WEBVTT - Breaking Free

0:00:12.810 --> 0:00:18.490
<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mum and mea podcast. Muma Mea

0:00:18.530 --> 0:00:21.450
<v Speaker 1>acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This

0:00:21.530 --> 0:00:31.890
<v Speaker 1>podcast is recorded on It's often said we women have

0:00:31.970 --> 0:00:34.930
<v Speaker 1>a sixth sense. Our guts are strong and can play

0:00:34.930 --> 0:00:37.210
<v Speaker 1>a big part in whether we trust someone or not.

0:00:37.730 --> 0:00:41.010
<v Speaker 2>Behavior change says a lot about someone, especially when you're

0:00:41.050 --> 0:00:43.290
<v Speaker 2>in such a good relationship and all of that changes.

0:00:43.330 --> 0:00:46.570
<v Speaker 2>I think that spoke wonders, So yeah, I think a

0:00:46.650 --> 0:00:48.530
<v Speaker 2>part of me did know that something was going on

0:00:48.690 --> 0:00:50.850
<v Speaker 2>and that I wanted to figure out what it was.

0:00:51.490 --> 0:00:54.570
<v Speaker 1>But a gut instinct is an evidence. Can our bodies

0:00:54.570 --> 0:00:57.210
<v Speaker 1>buy tricks on us? We can choose to ignore, to

0:00:57.290 --> 0:00:59.850
<v Speaker 1>live with the icky feelings, or we can choose to

0:00:59.890 --> 0:01:00.970
<v Speaker 1>confront them head on.

0:01:01.370 --> 0:01:04.410
<v Speaker 2>And I said to him, I have found out some

0:01:04.450 --> 0:01:06.970
<v Speaker 2>information about you, and I need you to tell me

0:01:07.010 --> 0:01:09.210
<v Speaker 2>the truth. And if you tell me the truth now,

0:01:09.410 --> 0:01:11.250
<v Speaker 2>we can work through this, and we can work through

0:01:11.250 --> 0:01:13.530
<v Speaker 2>this together. But if you light on my face, I

0:01:13.570 --> 0:01:16.530
<v Speaker 2>will walk away right now. And he just looked at

0:01:16.570 --> 0:01:20.770
<v Speaker 2>me and went completely white and just started hysterically crying

0:01:21.090 --> 0:01:23.530
<v Speaker 2>and saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and just owned it.

0:01:33.370 --> 0:01:35.970
<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

0:01:36.210 --> 0:01:38.370
<v Speaker 1>Come with me as we dive into a collection of

0:01:38.570 --> 0:01:42.850
<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

0:01:42.930 --> 0:01:46.770
<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who live them now. Dear listener,

0:01:46.850 --> 0:01:50.290
<v Speaker 1>We've brought your stories before about young love, but this

0:01:50.330 --> 0:01:52.930
<v Speaker 1>one might just take the cake. Claire and Patrick were

0:01:53.050 --> 0:01:55.770
<v Speaker 1>just sixteen when they met, not even in their final

0:01:55.850 --> 0:01:57.770
<v Speaker 1>years of high school. When they got together.

0:01:58.410 --> 0:02:01.530
<v Speaker 2>We were talking for a few months and sort of

0:02:01.570 --> 0:02:03.650
<v Speaker 2>seeing each other very casually, as you can imagine in

0:02:03.730 --> 0:02:07.250
<v Speaker 2>year ten it's quite casual. And then like three or

0:02:07.250 --> 0:02:10.050
<v Speaker 2>four months in, he just called it quits and he

0:02:10.090 --> 0:02:11.850
<v Speaker 2>was just like, I only see you as a friend.

0:02:12.610 --> 0:02:17.090
<v Speaker 2>I was absolutely heartbroken, Like I was. I thought this

0:02:17.130 --> 0:02:19.130
<v Speaker 2>boy was gonna be my first boyfriend, and I was

0:02:19.170 --> 0:02:21.570
<v Speaker 2>so excited, and then he just kind of was like,

0:02:21.850 --> 0:02:24.490
<v Speaker 2>I just see you as a friend. It honestly took

0:02:24.530 --> 0:02:26.970
<v Speaker 2>me about a year to get over him. Like I

0:02:26.970 --> 0:02:28.730
<v Speaker 2>would see him out at parties and I would do

0:02:28.770 --> 0:02:30.210
<v Speaker 2>anything I could to get his attention.

0:02:30.290 --> 0:02:31.570
<v Speaker 3>I would talk to his friends.

0:02:32.250 --> 0:02:34.610
<v Speaker 2>He just had absolutely no no interest in me anymore.

0:02:34.970 --> 0:02:37.610
<v Speaker 2>And it wasn't until probably like a year after that

0:02:37.810 --> 0:02:41.330
<v Speaker 2>where I'd finally gotten over him, and I knew that

0:02:41.450 --> 0:02:43.450
<v Speaker 2>because I saw him at a party and he said hi,

0:02:43.530 --> 0:02:45.970
<v Speaker 2>and I was so disinterested, and for the first time ever,

0:02:46.010 --> 0:02:48.370
<v Speaker 2>I went, I actually don't care that you're here. It

0:02:48.490 --> 0:02:50.570
<v Speaker 2>was so freeing because I was like, I'm actually over

0:02:50.610 --> 0:02:53.970
<v Speaker 2>this guy after a year. And you know they say

0:02:54.010 --> 0:02:56.090
<v Speaker 2>they come crawling back when they know you've moved on,

0:02:56.330 --> 0:03:00.650
<v Speaker 2>and he came crawling back. He started messaging me again

0:03:00.690 --> 0:03:04.170
<v Speaker 2>and wanting to hang out. I was pretty disinterested, but

0:03:04.450 --> 0:03:07.570
<v Speaker 2>he was persistent, and I was like, Okay, we can

0:03:07.610 --> 0:03:11.050
<v Speaker 2>give this another crack. I realized that I wasn't actually

0:03:11.090 --> 0:03:14.650
<v Speaker 2>over him. I wanted to be, but yeah, there's always

0:03:14.650 --> 0:03:16.130
<v Speaker 2>a little part of me that had that tiny bit

0:03:16.130 --> 0:03:17.930
<v Speaker 2>of hope that we would get back together because I

0:03:17.970 --> 0:03:18.530
<v Speaker 2>really really.

0:03:18.450 --> 0:03:19.490
<v Speaker 3>Did like him.

0:03:19.730 --> 0:03:22.570
<v Speaker 2>It was end of year eleven when we started officially dating,

0:03:22.610 --> 0:03:26.890
<v Speaker 2>became boyfriend and girlfriend, and I had my first ever boyfriend.

0:03:27.450 --> 0:03:30.530
<v Speaker 2>I honestly was infactuated. He was such an amazing person.

0:03:31.490 --> 0:03:34.050
<v Speaker 2>He was just the cool guy. Everyone when they found

0:03:34.050 --> 0:03:35.450
<v Speaker 2>out I was dating him, like it was like, oh

0:03:35.450 --> 0:03:38.690
<v Speaker 2>my god, you're dating Patrick. That's so cool, Like it

0:03:38.730 --> 0:03:41.570
<v Speaker 2>was quite a cool thing. Like he was just known

0:03:41.650 --> 0:03:44.170
<v Speaker 2>to be one of those amazing guys. He had a

0:03:44.210 --> 0:03:48.570
<v Speaker 2>really good reputation, so everyone that spoke to me literally

0:03:48.610 --> 0:03:51.930
<v Speaker 2>had only good words to say about him. He genuinely

0:03:52.050 --> 0:03:55.770
<v Speaker 2>was so caring, so loving. He had put a lot

0:03:55.770 --> 0:03:58.890
<v Speaker 2>of thought into our relationship. So when I finished my exams,

0:03:58.930 --> 0:04:02.570
<v Speaker 2>he'd come over and drop me care packages like bathrobe

0:04:02.650 --> 0:04:05.530
<v Speaker 2>or chocolates and things like that. So he really was,

0:04:05.570 --> 0:04:10.010
<v Speaker 2>on paper, a perfect boyfriend. The first year was honestly amazing,

0:04:10.130 --> 0:04:12.770
<v Speaker 2>Like I think it set the standard for what I

0:04:12.810 --> 0:04:15.210
<v Speaker 2>wanted to be treated like. I would sneak out on

0:04:15.250 --> 0:04:16.970
<v Speaker 2>school nights and he'd pick me up and would sleep

0:04:16.970 --> 0:04:19.050
<v Speaker 2>in the back of his car because we weren't allowed sleepovers.

0:04:19.090 --> 0:04:21.730
<v Speaker 3>In year twelve, he'd plan these romantic dates.

0:04:21.770 --> 0:04:23.970
<v Speaker 2>On Valentine's Day, he would take me down to their

0:04:24.010 --> 0:04:26.890
<v Speaker 2>favorite beach with a picnic rug and everything. Pretty much

0:04:26.890 --> 0:04:30.850
<v Speaker 2>everything you'd want as a seventeen year old from a relationship.

0:04:30.890 --> 0:04:32.650
<v Speaker 3>He was giving like pen to paper.

0:04:32.730 --> 0:04:36.330
<v Speaker 2>He had everything that you'd want for So yeah, it

0:04:36.450 --> 0:04:39.890
<v Speaker 2>was honestly so amazing. It was a feeling of I've

0:04:39.930 --> 0:04:42.290
<v Speaker 2>found my person. I was convinced I was going to

0:04:42.290 --> 0:04:45.930
<v Speaker 2>marry him, like it felt so right, and I had

0:04:45.930 --> 0:04:48.770
<v Speaker 2>a lot of friends that were in relationships that weren't

0:04:48.770 --> 0:04:51.450
<v Speaker 2>being treated the same way as I was. So I

0:04:51.490 --> 0:04:54.330
<v Speaker 2>felt so lucky and so special for being treated like that,

0:04:54.730 --> 0:04:55.930
<v Speaker 2>and very grateful for it.

0:04:56.170 --> 0:04:59.250
<v Speaker 1>But they were young, and young people often make mistakes

0:04:59.370 --> 0:05:01.770
<v Speaker 1>while they're bumbling through what life is meant to look

0:05:01.850 --> 0:05:03.330
<v Speaker 1>like beyond all you've ever known.

0:05:03.450 --> 0:05:05.450
<v Speaker 3>For all those years at school, at.

0:05:05.290 --> 0:05:07.810
<v Speaker 2>The end of year twelve, when we went to schoolies,

0:05:07.850 --> 0:05:11.410
<v Speaker 2>or what we call levers, we actually went to separate leavers,

0:05:11.930 --> 0:05:15.250
<v Speaker 2>which was a shame because obviously you're celebrating finishing high

0:05:15.250 --> 0:05:16.890
<v Speaker 2>school and you want to be doing that with your person.

0:05:16.970 --> 0:05:19.450
<v Speaker 3>But we both knew that wasn't going to happen because our.

0:05:19.370 --> 0:05:24.210
<v Speaker 2>Friends were going different places and it was over that period.

0:05:24.290 --> 0:05:28.490
<v Speaker 2>I honestly had no insecurities or any doubts at that time,

0:05:28.890 --> 0:05:30.290
<v Speaker 2>because I was never given a reason to.

0:05:30.890 --> 0:05:33.650
<v Speaker 3>But it was when I came back from school is

0:05:33.850 --> 0:05:34.690
<v Speaker 3>and saw.

0:05:34.610 --> 0:05:37.250
<v Speaker 2>Him for the first time, I just knew that something

0:05:37.250 --> 0:05:41.570
<v Speaker 2>had happened and everything had changed, his whole mannerisms, even

0:05:41.610 --> 0:05:43.130
<v Speaker 2>just the look in his eyes, like it was like

0:05:43.170 --> 0:05:47.090
<v Speaker 2>I was talking to an entirely different person. So I

0:05:47.170 --> 0:05:50.370
<v Speaker 2>got to his house and he had a black eye,

0:05:50.450 --> 0:05:54.610
<v Speaker 2>which I am a little princess, like I hate fist fights.

0:05:54.770 --> 0:05:57.010
<v Speaker 2>That was always something I said to him because high

0:05:57.050 --> 0:05:59.650
<v Speaker 2>school boys sometimes get drunk and do stupid things, and

0:05:59.650 --> 0:06:02.410
<v Speaker 2>I always laid out the carts, do not get involved

0:06:02.410 --> 0:06:03.010
<v Speaker 2>in fist fights.

0:06:03.050 --> 0:06:06.650
<v Speaker 3>It's disgusting. So he had a black eye and.

0:06:06.570 --> 0:06:09.690
<v Speaker 2>He said to me, I ran into a door, which

0:06:09.810 --> 0:06:13.050
<v Speaker 2>was straight up a very bizarre thing to say. And

0:06:13.090 --> 0:06:16.570
<v Speaker 2>he's just very withdrawn, like, wasn't treating me the same.

0:06:16.970 --> 0:06:21.290
<v Speaker 2>His mannerisms were different, his behaviors were different. And then

0:06:21.490 --> 0:06:24.730
<v Speaker 2>after a lot of investigating and persistence from my end,

0:06:24.770 --> 0:06:27.170
<v Speaker 2>he finally admitted that he wasn't a dool and that

0:06:27.730 --> 0:06:30.330
<v Speaker 2>he got in a punch up with someone in school.

0:06:30.770 --> 0:06:33.210
<v Speaker 2>It was probably like a couple of months where he

0:06:33.370 --> 0:06:37.050
<v Speaker 2>was different. He was really really withdrawn. His behaviors were different.

