Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother Mer podcast.
Speaker 2: Muma Mer acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.
Speaker 2: This podcast is recorded on. This episode deals with a
Speaker 2: number of sensitive topics, including grief, pregnancy issues, and postnatal depression.
Speaker 2: Listener discretion is advised. There are some love stories that
Speaker 2: from day one just tug on the old heart strings.
Speaker 2: Nothing crazy, nothing dramatic, just old fashioned boy meets girl,
Speaker 2: they fall in love.
Speaker 3: And the rest is history.
Speaker 1: I didn't really know what love was. I didn't understand it,
Speaker 1: but I knew there was something, and honestly, from that
Speaker 1: first meeting, that was it. We fell madly in love.
Speaker 1: From that moment, I believed and I knew that I
Speaker 1: was living a fairy tale.
Speaker 2: But the thing with fairy tales is we never get
Speaker 2: the whole story. Is there really such thing as happily
Speaker 2: ever after forever?
Speaker 1: I do remember thinking it's too good to be true,
Speaker 1: and so I did have this in the back of
Speaker 1: my mind, and I would often think to myself, don't
Speaker 1: get too caught up in the fairy tale ash because
Speaker 1: it's too good.
Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.
Speaker 2: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the
Speaker 2: hearts of the very people who lived them. The year
Speaker 2: was two thousand and eight, actually was just seventeen, and
Speaker 2: the way you met boys back then was a little
Speaker 2: different to now, but the way she met Matt was
Speaker 2: different even for then.
Speaker 1: I had lost my grandfather to Leakemia, and that was
Speaker 1: actually my first experience with death, so I really struggled
Speaker 1: with that, and I decided to do some work with
Speaker 1: the Lakemia Foundation, and they have a really beautiful annual
Speaker 1: event called Light the Night, where each city hosts an
Speaker 1: event where you have beautiful lanterns and you do a
Speaker 1: city walk at sort of twilight, and different colored balloons
Speaker 1: represent whether you're honoring someone or remembering someone, or if
Speaker 1: you're a survivor. So I signed up to that event,
Speaker 1: and I didn't realize at the time that I was
Speaker 1: actually the youngest person to register for that event. So
Speaker 1: the local newspaper contacted me on behalf of the Leukemia
Speaker 1: Foundation and said, we'd just love to share the reason
Speaker 1: that you signed up to this event so that it
Speaker 1: might inspire others to join. And I just said, oh, sure,
Speaker 1: I'm happy too, and did that interview and gave a photograph,
Speaker 1: and I didn't think much of it. And then I
Speaker 1: remember the morning that that newspaper was published, and my
Speaker 1: dad walked in to the room and he just held
Speaker 1: up this paper and he said, oh my god, you
Speaker 1: are on the front page of the newspaper. And I
Speaker 1: was a bit mortified at seventeen years old. But what
Speaker 1: I didn't realize was that a few days later Matt
Speaker 1: would see that newspaper. His mum just happened to pick
Speaker 1: up the newspaper that day and he happened to see it.
Speaker 1: And from there he added me on Facebook. Sorry, he
Speaker 1: added me on MySpace because Facebook wasn't even a thing yet.
Speaker 1: He sent me a message and said, I think we
Speaker 1: should catch up. And in my head, I'm going read alert,
Speaker 1: read alert, absolutely not stranger danger, And I knew nothing
Speaker 1: about him. Complete strangers, no mutual friends, know nothing. There
Speaker 1: were a few back and forward messages and eventually I said.
Speaker 2: Yes, So, still a high school student, actually went to
Speaker 2: meet this twenty year old stranger at a cafe in town.
Speaker 1: I saw this tall, handsome guy, really well built, clearly athletic.
Speaker 1: He started telling me that he was really into cricket,
Speaker 1: and we had to meet late because he had cricket
Speaker 1: training first, so that was the priority, and I knew
Speaker 1: nothing about cricket. I was like, okay, I've got nothing here.
Speaker 1: I'm a ballerina. You play cricket like we are, so
Speaker 1: world's apart. And so that's all I knew of him.
Speaker 1: Was just that first meeting. We met up for the
Speaker 1: first time, and I think we were talking NonStop for
Speaker 1: about four hours straight. And it was a school night
Speaker 1: and I went, I've got to get home, like I'm
Speaker 1: still in grade twelve, and that was our first meeting,
Speaker 1: and it was just so easy, and that moment was
Speaker 1: just this feeling of I really like this guy. There's
Speaker 1: something about him that is just truly special. I don't
Speaker 1: know what it is, and I'd never really experienced that
Speaker 1: because I was only seventeen, so I didn't really know
Speaker 1: what love was. I didn't understand it, but I knew
Speaker 1: there was something. And honestly, from that first meeting, that
Speaker 1: was it. The first kiss happened on that first meeting
Speaker 1: that was prompted by me, and I just felt like,
Speaker 1: there's something wonderful about this guy. There was just this
Speaker 1: instant connection and instant safety and happiness. I think we
Speaker 1: only had maybe two or three dates until we made
Speaker 1: it official, and I remember him asking me to be
Speaker 1: his girlfriend, and it was an instant yes. It was like, well, obviously,
Speaker 1: it felt like the obvious step, like of course we
Speaker 1: were going to start dating and of course were going
Speaker 1: to be official. We didn't think we had anything in common,
Speaker 1: but then after meeting, we then made our life in common.
Speaker 1: So I chose to learn about cricket and you know,
Speaker 1: he appreciated ballet, and we appreciated each other's interests without
Speaker 1: ever hijacking or feeling that we needed to truly be
Speaker 1: part of that world. For me, it was very much
Speaker 1: around cricket's your thing, and I'll support you, but like
Speaker 1: you do you and vice versa. So we never had
Speaker 1: to really find commonalities because we just created new ones together.
Speaker 1: I think officially I said I love you at around
Speaker 1: six months I'd already been feeling it for a long time,
Speaker 1: and Matt said the same. He said, well, I love
Speaker 1: you too, and that was it. It was just like
Speaker 1: sort of this obvious statement that we just finally said
Speaker 1: out loud.
Speaker 2: That was that a young, happy, easy love, but that
Speaker 2: would make this a pretty short story, so let's delve
Speaker 2: into how these budding young romance progressed.
Speaker 1: Because I was seventeen and just finishing school. The first
Speaker 1: year was I was first year UNI. He was also
Speaker 1: in UNI, so we had completely random timetables through the day,
Speaker 1: and so there was a lot of just catching up
Speaker 1: when we could. You know, often, like Friday nights through
Speaker 1: to the weekend was sort of more formal time together
Speaker 1: and you know, actually arranging a proper date or a
Speaker 1: proper catch up with friends. But during the week we
Speaker 1: did have some time during classes where we could see
Speaker 1: each other or have a quick coffee or something like that.
