1 00:00:08,234 --> 00:00:17,553 Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. Hello and welcome to 2 00:00:17,594 --> 00:00:20,473 Speaker 1: MoMA Mia out Loud. It's what women are actually talking 3 00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:22,834 Speaker 1: about on Friday, the fifth of December. And I am 4 00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:23,834 Speaker 1: Holly Wayne Wright. 5 00:00:23,634 --> 00:00:24,954 Speaker 2: And I am m Burnham. 6 00:00:25,034 --> 00:00:26,274 Speaker 3: I'm Jesse Stevens. 7 00:00:26,474 --> 00:00:29,874 Speaker 1: And here's what's on our agenda for today. M here 8 00:00:29,994 --> 00:00:33,114 Speaker 1: is how you pick a partner. God, don't worry about 9 00:00:33,153 --> 00:00:39,034 Speaker 1: the big value alignment stuff. We are worried about micro compatibilities. 10 00:00:39,034 --> 00:00:40,713 Speaker 2: I'm worried about everything at this point. 11 00:00:41,354 --> 00:00:45,114 Speaker 1: We are working out what your micro compatibilities are. Just 12 00:00:45,153 --> 00:00:47,193 Speaker 1: think about for a moment, what time you like to 13 00:00:47,193 --> 00:00:49,473 Speaker 1: get to the airport. That's what we're going to be discussing. 14 00:00:49,754 --> 00:00:52,594 Speaker 2: And we have our weekly recos. I'm going to try 15 00:00:52,674 --> 00:00:55,033 Speaker 2: to not talk about F one for the entire segment, 16 00:00:55,154 --> 00:00:57,474 Speaker 2: but you know, no promise. It's a big week. 17 00:00:58,514 --> 00:01:00,114 Speaker 1: But first Jesse Stevens. 18 00:01:00,434 --> 00:01:04,474 Speaker 4: A woman named Daniel Bayard Jackson is a female friendship 19 00:01:04,514 --> 00:01:07,914 Speaker 4: coach and educator. She has a theory about your friendships. 20 00:01:08,434 --> 00:01:11,514 Speaker 4: Here's what she said on the Mel Robbins podcast. 21 00:01:11,754 --> 00:01:15,634 Speaker 2: Recently, women replace about half of their friends every seven years. 22 00:01:15,994 --> 00:01:19,434 Speaker 5: Yeah, so men and women. Yeah, there's research that finds 23 00:01:19,434 --> 00:01:22,394 Speaker 5: that we replace half of our friends every seven years. 24 00:01:22,594 --> 00:01:25,953 Speaker 5: I hope that that makes people feel a little less 25 00:01:25,994 --> 00:01:28,714 Speaker 5: ashamed if they have friendships that don't work out, because 26 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:31,114 Speaker 5: what that says to me is that there's this natural 27 00:01:31,194 --> 00:01:35,874 Speaker 5: pruning that happens throughout your life. I also hope that 28 00:01:35,874 --> 00:01:39,114 Speaker 5: that has people release any shame around needing to make 29 00:01:39,194 --> 00:01:42,794 Speaker 5: new friends, because I hear people say I'm out here 30 00:01:42,914 --> 00:01:45,634 Speaker 5: making friends at forty two. I should have had all 31 00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:48,034 Speaker 5: my friends from high school. Really, because I know some 32 00:01:48,074 --> 00:01:49,754 Speaker 5: of the friends I had in high school. It would 33 00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:52,514 Speaker 5: not be appropriate for us to still be friends. It 34 00:01:52,514 --> 00:01:54,314 Speaker 5: wouldn't make sense to where I am right now or 35 00:01:54,314 --> 00:01:56,714 Speaker 5: the values I have right now. And so if we 36 00:01:56,954 --> 00:02:01,154 Speaker 5: are dropping or shedding new friends every seven years, that 37 00:02:01,194 --> 00:02:03,314 Speaker 5: means we need to be picking up new ones because 38 00:02:03,314 --> 00:02:05,634 Speaker 5: what does that churn rate look like? How am I 39 00:02:05,674 --> 00:02:08,714 Speaker 5: positioning myself to invite new friendships into my life? So 40 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:11,034 Speaker 5: I hope it shows us that we will always be 41 00:02:11,194 --> 00:02:12,674 Speaker 5: having to make new friends. 42 00:02:13,034 --> 00:02:17,194 Speaker 1: I'm about to get pruned when the seven years I 43 00:02:17,274 --> 00:02:19,913 Speaker 1: could go, I might be about to fall. 44 00:02:20,034 --> 00:02:22,594 Speaker 3: Currently, I am just about to enter one. 45 00:02:22,674 --> 00:02:24,314 Speaker 4: So I start a new one at thirty five, and 46 00:02:24,354 --> 00:02:26,794 Speaker 4: I'm thirty five in like a less than a month, 47 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,634 Speaker 4: So that's my new cycle. But Jackson says that this 48 00:02:30,754 --> 00:02:34,673 Speaker 4: research means a lot of us find ourselves in seasons 49 00:02:34,714 --> 00:02:39,274 Speaker 4: of friendlessness because we've shed. But it's quite hard to 50 00:02:39,354 --> 00:02:42,274 Speaker 4: acquire new friends, especially as an adult. 51 00:02:42,394 --> 00:02:42,634 Speaker 2: Right. 52 00:02:43,354 --> 00:02:46,754 Speaker 4: If seven years sounds familiar, that is because it corresponds 53 00:02:46,794 --> 00:02:49,394 Speaker 4: with the seven year itch, which we hear about in 54 00:02:49,594 --> 00:02:53,714 Speaker 4: romantic relationships. So there's this theory that human development is 55 00:02:53,754 --> 00:02:58,073 Speaker 4: marked by seven year cycles, and apparently your personality changes, 56 00:02:58,274 --> 00:02:59,834 Speaker 4: there's new cognitive skills. 57 00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:02,034 Speaker 3: Look, what do we. 58 00:03:01,994 --> 00:03:06,634 Speaker 4: Think do we think friendship shedding is important? 59 00:03:08,514 --> 00:03:12,154 Speaker 1: This is an audio media. Man, you're watching us on 60 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,154 Speaker 1: YouTube shaking. 61 00:03:15,634 --> 00:03:16,834 Speaker 3: I just close my eyes. 62 00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:20,274 Speaker 2: And shook my head. I hate this so much. I 63 00:03:20,314 --> 00:03:24,353 Speaker 2: feel like there's always something new with friendships. We always 64 00:03:24,354 --> 00:03:27,793 Speaker 2: say women, the most important relationships in your life is 65 00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,354 Speaker 2: the friendships you have with other women, And yet we 66 00:03:30,434 --> 00:03:32,754 Speaker 2: do shit like this, Well, like, after seven years you're 67 00:03:32,794 --> 00:03:34,794 Speaker 2: done with them, You're gonna get someone else. We never 68 00:03:34,874 --> 00:03:39,234 Speaker 2: do this for romantic relationships. And every time this happens 69 00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:41,354 Speaker 2: to a friend of mine who I haven't heard from 70 00:03:41,394 --> 00:03:41,994 Speaker 2: in a really. 71 00:03:41,834 --> 00:03:43,674 Speaker 1: Long time, So you think it does happen. 72 00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:45,754 Speaker 2: It does happen for sure, but I haven't seen a 73 00:03:45,754 --> 00:03:47,434 Speaker 2: long time, haven't heard from her in a long time. 74 00:03:47,634 --> 00:03:49,834 Speaker 2: They break up with their partner and they have no one, 75 00:03:49,874 --> 00:03:52,754 Speaker 2: They have no friends because they've been shedding, and they 76 00:03:52,874 --> 00:03:55,154 Speaker 2: do it like unconsciously. I feel like we are less 77 00:03:55,274 --> 00:03:57,314 Speaker 2: likely to break up with friends. We kind of just 78 00:03:57,354 --> 00:04:00,834 Speaker 2: stop staying in touch, and then that's when people start 79 00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,434 Speaker 2: reaching out to you again, and then they get into 80 00:04:02,474 --> 00:04:05,034 Speaker 2: a new relationship, and then you get shredded again, and 81 00:04:05,074 --> 00:04:07,114 Speaker 2: then you get a new relationship and then get shredded again. 82 00:04:07,554 --> 00:04:10,634 Speaker 2: And it just feels like I have to constantly try 83 00:04:10,634 --> 00:04:13,794 Speaker 2: to keep up with friendship trends just to make sure 84 00:04:13,874 --> 00:04:15,754 Speaker 2: I'm maintaining my own friendships. 85 00:04:15,794 --> 00:04:19,154 Speaker 1: Do you shared friends every seven years? No, it is 86 00:04:19,194 --> 00:04:21,834 Speaker 1: your core group of friends. How long do you think 87 00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:22,394 Speaker 1: you've had them. 88 00:04:22,594 --> 00:04:25,833 Speaker 2: I think I've had my core group of friends for 89 00:04:26,234 --> 00:04:26,914 Speaker 2: seven years. 90 00:04:26,993 --> 00:04:30,034 Speaker 1: Yeah, because I reckon Probably from when you started work. 91 00:04:30,154 --> 00:04:32,354 Speaker 2: Yeah, my first friends are from when I started here 92 00:04:32,354 --> 00:04:32,674 Speaker 2: at my MA. 93 00:04:33,113 --> 00:04:35,393 Speaker 1: So you like bonded in that intense way you do 94 00:04:35,753 --> 00:04:36,794 Speaker 1: in a new workplace. 95 00:04:37,513 --> 00:04:39,633 Speaker 2: I don't want to know. I don't want Todd. 96 00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:40,913 Speaker 1: That's time for shedding. 97 00:04:41,113 --> 00:04:43,193 Speaker 2: No is a seven year shred just means that you're 98 00:04:43,234 --> 00:04:44,913 Speaker 2: about to enter a different life stage. 