WEBVTT - Sophie Smith Lost Her Premature Triplets And Then Her Husband. This Is How She Kept Going 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:02.480 I used to pretend. Sometimes I'd sit down on the 0:00:02.480 --> 0:00:06.520 sofa with a cup of tea and I'd listen to 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:14.200 the silence, and I actually would pretend that Henry, Jasper 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:18.160 and Evan had just fallen asleep in the cot next door, 0:00:19.079 --> 0:00:22.520 and I was finally going to get just a few 0:00:22.600 --> 0:00:24.640 moments of peace before they woke up. 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:27.800 And that's why it was so quiet, And. 0:00:27.720 --> 0:00:29.840 That's why it was so quiet. An oh, a bit 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:30.520 of silence. 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:36.640 Hi. I'm kateline Brook, host of No Filter. My guest 0:00:36.680 --> 0:00:40.800 today is Sophie Smith. When Sophie and her husband Ash 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:44.720 discovered they were expecting triplets, they thought they were stepping 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:48.559 into the life they'd always dreamed of, becoming parents for 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:53.800 the very first time. Instead, after going into premature labor 0:00:53.920 --> 0:00:59.840 halfway through her pregnancy, Sophie found herself facing unimaginable heartbreak. 0:01:00.640 --> 0:01:04.559 Over the months that followed, she and Ash lost all 0:01:04.640 --> 0:01:09.080 three of their baby boys. In the years since, Sophie 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:14.440 has transformed that grief into something extraordinary, founding Running for 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.240 Premature Babies, a charity that has helped save the lives 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:23.840 of thousands of premature babies across Australia. Sophie and Ash 0:01:23.920 --> 0:01:28.120 later welcomed two more sons, Owen and Harvey, before tragedies 0:01:28.160 --> 0:01:31.560 struck their family once again when Ash was diagnosed with 0:01:31.600 --> 0:01:38.080 brain cancer and died. But somehow, despite all she has endured, 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:42.840 Sophie's story is not just one of loss. It's a 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:49.920 story about perseverance, about purpose, motherhood, hope, and about what 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.480 it means to keep going when life turns out nothing 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:58.840 like you expected. Mostly really, it's about love. This is 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:05.440 Sophie Smith. Sophie Smith, Welcome to No Filter. 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:06.680 Thank you, Keith. 0:02:07.640 --> 0:02:16.560 I'd like to preface our conversation by extending my regret 0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:19.600 at what has led us to be having this conversation. 0:02:20.600 --> 0:02:27.280 Thank you, the loss of four of your boys, your triplets, 0:02:28.560 --> 0:02:33.200 and of course your beloved husband, Ash. But what it 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:37.000 has led to for you is the publication of this 0:02:37.120 --> 0:02:48.080 book called Sophie's Boys. And it is such a discovery 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:55.880 and a revelation of grief and so searingly honest that 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:59.000 when I was finishing this book yesterday morning it was 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:02.880 probably about said thirty in the morning, I was absolutely howling. 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:10.200 It's quite a master work and a work of the soul. 0:03:10.600 --> 0:03:12.960 Thank you. I hope that you found that it was 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:15.880 also a story of hope over a story of despair. 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:20.080 And because that's what I see my story, as you 0:03:20.080 --> 0:03:24.760 know it's I would hope that it's uplifting rather than depressing. 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:28.359 Even though you know it's sad, there's still so much hope. 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:33.200 I think, well, you're living testament to that, really, because 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:38.640 people who have encountered loss, and if you live, you 0:03:38.680 --> 0:03:43.000 will lose, right, we know that about life. But for 0:03:43.120 --> 0:03:51.520 you to have encountered such devastating loss and repeatedly, and 0:03:51.560 --> 0:03:55.080 then to have not only picked yourself up, but to 0:03:55.160 --> 0:03:59.960 have picked up others around you is such a test 0:04:00.040 --> 0:04:03.800 stument to the human spirit and such a balm to 0:04:03.880 --> 0:04:04.840 the human spirit. 