WEBVTT - How We Navigate Our Threesome 0:00:10.327 --> 0:00:13.047 You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mamma Mere acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.807 --> 0:00:19.607 that this podcast is recorded on out louders. 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It's Jesse and I have a question. 0:00:54.727 --> 0:00:56.727 It's a very important question and I think it's one 0:00:56.847 --> 0:01:00.247 you can help me with. How do you navigate your friendships? 0:01:00.287 --> 0:01:02.847 How do you organize your catch ups? And what do 0:01:02.887 --> 0:01:05.407 you do when there are three or more of you? 0:01:05.727 --> 0:01:08.607 Which brings me to today's little treat from Hot Pod 0:01:08.647 --> 0:01:12.687 summer subscriber episode from last year that's all about friendship 0:01:12.887 --> 0:01:16.047 and the particular threesome, a thrapple if you will, that 0:01:16.167 --> 0:01:20.247 I share with my fellow out loud hosts Holly and 0:01:20.487 --> 0:01:24.007 the other one. We're dropping new subscriber episodes over hot 0:01:24.047 --> 0:01:26.447 pod summer, so it's a great time to do yourself 0:01:26.487 --> 0:01:29.247 a favor and start the new year right by becoming 0:01:29.287 --> 0:01:32.567 a subscriber. Sound fun Well, you can find a link 0:01:32.607 --> 0:01:39.727 in the show notes if you fancy joining us. Enjoy 0:01:43.367 --> 0:01:43.767 you got. 0:01:43.647 --> 0:01:46.567 A little bit of a dilemma. There quite a dilemma, 0:01:48.887 --> 0:01:51.727 our louders. We are kicking off with a dilemma for 0:01:51.807 --> 0:01:54.767 you today. It's one that's quite close to home, actually 0:01:54.887 --> 0:01:55.807 very relevant to us. 0:01:55.847 --> 0:01:57.367 It is I didn't write it this time in there 0:01:57.367 --> 0:01:59.927 and no vibrators or are there? 0:02:00.687 --> 0:02:02.727 Actually maybe a vibrator could be a little gift that 0:02:02.767 --> 0:02:05.647 make our out louder feel better. Let's see, she writes, 0:02:05.767 --> 0:02:08.407 I have two best friends. We met at work in 0:02:08.407 --> 0:02:11.287 our twenties. We are all now in our early forties, 0:02:11.327 --> 0:02:14.287 and our friendship has survived all kinds of things, kids 0:02:14.327 --> 0:02:17.207 and breakups and stints living overseas. We see each other 0:02:17.287 --> 0:02:19.247 as much as we can, although we live in different 0:02:19.247 --> 0:02:22.727 places and have busy lives. But once a year, every year, 0:02:22.767 --> 0:02:24.807 we try to go away for a girl's weekend, just 0:02:24.807 --> 0:02:27.407 the three of us. We all love it. I think 0:02:27.487 --> 0:02:31.247 our friendships with each other and together are different but unique. 0:02:31.327 --> 0:02:34.607 This year, I can't go on the girl's weekend. I've 0:02:34.687 --> 0:02:37.647 started a new job that requires me to work weekends sometimes, 0:02:37.727 --> 0:02:39.487 and my family has been through a few things that 0:02:39.527 --> 0:02:41.727 make it hard for me to get away. I guess 0:02:41.807 --> 0:02:43.887 I thought when we worked out that there wasn't a 0:02:43.967 --> 0:02:46.007 date this side of Christmas that we could all do, 0:02:46.407 --> 0:02:48.967 that we wouldn't go. But I've just been told that 0:02:48.967 --> 0:02:52.407 the girls are going just without me. I'm so upset, 0:02:53.087 --> 0:02:56.487 and I'm also so upset with myself for being upset. 0:02:56.727 --> 0:02:59.047 I know we're not schoolgirls. I know they love me, 0:02:59.127 --> 0:03:01.247 but the idea of them going off without me has 0:03:01.327 --> 0:03:05.367 literally really knocked me around. Am I being unreasonable? 