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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mum and mea podcast. Muma Mea

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Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. This

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Speaker 1: podcast is recorded on It's often said we women have

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Speaker 1: a sixth sense. Our guts are strong and can play

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Speaker 1: a big part in whether we trust someone or not.

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Speaker 2: Behavior change says a lot about someone, especially when you're

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Speaker 2: in such a good relationship and all of that changes.

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Speaker 2: I think that spoke wonders, So yeah, I think a

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Speaker 2: part of me did know that something was going on

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Speaker 2: and that I wanted to figure out what it was.

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Speaker 1: But a gut instinct is an evidence. Can our bodies

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Speaker 1: buy tricks on us? We can choose to ignore, to

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Speaker 1: live with the icky feelings, or we can choose to

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Speaker 1: confront them head on.

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Speaker 2: And I said to him, I have found out some

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Speaker 2: information about you, and I need you to tell me

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Speaker 2: the truth. And if you tell me the truth now,

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Speaker 2: we can work through this, and we can work through

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Speaker 2: this together. But if you light on my face, I

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Speaker 2: will walk away right now. And he just looked at

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Speaker 2: me and went completely white and just started hysterically crying

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Speaker 2: and saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry, and just owned it.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who live them now. Dear listener,

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Speaker 1: We've brought your stories before about young love, but this

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Speaker 1: one might just take the cake. Claire and Patrick were

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Speaker 1: just sixteen when they met, not even in their final

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Speaker 1: years of high school. When they got together.

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Speaker 2: We were talking for a few months and sort of

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Speaker 2: seeing each other very casually, as you can imagine in

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Speaker 2: year ten it's quite casual. And then like three or

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Speaker 2: four months in, he just called it quits and he

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Speaker 2: was just like, I only see you as a friend.

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Speaker 2: I was absolutely heartbroken, Like I was. I thought this

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Speaker 2: boy was gonna be my first boyfriend, and I was

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Speaker 2: so excited, and then he just kind of was like,

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Speaker 2: I just see you as a friend. It honestly took

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Speaker 2: me about a year to get over him. Like I

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Speaker 2: would see him out at parties and I would do

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Speaker 2: anything I could to get his attention.

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Speaker 3: I would talk to his friends.

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Speaker 2: He just had absolutely no no interest in me anymore.

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Speaker 2: And it wasn't until probably like a year after that

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Speaker 2: where I'd finally gotten over him, and I knew that

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Speaker 2: because I saw him at a party and he said hi,

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Speaker 2: and I was so disinterested, and for the first time ever,

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Speaker 2: I went, I actually don't care that you're here. It

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Speaker 2: was so freeing because I was like, I'm actually over

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Speaker 2: this guy after a year. And you know they say

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Speaker 2: they come crawling back when they know you've moved on,

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Speaker 2: and he came crawling back. He started messaging me again

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Speaker 2: and wanting to hang out. I was pretty disinterested, but

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Speaker 2: he was persistent, and I was like, Okay, we can

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Speaker 2: give this another crack. I realized that I wasn't actually

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Speaker 2: over him. I wanted to be, but yeah, there's always

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Speaker 2: a little part of me that had that tiny bit

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Speaker 2: of hope that we would get back together because I

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Speaker 2: really really.

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Speaker 3: Did like him.

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Speaker 2: It was end of year eleven when we started officially dating,

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Speaker 2: became boyfriend and girlfriend, and I had my first ever boyfriend.

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Speaker 2: I honestly was infactuated. He was such an amazing person.

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Speaker 2: He was just the cool guy. Everyone when they found

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Speaker 2: out I was dating him, like it was like, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, you're dating Patrick. That's so cool, Like it

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Speaker 2: was quite a cool thing. Like he was just known

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Speaker 2: to be one of those amazing guys. He had a

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Speaker 2: really good reputation, so everyone that spoke to me literally

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Speaker 2: had only good words to say about him. He genuinely

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Speaker 2: was so caring, so loving. He had put a lot

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Speaker 2: of thought into our relationship. So when I finished my exams,

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Speaker 2: he'd come over and drop me care packages like bathrobe

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Speaker 2: or chocolates and things like that. So he really was,

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Speaker 2: on paper, a perfect boyfriend. The first year was honestly amazing,

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Speaker 2: Like I think it set the standard for what I

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Speaker 2: wanted to be treated like. I would sneak out on

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Speaker 2: school nights and he'd pick me up and would sleep

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Speaker 2: in the back of his car because we weren't allowed sleepovers.

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Speaker 3: In year twelve, he'd plan these romantic dates.

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Speaker 2: On Valentine's Day, he would take me down to their

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Speaker 2: favorite beach with a picnic rug and everything. Pretty much

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Speaker 2: everything you'd want as a seventeen year old from a relationship.

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Speaker 3: He was giving like pen to paper.

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Speaker 2: He had everything that you'd want for So yeah, it

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Speaker 2: was honestly so amazing. It was a feeling of I've

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Speaker 2: found my person. I was convinced I was going to

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Speaker 2: marry him, like it felt so right, and I had

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Speaker 2: a lot of friends that were in relationships that weren't

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Speaker 2: being treated the same way as I was. So I

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Speaker 2: felt so lucky and so special for being treated like that,

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Speaker 2: and very grateful for it.

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Speaker 1: But they were young, and young people often make mistakes

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Speaker 1: while they're bumbling through what life is meant to look

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Speaker 1: like beyond all you've ever known.

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Speaker 3: For all those years at school, at.

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Speaker 2: The end of year twelve, when we went to schoolies,

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Speaker 2: or what we call levers, we actually went to separate leavers,

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Speaker 2: which was a shame because obviously you're celebrating finishing high

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Speaker 2: school and you want to be doing that with your person.

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Speaker 3: But we both knew that wasn't going to happen because our.

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Speaker 2: Friends were going different places and it was over that period.

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Speaker 2: I honestly had no insecurities or any doubts at that time,

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Speaker 2: because I was never given a reason to.

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Speaker 3: But it was when I came back from school is

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Speaker 3: and saw.

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Speaker 2: Him for the first time, I just knew that something

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Speaker 2: had happened and everything had changed, his whole mannerisms, even

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Speaker 2: just the look in his eyes, like it was like

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Speaker 2: I was talking to an entirely different person. So I

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Speaker 2: got to his house and he had a black eye,

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Speaker 2: which I am a little princess, like I hate fist fights.

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Speaker 2: That was always something I said to him because high

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Speaker 2: school boys sometimes get drunk and do stupid things, and

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Speaker 2: I always laid out the carts, do not get involved

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Speaker 2: in fist fights.

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Speaker 3: It's disgusting. So he had a black eye and.

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Speaker 2: He said to me, I ran into a door, which

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Speaker 2: was straight up a very bizarre thing to say. And

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Speaker 2: he's just very withdrawn, like, wasn't treating me the same.

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Speaker 2: His mannerisms were different, his behaviors were different. And then

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Speaker 2: after a lot of investigating and persistence from my end,

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Speaker 2: he finally admitted that he wasn't a dool and that

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Speaker 2: he got in a punch up with someone in school.

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Speaker 2: It was probably like a couple of months where he

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Speaker 2: was different. He was really really withdrawn. His behaviors were different.

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Speaker 2: He just wasn't putting in the effort as much. And

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Speaker 2: to be honest, I didn't think much of it at

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Speaker 2: the time. I thought, it's a big life change. We

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Speaker 2: were in school, you know, before that, and now we've

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Speaker 2: got all this freedom where we're both eighteen, Like, there's

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Speaker 2: a lot of change happening in our lives. So I

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Speaker 2: think I kind of put those behavior changes to that.

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Speaker 3: But it wasn't.

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Speaker 2: Until I was out at a like a day event

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Speaker 2: with all my girlfriends and I had a friend of

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Speaker 2: mine come up to me, like pull me out of

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Speaker 2: the moshpit and be like, just want to let you

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Speaker 2: know that Patrick is sending notes to my friend. My

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Speaker 2: stomach sunk, but I just still did not believe that

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Speaker 2: he was capable of that. I knew how much he

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Speaker 2: loved me, so I was just like, I just didn't

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Speaker 2: believe that he would be capable of doing that. But

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Speaker 2: it's also a very very bizarre allegation for someone to make.

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Speaker 2: There's no motive for her as have said any of that.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, I think a part of me believed it,

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Speaker 2: but the majority of me just was in deny and

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Speaker 2: was like, he's not capable of that, and there must

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Speaker 2: be some other reason or some confusion here. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I just kind of enjoyed my night the best that

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Speaker 2: I could with my girlfriends. I stayed for a couple

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Speaker 2: of hours, but obviously my mind was busy, so my

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Speaker 2: cousin and I went back to her house and I

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Speaker 2: gave him a call and asked him about what I

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Speaker 2: had heard about the snapchats with this girl, and immediately

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Speaker 2: he was angry, so angry that I would even believe

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Speaker 2: someone over him, and that I would even think that

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Speaker 2: he was capable of something like that. So my reaction

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Speaker 2: for believing and being upset over what I had heard

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Speaker 2: was the problem, not the fact that I had heard

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Speaker 2: that or that he had done that. So yeah, it

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Speaker 2: was a big, big blowout where he was so angry

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Speaker 2: and upset with me for pretty much accusing him, and

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Speaker 2: I pretty much spent the next like two three days

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Speaker 2: apologizing and making up.

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Speaker 3: To him in every way that I could.

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Speaker 2: You know, he put up the silent treatment on me

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Speaker 2: for a couple of days, and I hate the silent

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Speaker 2: treatment so much it literally drives me insane. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: I ended up apologizing and making it up to him,

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Speaker 2: and from there on he was like, Okay, he wasn't

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Speaker 2: happy that I believe someone that I hardly knew over him,

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Speaker 2: which at the time made sense to me because my

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Speaker 2: loyalties and my trust sat with him, so I shouldn't

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Speaker 2: have believed a stranger over my boyfriend who had proven

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Speaker 2: nothing to me that he would ever do that. He'd

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Speaker 2: never broken my trust before, so to doubt him based

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Speaker 2: off what I had heard from pretty much a stranger,

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Speaker 2: did seem wrong. Once he kind of presented that point

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Speaker 2: to me, he started acting a little bit back to normal.

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Speaker 2: But that pit in my stomach never left. Once that

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Speaker 2: seed has been planted in your head, you always are

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Speaker 2: going to have a tiny seed of doubt. And although

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Speaker 2: I didn't believe that he had done it, there was

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Speaker 2: always that inkling but what if? So has any investigated

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Speaker 2: girlfriend would do. He was in the shower one day

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Speaker 2: and I just thought, the only way I'm going to

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Speaker 2: crush this is by going into his phone and just

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Speaker 2: checking his snapchat best friends to see if that girl's

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Speaker 2: name was there. I fought it for a long time

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Speaker 2: because maybe I didn't.

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Speaker 3: Want to see what was in there.

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Speaker 2: Every time I was with him and the phone was

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Speaker 2: left in the room, I thought about it, but I

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Speaker 2: think there's that element of breaking their trust. It's a

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Speaker 2: very big invasion of privacy going on someone's phone. So

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Speaker 2: I think I fought it for as long as I could.

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Speaker 2: But after a couple of months of just continually always

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Speaker 2: thinking that what if and just wanting to know the

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Speaker 2: answers and the truth, I just bit the bullet and

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Speaker 2: had to look for myself.

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Speaker 3: So he was in the shower.

