Speaker 1: So much.
Speaker 2: You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast.
Speaker 1: Mama Mayer acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters
Speaker 1: that this podcast is recorded on. Hello, it is Clara
Speaker 1: and Jesse here, just popping into your ears to let
Speaker 1: you know about a brand new podcast that we've done.
Speaker 1: It is in the canceled ecosystem. I would say it
Speaker 1: is because it's about canceling our own baby lovingly, lovingly,
Speaker 1: not so much the baby, but the things around the baby,
Speaker 1: the earnestness of parenting as a thing we do. And
Speaker 1: then we talk about Mama's very patronizingly and I don't
Speaker 1: like the word bub Look, we have done a whole
Speaker 1: series of the baby Bubble about the fourth trimester, everything
Speaker 1: from how we're doing feeding wrong and how we're doing
Speaker 1: feeding wrong in unique ways. Yeah, there are new mistakes
Speaker 1: to be made, always how to tell people to get
Speaker 1: the fuck out of your house because the village can
Speaker 1: be a little bit annoying, and the like, how our
Speaker 1: partners we didn't notice how incompetent they were until now.
Speaker 1: Until now, So we do discuss that, we cover everything,
Speaker 1: but just a warning, this is not a parenting advice podcast.
Speaker 1: Do we do an advice column. Yeah, is it helpful exclusively? Not? So. Look,
Speaker 1: if you want to expert advice, literally, go to anyone,
Speaker 1: As we say, go to the woman at the bus stop.
Speaker 1: She's got something to say. We don't. So here is
Speaker 1: the first episode for you to have a listen to,
Speaker 1: and there's a link in the show notes to find
Speaker 1: out more. Have a listen, and we hope you enjoy. Hey,
Speaker 1: I was just thinking, you know how they say sleep
Speaker 1: in the baby sleep's best advice ever, because I hadn't
Speaker 1: thought of that when the baby was sleeping. I was,
Speaker 1: I don't know, running a marathon while my badge is
Speaker 1: falling out my buttole. But you know how they say
Speaker 1: sleep while the baby sleeps. Do you think that we
Speaker 1: should podcasts rather than baby podcasts? Or do you think
Speaker 1: that we should die emails while the baby does for
Speaker 1: theiry males, how about cooking while the baby cooks? And
Speaker 1: we should just have a bath and a glass of
Speaker 1: wine when a baby has a path and a glass
Speaker 1: of wine.
Speaker 2: Shit the baby bubble with Claaring Jesse Stevens. It's definitely
Speaker 2: not a parenting advice podcast.
Speaker 1: We are identical twins who had our babies five and
Speaker 1: a half months apart, making them half siblings. I'm Jesse Stevens.
Speaker 1: I'm an author, writer and podcaster. You might have heard
Speaker 1: me on Mom and Me are out Loud and Canceled.
Speaker 1: And I'm Claire Stephens. I'm a writer and podcaster. You
Speaker 1: might have heard me on but are you huppy and canceled?
Speaker 1: And something we've noticed about parenting it's a little earnest.
Speaker 1: Everyone takes a very serious look.
Speaker 2: I have three mothers groups with my three children. I
Speaker 2: want to talk about the perks of showering with your babies.
Speaker 2: I'm going to get this product of a perfect child
Speaker 2: turned out exactly as I want to be.
Speaker 1: Four principles of positive parenting. I always make the the
Speaker 1: cake for my kid's party. It's my number one tip
Speaker 1: for surviving newborn life. And I was like, oh, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it's my water. It's all advice, it's all
Speaker 1: you got this, mama, it's all how with bubb and
Speaker 1: the hardest job in the world. And my baby has
Speaker 1: bright purple poop with mucus in it, and it's like,
Speaker 1: did you go foraging? You went foraging in your foundin
Speaker 1: and you know stuff, It's fine, It's absolutely fine. And
Speaker 1: look is she's hilarious. It's funnier than I thought, and
Speaker 1: funny things have happened. Yeah, And I don't think we
Speaker 1: acknowledge enough the funny because we're very busy with the
Speaker 1: earnest glare pop quiz. Will it be helpful? Absolutely not.
Speaker 1: Do you have any tips about a baby with a
Speaker 1: chronic fighting condition? No, but I would love some because
Speaker 1: Matilda she doesn't stop farting. She doesn't And I'm always like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's done a pool and You're like, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: She's just constantly covered and you can see like a
Speaker 1: green cloud of fings. She's in a waft of fight.
