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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on Hello, and welcome to

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mia out Loud and to our Friday show.

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Speaker 3: You know what happens on Friday.

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Speaker 2: We let go of the news cycle and we just

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Speaker 2: take a deep breath in and then we just go.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we do a bit of We were talking about

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Speaker 3: whim Hoff. He'd want us to do what box breathing.

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Speaker 2: And in through one nostril and out through that. You

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be able to hear that out louder, So that's fine.

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Speaker 3: Maybe we are doing that.

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Speaker 2: Maybe It's Friday, the eighteenth of October, and my name

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Speaker 2: is Holly Wayne Wright.

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Speaker 3: I'm Jesse Stevens and I'm in Burnham.

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Speaker 4: You can normally hear me on our daily entertainment podcast

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Speaker 4: The Spill. I'm filling in for mea.

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Speaker 2: Today and on the show in Defense of Marital Secrets?

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Speaker 2: Does intimacy really have to go hand in hand with

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Speaker 2: being a wide open book? Also, we have your weekend

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Speaker 2: recommendations for you. I've got a book that blew my

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Speaker 2: tiny mind. Jesse is pretending she watches other things. Than

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Speaker 2: true crime docos, and wants to tell you about something

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Speaker 2: British and scary. Who is It's not you my mother?

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Speaker 3: Also what it's really.

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Speaker 2: Like to live without a phone, a man on a

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Speaker 2: train and the truth about them sicky. It's best and

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Speaker 2: worst of the week, But first, Jesse Stevens.

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Speaker 3: In case you missed it. How you dream depends on

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Speaker 3: where you're from and how old you are. Em you're

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Speaker 3: in your twenties, so I'm going to assume you dream

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Speaker 3: in TikTok in dancing sound bites where you're just mouthing.

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Speaker 3: An article in The Washington Post looked at the differences

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Speaker 3: between how we dream and did you know that if

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Speaker 3: you grew up without a color television, so that would

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Speaker 3: mean that you're in your seventies or something, then you're

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Speaker 3: less likely to dream in color.

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Speaker 4: I was gonna say fifties. I'm a bit of excuse me.

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Speaker 3: It was once believed dreaming and color was associated with

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Speaker 3: psychological issues, but that myth has now been dispelled. Younger people,

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Speaker 3: based on a number of surveys, generally dream more in color,

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Speaker 3: but this drops by about twenty percent by the age

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Speaker 3: of sixty. Dream recall, including the level of detail is

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Speaker 3: understood to decline with age without telling me what you

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Speaker 3: dreamed about last night, because I do not care. Do

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Speaker 3: you dream in color? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: I dream in color. So are we saying that when

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Speaker 4: I get older, I'll stop dreaming in color, like my

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Speaker 4: ink runs out? Those are just the generations now.

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Speaker 3: No, I believe that as you get older, well you'll

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Speaker 3: recall declines. But yeah, it's not as kind of vivid.

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Speaker 3: The color is as vivid.

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Speaker 4: No, I still dream in color, so that means I'm

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Speaker 4: very youthful and young.

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Speaker 3: And do you dream in faces? Like is it like

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Speaker 3: a movie? What does it look like?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like I'm living my life. So my worst

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Speaker 4: dream ever is when I dream like that I'm coming

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Speaker 4: to work, because then I wake up and I still

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Speaker 4: have to go to work, so I feel that I've

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Speaker 4: done it twice. I do have this reoccurring dream that

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Speaker 4: I thought everyone got until I started talking about it

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Speaker 4: and people are like, that's weird. Where it's like if

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Speaker 4: I go to sleep without going to the bathroom before

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Speaker 4: going to sleep and I need to start going to

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Speaker 4: the bathroom, I'll dream about going to a toilet, but

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Speaker 4: my dream will like stop me from actually entering the

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Speaker 4: cubicle because it doesn't want me to pee in the bed.

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Speaker 4: And then I suddenly wake up and I'm like, oh

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Speaker 4: my god, I need to go a bathroom.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, I don't have those. I just get woken

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Speaker 3: up like all the time by needing to pee.

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Speaker 4: So you're subconscious is saying go, it's protecting me. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: And it's like making all these locks on the bathroom door.

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Speaker 4: I can't get to I can't remember.

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to think if I dream in color, I

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Speaker 2: must dream in color, right, because I'm not that old.

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Speaker 2: But also I don't know. I always remember the vibe

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Speaker 2: of the dream rather than the visuals.

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Speaker 3: So do you mean the vibe?

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Speaker 2: Was it scary?

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Speaker 3: Was it happy?

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Speaker 2: Was it good?

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Speaker 3: Did I like it?

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Speaker 2: Was it making me anxious?

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Speaker 3: So that's what a lot of research on dreams is

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Speaker 3: said that the thing that sticks with you about dreams

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Speaker 3: often isn't the imagery but the feeling. You know, you

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Speaker 3: wake up with a bad feeling some days and then

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Speaker 3: you're like, oh, I had this terrible dream. Sometimes I

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Speaker 3: put put together the plot. But I think I've read

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Speaker 3: that dreams are actually just your brain throwing you a

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Speaker 3: bunch of random images from your day, and then the

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Speaker 3: way the brain works is that it has to make

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Speaker 3: a coherent story, so then you try and put something together.

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Speaker 3: But I often just remember the plot. I don't think

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Speaker 3: I dream in images or anything. Really, I'm definitely not

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Speaker 3: seeing it like a movie.

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Speaker 2: And you know, people dream in the language they're speaking

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Speaker 2: and stuff like that, right, because our head of content

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Speaker 2: was telling us, because she lives in a bilingual house,

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Speaker 2: her little boys still dream in Swedish.

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Speaker 3: Which because they language talk. She was saying, they actually

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Speaker 3: sleep talk in Swedish, which.

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Speaker 2: Is the language their dad speaks to them, and that

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Speaker 2: they were immersed in when they were tiny and she

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Speaker 2: was pregnant with me.

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Speaker 3: In your dreams, does everyone have a British accent?

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Speaker 2: It's a very good question. You have to pay more

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Speaker 2: attention next time I'm dreaming. When I was on holiday,

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Speaker 2: you know how when he's sleeping a stranger, I don't worry.

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Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell you my dreams. I agree

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Speaker 2: with you, Jesse boring. But when I was on holiday,

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Speaker 2: you know, when he's sleeping in strange bed, I had

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Speaker 2: a really scary dream, like a nightmare, like a kid,

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Speaker 2: and I woke up just like but even now I

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Speaker 2: couldn't tell you was it color? Was it in English?

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Speaker 3: Was it in Mancuni? And I don't know.

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Speaker 4: The Atlantic posted an article titled in Defense of Marital Secrets.

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Speaker 4: It was based off an idea from Lauren Elkins's book

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Speaker 4: called Scaffolding, which suggests that you actually shouldn't tell your

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Speaker 4: partner everything and that total honesty can only take a

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Speaker 4: relationship so far.

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Speaker 3: This completely blew.

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Speaker 4: My mind because I've not been in a relationship, and

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Speaker 4: I thought the whole point of being in a relationship

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Speaker 4: is that you finally have someone to tell everything too.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, when you say you haven't been

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Speaker 2: in a relationship, what's your longest relationship?

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Speaker 4: Probably like a year in a bit, that's a.

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Speaker 2: Relationship, Yeah, but like it's one that I want to

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Speaker 2: forget about it. You don't call it like you haven't

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Speaker 2: lived with someone or that kind of thing. So you've

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Speaker 2: dated people, but not for longer than that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I've never been with someone where I was like,

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Speaker 4: this is my person?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 3: Have you been in love? Yes?

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Speaker 2: And did you feel like that should come with no secrets?

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Speaker 4: No? No, I think like when you live with someone,

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Speaker 4: I think it's the twenty four seven, like, once you

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Speaker 4: spend twenty four seven with someone, that's when I feel

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Speaker 4: like I believed when someone's meant to know everything about you.

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Speaker 3: And what you're speaking to is exactly the myth. I

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Speaker 3: think we're fed from childhood because I thought exactly the

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Speaker 3: same thing. I have a twin, so I have a

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Speaker 3: built in best friend, but I definitely had this sense

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Speaker 3: that one day there would be someone who really knew

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Speaker 3: me inside and out, they knew everything about me, and

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Speaker 3: I would have this best friend where I was porous,

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Speaker 3: and I guess this is like some sort of fairy

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Speaker 3: tale thing. Perhaps we learned through movies and books and

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Speaker 3: stuff that someone will complete you and then you'll live

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Speaker 3: with them and there'll never be any secret and they'll

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Speaker 3: be total intimacy. But this thing happens where you add

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Speaker 3: in other factors like sex, like money, like kids, like

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Speaker 3: in laws, and suddenly, in fact, friendships are a lot

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Speaker 3: simpler because with my best friends, we're not sharing money,

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Speaker 3: and we're not navigating a sex life, and we're not

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Speaker 3: deciding how to copare and a child. So in fact,

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Speaker 3: to have a loving partnership, I've found that sometimes those

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Speaker 3: secrets are necessary. Do you think the same thing, Holly.

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Speaker 2: Well, obviously people.

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Speaker 3: Doesn't even know where she lives. You know, you know,

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Speaker 3: I like it. I like my privacy.

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Speaker 2: I might live with three other people, and presd and

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Speaker 2: I have been together twenty years private person. When I

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Speaker 2: read this headline, I loved it in defense of marital secrets,

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Speaker 2: because I think as relationships progress, you do need to

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Speaker 2: bits of yourself. And one of the things that blew

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Speaker 2: this open for me. We've talked about this on the

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Speaker 2: show before, but Jesse has just read All Fours by

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Speaker 2: Miranda july Sovian. It's a story about a woman in

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Speaker 2: midlife who I mean, she's having a midlife crisis really.

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Speaker 2: But one of the things in the first half of

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Speaker 2: the book that she keeps saying about her relationship with

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Speaker 2: her husband, which is all pretty ordinary relationship to be honest,

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Speaker 2: is that one day they will be some kind of

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Speaker 2: breakthrough where they truly know each other in any everything,

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Speaker 2: and that they're like just two souls like bleeding together,

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Speaker 2: and he will truly know her in every way and

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Speaker 2: understand all her weirdness and eccentricities and her him, and

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Speaker 2: they'll tell each other all their thoughts and all the

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Speaker 2: weird things that you're scared to say out loud and

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Speaker 2: all of those things right, and that doesn't happen. But

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Speaker 2: it's interesting because I do think, as Jesse says, that's

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Speaker 2: what we think, that's what romantic love has to be,

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Speaker 2: but that actually probably as relationships progress, to stay successful

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Speaker 2: and healthy, you need to keep bits of yourself, you

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Speaker 2: know what I mean, You need to you and you're you.

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Speaker 2: So we asked the out louders right about whether or

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Speaker 2: not they think it's okay to keep secrets in their relationships,

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Speaker 2: and they gave us some examples, but one of them

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Speaker 2: that I really I like this because you've got to remember,

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Speaker 2: if you're thinking about marital secrets, there's a difference, and

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Speaker 2: a very important difference between a secret and a lie.

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Speaker 2: Right in my opinion, and obviously i'm a relationship guru,

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Speaker 2: an unmarried relationship guru. In my mon there should be

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Speaker 2: a bright line about lying like not cool I mean

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Speaker 2: white lies. I know that's a term that's very unpopular

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Speaker 2: because all lies of deception, but I don't think it's

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Speaker 2: a lie when somebody says how much was that shirt

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Speaker 2: and you say I can't remember, I don't think.

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Speaker 3: That's See my parents have always had a rule where

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Speaker 3: I think they both know what happens. My mum halves

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Speaker 3: the amount because she knows he'll double it. Yeah, so

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Speaker 3: that's how it works. It's like Dad will say how

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Speaker 3: much did the new door cost? And she'll be like,

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Speaker 3: m fifty dollars and he's like, it cost one hundred dollars.

