WEBVTT - Parents Anonymous: The Macgyver Adult Diaper

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to another mia podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We

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<v Speaker 2>have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the

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<v Speaker 2>Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past

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<v Speaker 2>and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and

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<v Speaker 2>torres Rate Islander cultures.

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<v Speaker 3>Hi, it's Anale's todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing

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<v Speaker 3>hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across

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<v Speaker 3>the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos

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<v Speaker 3>and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather

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<v Speaker 3>warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.

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<v Speaker 3>Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You

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<v Speaker 3>share your deepest parenting shame and myself and Stacey Hicks

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<v Speaker 3>rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,

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<v Speaker 3>so really you can't lose, and if you want more,

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<v Speaker 3>there's a link in the show.

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<v Speaker 1>Enjoy Parents Anonymous.

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<v Speaker 3>Welcome to this Glorious Mess. I'm Annalise. I'm a single

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<v Speaker 3>parent to two boys who are tween aged, so I

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<v Speaker 3>secretly sniff other people's babies heads when their parents aren't looking.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that from you and I'm Stacy Kicks. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>the deputy editor here at MMA MIA, and I'm running

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<v Speaker 1>on about four hour sleep because my toddler has decided

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<v Speaker 1>that three am is a great time to party, which

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<v Speaker 1>was a great time for me to party before I

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<v Speaker 1>had her, Now not so much.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I still party until three am sometimes, I'm single.

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<v Speaker 3>Parents so cool. Yeah, welcome, Welcome back to Parents Anonymous,

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<v Speaker 3>brought to you by this glorious mess.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, and Parents Anonymous, as you'll know by now, is

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<v Speaker 1>part church confessional, part game show. So you tell us

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<v Speaker 1>a story completely anonymously, as the name suggests, and get

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<v Speaker 1>the guilt off your chest, and we give you made

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<v Speaker 1>up points based on our very serious, very scientific grading system.

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<v Speaker 1>And by very scientific and very serious, I mean vibes

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<v Speaker 1>and vibes alone.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a vibe check.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>We thought to get you in the mood for confessing

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<v Speaker 3>this week. We thought it's all very good and well

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<v Speaker 3>for us to sit up on our hell and rape

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<v Speaker 3>you and judge you from afar. But we actually haven't

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<v Speaker 3>spilt any of our own tea.

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<v Speaker 1>That's true. We haven't selfish. Yeah, we needed we need

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<v Speaker 1>to get down in the trenches. It's elitist I have

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<v Speaker 1>some really cooked ones, but I'm going to keep those

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<v Speaker 1>for another day. Well, I'm going to tell you some

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<v Speaker 1>of my little fun ones.

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<v Speaker 3>It'll dip your toe in.

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<v Speaker 1>I once spent one hundred and forty nine dollars on

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<v Speaker 1>a starting solids guide for my baby that I never

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<v Speaker 1>once used.

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<v Speaker 3>Is it plastic tubs? Is it a machine?

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<v Speaker 1>It was not even a real life book. It was

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<v Speaker 1>a e book, one hundred and forty nine dollars with

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<v Speaker 1>different recipes for mush, different ways to introduce allergens, different combinations.

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<v Speaker 3>I didn't use it once, like a bit of banana

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<v Speaker 3>in a bowl.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, all right, we're talking about wasting money. Yeah, so

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<v Speaker 3>do you still get the baby bonus when you have

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<v Speaker 3>a baby. This was like twelve years ago, so the

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<v Speaker 3>government gave and like I don't quote me, but it

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<v Speaker 3>might have been like four or five grand.

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<v Speaker 1>Wow. Yeah, I don't think you get that anymore.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh well, this was the good old, heady days of

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<v Speaker 3>the baby bonus. I think maybe k Ruj was in charge.

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<v Speaker 3>Thank you. I spent all of that on a very expensive,

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<v Speaker 3>obnoxious coffee table.

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<v Speaker 1>I love that you're about to be stuck at home

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<v Speaker 1>with a baby. You're going to be staring at that

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<v Speaker 1>coffee table.