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:08.680 Thank you, I mean, you know, I feel like it's 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.080 actually helped me. I can't imagine how my life would 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:14.640 be if it hadn't been for you know, the charity 0:04:14.680 --> 0:04:18.400 that's come from my boys and the fact that I've 0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:20.520 been able to bring them with me on the journey 0:04:20.560 --> 0:04:24.120 of the last twenty years through running for Premature Babies. 0:04:24.520 --> 0:04:27.520 Yeah, so the charity is running for premature babies. And 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:33.719 you know about premature babies because in two thousand and six, 0:04:35.360 --> 0:04:42.440 so twenty years ago, you were pregnant with triplets. Tell 0:04:42.440 --> 0:04:46.280 me about how you came to that point to be 0:04:46.440 --> 0:04:50.000 expected three babies as your first baby. 0:04:50.800 --> 0:04:53.560 Yeah, it was just, oh, it was just so incredible 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:56.080 when Ash and I. I was recently married to Ash, 0:04:56.120 --> 0:05:00.160 and when we found out that we were pregnant with 0:05:00.200 --> 0:05:02.839 not one, not two, but three babies, it was really 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.919 such a spin out. I mean, we couldn't believe it, 0:05:06.960 --> 0:05:10.800 but we couldn't think of anything more wonderful. I remember 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:13.120 at the very first scan when we found out we 0:05:13.120 --> 0:05:15.200 were having three, and I mean, it was a huge shock, 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:19.039 but I remember when the sonographer was just measuring the 0:05:19.080 --> 0:05:20.880 three little ones in there, and one of them was 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:25.080 too small, and the sonographer said, oh, you know, there's three, 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:27.920 but come back in two weeks because this other little one, 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:30.679 you know, probably won't make it. And I remember walking 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:35.120 out of that room and Ash holding my hand and saying, 0:05:35.800 --> 0:05:39.200 Bobz's I really hope that little one makes it. And 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:41.320 I just thought that was so beautiful that right from 0:05:41.360 --> 0:05:44.480 the beginning we sort of loved them all. And when 0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:46.480 we went back two weeks later, the little one had 0:05:46.480 --> 0:05:49.719 caught up, and yeah, we continued on with the pregnancy. 0:05:49.800 --> 0:05:52.159 We were so excited. I used to love it when 0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:54.640 people would, you know, random strangers would see that I 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:57.920 was pregnant and say, oh, you know, congratulations, is it 0:05:57.960 --> 0:06:00.880 your first? And I used to absolutely love saying yeah, 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:05.080 it's my first. Three. We spent the next six months 0:06:05.400 --> 0:06:10.239 preparing for this instant family. We found a triplet buggy 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:13.479 which was so cute, and we got it home and 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:15.560 we assembled it and it sat in our hallway and 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:17.760 it was like these three little seats in a line 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:21.080 awaiting this precious cargo, and I couldn't wait to be 0:06:21.200 --> 0:06:24.919 pushing them around Centennial Park. And yeah, I just, you know, 0:06:25.000 --> 0:06:27.440 I didn't really I remember at the beginning, I didn't 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:31.560 really consider all the sort of logistics of the difficulties, 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.120 how difficult it would be to be a mother of 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.000 three babies. I just thought we were blessed. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:39.600 Well, that seem interesting because normally paper arre overwhelmed at 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:43.200 the prospect of having their first chart being a single 0:06:43.880 --> 0:06:46.520 and yet because you didn't know any other way to be. 0:06:47.400 --> 0:06:49.960 I think that's right. I think when I look back now, 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:54.400 sometimes I wonder how was I so blase about being 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:56.839 pregnant with three? But because I'd never been pregnant before, 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:58.880 you know, and once we got over the sort of 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.200 initial shock of the fact that we were having three babies. 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:03.000 We were just you know, we were all up for 0:07:03.040 --> 0:07:05.480 it and just super excited. 