WEBVTT - The One Word You Need To Stop Saying & Were 90s Mums 'All That'? 0:00:04.120 --> 0:00:06.720 Welcome to Parenting out Loud, the podcast that brings you 0:00:06.760 --> 0:00:10.040 the news, trends, culture and what parents are thinking about. 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:11.440 I'm Monique Bolly. 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:14.160 I'm Amelia Laster, and I'm Stacy Higgs. 0:00:14.520 --> 0:00:16.400 Coming up on today's show. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:17.880 Our Australian Parents. 0:00:18.079 --> 0:00:22.000 Okay, a huge new survey and the stat that shocked 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:22.759 us all. 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:25.960 And do you apologize for your kid just being themselves? 0:00:26.200 --> 0:00:28.600 I may have been guilty of this on my little 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:30.680 recent trip to Fiji, and I'm going to tell you 0:00:30.760 --> 0:00:32.720 why it's not necessarily a good thing. 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:35.480 And why parents everywhere are putting YouTube on this week 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:37.240 and saying it's Danny. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:38.120 Go, Go Go. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:43.680 But first, there's one celebrity that is guaranteed to light 0:00:43.800 --> 0:00:46.320 up all my group chats with enthusiasm, and it is 0:00:46.479 --> 0:00:49.920 actual godess who walks among us, Hannah Waddingham. 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:50.800 I love her. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:56.120 Oh yes, he's the amazing thing about Hannah. She is 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:59.400 a six foot blonde with a four octave range who 0:00:59.520 --> 0:01:03.440 somehow makes us feel like we can relate to her. Yeah, 0:01:03.640 --> 0:01:05.800 well you two can because you're very tall, but yes, 0:01:06.080 --> 0:01:08.240 for the rest of us, she's She's a tall goddess 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.160 who nonetheless seems relatable And yes, We know her from 0:01:11.200 --> 0:01:13.959 Teddler so from Game of Thrones as well, but here 0:01:14.040 --> 0:01:16.480 she is with some of the very best parenting advice 0:01:16.560 --> 0:01:17.320 you will ever hear. 0:01:17.920 --> 0:01:21.760 I'm not a small woman in any way, shape or form. 0:01:22.360 --> 0:01:23.760 Do I like to look after myself? 0:01:23.959 --> 0:01:24.199 Yes? 0:01:24.640 --> 0:01:29.000 Am I obsessed with that? Absolutely not. So she sees 0:01:29.040 --> 0:01:31.679 me eating crisps, eating chips, eating you and we'll go 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:33.600 for a burger, well, you know, and I will always 0:01:33.680 --> 0:01:35.760 make sure we do that. 0:01:35.760 --> 0:01:38.800 That's Hannah talking about her daughter, who was twelve, who 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:41.520 is she's raising as a single parent. I also didn't 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:44.240 know when I was researching Hannah's life story that she 0:01:44.400 --> 0:01:46.680 briefly emigrated to Australia in twenty. 0:01:46.440 --> 0:01:47.160 Twelve for lofe. 0:01:47.920 --> 0:01:50.680 It didn't work out, but still, yeah, she has Australian 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:51.680 her fast. 0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:53.200 Yeah we could have claimed her. 0:01:53.520 --> 0:01:54.720 God, oh we still can. 0:01:55.200 --> 0:01:59.200 Anyone that spends any time here were like Australia's own Hannah. 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:00.200 Stacy. 0:02:00.240 --> 0:02:04.680 Did you love this advice from our Hannah about eating 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:06.480 in front of girls as much as I did? 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:07.720 Yes? I did. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:10.080 I really loved it because it feels like the complete 0:02:10.200 --> 0:02:13.400 antithesis of like the arm and moms of the nineties. 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:15.480 Look, I feel like you didn't really see your. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:19.120 Mum's eating, like they're always on a diet or doing 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:22.560 something super restrictive. And it's sad that it has to 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.760 be a conscious thought of, like I need to make 0:02:24.800 --> 0:02:27.440 sure she sees me enjoy food and see that I'm 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.720 getting energy from that and all of those things. But 0:02:29.880 --> 0:02:32.840 I love that that's something she's been conscious of, particularly 0:02:32.919 --> 0:02:35.280 given the world that she is in and what we're 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:36.400 seeing on red carpet. 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:37.720 It's great. 