WEBVTT - EXTRA: The Friends Who Moved In Together At 60 0:00:10.287 --> 0:00:14.807 You're listening to a mother mea podcast. Mamma Mere acknowledges 0:00:14.847 --> 0:00:17.567 the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast 0:00:17.647 --> 0:00:22.647 is recorded on. Hello, my friends, I'm Holly Wainwright and 0:00:22.727 --> 0:00:27.607 I am mid midlife, mid family and mid post work fantasy. 0:00:28.247 --> 0:00:32.087 Today I'm bringing you a different kind of conversation, one 0:00:32.167 --> 0:00:35.727 with three couples who all live together. But please don't 0:00:35.727 --> 0:00:38.727 call them swingers. We'll get to that in a minute. 0:00:39.407 --> 0:00:41.447 We said we're going to drop you a few little 0:00:41.447 --> 0:00:43.967 extras in Mid this season, and this is one of those. 0:00:44.487 --> 0:00:47.087 As you might have noticed, this season of Mid has 0:00:47.127 --> 0:00:50.287 been supported all the way through by a ware super. Now, 0:00:50.327 --> 0:00:52.567 if you're like me, you might switch off a little 0:00:52.607 --> 0:00:55.407 bit at the word super. But then, also if you're 0:00:55.607 --> 0:00:58.287 like me, and as the year's click over, you are 0:00:58.367 --> 0:01:02.047 starting to wonder about what a post work life might 0:01:02.087 --> 0:01:05.607 look like. Yes, a post work life is what I'm 0:01:05.647 --> 0:01:10.327 calling retirement, because retirement can sound a bit passive, a 0:01:10.407 --> 0:01:14.807 bit retreating, a little bit like giving up, when actually 0:01:14.927 --> 0:01:19.367 this third act can be anything but retiring. Also because 0:01:19.367 --> 0:01:21.367 for plenty of us, giving up work entirely is not 0:01:21.447 --> 0:01:24.927 going to happen, maybe because of necessity, maybe because you 0:01:25.127 --> 0:01:27.607 love your work and it gives you meaning and energy. 0:01:28.247 --> 0:01:31.087 Maybe rather than not working at all, you just want 0:01:31.167 --> 0:01:34.047 the freedom to pick and choose when and weather you 0:01:34.167 --> 0:01:37.687 put the grind behind you. But maybe, of course you 0:01:37.767 --> 0:01:40.527 are dying to ditch anything and everything to do with 0:01:40.647 --> 0:01:45.247 work and focus on doing everything else whatever blows. 0:01:44.887 --> 0:01:45.567 Your hair back. 0:01:45.647 --> 0:01:48.567 But as part of these seasons of mid we're bringing 0:01:48.567 --> 0:01:51.607 you conversations with women who are doing their post work 0:01:51.647 --> 0:01:54.927 lives a little differently, not because you're there yet Mids, 0:01:55.167 --> 0:01:59.167 but for a little future in slow. If you've ever 0:01:59.247 --> 0:02:02.567 said to your best mate that when you're old you're 0:02:02.607 --> 0:02:05.847 going to live together, build a compound, or tear up 0:02:05.847 --> 0:02:10.607 the over fifties lifestyle village, this conversation's fee. It's with 0:02:11.007 --> 0:02:16.567 two women called Eve Grisbowski and Heather Bolster, two of 0:02:16.607 --> 0:02:19.327 the six people who are all living together on a 0:02:19.327 --> 0:02:23.567 beautiful property on New South Wales's Mid North coast. These 0:02:23.687 --> 0:02:26.527 three couples have been friends for years, and, like a 0:02:26.527 --> 0:02:28.847 lot of good mates, over the years, they'd go on 0:02:28.927 --> 0:02:32.647 holiday together every year. On one of those trips long ago, 0:02:32.807 --> 0:02:35.607 they began to talk about how they all saw their 0:02:35.647 --> 0:02:41.127 next phase and weather pooling their resources would make everyone's 0:02:41.207 --> 0:02:44.767 third act a lot more fun. This is the kind 0:02:44.807 --> 0:02:47.567 of conversation that women have with their girlfriends all the time. 0:02:47.727 --> 0:02:50.367 They say, when we're old, we should live together. Back 0:02:50.407 --> 0:02:53.407 to the sleepovers, back to the girl's trips. But how 0:02:53.487 --> 0:02:56.447 many of us might actually do it well with the 0:02:56.527 --> 0:02:59.607 right planning, As Eve and Heather are about to tell us, 0:03:00.127 --> 0:03:02.927 it's possible. So how the hell did they do it 0:03:03.207 --> 0:03:05.807 living in a purpose built house and a beautiful part 0:03:05.807 --> 0:03:08.727 of Australia. Well, they're going to tell us, and they're 0:03:08.767 --> 0:03:11.247 going to give us advice about how we could too. 0:03:12.447 --> 0:03:17.327 Heather and Eve, thank you so much for joining me today. Now, 0:03:17.607 --> 0:03:20.927 lots of people say that they would like to live 0:03:20.967 --> 0:03:24.767 with their friends when they get older. What took the 0:03:24.887 --> 0:03:30.167 idea that you guys have from an idea to a reality? 0:03:30.607 --> 0:03:31.287 Good question. 0:03:32.407 --> 0:03:37.127 We started as friends and we would get together. In particular, 0:03:37.207 --> 0:03:39.527 we got together around Christmas joenerally for a week or 0:03:39.567 --> 0:03:42.207 two and they were really sublime times. 0:03:42.687 --> 0:03:44.647 How long has it been that you guys have been 0:03:44.687 --> 0:03:45.887 hanging out together as a group. 0:03:46.287 --> 0:03:49.007 That was early in the century, so maybe two thousand 0:03:49.007 --> 0:03:51.567 and one, two thousand and two, two thousand and three 0:03:51.767 --> 0:03:54.527 like that. So that was the idea part of it, 0:03:54.807 --> 0:03:58.047 and then what took it to reality was, well, you know, 0:03:58.127 --> 0:04:02.167 one hundred meetings for one thing. We left our we 0:04:02.247 --> 0:04:05.727 left our last holiday having kind of generated the idea 0:04:06.247 --> 0:04:11.087 and talked it through a lot, and then we thought, well, 0:04:11.127 --> 0:04:13.247 we'll sit on it for a few months and see 0:04:13.247 --> 0:04:17.687 if anything incubates in this. And then sure enough, a 0:04:17.687 --> 0:04:19.567 few months later we said, well, let's get together and 0:04:19.607 --> 0:04:22.127 talk about it again. So that was kind of meeting 0:04:22.207 --> 0:04:22.687 number one. 0:04:23.607 --> 0:04:25.687 And this is the six of you, right, So tell 0:04:25.727 --> 0:04:28.927 me who's in the shatters? 0:04:29.407 --> 0:04:33.727 I have apart our husband and that's Daniel. So there's 0:04:33.767 --> 0:04:37.727 three couples that are the shutters. Probably at some point 0:04:37.767 --> 0:04:41.287 you need an explanation of what is a shudder? Yes, 0:04:42.167 --> 0:04:45.887 and then Heather and Rick a couple, and Michael and 0:04:45.967 --> 0:04:47.487 Judy are the third couple. 0:04:47.767 --> 0:04:50.487 And so the three couples would go on these holidays 0:04:50.487 --> 0:04:53.247 that you're talking about, and then one year you were like, 0:04:53.367 --> 0:04:57.167 you know what, maybe this would be it. Our six 0:04:57.247 --> 0:04:59.367 people is quite a lot of people to get to 0:04:59.447 --> 0:05:03.687 agree to see things the same way, to want to 0:05:03.727 --> 0:05:07.207 commit to have the same vision. Was it difficult for 0:05:07.247 --> 0:05:08.807 everybody to get on board or. 0:05:09.367 --> 0:05:13.367 We discovered that numerous times you've been looking through the keyhole. 0:05:15.487 --> 0:05:19.207 Well, yeah, yeah, there were, I mean everything, just you 0:05:19.287 --> 0:05:23.207 and your partner. It's difficult to come to agreement about things. 0:05:23.247 --> 0:05:26.607 So when we started looking for property, looking for a 0:05:26.607 --> 0:05:28.887 place we were going to live, it was, you know, 0:05:29.207 --> 0:05:31.367 where do we want to be in the country or 0:05:31.887 --> 0:05:33.527 in the city, and how far in the country, and 0:05:33.567 --> 0:05:35.207 do we want to go north or south? And do 0:05:35.247 --> 0:05:37.927 we want you know, a little a little spot in 0:05:38.007 --> 0:05:41.687 a small town or do we want a massive acreage? 