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<v Speaker 3>You might as well like it aligned to proof. Yep,

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<v Speaker 3>And this show it just it doesn't exist without your

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<v Speaker 3>guilty confessions. So we want more of them. If you

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<v Speaker 3>want to be fully anonymous, you can just email us.

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<v Speaker 3>We'll never mention your name. Just have a look in

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<v Speaker 3>the show notes. All the confession options are there for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. And on today's show, we have three new mystery

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<v Speaker 1>confessions that we haven't heard, and they are screens as

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<v Speaker 1>co parents. Anywhere is a toilet? Yes, and out of sight,

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<v Speaker 1>out of mind, great, I can't wait, great time, let's

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<v Speaker 1>get into that bait.

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<v Speaker 3>You got me? Yeah, And so for them, these ones

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<v Speaker 3>stays just so that we could secure the an I

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<v Speaker 3>can't say anonymmity, how do you say? Love it?

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<v Speaker 2>No?

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<v Speaker 3>That was perfect anonominimity.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep, we'll roll with that.

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<v Speaker 3>That word. We're going to be reading these out.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, we're going to voice them for you.

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<v Speaker 3>It's like a sermon.

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<v Speaker 1>So, my four year old daughter watches about three hours

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<v Speaker 1>of TV a day, and I have no plans to

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<v Speaker 1>change this. The concept of limiting TV is not part

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<v Speaker 1>of my vocabulary. But maybe I'm the poster child for

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<v Speaker 1>bad parenting. My nine year old son watches TV and

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<v Speaker 1>plays video games for many hours a week. Adults say

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<v Speaker 1>bad words in front of him. He knows what beer is.

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<v Speaker 1>He doesn't drink it though, of course, and he doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>brush his teeth twice a day. Oh well, that wasn't

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<v Speaker 1>me saying, oh well, that was from the person who

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<v Speaker 1>submitted this one.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, this there's a lot to unpack here. So the

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<v Speaker 3>first one was the four year old and the TV.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, you know that there are guidelines from the government,

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<v Speaker 3>a strangy government about how much screen time I think

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<v Speaker 3>under five at zero hours now, I would say that

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<v Speaker 3>there would be zero point zero zero zero zero one

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<v Speaker 3>percent of the population that abides by that.

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<v Speaker 1>I agree with that. Yeah, absolutely, And look it does

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<v Speaker 1>when you are in the trenches, especially when they're around

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<v Speaker 1>this age, you need TV to help you. But you

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<v Speaker 1>do feel horrible when you're doing it, Like every time

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<v Speaker 1>you switch it on because you need a break or

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<v Speaker 1>they demand to watch another episode of Bluey. You do

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<v Speaker 1>feel bad putting them in front of a screen and thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>am I damaging their little mind? Is this appropriate content?

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe for the first child? The time when I second

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<v Speaker 1>came out it was the pepper pig era and he,

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<v Speaker 1>I swear to God, had a British accent. My daughter

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<v Speaker 1>has a little bit of a British accent. She does

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<v Speaker 1>ee Mummy, which is very cute. But we put on

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<v Speaker 1>bluey to you know, even out the accent, so that's

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<v Speaker 1>all fine.

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<v Speaker 3>The second thing there was the nine year old son YEP,

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<v Speaker 3>and video games and TV. Again I think for that

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<v Speaker 3>age bracket, I think it's about two hours a week.

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<v Speaker 1>But please, maybe there's also a guide on how much

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<v Speaker 1>chocolate I'm meant to eat a week, and I'm ignoring

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<v Speaker 1>that totally. So I'm actually with you on this.

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<v Speaker 3>Do you know on that I do have a parenting

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<v Speaker 3>strategy here. When my kids first went and discovered Fortnite,

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<v Speaker 3>I thought, oh, life is over. I think it was

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<v Speaker 3>school holidays. It just didn't coincide with a good time.

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<v Speaker 3>There was no limits. But you know what, they eventually

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<v Speaker 3>got sick of it. It was that binge until you

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<v Speaker 3>cannot consume no more. So maybe that this child is

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<v Speaker 3>on the path to that.