0:03:05.887 --> 0:03:06.007 No? 0:03:07.007 --> 0:03:07.367 Really? 0:03:07.567 --> 0:03:09.367 You don't think she's being no because it's not a 0:03:09.447 --> 0:03:11.607 girl's trip. Then it's just like date night? 0:03:11.887 --> 0:03:13.087 And is that not allowed? 0:03:13.367 --> 0:03:17.047 Well? I think if there was a tradition, I mean, Holly, 0:03:17.327 --> 0:03:19.847 you go on a girl's trip every year that we 0:03:19.887 --> 0:03:22.367 are all heavily invested in. All the out Louder is 0:03:22.727 --> 0:03:25.287 your annual Byron girls trip and every time you go, 0:03:25.327 --> 0:03:27.607 I'm like, has that come around again? And it's a 0:03:27.807 --> 0:03:30.087 recent situation, right it is. 0:03:30.207 --> 0:03:32.927 When I read this, obviously, I was like, ah, because 0:03:32.927 --> 0:03:35.287 that is my life to a point. So how would 0:03:35.287 --> 0:03:37.927 you feel. I don't think I would expect them not 0:03:38.087 --> 0:03:40.927 to go. I don't think I would expect that because 0:03:41.007 --> 0:03:43.567 I have to miss out on the fund that everyone 0:03:43.687 --> 0:03:44.327 has to miss. 0:03:44.167 --> 0:03:46.367 Out, and I would feel worse if they didn't go. 0:03:46.607 --> 0:03:48.487 Do you know that feel worse? I would have no 0:03:48.647 --> 0:03:50.687 issue with this whatsoever. I have friends where we go 0:03:50.767 --> 0:03:52.527 away for the weekend or we go to a holiday 0:03:52.567 --> 0:03:56.807 house or whatever. In fact, this happened recently where we 0:03:56.847 --> 0:03:58.407 are meant to go and visit a friend on the 0:03:58.447 --> 0:04:01.287 other side of the country. I couldn't go, and my 0:04:01.407 --> 0:04:05.887 other best mate went and visited him. I'm very competitive 0:04:05.887 --> 0:04:07.727 in some elements of my life, but when it comes 0:04:07.767 --> 0:04:10.687 to friendship, I do not understand. I do not understand 0:04:11.407 --> 0:04:13.527 how territorial some people get. 0:04:13.687 --> 0:04:16.687 I am looking at from the point of view of 0:04:16.727 --> 0:04:19.687 the two people who go away, right, Yeah, I would 0:04:19.727 --> 0:04:23.127 not want to go away without the third because the 0:04:23.287 --> 0:04:24.767 entity is the three. 0:04:25.487 --> 0:04:28.887 The entity is not the two, yeah, but the entity 0:04:29.007 --> 0:04:32.007 is also I mean, I'm speaking for my girl's weekend. 0:04:32.167 --> 0:04:32.367 Right. 0:04:33.247 --> 0:04:35.967 We all love going because it's a little holiday from 0:04:35.967 --> 0:04:37.847 our lives and we get to hang out three of us, 0:04:37.847 --> 0:04:40.207 which is very important, and we've got very good rhythm 0:04:40.207 --> 0:04:41.967 and dynamic, and we let each other do our things 0:04:41.967 --> 0:04:45.407 and stuff. But also we all just love going. And 0:04:45.447 --> 0:04:48.327 so the idea that they wouldn't go and they don't 0:04:48.327 --> 0:04:50.127 get to do those things and aloud the beach and 0:04:50.207 --> 0:04:52.087 drink cocktails and go out for dinner and stuff because 0:04:52.087 --> 0:04:55.847 of me, I would hate that. I think that my friends. 0:04:55.927 --> 0:04:59.527 In my circumstance, my friends would probably say, we're not 0:04:59.567 --> 0:05:02.127 going to go without you, and I would feel a 0:05:02.167 --> 0:05:05.207 bit bad. But then my friend would probably organize something 0:05:05.247 --> 0:05:08.687 that we could do, so she'd probably go instead. Can 0:05:08.727 --> 0:05:11.607 you do this Sunday in blah and we'll all have 0:05:11.687 --> 0:05:12.087 a lunch? 