WEBVTT - Stop Monologuing At Me

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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<v Speaker 2>that this podcast is recorded on Hello and welcome to

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<v Speaker 2>Mamma Mia out Loud. It's what women are actually talking about.

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<v Speaker 2>On Wednesday, the nineteenth of June. I'm Holly Wainwright.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm mea Friedman.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm Emmurnham filling in for Jesse. You can also listen

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<v Speaker 3>to me on our daily podcast, The Spill Listen.

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<v Speaker 2>On Monday, we did a segment with Gemma who was

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<v Speaker 2>filling in for Jesse on Monday, Gemma Bath, and it

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<v Speaker 2>was about intergenerational wealth, so specifically about whether or not

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<v Speaker 2>it's ever been harder to be about thirty in Australia.

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<v Speaker 2>And to say that it popped off that segment in

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<v Speaker 2>terms of feedback, there's a little bit of an understatement.

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<v Speaker 2>The discussions around it are still going on. There's some

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<v Speaker 2>mud slinging, there's some like we did it tougher than

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<v Speaker 2>new conversations. Anyway, Clearly you.

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<v Speaker 3>Guys are very interested in it.

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<v Speaker 2>We will talk about it again, but thank you a

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<v Speaker 2>few feedback and if you haven't listened to it, go

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<v Speaker 2>and listen to it.

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<v Speaker 3>The other episode that's popping off, as you said, Holly

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<v Speaker 3>in the Outluders group is We did a group therapy

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<v Speaker 3>episode last week. We helped an outlouder deal with a

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<v Speaker 3>dilemma about her daughter, who's twenty three. She had a

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<v Speaker 3>terrible night out on her birthday. It involved address and

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<v Speaker 3>involved her boss and a few gross men.

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<v Speaker 1>And nothing feels better than a group therapy session. So

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<v Speaker 1>we want to hear from you. If there's a problem

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<v Speaker 1>that you think we can help you solve, you can

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<v Speaker 1>send us your dilemma by clicking the link in our

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<v Speaker 1>show notes and recording us a voice note. You don't

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<v Speaker 1>have to give your name, but we want to hear

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<v Speaker 1>you tell your problem in your own words.

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<v Speaker 2>On today's show, the most mysterious jam in the world

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<v Speaker 2>is Megan Markle, disorganized af or a marketing genius an investigation. Also,

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<v Speaker 2>alphas are out, fuck boys are out, even rodents are out.

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<v Speaker 2>Now apparently the most attractive energy a hetero man can

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<v Speaker 2>put is daddy. And are you creeped out yet? And

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<v Speaker 2>is there someone in your life who loves to monologue

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<v Speaker 2>at you? If so, there's a way to shut them up.

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<v Speaker 2>And MV knows what it is. But first me a freedman.

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<v Speaker 1>In case you missed it, justin Timberlake's been arrested.

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<v Speaker 2>I hadn't missed it because who doesn't love a celebrity

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<v Speaker 2>mug shot.

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<v Speaker 1>He's forty two and he is in trouble with the

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<v Speaker 1>law because he was drink driving in the Haptins. Not cool.

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<v Speaker 1>The funniest part of this story because drink driving isn't funny.

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<v Speaker 1>But the police officer who pulled him over had no

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<v Speaker 1>idea who he was.

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<v Speaker 3>He was a gen z.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, it's true. So Timberlake claimed that he only had

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<v Speaker 1>one martini and he was arrested and taken to the

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<v Speaker 1>police station, where he refused to take a breath test.

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<v Speaker 1>But before he was taken there, I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>you've seen some of those videos. In America, they don't

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<v Speaker 1>have like random breath testing. You sort of go and

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<v Speaker 1>do it back at the police station if you get arrested.

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<v Speaker 1>They have these sobriety tests, like walking a straight line,

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<v Speaker 1>answer these questions down and one foot touched you tip

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<v Speaker 1>of your nose with your finger.

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<v Speaker 3>That's quite embarrassing.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, they're called field sobriety tests. He failed all of those,

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<v Speaker 1>and according to a source. The officer said that, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>Justin had said under his breath, this is going to

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<v Speaker 1>ruin the tour because he's currently on a world tour.

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<v Speaker 1>And the cop replied, what tour? And Justin said, the

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<v Speaker 1>world tool where I dance and sing on the stage.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't you know who I am?

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<v Speaker 2>The cop did not know who he was.

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<v Speaker 3>No, the cop would have genuinely been convinced that man

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<v Speaker 3>is so intoxicated.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you remember when this happened to Reese Witherspoon and

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<v Speaker 1>she was like, don't you know who I am?

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<v Speaker 2>It's not cool, It's never cool.

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<v Speaker 1>Why do you think people are sort of gleeful about

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<v Speaker 1>this story? Hold?

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<v Speaker 2>The world is really keen to turn on Justin Timberlake,

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<v Speaker 2>and it's not really clear why except we've got an

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<v Speaker 2>ick right. And it's somewhat Brittany related because when she

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<v Speaker 2>wrote her book and it came out, she spoke about

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<v Speaker 2>him cheating on her. She spoke about the abortion that

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<v Speaker 2>she had that she didn't want to have, and kind

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<v Speaker 2>of righted the narrative that it was always him who'd

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<v Speaker 2>been wronged the Crime River, and.

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<v Speaker 1>He made the film clip Crime River that made it

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<v Speaker 1>seem like she'd cheated on him, which I think she

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<v Speaker 1>also did. But then it was Janet Jackson thing. I

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<v Speaker 1>think it was where he was performing in the super

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<v Speaker 1>Bowl with her and then he ripped off her top

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<v Speaker 1>and her nipple was exposed and she got canceled, but

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<v Speaker 1>he didn't, even though it was clearly something that they

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<v Speaker 1>planned together. It was a stunt.

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<v Speaker 2>And then he cheated on his wife allegedly, allegedly, and

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<v Speaker 2>so people are very ready to turn on him, and

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<v Speaker 2>he is back with new music which is actually quite banging.

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<v Speaker 3>I have to say I like music.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't mind justin Timberlake's music at all. But we've

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<v Speaker 2>all decided he's a bit of a dick. So I

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<v Speaker 2>think there's a lot of glee in seeing this. I

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<v Speaker 2>just need to say one Martini.

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<v Speaker 1>Is a lot.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of alcohol and proper martini not driving

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<v Speaker 2>a car. I'm always really confused when celebrities get arrested. Duy,

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<v Speaker 2>because if I was rich and famous, the number one

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<v Speaker 2>thing I would have as a driver because I would

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<v Speaker 2>want to go out and drink my Martini's in the Hamptons.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I don't know why he decided to drive. He

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<v Speaker 3>did say he was following friends in his twenty twenty

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<v Speaker 3>five BMW.

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<v Speaker 1>And he went through a stop sign and then he

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<v Speaker 1>swerved onto the wrong side. He killed someone, he could

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<v Speaker 1>have injured himself. Like not cool.

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<v Speaker 3>What I am really interested in is the camera they

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<v Speaker 3>used to take this mugshot, because it looks beautiful. It's

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<v Speaker 3>so high quality. It looks like one of our Mummia headshots.

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<v Speaker 1>I wonder if you can request filters these days.

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<v Speaker 2>Probably people, there is a jam in the world so

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<v Speaker 2>rare and exquisite that money cannot buy it. And it's

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<v Speaker 2>really pissing me off because, as regular out loud as

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<v Speaker 2>will know, I live with an award winning scone maker,

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<v Speaker 2>Yes he I do. What does a scone needs needs

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<v Speaker 2>jam Brent's country show Triumphing Scones deserve the finest condiments,

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<v Speaker 2>and apparently they are to be found in Montecito and California.

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<v Speaker 2>They are handmade in a multimillion dollar mansion by an

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<v Speaker 2>actual duchess. And it has been three months already and

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<v Speaker 2>yet no jam for sale. I'm talking, of course, about

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<v Speaker 2>American riviera orchard, or as we like to call it

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<v Speaker 2>in an irritating moment Mirror out Loud in joke American

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<v Speaker 2>Riviera Orchard now Duchess Meghan of Sussex's home brand. This week,

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<v Speaker 2>my suspense was extended with the news that the lucky

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<v Speaker 2>influencers who received the first batch of Megan's Jam have

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<v Speaker 2>just got another jar, which just seems unfair when I

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<v Speaker 2>still haven't got any. And this is raspberry to add

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<v Speaker 2>to the strawberry, which is not exactly groundbreaking, but okay, Meghan.

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<v Speaker 2>The challenge of how to style their very special Jam

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<v Speaker 2>in the announcing Instagram post was thrown down to Nacho Fugeris,

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<v Speaker 2>who is a polo player who's really good mates with

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<v Speaker 2>Harry and Meg's and he chose to post it along

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<v Speaker 2>with a bombshell hint that there are also dog biscuits

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<v Speaker 2>on safe. Oh goodye, I thought, And I went straight

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<v Speaker 2>to the source, American Riviera Orchard, where I have already

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<v Speaker 2>months ago put in my email to be alerted when

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<v Speaker 2>the jam is on release.

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<v Speaker 1>Nothing.

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<v Speaker 2>Nothing, nothing, I've had no email from that. I haven't

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<v Speaker 2>even had a thanks for subscribing email from them. No,

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<v Speaker 2>I've had nothing. Poor user journey, I know. And then

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<v Speaker 2>so I went straight to the Instagram account. I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>surely they're posting about the Jam. It must be coming

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<v Speaker 2>nothing still just one of those what do you call those?

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<v Speaker 1>Those collarge logo they're very five six years ago March.

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<v Speaker 2>It was March that we first got told about the jam.

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<v Speaker 2>It's now mid June.

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<v Speaker 1>Holly's got a diary note. She's making temporaneous.

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<v Speaker 2>Notes Mia, why can't I buy the damn Jam?

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<v Speaker 1>I have one question before I tell you, is she

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<v Speaker 1>reposting from that account? What the other celebrities she's not? Okay? Think?