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<v Speaker 1>I do actually think sometimes that works. If you've got

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<v Speaker 1>an unlimited supply of something, you're not that interested in

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<v Speaker 1>it anymore because it's just there whenever you want it.

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<v Speaker 1>You're letting them make the decision. It's intuitive for them.

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<v Speaker 3>It's intuitive streaming, screen parenting. Yep.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so I actually think that's really great in that aspect.

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<v Speaker 1>So good on you.

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<v Speaker 3>Now the teeth, Oh look, I mean it is tricky

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<v Speaker 3>to get boys to brush their teeth. Yes, this is

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<v Speaker 3>the one thing that I would probably push for as

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<v Speaker 3>a parent with a child that has had a few feelings.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, it's a long term investment, isn't it. I hadn't

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<v Speaker 1>even thought of it.

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<v Speaker 3>You do the teeth brushing, I would say more just

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<v Speaker 3>for the saving of the ball ache of going to

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<v Speaker 3>the dentist and getting a filling. I would recommend pushing

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<v Speaker 3>a little harder on that particular one.

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<v Speaker 1>I think ones they've got their adult teeth, you know

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<v Speaker 1>what their baby teeth are gonna come out anyway.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, but nine you do have them, so you do? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>the grown up teeth.

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<v Speaker 1>Can you tell I've only got a three year old? Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I've got that.

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<v Speaker 3>Stay at least I'm here for you to show you

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<v Speaker 3>the air of your future.

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<v Speaker 1>Way, So what are we rating this one?

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<v Speaker 3>I think that this one, I just feel like she's

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<v Speaker 3>doing a great job. Yeah, there's a little room for improvement,

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<v Speaker 3>but you know, we can all improve. No one's nailing

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<v Speaker 3>every area of life parenting. No, I'm going to give

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<v Speaker 3>her eight fillings out of ten.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what I love about this and what the

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<v Speaker 1>absence of in this is there's no guilt. Yes, she's

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<v Speaker 1>not feeling bad. She's actually proud of herself for this,

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<v Speaker 1>and I love that. So for that, I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>give her a few extra points and she can have

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<v Speaker 1>eight and a half screens out of ten.

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<v Speaker 3>All right, moving on, anywhere is a toilet. I'm going

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<v Speaker 3>to read out this confession to protect the annominymity?

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<v Speaker 1>Are we going to change the name parents and an

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<v Speaker 1>anonymity in this?

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<v Speaker 3>Might learn how to say that work for next time.

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<v Speaker 3>I had a very colicky, unsettled baby, and when she

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<v Speaker 3>was about five months old, I had to drive with

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<v Speaker 3>her alone in the car for about an hour to

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<v Speaker 3>a specialist. I was terrified the whole time and so

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<v Speaker 3>frazzled getting everything organized that I forgot to pee. So

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<v Speaker 3>by the time I pulled up at the address, I

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<v Speaker 3>was busting, and that pelvic floor was not in top

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<v Speaker 3>shape anymore. I hadn't been able to stop on the

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<v Speaker 3>wave because, as anyone knows, if you stop even for

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<v Speaker 3>a second of the baby, they'll scream and you'll cry,

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<v Speaker 3>and it'll just be a total mess. So when I

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<v Speaker 3>pulled up, it was in a residential street. There were

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<v Speaker 3>no toilets around, and by that point the dam was

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<v Speaker 3>about to burn. I didn't know if the specialists had

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<v Speaker 3>a waiting room toilet or even where the entrance was,

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<v Speaker 3>so in a moment of desperation, I had to pull

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<v Speaker 3>out two of my daughter's nappies and just release right

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<v Speaker 3>there in the car. My poor baby had to stay

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<v Speaker 3>in the same nappy for four hours because I then

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<v Speaker 3>had to ration her for the rest of the day.

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<v Speaker 3>So let's unpack from the top. I want to hear

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<v Speaker 3>what you think of this first. A one hour drive

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<v Speaker 3>with a five month off is a ball ake, was brave.

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<v Speaker 3>There's points for bravery just in that mission alone. Your

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<v Speaker 3>pelvic floor will never be in good shape again.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's just sw You and I both know this well.

