WEBVTT - Mel Robbins Knows Exactly What's Wrong With You 0:00:10.622 --> 0:00:13.382 You're listening to Amma Mia podcast. 0:00:13.822 --> 0:00:17.182 Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:17.222 --> 0:00:18.782 that this podcast is recorded on. 0:00:21.142 --> 0:00:25.782 Is her background, and is her value system Catholic? 0:00:26.342 --> 0:00:26.381 Like? 0:00:26.542 --> 0:00:27.582 Is that it because a lot. 0:00:27.502 --> 0:00:29.462 Of everyone's value spitalism. 0:00:29.902 --> 0:00:32.422 Well, some of us are atleast trying to resist, but 0:00:32.502 --> 0:00:35.822 I wonder if not so great. 0:00:40.342 --> 0:00:43.302 Hello and welcome to Mamma Mia out Loud and to Friday, 0:00:43.382 --> 0:00:45.942 where we talk about anything other than the news cycle. 0:00:46.302 --> 0:00:49.822 Today it's the fourteenth of March, and my name is Hollywayne, right, I'm. 0:00:49.702 --> 0:00:51.702 Mea Friedman, and I'm Jesse Stevens. 0:00:51.782 --> 0:00:54.542 And on the show today, take my money and tell 0:00:54.542 --> 0:00:57.582 me what to do, the irresistible pool of self help 0:00:57.662 --> 0:01:00.262 gurus and why there's only one right now who has 0:01:00.382 --> 0:01:05.142 absolutely met her moment, Mel Robins. Also in recommendations today, 0:01:05.142 --> 0:01:06.742 we've got books for you to read and a hat 0:01:06.782 --> 0:01:09.542 to wear while reading them. And our best and worst 0:01:09.622 --> 0:01:13.622 the week include terrible parenting, choices, flat social batteries, and 0:01:13.782 --> 0:01:17.462 musical theater. But first me, in case you missed it, 0:01:17.582 --> 0:01:21.182 married people are more likely to masturbate than people living alone. 0:01:22.222 --> 0:01:23.902 This is surprising to me. 0:01:24.222 --> 0:01:25.662 I don't think it is surprised. 0:01:25.702 --> 0:01:26.942 Why is it not surprising? 0:01:27.102 --> 0:01:28.222 How long have you been married? 0:01:31.542 --> 0:01:36.062 I'm leaving it at that. We came across a list 0:01:36.062 --> 0:01:38.662 of fun sex facts that I wanted to share with 0:01:38.742 --> 0:01:42.542 the group. This is my favorite. According to the Kinsey Institute, 0:01:42.622 --> 0:01:47.502 the average speed of sperm during ejaculation is forty five 0:01:47.622 --> 0:01:48.742 kilometers per hour. 0:01:48.942 --> 0:01:51.862 Sounds dangerous. Wow, sounds like it could take an eye out. 0:01:51.902 --> 0:01:54.102 Shouldn't be in a school zone, I mean obviously, because 0:01:54.142 --> 0:01:57.422 you'll get you get it fine, Yeah, yeah. 0:01:57.222 --> 0:01:59.302 It's fine if it's after well, no, you shouldn't. You 0:01:59.302 --> 0:02:00.702 shouldn't be in a school zone. 0:02:01.062 --> 0:02:03.862 Now what if you just what if you're inside your 0:02:03.902 --> 0:02:08.302 house but your house is within a school. A teaspoon 0:02:08.382 --> 0:02:12.542 moving on. A teaspoon of semen contains five calories, and 0:02:12.582 --> 0:02:17.862 a sperm takes one hour to swim seventeen centimeters, which 0:02:18.102 --> 0:02:20.542 I guess seventeen centimeter is probably all you need from 0:02:20.582 --> 0:02:24.182 your bag into the parts. Going any further, getting to alarm, 0:02:24.222 --> 0:02:26.702 But it just seems quite slow, like an hour. Oh no, 0:02:26.742 --> 0:02:29.462 you wouldn't want one in your lung. No, you've got 0:02:29.502 --> 0:02:32.902 to stop, like, don't keep going. But I think it 0:02:32.982 --> 0:02:36.181 feels a bit slow. An hour it does, it does 0:02:37.022 --> 0:02:40.542 hurry along. Scientists are unsure why humans have pubic hair, 0:02:41.062 --> 0:02:44.182 but they theorize that the hair traps secretions that hold 0:02:44.222 --> 0:02:49.262 pheromones or sexual sense, so it's for the smell, special smell, 0:02:49.342 --> 0:02:51.982 a special smell. Men who help with housework tend to 0:02:52.022 --> 0:02:56.982 have more sex that really, statistics show, and women who 0:02:57.022 --> 0:03:00.942 have difficulty reaching an orgasm might just have cold feet, 0:03:01.422 --> 0:03:04.902 actual cold feet, because a study has found that giving 0:03:04.902 --> 0:03:07.982 women warm socks increase their chance of reaching. 