Speaker 1: You're listening to I'm im a mea podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to Unleash, the podcast for gen X
Speaker 2: women who need a laugh. Now, if you take songs
Speaker 2: off the radio, crimped your hair, and remember Scott and
Speaker 2: Charlene's wedding like it was yesterday, you're in the right place. Okay,
Speaker 2: So who have we got on the sofa this week?
Speaker 3: Hi?
Speaker 4: I'm Mary Kustas, I'm an actress writer.
Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Sally Hitworth and I'm an author.
Speaker 5: I'm brunapep Andrea, I'm a film and TV producer.
Speaker 6: And I'm Cas Mahoney I'm a comedian.
Speaker 2: So wherever you are, unclinch you jaw, clinch your pelvic
Speaker 2: floor and get ready to unleash.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 6: Who Okay, who's starting us off today? Okay?
Speaker 1: I just want to jump in because I wasn't here
Speaker 1: last week, but I did manage to have a little
Speaker 1: listen and I heard your story, Brunner, about how you
Speaker 1: had escaped from a health retreat.
Speaker 5: Yes, any health retreats.
Speaker 1: Well, I don't know if I was the only one
Speaker 1: to be completely up in arms about this, and I
Speaker 1: actually being the researcher that I am, I decided to
Speaker 1: do a little bit of sluthing and find out how
Speaker 1: common this is. And I actually found a place and
Speaker 1: a person that I could speak to. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to reveal their name or where they're from, but here's
Speaker 1: what I found out.
Speaker 3: I know Your Wellness Retreat is incredibly exclusive. I was wondering,
Speaker 3: how often do you get runners, like people who check
Speaker 3: in and see the itinerary and think I'd rather be
Speaker 3: at Westfield and they just hotfoot it out of there.
Speaker 7: Oh no, I guess don't run. The clientele that we
Speaker 7: do have here. It's a I guess I sort of deeply,
Speaker 7: profoundly intentional about their wellness journey. So they've invested both
Speaker 7: spiritually and financially, simply not an environment that what do
Speaker 7: you say they run from yourself?
Speaker 3: I wouldn't say no, Yeah, no, I mean I get it,
Speaker 3: that makes sense.
Speaker 7: It's an experience of relaxation. So our guests they do
Speaker 7: always stay. We have quite a weight list. Actually, have
Speaker 7: you been to our website?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I have, And look, I would never do anything
Speaker 3: like that, but I do have a friend who she
Speaker 3: actually had booked herself in Not Your Retreat, and she
Speaker 3: then ended up dating a prison break after twenty four hours.
Speaker 3: You didn't even unpack her back.
Speaker 7: I would say that's wildly uncommon. The one time I
Speaker 7: can assure you that we've never had a guest want
Speaker 7: to leave, nor have they left, especially after twenty four hours.
Speaker 7: I mean, frankly, so this type of exclusive retreat, I'd say,
Speaker 7: that's unheard of.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, a pioneer, unheard of, Bruna.
Speaker 1: So I am thinking for the future, either A, don't
Speaker 1: book yourself into this kind of retreat, or B take
Speaker 1: me and I will be the prison warden and I
Speaker 1: will make sure that you stay.
Speaker 6: And I can tag team in the car park.
Speaker 1: We do break and get away care unleashed goes retreat No,
Speaker 1: and you know.
Speaker 5: Can I just defend myself for a second contract.
Speaker 6: But it is unheard off?
Speaker 5: Lovely that number one, she's she's a lying beep.
Speaker 6: She's lying.
Speaker 5: She's lying one hundred percent. I'm not the only one.
Speaker 5: And to my credit, I have publicly said I will
Speaker 5: go again with you guys or a bunch of girlfriends.
Speaker 5: I just don't want to fly solo. And she's lying.
Speaker 5: She's heard of a lying one I heard of.
Speaker 4: I did see Bruna like lose blood from her face.
Speaker 4: When she mentioned this, this is a spiritual and I
Speaker 4: just said that exactly. That's where you lost, Bruna.
Speaker 6: Whereas I want a number yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Unleashed retreat coming soon, guys.
Speaker 5: Speaking of wellness and health retreats. I've got some thoughts
Speaker 5: about book club. Okay, I'm sure many of you are
Speaker 5: members of book clubs. I'm not because I say fuck
Speaker 5: book club. I want boxing club. I want fight club.
Speaker 2: Fight club like proper fighting, or we got gloves on?
Speaker 6: Or is this just like with.
Speaker 5: Okay, please let me explain. Okay, So as some of
Speaker 5: you may or may not know, many of our listeners,
Speaker 5: I'm sure feel the same thing.
Speaker 4: I go on and off?
Speaker 5: How should I put an exercise and physical health?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 5: And when I say on and off, mostly off? Yeah okay.
Speaker 5: So like I will be devout with a trend or
Speaker 5: something or fitness, I'll be like not once a week,
Speaker 5: I'm like six seven times a week and then cut
Speaker 5: to two years later, or I've done nothing. Maybe I
Speaker 5: popped on the treadmill for a quick thirty like okay, Bruna,
Speaker 5: it's time. So I had this revelation recently. I was
Speaker 5: for a minute there, I was going to a place
Speaker 5: down the road, and I was they had boxing and
Speaker 5: CrossFit together, so a bit of pilates, a bit of cores,
Speaker 5: a bit of weights and you know, as we know,
Speaker 5: particularly over fifty, we need the weight training.
Speaker 6: Right.
Speaker 5: So recently I was like, I need some inspiration, a
Speaker 5: bit like book club. I need a bunch of girls.
