WEBVTT - Parents Anonymous

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<v Speaker 1>So you're listening to another miir podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges

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<v Speaker 1>the traditional owners of the land. We have recorded this

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<v Speaker 1>podcast on the Gadigul people of the Eor nation. We

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<v Speaker 1>pay our respects to their elders past and present, and

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<v Speaker 1>extend that respect to all Aboriginal and torres Rate islander cultures.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi.

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<v Speaker 3>It's Annalise Todd here from this Glorious mess introducing Hot

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<v Speaker 3>Pod Summer, one hundred hours of curated listening across the

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<v Speaker 3>Mumamere network, just for you to escape the chaos and

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<v Speaker 3>enjoy with the kids at home and the weather warming up.

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<v Speaker 3>We've got episodes of little love Stories and Parents' Anonymous

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<v Speaker 3>to share. From the beginn to the yang. Parents Anonymous

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<v Speaker 3>is part game show, part church confessional. You share your

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<v Speaker 3>deepest parenting shame, and myself and Stacey Hicks rate you,

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<v Speaker 3>but the worst parenting wins the most points, so really

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<v Speaker 3>you can't lose. If you're looking for something else to

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<v Speaker 3>listen to, Mama Mia is officially presenting one hundred hours

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<v Speaker 3>of summer listens, from meaningful conversations to incredible stories, fashion,

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<v Speaker 3>beauty and more. There's a link in the show.

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<v Speaker 4>Notes Parents Anonymous welcome to this glorious mess. I'm Annalie's

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<v Speaker 4>single mum to two twain boys, and I mute my

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<v Speaker 4>kids sports WhatsApp groups. And I'm Stacy Hicks, the exhausted

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<v Speaker 4>mum of a very strong wheeled three year old girl.

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<v Speaker 4>And the bags under my eyes a country road I

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<v Speaker 4>got them on sale. Do you like them?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I would say they're more giving Gucci. I feel

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<v Speaker 3>like more high end than that.

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<v Speaker 4>Thanks, I appreciate that. So today, Stace, we're launching a

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<v Speaker 4>fun new episode within your Glorious mess weekly feed called

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<v Speaker 4>Parents Anonymous. Yes, Parents Anonymous is part church confessional, heart

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<v Speaker 4>game show and a whole lot of laughs, if we

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<v Speaker 4>do say so ourselves. The concept is pretty simple. You

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<v Speaker 4>tell us a story and get the guilt off your chest,

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<v Speaker 4>and we judge you for it. But we will also

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<v Speaker 4>be putting you in competition with two other parents, just

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<v Speaker 4>in case you didn't find parenting enough of a competition already.

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<v Speaker 4>But in this case, you get the most points for

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<v Speaker 4>being the worst parents, so there's no losing.

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<v Speaker 3>I think that's the best kind of competition. I agree,

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<v Speaker 3>I would like to be crowned worst parent. So we

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<v Speaker 3>put a call out to our listeners through TGM and

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<v Speaker 3>Mama Mia for your confessions, and from there we invite

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<v Speaker 3>our favorite three to step into the confessional and spill

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<v Speaker 3>the guilty tea.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, and we've never heard these before, So we're giving

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<v Speaker 4>you two minutes to tell your story, and then we

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<v Speaker 4>decide the best one based on hilariousness and creativity and

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<v Speaker 4>worse parentness and worse parentness.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes.

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<v Speaker 4>Absolutely. On today's show, we have a dummy fairy, a

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<v Speaker 4>dating hotline. Oh that's on brand for me, and a

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<v Speaker 4>donating child.

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<v Speaker 3>Okay, I'm very intrigued, me too. Oh I can't wait.

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<v Speaker 4>Here we go. I tried to get my child to

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<v Speaker 4>stop using dummies by inventing something I like to call

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<v Speaker 4>the dummy fairy.

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<v Speaker 1>Picture this.

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<v Speaker 4>I dug a hole in the garden, the dummies were

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<v Speaker 4>placed inside. We sprinkled a little bit of glitter on

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<v Speaker 4>the whole, and then when they were distracted, I put

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<v Speaker 4>a toy truck in its place.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel so embarrassed in my child that they fell

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<v Speaker 1>for that, But oh well, it worked and now they don't.

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<v Speaker 5>Use a dummy.

