WEBVTT - The Wildest Stories On 7th Heaven [throw back]

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<v Speaker 1>So you're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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<v Speaker 2>that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to Canceled,

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<v Speaker 2>The Lazy Girl's Guide to bizarre celebrity cancelations. I'm Jesse

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<v Speaker 2>Stevens and I'm Claire Stephens. Happy twenty twenty five. We

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<v Speaker 2>hope you are enjoying this summer. If you're in Australia,

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<v Speaker 2>it's usually the time we all relaxed. But for some reasons,

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<v Speaker 2>we don't relax very often here. Never not The lazy

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<v Speaker 2>girls are never getting all of that. Well, no, we're

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<v Speaker 2>being the opposite of lazy this time of year. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>because what we're going to do is we're going to

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<v Speaker 2>give our listeners something we're calling Mama MIA's Hot Pod Summer. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>thank you Rose. What's the weather like out there?

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<v Speaker 3>It's hot, damn hot, really hot. Heart of this is

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<v Speaker 3>my short I can cook things in it that'll crash.

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<v Speaker 3>What cooked.

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<v Speaker 2>We're giving you our favorite moments from Canceled this year,

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<v Speaker 2>including our episode on Benefit the relationship that was made

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<v Speaker 2>up of too much content, joej Sewa, who really pissed

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<v Speaker 2>off the Internet, and Emily Blunt and those Divorced.

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<v Speaker 1>Rumors with John Krasinski.

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<v Speaker 2>And on top of that, all podcasts at My Maya

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<v Speaker 2>have brand new episodes dropping about the topics we couldn't

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<v Speaker 2>stop talking about this year, all curated especially for you. Today,

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<v Speaker 2>we need to talk about Seventh Heaven. If you don't

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<v Speaker 2>know what that is, and you're five years old, and

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<v Speaker 2>you shouldn't be listening, because we say the effort sometimes

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<v Speaker 2>and your mum will get you in trouble. We're recanceling

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<v Speaker 2>the TV show Seventh Heaven aka The Bible Rewritten for

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<v Speaker 2>Fox eight. So whether you sat through random marathons on

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<v Speaker 2>Saturdays or have never watched an episode, we are here

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<v Speaker 2>to prove to you how truly cooked this show was,

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<v Speaker 2>and of course assigned charges and sentences. We asked some

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<v Speaker 2>very important questions like should a teenager go to jail

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<v Speaker 2>over stealing a single drinking glass?

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<v Speaker 1>Should siblings hook up?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes or no? That comes up weirdly often it does,

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<v Speaker 2>along with many other insane storylines from this show. Enjoy

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<v Speaker 2>craziest storylines, Jesse, You've already mentioned this. When Mary wants

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<v Speaker 2>kissing lessons, so practices on her brother Matt. The interesting

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<v Speaker 2>thing about this is that it was the first episode

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<v Speaker 2>of the whole show, and I think this, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>how you're in a you and I have done a

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<v Speaker 2>writer's room recently, and we've talked about this with writing,

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<v Speaker 2>where you're like, is this a thing? Right, Like you're

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<v Speaker 2>kind of in a room you're spitballing and you're like, yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>you know when you had one recently about tampons and

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<v Speaker 2>where you put them and blah blah blah, and you go,

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<v Speaker 2>you know when you do this and everyone's like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>you just know. In the writer's room, everyone's like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>when you just start olding up with your brother because

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<v Speaker 2>you want to get practiced, and someone was like, looh,

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<v Speaker 2>it's illegal. That's not the vibe. So Matt and Mary

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<v Speaker 2>are in the backyard and Mary.

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<v Speaker 1>Sexual kind I know it was episode one, but that

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<v Speaker 1>was sexual chemistry. Mary asks Matt, so, do I touch

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<v Speaker 1>his face with my hands?

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<v Speaker 3>No?

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<v Speaker 1>Look, if anybody touch his face, he touches your face.

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<v Speaker 1>Maybe he doesn't look.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>Do we have to do this?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes?

