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Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mom and Me a podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mama Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. Hey, friends, it's Mia.

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Speaker 2: I'm popping into your ears because if you love no Filter,

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Speaker 2: you're going to love a show called Everyone Has An

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Speaker 2: Ex because it's about stories. It's about relationships, and it's

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Speaker 2: about what happens when they end and when things go

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Speaker 2: really really wrong. Today's episode that I'm going to share

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Speaker 2: with you is called Double Trouble, and I don't want

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Speaker 2: to spoil it, but it's about a guy called Josh

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Speaker 2: and it's about a double life. Enjoy this episode, and

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Speaker 2: if you want to hear more if Everyone has an Ex,

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Speaker 2: we'll put a link in the show notes.

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Speaker 3: Young love, remember that reading someone your part time hospital job.

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Speaker 4: We get together every.

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Speaker 3: Night, they start making eyes at each other and one

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Speaker 3: thing leads to another. Soon you're spending the night at

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Speaker 3: their family home and having dinner with their parents. Well

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Speaker 3: that's exactly how Emily met Josh.

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Speaker 1: We just had such an instant connection at the time,

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Speaker 1: and he was quite assertive person where he was like, yep,

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Speaker 1: I'm ready to meet your family. Literally within the first

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Speaker 1: two months, we had met each other's families. His family

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Speaker 1: were beautiful, My family were beautiful as well, so we

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Speaker 1: both came from quite good people around us. And then

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Speaker 1: our relationship just grew.

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Speaker 3: And when you meet someone so young, it really only

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Speaker 3: goes one of two ways. You either grow up and

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Speaker 3: apart or you grow together, like Emily and Josh did

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Speaker 3: after seven years. They knew each other like the back

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Speaker 3: of their own hands and trusted each other implicitly. At

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Speaker 3: not even thirty years old, life was only just beginning.

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Speaker 1: And then everything came crumbling down one day when my

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Speaker 1: sister knocked on my door and said, Emily, I think

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Speaker 1: your partner has another girlfriend.

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Speaker 3: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex

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Speaker 3: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 3: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 3: hearts of the very people who lived them.

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Speaker 4: Meet Emily.

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Speaker 3: She's twenty eight now, but our story begins back in

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Speaker 3: twenty seventeen, when she was, in her words, just a baby,

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Speaker 3: twenty year old.

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Speaker 1: Just come out of high school, started studying. I was

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Speaker 1: going out a bit more, starting to socialize, meet new guys,

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Speaker 1: and had had previous experiences in the past but not

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Speaker 1: an actual long term relationship with someone. So I actually

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Speaker 1: started working at a club back in the day and

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Speaker 1: I developed a good connection with one of my colleagues, Josh.

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Speaker 1: I then said, look, we're good friends right now. I

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Speaker 1: went to Europe, did like a little girl's trip, came

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Speaker 1: back and continued to grow with this person that I

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Speaker 1: worked with. We had a really good friendship and I

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Speaker 1: think we had a lot of common interest. We both

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Speaker 1: were interested in the same things. We just got along

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Speaker 1: really well, started going out and we started to develop

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Speaker 1: a relationship. And we were only kids when we met,

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Speaker 1: so we were just learning about ourselves who were just

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Speaker 1: starting our degrees, just starting to change jobs, starting to

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Speaker 1: figure out whether we're going to stay at home or

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Speaker 1: we're going to move out of home. So it was

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Speaker 1: a pretty healthy relationship. When I met him. He gave

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Speaker 1: me all the things that I wanted. So he was

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Speaker 1: this person not from my world. He was someone that

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Speaker 1: kind of opened up other avenues where he was someone

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Speaker 1: that I was, Oh, this person does something that I

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Speaker 1: don't do, such as go surfing, lives on the beach.

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Speaker 1: We just had things that I found really interesting about him.

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Speaker 1: At the time, I was really intrigued by what he

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Speaker 1: was studying as well. We were both into health degree,

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Speaker 1: so that's where we also had a connection with what

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Speaker 1: we wanted to pursue in our careers, so finding someone

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Speaker 1: aligned in my career in my life at that time.

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Speaker 1: We both had good friends and family as well, so

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Speaker 1: we were aligned in our values. But we were also

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Speaker 1: very young school still kind of learning our values as

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Speaker 1: well of what we want out of people. He was

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Speaker 1: the same age as me, so we were both twenty.

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Speaker 1: I found him quite I would say handsome, but he

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Speaker 1: was still young so still had those boy features where

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Speaker 1: he had fair eyes, light blue eyes. He had brown hair,

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Speaker 1: quite a fair complexion. He's European, so he, you know,

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Speaker 1: was quite a handsome young man who I was attracted

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Speaker 1: to at the time of work. But he had a

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Speaker 1: really good personality. So the way he would talk to

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Speaker 1: me was very intelligent. From the start, he was a

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Speaker 1: very good person to be around, so I found the

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Speaker 1: way he would interact and articulate his words was also

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Speaker 1: very attractive to me. He was someone kind of at

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Speaker 1: my level with interactions, so as an overall, when I

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Speaker 1: met him, I was like, Wow, he's smart, he's intelligent.

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Speaker 1: He's tall, he's handsome, he knows how to talk to me.

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Speaker 1: We can hold conversations for hours and hours, and that's

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Speaker 1: what you look for, someone that you can just basically

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Speaker 1: become best friends with when you first meet them. Then

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Speaker 1: we just started to progress and started seeing each other.

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Speaker 1: We were pretty quick for our families to meet as well,

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Speaker 1: so I think just because we just had such an

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Speaker 1: instant connection at the time, and he was quite assertive

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Speaker 1: person where he was like, yep, I'm ready to meet

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Speaker 1: your family. Literally within the first two months we had

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Speaker 1: met each other's families. His family were beautiful, My family

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Speaker 1: were beautiful as well, So we both came from quite

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Speaker 1: good people around us, and then our relationship just grew.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it all sounds pretty great so far, and

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Speaker 3: it was. They both lived at home, but they'd stayed

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Speaker 3: at each other's places, go out for lots of dinners,

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Speaker 3: and away for the weekends. It was all just so

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Speaker 3: nice and normal. Emily couldn't believe her luck.

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Speaker 1: When when you're young, you're not used to this, You're like,

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Speaker 1: oh wow, this guy is adoring you. He just takes

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Speaker 1: you everywhere, like treats you how you should be treated

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Speaker 1: in your relationship. So if you wanted to go for

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Speaker 1: dinner here, books that here, we want to go our

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Speaker 1: way for a weekend book this, we would go shopping.

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Speaker 1: He would buy things for me, you know, just doing

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Speaker 1: the little things. He was very loving and acts of

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Speaker 1: service was what he brought to me at such a

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Speaker 1: young age as well. Over so I would say the

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Speaker 1: first two years we just continued to grow with each other.

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Speaker 1: He finished his degree, we started to think about maybe

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Speaker 1: moving out in the next few years, so our relationship

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Speaker 1: just grew that. We became a lot closer with my

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Speaker 1: friends as well, so his friends. He started to lean

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Speaker 1: away from just being that. He started to be involved

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Speaker 1: a little bit more with my life, so my friends,

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Speaker 1: he was around a lot more. My family, he started

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Speaker 1: to hang around a lot more. And when we looked

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Speaker 1: in the next few years, we started to progress about

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Speaker 1: moving out together. We decided to look at moving somewhere

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Speaker 1: around my area, so he was from a different area.

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Speaker 1: So my life started to become the bigger version in

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Speaker 1: the relationship, which was not bad. He really loved being

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Speaker 1: a part of my life at that time. So the

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Speaker 1: progression was that we were going to look at moving out.

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Speaker 1: So that's what we did, so by the age of

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Speaker 1: around twenty three twenty four, we started to look around,

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Speaker 1: We're getting really excited or we'd also bought a car

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Speaker 1: as well together, and then we did secure a rental

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Speaker 1: at the end of around twenty twenty one, I think

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Speaker 1: when around COVID kind of happened, So we actually moved

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Speaker 1: out during that COVID period. So that was the next

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Speaker 1: big step of our relationship. So there was always like

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Speaker 1: goals of moving out and then in the next few

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Speaker 1: years probably getting engaged and then obviously getting married. In

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Speaker 1: the meantime, I was still studying, he was working full time.

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Speaker 1: I was also working, so we're still really working hard

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Speaker 1: in our relationship, but we still had our main values,

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Speaker 1: which was to move out and move in together, which

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Speaker 1: we did. It was so exciting when you move out,

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Speaker 1: like especially going to all the open homes in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: and you're just so excited. You're like, wow, we're going

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Speaker 1: to take this next step. We were so in love, like

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Speaker 1: we just could not wait to take this next step

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Speaker 1: and be in each other's lives all the time and

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Speaker 1: be able to come home from work and have someone

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Speaker 1: there and talk about our days and be able to

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Speaker 1: really live in our relationship one hundred percent. Because beforehand,

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Speaker 1: you know, you go to your parents' house. It's still

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Speaker 1: like a dating situation. It's a very different relationship to

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Speaker 1: when you move out and you're able to plan the

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Speaker 1: future ahead. We were like excited the real test, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: can we handle being around each other all the time.

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Speaker 3: So some quick maths, it's now twenty twenty one, Emily

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Speaker 3: and Joshua twenty four and have been together almost four years.

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Speaker 4: It was the perfect time to take this next step.

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Speaker 1: The first six months is that honeymoon stage, right, So

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Speaker 1: it's maybe similar to when people get married and they

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Speaker 1: move out as well. You move out and you're like,

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Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like this is amazing. You know, you're

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Speaker 1: you know physically, emotionally, mentally, you're just so attracted to

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Speaker 1: each other. You just can't wait to just see each

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Speaker 1: other every day and be with each other after work,

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Speaker 1: or just go out with your friends and just really

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Speaker 1: enjoy each other's company. You know, you're excited to cook together,

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Speaker 1: you're excited to build the home together, like we were

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Speaker 1: doing all this shopping and getting the place really ready

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Speaker 1: for building a home. The only issue was that it

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Speaker 1: was during COVID, so things started to get restrictive, as

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Speaker 1: you know, so we weren't able to do as much

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Speaker 1: outings as we wished we could. So when we actually

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Speaker 1: moved out, we were kind of forced to stay inside

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Speaker 1: all the time and be with just each other. So

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Speaker 1: it was a real test. Josh was able to leave

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Speaker 1: and go to work because they worked in healthcare. For me,

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Speaker 1: I was still studying and my job was from home,

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Speaker 1: so I was home a lot of the time. But

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Speaker 1: the satisfaction when he came home and being happy started

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Speaker 1: to change. He started to not be as happy, started

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Speaker 1: to be a little bit more tired, and the way

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Speaker 1: he communicated and spoke to me started to change. And

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Speaker 1: at the time we looked at it as, oh, it's

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Speaker 1: just because when he comes home, it's just me there

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Speaker 1: in that seat. He can't really go out and see

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Speaker 1: his friends. We can't really go out and see our family.

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Speaker 1: So that was a difficult period of our relationship. We

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Speaker 1: were never a fiery couple. We were quite relaxed and

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Speaker 1: we got along so well that there was not much

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Speaker 1: to fight about, and especially at that time, the only

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Speaker 1: issues was that we were come all the time together.

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Speaker 1: There was not much space and there was nothing we

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Speaker 1: could do, so there wasn't much fighting. It was just

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Speaker 1: more maybe get irritable with each other. And then COVID

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Speaker 1: finished and we started to go out with friends a

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Speaker 1: little bit more. We started to see our families again,

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Speaker 1: but there was just something not right. He just still

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Speaker 1: didn't seem happy. I started to notice these emotions where

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Speaker 1: he wasn't very excited to be home with me anymore.

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Speaker 1: He just seemed a bit mellow down, a little bit

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Speaker 1: of a concern to be around. And I actually approached

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Speaker 1: him about his emotions and how he's been at home,

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Speaker 1: and it was simple, just it's just work, like it's

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Speaker 1: just so much, you know, it's stressful. It was always

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Speaker 1: about his work or his life. It wasn't so much

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Speaker 1: that there was anything between us. But something's just not

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Speaker 1: right because he's not you know, when's your relationships not

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Speaker 1: one hundred percent, you know, when there's just starting to

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Speaker 1: have doubts. And that's what started to come in, and

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Speaker 1: we kind of started to just become a little bit distant.

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Speaker 1: So I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt

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Speaker 1: like everything was fine on my end, but he was

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Speaker 1: very difficult to communicate that with. So there was one

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Speaker 1: day we'd been out with friends and the next morning

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Speaker 1: he explained to me that he's not sure he can

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Speaker 1: commit to our relationship anymore. I sat there with him

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Speaker 1: on the couch, go what do you mean, Like, what

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Speaker 1: are you talking about? And he's just started to explain

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Speaker 1: that he's not sure if he made the right decision

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Speaker 1: I guess by staying in this relationship, and he's not

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Speaker 1: sure he can commit and he doesn't know what it is,

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Speaker 1: and started to make all these excuses about why he

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Speaker 1: maybe thinks that us being together isn't really a good idea.

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Speaker 1: And I'm really not stupid, I'm not oblivious to signs.

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Speaker 1: And that's what I said to Mago. There's been nothing,

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Speaker 1: like you haven't shown me that there have been issues

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Speaker 1: apart from how you've been irritable and tired and stressed

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Speaker 1: or whatever, but you haven't actually communicated to me that

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Speaker 1: there was something wrong.

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Speaker 3: He wasn't actually breaking up with her, but he certainly

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Speaker 3: threw a bomb, and that started a really hard and

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Speaker 3: pretty toxic cycle through.

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Speaker 1: End of twenty twenty one till about January. We started

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Speaker 1: to have fights, so we started to really become intolerable

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Speaker 1: with each other because he just was really changing. And

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Speaker 1: then when he said all that, two days later, he

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Speaker 1: would pull me aside and say, I'm really sorry. I

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Speaker 1: don't mean what I said. You know I love you

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Speaker 1: so much, you know I didn't mean why. So he

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Speaker 1: starts to kind of love bonb me with his emotions

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Speaker 1: of being confused and not sure what's wrong. And it

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Speaker 1: just really confused my head. So when someone's telling you

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Speaker 1: they can't commit and then someone tells you, actually, I

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Speaker 1: take it all back, like I'm really sorry, and if

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Speaker 1: you love that person, of course you're gonna sit there.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, yes, no worries, that's fine, Like I know

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Speaker 1: you're going through something. It's all good. I told him,

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Speaker 1: I've said I want to fight for this because I

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Speaker 1: really love you. I really and truly love you with

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Speaker 1: my heart. And you know we've been together for that.