Speaker 5: I've never really been a group fitness person. So I
Speaker 5: rallied the women that work with me, and I was like,
Speaker 5: full no, I rallied.
Speaker 6: That I did.
Speaker 5: I did pay. I I did offer to pay. I said,
Speaker 5: I will offer to pay for yours and they accept
Speaker 5: ten or eleven classes. They did accept, and seven in
Speaker 5: the morning we went down to the boxing class. And
Speaker 5: as soon as I did it, I remembered what I
Speaker 5: loved about it, because weirdly, I am quite fit for
Speaker 5: someone who has not maintained their fitness. But what I
Speaker 5: love about it, what I love it. I used to
Speaker 5: go to Soul Cycle in America. I like the dark space,
Speaker 5: I like the loud new ze, I like Clubby. Like
Speaker 5: I'm not I'm certainly not going to stop at that
Speaker 5: Bond Bay outdoor gym and push weights, right, but in
Speaker 5: the kind of privacy of a dark room and it's
Speaker 5: pumping music with a bunch of friends. I felt unbelievable.
Speaker 5: Oh guys, here's a fun fact. Nothing's more emotionally satisfying
Speaker 5: than boxing. Because whoever you're mad at, whatever you're frustrated
Speaker 5: about that day, to really let loose on that bag,
Speaker 5: it's pretty amazing. So I would like you to propose
Speaker 5: an unleashed boxing day. I'd like you to come with me.
Speaker 6: I'd be totally up for that. Absolutely. I love boxing totally. Okay,
Speaker 6: it's like the morning nightclub, you know.
Speaker 2: I want to be in a dark space with pumping
Speaker 2: dance music firsting in the morning, caffemated.
Speaker 6: Hell yeah, yeah, that's like clubbing.
Speaker 5: The problem for me is I'm a little bit you know,
Speaker 5: I become upsets. So it's not once and once it's
Speaker 5: not enough. So I'm like five six times a week.
Speaker 5: I've got my own gloves, I've got my own raps,
Speaker 5: I've got my own wraps. Them here today, like the
Speaker 5: actual wraps the boxes wear.
Speaker 1: Wait, how many classes have you done.
Speaker 5: In the last four weeks. I've done about twenty five classes.
Speaker 5: Oh wow, Yeah, yeah, that's InCred Yeah yeah. Do you
Speaker 5: pretend that you're rocky when you're doing it.
Speaker 4: Going up the.
Speaker 5: Stairs, Mary, That's a great question. I do. And like
Speaker 5: yesterday I was like bouncing around like I was rocky.
Speaker 5: Like I'm bouncing around on my feet like light footed,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, who am I rocky?
Speaker 2: So are you punching into like a bag or pads
Speaker 2: on someone's hands?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: No, total full boxing bag And.
Speaker 6: Who is the face on that bag? In your mind?
Speaker 5: Great question, Cath. It changes every day. So when I
Speaker 5: first started, i'd had a business deal go south a
Speaker 5: few years ago, and I'm still, how shall I say it,
Speaker 5: carrying a lot of anger towards the person that dismantled it.
Speaker 5: Someone really sabotaged, They sabotaged on a deal, and I
Speaker 5: do often imagine her face. I'm not gonna lie. I
Speaker 5: do when I'm punching, but it changes. It is kind
Speaker 5: of who I'm frustrated at at the time.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. I don't exercise yeah at all,
Speaker 1: and if I do, I'm very much a yoga person.
Speaker 1: Something where I can be lying down is ideal. And
Speaker 1: while I'm really happy for you that you found your
Speaker 1: box hit, I'm hopeful that you're not going to become
Speaker 1: one of those exercise enthusiasts I am.
Speaker 5: I am going to become I have I've become that person.
Speaker 5: And I going to say just to say, Mary is
Speaker 5: a bit like you, Like she walks or I'm going
Speaker 5: to walk around the park.
Speaker 4: And I do a lot of that.
Speaker 5: I get it, but like that's just not enough as
Speaker 5: you get older, it's not enough. So I might hate
Speaker 5: you both because like, how do you you know, stay taught?
Speaker 5: You're all taught you.
Speaker 2: To do it.
Speaker 5: And I got to say maybe, I mean, maybe I'm
Speaker 5: an optimist and idealist, but look, I just don't think
Speaker 5: it's too late. I want to look like Jal and
Speaker 5: I think I still can.
Speaker 1: We all can't believe that.
Speaker 6: I believe it.
Speaker 4: I believe it.
Speaker 6: Let's do it.
Speaker 4: Let's make a commandment together.
Speaker 6: Let's go.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to say that I'm happy that you
Speaker 1: live in Sydney and I live in.
Speaker 4: Thank you, Sally. I'll be cheering you on from home
Speaker 4: from bed horizontally. Okay, question, We're always on our phones,
Speaker 4: We're always looking for answers in life in general. I
Speaker 4: think that's a big part of, you know, keeping curiosity alive.
Speaker 4: Just as a curious question, what was the last thing
Speaker 4: you googled. Oh, okay, have a look.
Speaker 1: I googled for hints for word all this morning.
Speaker 5: Right, sense?
Speaker 6: Is it cheating?
Speaker 1: Will I play with my dad and my daughter? And
Speaker 1: my dad is really competitive and he always gets it
Speaker 1: in three goes and it really annoys me. So I
Speaker 1: was just going to see if I could find out.
Speaker 5: So you're cheating?
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's allowed, isn't it.
Speaker 2: No, it's not.
Speaker 6: It's cheating. Fine, does your dad know that?
Speaker 4: You but you can?
Speaker 6: What is it exactly?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 4: My god, wheel of fortune, fortune, wheel afford.