0:03:07.982 --> 0:03:12.662 And all should always have bed socks on very sexy, 0:03:12.662 --> 0:03:13.142 maybe with. 0:03:14.862 --> 0:03:17.022 Yeah jewelry, like. 0:03:18.542 --> 0:03:20.702 Because that will really turn your partner on. 0:03:20.822 --> 0:03:22.982 I've noticed a lot of socks now I wanted to 0:03:22.982 --> 0:03:26.142 buy some more socks. Not so much for this reason, 0:03:26.222 --> 0:03:29.501 but can't hurt a lot of socks. They're called studio socks, 0:03:29.542 --> 0:03:32.781 and I assume they're for like doing pilates and stuff, 0:03:32.862 --> 0:03:34.862 or maybe doing sexual positions. 0:03:34.542 --> 0:03:36.822 Where we'd have to They've got little grips on the. 0:03:36.782 --> 0:03:39.422 Bottom, so I don't know. Maybe if you're like in 0:03:39.462 --> 0:03:43.222 an interesting position, having grips on the bottom of your 0:03:43.302 --> 0:03:44.862 warm socks would help. 0:03:44.902 --> 0:03:46.062 You could stick to a wall. 0:03:46.302 --> 0:03:54.542 Yeah, like Spider Man to the ceiling in the. 0:03:54.542 --> 0:04:03.302 Air Okay, all right, Friday Friday stuff spider Man. 0:04:03.662 --> 0:04:06.782 Spider Man, Spider can. 0:04:08.582 --> 0:04:17.622 Size just like guys. 0:04:16.022 --> 0:04:19.301 Been in a situation where maybe your buddies organize a 0:04:19.301 --> 0:04:21.782 golf trip and they don't include you, or the women 0:04:21.861 --> 0:04:23.981 in your life go away for a weekend and you're 0:04:23.981 --> 0:04:27.662 not invited, Or a friend, a friend that you adore, 0:04:27.821 --> 0:04:31.621 is dating a real asshole, somebody who's horrible for them. 0:04:32.101 --> 0:04:35.261 I mean, how much does you worrying about it? How 0:04:35.662 --> 0:04:37.782 is that going to change anything? It's not How does 0:04:37.821 --> 0:04:41.862 spending two hundred hours talking to your friend about this 0:04:41.902 --> 0:04:44.541 horrible person over and over and over? How does that 0:04:44.582 --> 0:04:46.541 How it doesn't let them. 0:04:46.941 --> 0:04:50.301 The twenty tens had Brene Brown telling us all to 0:04:50.342 --> 0:04:53.822 be brave. The Naughties had Tony Robbins walking on hot coals. 0:04:53.902 --> 0:04:55.142 I didn't like that. 0:04:55.142 --> 0:04:57.981 That was way too much. Also, I know people who 0:04:57.981 --> 0:05:00.022 did it, though, I know people who did this. Ver 0:05:00.262 --> 0:05:02.222 cool voice loud. 0:05:02.342 --> 0:05:02.582 Yeah. 0:05:02.741 --> 0:05:05.582 The nineties had John Gray with his men are from Mars, 0:05:05.582 --> 0:05:06.421 women from Venale. 0:05:06.421 --> 0:05:06.941 I like that. 0:05:07.142 --> 0:05:07.821 I know you did. 0:05:07.981 --> 0:05:08.861 I thought that was great. 0:05:08.941 --> 0:05:11.022 This is one divisions in our relationship. 0:05:11.101 --> 0:05:13.702 May is such a basic news from Mars. 0:05:13.741 --> 0:05:15.502 I still talk about that a lot that book, and 0:05:15.582 --> 0:05:19.981 of course all the decades mostly Oprah. Every era has 0:05:20.022 --> 0:05:22.782 its Zeitgey self help guru, and twenty twenty five has 0:05:22.902 --> 0:05:27.581 unequivocally crowned mel Robins. Yes of let them fame, more 0:05:27.662 --> 0:05:30.821 about let them in a moment. Robin's podcast is currently 0:05:30.821 --> 0:05:32.541 the number one in Australia, which we're not at all 0:05:32.582 --> 0:05:37.142 bitter about because we're number three. Robins is huge. She's 0:05:37.181 --> 0:05:39.222 been doing this for a while, so she has been 0:05:39.342 --> 0:05:41.662 a life coach and a motivational speaker for over a 0:05:41.741 --> 0:05:45.942 decade and until this massive breakthrough moment, she'd built an 0:05:45.941 --> 0:05:49.501 empire from kind of really down home, like kind of 0:05:49.541 --> 0:05:52.062 like your grandma would have told you this advice. So 0:05:52.101 --> 0:05:52.861 it's quite. 