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<v Speaker 1>So here's the strategy. This is known as the sort

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<v Speaker 1>of tease warm up period where you're trying to build buzz,

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<v Speaker 1>and the other thing that you're trying to do is

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<v Speaker 1>build your list and build your following. So you're trying

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<v Speaker 1>to get followers and you're trying to Even more valuable

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<v Speaker 1>than followers is to sign up for your email list,

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<v Speaker 1>because it means that when you're ready to open the

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<v Speaker 1>doors and make your jam freely available to the PLEDs

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<v Speaker 1>like us, you can email them direct and you don't

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<v Speaker 1>have to worry about an algorithm who's going to reach you.

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<v Speaker 1>You can just it's very valuable having the email addresses

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<v Speaker 1>of prospective customers, much more than just having people follow

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<v Speaker 1>you on Instagram. That's also important, But the more important

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<v Speaker 1>thing is the email addresses. Now to build anticipation like

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<v Speaker 1>a movie trailer coming out right. So when you've got

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<v Speaker 1>a product that you're launching, this is not a path

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<v Speaker 1>that's unfamiliar to a lot of people who've started businesses.

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<v Speaker 1>You send something out to influencers in the hope that

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<v Speaker 1>they'll post it. What's interesting about this is that it

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<v Speaker 1>works magnificently in a two way street because the famous

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<v Speaker 1>people that she's sending it to, it's not like them

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<v Speaker 1>being sent some toothpaste or ordinary dog biscuits or ordinary jam.

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<v Speaker 1>Why would they post it, right, Because if they did

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<v Speaker 1>post it, all the benefit and all the exposure goes

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<v Speaker 1>to whoever sent it to them, whoever's paying them to

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<v Speaker 1>post it. Could this be a paid campaign? Unlikely given

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<v Speaker 1>the level of the celebrities involved, But because Megan is

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<v Speaker 1>who she is, if they post the jam on their

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<v Speaker 1>pages and their stories, it will be picked up by

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<v Speaker 1>the Daily Mail, by media worldwide, so that then helps

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<v Speaker 1>them build their followers. It's a beautiful partnership, a beautiful

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<v Speaker 1>what's called a flywheel in product marketing. They'll get more

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<v Speaker 1>jam and they'll get more jam. Now my concern also

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<v Speaker 1>as a lady startup someone who starts runs her own

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<v Speaker 1>business and has advised many women on how to start businesses.

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<v Speaker 1>When I look at the packaging of the jam, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think the dog biscuits as well. These are very artisanal,

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<v Speaker 1>which is I think the point of the label, and

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<v Speaker 1>artisanal's kind of like handmade. The problem is that that's

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<v Speaker 1>very hard to scale. You need someone to hand cut

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<v Speaker 1>the muslin or the raffia and to hand tie it

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<v Speaker 1>around and to hand label the jars of jam. That's

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<v Speaker 1>very hard to scale. So you can do that for

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<v Speaker 1>fifty and because each jam is labeled one of fifty,

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<v Speaker 1>what about when Holly and I are let loose well polymore,

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<v Speaker 1>then suddenly she's got to wrap five thousand, fifty thousand

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<v Speaker 1>pieces of muslin around a jam jar and send me

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<v Speaker 1>doing that.

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<v Speaker 3>She's got kids.

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<v Speaker 2>I love the idea that in the kitchen him on

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<v Speaker 2>to see it. Now.

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<v Speaker 1>I know that she's not doing it, and no one

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<v Speaker 1>would think that she was. But even if that's the

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<v Speaker 1>level of packaging, someone has to do that, and the

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<v Speaker 1>cost of having someone do that on a product that

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<v Speaker 1>you can't charge that much for. I mean, you can't

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<v Speaker 1>charge five hundred dollars for it. The margin of profit

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<v Speaker 1>is tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny tiny.

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<v Speaker 2>Here's my question though, right everybody wants to know how

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<v Speaker 2>much this jam is going to cost, because, as you've said,

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<v Speaker 2>like very high value, what would.

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<v Speaker 1>You pay for it?

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<v Speaker 3>And shipping as well.

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<v Speaker 1>Shipping to Australia?

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<v Speaker 2>What would you pay for it in this economy, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not paying a lot of money for jar.

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<v Speaker 1>Pay twenty dollars for Megan's Jam.

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<v Speaker 2>I might pay twenty dollars.

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<v Speaker 1>What about another ten dollars for shipping?

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<v Speaker 3>If my nation to their charity.

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<v Speaker 2>If I well, there will definitely be a charity bit

0:11:20.287 --> 0:11:22.367
<v Speaker 2>when they release this, because there's no way they can

0:11:22.407 --> 0:11:25.367
<v Speaker 2>just be seen to be literally making money jam. They

0:11:25.407 --> 0:11:28.887
<v Speaker 2>will be. There will be a charity component, But it

0:11:29.207 --> 0:11:33.407
<v Speaker 2>really does. But if I did spend thirty dollars on

0:11:33.447 --> 0:11:35.567
<v Speaker 2>a jar of Megan's Jam, apart from having to have

0:11:35.607 --> 0:11:38.327
<v Speaker 2>a very good hard look at myself in the mirror.

0:11:38.367 --> 0:11:39.807
<v Speaker 1>I would be guarding that fucking joy.

0:11:39.807 --> 0:11:42.567
<v Speaker 2>If any of my children came near that jam, I

0:11:42.567 --> 0:11:45.967
<v Speaker 2>would chop off their little chubby fingers. But my question

0:11:46.007 --> 0:11:48.367
<v Speaker 2>about the marketing genius here me and you're the expert.

0:11:48.367 --> 0:11:50.367
<v Speaker 2>As you've said, that makes a lot of sense. We've

0:11:50.407 --> 0:11:54.087
<v Speaker 2>just said, but when does Fomo just become like they

0:11:54.127 --> 0:11:54.727
<v Speaker 2>haven't got.

0:11:54.567 --> 0:11:55.367
<v Speaker 3>Their shit together?

0:11:55.447 --> 0:11:58.687
<v Speaker 2>And that's exactly three months and no new messaging from

0:11:58.727 --> 0:12:01.767
<v Speaker 2>the actual brand, no more teasing from the actual brand.

0:12:02.487 --> 0:12:03.567
<v Speaker 3>It just feels a bit.

0:12:03.847 --> 0:12:08.127
<v Speaker 1>See. My belief, based on nothing but experience and anecdotes,

0:12:08.767 --> 0:12:12.047
<v Speaker 1>is that you you have to get that lead period, right, because,

0:12:12.087 --> 0:12:15.967
<v Speaker 1>as you say, people just forget. I think nothing that

0:12:16.007 --> 0:12:18.967
<v Speaker 1>she does is ever gonna need more buzz because there's

0:12:19.007 --> 0:12:20.487
<v Speaker 1>just going to be I mean, money for Jam is

0:12:20.527 --> 0:12:23.967
<v Speaker 1>the headlines everywhere. And when we said twenty dollars, imagine

0:12:23.967 --> 0:12:26.487
<v Speaker 1>twenty dollars US like, that's kind of the least she

0:12:26.527 --> 0:12:27.487
<v Speaker 1>can charge, right.

0:12:27.447 --> 0:12:29.887
<v Speaker 2>Forty dollars Imagine the forty dollars Jam.

0:12:29.967 --> 0:12:30.207
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:12:30.687 --> 0:12:33.527
<v Speaker 1>So I know that when I'm watching a streamer and

0:12:33.567 --> 0:12:35.727
<v Speaker 1>there's a promo for a feel I want to see

0:12:35.767 --> 0:12:38.047
<v Speaker 1>or a new TV show, I want to watch it

0:12:38.087 --> 0:12:41.967
<v Speaker 1>immediately because they're I've forgotten because I've seen twenty more ads.

0:12:42.247 --> 0:12:45.327
<v Speaker 1>So I'm always like, keep the tees close to the

0:12:45.367 --> 0:12:49.287
<v Speaker 1>actual time. That's not what everybody believes. I do think

0:12:49.327 --> 0:12:51.287
<v Speaker 1>three months is quite a long time. But no doubt

0:12:51.287 --> 0:12:54.247
<v Speaker 1>she's having production issues noiceuse everybody does.

0:12:54.367 --> 0:12:56.847
<v Speaker 3>How would you feel if you guys get your jam

0:12:57.007 --> 0:12:59.887
<v Speaker 3>and it's just a generic sticker label.

0:13:00.167 --> 0:13:03.247
<v Speaker 2>Or imagine if it's just like normal supermarket jam. I

0:13:03.247 --> 0:13:04.807
<v Speaker 2>think an AMaGA jar.

0:13:04.927 --> 0:13:07.007
<v Speaker 3>Because I know, like in our industry, there's a lot

0:13:07.047 --> 0:13:09.087
<v Speaker 3>of PR packages that go around, and the PR package

0:13:09.287 --> 0:13:11.687
<v Speaker 3>always looks better than the actual product. So I don't

0:13:11.727 --> 0:13:13.607
<v Speaker 3>think that's the product everyone's going to be getting.

0:13:13.607 --> 0:13:15.647
<v Speaker 2>Are you excited about no?

0:13:16.327 --> 0:13:16.487
<v Speaker 1>No.

0:13:16.767 --> 0:13:19.847
<v Speaker 3>I was upset that she didn't like lead with raspberry

0:13:19.887 --> 0:13:22.287
<v Speaker 3>because I thought raspberry was the cooler fruit. But I

0:13:22.327 --> 0:13:24.607
<v Speaker 3>think now she has to do raspberry because strawberries are

0:13:24.607 --> 0:13:26.567
<v Speaker 3>out of season and she's waited too long, and I

0:13:26.607 --> 0:13:28.047
<v Speaker 3>want fresh jam if I'm getting jams.

