Speaker 1: You're listening to another Mia podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges the
Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this podcast
Speaker 1: on the Gatagoul people of the Eur Nation. We pay
Speaker 1: our respects to their elders past and present, and extend
Speaker 1: that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Rate islander cultures.
Speaker 2: Hi, it's Anali's Todd here from this Glorious Mess, introducing
Speaker 2: hot Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across
Speaker 2: the Mummamere network, just for you to escape the chaos
Speaker 2: and enjoy with the kids at home and the weather
Speaker 2: warming up. We've got episodes of Parents' Anonymous to share.
Speaker 2: Parents Anonymous is part game show, part church confessional. You
Speaker 2: share your deepest parenting shame, and myself and Stacey Hicks
Speaker 2: rate you, but the worst parenting wins the most points,
Speaker 2: so really you can't lose. And if you want more,
Speaker 2: there's a link in the show.
Speaker 3: Enjoy Parents Anonymous.
Speaker 4: Welcome to this Glorious Mess.
Speaker 2: I'm Analy's Todd, one brazzled ring master trying to tame
Speaker 2: a two ring circus of hormonal preteens and barely keeping
Speaker 2: this shit show on the road.
Speaker 3: OW that sounds like a fun time. And I'm Stacey Hicks.
Speaker 3: I'm the deputy editor here at Mama Meha and I
Speaker 3: was a type A perfectionist and a control freak until
Speaker 3: I had a toddler who now controls everything.
Speaker 4: I would like more drama for your intro next. Oh sorry, feedback?
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, welcome back to Parents Anonymous. It brought
Speaker 2: to you by this glorious mess.
Speaker 3: Yes, and Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, part game show.
Speaker 3: So it's where you tell us a story and get
Speaker 3: the guilt of your chest and we give you made
Speaker 3: up points based on just how juicy the stories are.
Speaker 3: And there's no real method to our point system. It's
Speaker 3: just based on vibes. Vibe check. Yeah, it's just a
Speaker 3: vibe check with except last week I actually revealed one
Speaker 3: of my own confessions and scored an eleven out of ten.
Speaker 3: So clearly we're doing something wrong with the rating system. Yes,
Speaker 3: because it was a good one.
Speaker 4: It was my highest scoring system yet.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and you're a tough marker.
Speaker 4: Actually am Actually Yeah.
Speaker 3: And if you missed the episode, we'll pop it in
Speaker 3: the show notes. I had to maguiver in a situation
Speaker 3: where I was busting for the actually, I'm not gonna
Speaker 3: give it all away. You go back and listen to
Speaker 3: the episode. But speaking about it in the office, it
Speaker 3: obviously became big chatter here.
Speaker 4: Any emojis ensued.
Speaker 3: What of our colleagues said to me, Oh, yeah, we've
Speaker 3: all done it, have we?
Speaker 2: I don't. I don't know if we have me.
Speaker 4: I don't know if I haven't.
Speaker 3: I have not didn't share it with the soul for
Speaker 3: three years, so that tells me that we probably don't
Speaker 3: like That's how deep the shame was. But maybe she
Speaker 3: was just trying to make me feel better. It was
Speaker 3: good that you released it, Yes, physically and metaphorically release
Speaker 3: safe space.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm just.
Speaker 3: Waiting for you to reveal one of your secrets now.
Speaker 2: Well, that will happen when you are least expecting it.
Speaker 2: Stacy can't wait, and this show doesn't exist without your
Speaker 2: guilty confession, So please leave us a voice note, or
Speaker 2: if you want to be fully anonymous, let's see if
Speaker 2: I've learnt to say, and we can protect your annomin note.
Speaker 4: I can't stay an anominy to you.
Speaker 2: Next week you can email us and we can read
Speaker 2: it out for you and just have a look in
Speaker 2: the show.
Speaker 4: Notes for all of your confession options.
Speaker 3: Yes, last week I submitted my confession fully anonymously. Not
Speaker 3: even our producer Grace or an Alice knew that it
Speaker 3: was me, so proof that it works, no one will
Speaker 3: ever know it's you. So to get us in the
Speaker 3: mood for confessing, we're just going to throw out a
Speaker 3: few of our little mini confessions to make you feel better,
Speaker 3: to make you feel safe with us. You know, we
Speaker 3: are hot messes. We do stuff all the time. We're terrible, terrible,
Speaker 3: terrible and sufferable people.
Speaker 4: So humans. Really, it's just a little warm up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, these aren't too bad. But one of mine is
Speaker 3: that when my daughter was at that point where there
Speaker 3: about one or two where they just want to grab
Speaker 3: everything that you have, and she used to be obsessed
Speaker 3: with my phone.
Speaker 4: Monkey see monkey do.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well yeah, I'm not setting a grade room.
Speaker 2: Ah.