Speaker 1: So it was very much just finding those little pieces
Speaker 1: of time to see each other. Sometimes that meant a
Speaker 1: drive by kiss, and so literally Matt would call and say,
Speaker 1: I'm driving home from UNI, but I've got to get home,
Speaker 1: usually for cricket training. But I'm driving past your house
Speaker 1: and I've got about two minutes. So it was worth
Speaker 1: it to just see him for two minutes. And I
Speaker 1: remember he would pull up at the house. He wouldn't
Speaker 1: even open the door he come in. He would literally
Speaker 1: just stay in the car and I'd run downstairs give
Speaker 1: him a kiss. And off he'd go to cricket training
Speaker 1: and all of these little micro moments which we just
Speaker 1: made work. And we just wanted to see each other,
Speaker 1: so we made the effort. And was it a detour, sure,
Speaker 1: but two minutes was better than nothing. He made me
Speaker 1: feel loved. He made me feel that together we were unstoppable,
Speaker 1: but that as an individual, I was also unstoppable. So
Speaker 1: he gave me such a self belief that I didn't
Speaker 1: really believe in myself. Do you hear stories that relationships
Speaker 1: can be hard work and that you've got to, you know,
Speaker 1: show up for each other. And I never felt that
Speaker 1: I felt happy. I felt safe because I was, and
Speaker 1: I just I never you know, I constantly lived on
Speaker 1: cloud nine. And it feels a little bit naive to
Speaker 1: think that life is like that, but I was in
Speaker 1: this complete fairy tale every day, whether it be going
Speaker 1: to the beach, going to the movies, you know, it's
Speaker 1: going to lunch. Often it was very mundane, normal things.
Speaker 1: We weren't doing anything extravagant. We weren't even trying to
Speaker 1: impress each other by paying for a beautiful lunch or
Speaker 1: going on a holiday. It was we actually newly just
Speaker 1: wanted to be together and if that meant doing the
Speaker 1: grocery shopping, so be it. There was never any feeling
Speaker 1: of pressure that we had to do anything. A lot
Speaker 1: of that came down to even moments, like Matt did
Speaker 1: a lot of work in regional Queensland and there were
Speaker 1: opportunities at times for me to just travel with him,
Speaker 1: and so there would be I remember a particular series
Speaker 1: of weekends where he was doing these clinics about probably
Speaker 1: four hour drive from Brisbane on the weekend. I mean, well,
Speaker 1: I work Monday to Friday, so I won't then see
Speaker 1: you on the weekend. So then I just decided to
Speaker 1: go with him, and so it just meant sitting in
Speaker 1: the car for four hours and then we would arrive,
Speaker 1: he would work and I would just sit in a
Speaker 1: cafe on my laptop working as well. But then we
Speaker 1: got four hours together because we just wanted to be together.
Speaker 1: And a lot of people thought, oh, that's crazy, then
Speaker 1: you've lost your weekend. Absolutely not, I've just gained eight
Speaker 1: hours in the car. So it was really simple stuff.
Speaker 1: Nothing I said, nothing extravagant, just genuinely being together. We
Speaker 1: never rushed anything because we never felt we needed to,
Speaker 1: and so there was just this really organic life that
Speaker 1: we had. I then moved out, and despite Matt living
Speaker 1: at home, he thought it would be really good for
Speaker 1: me to move out with a friend first. And he
Speaker 1: just said, I just think that you need that. I
Speaker 1: think that would be really great for you. And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, great idea. He was still living at
Speaker 1: home and we just continued life. Because we met so young,
Speaker 1: we were often spending a lot of time together in
Speaker 1: our family homes, and so Matt's family welcomed me with
Speaker 1: open arms and my family the same. So I often
Speaker 1: laughed because I always felt like Matt and my sister
Speaker 1: got along so well. And I used to joke, I'm like,
Speaker 1: am I the third wheel here? Because you guys are
Speaker 1: like really besties? And that was really beautiful for me.
Speaker 1: I am, you know, that protective big sister. And to
Speaker 1: see that my boyfriend and sister get along so beautifully
Speaker 1: just meant a lot to me. And so that was
Speaker 1: always really special. And to know that Matt was now
Speaker 1: already even in those early days, he was just part
Speaker 1: of our family, and really my family just sort of
Speaker 1: adopted this sort of no brainer approach, like, well, of course,
Speaker 1: he's part of our family, and that happened really early,
Speaker 1: so again that was another feeling of well, this is
Speaker 1: just meant to be. There was never any doubt in
Speaker 1: my mind that we would be together forever.
Speaker 2: By the time they'd both finished UNI and got jobs,
Speaker 2: the next step was natural.
Speaker 1: We decided to move in together. I would say it
Speaker 1: was only three months later that we then said, let's
Speaker 1: buy a house. So, yeah, we've done this living together,
Speaker 1: so we can sort of tick that off and now
Speaker 1: we can buy a house. And that's when we started
Speaker 1: looking for a house. That was like a really big decision.
Speaker 1: We also felt buying a house is a lot more
Speaker 1: serious than marriage at times, and so you know, big commitment.
Speaker 1: Any so, it was just confirmation of our relationship and
Speaker 1: that next step which felt super organic to us. And
Speaker 1: so that was the moment when I felt a bit
Speaker 1: more like an adult. I was twenty three when we
Speaker 1: bought our home, and yeah, that just felt so right
Speaker 1: for us. We put offers on one, we missed out
Speaker 1: due to you know, developers just offering cash that we
Speaker 1: could have never competed with, and then you know, we
Speaker 1: missed out on the second one. And then I was
Speaker 1: actually traveling for work, so I was in Fiji at
Speaker 1: the time, and Matt called me and he said, I
Speaker 1: found it. I found the one. I said, okay, well
Speaker 1: that's great, but I'm away so I can't see it.
Speaker 1: He said, yeah, yeah, I think we can wait. I
Speaker 1: think I can draw it out for a day. So
Speaker 1: I said okay, So arrived back. Matt picked me up
Speaker 1: from the airport. We drove past the house and he said,
Speaker 1: I've got to show you the house. So well, it's nighttime,
Speaker 1: I can't see anything, but sure, we'll drive past the house.
Speaker 1: And we pulled up in front of the house and
Speaker 1: he said, this is it. This is the one. And
Speaker 1: I looked at him and I got emotional, like I
Speaker 1: am now, and I said, this is our family home.
Speaker 1: And we just knew. I hadn't even been in it yet,
Speaker 1: we just knew it was the one. And so the
Speaker 1: next morning I had a quick inspection for all of
Speaker 1: ten minutes, and we put the offer in and we
Speaker 1: got it. I had these moments at multiple times in
Speaker 1: our relationship where I just would pinch myself and go,
Speaker 1: is this real? This relationship is so beautiful and so perfect,
Speaker 1: and everything's just falling into place so beautifully. So I
Speaker 1: would always feel so much gratitude that I got to
Speaker 1: have this love and be in this love. And then
Speaker 1: I also had the I guess, the awareness to also
Speaker 1: sit back and appreciate it and say, wow, not everyone
Speaker 1: gets this, How lucky am I to experience this? Living
Speaker 1: together felt exactly the same. It was so easy. We
Speaker 1: just moved in and it just felt right. It was
Speaker 1: just what was always meant to happen. And you know,
Speaker 1: even though it took a few years for us to
Speaker 1: do it, when we did move in, it was the
Speaker 1: perfect time and it felt like it was exactly how
Speaker 1: it was meant to be.
Speaker 3: So, dear listener, can you guess what happened next?
Speaker 1: Two years later, Matt took me back to the spot
Speaker 1: that we met for the first time. He had told
Speaker 1: me that we were actually having group dinner with some friends.
Speaker 1: So I told Matt, oh, I'm getting my nails done
Speaker 1: and so I'll just meet you at the restaurant later,
Speaker 1: and he said, yeah, yeah, perfect, I'll see you there.