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Speaker 3: And that's just how they speak.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and so I think that that does you.

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Speaker 3: But no, I don't think.

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Speaker 2: That counts as a lie, right, I don't think that

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Speaker 2: counts as a lie. Like a lie is different. If

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Speaker 2: someone asks you something directly and you don't tell them,

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Speaker 2: that's a lie, and that's a breach of trust. But

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Speaker 2: not telling them everything, that's different. Right, And then let

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Speaker 2: me quote you this out Louder quoted Outlander. The outlouders

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Speaker 2: who have watched Outlander or read Outlander. That's the one

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Speaker 2: about the very hot man in a kilt and some

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Speaker 2: time traveling. That's all you need to know about that.

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Speaker 2: But this out Louder said. One of the favorite lines

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Speaker 2: about Outlander not going to do the accent because that

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Speaker 2: would be offensive to Scott's everywhere is there are things

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Speaker 2: I can't tell you, at least not yet. And I'll

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Speaker 2: ask nothing of you that you can't give me. But

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Speaker 2: what I would ask of you when you do tell

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Speaker 2: me something, let it be the truth. And I promise

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Speaker 2: you the same. We have nothing between us but respect, perhaps,

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Speaker 2: and I think that respect has some room for secrets,

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Speaker 2: but not for lies.

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Speaker 4: Do you agree?

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, yes, I agree. I now live my

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Speaker 2: life by outlander.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I think that that's an important difference. One

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Speaker 3: of my friends, this is one of my favorite secrets,

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Speaker 3: is that she had booked a Plartes class that she

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Speaker 3: was meant to go to and she rushed to get

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Speaker 3: there and she missed it, like just was five ten

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Speaker 3: minutes lights, so couldn't go. And then she was like, well,

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Speaker 3: you know what, I'm hungry. I'm going to go get

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Speaker 3: drived through. So she spent that hour sitting there just

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Speaker 3: eighty McDonald's. And when she got home, he said, how

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Speaker 3: the vallarates class? And she said, good, but is that

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Speaker 3: a lie? That's a lie? It probably is, but to

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Speaker 3: me harmless secret. That secret the type of thing you

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Speaker 3: will tell all of your friends, but you just look

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Speaker 3: at them and you're like, I still want you to

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Speaker 3: love me.

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Speaker 2: Plisso what about this one. This is another out loud

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Speaker 2: ast one. My husband and I have no secrets from

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Speaker 2: the time we've been together, but we haven't disclosed all

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Speaker 2: the details of our lives before that because honestly, neither

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Speaker 2: of us really need to know the antics of each

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Speaker 2: other in their twenties.

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Speaker 3: Is that cool?

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Speaker 2: I think so?

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 2: In your mind, when you meet the one with capital

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Speaker 2: T capital oh, you'll tell them everything ever happened to you,

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Speaker 2: and they'll tell you everything that's ever happened to them.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: I picture us going like doing that. I love yous,

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Speaker 4: Like we're in bed doing that, I love you and

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Speaker 4: we're sitting up and we're like, now go and then

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Speaker 4: you're just like a list every single thing about like

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Speaker 4: your life, everything that no one else knows. And then

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Speaker 4: he goes and I'm like, will this make it? Hopefully?

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Speaker 3: Okay, here's an example, right, this is this is one.

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Speaker 3: So you've been in a relationship, and one thing that

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Speaker 3: Luca and I said before we got married is, and

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Speaker 3: we're very influenced by Esparrell, is just because you're married

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Speaker 3: to someone, or just because you're in a long term

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Speaker 3: monogamous relationship doesn't mean that every now and then you're

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Speaker 3: gonna find someone else attractive, right, It's gonna be a

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Speaker 3: little crushes and that's absolutely fine. And the other day

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Speaker 3: we're talking about something, and something came up about someone

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Speaker 3: that Luke thought was attractive, and he decided he would

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Speaker 3: tell me that, and I thought that would best be

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Speaker 3: kept to see. Yeah, was it a real.

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Speaker 4: Person or a celebrity?

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Speaker 3: Oh, it was a real person.

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Speaker 5: Yes.

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Speaker 3: He just kind of went on about it a bit

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Speaker 3: and I kept trying to cut him down.

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Speaker 5: No.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, but and then criticize them, and he was like,

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Speaker 3: I don't really think that, And I just thought that's

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Speaker 3: an inside thought.

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Speaker 2: See this is interesting because my general philosophy about relationships

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Speaker 2: is that blanket rules a bully it because we're all different,

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Speaker 2: so we all know.

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Speaker 3: Any out louder knows that.

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Speaker 2: Jesse is a bit jealous, So Luca should have shut

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Speaker 2: up about that.

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Speaker 3: I reckon, when you have a crush, I don't think

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Speaker 3: you need to tell your partner about it. No, I agreed.

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Speaker 2: But there are some couples for whom that would be

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Speaker 2: quite exciting, and they would tease each other about it

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Speaker 2: and be like, next time you're enough, Oh you live

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Speaker 2: her who you like? And they would have fun with it.

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Speaker 4: You're not that peronn't think that's fun, But do you

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Speaker 4: secretly want to know?

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Speaker 3: This is a complexity, is that Luca will never and

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Speaker 3: has never lied to me, like he is the honest

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Speaker 3: to a fault. Probably his greatest flaw is that he

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Speaker 3: could be a little bit gentler with the truth. But

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Speaker 3: him telling me that, also in terms of trust, I

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Speaker 3: just went, I've got nothing to worry about because honestly,

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Speaker 3: Luke will call me before he cheats, like he's not

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Speaker 3: going to do something behind my back. So in that

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Speaker 3: way there's the trust. But also there are some details,

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Speaker 3: and I think this is also about you might be

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Speaker 3: at a certain position in your relationship. There are things

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Speaker 3: that in any relationship you find hard about each other,

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Speaker 3: and I don't think sometimes trying to hide those is

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Speaker 3: necessarily a bad thing. So even like Lucra and I have,

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Speaker 3: I think it's a barefoot investor thing. The NQA account,

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Speaker 3: which is the no questions asking acount, which is like

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Speaker 3: we get a certain amount of money every month and

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Speaker 3: we don't look at all. The other person wants if

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Speaker 3: I want to go and spend my money at Mecca,

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Speaker 3: and he thinks that that's not a good use of money,

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Speaker 3: none of his business, and like, we don't have to

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Speaker 3: be in each other's.

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Speaker 2: Pockets because with that, it's not the family finances exactly

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Speaker 2: totally different.

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Speaker 3: And I think that finance is like, if you're going

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Speaker 3: to go and spend someone else's money or whatever, then

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Speaker 3: that matters. But I think sparing like the person that

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Speaker 3: you're with, of things that are going to stress them

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Speaker 3: out or like I just unnecessary. I think that can

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Speaker 3: be a kindness.

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Speaker 2: I have another test for you, Emma, you and your

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Speaker 2: imaginary partner. What about other people's secrets? Because what a

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Speaker 2: lot about Loud is said, there's a hierarchy of secrets, right,

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Speaker 2: So what about a lot about Loud has said, I

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Speaker 2: keep any secret that isn't really mine. So say your

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Speaker 2: friend something about one of your mutual friends, or something

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Speaker 2: is about someone in their family or your family who's

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Speaker 2: told you something in confidence. Do you tell your partner

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Speaker 2: in this idyllic version of complete honesty.

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Speaker 4: See, I thought it was a given. I thought everything

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Speaker 4: I told my friends their partner would already like would know.

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Speaker 4: I thought that came with the rules of your friend

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Speaker 4: being in a relationship. So I've just been going like

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Speaker 4: meeting people's partners going you probably know everything and they're like,

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Speaker 4: who are you?

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, oh no, no, no, no, no, no, girl.

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Speaker 3: I have a strict because next time, as a friend.

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Speaker 4: That makes me feel good that you're not telling a

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Speaker 4: partner about I mean, I.

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Speaker 2: Might tell, like Brent, things about our mutual friends that

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Speaker 2: aren't a big deal. But if my friend has said

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Speaker 2: to me, please don't tell anyone, then I won't tell

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Speaker 2: him really unless I mean, what if he asks, Well,

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Speaker 2: I can't think of very many examples where he would.

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Speaker 2: I mean, obviously, you sometimes get in sticky situations where

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Speaker 2: you're friends with a couple, and that can be tricky

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Speaker 2: when shit goes down, and I've lived through all that

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Speaker 2: and you have to navigate that.

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Speaker 3: That's hard.

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Speaker 2: So there are things that you just wouldn't say because

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Speaker 2: you don't want to put that person in a situation.

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Speaker 2: But my loyalty remains with my friend who told me

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Speaker 2: a secret, unless it's unless it's something that like would

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Speaker 2: directly affect Brent's life, Like imagine for example, which wouldn't

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Speaker 2: happen in my world. But like if they said, you'll

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Speaker 2: never guess what, but Brent's about to get fired. Obviously,

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Speaker 2: don't tell him, But broadly speaking, a secret that isn't

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Speaker 2: about me or mine, I wouldn't ever tell him that.

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Speaker 4: That makes me feel really good.

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Speaker 3: What kind of artsholes do you think your friends with

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Speaker 3: a will all do?

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Speaker 2: This is a great one from Karen and out Louder,

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Speaker 2: who wishes there were more secrets in a relationship I've

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Speaker 2: spent the last I don't know if this qualifies as

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Speaker 2: a secret, but here you can tell me. I've spent

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Speaker 2: the last twenty five years with my husband leaving very

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Speaker 2: early for work, which left me with time to myself

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Speaker 2: in the mornings. I still had the kids, but they

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Speaker 2: were either asleep or busy getting ready for school. I

383
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Speaker 2: used to take this time to pluck my chin hair,

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Speaker 2: lip hair after a shower, lift my big boobs up

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Speaker 2: under the fan to dry out, and spread my legs

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Speaker 2: in front of the fan, also to dry out please

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Speaker 2: a pimple or waxy under armed bikini line, and basically

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Speaker 2: have me time while I.

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Speaker 3: Got ready for work. Well, now he's partly retired.

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Speaker 2: And his home all the time every morning. I don't

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Speaker 2: like him knowing or seeing me dry out my big

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Speaker 2: boobs under the fat I've kept him private, our whole

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Speaker 2: married lives secret blown.

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Speaker 3: Oh I love that so much, Liza.

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Speaker 4: I feel like bathroom secrets are different though, Like whatever

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Speaker 4: happens in the bathroom stays in the bathroom.

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Speaker 3: I agree. And there's even you know, if I'm at

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Speaker 3: home with Luna for the day and look ast me

399
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Speaker 3: about my day, omit a nap? Like if I went

400
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Speaker 3: and had a nap when there are just certain things

401
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Speaker 3: that make me sound a little bit shitter, and I'm like.

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Speaker 4: Well, you're like, well, this is the person I wanted

403
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Speaker 4: to be today, so you're going to get that first try.

404
00:18:19,687 --> 00:18:23,727
Speaker 3: I slaved over the stove and I was actually nothing

405
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Speaker 3: for that. Or like if I missed a deadline and

406
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:27,607
Speaker 3: I did something a bit, I wouldn't tell him that

407
00:18:27,687 --> 00:18:31,407
Speaker 3: because I just not being the person to the deadline.

408
00:18:31,567 --> 00:18:33,367
Speaker 3: I agree, So you just tell a little lie.

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Speaker 2: What about botox? So quite a few out louders say

410
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Speaker 2: that the secret they keep from their partner is their

411
00:18:38,047 --> 00:18:41,247
Speaker 2: Auntie Rinkle injections. Do we have any judgments about that?