Speaker 3: She used to want to just grab it and slob
Speaker 3: her all over it. So I used to sometimes pretend
Speaker 3: I was reading a book, but really I had my
Speaker 3: phone inside the book, so you were Wow, she wasn't
Speaker 3: interested in my book.
Speaker 2: So you were hiding your phone behind a book in
Speaker 2: front of your child.
Speaker 3: I regret nothing. It was great. Actually it's good.
Speaker 4: And also it's better modeling.
Speaker 3: Exactly pick up your book, girls, look at mummy, perfect example.
Speaker 4: That's actually genius. The modeling you well done.
Speaker 2: And mine is a parenting strategy that I probably wouldn't recommend,
Speaker 2: but look, it does work. I don't know if it's
Speaker 2: potential trauma impacting to the children, but sometimes, because I'm
Speaker 2: a single parent, so when my kids are really kicking
Speaker 2: off and fighting and they're not listening to me and
Speaker 2: I just can't get them to stop, sometime I will
Speaker 2: just pretend to have a little.
Speaker 4: Teary and say I can't, guys, I.
Speaker 2: Can't, you know, I'll pretend to cry as a defense mechanism.
Speaker 2: I imagine in the wild, in the jungle, like some
Speaker 2: animals play dead.
Speaker 4: It's like that. It's like just playing dead.
Speaker 3: I can just imagine the beautiful little single tear trickling
Speaker 3: down your cheek. I bet you can cry.
Speaker 4: I feel like crying just now thinking about it. I'm
Speaker 4: so well versed at it.
Speaker 3: Such a method, actress. I love it. So. On today's show,
Speaker 3: we have three new mystery confessions that we haven't heard,
Speaker 3: so we're hearing these for the very first time. And
Speaker 3: this week. The names of them are. Bribery is always
Speaker 3: on the cards, always correct. Did I waste emergency services time?
Speaker 3: Oh god, another one of these?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 3: Okay, sorry to our frontline workers. And am I missing something?
Speaker 2: My son was getting really nervous in soccer, and it
Speaker 2: was in all honesty making him play badly. It was
Speaker 2: and he didn't like the sport or I was forcing him.
Speaker 2: He loved training. It was just the games where he
Speaker 2: got really in his head. So after weeks of this,
Speaker 2: I said, if you can kick one goal, I will.
Speaker 4: Literally buy you anything. Anything's in all capitals.
Speaker 2: My wife was not super supportive of this, as it
Speaker 2: was just bribery, not encouragement, but I told him the bet.
Speaker 4: Was still on a bet. It's interesting, you said, language
Speaker 4: will unpack that.
Speaker 2: Anyway, he went out and played the best game and
Speaker 2: kicked two goals. Sure it was straight up bribery, but
Speaker 2: it got him out of his head. Say see, I
Speaker 2: would argue, this is not bribery. This is recognition and
Speaker 2: reward system exactly.
Speaker 3: This is an achievement plan.
Speaker 2: Yes, we have to do this in work, we're measured
Speaker 2: on metrics and results and success in primary school, high school, adult.
Speaker 2: This is a realistic thing that we all have to
Speaker 2: live by. Recently we had the Olympics, We've got the Paralympics.
Speaker 2: This is gold medals. They're not just giving out participation medals.
Speaker 2: It's gold, silver, and bronze. You are rewarded for excellence.
Speaker 2: And I would argue that this is rewarding this soccer
Speaker 2: player for excellence.
Speaker 3: I love it. I am concerned by the use of
Speaker 3: the word anything, yes, because I feel like kids, you
Speaker 3: give them an inch, they will take a mile. I
Speaker 3: would love to know what he ended up picking.
Speaker 4: Same like you know, I'm just thinking a.
Speaker 3: Robot, Yeah, like a like was it a PS five? Yes,
Speaker 3: it would have been something like that, wouldn't it. And
Speaker 3: two goals? Does that mean he got to pick two
Speaker 3: things two of the same two ps fives. I feel
Speaker 3: like you've got to put them some conditions in place
Speaker 3: in these Cozi lefts dives.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So for that, I think this is great. And
Speaker 4: you know what people do stick a charts.
Speaker 2: I think this is the only the only thing here
Speaker 2: is really just the use of the word anything yep
Speaker 2: in these cause he lives times yep. So I would
Speaker 2: say everything else in this is a parenting strategy.
Speaker 4: Win I'm going to go eight soccer balls out of ten.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's fair. This is just positive reinforcement.
Speaker 3: This is like, you know, every time the dog goes outside,
Speaker 3: do we and you did?
Speaker 2: Good boy?
Speaker 4: This is just that toilet training for soccer.
Speaker 3: Yes, exactly, love it, love it. I will give you
Speaker 3: nine soccer balls out of ten.
Speaker 4: I love it all right.
