Speaker 1: So you're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to Canceled,
Speaker 2: The Lazy Girl's Guide to bizarre celebrity cancelations. I'm Jesse
Speaker 2: Stevens and I'm Claire Stephens. Happy twenty twenty five. We
Speaker 2: hope you are enjoying this summer. If you're in Australia,
Speaker 2: it's usually the time we all relaxed. But for some reasons,
Speaker 2: we don't relax very often here. Never not The lazy
Speaker 2: girls are never getting all of that. Well, no, we're
Speaker 2: being the opposite of lazy this time of year. Okay,
Speaker 2: because what we're going to do is we're going to
Speaker 2: give our listeners something we're calling Mama MIA's Hot Pod Summer. Well,
Speaker 2: thank you Rose. What's the weather like out there?
Speaker 3: It's hot, damn hot, really hot. Heart of this is
Speaker 3: my short I can cook things in it that'll crash.
Speaker 3: What cooked.
Speaker 2: We're giving you our favorite moments from Canceled this year,
Speaker 2: including our episode on Benefit the relationship that was made
Speaker 2: up of too much content, joej Sewa, who really pissed
Speaker 2: off the Internet, and Emily Blunt and those Divorced.
Speaker 1: Rumors with John Krasinski.
Speaker 2: And on top of that, all podcasts at My Maya
Speaker 2: have brand new episodes dropping about the topics we couldn't
Speaker 2: stop talking about this year, all curated especially for you. Today,
Speaker 2: we need to talk about Seventh Heaven. If you don't
Speaker 2: know what that is, and you're five years old, and
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be listening, because we say the effort sometimes
Speaker 2: and your mum will get you in trouble. We're recanceling
Speaker 2: the TV show Seventh Heaven aka The Bible Rewritten for
Speaker 2: Fox eight. So whether you sat through random marathons on
Speaker 2: Saturdays or have never watched an episode, we are here
Speaker 2: to prove to you how truly cooked this show was,
Speaker 2: and of course assigned charges and sentences. We asked some
Speaker 2: very important questions like should a teenager go to jail
Speaker 2: over stealing a single drinking glass?
Speaker 1: Should siblings hook up?
Speaker 2: Yes or no? That comes up weirdly often it does,
Speaker 2: along with many other insane storylines from this show. Enjoy
Speaker 2: craziest storylines, Jesse, You've already mentioned this. When Mary wants
Speaker 2: kissing lessons, so practices on her brother Matt. The interesting
Speaker 2: thing about this is that it was the first episode
Speaker 2: of the whole show, and I think this, you know,
Speaker 2: how you're in a you and I have done a
Speaker 2: writer's room recently, and we've talked about this with writing,
Speaker 2: where you're like, is this a thing? Right, Like you're
Speaker 2: kind of in a room you're spitballing and you're like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know when you had one recently about tampons and
Speaker 2: where you put them and blah blah blah, and you go,
Speaker 2: you know when you do this and everyone's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: you just know. In the writer's room, everyone's like, hey,
Speaker 2: when you just start olding up with your brother because
Speaker 2: you want to get practiced, and someone was like, looh,
Speaker 2: it's illegal. That's not the vibe. So Matt and Mary
Speaker 2: are in the backyard and Mary.
Speaker 1: Sexual kind I know it was episode one, but that
Speaker 1: was sexual chemistry. Mary asks Matt, so, do I touch
Speaker 1: his face with my hands?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: Look, if anybody touch his face, he touches your face.
Speaker 1: Maybe he doesn't look.
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Do we have to do this?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: So just stand still? Okay, So I close my eyes.
Speaker 2: Then Mary's like, okay, so I close my eyes and
Speaker 2: she kind of purses her lips and leans in to
Speaker 2: kiss him. Meanwhile, Reverend Eric has just walked out to
Speaker 2: put the rubbish out and he makes eye contact with Matt.
Speaker 1: Oh, dad, this is what it looks like.
Speaker 2: That's relieve and then there's like sick and the scene
Speaker 2: is over. But that's not the only instance a sexual tension.
