WEBVTT - Introducing... The Baby Bubble 0:00:10.007 --> 0:00:10.327 So much. 0:00:10.367 --> 0:00:13.047 You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast. 0:00:13.727 --> 0:00:16.767 Mama Mayer acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 0:00:16.807 --> 0:00:20.287 that this podcast is recorded on. Hello, it is Clara 0:00:20.287 --> 0:00:23.407 and Jesse here, just popping into your ears to let 0:00:23.447 --> 0:00:26.527 you know about a brand new podcast that we've done. 0:00:26.647 --> 0:00:29.967 It is in the canceled ecosystem. I would say it 0:00:30.007 --> 0:00:36.327 is because it's about canceling our own baby lovingly, lovingly, 0:00:36.607 --> 0:00:39.527 not so much the baby, but the things around the baby, 0:00:39.567 --> 0:00:44.207 the earnestness of parenting as a thing we do. And 0:00:44.247 --> 0:00:48.447 then we talk about Mama's very patronizingly and I don't 0:00:48.607 --> 0:00:51.727 like the word bub Look, we have done a whole 0:00:51.807 --> 0:00:55.207 series of the baby Bubble about the fourth trimester, everything 0:00:55.407 --> 0:00:57.847 from how we're doing feeding wrong and how we're doing 0:00:57.847 --> 0:01:01.207 feeding wrong in unique ways. Yeah, there are new mistakes 0:01:01.207 --> 0:01:03.367 to be made, always how to tell people to get 0:01:03.367 --> 0:01:06.167 the fuck out of your house because the village can 0:01:06.247 --> 0:01:10.367 be a little bit annoying, and the like, how our 0:01:10.447 --> 0:01:14.367 partners we didn't notice how incompetent they were until now. 0:01:14.487 --> 0:01:17.647 Until now, So we do discuss that, we cover everything, 0:01:18.127 --> 0:01:21.527 but just a warning, this is not a parenting advice podcast. 0:01:21.847 --> 0:01:26.047 Do we do an advice column. Yeah, is it helpful exclusively? Not? So. Look, 0:01:26.087 --> 0:01:28.407 if you want to expert advice, literally, go to anyone, 0:01:28.447 --> 0:01:30.367 As we say, go to the woman at the bus stop. 0:01:30.407 --> 0:01:32.607 She's got something to say. We don't. So here is 0:01:32.607 --> 0:01:34.487 the first episode for you to have a listen to, 0:01:34.847 --> 0:01:37.487 and there's a link in the show notes to find 0:01:37.487 --> 0:01:40.887 out more. Have a listen, and we hope you enjoy. Hey, 0:01:40.927 --> 0:01:43.887 I was just thinking, you know how they say sleep 0:01:43.887 --> 0:01:46.647 in the baby sleep's best advice ever, because I hadn't 0:01:46.687 --> 0:01:48.767 thought of that when the baby was sleeping. I was, 0:01:49.567 --> 0:01:52.807 I don't know, running a marathon while my badge is 0:01:53.167 --> 0:01:54.887 falling out my buttole. But you know how they say 0:01:54.927 --> 0:01:56.727 sleep while the baby sleeps. Do you think that we 0:01:56.767 --> 0:02:01.047 should podcasts rather than baby podcasts? Or do you think 0:02:01.087 --> 0:02:05.287 that we should die emails while the baby does for 0:02:05.327 --> 0:02:10.407 theiry males, how about cooking while the baby cooks? And 0:02:10.447 --> 0:02:12.407 we should just have a bath and a glass of 0:02:12.407 --> 0:02:14.207 wine when a baby has a path and a glass 0:02:14.247 --> 0:02:14.727 of wine. 0:02:15.767 --> 0:02:29.687 Shit the baby bubble with Claaring Jesse Stevens. It's definitely 0:02:29.727 --> 0:02:31.407 not a parenting advice podcast. 0:02:32.087 --> 0:02:34.407 We are identical twins who had our babies five and 0:02:34.407 --> 0:02:38.367 a half months apart, making them half siblings. I'm Jesse Stevens. 0:02:38.367 --> 0:02:40.567 I'm an author, writer and podcaster. You might have heard 0:02:40.567 --> 0:02:42.327 me on Mom and Me are out Loud and Canceled. 0:02:42.367 --> 0:02:45.727 And I'm Claire Stephens. I'm a writer and podcaster. You 0:02:45.807 --> 0:02:48.207 might have heard me on but are you huppy and canceled? 0:02:48.247 --> 0:02:51.647 And something we've noticed about parenting it's a little earnest. 