 1: I love a drink or three, like everyone, but they

584
00:33:52,290 --> 00:33:57,730
Speaker 1: would obliterate themselves till four am quite regularly and drive home.

585
00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:00,090
Speaker 1: I mean, this is someone who I thought was a

586
00:34:00,130 --> 00:34:04,730
Speaker 1: wonderful father, and I just thought, you're just gross, disgusting.

587
00:34:05,810 --> 00:34:08,130
Speaker 1: It kept happening. At least once a week he would

588
00:34:08,170 --> 00:34:10,010
Speaker 1: go out, and I don't even mean on a Saturday

589
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:13,610
Speaker 1: night like sometimes Midek. He'd go out until four am.

590
00:34:13,650 --> 00:34:16,810
Speaker 1: I really don't know how he was even getting up

591
00:34:16,810 --> 00:34:18,690
Speaker 1: and functioning, because he was getting up and going to

592
00:34:18,730 --> 00:34:22,890
Speaker 1: work after coming home at four am, and the next day.

593
00:34:24,250 --> 00:34:26,490
Speaker 1: It was very up and down. Sometimes he would be

594
00:34:26,970 --> 00:34:30,570
Speaker 1: in an awful mood. He would not speak to me

595
00:34:30,770 --> 00:34:35,570
Speaker 1: for days on end and say, my anxiety is playing up,

596
00:34:36,210 --> 00:34:37,770
Speaker 1: and I just think, I mean, you just hung over.

597
00:34:38,010 --> 00:34:39,410
Speaker 1: But whatever, I'll stay out of you.

598
00:34:39,490 --> 00:34:39,730
Speaker 2: Ah.

599
00:34:40,210 --> 00:34:45,050
Speaker 1: Sometimes he'd be angry. He'd be really verbally and emotionally

600
00:34:45,090 --> 00:34:48,010
Speaker 1: abusive to me. He'd gasp at me and say, well,

601
00:34:48,010 --> 00:34:51,210
Speaker 1: I went out drinking because if I come home and

602
00:34:51,250 --> 00:34:53,370
Speaker 1: talk to you about a bad day at work, you

603
00:34:53,410 --> 00:34:56,050
Speaker 1: don't listen, you don't empathize, you don't want to hear it.

604
00:34:56,090 --> 00:34:58,330
Speaker 1: So you forced me to go out drinking. I thought,

605
00:34:58,890 --> 00:35:01,850
Speaker 1: maybe he's having coke to stay awake, you know, that's

606
00:35:01,890 --> 00:35:03,690
Speaker 1: I don't know how else you'd stay awake till four

607
00:35:03,690 --> 00:35:06,890
Speaker 1: am and then function the next day. But then I thought, no,

608
00:35:07,090 --> 00:35:11,090
Speaker 1: that's impossible. He has no money. Coke is really expensive.

609
00:35:11,130 --> 00:35:14,770
Speaker 1: There's no way he's doing that. I actually knew a

610
00:35:14,810 --> 00:35:17,050
Speaker 1: lot of the time that he was drinking at our

611
00:35:17,170 --> 00:35:20,570
Speaker 1: local pub. And I don't want to sound like a stalker,

612
00:35:20,570 --> 00:35:23,290
Speaker 1: because I'm not. But sometimes i'd be worried because he'd

613
00:35:23,330 --> 00:35:26,250
Speaker 1: text me at six pm I'm just having a quick

614
00:35:26,330 --> 00:35:29,370
Speaker 1: drink after work, I'll be home by eight. I'd text

615
00:35:29,450 --> 00:35:31,090
Speaker 1: him at eight, Hey are you on the way home?

616
00:35:31,170 --> 00:35:35,290
Speaker 1: Dinner's ready. He wouldn't reply by ten or eleven. I'd

617
00:35:35,330 --> 00:35:38,250
Speaker 1: be really worried, and I'd literally just drive up to

618
00:35:38,290 --> 00:35:41,330
Speaker 1: the local pub and there's his car in the car park. Now,

619
00:35:41,410 --> 00:35:44,650
Speaker 1: this is just a local suburban pub. That's not the

620
00:35:44,690 --> 00:35:47,090
Speaker 1: kind of place you'd be doing coke. I was very

621
00:35:47,090 --> 00:35:50,330
Speaker 1: confident he wasn't doing that, and that he was just

622
00:35:50,570 --> 00:35:56,250
Speaker 1: had a real problem with alcohol. Whilst sometimes he'd have

623
00:35:56,290 --> 00:36:00,050
Speaker 1: a big night and be horrible to me, sometimes he

624
00:36:00,090 --> 00:36:02,890
Speaker 1: would get up first thing in the morning, two chores

625
00:36:02,930 --> 00:36:06,010
Speaker 1: around the house, walk the dogs. He'd go out and

626
00:36:06,010 --> 00:36:08,570
Speaker 1: buy me flowers and come back with a beautiful card

627
00:36:08,650 --> 00:36:11,010
Speaker 1: and say, I'm so sorry. I don't know what came

628
00:36:11,050 --> 00:36:13,610
Speaker 1: over me. I had a bad day at work. I

629
00:36:13,650 --> 00:36:15,810
Speaker 1: should have come home and spoken to you, or the

630
00:36:15,810 --> 00:36:18,290
Speaker 1: love of my life. I won't do it again. And

631
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:21,730
Speaker 1: then we'd have a wonderful period of time. There was

632
00:36:21,770 --> 00:36:23,770
Speaker 1: good with the bad. So I guess I was just

633
00:36:23,810 --> 00:36:26,450
Speaker 1: putting up with the bad and thinking does the good

634
00:36:26,450 --> 00:36:28,410
Speaker 1: makeup for it? I don't know, maybe it was sort

635
00:36:28,410 --> 00:36:31,810
Speaker 1: of a balance. I certainly wasn't happy, but I wasn't

636
00:36:32,370 --> 00:36:37,170
Speaker 1: miserable enough to sell the house and completely go through

637
00:36:37,170 --> 00:36:39,890
Speaker 1: a whole life upheaval again, because there were still good

638
00:36:39,930 --> 00:36:41,330
Speaker 1: times in there.

639
00:36:41,690 --> 00:36:45,370
Speaker 2: But then something odd happened. Alex's eleven year old daughter,

640
00:36:45,570 --> 00:36:48,450
Speaker 2: his eldest child with his ex wife, stopped visiting.

641
00:36:49,210 --> 00:36:55,370
Speaker 1: He told me that his ex wife has turned the

642
00:36:55,450 --> 00:37:00,090
Speaker 1: eldest against us. She hates me, she hates you, she

643
00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:03,530
Speaker 1: thinks you're the wicked witch step mother. She never wants

644
00:37:03,570 --> 00:37:06,250
Speaker 1: to come to our house again, and that was basically it.

645
00:37:06,410 --> 00:37:10,850
Speaker 1: Never saw her again. I didn't understand it because I

646
00:37:10,850 --> 00:37:13,690
Speaker 1: had tried the best I could be to be wonderful

647
00:37:13,730 --> 00:37:15,730
Speaker 1: to all three of the children and the eldest one

648
00:37:15,970 --> 00:37:18,930
Speaker 1: for years now, and I didn't understand it, but I

649
00:37:18,970 --> 00:37:22,170
Speaker 1: guess I believed him in that he said his ex

650
00:37:22,250 --> 00:37:25,410
Speaker 1: wife that she hated me, she hated the kids having

651
00:37:25,450 --> 00:37:28,530
Speaker 1: a relationship with me, and the eldest was old enough

652
00:37:28,570 --> 00:37:32,050
Speaker 1: to be influenced by her. So he blamed his ex wife,

653
00:37:32,290 --> 00:37:34,850
Speaker 1: me and the ex wife. So I guess I just

654
00:37:34,890 --> 00:37:37,330
Speaker 1: accepted that, and I thought, Okay, maybe she does hate me,

655
00:37:37,410 --> 00:37:40,050
Speaker 1: but it's probably not anything I've done. I'm not a

656
00:37:40,050 --> 00:37:45,090
Speaker 1: bad person. Never saw her again. We continued to have

657
00:37:45,170 --> 00:37:48,450
Speaker 1: weekends away just the two of us and still kept

658
00:37:48,490 --> 00:37:53,490
Speaker 1: seeing the other two children. He borrowed money a lot,

659
00:37:53,850 --> 00:37:57,810
Speaker 1: and it increased. Before we lived together, never borrowed money,

660
00:37:58,210 --> 00:38:01,250
Speaker 1: but once we started living together, and he was constantly

661
00:38:01,290 --> 00:38:03,210
Speaker 1: showing me all these texts from his ex. You know,

662
00:38:03,210 --> 00:38:05,090
Speaker 1: I need to pay five hundred bucks for this and that.

663
00:38:05,530 --> 00:38:09,730
Speaker 1: He constantly asked that, not insignificant, but not large amounts

664
00:38:09,730 --> 00:38:13,050
Speaker 1: of money. Oh, I've had to give my ex five

665
00:38:13,130 --> 00:38:16,090
Speaker 1: hundred bucks for whatever? Can I borrow three hundred bucks

666
00:38:16,170 --> 00:38:16,810
Speaker 1: until payday?

667
00:38:17,090 --> 00:38:17,130
Speaker 2: Like?

668
00:38:17,250 --> 00:38:19,730
Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever's three hundred bucks, Okay, fine. It would never

669
00:38:19,770 --> 00:38:23,290
Speaker 1: get paid back. We called it borrow, but it wasn't.