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Speaker 2: And I on his phone, and to my surprise, all

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Speaker 2: six of his snapchat best friends were females. He went

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Speaker 2: to a co ed school. Having a lot of female

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Speaker 2: friends is not a red flag to me. I honestly

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Speaker 2: find that I really liked that about him because I

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Speaker 2: knew a lot of his girlfriends, but there were none

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Speaker 2: of his girlfriends on this six best friends, so there

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Speaker 2: was not one name that I recognized, so they were

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Speaker 2: all complete strangers' names, and one of the girls was

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Speaker 2: the one from the accusation. My heart was literally beating

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Speaker 2: out my chest, like you know that sinking feeling where

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Speaker 2: you literally feel like you're gonna be sick. And he

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Speaker 2: came back in and I was completely withdrawn. My face

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Speaker 2: was bright red, I was sweating, So he knew that

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Speaker 2: something was up. Even if I didn't want to bring

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Speaker 2: up with him, he would have been able to get

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Speaker 2: it out of me because of the way that I

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Speaker 2: was acting. So I just told him, I said, I

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Speaker 2: went on your snapchat and I've seen all of these girls,

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Speaker 2: including the girl that you know I was told about

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Speaker 2: this party, and straightway it was fine. He was so

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Speaker 2: angry at me for going through his phone. He was

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Speaker 2: so angry at me for being so insecure, for doubting

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Speaker 2: him for having girlfriends. I was the problem because I

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Speaker 2: was controlling.

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Speaker 3: He pretty much.

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Speaker 2: Flipped it on me to say I wasn't allowing him

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Speaker 2: to have girls that were friends, so that I was

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Speaker 2: the problem in this situation, and that I've got no

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Speaker 2: evidence to say that these messages with these girls aren't

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Speaker 2: friendly because I know that he has a lot of girlfriends.

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Speaker 2: He completely flipped the script. I started doubting myself, being like, wait,

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Speaker 2: but what if he is telling the truth. I know

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Speaker 2: that he does have a lot of girls that are friends.

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Speaker 2: What if I actually am just being really insecure now?

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Speaker 2: And it just makes you doubt yourself because you're like,

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Speaker 2: I actually don't have any physical proof here, so I

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Speaker 2: can't know for sure just because I'm seeing these girls' names,

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Speaker 2: they could just be friends, like he's saying. So again,

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Speaker 2: I didn't have that concrete evidence that I think I

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Speaker 2: was after, and he was just so good with making

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Speaker 2: it like I was the one that had the problem.

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00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,610
Speaker 2: I was the one that was insecure. And I left

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Speaker 2: that conversation again apologizing I was sorry for going through

248
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Speaker 2: his phone. I was sorry for doubting him and convincing

249
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Speaker 2: him that I'm not controlling and that I'm happy with

250
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Speaker 2: him having girlfriends and I love that he has girlfriends.

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Speaker 3: I felt guilty, I did.

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Speaker 2: I think it is such an invasion of privacy to

253
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Speaker 2: go through someone's phone, and that was against my own

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Speaker 2: sort of morals to do that. So, you know, to

255
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Speaker 2: have him angry at me for doing that, that made

256
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Speaker 2: me feel very very guilty. It did also make me

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Speaker 2: feel guilty that I did question him again.

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Speaker 3: That period.

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Speaker 2: It was pretty rocky. I was very very insecure. I'm

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Speaker 2: very doubtful. I ended up messaging one of the girls

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Speaker 2: that I saw on the snapchat names. The amount of

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Speaker 2: hay girl messages I send, like, honestly, I couldn't count

263
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Speaker 2: on ten hands, Like I sent so many shameful messages

264
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Speaker 2: of hey girl, like I know you've been snapchatting so

265
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Speaker 2: and so, just wondering is it flirty? So I did

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Speaker 2: the hay girl message to one of these girls and

267
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Speaker 2: she was like, yeah, like it's a bit flirty, but

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Speaker 2: no nudes or anything.

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Speaker 3: It's been exchanged.

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Speaker 2: So that to me was my reassurance that Okay, maybe

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Speaker 2: he is just being friendly with these girls, because this

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Speaker 2: is one of the girls I picked up the list

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Speaker 2: and she had told me that there was no nude sending.

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Speaker 2: It was just flirty. And you know, he's a friendly,

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Speaker 2: charismatic guy. His friendliness can be perceived as flirty, or

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Speaker 2: at least you know, that's sort of how I put

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Speaker 2: it in my own head. He just continually, I guess,

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Speaker 2: reassured me in a sense, like I had his phone

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Speaker 2: pass code, and he always left his phone in the room,

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Speaker 2: which is such a green flag, which is bizarre considering

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Speaker 2: you know, he was snapchatting these girls, so you know,

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Speaker 2: leaving the phone in the room, giving me his pass codes.

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Speaker 1: So they moved on. Claire believed him and trusted him,

284
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Speaker 1: so there was no point harping on it. Their relationship

285
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Speaker 1: could go back to being the wonderful, happy and fun

286
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Speaker 1: one it had always.

287
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:07,650
Speaker 2: Been before I was going to UNI, and he was

288
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:10,490
Speaker 2: sort of doing nothing, to be honest, and I think

289
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,810
Speaker 2: that was another big shift in his behavior because at

290
00:14:13,850 --> 00:14:16,370
Speaker 2: school he was so driven, he was so motivated, He

291
00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:18,810
Speaker 2: had all these aspirations about what he wanted to do

292
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Speaker 2: in life, and then all of a sudden, you know,

293
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Speaker 2: he's finished school, He also got into smoking a lot

294
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Speaker 2: of weed once finishing school, because I think he had

295
00:14:27,650 --> 00:14:29,970
Speaker 2: a lot of spare time. And when I say smoking

296
00:14:29,970 --> 00:14:31,850
Speaker 2: a lot of weed, it was every day. It was

297
00:14:31,890 --> 00:14:34,690
Speaker 2: smoking to wake up, smoking to go to sleep, and

298
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Speaker 2: he just lost all drive and all motivations. So he

299
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Speaker 2: was you know, I was a very driven person, so

300
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Speaker 2: I was always like, let's go to UNI, like let's

301
00:14:42,850 --> 00:14:44,810
Speaker 2: figure this out what you want to do. And you know,

302
00:14:44,850 --> 00:14:47,410
Speaker 2: we enrolled him into a class, into a course, and

303
00:14:47,770 --> 00:14:50,090
Speaker 2: he started that but then ended up dropping out. So

304
00:14:50,530 --> 00:14:54,090
Speaker 2: we were at this stage at very different lifestyles. There

305
00:14:54,130 --> 00:14:59,450
Speaker 2: was obviously a lot of issues from then, Like he

306
00:14:59,570 --> 00:15:03,930
Speaker 2: started to get very jealous and very insecure about me,

307
00:15:04,210 --> 00:15:08,450
Speaker 2: so he started making all these wild accusations about me cheating,

308
00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:12,290
Speaker 2: which is was just bizarre because I I pride myself

309
00:15:12,290 --> 00:15:14,690
Speaker 2: of being loyal and I've never done anything to make

310
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Speaker 2: him think that, and my behaviors had never changed. But

311
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Speaker 2: all of a sudden, he was getting upset with me

312
00:15:19,930 --> 00:15:23,010
Speaker 2: for talking to this person out or smiling at this

313
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Speaker 2: person or laughing at someone. Like I've never seen someone

314
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Speaker 2: so jealous and protective of.

315
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Speaker 3: Me with other men.

316
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Speaker 2: He accused me and my best friend's partner who is

317
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Speaker 2: one of my best friends still to this day. So

318
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Speaker 2: we were kind of like a double dates all the time.

319
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Speaker 2: We started dating around the same time. We did everything together.

320
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Speaker 2: On Valentine's Day, they took us four you know, couples

321
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Speaker 2: retreat sort of thing. We did everything together. He used

322
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Speaker 2: to say to me, the way you look at this person,

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Speaker 2: you've got a sparkle in your eye. You don't look

324
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Speaker 2: at you don't look at me the same way you

325
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,930
Speaker 2: look at him. And I was like, I don't get

326
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Speaker 2: what you're talking about. This is my best friend's boyfriend

327
00:16:04,290 --> 00:16:06,370
Speaker 2: of three years, Like where is this coming from? And

328
00:16:06,410 --> 00:16:08,490
Speaker 2: he was like, you have a sparkle in your eye

329
00:16:08,690 --> 00:16:10,610
Speaker 2: when you look at him. And that's when we were

330
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Speaker 2: just like, he's lost the plot. How can you think

331
00:16:14,650 --> 00:16:17,570
Speaker 2: that when it's my best friend's partner and also your

332
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:19,610
Speaker 2: best friend at the same time. So that's when the

333
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,810
Speaker 2: cheating allegations are towards me. I was like, Okay, this

334
00:16:22,850 --> 00:16:25,690
Speaker 2: is kind of getting out of control. We were both

335
00:16:25,690 --> 00:16:28,250
Speaker 2: still living at home. We're probably staying together like three

336
00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:32,010
Speaker 2: four nights a week. I always wanted more because I

337
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:34,130
Speaker 2: think in my head, deep down, I knew if he

338
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:37,210
Speaker 2: was with me, he wouldn't be messaging other girls because

339
00:16:37,250 --> 00:16:40,810
Speaker 2: I actually caught him another time separate to the Snubtat time,

340
00:16:41,290 --> 00:16:44,050
Speaker 2: I was on his laptop while he was doing something

341
00:16:44,090 --> 00:16:46,450
Speaker 2: and I went on his Facebook messenger and I saw

342
00:16:47,170 --> 00:16:49,570
Speaker 2: lots of messages with these random girls which were just

343
00:16:50,370 --> 00:16:52,970
Speaker 2: trying to get them to come over or to see him.

344
00:16:53,410 --> 00:16:57,170
Speaker 2: I confronted him about these as well, and he just

345
00:16:57,250 --> 00:17:02,490
Speaker 2: started hysterically crying. Was just like he didn't mean it.

346
00:17:02,490 --> 00:17:05,730
Speaker 2: It was when he smoked weed. He couldn't help the

347
00:17:05,810 --> 00:17:08,890
Speaker 2: desire to want to message women, but he never would

348
00:17:08,970 --> 00:17:11,690
Speaker 2: action it sort of thing. So he was like, I

349
00:17:11,770 --> 00:17:14,050
Speaker 2: really like, I'm never going to cheat on you. I

350
00:17:14,090 --> 00:17:18,050
Speaker 2: just when I'm high, I can't help but message these women.