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:09.480 Because you've also got the spirit of an adventurer. I mean, 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:15.040 you came to our shores from the UK, you were 0:07:15.200 --> 0:07:20.679 born in Japan, you lived extensively as a child in Asia. 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:24.720 Then you came here as a teacher and you met 0:07:24.960 --> 0:07:28.000 you fell in love with one of our finest Ash. 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:28.760 I sure did. 0:07:29.440 --> 0:07:32.200 And what were you looking for at the time? Were 0:07:32.200 --> 0:07:34.120 you looking for adventure for us? 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.119 At the time I met Ash, I was just living 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.800 in the present, living in the moment, having a great time. 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:42.440 I was new to Sydney. I met Ash a week 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:44.840 before the Olympics, and we had our first date on 0:07:44.880 --> 0:07:47.280 the night of the opening ceremony of the Olympics, and 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.800 the city was a buzz And the next two weeks 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:54.040 was just like a whirlwind of you know, fun. As 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.480 you know, we met and we fell in love, and 0:07:56.520 --> 0:07:59.480 we were you know, Sydney was just on fire then 0:07:59.760 --> 0:08:02.240 and we were having a great time and and really 0:08:02.280 --> 0:08:06.480 we just we we just had a really great time together. 0:08:06.560 --> 0:08:10.239 And then we moved in together. And it was actually 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.760 five years later we finally got married and then we 0:08:12.760 --> 0:08:15.440 were like, right, let's let's do this, Let's have kids. 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:18.560 And so you were thirty five then, and you were like, 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:19.760 now's the time. 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:22.640 Yeah, I'm like, come on, let's get on with it. 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.840 I always wanted to have a big family. And you know, 0:08:25.920 --> 0:08:27.720 I love I love kids. And I was working as 0:08:27.720 --> 0:08:31.760 a primary school teacher at the time, and I yeah, 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:34.280 Ash and I were, and Ash was so excited as well. 0:08:34.320 --> 0:08:38.480 He was, Yeah, he was. He was a great dad. 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:43.439 His his for our boys were his pride and joy, 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.680 every all five of them. Well, it turned out. 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.000 In the in the book, and when you talk about 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:55.360 the progression of the pregnancies and when things started to 0:08:55.400 --> 0:09:00.720 go awry, Ash really proved himself to be a perfect 0:09:00.760 --> 0:09:03.559 partner for you and a perfect dad at that time 0:09:03.600 --> 0:09:08.800 as well. So your pregnancy was traveling in a pretty 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:15.880 uncomplicated manner until you were in a supermarket. You were 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:17.960 twenty one weeks. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:23.040 Pregnenty one weeks. Yeah, So yes, I was in the 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:29.480 supermarket one morning and I felt this sort of I thought, oh, 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:33.240 if I just wet myself, that's weird. I didn't really 0:09:34.280 --> 0:09:36.559 panic because I just thought, oh, it must be some 0:09:36.600 --> 0:09:40.120 weird pregnancy thing. I've just had some bladder leak. So 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:44.240 I carried on with my supermarket shop. And then as 0:09:44.280 --> 0:09:46.320 I was getting home and I was sort of carrying 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:48.760 my bags in, as I was walking up the stairs 0:09:48.760 --> 0:09:52.120 to the house, I suddenly felt this second sort of gush, 0:09:52.520 --> 0:09:56.920 much bigger than the first. And then I just thought, oh, 0:09:56.960 --> 0:10:00.040 that's really weird. But still, I because it was so 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:03.760 early on in the pregnancy, it wasn't. I didn't think 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:06.920 it was my water's breaking because I didn't really think 0:10:06.920 --> 0:10:09.400 that that happened twenty one weeks into your pregnancy. 0:10:09.600 --> 0:10:12.200 So I just read last week we've been pregnancies anymore. 0:10:12.280 --> 0:10:14.400 Yeah, I just thought it was something weird, you know it. 