1 00:00:10,007 --> 00:00:10,327 Speaker 1: So much. 2 00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:13,047 Speaker 2: You're listening to a MoMA mea podcast. 3 00:00:13,727 --> 00:00:16,767 Speaker 1: Mama Mayer acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 4 00:00:16,807 --> 00:00:20,287 Speaker 1: that this podcast is recorded on. Hello, it is Clara 5 00:00:20,287 --> 00:00:23,407 Speaker 1: and Jesse here, just popping into your ears to let 6 00:00:23,447 --> 00:00:26,527 Speaker 1: you know about a brand new podcast that we've done. 7 00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:29,967 Speaker 1: It is in the canceled ecosystem. I would say it 8 00:00:30,007 --> 00:00:36,327 Speaker 1: is because it's about canceling our own baby lovingly, lovingly, 9 00:00:36,607 --> 00:00:39,527 Speaker 1: not so much the baby, but the things around the baby, 10 00:00:39,567 --> 00:00:44,207 Speaker 1: the earnestness of parenting as a thing we do. And 11 00:00:44,247 --> 00:00:48,447 Speaker 1: then we talk about Mama's very patronizingly and I don't 12 00:00:48,607 --> 00:00:51,727 Speaker 1: like the word bub Look, we have done a whole 13 00:00:51,807 --> 00:00:55,207 Speaker 1: series of the baby Bubble about the fourth trimester, everything 14 00:00:55,407 --> 00:00:57,847 Speaker 1: from how we're doing feeding wrong and how we're doing 15 00:00:57,847 --> 00:01:01,207 Speaker 1: feeding wrong in unique ways. Yeah, there are new mistakes 16 00:01:01,207 --> 00:01:03,367 Speaker 1: to be made, always how to tell people to get 17 00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:06,167 Speaker 1: the fuck out of your house because the village can 18 00:01:06,247 --> 00:01:10,367 Speaker 1: be a little bit annoying, and the like, how our 19 00:01:10,447 --> 00:01:14,367 Speaker 1: partners we didn't notice how incompetent they were until now. 20 00:01:14,487 --> 00:01:17,647 Speaker 1: Until now, So we do discuss that, we cover everything, 21 00:01:18,127 --> 00:01:21,527 Speaker 1: but just a warning, this is not a parenting advice podcast. 22 00:01:21,847 --> 00:01:26,047 Speaker 1: Do we do an advice column. Yeah, is it helpful exclusively? Not? So. Look, 23 00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:28,407 Speaker 1: if you want to expert advice, literally, go to anyone, 24 00:01:28,447 --> 00:01:30,367 Speaker 1: As we say, go to the woman at the bus stop. 25 00:01:30,407 --> 00:01:32,607 Speaker 1: She's got something to say. We don't. So here is 26 00:01:32,607 --> 00:01:34,487 Speaker 1: the first episode for you to have a listen to, 27 00:01:34,847 --> 00:01:37,487 Speaker 1: and there's a link in the show notes to find 28 00:01:37,487 --> 00:01:40,887 Speaker 1: out more. Have a listen, and we hope you enjoy. Hey, 29 00:01:40,927 --> 00:01:43,887 Speaker 1: I was just thinking, you know how they say sleep 30 00:01:43,887 --> 00:01:46,647 Speaker 1: in the baby sleep's best advice ever, because I hadn't 31 00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:48,767 Speaker 1: thought of that when the baby was sleeping. I was, 32 00:01:49,567 --> 00:01:52,807 Speaker 1: I don't know, running a marathon while my badge is 33 00:01:53,167 --> 00:01:54,887 Speaker 1: falling out my buttole. But you know how they say 34 00:01:54,927 --> 00:01:56,727 Speaker 1: sleep while the baby sleeps. Do you think that we 35 00:01:56,767 --> 00:02:01,047 Speaker 1: should podcasts rather than baby podcasts? Or do you think 36 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:05,287 Speaker 1: that we should die emails while the baby does for 37 00:02:05,327 --> 00:02:10,407 Speaker 1: theiry males, how about cooking while the baby cooks? And 38 00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:12,407 Speaker 1: we should just have a bath and a glass of 39 00:02:12,407 --> 00:02:14,207 Speaker 1: wine when a baby has a path and a glass 40 00:02:14,247 --> 00:02:14,727 Speaker 1: of wine. 41 00:02:15,767 --> 00:02:29,687 Speaker 2: Shit the baby bubble with Claaring Jesse Stevens. It's definitely 42 00:02:29,727 --> 00:02:31,407 Speaker 2: not a parenting advice podcast. 