351
00:17:18,730 --> 00:17:20,890
Speaker 2: I caught him like a couple of times with that,

352
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:23,730
Speaker 2: and it got to the point where he always had

353
00:17:23,730 --> 00:17:26,890
Speaker 2: an excuse and he never had physically cheated, so I

354
00:17:26,890 --> 00:17:28,490
Speaker 2: guess in my head, I was like, we can still

355
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:31,850
Speaker 2: fix this. So at this point, he wanted to give

356
00:17:31,890 --> 00:17:35,330
Speaker 2: me his passwords to everything, so to Facebook, Messager, to Snapchat,

357
00:17:35,370 --> 00:17:38,370
Speaker 2: to Instagram. He wanted me to be have his passwords

358
00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:40,970
Speaker 2: and stay logged in so that he wouldn't have the

359
00:17:41,050 --> 00:17:43,610
Speaker 2: desire or he would have that holding him back from

360
00:17:43,690 --> 00:17:45,450
Speaker 2: messaging girls because he knew that I'd be able to

361
00:17:45,490 --> 00:17:48,570
Speaker 2: see them. So he was very self aware about his

362
00:17:49,330 --> 00:17:53,290
Speaker 2: addiction to get this validation from these girls. I was like,

363
00:17:53,370 --> 00:17:55,970
Speaker 2: he obviously wants to change, like if he's giving me

364
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:58,330
Speaker 2: these passwords, like, this is an issue that he wants

365
00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,210
Speaker 2: to fix with me. So and the messages never led

366
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,210
Speaker 2: to cheating because I could always see them. It was

367
00:18:03,210 --> 00:18:06,290
Speaker 2: always come over. Either the girl would bar him or

368
00:18:06,490 --> 00:18:08,130
Speaker 2: he would not end up not replying. So it was

369
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:10,610
Speaker 2: this weird thing where it's almost like he wanted to

370
00:18:10,610 --> 00:18:13,290
Speaker 2: desire to feel wanted, or he needed validation to know

371
00:18:13,370 --> 00:18:16,570
Speaker 2: that if he were single, these girls would have an

372
00:18:16,570 --> 00:18:20,370
Speaker 2: interest in him. I really loved him, and I wanted

373
00:18:20,410 --> 00:18:21,970
Speaker 2: to be with him, and I wanted to fix it.

374
00:18:22,490 --> 00:18:24,490
Speaker 2: I think a big part of that is because I

375
00:18:24,490 --> 00:18:27,050
Speaker 2: saw his potential in that first year. I saw how

376
00:18:27,090 --> 00:18:29,450
Speaker 2: good he could be and how well he could treat me.

377
00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:31,850
Speaker 2: So I was holding onto that in the hope that

378
00:18:31,850 --> 00:18:33,370
Speaker 2: we could get back there because I knew that that's

379
00:18:33,410 --> 00:18:35,970
Speaker 2: what he was capable of. I wanted to fix him.

380
00:18:36,050 --> 00:18:38,690
Speaker 2: He didn't really have siblings. He had bad relationship with

381
00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:41,930
Speaker 2: his parents. So I really was that person for him,

382
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:44,490
Speaker 2: and I felt like I could help him get back

383
00:18:44,530 --> 00:18:47,050
Speaker 2: on track. I could get him, you know, stop smoking

384
00:18:47,290 --> 00:18:49,690
Speaker 2: off the drugs, you know, get back into UNI. I

385
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,850
Speaker 2: really felt like I could be that person for him.

386
00:18:52,210 --> 00:18:54,570
Speaker 2: I loved him and I loved his potential. I knew

387
00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,810
Speaker 2: what he could be, so I really really held onto that.

388
00:18:57,530 --> 00:19:00,330
Speaker 2: I think it's probably so hard for people to empathize

389
00:19:00,330 --> 00:19:03,010
Speaker 2: with someone who hasn't been in a situation like that,

390
00:19:03,130 --> 00:19:05,890
Speaker 2: because you can't quite get a grasp and like, why

391
00:19:05,930 --> 00:19:08,410
Speaker 2: you wouldn't walk away because it seems so easy just

392
00:19:08,410 --> 00:19:12,450
Speaker 2: walk away. But it's just like when someone has this

393
00:19:12,450 --> 00:19:14,610
Speaker 2: this grasp on you and you know they've built this

394
00:19:14,690 --> 00:19:17,850
Speaker 2: sort of toxic bond with you. They're so reliant on you,

395
00:19:17,930 --> 00:19:20,290
Speaker 2: and I became reliant on him and wanting to help him.

396
00:19:20,650 --> 00:19:23,410
Speaker 1: It was rocky, but Claire was adamant they'd be okay,

397
00:19:23,810 --> 00:19:27,610
Speaker 1: and things were until one night, something weird happened out

398
00:19:27,610 --> 00:19:31,290
Speaker 1: of nowhere. Claire just had this horrible, sinking feeling while

399
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:32,530
Speaker 1: lying in bed next to him.

400
00:19:32,810 --> 00:19:36,290
Speaker 2: We had spent Sunday night together. Honestly, nothing in his

401
00:19:36,410 --> 00:19:41,050
Speaker 2: behaviors would have indicated that something had happened. But yeah,

402
00:19:41,050 --> 00:19:43,050
Speaker 2: we went to bed that night and.

403
00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:45,530
Speaker 3: I just woke up. I struggled to get to sleep

404
00:19:45,610 --> 00:19:46,370
Speaker 3: for quite some time.

405
00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:49,930
Speaker 2: I just just gut feeling and then I woke up

406
00:19:49,970 --> 00:19:51,570
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night just with this sick

407
00:19:51,690 --> 00:19:55,410
Speaker 2: feeling and being like something is wrong, something has happened.

408
00:19:55,930 --> 00:19:58,330
Speaker 2: And they say that gut feelings are Guardian angels, and

409
00:19:58,410 --> 00:20:01,530
Speaker 2: they literally are. I woke him up in the middle

410
00:20:01,530 --> 00:20:05,250
Speaker 2: of the night was like, you've cheated on me. He

411
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:08,010
Speaker 2: was just like straight out the whip, like deny, deny, deny,

412
00:20:08,090 --> 00:20:10,450
Speaker 2: and you're crazy, Like why do you think that? And

413
00:20:10,490 --> 00:20:13,730
Speaker 2: I was just like I just know. Unfortunately, a gut

414
00:20:13,770 --> 00:20:16,930
Speaker 2: feeling isn't evidence. Again, I had that lack of evidence

415
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:17,810
Speaker 2: to really.

416
00:20:17,570 --> 00:20:19,930
Speaker 3: Put in front of him. So it ended up in.

417
00:20:19,850 --> 00:20:21,810
Speaker 2: A big blow up again, and then we ended up

418
00:20:21,850 --> 00:20:23,850
Speaker 2: going to sleep on separate sides of the bed. I

419
00:20:23,970 --> 00:20:27,730
Speaker 2: was in bed crying, and then I had my genius

420
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:30,250
Speaker 2: idea where I was going to pull out the reverse

421
00:20:30,290 --> 00:20:33,890
Speaker 2: psychology on him. He was dropping me home the next

422
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:37,810
Speaker 2: day and I said to him, I have found out

423
00:20:37,810 --> 00:20:40,410
Speaker 2: some information about you, and I need you to tell

424
00:20:40,410 --> 00:20:42,330
Speaker 2: me the truth. And if you tell me the truth.

425
00:20:42,410 --> 00:20:44,570
Speaker 2: Now we can work through this, and we can work

426
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,810
Speaker 2: through this together. But if you light on my face,

427
00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:49,930
Speaker 2: I will walk away right now. And he just looked

428
00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:53,890
Speaker 2: at me and went completely white and just started hysterically

429
00:20:53,930 --> 00:20:57,890
Speaker 2: crying and saying I'm sorry. I had him in my arms.

430
00:20:58,250 --> 00:20:59,770
Speaker 2: I was like patting him on the back and like

431
00:20:59,810 --> 00:21:03,770
Speaker 2: it's okay, it's okay. He was so hysterical about the

432
00:21:03,810 --> 00:21:07,050
Speaker 2: fact that I'd found out, like I need you to

433
00:21:07,050 --> 00:21:08,770
Speaker 2: tell me exactly what happened. So yeah, this point, he

434
00:21:08,810 --> 00:21:10,690
Speaker 2: didn't know what I knew, which was nothing.

435
00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:11,970
Speaker 3: Obviously.

436
00:21:12,330 --> 00:21:14,050
Speaker 2: He was like, I'll just tell her the truth because

437
00:21:14,090 --> 00:21:16,530
Speaker 2: he thought that I had all the information. It was

438
00:21:16,570 --> 00:21:21,050
Speaker 2: a couple weekends prior. His best friend's older sister dropped

439
00:21:21,090 --> 00:21:23,930
Speaker 2: him home after a party. Apparently he was very drunk,

440
00:21:24,090 --> 00:21:26,810
Speaker 2: and she took him inside and then they had sex.

441
00:21:27,650 --> 00:21:30,410
Speaker 2: I honestly would have thought I would have been so devastated,

442
00:21:30,930 --> 00:21:34,130
Speaker 2: but I've never felt so much relief to know that

443
00:21:34,170 --> 00:21:37,530
Speaker 2: I wasn't crazy. It was like a year and a half,

444
00:21:37,530 --> 00:21:40,410
Speaker 2: two years of being like, oh my god, I'm not

445
00:21:40,450 --> 00:21:44,730
Speaker 2: going crazy. I finally had concrete proof and evidence that

446
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:47,810
Speaker 2: I wasn't insane because all of these times I was

447
00:21:47,850 --> 00:21:52,050
Speaker 2: hearing things and I was having half evidence, but I

448
00:21:52,170 --> 00:21:54,530
Speaker 2: never had him own it. I'd never had him admit

449
00:21:54,570 --> 00:21:57,250
Speaker 2: to it. So to finally hear him say I cheated

450
00:21:57,290 --> 00:22:02,290
Speaker 2: on you was like the best relief in the world,

451
00:22:02,410 --> 00:22:04,530
Speaker 2: Like to just know that I wasn't crazy.

452
00:22:05,170 --> 00:22:08,690
Speaker 1: It was then Claire's instincts kicked in. See what we

453
00:22:08,810 --> 00:22:11,650
Speaker 1: haven't mentioned yet is that every time Patrick was confronted

454
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:15,570
Speaker 1: about close concerns of his infidelity, his go to reaction

455
00:22:15,970 --> 00:22:16,530
Speaker 1: was anger.

456
00:22:16,970 --> 00:22:18,930
Speaker 3: He was a very angry, angry person.

457
00:22:18,970 --> 00:22:21,730
Speaker 2: A lot of these big arguments ended up with him

458
00:22:21,850 --> 00:22:25,970
Speaker 2: punching a wall, which I remember in his mom's house.

459
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:28,650
Speaker 2: I think he had had about six holes in the

460
00:22:28,690 --> 00:22:31,570
Speaker 2: back of his wall from conversations that we were having.

461
00:22:31,610 --> 00:22:33,810
Speaker 2: It's just the way he dealt with it, was just

462
00:22:33,890 --> 00:22:37,130
Speaker 2: angry and would punch a fist through the wall. Because

463
00:22:37,170 --> 00:22:41,850
Speaker 2: I knew how he reacted to things, I always wanted

464
00:22:41,850 --> 00:22:45,810
Speaker 2: to comfort him. So honestly, he was in my arms crying,

465
00:22:45,850 --> 00:22:47,770
Speaker 2: and I was sitting there hugging him and patting him

466
00:22:47,770 --> 00:22:50,850
Speaker 2: on the back, saying it's okay, and he's just screaming,

467
00:22:50,930 --> 00:22:54,090
Speaker 2: hysterically crying, saying I can't lose you, like, you know,

468
00:22:54,170 --> 00:22:56,050
Speaker 2: if I lose you, I've got no one else. You

469
00:22:56,090 --> 00:22:59,530
Speaker 2: can't walk away from me. You're my only person, Like, please,

470
00:22:59,850 --> 00:23:03,490
Speaker 2: please don't leave me. So it's a lot for someone

471
00:23:03,530 --> 00:23:06,890
Speaker 2: to take him. Firstly, to have someone you love regardless

472
00:23:06,930 --> 00:23:09,610
Speaker 2: of what he'd just done, Like he was desperately crying

473
00:23:09,650 --> 00:23:12,850
Speaker 2: for help for me, and I was his lifeline, Like

474
00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:15,010
Speaker 2: he didn't really have anyone else. So to have him

475
00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:18,890
Speaker 2: crying and begging for my help regardless of the betrayal

476
00:23:18,930 --> 00:23:22,250
Speaker 2: he'd just done, A part of me was sad for him.