0:06:37.770 --> 0:06:40.290
<v Speaker 2>He just wasn't putting in the effort as much. And

0:06:40.370 --> 0:06:42.170
<v Speaker 2>to be honest, I didn't think much of it at

0:06:42.170 --> 0:06:44.330
<v Speaker 2>the time. I thought, it's a big life change. We

0:06:44.330 --> 0:06:46.530
<v Speaker 2>were in school, you know, before that, and now we've

0:06:46.570 --> 0:06:49.450
<v Speaker 2>got all this freedom where we're both eighteen, Like, there's

0:06:49.490 --> 0:06:51.610
<v Speaker 2>a lot of change happening in our lives. So I

0:06:51.610 --> 0:06:54.850
<v Speaker 2>think I kind of put those behavior changes to that.

0:06:55.490 --> 0:06:56.170
<v Speaker 3>But it wasn't.

0:06:56.090 --> 0:06:59.530
<v Speaker 2>Until I was out at a like a day event

0:06:59.610 --> 0:07:02.810
<v Speaker 2>with all my girlfriends and I had a friend of

0:07:02.850 --> 0:07:05.130
<v Speaker 2>mine come up to me, like pull me out of

0:07:05.170 --> 0:07:07.730
<v Speaker 2>the moshpit and be like, just want to let you

0:07:07.810 --> 0:07:12.410
<v Speaker 2>know that Patrick is sending notes to my friend. My

0:07:12.610 --> 0:07:16.730
<v Speaker 2>stomach sunk, but I just still did not believe that

0:07:16.930 --> 0:07:19.090
<v Speaker 2>he was capable of that. I knew how much he

0:07:19.130 --> 0:07:21.610
<v Speaker 2>loved me, so I was just like, I just didn't

0:07:21.610 --> 0:07:24.010
<v Speaker 2>believe that he would be capable of doing that. But

0:07:24.050 --> 0:07:28.410
<v Speaker 2>it's also a very very bizarre allegation for someone to make.

0:07:29.330 --> 0:07:31.450
<v Speaker 2>There's no motive for her as have said any of that.

0:07:31.650 --> 0:07:35.490
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, I think a part of me believed it,

0:07:35.570 --> 0:07:37.490
<v Speaker 2>but the majority of me just was in deny and

0:07:37.610 --> 0:07:39.930
<v Speaker 2>was like, he's not capable of that, and there must

0:07:39.930 --> 0:07:42.970
<v Speaker 2>be some other reason or some confusion here. So yeah,

0:07:43.050 --> 0:07:45.650
<v Speaker 2>I just kind of enjoyed my night the best that

0:07:45.690 --> 0:07:49.210
<v Speaker 2>I could with my girlfriends. I stayed for a couple

0:07:49.170 --> 0:07:51.810
<v Speaker 2>of hours, but obviously my mind was busy, so my

0:07:51.890 --> 0:07:54.610
<v Speaker 2>cousin and I went back to her house and I

0:07:54.650 --> 0:07:57.890
<v Speaker 2>gave him a call and asked him about what I

0:07:57.890 --> 0:08:01.570
<v Speaker 2>had heard about the snapchats with this girl, and immediately

0:08:01.690 --> 0:08:06.170
<v Speaker 2>he was angry, so angry that I would even believe

0:08:06.450 --> 0:08:08.850
<v Speaker 2>someone over him, and that I would even think that

0:08:08.890 --> 0:08:12.330
<v Speaker 2>he was capable of something like that. So my reaction

0:08:12.570 --> 0:08:15.250
<v Speaker 2>for believing and being upset over what I had heard

0:08:15.570 --> 0:08:18.450
<v Speaker 2>was the problem, not the fact that I had heard

0:08:18.450 --> 0:08:20.770
<v Speaker 2>that or that he had done that. So yeah, it

0:08:20.890 --> 0:08:24.690
<v Speaker 2>was a big, big blowout where he was so angry

0:08:24.690 --> 0:08:27.370
<v Speaker 2>and upset with me for pretty much accusing him, and

0:08:27.450 --> 0:08:29.690
<v Speaker 2>I pretty much spent the next like two three days

0:08:29.850 --> 0:08:31.130
<v Speaker 2>apologizing and making up.

0:08:31.130 --> 0:08:32.970
<v Speaker 3>To him in every way that I could.

0:08:33.050 --> 0:08:35.010
<v Speaker 2>You know, he put up the silent treatment on me

0:08:35.050 --> 0:08:37.810
<v Speaker 2>for a couple of days, and I hate the silent

0:08:37.850 --> 0:08:41.610
<v Speaker 2>treatment so much it literally drives me insane. But yeah,

0:08:41.850 --> 0:08:44.410
<v Speaker 2>I ended up apologizing and making it up to him,

0:08:44.410 --> 0:08:47.610
<v Speaker 2>and from there on he was like, Okay, he wasn't

0:08:47.650 --> 0:08:51.130
<v Speaker 2>happy that I believe someone that I hardly knew over him,

0:08:51.730 --> 0:08:54.850
<v Speaker 2>which at the time made sense to me because my

0:08:54.970 --> 0:08:58.170
<v Speaker 2>loyalties and my trust sat with him, so I shouldn't

0:08:58.250 --> 0:09:01.650
<v Speaker 2>have believed a stranger over my boyfriend who had proven

0:09:02.130 --> 0:09:03.770
<v Speaker 2>nothing to me that he would ever do that. He'd

0:09:03.770 --> 0:09:06.570
<v Speaker 2>never broken my trust before, so to doubt him based

0:09:06.610 --> 0:09:09.330
<v Speaker 2>off what I had heard from pretty much a stranger,

0:09:09.770 --> 0:09:12.010
<v Speaker 2>did seem wrong. Once he kind of presented that point

0:09:12.050 --> 0:09:15.730
<v Speaker 2>to me, he started acting a little bit back to normal.

0:09:15.850 --> 0:09:19.170
<v Speaker 2>But that pit in my stomach never left. Once that

0:09:19.290 --> 0:09:22.330
<v Speaker 2>seed has been planted in your head, you always are

0:09:22.330 --> 0:09:24.850
<v Speaker 2>going to have a tiny seed of doubt. And although

0:09:24.890 --> 0:09:27.650
<v Speaker 2>I didn't believe that he had done it, there was

0:09:27.690 --> 0:09:32.970
<v Speaker 2>always that inkling but what if? So has any investigated

0:09:32.970 --> 0:09:35.650
<v Speaker 2>girlfriend would do. He was in the shower one day

0:09:35.690 --> 0:09:37.530
<v Speaker 2>and I just thought, the only way I'm going to

0:09:37.610 --> 0:09:40.490
<v Speaker 2>crush this is by going into his phone and just

0:09:40.570 --> 0:09:42.890
<v Speaker 2>checking his snapchat best friends to see if that girl's

0:09:42.970 --> 0:09:45.530
<v Speaker 2>name was there. I fought it for a long time

0:09:45.570 --> 0:09:47.210
<v Speaker 2>because maybe I didn't.

0:09:47.010 --> 0:09:48.650
<v Speaker 3>Want to see what was in there.

0:09:49.090 --> 0:09:50.610
<v Speaker 2>Every time I was with him and the phone was

0:09:50.650 --> 0:09:52.690
<v Speaker 2>left in the room, I thought about it, but I

0:09:52.730 --> 0:09:54.890
<v Speaker 2>think there's that element of breaking their trust. It's a

0:09:54.970 --> 0:09:57.370
<v Speaker 2>very big invasion of privacy going on someone's phone. So

0:09:57.850 --> 0:09:59.690
<v Speaker 2>I think I fought it for as long as I could.

0:10:00.170 --> 0:10:03.250
<v Speaker 2>But after a couple of months of just continually always

0:10:03.290 --> 0:10:04.930
<v Speaker 2>thinking that what if and just wanting to know the

0:10:05.010 --> 0:10:07.890
<v Speaker 2>answers and the truth, I just bit the bullet and

0:10:08.210 --> 0:10:09.210
<v Speaker 2>had to look for myself.

0:10:09.610 --> 0:10:10.970
<v Speaker 3>So he was in the shower.

0:10:10.810 --> 0:10:15.050
<v Speaker 2>And I on his phone, and to my surprise, all

0:10:15.090 --> 0:10:19.370
<v Speaker 2>six of his snapchat best friends were females. He went

0:10:19.370 --> 0:10:21.610
<v Speaker 2>to a co ed school. Having a lot of female

0:10:21.610 --> 0:10:23.450
<v Speaker 2>friends is not a red flag to me. I honestly

0:10:23.490 --> 0:10:25.290
<v Speaker 2>find that I really liked that about him because I

0:10:25.330 --> 0:10:27.890
<v Speaker 2>knew a lot of his girlfriends, but there were none

0:10:27.930 --> 0:10:30.650
<v Speaker 2>of his girlfriends on this six best friends, so there

0:10:30.690 --> 0:10:32.890
<v Speaker 2>was not one name that I recognized, so they were

0:10:32.930 --> 0:10:36.970
<v Speaker 2>all complete strangers' names, and one of the girls was

0:10:37.050 --> 0:10:40.930
<v Speaker 2>the one from the accusation. My heart was literally beating

0:10:40.930 --> 0:10:44.050
<v Speaker 2>out my chest, like you know that sinking feeling where

0:10:44.090 --> 0:10:46.530
<v Speaker 2>you literally feel like you're gonna be sick. And he

0:10:46.570 --> 0:10:49.490
<v Speaker 2>came back in and I was completely withdrawn. My face

0:10:49.570 --> 0:10:52.130
<v Speaker 2>was bright red, I was sweating, So he knew that

0:10:52.170 --> 0:10:54.370
<v Speaker 2>something was up. Even if I didn't want to bring

0:10:54.490 --> 0:10:56.170
<v Speaker 2>up with him, he would have been able to get

0:10:56.170 --> 0:10:57.570
<v Speaker 2>it out of me because of the way that I

0:10:57.650 --> 0:11:00.370
<v Speaker 2>was acting. So I just told him, I said, I

0:11:00.410 --> 0:11:03.370
<v Speaker 2>went on your snapchat and I've seen all of these girls,

0:11:03.450 --> 0:11:07.170
<v Speaker 2>including the girl that you know I was told about

0:11:07.210 --> 0:11:12.890
<v Speaker 2>this party, and straightway it was fine. He was so

0:11:13.010 --> 0:11:15.890
<v Speaker 2>angry at me for going through his phone. He was

0:11:16.130 --> 0:11:19.650
<v Speaker 2>so angry at me for being so insecure, for doubting

0:11:19.690 --> 0:11:23.450
<v Speaker 2>him for having girlfriends. I was the problem because I

0:11:23.530 --> 0:11:24.170
<v Speaker 2>was controlling.

0:11:24.330 --> 0:11:25.170
<v Speaker 3>He pretty much.

0:11:25.090 --> 0:11:28.010
<v Speaker 2>Flipped it on me to say I wasn't allowing him

0:11:28.010 --> 0:11:29.970
<v Speaker 2>to have girls that were friends, so that I was

0:11:30.010 --> 0:11:32.770
<v Speaker 2>the problem in this situation, and that I've got no

0:11:32.810 --> 0:11:35.410
<v Speaker 2>evidence to say that these messages with these girls aren't

0:11:35.450 --> 0:11:37.570
<v Speaker 2>friendly because I know that he has a lot of girlfriends.

0:11:38.290 --> 0:11:43.770
<v Speaker 2>He completely flipped the script. I started doubting myself, being like, wait,

0:11:44.050 --> 0:11:45.930
<v Speaker 2>but what if he is telling the truth. I know

0:11:46.010 --> 0:11:47.610
<v Speaker 2>that he does have a lot of girls that are friends.

0:11:48.010 --> 0:11:50.290
<v Speaker 2>What if I actually am just being really insecure now?

0:11:50.650 --> 0:11:53.010
<v Speaker 2>And it just makes you doubt yourself because you're like,

0:11:53.170 --> 0:11:55.970
<v Speaker 2>I actually don't have any physical proof here, so I

0:11:56.010 --> 0:11:58.850
<v Speaker 2>can't know for sure just because I'm seeing these girls' names,

0:11:59.010 --> 0:12:01.970
<v Speaker 2>they could just be friends, like he's saying. So again,

0:12:02.090 --> 0:12:04.490
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have that concrete evidence that I think I

0:12:04.570 --> 0:12:09.010
<v Speaker 2>was after, and he was just so good with making

0:12:09.050 --> 0:12:11.370
<v Speaker 2>it like I was the one that had the problem.

0:12:11.490 --> 0:12:13.610
<v Speaker 2>I was the one that was insecure. And I left

0:12:13.610 --> 0:12:17.410
<v Speaker 2>that conversation again apologizing I was sorry for going through

0:12:17.410 --> 0:12:20.570
<v Speaker 2>his phone. I was sorry for doubting him and convincing

0:12:20.650 --> 0:12:22.290
<v Speaker 2>him that I'm not controlling and that I'm happy with

0:12:22.410 --> 0:12:24.770
<v Speaker 2>him having girlfriends and I love that he has girlfriends.

0:12:25.370 --> 0:12:26.570
<v Speaker 3>I felt guilty, I did.

0:12:26.770 --> 0:12:29.250
<v Speaker 2>I think it is such an invasion of privacy to

0:12:29.290 --> 0:12:31.850
<v Speaker 2>go through someone's phone, and that was against my own

0:12:31.890 --> 0:12:34.410
<v Speaker 2>sort of morals to do that. So, you know, to

0:12:34.450 --> 0:12:36.810
<v Speaker 2>have him angry at me for doing that, that made

0:12:36.850 --> 0:12:39.090
<v Speaker 2>me feel very very guilty. It did also make me

0:12:39.130 --> 0:12:41.690
<v Speaker 2>feel guilty that I did question him again.