670
00:38:23,570 --> 00:38:25,650
Speaker 1: And it actually got to the point where I think

671
00:38:25,770 --> 00:38:27,770
Speaker 1: each month I would have loaned him somewhere between five

672
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:31,610
Speaker 1: hundred and one thousand dollars. In early twenty twenty, he

673
00:38:31,730 --> 00:38:35,970
Speaker 1: had a great aunt that passed away who didn't have children,

674
00:38:36,810 --> 00:38:40,370
Speaker 1: and he and his four siblings were all expecting an

675
00:38:40,410 --> 00:38:45,490
Speaker 1: inheritance of about eighty thousand dollars. And he said, because

676
00:38:45,490 --> 00:38:48,130
Speaker 1: we know it's going to come in, I've still got

677
00:38:48,130 --> 00:38:52,930
Speaker 1: all these debts from my ex wife's business. He told

678
00:38:52,970 --> 00:38:57,130
Speaker 1: me that he also got a thirty thousand dollar bill

679
00:38:57,650 --> 00:39:02,050
Speaker 1: from a private school that she had enrolled the kids in,

680
00:39:02,090 --> 00:39:03,690
Speaker 1: and I knew they went to this school, of course,

681
00:39:03,730 --> 00:39:06,410
Speaker 1: I'd picked them up from there. And he said that

682
00:39:07,370 --> 00:39:09,530
Speaker 1: he'd never agreed for them to go to the private

683
00:39:09,570 --> 00:39:12,450
Speaker 1: school and pay their fees. That was her choice, but

684
00:39:12,530 --> 00:39:15,170
Speaker 1: that she had forged his signature on the school enrollment

685
00:39:15,530 --> 00:39:17,970
Speaker 1: and now the school was chasing him for thirty thousand

686
00:39:18,050 --> 00:39:20,370
Speaker 1: dollars as well as all the other debts he was

687
00:39:20,410 --> 00:39:23,010
Speaker 1: still paying off. And he asked me, you know, I

688
00:39:23,050 --> 00:39:26,930
Speaker 1: know you've got some secret savings, which I didn't, but

689
00:39:28,130 --> 00:39:30,490
Speaker 1: he was confident I had some secret savings that I

690
00:39:30,530 --> 00:39:33,050
Speaker 1: was hiding from him, which I don't know how that's

691
00:39:33,090 --> 00:39:36,050
Speaker 1: possible when I sold everything to buy this house, and

692
00:39:36,130 --> 00:39:39,170
Speaker 1: could he borrow eighty thousand dollars knowing that he'd pay

693
00:39:39,170 --> 00:39:41,970
Speaker 1: me back when the inheritance came in. I said, no,

694
00:39:42,250 --> 00:39:45,370
Speaker 1: you can't. I don't have it, and also if I did,

695
00:39:45,450 --> 00:39:47,850
Speaker 1: I would pay it off the mortgage. I don't have

696
00:39:47,930 --> 00:39:51,490
Speaker 1: money to loan you. So we had a huge fight

697
00:39:51,530 --> 00:39:54,290
Speaker 1: out over that. It was probably the biggest fight we'd

698
00:39:54,330 --> 00:39:56,650
Speaker 1: had because he thought I had this money and I

699
00:39:56,690 --> 00:39:59,890
Speaker 1: was holding out. But you know, eventually, after probably not

700
00:39:59,930 --> 00:40:03,330
Speaker 1: speaking to me for a week or so, he calmed down.

701
00:40:03,570 --> 00:40:06,450
Speaker 1: He apologized. He said, you know, I should never have asked,

702
00:40:06,530 --> 00:40:08,890
Speaker 1: and you've done a lot for me already. I just

703
00:40:08,930 --> 00:40:11,250
Speaker 1: shouldn't have asked, and I'm so sorry, and I love

704
00:40:11,290 --> 00:40:15,050
Speaker 1: you all the rest of it and etc. Towards the

705
00:40:15,130 --> 00:40:18,450
Speaker 1: end of that year, the inheritance actually came in and

706
00:40:18,650 --> 00:40:22,250
Speaker 1: he got a bit over eighty thousand dollars. I mean,

707
00:40:22,290 --> 00:40:24,850
Speaker 1: I was so happy for him. He didn't use it

708
00:40:24,890 --> 00:40:28,450
Speaker 1: to repay me anything I had loaned him. I should

709
00:40:28,490 --> 00:40:32,050
Speaker 1: say he did put some money into my savings account

710
00:40:32,050 --> 00:40:35,970
Speaker 1: every month to contribute to bills, groceries, etc. But I

711
00:40:36,010 --> 00:40:38,970
Speaker 1: mean it wasn't even half of anything. It probably covered

712
00:40:39,050 --> 00:40:43,330
Speaker 1: the groceries and maybe health insurance like that's it. So

713
00:40:43,370 --> 00:40:45,410
Speaker 1: he didn't pay me back for anything. He told me

714
00:40:45,490 --> 00:40:49,730
Speaker 1: he paid off the school fees and some of the debt,

715
00:40:49,770 --> 00:40:51,850
Speaker 1: but that he was still in debt. It still didn't

716
00:40:51,930 --> 00:40:56,170
Speaker 1: touch the edges, and I believed him. You know, the

717
00:40:56,170 --> 00:40:58,490
Speaker 1: good times and the bad times continued, but the bad

718
00:40:58,530 --> 00:41:03,250
Speaker 1: times started increasing. He just did nothing. He really did nothing,

719
00:41:03,530 --> 00:41:06,610
Speaker 1: really didn't contribute much, but every now and then still

720
00:41:06,650 --> 00:41:10,290
Speaker 1: had moments of kindness and love. At this point, the

721
00:41:10,330 --> 00:41:14,690
Speaker 1: good probably wasn't outweighing the bad, but I was mid

722
00:41:14,810 --> 00:41:18,090
Speaker 1: forties stuck. I thought, I don't want to be alone,

723
00:41:18,090 --> 00:41:19,690
Speaker 1: and I just don't want to give up. And I

724
00:41:19,770 --> 00:41:23,770
Speaker 1: still think I can fix him. I just need him

725
00:41:23,810 --> 00:41:28,330
Speaker 1: to get help for his alcohol problem. He said he'd

726
00:41:28,330 --> 00:41:31,170
Speaker 1: try and rein it in, and I think there are

727
00:41:31,250 --> 00:41:35,290
Speaker 1: periods where he did try. He actually just couldn't do it.

728
00:41:35,890 --> 00:41:38,810
Speaker 1: He genuinely was addicted to just going out and drinking,

729
00:41:38,810 --> 00:41:42,330
Speaker 1: and he couldn't do it. One Sunday night, he came

730
00:41:42,490 --> 00:41:47,250
Speaker 1: home again, probably four am, and in the morning he

731
00:41:47,730 --> 00:41:50,090
Speaker 1: didn't get out of bed. He had to go to work,

732
00:41:50,210 --> 00:41:54,970
Speaker 1: And at about nine AM. I woke him up and said, hey, babe,

733
00:41:54,970 --> 00:41:57,730
Speaker 1: it's nine am. I think you should be at work.

734
00:41:57,770 --> 00:42:00,250
Speaker 1: Are you going to work? Do you want me to

735
00:42:00,290 --> 00:42:03,370
Speaker 1: call them? Are you sick? And he said, NA, can't

736
00:42:03,370 --> 00:42:06,530
Speaker 1: get out of bed, not going to work. I'll text

737
00:42:06,570 --> 00:42:11,090
Speaker 1: my boss. I said, okay. Well, he didn't get out

738
00:42:11,130 --> 00:42:17,490
Speaker 1: of bed for six seven weeks. He told me, he

739
00:42:17,610 --> 00:42:21,970
Speaker 1: told everyone work, etc. That he was having a serious

740
00:42:22,010 --> 00:42:25,850
Speaker 1: bout of anxiety. He thought he was clinically depressed and

741
00:42:26,690 --> 00:42:29,170
Speaker 1: he just couldn't get out of bed. I didn't speak

742
00:42:29,170 --> 00:42:30,650
Speaker 1: to his work, but he told me his work was

743
00:42:30,650 --> 00:42:33,570
Speaker 1: supportive and they said, well, okay, that's fine, go and

744
00:42:33,610 --> 00:42:36,410
Speaker 1: get some help. And I was so pleased with that

745
00:42:36,570 --> 00:42:39,890
Speaker 1: because I'd been asking him to see someone about his

746
00:42:40,010 --> 00:42:44,010
Speaker 1: drinking problem and he did agree, and he went and

747
00:42:44,250 --> 00:42:50,250
Speaker 1: saw a counselor a handful of times, and it didn't

748
00:42:50,490 --> 00:42:53,650
Speaker 1: really improve things. It got him back to work, but

749
00:42:53,770 --> 00:42:57,610
Speaker 1: it didn't improve things. He's drinking and going out continued,

750
00:42:58,530 --> 00:43:02,250
Speaker 1: and after a handful of sessions, he came home really

751
00:43:02,290 --> 00:43:05,770
Speaker 1: angry and said, I'm never going back to that counselor.

752
00:43:05,930 --> 00:43:08,610
Speaker 1: You know, she's an idiot. She doesn't know what she's

753
00:43:08,650 --> 00:43:13,010
Speaker 1: talking about. She said, I'm an alcoholic. I don't believe her.

754
00:43:13,210 --> 00:43:15,970
Speaker 1: She's wrong, she doesn't know what she's talking about. I'm

755
00:43:15,970 --> 00:43:19,810
Speaker 1: never going back. Said, well, you know I'm here to

756
00:43:19,810 --> 00:43:23,850
Speaker 1: support you. I've stuck it out for this long. I

757
00:43:23,890 --> 00:43:26,730
Speaker 1: can help you if you want to get help, because Alex,

758
00:43:26,770 --> 00:43:30,850
Speaker 1: she's right, like, you're an alcoholic, and let's work on

759
00:43:30,930 --> 00:43:35,810
Speaker 1: this together. Now. I'm not I'm never going back. My

760
00:43:35,890 --> 00:43:40,010
Speaker 1: life's fine. I don't have a problem, and that was it.

761
00:43:41,410 --> 00:43:45,170
Speaker 2: The heavy drinking continued, the night's out continued. Now he

762
00:43:45,250 --> 00:43:47,730
Speaker 2: was even choosing to stay at his brother's new apartment

763
00:43:47,770 --> 00:43:50,370
Speaker 2: in the city because Bianker put her foot down and said,

764
00:43:50,410 --> 00:43:52,730
Speaker 2: don't come home at all if it's that late. So

765
00:43:52,850 --> 00:43:57,810
Speaker 2: he didn't, and if things could get any worse, they did.

766
00:43:58,250 --> 00:44:04,610
Speaker 1: Late twenty twenty two, I got made redundant. It'll take

767
00:44:04,650 --> 00:44:07,210
Speaker 1: me a couple of months to land the right job.

768
00:44:07,450 --> 00:44:10,330
Speaker 1: I'm actually happy to take six months off and wait

769
00:44:10,370 --> 00:44:13,610
Speaker 1: for the right job. But I've got no income for

770
00:44:13,650 --> 00:44:17,250
Speaker 1: the next six months. You need to step up, a

771
00:44:17,570 --> 00:44:20,210
Speaker 1: you need to start contributing to bills, because you're not

772
00:44:20,250 --> 00:44:23,530
Speaker 1: even paying half. I can keep paying the mortgage with

773
00:44:23,690 --> 00:44:26,250
Speaker 1: savings enough to pay six months are worth the mortgage,

774
00:44:26,250 --> 00:44:28,810
Speaker 1: But like then I have to get a job. But like,

775
00:44:28,850 --> 00:44:30,810
Speaker 1: you've got to step up, and you need to stop

776
00:44:30,850 --> 00:44:34,010
Speaker 1: spending money going out on alcohol, and like I need

777
00:44:34,050 --> 00:44:37,850
Speaker 1: you to pay for the groceries, and he didn't. In fact,

778
00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:41,610
Speaker 1: I kept paying for everything and dwindled my savings down

779
00:44:41,690 --> 00:44:46,130
Speaker 1: to practically nothing. He actually that year even had to

780
00:44:46,170 --> 00:44:51,010
Speaker 1: have an operation for something, and he said, oh, it's

781
00:44:51,050 --> 00:44:53,610
Speaker 1: not covered by medicare. I'm like, hey, we've got private

782
00:44:53,650 --> 00:44:56,010
Speaker 1: health because I pay for it. I know we do

783
00:44:56,530 --> 00:44:59,570
Speaker 1: now I've checked. It's not covered. So even though I

784
00:44:59,610 --> 00:45:02,330
Speaker 1: had no job, I paid three thousand dollars for an

785
00:45:02,370 --> 00:45:05,930
Speaker 1: operation because you needed it. Still, there was just more

786
00:45:06,690 --> 00:45:09,810
Speaker 1: money loaning me, paying for everything, just dipping into my

787
00:45:09,890 --> 00:45:13,050
Speaker 1: savings because he just kept say I'm paying my ex

788
00:45:13,090 --> 00:45:18,050
Speaker 1: wife all this money constantly, and there was valid reasons,

789
00:45:18,050 --> 00:45:21,450
Speaker 1: and I wasn't happy about it, but I didn't want

790
00:45:21,490 --> 00:45:24,050
Speaker 1: the kids to miss out on him giving the money.