477
00:23:22,090 --> 00:23:23,210
Speaker 3: And I wanted to help him.

478
00:23:23,250 --> 00:23:24,930
Speaker 2: I didn't want to I didn't want to leave him

479
00:23:25,450 --> 00:23:28,010
Speaker 2: to suffer on his own, which is so strange to

480
00:23:28,050 --> 00:23:29,970
Speaker 2: think considering I just found out that I had been

481
00:23:30,050 --> 00:23:32,490
Speaker 2: cheated on. But yeah, I just ended up. It was

482
00:23:32,530 --> 00:23:34,570
Speaker 2: like half an hour in the car of me comforting

483
00:23:34,610 --> 00:23:37,290
Speaker 2: him until he finally got himself together, and I just said, look,

484
00:23:37,730 --> 00:23:39,250
Speaker 2: I need to go home and I need to think,

485
00:23:39,890 --> 00:23:42,690
Speaker 2: and i'll contact you tomorrow. Just give me some time.

486
00:23:43,450 --> 00:23:46,250
Speaker 2: So I ended up driving home straight away, got on

487
00:23:46,290 --> 00:23:49,050
Speaker 2: the phone with the girlfriends and did the big debrief

488
00:23:49,690 --> 00:23:53,210
Speaker 2: and yeah, from there, I kind of just took a

489
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:54,970
Speaker 2: while to process it.

490
00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:57,410
Speaker 3: Of course, I did the typical.

491
00:23:57,050 --> 00:24:00,650
Speaker 2: Hey girl message to the girl because I actually knew

492
00:24:00,650 --> 00:24:03,850
Speaker 2: her quite well, which was another bit of a stab

493
00:24:03,930 --> 00:24:06,210
Speaker 2: in the back, But I think I was pretty used

494
00:24:06,250 --> 00:24:09,170
Speaker 2: to taking hits at this point, so yeah, I sent

495
00:24:09,250 --> 00:24:11,370
Speaker 2: her a message and was like, hey, you know, Patrick

496
00:24:11,450 --> 00:24:14,290
Speaker 2: is just told me what happened. I want to know

497
00:24:14,330 --> 00:24:16,850
Speaker 2: from your side what happened. Out of all the Hay

498
00:24:16,930 --> 00:24:19,770
Speaker 2: girl messages, she's the only one to ever deny to me,

499
00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:23,370
Speaker 2: which is so strange because I think it was a

500
00:24:23,450 --> 00:24:26,290
Speaker 2: very sticky situation for her because her younger brother was

501
00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,290
Speaker 2: his best friend, their families had been very united for

502
00:24:29,490 --> 00:24:31,970
Speaker 2: very many years. She also knew we'd been together for

503
00:24:32,010 --> 00:24:35,530
Speaker 2: two or half years since then, so I think she had.

504
00:24:35,730 --> 00:24:36,610
Speaker 3: Not more to lose.

505
00:24:36,650 --> 00:24:39,330
Speaker 2: But she was more embarrassed that that happened. She didn't

506
00:24:39,330 --> 00:24:41,050
Speaker 2: want her younger brother to find out, she didn't want

507
00:24:41,050 --> 00:24:44,890
Speaker 2: everyone to find out. So yeah, she denied to the

508
00:24:44,890 --> 00:24:47,410
Speaker 2: cows came home. I hate to say it, because I

509
00:24:47,410 --> 00:24:49,050
Speaker 2: never want to blame the girl, but yeah, part of

510
00:24:49,090 --> 00:24:51,530
Speaker 2: me was angry at her because she was denying, and

511
00:24:51,970 --> 00:24:54,730
Speaker 2: I wanted to validate his story against hers. You know,

512
00:24:54,810 --> 00:24:57,250
Speaker 2: he was saying that she took advantage of him, and

513
00:24:57,330 --> 00:24:59,330
Speaker 2: I wanted to know whether that was the truth, and

514
00:24:59,450 --> 00:25:01,210
Speaker 2: I couldn't get that from her. So that was again

515
00:25:01,290 --> 00:25:03,610
Speaker 2: this missing piece of the puzzle which I just couldn't get.

516
00:25:03,650 --> 00:25:07,010
Speaker 2: So it was more frustrating because yeah, every Hay Girl

517
00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:09,570
Speaker 2: message I got, I always got a great response from

518
00:25:09,610 --> 00:25:12,130
Speaker 2: the girls, you know, all the girls girls go but

519
00:25:12,290 --> 00:25:16,050
Speaker 2: they Yeah, she just didn't want to give me any answers,

520
00:25:16,090 --> 00:25:18,250
Speaker 2: which was such a shame because I feel like that

521
00:25:18,330 --> 00:25:20,250
Speaker 2: would have really helped me in that time to kind

522
00:25:20,290 --> 00:25:24,090
Speaker 2: of understand the situation. But yeah, I just I was

523
00:25:24,250 --> 00:25:26,410
Speaker 2: angry and frustrated at the start, and then you know,

524
00:25:26,450 --> 00:25:28,450
Speaker 2: you went, I went through my sad phase of being like,

525
00:25:28,890 --> 00:25:30,450
Speaker 2: how have we gotten to this? And then you know,

526
00:25:30,610 --> 00:25:33,010
Speaker 2: starting to question everything from the past, all the red

527
00:25:33,050 --> 00:25:35,730
Speaker 2: flags that I had seen that I had ignored. Now

528
00:25:35,730 --> 00:25:38,490
Speaker 2: because I'd finally got I finally had him admit to

529
00:25:38,490 --> 00:25:41,130
Speaker 2: me that it had happened. So yeah, it made me

530
00:25:41,130 --> 00:25:43,730
Speaker 2: start to question and reflect on everything that had happened

531
00:25:43,730 --> 00:25:46,010
Speaker 2: over the past couple of years. When I got home

532
00:25:46,330 --> 00:25:49,290
Speaker 2: from finding that out, I obviously spoke to all the

533
00:25:49,290 --> 00:25:51,930
Speaker 2: girls and we had the conversation about you know, I

534
00:25:51,970 --> 00:25:54,930
Speaker 2: need to get out of this relationship, and I knew

535
00:25:54,970 --> 00:25:56,970
Speaker 2: I needed to get out of it because I'd just

536
00:25:57,010 --> 00:25:59,970
Speaker 2: been cheated on. And what advice would I give my

537
00:25:59,970 --> 00:26:01,930
Speaker 2: friend in this situation, and that would be to walk away.

538
00:26:01,930 --> 00:26:04,930
Speaker 2: And I always would think about that, about what advice

539
00:26:04,930 --> 00:26:06,610
Speaker 2: I would give to my friend if she was in

540
00:26:06,610 --> 00:26:09,090
Speaker 2: this situation, and it would be to get the hell

541
00:26:09,130 --> 00:26:11,930
Speaker 2: out of there. So I knew deep down that it

542
00:26:11,970 --> 00:26:15,490
Speaker 2: was time to leave. And after taking a few days

543
00:26:15,570 --> 00:26:19,210
Speaker 2: of sort of processing and thinking, I was ready to

544
00:26:19,210 --> 00:26:21,210
Speaker 2: tell him that I was going to walk away. So

545
00:26:22,050 --> 00:26:24,170
Speaker 2: it took a while because obviously you're fighting these two

546
00:26:24,290 --> 00:26:27,050
Speaker 2: things of it's one time, it's a mistake and you

547
00:26:27,050 --> 00:26:30,050
Speaker 2: know she took advantage of him, and he's so sorry

548
00:26:30,090 --> 00:26:32,450
Speaker 2: and he really wants to fix this, and then the

549
00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,850
Speaker 2: other side of wants a cheaterh always a cheater and

550
00:26:35,570 --> 00:26:39,290
Speaker 2: the trust is completely broken. So it was a very

551
00:26:39,330 --> 00:26:43,730
Speaker 2: hard decision to make. But yeah, I ended up meeting

552
00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:46,570
Speaker 2: up with him and went in there to break up

553
00:26:46,610 --> 00:26:50,690
Speaker 2: with him. Unfortunately walked out back with him, which always

554
00:26:50,770 --> 00:26:53,370
Speaker 2: seemed to be the thing. I think I went in

555
00:26:53,410 --> 00:26:55,450
Speaker 2: there at least six times to break up with him

556
00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:58,530
Speaker 2: after finding out different things, whether it was a message

557
00:26:58,610 --> 00:27:01,410
Speaker 2: or a snapchat, Like there's so many different things in

558
00:27:01,450 --> 00:27:04,570
Speaker 2: between the big stories which I would catch him and

559
00:27:04,610 --> 00:27:07,130
Speaker 2: I'd go in to break up with him, but it

560
00:27:07,170 --> 00:27:09,650
Speaker 2: would always be the exact same thing, where he would

561
00:27:09,650 --> 00:27:12,450
Speaker 2: be hysterically crying. He would tell tell me he can't

562
00:27:12,490 --> 00:27:14,130
Speaker 2: live without me, like if I walk away, he don't know,

563
00:27:14,210 --> 00:27:16,570
Speaker 2: he doesn't know what will happen to him. It was

564
00:27:16,610 --> 00:27:20,490
Speaker 2: always me comforting him rather than, you know, putting myself first.

565
00:27:20,490 --> 00:27:22,570
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of that came from the

566
00:27:22,610 --> 00:27:24,930
Speaker 2: pressure of feeling like what if I did walk away

567
00:27:24,930 --> 00:27:27,690
Speaker 2: and he did do something to himself, Like I honestly

568
00:27:27,690 --> 00:27:29,530
Speaker 2: felt like a lot of his life was in my hands,

569
00:27:29,530 --> 00:27:32,210
Speaker 2: which is a lot for someone who is so young

570
00:27:32,330 --> 00:27:36,170
Speaker 2: but also so in love with this person.

571
00:27:36,450 --> 00:27:39,410
Speaker 1: So she did stay with him even after he admitted

572
00:27:39,450 --> 00:27:42,410
Speaker 1: he cheated, and Claire was so sure he had before

573
00:27:42,810 --> 00:27:46,410
Speaker 1: she stayed. As the great poet Taylor Swift says, I

574
00:27:46,450 --> 00:27:48,370
Speaker 1: can fix him, No, really, I can.

575
00:27:49,090 --> 00:27:52,330
Speaker 2: I think deep down I always knew that I needed

576
00:27:52,370 --> 00:27:56,330
Speaker 2: to leave, but I genuinely just loved him so much,

577
00:27:56,490 --> 00:27:59,690
Speaker 2: like I wanted to help him and I wanted to

578
00:27:59,770 --> 00:28:01,690
Speaker 2: fix him, and I knew what he was capable of

579
00:28:01,730 --> 00:28:04,530
Speaker 2: again that first year, I think seeing how great he was,

580
00:28:05,050 --> 00:28:06,570
Speaker 2: and I knew I could get him back there if

581
00:28:06,610 --> 00:28:09,370
Speaker 2: I just got him off smoking weed, got him back

582
00:28:09,410 --> 00:28:12,210
Speaker 2: on track, Like we could get back there. I withdrew

583
00:28:12,250 --> 00:28:15,450
Speaker 2: from my friends because I knew what they would have

584
00:28:15,490 --> 00:28:18,130
Speaker 2: to say. I am so blessed that I had the

585
00:28:18,130 --> 00:28:21,250
Speaker 2: most supportive friends. One of them, the same one that

586
00:28:21,450 --> 00:28:23,970
Speaker 2: sort of was involved the whole way, used to drop

587
00:28:24,010 --> 00:28:27,050
Speaker 2: me to his house every time to break up with him,

588
00:28:27,570 --> 00:28:29,570
Speaker 2: and then would wait out the front for me to

589
00:28:29,730 --> 00:28:32,010
Speaker 2: take me home and I would textss A, you can go.