0:12:42.170 --> 0:12:42.850
<v Speaker 3>That period.

0:12:43.570 --> 0:12:46.570
<v Speaker 2>It was pretty rocky. I was very very insecure. I'm

0:12:46.650 --> 0:12:50.530
<v Speaker 2>very doubtful. I ended up messaging one of the girls

0:12:50.570 --> 0:12:52.890
<v Speaker 2>that I saw on the snapchat names. The amount of

0:12:52.970 --> 0:12:57.290
<v Speaker 2>hay girl messages I send, like, honestly, I couldn't count

0:12:57.330 --> 0:13:00.170
<v Speaker 2>on ten hands, Like I sent so many shameful messages

0:13:00.210 --> 0:13:03.010
<v Speaker 2>of hey girl, like I know you've been snapchatting so

0:13:03.090 --> 0:13:06.250
<v Speaker 2>and so, just wondering is it flirty? So I did

0:13:06.370 --> 0:13:08.250
<v Speaker 2>the hay girl message to one of these girls and

0:13:08.290 --> 0:13:10.610
<v Speaker 2>she was like, yeah, like it's a bit flirty, but

0:13:10.930 --> 0:13:11.650
<v Speaker 2>no nudes or anything.

0:13:11.730 --> 0:13:12.570
<v Speaker 3>It's been exchanged.

0:13:13.290 --> 0:13:18.770
<v Speaker 2>So that to me was my reassurance that Okay, maybe

0:13:18.770 --> 0:13:20.490
<v Speaker 2>he is just being friendly with these girls, because this

0:13:20.530 --> 0:13:21.970
<v Speaker 2>is one of the girls I picked up the list

0:13:22.610 --> 0:13:26.010
<v Speaker 2>and she had told me that there was no nude sending.

0:13:26.010 --> 0:13:27.890
<v Speaker 2>It was just flirty. And you know, he's a friendly,

0:13:28.050 --> 0:13:31.970
<v Speaker 2>charismatic guy. His friendliness can be perceived as flirty, or

0:13:32.010 --> 0:13:33.730
<v Speaker 2>at least you know, that's sort of how I put

0:13:33.770 --> 0:13:37.730
<v Speaker 2>it in my own head. He just continually, I guess,

0:13:37.730 --> 0:13:40.610
<v Speaker 2>reassured me in a sense, like I had his phone

0:13:40.650 --> 0:13:43.810
<v Speaker 2>pass code, and he always left his phone in the room,

0:13:43.890 --> 0:13:47.530
<v Speaker 2>which is such a green flag, which is bizarre considering

0:13:47.810 --> 0:13:50.730
<v Speaker 2>you know, he was snapchatting these girls, so you know,

0:13:50.850 --> 0:13:53.330
<v Speaker 2>leaving the phone in the room, giving me his pass codes.

0:13:54.490 --> 0:13:57.330
<v Speaker 1>So they moved on. Claire believed him and trusted him,

0:13:57.490 --> 0:14:00.050
<v Speaker 1>so there was no point harping on it. Their relationship

0:14:00.050 --> 0:14:02.690
<v Speaker 1>could go back to being the wonderful, happy and fun

0:14:02.730 --> 0:14:04.130
<v Speaker 1>one it had always.

0:14:03.850 --> 0:14:07.650
<v Speaker 2>Been before I was going to UNI, and he was

0:14:07.730 --> 0:14:10.490
<v Speaker 2>sort of doing nothing, to be honest, and I think

0:14:10.850 --> 0:14:13.810
<v Speaker 2>that was another big shift in his behavior because at

0:14:13.850 --> 0:14:16.370
<v Speaker 2>school he was so driven, he was so motivated, He

0:14:16.410 --> 0:14:18.810
<v Speaker 2>had all these aspirations about what he wanted to do

0:14:18.970 --> 0:14:21.890
<v Speaker 2>in life, and then all of a sudden, you know,

0:14:21.970 --> 0:14:25.410
<v Speaker 2>he's finished school, He also got into smoking a lot

0:14:25.410 --> 0:14:27.610
<v Speaker 2>of weed once finishing school, because I think he had

0:14:27.650 --> 0:14:29.970
<v Speaker 2>a lot of spare time. And when I say smoking

0:14:29.970 --> 0:14:31.850
<v Speaker 2>a lot of weed, it was every day. It was

0:14:31.890 --> 0:14:34.690
<v Speaker 2>smoking to wake up, smoking to go to sleep, and

0:14:34.730 --> 0:14:38.410
<v Speaker 2>he just lost all drive and all motivations. So he

0:14:38.490 --> 0:14:41.130
<v Speaker 2>was you know, I was a very driven person, so

0:14:41.170 --> 0:14:42.850
<v Speaker 2>I was always like, let's go to UNI, like let's

0:14:42.850 --> 0:14:44.810
<v Speaker 2>figure this out what you want to do. And you know,

0:14:44.850 --> 0:14:47.410
<v Speaker 2>we enrolled him into a class, into a course, and

0:14:47.770 --> 0:14:50.090
<v Speaker 2>he started that but then ended up dropping out. So

0:14:50.530 --> 0:14:54.090
<v Speaker 2>we were at this stage at very different lifestyles. There

0:14:54.130 --> 0:14:59.450
<v Speaker 2>was obviously a lot of issues from then, Like he

0:14:59.570 --> 0:15:03.930
<v Speaker 2>started to get very jealous and very insecure about me,

0:15:04.210 --> 0:15:08.450
<v Speaker 2>so he started making all these wild accusations about me cheating,

0:15:09.010 --> 0:15:12.290
<v Speaker 2>which is was just bizarre because I I pride myself

0:15:12.290 --> 0:15:14.690
<v Speaker 2>of being loyal and I've never done anything to make

0:15:14.770 --> 0:15:17.410
<v Speaker 2>him think that, and my behaviors had never changed. But

0:15:17.490 --> 0:15:19.890
<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden, he was getting upset with me

0:15:19.930 --> 0:15:23.010
<v Speaker 2>for talking to this person out or smiling at this

0:15:23.050 --> 0:15:26.250
<v Speaker 2>person or laughing at someone. Like I've never seen someone

0:15:26.330 --> 0:15:28.250
<v Speaker 2>so jealous and protective of.

0:15:28.170 --> 0:15:28.930
<v Speaker 3>Me with other men.

0:15:29.810 --> 0:15:37.170
<v Speaker 2>He accused me and my best friend's partner who is

0:15:37.210 --> 0:15:40.010
<v Speaker 2>one of my best friends still to this day. So

0:15:40.050 --> 0:15:42.210
<v Speaker 2>we were kind of like a double dates all the time.

0:15:42.490 --> 0:15:45.130
<v Speaker 2>We started dating around the same time. We did everything together.

0:15:45.610 --> 0:15:48.290
<v Speaker 2>On Valentine's Day, they took us four you know, couples

0:15:48.370 --> 0:15:51.690
<v Speaker 2>retreat sort of thing. We did everything together. He used

0:15:51.690 --> 0:15:55.290
<v Speaker 2>to say to me, the way you look at this person,

0:15:55.610 --> 0:15:57.490
<v Speaker 2>you've got a sparkle in your eye. You don't look

0:15:57.530 --> 0:15:59.450
<v Speaker 2>at you don't look at me the same way you

0:15:59.490 --> 0:16:01.930
<v Speaker 2>look at him. And I was like, I don't get

0:16:01.970 --> 0:16:04.210
<v Speaker 2>what you're talking about. This is my best friend's boyfriend

0:16:04.290 --> 0:16:06.370
<v Speaker 2>of three years, Like where is this coming from? And

0:16:06.410 --> 0:16:08.490
<v Speaker 2>he was like, you have a sparkle in your eye

0:16:08.690 --> 0:16:10.610
<v Speaker 2>when you look at him. And that's when we were

0:16:10.690 --> 0:16:14.570
<v Speaker 2>just like, he's lost the plot. How can you think

0:16:14.650 --> 0:16:17.570
<v Speaker 2>that when it's my best friend's partner and also your

0:16:17.610 --> 0:16:19.610
<v Speaker 2>best friend at the same time. So that's when the

0:16:20.450 --> 0:16:22.810
<v Speaker 2>cheating allegations are towards me. I was like, Okay, this

0:16:22.850 --> 0:16:25.690
<v Speaker 2>is kind of getting out of control. We were both

0:16:25.690 --> 0:16:28.250
<v Speaker 2>still living at home. We're probably staying together like three

0:16:28.370 --> 0:16:32.010
<v Speaker 2>four nights a week. I always wanted more because I

0:16:32.050 --> 0:16:34.130
<v Speaker 2>think in my head, deep down, I knew if he

0:16:34.210 --> 0:16:37.210
<v Speaker 2>was with me, he wouldn't be messaging other girls because

0:16:37.250 --> 0:16:40.810
<v Speaker 2>I actually caught him another time separate to the Snubtat time,

0:16:41.290 --> 0:16:44.050
<v Speaker 2>I was on his laptop while he was doing something

0:16:44.090 --> 0:16:46.450
<v Speaker 2>and I went on his Facebook messenger and I saw

0:16:47.170 --> 0:16:49.570
<v Speaker 2>lots of messages with these random girls which were just

0:16:50.370 --> 0:16:52.970
<v Speaker 2>trying to get them to come over or to see him.

0:16:53.410 --> 0:16:57.170
<v Speaker 2>I confronted him about these as well, and he just

0:16:57.250 --> 0:17:02.490
<v Speaker 2>started hysterically crying. Was just like he didn't mean it.

0:17:02.490 --> 0:17:05.730
<v Speaker 2>It was when he smoked weed. He couldn't help the

0:17:05.810 --> 0:17:08.890
<v Speaker 2>desire to want to message women, but he never would

0:17:08.970 --> 0:17:11.690
<v Speaker 2>action it sort of thing. So he was like, I

0:17:11.770 --> 0:17:14.050
<v Speaker 2>really like, I'm never going to cheat on you. I

0:17:14.090 --> 0:17:18.050
<v Speaker 2>just when I'm high, I can't help but message these women.

0:17:18.730 --> 0:17:20.890
<v Speaker 2>I caught him like a couple of times with that,

0:17:21.450 --> 0:17:23.730
<v Speaker 2>and it got to the point where he always had

0:17:23.730 --> 0:17:26.890
<v Speaker 2>an excuse and he never had physically cheated, so I

0:17:26.890 --> 0:17:28.490
<v Speaker 2>guess in my head, I was like, we can still

0:17:28.530 --> 0:17:31.850
<v Speaker 2>fix this. So at this point, he wanted to give

0:17:31.890 --> 0:17:35.330
<v Speaker 2>me his passwords to everything, so to Facebook, Messager, to Snapchat,

0:17:35.370 --> 0:17:38.370
<v Speaker 2>to Instagram. He wanted me to be have his passwords

0:17:38.410 --> 0:17:40.970
<v Speaker 2>and stay logged in so that he wouldn't have the

0:17:41.050 --> 0:17:43.610
<v Speaker 2>desire or he would have that holding him back from

0:17:43.690 --> 0:17:45.450
<v Speaker 2>messaging girls because he knew that I'd be able to

0:17:45.490 --> 0:17:48.570
<v Speaker 2>see them. So he was very self aware about his

0:17:49.330 --> 0:17:53.290
<v Speaker 2>addiction to get this validation from these girls. I was like,

0:17:53.370 --> 0:17:55.970
<v Speaker 2>he obviously wants to change, like if he's giving me

0:17:56.050 --> 0:17:58.330
<v Speaker 2>these passwords, like, this is an issue that he wants

0:17:58.410 --> 0:18:01.210
<v Speaker 2>to fix with me. So and the messages never led

0:18:01.210 --> 0:18:03.210
<v Speaker 2>to cheating because I could always see them. It was

0:18:03.210 --> 0:18:06.290
<v Speaker 2>always come over. Either the girl would bar him or

0:18:06.490 --> 0:18:08.130
<v Speaker 2>he would not end up not replying. So it was

0:18:08.170 --> 0:18:10.610
<v Speaker 2>this weird thing where it's almost like he wanted to

0:18:10.610 --> 0:18:13.290
<v Speaker 2>desire to feel wanted, or he needed validation to know

0:18:13.370 --> 0:18:16.570
<v Speaker 2>that if he were single, these girls would have an

0:18:16.570 --> 0:18:20.370
<v Speaker 2>interest in him. I really loved him, and I wanted

0:18:20.410 --> 0:18:21.970
<v Speaker 2>to be with him, and I wanted to fix it.

0:18:22.490 --> 0:18:24.490
<v Speaker 2>I think a big part of that is because I

0:18:24.490 --> 0:18:27.050
<v Speaker 2>saw his potential in that first year. I saw how

0:18:27.090 --> 0:18:29.450
<v Speaker 2>good he could be and how well he could treat me.

0:18:29.530 --> 0:18:31.850
<v Speaker 2>So I was holding onto that in the hope that

0:18:31.850 --> 0:18:33.370
<v Speaker 2>we could get back there because I knew that that's

0:18:33.410 --> 0:18:35.970
<v Speaker 2>what he was capable of. I wanted to fix him.

