Speaker 1: I got to a hospital and I was sat in
Speaker 1: the kitchen with no information, and I continued to ask,
Speaker 1: and they brought up Paul's name and Stephanie's name, but
Speaker 1: Crystal's name was never brought up. And I continued to
Speaker 1: ask about Crystal, and they continued to say, there's no
Speaker 1: such person. Hello.
Speaker 2: I'm Kate Langbrook, host of No Filter, and my guests
Speaker 2: today are Stephanie and Marie Browitt. In December twenty nineteen,
Speaker 2: the Melbourne mother and daughter boarded a cruise through New
Speaker 2: Zealand with their family. During the trip, Stephanie, her father Paul,
Speaker 2: and her younger sister Cristal joined a tour to Wakari,
Speaker 2: also known as White Island, an active volcano off the
Speaker 2: coast of New Zealand. At two eleven PM, the volcano erupted.
Speaker 2: Crystal was killed on the island. Stephanie and her father Paul, survived,
Speaker 2: but suffered catastrophic burns. Weeks later, Paul died from his injuries. Also,
Speaker 2: Stephanie spent months in hospital undergoing surgeries, skin grafts, and rehab,
Speaker 2: while Marie faced the unimaginable reality of caring for her
Speaker 2: surviving daughter while grieving both her husband and youngest child.
Speaker 2: But this conversation is not simply about the eruption itself.
Speaker 2: It's about what happens after survival. It's about grief, visible scars, motherhood,
Speaker 2: survivor's guilt, humor, resilience, and the extraordinary bond between a
Speaker 2: mother and daughter forced to rebuild their lives side by
Speaker 2: side after unimaginable loss. This is Stephanie and Marie Browitt.
Speaker 2: Stephanie Browitt, Marie Browitt, Welcome.
Speaker 1: To No Filter.
Speaker 3: Thank you, thank you having us.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 1: My girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Jane Kennedy, who I know you know, wrote the forward
Speaker 2: to your book and speaks very beautifully of you, and
Speaker 2: she says in the forward this book you may need
Speaker 2: to put down and take a few breaths while you're
Speaker 2: reading it, because both of you have endured unimaginable anguish.
Speaker 2: But you have also both of you fought for your lives.
Speaker 2: And it's an expression that people use, you know, casually sometimes,
Speaker 2: but both of you literally have, and the story of
Speaker 2: your survival both of you strikes me very much as
Speaker 2: a tale of love, a mother's love, a daughter's love,
Speaker 2: a sister love, a father's love, and the love of
Speaker 2: strangers who rose to meet you along the way. Why
Speaker 2: did you decide that now was the time to share
Speaker 2: your story with your book out of the ashes?
Speaker 3: I know for me personally, I needed to be in
Speaker 3: the right headspace emotionally, and I feel like I was
Speaker 3: going through so much still for many years after the
Speaker 3: eruption had taken place, because the recovery and the surgeries
Speaker 3: and operations that I was going through was taking a
Speaker 3: long time, much longer than I anticipated or thought it
Speaker 3: would take. And then we had so much going on
Speaker 3: in our lives in terms of the court case that
Speaker 3: we had, yes, and once that was behind us in
Speaker 3: a sense and we were able to go back to
Speaker 3: New Zealand and Fuckatani and meet some of the locals
Speaker 3: there and my heroes. I feel like that felt like,
Speaker 3: even though you can never know the perfect time, the
Speaker 3: perfect right time, but that felt like it had led
Speaker 3: us to the moment that was right to finally share
Speaker 3: our story.
Speaker 2: How did the conversation come about with your mum?
Speaker 1: Who?
Speaker 2: I imagine Steph that it was you that you lead
Speaker 2: the charge on Is that right, Marie?
Speaker 1: It was always Stephanie's idea. I never planned to be
Speaker 1: a part of it. I'm glad I did, because I
Speaker 1: remained silent throughout the years and was somehow invisible and
Speaker 1: out of the picture. You were busy. I was very busy,
Speaker 1: but I never spoke, so my voice was quite silent.
Speaker 1: Stephanie did. She she took over and spoke out and
Speaker 1: so forth, and she really did want me to partake.
Speaker 1: And a few people said, look, you know, it is
Speaker 1: great that Stephanie has this power and this tool where
Speaker 1: and she has the ability and determination to write this book,
Speaker 1: which she actually started writing in hospital. Ah. She started
Speaker 1: writing it in rehab when I bought her a phone, yes,
Speaker 1: because her fingers, and I thought, I, if I buy
Speaker 1: her this phone or this iPad, we can commence rehabilitation
Speaker 1: and she can reconnect with the world. And because I
Speaker 1: saw a darkness in her eyes at that point, and
Speaker 1: I thought I was going to lose her, and I thought,
Speaker 1: she's completely disconnected. If I can somehow give us something
Speaker 1: back and reconnect her with the world or something or
Speaker 1: friends or anything, maybe she can gain some you know,
Speaker 1: perspective and get a fight back, her spirit back. And
Speaker 1: it did it work. So she started drotting things down.
Speaker 1: Whether it was to maintain memory, I'm not sure, so
Speaker 1: I always knew she wanted it out there. And it
Speaker 1: took a while because, as she said, we did have
Speaker 1: the case, the court case, and we had so much
Speaker 1: happening in Stephanie's operations of just being countless, and there's
Speaker 1: been so much healing, and when I was asked to join,
Speaker 1: I thought, no, this is Stephanie's project. I couldn't possibly
Speaker 1: And then I was convinced that, you know, there's so
Speaker 1: much in a hospital bed, but then nobody knows about
Speaker 1: the flip side of what was happening around her and
Speaker 1: what was happening in the background, and the failures that
Speaker 1: I noticed that took place, well, may failed me or
Speaker 1: the system and the people that came to support us,
Speaker 1: and nobody heard that story, and and you know, it
Speaker 1: was an insurmountable, you know, a tragedy, and it was
Speaker 1: you know, the odds were all against us, and Stephanie's
Speaker 1: fight was incredible, and I'm glad that she put that
Speaker 1: to paper, and that's why I joined you. And I thought, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll tell it as I remember it the word, and
Speaker 1: from what we experienced, I hope it represents us well
Speaker 1: on it. As you said, our family and the love
Speaker 1: that we share in the bond that we have. We've
Speaker 1: always had that bond.
Speaker 2: How was your family, So we're going back to twenty nineteen,
Speaker 2: and it was before the what's known as the White
Speaker 2: Island incident, the volcano, the volcanic eruption, that you were
Speaker 2: visiting as a family, not you, Marie, but on part
Speaker 2: of a cruise that you'd take in a celebratory cruise
Speaker 2: with your beautiful daughter and sister Crystal with Kay that's right,
Speaker 2: and your husband Paul had gone with the two girls.
Speaker 2: What did your family look like, because the sense is
Speaker 2: that they were a very that you're a very beautiful,
Speaker 2: bonded family.
Speaker 3: Well, we were always very, very close, and I mean
Speaker 3: close enough that we could pick on each other and
Speaker 3: fight with each other and then love each other all
Speaker 3: in one day. It didn't matter. But I valued our
Speaker 3: time together so so much, and when it came to
Speaker 3: things like birthdays or celebrations, I didn't care so much
Speaker 3: to catch up with people outside of the family. The
Speaker 3: thing I looked forward to most was our time getting
Speaker 3: out of the house and spending time together because we
Speaker 3: always had so much fun with each other. You know,
Speaker 3: Dad would joke around and act silly all the time
Speaker 3: and do silly things, and then we'd pick on. Mum
Speaker 3: always took everything with great you know, you took it
Speaker 3: really greatly. But we just you could see everyone on
Speaker 3: the outside, I don't know, could see how much we
Speaker 3: loved each other because we were loud, we were happy,
Speaker 3: we were joyous. We always had people at our place
Speaker 3: when we would celebrate or have Christmas East or anything
Speaker 3: like that. Mum would host the gatherings. Mum would cook
Speaker 3: up storm and my friends would always want to come
Speaker 3: around to have some of Mum's food, but also just
Speaker 3: to be around our family because it was infectious. And
Speaker 3: I felt very lucky and fortunate to have a family,
Speaker 3: to have the family that I did, and to see
Speaker 3: how much other people wanted to join and be a part,
Speaker 3: because I knew that not everyone gets that, not everyone
Speaker 3: gets happy family or you know, so I knew how
Speaker 3: valuable and lucky I was to have that as well.
Speaker 2: So at that stage, you were twenty three and Crystal
Speaker 2: had just turned twenty one, you'd had her twenty first
Speaker 2: and to celebrate that, you had gone on a family cruise,
Speaker 2: which you had done before and which was also a
Speaker 2: source of much joy and fun for you. And when
Speaker 2: you're on board the boat, which is a Royal Caribbean cruise,
Speaker 2: you hadn't been on that line before.
Speaker 1: We had. We had taken a Royal Caribbean cruise only
Speaker 1: eleven months before with a different evasion of disease was one.
Speaker 1: The other one was I can't remember the friendship, I continued,
Speaker 1: But you loved cruising. You were a cruising family. Were
Speaker 1: we holidayed. We made sure we took a holiday with
Speaker 1: the killers once a year. We wanted them to have
Speaker 1: a rest. Because of their studies. They worked quite hard
Speaker 1: and very long hours. Crystal especially would work the hours
Speaker 1: of a full time employee, supervising at our local woollies
Speaker 1: and also studying. Ven studied full time. She studied full
Speaker 1: time at university, and she also volunteered with r SBCAS
Speaker 1: And at the time she had just completed her her
Speaker 1: two days placement at Lord Smith Animal Hospital, which is
Speaker 1: where she was supposedly going to work because that's what
Speaker 1: she wanted to do, and I asked her to work locally.
Speaker 1: She said, no, I don't want to be part of
Speaker 1: a veterinary clinic which spends most of its time doing
Speaker 1: small things on euthanasia, which is something like I can't tolerate.
Speaker 1: I would rather be in a hospital saving saving souls
Speaker 1: rather than you know, I want to be part of
Speaker 1: the healing process. And yeah, so and Stephanie too, the
Speaker 1: poor thing. She was coming home so late at night.
Speaker 1: She was she had completed her art's degree and then
Speaker 1: did another hey, I'd find course and that was just
Speaker 1: coming to one end. So literally every year when you know,
Speaker 1: we were all so exhausted because I was also mum's
Speaker 1: care or seven days a week as well as working,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was a good good time to
Speaker 1: have a break with the girls. And we had taken
Speaker 1: this cruise before, but not this particular ship. We were
Speaker 1: constantly looking at upgrading to give the family something more interesting,
Speaker 1: something different, And we'd never been to New Zealand before
Speaker 1: and this was the first time we were going, and
Speaker 1: we were going to be celebrating or continue the celebration
Speaker 1: of my daughter's twenty first birthday.
Speaker 2: And also that was a lovely way for you to
Speaker 2: enjoy the family as well, because the against the backdrop
Speaker 2: of the family is that you also have a mess
Speaker 2: that you had had for a couple of decades. That's right, so,
Speaker 2: and that brings its own attendant issues. So a cruise
Speaker 2: is a perfect environment that you can all kind of
Speaker 2: relax together. And how beautiful that your girls wanted to
Speaker 2: come with you. Oh, they didn't have much choice.
Speaker 1: Always got a choice, Marie, No, they do. We were
Speaker 1: very lucky that we had two beautiful daughters. Very proud
Speaker 1: of both our girls. Very good kids. Actually they never
Speaker 1: posed an issue. They were you know, they were very loving,
Speaker 1: and they were dedicated to their education and to be
Speaker 1: inn a valuable member of society. They were, you know,
Speaker 1: they had very good morals and principles and we were
Speaker 1: very proud of that. As to you know, we did
Speaker 1: our all to install that in them and make sure
Speaker 1: that we were also blinded and connected as a family.
