WEBVTT - Week 33: Help! I’m Having An Identity Crisis About Becoming A Parent 

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a Mum and me a podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Mom and mayor acknowledges the traditional owners of land and

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<v Speaker 2>waters that this podcast is recorded on.

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<v Speaker 1>I am pregnanty.

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<v Speaker 3>Welcome to Hello Bump.

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<v Speaker 2>We're making pregnancy less overwhelming and more manageable. I'm Grace Reebray.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm pregnant for the first time, and it's starting to

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<v Speaker 2>feel very real but also far away, but it's also

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<v Speaker 2>very close, like it's there's seven more weeks, but then also,

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<v Speaker 2>oh my god, it's only seven more weeks, or it could.

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<v Speaker 1>Be three or four weeks. You never know. Sorry, we're digressing.

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<v Speaker 1>My name is the Outa Pitman. I'm a former Olympian,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm a mother of six, and I'm a training obstitrician

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<v Speaker 1>and gynocologist.

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<v Speaker 2>Each week, Yanna and I will be holding your hand,

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<v Speaker 2>week by week through the mysterious, perplexing, and sometimes very

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<v Speaker 2>daunting miracle that is pregnancy, all the way from a

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<v Speaker 2>poppy seed.

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<v Speaker 3>To a pupkins.

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<v Speaker 1>Week thirty three sounds like a lottery three. Sorry, ol Bingo.

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<v Speaker 3>How big are we?

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<v Speaker 1>A small two hour goldfish bowl?

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<v Speaker 3>I've got a little red panda.

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<v Speaker 1>That's much nicer than my two babies now between one

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<v Speaker 1>point nine and two kilos, so really starting to get bigger.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, we're starting to approach that size where baby's

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<v Speaker 1>going to do very well if they were to come

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<v Speaker 1>forty three to forty six centimeters in length.

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<v Speaker 3>Definitely feeling heavier.

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<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, I'm a baby is heavier. And again we've talked

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<v Speaker 1>about it before, but it's all that amniotic fluid. You've

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<v Speaker 1>got the placenta or your blood volume and your baby.

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<v Speaker 1>And now you definitely see women starting to complain of

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<v Speaker 1>more edema, which is that swelling around the body, hands, feet,

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<v Speaker 1>in your lower limbs, sometimes even above your knees. Now

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<v Speaker 1>you might find if you push on your lower leg,

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<v Speaker 1>it's actually stays there, like a little indent from your

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<v Speaker 1>finger stays there. So obviously be careful because that can

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<v Speaker 1>be an indication of something with your kidneys or with preoclampsia,

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<v Speaker 1>but unfortunately is also a normal part of bregnancy.

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<v Speaker 3>And how has the baby developed.

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<v Speaker 1>Baby's brain and nervous system are now almost fully developed,

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<v Speaker 1>which I think is phenomenal, Like it's extraordinary to think

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<v Speaker 1>that that's already happening. They can suck and swallow, which

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<v Speaker 1>you already know their reflexes aren't quite coordinated yet for

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<v Speaker 1>another week or so, but they're getting very much more mature.

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<v Speaker 1>And they're also starting to store iron in their liver,

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<v Speaker 1>which I don't know, I don't think that's really cool,

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<v Speaker 1>and they'll use that from now up until about six

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<v Speaker 1>months after birth.

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<v Speaker 2>That's incredible that they're starting to get like the nutrients

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<v Speaker 2>that they're going to need.

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<v Speaker 1>On the other side, that's right, I mean, the little

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<v Speaker 1>pancris is working too, which again is why diabetes is

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<v Speaker 1>so important because if mum's got too much glucose circulating,

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<v Speaker 1>baby will also have the same, so they can they

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<v Speaker 1>start producing what we call hyperinsullinemia in a baby, which

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<v Speaker 1>means they start getting more and more insulin going to

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<v Speaker 1>try and store that sugar that's circulating around their body,

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<v Speaker 1>which is why diabetes can lead to problems after birth.

