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Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mama Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is recorded on when you know, you know,

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Speaker 2: That's what they say, and that can even be true

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Speaker 2: for some who meet as young as fifteen.

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Speaker 1: Our love was so gross that it was at the

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Speaker 1: point where when one of us had just left, or

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Speaker 1: we were driving in cars behind each other, following each

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Speaker 1: other somewhere, but we'd call each other because we just

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Speaker 1: always wanted to talk and be around. And yeah, it

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Speaker 1: was just a connection that we were just meant to be.

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Speaker 1: Just it never crossed my mind that I was meant

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Speaker 1: to be with anybody else. I adored him from day one,

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Speaker 1: and he adored me, and yeah, that was in our

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Speaker 1: of ours.

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Speaker 2: But just because you've known someone for more than a decade,

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Speaker 2: shared a life, a home, even a child, can you

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Speaker 2: ever really know anyone.

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Speaker 1: I had people around me saying, walk out the door,

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Speaker 1: change the locks, don't let him come home, and I

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Speaker 1: just kept saying to them, you don't understand. This isn't him,

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Speaker 1: this is not him. One minute we're in love. One

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Speaker 1: minute he hates me. One minute I'm devastated. One minute

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Speaker 1: we're Okay, one minute I'm answering the phone. One minute

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Speaker 1: I'm not. It's just hell for everyone involved.

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Speaker 2: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.

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Speaker 2: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 2: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 2: hearts of the very people who lived them. This story

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Speaker 2: begins when Amy was a shy, little fifteen year old

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Speaker 2: living in a small country town, one of those small

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Speaker 2: country towns where everyone knows everyone and it's a big

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Speaker 2: source of gossip and excitement when someone new comes into

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Speaker 2: your orbit.

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Speaker 1: He went to boarding schools. Although we weren't at the

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Speaker 1: same school, we knew of each other small country towns,

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Speaker 1: and we actually played tennis together, and it just kind

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Speaker 1: of happened. One day we were at a leadership conference

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Speaker 1: both schools and he wandered over with his high socks

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Speaker 1: on in his private school boy uniform to this shy

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Speaker 1: country girl and said, I've seen you at tennis. I

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Speaker 1: think that you should come to my school ball with me.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm like super shy, So I was like, no,

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Speaker 1: I don't even know who you are, absolutely not, and

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Speaker 1: he persisted, he said, no, I think you should come

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Speaker 1: we'll have a great time. And by the time I'd

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Speaker 1: left the leadership conference, I was going to this ball

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Speaker 1: with this random man.

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Speaker 2: The random man was named Zam.

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Speaker 1: We were both fifteen, We're the same age, both in

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Speaker 1: year eleven, and both super sporty. He is the most

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Speaker 1: charismatic human being that you will ever meet. He is

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Speaker 1: the life of every party. He just walked over with

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Speaker 1: such swagger and just owned exactly what he was doing.

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Speaker 1: He knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to

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Speaker 1: ask me to the ball, got what he wanted. At

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Speaker 1: first I said no, and then, you know, half an

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Speaker 1: hour later, because how can you say no to the

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Speaker 1: man in high socks with this tie on, who's looking

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Speaker 1: at you so happy, and you know, he's got strawberry

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Speaker 1: blonde hair and the best smile you ever see, and

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Speaker 1: just tells you exactly what you wanted to hear. And

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Speaker 1: you know, by the time I'd said yes, a week later,

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Speaker 1: we were officially boyfriend and girlfriend. We spent weekends together

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Speaker 1: when he was home from boarding school, and honestly we

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Speaker 1: were inseparable for that entire year, and then the next

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Speaker 1: year with year twelve, and then from then onwards we

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Speaker 1: were the couple that everybody knew was going to get married.

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Speaker 1: We were going to be together forever. We were the

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Speaker 1: high school sweethearts. He was very athletic, I was very athletic.

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Speaker 1: Interests were the same, We did the same thing. He

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Speaker 1: was a footballer, I was the netbowler. He worked on

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Speaker 1: the wheat bins. I taught swimming. It's all very country slang,

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Speaker 1: but we were the same person and just kind of

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Speaker 1: coexisted alongside each other, and everything was so easy. There

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Speaker 1: was never any arguing, constant communication, everything was happy, and

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Speaker 1: it was just no doubt in my mind that this

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Speaker 1: was who I was going to be with forever. We

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Speaker 1: were both a little bit boring. We both didn't really

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Speaker 1: drink much. We just preferred, you know, to go to

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Speaker 1: the parties one hundred percent and we would have the

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Speaker 1: best time. But with our alcohol that was just kind

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Speaker 1: of our thing because we were more into exercise. I

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Speaker 1: guess I just always knew that I was loved by

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Speaker 1: him because we just wanted to spend time together, and

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Speaker 1: you know, our weekends were together, and when we were

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Speaker 1: in the country over summers, it was time spent with

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Speaker 1: both families, and we just were inseparable and that's how

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Speaker 1: you know that you love someone because you want to

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Speaker 1: spend all your time with them. And our love was

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Speaker 1: so gross that it was at the point where when

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Speaker 1: one of us had just left, or we were driving

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Speaker 1: in cars behind each other, following each other somewhere, but

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Speaker 1: we'd call each other because we just always wanted to

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Speaker 1: talk and be around. And yeah, it was just a

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Speaker 1: connection that we were just meant to be. Just it

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Speaker 1: never crossed my mind that I was meant to be

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Speaker 1: with anybody else so far.

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Speaker 2: It's all pretty typical for fifteen, sixteen, and seventeen year olds,

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Speaker 2: especially from a country town, and the high school sweetheart

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Speaker 2: cliches continued even after school.

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Speaker 1: You go one of two ways in the country or

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Speaker 1: either the high school sweethearts that stay together live in

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Speaker 1: the country, get married, have ten babies, or you kind

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Speaker 1: of try and move to Perth together and you either

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Speaker 1: grow alongside each other or you grow apart. We moved

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Speaker 1: to Perth as seventeen year olds, and we immediately actually

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Speaker 1: lived together pretty much. We lived between two houses from

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Speaker 1: the get go, and most people probably think that that's odd,

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Speaker 1: but country people, that's normal. And it continued to work.

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Speaker 1: He played semi professional football. I'm the biggest cheerleader, and

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Speaker 1: it just like I say, everybody knew that we were

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Speaker 1: just going to stay together. We were the couple that

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Speaker 1: did everything together. Very happy times. We've moved into a

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Speaker 1: rental and we are working towards building our own home.

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Speaker 1: So a seven years in, we're looking to build our

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Speaker 1: first home together, looking at purchasing land. He is working

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Speaker 1: away on the minds to save money and then playing

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Speaker 1: country football when he's coming home. And country football that

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Speaker 1: he's playing is about three hours away, so it's a

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Speaker 1: you know, six hour round trip that I was doing

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Speaker 1: with him every weekend alongside my career as a teacher.

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Speaker 1: So we've gone through apprenticeships, we've gone through uni degrees.

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Speaker 1: Everything's fine, everything's working really well. Takes a break from

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Speaker 1: semi professional football to earn more money. We go down

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Speaker 1: to a country club. I go with him every week.

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Speaker 1: I'm still thinking everything's fine, We're living in our rental,

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Speaker 1: and then I get this gut feeling that's something is

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Speaker 1: very wrong. I'm like, there's just something weird. You know.

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Speaker 1: He hasn't said anything, but his behavior has changed. He's

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden on his phone all the time,

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Speaker 1: it's really uncommon for him. We're not communicating as much,

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Speaker 1: so immediately I've got some red flags. I'm like, something's

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Speaker 1: happening here. He goes away for the weekend and then

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Speaker 1: I probably did what every girl does and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to get onto his snapchat, logged in

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Speaker 1: and found out that he was having an affair with

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Speaker 1: an eighteen year old from the football club, which was

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Speaker 1: actually one of his teammate's girlfriends. I found words of

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Speaker 1: them telling each other they loved each other, naked photos,

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Speaker 1: you know, very much, an emotional connection on the phone.

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Speaker 1: That's the instant drop of the heart, Like it's what

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Speaker 1: everybody doesn't want to find. You think that you're going

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Speaker 1: to find it, and you want the reassurance that it's

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Speaker 1: not there, so when you find it, you just feel sick.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to vomit. I vividly remember going into the wardrobe,

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Speaker 1: in my walking wardrobe because at the time we were

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Speaker 1: living with my siblings in our Perth house, and I

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Speaker 1: just walked into the wardrobe and just cried and just

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Speaker 1: couldn't come out. And it took me a while to

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Speaker 1: get up the courage to actually call him and be

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Speaker 1: like this is what I've found and I've said I've

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Speaker 1: found out what's happened. You can tell the other partner

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Speaker 1: or I will, And he spiraled out of control. And

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Speaker 1: then I didn't hear from him for a month. Now

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Speaker 1: remembering by this stage we've been with each other for

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Speaker 1: seven years, never had any hiccups, never had any issues,

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Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, he's just disappeared. So

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Speaker 1: he came home, packed a bag, went elsewhere, switched his

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Speaker 1: phone off.

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Speaker 2: Right, well, that was a short episode.

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Speaker 1: Then after a month comes back to the house, tells

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Speaker 1: me the biggest mistake of his life, wants to redo,

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Speaker 1: you know, really reeled me and said all of the

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Speaker 1: right things. Naturally we did the redo. It was so confusing,

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Speaker 1: gut wrenching for me. I have lived my whole life

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Speaker 1: with this person. I don't know how to live without him.

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Speaker 1: You know, I thought that we were going to be

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Speaker 1: together forever and move on and have many children and

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Speaker 1: be happy and be the high school sweethearts. I'm a planner.

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Speaker 1: That was in the plan. The affair with the eighteen

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Speaker 1: year old was not in the plan. So then for

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Speaker 1: a whole month I didn't hear from him, and I

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Speaker 1: spiraled completely out of control. So I was like, what

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Speaker 1: can I change about myself to make him come back

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Speaker 1: and be fine? And then he did eventually come back.

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Speaker 1: We had a very in depth conversation. He apologized, would

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Speaker 1: never happen again. You know I said about my insecurities.

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Speaker 1: He promised things would be different. We kind of agreed,

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Speaker 1: swept it under the carpet, than built house.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, so let's check where we are. Amy in

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Speaker 2: Sam are high school sweethearts together for seven years, living

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Speaker 2: in a new city, thick as thieves, until one day

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Speaker 2: Amy finds out Sam's been sleeping with someone else, but

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Speaker 2: she forgives him. He moves back in. Things go back

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Speaker 2: to how they were before, if not better, And now

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Speaker 2: another year into the relationship, they've built a house. Got

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Speaker 2: it great as you were?

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Speaker 1: Okay, So now we're eight years in with Boortland, built

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Speaker 1: a house, happy days. Everything is coasting, you know, we're

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Speaker 1: in our own space. We've got the dog. So we're

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Speaker 1: now in the brand new house. We've got the dog.

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Speaker 1: And then for my birthday, which is in November, he

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Speaker 1: gives me a holiday to Thailand. Now I walked in

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Speaker 1: after a day at work, happy as Larry said, hello.

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Speaker 1: We were going out for dinner, and he gives me

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Speaker 1: this present, tells me to pack a bag, won't give

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Speaker 1: me any other details. And then you know, a month later,

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Speaker 1: we're flying to Thailand. We've done a year of growth again.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we're rebuilding. We hop on the plane.

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Speaker 1: He's acting all sheepish, and I'm like, what is wrong

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Speaker 1: with this man? You know, we get all the way

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Speaker 1: there and he rushes downstairs, leaves me in the hotel room.

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Speaker 1: And you know, we do most things together. So he's like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to go down and check out the

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Speaker 1: hotel facilities. Oh, I'll come. Like, we can look at

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Speaker 1: the gym, we can look at the pool. What are

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Speaker 1: we doing? Where are we going? Are we having a cocktail?

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Speaker 1: He's like, no, you just stay there. He's rushed downstairs,

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Speaker 1: come back up. We're going out for dinner, and he's thinking,

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Speaker 1: let's go see the sunset. And I said, it's overcast outside,

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Speaker 1: it's going to rain. There's no sunset tonight. Like, we'll

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Speaker 1: just go out for dinner, get a drink, and then

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Speaker 1: maybe we can walk into town. No, no, I really

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Speaker 1: want to go and see the sunset. There's a nice

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Speaker 1: bridge out there. We can go together. It'd be romantic,

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Speaker 1: and then we can go to dinner. So this man's insane.

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Speaker 1: There's definitely no sunset tonight. It is almost pitch black outside.

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Speaker 1: I can see the moon anyway. I'm in overalls. He

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Speaker 1: gets dressed nicely and I said to him, where are

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Speaker 1: we going for dinner? Should I put something nicer on?