Speaker 3: All right, on to the next And the next one
Speaker 3: is called did I waste emergency services time? And I
Speaker 3: think if you're asking the question, the answer is probably yes.
Speaker 4: It's good self reflection though, that's yeah, first up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but here we go. One night, my child was
Speaker 3: screaming like she was in a horrific pain. It was
Speaker 3: scary and so full on. I thought something terrible was
Speaker 3: going on to her internal organs. Oh, that's sorry, I
Speaker 3: didn't mean to laugh. That's awful. I called an ambulance.
Speaker 3: They arrived, all sirens and two paramedics. They diagnosed the
Speaker 3: problem pretty quickly. Though. It was a night terror. Oh
Speaker 3: oh look, my little one has night terrors. Sometimes it
Speaker 3: is very dramatic. It does feel like a very scary thing.
Speaker 3: In the middle of the night, when your child is screaming,
Speaker 3: it's your worst fear as a mom that your child
Speaker 3: is in pain. It's fight or flight, and you went
Speaker 3: with fight. You went after right.
Speaker 2: To the emergency services system and come to my house
Speaker 2: and reassure me.
Speaker 3: You know. Once actually I called the police because there
Speaker 3: was four intruders in my backyard when I was eighteen.
Speaker 3: It was first time having the whole house to myself.
Speaker 3: My parents were away. It was four of my mates
Speaker 3: that rocked up and thought it would be funny to
Speaker 3: scare me, and three police cast And that's.
Speaker 4: A waste of emergency.
Speaker 2: It's just like we actually had one of our confessions
Speaker 2: on an early episode. We'll share the link in our
Speaker 2: show notes where someone actually staged a breaking into situation
Speaker 2: to their children to see if they would call the police,
Speaker 2: and they did. Now, that is a waste of time.
Speaker 2: This is just probably a bit of over zealousy, first
Speaker 2: time parenting, not knowing the signs.
Speaker 4: You know what you could do.
Speaker 2: There's great phone numbers you can call before you call
Speaker 2: the ambulance, I'm.
Speaker 3: Sure, but the worst thing would be if you didn't
Speaker 3: call and then something horrible was happening. So I feel
Speaker 3: like the fast response time you have to get a
Speaker 3: few bonus points for that, you.
Speaker 2: Know, and when it comes to health and safety, it's
Speaker 2: better just to just call.
Speaker 4: So I think, you know.
Speaker 2: I just think you didn't waste their time. But now
Speaker 2: you know about the night terrors. It's a learning but
Speaker 2: I think it's okay. So for this one, we should
Speaker 2: deduct points for it being just a night terror. But
Speaker 2: I'm giving you some for being so quick and caring
Speaker 2: about your kids. So I'm going to give you seven
Speaker 2: nightmares out of ten.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna give you six ambulance as well.
Speaker 3: I love it.
Speaker 4: I think if this person or anyone.
Speaker 2: Really feels some stress in the future, we can just
Speaker 2: give you a little guided meditation. You can just come
Speaker 2: back to episode yep, and you can just play it
Speaker 2: and you can just immerse yourself.
Speaker 3: Are you guiding this?
Speaker 4: Are you that we can both guide week and birth guy?
Speaker 4: You are doing a good job. Everything will be okay.
Speaker 3: Children are said to try us. It is all okay.
Speaker 4: And it's probably just a night terror. But you're not
Speaker 4: a terrible parent.
Speaker 3: You're a great parent. Actually you're a terrific parent. So okay,
Speaker 3: that's enough of that. We hope you're sufficiently calm, and we've.
Speaker 2: Got one more dilemma to bring it homestays coming up
Speaker 2: after the All right, stay's last dilemma for today? Am
Speaker 2: I missing something?
Speaker 3: Bring it on?
Speaker 2: I've been reading some friends Facebook posts recently about their kids,
Speaker 2: and they read you are my whole world. All I
Speaker 2: need is you, and you are my wildest dream come true.
Speaker 2: My confession is that I don't feel this way about
Speaker 2: my son, even though I love him very much.
Speaker 4: I just wonder if these people are happier than I am,
Speaker 4: and I wonder if they're lying.
Speaker 2: As a working mum, I've chosen to pursue a career
Speaker 2: in addition to motherhood. I have dreams and a life
Speaker 2: outside of my son. Motherhood is far from.
Speaker 4: Magical, but it is good, the hardest job I'll ever love.
Speaker 2: I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this
Speaker 2: way right now.
Speaker 4: First of all, we just need to caveat.
Speaker 2: We are not opening the working and non working mother debate.
Speaker 4: We are not entering into that trope.
Speaker 2: We are not kicking that can because we are all
Speaker 2: about being united. It's not about working and not working.
Speaker 2: It is about expressing your love publicly to the world
Speaker 2: on Facebook.