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Speaker 1: This time was like four or five years. Like there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of work to do. When we're young, we

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Speaker 1: can work through it. And a feeling of doubt and

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Speaker 1: that's what we would talk about ago. He goes, I

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Speaker 1: think I'm having doubts and I'm not sure why. We

265
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Speaker 1: were always sitting there at night and trying to work

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Speaker 1: out why why are you having these doubts anyway? And

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Speaker 1: then I always put me in a position where I

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Speaker 1: thought I'm doing something wrong. Am I not giving him

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Speaker 1: enough love? Am I not challenging him enough? Am I not?

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Speaker 1: And then you start to put it on yourself and

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Speaker 1: you just don't know what to do, start to feel

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Speaker 1: really insecure in your relationship because your partner's starting to

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Speaker 1: throw these words and terms that you've never heard before

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Speaker 1: in the last few years, and all of a sudden, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it just starts to confuse you. Really, the end of

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty, once are going to twenty twenty two New

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Speaker 1: Year's we had officially had a very big fight, and

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Speaker 1: I said, I'm just I cannot be treated like this anymore.

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Speaker 1: I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want.

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Speaker 1: I can't be told I want you one day and

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Speaker 1: I don't want you the next day. I started to

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Speaker 1: take days off from living with him, so we thought

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Speaker 1: maybe giving each other space would be good. So a

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Speaker 1: few days away from the apartment, I would stay with

285
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Speaker 1: my parents. Obviously, I had a very close relationship with

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Speaker 1: my parents. They knew everything, so it was very fine

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Speaker 1: to go back home to mine and then he would

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Speaker 1: also do the same, so I would come back to

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Speaker 1: the apartment and he would spend a few days at

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Speaker 1: his parents. And this went on maybe for about one

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Speaker 1: or two months, until I just called it and said,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to move back home. Throughout that period, he

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Speaker 1: still never gave me one hundred percent. We both kind

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Speaker 1: of agreed maybe we should take a relationship back and

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Speaker 1: I will move out, and maybe he needs to work

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Speaker 1: on himself a little bit more and really prove to

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Speaker 1: me that he wants to be with me. But the

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Speaker 1: best thing for me right now is to move away

299
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Speaker 1: from him, be a bit more independent. It got to

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Speaker 1: a point where I didn't want to break up, but

301
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Speaker 1: I knew mentally I cannot go through these emotions anymore.

302
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Speaker 3: It wasn't really a break up, more of a break

303
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Speaker 3: because Emily wanted to be with Josh more than anything,

304
00:15:42,445 --> 00:15:44,845
Speaker 3: and soon he realized that's what he wanted to.

305
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Speaker 1: It was just a rollercoaster those periods of two months,

306
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Speaker 1: three months. When you like someone and your heart is

307
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Speaker 1: still in love with that person, you go back, and

308
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Speaker 1: that's what happened. What he was saying was, this is

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Speaker 1: the biggest mistake of my life. I should not have

310
00:16:01,205 --> 00:16:03,445
Speaker 1: told you to move out. I was just going through

311
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Speaker 1: some emotions. I promise you, I'm just working on myself.

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Speaker 1: Just a few months apart and will keep seeing each other.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing this because I want to be the best

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Speaker 1: version for when we are together in the future. He

315
00:16:16,525 --> 00:16:19,605
Speaker 1: who would say about how much he loved me, and

316
00:16:19,685 --> 00:16:23,605
Speaker 1: how much he would say about how it's all about

317
00:16:23,885 --> 00:16:29,685
Speaker 1: building himself for being a better partner later on in life.

318
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Speaker 1: He consistently messaged me every single day, as much as

319
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Speaker 1: I told him, maybe we should just lay off speaking

320
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Speaker 1: for a little bit. That was near and possible because

321
00:16:40,205 --> 00:16:42,165
Speaker 1: I would still get my phone calls, I would still

322
00:16:42,205 --> 00:16:46,485
Speaker 1: get constant messages. It was almost like we never broke up. Really,

323
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Speaker 1: it was just a break from living together. I thought

324
00:16:50,485 --> 00:16:53,525
Speaker 1: he might just be going through some emotional things. Could

325
00:16:53,525 --> 00:16:55,725
Speaker 1: have just been a really hard year with everything going on.

326
00:16:56,285 --> 00:16:58,605
Speaker 1: I put that aside and I said, all right, let's

327
00:16:58,605 --> 00:17:01,645
Speaker 1: work on our relationship. I won't live with you. Let's

328
00:17:01,725 --> 00:17:04,565
Speaker 1: keep moving forward. And we did, and we worked very

329
00:17:04,605 --> 00:17:07,925
Speaker 1: hard for the next two years. So I lived at home,

330
00:17:08,405 --> 00:17:11,085
Speaker 1: he continued to live about a home. I helped him

331
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Speaker 1: find his next apartment. So we were very much still together,

332
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:21,085
Speaker 1: just not living together. We went to weddings, we traveled,

333
00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:23,605
Speaker 1: and then we went away in the middle of the

334
00:17:23,725 --> 00:17:27,405
Speaker 1: year to South Australia did a two three week wine trip.

335
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Speaker 1: We were really excited because we're like, yes, this is right,

336
00:17:29,805 --> 00:17:32,525
Speaker 1: Like we love being with each other, we love traveling.

337
00:17:32,965 --> 00:17:36,445
Speaker 1: So end of twenty twenty two, I said, look for

338
00:17:36,485 --> 00:17:39,125
Speaker 1: financial reasons, I prefer to live at home. Since our

339
00:17:39,165 --> 00:17:42,285
Speaker 1: relationships working so well, you know, it's really not that different. Now.

340
00:17:42,885 --> 00:17:45,925
Speaker 1: Everything's fine. Our friends know we're back together, our family

341
00:17:45,965 --> 00:17:49,685
Speaker 1: know we're back together. We really are just working well.

342
00:17:50,205 --> 00:17:52,725
Speaker 1: We're both loving each other again. It just kind of

343
00:17:52,965 --> 00:17:57,445
Speaker 1: excelled back to where we were. The fear of like, oh,

344
00:17:57,525 --> 00:17:59,165
Speaker 1: he doesn't want to commit to me had kind of

345
00:17:59,205 --> 00:18:02,445
Speaker 1: disappeared in that period because he started to just give

346
00:18:02,485 --> 00:18:04,485
Speaker 1: me one hundred percent when I was with him, and

347
00:18:04,565 --> 00:18:06,605
Speaker 1: I didn't need to see him every day because he

348
00:18:06,765 --> 00:18:10,165
Speaker 1: was being a healthy partner and that he gave me

349
00:18:10,245 --> 00:18:13,005
Speaker 1: the things that I wanted again and everything was fine.

350
00:18:13,485 --> 00:18:16,285
Speaker 1: We planned a trip for Europe in twenty twenty three

351
00:18:16,325 --> 00:18:20,325
Speaker 1: and we traveled to Europe for six weeks, went with

352
00:18:21,005 --> 00:18:24,405
Speaker 1: just us two and the only thing I would say

353
00:18:24,405 --> 00:18:27,045
Speaker 1: about that trip was that before we went away, I

354
00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:30,605
Speaker 1: was thinking, like would he propose? And before we left

355
00:18:30,685 --> 00:18:33,045
Speaker 1: he kind of said to me when we were sitting

356
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,525
Speaker 1: at the airport, and I remember this, he said, just

357
00:18:35,605 --> 00:18:38,125
Speaker 1: letting you know, I'm not proposing to you because I

358
00:18:38,325 --> 00:18:40,445
Speaker 1: don't think I can afford it right now. And I

359
00:18:40,485 --> 00:18:43,885
Speaker 1: was like, okay, right, and I go, I know that's

360
00:18:43,925 --> 00:18:46,645
Speaker 1: not what the troop's about. I said yes, because an

361
00:18:46,645 --> 00:18:49,325
Speaker 1: engagement won't change anything. We've been together for years, like

362
00:18:49,765 --> 00:18:51,725
Speaker 1: I know this person will do it. And I also

363
00:18:51,765 --> 00:18:53,685
Speaker 1: said to my I'm not asking for it right now,

364
00:18:53,765 --> 00:18:55,845
Speaker 1: like I understand, Like if you're able to show me

365
00:18:55,845 --> 00:18:57,085
Speaker 1: that you love me and that you want to be

366
00:18:57,125 --> 00:19:00,005
Speaker 1: with me and you're still promising me that future, then

367
00:19:00,085 --> 00:19:02,765
Speaker 1: I'm going to agree day you don't need for proposing

368
00:19:02,765 --> 00:19:04,365
Speaker 1: this trip, because you can maybe can do it the

369
00:19:04,365 --> 00:19:06,485
Speaker 1: next one that we go on or the end of

370
00:19:06,485 --> 00:19:08,765
Speaker 1: the year or whatever. There was no I still had

371
00:19:08,765 --> 00:19:11,485
Speaker 1: that certainty from him because he still showed me that

372
00:19:11,725 --> 00:19:15,205
Speaker 1: we would still be potentially getting married even when we're away.

373
00:19:15,285 --> 00:19:18,685
Speaker 1: We're like talking about places that could be nice to

374
00:19:18,885 --> 00:19:22,925
Speaker 1: get married, and especially when we were in Amalfi and Italy,

375
00:19:22,965 --> 00:19:25,085
Speaker 1: we were talking about like, oh gosh, how beautiful would

376
00:19:25,085 --> 00:19:27,765
Speaker 1: be to do our wedding here, Like the intentions were

377
00:19:27,805 --> 00:19:30,485
Speaker 1: always still there. He started to plan like that we

378
00:19:30,565 --> 00:19:34,085
Speaker 1: would get married overseas and maybe a lope overseas and

379
00:19:34,405 --> 00:19:37,805
Speaker 1: have a real intimate wedding with like our closest friends

380
00:19:37,925 --> 00:19:43,005
Speaker 1: and just really he still painted this picture about getting engaged.

381
00:19:43,325 --> 00:19:47,525
Speaker 1: So we go on our trip. Everything was beautiful. It

382
00:19:47,565 --> 00:19:50,765
Speaker 1: was that European trip. Were traveling everywhere, so in love.

383
00:19:50,965 --> 00:19:53,005
Speaker 1: We're like, oh my gosh, like this is amazing. We

384
00:19:53,045 --> 00:19:56,445
Speaker 1: can't wait to do this again. And then we come

385
00:19:56,525 --> 00:20:01,045
Speaker 1: back and something changes again. I don't know what it was.

386
00:20:01,205 --> 00:20:03,525
Speaker 1: I could not figure it out, but he starts to

387
00:20:03,565 --> 00:20:08,405
Speaker 1: become the most up and down person I've ever met.

388
00:20:08,485 --> 00:20:11,885
Speaker 1: So leading up to Europe, everything was fine. We go away,

389
00:20:11,925 --> 00:20:14,205
Speaker 1: we come back, and he just becomes a person of

390
00:20:14,285 --> 00:20:16,125
Speaker 1: doubts and insecurities again.

391
00:20:18,405 --> 00:20:22,125
Speaker 3: It was an absolute rollercoaster. But Emily wanted to stick

392
00:20:22,165 --> 00:20:24,925
Speaker 3: by him and help him. It had been almost seven

393
00:20:25,005 --> 00:20:28,525
Speaker 3: years they've been together now, and she loved him, didn't she.

394
00:20:29,485 --> 00:20:35,365
Speaker 1: We get to around February, he starts to really change,

395
00:20:35,525 --> 00:20:38,565
Speaker 1: and this is a side of him I've never seen before.

396
00:20:39,245 --> 00:20:42,885
Speaker 1: So this is when I start questioning if I want

397
00:20:42,885 --> 00:20:45,205
Speaker 1: to be with this person anymore? Am I really going

398
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,405
Speaker 1: to be waiting around for someone to make up their mind?

399
00:20:48,685 --> 00:20:55,245
Speaker 1: And the way he would talk to me was irritable, angry, tired.

400
00:20:56,285 --> 00:20:58,725
Speaker 1: He didn't treat me how I was treated in the

401
00:20:58,765 --> 00:21:01,605
Speaker 1: first few years. We weren't going out as much anymore.

402
00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:04,645
Speaker 1: He started to not make sense with how he spoke

403
00:21:04,685 --> 00:21:08,485
Speaker 1: to me. His actions just were different. He would not

404
00:21:08,565 --> 00:21:12,645
Speaker 1: touch me anymore, he was less physical, emotionally, started to

405
00:21:12,645 --> 00:21:16,085
Speaker 1: be disconnected, and I really noticed it around my friends

406
00:21:16,085 --> 00:21:18,205
Speaker 1: as well. How he started to treat me, it was

407
00:21:18,325 --> 00:21:21,045
Speaker 1: quite rude. How he talked about me started to change

408
00:21:21,085 --> 00:21:25,205
Speaker 1: as well. He just became a different person. I always

409
00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:27,325
Speaker 1: gave him the benefit of doubt that maybe it's because

410
00:21:27,325 --> 00:21:30,405
Speaker 1: of his work or because of something going on with

411
00:21:30,485 --> 00:21:32,685
Speaker 1: his friends, but it just got to the point where

412
00:21:32,685 --> 00:21:35,485
Speaker 1: there was one night where he started to tell me

413
00:21:35,525 --> 00:21:38,485
Speaker 1: that he had anxiety, and I said, what anxiety. You've

414
00:21:38,605 --> 00:21:41,245
Speaker 1: never had anxiety around me before. What's going on? And

415
00:21:41,245 --> 00:21:44,325
Speaker 1: he did have a really big anxiety attack one night

416
00:21:44,685 --> 00:21:46,165
Speaker 1: and woke me up in the middle of the night

417
00:21:46,205 --> 00:21:49,165
Speaker 1: and said he can't breathe and just something's not right.

418
00:21:49,645 --> 00:21:52,765
Speaker 1: So I didn't really do anything about it. I just

419
00:21:52,925 --> 00:21:54,725
Speaker 1: let him be. I let him treat me how he

420
00:21:54,765 --> 00:21:59,045
Speaker 1: wanted to treat me. And I continued on until we

421
00:21:59,125 --> 00:22:04,045
Speaker 1: get to April, and then everything came crumbling down one

422
00:22:04,125 --> 00:22:08,205
Speaker 1: day when my sister rocked up to my door. She

423
00:22:08,285 --> 00:22:12,005
Speaker 1: knocked to my door and said, Emily, I think Josh

424
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:17,245
Speaker 1: has another girlfriend. They've been together for two years.