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Speaker 4: I would tell about the injections if I got injections

413
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Speaker 4: only because I feel like if it was obvious, Because

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Speaker 4: I feel like sometimes it's obvious with women that I

415
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Speaker 4: feel like someone would be like, oh, I didn't know

416
00:18:53,967 --> 00:18:56,807
Speaker 4: Emily got botox to my partner, and then he'd be like,

417
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Speaker 4: what thoughts.

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Speaker 3: I have friends that wouldn't tell their partner just because

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Speaker 3: they can't be bothered having the conversation because their partner's

420
00:19:03,847 --> 00:19:06,367
Speaker 3: going to go. I think it looks beautiful without it,

421
00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:09,567
Speaker 3: and it's like, it's not about you, in which case

422
00:19:09,647 --> 00:19:12,007
Speaker 3: I kind of defend that. The question for me is

423
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Speaker 3: does the secret erode trust? And if you're not looking

424
00:19:16,727 --> 00:19:20,407
Speaker 3: them in the eye lying, then I don't think it

425
00:19:20,767 --> 00:19:24,087
Speaker 3: necessarily does. And there are certain secrets that can make

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Speaker 3: a marriage more loving because you know each other's soft spots,

427
00:19:28,887 --> 00:19:31,487
Speaker 3: you know each other's the bits that you might just

428
00:19:31,567 --> 00:19:34,887
Speaker 3: kind of dance around a little bit. And so a

429
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Speaker 3: lot of women as well saying that they go to

430
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Speaker 3: the hairdresser and they don't tell their partner how much

431
00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:39,767
Speaker 3: their hair cost. I mean, you can probably check the

432
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Speaker 3: bank statement, but I don't feel like that's a conversation that.

433
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Speaker 2: Needs to because it's definitely not the conversation these happened.

434
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Speaker 2: We ask some of our Mamma Meer staff about secrets

435
00:19:48,287 --> 00:19:51,167
Speaker 2: they would keep in relationships, and this is what they said.

436
00:19:51,687 --> 00:19:53,127
Speaker 1: When it comes to keeping secrets.

437
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Speaker 2: My partner knows nothing about what I spend, and I

438
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Speaker 2: completely control the budget.

439
00:19:57,607 --> 00:20:00,207
Speaker 5: My partner and I have been together for eight years now,

440
00:20:00,527 --> 00:20:03,807
Speaker 5: and for two of those years, I was a pretty

441
00:20:03,807 --> 00:20:07,967
Speaker 5: heavy smoker, and I completely kept it from him and

442
00:20:08,087 --> 00:20:12,167
Speaker 5: he had no clue. I felt terrible all the time

443
00:20:12,207 --> 00:20:15,807
Speaker 5: we were living together and I was smoking in our backyard.

444
00:20:15,967 --> 00:20:17,847
Speaker 5: The only reason why I kept it from him was

445
00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:21,407
Speaker 5: because I knew he hated smoking and I didn't want

446
00:20:21,567 --> 00:20:24,327
Speaker 5: him to lecture me, so I just kept it under wraps.

447
00:20:24,767 --> 00:20:28,047
Speaker 6: So very early on in our relationship, one of my

448
00:20:28,607 --> 00:20:31,287
Speaker 6: partner's best friends told me that I was too good

449
00:20:31,327 --> 00:20:33,847
Speaker 6: for my partner and then I should leave him, and

450
00:20:33,927 --> 00:20:37,367
Speaker 6: that he thought I was punching and that my partner

451
00:20:37,487 --> 00:20:39,967
Speaker 6: wasn't good enough for me. That person isn't in our

452
00:20:40,007 --> 00:20:42,407
Speaker 6: life anymore. They stopped being friends, but I never told

453
00:20:42,447 --> 00:20:44,447
Speaker 6: my partner because I thought it would upset him and

454
00:20:44,527 --> 00:20:47,367
Speaker 6: I didn't agree. And here we are, twelve years, two

455
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,407
Speaker 6: kids later, a beautiful life, and they were clearly wrong.

456
00:20:50,487 --> 00:20:52,887
Speaker 6: And I still think that I wouldn't tell my partner

457
00:20:52,927 --> 00:20:54,167
Speaker 6: now because there's no point.

458
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:57,287
Speaker 1: I think it's absolutely fine if someone fakes an orgasm

459
00:20:57,407 --> 00:21:00,567
Speaker 1: in a marriage. You know, we're all busy, we're all tired,

460
00:21:01,087 --> 00:21:03,527
Speaker 1: and you don't want anyone to feel bad like they're underperforming.

461
00:21:03,567 --> 00:21:05,367
Speaker 1: So it's kind of an act of kindness if you

462
00:21:05,847 --> 00:21:07,847
Speaker 1: just pretend Yeah, that was great, but really you just

463
00:21:07,887 --> 00:21:08,607
Speaker 1: want to go to sleep.

464
00:21:09,287 --> 00:21:09,727
Speaker 6: Love making.

465
00:21:09,727 --> 00:21:12,527
Speaker 5: My husband gives how much my makeup and beauty products cost,

466
00:21:12,607 --> 00:21:12,927
Speaker 5: and of.

467
00:21:12,887 --> 00:21:16,167
Speaker 6: Course I say sure, darling whinny yeses, which is always

468
00:21:16,167 --> 00:21:16,847
Speaker 6: completely wrong.

469
00:21:17,127 --> 00:21:20,767
Speaker 1: I don't keep a single secret from my partner sometimes

470
00:21:20,807 --> 00:21:23,007
Speaker 1: actually he tells me that I should keep more secrets

471
00:21:23,007 --> 00:21:24,767
Speaker 1: from him, and I don't need to tell him quite

472
00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:25,287
Speaker 1: so much.

473
00:21:25,487 --> 00:21:27,447
Speaker 3: But I'm an open book.

474
00:21:27,847 --> 00:21:29,607
Speaker 2: What was interesting to me about the ones from the

475
00:21:29,647 --> 00:21:32,287
Speaker 2: MoMA Mere people is money. It's a big thing that

476
00:21:32,407 --> 00:21:34,247
Speaker 2: comes up a lot, right, and whether or not you

477
00:21:34,287 --> 00:21:35,967
Speaker 2: have to be honest about what you spend on one.

478
00:21:36,527 --> 00:21:38,287
Speaker 2: And I think that's a big issue for you if

479
00:21:38,327 --> 00:21:42,647
Speaker 2: you have had issues with money in the past. Yeah,

480
00:21:42,687 --> 00:21:49,727
Speaker 2: sex is interesting. Yeah, faking orgasms, No one's faking orgasms

481
00:21:49,727 --> 00:21:52,647
Speaker 2: in your perfect imagination.

482
00:21:52,247 --> 00:21:55,607
Speaker 4: Imaginary relationship. I'm like, Okay, you can fake an orgasm

483
00:21:55,727 --> 00:21:59,207
Speaker 4: if you're in a long term relationship. Don't fake an

484
00:21:59,247 --> 00:22:02,407
Speaker 4: orgasm if you're just like short term or dating because

485
00:22:02,407 --> 00:22:04,047
Speaker 4: you're doing every other woman in disservice.

486
00:22:04,567 --> 00:22:05,247
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you're right.

487
00:22:05,527 --> 00:22:07,767
Speaker 2: I mean, when they're set, this person is set, loose.

488
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:10,087
Speaker 3: Back out and you're only fucking your selfie us you are.

489
00:22:10,527 --> 00:22:13,727
Speaker 2: But the one that's probably the most interesting there in

490
00:22:13,727 --> 00:22:16,087
Speaker 2: a way is the one she's never told her partner

491
00:22:16,127 --> 00:22:18,887
Speaker 2: that the friend said something horrible about him. I think

492
00:22:18,887 --> 00:22:21,327
Speaker 2: those are always secrets worth keeping, is ones that would

493
00:22:21,367 --> 00:22:23,687
Speaker 2: just really upset someone. And yet what's the point of

494
00:22:23,727 --> 00:22:26,847
Speaker 2: telling anyone that, Like, what's the point of upsetting somebody.

495
00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:28,927
Speaker 3: If anyone in your life has ever said anything awful

496
00:22:28,967 --> 00:22:32,367
Speaker 3: about them? No, no way, I would be repeating that.

497
00:22:32,567 --> 00:22:36,167
Speaker 2: The smoker one, she's dreaming. He knew the whole time

498
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:38,207
Speaker 2: I went through that. I used to be a smoker

499
00:22:38,207 --> 00:22:40,647
Speaker 2: and I had a boyfriend who was so anti smoking,

500
00:22:41,047 --> 00:22:42,927
Speaker 2: and I used to sneak out and I was there

501
00:22:42,967 --> 00:22:45,127
Speaker 2: with the bloody washing up gloves and the Polo mints

502
00:22:45,167 --> 00:22:47,127
Speaker 2: and the chewing gum and they're fresh, and I like,

503
00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:49,087
Speaker 2: as if he didn't know, he knew, And when we

504
00:22:49,087 --> 00:22:49,927
Speaker 2: broke up, he was like.

505
00:22:50,087 --> 00:22:53,007
Speaker 4: I know you still smoke and I was like me,

506
00:22:53,207 --> 00:22:55,207
Speaker 4: what do you mean seeing you with your bag of

507
00:22:55,247 --> 00:22:57,567
Speaker 4: supplies every day?

508
00:22:57,807 --> 00:22:59,767
Speaker 3: I don't know what you mean. I's a probably with

509
00:22:59,807 --> 00:23:01,367
Speaker 3: living in a house with someone. I tried to keep

510
00:23:01,407 --> 00:23:03,847
Speaker 3: a secret recently, just for a bit of fun spicings

511
00:23:03,927 --> 00:23:07,287
Speaker 3: up and Luca walked in and looked me in the

512
00:23:07,287 --> 00:23:09,207
Speaker 3: eye and said when were you going to tell me?

513
00:23:09,327 --> 00:23:13,207
Speaker 3: And then just delivered my secret. I didn't have to confess.

514
00:23:13,567 --> 00:23:16,207
Speaker 3: Out louders, jump in the mumme er out Louder's Facebook group.

515
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:19,007
Speaker 3: We have a thread that we've pinned in there with

516
00:23:19,327 --> 00:23:23,047
Speaker 3: just all of the secrets that people are keeping from

517
00:23:23,047 --> 00:23:25,487
Speaker 3: their partners, what they think they can keep or shouldn't keep.

518
00:23:25,567 --> 00:23:28,247
Speaker 3: Please jump in and let us know. Well, it's all right,

519
00:23:28,287 --> 00:23:30,807
Speaker 3: I'm your free answer. Everyone assumes you'll tell me everything.

520
00:23:31,207 --> 00:23:34,447
Speaker 3: What you get that from, Well, they're a couple, it's understood.

521
00:23:35,727 --> 00:23:36,607
Speaker 2: I never heard of that.

522
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,207
Speaker 3: Well, you've never been a couple.

523
00:23:38,287 --> 00:23:40,007
Speaker 6: Love couple, love coupled.

524
00:23:40,767 --> 00:23:47,607
Speaker 2: Keeping secrets Out loud. It's Friday, and we have recommendations

525
00:23:47,647 --> 00:23:50,887
Speaker 2: for your weekend for you. So Jesse Stevens recommend a

526
00:23:50,927 --> 00:23:51,487
Speaker 2: TV show.

527
00:23:51,767 --> 00:23:54,207
Speaker 3: This is right up your Ali, Holly, have you heard

528
00:23:54,247 --> 00:23:56,847
Speaker 3: of this. Yeah, No, I haven't disclaimer.

529
00:23:56,967 --> 00:23:58,607
Speaker 2: I saw the notes in the script, and I was like,

530
00:23:58,847 --> 00:24:00,287
Speaker 2: why haven't I heard of this?

