WEBVTT - How To ACTUALLY Share The Load

0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080
<v Speaker 1>We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording

0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:08.240
<v Speaker 1>on today, and it used to blow my.

0:00:08.200 --> 0:00:11.560
<v Speaker 2>Mind, Like when Lenny was little and I was still

0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:13.280
<v Speaker 2>going out all the time and still doing stuff, and

0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:19.400
<v Speaker 2>people would go, where's Lenny. Who's looking after Lenny? His father? Yeah,

0:00:19.600 --> 0:00:26.280
<v Speaker 2>the other person that chose to have a baby with me. Hello,

0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:30.520
<v Speaker 2>welcome back to Eat, Sleep, Shit, Repeat your unhinged podcast

0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:33.840
<v Speaker 2>about the madness that is motherhood and everything in between.

0:00:33.880 --> 0:00:37.559
<v Speaker 1>I'm Kelly McCarran, I'm Kiri Cels and kel you're up

0:00:37.560 --> 0:00:41.199
<v Speaker 1>for picking pit today. But before we do that, I

0:00:41.240 --> 0:00:43.320
<v Speaker 1>did request that we do a little goal check in.

0:00:43.600 --> 0:00:46.640
<v Speaker 2>You wanted to do an entire episode about a goal,

0:00:47.240 --> 0:00:50.720
<v Speaker 2>like a summer series bonus, but not long. I'm like, A,

0:00:51.040 --> 0:00:54.880
<v Speaker 2>it's November. We're petering towards the end of November.

0:00:55.080 --> 0:00:57.640
<v Speaker 1>Realistically, are we going to get done in the last

0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:58.720
<v Speaker 1>two exactly?

0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:03.440
<v Speaker 2>And and B I just don't really want to because

0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:04.479
<v Speaker 2>I don't want to think about my.

0:01:04.480 --> 0:01:06.440
<v Speaker 1>Goals and that I haven't done anything well. I thought

0:01:06.440 --> 0:01:08.240
<v Speaker 1>it would be funny because I think both of us

0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:10.039
<v Speaker 1>have failed miserably at our goals.

0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:12.480
<v Speaker 2>I'm pretty sure one of your goals was to get pregnant.

0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:18.039
<v Speaker 1>Oh tiktick t tiktick boombbe tic tic boom, because it's

0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.160
<v Speaker 1>hard as pregnancy ever. But yeah, I took that one off.

0:01:21.000 --> 0:01:23.920
<v Speaker 2>The list you did, and mine was like all around

0:01:24.040 --> 0:01:26.520
<v Speaker 2>my health again, I'm just not setting that as goal

0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:28.360
<v Speaker 2>next year. That has just been silly.

0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.880
<v Speaker 1>Maybe that's the trick, is like not actually setting it

0:01:30.920 --> 0:01:32.120
<v Speaker 1>as a goal, and then you might.

0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.280
<v Speaker 2>We also didn't do our comedy classes. That was a

0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:34.920
<v Speaker 2>joint goal.

0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:41.160
<v Speaker 1>Shit, all right, it's still your peking pit.

0:01:41.400 --> 0:01:44.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay. So I'm so cheeky with my peaking pits. I

0:01:44.520 --> 0:01:46.320
<v Speaker 2>always just like chuck a few in there.

0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:48.920
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know you do. I've noticed first.

0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:52.120
<v Speaker 2>One the short story, my child is so ready to

0:01:52.160 --> 0:01:56.200
<v Speaker 2>be toilet trained that he took his nappy off, went

0:01:56.280 --> 0:01:59.480
<v Speaker 2>outside and shut on the ground like a dog, and

0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:01.840
<v Speaker 2>then came back inside and said, Mummy, clean up.

0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:06.960
<v Speaker 1>So this is the first time it's ever happened.

0:02:07.200 --> 0:02:09.600
<v Speaker 2>This is the first time he's ever shut like a dog.

0:02:09.720 --> 0:02:12.959
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I wonder where he got it from, like or

0:02:13.080 --> 0:02:14.519
<v Speaker 1>do you think it's just like an instinctive thing, like

0:02:14.560 --> 0:02:16.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't want to do it in my nappy and

0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:18.359
<v Speaker 1>Mum hasn't given me any alternatives.

0:02:18.360 --> 0:02:20.280
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to I don't know. I think maybe

0:02:20.320 --> 0:02:22.040
<v Speaker 2>he just thought it was a good idea. He has

0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:23.639
<v Speaker 2>same Percy do it a lot. Well.

0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:25.160
<v Speaker 1>I thought he would have done it in a litter box,

0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:25.680
<v Speaker 1>to be fair.

0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:27.720
<v Speaker 2>No, Percy does it outside.

0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:29.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh, so that's why.

0:02:29.400 --> 0:02:33.000
<v Speaker 2>He's just following Percy's anyone trying to help, trying to

0:02:33.120 --> 0:02:39.120
<v Speaker 2>help him. It's just like, what indicator of how lazy

0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:39.480
<v Speaker 2>I am?

0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:41.040
<v Speaker 1>Can I just make you feel better? I know a

0:02:41.040 --> 0:02:42.960
<v Speaker 1>lot of people who will put it off because it

0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:45.600
<v Speaker 1>is a very hard thing if they're not ready, But

0:02:45.639 --> 0:02:47.520
<v Speaker 1>this is he's so ready. He's ready now, so I

0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:48.680
<v Speaker 1>don't think it's going to be hard.

0:02:49.280 --> 0:02:52.640
<v Speaker 2>No, it's just that I just need to actually knuckle

0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:55.959
<v Speaker 2>in and do it. And he he is so ready

0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:59.000
<v Speaker 2>it's not even funny, like he knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah,

0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:01.400
<v Speaker 2>but he he just won't do it on the potty.

0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:03.519
<v Speaker 2>He will do it everywhere else but the potty.

0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:05.720
<v Speaker 1>Can you put the potty in the lounge like when

0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:06.880
<v Speaker 1>he's doing and start.

0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:08.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes, and then he'll go and sit on it. But

0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:10.360
<v Speaker 2>then he'll get up and go to a spot on

0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:11.280
<v Speaker 2>the rug and do a week.

0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:14.080
<v Speaker 1>Oh that's really annoying.

0:03:14.120 --> 0:03:17.600
<v Speaker 2>So annoying, And I know that he will get there,

0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:20.240
<v Speaker 2>I know, but I'm just like the other day, I

0:03:20.320 --> 0:03:26.680
<v Speaker 2>just thought, really, are you a dog, to which he

0:03:26.760 --> 0:03:32.840
<v Speaker 2>responded with woof, as he does. The other pit is

0:03:32.880 --> 0:03:36.440
<v Speaker 2>that Luke's friends are just like, they don't listen to

0:03:36.520 --> 0:03:37.760
<v Speaker 2>the pod because they hate me.

0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:41.080
<v Speaker 1>So what, No, they don't, they actually do.

0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:44.120
<v Speaker 2>They're just like, but ah, to be.

0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:48.000
<v Speaker 1>Honest, yeah, I'm just thinking about the wedding speech.

0:03:48.200 --> 0:03:51.720
<v Speaker 2>See the best man's speech hated me, clearly hated me.

0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:53.320
<v Speaker 1>He can't say that at a wedding.

0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:57.560
<v Speaker 2>Basically, there's been a bit of a situation where heaps

0:03:57.560 --> 0:04:00.480
<v Speaker 2>of Luke's friends are all going away together. I think

0:04:00.520 --> 0:04:03.320
<v Speaker 2>at the moment on it like a big family group holiday,

0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:07.880
<v Speaker 2>and Luke asked them, like ages ago, if they wanted

0:04:07.880 --> 0:04:10.840
<v Speaker 2>to go on a big group trip your joke, and

0:04:10.880 --> 0:04:14.240
<v Speaker 2>none of them said that they could. So that's why

0:04:14.240 --> 0:04:17.159
<v Speaker 2>we went to Bali just us, which you know, love Bali.

0:04:17.360 --> 0:04:19.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was great, but.

0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.080
<v Speaker 2>Then for him to find out that they've had this

0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:25.720
<v Speaker 2>planned for seven months, that's really.

0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:27.400
<v Speaker 1>That makes me really upset because he's.

0:04:27.279 --> 0:04:28.120
<v Speaker 2>Such a good friend.

0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:30.360
<v Speaker 1>So what's the issue, then they don't like me.

0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:35.039
<v Speaker 2>You don't exclude people. It's schoolyard bullying and it's ridiculous. Yeah,

0:04:35.080 --> 0:04:37.640
<v Speaker 2>and they made it worse by lying and saying that

0:04:37.680 --> 0:04:39.440
<v Speaker 2>they did talk to.

0:04:39.480 --> 0:04:41.880
<v Speaker 1>Him about it, so they tried to gaslight him.

0:04:41.800 --> 0:04:44.760
<v Speaker 2>Exactly, which I just think is so much worse. Just say, oh,

0:04:44.800 --> 0:04:46.240
<v Speaker 2>we don't like cal we just don't want to go

0:04:46.279 --> 0:04:48.159
<v Speaker 2>on holidays with her. Be honest.

0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:50.840
<v Speaker 1>The wives or the girlfriends are the partners, Like, do

0:04:50.839 --> 0:04:52.440
<v Speaker 1>you get on with them? Yeah?

0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:55.520
<v Speaker 2>I genuinely could not care less if people do not

0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:59.200
<v Speaker 2>like me. Yeah, but I feel so bad for Luke

0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:04.680
<v Speaker 2>and he's now being excluded for such a silly thing.

0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.279
<v Speaker 2>And I mean, if maybe it was just the holiday,

0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:09.560
<v Speaker 2>maybe I could be like, oh, yeah, it was a

0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.320
<v Speaker 2>simple mistake. Because one of them also said, oh, I

0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:14.720
<v Speaker 2>told Kelly about it, and I was like, you absolutely didn't.

0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:16.120
<v Speaker 2>I've got the world's best memory.

0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:17.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah you can't.

0:05:17.800 --> 0:05:21.920
<v Speaker 2>That's one person you can't trickery. Yeah with about did

0:05:21.960 --> 0:05:25.040
<v Speaker 2>we talk about it. There's been a lot of things

0:05:25.080 --> 0:05:30.400
<v Speaker 2>over the past year where we're clearly excluded, and it

0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:31.360
<v Speaker 2>just sucks for him.

0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:33.280
<v Speaker 1>Is he quite sensitive?

0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:36.640
<v Speaker 2>No, he's so easy going, So I think at first

0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.719
<v Speaker 2>he was like a little bit hurt, but then he

0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:40.640
<v Speaker 2>was like, oh, they said it was a mistake. It's

0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:41.800
<v Speaker 2>not like it's fine.

0:05:42.240 --> 0:05:44.440
<v Speaker 1>So you don't like your friend's wife, but do you

0:05:44.480 --> 0:05:45.560
<v Speaker 1>not like your friend as well?

0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:49.159
<v Speaker 2>Exactly? Well, the thing is they still hang out, which

0:05:49.200 --> 0:05:50.159
<v Speaker 2>is why I'm like, I know it's me.

0:05:50.760 --> 0:05:51.640
<v Speaker 1>So where did they go?

0:05:52.160 --> 0:05:53.240
<v Speaker 2>They've gone to Fiji?

0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:55.040
<v Speaker 1>Are you fucking kidding me?

0:05:55.160 --> 0:05:58.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I know, big family resort.

0:05:58.600 --> 0:06:01.359
<v Speaker 1>That is so mean. Does Lenn get on with their

0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:02.640
<v Speaker 1>kids so well?

0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:05.640
<v Speaker 2>And that also breaks my heart because that's like another

0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:10.000
<v Speaker 2>level of like fuck or excluding poor little let Like

0:06:10.800 --> 0:06:13.160
<v Speaker 2>there's just so many layers, like we don't have family

0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:16.800
<v Speaker 2>in Sydney. We don't have a big family anyway, we

0:06:16.839 --> 0:06:20.520
<v Speaker 2>don't like Len doesn't have that many people in his corner,

0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:24.880
<v Speaker 2>So how very dare you deliberately exclude him?

0:06:25.240 --> 0:06:27.160
<v Speaker 1>You know what? Fucking we'll go on a trip together.

0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:29.600
<v Speaker 2>Literally, I'm just like I'm so petty that I'm like,

0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to plan the best fucking trips overseas next year,

0:06:33.279 --> 0:06:34.400
<v Speaker 2>and it's like I don't want.

0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:39.400
<v Speaker 1>To go over seas again, Suck it up, We're going

0:06:39.400 --> 0:06:44.920
<v Speaker 1>on a trip. There's worse things it could be happening. Oh,

0:06:45.320 --> 0:06:49.080
<v Speaker 1>I know, poor Luke, like just poor guy Paul Len

0:06:49.400 --> 0:06:51.560
<v Speaker 1>and also poor you, because I know what it's like

0:06:51.760 --> 0:06:55.680
<v Speaker 1>to have your partner's friends not like you, and I

0:06:55.680 --> 0:06:57.480
<v Speaker 1>think that's more of them thinking not a thing.

0:06:57.800 --> 0:06:59.400
<v Speaker 2>It's also like we've been to them for so.

0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:01.600
<v Speaker 1>Long, and have they seen you on a holiday like

0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:08.039
<v Speaker 1>I am Exactly. I don't think that you'd be annoying.

0:07:08.160 --> 0:07:12.520
<v Speaker 2>I understand that I'm very opinionated and I'm a big personality,

0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.200
<v Speaker 2>and so some people would find that a bit much

0:07:16.080 --> 0:07:20.120
<v Speaker 2>on holidays. I am just sitting back reading a book.

0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:21.680
<v Speaker 1>Drinking lockdown exactly.

0:07:21.880 --> 0:07:25.880
<v Speaker 2>They really they're missing out. Really, I am a wild time.

0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:28.680
<v Speaker 1>That's a croc of shit though, an honest mistake to

0:07:28.880 --> 0:07:29.960
<v Speaker 1>forget one of your line.

0:07:30.000 --> 0:07:32.840
<v Speaker 2>Also, I think they forget that Luke is married to

0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:35.000
<v Speaker 2>me because one of the things that they tried to

0:07:35.040 --> 0:07:36.880
<v Speaker 2>trick him with was, Oh, we talked about it in

0:07:36.920 --> 0:07:39.400
<v Speaker 2>the group chat. It's like, give me your phone, I'll

0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:40.000
<v Speaker 2>have a look.

0:07:40.440 --> 0:07:43.280
<v Speaker 1>Get your detective hat on.

0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:45.160
<v Speaker 2>One search Fiji. Oh, a couple of chats about this.

0:07:45.480 --> 0:07:47.640
<v Speaker 2>There someone else's holiday a couple of years ago. That's it.

0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:50.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you can't be doing.

0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:52.600
<v Speaker 2>That also, even if you did mention in the group chat,

0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:55.800
<v Speaker 2>you then follow up and go, hey, tag so and

0:07:55.880 --> 0:07:57.920
<v Speaker 2>so did you see this? Are you keen? Yeah?