Speaker 1: This is one of those things that you watch and
Speaker 1: you go, I don't want to be a parent. I
Speaker 1: don't want to I want to deal with that.
Speaker 2: I don't want to walk inside and be like, how
Speaker 2: do I come on now? Now, I've just got this
Speaker 2: thing on my list, deal with my kids hooking up.
Speaker 2: That wasn't in the fucking brochure. That wasn't the only
Speaker 2: instance of sexual tension between the siblings. Later on in
Speaker 2: the series, both Mary and Lucy want to go to
Speaker 2: prom with Matt, and it's.
Speaker 1: Just really odd.
Speaker 2: It's really weird because and I think it's honestly like, yeah,
Speaker 2: he's hot, he's your brother. And then when Lucy goes
Speaker 2: into labor, Matt is there and he's a doctor, okay,
Speaker 2: but Lucy generalist or ob or I think he's like
Speaker 2: still training at this point, all right, But Lucy's husband,
Speaker 2: Kevin is like, don't look at her.
Speaker 3: You better not be looking at my wife. Kevin. I'm
Speaker 3: a doctor.
Speaker 1: You're her brother, but I'm a doctor.
Speaker 3: I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.
Speaker 2: What do you not want anyone to look at her
Speaker 2: vagina while she's giving birth?
Speaker 1: Is that it because someone.
Speaker 3: Has to?
Speaker 2: Is it weird if it's a brother.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the stranger things have happened.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: I've spoken to people who are doctors who deliver babies,
Speaker 2: and I have asked a question to them and their sibling,
Speaker 2: and I've said, would you want to deliver her baby
Speaker 2: or whatever?
Speaker 1: And often they say no, I wouldn't want to. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't too close. Too close. So again, it is Matt
Speaker 1: being a creep. It is he's like, no, show me
Speaker 1: a bad come salivating, Come on, Jesse.
Speaker 2: When Matt doesn't steal a glass and ends up in court, Okay,
Speaker 2: Mary goes to a diner and she steals a glass.
Speaker 1: It's water glass.
Speaker 2: Do you remember when we were kids the amount of
Speaker 2: glasses that were in our cupboard That do in the
Speaker 2: long term, I swear every time we went to a
Speaker 2: bowling club or an arasl or anything.
Speaker 1: It just somehow, I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Like mum was like packing her children to bags and
Speaker 2: just picked up like a four play. Yeah, so she
Speaker 2: steals the glass to try to impress her basketball friends.
Speaker 1: But I don't think it's cool.
Speaker 2: Obviously. Reverend Campden finds it, yeah, and he's like tut tut,
Speaker 2: who stole the glass?
Speaker 1: So relatable in terms of adolescent issues.
Speaker 2: And Matt takes the blame, which is odd, but I
Speaker 2: think he's like trying to flirt with Mary. And Eric
Speaker 2: is like, okay, we'll go back and tell them you
Speaker 2: stole it and return it. So Matt does and then
Speaker 2: decides to press chart.
Speaker 3: An apology unaccepted. That's right, unaccepted. I'm pressing charges.
Speaker 2: Jesse.
Speaker 1: Matt goes to jail.
Speaker 2: He goes to jail class, that's not how the law work.
Speaker 2: And then he's at the trial. Matt could go to
Speaker 2: school at the open fire, and he want to go
Speaker 2: to jail, like this is America. So then he goes
Speaker 2: to trial.
Speaker 1: Because if you wouldn't go to trial.
Speaker 2: One thing courts takes seriously, it's teenage es. Actually when
Speaker 2: you're a white Christian that they took one look at
Speaker 2: Matt and when you're tru no, no, But then all
Speaker 2: these other students march in with other things they've stolen
Speaker 2: from diners, your runner.
Speaker 3: They're all a bunch of little thieves. I'm pressing charges.
Speaker 3: I want them all in jail.
Speaker 2: And the sentiment is like, judge, you're gonna arrest all
Speaker 2: of us.