0:02:52.167 --> 0:02:54.047 Everyone takes a very serious look. 0:02:55.407 --> 0:02:58.207 I have three mothers groups with my three children. I 0:02:58.247 --> 0:03:00.847 want to talk about the perks of showering with your babies. 0:03:00.887 --> 0:03:02.887 I'm going to get this product of a perfect child 0:03:02.927 --> 0:03:04.487 turned out exactly as I want to be. 0:03:04.647 --> 0:03:09.407 Four principles of positive parenting. I always make the the 0:03:09.447 --> 0:03:11.367 cake for my kid's party. It's my number one tip 0:03:11.407 --> 0:03:14.367 for surviving newborn life. And I was like, oh, oh 0:03:14.447 --> 0:03:19.007 my god, it's my water. It's all advice, it's all 0:03:19.047 --> 0:03:22.287 you got this, mama, it's all how with bubb and 0:03:22.327 --> 0:03:24.487 the hardest job in the world. And my baby has 0:03:24.567 --> 0:03:27.527 bright purple poop with mucus in it, and it's like, 0:03:27.647 --> 0:03:30.127 did you go foraging? You went foraging in your foundin 0:03:30.127 --> 0:03:33.327 and you know stuff, It's fine, It's absolutely fine. And 0:03:33.367 --> 0:03:36.847 look is she's hilarious. It's funnier than I thought, and 0:03:37.207 --> 0:03:39.287 funny things have happened. Yeah, And I don't think we 0:03:39.327 --> 0:03:42.727 acknowledge enough the funny because we're very busy with the 0:03:42.807 --> 0:03:46.927 earnest glare pop quiz. Will it be helpful? Absolutely not. 0:03:47.287 --> 0:03:49.807 Do you have any tips about a baby with a 0:03:49.887 --> 0:03:53.167 chronic fighting condition? No, but I would love some because 0:03:53.247 --> 0:03:56.567 Matilda she doesn't stop farting. She doesn't And I'm always like, oh, 0:03:56.607 --> 0:03:58.287 she's done a pool and You're like, no, no, no, 0:03:58.367 --> 0:04:00.967 She's just constantly covered and you can see like a 0:04:01.007 --> 0:04:03.567 green cloud of fings. She's in a waft of fight. 0:04:04.807 --> 0:04:08.967 Today is all about the experience of meeting this alien 0:04:09.287 --> 0:04:12.047 you've been growing inside you for frankly too long. At 0:04:12.087 --> 0:04:15.127 any point that you give birth, it's been too long, far, far, 0:04:15.207 --> 0:04:18.367 far too long. Before you have a baby. You're told 0:04:18.367 --> 0:04:21.087 that the moment you meet the human who's been using 0:04:21.127 --> 0:04:23.807 your chicken nuggets to grow hair and your donuts to 0:04:23.847 --> 0:04:26.727 grow knees is going to be nothing short of magical, 0:04:27.087 --> 0:04:29.687 and for a lot of women it absolutely is. They go, 0:04:29.767 --> 0:04:35.167 oh my gosh, look at my beautiful, little, scrumptious darling potato. 0:04:35.527 --> 0:04:39.047 But There's one thing no one talks about enough, and 0:04:39.087 --> 0:04:42.807 it's this. When your baby is born, you've literally never 0:04:42.887 --> 0:04:45.247 met who the fuck are you? They're looking up at 0:04:45.287 --> 0:04:48.047 you with the eyes they grew from your hot chips, 0:04:48.527 --> 0:04:50.847 and you're like, I don't want to be rude, but 0:04:50.927 --> 0:04:53.727 where did you come from? It's a very what's your deal? 0:04:53.887 --> 0:04:56.287 You're very trying to work each other out, so you're 0:04:56.327 --> 0:04:59.887 looking at them being like, what are your interests? Yeah? 0:05:00.247 --> 0:05:02.687 What are your values? Yeah? What are you going to 0:05:02.727 --> 0:05:05.967 bring to this family? Yes? And also what do you 0:05:05.967 --> 0:05:10.247 think of me? Yeah? Am i it? Do you like Mama? 0:05:10.727 --> 0:05:14.487 Do you like me? And also who are you? Broadly like, 0:05:14.527 --> 0:05:18.367 It's fine, honestly, it's fine. Don't personally know who are 0:05:18.527 --> 0:05:21.687 no all, but it's like we're suddenly incredibly close for 0:05:21.807 --> 0:05:24.327 two people who have known each other all of three 0:05:24.367 --> 0:05:26.727 seconds in that you came out of my body and 0:05:26.767 --> 0:05:30.447 now you seem to be squirming actively towards my breast. Yeah, 0:05:30.567 --> 0:05:33.607 yeah you know. Yeah, Jesse, can