0:05:41.767 --> 0:05:45.687 And we had to work through all those decisions. And 0:05:46.207 --> 0:05:50.647 so the process of finding a place took us about 0:05:50.647 --> 0:05:53.287 a year and a half, and we looked at everything 0:05:53.327 --> 0:05:58.207 from little city lots to two hundred acre two hundred 0:05:58.207 --> 0:06:02.607 acre properties and we started to get an idea of 0:06:02.647 --> 0:06:06.167 what we didn't want and what we liked. 0:06:06.647 --> 0:06:10.007 And am I right in thinking that one she decided 0:06:10.047 --> 0:06:14.087 you guys were gonna live communally, I suppose is that 0:06:14.127 --> 0:06:16.247 you rented a place together to try it out in 0:06:16.287 --> 0:06:17.207 the city first. 0:06:17.847 --> 0:06:23.127 Yes, and one of us, Judy, remarkably found this place 0:06:23.287 --> 0:06:26.327 and it had three levels to it. It was a 0:06:26.367 --> 0:06:31.087 waterfront property in Sydney, and it meant that each couple 0:06:31.167 --> 0:06:34.047 could have a separate space like that, which is what 0:06:34.127 --> 0:06:37.607 we have now that we've purpose built the house. 0:06:38.007 --> 0:06:40.567 Obviously it went all right because you made the move, 0:06:40.967 --> 0:06:43.527 But how did you decide to and how did you 0:06:43.647 --> 0:06:44.967 choose where to go after that? 0:06:46.127 --> 0:06:49.927 Well, we'd been looking a number of places. We'd looked 0:06:49.927 --> 0:06:52.207 at a lot of places. Every week we would go 0:06:52.407 --> 0:06:56.167 out somewhere, we'd find something and research it. This area 0:06:56.247 --> 0:07:00.087 we liked. We we'ld gradually gravitating here, and we had 0:07:00.087 --> 0:07:03.487 a friend who lived on the island and she invited 0:07:03.567 --> 0:07:05.407 us to stay at her house, and we thought, well, 0:07:05.447 --> 0:07:08.647 this is all right. It was a beautiful place. And 0:07:08.687 --> 0:07:12.167 then something came out for sale here and we thought, well, 0:07:12.167 --> 0:07:14.527 we'll have a look at it. You tell the story 0:07:14.527 --> 0:07:15.887 from there, Eve, Oh. 0:07:15.967 --> 0:07:20.247 Yes. And the property that we got to look at 0:07:20.287 --> 0:07:24.127 with the real estate agent was four acres three and 0:07:24.127 --> 0:07:27.207 a half acres. It was very beautiful and it had 0:07:27.247 --> 0:07:31.047 a big green shed on it, and we thought that 0:07:31.367 --> 0:07:36.207 even if we didn't decide on a permanent move here, 0:07:36.607 --> 0:07:38.527 that it was a good investment. We got it for 0:07:38.567 --> 0:07:41.847 a good price, and that that shed could be the 0:07:41.927 --> 0:07:46.167 place where we got to come and have our Christmas holidays, 0:07:46.207 --> 0:07:50.607 Easter holidays. We called it the tow in the water, right, 0:07:51.247 --> 0:07:54.687 and every step that we took on this journey, even 0:07:54.727 --> 0:07:58.527 though it seems like a really radical thing for you know, 0:07:58.647 --> 0:08:04.207 retirees to do move in together, was very well prepared for. 0:08:05.127 --> 0:08:08.087 So it never felt like we were at a huge 0:08:08.247 --> 0:08:11.487 risk that we could always recover if, you know, like 0:08:11.567 --> 0:08:12.407 it didn't work out. 0:08:13.247 --> 0:08:15.367 It sounds like exactly the right way to do it, 0:08:15.367 --> 0:08:18.447 because this is a big commitment. Once you've decided that 0:08:18.727 --> 0:08:21.567 you're going to build a house on this beautiful spot, 0:08:22.047 --> 0:08:25.847 that's a massive financial commitment, a lot of logistics involved, 0:08:26.607 --> 0:08:28.807 So it's obviously sensible to do it in a step 0:08:28.847 --> 0:08:31.607 through way. But did you all fall in love with 0:08:31.647 --> 0:08:34.647 the place and was it an easy ish decision to 0:08:34.767 --> 0:08:36.127 build the house there? 