0:13:28.047 --> 0:13:29.767
<v Speaker 2>You know what I love is I love seeing the

0:13:29.807 --> 0:13:32.087
<v Speaker 2>people who she sent the first load to, Like some

0:13:32.127 --> 0:13:34.727
<v Speaker 2>of them are very profresh influencers, and so they've got

0:13:34.767 --> 0:13:37.447
<v Speaker 2>their shot really styled, and they're in a beautiful garden

0:13:37.447 --> 0:13:39.967
<v Speaker 2>with lemons, And then some people are just trying really

0:13:40.007 --> 0:13:42.007
<v Speaker 2>hard how to think of making jam look nice, and

0:13:42.007 --> 0:13:45.127
<v Speaker 2>it's just a piece of bread with some jam smear

0:13:45.287 --> 0:13:47.567
<v Speaker 2>on it and a couple of cut up strawberries like

0:13:47.687 --> 0:13:50.767
<v Speaker 2>laying next to it in a sad way, and they're like, thanks, EM,

0:13:51.167 --> 0:13:54.727
<v Speaker 2>I love you EM, just like jam.

0:13:54.487 --> 0:13:57.967
<v Speaker 1>Is hard to style guys, Yeah, what's next? Blueberry?

0:13:58.047 --> 0:13:58.167
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:13:58.207 --> 0:13:59.527
<v Speaker 3>I'm thinking of BlackBerry.

0:13:59.687 --> 0:13:59.847
<v Speaker 2>Oh.

0:13:59.887 --> 0:14:01.727
<v Speaker 1>I like a BlackBerry jam. I'm not a fan of

0:14:01.727 --> 0:14:07.167
<v Speaker 1>blueberry jam. Too sweet? Sweet? Do you want daily outloud access?

0:14:07.247 --> 0:14:10.727
<v Speaker 1>Why wouldn't you? We drop episodes every Tuesday and Thursday

0:14:10.927 --> 0:14:14.167
<v Speaker 1>exclusively for Mumm of Me Are subscribers Follow the link

0:14:14.167 --> 0:14:15.807
<v Speaker 1>in the show notes to get us in your ears

0:14:15.887 --> 0:14:18.607
<v Speaker 1>five days a week, and a huge thank you if

0:14:18.607 --> 0:14:26.007
<v Speaker 1>you're already a subscriber. I saw a TikTok that's going

0:14:26.087 --> 0:14:28.287
<v Speaker 1>viral this week, and I have questions about it for

0:14:28.327 --> 0:14:31.407
<v Speaker 1>our gen z and single Lady correspondent.

0:14:31.247 --> 0:14:32.447
<v Speaker 3>Single Lady correspondent.

0:14:32.527 --> 0:14:35.887
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so crim and Urlin, this whole thing is cringe.

0:14:36.007 --> 0:14:37.767
<v Speaker 1>Just wait to you. We wait to I play the video.

0:14:38.247 --> 0:14:40.007
<v Speaker 1>The voice you're about to hear is a guy called Kevin.

0:14:40.207 --> 0:14:43.327
<v Speaker 1>He makes content online about relationships and personal growth for men.

0:14:43.527 --> 0:14:47.127
<v Speaker 1>Is he qualified? Unlikely? Kind of irrelevant? He goes on

0:14:47.207 --> 0:14:50.527
<v Speaker 1>to explain the quality that he's most attractive to a

0:14:50.567 --> 0:14:51.887
<v Speaker 1>woman in a.

0:14:51.847 --> 0:14:54.167
<v Speaker 4>Man Okay, so I think that more guys should be

0:14:54.247 --> 0:14:56.847
<v Speaker 4>talking about this. I know women talk about it, but

0:14:57.167 --> 0:14:59.887
<v Speaker 4>I'm not sure about the guys. But I fully, fully

0:14:59.927 --> 0:15:05.847
<v Speaker 4>believe that the most attractive, just beautiful, like radiant confidence

0:15:06.087 --> 0:15:09.687
<v Speaker 4>that a guy can have. It's not alpha energy, it's

0:15:09.727 --> 0:15:12.967
<v Speaker 4>not cocky energy, it's not fuck boy energy. It is

0:15:13.087 --> 0:15:18.807
<v Speaker 4>having daddy energy. Daddy energy is the most highly highly

0:15:18.847 --> 0:15:22.327
<v Speaker 4>attractive energy that a guy can possess, not only just

0:15:22.327 --> 0:15:26.367
<v Speaker 4>to women in general, but especially to the most high

0:15:26.447 --> 0:15:32.047
<v Speaker 4>quality marriage material, most quote unquote perfect woman that exists,

0:15:32.127 --> 0:15:37.767
<v Speaker 4>because daddy energy has the perfect balance of confidence, protection,

0:15:38.367 --> 0:15:41.647
<v Speaker 4>and safety, and those are some of the highest qualities

0:15:41.687 --> 0:15:45.007
<v Speaker 4>that a woman, specially of high value, wants to see

0:15:45.007 --> 0:15:45.567
<v Speaker 4>in her man.

0:15:45.727 --> 0:15:48.247
<v Speaker 1>I agree, Holly, doesn't she was making out loud as

0:15:48.247 --> 0:15:50.127
<v Speaker 1>you count here. She was making vomiting noises while we

0:15:50.127 --> 0:15:50.887
<v Speaker 1>were listening to that.

0:15:51.047 --> 0:15:53.807
<v Speaker 2>I was particularly making vomiting noises though about him talking

0:15:53.847 --> 0:15:58.007
<v Speaker 2>about high quality women, like please, are you.

0:15:58.007 --> 0:16:00.567
<v Speaker 1>Not a high quality woman and venom? Can you explain

0:16:01.327 --> 0:16:04.967
<v Speaker 1>what daddy energy is and is it about your actual daddy?

0:16:05.927 --> 0:16:08.767
<v Speaker 1>Oh God, because that's creepy as.

0:16:08.607 --> 0:16:11.487
<v Speaker 3>So he goes on to explain that there are three

0:16:11.807 --> 0:16:16.567
<v Speaker 3>kind of components of embodying daddy. Energy, it's confidence, safety,

0:16:16.927 --> 0:16:17.527
<v Speaker 3>and protection.

0:16:17.687 --> 0:16:19.527
<v Speaker 1>Before we get to those, can you just explain to

0:16:19.607 --> 0:16:22.887
<v Speaker 1>me the internet usage of the word daddy, because it's

0:16:22.927 --> 0:16:25.727
<v Speaker 1>become a bit of a thing that some people might

0:16:25.767 --> 0:16:28.287
<v Speaker 1>not understand what daddy means because it's widely used on

0:16:28.327 --> 0:16:28.847
<v Speaker 1>the Internet.

0:16:28.967 --> 0:16:31.567
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I would describe it as first a gross word,

0:16:31.607 --> 0:16:34.447
<v Speaker 3>but I would describe it as like being thirsty over

0:16:34.567 --> 0:16:37.327
<v Speaker 3>like some really hot celebrity right now, So I would say,

0:16:37.527 --> 0:16:39.567
<v Speaker 3>Paul mescal will be a daddy really.

0:16:39.767 --> 0:16:40.087
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:16:40.087 --> 0:16:43.087
<v Speaker 3>So it's not about age, No, it's about like kind

0:16:43.087 --> 0:16:47.007
<v Speaker 3>of how people, like so many women are thirsting over

0:16:47.047 --> 0:16:48.007
<v Speaker 3>you as a man.

0:16:48.247 --> 0:16:50.487
<v Speaker 1>One of the biggest podcasts in the world is called

0:16:50.567 --> 0:16:54.007
<v Speaker 1>Call Her Daddy, So it's like, daddy, you're my daddy.

0:16:54.167 --> 0:16:55.927
<v Speaker 1>It's like it was a pawn thing, right.

0:16:56.127 --> 0:16:58.847
<v Speaker 3>I think with the podcast, it's like Alex Cooper like

0:16:58.927 --> 0:17:02.087
<v Speaker 3>putting it, yes, averting it on women like I'm the daddy. Yeah.

0:17:03.007 --> 0:17:05.287
<v Speaker 2>Energy is about power, right, So it's not just about

0:17:05.367 --> 0:17:07.367
<v Speaker 2>I'm hot. It's a particular kind of hot.

0:17:07.207 --> 0:17:09.927
<v Speaker 1>And I think it talks about those three. I don't

0:17:09.967 --> 0:17:12.407
<v Speaker 1>think it's about thirst. I think it's what he said,

0:17:12.407 --> 0:17:15.487
<v Speaker 1>it's about confidence, safety, and protection and power. That's what

0:17:15.527 --> 0:17:17.287
<v Speaker 1>a daddy kind of is.

0:17:17.367 --> 0:17:18.767
<v Speaker 3>But then when you have all that, then you end

0:17:18.847 --> 0:17:19.527
<v Speaker 3>up thirsting for.

0:17:19.447 --> 0:17:21.447
<v Speaker 1>That person, right that makes them hot?

0:17:21.647 --> 0:17:25.167
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I think also, which is weirdly descriptive, but

0:17:25.287 --> 0:17:29.927
<v Speaker 3>he also talks about how encompassing like safety, protection and confidence.

0:17:30.327 --> 0:17:34.007
<v Speaker 3>He uses the metaphor of like having a kingdom and

0:17:34.047 --> 0:17:36.607
<v Speaker 3>you should protect the people within your kingdom, and I

0:17:36.647 --> 0:17:37.887
<v Speaker 3>thought that was really weird.

0:17:38.087 --> 0:17:41.687
<v Speaker 1>Do you remember during COVID everyone started having inappropriate thoughts

0:17:41.727 --> 0:17:45.127
<v Speaker 1>about Josh Fridenberg the treasurer, because every time you turned

0:17:45.207 --> 0:17:48.447
<v Speaker 1>the television on, he would be announcing how he was

0:17:48.487 --> 0:17:51.127
<v Speaker 1>going to give you money. And when we talked about

0:17:51.127 --> 0:17:53.367
<v Speaker 1>this on the show, how suddenly people were like, why

0:17:53.407 --> 0:17:55.847
<v Speaker 1>am I finding Josh Bredenberg so sexy? We didn't do

0:17:55.927 --> 0:17:58.687
<v Speaker 1>a thing on a mayor about it, and women were like, yeah,

0:17:58.767 --> 0:18:00.847
<v Speaker 1>it's because he had daddy energy.