Speaker 1: Today is all about the experience of meeting this alien
Speaker 1: you've been growing inside you for frankly too long. At
Speaker 1: any point that you give birth, it's been too long, far, far,
Speaker 1: far too long. Before you have a baby. You're told
Speaker 1: that the moment you meet the human who's been using
Speaker 1: your chicken nuggets to grow hair and your donuts to
Speaker 1: grow knees is going to be nothing short of magical,
Speaker 1: and for a lot of women it absolutely is. They go,
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, look at my beautiful, little, scrumptious darling potato.
Speaker 1: But There's one thing no one talks about enough, and
Speaker 1: it's this. When your baby is born, you've literally never
Speaker 1: met who the fuck are you? They're looking up at
Speaker 1: you with the eyes they grew from your hot chips,
Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't want to be rude, but
Speaker 1: where did you come from? It's a very what's your deal?
Speaker 1: You're very trying to work each other out, so you're
Speaker 1: looking at them being like, what are your interests? Yeah?
Speaker 1: What are your values? Yeah? What are you going to
Speaker 1: bring to this family? Yes? And also what do you
Speaker 1: think of me? Yeah? Am i it? Do you like Mama?
Speaker 1: Do you like me? And also who are you? Broadly like,
Speaker 1: It's fine, honestly, it's fine. Don't personally know who are
Speaker 1: no all, but it's like we're suddenly incredibly close for
Speaker 1: two people who have known each other all of three
Speaker 1: seconds in that you came out of my body and
Speaker 1: now you seem to be squirming actively towards my breast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah you know. Yeah, Jesse, can you give us your
Speaker 1: birth story in three sentences and then tell me what
Speaker 1: your vibe was of Luna? I was thinking of presenting
Speaker 1: it like a Google review, okay, because like Google reviews, four.
Speaker 1: Yeah high. Google review would recommend would say fab vibe
Speaker 1: pushing not as bad as I expected. Oh you're one
Speaker 1: of those, yes, but too long. So on my feedback form,
Speaker 1: I would just say sure to please. I vibed Luna
Speaker 1: from the beginning, and I think that was because of
Speaker 1: her sensibly sized head. Okay, the circumference was reasonable, absolutely reasonable,
Speaker 1: so it didn't hurt that much. I mean I also
Speaker 1: got an epidural. Like you know, Luna was very like
Speaker 1: puffy from all the flue she was. She was. It's
Speaker 1: very You look back and you go, that's not my baby.
Speaker 1: She was swapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because she looks
Speaker 1: completely different.
Speaker 2: What was your first reaction when your baby arrived appearance wise?
Speaker 1: H he's blue? How little and how cute he was,
Speaker 1: but also how slippery he was. Trying to pick him
Speaker 1: up and get him on my chest. Oh he's a
Speaker 1: bit ugly. Have you noticed, because they did it with
Speaker 1: both of our babies. When our babies were born, they
Speaker 1: made a remark about you have like daddy's nose. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Do you think that's because they're like, we don't want
Speaker 1: them to have a fight about this not being your baby?
Speaker 1: Oh maybe yeah, they don't like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do oppternity test. No, okay, great point, because the midwife,
Speaker 1: they do make a point of saying, oh, daddy's eyes,
Speaker 1: daddy's eyes. Yeah, So the dad doesn't go, what the heck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and charged out. Dad certainly doesn't see the resemblance. The
Speaker 1: dad's shocked at what they're saying. Because Purple and Bigley Claire,
Speaker 1: I want to hear your Google review please. Okay, I
Speaker 1: would say probably just in terms of birth, yeah, not
Speaker 1: in terms of baby love baby, Yeah, but birth two
Speaker 1: and a half stars. Maybe I would think less, Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: maybe less. I was trying to be nice. Okay. It
Speaker 1: was fuked in that it went for almost two full
Speaker 1: days and I birthed after having not slept four three nights. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like the same. Yeah, baby got stuck. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: she panicked and she came in what can only be
Speaker 1: described as a frenzy involving a she has a prolonged
Speaker 1: fear of vacuums. Yeah, she says it, and she's like
Speaker 1: gonna wakerom my haird Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to
Speaker 1: embrace some of the principles of like calm and hypno
Speaker 1: birth during my yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then
Speaker 1: I was like, I refuse to remain calm ye use yes,
Speaker 1: And it was very so much energy to remain calm. No,
Speaker 1: and it's like I'd rather cry and kind of just
Speaker 1: vaguely yell. And I remember saying to you, oh, I
Speaker 1: meant to be relaxing my muscles, and they say, relax
Speaker 1: your mouth because your mouth matches your yeah pelver, so
Speaker 1: you meant to like relax your tongue and all of that.
