Speaker 1: You're listening to another mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mumma Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of the land. We
Speaker 2: have recorded this podcast on the Gadigul people of the
Speaker 2: Eor nation. We pay our respects to their elders past
Speaker 2: and present, and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 2: torres Rate Islander cultures.
Speaker 3: Hi, it's Anale's todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing
Speaker 3: hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
Speaker 3: the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
Speaker 3: and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
Speaker 3: warming up. We've got episodes of Parents Anonymous to share.
Speaker 3: Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
Speaker 3: share your deepest parenting shame and myself and Stacey Hicks
Speaker 3: rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
Speaker 3: so really you can't lose, and if you want more,
Speaker 3: there's a link in the show.
Speaker 1: Enjoy Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 3: Welcome to this Glorious Mess. I'm Annalise. I'm a single
Speaker 3: parent to two boys who are tween aged, so I
Speaker 3: secretly sniff other people's babies heads when their parents aren't looking.
Speaker 1: I love that from you and I'm Stacy Kicks. I'm
Speaker 1: the deputy editor here at MMA MIA, and I'm running
Speaker 1: on about four hour sleep because my toddler has decided
Speaker 1: that three am is a great time to party, which
Speaker 1: was a great time for me to party before I
Speaker 1: had her, Now not so much.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I still party until three am sometimes, I'm single.
Speaker 3: Parents so cool. Yeah, welcome, Welcome back to Parents Anonymous,
Speaker 3: brought to you by this glorious mess.
Speaker 1: Yes, and Parents Anonymous, as you'll know by now, is
Speaker 1: part church confessional, part game show. So you tell us
Speaker 1: a story completely anonymously, as the name suggests, and get
Speaker 1: the guilt off your chest, and we give you made
Speaker 1: up points based on our very serious, very scientific grading system.
Speaker 1: And by very scientific and very serious, I mean vibes
Speaker 1: and vibes alone.
Speaker 3: It's a vibe check.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: We thought to get you in the mood for confessing
Speaker 3: this week. We thought it's all very good and well
Speaker 3: for us to sit up on our hell and rape
Speaker 3: you and judge you from afar. But we actually haven't
Speaker 3: spilt any of our own tea.
Speaker 1: That's true. We haven't selfish. Yeah, we needed we need
Speaker 1: to get down in the trenches. It's elitist I have
Speaker 1: some really cooked ones, but I'm going to keep those
Speaker 1: for another day. Well, I'm going to tell you some
Speaker 1: of my little fun ones.
Speaker 3: It'll dip your toe in.
Speaker 1: I once spent one hundred and forty nine dollars on
Speaker 1: a starting solids guide for my baby that I never
Speaker 1: once used.
Speaker 3: Is it plastic tubs? Is it a machine?
Speaker 1: It was not even a real life book. It was
Speaker 1: a e book, one hundred and forty nine dollars with
Speaker 1: different recipes for mush, different ways to introduce allergens, different combinations.
Speaker 3: I didn't use it once, like a bit of banana
Speaker 3: in a bowl.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, we're talking about wasting money. Yeah, so
Speaker 3: do you still get the baby bonus when you have
Speaker 3: a baby. This was like twelve years ago, so the
Speaker 3: government gave and like I don't quote me, but it
Speaker 3: might have been like four or five grand.
Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, I don't think you get that anymore.
Speaker 3: Oh well, this was the good old, heady days of
Speaker 3: the baby bonus. I think maybe k Ruj was in charge.
Speaker 3: Thank you. I spent all of that on a very expensive,
Speaker 3: obnoxious coffee table.
Speaker 1: I love that you're about to be stuck at home
Speaker 1: with a baby. You're going to be staring at that
Speaker 1: coffee table.
Speaker 3: You might as well like it aligned to proof. Yep,
Speaker 3: And this show it just it doesn't exist without your
Speaker 3: guilty confessions. So we want more of them. If you
Speaker 3: want to be fully anonymous, you can just email us.
Speaker 3: We'll never mention your name. Just have a look in
Speaker 3: the show notes. All the confession options are there for you.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And on today's show, we have three new mystery
Speaker 1: confessions that we haven't heard, and they are screens as
Speaker 1: co parents. Anywhere is a toilet? Yes, and out of sight,
Speaker 1: out of mind, great, I can't wait, great time, let's
Speaker 1: get into that bait.
Speaker 3: You got me? Yeah, And so for them, these ones
Speaker 3: stays just so that we could secure the an I
Speaker 3: can't say anonymmity, how do you say? Love it?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: That was perfect anonominimity.