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Speaker 1: And he goes, no, you look great like you look

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Speaker 1: like you. Let's go. So we're walking down to this broadwalk,

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Speaker 1: beautiful walk, passing lots of happy couples holding hands. And

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Speaker 1: we got onto the broadwalk. There is no one there,

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Speaker 1: no sunset obviously because it's overcast. One person on the

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Speaker 1: very end of the bridge. That was it. And we

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Speaker 1: walk up towards him, and he said to me, oh,

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Speaker 1: I'm just going to get this man to take a

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Speaker 1: photo of us. And I was like, okay, whatever, and

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Speaker 1: he said, can you just give him the phone? So

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Speaker 1: I turned around and said, excuse me, would you mind

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Speaker 1: taking a photo of us? And when I turned back around,

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Speaker 1: he was on one knee with a ring out, and

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Speaker 1: I have just lost my mind because I'm like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, this is all I've ever wanted was to

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Speaker 1: marry this man, and now eight years later, it's finally happening,

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Speaker 1: and we just shared a really beautiful moment where it

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Speaker 1: was just the two of us on the broadbook in Thailand,

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Speaker 1: no one around us, no one knew, and the man

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Speaker 1: who I had given the phone to was actually a

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Speaker 1: photographer that he hired. So we have beautiful photos from

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Speaker 1: a really special time. I'm crying, he's on one knee

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Speaker 1: and then yeah, we stayed there probably for about an hour,

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Speaker 1: just enjoying a moment just the two of us. We

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Speaker 1: didn't tell any of our family until we got back,

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Speaker 1: so we had, you know, a week in Thailand, just

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Speaker 1: the two of us just to digest what had happened.

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Speaker 1: And yeah, it was beautiful, best memories. Then went back

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Speaker 1: to work and we thought, oh, we better start planning

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Speaker 1: the wedding. Set a date for two years time, and

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Speaker 1: that would then be our ten year anniversary. We get

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Speaker 1: to the wedding and everyone arrives at the venue that

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Speaker 1: we've booked out, and we have all of our one

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Speaker 1: hundred and thirty closest people staying at the same place

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Speaker 1: for a festival of us. And for me, I am

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Speaker 1: a highly strong think if you ask people to describe me,

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Speaker 1: they would say highly strung, very organized, like quite uptight,

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Speaker 1: and me at the wedding, calmest person in the whole

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Speaker 1: entire room. It just felt like this is exactly where

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Speaker 1: I meant to be. This is exactly what needs to happen.

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Speaker 1: And things were going wrong. My bridesmaid forgot her dress,

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Speaker 1: the makeup artists messed up three of the girls makeup,

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Speaker 1: and they were having meltdowns, and I was just sitting

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Speaker 1: there so calm. I was like, it's fine, everything's fine.

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Speaker 1: The florists couldn't put the hanging piece in, so we

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Speaker 1: didn't have a hanging piece that we'd paid for. I

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Speaker 1: was like, it's fine, everything's fine. Doesn't bother me. And

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Speaker 1: everyone was walking around me on the room just thinking,

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Speaker 1: what is going on? She's way too calm. There is

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Speaker 1: something wrong here. We do not know who she is, Like,

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Speaker 1: who is this woman that we've never met? And I

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Speaker 1: had one of my brides maid pull me aside and

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Speaker 1: actually go are you are you okay? Are you feeling okay?

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Speaker 1: It's like, this is exactly where I meant to be.

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Speaker 1: Ten years I've been with this man and now I

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Speaker 1: finally get to be with him forever, and we're committing

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Speaker 1: to each other. It's the commitment that I was after.

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Speaker 1: And then we went on a honeymoon. Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic,

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Speaker 1: and then we thought, next step, let's try for a baby.

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Speaker 1: You know, we've been together for ten years, still quite

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Speaker 1: young at this stage, but that's the natural progression. We've

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Speaker 1: got the house, got the dog done, the wedding, baby

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Speaker 1: comes next.

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Speaker 2: So here they are now ten years together, with only

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Speaker 2: one hiccup. That whole time, they're both twenty five, married,

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Speaker 2: living in their dream home and trying for a baby.

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Speaker 2: Amy was in pure bliss.

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Speaker 1: We tried for about six months, weren't two phays that

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Speaker 1: it wasn't really happening quickly, not that six months isn't quickly.

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Speaker 1: And then Yeah, I can vividly remember said to him,

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Speaker 1: my period is a little bit late. I feel like

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Speaker 1: this might be the time, this might be the one.

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Speaker 1: And did the test my mum and sister and it

295
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:17,610
Speaker 1: came back positive. Told him and I just immediately elated,

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Speaker 1: so excited to be having this baby. And then Yeah,

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Speaker 1: danced out of the room, showed him. I was like,

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Speaker 1: we're going to be parents, you know, celebrated together, told

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Speaker 1: all of our closest people, and then waited the twelve weeks,

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Speaker 1: told people we worked with. He told his footy club.

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Speaker 1: They're cheering, everyone's happy, and we're just kind of coasting

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Speaker 1: in the honeymoon phase until our son was born. Nine

303
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Speaker 1: months later. I going to labor with James and my

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Speaker 1: husband is at football training and he had given me

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Speaker 1: a number and said, call this number if you go

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Speaker 1: into labor. So again, calmest person in the room, which

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Speaker 1: is unheard of from me, so it's just a common theme.

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Speaker 1: And I ring the football manager and I said, I'm

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Speaker 1: Sam's wife, don't panic, but if we could just tell

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Speaker 1: him that I'm at the hospital and they're saying that,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'm dilated and wearing a labor and he

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Speaker 1: kind of needs to get here. So they managers going

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, and runs across two opals to get

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Speaker 1: to him. And then he meets me at the hospital

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Speaker 1: and it ended up being such a long labor, fourteen

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Speaker 1: hours and then two hours of pushing, and Sam and

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Speaker 1: the midwives were watching the Australian Open, the Women's football

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Speaker 1: and the Big Bash League while I'm excruciating agony trying

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Speaker 1: to get this baby out. And then you know, he

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Speaker 1: was so present in the whole birth. He was helping,

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Speaker 1: he was talking to me like it was hard but

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Speaker 1: special because we were doing it together. It was just him,

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Speaker 1: myself and one midwife that was it in the room.

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Speaker 2: They were elated, a perfect baby boy, bringing them even

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Speaker 2: closer together. What could possibly go wrong?

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Speaker 1: Immediately we were given the harsh reality check that he

327
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Speaker 1: is a child. It is not easy, and I don't

328
00:17:03,770 --> 00:17:08,810
Speaker 1: know what we were thinking was coming, but the reality

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Speaker 1: of not sleeping, not being able to go out and exercise,

330
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Speaker 1: which is, you know, inevitably what we do. I'm not

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Speaker 1: at work, so I'm not getting that social communication. We're

332
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Speaker 1: very young, so we're the only people that have a child,

333
00:17:22,810 --> 00:17:25,210
Speaker 1: and we just felt lonely. Like the first few weeks

334
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:28,370
Speaker 1: were fine because we had ample visitors. It's really exciting.

335
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Speaker 1: Everyone wants to see us. And then as soon as

336
00:17:31,010 --> 00:17:33,170
Speaker 1: my husband went back to work, I was just so

337
00:17:33,250 --> 00:17:37,770
Speaker 1: overwhelmed with what parenthood is and one hundred percent I

338
00:17:37,810 --> 00:17:41,010
Speaker 1: struggled massively. It was very difficult for me. I had

339
00:17:41,010 --> 00:17:42,930
Speaker 1: a lot of resentment for my husband who got to

340
00:17:42,930 --> 00:17:44,970
Speaker 1: go to football training, he got to go to work.

341
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Speaker 1: His life didn't change, whereas my whole life had turned

342
00:17:48,850 --> 00:17:51,970
Speaker 1: upside down. Now, I don't think that I handed it

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00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:57,090
Speaker 1: in a terrible way. Was I a bit snappy with him? Yes?

344
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Speaker 1: Is most sleep deprived new mothers snappy? I think so.

345
00:18:01,690 --> 00:18:04,330
Speaker 1: Did I want to be intimate? Not for a few months. Again,

346
00:18:04,530 --> 00:18:06,730
Speaker 1: I think this is quite normal. And it got to

347
00:18:06,810 --> 00:18:08,730
Speaker 1: a stage where, you know, he sat me down and

348
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:10,970
Speaker 1: was like, what's happening here? I feel like we're at

349
00:18:11,010 --> 00:18:14,010
Speaker 1: each other's And that's full credit to him, Like that

350
00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:16,090
Speaker 1: was really good that he did that. He said, I

351
00:18:16,090 --> 00:18:17,850
Speaker 1: can see you're struggling. What do we need to do.

352
00:18:18,050 --> 00:18:19,770
Speaker 1: I said, we need to get this baby to sleep.

353
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Speaker 1: Once the baby sleeps, I can run. Everything will be fine.

354
00:18:23,330 --> 00:18:26,250
Speaker 1: Like then at least I'll get to have my break. Anyway,

355
00:18:26,330 --> 00:18:28,770
Speaker 1: we did that, got a sleep trainer in, the baby

356
00:18:28,850 --> 00:18:32,010
Speaker 1: started to sleep. I straight away turned. I was like,

357
00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,650
Speaker 1: this is amazing. My life is now back to normal.

358
00:18:34,810 --> 00:18:36,970
Speaker 1: I'm loving being mum. I get to be with my

359
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:40,050
Speaker 1: son all day. Every day. I get to, you know,

360
00:18:40,130 --> 00:18:42,050
Speaker 1: look after my husband. When he gets home. He's got

361
00:18:42,050 --> 00:18:44,130
Speaker 1: food on the table, like food was always on the table,

362
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,090
Speaker 1: washing done. I was in full housewife mode and that

363
00:18:47,210 --> 00:18:49,210
Speaker 1: was my new calling because I couldn't. I was an

364
00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:51,930
Speaker 1: at work teaching, so I needed to be doing something.

365
00:18:53,010 --> 00:18:55,970
Speaker 1: Definitely resented for the first six months, but by then

366
00:18:56,130 --> 00:18:59,930
Speaker 1: yes starting to really enjoy my role. And that's when

367
00:18:59,970 --> 00:19:03,650
Speaker 1: the tables turned and rather than me struggling, it turned

368
00:19:03,690 --> 00:19:06,970
Speaker 1: to my husband struggling. I started to see a few

369
00:19:07,130 --> 00:19:12,170
Speaker 1: small changes. He was going out after football, not come home,

370
00:19:12,290 --> 00:19:15,730
Speaker 1: not communicating as often, and I was just like, Okay,

371
00:19:15,770 --> 00:19:19,130
Speaker 1: this is maybe just how he's kind of working through

372
00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:20,690
Speaker 1: his parenting journey now.

373
00:19:21,250 --> 00:19:24,290
Speaker 2: But Amy wasn't worried. She'd had her getting used to

374
00:19:24,330 --> 00:19:27,010
Speaker 2: their new norm. Now it was Sam's and they had

375
00:19:27,050 --> 00:19:29,610
Speaker 2: plans to look forward to. When their son was eighteen

376
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:32,490
Speaker 2: months old, they were going on their first family holiday.

377
00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:38,370
Speaker 1: So from when James turned one, we just kind of

378
00:19:38,410 --> 00:19:41,370
Speaker 1: coasted for the next year. We were fine, There was

379
00:19:41,410 --> 00:19:43,890
Speaker 1: no issues. We were just kind of working around each

380
00:19:43,890 --> 00:19:46,850
Speaker 1: other and trying to figure out what parenting looked like.

381
00:19:47,610 --> 00:19:50,330
Speaker 1: And that's when we decided we needed a holiday. So

382
00:19:50,410 --> 00:19:53,450
Speaker 1: we booked Bali as a family and we jet set

383
00:19:53,450 --> 00:19:55,530
Speaker 1: it off to Bali as a family of three. The

384
00:19:55,570 --> 00:19:58,130
Speaker 1: holiday was great. We were only there for five days,

385
00:19:58,570 --> 00:20:01,050
Speaker 1: but you know, we were out and about, we were

386
00:20:01,170 --> 00:20:04,090
Speaker 1: at home when the baby was napping, we would get

387
00:20:04,250 --> 00:20:08,690
Speaker 1: one on one time together. Yeah, and then we started

388
00:20:08,730 --> 00:20:11,730
Speaker 1: having conversations about having a second and we knew that

389
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:15,290
Speaker 1: it was difficult with the first one, but we were ready.

390
00:20:15,450 --> 00:20:18,370
Speaker 1: We felt ready to add to our family. We thought

391
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:20,770
Speaker 1: that it was a good time to start trying. We

392
00:20:20,770 --> 00:20:24,050
Speaker 1: were both on board, both happy about it, both excited,

393
00:20:24,370 --> 00:20:29,010
Speaker 1: and yeah, inevitably started trying. And then when we arrived

394
00:20:29,170 --> 00:20:31,770
Speaker 1: back in Perth, he wanted to go on a night

395
00:20:31,810 --> 00:20:34,090
Speaker 1: out with the boys and I was kind of brought

396
00:20:34,130 --> 00:20:36,690
Speaker 1: off guard because I thought, we've just got home. We've

397
00:20:36,690 --> 00:20:39,290
Speaker 1: literally just landed, Like can we not just kind of

398
00:20:39,330 --> 00:20:43,570
Speaker 1: take the night to settle back in. And from there

399
00:20:43,770 --> 00:20:45,930
Speaker 1: that moment when we landed back in Perth and he

400
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:49,610
Speaker 1: went out, everything unraveled with the flick of a switch.

401
00:20:50,730 --> 00:20:52,610
Speaker 1: I just thought, this is just whatever, you know here,

402
00:20:52,650 --> 00:20:55,410
Speaker 1: I am unpacking all of our suitcases and getting the

403
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:59,690
Speaker 1: baby back on Perth time and sorting everything out. And yeah,

404
00:20:59,730 --> 00:21:03,290
Speaker 1: he went out, and from that moment on, he went

405
00:21:03,370 --> 00:21:07,770
Speaker 1: out almost every single night for six months straight like that.