Speaker 1: I'm just asking Adriana Exea Mary Coustas.
Speaker 2: Here is what I googled, Because you know how I
Speaker 2: see things in like license plates.
Speaker 6: I have like messages from the universe.
Speaker 2: I saw two to two this morning, so I wanted
Speaker 2: to know two to two angel meaning.
Speaker 1: Yes is very on brown for you.
Speaker 4: Do we know what the answer was?
Speaker 6: Okay?
Speaker 2: Seeing two two two is a gentle, reassuring message from
Speaker 2: the universe to trust the process and find your equilibrium.
Speaker 2: It's about duality, partnership, and harmony.
Speaker 1: Will I say that about everything?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 1: Thanks, sal I'm sure that's what they say about the
Speaker 1: sevens and the ones.
Speaker 6: Yeah, the threes are different. Don't shoot me down, Bruno.
Speaker 5: What Samuel's My Google often is taken up by googling
Speaker 5: TV shows and who's in them. So I'm a little
Speaker 5: bit obsessed with off campus right now. So the last
Speaker 5: thing I googled was the off Campus cast because I'm like,
Speaker 5: where did these kids come from? I mean most of
Speaker 5: them are kids, They're about twenty seven, twenty eight, and
Speaker 5: then I like to know what they've done if I
Speaker 5: like them, and the Australian kid who's in it, I
Speaker 5: was like, I need to know everything. So if I
Speaker 5: watch a show, I tend to do a deep dive
Speaker 5: of like everyone involved. And that show is like one
Speaker 5: of the you cannot even believe how successful that show is,
Speaker 5: bigger than Summer Return Pretty. It's insane and unfortunately I
Speaker 5: was forced to watch it twice with my daughter. Did
Speaker 5: you mind as I covered her thirteen year old eyes?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: I did?
Speaker 5: You can't not like it. It's like this generation's Felicity.
Speaker 5: You know, we had Felicity and they have off Campus Amazing.
Speaker 5: I love, I love, I love knowing what the young
Speaker 5: people are watching. So that's what I googled.
Speaker 1: So were you googling it because you were thinking about
Speaker 1: casting them in something for you or yeah.
Speaker 5: If I like someone or if I see a new face,
Speaker 5: I'm always like, oh, that could be interesting.
Speaker 8: You know.
Speaker 5: I'm always doing a lot of things at once. So yeah,
Speaker 5: there's always a slight thing in the back of my
Speaker 5: mind and I always want to cast people my daughter likes, well,
Speaker 5: that's good, become cool exactly. Yeah. My whole goal is like,
Speaker 5: how do I put Sabrina Carpenter in something in life?
Speaker 5: That's my entire goal with my business.
Speaker 6: You've said it to the universe, to.
Speaker 3: You you you.
Speaker 5: Thanks ladies, thank you.
Speaker 4: I've got to confess something. Yeah, I google. I do
Speaker 4: exactly that, Bruna. I always if I discover someone that
Speaker 4: I've never seen before on screen, I want to know
Speaker 4: everything about them that I do too. But what I
Speaker 4: did discover, which I did not know, was I accidentally
Speaker 4: was witnessed to someone I knew when they were looking
Speaker 4: at their iPad and I accidentally saw the last thing
Speaker 4: that they'd go. This was someone married, et cetera. And
Speaker 4: I saw they were trying to show me something and
Speaker 4: they had to go. They accidentally went back instead of forward,
Speaker 4: and I saw erotic gay porn.
Speaker 6: I love that stuff.
Speaker 4: No, that was a man anyway. I don't want to
Speaker 4: say more than my husband. No hilarious, yeah, George, no anyway.
Speaker 4: But I suspect it anyway, and it was I suspected
Speaker 4: years earlier and it was confirmed. Okay, So sometimes you've
Speaker 4: got to be really careful. I think when you're looking
Speaker 4: over somebody's shoulder. I wasn't doing it like in a
Speaker 4: pervy way. They were just trying to show me something.
Speaker 4: And then they showed me more. But I pretended like
Speaker 4: I didn't see it, and they think I didn't see it.
Speaker 6: Oh, you have to pretend.
Speaker 4: And I know that they don't listen to this.
Speaker 6: It is George hilarious.
Speaker 1: Hey, ladies, I've been thinking about this. It was my
Speaker 1: birthday recently.
Speaker 4: Sally haveworth happy happy birthday. Still young the youngest years
Speaker 4: and we know we know.
Speaker 5: You're younger, Sally will always be the youngest on this podcast.
Speaker 6: Quite wow. Thanks sal.
Speaker 1: But I wrote something on Facebook and Instagram and the
Speaker 1: response really surprised me because it was so enormous. It
Speaker 1: was about how at forty six I am happy and
Speaker 1: how I wish I could turn back the clock to
Speaker 1: when I was forty three and my marriage was falling apart,
Speaker 1: and you know, the future looked incredibly bleak, and I
Speaker 1: wish I could go back and tell them that this
Speaker 1: was what life was going to be like. And the
Speaker 1: things that I talked about as being really special on
Speaker 1: that day were that I had woken up in the
Speaker 1: morning and played wordle with Clementine, which is our morning tradition.
Speaker 1: She's really good at it. And then if we can't
Speaker 1: get it right, we usually ring my mum and dad
Speaker 1: and they will feel.
Speaker 6: It, and they've already done it.