531
00:24:00,367 --> 00:24:02,887
Speaker 3: Yes, since because you've been on a desert island with

532
00:24:03,207 --> 00:24:05,887
Speaker 3: no reception. But I'm breaking some rules here because I've

533
00:24:05,887 --> 00:24:07,807
Speaker 3: only watched two episodes. But that's because there's only two

534
00:24:07,807 --> 00:24:11,447
Speaker 3: episodes available, and I wanted to recommend something that isn't

535
00:24:11,607 --> 00:24:14,647
Speaker 3: a true crime doco. Just in brackets here, the new

536
00:24:14,687 --> 00:24:16,687
Speaker 3: Menendez doco. Has anyone seen that?

537
00:24:16,967 --> 00:24:17,127
Speaker 5: Is that?

538
00:24:17,167 --> 00:24:17,767
Speaker 3: Worth my time?

539
00:24:17,887 --> 00:24:18,487
Speaker 5: Oh? So good?

540
00:24:18,647 --> 00:24:19,047
Speaker 3: So good?

541
00:24:19,367 --> 00:24:20,847
Speaker 2: I did now think there should be led out.

542
00:24:20,887 --> 00:24:23,287
Speaker 3: They should be let out. Absolutely, Yeah, that's what I believe.

543
00:24:23,367 --> 00:24:26,127
Speaker 2: Kardashian says so, and I generally choose to believe them.

544
00:24:26,807 --> 00:24:29,207
Speaker 3: Gadashian's our folip rap. They should be let out. That

545
00:24:29,367 --> 00:24:32,647
Speaker 3: is the documentary. I didn't watch the TV series. Now

546
00:24:32,727 --> 00:24:35,367
Speaker 3: watch the doco. That was fantastic, and the Lazy Peterson

547
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,367
Speaker 3: one also brilliant.

548
00:24:36,367 --> 00:24:38,887
Speaker 2: Okay, something that isn't true crime, please Jesse, you students.

549
00:24:38,567 --> 00:24:42,127
Speaker 3: Okay, this is fake crime. I have watched Disclaimer Apple TV,

550
00:24:42,567 --> 00:24:45,527
Speaker 3: and I wanted to fill the whole of presumed innocent.

551
00:24:45,767 --> 00:24:48,567
Speaker 2: Sorry, this show is called disclaimer, or you're making a

552
00:24:48,567 --> 00:24:49,927
Speaker 2: disclo called Disclaimer.

553
00:24:50,767 --> 00:24:53,207
Speaker 3: The show is called Disclaimer. It's very I keep forgetting it.

554
00:24:53,287 --> 00:24:56,367
Speaker 3: I keep thinking it's called disclosure or something. Anyway, I

555
00:24:56,407 --> 00:24:58,647
Speaker 3: wanted to fill the whole of Presumed Innocent because that

556
00:24:58,687 --> 00:25:00,967
Speaker 3: was brilliant. And then I read about this and it

557
00:25:01,047 --> 00:25:03,927
Speaker 3: is made by an Oscar winning director. It has Cate

558
00:25:03,967 --> 00:25:06,967
Speaker 3: Blanchette and Sasha Baron Cohen in the lead roles, and

559
00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:09,927
Speaker 3: it recently premiered at one of the fancy film and

560
00:25:10,007 --> 00:25:14,527
Speaker 3: has almost universally positive reviews. This is a premise. Blanchette

561
00:25:14,607 --> 00:25:18,327
Speaker 3: plays a famed documentary journalist and she gets sent this

562
00:25:18,447 --> 00:25:20,287
Speaker 3: book or novel, and you watch her in one of

563
00:25:20,287 --> 00:25:22,527
Speaker 3: the first scenes read this book and she runs to

564
00:25:22,567 --> 00:25:24,727
Speaker 3: the toilet and vomits, and it's just triggered a real

565
00:25:24,767 --> 00:25:28,527
Speaker 3: emotional response. And it's because she recognizes herself as one

566
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:31,207
Speaker 3: of the characters, and it has revealed a secret that

567
00:25:31,247 --> 00:25:33,647
Speaker 3: she's been trying to keep hidden for years and years

568
00:25:33,647 --> 00:25:36,167
Speaker 3: and years. So it's very marital secrets.

569
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:41,847
Speaker 7: All these years, you have concealed parts of yourself from

570
00:25:41,887 --> 00:25:42,967
Speaker 7: the world to.

571
00:25:43,007 --> 00:25:48,607
Speaker 2: A beacon of truth, somebody who inspires me every every day.

572
00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:53,447
Speaker 7: You keep everyone in the dark to maintain a balance,

573
00:25:55,087 --> 00:26:05,727
Speaker 7: and you think you have succeeded until now.

574
00:26:06,087 --> 00:26:09,407
Speaker 3: It is very cinematic. It feels like a movie. It's

575
00:26:09,447 --> 00:26:12,927
Speaker 3: over like a series, really kind of premium first to

576
00:26:13,007 --> 00:26:15,727
Speaker 3: have dropped next to a dropping tonight, and then it's

577
00:26:15,767 --> 00:26:20,207
Speaker 3: like every week until mid November. But everyone's talking about it.

578
00:26:20,207 --> 00:26:24,807
Speaker 3: It's very mysterious, thriller, dark and it's got Cape Blanchet.

579
00:26:24,887 --> 00:26:26,727
Speaker 3: Oh brilliant. It sounds amazing.

580
00:26:27,367 --> 00:26:29,967
Speaker 2: I'm jumping in in between the two TV shows with

581
00:26:30,047 --> 00:26:32,287
Speaker 2: a book I have read, which I know Jesse has

582
00:26:32,327 --> 00:26:35,487
Speaker 2: also read, not least because we're both interviewing the author.

583
00:26:35,767 --> 00:26:38,247
Speaker 2: In fact, I did it last night. Jodi Picot, I

584
00:26:38,287 --> 00:26:39,647
Speaker 2: think you might have heard of her. She's just written

585
00:26:39,687 --> 00:26:42,447
Speaker 2: a few little books. Yeah, just a few little books,

586
00:26:42,487 --> 00:26:47,167
Speaker 2: books like My Sister's Keeper, Mad Honey. I read books

587
00:26:47,287 --> 00:26:50,647
Speaker 2: like small great things, all these amazing books. Anyway, Her

588
00:26:50,647 --> 00:26:53,087
Speaker 2: most recent book is called by any Other Name, and

589
00:26:53,127 --> 00:26:54,927
Speaker 2: the reason it blew my mind. Like all her books

590
00:26:54,967 --> 00:26:58,007
Speaker 2: are very immersive. She's absolute master of plot, but she

591
00:26:58,167 --> 00:27:01,367
Speaker 2: also goes deep into whatever she's writing about, and this

592
00:27:01,447 --> 00:27:02,527
Speaker 2: is historical fiction.

593
00:27:02,807 --> 00:27:05,087
Speaker 3: After I read Mad Honey, I am a beekeeper. There's

594
00:27:05,127 --> 00:27:06,607
Speaker 3: not a single thing I don't know about bees.

595
00:27:07,047 --> 00:27:11,887
Speaker 2: She is research heavy, but also very easy to read anyway.

596
00:27:12,487 --> 00:27:14,727
Speaker 2: By any other name, there isn't it blue my tiny mind.

597
00:27:14,807 --> 00:27:17,487
Speaker 2: The broad premise is it's a historical fiction and it's

598
00:27:17,487 --> 00:27:20,727
Speaker 2: about although it plays out in two timelines, two women.

599
00:27:21,207 --> 00:27:24,247
Speaker 2: But the main premise is that William Shakespeare, the most

600
00:27:24,287 --> 00:27:25,567
Speaker 2: famous playwright whoever lived.

601
00:27:25,567 --> 00:27:27,487
Speaker 4: I'm familiar. Now are you familiar with his work?

602
00:27:27,487 --> 00:27:30,447
Speaker 2: I'm glad assume no knowledge. You never know did not

603
00:27:30,487 --> 00:27:33,247
Speaker 2: write his place. Now I know because I've read this

604
00:27:33,287 --> 00:27:35,767
Speaker 2: book and then did lots of googling. This is a

605
00:27:35,807 --> 00:27:39,447
Speaker 2: well established theory, right that there's a group of people

606
00:27:39,607 --> 00:27:43,367
Speaker 2: for hundreds of years who have believed that Shakespeare was

607
00:27:43,447 --> 00:27:47,327
Speaker 2: actually either a group of people or somebody else.

608
00:27:47,247 --> 00:27:50,847
Speaker 3: Entirely because he wrote in detail about places he'd never

609
00:27:50,927 --> 00:27:53,967
Speaker 3: been to, about all of these It's almost like he

610
00:27:54,087 --> 00:27:56,967
Speaker 3: was a publishing company who employed other authors like the

611
00:27:56,967 --> 00:27:57,847
Speaker 3: other people, to write his place.

612
00:27:57,967 --> 00:27:59,847
Speaker 2: There are a lot of people who do not subscribe

613
00:27:59,847 --> 00:28:01,887
Speaker 2: to this theory. It's worth saying, of course, there lots

614
00:28:01,887 --> 00:28:03,807
Speaker 2: of people who do believe he was a genius and

615
00:28:03,847 --> 00:28:06,887
Speaker 2: that he wrote all these plays. But the premise of

616
00:28:06,927 --> 00:28:09,527
Speaker 2: this book is that Shakespeare was really a woman, or

617
00:28:09,607 --> 00:28:12,247
Speaker 2: mostly a woman, a specific woman who is the first

618
00:28:12,247 --> 00:28:15,967
Speaker 2: published poet in Britain called Amelia Bassano. And it is

619
00:28:16,047 --> 00:28:18,927
Speaker 2: such an interesting novel because that might sound quite dry

620
00:28:18,967 --> 00:28:21,687
Speaker 2: on the surface of it, if you're not really interested

621
00:28:21,687 --> 00:28:23,887
Speaker 2: in whether or not Shakespeare road his plays. But what

622
00:28:23,967 --> 00:28:28,487
Speaker 2: it does so brilliantly is dives into a world where

623
00:28:28,527 --> 00:28:32,807
Speaker 2: women had no agency whatsoever. Right, So Amelia Bossano, as

624
00:28:32,847 --> 00:28:36,167
Speaker 2: a woman who was born sort of not wealthy, didn't

625
00:28:36,167 --> 00:28:38,047
Speaker 2: have status that meant she was going to marry some

626
00:28:38,487 --> 00:28:40,847
Speaker 2: high up aristocrat or whatever. So she got farmed out

627
00:28:40,967 --> 00:28:43,047
Speaker 2: very young. And this is a real person who did exist.

628
00:28:43,087 --> 00:28:45,327
Speaker 2: This is all true. Got farmed out very young to

629
00:28:45,367 --> 00:28:47,407
Speaker 2: be the mistress to a fancy guy, which is what

630
00:28:47,487 --> 00:28:49,887
Speaker 2: happened in those days, and you get kept and then

631
00:28:49,887 --> 00:28:52,207
Speaker 2: all these things happened to her. But really she is

632
00:28:52,287 --> 00:28:55,807
Speaker 2: this artist. It's so interesting because then of course Becao

633
00:28:56,087 --> 00:28:59,687
Speaker 2: overlays it with a current plotline about a female playwright

634
00:28:59,727 --> 00:29:02,247
Speaker 2: who also is finding it very hard to get any

635
00:29:02,687 --> 00:29:05,647
Speaker 2: credit in that world because female writers are overlooked. It's

636
00:29:05,807 --> 00:29:09,407
Speaker 2: really good, Like I just found the historical element. I

637
00:29:09,447 --> 00:29:11,287
Speaker 2: was page turning because I wanted to know what happened

638
00:29:11,287 --> 00:29:14,087
Speaker 2: to Amelia. It also blew my mind about this whole

639
00:29:14,087 --> 00:29:17,727
Speaker 2: idea that maybe Shakespeare wasn't Shakespeare, and also the stuff

640
00:29:17,847 --> 00:29:21,607
Speaker 2: about the current day playwright. I hadn't really considered that

641
00:29:21,647 --> 00:29:24,807
Speaker 2: there are still so few women in that area.