0:18:36.050 --> 0:18:38.690
<v Speaker 2>He didn't really have siblings. He had bad relationship with

0:18:38.770 --> 0:18:41.930
<v Speaker 2>his parents. So I really was that person for him,

0:18:41.930 --> 0:18:44.490
<v Speaker 2>and I felt like I could help him get back

0:18:44.530 --> 0:18:47.050
<v Speaker 2>on track. I could get him, you know, stop smoking

0:18:47.290 --> 0:18:49.690
<v Speaker 2>off the drugs, you know, get back into UNI. I

0:18:49.690 --> 0:18:51.850
<v Speaker 2>really felt like I could be that person for him.

0:18:52.210 --> 0:18:54.570
<v Speaker 2>I loved him and I loved his potential. I knew

0:18:54.610 --> 0:18:56.810
<v Speaker 2>what he could be, so I really really held onto that.

0:18:57.530 --> 0:19:00.330
<v Speaker 2>I think it's probably so hard for people to empathize

0:19:00.330 --> 0:19:03.010
<v Speaker 2>with someone who hasn't been in a situation like that,

0:19:03.130 --> 0:19:05.890
<v Speaker 2>because you can't quite get a grasp and like, why

0:19:05.930 --> 0:19:08.410
<v Speaker 2>you wouldn't walk away because it seems so easy just

0:19:08.410 --> 0:19:12.450
<v Speaker 2>walk away. But it's just like when someone has this

0:19:12.450 --> 0:19:14.610
<v Speaker 2>this grasp on you and you know they've built this

0:19:14.690 --> 0:19:17.850
<v Speaker 2>sort of toxic bond with you. They're so reliant on you,

0:19:17.930 --> 0:19:20.290
<v Speaker 2>and I became reliant on him and wanting to help him.

0:19:20.650 --> 0:19:23.410
<v Speaker 1>It was rocky, but Claire was adamant they'd be okay,

0:19:23.810 --> 0:19:27.610
<v Speaker 1>and things were until one night, something weird happened out

0:19:27.610 --> 0:19:31.290
<v Speaker 1>of nowhere. Claire just had this horrible, sinking feeling while

0:19:31.330 --> 0:19:32.530
<v Speaker 1>lying in bed next to him.

0:19:32.810 --> 0:19:36.290
<v Speaker 2>We had spent Sunday night together. Honestly, nothing in his

0:19:36.410 --> 0:19:41.050
<v Speaker 2>behaviors would have indicated that something had happened. But yeah,

0:19:41.050 --> 0:19:43.050
<v Speaker 2>we went to bed that night and.

0:19:43.130 --> 0:19:45.530
<v Speaker 3>I just woke up. I struggled to get to sleep

0:19:45.610 --> 0:19:46.370
<v Speaker 3>for quite some time.

0:19:46.410 --> 0:19:49.930
<v Speaker 2>I just just gut feeling and then I woke up

0:19:49.970 --> 0:19:51.570
<v Speaker 2>in the middle of the night just with this sick

0:19:51.690 --> 0:19:55.410
<v Speaker 2>feeling and being like something is wrong, something has happened.

0:19:55.930 --> 0:19:58.330
<v Speaker 2>And they say that gut feelings are Guardian angels, and

0:19:58.410 --> 0:20:01.530
<v Speaker 2>they literally are. I woke him up in the middle

0:20:01.530 --> 0:20:05.250
<v Speaker 2>of the night was like, you've cheated on me. He

0:20:05.330 --> 0:20:08.010
<v Speaker 2>was just like straight out the whip, like deny, deny, deny,

0:20:08.090 --> 0:20:10.450
<v Speaker 2>and you're crazy, Like why do you think that? And

0:20:10.490 --> 0:20:13.730
<v Speaker 2>I was just like I just know. Unfortunately, a gut

0:20:13.770 --> 0:20:16.930
<v Speaker 2>feeling isn't evidence. Again, I had that lack of evidence

0:20:17.090 --> 0:20:17.810
<v Speaker 2>to really.

0:20:17.570 --> 0:20:19.930
<v Speaker 3>Put in front of him. So it ended up in.

0:20:19.850 --> 0:20:21.810
<v Speaker 2>A big blow up again, and then we ended up

0:20:21.850 --> 0:20:23.850
<v Speaker 2>going to sleep on separate sides of the bed. I

0:20:23.970 --> 0:20:27.730
<v Speaker 2>was in bed crying, and then I had my genius

0:20:27.770 --> 0:20:30.250
<v Speaker 2>idea where I was going to pull out the reverse

0:20:30.290 --> 0:20:33.890
<v Speaker 2>psychology on him. He was dropping me home the next

0:20:33.970 --> 0:20:37.810
<v Speaker 2>day and I said to him, I have found out

0:20:37.810 --> 0:20:40.410
<v Speaker 2>some information about you, and I need you to tell

0:20:40.410 --> 0:20:42.330
<v Speaker 2>me the truth. And if you tell me the truth.

0:20:42.410 --> 0:20:44.570
<v Speaker 2>Now we can work through this, and we can work

0:20:44.610 --> 0:20:46.810
<v Speaker 2>through this together. But if you light on my face,

0:20:47.010 --> 0:20:49.930
<v Speaker 2>I will walk away right now. And he just looked

0:20:49.930 --> 0:20:53.890
<v Speaker 2>at me and went completely white and just started hysterically

0:20:53.930 --> 0:20:57.890
<v Speaker 2>crying and saying I'm sorry. I had him in my arms.

0:20:58.250 --> 0:20:59.770
<v Speaker 2>I was like patting him on the back and like

0:20:59.810 --> 0:21:03.770
<v Speaker 2>it's okay, it's okay. He was so hysterical about the

0:21:03.810 --> 0:21:07.050
<v Speaker 2>fact that I'd found out, like I need you to

0:21:07.050 --> 0:21:08.770
<v Speaker 2>tell me exactly what happened. So yeah, this point, he

0:21:08.810 --> 0:21:10.690
<v Speaker 2>didn't know what I knew, which was nothing.

0:21:11.650 --> 0:21:11.970
<v Speaker 3>Obviously.

0:21:12.330 --> 0:21:14.050
<v Speaker 2>He was like, I'll just tell her the truth because

0:21:14.090 --> 0:21:16.530
<v Speaker 2>he thought that I had all the information. It was

0:21:16.570 --> 0:21:21.050
<v Speaker 2>a couple weekends prior. His best friend's older sister dropped

0:21:21.090 --> 0:21:23.930
<v Speaker 2>him home after a party. Apparently he was very drunk,

0:21:24.090 --> 0:21:26.810
<v Speaker 2>and she took him inside and then they had sex.

0:21:27.650 --> 0:21:30.410
<v Speaker 2>I honestly would have thought I would have been so devastated,

0:21:30.930 --> 0:21:34.130
<v Speaker 2>but I've never felt so much relief to know that

0:21:34.170 --> 0:21:37.530
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't crazy. It was like a year and a half,

0:21:37.530 --> 0:21:40.410
<v Speaker 2>two years of being like, oh my god, I'm not

0:21:40.450 --> 0:21:44.730
<v Speaker 2>going crazy. I finally had concrete proof and evidence that

0:21:44.770 --> 0:21:47.810
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't insane because all of these times I was

0:21:47.850 --> 0:21:52.050
<v Speaker 2>hearing things and I was having half evidence, but I

0:21:52.170 --> 0:21:54.530
<v Speaker 2>never had him own it. I'd never had him admit

0:21:54.570 --> 0:21:57.250
<v Speaker 2>to it. So to finally hear him say I cheated

0:21:57.290 --> 0:22:02.290
<v Speaker 2>on you was like the best relief in the world,

0:22:02.410 --> 0:22:04.530
<v Speaker 2>Like to just know that I wasn't crazy.

0:22:05.170 --> 0:22:08.690
<v Speaker 1>It was then Claire's instincts kicked in. See what we

0:22:08.810 --> 0:22:11.650
<v Speaker 1>haven't mentioned yet is that every time Patrick was confronted

0:22:11.930 --> 0:22:15.570
<v Speaker 1>about close concerns of his infidelity, his go to reaction

0:22:15.970 --> 0:22:16.530
<v Speaker 1>was anger.

0:22:16.970 --> 0:22:18.930
<v Speaker 3>He was a very angry, angry person.

0:22:18.970 --> 0:22:21.730
<v Speaker 2>A lot of these big arguments ended up with him

0:22:21.850 --> 0:22:25.970
<v Speaker 2>punching a wall, which I remember in his mom's house.

0:22:26.450 --> 0:22:28.650
<v Speaker 2>I think he had had about six holes in the

0:22:28.690 --> 0:22:31.570
<v Speaker 2>back of his wall from conversations that we were having.

0:22:31.610 --> 0:22:33.810
<v Speaker 2>It's just the way he dealt with it, was just

0:22:33.890 --> 0:22:37.130
<v Speaker 2>angry and would punch a fist through the wall. Because

0:22:37.170 --> 0:22:41.850
<v Speaker 2>I knew how he reacted to things, I always wanted

0:22:41.850 --> 0:22:45.810
<v Speaker 2>to comfort him. So honestly, he was in my arms crying,

0:22:45.850 --> 0:22:47.770
<v Speaker 2>and I was sitting there hugging him and patting him

0:22:47.770 --> 0:22:50.850
<v Speaker 2>on the back, saying it's okay, and he's just screaming,

0:22:50.930 --> 0:22:54.090
<v Speaker 2>hysterically crying, saying I can't lose you, like, you know,

0:22:54.170 --> 0:22:56.050
<v Speaker 2>if I lose you, I've got no one else. You

0:22:56.090 --> 0:22:59.530
<v Speaker 2>can't walk away from me. You're my only person, Like, please,

0:22:59.850 --> 0:23:03.490
<v Speaker 2>please don't leave me. So it's a lot for someone

0:23:03.530 --> 0:23:06.890
<v Speaker 2>to take him. Firstly, to have someone you love regardless

0:23:06.930 --> 0:23:09.610
<v Speaker 2>of what he'd just done, Like he was desperately crying

0:23:09.650 --> 0:23:12.850
<v Speaker 2>for help for me, and I was his lifeline, Like

0:23:12.890 --> 0:23:15.010
<v Speaker 2>he didn't really have anyone else. So to have him

0:23:15.450 --> 0:23:18.890
<v Speaker 2>crying and begging for my help regardless of the betrayal

0:23:18.930 --> 0:23:22.250
<v Speaker 2>he'd just done, A part of me was sad for him.

0:23:22.090 --> 0:23:23.210
<v Speaker 3>And I wanted to help him.

0:23:23.250 --> 0:23:24.930
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want to I didn't want to leave him

0:23:25.450 --> 0:23:28.010
<v Speaker 2>to suffer on his own, which is so strange to

0:23:28.050 --> 0:23:29.970
<v Speaker 2>think considering I just found out that I had been

0:23:30.050 --> 0:23:32.490
<v Speaker 2>cheated on. But yeah, I just ended up. It was

0:23:32.530 --> 0:23:34.570
<v Speaker 2>like half an hour in the car of me comforting

0:23:34.610 --> 0:23:37.290
<v Speaker 2>him until he finally got himself together, and I just said, look,

0:23:37.730 --> 0:23:39.250
<v Speaker 2>I need to go home and I need to think,

0:23:39.890 --> 0:23:42.690
<v Speaker 2>and i'll contact you tomorrow. Just give me some time.

0:23:43.450 --> 0:23:46.250
<v Speaker 2>So I ended up driving home straight away, got on

0:23:46.290 --> 0:23:49.050
<v Speaker 2>the phone with the girlfriends and did the big debrief

0:23:49.690 --> 0:23:53.210
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, from there, I kind of just took a

0:23:53.250 --> 0:23:54.970
<v Speaker 2>while to process it.

0:23:55.770 --> 0:23:57.410
<v Speaker 3>Of course, I did the typical.

0:23:57.050 --> 0:24:00.650
<v Speaker 2>Hey girl message to the girl because I actually knew

0:24:00.650 --> 0:24:03.850
<v Speaker 2>her quite well, which was another bit of a stab

0:24:03.930 --> 0:24:06.210
<v Speaker 2>in the back, But I think I was pretty used

0:24:06.250 --> 0:24:09.170
<v Speaker 2>to taking hits at this point, so yeah, I sent

0:24:09.250 --> 0:24:11.370
<v Speaker 2>her a message and was like, hey, you know, Patrick

0:24:11.450 --> 0:24:14.290
<v Speaker 2>is just told me what happened. I want to know

0:24:14.330 --> 0:24:16.850
<v Speaker 2>from your side what happened. Out of all the Hay

0:24:16.930 --> 0:24:19.770
<v Speaker 2>girl messages, she's the only one to ever deny to me,

0:24:20.130 --> 0:24:23.370
<v Speaker 2>which is so strange because I think it was a

0:24:23.450 --> 0:24:26.290
<v Speaker 2>very sticky situation for her because her younger brother was

0:24:26.290 --> 0:24:29.290
<v Speaker 2>his best friend, their families had been very united for

0:24:29.490 --> 0:24:31.970
<v Speaker 2>very many years. She also knew we'd been together for

0:24:32.010 --> 0:24:35.530
<v Speaker 2>two or half years since then, so I think she had.

0:24:35.730 --> 0:24:36.610
<v Speaker 3>Not more to lose.