Speaker 1: But I was so tense, and I kept telling myself, oh,
Speaker 1: why don't you just relax? But yeah, why can't I relax?
Speaker 1: And in hindsight, it's because I was in an inordinate
Speaker 1: amount of yeah, And so I don't like the idea
Speaker 1: that I meant to relax when I can't. But Matilda's
Speaker 1: vibe was very who she is now, which is a drama.
Speaker 1: Which is the drama?
Speaker 2: Is it me?
Speaker 1: Am I the drama? I don't think I'm a drama? Yeah,
Speaker 1: And she's quite eccentric really, So she came out not crying,
Speaker 1: which was terrifying and also unexpected, which is part of
Speaker 1: who she is. And she wasn't breathing, so she had
Speaker 1: to be taken off me which was very scary. But
Speaker 1: the poor thing was very sore after her corn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then she did come on me and she had
Speaker 1: done a pooh okay, so all right, because I wanted
Speaker 1: to speak for a moment about the experience from the
Speaker 1: eyes of the baby. Oh wow, because they've come out,
Speaker 1: which can you imagine? Can you imagine? So dark? So goody?
Speaker 1: Who the fuck are you? Firstly? Yeah? Why is it
Speaker 1: so dry out here? Yeah? Get your hands off me?
Speaker 1: And can sh everyone shut up? Everyone stopped talking to me.
Speaker 1: That's very loud. There's a lot of fuss that I
Speaker 1: came from a place of zero fuss. I came from
Speaker 1: the before land, where it was dark. Maybe there was
Speaker 1: a white noise machine on. There wasn't all this fuss.
Speaker 1: I wasn't doing much except every now and then I'd
Speaker 1: play with a bit of cord. I would I'd play
Speaker 1: with a bit of cord because we did learn in
Speaker 1: fact that with the umbilical cord they can do a
Speaker 1: party trip where they grab the cord, squeeze it, limit
Speaker 1: their oxygen supply, have a faint wake back up, and
Speaker 1: that's kind of the way that you pass time in utero.
Speaker 1: A lot of fun it's a lot of fun and
Speaker 1: apparently the obs can see it. And Matilda sucked her
Speaker 1: thumb in uro, so that was also one of her tricks.
Speaker 1: She went, this is fun. And then when they come out,
Speaker 1: apparently you know how you hear so many facts that
Speaker 1: you lose sense of what made up. I think I've
Speaker 1: made up a lot. But something to do with the
Speaker 1: milk smells like something in the uterus, so that's why
Speaker 1: they kind of gravitate towards it. So it's cute that
Speaker 1: they're placed on you. How can you smell through wet?
Speaker 1: Great question. They're very a fish. They're very a fish
Speaker 1: like and because this is what I don't understand. So
Speaker 1: in utero, yeah, we were convinced that they had I
Speaker 1: told someone that was confidence. I was like, oh no, no, no,
Speaker 1: they have gills and they come out and they don't Yeah,
Speaker 1: the gills close up. Yeah, But she didn't have girls,
Speaker 1: or if she did, I couldn't see that. No, And
Speaker 1: so I think Matilda was quite a fish. She was
Speaker 1: very a fish who had been in the water and
Speaker 1: then comes out and wriggles and wriggles and he's like,
Speaker 1: get me off this fishing line. And in this case,
Speaker 1: a fishing line was a vacum. Yeah, but she's like,
Speaker 1: I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And then they had
Speaker 1: to close her gills. They know they did have to
Speaker 1: close her Yeah, and just demonstrate breathing. Because what happened
Speaker 1: as well when your Matilda came out. If she came
Speaker 1: out and Rory was asked to cut the billin cook cord,
Speaker 1: and he was very this is a bit gross, This
Speaker 1: is a bit y, This is a bit yuck because
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's like funny color. Yeah, and they
Speaker 1: were like emergency cut. Now he couldn't decide whether he
Speaker 1: wanted to cut the cord, yeah, because he's very square
Speaker 1: and so he would it be to consider what you
Speaker 1: want in this moment. But he also be grossed out
Speaker 1: by anything. Yeah, it's like you want to be grossed out.
