Speaker 1: You're listening to I'm Ama Mia podcast.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome to Unleashed, the podcast for gen X
Speaker 2: women who need a laugh. If you remember Live.
Speaker 3: Aid, Huffball, Skirts, learning to drive without power steering, and
Speaker 3: you know categorically, baby should never.
Speaker 2: Be put in the corner. You're in the right place, right.
Speaker 2: Who we got on the coach today.
Speaker 4: I am Sally Hipworth, She's back.
Speaker 1: I am brunupv Andrea and I'm a film and TV producer.
Speaker 2: I'm Kat Mahony. I'm a comedian.
Speaker 5: Hi, I'm Grace Lamb Fashion Stylish up.
Speaker 3: All right, listeners, I want you to unclench a your
Speaker 3: clench a pelvic floor and get ready to unleash Sally.
Speaker 3: It's so nice to have you back, come back, come back,
Speaker 3: dominating that you were NATed States of America.
Speaker 2: Oh so good.
Speaker 6: You've got a voice for wrestling.
Speaker 5: Cat that you sound like that, and you've been America
Speaker 5: for too long.
Speaker 2: I think I think I have.
Speaker 6: But you know what I loved about it.
Speaker 4: The tour went really well and the book sold lots
Speaker 4: of copies, so tick tick tick. But I was listening
Speaker 4: to you guys while I was away, and I just
Speaker 4: loved hearing your wrestling voice, all of your stories, and
Speaker 4: it felt like a little piece of home.
Speaker 5: Well I want to know is how did you travel
Speaker 5: with your boyfriend? Really well, so your first trip together it.
Speaker 4: Was well, we've traveled together a little bit, but it
Speaker 4: was the first tour that we did together, and I
Speaker 4: wasn't sure. The thing about touring is that it's very
Speaker 4: intense and there's not a lot of time for fun.
Speaker 4: So it's work mode and it's very much You wake
Speaker 4: up in a hotel, you get up, you get on
Speaker 4: a plane, you fly somewhere, you get off the plane
Speaker 4: and go to the hotel, get dressed, do your event,
Speaker 4: you know, sign for hours, and then get home at midnight,
Speaker 4: do that all again for two weeks. So he did
Speaker 4: so well. He was a big help.
Speaker 6: We called him Bagman Dan, and he.
Speaker 4: Was so helpful to me, and he had no issue
Speaker 4: with it being it had to be kind of all
Speaker 4: about me, which you know, but it was lovely and
Speaker 4: I think our relationship survived good.
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it is lovely to have the gang back,
Speaker 3: or some of the gang. Okay, before we start, I
Speaker 3: have a bone to pick, Grace. Last week you claimed
Speaker 3: that you caught knits from public transports.
Speaker 5: Yes, I swear by it.
Speaker 2: What all right? This is Grace last week, ladies, I
Speaker 2: knew it.
Speaker 5: I knew it that day when we went on a
Speaker 5: tram and it was very crowded and we were so
Speaker 5: squashed with these people. I swear to god, it's from
Speaker 5: the I'm one hundred percent what a tram? Yes, bitches,
Speaker 5: it was a tram.
Speaker 3: Oh dear, well, listen, we've got so many begs to differ.
Speaker 3: We have a mess from one of our co hosts,
Speaker 3: doctor Ginny Mansburg, who was listening to last week's episode
Speaker 3: screaming in the car and having none of it.
Speaker 7: Oh my goodness, Grace, I love you, but you're full
Speaker 7: of shit. You cannot catch it from a tram. It's
Speaker 7: a transferred from one heir to another when the heads
Speaker 7: are touching. So my official doctor diagnosis, I reckon it
Speaker 7: was probably from your precious school age beautiful son THEO,
Speaker 7: not from strangers on public transport.
Speaker 6: Okay, love you, Grace is like no child of mine.
Speaker 5: I think doctor Jiniy needs to go back to medical school.
Speaker 1: My god, she's so right.
Speaker 5: Anyway, let's not get itchy again, please, Okay.
Speaker 3: In my hand, I have the talking stick the rules
Speaker 3: are you have the talking stick, you can talk about
Speaker 3: absolutely anything you want. We will probably interrupt and we
Speaker 3: will probably take the pists. So who would like the
Speaker 3: talking stick? I would like the talking Sally.
Speaker 2: Hepworth talking stick.
Speaker 4: I mean, thank you, Kathy Mcat. I have been waiting
Speaker 4: weeks for this stick because I want to talk about
Speaker 4: something confronting that has been happening to me. There's something
Speaker 4: that you guys probably have picked about me, and that
Speaker 4: is that I'm very advanced in a lot of ways.
Speaker 4: I was at the first of my friends to become
Speaker 4: middle age. When I was twenty, they deemed that I was,
Speaker 4: in fact forty and so now that I'm forty five,
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm going on eighty five. And a
Speaker 4: few things happened while I was away in America that
Speaker 4: helped kind.
Speaker 6: Of confirm this for me.
Speaker 4: The first one was around food and around the you
Speaker 4: know in America, some of you know very large portions.
Speaker 1: Very large portions, like everything is big.
Speaker 4: Everything comes with fries, it comes with salad, it comes
Speaker 4: with the never ending drink on the side, and you know,
Speaker 4: in the old days, more of a middle aged Sally.
Speaker 4: When I was in my twenty I might have just
Speaker 4: well eaten it all and drunk it all, or if
Speaker 4: I didn't want it, I might have just you know,
Speaker 4: left what I didn't want to eat. But the newly
Speaker 4: elderly Sally looks at the food that's.