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<v Speaker 1>So just stand still? Okay, So I close my eyes.

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<v Speaker 2>Then Mary's like, okay, so I close my eyes and

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<v Speaker 2>she kind of purses her lips and leans in to

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<v Speaker 2>kiss him. Meanwhile, Reverend Eric has just walked out to

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<v Speaker 2>put the rubbish out and he makes eye contact with Matt.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, dad, this is what it looks like.

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<v Speaker 2>That's relieve and then there's like sick and the scene

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<v Speaker 2>is over. But that's not the only instance a sexual tension.

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<v Speaker 1>This is one of those things that you watch and

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<v Speaker 1>you go, I don't want to be a parent. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to I want to deal with that.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to walk inside and be like, how

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<v Speaker 2>do I come on now? Now, I've just got this

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<v Speaker 2>thing on my list, deal with my kids hooking up.

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<v Speaker 2>That wasn't in the fucking brochure. That wasn't the only

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<v Speaker 2>instance of sexual tension between the siblings. Later on in

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<v Speaker 2>the series, both Mary and Lucy want to go to

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<v Speaker 2>prom with Matt, and it's.

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<v Speaker 1>Just really odd.

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<v Speaker 2>It's really weird because and I think it's honestly like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>he's hot, he's your brother. And then when Lucy goes

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<v Speaker 2>into labor, Matt is there and he's a doctor, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>but Lucy generalist or ob or I think he's like

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<v Speaker 2>still training at this point, all right, But Lucy's husband,

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<v Speaker 2>Kevin is like, don't look at her.

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<v Speaker 3>You better not be looking at my wife. Kevin. I'm

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<v Speaker 3>a doctor.

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<v Speaker 1>You're her brother, but I'm a doctor.

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<v Speaker 3>I hope that doesn't mean what I think it means.

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<v Speaker 2>What do you not want anyone to look at her

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<v Speaker 2>vagina while she's giving birth?

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<v Speaker 1>Is that it because someone.

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<v Speaker 3>Has to?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it weird if it's a brother.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the stranger things have happened.

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<v Speaker 3>I know.

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<v Speaker 2>I've spoken to people who are doctors who deliver babies,

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<v Speaker 2>and I have asked a question to them and their sibling,

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<v Speaker 2>and I've said, would you want to deliver her baby

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<v Speaker 2>or whatever?

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<v Speaker 1>And often they say no, I wouldn't want to. I

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<v Speaker 1>wouldn't too close. Too close. So again, it is Matt

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<v Speaker 1>being a creep. It is he's like, no, show me

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<v Speaker 1>a bad come salivating, Come on, Jesse.

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<v Speaker 2>When Matt doesn't steal a glass and ends up in court, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>Mary goes to a diner and she steals a glass.

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<v Speaker 1>It's water glass.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you remember when we were kids the amount of

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<v Speaker 2>glasses that were in our cupboard That do in the

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<v Speaker 2>long term, I swear every time we went to a

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<v Speaker 2>bowling club or an arasl or anything.

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<v Speaker 1>It just somehow, I'm sorry.

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<v Speaker 2>Like mum was like packing her children to bags and

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<v Speaker 2>just picked up like a four play. Yeah, so she

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<v Speaker 2>steals the glass to try to impress her basketball friends.

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<v Speaker 1>But I don't think it's cool.

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<v Speaker 2>Obviously. Reverend Campden finds it, yeah, and he's like tut tut,

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<v Speaker 2>who stole the glass?

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<v Speaker 1>So relatable in terms of adolescent issues.

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<v Speaker 2>And Matt takes the blame, which is odd, but I

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<v Speaker 2>think he's like trying to flirt with Mary. And Eric

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<v Speaker 2>is like, okay, we'll go back and tell them you

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<v Speaker 2>stole it and return it. So Matt does and then

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<v Speaker 2>decides to press chart.

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<v Speaker 3>An apology unaccepted. That's right, unaccepted. I'm pressing charges.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesse.