791
00:45:24,690 --> 00:45:26,890
Speaker 1: So I thought, well, if I don't pay for things,

792
00:45:27,810 --> 00:45:29,730
Speaker 1: he's not going to pay for things for the kids.

793
00:45:29,730 --> 00:45:32,010
Speaker 1: And I didn't want them to be stuck in the

794
00:45:32,050 --> 00:45:35,610
Speaker 1: middle and get hurt. So I just kept paying for everything.

795
00:45:36,450 --> 00:45:39,330
Speaker 1: About the same time as all this, I got up

796
00:45:39,370 --> 00:45:42,450
Speaker 1: one day and walked to the dogs. His jacket was nearby.

797
00:45:42,490 --> 00:45:44,930
Speaker 1: I threw his jacket on, and I found a tab

798
00:45:45,130 --> 00:45:49,090
Speaker 1: ticket in his jacket. I'd never found one before. There'd

799
00:45:49,090 --> 00:45:50,970
Speaker 1: never been any signs of gambling, So I mean, whatever,

800
00:45:51,050 --> 00:45:54,930
Speaker 1: one tab ticket for fifty bucks whatever. But you know,

801
00:45:55,010 --> 00:45:57,530
Speaker 1: at the same time, I'd asked him to stop spending money.

802
00:45:57,690 --> 00:46:00,410
Speaker 1: I didn't have a job. When I got home, I

803
00:46:00,410 --> 00:46:03,330
Speaker 1: said Hey, what's this tab ticket? Like, I know it's

804
00:46:03,370 --> 00:46:07,170
Speaker 1: only fifty bucks, but are you gambling? And he went

805
00:46:08,410 --> 00:46:12,530
Speaker 1: crazy at me, how dare you? It's one ticket, it's

806
00:46:12,570 --> 00:46:16,650
Speaker 1: fifty bucks. I would never gamble. I can't believe you'd

807
00:46:16,690 --> 00:46:19,410
Speaker 1: accuse I'm like, I'm just asking I found a ticket.

808
00:46:20,130 --> 00:46:23,090
Speaker 1: He accused me of several affairs and this and that,

809
00:46:23,130 --> 00:46:27,090
Speaker 1: and just deflected the gambling question and just absolutely made

810
00:46:27,090 --> 00:46:31,490
Speaker 1: me the villain. I just thought, I cannot do this anymore.

811
00:46:31,810 --> 00:46:34,250
Speaker 1: But I thought, let's give it one honestly, one more

812
00:46:34,290 --> 00:46:36,690
Speaker 1: red hot crack. And I said to him, Okay, we

813
00:46:36,730 --> 00:46:39,450
Speaker 1: know we're not in a good place. Your going out

814
00:46:39,570 --> 00:46:43,010
Speaker 1: is out of control. You've been told you're an alcoholic.

815
00:46:43,930 --> 00:46:46,650
Speaker 1: I need you to do something about it, or I

816
00:46:46,690 --> 00:46:48,250
Speaker 1: can't put up with anymore. You're going to have to

817
00:46:48,290 --> 00:46:50,770
Speaker 1: move out. I said, let's go on a really nice

818
00:46:50,810 --> 00:46:54,290
Speaker 1: holiday together. We will use the absolute last of my

819
00:46:54,450 --> 00:46:58,730
Speaker 1: savings to go on a holiday, and then when we

820
00:46:58,770 --> 00:47:00,410
Speaker 1: get back, I'll find a good job and we'll be

821
00:47:00,410 --> 00:47:04,450
Speaker 1: good again. So reset, I spent my last like twenty

822
00:47:04,450 --> 00:47:08,450
Speaker 1: thousand dollars for us to go and do three weeks

823
00:47:08,570 --> 00:47:11,410
Speaker 1: in Cambodia. In Vietnam, and it was lovely and we

824
00:47:11,730 --> 00:47:15,250
Speaker 1: had a wonderful time. We really did reset. We had

825
00:47:15,250 --> 00:47:19,490
Speaker 1: a packed that part of resetting is maybe overshare, but

826
00:47:19,530 --> 00:47:21,410
Speaker 1: we were like, right, we have to have sex every

827
00:47:21,450 --> 00:47:24,250
Speaker 1: single day at least once, because we never had a

828
00:47:24,290 --> 00:47:28,370
Speaker 1: problem there. We did. We reseted, we bonded, we had

829
00:47:28,370 --> 00:47:34,250
Speaker 1: a beautiful time, came back and honestly, within two days

830
00:47:34,290 --> 00:47:38,770
Speaker 1: of returning, it's just like he switched. The going out

831
00:47:38,970 --> 00:47:41,850
Speaker 1: just started immediately within two days of coming home, and

832
00:47:41,890 --> 00:47:44,250
Speaker 1: it again was four or five nights a week.

833
00:47:45,290 --> 00:47:48,690
Speaker 2: Alex said he just couldn't stop. So with Bianca trying

834
00:47:48,730 --> 00:47:51,570
Speaker 2: to be supportive and understand, she got him to agree

835
00:47:51,570 --> 00:47:53,570
Speaker 2: for them both to see counselor together.

836
00:47:54,570 --> 00:47:57,170
Speaker 1: I think three sessions at a counselor, and he sat

837
00:47:57,210 --> 00:47:59,970
Speaker 1: there and professed his love and that he wanted to

838
00:47:59,970 --> 00:48:01,930
Speaker 1: make it work and I was the best thing that

839
00:48:02,010 --> 00:48:05,890
Speaker 1: had ever happened to him, and I was loving and supportive.

840
00:48:05,970 --> 00:48:09,370
Speaker 1: But he did have anxiety problems again, even in front

841
00:48:09,410 --> 00:48:13,330
Speaker 1: of the councilor. Blamed me for exacerbating them because I

842
00:48:13,370 --> 00:48:17,010
Speaker 1: didn't show enough empathy and I didn't listen to him.

843
00:48:17,050 --> 00:48:20,090
Speaker 1: And the counselor kind of quashed that, which he didn't like.

844
00:48:20,170 --> 00:48:22,890
Speaker 1: He didn't like what he was hearing from this councilor either.

845
00:48:23,970 --> 00:48:27,090
Speaker 1: Whilst there were some things he said that were frowned upon,

846
00:48:27,250 --> 00:48:29,570
Speaker 1: I think for the most part he said the right things.

847
00:48:29,610 --> 00:48:31,530
Speaker 1: You know, I want to make it work. And we

848
00:48:31,610 --> 00:48:34,170
Speaker 1: will go home and do the exercises you've given us

849
00:48:34,210 --> 00:48:37,130
Speaker 1: and talk about things we've never spoken about in detail,

850
00:48:37,210 --> 00:48:40,090
Speaker 1: and talk about horrible things that may have happened in

851
00:48:40,130 --> 00:48:42,970
Speaker 1: our lives or childhood, or wonderful things. And we did

852
00:48:43,010 --> 00:48:47,570
Speaker 1: all that, and we do it. But then on the

853
00:48:47,690 --> 00:48:51,570
Speaker 1: days we weren't focusing on it, the partying continued. We

854
00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:56,330
Speaker 1: had our six year anniversary and he surprised me with

855
00:48:56,610 --> 00:48:58,850
Speaker 1: a night in a hotel in the city and we

856
00:48:58,890 --> 00:49:02,090
Speaker 1: went to a five star restaurant. Of course, when the

857
00:49:02,330 --> 00:49:05,010
Speaker 1: time to pay for the bill, he waited for me

858
00:49:05,050 --> 00:49:07,890
Speaker 1: to get my credit card out, even though it was

859
00:49:08,050 --> 00:49:10,490
Speaker 1: his surprise. But you know, dinner was about five hundred

860
00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:14,130
Speaker 1: dollars on my credit card with no job. But anyway,

861
00:49:15,090 --> 00:49:20,010
Speaker 1: but then after dinner, we couldn't find a bar, you know,

862
00:49:20,050 --> 00:49:21,850
Speaker 1: we wanted to go for a drink, and honestly it

863
00:49:21,890 --> 00:49:24,090
Speaker 1: was cold. Anyway, we ended up just going back to

864
00:49:24,130 --> 00:49:26,410
Speaker 1: the hotel and he was really angry because we hadn't

865
00:49:26,410 --> 00:49:28,090
Speaker 1: been able to find a place to go out drinking

866
00:49:28,170 --> 00:49:31,930
Speaker 1: and anniversary night, he literally just turned his back on

867
00:49:31,970 --> 00:49:35,730
Speaker 1: me and went to sleep again. Ups and downs. Next

868
00:49:35,730 --> 00:49:40,810
Speaker 1: few months, the partying just continued, continued, continued. In May

869
00:49:41,210 --> 00:49:45,930
Speaker 1: twenty twenty three, he went out one night, texted me

870
00:49:46,010 --> 00:49:49,850
Speaker 1: at four am, I'm still out. I'm like, yeah, no kidding,

871
00:49:50,850 --> 00:49:53,970
Speaker 1: Please state your brothers. I don't want you to come home.

872
00:49:54,610 --> 00:49:58,250
Speaker 1: He came home about lunchtime the next day. I said, hey, look,

873
00:49:58,370 --> 00:50:02,130
Speaker 1: we need to talk and he went, yep, I'm moving out.

874
00:50:03,570 --> 00:50:06,970
Speaker 1: I went, okay, no, we need to talk about that.

875
00:50:07,250 --> 00:50:10,130
Speaker 1: Yes because no, no, no decisions made. I'm moving out, no

876
00:50:10,170 --> 00:50:15,210
Speaker 1: discussion required. And I'm like, hang on, We've just professed

877
00:50:15,250 --> 00:50:17,770
Speaker 1: our love in front of the counselor. We said we

878
00:50:17,850 --> 00:50:21,450
Speaker 1: want to make it work. We've had a holiday this year.