Speaker 1: I don't know where my butt hole begins an end,
Speaker 1: my vagina begins and ends, and I am covered in
Speaker 1: what can broadly be described as labor us labor, labor.
Speaker 1: It looks and smells like labor. My sense of being
Speaker 1: grossed out. She has pood, Probably I have pood. There
Speaker 1: is a mixture of poop and I feel no shame,
Speaker 1: just exhausted. Her poop is my poop. I'm her, she
Speaker 1: is me. But they kind of gave Rory the scissors
Speaker 1: and he clearly was trying to make it a moment
Speaker 1: and they're like, this is an emergency. Either cut it
Speaker 1: or don't fucking cut it. And he was like, boom
Speaker 1: took her? Ah Madilda, always the drama, all right, Clare,
Speaker 1: quick true or false? Does this baby item exist poop?
Speaker 1: In case the smell isn't a strong enough clue than
Speaker 1: what it is is, it will remind you that there's
Speaker 1: a need for a nappy change with a sound and
Speaker 1: a blinking led light. Wait, how does it tell? I
Speaker 1: don't know, Claire, I'm not a fucking engineer. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1: I think there are natural pooper arms. I think the
Speaker 1: people arms your sense of smell and also your eyesight,
Speaker 1: and also the rolling avalanche, cascade waterfall of shit going
Speaker 1: down in between your baby's toes. I think that's an
Speaker 1: absolutely excellent pooper arm. There is such a thing as
Speaker 1: a poopol arm. Okay. That is when we've gone too
Speaker 1: far with the baby merch, then you've got a baby.
Speaker 1: It is weird that you've just had the most intense
Speaker 1: experience of your life. And then everyone leaves. So there's
Speaker 1: all this drama, drama, drama. There's a lot of people
Speaker 1: in the room, and then all of a sudden, it's
Speaker 1: you in bed with this weird weey cot next to
Speaker 1: you with a fish in it, with a fish in it,
Speaker 1: and it's a bit are you right, mate? Are you right?
Speaker 1: Are you with the right place? Are you right? There
Speaker 1: was a lot of drama, and now you appear to
Speaker 1: be sleeping soundly, whereas I am dealing with drama soundly.
Speaker 1: But also, can you shut the fuck up? What are those? Yeah?
Speaker 1: This mommy and daddy trying to sleep. You made a fuss,
Speaker 1: you took too long. Now everyone's trying to sleep. You
Speaker 1: know how you don't give them a bath for a while? Yeah,
Speaker 1: for like days, people come in and I had people
Speaker 1: come in and meet Lunar. I don't know, like an
Speaker 1: hour after she was born. I didn't know whether that
Speaker 1: was like koash or not. It just happened, and people like, oh,
Speaker 1: she's so sweet and like holding her own stuff and
Speaker 1: kissing her right, And I'm like, I don't care about
Speaker 1: you kissing her. That's fine, that's play. On, but she
Speaker 1: doesn't had a bath. No, she's covered in what I
Speaker 1: would have described as vagina juice broadly wet, not only
Speaker 1: vagina juice, organ juice. She's covered in my internal organs. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and like they just wiped her down very briefly, very briefly.
Speaker 1: There was no as far as I know, pan sanitizer.
Speaker 1: Why doesn't she smell more? That's what I thought? Yeah,
Speaker 1: and she didn't. She smell quite lovely. Yeah, I remember, yeah,
Speaker 1: having Matilda on me, and look, I mean she did
Speaker 1: pooh on a way out, so there was that as
Speaker 1: a separate thing, a new baby. The fuck is pooh?
Speaker 1: I've never done it. I don't know what, but it
Speaker 1: sticks all of me. It's on me, and it's not
Speaker 1: being wiped up by the fluid around me. No, they
Speaker 1: don't pooh in the uterus, think about it. They do
Speaker 1: their first. If they poo in the womb, you have
Speaker 1: to emergency give birth. How do they pooh? I think
Speaker 1: the umbilical course, through the umbilical corse. Yeah, did you
Speaker 1: think that they were just randomly wii? Do they wei
Speaker 1: in their little side? I don't fucking know. I think
Speaker 1: they we in their sack. I think they're swimming in
Speaker 1: their wi. I think they're drinking their week okay, but
Speaker 1: if they're pooping in their sack, why do they poop?