590
00:28:32,650 --> 00:28:34,690
Speaker 2: A lot of them had to deal with it, and

591
00:28:34,770 --> 00:28:37,690
Speaker 2: I honestly don't know how they managed to say friends

592
00:28:37,730 --> 00:28:40,610
Speaker 2: with me during the whole time, because it's so hard

593
00:28:40,610 --> 00:28:42,290
Speaker 2: to watch their friend go through something like that.

594
00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:44,370
Speaker 3: And when I.

595
00:28:43,690 --> 00:28:45,890
Speaker 2: Really thought I was going to leave this relationship and

596
00:28:45,890 --> 00:28:48,930
Speaker 2: I told them like this is it, like halolu, let's go,

597
00:28:49,890 --> 00:28:52,970
Speaker 2: and then the sort of I guess they're being able

598
00:28:52,970 --> 00:28:55,250
Speaker 2: to be like, oh god, I'm actually going to have

599
00:28:55,250 --> 00:28:57,810
Speaker 2: to tell them again that I'm going back to him,

600
00:28:58,210 --> 00:28:59,170
Speaker 2: and like what's that going.

601
00:28:59,090 --> 00:29:00,450
Speaker 3: To mean for our friendships?

602
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:03,370
Speaker 2: Because it's so hard for them to have to watch

603
00:29:03,370 --> 00:29:05,410
Speaker 2: me go through this again, and like have to be

604
00:29:05,610 --> 00:29:08,090
Speaker 2: so involved in such a toxic relationship because I always

605
00:29:08,130 --> 00:29:10,490
Speaker 2: came to them for support and always came to them.

606
00:29:10,890 --> 00:29:13,770
Speaker 2: So yeah, a lot of the thought of just guilt

607
00:29:13,930 --> 00:29:16,050
Speaker 2: as well for what I was going to have to

608
00:29:16,090 --> 00:29:17,690
Speaker 2: admit to them, like, yeah, I'm going to give it

609
00:29:17,730 --> 00:29:20,930
Speaker 2: another crack. When I knew deep down that it wasn't

610
00:29:20,970 --> 00:29:23,810
Speaker 2: the right thing to do, I felt like I had

611
00:29:23,810 --> 00:29:26,530
Speaker 2: a purpose to help him, and if I left, who

612
00:29:26,570 --> 00:29:29,450
Speaker 2: would So yeah, part of me felt just trapped, and

613
00:29:29,530 --> 00:29:32,330
Speaker 2: it was just embarrassing, to be honest, Like I was

614
00:29:32,370 --> 00:29:35,090
Speaker 2: embarrassed because it wasn't just my friends that knew about this,

615
00:29:35,130 --> 00:29:37,450
Speaker 2: but people were finding out about what was happening in

616
00:29:37,450 --> 00:29:39,970
Speaker 2: our circle, and people were knowing I was the girl

617
00:29:40,010 --> 00:29:41,730
Speaker 2: that was getting back with the guy that was cheating

618
00:29:41,770 --> 00:29:42,850
Speaker 2: on her, and it was embarrassing.

619
00:29:43,170 --> 00:29:46,570
Speaker 1: But dear listener, you've heard this podcast before, you know

620
00:29:46,650 --> 00:29:48,410
Speaker 1: this story isn't going to end there.

621
00:29:48,970 --> 00:29:50,890
Speaker 3: So this is the best part.

622
00:29:51,410 --> 00:29:53,770
Speaker 2: So at this point, you know, we're probably two and

623
00:29:53,850 --> 00:29:55,770
Speaker 2: eight half years in, but a year and half into

624
00:29:55,770 --> 00:29:59,530
Speaker 2: the toxicity, I had all these passwords. Still there'd been

625
00:29:59,810 --> 00:30:04,330
Speaker 2: lots of allegations and things, but the only concrete cheating

626
00:30:04,410 --> 00:30:05,890
Speaker 2: I had known at this point.

627
00:30:06,650 --> 00:30:07,490
Speaker 3: I had been.

628
00:30:07,330 --> 00:30:10,130
Speaker 2: Out for dinner with a girlfriend and I'd gone back

629
00:30:10,170 --> 00:30:13,010
Speaker 2: to his house. He was playing Xbox in his room

630
00:30:13,610 --> 00:30:15,930
Speaker 2: and I was watching a movie on his laptop, so

631
00:30:15,970 --> 00:30:18,250
Speaker 2: I went on too. I had a little bit of

632
00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,170
Speaker 2: a wandering hand that somehow stumbled into his I message

633
00:30:21,170 --> 00:30:24,130
Speaker 2: on his laptop, and I saw some messages with an

634
00:30:24,210 --> 00:30:27,890
Speaker 2: unknown number. I don't think at this point he knew

635
00:30:27,930 --> 00:30:30,570
Speaker 2: that when you delete off your iPhone, it immediately deletes

636
00:30:30,570 --> 00:30:33,170
Speaker 2: off your laptop, like it has to like connect or something,

637
00:30:33,930 --> 00:30:36,610
Speaker 2: so he must have thought he was in the clear.

638
00:30:36,650 --> 00:30:41,050
Speaker 2: And I went onto these messages and immediately was like

639
00:30:41,770 --> 00:30:42,970
Speaker 2: a hit in the stomach.

640
00:30:43,050 --> 00:30:45,890
Speaker 3: Here we go again. The last messages I could.

641
00:30:45,730 --> 00:30:49,170
Speaker 2: Just see were like just vile, and I just scrolled

642
00:30:49,250 --> 00:30:51,970
Speaker 2: up and I just saw like messages on messages on messages.

643
00:30:52,770 --> 00:30:56,330
Speaker 2: It was an unknown number. I couldn't see who it was. Honestly,

644
00:30:56,370 --> 00:30:58,770
Speaker 2: I wasn't reading it at that time. I've just wanted

645
00:30:58,770 --> 00:31:02,050
Speaker 2: to get to the top, get my evidence, and get

646
00:31:02,050 --> 00:31:05,010
Speaker 2: the hell out of there. So I saw some photos

647
00:31:05,050 --> 00:31:06,610
Speaker 2: exchange where I could see it was a girl with

648
00:31:06,690 --> 00:31:09,610
Speaker 2: pink hair, and they were sending nudes to each other,

649
00:31:10,010 --> 00:31:12,290
Speaker 2: but I didn't know who it was, so I pretty

650
00:31:12,370 --> 00:31:14,450
Speaker 2: much just scrolled to the top of the messages, whipped

651
00:31:14,450 --> 00:31:17,730
Speaker 2: out my iPhone and started recording and just started scrolling

652
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:20,410
Speaker 2: through the messages because I didn't have time to read

653
00:31:20,450 --> 00:31:21,970
Speaker 2: them and I just wanted to get out of there,

654
00:31:22,090 --> 00:31:25,490
Speaker 2: So I recorded all these messages that he had been

655
00:31:25,530 --> 00:31:28,690
Speaker 2: exchanging with this woman, and then once I had gotten them,

656
00:31:29,130 --> 00:31:31,450
Speaker 2: I left open on his laptop and I legged it

657
00:31:31,530 --> 00:31:34,210
Speaker 2: out the door faster than I honestly think I've ever

658
00:31:34,290 --> 00:31:37,210
Speaker 2: run in my life, and then just left them open

659
00:31:37,210 --> 00:31:40,170
Speaker 2: on his laptop and got my car and just faged

660
00:31:40,210 --> 00:31:42,410
Speaker 2: it down the road down to a park where I

661
00:31:42,410 --> 00:31:46,170
Speaker 2: could actually stop the car and read the messages. The

662
00:31:46,210 --> 00:31:49,050
Speaker 2: first message he had sent to her was pretty much

663
00:31:49,090 --> 00:31:53,170
Speaker 2: thanking her for a wonderful night. He said, you know,

664
00:31:53,290 --> 00:31:57,210
Speaker 2: she'd given him the best massage with the nicest coconut oil,

665
00:31:57,650 --> 00:32:00,250
Speaker 2: pretty much a full paragraph and saying he still, you know,

666
00:32:00,370 --> 00:32:02,330
Speaker 2: ponders on that night. Like it was like a poem,

667
00:32:02,970 --> 00:32:05,690
Speaker 2: like I've never seen someone so poetic, and he like

668
00:32:05,770 --> 00:32:08,450
Speaker 2: signed it off with his first letter of his name

669
00:32:08,530 --> 00:32:11,170
Speaker 2: and a heart. And then this woman came back and

670
00:32:11,290 --> 00:32:14,290
Speaker 2: was just pretty much gave him poems back saying, you know,

671
00:32:15,130 --> 00:32:18,690
Speaker 2: I had such a wonderful night with you, and I

672
00:32:18,690 --> 00:32:23,130
Speaker 2: would love to see you again. So at the start,

673
00:32:23,170 --> 00:32:25,770
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, so we've obviously got some sort

674
00:32:25,810 --> 00:32:28,530
Speaker 2: of relationship going on here. And it wasn't until I

675
00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:30,690
Speaker 2: kept going through the messages that I realized that she

676
00:32:30,890 --> 00:32:33,890
Speaker 2: was a sex worker. She wasn't asking for him to

677
00:32:33,930 --> 00:32:38,130
Speaker 2: come back for money, so she was actually saying she

678
00:32:38,170 --> 00:32:40,650
Speaker 2: would love to see him again, and she doesn't expect

679
00:32:40,690 --> 00:32:42,850
Speaker 2: any payment, like she would just love to see him again.

680
00:32:43,490 --> 00:32:46,450
Speaker 2: So yeah, they were kind of going back and forth,

681
00:32:46,930 --> 00:32:51,010
Speaker 2: sexing some really interesting messages about that night.

682
00:32:51,850 --> 00:32:53,850
Speaker 3: It was just a whole lot.

683
00:32:53,890 --> 00:32:56,010
Speaker 2: And then she started, you know, saying, I'm getting some

684
00:32:56,090 --> 00:32:58,530
Speaker 2: new photos and videos for my website. Do you want

685
00:32:58,530 --> 00:33:00,450
Speaker 2: to see them before I post them? And he's like,

686
00:33:00,530 --> 00:33:03,130
Speaker 2: go for it. And then they're kind of like talking

687
00:33:03,130 --> 00:33:05,410
Speaker 2: about these photos and then she's like, I would love

688
00:33:05,450 --> 00:33:07,250
Speaker 2: to see you tonight and he's like I can't.

689
00:33:07,290 --> 00:33:11,450
Speaker 3: I'm babysitting my little sisters aka my girlfriend's coming over.

690
00:33:11,930 --> 00:33:15,330
Speaker 2: So yeah, they were just like it was just the

691
00:33:15,370 --> 00:33:18,930
Speaker 2: most intense messages I'd ever read, So it was all

692
00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:21,690
Speaker 2: in that one night. They were exchanging messages that night

693
00:33:21,770 --> 00:33:23,930
Speaker 2: for about like an hour, an hour or two before

694
00:33:23,930 --> 00:33:26,210
Speaker 2: I had gotten there, and he pretty much like wrapped

695
00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:28,090
Speaker 2: up the conversation saying, I gotta go, and my sister's

696
00:33:28,170 --> 00:33:30,530
Speaker 2: going to be here soon. But yeah, they were going

697
00:33:30,530 --> 00:33:33,050
Speaker 2: through good two hours whilst I was out at dinner.