Speaker 1: And to do that, we wanted to make sure that
Speaker 1: we spent a lot of time together and we had
Speaker 1: dinners together rather than one in front of the TV.
Speaker 1: And now they're in the Yeah, so I you know,
Speaker 1: I always said we need to sit down at the
Speaker 1: table and connect. Food in our family was more about
Speaker 1: connecting mother than eating. But I made sure that that
Speaker 1: time was our time. It was a valuable time, it
Speaker 1: was productive. If we had something to speak about or
Speaker 1: something to that needed discussing or sorting out. This is
Speaker 1: the time to do it. Any concerns. And we laughed
Speaker 1: around the table, and we threw food at each other,
Speaker 1: so I had to clean up, of course. And yes,
Speaker 1: I was the source of their banter, and I did
Speaker 1: take it very well. And how we loved a joke,
Speaker 1: and we really value and valued and cherish the laughter
Speaker 1: in our home. We laughed and screamed a lot. We
Speaker 1: were so loud, I think the next suburb could hear
Speaker 1: us because my front door was always open and it
Speaker 1: was open to anyone that entered.
Speaker 2: And they were valued like family. So yeah, and also
Speaker 2: the girls you love nature, Stephanie and your sister, Yes,
Speaker 2: that's right. So then when you're on the on the
Speaker 2: bouche and one of the tours that's offered is an
Speaker 2: extraordinary opportunity really to go see to go to this
Speaker 2: place called White Island. What did you know of that
Speaker 2: at the time.
Speaker 3: Well, we were already on the ship at that moment
Speaker 3: when we came across the tour in one of the
Speaker 3: pamphlets that was on the cruise that was given to us,
Speaker 3: so nothing, we literally knew nothing except what we had
Speaker 3: just come across on that day. Right, We were a
Speaker 3: few days in and we thought we'd have a look
Speaker 3: at the pamphlet just to get an idea of things
Speaker 3: to do in New Zealand, not necessarily to book it
Speaker 3: to our from the ship itself, but just to get
Speaker 3: an idea of things that we could do it some
Speaker 3: of us stops, and that was one we came across,
Speaker 3: and I remember thinking, oh, this just sounds like something
Speaker 3: you can't really does elsewhere, and we may not come
Speaker 3: across this sort of thing again, maybe we can look
Speaker 3: into this one. So that's where my mind went when
Speaker 3: I first saw it. It didn't really say much except
Speaker 3: that we'd be taking a cruise out to White Island
Speaker 3: and enjoy as a beautiful lunch on board, and that
Speaker 3: it would be very scenic, yes, and it had the duration,
Speaker 3: and that we would need to be wearing clothes shoes
Speaker 3: because of the walking that would take place.
Speaker 2: And because of the walking. Your mom didn't end up
Speaker 2: going on that trip, and because of your limitations, you
Speaker 2: were like, this is I won't be able to do this.
Speaker 2: But Paul and the girls said, off, that's right, yes, Paul.
Speaker 2: When they noticed it. It's not like a colored illustration
Speaker 2: or anything like that. It's just a photocopy insert that
Speaker 2: they put in in every day.
Speaker 1: It's like a daily And it was just like a
Speaker 1: paragraph and there was a few to choose from, and
Speaker 1: it just caught Stephanie's eye. It sounded, you know, it
Speaker 1: sounded great. Really. I remember Kristal not being so. She
Speaker 1: was a little apprehensive because christ said, what a ripoff, right,
Speaker 1: because the boat excursions are always expensive. She said, this
Speaker 1: is a ripoff. Why should I pay this money?
Speaker 3: And we did.
Speaker 1: We never did partake in these excursions because we were
Speaker 1: very independent. We liked doing our own thing. But it's
Speaker 1: good to go through them because you had ideas of
Speaker 1: what you can do, and this one wasn't one we
Speaker 1: can It was something that you were forced to do
Speaker 1: with them, or you went with that. And the girl,
Speaker 1: Stephanie was very determined that she this sounded exciting, and
Speaker 1: it said sounded colorfull and life. She actually said, this
Speaker 1: is one since you actually said that. They were your
Speaker 1: actual words at the time. And I remember saying please, no, no,
Speaker 1: you know, and do a different one, and and and
Speaker 1: Paul said, and I'd say, okay, but I'll stay with
Speaker 1: you and I said, you're not staying with me. If
Speaker 1: the girls leave, you leave with them. And I remember
Speaker 1: him saying, I'm not leaving you here on your own,
Speaker 1: and I laughed, thinking, in a ship thousands of people,
Speaker 1: I'm not the one that's going to be alone. The
Speaker 1: girls will be you need. If they go, you go.
Speaker 1: And I said those words, and they did go. And
Speaker 1: I stayed behind on the ship because, as you said,
Speaker 1: because of my mess, my my ability was restricted. And
Speaker 1: in that brochure, in that in that paragraph, there was
Speaker 1: a picture of stairs because they have like yees and
Speaker 1: the only warning, and the only only warning was wear
Speaker 1: comfortable shoes, right. And immediately I said to poor I
Speaker 1: can't go, and he knew, and so off they went.
Speaker 1: And I didn't think that it would be dangerous.
Speaker 2: And in the meantime, Crystal had entrusted you with a
Speaker 2: with a with a mission, which was to get her
Speaker 2: key ring, which she collected from everywhere.
Speaker 1: I gathered that you went everywhere we went in it
Speaker 1: didn't matter where it went we went, which she collected
Speaker 1: a coin, and she collected a carring and souvenirs and
Speaker 1: also the what do you call them? The globes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she always collected those, and on this particular one, it
Speaker 1: was like, well, if we're going out there, how am
Speaker 1: I going to get a caring? And I remember as
Speaker 1: I was getting pleased, I mean, I said, well, I
Speaker 1: don't really know where the ship stocked from where we
Speaker 1: were facing, you couldn't really see. And I said, I
Speaker 1: don't know it all all depend And she said please,
Speaker 1: and I said, and I know I can't heat and
Speaker 1: I can't do walking, and at the time I couldn't
Speaker 1: walk far. I was with a walking stick at the time,
Speaker 1: and I was using the aid and I said, look,
Speaker 1: I can't promise you. And it wasn't until stephany timing
Speaker 1: much later that she was asking total strangers to get
Speaker 1: this caring for her. But I felt terrible halfway through
Speaker 1: the day and I thought, no, I've got to do
Speaker 1: this for my baby, and I wanted to surprise the girl.
Speaker 1: So I did get off and surprisingly the buses were
Speaker 1: right there. It was all organized and was quite easy, yes,
Speaker 1: and they circled the town and it was either a
Speaker 1: public holiday or a Sunday. I think it was a
Speaker 1: public holiday, and ninety percent of the shops were shut,
Speaker 1: probably ninety five. And I did manage to go in one,
Speaker 1: and I actually found her name with the K, very unusual.
Speaker 1: First on the day. I can't believe it. On the day.
Speaker 1: What are the chances of that? Her entire life, she
Speaker 1: looked for anything carrying anything with a K. Her name
Speaker 1: was always it was always c which was after when
Speaker 1: the Fairies had come out. I remember thirty years ago
Speaker 1: now the products and the show, and it became a
Speaker 1: very popular name. But she's like she named after my grandmother,
Speaker 1: the great grandmother. That's my great grandmother's it's a very
Speaker 1: old Greek name, and it's Costalo. What does it mean.
Speaker 1: It means purity and clarity, and that's what she was.
Speaker 1: She was very crystal clear, just like her name.
Speaker 2: So you're on your mission to get the key ring
Speaker 2: and you're miles away Stephanie doing undertaking what has proven
Speaker 2: to be a really arduous trip, which also was not flagged.
Speaker 3: Yes, how hard.
Speaker 2: It was going to be to get there, that a
Speaker 2: boat ride in which everyone was violently ill.
Speaker 3: That's right, it, yeah, it. We saw the duration of
Speaker 3: the tour. We didn't realize that majority of that duration
Speaker 3: would be just getting to and from. Yes, I had
Speaker 3: no idea that the port we were stopping at was
Speaker 3: so far from where we needed to go for this
Speaker 3: particular tour. So we stopped at Taranga and there was
Speaker 3: a bus ride involved, which we had already become a
Speaker 3: big motion sick from that, and then that led us
Speaker 3: onto this little cruise boat, like a little jetboat. I'd
Speaker 3: say it wasn't very big, which was the one that
Speaker 3: was apparently advertisers being a scenic boat where you could
Speaker 3: enjoy your lunch on it, And it very much wasn't that.
Speaker 3: It left us seasick almost immediately.
Speaker 2: How many people on the boat forty.
Speaker 3: There were forty two of us, Yeah, yeah, forty two
Speaker 3: of us, including some of the guides that were going
Speaker 3: to be running the tours when we arrived. But a
Speaker 3: lot of those people, I'd say at least half were
Speaker 3: very much seasick. It was noticeable pretty much straightaway, with
Speaker 3: vomit bags being handed out, people being moved around the
Speaker 3: boat towards the back because that was apparently a better
Speaker 3: position to be in for the seasickness. But you felt
Speaker 3: it the whole way. It was just awful? Did it feel?
Speaker 2: And I know that to have these conversations in retrospect
Speaker 2: is different, but did it when you arrived at this
Speaker 2: you describe it as like almost a moonscape. Yes, this barren,
Speaker 2: rocky thrust of an island. Did it did anything about
Speaker 2: it other than the illness feel ominous to you?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: Not when we had just landed there, because I think
Speaker 3: we were so focused on just okay, we're finally on land. Yes,
Speaker 3: that wasn't my first thought, because I had already begun
Speaker 3: to feel bad for dubting Crystal for bringing for tuesdays
Speaker 3: just from the sea sickness. I was already feeling like crap. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and then once we were there, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: maybe it's going to be a bit better now, which
Speaker 3: is hard to say now back, but yeah, that's what
Speaker 3: we thought. So our main focus was Okay, let's just
Speaker 3: we're going to feel better now the sea sickness is gone.
Speaker 3: And then we're just taking in our surroundings and looking
Speaker 3: around at what's around and you know, it's very unusual.
Speaker 3: It's not something you see every day, let alone probably
Speaker 3: ever think you're going to see again. So it's cool
Speaker 3: in the moment. Yep, it looks very cool, very different
Speaker 3: and unique, very photographic, something fun to share. So in
Speaker 3: that moment, we're just taking in and you can't really
Speaker 3: I couldn't really see much from the crater itself from
Speaker 3: where we were beginning the tour.
Speaker 2: Right, So then you walked up a path to the crater.
Speaker 3: Yes, So then once the tour began, after the we
Speaker 3: were placed into two separate groups with two tour guides each.
Speaker 3: My family we were in the second group to be
Speaker 3: walking around the island that day. So we were following
Speaker 3: the tour GUIDs with one at the front and one
Speaker 3: at the back in a single file line so that
Speaker 3: we wouldn't separate and get lost. Yeah, so they were
Speaker 3: taking us around a pathway that they said we had
Speaker 3: to follow, which wasn't It wasn't a very clear pathway,
Speaker 3: to be honest, but we made sure to try and
Speaker 3: stick to where their feet were whilst they were sharing
Speaker 3: some information about you know, what some of the rocks were,
Speaker 3: and you know, there's a little stream running along and
Speaker 3: you know, have a feel, have a touch, you can
Speaker 3: do this and that takes some photo opportunities. Before we
Speaker 3: had arrived at the crater, which probably took about twenty
Speaker 3: five minutes to get there. You know, we weren't walking
Speaker 3: fast or anything. We were slowly but surely following along,
Speaker 3: and you know, as you were getting closer to the crater,
Speaker 3: you could tell because of the smell that was coming
Speaker 3: from very sulfurous, eggy, very strong and irony in a
Speaker 3: sense like if you were bleeding in your mouth. That
Speaker 3: sort of smell and taste you could feel inside your body.