0:08:36.767 --> 0:08:40.647 I would say so, yeah, Yeah, it was not without 0:08:40.887 --> 0:08:44.367 its challenges. You know, I think we all got cold 0:08:44.407 --> 0:08:48.367 feet about it at some point and it needed to 0:08:48.407 --> 0:08:51.807 push ourselves or push each other back into the a 0:08:51.847 --> 0:08:56.367 relook at what we were doing. Because that was the 0:08:56.367 --> 0:08:59.007 big step. We know it was going to be a 0:08:59.087 --> 0:09:04.007 sizeable house and a sizable investment and a direction for 0:09:04.087 --> 0:09:07.607 a whole the rest of our lives. So that was huge. 0:09:07.927 --> 0:09:13.607 And then once that DECEI was made and thoroughly made. 0:09:14.007 --> 0:09:16.807 Then then we just we just got into it. We 0:09:16.887 --> 0:09:19.607 just slid into it. We got the we found that 0:09:19.727 --> 0:09:23.087 just exactly the right designer and exactly the rate builder. 0:09:23.167 --> 0:09:27.927 And Rick and I retired the earliest of the lot 0:09:27.967 --> 0:09:30.007 of us. And so we were up staying in the 0:09:30.047 --> 0:09:32.687 green Shed, which was nice, nicely furnished little you know, 0:09:32.687 --> 0:09:35.607 it was almost a cottage, and we stayed there while 0:09:35.687 --> 0:09:39.927 the house was being built, and then as soon as 0:09:39.927 --> 0:09:42.647 it was done then I shall on the day that 0:09:42.687 --> 0:09:45.767 it was done, even Daniel moved up. And then a 0:09:45.847 --> 0:09:47.847 year or two after that, Michael and Judy moved out. 0:09:47.887 --> 0:09:52.487 Fully I'll be back with Eve and Heather in a 0:09:52.567 --> 0:09:59.087 moment right after this break. When I have this fantasy 0:09:59.127 --> 0:10:00.887 with my friends, and I know, as I say that, 0:10:00.927 --> 0:10:03.367 a lot of people do we go, Oh, maybe we'll 0:10:03.367 --> 0:10:05.167 live on a compound, you know what I mean, maybe 0:10:05.207 --> 0:10:08.487 we'll have like little homes close together. How did you 0:10:08.607 --> 0:10:10.327 make that decision? Was it because of the way that 0:10:10.367 --> 0:10:12.047 you'd lived when you were in Sydney that you would 0:10:12.087 --> 0:10:14.287 live in one big house together? And what does a 0:10:14.407 --> 0:10:19.367 house that is going to be three different couples home 0:10:19.927 --> 0:10:22.007 need to have to make that work. 0:10:22.647 --> 0:10:26.727 Obviously, it's probably different for each group that would decide 0:10:26.767 --> 0:10:32.287 to do this crazy thing, but in our case, we 0:10:32.367 --> 0:10:36.687 have the most. Sometimes people call this an intentional community, 0:10:37.527 --> 0:10:40.447 I think is too formal a name for what we 0:10:40.567 --> 0:10:42.007 do and how we are. 0:10:42.607 --> 0:10:45.247 Is that it's an intentional community kind of like a commune. 0:10:45.367 --> 0:10:46.367 Is that a similar thing? 0:10:47.327 --> 0:10:53.807 Yeah, but we definitely we have lots of differences. 0:10:52.047 --> 0:10:53.327 An intentional community. 0:10:53.367 --> 0:10:56.407 The intentional would refers to kind of a purpose like 0:10:56.847 --> 0:10:59.727 you know, growing growing organic gardens. 0:11:00.927 --> 0:11:03.527 But we just wanted to hang out together. 0:11:03.567 --> 0:11:06.967 Really, so you knew you would all need your own 0:11:07.047 --> 0:11:10.607 spaces as such, and so that you would all be 0:11:10.727 --> 0:11:13.007 comfortable in your own spaces, and so you built this 0:11:13.047 --> 0:11:15.087 house that Do you all have a level each? Is 0:11:15.127 --> 0:11:16.167 that how it works? 0:11:16.607 --> 0:11:19.047 No, we have a suite of rooms. 