43 00:02:32,087 --> 00:02:34,407 Speaker 1: We are identical twins who had our babies five and 44 00:02:34,407 --> 00:02:38,367 Speaker 1: a half months apart, making them half siblings. I'm Jesse Stevens. 45 00:02:38,367 --> 00:02:40,567 Speaker 1: I'm an author, writer and podcaster. You might have heard 46 00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,327 Speaker 1: me on Mom and Me are out Loud and Canceled. 47 00:02:42,367 --> 00:02:45,727 Speaker 1: And I'm Claire Stephens. I'm a writer and podcaster. You 48 00:02:45,807 --> 00:02:48,207 Speaker 1: might have heard me on but are you huppy and canceled? 49 00:02:48,247 --> 00:02:51,647 Speaker 1: And something we've noticed about parenting it's a little earnest. 50 00:02:52,167 --> 00:02:54,047 Speaker 1: Everyone takes a very serious look. 51 00:02:55,407 --> 00:02:58,207 Speaker 2: I have three mothers groups with my three children. I 52 00:02:58,247 --> 00:03:00,847 Speaker 2: want to talk about the perks of showering with your babies. 53 00:03:00,887 --> 00:03:02,887 Speaker 2: I'm going to get this product of a perfect child 54 00:03:02,927 --> 00:03:04,487 Speaker 2: turned out exactly as I want to be. 55 00:03:04,647 --> 00:03:09,407 Speaker 1: Four principles of positive parenting. I always make the the 56 00:03:09,447 --> 00:03:11,367 Speaker 1: cake for my kid's party. It's my number one tip 57 00:03:11,407 --> 00:03:14,367 Speaker 1: for surviving newborn life. And I was like, oh, oh 58 00:03:14,447 --> 00:03:19,007 Speaker 1: my god, it's my water. It's all advice, it's all 59 00:03:19,047 --> 00:03:22,287 Speaker 1: you got this, mama, it's all how with bubb and 60 00:03:22,327 --> 00:03:24,487 Speaker 1: the hardest job in the world. And my baby has 61 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:27,527 Speaker 1: bright purple poop with mucus in it, and it's like, 62 00:03:27,647 --> 00:03:30,127 Speaker 1: did you go foraging? You went foraging in your foundin 63 00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:33,327 Speaker 1: and you know stuff, It's fine, It's absolutely fine. And 64 00:03:33,367 --> 00:03:36,847 Speaker 1: look is she's hilarious. It's funnier than I thought, and 65 00:03:37,207 --> 00:03:39,287 Speaker 1: funny things have happened. Yeah, And I don't think we 66 00:03:39,327 --> 00:03:42,727 Speaker 1: acknowledge enough the funny because we're very busy with the 67 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:46,927 Speaker 1: earnest glare pop quiz. Will it be helpful? Absolutely not. 68 00:03:47,287 --> 00:03:49,807 Speaker 1: Do you have any tips about a baby with a 69 00:03:49,887 --> 00:03:53,167 Speaker 1: chronic fighting condition? No, but I would love some because 70 00:03:53,247 --> 00:03:56,567 Speaker 1: Matilda she doesn't stop farting. She doesn't And I'm always like, oh, 71 00:03:56,607 --> 00:03:58,287 Speaker 1: she's done a pool and You're like, no, no, no, 72 00:03:58,367 --> 00:04:00,967 Speaker 1: She's just constantly covered and you can see like a 73 00:04:01,007 --> 00:04:03,567 Speaker 1: green cloud of fings. She's in a waft of fight. 