Speaker 3: And that's when you start to realize, oh wow, this
Speaker 3: is huge. As you start to see the crater alive,
Speaker 3: it felt, yes, yes, it was in that moment, it.
Speaker 1: Felt a living lagon under the earth.
Speaker 3: That right, but very different from anything I had pictured
Speaker 3: because it's it wasn't explained to us exactly what we
Speaker 3: would be seeing, and in my mind, I'm picturing something
Speaker 3: like what other people go and see.
Speaker 2: Like a lava volcano, volcano from Hawaii, yes, which this
Speaker 2: wasn't it.
Speaker 3: And they were telling us, you know, to stay behind
Speaker 3: a certain line so that you don't get too close
Speaker 3: because it's like a huge ledge that was extremely far
Speaker 3: from one side to the other, and you're very much
Speaker 3: inland at this point because there are huge walls now
Speaker 3: that are surrounding you and if you look straight down,
Speaker 3: there was meant to be. It's meant to be a lake,
Speaker 3: crater lake, but that wasn't visible. It was covered in steam, right,
Speaker 3: and was it that day because of how boiling hot
Speaker 3: the crater lake itself was. Which way, which, yeah, very different.
Speaker 3: It's not what I expected, you know. I expected to
Speaker 3: see maybe some gray clouds rising out, or even just nothing,
Speaker 3: maybe just some bubbling down.
Speaker 2: So it's a gas volcano.
Speaker 3: It's a gas yes. So it's a freeotic eruption, which
Speaker 3: is a I think less common than the regular eruptions
Speaker 3: that people know of, so it produces it's a steam eruption,
Speaker 3: a gas eruption.
Speaker 2: I'll be back with Marie and Stephanie after this short break.
Speaker 2: And then at what point did it become apparent that
Speaker 2: you shouldn't be on the island?
Speaker 3: Well, I was a bit iffy from the get go
Speaker 3: once we were on the island itself, when the tour
Speaker 3: guide at first mentioned that it was a level two
Speaker 3: and we didn't need to be doing this a bit
Speaker 3: quicker than usual.
Speaker 1: Right, And how many levels are there at that time?
Speaker 3: I had no idea, but I believe now there's five, right,
Speaker 3: But the problem is three is an eruption, so twos
Speaker 3: one before an eruption right, But that wasn't explained to us,
Speaker 3: and we didn't really get a chance to ask questions
Speaker 3: before they moved on to the next thing that they
Speaker 3: were discussing. So in my mind it wasn't the two necessarily,
Speaker 3: It was that we need to move a bit quicker.
Speaker 2: Right some stage there, so they're hurrying you along, yeah,
Speaker 2: with a sense of urgency, or it didn't.
Speaker 3: Show a sense of urgency, but it was very much
Speaker 3: you know this, and then onto the next thing, this,
Speaker 3: and then onto the next thing. And we could see
Speaker 3: the other group up ahead and we were trailing a
Speaker 3: little bit of a distance behind them. But that was
Speaker 3: the first sense of okay, this does feel a little
Speaker 3: bit more dangerous. And then when they were mentioning that
Speaker 3: rocks could fall down and the possibility of rocks falling
Speaker 3: down from the side of the walls and to keep
Speaker 3: your heart hat on and everything, because none of this
Speaker 3: was mentioned until we were on the island itself. Yes,
Speaker 3: so that's the first time where the sense of okay,
Speaker 3: this is a little bit more dangerous than I expected began.
Speaker 3: But then as we were near the crater edge, yeah,
Speaker 3: I was a little bit scared just being close to it,
Speaker 3: not even because of an eruption itself, but just you know,
Speaker 3: I felt like this could crumble at any moment. You know,
Speaker 3: I don't want to get too close to that. Even
Speaker 3: as close as they were saying, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: maybe we can stay a little bit further back than
Speaker 3: what they're it did. So it was little things along
Speaker 3: the way that sort of set off a bit of
Speaker 3: you know, apprehensiveness. But then it was like, okay, but
Speaker 3: then they've brought us here. We wouldn't be here if
Speaker 3: they felt it wasn't a good day to be here,
Speaker 3: or if it wasn't.
Speaker 1: That if it was as an excursion.
Speaker 3: So that's where my mind's going. But then, you know,
Speaker 3: there was nothing to give away that an eruption was
Speaker 3: going to take place, not that I know of, Not
Speaker 3: that a noise sound or a look per se, or
Speaker 3: any concern on the guides up to a guide's eyes
Speaker 3: or anything like that. You know, it didn't feel like
Speaker 3: that was going to take place, And the chance of
Speaker 3: an eruption was never brought up either, So it's not
Speaker 3: on my mind. So we had taken our photos there,
Speaker 3: one of the last and final photo opportunity, and then
Speaker 3: we were told it's time to turn back around.
Speaker 2: And we're Crystal and your dad at this point in
Speaker 2: relation to you.
Speaker 3: So we're all traveling towards the back end of this
Speaker 3: singlephile line, and me and my dad are a few
Speaker 3: feet ahead of my sister because she's a bit further
Speaker 3: towards the back with the last tour guide practically taking
Speaker 3: a few more photos, and every so often Dad and
Speaker 3: I would turn back around just to make sure we
Speaker 3: were getting too far apart and to let her catch up.
Speaker 3: And I could see her chatting away as well, with
Speaker 3: the tour guide back there and looking like she was
Speaker 3: enjoying a nice conversation with him as well. So we
Speaker 3: were a few feet away, but still not far.
Speaker 2: And then, sorry, Marie, how is this for you to
Speaker 2: hear about this on the day?
Speaker 1: Not what I know now and listening to to Stephanie
Speaker 1: speak of it. I look at her and I know
Speaker 1: she's a miracle. She truly is a miracle. As you hear,
Speaker 1: they were at the back of the line, Yeah, that
Speaker 1: were the very last.
Speaker 2: Few And that means because you're at the back of
Speaker 2: the line, Stiff, does that mean that you were the
Speaker 2: closest to the eruption when it happened. What happened?
Speaker 3: Then, Yeah, that's right. So one of the last moments
Speaker 3: we turned back around to check on Crystal again, and
Speaker 3: it was only then that we had saw some dark
Speaker 3: row clouds coming out from the crater, coming out from
Speaker 3: where we just were a few minutes ago. And we
Speaker 3: didn't know that that was the beginning of an eruption,
Speaker 3: because there were clouds rising anyway, they were just a
Speaker 3: different color, yes, But so my dad's first thought was,
Speaker 3: you know, take a picture, you know, look at this,
Speaker 3: what's happening, not realizing that it's coming towards us. It
Speaker 3: doesn't look like that. It looks like it's just rising
Speaker 3: up and down. And then we heard someone from a
Speaker 3: distance as we were taking a photo quickly, and other
Speaker 3: people were stopping because they started to notice as well,
Speaker 3: the word run. And then that's when it's so someone yelled,
Speaker 3: someone yelled run from the very very beginning of the
Speaker 3: front of the line, which I presume was the tour guide.
Speaker 1: Who knew what was happening.
Speaker 3: Because even we had a tour guide at the back
Speaker 3: with us as well, and they were just staring at
Speaker 3: it with us as well in awe. So then the
Speaker 3: seriousness kicked in and Dad. You know, it's just seconds.
Speaker 3: Dad's repeatedly repeating the same words, run, run, run, and
Speaker 3: I just remember turning around and sprinting. You know, I'm
Speaker 3: thinking to myself, we're going to get hit with lava.
Speaker 3: That's my thought, because I didn't know what this volcano was, like,
Speaker 3: I just knew what I knew from movies or past
Speaker 3: things I had seen. And we're not going to make
Speaker 3: it if that's the case. So that's my line of thinking.
Speaker 3: So I was just very much focused on my feet
Speaker 3: and not tripping and falling.
Speaker 1: Over on the uneven that's right.
Speaker 3: It's a very rocky uneven surface. Yeah, And I was
Speaker 3: worried if I'd fallen, I wouldn't be able to get
Speaker 3: up again. And I could hear my dad and my
Speaker 3: sister not far behind me, so I knew they were
Speaker 3: right behind me, but I also scared to turn around
Speaker 3: also running. Everyone was running, but I had lost sight
Speaker 3: of everyone because I was so focused on the ground
Speaker 3: and not tripping, whilst also trying to put on this
Speaker 3: gas mask that we were provided right that no one
Speaker 3: was wearing at the time, because we weren't told that
Speaker 3: we had to wear this thing. At any point. It
Speaker 3: was as you needed right, so no one had their
Speaker 3: on so that was my main focus. And it feels
Speaker 3: like there's a lot of time making these decisions.
Speaker 2: But within split second, twenty.
Speaker 3: Seconds or so of running, we were hit.
Speaker 2: And when you say hit, is it a blast is
Speaker 2: it a it's.
Speaker 3: A huge knock you down for just a force, something
Speaker 3: hitting you from behind like it could have been a vehicle,
Speaker 3: a train, just something that you could not stop. It
Speaker 3: pushed me down and it held me down, you know,
Speaker 3: it was rolling. I couldn't fight it. And then at
Speaker 3: the same time, while this thing is shoving me around
Speaker 3: and pushing me down with such force, you know, I'm
Speaker 3: being burnt alive, really.
Speaker 1: Ash, You're you're falling into.
Speaker 3: Ash yep, vision gone, sight, sound gone. You know it's
Speaker 3: so loud at this point because you're in it, in
Speaker 3: the middle of it, in the midst of it. You're
Speaker 3: getting pummeled with just this huge, overbearing heat, but also
Speaker 3: little stones, rocks, things hitting you at the same time.
Speaker 3: That's also stinging on top of the burns itself. Whilst
Speaker 3: being shoved around on rocks and trying to you know,
Speaker 3: of course, my thinking is you've got to keep your
Speaker 3: eyes closed. You've got to not breathe, hold on to
Speaker 3: your keep your mouth closed. But it's very hard to
Speaker 3: do when you're fighting for your life and you know,
Speaker 3: you just want to scream because of the pain that
Speaker 3: you're in.
Speaker 1: And then you can hear your dad.
Speaker 3: I couldn't really hear anyone at that point. I think
Speaker 3: once I was hit, just the sound of the eruption itself,
Speaker 3: like a collapsed building or something like that.
Speaker 1: And how long did that last?
Speaker 3: I'm it felt like ages, but I think it was.
Speaker 3: It lasted maybe for like a minute or so for us.
Speaker 3: I think because we were at the back and our
Speaker 3: group was the most inland and closest to the crater,
Speaker 3: we were in that pyroclassic flow longer than other people.
Speaker 2: So I didn't understand this either until I was reading
Speaker 2: what You Shard in the book. So what was hitting
Speaker 2: was acid, heat and acid and rocks.