0:11:19.167 --> 0:11:22.647 We have a bedroom, an office, an en suite, bathroom, 0:11:22.767 --> 0:11:27.367 and a deck, and each of those suites our designer 0:11:27.807 --> 0:11:32.447 faced them in different directions. So it's really a very 0:11:32.487 --> 0:11:33.767 clever design. 0:11:33.487 --> 0:11:35.527 So that you have privacy, Like you can sit out 0:11:35.527 --> 0:11:39.247 on your deck and it's not like you're sitting underneath heather. 0:11:39.487 --> 0:11:41.727 You can bet you're like, hey, that's so clever. 0:11:42.287 --> 0:11:45.767 Yeah, it really is one one floor, except that right 0:11:45.807 --> 0:11:48.007 now we're down in the basement. 0:11:48.287 --> 0:11:50.567 We relegated the TV to the basement. 0:11:52.247 --> 0:11:55.567 Yeah, that's it was really an important question for us, 0:11:55.607 --> 0:11:57.487 the one the one that you just ask, like, how 0:11:57.527 --> 0:12:00.487 do you organize to give to live together? We share 0:12:00.527 --> 0:12:04.367 the kitchen and a large comfortable lounge room and living area. 0:12:05.047 --> 0:12:08.087 So and that's that's a significant thing to share. Really 0:12:08.407 --> 0:12:12.207 it is to three households with kitchens, but then we've 0:12:12.247 --> 0:12:15.927 got our own space. I personally thought at first, I 0:12:16.167 --> 0:12:18.367 sort of taking it for granted we have little cabins 0:12:18.367 --> 0:12:20.807 and then we'd have a central area that we might 0:12:20.847 --> 0:12:26.607 come to and share. But I softened to the idea 0:12:26.167 --> 0:12:30.767 of sharing in the more comprehensive way. 0:12:31.087 --> 0:12:33.847 It meant that the council was more friendly with that 0:12:33.967 --> 0:12:38.927 kind of construction. And also if something happened, as you 0:12:38.967 --> 0:12:43.407 know it does, that it had better resale value instead 0:12:43.447 --> 0:12:45.767 of having those separate accommodations. 0:12:46.007 --> 0:12:46.207 Yeah. 0:12:46.247 --> 0:12:48.567 I was just thinking that because it works for different 0:12:48.647 --> 0:12:51.607 kind of configurations of family groups, really doesn't it's that 0:12:51.807 --> 0:12:55.167 a way. So how together do you live? Do you 0:12:55.287 --> 0:12:59.487 eat your meals together? Do you pull everything? Like how 0:12:59.767 --> 0:13:01.247 what's together and what's separate? 0:13:01.527 --> 0:13:04.727 That's probably the most common question that we did ask. 0:13:05.047 --> 0:13:06.327 Everybody's like, who's cooking? 0:13:06.567 --> 0:13:10.127 It's fun, isn't it? To getting a lot? It is 0:13:10.687 --> 0:13:11.807 food and shopping. 0:13:13.127 --> 0:13:15.527 I think we just worked out some of these things 0:13:15.567 --> 0:13:21.967 as we went along, and people sometimes buy cooperatively, you know, 0:13:22.047 --> 0:13:27.167 for various reasons. Well, we had established habits as being older. 0:13:27.407 --> 0:13:31.327 You know, we were sixty and then seventy years old together, 0:13:31.807 --> 0:13:36.047 and we already had our preferences in food. So when 0:13:36.087 --> 0:13:40.087 the pantry was designed, it has three separate areas for 0:13:40.287 --> 0:13:44.287 the kind of foods we like, but they're pretty common 0:13:44.527 --> 0:13:48.807 because we're all interested in good health and longevity. So 0:13:49.367 --> 0:13:53.967 we have a roster that goes up on a fortnightly basis, 0:13:54.607 --> 0:13:58.567 and on it it has everybody's name and a space 0:13:58.727 --> 0:14:03.007 for them volunteering whether they want to cook a meal 0:14:03.567 --> 0:14:06.007 or even whether they're going to be there for the meal. 0:14:06.727 --> 0:14:09.207 So we've done that and it's worked ever since we 0:14:09.447 --> 0:14:11.047 lived in the rental property. 