Speaker 6: There and gets annoyed.
Speaker 1: Why did they give me all that?
Speaker 6: You know what is?
Speaker 5: This is so wasteful.
Speaker 4: I also doing some of those other telltale things, like
Speaker 4: I've got my favorite trolley at the supermart.
Speaker 2: I'm with you on the trolley.
Speaker 4: You've got the shallow trolley.
Speaker 2: I don't like to be.
Speaker 1: Are you vying for like a seniors card next? Are
Speaker 1: we close to that?
Speaker 4: I'd love to get the scene the.
Speaker 1: Youngest of our group. You know that, because you've reminded.
Speaker 6: Me like three times.
Speaker 4: But I'm prematurely elderly. I'm the oldest one of the
Speaker 4: group really at heart, And so I guess I'm just
Speaker 4: thinking about the things, the many things that have made
Speaker 4: me realize that I'm elderly, and I'm wondering if you
Speaker 4: guys have got any of these sorts.
Speaker 1: I've got loads, got loads, full loads, ye daily remind.
Speaker 2: I don't like to drive when it's dark.
Speaker 3: Oh, absolutely, as soon as it gets dark I'm like,
Speaker 3: that's just anxiety. If somebody wants to go for dinner
Speaker 3: and it's later than five point thirty, I veto it
Speaker 3: and say let's go for lunch.
Speaker 6: Well, there's apparently some science to that.
Speaker 4: I read about circadian rhythms of elderly people, and elderly
Speaker 4: people are quite protective of their sleep, as we know,
Speaker 4: and the circadian rhythms change for the elderly, and so
Speaker 4: they do eat too late they're up, then it can
Speaker 4: really destroy their sleep. So that might be you're on
Speaker 4: the right path.
Speaker 3: I like to pay extra to go Gold class, Yes,
Speaker 3: because I want to put my feet up because my
Speaker 3: back will hurt the cinema at the cinema, Yeah, plus
Speaker 3: anybody else making any noise shits made, Yes, So if
Speaker 3: you're in gold class, there's less people, so I'm very
Speaker 3: happy with that. I also will move a lot in
Speaker 3: a restaurant till I find a really quiet spot because
Speaker 3: noise really bothers me.
Speaker 2: Now order anyone else.
Speaker 5: So I whenever I call my mother, who's eighty four,
Speaker 5: eighty five, eighty six, something like that.
Speaker 2: When I call something like that, once.
Speaker 5: You past eighties, who's counting, right? So whenever I call her.
Speaker 5: She literally would just go do.
Speaker 4: This, why why?
Speaker 2: Why?
Speaker 5: Like one hundred times. Sometimes I have to take my
Speaker 5: phone away from me because I can't deal with that kind.
Speaker 4: Of noise, just the volume, or is shouting at you
Speaker 4: a particular thing.
Speaker 5: Just anything, Like anytime I call her, she's all she
Speaker 5: does this at least ten times. Will she even say
Speaker 5: first sentence even when she calls me. So I find
Speaker 5: myself doing that with my son. Oh yeah, I find
Speaker 5: myself do that and I'm like, no, don't do that.
Speaker 5: And also I find myself I have to ask my
Speaker 5: son for to explain what this acronymer. Yeah, Like, do
Speaker 5: you guys know what rf L means?
Speaker 2: I call it.
Speaker 6: Well laughing?
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 5: Roll on the floor laughing? Oh, b au, do you
Speaker 5: know what that is?
Speaker 6: Business as usual?
Speaker 5: No shit, No, keep guessing?
Speaker 1: S y what s y?
Speaker 5: B au? Oh, shut your bitch ass up. So we're
Speaker 5: very behind, by the way.
Speaker 1: Here's the problem with getting older. You never felt better emotionally,
Speaker 1: you know, because you're like, you know more, but then
Speaker 1: your body doesn't agree. Here's the thing that happened to
Speaker 1: me that nobody told me about. Floaters in the eyes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: floaters like It's a really real thing. As you get
Speaker 1: older degrade. Everyone's eyesight gets worse as they get older.
Speaker 1: Floaters like like, you looked like there's a bug in
Speaker 1: front and you're swatting it with your hand. And I
Speaker 1: went to the eye do older. He's like, yeah, you've got floaters.
Speaker 1: They can't really take the mask.
Speaker 6: I never heard of that.
Speaker 1: Brain very disconcerted.
Speaker 2: That would be.
Speaker 6: Is definitely across the board.
Speaker 4: Will will get worse for people. And I remember my
Speaker 4: mum was particularly bad at going to the optometry. She
Speaker 4: couldn't see, but instead of doing that, she would go
Speaker 4: to the chemist and just buy increasingly strong magnifying glasses.
Speaker 4: And they were everywhere. They were in the car, they
Speaker 4: were in you know, the pockets of her dressing gowns.
Speaker 4: They were all over the house. And that was something
Speaker 4: we always gave her so much shit about. And now
Speaker 4: same at my house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got multiple glasses stashed for like every week
Speaker 3: going to beds at my desk.
Speaker 4: And sometimes I will put my sonnies over the top
Speaker 4: of my glass.
Speaker 6: I'll double up. That's a signer.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I think where I have ended up with all of
Speaker 4: this very prematurely aging thing is that the youth is
Speaker 4: so overrated. It is so mu much better being middle aged, elderly.
Speaker 4: And actually people have been lying to kids all the time,
Speaker 4: and they lied to us because this is the best
Speaker 4: part of our lives, all of our glasses on. Who
Speaker 4: wants the stick?
