WEBVTT - Is My Toddler A Bully? 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080 We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:03.720 on today. 0:00:08.800 --> 0:00:11.280 Why should you have to take your kid away? If 0:00:11.320 --> 0:00:12.280 there's another kid. 0:00:12.160 --> 0:00:14.840 Bullying them their parent isn't present. 0:00:14.880 --> 0:00:17.599 Then you arc up and start shouting, Oh, who's kid 0:00:17.640 --> 0:00:19.720 is this? Who the mad shit is this? 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:21.479 Get it out? 0:00:23.920 --> 0:00:27.360 Hello, and welcome back to Eat, Sleep Shit, repeat your 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:32.839 unhinged podcast about the madness that is novelhood and everything 0:00:32.840 --> 0:00:35.280 in between. I'm km according to the script. 0:00:35.600 --> 0:00:39.320 That right, that's right, I wrote it, and I'm krs 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:42.560 k Resells. In case you miss last week's episode, we 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:44.920 had a bit of a moan about newborn's ahead of mine, 0:00:45.040 --> 0:00:45.960 newborn arriving. 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:49.559 Oh boy, has it arrived? We won't know, we will 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:50.519 at the time of recording. 0:00:50.640 --> 0:00:52.920 You're unsure at this time, and I'm not sure if 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:55.080 I should laugh or cry, because there's quite a lot 0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.320 that I forgot about. But it's just like riding a 0:00:57.320 --> 0:00:57.800 bike ride. 0:00:57.920 --> 0:01:00.440 I actually think it probably is yeah to be but 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:02.960 you think, oh, I forgot that they shit nine times 0:01:02.960 --> 0:01:05.319 a day. But you're like, oh, it's ingrained in my 0:01:05.440 --> 0:01:06.800 memory how to swaddle in. 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:08.840 Well, I had to hold someone's baby the other day 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.480 and I was like feeding her, and then I was like, 0:01:11.520 --> 0:01:15.319 do I need to burp her? And her mom was like, yeah. 0:01:14.959 --> 0:01:18.920 They require the burbs on the show today. Is my 0:01:19.040 --> 0:01:22.000 toddler a bully? Well, it's easy to be encouraging of 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:24.400 other parents when their kids are acting up. Oh it's 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:26.840 not your fault, it's okay, or kids go through this. 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.800 When you witness bad behavior from your toddler, it is 0:01:30.880 --> 0:01:33.760 really confronting and often you can't help but feel like 0:01:33.800 --> 0:01:37.080 you've failed. So can toddlers be bullies? And should we 0:01:37.160 --> 0:01:39.800 be a little bit concerned? We're getting to the bottom 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:40.480 of it today. 0:01:40.880 --> 0:01:44.880 Now. A little reminder, we have pre recorded in the 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:47.880 lead up for this baby coming out of hopefully my vagina, 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.640 so we're not doing Pek and Pit because we thought 0:01:50.640 --> 0:01:53.280 they'd kind of like age but terribly. But don't worry. 0:01:53.320 --> 0:01:54.920 Pek and Pit will be back as soon as we 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:58.040 are back to our regular recording schedules, So hang in there, 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:02.600 Pek and Pit lovers. Toddler development is such a tricky time. 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.600 They're suddenly mobile, with likes and dislikes and a very 0:02:05.640 --> 0:02:09.079 limited but spirited vocabulary to tell them when you get 0:02:09.080 --> 0:02:12.959 it wrong. Alongside this, their engagement with the world and 0:02:13.000 --> 0:02:16.560 their socialization with others increases rapidly. You start to get 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:18.400 excited by the fact that your toddler can now play 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:22.040 with others, and then comes that heartbreaking moment you witness 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:25.919 your toddler being quote unquote bullied by another child or worse, 0:02:26.680 --> 0:02:30.520 them being the bully. Seeing these behaviors can be super 0:02:30.520 --> 0:02:33.359 triggering as a parent. For instance, watching another kid a 0:02:33.760 --> 0:02:36.880 certain behavior over yours can awaken the Mama bear inside 0:02:36.880 --> 0:02:39.480 of you, maybe even trigger some of your feelings around 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:41.440 being picked on as a kid, and you want to 0:02:41.520 --> 0:02:44.880 jump up or jump in and say something. Or your 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:47.680 sweet kid is the alpha at the playdates, snatching, hitting, 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.680 biting and forcing you to leave. It's mortifying, no matter 0:02:50.720 --> 0:02:54.000 how encouraging the other parents are, and you leave feeling 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:56.720 horrified and wondering, how did I end up with a 0:02:56.800 --> 0:02:57.320 bad kid? 0:02:57.360 --> 0:02:58.680 Why did I create a monster? 