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<v Speaker 1>Because Bubby has that reflex change where it's made two

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<v Speaker 1>months inchulin, it's a little bit chunky. It therefore makes

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<v Speaker 1>too many white blood cells and then actually becomes jaundice

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<v Speaker 1>after birth, so white and red blood cells and then

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<v Speaker 1>becomes jaunders. So there's lots of things to look out

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<v Speaker 1>for at this point.

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<v Speaker 3>What what's happening to me and what's happening to us?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, I think not much is changing, just getting bigger

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<v Speaker 1>and bigger and bigger, more heartburn, more leg cramps, more indigestion. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>we kind of just touched on it, but it's really

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<v Speaker 1>important to start looking at your symptoms. So are there

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<v Speaker 1>any concerns for high blood pressure? Are you getting any

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<v Speaker 1>funny vision changes? Is your headache there? Have you got

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<v Speaker 1>itchy hands and feet? Unfortunately most women do go oh,

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<v Speaker 1>I've got itchy hands and feet. Do I have Collie

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<v Speaker 1>stasis which we are worried about, but in most cases

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<v Speaker 1>just if tummy is stretching and it's itchy. So I'm

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<v Speaker 1>a big believer in getting some nice wet towels and

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<v Speaker 1>putting them over your itchy bits at night.

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<v Speaker 2>But do let your midwife know and what type of

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<v Speaker 2>vision changes are they because one of them, I know

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<v Speaker 2>is flashes in the eyes, which I've had things like

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<v Speaker 2>that for like fifteen years from like anxiety.

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<v Speaker 3>And stuff like that.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's when you're looking out for things. Is it

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<v Speaker 2>something that would be very obvious when it's a change.

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<v Speaker 1>I think any change is what we're looking for. But

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<v Speaker 1>people do describe it as spots or blurry vision. Again,

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<v Speaker 1>terrible things can happen in pregnancy, which we're going this

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<v Speaker 1>is not podcasts, it's not about the terrible, terrible things.

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<v Speaker 1>But you can get central venus from Bosa's all their

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<v Speaker 1>different cerebral problems and even stroke in pregnancy. So we

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<v Speaker 1>do need to be careful because we know women are

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<v Speaker 1>at a much increased risk of what we call DBT

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<v Speaker 1>and VT, which is you know, problems with clots lodging

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<v Speaker 1>in your lungs and if you've got any changes in

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<v Speaker 1>your cardiacy, so many little holes in your heart they

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<v Speaker 1>can even go to your brain. So if there is

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<v Speaker 1>a weird vision symptom, it is not something no matter

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<v Speaker 1>what to be sitting on and all truth, I'd prefer

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<v Speaker 1>it to be preclamsier than a stroke. And it's very rare,

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<v Speaker 1>very rare in a young healthy woman to have a stroke,

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<v Speaker 1>but it does happen, so I think it's important that

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<v Speaker 1>it's investigated straight away. It could be something transient, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>It could be just that you're fatigued and you're tired,

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<v Speaker 1>and you haven't slept enough and you're uncomfortable, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>and a migraine's coming because obviously we can get that

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<v Speaker 1>sort of aura before a migraine. But again it's just

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<v Speaker 1>better the come and see as we were all out

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<v Speaker 1>that there's nothing nasty.

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<v Speaker 2>We spoke about it a few weeks ago about the

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<v Speaker 2>growth spurt stage. Are we in there when the baby's

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<v Speaker 2>having a big growth spurt in these weeks?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, from about twenty eight to about thirty four weeks

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<v Speaker 1>is I mean after that they still put on a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of fat and get bigger, but they've had a

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<v Speaker 1>rapid growth in terms of its size, in terms of

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<v Speaker 1>its what we call it's well, you used to be crowned, remember,

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<v Speaker 1>but now it's head to feet. So in the length

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<v Speaker 1>and the whole size of your baby has grown rapidly,

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<v Speaker 1>which is a good thing because you know it's not

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<v Speaker 1>that far away that birth is coming, and so your

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<v Speaker 1>intake is going to go up as well. You're going

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<v Speaker 1>to be hungrier and we need you to fuel your

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<v Speaker 1>baby at least four to six hundred extra calories a day.