Speaker 3: I'd like it, Sally Hepworth. Thank you very much, thank
Speaker 3: you very much. Okay, look, I need a bit of
Speaker 3: therapy around this. A couple of weeks ago, my son
Speaker 3: Mother's Day, as we're in the car, this is where
Speaker 3: he does all of his big discussions, shares with me
Speaker 3: that he has not lost his ear pods, he's had
Speaker 3: them stolen.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm still a bit of.
Speaker 5: You're talking about air pods?
Speaker 2: Yes, sorry, what did I call it?
Speaker 1: A pods?
Speaker 4: Speaking of old age?
Speaker 1: You know the walk pieces AirPods.
Speaker 2: I'm terrible and I am my mother.
Speaker 3: Anyway, I then realized that they were originally my ear pods,
Speaker 3: air pods that I've given to him. And when you
Speaker 3: buy air pods, you can connect them to your iPhone
Speaker 3: and then there's like a tracking device. It's like magnum
Speaker 3: p I for you know, lost Apple.
Speaker 1: Goods, brilliant. I've used it many times so it's.
Speaker 2: Really good when you when you want to find something. Anyway,
Speaker 2: so I.
Speaker 3: Realized that I could look on the app and see
Speaker 3: where they were. And it's so freaky because all of
Speaker 3: a sudden they're moving and this little pesky person is
Speaker 3: going up and down the Anzac Parade and going to
Speaker 3: Couldji and then to Marubra and then they went to
Speaker 3: Botany and watching them very active, I feel like they
Speaker 3: were on a bus.
Speaker 2: It felt like a bus.
Speaker 5: But yes, enjoying listening to us.
Speaker 3: I just wanted there to be a button where I
Speaker 3: could sort of like cut through whatever audio it was,
Speaker 3: to be like, I am following you.
Speaker 1: Listening to this podcast.
Speaker 3: That's what if I was in Apple The just idea
Speaker 3: for the next lot of AirPods put that in so
Speaker 3: when they do get lost, you can like override. I
Speaker 3: could keep playing Clapton.
Speaker 2: That's great. Anyway, I was so angry the middle of
Speaker 2: the week.
Speaker 3: I've now told everybody that will listen in my life
Speaker 3: and keep sending screenshots to people of where that my
Speaker 3: girlfriend is, like right, come and see me, because they're
Speaker 3: really close to her.
Speaker 2: She lives in Sydney. Let's do this. So three days
Speaker 2: in we.
Speaker 3: Get in the car like we are Cagney and Lacy
Speaker 3: and we pull up where the AirPods are stopped, but
Speaker 3: it's a unit block, so we're scuppered. The plan is scuppered.
Speaker 3: She was ready, like a current affair style to bad to.
Speaker 1: Say, Keith, did you call a counterfear?
Speaker 2: She was on that.
Speaker 3: She was ready to film the person to be I
Speaker 3: know I can prove.
Speaker 2: That they are mine, because look at my phone.
Speaker 4: I want to understand, like, what was your plan, Like,
Speaker 4: so you've got your friend drive down there? Were you
Speaker 4: going to march on in and say I think there's
Speaker 4: some sort of misunderstands.
Speaker 3: I was going to use the word misunderstanding as opposed
Speaker 3: to stolen. Yes, I was going to say, I think
Speaker 3: maybe you've picked up the wrong pair by accident. And
Speaker 3: we were ready to go, and so like my adrenaline
Speaker 3: level like was through. I mean, I know what it
Speaker 3: must be like to be an astronaut to go into space.
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 5: Because it's exactly the same, exactly, that's a little bit different, exactly.
Speaker 3: The same anyway, And it was a real come down
Speaker 3: that that I just but I can't stop.
Speaker 2: The point is I cannot stop looking at.
Speaker 1: Where they are you can see where they are.
Speaker 2: I can still see where they.
Speaker 3: Are, no, because a move, they're on the move.
Speaker 2: When they're in a unit. There were like eighteen apartments.
Speaker 2: I checked, Grace. Can't you go? You need to follow
Speaker 2: the door by door. And I didn't want to stake
Speaker 2: them like I was a cop.
Speaker 1: If there was a phone, you could make a really
Speaker 1: loud noise and you, yeah, you can't.
Speaker 2: And I want to do in a public space.
Speaker 4: And you go there and you were costs and your
Speaker 4: son's quite big, isn't he take care?
Speaker 1: Tackle them down?
Speaker 2: Come on.
Speaker 5: Very I don't know that it's a thug.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, are they still online? And if so,
Speaker 4: can you look where they are now? And I'm available
Speaker 4: after we finish here stop, I would like to volunteer.
Speaker 6: And I'm volunteering Grace as well.
Speaker 5: They're still don't steal from me. Who steal from me,
Speaker 5: they will have to pay.
Speaker 6: That's how I roll.
Speaker 5: When Jason first s art dating, he was living in Sydney.
Speaker 5: I was in Hong Kong. We were going out somewhere
Speaker 5: and we went home and then we shut the taxi
Speaker 5: door and he goes, oh my god, my phone like
Speaker 5: this right, I was in five inch heels. I started
Speaker 5: running like for at gun while he was watching me laughing,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, no, that phone's going to come back
Speaker 5: and we can see it going travel around Hong Kong,
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh my god, Like whoever still
Speaker 5: from me? I always Chase always you needed Grace.
Speaker 4: If she's.