99 00:04:44,914 --> 00:04:48,433 Speaker 1: It's not shred, it's shed shed. But the only reason 100 00:04:48,513 --> 00:04:50,914 Speaker 1: I'm correcting you on that because generally people who correct 101 00:04:50,953 --> 00:04:53,713 Speaker 1: people are annoying, and the clearly annoying. But is that 102 00:04:54,073 --> 00:04:59,193 Speaker 1: shred sounds brutal like your whereas this is shedding, which 103 00:04:59,234 --> 00:05:02,394 Speaker 1: sounds more gentle, kind of like it's just something that 104 00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:03,674 Speaker 1: happens organically. 105 00:05:04,034 --> 00:05:06,474 Speaker 3: You know it is, and it's still stuck. 106 00:05:06,234 --> 00:05:06,714 Speaker 2: To the root. 107 00:05:07,594 --> 00:05:10,393 Speaker 4: I went back to the research, though, and your point 108 00:05:10,753 --> 00:05:11,994 Speaker 4: is an important one. 109 00:05:12,154 --> 00:05:14,314 Speaker 3: M The researchers say this happens. 110 00:05:14,474 --> 00:05:17,313 Speaker 4: This is a phenomenon that they can point to and go, 111 00:05:17,393 --> 00:05:20,953 Speaker 4: this happens in people's lives. So I was researching Jackson 112 00:05:20,993 --> 00:05:24,153 Speaker 4: because the question is how you would share a friendship 113 00:05:24,313 --> 00:05:26,674 Speaker 4: like this, right? And I found this radit thread of 114 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:29,234 Speaker 4: this woman who had clearly got this advice that you 115 00:05:29,674 --> 00:05:33,234 Speaker 4: shared every seven years and a friend kept reaching out. 116 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,794 Speaker 4: Is actually from the perspective of the friend who got 117 00:05:35,834 --> 00:05:38,873 Speaker 4: shared and she shared what this woman sent to her 118 00:05:39,274 --> 00:05:42,873 Speaker 4: to say, friendship's over. So she basically said, hey, haven't 119 00:05:42,873 --> 00:05:44,713 Speaker 4: seen each other in a few weeks. Getting a weird 120 00:05:44,753 --> 00:05:45,113 Speaker 4: vibe is. 121 00:05:45,113 --> 00:05:46,953 Speaker 3: Everything okay, and this is what she said. 122 00:05:47,354 --> 00:05:49,794 Speaker 4: Hey, I wanted to wait until after the holidays, and 123 00:05:49,834 --> 00:05:51,674 Speaker 4: I wanted to try and gather my thoughts together in 124 00:05:51,714 --> 00:05:53,914 Speaker 4: the best way. But that's not fair to you. I 125 00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,874 Speaker 4: really love you and your family, and I value the 126 00:05:55,873 --> 00:05:58,674 Speaker 4: friendship we had. I've been trying for a while now 127 00:05:58,714 --> 00:06:00,993 Speaker 4: to figure out how exactly to say this, but I 128 00:06:00,993 --> 00:06:01,914 Speaker 4: think you said it well. 129 00:06:02,073 --> 00:06:03,034 Speaker 3: We've outgrown each other. 130 00:06:03,113 --> 00:06:03,594 Speaker 2: Oh. 131 00:06:03,674 --> 00:06:04,193 Speaker 3: I don't want to. 132 00:06:04,234 --> 00:06:06,634 Speaker 4: Drag this out because that doesn't benefit either of us. 133 00:06:06,714 --> 00:06:08,674 Speaker 4: But I want you to know that I really enjoyed 134 00:06:08,674 --> 00:06:10,873 Speaker 4: the time we had together, and I truly hope you 135 00:06:10,953 --> 00:06:12,274 Speaker 4: do well moving forward. 136 00:06:12,834 --> 00:06:14,993 Speaker 1: I would rather die than send that message. 137 00:06:15,034 --> 00:06:18,393 Speaker 2: That's worse than a breakup. That's so bad. 138 00:06:18,914 --> 00:06:20,193 Speaker 3: It is so bad. 139 00:06:21,113 --> 00:06:21,474 Speaker 1: Ghost. 140 00:06:23,154 --> 00:06:27,674 Speaker 4: It's really important to have those long term friendships that 141 00:06:27,714 --> 00:06:30,993 Speaker 4: you've had for years and years and years, and apparently 142 00:06:31,073 --> 00:06:35,154 Speaker 4: they are like again seven signs or seven things that 143 00:06:35,513 --> 00:06:37,473 Speaker 4: you need at least a few of them to have 144 00:06:37,594 --> 00:06:39,674 Speaker 4: this person be a lifelong friend. So a few of 145 00:06:39,674 --> 00:06:41,834 Speaker 4: them are really obvious, like you've got to be able 146 00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:44,913 Speaker 4: to speak the same language, right, But sense of humor, 147 00:06:45,553 --> 00:06:50,553 Speaker 4: values are really important, and career trajectory is apparently really important. 148 00:06:50,633 --> 00:06:53,113 Speaker 1: Okay, I want to have to question you about values 149 00:06:53,154 --> 00:06:57,793 Speaker 1: and career trajectory because I got a little bit itchy 150 00:06:57,914 --> 00:07:01,513 Speaker 1: when she said some of my friendships from high school 151 00:07:01,513 --> 00:07:04,914 Speaker 1: wouldn't be appropriate and they wouldn't reflect the values of 152 00:07:04,953 --> 00:07:08,354 Speaker 1: who I am today. That sound to me like a 153 00:07:08,474 --> 00:07:11,794 Speaker 1: job interview kind of. And also like your friends, you know, 154 00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:13,794 Speaker 1: there's that thing of like your friends are a reflection 155 00:07:13,914 --> 00:07:18,674 Speaker 1: of you, almost as if oh, you don't reflect very 156 00:07:18,714 --> 00:07:21,153 Speaker 1: well on me, so I can't be around you, which 157 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,914 Speaker 1: I don't like that idea. Do we want total alignment 158 00:07:25,034 --> 00:07:28,994 Speaker 1: from our friends? No, thought, we have friends who share 159 00:07:29,674 --> 00:07:30,913 Speaker 1: our values. 160 00:07:30,474 --> 00:07:31,754 Speaker 3: Exactly, exactly. 161 00:07:31,794 --> 00:07:33,914 Speaker 4: And so with those seven things, the idea is that 162 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,714 Speaker 4: there's a few of them that you've got. And another 163 00:07:35,754 --> 00:07:39,354 Speaker 4: one is hobbies and another is taste in music. So 164 00:07:39,594 --> 00:07:42,394 Speaker 4: I also bristle at that holly because I think that 165 00:07:42,474 --> 00:07:44,794 Speaker 4: the life stage where this comes really obvious is when 166 00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:47,634 Speaker 4: some people in the friendship group have kids and some don't. 167 00:07:47,953 --> 00:07:50,154 Speaker 3: And I think that there can be this thing among 168 00:07:50,274 --> 00:07:51,954 Speaker 3: parents where it's like I've outgrown you. 169 00:07:52,474 --> 00:07:57,833 Speaker 4: I've outgrown you with your sleepins and your yeah, and 170 00:07:57,953 --> 00:08:01,314 Speaker 4: I really there's a snobbery to that, and also a 171 00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:04,154 Speaker 4: sense that your values change overnight, and I'm not sure 172 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:08,393 Speaker 4: that that's necessarily true, and I think it's so real shame. 173 00:08:08,794 --> 00:08:11,114 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it depends what you're looking for in 174 00:08:11,154 --> 00:08:13,154 Speaker 1: your friends. Like we're going to get to friend groups 175 00:08:13,154 --> 00:08:15,153 Speaker 1: in a minute, but often you're a friend group that 176 00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:16,994 Speaker 1: you have will have bonded in a certain time in 177 00:08:17,074 --> 00:08:18,754 Speaker 1: your life, just like we were just talking about with you, 178 00:08:18,994 --> 00:08:21,153 Speaker 1: m And maybe that time in your life, maybe you 179 00:08:21,194 --> 00:08:22,994 Speaker 1: were at school, or you were at college, or you 180 00:08:23,034 --> 00:08:25,314 Speaker 1: were in an early job or whatever, and you probably 181 00:08:25,354 --> 00:08:28,914 Speaker 1: were spending heaps of intense time together, whether at work 182 00:08:29,034 --> 00:08:32,074 Speaker 1: or living together or going out or whatever, and so 183 00:08:32,154 --> 00:08:34,434 Speaker 1: that bonded you in a certain way. But once that 184 00:08:34,794 --> 00:08:37,874 Speaker 1: stops and everything, you know, people spin off out into 185 00:08:37,914 --> 00:08:40,834 Speaker 1: the other groups. Sometimes you do realize that you didn't 186 00:08:40,874 --> 00:08:43,394 Speaker 1: have as much in common as you thought, or not 187 00:08:43,434 --> 00:08:45,594 Speaker 1: even as much in common, but that you didn't gel 188 00:08:45,674 --> 00:08:47,874 Speaker 1: as well as you thought, and actually it was circumstance 189 00:08:47,994 --> 00:08:51,354 Speaker 1: that was the glue. But then other times you think, well, 190 00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,874 Speaker 1: we're nothing alike, but I still really like hanging out 191 00:08:53,874 --> 00:08:56,514 Speaker 1: with you. You know, we don't have that much in common, 192 00:08:56,554 --> 00:08:59,194 Speaker 1: maybe we disagree politically, maybe you know, I do have 193 00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:01,874 Speaker 1: friends like that where I'm like, there are some things 194 00:09:01,954 --> 00:09:05,234 Speaker 1: that we fundamentally don't agree on, but you know that 195 00:09:05,434 --> 00:09:06,594 Speaker 1: doesn't mean I don't like you. 196 00:09:06,834 --> 00:09:10,394 Speaker 3: Is also a question of time and energy. 