0:18:01.247 --> 0:18:04.487
<v Speaker 2>The examples under this video sort of explained it better

0:18:04.487 --> 0:18:06.807
<v Speaker 2>for me. Well, there was a woman, for example, who said, yeah,

0:18:06.807 --> 0:18:09.047
<v Speaker 2>I used to date a guy who insisted on sleeping

0:18:09.567 --> 0:18:12.247
<v Speaker 2>on the outside nearest to the door because if an

0:18:12.287 --> 0:18:15.207
<v Speaker 2>intruder came in, he would get to him before her.

0:18:15.487 --> 0:18:18.047
<v Speaker 2>And she was like daddy. That's how I understand it,

0:18:18.167 --> 0:18:19.287
<v Speaker 2>right to be the protective thing.

0:18:19.367 --> 0:18:20.127
<v Speaker 3>And you don't like that?

0:18:20.527 --> 0:18:20.687
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:18:21.887 --> 0:18:25.407
<v Speaker 2>Why because you know how people always say like women

0:18:25.487 --> 0:18:29.607
<v Speaker 2>and obviously this is a generic heterosexual stereotype, but one

0:18:29.687 --> 0:18:32.167
<v Speaker 2>a man like their dad, right, Well, A that depends

0:18:32.207 --> 0:18:34.647
<v Speaker 2>on whether or not your dad was any good. Yeah,

0:18:34.687 --> 0:18:38.087
<v Speaker 2>But also we hate admitting that. I think a lot

0:18:38.087 --> 0:18:41.367
<v Speaker 2>of women hate admitting that. But there's something very deep

0:18:41.407 --> 0:18:44.607
<v Speaker 2>in there, right, But dads are all kinds of different.

0:18:44.767 --> 0:18:47.127
<v Speaker 2>I didn't have one of those kind of dads who's like,

0:18:47.207 --> 0:18:49.647
<v Speaker 2>I will protect you in the world. I will fight

0:18:49.727 --> 0:18:52.407
<v Speaker 2>off you know, but what I'll take.

0:18:52.247 --> 0:18:55.527
<v Speaker 1>Care of it? Not like I might fight off intruders.

0:18:55.567 --> 0:18:58.207
<v Speaker 1>But what about just like dad? Can you sort it out?

0:18:58.367 --> 0:19:00.607
<v Speaker 2>Nah, didn't have that kind of dad. And I know

0:19:00.607 --> 0:19:03.127
<v Speaker 2>I'm being literal there, but that's because when I examine

0:19:03.127 --> 0:19:07.807
<v Speaker 2>myself of why I don't find this attractive, it probably

0:19:07.887 --> 0:19:10.807
<v Speaker 2>is that, right, It probably is that my model of

0:19:11.287 --> 0:19:14.567
<v Speaker 2>a man is not that I've never really thought that

0:19:14.567 --> 0:19:15.967
<v Speaker 2>that's like up there.

0:19:15.767 --> 0:19:16.807
<v Speaker 1>On my list of values.

0:19:16.847 --> 0:19:19.447
<v Speaker 2>If I was to write the things I find really

0:19:19.447 --> 0:19:22.967
<v Speaker 2>attractive in a guy, protection is not up there.

0:19:23.367 --> 0:19:24.487
<v Speaker 1>That doesn't mean that I.

0:19:24.367 --> 0:19:27.487
<v Speaker 2>Can't see the appeal of it, Like sure, but for me,

0:19:27.767 --> 0:19:31.527
<v Speaker 2>that's always come with a side of oppression. Like when

0:19:31.567 --> 0:19:34.607
<v Speaker 2>a guy is protecting you, I feel like I'm smaller,

0:19:34.967 --> 0:19:36.287
<v Speaker 2>and I don't want to be smaller.

0:19:36.367 --> 0:19:37.327
<v Speaker 1>Sometimes I do.

0:19:37.567 --> 0:19:38.927
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, really you think?

0:19:39.087 --> 0:19:41.167
<v Speaker 2>So you're out there in the world when you listen

0:19:41.207 --> 0:19:44.527
<v Speaker 2>to this picking and choosing your dudes or whatever much

0:19:44.567 --> 0:19:46.047
<v Speaker 2>she said, like a manner.

0:19:47.087 --> 0:19:48.607
<v Speaker 3>From my long list of men.

0:19:48.687 --> 0:19:51.847
<v Speaker 2>When you hear this, do you like, yes, daddy energy

0:19:51.887 --> 0:19:53.207
<v Speaker 2>is definitely what I'm looking for.

0:19:53.327 --> 0:19:56.807
<v Speaker 3>Okay. I have complicated relationship with daddy energy because I

0:19:56.927 --> 0:20:01.687
<v Speaker 3>have friends whose partners have daddy energy, and it's really

0:20:01.727 --> 0:20:05.047
<v Speaker 3>obvious to me because I'm not in their kingdom, so

0:20:05.087 --> 0:20:07.927
<v Speaker 3>they exclude me from their energy. I want all the

0:20:07.967 --> 0:20:10.487
<v Speaker 3>men in my life to you have daddy energy, not

0:20:10.607 --> 0:20:13.047
<v Speaker 3>just the partner i'm dating. I think when a guy

0:20:13.607 --> 0:20:17.407
<v Speaker 3>embodies daddy energy, it's so obvious for the women's friends

0:20:17.407 --> 0:20:19.767
<v Speaker 3>around her to see that because they see him being

0:20:20.127 --> 0:20:23.327
<v Speaker 3>really protective and safe, but also excluding you from that.

0:20:23.927 --> 0:20:25.607
<v Speaker 3>Like there will be times where I've gone out for

0:20:25.687 --> 0:20:28.607
<v Speaker 3>drinks with friends and then the guy will like turn

0:20:28.647 --> 0:20:30.567
<v Speaker 3>to his partner who's my friend, and be like, can

0:20:30.607 --> 0:20:32.247
<v Speaker 3>I get you anything? Can I get you a drink?

0:20:32.287 --> 0:20:33.687
<v Speaker 3>Can I get you dinner? And then he just leaves

0:20:33.687 --> 0:20:35.487
<v Speaker 3>and I'm like, okay, I'll just go fuck myself then

0:20:35.567 --> 0:20:37.647
<v Speaker 3>like I'm just sitting here. Or there'll be times where

0:20:37.687 --> 0:20:38.967
<v Speaker 3>like my friend will be like, hey, can we give

0:20:38.967 --> 0:20:40.527
<v Speaker 3>you a lift home? And he's just like rolling his

0:20:40.607 --> 0:20:42.367
<v Speaker 3>eyes and he's like, oh, but you have to, like

0:20:42.367 --> 0:20:43.887
<v Speaker 3>you have disappointment and we have to get home to

0:20:43.967 --> 0:20:44.327
<v Speaker 3>the dog.

0:20:44.687 --> 0:20:46.887
<v Speaker 1>And I'm like, but isn't the point of daddy energy

0:20:47.087 --> 0:20:50.727
<v Speaker 1>that they've got to be attractive to you.

0:20:51.487 --> 0:20:54.367
<v Speaker 3>I don't think attractiveness comes into daddy energy. I think

0:20:54.407 --> 0:20:55.887
<v Speaker 3>he's talking about like how to.

0:20:55.887 --> 0:20:58.207
<v Speaker 2>Be what he's talking about, he's talking about how making

0:20:58.247 --> 0:21:00.567
<v Speaker 2>himself more attractive to women by being a dust And

0:21:00.567 --> 0:21:01.247
<v Speaker 2>that's what he's saying.

0:21:01.287 --> 0:21:03.647
<v Speaker 3>He's saying that this is what women want in men

0:21:03.767 --> 0:21:04.527
<v Speaker 3>in a partner.

0:21:04.767 --> 0:21:06.807
<v Speaker 1>You shouldn't be thirsty after your partner.

0:21:06.807 --> 0:21:09.527
<v Speaker 3>I'm not thirst after my I'm just like, the way

0:21:09.727 --> 0:21:13.487
<v Speaker 3>they are being treated is like an ideal way that

0:21:13.487 --> 0:21:15.167
<v Speaker 3>I'd like to also be treated by a partner. But

0:21:15.207 --> 0:21:17.127
<v Speaker 3>I feel like when a man is doing that to

0:21:17.207 --> 0:21:20.407
<v Speaker 3>a woman who he's dating, it comes across as really

0:21:20.447 --> 0:21:23.727
<v Speaker 3>weird to her friends and really awkward because he excludes

0:21:23.767 --> 0:21:25.927
<v Speaker 3>all of them and it just looks like he's treating

0:21:25.967 --> 0:21:27.407
<v Speaker 3>her like a little like puppy baby.

0:21:27.847 --> 0:21:30.047
<v Speaker 2>This is interesting because to me, this is a bit

0:21:30.207 --> 0:21:32.287
<v Speaker 2>like I know women who are like I want to

0:21:32.287 --> 0:21:35.447
<v Speaker 2>be treated like a princess, right. I don't want to

0:21:35.487 --> 0:21:37.807
<v Speaker 2>be treated like a princess. It's not one of my things.

0:21:38.327 --> 0:21:41.687
<v Speaker 2>Sometimes I don't want to be like a little precious

0:21:41.727 --> 0:21:43.567
<v Speaker 2>thing that needs like that's.

0:21:43.367 --> 0:21:44.927
<v Speaker 1>Not my vibe. Right.

0:21:45.327 --> 0:21:47.767
<v Speaker 2>So when I've and I have dated guys who are

0:21:47.807 --> 0:21:50.247
<v Speaker 2>like this, who want to order for you in a restaurant.

