1 00:00:11,149 --> 00:00:13,909 Speaker 1: You're listening to a Muma Mia podcast. 2 00:00:14,829 --> 00:00:18,349 Speaker 2: MoMA Maya acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:18,349 --> 00:00:20,069 Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on. 4 00:00:20,269 --> 00:00:20,589 Speaker 1: Hello. 5 00:00:20,749 --> 00:00:23,269 Speaker 3: I'm Stacy Hicks. I'm the editor of MMA MIA and 6 00:00:23,269 --> 00:00:26,149 Speaker 3: I'm also the host of our new parenting podcast, Parenting 7 00:00:26,149 --> 00:00:29,229 Speaker 3: out Loud. And this summer, we're curating your listening with 8 00:00:29,309 --> 00:00:33,069 Speaker 3: a healthy dose of culture savvy conversations that parents actually want. 9 00:00:33,509 --> 00:00:36,709 Speaker 3: This holiday season, We're bringing you unmissable episodes right here 10 00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:40,309 Speaker 3: into your podcast playlist. It's your summer listening sorted. And 11 00:00:40,349 --> 00:00:42,429 Speaker 3: if you're looking for more to listen to, every Muma 12 00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:45,669 Speaker 3: Mia podcast is curating some are listening right across the network, 13 00:00:45,869 --> 00:00:49,709 Speaker 3: from pop culture to beauty to powerful interviews. There's something 14 00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:51,629 Speaker 3: for everyone. There's a link in the show notes. 15 00:00:58,669 --> 00:01:02,469 Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to Parenting out Loud. I am Jesse Stevens, 16 00:01:02,509 --> 00:01:06,189 Speaker 2: and I am joined by Amelia Lester Hi Jesse, Hello, 17 00:01:06,429 --> 00:01:08,989 Speaker 2: and mom and MIAs Deputy editor Stacy Hick. 18 00:01:09,029 --> 00:01:09,349 Speaker 1: Hello. 19 00:01:10,109 --> 00:01:12,909 Speaker 2: We talk about some of the stories that dominated the week, 20 00:01:13,069 --> 00:01:16,309 Speaker 2: because if parents are thinking about it, we're talking about 21 00:01:16,309 --> 00:01:19,949 Speaker 2: it on today's show. Sleep separation could be the secret 22 00:01:20,029 --> 00:01:22,149 Speaker 2: to a better quality of life, and one of us 23 00:01:22,269 --> 00:01:26,269 Speaker 2: is a very early adopter. Plus, why don't men RSVP 24 00:01:26,549 --> 00:01:29,549 Speaker 2: to party invitations? It's time to get into the hopeless 25 00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:32,429 Speaker 2: dad's debate? And good night to the bedtime story. What 26 00:01:32,549 --> 00:01:36,589 Speaker 2: happens when parents stop reading to kids? We're starting to see. 27 00:01:36,749 --> 00:01:40,229 Speaker 1: But first, in case you missed it, postpartum just got 28 00:01:40,269 --> 00:01:43,549 Speaker 1: a glow up. Perhaps you're like me and you remember 29 00:01:43,589 --> 00:01:48,549 Speaker 1: that time as a difficult one. Mesh undies, laundry piles, 30 00:01:49,069 --> 00:01:53,029 Speaker 1: occasional abouts of crying on the bathroom or kitchen floor anymorey. 31 00:01:52,549 --> 00:01:55,149 Speaker 3: Will, yes, hand is up, But no, no, no. 32 00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,749 Speaker 1: There are these things called postpartum retreats popping up. They 33 00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:01,549 Speaker 1: are for mothers to be mothered and for those who 34 00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:04,549 Speaker 1: can afford them. A writer for US Vogue wrote about 35 00:02:04,549 --> 00:02:07,709 Speaker 1: one at a Waldorf astoria in California. She spent two 36 00:02:07,789 --> 00:02:10,749 Speaker 1: nights there two weeks after giving birth, and she enjoyed 37 00:02:10,869 --> 00:02:14,109 Speaker 1: all sorts of marvelous things, round the clock baby care 38 00:02:14,229 --> 00:02:16,789 Speaker 1: with duelers on demand. She seriously just had an iPad 39 00:02:16,909 --> 00:02:20,309 Speaker 1: and she could just be like, I need someone right now, facials, 40 00:02:20,429 --> 00:02:24,549 Speaker 1: fresh meals, massages, no crying on the kitchen floor. There 41 00:02:24,589 --> 00:02:26,789 Speaker 1: are others across the United States, and they're now, also 42 00:02:26,829 --> 00:02:29,469 Speaker 1: in Australia, there's one in Sydney's Double Bay and there 43 00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:32,589 Speaker 1: is one in Melbourne. These don't come cheap, however, the 44 00:02:32,589 --> 00:02:35,589 Speaker 1: one in Melbourne is fifty two hundred dollars for four nights. 45 00:02:35,909 --> 00:02:38,949 Speaker 1: Oh now, we should say that the postpart of retreat 46 00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:41,669 Speaker 1: is not a new idea. There are many cultures around 47 00:02:41,669 --> 00:02:45,549 Speaker 1: the world that do recognize the importance of giving women 48 00:02:45,629 --> 00:02:49,469 Speaker 1: a break after childbirth. So, for instance, in South Korea, 49 00:02:49,589 --> 00:02:53,229 Speaker 1: the tradition is called Sanu Jewelry one and it refers 50 00:02:53,229 --> 00:02:55,829 Speaker 1: to care centers where new mothers check in and then 51 00:02:55,869 --> 00:02:59,069 Speaker 1: they get these nourishing broths and they get really taken 52 00:02:59,189 --> 00:03:02,269 Speaker 1: care of for weeks, often even months after birth. And 53 00:03:02,309 --> 00:03:04,869 Speaker 1: there's actually a similar tradition in China where a postpart 54 00:03:04,909 --> 00:03:07,069 Speaker 1: and parent rests for a month in a kind of 55 00:03:07,109 --> 00:03:10,549 Speaker 1: confinement and family members attend to the housework and to 56 00:03:10,629 --> 00:03:15,549 Speaker 1: the older kids. I wish the Western take on this idea, 57 00:03:15,629 --> 00:03:18,989 Speaker 1: which is brilliant, was accessible to more people. I mean, 58 00:03:19,029 --> 00:03:21,549 Speaker 1: I'm sure in Scandinavia they probably have some kind of 59 00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:25,149 Speaker 1: government funded program where everyone gets it. And I think 60 00:03:25,189 --> 00:03:28,069 Speaker 1: it's really important these days because you and new mums 61 00:03:28,109 --> 00:03:30,709 Speaker 1: are able to live near family members, and for me 62 00:03:30,749 --> 00:03:34,549 Speaker 1: in particular, it's a really important corrective to a trend 63 00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,509 Speaker 1: that I have experienced firsthand in the US. So my 64 00:03:37,589 --> 00:03:40,309 Speaker 1: first baby I gave birth to in a so called 65 00:03:40,429 --> 00:03:47,109 Speaker 1: baby friendly hospital. This is a new trail think in 66 00:03:47,149 --> 00:03:50,549 Speaker 1: hospitals across America. What this basically amounts to is there's 67 00:03:50,549 --> 00:03:54,389 Speaker 1: no crash, there's no formula, you have to breastfeed, and 68 00:03:54,429 --> 00:03:56,949 Speaker 1: there's no assistance at night because the baby has to 69 00:03:56,989 --> 00:03:59,629 Speaker 1: sleep with you the whole time. So it's baby friendly, 70 00:03:59,749 --> 00:04:02,429 Speaker 1: but it is not mother friendly. And I'm here for 71 00:04:02,509 --> 00:04:05,189 Speaker 1: the focus on mothers a little more. Jesse, would you 72 00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:06,309 Speaker 1: want to go to one of these? 73 00:04:06,869 --> 00:04:12,069 Speaker 2: I don't know. I'm not sure if I would. I 74 00:04:12,109 --> 00:04:15,229 Speaker 2: have read a lot about these. I read one article 75 00:04:15,229 --> 00:04:17,749 Speaker 2: that kind of said, is it I really like all 76 00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:20,109 Speaker 2: the support in terms of food and you know, even 77 00:04:20,189 --> 00:04:22,389 Speaker 2: lactation consultants and that kind of stuff is great, But. 78 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,709 Speaker 3: The broth the broth. 79 00:04:25,029 --> 00:04:28,549 Speaker 2: But one kind of criticism was saying women don't need 80 00:04:29,229 --> 00:04:32,869 Speaker 2: a baby robe embroidered with initials, like we've just there 81 00:04:32,869 --> 00:04:34,989 Speaker 2: are some things that are probably a little too far. 82 00:04:35,269 --> 00:04:37,909 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what the Vogue rad got at the Waldorf 83 00:04:38,229 --> 00:04:39,309 Speaker 1: hotel in California. 84 00:04:39,509 --> 00:04:44,589 Speaker 2: Yeah, so what this essentially is, as you alluded to, 85 00:04:44,949 --> 00:04:47,629 Speaker 2: is what Trevor Noah has has talked about this among 86 00:04:47,829 --> 00:04:50,509 Speaker 2: you know, lots of researchers, which is we all like 87 00:04:50,709 --> 00:04:52,789 Speaker 2: lost our community and now we have to pay to 88 00:04:52,989 --> 00:04:56,629 Speaker 2: get them back, exactly. And so in an ideal world, 89 00:04:57,309 --> 00:04:59,509 Speaker 2: you wouldn't have to pay for this kind of service, 90 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,149 Speaker 2: that would just be on offer. And as someone in 91 00:05:02,269 --> 00:05:05,429 Speaker 2: I have such privilege when it comes to family and support, 92 00:05:05,509 --> 00:05:07,269 Speaker 2: and so I think I felt like I sort of 93 00:05:07,309 --> 00:05:10,349 Speaker 2: got this, like I was able to rely on people 94 00:05:10,389 --> 00:05:13,229 Speaker 2: who could bring meals and if I needed someone to 95 00:05:13,269 --> 00:05:15,669 Speaker 2: hold the baby, I could ask them. But I do 96 00:05:15,789 --> 00:05:21,389 Speaker 2: worry about the disparity here and what class has access 97 00:05:21,549 --> 00:05:26,029 Speaker 2: to this type of thing, because postpartum depression has so 98 00:05:26,309 --> 00:05:30,989 Speaker 2: much to do with the environment following birth. And I 99 00:05:31,069 --> 00:05:33,069 Speaker 2: worry that if it's like, oh, you pay for this, 100 00:05:33,109 --> 00:05:35,429 Speaker 2: you pay for this, you pay for this, it means 101 00:05:35,509 --> 00:05:39,709 Speaker 2: that our standard of basic care kind of goes, oh well, 102 00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:43,229 Speaker 2: that's all outsourced. Like ideally hospitals would do a little 103 00:05:43,229 --> 00:05:44,349 Speaker 2: bit more of this, maybe. 104 00:05:44,189 --> 00:05:45,989 Speaker 1: Yeah, as opposed to a kick in the pants and 105 00:05:45,989 --> 00:05:47,189 Speaker 1: some MESHONDI. 106 00:05:46,749 --> 00:05:49,389 Speaker 3: Is exactly right, I see what about you. I don't 107 00:05:49,429 --> 00:05:51,349 Speaker 3: know if it's a result of having a baby who 108 00:05:51,389 --> 00:05:53,669 Speaker 3: was in special care. So I was in hospital for 109 00:05:53,789 --> 00:05:55,829 Speaker 3: longer than a lot of new mums are. 110 00:05:56,269 --> 00:05:57,669 Speaker 2: How long were you in hospital? 