Speaker 1: Often we've cheated, obviously, siRNA has just pointed out. And
Speaker 1: I then had plans to go out for dinner with
Speaker 1: my new partner and his son and my kids, and
Speaker 1: they all get along so well, and we've got this
Speaker 1: tradition that they have to make the world's crappest card,
Speaker 1: and I go around and I read all the crap
Speaker 1: cards and we declare a winner. And so there are
Speaker 1: all these little kind of not particularly special things but
Speaker 1: such special things that kind of mark my birthday now,
Speaker 1: and how they are the real joys now that I
Speaker 1: never would have thought would be a joy three years ago. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the surprising thing to me is that it's not the
Speaker 1: big things that bring me the joy. It's not the
Speaker 1: getting on the New York Times bestseller list, or the
Speaker 1: film deals or the big moments in my life, although
Speaker 1: they are wonderful. The real joys are those little moments
Speaker 1: playing word with my daughter or going out for pizza,
Speaker 1: these fun traditions with the kids. And just got me
Speaker 1: thinking about tiny joys or glimmers as they're called, and
Speaker 1: the things that really make our life wonderful. Do you
Speaker 1: guys have little things like that, little traditions that you
Speaker 1: that you do the little joys of your lives or
Speaker 1: is it the bigger things.
Speaker 2: Now you spot on because you do think when I
Speaker 2: get the house, or when I get the husband, or
Speaker 2: when I get the deal, or when I get that car,
Speaker 2: when I lose three kilos, and they're not the things
Speaker 2: at all. I know that this is not up everyone's alley,
Speaker 2: but I do like a gratitude list every morning, only
Speaker 2: it's only like three or four things, Or send it
Speaker 2: to a friend overseas she sends me hers, and it's
Speaker 2: a really lovely way to like reset your morning because
Speaker 2: at the moment I'm very pary waking up at three
Speaker 2: in the morning like this morning, worried about all of
Speaker 2: the rubbish in the world.
Speaker 6: Where does it go? Where does it go?
Speaker 2: Never worried about that before, and so I need that
Speaker 2: reset in the morning to do that. But some of
Speaker 2: the little things that bring me joy are my parents
Speaker 2: live on the other side of the world, and you
Speaker 2: know they're late seventies now, Anna Pete.
Speaker 6: Making them laugh, like.
Speaker 2: We speak pretty much every day, and to make my
Speaker 2: mum and dad laugh just brings me so much joy.
Speaker 2: And also this sounds really daggy, but I think it's
Speaker 2: quite gen x. Putting on songs I love, and workshopping
Speaker 2: outfits and dancing in front of the mirror alone, like
Speaker 2: getting a banger on.
Speaker 6: And then going, oh my god, I never thought about.
Speaker 2: This dress with those shoes and the scuff and like,
Speaker 2: it's just pure joy.
Speaker 6: I am single currently.
Speaker 5: Apparently apparently between husbands. I mean, it's so funny that
Speaker 5: you talked about this, and I did read your piece
Speaker 5: on Facebook and I was very moved by it, and
Speaker 5: I could see that other people were too, And Mary
Speaker 5: and I talk about this a lot. In fact, we
Speaker 5: were talking about this this morning, that the things that
Speaker 5: bring us most happiness are kind of available to everyone, right,
Speaker 5: Like I love every day I drive past the ocean
Speaker 5: and I look at it and I go, oh my god,
Speaker 5: this is available to everyone. But it brings me so
Speaker 5: much joy. And it is the little it's the tiny
Speaker 5: things for me too. And I've had a lot of
Speaker 5: high highs. I think we all have had those big
Speaker 5: career highs. But the thing that makes me laugh, like
Speaker 5: I'll have something make me laugh and I will laugh
Speaker 5: about it for five years. Yeah, I'm not even kidding,
Speaker 5: and I will never forget. I saw a couple was
Speaker 5: there ape of years ago, but he was also someone
Speaker 5: who dealt with a lot of people who were very
Speaker 5: close to death, and he said, trust me, no one
Speaker 5: is ever thinking about like the houses they didn't have,
Speaker 5: the things they didn't have. Ever at the end of
Speaker 5: their life. They only thinking about their interactions with the
Speaker 5: people that they love. And so that I think that
Speaker 5: tiny joy thing and all those core memories that you have,
Speaker 5: I feel exactly the same way. It's all that. It's
Speaker 5: like playing cards with friends. It's it's you know, funny
Speaker 5: story shared over a meal. It's just stupid things we
Speaker 5: all do. And it is it really is the stuff.
Speaker 5: I mean, I don't want to, you know, sound too earnest,
Speaker 5: but it's the stuff that's free.
Speaker 6: It is. It is a free style. It's so true.
Speaker 1: That's a really good point.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Mary, what about you?
Speaker 4: Well, you know, Sally started talking and I immediately wanted
Speaker 4: to burst into tears. Just just just the way we
Speaker 4: choreograph our lives every day is really super important. And
Speaker 4: if you can find some joy in these little things,
Speaker 4: then you're covered. I really do think that you're equipped
Speaker 4: to handle the bigger things because you've always got those free,
Speaker 4: fundamental things to lean back on. Obviously, I had a
Speaker 4: long journey to motherhood, and I you know, during those
Speaker 4: endless IVF attempts, I would fantasize about what I wanted,
Speaker 4: not only the child, but the things that I would
Speaker 4: do with that child. And I conceived my child in Greece,
Speaker 4: in Athens, and so obviously Greece has a huge place
Speaker 4: in my heart. And we took our daughter there for
Speaker 4: the first time at five and a half months, and
Speaker 4: we've been going back every year since. And we're big
Speaker 4: card players and game players in our family, and my
Speaker 4: daughter and I because we get a bit little earlier
Speaker 4: than my husband. Will sit near the water and we'll
Speaker 4: play cards. I've got plastic Uno cards. I've got plastic
Speaker 4: playing cards. On every beach we've been on, At every
Speaker 4: little cafe that we've sat at for years, we played
Speaker 4: cards for breakfast. She has a nice chocolate, I have
Speaker 4: a coffee, and it's just those simple little rituals. Will
Speaker 4: walk there from where, you know, we'll go to our
Speaker 4: favorite swimming spot and we'll do that. We you know,
Speaker 4: it's a huge part of my love of Greece and
Speaker 4: my love of my daughter is that we can share
Speaker 4: that little playful stuff together, all those tiny little things,
Speaker 4: and we still do a lot of that, even at
Speaker 4: like she's going to be thirteen this year, we're still
Speaker 4: doing that stuff and I love it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I could not agree more.