Speaker 1: I arrived and I remember seeing him and it actually
Speaker 1: just recently had a shoulder injury, so he was meant
Speaker 1: to be wearing a sling and he didn't have it on.
Speaker 1: I thought, Oh, it's weird. And I arrived and I
Speaker 1: said to him, I said, where's your sling? Like you
Speaker 1: meant to be wearing that at all times. He said,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. Yeah, it kind of does, and then
Speaker 1: you know, I basically blinked and he was on one knee.
Speaker 1: And the most beautiful thing was that it was where
Speaker 1: we first met, basically within an inch. He made sure
Speaker 1: that we were in the exact same spot and nothing
Speaker 1: extravagant and absolutely perfect at the same time, because it
Speaker 1: was us. The wedding was so much fun to plan.
Speaker 1: We just really enjoyed it. We wanted one venue and
Speaker 1: we just wanted people to have fun, so it was
Speaker 1: really important to us that we keep it light. We
Speaker 1: deliberately planned the ceremony to be quite personal, and we
Speaker 1: shared a lot of stories, some of which our guests
Speaker 1: had never heard of before, so that was really nice
Speaker 1: to share those little surprises with them. But we deliberately
Speaker 1: had our ceremony very very personal and very intimate, which
Speaker 1: was lovely. And then we had a table tennis table
Speaker 1: at the reception and we just had it at a
Speaker 1: venue that also has mini golf. We're like, go and
Speaker 1: have fun like this is what our relationship is about,
Speaker 1: just spending time together. The most beautiful thing about getting
Speaker 1: married was absolutely nothing changed. I changed my last name
Speaker 1: and I got an extra ring on my finger, but
Speaker 1: that was it, you know, and that felt really beautiful
Speaker 1: to have that experience and to have this fairy tale
Speaker 1: love continue and to blossom once again. Cloud nine continued,
Speaker 1: The fairy tale continued, and this really felt like just
Speaker 1: the evolution of the fairy tale. It was just how
Speaker 1: the book was meant to be written. Nothing was really
Speaker 1: changing in our relationship except we were just probably getting
Speaker 1: more and more joy. We pretty much spent every moment
Speaker 1: together and completely by choice. Matt would also then drop
Speaker 1: me to work, so he would drive me to work,
Speaker 1: so we would have that commute together. Both of us
Speaker 1: had work trips, but usually only a few days at
Speaker 1: a time. I think the most we were probably apart
Speaker 1: was maybe two weeks. You know. Matt still continued his
Speaker 1: cricket so there was a lot of time that he
Speaker 1: would you have that time with his cricket club or
Speaker 1: working or hanging out with his mates and things like that.
Speaker 1: Absolutely and vice versa. But the majority of our time
Speaker 1: was together. Because we met so young, I built my
Speaker 1: adult life with Matt. He was a few years older,
Speaker 1: so he'd had a few years out in adulthood before
Speaker 1: we met, but ultimately we were so young, so we
Speaker 1: built our adult life together. So I didn't know anything
Speaker 1: any different to being an adult with Matt. I didn't
Speaker 1: know any different to being an adult in a relationship,
Speaker 1: to being a girlfriend and then a wife. That was
Speaker 1: just part of our life. I always felt very grateful.
Speaker 1: I think we really balanced each other out in that
Speaker 1: as well. Particularly in a work sense. It was due
Speaker 1: to the job I was doing. It was easy to
Speaker 1: get overwhelmed, and Matt would just balance it out and say, oh,
Speaker 1: it's actually not stressful. I'm like, oh, yeah, you're right,
Speaker 1: and vice versa. Sometimes, you know, Matt would need He
Speaker 1: would often send me some spreadsheets that needed formatting because
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do this. So we just
Speaker 1: had this really beautiful balance of knowing what our strengths
Speaker 1: are and how we could balance each other. I was
Speaker 1: a dreamer and I loved to think about what our
Speaker 1: future might look like, and I'd ask matter question, even
Speaker 1: it was something really trivial, and he would say, i'll
Speaker 1: talk to you before then, and it was this beautiful
Speaker 1: reassurance of like, don't get ahead of yourself, be present,
Speaker 1: I'll talk to you. Before then we never had that
Speaker 1: time of bickering or an argument. We didn't even raise
Speaker 1: voices like that was just not part of our relationship.
Speaker 1: And you know, often friends would confide in us or say, oh,
Speaker 1: this is going on for us, or we're struggling. And
Speaker 1: I found that really difficult because I would often respond
Speaker 1: and saying, oh, that sounds really hard. I was trying
Speaker 1: to be empathetic and trying to understand, but I actually
Speaker 1: had no idea. The only part of doubt that I
Speaker 1: ever had was this is too good to be true.
Speaker 1: How can you have something so perfect? How can everything
Speaker 1: be so easy? And then I felt such gratitude because
Speaker 1: here I am living it, so I know it's real.
Speaker 2: So here they were at twenty six. In twenty nine,
Speaker 2: Matt and Ash were married, living in their dream home,
Speaker 2: and just blissfully happy. Once again, the next step seemed inevitable.
Speaker 1: We wanted kids, We wanted to have kids present, We
Speaker 1: wanted to play games in the backyard, we wanted to
Speaker 1: watch them play sport, and that was it, you know,
Speaker 1: we then dreamed of you know, in the future. All
Speaker 1: we really said was we'd love to be married for
Speaker 1: a few year, let's enjoy married life, and then we'll
Speaker 1: think about our family. So that was as much planning
Speaker 1: and time frame that we put on, and then twenty
Speaker 1: twenty happened. In January, I lost my father in law,
Speaker 1: who I adored, and he had a very short and
Speaker 1: aggressive illness. In March, I was stood down from my
Speaker 1: job and I worked in travel, and so the industry
Speaker 1: was just decimated. So I stood down from a role
Speaker 1: that I really loved in a company that I loved.
Speaker 1: But it was in June that Matt and I found
Speaker 1: out that we were pregnant. We were so excited. We'd
Speaker 1: been trying for a little while. We really knew that
Speaker 1: we'd been married for a few years. We felt really
Speaker 1: great in terms of, you know, we've enjoyed a few
Speaker 1: years of married life. This feels like the next step.
Speaker 1: So we'd been trying, and yeah, to then find out
Speaker 1: pregnant was just amazing. We just had a private moment
Speaker 1: at home and found out together. I was six weeks
Speaker 1: pregnant at the time, so I needed an early scan
Speaker 1: and I remember the doctor saying there's three and that
Speaker 1: was it. It was just this really short sentence, and
Speaker 1: so Matt and I looked at each other and I
Speaker 1: said three what and he said three babies. The room
Speaker 1: just went quiet, and he said, let's go and have
Speaker 1: a chat, and the tone completely changed. So Matt and
Speaker 1: I had walked into this appointment feeling completely elated and
Speaker 1: just beyond excited to now feeling really confused. And it
Speaker 1: was at that point that the doctor explained to ask
Speaker 1: how high risk the pregnancy was, and the doctor said,
Speaker 1: it is highly unlikely that you will meet all three babies,
Speaker 1: so you need to go home and have a think
Speaker 1: about this. Walking into an appointment feeling so much joy
Speaker 1: and then walking out of an appointment to feel so
Speaker 1: deflated was something I'd never experienced. For all of these years,
Speaker 1: I'd lived this fairy tale and everything was fabulous, and
Speaker 1: that was the moment that really crushed me. And I
Speaker 1: remember sitting back in the car with Matt and we
Speaker 1: just looked at each other and I said, what just happened?