879
00:50:21,690 --> 00:50:24,010
Speaker 1: We had a wonderful type No we didn't, he says, no,

880
00:50:24,090 --> 00:50:26,490
Speaker 1: we didn't. That was the shittest holiday of my life.

881
00:50:26,730 --> 00:50:30,450
Speaker 1: I hated every moment of it, Like what really? You

882
00:50:30,570 --> 00:50:34,570
Speaker 1: posted photos of us and professed your undying love for

883
00:50:34,690 --> 00:50:37,810
Speaker 1: me every single day of our holiday on social for

884
00:50:37,850 --> 00:50:40,530
Speaker 1: the world to see as you've done for the past

885
00:50:40,530 --> 00:50:43,970
Speaker 1: six and a half years. Every weekend we've gone away,

886
00:50:44,210 --> 00:50:47,810
Speaker 1: every holiday we've had. You've been our social media editor.

887
00:50:48,490 --> 00:50:51,170
Speaker 1: You're the one that's presented to the world how I'm

888
00:50:51,170 --> 00:50:54,410
Speaker 1: the love of your life. And now you've just said

889
00:50:54,410 --> 00:50:57,610
Speaker 1: you're moving out with no discussion. And he's like, yep,

890
00:50:58,650 --> 00:51:00,890
Speaker 1: and literally didn't speak to me for the rest of

891
00:51:00,890 --> 00:51:04,850
Speaker 1: the night. I didn't hear from him for three or

892
00:51:04,850 --> 00:51:09,370
Speaker 1: four days. I drove to the local pub at four am.

893
00:51:09,650 --> 00:51:13,330
Speaker 1: His car was there. I looked in the window of

894
00:51:13,410 --> 00:51:17,210
Speaker 1: the Pokey's. He was at a Pokey's machine with about

895
00:51:17,210 --> 00:51:20,970
Speaker 1: six beers lined up by himself. It was very clear

896
00:51:21,010 --> 00:51:24,890
Speaker 1: he had moved out. I didn't hear from him. He

897
00:51:25,570 --> 00:51:29,170
Speaker 1: hadn't come home. He was gone, and I thought, you

898
00:51:29,210 --> 00:51:32,050
Speaker 1: know what, I wanted you to move out anyway. I

899
00:51:32,130 --> 00:51:35,530
Speaker 1: was no longer happy, I mean, unfortunate the way it

900
00:51:35,610 --> 00:51:39,410
Speaker 1: happened that he just made the decision without discussion, but

901
00:51:40,370 --> 00:51:42,170
Speaker 1: I was glad it had happened, and I thought, well,

902
00:51:42,210 --> 00:51:45,490
Speaker 1: you've moved out. You no longer have the right to

903
00:51:45,650 --> 00:51:47,810
Speaker 1: walk in and out of my house. So I got

904
00:51:47,810 --> 00:51:52,290
Speaker 1: the locks changed so as I was literally heading out

905
00:51:52,330 --> 00:51:54,050
Speaker 1: the door to go and stay at a girlfriend's house

906
00:51:54,050 --> 00:51:57,650
Speaker 1: for the night. He showed up and he tried to

907
00:51:57,690 --> 00:52:01,330
Speaker 1: open the door. Obviously he couldn't get in. He knocked

908
00:52:01,370 --> 00:52:03,530
Speaker 1: and I opened the door, and he's like, what's going on.

909
00:52:03,610 --> 00:52:06,010
Speaker 1: I said, well, you've moved out. I haven't heard from

910
00:52:06,010 --> 00:52:07,810
Speaker 1: you in five days. You said you were moving out,

911
00:52:07,810 --> 00:52:11,210
Speaker 1: and you've clearly moved out, so you can't come and

912
00:52:11,250 --> 00:52:14,810
Speaker 1: go as you please in my house. So I've changed locks.

913
00:52:14,890 --> 00:52:18,570
Speaker 1: I've packed all your belongings. They're all in suitcases. I

914
00:52:18,610 --> 00:52:20,450
Speaker 1: don't know why I even bothered packing them for you,

915
00:52:20,490 --> 00:52:23,610
Speaker 1: because I've paid for literally every piece of clothing in

916
00:52:23,650 --> 00:52:26,490
Speaker 1: your wardrobe that you've accumulated over the last six and

917
00:52:26,490 --> 00:52:28,210
Speaker 1: a half years. I should have kept it all, but

918
00:52:28,290 --> 00:52:29,730
Speaker 1: you know I'm a nice person, so I've packed it

919
00:52:29,730 --> 00:52:32,010
Speaker 1: all up for you. Here you go, I'll help you

920
00:52:32,010 --> 00:52:35,290
Speaker 1: put it in the car. He pushed the door open

921
00:52:35,850 --> 00:52:38,090
Speaker 1: grab you know, had his house keys in his hand,

922
00:52:38,170 --> 00:52:40,890
Speaker 1: so he threw them up my face. He pushed me

923
00:52:40,930 --> 00:52:43,290
Speaker 1: out the way and he said, well, the TV's mine.

924
00:52:43,530 --> 00:52:45,530
Speaker 1: You gave it to me as a birthday present. So

925
00:52:45,570 --> 00:52:48,250
Speaker 1: he tried to rip the TV off the wall. I

926
00:52:48,330 --> 00:52:51,610
Speaker 1: tried to stop him. He pushed me again. He didn't

927
00:52:51,810 --> 00:52:55,770
Speaker 1: continue the physical after that, but I backed away and said,

928
00:52:55,770 --> 00:52:58,650
Speaker 1: you know, get out. I think he realized he'd crossed

929
00:52:58,690 --> 00:53:02,170
Speaker 1: the line. Obviously, he had become physically violent. So he

930
00:53:02,250 --> 00:53:05,090
Speaker 1: started picking up his suitcases I'd packed and putting them

931
00:53:05,090 --> 00:53:07,730
Speaker 1: in the car. I tried to help. He did then

932
00:53:07,810 --> 00:53:10,530
Speaker 1: push me again, don't you dare touch my things? And

933
00:53:10,610 --> 00:53:13,210
Speaker 1: so I just backed away and just sat in the

934
00:53:13,250 --> 00:53:15,050
Speaker 1: lounge room and let him put his things in the car.

935
00:53:15,530 --> 00:53:17,930
Speaker 1: He came back screaming, where am I going to live? Said,

936
00:53:17,970 --> 00:53:19,290
Speaker 1: I don't know where have you been living for the

937
00:53:19,410 --> 00:53:22,810
Speaker 1: last five days? Go live there. Over the years, I

938
00:53:22,930 --> 00:53:26,970
Speaker 1: just fell less and less in love with him. His

939
00:53:27,050 --> 00:53:30,970
Speaker 1: relationship with his children deteriorated. He said he loved his children,

940
00:53:31,010 --> 00:53:33,930
Speaker 1: but I never knew why he wouldn't fight for his

941
00:53:34,050 --> 00:53:37,610
Speaker 1: children when his ex wife was sort of reducing his

942
00:53:37,770 --> 00:53:41,690
Speaker 1: access to them. I thought, you are just not the

943
00:53:41,730 --> 00:53:44,090
Speaker 1: man I thought you were, the man I fell in

944
00:53:44,090 --> 00:53:46,090
Speaker 1: love with. He was not that man. He was a

945
00:53:46,170 --> 00:53:50,810
Speaker 1: completely different person. So I felt really mixed emotions. A

946
00:53:51,410 --> 00:53:53,850
Speaker 1: I had wanted him to move out. I had threatened

947
00:53:53,890 --> 00:53:56,890
Speaker 1: it many times, and I meant it, but at the

948
00:53:56,930 --> 00:54:00,130
Speaker 1: same time. I mean they were kind of empty threats.

949
00:54:00,250 --> 00:54:03,690
Speaker 1: They were threats of saying, sort yourself out or move out,

950
00:54:03,770 --> 00:54:07,210
Speaker 1: And deep down I hoped he'd sort himself out and

951
00:54:07,290 --> 00:54:10,010
Speaker 1: get back to the person that I'd met, and that

952
00:54:10,090 --> 00:54:12,570
Speaker 1: we would have a fresh start. So I think a

953
00:54:12,570 --> 00:54:14,130
Speaker 1: little bit in me was still in love with the

954
00:54:14,170 --> 00:54:16,970
Speaker 1: person i'd met, but I certainly wasn't in love with

955
00:54:17,010 --> 00:54:20,810
Speaker 1: this person. I was angry at myself. I hadn't been

956
00:54:20,850 --> 00:54:24,770
Speaker 1: brave enough to pull that cord a long time ago.

957
00:54:24,890 --> 00:54:29,330
Speaker 1: I was angry he made the decision without discussion. I

958
00:54:29,410 --> 00:54:33,570
Speaker 1: was angry we'd been to counseling and he'd lied. I

959
00:54:33,690 --> 00:54:38,730
Speaker 1: was also just so devastated. He was silent for a

960
00:54:38,770 --> 00:54:41,690
Speaker 1: couple of weeks, and then a couple of weeks later

961
00:54:42,450 --> 00:54:46,090
Speaker 1: he contacted me and said, I've made a mistake. I've

962
00:54:46,130 --> 00:54:48,530
Speaker 1: been living on my brother's couch and also a friend

963
00:54:48,570 --> 00:54:50,970
Speaker 1: from work's couch, and all my clothes are in my car,

964
00:54:51,090 --> 00:54:53,450
Speaker 1: and I've had time to think, and I've made a mistake,

965
00:54:53,530 --> 00:54:56,290
Speaker 1: and I don't think I'm ready to move back in.

966
00:54:56,370 --> 00:54:59,370
Speaker 1: But let's talk about it, and can we at least

967
00:54:59,450 --> 00:55:01,330
Speaker 1: go for a coffee and walk the dog? And I

968
00:55:01,490 --> 00:55:03,850
Speaker 1: missed the dog, and so we did and we went

969
00:55:03,890 --> 00:55:06,090
Speaker 1: for a coffee and a brunch and we walked the

970
00:55:06,170 --> 00:55:09,010
Speaker 1: dog and we talked about things and it was lovely,

971
00:55:09,010 --> 00:55:12,170
Speaker 1: and we kissed and we held hands for the whole time,

972
00:55:12,250 --> 00:55:14,850
Speaker 1: and it was lovely. And he was like, I think

973
00:55:14,890 --> 00:55:17,970
Speaker 1: I've made a mistake, but I just need time to

974
00:55:18,010 --> 00:55:20,130
Speaker 1: clear my head. I need to see if I can

975
00:55:20,170 --> 00:55:23,770
Speaker 1: sort myself out. I sort of gave him his space.