0:02:59.280 --> 0:03:01.680 I'm a good person and I swear so cal Have 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:05.200 you been in situations where you've seen another toddler bully. 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:07.440 I'm using it loosely just for the context of what 0:03:07.480 --> 0:03:11.799 we're talking about. Bully len or Len maybe being a 0:03:11.800 --> 0:03:12.760 little bit of a bully. 0:03:13.440 --> 0:03:17.239 I think because of Len's size. He would be hard 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.680 to bully for other toddlers because he's a big boy. 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:25.320 He's ginormous. So I haven't, which I actually think is 0:03:25.360 --> 0:03:28.480 probably a good thing. Yeah, because I really struggle with 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:30.680 my own self control, and so if I saw a 0:03:30.760 --> 0:03:34.880 child doing something to Len, I think I would really struggle, Yeah, 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:38.880 not to immediately step in and start parenting the other 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:42.280 kid and shouting and calling the kid names. Potentially. Yeah, 0:03:43.160 --> 0:03:46.040 it's in my nature. I'm a bier, Like I'm a dog. 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:48.040 I bark a lot, and my bite is hard to 0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:51.960 so I just feel like it's probably my own impulse 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:54.680 control and self control sucks, so which you know, I 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:55.680 will have to get better. 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:58.200 Yeah, definitely. I think it's like ingrained and answer. All 0:03:58.200 --> 0:03:59.680 we want to do is protect them. So if you 0:03:59.680 --> 0:04:03.680 see that, like you just automatically react in a way. 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:07.960 Yeah, they've been just like i'd say, very normal circumstances 0:04:08.000 --> 0:04:11.040 like at those place and things. Yeah, if a little 0:04:11.120 --> 0:04:15.160 kid's trying to grab something off Lenny, but a big kid, yeah, 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:18.159 it's always a lot older. Yeah, I guess because of 0:04:18.200 --> 0:04:20.599 his life. But I'll just be like no, no, We're 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:22.679 just going to wait for him to finish playing that Lenny, 0:04:22.680 --> 0:04:24.800 once you finish playing with that yeah, or you know, 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:28.479 now it's your turn to share the toy or whatever 0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:28.800 it is. 0:04:28.880 --> 0:04:31.360 So I find that it's also really dependent on how 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:34.000 present the other parent is of the kid that's kind 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:37.760 of maybe a little bit like rough and tumble, because 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:40.800 I feel like if the parent is there, I'm watching 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.200 it and kind of intercepting, you know, you're like, oh, 0:04:43.240 --> 0:04:45.640 that's so fine, don't worry, like blah blah blah. Okay. 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:49.480 I'm using a personal example here, like at our local Westfield, 0:04:49.560 --> 0:04:51.599 there's this dad who always brings his kids to the. 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:54.719 Playground, the one on the top floor that yeah, they. 0:04:54.760 --> 0:04:57.520 Play one and the dad sits there on his phone 0:04:57.560 --> 0:05:00.400 the whole time. And his daughter, she's a rough and 0:05:00.400 --> 0:05:03.560 tumble and she like fully pushes the other girls. So 0:05:03.680 --> 0:05:05.760 we then have to parent that kid. That doesn't make 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:07.000 us feel good, and we're just. 0:05:07.000 --> 0:05:08.280 Like, control your kid. 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:11.120 So I really think how much the parent is parenting, 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.280 and that situation has a bit of an impact as 0:05:13.320 --> 0:05:15.880 well on how much you can tolerate. 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.520 Well, remember that boat that I talked about. I went 0:05:19.560 --> 0:05:21.600 on with all of those kids, and you were like, 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.880 what they didn't have life jackets. And I had to 0:05:24.880 --> 0:05:27.800 go up and get the parents because I was like, 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:30.840 these aren't my kids. They were older. Yeah, And I 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:34.599 was also like, I'm not here to tell these kids 0:05:34.680 --> 0:05:37.680 what to do. So I actually went upstairs to get 0:05:37.680 --> 0:05:39.520 the parents and I just said, hey, can someone come 0:05:39.520 --> 0:05:41.880 and help. Your kids aren't sharing? And then they didn't 0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.360 believe me, and I'm like, Okay, why would I be 0:05:44.440 --> 0:05:45.120 lying about. 