425
00:22:18,645 --> 00:22:22,925
Speaker 3: Meet Olivia in twenty twenty two. She was twenty six

426
00:22:23,005 --> 00:22:25,645
Speaker 3: and just out of a long term relationship when she

427
00:22:25,725 --> 00:22:28,005
Speaker 3: went to work one day in a job in healthcare

428
00:22:28,445 --> 00:22:30,965
Speaker 3: and was on shift with a guy she hadn't met before,

429
00:22:31,565 --> 00:22:33,365
Speaker 3: a guy named Josh.

430
00:22:33,925 --> 00:22:35,765
Speaker 5: We have the same job, but we didn't work in

431
00:22:35,805 --> 00:22:39,325
Speaker 5: the same area. I had to go to his area

432
00:22:39,565 --> 00:22:43,685
Speaker 5: to work that day, so I'd never met him before. Initially,

433
00:22:43,925 --> 00:22:46,325
Speaker 5: at the start of the shift, I didn't think anything

434
00:22:46,325 --> 00:22:48,445
Speaker 5: of it. You just go to work, you're in work mode,

435
00:22:48,565 --> 00:22:52,445
Speaker 5: you just get talking. He came across as very confident,

436
00:22:52,965 --> 00:22:57,885
Speaker 5: but during the shift he asked me a lot about myself.

437
00:22:58,565 --> 00:23:01,125
Speaker 5: So the job was really intense and we were working

438
00:23:01,165 --> 00:23:04,965
Speaker 5: together one on one for twelve hours. That's obviously a

439
00:23:04,965 --> 00:23:08,165
Speaker 5: lot of time to get to know somebody he came across,

440
00:23:08,285 --> 00:23:12,325
Speaker 5: very charming, charismatic, wanted to know a lot about me,

441
00:23:12,645 --> 00:23:16,365
Speaker 5: asked a lot of questions during the twelve hours. But

442
00:23:17,325 --> 00:23:19,885
Speaker 5: it started off with just general chit chat, but quite

443
00:23:19,925 --> 00:23:23,645
Speaker 5: quickly it got into quite serious questions. He wanted to

444
00:23:23,645 --> 00:23:28,165
Speaker 5: know about my family, my past relationships, what I wanted

445
00:23:28,165 --> 00:23:31,725
Speaker 5: in a relationship. He had a way of asking the

446
00:23:31,805 --> 00:23:36,965
Speaker 5: questions without it seeming like they were too intimate. He

447
00:23:37,125 --> 00:23:41,285
Speaker 5: asked me a lot about my previous boyfriend and why

448
00:23:41,365 --> 00:23:44,365
Speaker 5: we broke up, and I said, you know, we had

449
00:23:44,365 --> 00:23:46,605
Speaker 5: a great relationship. He was a great person, but just

450
00:23:46,725 --> 00:23:50,245
Speaker 5: wasn't the person for me. And I remember saying a

451
00:23:50,285 --> 00:23:53,045
Speaker 5: few of the reasons why I broke up with him,

452
00:23:53,725 --> 00:23:58,485
Speaker 5: and he then said to me, oh, they're very similar

453
00:23:58,525 --> 00:24:01,245
Speaker 5: reasons to why I broke up with my ex girlfriend.

454
00:24:01,525 --> 00:24:05,085
Speaker 5: So I'd say that's actually probably how we bonded the most.

455
00:24:05,125 --> 00:24:05,725
Speaker 5: I would say.

456
00:24:06,485 --> 00:24:07,365
Speaker 1: He spoke a lot.

457
00:24:07,245 --> 00:24:13,525
Speaker 5: About his ex girlfriend and what they were missing in

458
00:24:13,565 --> 00:24:17,565
Speaker 5: their relationship and what he wanted in his next relationship.

459
00:24:18,645 --> 00:24:21,365
Speaker 5: I then went home that night and he'd added me

460
00:24:21,445 --> 00:24:25,805
Speaker 5: on social media as you do, and slid into my DMS,

461
00:24:26,245 --> 00:24:29,285
Speaker 5: and we just got chatting when I left the shift.

462
00:24:29,285 --> 00:24:32,925
Speaker 5: I remember driving home and thought, oh, wow, I've met

463
00:24:32,925 --> 00:24:35,005
Speaker 5: someone that will be in my life for a long time.

464
00:24:35,245 --> 00:24:38,405
Speaker 5: You have that feeling where you know that you met them.

465
00:24:38,285 --> 00:24:39,005
Speaker 1: For a reason.

466
00:24:39,725 --> 00:24:43,845
Speaker 5: That's definitely how I felt. I don't know if I

467
00:24:43,965 --> 00:24:47,565
Speaker 5: knew in what capacity. Because of work, it's obviously like

468
00:24:47,605 --> 00:24:50,485
Speaker 5: a different environment. I didn't know if we would just

469
00:24:50,485 --> 00:24:52,925
Speaker 5: be friends, or if we would go out on a

470
00:24:53,005 --> 00:24:56,045
Speaker 5: date or anything like that. But I definitely had the

471
00:24:56,045 --> 00:24:58,085
Speaker 5: feeling that I'd met someone that we had a lot

472
00:24:58,125 --> 00:25:00,285
Speaker 5: in common with and that i'd want to see again.

473
00:25:00,605 --> 00:25:04,485
Speaker 5: So when he messaged me on social media, I did

474
00:25:04,525 --> 00:25:07,565
Speaker 5: feel happy. I thought, oh, he obviously thought it as well.

475
00:25:08,045 --> 00:25:11,645
Speaker 5: We obviously did have the cane. It wasn't just one sided.

476
00:25:12,645 --> 00:25:16,445
Speaker 5: From that day when we messaged each other, that was it.

477
00:25:16,605 --> 00:25:20,165
Speaker 5: You start talking to each other every day, and we

478
00:25:20,245 --> 00:25:22,205
Speaker 5: did not speak to each other for a day from

479
00:25:22,365 --> 00:25:26,485
Speaker 5: July twenty twenty two onwards. I think initially my thing

480
00:25:26,605 --> 00:25:29,445
Speaker 5: was I felt very seen. He seemed to really understand

481
00:25:29,485 --> 00:25:33,605
Speaker 5: my personality. He seemed to really connect with my personality.

482
00:25:33,725 --> 00:25:36,485
Speaker 5: It seemed like I had met the boy version of me.

483
00:25:36,645 --> 00:25:40,285
Speaker 5: Almost When he was asking me questions, he would always say, oh,

484
00:25:40,325 --> 00:25:42,845
Speaker 5: that's the same as me, or that's what I'm looking for,

485
00:25:42,965 --> 00:25:45,405
Speaker 5: or oh wow, we seem like we really want the

486
00:25:45,445 --> 00:25:48,925
Speaker 5: same things in the future. Even that first shift, I

487
00:25:49,005 --> 00:25:53,045
Speaker 5: remember him comparing me to his family and saying that

488
00:25:53,805 --> 00:25:55,965
Speaker 5: I had a lot in common with his family, and

489
00:25:56,005 --> 00:25:58,645
Speaker 5: he thinks that just things like that, you know, my

490
00:25:58,765 --> 00:26:00,885
Speaker 5: sister does that, or you know, you have a lot

491
00:26:00,885 --> 00:26:03,165
Speaker 5: in common with my sister, or he would say things like,

492
00:26:03,205 --> 00:26:05,205
Speaker 5: oh my god, it's so weird, like you remind me

493
00:26:05,205 --> 00:26:06,925
Speaker 5: a lot of my family. You would fit in really

494
00:26:06,965 --> 00:26:10,925
Speaker 5: well with my family. Spend a lot of time together.

495
00:26:11,285 --> 00:26:15,565
Speaker 5: We spoke every day, We started going out on dates.

496
00:26:16,245 --> 00:26:19,165
Speaker 5: He was definitely the type to want to impress, want

497
00:26:19,205 --> 00:26:23,085
Speaker 5: to whine and dine, you take you out to different restaurants,

498
00:26:23,165 --> 00:26:27,045
Speaker 5: try different wines, things like that. He always thought of

499
00:26:27,125 --> 00:26:30,805
Speaker 5: himself as a romantic and he wanted to.

500
00:26:31,045 --> 00:26:32,205
Speaker 1: Convey that as well.

501
00:26:32,925 --> 00:26:37,005
Speaker 5: I would say it was pretty standard the way it happened.

502
00:26:37,045 --> 00:26:40,405
Speaker 5: You just start spending more time together, and then a

503
00:26:40,445 --> 00:26:43,085
Speaker 5: couple of months later, you know, you just have the

504
00:26:43,085 --> 00:26:47,405
Speaker 5: conversation and we were boyfriend and girlfriend. So that was

505
00:26:48,245 --> 00:26:50,725
Speaker 5: maybe three to four months after July. We had the

506
00:26:50,725 --> 00:26:55,565
Speaker 5: conversation that we were together, and that was it. I

507
00:26:55,605 --> 00:26:59,565
Speaker 5: remember thinking that the feeling that I have for Josh

508
00:26:59,685 --> 00:27:02,005
Speaker 5: is very different to the feeling that I had for

509
00:27:02,125 --> 00:27:05,125
Speaker 5: my ex partner. I remember with my ex partner, I

510
00:27:05,165 --> 00:27:08,085
Speaker 5: always felt very safe and secure, and with Josh, I

511
00:27:08,245 --> 00:27:13,485
Speaker 5: always felt excitement. I thought that maybe this is what

512
00:27:13,525 --> 00:27:17,285
Speaker 5: butterflies were. I didn't recognize the feeling. I didn't know

513
00:27:17,325 --> 00:27:20,405
Speaker 5: if it was love. I think it was definitely something

514
00:27:20,405 --> 00:27:24,565
Speaker 5: that I wanted to explore. Because I'd only just gotten

515
00:27:24,565 --> 00:27:28,405
Speaker 5: out of a relationship a couple months earlier. I was

516
00:27:28,445 --> 00:27:30,445
Speaker 5: still very much in the era where I was wanting

517
00:27:30,485 --> 00:27:32,605
Speaker 5: to do things for myself. I was wanting to keep

518
00:27:32,605 --> 00:27:35,565
Speaker 5: my independence. So I would say that probably the first

519
00:27:35,685 --> 00:27:39,125
Speaker 5: year I was a very slow progression, but it was fine.

520
00:27:39,125 --> 00:27:42,885
Speaker 5: It was healthy because we worked in the same workplace.

521
00:27:42,965 --> 00:27:45,725
Speaker 5: We worked in different areas, but I did know a

522
00:27:45,765 --> 00:27:47,565
Speaker 5: lot of the people that he was friends with, and

523
00:27:47,605 --> 00:27:49,405
Speaker 5: he knew a lot of the people that I was

524
00:27:49,405 --> 00:27:52,725
Speaker 5: friends with. So we slowly started to just go out

525
00:27:52,765 --> 00:27:56,725
Speaker 5: into different work things or I would meet his friends.

526
00:27:56,805 --> 00:27:59,205
Speaker 5: But a lot of his friends from work I already knew,

527
00:27:59,245 --> 00:28:03,525
Speaker 5: so it wasn't necessarily getting introduced to his friends, it

528
00:28:03,605 --> 00:28:07,165
Speaker 5: was more just meeting them in the capacity of Josh's girlfriend.

529
00:28:08,085 --> 00:28:11,685
Speaker 5: He was European, one of his sisters lived over in Europe,

530
00:28:11,845 --> 00:28:15,165
Speaker 5: and one of his sisters lived quite rurally, so it

531
00:28:15,205 --> 00:28:20,165
Speaker 5: wasn't easy for us to organize to meet his family.

532
00:28:20,885 --> 00:28:26,005
Speaker 5: Josh's mum lived between Europe and Australia, so there was

533
00:28:26,045 --> 00:28:29,725
Speaker 5: only small windows where we would have the opportunity for

534
00:28:29,725 --> 00:28:32,805
Speaker 5: me to meet her. He would always say, like, my

535
00:28:32,925 --> 00:28:35,645
Speaker 5: mum is really excited to meet you. My sisters and

536
00:28:35,685 --> 00:28:37,405
Speaker 5: my mum have heard so much about you. They're going

537
00:28:37,485 --> 00:28:43,125
Speaker 5: to love you. Your everything that they kind of envisioned me with.

538
00:28:44,325 --> 00:28:48,445
Speaker 5: He then went to Europe in the middle of twenty

539
00:28:48,485 --> 00:28:51,525
Speaker 5: twenty three. He told me that he had booked that

540
00:28:51,685 --> 00:28:55,405
Speaker 5: trip prior to meeting me a year before with one

541
00:28:55,445 --> 00:28:59,245
Speaker 5: of his best friends, so even though we were together now,

542
00:28:59,285 --> 00:29:02,205
Speaker 5: he'd already booked this Europe trip prior to meeting me.

543
00:29:02,405 --> 00:29:04,445
Speaker 5: I didn't have to leave from work, so I wouldn't

544
00:29:04,445 --> 00:29:06,805
Speaker 5: have been able to go on this Europe trip either,

545
00:29:07,445 --> 00:29:10,085
Speaker 5: I would say. When he was in Europe, he was

546
00:29:10,205 --> 00:29:13,445
Speaker 5: very intense with me. He used to message me every day,

547
00:29:13,605 --> 00:29:16,165
Speaker 5: call me all the time, send me a lot of

548
00:29:16,245 --> 00:29:20,885
Speaker 5: voice notes. It had never really been like this before.

