WEBVTT - A Fight About Who’s Allowed To Have A Crush 0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:03.400 Hello, and welcome to Mom and Mia out loud. It's 0:00:03.440 --> 0:00:06.400 what women are actually talking about on Friday, the seventeenth 0:00:06.440 --> 0:00:07.000 of April. 0:00:07.320 --> 0:00:09.760 I'm hollywayn Wright, I'm Clear Stevens. 0:00:09.440 --> 0:00:13.000 And I'm m Burnham. And here's what's on our Friday agenda. 0:00:13.960 --> 0:00:18.640 Do you need a hobby? Yes? Probably, Yes, you've got some. 0:00:18.840 --> 0:00:22.240 I think we'll get to we'll get to it. Welcome 0:00:22.280 --> 0:00:26.520 to the intense hobby era and why they can sometimes 0:00:26.560 --> 0:00:28.200 feel really hard to get. 0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:31.760 Plus an unofficial list of the things women do to 0:00:31.920 --> 0:00:32.800 make it look like. 0:00:32.720 --> 0:00:34.280 They have their shit together. 0:00:34.600 --> 0:00:38.760 We discuss yes and not one, but three TV shows 0:00:38.760 --> 0:00:42.680 to watch this weekend or over the long weekend next 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:43.760 weekend if you get. 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:46.040 It and not everybody's getting it because and that day 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:50.160 is a Saturday. This year, some states capitulated to giving 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:54.480 everybody the Monday off and some states kept it pure. Absolutely, 0:00:54.520 --> 0:00:56.360 the Victoria keep it pure because they get way too 0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:58.400 many holidays. I'm just going to say right. 0:00:58.240 --> 0:00:59.960 Now they can sacrifice. 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.040 Sorry to all the Victorians listening, take it up with 0:01:03.080 --> 0:01:06.280 Emily Vernon. Sorry, but first, Claire Stevens. 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.200 This week we all came across a piece on the 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:12.760 cart called the Secret to a great. 0:01:12.520 --> 0:01:18.600 Marriage Crushes on other People by E. J. Dixon and I. 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:20.759 In hindsight, we were. 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:23.480 All a little bit too enthusiastic about this headline. 0:01:23.840 --> 0:01:27.399 We were all praise emojis and like, yes, I love this. 0:01:27.440 --> 0:01:30.120 Love this, and I think that's something for usman terrogaate 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:34.160 quietly when we're on our about it later, why did 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:39.600 we love this so much? But the article was I 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:43.240 thought very interesting. And there's been a whole lot happening 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:48.080 in the zeitgeist that I think echoes what this article 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:51.760 was saying. So Dixon writes, I think my husband is 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:54.280 bar Nunn, the sexiest person on the planet. 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:56.559 She like has to say that in the story because 0:01:56.600 --> 0:01:59.400 the story is about like having crushes on other people, 0:01:59.640 --> 0:02:01.720 So you have to. It's like when you're about to 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:04.680 bitch about parenthood, but you have to say, first, I 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:06.559 love my children so much. 0:02:06.760 --> 0:02:08.639 You've got to be in a defensive crouch, being like, 0:02:08.680 --> 0:02:11.560 I do love me, my promise. But we also regularly 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.680 talk about people outside our marriage who we find attractive, 0:02:15.200 --> 0:02:18.520 not in any lascivious way, but casually, as if we 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:21.560 were discussing weekend plans or what to have for dinner. 0:02:21.960 --> 0:02:24.320 Some friends I've told about this. Can't believe we talk 0:02:24.440 --> 0:02:27.000 so openly about this kind of thing. But I really 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.120 can't imagine why anyone would opt for the alternative. If 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.520 your partner has a face with eyes and ears and 0:02:32.600 --> 0:02:35.480 has not been chemically castrated, of course they're going to 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:39.080 find other people attractive. Hy be dishonest about it fair 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:45.560 enough and disagree. EJ's friend Kara, who's thirty five, said 0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:48.160 a crush while you're married is like a little sweet 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.880 snack that gets you through the four PM slump, And 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.560 her friend Jill, who's thirty two, when as far as 0:02:53.600 --> 0:02:56.400 to say, is it can that it can rejuvenate your 0:02:56.440 --> 0:02:58.760 sex life, and she said it can be fun to 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.680 fantasize about having a tryst with someone else, but at 0:03:01.680 --> 0:03:04.400 the end of the day, that fantasy can ultimately make 0:03:04.480 --> 0:03:07.320 you more grateful for the partnership you're in. 