Speaker 1: And we were both in this state of shock, and
Speaker 1: he replied, I've got no idea. And we just had
Speaker 1: been given a bundle of paperwork to read through, and
Speaker 1: I just was like, I don't understand. And before he
Speaker 1: started the car to drive off, I looked at him
Speaker 1: and I said, we will meet three babies. There's no
Speaker 1: decision to be made. And he grabbed my hand. He said,
Speaker 1: there's no decision. We're pregnant and they're going to be okay.
Speaker 1: And then we drove off, knowing we're pregnant with triplets,
Speaker 1: and we said to each other that we really wanted
Speaker 1: to allow ourselves to feel the shock. So we went
Speaker 1: home and we said, let's just sit in this emotion
Speaker 1: for a bit and have that processing time. And then
Speaker 1: I don't remember Matt saying, let's give ourselves twenty four hours,
Speaker 1: but at twenty four hours that's it. We're positive and
Speaker 1: we never think negatively again. And it wasn't a negative
Speaker 1: thought that we went through. We were just in shock
Speaker 1: and processing. And he said, but after that point, that's it,
Speaker 1: and we both agreed. I was like, yes, absolutely, and
Speaker 1: we did that. So we allowed ourselves to just process
Speaker 1: and then we went this is the best thing ever,
Speaker 1: because it was. And so that was a really important
Speaker 1: part of our pregnancy journey, was to allow that feeling,
Speaker 1: not fight it, but just to allow it and then
Speaker 1: go and we're making the choice now, and aside from shock,
Speaker 1: we've never felt any negativity or any thoughts of we
Speaker 1: shouldn't go ahead with this or anything like that. And
Speaker 1: every pregnancy is different, of course, and for us it
Speaker 1: was just okay, you know, we've been hopeful for one
Speaker 1: and now blessed with three. We are so lucky. And
Speaker 1: that was then, you know, the joy returned and we went, okay, well,
Speaker 1: now we need to figure out how we actually do this.
Speaker 1: It was a rollercoaster, yeah, but it were a really
Speaker 1: defining moment in our relationship as well, to support each
Speaker 1: other through a you know, a tricky situation, but then
Speaker 1: to choose the joy and to choose to step forward
Speaker 1: together in that really united mindset. We also then made
Speaker 1: the decision to tell our family members then, because we
Speaker 1: knew that we would need support, and so we shared
Speaker 1: the news very early with our parents, so with my
Speaker 1: parents and then Matt's mum. It was a really welcomed,
Speaker 1: joyful news because for the first you know, six months
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty, we had been living in the grief
Speaker 1: of losing that dad and that affected all of us
Speaker 1: in different ways, and so to have this joyful news
Speaker 1: was really special and it never took away from the
Speaker 1: heartache that we were still navigating, but it was like
Speaker 1: this glimmer of hope, like, oh, okay, there is now
Speaker 1: something to look forward to. Because it was also at
Speaker 1: a time of COVID, right, so there was so much
Speaker 1: collective heaviness in the world and uncertainty, and so this
Speaker 1: was this little glimmer of hope and shock factor as
Speaker 1: well because there's three babies coming now, so I think
Speaker 1: everyone was really processing, but above all, there was so
Speaker 1: much joy and something to look forward to. So life
Speaker 1: sort of continued and you know, we just sort of
Speaker 1: went about our normal days and that was really yeah,
Speaker 1: this June time for us. It was then in August
Speaker 1: that Matt and I celebrated our wedding anniversary at our
Speaker 1: third wedding anniversary, and I didn't know it would be
Speaker 1: our last together. It was the following week that Matt
Speaker 1: went out for his normal morning run, but he didn't
Speaker 1: return home. He went out for his run and I said, well,
Speaker 1: I'll jump in the shower so that when you get
Speaker 1: home we're ready for the day. I got out of
Speaker 1: the shower and I thought to myself, I need to
Speaker 1: cite Matt, and I had no emotion connected to that statement.
Speaker 1: I didn't think anything was wrong. I didn't think anything
Speaker 1: was right. I just said it completely factually, and I
Speaker 1: got in the car. I hadn't done my hair and makeup.
Speaker 1: My hair was still wet from the shower, and I
Speaker 1: just got in the car and I drove, and I
Speaker 1: drove probably five hundred meters at most, and I found him.
Speaker 1: He was hit by a car. The accident had already happened,
Speaker 1: and the police officer said to me, did you hear
Speaker 1: the sirens? Said now, I think I.
Speaker 4: Just needed to be here.
Speaker 1: And I still don't know why I was there. All
Speaker 1: I can think of is that Matt came to me,
Speaker 1: and he came to get me. I think he wanted
Speaker 1: me close because we were always together. The officials on site,
Speaker 1: they wouldn't let me go to Matt. I was begging,
Speaker 1: and they told me that I couldn't go over there,
Speaker 1: and I remember just being in a real state of shock.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to be with my husband. I remember
Speaker 1: vividly what I said back to the officer when he
Speaker 1: told me the news. First thing I said is I
Speaker 1: need to call his mum.
Speaker 4: And the police officer said, you can't do that, We'll
Speaker 4: do that, And it was almost that comment that made
Speaker 4: me realize how bad this was.
Speaker 1: And so that's when my life changed in an instant.
Speaker 1: I was seventeen weeks pregnant and I'd just become a widow.
Speaker 1: There's elements of the day that are completely blurry and
Speaker 1: other elements that are so vivid. I can recall sense,
Speaker 1: I can recall sounds. I remember going home, so my
Speaker 1: parents had then been called and had arrived at the
Speaker 1: scene to collect me. And when I got back to
Speaker 1: the house, I remember sitting on our couch completely glazed over.
Speaker 1: My eyes were open, but I wasn't really there and
Speaker 1: I was just gazing into the distance. And my mother
Speaker 1: in law arrived and I just remember hearing my mom
Speaker 1: saying she hasn't cried yet, and I was just in
Speaker 1: the absolute shock. And then I remember at night, so
Speaker 1: my family and I we all went to my sister's house.
Speaker 1: I remember saying to Mom, I'm scared to go to
Speaker 1: sleep and I'm scared to be awake. And that was
Speaker 1: really when the fear set in of the reality of
Speaker 1: the situation. Now the coming days were more blurry. I
Speaker 1: was unable to walk, so my body completely shut down.
Speaker 1: I didn't walk for five days because I just I
Speaker 1: physically couldn't. It was such a strange feeling. But I
Speaker 1: couldn't lift my body at all. So my dad would
Speaker 1: lift me out of bed in the morning, he'd carry
Speaker 1: me to the bathroom, put me on the bathroom floor.
Speaker 1: My mum and sister would undress me and shower at
Speaker 1: me and dress me again, and then my dad would
Speaker 1: carry me to the couch and I would la that
Speaker 1: the whole day. I was unable to even lift my head,
Speaker 1: so my family got some liquid meals and they fed
Speaker 1: me through a straw because I just couldn't do anything.
Speaker 1: I didn't have any capacity for anything physically, mentally, emotionally.