549
00:29:21,005 --> 00:29:24,445
Speaker 5: It was always quite it seems like quite a healthy

550
00:29:24,565 --> 00:29:28,485
Speaker 5: relationship initially, and when he was in Europe, I thought

551
00:29:28,565 --> 00:29:30,445
Speaker 5: maybe it was just because he was there and he

552
00:29:30,485 --> 00:29:32,525
Speaker 5: was missing me and he was sad that he had

553
00:29:32,565 --> 00:29:35,325
Speaker 5: gone to Europe without me. But there was a lot

554
00:29:35,365 --> 00:29:39,805
Speaker 5: of like intense conversations, a lot of conversations about the future,

555
00:29:40,365 --> 00:29:42,045
Speaker 5: a lot of how much he loved me, a lot

556
00:29:42,045 --> 00:29:45,165
Speaker 5: of how much he missed me. And then when he

557
00:29:45,245 --> 00:29:48,245
Speaker 5: came back, So this is a year into our relationship,

558
00:29:48,685 --> 00:29:54,205
Speaker 5: in July twenty twenty three, I would say that it

559
00:29:54,365 --> 00:29:57,405
Speaker 5: started to become a lot more intense. He would start

560
00:29:57,685 --> 00:30:00,525
Speaker 5: talking a lot more about the future. I suppose I

561
00:30:00,525 --> 00:30:02,685
Speaker 5: thought that was normal. We've been together for about a

562
00:30:02,765 --> 00:30:07,445
Speaker 5: year at this point, so I thought that he had

563
00:30:07,525 --> 00:30:09,805
Speaker 5: just kind of realized that I was the person that

564
00:30:09,845 --> 00:30:12,765
Speaker 5: he wanted to be with at this point, I would say,

565
00:30:12,765 --> 00:30:15,365
Speaker 5: throughout the relationship, though it was a lot of push

566
00:30:15,405 --> 00:30:20,165
Speaker 5: and pull, it was never this linear good stage. It

567
00:30:20,205 --> 00:30:25,685
Speaker 5: never felt like a healthy balance of a normal relationship

568
00:30:25,725 --> 00:30:28,245
Speaker 5: to what I thought a normal relationship was. There was

569
00:30:28,285 --> 00:30:30,965
Speaker 5: always good times and bad times. There was always times

570
00:30:30,965 --> 00:30:33,405
Speaker 5: where he was really attentive, and then times where he

571
00:30:33,525 --> 00:30:36,725
Speaker 5: wasn't really attentive. So for the first year, the ups

572
00:30:36,765 --> 00:30:40,085
Speaker 5: and downs that we had were definitely more time that

573
00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:42,765
Speaker 5: we could spend with each other because we were both

574
00:30:42,805 --> 00:30:45,765
Speaker 5: so busy. I would say that we would go through

575
00:30:45,805 --> 00:30:47,805
Speaker 5: periods where we were able to see each other a lot,

576
00:30:47,845 --> 00:30:49,645
Speaker 5: and then periods where we weren't able to see each

577
00:30:49,685 --> 00:30:51,685
Speaker 5: other a lot. There'd be periods where he was really

578
00:30:51,685 --> 00:30:53,845
Speaker 5: busy and unable to see me, and then periods where

579
00:30:53,845 --> 00:30:56,485
Speaker 5: he'd want to see me every single day. It was

580
00:30:56,645 --> 00:30:59,365
Speaker 5: just like how you always kind of know, like is

581
00:30:59,405 --> 00:31:01,685
Speaker 5: someone texting you all the time? Is someone calling you

582
00:31:01,725 --> 00:31:05,485
Speaker 5: all the time? Or was he a little bit more distant,

583
00:31:05,685 --> 00:31:07,965
Speaker 5: not wanting to talk as much, not able to talk,

584
00:31:08,205 --> 00:31:10,405
Speaker 5: maybe not answering my phone own calls for a couple

585
00:31:10,485 --> 00:31:14,685
Speaker 5: of hours, or things like that. When I first got

586
00:31:14,685 --> 00:31:18,805
Speaker 5: into a relationship with him, I was pretty anxious.

587
00:31:19,005 --> 00:31:19,725
Speaker 1: I would say.

588
00:31:19,925 --> 00:31:24,885
Speaker 5: I started going to therapy for anxiety around the same

589
00:31:24,925 --> 00:31:30,125
Speaker 5: time that we had gotten together, and I thought that

590
00:31:30,165 --> 00:31:33,325
Speaker 5: the ups and downs were always me. So when I

591
00:31:33,405 --> 00:31:36,645
Speaker 5: wasn't feeling secure in the relationship, I would always think, like,

592
00:31:37,165 --> 00:31:41,165
Speaker 5: it's just because you're anxious, it's your fault. Anything that's

593
00:31:41,205 --> 00:31:44,085
Speaker 5: going on would just be because of you. So I

594
00:31:44,205 --> 00:31:49,165
Speaker 5: thought that potentially that everything was always normal in our relationship,

595
00:31:49,245 --> 00:31:53,325
Speaker 5: and my emotions were the ones that changed. I would

596
00:31:53,325 --> 00:31:57,485
Speaker 5: always end up leaving the conversation feeling like I had

597
00:31:57,485 --> 00:32:00,485
Speaker 5: done something wrong and my reaction was the problem, and

598
00:32:00,685 --> 00:32:04,045
Speaker 5: I would always bring something up but leave the conversation apologizing.

599
00:32:04,685 --> 00:32:07,765
Speaker 5: So the time where that kind of became really evident

600
00:32:08,005 --> 00:32:10,085
Speaker 5: was on my birthday. It was my birthday when we

601
00:32:10,085 --> 00:32:14,325
Speaker 5: were overseas with my friend and we had an argument

602
00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:18,645
Speaker 5: on the phone, and he made me feel really bad

603
00:32:18,685 --> 00:32:23,885
Speaker 5: about it, and I left the conversation saying to my friend, oh,

604
00:32:24,085 --> 00:32:27,365
Speaker 5: I expected too much on my birthday. He did his best.

605
00:32:27,405 --> 00:32:29,725
Speaker 5: He called me up. You know, He's told me that

606
00:32:29,885 --> 00:32:33,485
Speaker 5: I expected too much of him and I should have

607
00:32:33,565 --> 00:32:36,205
Speaker 5: just been happy with what I got from him. At

608
00:32:36,205 --> 00:32:39,645
Speaker 5: that time, I think potentially having the space saying it

609
00:32:39,685 --> 00:32:41,725
Speaker 5: out loud, and then also just having a friend to

610
00:32:41,805 --> 00:32:45,885
Speaker 5: talk to made it quite obvious that that wasn't normal.

611
00:32:46,925 --> 00:32:50,045
Speaker 3: After a year together, Olivia decided this maybe wasn't the

612
00:32:50,085 --> 00:32:53,085
Speaker 3: relationship for her. After all, it had been fun, but

613
00:32:53,285 --> 00:32:56,605
Speaker 3: it wasn't too serious. So when she got home from

614
00:32:56,605 --> 00:32:59,525
Speaker 3: her holiday, she decided to call it quits. She told

615
00:32:59,565 --> 00:33:02,965
Speaker 3: him this wasn't what she wanted, but Josh wouldn't let go.

616
00:33:03,925 --> 00:33:07,485
Speaker 5: I was getting messages the next day saying that he

617
00:33:07,525 --> 00:33:10,965
Speaker 5: didn't want to break up and that he will fix it,

618
00:33:11,245 --> 00:33:13,125
Speaker 5: and he doesn't know how he's going to fix it yet,

619
00:33:13,165 --> 00:33:16,125
Speaker 5: but he's going to start going to therapy and he's

620
00:33:16,165 --> 00:33:17,725
Speaker 5: going to be better and he's going to learn a

621
00:33:17,765 --> 00:33:20,565
Speaker 5: lot about it, and he would really like if I

622
00:33:20,645 --> 00:33:24,365
Speaker 5: could stick by him. Everything kind of turned after that.

623
00:33:24,525 --> 00:33:28,165
Speaker 5: It went to a completely different level of a relationship.

624
00:33:28,405 --> 00:33:33,245
Speaker 5: I was completely love bombed. I was getting text messages

625
00:33:33,285 --> 00:33:36,325
Speaker 5: every single day. I was getting phone calls every day,

626
00:33:37,085 --> 00:33:40,285
Speaker 5: big paragraphs, and emails and letters, and he would do

627
00:33:40,405 --> 00:33:43,365
Speaker 5: things for me. So he would come to my door

628
00:33:43,405 --> 00:33:45,565
Speaker 5: and he would drop off meals that he'd made for

629
00:33:45,645 --> 00:33:48,205
Speaker 5: me for the whole week and bring me flowers and

630
00:33:48,325 --> 00:33:52,605
Speaker 5: organize dinners. And it was just zero to one hundred.

631
00:33:53,325 --> 00:33:57,885
Speaker 5: He came and spent Christmas with my family in Queensland.

632
00:33:58,285 --> 00:34:01,365
Speaker 5: He booked his flights. They were obviously expensive over Christmas.

633
00:34:01,765 --> 00:34:04,525
Speaker 5: I think he spent upwards of five hundred dollars to

634
00:34:04,605 --> 00:34:07,485
Speaker 5: fly there. He said that he was really excited. He

635
00:34:07,565 --> 00:34:09,885
Speaker 5: spoke a lot about it. He was I to meet

636
00:34:09,885 --> 00:34:12,365
Speaker 5: my family. He wanted to know if he could get

637
00:34:12,365 --> 00:34:15,285
Speaker 5: them presents. He was doing all the things that you

638
00:34:15,325 --> 00:34:18,965
Speaker 5: would expect of a loving partner at that time. I

639
00:34:18,965 --> 00:34:22,805
Speaker 5: would say we had a perfect relationship where he was

640
00:34:23,325 --> 00:34:27,165
Speaker 5: completely devoted to me. He was always infatuated with me.

641
00:34:27,445 --> 00:34:30,045
Speaker 5: He used to tell me how great I was, and

642
00:34:30,125 --> 00:34:33,205
Speaker 5: he would send me pictures of things that he would,

643
00:34:33,405 --> 00:34:35,965
Speaker 5: you know, see in a magazine or on Instagram and say,

644
00:34:36,205 --> 00:34:38,525
Speaker 5: I want this for our house, or he would just

645
00:34:38,605 --> 00:34:40,685
Speaker 5: randomly text me and say, oh, I think you're going

646
00:34:40,725 --> 00:34:43,005
Speaker 5: to be such a great mother. I can't wait to

647
00:34:43,045 --> 00:34:45,885
Speaker 5: have children with you one day. Or it was just

648
00:34:45,965 --> 00:34:48,085
Speaker 5: like I was the best person in the whole world,

649
00:34:48,165 --> 00:34:52,685
Speaker 5: and it was It's very hard to not like feeling

650
00:34:52,805 --> 00:34:56,805
Speaker 5: like that when someone is just like absolutely infatuated with

651
00:34:57,005 --> 00:34:59,405
Speaker 5: everything that you could do, and I could do no wrong.

652
00:34:59,445 --> 00:35:01,765
Speaker 5: And he started doing a lot of things that I

653
00:35:01,925 --> 00:35:04,805
Speaker 5: was doing as well. So we were in the same job.

654
00:35:05,485 --> 00:35:07,605
Speaker 5: I had gone back to UNI to study something, and

655
00:35:07,605 --> 00:35:09,325
Speaker 5: then all of a sudden he wanted to go back

656
00:35:09,405 --> 00:35:11,725
Speaker 5: to UNI as well, and he would want to study something,

657
00:35:11,925 --> 00:35:15,765
Speaker 5: or I remember deleting my Instagram because I wanted to

658
00:35:15,805 --> 00:35:18,165
Speaker 5: have some time off social media. So he also deleted

659
00:35:18,205 --> 00:35:20,405
Speaker 5: his Instagram. And he would always just think that every

660
00:35:20,445 --> 00:35:23,165
Speaker 5: idea that I had was honestly like the best thing

661
00:35:23,165 --> 00:35:27,885
Speaker 5: ever I could have never imagined. April twenty twenty four,

662
00:35:28,085 --> 00:35:31,045
Speaker 5: when it all unraveled the way that it did, I

663
00:35:31,165 --> 00:35:34,485
Speaker 5: was between night shifts. It was probably five pm. I'd

664
00:35:34,525 --> 00:35:36,685
Speaker 5: just woken up and I had a text from Josh

665
00:35:36,725 --> 00:35:38,485
Speaker 5: and had said, can you give me a call? We

666
00:35:38,485 --> 00:35:40,925
Speaker 5: need to talk. I was half asleep at this point,

667
00:35:40,965 --> 00:35:42,565
Speaker 5: and I call him up and I'm like, what do

668
00:35:42,605 --> 00:35:45,005
Speaker 5: you want? Like, I'm getting ready for work, half asleep,

669
00:35:45,605 --> 00:35:49,125
Speaker 5: and he was like, so I really need to tell

670
00:35:49,125 --> 00:35:54,485
Speaker 5: you something. When we first started seeing each other two

671
00:35:54,605 --> 00:35:58,165
Speaker 5: years ago, there was a slight overlap with another girl,

672
00:35:59,405 --> 00:36:02,525
Speaker 5: and I had said, what do you mean by a

673
00:36:02,565 --> 00:36:06,485
Speaker 5: slight overlap? Just be straight with me. We met in July.

674
00:36:07,005 --> 00:36:10,565
Speaker 5: Let's say we didn't have the our friend boyfriend chat

675
00:36:10,605 --> 00:36:14,925
Speaker 5: till November. From November, how long was the overlap? And

676
00:36:14,965 --> 00:36:19,405
Speaker 5: he said until February twenty twenty three, And I said, okay,

677
00:36:19,525 --> 00:36:22,605
Speaker 5: I'm done, and I just hung up the phone he

678
00:36:22,685 --> 00:36:26,405
Speaker 5: had told me about another girl from our workplace that

679
00:36:26,565 --> 00:36:31,805
Speaker 5: he had seen slightly before me. So when he said that,

680
00:36:32,325 --> 00:36:35,725
Speaker 5: I thought that he was talking about this girl at

681
00:36:35,725 --> 00:36:40,165
Speaker 5: work called Amy. And I just continued to get ready

682
00:36:40,205 --> 00:36:43,365
Speaker 5: for work. And he had texted me saying I'm coming over.

683
00:36:43,525 --> 00:36:46,725
Speaker 5: Don't leave for work. I said, do not come over.

684
00:36:46,965 --> 00:36:50,445
Speaker 5: I won't be here. I'm going to work, And in

685
00:36:50,525 --> 00:36:54,365
Speaker 5: the meantime he came over. He pulled up at my

686
00:36:54,485 --> 00:36:59,085
Speaker 5: house and messaged me saying I'm outside, let's talk. Just

687
00:36:59,125 --> 00:37:02,285
Speaker 5: as I was about to go outside, I got a

688
00:37:02,445 --> 00:37:08,325
Speaker 5: message from Emily and it said something like, hey, Olivia,

689
00:37:08,925 --> 00:37:12,525
Speaker 5: my name is Emily. Just in case you didn't know,

690
00:37:13,765 --> 00:37:18,285
Speaker 5: I have been in a relationship with Josh for seven years.

691
00:37:19,605 --> 00:37:21,885
Speaker 5: And I just walked out calm it, and he was

692
00:37:21,965 --> 00:37:25,885
Speaker 5: yelling over the fence, this doesn't change anything. We've been

693
00:37:25,925 --> 00:37:28,685
Speaker 5: doing so well. I still love you. You're the one

694
00:37:28,685 --> 00:37:31,765
Speaker 5: that I want to be with. And I just held

695
00:37:31,805 --> 00:37:34,405
Speaker 5: up the phone and I said, look, she's messaged me.