197 00:09:10,714 --> 00:09:13,634 Speaker 4: What the research says is that you've got the capacity 198 00:09:13,714 --> 00:09:17,713 Speaker 4: to maintain about three to five close close intimate friendships. 199 00:09:18,114 --> 00:09:21,914 Speaker 4: So if you've only got that, and then you can 200 00:09:21,954 --> 00:09:24,274 Speaker 4: see how the trading in and out can happen. 201 00:09:24,394 --> 00:09:24,554 Speaker 1: Right. 202 00:09:24,594 --> 00:09:27,674 Speaker 4: But I would say that my three to five close 203 00:09:27,754 --> 00:09:32,714 Speaker 4: friendships are really long term, are longer than seven years. 204 00:09:33,034 --> 00:09:34,274 Speaker 3: Maybe one one in. 205 00:09:34,234 --> 00:09:37,274 Speaker 4: The last seven years who's kind of come in, and 206 00:09:37,314 --> 00:09:41,994 Speaker 4: then the others might be situational or life stage. But 207 00:09:42,394 --> 00:09:44,914 Speaker 4: those ones, I think there's something critical about having people 208 00:09:44,954 --> 00:09:46,594 Speaker 4: who've known you for a really long time. 209 00:09:46,874 --> 00:09:49,234 Speaker 2: I also think that when I think about like my 210 00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:52,874 Speaker 2: closest friends, it's from like my own point of view, 211 00:09:52,874 --> 00:09:55,034 Speaker 2: and like you three are my closest friends, I don't 212 00:09:55,034 --> 00:09:57,914 Speaker 2: necessarily know if I fall in that same category for 213 00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:00,914 Speaker 2: those certain friends. So I feel like where I would 214 00:10:00,954 --> 00:10:03,714 Speaker 2: probably bristle is that if I think these are lifelong 215 00:10:03,754 --> 00:10:06,074 Speaker 2: friendships for seven years and then they get to my 216 00:10:06,114 --> 00:10:08,794 Speaker 2: seven year mark and they're like, actually no. 217 00:10:09,474 --> 00:10:11,154 Speaker 1: Because I think that's true. I think there are some 218 00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:14,074 Speaker 1: people who are lifelong friends no matter what. Yeah, their 219 00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:16,514 Speaker 1: family pretty much is the way I see that. And 220 00:10:16,554 --> 00:10:18,434 Speaker 1: then there are people who are friends who you like 221 00:10:18,514 --> 00:10:20,874 Speaker 1: hanging out with, but it's not necessarily bonded on. However, 222 00:10:20,994 --> 00:10:24,034 Speaker 1: in defense of new friendships, the part about this that 223 00:10:24,114 --> 00:10:26,154 Speaker 1: I did like is just saying you should always be 224 00:10:26,194 --> 00:10:29,954 Speaker 1: open to new friendships because life is long. Like it's 225 00:10:29,994 --> 00:10:32,474 Speaker 1: not like we everything exciting happens in the first two 226 00:10:32,514 --> 00:10:34,234 Speaker 1: decades and then you're set, and this is like, these 227 00:10:34,274 --> 00:10:36,194 Speaker 1: are the people you stuck with now to travel through 228 00:10:36,274 --> 00:10:39,874 Speaker 1: life like, all kinds of adventures continue to happen, and 229 00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:42,594 Speaker 1: you bump into interesting people all along the way, and 230 00:10:42,674 --> 00:10:46,714 Speaker 1: if you like someone enough, you'll make room for them 231 00:10:46,714 --> 00:10:48,514 Speaker 1: in your life. It probably won't be the kind of 232 00:10:48,594 --> 00:10:51,074 Speaker 1: room that you had in those early days, as in, 233 00:10:51,154 --> 00:10:53,274 Speaker 1: you know, we're staying over every night and we're going 234 00:10:53,274 --> 00:10:55,074 Speaker 1: out and we're doing this, and that. It might be 235 00:10:55,114 --> 00:10:56,634 Speaker 1: our lives are busy, we're only going to see each 236 00:10:56,674 --> 00:10:58,834 Speaker 1: other every few months, but I really like you. I 237 00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:01,114 Speaker 1: want you in my world. I think staying open to 238 00:11:01,154 --> 00:11:03,394 Speaker 1: that rather than closing the door is good. 239 00:11:03,394 --> 00:11:06,754 Speaker 4: And also not feeling shame about being at a stage 240 00:11:06,794 --> 00:11:09,754 Speaker 4: where you feel like your green light is on thinking 241 00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:11,874 Speaker 4: I'm actually really open to some new friends. I know 242 00:11:12,034 --> 00:11:14,874 Speaker 4: lots of people who who say it with like this 243 00:11:15,034 --> 00:11:18,154 Speaker 4: vulnerability of just like, I'm feeling a bit lonely and 244 00:11:18,194 --> 00:11:20,034 Speaker 4: I don't feel connected at the moment, and I would 245 00:11:20,074 --> 00:11:20,994 Speaker 4: love some new friends. 246 00:11:21,074 --> 00:11:23,674 Speaker 1: I want to bring up something else about friendship that 247 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:25,714 Speaker 1: was really interesting this week, and hear what you two 248 00:11:25,754 --> 00:11:29,274 Speaker 1: think about it. So there's an essay on Substack by 249 00:11:29,434 --> 00:11:32,474 Speaker 1: a writer called harneit Core, and she wrote a piece 250 00:11:32,514 --> 00:11:34,874 Speaker 1: called I don't think most of us are lonely. I 251 00:11:34,874 --> 00:11:37,754 Speaker 1: think we're obsessed with a friend group that doesn't exist 252 00:11:38,154 --> 00:11:42,234 Speaker 1: and never did. She opens this article with this, you 253 00:11:42,274 --> 00:11:44,354 Speaker 1: know the one six people who met in college and 254 00:11:44,394 --> 00:11:47,074 Speaker 1: still get dinner every Thursday. They have a group chat 255 00:11:47,074 --> 00:11:49,594 Speaker 1: that's actually active. They take trips together, they show up 256 00:11:49,634 --> 00:11:52,554 Speaker 1: with soup and someone's sick. They exist in every sitcom, 257 00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:55,754 Speaker 1: every wedding toast, every podcast where someone casually mentions my 258 00:11:55,874 --> 00:11:58,274 Speaker 1: girls like it's the most natural thing in the world. 259 00:11:58,874 --> 00:12:02,674 Speaker 1: Core writes, this friend group is fiction, but we've stared 260 00:12:02,714 --> 00:12:05,954 Speaker 1: at it so long we've started to believe it's the baseline. 261 00:12:06,074 --> 00:12:08,074 Speaker 1: She says, if you think about the people that you 262 00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,474 Speaker 1: talk to more often in your life, she said, if 263 00:12:10,514 --> 00:12:11,953 Speaker 1: you think you'll only make a list of all the 264 00:12:11,954 --> 00:12:14,554 Speaker 1: people you speak to in a week, she says, why 265 00:12:14,594 --> 00:12:18,634 Speaker 1: do we devalue all those little relationships. The coworker that 266 00:12:18,674 --> 00:12:20,754 Speaker 1: you vent to, the neighbor who held the elevator, the 267 00:12:20,794 --> 00:12:22,833 Speaker 1: cousin who calls you on long drives. None of them 268 00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:26,354 Speaker 1: feel like they count because they're not the group. But 269 00:12:26,474 --> 00:12:28,554 Speaker 1: what if all that is friendship? What if we have 270 00:12:28,634 --> 00:12:30,674 Speaker 1: more than we think and we've just been trained to 271 00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:34,714 Speaker 1: disqualify it. What do we think about that? Do we 272 00:12:34,794 --> 00:12:38,514 Speaker 1: think we are always striving for a particular version of 273 00:12:38,554 --> 00:12:42,394 Speaker 1: friendship that maybe is nowhen in as common as we 274 00:12:42,434 --> 00:12:42,874 Speaker 1: think it is. 275 00:12:43,314 --> 00:12:47,353 Speaker 2: I think I definitely strived for that in my early twenties, 276 00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,514 Speaker 2: Like I saw what friendship was meant to look like, 277 00:12:50,554 --> 00:12:52,354 Speaker 2: and I wanted mind to reflect on that, to the 278 00:12:52,354 --> 00:12:54,874 Speaker 2: point where I would start to call my friends out 279 00:12:54,914 --> 00:12:57,154 Speaker 2: if they weren't hanging out with me enough. I remember 280 00:12:57,274 --> 00:13:00,074 Speaker 2: I one of my really good friends, I wanted to 281 00:13:00,114 --> 00:13:02,034 Speaker 2: get dinner with her and we were trying to organize 282 00:13:02,034 --> 00:13:03,834 Speaker 2: a date and she's like, I'm really busy this week. 283 00:13:04,234 --> 00:13:05,554 Speaker 2: I was like, well, what are you doing on this day? 284 00:13:05,554 --> 00:13:07,074 Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, I'm meeting up with a friend. 