0:05:52.662 --> 0:05:56.422 Bossy, Like I've been chusing her for probably more than 0:05:56.501 --> 0:06:00.461 five years. And she had a ted talk that went viral. 0:06:00.541 --> 0:06:02.342 About the five second role procrastination. 0:06:02.741 --> 0:06:06.182 Yeah, and she's got a really great backstory which we'll 0:06:06.181 --> 0:06:08.662 get to in a second, a good origin story, and 0:06:09.262 --> 0:06:11.181 she's very sort of no nonsense. 0:06:11.222 --> 0:06:13.461 So she's like, jump out of bed in the morning 0:06:13.501 --> 0:06:16.462 and get outside, don't procrastinate, that's the five second rule. 0:06:16.741 --> 0:06:19.342 Think positively all the time. She's like, whether you think 0:06:19.381 --> 0:06:21.021 you can, or you think you can't. You're right like 0:06:21.101 --> 0:06:24.541 that kind of stuff. A short walk solves most problems, 0:06:24.821 --> 0:06:27.101 make everyone else's day a little bit better. So very 0:06:27.421 --> 0:06:31.782 like solid white beddy kind of She's. 0:06:31.662 --> 0:06:32.421 Not wu Wu. 0:06:32.582 --> 0:06:35.501 She's not wu Wu. She's sold millions of books, She's 0:06:35.541 --> 0:06:39.181 had billions of podcast streams. A little tiny bit about 0:06:39.222 --> 0:06:42.381 her origin story before we get into the let them phenomena, 0:06:42.462 --> 0:06:47.462 because every guru needs one Robins's self reinvention. At forty one, 0:06:47.702 --> 0:06:50.621 she was unemployed. She'd gone broke from a failed business 0:06:50.702 --> 0:06:53.141 venture that left her and her husband with eight hundred 0:06:53.142 --> 0:06:56.461 thousand dollars in debt. She says that she was miserable 0:06:56.501 --> 0:06:59.222 and unhappy. She said, my past was full of shitty behavior. 0:06:59.621 --> 0:07:02.222 I used to be a real competitive, insecure asshole, and 0:07:02.301 --> 0:07:05.582 I hurt people and blah blah blah. Right, Jesse, I 0:07:05.582 --> 0:07:07.181 don't know how to tell you this next bit because 0:07:07.222 --> 0:07:09.982 you're not gonna like it. Before she was a life 0:07:10.022 --> 0:07:12.342 coach and a motivational speaker. She was a criminal lawyer, 0:07:12.342 --> 0:07:14.182 and she was on happy and dissatisfied. So she's got 0:07:14.222 --> 0:07:16.062 a law degree. She was working as a criminal lawyer. 0:07:16.302 --> 0:07:19.101 She went to a life coach to say, what should 0:07:19.102 --> 0:07:21.862 I do with my life? I'm unhappy and dissatisfied. The 0:07:21.941 --> 0:07:25.022 life coach told her she should be a life coach, 0:07:25.742 --> 0:07:30.022 and so she launched, and so it begins, and her 0:07:30.102 --> 0:07:33.742 two self help companies and quickly and this reputation as 0:07:33.782 --> 0:07:38.302 a tough love personal improvement coach mia. Why is this 0:07:38.782 --> 0:07:40.142 Mel Robbins's moment? 0:07:40.902 --> 0:07:43.742 I think the news cycle has never been more intense 0:07:43.821 --> 0:07:47.502 than it's been sort of this past eighteen months, between 0:07:47.622 --> 0:07:54.302 war and Trump and algorithms, and everyone's just feeling very besieged. 