0:21:50.607 --> 0:21:53.047
<v Speaker 2>If a guy looks at you funny, they'll kind of

0:21:53.407 --> 0:21:55.847
<v Speaker 2>square off to them a bit, and I find it

0:21:56.127 --> 0:21:59.847
<v Speaker 2>so unattractive. The thing that's interesting about this guy, Kevin,

0:21:59.887 --> 0:22:02.167
<v Speaker 2>as you said me, he's like a manfluencer, and that

0:22:02.247 --> 0:22:04.767
<v Speaker 2>he has a whole thing about how he's telling men

0:22:04.807 --> 0:22:07.487
<v Speaker 2>how to have good relationships. And he has a three

0:22:07.647 --> 0:22:10.127
<v Speaker 2>day free course that you can sign up for where

0:22:10.127 --> 0:22:11.207
<v Speaker 2>he will teach you how.

0:22:11.047 --> 0:22:13.087
<v Speaker 1>To have daddy energy. Well, I think it's better than

0:22:13.087 --> 0:22:15.767
<v Speaker 1>Andrew Tate, who's like, call her a bitch and treat

0:22:15.807 --> 0:22:17.567
<v Speaker 1>to Maine and she'll want you more.

0:22:17.367 --> 0:22:19.967
<v Speaker 2>And I would love to know how he teaches you

0:22:20.007 --> 0:22:23.927
<v Speaker 2>to have it, because what are the physical practical steps, Like,

0:22:23.967 --> 0:22:26.047
<v Speaker 2>how would you tell a guy to have daddy energy?

0:22:26.527 --> 0:22:28.167
<v Speaker 2>What would you think is a really good example.

0:22:28.367 --> 0:22:30.647
<v Speaker 1>I don't think you can teach someone. I think it's

0:22:30.687 --> 0:22:32.207
<v Speaker 1>just who they are. So all the guys that I

0:22:32.287 --> 0:22:36.687
<v Speaker 1>dated in my late teens and early twenties had the

0:22:36.687 --> 0:22:38.687
<v Speaker 1>opposite of daddy energy. I don't know what you'd even

0:22:38.727 --> 0:22:42.447
<v Speaker 1>call it, like Todd lor energy, drug addict energy. Then

0:22:42.487 --> 0:22:44.887
<v Speaker 1>I remember the first night that I spent with Jays.

0:22:45.807 --> 0:22:48.327
<v Speaker 1>The next morning we went back to my place and

0:22:48.447 --> 0:22:51.887
<v Speaker 1>someone had side swiped my car was parked outside my

0:22:51.927 --> 0:22:54.967
<v Speaker 1>apartment and I'd parked it badly and someone had sideswiped it.

0:22:55.527 --> 0:22:57.567
<v Speaker 1>And I just knew that he'd be able to take

0:22:57.607 --> 0:23:00.287
<v Speaker 1>care of it. I don't mean like yeah, but he

0:23:00.487 --> 0:23:03.087
<v Speaker 1>just knew he had to move the car to get

0:23:03.087 --> 0:23:05.167
<v Speaker 1>it off the corner and then. And it's not that

0:23:05.167 --> 0:23:06.567
<v Speaker 1>I couldn't have done it myself, and I think I

0:23:06.567 --> 0:23:08.527
<v Speaker 1>did do it myself, but I knew that he had

0:23:08.527 --> 0:23:12.127
<v Speaker 1>the energy over someone who is capable. To me, it's

0:23:12.327 --> 0:23:14.527
<v Speaker 1>capable and not a child.

0:23:14.767 --> 0:23:17.447
<v Speaker 3>That's what my Dad does for me that no other

0:23:17.487 --> 0:23:19.607
<v Speaker 3>partner has ever done. Like if like a light doesn't work,

0:23:19.647 --> 0:23:21.007
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, Dad will fix it. Like I don't even

0:23:21.047 --> 0:23:22.527
<v Speaker 3>have to say, like he'll just fix it, will just

0:23:22.567 --> 0:23:24.847
<v Speaker 3>come and fix things, and like drive me to places

0:23:24.887 --> 0:23:26.167
<v Speaker 3>because I have parking anxiety.

0:23:26.367 --> 0:23:29.047
<v Speaker 1>When I was much younger, I dated and much older guys,

0:23:29.087 --> 0:23:31.087
<v Speaker 1>you know, and you could say that he had daddy

0:23:31.127 --> 0:23:33.647
<v Speaker 1>energy because I was seventeen and he was thirty three,

0:23:33.687 --> 0:23:36.727
<v Speaker 1>and he you know, I didn't love that. I liked

0:23:36.767 --> 0:23:39.487
<v Speaker 1>part of it, but I didn't really want someone to

0:23:40.127 --> 0:23:41.967
<v Speaker 1>he had daddy energy in a way that was a

0:23:41.967 --> 0:23:45.687
<v Speaker 1>bit more controlling, which I didn't love. So, you know,

0:23:45.727 --> 0:23:49.367
<v Speaker 1>I remember saying to Jayces early in our relationship, we'd

0:23:49.367 --> 0:23:50.807
<v Speaker 1>be going out to dinner and he'd be like, oh,

0:23:50.847 --> 0:23:53.207
<v Speaker 1>you don't need to bring you alllet and I'd get

0:23:53.247 --> 0:23:54.807
<v Speaker 1>angry at him because he was going to pack, and

0:23:54.807 --> 0:23:56.847
<v Speaker 1>I was like, what I've had to pay for every

0:23:56.887 --> 0:23:59.087
<v Speaker 1>guy I've ever dated, And he said, I'll bet I'll

0:23:59.127 --> 0:24:01.127
<v Speaker 1>pay for you. And I said, but I don't dismantle

0:24:01.167 --> 0:24:03.767
<v Speaker 1>my independence, but like you whole like, I'm like, I

0:24:03.807 --> 0:24:05.687
<v Speaker 1>don't need you to pay for me. I'm just stoked

0:24:05.727 --> 0:24:09.767
<v Speaker 1>you can pay for yourself. Yeah, I see.

0:24:09.567 --> 0:24:11.527
<v Speaker 2>How attractive it is. And to be honest, my life

0:24:11.567 --> 0:24:15.487
<v Speaker 2>would probably be less stressful if I chosen someone who

0:24:15.487 --> 0:24:18.047
<v Speaker 2>could take care of all the things. But I just

0:24:18.407 --> 0:24:21.367
<v Speaker 2>for me. Obviously, somewhere it's linked with control and I

0:24:21.407 --> 0:24:24.727
<v Speaker 2>don't like that. And maybe the experiences I've had where

0:24:24.807 --> 0:24:27.487
<v Speaker 2>when a guy is saying I'll take care of it,

0:24:27.567 --> 0:24:29.807
<v Speaker 2>I often feel like I'm being told to sit down

0:24:29.847 --> 0:24:31.767
<v Speaker 2>and shut up, you know what I mean, And I

0:24:31.807 --> 0:24:32.447
<v Speaker 2>don't like.

0:24:32.647 --> 0:24:33.607
<v Speaker 1>I don't like that.

0:24:34.127 --> 0:24:37.167
<v Speaker 2>But this guy's interesting because I can see what he

0:24:37.367 --> 0:24:40.367
<v Speaker 2>means about the confidence that it's hot to walk through

0:24:40.367 --> 0:24:43.687
<v Speaker 2>the world being like I am in charge of my kingdom.

0:24:44.167 --> 0:24:46.047
<v Speaker 2>But I'm like, where does that leave me? I want

0:24:46.047 --> 0:24:47.727
<v Speaker 2>to be a queen? Does the king want a queen?

0:24:47.807 --> 0:24:48.167
<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

0:24:48.287 --> 0:24:50.687
<v Speaker 1>Its other energy is a different thing. So that's Beyonce.

0:24:50.807 --> 0:24:54.327
<v Speaker 1>That's similar. That's like not so much safety. That's iconic status, right,

0:24:54.367 --> 0:24:58.447
<v Speaker 1>So people call Beyonce mother and the goddess mother. They

0:24:58.527 --> 0:25:01.607
<v Speaker 1>might call me Donna mother. It's sort of like goddess

0:25:02.047 --> 0:25:04.487
<v Speaker 1>icon It's not about money.

0:25:04.247 --> 0:25:04.527
<v Speaker 4>Is it.

0:25:04.527 --> 0:25:08.207
<v Speaker 1>It's really about responsibility and capability. I think it's about

0:25:08.287 --> 0:25:13.487
<v Speaker 1>mental load. You know. I think it's about someone who

0:25:13.527 --> 0:25:16.447
<v Speaker 1>will share the mental load or take some mental load

0:25:16.567 --> 0:25:20.767
<v Speaker 1>from you. It's not about someone paying for every for me,

0:25:21.047 --> 0:25:24.407
<v Speaker 1>about someone paying for everything. It's about, oh, I don't

0:25:24.407 --> 0:25:25.567
<v Speaker 1>have to think of everything.

0:25:26.007 --> 0:25:26.207
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:25:26.327 --> 0:25:28.607
<v Speaker 3>I think in the early stages of dating someone, it

0:25:28.727 --> 0:25:31.207
<v Speaker 3>is a bit kind of about the paying thing, Like

0:25:31.247 --> 0:25:33.087
<v Speaker 3>it is a nice story to tell your friends, Like

0:25:33.167 --> 0:25:35.007
<v Speaker 3>you sit down at dinner and they want to hear

0:25:35.007 --> 0:25:36.687
<v Speaker 3>your dating stories, and they're kind of hoping it's a

0:25:36.687 --> 0:25:38.607
<v Speaker 3>tragic one, so they get entertainment out of it, and

0:25:38.687 --> 0:25:41.127
<v Speaker 3>you sit down and you go, he paid for everything,

0:25:41.167 --> 0:25:43.247
<v Speaker 3>Like he organized the date, like he did all of

0:25:43.287 --> 0:25:45.087
<v Speaker 3>this stuff, And like, I feel like that is the

0:25:45.167 --> 0:25:49.447
<v Speaker 3>daddy energy that I like. Because whether that like continues

0:25:49.447 --> 0:25:52.047
<v Speaker 3>on in the relationship or not, like it starts off really.

0:25:51.847 --> 0:25:56.087
<v Speaker 1>Powerful unless it's an early warning sign of it's very controlling.

0:25:56.647 --> 0:25:58.207
<v Speaker 3>Have had that as well, I must say.