Speaker 1: Yep, we'll roll with that.
Speaker 3: That word. We're going to be reading these out.
Speaker 1: Yes, we're going to voice them for you.
Speaker 3: It's like a sermon.
Speaker 1: So, my four year old daughter watches about three hours
Speaker 1: of TV a day, and I have no plans to
Speaker 1: change this. The concept of limiting TV is not part
Speaker 1: of my vocabulary. But maybe I'm the poster child for
Speaker 1: bad parenting. My nine year old son watches TV and
Speaker 1: plays video games for many hours a week. Adults say
Speaker 1: bad words in front of him. He knows what beer is.
Speaker 1: He doesn't drink it though, of course, and he doesn't
Speaker 1: brush his teeth twice a day. Oh well, that wasn't
Speaker 1: me saying, oh well, that was from the person who
Speaker 1: submitted this one.
Speaker 3: Okay, this there's a lot to unpack here. So the
Speaker 3: first one was the four year old and the TV.
Speaker 3: I mean, you know that there are guidelines from the government,
Speaker 3: a strangy government about how much screen time I think
Speaker 3: under five at zero hours now, I would say that
Speaker 3: there would be zero point zero zero zero zero one
Speaker 3: percent of the population that abides by that.
Speaker 1: I agree with that. Yeah, absolutely, And look it does
Speaker 1: when you are in the trenches, especially when they're around
Speaker 1: this age, you need TV to help you. But you
Speaker 1: do feel horrible when you're doing it, Like every time
Speaker 1: you switch it on because you need a break or
Speaker 1: they demand to watch another episode of Bluey. You do
Speaker 1: feel bad putting them in front of a screen and thinking,
Speaker 1: am I damaging their little mind? Is this appropriate content?
Speaker 1: Maybe for the first child? The time when I second
Speaker 1: came out it was the pepper pig era and he,
Speaker 1: I swear to God, had a British accent. My daughter
Speaker 1: has a little bit of a British accent. She does
Speaker 1: ee Mummy, which is very cute. But we put on
Speaker 1: bluey to you know, even out the accent, so that's
Speaker 1: all fine.
Speaker 3: The second thing there was the nine year old son YEP,
Speaker 3: and video games and TV. Again I think for that
Speaker 3: age bracket, I think it's about two hours a week.
Speaker 1: But please, maybe there's also a guide on how much
Speaker 1: chocolate I'm meant to eat a week, and I'm ignoring
Speaker 1: that totally. So I'm actually with you on this.
Speaker 3: Do you know on that I do have a parenting
Speaker 3: strategy here. When my kids first went and discovered Fortnite,
Speaker 3: I thought, oh, life is over. I think it was
Speaker 3: school holidays. It just didn't coincide with a good time.
Speaker 3: There was no limits. But you know what, they eventually
Speaker 3: got sick of it. It was that binge until you
Speaker 3: cannot consume no more. So maybe that this child is
Speaker 3: on the path to that.
Speaker 1: I do actually think sometimes that works. If you've got
Speaker 1: an unlimited supply of something, you're not that interested in
Speaker 1: it anymore because it's just there whenever you want it.
Speaker 1: You're letting them make the decision. It's intuitive for them.
Speaker 3: It's intuitive streaming, screen parenting. Yep.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I actually think that's really great in that aspect.
Speaker 1: So good on you.
Speaker 3: Now the teeth, Oh look, I mean it is tricky
Speaker 3: to get boys to brush their teeth. Yes, this is
Speaker 3: the one thing that I would probably push for as
Speaker 3: a parent with a child that has had a few feelings.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's a long term investment, isn't it. I hadn't
Speaker 1: even thought of it.
Speaker 3: You do the teeth brushing, I would say more just
Speaker 3: for the saving of the ball ache of going to
Speaker 3: the dentist and getting a filling. I would recommend pushing
Speaker 3: a little harder on that particular one.
Speaker 1: I think ones they've got their adult teeth, you know
Speaker 1: what their baby teeth are gonna come out anyway.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but nine you do have them, so you do? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: the grown up teeth.
Speaker 1: Can you tell I've only got a three year old? Yes,
Speaker 1: I've got that.
Speaker 3: Stay at least I'm here for you to show you
Speaker 3: the air of your future.
Speaker 1: Way, So what are we rating this one?
Speaker 3: I think that this one, I just feel like she's
Speaker 3: doing a great job. Yeah, there's a little room for improvement,
Speaker 3: but you know, we can all improve. No one's nailing
Speaker 3: every area of life parenting. No, I'm going to give
Speaker 3: her eight fillings out of ten.