74 00:04:04,807 --> 00:04:08,967 Speaker 1: Today is all about the experience of meeting this alien 75 00:04:09,287 --> 00:04:12,047 Speaker 1: you've been growing inside you for frankly too long. At 76 00:04:12,087 --> 00:04:15,127 Speaker 1: any point that you give birth, it's been too long, far, far, 77 00:04:15,207 --> 00:04:18,367 Speaker 1: far too long. Before you have a baby. You're told 78 00:04:18,367 --> 00:04:21,087 Speaker 1: that the moment you meet the human who's been using 79 00:04:21,127 --> 00:04:23,807 Speaker 1: your chicken nuggets to grow hair and your donuts to 80 00:04:23,847 --> 00:04:26,727 Speaker 1: grow knees is going to be nothing short of magical, 81 00:04:27,087 --> 00:04:29,687 Speaker 1: and for a lot of women it absolutely is. They go, 82 00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:35,167 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, look at my beautiful, little, scrumptious darling potato. 83 00:04:35,527 --> 00:04:39,047 Speaker 1: But There's one thing no one talks about enough, and 84 00:04:39,087 --> 00:04:42,807 Speaker 1: it's this. When your baby is born, you've literally never 85 00:04:42,887 --> 00:04:45,247 Speaker 1: met who the fuck are you? They're looking up at 86 00:04:45,287 --> 00:04:48,047 Speaker 1: you with the eyes they grew from your hot chips, 87 00:04:48,527 --> 00:04:50,847 Speaker 1: and you're like, I don't want to be rude, but 88 00:04:50,927 --> 00:04:53,727 Speaker 1: where did you come from? It's a very what's your deal? 89 00:04:53,887 --> 00:04:56,287 Speaker 1: You're very trying to work each other out, so you're 90 00:04:56,327 --> 00:04:59,887 Speaker 1: looking at them being like, what are your interests? Yeah? 91 00:05:00,247 --> 00:05:02,687 Speaker 1: What are your values? Yeah? What are you going to 92 00:05:02,727 --> 00:05:05,967 Speaker 1: bring to this family? Yes? And also what do you 93 00:05:05,967 --> 00:05:10,247 Speaker 1: think of me? Yeah? Am i it? Do you like Mama? 94 00:05:10,727 --> 00:05:14,487 Speaker 1: Do you like me? And also who are you? Broadly like, 95 00:05:14,527 --> 00:05:18,367 Speaker 1: It's fine, honestly, it's fine. Don't personally know who are 96 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:21,687 Speaker 1: no all, but it's like we're suddenly incredibly close for 97 00:05:21,807 --> 00:05:24,327 Speaker 1: two people who have known each other all of three 98 00:05:24,367 --> 00:05:26,727 Speaker 1: seconds in that you came out of my body and 99 00:05:26,767 --> 00:05:30,447 Speaker 1: now you seem to be squirming actively towards my breast. Yeah, 100 00:05:30,567 --> 00:05:33,607 Speaker 1: yeah you know. Yeah, Jesse, can you give us your 101 00:05:33,647 --> 00:05:36,607 Speaker 1: birth story in three sentences and then tell me what 102 00:05:36,647 --> 00:05:40,087 Speaker 1: your vibe was of Luna? I was thinking of presenting 103 00:05:40,087 --> 00:05:45,167 Speaker 1: it like a Google review, okay, because like Google reviews, four. 104 00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:52,407 Speaker 1: Yeah high. Google review would recommend would say fab vibe 105 00:05:52,647 --> 00:05:54,847 Speaker 1: pushing not as bad as I expected. Oh you're one 106 00:05:54,927 --> 00:05:58,447 Speaker 1: of those, yes, but too long. So on my feedback form, 107 00:05:58,447 --> 00:06:01,567 Speaker 1: I would just say sure to please. I vibed Luna 108 00:06:01,607 --> 00:06:03,207 Speaker 1: from the beginning, and I think that was because of 109 00:06:03,207 --> 00:06:08,927 Speaker 1: her sensibly sized head. Okay, the circumference was reasonable, absolutely reasonable, 110 00:06:08,967 --> 00:06:10,807 Speaker 1: so it didn't hurt that much. I mean I also 111 00:06:10,847 --> 00:06:14,127 Speaker 1: got an epidural. Like you know, Luna was very like 112 00:06:14,887 --> 00:06:17,687 Speaker 1: puffy from all the flue she was. She was. It's 113 00:06:17,887 --> 00:06:19,647 Speaker 1: very You look back and you go, that's not my baby. 114 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,607 Speaker 1: She was swapped. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, because she looks 115 00:06:22,647 --> 00:06:23,367 Speaker 1: completely different. 116 00:06:23,567 --> 00:06:26,687 Speaker 2: What was your first reaction when your baby arrived appearance wise? 117 00:06:27,127 --> 00:06:30,967 Speaker 1: H he's blue? How little and how cute he was, 118 00:06:31,127 --> 00:06:33,607 Speaker 1: but also how slippery he was. Trying to pick him 119 00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:36,407 Speaker 1: up and get him on my chest. Oh he's a 120 00:06:36,447 --> 00:06:40,767 Speaker 1: bit ugly. Have you noticed, because they did it with 121 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,927 Speaker 1: both of our babies. When our babies were born, they 122 00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:46,447 Speaker 1: made a remark about you have like daddy's nose. Yeah. 123 00:06:46,447 --> 00:06:49,207 Speaker 1: Do you think that's because they're like, we don't want 124 00:06:49,207 --> 00:06:51,407 Speaker 1: them to have a fight about this not being your baby? 125 00:06:51,767 --> 00:06:55,367 Speaker 1: Oh maybe yeah, they don't like, I don't want to 126 00:06:55,367 --> 00:06:58,607 Speaker 1: do oppternity test. No, okay, great point, because the midwife, 127 00:06:58,647 --> 00:07:01,327 Speaker 1: they do make a point of saying, oh, daddy's eyes, 128 00:07:01,407 --> 00:07:05,807 Speaker 1: daddy's eyes. Yeah, So the dad doesn't go, what the heck? Yeah, 129 00:07:05,847 --> 00:07:09,367 Speaker 1: and charged out. Dad certainly doesn't see the resemblance. The 130 00:07:09,447 --> 00:07:13,367 Speaker 1: dad's shocked at what they're saying. Because Purple and Bigley Claire, 131 00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:17,927 Speaker 1: I want to hear your Google review please. Okay, I 132 00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:21,607 Speaker 1: would say probably just in terms of birth, yeah, not 133 00:07:21,647 --> 00:07:25,607 Speaker 1: in terms of baby love baby, Yeah, but birth two 134 00:07:25,607 --> 00:07:29,207 Speaker 1: and a half stars. Maybe I would think less, Yeah, no, 135 00:07:29,287 --> 00:07:31,287 Speaker 1: maybe less. I was trying to be nice. Okay. It 136 00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:34,247 Speaker 1: was fuked in that it went for almost two full 137 00:07:34,327 --> 00:07:39,167 Speaker 1: days and I birthed after having not slept four three nights. Yeah, 138 00:07:39,287 --> 00:07:42,047 Speaker 1: like the same. Yeah, baby got stuck. Yeah, and then 139 00:07:42,047 --> 00:07:45,927 Speaker 1: she panicked and she came in what can only be 140 00:07:45,967 --> 00:07:52,447 Speaker 1: described as a frenzy involving a she has a prolonged 141 00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:55,087 Speaker 1: fear of vacuums. Yeah, she says it, and she's like 142 00:07:55,127 --> 00:07:58,047 Speaker 1: gonna wakerom my haird Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I tried to 143 00:07:58,087 --> 00:08:01,007 Speaker 1: embrace some of the principles