Speaker 1: No, you can't do them anymore. Like if you've been
Speaker 1: in the States and even in the UK, it's dangerous.
Speaker 5: You gotta just let them take it. Nothing's worth it, yes, because.
Speaker 1: Someone will literally kill you. Cannot you can't do road rage.
Speaker 1: You cannot you confront anyone.
Speaker 4: No, no, no, take Grace and me. We're going to
Speaker 4: the apartment block when we're done.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're doing that after the show.
Speaker 1: You know what, guys, I'm gonna gift you a pair
Speaker 1: of AirPods just so you do not pull yourself in
Speaker 1: arms away. Have my friends putting themselves in arms away?
Speaker 5: So what is this about? Is it about injustice?
Speaker 2: Look? I think it is Grace.
Speaker 3: I think it's the fact that I'm a solo mum
Speaker 3: and these things are not cheap and I can't just
Speaker 3: replace stuff, and you know they were expensive. I think
Speaker 3: it's a bit of perimenopause rage too, if I'm honest.
Speaker 3: But yeah, and I think it's I think it's because
Speaker 3: I can see them. You know, we've all lost stuff
Speaker 3: over the years, but I can see these little critters
Speaker 3: moving around in my case, and I pistolf.
Speaker 4: It's like one little thing in this uncontrollable world that
Speaker 4: you can control. Yes, and put your laser focus of
Speaker 4: your rage onto.
Speaker 2: Yes, But I'm also with Bruna.
Speaker 3: I don't want to end up with a black eye,
Speaker 3: or if the kid has picked them up by accident,
Speaker 3: that the kids then in trouble with the parents.
Speaker 2: So I do have a little bit of kind of
Speaker 2: that going on.
Speaker 4: To Kath You are really all over the place with this.
Speaker 4: I think it's destroying your sanity, and I'm going to
Speaker 4: take it out of your hands. What you need to
Speaker 4: do is you're going to unpair your phone from this device.
Speaker 4: We're going to give them with love to their new
Speaker 4: owner in the apartment block, and we are going to
Speaker 4: take a deep breath and we're going to let it go. Yes,
Speaker 4: while we're cursing this person, we will also put their
Speaker 4: name in the fridge.
Speaker 2: Do it all right, press and remove do it? Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you can see.
Speaker 5: This move press move good okay girl now deep breath done?
Speaker 1: Do you feel good?
Speaker 4: And let's all as a team.
Speaker 6: Let it go?
Speaker 2: Let me need grace, Let go all right?
Speaker 6: How do you feel?
Speaker 2: I feel lighter? Do you real I do? Thanks good?
Speaker 2: It's been eating me up.
Speaker 5: Kathma, honey, you are free. Now let them have it.
Speaker 5: Karma will get them.
Speaker 8: Yes, yes, let them robins, let them.
Speaker 2: Who needs a talking stick? Now? Oh, grace, lamb, thank you.
Speaker 2: Here we go.
Speaker 5: So, ladies, everyone's talking about Devil West Parlor too. And
Speaker 5: Merrol Strip came up on my algorithm. And what I
Speaker 5: didn't know was when she first got approached to do
Speaker 5: the first one, she reject it because she wanted to
Speaker 5: negotiate better. But because she said no, then they came
Speaker 5: back to her and double her salary, and I thought, wow,
Speaker 5: she was fifty six at that point, and even she
Speaker 5: said she didn't know she could do that. I mean,
Speaker 5: let's go.
Speaker 2: And hear Eryl.
Speaker 5: I know, right, let's go and hear what Mary had
Speaker 5: to say.
Speaker 1: They called me up and they made an offer and
Speaker 1: I said, no, I'm not going to do it.
Speaker 2: I wanted to see. I knew it was going to
Speaker 2: be a hit.
Speaker 1: And I wanted to see if I doubled my ask.
Speaker 2: Wow, And they went right away and said sure.
Speaker 1: And I thought, I'm fifty sixty. It took me this
Speaker 1: long to understand that I could do that.
Speaker 2: But you can ask for what you want.
Speaker 5: Yes, I mean that's Meryl Streep.
Speaker 2: Come on.
Speaker 5: I was actually quite shocked. I mean, ladies, if Meryl
Speaker 5: Streep can only work this out at fifty six, what
Speaker 5: chance do we hear?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 5: What is something that you wanted afraid to ask?
Speaker 6: Okays, Oh, I'm terrible.
Speaker 3: I'm definitely really terrible. I think I was a publicist
Speaker 3: for twenty years. I could ask for other things for people,
Speaker 3: but when it came to doing it for me, terrible.
Speaker 3: And I think as I've got older.
Speaker 2: It's got worse. I was more ballsy.
Speaker 3: Before I was a mum. I remember going for a
Speaker 3: job at Channel nine and speaking to like somebody who
Speaker 3: worked there who was a guy, and he was like,
Speaker 3: as for this, like I was, you know, being into
Speaker 3: view by Eddie Maguire kind of that's when it.
Speaker 2: Was, And I was like, no way, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: and I just weighed.
Speaker 3: In like a baller and I got this amazing pay
Speaker 3: packet and a parking space.
Speaker 2: And now I just would never have the balls to
Speaker 2: do that. Are you really sad? I don't know.