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<v Speaker 3>I am what last baby nine years postpartum LBL. It's

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<v Speaker 3>a lifelong condition.

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<v Speaker 1>It is. You and I cross our legs every time

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<v Speaker 1>we laugh at one another. We're doing it we're doing

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<v Speaker 1>it right now, just in case.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm actually I'm surprised that producer Grace doesn't put plastic

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<v Speaker 3>on our chairs. I called this, it's that dire, this

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<v Speaker 3>grab for nappies. It's a macguiva move.

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<v Speaker 1>It is it is.

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<v Speaker 3>It is quick thinking, it's protecting the car seats. And

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<v Speaker 3>I think if there had to be a choice between

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<v Speaker 3>mum being wet or a baby living in a wet

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<v Speaker 3>nappy for four hours, I definitely choose the baby.

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<v Speaker 1>An Alice, I'm going to say something, and I'm glad

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<v Speaker 1>you think all of these things because, in the spirit

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<v Speaker 1>of confessions, that is actually me. That was me you

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<v Speaker 1>I had to go in a nappy. I told you

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<v Speaker 1>I have a week pelvic floor.

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<v Speaker 3>You wat in the car into two nappy Look, because.

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<v Speaker 1>If I had questions much, ok, you can ask me

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<v Speaker 1>the answers. You can ask me while I was busting. Look,

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<v Speaker 1>it was desperate times. It was a bear grills macguy

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<v Speaker 1>iv a move.

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<v Speaker 3>That's what I said, mcgui.

0:11:13.650 --> 0:11:15.890
<v Speaker 1>I had no option. I had to go. It was

0:11:15.930 --> 0:11:17.970
<v Speaker 1>either there or in my tights on the side of

0:11:18.010 --> 0:11:18.370
<v Speaker 1>the street.

0:11:18.490 --> 0:11:22.050
<v Speaker 3>My first question is why did you two nappies? Because

0:11:22.410 --> 0:11:22.970
<v Speaker 3>because I.

0:11:23.010 --> 0:11:28.490
<v Speaker 1>Didn't know how much liquid they feel very heavy after

0:11:28.530 --> 0:11:31.250
<v Speaker 1>a full night and your baby in them, but I didn't.

0:11:31.290 --> 0:11:34.210
<v Speaker 1>I needed to have a second layer of protection in cave.

0:11:34.290 --> 0:11:38.490
<v Speaker 3>And then my other question is did anyone walk past? No?

0:11:38.730 --> 0:11:41.170
<v Speaker 1>Thank goodness, but it was. There was little old men

0:11:41.210 --> 0:11:43.330
<v Speaker 1>that walked past. Right before I got to this point.

0:11:43.370 --> 0:11:45.290
<v Speaker 1>As I was, I had a bit of a Sophie's

0:11:45.330 --> 0:11:47.370
<v Speaker 1>choice moment where I just didn't know what to do.

0:11:47.570 --> 0:11:49.690
<v Speaker 1>Like I was like, do I get the baby out?

0:11:50.290 --> 0:11:51.850
<v Speaker 1>Do I do this? I don't know what to do.

0:11:51.930 --> 0:11:56.090
<v Speaker 1>I was panicking, and so I went with this option. Oh,

0:11:56.370 --> 0:12:00.050
<v Speaker 1>I actually can't believe I've admitted this on a public podcast,

0:12:00.130 --> 0:12:04.050
<v Speaker 1>but here we are either I am thrilled. Well, look,

0:12:04.170 --> 0:12:06.130
<v Speaker 1>so what are you rating me? I'm raiding myself a

0:12:06.170 --> 0:12:06.770
<v Speaker 1>ten out of ten.