Speaker 1: You know what I love about this and what the
Speaker 1: absence of in this is there's no guilt. Yes, she's
Speaker 1: not feeling bad. She's actually proud of herself for this,
Speaker 1: and I love that. So for that, I'm going to
Speaker 1: give her a few extra points and she can have
Speaker 1: eight and a half screens out of ten.
Speaker 3: All right, moving on, anywhere is a toilet. I'm going
Speaker 3: to read out this confession to protect the annominymity?
Speaker 1: Are we going to change the name parents and an
Speaker 1: anonymity in this?
Speaker 3: Might learn how to say that work for next time.
Speaker 3: I had a very colicky, unsettled baby, and when she
Speaker 3: was about five months old, I had to drive with
Speaker 3: her alone in the car for about an hour to
Speaker 3: a specialist. I was terrified the whole time and so
Speaker 3: frazzled getting everything organized that I forgot to pee. So
Speaker 3: by the time I pulled up at the address, I
Speaker 3: was busting, and that pelvic floor was not in top
Speaker 3: shape anymore. I hadn't been able to stop on the
Speaker 3: wave because, as anyone knows, if you stop even for
Speaker 3: a second of the baby, they'll scream and you'll cry,
Speaker 3: and it'll just be a total mess. So when I
Speaker 3: pulled up, it was in a residential street. There were
Speaker 3: no toilets around, and by that point the dam was
Speaker 3: about to burn. I didn't know if the specialists had
Speaker 3: a waiting room toilet or even where the entrance was,
Speaker 3: so in a moment of desperation, I had to pull
Speaker 3: out two of my daughter's nappies and just release right
Speaker 3: there in the car. My poor baby had to stay
Speaker 3: in the same nappy for four hours because I then
Speaker 3: had to ration her for the rest of the day.
Speaker 3: So let's unpack from the top. I want to hear
Speaker 3: what you think of this first. A one hour drive
Speaker 3: with a five month off is a ball ake, was brave.
Speaker 3: There's points for bravery just in that mission alone. Your
Speaker 3: pelvic floor will never be in good shape again.
Speaker 1: Let's just sw You and I both know this well.
Speaker 3: I am what last baby nine years postpartum LBL. It's
Speaker 3: a lifelong condition.
Speaker 1: It is. You and I cross our legs every time
Speaker 1: we laugh at one another. We're doing it we're doing
Speaker 1: it right now, just in case.
Speaker 3: I'm actually I'm surprised that producer Grace doesn't put plastic
Speaker 3: on our chairs. I called this, it's that dire, this
Speaker 3: grab for nappies. It's a macguiva move.
Speaker 1: It is it is.
Speaker 3: It is quick thinking, it's protecting the car seats. And
Speaker 3: I think if there had to be a choice between
Speaker 3: mum being wet or a baby living in a wet
Speaker 3: nappy for four hours, I definitely choose the baby.
Speaker 1: An Alice, I'm going to say something, and I'm glad
Speaker 1: you think all of these things because, in the spirit
Speaker 1: of confessions, that is actually me. That was me you
Speaker 1: I had to go in a nappy. I told you
Speaker 1: I have a week pelvic floor.
Speaker 3: You wat in the car into two nappy Look, because.
Speaker 1: If I had questions much, ok, you can ask me
Speaker 1: the answers. You can ask me while I was busting. Look,
Speaker 1: it was desperate times. It was a bear grills macguy
Speaker 1: iv a move.
Speaker 3: That's what I said, mcgui.
Speaker 1: I had no option. I had to go. It was
Speaker 1: either there or in my tights on the side of
Speaker 1: the street.
Speaker 3: My first question is why did you two nappies? Because
Speaker 3: because I.
Speaker 1: Didn't know how much liquid they feel very heavy after
Speaker 1: a full night and your baby in them, but I didn't.
Speaker 1: I needed to have a second layer of protection in cave.
Speaker 3: And then my other question is did anyone walk past? No?
Speaker 1: Thank goodness, but it was. There was little old men
Speaker 1: that walked past. Right before I got to this point.
Speaker 1: As I was, I had a bit of a Sophie's
Speaker 1: choice moment where I just didn't know what to do.
Speaker 1: Like I was like, do I get the baby out?
Speaker 1: Do I do this? I don't know what to do.
Speaker 1: I was panicking, and so I went with this option. Oh,
Speaker 1: I actually can't believe I've admitted this on a public podcast,
Speaker 1: but here we are either I am thrilled. Well, look,
Speaker 1: so what are you rating me? I'm raiding myself a
Speaker 1: ten out of ten.