Speaker 1: It was just all going to the babies to keep
Speaker 1: them alive, because we'd already been told at that six
Speaker 1: week mark that I could loose them at any time,
Speaker 1: and so I was so fearful of losing them. Everyone
Speaker 1: sort of shares that, oh, you know, you should be
Speaker 1: excited in pregnancy and you should be joyful, And I've
Speaker 1: just had the most extreme loss not just of my
Speaker 1: husband but also the life that we dreamed. You know,
Speaker 1: we'd imagined this family life that he's now not here for.
Speaker 1: I'm now a solo mum, and I've had this moment
Speaker 1: of I'm grieving our family life, but a family life
Speaker 1: that never even started and that will never be. Our
Speaker 1: kids never get to hear Matt's voice, They never hear
Speaker 1: Daddy say I love you, they never get to feel
Speaker 1: his hug, and so I'm already grieving for our kids,
Speaker 1: for the life that they will miss out on and
Speaker 1: the life that Matt misses too with them.
Speaker 2: Through all of this, I actually had to keep fighting.
Speaker 2: She had as scare with the babies at twenty weeks,
Speaker 2: and the doctors told her for them to survive, she'd
Speaker 2: need to make it to at least twenty four.
Speaker 1: I thought, at that moment, the last three weeks I've
Speaker 1: feen absolute hell. I don't know if I can do
Speaker 1: another four. And at the same time, I had no
Speaker 1: choice because I was carrying our babies. And I put
Speaker 1: up my hand and I said I need help. I
Speaker 1: need to book a psychologist. And I said, Mom, I
Speaker 1: need you to help me book this. And that allowed
Speaker 1: me an hour to cry and to just get some
Speaker 1: thoughts out. But then basically as soon as that appointment ended,
Speaker 1: and it was all on a telehealth also during COVID,
Speaker 1: but I then would just hang up the phone and
Speaker 1: then that was it. I was back to the laptop,
Speaker 1: back to doing the ADMIN because I didn't have time.
Speaker 1: And as much as I felt I needed to sit
Speaker 1: in the grief and process, the reality was is, like
Speaker 1: I said, I could lose or welcome our babies at
Speaker 1: any point, so I then need to be ready for that.
Speaker 1: The obstetrician had then said, Ash, I know you're working
Speaker 1: through the grief, but I need you to start preparing
Speaker 1: for PREMI babies because that's a different type of mental, physical,
Speaker 1: and emotional load and at this point in time, you're
Speaker 1: not ready. And of course my reaction is I've got enough.
Speaker 1: I don't have any capacity. And she gave me a
Speaker 1: book and the book's called Just a Moment Too Soon,
Speaker 1: and it's written by nurses and midwives, but also in
Speaker 1: a way that anyone can read and it makes sense.
Speaker 1: And it's written in chapters that are by week, so
Speaker 1: once you get first to that viability stage of twenty
Speaker 1: four weeks, it's then by chapter by week. And I
Speaker 1: was reading the book in line with how far along
Speaker 1: I was in the pregnancy, and so I would finish
Speaker 1: a chapter and feel so relieved because I got through
Speaker 1: the chapter, which meant I got through that week. I
Speaker 1: think the hardest bit of that as well is that
Speaker 1: not only was I doing this without Matt, but when
Speaker 1: you've got that ninety percent overlap, I'm doing it without me.
Speaker 1: I've only got ten percent left, and that ten percent
Speaker 1: is pretty broken right now, so there's not much to
Speaker 1: show up with and to be in that dark space,
Speaker 1: to be that overwhelm isolation. I'm living it and this
Speaker 1: was my life. But also none of my friends understand
Speaker 1: what I'm going through. Like there is that added element
Speaker 1: of isolation too is that I'm alone because I'm a widow,
Speaker 1: and I'm alone because I don't relate to anyone now.
Speaker 1: No one stands and as much as everyone tries to
Speaker 1: help and lovingly help, you don't get it. So that
Speaker 1: adds to the to the grief as well. A lot
Speaker 1: of people say that, you, you know, just take it
Speaker 1: one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Speaker 1: I was only capable of taking it ten minutes at
Speaker 1: a time, and then I was able to slowly build
Speaker 1: up from that and to chip away at it, I suppose,
Speaker 1: And you know, some days I would do twenty minutes
Speaker 1: at a time, and then the next it was five.
Speaker 1: I was twenty nine years old when all of this
Speaker 1: was happening. You know, I'm still this young girl trying
Speaker 1: to navigate a world that I didn't even really well.
Speaker 1: I still don't understand it. I'm in it, but this
Speaker 1: is not how you imagine the last year of your twenties.
Speaker 2: Against all odds, actually took all three of her babies
Speaker 2: through to thirty four weeks. It was a miracle, but
Speaker 2: it only opened the next chapter of an unfathomable grief.
Speaker 1: Obviously, I was incredibly emotional going into the birth, mainly
Speaker 1: the of all three babies arriving, because I still until
Speaker 1: they were here, they weren't here, and so desperately missing that.
Speaker 1: And at the same time I really felt that he
Speaker 1: was there. So that was quite a confronting feeling, because
Speaker 1: it was almost this feeling of your so close and
Speaker 1: so far, and so this real difficult feeling of trying
Speaker 1: to reach him and I couldn't, And it's a really
Speaker 1: hard feeling to explain because it's almost so confusing. And
Speaker 1: then you should be here, but you're not and I
Speaker 1: don't understand this. And then I'm trying to be present
Speaker 1: for their birth and I just I just remember feeling
Speaker 1: so I think lost because I didn't know how I
Speaker 1: was meant to feel, because it was at that moment
Speaker 1: of intense grief with relief that they were here, and
Speaker 1: I was just really caught in the middle of those
Speaker 1: two emotions. And when those emotions are not just there
Speaker 1: but completely heightened, I was just paralyzed with fear. I think,
Speaker 1: just completely overwhelmed. Then we had five weeks in Nku,
Speaker 1: which is a pretty intense environment, and I never understood
Speaker 1: Nicu or I never understood what premi babies really meant.
Speaker 1: I just thought premi babies was, you know, we're little babies,
Speaker 1: and I just never had experience with that before. And
Speaker 1: then I was thrust into this world of birthing triplets
Speaker 1: born prematurely and then entering Nku and having this experience,
Speaker 1: which is confronting at the best of times, to now
Speaker 1: be in that environment without fragile babies and doing it alone.
Speaker 1: My family were with me every minute of the day there,
Speaker 1: and I was still alone. And I'm in hospital in Niku,
Speaker 1: seeing dads with their babies. So Niku is an open
Speaker 1: room and there are multiple babies in the same room,
Speaker 1: and so the families come to visit and they're with
Speaker 1: them the whole day. So here I am still navigating grief.
Speaker 1: You know, I've just lost my husband seventeen weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and I'm seeing dads hold their babies right in front
Speaker 1: of me, and so just the complete overwhelm of emotion
Speaker 1: and trying to be a mum and trying to show
Speaker 1: up and do all the things, and just this constant
Speaker 1: feeling of, you know, this relentless struggle or feeling of
Speaker 1: doesn't matter how strong I am or how much I
Speaker 1: show up, it's not enough, and still feeling like we're fighting.