285 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,714 Speaker 2: Why I made at the gym and I was like, 286 00:13:08,874 --> 00:13:14,234 Speaker 2: I think you need to reprioritize your friendship. You're hot, cool, 287 00:13:14,874 --> 00:13:16,834 Speaker 2: and I think about that all the time. I was 288 00:13:16,874 --> 00:13:20,234 Speaker 2: like a couple of mons at that. I saw that 289 00:13:20,394 --> 00:13:22,514 Speaker 2: every week. I don't know why I said that. 290 00:13:22,554 --> 00:13:25,194 Speaker 4: It's true though, there's this like vision that you torment 291 00:13:25,314 --> 00:13:28,354 Speaker 4: yourself with that you imagine that. You know, it's the 292 00:13:28,954 --> 00:13:34,074 Speaker 4: long table with fifteen women who are just have been 293 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:36,274 Speaker 4: close since high school, and you just. 294 00:13:36,194 --> 00:13:39,754 Speaker 2: Think God, like the second effects, like you just picture 295 00:13:39,794 --> 00:13:41,994 Speaker 2: yourself at a bar and like a friend plongs down 296 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:43,874 Speaker 2: and you just like straight away start talking about their 297 00:13:43,874 --> 00:13:44,914 Speaker 2: sex life. Yeah. 298 00:13:44,994 --> 00:13:48,754 Speaker 4: But I think to the point made in that substack post, 299 00:13:49,794 --> 00:13:52,874 Speaker 4: I think there are obviously different tiers of friendship. But 300 00:13:53,274 --> 00:13:55,154 Speaker 4: I also want to validate people who do talk to 301 00:13:55,194 --> 00:13:58,394 Speaker 4: their coworker, they do talk to their neighbor, maybe they're married, 302 00:13:59,074 --> 00:14:02,074 Speaker 4: maybe they speak to people at the school gate, whatever, 303 00:14:02,194 --> 00:14:07,634 Speaker 4: and they still feel lonely. And this researcher who was 304 00:14:07,674 --> 00:14:10,874 Speaker 4: on mel Robbins this Jackson said that there are three 305 00:14:10,914 --> 00:14:14,234 Speaker 4: different types of loneliness, and the first is called intimate loneliness, 306 00:14:14,274 --> 00:14:17,394 Speaker 4: and it's when you don't feel truly seen, and you 307 00:14:17,594 --> 00:14:20,674 Speaker 4: probably don't feel truly seen by your coworker who you 308 00:14:20,954 --> 00:14:22,314 Speaker 4: share a sandwich with. 309 00:14:22,354 --> 00:14:25,034 Speaker 3: Once a week. Like there is a level of. 310 00:14:25,274 --> 00:14:28,754 Speaker 4: Intimate close friendships where you can call up and say 311 00:14:28,794 --> 00:14:33,354 Speaker 4: the most, you know, the darkest, most terrific, most embarrassing 312 00:14:33,514 --> 00:14:35,634 Speaker 4: thought that you've had that week. Sometimes I just have 313 00:14:35,794 --> 00:14:39,914 Speaker 4: these thoughts and there is a specific friend that I 314 00:14:39,994 --> 00:14:41,594 Speaker 4: will go to and maybe I haven't talked for in 315 00:14:41,594 --> 00:14:43,954 Speaker 4: two weeks, but I'll just dump it and go just 316 00:14:43,994 --> 00:14:44,474 Speaker 4: confirm it. 317 00:14:44,514 --> 00:14:45,474 Speaker 3: Are we all thinking this? 318 00:14:45,674 --> 00:14:48,234 Speaker 4: And she'll go yet, nahna, and just validate it, And 319 00:14:48,274 --> 00:14:51,074 Speaker 4: so you feel seen in that exchange. 320 00:14:51,274 --> 00:14:53,754 Speaker 1: Do you have a group like this? Who around this 321 00:14:53,874 --> 00:14:58,034 Speaker 1: table has a group? As described by Core in that newsletter. 322 00:14:57,754 --> 00:15:00,514 Speaker 3: When I was at UNI, I met a group of people. 323 00:15:00,514 --> 00:15:04,434 Speaker 4: Two of them are guys and now they're girlfriends, fiancees, 324 00:15:04,794 --> 00:15:07,234 Speaker 4: and there's probably eight of us and we're in a 325 00:15:07,274 --> 00:15:10,714 Speaker 4: group chat and we talk most days and we go 326 00:15:10,754 --> 00:15:11,394 Speaker 4: away together. 327 00:15:11,474 --> 00:15:12,194 Speaker 1: That's your friend group. 328 00:15:12,274 --> 00:15:13,074 Speaker 3: That's our friend group. 329 00:15:13,114 --> 00:15:17,754 Speaker 4: And they're the people I see down the road at barbecues, 330 00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:19,674 Speaker 4: zack kids grow up like all of that. 331 00:15:19,834 --> 00:15:21,674 Speaker 3: I just see that as a real care. 332 00:15:21,674 --> 00:15:23,514 Speaker 1: So you have the group. Do you have the group? 333 00:15:23,554 --> 00:15:25,434 Speaker 1: You have the group, they're the girls that you're here. 334 00:15:25,554 --> 00:15:27,714 Speaker 2: I do have the group. It was a bigger group, 335 00:15:27,754 --> 00:15:30,754 Speaker 2: and then it's like silos sometimes into smaller groups, depending 336 00:15:30,834 --> 00:15:33,594 Speaker 2: Like I feel like when you're single, you see each 337 00:15:33,634 --> 00:15:35,314 Speaker 2: other more, and then when you're in a relationship, they 338 00:15:35,394 --> 00:15:37,514 Speaker 2: kind of see each other more and they're like couple friends. 339 00:15:37,994 --> 00:15:41,034 Speaker 2: And I used to really hate that because I was like, no, 340 00:15:41,074 --> 00:15:42,594 Speaker 2: the group has to say together, it has to be together. 341 00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:44,314 Speaker 2: It has to be like six of us at all times. 342 00:15:44,754 --> 00:15:46,754 Speaker 2: And now a lot of them I have like moved 343 00:15:46,794 --> 00:15:50,034 Speaker 2: into state and they have like different schedules. And it 344 00:15:50,114 --> 00:15:52,754 Speaker 2: took me a while to kind of learn how to 345 00:15:52,794 --> 00:15:55,194 Speaker 2: feel safe in an environment where I'm not seeing them 346 00:15:55,274 --> 00:15:59,434 Speaker 2: constantly and not having that like physical interaction that does 347 00:15:59,474 --> 00:16:01,474 Speaker 2: look like I'm on an episode of Friends. Because I 348 00:16:01,554 --> 00:16:06,034 Speaker 2: always approach my friendships in a very like egotistical way, 349 00:16:06,074 --> 00:16:07,834 Speaker 2: whereas like it has to look like that, it has 350 00:16:07,874 --> 00:16:09,514 Speaker 2: to feel like that, and if we're doing it like that, 351 00:16:09,554 --> 00:16:10,434 Speaker 2: then that's the right way. 352 00:16:10,514 --> 00:16:12,874 Speaker 1: I think You're being on stem about like lots of 353 00:16:12,954 --> 00:16:15,314 Speaker 1: us might say, Oh, that's really superficial. I wanted to say, 354 00:16:15,314 --> 00:16:18,034 Speaker 1: that's not what friendship looks like. But we've all really 355 00:16:18,114 --> 00:16:21,114 Speaker 1: rusted onto these ideas of how friendship looks and I 356 00:16:21,154 --> 00:16:23,554 Speaker 1: think that that's one of the things that looking at 357 00:16:23,594 --> 00:16:26,434 Speaker 1: it from the outside rather than being inside it. We 358 00:16:26,554 --> 00:16:28,314 Speaker 1: need to figure out which one of those things is 359 00:16:28,314 --> 00:16:31,074 Speaker 1: more important in a moment. 360 00:16:31,634 --> 00:16:32,274 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm so. 361 00:16:32,274 --> 00:16:35,314 Speaker 1: Excited to talk about this. We're talking about the real 362 00:16:35,874 --> 00:16:37,194 Speaker 1: dating deal breaking. 363 00:16:41,114 --> 00:16:41,234 Speaker 3: Am. 364 00:16:41,274 --> 00:16:43,394 Speaker 1: I'm bringing some anti energy to the table, and I'm 365 00:16:43,394 --> 00:16:45,874 Speaker 1: being like, I need to give you some advice. I 366 00:16:45,914 --> 00:16:47,474 Speaker 1: need to give you some advice because I read something 367 00:16:47,514 --> 00:16:49,514 Speaker 1: this week made a lot of sense to me, because 368 00:16:49,554 --> 00:16:51,354 Speaker 1: I know that you're in the business of auditioning a 369 00:16:51,394 --> 00:16:54,514 Speaker 1: future life partner. Yeah, she's not just dating, she is 370 00:16:54,554 --> 00:16:55,954 Speaker 1: auditioning a future life partner. 371 00:16:55,954 --> 00:16:58,634 Speaker 2: I can't wait to get in a relationship so we 372 00:16:58,674 --> 00:17:02,074 Speaker 2: can stop. Every time second I hear. 373 00:17:01,914 --> 00:17:05,354 Speaker 1: That Ray song, you know that song that's ever mining, Well. 374 00:17:05,194 --> 00:17:05,714 Speaker 5: The hell is that? 375 00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:06,274 Speaker 2: Husband? 376 00:17:06,434 --> 00:17:10,194 Speaker 1: I just think of what was on? Can I get 377 00:17:10,194 --> 00:17:15,154 Speaker 1: them one more time? Not because I think you need one, 378 00:17:15,154 --> 00:17:17,354 Speaker 1: but because you think you need one. I'm always like, 379 00:17:17,474 --> 00:17:18,474 Speaker 1: you know, I think you. 380 00:17:18,354 --> 00:17:20,594 Speaker 2: Think I think that I think I need one, I. 381 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,114 Speaker 3: Think wants. 382 00:17:24,434 --> 00:17:26,314 Speaker 2: Anyway to go on a date. 383 00:17:26,554 --> 00:17:28,114 Speaker 3: No one was making you go on a date. 384 00:17:28,394 --> 00:17:30,834 Speaker 1: M I know you have a list of questions because 385 00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:32,634 Speaker 1: we've talked about it before, that you like to discuss 386 00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:35,513 Speaker 1: on first dates, right, but I have sex, marriage, kids. 387 00:17:35,594 --> 00:17:38,634 Speaker 1: Oh my god, to see this is a problem. I 388 00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:41,234 Speaker 1: read this article by Polly Hudson and the UK Guardian 389 00:17:41,354 --> 00:17:44,434 Speaker 1: that suggests that people are keen to skip the small 390 00:17:44,474 --> 00:17:47,514 Speaker 1: talk these days. She writes, so wady conversation topics such 391 00:17:47,514 --> 00:17:50,074 Speaker 1: as life goals, like the things that you just mentioned 392 00:17:50,714 --> 00:17:53,194 Speaker 1: are deal breakers and are now brought up straight away. 393 00:17:53,434 --> 00:17:56,114 Speaker 1: That's what you're doing, right, And I'm. 394 00:17:55,994 --> 00:17:57,994 Speaker 2: So glad I can be the guinea pig for this topic. 