0:02:37.919 --> 0:02:40.280 I have a personal running tally, as you both know, 0:02:41.160 --> 0:02:44.120 called Great Dads of the Internet, and I have a 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:48.519 new candidate this week. It's Diplo. Please welcome to the 0:02:48.600 --> 0:02:51.760 Honor Board. The DJ Diplo. Now I didn't know who 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:54.280 Diplo was, but he's one of the biggest DJs on 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:57.680 the planet. He's played at Coachella, the Grammys, Burning men. 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.600 Couldn't tell you a single Diplo song. Do you know 0:03:00.680 --> 0:03:01.240 any Diplo? 0:03:01.520 --> 0:03:01.960 I do? 0:03:02.120 --> 0:03:04.600 I do because it's not his voice on them. They're 0:03:04.600 --> 0:03:07.119 all these songs that you'll go, oh my God, yes 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.160 I know that song, and they're they're kind of his mixes. 0:03:10.280 --> 0:03:12.360 I don't know how DJs work, but he's a very 0:03:12.400 --> 0:03:15.080 successful one and I assume a very comtensive one. 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:15.320 To be fair. 0:03:15.360 --> 0:03:17.800 Of any of the three of us knew who Diplo was, 0:03:17.880 --> 0:03:18.840 it would be Stacy's. 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:20.880 It's very I know totally. 0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:23.359 Well, so he's a really big deal. 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:28.400 And he DJ'ed his son's kindergarten graduation this week. He 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:32.120 called it, and I quote, the most important set of 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:33.600 my career and. 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:35.480 The most exclusive party of the year. 0:03:35.520 --> 0:03:37.240 And he asked all the five year olds if they 0:03:37.280 --> 0:03:39.520 were ready to get crazy, but he did it in 0:03:39.560 --> 0:03:41.960 the most gentle way. Have a listen to this, you 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:46.000 already get crazy. 0:03:47.760 --> 0:03:51.160 I found myself wondering how long the waiting list is 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.080 for the preschool that Diplow sends is, because I bet 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:55.040 it's a long one. 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.480 Well, now they know that, like they just went to 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:00.680 a concert that would cost other people like one hundred 0:04:00.680 --> 0:04:02.920 thousand dollars to get him to their venue, like. 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:04.160 He's a big dog. 0:04:04.240 --> 0:04:07.040 And I loved the vision of all the parents standing 0:04:07.040 --> 0:04:09.360 around the outside like trying to act cool, like they 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.200 didn't just want to be right down the front. 0:04:11.040 --> 0:04:16.680 Like what like was it the PTA the Parents Committee? 0:04:16.720 --> 0:04:20.359 Like someone would have said, Hey, ask Diplo, ask you to 0:04:20.400 --> 0:04:22.560 do this, just asking me if you'll do it the graduate. 0:04:22.560 --> 0:04:26.440 One of those poor parents had to ring diploy him. 0:04:26.320 --> 0:04:29.040 At the school yards that message to Diplo that starts, 0:04:29.279 --> 0:04:31.640 Hey Diplo, we haven't met yet, but I'm a big 0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:34.840 fan of your work. But the thing is, this was 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:35.720 a risky. 0:04:35.400 --> 0:04:38.120 Move because no one is a harsher critic than a kid, 0:04:38.240 --> 0:04:41.640 Like five year olds don't care if you're Diplow. And 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:44.400 he did the riskiest thing of all by playing new 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.960 music like he said, this is one of my new tracks. 0:04:48.000 --> 0:04:50.719 And I'm like, dude, that is so risky, Like they 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:54.039 would be there going like Cao, Damon Honters. 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:56.040 You yeah, play chicken. 0:04:59.200 --> 0:04:59.640 Good audio. 0:04:59.720 --> 0:05:01.039 I love I loved it. 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.520 Every now and then you see something so startling on 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:07.160 your feed that it stops your scroll. For moms this week, 0:05:07.200 --> 0:05:10.279 that was dip blow for me. It was a single 0:05:10.400 --> 0:05:14.040 stat from the largest ever survey of Australian parents, which 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:16.400 was done late last year by a not for profit 0:05:16.520 --> 0:05:19.200 called the Parenting Research Center. Can I say, first of all, 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.279 I'm so glad there is a place called the Parenting 0:05:21.320 --> 0:05:25.440 Research Centers, like they're doing important work. The stat was 0:05:25.520 --> 0:05:30.600 that almost sixty percent of Australian parents are experiencing psychological 0:05:30.880 --> 0:05:34.320 distress as a result of the challenges that they're confronting 0:05:34.320 --> 0:05:38.520 in parenting. That was across all demographics, all types of parents, 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:39.680 all across the country. 