642
00:29:24,847 --> 00:29:26,967
Speaker 3: It's really smart and it got me in the hook

643
00:29:27,007 --> 00:29:29,527
Speaker 3: at the beginning. Is very very good. It's very pasty

644
00:29:29,767 --> 00:29:31,287
Speaker 3: by any other name, Jodi.

645
00:29:31,047 --> 00:29:35,167
Speaker 4: Pico, I am recommending a new Wish show on Binge

646
00:29:35,207 --> 00:29:37,927
Speaker 4: called Sweetpea. Actually, our CEO and Matt Harvey recommended it

647
00:29:37,967 --> 00:29:40,367
Speaker 4: to me, and she started talking about it to me

648
00:29:40,407 --> 00:29:42,127
Speaker 4: in a way that I should have known what it

649
00:29:42,247 --> 00:29:46,647
Speaker 4: was because entertainment podcast, and she's like, obviously, watching Sweetpea,

650
00:29:46,727 --> 00:29:49,727
Speaker 4: I need to reevaluate your job. So it's a dark

651
00:29:49,807 --> 00:29:52,687
Speaker 4: comedy that's set in the UK. It stars Ella Panell.

652
00:29:52,927 --> 00:29:56,047
Speaker 4: You might know from Yellow Jackets or Fallout if you've

653
00:29:56,047 --> 00:29:58,567
Speaker 4: watched any of those shows. A brilliant but.

654
00:29:58,527 --> 00:30:00,087
Speaker 2: I'm sure I would know her if I saw her.

655
00:30:00,367 --> 00:30:02,527
Speaker 3: Everyone else in the world has watched Yellow Jackets. Yeah,

656
00:30:02,527 --> 00:30:03,327
Speaker 3: it's true massive.

657
00:30:03,447 --> 00:30:05,807
Speaker 4: She's got like the biggest eyes ever. I think she's

658
00:30:05,807 --> 00:30:07,207
Speaker 4: going to be like the next Florence Pew.

659
00:30:07,407 --> 00:30:07,887
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

660
00:30:07,967 --> 00:30:11,447
Speaker 4: Yeah. So she plays this girl named Rihannon Lewis who

661
00:30:11,527 --> 00:30:15,087
Speaker 4: had an absolutely awful childhood, like relentlessly bullied, and it's

662
00:30:15,127 --> 00:30:17,687
Speaker 4: kind of like those bullying situations that just makes you

663
00:30:17,807 --> 00:30:20,087
Speaker 4: into an adult that you don't want to be. Like

664
00:30:20,167 --> 00:30:24,127
Speaker 4: everyone was walking over her metaphorically physically everyone's stepping over her,

665
00:30:24,167 --> 00:30:26,287
Speaker 4: and no one really likes her. They find it really weird.

666
00:30:26,687 --> 00:30:28,727
Speaker 4: So she makes a list of people that she hates

667
00:30:28,767 --> 00:30:30,647
Speaker 4: who has like kind of destroyed her life, and then

668
00:30:30,647 --> 00:30:38,767
Speaker 4: she starts killing them.

669
00:30:35,287 --> 00:30:40,287
Speaker 7: A lot of victim not anymore. You made me who

670
00:30:40,287 --> 00:30:41,247
Speaker 7: feel invisible.

671
00:30:41,727 --> 00:30:44,527
Speaker 2: You didn't exist to me then, and you don't now.

672
00:30:45,047 --> 00:30:51,007
Speaker 7: You ruined my life. I don't underestimate me.

673
00:30:55,567 --> 00:30:57,087
Speaker 3: She's not who you think she is.

674
00:30:59,047 --> 00:31:03,767
Speaker 4: Fun and after every kill, Jesse, it's actually quite it's

675
00:31:03,807 --> 00:31:06,807
Speaker 4: so funny. After every kill, she gets like this wave

676
00:31:07,007 --> 00:31:10,287
Speaker 4: of like self assurance and confidence, and she like is

677
00:31:10,327 --> 00:31:12,687
Speaker 4: better at her hair and makeup and she looks more

678
00:31:12,687 --> 00:31:16,807
Speaker 4: put together and everyone starts recognizing her and appreciating her.

679
00:31:16,887 --> 00:31:20,367
Speaker 4: It's so funny. It also has Jeremy Swift who played

680
00:31:20,447 --> 00:31:21,567
Speaker 4: Higgins in ted Lasso.

681
00:31:21,647 --> 00:31:22,367
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

682
00:31:22,367 --> 00:31:24,367
Speaker 4: He plays her boss. So she is like a reporter

683
00:31:24,527 --> 00:31:27,127
Speaker 4: and like it's just so good. It's called sweet Pea,

684
00:31:27,207 --> 00:31:28,767
Speaker 4: Sweet Pea on binge.

685
00:31:28,767 --> 00:31:29,927
Speaker 3: Aw that sounds good.

686
00:31:30,207 --> 00:31:33,127
Speaker 4: For links to all of our recommendations, make sure you

687
00:31:33,127 --> 00:31:35,647
Speaker 4: are signed up to the MMA mea out Loud newsletter.

688
00:31:35,687 --> 00:31:38,727
Speaker 4: I literally pour my heart and soul into it so.

689
00:31:38,927 --> 00:31:41,367
Speaker 3: Good single week. If you want to know what's going

690
00:31:41,407 --> 00:31:45,447
Speaker 3: on in EM's mind, it's put together the best in there.

691
00:31:45,447 --> 00:31:47,647
Speaker 4: And if you've already subscribed, share it with a friends

692
00:31:47,647 --> 00:31:49,607
Speaker 4: because they're gonna love it. You know they love it.

693
00:31:49,927 --> 00:31:51,807
Speaker 4: We will put a link to that in our show notes.

694
00:31:53,767 --> 00:31:57,767
Speaker 3: One unlimited out Loud access. We drop episodes every Tuesday

695
00:31:57,767 --> 00:32:01,967
Speaker 3: and Thursday exclusively for Mum and Maya subscribers. Follow the

696
00:32:02,047 --> 00:32:03,887
Speaker 3: link in the show notes to get us in your

697
00:32:03,927 --> 00:32:06,767
Speaker 3: ears five days a week. And a huge thank you

698
00:32:06,887 --> 00:32:21,567
Speaker 3: to all our current subscribers. In his time for our

699
00:32:21,647 --> 00:32:24,967
Speaker 3: best and worst of the week, Holly, let's start with

700
00:32:25,007 --> 00:32:25,447
Speaker 3: your worst.

701
00:32:26,887 --> 00:32:30,167
Speaker 2: My worst. I listened to the episode you did last

702
00:32:30,167 --> 00:32:33,247
Speaker 2: week when m was sick with Amelia where you talked

703
00:32:33,247 --> 00:32:36,327
Speaker 2: about canceling plans. That wasn't my worst. It was a

704
00:32:36,407 --> 00:32:38,567
Speaker 2: very good episode. Don't worry.

705
00:32:39,647 --> 00:32:41,407
Speaker 3: It was terrible. It was the worst thing to know.

706
00:32:41,567 --> 00:32:43,927
Speaker 2: I wantedn't at all, but I had to cancel a

707
00:32:43,967 --> 00:32:47,087
Speaker 2: plan this week for very sad reasons.

708
00:32:46,767 --> 00:32:47,367
Speaker 3: That I hated.

709
00:32:47,647 --> 00:32:51,247
Speaker 2: I hate canceling things that you people have been counting

710
00:32:51,287 --> 00:32:53,807
Speaker 2: on you. But I was meant to be today flying

711
00:32:53,807 --> 00:32:57,007
Speaker 2: to Perth actually to speak at a fiction festival. If

712
00:32:57,047 --> 00:32:59,047
Speaker 2: you were going to that, I'm sorry everybody, because I'm

713
00:32:59,047 --> 00:33:02,687
Speaker 2: not going. But I had to cancel because Brent's father's

714
00:33:02,727 --> 00:33:05,047
Speaker 2: really unwell in New Zealand and he's had to fly

715
00:33:05,247 --> 00:33:08,287
Speaker 2: to be with him. And it's one of those I've

716
00:33:08,287 --> 00:33:11,127
Speaker 2: talked about this often, one of those really shitty family

717
00:33:11,207 --> 00:33:13,807
Speaker 2: moments where living far from your family, whether it's in

718
00:33:13,847 --> 00:33:15,887
Speaker 2: New Zealand, whether it's in England, whether it's in another state,

719
00:33:15,927 --> 00:33:19,527
Speaker 2: whether it's in another city, it's just so difficult and

720
00:33:19,607 --> 00:33:24,767
Speaker 2: so emotionally, logistically mentally challenging all the time. And we've

721
00:33:24,807 --> 00:33:26,447
Speaker 2: just been on this amazing holiday which I'm about to

722
00:33:26,447 --> 00:33:28,167
Speaker 2: tell you about, but we're coming back and like being

723
00:33:28,167 --> 00:33:30,047
Speaker 2: slapped in the face with all that reality and then

724
00:33:30,487 --> 00:33:32,647
Speaker 2: having to cancel this important work thing I wanted to

725
00:33:32,687 --> 00:33:35,247
Speaker 2: do but for obviously very important reasons. That was definitely

726
00:33:35,287 --> 00:33:38,207
Speaker 2: my worst and my heart goes out to anyone who's

727
00:33:38,287 --> 00:33:43,487
Speaker 2: juggling all that stuff at the moment with elderly parents and.

728
00:33:43,487 --> 00:33:45,447
Speaker 3: As you say, when you can't go and visit, you

729
00:33:45,487 --> 00:33:46,647
Speaker 3: can't just get you. You can't.

730
00:33:46,727 --> 00:33:49,207
Speaker 2: And there are these terrible maths that everybody has to

731
00:33:49,327 --> 00:33:54,287
Speaker 2: do in this instant where you're like, we now do

732
00:33:54,327 --> 00:33:54,647
Speaker 2: I go?

733
00:33:54,767 --> 00:33:55,887
Speaker 3: Afterwards? Do I go?

734
00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:59,447
Speaker 2: And it's it's just awful. So you know it's Brent's worst,

735
00:33:59,487 --> 00:34:02,327
Speaker 2: no doubt. But also in terms of canceling plans, there

736
00:34:02,327 --> 00:34:04,727
Speaker 2: are really shitty reasons for doing it. And that's what

737
00:34:04,807 --> 00:34:07,007
Speaker 2: happened to me this week. So if you were going

738
00:34:07,167 --> 00:34:09,727
Speaker 2: to see me at the Perfection Festival this weekend, I

739
00:34:09,727 --> 00:34:11,767
Speaker 2: apologize for not being there. You won't miss me. There

740
00:34:11,767 --> 00:34:14,167
Speaker 2: are so many amazing riders on the panel I was

741
00:34:14,207 --> 00:34:16,247
Speaker 2: going to be on. But that's why I'm not my

742
00:34:16,407 --> 00:34:18,647
Speaker 2: best though, is that we have just been on the

743
00:34:18,647 --> 00:34:22,007
Speaker 2: most amazing family holiday for a week and we went

744
00:34:22,167 --> 00:34:25,247
Speaker 2: to a place called lord How Island, which some of

745
00:34:25,287 --> 00:34:27,567
Speaker 2: you might have heard of the people always saying, oh,

746
00:34:27,607 --> 00:34:29,887
Speaker 2: is it like a tropical land. It's actually officially in

747
00:34:29,967 --> 00:34:32,647
Speaker 2: New South Wales, even though it takes two hours to

748
00:34:32,687 --> 00:34:35,127
Speaker 2: fly there. It's right, little tiny dot in the middle

749
00:34:35,127 --> 00:34:35,967
Speaker 2: of the ocean.