0:07:57.960 --> 0:07:59.520
<v Speaker 1>Everyone else has got back to me. You're the only

0:07:59.560 --> 0:08:01.200
<v Speaker 1>one who has got back, like totally.

0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:05.880
<v Speaker 2>It's just yeah crazy anyway, Okay, peak is that me

0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:08.640
<v Speaker 2>and my two closest girlfriends in the entire world stayed

0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:11.000
<v Speaker 2>in a hotel last weekend.

0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:12.880
<v Speaker 1>I cannot tell you how jealous I was when I

0:08:12.880 --> 0:08:13.600
<v Speaker 1>saw them, and.

0:08:13.800 --> 0:08:17.560
<v Speaker 2>It was, Oh my goodness, and it just makes me

0:08:17.640 --> 0:08:19.280
<v Speaker 2>so happy that they love each other.

0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:20.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah so much.

0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:24.559
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So the three of us just in a hotel room.

0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:27.960
<v Speaker 2>We had some drinks. We just did not stop talking

0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:29.600
<v Speaker 2>the entire time, and.

0:08:29.600 --> 0:08:31.680
<v Speaker 1>It was so cute the little video like of the

0:08:31.800 --> 0:08:34.439
<v Speaker 1>view and then turning around and like I was doing

0:08:34.480 --> 0:08:36.520
<v Speaker 1>a little pos and then you were opening the champagne

0:08:36.640 --> 0:08:39.439
<v Speaker 1>and you all just looked so happy, like we all

0:08:39.480 --> 0:08:40.359
<v Speaker 1>love pictures.

0:08:40.559 --> 0:08:43.200
<v Speaker 2>They both have three kids as well, so it's way

0:08:43.240 --> 0:08:45.720
<v Speaker 2>harder for them to sort of get.

0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:48.880
<v Speaker 1>That time, so wonder they look so happy. I was just.

0:08:48.960 --> 0:08:52.240
<v Speaker 2>So grateful, and it was just such a good reminder

0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:56.400
<v Speaker 2>to everyone that you just need that time, you need

0:08:56.440 --> 0:08:59.839
<v Speaker 2>your girlfriends without kids sometimes Actually.

0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.640
<v Speaker 1>That you said that. I was went to a live

0:09:04.080 --> 0:09:07.920
<v Speaker 1>show with Dolly Alderton and the author and I guess TV.

0:09:08.520 --> 0:09:09.880
<v Speaker 2>She's also a podcaster, is she not?

0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:12.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, she had a podcast for years, and she was

0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:16.240
<v Speaker 1>talking about how tricky your early thirties can be, because

0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:18.959
<v Speaker 1>like there can be divides in your group where some

0:09:19.040 --> 0:09:21.040
<v Speaker 1>of them have kids and some of them don't, and

0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:23.000
<v Speaker 1>it can be really rocky. But she said that what

0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.560
<v Speaker 1>actually ends up happening is that kids get a bit older,

0:09:25.920 --> 0:09:29.080
<v Speaker 1>a bit more self sufficient, and then suddenly you kind

0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:31.080
<v Speaker 1>of meet again and you're able to have And she

0:09:31.120 --> 0:09:33.840
<v Speaker 1>talked about this, like her best day being this like

0:09:34.360 --> 0:09:37.880
<v Speaker 1>long day drinking lunch with her girlfriends and then like

0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:39.679
<v Speaker 1>getting them so drunk that they will have to sleepover,

0:09:39.720 --> 0:09:41.400
<v Speaker 1>so then they have like an adult sleepert when she.

0:09:41.520 --> 0:09:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Like adults sleepovers is so far, yes.

0:09:43.880 --> 0:09:46.080
<v Speaker 1>And like that's what that just reminded me of. It's

0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:50.560
<v Speaker 1>like those moments are fleeting as life gets busier, but

0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:52.439
<v Speaker 1>they're also more meaningful.

0:09:52.200 --> 0:09:56.800
<v Speaker 2>Exactly exactly, and the time just means the world. Yeah,

0:09:56.840 --> 0:10:00.880
<v Speaker 2>So that was incredible. And I also said know to

0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.680
<v Speaker 2>something like in a work situation that I like, it

0:10:04.720 --> 0:10:06.800
<v Speaker 2>was the first time I've really put my boundaries at

0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.160
<v Speaker 2>my energy healer from BALI helped me put in place,

0:10:10.200 --> 0:10:12.880
<v Speaker 2>and I like, I turned down stuff all the time. Yeah,

0:10:12.880 --> 0:10:15.360
<v Speaker 2>but I turned down something i'd previously said yes too

0:10:15.960 --> 0:10:18.960
<v Speaker 2>because it was making me feel so uncomfortable and it

0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:21.839
<v Speaker 2>was so much money. But I kept to my boundaries

0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:25.040
<v Speaker 2>and I was like, no, this is making my gut

0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:28.920
<v Speaker 2>feel very uncomfortable. You're being very difficult already in early

0:10:28.960 --> 0:10:32.240
<v Speaker 2>stages not happening. And my energy healer said, she goes,

0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.080
<v Speaker 2>You're going to feel so uncomfortable the first time you

0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:36.520
<v Speaker 2>do it, but you need to stick to that boundary.

0:10:37.360 --> 0:10:40.880
<v Speaker 1>We're conditioned as women to like please people. As freelance.

0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Is so hard to say no to money that you've

0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:45.800
<v Speaker 2>banked on as well, exactly money in general.

0:10:45.920 --> 0:10:48.240
<v Speaker 1>Like it, Yeah, totally, I'm proud of you though.

0:10:48.520 --> 0:10:52.160
<v Speaker 2>Thanks anyway. Yeah, so that was my peak and pitch

0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:59.400
<v Speaker 2>loves for listening. Let's get into today's episode now. I

0:10:59.400 --> 0:11:02.400
<v Speaker 2>do need to warn everyone that I'm probably gonna get

0:11:02.440 --> 0:11:06.440
<v Speaker 2>cranky oh today because nothing gets me more riled up

0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:11.160
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to parenting topics than incompetent men. Okay,

0:11:11.600 --> 0:11:16.920
<v Speaker 2>and women who enable shitty behavior, and for this episode

0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:19.160
<v Speaker 2>and for the sake of the discussion, we will be

0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:23.880
<v Speaker 2>focusing on a male female relationship today because everyone I

0:11:23.920 --> 0:11:28.120
<v Speaker 2>know in a lgbt QIA plus relationship does not have

0:11:28.160 --> 0:11:30.120
<v Speaker 2>to worry about sharing the load because it is another thing.

0:11:30.760 --> 0:11:32.720
<v Speaker 2>And of course there are exceptions to this rule, but

0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:35.520
<v Speaker 2>generally it seems to be straight men that suck in

0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:36.200
<v Speaker 2>this department.

0:11:36.880 --> 0:11:40.959
<v Speaker 1>Yes, I think it is a generalization, but for same

0:11:41.040 --> 0:11:44.880
<v Speaker 1>sex couples, they're better at communicating, so often the resentment

0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:48.160
<v Speaker 1>doesn't build because they're addressing the issues soon.

0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh that makes sense.

0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:52.240
<v Speaker 1>But I also just want to note that not all men, of.

0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.160
<v Speaker 2>Course, not all men, not Luke but Charlie exactly.

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.400
<v Speaker 1>That's what I'm saying, just because they are our husbands

0:11:57.400 --> 0:11:59.800
<v Speaker 1>and do listen to the show. Look, doesn't I think

0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:03.280
<v Speaker 1>that many factors do come into play. Who earns more

0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:06.680
<v Speaker 1>the financial split can often come into play. But yeah,

0:12:06.720 --> 0:12:09.960
<v Speaker 1>of course heterosexual couples do fall more into those traditional

0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 1>gender roles, and often women feel they can't ask for

0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.360
<v Speaker 1>more help because they might earn less, so they think

0:12:19.360 --> 0:12:23.199
<v Speaker 1>they're contributing less exactly, But not speaking up only builds

0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:26.640
<v Speaker 1>more resstment, and that's why relationships kind of start to fall.

0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:32.240
<v Speaker 1>Another note about this is that it's around households with

0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.480
<v Speaker 1>two parents. So if you are a single parent, I

0:12:35.559 --> 0:12:38.400
<v Speaker 1>just want to acknowledge that you take on the complete load.

0:12:38.640 --> 0:12:40.920
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and well I need to buy you a beverage

0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:45.200
<v Speaker 2>this holiday season. Absolutely all right, So let's kick things

0:12:45.240 --> 0:12:47.800
<v Speaker 2>off by talking about how we share the load. Would

0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:49.400
<v Speaker 2>you like to start, because I've just been talking a

0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:50.560
<v Speaker 2>lot with the peak and pitch.

0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:54.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I would say. Charlie and I pretty even with

0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:57.120
<v Speaker 1>the mental load. We have ups and downs, of course,

0:12:57.120 --> 0:13:00.640
<v Speaker 1>and we always kind of will reach a point and

0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:02.360
<v Speaker 1>have to have a conversation and kind of a bit

0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:06.160
<v Speaker 1>of a reset. But Charlie is generally the admin guy.

0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:12.239
<v Speaker 1>So the admin guy takes care of anything financial, rent bills, holidays, booking, accommodation,

0:13:13.000 --> 0:13:16.360
<v Speaker 1>flights he would handle. So he is the admin guy.

0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:19.480
<v Speaker 1>So if my girlfriends want to plan a weekend away,

0:13:20.240 --> 0:13:23.520
<v Speaker 1>they will contact him. Because I am not good at

0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:24.160
<v Speaker 1>making plans.

0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.480
<v Speaker 2>I can't tell you how jealous this makes me my

0:13:26.559 --> 0:13:31.440
<v Speaker 2>biggest gripe with my race and holiday was all. I

0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.360
<v Speaker 2>did it all, and I don't like doing any of

0:13:33.360 --> 0:13:36.400
<v Speaker 2>the admin. I like to be a princess for.

0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Our trip to Europe. He booked all the flights and everything,

0:13:39.559 --> 0:13:41.160
<v Speaker 1>and he was like, I just need you to do

0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.000
<v Speaker 1>the accommodation. I was like, yeah, of course, I'll do

0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:47.160
<v Speaker 1>it easy because he knows that I'm pickier obviously with accommodation. Anyway,

0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:49.319
<v Speaker 1>do you reckon? I did it. Nah. I just kept

0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:53.040
<v Speaker 1>putting it off, putting it off, and then and then

0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:56.080
<v Speaker 1>Charlie goes I booked the accommodation and I was like,

0:13:56.120 --> 0:13:59.160
<v Speaker 1>what do you mean? And he told me that basically,

0:13:59.200 --> 0:14:01.520
<v Speaker 1>he just booked anything that was refundable because he knew

0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.080
<v Speaker 1>that I would see how bad they were and cancel

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:06.120
<v Speaker 1>them all and make me book the accommodation.

0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:07.400
<v Speaker 2>Oh, you are so annoying.

0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:07.760
<v Speaker 1>Happened.

0:14:08.280 --> 0:14:10.560
<v Speaker 2>You are so annoying.

0:14:10.320 --> 0:14:12.760
<v Speaker 1>Because you know on Airbnb you can book fully refundable.

0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:15.400
<v Speaker 1>So then I would just like canceled it. And he

0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.760
<v Speaker 1>knew what to do. He played me like a little

0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.120
<v Speaker 1>fiddle and I and I fell right into the trap.

0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:25.840
<v Speaker 1>So Charlie admin, guy, I'm more on the ground right,

0:14:25.960 --> 0:14:26.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm here day to day.

0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:28.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm on the ground running.

0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:33.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm on the ground running. I'm waddling around, I'm packing

0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:36.120
<v Speaker 1>for trips. I'm doing appointments like doctor I'm doing I'm

0:14:36.200 --> 0:14:39.520
<v Speaker 1>mainly the daycare contact. So if Rue falls ill, generally

0:14:39.600 --> 0:14:42.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm the person that would be picking her up. I'm

0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:45.720
<v Speaker 1>the person who's think about extracurricular activities. I'm thinking about ballet,

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:49.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about swimming. That's my kind of jam. And

0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:51.920
<v Speaker 1>if Rue really needs something like I'll be the person

0:14:51.960 --> 0:14:54.560
<v Speaker 1>to kind of research it, figure out what we need,

0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.520
<v Speaker 1>and then either of us will get it. But I'm

0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:58.720
<v Speaker 1>generally the person in charge of that kind of stuff

0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:01.960
<v Speaker 1>we do. You're still and if you've been a longtime

0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:06.040
<v Speaker 1>listener of ESSR, you'll know that ever since Ru was born,

0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:09.520
<v Speaker 1>we kind of had the split being like I'm primary

0:15:09.560 --> 0:15:11.800
<v Speaker 1>parent during the week and then on the weekends is

0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:12.920
<v Speaker 1>like my time off.

0:15:13.040 --> 0:15:15.640
<v Speaker 2>Tell the story about when you were where were you

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:18.760
<v Speaker 2>with a group of friends and it was your turn

0:15:18.800 --> 0:15:20.880
<v Speaker 2>to have time off? But so all your friends are

0:15:20.920 --> 0:15:22.720
<v Speaker 2>looking at you just sitting back, relaxing, way.

0:15:22.640 --> 0:15:24.720
<v Speaker 1>Like Charlie attention.

0:15:25.080 --> 0:15:25.720
<v Speaker 2>Roone needs you.

0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:29.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, just generally on any holiday that falls on a

0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:33.320
<v Speaker 1>weekend fair enough. Obviously, ebbs and flows depending on what

0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:34.960
<v Speaker 1>we have on like if he's had a really busy

0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.360
<v Speaker 1>week at work. You know, we're sharing the load on

0:15:37.400 --> 0:15:39.240
<v Speaker 1>the weekends, but he will do more of like the

0:15:39.280 --> 0:15:41.920
<v Speaker 1>grunt work and do bed and bath and you know,

0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:43.760
<v Speaker 1>be kind of steering the thing of like, oh, what

0:15:43.760 --> 0:15:47.320
<v Speaker 1>should we feed roue tonight and more, taking off some

0:15:47.400 --> 0:15:48.920
<v Speaker 1>of that mental load so I can like have a

0:15:48.920 --> 0:15:52.200
<v Speaker 1>bit of a brain rest. He's probably home fifty percent

0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:54.760
<v Speaker 1>of the time for bed and bath during the week.

0:15:54.920 --> 0:15:57.600
<v Speaker 1>So if that's the case, like I would have done dinner,

0:15:57.720 --> 0:15:59.440
<v Speaker 1>he swoops and for bed and bath and then I

0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:01.720
<v Speaker 1>can cook us dinner. So we kind of like divvy

0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:01.960
<v Speaker 1>it up.

0:16:01.960 --> 0:16:03.080
<v Speaker 2>What time do you guys eat dinner?