111 00:05:57,709 --> 00:06:00,069 Speaker 3: I was in for three weeks before I had my daughter, 112 00:06:00,189 --> 00:06:02,549 Speaker 3: and then about ten days after she was born. That 113 00:06:02,669 --> 00:06:04,629 Speaker 3: is a long it's a long time. I knew the 114 00:06:04,669 --> 00:06:07,069 Speaker 3: meal rotation of that hospital like the back of my way, 115 00:06:07,229 --> 00:06:09,269 Speaker 3: I've got to have a whole month's worth of it. 116 00:06:09,549 --> 00:06:12,149 Speaker 3: But I basically had to be dragged out of that place, 117 00:06:12,189 --> 00:06:14,869 Speaker 3: like I felt very anxious when I was away from 118 00:06:15,469 --> 00:06:18,589 Speaker 3: the nurses and the heart rate monitors and all of 119 00:06:18,589 --> 00:06:20,789 Speaker 3: the things. And so I think if something like this 120 00:06:20,869 --> 00:06:24,389 Speaker 3: had been within my financial reach, I absolutely would have 121 00:06:24,389 --> 00:06:26,829 Speaker 3: taken it, because it felt like whiplash to go home 122 00:06:27,189 --> 00:06:29,629 Speaker 3: and to have almost no one around because I'd been 123 00:06:29,669 --> 00:06:31,349 Speaker 3: in hospital for so long. My husband had to go 124 00:06:31,389 --> 00:06:33,829 Speaker 3: back to work a couple of weeks after I got home, 125 00:06:34,069 --> 00:06:37,229 Speaker 3: and it did feel very much like you're alone. And 126 00:06:37,269 --> 00:06:40,269 Speaker 3: so I and I think there's a certain level of guilt. 127 00:06:40,469 --> 00:06:43,709 Speaker 3: Not everyone feels this, but I felt very bad if 128 00:06:43,789 --> 00:06:46,709 Speaker 3: I asked anyone to help me with anything, even if 129 00:06:47,069 --> 00:06:48,349 Speaker 3: you know. And I think a lot of women feel 130 00:06:48,389 --> 00:06:50,069 Speaker 3: that they don't want to be a burden. They're like, 131 00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:52,549 Speaker 3: why am I finding this harder than the average person? 132 00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:54,509 Speaker 3: So you don't want to reach out, And it almost 133 00:06:54,549 --> 00:06:56,629 Speaker 3: feels like if you could pay for this, obviously not 134 00:06:56,669 --> 00:06:59,989 Speaker 3: that amount of money, because that's not achievable for most 135 00:06:59,989 --> 00:07:02,709 Speaker 3: of us, but if you could pay, it almost takes 136 00:07:02,749 --> 00:07:05,989 Speaker 3: the guilt away from that, like it's a service, it's transactional. 137 00:07:06,309 --> 00:07:08,829 Speaker 3: You're helping me and I'm getting something from that. Yeah. 138 00:07:08,869 --> 00:07:11,509 Speaker 2: I remember thinking that if I asked, there were instances 139 00:07:11,549 --> 00:07:13,549 Speaker 2: where I probably would have liked help, but I didn't 140 00:07:13,589 --> 00:07:17,229 Speaker 2: want to look like I thought. Your narrative goes so funny. 141 00:07:17,229 --> 00:07:19,069 Speaker 2: You go, they'll think I don't want to spend time 142 00:07:19,109 --> 00:07:21,709 Speaker 2: with my baby exactly like they'll think they'll think I 143 00:07:21,789 --> 00:07:24,709 Speaker 2: had this, that there would be judgment towards me more 144 00:07:24,749 --> 00:07:27,549 Speaker 2: than an imposition on them. But I want to table 145 00:07:27,629 --> 00:07:31,309 Speaker 2: one criticism that I heard from a midwife about this 146 00:07:31,389 --> 00:07:34,829 Speaker 2: kind of thing, and it's that with too too much help. 147 00:07:34,869 --> 00:07:36,469 Speaker 2: I don't know if I agree with this, but I 148 00:07:36,509 --> 00:07:39,549 Speaker 2: was interviewing her about these kind of providers and she 149 00:07:39,629 --> 00:07:42,589 Speaker 2: was saying, when you're in a situation where you are 150 00:07:42,669 --> 00:07:46,149 Speaker 2: overwhelmed with expertise, whether that be this is how you swaddle, 151 00:07:46,189 --> 00:07:51,189 Speaker 2: this is nappy, this is breastfeeding. It can undermine the 152 00:07:51,949 --> 00:07:55,709 Speaker 2: instincts of the parents a little bit. And I know 153 00:07:55,789 --> 00:07:58,989 Speaker 2: that a lot of people poo pooh the idea of instincts. 154 00:07:59,029 --> 00:08:01,029 Speaker 2: I think that a lot of us actually just need 155 00:08:01,069 --> 00:08:03,429 Speaker 2: to learn how to do things. But she said, you 156 00:08:03,469 --> 00:08:06,709 Speaker 2: shouldn't feel as though you need a university degree before 157 00:08:06,709 --> 00:08:09,349 Speaker 2: you leave the hospital with a baby. Like, we've got 158 00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:10,989 Speaker 2: to make sure that we're not telling parents that this 159 00:08:11,109 --> 00:08:13,909 Speaker 2: is so hard and so complicated that you need to 160 00:08:13,949 --> 00:08:17,829 Speaker 2: do twelve classes a day in order to cope. Going 161 00:08:17,869 --> 00:08:20,629 Speaker 2: and working it out is kind of part of the experience. 162 00:08:20,789 --> 00:08:22,349 Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's it. I feel like we are so 163 00:08:22,509 --> 00:08:26,269 Speaker 3: overly prepared now, like we do courses. People here who 164 00:08:26,269 --> 00:08:27,829 Speaker 3: are pregnant, we kind of are saying to them, well, 165 00:08:27,869 --> 00:08:29,789 Speaker 3: you've got two jobs now, because you've got to keep 166 00:08:29,869 --> 00:08:32,029 Speaker 3: up with all of the appointments and the lessons and 167 00:08:32,069 --> 00:08:33,949 Speaker 3: all of the things. So maybe it does get in 168 00:08:33,989 --> 00:08:35,989 Speaker 3: the way of your instincts and just well, I've just 169 00:08:36,029 --> 00:08:38,029 Speaker 3: got to get through this rough patch and then we'll 170 00:08:38,029 --> 00:08:40,869 Speaker 3: be fine. An article about the benefits of getting a 171 00:08:40,909 --> 00:08:43,309 Speaker 3: sleep divorce caught my eye this week and I need 172 00:08:43,349 --> 00:08:46,589 Speaker 3: everyone to know about it. Writing for The Conversation, Monash 173 00:08:46,669 --> 00:08:51,149 Speaker 3: University's psychology fellow, Alex Malaw explored the many reasons otherwise 174 00:08:51,189 --> 00:08:54,469 Speaker 3: perfectly happy couples might choose to sleep separately and how 175 00:08:54,509 --> 00:08:57,389 Speaker 3: it can actually lead to a better night's sleep. She said, well, 176 00:08:57,509 --> 00:09:00,189 Speaker 3: many people say they prefer to sleep or sleep better 177 00:09:00,269 --> 00:09:04,709 Speaker 3: next to their partner when scientists measure sleep objectively, such 178 00:09:04,709 --> 00:09:07,629 Speaker 3: as through an electro in cephalogram, And yes, I did 179 00:09:07,669 --> 00:09:10,789 Speaker 3: practice saying that ten times before we hit record. When 180 00:09:10,789 --> 00:09:13,949 Speaker 3: they use the egs to assess brain waves, the data 181 00:09:13,989 --> 00:09:17,269 Speaker 3: actually showed poor as sleep quality when co sleeping. So 182 00:09:17,509 --> 00:09:19,869 Speaker 3: some reasons obviously that people might choose to be in 183 00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:23,709 Speaker 3: separate beds is conflicting sleep schedules, one person snores or 184 00:09:23,709 --> 00:09:27,589 Speaker 3: has sleep apnea or insomnia, sleep talking. The list goes on. 185 00:09:28,389 --> 00:09:31,149 Speaker 3: But the other main catalyst for a sleep divorce can 186 00:09:31,189 --> 00:09:33,829 Speaker 3: be when kids come into the mix and suddenly sleep 187 00:09:33,909 --> 00:09:37,309 Speaker 3: is the most precious but often hard to achieve commodity 188 00:09:37,389 --> 00:09:40,509 Speaker 3: in your life. And now I have something to confess. 189 00:09:40,829 --> 00:09:44,029 Speaker 3: I have been happily sleep divorced for five years, not 190 00:09:44,069 --> 00:09:48,109 Speaker 3: actually divorced five years nearly, which is right around the 191 00:09:48,149 --> 00:09:51,549 Speaker 3: time I started getting pregnancy insomnia, and I'm just never 192 00:09:51,589 --> 00:09:54,669 Speaker 3: going back. So would either of you consider this? I'm 193 00:09:54,709 --> 00:09:55,389 Speaker 3: so interested. 194 00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:58,229 Speaker 2: I have questions for you. First, Please go so far 195 00:09:58,949 --> 00:10:02,269 Speaker 2: pregnancy in somnia starts. Yes, I was in exactly the 196 00:10:02,309 --> 00:10:04,709 Speaker 2: same position, and I would go. I was like, I 197 00:10:04,749 --> 00:10:06,789 Speaker 2: can't be up and down. I can't worry about you. 198 00:10:06,949 --> 00:10:07,949 Speaker 3: Yes, so I have it to. 199 00:10:07,909 --> 00:10:11,669 Speaker 2: Separate myself often when the baby comes. If you're going 200 00:10:11,749 --> 00:10:14,149 Speaker 2: to go, all right, let's take shifts so that we're 201 00:10:14,149 --> 00:10:17,349 Speaker 2: both not losing sleep. Tell me about the next stage 202 00:10:17,349 --> 00:10:20,509 Speaker 2: where you're going. You know what I actually like having 203 00:10:20,549 --> 00:10:23,069 Speaker 2: my own space with a Now how old is your 204 00:10:23,109 --> 00:10:24,069 Speaker 2: daughter for yeah? 205 00:10:24,109 --> 00:10:25,029 Speaker 3: Four five? 206 00:10:25,789 --> 00:10:26,749 Speaker 2: Talked to me about that. 207 00:10:27,269 --> 00:10:29,789 Speaker 3: Well, that's the thing. It was survival mode at the start. 208 00:10:30,069 --> 00:10:33,229 Speaker 3: Was it was I needed to sleep, he needed to sleep, 209 00:10:33,269 --> 00:10:35,189 Speaker 3: and so we would take turns with the monitor. Someone 210 00:10:35,229 --> 00:10:37,469 Speaker 3: would take a shift, and then it was kind of like, 211 00:10:38,149 --> 00:10:40,189 Speaker 3: look at this bed with the nice linen I've put 212 00:10:40,229 --> 00:10:42,389 Speaker 3: on it, and look how dark I can have the 213 00:10:42,469 --> 00:10:44,269 Speaker 3: room when you like to wake up with the sun 214 00:10:44,709 --> 00:10:46,949 Speaker 3: and look at how no one stole my quilt in 215 00:10:46,989 --> 00:10:49,549 Speaker 3: the middle of the night, and it just snowballs to 216 00:10:49,589 --> 00:10:52,829 Speaker 3: the point where we both were sleeping so much better 217 00:10:52,869 --> 00:10:55,749 Speaker 3: by sleeping separately, that we both went I think we 218 00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:57,589 Speaker 3: just have to do that all the time now. 219 00:10:57,789 --> 00:11:01,189 Speaker 2: And the most urgent question, I mean, how many bloody 220 00:11:01,229 --> 00:11:01,949 Speaker 2: bedrooms do you have? 221 00:11:02,869 --> 00:11:02,989 Speaker 1: Oh? 222 00:11:03,069 --> 00:11:05,029 Speaker 3: This is the thing, this is a big privilege to 223 00:11:05,029 --> 00:11:06,509 Speaker 3: be able to do. Is I live in the western 224 00:11:06,549 --> 00:11:09,069 Speaker 3: suburbs of Sydney, so we are very lucky to have 225 00:11:09,349 --> 00:11:11,509 Speaker 3: three bedrooms. But this is why we can only have 226 00:11:11,509 --> 00:11:14,189 Speaker 3: one child. There's no more beddom as well. I'm not 227 00:11:14,229 --> 00:11:16,789 Speaker 3: willing to give mine up. I need to keep it 228 00:11:16,829 --> 00:11:21,069 Speaker 3: so those kids would be sharing. But it's just worked 229 00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:22,909 Speaker 