Speaker 3: I think it's a freelancing too, isn't it. You'd never
Speaker 3: quite know when the next thing's coming, so it's like
Speaker 3: I'll just grab it, I'll take it.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Bruno, Yeah, I mean, I'm pretty I've
Speaker 1: been on both sides of this, obviously, because I also
Speaker 1: employed a lot of actors and actresses and I've seen,
Speaker 1: you know, the kind of double standard for years, and
Speaker 1: you know, so men have traditionally male actors of traditionally
Speaker 1: movie star has been paid more. There's a couple of
Speaker 1: times that has happened where male co stars have spoken
Speaker 1: up for their female coastars. Very famously Chadwick the Lake,
Speaker 1: Chadwick Boseman spoken up used part of his salary for
Speaker 1: his coas star Sienna Miller so that she earned the
Speaker 1: same amount. In the film twenty one Bridges, and I
Speaker 1: think also Mark Wahlberg when they were doing reshoots for
Speaker 1: this movie, all the money in the world wanted to make,
Speaker 1: they didn't want to pay Michelle Williams as much to
Speaker 1: do the reshoots, and it was a big moment I
Speaker 1: remember in Hollywood because he was kind of standing up
Speaker 1: and saying, no, she's a star as well, she should
Speaker 1: be paid the same. And I do think women, you know,
Speaker 1: we all need coaching. It's actually something e mcgreed talks
Speaker 1: about a lot, right She's kind of an amazing she's
Speaker 1: the person talking about women in business right now. And
Speaker 1: what I love about her style is she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: ask for what you need and ask for what you want.
Speaker 1: So I'm very much in that mindset.
Speaker 4: I actually think this goes beyond work. And here's an
Speaker 4: example from my own life. My biggest fear I think
Speaker 4: in life is inconveniencing other people. Thank you Mum and
Speaker 4: all the Catholic guilt that has laid that on me.
Speaker 4: And so I will actually, you know, someone will come
Speaker 4: to my house to do this. Happened yesterday. I had
Speaker 4: an ear tasker come over to put a new door
Speaker 4: but like an auto lock thing that's got the fingerprint
Speaker 4: to let you in the house. I'm so excited about it.
Speaker 4: And as he did it, he ended up getting saw
Speaker 4: dust all over the floor and he did offer to
Speaker 4: clean it up, and I just said, oh no, that,
Speaker 4: don't worry about it, I'll do it, And it was
Speaker 4: a real pain in the ass. And afterwards Dan was like,
Speaker 4: why didn't you get him to do it? That's a
Speaker 4: really small thing. But that's just a classic kind of
Speaker 4: I will to make any awkwardness go away. I will
Speaker 4: absorb the unpleasantness in my life.
Speaker 5: I mean, I spoke to quite a lot of people
Speaker 5: about this, and what I find very interesting is a
Speaker 5: lot of women, a lot of even young girls, find
Speaker 5: it quite hard to negotiate for themselves. And because I'm
Speaker 5: not Australian originally, right, what I find interesting working in
Speaker 5: Australia is that you guys don't negotiate.
Speaker 6: It's weird.
Speaker 5: Like let's say someone ask me to do a social
Speaker 5: media collaboration, I'll give my prize. Go oh my god,
Speaker 5: you're too expensive, always too expensive, And I'm like, well,
Speaker 5: what's your baseline? Oh no, no, no, don't worry about it.
Speaker 5: I'm like, I meet in Hong Kong or even in London,
Speaker 5: is a discussion? Is it open discussion? So sometimes I
Speaker 5: kind of feel you have to stand your ground when
Speaker 5: you asked for something. Yeah, I agree, So don't be afraid, ladies,
Speaker 5: That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 4: I do think it helps if you have got a
Speaker 4: backing of yourself and yourself in that particular area, if
Speaker 4: you think, yeah, I'm worth this. And obviously Merrill was
Speaker 4: stepping in going you know, I know this is a
Speaker 4: big budget. I know you've got the money, and I
Speaker 4: know that you're going to give it to me because
Speaker 4: I'm going to bring that value. I think that's when
Speaker 4: you can really it stops being like a wing and
Speaker 4: a prayer and it starts being this is a solid
Speaker 4: offer for both of us, and I think that's when
Speaker 4: you can really do your best pitch.
Speaker 5: Yeah, let's channel Marra every time I negotiate. Yeap, Let's
Speaker 5: go maraw Gomez.
Speaker 1: So while we're talking about work, there is something I
Speaker 1: want to talk about cause I have the talking sticks.
Speaker 4: You can.
Speaker 1: So you guys know, I travel a lot for work.
Speaker 1: I live here as of a few years ago, but
Speaker 1: my main business is still in Hollywood, so I go
Speaker 1: back and forth a lot. I have never once regretted
Speaker 1: a trip, and my works really important to me. I'm
Speaker 1: ambitious and I love it. But last week I got
Speaker 1: on a plane. I knew I shouldn't get on. Everything
Speaker 1: in me said this is not the time to leave.
Speaker 1: I just really knew that my daughter, you know, my
Speaker 1: kids have just started seventh grade, she started a new school.
Speaker 1: I had just been away, and there's been a lot
Speaker 1: going on, just you know a lot of stuff kind
Speaker 1: of you know, tough stuff around the family. And I
Speaker 1: am not kidding. I was at the airport in the lounge,
Speaker 1: still thinking about I should just go home. Really, I
Speaker 1: can easily put this strip off. But I get on
Speaker 1: the plane and then I just burst into tears. So
Speaker 1: then I'm just crying basically all the way to New
Speaker 1: York to LA.
Speaker 6: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: And then I make it to LA. I burst into tears, and.
Speaker 4: Was something going on at home? Like during this time
Speaker 4: when you're feeling so emotional, what was happening was were
Speaker 4: you in touch at home or you just spidy senses
Speaker 4: were telling you something?