0:05:12.567 --> 0:05:13.327 Can't you do both? 0:05:13.647 --> 0:05:16.407 Well, let's have a staycation and we'll stay in a 0:05:16.447 --> 0:05:19.887 hotel or whatever in the hometown, so that if you 0:05:19.927 --> 0:05:20.727 need to go home. 0:05:21.127 --> 0:05:25.287 Let's broaden this out, right, Let's say, because we're a thrupple, yes, 0:05:25.607 --> 0:05:31.007 and we all have our individual relationships outside of this podcast. 0:05:31.487 --> 0:05:33.327 I was thinking about it because you two, you know 0:05:33.367 --> 0:05:37.447 you have your HRT, you have your perry, do you 0:05:37.447 --> 0:05:41.647 have your blood leakids? You have at you guys kind 0:05:41.687 --> 0:05:45.287 of have that. I'm not necessarily in on. I don't 0:05:45.327 --> 0:05:50.487 need HRT. I have enough estrogen, so in that case, 0:05:50.847 --> 0:05:51.527 I'm different. 0:05:52.367 --> 0:05:56.127 Listen, people are often fascinated by threesome relationship. 0:05:56.167 --> 0:05:58.327 Because I was thinking, Oh, I don't have any relationships 0:05:58.367 --> 0:06:00.087 that are a threesome, but then I remember, this is 0:06:00.127 --> 0:06:00.607 Bloody one. 0:06:00.807 --> 0:06:03.287 Yeah, and people always ask me, and we talked about 0:06:03.287 --> 0:06:04.727 this in the live show, but obviously not all the 0:06:04.767 --> 0:06:07.047 out louders were at the live show. One of the 0:06:07.127 --> 0:06:09.247 questions that came up and they asked me anything was like, Holy, 0:06:09.327 --> 0:06:13.807 do you ever feel left out? And obviously I was like, no, 0:06:14.047 --> 0:06:17.207 thank God, these bitches leave me alone. I would hate 0:06:17.207 --> 0:06:20.887 to go on holiday with them. But that's not actually true. 0:06:20.927 --> 0:06:22.847 I love it when we travel together and all those things. 0:06:23.487 --> 0:06:26.327 And the thing is is our dynamic is obviously complicated 0:06:26.327 --> 0:06:29.087 by the fact that you're to a family. I think 0:06:29.287 --> 0:06:33.087 it could be difficult, like and I could feel left 0:06:33.127 --> 0:06:35.327 out if I didn't have other things going on, or 0:06:35.367 --> 0:06:36.407 if I was kind of I. 0:06:36.327 --> 0:06:38.327 Don't know, if you were a little bit what's the 0:06:38.367 --> 0:06:41.207 word it's sort of territorial because I've had friends like 0:06:41.247 --> 0:06:43.407 this and it never works, and maybe this is the 0:06:43.447 --> 0:06:46.527 reason I've screened them out. It never works when I'm 0:06:46.527 --> 0:06:48.647 a twin. So it's like, there are some people who 0:06:48.687 --> 0:06:50.967 need to be they need to have kind of what 0:06:50.967 --> 0:06:52.887 do you mean, Okay, if someone wants to be my 0:06:53.007 --> 0:06:56.207 best friend and they're very competitive over friendships. 0:06:55.647 --> 0:06:56.607 She's already got one. 0:06:56.767 --> 0:06:59.327 They don't like the fact I'm a twin. That is 0:06:59.447 --> 0:07:01.327 very off putting. It's a big thing. A lot of 0:07:01.447 --> 0:07:04.327 twin girls will remember from high school that it can 0:07:04.367 --> 0:07:07.007 be an awkward think about the best friend thing that 0:07:07.047 --> 0:07:10.687 you get where someone wants you all to themselves. And 0:07:10.727 --> 0:07:13.687 then I remember a few times they'd start saying mean 0:07:13.727 --> 0:07:16.287 things about Claire to try and kind of divide us 0:07:16.287 --> 0:07:17.567 a bit, and I was like, Oh, you don't really 0:07:17.607 --> 0:07:21.247 understand this friendship, do you. I think that there are 0:07:21.447 --> 0:07:25.647 some people who need to feel ownership. 