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:40.600 They are struggled. 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:42.080 And this was quite a large survey. 0:05:42.080 --> 0:05:44.240 It wasn't Amelia like, this isn't one of those pr 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.280 surveys where they've talked to seventeen people on. 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:50.600 Ever survey of Australian parents. It was a serious survey 0:05:51.040 --> 0:05:55.200 and the researchers identified a couple of different buckets or 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:59.280 sources for that distress loneliness, self doubt, and in particular 0:05:59.320 --> 0:06:03.280 they single that a lack of self compassion. So this 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.680 toought me in my tracks because to be honest, what 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:09.039 it immediately made me feel was less alone that how 0:06:09.080 --> 0:06:11.640 hard This isn't just in my head Mon's Did you 0:06:11.680 --> 0:06:12.880 have that response. 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.840 As I sit my coffee in survival mode right now 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:18.479 as I sit here, Yeah, I did have the same response. 0:06:18.680 --> 0:06:23.480 I thought to myself, Oh, when it's actually documented research, 0:06:23.560 --> 0:06:26.000 Now there's data points on why we're all feeling this way. 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:29.320 Because this is the conversation I have every day with 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.440 my girlfriends in our group chats, in our coffee catch ups, 0:06:32.480 --> 0:06:36.200 it's how are you going, I'm purely in survival mode. 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:39.040 This was really good reporting by the ABC's Conna Duffy. 0:06:39.080 --> 0:06:41.240 He went out and he spoke to this woman who 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:45.280 had four children, and she said it best and she 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:47.239 said the thing that a lot of us are thinking, 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.960 which is I'm exhausted. I feel like I'm in survival 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.599 mode all the time. I don't really feel like I'm 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:57.880 living life. And when you dig down into it, you 0:06:57.960 --> 0:07:01.920 said it was sixty percent of parents feeling psychological stress. 0:07:01.960 --> 0:07:04.840 But the really telling thing for me, the worrying thing 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:08.000 for me and for the experts at the Parenting Research 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:12.720 Center said that twelve percent of Australian parents are reporting 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:16.720 psychological distress in the high range. So that's clinical levels 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:20.000 of anxiety in depression. That is more than one in ten. 0:07:20.280 --> 0:07:22.840 That is every sports team that you're in, that's one 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.840 parent that's at clinical levels of anxiety and depression. In 0:07:26.880 --> 0:07:30.280 the average school classroom it's three to four parents. Like 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:33.640 this is significant numbers. And why they're worried about this 0:07:33.680 --> 0:07:37.080 is because if you are in that state of psychological distress, 0:07:37.120 --> 0:07:38.840 you are not going to parent. 0:07:40.280 --> 0:07:41.320 As well as you can. 0:07:41.400 --> 0:07:43.320 You know, you're less likely to do kind of parenting 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:47.600 behaviors that are going to lead to good outcomes to children. So, yeah, 0:07:47.640 --> 0:07:50.400 experts are really worried about this. Yeah, and parents are 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:51.200 really worried about this. 0:07:51.880 --> 0:07:55.080 It was a great article one that was summarizing the 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:59.440 findings on the ABC website. Another part of the article 0:07:59.440 --> 0:08:01.280 that's stuck out to me is that they interviewed a 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:04.600 demographer from A and U named Liz Allen. She made 0:08:04.600 --> 0:08:07.720 this really interesting point that parents are having fewer kids, 0:08:07.720 --> 0:08:11.080 not because they want to, but because she said in 0:08:11.080 --> 0:08:14.720 this phrase really stuck with me, they are worried about tomorrow. 