0:14:11.567 --> 0:14:13.207 I think it's worked really well. 0:14:13.487 --> 0:14:18.047 It works just brilliantly. So the only meal that we 0:14:18.127 --> 0:14:21.807 have together is dinner. But if we're all here, and 0:14:22.007 --> 0:14:25.487 you know now that we're all living here and retired, 0:14:25.847 --> 0:14:28.447 most of the time. Most often we would be here 0:14:29.087 --> 0:14:33.367 and so one couple will will be responsible for a 0:14:33.407 --> 0:14:35.007 meal and generally we just roster it. 0:14:35.007 --> 0:14:35.967 It's just one two. 0:14:35.767 --> 0:14:38.847 Three, one two three, and so you only have to 0:14:38.887 --> 0:14:40.287 cook once or twice a week. 0:14:40.567 --> 0:14:41.367 And how good is that? 0:14:42.087 --> 0:14:44.407 And then you get to you know, you get to 0:14:45.407 --> 0:14:49.207 schmick it up a bit because it's fun to actually 0:14:49.327 --> 0:14:52.487 fun to design a meal and have four other people 0:14:52.567 --> 0:14:55.367 enjoying it. So that really works. 0:14:55.887 --> 0:14:58.847 So there isn't one person who is like the boss, 0:14:59.127 --> 0:15:01.727 who is the one who does the rosters that chases 0:15:01.767 --> 0:15:04.927 people up, that says, Daniel, you said you're gonna tidy this, 0:15:05.087 --> 0:15:05.727 you have a tiler. 0:15:06.447 --> 0:15:07.767 It doesn't work that way, you know. 0:15:07.967 --> 0:15:10.607 It doesn't work. That don't work very well that way. 0:15:11.767 --> 0:15:16.407 We try every now and then, but it doesn't work 0:15:16.447 --> 0:15:16.807 that way. 0:15:16.967 --> 0:15:21.927 We fall into responsibilities and accountabilities of course, so my 0:15:22.047 --> 0:15:26.687 husband Rick does the mowing every week, and Daniel does 0:15:26.727 --> 0:15:30.927 the whipper snipping, and even I look after the gardens 0:15:30.967 --> 0:15:33.287 and like that. So we have our accountabilities. 0:15:33.327 --> 0:15:36.087 But Blody your strengths as well, I assume, Yeah. 0:15:35.927 --> 0:15:37.287 That's right, and interests. 0:15:37.447 --> 0:15:39.967 You know, we're doing things that we love to do. 0:15:40.567 --> 0:15:44.607 Yeah, what did your friends and family say about the 0:15:45.447 --> 0:15:48.567 choice for this community living. I think I read that 0:15:49.287 --> 0:15:54.207 somebody's adult child asked if you were swingers. Now, now 0:15:54.247 --> 0:15:56.087 that's none of my business whether you swingers or not, 0:15:56.207 --> 0:15:59.247 But have people been quite shocked about it? Do you 0:15:59.287 --> 0:16:01.927 think it's still something that people are a bit surprised about. 0:16:02.847 --> 0:16:07.047 I think people either love the idea, like you've spoken 0:16:07.127 --> 0:16:11.527 about it that way, it's great, or they're completely turned off. 0:16:11.687 --> 0:16:14.687 They would never even entertain the idea of living with 0:16:14.767 --> 0:16:18.167 other people. You know, they might be a couple, and 0:16:18.207 --> 0:16:20.887 then they wouldn't want to live with other couples. 0:16:21.447 --> 0:16:24.567 I can remember one of the women in Eve's women's 0:16:24.567 --> 0:16:27.647 group saying, I could throw up at the idea of 0:16:27.727 --> 0:16:28.167 doing this. 0:16:30.887 --> 0:16:36.087 Okay, strong Felix, So what you what would you say? 0:16:36.367 --> 0:16:39.367 I think I've read that you say in communication? Obviously, 0:16:39.407 --> 0:16:42.487 because for all shared living situations, no matter what, even 0:16:42.487 --> 0:16:44.687 when it's just you and a partner, and certainly and 0:16:44.807 --> 0:16:47.567 children and whatever, what would you say is the key? 0:16:48.167 --> 0:16:54.167 It must also be that you fundamentally have shared values 0:16:54.287 --> 0:16:56.847 or shared you know, have a shared sensibility. I think 0:16:56.887 --> 0:16:58.927 I seen that you were all you know, you came 