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:10.920 So my question is do we agree? 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:15.440 And then I want to I want some transparency around 0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:19.399 who our crushes are. And your facial expression is saying When. 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:22.200 I first read this, I thought it was actual satire. 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:24.480 You were like, is it April? The first I was like, 0:03:24.680 --> 0:03:28.320 are people in relationships? Okay? Are you guys doing all right. 0:03:28.919 --> 0:03:33.160 I feel like, if you're searching for a crush to 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:38.839 make your relationship better, just be single. It's fine. It's 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.480 fine to be single, Like it actually is. Like, it's 0:03:41.560 --> 0:03:44.120 crusually fine. And you know what's really fun when you're 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:45.560 single having crushes? 0:03:45.800 --> 0:03:47.000 Yeah, No, crushes are. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:50.240 I would argue though, that crushes are always fun because 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.280 when you've been in relationships, when you've kind of been 0:03:53.320 --> 0:03:56.680 seeing someone and you're into that person, do you think 0:03:56.720 --> 0:03:59.120 that all your desire for other people goes out the window. 0:03:59.440 --> 0:04:00.000 I don't think it. 0:04:00.000 --> 0:04:01.840 Goes out the window, but I think there's a limit. 0:04:01.880 --> 0:04:06.000 I feel like certain crushes are okay. Celebrity crushes yep, fine. 0:04:06.400 --> 0:04:09.040 Crush like the whole past idea is fine as long 0:04:09.040 --> 0:04:10.760 as they're not real people passed. 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.119 Because then what if it happens, like we all work 0:04:13.120 --> 0:04:15.760 in the entertainment, what do we meet celebrities? 0:04:16.000 --> 0:04:18.960 Yeah, no, I meet your whole past. Me like, I'm 0:04:19.000 --> 0:04:20.960 so sorry, now I have to have sex with you my. 0:04:20.960 --> 0:04:23.159 Whole past, and your partner's like I get it, I 0:04:23.160 --> 0:04:23.560 get it. 0:04:23.640 --> 0:04:26.600 We made an agreement. No, I think celebrity crushes are okay. 0:04:26.720 --> 0:04:31.880 I think acknowledging that other people are very attractive is okay, like, 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.200 hey look at that guy. That guy is a really 0:04:34.200 --> 0:04:36.239 good looking guy, and your partner can be like agreed, 0:04:36.560 --> 0:04:39.200 and then we move on. But I think a crush 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:44.719 can lead into dangerous territory. And I know this because 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:48.359 when I was single in my twenties, I would have 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.400 these big, big crushes and they would lead. 0:04:51.200 --> 0:04:53.320 Into these areas where I would be like. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:57.279 Day dreaming about them and thinking about our life together, 0:04:57.400 --> 0:04:59.839 and it just keeps going and going and going. And 0:04:59.839 --> 0:05:01.480 the the reason it works so well is because you 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:04.320 don't actually know them as a person. And I'm like, 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:07.719 if that happened, if I was in a relationship, that 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:08.800 sounds like a bad time. 0:05:09.040 --> 0:05:11.800 I think it depends like every I will always say that, 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:14.560 I think that everybody's different in this regard, Like some 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:16.599 people just cannot handle the idea that their partner finds 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.359 other people attractive at all, and other people actually turned 0:05:19.400 --> 0:05:20.680 on by it. We're going to get to that in 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:22.960 a minute. And in between those two things, I think 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:25.760 there's a big spectrum. I think in this piece there 0:05:25.760 --> 0:05:28.520 are some examples of places where it's very safe. Right, 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:32.719 So there's an example for in here where it's says 0:05:32.760 --> 0:05:34.880 Sarah has been in a relationship for ten years, but 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.200 she currently has a crush on the hot barista at 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:40.400 her local coffee shop who knows her name and her order. 