Speaker 4: Look, I had many many years where things weren't working out,
Speaker 4: you know, where my biggest dream was so far away
Speaker 4: from me. But I found that if I could just
Speaker 4: focus on something small every day, it made a huge
Speaker 4: difference to me. Like some days I'd wake up and
Speaker 4: I'd be so low and I'd think I'm just going
Speaker 4: to grab a coffee, and then someone would put a
Speaker 4: funny you know, how they do those little coffee cream illustrations.
Speaker 4: And I had this barista that lived close by at
Speaker 4: a cafe. He worked there every day and he would
Speaker 4: do big boobs and nipple sticking out for me or
Speaker 4: something funny or you know, like, you've got to find
Speaker 4: those small little things that start, you know, giving you
Speaker 4: hope and meaning, I think every day. Otherwise life can
Speaker 4: get very very hard, especially when you're so far away
Speaker 4: from where you want to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's like Sue said, you know, a few
Speaker 2: years ago when your marriage ended, you couldn't imagine being
Speaker 2: this happy.
Speaker 6: And you do get through it, don't you. You do?
Speaker 1: And you actually you get through it by sort of
Speaker 1: changing your your vision a little bit and being able
Speaker 1: to see the little tiny moments within all of the
Speaker 1: difficult stuff. And actually, during that really hard time, some
Speaker 1: of the weirdly most beautiful moments I've had were one
Speaker 1: little I'd be walking the dog and there would be
Speaker 1: a beautiful sunset or something, and I'd force my mind
Speaker 1: to go, this is beautiful. Like everything else is bad,
Speaker 1: but this is one beautiful thing. And also I used
Speaker 1: to send it to someone at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: like you do with your gratitude list and training your
Speaker 1: mind to look for that one good thing, almost like
Speaker 1: you're kind of on a treasure hunt for a joy
Speaker 1: can sometimes be the thing that can turn you around.
Speaker 5: If yeh's so funny. I was listening to Mel Robbins
Speaker 5: had an interesting guest. I can't remember her name. She
Speaker 5: was a big Wall Street gun. This woman, she was amazing.
Speaker 5: I loved hearing her talk about you know how to
Speaker 5: win basically. And then this woman called in. They played
Speaker 5: someone who called in, and she said, I've had to
Speaker 5: I'm exhausted. I've had to reinvent myself so many times.
Speaker 5: I always do it, and I've always been optimistic, but
Speaker 5: I just feel like completely depleted and I just can't
Speaker 5: do it again. And the woman gave the best advice,
Speaker 5: which is kind of speaks to this, which is just like,
Speaker 5: well it's not today, Like just give yourself grace, right.
Speaker 5: I love this kind of idea of giving yourself grace and.
Speaker 1: If it's not today, maybe it's tomorrow.
Speaker 4: Exactly a few years ago, I was listening to doctor
Speaker 4: Tim Sharp from the Happiness Institute, and I'll never forget
Speaker 4: what he said, brings people the most happiness and it's
Speaker 4: not what we think. It's a successful bowel movement on
Speaker 4: the time with him, Yeah, he said that literally makes
Speaker 4: us feel so happy because we're released literally of shit
Speaker 4: in this case eight hours of good sleep yep, just
Speaker 4: simple physical things that we're going through. And this is
Speaker 4: what menopause taught me, you know, because it hit me
Speaker 4: really hard psychologically. Is I wasn't depressed. I was depleted,
Speaker 4: and we sometimes physically in a space that's holding us
Speaker 4: back from feeling good about things and ourselves and how
Speaker 4: we view the world. So I think there's some answers there.
Speaker 6: But it's like Bruno said, most of these joys actually free.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: I'm feeling really really flat and nothing is working. Got
Speaker 2: a beautiful partner where I live, and I just go
Speaker 2: and sit on the bench and watch.
Speaker 6: The dogs like people with their dogs. So I don't
Speaker 6: have it.
Speaker 2: I'd love a dog, I don't have one, and you
Speaker 2: just you can't be sad. Then I do, like the
Speaker 2: dog voices in my head, different voice, but that's free
Speaker 2: and you cannot be miserable.
Speaker 6: But it's very difficult to not lift your kind of mood.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Ricky Gervase talks about this a lot, obviously, he's
Speaker 4: got a huge love of dogs. Now here's an edgy
Speaker 4: comic known worldwide for his you know, view of religion
Speaker 4: versus science and you know, questions everything. One of those
Speaker 4: great public figures that is like literally makes comedy out
Speaker 4: of questioning things that we take for granted. He said,
Speaker 4: there is nothing greater because he's a huge animal advocate.
Speaker 4: Then patting a million dogs in the morning when he
Speaker 4: walks with his partner, he said, that is just an
Speaker 4: antidepressant for me. I just focus on this, these these hairy,
Speaker 4: joyful cre that just want a pat to be happy,
Speaker 4: and you know, sometimes it just takes that.