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:18.360 And I thought to myself, what a perfect encapsulation of 0:08:18.400 --> 0:08:21.600 what parents are, what's at the top of many parents' 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:24.440 minds these days. And she identified a whole host of 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:29.200 things that would be familiar to everyone, housing, affordability, economic security, 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:30.120 climate change. 0:08:30.160 --> 0:08:34.160 AI. I just love how she packaged. 0:08:33.720 --> 0:08:38.240 All of those big concerns up into that idea of 0:08:38.280 --> 0:08:39.599 worried about tomorrow. 0:08:39.880 --> 0:08:43.120 Yeah, and I feel like I've got a theory that 0:08:43.120 --> 0:08:44.960 I would like to bring to the table of something 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.640 else that I lay it on top Like I think, Yeah, 0:08:47.640 --> 0:08:51.120 there's all the obvious stuff we talk about, like money, 0:08:51.120 --> 0:08:53.600 like housing, affordability. They are all things that put the 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:57.000 pressure on us. But this may seem silly that I 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.240 got this from a TikTok clip, but I haven't stopped 0:08:59.240 --> 0:09:01.319 thinking about it. I want to play it to you 0:09:01.840 --> 0:09:04.600 with a woman talking about why she thinks kind of 0:09:04.880 --> 0:09:07.079 parents in the nineties had a bit of an easier 0:09:07.120 --> 0:09:08.360 goal of it compared. 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:10.640 To us now. There are so many things I think 0:09:10.679 --> 0:09:11.080 about it. 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:14.080 They did not know what the inside of anybody's house 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:19.320 looked like unless they personally went there, Like comparison had 0:09:19.360 --> 0:09:21.600 to be at an all time low. Not only did 0:09:21.640 --> 0:09:24.400 they not know what the inside of anybody else's house 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:27.600 look like unless they went there, but they also had. 0:09:27.520 --> 0:09:31.240 No idea what anybody else was doing. They were completely 0:09:31.320 --> 0:09:33.920 where they were, so when they were when my mom 0:09:34.040 --> 0:09:37.040 was at home with me, that's the only place she was. 0:09:37.320 --> 0:09:39.240 When my mom was pushing me on the swing set, 0:09:39.480 --> 0:09:42.719 she wasn't also having like three different conversations on her 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.320 phone and ordering groceries like I was the only one 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:47.480 she was talking to. 0:09:47.600 --> 0:09:49.680 I was the only one she could talk to. 0:09:49.800 --> 0:09:50.560 Oh, that's amazing. 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:52.840 I think it's that I haven't stopped thinking about that 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:55.000 thing of not knowing what the inside of someone else's 0:09:55.000 --> 0:09:58.080 house looks like. And maybe that sounds simplistic, but I 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:01.719 think it's just an example of how much less information 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:05.280 was on parents' minds. Like I think we're just we've 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:08.640 got comparison. Lay it on top of all of these 0:10:08.679 --> 0:10:11.680 things that are going on fast. I mean, I think 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:15.200 back I had three different night light slash sound machines 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:18.160 because of all this information i'd read about brown noise 0:10:18.240 --> 0:10:21.960 and red light. And you know, it's just feels like 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:24.560 an avalanche on top of you of information and everyone's 0:10:24.559 --> 0:10:27.160 trying to do the right thing, and that I think 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:29.640 is adding to why we're finding it harder and why 0:10:29.679 --> 0:10:31.880 it is harder, not just that we're finding it harder us. 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:35.040 Today, I was talking to some colleagues here at Mamma 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:38.760 Mia about a video that we'd seen on Instagram recently 0:10:38.840 --> 0:10:41.760 that we were really annoyed by, where as a parenting 0:10:41.840 --> 0:10:45.040 influencer was kind of haranguing parents about this is the 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.480 wrong thing to do, this is the right thing to do, 0:10:47.920 --> 0:10:51.120 and just being constantly told that the way you parent 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:54.800 could be better, could be perfected, the way you're doing 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:59.679 it is wrong. It just feels it's very demoralizing yeah. 