0:07:25.367 --> 0:07:29.127 Or like I've had some territorial friends, no question, and 0:07:29.207 --> 0:07:32.447 I'm not territorial. I'm not really territorial in any area. 0:07:32.887 --> 0:07:34.767 But I was just thinking about the three of us. 0:07:34.807 --> 0:07:37.447 One of the reasons why it works, though, is because 0:07:37.487 --> 0:07:39.687 I actually think we're all quite aware of it. So 0:07:39.767 --> 0:07:42.247 obviously I know that you two are family and see 0:07:42.247 --> 0:07:43.687 each other all the time on the weekends and go 0:07:43.687 --> 0:07:47.247 on holiday together. But I don't feel like you're bitching 0:07:47.287 --> 0:07:48.207 about me when you do. 0:07:48.327 --> 0:07:49.647 Yes, I reckon you are. 0:07:50.647 --> 0:07:52.447 I don't get the vibe that you are. I don't 0:07:52.447 --> 0:07:54.167 get the vibe you even really like. Go you know 0:07:54.167 --> 0:07:56.007 what we should do without loud and stuff when I'm 0:07:56.007 --> 0:07:58.047 not around, because I think that we actually have quite 0:07:58.047 --> 0:08:01.567 a respectful bitch to you. Yeah, work dynamic, but maya 0:08:01.927 --> 0:08:03.927 if you weren't confident that that would be. 0:08:04.287 --> 0:08:06.687 How would you feel if Holly and I turned up 0:08:06.687 --> 0:08:09.567 to work today and I said to Holly how was 0:08:09.607 --> 0:08:13.047 dinner last night? And Holly said, I loved the second 0:08:13.047 --> 0:08:16.087 bottle of wine we got onto, I would feel sad. 0:08:16.567 --> 0:08:19.927 Well, it's interesting because we're all left out in different 0:08:19.967 --> 0:08:22.967 ways of this TRESM and I think this is possibly 0:08:22.967 --> 0:08:24.687 why it works with us. This was meant to be 0:08:24.727 --> 0:08:30.247 about us because it's equal, like each of us have 0:08:30.287 --> 0:08:31.967 got unique bonds in different ways. So you and I 0:08:31.967 --> 0:08:36.487 are family, Jesse, Holly and I are peers. 0:08:36.967 --> 0:08:39.447 Don't say it and. 0:08:39.367 --> 0:08:43.807 Then you and Holly have the experience of I'm the 0:08:43.847 --> 0:08:48.087 boss and so as a camaraderie, as a communism, yes, 0:08:48.207 --> 0:08:53.167 among two of you, So we've all got the different connections. 0:08:53.607 --> 0:08:56.207 But you're right, Hole, it's like it's an unspoken thing 0:08:56.247 --> 0:08:59.407 that Jesse and I we might talk about the show sometimes, 0:08:59.447 --> 0:09:01.567 but not in a way that's like, God, Holly's a 0:09:01.567 --> 0:09:02.327 cranky bitch, Like. 0:09:02.527 --> 0:09:04.927 Yeah, you say that to Holly's face all the time. 0:09:05.127 --> 0:09:07.447 At the same time, I learn it, but I agree, 0:09:07.527 --> 0:09:09.887 I reckon that it's a lot to do with what 0:09:09.967 --> 0:09:11.727 you reckon they're going to be doing and talking about 0:09:11.727 --> 0:09:12.327 when you're not there. 0:09:13.247 --> 0:09:17.287 Back to our original out Louder in her dilemma, what 0:09:17.367 --> 0:09:19.087 I think is interesting because I was thinking about if 0:09:19.087 --> 0:09:20.727 there's three of you, right, this happens to me all 0:09:20.767 --> 0:09:23.207 the time. There's three of us or four of us, whatever, 0:09:23.487 --> 0:09:26.607 and someone can't come. They canceled their sick, that something's 0:09:26.647 --> 0:09:29.927 gone wrong. So the question is do you cancel the 0:09:29.967 --> 0:09:33.127 whole thing or do you push on without them? Now, 0:09:33.207 --> 0:09:36.087 I've got a few groups like this, and what we 0:09:36.127 --> 0:09:38.487 are more likely to do, because we get together rarely, 0:09:38.887 --> 0:09:42.727 is cancel the whole thing, because if you miss out one, 0:09:42.927 --> 0:09:45.527 you might not see everyone. For like six months, and. 0:09:45.447 --> 0:09:47.047 It's also a very different dynamic. 