0:07:55.342 --> 0:07:58.782 And what the let them theory is, and let them 0:07:58.982 --> 0:08:03.502 is about recognizing things you can't control. Essentially, it's about 0:08:03.622 --> 0:08:07.102 if if someone's not dating you and then not interested, 0:08:07.582 --> 0:08:10.302 let them not be interested. If you're partner wants to 0:08:10.381 --> 0:08:13.702 end the relationship, let them. If your kid hasn't taken 0:08:13.742 --> 0:08:17.262 his lunch to school again, let them be hungry. And 0:08:17.862 --> 0:08:22.182 it's that idea of personal empowerment, but in a very 0:08:22.222 --> 0:08:22.982 passive way. 0:08:23.302 --> 0:08:24.141 So what she's. 0:08:23.982 --> 0:08:28.182 Actually doing, I think everyone's so tired. Remember Cheryl Samberg, 0:08:28.182 --> 0:08:30.342 who is another bit of a self help guru, that 0:08:30.462 --> 0:08:32.822 was all about leaning. That was the girl Boss era, 0:08:33.022 --> 0:08:37.462 and that was hustle culture. Mel Robbins and let them 0:08:37.822 --> 0:08:38.862 is about lie down. 0:08:39.222 --> 0:08:40.422 It's about stop. 0:08:40.142 --> 0:08:43.542 Trying to change people, stop trying to change things, stop 0:08:43.622 --> 0:08:47.542 trying to control every outcome. Just accept what you can't 0:08:47.622 --> 0:08:50.902 change about others, like the Serenity prayer, and work on 0:08:50.982 --> 0:08:53.862 what you can change and what you can do. And 0:08:53.902 --> 0:08:56.662 I think that there's something really appealing about that. It's 0:08:56.702 --> 0:09:00.782 also short, it's simple. Her advice is not, as I said, 0:09:00.822 --> 0:09:02.942 it's not wu wu. It's not like soul food. It 0:09:02.942 --> 0:09:06.342 doesn't require a lot of self reflection. It's very practical. 0:09:06.582 --> 0:09:09.182 In fact, she doesn't really like self reflection much. Jesse, 0:09:09.542 --> 0:09:12.342 why do you think we're so addicted to being told 0:09:12.342 --> 0:09:12.822 what to do? 0:09:13.302 --> 0:09:17.342 I reckon we all feel woefully unqualified to make any 0:09:17.382 --> 0:09:19.582 decisions about our own lives. And I actually don't think 0:09:19.622 --> 0:09:23.782 that's entirely new. I was thinking about how my grandmother 0:09:24.262 --> 0:09:28.102 would have gone to her priest, and over the weekend 0:09:28.222 --> 0:09:32.302 we were at synagogue. Maya was speaking and a rabbi 0:09:32.382 --> 0:09:34.542 was on the panel, and I thought I would love 0:09:34.622 --> 0:09:37.381 an hour with a rabbi to just really corner her 0:09:37.382 --> 0:09:40.662 and got very wise, can you solve them? And this 0:09:40.822 --> 0:09:42.382 is still I mean, all over the world there are 0:09:42.382 --> 0:09:45.182 lots of religious people who turned to a monk or 0:09:45.182 --> 0:09:48.822 an or a a rabbi or a priest to help them, 0:09:48.942 --> 0:09:54.142 and I think that Mel Robbins has actually used a 0:09:54.262 --> 0:10:00.662 few techniques and language that mirrors this. For example, she 0:10:00.782 --> 0:10:03.142 often says I just happened to be the messenger. I 0:10:03.222 --> 0:10:05.022 just happened to be the messenger of this, which. 0:10:04.862 --> 0:10:06.582 Is very, very Jesus. 0:10:07.142 --> 0:10:09.862 And she has this email that she sends out and 0:10:09.902 --> 0:10:12.542 she says, in case nobody else tells you today, let 0:10:12.582 --> 0:10:14.142 me be the first to say that I love you, 0:10:14.222 --> 0:10:16.102 and I believe in you and your ability to create 0:10:16.102 --> 0:10:20.062 a better life. Unconditional love is nice, yes, but I 0:10:20.102 --> 0:10:23.382 think that the demise of religion has left a wide 0:10:23.422 --> 0:10:24.102 open hole. 0:10:24.262 --> 0:10:26.222 And we've filled it with celebrities for a little while, 0:10:26.262 --> 0:10:26.582 didn't they. 0:10:26.902 --> 0:10:27.702 Yeah, But I. 0:10:27.622 --> 0:10:30.102 Think that there's still this sense of I don't know 0:10:30.142 --> 0:10:32.822 what to do. I was reading a few interviews with 0:10:32.862 --> 0:10:35.261 people who said, you know, this sounds weird, but I 0:10:35.302 --> 0:10:37.702 feel like she has my back. And when I've spoken 