Speaker 1: You could have got a massive rock ten times the
Speaker 1: size of your head, or you could have got small rocks, right,
Speaker 1: and there were thousand degrees in heat, and so then
Speaker 1: you're lying in the midst of the burning earth and
Speaker 1: ash and debris.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm I didn't think i'd survive just being in
Speaker 3: that paraclassic fly as it was happening. So once it
Speaker 3: finally stopped, I thought that was a miracle in itself. Yes,
Speaker 3: because I didn't think that would happen. I didn't think
Speaker 3: it would end, So it suddenly stopped, and it's just like, okay,
Speaker 3: now what And my first train of thought is I've
Speaker 3: got to get out of here. I cannot believe this
Speaker 3: has happened. It's so unbelievable. I cannot believe this has
Speaker 3: just happened. What are the chances and why?
Speaker 4: Why? Else?
Speaker 3: But I can't stay here if I'm alive now, I
Speaker 3: need to stay alive. And I instantly Mum's coming to
Speaker 3: my mind because she had always done her best in
Speaker 3: all to protect us from everything in life. She was strict,
Speaker 3: not for bad reasons, for good reasons, because she cared
Speaker 3: and loved us and didn't want us to ever get hurt.
Speaker 3: So Mum's coming to my mind because I know this
Speaker 3: is like the worst thing. Could it happen. It's our
Speaker 3: fear come true, her fear come true.
Speaker 2: And is a part of you thinking, oh my god,
Speaker 2: when I get back to the boat, I have to
Speaker 2: like Mum will be furious about this or were you
Speaker 2: thinking at this point.
Speaker 3: Partially it was just I need to stay alive to
Speaker 3: get to Mum right because she won't I don't know
Speaker 3: if she would make it is happening to us. But also, yeah,
Speaker 3: there's a little bit of you know, she'd warn us
Speaker 3: the whole lives to be careful and everything like that,
Speaker 3: and then this has happened, and a bit of both.
Speaker 3: But then so my thought is I have to get up,
Speaker 3: you know, I can't stay here. Staying here is a
Speaker 3: death is going to lead to death. So that's what
Speaker 3: I did. I attempted to get up so that I
Speaker 3: could get away and make it to the shore to
Speaker 3: where the jet boat had dropped us off to be seen.
Speaker 3: And I couldn't see anyone around me. I was alone
Speaker 3: at that point in time. And after a few goes,
Speaker 3: I did manage to get up and drag myself because
Speaker 3: I couldn't. I didn't have the energy to walk or
Speaker 3: take steps. I had to drag my feet through the
Speaker 3: burning hot ground, through the ash that was now you know,
Speaker 3: at ankle at reaching my ankles, and then what felt
Speaker 3: like forever, I then ended up landing. I fell down
Speaker 3: a little Mound Hill, and I remember landing among a
Speaker 3: group of people, and it was the first time I'd
Speaker 3: seen anyone since since the eruption had taken place, and
Speaker 3: I was just taking in who was around, trying to
Speaker 3: receive if Dad and Crystal were there, and they weren't,
Speaker 3: and I just remember thinking, I hope they're okay. I
Speaker 3: hope they're somewhere nearby, and I'm not far. But then
Speaker 3: I realized at that point that I couldn't get back up.
Speaker 3: Once I had fallen back down, I couldn't get back up.
Speaker 1: I was stuck there.
Speaker 3: And then my main focus was to just stay conscious,
Speaker 3: to stay awake, right, yes, because rescue would come.
Speaker 2: Well, this is the other part of this tragedy of errors,
Speaker 2: is it's a natural presumption that help will come. Such
Speaker 2: a catastrophic happening, help will come. But help wasn't coming
Speaker 2: unbeknownst to you obviously, you know you find this out later.
Speaker 2: But the actual rescue helicopter had been had decided not
Speaker 2: to come because it was too dangerous. So you're there
Speaker 2: with the other injured.
Speaker 3: For an hour, yeah, over an hour.
Speaker 2: Over an hour, that's and three guys. And I say guys,
Speaker 2: because that I want to say normal, but they're the
Speaker 2: most extraordinary people.
Speaker 1: That's right.
Speaker 2: They had heard what had happened, and they decided just
Speaker 2: to chop her out themselves and start helping m.
Speaker 3: Yep. I didn't know it at the time, but once
Speaker 3: they were once I heard voices on the island telling
Speaker 3: us that help is here, I just remember thinking, Okay,
Speaker 3: thank god, someone's here now, so that I can stop,
Speaker 3: so that this pain can finally ease, so that I
Speaker 3: can get out of here. I thought this hard so far.
Speaker 3: Now I've got the help to get me, help me
Speaker 3: do the rest, and just not to lapse into exactly consciousness.
Speaker 3: That would have been like a blessing. But you had
Speaker 3: to resist it. Yeah, I knew. I knew. I felt
Speaker 3: it in me that if I had closed my eyes,
Speaker 3: I wouldn't they wouldn't open again. I knew that, so
Speaker 3: I couldn't let that happen. And then these people are here,
Speaker 3: and I can hear voices finally telling us that help
Speaker 3: is here. Help is here, and then they're trying to
Speaker 3: I can hear them assessing people, and one of them
Speaker 3: comes up to me and he's rolling me over in
Speaker 3: a recovery position and trying to get the gas mask
Speaker 3: back on my face properly so that I'm not breathing
Speaker 3: in because it's ash and the airs filled with all
Speaker 3: this gases as well that we're still breathing in. So
Speaker 3: they were doing that, and then after a while, finally
Speaker 3: it was like, Okay, we're going to help you get
Speaker 3: onto the helicopter. We're going to get you off. And
Speaker 3: I just remember being so thankful, feeling some relief to
Speaker 3: be off the burning ground and to know that I
Speaker 3: was coming close to being in a hospital finally, and
Speaker 3: they placed me in a helicopter, and I think one
Speaker 3: of my first thoughts was, where's machinery, equipment, something for
Speaker 3: our injuries? But there wasn't any of that.
Speaker 2: That's when you became aware that it wasn't a medical rescue.
Speaker 3: I think subconsciously I became aware that it wasn't, But
Speaker 3: at the same time, I'm just thinking, Okay, maybe they're
Speaker 3: just in a rush, you know, I'm trying to find
Speaker 3: a reason for this, and then it's just okay, stay awake.
Speaker 3: We're nearly there. Once they had taken off. But then
Speaker 3: to find out that yeah, they were civilian, just random
Speaker 3: civilians who have to own a helicopter company themselves that
Speaker 3: had seen what it happened and heard about it and
Speaker 3: came out there to do what they did. That there
Speaker 3: are no words, because it means so much more to
Speaker 3: me than anyone could ever know, to know that they
Speaker 3: risk their lives for people that they don't know. They
Speaker 3: just did what they thought was the right thing to do.
Speaker 3: They did what they could for a fellow human being.
Speaker 2: Along the way, you, Marie and Stephanie, have encountered people
Speaker 2: like that who do who go above and beyond. The
Speaker 2: next part of this, obviously, is Marie, you finding out
Speaker 2: what's happened, which I gather was also a very complicated
Speaker 2: and chaotic chain of communication on board the boat.
Speaker 1: Barely any communication at all. I was very excited to
Speaker 1: hear my name get announced, thinking I'm getting called to reception,
Speaker 1: so they because Paul and the girls are back, and
Speaker 1: it's just an easier way for us to get together.
Speaker 1: I need to find that. There were a few people
Speaker 1: standing there and we still hadn't entered into a room
Speaker 1: where we could be spoken to for an announcement. I
Speaker 1: could hear people speaking amongst themselves in groups, and I
Speaker 1: was all by myself with a walking stick and everyone
Speaker 1: had company, and you know, and I heard I heard
Speaker 1: the word and I thought, no, this can't be true.
Speaker 1: What word eruption of volcano? I heard the word eruption?
Speaker 1: Of course not. You know, they look too happy, they're not,
Speaker 1: they don't look concerned. They're just talking amongst themselves about it.
Speaker 1: That this can't be real. So I continue to stand there.
Speaker 1: I thought, they're going to speak to us. Why are
Speaker 1: we just standing here for so long? Just standing there?
Speaker 1: And so then I called on someone and her English
Speaker 1: was very poor, and I said to her, look, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but I'm hearing whispers. Is this true? And justest that
Speaker 1: we believe? So something along those lines, and then we
Speaker 1: got taken into a very large room, look like a
Speaker 1: massive conference room, and people continued to talk in there,
Speaker 1: where I asked the questions and I said, no, this
Speaker 1: where are they now? This is they're back, right? And
Speaker 1: she said no, and I said where are all the
Speaker 1: passengers and she said, well, knife there alive. She went
Speaker 1: along the lines of more than what kind of erupted?
Speaker 1: And there's been no rescuers. They're all still there, so
Speaker 1: we don't believe any survivors. And that was how I explode. Yep,
Speaker 1: that's our casually, just from a junior person behind a
Speaker 1: reception desk that was speaking to me in broken English
Speaker 1: that could barely answer any questions of mine. As my
Speaker 1: insides exploded, I was left alone and she's talking to
Speaker 1: me about my entire family. That was my entire world,
Speaker 1: that's the whole fat, my entire existence, my purpose in life.
Speaker 1: And she's just like, oh, well, just like that. So
Speaker 1: as a mother, you could probably understand. And at that
Speaker 1: moment I died. And I remember a teenage girl walking
Speaker 1: from across the other side of the hallway and swore
Speaker 1: straight into my face with the foulst of language and
Speaker 1: time to shut the earth up. And then not even
Speaker 1: five minutes later, her elderly grandparent. I'm assuming, but they
Speaker 1: were all together. A family came up and said, excuse me,
Speaker 1: you know there are children present, can be quiet. This
Speaker 1: was my entire family, and I was told to be great. Right,
Speaker 1: So at what point did you find out that I
Speaker 1: went in for rule and Stephanie had made it to hospital.
Speaker 1: I was taken eventually back to the cabin and I
Speaker 1: was told to pack all our belongings. There was a
Speaker 1: I don't know how many people in that tiny cabin
Speaker 1: just watching me pack, and I'm just packing crystals and
Speaker 1: packing Pauls packing mine and Stephanie's and their carry bags.
Speaker 1: And I remember grabbing because we collected all the paperwork
Speaker 1: to all the excursions and all the places we visit.
Speaker 1: We always had the girls use them and cut them
Speaker 1: out in their albums, and I collected even the compass
Speaker 1: for that day. I had every single compass for every
Speaker 1: single day, including that excursion. They were zipped up into
Speaker 1: our bags, which later disappeared, so I never got them back.
Speaker 1: None of that was returned to me. I don't know why,
Speaker 1: but when we got our belongings back, that paperwork was missing,
Speaker 1: and people were watching, and I'm on the bed waiting
Speaker 1: because they kept sending it and now taking to the
Speaker 1: hospital because they believed some survivors have made it there.
Speaker 1: And I kept asking about my family, and they said
Speaker 1: they were talking in a different language. They were talking
Speaker 1: in two or three different languages, barely any English at
Speaker 1: all unless I spoke out and asked questions. And I
Speaker 1: think at this stage I was shaking, and I was trembling,
Speaker 1: and my heart rate was about one hundred and sixty
Speaker 1: and I was crying, and I kept begging and begging, please, please, anything,
Speaker 1: just any shred of information. And eventually they said, we
Speaker 1: believe a man identified himself as Paul Brower at the hospital.
Speaker 1: Now I remember, I don't know where I am. I
Speaker 1: just know that I'm in a town for Katani. That's
Speaker 1: all I know. And I saw somewhere in New Zealand,
Speaker 1: and I have no idea where I am, and I'm lost,
Speaker 1: and I'm confused and petrified. And then they I kept
Speaker 1: asking about I said, we have two daughters. What about
Speaker 1: my two daughters? I know. Half an hour later, we
Speaker 1: believe a girl also identified herself as Stephanie. Is that
Speaker 1: your daughter? I said yes? And Crystal, No, no one's
Speaker 1: identified them I said, no, I have another daughter, Crystal,
Speaker 1: And they said no, no one's identified themselves as Crystal.