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:43.240 Her boyfriend knows about him, and was also aware of 0:05:43.240 --> 0:05:45.799 a previous crush on a waiter at a dina she frequented. 0:05:46.080 --> 0:05:48.120 I'd tell him I saw my other boyfriend today and 0:05:48.120 --> 0:05:51.080 he'd be like, happy for you. I think that is 0:05:51.120 --> 0:05:55.400 the perfect definition of a safe crush because unlikely to 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:58.520 eventuate in anything not socially connected to them, you know 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:00.279 what I mean, as they're not in your circle. Cool, 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.240 You're not like you're not ever going to see them 0:06:02.279 --> 0:06:05.880 in a different context, very specific context. Your partner knows 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:08.920 about it, and you joke about it together. Healthy, healthy, healthy. 0:06:08.720 --> 0:06:13.200 And you're aware that you're only finding them hot, attractive, charismatic, 0:06:13.240 --> 0:06:16.720 whatever in one really shallow circumstance and. 0:06:16.680 --> 0:06:18.599 It makes your day a bit better. That's that's the 0:06:18.640 --> 0:06:20.240 point that one of the people makes here about the 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.279 three pm snack. Is like getting her coffee and smiling 0:06:23.279 --> 0:06:25.520 at the guy and they have a bit of flirtatious banter. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:28.000 Is just like a nice little thing in her day, 0:06:28.040 --> 0:06:32.360 and it's not hurting anyone. The danger zones are workmate 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:35.440 who like you flirting at the photocopy of one minute. 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:37.520 I don't think we have first copies anymore. But you know, 0:06:37.920 --> 0:06:42.479 water cooler, whatever it is, we don't have those, the microwaves. 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:45.479 I see a lot of flirtation going on in our 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.680 office that I'm sure is platonic, but it's still. 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:53.760 There, right, blurty, flirty banter in the kitchen. 0:06:54.279 --> 0:06:58.080 Right, it's fine, Mum and me and stuff. 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:00.719 When you see Hollywood her notebook washing, you heat up 0:07:00.760 --> 0:07:02.159 your LuFe and just be aware. 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:05.239 I see a lot of it, flirty banter in the kitchen. 0:07:05.400 --> 0:07:09.080 And then if that escalates to like messaging. You're on 0:07:09.120 --> 0:07:11.920 the couch watching TV with your partner and your message 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.880 like that, then you've crossed a line. Yeah, so there's 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:17.120 like a whole lot of degrees here, which I think 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:19.480 would be very healthy. Okay, so do you not agree 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:20.520 with that? I don't agree. 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:24.560 Say this woman who has a crush on a barista 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:27.240 is there with her boyfriend and the barista goes, hey, 0:07:27.280 --> 0:07:29.440 I'm playing a gig later tonight. Do both of you 0:07:29.520 --> 0:07:32.760 want to come? And they're like, oh, yeah, that sounds fine, 0:07:32.840 --> 0:07:34.160 Like I know you have a crush on him, but 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.240 it's like a fun gig, let's both go, and they 0:07:36.280 --> 0:07:37.920 both go to the gig and. 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:43.800 Then the whole and then he paying the. 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.160 Guitar and like it's so hard he has to take 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.720 a shirt off and he's playing his guitar. And then 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:52.320 something just twinges in her brain and she's like, oh, 0:07:52.880 --> 0:07:54.960 I think this might be more than a little crush. 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:55.640 That's the thing. 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:58.280 I feel like it could start there with the barista, 0:07:58.480 --> 0:08:00.880 But the minute it moves a little in, you're going 0:08:00.960 --> 0:08:03.040 to keep moving and moving and moving. 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:06.640 But you can't, like hermatically seal your life so that 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:09.320 you never see another human who's attractive. That's fine, but 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:10.920 I can think you can find them attractive. 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:13.320 But I think when you start calling someone your crush, 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:15.400 it's more than just seeing them as attractive. 