Speaker 1: They only poop on their way out. Why because it's
Speaker 1: their body's way of being, Like I'm born. Okay, but
Speaker 1: it's a lot, and you're like, okay, you just have
Speaker 1: a sleep all bleed all over the hospital. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: all over my sheets and stuff.
Speaker 2: What were some of the unusual ways you got your
Speaker 2: baby to sleep?
Speaker 1: At first? I played food Fighters Greatest Hits album. I
Speaker 1: saw them when I was pregnant. I thought it might help.
Speaker 1: During the first week. There were a few nights I
Speaker 1: had him in the prem at two am, doing laps
Speaker 1: around the house trying to get him to sleep. I
Speaker 1: remember Matilda just saying that so peacefully. She looked like
Speaker 1: a little angel, and I thought, the audacity, Yeah, you
Speaker 1: audacity to do that. I've got stitches. I've got stitches.
Speaker 1: I'm standing up and there is blah blah coming outba
Speaker 1: coming out, and you are so peaceful, You are so peaceful.
Speaker 1: I mean, there's so much that I'm going through, baby,
Speaker 1: so peaceful, like, Oh, don't worry, mom, I'm fine. Well
Speaker 1: you're not because you're gonna scream for You're gonna scream
Speaker 1: for milk soon, and you're gonna scream because you do
Speaker 1: not understand why you are in the world. No, you
Speaker 1: want to be back, And everything about how you interact
Speaker 1: with your newborn is about making them feel like they're
Speaker 1: still in the womb. Yes, swaddle them really tight and
Speaker 1: not too much light and white noise, everything to replicate it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I was sorry, what was the point in burning? Yeah,
Speaker 1: if you just want to be in the womb, I
Speaker 1: mean that's fine, get back in. It's wide open. It
Speaker 1: wide open. You could go back. Yeah, you actually could,
Speaker 1: and you would probably cry less. You would cry less.
Speaker 1: I think what humans should have is like a kangaroo situation. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you birth, but then you've got a front pouch. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and baby just kind of stays in that pouch for
Speaker 1: another twelve weeks, Yeah, sucking up whatever from your skin.
Speaker 1: Maybe you have a breast on your stomach and they're
Speaker 1: just constantly Yeah at that, I go for it. And
Speaker 1: then by the time they emerge, they're actually they're a baby.
Speaker 1: Maybe they can walk, yeah, yeah, they're actually functional. They
Speaker 1: can certainly jump. I don't know if you had this experience,
Speaker 1: but I kept saying, Luna is the easy bit. What
Speaker 1: was hard was being in bed and like I hadn't
Speaker 1: slept in days and days. What was hard was the
Speaker 1: tea you muffin? Was that biscuit? Would you like breakfast?
Speaker 1: It's eight o'clock. Do I fucking look like I would
Speaker 1: like to breakfast? How about lunch? It's midday? How about
Speaker 1: afternoon tea? Afternoon tea is a meal for starters. And
Speaker 1: the problem with afternoon tea and morning tea and fucking
Speaker 1: six am t and dessert and stuff is that you
Speaker 1: then come and try and pick up things from my
Speaker 1: room that I never took. Yeah, so it's like I'm
Speaker 1: just collecting the tea you had. Well, I actually denied
Speaker 1: the tea because I've been trying to sleep. But you've
Speaker 1: been knocking on this door every fifteen minutes for four days.
Speaker 1: And it's bizarre because you're already on the schedule of
Speaker 1: a tiny dictator who's gonna wake you up every three hours,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter day night. They don't know, they don't know.
Speaker 1: And then finally you're getting a few hours sleep in
Speaker 1: the morning to your coffee I'm going to vomit everywhere
Speaker 1: I found tea or coffee. Way more annoying than Luna, genuinely,
Speaker 1: way more annoying than Luna. And then I remember this.
Speaker 1: Luca took Luna just like up the ward for a
Speaker 1: little bit so that I could try and get some sleep, right,
Speaker 1: And he put a sign on the door. He said,
Speaker 1: let this bitch sleep. She is not making sense, okay,
Speaker 1: because I hadn't supped in days, and it's really hard
Speaker 1: because your adrenaline is really high, and I'm kind of
Speaker 1: just like drifting off, and I get knock knock, knocked,
Speaker 1: no no from the pediatrician. Where's your baby? Oh? I
Speaker 1: don't know. I walked away. I wanted to go baby,
Speaker 1: what baby? Oh my god, I don't know where I
Speaker 1: put it. Can you check unt of the bit? I
Speaker 1: think I put it in my bag. Do you think
Speaker 1: she has find my friends? Have you tried calling her?