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<v Speaker 2>What's it like an equivalent of like what's like a snack?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, it's an actually extra meal. So again, at

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<v Speaker 1>this point it gets hard to have a whole where

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<v Speaker 1>am I going to fit a whole extra meal in

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<v Speaker 1>so you can split it into three. So, particularly if

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<v Speaker 1>you have pre existing diabetes, for example, especially type ones,

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<v Speaker 1>they need to sort of have a morning and afternoon

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<v Speaker 1>snacker one before bed. So it's just kind of monitoring

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<v Speaker 1>what you do and you know you're probably fine. In

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<v Speaker 1>most cases, they'll be weighing you and if they're concerned

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<v Speaker 1>you're not putting on enough weight, they'll probably let you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Is this normal?

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<v Speaker 1>Is normal?

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<v Speaker 2>Why is this normal? Is more of a mental health one.

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<v Speaker 2>It's about potentially having an identity crisis as you get

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<v Speaker 2>closer to this, because the life that you have lived

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<v Speaker 2>is now going to change.

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<v Speaker 3>And rapidly, and you'll be off work.

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<v Speaker 2>Your social situations are going to change, like there will

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<v Speaker 2>be some social situations which will be strengthened by spending

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<v Speaker 2>time with other mothers because they'll also be off. But

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<v Speaker 2>the fear of am I going to be irrelevant from

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<v Speaker 2>my workplace? Is this you think that you felt when

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<v Speaker 2>you were even training or when you have completely switched careers.

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<v Speaker 2>Is this something you've felt and to people talk to

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<v Speaker 2>you about this?

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<v Speaker 1>So I still feel it even now that the maternity

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<v Speaker 1>leaved blocks that I've had have obviously, you know, a

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<v Speaker 1>couple of my friends have finished and fully fledged consultants

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<v Speaker 1>in obstetrics right now, and I'm still training to be

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<v Speaker 1>one because I made the decision to have babies. So

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<v Speaker 1>I think it's a really natural and healthy discussion to

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<v Speaker 1>have with yourself. It doesn't make you worse or guilty

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<v Speaker 1>or you know, or have a concern. I love my

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<v Speaker 1>children and I'm really glad with the decision that I

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<v Speaker 1>made to have them, but it still does take a

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<v Speaker 1>huge chunk out of your life and facing that at

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<v Speaker 1>this time in pregnancy is scary. You know, what's it

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<v Speaker 1>going to do to my relationship? If you're single? How

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<v Speaker 1>am I going to do this on my own? Like,

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<v Speaker 1>there's lots of conversations that go around in your head.

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<v Speaker 1>And look, I'm obviously a motivational speaker outside of pregnancy,

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<v Speaker 1>and I always talk about fears are really something that

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<v Speaker 1>needs to be addressed. And if you can write down

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<v Speaker 1>on a piece of paper what your greatest fear is

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<v Speaker 1>and then write around all around it, so like, literally

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<v Speaker 1>what is the worst case scenario? Ninety nine percent of

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<v Speaker 1>the time, you can cross most of them off as

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<v Speaker 1>irrational in a good way. And so then when that

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<v Speaker 1>thought comes back in the middle of the night and

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<v Speaker 1>starts telling you can't do this, or I'm not going

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<v Speaker 1>to be a good mother at this, or I'm to

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<v Speaker 1>progress my career here, I'm going to be jobless. All

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<v Speaker 1>the things that you know your little heart's saying, you

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<v Speaker 1>can say, well, I've already discussed that with you. I

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<v Speaker 1>gave you air, I wrote it down, we've had a chat,

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<v Speaker 1>I've reconciled it, and this is the path that we're on.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's more important these days because a lot of

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<v Speaker 1>us are working mums and it's a hard decision to

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<v Speaker 1>know what's right and what's wrong. And now this time

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<v Speaker 1>in pregnancy is about the time it gets the hardest.

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<v Speaker 1>So he has lots of patients come and talk to

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<v Speaker 1>us about that, particularly me because I've obviously had so

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<v Speaker 1>many kids in a very eclectic career.

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<v Speaker 2>And is there advice of your life is going to change,

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<v Speaker 2>like some type of mantra or something about like it

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<v Speaker 2>is going to change, but the parts that you want

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<v Speaker 2>will still be there, or your they.