0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:07.520
<v Speaker 1>So late at the moment, like nine, it's fucked. We

0:16:07.640 --> 0:16:10.560
<v Speaker 1>share the cleaning of the house, but he does rubbish

0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.800
<v Speaker 1>and I do washing, because those are like clear things

0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.160
<v Speaker 1>like I don't want anything to do with rubbish at all,

0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:19.320
<v Speaker 1>and I'm very particular about washing just how it's done

0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:21.440
<v Speaker 1>and everything like that. So I'm happy to do that.

0:16:21.600 --> 0:16:24.160
<v Speaker 1>I enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. That's a fucking stretch,

0:16:24.480 --> 0:16:27.240
<v Speaker 1>But I don't want him to do it fah feah,

0:16:27.680 --> 0:16:30.040
<v Speaker 1>even though he can and he will, like if he is,

0:16:30.080 --> 0:16:32.480
<v Speaker 1>like I'm out of jocks he'll put, you know, jocks

0:16:32.520 --> 0:16:34.840
<v Speaker 1>on or whatever. I think it's important to mention that

0:16:34.920 --> 0:16:38.479
<v Speaker 1>we do split bills proportionately to our salaries.

0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.120
<v Speaker 2>I've heard a lot of people do this. So say

0:16:41.120 --> 0:16:43.080
<v Speaker 2>someone who owns two hundred thousand and the other person

0:16:43.120 --> 0:16:46.760
<v Speaker 2>earns one hundred thousand, so they'll contribute like sixty forty

0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:48.200
<v Speaker 2>to the mortgage or something like that.

0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:52.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so basically our split is around like seventy thirty,

0:16:52.640 --> 0:16:55.040
<v Speaker 1>I would say, beacause I'm only working three days a

0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:58.080
<v Speaker 1>week and then I'm looking after roofe for two days.

0:16:58.400 --> 0:17:02.320
<v Speaker 1>So we still split our rent fifty to fifty. But

0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:05.440
<v Speaker 1>everything else, so we charge everything to a credit card

0:17:05.520 --> 0:17:07.160
<v Speaker 1>so we can get the points, and then we pay

0:17:07.200 --> 0:17:09.840
<v Speaker 1>the credit card off each month, and generally that split

0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:14.199
<v Speaker 1>is like a seventy thirty split. The split informs a

0:17:14.240 --> 0:17:16.359
<v Speaker 1>little bit of like the mental load. I would say

0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:19.479
<v Speaker 1>as well, if that makes sense. I did have to

0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:22.120
<v Speaker 1>just note at the end of this that this pregnancy

0:17:22.160 --> 0:17:25.840
<v Speaker 1>has been rough, and so Charlie has been doing probably

0:17:25.840 --> 0:17:27.480
<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent of.

0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:29.679
<v Speaker 2>Everything because Key simply cannot.

0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:32.640
<v Speaker 1>I cannot do anything. So I've gotten a wee bit better,

0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:35.639
<v Speaker 1>But there was a good six months of me being

0:17:35.760 --> 0:17:38.600
<v Speaker 1>like unable to do most things. So he really held

0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:40.879
<v Speaker 1>it down. And I think that's the important thing about

0:17:40.920 --> 0:17:43.480
<v Speaker 1>our relationship is that like we pick up when the

0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:46.240
<v Speaker 1>other person can't. So all of this stuff, this split

0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:50.199
<v Speaker 1>and everything is very fluid, but it really hinges on

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:54.679
<v Speaker 1>us communicating and talking about it. Like I think the

0:17:54.800 --> 0:17:57.040
<v Speaker 1>last kind of big thing we had was on the weekends,

0:17:57.040 --> 0:17:58.800
<v Speaker 1>we wanted to just like hang out and spend time

0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:02.439
<v Speaker 1>together as a family, and we wouldn't grocery shop right

0:18:02.760 --> 0:18:04.359
<v Speaker 1>because we were just like, oh, I don't want to

0:18:04.359 --> 0:18:06.200
<v Speaker 1>do that. It's not fun, Like let's just go fucking

0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:08.919
<v Speaker 1>scootering or something like. We wanted to hang out together,

0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.760
<v Speaker 1>and I was saying to him, I know, we don't

0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.640
<v Speaker 1>want to do that on weekend, but it means that

0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:16.600
<v Speaker 1>my whole week is fucked because on a Monday, I'm like,

0:18:17.040 --> 0:18:18.520
<v Speaker 1>what am I going to do for dinners this week?

0:18:18.600 --> 0:18:18.800
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:18:19.080 --> 0:18:21.360
<v Speaker 1>That was like the last check in that I remember,

0:18:21.840 --> 0:18:23.480
<v Speaker 1>And he was just like, oh shit, I didn't even

0:18:23.480 --> 0:18:25.560
<v Speaker 1>think about that, Like I didn't think about how much

0:18:25.600 --> 0:18:29.080
<v Speaker 1>that would impact the stress and the mental load of

0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.440
<v Speaker 1>your week. Not having like ticked that off the list

0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:32.840
<v Speaker 1>kind of.

0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.440
<v Speaker 2>Thing, and I think that that was one of the

0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:39.160
<v Speaker 2>biggest takeaways from the survey responses. So I put out

0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.120
<v Speaker 2>to the shit is about this and we'll talk more

0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:46.560
<v Speaker 2>about the results later, but that partners people aren't mind

0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:50.359
<v Speaker 2>to readers. Yes, So the fact that we expect them

0:18:50.920 --> 0:18:55.040
<v Speaker 2>to know what we're thinking or what we're getting angry

0:18:55.160 --> 0:18:59.360
<v Speaker 2>or resentful about is kind of ridiculous. And the assumption

0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:00.720
<v Speaker 2>always is, oh, they should just know.

0:19:00.840 --> 0:19:04.040
<v Speaker 1>But why Yeah, I've actually got a good example of this.

0:19:04.320 --> 0:19:09.040
<v Speaker 1>So yes, today and this is I will say, this

0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:10.600
<v Speaker 1>is something that I have really worked on.

0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:14.280
<v Speaker 2>Did Charlie ask you if you could do three things

0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:15.920
<v Speaker 2>instead of two one day?

0:19:16.119 --> 0:19:19.679
<v Speaker 1>That's exactly it. No. So he was working late the

0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:22.280
<v Speaker 1>night before. He had a shocking sleep, you know when

0:19:22.280 --> 0:19:24.800
<v Speaker 1>you're just so wide from working, and I think he

0:19:24.880 --> 0:19:27.080
<v Speaker 1>only got to bed at three point thirty in the morning, right,

0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:29.840
<v Speaker 1>and so he was really tired. So I said to him, Oh, like,

0:19:30.119 --> 0:19:32.919
<v Speaker 1>I've got physio and stuff. I'll do the drop off

0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:33.200
<v Speaker 1>in the.

0:19:33.119 --> 0:19:35.520
<v Speaker 2>Morning on lunch. I cannot do anything else. Yeah, I'm

0:19:35.520 --> 0:19:37.760
<v Speaker 2>never gonna let you leave that one down. Anyone playing

0:19:37.760 --> 0:19:39.399
<v Speaker 2>long at home asked her if she could do something

0:19:39.560 --> 0:19:41.000
<v Speaker 2>next week, and she goes.

0:19:41.680 --> 0:19:45.200
<v Speaker 1>No, I had to have a boundary. I have a

0:19:45.280 --> 0:19:49.919
<v Speaker 1>lunch and I have a phisio a cairo. Actually, I

0:19:49.960 --> 0:19:52.280
<v Speaker 1>will just say I have to have boundaries on this pregnancy,

0:19:52.320 --> 0:19:54.080
<v Speaker 1>otherwise I just get so strong.

0:19:54.200 --> 0:19:56.720
<v Speaker 2>I love that for you, but I will continue to make.

0:19:56.640 --> 0:20:01.320
<v Speaker 1>Play whatever anyway. So I did that. But what ended

0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.200
<v Speaker 1>up happening was because Rue didn't stick to my plan

0:20:04.280 --> 0:20:05.919
<v Speaker 1>of it taking half an hour for me to like

0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.040
<v Speaker 1>feed her and get her to day care. I was

0:20:08.080 --> 0:20:09.800
<v Speaker 1>so late, and I was so late that I didn't

0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:12.199
<v Speaker 1>look where my physio appointment was, so I ended up

0:20:12.200 --> 0:20:13.880
<v Speaker 1>parking on the street. I got one hundred and forty

0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:15.920
<v Speaker 1>dollars parking fine when I could have parked at the

0:20:15.920 --> 0:20:19.520
<v Speaker 1>Westfield and waddled over to my phissio. When I got home,

0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:22.000
<v Speaker 1>the dog had pissed inside because no one had let

0:20:22.040 --> 0:20:24.280
<v Speaker 1>him out. I thought Charlie let him out. Charlie thought

0:20:24.320 --> 0:20:26.520
<v Speaker 1>I had let him out. So I'm on the blower

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.080
<v Speaker 1>going did you let the dog out? Blah blah, And

0:20:29.080 --> 0:20:30.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm getting like really pissed off at him for that,

0:20:31.600 --> 0:20:33.880
<v Speaker 1>and then he's like, what, you don't need to take

0:20:33.880 --> 0:20:35.919
<v Speaker 1>it out on me, like blah blah blah, blah, and

0:20:35.960 --> 0:20:38.000
<v Speaker 1>then maybe an hour later, I was like, hey, look,

0:20:38.000 --> 0:20:40.320
<v Speaker 1>I'm just really pissed off because my morning was really

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:43.000
<v Speaker 1>stressful and I got a fine and I got parking

0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:44.600
<v Speaker 1>fine and then I had to clean up all this

0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:46.240
<v Speaker 1>piss and you know how hard it is to bend

0:20:46.240 --> 0:20:48.800
<v Speaker 1>over right now? Very hard, it's quite hard. There's a

0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:51.159
<v Speaker 1>big bowling ball on my way. And he was not

0:20:51.240 --> 0:20:54.639
<v Speaker 1>a really but he said, I'm sorry, Like, obviously I

0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:56.440
<v Speaker 1>didn't know any of that had happened. I'm really sorry

0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:58.399
<v Speaker 1>that you've had such a shit morning, but it was

0:20:58.520 --> 0:21:02.120
<v Speaker 1>identifying that I'm getting really angry at you right now.

0:21:02.160 --> 0:21:04.560
<v Speaker 1>But he doesn't know why. He doesn't know the context

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:06.480
<v Speaker 1>of the day. He's just like, why having such a

0:21:06.520 --> 0:21:10.760
<v Speaker 1>bitches Like it's really lost on your significant other if

0:21:10.800 --> 0:21:14.000
<v Speaker 1>you do not give them the context of why you're

0:21:14.040 --> 0:21:14.800
<v Speaker 1>at ten.

0:21:15.280 --> 0:21:18.000
<v Speaker 2>Yes, you know exactly. That is such a good example.

0:21:18.119 --> 0:21:23.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, So what are yours do well? When you

0:21:23.760 --> 0:21:24.400
<v Speaker 1>split a route?

0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:29.640
<v Speaker 2>Contribute to things pretty fifty to fifty, yeah, like mortgage bills,

0:21:29.880 --> 0:21:32.119
<v Speaker 2>everything just fifty to fifty. And then we've just like

0:21:32.160 --> 0:21:35.760
<v Speaker 2>look after different things. So I look after fun things.

0:21:35.800 --> 0:21:37.320
<v Speaker 2>I like paying for fun things, so I'm like, I'm

0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.240
<v Speaker 2>happy to pay for the holiday. I'm happy to pay

0:21:39.280 --> 0:21:42.120
<v Speaker 2>for your furniture. But when he recently is like, I'm

0:21:42.119 --> 0:21:44.000
<v Speaker 2>going to redo the laundry and I'm going to put

0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:46.240
<v Speaker 2>inducted air conditioning, I'm like, you compare for that?

0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:49.280
<v Speaker 1>Shit? How the fuck you getting ducted air confort free?

0:21:49.880 --> 0:21:52.600
<v Speaker 1>We're not no, as in like, you don't have to pay.

0:21:53.440 --> 0:21:55.800
<v Speaker 2>I'm thinking about getting him a new television for his birthday.

0:21:56.040 --> 0:21:59.760
<v Speaker 2>That's nice, but I like buying fun things. Yeah, okay,

0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:02.760
<v Speaker 2>don't like paying for boring.

0:22:02.840 --> 0:22:04.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you don't want to be like I just worked

0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:05.440
<v Speaker 1>to buy and.

0:22:05.480 --> 0:22:10.560
<v Speaker 2>Air conditioner boring. Whereas that's very you know, he loves that.

0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:18.000
<v Speaker 2>He's practical, very practical, and practical practical. That's a great

0:22:18.000 --> 0:22:20.720
<v Speaker 2>new love it. So I generally look after like the

0:22:20.840 --> 0:22:27.120
<v Speaker 2>daycare admin staff and Lenny's health stuff. Yeah, so like vaccinations.

0:22:27.960 --> 0:22:29.600
<v Speaker 2>I asked Luke once if he even knew what a

0:22:29.640 --> 0:22:32.359
<v Speaker 2>blue book was, and he did not, and that irritated me.

0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:35.360
<v Speaker 2>He actually does take Lenny's to the doctor a lot now,

0:22:35.400 --> 0:22:37.560
<v Speaker 2>but especially when he was younger, I did a lot

0:22:37.600 --> 0:22:37.840
<v Speaker 2>of that.

0:22:38.080 --> 0:22:38.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:22:38.359 --> 0:22:40.399
<v Speaker 2>No, I'm the one that's dealing with the adnoids and

0:22:40.400 --> 0:22:42.600
<v Speaker 2>grammets and Luke just thinks that he doesn't need it

0:22:42.640 --> 0:22:45.240
<v Speaker 2>and that sort of thing. Yeah, But then I don't

0:22:45.240 --> 0:22:47.760
<v Speaker 2>want to do anything gross or boring, so I make

0:22:47.880 --> 0:22:51.480
<v Speaker 2>Luke do like the bugs. He's on bug pest control

0:22:51.920 --> 0:22:54.800
<v Speaker 2>every three months because I have I hate spiders with

0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:58.480
<v Speaker 2>a passion, spiders and needles, hate them, the bins saying

0:22:58.560 --> 0:23:02.280
<v Speaker 2>don't want to touch you, yucky. And then strata very boring.

0:23:02.640 --> 0:23:04.320
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I get because it's a villa.

0:23:04.520 --> 0:23:06.080
<v Speaker 2>There's a bunch of so we've got to pay for,

0:23:06.160 --> 0:23:08.560
<v Speaker 2>like the driveways and the garden. Yeah, stuff, And I

0:23:08.640 --> 0:23:12.480
<v Speaker 2>don't care about strata. Just on the he's on the committee.

0:23:13.359 --> 0:23:16.280
<v Speaker 1>It's just so indicative of his personality to be on

0:23:16.320 --> 0:23:17.280
<v Speaker 1>the phone committee.

0:23:17.320 --> 0:23:20.359
<v Speaker 2>The committee. Sometimes I can hear them having it and

0:23:20.400 --> 0:23:22.920
<v Speaker 2>then he'll jump on the phone calls sometimes and I'll

0:23:22.960 --> 0:23:27.440
<v Speaker 2>be like, hey, Teresa, Hey Tyler, new garage doors looking good.