696
00:37:34,565 --> 00:37:37,845
Speaker 5: This photo that she's just sent me is date stamped

697
00:37:37,885 --> 00:37:42,445
Speaker 5: from January. That's not February twenty twenty three. And he

698
00:37:42,525 --> 00:37:46,165
Speaker 5: was saying, no, she's crazy, she's crazy. Don't believe her.

699
00:37:46,965 --> 00:37:50,165
Speaker 5: I was like, babe, it's time stamped, like you just

700
00:37:50,205 --> 00:37:53,605
Speaker 5: stop lying to me, Stop lying to me, and just

701
00:37:53,645 --> 00:37:57,485
Speaker 5: admit to what you've done, because there's evidence here. I'm

702
00:37:57,485 --> 00:38:01,525
Speaker 5: not going to believe you. Stop with the act. And

703
00:38:01,565 --> 00:38:05,845
Speaker 5: he just kind of was silent and he wasn't saying anything.

704
00:38:06,285 --> 00:38:08,925
Speaker 5: I said, let me make it easy for you, because

705
00:38:08,925 --> 00:38:11,445
Speaker 5: you've got a small little brain. I'm going to ask

706
00:38:11,565 --> 00:38:15,205
Speaker 5: you some simple questions. Have you slept with her this year?

707
00:38:15,805 --> 00:38:18,565
Speaker 5: And he said yes. And then I made him come

708
00:38:18,645 --> 00:38:21,285
Speaker 5: over and I said, look at me in the eye.

709
00:38:21,685 --> 00:38:24,485
Speaker 5: And he came over and I said, I'll never forgive you,

710
00:38:24,565 --> 00:38:27,845
Speaker 5: never speak to me again. And then I just walked

711
00:38:27,885 --> 00:38:29,165
Speaker 5: back inside and I went to work.

712
00:38:30,325 --> 00:38:34,965
Speaker 3: Okay, we're all caught up, one guy, two girls, same time,

713
00:38:35,565 --> 00:38:38,005
Speaker 3: So let's go back to Emily and her sister and

714
00:38:38,045 --> 00:38:39,605
Speaker 3: dig into what she found out.

715
00:38:41,525 --> 00:38:44,125
Speaker 1: So when my sister came over and saw me, she

716
00:38:44,285 --> 00:38:49,565
Speaker 1: showed me a message and it was stating that Josh

717
00:38:49,765 --> 00:38:53,965
Speaker 1: has another girlfriend from work for the last two years

718
00:38:54,245 --> 00:38:57,805
Speaker 1: and everyone knows. And I go, what are you talking about?

719
00:38:58,045 --> 00:39:00,645
Speaker 1: And I go to my sister, where did you get

720
00:39:00,645 --> 00:39:02,885
Speaker 1: this from? And she goes, look, I'm not sure, but

721
00:39:03,805 --> 00:39:08,365
Speaker 1: there's a photo of Josh with the other woman, and

722
00:39:08,725 --> 00:39:10,685
Speaker 1: I go, this can't be real. At first, you go

723
00:39:10,885 --> 00:39:13,925
Speaker 1: no way. I literally thought, there's no way. He's not

724
00:39:14,005 --> 00:39:16,285
Speaker 1: capable of that. Where would he find the time to

725
00:39:16,325 --> 00:39:18,485
Speaker 1: have another girlfriend? That was the first thought through my head,

726
00:39:18,525 --> 00:39:21,445
Speaker 1: like who has time like for one relationship, let alone

727
00:39:21,485 --> 00:39:24,485
Speaker 1: another one. So I had a chat to the person

728
00:39:24,525 --> 00:39:28,565
Speaker 1: that sent the photo to my sister, and that person

729
00:39:28,685 --> 00:39:32,325
Speaker 1: began to explain everything to me and said, look, Emily,

730
00:39:32,485 --> 00:39:37,525
Speaker 1: I'm really really sorry. Basically, everyone knows that Josh has

731
00:39:37,565 --> 00:39:41,565
Speaker 1: been in a relationship with Olivia for the last two years.

732
00:39:42,205 --> 00:39:44,965
Speaker 1: These are the photos of them. I don't know what

733
00:39:45,005 --> 00:39:48,725
Speaker 1: else to say to you, but yeah, he's got another partner.

734
00:39:49,125 --> 00:39:54,285
Speaker 1: And when I heard those words, I actually didn't doubt it.

735
00:39:54,405 --> 00:39:58,165
Speaker 1: I go, okay, you know what, I think this makes

736
00:39:58,205 --> 00:40:01,445
Speaker 1: sense because I've been feeling like something was not right,

737
00:40:01,605 --> 00:40:03,725
Speaker 1: and now I think I finally know. But of course

738
00:40:03,765 --> 00:40:05,965
Speaker 1: I'm sick to my stomach because I'm just trying to

739
00:40:06,005 --> 00:40:09,845
Speaker 1: register that my partner has another partner. What do I do?

740
00:40:09,845 --> 00:40:12,085
Speaker 1: Do I confront him in person? Do I say something

741
00:40:12,085 --> 00:40:14,285
Speaker 1: over the phone. You don't really know how to handle it,

742
00:40:14,325 --> 00:40:16,685
Speaker 1: And at that time, I just thought, look, I know

743
00:40:16,765 --> 00:40:18,725
Speaker 1: when he's going to call me. It's four thirty in

744
00:40:18,805 --> 00:40:21,365
Speaker 1: the afternoon. He's just going to wake up from being

745
00:40:21,405 --> 00:40:24,285
Speaker 1: asleep because he has a night shift tonight. I'll have

746
00:40:24,325 --> 00:40:28,205
Speaker 1: a conversation with him on the phone. So I had

747
00:40:28,245 --> 00:40:29,685
Speaker 1: my sister there at the time, so it was good

748
00:40:29,685 --> 00:40:32,765
Speaker 1: to have someone with me, and I was very straight

749
00:40:32,805 --> 00:40:37,725
Speaker 1: to the point he called me. I said, Okay, who

750
00:40:37,805 --> 00:40:42,045
Speaker 1: is Olivia? And he kind of gasped, what are you

751
00:40:42,085 --> 00:40:45,245
Speaker 1: talking about? I go, no, you tell me who Olivia

752
00:40:45,405 --> 00:40:49,085
Speaker 1: is and then we can continue the conversation. And then

753
00:40:49,205 --> 00:40:51,365
Speaker 1: he starts to say, I don't know where you're getting

754
00:40:51,365 --> 00:40:53,765
Speaker 1: this from. What are you talking about? I'm on a

755
00:40:53,845 --> 00:40:56,885
Speaker 1: highway right now. How dare you start talking to me

756
00:40:57,045 --> 00:41:00,005
Speaker 1: like this, I'm on the way to work. I go, no, no, no,

757
00:41:00,285 --> 00:41:03,005
Speaker 1: you need to tell me. Have you had another girlfriend

758
00:41:03,205 --> 00:41:07,165
Speaker 1: for the last two years from work named Olivia? And

759
00:41:07,205 --> 00:41:10,885
Speaker 1: then he proceeds to say, no, I haven't. I don't

760
00:41:10,885 --> 00:41:13,245
Speaker 1: know where you're getting this from. I go, have you

761
00:41:13,925 --> 00:41:16,725
Speaker 1: hooked up with someone else while you've been a relationship

762
00:41:16,765 --> 00:41:19,765
Speaker 1: with me for the last seven years? And then it

763
00:41:19,765 --> 00:41:24,525
Speaker 1: goes quiet and He's like, Okay, i've kissed someone. You've

764
00:41:24,605 --> 00:41:28,045
Speaker 1: kissed someone, and obviously my reaction starts to become reactive.

765
00:41:28,165 --> 00:41:31,565
Speaker 1: So little by little he starts to say, look, I

766
00:41:31,605 --> 00:41:34,205
Speaker 1: can't talk right now. I'm on the highway. Please let

767
00:41:34,245 --> 00:41:36,365
Speaker 1: me pull over and we can talk about this in

768
00:41:36,525 --> 00:41:39,525
Speaker 1: five ten minutes. So he hangs up the phone and

769
00:41:39,565 --> 00:41:42,045
Speaker 1: I go to my sister. Oh my gosh, I don't

770
00:41:42,045 --> 00:41:44,325
Speaker 1: believe him, like I actually think he's got another partner.

771
00:41:45,085 --> 00:41:47,965
Speaker 1: So I found out the girl's name and I said, look,

772
00:41:48,805 --> 00:41:52,405
Speaker 1: in that interim period where he was pulling over, I

773
00:41:52,445 --> 00:41:57,325
Speaker 1: messaged the other girl, Olivia, and I said, Hi, Olivia,

774
00:41:58,365 --> 00:42:00,525
Speaker 1: my name's Emily, just letting you know I've been a

775
00:42:00,565 --> 00:42:04,165
Speaker 1: relationship with Josh for the last seven years. I highly

776
00:42:04,205 --> 00:42:06,765
Speaker 1: doubt you had any idea about this, but I'd really

777
00:42:06,805 --> 00:42:09,725
Speaker 1: like to talk to you. And he's some phone of

778
00:42:09,805 --> 00:42:12,445
Speaker 1: us for the last few months, just in case you

779
00:42:12,525 --> 00:42:14,405
Speaker 1: wanted to see if she doesn't believe me.

780
00:42:14,925 --> 00:42:17,525
Speaker 4: So Olivia called. She wanted to know what the hell

781
00:42:17,605 --> 00:42:18,325
Speaker 4: was going on too.

782
00:42:19,125 --> 00:42:23,605
Speaker 1: Basically, that phone conversation was Olivia explaining to me that

783
00:42:23,725 --> 00:42:28,605
Speaker 1: she'd been with my partner, Josh for the last two years.

784
00:42:28,605 --> 00:42:31,645
Speaker 1: They'd met at work. They were planning to move out

785
00:42:31,845 --> 00:42:36,645
Speaker 1: in the middle of the year. Basically every single aspect

786
00:42:36,805 --> 00:42:40,205
Speaker 1: of his life was a lie to me. First, it

787
00:42:40,285 --> 00:42:45,245
Speaker 1: was really angry, and my heart just sank just through me.

788
00:42:45,365 --> 00:42:49,405
Speaker 1: I just felt like I'd been actually hit by a truck,

789
00:42:49,485 --> 00:42:53,605
Speaker 1: because I just you would never think tomorrow that your

790
00:42:53,645 --> 00:42:57,205
Speaker 1: partner's just been with someone for them, not just cheated

791
00:42:57,245 --> 00:43:00,645
Speaker 1: on you, but had another relationship with someone else. But

792
00:43:00,765 --> 00:43:03,005
Speaker 1: I think my mind didn't register what was going on,

793
00:43:03,125 --> 00:43:06,325
Speaker 1: so I wasn't even able to cry. I had no emotion.

794
00:43:06,485 --> 00:43:10,605
Speaker 1: I was just really confused and I wasn't sure how

795
00:43:10,645 --> 00:43:13,325
Speaker 1: to process it. And as soon as I'd found out,

796
00:43:13,365 --> 00:43:16,045
Speaker 1: I just kind of felt like, this can't be real.

797
00:43:16,205 --> 00:43:18,485
Speaker 1: This isn't real. I'm in a dream and it's you know,

798
00:43:18,485 --> 00:43:21,245
Speaker 1: it's a very typical line to say, but really you

799
00:43:21,285 --> 00:43:23,765
Speaker 1: sit down and you just don't feel like it's real life,

800
00:43:23,805 --> 00:43:26,445
Speaker 1: because five minutes ago, I was waiting for him to

801
00:43:26,445 --> 00:43:28,405
Speaker 1: call me before he goes to work, and now I'm

802
00:43:28,645 --> 00:43:32,765
Speaker 1: finding out that he's had another girlfriend and he's setting

803
00:43:32,805 --> 00:43:35,765
Speaker 1: up a life with someone else. When I feel like

804
00:43:36,165 --> 00:43:39,885
Speaker 1: understanding in that moment, there was no like the emotional

805
00:43:39,925 --> 00:43:41,925
Speaker 1: side of it was completely cut. It was just this

806
00:43:42,125 --> 00:43:45,365
Speaker 1: like numbness and I don't know what to do and

807
00:43:46,485 --> 00:43:47,445
Speaker 1: what do I do next?

808
00:43:47,685 --> 00:43:49,005
Speaker 4: Olivia felt the same.

809
00:43:49,485 --> 00:43:52,325
Speaker 5: Initially, I didn't have, yeah, the feelings of sadness. I

810
00:43:52,445 --> 00:43:55,125
Speaker 5: just had the feelings of warning to understand it, because

811
00:43:55,165 --> 00:43:59,485
Speaker 5: it's your mind can't comprehend something that is so unfathomable,

812
00:43:59,605 --> 00:44:02,965
Speaker 5: like surely this only happens in movies. So I spoke

813
00:44:03,005 --> 00:44:05,125
Speaker 5: to her on the way to work and we started

814
00:44:05,205 --> 00:44:08,445
Speaker 5: kind of surface level, getting to the bottom of a

815
00:44:08,525 --> 00:44:11,925
Speaker 5: few things, and then we said, you know, let's meet

816
00:44:11,965 --> 00:44:15,125
Speaker 5: up for coffee the next day after I'd had a sleep,

817
00:44:15,445 --> 00:44:19,325
Speaker 5: and we went through pretty much the last two years

818
00:44:19,365 --> 00:44:20,845
Speaker 5: of our lives.

819
00:44:21,205 --> 00:44:23,965
Speaker 1: We both just gave each other all the truth that

820
00:44:24,005 --> 00:44:27,885
Speaker 1: we needed to hear. I found out there was also

821
00:44:27,925 --> 00:44:31,245
Speaker 1: another woman as well, so he did wasn't just with

822
00:44:31,725 --> 00:44:35,645
Speaker 1: one partner for the last two years. I actually found

823
00:44:35,685 --> 00:44:38,525
Speaker 1: out that the reason why we've broken up in the

824
00:44:38,645 --> 00:44:41,125
Speaker 1: end of twenty twenty one was because he cheated on

825
00:44:41,205 --> 00:44:45,165
Speaker 1: me with another woman from work named Amy, who he

826
00:44:45,285 --> 00:44:47,445
Speaker 1: had been on and off scene between the end of

827
00:44:47,445 --> 00:44:51,245
Speaker 1: twenty twenty one. Between twenty twenty two, there was quite

828
00:44:51,285 --> 00:44:55,165
Speaker 1: an overlap of three girls in that year. A few

829
00:44:55,205 --> 00:44:58,765
Speaker 1: weeks before, Josh comes over to my house and says,

830
00:44:59,365 --> 00:45:01,045
Speaker 1: I'm so sick of my mates, so, you know, they

831
00:45:01,125 --> 00:45:03,245
Speaker 1: just he kind of painted this picture that he's had

832
00:45:03,285 --> 00:45:05,565
Speaker 1: a really big falling out with his friends and the

833
00:45:05,605 --> 00:45:07,805
Speaker 1: wedding we were planning to go to this wedding in

834
00:45:07,845 --> 00:45:10,645
Speaker 1: a few weeks that was going to be our first

835
00:45:10,645 --> 00:45:13,365
Speaker 1: wedding of his friends. He told me, oh, I don't

836
00:45:13,365 --> 00:45:15,125
Speaker 1: want to go anymore because I'm just so sick of

837
00:45:15,165 --> 00:45:17,645
Speaker 1: my mates. They just can't make their minds up about something.