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:19.160 But I reckon there is such a profound difference between 0:08:19.280 --> 0:08:22.360 being like I've been with my partner for so long 0:08:22.360 --> 0:08:24.920 I can't remember, it's over half our lives, and it's 0:08:24.960 --> 0:08:27.960 like you've been with them for so long, you have 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:30.000 a child together, you've got commitments together, you're trying to 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:33.320 build a life together. Like there is it's it's so 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:38.720 beyond finding the BIA it is. It's a different, incuemparable 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:42.000 and I have it all the time, and I talk 0:08:42.040 --> 0:08:44.600 to friends about it and we will love often. It's 0:08:44.679 --> 0:08:48.280 like industry stuff where like I mean, I can say 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:51.079 this because everyone listening will agree everyone has a crush 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:52.040 on Trent Dolta. 0:08:51.840 --> 0:08:56.320 Oh except I have met him. We have met him, 0:08:56.679 --> 0:08:59.520 and he is lovely. But there's like an innocence to 0:09:00.000 --> 0:09:02.280 the idea of going like, he's amazing. 0:09:01.920 --> 0:09:04.440 Because it's like Trandhalton invited you to dinner, would you 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:04.920 go to dinner? 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:06.400 Oh yeah, but. 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:11.480 No, no, no, but not in a romantic way, not 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:12.800 in the romantically other. 0:09:12.679 --> 0:09:13.160 Thing as well? 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:16.120 Is that I I think it's also different when I'm like, 0:09:16.200 --> 0:09:19.840 I'm such a weird, awkward person that, like I the 0:09:19.920 --> 0:09:23.840 idea of ever acting on anything is frankly hilarious and 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:25.840 also not appealing. 0:09:26.000 --> 0:09:27.080 Like that's not the point. 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.640 The point isn't acting on it, because as soon as 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:31.960 you as you acted on it, you would see that 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:36.240 they're not. Everybody's flawed and your partner has strengths that 0:09:36.240 --> 0:09:38.560 that other person doesn't have. In all of that, but 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.240 I genuinely think that there is I think a red 0:09:41.280 --> 0:09:45.160 flag is somebody who kind of can't engage with the 0:09:45.200 --> 0:09:48.319 idea of finding anyone else attractive or charismatic. 0:09:48.520 --> 0:09:51.959 For example, on a brilliant cho cald Marriati at. 0:09:51.880 --> 0:09:54.839 First Site the other week there was a grass is 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:59.120 Greener challenge where they went out to lunch with the 0:09:59.120 --> 0:10:02.040 people that they would have been matched with, and there 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:04.160 are a couple of guys who left the table and 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:06.000 had to stand in the bathroom because they were like, 0:10:06.080 --> 0:10:08.400 this is ridiculous, and I'm like, the fact you can't 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:09.920 have a conversation I agreement. 0:10:10.160 --> 0:10:12.120 I think a much bigger red flag I agree with 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.840 Claire is if you said to your partner, like, don't 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:19.040 you find this like objectively gorgeous woman attractive and they go, no, darling, 0:10:19.080 --> 0:10:22.040 I will find you attracted. Sure, that is a much 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:25.000 bigger problem right there, because they're lying for a start. 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:27.360 So the idea of the honesty is fine, and I 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:30.240 just need to clarify for the absolute record that of 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.520 course I would go to dinner with Trent Dalton, but 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.720 for no, the man is married. I am very like, 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:37.719 if you are allowed. 