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:16.560 So I wasn't too worried. And I rang in the 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:18.400 hospital and they said, they'll just come up and we'll 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.440 we'll check you out. So Ash was at work. I 0:10:21.440 --> 0:10:24.040 don't think at that stage. Maybe I gave him a 0:10:24.040 --> 0:10:25.559 call and said, oh, don't worry, I'm just off to 0:10:25.600 --> 0:10:27.839 the hospital that's checking me out. And I got to 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:32.240 the hospital and they said, okay, we'll just test. By 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.520 this stage, there was more. There was actually more when 0:10:34.520 --> 0:10:36.760 I was starting to think, what the hell is going on. 0:10:37.600 --> 0:10:39.719 And then they said, we're just going to test see 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.200 what this is. And then they came back and I 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.520 remember the doctor coming in and taking my hands. I 0:10:45.559 --> 0:10:47.640 was on my own still because I hadn't called Ash up. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.840 He took my hand and he looked me in the 0:10:50.840 --> 0:10:54.320 eyes and he said, we've just confirmed that that is 0:10:54.320 --> 0:10:59.280 amniotic fluid. And this means that you will go into 0:10:59.360 --> 0:11:04.960 labor within the next twenty four hours and at twenty 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:09.480 one week's gestation, nothing can be done to save your babies. 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:11.400 They will all die. 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:13.079 And you were on your own. 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:18.080 I was on my own, and honestly, I can't even 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:22.560 I mean, there aren't even the words to describe the horror, 0:11:23.679 --> 0:11:30.719 the absolute horror. I remember when I was pregnant a 0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:34.680 few weeks earlier, Ash had, as a surprise, had signed 0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:38.199 me up to this magazine from America called The Triplet Connection, 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:43.079 and it was some triplet family magazine of triplet families, 0:11:43.080 --> 0:11:44.800 and anyway, this thing had arrived in the post and 0:11:44.840 --> 0:11:47.640 I'd ripped it open. I was so excited. I'm reading 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.920 about all these lovely triplet families. And then I got 0:11:50.960 --> 0:11:55.000 to this page in the magazine and it said in 0:11:55.160 --> 0:11:57.800 memory and There was a page where I was reading 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.679 about people who's who were pregnant with triplets and their 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:03.840 babies had died. And I sat there as I was 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:08.319 reading this page, and I wept for these women somewhere 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.520 in America who had lost whose babies had been born 0:12:11.559 --> 0:12:14.400 prematurely and they had died. And not for one second 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:18.440 had I thought, did I think at that stage, Oh, 0:12:18.559 --> 0:12:20.080 I hope that doesn't happen to me. It was just 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.440 somebody else's tragedy. And there was one story where I 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:26.280 read that somebody had had their three babies and one 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.520 had died at birth, one had died a few days later, 0:12:29.559 --> 0:12:31.960 and one had died a few days after that. And 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.920 I cried so many tears for this woman, and I 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:38.840 remember thinking, how did she survive? 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:41.400 I can't. 0:12:41.520 --> 0:12:44.280 I wouldn't survive if any you know, I couldn't. I 0:12:44.320 --> 0:12:47.840 wouldn't survive that. But I wasn't then scared for myself, 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.240 because that was just somebody else's story. In my story. 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:52.760 I was pregnant, I was fit, I was healthy, I 0:12:52.800 --> 0:12:55.560 was you know, I was so proud about being pregnant 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.560 with triplets. And I was off doing you know, I 0:12:57.640 --> 0:12:59.640 was working, and I was going to the supermarket, and 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:04.560 I was doing my thing, and in my mind, naive, 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:08.920 call me naive. I just thought, you know, I knew 0:13:08.920 --> 0:13:11.600 that the babies would be born prematurely. I've been worn. 0:13:11.679 --> 0:13:14.400 You know, you're having triplets born early. I thought that 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:16.880 just meant, you know, maybe five or six weeks early. 