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<v Speaker 1>Matt goes to jail.

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<v Speaker 2>He goes to jail class, that's not how the law work.

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<v Speaker 2>And then he's at the trial. Matt could go to

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<v Speaker 2>school at the open fire, and he want to go

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<v Speaker 2>to jail, like this is America. So then he goes

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<v Speaker 2>to trial.

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<v Speaker 1>Because if you wouldn't go to trial.

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<v Speaker 2>One thing courts takes seriously, it's teenage es. Actually when

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<v Speaker 2>you're a white Christian that they took one look at

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<v Speaker 2>Matt and when you're tru no, no, But then all

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<v Speaker 2>these other students march in with other things they've stolen

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<v Speaker 2>from diners, your runner.

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<v Speaker 3>They're all a bunch of little thieves. I'm pressing charges.

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<v Speaker 3>I want them all in jail.

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<v Speaker 2>And the sentiment is like, judge, you're gonna arrest all

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<v Speaker 2>of us.

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<v Speaker 1>And the judge is like, absolutely not.

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<v Speaker 2>How the law works, do not? I know that's how

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<v Speaker 2>we think the law works. But if you are on

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<v Speaker 2>trial for hitting someone like a hit and run, and

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<v Speaker 2>I walk in and go I did a hit and runner,

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna arrest both of us. Yes, yes, but you're separate.

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<v Speaker 2>You're separate, but thank you for handing yourself in there.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, base, the moral of the story is you

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<v Speaker 2>will get arrested for stealing one one time, which confirms

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<v Speaker 2>the theory I have as of now that Seventh Heaven

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<v Speaker 2>was like an updated Bible. Oh my god, yes, so

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<v Speaker 2>there's like Old Testament, New Testament, seventh Heaven Testament and

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<v Speaker 2>seventh Heaven. Everything was like a parable or so shall

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<v Speaker 2>not steal a glass room?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>And what happens and like Reverend is God and it

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<v Speaker 2>comes in and it's basically like, how do we teach

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<v Speaker 2>a new generation of Americans.

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<v Speaker 1>The Bible sinning.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, there's a lot of parables. Okay. Next craziest storyline,

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<v Speaker 2>Simon finds a homeless girl. Simon brings home a homeless

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<v Speaker 2>girl and literally yells.

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, look what I've found. Can I keep her? Can

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<v Speaker 1>I keep her? I keep her?

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<v Speaker 2>She has the worst makeup I've ever seen to try

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<v Speaker 2>and make her look dirty.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like a little bit of bronze up.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, they clean her up, and then Simon and Ruthie

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<v Speaker 2>have a fight about who gets to own her.

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<v Speaker 1>Slaves are illegal because she's right here. Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Simon literally starts training her like a dog with treats.

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<v Speaker 2>Then Reverend Camden in a parallel storyline that you forgot

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<v Speaker 2>to mention Happy Oh yeah, sorry, Happy the dog played

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<v Speaker 2>by Happy Happy the dog. That's what I always remember

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<v Speaker 2>from the storyline. We get to happy Happy Happy often

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<v Speaker 2>drives plot forward.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>Reverend Camden somehow he always joins the police force, but

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<v Speaker 2>like incidentally, so all of a sudden he has access

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<v Speaker 2>to missing persons files. Okay, and he's at the police station. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>just in his spare time. And this man is a

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<v Speaker 2>trusted member of the community. Like all reverend should be.

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<v Speaker 2>This man walks into the police station and you know

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<v Speaker 2>straight away, well, that's the father of the homeless girl

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<v Speaker 2>that your children are training to see. And you know

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<v Speaker 2>that because their makeup is equally as terrible.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so it's like you also have dirt on your lip?

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<v Speaker 3>Yees.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. It turns out he's not homeless, he's an alcoholic.