406
00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:10,930
Speaker 1: So he would just you know, get home from work,

407
00:21:11,050 --> 00:21:13,530
Speaker 1: get dressed, go out, get home from work. Yet Jose

408
00:21:13,690 --> 00:21:16,330
Speaker 1: go out, not come home from work, come home super late.

409
00:21:16,690 --> 00:21:19,250
Speaker 1: Now a week in, I was like, this is such

410
00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:23,130
Speaker 1: absurd behavior. I do not understand what's happening. Where is

411
00:21:23,130 --> 00:21:26,770
Speaker 1: my husband? Something is really wrong here. So naturally I

412
00:21:26,810 --> 00:21:29,810
Speaker 1: get his parents involved straight away, call them. I said,

413
00:21:29,850 --> 00:21:32,970
Speaker 1: you really need to come over. Sam has just driven

414
00:21:32,970 --> 00:21:35,490
Speaker 1: home drunk, and he's telling me he's going to get

415
00:21:35,490 --> 00:21:38,130
Speaker 1: in the car again. And I said, if he doesn't

416
00:21:38,170 --> 00:21:40,810
Speaker 1: kill himself, he's going to kill someone else. And I said,

417
00:21:40,850 --> 00:21:43,290
Speaker 1: it's been a week of this behavior. I don't understand

418
00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:46,890
Speaker 1: what's happening. By this stage, Sam is screaming at me

419
00:21:47,330 --> 00:21:50,770
Speaker 1: because I have called his parents and got them involved,

420
00:21:50,850 --> 00:21:52,930
Speaker 1: and he is telling me that now because I've got

421
00:21:52,930 --> 00:21:55,690
Speaker 1: his parents involved, I've really done it. I'm going to

422
00:21:55,770 --> 00:21:58,810
Speaker 1: ruin everything. And then he got his car keys walked

423
00:21:58,810 --> 00:22:01,810
Speaker 1: out the front door. I've stayed inside with my son

424
00:22:01,890 --> 00:22:04,370
Speaker 1: because I'm like, I can't do anything. I've tried for

425
00:22:04,410 --> 00:22:07,330
Speaker 1: a whole week. My in laws followed him outside and

426
00:22:07,370 --> 00:22:09,610
Speaker 1: then he got in the car and drove off. They

427
00:22:09,650 --> 00:22:12,210
Speaker 1: were oblivious. They don't know what's happening, you know, they

428
00:22:12,210 --> 00:22:14,170
Speaker 1: told him not to drive, but they can't control him.

429
00:22:14,210 --> 00:22:17,010
Speaker 1: He's a grown man. And you know, I said, well,

430
00:22:17,010 --> 00:22:19,010
Speaker 1: I'll be talking to him in the morning. We need

431
00:22:19,090 --> 00:22:21,810
Speaker 1: to work as a team here because I can feel

432
00:22:21,850 --> 00:22:24,450
Speaker 1: in my gut that something is really off, so we

433
00:22:24,490 --> 00:22:28,090
Speaker 1: need to work together. So here we are seven days

434
00:22:28,090 --> 00:22:33,290
Speaker 1: ago in Bali, together for twelve years, high school, sweethearts,

435
00:22:33,610 --> 00:22:37,050
Speaker 1: meant to be together. Everything running smoothly. We get home,

436
00:22:37,210 --> 00:22:40,810
Speaker 1: we land to give a switch, different human being. A

437
00:22:40,850 --> 00:22:44,090
Speaker 1: week later, we're in hell. I went in and I

438
00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:46,130
Speaker 1: sat on the end of the bed and I just said,

439
00:22:46,170 --> 00:22:50,250
Speaker 1: what is going on? And hey gave me nothing. There

440
00:22:50,290 --> 00:22:54,730
Speaker 1: was nothing, no communication, nothing, And I said, can we

441
00:22:54,810 --> 00:22:56,610
Speaker 1: just can you at least give me something? And he said,

442
00:22:56,650 --> 00:23:00,090
Speaker 1: I'm really unhappy. I feel like I've made a mistake

443
00:23:00,130 --> 00:23:04,450
Speaker 1: in life and I have absolutely crumbled to the ground

444
00:23:04,650 --> 00:23:09,770
Speaker 1: because again a week ago, everything's fine, We've done everything

445
00:23:09,810 --> 00:23:12,410
Speaker 1: the right way. Yeah, we had one hiccup when there

446
00:23:12,450 --> 00:23:14,330
Speaker 1: was an affair, but I thought we will pass that.

447
00:23:15,210 --> 00:23:20,370
Speaker 1: So instantly I'm super panicked. I'm like, oh my goodness,

448
00:23:20,450 --> 00:23:23,170
Speaker 1: what is going on? And he said, I just need

449
00:23:23,210 --> 00:23:25,770
Speaker 1: some time. I need some time to digest what I'm

450
00:23:25,770 --> 00:23:28,570
Speaker 1: feeling and I said, well, what does time look like?

451
00:23:28,770 --> 00:23:32,370
Speaker 1: Are you moving out? Like what's happening? And he said no,

452
00:23:32,490 --> 00:23:34,730
Speaker 1: I'm not moving out. I've got nowhere else to go.

453
00:23:35,730 --> 00:23:38,090
Speaker 1: And I said, well, do I need to go somewhere?

454
00:23:38,130 --> 00:23:40,290
Speaker 1: And he said no, no, you don't need to go anywhere.

455
00:23:41,250 --> 00:23:43,090
Speaker 1: And I just kind of said, take all the time

456
00:23:43,130 --> 00:23:46,050
Speaker 1: you need because I am panicked and I'm looking at

457
00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:49,850
Speaker 1: my husband who's acting completely out of character, and to

458
00:23:49,890 --> 00:23:52,650
Speaker 1: be completely honest with you, I'm heartbroken. I don't want

459
00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:55,930
Speaker 1: to see him in distress, and I'm thinking, Okay, he's

460
00:23:55,970 --> 00:23:58,730
Speaker 1: going through something. And at that stage, I'm not thinking

461
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,690
Speaker 1: I'm the issue. I'm not thinking he's regretting myself and

462
00:24:01,770 --> 00:24:05,210
Speaker 1: my child. I'm thinking there's something seriously going on in

463
00:24:05,250 --> 00:24:08,690
Speaker 1: his life. So I'm thinking to myself, he's twenty eight.

464
00:24:09,210 --> 00:24:11,770
Speaker 1: Is this a midlife crisis called a life crisis? Yes?

465
00:24:12,330 --> 00:24:15,690
Speaker 1: And obviously I'm thinking I will do whatever I need

466
00:24:15,730 --> 00:24:17,850
Speaker 1: to make this better, because I will be damned if

467
00:24:17,850 --> 00:24:21,050
Speaker 1: I'm losing my family like that is not happening. Absolutely not.

468
00:24:21,370 --> 00:24:23,450
Speaker 1: I am not being a single mother. I'm not having

469
00:24:23,490 --> 00:24:26,210
Speaker 1: a child in a broken home. That's not happening. Like,

470
00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,170
Speaker 1: I will do whatever I need to to fix my husband.

471
00:24:29,810 --> 00:24:31,850
Speaker 1: Loved him so much, will love him for my whole

472
00:24:31,970 --> 00:24:32,410
Speaker 1: entire life.

473
00:24:34,890 --> 00:24:37,970
Speaker 2: Amy had no idea what had happened between their holiday

474
00:24:38,290 --> 00:24:41,370
Speaker 2: and this, but she was determined to help him. It

475
00:24:41,410 --> 00:24:42,450
Speaker 2: was clear he needed it.

476
00:24:43,250 --> 00:24:46,690
Speaker 1: Next couple of months hell for my son and I.

477
00:24:46,850 --> 00:24:50,570
Speaker 1: We are in absolutely limboland and he is off living

478
00:24:50,610 --> 00:24:54,130
Speaker 1: the life of an eighteen year old. He is going

479
00:24:54,130 --> 00:24:56,970
Speaker 1: to work. I'm not sure why or how because he's

480
00:24:57,010 --> 00:24:59,530
Speaker 1: getting home at five am, waking up half an hour later,

481
00:25:00,050 --> 00:25:03,090
Speaker 1: and then going to work and remembering I'm a stay

482
00:25:03,130 --> 00:25:07,050
Speaker 1: at home mum, so our whole entire life revolves around

483
00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:09,450
Speaker 1: him going to work and me being a stay at

484
00:25:09,450 --> 00:25:11,130
Speaker 1: home mum. Was a joint decision, you know. I was

485
00:25:11,130 --> 00:25:14,570
Speaker 1: happy to go back to work. I am desperate. I

486
00:25:14,610 --> 00:25:16,730
Speaker 1: am trying to talk to him all the time, which

487
00:25:16,770 --> 00:25:20,730
Speaker 1: is making him increasingly frustrated. So the more I try

488
00:25:20,770 --> 00:25:24,010
Speaker 1: and reach out, the angrier he gets. And he would

489
00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:26,850
Speaker 1: get home and naturally I'm going to ask questions. I'd

490
00:25:26,850 --> 00:25:29,570
Speaker 1: be like, where are we at, what's happening, What's going on?

491
00:25:29,770 --> 00:25:32,530
Speaker 1: And that's when the anger started. So I would be

492
00:25:32,570 --> 00:25:35,490
Speaker 1: asking things like, what's happening, are we together. Are we

493
00:25:35,570 --> 00:25:38,490
Speaker 1: not together? What's happening? And he would be like, you

494
00:25:38,610 --> 00:25:42,610
Speaker 1: need to give me space. He's like, you are so stupid.

495
00:25:42,690 --> 00:25:44,970
Speaker 1: If you do not give me space, you are the

496
00:25:45,010 --> 00:25:47,730
Speaker 1: reason I am so angry. No one likes you, your

497
00:25:47,730 --> 00:25:51,570
Speaker 1: family hates you. You're boring. I'm just having fun. You've

498
00:25:51,610 --> 00:25:55,050
Speaker 1: taken everything from me, you know, you've stolen my fun years.

499
00:25:55,730 --> 00:25:57,570
Speaker 1: Things along the lines of that, and the things he

500
00:25:57,610 --> 00:26:00,770
Speaker 1: say are quite bad, just very calculated. You know. He

501
00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:03,090
Speaker 1: would make comments about my weight. I was very thin

502
00:26:03,170 --> 00:26:07,290
Speaker 1: at the time, probably waited about forty five kilos if

503
00:26:07,410 --> 00:26:10,650
Speaker 1: very very thin, very unwell, and he would say things like,

504
00:26:10,690 --> 00:26:13,690
Speaker 1: because I started asking the question, which I think is fair,

505
00:26:14,130 --> 00:26:18,290
Speaker 1: is there another woman? Is there someone else? Is that

506
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:20,010
Speaker 1: me that you're not attracted to? Do I need to

507
00:26:20,050 --> 00:26:21,410
Speaker 1: change how I look? Do you want me to dye

508
00:26:21,450 --> 00:26:24,010
Speaker 1: my head? What can I change about me to make

509
00:26:24,050 --> 00:26:26,650
Speaker 1: you like me? And he would say things like I'm

510
00:26:26,650 --> 00:26:30,450
Speaker 1: not into any other woman, Scrawny people are more my type,

511
00:26:30,650 --> 00:26:34,490
Speaker 1: and yeah, just just awful, you know, horrible things, very

512
00:26:34,530 --> 00:26:37,650
Speaker 1: malicious and very yeah targeted things that he knew would

513
00:26:37,690 --> 00:26:40,330
Speaker 1: upset me. For example, I was running a marathon and

514
00:26:40,410 --> 00:26:42,130
Speaker 1: he told me that I was so weak. He knew

515
00:26:42,170 --> 00:26:44,770
Speaker 1: I would stop, and that's exactly what I did. I

516
00:26:44,810 --> 00:26:47,370
Speaker 1: got to thirty eight k's and stopped running, because that's

517
00:26:47,410 --> 00:26:48,290
Speaker 1: what's in my mind.

518
00:26:49,250 --> 00:26:52,330
Speaker 2: He had never spoken like this before, not to anyone,

519
00:26:52,450 --> 00:26:55,210
Speaker 2: least of all Amy. But things were about to turn

520
00:26:55,330 --> 00:26:56,010
Speaker 2: even worse.

521
00:26:59,810 --> 00:27:02,970
Speaker 1: Then became physical abuse, and it started with he would

522
00:27:02,970 --> 00:27:04,850
Speaker 1: pick up things and throw them at me or in

523
00:27:04,890 --> 00:27:08,770
Speaker 1: my direction. He would smash photo frames, he would smash

524
00:27:09,170 --> 00:27:13,890
Speaker 1: James's toys. He would scream and break things and throw things,

525
00:27:13,930 --> 00:27:16,490
Speaker 1: and to the stage where the neighbors were definitely hearing

526
00:27:16,530 --> 00:27:19,610
Speaker 1: what was going on. And it got to a point

527
00:27:19,730 --> 00:27:21,930
Speaker 1: and it was around my birthday and he hadn't even

528
00:27:21,970 --> 00:27:24,370
Speaker 1: acknowledged that my birthday was the next day. And by

529
00:27:24,410 --> 00:27:26,890
Speaker 1: this stage we'd been in this limbo land for three months,

530
00:27:27,010 --> 00:27:30,290
Speaker 1: and I had been raising my child alone for three months.