698
00:33:35,090 --> 00:33:41,170
Speaker 2: I was disgusted because I firstly didn't know what night

699
00:33:41,370 --> 00:33:44,250
Speaker 2: that it had been, Like, not only is he cheating,

700
00:33:44,290 --> 00:33:45,570
Speaker 2: but he's putting me in.

701
00:33:45,610 --> 00:33:49,010
Speaker 3: A situation now where he's sleeping with other people and

702
00:33:49,010 --> 00:33:50,730
Speaker 3: coming home to me, looking me in the eyes, and

703
00:33:50,730 --> 00:33:52,850
Speaker 3: then sleeping with me. I don't know whether he'd been

704
00:33:52,890 --> 00:33:55,170
Speaker 3: using protection with her. I was angry.

705
00:33:55,210 --> 00:33:57,530
Speaker 2: I found it so selfish that he would put me

706
00:33:57,570 --> 00:34:00,770
Speaker 2: in that situation. Like there was so many emotions that

707
00:34:00,810 --> 00:34:01,970
Speaker 2: I didn't even know how.

708
00:34:01,850 --> 00:34:02,490
Speaker 3: To process it.

709
00:34:02,530 --> 00:34:05,330
Speaker 2: I was just like the first time was relief, and

710
00:34:05,370 --> 00:34:08,370
Speaker 2: this time was just I was so overwhelmed and I

711
00:34:08,450 --> 00:34:11,370
Speaker 2: was so embarrassed that I was gonna have to own

712
00:34:11,410 --> 00:34:13,930
Speaker 2: this to everyone and be like, Yep, it happened again,

713
00:34:13,970 --> 00:34:16,890
Speaker 2: and this time with a sex worker named doctor Pussy.

714
00:34:17,730 --> 00:34:21,170
Speaker 2: I got her phone number from the messages and entered

715
00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:24,650
Speaker 2: it into Google and I found her page. She was

716
00:34:24,850 --> 00:34:27,570
Speaker 2: over forty years old, so she was really really you know,

717
00:34:27,610 --> 00:34:30,450
Speaker 2: we were you know, early twenties then, so she was

718
00:34:30,530 --> 00:34:33,090
Speaker 2: a lot older. And to know that, you know, she

719
00:34:33,410 --> 00:34:35,530
Speaker 2: would have known his age, and she was wanting him

720
00:34:35,570 --> 00:34:37,890
Speaker 2: to come back for free and like to really make

721
00:34:37,970 --> 00:34:42,010
Speaker 2: something of that. And I just felt so gross because

722
00:34:42,290 --> 00:34:45,730
Speaker 2: it just made me question. I had no idea what

723
00:34:45,810 --> 00:34:48,250
Speaker 2: night this was. We were spending a lot of time together,

724
00:34:48,290 --> 00:34:50,290
Speaker 2: so honestly it would have been a night that he

725
00:34:50,330 --> 00:34:52,730
Speaker 2: would have come home to me. So yeah, it was

726
00:34:52,810 --> 00:34:56,290
Speaker 2: just like trying to put the pieces together. Patrick was

727
00:34:56,290 --> 00:34:59,410
Speaker 2: a good looking guy, Like he was gorgeous.

728
00:34:59,570 --> 00:35:00,650
Speaker 3: So he could get anyone.

729
00:35:01,090 --> 00:35:02,730
Speaker 2: He would be able to go out on a night

730
00:35:02,730 --> 00:35:05,210
Speaker 2: out and get any girl he wanted, like genuinely he

731
00:35:05,250 --> 00:35:08,450
Speaker 2: was told he was gorgeous, but he had this weird

732
00:35:08,570 --> 00:35:12,130
Speaker 2: thing where he just needed validation or something like that,

733
00:35:12,210 --> 00:35:16,130
Speaker 2: where yeah, it wasn't about the cheating, it was almost

734
00:35:16,170 --> 00:35:19,130
Speaker 2: just about getting as much attentional anything like that. So

735
00:35:19,290 --> 00:35:21,810
Speaker 2: I think it let me confuse because I also went

736
00:35:21,890 --> 00:35:24,170
Speaker 2: then looking on that sex worker page and saw all

737
00:35:24,210 --> 00:35:28,130
Speaker 2: these beautiful women, you know, of his age, and was

738
00:35:28,170 --> 00:35:31,570
Speaker 2: just so confused by his choice, which is so pole

739
00:35:31,650 --> 00:35:34,930
Speaker 2: opposite to me, and just you know, you start questioning

740
00:35:34,970 --> 00:35:37,770
Speaker 2: all these questions like what does she have? You know,

741
00:35:37,850 --> 00:35:41,650
Speaker 2: what is it? We had an active sex life, as

742
00:35:41,650 --> 00:35:44,010
Speaker 2: you can imagine for a man that was pretty much

743
00:35:44,010 --> 00:35:47,610
Speaker 2: a sex addict. Yeah, he had this desire for other

744
00:35:47,690 --> 00:35:51,730
Speaker 2: women for some reason, whatever that was. So I ended

745
00:35:51,810 --> 00:35:57,490
Speaker 2: up messaging Octopussy myself, just out of anger, out of frustration,

746
00:35:58,170 --> 00:35:59,690
Speaker 2: and I pretty much messaged her and just said, hey,

747
00:35:59,730 --> 00:36:01,770
Speaker 2: I just want to let you know Patrick is in

748
00:36:01,810 --> 00:36:04,650
Speaker 2: a you know, three and a half year relationship. I

749
00:36:04,650 --> 00:36:08,570
Speaker 2: hope you're happy with what you've done, which is so

750
00:36:08,650 --> 00:36:10,410
Speaker 2: horrible and I can put my hat up and say

751
00:36:10,410 --> 00:36:13,130
Speaker 2: that it's just ridiculous. And she came back to me

752
00:36:13,170 --> 00:36:15,930
Speaker 2: and she said, look, sometimes men need to do things

753
00:36:15,930 --> 00:36:18,850
Speaker 2: to women that they can't do to the women that

754
00:36:18,890 --> 00:36:22,090
Speaker 2: they love. And I just went back to her and said, darling,

755
00:36:22,170 --> 00:36:24,450
Speaker 2: you are not the first one. And then she came

756
00:36:24,490 --> 00:36:27,130
Speaker 2: back to me and pretty much was like I didn't realize,

757
00:36:27,370 --> 00:36:29,290
Speaker 2: you know, he'd cheat on you lots of times, like

758
00:36:29,330 --> 00:36:31,410
Speaker 2: you should leave him, walk away. And I was now

759
00:36:31,410 --> 00:36:34,850
Speaker 2: all of a sudden getting this relationship advice from Octopusy

760
00:36:34,890 --> 00:36:37,770
Speaker 2: and like it was bizarre, but she was like on

761
00:36:37,850 --> 00:36:40,370
Speaker 2: my side saying, you know, you don't deserve that. You

762
00:36:40,370 --> 00:36:42,490
Speaker 2: don't deserve a man to continually cheat on you.

763
00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:43,250
Speaker 3: Like I didn't.

764
00:36:43,050 --> 00:36:45,450
Speaker 2: Realize that that was going on. I was sitting there

765
00:36:45,530 --> 00:36:49,010
Speaker 2: being like, what is my life? Like, I'm now messaging

766
00:36:49,010 --> 00:36:52,450
Speaker 2: a forty year old sex worker about my cheating boyfriend.

767
00:36:52,490 --> 00:36:54,650
Speaker 1: And it only got more bizarre from there.

768
00:36:55,050 --> 00:36:57,450
Speaker 2: We exchanged a couple of texts and then I think

769
00:36:57,490 --> 00:37:00,210
Speaker 2: she ended up messaging him saying, you know, your girlfriend's

770
00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:03,850
Speaker 2: messaging me, and then he's messaging her saying, can you

771
00:37:03,930 --> 00:37:07,730
Speaker 2: help me sort it out with her? So this poor

772
00:37:08,450 --> 00:37:12,330
Speaker 2: poor sex worker was stuck in between our relationship pretty

773
00:37:12,370 --> 00:37:16,250
Speaker 2: much mediating. She had him begging for help to help,

774
00:37:16,450 --> 00:37:18,850
Speaker 2: you know, reconcile our relationship and give me advice that

775
00:37:18,850 --> 00:37:21,490
Speaker 2: would help us get back together, whereas she had me

776
00:37:21,610 --> 00:37:24,410
Speaker 2: kind of being like a bit sassy but also like

777
00:37:24,890 --> 00:37:28,890
Speaker 2: this is the situation. So yeah, I never thought that

778
00:37:28,930 --> 00:37:31,570
Speaker 2: this poor woman would be stuck in between. She had

779
00:37:31,570 --> 00:37:33,570
Speaker 2: definitely got more than what she barkained.

780
00:37:33,130 --> 00:37:33,890
Speaker 3: For with that one.

781
00:37:34,010 --> 00:37:36,930
Speaker 2: But I ended up obviously after a couple of exchanges

782
00:37:36,970 --> 00:37:40,370
Speaker 2: and texts and realizing what am I doing ended up

783
00:37:40,370 --> 00:37:44,250
Speaker 2: cutting the messages off. It was call and text and

784
00:37:44,290 --> 00:37:46,850
Speaker 2: text and CaAl and like I was just like, it

785
00:37:46,890 --> 00:37:49,610
Speaker 2: was weeks of just leave me alone, like it's done,

786
00:37:50,010 --> 00:37:52,690
Speaker 2: and I was done. I was like, you have betrayed

787
00:37:52,730 --> 00:37:55,730
Speaker 2: me for the second time. The fact that you could

788
00:37:55,730 --> 00:37:59,050
Speaker 2: go out and do that and then come home and

789
00:37:59,090 --> 00:38:00,810
Speaker 2: look me in the eyes and tell me you love me.

790
00:38:00,810 --> 00:38:02,130
Speaker 3: Like I was furious.

791
00:38:02,210 --> 00:38:05,490
Speaker 2: I was just like, I'm so done with you. And

792
00:38:05,570 --> 00:38:07,930
Speaker 2: this honestly should have been the final straw. And I

793
00:38:07,970 --> 00:38:11,570
Speaker 2: don't know what witchcraft he put on me to somehow

794
00:38:11,690 --> 00:38:14,370
Speaker 2: reel me back in for the last time, but it

795
00:38:14,530 --> 00:38:19,730
Speaker 2: was just weeks of persistence and begging and telling me

796
00:38:19,850 --> 00:38:22,890
Speaker 2: that if I walk away, his life isn't worth living,

797
00:38:22,930 --> 00:38:26,450
Speaker 2: and putting that pressure back on me. He was willing

798
00:38:26,490 --> 00:38:28,730
Speaker 2: to work, like he was willing to make the changes

799
00:38:28,730 --> 00:38:31,050
Speaker 2: that he needed, which was he was going to stop smoking.

800
00:38:31,930 --> 00:38:33,730
Speaker 2: He was reaching out to my friends and you know,

801
00:38:33,810 --> 00:38:36,610
Speaker 2: spinning all these webs with them and you know, telling

802
00:38:36,610 --> 00:38:39,450
Speaker 2: them everything they wanted to hear. Like he is so

803
00:38:39,490 --> 00:38:41,850
Speaker 2: good with his words that you'd leave the conversation and

804
00:38:41,890 --> 00:38:45,370
Speaker 2: be like, maybe it is worth giving him another chance.