976
00:55:24,570 --> 00:55:27,770
Speaker 1: A couple of weeks later, he said, let's go out

977
00:55:27,770 --> 00:55:31,490
Speaker 1: for dinner, and we did. We went out for a

978
00:55:31,610 --> 00:55:34,050
Speaker 1: romantic dinner and had a bottle of wine and he

979
00:55:34,090 --> 00:55:38,730
Speaker 1: didn't overdrink and he actually paid for dinner, which was,

980
00:55:38,930 --> 00:55:41,850
Speaker 1: you know, a first, and we had a lovely time.

981
00:55:41,930 --> 00:55:44,770
Speaker 1: And it was a bit awkward because I didn't really

982
00:55:44,770 --> 00:55:46,930
Speaker 1: even know what to talk about. But he let me

983
00:55:46,970 --> 00:55:50,410
Speaker 1: know he'd finally decided to leave his job. He realized

984
00:55:50,410 --> 00:55:53,010
Speaker 1: that that was part of his causing him to be

985
00:55:53,090 --> 00:55:56,090
Speaker 1: anxious and to drink and was stressing him out, and

986
00:55:56,130 --> 00:55:58,930
Speaker 1: he said he'd applied for another job. He explained that

987
00:55:59,010 --> 00:56:02,330
Speaker 1: it was actually quite a significant emotion and a pay cut,

988
00:56:02,370 --> 00:56:06,770
Speaker 1: which I found really odd. I didn't understand it but

989
00:56:06,810 --> 00:56:08,930
Speaker 1: he said, look, I just need to move on. My

990
00:56:08,970 --> 00:56:11,330
Speaker 1: workplace is just no longer good for my mental health.

991
00:56:11,650 --> 00:56:15,370
Speaker 1: Willing to take a demotion, It's okay, good on you. Yeah,

992
00:56:15,410 --> 00:56:17,770
Speaker 1: And then I literally didn't hear from him for weeks,

993
00:56:18,370 --> 00:56:21,330
Speaker 1: weeks and weeks and weeks. Yet I'd see photos on

994
00:56:21,410 --> 00:56:24,130
Speaker 1: social media if him out drinking with his brother constantly,

995
00:56:24,170 --> 00:56:27,130
Speaker 1: in Sydney, in Adelaide, in Melbourne, all over the place.

996
00:56:27,650 --> 00:56:31,010
Speaker 2: That was it. Bianca was officially done. She was worried

997
00:56:31,010 --> 00:56:33,810
Speaker 2: about him, but she couldn't let him be her problem anymore.

998
00:56:34,370 --> 00:56:35,650
Speaker 2: She'd given too much.

999
00:56:36,250 --> 00:56:38,890
Speaker 1: A few weeks later, I got a text from him, know,

1000
00:56:39,810 --> 00:56:43,010
Speaker 1: how are you? Can we see you again? Or just

1001
00:56:43,050 --> 00:56:46,890
Speaker 1: a can I see the dog? And I was like, okay,

1002
00:56:47,090 --> 00:56:50,050
Speaker 1: I guess that's your way of saying nail in the coffin?

1003
00:56:50,610 --> 00:56:54,890
Speaker 1: And I said, no, you can't. The dog's mine. You

1004
00:56:54,970 --> 00:56:59,930
Speaker 1: can't see her now or ever again. So he replies, fine,

1005
00:57:00,490 --> 00:57:04,730
Speaker 1: where's my money? I said, I what money? You owe

1006
00:57:04,770 --> 00:57:07,130
Speaker 1: me half of everything that's been paid off the mortgage

1007
00:57:08,250 --> 00:57:12,290
Speaker 1: And we had this text battle. I said, no, please

1008
00:57:12,370 --> 00:57:15,650
Speaker 1: check our prenup. I only owe you half if you contributed.

1009
00:57:16,450 --> 00:57:19,730
Speaker 1: You didn't. I've got all the mortgage statements, I've got

1010
00:57:19,770 --> 00:57:23,610
Speaker 1: all the bank statements. You're not owed anything. And in fact,

1011
00:57:24,410 --> 00:57:27,610
Speaker 1: I've loaned you tens of thousands of dollars and I've

1012
00:57:27,690 --> 00:57:31,250
Speaker 1: paid for everything. You probably owe me a lot of money.

1013
00:57:31,290 --> 00:57:34,290
Speaker 1: I wouldn't ask we're done, just walk away. You don't

1014
00:57:34,290 --> 00:57:36,970
Speaker 1: even have to pay me back. Just walk away, and

1015
00:57:37,050 --> 00:57:42,370
Speaker 1: he wouldn't. And then he sent me a foul email,

1016
00:57:42,570 --> 00:57:46,850
Speaker 1: firstly accusing me of cheating again, and I want my money,

1017
00:57:46,930 --> 00:57:50,130
Speaker 1: I demand this much, excell And I just thought, I

1018
00:57:50,170 --> 00:57:53,050
Speaker 1: want none of this. And I just forwarded it to

1019
00:57:53,770 --> 00:57:56,010
Speaker 1: the lawyer that had actually written the prenup in the

1020
00:57:56,010 --> 00:57:58,970
Speaker 1: first place, and I said, I'm engaging your services. I'm

1021
00:57:58,970 --> 00:58:01,530
Speaker 1: not even responding. I don't want to deal with this.

1022
00:58:02,370 --> 00:58:04,650
Speaker 1: I was just furious at this point, and I thought,

1023
00:58:04,930 --> 00:58:10,130
Speaker 1: are you kidding? We both know, as does everyone quite frankly,

1024
00:58:11,090 --> 00:58:16,090
Speaker 1: I pay for everything. You contribute practically nothing, not even

1025
00:58:16,130 --> 00:58:19,530
Speaker 1: half of the bills. Like why would you do this

1026
00:58:19,650 --> 00:58:23,330
Speaker 1: to me after everything I've done for you? Like why

1027
00:58:23,490 --> 00:58:27,490
Speaker 1: turn nasty? Just end it, just walk away. I was hurt,

1028
00:58:27,570 --> 00:58:29,530
Speaker 1: but I was more angry, like why would you do

1029
00:58:29,650 --> 00:58:33,810
Speaker 1: this to me? I've been nothing but kind, generous, thoughtful.

1030
00:58:33,810 --> 00:58:37,410
Speaker 1: I've been wonderful to your children. I've given you a home,

1031
00:58:38,410 --> 00:58:41,170
Speaker 1: you've moved out. I've let you take half my stuff.

1032
00:58:41,330 --> 00:58:44,610
Speaker 1: I've let you moved out with support. Now you want

1033
00:58:44,610 --> 00:58:47,930
Speaker 1: my money. So I just engage a lawyer and let

1034
00:58:47,930 --> 00:58:52,050
Speaker 1: them deal with it, and backwards and forwards between the lawyers.

1035
00:58:52,210 --> 00:58:55,330
Speaker 1: Over the next three to four weeks, quite a lot

1036
00:58:55,330 --> 00:59:01,770
Speaker 1: more came out in him trying to claim money. His

1037
00:59:01,930 --> 00:59:06,890
Speaker 1: lawyer provided his bank statements for the last five years

1038
00:59:07,130 --> 00:59:10,210
Speaker 1: that we've been living in my house, and he did

1039
00:59:10,210 --> 00:59:13,370
Speaker 1: that to demonstrate that Alex had been putting some money

1040
00:59:13,370 --> 00:59:17,050
Speaker 1: in my account. But what also came out in those

1041
00:59:17,490 --> 00:59:23,370
Speaker 1: bank statements was the lawyer didn't redact anything. I now

1042
00:59:23,490 --> 00:59:27,770
Speaker 1: had every single transaction he'd made for five years, and

1043
00:59:27,850 --> 00:59:31,090
Speaker 1: what I found was a quarter of a million dollars

1044
00:59:31,130 --> 00:59:38,850
Speaker 1: of gambling. I thought he had anxiety. He didn't. That

1045
00:59:39,050 --> 00:59:42,250
Speaker 1: was the result of a big gambling loss. The night

1046
00:59:42,330 --> 00:59:47,050
Speaker 1: before when he took seven weeks off work. It correlated

1047
00:59:47,410 --> 00:59:51,570
Speaker 1: with a big gambling loss. The nights when I thought

1048
00:59:51,610 --> 00:59:55,290
Speaker 1: he was drinking would correlate to one thousand dollars in

1049
00:59:55,330 --> 00:59:59,930
Speaker 1: a pokey machine. The nights when he was staying at

1050
00:59:59,930 --> 01:00:03,770
Speaker 1: his brother's house in the city correlated to three thousand

1051
01:00:03,850 --> 01:00:08,290
Speaker 1: dollars at Crown Casino, and so a quarter of a

1052
01:00:08,330 --> 01:00:12,570
Speaker 1: million dollars gone. And it was a my money, but

1053
01:00:12,730 --> 01:00:18,210
Speaker 1: you know what it was because I'd paid for everything,

1054
01:00:19,090 --> 01:00:21,850
Speaker 1: because he said his money was going to his kids,

1055
01:00:21,970 --> 01:00:25,730
Speaker 1: and it wasn't going to his kids. During COVID when

1056
01:00:25,770 --> 01:00:29,410
Speaker 1: he wasn't able to go to the Pokeyes, there was

1057
01:00:29,530 --> 01:00:32,890
Speaker 1: usually three to four hundred dollars a day of betting

1058
01:00:33,010 --> 01:00:36,610
Speaker 1: on online betting sites. So when I thought we were

1059
01:00:36,770 --> 01:00:41,930
Speaker 1: enjoying time together in lockdown, watching Netflix, bonding on the

1060
01:00:41,930 --> 01:00:44,770
Speaker 1: couch and of course chatting to friends on text and

1061
01:00:44,850 --> 01:00:49,130
Speaker 1: social media and WhatsApp, I was doing that, he was

1062
01:00:49,170 --> 01:00:54,090
Speaker 1: sitting next to me gambling, throwing hundreds of dollars away

1063
01:00:54,170 --> 01:00:58,770
Speaker 1: on online betting sites, all the meanwhile asking me for money.

1064
01:01:00,330 --> 01:01:02,610
Speaker 1: The loans that he said he was paying off the

1065
01:01:02,730 --> 01:01:09,170
Speaker 1: debts from his ex wife didn't exist. There was no debts,

1066
01:01:09,410 --> 01:01:14,210
Speaker 1: there was no loans, There was just gambling. The school

1067
01:01:14,210 --> 01:01:19,130
Speaker 1: fees didn't exist, The payments to his ex wife didn't exist.

1068
01:01:19,730 --> 01:01:24,450
Speaker 1: What did exist was the inheritance. He was gambled away.