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:46.839 Such a thing would have fun? 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:51.000 I just need to not be parenting. You're the ones 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:53.279 that have left your kids to their own devices, literally, 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:56.560 and then they're not sharing with another kid. I'm sure 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:59.240 we can all agree that children should share. Please come 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:00.000 and assist. I'm not. 0:06:01.320 --> 0:06:03.200 I really think it has a big impact on it 0:06:03.560 --> 0:06:06.760 how well you can function, and that situation when your 0:06:06.800 --> 0:06:09.480 kid's being picked on is how much the other parent 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:12.680 cares so that you don't have to feel like your 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.280 parents are overreaching. 0:06:14.560 --> 0:06:17.880 As well or also like then, I guess how sympathetic 0:06:17.880 --> 0:06:23.480 you'll be towards certain circumstances. Because there was an incident 0:06:23.600 --> 0:06:26.520 last year where there was a bitter in Lenny's room. 0:06:26.680 --> 0:06:28.800 I remember this, the infamous bitter. 0:06:29.080 --> 0:06:32.480 Yeh, I never tell you the name, but you know that. 0:06:31.760 --> 0:06:33.800 You know that they're there, and this was before they're 0:06:33.800 --> 0:06:37.680 really talking, so even the kid can't tell you who 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:40.760 it is. But it was really awful. Like both Lenn 0:06:40.760 --> 0:06:44.240 and his cousin Wesley the Puff go to the same 0:06:44.240 --> 0:06:48.440 school and they were both repeatedly bitten and really really 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:52.760 bad bite it's like bad bruises. First, they didn't want 0:06:52.760 --> 0:06:55.240 my child to be scared about going to daycare. Oh 0:06:55.440 --> 0:06:56.440 I'm going to get bitten. 0:06:56.640 --> 0:06:59.040 It's a safe space you want them to find going. 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:02.160 Secondly, I didn't want to encourage that sort of behavior 0:07:02.200 --> 0:07:06.240 with him. The modeling other children's behavior is so common, 0:07:06.279 --> 0:07:08.440 so there was a bunch of different things. And also 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:10.240 I was just annoyed that my kid was getting bitten, 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:14.400 and I talked about it on socials and I had 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.600 some parents reach out and just say because I was 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:20.560 probably like a little bit angry at the time, you know, 0:07:20.720 --> 0:07:23.400 it's really bad to be the parent of a bitter 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:25.920 And I was like, oh my god, absolutely, because Luke 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:28.320 and I have talked about that before, as we were 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:32.000 both bullied younger. We've talked about how it would be 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:34.520 worse to find out that our child is actually the bullied, 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:39.560 totally bully whatever you would say, because it's just awful. 0:07:39.880 --> 0:07:43.280 Well, yeah, you feel inherently that you've failed as a parent. 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:46.360 That you've created a bad person. And it's funny because 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:51.880 the educators at daycare can't tell parents who the child is, 0:07:51.920 --> 0:07:55.040 which you know, the reasons are that parents can then 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.880 get involved in I just think, guys, they're kids, like, 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:00.320 please don't go and yell at a child. Then I'm 0:08:00.320 --> 0:08:02.600 the one that just said that. I so, but it's. 0:08:02.520 --> 0:08:04.240 Funny the reason why they don't tell us. 0:08:04.360 --> 0:08:06.680 I found out who it was, though, and it actually 0:08:06.720 --> 0:08:08.760 made me feel better. I don't know why, but I 0:08:08.760 --> 0:08:10.840 felt like because I knew the kid, it was better 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:12.160 to put a face to the name. 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:14.160 Well, often you think it's going to be like this 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:16.280 kid that you don't even know about, the bad boy 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:19.000 or gone. And I was like, oh, it's your best friend. 