Speaker 1: I never felt, honestly, for the first year that I
Speaker 1: actually took a full breath. I felt that physically that
Speaker 1: I held my breath. I felt it in my body
Speaker 1: that I was bracing, and it was because I had
Speaker 1: evidence that things continue to happen. So don't feel joy,
Speaker 1: don't feel anything, just brace because if you brace, you
Speaker 1: might be able to minimize the emotion, it might not
Speaker 1: feel as heavy. So I lived in this state of fear,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I was holding my breath for
Speaker 1: a year, and I still remember that feeling in isolation.
Speaker 1: All of these events are tragic, they are intense, and
Speaker 1: then I'm dealing with it all together in one go.
Speaker 1: And it was just this complete feeling of overwhelm and
Speaker 1: so finding joy for someone that was previously joyful, carefree,
Speaker 1: didn't even think about it to now having to work
Speaker 1: incredibly hard to not even get to a state of joy,
Speaker 1: but to get to a state of neutral took an
Speaker 1: enormous amount of energy. We spent a total of five
Speaker 1: weeks in the hospital and then we were finally able
Speaker 1: to return home, and that was the first time that
Speaker 1: I went home to our house. It was really important
Speaker 1: to me that the babies go home. Returning home, I
Speaker 1: just kept hearing that conversation that Matt and I had
Speaker 1: had in the car that day, that night that we
Speaker 1: bought the house. This is our family home. And as
Speaker 1: much as my family said, you know, of course we
Speaker 1: can have the babies here, like, we'll figure out the
Speaker 1: best setup, I was adamant that we were going home.
Speaker 2: On top of all of this, and perhaps unsurprisingly, Ashley
Speaker 2: was then diagnosed with postnatal depression.
Speaker 1: There were already sort of red flags you know widow triplets,
Speaker 1: Niku PREMI. You know, there was a lot that was
Speaker 1: already not great for me. And so I remember when
Speaker 1: she did the assessment, she said, oh, just give me
Speaker 1: a minute, and she walked out and she came back
Speaker 1: in and she said, so you've got postnatal depression. And
Speaker 1: I remember looking at her. I remember exactly where she
Speaker 1: was sitting on the day bed with the sun in
Speaker 1: the background, and I looked at her and said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I know. But then I told her I don't know
Speaker 1: what's depression, what's grief, and what's hormones, because it's all
Speaker 1: of it at the same time, he's a new mother.
Speaker 1: A lot of comments are often you know, trust your
Speaker 1: gut and you're a mum, you'll know what to do.
Speaker 1: I didn't have any of that. I didn't have an
Speaker 1: ounce of confidence in myself. And now you're giving me.
Speaker 1: You know, I've already got the label of widow. I'm
Speaker 1: already a solo mum, and now you're telling me I've
Speaker 1: got postnatal depression. I don't have the capacity for anymore.
Speaker 1: For the first or at least twelve months, I was
Speaker 1: getting three to four hours of broken sleep at night,
Speaker 1: and I just put it down to adrenaline was keeping
Speaker 1: me going basically, and I had nothing left to give
Speaker 1: I and I look back now as a level of
Speaker 1: hindsight to think, oh, I shouldn't have been so hard
Speaker 1: on myself, But as a coping strategy as well, it
Speaker 1: was important to me that I show up for everything
Speaker 1: that's not here. I am here. If there's a nappy
Speaker 1: to change, I'll do it. If there's a bottle to
Speaker 1: be fit, I'll do it. As much as there was
Speaker 1: a lot of help around, I needed to do the babies,
Speaker 1: that was really important to me, so I yeah, I
Speaker 1: did have overnight help as well, and there was a
Speaker 1: period where I did have a night nanny so that
Speaker 1: I could get some sleep. Ninety five percent of the
Speaker 1: time I was doing it all, which wasn't great for
Speaker 1: my health in hindsight, but in that moment it was
Speaker 1: incredibly important to me. And I also don't have any
Speaker 1: regrets because I knew that I needed that too as
Speaker 1: part of my healing. I remember the impact that that
Speaker 1: did have on me, though of course I was already
Speaker 1: navigating the emotional stuff, but physically I lost a lot
Speaker 1: of weight and I think I might have been forty
Speaker 1: five kilos, so you could see the weight, you know,
Speaker 1: the skin just hanging off my face, you could see
Speaker 1: my rib cage. I looked really sick, and I was
Speaker 1: so depleted, and it was the physical body was now
Speaker 1: showing what was actually going inside of me, and it
Speaker 1: was not a lot. Every ounce of energy, every ounce
Speaker 1: of happiness that I mustered together was going to the
Speaker 1: babies and there was nothing left. So that was what
Speaker 1: the first year was. It was truly survival, and it
Speaker 1: was giving every ounce of love to our babies. And
Speaker 1: then I really started on my journey of going, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm not in a good way and I need to
Speaker 1: make some change here. And I had cried every day
Speaker 1: for three hundred and sixty five days, and I don't
Speaker 1: mean like a tear, I mean at least one full
Speaker 1: blown emotional meltdown, totally valid all things considered. But it
Speaker 1: was that realization of even being around the joy of
Speaker 1: the babies that I'd realized I had cried every day
Speaker 1: for three hundred and sixty five days. And it was
Speaker 1: that moment that I decided, I don't want our babies
Speaker 1: to only know me as sad mummy. I'm dealing with
Speaker 1: enough they've got a long road ahead too. I need
Speaker 1: to get help and I need to create change so
Speaker 1: that we can live a joyful life and that we
Speaker 1: can truly feel joy. So that was really the moment
Speaker 1: as well, that I had lived this year of survival
Speaker 1: and I was now ready to prioritize my health. Truly.
Speaker 1: I'd been doing the psychology the whole way through, but
Speaker 1: there was more work that I needed to do. I
Speaker 1: also decided to return to work, and so I knew
Speaker 1: that I was in a state of if I don't
Speaker 1: make change, I'm going to stay in this bubble and
Speaker 1: I'm going to find it harder to get out. So
Speaker 1: I needed to start making some changes, really slow changes.
Speaker 1: So I initially put the kids into daycare one day
Speaker 1: a week, and that happened for six months, and then
Speaker 1: I found the strength to return to work one day
Speaker 1: a week. So everything was super tiny, and that's because
Speaker 1: I actually didn't have the capacity to do anything more
Speaker 1: than that. So I would drop them at daycare. It
Speaker 1: took me about a month to even leave the room.
Speaker 1: So for a long time they were just doing like
Speaker 1: a one hour play date, and they kept saying, Ash,
Speaker 1: you know, you meant to leave and drop them off
Speaker 1: so they can get used to it, and I actually couldn't.
Speaker 1: So I had to be really deliberate with what I
Speaker 1: was capable with and what I was able to handle,
Speaker 1: because I knew that if I got that wrong, I
Speaker 1: would send myself into sort of a worse spiral. So
Speaker 1: I had to be really protective of my mental health initially.
Speaker 1: And then, like I said, I returned to work one
Speaker 1: day week just to ease back into it and just
Speaker 1: take it slow. So that was really the steps that
Speaker 1: I made to get myself back again.
Speaker 2: It was a long, slow and at times debilitating journey,
Speaker 2: but bit by bit, Ash was able to start to
Speaker 2: build herself up and as best she could embrace this
Speaker 2: new life that had been thrust upon her.