0:25:58.487 --> 0:26:01.007
<v Speaker 1>Speaking of love interest, is marrying your best friend ever

0:26:01.047 --> 0:26:04.167
<v Speaker 1>a good idea? Can best friends turn into lovers? And

0:26:04.207 --> 0:26:08.887
<v Speaker 1>should lovers become best friends? In yesterday's episode, we debated this,

0:26:09.287 --> 0:26:10.167
<v Speaker 1>he's a little taste.

0:26:10.567 --> 0:26:13.807
<v Speaker 3>In an ideal world, I would see my romantic partner

0:26:14.007 --> 0:26:17.647
<v Speaker 3>being at the same level as my best friend, not

0:26:17.687 --> 0:26:19.447
<v Speaker 3>above them. And I don't see my best friend being

0:26:19.487 --> 0:26:24.527
<v Speaker 3>above them. My friends who have gotten into relationships, I

0:26:24.687 --> 0:26:28.047
<v Speaker 3>feel me losing them as a best friend. You automatically

0:26:28.087 --> 0:26:30.647
<v Speaker 3>know when their partner becomes their best friend, because you're

0:26:30.687 --> 0:26:32.407
<v Speaker 3>automatically taken off something.

0:26:32.447 --> 0:26:34.927
<v Speaker 2>Well, what's the symptom of that? Tell me what happens

0:26:34.967 --> 0:26:38.247
<v Speaker 2>when you first go, oh, they've taken that spot from me.

0:26:38.327 --> 0:26:41.767
<v Speaker 3>Now, when I find out that they've told their partner

0:26:42.207 --> 0:26:44.287
<v Speaker 3>they've got a promotion, or they've had a fight or

0:26:44.367 --> 0:26:46.967
<v Speaker 3>something before they've told me, I'm like, oh, this is

0:26:47.007 --> 0:26:47.967
<v Speaker 3>the switch.

0:26:48.127 --> 0:26:50.167
<v Speaker 1>Sex with your best friend, good or bad. A link

0:26:50.247 --> 0:26:52.167
<v Speaker 1>to the episode will be in the show notes.

0:26:53.127 --> 0:26:56.807
<v Speaker 3>Do you know someone who just never shuts the fuck up? Sonnis?

0:26:57.007 --> 0:27:01.407
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, your mouth is moving a lot like a rats

0:27:02.207 --> 0:27:03.567
<v Speaker 1>Yeah ya Yapa Yapa.

0:27:03.727 --> 0:27:06.727
<v Speaker 3>Subseac writer and Cadet wrote a post titled how to

0:27:06.767 --> 0:27:09.407
<v Speaker 3>Deal with People who talk and talk and talk and talk.

0:27:10.007 --> 0:27:11.887
<v Speaker 3>She talked about how she had a friend named Gabby

0:27:12.087 --> 0:27:14.127
<v Speaker 3>who she loved and had so much in common with,

0:27:14.247 --> 0:27:17.887
<v Speaker 3>and this friend she called a monologuer. So she said

0:27:17.887 --> 0:27:20.687
<v Speaker 3>that if there was a transcript of their conversation and

0:27:20.807 --> 0:27:23.967
<v Speaker 3>said that Gabby would do ninety five percent of the talking.

0:27:24.727 --> 0:27:27.847
<v Speaker 3>So one day she decided to confront her monologue friend, Gabby,

0:27:28.047 --> 0:27:30.247
<v Speaker 3>and I'm going to read a little excerpt of the substack.

0:27:30.407 --> 0:27:34.247
<v Speaker 3>It's so good, Gabby. I've been feeling a little irritated

0:27:34.367 --> 0:27:37.487
<v Speaker 3>that whenever we meet up, it's mostly you talking about yourself.

0:27:37.647 --> 0:27:40.807
<v Speaker 3>We never talk about me. She expressed surprise, and then,

0:27:40.807 --> 0:27:43.647
<v Speaker 3>to her credit, asked what she should do well. I said,

0:27:43.727 --> 0:27:46.247
<v Speaker 3>you could ask what's new with me? What's new with you?

0:27:46.287 --> 0:27:49.327
<v Speaker 3>Said Gabby. I started relaying a recent adventure, but within

0:27:49.447 --> 0:27:53.047
<v Speaker 3>minutes she steered the conversation back to herself. Gabby, I said,

0:27:53.327 --> 0:27:54.727
<v Speaker 3>we're talking about you again.

0:27:54.847 --> 0:27:56.247
<v Speaker 1>This is such good communication.

0:27:56.607 --> 0:27:59.967
<v Speaker 3>She requested more guidance, and I suggested she express an

0:28:00.047 --> 0:28:03.367
<v Speaker 3>interest in my story by asking questions. Gabby put in

0:28:03.367 --> 0:28:06.007
<v Speaker 3>a mighty effort, but after ten minutes she announced that

0:28:06.047 --> 0:28:08.367
<v Speaker 3>she had to run. Thank you for your honesty, she

0:28:08.367 --> 0:28:10.367
<v Speaker 3>said in her way out, But it was so helpful

0:28:10.407 --> 0:28:12.327
<v Speaker 3>for me to get the feedback. And I never heard

0:28:12.327 --> 0:28:18.527
<v Speaker 3>from Gabby and Holly, do you have a monologer in

0:28:18.567 --> 0:28:19.127
<v Speaker 3>your life?

0:28:19.207 --> 0:28:21.647
<v Speaker 2>I do. I have monologuers in my life, for sure.

0:28:22.287 --> 0:28:25.327
<v Speaker 2>And sometimes I'm really grateful for them because I do

0:28:25.367 --> 0:28:28.287
<v Speaker 2>a lot of talking, and sometimes I don't want to talk.

0:28:28.687 --> 0:28:32.007
<v Speaker 2>So I know there are some social situations in which

0:28:32.047 --> 0:28:34.447
<v Speaker 2>I can just throw someone a question and sit back,

0:28:34.607 --> 0:28:38.287
<v Speaker 2>and that makes me very happy. I don't always have

0:28:38.327 --> 0:28:38.927
<v Speaker 2>a problem with it.

0:28:38.967 --> 0:28:41.447
<v Speaker 1>I have to saya. The best interviews when you just

0:28:42.527 --> 0:28:45.687
<v Speaker 1>you can just go, so, how did you get here?

0:28:45.767 --> 0:28:48.127
<v Speaker 1>And then it's just like, right, okay, thanks for joining us.

0:28:48.207 --> 0:28:51.727
<v Speaker 1>That's always got time for I. When I first read this,

0:28:52.007 --> 0:28:54.367
<v Speaker 1>became panicked that oh shit, and my monologue because I

0:28:54.407 --> 0:28:57.407
<v Speaker 1>talk a lot and I don't shut up. Holly helpfully

0:28:57.447 --> 0:29:00.447
<v Speaker 1>pointed out that I have a different annoying conversational thing,

0:29:00.487 --> 0:29:03.727
<v Speaker 1>which is I'm an interrupter, so I'll interrupt to ask questions.

0:29:04.487 --> 0:29:09.007
<v Speaker 1>I have people in my life who do this. I

0:29:09.047 --> 0:29:13.007
<v Speaker 1>often we'll be listening to someone tell a really long, detailed,

0:29:13.007 --> 0:29:16.167
<v Speaker 1>boring story and I'll be thinking to myself, how can

0:29:16.207 --> 0:29:19.487
<v Speaker 1>you not know? This is not interesting? Or I'll play

0:29:19.527 --> 0:29:22.687
<v Speaker 1>a game with myself when I'm like, I wonder if

0:29:22.727 --> 0:29:26.007
<v Speaker 1>they'll ask me a question at all in this period

0:29:26.047 --> 0:29:27.887
<v Speaker 1>of time that I see them, and do they know

0:29:28.847 --> 0:29:31.567
<v Speaker 1>or it's a perfunctory one and then as Gabby did

0:29:31.607 --> 0:29:35.567
<v Speaker 1>they get back to themselves. I do a thing when

0:29:35.607 --> 0:29:38.647
<v Speaker 1>I'm tired, particularly whole, and it's funny. I've been pulled

0:29:38.687 --> 0:29:41.047
<v Speaker 1>up on it when I'll go into interview mode because

0:29:41.087 --> 0:29:42.767
<v Speaker 1>when I'm tired and I don't want to talk because

0:29:42.807 --> 0:29:44.807
<v Speaker 1>we talk a lot on the show, I will just

0:29:44.847 --> 0:29:47.447
<v Speaker 1>ask questions and also I'm interested. But I'll often go

0:29:47.527 --> 0:29:50.527
<v Speaker 1>into interview mode, like my kids will go, this is

0:29:50.567 --> 0:29:54.327
<v Speaker 1>not no filter, and I'll catch myself doing it. But

0:29:55.047 --> 0:29:57.727
<v Speaker 1>when you ask someone a lot of questions about themselves,

0:29:58.647 --> 0:30:01.527
<v Speaker 1>they can be like, oh, you're really interested, I'll keep talking.

0:30:02.327 --> 0:30:04.887
<v Speaker 1>And so I think sometimes if you're with a monologer,

0:30:05.807 --> 0:30:08.287
<v Speaker 1>just check that you're not kicking the can down the

0:30:08.367 --> 0:30:10.927
<v Speaker 1>road you sell, and that you're not the one that's

0:30:11.407 --> 0:30:14.487
<v Speaker 1>constantly asking the questions, and just see what happens if

0:30:14.487 --> 0:30:16.327
<v Speaker 1>you stop asking questions.

0:30:16.407 --> 0:30:17.287
<v Speaker 3>Is that your strategy?