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<v Speaker 1>Won't be though, Grace, I'm gonna and I think that's

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<v Speaker 1>the reality of it, that your life is going to

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<v Speaker 1>change and don't get me wrong, there are lots of

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<v Speaker 1>ways to parent, and again it is okay if the

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<v Speaker 1>decisions you make to not parent as much as someone else,

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<v Speaker 1>it's okay. Like I think we have so much judgment

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<v Speaker 1>out there of you know, this person works full time,

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<v Speaker 1>she's a better stay at home mum. You can decide

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<v Speaker 1>what your life's going to look like. In other words,

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<v Speaker 1>you can go back to work at three or four

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<v Speaker 1>months if that's what you choose to do. You could

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<v Speaker 1>go back to work a week after if your partners supportive,

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<v Speaker 1>and you've got the options to do that. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>okay whatever your decision is, but that it is not

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<v Speaker 1>going to be like it was before birth. That's never

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<v Speaker 1>going to happen again. There's always going to be sacrifices

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<v Speaker 1>in this space. But I can tell you the day

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<v Speaker 1>that your kid turns around in its school audience and

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<v Speaker 1>points at you and sings the entire anthem to you,

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<v Speaker 1>remember it vividly the whole he's supposed to be looking

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<v Speaker 1>at it at the crowd, and he's literally just singing

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<v Speaker 1>to me, You'll know that it's worth it.

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<v Speaker 3>I love that you do.

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<v Speaker 2>You hear so often of losing identity and all the

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<v Speaker 2>terrible things.

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<v Speaker 1>But then the baby smiles.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but I want more of those stories like the

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<v Speaker 2>love and all those moments of assemblies or watching them

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<v Speaker 2>do a dance concert or whatever it is.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, And I think it's just you share that

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<v Speaker 1>with each other. So I think if that's something you

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<v Speaker 1>feel is not adequately out there, then make a motto

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<v Speaker 1>that when you become that you do share the good

0:08:59.989 --> 0:09:02.189
<v Speaker 1>things as well as the bad, but you try and

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<v Speaker 1>celebrate those little victories along the way. And my mother

0:09:04.229 --> 0:09:05.869
<v Speaker 1>was a very successful mom, and when she had me,

0:09:05.949 --> 0:09:08.309
<v Speaker 1>she said the hardest identity crisis was that she wasn't

0:09:08.349 --> 0:09:10.509
<v Speaker 1>actually good at being a mum. And she been so

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<v Speaker 1>and she's an extraordinary mum, just putting it out there

0:09:12.709 --> 0:09:15.389
<v Speaker 1>like literally the most amazing one. But for her, she

0:09:15.469 --> 0:09:17.789
<v Speaker 1>was such a high successful career woman and then so

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<v Speaker 1>she just thought that she would just become a good

0:09:19.669 --> 0:09:20.989
<v Speaker 1>mother and that she'd work it out, you know, she

0:09:20.989 --> 0:09:22.389
<v Speaker 1>would find a way to make me eat and find

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<v Speaker 1>a way to make me sleep, and it would just

0:09:23.629 --> 0:09:26.429
<v Speaker 1>be all smooth sailing. And so for successful women to

0:09:26.469 --> 0:09:29.589
<v Speaker 1>realize that actually terrible at it initially because they've never

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<v Speaker 1>done it. Before even six time. Mum found it really

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<v Speaker 1>difficult because I couldn't make the twins sleep. That's really normal,

0:09:35.309 --> 0:09:38.269
<v Speaker 1>and finally reconciling saying that's okay, I don't have to

0:09:38.269 --> 0:09:39.909
<v Speaker 1>be great at this, I just need to be present.

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<v Speaker 1>Is doing a good job.

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<v Speaker 2>In the toolkit this week and how to do lists.

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<v Speaker 2>I have a pregnancy pillow that I just wanted to mention,

0:09:50.789 --> 0:09:52.909
<v Speaker 2>which I had one before that I've been sleeping with,

0:09:52.949 --> 0:09:55.749
<v Speaker 2>but then this one. I look, I did get opsolted

0:09:55.749 --> 0:09:58.669
<v Speaker 2>at a baby fair, but I was really in the

0:09:58.709 --> 0:10:01.149
<v Speaker 2>mood to purchase something, so it's all fine.