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:02.559 I'm going to take your argument. I'm not going to 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:05.000 I'm going to rail against it. I'm going to disagree 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:10.120 with it respectfully, because your argument, Stacy, is predicated on 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:14.120 the fact that it's an individual problem that we are 0:11:14.160 --> 0:11:16.720 all overwhelmed and burnt out because we are taking on 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:20.800 too much information. But experts are saying and the kind 0:11:20.800 --> 0:11:24.000 of the landscape is saying that that's not the. 0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:25.440 Case, it's not always the case. 0:11:25.480 --> 0:11:28.440 That Actually what it is is that structural supports are 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:31.439 not keeping up with how modern parenting has changed. And 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:34.480 I'm also seeing a lot of nineties nostalgia parenting in 0:11:34.520 --> 0:11:36.920 my feed. You know, parents better in the nineties. Let's 0:11:36.920 --> 0:11:39.800 all parent like nineties parents. But I want to rail 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:40.360 against that. 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:41.040 I think it's. 0:11:40.960 --> 0:11:44.160 Romanticizing something that was going on back then, and we 0:11:44.240 --> 0:11:45.360 don't know what parents. 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:47.720 Of course, nineties parenting feels better to us. 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.559 We were children and our parents probably protected us from 0:11:50.600 --> 0:11:53.080 a lot that was going on, and they faced different 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.920 kinds of pressures. They abously put this article up on 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:58.640 the Instagram and there were some great comments on there, 0:11:58.880 --> 0:12:02.679 and one of them was, I'm not burnt out from parenting, 0:12:02.760 --> 0:12:05.720 I'm burnt out from expectations to parent like I don't 0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:08.480 work full time and work like I'm not a parent, 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:11.360 And I think that's a really big difference from the nineties. 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:14.880 In the nineties, when you worked, it was often economic 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:19.760 conditions were different, so one income families could sustain, you know, 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:22.480 three to four children sometimes, and now that's not the 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:24.839 case anymore. Both parents have to work. But not only that, 0:12:25.400 --> 0:12:27.880 you never feel like you switch off. You feel like 0:12:27.920 --> 0:12:31.000 you are constantly being pulled in these different directions because 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:34.160 of phones, because of globalization, Like there's a lot of 0:12:34.280 --> 0:12:36.679 just the world has changed, and I'm not sure that 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.360 the village that we speak of is there anymore in 0:12:39.360 --> 0:12:41.040 the way that it was in the nineties. 0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:43.640 But I also think how I think that's really true, 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:46.920 Mon's and I appreciate you zooming out there and reminding 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:50.120 us that this is not just our fault for scrolling TikTok, 0:12:50.400 --> 0:12:53.160 really is something that's happening out in the world. That said, 0:12:53.200 --> 0:12:55.760 I think the way that we think of children and 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:58.960 our job as parents has also changed since the nineties. 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:01.720 This crystallized for me the other day because I was 0:13:01.760 --> 0:13:07.119 reading a discussion online where someone said that a stranger 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:11.560 harangued his kids in the street and sort of accused 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:15.240 them of breaking a flower pot outside this person's house 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:17.880 and they hadn't broken the flower pot. But this dad 0:13:17.920 --> 0:13:21.280 was really worried because he said, my children were harangued 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:24.320 and abused by this stranger, and I'm really worried about 0:13:24.360 --> 0:13:25.280 the trauma of that. 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:27.520 And the top comment on the post. 