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<v Speaker 3>The dummy fairy is not groundbreaking.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I was just about to say I wanted off

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<v Speaker 4>at this point. I invented the dummy fairy. I thought

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<v Speaker 4>this was my genius idea when my three year old

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<v Speaker 4>had to give hers up as well.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, but Stacy, did you go out into the garden

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<v Speaker 3>and bury it and give it a funeral? No?

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<v Speaker 4>I am giving her massive props for that because I didn't.

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<v Speaker 4>I just made up a story about the dummy fairy

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<v Speaker 4>and the next day they were gone.

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<v Speaker 3>And then not only did she give it a funeral,

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<v Speaker 3>but it got resurrected like Jesus in the form of

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<v Speaker 3>a toy.

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<v Speaker 4>I love it. I really should have thought of that. Actually,

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<v Speaker 4>very impressed with this. I like the commitment. I like

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<v Speaker 4>the creativity, the child I liked doing in return, the

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<v Speaker 4>religious symbolism of it being raised from Yes, love it.

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<v Speaker 4>I think it's great. Okay, well, there's nothing to go

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<v Speaker 4>first out of ten tactical parenting. Well, because she beat me,

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<v Speaker 4>she committed to the lie more than I ever would have.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm going to give her nine trucks out of ten.

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<v Speaker 3>Hmmm, that's very generous. Look for the resurrection, for the

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<v Speaker 3>religious symbolism, for the commitment. The glitter as well. I

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<v Speaker 3>like the glitter. That's good. I'm going to give her

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<v Speaker 3>a solid eight trucks out.

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<v Speaker 4>Of ten trucks, or your hard market.

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<v Speaker 3>I like it. I am all right. So what have

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<v Speaker 3>we got up next? Donating children? I've thought about turning

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<v Speaker 3>mine on eBay. Let's see if it comes close to that.

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<v Speaker 5>I was out shopping and the shop assistant wanted to

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<v Speaker 5>cut on my newish second child. I got chatting to

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<v Speaker 5>another shop assistant and then left the shop, only to

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<v Speaker 5>be chased down and reminded that my baby was still

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<v Speaker 5>in the store. I live in a regional town and

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<v Speaker 5>it's quite a small community, so I am absolutely mortified

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<v Speaker 5>and haven't gone back to the store.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh, that's nothing to be embarrassed about. She's busy, she's shopping,

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<v Speaker 3>she's got two kids, she's outnumbered, and if it's a

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<v Speaker 3>new baby, she's tired.

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<v Speaker 4>Exactly. I have lost count of the amount of times

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<v Speaker 4>I've been driving with my child in the car and

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<v Speaker 4>suddenly she'll make a noise and I go, oh, I'm

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<v Speaker 4>a mother, like I actually forget for a moment that

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<v Speaker 4>she's there, when she's quiet for a change. I mean,

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<v Speaker 4>it's not great ideal to count your children before you

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<v Speaker 4>leave the store.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's good that she lives in a regional town.

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<v Speaker 3>That's safe in that instance as well. Exactly exactly in

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<v Speaker 3>terms of leaving a kid with a stranger, it's a

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<v Speaker 3>small community, that's good. Yeah, so no harm was done,

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<v Speaker 3>the child got returned. I have threatened my kids before that.

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<v Speaker 3>I was going to put them on eBay and I

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<v Speaker 3>was thinking, like, I've gone there mentally and I've said

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<v Speaker 3>it to them. I think that's worse. What are you

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<v Speaker 3>scoring her?

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<v Speaker 4>We've got her deduct points for forgetting your child, but

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<v Speaker 4>we also totally understand why you've done it.

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<v Speaker 3>That's your marking system, not mine.

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<v Speaker 4>Do I sound too judging? I probably do, But look,

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<v Speaker 4>I think it's a great parenting confession. I think a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of people probably keep things like this to themselves,

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<v Speaker 4>but they do it more than they like to admit.

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<v Speaker 4>So I think it's good that we just get these

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<v Speaker 4>out in the open. She probably feels so much better

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<v Speaker 4>now she said it. We've all secretly wanted to leave

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<v Speaker 4>our child with a friendly babysitter for a few minutes

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<v Speaker 4>so we can catch our breadths.

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<v Speaker 3>So on eBay.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah exactly, I'll give her seven point five.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh okay for oversharing, because you know, like that's that

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<v Speaker 3>is your man truck brand. So for the oversharing and

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<v Speaker 3>the fact that she could like people like you would think,

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<v Speaker 3>it's really bad. I'm going to give her a nine

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<v Speaker 3>out of forgetting her child. Out of ten, I think,

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<v Speaker 3>go go, you love it. What do we got last?