0:10:37.240 --> 0:10:39.959 To like he has a beautiful it makes it it's okay, 0:10:40.000 --> 0:10:40.160 you know. 0:10:40.160 --> 0:10:41.600 What I mean? Like, I think we can't live in 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:45.480 those kind of Donald Trump, he's like those you know 0:10:45.520 --> 0:10:47.959 what's he called Mike Pence, the guy who used to 0:10:48.000 --> 0:10:50.440 be the Vice President of the States, and he would 0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:52.600 be I can never be alone in a room with 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.319 a woman professionally, which means that there can't be any 0:10:55.360 --> 0:10:58.000 senior women in my team. I would never be out 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.000 in a social setting with a woman, so I could 0:11:00.120 --> 0:11:02.640 meet somebody for a coffee and a professional like that, 0:11:02.760 --> 0:11:05.280 to me is much worse than people being able to 0:11:05.360 --> 0:11:08.320 just go yeah, like sometimes you're going to bump into 0:11:08.320 --> 0:11:10.160 a person in the world who you find attractive. 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:12.800 That's but do you not see the difference between finding 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.320 someone attractive and having a crush on them? 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.960 Because for me, they're two totally different things. 0:11:18.200 --> 0:11:21.600 And the gray area is everyone's definition on what acting 0:11:21.679 --> 0:11:24.600 on it means. And I feel like acting on someone 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:28.040 you find attractive is developing a crush for them and 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:30.520 then that being your person that you constantly have a 0:11:30.559 --> 0:11:31.000 crush on. 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:34.680 So we need to move to when it really when. 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:38.520 This can be a very bright line, right Obviously for 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:41.760 anyone who's got history of betrayal or their relationship or 0:11:41.840 --> 0:11:45.199 they did get cheated on, maybe more than once by 0:11:45.240 --> 0:11:48.199 someone who dismissed their fears around crushing. Obviously, it's a 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:50.920 big red flag, but some people actively like it, which 0:11:50.920 --> 0:11:54.240 brings us to Nicki Glazer. Right. So, Nicki Glazer is 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:57.120 the American comic who has hosted the Golden Globes twice. 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:58.880 She's going to do it again next year. She's having 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:01.040 a big moment and she's got a new stand up 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:03.800 special coming out, so she's doing the rounds of the 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:06.199 long form podcasts. I think this week she's been on 0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.480 Dak Shepherd. She's been on Call Her Daddy with Alex Cooper, 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:13.000 and she this is not the first time, but she 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:16.080 talks openly, and she has done for years now, about 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:19.560 the fact that she really really likes other women desiring 0:12:19.600 --> 0:12:22.400 her partner, and that for her it's a big turn 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:24.760 on and a kink, so much so that she wants 0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:28.960 to hear stories of those twists, and then she sometimes 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:30.640 wants him to go off and have them so that 0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:33.000 he can come back and tell us stuff. She says, 0:12:33.000 --> 0:12:36.280 it's called a hot husband fetish, and she openly says 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:36.920 she loves it. 0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:37.280 Right. 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:40.160 Here's what she said about that. 0:12:40.440 --> 0:12:43.000 In a relationship, I don't really care if my boyfriend 0:12:43.040 --> 0:12:45.640 were to hook up, Yeah, I we need to talk 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:47.280 about that, but that is not a two way street. 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.080 Like I'm not someone who likes to hook up when 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.120 I'm in a relationship, but I don't care if someone 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:54.600 else were to hold on. In fact, I kind of 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:55.040 like it. 0:12:55.120 --> 0:12:57.600 Do you think, though, that this is you being a 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:01.439 very very evolved, mature human being or does this fall 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:04.240 in the category of like kind of like dark comedian 0:13:04.280 --> 0:13:06.960 shit where you're like, and I want to be clear, 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:09.120 it is not pick me. You call this the hot 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.600 husband fetters, yeah, which is essentially when you want your 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.800 partner to have sexual experiences with other people outside of 0:13:13.800 --> 0:13:14.400 the relationship. 