you give us your 0:05:33.647 --> 0:05:36.607 birth story in three sentences and then tell me what 0:05:36.647 --> 0:05:40.087 your vibe was of Luna? I was thinking of presenting 0:05:40.087 --> 0:05:45.167 it like a Google review, okay, because like Google reviews, four. 0:05:45.727 --> 0:05:52.407 Yeah high. Google review would recommend would say fab vibe 0:05:52.647 --> 0:05:54.847 pushing not as bad as I expected. Oh you're one 0:05:54.927 --> 0:05:58.447 of those, yes, but too long. So on my feedback form, 0:05:58.447 --> 0:06:01.567 I would just say sure to please. I vibed Luna 0:06:01.607 --> 0:06:03.207 from the beginning, and I think that was because of 0:06:03.207 --> 0:06:08.927 her sensibly sized head. Okay, the circumference was reasonable, absolutely reasonable, 0:06:08.967 --> 0:06:10.807 so it didn't hurt that much. I mean I also 0:06:10.847 --> 0:06:14.127 got an epidural. Like you know, Luna was very like 0:06:14.887 --> 0:06:17.687 puffy from all the flue she was. She was. It's 0:06:17.887 --> 0:06:19.647 very You look back and you go, that's not my baby. 0:06:19.647 --> 0:06:22.607 She was swapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because she looks 0:06:22.647 --> 0:06:23.367 completely different. 0:06:23.567 --> 0:06:26.687 What was your first reaction when your baby arrived appearance wise? 0:06:27.127 --> 0:06:30.967 H he's blue? How little and how cute he was, 0:06:31.127 --> 0:06:33.607 but also how slippery he was. Trying to pick him 0:06:33.687 --> 0:06:36.407 up and get him on my chest. Oh he's a 0:06:36.447 --> 0:06:40.767 bit ugly. Have you noticed, because they did it with 0:06:40.767 --> 0:06:42.927 both of our babies. When our babies were born, they 0:06:42.967 --> 0:06:46.447 made a remark about you have like daddy's nose. Yeah. 0:06:46.447 --> 0:06:49.207 Do you think that's because they're like, we don't want 0:06:49.207 --> 0:06:51.407 them to have a fight about this not being your baby? 0:06:51.767 --> 0:06:55.367 Oh maybe yeah, they don't like, I don't want to 0:06:55.367 --> 0:06:58.607 do oppternity test. No, okay, great point, because the midwife, 0:06:58.647 --> 0:07:01.327 they do make a point of saying, oh, daddy's eyes, 0:07:01.407 --> 0:07:05.807 daddy's eyes. Yeah, So the dad doesn't go, what the heck? Yeah, 0:07:05.847 --> 0:07:09.367 and charged out. Dad certainly doesn't see the resemblance. The 0:07:09.447 --> 0:07:13.367 dad's shocked at what they're saying. Because Purple and Bigley Claire, 0:07:13.367 --> 0:07:17.927 I want to hear your Google review please. Okay, I 0:07:17.967 --> 0:07:21.607 would say probably just in terms of birth, yeah, not 0:07:21.647 --> 0:07:25.607 in terms of baby love baby, Yeah, but birth two 0:07:25.607 --> 0:07:29.207 and a half stars. Maybe I would think less, Yeah, no, 0:07:29.287 --> 0:07:31.287 maybe less. I was trying to be nice. Okay. It 0:07:31.367 --> 0:07:34.247 was fuked in that it went for almost two full 0:07:34.327 --> 0:07:39.167 days and I birthed after having not slept four three nights. Yeah, 0:07:39.287 --> 0:07:42.047 like the same. Yeah, baby got stuck. Yeah, and then 0:07:42.047 --> 0:07:45.927 she panicked and she came in what can only be 0:07:45.967 --> 0:07:52.447 described as a frenzy involving a she has a prolonged 0:07:52.487 --> 0:07:55.087 fear of vacuums. Yeah, she says it, and she's like 0:07:55.127 --> 0:07:58.047 gonna wakerom my haird Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to 0:07:58.087 --> 0:08:01.007 embrace some of the principles of like calm and hypno 0:08:01.047 --> 0:08:05.407 birth during my yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then 0:08:05.487 --> 0:08:11.007 I was like, I refuse to remain calm ye use yes, 0:08:11.287 --> 0:08:15.367 And it was very so much energy to remain calm. No, 0:08:15.487 --> 0:08:17.407 and it's like I'd rather cry and kind of just 0:08:17.607 --> 0:08:21.847 vaguely yell. And I remember saying to you, oh, I 0:08:22.007 --> 0:08:24.847 meant to be relaxing my muscles, and they say, relax 0:08:24.927 --> 0:08:29.327 your mouth because your mouth matches your yeah pelver, so 0:08:29.367 --> 0:08:31.527 you meant to like relax your tongue and all of that. 0:08:31.927 --> 0:08:36.767 But I was so tense, and I kept telling myself, oh, 0:08:36.807 --> 0:08:39.327 why don't you just relax? But yeah, why can't I relax? 