531
00:27:30,770 --> 00:27:33,170
Speaker 1: And I said to him, if you walk out the door,

532
00:27:33,530 --> 00:27:37,610
Speaker 1: I'm going to pack my bags and James's bags and

533
00:27:37,730 --> 00:27:40,450
Speaker 1: we're going to go back to our hometown and stay

534
00:27:40,490 --> 00:27:43,010
Speaker 1: with my parents. And he said, do it. So that's

535
00:27:43,010 --> 00:27:47,370
Speaker 1: what I did. Essentially, we fled early domestic violence. And

536
00:27:47,410 --> 00:27:49,930
Speaker 1: you know, I got home and this was the first

537
00:27:49,930 --> 00:27:51,930
Speaker 1: time that I had told my family what was going on.

538
00:27:52,810 --> 00:27:55,570
Speaker 1: A few people had started to notice things were changing

539
00:27:55,650 --> 00:27:58,010
Speaker 1: because I went off social media. I was really thin.

540
00:27:58,530 --> 00:28:01,850
Speaker 1: But now I've gone back to my countrytown with my

541
00:28:01,930 --> 00:28:05,130
Speaker 1: son in tow and country people will get it. You

542
00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:09,530
Speaker 1: only go home with your child without your husband if

543
00:28:09,530 --> 00:28:13,690
Speaker 1: something drastic's happening. So I thought he was having a crisis.

544
00:28:14,330 --> 00:28:18,330
Speaker 1: I thought that he was regretting getting married so early,

545
00:28:18,850 --> 00:28:21,290
Speaker 1: and I thought that he wasn't handling the demands of

546
00:28:21,330 --> 00:28:25,530
Speaker 1: being a parent, which also I couldn't understand because I

547
00:28:25,650 --> 00:28:27,770
Speaker 1: was doing everything, and I had done everything from the

548
00:28:27,810 --> 00:28:31,450
Speaker 1: get go. So then I started to think, is at me?

549
00:28:31,570 --> 00:28:34,330
Speaker 1: Am I putting too much pressure on him? Am I

550
00:28:35,290 --> 00:28:37,490
Speaker 1: not intimate enough with him? Am I not giving him

551
00:28:37,570 --> 00:28:40,530
Speaker 1: enough attention? Am I giving too much attention to the child?

552
00:28:41,130 --> 00:28:43,090
Speaker 1: Because we all know that I struggled at the beginning

553
00:28:43,530 --> 00:28:46,330
Speaker 1: and my priorities in life changed drastically, which they do

554
00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:50,130
Speaker 1: as a mother. That's normal. What's not normal is to

555
00:28:50,130 --> 00:28:52,650
Speaker 1: do it all by yourself with no support. And I

556
00:28:52,730 --> 00:28:54,970
Speaker 1: was not getting any support from him. But I had

557
00:28:55,010 --> 00:28:59,410
Speaker 1: accepted that, and I had watched relationships around me and

558
00:28:59,570 --> 00:29:02,290
Speaker 1: seen how other dads were acting, and they weren't out

559
00:29:02,330 --> 00:29:04,450
Speaker 1: on a golf course, and they weren't out drinking until

560
00:29:04,490 --> 00:29:07,650
Speaker 1: five am. They were super invested, they were super helpful,

561
00:29:07,690 --> 00:29:09,610
Speaker 1: and they just accepted that this was the season they

562
00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:12,250
Speaker 1: were in. And I would voice this to my husband,

563
00:29:12,290 --> 00:29:14,690
Speaker 1: who would just tell me that comparison is the thief

564
00:29:14,690 --> 00:29:18,330
Speaker 1: of joy, which within reason, absolutely, But you know, I'm

565
00:29:18,370 --> 00:29:20,170
Speaker 1: not asking for too much. I'm asking you to come

566
00:29:20,170 --> 00:29:22,850
Speaker 1: to swimming lessons on a Sunday morning, but you're too

567
00:29:22,930 --> 00:29:25,290
Speaker 1: hungover to come and do that. Like I said at

568
00:29:25,290 --> 00:29:27,570
Speaker 1: the beginning of the story, where super into fitness. He

569
00:29:27,610 --> 00:29:31,010
Speaker 1: was a semi professional athlete. Drinking was not something that

570
00:29:31,050 --> 00:29:33,970
Speaker 1: we did often. He would have the odd night out

571
00:29:33,970 --> 00:29:36,490
Speaker 1: with friends, and when he was drinking, he would go

572
00:29:36,570 --> 00:29:39,290
Speaker 1: all out, but it was rare. It was not common.

573
00:29:40,010 --> 00:29:43,250
Speaker 1: And so hence, when this all unraveled and he started

574
00:29:43,330 --> 00:29:46,610
Speaker 1: drinking six out of seven days of the week, I've

575
00:29:46,610 --> 00:29:49,930
Speaker 1: flagged it with his parents immediately because I'm thinking there

576
00:29:49,970 --> 00:29:53,730
Speaker 1: is something so wrong here. We not be drinkers and

577
00:29:53,770 --> 00:29:57,410
Speaker 1: it's not really party season. At September, football season had finished,

578
00:29:57,490 --> 00:30:00,410
Speaker 1: so he could definitely drink more, but this was still

579
00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:03,810
Speaker 1: completely out of the blue and something that was really

580
00:30:03,890 --> 00:30:06,050
Speaker 1: out of his character and something that was really unhealthy.

581
00:30:06,490 --> 00:30:09,050
Speaker 1: And you know, as an athlete, which he is, his

582
00:30:09,170 --> 00:30:11,530
Speaker 1: personality is a tight so he can get hooked on

583
00:30:11,530 --> 00:30:14,730
Speaker 1: it anything. And you know, it was by about three

584
00:30:14,810 --> 00:30:17,730
Speaker 1: months in that my friend started telling me, I think

585
00:30:17,810 --> 00:30:19,610
Speaker 1: we really need to sit down and talk to him

586
00:30:19,610 --> 00:30:22,450
Speaker 1: about drug use and see if that's involved. I was

587
00:30:22,450 --> 00:30:26,050
Speaker 1: in complete denial, and I said, there is no way

588
00:30:26,410 --> 00:30:30,010
Speaker 1: he's using drugs because I am very anti drugs. It's

589
00:30:30,050 --> 00:30:31,850
Speaker 1: a deal breaker for me. And he knew that our

590
00:30:31,850 --> 00:30:35,690
Speaker 1: whole relationship and the football scene, whether people admitted or not,

591
00:30:36,130 --> 00:30:38,930
Speaker 1: is heavy on drugs, and he would always tell me

592
00:30:38,930 --> 00:30:40,850
Speaker 1: and swear black and blue that he'd never touch them,

593
00:30:40,850 --> 00:30:42,850
Speaker 1: and I believe him. I took his word as gospel.

594
00:30:43,370 --> 00:30:46,170
Speaker 1: My youngest sister said to me, Amy, I have seen

595
00:30:46,250 --> 00:30:49,170
Speaker 1: him in a bathroom snorting lines before. It's more common

596
00:30:49,210 --> 00:30:51,250
Speaker 1: than what you think, and you really need to not

597
00:30:51,330 --> 00:30:56,450
Speaker 1: be naive here. So I have then gone, Okay, maybe

598
00:30:56,490 --> 00:30:59,650
Speaker 1: he's dabbled in drugs. I need to ask him now.

599
00:30:59,690 --> 00:31:02,130
Speaker 1: Within this time period, we've gone three months of hell,

600
00:31:02,330 --> 00:31:05,570
Speaker 1: but within that time there would be some good days

601
00:31:05,610 --> 00:31:07,090
Speaker 1: where he would be in a good mood and he

602
00:31:07,130 --> 00:31:10,290
Speaker 1: would actually engage in conversation, and when this would happen,

603
00:31:10,410 --> 00:31:13,290
Speaker 1: my body would just go, oh, thank god, here is

604
00:31:13,610 --> 00:31:16,410
Speaker 1: his back. We can talk. And on one of those

605
00:31:16,450 --> 00:31:20,530
Speaker 1: good days, I said to him, are you using drugs?

606
00:31:20,530 --> 00:31:23,530
Speaker 1: And he said no, no, Amy, I've never touched drugs

607
00:31:23,530 --> 00:31:27,410
Speaker 1: ever before in my life. And I just kind of

608
00:31:27,450 --> 00:31:30,010
Speaker 1: sat there and I said, well, that's not what i've heard.

609
00:31:30,170 --> 00:31:33,370
Speaker 1: I've heard that you've definitely doubled. And then that sent

610
00:31:33,490 --> 00:31:36,930
Speaker 1: him spiraling. He was furious and livid with me, but

611
00:31:37,090 --> 00:31:40,010
Speaker 1: continued to deny drug use. So then I've fled to

612
00:31:40,570 --> 00:31:45,450
Speaker 1: my hometown to stay with my parents, and everyone's talking.

613
00:31:45,690 --> 00:31:48,650
Speaker 1: The town is talking, and that talk is getting back

614
00:31:48,690 --> 00:31:52,930
Speaker 1: to Sam. And then I'm copying it on message. Why

615
00:31:53,050 --> 00:31:55,530
Speaker 1: is everyone asking me what's happening? Why is everyone saying

616
00:31:55,530 --> 00:31:58,250
Speaker 1: we've split up? You need to come home? Oh, straight away.

617
00:31:58,290 --> 00:32:01,690
Speaker 1: I'm in the car and I'm driving home. Get home.

618
00:32:02,690 --> 00:32:05,850
Speaker 1: He walks in the door after work hysterically crying. I've

619
00:32:05,890 --> 00:32:09,290
Speaker 1: seen my husband cry maybe once in at this stage

620
00:32:09,330 --> 00:32:12,290
Speaker 1: twelve years, and I just said to him, what is

621
00:32:12,330 --> 00:32:15,370
Speaker 1: going on? What is happening? And he just kept saying,

622
00:32:15,370 --> 00:32:17,290
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know what's happening. I don't

623
00:32:17,330 --> 00:32:19,970
Speaker 1: know what's happening. And then, you know, we went to

624
00:32:19,970 --> 00:32:22,770
Speaker 1: bed that night, and the next day I tried to

625
00:32:22,810 --> 00:32:25,130
Speaker 1: have another conversation with him. He was giving me minimal

626
00:32:25,170 --> 00:32:28,490
Speaker 1: information and he went out again. So I did the

627
00:32:28,490 --> 00:32:32,330
Speaker 1: same thing I did all those years ago, and I

628
00:32:32,370 --> 00:32:35,730
Speaker 1: logged into his social media. And when I logged into

629
00:32:35,770 --> 00:32:38,970
Speaker 1: his social media, I found multiple things, the first being

630
00:32:39,570 --> 00:32:44,770
Speaker 1: drug buying and selling. And in addition to that, I

631
00:32:44,850 --> 00:32:49,330
Speaker 1: found multiple messages to multiple women. Nothing that was super

632
00:32:49,450 --> 00:32:54,850
Speaker 1: untoward except for phone calls that were two hours long

633
00:32:55,290 --> 00:33:00,690
Speaker 1: with his assistant. And by this stage, I'm thinking, okay,

634
00:33:01,290 --> 00:33:04,290
Speaker 1: so he's definitely having an affair and he's definitely using drugs.

635
00:33:04,290 --> 00:33:08,250
Speaker 1: So he's lied to me about two things. And I

636
00:33:08,410 --> 00:33:11,050
Speaker 1: had sent him a message immediately and said I know

637
00:33:12,530 --> 00:33:15,570
Speaker 1: about the affair, I know about the drug use, and

638
00:33:15,650 --> 00:33:16,970
Speaker 1: you need to come home and we need to have

639
00:33:17,010 --> 00:33:21,890
Speaker 1: a conversation. And he didn't want to come home, and

640
00:33:21,930 --> 00:33:24,770
Speaker 1: in fact, he didn't come home until six thirty am.

641
00:33:25,250 --> 00:33:28,970
Speaker 1: I absolutely was hysterical, And that was the very first time.

642
00:33:29,010 --> 00:33:31,570
Speaker 1: We're about five months into this shit show by this stage.

643
00:33:32,090 --> 00:33:33,890
Speaker 1: That was the first time he said to me that

644
00:33:33,970 --> 00:33:37,370
Speaker 1: he was leaving the marriage, and he said, I'm unhappy.

645
00:33:37,650 --> 00:33:40,610
Speaker 1: You don't make me happy. Marrying you and having the

646
00:33:40,690 --> 00:33:47,170
Speaker 1: child was the biggest regret of my life. Just absolute devastation.

647
00:33:48,410 --> 00:33:50,690
Speaker 1: I can take myself back to that moment on the

648
00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:52,930
Speaker 1: floor rocking in a ball, which I had done so

649
00:33:53,010 --> 00:33:56,570
Speaker 1: many times over that past five months, but this was

650
00:33:56,610 --> 00:34:00,610
Speaker 1: sheer desperation, and I was just begging him not to

651
00:34:00,690 --> 00:34:05,370
Speaker 1: do it, begging him because again, five months ago, we're

652
00:34:05,410 --> 00:34:09,170
Speaker 1: trying for a second baby, and I just don't understand

653
00:34:09,210 --> 00:34:12,010
Speaker 1: how you can flick a switch that quickly. Do you know?