750
00:34:35,727 --> 00:34:37,647
Speaker 4: And that's so wild because I've seen photos and I'm like,

751
00:34:37,647 --> 00:34:38,847
Speaker 4: it looks like you're in a different country.

752
00:34:38,927 --> 00:34:42,327
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, it is the most beautiful place. And I'll

753
00:34:42,367 --> 00:34:45,167
Speaker 2: share some photo. I haven't put any photos online yet,

754
00:34:45,207 --> 00:34:47,607
Speaker 2: but I'll share some photos maybe in the newsletterround here

755
00:34:47,607 --> 00:34:49,487
Speaker 2: if you want to please. And I'm sure I'll get

756
00:34:49,487 --> 00:34:51,927
Speaker 2: around to sharing some more later. But it's the most

757
00:34:51,927 --> 00:34:54,087
Speaker 2: perfect place. But the exciting thing one of the many

758
00:34:54,087 --> 00:34:56,287
Speaker 2: exciting things about lord How Island is it has no

759
00:34:56,367 --> 00:35:00,287
Speaker 2: mobile phone reception and no Wi Fi coverage. So there

760
00:35:00,327 --> 00:35:03,207
Speaker 2: are a couple of places on the island, some like

761
00:35:03,247 --> 00:35:04,967
Speaker 2: resorts and lodges, but not the one that we stay

762
00:35:04,967 --> 00:35:08,527
Speaker 2: at that has internet, but generally speaking, it doesn't. And

763
00:35:08,567 --> 00:35:10,567
Speaker 2: you can't call people and you can't text people, and

764
00:35:10,607 --> 00:35:14,487
Speaker 2: it's like it's very unplugged. So I made a decision

765
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:16,847
Speaker 2: to take advantage of this because life's busy and everything,

766
00:35:16,847 --> 00:35:19,727
Speaker 2: and I was like, I'm going to literally unplug for

767
00:35:19,767 --> 00:35:21,727
Speaker 2: a week and I'm only going to use my phone

768
00:35:21,767 --> 00:35:23,647
Speaker 2: as a camera. It's only allowed to be a camera.

769
00:35:23,687 --> 00:35:26,247
Speaker 2: And I went into a cafe and checked Wi Fi

770
00:35:26,287 --> 00:35:28,647
Speaker 2: like a couple of times. Obviously, check important things like

771
00:35:28,727 --> 00:35:31,647
Speaker 2: family stuff. As we were discussing about Brent, it was

772
00:35:31,687 --> 00:35:32,887
Speaker 2: a revelation.

773
00:35:32,647 --> 00:35:36,407
Speaker 3: Are you a different person? Are your mental illness is cured? Like,

774
00:35:36,887 --> 00:35:37,567
Speaker 3: please laborate.

775
00:35:37,607 --> 00:35:39,807
Speaker 2: Okay, here are some things you know that happen when

776
00:35:39,847 --> 00:35:42,847
Speaker 2: you're off Internet for a week, Particularly for me, who

777
00:35:43,007 --> 00:35:45,047
Speaker 2: lives a lot on social media for both professional and

778
00:35:45,047 --> 00:35:47,447
Speaker 2: personal reasons, out and say it's for professional reasons. But

779
00:35:47,527 --> 00:35:50,327
Speaker 2: come on, now, go on. There are a lot more

780
00:35:50,367 --> 00:35:52,527
Speaker 2: hours in the day when you are not scrolling on

781
00:35:52,567 --> 00:35:56,327
Speaker 2: your phone. There is literally a lot more time.

782
00:35:56,367 --> 00:35:57,967
Speaker 3: But what are you doing on Well.

783
00:35:57,767 --> 00:36:04,327
Speaker 2: You read a book, you go for a swim, you

784
00:36:04,367 --> 00:36:05,287
Speaker 2: do other things.

785
00:36:05,327 --> 00:36:08,007
Speaker 3: But like, I literally couldn't believe how long the day was.

786
00:36:08,207 --> 00:36:08,967
Speaker 3: It was amazing.

787
00:36:09,447 --> 00:36:11,607
Speaker 2: I'd wake up in the morning and be like, I'm

788
00:36:11,607 --> 00:36:13,687
Speaker 2: gonna lie in because I could, because my kids are

789
00:36:13,687 --> 00:36:15,687
Speaker 2: old enough now that you're like, I'm not like jumping

790
00:36:15,687 --> 00:36:17,407
Speaker 2: out of bed to other I'm going to lie in

791
00:36:17,407 --> 00:36:19,767
Speaker 2: bed until whatever time and finish this book that I'm

792
00:36:19,807 --> 00:36:22,607
Speaker 2: reading or whatever. And I don't have that constant pool

793
00:36:22,647 --> 00:36:25,127
Speaker 2: bigl in my head of like what's happening on Instagram?

794
00:36:25,167 --> 00:36:27,727
Speaker 2: What's happening on Like I didn't know so That was

795
00:36:27,727 --> 00:36:31,967
Speaker 2: one thing. Life is long. It's inconvenient because you can't

796
00:36:32,047 --> 00:36:35,087
Speaker 2: text your partner and go we're at the cafe, or

797
00:36:35,167 --> 00:36:37,167
Speaker 2: we're at the beach, or we're going to stay a

798
00:36:37,167 --> 00:36:40,607
Speaker 2: bit longer here. Everyone just has to accept show them somewhere.

799
00:36:42,367 --> 00:36:43,327
Speaker 3: Around, yeah, like.

800
00:36:43,327 --> 00:36:44,407
Speaker 2: I don't know they'll turn up.

801
00:36:44,607 --> 00:36:45,247
Speaker 5: That was that.

802
00:36:45,567 --> 00:36:46,487
Speaker 3: That was interesting.

803
00:36:47,327 --> 00:36:50,087
Speaker 2: Being cut off from the news cycle is good and

804
00:36:50,127 --> 00:36:54,247
Speaker 2: bad because you can genuinely live life as if all

805
00:36:54,287 --> 00:36:56,127
Speaker 2: the awful things that are happening in the world aren't

806
00:36:56,127 --> 00:36:58,527
Speaker 2: happening in the world. And that might be good for you,

807
00:36:58,607 --> 00:37:00,327
Speaker 2: but it's probably not good for the world, you know

808
00:37:00,367 --> 00:37:02,007
Speaker 2: what I mean, because we do probably need to know

809
00:37:02,047 --> 00:37:04,567
Speaker 2: what those things are. You know, My first instinct every

810
00:37:04,567 --> 00:37:08,247
Speaker 2: morning when I wake up is I check various news sites, Instagram,

811
00:37:08,367 --> 00:37:11,527
Speaker 2: my messages, WhatsApp, and I do that every morning.

812
00:37:11,367 --> 00:37:11,967
Speaker 3: Before I wake up.

813
00:37:12,327 --> 00:37:14,487
Speaker 2: The other disadvantage, though, is you know how I'm trying

814
00:37:14,487 --> 00:37:16,087
Speaker 2: to become a different person to meditate.

815
00:37:16,607 --> 00:37:18,007
Speaker 3: How do you meditate me out of fine?

816
00:37:18,047 --> 00:37:19,287
Speaker 2: This is the thing is that.

817
00:37:19,167 --> 00:37:19,527
Speaker 5: I was.

818
00:37:22,447 --> 00:37:24,327
Speaker 3: How do you spend time on your kna?

819
00:37:24,607 --> 00:37:26,487
Speaker 2: This is the thing is I was, like on the

820
00:37:26,527 --> 00:37:29,487
Speaker 2: first morning, because we're standing this lovely resort called Pine Trees.

821
00:37:29,527 --> 00:37:31,527
Speaker 2: It's so beautiful there. It's so peaceful. We have this

822
00:37:31,607 --> 00:37:33,287
Speaker 2: deck that was all greenery. I'm like, I'm going to

823
00:37:33,327 --> 00:37:34,727
Speaker 2: get up. I woke up early. I'm going to go

824
00:37:34,727 --> 00:37:36,047
Speaker 2: and sit out on the deck and I'm going to

825
00:37:36,127 --> 00:37:39,567
Speaker 2: do my meditation. Pulled out my app to pressure prepetation.

826
00:37:40,167 --> 00:37:43,127
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, I can't do that, Damn, what do

827
00:37:43,167 --> 00:37:43,407
Speaker 3: I do?

828
00:37:43,527 --> 00:37:44,087
Speaker 5: What do I do? Know?

829
00:37:44,167 --> 00:37:47,767
Speaker 3: I'm thinking to think and breathe and think and breathe.

830
00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:49,647
Speaker 2: And then so when I went to the cafe for

831
00:37:49,727 --> 00:37:54,287
Speaker 2: Wi Fi later that day, I downloaded like three meditations.

832
00:37:54,767 --> 00:37:58,087
Speaker 2: So anyway, I came back like a semi different person,

833
00:37:58,127 --> 00:38:00,607
Speaker 2: but not really. And then so I'm trying to change

834
00:38:00,607 --> 00:38:03,407
Speaker 2: my morning habit now because I'm like, do I need

835
00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:04,807
Speaker 2: to do that? The first thing I do when I

836
00:38:04,847 --> 00:38:05,967
Speaker 2: wake up scroll my phone?

837
00:38:06,287 --> 00:38:06,367
Speaker 5: No?

838
00:38:07,007 --> 00:38:08,887
Speaker 2: Well, it will the world end if I don't check

839
00:38:08,887 --> 00:38:11,847
Speaker 2: my mass just for another half an hour. No, So

840
00:38:11,887 --> 00:38:13,567
Speaker 2: I'm going to try and do that. But the best

841
00:38:13,767 --> 00:38:17,167
Speaker 2: was that amazing holiday in the amazing place and being unplugged.

842
00:38:17,247 --> 00:38:18,007
Speaker 5: It was great.

843
00:38:18,487 --> 00:38:20,847
Speaker 3: I want to go so badly. It was so beautiful.

844
00:38:20,847 --> 00:38:24,367
Speaker 2: We swim with turtles, we went hiking like it was just, oh,

845
00:38:24,487 --> 00:38:25,767
Speaker 2: so heaven wholesome.

846
00:38:26,247 --> 00:38:29,087
Speaker 3: All right, I'm going to go next my worst. It

847
00:38:29,127 --> 00:38:31,447
Speaker 3: was actually really scary. I was coming to work on

848
00:38:31,447 --> 00:38:35,127
Speaker 3: Monday morning and I was getting the train and I

849
00:38:35,247 --> 00:38:38,807
Speaker 3: was getting off at King's Cross station, which is right

850
00:38:38,807 --> 00:38:41,127
Speaker 3: near our work. I thought that as I was getting off,

851
00:38:41,207 --> 00:38:44,407
Speaker 3: someone sort of tripped over me, and I stopped and

852
00:38:44,447 --> 00:38:47,047
Speaker 3: looked up and this man who'd been standing near the

853
00:38:47,087 --> 00:38:51,287
Speaker 3: door had then fallen down all of the stairs on

854
00:38:51,327 --> 00:38:53,607
Speaker 3: the train imagine top cabin. Who was on the top

855
00:38:53,647 --> 00:38:55,687
Speaker 3: cabin bit had fallen all the way down and had

856
00:38:55,807 --> 00:38:57,607
Speaker 3: landed in a way I've never seen a human being

857
00:38:57,687 --> 00:39:00,647
Speaker 3: land no. And for a second I went, did I

858
00:39:00,647 --> 00:39:01,167
Speaker 3: trip him?

859
00:39:01,207 --> 00:39:01,287
Speaker 1: Like?

860
00:39:01,407 --> 00:39:02,927
Speaker 3: Was I so in my own head that I tripped him?