0:09:47.087 --> 0:09:49.207 That's a really good point because if we were having 0:09:49.247 --> 0:09:51.807 a dinner the three of us and any of us 0:09:51.847 --> 0:09:55.407 said I'm sick, I can't come, then we'd be like 0:09:56.327 --> 0:09:57.247 the point, Yeah. 0:09:57.047 --> 0:10:00.767 We wouldn't would be so awkward. 0:10:01.487 --> 0:10:02.887 What do we talk about? 0:10:03.287 --> 0:10:06.887 Like, It's funny because I think that threesomes can be hard, 0:10:06.927 --> 0:10:08.927 but in other ways I quite like them because they 0:10:08.967 --> 0:10:11.727 take pressure off that too, you know. Like so my 0:10:12.007 --> 0:10:16.287 threesome friendship that I go to Byron with every day. Yeah, 0:10:16.527 --> 0:10:19.807 and it's interesting because myself and Penny, she's sort of 0:10:19.847 --> 0:10:21.967 my bestie, we're very tight, but we've all known each 0:10:21.967 --> 0:10:24.527 other for the same amount of time. Karen and Penny 0:10:24.567 --> 0:10:26.247 are very tight. They see each other all the time, 0:10:26.287 --> 0:10:29.127 obviously live close by and everything. I'm tight with Karen, 0:10:29.127 --> 0:10:31.447 but in a different way, like we don't talk heaps 0:10:31.447 --> 0:10:34.447 outside the threesome situation. So you know how you kind 0:10:34.447 --> 0:10:36.927 of you all have your own dynamics, which is what 0:10:36.967 --> 0:10:38.967 she says. Well, She's like, I think our friendships with 0:10:39.007 --> 0:10:42.687 each other and together are different but unique. This is 0:10:42.807 --> 0:10:44.927 hard because you're right. I was like, no, sure they 0:10:44.927 --> 0:10:46.567 should just go because why should they miss out in 0:10:46.607 --> 0:10:49.647 the cocktails? But then you're right, is that maybe they 0:10:49.687 --> 0:10:51.527 won't all get a chance to go and have fun together. 0:10:51.567 --> 0:10:53.887 And you know what it is too, It's that when 0:10:53.887 --> 0:10:56.647 you're in a three, the dynamic is so established and 0:10:56.687 --> 0:10:59.807 all of you understand your place and you can feel 0:10:59.927 --> 0:11:02.487 I don't know if it's jealousy, but they're establishing a 0:11:02.567 --> 0:11:06.207 dynamic without you. So next time, if it were to happen, 0:11:06.607 --> 0:11:10.247 is there a dynamic? Are there in jokes stories that 0:11:10.287 --> 0:11:13.207 you do to closeness that then you come and they're like, 0:11:13.327 --> 0:11:14.127 we don't need you. 0:11:14.207 --> 0:11:16.727 Okay, here's another thing about etiquette, right, So if you're 0:11:16.767 --> 0:11:19.367 in a situation of more than two people, or even 0:11:19.367 --> 0:11:22.127 two people, I think if you're ever the person who cancels, 0:11:22.847 --> 0:11:25.767 the onus is on you to then become the nicole 0:11:26.607 --> 0:11:29.287 I either organizer of the next thing. So if this 0:11:29.407 --> 0:11:32.567 person wanted to do it, what's interesting about our dilemmera 0:11:33.327 --> 0:11:35.567 is that it wasn't just I couldn't make that date 0:11:35.647 --> 0:11:38.647 and they went, will fuck you, we can buy She's like, 0:11:39.047 --> 0:11:42.367 I don't think I can do it indefinitely, And so 0:11:42.447 --> 0:11:45.287 I can understand why the other two would be like, well, 0:11:45.527 --> 0:11:49.487 we want to have our fun fun. So then I 0:11:49.647 --> 0:11:52.607 wonder if she was too late nowt but she should 0:11:52.687 --> 0:11:56.207 have said, but what if we do blah blah blah 0:11:56.247 --> 0:11:58.967 blah blah. Yeah, instead of saying I can't do it, 0:11:59.007 --> 0:12:01.487 and then you've given everybody the mental load of do 0:12:01.527 --> 0:12:03.967 we cancel the trip? What are we going to? It 0:12:04.007 --> 0:12:06.527 always pisses me off when someone says they can't do it, 0:12:06.767 --> 0:12:07.687 the onus is on them. 0:12:07.847 --> 0:12:10.567 She's taught me this the rule. Remember I couldn't come 0:12:10.567 --> 0:12:12.887 to a dinner because we have an elder's lady for 0:12:13.087 --> 0:12:15.607 some ye I couldn't come. And then it was like me, 0:12:15.647 --> 0:12:17.647 it was like, you're supposed to really. 