0:23:29.520 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 1>I love him so much and he's so genuine.

0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:36.480
<v Speaker 2>He's so genuine, whereas I would simply not.

0:23:37.040 --> 0:23:39.200
<v Speaker 1>I just love how like when I drive out, because

0:23:39.200 --> 0:23:41.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm over your house every Wednesday, it's spin day. When

0:23:41.720 --> 0:23:44.120
<v Speaker 1>I drive out, often he's bringing everyone's been.

0:23:44.880 --> 0:23:46.800
<v Speaker 2>Yes, but he has to leave some out there learning

0:23:46.920 --> 0:23:47.679
<v Speaker 2>likes to bring them in.

0:23:48.000 --> 0:23:49.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's just so sweet.

0:23:50.119 --> 0:23:54.960
<v Speaker 2>But Luke like, Aslen's gotten older, he'll do like little kickers. Yeah,

0:23:55.040 --> 0:23:57.560
<v Speaker 2>but I'm the one that's looking into swimming lessons and

0:23:57.560 --> 0:24:00.440
<v Speaker 2>that sort of thing. Yeah, I like to be in

0:24:00.520 --> 0:24:04.320
<v Speaker 2>charge of Lenny's clothes. But Luke also finds that really fine,

0:24:05.080 --> 0:24:07.800
<v Speaker 2>and that's a bit of a headbut situation.

0:24:08.040 --> 0:24:11.320
<v Speaker 1>It seems that they're competing aesthetics.

0:24:10.880 --> 0:24:15.120
<v Speaker 2>Very competing aesthetics, and alas my son is very team Dad.

0:24:15.760 --> 0:24:17.640
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because Dad's got all the fun.

0:24:17.480 --> 0:24:23.399
<v Speaker 2>Stuff dinosaurs and like pockets with diggers on them yuck,

0:24:23.560 --> 0:24:27.800
<v Speaker 2>and the bloody car shoes and such. I have big

0:24:27.840 --> 0:24:31.960
<v Speaker 2>boundaries around holidays with his side of the friends and

0:24:32.000 --> 0:24:34.520
<v Speaker 2>the family. What I mean by that is I will

0:24:34.520 --> 0:24:37.680
<v Speaker 2>not look after any gifts or cards or anything. So

0:24:37.760 --> 0:24:41.320
<v Speaker 2>if he wants niece and nephews or sisters in laws

0:24:41.400 --> 0:24:44.439
<v Speaker 2>or whatnot to have anything on his side, he is

0:24:44.520 --> 0:24:47.120
<v Speaker 2>responsible for that. If we go to a wedding on

0:24:47.160 --> 0:24:50.639
<v Speaker 2>his side, he is responsible. Maybe that's why his friends

0:24:50.680 --> 0:24:53.720
<v Speaker 2>don't like me, because they think that I've just never

0:24:54.119 --> 0:24:56.280
<v Speaker 2>given them a wedding card or something. I don't know

0:24:56.359 --> 0:25:01.040
<v Speaker 2>what he's done because that is his domain. Resumes to like,

0:25:01.080 --> 0:25:03.080
<v Speaker 2>if we get invited to one of his friend's kids

0:25:03.080 --> 0:25:04.840
<v Speaker 2>birthday parties, you want to get that kid a gift,

0:25:04.880 --> 0:25:08.199
<v Speaker 2>you go do it. Okay, I'm very much so like

0:25:08.960 --> 0:25:12.240
<v Speaker 2>that's my boundary, whereas like, I'm not going to babysit you.

0:25:12.240 --> 0:25:13.520
<v Speaker 2>You're not my extra child.

0:25:13.720 --> 0:25:16.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I get that. One of my love language is giving,

0:25:16.640 --> 0:25:19.199
<v Speaker 1>So on any scale, I'm like, I'll do it to

0:25:19.200 --> 0:25:19.480
<v Speaker 1>be fair.

0:25:19.480 --> 0:25:20.840
<v Speaker 2>If I know the kid, of course I want to

0:25:21.040 --> 0:25:22.160
<v Speaker 2>shop for Yeah, of course.

0:25:22.200 --> 0:25:24.879
<v Speaker 1>But if I don't know the kid, I do understand

0:25:24.920 --> 0:25:25.920
<v Speaker 1>that it's a good boundary to have.

0:25:26.040 --> 0:25:29.400
<v Speaker 2>We have a calendar, it's not that good at the moment.

0:25:29.480 --> 0:25:33.359
<v Speaker 2>We both book social things in digital or physical physical,

0:25:33.400 --> 0:25:36.400
<v Speaker 2>so it's actually needs a physical one because even when

0:25:36.440 --> 0:25:39.120
<v Speaker 2>I tell him things, he does not remember us. He'll

0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:40.359
<v Speaker 2>be like, hey, I'm going out with the boys on

0:25:40.359 --> 0:25:43.920
<v Speaker 2>Saturday night and I'm like, no, you're not. I told you,

0:25:44.000 --> 0:25:45.880
<v Speaker 2>and I've had this booked in for months. But then

0:25:45.920 --> 0:25:49.639
<v Speaker 2>he says, oh, You've got something on it every Saturday

0:25:49.640 --> 0:25:50.800
<v Speaker 2>for the rest of the year. I'm like, well, I

0:25:50.840 --> 0:25:53.760
<v Speaker 2>booked it in. Yeah, you and your friends need to

0:25:53.800 --> 0:25:57.200
<v Speaker 2>get I wonder why they don't like me. You guys

0:25:57.240 --> 0:25:59.280
<v Speaker 2>need to be more organizing. You can't tell me four

0:25:59.359 --> 0:26:01.399
<v Speaker 2>days before and just hope that I don't have something on.

0:26:01.560 --> 0:26:04.040
<v Speaker 1>Has he done the thing where he's been first and

0:26:04.080 --> 0:26:06.960
<v Speaker 1>you've been like, because that happened, Charlie like learned that

0:26:07.040 --> 0:26:10.280
<v Speaker 1>lesson pretty quickly. Like he puts stuff in the calendar.

0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:13.080
<v Speaker 1>I'll see things and I flip over to on your month,

0:26:13.080 --> 0:26:15.160
<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, oh, oh, sir, so good.

0:26:15.080 --> 0:26:18.199
<v Speaker 2>Organized though it genuinely wouldn't bother me though, because I

0:26:18.280 --> 0:26:22.840
<v Speaker 2>just would take lan yeah right, not go, or i'd

0:26:22.880 --> 0:26:24.000
<v Speaker 2>ask for help.

0:26:24.320 --> 0:26:26.360
<v Speaker 1>I think the calendar goes through stages where it's really

0:26:26.359 --> 0:26:29.240
<v Speaker 1>good and really bad. Honestly, it's just like it's with anything, right.

0:26:29.359 --> 0:26:31.680
<v Speaker 2>It's just that Luke doesn't use it until four days

0:26:31.720 --> 0:26:36.200
<v Speaker 2>beforehand because boys tend to be quite unorganized social activities,

0:26:36.200 --> 0:26:38.720
<v Speaker 2>where girls are like, let's lock in our Christmas line.

0:26:39.080 --> 0:26:42.920
<v Speaker 1>There's four months in advance, especially because everyone has most

0:26:42.960 --> 0:26:44.640
<v Speaker 1>people have kids now that it's like.

0:26:44.720 --> 0:26:47.960
<v Speaker 2>Oh, even before we were always yeah, and both of

0:26:48.040 --> 0:26:50.480
<v Speaker 2>us have like quite active social lives, me probably more

0:26:50.520 --> 0:26:53.320
<v Speaker 2>so than him. I just thought like, and I you know,

0:26:53.400 --> 0:26:55.240
<v Speaker 2>as I've said, at the start of the episode. Social

0:26:55.320 --> 0:26:58.160
<v Speaker 2>stuff is very important and that time with your friends.

0:26:58.600 --> 0:27:01.119
<v Speaker 2>And it used to blow my mind when Lenny was

0:27:01.160 --> 0:27:03.800
<v Speaker 2>little and I was still going out all the time

0:27:03.840 --> 0:27:06.760
<v Speaker 2>and still doing stuff, and people would go, where's Lenny,

0:27:06.880 --> 0:27:12.240
<v Speaker 2>or who's looking after Lenny? His father? Yeah, the other

0:27:12.400 --> 0:27:15.760
<v Speaker 2>person that chose to have a baby with me.

0:27:15.960 --> 0:27:18.360
<v Speaker 1>It's an interesting thing because I reckon, if Luke had

0:27:18.480 --> 0:27:21.879
<v Speaker 1>been socializing or whatever, do you reckon, anyone would have

0:27:21.880 --> 0:27:24.320
<v Speaker 1>asked him where Lenny one was. I don't actually think

0:27:24.520 --> 0:27:27.080
<v Speaker 1>that people would ask the dad that because the assumptions

0:27:27.119 --> 0:27:30.080
<v Speaker 1>like they would know that of course Lenny was with Kelly.

0:27:30.359 --> 0:27:31.080
<v Speaker 2>Baby is fine.

0:27:31.119 --> 0:27:34.280
<v Speaker 1>But for some reason, it's like the first thought isn't like, oh,

0:27:34.280 --> 0:27:38.040
<v Speaker 1>the dad's with the kid that they both made, that.

0:27:38.200 --> 0:27:41.560
<v Speaker 2>They chose to have it together. Yeah, dinner. I tend

0:27:41.680 --> 0:27:43.919
<v Speaker 2>to cook more because I'm better at it.

0:27:44.080 --> 0:27:45.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and you even cook meat for him, which is

0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:47.760
<v Speaker 1>so nice. As a vegetarian, I always have to cook

0:27:47.760 --> 0:27:48.240
<v Speaker 1>it for Lenny.

0:27:48.320 --> 0:27:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, both, but I did even before Land I've always

0:27:50.359 --> 0:27:52.280
<v Speaker 2>cooked meat. But then Luke does way more of the

0:27:52.320 --> 0:27:55.640
<v Speaker 2>cleaning and stuff like that because I just don't care

0:27:55.680 --> 0:27:59.199
<v Speaker 2>about cleanliness really or tidying more so tidy, and then

0:27:59.280 --> 0:28:01.119
<v Speaker 2>I just do chores list. At the moment we've got

0:28:01.160 --> 0:28:03.080
<v Speaker 2>one on the table. When things are getting out of

0:28:03.080 --> 0:28:06.359
<v Speaker 2>control with like spring cleaning stuff, we've got chores list.

0:28:06.640 --> 0:28:08.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh I like that, and.

0:28:08.080 --> 0:28:10.160
<v Speaker 2>You just have to like make sure it's pretty even

0:28:10.280 --> 0:28:11.720
<v Speaker 2>and then you just cross it off.

0:28:11.800 --> 0:28:12.520
<v Speaker 1>I love to do that.

0:28:17.440 --> 0:28:20.399
<v Speaker 2>A lot of the time. It's not that men are incompetent,

0:28:20.440 --> 0:28:22.480
<v Speaker 2>you know how You're like, it's a bit of a generalization,

0:28:22.600 --> 0:28:24.840
<v Speaker 2>not all men, and I completely agree. I don't think

0:28:24.920 --> 0:28:29.560
<v Speaker 2>that men are all incompetent. It's that women allow them

0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:32.880
<v Speaker 2>to be incompetent and enable their shitty behavior because they're

0:28:32.880 --> 0:28:34.000
<v Speaker 2>trying to control everything.

0:28:34.400 --> 0:28:36.240
<v Speaker 1>But I also think there's another factor on this. Yes,

0:28:36.280 --> 0:28:38.920
<v Speaker 1>I agree with that, but I also think it's external pressures,

0:28:39.000 --> 0:28:42.760
<v Speaker 1>right because I feel like, say, the man is in

0:28:42.840 --> 0:28:45.520
<v Speaker 1>charge of something that's not done to this certain standard.

0:28:46.120 --> 0:28:49.520
<v Speaker 1>I think the woman is stressed out about how like

0:28:49.640 --> 0:28:54.920
<v Speaker 1>external judgments on that. But why the assumption that men

0:28:54.960 --> 0:28:56.560
<v Speaker 1>are allowed to be messy and women aren't.

0:28:56.760 --> 0:28:59.640
<v Speaker 2>Am I a bloke, I just would never think that.

0:28:59.880 --> 0:29:01.840
<v Speaker 2>I do not think that because I'm a woman, the

0:29:01.880 --> 0:29:04.320
<v Speaker 2>assumption is that I'm clean no, but like.

0:29:04.280 --> 0:29:07.160
<v Speaker 1>The assumption is that you can't be untidy. Remember when

0:29:07.200 --> 0:29:10.760
<v Speaker 1>you put that video up, being like, oh my god,

0:29:11.200 --> 0:29:12.240
<v Speaker 1>this is what I'm talking about.

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:14.840
<v Speaker 2>This is me who's like usually water off a duck's back.

0:29:14.880 --> 0:29:16.840
<v Speaker 2>I end up having to message them and be like,

0:29:16.840 --> 0:29:20.160
<v Speaker 2>can you please like turn comments off? This is awful because.

0:29:19.920 --> 0:29:22.760
<v Speaker 1>People were so nasty and all I saw was, oh

0:29:22.800 --> 0:29:24.960
<v Speaker 1>my god, thank god, there's another one of me out

0:29:25.000 --> 0:29:28.880
<v Speaker 1>there for context. Cultoka social video just showing that house

0:29:28.920 --> 0:29:30.000
<v Speaker 1>silly like.

0:29:29.960 --> 0:29:33.080
<v Speaker 2>It was people were doing, you know, this is my house.

0:29:33.600 --> 0:29:36.000
<v Speaker 2>I was basically just doing a silly like this is

0:29:36.040 --> 0:29:40.480
<v Speaker 2>actually our house in the exact moment. It is a disaster, Yeah,

0:29:40.480 --> 0:29:42.640
<v Speaker 2>because no one ever shows what a real messy house

0:29:42.680 --> 0:29:46.320
<v Speaker 2>can look like sometimes totally and the comments or from

0:29:46.360 --> 0:29:48.480
<v Speaker 2>women exactly That's.

0:29:48.360 --> 0:29:50.000
<v Speaker 1>What I'm talking about, right, There is a lot of

0:29:50.080 --> 0:29:50.960
<v Speaker 1>judgment on women.

0:29:51.440 --> 0:29:52.280
<v Speaker 2>That's a really good point.

0:29:52.320 --> 0:29:55.080
<v Speaker 1>You keep a tidy house to keep on top of

0:29:55.160 --> 0:29:58.400
<v Speaker 1>gift giving, Like, there's all of these things that ultimately,

0:29:58.400 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 1>if it doesn't happen, a woman in the relationship is

0:30:01.240 --> 0:30:03.720
<v Speaker 1>going to feel like they've done something wrong. So I

0:30:03.800 --> 0:30:06.080
<v Speaker 1>kind of understand the level of control was. It's like

0:30:06.400 --> 0:30:08.120
<v Speaker 1>it'll get done and then I don't have to worry

0:30:08.120 --> 0:30:09.760
<v Speaker 1>about being judged, et cetera, etc.