Speaker 4: And I have thoughts.
Speaker 3: As much as you love your child. They're not on
Speaker 3: your Facebook. No, why are you writing little love poems
Speaker 3: to them on there? As if they can't read, they're
Speaker 3: a bit stupid. Still, that is for you. This is
Speaker 3: a love dedication for you. Look, it's lovely. We actually
Speaker 3: shouldn't judge a bit. It's lovely that you love your child.
Speaker 3: But sometimes I feel like those things are a bit
Speaker 3: performative insufferable. Insufferable is the right word. We all love them.
Speaker 3: We all love them, we also can't stand them sometimes
Speaker 3: depending on the time of day. So absolutely fine that
Speaker 3: you don't feel like your child is your whole world,
Speaker 3: Like we're allowed to have interests and passions outside of them.
Speaker 4: Definitely, what are you thinking? What are these thoughts? Well,
Speaker 4: I mean I co parents, so if my kids more
Speaker 4: my whole world, I would be miserable for fifty.
Speaker 2: Of my time and I'd be wandering around the world aimlessly.
Speaker 2: And I think it's actually really healthy to have things
Speaker 2: outside your children.
Speaker 4: I don't think you're alone. And also I think if
Speaker 4: people really.
Speaker 2: Do feel like that about the kids, that's okay as well.
Speaker 4: Like I think good on you.
Speaker 2: Like either way, if you feel like that, good and
Speaker 2: if you don't, great do you know it? Want to
Speaker 2: be a good use of time is if you wrote
Speaker 2: these feelings down in a journal that you turned into
Speaker 2: letters that you gave to your child that they could
Speaker 2: read one day yep.
Speaker 3: Or we have an email for our daughter, so anytime
Speaker 3: we want to send her like a picture or write
Speaker 3: a little thing, so on the eve of like a
Speaker 3: birthday or something, we just send her a little email
Speaker 3: on her email address and hope that will still exist
Speaker 3: for her to look at when she's grown up. But
Speaker 3: I just I think if you're writing that your childe
Speaker 3: your whole world on your Facebook, you're lying say ha
Speaker 3: ha ha, I've.
Speaker 4: Never seen you so hard.
Speaker 3: I'm so harsh today.
Speaker 4: Very feisty, and I'm here I love it.
Speaker 3: Okay, so the judging, I fully support you. I agree
Speaker 3: they need to stop. It's annoying.
Speaker 2: Oh I mean I'm not quite as harsh as you today,
Speaker 2: which is a first. I think that they don't need
Speaker 2: to stop. They could channel this into a little journal
Speaker 2: or email system, as we discussed, would be a more
Speaker 2: productive use of their time. And then also it might
Speaker 2: not make people who don't feel this way feel as
Speaker 2: bad that they don't feel this way. So that's in
Speaker 2: a nutshell. The email and journal love capturing system is
Speaker 2: probably the preferred communication method moving forward for expressing love
Speaker 2: for your children. But they didn't write into us. It
Speaker 2: was the one who didn't feel this way. And it's
Speaker 2: fine that you don't feel this way. So for that,
Speaker 2: I'm giving you eight love journals out of ten.
Speaker 3: I'm giving you nine Facebook posts out of ten. Good
Speaker 3: on you.
Speaker 2: Okay, So, reflecting on the three confessions from the day,
Speaker 2: bribery is always on the cards, although we did declare
Speaker 2: that wasn't bribery, that was recognition and reward. Confession two
Speaker 2: did I waste emergency services time? We also declared that
Speaker 2: you didn't waste emergency services time? And Confession three? Am
Speaker 2: I missing something? No, you're not missing something. But out
Speaker 2: of the three confessions, I can't even remember the scores
Speaker 2: now we went.
Speaker 3: To be honest, we are so rogue with our scores.
Speaker 3: I know that we probably canceled each other out. So
Speaker 3: it's more of a vibe feeling. Which one's sticking with
Speaker 3: us as the winner is the real question.
Speaker 2: I really feel like Confession one, which we landed, was
Speaker 2: not bribery.
Speaker 3: No, I think you're just a legend and you just
Speaker 3: know how to parent correctly.
Speaker 2: It was a recognition and reward system. They will set
Speaker 2: them up to excel potentially in life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're our winner. Confession No one.
Speaker 4: Feshion one, non bribery is always on the cards.
Speaker 3: If you've got a confession, we would love to hear
Speaker 3: from you. Please send us your secret shames. We can't
Speaker 3: get enough of them. All the details are in the
Speaker 3: show notes.
Speaker 4: See you next time, See you next time.
Speaker 2: If you're looking for something else to listen to, Mama
Speaker 2: Mia is officially presenting one hundred hours of summer listens,
Speaker 2: from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion, beauty, and more.
Speaker 2: There's a link in the show notes.