838
00:45:18,165 --> 00:45:20,165
Speaker 1: I feel like they're just not the right people around me.

839
00:45:21,005 --> 00:45:23,205
Speaker 1: He always kind of explained to me that his friends

840
00:45:23,245 --> 00:45:26,805
Speaker 1: were never really good people, just never showed up. They

841
00:45:26,805 --> 00:45:29,885
Speaker 1: didn't have very good values. So he painted that to

842
00:45:29,925 --> 00:45:33,085
Speaker 1: me at the time, and he made me believe that

843
00:45:33,165 --> 00:45:36,005
Speaker 1: he had it falling out with the groom of the

844
00:45:36,045 --> 00:45:38,325
Speaker 1: wedding that was coming up in the next two weeks.

845
00:45:38,605 --> 00:45:42,765
Speaker 1: So he had a shift that day of the wedding,

846
00:45:42,805 --> 00:45:44,485
Speaker 1: and leading up to that, I was like, Hey, you

847
00:45:44,605 --> 00:45:46,165
Speaker 1: sure like you're not going to go to the wedding

848
00:45:46,165 --> 00:45:48,725
Speaker 1: because he has no like I don't care about this guy.

849
00:45:48,765 --> 00:45:50,245
Speaker 1: I just you know, I don't want to go to

850
00:45:50,285 --> 00:45:54,285
Speaker 1: the wedding. We're not talking at the moment, so in

851
00:45:54,365 --> 00:45:56,605
Speaker 1: my head I thought he was going to work that day.

852
00:45:56,925 --> 00:46:00,565
Speaker 1: And the thing is, he actually was at mine the

853
00:46:00,685 --> 00:46:05,925
Speaker 1: night before and we packed his lunch and his uniform

854
00:46:06,005 --> 00:46:08,525
Speaker 1: was all laid out for work the next day, and

855
00:46:08,765 --> 00:46:11,365
Speaker 1: he set the alarm for four point thirty five in

856
00:46:11,405 --> 00:46:18,405
Speaker 1: the morning and got up, got ready, literally said goodbye, Emily,

857
00:46:18,445 --> 00:46:20,565
Speaker 1: I'm going to work, and I'm my gosh, like, you know,

858
00:46:20,605 --> 00:46:22,605
Speaker 1: it sucks you're going to work today, you know, have

859
00:46:22,685 --> 00:46:25,285
Speaker 1: a great day. He's like, yeah, like, you know, it

860
00:46:25,325 --> 00:46:27,525
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. You know, I don't really want to go

861
00:46:27,565 --> 00:46:31,165
Speaker 1: to this wedding. The man literally left my house in

862
00:46:31,365 --> 00:46:35,605
Speaker 1: uniform only to probably get change in the cart and

863
00:46:35,765 --> 00:46:38,685
Speaker 1: drive home and get ready to go to the wedding

864
00:46:40,565 --> 00:46:43,605
Speaker 1: with Olivia. And that was not the first time he'd

865
00:46:43,685 --> 00:46:46,005
Speaker 1: left mine and put his uniform on and pretended to

866
00:46:46,045 --> 00:46:49,365
Speaker 1: go to work. That was a massive theme that we

867
00:46:49,445 --> 00:46:51,445
Speaker 1: figured out when we'd met up with each other, and

868
00:46:51,485 --> 00:46:53,485
Speaker 1: that's why I learned that he'd made fake rosters and

869
00:46:53,525 --> 00:46:55,645
Speaker 1: sent them to me. Throughout the last few years of

870
00:46:55,645 --> 00:46:58,085
Speaker 1: our relationships, I'd never actually seen a real roster of

871
00:46:58,565 --> 00:47:00,405
Speaker 1: their work until I'd met Olivia.

872
00:47:00,485 --> 00:47:03,165
Speaker 5: Obviously, because we worked together, he couldn't lie to me

873
00:47:03,445 --> 00:47:06,325
Speaker 5: as much about his day to day life, so I

874
00:47:06,365 --> 00:47:10,045
Speaker 5: think I was probably lied to less. I knew more

875
00:47:10,045 --> 00:47:11,885
Speaker 5: about his day to day life. I knew more about

876
00:47:11,925 --> 00:47:14,765
Speaker 5: his work, I knew more about his friends. And I

877
00:47:14,805 --> 00:47:16,845
Speaker 5: had said to you, like, what did you think he

878
00:47:16,885 --> 00:47:19,845
Speaker 5: was doing on his birthday? Christmas, New Year?

879
00:47:20,205 --> 00:47:22,205
Speaker 1: All those times? I thought he was.

880
00:47:22,165 --> 00:47:24,805
Speaker 5: At Valentine's Day? Just little things, but it was easy

881
00:47:24,885 --> 00:47:27,565
Speaker 5: to use big dates for us to because obviously there

882
00:47:27,605 --> 00:47:29,885
Speaker 5: was a lot over the last two years, but it

883
00:47:29,965 --> 00:47:33,005
Speaker 5: was easier to use big dates. So for Christmas, that

884
00:47:33,085 --> 00:47:34,925
Speaker 5: was the first time you met my family. Actually he

885
00:47:34,965 --> 00:47:38,085
Speaker 5: went to Queensland for my family. So he had told

886
00:47:38,605 --> 00:47:40,925
Speaker 5: Emily that he was at work, and I said to her,

887
00:47:41,125 --> 00:47:43,605
Speaker 5: how much do you think he works? Like can you

888
00:47:43,685 --> 00:47:47,445
Speaker 5: send me what roster you think he has? And Emily

889
00:47:47,485 --> 00:47:49,845
Speaker 5: sent me a roster. I was like, no, that's not

890
00:47:49,965 --> 00:47:52,885
Speaker 5: our roster. And obviously, if you're not in a certain

891
00:47:52,925 --> 00:47:54,885
Speaker 5: profession that does shift work, you're not going to know

892
00:47:54,925 --> 00:47:56,445
Speaker 5: our roster pattern. You're not going to know.

893
00:47:57,125 --> 00:48:00,005
Speaker 1: And you trust and you believe your partner, right when

894
00:48:00,005 --> 00:48:02,285
Speaker 1: they're telling you they're going to work, you think they're

895
00:48:02,325 --> 00:48:05,245
Speaker 1: going to work. He told me over Christmas, when he

896
00:48:05,285 --> 00:48:08,245
Speaker 1: obviously was with Olivia, because I'm in health as well.

897
00:48:08,285 --> 00:48:10,325
Speaker 1: Work with the public holiday because I'll be working the

898
00:48:10,325 --> 00:48:12,725
Speaker 1: public holidays, work on New Years because I'll be working

899
00:48:12,845 --> 00:48:17,165
Speaker 1: New Year's. And I did work because I actually went

900
00:48:17,205 --> 00:48:19,845
Speaker 1: to work thinking my partner was at work. Because they

901
00:48:19,845 --> 00:48:21,725
Speaker 1: would message me and call me and pretend to me like,

902
00:48:21,845 --> 00:48:24,405
Speaker 1: I've just taken five minutes. How you're going, how's your day?

903
00:48:24,965 --> 00:48:26,605
Speaker 1: You know, it wasn't like I didn't believe him. And

904
00:48:26,645 --> 00:48:28,685
Speaker 1: I would get photos sent to me as well, so

905
00:48:28,925 --> 00:48:33,805
Speaker 1: there were pre made photos as well of him at work,

906
00:48:35,045 --> 00:48:38,205
Speaker 1: so that I would believe that he's at work. And

907
00:48:38,285 --> 00:48:41,205
Speaker 1: I've now found out all those times that it was

908
00:48:41,405 --> 00:48:42,445
Speaker 1: just a complete lie.

909
00:48:42,685 --> 00:48:45,165
Speaker 5: His birthday was in April, so that was only literally

910
00:48:45,205 --> 00:48:48,085
Speaker 5: a couple of weeks before everything happens. He had told

911
00:48:48,205 --> 00:48:51,005
Speaker 5: Emily that he was working on the day and we

912
00:48:51,085 --> 00:48:54,525
Speaker 5: had like a big brewery Barkraur with a bunch of

913
00:48:54,525 --> 00:48:56,885
Speaker 5: his friends from work, and obviously I went to that

914
00:48:57,325 --> 00:49:00,285
Speaker 5: and he told Emily that he was working. But then

915
00:49:00,365 --> 00:49:02,285
Speaker 5: I said, oh, like, what did you do for his

916
00:49:02,365 --> 00:49:06,565
Speaker 5: birthday from you. Emily had taken Josh out on a

917
00:49:06,605 --> 00:49:09,845
Speaker 5: picnic the next day and bought him like this, like

918
00:49:09,885 --> 00:49:14,045
Speaker 5: beautiful food and wine and things like that. And I

919
00:49:14,125 --> 00:49:16,645
Speaker 5: went over there a couple of days later and I said,

920
00:49:16,925 --> 00:49:19,445
Speaker 5: why do you have all this like gourmet food in

921
00:49:19,485 --> 00:49:22,245
Speaker 5: your fridge? And he'd said, oh, it's all from eld

922
00:49:22,525 --> 00:49:24,565
Speaker 5: you know, I just I just got it all, like,

923
00:49:24,645 --> 00:49:27,445
Speaker 5: you know, I'd like to snack on it. And Emily's

924
00:49:27,485 --> 00:49:29,325
Speaker 5: like that was from a gourmet.

925
00:49:29,005 --> 00:49:32,525
Speaker 1: Groser for his birthday, mind you, because I had to

926
00:49:32,565 --> 00:49:35,445
Speaker 1: take him out for his birthday the day after because

927
00:49:35,685 --> 00:49:38,245
Speaker 1: I thought he was working on his birthday. So when

928
00:49:38,285 --> 00:49:40,645
Speaker 1: we went to Europe, when i'd met up with Oliviage,

929
00:49:40,805 --> 00:49:42,885
Speaker 1: I asked her, so, what did you believe when he

930
00:49:42,925 --> 00:49:44,565
Speaker 1: was in Europe for six weeks last year that he

931
00:49:44,645 --> 00:49:47,125
Speaker 1: was with a friend, And she goes, yeah, you thought

932
00:49:47,125 --> 00:49:49,365
Speaker 1: he was with one of his mates that he was

933
00:49:49,405 --> 00:49:52,885
Speaker 1: traveling with overseas. What we'd figured out was that he

934
00:49:53,165 --> 00:49:55,445
Speaker 1: lied to me about who he was on the phone to.

935
00:49:56,165 --> 00:49:58,525
Speaker 1: So he would tell me that, oh, my mom's calling

936
00:49:58,565 --> 00:50:01,365
Speaker 1: me or my sister's calling me. I'll be five minutes,

937
00:50:01,405 --> 00:50:04,125
Speaker 1: I'll be ten minutes. I remember this morning distinctly when

938
00:50:04,165 --> 00:50:06,245
Speaker 1: Leamatha Coast and he goes for a well, He's like,

939
00:50:06,245 --> 00:50:07,925
Speaker 1: I'm just going to go for a morning walk. It

940
00:50:08,045 --> 00:50:10,325
Speaker 1: was early six in the morning, really early, and I'm like,

941
00:50:10,325 --> 00:50:12,285
Speaker 1: oh gosh, that's very early to get up when we're

942
00:50:12,325 --> 00:50:15,285
Speaker 1: on holiday. And it had been like two hours, and

943
00:50:15,325 --> 00:50:17,445
Speaker 1: I go, where are you? Like I was messaging him,

944
00:50:17,485 --> 00:50:19,885
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, so sorry. I got really caught

945
00:50:19,965 --> 00:50:21,605
Speaker 1: up on the phone with my mum. I promised I'll

946
00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:24,005
Speaker 1: be here soon. But it was all lies, all these

947
00:50:24,045 --> 00:50:26,205
Speaker 1: times that he was maybe left for like an hour

948
00:50:26,285 --> 00:50:28,965
Speaker 1: or half an hour, or he'd go to the bathroom

949
00:50:28,965 --> 00:50:31,885
Speaker 1: and pretend to be in the bathroom and gone for

950
00:50:31,965 --> 00:50:35,245
Speaker 1: half Now he'd be calling Olivia and expressing his love

951
00:50:35,285 --> 00:50:35,605
Speaker 1: for her.

952
00:50:36,045 --> 00:50:40,205
Speaker 5: We also realized that he was real gifting, so obviously

953
00:50:40,485 --> 00:50:43,325
Speaker 5: Emily's parents used to buy him a lot of groceries,

954
00:50:43,325 --> 00:50:45,045
Speaker 5: buy him a lot of staff, pay for a lot

955
00:50:45,045 --> 00:50:48,565
Speaker 5: of stuff. It was pretty much like the Tinder swindler situation,

956
00:50:48,805 --> 00:50:51,485
Speaker 5: where you were paying for him and then he was

957
00:50:51,525 --> 00:50:53,805
Speaker 5: paying for me. So he would come and say, you know,

958
00:50:53,845 --> 00:50:56,445
Speaker 5: I bought this beautiful bottle of wine, or I made

959
00:50:56,485 --> 00:50:59,285
Speaker 5: you this food, but it was always we realized it

960
00:50:59,325 --> 00:51:03,805
Speaker 5: was always from Emily's parents' house, and he would say,

961
00:51:03,845 --> 00:51:06,645
Speaker 5: you know, I've bought this beautiful bottle of wine for us,

962
00:51:06,725 --> 00:51:09,085
Speaker 5: but it was really something that like he'd made Emily

963
00:51:09,125 --> 00:51:12,005
Speaker 5: pay for. One of the worst things I think was

964
00:51:12,005 --> 00:51:15,405
Speaker 5: when we were going through what his house looked like,

965
00:51:15,805 --> 00:51:18,565
Speaker 5: I said, what about his phone background? What about our

966
00:51:18,605 --> 00:51:20,965
Speaker 5: pictures next to our bed? You know, what about all

967
00:51:20,965 --> 00:51:23,525
Speaker 5: my stuff that I left there? What about my bikinis

968
00:51:23,605 --> 00:51:26,325
Speaker 5: that I left in the shower. And he would go

969
00:51:26,445 --> 00:51:29,125
Speaker 5: around the house and put all of our stuff in

970
00:51:29,205 --> 00:51:32,885
Speaker 5: these plastic bags and then take the other person stuff

971
00:51:32,885 --> 00:51:36,525
Speaker 5: into the garage. When obviously the other girlfriend was over,

972
00:51:36,725 --> 00:51:39,205
Speaker 5: he would switch the photos next to his bed. He

973
00:51:39,245 --> 00:51:43,005
Speaker 5: would change his wallpaper on his phone, like obviously the

974
00:51:43,085 --> 00:51:46,685
Speaker 5: contact changes as well, the contact changes on the phone,

975
00:51:46,765 --> 00:51:47,405
Speaker 5: just to make sure.