1069
01:01:24,490 --> 01:01:29,370
Speaker 1: Within a couple of months it was horrendous to sit

1070
01:01:29,450 --> 01:01:34,010
Speaker 1: there and discover I knew he was an alcoholic. I

1071
01:01:34,050 --> 01:01:38,770
Speaker 1: did not know, And in hindsight, I know I should

1072
01:01:38,810 --> 01:01:41,890
Speaker 1: have known that if you're staying at a local pub

1073
01:01:41,930 --> 01:01:44,650
Speaker 1: to four am, the only part of the pub that's

1074
01:01:44,730 --> 01:01:48,730
Speaker 1: open is the pokies. And I just didn't connect. I

1075
01:01:48,930 --> 01:01:51,450
Speaker 1: just thought he was drinking beers with his brother, but

1076
01:01:52,330 --> 01:01:56,610
Speaker 1: the two of them were just gambling. And this is

1077
01:01:56,610 --> 01:01:59,490
Speaker 1: why his brother couldn't hold down a job. This is

1078
01:01:59,530 --> 01:02:02,130
Speaker 1: why his brother was being kicked out of houses and

1079
01:02:02,210 --> 01:02:06,850
Speaker 1: living on couches, and this is why Alex never had money,

1080
01:02:06,930 --> 01:02:14,410
Speaker 1: because he's a serious gambling at it. At that point,

1081
01:02:15,170 --> 01:02:20,770
Speaker 1: I realized, Wow, everything he said about his ex wife

1082
01:02:20,810 --> 01:02:23,650
Speaker 1: is probably not true. I knew she didn't leave him

1083
01:02:23,650 --> 01:02:26,770
Speaker 1: in debt. I wondered if everything he had said about

1084
01:02:26,810 --> 01:02:30,490
Speaker 1: her was untrue. So I rang her. Obviously I had

1085
01:02:30,490 --> 01:02:32,890
Speaker 1: her number as the mother of the children, and I

1086
01:02:32,970 --> 01:02:34,890
Speaker 1: rang her and I said, you know, hey, it's Bianca,

1087
01:02:35,010 --> 01:02:37,850
Speaker 1: and you would have heard that Alex and I have

1088
01:02:38,130 --> 01:02:41,210
Speaker 1: broken up, she said, Yet I said, look, I don't

1089
01:02:41,250 --> 01:02:46,730
Speaker 1: want anything from you, and I'm ringing to sincerely apologize

1090
01:02:47,330 --> 01:02:51,410
Speaker 1: for having been really unpleasant to you. For all these years.

1091
01:02:53,250 --> 01:02:56,530
Speaker 1: Alex had said a lot of things to me about you,

1092
01:02:57,010 --> 01:03:00,170
Speaker 1: and that you cheated on him and you left him

1093
01:03:00,170 --> 01:03:02,810
Speaker 1: in all this debt and all of the things about

1094
01:03:02,850 --> 01:03:06,290
Speaker 1: non access to the children. And she was so lovely.

1095
01:03:06,330 --> 01:03:10,210
Speaker 1: She said, do you know what I completely understand. I

1096
01:03:10,290 --> 01:03:12,090
Speaker 1: knew he would have been lying to you, and I

1097
01:03:12,170 --> 01:03:16,490
Speaker 1: knew that's why you essentially didn't like me. I could

1098
01:03:16,530 --> 01:03:20,450
Speaker 1: never tell you the truth because a I was scared

1099
01:03:20,490 --> 01:03:22,490
Speaker 1: if I told you the truth, he would come after

1100
01:03:22,530 --> 01:03:26,770
Speaker 1: me and the children. I think he's really dangerous. And

1101
01:03:27,050 --> 01:03:29,650
Speaker 1: she said, I also didn't tell you because you wouldn't

1102
01:03:29,650 --> 01:03:32,250
Speaker 1: believe me if I told you the truth. And I said, well,

1103
01:03:32,290 --> 01:03:35,810
Speaker 1: you're right, but I'll believe you. Now. What's the truth?

1104
01:03:36,170 --> 01:03:40,130
Speaker 1: And she said, the truth is I didn't cheat. He

1105
01:03:40,210 --> 01:03:44,450
Speaker 1: did more than once. The truth is I didn't kick

1106
01:03:44,530 --> 01:03:48,050
Speaker 1: him out with no money. He stole all the money

1107
01:03:48,090 --> 01:03:51,450
Speaker 1: we had saved from my business. He gambled it all away.

1108
01:03:51,890 --> 01:03:54,330
Speaker 1: He left me broke and with nothing, and I had

1109
01:03:54,370 --> 01:03:57,010
Speaker 1: to borrow money for baby formula. He left me with

1110
01:03:57,370 --> 01:04:03,090
Speaker 1: two toddlers and a baby, broke. And she said, he's

1111
01:04:03,130 --> 01:04:06,530
Speaker 1: been gambling for years, Bianca. He did it to the

1112
01:04:06,570 --> 01:04:09,930
Speaker 1: girlfriend before me. I found out later. She's like, you're

1113
01:04:09,930 --> 01:04:14,250
Speaker 1: not his first victor, you're his third, if not more.

1114
01:04:14,890 --> 01:04:18,250
Speaker 1: He's been a gambling addict since he was about seventeen.

1115
01:04:18,890 --> 01:04:22,490
Speaker 1: He's just learned to hide it and manipulate it, and

1116
01:04:22,570 --> 01:04:27,970
Speaker 1: he just uses women for money and has learned to

1117
01:04:28,090 --> 01:04:32,090
Speaker 1: charm them and find the right buttons for them to

1118
01:04:32,210 --> 01:04:35,210
Speaker 1: fall in love with him until he gets what he wants.

1119
01:04:35,570 --> 01:04:37,370
Speaker 1: She said, don't worry, he's going to do it to

1120
01:04:37,410 --> 01:04:39,890
Speaker 1: the next one. And I said, well, hopefully no one

1121
01:04:39,930 --> 01:04:44,010
Speaker 1: else will fall for it. And she said he's already

1122
01:04:44,010 --> 01:04:48,490
Speaker 1: got a next one. What And she said, oh. He

1123
01:04:48,610 --> 01:04:52,010
Speaker 1: started bringing his new girlfriend to the kids' sports activities

1124
01:04:52,050 --> 01:04:58,890
Speaker 1: in June. The finances and the gambling, etc. Made me angry,

1125
01:04:58,970 --> 01:05:02,730
Speaker 1: But then to find out he'd moved on, Well, essentially

1126
01:05:02,810 --> 01:05:06,530
Speaker 1: had been cheating because I thought we were still dating.

1127
01:05:06,650 --> 01:05:09,690
Speaker 1: I thought we were trying to make it work, when

1128
01:05:09,730 --> 01:05:13,130
Speaker 1: in fact he wasn't. He was trying to keep me

1129
01:05:13,250 --> 01:05:18,210
Speaker 1: sweet to get money. He actually had another girlfriend. I

1130
01:05:18,290 --> 01:05:20,650
Speaker 1: kept going through his bank statements. I'd found the quarter

1131
01:05:20,690 --> 01:05:22,810
Speaker 1: of a million gambling, but I guess that's all I'd

1132
01:05:22,850 --> 01:05:25,930
Speaker 1: really been looking for, So I went back through his

1133
01:05:26,010 --> 01:05:32,450
Speaker 1: bank statements. Yeah, he'd been cheating, and not only cheating

1134
01:05:32,770 --> 01:05:38,090
Speaker 1: physically and emotionally, but he'd been giving her money. So

1135
01:05:38,290 --> 01:05:41,770
Speaker 1: I'd been paying for everything. I was out of a job,

1136
01:05:42,410 --> 01:05:45,610
Speaker 1: I was funding our holidays where we were still having

1137
01:05:45,650 --> 01:05:49,970
Speaker 1: sex daily, and he'd been sleeping with her on nights.

1138
01:05:49,970 --> 01:05:53,010
Speaker 1: He said he was at his brother's and he'd been

1139
01:05:53,050 --> 01:05:58,570
Speaker 1: giving her money. On our anniversary weekend, he transferred seven

1140
01:05:58,650 --> 01:06:05,530
Speaker 1: hundred dollars to her with the message just cause Valentine's Day.

1141
01:06:06,010 --> 01:06:09,450
Speaker 1: I think I got flowers and she got like one

1142
01:06:09,530 --> 01:06:14,570
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. And then and I found these bank transfers.

1143
01:06:14,650 --> 01:06:17,010
Speaker 1: I started putting two and two together, like when it

1144
01:06:17,050 --> 01:06:20,330
Speaker 1: He started staying at his brothers and I scrolled through

1145
01:06:20,370 --> 01:06:24,090
Speaker 1: social media, and whilst they hadn't tagged each other, I

1146
01:06:24,170 --> 01:06:27,810
Speaker 1: worked out that there were functions that they were at together.

1147
01:06:28,090 --> 01:06:31,490
Speaker 1: So I pieced it together and he started cheating. When

1148
01:06:31,530 --> 01:06:35,450
Speaker 1: I lost my job, I was no longer useful to him.

1149
01:06:35,970 --> 01:06:39,450
Speaker 1: He moved on and found his next victim. So I

1150
01:06:39,490 --> 01:06:43,610
Speaker 1: had to go to the doctor, get tests, etc. Everything

1151
01:06:43,650 --> 01:06:47,130
Speaker 1: was all clear, thankfully, but emotionally at this point to

1152
01:06:47,210 --> 01:06:51,810
Speaker 1: find out I had just been used for money and

1153
01:06:51,970 --> 01:06:55,370
Speaker 1: had been cheated on and lied to and manipulated and

1154
01:06:55,490 --> 01:06:59,810
Speaker 1: gas lighted and accused of cheating when the opposite was happening,

1155
01:07:00,010 --> 01:07:03,290
Speaker 1: and put up with being ignored in my own home

1156
01:07:03,370 --> 01:07:07,690
Speaker 1: for days, and treading on eggshells for days, wondering if

1157
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:09,570
Speaker 1: he'd be in a good mood or a bad mood,

1158
01:07:09,650 --> 01:07:13,970
Speaker 1: and just to have been through so that it wasn't

1159
01:07:14,490 --> 01:07:16,850
Speaker 1: that he left because I didn't love him. It was

1160
01:07:17,650 --> 01:07:22,210
Speaker 1: recognizing I'd just been played a fool for over six

1161
01:07:22,330 --> 01:07:25,090
Speaker 1: years of someone who just wanted money. I just broke

1162
01:07:25,170 --> 01:07:27,570
Speaker 1: down at the doctors. You know, I was there for

1163
01:07:27,610 --> 01:07:31,410
Speaker 1: physical tests, but they ended up referring me to a

1164
01:07:31,490 --> 01:07:36,770
Speaker 1: trauma counselor. I got diagnosed with depression, like basically post

1165
01:07:36,770 --> 01:07:40,690
Speaker 1: traumatic stress. I had to see a councilor quite a

1166
01:07:40,770 --> 01:07:44,890
Speaker 1: number of times. I got put on antidepressants. All the while,

1167
01:07:45,210 --> 01:07:48,730
Speaker 1: the lawyers are still battling things out, and he's still

1168
01:07:49,010 --> 01:07:52,930
Speaker 1: trying to get money. My lawyer was also looking through

1169
01:07:53,450 --> 01:07:56,890
Speaker 1: his bank statements and found things that I hadn't found.