Speaker 1: And the judge is like, absolutely not.
Speaker 2: How the law works, do not? I know that's how
Speaker 2: we think the law works. But if you are on
Speaker 2: trial for hitting someone like a hit and run, and
Speaker 2: I walk in and go I did a hit and runner,
Speaker 2: you're gonna arrest both of us. Yes, yes, but you're separate.
Speaker 2: You're separate, but thank you for handing yourself in there.
Speaker 2: So yeah, base, the moral of the story is you
Speaker 2: will get arrested for stealing one one time, which confirms
Speaker 2: the theory I have as of now that Seventh Heaven
Speaker 2: was like an updated Bible. Oh my god, yes, so
Speaker 2: there's like Old Testament, New Testament, seventh Heaven Testament and
Speaker 2: seventh Heaven. Everything was like a parable or so shall
Speaker 2: not steal a glass room?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah?
Speaker 2: And what happens and like Reverend is God and it
Speaker 2: comes in and it's basically like, how do we teach
Speaker 2: a new generation of Americans.
Speaker 1: The Bible sinning.
Speaker 2: Well, there's a lot of parables. Okay. Next craziest storyline,
Speaker 2: Simon finds a homeless girl. Simon brings home a homeless
Speaker 2: girl and literally yells.
Speaker 1: Hey, look what I've found. Can I keep her? Can
Speaker 1: I keep her? I keep her?
Speaker 2: She has the worst makeup I've ever seen to try
Speaker 2: and make her look dirty.
Speaker 1: It's like a little bit of bronze up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they clean her up, and then Simon and Ruthie
Speaker 2: have a fight about who gets to own her.
Speaker 1: Slaves are illegal because she's right here. Okay.
Speaker 2: Simon literally starts training her like a dog with treats.
Speaker 2: Then Reverend Camden in a parallel storyline that you forgot
Speaker 2: to mention Happy Oh yeah, sorry, Happy the dog played
Speaker 2: by Happy Happy the dog. That's what I always remember
Speaker 2: from the storyline. We get to happy Happy Happy often
Speaker 2: drives plot forward.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: Reverend Camden somehow he always joins the police force, but
Speaker 2: like incidentally, so all of a sudden he has access
Speaker 2: to missing persons files. Okay, and he's at the police station. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just in his spare time. And this man is a
Speaker 2: trusted member of the community. Like all reverend should be.
Speaker 2: This man walks into the police station and you know
Speaker 2: straight away, well, that's the father of the homeless girl
Speaker 2: that your children are training to see. And you know
Speaker 2: that because their makeup is equally as terrible.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it's like you also have dirt on your lip?
Speaker 3: Yees.
Speaker 2: Yeah. It turns out he's not homeless, he's an alcoholic.
Speaker 2: So Eric goes home and tells Simon, you.
Speaker 1: Got to give the homeless girl back.
Speaker 2: Well, no, he's like, this girl's name is Sarah, And
Speaker 2: suddenly she starts talking. She's been silent until now, and
Speaker 2: she just gives like a whole family background. It's like
Speaker 2: everything's been silent, so much mystery. And then she's like,
Speaker 2: my dad's an alcoholic because my mom like just gives
Speaker 2: year's worth of a story. You trusts, Eric, Yeah, luckily,
Speaker 2: Eric and Matt go to the alcoholic man's house.
Speaker 1: So he's not homeless. He's not homeless.
Speaker 2: Oh, but his house is messy because he's an alcoholic.
Speaker 1: Okay, which is why he's got dirt.
Speaker 2: Yes, So they go to his house to clean it. Oh,
Speaker 2: that'll do it as a lesson, okay, And the lesson
Speaker 2: I think to matt is, if you drink alcohol, you'll
Speaker 2: have a messy house. I don't know, but they clean
Speaker 2: his house, and I think they're not allowed to keep
Speaker 2: the homeless.
Speaker 1: Girl have to give her back.
Speaker 2: I worry about the family's finances because Annie, I mean,
Speaker 2: she's a tireless worker.