0:10:37.742 --> 0:10:40.862 to people who are very religious, the thing I'm most 0:10:40.982 --> 0:10:43.502 envious of is they say, I feel like someone's watching 0:10:43.542 --> 0:10:46.902 out for me, like someone has some greater plan, Like 0:10:47.022 --> 0:10:49.542 Mel Robbins will often say the universe has a plan 0:10:49.582 --> 0:10:53.662 blah blah blah, and so I think there's an element 0:10:53.702 --> 0:10:55.662 of that. But I guess the question I would ask 0:10:55.902 --> 0:10:59.422 is that when you have religious people say the priest 0:10:59.862 --> 0:11:01.702 answer you, or you go to them with a crisis, 0:11:02.382 --> 0:11:07.662 they have a methodology. They have centuries of texts and 0:11:08.102 --> 0:11:12.702 conversations and ethics and values that inform their answer. If 0:11:12.702 --> 0:11:15.702 you go to a psychologist, they have a methodology which 0:11:15.822 --> 0:11:20.222 is research based evidence. My worry about certain gurus is 0:11:20.262 --> 0:11:23.662 when you go, what's your methodology other than what sounds 0:11:23.742 --> 0:11:25.222 right and what feels right. 0:11:25.102 --> 0:11:26.942 And what's going to go viral and what's. 0:11:26.822 --> 0:11:30.141 Going to go viral? How do we know to trust you? 0:11:30.182 --> 0:11:31.822 Because where's this information coming from? 0:11:31.902 --> 0:11:34.142 What Mel Robbins is and all of those people that 0:11:34.182 --> 0:11:38.022 are listed at the beginning were they're just very good communicators, right, 0:11:38.142 --> 0:11:41.742 Because Mel Robbins is obviously smart. She's obviously smart, she's 0:11:41.742 --> 0:11:45.502 obviously experienced in this field. But what she's saying, and 0:11:45.542 --> 0:11:47.662 she says this herself, like I've been listening to it. 0:11:47.782 --> 0:11:49.222 I was listening to her quite a lot the other 0:11:49.302 --> 0:11:51.982 day on a long drive, and she'll say herself, this 0:11:52.022 --> 0:11:54.102 is all stuff your grandmother would have told you, if 0:11:54.142 --> 0:11:55.822 you'd have had the kind of grandmother who tells you 0:11:55.862 --> 0:11:58.261 things which in itself tells you something about the way 0:11:58.302 --> 0:12:00.902 our families are now. She said, I'm going to tell 0:12:00.942 --> 0:12:02.622 you in simple terms, and then I'm going to give 0:12:02.622 --> 0:12:05.182 you a trick to remember it. It's not that she's 0:12:05.302 --> 0:12:07.622 come up with all these brilliant ideas necessarily, but she's 0:12:07.702 --> 0:12:10.462 very good at packaging them, and she's very good at communicating, 0:12:10.502 --> 0:12:13.782 and that's the key. The thing that's interesting about it 0:12:13.822 --> 0:12:16.062 is that mel Robins and I'm distant criticism of her, 0:12:16.262 --> 0:12:18.742 like I find her advice very interesting and helpful lots 0:12:18.782 --> 0:12:21.142 of ways. But she doesn't really have you back, guys. 0:12:21.302 --> 0:12:24.182 She's just making a lot of money. She's doing not 0:12:24.582 --> 0:12:27.302 in a nefarious way. She's selling a product that people 0:12:27.342 --> 0:12:30.222 need and want. Because I think me is absolutely spot 0:12:30.262 --> 0:12:32.822 on when she's like, our lives feel out of control. 0:12:32.982 --> 0:12:36.622 Everything feels out of control. Even the most ordinary life 0:12:36.782 --> 0:12:38.422 has a lot of problems in it. We all have 0:12:38.462 --> 0:12:42.302 a lot of problems in five. And the thing that 0:12:42.382 --> 0:12:44.982 self help, over the decades that it's established itself as 0:12:45.022 --> 0:12:47.502 being very mainstream has convinced us off is that we 0:12:47.582 --> 0:12:49.902 can solve them. If only we tried harder, if only 0:12:49.942 --> 0:12:52.062 we got up earlier, if only we did whatever, then 0:12:52.062 --> 0:12:54.742 