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:18.319 Maybe they'd have to spend a couple of weeks in 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:22.360 hospitals to fatten up. But this, you know, I never 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:26.120 considered that this was going to happen to me. And 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:30.120 so when I was told suddenly, it was like being 0:13:30.160 --> 0:13:33.200 hit by a truck. I was suddenly told, your babies 0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:36.360 are going to die. And I could I just remember. 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:40.760 I remember the doctor leaving the room, and I was 0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:44.800 on my own in just I mean, it was I 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:46.840 can't even there aren't even anyways to describe. And I 0:13:46.880 --> 0:13:50.320 rang ash and said you have to come quickly. Anyway, 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.280 they told us, you know, twenty four hours the babies 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:57.320 are coming. And then that didn't actually happen, and so 0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:01.920 we were kept in that thinking the livery suitet and 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:05.400 or maybe we were taken to the antenata ward. But anyway, 0:14:05.440 --> 0:14:07.720 they took us to some water, some bed somewhere and 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.920 said okay, you know, you'll start to have contractions at 0:14:11.920 --> 0:14:15.440 some stage. Anyway, that day came and went, and the 0:14:15.440 --> 0:14:18.080 next day came and went, and by this stage that 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:20.920 had stopped leaking as well. There was no more water 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:23.720 coming out, and so they took me for a scan 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:28.000 and that was also I remember. We went for this scan, 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.640 you know, in the department of the hospital, and there 0:14:31.680 --> 0:14:34.200 they were the three little babies on the screen of 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:36.240 the scan and you could see them. They each had 0:14:36.240 --> 0:14:39.400 their own sack. They weren't identified, so they each had 0:14:39.440 --> 0:14:42.000 which meant they were less complicated. It was less less 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.440 of a complicated pregnancy because the each had their own placenta, 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.120 they each had their own sack. And there they were, 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.760 these three little sweet little things kicking about in their sacks. 0:14:49.760 --> 0:14:55.080 And even Henry. We didn't Henry whose waters had broken. 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:59.240 He had somehow, I don't know, his bottom or his 0:14:59.280 --> 0:15:02.600 foot or something. It seemed to have plugged the hole. 0:15:03.240 --> 0:15:05.880 And so there was still a little bit of water 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:09.080 in his sack. And they told me that water is 0:15:09.120 --> 0:15:13.720 actually it will replenish because it's actually the baby's wi 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.120 I mean, it's not a very logical way to put it, 0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:18.480 but the baby weeze and that's what the water is 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:24.680 inside the sack. And I remember asking the doctor are saying, look, 0:15:24.720 --> 0:15:27.800 look at them, they're fine. They're all fine, Like, so 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:30.080 does this mean does this mean they're all going to 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:35.640 be okay? And the doctor looked in and looked really 0:15:35.680 --> 0:15:42.760 grim and he said, well, there's probably like a one 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:46.240 percent chance that they'll all be that, you know, you're 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:52.160 going to remain pregnant. And I think he thought I 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:54.960 was mad because for the last two days we were 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:56.880 told you are going to deliver these babies, they are 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:59.680 going to die. And suddenly somebody was telling me there 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:01.560 was one chance they were all going to be fine. 0:16:01.920 --> 0:16:05.560 Right, so you had one percent more than you had before. 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.920 We've got one percent. I'll take one percent. One percent. 0:16:09.120 --> 0:16:13.000 That's great, you know, yeah, let's let's do it. We'll 0:16:13.000 --> 0:16:17.800 be the one percent, thank you very much. And so 0:16:17.800 --> 0:16:21.200 so I just clung to that, you know that that 0:16:21.680 --> 0:16:27.640 But but that didn't happen, and five days later, my 0:16:27.720 --> 0:16:31.600 contraction started and we were wheeled back down to the 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:34.560 delivery suite and Henry was born. 0:16:35.360 --> 0:16:39.760 Little Henry, yeah, tiny, little Henry. 