395 00:17:58,194 --> 00:18:01,354 Speaker 1: Hudson says, this is a mistake. What matters to longevity 396 00:18:01,514 --> 00:18:03,834 Speaker 1: is how long before a flight do you like to 397 00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,874 Speaker 1: get to the airport? Do you wander supermarket aisles when 398 00:18:06,914 --> 00:18:08,394 Speaker 1: you go shopping or do you go in with a 399 00:18:08,394 --> 00:18:11,634 Speaker 1: hard list for maximum efficiency? Would you walk out of 400 00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:15,754 Speaker 1: a movie if it was terrible? She's saying that basically, 401 00:18:16,034 --> 00:18:19,474 Speaker 1: these are the things that really matter because if you 402 00:18:19,714 --> 00:18:22,954 Speaker 1: have a partnership where these things are really different. They 403 00:18:23,034 --> 00:18:26,354 Speaker 1: might seem really cute at first, but one day it 404 00:18:26,434 --> 00:18:29,794 Speaker 1: will be the end of your relationship. The criticism of 405 00:18:29,834 --> 00:18:31,914 Speaker 1: this will be on an endless loop. One day you'll 406 00:18:31,914 --> 00:18:35,154 Speaker 1: feel instantly murderous at the mere mention of an airport. 407 00:18:35,234 --> 00:18:36,954 Speaker 3: Like with the flight example. 408 00:18:37,354 --> 00:18:39,994 Speaker 1: Now I want to know two things. I want to 409 00:18:40,034 --> 00:18:42,754 Speaker 1: know what we would add to this list of like 410 00:18:43,154 --> 00:18:47,834 Speaker 1: life deal breakers, and also whether you really should look 411 00:18:47,834 --> 00:18:50,434 Speaker 1: for someone who shares the same ones as you or 412 00:18:50,474 --> 00:18:52,914 Speaker 1: whether you want someone who does something different. So, for 413 00:18:53,034 --> 00:18:55,754 Speaker 1: let's take the airport example. Right, Yeah, how long before 414 00:18:55,754 --> 00:18:57,073 Speaker 1: a flight do you like to get to an airport? 415 00:18:57,234 --> 00:18:59,794 Speaker 2: I have a lot of airport anxiety. You might have 416 00:18:59,874 --> 00:19:02,634 Speaker 2: noticed for the outlaudtoid and travel with anyone, No, I 417 00:19:02,674 --> 00:19:07,074 Speaker 2: didn't see. Yeah, I have to be there three hours before. 418 00:19:07,194 --> 00:19:10,154 Speaker 1: So imagine you meet the perfect person, but he's an 419 00:19:10,154 --> 00:19:12,434 Speaker 1: hour person. He's an hour before person. That's it. 420 00:19:12,514 --> 00:19:13,234 Speaker 2: Now we're breaking up. 421 00:19:15,834 --> 00:19:17,594 Speaker 1: Why are you or are you one day going to 422 00:19:17,634 --> 00:19:20,994 Speaker 1: come to a glorious compromise of ninety minutes. I'm not sure, Jesse, 423 00:19:21,154 --> 00:19:21,754 Speaker 1: what about you? 424 00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:25,674 Speaker 4: I'm probably more like two hours because I do have 425 00:19:25,794 --> 00:19:27,394 Speaker 4: a lot of anxiety about missing the fly. 426 00:19:27,874 --> 00:19:29,554 Speaker 2: I just don't want to be seen as the person 427 00:19:29,554 --> 00:19:30,034 Speaker 2: who misses. 428 00:19:30,354 --> 00:19:32,674 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think that's embarrassing, and walking on last and 429 00:19:32,714 --> 00:19:34,434 Speaker 4: everyone looking at you like you've held up the flight. 430 00:19:34,514 --> 00:19:35,354 Speaker 3: I don't like that. 431 00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:38,793 Speaker 4: But I married a three hour and so there is 432 00:19:38,834 --> 00:19:42,714 Speaker 4: definitely there's always a chat, there's always a conversation. 433 00:19:42,754 --> 00:19:44,154 Speaker 3: We've got to find a happy medium. 434 00:19:44,394 --> 00:19:46,714 Speaker 2: And did you know that about each other during the 435 00:19:46,794 --> 00:19:47,834 Speaker 2: dating press? And in some. 436 00:19:47,794 --> 00:19:51,754 Speaker 4: Ways I see, I would argue that in some instances 437 00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:55,034 Speaker 4: you want your yin and your yan. Yes, you want 438 00:19:55,034 --> 00:19:58,674 Speaker 4: two people who approach things very differently to get to 439 00:19:58,754 --> 00:20:01,434 Speaker 4: a lifestyle that is actually quite enjoyable. 440 00:20:01,674 --> 00:20:04,154 Speaker 3: You don't want two people competing for like, well it's 441 00:20:04,194 --> 00:20:06,194 Speaker 3: the latest we can get to the airport, because then 442 00:20:06,234 --> 00:20:07,074 Speaker 3: you just never go on home. 443 00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:10,274 Speaker 1: And also, I would argue in some of these things, 444 00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:12,674 Speaker 1: you want to pick someone who's your yang so that 445 00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:15,394 Speaker 1: you don't have to do the difficult shit. For example, 446 00:20:15,914 --> 00:20:18,474 Speaker 1: are you a person who if you arrive on holiday, 447 00:20:18,914 --> 00:20:23,514 Speaker 1: the hotel looks nothing like the photos? Are you changing 448 00:20:23,554 --> 00:20:23,914 Speaker 1: the room? 449 00:20:24,074 --> 00:20:26,834 Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to get the Instagram. Got to get 450 00:20:26,834 --> 00:20:27,594 Speaker 2: the photos the Instagram. 451 00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:30,514 Speaker 4: Imagine you turn up on that holiday, it's seven nights yeah, 452 00:20:30,554 --> 00:20:32,554 Speaker 4: and sunk cost fallacy. 453 00:20:32,794 --> 00:20:35,434 Speaker 3: The person you've turned up with goes, no, this is 454 00:20:35,474 --> 00:20:36,154 Speaker 3: what we paid for. 455 00:20:36,274 --> 00:20:39,194 Speaker 4: We will stay in the shower where the water doesn't 456 00:20:39,914 --> 00:20:40,834 Speaker 4: go like. 457 00:20:41,034 --> 00:20:43,674 Speaker 1: I would never, I would never change never. 458 00:20:44,514 --> 00:20:47,634 Speaker 3: No way, it doesn't look like the photos. 459 00:20:47,674 --> 00:20:50,513 Speaker 1: So I get to let's say we're going to Thailand. No, 460 00:20:50,674 --> 00:20:52,513 Speaker 1: I haven't been Challe since I was twenty three. But anyway, 461 00:20:52,554 --> 00:20:55,073 Speaker 1: say I'm going to Thailand and I've booked my resort 462 00:20:55,114 --> 00:20:57,354 Speaker 1: and it looked lovely, but I paid because package deal 463 00:20:57,394 --> 00:21:00,754 Speaker 1: A freaking paid and I turn up and it's not great. 464 00:21:01,234 --> 00:21:04,474 Speaker 1: I would be upset and frustrated for the entire week. 465 00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:06,234 Speaker 1: But I would put up with it, no question. And 466 00:21:06,274 --> 00:21:07,834 Speaker 1: the problem is I would brands. 467 00:21:08,434 --> 00:21:12,714 Speaker 2: I will then post on your Instagram, the site, yeahs. 468 00:21:12,154 --> 00:21:15,154 Speaker 1: Other things, but it's not it's about I just couldn't 469 00:21:15,194 --> 00:21:18,234 Speaker 1: bring myself to walk up to the counter. I'm just 470 00:21:18,274 --> 00:21:21,114 Speaker 1: not wired that way. Whereas I know plenty of people 471 00:21:21,514 --> 00:21:23,994 Speaker 1: who one night in a hotel, if the bed's not whatever, 472 00:21:23,994 --> 00:21:25,914 Speaker 1: they'll go downstairs and go I need a better room. 473 00:21:26,194 --> 00:21:28,834 Speaker 1: That's the two types of people thing. And this is 474 00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:31,273 Speaker 1: one of those examples where I think, if you're like 475 00:21:31,354 --> 00:21:34,114 Speaker 1: me and you're avoidant. It would probably be good if 476 00:21:34,114 --> 00:21:36,553 Speaker 1: my partner was a walk out person. It's like, do 477 00:21:36,674 --> 00:21:37,594 Speaker 1: you send food back? 478 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:37,874 Speaker 5: Right? 479 00:21:37,914 --> 00:21:42,513 Speaker 1: I never send food back, And the problem is I 480 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,553 Speaker 1: never send foodbacks. I never want to be seen as 481 00:21:44,594 --> 00:21:47,674 Speaker 1: really difficult. But if I was with someone who did, 482 00:21:47,754 --> 00:21:49,554 Speaker 1: that would be great because I would sit there going, 483 00:21:49,634 --> 00:21:51,074 Speaker 1: this is shit. But I don't want to tell them. 484 00:21:51,074 --> 00:21:52,154 Speaker 1: You tell them, you tell them. 485 00:21:52,354 --> 00:21:55,434 Speaker 4: There was something I saw on Instagram last night that 486 00:21:55,474 --> 00:21:56,874 Speaker 4: I went to tag Holly in and then I went, 487 00:21:56,914 --> 00:22:00,074 Speaker 4: maybe she'll get offended. It said myself and my partner 488 00:22:00,354 --> 00:22:03,114 Speaker 4: reject traditional gender roles. I don't clean and he doesn't 489 00:22:03,274 --> 00:22:05,674 Speaker 4: fix broken things, and our house is dirty and broken. 