of like calm and hypno 144 00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:05,407 Speaker 1: birth during my yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, But then 145 00:08:05,487 --> 00:08:11,007 Speaker 1: I was like, I refuse to remain calm ye use yes, 146 00:08:11,287 --> 00:08:15,367 Speaker 1: And it was very so much energy to remain calm. No, 147 00:08:15,487 --> 00:08:17,407 Speaker 1: and it's like I'd rather cry and kind of just 148 00:08:17,607 --> 00:08:21,847 Speaker 1: vaguely yell. And I remember saying to you, oh, I 149 00:08:22,007 --> 00:08:24,847 Speaker 1: meant to be relaxing my muscles, and they say, relax 150 00:08:24,927 --> 00:08:29,327 Speaker 1: your mouth because your mouth matches your yeah pelver, so 151 00:08:29,367 --> 00:08:31,527 Speaker 1: you meant to like relax your tongue and all of that. 152 00:08:31,927 --> 00:08:36,767 Speaker 1: But I was so tense, and I kept telling myself, oh, 153 00:08:36,807 --> 00:08:39,327 Speaker 1: why don't you just relax? But yeah, why can't I relax? 154 00:08:39,367 --> 00:08:41,647 Speaker 1: And in hindsight, it's because I was in an inordinate 155 00:08:41,647 --> 00:08:44,327 Speaker 1: amount of yeah, And so I don't like the idea 156 00:08:44,487 --> 00:08:47,407 Speaker 1: that I meant to relax when I can't. But Matilda's 157 00:08:47,527 --> 00:08:51,607 Speaker 1: vibe was very who she is now, which is a drama. 158 00:08:51,647 --> 00:08:52,367 Speaker 1: Which is the drama? 159 00:08:52,487 --> 00:08:52,847 Speaker 2: Is it me? 160 00:08:53,287 --> 00:08:56,527 Speaker 1: Am I the drama? I don't think I'm a drama? Yeah, 161 00:08:56,567 --> 00:09:01,087 Speaker 1: And she's quite eccentric really, So she came out not crying, 162 00:09:01,127 --> 00:09:04,047 Speaker 1: which was terrifying and also unexpected, which is part of 163 00:09:04,087 --> 00:09:07,367 Speaker 1: who she is. And she wasn't breathing, so she had 164 00:09:07,407 --> 00:09:10,047 Speaker 1: to be taken off me which was very scary. But 165 00:09:10,047 --> 00:09:14,727 Speaker 1: the poor thing was very sore after her corn. Yeah, 166 00:09:14,847 --> 00:09:17,047 Speaker 1: but then she did come on me and she had 167 00:09:17,047 --> 00:09:20,287 Speaker 1: done a pooh okay, so all right, because I wanted 168 00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:23,207 Speaker 1: to speak for a moment about the experience from the 169 00:09:23,287 --> 00:09:26,047 Speaker 1: eyes of the baby. Oh wow, because they've come out, 170 00:09:26,487 --> 00:09:30,527 Speaker 1: which can you imagine? Can you imagine? So dark? So goody? 171 00:09:30,567 --> 00:09:33,887 Speaker 1: Who the fuck are you? Firstly? Yeah? Why is it 172 00:09:33,927 --> 00:09:38,127 Speaker 1: so dry out here? Yeah? Get your hands off me? 173 00:09:39,207 --> 00:09:44,647 Speaker 1: And can sh everyone shut up? Everyone stopped talking to me. 174 00:09:44,927 --> 00:09:48,127 Speaker 1: That's very loud. There's a lot of fuss that I 175 00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:51,207 Speaker 1: came from a place of zero fuss. I came from 176 00:09:51,407 --> 00:09:54,687 Speaker 1: the before land, where it was dark. Maybe there was 177 00:09:54,727 --> 00:09:57,887 Speaker 1: a white noise machine on. There wasn't all this fuss. 178 00:09:57,967 --> 00:10:00,767 Speaker 1: I wasn't doing much except every now and then I'd 179 00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,927 Speaker 1: play with a bit of cord. I would I'd play 180 00:10:02,927 --> 00:10:04,887 Speaker 1: with a bit of cord because we did learn in 181 00:10:04,967 --> 00:10:07,167 Speaker 1: fact that with the umbilical cord they can do a 182 00:10:07,167 --> 00:10:11,327 Speaker 1: party trip where they grab the cord, squeeze it, limit 183 00:10:11,367 --> 00:10:14,847 Speaker 1: their oxygen supply, have a faint wake back up, and 184 00:10:14,887 --> 00:10:18,167 Speaker 1: that's kind of the way that you pass time in utero. 