0:24:36.650 --> 0:24:39.330
<v Speaker 2>But she was more embarrassed that that happened. She didn't

0:24:39.330 --> 0:24:41.050
<v Speaker 2>want her younger brother to find out, she didn't want

0:24:41.050 --> 0:24:44.890
<v Speaker 2>everyone to find out. So yeah, she denied to the

0:24:44.890 --> 0:24:47.410
<v Speaker 2>cows came home. I hate to say it, because I

0:24:47.410 --> 0:24:49.050
<v Speaker 2>never want to blame the girl, but yeah, part of

0:24:49.090 --> 0:24:51.530
<v Speaker 2>me was angry at her because she was denying, and

0:24:51.970 --> 0:24:54.730
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to validate his story against hers. You know,

0:24:54.810 --> 0:24:57.250
<v Speaker 2>he was saying that she took advantage of him, and

0:24:57.330 --> 0:24:59.330
<v Speaker 2>I wanted to know whether that was the truth, and

0:24:59.450 --> 0:25:01.210
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't get that from her. So that was again

0:25:01.290 --> 0:25:03.610
<v Speaker 2>this missing piece of the puzzle which I just couldn't get.

0:25:03.650 --> 0:25:07.010
<v Speaker 2>So it was more frustrating because yeah, every Hay Girl

0:25:07.050 --> 0:25:09.570
<v Speaker 2>message I got, I always got a great response from

0:25:09.610 --> 0:25:12.130
<v Speaker 2>the girls, you know, all the girls girls go but

0:25:12.290 --> 0:25:16.050
<v Speaker 2>they Yeah, she just didn't want to give me any answers,

0:25:16.090 --> 0:25:18.250
<v Speaker 2>which was such a shame because I feel like that

0:25:18.330 --> 0:25:20.250
<v Speaker 2>would have really helped me in that time to kind

0:25:20.290 --> 0:25:24.090
<v Speaker 2>of understand the situation. But yeah, I just I was

0:25:24.250 --> 0:25:26.410
<v Speaker 2>angry and frustrated at the start, and then you know,

0:25:26.450 --> 0:25:28.450
<v Speaker 2>you went, I went through my sad phase of being like,

0:25:28.890 --> 0:25:30.450
<v Speaker 2>how have we gotten to this? And then you know,

0:25:30.610 --> 0:25:33.010
<v Speaker 2>starting to question everything from the past, all the red

0:25:33.050 --> 0:25:35.730
<v Speaker 2>flags that I had seen that I had ignored. Now

0:25:35.730 --> 0:25:38.490
<v Speaker 2>because I'd finally got I finally had him admit to

0:25:38.490 --> 0:25:41.130
<v Speaker 2>me that it had happened. So yeah, it made me

0:25:41.130 --> 0:25:43.730
<v Speaker 2>start to question and reflect on everything that had happened

0:25:43.730 --> 0:25:46.010
<v Speaker 2>over the past couple of years. When I got home

0:25:46.330 --> 0:25:49.290
<v Speaker 2>from finding that out, I obviously spoke to all the

0:25:49.290 --> 0:25:51.930
<v Speaker 2>girls and we had the conversation about you know, I

0:25:51.970 --> 0:25:54.930
<v Speaker 2>need to get out of this relationship, and I knew

0:25:54.970 --> 0:25:56.970
<v Speaker 2>I needed to get out of it because I'd just

0:25:57.010 --> 0:25:59.970
<v Speaker 2>been cheated on. And what advice would I give my

0:25:59.970 --> 0:26:01.930
<v Speaker 2>friend in this situation, and that would be to walk away.

0:26:01.930 --> 0:26:04.930
<v Speaker 2>And I always would think about that, about what advice

0:26:04.930 --> 0:26:06.610
<v Speaker 2>I would give to my friend if she was in

0:26:06.610 --> 0:26:09.090
<v Speaker 2>this situation, and it would be to get the hell

0:26:09.130 --> 0:26:11.930
<v Speaker 2>out of there. So I knew deep down that it

0:26:11.970 --> 0:26:15.490
<v Speaker 2>was time to leave. And after taking a few days

0:26:15.570 --> 0:26:19.210
<v Speaker 2>of sort of processing and thinking, I was ready to

0:26:19.210 --> 0:26:21.210
<v Speaker 2>tell him that I was going to walk away. So

0:26:22.050 --> 0:26:24.170
<v Speaker 2>it took a while because obviously you're fighting these two

0:26:24.290 --> 0:26:27.050
<v Speaker 2>things of it's one time, it's a mistake and you

0:26:27.050 --> 0:26:30.050
<v Speaker 2>know she took advantage of him, and he's so sorry

0:26:30.090 --> 0:26:32.450
<v Speaker 2>and he really wants to fix this, and then the

0:26:32.490 --> 0:26:34.850
<v Speaker 2>other side of wants a cheaterh always a cheater and

0:26:35.570 --> 0:26:39.290
<v Speaker 2>the trust is completely broken. So it was a very

0:26:39.330 --> 0:26:43.730
<v Speaker 2>hard decision to make. But yeah, I ended up meeting

0:26:43.770 --> 0:26:46.570
<v Speaker 2>up with him and went in there to break up

0:26:46.610 --> 0:26:50.690
<v Speaker 2>with him. Unfortunately walked out back with him, which always

0:26:50.770 --> 0:26:53.370
<v Speaker 2>seemed to be the thing. I think I went in

0:26:53.410 --> 0:26:55.450
<v Speaker 2>there at least six times to break up with him

0:26:55.490 --> 0:26:58.530
<v Speaker 2>after finding out different things, whether it was a message

0:26:58.610 --> 0:27:01.410
<v Speaker 2>or a snapchat, Like there's so many different things in

0:27:01.450 --> 0:27:04.570
<v Speaker 2>between the big stories which I would catch him and

0:27:04.610 --> 0:27:07.130
<v Speaker 2>I'd go in to break up with him, but it

0:27:07.170 --> 0:27:09.650
<v Speaker 2>would always be the exact same thing, where he would

0:27:09.650 --> 0:27:12.450
<v Speaker 2>be hysterically crying. He would tell tell me he can't

0:27:12.490 --> 0:27:14.130
<v Speaker 2>live without me, like if I walk away, he don't know,

0:27:14.210 --> 0:27:16.570
<v Speaker 2>he doesn't know what will happen to him. It was

0:27:16.610 --> 0:27:20.490
<v Speaker 2>always me comforting him rather than, you know, putting myself first.

0:27:20.490 --> 0:27:22.570
<v Speaker 2>And I think a lot of that came from the

0:27:22.610 --> 0:27:24.930
<v Speaker 2>pressure of feeling like what if I did walk away

0:27:24.930 --> 0:27:27.690
<v Speaker 2>and he did do something to himself, Like I honestly

0:27:27.690 --> 0:27:29.530
<v Speaker 2>felt like a lot of his life was in my hands,

0:27:29.530 --> 0:27:32.210
<v Speaker 2>which is a lot for someone who is so young

0:27:32.330 --> 0:27:36.170
<v Speaker 2>but also so in love with this person.

0:27:36.450 --> 0:27:39.410
<v Speaker 1>So she did stay with him even after he admitted

0:27:39.450 --> 0:27:42.410
<v Speaker 1>he cheated, and Claire was so sure he had before

0:27:42.810 --> 0:27:46.410
<v Speaker 1>she stayed. As the great poet Taylor Swift says, I

0:27:46.450 --> 0:27:48.370
<v Speaker 1>can fix him, No, really, I can.

0:27:49.090 --> 0:27:52.330
<v Speaker 2>I think deep down I always knew that I needed

0:27:52.370 --> 0:27:56.330
<v Speaker 2>to leave, but I genuinely just loved him so much,

0:27:56.490 --> 0:27:59.690
<v Speaker 2>like I wanted to help him and I wanted to

0:27:59.770 --> 0:28:01.690
<v Speaker 2>fix him, and I knew what he was capable of

0:28:01.730 --> 0:28:04.530
<v Speaker 2>again that first year, I think seeing how great he was,

0:28:05.050 --> 0:28:06.570
<v Speaker 2>and I knew I could get him back there if

0:28:06.610 --> 0:28:09.370
<v Speaker 2>I just got him off smoking weed, got him back

0:28:09.410 --> 0:28:12.210
<v Speaker 2>on track, Like we could get back there. I withdrew

0:28:12.250 --> 0:28:15.450
<v Speaker 2>from my friends because I knew what they would have

0:28:15.490 --> 0:28:18.130
<v Speaker 2>to say. I am so blessed that I had the

0:28:18.130 --> 0:28:21.250
<v Speaker 2>most supportive friends. One of them, the same one that

0:28:21.450 --> 0:28:23.970
<v Speaker 2>sort of was involved the whole way, used to drop

0:28:24.010 --> 0:28:27.050
<v Speaker 2>me to his house every time to break up with him,

0:28:27.570 --> 0:28:29.570
<v Speaker 2>and then would wait out the front for me to

0:28:29.730 --> 0:28:32.010
<v Speaker 2>take me home and I would textss A, you can go.

0:28:32.650 --> 0:28:34.690
<v Speaker 2>A lot of them had to deal with it, and

0:28:34.770 --> 0:28:37.690
<v Speaker 2>I honestly don't know how they managed to say friends

0:28:37.730 --> 0:28:40.610
<v Speaker 2>with me during the whole time, because it's so hard

0:28:40.610 --> 0:28:42.290
<v Speaker 2>to watch their friend go through something like that.

0:28:42.410 --> 0:28:44.370
<v Speaker 3>And when I.

0:28:43.690 --> 0:28:45.890
<v Speaker 2>Really thought I was going to leave this relationship and

0:28:45.890 --> 0:28:48.930
<v Speaker 2>I told them like this is it, like halolu, let's go,

0:28:49.890 --> 0:28:52.970
<v Speaker 2>and then the sort of I guess they're being able

0:28:52.970 --> 0:28:55.250
<v Speaker 2>to be like, oh god, I'm actually going to have

0:28:55.250 --> 0:28:57.810
<v Speaker 2>to tell them again that I'm going back to him,

0:28:58.210 --> 0:28:59.170
<v Speaker 2>and like what's that going.

0:28:59.090 --> 0:29:00.450
<v Speaker 3>To mean for our friendships?

0:29:00.530 --> 0:29:03.370
<v Speaker 2>Because it's so hard for them to have to watch

0:29:03.370 --> 0:29:05.410
<v Speaker 2>me go through this again, and like have to be

0:29:05.610 --> 0:29:08.090
<v Speaker 2>so involved in such a toxic relationship because I always

0:29:08.130 --> 0:29:10.490
<v Speaker 2>came to them for support and always came to them.

0:29:10.890 --> 0:29:13.770
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, a lot of the thought of just guilt

0:29:13.930 --> 0:29:16.050
<v Speaker 2>as well for what I was going to have to

0:29:16.090 --> 0:29:17.690
<v Speaker 2>admit to them, like, yeah, I'm going to give it

0:29:17.730 --> 0:29:20.930
<v Speaker 2>another crack. When I knew deep down that it wasn't

0:29:20.970 --> 0:29:23.810
<v Speaker 2>the right thing to do, I felt like I had

0:29:23.810 --> 0:29:26.530
<v Speaker 2>a purpose to help him, and if I left, who

0:29:26.570 --> 0:29:29.450
<v Speaker 2>would So yeah, part of me felt just trapped, and

0:29:29.530 --> 0:29:32.330
<v Speaker 2>it was just embarrassing, to be honest, Like I was

0:29:32.370 --> 0:29:35.090
<v Speaker 2>embarrassed because it wasn't just my friends that knew about this,

0:29:35.130 --> 0:29:37.450
<v Speaker 2>but people were finding out about what was happening in

0:29:37.450 --> 0:29:39.970
<v Speaker 2>our circle, and people were knowing I was the girl

0:29:40.010 --> 0:29:41.730
<v Speaker 2>that was getting back with the guy that was cheating

0:29:41.770 --> 0:29:42.850
<v Speaker 2>on her, and it was embarrassing.

0:29:43.170 --> 0:29:46.570
<v Speaker 1>But dear listener, you've heard this podcast before, you know

0:29:46.650 --> 0:29:48.410
<v Speaker 1>this story isn't going to end there.

0:29:48.970 --> 0:29:50.890
<v Speaker 3>So this is the best part.

0:29:51.410 --> 0:29:53.770
<v Speaker 2>So at this point, you know, we're probably two and

0:29:53.850 --> 0:29:55.770
<v Speaker 2>eight half years in, but a year and half into

0:29:55.770 --> 0:29:59.530
<v Speaker 2>the toxicity, I had all these passwords. Still there'd been

0:29:59.810 --> 0:30:04.330
<v Speaker 2>lots of allegations and things, but the only concrete cheating

0:30:04.410 --> 0:30:05.890
<v Speaker 2>I had known at this point.

0:30:06.650 --> 0:30:07.490
<v Speaker 3>I had been.

0:30:07.330 --> 0:30:10.130
<v Speaker 2>Out for dinner with a girlfriend and I'd gone back

0:30:10.170 --> 0:30:13.010
<v Speaker 2>to his house. He was playing Xbox in his room

0:30:13.610 --> 0:30:15.930
<v Speaker 2>and I was watching a movie on his laptop, so

0:30:15.970 --> 0:30:18.250
<v Speaker 2>I went on too. I had a little bit of

0:30:18.250 --> 0:30:21.170
<v Speaker 2>a wandering hand that somehow stumbled into his I message

0:30:21.170 --> 0:30:24.130
<v Speaker 2>on his laptop, and I saw some messages with an

0:30:24.210 --> 0:30:27.890
<v Speaker 2>unknown number. I don't think at this point he knew

0:30:27.930 --> 0:30:30.570
<v Speaker 2>that when you delete off your iPhone, it immediately deletes

0:30:30.570 --> 0:30:33.170
<v Speaker 2>off your laptop, like it has to like connect or something,

0:30:33.930 --> 0:30:36.610
<v Speaker 2>so he must have thought he was in the clear.