1170
01:07:56,930 --> 01:07:59,970
Speaker 1: And my lawyer and I got together and found that

1171
01:08:00,250 --> 01:08:05,050
Speaker 1: not only was he gambling, drinking, giving money to a girlfriend, etc.

1172
01:08:06,090 --> 01:08:09,010
Speaker 1: Blew his inheritance, blew a lot of money of mine,

1173
01:08:09,770 --> 01:08:12,850
Speaker 1: borrowed money off me, all evident in the bank statements.

1174
01:08:13,570 --> 01:08:17,930
Speaker 1: Not only that, but he was getting cash deposits of

1175
01:08:18,090 --> 01:08:22,570
Speaker 1: up to ten thousand dollars a month at a time

1176
01:08:23,130 --> 01:08:26,530
Speaker 1: prior to telling me he was leaving his job, which

1177
01:08:26,570 --> 01:08:31,010
Speaker 1: now makes sense. He was had a very senior role

1178
01:08:31,210 --> 01:08:37,570
Speaker 1: at a commercial sort of kitchen equipment company. And what

1179
01:08:38,290 --> 01:08:43,930
Speaker 1: we pieced together is that he had been stealing equipment

1180
01:08:44,650 --> 01:08:49,370
Speaker 1: twenty thirty thousand dollar equipment from his work. They wouldn't notice.

1181
01:08:49,370 --> 01:08:52,050
Speaker 1: They sell millions and millions of dollars a month, so

1182
01:08:52,090 --> 01:08:54,490
Speaker 1: they wouldn't notice a thirty thousand dollar piece of equipment

1183
01:08:54,530 --> 01:08:57,330
Speaker 1: missing from the warehouse. And he managed the infantry in

1184
01:08:57,370 --> 01:09:01,410
Speaker 1: the stock take. He was stealing from his work and

1185
01:09:01,530 --> 01:09:05,410
Speaker 1: selling for cash. He was getting up to ten thousand

1186
01:09:05,450 --> 01:09:10,690
Speaker 1: dollars a month cash, basically trading in stolen goods. February

1187
01:09:11,130 --> 01:09:14,250
Speaker 1: twenty two four, just this year, it all came to

1188
01:09:14,330 --> 01:09:18,450
Speaker 1: a head with the lawyers. He wouldn't walk away. We

1189
01:09:18,610 --> 01:09:24,810
Speaker 1: ended up in a barrister session in separate rooms. I

1190
01:09:24,890 --> 01:09:29,650
Speaker 1: had to have a security guard because over the last

1191
01:09:29,730 --> 01:09:33,730
Speaker 1: few months, both myself and my neighbors had had to

1192
01:09:33,770 --> 01:09:38,130
Speaker 1: make several reports to the police of my house being stalked.

1193
01:09:38,930 --> 01:09:42,130
Speaker 1: So there'd been a number of instances where I guess

1194
01:09:42,290 --> 01:09:47,330
Speaker 1: unknown weird cars with unknown men were either in my

1195
01:09:47,450 --> 01:09:51,010
Speaker 1: driveway or parked out the front of my house taking photos.

1196
01:09:51,930 --> 01:09:55,090
Speaker 1: So I was at the point where I was a

1197
01:09:55,130 --> 01:09:59,290
Speaker 1: bit scared. He wasn't owed money, that was legally clear,

1198
01:10:00,370 --> 01:10:02,450
Speaker 1: but I knew if I just didn't settle, I was

1199
01:10:02,490 --> 01:10:06,610
Speaker 1: in danger. So we went to a barrister session in

1200
01:10:06,730 --> 01:10:10,090
Speaker 1: separate rooms. I had someone there looking after me. He

1201
01:10:10,210 --> 01:10:12,410
Speaker 1: wasn't allowed to leave the room that he was in

1202
01:10:13,010 --> 01:10:16,610
Speaker 1: so that we didn't cross paths. The barrister recognized that

1203
01:10:16,690 --> 01:10:20,290
Speaker 1: I was afraid. The barrister, I guess as they do,

1204
01:10:20,450 --> 01:10:23,970
Speaker 1: sort of moved in between the two rooms and facilitated.

1205
01:10:23,970 --> 01:10:27,650
Speaker 1: We both had lawyers there. The barrister was a female

1206
01:10:27,650 --> 01:10:31,410
Speaker 1: and essentially came back into my room after at least

1207
01:10:31,450 --> 01:10:33,370
Speaker 1: an hour with him and I'd been sitting there, and

1208
01:10:33,410 --> 01:10:39,250
Speaker 1: she said, Bianca, legally he's owed nothing. It's clear as day.

1209
01:10:39,410 --> 01:10:43,930
Speaker 1: You have a prenup. The bank statements verify that he's

1210
01:10:43,930 --> 01:10:47,450
Speaker 1: owed nothing, but he's had to declare, as had I

1211
01:10:48,490 --> 01:10:52,850
Speaker 1: your financial positions as of today, which by this point

1212
01:10:52,890 --> 01:10:56,130
Speaker 1: was nine or ten months since we'd split up. But

1213
01:10:56,250 --> 01:10:59,690
Speaker 1: in that same nine months he had accrued over one

1214
01:10:59,770 --> 01:11:04,090
Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars of debt, so he had obviously gone

1215
01:11:04,130 --> 01:11:09,130
Speaker 1: and gotten personal loans or whatever to fund his gambling addiction.

1216
01:11:10,010 --> 01:11:15,090
Speaker 1: And the barrister said to me, he literally has nothing

1217
01:11:15,250 --> 01:11:21,290
Speaker 1: to lose. He is unofficially bankrupt. He's in a six

1218
01:11:21,370 --> 01:11:26,610
Speaker 1: figure debt. He owns nothing, he doesn't even own a car.

1219
01:11:27,690 --> 01:11:31,090
Speaker 1: He has a lawyer that you don't pay up front,

1220
01:11:31,170 --> 01:11:34,770
Speaker 1: so he now has legal bills. He will not walk

1221
01:11:34,810 --> 01:11:41,210
Speaker 1: away unless you pay. And I've just spent over an

1222
01:11:41,210 --> 01:11:45,730
Speaker 1: hour with him. He is unstable. He will go to

1223
01:11:45,930 --> 01:11:50,890
Speaker 1: any length to get money. I think, for the sake

1224
01:11:50,970 --> 01:11:54,410
Speaker 1: of what is in ten years time you look back

1225
01:11:54,410 --> 01:11:56,690
Speaker 1: at not a great deal of money to you. Forego

1226
01:11:56,770 --> 01:12:01,330
Speaker 1: your principles, forego the prenup. Pay him out, because I

1227
01:12:01,410 --> 01:12:05,090
Speaker 1: actually think if you don't, you are in physical danger.

1228
01:12:05,850 --> 01:12:10,850
Speaker 1: And I went. It pains me, it angers me. It's unfair,

1229
01:12:11,050 --> 01:12:15,570
Speaker 1: it's un just, it's not right. Fine, I will just

1230
01:12:15,730 --> 01:12:23,690
Speaker 1: pay him to go away, and I did. He was

1231
01:12:23,770 --> 01:12:28,170
Speaker 1: now spending up to twenty thousand dollars a month gambling,

1232
01:12:29,170 --> 01:12:31,930
Speaker 1: so his life I mean, if it could get any worse,

1233
01:12:31,970 --> 01:12:36,250
Speaker 1: it had spiraled. It taken a lesser job with lesser money.

1234
01:12:37,290 --> 01:12:39,850
Speaker 1: He was presenting to the world like he was happy

1235
01:12:39,850 --> 01:12:41,650
Speaker 1: to be without me, and he was partying and life

1236
01:12:41,690 --> 01:12:44,010
Speaker 1: was great with his new girlfriend. But the reality is

1237
01:12:44,050 --> 01:12:48,330
Speaker 1: it's not. It's terrible. He's just actually spiraled and he's

1238
01:12:48,370 --> 01:12:54,010
Speaker 1: a loser. Even the counselor that had met him said, wow,

1239
01:12:54,410 --> 01:12:58,210
Speaker 1: now that you've explained all of this, I have really

1240
01:12:58,290 --> 01:13:02,890
Speaker 1: a professional opinion. I was like, okay, what And she said,

1241
01:13:03,890 --> 01:13:11,010
Speaker 1: his textbook sociopath, he had a terrible childhood. According to him,

1242
01:13:11,050 --> 01:13:13,930
Speaker 1: he was abuse. She said, what that can lead to,

1243
01:13:14,170 --> 01:13:16,810
Speaker 1: and it sounds like it has leaded to is an

1244
01:13:16,850 --> 01:13:23,370
Speaker 1: adult that has no morals often turns to crime. Sociopaths

1245
01:13:23,850 --> 01:13:29,690
Speaker 1: very regularly turn to addiction, whether it be drugs, alcohol, gambling, sex, whatever.

1246
01:13:30,410 --> 01:13:33,850
Speaker 1: And she said, they actually just yet have no moral code.

1247
01:13:33,970 --> 01:13:38,530
Speaker 1: They lie, manipulate, use people to get whatever they want,

1248
01:13:39,210 --> 01:13:41,490
Speaker 1: and then once they can't get what they want anymore,

1249
01:13:42,250 --> 01:13:48,250
Speaker 1: they discard them. And she said, sociopaths genuinely don't feel love.

1250
01:13:48,970 --> 01:13:53,090
Speaker 1: They learn to mimic people, They learn to work out

1251
01:13:53,210 --> 01:13:57,770
Speaker 1: how to give people what they need and everyone will

1252
01:13:57,810 --> 01:14:01,970
Speaker 1: think they are kind and charming, but actually they feel

1253
01:14:01,970 --> 01:14:08,410
Speaker 1: nothing about anyone, and that's pretty much where we're at.