Speaker 3: Long?
Speaker 1: Yeah, So my daughter that day had called and said
Speaker 1: like she was just in tears and she just needed
Speaker 1: an emotional day. What I never asked for. Yeah, So
Speaker 1: she took the day. So then I went to sleep
Speaker 1: and had the only good night's sleep I've had so far.
Speaker 1: So i wake up and I'm ready for an entire
Speaker 1: week of meetings, and I'm sitting at breakfast in my
Speaker 1: first meeting, and my husband calls and he goes, you know,
Speaker 1: she's just not doing well. She's really missed, she's really struggling.
Speaker 1: Thirteen is very hard age. And I just said, like
Speaker 1: I put her on the fight, I got her on
Speaker 1: the FaceTime. I'm gonna want to cry talking about her.
Speaker 1: And I said, I'm going to come home. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get on a plane tonight, literally so emotional. And I said,
Speaker 1: Mommy's getting on a plane tonight. And she was so like,
Speaker 1: what really killed me. It was how surprised she was
Speaker 1: that I said that, And she was like, would you
Speaker 1: do that for me? And I was like, you are
Speaker 1: the most important thing in the world, Like I can
Speaker 1: come back and do this anytime. And so I was
Speaker 1: actually in the middle of a meeting. I said to
Speaker 1: my meeting, I'm so sorry. I'm just gonna get on
Speaker 1: the phone and change my flight. And I did. I
Speaker 1: went home and it was amazing, and it was also
Speaker 1: it was really the biggest lesson for me was I
Speaker 1: knew that I shouldn't have gone on that trip, and
Speaker 1: I didn't listen to my instincts. And I'm sure that
Speaker 1: is true for so many people about so many things.
Speaker 1: Women's instincts are so strong, so strong, san I knew.
Speaker 1: And here's when I really knew. My husband, who's always
Speaker 1: like I got this and really has so much of
Speaker 1: it all the time, he said, I think you need
Speaker 1: to come home, and he's never in the thousands of
Speaker 1: trips I've taken, he's never said that. And I just
Speaker 1: said to my daughter, listen, next time I travel will
Speaker 1: be together. Wait till you're on school holidays and we'll
Speaker 1: go together. So it was a great lesson for me,
Speaker 1: but also very emotional week.
Speaker 5: It's amazing that she thought, would you do that for me?
Speaker 5: I mean, of course you would do that for her, right.
Speaker 5: It's so sweet but also quite surprising when they think
Speaker 5: that you put your job first before them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, well I think sometimes I have, truthfully,
Speaker 1: because that's the real thing, because I think now I
Speaker 1: would never have. Obviously they really needed me, and I
Speaker 1: definitely felt because kids can miss you and it's always hard,
Speaker 1: like remember when we used to, you know, you drop
Speaker 1: your kids and then cry and then five seconds later
Speaker 1: they'd be okay. So I think that that's the other
Speaker 1: key is like I just knew that you know, she
Speaker 1: really needed me in that moment, and also I needed them.
Speaker 1: I was like, what am I doing here?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Have you had that thought before? Has that you before?
Speaker 1: I mean when they were little, I would feel some guilt,
Speaker 1: but never, it's never. I mean of all the trips
Speaker 1: I've taken in all the years that I've traveled, it was.
Speaker 2: Like a full body feeling.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a full body feeling of like, you know.
Speaker 4: I wonder, Bruna, like, how do you know I've never
Speaker 4: been good with instincts, like And it's actually one of
Speaker 4: the things that I feel kind of ashamed of as
Speaker 4: a mother, because you know, people think that mothers have
Speaker 4: got these strong instincts, and I don't know that I
Speaker 4: necessarily do. And I think that that my if I
Speaker 4: was to listen to my guard I would never travel
Speaker 4: because it always like I don't know the difference between
Speaker 4: guilt and instincts. And also as having a flexible job,
Speaker 4: as you do and as we all do, I think
Speaker 4: the real challenge of it is that because we can
Speaker 4: say yes or no, yes I'll go or no, I
Speaker 4: won't go, it feels different to if we.
Speaker 5: It was just our job to go, and you know,
Speaker 5: we have.
Speaker 6: To go to work.
Speaker 1: We all work for ourselves, every single one of us.
Speaker 2: We do.
Speaker 4: And while you know it is there are so many
Speaker 4: privileges of that, and there are so many benefits, and
Speaker 4: that does allow for flexibility. The truth is that you
Speaker 4: don't have the option to say I won't go every time,
Speaker 4: which is why she probably felt like, oh, you would
Speaker 4: do that, because it's not something that can happen every time.
Speaker 4: Some work trips are non negotiable.
Speaker 5: So what is going on? Because this is very unlike you.
Speaker 5: I mean, we're all ambitious women, So what's going on?
Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's so complicated, right, because I've
Speaker 1: spent my life also saying to my daughter when she says,
Speaker 1: why do you have to go away? I never say, oh,
Speaker 1: I have to earn a living, I said, because mummy
Speaker 1: loves it. She had a job she loved before you,
Speaker 1: and I do love it. I love being in person,
Speaker 1: I love being on film sets like I love my job.
Speaker 1: I mean it must be the same for you, sal right,
Speaker 1: you get to meet your readers and be these amazing events.
Speaker 1: How do you feel when you travel?
Speaker 6: I love it.