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<v Speaker 2>So Eric goes home and tells Simon, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Got to give the homeless girl back.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, no, he's like, this girl's name is Sarah, And

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<v Speaker 2>suddenly she starts talking. She's been silent until now, and

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<v Speaker 2>she just gives like a whole family background. It's like

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<v Speaker 2>everything's been silent, so much mystery. And then she's like,

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<v Speaker 2>my dad's an alcoholic because my mom like just gives

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<v Speaker 2>year's worth of a story. You trusts, Eric, Yeah, luckily,

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<v Speaker 2>Eric and Matt go to the alcoholic man's house.

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<v Speaker 1>So he's not homeless. He's not homeless.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, but his house is messy because he's an alcoholic.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, which is why he's got dirt.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, So they go to his house to clean it. Oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that'll do it as a lesson, okay, And the lesson

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<v Speaker 2>I think to matt is, if you drink alcohol, you'll

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<v Speaker 2>have a messy house. I don't know, but they clean

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<v Speaker 2>his house, and I think they're not allowed to keep

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<v Speaker 2>the homeless.

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<v Speaker 1>Girl have to give her back.

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<v Speaker 2>I worry about the family's finances because Annie, I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>she's a tireless worker.

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<v Speaker 1>We see her with laundry busts.

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<v Speaker 2>She works harder than bloody Reverend Camden. Ah, she works

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<v Speaker 2>harder than them all put together. But she's not contributing

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<v Speaker 2>to the bottom line of that household. She's not because

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think she's on benefits.

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<v Speaker 1>But I can't see it all.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a soling cump family. It's a souling cump family

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<v Speaker 2>with seven children and from giving one them and I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>how much and putting your nose in other people's business.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not paid. It's not paid.

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<v Speaker 2>And another, actually an important part of that is it

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<v Speaker 2>is heavily implied that the church pays for their house.

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<v Speaker 2>Their house is too nice, it's too like a church

0:11:58.949 --> 0:12:02.469
<v Speaker 2>donated to bloody Sarah and her dad. A church shouldn't

0:12:02.549 --> 0:12:07.789
<v Speaker 2>be paying for your wholesome suburban line pancakes you have

0:12:07.869 --> 0:12:10.509
<v Speaker 2>for breakfast. Yeah, yeah, the reverend was too rich. That

0:12:10.589 --> 0:12:14.669
<v Speaker 2>always bothered me, Jesse. When Matt takes a slut to

0:12:14.749 --> 0:12:18.549
<v Speaker 2>prom so Matt doesn't have a prom date. This is

0:12:18.589 --> 0:12:21.149
<v Speaker 2>where Lucy and Mary are like, take me. Then a

0:12:21.189 --> 0:12:25.389
<v Speaker 2>weird man comes to Reverend Camden and he's like, can

0:12:25.429 --> 0:12:27.029
<v Speaker 2>Matt take my daughter to prompt?

0:12:27.229 --> 0:12:28.909
<v Speaker 3>I've got the perfect guy in mind to take Connie

0:12:28.949 --> 0:12:31.189
<v Speaker 3>to the prom, but I need your help. I was

0:12:31.229 --> 0:12:33.629
<v Speaker 3>wondering if your son Matt could possibly take Connie.

0:12:33.789 --> 0:12:36.669
<v Speaker 2>Well, like I said, you know, I could ask. This

0:12:36.709 --> 0:12:40.029
<v Speaker 2>is great. Thanks, which is weird because everyone's always just

0:12:40.069 --> 0:12:41.989
<v Speaker 2>in each other's business and it's.

0:12:41.869 --> 0:12:45.549
<v Speaker 1>All men being like can we trade daughters? You know

0:12:45.589 --> 0:12:45.989
<v Speaker 1>what I mean?

0:12:47.109 --> 0:12:49.269
<v Speaker 2>It's exactly what it is. So he's like, yeah, yeah,

0:12:49.269 --> 0:12:52.069
<v Speaker 2>my daughter Connie, can he take her? He goes home

0:12:52.109 --> 0:12:54.549
<v Speaker 2>and says, Matt, can you take this Connie chick to prompt?