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:31.560 Said that this person recalls doing clean Up Australia. Remember 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:34.760 clean Up Australia started in the nineties, and they were 0:13:34.760 --> 0:13:37.640 like cleaning up a beach and this sort of middle 0:13:37.679 --> 0:13:40.480 aged man walks by and goes, you little shits belong 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.800 in jail because he didn't understand what they were doing. 0:13:44.120 --> 0:13:47.280 But the point was like we had children were not 0:13:47.320 --> 0:13:50.160 quite as poseted as they are now, Like that was 0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:53.320 not an unusual event in the nineties to be sort 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:57.960 of harangued or disciplined by a stranger, whereas now as parents, 0:13:58.040 --> 0:14:00.480 we conceive of that as trauma. 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:01.440 Yeah. 0:14:01.600 --> 0:14:05.160 Yeah, it's like the rains are really tight, aren't they. 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:08.600 So it's when we take on a lot more responsibility 0:14:09.240 --> 0:14:11.960 over our child and the end product that they are, 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:13.000 Like it's like we're. 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:14.120 Trying to produce something. 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:16.400 The kids just like, oh, someone call me a little shit. 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:21.080 That's kind of rude day Yeah, yeah, totally. But what's 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:23.400 the answer here? Like it is so much harder? Is 0:14:23.440 --> 0:14:26.680 it more just solidarity in the shittiness? Like is it 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.520 that we're seeing from this that so many people are 0:14:29.600 --> 0:14:33.520 feeling this way? Is it kind of comfort in that 0:14:33.680 --> 0:14:36.720 everyone's feeling this way? Like what's what's the way out 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.680 of it? I think that really helps Stacy to hear 0:14:39.720 --> 0:14:42.160 that other people are going through it for sure, Like, yeah, 0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:45.120 it feels like it makes me feel less alone. 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:47.080 Gear change. 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:51.240 Now I have a no context TikTok grab to play 0:14:51.240 --> 0:14:51.680 both of you. 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:52.680 I kind of listen to this. 0:14:53.960 --> 0:14:57.760 Who wants to go see gam gam and Pamby? You 0:14:57.760 --> 0:14:59.560 guys want to see me mon goop goop? 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.000 Look who's coming up the drive where it's Gma and 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:03.960 Rumpel steel Skin. 0:15:04.920 --> 0:15:07.040 I want to spend the night with Grandma and Gatak. 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:11.200 Who wants to go see Moonpie and poop deck Pappy? 0:15:12.440 --> 0:15:14.560 You guys want to get dropped off a Grandma and 0:15:14.720 --> 0:15:15.640 Robert House. 0:15:18.400 --> 0:15:23.080 Favorite? Can we just for a moment just take a 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:26.160 beat and talk about what's happening to grandparents' names? Because 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:30.720 Grandma and Grandpa are dead guys, you now have to 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:34.200 be Gma, Moonpie Popsy. 0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:40.320 What this going on? I went, grandma and grandpa get daggy. 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:43.280 I have the answer. When boomers became grandma and grandpa. 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:47.480 So that's when Sagi they could not handle those old names. 0:15:47.680 --> 0:15:50.760 They couldn't like. That's when it happened things like they 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:52.920 don't want to feel old, like. 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:57.040 They called baby boomers. They're still coming to grips of 0:15:57.080 --> 0:15:58.400 the fact that they're no longer babies. 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.720 That's true. There are some crazy ones out there. 0:16:02.760 --> 0:16:03.200 I love that. 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:05.360 I really don't feel like his joke then, was that 0:16:05.400 --> 0:16:07.840 far fetched. I feel like I felt I've heard most 0:16:07.840 --> 0:16:08.280 of them. 0:16:08.200 --> 0:16:10.440 Into something absolutely true. 0:16:10.560 --> 0:16:10.720 Yeah. 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:13.760 Sometimes you don't even know someone's talking about their grandparents. 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:15.760 The names are getting so far fetched. 