0:12:17.487 --> 0:12:19.407 Like, oh shit, it's a slatted bid. 0:12:19.647 --> 0:12:22.047 So Maa is better at this than anyone. I know, 0:12:22.927 --> 0:12:25.967 what should she say? You know how she says I'm upset, 0:12:26.047 --> 0:12:28.847 but also I'm so upset with myself for being upset. 0:12:29.727 --> 0:12:32.407 What should she do? Because here's the thing is that 0:12:32.447 --> 0:12:35.047 when people you love and trust, when you feel like 0:12:35.127 --> 0:12:38.247 they've upset you somehow. You know, everybody says the mark 0:12:38.287 --> 0:12:39.967 of a good friendship is honesty. The mark of a 0:12:39.967 --> 0:12:42.287 good friendship is put it all out their communication. 0:12:42.487 --> 0:12:44.127 Don't dumb that on that, and that is hard. 0:12:44.247 --> 0:12:46.047 So what should happen now? 0:12:46.487 --> 0:12:49.287 Organize something even if you can't go away for a weekend. 0:12:49.447 --> 0:12:53.367 Organize a lovely afternoon or like a dinner or something 0:12:53.447 --> 0:12:56.367 with the three of you, just to like show that 0:12:56.447 --> 0:12:58.807 you're still invested and that you want to. 0:12:59.087 --> 0:13:01.767 Push down the anger and the irritation. 0:13:01.647 --> 0:13:04.047 And re establish the dynamic of the three of you. 0:13:04.767 --> 0:13:07.487 I think we over communicate sometimes. I've had a few 0:13:07.487 --> 0:13:10.927 friends actually pull me up this particular dynamic. And then 0:13:10.927 --> 0:13:13.247 one friend moved away, and then I got really lazy 0:13:13.287 --> 0:13:15.407 with the other friend. I realized that he was the 0:13:15.407 --> 0:13:18.247 glue that was making all the plans, and he pulled 0:13:18.247 --> 0:13:19.647 me off up on it once and was like, when 0:13:19.687 --> 0:13:20.847 was the last time you asked him to hang out? 0:13:20.847 --> 0:13:23.327 Because you've said no to him three times in a row. 0:13:23.607 --> 0:13:26.167 He thinks you're not interested. Like sometimes you need that, 0:13:26.327 --> 0:13:28.087 you need someone to give you a bit of a 0:13:28.127 --> 0:13:28.727 wake up call. 0:13:28.887 --> 0:13:31.087 It's so true because we fall into our roles. Yeah, 0:13:31.127 --> 0:13:33.887 because my friend Penny is in Nicole, no surprise that 0:13:33.927 --> 0:13:37.167 she organizes the girl's weekend books, the flights, books, the restaurants, 0:13:37.567 --> 0:13:41.887 but like sometimes she has Nicole overload and she's like, 0:13:42.167 --> 0:13:45.167 not necessarily to us, but to our friend group more broadly, like, 0:13:45.327 --> 0:13:47.327 what the fuck have you lot been doing? If I 0:13:47.407 --> 0:13:51.367 didn't organize drinks on Sunday So and So's birthday party, whatever, 0:13:51.447 --> 0:13:53.967 would we just never see each other? And I understand 0:13:54.007 --> 0:13:56.367 how that backs up on her, but also I don't 0:13:56.367 --> 0:13:58.527 know how to how to do it. 0:13:58.647 --> 0:14:02.687 Yeah, I've got another threesome now that I'm thinking about it. 0:14:02.847 --> 0:14:06.807 Some threesomes also just run their course where one person 0:14:06.927 --> 0:14:10.807 sort of just lags and keep up, or is in 0:14:10.847 --> 0:14:13.927 a different life stage or in a different season. And 0:14:14.007 --> 0:14:17.767 I've got this threesome. It's a historical threesome. And I 0:14:17.927 --> 0:14:20.967 keep throwing pebbles. You know that thing about pebbles, where 0:14:20.967 --> 0:14:23.447 you throw pebbles, which is like a bid for connection, 0:14:23.647 --> 0:14:25.607 so you might share a link or a photo or 0:14:25.647 --> 0:14:29.047 a comment about something that's happened in the news or something. 