Speaker 1: There's a project called Big Joy that is being run
Speaker 1: through the University of California by the Greater Good Science Center,
Speaker 1: and it's a program where anyone can take part and
Speaker 1: it requires a time commitment of seven minutes a day
Speaker 1: for seven days, and it has activities that studies suggest
Speaker 1: are likely to increase positive emotions. And the whole point
Speaker 1: of it it is for us to work out what
Speaker 1: makes us feel good and what doesn't. And it's had
Speaker 1: a huge response. So there's a lot of science behind
Speaker 1: this idea of micro joys, understanding what brings us joy
Speaker 1: and looking for them every day.
Speaker 5: And that's an honest Sally. That's an online thing that
Speaker 5: people can access.
Speaker 1: Yes, you can just google the Big Joy Project and
Speaker 1: there have been almost half a million acts of micro joy.
Speaker 6: I love that. Wow.
Speaker 2: And it's free and it's free and it's joyful. Less
Speaker 2: than an hour we all need to do seven days. Okay, No,
Speaker 2: it's seven minutes in seven days. It's seven hour.
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah, see you guys, I did that. It's I
Speaker 8: got it right.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah.
Speaker 9: Your maths gives me joy me too, all right.
Speaker 5: Gang.
Speaker 2: So Lewis, my beautiful son, is finally starting to drive.
Speaker 2: He turned seventeen in March. I would have chewed my
Speaker 2: mum and dad's arm off to get me driving like
Speaker 2: the day after I turned seventeen, but lose a bit
Speaker 2: more kind of you know, slow and steady on how
Speaker 2: he's rolling anyway. So we've got a lovely driving instructor
Speaker 2: called Dom, who's you know, got the car. He's got
Speaker 2: the air can, he's got the automatic. You know, he's
Speaker 2: got the plush in he is And as I saw
Speaker 2: Lewis kind of take off.
Speaker 6: Is that the right phrase? For the first time?
Speaker 2: It took me back to me learning to drive, because
Speaker 2: it was a lot different to Don with the electric
Speaker 2: steering for us kef.
Speaker 1: And we didn't take off, we bunny hopped down.
Speaker 2: It was a lot. I grew up in South Wales.
Speaker 2: I'm not Welsh, I'm English. So in South Wales there
Speaker 2: is a name. It's not very popular anywhe else in
Speaker 2: Mill but Dilwin is quite a Welsh name. So my
Speaker 2: driving instructor was called Dilwin deal I l w w
Speaker 2: y n And he really loved his name because he
Speaker 2: had a personalized number plate that said dill one hundred.
Speaker 2: So dil would get out the front seat, move to
Speaker 2: the passenger seat which had like the double the pedals side,
Speaker 2: I get.
Speaker 6: In the front. This was before electric power steering. Can
Speaker 6: you remember how old it was to drive? And then
Speaker 6: you had the choke, the clutch, the biting point.
Speaker 5: We had to learn the biting point.
Speaker 6: Remember the biting It was like had and he'll be like.
Speaker 6: But the best and worst of Dilwin was the fact
Speaker 6: that he traveled from his name. Apart from his name.
Speaker 2: He traveled side saddle with a wooden ruler on his lap.
Speaker 2: So every time I did something, none or I didn't
Speaker 2: listen to what he did. He whacked me on the
Speaker 2: legs with the wooden ruler.
Speaker 4: I don't like Dilwin and his name.
Speaker 2: I know you, but I think that would be illegal
Speaker 2: in most countries. He would slap you on the legs.
Speaker 2: Was he midd laid like he was with gray haird
Speaker 2: He wasn't hot deal, but yeah, he would hit your
Speaker 2: deal was creepy. I have to say though, I was
Speaker 2: first cab off the rank. Then my brother James, then
Speaker 2: my sister Sarah, all went through with Dilwin, and the
Speaker 2: three of us all passed first time.
Speaker 6: I think it was the.
Speaker 4: Fear, yes of the ruler.
Speaker 2: Yes, the fear of the ruler. So I thought today's
Speaker 2: blastomer past. When we go back in time, ladies should
Speaker 2: be driving lessons.
Speaker 6: Who remembers that?
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, I mean I've spoken about my parallel parking
Speaker 4: because you know, I've been using a Mary thank you
Speaker 4: very average, a driving instructor. But he did teach me
Speaker 4: how to parallel park. But of course you pay for
Speaker 4: your driving lessons from a professional, and then you lean
Speaker 4: on people, you know, sometimes family members to clock up
Speaker 4: your hours. Right, So my brother was that person for me.
Speaker 4: It was not good for our relationship at all. I
Speaker 4: remember in the middle of a very busy road him
Speaker 4: yelling at me, and I pulled over and I got
Speaker 4: out of the car and I screamed else for fucking learner.
Speaker 5: Because of how.
Speaker 4: Ruler.
Speaker 6: He did not have a ruler.
Speaker 4: But if I'd had a bloody mallet, I would have
Speaker 4: given him for what five At that point really broke.
Speaker 5: I don't think family should people to drive. That's my theory.
Speaker 4: Mary, Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 6: Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: No. Well, I don't really remember my driving lessons that well.
Speaker 1: What I do remember is my driving test. And I
Speaker 1: don't know if you guys know this about me, but
Speaker 1: I'm an extremely cautious person, and I know it doesn't
Speaker 1: really fit with the rest of my personality. But I
Speaker 1: was a very slow driver, and I took my driving
Speaker 1: lessons very seriously, and so when it got to the test,
Speaker 1: I really wanted to make sure that I passed and
Speaker 1: I was doing everything right. The examiner pulled me over
Speaker 1: during the test and said, if you keep going this slow,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have to fail you.