976
00:51:48,005 --> 00:51:49,645
Speaker 1: When we were going through what.

977
00:51:49,645 --> 00:51:53,005
Speaker 5: Each other had left at his house, I said to Emily,

978
00:51:53,245 --> 00:51:57,525
Speaker 5: what color was your toothbrush? And she said mine was

979
00:51:57,565 --> 00:52:01,485
Speaker 5: the pink right, And I said, oh, no, so we

980
00:52:01,605 --> 00:52:03,885
Speaker 5: had we were using the same toothbrush.

981
00:52:04,005 --> 00:52:08,725
Speaker 1: Yep, yep. That is the most like disgusting.

982
00:52:08,845 --> 00:52:10,645
Speaker 4: But there was more.

983
00:52:11,325 --> 00:52:15,645
Speaker 1: He was vegetarian with Olivia and with me, complete meat eater.

984
00:52:16,045 --> 00:52:19,485
Speaker 1: He ate everything with me. This guy ate everything. When

985
00:52:19,525 --> 00:52:21,965
Speaker 1: I met Olivia and she explained to me that, oh,

986
00:52:22,005 --> 00:52:24,125
Speaker 1: he ate vegetarian with me. What do you mean he

987
00:52:24,205 --> 00:52:26,165
Speaker 1: ate vegetarian with you? This guy would if we went

988
00:52:26,205 --> 00:52:29,365
Speaker 1: to a restaurant, it was, oh, let's get the steak, babe,

989
00:52:29,365 --> 00:52:32,605
Speaker 1: Well let's get the chicken, or let's I go. This

990
00:52:32,685 --> 00:52:37,125
Speaker 1: guy is not vegetarian. This guy changed every part of

991
00:52:37,245 --> 00:52:41,685
Speaker 1: himself to please the other person in the relationship, so

992
00:52:41,805 --> 00:52:45,605
Speaker 1: to please Olivia, for example, and didn't eat meat, which

993
00:52:46,045 --> 00:52:48,005
Speaker 1: was just news to me that I think that is

994
00:52:48,085 --> 00:52:53,005
Speaker 1: the most probably insane part of this whole person. This

995
00:52:53,165 --> 00:52:57,125
Speaker 1: person is actually living and leading a double life, and

996
00:52:57,165 --> 00:52:58,685
Speaker 1: I had no idea.

997
00:52:59,245 --> 00:53:02,045
Speaker 5: So when he met me in July twenty twenty two,

998
00:53:02,525 --> 00:53:05,005
Speaker 5: as I said, he was quite attentive. Initially, he spent

999
00:53:05,085 --> 00:53:06,965
Speaker 5: a lot of time with me. He had a lot

1000
00:53:06,965 --> 00:53:08,805
Speaker 5: of time for me. We would go out on dates.

1001
00:53:09,605 --> 00:53:12,485
Speaker 5: And it turns out you were in the hospital having

1002
00:53:12,525 --> 00:53:15,605
Speaker 5: surgery during that time, and then you were in rehab

1003
00:53:15,725 --> 00:53:18,205
Speaker 5: for a number of weeks, So that's obviously how he

1004
00:53:18,245 --> 00:53:21,285
Speaker 5: had so much time initially, and then the other time,

1005
00:53:21,365 --> 00:53:23,885
Speaker 5: how I said, we were really good after breaking up

1006
00:53:23,965 --> 00:53:29,005
Speaker 5: September twenty twenty three to December twenty twenty three, we

1007
00:53:29,005 --> 00:53:31,125
Speaker 5: were together a lot, like how I said, it was

1008
00:53:31,165 --> 00:53:35,365
Speaker 5: a very perfect relationship during that time, and you were

1009
00:53:35,405 --> 00:53:38,965
Speaker 5: doing real placement in Victoria. Yeah, so obviously he had

1010
00:53:38,965 --> 00:53:41,045
Speaker 5: a lot of time for me then, And it made

1011
00:53:41,125 --> 00:53:44,445
Speaker 5: sense why there were so many ups and downs, because

1012
00:53:44,685 --> 00:53:47,525
Speaker 5: we kind of figured out that if one of us

1013
00:53:48,245 --> 00:53:51,045
Speaker 5: was having a really good time, the other person was

1014
00:53:51,165 --> 00:53:53,845
Speaker 5: not having a good time, because it's impossible to give

1015
00:53:53,845 --> 00:53:57,005
Speaker 5: someone one hundred percent of yourself, so he would just

1016
00:53:57,045 --> 00:53:59,965
Speaker 5: be giving more to somebody else and less to the other,

1017
00:54:00,165 --> 00:54:02,605
Speaker 5: and then it would kind of switch. And when you

1018
00:54:02,685 --> 00:54:06,405
Speaker 5: had these feelings of you know, he's not giving enough

1019
00:54:06,485 --> 00:54:10,205
Speaker 5: to me, or he's being different in high that it

1020
00:54:10,325 --> 00:54:12,965
Speaker 5: was completely accurate for us to be feeling that way.

1021
00:54:13,765 --> 00:54:16,685
Speaker 3: I know what you're thinking, though, dear listener, how in

1022
00:54:16,725 --> 00:54:20,165
Speaker 3: this day and age can someone really lead a double life,

1023
00:54:20,645 --> 00:54:21,805
Speaker 3: especially millennials.

1024
00:54:22,405 --> 00:54:25,485
Speaker 1: Social media so, like Olivia said, she didn't use it,

1025
00:54:25,605 --> 00:54:29,085
Speaker 1: so she was not active on it. But for me,

1026
00:54:29,245 --> 00:54:32,765
Speaker 1: so when I first had used so Instagram or whatever

1027
00:54:32,805 --> 00:54:35,285
Speaker 1: we were using the first years of our relationship, I

1028
00:54:35,325 --> 00:54:37,045
Speaker 1: was quite public and I used to post a lot

1029
00:54:37,085 --> 00:54:40,445
Speaker 1: more As the last two years came across, he really

1030
00:54:40,445 --> 00:54:43,085
Speaker 1: became we should be more private about what you post,

1031
00:54:43,245 --> 00:54:46,725
Speaker 1: maybe stop posting so much. He'd actually kind of made

1032
00:54:46,765 --> 00:54:49,005
Speaker 1: me believe I should really be a private person. So

1033
00:54:49,085 --> 00:54:53,485
Speaker 1: I stopped posting photos as often. I actually removed a

1034
00:54:53,485 --> 00:54:55,645
Speaker 1: lot of the people that followed me. I became really

1035
00:54:55,725 --> 00:54:59,565
Speaker 1: private in my life and in public, like we still

1036
00:54:59,605 --> 00:55:02,125
Speaker 1: were tagged in photos. There was still stuff on his Instagram,

1037
00:55:02,165 --> 00:55:04,885
Speaker 1: but he actually didn't upload for years, and that was

1038
00:55:05,005 --> 00:55:08,005
Speaker 1: just he said, I don't use it, I don't post,

1039
00:55:08,125 --> 00:55:09,045
Speaker 1: I don't need to do it.

1040
00:55:09,405 --> 00:55:11,445
Speaker 5: I didn't use social media. So that was another way

1041
00:55:11,485 --> 00:55:12,085
Speaker 5: that he got.

1042
00:55:11,965 --> 00:55:14,005
Speaker 1: Away with it. When you would delete yours, he would

1043
00:55:14,045 --> 00:55:15,845
Speaker 1: tell me I'm going to delete mine for a bit

1044
00:55:15,885 --> 00:55:18,205
Speaker 1: because I think I need a break because I feel

1045
00:55:18,245 --> 00:55:20,405
Speaker 1: like I use it too much. I'm like, whatever, that's

1046
00:55:20,405 --> 00:55:22,845
Speaker 1: what you want to do, that's fine. I didn't actually

1047
00:55:22,885 --> 00:55:25,805
Speaker 1: think he'd deleted it because his other partner doesn't use it.

1048
00:55:26,085 --> 00:55:29,085
Speaker 5: And I think initially your first thought is, am I stupid?

1049
00:55:29,165 --> 00:55:31,565
Speaker 5: Am I an idiot? Did I miss out on all

1050
00:55:31,645 --> 00:55:36,045
Speaker 5: of the signs? But when you think about how convoluted.

1051
00:55:36,165 --> 00:55:39,405
Speaker 5: This was to keep up this parade for two years.

1052
00:55:39,565 --> 00:55:42,685
Speaker 5: People like this are obviously very good at what they do,

1053
00:55:43,445 --> 00:55:46,565
Speaker 5: and I don't think he was obviously very good at lying.

1054
00:55:46,925 --> 00:55:49,245
Speaker 5: He always had a good answer, there was always a

1055
00:55:49,245 --> 00:55:53,085
Speaker 5: backstory to everything. He never slipped up, he never got

1056
00:55:53,165 --> 00:55:57,605
Speaker 5: us confused. There was never any any moments where he

1057
00:55:57,685 --> 00:56:01,605
Speaker 5: made a mistake. So obviously, speaking to you, I thought, oh, well,

1058
00:56:02,205 --> 00:56:06,205
Speaker 5: Emily doesn't sound stupid, so I'm not stupid. But I

1059
00:56:06,285 --> 00:56:08,965
Speaker 5: just think you got to remember that this isn't normal,

1060
00:56:09,525 --> 00:56:14,085
Speaker 5: normal behavior. That these people can lie and they're rid

1061
00:56:14,125 --> 00:56:17,205
Speaker 5: of empathy or guilt, and that means that you don't

1062
00:56:17,245 --> 00:56:19,925
Speaker 5: have the normal responses when you are lying. If I'm

1063
00:56:19,965 --> 00:56:22,765
Speaker 5: sitting here lying, I feel bad about it, so I

1064
00:56:22,805 --> 00:56:26,765
Speaker 5: have like an emotional or physical reaction, and you would think, oh,

1065
00:56:26,965 --> 00:56:30,005
Speaker 5: maybe she's lying because I'd be giving away signs or

1066
00:56:30,045 --> 00:56:32,565
Speaker 5: as he never had that because he didn't feel the

1067
00:56:32,605 --> 00:56:33,845
Speaker 5: emotions that we feel.

1068
00:56:34,805 --> 00:56:37,605
Speaker 3: I probably don't need to point out that both girls

1069
00:56:37,645 --> 00:56:41,445
Speaker 3: broke up with Josh immediately, but for Emily at least

1070
00:56:41,645 --> 00:56:44,525
Speaker 3: this had been her partner of seven years. She couldn't

1071
00:56:44,565 --> 00:56:46,485
Speaker 3: hear all of this from a girl she'd never even

1072
00:56:46,525 --> 00:56:49,725
Speaker 3: heard of before without trying to get some answers from

1073
00:56:49,725 --> 00:56:50,685
Speaker 3: the man she'd loved.

1074
00:56:51,325 --> 00:56:54,445
Speaker 1: My last conversations with him, it was hours long. We

1075
00:56:54,445 --> 00:56:57,405
Speaker 1: were on the phone, and I just wanted him to

1076
00:56:57,405 --> 00:57:00,685
Speaker 1: come cleaner by everything. So I basically just confronted him

1077
00:57:00,685 --> 00:57:02,605
Speaker 1: and said, Hey, what did you do on this weekend?

1078
00:57:03,085 --> 00:57:05,645
Speaker 1: What about when we went to South Australia? What did

1079
00:57:05,645 --> 00:57:07,725
Speaker 1: you do? What did you say? I said? He said

1080
00:57:07,725 --> 00:57:10,365
Speaker 1: it went with friends, So it was just continue lies

1081
00:57:10,405 --> 00:57:13,205
Speaker 1: and I just said my main thoughts. I was emotional

1082
00:57:13,245 --> 00:57:14,965
Speaker 1: on that phone call, and I remember being just like,

1083
00:57:15,045 --> 00:57:17,645
Speaker 1: how dare you? How dare you do this to me?

1084
00:57:17,805 --> 00:57:20,205
Speaker 1: How could you have lied to me? I don't care

1085
00:57:20,205 --> 00:57:22,565
Speaker 1: if it was one years, two years, whatever it was

1086
00:57:23,005 --> 00:57:26,005
Speaker 1: to have done what you've done to your partner, the

1087
00:57:26,005 --> 00:57:27,925
Speaker 1: person that you meant to love. And I remember saying

1088
00:57:27,925 --> 00:57:30,685
Speaker 1: to him and like, you can't love two people at once,

1089
00:57:30,805 --> 00:57:33,325
Speaker 1: You can't be in love with two people. This is

1090
00:57:33,365 --> 00:57:35,885
Speaker 1: why you never gave me one hundred percent, and this

1091
00:57:35,925 --> 00:57:38,365
Speaker 1: is why I had doubts. And I actually I really

1092
00:57:38,485 --> 00:57:41,805
Speaker 1: was quite firm with my wording with him, and I said,

1093
00:57:42,605 --> 00:57:45,485
Speaker 1: now every single thing makes sense because you have been

1094
00:57:45,645 --> 00:57:49,925
Speaker 1: in multiple relationships, and he still tried to deny the

1095
00:57:49,965 --> 00:57:54,405
Speaker 1: other girl Amy, but I said, what you've done you

1096
00:57:54,445 --> 00:57:57,925
Speaker 1: can't take back. I will never ever speak to you again.

1097
00:57:58,685 --> 00:58:01,325
Speaker 1: All I asked, I said, is that you never contact me.