0:30:10.200 --> 0:30:12.680
<v Speaker 2>But you know what, the only person that can break

0:30:12.720 --> 0:30:16.160
<v Speaker 2>that cycle is yourself. Todcase, if you are going to

0:30:16.480 --> 0:30:21.160
<v Speaker 2>winge about your husband, I'm generalizing husband not cleaning the bathrooms,

0:30:21.520 --> 0:30:23.640
<v Speaker 2>but they do clean the bathrooms and you critique the

0:30:23.680 --> 0:30:25.800
<v Speaker 2>way that they do it hard if they haven't done

0:30:25.840 --> 0:30:29.560
<v Speaker 2>it to your standard, that's ridiculous. If you want something

0:30:29.600 --> 0:30:32.239
<v Speaker 2>done in a particular way, you have to do it,

0:30:32.280 --> 0:30:34.760
<v Speaker 2>Like why should someone else do it in a particular

0:30:34.840 --> 0:30:37.560
<v Speaker 2>way that's yours if they wouldn't do it if you

0:30:37.640 --> 0:30:38.200
<v Speaker 2>weren't there.

0:30:38.440 --> 0:30:41.360
<v Speaker 1>That was the biggest positive thing that I learned early

0:30:41.400 --> 0:30:44.080
<v Speaker 1>on with Charlie and I when we moved in together.

0:30:44.280 --> 0:30:47.040
<v Speaker 1>It was like me basically being like, oh, just do

0:30:47.120 --> 0:30:49.760
<v Speaker 1>it because you're not going to do it properly. But

0:30:50.400 --> 0:30:52.920
<v Speaker 1>the more he did it, the better it became, you

0:30:52.960 --> 0:30:54.480
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean. It was because I wasn't letting

0:30:54.560 --> 0:30:57.000
<v Speaker 1>him have the same I do it to do it.

0:30:57.640 --> 0:30:59.800
<v Speaker 1>And it was such an important lesson because it's like,

0:31:00.080 --> 0:31:02.560
<v Speaker 1>how are you supposed to learn if you're not given

0:31:02.600 --> 0:31:04.360
<v Speaker 1>the space to do it? And if what you're doing

0:31:04.440 --> 0:31:07.160
<v Speaker 1>is being critiqued. It doesn't inspire you to clean more.

0:31:07.400 --> 0:31:10.440
<v Speaker 2>And also maybe they have a different way of cleaning,

0:31:10.680 --> 0:31:13.720
<v Speaker 2>and maybe they'll still get there in the end that

0:31:13.880 --> 0:31:15.720
<v Speaker 2>you might have done something a little bit differently, but

0:31:15.760 --> 0:31:16.400
<v Speaker 2>who cares.

0:31:16.760 --> 0:31:19.840
<v Speaker 1>Totally. I've got an example for that. When I cook,

0:31:19.840 --> 0:31:22.760
<v Speaker 1>I clean as I go, so literally the last thing

0:31:23.160 --> 0:31:24.840
<v Speaker 1>that will be done is I just put the plate

0:31:24.880 --> 0:31:28.080
<v Speaker 1>and that we ate off into the dishwasher. Charlie was

0:31:28.120 --> 0:31:30.920
<v Speaker 1>a disaster. There'll be shit everywhere, pots, pans, blah blah,

0:31:30.960 --> 0:31:34.080
<v Speaker 1>blah blah. If you see him cook today, he cooks

0:31:34.120 --> 0:31:37.440
<v Speaker 1>exactly like I do. Really like he's seen things right

0:31:37.520 --> 0:31:39.720
<v Speaker 1>because he's just learned. He's like, oh, because we're in

0:31:39.800 --> 0:31:42.440
<v Speaker 1>a small space, Like I've always lived in a small space,

0:31:42.440 --> 0:31:44.680
<v Speaker 1>always had tiny kitchen, so I have had to, out

0:31:44.720 --> 0:31:47.440
<v Speaker 1>of necessity clean as I go, whereas he's grown up

0:31:47.440 --> 0:31:50.000
<v Speaker 1>in houses and there's like space to kind of put

0:31:50.000 --> 0:31:51.719
<v Speaker 1>things and then do a big clean band, you know.

0:31:52.280 --> 0:31:55.000
<v Speaker 1>So it was really interesting and I haven't even mentioned

0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:58.960
<v Speaker 1>to him, but just seeing him learn that, being like, oh,

0:31:59.000 --> 0:32:01.160
<v Speaker 1>this is a better use of space is actually But

0:32:02.240 --> 0:32:05.520
<v Speaker 1>if he hadn't learned, the end results still would have

0:32:05.600 --> 0:32:09.680
<v Speaker 1>been that the cooking and cleaning was done totally. You know,

0:32:09.840 --> 0:32:12.040
<v Speaker 1>like I wasn't critiquing him, but it was interesting to

0:32:12.080 --> 0:32:15.720
<v Speaker 1>see that you kind of do naturally pick up on

0:32:15.920 --> 0:32:16.680
<v Speaker 1>things anyway.

0:32:16.800 --> 0:32:19.160
<v Speaker 2>So if you just sometimes because Luke's you, he will

0:32:19.200 --> 0:32:21.480
<v Speaker 2>clean as he go and I'm Charlie, I'm a disaster.

0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:24.680
<v Speaker 2>I've never learned. But you know what, everyone still eats

0:32:24.720 --> 0:32:26.240
<v Speaker 2>and Luke then cleans the kitchen.

0:32:26.440 --> 0:32:28.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, totally totally.

0:32:28.600 --> 0:32:30.400
<v Speaker 2>So maybe that's why I'm just like, I'm not cooking

0:32:30.400 --> 0:32:33.440
<v Speaker 2>and clean and I've always lived in pretty small spaces too.

0:32:33.600 --> 0:32:36.600
<v Speaker 1>Have you heard about this theory lately that someone said,

0:32:37.240 --> 0:32:39.200
<v Speaker 1>if you cook, you have to clean.

0:32:40.320 --> 0:32:42.840
<v Speaker 2>That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard in my time.

0:32:42.960 --> 0:32:44.840
<v Speaker 1>And it was a big uproar because everyone was like

0:32:44.880 --> 0:32:48.160
<v Speaker 1>absolutely not, like what is the argument pro I think

0:32:48.200 --> 0:32:50.040
<v Speaker 1>it was like a TikTok video that was like, well,

0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:52.720
<v Speaker 1>what if you're a person that uses every single pot

0:32:52.720 --> 0:32:54.840
<v Speaker 1>and pan, and it's like, well, you're the person that

0:32:55.040 --> 0:32:56.400
<v Speaker 1>ate it and didn't have to do anything, like the

0:32:56.520 --> 0:32:59.040
<v Speaker 1>least you can do is tidy up exactly. I think

0:32:59.040 --> 0:33:00.680
<v Speaker 1>it was just someone trying to go against the grain

0:33:00.760 --> 0:33:04.880
<v Speaker 1>and create a whole internet baiting basically, yeah, and everyone

0:33:04.920 --> 0:33:07.320
<v Speaker 1>fucking took the bait because I was like, absolutely not.

0:33:07.400 --> 0:33:08.280
<v Speaker 1>Who did you grow up with?

0:33:08.600 --> 0:33:11.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah? Anyway, And also then you have a discussion and say, please,

0:33:11.880 --> 0:33:14.440
<v Speaker 2>don't cook things where you use every single one and pan,

0:33:15.400 --> 0:33:18.200
<v Speaker 2>Like Luke, sometimes I'll make things and he'll be like, seriously,

0:33:19.240 --> 0:33:21.880
<v Speaker 2>could you at least have put baking paper down? And

0:33:21.920 --> 0:33:24.720
<v Speaker 2>I also, on that note, think like, don't also try

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:27.560
<v Speaker 2>to control what they do with your kids or how

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:30.560
<v Speaker 2>they parent, Like, as long as your values are aligned,

0:33:31.000 --> 0:33:32.720
<v Speaker 2>it's okay that their parenting style is.

0:33:32.960 --> 0:33:33.720
<v Speaker 1>I love it that.

0:33:33.840 --> 0:33:36.720
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that's something I've had to learn as well. And

0:33:36.880 --> 0:33:38.760
<v Speaker 2>Luke and I have discussed a lot with the marriage

0:33:38.760 --> 0:33:42.520
<v Speaker 2>counselor because our parenting styles are actually very different, but

0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:45.160
<v Speaker 2>our values are the exact same.

0:33:45.320 --> 0:33:45.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:33:45.680 --> 0:33:47.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, So at the end of the day, we just

0:33:47.400 --> 0:33:50.520
<v Speaker 2>want Lenny to be like a well rounded person.

0:33:50.320 --> 0:33:53.400
<v Speaker 1>Same outcome, different journeys to get exactly right.

0:33:53.840 --> 0:33:56.240
<v Speaker 2>So and same with the cleaning. Don't be a marter

0:33:56.600 --> 0:33:58.760
<v Speaker 2>and say you haven't been away for a girl's weekend

0:33:58.760 --> 0:34:02.080
<v Speaker 2>in years, books thing, your partner is perfectly capable of

0:34:02.080 --> 0:34:03.840
<v Speaker 2>looking after their own children without you.

0:34:04.520 --> 0:34:04.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:34:04.920 --> 0:34:07.000
<v Speaker 2>On the calendar book something.

0:34:07.760 --> 0:34:10.000
<v Speaker 1>It's interesting, isn't it. Because I've made friends with this

0:34:10.080 --> 0:34:14.400
<v Speaker 1>chicken daycare and her kid is just about to turn too.

0:34:15.120 --> 0:34:17.000
<v Speaker 1>I just what to do on the weekend. She's like, oh,

0:34:17.320 --> 0:34:19.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, I went on this girl's surfing trip. It's

0:34:19.600 --> 0:34:21.200
<v Speaker 1>the first time I've left my son. And I was like,

0:34:21.920 --> 0:34:25.040
<v Speaker 1>in two years and two years, wow.

0:34:24.680 --> 0:34:27.520
<v Speaker 2>I'm good on her for finally doing something totally.

0:34:27.520 --> 0:34:29.640
<v Speaker 1>But then I just thought to myself, like, Charlie and

0:34:29.640 --> 0:34:32.840
<v Speaker 1>I we with no family, really insane. I've got my

0:34:32.840 --> 0:34:34.359
<v Speaker 1>brother and sister in law, but they also had young

0:34:34.440 --> 0:34:35.960
<v Speaker 1>kids at the same time, so you're not just like

0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:39.160
<v Speaker 1>dropping your kids over when they've also got young kids.

0:34:39.880 --> 0:34:44.040
<v Speaker 1>But we've managed to have some time away, you know,

0:34:44.280 --> 0:34:46.799
<v Speaker 1>because it's been really important. I just think, like, you

0:34:47.040 --> 0:34:49.279
<v Speaker 1>have to, you have to, you have to and do

0:34:49.360 --> 0:34:50.680
<v Speaker 1>it sooner rather than like, and it.

0:34:50.640 --> 0:34:53.759
<v Speaker 2>Doesn't have to be a mini break like. Obviously, finances

0:34:53.760 --> 0:34:56.440
<v Speaker 2>are different for everyone. Once a week go to a

0:34:56.560 --> 0:34:59.560
<v Speaker 2>walk by yourself or with a girlfriend. You need to

0:34:59.600 --> 0:35:00.840
<v Speaker 2>carve out time for yourself.

0:35:01.080 --> 0:35:02.040
<v Speaker 1>It's super important.

0:35:02.040 --> 0:35:04.400
<v Speaker 2>I will continue to shout this from the rooftop. You

0:35:04.520 --> 0:35:08.840
<v Speaker 2>chose to have your children with someone they are perfectly

0:35:08.880 --> 0:35:12.120
<v Speaker 2>capable of looking after their own children and if they're not,

0:35:13.120 --> 0:35:13.879
<v Speaker 2>get out of there.

0:35:14.239 --> 0:35:16.759
<v Speaker 1>Yea freelancing I have to do a lot of work

0:35:16.760 --> 0:35:18.680
<v Speaker 1>on weekends because I need to have it on more

0:35:18.760 --> 0:35:20.680
<v Speaker 1>days of daycare than I currently do. But next year

0:35:20.680 --> 0:35:23.279
<v Speaker 1>we will. But I love, like my favorite thing is

0:35:23.320 --> 0:35:25.360
<v Speaker 1>like Charlie will take her for a whole Sunday so

0:35:25.440 --> 0:35:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I can work. Same favorite thing is seeing what they

0:35:29.560 --> 0:35:30.000
<v Speaker 1>get up to.

0:35:30.239 --> 0:35:32.280
<v Speaker 2>Same but they have so much fun.

0:35:32.640 --> 0:35:35.040
<v Speaker 1>She comes back and she's like Chippy.

0:35:35.400 --> 0:35:36.040
<v Speaker 2>You're like great.

0:35:36.560 --> 0:35:38.640
<v Speaker 1>Charlie's like I told you not to tell mom, but

0:35:38.800 --> 0:35:40.759
<v Speaker 1>just like seeing the fun stuff that they do out

0:35:40.800 --> 0:35:42.240
<v Speaker 1>at restaurants.

0:35:41.680 --> 0:35:43.800
<v Speaker 2>Like at the park, like Eyelayground.

0:35:44.080 --> 0:35:46.480
<v Speaker 1>That is so amute because I get that on my

0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:49.480
<v Speaker 1>days with her, right like my Thursdays, my Fridays. That

0:35:49.560 --> 0:35:51.040
<v Speaker 1>is it like we have our things that we do

0:35:51.120 --> 0:35:54.359
<v Speaker 1>together him having that time where they're doing like their

0:35:54.440 --> 0:35:55.359
<v Speaker 1>secret things and.

0:35:55.320 --> 0:35:58.279
<v Speaker 2>Eating Chippy and bonding, having a special time.

0:35:58.320 --> 0:36:01.160
<v Speaker 1>It's so And then all the cute videos at night

0:36:01.200 --> 0:36:03.799
<v Speaker 1>before we go to bed and they're like hilarious, Like

0:36:04.200 --> 0:36:06.840
<v Speaker 1>it's actually awesome to see it.

0:36:07.200 --> 0:36:10.839
<v Speaker 2>Shout out to any other freelancer Hot Tip Sundays are

0:36:10.840 --> 0:36:13.040
<v Speaker 2>the best days to work because no one emails you back.

0:36:14.120 --> 0:36:16.800
<v Speaker 2>So when we put it out to the shitters, eighty

0:36:16.840 --> 0:36:19.640
<v Speaker 2>six percent of you that responded said that you were

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:22.000
<v Speaker 2>the primary parent, and the rest said fifty to fifty.

0:36:22.040 --> 0:36:24.120
<v Speaker 2>So no one that responded said that they weren't.