654
00:34:12,090 --> 00:34:14,130
Speaker 1: Of all the things he had said to me over

655
00:34:14,170 --> 00:34:16,770
Speaker 1: that time period, to which the verbal abuse was extreme,

656
00:34:17,090 --> 00:34:19,850
Speaker 1: it was terrible, and he was saying awful things, but

657
00:34:20,050 --> 00:34:24,010
Speaker 1: this was just completely different. The rejection from someone you've

658
00:34:24,010 --> 00:34:26,810
Speaker 1: spent your whole life with is just something that you

659
00:34:26,850 --> 00:34:30,730
Speaker 1: can't really handle. And I'm begging him not to do it,

660
00:34:30,890 --> 00:34:32,890
Speaker 1: and he is just laughing at me. So I'm on

661
00:34:32,930 --> 00:34:35,730
Speaker 1: the floor begging him and he's just laughing and he's

662
00:34:35,770 --> 00:34:39,170
Speaker 1: saying things like, you are pathetic, this is why I'm

663
00:34:39,250 --> 00:34:42,690
Speaker 1: leaving here. You're begging for me. Look at you begging

664
00:34:42,690 --> 00:34:44,890
Speaker 1: for me. I just thought, well, I gave you everything

665
00:34:44,930 --> 00:34:48,210
Speaker 1: you wanted. You wanted space, I gave you space you

666
00:34:48,290 --> 00:34:51,130
Speaker 1: wanted time. I gave you time. You wanted to talk.

667
00:34:51,250 --> 00:34:52,970
Speaker 1: I was here to talk. You wanted me out of

668
00:34:53,010 --> 00:34:54,810
Speaker 1: the house. I left the house. You wanted me back

669
00:34:54,810 --> 00:34:58,370
Speaker 1: in the house. I came home. So I'm just completely

670
00:34:58,410 --> 00:35:02,770
Speaker 1: mind blown by this stage. Then he goes out for

671
00:35:02,810 --> 00:35:05,410
Speaker 1: the day. I'm hysterical. My whole family's over to try

672
00:35:05,410 --> 00:35:07,490
Speaker 1: and help me. And then I'm like, you need to

673
00:35:07,490 --> 00:35:09,530
Speaker 1: get out of the house because he doesn't want any

674
00:35:09,570 --> 00:35:12,610
Speaker 1: of my family in the house and he has completely

675
00:35:12,690 --> 00:35:17,850
Speaker 1: isolated me from all of my people. Thank goodness that

676
00:35:17,970 --> 00:35:20,450
Speaker 1: I call and talk because otherwise I would have had

677
00:35:20,450 --> 00:35:24,130
Speaker 1: no network. And you know, I'm like, he's left me.

678
00:35:24,210 --> 00:35:27,490
Speaker 1: That's it, We're done. He's left me and then goes

679
00:35:27,530 --> 00:35:29,490
Speaker 1: out on a night out, comes home the next day,

680
00:35:29,770 --> 00:35:31,810
Speaker 1: tells me how much he loves me and are we

681
00:35:31,890 --> 00:35:35,250
Speaker 1: trying for a second baby. For the next two weeks,

682
00:35:35,250 --> 00:35:37,570
Speaker 1: it just went on that cycle of I'm leaving, I'm

683
00:35:37,610 --> 00:35:40,090
Speaker 1: not leaving, let's have a baby, let's not have a baby,

684
00:35:40,170 --> 00:35:42,850
Speaker 1: I hate you, I love you, et cetera, et cetera,

685
00:35:42,890 --> 00:35:45,650
Speaker 1: et cetera. When he would come home and was angry,

686
00:35:46,250 --> 00:35:47,770
Speaker 1: you know, I would have to run and lock my

687
00:35:47,810 --> 00:35:51,210
Speaker 1: door and hide in the bedroom because we're so unsafe.

688
00:35:52,170 --> 00:35:55,690
Speaker 1: James has seen so much by this stage, he's heard

689
00:35:55,730 --> 00:35:58,650
Speaker 1: so much, and you know, it's just a super unhealthy

690
00:35:58,690 --> 00:36:02,450
Speaker 1: and unhappy household. He could do no wrong, in my eyes,

691
00:36:02,770 --> 00:36:05,850
Speaker 1: And that's such an awful place to be in, to

692
00:36:05,930 --> 00:36:11,490
Speaker 1: be so desperate that someone can be abusing you verbally, physically, emotionally, financially,

693
00:36:12,290 --> 00:36:15,530
Speaker 1: but they abuse you and they have such control of

694
00:36:15,610 --> 00:36:18,890
Speaker 1: you that they can do no wrong. And to me,

695
00:36:19,650 --> 00:36:23,130
Speaker 1: dealing with whatever he was going through and me copying

696
00:36:23,370 --> 00:36:26,370
Speaker 1: the wrath of that, that was fine. If it meant

697
00:36:26,370 --> 00:36:28,770
Speaker 1: that our family was going to be together, I would

698
00:36:28,810 --> 00:36:31,210
Speaker 1: have let him do this for the next ten years.

699
00:36:31,610 --> 00:36:33,810
Speaker 1: That's where my mindset was at, and that's what an

700
00:36:33,850 --> 00:36:37,290
Speaker 1: abusive relationship looks like. I had people around me saying,

701
00:36:37,490 --> 00:36:40,450
Speaker 1: walk out the door, change the locks, don't let him

702
00:36:40,450 --> 00:36:42,570
Speaker 1: come home, and I just kept saying to them, you

703
00:36:42,570 --> 00:36:45,970
Speaker 1: don't understand. This isn't him, this is not him, and

704
00:36:46,010 --> 00:36:47,890
Speaker 1: they were saying, this is him. He's showing you the

705
00:36:47,930 --> 00:36:49,690
Speaker 1: real hymn, and no you don't know him, and it

706
00:36:49,730 --> 00:36:53,810
Speaker 1: would cause so much thanks between me, my friends, and

707
00:36:53,850 --> 00:36:56,690
Speaker 1: my family because they were just riding the waves with me.

708
00:36:57,290 --> 00:36:59,250
Speaker 1: One minute we're in love, one minute he hates me.

709
00:36:59,290 --> 00:37:02,050
Speaker 1: One minute I'm devastated, one minute we're okay, one minute

710
00:37:02,090 --> 00:37:04,810
Speaker 1: I'm answering the phone, one minute I'm not. It's just

711
00:37:04,810 --> 00:37:05,970
Speaker 1: hell for everyone involved.

712
00:37:06,490 --> 00:37:10,530
Speaker 2: But then it escalated even more when finances became involved.

713
00:37:10,810 --> 00:37:13,370
Speaker 1: Whilst we're at home with my parents, I check our

714
00:37:13,410 --> 00:37:16,170
Speaker 1: bank account because we had a bill come in and

715
00:37:16,210 --> 00:37:18,770
Speaker 1: I noticed that there was a large sum of money

716
00:37:19,170 --> 00:37:23,250
Speaker 1: withdrawn from the bank account, and I tried to ask

717
00:37:23,330 --> 00:37:25,690
Speaker 1: him about it straight away, because I think as soon

718
00:37:25,730 --> 00:37:28,970
Speaker 1: as money's involved, especially given I'm a stay at home mum,

719
00:37:29,610 --> 00:37:32,010
Speaker 1: then this is really starting to escalate to a dangerous place.

720
00:37:33,170 --> 00:37:35,650
Speaker 1: He told me that it was withdrawn to buy a

721
00:37:35,650 --> 00:37:40,330
Speaker 1: bike and that it was nothing to worry about. I

722
00:37:40,490 --> 00:37:43,890
Speaker 1: just kind of was like, that's fine. I'm glad you've

723
00:37:43,890 --> 00:37:46,610
Speaker 1: got a bike. If he's going to take up cycling

724
00:37:46,650 --> 00:37:50,690
Speaker 1: for his own time, that's fine. Then you know. I

725
00:37:50,770 --> 00:37:53,090
Speaker 1: made it a habit of checking the bank account daily

726
00:37:53,490 --> 00:37:57,930
Speaker 1: and every second day, three grand here, three grand here,

727
00:37:58,490 --> 00:38:01,090
Speaker 1: four grand here, and it got to the point where

728
00:38:01,210 --> 00:38:04,090
Speaker 1: our bank account was almost in negatives, and then he

729
00:38:04,130 --> 00:38:07,810
Speaker 1: started withdrawing off our home loan. I would ask him

730
00:38:07,810 --> 00:38:10,050
Speaker 1: every time he'd make a withdraw, I would ask him

731
00:38:10,290 --> 00:38:12,690
Speaker 1: what he was withdrawing for, and he would just ignore

732
00:38:12,730 --> 00:38:15,450
Speaker 1: the question, so I would have no answer, and he

733
00:38:15,490 --> 00:38:17,530
Speaker 1: would tell me not to worry about the finances. He

734
00:38:17,610 --> 00:38:20,610
Speaker 1: was the one working, it was his money, and that

735
00:38:20,610 --> 00:38:23,210
Speaker 1: there was always going to be enough money for us

736
00:38:23,330 --> 00:38:25,610
Speaker 1: to survive, and the mortgage was always paid, so I

737
00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:28,610
Speaker 1: just didn't need to worry about it. By this stage,

738
00:38:29,210 --> 00:38:32,490
Speaker 1: my parents have dragged me into the local lawyer in

739
00:38:32,610 --> 00:38:36,650
Speaker 1: town and they're asking for advice. And I am screaming

740
00:38:36,730 --> 00:38:40,010
Speaker 1: hysterically at my parents because I'm telling them I'm not

741
00:38:40,050 --> 00:38:44,250
Speaker 1: getting divorced. There's nothing wrong here, there's nothing happening. Complete denial.

742
00:38:44,690 --> 00:38:46,690
Speaker 1: This poor lawyer is looking at me like this girl,

743
00:38:46,730 --> 00:38:49,610
Speaker 1: this silly girl. The lawyer is telling me things like

744
00:38:49,690 --> 00:38:52,050
Speaker 1: you need to withdraw money, you need to protect yourself,

745
00:38:52,090 --> 00:38:53,450
Speaker 1: you need to put a two to sign on the

746
00:38:53,490 --> 00:38:56,330
Speaker 1: home loan, and you know all things that I was

747
00:38:56,370 --> 00:38:58,090
Speaker 1: then telling my parents that I was doing, but I

748
00:38:58,130 --> 00:39:01,490
Speaker 1: absolutely was not, because if I'm taking money from the

749
00:39:01,490 --> 00:39:04,050
Speaker 1: bank account too. That's going to make him even more angry.

750
00:39:04,210 --> 00:39:06,930
Speaker 1: If I make him even more angry, then he's definitely

751
00:39:06,930 --> 00:39:09,170
Speaker 1: going to leave me. Then I'm definitely not going to

752
00:39:09,170 --> 00:39:12,370
Speaker 1: have my family. So I was just telling everyone what

753
00:39:12,410 --> 00:39:13,050
Speaker 1: they wanted to hear.

754
00:39:15,170 --> 00:39:17,730
Speaker 2: But Amy isn't stupid. She wasn't going to let him

755
00:39:17,730 --> 00:39:20,730
Speaker 2: get away with treating her this way, so she decided

756
00:39:20,770 --> 00:39:22,370
Speaker 2: to get to the bottom of it herself.

757
00:39:23,050 --> 00:39:26,490
Speaker 1: He was withdrawing all of this money, and I didn't

758
00:39:26,530 --> 00:39:29,530
Speaker 1: know what he was using the money for. And you know,

759
00:39:30,050 --> 00:39:33,570
Speaker 1: after a few withdrawals, I kind of started to realize

760
00:39:33,690 --> 00:39:36,410
Speaker 1: that he was doing it so that there was no

761
00:39:36,490 --> 00:39:39,770
Speaker 1: paper trail. I couldn't find where he was, couldn't see

762
00:39:39,770 --> 00:39:42,810
Speaker 1: what he was doing. And so I started to take

763
00:39:42,850 --> 00:39:44,890
Speaker 1: things into my own hands and thought, well, I'll investigate.

764
00:39:44,890 --> 00:39:46,290
Speaker 1: If you're not going to tell me what you're doing,

765
00:39:46,330 --> 00:39:49,770
Speaker 1: I'll find out what you're doing. And one night I

766
00:39:49,970 --> 00:39:55,610
Speaker 1: open up Facebook and Instagram is linked, so jackpot, I

767
00:39:55,650 --> 00:39:58,610
Speaker 1: had both right in front of me, and I felt

768
00:39:58,650 --> 00:40:01,890
Speaker 1: sick doing it, because no one wants to go through

769
00:40:01,890 --> 00:40:04,690
Speaker 1: somebody else's things, But I just had no idea what

770
00:40:04,810 --> 00:40:09,170
Speaker 1: was happening. And I spent hours going through messages. There

771
00:40:09,250 --> 00:40:13,170
Speaker 1: was messages to other women, there was messages to drug

772
00:40:13,210 --> 00:40:16,530
Speaker 1: dealers to buy drugs, there was messages from people to

773
00:40:16,570 --> 00:40:20,410
Speaker 1: buy drugs off him, and there was a common theme

774
00:40:20,410 --> 00:40:23,410
Speaker 1: that it was all people he worked with, so no

775
00:40:23,450 --> 00:40:26,170
Speaker 1: one that we knew from our life. This was his

776
00:40:26,290 --> 00:40:28,490
Speaker 1: new work life, which I was never a part of.