0:08:19.080 --> 0:08:21.000 Or it was just he wasn't their best friend. But 0:08:21.040 --> 0:08:23.400 he was a really cute little like he's a nice 0:08:23.440 --> 0:08:26.119 enough kid. Yeah, and there was a lot of stuff 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:28.480 going on with the older class. Whoever, and my niece 0:08:28.560 --> 0:08:33.000 is in where even worse, like he was holding her 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:34.920 down and biting her. One day she was napping and 0:08:34.960 --> 0:08:36.920 he pulled her pants down and bit her on the bottom, 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:40.640 which I actually said. I was like, Okay, that's that's resault. 0:08:41.160 --> 0:08:41.839 Yeah, that's not. 0:08:41.840 --> 0:08:44.160 Cool, And where the hell were the teachers to allow 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.720 all of that to happen. But it turns out so 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:50.040 both of the boys their parents were going through something 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:52.760 pretty hectic, and it goes to show that sometimes it 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:54.560 can be really indicative of things that are going on 0:08:54.600 --> 0:08:54.960 at home. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.080 Yeah, that's such a good point, something that I hadn't 0:08:57.120 --> 0:08:57.600 even thought of. 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.439 And I truly just do not believe that children are 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:04.920 bad or inherently evil. Of course, there are exceptions to 0:09:04.960 --> 0:09:07.360 the rule with born sociopaths and that sort of thing, 0:09:08.320 --> 0:09:11.800 and I just think that they're expressing themselves in ways 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:15.839 that they haven't been taught not to. And I don't 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:20.320 yell loudly often I'm a yeller, But the few times 0:09:20.320 --> 0:09:23.439 that I have absolutely lost my shit is when Lenny 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:26.760 has hurt. That's just, to me, the biggest thing that 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:30.119 kids we do not treat other people badly or animals. 0:09:30.600 --> 0:09:33.840 So twice Lenny has kicked the cat. When I tell 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:38.600 you that I had not yelled that loudly before at him, 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:41.520 he started to bare his eyes out, which then made 0:09:41.559 --> 0:09:43.800 me feel terrible because I scared him so much. You 0:09:43.840 --> 0:09:46.920 know what, though he hasn't done it again. Yeah, because 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.160 I yelled so loudly. The cat was here first. 0:09:49.400 --> 0:09:51.760 That's what I always say. The rue hour was here first, 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:52.520 being nice to him. 0:09:52.600 --> 0:09:55.520 Don't kick the cat like, do not kick animal. And 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:58.560 a few times he's pushed his cousins. One time he 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:02.440 almost pushed Wesley down this ste and I think, once again, 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:04.160 it comes back to his size. I think when a 0:10:04.240 --> 0:10:08.040 child is bigger, it's really easy for them to assert 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.960 their dominance without even realizing that they're doing it by 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:13.079 being a little bit pushy. 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:14.400 They don't realize their strength. 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:16.240 So that's why in some cases we're not supposed to 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:19.360 do this. But I'll be like bloody pushing back. 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:25.720 I know, I'm fox sake, stand up for yourself because 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:30.840 it goes I'm like the same size, pushing back, pushing back. 0:10:36.080 --> 0:10:38.400 It's always like the closest people that he's with. I 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:41.079 think though, Yeah, they's like an a of. 0:10:41.120 --> 0:10:45.280 Safety, familiarity and who they're kind of acting out against. 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:47.200 In our case, that hasn't been random. 0:10:47.040 --> 0:10:50.280 No, it hasn't been random at all. In Len's case, 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:53.160 the only person that wasn't family including Percy that he 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:57.640 pushed once was Bailey, Ashley's youngest two's six months older 0:10:57.679 --> 0:11:01.280 than him, so yeah, same age, and I got so angry, 0:11:01.280 --> 0:11:03.600 but actually was like, hell, they're little kids, They're gonna 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:05.560 push each other, and like it's okay. 