Speaker 1: We see her with laundry busts.
Speaker 2: She works harder than bloody Reverend Camden. Ah, she works
Speaker 2: harder than them all put together. But she's not contributing
Speaker 2: to the bottom line of that household. She's not because
Speaker 2: I don't think she's on benefits.
Speaker 1: But I can't see it all.
Speaker 2: It's a soling cump family. It's a souling cump family
Speaker 2: with seven children and from giving one them and I'm like,
Speaker 2: how much and putting your nose in other people's business.
Speaker 1: It's not paid. It's not paid.
Speaker 2: And another, actually an important part of that is it
Speaker 2: is heavily implied that the church pays for their house.
Speaker 2: Their house is too nice, it's too like a church
Speaker 2: donated to bloody Sarah and her dad. A church shouldn't
Speaker 2: be paying for your wholesome suburban line pancakes you have
Speaker 2: for breakfast. Yeah, yeah, the reverend was too rich. That
Speaker 2: always bothered me, Jesse. When Matt takes a slut to
Speaker 2: prom so Matt doesn't have a prom date. This is
Speaker 2: where Lucy and Mary are like, take me. Then a
Speaker 2: weird man comes to Reverend Camden and he's like, can
Speaker 2: Matt take my daughter to prompt?
Speaker 3: I've got the perfect guy in mind to take Connie
Speaker 3: to the prom, but I need your help. I was
Speaker 3: wondering if your son Matt could possibly take Connie.
Speaker 2: Well, like I said, you know, I could ask. This
Speaker 2: is great. Thanks, which is weird because everyone's always just
Speaker 2: in each other's business and it's.
Speaker 1: All men being like can we trade daughters? You know
Speaker 1: what I mean?
Speaker 2: It's exactly what it is. So he's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: my daughter Connie, can he take her? He goes home
Speaker 2: and says, Matt, can you take this Connie chick to prompt?
Speaker 2: And Matt's face he's like, interesting, is she up? Well,
Speaker 2: we learn Connie is a slut? How do you learn
Speaker 2: that from how she dresses? Got it?
Speaker 1: No, she actually she's curvy. She has short hair. Yeah, wow,
Speaker 1: very edgy.
Speaker 2: So what she is is she's a bisexual temptress.
Speaker 1: She's a temptress. She's Anna from the uc Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just don't know which way she's gonna go.
Speaker 2: So Matt asks her and she's like, I can't come.
Speaker 2: I don't have a dress. And Matt's like, that's fine,
Speaker 2: Mum will make you one.
Speaker 1: Oh yuck. And the problem is like a prairie dress.
Speaker 2: The problem is that night and so Annie has seven kids,
Speaker 2: So poor Annie, including surprise es. Yeah, that's to take
Speaker 2: down the curtains and make a dress for this girl
Speaker 2: she's never met.
Speaker 1: Okay, Okay, So I just.
Speaker 2: I just know that if that was our family, the
Speaker 2: resentment between mum and dad situation would be if you
Speaker 2: made them take this random slut to the prom. Anyway
Speaker 2: at prom, Matt's like, no, I'm gonna be a good Christian.
Speaker 2: So he's like, why are you a slut? Ah?
Speaker 1: Why are you a slut? Slight conversion therapy and she's like,
Speaker 1: my mom died and that's a lovely lesson.
Speaker 2: Sometimes women are sluts because you're trauma, okay, And that's
Speaker 2: why Lucy, Mary, Ruthie, they're good girls because they've got
Speaker 2: the example of Annie in a laundry basket. Exactly. There
Speaker 2: are many, many more crazy storylines, like when the family
Speaker 2: celebrated Lucy's first period, and when one character joins a
Speaker 2: gang and another gets married after one day. To listen
Speaker 2: to that entire episode, just click the link in our
Speaker 2: show notes. You can find videos from the podcast and
Speaker 2: evidence of the celebrity crimes on our Instagram at the
Speaker 2: Twins underscore thoughts, or on TikTok at cancel the podcast,
Speaker 2: Bye Bye,