Speaker 1: But you know, we're just waiting for confirmation. We're waiting
Speaker 1: for a car to come and get you. I don't
Speaker 1: know where everyone else went, or I don't know anything
Speaker 1: about anyone else in that other room because I was
Speaker 1: taking a little medical room where I kept begging for
Speaker 1: help and begging for sedation, and they took me hours
Speaker 1: and hours later they sent her a young girl. I
Speaker 1: think she said she was part of hospitality or kitchen
Speaker 1: with me in a car with an elderly gentleman that
Speaker 1: drove down this windy road for three and a half hours.
Speaker 1: And I got to a hospital and I was sat
Speaker 1: in the kitchen with no information, and I continued to ask,
Speaker 1: and they continued. They did say paula. They brought up
Speaker 1: Pauls name and Stephanie's name, but Crystal's name was never
Speaker 1: brought up. And I continue to ask about Crystal and
Speaker 1: they continue to say there's no such person. You end
Speaker 1: up in hospital in New Zealand and Paul's in hospital
Speaker 1: in New Zealand.
Speaker 2: You then get transferred to back to Australia. Daniel, Crystal's boyfriend,
Speaker 2: has volunteered to stay. I think with you, Stephanie, while
Speaker 2: you're with Paul Marie.
Speaker 1: When I was taken to the hospital, I assume my
Speaker 1: whole family were at a hospital.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Remember I don't know what hospital I was. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I wasn't in any state too. There's so much that
Speaker 1: I've just lost. I can't remember. But at that time
Speaker 1: I was in shock, as you would imagine. And they
Speaker 1: then said we've got I can't remember who I was
Speaker 1: even saw first now and I said, well, can I
Speaker 1: see them? I'm not yet they were in surgery or
Speaker 1: not yet or not yet. Eventually I saw one of
Speaker 1: them and I said, well, where are the other two?
Speaker 1: We don't know where Crystal is, but your other I
Speaker 1: can't remember. It was Paul or step was flying to
Speaker 1: a different hospital. I thought, oh my god. So I
Speaker 1: only saw one at the three and then I was
Speaker 1: flown I think the next other day after to see
Speaker 1: the other one. But by this stage I was missing.
Speaker 1: The Australian Embassy hadn't found me yet. Despite all my
Speaker 1: efforts to, you know, to identify myself and say this
Speaker 1: is my family. Paul is my husband, Stephanie is my daughter,
Speaker 1: Crystal Brow, the embassy had yet to find me. I
Speaker 1: was just somewhere. I was left in a kitchen, and
Speaker 1: then I was placed in a child's bedroom at a
Speaker 1: different hospital when I was transferred, and then I was
Speaker 1: told that oh, they flew Paul out in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night and that they were about to fly
Speaker 1: stephan yet and I needed to leave. And I remember
Speaker 1: saying I'm not going anywhere without Crystal, and I have
Speaker 1: another daughter and they kept saying, no, we have not
Speaker 1: recovered a Crystal. She's not in any hospital. But she was.
Speaker 1: She was at Fakatani, which is their first place. It
Speaker 1: was the first little hospital they were taken to before
Speaker 1: they were sent out to bigg A Hospital.
Speaker 2: And you didn't find this out till much later.
Speaker 1: Didn't find out until I was at the Alfred Hospital
Speaker 1: in Melbourne. They forced me to leave. They said you
Speaker 1: have to go because Sephanie and paul a critical, so
Speaker 1: you may miss the opportunity. You need to go there
Speaker 1: critical and.
Speaker 2: Crystal had, as it turned out, made it onto the helicopter.
Speaker 2: You found this out from the three the three angels
Speaker 2: who flew the helicopter.
Speaker 1: She was alive, That's what they told me. And you're right.
Speaker 1: They are angels. They saw smoke from the mainland and
Speaker 1: decided to contact each other and say, look, can we
Speaker 1: just fly over, what if there are people there? And
Speaker 1: they did the unthinkable, and they risked their lives, the
Speaker 1: total strangers, and they saved lives. They did what you know,
Speaker 1: rescue was supposed to do, what they were being paid
Speaker 1: to do. It's like having a fireman say sorry, I'm
Speaker 1: not going into that burning building. It's just too risky.
Speaker 1: It's good enough for a towelp apparently it's not good
Speaker 1: enough to rescue anyone from that tour. But despite all
Speaker 1: they you know, they did. They're all these heroes and
Speaker 1: when I met them, it took five long years to
Speaker 1: build the courage to go there, and they had been
Speaker 1: and I asked Crystal. They told me that Paul refused
Speaker 1: to get on the helicopter. He was dying, but he
Speaker 1: refused to get on without with that, he said, I'm
Speaker 1: not getting on unless the girls and everyone else going first.
Speaker 1: And then he went on last. And they said she
Speaker 1: was unconscious but alive, and they promised me. They sat
Speaker 1: beside Paul and that Stephanie was seated right up front,
Speaker 1: and every so often they had to push her back
Speaker 1: because she kept leaning forward, almost falling into unconsciousness. They
Speaker 1: and I asked them how long and they said the
Speaker 1: trip was about seventeen minutes to the hospital, but they
Speaker 1: don't know what happened after that. But then I was
Speaker 1: told that the hospital pronounced her unrespensive, so in that
Speaker 1: seventeen minutes, I don't know much more than that, But
Speaker 1: what you do know is that your husband Paul and
Speaker 1: Stephanie are also perilously close today. Yep. So I was
Speaker 1: forced to leave New Zealand and come back with them,
Speaker 1: and the beautiful Daniel stayed behind, my beautiful sister in
Speaker 1: or FI owner which said I'll stay behind and and see,
Speaker 1: and Daniel came back with her on the aeroplane Talomarine Airport. No,
Speaker 1: it was it Tolomraene air I can't even remember or
Speaker 1: was it? Essence? I can't. If it doesn't matter, I can't.
Speaker 1: I just can't. My head. It's just too traumatic for
Speaker 1: me to recall and revisit a lot of things. Some
Speaker 1: memories are quite vivid, others are quite vague because it's
Speaker 1: just too traumatic.
Speaker 2: But then you have to encounter another trauma a word
Speaker 2: that's overused. This is genuine trauma of watching Stephanie in
Speaker 2: hospital who's got burns to seventy percent of her body,
Speaker 2: and your husband, Paul. You're trying to navigate being with
Speaker 2: both of them, You're trying to will them both alive.
Speaker 2: And Stephanie, where are you at this point? Are you aware?
Speaker 2: Are you conscious of what's happened to you? Your bandage
Speaker 2: like a mummy?
Speaker 3: Yep?
Speaker 2: Where are you mentally or spiritually or.
Speaker 3: I was comatose for a few weeks, and then it
Speaker 3: took a few days slowly waking up before I came
Speaker 3: to fully. And the moment I was awake, I knew
Speaker 3: what had happened, but I wasn't sure where I was.
Speaker 3: Was I back home? Was I still there?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 3: So that's on my mind. And then of course it's
Speaker 3: Dad and Crystal. Are they okay? You know where am I?
Speaker 3: Are they okay? Mum's the first face I see, as
Speaker 3: well as a nurse because they have an nurse sitting
Speaker 3: in the ICU room twenty four seven. Because you're so
Speaker 3: critical and I couldn't really get a sentence out. It's
Speaker 3: just words and if you need But Mum's telling me, yep,
Speaker 3: that's okay. He's here. Crystal's okay, she's at another hospital.
Speaker 3: So in my mind, that's the best case in Harrio
Speaker 3: that we all made it back and that we were alive,
Speaker 3: because I'm thinking, come away, come here. I'm conscious, surely
Speaker 3: this is going to be okay. Now we're going to
Speaker 3: recover and be fine, not really understanding and grasping just
Speaker 3: how long this recovery is going to be and how
Speaker 3: strenuous and horrific it is, but also not realizing that
Speaker 3: we're not really out of the woods yet. So that's
Speaker 3: my first train of thought. And of course, I see
Speaker 3: you is very my memories here and there, because I'm
Speaker 3: having operations every second day.
Speaker 2: I'm predated, dated, dated, drugged.
Speaker 3: Sleeping all the time, so I know some things but
Speaker 3: not everything. So it wasn't until I was moved around
Speaker 3: Year's Eve to the Burns Unit that I was sort
Speaker 3: of more aware of my surroundings and what's going on.
Speaker 2: And so that's been like twenty something days at that point.
Speaker 3: Or yeah, nearly a month.
Speaker 2: A month later, stay with us. My conversation with Marie
Speaker 2: and Stephanie continues after this break and so your Dad's
Speaker 2: still alive at this point, Paul's still alive, but your mum, Marie,
Speaker 2: You've made the agonizing decision to let Stephanie and Paul
Speaker 2: believe that Crystal is alive because he knew.
Speaker 1: I couldn't I could possibly I couldn't possibly hurt them
Speaker 1: many more than they were hurting. They were physically broken
Speaker 1: into pieces. Then mine was shattered. The trauma that was
Speaker 1: suffering I'm taking, trying to take the weight from them
Speaker 1: as much as possible, and all I could do really
Speaker 1: was lie, and I just felt horrible doing that. And
Speaker 1: the entire time I was reminded by the staff that
Speaker 1: if I didn't do it, they would, and I remember
Speaker 1: thinking that.
Speaker 2: Was very cruel. Tell them tell the truth about that.
Speaker 1: They continued to warn me that if I didn't tell
Speaker 1: them that they would, because when they were asked questions,
Speaker 1: they weren't comfortable with not telling them. And I remember saying,
Speaker 1: that was my family and it was my place, and
Speaker 1: I will do it when I knew the time be right,
Speaker 1: that I didn't want to hurt them anymore than they
Speaker 1: were hurting. So I told Stephanie that Crystal was in
Speaker 1: a better condition than her, but just at the raw maltbour,
Speaker 1: I think, I said. And then when Paul's in and out,
Speaker 1: in and out, he really was in and out, mostly him.
Speaker 1: He asked if Stephanie was alive, and I'd say, yes,
Speaker 1: she's in the room beside you. She's doing really well.
Speaker 1: We're just waiting for you to come home to get well.
Speaker 1: And then it says Crystal alive, and I'd say, of
Speaker 1: course she is. You know, we're all just waiting for you.
Speaker 1: To get better, and Stephanie would say the same thing.
Speaker 1: I'd say, Dad's right beside you, and he really was.
Speaker 1: They were side by side in ic you you know,
Speaker 1: they couldn't see each other. Of course, there was a wall,
Speaker 1: and then the glass was too high up which was frosted,
Speaker 1: and I had posters up and photos up, so I'd
Speaker 1: like to eat one of them to keep them fighting.
Speaker 1: I was too scared. I didn't. I knew that my
Speaker 1: husband would not have wanted to go on if he
Speaker 1: thought he and I both lived for our children. He
Speaker 1: would have done because he was with her. He would
Speaker 1: have borne the brunt of that. I don't know what
Speaker 1: he knew, but I believe he knew the severity of
Speaker 1: her because they gave me mybile phone and they told
Speaker 1: me it was paulse But I knew Paul didn't have
Speaker 1: a chance of charging his mobile phone between the three
Speaker 1: of us the girls, you know, the powerpoints charge their phone,
Speaker 1: so he left his phone behind, and I had his
Speaker 1: mobile phone, so he knew it wasn't here. Son, it
Speaker 1: wasn't his, So I thought, could this be crystals? Because
Speaker 1: I knew the police had Stephanie's. So I was very eager,
Speaker 1: and it was crystals. It was shattered. It was the
Speaker 1: glass was shattered. The phone was off, and I mean
Speaker 1: the battery had gone anyway, but it was broken. So
Speaker 1: for him to have her phone with one of her
Speaker 1: ID cards in the back of the means that she
Speaker 1: dropped it. He knew, and he took put on his person.
