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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and

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Speaker 2: waters that this podcast is recorded on.

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Speaker 3: I'm a Shiny Dante, host of But Are You Happy?

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Speaker 1: Did you know that.

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Speaker 3: One in five Australians experience and mental health condition each year,

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Speaker 3: yet too many suffer in silence. Talking about our feelings

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Speaker 3: and experiences is one of the most powerful steps towards

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Speaker 3: healing and knowing we're not alone. That's why we're introducing

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Speaker 3: I Never Told You This, a series created to spark honest,

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Speaker 3: meaningful conversations that support better mental well being. Brought to

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Speaker 3: you by Medibank, this episode discusses experiences of anxiety, panic

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Speaker 3: attacks and postnatal depression. Please listen with care and if

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Speaker 3: it feels like too much right now, you're warmly encouraged

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Speaker 3: to skip this one or come back to this episode

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Speaker 3: whenever you're ready.

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Speaker 4: Like what if my body does something and I don't

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Speaker 4: have control over it?

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Speaker 2: Yes? If I fu Yeah, Two people, One big reveal.

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Speaker 2: I Never Told You This a simple card game where

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Speaker 2: one question could change everything. It starts like, what s

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Speaker 2: more things brings your joy? I'm not going to answer that,

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Speaker 2: then comes the moment that could shift a relationship forever.

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Speaker 1: As they finished this sentence, I never told you this.

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Speaker 4: I've never told you.

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Speaker 1: They never told you this.

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Speaker 2: Today mother and daughter, Johanna and Naraine will be sitting

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Speaker 2: down together feeling apprehensive.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling nervous.

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Speaker 2: Johanna has something big to reveal to her daughter.

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Speaker 1: I'm feeling confident that it's going to be the right

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Speaker 1: thing to do. I want to have an in depth

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Speaker 1: conversation with you today. We've got these Medibank Family Roast

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Speaker 1: cards to help us with it. I'm going to pick

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Speaker 1: up a card. Now, what piece of advice would you

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Speaker 1: give your younger self?

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Speaker 4: Don't care people think. I'm wasted a lot of time

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Speaker 4: doing things I didn't want to do, worried about what

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Speaker 4: people think. I'm ready to another CARDI.

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Speaker 1: You, let's see what it is.

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Speaker 4: Tell us about an amazing thing you've seen or done.

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Speaker 1: Go Upper Mountain. It was practically straight up and down

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Speaker 1: to see all the sights of Hong Kong. What about

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Speaker 1: Junior rain. What's the most amazing thing you've ever done?

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Speaker 4: Give birth?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I sometimes even yeah, sit down and go wow, I

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Speaker 4: did that? Like you've had four daughters and but like

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Speaker 4: for me, this was like this huge me trying to

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Speaker 4: calm you.

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Speaker 1: Are you swearing at me?

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Speaker 4: I don't remember that. I'm going to say plausible deniability

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Speaker 4: because there's no record of that turn. That never happened.

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Speaker 1: Okay, time to pull another carry out. Let's have a look.

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Speaker 1: I never told you this. So you were born six

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Speaker 1: o'clock in the morning on Valentine's Day. You were the

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Speaker 1: most beautiful baby I'd ever seen. You were so beautiful.

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Speaker 1: I kept kissing you. I took you out of the cradle.

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Speaker 1: They said you got to put her back and not

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Speaker 1: carry you. As soon as they walk out of the room,

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Speaker 1: I'd take you and put your on the bed with

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Speaker 1: me and caddle you. We'd only been here about six

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Speaker 1: months because when I came from Fiji to Australia, I

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Speaker 1: was already pregnant with you. I had to deal with

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Speaker 1: everything myself, even though Dad was there, he had to

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Speaker 1: go to work. It was very, very hard for me.

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Speaker 1: So I used to get these panic attacks and anxiety

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Speaker 1: whilst walking down the street. I would be so afraid

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Speaker 1: of so much things. I couldn't even get into a car.