0:14:29.327 --> 0:14:32.767 And I keep throwing pebbles into this group. And I 0:14:32.807 --> 0:14:35.327 called the group a funny in joke that we had 0:14:35.567 --> 0:14:39.047 from twenty years ago because two of them sort of 0:14:39.047 --> 0:14:41.207 fell out. But now we've sort of got this group, 0:14:41.287 --> 0:14:42.687 and neither of them listened to this show, so I 0:14:42.687 --> 0:14:45.887 can say I'm trying to make fetch happen, like I 0:14:46.007 --> 0:14:50.447 just can't make I can't jumpstart the group again, the threesomes, 0:14:50.527 --> 0:14:53.287 So I think I just have to maybe let it go. 0:14:53.527 --> 0:14:56.447 You've interviewed people who are actually in thropples. Do you 0:14:56.447 --> 0:14:59.247 think they have this romantic thruple romantic throw ple? 0:14:59.287 --> 0:14:59.567 Okay? 0:14:59.607 --> 0:15:01.647 So I asked ron Mangan this when I interviewed her, 0:15:01.687 --> 0:15:05.487 and no filter. She's got two wives and the two 0:15:06.047 --> 0:15:09.247 other wives they've been together for like a couple of deacys, 0:15:09.487 --> 0:15:13.007 and they're older than her. And so I said to her, 0:15:13.127 --> 0:15:15.807 what about when they go out on date night or 0:15:15.807 --> 0:15:17.967 when you go out on date night? Is there jealousy? 0:15:17.967 --> 0:15:19.767 And she goes, no, everyone's stoked to have a night 0:15:19.807 --> 0:15:21.447 on their own. Yay. 0:15:22.567 --> 0:15:24.967 Friendships are weird, aren't they? Because I'm even thinking about 0:15:25.047 --> 0:15:27.887 some of my closest friendships, Like there's my sister and 0:15:27.887 --> 0:15:30.687 I and two of our best friends from kindergarten, and 0:15:30.887 --> 0:15:32.887 when we hang out, literally for the last twenty five 0:15:32.927 --> 0:15:35.687 plus years, it's the four of us. If one of 0:15:35.727 --> 0:15:38.527 us couldn't come, it wouldn't happen. I remember a few 0:15:38.527 --> 0:15:41.407 times someone's been living overseas and we've been like, we 0:15:41.447 --> 0:15:43.807 don't know if we can there are a. 0:15:43.687 --> 0:15:45.327 Couple to me because it's a different thing. 0:15:45.407 --> 0:15:48.287 Yeah, it's like this dynamic is what works. It feels 0:15:48.287 --> 0:15:51.887 like a betrayal if it were. I can't even imagine 0:15:51.887 --> 0:15:54.367 that one exists without the other. And I wonder if 0:15:54.367 --> 0:15:57.207 it would enrich the friendship if I actually invested in 0:15:57.287 --> 0:16:01.367 them individually, or if some friendships only exist in a 0:16:01.447 --> 0:16:02.447 kind of eCos It. 0:16:02.367 --> 0:16:05.527 Also feels like a lot of extra work and what can. 0:16:07.567 --> 0:16:09.047 Our catch up to make efficient. 0:16:09.247 --> 0:16:11.287 It was something that a word that Rowan taught me 0:16:11.327 --> 0:16:15.567 called compersian, which is almost the opposite of jealousy. It's 0:16:15.567 --> 0:16:19.167 about when you love someone and you see them being 0:16:19.247 --> 0:16:24.167 loved by someone else or loving someone else, it brings 0:16:24.207 --> 0:16:28.327 you joy, not insecurity or sadness or jealousy. 