0:13:14.480 --> 0:13:14.959 Yeah, I don't know. 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.640 It would make me like horny to like think about 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:18.440 him doing that with other girls, And then I would 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:21.000 so I ask about all of his like girlfriends or 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.480 anyone he had hooked up with, like all the details 0:13:23.480 --> 0:13:24.960 about it, and I would really be like a for 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:26.800 play for me, Like I would get like revved up 0:13:26.800 --> 0:13:29.680 talking about it. Maybe it's my competitive nature. I'm like, 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:31.880 I want a guy who other girls want, Like I 0:13:32.240 --> 0:13:33.880 like something that is, like, you know, you want a 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:35.400 handbag that other girls are like, Oh my god, I'm 0:13:35.440 --> 0:13:36.880 dying to get that that's relatable. 0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.720 No one ever wants to believe that's true. Whenever she 0:13:39.800 --> 0:13:43.400 talks about this, you'll get a million comments from people saying, well, shit, 0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:45.200 she's just trying to be a cool girl. What a 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.280 load of nonsense? Or playing with fire sister, et cetera, 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.840 et cetera, et cetera. What do we think about that? 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:54.360 Because I think, in the context of the article and 0:13:54.400 --> 0:13:57.400 the idea of kind of an innocent crush, the thing 0:13:57.480 --> 0:14:01.400 that makes me feel safe about it and that gives 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:05.720 reassurance is that you're joking about it and this and 0:14:05.800 --> 0:14:06.679 it's transparent. 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.600 Secrets of the problem, yes, secrets of the problem. 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:14.640 And so when I think about Nicki Glazer, I'm like, okay, 0:14:14.760 --> 0:14:18.600 But she does say that the she's very clear about 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.560 what she would consider emotional cheating, and basically she's like, 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:24.680 if he was watching the wire with someone that would 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:26.000 I would be hot broken. 0:14:26.040 --> 0:14:29.240 I entirely agree with that. That's that definition of betrayal. 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:32.720 Watching the wire, playing word or she says, sending memes 0:14:33.320 --> 0:14:35.960 is a much bigger betrayal in her mind than them 0:14:36.040 --> 0:14:39.120 having sex with somebody else wants off with protection. 0:14:39.760 --> 0:14:42.560 And it does I do find it interesting when it 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.960 goes one way, when it's when it's the idea of 0:14:46.040 --> 0:14:49.400 him being comfortable her being comfortable with him going off 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:53.600 and having other sexual encounters. And she says that she 0:14:53.720 --> 0:14:57.200 doesn't want that at all. Maybe true, but it's. 0:14:57.200 --> 0:14:59.840 That's the one way monogamy that the Maniscare people talk 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:01.480 a lot in the Louis Tharu document. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:03.760 Be very happy that a woman saying that she loves 0:15:03.880 --> 0:15:05.640 they would love it. And how do you feel about 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:09.160 one way monogamy? 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:11.320 I'm sure you love it just what you said. 0:15:13.400 --> 0:15:18.720 My experience, though I don't believe in the hot husband 0:15:18.920 --> 0:15:23.120 fetish I think, and I don't know anything about Nikki Glaser, 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:27.400 but from that definition, I think it's someone who doesn't 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:30.720 find their partner physically attractive and they're looking for proof 0:15:30.800 --> 0:15:31.320 that he is. 0:15:31.880 --> 0:15:35.080 Wow. Well, actually, it's interesting you say that because one 0:15:35.120 --> 0:15:37.680 of her quotes is and I think this shows enormous 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:40.880 self awareness. She says, I like my boyfriend to at 0:15:40.920 --> 0:15:42.280 least entertaining that I do have been with the people 0:15:42.320 --> 0:15:46.200 blah blah. I want things that other people want. So 0:15:46.320 --> 0:15:51.200 she freely admits that she likes, she covets things that 0:15:51.280 --> 0:15:53.680 other people covet and I think a lot of people 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:56.160 feel that way, but they don't say it out loud. 0:15:56.880 --> 0:16:01.040 To my point, it's fine to be single, just do it. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.080 It's fine the opposite if I mean, it's a little 0:16:04.080 --> 0:16:06.320 bit funny. I guess if you go out and somebody 0:16:06.480 --> 0:16:10.960 tries to hit on your partner and you're like, but 0:16:10.960 --> 0:16:14.880 but I would be so happy with being the only 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:16.840 person in the world who find him attractive, do you 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:17.320 know what I mean? 0:16:17.760 --> 0:16:19.240 I find something romantic about that. 0:16:19.280 --> 0:16:25.440 But Nicki Glazer says that she's really competitive and that 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:28.680 she wants to win, and it's like, he's not gonna 0:16:28.760 --> 0:16:30.040 leave me for you. 0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:33.360 So but I yeah, I also don't relate to that 0:16:33.440 --> 0:16:33.720 at all. 0:16:34.160 --> 0:16:37.840 I think it's really honest because I think that a 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:40.440 lot of us want things that other people want, and 0:16:40.480 --> 0:16:43.080 that's where status comes from, right, Like, something doesn't have 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:46.160 status if you're the only person who likes it. And 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:50.560 I think that applying that really openly to your romantic 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:53.800 slash sex life, I mean, it's a particular thing. It's 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:55.520 not my thing, as you say. In fact, I always 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:59.240 think when I see people going out with really objectively 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.720 can preventionally beautiful people who turn ahead in a room. 0:17:03.800 --> 0:17:06.480 I think that would be so stressful. That would be 0:17:06.520 --> 0:17:09.440 so stressful going out with that person and knowing that 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.320 everybody wants to. Luckily, it's not a problem I've had. 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:17.399 Say Holly, when Brent won his gone competition, Oh well 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:17.840 did that? 0:17:18.040 --> 0:17:18.800 Did you attract me? 0:17:19.200 --> 0:17:22.199 What's funny is that? So you know I'm not It 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.719 isn't my thing to want things other people want. I'm 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:29.920 much more likely to go sure have it. But there 0:17:30.000 --> 0:17:31.840 was a time in our lives when we were living 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.560 in Sydney, and because Brent's off most often been the 0:17:34.560 --> 0:17:37.560 primary carer in our house, right, there was a period 0:17:37.600 --> 0:17:40.800 of time wherever the school mom's at our primary school 0:17:40.840 --> 0:17:43.640 thought that he was a single dad because they've never 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:47.000 seen me. Make of that what you will, my friends. 0:17:47.480 --> 0:17:50.520 But one time he and I were doing something out 0:17:50.520 --> 0:17:53.359 the front of our unit and this woman came past 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:56.399 and she said to me, and Brent was like, oh, 0:17:56.440 --> 0:17:58.359 you haven't met my partner, Holly. And she was a 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:00.840 school mum and she goes, oh, I don't know you 0:18:00.880 --> 0:18:01.840 had to partner. 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:04.040 With this kind of look like that. 0:18:04.480 --> 0:18:08.000 I suddenly went like, oh she likes you. She's like 0:18:08.000 --> 0:18:11.840 i'n't telling my husband, you're my crush. Yes, I was like, Oh, 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.640 she likes you. Was I upset about it? 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:14.920 No? 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:15.960 Was? 0:18:16.000 --> 0:18:16.680 I threatened? 0:18:16.840 --> 0:18:17.040 No? 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:18.679 But then I think it. 0:18:18.720 --> 0:18:22.080 Kind of turn you on a little bit. 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:26.720 What I thought it was hilarious, which is a very 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:30.240 long term relationship dynamic that I'm sure sometimes really pisses 0:18:30.280 --> 0:18:32.199 people off, like, oh, you think it's so funny that 0:18:32.240 --> 0:18:35.320 they think I'm attractive. I think that there are all 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:38.040 kinds of weird dynamics when you've been with someone a 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:41.000 long time that I think this all plays into you 0:18:41.040 --> 0:18:44.240 know what I mean, And it can be dangerous territory 0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:46.080 as I said before, like it can be playing with 0:18:46.160 --> 0:18:49.199