0:36:24.480 --> 0:36:24.879
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow.

0:36:25.239 --> 0:36:28.360
<v Speaker 2>Seventy six percent said that they thought the load, which

0:36:28.719 --> 0:36:34.359
<v Speaker 2>considered as household chores, life admin, financial contributions, childcare, and

0:36:34.440 --> 0:36:37.520
<v Speaker 2>time with friends was equally shared in their partnerships. That's

0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:40.080
<v Speaker 2>a lot of people that don't feel like it's currently fair.

0:36:41.400 --> 0:36:44.400
<v Speaker 2>And then I felt like, I'm going to read out

0:36:44.880 --> 0:36:48.040
<v Speaker 2>a couple of responses that we can have a chat

0:36:48.080 --> 0:36:51.520
<v Speaker 2>about that just sort of like summed up the vibe

0:36:51.560 --> 0:36:53.480
<v Speaker 2>of a lot of the different responses, and then we're

0:36:53.520 --> 0:36:56.000
<v Speaker 2>going to go into tips and we'll also share heaps

0:36:56.040 --> 0:36:57.879
<v Speaker 2>of them on socials because there were some great ones.

0:36:58.000 --> 0:37:01.040
<v Speaker 2>Oh I love that someone has written household and garden

0:37:01.120 --> 0:37:04.600
<v Speaker 2>chores essentially all completed by me due to being the

0:37:04.600 --> 0:37:06.640
<v Speaker 2>one who is at home more. I work two to

0:37:06.680 --> 0:37:09.480
<v Speaker 2>three days per week, husband is full time. My husband

0:37:09.520 --> 0:37:12.400
<v Speaker 2>out earns me considerably, but I still struggle with this

0:37:12.520 --> 0:37:15.480
<v Speaker 2>being fair. That said, he does try to cook a

0:37:15.520 --> 0:37:17.920
<v Speaker 2>meal when time allows.

0:37:19.840 --> 0:37:21.400
<v Speaker 1>It's hard, right.

0:37:21.320 --> 0:37:23.560
<v Speaker 2>It isn't fair. I will tell you right now. Because

0:37:23.600 --> 0:37:26.520
<v Speaker 2>your husband is working five days a week, you are

0:37:26.600 --> 0:37:30.239
<v Speaker 2>working ten days in seven days, because you are working

0:37:30.320 --> 0:37:32.600
<v Speaker 2>your two to three days plus seven days full time,

0:37:32.640 --> 0:37:34.760
<v Speaker 2>if you're looking after everything, and if you're.

0:37:34.600 --> 0:37:36.920
<v Speaker 1>Working at homeme, you're often like you.

0:37:36.880 --> 0:37:39.840
<v Speaker 2>Do the admin, I do the washing and yeah yeah,

0:37:39.880 --> 0:37:41.480
<v Speaker 2>because no one wants to do washing on the weekend.

0:37:42.520 --> 0:37:44.800
<v Speaker 2>And it does make sense when you work from home. Yeah,

0:37:45.000 --> 0:37:48.759
<v Speaker 2>but it's not fair and you do need to be

0:37:48.800 --> 0:37:51.080
<v Speaker 2>putting some more boundaries in place. I would say to

0:37:51.280 --> 0:37:52.760
<v Speaker 2>things that you're working.

0:37:53.400 --> 0:37:56.640
<v Speaker 1>Also, I argue that like going to work and working

0:37:56.920 --> 0:38:01.719
<v Speaker 1>for someone mate, there's good bound in a workplace such

0:38:01.880 --> 0:38:04.320
<v Speaker 1>at this time you're meant to have a lunch break,

0:38:04.640 --> 0:38:07.799
<v Speaker 1>you can go out for coffee, conversation at the water wall,

0:38:08.400 --> 0:38:12.000
<v Speaker 1>you know. But like it's good healthy boundaries in place

0:38:12.000 --> 0:38:14.439
<v Speaker 1>at work you don't really have you get to sit

0:38:14.520 --> 0:38:18.720
<v Speaker 1>down and eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's actually quite a treat.

0:38:19.600 --> 0:38:22.200
<v Speaker 2>So I just I really think that well, I would

0:38:22.280 --> 0:38:24.239
<v Speaker 2>like to acknowledge you and tell you that it isn't fair.

0:38:24.320 --> 0:38:27.240
<v Speaker 2>Your feelings are very valid. I think that he should

0:38:27.280 --> 0:38:31.120
<v Speaker 2>be contributing to the garden and household things more, because that's.

0:38:30.920 --> 0:38:34.160
<v Speaker 1>Just not fair. That's like a weekend thing exactly.

0:38:35.120 --> 0:38:38.000
<v Speaker 2>I do everything major, the big picture stuff, the details.

0:38:38.040 --> 0:38:40.720
<v Speaker 2>I see everything that needs to be done and organize

0:38:40.719 --> 0:38:43.520
<v Speaker 2>and prioritize it. This is constant and never ending. I

0:38:43.560 --> 0:38:45.719
<v Speaker 2>can't even get my partner to help out with things

0:38:45.719 --> 0:38:48.440
<v Speaker 2>I've assigned to him. Over a month ago there was

0:38:48.480 --> 0:38:50.279
<v Speaker 2>a big storm and I'm still waiting for him to

0:38:50.320 --> 0:38:53.760
<v Speaker 2>even get into contact with a rufer. He forgets important

0:38:53.760 --> 0:38:56.200
<v Speaker 2>things if I don't help pack for the children, and

0:38:56.239 --> 0:38:59.120
<v Speaker 2>if he takes them out their stuff forgotten. Yes, I

0:38:59.200 --> 0:39:01.280
<v Speaker 2>have tried him to do it alone.

0:39:02.239 --> 0:39:04.520
<v Speaker 1>I will say though, that packing thing.

0:39:06.280 --> 0:39:08.760
<v Speaker 2>You've got a great tip though, Yeah, you learn fast

0:39:08.760 --> 0:39:09.319
<v Speaker 2>and you have to.

0:39:09.320 --> 0:39:11.560
<v Speaker 1>Let them fail. Like and this is what my girlfriend

0:39:11.560 --> 0:39:15.640
<v Speaker 1>said to me. Charlie booked a flight just an annoying

0:39:15.680 --> 0:39:17.759
<v Speaker 1>time when you've got a little kid, and I was

0:39:17.800 --> 0:39:19.600
<v Speaker 1>like bitching about it on the phone. Tour this was

0:39:19.640 --> 0:39:21.520
<v Speaker 1>like early days. I'm like, this is right in the

0:39:21.520 --> 0:39:22.920
<v Speaker 1>middle of a nap time, Like this is going to

0:39:22.960 --> 0:39:25.200
<v Speaker 1>be fucked getting there. Brah brah rah. He wanted to

0:39:25.320 --> 0:39:27.799
<v Speaker 1>leave really late, and I was like we're I miss

0:39:27.800 --> 0:39:30.000
<v Speaker 1>a fly. Like this is so annoying. It's like, let's

0:39:30.040 --> 0:39:32.040
<v Speaker 1>just get there and be chilled. Yeah, she was like,

0:39:32.200 --> 0:39:33.400
<v Speaker 1>if you miss the flight, you missed a fly.

0:39:33.560 --> 0:39:37.160
<v Speaker 2>But then the lessons learnt, like yes, don't like try

0:39:37.160 --> 0:39:40.520
<v Speaker 2>to control everything, just like, yeah, it's.

0:39:40.440 --> 0:39:43.120
<v Speaker 1>Annoying in the moment, but that's the lesson, Like that's

0:39:43.160 --> 0:39:46.080
<v Speaker 1>the actual real life lesson of it. So it is difficult.

0:39:46.080 --> 0:39:47.160
<v Speaker 1>But I mean, what are you going to do? Live

0:39:47.160 --> 0:39:49.719
<v Speaker 1>with the leaking roof for another six months? Like that

0:39:49.880 --> 0:39:53.880
<v Speaker 1>should be making someone, yeah, to call a roofer.

0:39:54.239 --> 0:39:56.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't actually know how she can fix this one.

0:39:57.000 --> 0:39:58.600
<v Speaker 1>It's always a conversation.

0:39:58.280 --> 0:40:02.960
<v Speaker 2>Lock him outside until he does. Maybe I'm a little

0:40:02.960 --> 0:40:04.719
<v Speaker 2>bit of a fan of sometimes a little bit of

0:40:04.760 --> 0:40:05.520
<v Speaker 2>gentle bullying.

0:40:05.800 --> 0:40:09.719
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes it could be like, hey, sending a link to

0:40:10.320 --> 0:40:13.640
<v Speaker 1>you've just googled, like roofer in the area sending the

0:40:13.880 --> 0:40:15.680
<v Speaker 1>link to the search results.

0:40:16.239 --> 0:40:18.719
<v Speaker 2>FAYI just be like, hey, you then having to take

0:40:18.719 --> 0:40:20.240
<v Speaker 2>the mental load though it's annoying.

0:40:20.440 --> 0:40:23.160
<v Speaker 1>I want him to have called it six months ago.

0:40:23.200 --> 0:40:24.680
<v Speaker 1>I have a better idea, all right, tell.

0:40:24.560 --> 0:40:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Me tell me unhinged advice with kel all right, look

0:40:29.560 --> 0:40:31.680
<v Speaker 2>settle in, all right, The thing with the roof. What

0:40:31.719 --> 0:40:34.040
<v Speaker 2>I want you to do is get a bucket and

0:40:34.120 --> 0:40:37.200
<v Speaker 2>place it next to the bed, his side of the bed,

0:40:37.440 --> 0:40:40.279
<v Speaker 2>and when he gets home, just be like, oh, I

0:40:40.280 --> 0:40:43.200
<v Speaker 2>think the roof's been leaking in our room. I've put

0:40:43.200 --> 0:40:45.240
<v Speaker 2>a bucket in there. Should be all fine, but not sure.

0:40:45.600 --> 0:40:50.240
<v Speaker 2>Make sure that you've poured water all over his side

0:40:50.239 --> 0:40:55.200
<v Speaker 2>of the bed. I'm stop laughing, I'm deadly serious. Okay,

0:40:55.239 --> 0:40:58.360
<v Speaker 2>this is how you get hit done. Yeah, okay, that

0:40:58.480 --> 0:41:00.440
<v Speaker 2>is how I want you to deal with the roofs situation.

0:41:01.160 --> 0:41:04.239
<v Speaker 2>They're not packing the children's bags properly. You need to

0:41:04.280 --> 0:41:08.600
<v Speaker 2>actually go away and let him fail miserably. Yeah, so

0:41:08.640 --> 0:41:11.560
<v Speaker 2>you need to book like a weekend away and not

0:41:11.800 --> 0:41:15.239
<v Speaker 2>help with anything. He's a grown up. He will have

0:41:15.280 --> 0:41:17.479
<v Speaker 2>to problem solve in the end. So if he leaves

0:41:17.520 --> 0:41:20.160
<v Speaker 2>the house without nappies, without snacks, whatever it is, or

0:41:20.200 --> 0:41:22.919
<v Speaker 2>the children are like half dressed, his problem. There's shit

0:41:23.280 --> 0:41:25.600
<v Speaker 2>all through the car, there's vomit all through the car totally,

0:41:25.760 --> 0:41:29.160
<v Speaker 2>kids are screaming because they're hungry. He will deal with it.

0:41:29.200 --> 0:41:32.400
<v Speaker 2>The children are not going to be unsafe. Yeah, he

0:41:32.480 --> 0:41:33.120
<v Speaker 2>will deal with it.

0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:34.960
<v Speaker 1>And there's so many times where I've forgotten stuff and

0:41:35.000 --> 0:41:36.600
<v Speaker 1>I'd had to dive for it when I've been out.

0:41:36.680 --> 0:41:38.680
<v Speaker 1>There's actually a really good episode of Bluey about this,

0:41:38.719 --> 0:41:40.800
<v Speaker 1>when the dad's looking after Blue and Bingo or whatever

0:41:41.160 --> 0:41:43.200
<v Speaker 1>and they're going to the beach and I get to

0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:45.880
<v Speaker 1>the beach and then they're like, Dad, where's the sunblock?

0:41:45.960 --> 0:41:50.439
<v Speaker 1>And he's like, oh, and he's like, forgotten everything? Where

0:41:50.520 --> 0:41:52.359
<v Speaker 1>am I? Rashi? Did you bring it?

0:41:52.680 --> 0:41:56.800
<v Speaker 2>No? Then nod they really bring sunscreens?

0:41:57.200 --> 0:41:58.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh no, I didn't.

0:41:59.120 --> 0:42:01.120
<v Speaker 2>It's okay, that mean sounds to feed.

0:42:01.440 --> 0:42:02.279
<v Speaker 1>Yes, we do.

0:42:02.760 --> 0:42:04.879
<v Speaker 2>We'll just have to stay in the shady bit and

0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:06.960
<v Speaker 2>we'll put our hats on what hats.

0:42:07.239 --> 0:42:09.000
<v Speaker 1>It's obviously a thing, but I think the way that

0:42:09.040 --> 0:42:11.880
<v Speaker 1>you learn is definitely through failing. And the thing is

0:42:12.000 --> 0:42:15.040
<v Speaker 1>we all failed in that initial newborns exactly. Yeah, it's

0:42:15.120 --> 0:42:17.759
<v Speaker 1>just that we continue to fail. Yeah, but because of

0:42:17.800 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 1>the primary carers, we've just gotten really good at it sooner.

0:42:20.480 --> 0:42:23.399
<v Speaker 2>And we do things like listen to podcasts, read about things,

0:42:23.440 --> 0:42:25.280
<v Speaker 2>so we sort of got a little bit more prepared

0:42:25.320 --> 0:42:27.880
<v Speaker 2>when it comes to some stuff. Yeah. Yeah, Like I

0:42:27.960 --> 0:42:30.120
<v Speaker 2>just think you probably need to really take a step

0:42:30.160 --> 0:42:33.600
<v Speaker 2>back and relinquish control and start letting him fail. Also,

0:42:33.640 --> 0:42:36.319
<v Speaker 2>maybe consider marriage counseling because I personally found that very

0:42:36.400 --> 0:42:40.560
<v Speaker 2>useful having discussions about this. Yeah, but a huge fan

0:42:40.640 --> 0:42:44.000
<v Speaker 2>of passive aggressive things like drenching his bed.

0:42:44.160 --> 0:42:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Or sending a Google link of search results the roofs

0:42:46.480 --> 0:42:48.520
<v Speaker 1>in the area if you don't want your bed to

0:42:48.520 --> 0:42:49.000
<v Speaker 1>get around.

0:42:49.560 --> 0:42:52.160
<v Speaker 2>I have to do everything because my husband always does

0:42:52.160 --> 0:42:54.319
<v Speaker 2>a half us job. He says he tries, and I'm

0:42:54.320 --> 0:42:58.879
<v Speaker 2>starting to wonder if he's just got clean slash tidy blindness.