185 00:10:18,367 --> 00:10:20,327 Speaker 1: A lot of fun it's a lot of fun and 186 00:10:20,367 --> 00:10:23,727 Speaker 1: apparently the obs can see it. And Matilda sucked her 187 00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:26,967 Speaker 1: thumb in uro, so that was also one of her tricks. 188 00:10:26,967 --> 00:10:29,567 Speaker 1: She went, this is fun. And then when they come out, 189 00:10:29,647 --> 00:10:33,047 Speaker 1: apparently you know how you hear so many facts that 190 00:10:33,087 --> 00:10:36,327 Speaker 1: you lose sense of what made up. I think I've 191 00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:39,007 Speaker 1: made up a lot. But something to do with the 192 00:10:39,047 --> 00:10:43,647 Speaker 1: milk smells like something in the uterus, so that's why 193 00:10:43,687 --> 00:10:47,087 Speaker 1: they kind of gravitate towards it. So it's cute that 194 00:10:47,087 --> 00:10:49,407 Speaker 1: they're placed on you. How can you smell through wet? 195 00:10:50,447 --> 00:10:54,447 Speaker 1: Great question. They're very a fish. They're very a fish 196 00:10:54,527 --> 00:10:59,087 Speaker 1: like and because this is what I don't understand. So 197 00:10:59,247 --> 00:11:03,127 Speaker 1: in utero, yeah, we were convinced that they had I 198 00:11:03,167 --> 00:11:05,927 Speaker 1: told someone that was confidence. I was like, oh no, no, no, 199 00:11:05,967 --> 00:11:07,767 Speaker 1: they have gills and they come out and they don't Yeah, 200 00:11:07,847 --> 00:11:10,527 Speaker 1: the gills close up. Yeah, But she didn't have girls, 201 00:11:10,727 --> 00:11:12,647 Speaker 1: or if she did, I couldn't see that. No, And 202 00:11:12,687 --> 00:11:15,047 Speaker 1: so I think Matilda was quite a fish. She was 203 00:11:15,247 --> 00:11:18,047 Speaker 1: very a fish who had been in the water and 204 00:11:18,087 --> 00:11:21,247 Speaker 1: then comes out and wriggles and wriggles and he's like, 205 00:11:21,647 --> 00:11:23,727 Speaker 1: get me off this fishing line. And in this case, 206 00:11:23,727 --> 00:11:26,167 Speaker 1: a fishing line was a vacum. Yeah, but she's like, 207 00:11:26,207 --> 00:11:28,167 Speaker 1: I can't breathe. I can't breathe. And then they had 208 00:11:28,207 --> 00:11:31,247 Speaker 1: to close her gills. They know they did have to 209 00:11:31,247 --> 00:11:34,847 Speaker 1: close her Yeah, and just demonstrate breathing. Because what happened 210 00:11:34,847 --> 00:11:36,687 Speaker 1: as well when your Matilda came out. If she came 211 00:11:36,687 --> 00:11:39,247 Speaker 1: out and Rory was asked to cut the billin cook cord, 212 00:11:39,887 --> 00:11:42,487 Speaker 1: and he was very this is a bit gross, This 213 00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:44,207 Speaker 1: is a bit y, This is a bit yuck because 214 00:11:44,207 --> 00:11:46,967 Speaker 1: I don't know, it's like funny color. Yeah, and they 215 00:11:46,967 --> 00:11:50,927 Speaker 1: were like emergency cut. Now he couldn't decide whether he 216 00:11:51,007 --> 00:11:53,767 Speaker 1: wanted to cut the cord, yeah, because he's very square 217 00:11:54,567 --> 00:11:57,087 Speaker 1: and so he would it be to consider what you 218 00:11:57,127 --> 00:12:00,887 Speaker 1: want in this moment. But he also be grossed out 219 00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:03,447 Speaker 1: by anything. Yeah, it's like you want to be grossed out. 220 00:12:04,167 --> 00:12:07,127 Speaker 1: I don't know where my butt hole begins an end, 221 00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:11,167 Speaker 1: my vagina begins and ends, and I am covered in 222 00:12:11,247 --> 00:12:15,967 Speaker 1: what can broadly be described as labor us labor, labor. 