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:07.199 Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah. 0:11:07.400 --> 0:11:12.600 I haven't luckily had to deal with anything really yeah yet, 0:11:12.960 --> 0:11:18.079 very just basic level, normal toddler stuff. He's pretty gentle 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:21.839 overall and very caring. You were saying that Rue has 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:22.600 even hit you. 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:27.440 She has. She has, and it's not like super hard 0:11:27.520 --> 0:11:30.199 or anything like that, but it's I know that you 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.040 picked this up from daycare because for me, I've definitely 0:11:33.040 --> 0:11:36.520 experienced both when Rue has sort of been really placid 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.920 and gentle for most of her life and in situations 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:42.280 she's a bit more of like a follower. She's not 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.600 like a leader, right, So I see her with like 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:47.680 more dominant kids, she kind of falls into line, and 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:50.600 same as you. We Beck and I Goldie and her 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:52.719 have a little bit of a rough and tumble. I'm like, 0:11:52.800 --> 0:11:55.559 push her back row and Beck's like push her back rough, 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:57.160 Like that's how we deal with it because we think 0:11:57.160 --> 0:11:57.680 it's funny. 0:11:57.840 --> 0:12:00.280 I also think that there's an element like we're not 0:12:00.360 --> 0:12:04.520 saying fight them back, it's just it's okay to play 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.320 rough sometimes and yeah, yeah, yeah, the kid, you can 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:08.960 give it to them a little bit. 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:11.200 Exactly, especially when they're like your best friend that you 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:11.840 see all the time. 0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:13.840 Come on, like old He's probably like, yes. 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:14.080 Sir. 0:12:16.600 --> 0:12:20.120 To you. But then I've also seen in those situations 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:22.840 like how distressing it is, like you said about the 0:12:22.880 --> 0:12:26.040 parents of the bitters, with the parents who of the 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.320 kid that's like a little bit more rough and tumble. 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.720 And I would always just say their kids exactly, like Ashley, 0:12:31.760 --> 0:12:34.640 their kids, like they don't understand, like this is how 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:39.080 they're expressing themselves, Like it's totally fine. But until like 0:12:39.200 --> 0:12:41.520 I've now been in situations where Rue has kind of 0:12:41.559 --> 0:12:44.960 like been a bit pushy, and I have just felt 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:48.280 this deep sense of failure inside me to see her 0:12:48.840 --> 0:12:52.520 act that way. And then obviously during my pregnancy, her 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.760 demeanor has changed a little bit with me, Like I 0:12:55.760 --> 0:12:57.679 think it's also just being a toddler, but it's very 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.280 hard because there's a lot of change going on, so 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:02.360 I don't know what it's actually down to. But she's 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:04.640 just learned really to say no and. 0:13:04.760 --> 0:13:10.000 To no because they're proving that they can be defiant 0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:11.480 and there yeah. 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:13.760 And I'll be like, don't hit mummy and she gets 0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.360 very embarrassed. She's like, oh no. And then I asked 0:13:16.360 --> 0:13:18.719 like daycare, I'm like, has her behavior changed? And they're like, 0:13:18.800 --> 0:13:20.800 now she's an angel? So it just makes she doesn't 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:23.480 do it with Charlie in the situations in public places 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:25.280 where she's been a bit rough and tumble with her 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.840 friends or people that we know, like kids that she's 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:32.320 familiar with. I have felt like a drop of what 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.080 other parents must be feeling having a kid that is, 0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:40.280 you know, super alpha, super rough and tumble, just a 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:42.839 bit more boisterous than the other kids. It was enough 0:13:42.840 --> 0:13:44.240 for me to go I think we need to do 0:13:44.280 --> 0:13:47.760 an episode on it, because even though we know, until 0:13:47.760 --> 0:13:50.240 you're the parent of a child that does it, I 0:13:50.280 --> 0:13:53.040 think there's no way to really understand how because parents 0:13:53.040 --> 0:13:56.520 will leave places because their kid is acting up, which 0:13:56.559 --> 0:13:58.760 I think is one way to do it, Like sometimes 0:13:58.800 --> 0:13:59.560 I just need to. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:01.840 You kind of have to though, I've got to remove 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:04.840 them from this situation that badly behaved with other children 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.200 and it could another child. Of course, you have to 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:07.880 leave but that. 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:09.760 Sucks, oh one hundred percent. 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:14.000 That would be so mortifying and you would just feel 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:14.959 so shit. 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.000 And it's a lot of like what am I doing 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:20.680 wrong as a parent, like exactly a nice people, why 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:22.360 does our kid act out like this? 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:26.120 And it is I know, different personalities. 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:31.680 Different personalities, And I think it's just really understanding that 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:36.640 our brains are still developing up until our early twenties. Right, 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:40.320 So toddler's age between one and three, think about how 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:42.640 long they've been a life, Like they're not getting empathy. 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:44.320 I think empathy is coming in at like four or 0:14:44.360 --> 0:14:48.040 five years old. Some kids are younger, but just their 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.720 ability to like understand emotion or be capable of it. 0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:54.240 If frud does something, I'm like, you go and say 0:14:54.280 --> 0:14:56.200 sorry to her, but you know I meant to say that, 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.800 are you really? Because then they it's a false apology 0:14:58.800 --> 0:14:59.760 and they don't really mean it. 0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:02.720 That is true, right, I mean at all they. 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:06.480 Don't because Ru's like sorry, and I'm like, I know 0:15:06.560 --> 0:15:08.800 that that's not the right way, but what is so true? 0:15:08.840 --> 0:15:11.240 Because I literally will be like, no, you're not getting 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:14.040 it to you say sorry, yeah, and it's. 0:15:13.880 --> 0:15:16.840 Like that is not teaching them anything. At all. It's 0:15:16.880 --> 0:15:19.280 just teaching them just to say whatever I need to 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:22.240 lie to get out of it. So they say instead 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:25.000 of that is to be like, hey, look at Kelly, 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:28.560 she's really upset at the moment. Yeah, do you think 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:30.800 that that's okay? We need to go and check on 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.200 her and make sure she's okay, and maybe we say 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:35.840 sorry that we made her sad. So that's kind of 0:15:35.840 --> 0:15:37.680 how they tell you to do. It is like to 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:41.040 give them more of context. But Charlie laughs because he'll 0:15:41.080 --> 0:15:42.320 come home and. 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:44.360 He'll be going, do you understand. 0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.440 I'll reasoning with my toddler. I'll be like, Rue, I 0:15:48.520 --> 0:15:50.200 just need you to finish dinner. You haven't had much 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:52.360 food today. This is yummy, this is all of your 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.960 favorite things. Have this. Then we'll go read books. And 0:15:55.480 --> 0:15:59.120 Charlie's just like, babe, she's a toddler, Like, he'll send 0:15:59.120 --> 0:16:01.680 me these videos. Don't try and reason with your toddler. 0:16:01.680 --> 0:16:03.280 And I'm like, what are I fucking's supposed to do? 0:16:03.440 --> 0:16:06.120 I kind of think it kind of works sometimes like 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:07.280 it does it? 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.960 Or they just are like, mum seems a bit stressed, 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:12.000 maybe better than fall into play. 0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:15.000 No. I feel like also one day it will click. 