3: out so much better. And I have to say, like, 230 00:11:23,069 --> 00:11:25,389 Speaker 3: I love my husband, but I love him a lot 231 00:11:25,429 --> 00:11:28,309 Speaker 3: more when I can't hear his snoring or experience the 232 00:11:28,509 --> 00:11:31,749 Speaker 3: wwe like body slams that he manages to do every 233 00:11:31,749 --> 00:11:34,509 Speaker 3: time he turns over. So this is definitely a good 234 00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:35,949 Speaker 3: solution if you're experiencing that. 235 00:11:36,189 --> 00:11:38,949 Speaker 1: Okay, I went deep on this after you mentioned it. 236 00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:43,589 Speaker 1: I was really curious about when the double bed custom 237 00:11:43,669 --> 00:11:47,069 Speaker 1: came about, because when you watch old movies and TV shows, 238 00:11:47,389 --> 00:11:50,909 Speaker 1: the married couples do go to sleep into single beds. 239 00:11:51,469 --> 00:11:54,789 Speaker 1: So it turns out that it's very recently that we 240 00:11:54,909 --> 00:11:57,429 Speaker 1: decided that couples have to sleep in the same bed, 241 00:11:57,469 --> 00:12:00,669 Speaker 1: and we're talking the sixties. Before then, it was actually 242 00:12:00,829 --> 00:12:04,629 Speaker 1: seen as healthier and more modern for a married couple 243 00:12:04,709 --> 00:12:07,309 Speaker 1: or a partnered couple to sleep in separate beds. And 244 00:12:07,749 --> 00:12:11,029 Speaker 1: I love this detail, which is that Victorian doctors said 245 00:12:11,309 --> 00:12:15,429 Speaker 1: that the weaker sleeper would drain all the vitality from 246 00:12:15,429 --> 00:12:16,429 Speaker 1: the stronger person. 247 00:12:16,709 --> 00:12:18,629 Speaker 2: That's exactly what happened. 248 00:12:18,629 --> 00:12:21,269 Speaker 1: And so it's a very recent thing, and it kind 249 00:12:21,269 --> 00:12:23,469 Speaker 1: of reminds me. I find it a bit confronting. I 250 00:12:23,469 --> 00:12:26,429 Speaker 1: won't lie when you told me about it. There is 251 00:12:26,469 --> 00:12:29,149 Speaker 1: a kind of instinctive idea of like, is there something 252 00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:32,589 Speaker 1: wrong with their relationship, because we are it's so ingrained 253 00:12:32,589 --> 00:12:35,429 Speaker 1: in us that married couples sleep in the same bed. 254 00:12:35,789 --> 00:12:38,309 Speaker 1: But then I got thinking about it, and I remember 255 00:12:38,349 --> 00:12:41,629 Speaker 1: that Esther Perell's big thing is that we keep expecting 256 00:12:41,669 --> 00:12:44,989 Speaker 1: one person to be everything, to fulfill all functions, including 257 00:12:45,309 --> 00:12:47,989 Speaker 1: to be sleep compatible, and this is just taking a 258 00:12:47,989 --> 00:12:50,269 Speaker 1: little bit of the pressure off. Now that said, I 259 00:12:50,309 --> 00:12:53,469 Speaker 1: do not have an extra bedroom for people in my situation, 260 00:12:53,589 --> 00:12:56,789 Speaker 1: I would recommend mouth tape every better. 261 00:12:57,629 --> 00:13:00,469 Speaker 2: We have a like a day bed in Luna's room, 262 00:13:00,549 --> 00:13:03,269 Speaker 2: so it's like if you sleep separately. Yep, you go 263 00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:05,629 Speaker 2: and you sleep and it's tiny, like you roll off 264 00:13:05,669 --> 00:13:08,349 Speaker 2: and you break it arm. But we did that for 265 00:13:08,389 --> 00:13:11,669 Speaker 2: the first six months. Lucas slept in the nursery on 266 00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:14,149 Speaker 2: the day bed and Luna and I were in the 267 00:13:14,149 --> 00:13:16,909 Speaker 2: big room with the big bed. But it was interesting 268 00:13:16,949 --> 00:13:18,949 Speaker 2: the moment we decided to come back and I was like, 269 00:13:18,989 --> 00:13:21,629 Speaker 2: I don't get to sprawl, I don't get a blanket like. 270 00:13:21,629 --> 00:13:24,909 Speaker 1: This is so did you consider ever keeping you. 271 00:13:25,269 --> 00:13:27,829 Speaker 2: The other bed was more comfortable? I have time for it. 272 00:13:27,909 --> 00:13:31,789 Speaker 2: And then I was having a think about what the 273 00:13:31,869 --> 00:13:32,589 Speaker 2: stigma is. 274 00:13:32,629 --> 00:13:33,989 Speaker 1: Right, And there is a stigma. 275 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:36,989 Speaker 2: There is stigma, and it's to do with intimacy. And 276 00:13:37,069 --> 00:13:40,029 Speaker 2: I also think that it's a suggestion that it will 277 00:13:40,189 --> 00:13:43,349 Speaker 2: absolutely kill your sex life, right, because come on, you've 278 00:13:43,349 --> 00:13:44,189 Speaker 2: got to seek the same bed. 279 00:13:44,269 --> 00:13:47,549 Speaker 3: Absolutely, that is the number one question we won't ask you. 280 00:13:48,749 --> 00:13:51,429 Speaker 2: What's funny about that, right, is that it's like how 281 00:13:51,469 --> 00:13:54,269 Speaker 2: many people are rolling over at two am and being like, 282 00:13:54,469 --> 00:13:56,309 Speaker 2: now that I can feel you there, we should have 283 00:13:56,349 --> 00:14:00,749 Speaker 2: spontaneous two am sex and that keeps our relationships strong. Like, no, 284 00:14:01,069 --> 00:14:02,829 Speaker 2: you wake up at two am, you hit the other 285 00:14:02,829 --> 00:14:04,309 Speaker 2: person in the face. I do it all the time. 286 00:14:04,309 --> 00:14:07,749 Speaker 2: To Luca exactly, he mumbles, sleep talk, we fight, and 287 00:14:07,749 --> 00:14:09,509 Speaker 2: then in the morning we're shitty at each other, Like 288 00:14:10,189 --> 00:14:12,789 Speaker 2: any sort of intimacy is not happening. 289 00:14:12,869 --> 00:14:14,949 Speaker 3: No, I think you are much more likely to want 290 00:14:14,989 --> 00:14:16,949 Speaker 3: to be intimate with your partner if you don't want 291 00:14:16,989 --> 00:14:22,429 Speaker 3: to kill them. Yeah, exactly. And some of the studies 292 00:14:22,549 --> 00:14:25,549 Speaker 3: she cited in this piece spoke about how clients reported 293 00:14:25,669 --> 00:14:28,309 Speaker 3: that sleeping alone can alleviate some of the anxiety they 294 00:14:28,309 --> 00:14:30,989 Speaker 3: have around sleep because if they're the person who's disturbing 295 00:14:31,029 --> 00:14:34,189 Speaker 3: the other person, if they're the snorer, then they're having 296 00:14:34,349 --> 00:14:37,269 Speaker 3: less quality sleep because they're worried about waking the other person. 297 00:14:37,749 --> 00:14:41,509 Speaker 3: So they've actually found that people sleeping separately means that 298 00:14:41,509 --> 00:14:44,549 Speaker 3: there's not that stress as they're going to sleep themselves. 299 00:14:44,789 --> 00:14:47,269 Speaker 2: I also find that when I've gone through periods of insomnia, 300 00:14:47,509 --> 00:14:50,669 Speaker 2: having someone beside you who's asleep is really distressing. Yes, 301 00:14:50,669 --> 00:14:52,829 Speaker 2: it's like it's real because you go wishing, Oh, you're furious, 302 00:14:53,029 --> 00:14:56,869 Speaker 2: you're absolutely angry, and it also means I've a partner 303 00:14:56,869 --> 00:14:58,829 Speaker 2: who goes to bed a lot earlier than me, and 304 00:14:58,869 --> 00:15:00,549 Speaker 2: that's bed time in our house. I have to go 305 00:15:00,589 --> 00:15:03,589 Speaker 2: to bed, and if I fall into the habit of 306 00:15:03,589 --> 00:15:06,509 Speaker 2: then scrolling on my phone for the two hours where 307 00:15:06,589 --> 00:15:08,389 Speaker 2: he's asleep and I'm not ready to go to sleep yet, 308 00:15:08,749 --> 00:15:11,469 Speaker 2: terrible for your brain. So it's like I've had to 309 00:15:11,509 --> 00:15:13,949 Speaker 2: start to do like the Kindle or whatever. You can't 310 00:15:13,989 --> 00:15:15,389 Speaker 2: you can't read a print book, can you know. 311 00:15:18,109 --> 00:15:20,989 Speaker 1: This also reminded me of I used to live in Japan, 312 00:15:21,189 --> 00:15:24,269 Speaker 1: and when you travel around Japan you go to traditional inns, 313 00:15:24,789 --> 00:15:29,189 Speaker 1: they often have a tatami matte arrangement where whole families 314 00:15:29,269 --> 00:15:33,189 Speaker 1: will sleep in one room on tatarmi. So it just 315 00:15:33,309 --> 00:15:35,349 Speaker 1: was a reminder that the thing that we think is 316 00:15:35,389 --> 00:15:39,269 Speaker 1: the default is not the default for a lot of 317 00:15:39,269 --> 00:15:41,789 Speaker 1: people around the world and through human history. 318 00:15:42,069 --> 00:15:45,309 Speaker 2: Is it a really big space where the family will sleep, not. 319 00:15:45,389 --> 00:15:49,709 Speaker 1: Especially big, but it feels like it's a very different 320 00:15:49,749 --> 00:15:53,749 Speaker 1: way of sleeping because instead of being given this prescribed 321 00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:57,669 Speaker 1: rectangle to sleep on, there's a sense of like you've 322 00:15:57,709 --> 00:16:02,549 Speaker 1: got more latitude to move around because you're all just sleeping. However, 323 00:16:02,589 --> 00:16:05,269 Speaker 1: you like and in whatever shape you like in this room. 324 00:16:05,869 --> 00:16:11,629 Speaker 1: So cool. I want to talk about a particular type 325 00:16:11,749 --> 00:16:15,389 Speaker 1: of person who I think we all know, who we 326 00:16:15,469 --> 00:16:18,829 Speaker 1: may even have in our lives. Right now, let me 327 00:16:19,029 --> 00:16:21,269 Speaker 1: back up and say why I started thinking about this. 328 00:16:21,789 --> 00:16:24,789 Speaker 1: A Shanty, the singer A Shanty, and the rapper Nelly 329 00:16:25,069 --> 00:16:28,189 Speaker 1: recently had a baby together, which is lovely and Nellie 330 00:16:28,309 --> 00:16:31,709 Speaker 1: seems very happy about it. But in a recent interview, 331 00:16:31,709 --> 00:16:34,509 Speaker 1: a joint interview, he was sitting beside a Shanty, and 332 00:16:34,549 --> 00:16:36,549 Speaker 1: he said to her baby, I'll give you the world, 333 00:16:36,869 --> 00:16:41,149 Speaker 1: but I just ain't changing no diaper, and as Shanty responded, 334 00:16:41,189 --> 00:16:44,509 Speaker 1: the only way women for millennia have responded to such 335 00:16:44,509 --> 00:16:48,309 Speaker 1: a statement, which was with an eye roll. A similar 336 00:16:48,309 --> 00:16:50,669 Speaker 1: display of this was evident in an interview that Nick 337 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:53,549 Speaker 1: Cannon did recently. The singer who you may know, has 338 00:16:53,669 --> 00:16:57,069 Speaker 1: twelve children, and the interview. For some reason, this interview 339 00:16:57,149 --> 00:17:00,069 Speaker 1: was taking place on pilates mats, but I don't know 340 00:17:00,109 --> 00:17:02,789 Speaker 1: why that is. But the interviewer asked Nick to run 341 00:17:02,869 --> 00:17:06,189 Speaker 1: through his twelve children's names, and let's just listen to 342 00:17:06,229 --> 00:17:09,989 Speaker 1: what happened next. What are their names? You want? 343 00:17:10,189 --> 00:17:13,429 Speaker 3: A twelve twelve names? This is where I usually get 344 00:17:13,469 --> 00:17:13,909 Speaker 3: in trouble. 