0:42:59.120 --> 0:43:02.160
<v Speaker 2>I literally see him try and it's always bad. Or

0:43:02.200 --> 0:43:05.080
<v Speaker 2>maybe I have two high standards. His idea of helping

0:43:05.120 --> 0:43:07.280
<v Speaker 2>always leads to more work and I end up fixing

0:43:07.280 --> 0:43:09.719
<v Speaker 2>what he's done. We're talking basic things like scrubbing the

0:43:09.719 --> 0:43:12.360
<v Speaker 2>toilet and leaving the toilet like he's attempted it with

0:43:12.440 --> 0:43:13.640
<v Speaker 2>a toothbrush for ants.

0:43:17.680 --> 0:43:19.760
<v Speaker 1>Sorry, I got a visual of the toothbrush for ants

0:43:19.760 --> 0:43:22.239
<v Speaker 1>and what it would have left behind. Can I just

0:43:22.320 --> 0:43:23.520
<v Speaker 1>call out the first thing.

0:43:23.520 --> 0:43:25.680
<v Speaker 2>And then we'll come in with Kell's unhinged life.

0:43:25.800 --> 0:43:29.839
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the like dirt blindness or messy blindness not a thing.

0:43:29.920 --> 0:43:32.920
<v Speaker 1>I read a study recently. I had like four hundred

0:43:32.960 --> 0:43:36.399
<v Speaker 1>men four hundred women, and they showed them pictures of

0:43:36.560 --> 0:43:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a messy room, and spoiler alert, they both see the

0:43:39.520 --> 0:43:41.520
<v Speaker 1>same mess. Like it's not a thing.

0:43:41.760 --> 0:43:45.000
<v Speaker 2>Don't you think though, that sometimes unless you're looking for it,

0:43:45.040 --> 0:43:47.920
<v Speaker 2>you don't notice though, Like I have realized in the

0:43:47.960 --> 0:43:51.080
<v Speaker 2>past week that my walls are foul, but they would

0:43:51.080 --> 0:43:52.439
<v Speaker 2>have been foul for a long time, but I've only

0:43:52.480 --> 0:43:52.920
<v Speaker 2>just noticed.

0:43:53.000 --> 0:43:54.919
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think that's different because that's like a thing

0:43:55.040 --> 0:43:58.240
<v Speaker 1>over time. But it's more like dishes in the sink,

0:43:58.680 --> 0:44:01.600
<v Speaker 1>clothes on the floor, Like everyone sees the same mess.

0:44:01.640 --> 0:44:04.799
<v Speaker 1>I think it's just like this old shtick stereotype that

0:44:04.880 --> 0:44:06.759
<v Speaker 1>it's like all men don't see mess and women do.

0:44:07.080 --> 0:44:10.920
<v Speaker 1>It's a very like convenient gendered stereotype that's happened. So

0:44:11.320 --> 0:44:12.760
<v Speaker 1>first of all, he sees the mess.

0:44:13.320 --> 0:44:17.040
<v Speaker 2>Yes, we just need to lower the expectations.

0:44:17.160 --> 0:44:19.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And like if he wants to clean the toilet

0:44:19.520 --> 0:44:21.400
<v Speaker 1>with an ant's toothbrush.

0:44:20.840 --> 0:44:24.240
<v Speaker 2>Which I don't believe, and if that's actually the case,

0:44:24.800 --> 0:44:26.240
<v Speaker 2>send him to cleaning school.

0:44:26.719 --> 0:44:28.879
<v Speaker 1>I think in this case, like I know we have said,

0:44:28.920 --> 0:44:32.080
<v Speaker 1>like let them figure it out. I think that if

0:44:32.120 --> 0:44:35.120
<v Speaker 1>they have never been taught how to do something to

0:44:35.160 --> 0:44:38.560
<v Speaker 1>the level of what she's indicating, maybe it is like, hey,

0:44:38.680 --> 0:44:39.120
<v Speaker 1>let me.

0:44:39.120 --> 0:44:41.200
<v Speaker 2>Just show you how I like it done. I know

0:44:41.360 --> 0:44:42.400
<v Speaker 2>that you probably.

0:44:42.080 --> 0:44:44.200
<v Speaker 1>Wouldn't do it that like just be like, hey, I

0:44:44.239 --> 0:44:46.680
<v Speaker 1>just want to make it easier for you, Like I

0:44:46.760 --> 0:44:49.240
<v Speaker 1>have cleaning products that I use, like bleach for instance,

0:44:49.239 --> 0:44:53.080
<v Speaker 1>in the bathroom does wonders right, it's so strong, so powerful,

0:44:53.160 --> 0:44:55.960
<v Speaker 1>and it cuts the cleaning time in half. Like approach

0:44:56.000 --> 0:44:58.759
<v Speaker 1>it more of like a let me show you because

0:44:58.760 --> 0:45:00.880
<v Speaker 1>I feel like you could do the way quicker and

0:45:00.960 --> 0:45:05.120
<v Speaker 1>easier and more effectively. Like maybe just like flipping the

0:45:05.239 --> 0:45:08.600
<v Speaker 1>approach of how you're doing it, because sometimes.

0:45:08.640 --> 0:45:10.959
<v Speaker 2>Some it sounds like he's actually trying.

0:45:11.000 --> 0:45:13.400
<v Speaker 1>And it sounds like he's a bit like he's just

0:45:13.440 --> 0:45:14.960
<v Speaker 1>a bit lost, like he doesn't actually know how to

0:45:14.960 --> 0:45:17.040
<v Speaker 1>do it. Some people don't know how to clean because

0:45:17.040 --> 0:45:18.919
<v Speaker 1>they haven't had to do it their whole lives because

0:45:18.920 --> 0:45:20.040
<v Speaker 1>they've had.

0:45:19.960 --> 0:45:25.200
<v Speaker 2>People looking after them. Yeah, it's codent, but let's help

0:45:25.280 --> 0:45:28.960
<v Speaker 2>him get better. I do all life admin, even my

0:45:29.080 --> 0:45:32.000
<v Speaker 2>husband's life admin. He often texts me or random week

0:45:32.080 --> 0:45:34.920
<v Speaker 2>days asking if we or even he has any plans

0:45:35.239 --> 0:45:38.080
<v Speaker 2>he's committed to on the weekend. Sounds like, Luke, did

0:45:38.120 --> 0:45:40.560
<v Speaker 2>you did you write this in and pretend that it's

0:45:40.560 --> 0:45:44.080
<v Speaker 2>from someone else. It's hard, right because I think that

0:45:44.160 --> 0:45:47.080
<v Speaker 2>if you're organized, And.

0:45:47.080 --> 0:45:50.000
<v Speaker 1>Also to me, that says like maybe he just thinks

0:45:50.000 --> 0:45:53.240
<v Speaker 1>that you're the leader of the pack, like he feels

0:45:53.280 --> 0:45:55.239
<v Speaker 1>maybe he has to ask you if he can do

0:45:55.280 --> 0:45:56.800
<v Speaker 1>stuff as well. Like it's a little bit of that.

0:45:56.920 --> 0:45:59.080
<v Speaker 1>Like Charlie will message me sometimes and be like, hey,

0:45:59.120 --> 0:46:00.680
<v Speaker 1>can I do this on this day? And I'm like,

0:46:01.200 --> 0:46:04.960
<v Speaker 1>check the calendar, do permission, commission because then it makes

0:46:05.000 --> 0:46:07.120
<v Speaker 1>me feel like I'm the ruler of your life and

0:46:07.160 --> 0:46:09.520
<v Speaker 1>they make your fair really shit. He's like, no, I'm

0:46:09.600 --> 0:46:11.719
<v Speaker 1>just I just want to like run it by you, like.

0:46:12.200 --> 0:46:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Then say hey, did we have anything on this weekend?

0:46:15.480 --> 0:46:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Because I would like to go out with the boys,

0:46:17.239 --> 0:46:19.920
<v Speaker 2>not can only go well with the boys. I am

0:46:19.920 --> 0:46:20.439
<v Speaker 2>not your mother.

0:46:20.600 --> 0:46:24.120
<v Speaker 1>I think it's the delivery right. So it is hard

0:46:24.160 --> 0:46:26.640
<v Speaker 1>though because I feel I feel like I'm the husband

0:46:26.680 --> 0:46:28.000
<v Speaker 1>in the situation.

0:46:27.840 --> 0:46:30.000
<v Speaker 2>Because Charlie does admin.

0:46:30.360 --> 0:46:33.520
<v Speaker 1>But I think some people are just more hopeless. It sucks.

0:46:33.800 --> 0:46:37.279
<v Speaker 2>There's always a more organized person in friendships relationships. I

0:46:37.320 --> 0:46:40.640
<v Speaker 2>don't know if this person minds. They haven't said yeah.

0:46:40.360 --> 0:46:42.920
<v Speaker 1>And I think it can be okay if it's.

0:46:43.200 --> 0:46:47.480
<v Speaker 2>Evil like they take more like make sure that if

0:46:47.520 --> 0:46:49.800
<v Speaker 2>that's the way that your relationship is set up, that

0:46:49.960 --> 0:46:52.880
<v Speaker 2>he's taking more physical mental loads.

0:46:53.040 --> 0:46:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, Like example, I'm really good at gift giving,

0:46:57.520 --> 0:47:00.440
<v Speaker 1>so Charlie will be like for someone and who family,

0:47:00.480 --> 0:47:03.080
<v Speaker 1>He'll be like, oh, what should we get? Blah blah blah,

0:47:03.160 --> 0:47:05.759
<v Speaker 1>and I'll tell him what my idea is and he'll

0:47:05.760 --> 0:47:06.319
<v Speaker 1>execute it.

0:47:06.680 --> 0:47:07.799
<v Speaker 2>Oh do you know what I mean?

0:47:07.840 --> 0:47:10.440
<v Speaker 1>So, like I think instead of because I would always

0:47:10.480 --> 0:47:13.960
<v Speaker 1>be the person figuring out the gifts and everything, but

0:47:14.640 --> 0:47:16.960
<v Speaker 1>obviously I'm getting busier and busier. He's like, I can

0:47:17.040 --> 0:47:18.680
<v Speaker 1>do it. I just need an idea of like what

0:47:18.800 --> 0:47:21.080
<v Speaker 1>to get them. So I think if you're kind of

0:47:21.120 --> 0:47:24.600
<v Speaker 1>approaching it more on a fifty to fifty, like maybe

0:47:24.640 --> 0:47:28.640
<v Speaker 1>him asking you is okay, it's still mental loading, but

0:47:28.719 --> 0:47:32.080
<v Speaker 1>at least it's like, I don't know, it's a tricky one.

0:47:32.760 --> 0:47:34.280
<v Speaker 2>I just think you need to make sure that you're

0:47:34.360 --> 0:47:38.279
<v Speaker 2>getting him to carry the burden of some things if

0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:39.360
<v Speaker 2>that's what you're carrying.

0:47:39.440 --> 0:47:41.040
<v Speaker 1>If he just needs a little bit of a help,

0:47:41.040 --> 0:47:44.080
<v Speaker 1>but maybe make it a verbal help rather than like

0:47:44.120 --> 0:47:46.480
<v Speaker 1>an actual like doing the job for him.

0:47:47.000 --> 0:47:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Last one, my husband would say he works full time

0:47:49.640 --> 0:47:51.680
<v Speaker 2>and I work part time, so everything else gets left

0:47:51.719 --> 0:47:53.239
<v Speaker 2>to me, and I would just say.

0:47:53.640 --> 0:47:57.040
<v Speaker 1>What a douche. Yeah, that's not okay because, like I.

0:47:56.960 --> 0:47:59.920
<v Speaker 2>Said at the start, that means you're working ten days.

0:48:00.160 --> 0:48:06.160
<v Speaker 1>Raising children the household. That's a job. That is a job.

0:48:06.239 --> 0:48:10.680
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, And people that do it just that, Oh my god,

0:48:10.760 --> 0:48:14.440
<v Speaker 2>they are actual heroes. My best friends, the ones that

0:48:14.440 --> 0:48:17.480
<v Speaker 2>I was away with. One of them does work two

0:48:17.560 --> 0:48:19.239
<v Speaker 2>days per week or one day per week and the

0:48:19.239 --> 0:48:22.399
<v Speaker 2>other one doesn't. They both have three kids. My god,

0:48:22.520 --> 0:48:24.959
<v Speaker 2>they are way busier than I am all the time.

0:48:25.080 --> 0:48:28.319
<v Speaker 1>Oh, it's crazy. To run a household, right, is a

0:48:28.560 --> 0:48:31.400
<v Speaker 1>lot a lot of pressure, a lot of like juggling

0:48:31.400 --> 0:48:34.200
<v Speaker 1>of balls. And I think I read something recently that said,

0:48:34.200 --> 0:48:36.359
<v Speaker 1>if we were to put a dollar, like a pay

0:48:36.400 --> 0:48:40.280
<v Speaker 1>a salary to women who are running households or whatever

0:48:40.360 --> 0:48:44.239
<v Speaker 1>parent is, the stay at home parent, it's like two

0:48:44.320 --> 0:48:48.040
<v Speaker 1>hundred k. So it's like, come on, like the number

0:48:48.040 --> 0:48:51.000
<v Speaker 1>of hours you're putting in two hundred k, Like that

0:48:51.040 --> 0:48:55.040
<v Speaker 1>should give you a good example of how much weight

0:48:55.120 --> 0:48:58.440
<v Speaker 1>it has to it that work. Exactly, because every single

0:48:58.520 --> 0:49:02.880
<v Speaker 1>successful man who's able to have kids has only been

0:49:02.920 --> 0:49:05.080
<v Speaker 1>able to do that because he has a wife that's

0:49:05.120 --> 0:49:06.560
<v Speaker 1>there to support him, right.

0:49:06.600 --> 0:49:08.239
<v Speaker 2>And I know a lot of men that actually would

0:49:08.280 --> 0:49:10.120
<v Speaker 2>say that, and a lot of women that would say

0:49:10.120 --> 0:49:14.600
<v Speaker 2>that about their partners. Yeah, I also just love someone contributed.

0:49:14.920 --> 0:49:16.560
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you can share the load. I think

0:49:16.600 --> 0:49:19.479
<v Speaker 2>females genetically carry the mental load more than men. Doesn't

0:49:19.520 --> 0:49:22.040
<v Speaker 2>mean you can't delegate to help even things up. I'm

0:49:22.040 --> 0:49:24.400
<v Speaker 2>also against the whole let's shame our husbands for not

0:49:24.440 --> 0:49:27.280
<v Speaker 2>thinking about stuff. Sis. If you can't manage it yourself,

0:49:27.280 --> 0:49:30.600
<v Speaker 2>just help. No one needs to be a matter kind

0:49:30.600 --> 0:49:30.960
<v Speaker 2>of like this.

0:49:31.160 --> 0:49:33.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh it's a little bit of me, a little bit,

0:49:34.360 --> 0:49:38.399
<v Speaker 1>A little bit if I totally get it. It's hard because, yeah,

0:49:38.440 --> 0:49:40.480
<v Speaker 1>women talk about it, but we've been conditioned to think

0:49:40.520 --> 0:49:43.719
<v Speaker 1>about it from such a young a exactly.