we can solve them. It's up to us. She's the 0:12:54.742 --> 0:12:57.062 same vein as all that, She's just packaged it a 0:12:57.102 --> 0:13:01.182 bit differently. It's interesting because she even starts her podcast 0:13:01.222 --> 0:13:03.782 by saying, Hi, it's your friend mel here, and it's like, 0:13:04.902 --> 0:13:06.902 you know, like I find that a tiny bit. I 0:13:06.942 --> 0:13:09.182 think maybe that's also because I'm not American that I 0:13:09.222 --> 0:13:13.062 find the tiny bit. I can see through it. You know. 0:13:13.142 --> 0:13:15.902 It's also that therapy speaking, psychobabble and all of that. 0:13:15.942 --> 0:13:18.582 It's ubiquitous everywhere at the moment. The rise of that 0:13:18.702 --> 0:13:21.382 has not dovetailed with a rise in accessibility. So everyone 0:13:21.382 --> 0:13:24.342 thinks they need a therapist, but most people can't afford one. 0:13:24.622 --> 0:13:26.902 So mel Ron know how to go about even getting no. 0:13:27.022 --> 0:13:30.622 So mel Robins can be your therapist for free. On 0:13:30.822 --> 0:13:33.302 that on she's trying to sell you something. I do 0:13:33.622 --> 0:13:35.222 wonder and I listen to a lot of her advice. 0:13:35.302 --> 0:13:36.782 I don't think she is the same as the other 0:13:36.782 --> 0:13:40.022 gurus because I look at Brene Brown, who had decades 0:13:40.542 --> 0:13:44.142 of expertise and academia and studies and she was saying 0:13:44.182 --> 0:13:45.062 something grounded in. 0:13:45.062 --> 0:13:47.742 Science, and she is still around, and she's still still. 0:13:47.542 --> 0:13:49.982 Around in a way that Mel Robbin's what she's saying 0:13:50.022 --> 0:13:52.302 isn't necessarily grounded in science, or at least she doesn't 0:13:52.302 --> 0:13:55.622 show us her working out. But she started as a 0:13:55.622 --> 0:13:58.582 business coach, and I think that that might be a 0:13:58.702 --> 0:14:01.382 clue to what her values. 0:14:02.022 --> 0:14:04.302 That's that you've just made me realize. That's how I 0:14:04.422 --> 0:14:07.862 found her. I was starting to look at around when 0:14:07.902 --> 0:14:10.222 I was doing ladies startup and I started to look 0:14:10.222 --> 0:14:12.342 at some of the women, other women in that space. 0:14:13.022 --> 0:14:15.422 This is probably more than five years ago now, and 0:14:15.582 --> 0:14:18.742 that's when I found her. It was about business, and 0:14:18.782 --> 0:14:22.382 it was about content creation and reaching an audience and 0:14:22.422 --> 0:14:23.422 doing all of those things. 0:14:23.862 --> 0:14:25.342 A clue to. 0:14:26.022 --> 0:14:29.742 What data or methodology she's bringing to her advice is 0:14:29.782 --> 0:14:34.462 her background? And is her value system capitalism? 0:14:34.822 --> 0:14:34.942 Like? 0:14:35.062 --> 0:14:36.062 Is that it because a lot. 0:14:35.982 --> 0:14:37.982 Of see everyone's value system isism. 0:14:38.382 --> 0:14:40.622 Well, some of us are at least trying to resist. 0:14:40.822 --> 0:14:45.382 But I wonder if not so great because a lot 0:14:45.382 --> 0:14:51.022 of her advice is very, very individualistic. It's very if 0:14:51.062 --> 0:14:54.062 you help yourself, you'll help others ah, and that it's 0:14:54.142 --> 0:14:56.502 not systemic it's not institutional. 0:14:56.622 --> 0:14:57.782 It's about accountability. 0:14:57.942 --> 0:14:59.662 It's about accountability. 0:14:58.982 --> 0:15:01.262 And taking responsibility for yourself. 0:15:01.342 --> 0:15:04.062 One thing I think we've we've probably got to acknowledge 0:15:04.222 --> 0:15:05.542 is that a lot of the people who have reported 0:15:05.622 --> 0:15:07.102 on her and done features and gone and listened to 0:15:07.142 --> 0:15:09.862 her speak is Wow, that's a lot of white women. 