Speaker 1: I would say last year, so I would say four
Speaker 1: years after the accident is when I started to look
Speaker 1: in the mirror and see a glimpse of Ash. I
Speaker 1: still look in the mirror and I don't recognize myself.
Speaker 1: I'm not the same person and I never will be.
Speaker 1: I can see deep down she's in there. I'm a
Speaker 1: new version of Ash now and I'm a mum to
Speaker 1: beautiful triplets. So that's the new woman that I see
Speaker 1: in the mirror. I really miss a lot of the
Speaker 1: old version of Ash. But there is a new version now.
Speaker 1: So that's who I see now, and that's the woman
Speaker 1: that I'm becoming. And yeah, the old Ash will never return.
Speaker 1: And I think part of this healing journey has also
Speaker 1: been to I don't think I'll ever accept it, but
Speaker 1: to acknowledge that she's not coming back. And that's incredibly
Speaker 1: hard for me. But I realized that when I lost Matt,
Speaker 1: I lost myself. I have felt Matt every every moment
Speaker 1: since he passed. I've never questioned that I feel him,
Speaker 1: I hear him, I see him, and even though it
Speaker 1: was going home to an empty home, it was because
Speaker 1: he was with us anyway. So I know he's still
Speaker 1: with us, and it's just in a different way. I
Speaker 1: don't think there was a moment where I had, you know,
Speaker 1: the penny drop moment he's actually gone. I think after
Speaker 1: the accident, I continued to wake up and I thought
Speaker 1: that every morning, because even though I was at the scene,
Speaker 1: I definitely had a moment of disbelief, and so I thought,
Speaker 1: maybe he just got lost on his run and he's
Speaker 1: just still coming home. And I think maybe it was
Speaker 1: more just as every day passed, I got further away
Speaker 1: from that. And so it was this gradual realization that
Speaker 1: this is my life now and I am alone, and
Speaker 1: I've never reconciled that, and I don't think I ever will.
Speaker 1: The magnitude of the loss, yeah, I think because we
Speaker 1: were so connected, I guess that just hasn't gone. I mean,
Speaker 1: obviously physically I've lost him, and I've lost the conversation,
Speaker 1: the companionship, and I still feel connected to him. Still
Speaker 1: make decisions, you know, particularly for the kids, but just
Speaker 1: generally speaking, I make decisions with him in mind, like
Speaker 1: he is so present in my mind that I never
Speaker 1: doubt that he's not here. And you know, I still
Speaker 1: catch myself saying our bedroom, or we've decided to do this,
Speaker 1: and then I go, oh, I mean I no, it
Speaker 1: is we. And so it just feels this really strange
Speaker 1: feeling of it is us. It's different, but it is
Speaker 1: still that. And I know that people have different beliefs
Speaker 1: of that, and people can struggle with that thought process.
Speaker 1: But to the kids and I, he is present and
Speaker 1: he is here. They definitely look like him. They've got
Speaker 1: his eyes, and there is so much that they do.
Speaker 1: That kind of startles me and I go, oh, that's Daddy,
Speaker 1: And it's heartbreaking and beautiful at the same time because
Speaker 1: I see it and I go, oh, my gosh, he's
Speaker 1: so close again, and yeah, it just feels perfect and
Speaker 1: beautiful that he's so close. The most important thing for
Speaker 1: me is that they know how much Daddy loves them.
Speaker 1: So I've never been able to say Mummy loves you.
Speaker 1: I can only say Mummy and Daddy love you because
Speaker 1: I am now his voice, and so I make sure
Speaker 1: that they know that. And I'm constantly sharing stories and memories.
Speaker 1: And I'm also allowing them, particularly as they get older,
Speaker 1: you know, to ask questions, but to also include Matt
Speaker 1: how they want to. You know, it's not about me
Speaker 1: projecting grief, but it is about me sharing this is
Speaker 1: your dad, and these are all of the amazing story
Speaker 1: that I have of him. Sometimes they will now ask
Speaker 1: me to play Daddy's music. You know, they know his
Speaker 1: favorite songs, and you know, unprompted, they will ask for
Speaker 1: that and they love singing along, and so you know,
Speaker 1: it's allowing them to also include him if and when
Speaker 1: they feel it too. We have a lot of photos
Speaker 1: around the house and they will often talk to those photos.
Speaker 1: They talk about him every day. You know, he is
Speaker 1: super present, and it's just in really simple, sort of
Speaker 1: mundane tasks that we just talk about him, and it's
Speaker 1: sort of Yeah, it's really up to them as well
Speaker 1: as to how much they want to ask or talk
Speaker 1: about him. It's really lovely seeing as they're getting older,
Speaker 1: how they yeah, how they include him every day that passes.
Speaker 1: I do fear getting more distant to Matt, and I
Speaker 1: know that there will be a point where I've been
Speaker 1: without Matt longer than I was with him, and I'm
Speaker 1: really fearful of that. We've just celebrated another anniversary, another milestone,
Speaker 1: and it was because we married so late into our relationship,
Speaker 1: I've had more wedding anniversaries without him, and so that
Speaker 1: was our really really tough day. So while I do
Speaker 1: fear it, I know he's with us, but it's not
Speaker 1: in the same way. And so I fear forgetting even
Speaker 1: though I know I talk about him all the time
Speaker 1: and I look at photos and I do all of
Speaker 1: the things, but I'll still.
Speaker 3: Carry that fear through everything.
Speaker 2: Actually, it's not only been able to find but create
Speaker 2: joy and beauty in every aspect of her life, both
Speaker 2: in spite of and because of what she's weathered since
Speaker 2: losing man. She's gone on to create a platform for
Speaker 2: other widows, knowing all too well what someone has to
Speaker 2: go through while also trying to navigate grief.
Speaker 1: So I decided to create Yellow Falcon, and I created
Speaker 1: it for the girl that I am, not just for
Speaker 1: the girl that I was when I first lost Matt,
Speaker 1: but for the girl that I still am. I was
Speaker 1: the widow tralling the Internet trying to find not just
Speaker 1: information as to that death admin that needs to happen,
Speaker 1: or you know, the feelings and the scenarios that I
Speaker 1: will go through, but also the community because I felt
Speaker 1: so lost and I didn't know. I didn't know that
Speaker 1: there were other widows out there. You know, often widow
Speaker 1: is associated with an older lady who loses her husband
Speaker 1: later in life, which is somewhat expected. So I created
Speaker 1: this space because I realized that it didn't exist, and
Speaker 1: I also wanted to create something that was practical, because
Speaker 1: a lot of grief support is the emotional support, it's
Speaker 1: counseling services, it's support groups that is important. There's a
Speaker 1: lot of practical that is included to as becoming a widow.
Speaker 1: So yellow Falcon is the combination of both. It is
Speaker 1: a place to be, to be seen, and it is
Speaker 1: yellow because it is joyful and there is hope. And
Speaker 1: we're not defined by the darkness, We're not defined by
Speaker 1: the tragedy. We are the falcon rising above the storm.
Speaker 1: But falcon is also the bird that is quite powerful
Speaker 1: and peaceful. So what I've created is a checklist of
Speaker 1: all of the death admin of which there is a lot.
Speaker 1: And I had no idea because I was trolling government
Speaker 1: websites and utility company websites and it's just everywhere. There
Speaker 1: is no one place, and you're already like sleep deprived,
Speaker 1: trying to navigate grief and you're just trying to find
Speaker 1: the information, and often the government sites are just in
Speaker 1: gibberish and like, I don't even know what that means means.