777
00:40:29,290 --> 00:40:32,650
Speaker 1: And then I opened up a message, saw the name.

778
00:40:32,890 --> 00:40:38,450
Speaker 1: Recognize the name, it's his assistant and there is video

779
00:40:38,610 --> 00:40:43,570
Speaker 1: calls over messenger two hours long, multiple times a week.

780
00:40:44,410 --> 00:40:46,730
Speaker 1: I tried ringing him, and I tried ringing him so

781
00:40:46,890 --> 00:40:50,850
Speaker 1: many times because I'm hysterical. I've just found out everything

782
00:40:50,850 --> 00:40:53,610
Speaker 1: that I kind of already knew that was happening. And

783
00:40:53,730 --> 00:40:58,490
Speaker 1: I will never forget this because I was just completely inconsolable.

784
00:40:58,650 --> 00:41:01,090
Speaker 1: He sent me a message and said I can't do

785
00:41:01,210 --> 00:41:04,930
Speaker 1: this anymore, enjoy life with our son, and then turned

786
00:41:04,970 --> 00:41:07,490
Speaker 1: off his phone. It's like three am in the morning,

787
00:41:07,650 --> 00:41:10,650
Speaker 1: and I have rung him about two hundred times once

788
00:41:10,690 --> 00:41:12,610
Speaker 1: he's turned his phone off because I now think that

789
00:41:12,650 --> 00:41:14,890
Speaker 1: he's going to do something that's going to harm himself.

790
00:41:15,730 --> 00:41:18,410
Speaker 1: Rang his parents again three o'clock in the morning and

791
00:41:18,450 --> 00:41:21,330
Speaker 1: said something's really wrong. They've told me that I just

792
00:41:21,410 --> 00:41:23,450
Speaker 1: need to just kind of sit. I've tried to get

793
00:41:23,490 --> 00:41:25,090
Speaker 1: someone to the house so that I can drive and

794
00:41:25,130 --> 00:41:29,410
Speaker 1: find him. I'm hysterical. Then I get a message at

795
00:41:29,450 --> 00:41:32,810
Speaker 1: six point thirty what have you done? And he came

796
00:41:32,850 --> 00:41:35,570
Speaker 1: home and we sat down in the playroom and our

797
00:41:35,610 --> 00:41:38,250
Speaker 1: son was playing with his toys. There was no yelling

798
00:41:38,330 --> 00:41:41,330
Speaker 1: for the first time, and I just said, are you

799
00:41:41,450 --> 00:41:45,450
Speaker 1: having an affair? And he denied it black and blue. No, Nope,

800
00:41:45,490 --> 00:41:48,570
Speaker 1: not having an affair. She's with someone I work with.

801
00:41:48,690 --> 00:41:52,770
Speaker 1: They're happy together. I'm definitely not having an affair. She's

802
00:41:52,850 --> 00:41:55,250
Speaker 1: helping me. She's helping me through what I'm going through.

803
00:41:55,290 --> 00:41:58,010
Speaker 1: And I said, why don't you talk to me. I

804
00:41:58,050 --> 00:42:00,930
Speaker 1: can help you through what you're going through. And he said,

805
00:42:00,970 --> 00:42:02,490
Speaker 1: I can't talk to you. I don't want to talk

806
00:42:02,530 --> 00:42:06,690
Speaker 1: to you. It's toxic. We're toxic. Then he got up

807
00:42:06,730 --> 00:42:10,290
Speaker 1: and he started packing a bag, and I just was hysterical.

808
00:42:10,530 --> 00:42:12,930
Speaker 1: My heart broke into a moon pieces because I knew

809
00:42:13,050 --> 00:42:14,810
Speaker 1: that once he walked out that door, that was it.

810
00:42:14,850 --> 00:42:17,450
Speaker 1: He was never coming back. And that's exactly what he did.

811
00:42:17,490 --> 00:42:23,010
Speaker 1: Packed his bags, walked outdoor. I called my sisters, my

812
00:42:23,090 --> 00:42:26,890
Speaker 1: sisters and I extremely close, and they had riven the

813
00:42:26,930 --> 00:42:29,410
Speaker 1: waves and they all knew that it was coming. It

814
00:42:29,450 --> 00:42:32,010
Speaker 1: was me who didn't think that it was coming, and

815
00:42:32,050 --> 00:42:36,050
Speaker 1: they came over and tried to help. But the only

816
00:42:36,090 --> 00:42:38,330
Speaker 1: way that I can explain it is that I was

817
00:42:38,370 --> 00:42:42,450
Speaker 1: watching myself. It was like an out of body experience,

818
00:42:42,690 --> 00:42:46,930
Speaker 1: like I was outside of my body watching myself in autopilot.

819
00:42:47,450 --> 00:42:49,450
Speaker 1: My son was looked after, and he was careful, and

820
00:42:49,490 --> 00:42:51,850
Speaker 1: I always had food on the table for him. He

821
00:42:51,970 --> 00:42:55,530
Speaker 1: was in routine. But I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping. I

822
00:42:55,610 --> 00:42:58,970
Speaker 1: was just crying all day every day, ringing people, crying,

823
00:42:59,650 --> 00:43:01,970
Speaker 1: and I just thought he was coming home, and I

824
00:43:01,970 --> 00:43:05,530
Speaker 1: would send him ten thousand messages a day, begging him,

825
00:43:06,010 --> 00:43:08,770
Speaker 1: you know, to come home and be with his family,

826
00:43:08,810 --> 00:43:11,330
Speaker 1: and he would just get increasingly angrier and angrier that

827
00:43:11,370 --> 00:43:14,290
Speaker 1: I was contacting him. Yeah, so I tried to go

828
00:43:15,450 --> 00:43:18,170
Speaker 1: no contact, and then that's when I got a message

829
00:43:18,170 --> 00:43:20,290
Speaker 1: from my friend's mum of him and his new girlfriend

830
00:43:20,290 --> 00:43:24,330
Speaker 1: on Rottnest Island in Perth, a week after he left

831
00:43:25,130 --> 00:43:28,370
Speaker 1: the assistant, so they were both home in affair together.

832
00:43:29,490 --> 00:43:32,050
Speaker 1: I straightway spiraled out of control and I tried ringing

833
00:43:32,210 --> 00:43:35,530
Speaker 1: my husband multiple times, and he just wasn't answering, and

834
00:43:35,570 --> 00:43:37,330
Speaker 1: I said, I knew it. I knew that you were

835
00:43:37,330 --> 00:43:39,290
Speaker 1: with her. I knew you were with her. I'm going

836
00:43:39,330 --> 00:43:42,010
Speaker 1: to send this photo to her boyfriend, who they both

837
00:43:42,050 --> 00:43:45,890
Speaker 1: worked with. They all worked for the same company. And

838
00:43:46,010 --> 00:43:48,290
Speaker 1: he said, don't you dare send that photo. You look

839
00:43:48,370 --> 00:43:51,050
Speaker 1: like an idiot. You're ruining my career. You're ruining my

840
00:43:51,130 --> 00:43:53,050
Speaker 1: reputation if you do that. And I said, he has

841
00:43:53,090 --> 00:43:57,730
Speaker 1: a right to know. It was almost like a relief

842
00:43:57,770 --> 00:43:59,850
Speaker 1: that I finally knew what was happening. I knew that

843
00:43:59,930 --> 00:44:02,410
Speaker 1: he was using drugs, and that was confirmed because his

844
00:44:02,810 --> 00:44:05,010
Speaker 1: personality had changed so much, So at least I felt

845
00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:09,090
Speaker 1: better about the instant snapping personality. And then finally I

846
00:44:09,170 --> 00:44:12,530
Speaker 1: found out about the affair. So I'm like, okay, well

847
00:44:12,850 --> 00:44:14,890
Speaker 1: now we know why he's left his family. Because the

848
00:44:14,890 --> 00:44:17,610
Speaker 1: grass is greenery, he's got a better option. He rings

849
00:44:17,650 --> 00:44:20,650
Speaker 1: me at lunchtime and says, I'm on my way now.

850
00:44:20,770 --> 00:44:25,250
Speaker 1: He has never come home before five o'clock ever in

851
00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:28,530
Speaker 1: our whole entire marriage, and it's lunchtime. I'm thinking, this

852
00:44:28,690 --> 00:44:30,450
Speaker 1: is weird. I wasn't really prepared for it, but I'm

853
00:44:30,450 --> 00:44:34,130
Speaker 1: like whatever, and he comes flying in the door and

854
00:44:34,290 --> 00:44:37,810
Speaker 1: straight away I'm like, oh dear, this is not good.

855
00:44:37,930 --> 00:44:42,410
Speaker 1: He is completely heightened and this is a version of

856
00:44:42,490 --> 00:44:44,570
Speaker 1: him that I have not seen. There was steam coming

857
00:44:44,610 --> 00:44:47,690
Speaker 1: from his ears. And I'm sitting on the lounge and

858
00:44:47,730 --> 00:44:50,810
Speaker 1: our son is playing, and he's just screaming at me,

859
00:44:50,890 --> 00:44:54,410
Speaker 1: Are you happy? Are you happy? I am the talk

860
00:44:54,530 --> 00:44:57,570
Speaker 1: of the town at work. Are you happy? And I

861
00:44:57,610 --> 00:45:01,010
Speaker 1: was like, I'm not happy at all. I'm devastated. I

862
00:45:01,050 --> 00:45:03,930
Speaker 1: have no idea what's going on. I don't know who

863
00:45:03,970 --> 00:45:07,690
Speaker 1: you are. And I'm just sitting there crying. And he

864
00:45:07,770 --> 00:45:11,130
Speaker 1: has just screamed at me for a whole hour, and

865
00:45:11,330 --> 00:45:13,890
Speaker 1: within in that hour, he's saying things like, how do

866
00:45:13,930 --> 00:45:15,770
Speaker 1: you expect us to be a family when you do

867
00:45:15,850 --> 00:45:19,570
Speaker 1: things like this? And then I'd say, oh, okay, so

868
00:45:19,610 --> 00:45:21,930
Speaker 1: you are coming back. No, I'm not coming back. Look

869
00:45:21,970 --> 00:45:24,370
Speaker 1: at you. I want nothing to do with you. All

870
00:45:24,370 --> 00:45:29,330
Speaker 1: in the one conversation, so erratic, so completely unhinged, all

871
00:45:29,370 --> 00:45:31,890
Speaker 1: the while our almost two year old is sitting on

872
00:45:31,890 --> 00:45:35,330
Speaker 1: the floor playing with his toys. And then it just

873
00:45:35,370 --> 00:45:38,450
Speaker 1: gets to the point we're at the hour mark and

874
00:45:38,730 --> 00:45:41,210
Speaker 1: it's screaming, I know that the neighbors are all listening.

875
00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:44,130
Speaker 1: I'm humiliated, and I just said to him, you need

876
00:45:44,170 --> 00:45:47,090
Speaker 1: to get out. I can't do it anymore. Get out.

877
00:45:47,890 --> 00:45:51,610
Speaker 1: And he's saying to me, laughing at me, and he's saying,

878
00:45:51,610 --> 00:45:53,170
Speaker 1: you can't tell me to get out of my own house.

879
00:45:53,250 --> 00:45:56,010
Speaker 1: I pay the mortgage. And then he picks up my

880
00:45:56,050 --> 00:45:58,210
Speaker 1: phone and he's saying, is all the evidence on here?

881
00:45:58,490 --> 00:46:00,530
Speaker 1: Is this way? You've got everything is this way, You've

882
00:46:00,570 --> 00:46:04,050
Speaker 1: got screenshots of everything, and he's waving my phone around

883
00:46:04,330 --> 00:46:08,210
Speaker 1: and in other altercations, he'd already broken two of my phones,

884
00:46:08,970 --> 00:46:11,450
Speaker 1: and he's taking it over to the sink, trying to

885
00:46:11,490 --> 00:46:14,370
Speaker 1: run water over it. So this is all happening in

886
00:46:14,370 --> 00:46:16,770
Speaker 1: front of the baby. I'm running over. I'm trying to

887
00:46:16,810 --> 00:46:18,610
Speaker 1: get my phone, and he pushes me out of the way,

888
00:46:19,370 --> 00:46:24,170
Speaker 1: and you know, forty kilos traumatized, nothing of me flung

889
00:46:24,810 --> 00:46:27,690
Speaker 1: right back into the wall. And then so I'm like,

890
00:46:27,810 --> 00:46:30,570
Speaker 1: what can I do here? I'm really scared. He's very manic.

891
00:46:31,410 --> 00:46:32,890
Speaker 1: I don't know if he's on a come down. I

892
00:46:32,930 --> 00:46:37,650
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening survival mode. So I go and

893
00:46:37,690 --> 00:46:39,890
Speaker 1: open the front door so that the neighbors can hear,

894
00:46:40,970 --> 00:46:44,250
Speaker 1: and then he goes into the bedroom, you know, throws

895
00:46:44,250 --> 00:46:46,650
Speaker 1: me onto the bed, and that's when there was a

896
00:46:46,650 --> 00:46:52,170
Speaker 1: physical altercation. That's when you know, fight or flight kicks in.