0:16:58.967 --> 0:17:02.887 together because you were all interested in searching, exploring yoga. 0:17:03.087 --> 0:17:06.167 As you say health longevity, do you think that that's key? 0:17:06.207 --> 0:17:09.927 You've got to have shared value systems. What else do 0:17:09.967 --> 0:17:12.447 you need for this kind of harmonious living to work? 0:17:14.047 --> 0:17:14.287 Well? 0:17:14.527 --> 0:17:18.727 I think communication is really the main thing, and I 0:17:19.087 --> 0:17:21.607 don't know that we're especially great at it, but we certainly, 0:17:21.887 --> 0:17:25.967 we certainly understand that without it, without saying what you 0:17:26.047 --> 0:17:28.127 need to say and hearing what you need to hear, 0:17:28.727 --> 0:17:32.487 it's not going to work. So that commitment to communication 0:17:32.687 --> 0:17:38.087 is a really key thing. And also respect, just a 0:17:38.127 --> 0:17:41.247 commitment to respect for each other. What else would you 0:17:41.287 --> 0:17:41.727 say you. 0:17:42.407 --> 0:17:44.407 I think there's an expression, and I'll probably do a 0:17:44.407 --> 0:17:47.367 lot of damage to it, but it's like all ruugh 0:17:47.567 --> 0:17:52.207 stones get polished by rubbing against each other. And so 0:17:52.487 --> 0:17:55.647 I would say that from where we started, that we're 0:17:55.687 --> 0:17:59.407 better at communicating than we were in the early stages. 0:18:00.127 --> 0:18:02.167 And part of it, I don't know whether it's just 0:18:02.247 --> 0:18:07.047 about getting older and maybe wiser, that you don't want 0:18:07.087 --> 0:18:14.047 to carry things that are uncommunicated because it we'll interfere 0:18:14.047 --> 0:18:17.927 with your relationship with people that you know, we basically 0:18:17.967 --> 0:18:18.607 love each other. 0:18:19.727 --> 0:18:22.727 Of course, I wonder I don't want to project, but 0:18:23.687 --> 0:18:26.847 I know that for a lot of people, their later 0:18:26.927 --> 0:18:29.687 years can get lonely and isolating, right, I mean I 0:18:29.727 --> 0:18:33.847 often hear people talk about their lives getting smaller. Was 0:18:33.967 --> 0:18:36.767 part of the impetus for this idea of the communal 0:18:36.807 --> 0:18:41.527 living to sort of battle that possible loneliness. And has 0:18:41.567 --> 0:18:42.367 it worked that way? 0:18:43.527 --> 0:18:46.607 I would say that was ninety percent of where we 0:18:46.647 --> 0:18:50.487 started with it. It began well had we all had 0:18:50.767 --> 0:18:53.927 parents who were aging at that point and you know, 0:18:54.047 --> 0:18:56.167 looking at them and thinking about what worked and didn't 0:18:56.207 --> 0:18:59.447 work in their lives, and so we were very we 0:18:59.447 --> 0:19:03.247 were very attuned to, you know, for at least the 0:19:04.047 --> 0:19:07.087 active part of our lives, to be able to have 0:19:07.567 --> 0:19:11.567 people around to be stimulating our in that fashion. And yeah, 0:19:11.727 --> 0:19:14.287 I think it's worked out of site. It's been very 0:19:15.047 --> 0:19:18.327 very good for us to It's been very good for 0:19:18.447 --> 0:19:23.727 me to have to deal with things and now when 0:19:23.767 --> 0:19:26.927 I'm not feeling like catching up with anyone, to just 0:19:27.087 --> 0:19:29.127 be there, you know, and there's someone in the kitchen 0:19:29.167 --> 0:19:32.287 making coffee in the morning, and you know, you say hi, 0:19:32.327 --> 0:19:33.887 and that's gets today going. 