861
00:39:03,007 --> 00:39:04,447
Speaker 3: And then I saw the color of his face, and

862
00:39:04,447 --> 00:39:07,287
Speaker 3: I heard a few people At that stage. I was

863
00:39:07,287 --> 00:39:09,727
Speaker 3: standing between the doors to just be like, don't leave,

864
00:39:09,887 --> 00:39:12,127
Speaker 3: like we need to get paramedics or something on here.

865
00:39:12,567 --> 00:39:15,647
Speaker 3: But someone said, he's fainted. He's fainted, and he had collapsed.

866
00:39:15,647 --> 00:39:18,767
Speaker 3: He'd been standing there and he'd collapsed down the stairs

867
00:39:18,767 --> 00:39:21,967
Speaker 3: and he was still unconscious. It was so horrific to

868
00:39:22,007 --> 00:39:24,727
Speaker 3: be that close to it. But also you like to

869
00:39:24,727 --> 00:39:27,527
Speaker 3: think that in that situation, you'd be a hero. And

870
00:39:27,607 --> 00:39:30,887
Speaker 3: I felt a little bit frozen, and I stood in

871
00:39:30,927 --> 00:39:34,287
Speaker 3: between the doors and I signaled for the person on

872
00:39:34,687 --> 00:39:36,687
Speaker 3: the train, just kind of like can you come over?

873
00:39:36,727 --> 00:39:38,287
Speaker 3: Can you come over? And I don't think they realized

874
00:39:38,327 --> 00:39:40,727
Speaker 3: what was going on, And then I had that moment

875
00:39:40,727 --> 00:39:42,687
Speaker 3: of do I call the ambulance or is that more

876
00:39:42,727 --> 00:39:44,847
Speaker 3: confusing because he was on a walkie talkie and it

877
00:39:44,927 --> 00:39:47,927
Speaker 3: was just there were all these people around. I mean,

878
00:39:48,127 --> 00:39:50,487
Speaker 3: what was great was that there were people that definitely

879
00:39:50,567 --> 00:39:53,127
Speaker 3: knew what to do, that knew not to move him.

880
00:39:53,207 --> 00:39:55,727
Speaker 3: This lovely woman just held his hand and just went

881
00:39:55,767 --> 00:39:59,287
Speaker 3: you're okay, You're okay, and was so comforting. And I've

882
00:39:59,327 --> 00:40:01,287
Speaker 3: been the person who was fainted in public before, and

883
00:40:01,567 --> 00:40:05,607
Speaker 3: when you come to it is fucking terrifying because you're like,

884
00:40:05,687 --> 00:40:09,927
Speaker 3: where am I, What's happened? You're embarrassed and something had

885
00:40:10,207 --> 00:40:13,927
Speaker 3: like he looked incredibly UNWELM. But yeah, just that moment

886
00:40:13,927 --> 00:40:16,527
Speaker 3: of going, oh my goodness, says have I done something?

887
00:40:16,647 --> 00:40:20,407
Speaker 3: And also not knowing what your role is in that. Yeah,

888
00:40:20,447 --> 00:40:21,327
Speaker 3: it is a situation.

889
00:40:21,527 --> 00:40:24,727
Speaker 2: It's interesting because you probably have the same thing too,

890
00:40:24,807 --> 00:40:26,647
Speaker 2: that that happened to me not that long ago at

891
00:40:26,687 --> 00:40:29,047
Speaker 2: the train station when a man collapsed and a lot

892
00:40:29,047 --> 00:40:31,207
Speaker 2: of people were helping him. And so then you think

893
00:40:31,247 --> 00:40:33,207
Speaker 2: if I try and help too, If I try, and

894
00:40:33,647 --> 00:40:36,087
Speaker 2: I'm just going to make things more confusing. But then

895
00:40:36,127 --> 00:40:38,687
Speaker 2: you're like, but do I really just walk past exactly?

896
00:40:39,007 --> 00:40:40,767
Speaker 2: And am I a bad person if I walk past?

897
00:40:40,847 --> 00:40:42,167
Speaker 2: Or am I a bad person if I try and

898
00:40:42,207 --> 00:40:44,407
Speaker 2: get involved? And like what if somebody doesn't have a phone,

899
00:40:44,407 --> 00:40:47,767
Speaker 2: And then you remember everybody's got a phone and it's yeazing.

900
00:40:47,287 --> 00:40:49,607
Speaker 3: Yeah, you sort of don't know what to do. It

901
00:40:49,687 --> 00:40:52,167
Speaker 3: was really really confronting. And now I can't stop thinking

902
00:40:52,207 --> 00:40:54,967
Speaker 3: about that man, and you never get to check. Yeah,

903
00:40:55,007 --> 00:40:56,367
Speaker 3: you never get to go back and go, hey, was

904
00:40:56,367 --> 00:40:58,447
Speaker 3: that man all right? Because I haven't stoped thinking about

905
00:40:58,527 --> 00:41:00,607
Speaker 3: him since Monday. So that was that was really scary.

906
00:41:01,407 --> 00:41:06,287
Speaker 3: My best of the week was last week I hosted

907
00:41:06,487 --> 00:41:09,247
Speaker 3: Zoe Foster Blake's book launch. She's written this new book

908
00:41:09,367 --> 00:41:11,807
Speaker 3: called Things Will Come Down Soon. It is fantastic. It

909
00:41:11,887 --> 00:41:14,887
Speaker 3: is about female founders and the world a female business.

910
00:41:15,167 --> 00:41:18,487
Speaker 3: Really interesting, and so I went and hosted this and

911
00:41:18,527 --> 00:41:20,967
Speaker 3: I'd had a really rough day at work and was

912
00:41:21,127 --> 00:41:23,167
Speaker 3: just you know when you don't fill in the right

913
00:41:23,167 --> 00:41:25,407
Speaker 3: head space to do something you're looking forward to because

914
00:41:25,407 --> 00:41:27,807
Speaker 3: you just kind of in the car. I kept trying

915
00:41:27,847 --> 00:41:29,967
Speaker 3: to take the deep breaths and be like, Okay, come

916
00:41:30,007 --> 00:41:33,007
Speaker 3: yourself down, get into it. And look, I knew I

917
00:41:33,047 --> 00:41:36,527
Speaker 3: was prepared. And you know with those events that they're

918
00:41:36,567 --> 00:41:38,527
Speaker 3: not about you, about how important they are to the

919
00:41:38,527 --> 00:41:41,447
Speaker 3: person you're hosting it for. And it was at Bondai Pavilion.

920
00:41:41,487 --> 00:41:42,927
Speaker 3: It was a big deal. I was like, I want

921
00:41:42,927 --> 00:41:45,967
Speaker 3: to do a good job, so tried really hard, and

922
00:41:46,007 --> 00:41:48,727
Speaker 3: then when we walked off, you know, people were like,

923
00:41:48,767 --> 00:41:50,647
Speaker 3: good job, good job. But you go you know they

924
00:41:50,687 --> 00:41:52,367
Speaker 3: have to say everyone has to say good job, and

925
00:41:52,367 --> 00:41:53,847
Speaker 3: then you kind of go home and you wonder if

926
00:41:53,847 --> 00:41:55,367
Speaker 3: you did do a good job. But as I was

927
00:41:55,367 --> 00:41:58,767
Speaker 3: walking out, this woman came over to me, who works

928
00:41:58,807 --> 00:42:01,767
Speaker 3: at this venue and said, I'm here for a lot

929
00:42:01,767 --> 00:42:03,527
Speaker 3: of these. We do these all the time. And that

930
00:42:03,727 --> 00:42:05,207
Speaker 3: was brilliant, like I want to let you know what

931
00:42:05,247 --> 00:42:06,567
Speaker 3: a good job you did, and she looked me in

932
00:42:06,647 --> 00:42:12,127
Speaker 3: the eye and it was so like genuine and I

933
00:42:12,247 --> 00:42:14,327
Speaker 3: never feel it when people say lovely things like that.

934
00:42:14,367 --> 00:42:17,527
Speaker 3: And I walked out going, oh, I actually feel like

935
00:42:17,567 --> 00:42:20,087
Speaker 3: I did a really good job today, And I thought

936
00:42:20,447 --> 00:42:23,327
Speaker 3: that is such a reminder that I don't do it

937
00:42:23,447 --> 00:42:26,967
Speaker 3: enough where it's like you're barista or the chef when

938
00:42:27,007 --> 00:42:28,407
Speaker 3: you're out in public and you see someone do a

939
00:42:28,447 --> 00:42:30,367
Speaker 3: great job at something and you go, oh, they probably

940
00:42:30,447 --> 00:42:33,807
Speaker 3: just know. This woman just really took her time to

941
00:42:33,887 --> 00:42:36,527
Speaker 3: tell me. And I haven't stopped think about it all week.

942
00:42:36,527 --> 00:42:38,407
Speaker 3: Where I was like, oh, I don't know, it actually

943
00:42:38,447 --> 00:42:41,127
Speaker 3: made me feel proud. So now I'm like committing to

944
00:42:41,167 --> 00:42:43,567
Speaker 3: going I'm gonna do better at time people when they've

945
00:42:43,727 --> 00:42:44,567
Speaker 3: done a good job at time.

946
00:42:44,607 --> 00:42:47,407
Speaker 4: Its me of like telling people like compliment them more

947
00:42:48,207 --> 00:42:49,727
Speaker 4: if you don't really know them and stuff. If you

948
00:42:49,767 --> 00:42:52,327
Speaker 4: genuinely think something's good that they don't like, say it.

949
00:42:52,447 --> 00:42:55,607
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly right, it'll totally like change their week. M

950
00:42:55,727 --> 00:42:56,607
Speaker 3: what was your worst?

951
00:42:56,927 --> 00:43:00,407
Speaker 4: Okay, my worst was but trivial. But I was on

952
00:43:00,447 --> 00:43:02,487
Speaker 4: a date with a guy. We went for a walk

953
00:43:02,727 --> 00:43:05,367
Speaker 4: in a park. We were probably out in this public

954
00:43:05,407 --> 00:43:08,207
Speaker 4: park for about an hour and then we went back

955
00:43:08,207 --> 00:43:09,927
Speaker 4: to mind and we were kind of just lounging about

956
00:43:10,007 --> 00:43:12,567
Speaker 4: and I was lying down and he put his hand

957
00:43:12,607 --> 00:43:15,607
Speaker 4: on my arm and was like and you've got your period.

958
00:43:16,007 --> 00:43:18,807
Speaker 4: And I was like no, what and it was like

959
00:43:18,847 --> 00:43:20,487
Speaker 4: a week early and I'm like what, Like I was

960
00:43:20,567 --> 00:43:22,727
Speaker 4: genuinely confused. And then he looked down and I looked down,

961
00:43:23,127 --> 00:43:27,767
Speaker 4: bled through like my light blue linen pants, like complete what?

962
00:43:28,167 --> 00:43:30,847
Speaker 2: Okay, back up, back up, I have questions. Me isn't here,

963
00:43:30,887 --> 00:43:33,927
Speaker 2: so I have to step into the inappropriate question role here?

964
00:43:34,647 --> 00:43:35,167
Speaker 2: What number?

965
00:43:35,247 --> 00:43:35,447
Speaker 5: Date?

966
00:43:35,647 --> 00:43:38,447
Speaker 3: Second date? Do we like him?

967
00:43:38,487 --> 00:43:38,967
Speaker 4: Unclear?

968
00:43:39,367 --> 00:43:40,647
Speaker 3: It is good second date?

969
00:43:41,207 --> 00:43:43,047
Speaker 2: Yeah, but like you know whether or not you feel

970
00:43:43,087 --> 00:43:44,727
Speaker 2: comfortable with him, do you?

971
00:43:45,487 --> 00:43:48,567
Speaker 4: I was not comfortable in that moment right now?