897
00:46:52,170 --> 00:46:55,170
Speaker 1: In my mind, this man is now a monster. I

898
00:46:55,210 --> 00:46:56,930
Speaker 1: don't know who he is, and I need to get

899
00:46:56,970 --> 00:47:00,930
Speaker 1: him out of my space. So I have taken his clothes,

900
00:47:01,530 --> 00:47:04,530
Speaker 1: remembering that he's all based around reputation, I've grabbed clothes

901
00:47:04,530 --> 00:47:06,370
Speaker 1: out of the wardrobe and I've just started throwing him

902
00:47:06,370 --> 00:47:08,210
Speaker 1: out the front because I'm thinking, if he knows that

903
00:47:08,290 --> 00:47:10,090
Speaker 1: neighbors are seeing this, he will get in the car

904
00:47:10,130 --> 00:47:13,930
Speaker 1: and driveway. So we probably looked insane, but I was

905
00:47:13,970 --> 00:47:15,930
Speaker 1: throwing clothes out, he was picking them up, trying to

906
00:47:15,970 --> 00:47:18,370
Speaker 1: throw them back in, and I was screaming for help

907
00:47:18,810 --> 00:47:21,850
Speaker 1: down the street. And you know, then as soon as

908
00:47:21,890 --> 00:47:25,690
Speaker 1: I started screaming for help, he just got in the car,

909
00:47:25,890 --> 00:47:27,490
Speaker 1: picked up all his clothes that were on the driveway,

910
00:47:27,530 --> 00:47:29,970
Speaker 1: put them in the car, and sped off. And within

911
00:47:30,490 --> 00:47:32,210
Speaker 1: you know, five minutes, I had the whole street in

912
00:47:32,250 --> 00:47:35,170
Speaker 1: my house, and then within an hour I had twenty

913
00:47:35,170 --> 00:47:37,730
Speaker 1: family in the house. The neighbors by this stage had

914
00:47:37,730 --> 00:47:40,610
Speaker 1: caught the police. My parents had come from the country

915
00:47:41,090 --> 00:47:44,330
Speaker 1: must his siblings had all come. I was just completely

916
00:47:44,410 --> 00:47:47,570
Speaker 1: distraught on the floor, and then the police arrived, and

917
00:47:48,330 --> 00:47:51,890
Speaker 1: you know, they encouraged me to press charges. And again

918
00:47:52,290 --> 00:47:54,690
Speaker 1: in my mind, this is the love of my life,

919
00:47:54,690 --> 00:47:59,130
Speaker 1: who could do no wrong. So I'm sitting there, you know,

920
00:47:59,530 --> 00:48:04,490
Speaker 1: with visible damage, still thinking that he was going to

921
00:48:04,530 --> 00:48:07,210
Speaker 1: come back, and then had to go to court the

922
00:48:07,210 --> 00:48:11,210
Speaker 1: next day with my two year old in tow two

923
00:48:12,090 --> 00:48:14,450
Speaker 1: get some form of protection on us. And that's when

924
00:48:14,490 --> 00:48:18,130
Speaker 1: I actually finally realized that it was probably done forever.

925
00:48:20,810 --> 00:48:23,050
Speaker 1: The judge was very firm that the restraining order would

926
00:48:23,050 --> 00:48:26,690
Speaker 1: only protect me. The restraining order would not protect our

927
00:48:26,810 --> 00:48:32,330
Speaker 1: child because they are very firm on both parents having

928
00:48:32,370 --> 00:48:37,450
Speaker 1: access to the child. So I said, I completely understand

929
00:48:37,530 --> 00:48:41,450
Speaker 1: what you're saying. I don't think he's safe in his care,

930
00:48:41,610 --> 00:48:44,090
Speaker 1: but if he contacts me about the child, I will

931
00:48:44,130 --> 00:48:47,330
Speaker 1: absolutely reply. So essentially our contact was only to be

932
00:48:47,410 --> 00:48:51,010
Speaker 1: about the child and about the property, and we went

933
00:48:51,250 --> 00:48:55,490
Speaker 1: probably a period of six weeks with zero communication. I'm

934
00:48:55,530 --> 00:48:58,650
Speaker 1: now back at work trying to survive. I'm actually working

935
00:48:58,930 --> 00:49:01,890
Speaker 1: in the country at my parents' house, but going between

936
00:49:01,970 --> 00:49:05,490
Speaker 1: both homes trying to maintain the property. It was essential

937
00:49:05,570 --> 00:49:08,490
Speaker 1: to me that I kept the house. I'm a single mother.

938
00:49:09,290 --> 00:49:12,330
Speaker 1: I would never own property again. It was essential that

939
00:49:12,370 --> 00:49:15,050
Speaker 1: I kept a roof over my son's head. And you know,

940
00:49:15,170 --> 00:49:17,970
Speaker 1: I'm just getting through the days. I'm only working two

941
00:49:18,010 --> 00:49:20,090
Speaker 1: days a week because that's all that I can cope

942
00:49:20,090 --> 00:49:23,850
Speaker 1: with mentally, and everyone is helping me. I haven't heard

943
00:49:23,850 --> 00:49:27,970
Speaker 1: from him. Then we both get gastro and parenting alone

944
00:49:28,090 --> 00:49:31,650
Speaker 1: is hard at the best of times, parenting with gastro

945
00:49:31,930 --> 00:49:34,810
Speaker 1: alone is a completely different ballgame. I was having to

946
00:49:34,890 --> 00:49:36,810
Speaker 1: leave piles of vomit on the floor and just deal

947
00:49:36,810 --> 00:49:38,770
Speaker 1: with them at a later date. You know, we were

948
00:49:38,810 --> 00:49:42,050
Speaker 1: just so sick, and I thought, if ever he's going

949
00:49:42,050 --> 00:49:44,770
Speaker 1: to be a human, this is probably the time. So

950
00:49:44,810 --> 00:49:46,810
Speaker 1: I messaged It was me that broke no contact, and

951
00:49:46,850 --> 00:49:49,410
Speaker 1: I said, we are so sick, and I knew that

952
00:49:49,450 --> 00:49:53,090
Speaker 1: he was living a kilometer away with his parents, so

953
00:49:53,170 --> 00:49:56,010
Speaker 1: we are so unwell. Can you please drop supplies to

954
00:49:56,050 --> 00:50:02,330
Speaker 1: the house, And he straightway refused because of the vro,

955
00:50:02,530 --> 00:50:05,330
Speaker 1: which I do understand. I understand. I didn't want to

956
00:50:05,330 --> 00:50:08,810
Speaker 1: see him. I just wanted them dropped, but again I thought, okay,

957
00:50:08,890 --> 00:50:11,570
Speaker 1: no heart there, and then he checked in the next day,

958
00:50:11,650 --> 00:50:14,250
Speaker 1: how are you, And I said, We're still very unwell.

959
00:50:14,970 --> 00:50:18,490
Speaker 1: And then because we're in contact and it's pleasant, you know,

960
00:50:18,570 --> 00:50:21,810
Speaker 1: it's not how our communication normally is, but it was pleasant.

961
00:50:22,450 --> 00:50:25,210
Speaker 1: I've straight away gone back into the cycle of thinking, Okay,

962
00:50:25,250 --> 00:50:28,090
Speaker 1: maybe he's finally sorting himself out and he'll come back.

963
00:50:28,690 --> 00:50:31,850
Speaker 1: That never happened, and six months went by and he

964
00:50:31,890 --> 00:50:34,450
Speaker 1: hadn't seen our son in six months. In that time,

965
00:50:34,530 --> 00:50:37,730
Speaker 1: he had been on an America trip for six weeks

966
00:50:37,730 --> 00:50:41,770
Speaker 1: with his new family, which was his new girlfriend and

967
00:50:41,850 --> 00:50:50,130
Speaker 1: her entire family, siblings, parents, everyone. He would pop up

968
00:50:50,170 --> 00:50:53,890
Speaker 1: and ask to FaceTime and I would facilitate that, and

969
00:50:53,970 --> 00:50:56,690
Speaker 1: then it got to a point where he wanted to

970
00:50:56,690 --> 00:51:00,730
Speaker 1: see him. So our lawyers agreed on three hours supervised

971
00:51:00,810 --> 00:51:04,730
Speaker 1: visits every Saturday. I can count on two hands how

972
00:51:04,730 --> 00:51:08,410
Speaker 1: often that happened. They were supervised by his parents, and

973
00:51:08,890 --> 00:51:12,810
Speaker 1: I was always waiting in ankst to see if he

974
00:51:12,930 --> 00:51:15,730
Speaker 1: was going to show up or not, and more often

975
00:51:15,730 --> 00:51:19,530
Speaker 1: than not, it just didn't go ahead. So they probably

976
00:51:19,570 --> 00:51:23,810
Speaker 1: had maybe eight visits across the whole year, never anything

977
00:51:23,850 --> 00:51:28,410
Speaker 1: longer than three hours. Now, I am very firm on

978
00:51:28,450 --> 00:51:31,410
Speaker 1: the fact that I did not keep the child from him.

979
00:51:31,730 --> 00:51:34,570
Speaker 1: He had access to him every Saturday, and if he

980
00:51:34,610 --> 00:51:37,170
Speaker 1: wanted extra time, all that he needed to do was

981
00:51:37,210 --> 00:51:41,410
Speaker 1: a drug test. Throughout the entire year, I copped it

982
00:51:41,450 --> 00:51:44,850
Speaker 1: from him big time about keeping the child from him,

983
00:51:45,290 --> 00:51:48,810
Speaker 1: and his perception on reality is just so warped and

984
00:51:48,970 --> 00:51:52,890
Speaker 1: abuse is such a funny thing. It never stops. It's ongoing,

985
00:51:53,010 --> 00:51:57,250
Speaker 1: and unfortunately, because we have a connection for life, I

986
00:51:57,290 --> 00:52:00,770
Speaker 1: will probably have to deal with this forever, and it's

987
00:52:00,930 --> 00:52:04,730
Speaker 1: something that I will never heal from, and it's just

988
00:52:04,770 --> 00:52:07,930
Speaker 1: something that I need to learn to move through a

989
00:52:07,970 --> 00:52:10,930
Speaker 1: little bit easier. I don't think that I'll ever be healed.

990
00:52:11,090 --> 00:52:14,970
Speaker 1: And him screaming at me every time we have to communicate,

991
00:52:15,010 --> 00:52:18,250
Speaker 1: I don't think he's ever going to end. So I'm

992
00:52:18,290 --> 00:52:22,330
Speaker 1: just trying to minimize the effect of that on me

993
00:52:22,530 --> 00:52:27,370
Speaker 1: by distancing myself as much as possible. The week of Christmas,

994
00:52:27,650 --> 00:52:31,570
Speaker 1: I was completely burnt out and had an epiphany that

995
00:52:32,290 --> 00:52:36,250
Speaker 1: he needs to be involved for two reasons. I do

996
00:52:36,370 --> 00:52:38,690
Speaker 1: not want my son to resent me for not having

997
00:52:38,730 --> 00:52:42,370
Speaker 1: a relationship with his father, and feel it's important that

998
00:52:42,410 --> 00:52:45,570
Speaker 1: he figures this out for himself within reason as long

999
00:52:45,570 --> 00:52:48,850
Speaker 1: as he's safe. So I did reach out to him,

1000
00:52:48,850 --> 00:52:52,770
Speaker 1: and I asked him to be involved and perhaps worked

1001
00:52:52,810 --> 00:52:57,330
Speaker 1: towards every second weekend, and that was not received well.

1002
00:52:58,050 --> 00:53:01,570
Speaker 1: He was very mad at me for expecting him to

1003
00:53:01,650 --> 00:53:03,690
Speaker 1: now be a parent, and they were the words that

1004
00:53:03,730 --> 00:53:06,090
Speaker 1: came out of his mouth. I've got use to living

1005
00:53:06,130 --> 00:53:08,170
Speaker 1: my life without a child. You can't expect me now

1006
00:53:08,210 --> 00:53:11,570
Speaker 1: to be a parent. And I struggled with that because

1007
00:53:11,770 --> 00:53:14,770
Speaker 1: I'm looking at the child who looks like a dead

1008
00:53:14,810 --> 00:53:18,250
Speaker 1: ringer of him and is the most divine human being

1009
00:53:18,290 --> 00:53:20,770
Speaker 1: in the whole world. Despite all the adversity and the

1010
00:53:20,810 --> 00:53:25,210
Speaker 1: trauma that his witnessed and been through, is still the

1011
00:53:25,250 --> 00:53:28,050
Speaker 1: sweetest boy in the whole entire world. I can't fathom

1012
00:53:28,050 --> 00:53:31,250
Speaker 1: why somebody wouldn't want something to do with him. So

1013
00:53:32,090 --> 00:53:35,130
Speaker 1: essentially we're in limboland again. I don't know if he's

1014
00:53:35,170 --> 00:53:39,290
Speaker 1: going to be involved. We can't have a conversation. Our

1015
00:53:39,410 --> 00:53:43,570
Speaker 1: last conversation was just as toxic as the one when

1016
00:53:43,570 --> 00:53:46,770
Speaker 1: he left with the restraining order. There is no way

1017
00:53:46,850 --> 00:53:48,770
Speaker 1: to get through to him, and there's no way to

1018
00:53:48,850 --> 00:53:51,570
Speaker 1: explain to him what he has done has hurt people

1019
00:53:51,650 --> 00:53:55,330
Speaker 1: because he doesn't understand that, and he's just running from

1020
00:53:55,370 --> 00:53:58,170
Speaker 1: all of his issues. It was a flick of a switch.