0:08:39.367 --> 0:08:41.647 And in hindsight, it's because I was in an inordinate 0:08:41.647 --> 0:08:44.327 amount of yeah, And so I don't like the idea 0:08:44.487 --> 0:08:47.407 that I meant to relax when I can't. But Matilda's 0:08:47.527 --> 0:08:51.607 vibe was very who she is now, which is a drama. 0:08:51.647 --> 0:08:52.367 Which is the drama? 0:08:52.487 --> 0:08:52.847 Is it me? 0:08:53.287 --> 0:08:56.527 Am I the drama? I don't think I'm a drama? Yeah, 0:08:56.567 --> 0:09:01.087 And she's quite eccentric really, So she came out not crying, 0:09:01.127 --> 0:09:04.047 which was terrifying and also unexpected, which is part of 0:09:04.087 --> 0:09:07.367 who she is. And she wasn't breathing, so she had 0:09:07.407 --> 0:09:10.047 to be taken off me which was very scary. But 0:09:10.047 --> 0:09:14.727 the poor thing was very sore after her corn. Yeah, 0:09:14.847 --> 0:09:17.047 but then she did come on me and she had 0:09:17.047 --> 0:09:20.287 done a pooh okay, so all right, because I wanted 0:09:20.327 --> 0:09:23.207 to speak for a moment about the experience from the 0:09:23.287 --> 0:09:26.047 eyes of the baby. Oh wow, because they've come out, 0:09:26.487 --> 0:09:30.527 which can you imagine? Can you imagine? So dark? So goody? 0:09:30.567 --> 0:09:33.887 Who the fuck are you? Firstly? Yeah? Why is it 0:09:33.927 --> 0:09:38.127 so dry out here? Yeah? Get your hands off me? 0:09:39.207 --> 0:09:44.647 And can sh everyone shut up? Everyone stopped talking to me. 0:09:44.927 --> 0:09:48.127 That's very loud. There's a lot of fuss that I 0:09:48.167 --> 0:09:51.207 came from a place of zero fuss. I came from 0:09:51.407 --> 0:09:54.687 the before land, where it was dark. Maybe there was 0:09:54.727 --> 0:09:57.887 a white noise machine on. There wasn't all this fuss. 0:09:57.967 --> 0:10:00.767 I wasn't doing much except every now and then I'd 0:10:00.767 --> 0:10:02.927 play with a bit of cord. I would I'd play 0:10:02.927 --> 0:10:04.887 with a bit of cord because we did learn in 0:10:04.967 --> 0:10:07.167 fact that with the umbilical cord they can do a 0:10:07.167 --> 0:10:11.327 party trip where they grab the cord, squeeze it, limit 0:10:11.367 --> 0:10:14.847 their oxygen supply, have a faint wake back up, and 0:10:14.887 --> 0:10:18.167 that's kind of the way that you pass time in utero. 0:10:18.367 --> 0:10:20.327 A lot of fun it's a lot of fun and 0:10:20.367 --> 0:10:23.727 apparently the obs can see it. And Matilda sucked her 0:10:23.767 --> 0:10:26.967 thumb in uro, so that was also one of her tricks. 0:10:26.967 --> 0:10:29.567 She went, this is fun. And then when they come out, 0:10:29.647 --> 0:10:33.047 apparently you know how you hear so many facts that 0:10:33.087 --> 0:10:36.327 you lose sense of what made up. I think I've 0:10:36.367 --> 0:10:39.007 made up a lot. But something to do with the 0:10:39.047 --> 0:10:43.647 milk smells like something in the uterus, so that's why 0:10:43.687 --> 0:10:47.087 they kind of gravitate towards it. So it's cute that 0:10:47.087 --> 0:10:49.407 they're placed on you. How can you smell through wet? 0:10:50.447 --> 0:10:54.447 Great question. They're very a fish. They're very a fish 0:10:54.527 --> 0:10:59.087 like and because this is what I don't understand. So 0:10:59.247 --> 0:11:03.127 in utero, yeah, we were convinced that they had I 0:11:03.167 --> 0:11:05.927 told someone that was confidence. I was like, oh no, no, no, 0:11:05.967 --> 0:11:07.767 they have gills and they come out and they don't Yeah, 0:11:07.847 --> 0:11:10.527 the gills close up. Yeah, But she didn't have girls, 0:11:10.727 --> 0:11:12.647 or if she did, I