805
00:38:45,410 --> 00:38:46,610
Speaker 3: Maybe he is going to change.

806
00:38:47,130 --> 00:38:51,010
Speaker 2: He genuinely was so distressed and distraught, and in the

807
00:38:51,050 --> 00:38:54,650
Speaker 2: time that we were broken up, he was making the changes.

808
00:38:54,690 --> 00:38:59,010
Speaker 2: He'd stopped smoking weed. He came back so persistent and

809
00:38:59,890 --> 00:39:04,290
Speaker 2: so willing to change, and he just wasn't going to

810
00:39:04,330 --> 00:39:07,050
Speaker 2: give up until I got back with him. I think

811
00:39:07,090 --> 00:39:08,890
Speaker 2: I knew deep down I was going to walk away,

812
00:39:09,370 --> 00:39:11,530
Speaker 2: and I knew it was going to happen again, but

813
00:39:12,330 --> 00:39:14,690
Speaker 2: I was hoping by that next time I would have

814
00:39:14,770 --> 00:39:17,210
Speaker 2: the courage in me to say this is it. To

815
00:39:17,250 --> 00:39:19,930
Speaker 2: be honest, we weren't back together boyfriend and girlfriend. We

816
00:39:19,930 --> 00:39:22,210
Speaker 2: were working things out. He was proving to me that,

817
00:39:22,410 --> 00:39:24,410
Speaker 2: you know, he could be who he was in the

818
00:39:24,450 --> 00:39:27,810
Speaker 2: first year. One morning, I was working in my cafe

819
00:39:27,930 --> 00:39:31,890
Speaker 2: job and I went on to his snapchat while I

820
00:39:31,930 --> 00:39:34,490
Speaker 2: was working, and I saw, like I could see in

821
00:39:34,530 --> 00:39:37,090
Speaker 2: his recence there was this girl's name, but then when

822
00:39:37,090 --> 00:39:40,410
Speaker 2: I swipe across to his feed, the girl's name wasn't there.

823
00:39:40,490 --> 00:39:43,330
Speaker 2: So straight away that's an alarm bells, being like he's

824
00:39:43,370 --> 00:39:48,290
Speaker 2: deleted the chat. So I immediately just didn't even bother messaging him.

825
00:39:48,490 --> 00:39:50,850
Speaker 2: I went straight to the girl and just said, hey, no,

826
00:39:50,890 --> 00:39:54,090
Speaker 2: you're snapchatting Patrick. You know this is my boyfriend. Can

827
00:39:54,130 --> 00:39:56,690
Speaker 2: you let me know what's happening. This girl was amazing.

828
00:39:56,890 --> 00:39:59,370
Speaker 2: She gave me all the tea, everything I needed to hear,

829
00:40:00,210 --> 00:40:03,130
Speaker 2: and it was like a light bulb moment. I cannot

830
00:40:03,170 --> 00:40:06,810
Speaker 2: explain it. My feelings just switched. It was like I

831
00:40:06,890 --> 00:40:11,010
Speaker 2: needed that to just walk away. I felt nothing for him.

832
00:40:11,050 --> 00:40:13,570
Speaker 2: I was just like, Okay, thank you. She had validated

833
00:40:13,570 --> 00:40:16,330
Speaker 2: that they'd been snapchatting, that they had been sending nudes

834
00:40:16,410 --> 00:40:19,050
Speaker 2: and sexting. She had sent me a screenshot off this

835
00:40:19,130 --> 00:40:23,090
Speaker 2: message that he'd sent saying that he's going to have

836
00:40:23,090 --> 00:40:25,610
Speaker 2: to stop talking to her to be respectful to Claire,

837
00:40:26,050 --> 00:40:28,530
Speaker 2: but one day they can do the things that they

838
00:40:28,570 --> 00:40:32,650
Speaker 2: spoke about. I flipped a switch. I remember I was

839
00:40:32,690 --> 00:40:34,730
Speaker 2: working alone in this cafe. I went to the bathroom,

840
00:40:35,130 --> 00:40:37,810
Speaker 2: created a group chat with all my girlfriends, like all

841
00:40:37,850 --> 00:40:40,010
Speaker 2: the ones even from different friendship groups, and said, guys,

842
00:40:40,570 --> 00:40:42,850
Speaker 2: I swear to God, I'm done.

843
00:40:42,890 --> 00:40:45,650
Speaker 3: Like this is it. I couldn't explain the feeling of

844
00:40:45,890 --> 00:40:48,250
Speaker 3: It's like all my love for him just disappeared.

845
00:40:48,450 --> 00:40:52,010
Speaker 2: It was just such a weird feeling that I finally

846
00:40:52,090 --> 00:40:54,650
Speaker 2: was able to let go, like I was done, And

847
00:40:54,690 --> 00:40:57,130
Speaker 2: it didn't take him cheating on me with a sex worker.

848
00:40:57,170 --> 00:40:58,770
Speaker 3: It didn't take him messaging girls.

849
00:40:58,770 --> 00:41:00,850
Speaker 2: It was just finding out that he was still doing

850
00:41:00,850 --> 00:41:03,450
Speaker 2: it after I'd gotten back with him. I was slowly

851
00:41:03,570 --> 00:41:06,610
Speaker 2: checking out over the months, but I just never was

852
00:41:07,130 --> 00:41:09,410
Speaker 2: prepared to walk away. And I think that a lot

853
00:41:09,450 --> 00:41:11,690
Speaker 2: of that came from holding onto the hope and the

854
00:41:11,810 --> 00:41:13,650
Speaker 2: pressure of what would happen if I did leave.

855
00:41:13,730 --> 00:41:16,010
Speaker 3: But I was finally ready to be selfish say you

856
00:41:16,050 --> 00:41:18,050
Speaker 3: know what I am done.

857
00:41:18,610 --> 00:41:20,810
Speaker 2: I think I needed to get over him while I

858
00:41:20,850 --> 00:41:23,930
Speaker 2: was still with him, so that when I was finally done,

859
00:41:24,010 --> 00:41:26,370
Speaker 2: ready to pull the pin, it was easy to walk away.

860
00:41:27,250 --> 00:41:30,690
Speaker 1: She cut all contact with him, despite his endless attempts

861
00:41:30,690 --> 00:41:33,210
Speaker 1: to call and text. He was trying to say sorry,

862
00:41:33,250 --> 00:41:36,010
Speaker 1: to again, say he'd change and work on it, but

863
00:41:36,130 --> 00:41:38,850
Speaker 1: Claire had had enough. After a couple of weeks, she

864
00:41:38,890 --> 00:41:41,570
Speaker 1: agreed to meet up with him for one last conversation,

865
00:41:41,970 --> 00:41:44,890
Speaker 1: but she was staunch it was only for her own closure.

866
00:41:45,250 --> 00:41:46,050
Speaker 3: I went in there.

867
00:41:46,250 --> 00:41:48,850
Speaker 2: We met up at a car park and I jumped

868
00:41:48,850 --> 00:41:52,850
Speaker 2: in his car and he's sitting there hysterically crying, and

869
00:41:52,930 --> 00:41:55,570
Speaker 2: I was the ice princess like. I did not touch him,

870
00:41:55,650 --> 00:41:57,530
Speaker 2: I did not comfort him, which for him would have

871
00:41:57,530 --> 00:42:00,130
Speaker 2: been an absolute shock, because every other six times I've tried

872
00:42:00,170 --> 00:42:03,250
Speaker 2: to break up with him, he had me comforting him.

873
00:42:03,290 --> 00:42:05,410
Speaker 2: So I think then he knew, oh my God, like

874
00:42:05,850 --> 00:42:09,210
Speaker 2: this is real. I let loose on him. I went

875
00:42:09,250 --> 00:42:11,690
Speaker 2: in there with every point I need to have. I

876
00:42:11,770 --> 00:42:14,850
Speaker 2: needed him to know everything i'd felt of that three

877
00:42:14,890 --> 00:42:17,130
Speaker 2: and a half years, everything he'd put me through. I

878
00:42:17,250 --> 00:42:19,850
Speaker 2: was angry, and I don't think I was ever angry.

879
00:42:19,890 --> 00:42:23,810
Speaker 2: I was usually quite a placid, quite a reserved when

880
00:42:23,850 --> 00:42:26,050
Speaker 2: it came to our arguments because of how he reacted,

881
00:42:26,130 --> 00:42:28,170
Speaker 2: because at the end of the day, I was always

882
00:42:28,170 --> 00:42:32,170
Speaker 2: scared of his reaction to me. So to go in

883
00:42:32,210 --> 00:42:34,610
Speaker 2: there with so much anger and fuel in my belly

884
00:42:34,650 --> 00:42:36,570
Speaker 2: and just be like, you are a piece of shit,

885
00:42:37,290 --> 00:42:39,810
Speaker 2: and yeah, I absolutely tore him a new one. And

886
00:42:40,530 --> 00:42:43,730
Speaker 2: he sat there and apologized and said all the things

887
00:42:43,730 --> 00:42:45,850
Speaker 2: that he used to say to, you know, try and

888
00:42:45,850 --> 00:42:49,650
Speaker 2: make me consider getting back with him. And I just

889
00:42:49,690 --> 00:42:53,010
Speaker 2: sat there the ice princess and just said, are you done?

890
00:42:53,690 --> 00:42:55,370
Speaker 3: And then he said I'm done?

891
00:42:55,490 --> 00:42:58,010
Speaker 2: And I said, okay, well I'm going and I opened

892
00:42:58,050 --> 00:43:00,850
Speaker 2: the door and he just said, there's just one more thing,

893
00:43:01,570 --> 00:43:04,090
Speaker 2: And I was like, here we go, and he plugs

894
00:43:04,130 --> 00:43:07,570
Speaker 2: in his USB twas ORCS cord and started to play

895
00:43:08,050 --> 00:43:10,650
Speaker 2: just Want to Be with You asking musical two and

896
00:43:10,730 --> 00:43:15,650
Speaker 2: started singing at the top of his lungs like I

897
00:43:15,730 --> 00:43:18,290
Speaker 2: genuinely thought I'd been to a musical theater performance. Like

898
00:43:18,370 --> 00:43:21,450
Speaker 2: it was bizarre to the point where I'm like, this

899
00:43:21,530 --> 00:43:26,010
Speaker 2: is actually like embarrassing. The context of that is we

900
00:43:26,090 --> 00:43:27,970
Speaker 2: loved Tysko musicol. We used to sing it all the

901
00:43:27,970 --> 00:43:29,570
Speaker 2: time in the car, so there was a little bit

902
00:43:29,570 --> 00:43:32,690
Speaker 2: of romance to that, but it was honestly appalling, like

903
00:43:32,770 --> 00:43:34,970
Speaker 2: to think that, you know what, this is my one

904
00:43:35,090 --> 00:43:36,010
Speaker 2: way to get her back.

905
00:43:36,130 --> 00:43:38,610
Speaker 3: I'm going to go full Troy Bolton on her. And

906
00:43:39,450 --> 00:43:40,170
Speaker 3: it didn't work.

907
00:43:40,330 --> 00:43:42,010
Speaker 2: When he knew and I didn't come in for the

908
00:43:42,450 --> 00:43:44,850
Speaker 2: sweet melody of just want to be with you, he knew, Yeah,

909
00:43:44,970 --> 00:43:46,130
Speaker 2: I was done.

910
00:43:47,210 --> 00:43:50,450
Speaker 1: Finally, after three and a half years, Claire was free,

911
00:43:50,810 --> 00:43:52,370
Speaker 1: breaking free, if you will.