Speaker 1: Does she have an evil air tag? You should attach
Speaker 1: that when she's born? Try her air tag. I don't
Speaker 1: know where she went. I knew this, where's your baby?
Speaker 1: But then you've got this weird defensiveness about them. So
Speaker 1: a midwife came in. Matilda wasn't feeding properly. She was like,
Speaker 1: I've got a sore head buckle, yeah, yeah, my head. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she's eating when you've got a headache exactly. So she
Speaker 1: wasn't feeding very well. And this midwife was like, she's
Speaker 1: very fussy. WHOA. Don't talk about my girl like that.
Speaker 1: You don't know her. And relatedly, I don't know her. Relatedly,
Speaker 1: he doesn't know her. None of us know her. There
Speaker 1: was a midwife who came in and she criticized Rory,
Speaker 1: she criticized me, she criticized Matilda, and she walked out,
Speaker 1: and I said, you don't come in and shit on
Speaker 1: my family, okay, because she is the drama in her
Speaker 1: little crib. Only I may I may say that. Feelings
Speaker 1: about that, I remember all also thinking looking at Luna
Speaker 1: and being like, oh my goodness, she's inherited my slack chin.
Speaker 1: Remember how I had a whole crass about that, and
Speaker 1: I messaged you and I said, I've always worried that
Speaker 1: I have a slack chin. I've quite an overbite, and
Speaker 1: I had a lot of dental work to correct it.
Speaker 1: But the thing about a baby is that they haven't
Speaker 1: had the dental work, so they come out the worst you. Yeah, no,
Speaker 1: they come out very raw. They come out raw genetically,
Speaker 1: and it's like whatever you think you've hidden from your
Speaker 1: husband or your partner or anyone in your life about
Speaker 1: your own physical appearance, through die, through waxing, through fake tan,
Speaker 1: that baby comes out and it's like, have I mentioned
Speaker 1: my mum has an opigment? And I'm like, okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm actually translacent. And there's a lot of things that
Speaker 1: they look at and it's like, oh, that's a funny
Speaker 1: face she's doing. And I'm like, I've been hiding that
Speaker 1: face that from me this whole time because she's got
Speaker 1: very slack chin. And I've said this since her hairline
Speaker 1: at the back it starts way too high. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never liked that hairline. And then I think it's
Speaker 1: just me being self deprecating, and then I look at
Speaker 1: her and I'm like, no, no, no, that's my genetics.
Speaker 1: Crap crap, crap crap.
Speaker 2: Advice.
Speaker 1: At the end of every show, we give advice on
Speaker 1: your baby related dilemmas because between us we have absolutely
Speaker 1: not one ioda of expertise, only vibes. Here's the dilemma
Speaker 1: for today that a listener wrote in for us and Jesse,
Speaker 1: we're going to give some really great advice. I love
Speaker 1: giving advice. I have a ten week old baby boy
Speaker 1: who is an absolute dream. During the day, he feeds
Speaker 1: and sleeps and smiles, and everyone I see tells me
Speaker 1: how lucky I am to have such a calm and
Speaker 1: happy baby. But then it gets to night time. He
Speaker 1: wakes up every two hours at least and takes a
Speaker 1: really long time to get settled. There are other babies
Speaker 1: in my mother's group who are already sleeping through the night.
Speaker 1: Is there a trick to turning a baby into a
Speaker 1: good sleeper? Should I be worried that he doesn't seem
Speaker 1: to even when it's nighttime? Jesse, do you have any advice? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've got heaps. Okay, a few things. Firstly, I know
Speaker 1: this is obvious, but communication, so family counseling, seeing a therapist,
Speaker 1: chatting it out, because it doesn't sound like you've even
Speaker 1: tried with the communication. You're just plaining to us. Have
Speaker 1: you told him you want him to say exactly? I
Speaker 1: don't feel like you've told him the expectations, So you've
Speaker 1: got to set up your expectations. You've got to say
Speaker 1: seven o'clock bedtime. You've got to say ath after Yeah,
Speaker 1: come on now seven till seven please? Absolutely, I thought
Speaker 1: you want to hang out? Oh sorry, sorry, can three
Speaker 1: am hang out? Five am hangout? No, doesn't want to
Speaker 1: hang out. The next one is he's had ten weeks
Speaker 1: to get it together for a long time. It's a
Speaker 1: long time, and I'm thinking about jetlag because he clearly
Speaker 1: has a big jet lag and jet lag doesn't take
Speaker 1: ten weeks for me two days. So he's over the
Speaker 1: jet lag period. He's taking the piers, he's taking the piss.