couldn't see that. No, And 0:11:12.687 --> 0:11:15.047 so I think Matilda was quite a fish. She was 0:11:15.247 --> 0:11:18.047 very a fish who had been in the water and 0:11:18.087 --> 0:11:21.247 then comes out and wriggles and wriggles and he's like, 0:11:21.647 --> 0:11:23.727 get me off this fishing line. And in this case, 0:11:23.727 --> 0:11:26.167 a fishing line was a vacum. Yeah, but she's like, 0:11:26.207 --> 0:11:28.167 I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And then they had 0:11:28.207 --> 0:11:31.247 to close her gills. They know they did have to 0:11:31.247 --> 0:11:34.847 close her Yeah, and just demonstrate breathing. Because what happened 0:11:34.847 --> 0:11:36.687 as well when your Matilda came out. If she came 0:11:36.687 --> 0:11:39.247 out and Rory was asked to cut the billin cook cord, 0:11:39.887 --> 0:11:42.487 and he was very this is a bit gross, This 0:11:42.567 --> 0:11:44.207 is a bit y, This is a bit yuck because 0:11:44.207 --> 0:11:46.967 I don't know, it's like funny color. Yeah, and they 0:11:46.967 --> 0:11:50.927 were like emergency cut. Now he couldn't decide whether he 0:11:51.007 --> 0:11:53.767 wanted to cut the cord, yeah, because he's very square 0:11:54.567 --> 0:11:57.087 and so he would it be to consider what you 0:11:57.127 --> 0:12:00.887 want in this moment. But he also be grossed out 0:12:00.887 --> 0:12:03.447 by anything. Yeah, it's like you want to be grossed out. 0:12:04.167 --> 0:12:07.127 I don't know where my butt hole begins an end, 0:12:07.967 --> 0:12:11.167 my vagina begins and ends, and I am covered in 0:12:11.247 --> 0:12:15.967 what can broadly be described as labor us labor, labor. 0:12:16.367 --> 0:12:19.487 It looks and smells like labor. My sense of being 0:12:19.527 --> 0:12:23.647 grossed out. She has pood, Probably I have pood. There 0:12:23.727 --> 0:12:26.767 is a mixture of poop and I feel no shame, 0:12:27.167 --> 0:12:30.207 just exhausted. Her poop is my poop. I'm her, she 0:12:30.367 --> 0:12:34.327 is me. But they kind of gave Rory the scissors 0:12:34.367 --> 0:12:36.087 and he clearly was trying to make it a moment 0:12:36.407 --> 0:12:39.687 and they're like, this is an emergency. Either cut it 0:12:39.767 --> 0:12:42.407 or don't fucking cut it. And he was like, boom 0:12:42.487 --> 0:12:47.607 took her? Ah Madilda, always the drama, all right, Clare, 0:12:47.647 --> 0:12:51.527 quick true or false? Does this baby item exist poop? 0:12:52.047 --> 0:12:54.407 In case the smell isn't a strong enough clue than 0:12:54.447 --> 0:12:56.527 what it is is, it will remind you that there's 0:12:56.527 --> 0:12:58.087 a need for a nappy change with a sound and 0:12:58.127 --> 0:13:01.927 a blinking led light. Wait, how does it tell? I 0:13:01.927 --> 0:13:05.007 don't know, Claire, I'm not a fucking engineer. Okay, okay. 0:13:05.367 --> 0:13:08.647 I think there are natural pooper arms. I think the 0:13:08.687 --> 0:13:13.047 people arms your sense of smell and also your eyesight, 0:13:13.247 --> 0:13:18.127 and also the rolling avalanche, cascade waterfall of shit going 0:13:18.167 --> 0:13:21.087 down in between your baby's toes. I think that's an 0:13:21.127 --> 0:13:25.167 absolutely excellent pooper arm. There is such a thing as 0:13:25.207 --> 0:13:28.487 a poopol arm. Okay. That is when we've gone too 0:13:28.527 --> 0:13:36.967 far with the baby merch, then you've got a baby. 0:13:37.527 --> 0:13:40.287 It is weird that you've just had the most intense 0:13:40.367 --> 0:13:43.887 experience of your life. And then everyone leaves. So there's 0:13:43.887 --> 0:13:46.447 all this drama, drama, drama. There's a lot of people 0:13:46.447 --> 0:13:49.247 in the room, and then all of a sudden, it's 0:13:49.327 --> 0:13:53.367 you in bed with this weird weey cot next to 0:13:53.407 --> 0:13:55.447 you with a fish in it, with a fish in it, 0:13:55.847 --> 0:14:00.367 and it's a bit are you right, mate? Are you right? 