1021
00:53:58,210 --> 00:54:01,450
Speaker 1: That's why it's so traumatic. There is no way for

1022
00:54:01,490 --> 00:54:03,410
Speaker 1: me to understand what he has done, and I have

1023
00:54:03,530 --> 00:54:09,170
Speaker 1: done intensive therapy to try and understand why he did

1024
00:54:09,210 --> 00:54:13,570
Speaker 1: what he did, and also therapy on me, trying to

1025
00:54:13,610 --> 00:54:16,810
Speaker 1: train my brain to think this was not your fault.

1026
00:54:17,730 --> 00:54:20,130
Speaker 1: He didn't do these things because of you. He's done

1027
00:54:20,170 --> 00:54:24,490
Speaker 1: these things because he's extremely unhappy within himself. And although

1028
00:54:24,570 --> 00:54:27,210
Speaker 1: I can reason with that now, as soon as we

1029
00:54:27,250 --> 00:54:29,970
Speaker 1: are in contact and he is telling me that I

1030
00:54:30,010 --> 00:54:31,850
Speaker 1: am the most horrible person in the world, and that

1031
00:54:31,890 --> 00:54:34,890
Speaker 1: I'm a terrible mother and that nobody loves me. Immediately,

1032
00:54:34,930 --> 00:54:36,970
Speaker 1: that's what I think, because that's the pool he has

1033
00:54:37,010 --> 00:54:40,730
Speaker 1: on me. So I wish that we could just completely

1034
00:54:40,770 --> 00:54:42,970
Speaker 1: walk away and start again and me never have to

1035
00:54:43,010 --> 00:54:45,450
Speaker 1: talk to him again. But that's not in the best

1036
00:54:45,530 --> 00:54:47,690
Speaker 1: interests of the child, and that's at the forefront of

1037
00:54:47,690 --> 00:54:50,370
Speaker 1: my mind. So I will always continue to try and

1038
00:54:50,450 --> 00:54:54,410
Speaker 1: have some form of relationship with him for the benefit

1039
00:54:54,970 --> 00:55:00,250
Speaker 1: of our son. It's so hard to think that for

1040
00:55:00,290 --> 00:55:04,530
Speaker 1: the next fifteen sixteen years I have to communicate with

1041
00:55:04,570 --> 00:55:08,930
Speaker 1: somebody who inevitably acts like he hates me. And you know,

1042
00:55:09,130 --> 00:55:12,330
Speaker 1: I don't hate him. I will always love him. I

1043
00:55:12,410 --> 00:55:15,850
Speaker 1: just don't love this version of him. I love the

1044
00:55:15,890 --> 00:55:19,050
Speaker 1: man that I met in high school and the man

1045
00:55:19,130 --> 00:55:22,250
Speaker 1: that I said yes to and the man that I

1046
00:55:22,490 --> 00:55:25,290
Speaker 1: married in front of all of our closest people. I

1047
00:55:25,330 --> 00:55:29,090
Speaker 1: love him, and I mourn him every single day. It's

1048
00:55:29,130 --> 00:55:33,050
Speaker 1: like he's died, and that is something that I have

1049
00:55:33,130 --> 00:55:37,210
Speaker 1: to really work hard on. And then the PTSD around

1050
00:55:37,890 --> 00:55:43,010
Speaker 1: his instant change and his behaviors is something else that

1051
00:55:43,050 --> 00:55:45,450
Speaker 1: I have to work on. But I have no choice

1052
00:55:45,810 --> 00:55:48,650
Speaker 1: because I have a child. So whilst there are days

1053
00:55:48,650 --> 00:55:51,890
Speaker 1: where I look at our son and think it would

1054
00:55:51,890 --> 00:55:53,690
Speaker 1: be so much easier if you weren't here, because then

1055
00:55:53,730 --> 00:55:56,490
Speaker 1: I don't have to be here, I do have to

1056
00:55:56,490 --> 00:56:01,370
Speaker 1: be here. There's no other option. They are identical. It's

1057
00:56:01,450 --> 00:56:04,730
Speaker 1: really hard. It's only now because we haven't seen each

1058
00:56:04,770 --> 00:56:07,410
Speaker 1: other in a year. It's only now that I can

1059
00:56:07,490 --> 00:56:11,490
Speaker 1: kind of look at our son and not instantly see

1060
00:56:11,530 --> 00:56:15,530
Speaker 1: my husband. But they are identical in every way. They

1061
00:56:15,570 --> 00:56:18,890
Speaker 1: look identical, and every single person that I see tells

1062
00:56:18,890 --> 00:56:20,730
Speaker 1: me straight away how much he looks like his dad.

1063
00:56:21,450 --> 00:56:24,530
Speaker 1: And then also on top of that, like when he

1064
00:56:24,610 --> 00:56:26,930
Speaker 1: asked to see photos of Mommy and Daddy. I show

1065
00:56:27,010 --> 00:56:29,770
Speaker 1: him because he needs to know that he was born

1066
00:56:29,770 --> 00:56:34,850
Speaker 1: into love and that he looks like someone, and he

1067
00:56:34,930 --> 00:56:37,170
Speaker 1: needs to know who Dad is. It was never in

1068
00:56:37,210 --> 00:56:41,690
Speaker 1: my intention to cause such a rift between the two

1069
00:56:41,690 --> 00:56:44,410
Speaker 1: of us that impacted him, But you know, I just

1070
00:56:44,450 --> 00:56:47,290
Speaker 1: put measures in place for his safety, and I stand

1071
00:56:47,290 --> 00:56:48,970
Speaker 1: by that that was the right thing to do. And

1072
00:56:49,010 --> 00:56:50,970
Speaker 1: it's only now that he's a little bit older that

1073
00:56:51,050 --> 00:56:53,650
Speaker 1: I can kind of let our guard down a little

1074
00:56:53,690 --> 00:56:58,170
Speaker 1: bit and hopefully they can have some form of relationship.

1075
00:56:58,530 --> 00:57:01,610
Speaker 2: But whether that happens or not, Amy has big plans

1076
00:57:01,650 --> 00:57:06,130
Speaker 2: for loving and fulfilling life for herself and for little James.

1077
00:57:06,730 --> 00:57:11,370
Speaker 1: I just want him to grow to be a emotionally

1078
00:57:11,650 --> 00:57:17,450
Speaker 1: diligent man who treats others with kindness and respect. It's

1079
00:57:17,490 --> 00:57:19,690
Speaker 1: all I want. I know that we don't need much.

1080
00:57:19,970 --> 00:57:22,210
Speaker 1: I know that it might just be him and I

1081
00:57:22,290 --> 00:57:25,450
Speaker 1: for a long while, and so long as he is

1082
00:57:25,530 --> 00:57:29,090
Speaker 1: happy and healthy and is a kind human being, then

1083
00:57:29,090 --> 00:57:31,730
Speaker 1: I've done my job as a mum. I would love

1084
00:57:31,850 --> 00:57:34,650
Speaker 1: to meet the right person for me. Am I looking

1085
00:57:34,690 --> 00:57:39,570
Speaker 1: for it. No, if it finds me great, do I

1086
00:57:39,610 --> 00:57:43,490
Speaker 1: deserve it? Yes? Of course, is it a lot for

1087
00:57:43,490 --> 00:57:47,890
Speaker 1: someone to take on trauma child. Yes, will someone do it?

1088
00:57:47,930 --> 00:57:52,170
Speaker 1: Who knows. I'm working full time now, so we're just

1089
00:57:52,290 --> 00:57:56,410
Speaker 1: navigating full time daycare, full time work. Work's been good.

1090
00:57:56,770 --> 00:57:58,650
Speaker 1: It's been good to go back to work. I have

1091
00:57:58,730 --> 00:58:01,970
Speaker 1: a purpose other than being a mum. It's an outlet.

1092
00:58:02,290 --> 00:58:04,850
Speaker 1: I love what I do. You know, it took us

1093
00:58:04,850 --> 00:58:08,210
Speaker 1: a while to adjust to daycare, but now we're both happy.

1094
00:58:09,010 --> 00:58:13,850
Speaker 1: And you know, I am a completely person. I am

1095
00:58:14,090 --> 00:58:19,290
Speaker 1: outspoken in a good way. I am outgoing. I do things.

1096
00:58:19,410 --> 00:58:23,330
Speaker 1: I book the babysitter, I go to girls cocktails. You know,

1097
00:58:23,610 --> 00:58:26,650
Speaker 1: we do things. It's what we needed to do. So

1098
00:58:27,010 --> 00:58:30,290
Speaker 1: that's how you heal. You just keep moving. If I

1099
00:58:30,330 --> 00:58:32,690
Speaker 1: can help one person get out of DV, then I've

1100
00:58:32,690 --> 00:58:37,610
Speaker 1: done my job because I should have left immediately in

1101
00:58:37,610 --> 00:58:41,970
Speaker 1: the first week. And it stems from you know, it's

1102
00:58:42,010 --> 00:58:44,610
Speaker 1: not just oh it's verbal abuse. No, that is abuse.

1103
00:58:44,810 --> 00:58:47,650
Speaker 1: Abuse is abuse, and we don't need to put up

1104
00:58:47,690 --> 00:58:50,370
Speaker 1: with any of that. If someone is treating you poorly,

1105
00:58:51,050 --> 00:58:53,330
Speaker 1: then you need to call them out on that. And

1106
00:58:53,370 --> 00:58:55,250
Speaker 1: if you are unsafe, you need to get out of there.

1107
00:58:56,090 --> 00:59:02,010
Speaker 1: Abuse isn't just physical, and often it starts with the

1108
00:59:02,090 --> 00:59:06,490
Speaker 1: verbal abuse, and that is a spectrum. Doesn't matter where

1109
00:59:06,490 --> 00:59:09,850
Speaker 1: it begins, it will inevitably end up at the same point.

1110
00:59:10,450 --> 00:59:13,970
Speaker 1: And people still art with verbal abuse and think that

1111
00:59:14,010 --> 00:59:16,410
Speaker 1: they can get away with that. No, that is abuse,

1112
00:59:16,490 --> 00:59:18,650
Speaker 1: that is illegal, it's against the law, and there is

1113
00:59:18,730 --> 00:59:20,450
Speaker 1: things that can be put in place to help you.

1114
00:59:21,130 --> 00:59:24,210
Speaker 1: I'm obviously not glad that the domestic violence side of

1115
00:59:24,250 --> 00:59:26,850
Speaker 1: things happen. If he had have told me a year

1116
00:59:26,890 --> 00:59:31,610
Speaker 1: ago that I would be a homeowner, that I would

1117
00:59:31,650 --> 00:59:34,530
Speaker 1: be working full time, that I would have been on

1118
00:59:34,570 --> 00:59:38,810
Speaker 1: a few dates, that I would have been on a

1119
00:59:38,810 --> 00:59:43,330
Speaker 1: holiday with my son, that we would laugh as much

1120
00:59:43,370 --> 00:59:45,810
Speaker 1: as we cry, I would have just told you, there's

1121
00:59:45,850 --> 00:59:48,450
Speaker 1: no way. I think that it's been an important learning

1122
00:59:48,490 --> 00:59:51,490
Speaker 1: curve at taking people for what they actually are, and

1123
00:59:51,570 --> 00:59:54,690
Speaker 1: that always seeing the best in people is not always

1124
00:59:55,050 --> 01:00:00,050
Speaker 1: a good thing. I would not be as strong minded

1125
01:00:00,090 --> 01:00:02,250
Speaker 1: as what I am now. You know if I can

1126
01:00:02,290 --> 01:00:04,490
Speaker 1: tell you how many people have told me it's character building,

1127
01:00:04,570 --> 01:00:06,970
Speaker 1: and I always say the same thing in response, I

1128
01:00:07,010 --> 01:00:10,450
Speaker 1: have enough character. I don't need any more character. But

1129
01:00:10,570 --> 01:00:14,290
Speaker 1: I am glad it's happened because now hopefully I can

1130
01:00:14,330 --> 01:00:14,890
Speaker 1: help people.

1131
01:00:30,010 --> 01:00:33,410
Speaker 2: Everyone has an X is a Mintimedia Production and proudly

1132
01:00:33,490 --> 01:00:36,570
Speaker 2: part of the Muma Mea Network. It's written and narrated

1133
01:00:36,610 --> 01:00:40,010
Speaker 2: by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. If

1134
01:00:40,010 --> 01:00:43,250
Speaker 2: you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,

1135
01:00:43,370 --> 01:00:45,930
Speaker 2: writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can

1136
01:00:45,970 --> 01:00:48,850
Speaker 2: also follow us on Instagram at Everyone Has an X.

1137
01:00:49,130 --> 01:00:50,970
Speaker 2: And if you have a story you'd like to share,

1138
01:00:51,010 --> 01:00:53,250
Speaker 2: you can contact us that Everyone has an EX at

1139
01:00:53,250 --> 01:00:57,290
Speaker 2: mintimedia dot com dot you or Submissions at mamamea dot

1140
01:00:57,330 --> 01:01:00,450
Speaker 2: com dot you with the word submission in the subject field.