Speaker 3: Obviously for the mcguiver like quick thinking that just alone
Speaker 3: is impressive for sparing your car and your clothes, but
Speaker 3: for the bravery of publicly share this, attaching a name
Speaker 3: and a face and knowing how you know you actually
Speaker 3: do get embarrassed in life. I do. For me to
Speaker 3: admit this, it wouldn't be as brave, But for you,
Speaker 3: I'm going eleven. Nappies out of all. Oh, thanks my
Speaker 3: highest score.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you. I think I deserve it.
Speaker 1: It's a good sight.
Speaker 3: Out of mind. Do the reading.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Stacy. My fourth baby was a few
Speaker 1: months old and still breastfeeding through the night. My husband
Speaker 1: was into state for work when the four kids and
Speaker 1: I all got a stomach bug. I had two year
Speaker 1: old twins in nappies and the diarrhea was so runny
Speaker 1: that no nappy could contain it. There was literal boo
Speaker 1: buddles around the house, but I was so sick that
Speaker 1: I just had to put a towel down on top
Speaker 1: of the puddles and leave them for later. It was
Speaker 1: absolutely foul. I'm convinced there is no possible sickness scenario
Speaker 1: worse than this.
Speaker 3: Two year old.
Speaker 1: Twins and snappies and a stomach bug for all five
Speaker 1: of them.
Speaker 3: And your solo parenting.
Speaker 1: Ah, look, you deserve a gold medal just for the
Speaker 1: parenting of four well children. In my eyes, yes, on a.
Speaker 3: Regular day without a Poonami, crist exactly.
Speaker 1: That is an incredible feat. Minus the pooh puddles. Just
Speaker 1: how you get through every day. This is awful. This
Speaker 1: is one of those scenarios where you go. This has
Speaker 1: to be a joke, like, this isn't my actual life.
Speaker 3: And you know what the hardest thing is, there's no
Speaker 3: one you can call it. No, you cannot invite another
Speaker 3: human into that environment. No, there's pooh on the floor,
Speaker 3: there's towels. I hope there wasn't dogs, because that just
Speaker 3: would have added the dogs had been eating the pooh. Like,
Speaker 3: I'm just hoping there wasn't a dog in that scenario.
Speaker 1: This is pretty much as bad as it gets. But
Speaker 1: I think you did exactly what you needed to do
Speaker 1: in that moment and just get through it. Stick a
Speaker 1: towel on top of it. Deal with it later, you
Speaker 1: know how, Like you close the laundry door. Yeah, as
Speaker 1: far as you're concerned, it's cleaning there, and you deal
Speaker 1: with it later.
Speaker 3: I'm hoping the towels wire put in the bin, not washed. Yeah,
Speaker 3: just a small look.
Speaker 1: But I hope you had a few good budget towels
Speaker 1: on hand that you were ready to.
Speaker 3: I don't want to put those in the washing machine.
Speaker 3: That's just straight in the bin. Scoop it up in
Speaker 3: the bin, Glen twenty, move on. Yeah, this is a
Speaker 3: hurt locker. Yeah kind of scenario. This is a this
Speaker 3: is war.
Speaker 1: I think it's fabulous that you shared this, and so
Speaker 1: I'm giving you nine and a half pooh puddles out
Speaker 1: of ten. That's pretty bad.
Speaker 3: I'm going to give you nine pounamis. Yeah, yeah, a
Speaker 3: lot of strong finish. I still think that anywhere is
Speaker 3: a toilet, which was the theme of your overshare which
Speaker 3: I read out, which I will never forget as long
Speaker 3: as I live. I think that you are the winner
Speaker 3: of today. I can't wait to tell everyone about this
Speaker 3: at work and for everyone to hear it.
Speaker 1: So if you've got a confession, we'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1: Please send us your secret chains. All the details are
Speaker 1: in the show notes, and I promise you they are
Speaker 1: so anonymous that producer Grace didn't even know that that
Speaker 1: one was mine, so really didn't know.
Speaker 3: No one knew.
Speaker 1: You are completely anonymous. It doesn't even show up your
Speaker 1: emails and not send them on through.
Speaker 3: A nonminimity guarantee guarantee Indeed, we'll see you next scene,
Speaker 3: next time. If you're looking for something else to listen to,
Speaker 3: Mama Miya is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer
Speaker 3: listens from Meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
Speaker 3: There's a link in the show notes