345 00:17:14,069 --> 00:17:15,469 Speaker 1: Why because you don't know all of that. I know 346 00:17:15,549 --> 00:17:16,069 Speaker 1: all of them. 347 00:17:16,109 --> 00:17:19,349 Speaker 2: But like our label last you see keep me, keep 348 00:17:19,349 --> 00:17:27,949 Speaker 2: me honest. There's rock Roll, Golden, Powerful, Rise ONYX, Legendary, Zion, 349 00:17:28,629 --> 00:17:37,749 Speaker 2: zillion Zin and just see this is where I. 350 00:17:36,429 --> 00:17:41,589 Speaker 3: Uh, you're missing too, I'm missing two. 351 00:17:42,949 --> 00:17:48,669 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a little that's where a huts off. So look, 352 00:17:48,749 --> 00:17:51,669 Speaker 1: these two men seem like nice people, but they are 353 00:17:51,749 --> 00:17:54,909 Speaker 1: what I would call hopeless dads. And these are dads. 354 00:17:55,109 --> 00:17:57,989 Speaker 1: They're not deeply problematic in any way, but they're just 355 00:17:58,109 --> 00:18:00,589 Speaker 1: kind of hopeless when it comes to the task of 356 00:18:00,669 --> 00:18:04,309 Speaker 1: raising children. So now that I've named this phenomenon and 357 00:18:04,389 --> 00:18:06,629 Speaker 1: described this type of person, I suspect you're going to 358 00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:09,389 Speaker 1: have a lot of examples for me. And the newsletter 359 00:18:09,429 --> 00:18:12,589 Speaker 1: writer Wehena Moya, who has a great parent in newsletter, 360 00:18:12,989 --> 00:18:16,869 Speaker 1: had one recently. She asked, do dads know how to RSVP? 361 00:18:17,509 --> 00:18:19,829 Speaker 1: She wrote, I'd love to know what goes through dad's 362 00:18:19,869 --> 00:18:22,749 Speaker 1: minds when they receive kid party invitations. I don't mean 363 00:18:22,789 --> 00:18:25,109 Speaker 1: this in a snarky way. I am truly curious and 364 00:18:25,189 --> 00:18:28,429 Speaker 1: want to understand do they think not my department or 365 00:18:28,909 --> 00:18:30,909 Speaker 1: my partner must be on this invite and they'll take 366 00:18:30,949 --> 00:18:34,069 Speaker 1: care of it. So I can really relate to that. 367 00:18:34,149 --> 00:18:37,269 Speaker 1: I just was planning a kid's birthday party, and as 368 00:18:37,309 --> 00:18:41,829 Speaker 1: a little social experiment, I did send half the invitations 369 00:18:42,069 --> 00:18:45,109 Speaker 1: to the dads on the parent contact list and half 370 00:18:45,149 --> 00:18:47,069 Speaker 1: the invitations to the moms. 371 00:18:47,869 --> 00:18:49,149 Speaker 2: And what did you find. 372 00:18:49,349 --> 00:18:51,149 Speaker 3: Well, it was a little predictable. 373 00:18:52,189 --> 00:18:55,149 Speaker 1: The women responded and the men did not. So I 374 00:18:55,229 --> 00:19:00,549 Speaker 1: just started sending them in extremely passive, aggressive, polite messages saying, Hey, 375 00:19:00,989 --> 00:19:03,389 Speaker 1: any chance that you know whether you can make it 376 00:19:03,429 --> 00:19:06,669 Speaker 1: to this kid's birthday party. Some of them just never 377 00:19:06,749 --> 00:19:09,349 Speaker 1: responded to me and then showed up at the party. 378 00:19:09,909 --> 00:19:11,949 Speaker 1: At this point, I need to make clear that this 379 00:19:11,989 --> 00:19:15,989 Speaker 1: is obviously not all men. I'm not doing that eye 380 00:19:16,069 --> 00:19:19,469 Speaker 1: rolling at all men comedy routine that's almost become a 381 00:19:19,469 --> 00:19:21,509 Speaker 1: cliche at this point. But the question I want to 382 00:19:21,509 --> 00:19:25,109 Speaker 1: ask you both is do we deal with the hopeless 383 00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:28,189 Speaker 1: dads just by kind of shrugging our shoulders and figuring 384 00:19:28,269 --> 00:19:32,109 Speaker 1: that's how men are. Or are these hopeless dads actually 385 00:19:32,149 --> 00:19:36,909 Speaker 1: creating very real domestic labor imbalances and kind of getting 386 00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:38,709 Speaker 1: away with it under the guys of being. 387 00:19:38,509 --> 00:19:43,629 Speaker 2: Hopeless They are, and part of it is weaponized in 388 00:19:43,669 --> 00:19:46,869 Speaker 2: competence in terms of it just gets too hard to 389 00:19:46,909 --> 00:19:50,349 Speaker 2: have them do the task, so you know, women step 390 00:19:50,429 --> 00:19:54,229 Speaker 2: in and that leads to serious inequality and I think 391 00:19:54,229 --> 00:19:57,789 Speaker 2: resentment within a relationship. But there was such a fantastic 392 00:19:57,869 --> 00:20:01,549 Speaker 2: point in this newsletter that I think really highlighted why 393 00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:05,429 Speaker 2: some dad's about a rsvping, and it's that if you 394 00:20:05,469 --> 00:20:08,349 Speaker 2: have never organized a kid's birthday party, you don't understand 395 00:20:08,349 --> 00:20:12,189 Speaker 2: how important rsvping is. And so the reality is that 396 00:20:12,309 --> 00:20:15,069 Speaker 2: mostly it's mother's doing it. Having done it, they're going, 397 00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:16,989 Speaker 2: I should let them know asap so that they can 398 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:19,789 Speaker 2: book it, whereas dads are going, what does it matter 399 00:20:19,829 --> 00:20:20,829 Speaker 2: if I show up or I don't. 400 00:20:20,869 --> 00:20:24,029 Speaker 1: And the reason why it matters is because if you 401 00:20:24,149 --> 00:20:28,269 Speaker 1: do not have enough goodie bags, yeah, all hell will break. 402 00:20:28,029 --> 00:20:30,709 Speaker 2: Loose, exactly right, and I'll be your kid crying. And 403 00:20:31,509 --> 00:20:33,669 Speaker 2: women know that not because it is innate to women, 404 00:20:34,309 --> 00:20:37,229 Speaker 2: but because it has been so practiced, and. 405 00:20:37,429 --> 00:20:40,389 Speaker 1: They don't teach us that the postpartum retreat the importance 406 00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:42,629 Speaker 1: of having enough goodie bags. We just have to learn 407 00:20:42,669 --> 00:20:43,309 Speaker 1: that we learn. 408 00:20:43,469 --> 00:20:47,069 Speaker 2: And I think that's an important mantra, right because even cooking. 409 00:20:47,189 --> 00:20:50,069 Speaker 2: I didn't cook before and I still can't cook. But 410 00:20:50,229 --> 00:20:52,869 Speaker 2: guess what, there has to be something on a plate, right, 411 00:20:52,949 --> 00:20:55,869 Speaker 2: So you set up systems, you set up processes, you 412 00:20:55,909 --> 00:20:59,229 Speaker 2: do trial and error, you work it out. And the 413 00:20:59,309 --> 00:21:02,869 Speaker 2: idea that you've got to let dads fail a bit 414 00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:05,749 Speaker 2: and work it out and make mistakes, I think is 415 00:21:05,789 --> 00:21:07,949 Speaker 2: just a really important one. Like if it's that they 416 00:21:08,229 --> 00:21:09,829 Speaker 2: don't RSVP and then they show up. 417 00:21:09,709 --> 00:21:12,789 Speaker 1: And you able to do that and step back. And 418 00:21:12,869 --> 00:21:15,589 Speaker 1: I also a related question to this is I think 419 00:21:15,669 --> 00:21:17,949 Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. You have used the fair 420 00:21:18,029 --> 00:21:20,829 Speaker 1: Play playing cards? Can you explain what those are and 421 00:21:20,869 --> 00:21:22,149 Speaker 1: what your experience was with them? 422 00:21:22,229 --> 00:21:25,989 Speaker 2: Yeah? The fair Play cards, I just so recommend them 423 00:21:25,989 --> 00:21:28,309 Speaker 2: to everyone and they have every Have you heard of them? 424 00:21:28,349 --> 00:21:29,309 Speaker 3: Stacy? Yeah? 425 00:21:29,629 --> 00:21:32,469 Speaker 2: So it has everything that happens in a household, from 426 00:21:32,709 --> 00:21:36,789 Speaker 2: like who sorts out the house internet to who does 427 00:21:36,949 --> 00:21:40,389 Speaker 2: dental kids dental, to who does clothes all that kind 428 00:21:40,389 --> 00:21:43,589 Speaker 2: of stuff, and we sorted it out and most of 429 00:21:43,629 --> 00:21:47,469 Speaker 2: the lunar stuff was on me. And I laugh with 430 00:21:47,709 --> 00:21:51,109 Speaker 2: friends that it's like there's never a discussion that clothes 431 00:21:51,149 --> 00:21:53,149 Speaker 2: are on you, that when you go away, packing is 432 00:21:53,149 --> 00:21:56,389 Speaker 2: on you. Yet somehow it is, and you know, Luca 433 00:21:56,429 --> 00:21:58,629 Speaker 2: does take it turns out there a few things he's doing, 434 00:21:58,709 --> 00:22:07,269 Speaker 2: like crims or whatever, which I would say sometimes I'm 435 00:22:07,309 --> 00:22:10,109 Speaker 2: quite happy with that. I will also say this is 436 00:22:10,349 --> 00:22:13,349 Speaker 2: still a massive issue, and I think those examples highlight that. 437 00:22:13,829 --> 00:22:18,109 Speaker 2: But I reckon that we're watching a shift in real time. 438 00:22:18,309 --> 00:22:20,629 Speaker 2: Like I was thinking about the nineties and your Homo 439 00:22:20,709 --> 00:22:25,749 Speaker 2: Simpson and you Ray Romano and like the stereotypical bumbling 440 00:22:25,829 --> 00:22:28,109 Speaker 2: fool dad who didn't know how to do anything and 441 00:22:28,149 --> 00:22:29,949 Speaker 2: just set a funny joke every now and then. They're 442 00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,389 Speaker 2: going to work right in front of me where I 443 00:22:31,429 --> 00:22:32,469 Speaker 2: can keep an eye on you. 444 00:22:32,469 --> 00:22:32,949 Speaker 1: You got that. 445 00:22:34,429 --> 00:22:35,189 Speaker 3: Have any home? 446 00:22:35,749 --> 00:22:39,029 Speaker 2: Well, who do you think you're dealing with? 447 00:22:39,189 --> 00:22:39,229 Speaker 3: You? 448 00:22:39,589 --> 00:22:39,709 Speaker 1: Ha? 449 00:22:40,589 --> 00:22:42,829 Speaker 2: I may seem stupid, but that's just to get your 450 00:22:42,829 --> 00:22:48,589 Speaker 2: mother to not ask me to do stuff. And then 451 00:22:48,629 --> 00:22:50,469 Speaker 2: I was looking into this research that said that in 452 00:22:50,509 --> 00:22:55,949 Speaker 2: the nineteen eighties, forty three percent of fathers said they'd 453 00:22:55,989 --> 00:22:58,269 Speaker 2: never changed a nappy. Is this in the US? Forty 454 00:22:58,309 --> 00:23:00,709 Speaker 2: three percent of fathers had never changed nappy. Now that 455 00:23:00,829 --> 00:23:05,269 Speaker 2: number has dropped to just three percent. That's enormous and 456 00:23:05,349 --> 00:23:08,509 Speaker 2: so even like from in an Australian context, you've got 457 00:23:08,869 --> 00:23:11,429 Speaker 2: How Other Dad's Dad, like Hamish Blake's podcast, You've got 458 00:23:11,429 --> 00:23:14,949 Speaker 2: two doting dads with Maddie Ja dadding, and fatherhood is 459 00:23:14,949 --> 00:23:18,909 Speaker 2: becoming a verb in a way that motherhood, okay, has been. 460 00:23:19,029 --> 00:23:22,589 Speaker 1: But I need to confess something. Yeah, I get annoyed 461 00:23:22,589 --> 00:23:24,909 Speaker 1: at the dad's dadding as well. Yeah, tell me, tell 462 00:23:24,949 --> 00:23:27,029 Speaker 1: me it's just like it. Am I just setting that 463 00:23:27,189 --> 00:23:29,589 Speaker 1: up to fail because I'm annoyed at the hopeless dads, 464 00:23:29,669 --> 00:23:32,429 Speaker 1: And then when the dads start talking about dadding, I'm 465 00:23:32,429 --> 00:23:33,589 Speaker 1: sort of annoyed at them too. 466 00:23:34,269 --> 00:23:37,469 Speaker 2: I see, I really like it, I really welcome it. 467 00:23:37,589 --> 00:23:41,949 Speaker 2: And I listened to a series of How Other Dad's 468 00:23:41,989 --> 00:23:44,349 Speaker 2: Dad when I was pregnant, and it actually gave me 469 00:23:44,509 --> 00:23:48,949 Speaker 2: so many tips and insights into parenting from fathers. And 470 00:23:49,029 --> 00:23:51,629 Speaker 2: I think that making those communities, like we're talking about 471 00:23:51,629 --> 00:23:54,229 Speaker 2: the postpartum retreats, right, you then go into a mother's 472 00:23:54,269 --> 00:23:58,229 Speaker 2: group and there is all this shared knowledge and wisdom 473 00:23:58,509 --> 00:24:01,629 Speaker 2: that goes between women. And in defense of some of 474 00:24:01,669 --> 00:24:04,589 Speaker 2: those fathers, they have no equivalent. There's no kind of 475 00:24:04,989 --> 00:24:08,069 Speaker 2: fathers all sitting down and working out how they're going 476 00:24:08,149 --> 00:24:10,189 Speaker 2: to do this. I think there is some milations. 