0:30:36.650 --> 0:30:41.050
<v Speaker 2>And I went onto these messages and immediately was like

0:30:41.770 --> 0:30:42.970
<v Speaker 2>a hit in the stomach.

0:30:43.050 --> 0:30:45.890
<v Speaker 3>Here we go again. The last messages I could.

0:30:45.730 --> 0:30:49.170
<v Speaker 2>Just see were like just vile, and I just scrolled

0:30:49.250 --> 0:30:51.970
<v Speaker 2>up and I just saw like messages on messages on messages.

0:30:52.770 --> 0:30:56.330
<v Speaker 2>It was an unknown number. I couldn't see who it was. Honestly,

0:30:56.370 --> 0:30:58.770
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't reading it at that time. I've just wanted

0:30:58.770 --> 0:31:02.050
<v Speaker 2>to get to the top, get my evidence, and get

0:31:02.050 --> 0:31:05.010
<v Speaker 2>the hell out of there. So I saw some photos

0:31:05.050 --> 0:31:06.610
<v Speaker 2>exchange where I could see it was a girl with

0:31:06.690 --> 0:31:09.610
<v Speaker 2>pink hair, and they were sending nudes to each other,

0:31:10.010 --> 0:31:12.290
<v Speaker 2>but I didn't know who it was, so I pretty

0:31:12.370 --> 0:31:14.450
<v Speaker 2>much just scrolled to the top of the messages, whipped

0:31:14.450 --> 0:31:17.730
<v Speaker 2>out my iPhone and started recording and just started scrolling

0:31:17.730 --> 0:31:20.410
<v Speaker 2>through the messages because I didn't have time to read

0:31:20.450 --> 0:31:21.970
<v Speaker 2>them and I just wanted to get out of there,

0:31:22.090 --> 0:31:25.490
<v Speaker 2>So I recorded all these messages that he had been

0:31:25.530 --> 0:31:28.690
<v Speaker 2>exchanging with this woman, and then once I had gotten them,

0:31:29.130 --> 0:31:31.450
<v Speaker 2>I left open on his laptop and I legged it

0:31:31.530 --> 0:31:34.210
<v Speaker 2>out the door faster than I honestly think I've ever

0:31:34.290 --> 0:31:37.210
<v Speaker 2>run in my life, and then just left them open

0:31:37.210 --> 0:31:40.170
<v Speaker 2>on his laptop and got my car and just faged

0:31:40.210 --> 0:31:42.410
<v Speaker 2>it down the road down to a park where I

0:31:42.410 --> 0:31:46.170
<v Speaker 2>could actually stop the car and read the messages. The

0:31:46.210 --> 0:31:49.050
<v Speaker 2>first message he had sent to her was pretty much

0:31:49.090 --> 0:31:53.170
<v Speaker 2>thanking her for a wonderful night. He said, you know,

0:31:53.290 --> 0:31:57.210
<v Speaker 2>she'd given him the best massage with the nicest coconut oil,

0:31:57.650 --> 0:32:00.250
<v Speaker 2>pretty much a full paragraph and saying he still, you know,

0:32:00.370 --> 0:32:02.330
<v Speaker 2>ponders on that night. Like it was like a poem,

0:32:02.970 --> 0:32:05.690
<v Speaker 2>like I've never seen someone so poetic, and he like

0:32:05.770 --> 0:32:08.450
<v Speaker 2>signed it off with his first letter of his name

0:32:08.530 --> 0:32:11.170
<v Speaker 2>and a heart. And then this woman came back and

0:32:11.290 --> 0:32:14.290
<v Speaker 2>was just pretty much gave him poems back saying, you know,

0:32:15.130 --> 0:32:18.690
<v Speaker 2>I had such a wonderful night with you, and I

0:32:18.690 --> 0:32:23.130
<v Speaker 2>would love to see you again. So at the start,

0:32:23.170 --> 0:32:25.770
<v Speaker 2>I was like, Okay, so we've obviously got some sort

0:32:25.810 --> 0:32:28.530
<v Speaker 2>of relationship going on here. And it wasn't until I

0:32:28.650 --> 0:32:30.690
<v Speaker 2>kept going through the messages that I realized that she

0:32:30.890 --> 0:32:33.890
<v Speaker 2>was a sex worker. She wasn't asking for him to

0:32:33.930 --> 0:32:38.130
<v Speaker 2>come back for money, so she was actually saying she

0:32:38.170 --> 0:32:40.650
<v Speaker 2>would love to see him again, and she doesn't expect

0:32:40.690 --> 0:32:42.850
<v Speaker 2>any payment, like she would just love to see him again.

0:32:43.490 --> 0:32:46.450
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, they were kind of going back and forth,

0:32:46.930 --> 0:32:51.010
<v Speaker 2>sexing some really interesting messages about that night.

0:32:51.850 --> 0:32:53.850
<v Speaker 3>It was just a whole lot.

0:32:53.890 --> 0:32:56.010
<v Speaker 2>And then she started, you know, saying, I'm getting some

0:32:56.090 --> 0:32:58.530
<v Speaker 2>new photos and videos for my website. Do you want

0:32:58.530 --> 0:33:00.450
<v Speaker 2>to see them before I post them? And he's like,

0:33:00.530 --> 0:33:03.130
<v Speaker 2>go for it. And then they're kind of like talking

0:33:03.130 --> 0:33:05.410
<v Speaker 2>about these photos and then she's like, I would love

0:33:05.450 --> 0:33:07.250
<v Speaker 2>to see you tonight and he's like I can't.

0:33:07.290 --> 0:33:11.450
<v Speaker 3>I'm babysitting my little sisters aka my girlfriend's coming over.

0:33:11.930 --> 0:33:15.330
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, they were just like it was just the

0:33:15.370 --> 0:33:18.930
<v Speaker 2>most intense messages I'd ever read, So it was all

0:33:18.930 --> 0:33:21.690
<v Speaker 2>in that one night. They were exchanging messages that night

0:33:21.770 --> 0:33:23.930
<v Speaker 2>for about like an hour, an hour or two before

0:33:23.930 --> 0:33:26.210
<v Speaker 2>I had gotten there, and he pretty much like wrapped

0:33:26.250 --> 0:33:28.090
<v Speaker 2>up the conversation saying, I gotta go, and my sister's

0:33:28.170 --> 0:33:30.530
<v Speaker 2>going to be here soon. But yeah, they were going

0:33:30.530 --> 0:33:33.050
<v Speaker 2>through good two hours whilst I was out at dinner.

0:33:35.090 --> 0:33:41.170
<v Speaker 2>I was disgusted because I firstly didn't know what night

0:33:41.370 --> 0:33:44.250
<v Speaker 2>that it had been, Like, not only is he cheating,

0:33:44.290 --> 0:33:45.570
<v Speaker 2>but he's putting me in.

0:33:45.610 --> 0:33:49.010
<v Speaker 3>A situation now where he's sleeping with other people and

0:33:49.010 --> 0:33:50.730
<v Speaker 3>coming home to me, looking me in the eyes, and

0:33:50.730 --> 0:33:52.850
<v Speaker 3>then sleeping with me. I don't know whether he'd been

0:33:52.890 --> 0:33:55.170
<v Speaker 3>using protection with her. I was angry.

0:33:55.210 --> 0:33:57.530
<v Speaker 2>I found it so selfish that he would put me

0:33:57.570 --> 0:34:00.770
<v Speaker 2>in that situation. Like there was so many emotions that

0:34:00.810 --> 0:34:01.970
<v Speaker 2>I didn't even know how.

0:34:01.850 --> 0:34:02.490
<v Speaker 3>To process it.

0:34:02.530 --> 0:34:05.330
<v Speaker 2>I was just like the first time was relief, and

0:34:05.370 --> 0:34:08.370
<v Speaker 2>this time was just I was so overwhelmed and I

0:34:08.450 --> 0:34:11.370
<v Speaker 2>was so embarrassed that I was gonna have to own

0:34:11.410 --> 0:34:13.930
<v Speaker 2>this to everyone and be like, Yep, it happened again,

0:34:13.970 --> 0:34:16.890
<v Speaker 2>and this time with a sex worker named doctor Pussy.

0:34:17.730 --> 0:34:21.170
<v Speaker 2>I got her phone number from the messages and entered

0:34:21.170 --> 0:34:24.650
<v Speaker 2>it into Google and I found her page. She was

0:34:24.850 --> 0:34:27.570
<v Speaker 2>over forty years old, so she was really really you know,

0:34:27.610 --> 0:34:30.450
<v Speaker 2>we were you know, early twenties then, so she was

0:34:30.530 --> 0:34:33.090
<v Speaker 2>a lot older. And to know that, you know, she

0:34:33.410 --> 0:34:35.530
<v Speaker 2>would have known his age, and she was wanting him

0:34:35.570 --> 0:34:37.890
<v Speaker 2>to come back for free and like to really make

0:34:37.970 --> 0:34:42.010
<v Speaker 2>something of that. And I just felt so gross because

0:34:42.290 --> 0:34:45.730
<v Speaker 2>it just made me question. I had no idea what

0:34:45.810 --> 0:34:48.250
<v Speaker 2>night this was. We were spending a lot of time together,

0:34:48.290 --> 0:34:50.290
<v Speaker 2>so honestly it would have been a night that he

0:34:50.330 --> 0:34:52.730
<v Speaker 2>would have come home to me. So yeah, it was

0:34:52.810 --> 0:34:56.290
<v Speaker 2>just like trying to put the pieces together. Patrick was

0:34:56.290 --> 0:34:59.410
<v Speaker 2>a good looking guy, Like he was gorgeous.

0:34:59.570 --> 0:35:00.650
<v Speaker 3>So he could get anyone.

0:35:01.090 --> 0:35:02.730
<v Speaker 2>He would be able to go out on a night

0:35:02.730 --> 0:35:05.210
<v Speaker 2>out and get any girl he wanted, like genuinely he

0:35:05.250 --> 0:35:08.450
<v Speaker 2>was told he was gorgeous, but he had this weird

0:35:08.570 --> 0:35:12.130
<v Speaker 2>thing where he just needed validation or something like that,

0:35:12.210 --> 0:35:16.130
<v Speaker 2>where yeah, it wasn't about the cheating, it was almost

0:35:16.170 --> 0:35:19.130
<v Speaker 2>just about getting as much attentional anything like that. So

0:35:19.290 --> 0:35:21.810
<v Speaker 2>I think it let me confuse because I also went

0:35:21.890 --> 0:35:24.170
<v Speaker 2>then looking on that sex worker page and saw all

0:35:24.210 --> 0:35:28.130
<v Speaker 2>these beautiful women, you know, of his age, and was

0:35:28.170 --> 0:35:31.570
<v Speaker 2>just so confused by his choice, which is so pole

0:35:31.650 --> 0:35:34.930
<v Speaker 2>opposite to me, and just you know, you start questioning

0:35:34.970 --> 0:35:37.770
<v Speaker 2>all these questions like what does she have? You know,

0:35:37.850 --> 0:35:41.650
<v Speaker 2>what is it? We had an active sex life, as

0:35:41.650 --> 0:35:44.010
<v Speaker 2>you can imagine for a man that was pretty much

0:35:44.010 --> 0:35:47.610
<v Speaker 2>a sex addict. Yeah, he had this desire for other

0:35:47.690 --> 0:35:51.730
<v Speaker 2>women for some reason, whatever that was. So I ended

0:35:51.810 --> 0:35:57.490
<v Speaker 2>up messaging Octopussy myself, just out of anger, out of frustration,

0:35:58.170 --> 0:35:59.690
<v Speaker 2>and I pretty much messaged her and just said, hey,

0:35:59.730 --> 0:36:01.770
<v Speaker 2>I just want to let you know Patrick is in

0:36:01.810 --> 0:36:04.650
<v Speaker 2>a you know, three and a half year relationship. I

0:36:04.650 --> 0:36:08.570
<v Speaker 2>hope you're happy with what you've done, which is so

0:36:08.650 --> 0:36:10.410
<v Speaker 2>horrible and I can put my hat up and say

0:36:10.410 --> 0:36:13.130
<v Speaker 2>that it's just ridiculous. And she came back to me

0:36:13.170 --> 0:36:15.930
<v Speaker 2>and she said, look, sometimes men need to do things

0:36:15.930 --> 0:36:18.850
<v Speaker 2>to women that they can't do to the women that

0:36:18.890 --> 0:36:22.090
<v Speaker 2>they love. And I just went back to her and said, darling,

0:36:22.170 --> 0:36:24.450
<v Speaker 2>you are not the first one. And then she came

0:36:24.490 --> 0:36:27.130
<v Speaker 2>back to me and pretty much was like I didn't realize,

0:36:27.370 --> 0:36:29.290
<v Speaker 2>you know, he'd cheat on you lots of times, like

0:36:29.330 --> 0:36:31.410
<v Speaker 2>you should leave him, walk away. And I was now

0:36:31.410 --> 0:36:34.850
<v Speaker 2>all of a sudden getting this relationship advice from Octopusy

0:36:34.890 --> 0:36:37.770
<v Speaker 2>and like it was bizarre, but she was like on

0:36:37.850 --> 0:36:40.370
<v Speaker 2>my side saying, you know, you don't deserve that. You

0:36:40.370 --> 0:36:42.490
<v Speaker 2>don't deserve a man to continually cheat on you.

0:36:42.530 --> 0:36:43.250
<v Speaker 3>Like I didn't.

0:36:43.050 --> 0:36:45.450
<v Speaker 2>Realize that that was going on. I was sitting there

0:36:45.530 --> 0:36:49.010
<v Speaker 2>being like, what is my life? Like, I'm now messaging

0:36:49.010 --> 0:36:52.450
<v Speaker 2>a forty year old sex worker about my cheating boyfriend.