1098
00:58:02,245 --> 00:58:04,125
Speaker 1: And I go, this will be the last time you

1099
00:58:04,165 --> 00:58:07,045
Speaker 1: ever hear my voice. I don't need to hear anything

1100
00:58:07,085 --> 00:58:10,525
Speaker 1: else from you, and I hung up. I blocked him

1101
00:58:10,565 --> 00:58:15,045
Speaker 1: from every form of social media, every contact, and I

1102
00:58:15,085 --> 00:58:19,405
Speaker 1: think that was the pivotal point of moving on, is

1103
00:58:19,685 --> 00:58:24,685
Speaker 1: having zero contact with that person. My feelings of disgust

1104
00:58:24,965 --> 00:58:28,125
Speaker 1: were so overaught with my emotion at the time that

1105
00:58:28,205 --> 00:58:30,405
Speaker 1: I couldn't even be sad about it. I was just

1106
00:58:30,525 --> 00:58:34,525
Speaker 1: so disgusted and betrayed that I just I didn't want

1107
00:58:34,565 --> 00:58:38,045
Speaker 1: to hear a sorry from him anymore. His sorry was

1108
00:58:38,085 --> 00:58:41,285
Speaker 1: pathetic to me. His sorry was almost like he didn't

1109
00:58:41,365 --> 00:58:43,965
Speaker 1: mean it. He's almost sounded like when I spoke to

1110
00:58:44,045 --> 00:58:48,605
Speaker 1: him that he was emotionless. He just felt like he'd

1111
00:58:48,765 --> 00:58:52,325
Speaker 1: been caught. And I just said, okay, well I'm done,

1112
00:58:52,405 --> 00:58:55,645
Speaker 1: and like I said, after everything was blocked, that was it.

1113
00:58:55,685 --> 00:58:57,325
Speaker 1: That was my last conversation with him.

1114
00:58:57,605 --> 00:58:59,005
Speaker 4: Of course, it wasn't easy.

1115
00:58:59,485 --> 00:59:03,965
Speaker 3: It was really hard and really really heartbreaking, but in

1116
00:59:04,085 --> 00:59:06,965
Speaker 3: being by herself and out of what was an incredibly

1117
00:59:07,045 --> 00:59:11,005
Speaker 3: toxic relationship, Emily's found a new version of herself, the

1118
00:59:11,045 --> 00:59:14,125
Speaker 3: real one that she actually likes so much more.

1119
00:59:15,965 --> 00:59:18,845
Speaker 1: I no longer have the lease insecurities and doubts about

1120
00:59:18,885 --> 00:59:22,245
Speaker 1: a person. I feel like I'm more secure with myself

1121
00:59:22,325 --> 00:59:25,885
Speaker 1: because I was with someone who, like I told you earlier,

1122
00:59:25,965 --> 00:59:28,565
Speaker 1: when I felt like I was never good enough, like

1123
00:59:28,645 --> 00:59:31,605
Speaker 1: I wasn't questioning enough. I would give another example of

1124
00:59:31,645 --> 00:59:33,925
Speaker 1: where he'd put a lot of pressure on my degree,

1125
00:59:33,965 --> 00:59:35,845
Speaker 1: like you need to make sure you pass, like I'm

1126
00:59:35,845 --> 00:59:37,845
Speaker 1: doing a medical degree. You need to make sure you

1127
00:59:37,885 --> 00:59:40,085
Speaker 1: pass your exams because we can't move on with our

1128
00:59:40,085 --> 00:59:42,765
Speaker 1: life unless you pass his exams in the next few months.

1129
00:59:42,805 --> 00:59:45,325
Speaker 1: Like I can't wait around for you, and you know

1130
00:59:45,325 --> 00:59:47,085
Speaker 1: you're not waiting around for me, Like this is this

1131
00:59:47,125 --> 00:59:49,205
Speaker 1: is my career, It's not just about you. And now

1132
00:59:49,245 --> 00:59:52,565
Speaker 1: I feel like, well, fuck you, I fucking passed my exams,

1133
00:59:52,605 --> 00:59:54,525
Speaker 1: and now I know when I'm going to finish and

1134
00:59:54,565 --> 00:59:57,005
Speaker 1: how much I'm going to excel my life without you.

1135
00:59:57,525 --> 01:00:00,325
Speaker 1: He always painted this picture that he was supporting me

1136
01:00:00,525 --> 01:00:03,805
Speaker 1: so much this journey, and he'd done everything for me

1137
01:00:03,885 --> 01:00:05,365
Speaker 1: to get to where I am now. I'm like, no,

1138
01:00:05,965 --> 01:00:08,605
Speaker 1: everything's for myself, and I didn't realize that until coming

1139
01:00:08,605 --> 01:00:11,365
Speaker 1: out of relationship, Like how hard I've worked, how much

1140
01:00:11,405 --> 01:00:14,485
Speaker 1: I've studied person I am today, I've just realized, like

1141
01:00:14,725 --> 01:00:17,485
Speaker 1: being my best version of myself, being on my own,

1142
01:00:17,805 --> 01:00:20,565
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm happier, Like I've learned so much

1143
01:00:20,645 --> 01:00:23,685
Speaker 1: from how I was treated, and staying with someone for

1144
01:00:23,725 --> 01:00:25,485
Speaker 1: the sake of saying with someone because you love them,

1145
01:00:25,485 --> 01:00:27,685
Speaker 1: it's just not It's not a real reason, and no

1146
01:00:27,805 --> 01:00:30,765
Speaker 1: relationship should have these highs and lows, Like I've literally

1147
01:00:30,965 --> 01:00:33,925
Speaker 1: come out of that and being like I can do

1148
01:00:34,005 --> 01:00:36,045
Speaker 1: so much better. I'm going to get someone at my

1149
01:00:36,205 --> 01:00:39,485
Speaker 1: level and I deserve the world because what I went

1150
01:00:39,525 --> 01:00:42,885
Speaker 1: through is so not normal. It's not fair. But I

1151
01:00:42,885 --> 01:00:45,365
Speaker 1: don't sit there and pity myself. I'm glad I've got

1152
01:00:45,365 --> 01:00:47,325
Speaker 1: it out of it, had that experience because I can

1153
01:00:47,365 --> 01:00:50,605
Speaker 1: only be a better version of myself and hopefully teach

1154
01:00:50,645 --> 01:00:52,565
Speaker 1: other people to look out for these things and not

1155
01:00:52,685 --> 01:00:55,485
Speaker 1: settle for less and put yourself first in your relationship,

1156
01:00:55,605 --> 01:00:58,885
Speaker 1: because that will be my next goal for my next relationship,

1157
01:00:58,885 --> 01:01:01,965
Speaker 1: that I am an equal to that person. That's why

1158
01:01:01,965 --> 01:01:04,085
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm my best version of myself now.

1159
01:01:05,125 --> 01:01:07,045
Speaker 3: On top of that, they've both come out of this

1160
01:01:07,205 --> 01:01:11,205
Speaker 3: awful situation with something they really never expected.

1161
01:01:11,845 --> 01:01:17,485
Speaker 1: I've also formed the most incredible relationship with Olivia. That

1162
01:01:17,805 --> 01:01:20,165
Speaker 1: is I think is the best thing to have ever

1163
01:01:20,205 --> 01:01:20,805
Speaker 1: come out of this.

1164
01:01:21,205 --> 01:01:24,605
Speaker 5: Obviously there's been a lot of lessons that have come

1165
01:01:24,645 --> 01:01:28,125
Speaker 5: out from it, but I think go one of the

1166
01:01:28,245 --> 01:01:30,765
Speaker 5: days where I wouldn't have believed you. I think when

1167
01:01:30,765 --> 01:01:34,885
Speaker 5: you're young, particularly maybe high school, there's always this tall

1168
01:01:34,965 --> 01:01:39,765
Speaker 5: poppy syndrome situation happening with females. I think you're taught

1169
01:01:39,805 --> 01:01:42,005
Speaker 5: that the other female is the one to blame or

1170
01:01:42,045 --> 01:01:45,525
Speaker 5: the other female is crazy. The way that he tried

1171
01:01:45,565 --> 01:01:47,805
Speaker 5: to make it out on that night, but there wasn't

1172
01:01:47,845 --> 01:01:50,245
Speaker 5: a second that I didn't believe her. And I just

1173
01:01:50,325 --> 01:01:54,245
Speaker 5: think we have just come so far as females that

1174
01:01:54,285 --> 01:01:57,525
Speaker 5: we are willing to be united and we're willing to

1175
01:01:57,565 --> 01:02:01,445
Speaker 5: be friends and some other female success doesn't mean that

1176
01:02:01,485 --> 01:02:04,165
Speaker 5: you're going to be less and I think that was

1177
01:02:04,245 --> 01:02:08,205
Speaker 5: definitely a way of the past, and I think we've

1178
01:02:08,245 --> 01:02:11,245
Speaker 5: just come so far, and we've just come out of

1179
01:02:11,245 --> 01:02:15,005
Speaker 5: this situation and we just want the best for each other.

1180
01:02:15,205 --> 01:02:17,925
Speaker 5: I just want her to do so well, and we

1181
01:02:17,965 --> 01:02:21,365
Speaker 5: can talk openly about the situation, and we can talk

1182
01:02:21,485 --> 01:02:24,325
Speaker 5: openly about our goals and just say one of us

1183
01:02:24,365 --> 01:02:27,645
Speaker 5: is having a bad day, because healing obviously is not linear.

1184
01:02:27,765 --> 01:02:31,365
Speaker 5: I think we're doing so well, but obviously some days

1185
01:02:31,365 --> 01:02:35,205
Speaker 5: there's still repercusions from going through a situation like that

1186
01:02:35,285 --> 01:02:38,205
Speaker 5: where you might just not be feeling your best self.

1187
01:02:38,245 --> 01:02:40,645
Speaker 5: But I know that I can message her, voice, note her,

1188
01:02:40,805 --> 01:02:45,085
Speaker 5: call her, and just have this platform where I'm not judged,

1189
01:02:45,245 --> 01:02:48,885
Speaker 5: and I always walk away from the conversation feeling so

1190
01:02:49,005 --> 01:02:50,845
Speaker 5: much better, and then we can just move on with

1191
01:02:50,885 --> 01:02:53,645
Speaker 5: our day, move on with our lives, and.

1192
01:02:53,845 --> 01:02:55,805
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I agree.

1193
01:02:58,765 --> 01:03:01,365
Speaker 5: It was really hard not to have a victim mentality.

1194
01:03:01,365 --> 01:03:03,605
Speaker 5: It was really hard not to sit there and think

1195
01:03:03,645 --> 01:03:05,845
Speaker 5: why did this happen to me? Why did I have

1196
01:03:05,925 --> 01:03:07,365
Speaker 5: to be the person that he chose?

1197
01:03:07,445 --> 01:03:07,885
Speaker 1: Why? Me?

1198
01:03:08,525 --> 01:03:10,965
Speaker 5: But there's good to come out of every single situation,

1199
01:03:11,285 --> 01:03:13,565
Speaker 5: So it's only going to be a waste if we

1200
01:03:13,605 --> 01:03:16,445
Speaker 5: don't learn those lessons. Obviously we have each other, but

1201
01:03:16,565 --> 01:03:20,205
Speaker 5: going into our next relationship will be so much better

1202
01:03:20,245 --> 01:03:22,525
Speaker 5: for it, and we'll have learned all the hard lessons,

1203
01:03:22,605 --> 01:03:26,005
Speaker 5: and I genuinely believe that we will stand there one

1204
01:03:26,125 --> 01:03:28,845
Speaker 5: day marrying the loves of our lives and we'll be

1205
01:03:28,885 --> 01:03:31,405
Speaker 5: so happy that everything happened the way that it did.

1206
01:03:31,765 --> 01:03:33,485
Speaker 5: I think it's just hard to see it at the time,

1207
01:03:33,565 --> 01:03:36,605
Speaker 5: but now in hindsight, I wouldn't change it. I know

1208
01:03:36,685 --> 01:03:39,685
Speaker 5: that it was a terrible situation and I wouldn't wish

1209
01:03:39,685 --> 01:03:42,525
Speaker 5: it upon anyone. But I'm sitting here now, I've got

1210
01:03:42,525 --> 01:03:44,765
Speaker 5: this opportunity to do a podcast. I have you as

1211
01:03:44,845 --> 01:03:48,525
Speaker 5: my friend, and yeah, I think there's only good things

1212
01:03:48,565 --> 01:03:50,005
Speaker 5: to come from now on.

1213
01:03:50,445 --> 01:03:52,405
Speaker 1: The one thing he did well was pick two girls

1214
01:03:52,405 --> 01:03:55,965
Speaker 1: that are very alike and very intelligent and very beautiful

1215
01:03:56,005 --> 01:03:59,165
Speaker 1: people inside and out. So you know, I feel very

1216
01:03:59,165 --> 01:04:02,845
Speaker 1: blessed to have her around me and to grow with

1217
01:04:02,885 --> 01:04:05,005
Speaker 1: her in the next part of my life and just

1218
01:04:05,005 --> 01:04:08,605
Speaker 1: be someone around me forever, because he really did pick

1219
01:04:08,605 --> 01:04:17,405
Speaker 1: well with who we are run the real love story.

1220
01:04:17,485 --> 01:04:20,245
Speaker 3: Everyone has an X is a Minti Media production and

1221
01:04:20,325 --> 01:04:23,325
Speaker 3: proudly you're part of the Muma mea network's written and

1222
01:04:23,405 --> 01:04:26,965
Speaker 3: narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1223
01:04:27,325 --> 01:04:29,405
Speaker 3: If you have a story you'd like to share email

1224
01:04:29,525 --> 01:04:33,325
Speaker 3: podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can support

1225
01:04:33,405 --> 01:04:35,805
Speaker 3: us by following the show in your favorite podcast app

1226
01:04:35,965 --> 01:04:38,565
Speaker 3: and leaving a five star review. We'll see you for

1227
01:04:38,605 --> 01:04:46,165
Speaker 3: the next episode.

1228
01:04:48,445 --> 01:04:49,685
Speaker 4: How good was that story?

1229
01:04:50,245 --> 01:04:53,125
Speaker 2: What a Dirty Dog is? Josh? If you want to

1230
01:04:53,125 --> 01:04:56,165
Speaker 2: listen to more episodes, if everyone has an X, there's

1231
01:04:56,205 --> 01:04:58,965
Speaker 2: a link in the show notes of this episode, and

1232
01:04:59,085 --> 01:05:02,765
Speaker 2: make sure you follow the show. I've been binging this show.

1233
01:05:03,405 --> 01:05:05,885
Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did.