Speaker 5: Prop Yes, I mean it's a thing to drive too slow.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, My memories are not too much about lessons although
Speaker 5: I do remember going for my test and failing because
Speaker 5: my leg was shaking so much. Oh yeah, I was
Speaker 5: terrible with that because it because I was nervous. But
Speaker 5: my memories, and in fact, I was reminded because I
Speaker 5: was watching for the seventy fifth time Sex and the
Speaker 5: City the other day, and do you remember the episode
Speaker 5: Cary goes to LA and she has to drive stick
Speaker 5: and there's a lot of hills. So I started going
Speaker 5: to Los Angeles when I was really young, and so
Speaker 5: I would flit and flot for both sides of the road, right,
Speaker 5: which is like no small thing. So my trick was
Speaker 5: I'd put a little mark on my right hand, which
Speaker 5: just reminds you what side of the road you're supposed
Speaker 5: to be on. It's like a visual cue. But I
Speaker 5: was in love with the idea of driving along Sunset
Speaker 5: Boulevard in a convertible, so I would hire these Mustang convertibles,
Speaker 5: which was stick, and I just had so many memories.
Speaker 5: I think of the first time I took it back
Speaker 5: after like ten minutes, a bit like carry and Sex
Speaker 5: and the City. And the second time I was on
Speaker 5: a hill and I was like, oh no, I'm going
Speaker 5: to roll back and kill the person behind me. But
Speaker 5: to them, my memories of driving are all kind of
Speaker 5: associated with like this fantasy of driving with the hood
Speaker 5: down and down Sunset Boulevard in California Cobine. And I'm
Speaker 5: not driven stick in years, but I've got to tell
Speaker 5: you I still now, to this day, thirty years later,
Speaker 5: I drive down Sunset and I have that same feeling.
Speaker 5: You're like, oh my god, I'm in Outwood, I'm on
Speaker 5: Sunset Boulevard, but I won't drive stick all convertible again.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, stick, baby, that's so hot. We call it manual.
Speaker 5: Yeah. I've spent i don't know, married twenty five years
Speaker 5: in America, So in America we call it sticks.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and you've got still the most Aussie accent I've
Speaker 4: ever heard. So stick that.
Speaker 1: Stop giving a stick about a stick.
Speaker 5: I mean, our kids may not learn to drive it.
Speaker 5: You're going to be driving soon, guys, it's coming. What
Speaker 5: Dylwind a job?
Speaker 4: Yeah, my dad forced my mom to get a license
Speaker 4: in the early seventies. You know, it's very forward thinking
Speaker 4: and and he's like, you're going to learn how to drive,
Speaker 4: and you're going to be able to take yourself anywhere
Speaker 4: you need to go and I don't want door now.
Speaker 4: But she got a driver's license.
Speaker 1: Did she have driving lessons?
Speaker 4: She had driving lessons. She had many driving lessons, and
Speaker 4: she got her driver's license. I think it was nineteen
Speaker 4: seventy one or seventy two now. She drove three times
Speaker 4: with all of us in the car during those years,
Speaker 4: three times only three times stacked. Yeah, And so we
Speaker 4: retired her, but she kept renewing her driver's license right
Speaker 4: because she always she didn't want to have to go
Speaker 4: for it again should she need it one day. Well,
Speaker 4: then my dad died many years later, and she was
Speaker 4: in deep mourning and trapped at home because my brother
Speaker 4: was working and I was touring a lot at the
Speaker 4: time with various stage shows. So we bought her a
Speaker 4: car and we put it in the driveway and we said,
Speaker 4: you're going to have to learn how to drive again,
Speaker 4: and she said, I can't do it now. And then
Speaker 4: we got us some lessons, and she's never been out
Speaker 4: of the car since. You say, I think we're running
Speaker 4: low on milk, I'll log get it.
Speaker 5: I'll gog get it with my car.
Speaker 4: And she goes everywhere. And I remember when my daughter
Speaker 4: was born, she was up in Sydney with me because
Speaker 4: my mum lives in Melbourne. And for about two or
Speaker 4: three years, on and off I had here say to
Speaker 4: her girlfriends on the landline because she's very into landlines.
Speaker 4: I mish my car anymore. Oh no, she drives.
Speaker 1: Because Grace she was following her in her car.
Speaker 4: She saw her near my brother's cafe. Yes, she's driving everywhere.
Speaker 6: She drives faster than New Sally. Hepworth not hard. Okay.
Speaker 2: There is nothing better than solving problems, and it's even
Speaker 2: better when there are other people's problems the best. We
Speaker 2: love doing this segment, don't we It's time for other
Speaker 2: people's problems. This is where you send us your dilemmas,
Speaker 2: your questions, your life's difficulties, and we offer absolutely terrible advice.
Speaker 2: This week's problem comes from someone who calls herself Hotel Mum.
Speaker 10: Hi Alicia's I'm fifty five divorced and I finally thought
Speaker 10: I had my life back then. My twenty eight year
Speaker 10: old son slunk back home after a bad breakup for
Speaker 10: a few weeks.
Speaker 5: That was two years ago.
Speaker 10: He's got a great corporate job and he's generally saving
Speaker 10: for a deposit. Except saving apparently means buying forty dollars
Speaker 10: Wago steaks and boutique beer while treating my house like
Speaker 10: a hotel. The absolute breaking point, I came home early
Speaker 10: and found him and a girl I'd never met using
Speaker 10: my on suite, not his bathroom mine. When I said something,
Speaker 10: he actually suggested I was tense and needed to do
Speaker 10: some breath work. I love him, he's my son, but
Speaker 10: I want my house back. I want to walk into
Speaker 10: the kitchen without putting a bra on. First help, what
Speaker 10: do I do?