0:15:10.022 --> 0:15:11.782 I'm not saying that white women don't have problems or 0:15:11.782 --> 0:15:14.422 that they're not a legitimate market, but the fact that 0:15:14.462 --> 0:15:17.782 there is a sort of homogeneous market for her, I 0:15:17.782 --> 0:15:19.862 think says something about what the problems of the white 0:15:19.902 --> 0:15:23.542 woman is. And maybe it's that if you can feed 0:15:23.542 --> 0:15:26.622 your family and if you feel safe, and if you're 0:15:26.662 --> 0:15:30.942 a middle class woman in America, then you worry about X, 0:15:31.102 --> 0:15:31.382 Y and Z. 0:15:31.782 --> 0:15:34.142 I don't know about that. What do you think You're 0:15:34.182 --> 0:15:37.502 not wrong about who her audience is. But I think, 0:15:38.622 --> 0:15:41.582 as I was saying before, every life is very complex. 0:15:41.742 --> 0:15:44.142 You only have to scratch the tiny surface of seed 0:15:44.142 --> 0:15:46.062 that what people are actually going through in terms of 0:15:46.142 --> 0:15:50.342 illness and divorce and money struggles and estrangement from family 0:15:50.382 --> 0:15:54.742 members and addiction issues like that applies to all of those. 0:15:55.022 --> 0:15:56.902 Do you think she appeals Is it as simple as 0:15:56.902 --> 0:15:59.302 she's a white woman, so she looks like I think. 0:15:59.182 --> 0:16:02.502 She's very palatable and packageable. She's like, you know, blonde 0:16:02.542 --> 0:16:06.102 and attractive. But I just think she's a really good communicator. 0:16:06.142 --> 0:16:08.022 I think that she's ading to and I think the 0:16:08.102 --> 0:16:10.782 meeting her moment thing I think me nails it about 0:16:10.982 --> 0:16:13.702 let them and the uncontrollable moment. But also it's interesting 0:16:13.702 --> 0:16:16.102 is she's a political right I've listened to a lot 0:16:16.142 --> 0:16:18.142 of interviews with her. She can have a bit of 0:16:18.182 --> 0:16:20.302 a snipe about Trump, but she's smart enough to know 0:16:20.702 --> 0:16:23.462 that that's a lot of her market. So she's kind 0:16:23.462 --> 0:16:27.382 of she's talking to sort of every woman in a way, 0:16:27.902 --> 0:16:30.022 like every woman, I'm sure, as you say, this is 0:16:30.062 --> 0:16:33.262 definitely a demographic there, but she's not alienating anyone. She's 0:16:33.302 --> 0:16:36.062 not making everything political. It's kind of like a mix 0:16:36.142 --> 0:16:38.702 of This is quite soothing to listen to, and also 0:16:39.062 --> 0:16:40.822 you've end up listening to her and you're like, yes, 0:16:41.102 --> 0:16:43.142 I am going to get up at six o'clock. Yes 0:16:43.182 --> 0:16:45.542 I am going to talk to myself in the mirror 0:16:45.622 --> 0:16:47.942 like somebody who likes themselves and all those things. 0:16:48.542 --> 0:16:51.902 So two of her other philosophies in addition to let 0:16:51.982 --> 0:16:55.822 them one is the high five trick, and it's every 0:16:55.902 --> 0:16:58.702 morning you get up, you brush your teeth, and you 0:16:58.702 --> 0:17:00.942 look in the mirror and you give yourself a high five. 0:17:01.662 --> 0:17:04.341 Our production team are just high fiving each other now 0:17:04.581 --> 0:17:08.061 as we speak. But her point is that we are programmed. 0:17:08.422 --> 0:17:11.861 When you give a high five gesture, you are positive, 0:17:12.222 --> 0:17:15.942 you are active, you are all of those things, and 0:17:16.141 --> 0:17:19.022 by doing that, you can't not be, so it almost 0:17:19.101 --> 0:17:21.141 tricks you, no matter how bad you're feeling. The other 0:17:21.182 --> 0:17:26.261 one is the five second rule for stopping procrastination, and 0:17:26.302 --> 0:17:28.982 that is to literally say to yourself, I'm going to 0:17:29.061 --> 0:17:31.061 count down from five to zero, and when I get 0:17:31.061 --> 0:17:32.462 to zero, I'm going to do it. Whether it's getting 0:17:32.542 --> 0:17:36.222 up out of bed, answering an email, calling someone, you always. 