0:19:34.767 --> 0:19:37.967 Absolutely in the beginning, I guess what we're talking about 0:19:38.007 --> 0:19:41.287 is something more aspirational. You know, we saw that that 0:19:41.407 --> 0:19:44.647 was a good idea, but then in the way that 0:19:44.687 --> 0:19:50.127 it developed, it meant that we have activities that we've 0:19:50.207 --> 0:19:53.247 been able to share with other people. Like we all 0:19:53.327 --> 0:19:57.007 of us belong in a community choir, and it doesn't 0:19:57.007 --> 0:19:59.407 mean that we go around doing the same things. It 0:19:59.527 --> 0:20:03.607 means that we share the stories and the inspiration that 0:20:03.687 --> 0:20:06.487 we get from our various activities with each other. 0:20:07.287 --> 0:20:08.767 It enriches our lives. 0:20:10.887 --> 0:20:13.607 I'll be back with Eve and Heather in a moment 0:20:14.607 --> 0:20:20.807 right after this break. I'd like to ask you your 0:20:20.847 --> 0:20:23.767 advice for anyone who's listening to this and who like me, 0:20:23.967 --> 0:20:26.407 might have had those conversations with their friends who go 0:20:27.447 --> 0:20:31.167 one day, you know, that's what we should do. What's 0:20:31.207 --> 0:20:34.327 your best advice? And on a very practical level too, 0:20:35.487 --> 0:20:37.767 And I don't want to pry into your arrangements, but 0:20:38.087 --> 0:20:41.127 is it like you all have to sort of be 0:20:41.247 --> 0:20:44.167 on an equal financial commitment. Is there a way that 0:20:44.207 --> 0:20:46.007 you know those kind of things like what would you 0:20:46.007 --> 0:20:49.487 say is the best advice to avoid conflict in this situation? 0:20:49.847 --> 0:20:50.047 Wow? 0:20:50.247 --> 0:20:55.087 No, you said some wise things there. Well, we usually 0:20:55.087 --> 0:20:56.367 what we say is start early. 0:20:57.247 --> 0:21:00.687 Yeah, you started planning quite early, didn't you, Like in 0:21:00.767 --> 0:21:03.247 terms of that you move, as you said earlier, Eve, 0:21:03.367 --> 0:21:08.167 moving from conversations on holiday to meetings about it to 0:21:08.807 --> 0:21:12.327 testing the water to the toe in the water, like, yeah. 0:21:12.567 --> 0:21:14.807 It took us a long time. We took many years. 0:21:14.847 --> 0:21:19.647 So patience is certainly is certainly a key ingredient, a 0:21:19.727 --> 0:21:23.487 key personal ingredient. You talked about finances. 0:21:23.927 --> 0:21:25.327 We early on. 0:21:26.967 --> 0:21:31.647 Decided we needed to have a conversation about our finances, 0:21:31.767 --> 0:21:34.767 a public conversation with each with each other about that. 0:21:34.967 --> 0:21:36.567 Which is not a normal thing to do. 0:21:36.647 --> 0:21:38.687 You don't tell people you know how much you have 0:21:38.727 --> 0:21:40.727 in your bank accounts and what our sets you've got. 0:21:41.047 --> 0:21:43.047 But we decided we needed to do that so we 0:21:43.087 --> 0:21:48.847 could understand where we were, where everyone was, and so 0:21:49.007 --> 0:21:51.847 it was helpful in that meeting to discover that we 0:21:51.887 --> 0:21:56.247 were in similar in similar positions. So there were no 0:21:56.367 --> 0:22:00.807 sugar daddies among us or vagrants or like. 0:22:00.807 --> 0:22:04.007 That, because those are the kind of things that can 0:22:04.047 --> 0:22:06.767 easily build resentment on there. If you'd need something doing 0:22:06.887 --> 0:22:09.407 to the house or even at the building stage, if 0:22:09.447 --> 0:22:11.847 you'd have wanted somebody wants this and somebody wants that, 0:22:12.367 --> 0:22:14.967 likely so you do have you had to be very 0:22:15.047 --> 0:22:18.407 honest I assume about laying out what everybody's expectations were. 0:22:18.567 --> 0:22:19.207 Yeah. 0:22:19.367 --> 0:22:21.607 Do you think that one of the advantages to this 0:22:21.727 --> 0:22:24.927 for people is that by pulling resources like this, you've 0:22:24.967 --> 0:22:28.087 actually been able to have a better kind of lifestyle 0:22:28.327 --> 0:22:30.287 at this stage of your life than you may have 0:22:30.367 --> 0:22:31.847 been able to do by yourselves. 0:22:32.407 --> 0:22:32.967 Completely. 0:22:33.127 --> 0:22:35.847