0:30:17.487 --> 0:30:19.687
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it is, except with this one person I had

0:30:19.727 --> 0:30:22.727
<v Speaker 1>to actually because I watched them monologue to someone else

0:30:22.727 --> 0:30:26.247
<v Speaker 1>who was trying to have a conversation with them and

0:30:26.287 --> 0:30:29.487
<v Speaker 1>who I know they really love, and I just watched

0:30:29.567 --> 0:30:33.887
<v Speaker 1>this person trying to connect, throwing bids out for connection,

0:30:34.127 --> 0:30:36.887
<v Speaker 1>and this other person the monologue just kept going and

0:30:36.967 --> 0:30:38.887
<v Speaker 1>kept going and kept going and didn't ask a question,

0:30:38.927 --> 0:30:42.607
<v Speaker 1>and this other person sort of wandered off. And I

0:30:42.687 --> 0:30:48.207
<v Speaker 1>know that this person was feeling unsatisfied by their social interactions.

0:30:49.047 --> 0:30:52.007
<v Speaker 1>And I just said, you know, you didn't ask that

0:30:52.087 --> 0:30:54.767
<v Speaker 1>person a single question. And it was easy because it

0:30:54.807 --> 0:30:58.007
<v Speaker 1>wasn't me. I was just an observer. And they're like what,

0:30:58.407 --> 0:31:00.447
<v Speaker 1>and I went, yeah, they came down and they were

0:31:00.687 --> 0:31:03.767
<v Speaker 1>trying to connect with you and tell you, and they've

0:31:03.767 --> 0:31:06.007
<v Speaker 1>got all these things going on in their life, and

0:31:06.047 --> 0:31:09.087
<v Speaker 1>you just monologued about this story and this thing that

0:31:09.247 --> 0:31:11.567
<v Speaker 1>happened to you and this other thing that's going on

0:31:11.607 --> 0:31:13.647
<v Speaker 1>in your life. And it was a real missed opportunity.

0:31:14.007 --> 0:31:18.247
<v Speaker 1>And to their credit, they were mortified, and ever since

0:31:18.967 --> 0:31:21.847
<v Speaker 1>have made such an effort, and I've watched them interact

0:31:21.847 --> 0:31:24.447
<v Speaker 1>and they've done things like gone, no, I need to

0:31:24.447 --> 0:31:27.007
<v Speaker 1>ask you some questions. I want to hear about your life.

0:31:27.087 --> 0:31:29.727
<v Speaker 1>So they've like really taken it to heart, and I

0:31:29.727 --> 0:31:30.927
<v Speaker 1>think it's made a big difference.

0:31:31.447 --> 0:31:34.687
<v Speaker 3>I don't have that many monologus in my life. There's

0:31:34.687 --> 0:31:36.727
<v Speaker 3>a lot of monologuing when it comes to dating, but

0:31:36.807 --> 0:31:40.007
<v Speaker 3>in my actual life, I think what's worse and monologuing

0:31:40.087 --> 0:31:42.367
<v Speaker 3>is someone who lets you talk, but you can tell

0:31:42.407 --> 0:31:45.247
<v Speaker 3>they're just thinking about the next thing to say. Yeah,

0:31:45.287 --> 0:31:47.087
<v Speaker 3>And I'm like, at least what monologuing If you do

0:31:47.287 --> 0:31:49.887
<v Speaker 3>kind of interrupt them, they could potentially listen to what

0:31:49.927 --> 0:31:52.447
<v Speaker 3>you're saying. But when someone is one hundred percent not

0:31:52.567 --> 0:31:55.567
<v Speaker 3>listening and just wants to talk and say their next thing,

0:31:55.687 --> 0:31:56.967
<v Speaker 3>that is way we talked.

0:31:56.727 --> 0:31:59.447
<v Speaker 1>About snow globers, where they're just like waiting for a

0:31:59.527 --> 0:32:02.007
<v Speaker 1>pause to go, yeah, that happened to me, and then

0:32:02.087 --> 0:32:04.647
<v Speaker 1>show you their snow globe and something that happened.

0:32:04.727 --> 0:32:04.887
<v Speaker 4>Oh.

0:32:04.967 --> 0:32:09.927
<v Speaker 1>I find that older people often will do that generalizing,

0:32:10.007 --> 0:32:13.087
<v Speaker 1>but will want to tell long stories about their past,

0:32:13.127 --> 0:32:17.927
<v Speaker 1>often instead of asking questions to the young people around.

0:32:17.927 --> 0:32:20.127
<v Speaker 2>The thing is, though, right about you know your point

0:32:20.167 --> 0:32:21.887
<v Speaker 2>about when you sit there listening to them tell you

0:32:21.887 --> 0:32:23.607
<v Speaker 2>a story and you're like, do you know how boring

0:32:23.647 --> 0:32:27.567
<v Speaker 2>you are? How do you know that you're right? Like,

0:32:27.687 --> 0:32:30.967
<v Speaker 2>you're bored a lot MEA's boredom threshold is very low,

0:32:31.487 --> 0:32:34.287
<v Speaker 2>so it's like, oh, because it's boring to you, it

0:32:34.287 --> 0:32:36.127
<v Speaker 2>doesn't necessarily mean that it's boring.

0:32:36.207 --> 0:32:38.007
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, So I'll give you an example and I never

0:32:38.047 --> 0:32:40.287
<v Speaker 1>think you're boring. I just am always like this is

0:32:40.287 --> 0:32:42.367
<v Speaker 1>a boring story, because these are usually people that I love.

0:32:42.887 --> 0:32:44.327
<v Speaker 1>Ask me a question, any question.

0:32:45.127 --> 0:32:46.247
<v Speaker 2>What did you do this morning?

0:32:47.087 --> 0:32:50.607
<v Speaker 1>Well, the alarm went off and I set my phone

0:32:50.607 --> 0:32:53.207
<v Speaker 1>to silent, and I shouldn't have because I should know,

0:32:53.287 --> 0:32:55.367
<v Speaker 1>but I had it on because in case Coco calls me.

0:32:55.447 --> 0:32:58.207
<v Speaker 1>She's in Europe, you know, I got up and into

0:32:58.207 --> 0:33:00.727
<v Speaker 1>the tea bag and it's like, no, no, just to

0:33:00.967 --> 0:33:05.087
<v Speaker 1>back edit, like, but what happened? Yeah, I don't want

0:33:05.127 --> 0:33:07.567
<v Speaker 1>to know fourteen hours or if I'm asking you a

0:33:07.567 --> 0:33:09.727
<v Speaker 1>specific thing, you know, I want to tell you something.

0:33:10.127 --> 0:33:11.287
<v Speaker 1>Just cut to the important.

0:33:11.447 --> 0:33:13.567
<v Speaker 2>Not everybody's good at telling a story, right. So this

0:33:13.687 --> 0:33:16.287
<v Speaker 2>is one of the key things about monologuers, right, because

0:33:16.287 --> 0:33:18.687
<v Speaker 2>I think we live in a very monology culture. We

0:33:18.807 --> 0:33:23.087
<v Speaker 2>have convinced ourselves that my piece to camera, my voice note,

0:33:23.567 --> 0:33:28.087
<v Speaker 2>my several swipes along Instagram carousel is really interesting. We've

0:33:28.127 --> 0:33:31.167
<v Speaker 2>moved into monologue culture. We don't like conversation anymore, we

0:33:31.207 --> 0:33:35.487
<v Speaker 2>don't like phone conversations. So I think people have decided

0:33:35.527 --> 0:33:38.247
<v Speaker 2>that monologuing is where it's at. But the problem with

0:33:38.527 --> 0:33:42.607
<v Speaker 2>IRL monologuing is you have to be a good storyteller

0:33:42.647 --> 0:33:45.207
<v Speaker 2>to do it well. And I can very clearly remember

0:33:45.207 --> 0:33:46.887
<v Speaker 2>some of the best stories I've ever been told in

0:33:46.887 --> 0:33:48.687
<v Speaker 2>my life. I don't mean in a professional setting. I

0:33:48.687 --> 0:33:52.047
<v Speaker 2>mean like a friend or someone I know at a

0:33:52.087 --> 0:33:54.527
<v Speaker 2>party or whatever telling me an amazing story and You're

0:33:54.567 --> 0:33:57.007
<v Speaker 2>just like, no, keep going, that's fricking great, right. So

0:33:57.407 --> 0:34:00.967
<v Speaker 2>it's not that monologuing has a standard rule that shires

0:34:00.967 --> 0:34:04.047
<v Speaker 2>the story because they know which bits to keep in

0:34:04.047 --> 0:34:04.727
<v Speaker 2>and which bits.

0:34:04.567 --> 0:34:05.247
<v Speaker 1>To keep out.

0:34:05.287 --> 0:34:08.287
<v Speaker 2>But not everybody has that skill, right. And the thing

0:34:08.367 --> 0:34:10.407
<v Speaker 2>is is the people who are very good at telling

0:34:10.487 --> 0:34:13.527
<v Speaker 2>stories still have stories, do you know what I mean?

0:34:16.127 --> 0:34:18.327
<v Speaker 2>I used to really like, I know this is not

0:34:18.447 --> 0:34:21.167
<v Speaker 2>everybody agrees with this, but like when my grandparents were

0:34:21.167 --> 0:34:23.207
<v Speaker 2>alive and I was little, I used to love their

0:34:23.207 --> 0:34:26.087
<v Speaker 2>stories about like the war and about what life was like,

0:34:26.287 --> 0:34:29.207
<v Speaker 2>you know, like back in the older days. And they

0:34:29.247 --> 0:34:33.287
<v Speaker 2>weren't particularly good storytellers. So sometimes you have to sift

0:34:33.327 --> 0:34:36.087
<v Speaker 2>through the boring bits to get to the good stuff.

0:34:36.127 --> 0:34:39.927
<v Speaker 2>I wonder if we've all because we're so now used

0:34:39.927 --> 0:34:44.447
<v Speaker 2>to performance and all interaction is a performance, right, that

0:34:44.487 --> 0:34:47.927
<v Speaker 2>we've lost our tolerance for like sifting through the boring

0:34:47.927 --> 0:34:49.327
<v Speaker 2>story the chaff for the wheat.

0:34:49.367 --> 0:34:51.047
<v Speaker 1>Do you know, I think you've nailed it. I think

0:34:51.087 --> 0:34:55.407
<v Speaker 1>we've lost the ability to converse in real time where

0:34:55.487 --> 0:34:57.687
<v Speaker 1>I say a bit and then you say a bit.