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<v Speaker 4>I feel like we've kept your perfect one And for last,

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<v Speaker 4>dating hotline is an ext one line.

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<v Speaker 3>What she has to say.

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<v Speaker 2>I am a single parent and was out for coffee

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<v Speaker 2>with my friends, telling her all about my plan to

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<v Speaker 2>go out and have mindless sex with no strings attached

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<v Speaker 2>for the next twelve months, very intricate details. I got

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<v Speaker 2>to my car to leave, and my car said, do

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<v Speaker 2>you want to transfer the call to the car? I thought,

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<v Speaker 2>that's strange, I'm not on a call. Well yes I was.

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<v Speaker 2>In fact, I'd called the school mom's group chat for

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<v Speaker 2>twenty two minutes.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh my god, our jaws are on the floor. Stacy like,

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<v Speaker 3>if this is not a visual medium, but if you

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<v Speaker 3>could see us right now, our jaws are on the floor.

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<v Speaker 4>This is not something that happens to us very often.

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<v Speaker 4>We had never lost for words, never never, But.

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<v Speaker 3>Here we are.

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<v Speaker 4>This is my worst night, very in any situation.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm clutching my purse, and this is something that I

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<v Speaker 3>possibly would do. That's why I'm so upset for her,

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<v Speaker 3>Like that is literally something that I would do. This

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<v Speaker 3>why you needed two minutes is long.

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<v Speaker 4>That's a long time. This is why you need to

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<v Speaker 4>check that the phone is off or away before you

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<v Speaker 4>start getting into the nitty gritty.

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<v Speaker 3>SERI is not listening and doing things.

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<v Speaker 4>I really want to know more about the fallout. I

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<v Speaker 4>really want to know what happened and how many people.

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<v Speaker 3>Heard the details, and if they committed to the full

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<v Speaker 3>twenty two minutes, because obviously I would.

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<v Speaker 4>There is no way on this earth I would be

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<v Speaker 4>hanging up on that call. If someone accidentally called me

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<v Speaker 4>and I was hearing the nedy gritty of their dating life,

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<v Speaker 4>I would be listening to every single second of it.

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<v Speaker 3>So corn straight to the microwave. I'm afraid to.

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<v Speaker 4>Say, I think everyone heard everything you had to say,

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<v Speaker 4>but I think everyone would be very jealous of what

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<v Speaker 4>you had to say.

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<v Speaker 3>I agree, actually, and I think this is not a

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<v Speaker 3>shameful one. This is the walk of fame, not a

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<v Speaker 3>walk of shame, exactly. They'll talk about you for decades,

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<v Speaker 3>So he's jealous. Yeah, and this will be the story

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<v Speaker 3>that they tell to their other mum friends in the

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<v Speaker 3>best possible way. I mean, I look at that legend,

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<v Speaker 3>the great sex life, off she goes the spring and

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<v Speaker 3>her step now you know why.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I don't think she should be a shamed by

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<v Speaker 4>this at all. I think this is brilliant. And look

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<v Speaker 4>at the great table fodder that she's given to other

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<v Speaker 4>people to talk about with their friends. Like sometimes when

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<v Speaker 4>you're a parent, you can get really boring, like you're

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<v Speaker 4>not doing that much, You're not getting out and doing

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<v Speaker 4>as much as other people. So really, you've done a

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<v Speaker 4>public service by sharing this story. I think it's great.

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<v Speaker 3>And for that, for your active service, for the service

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<v Speaker 3>of others doing God's work. I give you, Sexy Lady

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<v Speaker 3>a solid ten out of ten.

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<v Speaker 4>I give you ten butt dials out of ten. Well done.

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<v Speaker 3>And if you've got a confession, we would love to

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<v Speaker 3>hear it, Like we really really live for this. We

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<v Speaker 3>want to know it and just get it off your chest.

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<v Speaker 3>Release better out than in. As the old saying guy.

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<v Speaker 4>You'll feel better once you tell us.

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<v Speaker 3>We promise send us your secret shame. You can be

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<v Speaker 3>completely anonymous or leave a voice note or email. We

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<v Speaker 3>just want to hear from you. All the details are

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<v Speaker 3>in the show notes.