0:14:01.207 --> 0:14:03.847 Are you with the right place? Are you right? There 0:14:03.887 --> 0:14:05.807 was a lot of drama, and now you appear to 0:14:05.847 --> 0:14:09.687 be sleeping soundly, whereas I am dealing with drama soundly. 0:14:09.727 --> 0:14:18.647 But also, can you shut the fuck up? What are those? Yeah? 0:14:18.727 --> 0:14:24.727 This mommy and daddy trying to sleep. You made a fuss, 0:14:24.967 --> 0:14:27.727 you took too long. Now everyone's trying to sleep. You 0:14:27.847 --> 0:14:30.447 know how you don't give them a bath for a while? Yeah, 0:14:30.487 --> 0:14:33.127 for like days, people come in and I had people 0:14:33.167 --> 0:14:34.527 come in and meet Lunar. I don't know, like an 0:14:34.527 --> 0:14:36.287 hour after she was born. I didn't know whether that 0:14:36.407 --> 0:14:39.407 was like koash or not. It just happened, and people like, oh, 0:14:39.487 --> 0:14:42.047 she's so sweet and like holding her own stuff and 0:14:42.087 --> 0:14:44.847 kissing her right, And I'm like, I don't care about 0:14:44.847 --> 0:14:47.127 you kissing her. That's fine, that's play. On, but she 0:14:47.167 --> 0:14:51.007 doesn't had a bath. No, she's covered in what I 0:14:51.047 --> 0:14:55.487 would have described as vagina juice broadly wet, not only 0:14:55.567 --> 0:15:03.687 vagina juice, organ juice. She's covered in my internal organs. Yeah. Yeah, 0:15:03.967 --> 0:15:08.087 and like they just wiped her down very briefly, very briefly. 0:15:08.127 --> 0:15:11.207 There was no as far as I know, pan sanitizer. 0:15:11.447 --> 0:15:14.527 Why doesn't she smell more? That's what I thought? Yeah, 0:15:14.567 --> 0:15:17.527 and she didn't. She smell quite lovely. Yeah, I remember, yeah, 0:15:17.567 --> 0:15:19.887 having Matilda on me, and look, I mean she did 0:15:19.927 --> 0:15:22.007 pooh on a way out, so there was that as 0:15:22.007 --> 0:15:26.007 a separate thing, a new baby. The fuck is pooh? 0:15:26.047 --> 0:15:28.167 I've never done it. I don't know what, but it 0:15:28.287 --> 0:15:30.847 sticks all of me. It's on me, and it's not 0:15:30.887 --> 0:15:34.847 being wiped up by the fluid around me. No, they 0:15:34.927 --> 0:15:38.527 don't pooh in the uterus, think about it. They do 0:15:38.567 --> 0:15:40.287 their first. If they poo in the womb, you have 0:15:40.327 --> 0:15:43.407 to emergency give birth. How do they pooh? I think 0:15:43.487 --> 0:15:46.527 the umbilical course, through the umbilical corse. Yeah, did you 0:15:46.567 --> 0:15:49.927 think that they were just randomly wii? Do they wei 0:15:49.967 --> 0:15:51.967 in their little side? I don't fucking know. I think 0:15:51.967 --> 0:15:53.807 they we in their sack. I think they're swimming in 0:15:53.847 --> 0:15:55.927 their wi. I think they're drinking their week okay, but 0:15:55.967 --> 0:15:58.727 if they're pooping in their sack, why do they poop? 0:15:59.207 --> 0:16:02.047 They only poop on their way out. Why because it's 0:16:02.087 --> 0:16:06.327 their body's way of being, Like I'm born. Okay, but 0:16:06.447 --> 0:16:09.927 it's a lot, and you're like, okay, you just have 0:16:10.007 --> 0:16:13.287 a sleep all bleed all over the hospital. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:16:13.287 --> 0:16:14.447 all over my sheets and stuff. 0:16:14.767 --> 0:16:16.567 What were some of the unusual ways you got your 0:16:16.567 --> 0:16:17.247 baby to sleep? 0:16:17.287 --> 0:16:21.127 At first? I played food Fighters Greatest Hits album. I 0:16:21.167 --> 0:16:23.927 saw them when I was pregnant. I thought it might help. 0:16:24.047 --> 0:16:26.247 During the first week. There were a few nights I 0:16:26.247 --> 0:16:28.527 had him in the prem at two am, doing laps 0:16:28.567 --> 0:16:31.407 around the house trying to get him to sleep. I 0:16:31.447 --> 0:16:34.727 remember Matilda just saying that so peacefully. She looked like 0:16:34.847 --> 0:16:38.327 a little angel, and I thought, the audacity, Yeah, you 0:16:38.327 --> 0:16:43.087 audacity to do that. I've got stitches. I've got stitches. 