0:34:57.727 --> 0:35:00.167
<v Speaker 1>But if I talk for too long, I become aware

0:35:00.247 --> 0:35:02.127
<v Speaker 1>that I've talked for too long, and I'm reading your

0:35:02.127 --> 0:35:04.927
<v Speaker 1>body language and facial expressions, and I can see when

0:35:04.967 --> 0:35:07.527
<v Speaker 1>the light goes off in your eyes and you're actually

0:35:07.887 --> 0:35:08.687
<v Speaker 1>thinking about.

0:35:08.487 --> 0:35:11.607
<v Speaker 2>Something monkeys in your head. Like one of my old

0:35:11.647 --> 0:35:13.887
<v Speaker 2>friends who I haven't seen for ages actually, but her

0:35:14.127 --> 0:35:19.167
<v Speaker 2>husband is a classic monologuer. Right. Although I like him

0:35:19.207 --> 0:35:21.927
<v Speaker 2>and I've known him for a lot of years, I

0:35:21.967 --> 0:35:24.847
<v Speaker 2>would avoid catch ups where it was him as well,

0:35:24.847 --> 0:35:26.727
<v Speaker 2>because he would just take over with.

0:35:26.767 --> 0:35:28.727
<v Speaker 1>His that's the power monologuer.

0:35:28.327 --> 0:35:31.647
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and his stories, like he had interesting ideas and

0:35:31.687 --> 0:35:34.047
<v Speaker 2>things to say, his stories where he just would talk

0:35:34.047 --> 0:35:35.807
<v Speaker 2>and talk and talk and talk and talk, And so

0:35:35.967 --> 0:35:38.087
<v Speaker 2>you would be like, Okay, if I want to catch

0:35:38.167 --> 0:35:40.767
<v Speaker 2>up with my girlfriend, he needs to not be around

0:35:41.087 --> 0:35:43.327
<v Speaker 2>because I won't get to catch up with my girlfriend.

0:35:43.407 --> 0:35:45.487
<v Speaker 2>I'll just have to listen to his monologues. But I'm

0:35:45.527 --> 0:35:49.527
<v Speaker 2>sure that he thinks that he's trying really hard to

0:35:49.687 --> 0:35:52.567
<v Speaker 2>engage and interact with his friends, you know, like his

0:35:52.607 --> 0:35:53.487
<v Speaker 2>wife's best friend.

0:35:53.687 --> 0:35:55.767
<v Speaker 1>I was just giving speeches. That's such a good point.

0:35:55.847 --> 0:35:58.247
<v Speaker 1>So the monologu as I was talking about were not

0:35:58.407 --> 0:36:02.847
<v Speaker 1>power monologuers. They were more just this isn't very interesting monologuers,

0:36:02.887 --> 0:36:04.967
<v Speaker 1>the people who weren't very good editors or very good

0:36:05.007 --> 0:36:08.287
<v Speaker 1>storytellers and couldn't work out what bits of an event

0:36:08.367 --> 0:36:11.607
<v Speaker 1>or inexperience are relevant and interesting to your audience and

0:36:11.647 --> 0:36:14.887
<v Speaker 1>which are probably best kept as inside thoughts. But a

0:36:14.967 --> 0:36:19.207
<v Speaker 1>power monologuer makes me angry because they hold everyone. If

0:36:19.247 --> 0:36:21.327
<v Speaker 1>you've been at a dinner party or if you've been

0:36:21.887 --> 0:36:24.567
<v Speaker 1>I've never known really a woman that does this. But

0:36:24.607 --> 0:36:27.927
<v Speaker 1>there's also a man of a certain age who expects

0:36:27.967 --> 0:36:30.287
<v Speaker 1>everyone to be quiet. And what was the precursor to

0:36:30.327 --> 0:36:33.327
<v Speaker 1>the power monologuer. You don't see them so much anymore,

0:36:33.447 --> 0:36:36.607
<v Speaker 1>But it's the joke teller. So it was the person

0:36:36.687 --> 0:36:40.007
<v Speaker 1>who would tell a joke. The conversation would have to

0:36:40.047 --> 0:36:42.927
<v Speaker 1>stop and everyone would have to stand quietly or whatever

0:36:43.207 --> 0:36:45.927
<v Speaker 1>and wait for the whole joke to be told and

0:36:45.967 --> 0:36:48.927
<v Speaker 1>then laugh at the end. And that is a power

0:36:48.967 --> 0:36:50.447
<v Speaker 1>mood that I absolutely hate.

0:36:50.567 --> 0:36:55.087
<v Speaker 3>I don't have experience with like a storyteller monologue. I think,

0:36:55.407 --> 0:36:59.047
<v Speaker 3>especially when going on first dates, I realized that a

0:36:59.087 --> 0:37:01.607
<v Speaker 3>lot of men don't really talk about their feelings and

0:37:01.647 --> 0:37:03.727
<v Speaker 3>what's going on in their lives with their friends, and

0:37:03.767 --> 0:37:06.287
<v Speaker 3>I think monologuing is kind of I'm going to generalize here,

0:37:06.287 --> 0:37:08.727
<v Speaker 3>but monologuing is kind of a symptom of the single

0:37:08.727 --> 0:37:11.527
<v Speaker 3>straight man. They don't have an outlet to give everything

0:37:11.567 --> 0:37:13.327
<v Speaker 3>to their friends. So when you go on a date,

0:37:13.407 --> 0:37:15.047
<v Speaker 3>and obviously on first dates, you want to know more

0:37:15.047 --> 0:37:17.607
<v Speaker 3>about the person, so you're asking them questions because no

0:37:17.607 --> 0:37:19.527
<v Speaker 3>one's ever asked them a question before. They just run

0:37:19.567 --> 0:37:22.607
<v Speaker 3>with it and keep talking and talking and talking till

0:37:22.607 --> 0:37:24.287
<v Speaker 3>the end of the day you realize that they don't

0:37:24.287 --> 0:37:25.927
<v Speaker 3>know a single thing about you.

0:37:26.207 --> 0:37:28.687
<v Speaker 1>But is that that male female thing, because I remember thinking,

0:37:28.887 --> 0:37:31.567
<v Speaker 1>I remember first reading about it in the context of dating.

0:37:31.567 --> 0:37:34.367
<v Speaker 3>That men don't ask enough questions, no, because.

0:37:34.047 --> 0:37:36.887
<v Speaker 1>They're not as in tune with the social contract of

0:37:37.047 --> 0:37:39.327
<v Speaker 1>I ask you a few questions, and then when you've

0:37:39.367 --> 0:37:41.887
<v Speaker 1>spoken for long enough, you ask me a few questions back.

0:37:41.887 --> 0:37:44.607
<v Speaker 1>And that's how it works. So they'll just be like, oh,

0:37:44.687 --> 0:37:46.807
<v Speaker 1>she thinks I'm interesting. I'll keep talking, so that she

0:37:46.887 --> 0:37:48.207
<v Speaker 1>thinks I'm even more interesting.

0:37:48.287 --> 0:37:50.527
<v Speaker 3>But then they also just sit in the silence when

0:37:50.527 --> 0:37:51.527
<v Speaker 3>you're waiting for a question.

0:37:51.727 --> 0:37:52.847
<v Speaker 1>Oh wow, it's so weird.

0:37:52.887 --> 0:37:56.087
<v Speaker 3>So I always my strategy for monologue is is I

0:37:56.087 --> 0:37:58.527
<v Speaker 3>always go not that you asked, but I also have

0:37:58.567 --> 0:38:04.007
<v Speaker 3>a sister, Oh that's gay chill, and then they get like,

0:38:04.007 --> 0:38:05.927
<v Speaker 3>oh shit, yeah that's genius.

0:38:05.967 --> 0:38:08.647
<v Speaker 2>So the best way to shut a monologuer up is

0:38:09.087 --> 0:38:11.607
<v Speaker 2>I'd be very direct, like the woman who wrote the substack,

0:38:11.687 --> 0:38:13.567
<v Speaker 2>which is like, do you realize you're not asking me

0:38:13.607 --> 0:38:17.407
<v Speaker 2>any questions? Interrupt with questions, or just throw a bomb

0:38:17.447 --> 0:38:19.647
<v Speaker 2>like MV just did, like not that you asked, but

0:38:20.127 --> 0:38:23.687
<v Speaker 2>I love it. That's it for today's show, Out Louders,

0:38:23.687 --> 0:38:25.847
<v Speaker 2>thank you so much for being with us. Thank you

0:38:25.887 --> 0:38:28.407
<v Speaker 2>to you m V for filling out, and Jesse, you've

0:38:28.447 --> 0:38:30.887
<v Speaker 2>got another show on Friday day. And then I believe

0:38:30.927 --> 0:38:32.527
<v Speaker 2>she's on our way, she's on a plane, she'll be

0:38:32.567 --> 0:38:34.647
<v Speaker 2>on a plane. By then, she will be on a plane,

0:38:34.847 --> 0:38:36.647
<v Speaker 2>thank God, with her bebby a.

0:38:36.647 --> 0:38:41.367
<v Speaker 1>Ten month old alone, because Lucas already back. So thoughts

0:38:41.367 --> 0:38:42.967
<v Speaker 1>and prayers for Jesse out Louders.

0:38:44.287 --> 0:38:46.807
<v Speaker 2>We will be back in your ears on Friday. We

0:38:46.927 --> 0:38:47.847
<v Speaker 2>cannot wait.

0:38:47.647 --> 0:38:49.727
<v Speaker 1>To talk to you. Then, Bye bye, Siya.

0:38:50.567 --> 0:38:53.407
<v Speaker 2>Shout out to any Mamma Mia subscribers listening. If you

0:38:53.607 --> 0:38:56.447
<v Speaker 2>love the show and you want to support us, subscribing

0:38:56.487 --> 0:38:58.887
<v Speaker 2>to Mamma Mia is the very best way to do it.

0:38:59.087 --> 0:39:00.967
<v Speaker 2>There's a link in the episode description