Speaker 1: She was unconscious, but she filmed her. She filmed the
Speaker 1: whole thing. She filmed it, the whole thing, right up
Speaker 1: to her death. It was just black. All you do
Speaker 1: is all you can do is hear the cries and
Speaker 1: the screams in just title blackness, which I then Stephanie
Speaker 1: took off me because I don't think I could hear
Speaker 1: the end of that. I knew that and I have
Speaker 1: never tried too, because I heard a nervous giggle as
Speaker 1: she was running for a life. That's my babe born girl.
Speaker 1: She was a premie baby. She was one of the
Speaker 1: girls you thought you'd never be able to have. She
Speaker 1: was my premie baby, and she thrived. She was so
Speaker 1: hard working AND's so smart, so kind and generous, the
Speaker 1: most honest thing on this planet. She couldn't tell her life.
Speaker 1: She tried, So what you have now endured would reduce
Speaker 1: most people to a helpless mess. But you can't be
Speaker 1: a helpless mess because you have Stephanie Paul. When you
Speaker 1: found out that your dad was dying, which was like
Speaker 1: a month after you'd been in hospital, on the anniversary,
Speaker 1: one month for the latter, on the ninth of January,
Speaker 1: I noticed she was slipping away and I was doing
Speaker 1: like all and yelling and asking for them to take
Speaker 1: him back into you. I don't know why that took
Speaker 1: him out of ICU, and they took equipment off him
Speaker 1: when he was struggling to stay alive, and he wasn't
Speaker 1: raped properly, and he had exposed skin and I could
Speaker 1: see it and smell it and the oxygen, and he
Speaker 1: had no fluids and no bloods. They were just nothing nothing.
Speaker 1: There was nothing being replenished. And I didn't understand why
Speaker 1: he was there. And when I was talking to him
Speaker 1: and asked him about his pain threshold, he said fifteen.
Speaker 2: And he gave him what he said, one to teen
Speaker 2: and he said fifteen.
Speaker 1: And then yeah. I asked him to fight, and I
Speaker 1: said please, and he said he yelled at hell, and
Speaker 1: he tried to lift his arms, but he was weighed
Speaker 1: down and I could see his arms were but and
Speaker 1: I kept begging, and they kept saying, we've let the
Speaker 1: doctors know. The entire day was we've let the doctors know.
Speaker 1: And there wasn't anybody that dared to come into that room.
Speaker 1: People that were going in to say Stephanie would not.
Speaker 1: They were too petrified to enter his room because he
Speaker 1: was only two doors from her, and so you had
Speaker 1: to pass him, and they looked the other way. It
Speaker 1: wasn't It was pretty yeah, And so I kept begging
Speaker 1: and begging, and then at night, idiot night, not a
Speaker 1: burns doctor or anyone from there, just an emergency doctor
Speaker 1: was came up because his alarms kept going off because
Speaker 1: there's blood pressure and his heart rate were extremely dangerous levels.
Speaker 1: It wasn't looking good. And his eye one of his
Speaker 1: he was staring through me rather than at me. He
Speaker 1: was tearing through me and through the photos I was
Speaker 1: trying to show him to encourage got them to skin graft.
Speaker 1: I asked them too when he was in ICU, because
Speaker 1: it was they never switched off those lights. The lights
Speaker 1: were just when his eyelids were gone. His eyelids were
Speaker 1: slightly burst. I asked the heather Cleland, the wonderful Heather
Speaker 1: Cleland that saved Stephanie's life, if she could please grab
Speaker 1: some skin on his eyes because it was cruel. He
Speaker 1: hates the lights. He hated when I slept with the
Speaker 1: TV on, he would put a blindfold on because he
Speaker 1: hated the lights. And she did, she did. But he
Speaker 1: was quite grave at this stage, and they promised me
Speaker 1: that they would look after him, and they told me
Speaker 1: to please go home. They continued, you need to go home.
Speaker 1: And that was on the ninth of January, and on
Speaker 1: the tenth I found him in I found him back
Speaker 1: in ICU. And you knew when you saw him he
Speaker 1: was incubated again, I think, because but this time just
Speaker 1: other than from the night before. The night before, he
Speaker 1: was lucky to look like he was forty five kilos
Speaker 1: and he was a six foot man. He was a tall,
Speaker 1: tall man. And then the next day he was enormous.
Speaker 1: He was swollen and enormous, and I couldn't understand it.
Speaker 1: And I walked in and I was just so happy
Speaker 1: that they put him back into a coma because I thought,
Speaker 1: now he won't he won't feel any pain they've induced him,
Speaker 1: and he won't be in any pain, and I'll give
Speaker 1: him time to heal. And then I went up to
Speaker 1: see Stephanie, and I went back to see him. Then
Speaker 1: I went back up to Stephany. He was unconscious. I
Speaker 1: could just hear the heartbeat. All I could. He was
Speaker 1: the oxygen, the machine, the oxygen, his lungs going in
Speaker 1: and out in the heart. And then the next morning,
Speaker 1: as I was waiting for as the driver, the taxi
Speaker 1: driver that came fair became, here's my stay in my
Speaker 1: stadion and they rang and said what time are you
Speaker 1: coming in? I said, now, I'm just waiting for my
Speaker 1: left and they said, oh, his brain activity doesn't look
Speaker 1: the best. You might want to come in as soon
Speaker 1: as possible. And when I got in, instead of letting
Speaker 1: me see him, they took me straight into a meeting
Speaker 1: room and there were two mile doctors there telling me
Speaker 1: that there was no brain activity in and they couldn't
Speaker 1: give me a straight answer as to why.
Speaker 2: And then Stephanie got wheeled in to say goodbye to
Speaker 2: your dad. Yep, And you were only barely out of yeah,
Speaker 2: out of your coma and yourself.
Speaker 3: That's right, yep.
Speaker 1: I wasn't.
Speaker 3: I had been awake not long at that point, but
Speaker 3: long enough to have been told about my sister's passing,
Speaker 3: and then that's the worst news I could hear. But
Speaker 3: I'm thinking, Okay, a month later and I'm hearing things
Speaker 3: about Dad every now and then, possibility of him passing away,
Speaker 3: of anything else happening at this point doesn't cross my mind.
Speaker 3: It doesn't feel like it could bear thing. I'm thinking,
Speaker 3: if we're in hospital this long, we've made it so
Speaker 3: to have Mum and staff be present and tell me
Speaker 3: that he's on life supporting, we're going to have to
Speaker 3: let him go.
Speaker 1: Hmm it.
Speaker 3: Yep. It was shocking in every way imaginable because it
Speaker 3: didn't feel like it could be real, didn't feel like
Speaker 3: it could be a possibility. And then to hear the
Speaker 3: impossible happened in my mind. This my dad, who you know,
Speaker 3: he had always been. He's always been a soft a
Speaker 3: softy at heart, but he'd always pretend and put on
Speaker 3: a facide, you know, of being a strong person, Marcho man,
Speaker 3: a protector, a protector.
Speaker 4: And then to see him when I was taken into
Speaker 4: the room the way that he was, and after hearing
Speaker 4: him and the pain in his voice on the island
Speaker 4: that day, as well.
Speaker 3: It didn't feel right. I didn't want to see him
Speaker 3: in that way you hear him in that way. I
Speaker 3: didn't want to lose him after everything that we had
Speaker 3: already gone through losing Crystal. Yeah, it was you had
Speaker 3: to let him go, yep. And I had to see
Speaker 3: him like when that opportunity when they said to do that,
Speaker 3: I could not do that. I had to to say
Speaker 3: my goodbyes and to let him know how grateful I
Speaker 3: was for what he had done. You know, he broke
Speaker 3: he kept me alive that day when he was shouting
Speaker 3: my name, and you know, not realizing until later, but
Speaker 3: he had also made sure we got on the helicopter first.
Speaker 3: Put his kids first. And I always knew that's the
Speaker 3: type of parents we had. They always put us first
Speaker 3: in life. So that was the least I could do,
Speaker 3: was to see him and thank him and share my
Speaker 3: love with him. As emotionally traumatizing as it was to
Speaker 3: to see him that way, and to witness Mum and
Speaker 3: the way she was when she was saying her yep
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 2: And this is at this point, you're still in a
Speaker 2: perilous situation, yourself.
Speaker 3: Physically heavily bandaged and can't even I can't even kiss
Speaker 3: him or touch him properly because of the way I was.
Speaker 3: And when I found out about him as well, I
Speaker 3: was angry at myself for not seeing him before, even
Speaker 3: though I don't know how that would have worked because
Speaker 3: of the way I was and the way he was.
Speaker 3: But I felt angry at myself like I had let
Speaker 3: him down because I didn't get to see him when
Speaker 3: he was conscious.
Speaker 1: Sometimes or that was my fault. That was my fault. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't. That was my fault. I don't know
Speaker 1: how it would have been possible because I've been connected
Speaker 1: to all the wires and the screens. But that is
Speaker 1: my fault. That's not your fault. That was me. That's
Speaker 1: just how it is. That was me, but more wanting
Speaker 1: you to see him in that statele for him to
Speaker 1: see you in that state.
Speaker 2: But also it may not have been possible. It doesn't
Speaker 2: seem like it was physically possible, and also like the
Speaker 2: hospital would have been able to facilitate that, because then
Speaker 2: your focus has to change to literally keeping Stephanie alive.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: And even when Stephanie was awake, she did us, she
Speaker 1: didn't to see him. How could I if Paul had
Speaker 1: seen Stephanie in that state, yes, that would have been
Speaker 1: the end of him, in that very moment. He would
Speaker 1: have had a heart take. Yes. And remember I'm lying
Speaker 1: at this stage still Stephanie and telling her that a
Speaker 1: dad is recovering. Well, yes, I'm saying to one of her, yes,
Speaker 1: going they weren't. Neither one was doing well. And even
Speaker 1: when Stephanie went into the Burns unit upstairs, I was
Speaker 1: constantly reminded that she was still in a very very
Speaker 1: precarious situation, that there was no promise of her life.
Speaker 2: You know, I said earlier that it's a tale about
Speaker 2: mother's love. Well, that's the hard part of it that
Speaker 2: you took on. That's the hardest thing.
Speaker 1: That you could do. But you did it because you
Speaker 1: knew that it was the right thing to do to
Speaker 1: help Stephanie. I didn't have any choice. I had to
Speaker 1: fight for them and advocate kareher, and I had to
Speaker 1: take the brunt of all of it to pretend. I
Speaker 1: hope I was protecting I was trying my best to
Speaker 1: protect them their entire life. I did might want to
Speaker 1: protect them. Maybe I was a little over protective. I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I was proud of the fact that
Speaker 1: they were doing well in life and no healthy and
Speaker 1: then this happens. I don't understand. I can't fathom it.
Speaker 1: I just I just I still haven't accepted a lot of.
Speaker 2: Day in the book, we ran out of luck.
Speaker 1: Because I felt so lucky to have had my own
Speaker 1: family and a beautiful husband and children, a dedicated a
Speaker 1: father and family man that preferred the company of his
Speaker 1: own family then going to the footy or the cricket
Speaker 1: or the golf and I would have to force him
Speaker 1: out of the house and go, go away, go play
Speaker 1: some cricket.