Speaker 1: So I created this to have everything in one place,
Speaker 1: and then I built the course. So I've built the
Speaker 1: Confident Widow Course, which is all about sharing the scenarios
Speaker 1: and the situations that we face as widows, and it's
Speaker 1: doing it in a way that's super easy, like seven
Speaker 1: minute video and then a workbook for you to just
Speaker 1: work through your individual situation. But what I'm really proud
Speaker 1: of is that I've also put with it all of
Speaker 1: the templates that you need to document all of the
Speaker 1: phone calls. I love a spreadsheet, so this is like
Speaker 1: my love language, and I am able to now gift
Speaker 1: this in a way that feels really purposeful. So there
Speaker 1: are templates to share and to relieve some of the
Speaker 1: mental load. And there's also all of the scripts. So
Speaker 1: I've got over seventy four scripts and messages. And this
Speaker 1: is everything from calling the bank and knowing what to
Speaker 1: say to get through to the right department, what documents
Speaker 1: you need to have available for that phone call, what
Speaker 1: questions they may ask you, but even like a text
Speaker 1: message that you could send to a friend to ask
Speaker 1: them to pets at your cap Like I wanted it
Speaker 1: to be everything, because there's so much mental loads. So
Speaker 1: that's the course. I've got a whole module on like
Speaker 1: financial and legal foundations and what you just need to
Speaker 1: get by until you can speak to a professional navigating
Speaker 1: grief with kids. So just trying to be that really holistic.
Speaker 1: And I never expected to work in grief, and I
Speaker 1: feel so aligned and everything I've created I've done and
Speaker 1: I've lived it. I've just consolidated it now and I'm
Speaker 1: now sharing it. It feels humbling and sad because when
Speaker 1: I created this initially, I created the checklist and I
Speaker 1: shared it with a funeral director as well as a
Speaker 1: grief and drama specialist, and I said, if I'm going
Speaker 1: to share this, I want to check that it's right,
Speaker 1: and between the two of them, highly experienced, they had
Speaker 1: one top point to add. And that's when I had
Speaker 1: a big cry because I realized that I had done
Speaker 1: it all and I sort of hadn't really processed that.
Speaker 1: And so doing this work now feels like I'm really
Speaker 1: proud of it, and I'm still in disbelief that I've
Speaker 1: done it now, created this and then sharing it. So
Speaker 1: I always feel both, yeah, that the sadness is always there,
Speaker 1: and I know how helpful this can be. So I
Speaker 1: feel really proud that I might be able to give
Speaker 1: some light and some hope to someone because I know
Speaker 1: the darkness they are in. There's a lot that's different
Speaker 1: with new Ash. She's a lot more resilient. She's also
Speaker 1: a lot more fragile, and she's still working on her joy.
Speaker 1: There is a lot there, but she's a lot more
Speaker 1: maybe cautious, and she's been through a lot. There's a
Speaker 1: few things that come out of trauma because I can
Speaker 1: vividly recall sounds, smells. Like I said, the time of
Speaker 1: the day, multiple things are a trigger, and that is
Speaker 1: due to trauma. I don't cross the road unless it's
Speaker 1: out a set of traffic lights. I'm very traumatized by that.
Speaker 1: I'm very aware of road safety, especially with the kids.
Speaker 1: We've actually just returned from a little holiday with some
Speaker 1: friends of ours and a beautiful you know, six families
Speaker 1: that we've met through daycare, and I definitely had some
Speaker 1: tears behind closed doors. Seeing a dad with the family
Speaker 1: unit is hard watching, you know, dads build sand castles
Speaker 1: with their kids, hearing the kids laugh at dad, you know,
Speaker 1: dad jokes and that sort of thing. But even seeing
Speaker 1: parents co parent and be able to tag team, you know,
Speaker 1: on this holiday, they're tag teaming parenting, they're tag teaming
Speaker 1: the chores. They're even having a little nap during the day,
Speaker 1: and like all well and good, no hard feelings, and
Speaker 1: it's also really confronting, and you know, the easier thing
Speaker 1: would have been for me to have declined that trip
Speaker 1: and said, you know what, too much, can't do it. Thanks,
Speaker 1: but no thanks, and then we would have missed the
Speaker 1: joy because this beautiful friendship circle also allowed me to
Speaker 1: experience that for a brief moment. And these friends also
Speaker 1: support the kids and I and they also help me
Speaker 1: to give these memories to the kids. They were helping
Speaker 1: me with the kids on their bikes, and so they
Speaker 1: make sure while they're creating their memories, there's also group memory.
Speaker 1: But they're supporting me to help make memories with our
Speaker 1: kids too, and so there are things that are triggering,
Speaker 1: there's still that joy. So that's where I'm finding joy
Speaker 1: now and it's not the same and it is in
Speaker 1: parallel with heartbreak, but I wouldn't have got that had
Speaker 1: we not gone on that trip, for example, I would
Speaker 1: have missed that. And we have come away with beautiful
Speaker 1: memories and we've had a lot of fun. I'm exhausted
Speaker 1: because I've done everything for four days. There's no naps
Speaker 1: on my schedule, there's no tag teaming, and I am here,
Speaker 1: that's not I am and I get to do those things.
Speaker 1: So it's never a feeling of jealousy towards our friends
Speaker 1: or to anyone else, any other family. Of course I
Speaker 1: feel sad, but I get to do these things. I
Speaker 1: get to show up for our kids, and there is
Speaker 1: a lot of beauty in that. The future looks like
Speaker 1: more running races in the backyard with the kids, lots
Speaker 1: of straw milkshakes, and just joy. That's what the future
Speaker 1: looks like, creating more joy. I hope that our kids
Speaker 1: always know how much Mummy and Daddy love them, and honestly,
Speaker 1: I just hope that they're happy and healthy, because that
Speaker 1: is the greatest gift. I will always feel such a
Speaker 1: deep sense of gratitude to and to continue to have
Speaker 1: such a deep love. To have lived a fairy tale
Speaker 1: is truly magical, and so I always feel so much
Speaker 1: love for that, and to take that into life now
Speaker 1: and to be present and to despite the dark chapters,
Speaker 1: not be completely jaded by that that, yes, life is
Speaker 1: different now and I'm not the same and I look
Speaker 1: different in the mirror and all of those things, but
Speaker 1: to not let it ruin the rest of the book either,
Speaker 1: and that I can still rewrite well, I can still
Speaker 1: write those next chapters with a lot of love and
Speaker 1: a lot of joy, and it's not the book that
Speaker 1: I thought i'd be finishing, but there's still a lot
Speaker 1: of blank pages, so to allow myself to still live
Speaker 1: a fairy tale even though it's different. But the kids
Speaker 1: and I have still got a beautiful life to live
Speaker 1: and a lot of joy and happiness to come, So
Speaker 1: I don't want to miss that.
Speaker 2: Everyone has an Ex's a Minti Media production and proudly
Speaker 2: part of the Mum and mea Network. This episode is
Speaker 2: written and narrated and the interview conducted by me Georgia
Speaker 2: Love and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a
Speaker 2: story you'd like to share, email podcast at momamea dot
Speaker 2: com dot au. You can support us by following the
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Speaker 2: five star review.