490 00:22:05,794 --> 00:22:07,513 Speaker 2: And I was like, this is. 491 00:22:09,274 --> 00:22:09,514 Speaker 3: Bread. 492 00:22:09,954 --> 00:22:11,954 Speaker 1: So this is what we're trying to plant here. 493 00:22:12,514 --> 00:22:15,354 Speaker 4: Here's one that I really struggle with and has caused 494 00:22:15,354 --> 00:22:17,594 Speaker 4: friction in my relationship. And I didn't know before. We 495 00:22:18,154 --> 00:22:20,434 Speaker 4: took me a while to learn it. When you go 496 00:22:20,474 --> 00:22:23,394 Speaker 4: to the beach, do you like to sit and lie 497 00:22:23,474 --> 00:22:25,474 Speaker 4: and soak it up and have hours at the beach 498 00:22:25,954 --> 00:22:28,154 Speaker 4: or your quick dip and get back in the car. 499 00:22:28,714 --> 00:22:31,794 Speaker 4: Because I have married a dip back in the car 500 00:22:31,874 --> 00:22:32,954 Speaker 4: and that's not relaxing. 501 00:22:33,074 --> 00:22:36,234 Speaker 2: Yeah, because we're from the outer suburbs, so we had 502 00:22:36,274 --> 00:22:39,234 Speaker 2: beach days. So we've only acknowledged the beach in the 503 00:22:39,234 --> 00:22:40,194 Speaker 2: sense of a whole day. 504 00:22:40,474 --> 00:22:41,114 Speaker 3: Exactly right. 505 00:22:41,194 --> 00:22:41,833 Speaker 1: It's a tree. 506 00:22:41,954 --> 00:22:43,674 Speaker 3: Every time I go to the beach. It's a total trait. 507 00:22:44,154 --> 00:22:44,834 Speaker 3: How about you. 508 00:22:44,914 --> 00:22:47,954 Speaker 2: My big one is if I am dating someone, I 509 00:22:47,994 --> 00:22:51,194 Speaker 2: need to find out what type of holiday family they're from, 510 00:22:51,314 --> 00:22:54,034 Speaker 2: Like are they a hiking family or a hotel family, 511 00:22:54,434 --> 00:22:56,874 Speaker 2: the two different types. I'm a hotel family. Yeah, when 512 00:22:56,874 --> 00:22:59,594 Speaker 2: my family goes on holidays, surprise, we stay in hotels, 513 00:22:59,954 --> 00:23:02,314 Speaker 2: we eat at restaurants, we go back to the hotel. 514 00:23:02,674 --> 00:23:05,274 Speaker 2: I can't date someone who goes hike and then sight 515 00:23:05,354 --> 00:23:07,434 Speaker 2: see and then hike again, and then we'll into the 516 00:23:07,474 --> 00:23:10,714 Speaker 2: next sight seeing place and then eating sandwiches while we're 517 00:23:10,714 --> 00:23:13,154 Speaker 2: walking to the next hiking place. That is absolutely not 518 00:23:13,314 --> 00:23:15,874 Speaker 2: Absolutely my theory. 519 00:23:15,594 --> 00:23:17,833 Speaker 1: Is okay, So holiday styles. 520 00:23:18,114 --> 00:23:21,793 Speaker 4: I wonder, speaking of holiday styles, having someone who's the 521 00:23:21,834 --> 00:23:24,274 Speaker 4: travel agent of the relationship, right and they go we're 522 00:23:24,274 --> 00:23:27,474 Speaker 4: going here, we're going here, hiker blah blah blah blah, 523 00:23:27,554 --> 00:23:30,914 Speaker 4: like they organize it. I think that sometimes a good 524 00:23:30,954 --> 00:23:33,314 Speaker 4: mix is having one of those and the other's just 525 00:23:33,354 --> 00:23:36,434 Speaker 4: a passenger. And they're happy to just show up and 526 00:23:36,474 --> 00:23:38,034 Speaker 4: they get sent the itinerary. 527 00:23:38,194 --> 00:23:38,914 Speaker 3: Did they look at it? 528 00:23:39,034 --> 00:23:39,074 Speaker 1: Not? 529 00:23:39,794 --> 00:23:42,194 Speaker 4: And they're not allowed to have opinions. But the other 530 00:23:42,234 --> 00:23:44,354 Speaker 4: person is like the book or the blah, the blah, 531 00:23:44,354 --> 00:23:46,234 Speaker 4: like I think that they're a lot that's fair fair 532 00:23:46,274 --> 00:23:48,634 Speaker 4: where if you sat and on paper it might not 533 00:23:48,794 --> 00:23:51,234 Speaker 4: look compatible, but it actually really. 534 00:23:51,234 --> 00:23:51,954 Speaker 3: Works for you. 535 00:23:52,354 --> 00:23:54,514 Speaker 1: Are you a que jumper? This is another one, right, 536 00:23:54,594 --> 00:23:58,274 Speaker 1: So imagine you turn up to a concert, flight queue 537 00:23:58,594 --> 00:24:03,314 Speaker 1: a restaurant and there's a line and you could cut in, 538 00:24:03,434 --> 00:24:06,034 Speaker 1: like not rudely, like elbow a child out of the way, 539 00:24:06,074 --> 00:24:09,234 Speaker 1: but like just hover around a certain space, and then 540 00:24:09,314 --> 00:24:10,513 Speaker 1: just you're running. 541 00:24:10,274 --> 00:24:14,034 Speaker 3: Late that flight and you go, hey, excuse me my flights? 542 00:24:14,114 --> 00:24:14,994 Speaker 1: Can I come to the front? 543 00:24:14,994 --> 00:24:15,994 Speaker 3: Can I go to the front? 544 00:24:16,034 --> 00:24:17,514 Speaker 1: Do you do that or not? Are you a cue 545 00:24:17,554 --> 00:24:18,034 Speaker 1: jumper or not? 546 00:24:18,114 --> 00:24:18,194 Speaker 3: No? 547 00:24:18,354 --> 00:24:19,033 Speaker 2: Absolutely not. 548 00:24:19,154 --> 00:24:21,034 Speaker 4: I'd be more to be in the presence of a 549 00:24:21,114 --> 00:24:22,914 Speaker 4: que jumper, mortifying. 550 00:24:23,234 --> 00:24:25,234 Speaker 1: I've tried to do some que jumping when we went 551 00:24:25,274 --> 00:24:28,714 Speaker 1: to Oasis recently and a I got yelled at by strangers, 552 00:24:29,394 --> 00:24:33,354 Speaker 1: which was and b Brent nearly divorced me on the spot, 553 00:24:33,394 --> 00:24:35,354 Speaker 1: not that we're married, but I was like we're not 554 00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:38,874 Speaker 1: exactly jumping the queue. We're just standing here and the 555 00:24:38,914 --> 00:24:41,434 Speaker 1: queue will just envelop us and move forward. And he 556 00:24:41,554 --> 00:24:42,593 Speaker 1: was like, no, it won't. 557 00:24:42,794 --> 00:24:42,834 Speaker 4: No. 558 00:24:43,514 --> 00:24:45,914 Speaker 2: I hate that. I can't even do the whole thing 559 00:24:45,914 --> 00:24:47,513 Speaker 2: where if you see friends ahead of you and they 560 00:24:47,554 --> 00:24:49,394 Speaker 2: wave to you, I can't even go to them. 561 00:24:49,474 --> 00:24:51,154 Speaker 3: I'm always I'm like, I'm back here. 562 00:24:51,194 --> 00:24:52,474 Speaker 2: I'll catch up with you when I get in. 563 00:24:52,634 --> 00:24:55,914 Speaker 1: So in some situations, people please, and in some situations not. 564 00:24:56,474 --> 00:24:58,634 Speaker 1: Do you bringe your TV shows or do you parcel 565 00:24:58,674 --> 00:25:01,554 Speaker 1: them out like treats? This is another important one. Sometimes 566 00:25:01,754 --> 00:25:03,634 Speaker 1: you're there and you're watching TV and you're like another 567 00:25:03,634 --> 00:25:05,794 Speaker 1: one and they're like no, no, no, no, we're done. 568 00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:06,394 Speaker 1: We'll wait there. 569 00:25:06,394 --> 00:25:09,914 Speaker 2: Oh you know what, the relationships done? We're watching every 570 00:25:09,914 --> 00:25:14,194 Speaker 2: single episode of this show. Will you talk about this 571 00:25:14,274 --> 00:25:15,154 Speaker 2: all on the first date. 572 00:25:15,354 --> 00:25:20,234 Speaker 1: The idea is little lifestyle things that actually matter more 573 00:25:20,314 --> 00:25:23,434 Speaker 1: maybe than going like big picture values. And I think 574 00:25:23,474 --> 00:25:25,434 Speaker 1: it's true these are the things that couples fight about. 575 00:25:25,594 --> 00:25:28,634 Speaker 1: What time to get to the airport. Bren always thinks 576 00:25:28,634 --> 00:25:30,954 Speaker 1: that I've packed too much, like when we're packing the 577 00:25:30,954 --> 00:25:33,754 Speaker 1: car to go away. Always whenever you go to on 578 00:25:33,794 --> 00:25:36,313 Speaker 1: a shopping trip, not that shopping trip, but like, you know, 579 00:25:36,594 --> 00:25:38,674 Speaker 1: I want to go to the shops. He acts like 580 00:25:38,714 --> 00:25:40,234 Speaker 1: he's being attacked by a bear in a shop. He 581 00:25:40,274 --> 00:25:42,394 Speaker 1: has to get out of there as quickly as possible, 582 00:25:42,514 --> 00:25:43,994 Speaker 1: Like you just want to go. I just want to 583 00:25:43,994 --> 00:25:45,994 Speaker 1: look at that, and it's like raw. This is the 584 00:25:45,994 --> 00:25:47,874 Speaker 1: stuff people fight about, and it also tells you a 585 00:25:47,914 --> 00:25:49,074 Speaker 1: lot about their personality. 586 00:25:49,274 --> 00:25:51,954 Speaker 3: Yeah, I reckon. There's a little checklist that you should 587 00:25:51,954 --> 00:25:52,754 Speaker 3: probably go through. 588 00:25:52,834 --> 00:25:54,674 Speaker 2: Just it's just getting harder and harder. 589 00:25:54,834 --> 00:25:57,554 Speaker 1: It's going to make it easier because then you think, 590 00:25:57,594 --> 00:25:59,194 Speaker 1: if I want someone to do this for me, like 591 00:25:59,234 --> 00:26:00,794 Speaker 1: get us to the front of the queue, I need 592 00:26:00,834 --> 00:26:03,674 Speaker 1: to find a guy who doesn't mind elbowing children out 593 00:26:03,674 --> 00:26:04,074 Speaker 1: of the way. 594 00:26:04,194 --> 00:26:07,353 Speaker 2: We're forming a very specific guy at this time. I 595 00:26:07,354 --> 00:26:08,474 Speaker 2: don't think that exists. 