Speaker 4: I do love it, and it is something that was
Speaker 4: also a non negotiable of the job. And you know,
Speaker 4: people talk about flexible lives as it's a real pro
Speaker 4: but actually you do have to as when you are
Speaker 4: an ambitious, successful person, there are things that come with that,
Speaker 4: and part of that is travel, and part of that is.
Speaker 6: A lot of work.
Speaker 4: And you can't turn off the guilt from that, particularly
Speaker 4: if you're enjoying it. And there are really good things
Speaker 4: about it too, But I still don't know what the
Speaker 4: answer is. I think sometimes you're going to mess it
Speaker 4: up and go at the wrong time, like you just experienced,
Speaker 4: and other times you know you'll go and it'll be
Speaker 4: you know, is it worth, you know, leaving your kids behind.
Speaker 4: I mean, the thing is, I think it's unique for
Speaker 4: women to be going through this because when men go
Speaker 4: to work. My dad traveled a lot when I was
Speaker 4: a child. He'd go off for six weeks at a
Speaker 4: time sometimes and we didn't miss a beat because Mum
Speaker 4: was getting on with things. But he never came home
Speaker 4: and said, oh, I'm so sorry that I had to
Speaker 4: be at work.
Speaker 6: He wasn't guilty.
Speaker 4: We all understood that he was doing the work, and
Speaker 4: my kids do understand that to some extent.
Speaker 1: But I have the opposite situation, whereas my husband's always
Speaker 1: been the one who, even though we run a business together,
Speaker 1: he could never leave them for the amount of time
Speaker 1: I do, so where our roles are switched really completely.
Speaker 1: So what happens is sometimes kids need you at different
Speaker 1: points in their lives differently, but I would argue for you.
Speaker 1: And this is where ambition and success I think is
Speaker 1: really important. Sally is now and has been many times,
Speaker 1: but your book is a massive New York Times bestseller
Speaker 1: right now. If you don't do those tours, that doesn't happen.
Speaker 1: That's how you build your audience in America, right There's
Speaker 1: no way.
Speaker 4: And I'm a single mum and I am solely financially
Speaker 4: responsible for my children. And that's another sort of different
Speaker 4: position again in that I want to be there for
Speaker 4: them and be the mum and you know, care for them,
Speaker 4: and I do do all of those things, but equally
Speaker 4: I am one hundred percent responsible for their financial being.
Speaker 4: And if I don't go over there to New York
Speaker 4: and to America and do the tours, they can't have
Speaker 4: the life that they have. And so you're constantly measuring
Speaker 4: up and you're bound to stuff it up. Sometimes sometimes
Speaker 4: you go on the wrong troop. Sometimes you go, you
Speaker 4: know you should have gone on the troop, and you
Speaker 4: know we're only human. But I bet you made a
Speaker 4: really special memory.
Speaker 6: For your daughter by coming back home.
Speaker 1: That's the importance, the less special one for my credit count.
Speaker 3: Oh Brune. A bit of a gear change here, but
Speaker 3: thank you. It's good to hear about your problems and
Speaker 3: that they're resolved. Yeah, now it's time.
Speaker 2: For other people's problems, right.
Speaker 3: This is a part of the show where you send
Speaker 3: us your dilemmas, your questions, your domestic emergencies, your moral
Speaker 3: gray areas. Today's problems comes from Unleasha Janet real name
Speaker 3: Brave Woman.
Speaker 1: Hi, ladies.
Speaker 9: I work full time from home, which is great, or
Speaker 9: at least it was great until my husband recently retired.
Speaker 9: Now he's around all day every day. He lurks over
Speaker 9: my shoulder. He wants to know when I'm having lunch.
Speaker 9: He wants us to eat lunch together. He breathes loudly
Speaker 9: near me. And I know this sounds awful, but I've
Speaker 9: had it. I need space, I need quiet, I need
Speaker 9: to work.
Speaker 1: I need him to fuck off.
Speaker 9: So my dilemma is do I tell him very lovingly
Speaker 9: to get a hobby and get out of my hair
Speaker 9: and get a life. Or do I lease my own
Speaker 9: office space.
Speaker 2: To escape hell?
Speaker 5: Brilliant Janet, right, what do we think she needs to
Speaker 5: drop him off? I think it's just gonna even country.
Speaker 5: I think it's normal or something that white can drop
Speaker 5: the husband off like a playdate with a group of
Speaker 5: men and just stay there for a few that's what
Speaker 5: she needs.
Speaker 2: She sat up.
Speaker 4: Himself there like, this is not Janet's problem, No, he
Speaker 4: needs to I've been in this situation myself a few
Speaker 4: years back, when I had little kids and my ex
Speaker 4: husband started being at home and when he stopped working
Speaker 4: and he was there, and I found it incredibly difficult,
Speaker 4: and I, a little bit like Janet, started asking myself
Speaker 4: what could I do? How could I break it to him?
Speaker 4: I did end up renting another office space. But now
Speaker 4: a few years have gone by and I've realized my error.
Speaker 6: So I'm going to share my wisdom with Janet. What
Speaker 6: is it?
Speaker 2: It is this?
Speaker 6: This is not your problem.
Speaker 4: You don't have to break anything to him. You just
Speaker 4: need to let him know that you're working and that's
Speaker 4: your boundary and he needs to go away. How many
Speaker 4: times have we seen the man who's working from home,
Speaker 4: the dad, the husband, and the wife is shushing the
Speaker 4: kids getting them out of the house. Everyone understands that
Speaker 4: he is working. Look and this could go either way,
Speaker 4: right Like, this may be the case in your house, Bruna,
Speaker 4: with Steve shushing the kids. But that is how it works.