912
00:43:52,770 --> 00:43:54,650
Speaker 3: He was still messaging me.

913
00:43:54,850 --> 00:43:58,050
Speaker 2: I think I had slept with someone a couple weeks

914
00:43:58,090 --> 00:44:03,650
Speaker 2: after and he had found out, and he came in swinging.

915
00:44:03,730 --> 00:44:04,810
Speaker 3: He was so angry.

916
00:44:05,450 --> 00:44:08,770
Speaker 2: The audacity on him to come at me and say,

917
00:44:09,050 --> 00:44:10,890
Speaker 2: you know you're moving on too fast.

918
00:44:11,370 --> 00:44:13,330
Speaker 3: You know, how could you not consider me in this?

919
00:44:13,530 --> 00:44:16,170
Speaker 2: And I was just like, you were doing this while

920
00:44:16,170 --> 00:44:18,010
Speaker 2: we were together for three and a half years, like

921
00:44:18,010 --> 00:44:21,130
Speaker 2: the autacity for you to come at me right now

922
00:44:21,970 --> 00:44:23,930
Speaker 2: for doing something like I remember saying to him, like

923
00:44:24,010 --> 00:44:25,970
Speaker 2: I did this because I wanted to like as much

924
00:44:25,970 --> 00:44:27,410
Speaker 2: as you want it to be about you, It's not

925
00:44:27,730 --> 00:44:29,930
Speaker 2: like I wanted to go and do this. It's got

926
00:44:29,970 --> 00:44:32,170
Speaker 2: nothing to do with you anymore. So I shut him

927
00:44:32,170 --> 00:44:34,490
Speaker 2: down pretty quick. But I think he just wanted to

928
00:44:34,490 --> 00:44:37,330
Speaker 2: stay relevant in any way he could. I remember my

929
00:44:37,450 --> 00:44:39,290
Speaker 2: last message to him. I just sent him sort of

930
00:44:39,330 --> 00:44:41,530
Speaker 2: a big paragraph and that was just like, do not

931
00:44:41,650 --> 00:44:43,690
Speaker 2: take me as sending this message and me wanting any

932
00:44:43,690 --> 00:44:46,330
Speaker 2: formal contact. I'm telling you now you need to leave

933
00:44:46,330 --> 00:44:47,850
Speaker 2: me alone or I'll block your number.

934
00:44:47,930 --> 00:44:50,050
Speaker 3: Like I was so stern. I was so done.

935
00:44:50,690 --> 00:44:53,170
Speaker 2: I don't think I really understood the impact of this

936
00:44:53,290 --> 00:44:57,570
Speaker 2: relationship until getting into my next one, which wasn't until

937
00:44:57,650 --> 00:45:01,690
Speaker 2: six years after. So I steered clear of relationships and

938
00:45:01,810 --> 00:45:04,810
Speaker 2: situationships from that For a good reason.

939
00:45:04,850 --> 00:45:06,090
Speaker 3: I had no interest in it.

940
00:45:06,250 --> 00:45:09,290
Speaker 2: I think I had a lot of self discovery to

941
00:45:09,330 --> 00:45:12,450
Speaker 2: do a lot of self estee in building to do.

942
00:45:12,570 --> 00:45:14,650
Speaker 2: And I think I knew I very well wasn't ready

943
00:45:14,650 --> 00:45:17,850
Speaker 2: to get into a relationship anytime soon. My friends still

944
00:45:17,850 --> 00:45:19,530
Speaker 2: talk about it, We still laugh about all the stuff

945
00:45:19,530 --> 00:45:22,290
Speaker 2: that happened and how crazy I was for not walking

946
00:45:22,290 --> 00:45:25,090
Speaker 2: away and how brainwashed I was, and we always laughed

947
00:45:25,090 --> 00:45:27,090
Speaker 2: about it. But it wasn't until, you know, I got

948
00:45:27,130 --> 00:45:30,290
Speaker 2: into this new relationship and I have all these trust

949
00:45:30,330 --> 00:45:32,970
Speaker 2: issues from someone that gives me no reason to not

950
00:45:33,010 --> 00:45:35,890
Speaker 2: trust them, and he leaves the phone in his room

951
00:45:35,890 --> 00:45:39,130
Speaker 2: and I just cannot fight, Like all I want to

952
00:45:39,130 --> 00:45:41,450
Speaker 2: do is check it. So yeah, there's a lot of

953
00:45:42,010 --> 00:45:45,410
Speaker 2: trust issues that I have to.

954
00:45:45,330 --> 00:45:47,330
Speaker 3: Deal with and am still dealing with.

955
00:45:47,810 --> 00:45:51,210
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think the years after were I'd never

956
00:45:51,250 --> 00:45:52,410
Speaker 2: really thought about him again.

957
00:45:52,570 --> 00:45:53,930
Speaker 3: To be honest, like I was.

958
00:45:54,570 --> 00:45:57,650
Speaker 2: We ended in March of twenty nineteen, and then I

959
00:45:57,690 --> 00:46:00,450
Speaker 2: packed up and moved to Sydney in October of twenty nineteen,

960
00:46:00,570 --> 00:46:02,290
Speaker 2: so I never saw him.

961
00:46:02,610 --> 00:46:03,130
Speaker 3: It was great.

962
00:46:03,210 --> 00:46:04,930
Speaker 2: I never saw him. I never really had to hear

963
00:46:04,970 --> 00:46:07,850
Speaker 2: from him. I didn't have to hear about him. Actually

964
00:46:07,890 --> 00:46:09,890
Speaker 2: found out he started working in a sex shop once

965
00:46:09,890 --> 00:46:10,690
Speaker 2: I left, which is.

966
00:46:10,610 --> 00:46:12,050
Speaker 3: On brand good for him him.

967
00:46:12,810 --> 00:46:16,530
Speaker 2: He obviously would come home, go home every year for Christmas.

968
00:46:17,010 --> 00:46:19,570
Speaker 2: The first couple of years, he would message me and

969
00:46:19,650 --> 00:46:23,210
Speaker 2: ask for me to catch up, and obviously that's like

970
00:46:23,250 --> 00:46:28,090
Speaker 2: he's absolutely dreaming. I would run into him occasionally at

971
00:46:28,130 --> 00:46:30,490
Speaker 2: things like I think there was one time where I

972
00:46:30,530 --> 00:46:33,570
Speaker 2: just avoided him, like the plague, and then the second

973
00:46:33,570 --> 00:46:35,690
Speaker 2: time it was at an event and he sort of

974
00:46:35,810 --> 00:46:37,330
Speaker 2: got me in a corner with one of my best

975
00:46:37,370 --> 00:46:41,090
Speaker 2: friends and told me how much he regretted it and

976
00:46:41,170 --> 00:46:43,490
Speaker 2: how much he loved me and wasn't going to find

977
00:46:43,490 --> 00:46:45,770
Speaker 2: anyone like me. And keep in mind, this is like

978
00:46:45,850 --> 00:46:48,370
Speaker 2: five years or four years after we'd broken up, Like

979
00:46:48,450 --> 00:46:51,890
Speaker 2: he's still will corner me, and he was still to

980
00:46:51,970 --> 00:46:54,570
Speaker 2: this day messaged me every single day every single year

981
00:46:54,570 --> 00:46:57,010
Speaker 2: on my birthday, a big paragraph happy.

982
00:46:56,730 --> 00:46:59,690
Speaker 3: Birthday, like say hew, do your mom like all that stuff?

983
00:46:59,730 --> 00:47:05,330
Speaker 3: I'm like, go away. So he wants me to never

984
00:47:05,370 --> 00:47:05,930
Speaker 3: get over him.

985
00:47:06,610 --> 00:47:08,970
Speaker 2: I know most people don't end up with their high

986
00:47:08,970 --> 00:47:13,010
Speaker 2: school boyfriends, and I think it was such an intense

987
00:47:13,490 --> 00:47:15,570
Speaker 2: thing to go through at such a young age, and

988
00:47:15,730 --> 00:47:21,170
Speaker 2: the toxicity of it was so unimaginable. And I think

989
00:47:21,650 --> 00:47:25,570
Speaker 2: to be under such intense situations at such a young age,

990
00:47:25,890 --> 00:47:29,770
Speaker 2: you don't really know how to deal with it. At

991
00:47:29,770 --> 00:47:31,450
Speaker 2: the end of the day, I can look back on

992
00:47:31,490 --> 00:47:34,090
Speaker 2: it and there's a lot that I can take from,

993
00:47:34,210 --> 00:47:36,290
Speaker 2: a lot I can learn from it. But I am

994
00:47:36,530 --> 00:47:39,730
Speaker 2: happy and I take everything as a learning moment. And

995
00:47:40,090 --> 00:47:42,970
Speaker 2: to be honest, as horrible as it was, it has

996
00:47:43,010 --> 00:47:46,650
Speaker 2: shaped me to who I am. I am very resilient now.

997
00:47:46,850 --> 00:47:49,890
Speaker 2: I can take a lot of emotional hits in day

998
00:47:49,930 --> 00:47:52,290
Speaker 2: to day life, and as much as it sucked at

999
00:47:52,330 --> 00:47:55,810
Speaker 2: the time, I can thank him for that. I'm such strong,

1000
00:47:56,090 --> 00:47:59,330
Speaker 2: such an independent, such a vocal person.

1001
00:47:59,490 --> 00:48:02,410
Speaker 3: So you know, when I'm telling people about this story.

1002
00:48:02,170 --> 00:48:05,450
Speaker 2: They're just like, I can't imagine you being that situation,

1003
00:48:05,490 --> 00:48:09,450
Speaker 2: And people genuinely are and disbelief. And it's just because

1004
00:48:09,490 --> 00:48:11,570
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, I wasn't that per

1005
00:48:11,890 --> 00:48:13,610
Speaker 2: that I was like, I am who I am now

1006
00:48:13,650 --> 00:48:14,890
Speaker 2: because of what I went through.

1007
00:48:15,250 --> 00:48:16,250
Speaker 3: But yeah, it is.

1008
00:48:16,770 --> 00:48:18,690
Speaker 2: It has very much shaped me to be a very

1009
00:48:18,810 --> 00:48:22,210
Speaker 2: strong and assertive person. But yeah, I would never ever

1010
00:48:22,450 --> 00:48:25,130
Speaker 2: put up with that again. And I have such high

1011
00:48:25,130 --> 00:48:28,770
Speaker 2: standards for a relationship now I can safely say I

1012
00:48:28,810 --> 00:48:30,810
Speaker 2: will never watch High School Musical two again.

1013
00:48:31,690 --> 00:48:34,490
Speaker 3: Just walk away and don't look back.

1014
00:48:51,970 --> 00:48:54,890
Speaker 1: Everyone has an ex is a Minti Media production and

1015
00:48:54,970 --> 00:48:57,850
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written

1016
00:48:57,890 --> 00:49:01,530
Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1017
00:49:01,770 --> 00:49:05,210
Speaker 1: If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe,

1018
00:49:05,330 --> 00:49:07,890
Speaker 1: writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can

1019
00:49:07,930 --> 00:49:10,730
Speaker 1: also follow us on Instagram and everyone has an X

1020
00:49:11,050 --> 00:49:12,890
Speaker 1: And if you have a story you'd like to share,

1021
00:49:12,930 --> 00:49:15,890
Speaker 1: you can contact us that everyone has an exit mintimedia

1022
00:49:15,930 --> 00:49:19,450
Speaker 1: dot com dot you or submissions at mamamea dot com

1023
00:49:19,450 --> 00:49:22,370
Speaker 1: dot you with the word submission in the subject field.