0:16:28.367 --> 0:16:29.727 You have to be evolved for that shit. 0:16:30.007 --> 0:16:31.887 Yeah, do you know when I've seen it. I've seen 0:16:31.927 --> 0:16:35.207 it with children. So like when I see Luna with 0:16:35.367 --> 0:16:39.167 Jesse or with Luca or with her other grandmother or 0:16:39.207 --> 0:16:42.047 anyone really like loving that person and that person loving her, 0:16:42.087 --> 0:16:45.407 I don't feel jealousy. I feel joy, which is interesting 0:16:45.407 --> 0:16:47.367 because I'm very competitive as well, and I was worried 0:16:47.407 --> 0:16:49.287 at first when Luny came along, but where I stood 0:16:49.327 --> 0:16:51.807 on the leaderboard, I know you are, And now I 0:16:51.847 --> 0:16:54.487 don't see that anymore. Now I get actual joy. Like 0:16:54.527 --> 0:16:56.807 one of my favorite things is when I bring Luna 0:16:56.847 --> 0:16:58.367 home at the end of the time that I've been 0:16:58.367 --> 0:17:02.447 looking after her is watching the reunion. I love watching 0:17:02.447 --> 0:17:04.607 people just so excited to see each other and watching 0:17:04.767 --> 0:17:07.407 how excited Jesse used to see Luna, how excited Luna 0:17:07.447 --> 0:17:08.007 is to see Jesse. 0:17:08.127 --> 0:17:10.167 I froth for that. Have people in your life who 0:17:10.167 --> 0:17:11.527 always happy to see you? 0:17:11.287 --> 0:17:14.287 Do you think it's possible if people are listening and 0:17:14.327 --> 0:17:17.247 even with this, that threesome friendships work. 0:17:17.887 --> 0:17:18.607 I think they can. 0:17:18.767 --> 0:17:20.167 I think that can be your Like a lot of 0:17:20.207 --> 0:17:22.367 people see best friendships as one on one. 0:17:22.767 --> 0:17:25.007 I think they do, but I think you probably have 0:17:25.127 --> 0:17:28.367 to accept the fact that they work, but they're not. Well, 0:17:28.447 --> 0:17:31.487 I haven't seen it where it's entirely equal, right, Like 0:17:32.127 --> 0:17:34.567 so often one of you will be a bit closer 0:17:34.567 --> 0:17:36.247 with the other person or not, or you talk more 0:17:36.287 --> 0:17:38.927 often or whatever, because like three way phone calls, aren't 0:17:38.967 --> 0:17:43.207 you know, like I just done so, I think I know, 0:17:43.287 --> 0:17:45.207 but some people do still talk on a phone mere 0:17:45.247 --> 0:17:47.007 I don't like to freak you out. But some people 0:17:47.127 --> 0:17:52.407 still do do that disgusting and to make threesome's work, 0:17:52.487 --> 0:17:55.807 you have to be comfortable with that. On Instagram the 0:17:55.887 --> 0:18:00.167 other week it was Kristin Davis and Cynthia Nixon. So 0:18:00.287 --> 0:18:04.327 Charlotte and Miranda were on holiday together and I was like, well, 0:18:04.327 --> 0:18:05.727 there's JP's not there. 0:18:06.007 --> 0:18:10.127 And I mean Kutrell she's she doesn't mind at all. 0:18:10.527 --> 0:18:12.807 But I think Sarah Jessica Parker was sitting by the phone. 0:18:12.847 --> 0:18:15.647 Well maybe she was, or maybe because she's the you know, 0:18:15.727 --> 0:18:17.607 she's off in a play in London and she's doing 0:18:17.687 --> 0:18:19.847 this and that she's probably like, you go without me, girls, 0:18:19.847 --> 0:18:23.127 And then this was her, and then it was it 0:18:23.207 --> 0:18:24.447 was Sarah Jeska Parker. 0:18:24.567 --> 0:18:26.367 I got a job where she has to work week. 0:18:26.607 --> 0:18:28.527 Yeah, that was in the theater on the West End. 0:18:28.727 --> 0:18:33.127 Exactly. Oh my goodness. No, let Charlotte and Miranda hang out. 0:18:33.247 --> 0:18:35.167 They have a lot of their side characters and they 0:18:35.167 --> 0:18:36.047 need to bond over that. 0:18:36.287 --> 0:18:38.367 If you've gotten a dilemma for us out louder and 0:18:38.527 --> 0:18:42.087 you like our extraordinary wisdom, what did we sort out there? Oh? 0:18:42.247 --> 0:18:44.007