Speaker 4: The person who is working takes priority, and it's the
Speaker 4: other person's responsibility to fuck off, and so she needs
Speaker 4: to tell him that she's not responsible for coordinating how
Speaker 4: that happens. I think that that just needs to happen.
Speaker 1: I have very strong thoughts on this because even though
Speaker 1: my husband's not retired, we have a business together. And
Speaker 1: so I said a very clear boundary because I'm so
Speaker 1: with you, Janet, and I can I can hear his
Speaker 1: loud breathing, but I will never be we do so
Speaker 1: many zoom calls together. I will not be in the
Speaker 1: same screen as him. I will not drive with him
Speaker 1: and I basically, even when we're working at the office,
Speaker 1: I try and be in my own space because I
Speaker 1: need my own space to work away from him. But
Speaker 1: also when your lives are so intertwined already and you
Speaker 1: need to focus on what you're doing, I think it's
Speaker 1: totally fair with love for you to say to him,
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you're happy and that you're retired,
Speaker 1: but I need some quiet and I need my space
Speaker 1: and create that. I kind of agree with Sally. I
Speaker 1: don't think you should have to go rent an office
Speaker 1: unless you want to, which I encourage you. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, I just think you do have to
Speaker 1: set up a boundary because it's really hard when someone
Speaker 1: is switched into that gear and you're working.
Speaker 4: Away, because it's not just about the actual work either,
Speaker 4: Like there's the work hours and then he can look
Speaker 4: in and see that you're done and chime in, but
Speaker 4: actually work is also about the blank space. It's about
Speaker 4: the time between the meetings. It's about your lunch break.
Speaker 4: It's about the time that you might scroll on Instagram,
Speaker 4: or time make a phone call or have a nap
Speaker 4: or whatever it is that you do during those hours
Speaker 4: where you don't want to be judged either, because that's
Speaker 4: all part of people's workday, is the chat at the photocopy. Yeah,
Speaker 4: she doesn't need Bill to be there.
Speaker 5: Also feel like women we are much better with friends
Speaker 5: circles than men, So most men don't have that many friends,
Speaker 5: my husband included. And women are very good with community
Speaker 5: and even small groups.
Speaker 2: Of big of friends.
Speaker 5: So when they retire, they just go and do like,
Speaker 5: you know, women's stuff, whereas men they don't, you know,
Speaker 5: very rarely they get together, you know, not like women
Speaker 5: how we do it.
Speaker 3: I just don't think Janet's husband's going to be good
Speaker 3: with boundaries. We really don't think he's going to be
Speaker 3: very good with boundaries. A girlfriend of mine, her husband,
Speaker 3: she works from home, and her husband changed jobs where
Speaker 3: he was in Melbourne occasionally but mainly at home. And
Speaker 3: it wasn't just what you're having for lunch, it was like,
Speaker 3: let's have sex. She was like, what, it's like a
Speaker 3: working day anyway she's in, we work much happier. So
Speaker 3: she left the house. I just working with coworking space.
Speaker 3: I just don't think some men are very good with boundaries.
Speaker 4: No, but they have to be good with boundaries, Like again,
Speaker 4: we are taking that away from them. She should be
Speaker 4: good too, and they rely on us to you know,
Speaker 4: fill that void. They don't have friends, all of those things.
Speaker 4: But if she shuts the door and she says, you
Speaker 4: can't come in here, Bill, he's going to have to
Speaker 4: go and find his adult day when is going to
Speaker 4: have to make his hobbies. Desperation is a wonderful thing.
Speaker 4: We tend to step in and help them where we shouldn't.
Speaker 4: We should just hands off, go play in the garden.
Speaker 2: Bill.
Speaker 1: But also if we've just heard Janet's voice message, Jannet,
Speaker 1: you sound amazing. Yeah, you sound super strong, you sound
Speaker 1: super clear, and I feel confident that you're actually going
Speaker 1: to be able to have that conversation because you're just
Speaker 1: in writing and doing this voice message to us. You
Speaker 1: know what you need to do.
Speaker 2: Just envisit you.
Speaker 3: Bill joining the gym, starts to have sex, to barbroom pilates.
Speaker 4: He'll just find himself a little woodworking ship or something.
Speaker 6: Now that sounds that sounds.
Speaker 2: Community, a man shared. There are loads of man.
Speaker 1: Maybe let's call him Bill. I think she should maybe
Speaker 1: give Bill a membership to something, some kind of community
Speaker 1: event or told you.
Speaker 2: Get him to volunteers somewhere.
Speaker 4: Get him to step up around the house so every
Speaker 4: time you come in hand him the go make dinners,
Speaker 4: he'll piss off quick quicksman. Give him jobs around the house.
Speaker 3: Oh, Janet, I hope you gain something.
Speaker 2: From that personal what happened.
Speaker 3: Right, Well, that is all we have time for today.
Speaker 3: And actually, if you're listening, you've got a problem, you've
Speaker 3: got a friend with a problem. D M and least
Speaker 3: dot show on Instagram. You've just seen how great our
Speaker 3: free advices. I'm solicited, unqualified, but we.
Speaker 2: Love helping, don't we, Ladies.
Speaker 3: Send them in and a big shout out to the
Speaker 3: moss Vale Fang Club.
Speaker 2: Love listening.
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Speaker 2: So we literally pop in every Tuesday.
Speaker 10: All your friends, all of your friends, and as we
Speaker 10: like to say, Tuesday until then, stay unfiltered, Stay unreasonable,
Speaker 10: Stay unleash.
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