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:41.520 Yeah. 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:44.600 He was how heavy when he was born? 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:46.880 He was four hundred and fifty grams. 0:16:47.240 --> 0:16:47.680 He was a. 0:16:49.560 --> 0:16:57.280 Yeah, and he was born alive. And I was in 0:16:57.600 --> 0:17:02.240 great distress just before his birth. But Ash, he was 0:17:02.360 --> 0:17:06.480 just so wonderful because when Henry was born, Ash said 0:17:06.480 --> 0:17:09.320 to me, he's he's a like we didn't. We were 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:11.600 told that they probably he probably wouldn't be born alive, 0:17:12.320 --> 0:17:15.760 he probably wouldn't survive the birth, and Ash said, he's alive. 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:19.160 He actually even gave a tiny, tiny cry, like the 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:24.480 tiniest little little squeak, and they put him up on 0:17:24.520 --> 0:17:28.240 my chest and Ash said, we have to give him 0:17:28.240 --> 0:17:29.520 a good life. 0:17:30.320 --> 0:17:37.000 And even though he knew that that life was going 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:38.560 to be very short. 0:17:40.320 --> 0:17:44.000 So I'm so grateful for Ash for saying that, because 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:46.159 when he said we have to give him a good life, 0:17:46.920 --> 0:17:51.520 I suddenly realized, you know, he's here with us now, 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:55.840 this is his life. And we had one hour with him, 0:17:56.600 --> 0:17:59.760 one hour before he died, and in that hour I 0:17:59.800 --> 0:18:03.199 even and looking back actually over the lives of my 0:18:03.320 --> 0:18:10.639 three boys, I do feel like Henry's life was the 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:14.800 best life. He had the most all he spent his 0:18:14.920 --> 0:18:18.560 whole life in my arms, and all he knew was love. 0:18:19.280 --> 0:18:23.440 And we spent the hour talking to him and telling 0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:27.639 him how loved he was. I remember Ash holding me 0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:30.600 as I was holding Henry, and Ash said, I can't 0:18:30.640 --> 0:18:36.960 believe how much I love him. 0:18:34.560 --> 0:18:41.040 And yeah, when when you gave birth to Henry, was 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:45.280 that they did a cesarean? No, it was natural. I 0:18:45.520 --> 0:18:51.520 understand that the physiology of health. Yeah, works for you 0:18:51.760 --> 0:18:52.359 or for him. 0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:58.600 Yeah. So I gave birth to Henry. I actually didn't 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:02.399 even know. I don't know if it's too much information 0:19:02.560 --> 0:19:05.960 for your listeners, but I didn't even really know that 0:19:06.160 --> 0:19:08.240 he was so close to being born. I'd been in 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:11.840 labor for hours, but I didn't know. And I actually 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:13.440 thought that I needed to do a pooh when I 0:19:13.480 --> 0:19:15.720 went to the loo, and he was actually born when 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:18.159 I was on the loo, and it was it was 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:24.359 a horrible shock. But what happened was I gave birth 0:19:24.400 --> 0:19:28.399 to Henry, but my body did not birth his placenta right, 0:19:28.840 --> 0:19:34.480 and because his placenta hadn't, my labor stopped. Because after 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.600 Henry was born, I was told, oh, you know, we'll 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.639 just keep you here because obviously there's more babies coming. 0:19:41.240 --> 0:19:44.440 And then the labor just stopped, and so they moved 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.000 him back to Anti NATO at that stage and just said, look, 0:19:48.200 --> 0:19:53.159 we just got to wait. But at that stage it 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:56.480 was twenty one and a half weeks, and back in 0:19:56.480 --> 0:20:01.000 two thousand and six, babies born before twenty four weeks 0:20:01.640 --> 0:20:07.520 were not viable. Not viable, yes, exactly, and so we 0:20:07.520 --> 0:20:12.440 were told, it's very unlikely that your body is going 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:15.960 to hold on to your other two babies for another 0:20:16.000 --> 0:20:20.199 three and a half two and a half weeks, but 0:20:20.640 --> 0:20:22.920 we'll just it's just await. Then we just wait and see. 0:20:23.160 --> 0:20:25.639 And then I don't think anyone thought we would make 0:20:25.640 --> 0:20:28.120 it twenty four weeks. And then every day that passed, 0:20:29.280 --> 0:20:32.960 Ash and I sort of, you know, had our hopes grew. 0:20:33.560 --> 0:20:36.320 I was very high risk of getting an infection, and 0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:38.360 they told me if I had any sign of infection, 0:20:38.400 --> 0:20:40.600 they would just induced me because that would be dangerous 0:20:40.600 --> 0:20:44.960 of my life. And so the next two and a 0:20:45.000 --> 0:20:48.960 half weeks I just lay in bed rest on bed 0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:53.160 rest in hospital and I did not want to move. 0:20:54.200 --> 0:20:57.760 I remember, you know, even that I had to get 0:20:57.880 --> 0:20:59.800 up to go to the loo, and I was asking 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:01.920 the please, can't you just give me a catheter or something. 