477 00:24:10,109 --> 00:24:13,669 Speaker 1: I love that idea for them too. So here's how 478 00:24:14,109 --> 00:24:17,069 Speaker 1: you replied to what's that message is at a party? 479 00:24:17,509 --> 00:24:20,669 Speaker 3: Exactly? But there are some things that they have just 480 00:24:20,829 --> 00:24:24,629 Speaker 3: probably never done in their entire life, particularly when it's 481 00:24:24,669 --> 00:24:27,429 Speaker 3: a father with the daughter. Like, realize that my husband 482 00:24:27,429 --> 00:24:30,069 Speaker 3: has never tied a hair elastic in his entire life, 483 00:24:30,109 --> 00:24:32,589 Speaker 3: because why would he? So that was a steep linn 484 00:24:32,669 --> 00:24:35,229 Speaker 3: girl that he needed to go on and practice on 485 00:24:35,349 --> 00:24:37,269 Speaker 3: my hair, so he wasn't doing it on a moving 486 00:24:37,349 --> 00:24:40,029 Speaker 3: target to know how to do that. And I think 487 00:24:40,149 --> 00:24:42,549 Speaker 3: there are some things like that that yeah, will have 488 00:24:42,629 --> 00:24:45,309 Speaker 3: just never come across their desk. But there are other 489 00:24:45,349 --> 00:24:49,309 Speaker 3: things like rsvping tool party that aren't really forgivable and 490 00:24:49,349 --> 00:24:51,469 Speaker 3: they should know. And it is good to see that 491 00:24:51,509 --> 00:24:53,509 Speaker 3: the pendulums swinging back the other way. 492 00:24:53,789 --> 00:24:56,829 Speaker 1: I also think that when it comes to talking about 493 00:24:56,909 --> 00:25:01,229 Speaker 1: hopeless dads, what we're really saying is is it okay. 494 00:25:00,909 --> 00:25:03,029 Speaker 3: To let them like back to that idea? 495 00:25:03,189 --> 00:25:08,349 Speaker 1: Yeah, So, for instance, a dad I know who shall 496 00:25:08,469 --> 00:25:14,029 Speaker 1: remain nameless, it's not great at matching the kid's clothes 497 00:25:14,069 --> 00:25:14,669 Speaker 1: to the weather. 498 00:25:15,989 --> 00:25:20,309 Speaker 2: Yeah, Just a hypothetical is that dad good at matching 499 00:25:20,309 --> 00:25:22,029 Speaker 2: his own clothes to the weather, because I have a 500 00:25:22,029 --> 00:25:24,189 Speaker 2: lot of men who are not. For example, my own 501 00:25:24,229 --> 00:25:25,189 Speaker 2: father would. 502 00:25:25,029 --> 00:25:27,589 Speaker 1: Be in short, great point, it's a really great point. 503 00:25:27,989 --> 00:25:31,829 Speaker 1: And the question becomes do I let them? Meaning do 504 00:25:31,909 --> 00:25:35,749 Speaker 1: I let the children go out without jumpers on and 505 00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:40,229 Speaker 1: let this hypothetical father allow that to happen, or do 506 00:25:40,469 --> 00:25:43,269 Speaker 1: I intervene and say this is going to lead to 507 00:25:43,309 --> 00:25:47,029 Speaker 1: misery and can we not just put the jumper on 508 00:25:47,069 --> 00:25:49,429 Speaker 1: before we leave the house. And that can set the 509 00:25:49,429 --> 00:25:51,389 Speaker 1: heart of a lot of these questions, because it's like, 510 00:25:52,189 --> 00:25:53,069 Speaker 1: do I just let them? 511 00:25:53,109 --> 00:25:54,229 Speaker 3: Do I just let them go? 512 00:25:54,309 --> 00:25:57,189 Speaker 2: I'm I'm team let them, because you know what'll happen. 513 00:25:57,269 --> 00:25:59,549 Speaker 2: They'll get to the park or they'll get outside and 514 00:25:59,589 --> 00:26:02,629 Speaker 2: they'll start change and they'll say I'm very cold, and 515 00:26:02,669 --> 00:26:05,589 Speaker 2: then probably you'll get a call saying. 516 00:26:05,429 --> 00:26:09,909 Speaker 3: Yes, can you please. But you know what, the other 517 00:26:09,949 --> 00:26:12,869 Speaker 3: thing too, which is really annoying, Sometimes it works out 518 00:26:12,869 --> 00:26:16,149 Speaker 3: for them, and that's even more irritating because you'll fret 519 00:26:16,189 --> 00:26:18,309 Speaker 3: about something like that about your child going out without 520 00:26:18,309 --> 00:26:21,989 Speaker 3: their jumper, and then they'll come back incident free, nothing's 521 00:26:22,029 --> 00:26:24,709 Speaker 3: been said, and so really the dads are just working smarter, 522 00:26:24,829 --> 00:26:28,189 Speaker 3: not harder, and worrying less about things. Things and getting 523 00:26:28,189 --> 00:26:29,829 Speaker 3: away with it. So maybe we need to take a 524 00:26:29,909 --> 00:26:30,629 Speaker 3: leap out of their. 525 00:26:30,549 --> 00:26:35,749 Speaker 2: Book good Night to the Bedtime Story. Lauren Ironmonger wrote 526 00:26:35,749 --> 00:26:38,069 Speaker 2: for The Sydney Morning Herald last weekend that the number 527 00:26:38,109 --> 00:26:40,709 Speaker 2: of parents reading aloud to their children is at an 528 00:26:40,749 --> 00:26:45,269 Speaker 2: all time low. This research comes from Harpercollin's UK, which 529 00:26:45,269 --> 00:26:48,469 Speaker 2: found that less than half of parents of kids under 530 00:26:48,509 --> 00:26:52,669 Speaker 2: thirteen said reading aloud to children was fun for me. 531 00:26:53,469 --> 00:26:55,789 Speaker 2: And can I just say on this, I think it's 532 00:26:55,829 --> 00:26:58,229 Speaker 2: a very different question saying do you read to your kids? 533 00:26:58,349 --> 00:27:00,469 Speaker 3: Do you think it's fun for me? Those two things 534 00:27:00,469 --> 00:27:01,429 Speaker 3: are not the same. 535 00:27:01,749 --> 00:27:05,349 Speaker 2: I think reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar for the fifteenth time, 536 00:27:05,349 --> 00:27:07,749 Speaker 2: I wouldn't describe it as fun. I'd describe it as something, 537 00:27:08,149 --> 00:27:11,589 Speaker 2: but fun would not be it. Australian data found that 538 00:27:11,669 --> 00:27:14,589 Speaker 2: many parents can't fit in daily reading with their kids, 539 00:27:14,909 --> 00:27:18,589 Speaker 2: and just quickly this article goes into why it's even important. First, 540 00:27:18,589 --> 00:27:21,789 Speaker 2: it's massive for literacy skills, but it also strengthens the 541 00:27:21,789 --> 00:27:24,229 Speaker 2: parent child bond. It sends a message to your child 542 00:27:24,229 --> 00:27:25,829 Speaker 2: that at the end of the day, they are the 543 00:27:25,829 --> 00:27:30,269 Speaker 2: most important thing. Amelia. Do you think culturally we started 544 00:27:30,269 --> 00:27:34,869 Speaker 2: to see reading as something that a child does at 545 00:27:35,109 --> 00:27:39,789 Speaker 2: preschool or school, and therefore it doesn't have to be 546 00:27:39,829 --> 00:27:41,709 Speaker 2: done at home. We've outsourced it a bit. 547 00:27:41,949 --> 00:27:44,669 Speaker 1: I think that's such a good question, and I think, 548 00:27:45,589 --> 00:27:49,629 Speaker 1: very sadly, the answer is pretty clearly yes. And it 549 00:27:49,709 --> 00:27:52,349 Speaker 1: dawned on me recently that I am very much part 550 00:27:52,389 --> 00:27:54,829 Speaker 1: of the problem here. I take my kids to swimming 551 00:27:54,909 --> 00:27:58,229 Speaker 1: practice on a Sunday and I sit there and I 552 00:27:58,309 --> 00:28:01,469 Speaker 1: doom scol on my phone and feel my anxiety spiral, 553 00:28:02,469 --> 00:28:05,909 Speaker 1: and instead I should be reading a book. So last 554 00:28:05,949 --> 00:28:08,869 Speaker 1: week I took along Stephen King's Misery, which I've never read. 555 00:28:09,469 --> 00:28:11,149 Speaker 1: I was like, this, Stephen King. 556 00:28:11,269 --> 00:28:15,189 Speaker 2: It's good author, He's actually writing something. 557 00:28:15,829 --> 00:28:19,189 Speaker 1: And then I realized I was role modeling for my children, 558 00:28:19,229 --> 00:28:21,709 Speaker 1: who I'm always sort of flinging books at and telling 559 00:28:21,749 --> 00:28:24,149 Speaker 1: them to read. That reading can be fun. 560 00:28:24,869 --> 00:28:25,549 Speaker 3: That's so true. 561 00:28:25,589 --> 00:28:28,709 Speaker 2: And did you was it a paper copy? Like a yeah, real. 562 00:28:28,669 --> 00:28:31,829 Speaker 1: Hard paperback with a really like spooky looking cover that 563 00:28:31,909 --> 00:28:34,349 Speaker 1: my kids are obsessed with. Because, by the way, physical 564 00:28:34,389 --> 00:28:37,269 Speaker 1: books are kind of intriguing. You remember that idea, like, yeah, 565 00:28:37,349 --> 00:28:39,269 Speaker 1: a cover of a book is meant to entice you 566 00:28:39,349 --> 00:28:41,669 Speaker 1: into it. And so when I was reading this book, 567 00:28:41,709 --> 00:28:44,389 Speaker 1: they're like, misery, what's that book about? And it was 568 00:28:44,469 --> 00:28:48,349 Speaker 1: just it occasioned a great conversation that said, I, this 569 00:28:48,389 --> 00:28:50,869 Speaker 1: is a work in progress for me too. I am 570 00:28:50,909 --> 00:28:53,229 Speaker 1: exhausted at the end of the day and sometimes it 571 00:28:53,309 --> 00:28:56,469 Speaker 1: is easier for me to throw on an audiobook on 572 00:28:56,509 --> 00:28:58,789 Speaker 1: the Bluetooth speaker and then I can go and stack 573 00:28:58,829 --> 00:29:02,269 Speaker 1: the dishwasher while they're falling asleep. And I haven't felt 574 00:29:02,269 --> 00:29:05,949 Speaker 1: too guilty about that, because literacy experts do say that 575 00:29:06,069 --> 00:29:08,189 Speaker 1: listening to an audiobook can build all sorts of really 576 00:29:08,189 --> 00:29:12,469 Speaker 1: important literacy skills, such as coprehension and vocabulary, and they're 577 00:29:12,509 --> 00:29:15,509 Speaker 1: often read by fantastic actors, and so they're getting this 578 00:29:16,149 --> 00:29:19,869 Speaker 1: really entertaining story read to them probably better. It's better 579 00:29:19,909 --> 00:29:22,389 Speaker 1: read by Emma Thompson than it is by me, for instance, 580 00:29:22,389 --> 00:29:25,389 Speaker 1: because we were reading Matilda on audiobook. So yeah, I 581 00:29:25,429 --> 00:29:28,309 Speaker 1: haven't feel too guilty about that. But that was until 582 00:29:28,349 --> 00:29:31,509 Speaker 1: I read this article and it made that really important 583 00:29:31,509 --> 00:29:34,749 Speaker 1: point that you referenced Jesse, that you're not just reading 584 00:29:34,789 --> 00:29:38,109 Speaker 1: to them to teach them how to read. You're reading 585 00:29:38,149 --> 00:29:41,589 Speaker 1: to them to show them that actually the dishwasher is 586 00:29:41,669 --> 00:29:46,189 Speaker 1: less important than us spending some time together and you know, okay, 587 00:29:46,189 --> 00:29:47,989 Speaker 1: I'm just adding that to another list of things I'm. 588 00:29:49,069 --> 00:29:51,549 Speaker 3: But that's the thing as well, is that usually now 589 00:29:51,589 --> 00:29:54,349 Speaker 3: there's in a lot of households, it's two working parents. 