0:12:06.810 --> 0:12:11.890
<v Speaker 3>Obviously for the mcguiver like quick thinking that just alone

0:12:12.050 --> 0:12:16.770
<v Speaker 3>is impressive for sparing your car and your clothes, but

0:12:16.890 --> 0:12:22.850
<v Speaker 3>for the bravery of publicly share this, attaching a name

0:12:22.930 --> 0:12:26.450
<v Speaker 3>and a face and knowing how you know you actually

0:12:26.490 --> 0:12:28.810
<v Speaker 3>do get embarrassed in life. I do. For me to

0:12:28.930 --> 0:12:31.130
<v Speaker 3>admit this, it wouldn't be as brave, But for you,

0:12:32.290 --> 0:12:36.530
<v Speaker 3>I'm going eleven. Nappies out of all. Oh, thanks my

0:12:36.650 --> 0:12:37.330
<v Speaker 3>highest score.

0:12:37.450 --> 0:12:45.170
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think I deserve it.

0:12:45.170 --> 0:12:45.930
<v Speaker 1>It's a good sight.

0:12:46.130 --> 0:12:48.090
<v Speaker 3>Out of mind. Do the reading.

0:12:48.290 --> 0:12:52.970
<v Speaker 1>Here we go, Stacy. My fourth baby was a few

0:12:52.970 --> 0:12:56.850
<v Speaker 1>months old and still breastfeeding through the night. My husband

0:12:56.890 --> 0:12:58.850
<v Speaker 1>was into state for work when the four kids and

0:12:58.890 --> 0:13:02.170
<v Speaker 1>I all got a stomach bug. I had two year

0:13:02.210 --> 0:13:06.130
<v Speaker 1>old twins in nappies and the diarrhea was so runny

0:13:06.450 --> 0:13:10.130
<v Speaker 1>that no nappy could contain it. There was literal boo

0:13:10.250 --> 0:13:13.850
<v Speaker 1>buddles around the house, but I was so sick that

0:13:13.930 --> 0:13:15.850
<v Speaker 1>I just had to put a towel down on top

0:13:15.890 --> 0:13:18.850
<v Speaker 1>of the puddles and leave them for later. It was

0:13:18.970 --> 0:13:23.770
<v Speaker 1>absolutely foul. I'm convinced there is no possible sickness scenario

0:13:23.850 --> 0:13:24.410
<v Speaker 1>worse than this.

0:13:27.370 --> 0:13:29.330
<v Speaker 3>Two year old.

0:13:29.410 --> 0:13:33.250
<v Speaker 1>Twins and snappies and a stomach bug for all five

0:13:33.330 --> 0:13:33.850
<v Speaker 1>of them.

0:13:33.770 --> 0:13:35.130
<v Speaker 3>And your solo parenting.

0:13:35.330 --> 0:13:39.450
<v Speaker 1>Ah, look, you deserve a gold medal just for the

0:13:39.490 --> 0:13:42.650
<v Speaker 1>parenting of four well children. In my eyes, yes, on a.

0:13:42.610 --> 0:13:45.450
<v Speaker 3>Regular day without a Poonami, crist exactly.

0:13:45.490 --> 0:13:49.050
<v Speaker 1>That is an incredible feat. Minus the pooh puddles. Just

0:13:49.170 --> 0:13:52.450
<v Speaker 1>how you get through every day. This is awful. This

0:13:52.570 --> 0:13:54.770
<v Speaker 1>is one of those scenarios where you go. This has

0:13:54.810 --> 0:13:57.370
<v Speaker 1>to be a joke, like, this isn't my actual life.

0:13:57.410 --> 0:13:59.450
<v Speaker 3>And you know what the hardest thing is, there's no

0:13:59.490 --> 0:14:02.690
<v Speaker 3>one you can call it. No, you cannot invite another

0:14:02.970 --> 0:14:07.770
<v Speaker 3>human into that environment. No, there's pooh on the floor,

0:14:08.090 --> 0:14:10.250
<v Speaker 3>there's towels. I hope there wasn't dogs, because that just

0:14:10.250 --> 0:14:12.610
<v Speaker 3>would have added the dogs had been eating the pooh. Like,

0:14:12.650 --> 0:14:14.850
<v Speaker 3>I'm just hoping there wasn't a dog in that scenario.