0:36:52.490 --> 0:36:54.650
<v Speaker 1>And it only got more bizarre from there.

0:36:55.050 --> 0:36:57.450
<v Speaker 2>We exchanged a couple of texts and then I think

0:36:57.490 --> 0:37:00.210
<v Speaker 2>she ended up messaging him saying, you know, your girlfriend's

0:37:00.210 --> 0:37:03.850
<v Speaker 2>messaging me, and then he's messaging her saying, can you

0:37:03.930 --> 0:37:07.730
<v Speaker 2>help me sort it out with her? So this poor

0:37:08.450 --> 0:37:12.330
<v Speaker 2>poor sex worker was stuck in between our relationship pretty

0:37:12.370 --> 0:37:16.250
<v Speaker 2>much mediating. She had him begging for help to help,

0:37:16.450 --> 0:37:18.850
<v Speaker 2>you know, reconcile our relationship and give me advice that

0:37:18.850 --> 0:37:21.490
<v Speaker 2>would help us get back together, whereas she had me

0:37:21.610 --> 0:37:24.410
<v Speaker 2>kind of being like a bit sassy but also like

0:37:24.890 --> 0:37:28.890
<v Speaker 2>this is the situation. So yeah, I never thought that

0:37:28.930 --> 0:37:31.570
<v Speaker 2>this poor woman would be stuck in between. She had

0:37:31.570 --> 0:37:33.570
<v Speaker 2>definitely got more than what she barkained.

0:37:33.130 --> 0:37:33.890
<v Speaker 3>For with that one.

0:37:34.010 --> 0:37:36.930
<v Speaker 2>But I ended up obviously after a couple of exchanges

0:37:36.970 --> 0:37:40.370
<v Speaker 2>and texts and realizing what am I doing ended up

0:37:40.370 --> 0:37:44.250
<v Speaker 2>cutting the messages off. It was call and text and

0:37:44.290 --> 0:37:46.850
<v Speaker 2>text and CaAl and like I was just like, it

0:37:46.890 --> 0:37:49.610
<v Speaker 2>was weeks of just leave me alone, like it's done,

0:37:50.010 --> 0:37:52.690
<v Speaker 2>and I was done. I was like, you have betrayed

0:37:52.730 --> 0:37:55.730
<v Speaker 2>me for the second time. The fact that you could

0:37:55.730 --> 0:37:59.050
<v Speaker 2>go out and do that and then come home and

0:37:59.090 --> 0:38:00.810
<v Speaker 2>look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.

0:38:00.810 --> 0:38:02.130
<v Speaker 3>Like I was furious.

0:38:02.210 --> 0:38:05.490
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, I'm so done with you. And

0:38:05.570 --> 0:38:07.930
<v Speaker 2>this honestly should have been the final straw. And I

0:38:07.970 --> 0:38:11.570
<v Speaker 2>don't know what witchcraft he put on me to somehow

0:38:11.690 --> 0:38:14.370
<v Speaker 2>reel me back in for the last time, but it

0:38:14.530 --> 0:38:19.730
<v Speaker 2>was just weeks of persistence and begging and telling me

0:38:19.850 --> 0:38:22.890
<v Speaker 2>that if I walk away, his life isn't worth living,

0:38:22.930 --> 0:38:26.450
<v Speaker 2>and putting that pressure back on me. He was willing

0:38:26.490 --> 0:38:28.730
<v Speaker 2>to work, like he was willing to make the changes

0:38:28.730 --> 0:38:31.050
<v Speaker 2>that he needed, which was he was going to stop smoking.

0:38:31.930 --> 0:38:33.730
<v Speaker 2>He was reaching out to my friends and you know,

0:38:33.810 --> 0:38:36.610
<v Speaker 2>spinning all these webs with them and you know, telling

0:38:36.610 --> 0:38:39.450
<v Speaker 2>them everything they wanted to hear. Like he is so

0:38:39.490 --> 0:38:41.850
<v Speaker 2>good with his words that you'd leave the conversation and

0:38:41.890 --> 0:38:45.370
<v Speaker 2>be like, maybe it is worth giving him another chance.

0:38:45.410 --> 0:38:46.610
<v Speaker 3>Maybe he is going to change.

0:38:47.130 --> 0:38:51.010
<v Speaker 2>He genuinely was so distressed and distraught, and in the

0:38:51.050 --> 0:38:54.650
<v Speaker 2>time that we were broken up, he was making the changes.

0:38:54.690 --> 0:38:59.010
<v Speaker 2>He'd stopped smoking weed. He came back so persistent and

0:38:59.890 --> 0:39:04.290
<v Speaker 2>so willing to change, and he just wasn't going to

0:39:04.330 --> 0:39:07.050
<v Speaker 2>give up until I got back with him. I think

0:39:07.090 --> 0:39:08.890
<v Speaker 2>I knew deep down I was going to walk away,

0:39:09.370 --> 0:39:11.530
<v Speaker 2>and I knew it was going to happen again, but

0:39:12.330 --> 0:39:14.690
<v Speaker 2>I was hoping by that next time I would have

0:39:14.770 --> 0:39:17.210
<v Speaker 2>the courage in me to say this is it. To

0:39:17.250 --> 0:39:19.930
<v Speaker 2>be honest, we weren't back together boyfriend and girlfriend. We

0:39:19.930 --> 0:39:22.210
<v Speaker 2>were working things out. He was proving to me that,

0:39:22.410 --> 0:39:24.410
<v Speaker 2>you know, he could be who he was in the

0:39:24.450 --> 0:39:27.810
<v Speaker 2>first year. One morning, I was working in my cafe

0:39:27.930 --> 0:39:31.890
<v Speaker 2>job and I went on to his snapchat while I

0:39:31.930 --> 0:39:34.490
<v Speaker 2>was working, and I saw, like I could see in

0:39:34.530 --> 0:39:37.090
<v Speaker 2>his recence there was this girl's name, but then when

0:39:37.090 --> 0:39:40.410
<v Speaker 2>I swipe across to his feed, the girl's name wasn't there.

0:39:40.490 --> 0:39:43.330
<v Speaker 2>So straight away that's an alarm bells, being like he's

0:39:43.370 --> 0:39:48.290
<v Speaker 2>deleted the chat. So I immediately just didn't even bother messaging him.

0:39:48.490 --> 0:39:50.850
<v Speaker 2>I went straight to the girl and just said, hey, no,

0:39:50.890 --> 0:39:54.090
<v Speaker 2>you're snapchatting Patrick. You know this is my boyfriend. Can

0:39:54.130 --> 0:39:56.690
<v Speaker 2>you let me know what's happening. This girl was amazing.

0:39:56.890 --> 0:39:59.370
<v Speaker 2>She gave me all the tea, everything I needed to hear,

0:40:00.210 --> 0:40:03.130
<v Speaker 2>and it was like a light bulb moment. I cannot

0:40:03.170 --> 0:40:06.810
<v Speaker 2>explain it. My feelings just switched. It was like I

0:40:06.890 --> 0:40:11.010
<v Speaker 2>needed that to just walk away. I felt nothing for him.

0:40:11.050 --> 0:40:13.570
<v Speaker 2>I was just like, Okay, thank you. She had validated

0:40:13.570 --> 0:40:16.330
<v Speaker 2>that they'd been snapchatting, that they had been sending nudes

0:40:16.410 --> 0:40:19.050
<v Speaker 2>and sexting. She had sent me a screenshot off this

0:40:19.130 --> 0:40:23.090
<v Speaker 2>message that he'd sent saying that he's going to have

0:40:23.090 --> 0:40:25.610
<v Speaker 2>to stop talking to her to be respectful to Claire,

0:40:26.050 --> 0:40:28.530
<v Speaker 2>but one day they can do the things that they

0:40:28.570 --> 0:40:32.650
<v Speaker 2>spoke about. I flipped a switch. I remember I was

0:40:32.690 --> 0:40:34.730
<v Speaker 2>working alone in this cafe. I went to the bathroom,

0:40:35.130 --> 0:40:37.810
<v Speaker 2>created a group chat with all my girlfriends, like all

0:40:37.850 --> 0:40:40.010
<v Speaker 2>the ones even from different friendship groups, and said, guys,

0:40:40.570 --> 0:40:42.850
<v Speaker 2>I swear to God, I'm done.

0:40:42.890 --> 0:40:45.650
<v Speaker 3>Like this is it. I couldn't explain the feeling of

0:40:45.890 --> 0:40:48.250
<v Speaker 3>It's like all my love for him just disappeared.

0:40:48.450 --> 0:40:52.010
<v Speaker 2>It was just such a weird feeling that I finally

0:40:52.090 --> 0:40:54.650
<v Speaker 2>was able to let go, like I was done, And

0:40:54.690 --> 0:40:57.130
<v Speaker 2>it didn't take him cheating on me with a sex worker.

0:40:57.170 --> 0:40:58.770
<v Speaker 3>It didn't take him messaging girls.

0:40:58.770 --> 0:41:00.850
<v Speaker 2>It was just finding out that he was still doing

0:41:00.850 --> 0:41:03.450
<v Speaker 2>it after I'd gotten back with him. I was slowly

0:41:03.570 --> 0:41:06.610
<v Speaker 2>checking out over the months, but I just never was

0:41:07.130 --> 0:41:09.410
<v Speaker 2>prepared to walk away. And I think that a lot

0:41:09.450 --> 0:41:11.690
<v Speaker 2>of that came from holding onto the hope and the

0:41:11.810 --> 0:41:13.650
<v Speaker 2>pressure of what would happen if I did leave.

0:41:13.730 --> 0:41:16.010
<v Speaker 3>But I was finally ready to be selfish say you

0:41:16.050 --> 0:41:18.050
<v Speaker 3>know what I am done.

0:41:18.610 --> 0:41:20.810
<v Speaker 2>I think I needed to get over him while I

0:41:20.850 --> 0:41:23.930
<v Speaker 2>was still with him, so that when I was finally done,

0:41:24.010 --> 0:41:26.370
<v Speaker 2>ready to pull the pin, it was easy to walk away.

0:41:27.250 --> 0:41:30.690
<v Speaker 1>She cut all contact with him, despite his endless attempts

0:41:30.690 --> 0:41:33.210
<v Speaker 1>to call and text. He was trying to say sorry,

0:41:33.250 --> 0:41:36.010
<v Speaker 1>to again, say he'd change and work on it, but

0:41:36.130 --> 0:41:38.850
<v Speaker 1>Claire had had enough. After a couple of weeks, she

0:41:38.890 --> 0:41:41.570
<v Speaker 1>agreed to meet up with him for one last conversation,

0:41:41.970 --> 0:41:44.890
<v Speaker 1>but she was staunch it was only for her own closure.

0:41:45.250 --> 0:41:46.050
<v Speaker 3>I went in there.

0:41:46.250 --> 0:41:48.850
<v Speaker 2>We met up at a car park and I jumped

0:41:48.850 --> 0:41:52.850
<v Speaker 2>in his car and he's sitting there hysterically crying, and

0:41:52.930 --> 0:41:55.570
<v Speaker 2>I was the ice princess like. I did not touch him,

0:41:55.650 --> 0:41:57.530
<v Speaker 2>I did not comfort him, which for him would have

0:41:57.530 --> 0:42:00.130
<v Speaker 2>been an absolute shock, because every other six times I've tried

0:42:00.170 --> 0:42:03.250
<v Speaker 2>to break up with him, he had me comforting him.

0:42:03.290 --> 0:42:05.410
<v Speaker 2>So I think then he knew, oh my God, like

0:42:05.850 --> 0:42:09.210
<v Speaker 2>this is real. I let loose on him. I went

0:42:09.250 --> 0:42:11.690
<v Speaker 2>in there with every point I need to have. I

0:42:11.770 --> 0:42:14.850
<v Speaker 2>needed him to know everything i'd felt of that three

0:42:14.890 --> 0:42:17.130
<v Speaker 2>and a half years, everything he'd put me through. I

0:42:17.250 --> 0:42:19.850
<v Speaker 2>was angry, and I don't think I was ever angry.

0:42:19.890 --> 0:42:23.810
<v Speaker 2>I was usually quite a placid, quite a reserved when

0:42:23.850 --> 0:42:26.050
<v Speaker 2>it came to our arguments because of how he reacted,

0:42:26.130 --> 0:42:28.170
<v Speaker 2>because at the end of the day, I was always

0:42:28.170 --> 0:42:32.170
<v Speaker 2>scared of his reaction to me. So to go in

0:42:32.210 --> 0:42:34.610
<v Speaker 2>there with so much anger and fuel in my belly

0:42:34.650 --> 0:42:36.570
<v Speaker 2>and just be like, you are a piece of shit,

0:42:37.290 --> 0:42:39.810
<v Speaker 2>and yeah, I absolutely tore him a new one. And

0:42:40.530 --> 0:42:43.730
<v Speaker 2>he sat there and apologized and said all the things

0:42:43.730 --> 0:42:45.850
<v Speaker 2>that he used to say to, you know, try and

0:42:45.850 --> 0:42:49.650
<v Speaker 2>make me consider getting back with him. And I just

0:42:49.690 --> 0:42:53.010
<v Speaker 2>sat there the ice princess and just said, are you done?

0:42:53.690 --> 0:42:55.370
<v Speaker 3>And then he said I'm done?