590 00:29:54,589 --> 00:29:56,869 Speaker 3: You're getting home later sometimes. I mean I get home 591 00:29:56,909 --> 00:30:00,309 Speaker 3: at six thirty seven o'clock from work to then try 592 00:30:00,349 --> 00:30:03,189 Speaker 3: an organize dinner, eat together, which we're also doing wrong 593 00:30:03,229 --> 00:30:05,909 Speaker 3: that we're never eating together now, and get your kids 594 00:30:05,909 --> 00:30:08,149 Speaker 3: to sleep. Something has to give, and so I think 595 00:30:08,189 --> 00:30:11,309 Speaker 3: we are probably guilty of just replacing that, as you say, 596 00:30:11,309 --> 00:30:14,189 Speaker 3: with I always use sleep stories, audiobooks. We've got like 597 00:30:14,189 --> 00:30:16,429 Speaker 3: the Yoto player with the little cards that my daughter 598 00:30:16,429 --> 00:30:19,069 Speaker 3: can listen to. And so yeah, we're just kind of 599 00:30:19,109 --> 00:30:21,989 Speaker 3: unwittingly putting our kids at a disadvantage by not sitting 600 00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:23,949 Speaker 3: down and doing reading with them in the interest of 601 00:30:24,029 --> 00:30:24,989 Speaker 3: cutting a bit of time. 602 00:30:25,349 --> 00:30:29,269 Speaker 2: I wonder if the story here is more about adults 603 00:30:29,309 --> 00:30:33,189 Speaker 2: aren't reading, because this research came out as well that 604 00:30:33,429 --> 00:30:38,029 Speaker 2: the book industry broadly adults aren't going and buying books. 605 00:30:38,109 --> 00:30:43,429 Speaker 2: That's absolutely tanked. And as you say, Amelia, if we're 606 00:30:43,509 --> 00:30:47,669 Speaker 2: not modeling it, and therefore it does seem like a 607 00:30:47,709 --> 00:30:51,229 Speaker 2: biggest step. I always find this with reading, that there's 608 00:30:51,269 --> 00:30:52,869 Speaker 2: a big block if you haven't done it for a while, 609 00:30:53,589 --> 00:30:56,269 Speaker 2: and you can feel like it's harder, and then it's 610 00:30:56,269 --> 00:30:59,509 Speaker 2: a muscle like reading is genuinely a muscle that gets weak. 611 00:31:00,309 --> 00:31:03,749 Speaker 2: And so I was reading about this because it's something 612 00:31:03,789 --> 00:31:05,709 Speaker 2: I really really worry about us during this event with 613 00:31:05,749 --> 00:31:08,309 Speaker 2: this academic whose name is Sophie g And she was 614 00:31:08,349 --> 00:31:11,949 Speaker 2: saying that not reading is worse for you than vaping. 615 00:31:12,949 --> 00:31:16,069 Speaker 2: That for the brain, like it is so important for 616 00:31:16,109 --> 00:31:21,669 Speaker 2: everything from memory to empathy to just all these cognitive 617 00:31:21,709 --> 00:31:25,469 Speaker 2: skills and the ability especially to read deeply. That's not 618 00:31:26,469 --> 00:31:29,469 Speaker 2: innate and we have not evolved to read. Every single 619 00:31:29,549 --> 00:31:32,709 Speaker 2: generation has to learn how to read. And in order 620 00:31:32,709 --> 00:31:35,549 Speaker 2: to learn how to read, it takes like years of 621 00:31:35,589 --> 00:31:38,829 Speaker 2: deep focus. Reading is one of you cannot do it 622 00:31:38,869 --> 00:31:39,869 Speaker 2: while you're doing anything else. 623 00:31:39,949 --> 00:31:42,709 Speaker 1: No, and some people never get that. Travis Kelsey recently 624 00:31:42,749 --> 00:31:44,549 Speaker 1: came out and that you can't really read. 625 00:31:44,869 --> 00:31:47,469 Speaker 2: So that's what I was reading about. Even the Naplan 626 00:31:47,669 --> 00:31:50,629 Speaker 2: results came out recently and they said that Ozzie kids 627 00:31:50,669 --> 00:31:52,909 Speaker 2: have sunk to an all time low in terms of 628 00:31:53,029 --> 00:31:57,429 Speaker 2: reading and writing skills, and low literacy is an issue 629 00:31:57,469 --> 00:32:00,949 Speaker 2: among a lot of adults and low literacy. I found 630 00:32:00,949 --> 00:32:03,229 Speaker 2: this interesting. It was saying that actually being able to go, 631 00:32:03,269 --> 00:32:04,709 Speaker 2: I know what the words on the page mean is 632 00:32:05,109 --> 00:32:07,709 Speaker 2: one thing, but the step that seems to be missing 633 00:32:07,789 --> 00:32:10,269 Speaker 2: is then understanding what those words mean and all. So 634 00:32:10,349 --> 00:32:12,669 Speaker 2: the ability do you see the article in The Atlantic 635 00:32:12,709 --> 00:32:14,869 Speaker 2: recently about college students who had never read a book. 636 00:32:15,509 --> 00:32:18,749 Speaker 2: It was so the ability to sit down and read 637 00:32:18,789 --> 00:32:21,629 Speaker 2: a book beginning to end is also a skill that 638 00:32:21,709 --> 00:32:24,269 Speaker 2: you can lose, and so deep reading is being able 639 00:32:24,269 --> 00:32:26,109 Speaker 2: to sit with something for a long time, follow it, 640 00:32:26,709 --> 00:32:29,229 Speaker 2: like go to work the next day, kind of remember 641 00:32:29,229 --> 00:32:31,829 Speaker 2: where you were. And even though it feels so hard, 642 00:32:31,869 --> 00:32:34,909 Speaker 2: it's like, you know, we've spoken about pikiitas and stuff 643 00:32:34,949 --> 00:32:36,309 Speaker 2: on this show, and you know how they always say, 644 00:32:36,349 --> 00:32:39,269 Speaker 2: like on the plate, they're not going to eat the brocoli, 645 00:32:39,269 --> 00:32:40,589 Speaker 2: but you've got to have broccoli on the plate. 646 00:32:40,749 --> 00:32:41,829 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you got. 647 00:32:42,509 --> 00:32:44,149 Speaker 2: He's got to be an option. It's like having the 648 00:32:44,189 --> 00:32:48,109 Speaker 2: books in the house. See before I speak about kindle, right, 649 00:32:48,149 --> 00:32:50,429 Speaker 2: because I've gone to that because I'm trying to at 650 00:32:50,509 --> 00:32:53,349 Speaker 2: night not have a lamp or anything on. But now 651 00:32:53,389 --> 00:32:55,149 Speaker 2: I think you should get a sleep divorce. Then you 652 00:32:55,149 --> 00:32:59,389 Speaker 2: don't have to worry about because lights on everywhere to 653 00:32:59,429 --> 00:33:01,229 Speaker 2: the age where Luna might be coloring in or something, 654 00:33:01,229 --> 00:33:03,989 Speaker 2: And I don't want her to see me constantly on 655 00:33:04,029 --> 00:33:05,829 Speaker 2: my phone, so I'll go and read, but it looks 656 00:33:05,829 --> 00:33:08,309 Speaker 2: like I'm on an iPad or a screen or a device, 657 00:33:08,509 --> 00:33:10,069 Speaker 2: and I think it's more important she sees me to 658 00:33:10,229 --> 00:33:10,709 Speaker 2: pag and. 659 00:33:10,669 --> 00:33:13,749 Speaker 1: It's also less interesting for her. She doesn't understand why 660 00:33:13,789 --> 00:33:17,549 Speaker 1: you're engaged with this Kendle as opposed to Stephen King's misery. 661 00:33:17,669 --> 00:33:19,669 Speaker 2: Yeah, she even goes into my room sometimes and when 662 00:33:19,669 --> 00:33:21,549 Speaker 2: I've got books next to my bed, like she loves 663 00:33:21,589 --> 00:33:24,109 Speaker 2: to flick through them and like look at the pages. 664 00:33:24,269 --> 00:33:27,269 Speaker 3: Yeah, my daughter often now pretend she's the librarian now 665 00:33:27,269 --> 00:33:29,709 Speaker 3: that they're doing that in school of and then I 666 00:33:29,829 --> 00:33:31,949 Speaker 3: have to go and borrow books from her. And it 667 00:33:32,109 --> 00:33:34,069 Speaker 3: is just such a yeah, like it's a tangible thing. 668 00:33:34,109 --> 00:33:36,149 Speaker 3: It's not the same as having it on a device. 669 00:33:36,349 --> 00:33:36,709 Speaker 3: This is it. 670 00:33:36,829 --> 00:33:39,629 Speaker 2: This is a humble brag. But Luna was going through 671 00:33:39,669 --> 00:33:44,109 Speaker 2: our bookcase in our study recently and got a book 672 00:33:44,149 --> 00:33:45,669 Speaker 2: down and it was one of my books, and she 673 00:33:45,709 --> 00:33:47,029 Speaker 2: went to the back and was a picture of me, 674 00:33:47,109 --> 00:33:54,069 Speaker 2: and she went Mummy to explain that is, and I 675 00:33:54,509 --> 00:33:56,869 Speaker 2: mum's an English teacher, so like this is a special 676 00:33:56,909 --> 00:33:59,349 Speaker 2: interest area. But like I grew up and there was 677 00:33:59,389 --> 00:34:01,869 Speaker 2: always a book in the and the way that you 678 00:34:01,909 --> 00:34:03,909 Speaker 2: would just go on and they're. 679 00:34:03,749 --> 00:34:06,069 Speaker 1: So intriguing when you're a kid as well. 680 00:34:05,869 --> 00:34:08,309 Speaker 2: You'd always find a naughty one and you'd go, I 681 00:34:08,309 --> 00:34:12,589 Speaker 2: will be reading that privately. Absolutely great. You're putting words together. 682 00:34:12,669 --> 00:34:16,669 Speaker 2: That's wonderful, or like names that I would see your covers. 683 00:34:16,749 --> 00:34:19,749 Speaker 1: I still remember when my parents love books and reading 684 00:34:20,029 --> 00:34:22,509 Speaker 1: and they have bookshelves all around the house, and there 685 00:34:22,549 --> 00:34:24,629 Speaker 1: was a Joan Diddian book called The White Album. 686 00:34:24,909 --> 00:34:26,869 Speaker 3: I just had a completely white cover. 687 00:34:26,749 --> 00:34:29,749 Speaker 1: And this blew my mind. How can you have a 688 00:34:29,789 --> 00:34:31,229 Speaker 1: cover that has nothing on? 689 00:34:31,269 --> 00:34:34,789 Speaker 2: It's a It's so true the physicality of books. And 690 00:34:34,789 --> 00:34:37,189 Speaker 2: apparently as well, they're finding that the print book is 691 00:34:37,229 --> 00:34:38,829 Speaker 2: a totally different experience to read it. 692 00:34:38,829 --> 00:34:41,829 Speaker 1: It's just the object of the print book is so special. 693 00:34:42,429 --> 00:34:45,309 Speaker 1: And in a world where we have so few objects 694 00:34:45,309 --> 00:34:47,869 Speaker 1: that are special, because even our photos are on our 695 00:34:47,909 --> 00:34:52,469 Speaker 1: phone and we don't have DVDs anymore or videos, I 696 00:34:52,509 --> 00:34:56,629 Speaker 1: think that's a portal into reading. Yes, is to give 697 00:34:56,749 --> 00:34:59,749 Speaker 1: kids the opportunity to be mystified by a book with 698 00:34:59,789 --> 00:35:00,709 Speaker 1: a white cover. 