0:16:15.800 --> 0:16:18.120 Yeah, I've thought of a formula to work out our 0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:19.160 grandparent name JOHNN. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.000 Here it please please? 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:25.320 Okay, So you start with the first letter of your name, yeah, 0:16:25.400 --> 0:16:28.440 and then go backwards a letter. So let's start with you, Stacy. 0:16:28.600 --> 0:16:32.359 So go backwards in the alphabet, go backwards in the Okay. Yeah, 0:16:31.960 --> 0:16:34.640 so what letter have you got? Okay, Now you need 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:40.040 to choose one of the following vibes. Okay, classical, whimsical, 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:43.239 Feryl or wellness. 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:46.960 I mean I'm going to go Feryl, of course. 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:48.600 Or rather that's your name. 0:16:49.000 --> 0:16:53.440 Rasa Okay, I like it, thank you, okay, Bobby Rasa 0:16:54.200 --> 0:16:55.280 merely I go backwards in. 0:16:55.280 --> 0:16:57.800 There for that what I said? And I want Ferrol. 0:16:58.600 --> 0:16:59.240 Oh your zaza. 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:02.520 Wait, tell me what I would have been if I 0:17:02.600 --> 0:17:03.280 was whimsical. 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.640 If you're whimsicll, you'd beat re re. 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.199 Oh that's kind of cute. I can't do that. What 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.399 are you? Which one are you choosing? What am I? 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:17.960 LM N l M l Okay, I'm gonna go. I 0:17:17.960 --> 0:17:21.040 can't go feral. You both chose Ferrel. I'll go wellness. 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:26.000 Leaf leafy, leaf y. 0:17:26.040 --> 0:17:28.680 Yeah, mon's I think it's leaf leaf right. 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:32.040 I'm a bit of a rap like leaf yeah yeah, 0:17:32.040 --> 0:17:35.200 like gam gam you can be leaf leaf yeah, nice 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:35.880 leaf leaf. 0:17:36.400 --> 0:17:37.199 As you both know. 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:40.760 Because I've I've made you look at pictures of my 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:44.080 holiday at nauseum. I went to Fiji a couple of 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.680 weeks ago and I said two particular words on repeat. 0:17:47.920 --> 0:17:50.280 One of them was, of course, bull because it is 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.879 law that you say buller to every person you pass 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:55.240 in Fiji, which is lovely and the second. 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:56.159 The other word margarita. 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:02.160 Actually yeah, was all inclusive was probably the other thing 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:06.560 I would say, Yeah, there was a lot of margeritis consumed. 0:18:06.840 --> 0:18:09.200 But the other popular word that I said a lot 0:18:09.240 --> 0:18:11.760 more than I thought I wouldn't to the point where 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:15.159 I noticed this on my holiday was sorry. And it 0:18:15.240 --> 0:18:17.439 wasn't for something that I was doing. It was for 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:21.680 something that my daughter wasn't doing. So the Fijian people, 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.640 if you've been, will know they're incredibly friendly and welcoming 0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.720 and love children and always will you know, try and 0:18:27.720 --> 0:18:30.320 engage your children, which is which is such a gorgeous 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.240 part of their culture. But my daughter finds it quite 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:35.840 tricky to engage with new people that she's that she's 0:18:35.840 --> 0:18:37.639 not familiar with, and in a lot of those places 0:18:37.640 --> 0:18:39.720 they're kind of coming out of nowhere as you're going 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:42.720 in and out of a restaurant trying to talk to her. 0:18:42.920 --> 0:18:45.440 And I found, I mean, it's a good thing as 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:48.600 a parent in one way for stranger danger purposes that 0:18:48.720 --> 0:18:52.680 your child is not overly familiar. But on the other hand, 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:55.760 it can feel like a bit of a nightmare because 0:18:56.160 --> 0:18:59.640 your child's behaviors at odds with how people are naturally 0:18:59.680 --> 0:19:03.240 just stick expecting them to act, And so I found myself. 0:19:02.880 --> 0:19:05.360 Saying, oh, sorry, she's just a bit shy. Sorry, she's 0:19:05.400 --> 0:19:06.080