0:42:55.490 --> 0:42:58.010
<v Speaker 2>And I said, okay, well I'm going and I opened

0:42:58.050 --> 0:43:00.850
<v Speaker 2>the door and he just said, there's just one more thing,

0:43:01.570 --> 0:43:04.090
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, here we go, and he plugs

0:43:04.130 --> 0:43:07.570
<v Speaker 2>in his USB twas ORCS cord and started to play

0:43:08.050 --> 0:43:10.650
<v Speaker 2>just Want to Be with You asking musical two and

0:43:10.730 --> 0:43:15.650
<v Speaker 2>started singing at the top of his lungs like I

0:43:15.730 --> 0:43:18.290
<v Speaker 2>genuinely thought I'd been to a musical theater performance. Like

0:43:18.370 --> 0:43:21.450
<v Speaker 2>it was bizarre to the point where I'm like, this

0:43:21.530 --> 0:43:26.010
<v Speaker 2>is actually like embarrassing. The context of that is we

0:43:26.090 --> 0:43:27.970
<v Speaker 2>loved Tysko musicol. We used to sing it all the

0:43:27.970 --> 0:43:29.570
<v Speaker 2>time in the car, so there was a little bit

0:43:29.570 --> 0:43:32.690
<v Speaker 2>of romance to that, but it was honestly appalling, like

0:43:32.770 --> 0:43:34.970
<v Speaker 2>to think that, you know what, this is my one

0:43:35.090 --> 0:43:36.010
<v Speaker 2>way to get her back.

0:43:36.130 --> 0:43:38.610
<v Speaker 3>I'm going to go full Troy Bolton on her. And

0:43:39.450 --> 0:43:40.170
<v Speaker 3>it didn't work.

0:43:40.330 --> 0:43:42.010
<v Speaker 2>When he knew and I didn't come in for the

0:43:42.450 --> 0:43:44.850
<v Speaker 2>sweet melody of just want to be with you, he knew, Yeah,

0:43:44.970 --> 0:43:46.130
<v Speaker 2>I was done.

0:43:47.210 --> 0:43:50.450
<v Speaker 1>Finally, after three and a half years, Claire was free,

0:43:50.810 --> 0:43:52.370
<v Speaker 1>breaking free, if you will.

0:43:52.770 --> 0:43:54.650
<v Speaker 3>He was still messaging me.

0:43:54.850 --> 0:43:58.050
<v Speaker 2>I think I had slept with someone a couple weeks

0:43:58.090 --> 0:44:03.650
<v Speaker 2>after and he had found out, and he came in swinging.

0:44:03.730 --> 0:44:04.810
<v Speaker 3>He was so angry.

0:44:05.450 --> 0:44:08.770
<v Speaker 2>The audacity on him to come at me and say,

0:44:09.050 --> 0:44:10.890
<v Speaker 2>you know you're moving on too fast.

0:44:11.370 --> 0:44:13.330
<v Speaker 3>You know, how could you not consider me in this?

0:44:13.530 --> 0:44:16.170
<v Speaker 2>And I was just like, you were doing this while

0:44:16.170 --> 0:44:18.010
<v Speaker 2>we were together for three and a half years, like

0:44:18.010 --> 0:44:21.130
<v Speaker 2>the autacity for you to come at me right now

0:44:21.970 --> 0:44:23.930
<v Speaker 2>for doing something like I remember saying to him, like

0:44:24.010 --> 0:44:25.970
<v Speaker 2>I did this because I wanted to like as much

0:44:25.970 --> 0:44:27.410
<v Speaker 2>as you want it to be about you, It's not

0:44:27.730 --> 0:44:29.930
<v Speaker 2>like I wanted to go and do this. It's got

0:44:29.970 --> 0:44:32.170
<v Speaker 2>nothing to do with you anymore. So I shut him

0:44:32.170 --> 0:44:34.490
<v Speaker 2>down pretty quick. But I think he just wanted to

0:44:34.490 --> 0:44:37.330
<v Speaker 2>stay relevant in any way he could. I remember my

0:44:37.450 --> 0:44:39.290
<v Speaker 2>last message to him. I just sent him sort of

0:44:39.330 --> 0:44:41.530
<v Speaker 2>a big paragraph and that was just like, do not

0:44:41.650 --> 0:44:43.690
<v Speaker 2>take me as sending this message and me wanting any

0:44:43.690 --> 0:44:46.330
<v Speaker 2>formal contact. I'm telling you now you need to leave

0:44:46.330 --> 0:44:47.850
<v Speaker 2>me alone or I'll block your number.

0:44:47.930 --> 0:44:50.050
<v Speaker 3>Like I was so stern. I was so done.

0:44:50.690 --> 0:44:53.170
<v Speaker 2>I don't think I really understood the impact of this

0:44:53.290 --> 0:44:57.570
<v Speaker 2>relationship until getting into my next one, which wasn't until

0:44:57.650 --> 0:45:01.690
<v Speaker 2>six years after. So I steered clear of relationships and

0:45:01.810 --> 0:45:04.810
<v Speaker 2>situationships from that For a good reason.

0:45:04.850 --> 0:45:06.090
<v Speaker 3>I had no interest in it.

0:45:06.250 --> 0:45:09.290
<v Speaker 2>I think I had a lot of self discovery to

0:45:09.330 --> 0:45:12.450
<v Speaker 2>do a lot of self estee in building to do.

0:45:12.570 --> 0:45:14.650
<v Speaker 2>And I think I knew I very well wasn't ready

0:45:14.650 --> 0:45:17.850
<v Speaker 2>to get into a relationship anytime soon. My friends still

0:45:17.850 --> 0:45:19.530
<v Speaker 2>talk about it, We still laugh about all the stuff

0:45:19.530 --> 0:45:22.290
<v Speaker 2>that happened and how crazy I was for not walking

0:45:22.290 --> 0:45:25.090
<v Speaker 2>away and how brainwashed I was, and we always laughed

0:45:25.090 --> 0:45:27.090
<v Speaker 2>about it. But it wasn't until, you know, I got

0:45:27.130 --> 0:45:30.290
<v Speaker 2>into this new relationship and I have all these trust

0:45:30.330 --> 0:45:32.970
<v Speaker 2>issues from someone that gives me no reason to not

0:45:33.010 --> 0:45:35.890
<v Speaker 2>trust them, and he leaves the phone in his room

0:45:35.890 --> 0:45:39.130
<v Speaker 2>and I just cannot fight, Like all I want to

0:45:39.130 --> 0:45:41.450
<v Speaker 2>do is check it. So yeah, there's a lot of

0:45:42.010 --> 0:45:45.410
<v Speaker 2>trust issues that I have to.

0:45:45.330 --> 0:45:47.330
<v Speaker 3>Deal with and am still dealing with.

0:45:47.810 --> 0:45:51.210
<v Speaker 2>But yeah, I think the years after were I'd never

0:45:51.250 --> 0:45:52.410
<v Speaker 2>really thought about him again.

0:45:52.570 --> 0:45:53.930
<v Speaker 3>To be honest, like I was.

0:45:54.570 --> 0:45:57.650
<v Speaker 2>We ended in March of twenty nineteen, and then I

0:45:57.690 --> 0:46:00.450
<v Speaker 2>packed up and moved to Sydney in October of twenty nineteen,

0:46:00.570 --> 0:46:02.290
<v Speaker 2>so I never saw him.

0:46:02.610 --> 0:46:03.130
<v Speaker 3>It was great.

0:46:03.210 --> 0:46:04.930
<v Speaker 2>I never saw him. I never really had to hear

0:46:04.970 --> 0:46:07.850
<v Speaker 2>from him. I didn't have to hear about him. Actually

0:46:07.890 --> 0:46:09.890
<v Speaker 2>found out he started working in a sex shop once

0:46:09.890 --> 0:46:10.690
<v Speaker 2>I left, which is.

0:46:10.610 --> 0:46:12.050
<v Speaker 3>On brand good for him him.

0:46:12.810 --> 0:46:16.530
<v Speaker 2>He obviously would come home, go home every year for Christmas.

0:46:17.010 --> 0:46:19.570
<v Speaker 2>The first couple of years, he would message me and

0:46:19.650 --> 0:46:23.210
<v Speaker 2>ask for me to catch up, and obviously that's like

0:46:23.250 --> 0:46:28.090
<v Speaker 2>he's absolutely dreaming. I would run into him occasionally at

0:46:28.130 --> 0:46:30.490
<v Speaker 2>things like I think there was one time where I

0:46:30.530 --> 0:46:33.570
<v Speaker 2>just avoided him, like the plague, and then the second

0:46:33.570 --> 0:46:35.690
<v Speaker 2>time it was at an event and he sort of

0:46:35.810 --> 0:46:37.330
<v Speaker 2>got me in a corner with one of my best

0:46:37.370 --> 0:46:41.090
<v Speaker 2>friends and told me how much he regretted it and

0:46:41.170 --> 0:46:43.490
<v Speaker 2>how much he loved me and wasn't going to find

0:46:43.490 --> 0:46:45.770
<v Speaker 2>anyone like me. And keep in mind, this is like

0:46:45.850 --> 0:46:48.370
<v Speaker 2>five years or four years after we'd broken up, Like

0:46:48.450 --> 0:46:51.890
<v Speaker 2>he's still will corner me, and he was still to

0:46:51.970 --> 0:46:54.570
<v Speaker 2>this day messaged me every single day every single year

0:46:54.570 --> 0:46:57.010
<v Speaker 2>on my birthday, a big paragraph happy.

0:46:56.730 --> 0:46:59.690
<v Speaker 3>Birthday, like say hew, do your mom like all that stuff?

0:46:59.730 --> 0:47:05.330
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, go away. So he wants me to never

0:47:05.370 --> 0:47:05.930
<v Speaker 3>get over him.

0:47:06.610 --> 0:47:08.970
<v Speaker 2>I know most people don't end up with their high

0:47:08.970 --> 0:47:13.010
<v Speaker 2>school boyfriends, and I think it was such an intense

0:47:13.490 --> 0:47:15.570
<v Speaker 2>thing to go through at such a young age, and

0:47:15.730 --> 0:47:21.170
<v Speaker 2>the toxicity of it was so unimaginable. And I think

0:47:21.650 --> 0:47:25.570
<v Speaker 2>to be under such intense situations at such a young age,

0:47:25.890 --> 0:47:29.770
<v Speaker 2>you don't really know how to deal with it. At

0:47:29.770 --> 0:47:31.450
<v Speaker 2>the end of the day, I can look back on

0:47:31.490 --> 0:47:34.090
<v Speaker 2>it and there's a lot that I can take from,

0:47:34.210 --> 0:47:36.290
<v Speaker 2>a lot I can learn from it. But I am

0:47:36.530 --> 0:47:39.730
<v Speaker 2>happy and I take everything as a learning moment. And

0:47:40.090 --> 0:47:42.970
<v Speaker 2>to be honest, as horrible as it was, it has

0:47:43.010 --> 0:47:46.650
<v Speaker 2>shaped me to who I am. I am very resilient now.

0:47:46.850 --> 0:47:49.890
<v Speaker 2>I can take a lot of emotional hits in day

0:47:49.930 --> 0:47:52.290
<v Speaker 2>to day life, and as much as it sucked at

0:47:52.330 --> 0:47:55.810
<v Speaker 2>the time, I can thank him for that. I'm such strong,

0:47:56.090 --> 0:47:59.330
<v Speaker 2>such an independent, such a vocal person.

0:47:59.490 --> 0:48:02.410
<v Speaker 3>So you know, when I'm telling people about this story.

0:48:02.170 --> 0:48:05.450
<v Speaker 2>They're just like, I can't imagine you being that situation,

0:48:05.490 --> 0:48:09.450
<v Speaker 2>And people genuinely are and disbelief. And it's just because

0:48:09.490 --> 0:48:11.570
<v Speaker 2>at the end of the day, I wasn't that per

0:48:11.890 --> 0:48:13.610
<v Speaker 2>that I was like, I am who I am now

0:48:13.650 --> 0:48:14.890
<v Speaker 2>because of what I went through.

0:48:15.250 --> 0:48:16.250
<v Speaker 3>But yeah, it is.

0:48:16.770 --> 0:48:18.690
<v Speaker 2>It has very much shaped me to be a very

0:48:18.810 --> 0:48:22.210
<v Speaker 2>strong and assertive person. But yeah, I would never ever

0:48:22.450 --> 0:48:25.130
<v Speaker 2>put up with that again. And I have such high

0:48:25.130 --> 0:48:28.770
<v Speaker 2>standards for a relationship now I can safely say I

0:48:28.810 --> 0:48:30.810
<v Speaker 2>will never watch High School Musical two again.

0:48:31.690 --> 0:48:34.490
<v Speaker 3>Just walk away and don't look back.

0:48:51.970 --> 0:48:54.890
<v Speaker 1>Everyone has an ex is a Minti Media production and

0:48:54.970 --> 0:48:57.850
<v Speaker 1>proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written

0:48:57.890 --> 0:49:01.530
<v Speaker 1>and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

0:49:01.770 --> 0:49:05.210
<v Speaker 1>If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,

0:49:05.330 --> 0:49:07.890
<v Speaker 1>writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can

0:49:07.930 --> 0:49:10.730
<v Speaker 1>also follow us on Instagram and everyone has an X

0:49:11.050 --> 0:49:12.890
<v Speaker 1>And if you have a story you'd like to share,

0:49:12.930 --> 0:49:15.890
<v Speaker 1>you can contact us that everyone has an exit mintimedia

0:49:15.930 --> 0:49:19.450
<v Speaker 1>dot com dot you or submissions at mamamea dot com

0:49:19.450 --> 0:49:22.370
<v Speaker 1>dot you with the word submission in the subject field.