699 00:35:00,749 --> 00:35:03,269 Speaker 2: And the smell. The smell of a book, Yeah, I 700 00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:06,269 Speaker 2: love the smells. Producer Ruth was telling us that the 701 00:35:06,309 --> 00:35:08,349 Speaker 2: reason we love the smell of old books so much 702 00:35:08,509 --> 00:35:10,869 Speaker 2: is because they smell as they ink and the paper 703 00:35:10,909 --> 00:35:13,749 Speaker 2: and everything break down. It smells like vanilla, which is 704 00:35:13,789 --> 00:35:17,589 Speaker 2: such a homely warm like. I'm thinking, there are a 705 00:35:17,589 --> 00:35:20,589 Speaker 2: few things to me more comforting than that smell. And 706 00:35:20,629 --> 00:35:22,789 Speaker 2: you can get like fragrances or candles or whatever in 707 00:35:22,829 --> 00:35:25,069 Speaker 2: your house to make it smell like that, which I'm like, 708 00:35:25,189 --> 00:35:27,069 Speaker 2: I just want to fill my whole house that smell 709 00:35:27,109 --> 00:35:28,269 Speaker 2: of like an old, old book. 710 00:35:28,309 --> 00:35:30,189 Speaker 1: And I also want to know that Producer Ruth is 711 00:35:30,229 --> 00:35:32,469 Speaker 1: the best smelling person at Mum and Men. She knows 712 00:35:32,509 --> 00:35:33,389 Speaker 1: what she's talking about. 713 00:35:33,589 --> 00:35:35,949 Speaker 3: I wonder if it's also that we're a bit more 714 00:35:36,069 --> 00:35:38,869 Speaker 3: sensitive about what we're reading now and what we're reading 715 00:35:38,869 --> 00:35:42,269 Speaker 3: to our children now. The other week, my daughter brings 716 00:35:42,269 --> 00:35:44,909 Speaker 3: home a library book every week from pre K and 717 00:35:44,949 --> 00:35:46,709 Speaker 3: she loves it. It's like a big event to bring 718 00:35:46,749 --> 00:35:48,829 Speaker 3: it home in the bag, which is great. But this 719 00:35:48,909 --> 00:35:51,909 Speaker 3: week she brought home the Ugly Duckling, and I found 720 00:35:51,949 --> 00:35:54,829 Speaker 3: myself as I was reading it to her, feeling weird 721 00:35:54,829 --> 00:35:58,109 Speaker 3: about even using the word ugly, and I think that's 722 00:35:58,109 --> 00:35:59,949 Speaker 3: something that's coming up a lot now with books like 723 00:35:59,949 --> 00:36:02,349 Speaker 3: even Roll Dahl's books a couple of years ago were 724 00:36:02,389 --> 00:36:05,789 Speaker 3: rewritten to remove the words ugly and fat. And so 725 00:36:05,829 --> 00:36:07,869 Speaker 3: I think maybe we're not reading as many of the 726 00:36:07,869 --> 00:36:10,869 Speaker 3: stories that we loved as kids, worried that they'll be inappropriate, 727 00:36:10,909 --> 00:36:13,949 Speaker 3: and so we're not enjoying it. Therefore we're doing it true. 728 00:36:14,029 --> 00:36:16,989 Speaker 1: I have two examples of that from recently. We have 729 00:36:17,069 --> 00:36:20,909 Speaker 1: a copy of Role Does Revolting Rhymes, which I remember loving. 730 00:36:20,989 --> 00:36:24,749 Speaker 1: It's actually my copy, and I was reading it one 731 00:36:24,829 --> 00:36:27,709 Speaker 1: day to the kids and I just suddenly my eyes 732 00:36:27,829 --> 00:36:30,629 Speaker 1: lit upon the next word, and the next word was slut. 733 00:36:31,349 --> 00:36:36,069 Speaker 1: Oh that's a really hard word to explain meaning to kids, 734 00:36:36,189 --> 00:36:39,789 Speaker 1: I find. And then the second example was had a 735 00:36:39,829 --> 00:36:42,269 Speaker 1: really nice time reading the line the Witch and the 736 00:36:42,309 --> 00:36:45,229 Speaker 1: Wardrobe with one of my kids. But gosh, that's a 737 00:36:45,269 --> 00:36:48,549 Speaker 1: weird book, is it. There's a lot going on in there. 738 00:36:48,749 --> 00:36:52,829 Speaker 1: It's essentially a Christian allegory, which is fine. I don't 739 00:36:52,869 --> 00:36:56,629 Speaker 1: mean to say that's weird, but it does raise a 740 00:36:56,629 --> 00:37:00,349 Speaker 1: lot of questions about what the book is actually trying 741 00:37:00,389 --> 00:37:04,229 Speaker 1: to say and what the wardrobe is a metaphor for. 742 00:37:04,349 --> 00:37:07,509 Speaker 1: And you just find yourself going down some garden paths 743 00:37:07,549 --> 00:37:10,069 Speaker 1: that maybe you didn't expect that you'd be going down 744 00:37:10,349 --> 00:37:10,989 Speaker 1: at bedtime. 745 00:37:11,189 --> 00:37:13,589 Speaker 2: Yeah, there are some. My mum brings a lot of 746 00:37:13,629 --> 00:37:16,709 Speaker 2: classics over. Did you ever read There's a Hippopotamus on 747 00:37:16,709 --> 00:37:19,509 Speaker 2: my roof edding cake? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, so we're big. 748 00:37:19,709 --> 00:37:23,869 Speaker 2: We read that fifty Well, I'm sorry, but that there's 749 00:37:23,869 --> 00:37:27,109 Speaker 2: one that's like Mummy's on a diet, she has salad cheese. 750 00:37:27,469 --> 00:37:28,869 Speaker 2: I read that every day and I'm like, this is 751 00:37:29,589 --> 00:37:33,189 Speaker 2: this is a bit weir diet. But those ones, right, 752 00:37:33,829 --> 00:37:37,509 Speaker 2: are brilliant. They're nonsensical, they're wonderful. I watch Luna just 753 00:37:37,549 --> 00:37:38,669 Speaker 2: look at the roof and I'm like, just thinks of 754 00:37:38,669 --> 00:37:41,109 Speaker 2: the hippotamus in there, and I don't made it. But 755 00:37:41,189 --> 00:37:43,269 Speaker 2: Mum always says that a lot of the newer ones 756 00:37:43,469 --> 00:37:46,989 Speaker 2: are quite sanitized, and they're trying out there, trying to 757 00:37:47,069 --> 00:37:47,949 Speaker 2: hit you over the head. 758 00:37:48,669 --> 00:37:50,149 Speaker 1: Girls doing stem. 759 00:37:50,109 --> 00:37:53,429 Speaker 2: Yes, exactly right. And it's like school has done this 760 00:37:53,469 --> 00:37:58,069 Speaker 2: a little bit too. They made reading into hard work 761 00:37:58,469 --> 00:38:04,109 Speaker 2: in terms of reading for knowledge or like reading for 762 00:38:05,149 --> 00:38:09,749 Speaker 2: moral like lesson instead of just reading for pleasure, and like, 763 00:38:09,789 --> 00:38:12,389 Speaker 2: I say, a pleasure that Luna gets from hippopotamus and 764 00:38:12,429 --> 00:38:15,709 Speaker 2: I'm like, let's just let's learn our colors later, and 765 00:38:15,789 --> 00:38:18,389 Speaker 2: let's just go to hippopotamus eating cay on. The ugly 766 00:38:18,469 --> 00:38:20,709 Speaker 2: duckling thing. When I was a kid, I asked my 767 00:38:20,789 --> 00:38:22,429 Speaker 2: nan if I was pretty. She lived with us, and 768 00:38:22,469 --> 00:38:23,949 Speaker 2: I was like five or six, and I said, nanam 769 00:38:23,949 --> 00:38:25,749 Speaker 2: my pretty? And she said, you're an ugly duckling. 770 00:38:25,869 --> 00:38:27,469 Speaker 1: Oh. 771 00:38:27,509 --> 00:38:30,429 Speaker 2: She died before I grew up, And so I still wonder. 772 00:38:30,469 --> 00:38:32,709 Speaker 2: I'm like, did I ever turn to the one nan? 773 00:38:32,909 --> 00:38:38,749 Speaker 3: You're you're a Swan. It's time for our recommendations of 774 00:38:38,789 --> 00:38:40,509 Speaker 3: the week. So Jesse, do you want to go first? 775 00:38:40,829 --> 00:38:41,109 Speaker 1: Sure? 776 00:38:41,229 --> 00:38:45,069 Speaker 2: On the topic of books, I remembered, don't you find 777 00:38:45,109 --> 00:38:47,229 Speaker 2: that it's really hard to buy gifts for like grandparents 778 00:38:47,269 --> 00:38:50,549 Speaker 2: and like comes around and you're like, oh, it's my 779 00:38:50,709 --> 00:38:53,189 Speaker 2: mom And speaking of hopeless dads, it's their mom. 780 00:38:53,989 --> 00:38:56,149 Speaker 1: Whatever, give me a hand cream? Can you? 781 00:38:56,149 --> 00:38:57,869 Speaker 2: You can't know? And what am I like, I'm not 782 00:38:57,909 --> 00:39:00,869 Speaker 2: going to get her like a nice blouse. She's going 783 00:39:00,949 --> 00:39:01,949 Speaker 2: to be like, this is disgusting. 784 00:39:02,029 --> 00:39:04,989 Speaker 1: I always needs to get my Nana every Christmas a 785 00:39:05,109 --> 00:39:09,669 Speaker 1: jar of oil of olay and that smell still takes 786 00:39:09,669 --> 00:39:11,869 Speaker 1: me a bad looking of a nostalgic cell. But I 787 00:39:11,869 --> 00:39:12,549 Speaker 1: won't want that. 788 00:39:12,789 --> 00:39:15,069 Speaker 2: She won't want that. So what I got was I 789 00:39:15,109 --> 00:39:18,189 Speaker 2: went on Etsy and there are heaps of examples of this, 790 00:39:18,309 --> 00:39:22,429 Speaker 2: but I went on Etsy and found this company that 791 00:39:22,709 --> 00:39:26,989 Speaker 2: makes personalized children's books. So this one is about going 792 00:39:26,989 --> 00:39:29,589 Speaker 2: to Nana's house. And you can say, like, when I 793 00:39:29,629 --> 00:39:32,029 Speaker 2: go to Nana's house, there's a blah and like you 794 00:39:32,069 --> 00:39:35,149 Speaker 2: can put in all the little bet and they've even 795 00:39:35,189 --> 00:39:37,589 Speaker 2: got like put in three words to describe your Nana. 796 00:39:37,629 --> 00:39:42,229 Speaker 2: And I'm like crazy, weird, annoying, just a troll maya. 797 00:39:42,629 --> 00:39:44,989 Speaker 2: But it's all about a day at Nana's house. So 798 00:39:45,029 --> 00:39:48,109 Speaker 2: it's and I made one for me and I made 799 00:39:48,109 --> 00:39:51,909 Speaker 2: one for my mum. And they're just the cutest, most personalized. 800 00:39:51,949 --> 00:39:54,549 Speaker 2: It has their names, it has whatever they call their 801 00:39:54,549 --> 00:39:58,389 Speaker 2: grandmother on the front, and they're just so so sweet. 802 00:39:58,429 --> 00:40:00,349 Speaker 2: So this was on Etsy from Lucy and Co. We 803 00:40:00,389 --> 00:40:01,909 Speaker 2: have a link in our show notes, but there are 804 00:40:01,909 --> 00:40:04,549 Speaker 2: heaps and heaps online and they are just a lovely, 805 00:40:04,909 --> 00:40:05,989 Speaker 2: thoughtful little gift. 806 00:40:06,309 --> 00:40:08,989 Speaker 1: My recommendation is something that I have not used in 807 00:40:09,189 --> 00:40:11,469 Speaker 1: quite a few years, but which I still like to 808 00:40:11,589 --> 00:40:15,669 Speaker 1: gift to new parents. And it is a fabulous product 809 00:40:15,909 --> 00:40:18,269 Speaker 1: that there's a little bit of a story behind. So 810 00:40:18,429 --> 00:40:21,029 Speaker 1: I used to do a show on Mama Mia many 811 00:40:21,069 --> 00:40:24,149 Speaker 1: years ago with Mia called Temmy It's going to Be Okay. 812 00:40:24,909 --> 00:40:28,869 Speaker 1: It was a show which we conceived of and started 813 00:40:28,909 --> 00:40:32,469 Speaker 1: doing after Donald Trump was elected. And I think the 814 00:40:32,509 --> 00:40:34,909 Speaker 1: title kind of summarizes where I had space is that 815 00:40:36,189 --> 00:40:39,909 Speaker 1: it literally came to a screeching halt about two years 816 00:40:39,909 --> 00:40:43,069 Speaker 1: in when we realized that we could no longer tell 817 00:40:43,109 --> 00:40:44,469 Speaker 1: each other it was going to be okay. 818 00:40:44,789 --> 00:40:46,469 Speaker 2: So it's never come back. 819 00:40:46,509 --> 00:40:48,469 Speaker 3: Has it come back? 820 00:40:49,429 --> 00:40:53,029 Speaker 1: But it was a fun experience and we had a 821 00:40:53,189 --> 00:40:57,109 Speaker 1: small but devoted cadre of listeners and one of them 822 00:40:58,029 --> 00:41:02,069 Speaker 1: was a lovely lady who lived in Neutral Bay in Sydney, 823 00:41:02,509 --> 00:41:06,269 Speaker 1: and she sent me an invention of hers called the 824 00:41:06,509 --> 00:41:11,869 Speaker 1: baby Origami rap. Now this I've saved my life when 825 00:41:11,869 --> 00:41:14,869 Speaker 1: I had my first baby, because you know how the 826 00:41:14,909 --> 00:41:17,509 Speaker 1: world is divided into people who are good at oragami 827 00:41:17,549 --> 00:41:20,509 Speaker 1: and people who aren't. Yeah, I'm one of the people 828 00:41:20,549 --> 00:41:22,549 Speaker 1: who's not me or anything. 