0:21:01.920 --> 0:21:03.200 I don't want to get up to go to the loo, 0:21:03.240 --> 0:21:05.400 and they said, no, that's a infection risk. We can't 0:21:05.440 --> 0:21:08.680 do that. You're fine to go to the loo. But then, 0:21:08.840 --> 0:21:12.000 you know, as I remember, as the days passed, the 0:21:12.080 --> 0:21:14.520 nurses were encouraging me to go in the wheelchair and 0:21:14.560 --> 0:21:16.959 just going go outside and get some fresh air, and 0:21:17.040 --> 0:21:19.120 I said, no, thanks, I don't want to go anywhere. 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:21.840 I don't want to I'm going to wait. I can't. 0:21:22.240 --> 0:21:24.640 I just have to make it to twenty four weeks. 0:21:25.000 --> 0:21:30.480 You were straddling too world scene because you'd had that 0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:37.320 heartbreaking loss, the one hour with Henry, with darling little Henry, 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:40.440 who is on the cover of your book, exactly. 0:21:41.280 --> 0:21:46.320 That it is. I'm so I'm so happy that Henry, 0:21:46.359 --> 0:21:48.600 that that photo was able to be on the cover 0:21:48.640 --> 0:21:49.160 of my book. 0:21:49.359 --> 0:21:56.160 Yeah, and yet as a mother, the rest of every 0:21:56.160 --> 0:22:01.720 ounce of your energy was going towards growing the two 0:22:01.800 --> 0:22:05.439 boys that were still inside you and getting them to 0:22:05.520 --> 0:22:09.520 that twenty four week period, which you did. Yeah, I. 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:16.640 Had to be after Henry. We kept Henry with us 0:22:16.640 --> 0:22:19.200 for about two days I think, and then we had 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:23.960 to say goodbye, which was really hard. But I remember 0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:28.360 thinking that the most important thing now was I've had 0:22:28.400 --> 0:22:31.560 to I had to keep had to look after Evan 0:22:31.600 --> 0:22:36.680 and Jasper, and I had to remain as calm as 0:22:36.720 --> 0:22:41.520 possible because I thought that if I was very distressed, 0:22:41.640 --> 0:22:43.719 I might, you know, even spike a fever and then 0:22:43.760 --> 0:22:45.760 they think I had an infection, then they'd be inducing. 0:22:45.880 --> 0:22:49.240 So I didn't want to even I didn't want to 0:22:49.280 --> 0:22:51.399 even be sad, because I just and I wanted to 0:22:51.480 --> 0:22:54.000 just be calm. And Ash was amazing. He did not 0:22:54.359 --> 0:22:57.400 leave the hospital. There was no bed for him, and 0:22:57.560 --> 0:23:02.800 he slept on the floor next to my bed for 0:23:03.280 --> 0:23:07.760 three weeks. He never even didn't ever leave the hospital 0:23:07.880 --> 0:23:10.440 because he also knew that if anything was to happen, 0:23:10.520 --> 0:23:13.080 he didn't want to miss, you know, the birth of 0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:15.840 his children. And he knew that I needed him, so 0:23:16.520 --> 0:23:18.520 he stayed with me, and actually we got into a 0:23:18.560 --> 0:23:21.800 little rhythm and we used to he used to read 0:23:21.840 --> 0:23:25.320 to me, and we'd play scrabble and we'd we'd just 0:23:25.680 --> 0:23:30.320 you know, hope and we and I think as we 0:23:30.400 --> 0:23:33.040 got closer to twenty four weeks, that was a scary 0:23:33.080 --> 0:23:36.879 time because I'd had a conversation with the neonatologists from 0:23:36.920 --> 0:23:39.560 the Naracy Attensive Care unit and they told me, you 0:23:39.720 --> 0:23:44.200 have to be twenty four weeks before we can consider 0:23:44.920 --> 0:23:47.920 you know, saving your babies. And as when I got 0:23:47.920 --> 0:23:50.720 to twenty three weeks, I was really scared because I 0:23:50.800 --> 0:23:53.879 kept thinking was so close, were so close if anything 0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:56.480 goes wrong before I'm twenty four weeks, you know, were 0:23:56.520 --> 0:24:01.000 going from zero, you know, no chance of survival to 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:03.520 twenty four weeks. They had told me that if I was, 0:24:03.600 --> 0:24:05.280 if my babies were born at twenty four weeks, they'd 0:24:05.280 --> 0:24:07.360 be a fifty percent chance of survival. Well, we made 0:24:07.359 --> 0:24:12.320 it to twenty four weeks, and on that day, we 0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:15.040 we just were so relieved. We were just like, yes, 0:24:15.119 --> 0:24:17.200 we're here. We've been twenty four weeks, so they're like, okay, 0:24:17.200 --> 0:24:19.520