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Speaker 1: I would think that the door was going to open

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Speaker 1: and I was going to fall out, or that I

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Speaker 1: myself would open that door, yeah, and jump out to

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Speaker 1: the point where I had to go back to doctor

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Speaker 1: and see doctor, and he told me that, you know,

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Speaker 1: suffering from postnatal depression.

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Speaker 4: Do you know what's so crazy? I don't know how

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Speaker 4: you're only just telling me this now. I've literally had

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Speaker 4: those same thoughts, really, those exact thoughts where I've been

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Speaker 4: in a car, like what if my body does something

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Speaker 4: and I don't have control over it?

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Speaker 1: Yes? What if I what?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the rest of this episode of I never told

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Speaker 3: you this right after the.

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Speaker 1: Break just imagine you know, I've never shared this with you,

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Speaker 1: and you've never shared your experience with me.

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Speaker 4: But I feel like if you had maybe shared this earlier,

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Speaker 4: I would have maybe felt less crazy.

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Speaker 1: But I didn't know you were going through.

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Speaker 4: That because I was doing what you were doing and

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Speaker 4: just not wanting to tell me about my problems. That's right,

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Speaker 4: That's right, Wow, Like I was there tracked in my

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Speaker 4: own hell.

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Speaker 1: I felt.

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Speaker 4: In cap yeah, you know, and I felt that potentially

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Speaker 4: if I told people what I was going through, that

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Speaker 4: they might not see me being fit to parents. Yes,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean, that I might be judged

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Speaker 4: as a mother.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that hurts me a lot, Dear, it does, because

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Speaker 1: you know how much I care for you. It's not

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Speaker 1: your fault, no, But the thing is, I feel that

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Speaker 1: I should have been more open with you kids, all

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Speaker 1: of you, but especially you, because it only happened to

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Speaker 1: me after I gave birth to you. And for me,

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Speaker 1: I realized today it's because it was the enormity of

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Speaker 1: moving to a new country, knowing I had no family

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Speaker 1: beside me to help me. And when we feel that

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Speaker 1: everyone is depending on us to solve it, then we

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Speaker 1: panic and we get the panic attacks that come.

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Speaker 4: That's exactly my entire life.

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Speaker 1: You were trying to do the best you can and

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Speaker 1: being pregnant, taking care of your whole and your husband

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Speaker 1: and family and even lots of other people. You are

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Speaker 1: a wonderful mother. And I'm not telling you this just

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Speaker 1: to make you happy or to give false praise. You

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Speaker 1: are such a good mother. You do I feel think.

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Speaker 4: First copying you like, I feel like I'm just emulating

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Speaker 4: the things that you.

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Speaker 1: Do, Darling. You're better than me. The way you take

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Speaker 1: care of your daughter, your home, your family, involved in

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Speaker 1: the things in school. Gabrielle is so lucky to have

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Speaker 1: a mom like you. I admire you so much and

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Speaker 1: so always know that, always know that whenever you feel funny,

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Speaker 1: or you feel different, or something's maybe going on in

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Speaker 1: your head, you think to yourself, you're good enough. That's

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Speaker 1: all that matters.

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Speaker 4: I'm so grateful to even like have a mom that

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Speaker 4: would say that to me. And I just think to

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Speaker 4: myself as a mother, did you feel good enough? We

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Speaker 4: obviously think you good enough, but it's like, can you

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Speaker 4: make me feel that.

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Speaker 1: Or do you feel good enough? I don't know. I'm

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Speaker 1: just the type of person that don't expect much.

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Speaker 4: I just feel like a good mother. Do you feel

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Speaker 4: like do you know that you're Yes?

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Speaker 1: I know I'm a good mother. I know I'm a

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Speaker 1: good mother because I have a lot of love for

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Speaker 1: my children. And don't ever think that anything you do

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Speaker 1: is insignificant. Everything you do or you don't do still

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Speaker 1: means a lot to me. Thank you, Love you, bub