Speaker 1: And that's where I come up with a solution. Okay.
Speaker 1: I did actually perform a little bit of research for this,
Speaker 1: because usually I would just into it. Yeah, but I
Speaker 1: was like, this is very serious. That's what all advice
Speaker 1: is based on, is VI. But I did actually do
Speaker 1: some googling. I looked up what is the exact opposite
Speaker 1: time zone of Australia, because I think moving there would work.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so smart. So I don't know
Speaker 1: why we're trying to change our baby. Yeah, just the
Speaker 1: baby's on the right pattern for Alaska, yes, for and
Speaker 1: I found it American Samoa. Oh, beautiful. It's a different
Speaker 1: place to Samoa. Allegedly it's called American Samoa. I didn't confirm.
Speaker 1: I never actually clicked to fully understand. But I don't
Speaker 1: know why more people don't just move to the time
Speaker 1: zone that would fit the baby suit the baby, Yes,
Speaker 1: because baby's set. Baby's like a computer. Yes. It's like
Speaker 1: when you get like a watch or a computer or
Speaker 1: whatever that's like still two pm. Yeah, you're like, oh,
Speaker 1: it's not it's one am, and it's like, yeah, well
Speaker 1: your computer's set too Alaska. Your computer is set to Norway.
Speaker 1: And yeah. One thing is to change the computer. The
Speaker 1: other thing is to move to the place where it's
Speaker 1: set to so that the computer makes sense. And that's
Speaker 1: why I think with little Arthur, you need Arthur to
Speaker 1: make sense, you need Arthur to thrite. It's currently trying
Speaker 1: to fit a square peg that's Arthur into a round hole,
Speaker 1: which is Australian time zone. So if you go to
Speaker 1: the other time zone, I would imagine that what will
Speaker 1: happen with Arthur is that he does sleep all the
Speaker 1: way through the night and he's a dream and then
Speaker 1: he's like up through the day, which is great. And
Speaker 1: are you in another country and you've got no support,
Speaker 1: you've lost your job. Yes, do you have accommodation? No?
Speaker 1: Is your baby sleeping? Probably not? Probably? Maybe he'll change. Yeah, boom,
Speaker 1: Well I've got some advice. Okay. I'd also say he's trolling.
Speaker 1: He knows what he's doing. Yeah. Everybody acts like, oh babies, Oh,
Speaker 1: they don't know is crying for No, he knows. He goes, hey, mom,
Speaker 1: you sleep. Wow. It's manipulative. Wow. Yeah, form of torture.
Speaker 1: He says, hey, mom, let's hang out because I know
Speaker 1: you've got nowhere to be. Oh shit, you've got no
Speaker 1: there's no one around. And then he does He says,
Speaker 1: during the day, when there are people around, I will
Speaker 1: act like an angel so that you feel crazy. He's
Speaker 1: gas lighting her. Oh my god, he's gaslighting her, which
Speaker 1: is a form of abuse. You should call the police.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I've got it. Police. Go to court,
Speaker 1: Judge Judy. I don't want to look at you anymore.
Speaker 1: Go to Judge Judy and say I am being gas
Speaker 1: lit by baby. And the baby is fast asleep in
Speaker 1: their little being an angel, and then wakes up and
Speaker 1: smiles and then does a little bird and everyone giggles.
Speaker 1: And it's like, this is actually, this is what I mean.
Speaker 1: And then they show footage from the middle of the
Speaker 1: night and it's like black and white and grainy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: wow yea head spinning three six years yeah, and Bailiff
Speaker 1: is like that's fucked yes so true yeah, and would
Speaker 1: come up with the sentence yeah yeah, which I think
Speaker 1: American Samoa. Yeah, you must move to the other side
Speaker 1: of the world where your baby will troll you somewhat less.
Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed this episode of Baby Bubble, which
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