Speaker 2: But all of this was through no fault of your
Speaker 2: own and Stephanie, Stephanie's suffering, which was that in itself
Speaker 2: is an extraordinary story of your spirit and your will prevailing,
Speaker 2: but that your mum also took on when you had
Speaker 2: to have eight of your fingers amputated.
Speaker 1: That your mom once.
Speaker 2: Again was like, she has to hear this from me,
Speaker 2: That you never took the path of letting you know,
Speaker 2: doctors break these terrible news. That you were always like,
Speaker 2: I will tell her.
Speaker 1: I didn't want her to break because I remember, this
Speaker 1: is my child that has very naive and innocent, and
Speaker 1: she was thrown into a situation where this is your
Speaker 1: worst nightmare, this is what nightmares are made of. And
Speaker 1: I thought, she's not going to You can't have a
Speaker 1: stranger to say this. She's psychologically she will not take
Speaker 1: well to this. I'm going to lose her, and I
Speaker 1: almost did after fingers were amputato and that was needed
Speaker 1: to come from me.
Speaker 2: Yes, when when you first saw your unwrapped body, which
Speaker 2: was six months maybe was it?
Speaker 3: No, No, it was I'd say about two months months
Speaker 3: towards the end of February. They felt that I was.
Speaker 3: They thought I'd be able to get through the dressing changes,
Speaker 3: which were done previously under sedation.
Speaker 2: This whole time, I was so agonized.
Speaker 3: They're one of the worst parts of the recovery. They
Speaker 3: thought I'd be able to tolerate it whilst awake, but
Speaker 3: with strong medic pain medication, and I just thought, if
Speaker 3: they're telling me that I should give it a go,
Speaker 3: I guess I can give it a go. But that
Speaker 3: meant also seeing my body unwrapped for the first the
Speaker 3: first time, because under sedation they'd unwrap me and wrapped
Speaker 3: me back up. By the time I'm awake again, So
Speaker 3: that was the first first time when they took me
Speaker 3: in to do that, that I saw my body, and
Speaker 3: it was very conflicting and confusing, and a lot of
Speaker 3: emotions were We're going on inside my brain, you know,
Speaker 3: I'm seeing my skin and it's black in some areas,
Speaker 3: and I'm thinking to myself, is this necrotic? And my
Speaker 3: legs can't falling off of they dead? And then they're
Speaker 3: having to explain to me, no, no, no, that it's
Speaker 3: this silver material that we're using and it's stained your
Speaker 3: skin gray. And then I'm looking at my fingers that
Speaker 3: have been amputated, and I'm seeing all these stitches and
Speaker 3: it just looks in my eyes, it looks horrible, looks horrendous.
Speaker 3: It's ugly to look at, and I'm thinking, how these
Speaker 3: fingers are gonna heal? They look disgusting. There's like a
Speaker 3: skin patch here, a skin patch there, And they're telling
Speaker 3: me it's still early days, you.
Speaker 4: Know, you.
Speaker 3: Had point my body was the first part that i'd seen.
Speaker 1: It was not wanting you to see your face or
Speaker 1: her face, So your face in New Zealand, I walked
Speaker 1: into a room and she was just laying on a
Speaker 1: silver metal table like they have a cadabra. She's laying there, unconscious, flat,
Speaker 1: and I looked at her face and I that as
Speaker 1: part of your ear was chopped, and she had dark
Speaker 1: skin here and a patch there, and it looks like
Speaker 1: she was somebody had sewn and put together in a quilt,
Speaker 1: and blood here and blood there, and wall sticking out,
Speaker 1: and your eyes looked like they were glued together. They
Speaker 1: I don't know what they had. And I thought, my
Speaker 1: man here on my own and I remember screaming, you
Speaker 1: know that, because nobody was sort of holding me up.
Speaker 1: And then I walked out and I I just couldn't
Speaker 1: believe it. I thought, no, this is just not goot
Speaker 1: to make it. This is not my child. And she
Speaker 1: was swollen, that was so swollen, and I thought, there's
Speaker 1: no way known Stephanie would want to live like this.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize that. Progress look look at it today
Speaker 1: and I think the grit this girl hats, the determination,
Speaker 1: her determination. I don't know if it's stemmed from the
Speaker 1: love she has for life or me. I don't know
Speaker 1: if she says incredible. In fact, you said something I
Speaker 1: love in this book and it's really simple, but it's
Speaker 1: just so perfect, it says where you're talking about what
Speaker 1: you can endure, and you say, I learned something new
Speaker 1: about myself almost every day in hospital, not just how
Speaker 1: amazing my body was and how it functioned in ways
Speaker 1: I never imagined, but also the power of the mind.
Speaker 1: Body strength is one thing, but the strength that comes
Speaker 1: from your soul is a superpower waiting to be tapped.
Speaker 3: Yep, it's true.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 3: You don't realize it until you have to through it,
Speaker 3: until you're forced to find it. But when you need it,
Speaker 3: it's there in your mind, in your body. And you know,
Speaker 3: looking back when I see photos of myself at the
Speaker 3: beginning in my comra and just hearing about my injuries
Speaker 3: and what the surgeons thought when they saw me, and
Speaker 3: then seeing where I am today and what I've had
Speaker 3: to go through, I know it's remarkable.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 3: It's something I look at myself and I think to myself,
Speaker 3: it's stuff that I shouldn't have survived, or it's very
Speaker 3: odd to see how far the skin has come from
Speaker 3: what it looked like on day one. It's just I
Speaker 3: would have never believed it if I hadn't seen these
Speaker 3: photos or heard what I and knew what I knew
Speaker 3: about my injuries and understood so to know that the
Speaker 3: body can actually endure that and come out the other side.
Speaker 3: But you know that's through all of the help of
Speaker 3: the pilots who rescued me, the surgeons, the physiotherapists, every
Speaker 3: single the nurses, everyone. But then I have to remind
Speaker 3: myself because people are always telling me how strong I am,
Speaker 3: how stronger I am, and it's like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I just dive it. I had to. But then I
Speaker 3: sometimes I do sit back and I think to myself, No, Stephanie,
Speaker 3: you need to give yourself some more credit, because there
Speaker 3: were so many moments where you wanted to give up.
Speaker 3: There were so many days where I was just screaming,
Speaker 3: and I was needing top ups of medication just to
Speaker 3: be touched, and I had Mum in tears because I'm
Speaker 3: in tears screaming and yelling at everyone not to touch me.
Speaker 3: You know, there were so many horrible days like that.
Speaker 3: But I made the choice to keep fighting. There were
Speaker 3: choices made, whether I realized it or not at the time.
Speaker 3: I could have given up and just stayed in that state,
Speaker 3: but I chose to continue on. I chose to do
Speaker 3: the recovery. I chose to get through the therapy sessions,
Speaker 3: so I have to remind myself sometimes yes, of that
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: It is a choice despite if it wasn't for the staff,
Speaker 1: the incredible surgeons and the nursing and the specialists and
Speaker 1: the heroes and everyone in between. You know, the body
Speaker 1: is an amazing thing. The human body is an amazing thing,
Speaker 1: and how it heals and now.
Speaker 2: In tandem with the spirit. But that's what I say.
Speaker 1: But if we don't have that connection and the mind
Speaker 1: is not at play, there is no way known she
Speaker 1: would have survived. She had bad days, Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: She had days where she did want to give up,
Speaker 1: and she questioned, of course, she questioned her her future,
Speaker 1: and she questioned her life and asked why she also
Speaker 1: has this? She lived with guilt, Why me? Why did
Speaker 1: I survive? Why aren't they here? I don't want to
Speaker 1: go on anymore? And what sort of a life am
Speaker 1: I going to have? What's the point. These were the
Speaker 1: days that she was reminded of her value of a spirit.
Speaker 1: And every day I told of the one thing morning
Speaker 1: and night, and that giving up. And there were even
Speaker 1: posters at home. It was all over the fridge, all
Speaker 1: over the walls. Giving up is not a choice. Giving
Speaker 1: up it was never I made sure she knew it
Speaker 1: was never a choice.
Speaker 2: But also it was not a choice for you, because Marie.
Speaker 2: If Stephanie had given up, where would you be? I
Speaker 2: almost did because I saw my child. When you see
Speaker 2: a child returned to you in the way she was returned,
Speaker 2: you die. I don't see colors anyway, and you see
Speaker 2: gray now. And it doesn't matter what people say. You
Speaker 2: don't hear from losing a child. Some people are braver
Speaker 2: than I am. Perhaps I don't know, but time has
Speaker 2: not helped me in that respect. And then to watch
Speaker 2: your husband suffered a death and the screaming, it's just
Speaker 2: it's just too traumatic for the mind. Sometimes it breaks you.
Speaker 1: But when I've got when I thought about Stephanie and thought,
Speaker 1: what if she does survive, I'm not leaving my child
Speaker 1: here on her own. The love I have for family
Speaker 1: is far greater than any pain that I felt. And
Speaker 1: that was the Thing's The love I have for family
Speaker 1: is far greater than any pain I could have felt.
Speaker 1: So I had to put myself last. I always put
Speaker 1: myself last. I was never considered I never considered myself.
Speaker 1: I never fed myself, I never took care of myself
Speaker 1: because I was no longer important. My priority was to
Speaker 1: make sure for each of one of them was taken
Speaker 1: care of till the very end. And I you know,
Speaker 1: somebody said to me, you're you're so brave. We don't
Speaker 1: know where you get your strength, and you know you're
Speaker 1: where you know. I was like, well, I'm not. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I don't have strength. Strength found me. I didn't find strength.
Speaker 1: Strength found me. It found me when I needed it
Speaker 1: to survive. And I had to survive to help Stepney
Speaker 1: subvibe because I knew she wouldn't want to be here
Speaker 1: without me.
Speaker 3: I don't know where I would be today if I
Speaker 3: didn't have my mum by my side throughout all of it.
Speaker 3: I needed her, you know, I would. She'd be with
Speaker 3: me practically all the time. But it didn't matter. The
Speaker 3: moment she left, just to go to bed at night,
Speaker 3: just to go home, just for the night, I would
Speaker 3: cry and begar not to leave, and it'd be like,
Speaker 3: please come back, please come back. That's how much I
Speaker 3: relied on her support and just her presence, and she
Speaker 3: was there every single day, no matter what.
Speaker 1: And when she came home things changed too. I didn't
Speaker 1: want her to know the truth of the shock of
Speaker 1: what the help home was, that the home had gone.
Speaker 1: There was no longer home. It was just a It
Speaker 1: was just a dark house, got the blinds down, and
Speaker 1: there was nothing your dog about her. He had the
Speaker 1: dog six months is only six months old. When he
Speaker 1: was a surprise, because I've been we'd lost a collie
Speaker 1: not long before, and the girls that his suffering was
Speaker 1: quite tremendous, and it wasn't. It was something that was
Speaker 1: fixed in crystals and stuff and his memories. And I thought,
Speaker 1: what do I do? And somebody said, we'll get him
Speaker 1: another colleague as soon as you can. It will help
Speaker 1: heal their hearts and so forth. So we had already
Speaker 1: organized this holiday and paid for it, and then came
Speaker 1: the collie, and I thought, oh goodness, because the last
Speaker 1: thing I wanted to do was put a six month
Speaker 1: old popular kennel. But I had no choice. As I said,
Speaker 1: he was a surprise, and I did fight for him.
Speaker 1: Is the best thing that's ever happened to us. He
Speaker 1: certainly saved my life. But he knew there was a
Speaker 1: difference in him. I thought, I saw his spirit fade away.