0:10:01.429 --> 0:10:03.189
<v Speaker 3>I think the brand was Butterfly.

0:10:03.549 --> 0:10:06.589
<v Speaker 2>It looks like a butterfly like but yeah, like too a.

0:10:06.589 --> 0:10:09.269
<v Speaker 1>Scop your partner or that's the biggest argument we get

0:10:09.309 --> 0:10:10.909
<v Speaker 1>with people is that they feel like they're pushing their

0:10:10.949 --> 0:10:12.429
<v Speaker 1>partner out the pillow become their new lover.

0:10:13.989 --> 0:10:17.309
<v Speaker 3>No, well he's not said, I don't think you said anything. No.

0:10:18.469 --> 0:10:20.789
<v Speaker 2>This one is like it's a two pillows, but it's

0:10:20.869 --> 0:10:22.829
<v Speaker 2>joined by something in the middle, and you sleep out

0:10:22.869 --> 0:10:25.069
<v Speaker 2>of sides. You've got a cushioning either side, but it

0:10:25.149 --> 0:10:27.789
<v Speaker 2>doubles up as a nursing pillow, which is What sold

0:10:27.869 --> 0:10:30.509
<v Speaker 2>me is that you put on a new cover for

0:10:30.549 --> 0:10:33.069
<v Speaker 2>it and then you twist it so there's no hole

0:10:33.109 --> 0:10:35.029
<v Speaker 2>in the middle and it is a bit more plump

0:10:35.269 --> 0:10:36.429
<v Speaker 2>so it can be your nurse.

0:10:36.469 --> 0:10:39.189
<v Speaker 1>And look, the nursing pillows are great. I had a

0:10:39.189 --> 0:10:41.069
<v Speaker 1>twin z for my twins, which was wonderful because you

0:10:41.069 --> 0:10:42.549
<v Speaker 1>can obviously put you can either feed bottles with a

0:10:42.589 --> 0:10:44.469
<v Speaker 1>baby or wrap it around and put both babies on.

0:10:44.789 --> 0:10:46.589
<v Speaker 1>But I think that, I mean, that's amazing to start

0:10:46.629 --> 0:10:48.469
<v Speaker 1>thinking about things that can be used for both because

0:10:48.469 --> 0:10:50.669
<v Speaker 1>otherwise you use it in pregnancy and then what what

0:10:50.789 --> 0:10:52.909
<v Speaker 1>you know? I mean, yeah, the waste, the waste the

0:10:52.949 --> 0:10:53.989
<v Speaker 1>waist is very real.

0:10:56.269 --> 0:10:58.269
<v Speaker 3>We hope you enjoyed this episode of Hello Bump.

0:10:58.349 --> 0:11:01.189
<v Speaker 2>We have so many episodes of this series filled with

0:11:01.229 --> 0:11:04.349
<v Speaker 2>tips and stories from women and experts who've been through

0:11:04.349 --> 0:11:05.069
<v Speaker 2>it all before.

0:11:05.349 --> 0:11:07.149
<v Speaker 1>You can go back and listen to everything else Hello

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<v Speaker 1>Bump related in this podcast.

0:11:08.469 --> 0:11:10.789
<v Speaker 2>Feed, and while you're there, if you could give us

0:11:10.789 --> 0:11:12.709
<v Speaker 2>a five star rating and maybe leave us a review

0:11:12.829 --> 0:11:14.749
<v Speaker 2>or even share this episode with a friend.

0:11:14.909 --> 0:11:18.069
<v Speaker 1>This episode was produced by Courtney Ammenhauser with audio production

0:11:18.149 --> 0:11:19.829
<v Speaker 1>by Tom Lyon. We'll catch you next time.

0:11:19.909 --> 0:11:20.829
<v Speaker 3>This episode of Hello.

0:11:20.869 --> 0:11:26.869
<v Speaker 2>Bump was made in partnership with Huggies Bye Bye