1254
01:14:09,090 --> 01:14:15,370
Speaker 1: I feel like it actually just gives me validation that

1255
01:14:16,250 --> 01:14:20,170
Speaker 1: this was never me, and I look back and think,

1256
01:14:21,650 --> 01:14:24,490
Speaker 1: we're they're red flags, and you know what, in hindsight,

1257
01:14:24,530 --> 01:14:27,130
Speaker 1: there's always red flags. And as I talk to you

1258
01:14:27,170 --> 01:14:30,930
Speaker 1: today and read out these stories of him ghosting me

1259
01:14:31,010 --> 01:14:34,610
Speaker 1: and abusing me and accusing me of cheating and disrespecting me,

1260
01:14:35,330 --> 01:14:37,410
Speaker 1: they should have been red flags at the time. Maybe,

1261
01:14:37,450 --> 01:14:40,850
Speaker 1: But honestly, I look back and I think, well, now

1262
01:14:40,890 --> 01:14:46,570
Speaker 1: that it's clear he is legitimately a sociopath, he was

1263
01:14:46,850 --> 01:14:51,930
Speaker 1: so clever at being charming and giving me what I

1264
01:14:52,010 --> 01:14:56,730
Speaker 1: needed when I needed it, and so manipulative that he'd

1265
01:14:56,850 --> 01:15:01,130
Speaker 1: just become really good at hiding the red flags. And

1266
01:15:01,210 --> 01:15:04,290
Speaker 1: in reality, I wasn't the first person he did this too,

1267
01:15:04,370 --> 01:15:10,490
Speaker 1: so he's had now thirty years to practice hiding the

1268
01:15:10,530 --> 01:15:13,570
Speaker 1: person that he is. So you know, initially when I

1269
01:15:13,770 --> 01:15:16,450
Speaker 1: found all of this out, I felt hurt and cheated

1270
01:15:16,490 --> 01:15:20,450
Speaker 1: and a fool, and now I just think, no, I'm

1271
01:15:20,490 --> 01:15:25,970
Speaker 1: not a fool. He's just very, very good at manipulating

1272
01:15:26,010 --> 01:15:32,050
Speaker 1: people and hiding what he's really like from everyone, even

1273
01:15:32,050 --> 01:15:36,130
Speaker 1: those closest to him. I honestly think the only person

1274
01:15:36,290 --> 01:15:39,850
Speaker 1: in the world that probably knows the truth about him

1275
01:15:40,370 --> 01:15:44,650
Speaker 1: is his brother. The rest of his family think his

1276
01:15:44,810 --> 01:15:47,970
Speaker 1: ex wife was the problem. They would now think I

1277
01:15:48,170 --> 01:15:52,610
Speaker 1: was the problem. Everyone believes him because he's had thirty

1278
01:15:52,730 --> 01:15:57,730
Speaker 1: years of practicing hiding what is really like. And I

1279
01:15:57,810 --> 01:16:00,570
Speaker 1: look back and I now realize, and his ex wife

1280
01:16:00,850 --> 01:16:05,490
Speaker 1: has told me the reason the eleven year old stopped

1281
01:16:05,530 --> 01:16:09,290
Speaker 1: seeing him is I don't know. She just got to

1282
01:16:09,330 --> 01:16:13,570
Speaker 1: the age where she started being through him and hearing

1283
01:16:13,650 --> 01:16:18,090
Speaker 1: the way he spoke to her mum, and then she

1284
01:16:18,370 --> 01:16:21,650
Speaker 1: started to realize he was lying well before I did,

1285
01:16:21,810 --> 01:16:26,450
Speaker 1: because she heard both sides, and so she turned on

1286
01:16:26,530 --> 01:16:29,050
Speaker 1: him because she realized what he was like. Since we've

1287
01:16:29,090 --> 01:16:32,210
Speaker 1: broken up the youngest daughter who is now eleven, so

1288
01:16:32,250 --> 01:16:36,490
Speaker 1: then our sixteen thirteen eleven, the other daughter, has also

1289
01:16:36,530 --> 01:16:40,810
Speaker 1: worked him out. He doesn't want help, and he is

1290
01:16:41,050 --> 01:16:46,730
Speaker 1: choosing to lie to everyone about it. So I've felt

1291
01:16:46,730 --> 01:16:52,130
Speaker 1: empathy and now I feel nothing. I have been through

1292
01:16:53,130 --> 01:17:00,530
Speaker 1: periods where I think, wow, addiction is a medical problem,

1293
01:17:01,330 --> 01:17:04,290
Speaker 1: and I have felt empathy and thought, you know, he

1294
01:17:05,410 --> 01:17:09,570
Speaker 1: couldn't help her addiction was and still is, you know,

1295
01:17:09,730 --> 01:17:13,290
Speaker 1: driving every decision he makes, and it's out of his control.

1296
01:17:13,370 --> 01:17:16,250
Speaker 1: So I have felt moments of that, and then I

1297
01:17:16,290 --> 01:17:19,290
Speaker 1: guess that's my heart and then my head clicks in

1298
01:17:19,330 --> 01:17:23,130
Speaker 1: and says, well, hang on. He was offered help for

1299
01:17:23,210 --> 01:17:28,410
Speaker 1: his addiction, he turned it away. Addiction might have controlled

1300
01:17:28,730 --> 01:17:34,890
Speaker 1: some of his decisions around money, but addiction didn't make

1301
01:17:35,010 --> 01:17:40,610
Speaker 1: him lie, manipulate, cheat, abuse me, yell at me, ghost me,

1302
01:17:41,370 --> 01:17:46,250
Speaker 1: disrespect me. And I guess once I thought about it

1303
01:17:46,610 --> 01:17:49,010
Speaker 1: in a more considered fashion and took my heart out

1304
01:17:49,050 --> 01:17:52,410
Speaker 1: of it, the empathy disappeared, and I just thought, no,

1305
01:17:52,850 --> 01:17:57,930
Speaker 1: everything you have done is a choice. And I know

1306
01:17:58,050 --> 01:18:01,090
Speaker 1: that's not the case with everyone that suffers addiction, and

1307
01:18:01,170 --> 01:18:05,370
Speaker 1: for many people addiction it's not a choice. It's a problem.

1308
01:18:05,450 --> 01:18:07,130
Speaker 1: And I know a lot of people want help and

1309
01:18:07,170 --> 01:18:11,210
Speaker 1: they can't get it. He doesn't want help, and he

1310
01:18:11,330 --> 01:18:17,130
Speaker 1: is choosing to lie to everyone about it. So I've

1311
01:18:17,130 --> 01:18:22,530
Speaker 1: felt empathy and now I feel nothing. You know, it's

1312
01:18:22,570 --> 01:18:25,730
Speaker 1: a lesson, like he's taught me lessons that I would

1313
01:18:25,770 --> 01:18:28,650
Speaker 1: never have learned otherwise, and I've probably come out of it.

1314
01:18:28,730 --> 01:18:33,450
Speaker 1: You know, I was always really independent and I've just

1315
01:18:33,490 --> 01:18:37,850
Speaker 1: come out of it more confident and more independent than

1316
01:18:38,210 --> 01:18:41,530
Speaker 1: I ever was. Since he's left me, and I haven't

1317
01:18:41,570 --> 01:18:45,770
Speaker 1: been sitting at home waiting for him and miserable. I

1318
01:18:45,970 --> 01:18:51,810
Speaker 1: do know that someone has tipped off the police to

1319
01:18:51,930 --> 01:18:54,770
Speaker 1: his stolen goods activity, and I know that because they

1320
01:18:54,970 --> 01:18:59,490
Speaker 1: contacted me and asked me if I had knew of it,

1321
01:18:59,530 --> 01:19:01,770
Speaker 1: and I said no, I knew nothing about it. It

1322
01:19:01,810 --> 01:19:04,930
Speaker 1: had nothing to do with me. I've heard that he

1323
01:19:04,970 --> 01:19:08,050
Speaker 1: may have been audited by the ATO and they have

1324
01:19:08,210 --> 01:19:13,690
Speaker 1: found some extra income that wasn't declared. So I'm assuming

1325
01:19:13,810 --> 01:19:16,690
Speaker 1: that it's going to have some repercussions for him, both

1326
01:19:16,730 --> 01:19:21,410
Speaker 1: financially and possibly criminally. I don't know the details. I

1327
01:19:21,490 --> 01:19:24,210
Speaker 1: don't know the outcome. I don't know what will happen,

1328
01:19:24,250 --> 01:19:28,610
Speaker 1: and I really don't care. He's made his bed and yeah,

1329
01:19:28,650 --> 01:19:34,050
Speaker 1: he can lie in it. I've joined a running club,

1330
01:19:34,250 --> 01:19:37,930
Speaker 1: I've upped my forty five game. I've just been overseas

1331
01:19:37,970 --> 01:19:41,770
Speaker 1: and done a CrossFit camp. I'm fitter than I've ever been.

1332
01:19:42,010 --> 01:19:48,010
Speaker 1: I'm financially independent again. I'm doing really well in my career.

1333
01:19:48,930 --> 01:19:53,570
Speaker 1: I've reconnected with friends that I probably had neglected, and

1334
01:19:53,610 --> 01:19:58,090
Speaker 1: that's been really wonderful. I've reconnected with friends I actually

1335
01:19:58,170 --> 01:20:01,650
Speaker 1: hadn't even seen for ten years and just bonded over

1336
01:20:02,170 --> 01:20:06,370
Speaker 1: others that have been through similar So whilst it was

1337
01:20:06,610 --> 01:20:09,890
Speaker 1: horrible and regretful, I just take lessons out of it

1338
01:20:10,490 --> 01:20:14,130
Speaker 1: and have come out a lot stronger and a lot

1339
01:20:14,210 --> 01:20:17,930
Speaker 1: happier than I've ever been. And at this point, I

1340
01:20:17,970 --> 01:20:19,930
Speaker 1: just want to stay that way. I want to be single,

1341
01:20:20,050 --> 01:20:22,890
Speaker 1: I want to be independent. I'm not looking to meet anyone,

1342
01:20:23,370 --> 01:20:25,450
Speaker 1: and not because I don't want to go through it again.

1343
01:20:25,570 --> 01:20:29,250
Speaker 1: I just am happy on my own. There's no burden,

1344
01:20:29,330 --> 01:20:34,170
Speaker 1: there's no ill will, there's just nothingness. There's just me.

1345
01:20:34,290 --> 01:20:36,850
Speaker 1: That's really all I care about. Me, my friends, my family,

1346
01:20:37,530 --> 01:20:53,010
Speaker 1: and just nothing to do with him.

1347
01:20:53,210 --> 01:20:55,930
Speaker 2: Everyone has an X is a Minti Media production and

1348
01:20:56,050 --> 01:20:58,570
Speaker 2: proudly you're part of the Mum of MEA Network is

1349
01:20:58,610 --> 01:21:01,930
Speaker 2: written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by

1350
01:21:01,970 --> 01:21:02,690
Speaker 2: Linda Scott.

1351
01:21:03,010 --> 01:21:04,850
Speaker 1: If you have a story you'd like to share.

1352
01:21:04,730 --> 01:21:08,610
Speaker 2: Email podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can

1353
01:21:08,650 --> 01:21:11,170
Speaker 2: support us by following the show and your favorite podcast

1354
01:21:11,250 --> 01:21:14,130
Speaker 2: app and leaving a five star review. We'll see you

1355
01:21:14,210 --> 01:21:15,250
Speaker 2: for the next episode.