0:16:43.127 --> 0:16:47.647 I'm standing up and there is blah blah coming outba 0:16:47.687 --> 0:16:51.367 coming out, and you are so peaceful, You are so peaceful. 0:16:51.527 --> 0:16:54.127 I mean, there's so much that I'm going through, baby, 0:16:54.247 --> 0:16:58.327 so peaceful, like, Oh, don't worry, mom, I'm fine. Well 0:16:58.327 --> 0:17:01.767 you're not because you're gonna scream for You're gonna scream 0:17:01.767 --> 0:17:05.367 for milk soon, and you're gonna scream because you do 0:17:05.487 --> 0:17:08.247 not understand why you are in the world. No, you 0:17:08.327 --> 0:17:13.007 want to be back, And everything about how you interact 0:17:13.007 --> 0:17:15.407 with your newborn is about making them feel like they're 0:17:15.407 --> 0:17:19.047 still in the womb. Yes, swaddle them really tight and 0:17:19.567 --> 0:17:23.607 not too much light and white noise, everything to replicate it. Yeah, 0:17:23.647 --> 0:17:26.127 and I was sorry, what was the point in burning? Yeah, 0:17:26.167 --> 0:17:28.047 if you just want to be in the womb, I 0:17:28.087 --> 0:17:31.847 mean that's fine, get back in. It's wide open. It 0:17:32.327 --> 0:17:35.207 wide open. You could go back. Yeah, you actually could, 0:17:35.327 --> 0:17:37.567 and you would probably cry less. You would cry less. 0:17:37.847 --> 0:17:43.847 I think what humans should have is like a kangaroo situation. Yeah. Yeah, 0:17:44.047 --> 0:17:46.567 you birth, but then you've got a front pouch. Yeah, 0:17:46.607 --> 0:17:49.287 and baby just kind of stays in that pouch for 0:17:49.327 --> 0:17:54.167 another twelve weeks, Yeah, sucking up whatever from your skin. 0:17:54.407 --> 0:17:57.527 Maybe you have a breast on your stomach and they're 0:17:57.567 --> 0:18:01.727 just constantly Yeah at that, I go for it. And 0:18:01.807 --> 0:18:05.047 then by the time they emerge, they're actually they're a baby. 0:18:05.087 --> 0:18:07.207 Maybe they can walk, yeah, yeah, they're actually functional. They 0:18:07.207 --> 0:18:10.167 can certainly jump. I don't know if you had this experience, 0:18:10.367 --> 0:18:13.407 but I kept saying, Luna is the easy bit. What 0:18:13.607 --> 0:18:17.847 was hard was being in bed and like I hadn't 0:18:17.847 --> 0:18:20.847 slept in days and days. What was hard was the 0:18:20.967 --> 0:18:24.807 tea you muffin? Was that biscuit? Would you like breakfast? 0:18:24.847 --> 0:18:27.207 It's eight o'clock. Do I fucking look like I would 0:18:27.207 --> 0:18:30.367 like to breakfast? How about lunch? It's midday? How about 0:18:30.407 --> 0:18:34.287 afternoon tea? Afternoon tea is a meal for starters. And 0:18:34.287 --> 0:18:36.967 the problem with afternoon tea and morning tea and fucking 0:18:37.047 --> 0:18:41.047 six am t and dessert and stuff is that you 0:18:41.247 --> 0:18:43.487 then come and try and pick up things from my 0:18:43.607 --> 0:18:46.367 room that I never took. Yeah, so it's like I'm 0:18:46.407 --> 0:18:48.967 just collecting the tea you had. Well, I actually denied 0:18:49.327 --> 0:18:51.687 the tea because I've been trying to sleep. But you've 0:18:51.727 --> 0:18:56.447 been knocking on this door every fifteen minutes for four days. 0:18:56.847 --> 0:18:59.887 And it's bizarre because you're already on the schedule of 0:18:59.927 --> 0:19:03.527 a tiny dictator who's gonna wake you up every three hours, 0:19:03.767 --> 0:19:06.687 it doesn't matter day night. They don't know, they don't know. 0:19:07.007 --> 0:19:09.047 And then finally you're getting a few hours sleep in 0:19:09.047 --> 0:19:16.047 the morning to your coffee I'm going to vomit everywhere 0:19:16.327 --> 0:19:21.247 I found tea or coffee. Way more annoying than Luna, genuinely, 0:19:21.247 --> 0:19:23.127 way more annoying than Luna. And then I remember this. 0:19:23.647 --> 0:19:26.447 Luca took Luna just like up the ward for a 0:19:26.527 --> 0:19:28.247 little bit so that I could try and get some sleep, right, 0:19:28.327 --> 0:19:30.087 And he