0:17:35.901 --> 0:17:39.141 Speak, but going back to the gap that's been left. 0:17:39.182 --> 0:17:40.941 And to be clear, when I talk about my my 0:17:41.101 --> 0:17:43.542 nan going to the priest, yeah, he was always a man, 0:17:43.702 --> 0:17:46.622 and there are so many limitations issues. 0:17:46.222 --> 0:17:50.222 With you go with their own agenda to their own agenda. 0:17:49.661 --> 0:17:51.821 And didn't he pretty much The answer was always say 0:17:51.861 --> 0:17:54.382 Hail Mary's and you know, go back and look after 0:17:54.422 --> 0:17:57.422 your children, Tino of your life. 0:17:57.101 --> 0:17:59.582 Well, not necessarily of someone's life, but I'm thinking even 0:17:59.621 --> 0:18:02.742 about the rabbi is they have these scriptures in these books, 0:18:02.782 --> 0:18:05.741 and underpinning a lot of it was this sense of 0:18:06.061 --> 0:18:08.622 community and social cohesion, a lot. 0:18:08.422 --> 0:18:10.862 Of what or it's your fault or it's. 0:18:10.661 --> 0:18:12.621 Your fault, and let's not forget the homophobia and the 0:18:12.621 --> 0:18:14.861 sexism and all that and putting that to the side 0:18:14.861 --> 0:18:18.181 for a minute. Mel Robbins, I mean, high fiving the 0:18:18.302 --> 0:18:20.102 mirror isn't going to change the world. 0:18:20.101 --> 0:18:22.621 But it's not trying to. That's what self help is. 0:18:22.901 --> 0:18:25.262 Self help isn't about helping other people. And I think 0:18:25.302 --> 0:18:28.422 that's another reason why she's met the moment. I think 0:18:28.462 --> 0:18:32.341 that two things. For the last few years, we've seen 0:18:32.422 --> 0:18:36.901 a real rise in victim culture where whoever's got the 0:18:36.942 --> 0:18:40.902 biggest hardship wins, and there's a real sense of your 0:18:41.341 --> 0:18:46.141 wounds are your evidence or is the greatest most important 0:18:46.141 --> 0:18:50.381 part of you? Your wounds bring status, your disadvantages bring status. 0:18:51.061 --> 0:18:53.782 She's very much the opposite of that. She's very much 0:18:53.942 --> 0:18:58.302 like there's nothing to be said for walloweing there's strength 0:18:58.462 --> 0:19:03.502 in making change, and you can't change systemic inequality, you 0:19:03.581 --> 0:19:06.581 can't change the economy. 0:19:06.621 --> 0:19:08.101 I think that that's a paladin. 0:19:09.782 --> 0:19:12.341 As an individual You can't. But what you can do 0:19:12.861 --> 0:19:15.702 is get out of bed in the morning, high five yourself, 0:19:15.982 --> 0:19:19.101 and feel better. And we know that the key to 0:19:19.262 --> 0:19:22.061 making any positive change, whether it's outside your life or 0:19:22.061 --> 0:19:25.061 inside your life, is feeling good. If you feel miserable 0:19:25.101 --> 0:19:28.581 and your self esteem is low and you're procrastinating, you're 0:19:28.621 --> 0:19:29.702 of no good to anyone. 0:19:30.502 --> 0:19:30.742 True. 0:19:30.782 --> 0:19:34.461 But I think that there's a difference between Brene Brown, right, 0:19:34.502 --> 0:19:38.621 it was all about vulnerability and connection. Interestingly is Mel 0:19:38.702 --> 0:19:41.581 Robins because in saying let them, there's a bit of 0:19:41.742 --> 0:19:44.621 siloing there, which is sort of like I'm going to 0:19:44.661 --> 0:19:46.461 do my thing. And I listened to a bunch of 0:19:46.462 --> 0:19:48.781 Mel Robins in preparation for this, and I like her. 0:19:48.861 --> 0:19:51.542 I'm not trying to I've just got some questions about 0:19:51.621 --> 0:19:54.782 what she says. She uses the word winning a lot, 0:19:54.901 --> 0:19:57.461 and like you are going to be the winner and 0:19:57.502 --> 0:19:59.381 the past you would have been a loser and all 0:19:59.381 --> 0:20:02.862