596 00:26:09,794 --> 00:26:13,394 Speaker 4: After the break our best recommendations, including a very out 597 00:26:13,434 --> 00:26:16,954 Speaker 4: loud gift guide from Holly and a very very helpful 598 00:26:16,994 --> 00:26:18,474 Speaker 4: recommendation from m. 599 00:26:18,914 --> 00:26:22,674 Speaker 1: One unlimited out loud access. We drop episodes every Tuesday 600 00:26:22,714 --> 00:26:26,794 Speaker 1: and Thursday exclusively for Mamma MIAs subscribers. Follow the link 601 00:26:26,794 --> 00:26:28,553 Speaker 1: in the show notes to get us in your ears 602 00:26:28,834 --> 00:26:31,553 Speaker 1: five days a week. And a huge thank you to 603 00:26:31,754 --> 00:26:42,074 Speaker 1: all our current subscribers, vibes, ideas, atmosphere, something casual, something fun. 604 00:26:42,594 --> 00:26:44,154 Speaker 5: This is my best recommendation. 605 00:26:45,434 --> 00:26:47,634 Speaker 2: It is Friday, and we want to help set up 606 00:26:47,634 --> 00:26:51,234 Speaker 2: your weekend with our very best recommendations. Holly. 607 00:26:51,874 --> 00:26:54,714 Speaker 1: So I've got a very specific and slightly self serving 608 00:26:54,874 --> 00:27:01,234 Speaker 1: recommendation because I'm recommending our gift guide of recommendations, oh, 609 00:27:01,274 --> 00:27:04,114 Speaker 1: which is in the newsletter tomorrow. In exception, if you 610 00:27:04,354 --> 00:27:07,994 Speaker 1: are a subscriber to the Holy out Loud newsletter tomorrow 611 00:27:07,994 --> 00:27:10,474 Speaker 1: in your inbox, you're going to get the out Loud 612 00:27:10,474 --> 00:27:12,714 Speaker 1: Gift Guide. And that's literally what it's called a very 613 00:27:12,714 --> 00:27:15,714 Speaker 1: out Loud gift Guide. It's got gifts in it for 614 00:27:15,834 --> 00:27:18,074 Speaker 1: everybody in your life. So it's got gifts for the 615 00:27:18,194 --> 00:27:20,674 Speaker 1: m in your life. You've given me those ideas for 616 00:27:20,714 --> 00:27:22,834 Speaker 1: the Jesse in your life. She's given me those ideas 617 00:27:22,914 --> 00:27:24,793 Speaker 1: for the Miror in your life. She's given me what 618 00:27:24,834 --> 00:27:29,194 Speaker 1: hers are. You can imagine, can't you. And then also 619 00:27:29,354 --> 00:27:32,594 Speaker 1: a general excellence category, which is just really good gifts 620 00:27:32,674 --> 00:27:35,234 Speaker 1: for people. Some of them are buy out louders, some 621 00:27:35,274 --> 00:27:37,234 Speaker 1: of them are things out louders have recommended to us. 622 00:27:37,474 --> 00:27:39,714 Speaker 1: Loads of books, like loads of books. So you're going 623 00:27:39,794 --> 00:27:41,914 Speaker 1: to get that in your inbox if you subscribe to 624 00:27:41,954 --> 00:27:43,954 Speaker 1: the Holy Outloud newsletter. There is a link in the 625 00:27:43,954 --> 00:27:46,034 Speaker 1: show notes to do so, of course it's free. I'm 626 00:27:46,034 --> 00:27:48,033 Speaker 1: going to give you one tip of one of the 627 00:27:48,034 --> 00:27:49,874 Speaker 1: things that's in there. Actually I'm wearing the wrong. 628 00:27:49,714 --> 00:27:50,234 Speaker 2: Shirt for this. 629 00:27:50,834 --> 00:27:52,273 Speaker 1: I've got this, but I just bought it for a 630 00:27:52,274 --> 00:27:55,594 Speaker 1: friend of mine. So this is a paperclip necklace from 631 00:27:55,674 --> 00:27:57,154 Speaker 1: a brand called Francesca. 632 00:27:57,234 --> 00:27:59,754 Speaker 3: I think you've got one around my rear bracelet. 633 00:28:00,954 --> 00:28:02,273 Speaker 1: They're engraved and. 634 00:28:02,834 --> 00:28:05,714 Speaker 4: It's engraved and it has Luna's birthday. 635 00:28:05,874 --> 00:28:08,314 Speaker 1: So they are a paper clip necklace and that you 636 00:28:08,354 --> 00:28:09,954 Speaker 1: can get a gold one, a silver one, a rose 637 00:28:09,994 --> 00:28:12,314 Speaker 1: gold one, and so they're cool. But also mine has 638 00:28:12,314 --> 00:28:15,033 Speaker 1: got the kids' names and mine and Brent's names on it. 639 00:28:15,074 --> 00:28:16,994 Speaker 1: But it's really subtle, so it's like you can't quite 640 00:28:17,034 --> 00:28:18,634 Speaker 1: see it. Yeah, I like that about it. 641 00:28:18,754 --> 00:28:19,594 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's called. 642 00:28:19,474 --> 00:28:22,194 Speaker 1: The etched necklace from Francesca, and I have just bought 643 00:28:22,194 --> 00:28:24,354 Speaker 1: one for a friend. I reckon it's a great gift 644 00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:28,794 Speaker 1: for somebody. They're a business from Hobart, so we've got 645 00:28:28,994 --> 00:28:31,794 Speaker 1: lots of ideas like that. Also, we've got the best 646 00:28:31,794 --> 00:28:35,114 Speaker 1: beauty stuff. Of course, I've got some gardening thing, so 647 00:28:35,354 --> 00:28:37,634 Speaker 1: Lincoln show notes for the Out Loud Gift Guide. That 648 00:28:37,754 --> 00:28:38,874 Speaker 1: is my reco for this week. 649 00:28:39,274 --> 00:28:44,234 Speaker 4: My recommendation is a book, and I've nearly finished one of. 650 00:28:44,194 --> 00:28:45,714 Speaker 3: The buzziest books of the year. 651 00:28:45,834 --> 00:28:50,394 Speaker 4: It's been called the best debut fiction book in forever. 652 00:28:51,154 --> 00:28:53,394 Speaker 4: It is called The Names by Florence Napp. Have you 653 00:28:53,434 --> 00:28:53,874 Speaker 4: read it yet? 654 00:28:53,994 --> 00:28:55,954 Speaker 2: I haven't read it yet. I've heard so much about 655 00:28:55,994 --> 00:28:58,914 Speaker 2: it to read it, although I've heard it's dark in 656 00:28:58,994 --> 00:28:59,354 Speaker 2: the mood. 657 00:28:59,714 --> 00:29:02,034 Speaker 4: Yeah, so i'd heard about it, but I had no 658 00:29:02,154 --> 00:29:04,794 Speaker 4: idea of the premise, just that everyone who read it 659 00:29:04,834 --> 00:29:07,674 Speaker 4: said it's brilliant, You've got to read it. And then 660 00:29:07,754 --> 00:29:11,074 Speaker 4: I started it and Luca kept saying, are you okay? 661 00:29:11,314 --> 00:29:14,074 Speaker 4: And I would just be sobbing in bed, like you 662 00:29:14,114 --> 00:29:16,394 Speaker 4: know how a little life or there are certain books 663 00:29:16,434 --> 00:29:18,434 Speaker 4: that catch you at a time in your life where 664 00:29:18,474 --> 00:29:20,434 Speaker 4: it's like you've got to be in the headspace. It'll 665 00:29:20,434 --> 00:29:24,114 Speaker 4: make you cry. It's really it's heavy. It's an emotional journey, 666 00:29:24,194 --> 00:29:29,314 Speaker 4: but it is so original. The premise is basically it 667 00:29:29,394 --> 00:29:31,634 Speaker 4: begins with a mother who is about to register the 668 00:29:31,674 --> 00:29:35,914 Speaker 4: birth of her son and she's faced with this dilemma 669 00:29:35,994 --> 00:29:39,074 Speaker 4: because in her husband's family, you name the son after 670 00:29:39,114 --> 00:29:43,714 Speaker 4: the father, and her husband, as it turns out, is 671 00:29:43,754 --> 00:29:44,874 Speaker 4: not a good man. 672 00:29:44,994 --> 00:29:46,354 Speaker 3: He's a bad bad man. 673 00:29:46,834 --> 00:29:49,074 Speaker 4: And so she's deciding whether to give him that name, 674 00:29:49,354 --> 00:29:51,194 Speaker 4: give him a name she wants, or give him the 675 00:29:51,274 --> 00:29:55,434 Speaker 4: name that her daughter wants for this little baby. And 676 00:29:55,514 --> 00:29:59,074 Speaker 4: it follows the trajectory of the three lives. So what 677 00:29:59,074 --> 00:30:01,154 Speaker 4: would happen if she chose this name, this name or 678 00:30:01,154 --> 00:30:01,594 Speaker 4: this name? 679 00:30:02,074 --> 00:30:03,394 Speaker 3: And it is just so. 680 00:30:05,034 --> 00:30:10,234 Speaker 4: Clever and twist d I mean, ultimately it's hopeful, but 681 00:30:10,274 --> 00:30:12,314 Speaker 4: it's about three versions of the same life. 682 00:30:12,354 --> 00:30:12,714 Speaker 2: I love. 683 00:30:12,794 --> 00:30:14,154 Speaker 3: It's really really good. 684 00:30:14,234 --> 00:30:15,194 Speaker 2: What a crazy idea? 685 00:30:15,354 --> 00:30:16,954 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't read that in the holidays. 686 00:30:17,154 --> 00:30:19,114 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, really good. 687 00:30:19,594 --> 00:30:25,274 Speaker 2: So my recommendation today F one. No, it's not my 688 00:30:25,314 --> 00:30:28,354 Speaker 2: real recommendation. It's just like a PSA. The last F 689 00:30:28,434 --> 00:30:31,274 Speaker 2: one race is going to be at twelve am on Monday, 690 00:30:31,394 --> 00:30:34,514 Speaker 2: so we'll it's decent time for all of us. Abidabi 691 00:30:35,234 --> 00:30:36,114 Speaker 2: the Orlando wins. 692 00:30:36,194 --> 00:30:38,034 Speaker 3: Jess is in a great mood. 693 00:30:38,834 --> 00:30:40,554 Speaker 1: Out loud as you may have missed last Fridays but 694 00:30:40,594 --> 00:30:43,594 Speaker 1: and went on like a twenty minute rant about front 695 00:30:43,954 --> 00:30:45,434 Speaker 1: No a lot of out louders. 