0:49:43.760 --> 0:49:47.319
<v Speaker 2>And I feel like this lass is the sort of

0:49:47.360 --> 0:49:49.560
<v Speaker 2>lass that packs her husband lunch and is quite happy

0:49:49.560 --> 0:49:52.640
<v Speaker 2>about it. I think she's like meal prep Sunday type person.

0:49:52.800 --> 0:49:53.040
<v Speaker 1>Shit.

0:49:54.280 --> 0:49:58.000
<v Speaker 2>She also does pilates and makes kids birthday cakes from scratch.

0:49:58.160 --> 0:50:01.480
<v Speaker 1>Don't don't I want her to help me with my life?

0:50:01.680 --> 0:50:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Can you come and take on my mental load too?

0:50:08.600 --> 0:50:13.120
<v Speaker 2>Tips? First one is do online groceries and both have

0:50:13.200 --> 0:50:15.600
<v Speaker 2>the app installed on your phone so that you can

0:50:15.600 --> 0:50:17.040
<v Speaker 2>both add things to cut when you need.

0:50:17.320 --> 0:50:20.120
<v Speaker 1>Yes. A few friends have mentioned this to me. Genus

0:50:20.440 --> 0:50:22.520
<v Speaker 1>love it. Genius, absolutely genius.

0:50:22.600 --> 0:50:24.920
<v Speaker 2>Also having like a shared notes app, you know, if

0:50:24.920 --> 0:50:25.960
<v Speaker 2>you both have an Apple you.

0:50:25.880 --> 0:50:26.840
<v Speaker 1>Can have one.

0:50:26.920 --> 0:50:29.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and shared album folders. You could both put photos

0:50:29.960 --> 0:50:30.600
<v Speaker 2>of the kids in.

0:50:30.800 --> 0:50:31.680
<v Speaker 1>It's so smart.

0:50:31.760 --> 0:50:34.000
<v Speaker 2>You just both put things on the notes app like

0:50:34.120 --> 0:50:38.360
<v Speaker 2>hey blah blah blah. Joint calendars, splitting.

0:50:38.000 --> 0:50:41.279
<v Speaker 1>The load like joining together. Yeah, having one list, one

0:50:41.360 --> 0:50:42.160
<v Speaker 1>thing for everything.

0:50:42.920 --> 0:50:45.799
<v Speaker 2>Have joint email accounts for the kids so that you

0:50:45.800 --> 0:50:48.120
<v Speaker 2>can both just send stuff relating to the kids. Yes,

0:50:48.400 --> 0:50:49.480
<v Speaker 2>that email address.

0:50:49.640 --> 0:50:51.560
<v Speaker 1>Shout out to my girlfriend Sarah. She told me that

0:50:51.600 --> 0:50:54.000
<v Speaker 1>she did this recently because it would always be like

0:50:54.120 --> 0:50:56.200
<v Speaker 1>whose birthday party is at? What are the details? And

0:50:56.200 --> 0:50:58.600
<v Speaker 1>she's like, check the the moms are sending it to

0:50:58.680 --> 0:51:01.279
<v Speaker 1>me because I'm the mar So they just have like

0:51:01.280 --> 0:51:04.520
<v Speaker 1>a family email that everything goes in there. That's so

0:51:04.760 --> 0:51:07.520
<v Speaker 1>really clever, really clever. I love that.

0:51:07.960 --> 0:51:11.200
<v Speaker 2>There are those cards that a lot of people suggested.

0:51:11.320 --> 0:51:13.640
<v Speaker 2>I forget what their card, but they're like task cards

0:51:13.640 --> 0:51:17.799
<v Speaker 2>and you basically go through them and divvy up who

0:51:17.840 --> 0:51:19.480
<v Speaker 2>does what and then that sort of gives you a

0:51:19.480 --> 0:51:22.319
<v Speaker 2>better understanding of is it fifty to fifty.

0:51:22.560 --> 0:51:23.880
<v Speaker 1>But called fair play.

0:51:24.120 --> 0:51:27.120
<v Speaker 2>From what I've heard, they're really not equal, Like taking

0:51:27.160 --> 0:51:29.040
<v Speaker 2>the bins out is not the same as daycare.

0:51:29.360 --> 0:51:31.680
<v Speaker 1>No, but the point of this card game is for

0:51:31.800 --> 0:51:35.000
<v Speaker 1>it to be a visual of how much people do.

0:51:35.480 --> 0:51:38.160
<v Speaker 1>I think it is really helpful because sister in law's

0:51:38.160 --> 0:51:41.160
<v Speaker 1>done it. Actually, Lucy did it with her partner John

0:51:41.520 --> 0:51:44.279
<v Speaker 1>just because well when they started living together, because it

0:51:44.360 --> 0:51:49.759
<v Speaker 1>was like everyone like, mental load is not unique to

0:51:50.120 --> 0:51:53.480
<v Speaker 1>people that have kids. It's people sharing a space that's

0:51:53.520 --> 0:51:55.879
<v Speaker 1>actually see even your roommates, like.

0:51:55.840 --> 0:51:58.399
<v Speaker 2>You can do the fair play card roommates, Like if.

0:51:58.320 --> 0:52:01.640
<v Speaker 1>You're sharing a space with someone, multiple people, it's really

0:52:01.680 --> 0:52:03.479
<v Speaker 1>good to be able to do this. And it's just.

0:52:03.480 --> 0:52:05.120
<v Speaker 2>Basically we'll link them in the show notes.

0:52:05.120 --> 0:52:08.319
<v Speaker 1>Then it's flagging, Hey, you might not realize that this

0:52:08.360 --> 0:52:12.600
<v Speaker 1>person is doing xyz, and it makes you think about like, okay, yeah,

0:52:12.600 --> 0:52:16.719
<v Speaker 1>you have to do the car registration that's once a year. Yeah,

0:52:16.760 --> 0:52:19.600
<v Speaker 1>but I'm doing the rent which is every week every month,

0:52:20.000 --> 0:52:20.439
<v Speaker 1>all week.

0:52:20.600 --> 0:52:22.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, okay, So it opens conversations as well.

0:52:23.360 --> 0:52:25.319
<v Speaker 1>That's the thing that's important about it. Yeah, the fair

0:52:25.360 --> 0:52:27.080
<v Speaker 1>Play card game will link it.

0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:30.680
<v Speaker 2>Another tip is to share the load with friends. I

0:52:30.719 --> 0:52:33.800
<v Speaker 2>really love this, Like if you live close to people,

0:52:34.560 --> 0:52:36.840
<v Speaker 2>like you know how you were saying, next year with

0:52:36.840 --> 0:52:39.480
<v Speaker 2>the new baby, Yes, you're gonna get your friend to

0:52:39.800 --> 0:52:41.239
<v Speaker 2>share the daycare drop off.

0:52:41.560 --> 0:52:43.360
<v Speaker 1>We're going to try and split that. So just to

0:52:43.360 --> 0:52:45.120
<v Speaker 1>make it a bit easier, like I can take them

0:52:45.120 --> 0:52:47.040
<v Speaker 1>in the morning and then maybe Beck can pick up

0:52:47.040 --> 0:52:48.120
<v Speaker 1>the girls in the afternoon.

0:52:48.560 --> 0:52:51.759
<v Speaker 2>I've heard about families like when a group of them

0:52:51.840 --> 0:52:54.720
<v Speaker 2>all sort of live quite close or within the same suburb,

0:52:54.920 --> 0:52:57.239
<v Speaker 2>they'll pick different nights and look after dinner that night

0:52:57.239 --> 0:52:58.360
<v Speaker 2>and then just do drop offs.

0:52:58.800 --> 0:53:02.200
<v Speaker 1>That is so good. That's village. That is that getting

0:53:02.280 --> 0:53:04.319
<v Speaker 1>back to village, Like I love that.

0:53:04.400 --> 0:53:06.720
<v Speaker 2>And also then you're always eating like different yummy things

0:53:06.800 --> 0:53:08.680
<v Speaker 2>and you only have to worry about cooking or thinking

0:53:08.680 --> 0:53:09.919
<v Speaker 2>about what to eat one night a week.

0:53:10.080 --> 0:53:12.359
<v Speaker 1>Well, my sister in laws always like, just drop real over,

0:53:12.640 --> 0:53:15.000
<v Speaker 1>just drop her over, because now a good age. She's like,

0:53:15.080 --> 0:53:18.640
<v Speaker 1>it does not affect me whatever, I already have two. Yeah,

0:53:19.360 --> 0:53:21.120
<v Speaker 1>and the girls kind of just like want to play

0:53:21.120 --> 0:53:23.160
<v Speaker 1>with her, and then that keeps them more entertained than

0:53:23.160 --> 0:53:24.640
<v Speaker 1>if had it just been them too.

0:53:24.760 --> 0:53:26.520
<v Speaker 2>Yep, I totally get it because of the third person,

0:53:26.560 --> 0:53:27.080
<v Speaker 2>and you've.

0:53:26.880 --> 0:53:29.040
<v Speaker 1>Got it obviously with your sister as well and her.

0:53:28.880 --> 0:53:30.799
<v Speaker 2>Kids, like yeah, when they're not at an age where

0:53:30.840 --> 0:53:33.759
<v Speaker 2>the three is easy. Lennie's just a lot more work

0:53:33.800 --> 0:53:36.520
<v Speaker 2>than both of hers, to be fair, he's so cute,

0:53:36.640 --> 0:53:39.600
<v Speaker 2>he's like kid. He's just a very busy, always very busy.

0:53:40.239 --> 0:53:43.280
<v Speaker 2>Communication is key. I've learned to not expect my husband

0:53:43.360 --> 0:53:45.239
<v Speaker 2>to know what I'm really wanting or needing to be

0:53:45.280 --> 0:53:47.680
<v Speaker 2>done around the house. Yes, instead of getting frustrated, I

0:53:47.760 --> 0:53:50.880
<v Speaker 2>just need to speak up and ask. Absolutely, he's always

0:53:50.880 --> 0:53:53.160
<v Speaker 2>happy to help when I do make her request. At

0:53:53.200 --> 0:53:55.760
<v Speaker 2>one stage, we tried to make a more formal type

0:53:55.760 --> 0:53:58.040
<v Speaker 2>document dividing up tasks, but didn't work for us. We

0:53:58.080 --> 0:54:00.680
<v Speaker 2>have two kids now and that's de only forced to

0:54:00.880 --> 0:54:05.040
<v Speaker 2>more even load, specifically around bedtime. He takes the toddler

0:54:05.080 --> 0:54:07.080
<v Speaker 2>and I take the baby. We really just try to

0:54:07.120 --> 0:54:08.600
<v Speaker 2>divide and concob with everything.

0:54:08.920 --> 0:54:10.799
<v Speaker 1>A lot of my girlfriends have said that I have said,

0:54:10.840 --> 0:54:13.200
<v Speaker 1>wait to you have a second it's when the husband

0:54:13.239 --> 0:54:16.520
<v Speaker 1>will generally parent, oh oh god, which is annoying, but

0:54:16.800 --> 0:54:20.600
<v Speaker 1>obviously that's just like a low generalization thing. But they

0:54:20.840 --> 0:54:23.680
<v Speaker 1>have to right because you are not an octopus.

0:54:23.320 --> 0:54:27.239
<v Speaker 2>And you physically cannot be in a million different places exactly.

0:54:27.400 --> 0:54:30.960
<v Speaker 2>And I also think that it's about giving the person

0:54:31.560 --> 0:54:34.040
<v Speaker 2>the benefit of the doubt that they're not a mind reader,

0:54:34.400 --> 0:54:37.120
<v Speaker 2>and there is potentially like sometimes when I get cranky

0:54:37.160 --> 0:54:39.360
<v Speaker 2>about some things, and I'm the only one that ever

0:54:39.440 --> 0:54:42.520
<v Speaker 2>thinks about these things. Yeah, they're things that interest me.

0:54:44.120 --> 0:54:46.600
<v Speaker 2>Luke would say the exact same thing. I could not

0:54:46.760 --> 0:54:51.560
<v Speaker 2>tell you who is our car insurance. I couldn't tell

0:54:51.600 --> 0:54:53.640
<v Speaker 2>you how to read your car. I could not tell

0:54:53.680 --> 0:54:56.400
<v Speaker 2>you how to contact the strata if I wanted to

0:54:56.440 --> 0:55:00.359
<v Speaker 2>sit in on a committee meeting. To me, i'd ever

0:55:00.360 --> 0:55:01.880
<v Speaker 2>think about that. So of course it's not part of

0:55:01.920 --> 0:55:03.719
<v Speaker 2>my mental light. So I just assume that I've got

0:55:03.719 --> 0:55:06.640
<v Speaker 2>the bigger mental load. But it's when you maybe those

0:55:06.719 --> 0:55:08.120
<v Speaker 2>cards are a great idea for everyone.

0:55:08.160 --> 0:55:10.120
<v Speaker 1>They are curl. I think I would like to do

0:55:10.160 --> 0:55:12.719
<v Speaker 1>them with Charlie, just to like and do it in

0:55:12.760 --> 0:55:14.759
<v Speaker 1>a fun environment.

0:55:14.360 --> 0:55:19.200
<v Speaker 2>Like don't sit down with like spreadsheet open as well.

0:55:19.040 --> 0:55:21.280
<v Speaker 1>No, like have a wine, have a little cheese board

0:55:21.560 --> 0:55:24.640
<v Speaker 1>or whatever, like make it fun and flirty, don't make

0:55:24.680 --> 0:55:27.880
<v Speaker 1>it Okay, there's nothing flirty about discussing chores, Key, but

0:55:28.000 --> 0:55:30.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm just saying, like, set the toe, okay, don't don't

0:55:30.880 --> 0:55:33.640
<v Speaker 1>like get going to bed and then sit all guns

0:55:33.640 --> 0:55:37.719
<v Speaker 1>blazed you. It's important that we've been in good place

0:55:37.760 --> 0:55:39.080
<v Speaker 1>before we start this conversation.

0:55:40.040 --> 0:55:43.000
<v Speaker 2>All right, Well, I think that we better wrap things up,

0:55:43.000 --> 0:55:45.399
<v Speaker 2>but we will put heapes more of the tips on

0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:49.239
<v Speaker 2>our socials so you can easily access them. Please make

0:55:49.280 --> 0:55:51.600
<v Speaker 2>sure you rate and review us and let us know

0:55:51.640 --> 0:55:55.439
<v Speaker 2>what you think. You can find us at Kiri's at

0:55:55.520 --> 0:55:58.360
<v Speaker 2>Kelly Underscore, mcaren at SSR dot pot.

0:55:58.680 --> 0:56:02.400
<v Speaker 1>This episode was produced by I Ask Your Unhinged hosts

0:56:02.480 --> 0:56:06.880
<v Speaker 1>Key and Kel with audio production by the bomb Ass

0:56:07.000 --> 0:56:15.759
<v Speaker 1>Woman that is Maddie Johanna. Who see you next week. Bye,