0:12:55.149 --> 0:12:59.149
<v Speaker 2>And Matt's face he's like, interesting, is she up? Well,

0:13:00.149 --> 0:13:02.789
<v Speaker 2>we learn Connie is a slut? How do you learn

0:13:02.869 --> 0:13:06.069
<v Speaker 2>that from how she dresses? Got it?

0:13:06.789 --> 0:13:11.429
<v Speaker 1>No, she actually she's curvy. She has short hair. Yeah, wow,

0:13:11.669 --> 0:13:12.189
<v Speaker 1>very edgy.

0:13:12.309 --> 0:13:16.109
<v Speaker 2>So what she is is she's a bisexual temptress.

0:13:16.309 --> 0:13:20.389
<v Speaker 1>She's a temptress. She's Anna from the uc Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

0:13:20.949 --> 0:13:22.669
<v Speaker 1>you just don't know which way she's gonna go.

0:13:23.109 --> 0:13:25.789
<v Speaker 2>So Matt asks her and she's like, I can't come.

0:13:25.829 --> 0:13:28.309
<v Speaker 2>I don't have a dress. And Matt's like, that's fine,

0:13:28.429 --> 0:13:29.349
<v Speaker 2>Mum will make you one.

0:13:29.669 --> 0:13:33.629
<v Speaker 1>Oh yuck. And the problem is like a prairie dress.

0:13:33.669 --> 0:13:36.709
<v Speaker 2>The problem is that night and so Annie has seven kids,

0:13:36.949 --> 0:13:40.829
<v Speaker 2>So poor Annie, including surprise es. Yeah, that's to take

0:13:40.909 --> 0:13:44.349
<v Speaker 2>down the curtains and make a dress for this girl

0:13:44.429 --> 0:13:45.069
<v Speaker 2>she's never met.

0:13:45.189 --> 0:13:47.749
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Okay, So I just.

0:13:47.749 --> 0:13:49.469
<v Speaker 2>I just know that if that was our family, the

0:13:49.549 --> 0:13:53.309
<v Speaker 2>resentment between mum and dad situation would be if you

0:13:53.469 --> 0:13:57.949
<v Speaker 2>made them take this random slut to the prom. Anyway

0:13:58.069 --> 0:14:00.869
<v Speaker 2>at prom, Matt's like, no, I'm gonna be a good Christian.

0:14:01.029 --> 0:14:03.909
<v Speaker 2>So he's like, why are you a slut? Ah?

0:14:03.949 --> 0:14:06.789
<v Speaker 1>Why are you a slut? Slight conversion therapy and she's like,

0:14:06.909 --> 0:14:09.749
<v Speaker 1>my mom died and that's a lovely lesson.

0:14:13.109 --> 0:14:17.749
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes women are sluts because you're trauma, okay, And that's

0:14:17.789 --> 0:14:22.189
<v Speaker 2>why Lucy, Mary, Ruthie, they're good girls because they've got

0:14:22.189 --> 0:14:27.189
<v Speaker 2>the example of Annie in a laundry basket. Exactly. There

0:14:27.229 --> 0:14:30.429
<v Speaker 2>are many, many more crazy storylines, like when the family

0:14:30.469 --> 0:14:34.309
<v Speaker 2>celebrated Lucy's first period, and when one character joins a

0:14:34.389 --> 0:14:38.469
<v Speaker 2>gang and another gets married after one day. To listen

0:14:38.509 --> 0:14:40.989
<v Speaker 2>to that entire episode, just click the link in our

0:14:40.989 --> 0:14:43.909
<v Speaker 2>show notes. You can find videos from the podcast and

0:14:43.989 --> 0:14:47.189
<v Speaker 2>evidence of the celebrity crimes on our Instagram at the

0:14:47.229 --> 0:14:51.589
<v Speaker 2>Twins underscore thoughts, or on TikTok at cancel the podcast,

0:14:51.989 --> 0:14:54.909
<v Speaker 2>Bye Bye,