829 00:41:22,589 --> 00:41:26,029 Speaker 2: I think it takes like patience and Grace think. 830 00:41:25,909 --> 00:41:28,829 Speaker 1: That neither of those things exactly. So this is called 831 00:41:28,829 --> 00:41:32,109 Speaker 1: the Baby ore Agami Rap because if you've never mastered swaddling, 832 00:41:32,509 --> 00:41:35,989 Speaker 1: it makes it literally impossible not. 833 00:41:36,069 --> 00:41:38,029 Speaker 3: To correctly swaddle the baby. 834 00:41:38,229 --> 00:41:40,869 Speaker 1: So I think Nick Cannon could do with one of these, 835 00:41:41,709 --> 00:41:45,549 Speaker 1: and I think that Nelly could do with ye. And 836 00:41:45,789 --> 00:41:48,189 Speaker 1: I really got a lot of use out of it. Basically, 837 00:41:48,229 --> 00:41:51,069 Speaker 1: it's numbered. It's a sort of a step by step 838 00:41:51,229 --> 00:41:53,229 Speaker 1: numbered way to swaddle your baby. 839 00:41:53,349 --> 00:41:55,549 Speaker 2: And it's super tight, like it does everything you're. 840 00:41:55,429 --> 00:41:58,389 Speaker 1: Tight, and it's made of beautiful one hundred percent cotton. 841 00:41:58,989 --> 00:42:01,789 Speaker 1: It's really easy to wash, and I just love gifting 842 00:42:01,829 --> 00:42:04,949 Speaker 1: them to people because swaddling is just so hard and 843 00:42:05,069 --> 00:42:07,109 Speaker 1: so hard. I just never got it. 844 00:42:07,189 --> 00:42:08,109 Speaker 3: I never got it. 845 00:42:08,509 --> 00:42:11,269 Speaker 1: So it's called the Baby or a Army Rap, and 846 00:42:11,589 --> 00:42:16,229 Speaker 1: it is from an Australian company and a friend of 847 00:42:16,229 --> 00:42:18,909 Speaker 1: the pod. So thanks for saving my life. 848 00:42:19,029 --> 00:42:20,469 Speaker 2: How about you, Stacey? What's your reco? 849 00:42:20,629 --> 00:42:20,949 Speaker 1: Okay? 850 00:42:21,029 --> 00:42:24,709 Speaker 3: So I am rubbish at imaginative play. I'm I'm just 851 00:42:24,749 --> 00:42:27,429 Speaker 3: not good. But the one toy I bought for my daughter, 852 00:42:27,549 --> 00:42:29,349 Speaker 3: I bought it nearly three years ago now and we 853 00:42:29,869 --> 00:42:32,949 Speaker 3: still play with these every single week, usually multiple times 854 00:42:32,989 --> 00:42:36,749 Speaker 3: a week, and they're those colored magnetic tiles. So I 855 00:42:36,789 --> 00:42:39,629 Speaker 3: haven't seen these, okay, So they're just different colors. You 856 00:42:39,629 --> 00:42:42,829 Speaker 3: can get like aesthetically pleasing pastel ones. You can get 857 00:42:42,829 --> 00:42:45,109 Speaker 3: the bright primary colors, whatever you want. They come in 858 00:42:45,109 --> 00:42:47,149 Speaker 3: different packs. You make it like eighty pieces or one 859 00:42:47,229 --> 00:42:50,749 Speaker 3: hundred pieces, and they're just magnetic squares and triangles and 860 00:42:50,789 --> 00:42:53,229 Speaker 3: they all kind of you'll get a guide of different things. 861 00:42:53,269 --> 00:42:55,589 Speaker 3: You can build with them, or your kid can just 862 00:42:55,749 --> 00:42:57,509 Speaker 3: stack them up in a row like whatever. 863 00:42:57,629 --> 00:43:01,189 Speaker 2: Stage kind of like Lego, but it doesn't h ex sally. 864 00:43:01,469 --> 00:43:05,549 Speaker 1: They are flat easy to clean up because unlike Lego, 865 00:43:05,589 --> 00:43:06,149 Speaker 1: they're not like. 866 00:43:06,189 --> 00:43:09,789 Speaker 3: Little bits so it all sticks together. So they're very handy. 867 00:43:10,229 --> 00:43:12,789 Speaker 3: Them a lot to cafes or pubs or anything because 868 00:43:12,829 --> 00:43:15,029 Speaker 3: there's no mess, like if you're worried about them drawing 869 00:43:15,069 --> 00:43:17,389 Speaker 3: on a table at a cafe when you don't take 870 00:43:17,429 --> 00:43:20,029 Speaker 3: your kids to the point. Yes, I actually find I 871 00:43:20,029 --> 00:43:23,509 Speaker 3: get quite territorial, and I like move my creation away 872 00:43:23,509 --> 00:43:26,629 Speaker 3: from my daughter, like, don't mess with my color pattern 873 00:43:26,669 --> 00:43:28,469 Speaker 3: that I've made. But you can get like you can 874 00:43:28,509 --> 00:43:30,909 Speaker 3: get cheap versions of them at kmart. The ones I 875 00:43:30,909 --> 00:43:33,989 Speaker 3: got were on Amazon. I got them from Steam Studios 876 00:43:34,069 --> 00:43:36,029 Speaker 3: is one set, and then we got another set from 877 00:43:36,069 --> 00:43:38,789 Speaker 3: an Aussie startup called Kinetics with an X on the end, 878 00:43:39,509 --> 00:43:42,669 Speaker 3: and they're just so great. You can even create puzzles 879 00:43:42,669 --> 00:43:45,589 Speaker 3: for your kids, trace around the outside and then remove 880 00:43:45,629 --> 00:43:47,789 Speaker 3: the magnets, stick it up on the fridge and then 881 00:43:47,829 --> 00:43:49,949 Speaker 3: they have to fit in the shapes to the pattern 882 00:43:49,989 --> 00:43:53,469 Speaker 3: you've given them, and it takes some ages, really good distraction. 883 00:43:54,229 --> 00:43:57,589 Speaker 2: What age would you say you could start? So Luna's 884 00:43:57,669 --> 00:43:59,669 Speaker 2: just two? Yeah, is this something she could play with? 885 00:43:59,829 --> 00:44:04,269 Speaker 3: I bought them for her second birthday and she absolutely 886 00:44:04,429 --> 00:44:06,509 Speaker 3: loves them. Still they still do them every week. 887 00:44:06,549 --> 00:44:09,829 Speaker 1: I'm going to hijack the recommendation and say I wholeheartedly agree. 888 00:44:10,149 --> 00:44:12,949 Speaker 1: And recently I picked up the sort of like original 889 00:44:13,109 --> 00:44:16,949 Speaker 1: brand of the Magnetic Squares has now got a travel tin, 890 00:44:17,349 --> 00:44:20,549 Speaker 1: which is brilliant because they are sort of big, like 891 00:44:20,589 --> 00:44:23,429 Speaker 1: you wouldn't want to like pack them in a suitcase. 892 00:44:23,549 --> 00:44:26,149 Speaker 1: But now with this travel tin with the miniature ones, 893 00:44:26,149 --> 00:44:28,509 Speaker 1: they're so cute and you can now travel with them too. 894 00:44:28,789 --> 00:44:30,709 Speaker 2: I knew I was losing the plot a bit this 895 00:44:30,789 --> 00:44:34,789 Speaker 2: morning when I was thinking about my recommendation and Luna 896 00:44:34,829 --> 00:44:37,389 Speaker 2: this morning heard the garbage truck man, and we went 897 00:44:37,389 --> 00:44:40,069 Speaker 2: outside and saw that they all waved at her, and 898 00:44:40,109 --> 00:44:44,549 Speaker 2: I was like, I should recommend garbage truck and came aside, 899 00:44:44,669 --> 00:44:47,389 Speaker 2: Luna's not well, like she's had a running nose and stuff. 900 00:44:47,829 --> 00:44:52,829 Speaker 2: And I found on YouTube garbage truck man. Oh, and 901 00:44:52,869 --> 00:44:56,069 Speaker 2: it's just people emptying bins right, and I had it 902 00:44:56,149 --> 00:44:59,429 Speaker 2: up on YouTube and it was so meditative. 903 00:45:00,069 --> 00:45:00,869 Speaker 3: I was for me. 904 00:45:00,989 --> 00:45:02,869 Speaker 2: I was like, I'm not bored. I'm actually really it 905 00:45:02,909 --> 00:45:05,949 Speaker 2: was so satisfying, and I was like, what a great 906 00:45:06,069 --> 00:45:08,709 Speaker 2: job to just go and clean stuff up every day, 907 00:45:08,829 --> 00:45:11,189 Speaker 2: engage with the community. It was like, this is great. 908 00:45:11,189 --> 00:45:13,789 Speaker 2: We should just be watching and truck chip. 909 00:45:13,949 --> 00:45:16,949 Speaker 1: Kids are instinctively drawn to like some of the best 910 00:45:16,949 --> 00:45:19,829 Speaker 1: people in our community, people who pick up the rubbish, 911 00:45:20,109 --> 00:45:25,549 Speaker 1: the postman, the postman, firefighters, paleontologists. Don't know what's up. 912 00:45:25,589 --> 00:45:28,669 Speaker 2: They know where it's at. They know the actual hierarchy 913 00:45:28,909 --> 00:45:29,589 Speaker 2: of society. 914 00:45:29,629 --> 00:45:32,309 Speaker 3: I explayed to my daughter that those are jobs like 915 00:45:32,469 --> 00:45:34,629 Speaker 3: about a yoga because I think I realized because my 916 00:45:34,709 --> 00:45:36,629 Speaker 3: husband and I both writers, that she just thinks like 917 00:45:36,789 --> 00:45:39,749 Speaker 3: work is keyboard and that's a job you could go. 918 00:45:39,869 --> 00:45:43,869 Speaker 3: You don't have to be like us you can do that. 919 00:45:43,869 --> 00:45:46,429 Speaker 2: That is all we have time for on parenting out 920 00:45:46,469 --> 00:45:50,029 Speaker 2: loud today. And you know what my call parents? Where 921 00:45:50,029 --> 00:45:51,349 Speaker 2: can I go on a bit of parentally? 922 00:45:52,229 --> 00:45:53,309 Speaker 1: Are we going on a baby moon? 923 00:45:53,469 --> 00:45:55,909 Speaker 2: Well, we should go on a baby one. 924 00:45:55,829 --> 00:45:57,229 Speaker 3: Of these post natal retreats. 925 00:45:57,429 --> 00:45:58,069 Speaker 2: That's what we're doing. 926 00:45:58,109 --> 00:46:00,749 Speaker 3: We're going on a post post natal I hope that's okay. 927 00:46:00,869 --> 00:46:03,389 Speaker 2: Do you mean we're all post natal? We have producer 928 00:46:03,469 --> 00:46:06,069 Speaker 2: Ruth has grown up kids, she's postnatal. She needs a 929 00:46:06,109 --> 00:46:08,189 Speaker 2: post natal retreat. We all do. So we're going to 930 00:46:08,269 --> 00:46:09,629 Speaker 2: go off there. And it's been. 931 00:46:09,829 --> 00:46:13,629 Speaker 1: So the book centered, candle and just relaxed. 932 00:46:13,989 --> 00:46:15,989 Speaker 2: It has been so fun working with both of you, 933 00:46:16,109 --> 00:46:20,549 Speaker 2: Amelia and Stacy and having all of our listeners join us, 934 00:46:21,229 --> 00:46:22,909 Speaker 2: and we're keeping it open. 935 00:46:23,149 --> 00:46:25,669 Speaker 1: Well, maybe maybe the three of us can just get 936 00:46:25,709 --> 00:46:29,189 Speaker 1: together with some magnetic tie or create some things and 937 00:46:29,709 --> 00:46:32,069 Speaker 1: watch some trucks. 938 00:46:32,749 --> 00:46:34,109 Speaker 3: That's great, Let's go now. 939 00:46:36,069 --> 00:46:40,749 Speaker 2: Until next time. Bye,