Speaker 4: Oh? I love that he used the en suite. I
Speaker 4: hope that's outrageous.
Speaker 1: Was he pretending that it was his house and it
Speaker 1: was the mark he was?
Speaker 4: Oh, must have been so embarrassing when his mother walked in.
Speaker 1: What do you think Brune's I mean, I'm I'm outraged.
Speaker 5: I'm outraged by the on swite thing. Can you imagine?
Speaker 5: I mean, I do think it's funny. That's the whole
Speaker 5: moving back to high and saving money. We're right, we're
Speaker 5: kind of we know people yes where you know the
Speaker 5: cost of living is high, so people are coming back
Speaker 5: home to live. I want my kids to come back home,
Speaker 5: so I fully encourage it. They haven't left yet.
Speaker 2: They did.
Speaker 5: I really hope they come home.
Speaker 1: I've got some advice for the listener. You can do
Speaker 1: what my parents did, and that was my parents were
Speaker 1: very pro travel. They traveled a lot themselves. So each
Speaker 1: of my brothers, who were twins and I all got
Speaker 1: a ticket overseas for our twenty first birthday, So off
Speaker 1: we went. And then because there's only eighteen months between us,
Speaker 1: we all came home at the same time and moved
Speaker 1: back into the family home. Six weeks later, my dad
Speaker 1: put the house up for sale. They moved into a
Speaker 1: one bedroom apartment sally it's to find a new place
Speaker 1: to live. And at the same time they bought a
Speaker 1: beach house which had plenty of room for all of us,
Speaker 1: but not so so we could come and visit, but
Speaker 1: we couldn't move in to live. And it's actually worked
Speaker 1: out really well.
Speaker 5: Do any of you go live in the beach house.
Speaker 6: No, we all had to.
Speaker 1: We were forced to find somewhere to live, and we
Speaker 1: traveled and we had lived alone, and we had to
Speaker 1: make it on our own, and it was actually a
Speaker 1: really good thing. And taking into account, you know, things
Speaker 1: are hard, and there's one thing to move in home
Speaker 1: to save money. But you can't be disrespecting that he's
Speaker 1: an adult, he's earning money. That's not okay. I think
Speaker 1: the mom has to.
Speaker 5: Put some nice Can I tell you there's a I
Speaker 5: think I feel like I've told some people this because
Speaker 5: I read an article. This must have been three years
Speaker 5: ago now, and this is a real story. An Italian
Speaker 5: mother took her to forty something year old sons to
Speaker 5: court because they would not move out. Wow, and that
Speaker 5: she was just fucking she'd had jack of it, like
Speaker 5: she was like supporting them. They were in their forties
Speaker 5: and they just wouldn't move out. So she took them
Speaker 5: to court.
Speaker 6: But how can they she take them to court?
Speaker 1: Like, can't she just say leave if?
Speaker 5: Apparently she tried, they wouldn't leave, so she took them
Speaker 5: to court.
Speaker 6: Wow did she win on fact? I think she won?
Speaker 1: Okay, So that's another option for our yea.
Speaker 4: I remember, you know, like being European, you know, parents
Speaker 4: just want you there forever. Obviously not Italian mum, obviously
Speaker 4: not where the really old.
Speaker 1: Cho parents don't feel that way.
Speaker 4: But I remember growing up, our neighbors started charging their
Speaker 4: children board.
Speaker 6: Yes, we lived in a.
Speaker 4: Very Anglo suburb. And I think that motivated them thinking, well,
Speaker 4: if I'm paying my mom and i'm maybe I'll just
Speaker 4: go and pay rent and not have her nagging me
Speaker 4: and you know, questioning everything I do and being able
Speaker 4: to have sex anytime I want in the house that
Speaker 4: I'm renting, as opposed to waiting for my mom to
Speaker 4: leave the house for me to have sex, possibly in
Speaker 4: her bedroom if they're using the en suite.
Speaker 10: Ye.
Speaker 2: Look, if I lived closer to my parents who live
Speaker 2: in the Cotswolds, I would probably move back in with her.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh my god, I'm so happy on my grown
Speaker 4: house and stay at my mom's.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's a dream. It's a dream.
Speaker 4: But living with someone going back to that, especially if
Speaker 4: you have lived away from home, that's when it starts,
Speaker 4: when it starts becoming too permanent. I think it's putting
Speaker 4: pressure on by.
Speaker 6: Change the logs.
Speaker 2: All right, So our official advice Hotel Mum is you
Speaker 2: have three options, sell the house, charge.
Speaker 6: In board or number three, which I think we all
Speaker 6: like taking to court. Yeah, happy to help.
Speaker 2: Well, I think we are at the end of another
Speaker 2: fabulous episode.
Speaker 6: Ladies.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you, and for everyone listening. If this
Speaker 2: episode has made you laugh, made you think, made you cry.
Speaker 6: Actually, we weren't very emotional this week. Tears this week.
Speaker 2: Share the episode and follow us on Apple And a
Speaker 2: big shout out to Deb who reached out to say.
Speaker 6: That Unleashed makes her week. So thank you. Deb.
Speaker 2: Please never stop sending us your messages. Read them all
Speaker 2: and we absolutely love them, don't we, Lady, We please.
Speaker 6: Absolutely love them.
Speaker 2: You can dm us on Instagram anytime you want an
Speaker 2: Unleashed dot show.
Speaker 6: And, as we like to say, ladies, see you next Tuesday.
Speaker 2: Until then, stay unfiltered, stay unreasonable, stay unleashed.
Speaker 4: Bye.
Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on