0:14:15.250 --> 0:14:17.250
<v Speaker 1>This is pretty much as bad as it gets. But

0:14:18.090 --> 0:14:19.970
<v Speaker 1>I think you did exactly what you needed to do

0:14:20.010 --> 0:14:23.730
<v Speaker 1>in that moment and just get through it. Stick a

0:14:23.770 --> 0:14:25.850
<v Speaker 1>towel on top of it. Deal with it later, you

0:14:25.850 --> 0:14:28.330
<v Speaker 1>know how, Like you close the laundry door. Yeah, as

0:14:28.330 --> 0:14:30.490
<v Speaker 1>far as you're concerned, it's cleaning there, and you deal

0:14:30.530 --> 0:14:30.970
<v Speaker 1>with it later.

0:14:31.090 --> 0:14:33.770
<v Speaker 3>I'm hoping the towels wire put in the bin, not washed. Yeah,

0:14:34.010 --> 0:14:34.690
<v Speaker 3>just a small look.

0:14:34.690 --> 0:14:36.610
<v Speaker 1>But I hope you had a few good budget towels

0:14:36.650 --> 0:14:37.730
<v Speaker 1>on hand that you were ready to.

0:14:37.930 --> 0:14:39.690
<v Speaker 3>I don't want to put those in the washing machine.

0:14:39.930 --> 0:14:42.290
<v Speaker 3>That's just straight in the bin. Scoop it up in

0:14:42.370 --> 0:14:45.530
<v Speaker 3>the bin, Glen twenty, move on. Yeah, this is a

0:14:45.610 --> 0:14:48.410
<v Speaker 3>hurt locker. Yeah kind of scenario. This is a this

0:14:48.570 --> 0:14:49.050
<v Speaker 3>is war.

0:14:49.930 --> 0:14:54.130
<v Speaker 1>I think it's fabulous that you shared this, and so

0:14:55.090 --> 0:14:58.810
<v Speaker 1>I'm giving you nine and a half pooh puddles out

0:14:58.810 --> 0:15:00.410
<v Speaker 1>of ten. That's pretty bad.

0:15:00.450 --> 0:15:03.210
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to give you nine pounamis. Yeah, yeah, a

0:15:03.210 --> 0:15:07.090
<v Speaker 3>lot of strong finish. I still think that anywhere is

0:15:07.130 --> 0:15:11.610
<v Speaker 3>a toilet, which was the theme of your overshare which

0:15:11.650 --> 0:15:15.290
<v Speaker 3>I read out, which I will never forget as long

0:15:15.330 --> 0:15:18.050
<v Speaker 3>as I live. I think that you are the winner

0:15:18.090 --> 0:15:22.290
<v Speaker 3>of today. I can't wait to tell everyone about this

0:15:22.410 --> 0:15:23.890
<v Speaker 3>at work and for everyone to hear it.

0:15:24.090 --> 0:15:26.450
<v Speaker 1>So if you've got a confession, we'd love to hear it.

0:15:26.530 --> 0:15:29.450
<v Speaker 1>Please send us your secret chains. All the details are

0:15:29.450 --> 0:15:31.610
<v Speaker 1>in the show notes, and I promise you they are

0:15:31.690 --> 0:15:34.730
<v Speaker 1>so anonymous that producer Grace didn't even know that that

0:15:34.770 --> 0:15:37.330
<v Speaker 1>one was mine, so really didn't know.

0:15:37.810 --> 0:15:38.530
<v Speaker 3>No one knew.

0:15:38.730 --> 0:15:40.930
<v Speaker 1>You are completely anonymous. It doesn't even show up your

0:15:40.970 --> 0:15:42.610
<v Speaker 1>emails and not send them on through.

0:15:42.610 --> 0:15:47.970
<v Speaker 3>A nonminimity guarantee guarantee Indeed, we'll see you next scene,

0:15:47.970 --> 0:15:52.810
<v Speaker 3>next time. If you're looking for something else to listen to,

0:15:53.210 --> 0:15:57.330
<v Speaker 3>Mama Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer

0:15:57.410 --> 0:16:03.250
<v Speaker 3>listens from Meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.

0:16:03.570 --> 0:16:04.850
<v Speaker 3>There's a link in the show notes