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.440 It will. Yeah, they learning. 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:23.040 So if we're displaying the right sort of behavior and 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:27.320 explaining things rather than just saying, eat your dinner, yeah, 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:29.760 you explain why to me. That makes sense. 0:16:29.880 --> 0:16:32.320 I agree because I remember when I was like younger, 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.800 maybe like early twenties, I met these kids and they 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:38.280 were just really emotionally intelligent and I kind of commented 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:40.280 on I can't remember where this was, but I remember 0:16:40.320 --> 0:16:42.760 the parents said, we just never spoke to them like 0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:45.880 they were babies. We always spoke to them like normally. 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.400 I think that obviously can work like resonate with some 0:16:49.480 --> 0:16:52.240 kids more so than others. Yeah, but it's an interesting 0:16:52.280 --> 0:16:54.480 way to kind of look at it, like I'm gonna 0:16:54.480 --> 0:16:57.000 stick to my reasoning with my toddler, who's idea of 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:57.360 what I'm. 0:16:57.280 --> 0:17:00.560 Talking Like, I one hundred percent always will reason with 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:04.320 Lenny and like explained him why. And when we were 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:06.960 setting up for Christmas, I don't know why this just 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.719 sprung into my mind, but it was quite funny. I 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.119 was letting them help up at my parents' house, but 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.800 like sort of around the back of the tree. And 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.800 then Evelyn was like, my mummy and Daddy let me 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:22.200 decorate our Christmas tree at home, and I said. 0:17:22.119 --> 0:17:23.119 The full sentences. 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:26.159 They're a little bit nicer than I am, then I 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:29.000 guess a little bit more rational. Then she goes, can 0:17:29.040 --> 0:17:33.240 I help with the tinsel? And I said, well, how 0:17:33.240 --> 0:17:37.800 about we have a lesson in cool tones versus warm tones? 0:17:38.320 --> 0:17:42.479 And why I'm not joking and you know you're laughing 0:17:42.520 --> 0:17:45.439 at me. Guess what four year old now knows the 0:17:45.480 --> 0:17:48.760 difference between cool tones and warm tones and can pick 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:49.200 them up. 0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:50.640 That is really funny. 0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:55.480 And she also asks me for my design ideas. Now 0:17:55.520 --> 0:17:57.200 when she would like to help me with something, she'd 0:17:57.200 --> 0:17:59.240 be like, I'd like you to teach me the design 0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:01.720 ideas behind that, because I'm like, how about we just 0:18:01.720 --> 0:18:03.440 sit down and have a look and map out where 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:04.320 the tinsel should go? 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.600 Yeah? Right, yeah, okay, So giving the context, she's a 0:18:07.600 --> 0:18:09.639 little bit older though, so she can probably comprehend that 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.800 a little bit more. Yeah, Len, I can. Lenn's pulling 0:18:12.800 --> 0:18:15.439 out cool tones versus warmth Oh my god, no, But 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:17.480 I was like, he's a genius. 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:22.119 But okay, if we're using Christmas an example. He wanted 0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:25.800 to help wrap the presence, and I explained to him 0:18:25.960 --> 0:18:28.280 why he couldn't wrap the presents because he would do 0:18:28.320 --> 0:18:30.880 an awful job because he doesn't have the skill set yet. 0:18:32.760 --> 0:18:35.760 But then I explained to him and showed him the 0:18:35.760 --> 0:18:38.199 whole process, and then he repeated a lot of the 0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:41.119 things back to me and started placing the tape in 0:18:41.160 --> 0:18:42.000 the correct spots. 0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:44.119 Oh that's lovely. Yeah, he helped in the way that 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:45.520 he could help exactly. 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:48.280 I just taught him that he was unable to help 0:18:48.280 --> 0:18:50.760 me in other ways because he would do an awful job. 0:18:51.359 --> 0:18:53.600