Speaker 1: He used to talk to us, didn't he He'd talk
Speaker 1: and how like a like a husky and tell usoft
Speaker 1: and he was so playful. And then each day when
Speaker 1: I got home, he became very depressed, so much so
Speaker 1: that he ended up in hospital three times himself. Oh,
Speaker 1: he was very depressed. He got very, very sick because
Speaker 1: he slept in Crystal's room. And I think Crystal and
Speaker 1: Dad were more his person than we were. And they
Speaker 1: soiled him. Yeah, they spoiled him rotten. Crystal bought him
Speaker 1: a toy every three or four days. He was the
Speaker 1: most spoiled and still is the most spoiled baby. But
Speaker 1: he saved my life because one day I went home
Speaker 1: when Paul had passed, and then I was told that
Speaker 1: Stephanie probably wasn't likely to make it either. And I
Speaker 1: lived in lines were down, the doors were closed. I
Speaker 1: was too scared to go into my bedroom or into
Speaker 1: my cupboard, scared to enter Crystal's room that would just flowers,
Speaker 1: candles and cards everywhere. And I had no one at
Speaker 1: the house. There was nothing. All I had this coffee
Speaker 1: and a jar of jam that I took my medication,
Speaker 1: and I said goodbye to God, my God. I remember
Speaker 1: looking up thinking, how could you be so cruel? We
Speaker 1: begged he went there, and then I got a phone.
Speaker 1: After the Arlo barked me and looked up at me,
Speaker 1: and I just looked at me and wrapped himself around
Speaker 1: my legs and he jumped up, and I thought, but then,
Speaker 1: what will happened to you? And I cried. I remember
Speaker 1: falling to the tires in the middle of a hallway
Speaker 1: while people were knocking on the door, and it was
Speaker 1: the media. The media were just knocking on the draw
Speaker 1: and the phone was ringing, and that too was the media.
Speaker 1: And I just kept crying and screaming and holding my
Speaker 1: ears because I thought, how do I escape? Because I
Speaker 1: just wanted to get to hospital. But then I lost
Speaker 1: sight there for a moment and almost took my life.
Speaker 1: And if it wasn't for Lah, it wouldn't be here today.
Speaker 1: It reminded me that he too needed me.
Speaker 2: The strength of both of you is quite remarkable, and
Speaker 2: the people that you have attracted to yourselves because of
Speaker 2: your strength and the beauty of your spirit. And I'm
Speaker 2: very happy that your court case, the prolonged and protracted
Speaker 2: and brutal court case with Royal Caribbean was settled in
Speaker 2: your favor obviously. Do you feel like I know that
Speaker 2: you have come to love yourself against stef.
Speaker 1: What do you.
Speaker 2: Dream of, think of wish for for the future.
Speaker 3: I want a family of my own. That's incredibly important
Speaker 3: to me because of how much I valued us and
Speaker 3: the memories we made and shared. I want to be
Speaker 3: able to pass that on and crept my own family.
Speaker 3: But I I just want to live a very fulfilled life.
Speaker 3: I want to make the most of it because I
Speaker 3: know how close I was to losing it, and my
Speaker 3: dad and sister did lose their lives. They deserve to
Speaker 3: be here still, and I don't want to let them down.
Speaker 3: So I just I just want to live a life
Speaker 3: where I can help other people and make a difference
Speaker 3: and just pass on stuff that I've learned myself after
Speaker 3: what I've had to endure.
Speaker 1: I think this is already making a difference.
Speaker 3: I hope.
Speaker 1: Sorry, don't you think as a mother watching her evolve
Speaker 1: and grow and find herself again and accept her self
Speaker 1: for who she is, and the beauty of watching that
Speaker 1: is just extraordinary. And we were an ordinary family. It's
Speaker 1: thrown into you know, an extraordinary predicament, and she just
Speaker 1: wants to be ordinary again. She wants to have an
Speaker 1: ordinary family, but on the same token make a difference
Speaker 1: to body positivity. Through her experience, she can honestly say,
Speaker 1: you know, when she says burn survivor, she doesn't mean
Speaker 1: burn survivor. She's a survivor of a volcano, not just
Speaker 1: a burn. I know that she is quite freely at
Speaker 1: the moment, which almost diminishes. You know, that's not without
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not trying, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Because I learned from the book the nature of the
Speaker 2: burns are very different, very much, and normal burons that
Speaker 2: the acid.
Speaker 1: Continues to burn continus.
Speaker 2: Doctors had to keep taking tissue and tissue so.
Speaker 1: An unbandage and there'd be you know, so I had
Speaker 1: it that it went really well. Bart and then two
Speaker 1: because she was having surgery. Both of them were having surgery.
Speaker 1: You know, they say twenty in the book, it's not twenty.
Speaker 1: She was having surgeries every second day. Both of them
Speaker 1: were having surgeries every second day. And on the day
Speaker 1: they weren't, they were in a hyperbartic chamber for hours
Speaker 1: and it was just and then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you're talking about people who have boons.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, And that's when I was told. Because we
Speaker 1: had meetings every Tuesday, which I tried to avoid because
Speaker 1: I found the truth too hard to bear. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to run in. I just couldn't get that fast enough.
Speaker 1: I couldn't breathe just about like the oxygen mistaken. I
Speaker 1: needed to physically see them. And remember, I can't even
Speaker 1: touch them. I can't kiss them, I can't hold their hands,
Speaker 1: can't do anything, just talk and all you want to
Speaker 1: do is hold them, and you can't, not even a touch,
Speaker 1: and I was reminded of their fragility, so I couldn't
Speaker 1: but I just wanted. I was so eager to get
Speaker 1: to them rather than be in a meeting. And I
Speaker 1: knew the meeting was never good news. It was never
Speaker 1: good news. And I remember one Tuesday, I was told
Speaker 1: that even though that grafted, the grafts came off, the
Speaker 1: graphs did take and I never understood why. And they said, well,
Speaker 1: every time we take the bandages of, we have to
Speaker 1: keep cutting again because it's still it's still it's still
Speaker 1: the acid is still going, it's still eating the flesh away,
Speaker 1: and it's still and I kept saying, well, don't touch
Speaker 1: her hands. You know they will grow back, skin grows.
Speaker 1: Give it a chance. No, no, no, Marina said, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you are not touching her hands. You promised me you
Speaker 1: would wait, because I didn't. I didn't know, I've never
Speaker 1: I didn't see the photos at that stage. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I kept saying, but skin grows, give this chance, give
Speaker 1: us fingers a chance to heal, because I didn't think
Speaker 1: that she would cope. If you know, but not only
Speaker 1: is she coping, she's thriving because she's got this positive attitude.
Speaker 1: She doesn't ever complain. When she came home.
Speaker 2: She did because she hated herself. She hated what when she.
Speaker 1: Looked in the mirror, which I did my all to
Speaker 1: hide from her in hospital. The first thing I did
Speaker 1: when I entered the room was looked for a mirror,
Speaker 1: and the last thing I did when I left was
Speaker 1: make sure there was no mirror because I thought, I
Speaker 1: don't want her yes to confront what she said was
Speaker 1: to confront you. I didn't want to see anything. I thought,
Speaker 1: give it some more time, it will get better. But so, yeah,
Speaker 1: so you know, to see her go from that to
Speaker 1: where she is today, she's beautiful, credible, And she did
Speaker 1: complain then, but she doesn't. She's never complained since. She
Speaker 1: just because she that was the that was the fight,
Speaker 1: that was the fight she had to overcome. She overcame it,
Speaker 1: and she did it and now she's as she looks
Speaker 1: at her cars differently. They tell a story of her survival.
Speaker 1: They tell a story of her journey. They tell a
Speaker 1: story of her grit. And you know, she says, I've
Speaker 1: got you to thank for that, because you, you know,
Speaker 1: you inspired me, you inspired my fight. But no, I
Speaker 1: think she did it all by herself. But she doesn't
Speaker 1: think that she extraordinary.
Speaker 2: You are extraordinary. That's not even kind reminded of to repeat,
Speaker 2: who I meant a lot to you?
Speaker 3: That's right, yep.
Speaker 2: And her partner said, people talk about going through hell,
Speaker 2: but Teria went to hell and hell spat her out.
Speaker 3: Yes, that's exactly right, and hell spat you out. She
Speaker 3: inspired me in so many ways. The same with her
Speaker 3: her friend Kate, who was a part of the same bushfire.
Speaker 3: And you know, to have someone like her out there
Speaker 3: online for me to see, you know how fast she
Speaker 3: has come from her own injuries, which I know were
Speaker 3: just as awful that really gave me an extra layer
Speaker 3: of fight to get to where I am today, and
Speaker 3: so I felt it was just as important for me
Speaker 3: to do what she did, which was to share her story,
Speaker 3: speak up and help other people by bringing awareness, but
Speaker 3: also you know, by giving people insight into who she is,
Speaker 3: just who she is today, an everyday person, her life's real,
Speaker 3: her family. She's showing people that it's possible to live
Speaker 3: an ordinary life after going through something so extraordinary, and
Speaker 3: that's what motivated me, I think also to speak out
Speaker 3: and share myself, my story and my recovery online. And
Speaker 3: you know, at the time, I was a bit iffy
Speaker 3: about doing so, because you know, I'm opening up and
Speaker 3: sharing things that I wasn't feeling great about myself. I
Speaker 3: wasn't even sure I was in the right headspace. But
Speaker 3: I pushed myself to do it, and I'm glad I
Speaker 3: have because it helped me as well mentally recover. I
Speaker 3: didn't realize it at the time, but by sharing and
Speaker 3: with my dark sense of humor sometimes which I get
Speaker 3: from my dad, I don't think I would be where
Speaker 3: I am today, but to hear how it's helped other
Speaker 3: people to inspire some fight to get through hardships for
Speaker 3: other people, but also to see other people and read
Speaker 3: messages about people getting through and overcoming their own body
Speaker 3: issues with their own body, their skin, their looks, disabilities,
Speaker 3: and how it's had a positive impact on them. Just
Speaker 3: being who I am, just sharing stupid things, sometimes funny things,
Speaker 3: you know. I look back at some of the videos
Speaker 3: and nar a bit I feel a bit cringe and
Speaker 3: I'm like, no.
Speaker 2: But that's always the way.
Speaker 3: I'm grateful, and I'm grateful to all the people who
Speaker 3: have supported me along the way. Whether they've realized it
Speaker 3: as well, the community means so much to me, and
Speaker 3: they've helped me as much as they say I've helped them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh brow, it's Stephanie, Marie. I cannot thank you
Speaker 2: enough for sharing yourselves with us. I wish you every happiness.
Speaker 2: I hope, I hope that comes in a form. Think
Speaker 2: what stayed with me after my meeting with his mother
Speaker 2: and daughter wasn't only the scale of what this family
Speaker 2: has lost, but the extraordinary tenderness between them, the way
Speaker 2: they carried each other through something almost impossible to comprehend,
Speaker 2: and also somehow the humor they've managed to hold on
Speaker 2: to alongside all of that grief. Stephanie often speaks about
Speaker 2: wanting peace, and I think that's what moved me most
Speaker 2: listening to her, not just her survival, but the life
Speaker 2: she's slowly rebuilt afterwards. In a body and a world
Speaker 2: changed forever Today, Stephanie has become a powerful advocate for
Speaker 2: burn survivors and body acceptance, sharing her journey publicly with
Speaker 2: hundreds of thousands of people around the world. Stephanie and
Speaker 2: Marie's memoir is called Out of the Ashes, and it's
Speaker 2: out now. If you like to hear more conversations like
Speaker 2: this one, follow no Filter wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2: I'm Kate Lanebrook and I'll be back next Monday with
Speaker 2: another unforgettable interview.