696 00:30:45,074 --> 00:30:47,474 Speaker 2: Were very on board, which I was so excited and. 697 00:30:47,394 --> 00:30:49,754 Speaker 1: Some and then some of them were not. And then 698 00:30:49,834 --> 00:30:52,194 Speaker 1: some of them got upset because I made a throwaway 699 00:30:52,234 --> 00:30:53,994 Speaker 1: comment that I didn't think it was a sport. I 700 00:30:54,274 --> 00:30:57,514 Speaker 1: take that back. I was being facetious. Of course it's 701 00:30:57,514 --> 00:31:01,594 Speaker 1: a sport. You just don't use, you know, your athleticism 702 00:31:01,714 --> 00:31:02,074 Speaker 1: to do it. 703 00:31:02,354 --> 00:31:03,194 Speaker 3: Have you seen this. 704 00:31:04,554 --> 00:31:08,714 Speaker 1: And the head and the neck? And they okay? 705 00:31:08,754 --> 00:31:12,154 Speaker 2: So remember last week I said could be anyone's championship. 706 00:31:12,154 --> 00:31:16,594 Speaker 2: It's still could be anyone's championship. Because in the last 707 00:31:16,714 --> 00:31:20,354 Speaker 2: race at Qatar, I said, guitar last time, sorry Qatar. 708 00:31:21,114 --> 00:31:26,434 Speaker 2: Max came first, Oscar came second, and Orlando came forth. 709 00:31:26,554 --> 00:31:30,514 Speaker 2: McLaren really really stuffed up the team strategy. I think 710 00:31:30,554 --> 00:31:32,154 Speaker 2: they were trying too hard to make it look like 711 00:31:32,194 --> 00:31:34,394 Speaker 2: they weren't choosing favorites, and then they just said, actually, 712 00:31:34,394 --> 00:31:37,394 Speaker 2: we hate them both. I don't want them to go Max. 713 00:31:37,474 --> 00:31:39,394 Speaker 1: Some of the other commentary I saw was upset with you, 714 00:31:39,514 --> 00:31:41,354 Speaker 1: Jesse for not backing the Aussie. Would you like to 715 00:31:41,354 --> 00:31:43,554 Speaker 1: retract your support for Lando? 716 00:31:45,274 --> 00:31:47,994 Speaker 4: And I'm pregnant and I find Lando very sexy on 717 00:31:48,034 --> 00:31:48,394 Speaker 4: my eyes. 718 00:31:48,514 --> 00:31:49,314 Speaker 2: Leave Jesse alone. 719 00:31:50,074 --> 00:31:52,794 Speaker 4: But some people say, they said, look, I googled Lando, 720 00:31:52,994 --> 00:31:54,434 Speaker 4: never heard of him. I think he looks a bit 721 00:31:54,514 --> 00:31:57,154 Speaker 4: like Luca Local was stoked by it. 722 00:31:57,314 --> 00:31:58,954 Speaker 3: I just he's very handsome. 723 00:31:59,674 --> 00:32:03,474 Speaker 1: Micro compatibility. Do they have to like F one anyway? 724 00:32:03,594 --> 00:32:07,074 Speaker 2: Yes, they do. Okay, So now this race, this last 725 00:32:07,354 --> 00:32:11,914 Speaker 2: last race, if Lando Norris gets spots one, two or three, 726 00:32:11,994 --> 00:32:15,034 Speaker 2: He's definitely going to be championship. For Max to win 727 00:32:15,074 --> 00:32:18,434 Speaker 2: the championship, he has to come first and Lando has 728 00:32:18,474 --> 00:32:23,274 Speaker 2: to come fourth. All later. Oh, I'm so excited. That's it. 729 00:32:23,434 --> 00:32:27,714 Speaker 2: That's it. Okay, okay. So my next recommendation, my actual one, 730 00:32:27,834 --> 00:32:30,194 Speaker 2: is this barmb I bought it here today. It's an 731 00:32:30,234 --> 00:32:33,554 Speaker 2: anti chaf bomb by the brand Scoop. I walk to work. 732 00:32:33,634 --> 00:32:38,794 Speaker 2: Everyone knows that I chase like a mom my thighs 733 00:32:38,874 --> 00:32:40,594 Speaker 2: rubbed together, they read. 734 00:32:41,514 --> 00:32:43,714 Speaker 1: I know it can get so sorry, it's so bad. 735 00:32:43,754 --> 00:32:45,394 Speaker 2: And then I have to walk with my legs like 736 00:32:45,434 --> 00:32:48,394 Speaker 2: far apart, like an elephant, like I'm stomping around the place. 737 00:32:49,234 --> 00:32:51,194 Speaker 2: So this anti chaf barm I've used a lot in 738 00:32:51,234 --> 00:32:53,994 Speaker 2: the past. This one's probably my favorite because it goes 739 00:32:54,034 --> 00:32:56,874 Speaker 2: on and you can't feel the product on your legs. 740 00:32:58,194 --> 00:33:00,914 Speaker 2: It doesn't feel sticky the longest time I used vaciline, 741 00:33:00,914 --> 00:33:03,114 Speaker 2: which I mean, great all purpose product, but you still 742 00:33:03,114 --> 00:33:06,314 Speaker 2: feel like the slimy and if it's hot, yeah, and 743 00:33:06,434 --> 00:33:08,394 Speaker 2: that doesn't feel like that. It doesn't feel like that. 744 00:33:08,474 --> 00:33:10,194 Speaker 2: It goes on and it just kind of feels like 745 00:33:10,234 --> 00:33:13,194 Speaker 2: a little like cream and it goes balmy and then 746 00:33:13,434 --> 00:33:15,434 Speaker 2: you stop feeling it and your legs just slide. 747 00:33:15,674 --> 00:33:15,874 Speaker 4: Ah. 748 00:33:17,314 --> 00:33:19,114 Speaker 1: It is so do you get it from them? 749 00:33:19,154 --> 00:33:21,354 Speaker 2: Get out of Door Beauty. It's around twenty five bucks. 750 00:33:21,514 --> 00:33:22,274 Speaker 1: Of course. Good. 751 00:33:22,274 --> 00:33:23,634 Speaker 3: It's such a good idea. 752 00:33:23,794 --> 00:33:26,874 Speaker 1: Great recco friends. That is all we have Loud allowed, 753 00:33:27,074 --> 00:33:31,314 Speaker 1: that is all we have time for today. Remember, of 754 00:33:31,354 --> 00:33:33,434 Speaker 1: course you can watch us on YouTube. You would have 755 00:33:33,474 --> 00:33:36,554 Speaker 1: just seen them do a very good yay. Yeah like here. 756 00:33:36,554 --> 00:33:41,314 Speaker 1: It is representation of shaping Spotify. Wrapt is out. It's 757 00:33:41,314 --> 00:33:43,154 Speaker 1: a big day. It takes over the culture for twenty 758 00:33:43,154 --> 00:33:45,634 Speaker 1: four hours. Yeah, and we need to thank all the 759 00:33:45,674 --> 00:33:48,554 Speaker 1: out louders who said that we were their favorite show. 760 00:33:48,594 --> 00:33:50,994 Speaker 1: Well didn't say it was evidenced in their phone. 761 00:33:51,154 --> 00:33:53,594 Speaker 3: They are favorite people. And look, we don't take it 762 00:33:53,634 --> 00:33:54,914 Speaker 3: for granted. We are so honored. 763 00:33:54,914 --> 00:33:57,354 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for everyone who tagged us and 764 00:33:57,594 --> 00:34:00,714 Speaker 4: let us know when everyone who listened and laughed and 765 00:34:00,874 --> 00:34:04,314 Speaker 4: argued along with us and engaged. It is the greatest 766 00:34:04,354 --> 00:34:07,794 Speaker 4: privilege being a part of your day. And we are 767 00:34:07,794 --> 00:34:12,154 Speaker 4: cooking up some more fun, lots of surprises. 768 00:34:11,674 --> 00:34:14,913 Speaker 1: Big things for twenty twenty six. If we were on 769 00:34:14,953 --> 00:34:17,034 Speaker 1: your Spotify wrap list, of course, we'd love it if 770 00:34:17,074 --> 00:34:19,274 Speaker 1: you shared it told everyone else, because what better badge 771 00:34:19,274 --> 00:34:20,874 Speaker 1: of honor than to tell everyone you're a out louder. 772 00:34:20,994 --> 00:34:23,794 Speaker 3: Exactly right, Jesse, Oh, tell them about the book club. 773 00:34:23,914 --> 00:34:26,474 Speaker 4: Yeah. So last week we dropped the first episode of 774 00:34:26,514 --> 00:34:29,834 Speaker 4: our summer book Club series in partnership with Royal Caribbean. 775 00:34:30,394 --> 00:34:33,234 Speaker 4: It was about Miranda July's All Fours. We got such 776 00:34:33,274 --> 00:34:35,993 Speaker 4: great feedback, a lot of people who hadn't even read 777 00:34:35,994 --> 00:34:36,593 Speaker 4: the book but. 778 00:34:36,594 --> 00:34:37,473 Speaker 3: Just waited the book. 779 00:34:37,594 --> 00:34:40,034 Speaker 4: I hated the book, and we're very interested to hear 780 00:34:40,074 --> 00:34:45,513 Speaker 4: our candid commentary. The second book coming up is Great, Big, 781 00:34:45,594 --> 00:34:48,234 Speaker 4: Beautiful Life by Emily Henry. Holly and I have never 782 00:34:48,314 --> 00:34:49,433 Speaker 4: read an Emily Henry book. 783 00:34:49,594 --> 00:34:52,354 Speaker 2: I read two Emily Henry's books, I read Funny Story 784 00:34:52,394 --> 00:34:55,674 Speaker 2: and Happy Place. I love romantic tropes. However, I heard 785 00:34:55,674 --> 00:34:57,834 Speaker 2: this book is a bit different to her usual books. 786 00:34:57,834 --> 00:35:01,514 Speaker 2: It's less trophy. Okay, we're still romance. 787 00:35:01,634 --> 00:35:05,114 Speaker 4: But so that's going to be our next Summer Book 788 00:35:05,114 --> 00:35:08,154 Speaker 4: Club EP. It is dropping on the twenty eighth of December, 789 00:35:08,234 --> 00:35:09,393 Speaker 4: so if you want to be a part of it, 790 00:35:09,474 --> 00:35:13,594 Speaker 4: make sure you start reading and meet us there. Thank 791 00:35:13,634 --> 00:35:16,354 Speaker 4: you to our team for helping us put this show together. 792 00:35:16,514 --> 00:35:22,074 Speaker 4: Group executive producer Ruth Devine, Executive producer Sashatanic. 793 00:35:21,434 --> 00:35:24,954 Speaker 2: Our senior audio producer is Leah Porge's, our video producer 794 00:35:25,034 --> 00:35:28,274 Speaker 2: is Josh Green, and our junior content producer is Tessa Kodovic. 795 00:35:28,674 --> 00:35:35,873 Speaker 1: We'll see you on Monday. Bye bye bye, Mama. Mia 796 00:35:35,914 --> 00:35:38,913 Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which we've 797 00:35:38,954 --> 00:35:40,114 Speaker 1: recorded this podcast.