972
00:43:49,327 --> 00:43:52,607
Speaker 2: Was the way he said it like off putting because

973
00:43:52,647 --> 00:43:54,767
Speaker 2: he was like judging about it or was he being

974
00:43:54,847 --> 00:43:55,407
Speaker 2: number about it?

975
00:43:55,447 --> 00:43:57,207
Speaker 4: He was very cool about it, as like he was

976
00:43:57,247 --> 00:43:57,927
Speaker 4: just a normal person.

977
00:43:57,927 --> 00:44:00,607
Speaker 2: He wasn't like going no, no, no period. We still

978
00:44:00,607 --> 00:44:02,687
Speaker 2: continued the date, so I just like changed, but it

979
00:44:02,807 --> 00:44:05,007
Speaker 2: were just one of those moments where I don't think

980
00:44:05,047 --> 00:44:07,007
Speaker 2: I bled through my pants since.

981
00:44:06,807 --> 00:44:08,567
Speaker 3: I was sixty right, how annoyed.

982
00:44:08,607 --> 00:44:10,887
Speaker 4: I don't know how it happened, and I don't know

983
00:44:10,927 --> 00:44:12,327
Speaker 4: why this man was there.

984
00:44:12,527 --> 00:44:14,567
Speaker 3: I think I know what happened. I think we've started thinking.

985
00:44:15,127 --> 00:44:17,927
Speaker 3: I think I might have scritty period because I recently

986
00:44:18,367 --> 00:44:20,007
Speaker 3: and I feel like I might be pulling you in

987
00:44:20,007 --> 00:44:20,487
Speaker 3: my direction.

988
00:44:20,847 --> 00:44:22,207
Speaker 4: I was going to blame it on the moon, so

989
00:44:22,207 --> 00:44:24,007
Speaker 4: now I'm going to blame on you because I feel better.

990
00:44:24,167 --> 00:44:26,287
Speaker 4: But it was also just like me thinking about, oh

991
00:44:26,367 --> 00:44:27,647
Speaker 4: my god, I was free bleeding in front of all

992
00:44:27,687 --> 00:44:31,567
Speaker 4: these children in the path. Sell deal, fine, But it

993
00:44:31,607 --> 00:44:33,567
Speaker 4: was just one of those second date things where like

994
00:44:33,567 --> 00:44:35,287
Speaker 4: you're not meant to see that side of me yet,

995
00:44:35,647 --> 00:44:36,727
Speaker 4: Like that's not meant to happen.

996
00:44:36,807 --> 00:44:40,087
Speaker 3: Everyrom come that would definitely speed up.

997
00:44:40,327 --> 00:44:43,367
Speaker 2: It would be intimacy. You two would now be bonded.

998
00:44:43,647 --> 00:44:47,327
Speaker 3: Think how did you deal with it? You act?

999
00:44:47,727 --> 00:44:50,767
Speaker 4: So I originally wanted to say this never happens, because

1000
00:44:50,767 --> 00:44:51,487
Speaker 4: that's what.

1001
00:44:52,407 --> 00:44:53,927
Speaker 3: It sounds like, happens all the time.

1002
00:44:55,327 --> 00:44:58,247
Speaker 4: Year old woman doesn't how to handle a period even

1003
00:44:58,287 --> 00:45:00,367
Speaker 4: though it doesn't happen all the time. So I was

1004
00:45:00,447 --> 00:45:02,567
Speaker 4: just more like, oh my god, everyone would have seen

1005
00:45:02,607 --> 00:45:03,807
Speaker 4: in the park, and he was like, no one would

1006
00:45:03,807 --> 00:45:05,247
Speaker 4: have seen it. I was only looking at you. No

1007
00:45:05,247 --> 00:45:07,367
Speaker 4: one else was looking. It's fine. So I was like okay.

1008
00:45:07,407 --> 00:45:10,207
Speaker 4: So he was like reassuring me, but I was just like,

1009
00:45:10,527 --> 00:45:11,447
Speaker 4: this is the worst.

1010
00:45:11,607 --> 00:45:13,087
Speaker 3: And then I was like off and and I was like.

1011
00:45:13,047 --> 00:45:15,207
Speaker 4: I just really want you to leave my I have

1012
00:45:15,247 --> 00:45:16,407
Speaker 4: more questions about the date.

1013
00:45:16,847 --> 00:45:19,727
Speaker 2: Okay, so the date consists of walk back to your

1014
00:45:19,767 --> 00:45:22,087
Speaker 2: place like coffee cuddle.

1015
00:45:22,167 --> 00:45:25,967
Speaker 4: Okay, so the date was the night before. Oh, you're right.

1016
00:45:26,607 --> 00:45:31,767
Speaker 3: And this was like the second phase, all right. I

1017
00:45:31,807 --> 00:45:33,447
Speaker 3: had to I was like, so we're back in your

1018
00:45:33,447 --> 00:45:33,847
Speaker 3: place and.

1019
00:45:33,807 --> 00:45:34,647
Speaker 4: What are we doing there?

1020
00:45:34,967 --> 00:45:37,727
Speaker 3: So I told you, yeah.

1021
00:45:37,607 --> 00:45:40,047
Speaker 4: I do too, and I was like bleeding out.

1022
00:45:40,487 --> 00:45:45,167
Speaker 3: But I would would have waited for you to notice yeah, and.

1023
00:45:45,167 --> 00:45:47,847
Speaker 2: The guy who wasn't so evolved would just be embarrassed

1024
00:45:47,847 --> 00:45:49,567
Speaker 2: and make an excuse and leave. Is there going to

1025
00:45:49,607 --> 00:45:52,047
Speaker 2: be a third date? I'm sure yes? Okay, unclear. I

1026
00:45:52,447 --> 00:45:54,967
Speaker 2: will allow you to rest on that. Thank you so much.

1027
00:45:55,007 --> 00:45:58,007
Speaker 2: I appreciate my best. And I'm sad that me and

1028
00:45:58,047 --> 00:45:59,967
Speaker 2: Friedman's not here to hear this, because you would love this.

1029
00:46:00,167 --> 00:46:02,647
Speaker 2: Was I was sick last week. I was really sick.

1030
00:46:02,687 --> 00:46:04,967
Speaker 2: I promise, I knew you must have been really sick.

1031
00:46:05,007 --> 00:46:08,007
Speaker 2: I was really sick to have missed filling in for me.

1032
00:46:08,167 --> 00:46:09,887
Speaker 3: I would have wanted to do this out loud.

1033
00:46:09,967 --> 00:46:13,247
Speaker 4: I missed the spill. I had a strep throat and

1034
00:46:13,287 --> 00:46:15,247
Speaker 4: it was like one of those situations where I was like,

1035
00:46:15,247 --> 00:46:18,447
Speaker 4: I physically can't do my job with this type of illness.

1036
00:46:18,607 --> 00:46:22,007
Speaker 4: And it was also a sickness where I felt perfectly

1037
00:46:22,087 --> 00:46:24,647
Speaker 4: fine and I was just really upset with myself because

1038
00:46:24,687 --> 00:46:26,847
Speaker 4: you couldn't speak, because I couldn't speak, and like everything

1039
00:46:26,887 --> 00:46:28,607
Speaker 4: was hurting. I couldn't even drink water because it was

1040
00:46:28,647 --> 00:46:30,567
Speaker 4: like hurting to swallow. So I was just like doing

1041
00:46:30,607 --> 00:46:35,367
Speaker 4: nothing basically, And then when I came to work on Monday,

1042
00:46:35,607 --> 00:46:39,327
Speaker 4: I was like, I love being here, Like everything about

1043
00:46:39,327 --> 00:46:42,407
Speaker 4: being here is so good. Like I can talk, I

1044
00:46:42,447 --> 00:46:45,487
Speaker 4: can write, I can like do the scripting, I can

1045
00:46:45,567 --> 00:46:48,207
Speaker 4: jam with my friends, and I'm like work is actually

1046
00:46:48,287 --> 00:46:48,847
Speaker 4: quite fun.

1047
00:46:49,247 --> 00:46:51,407
Speaker 3: How long did that last? And was it less than

1048
00:46:51,447 --> 00:46:54,367
Speaker 3: an hour? I'm already off it, but I would love it.

1049
00:46:56,127 --> 00:46:58,247
Speaker 3: And you liked your job for a day.

1050
00:46:59,247 --> 00:47:00,247
Speaker 4: I know you like the job.

1051
00:47:00,487 --> 00:47:03,447
Speaker 3: I do like my job out louders. If you are

1052
00:47:03,527 --> 00:47:07,047
Speaker 3: following the US presidential election, which is very fast approaching,

1053
00:47:07,327 --> 00:47:09,247
Speaker 3: then you will have heard us talk about us scribe

1054
00:47:09,447 --> 00:47:13,207
Speaker 3: bar episodes with Amelia Lester. We did such a fun

1055
00:47:13,247 --> 00:47:16,407
Speaker 3: one this week, Holly, Amelia and I where we opened

1056
00:47:16,407 --> 00:47:19,887
Speaker 3: the floor to all of your questions and Amelia answer

1057
00:47:19,967 --> 00:47:22,727
Speaker 3: them fascinating. Will pop a link in the show notes.

1058
00:47:23,087 --> 00:47:25,407
Speaker 2: That is all we have time for today. Out loud As,

1059
00:47:25,447 --> 00:47:27,487
Speaker 2: a massive thank you to all of you for being

1060
00:47:27,527 --> 00:47:29,087
Speaker 2: with us all week, and a big thank you to

1061
00:47:29,127 --> 00:47:31,287
Speaker 2: you and Vernon. Thank you for filling in for me.

1062
00:47:31,527 --> 00:47:34,367
Speaker 2: It has been a pleasure to have you around. And

1063
00:47:34,447 --> 00:47:37,087
Speaker 2: of course a big thank you to our team Executive

1064
00:47:37,087 --> 00:47:40,447
Speaker 2: producer Ruth Devine, who thinks that secrets are an advantage

1065
00:47:40,567 --> 00:47:43,647
Speaker 2: so you can keep your partner on their toes. Our

1066
00:47:43,687 --> 00:47:46,847
Speaker 2: senior producer is Emmeline Gazillis, and she is a vault

1067
00:47:47,127 --> 00:47:49,367
Speaker 2: who will keep your secrets sacred.

1068
00:47:49,447 --> 00:47:52,207
Speaker 3: I believe that she keeps out sacred sacred, that's for sure.

1069
00:47:52,527 --> 00:47:55,727
Speaker 2: Our audio producer is Leah Porge's and she has no secrets.

1070
00:47:55,727 --> 00:47:58,887
Speaker 2: That's true, she has no secrets. And our social media

1071
00:47:58,927 --> 00:48:02,007
Speaker 2: producer is Isabelle Dolphin, who operates.

1072
00:48:01,527 --> 00:48:03,967
Speaker 3: On a need to know basis. She is an international

1073
00:48:04,007 --> 00:48:06,447
Speaker 3: woman of mystery. I always think that about Dolph.

1074
00:48:06,727 --> 00:48:08,367
Speaker 2: Definitely a woman of mystery.

1075
00:48:08,607 --> 00:48:09,447
Speaker 3: Thank you eloud Us.

1076
00:48:09,487 --> 00:48:10,327
Speaker 2: We'll see you next week.

1077
00:48:10,367 --> 00:48:11,927
Speaker 3: Goodbye, bye Sea.

1078
00:48:12,967 --> 00:48:15,847
Speaker 2: Shout out to any Mamma Mia subscribers listening. If you

1079
00:48:16,007 --> 00:48:18,887
Speaker 2: love the show and you want to support us. Subscribing

1080
00:48:18,887 --> 00:48:21,327
Speaker 2: to Mamma Mia is the very best way to do it.

1081
00:48:21,527 --> 00:48:23,407
Speaker 2: There's a link in the episode description