put a sign on the door. He said, 0:19:30.287 --> 0:19:34.567 let this bitch sleep. She is not making sense, okay, 0:19:34.567 --> 0:19:36.567 because I hadn't supped in days, and it's really hard 0:19:36.567 --> 0:19:38.287 because your adrenaline is really high, and I'm kind of 0:19:38.287 --> 0:19:41.407 just like drifting off, and I get knock knock, knocked, 0:19:41.447 --> 0:19:46.047 no no from the pediatrician. Where's your baby? Oh? I 0:19:46.087 --> 0:19:52.247 don't know. I walked away. I wanted to go baby, 0:19:52.287 --> 0:19:53.807 what baby? Oh my god, I don't know where I 0:19:53.847 --> 0:19:56.527 put it. Can you check unt of the bit? I 0:19:56.767 --> 0:19:58.527 think I put it in my bag. Do you think 0:19:58.567 --> 0:20:01.767 she has find my friends? Have you tried calling her? 0:20:04.887 --> 0:20:07.207 Does she have an evil air tag? You should attach 0:20:07.247 --> 0:20:10.007 that when she's born? Try her air tag. I don't 0:20:10.007 --> 0:20:17.487 know where she went. I knew this, where's your baby? 0:20:17.767 --> 0:20:21.527 But then you've got this weird defensiveness about them. So 0:20:22.127 --> 0:20:27.207 a midwife came in. Matilda wasn't feeding properly. She was like, 0:20:27.367 --> 0:20:30.487 I've got a sore head buckle, yeah, yeah, my head. Yeah, 0:20:30.527 --> 0:20:34.647 she's eating when you've got a headache exactly. So she 0:20:34.727 --> 0:20:37.647 wasn't feeding very well. And this midwife was like, she's 0:20:37.767 --> 0:20:42.087 very fussy. WHOA. Don't talk about my girl like that. 0:20:42.287 --> 0:20:45.847 You don't know her. And relatedly, I don't know her. Relatedly, 0:20:46.207 --> 0:20:49.007 he doesn't know her. None of us know her. There 0:20:49.087 --> 0:20:51.527 was a midwife who came in and she criticized Rory, 0:20:51.567 --> 0:20:53.807 she criticized me, she criticized Matilda, and she walked out, 0:20:54.207 --> 0:20:58.247 and I said, you don't come in and shit on 0:20:58.407 --> 0:21:03.567 my family, okay, because she is the drama in her 0:21:03.647 --> 0:21:08.007 little crib. Only I may I may say that. Feelings 0:21:08.007 --> 0:21:11.007 about that, I remember all also thinking looking at Luna 0:21:11.247 --> 0:21:13.767 and being like, oh my goodness, she's inherited my slack chin. 0:21:13.927 --> 0:21:15.727 Remember how I had a whole crass about that, and 0:21:15.767 --> 0:21:17.567 I messaged you and I said, I've always worried that 0:21:17.607 --> 0:21:20.367 I have a slack chin. I've quite an overbite, and 0:21:20.407 --> 0:21:22.567 I had a lot of dental work to correct it. 0:21:22.887 --> 0:21:24.767 But the thing about a baby is that they haven't 0:21:24.807 --> 0:21:29.567 had the dental work, so they come out the worst you. Yeah, no, 0:21:29.687 --> 0:21:32.807 they come out very raw. They come out raw genetically, 0:21:33.127 --> 0:21:35.447 and it's like whatever you think you've hidden from your 0:21:35.487 --> 0:21:40.687 husband or your partner or anyone in your life about 0:21:40.687 --> 0:21:46.287 your own physical appearance, through die, through waxing, through fake tan, 0:21:46.607 --> 0:21:48.887 that baby comes out and it's like, have I mentioned 0:21:48.887 --> 0:21:50.767 my mum has an opigment? And I'm like, okay, so 0:21:50.967 --> 0:21:53.447 I'm actually translacent. And there's a lot of things that 0:21:53.487 --> 0:21:55.287 they look at and it's like, oh, that's a funny 0:21:55.287 --> 0:21:57.647 face she's doing. And I'm like, I've been hiding that 0:21:57.727 --> 0:22:00.367 face that from me this whole time because she's got 0:22:00.847 --> 0:22:03.767 very slack chin. And I've said this since her hairline 0:22:03.807 --> 0:22:06.687 at the back it starts way too high. I'm like, yeah, 0:22:06.687 --> 0:22:09.127 I've never liked that hairline. And then I think it's 0:22:09.167 --> 0:22:11.527 just me being self deprecating, and then I look at 0:22:11.527 --> 0:22:14.447 her and I'm like, no, no, no, that's my genetics. 0:22:15.247 --> 0:22:17.767