223 00:12:16,367 --> 00:12:19,487 Speaker 1: It looks and smells like labor. My sense of being 224 00:12:19,527 --> 00:12:23,647 Speaker 1: grossed out. She has pood, Probably I have pood. There 225 00:12:23,727 --> 00:12:26,767 Speaker 1: is a mixture of poop and I feel no shame, 226 00:12:27,167 --> 00:12:30,207 Speaker 1: just exhausted. Her poop is my poop. I'm her, she 227 00:12:30,367 --> 00:12:34,327 Speaker 1: is me. But they kind of gave Rory the scissors 228 00:12:34,367 --> 00:12:36,087 Speaker 1: and he clearly was trying to make it a moment 229 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:39,687 Speaker 1: and they're like, this is an emergency. Either cut it 230 00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:42,407 Speaker 1: or don't fucking cut it. And he was like, boom 231 00:12:42,487 --> 00:12:47,607 Speaker 1: took her? Ah Madilda, always the drama, all right, Clare, 232 00:12:47,647 --> 00:12:51,527 Speaker 1: quick true or false? Does this baby item exist poop? 233 00:12:52,047 --> 00:12:54,407 Speaker 1: In case the smell isn't a strong enough clue than 234 00:12:54,447 --> 00:12:56,527 Speaker 1: what it is is, it will remind you that there's 235 00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:58,087 Speaker 1: a need for a nappy change with a sound and 236 00:12:58,127 --> 00:13:01,927 Speaker 1: a blinking led light. Wait, how does it tell? I 237 00:13:01,927 --> 00:13:05,007 Speaker 1: don't know, Claire, I'm not a fucking engineer. Okay, okay. 238 00:13:05,367 --> 00:13:08,647 Speaker 1: I think there are natural pooper arms. I think the 239 00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:13,047 Speaker 1: people arms your sense of smell and also your eyesight, 240 00:13:13,247 --> 00:13:18,127 Speaker 1: and also the rolling avalanche, cascade waterfall of shit going 241 00:13:18,167 --> 00:13:21,087 Speaker 1: down in between your baby's toes. I think that's an 242 00:13:21,127 --> 00:13:25,167 Speaker 1: absolutely excellent pooper arm. There is such a thing as 243 00:13:25,207 --> 00:13:28,487 Speaker 1: a poopol arm. Okay. That is when we've gone too 244 00:13:28,527 --> 00:13:36,967 Speaker 1: far with the baby merch, then you've got a baby. 245 00:13:37,527 --> 00:13:40,287 Speaker 1: It is weird that you've just had the most intense 246 00:13:40,367 --> 00:13:43,887 Speaker 1: experience of your life. And then everyone leaves. So there's 247 00:13:43,887 --> 00:13:46,447 Speaker 1: all this drama, drama, drama. There's a lot of people 248 00:13:46,447 --> 00:13:49,247 Speaker 1: in the room, and then all of a sudden, it's 249 00:13:49,327 --> 00:13:53,367 Speaker 1: you in bed with this weird weey cot next to 250 00:13:53,407 --> 00:13:55,447 Speaker 1: you with a fish in it, with a fish in it, 251 00:13:55,847 --> 00:14:00,367 Speaker 1: and it's a bit are you right, mate? Are you right? 252 00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:03,847 Speaker 1: Are you with the right place? Are you right? There 253 00:14:03,887 --> 00:14:05,807 Speaker 1: was a lot of drama, and now you appear to 254 00:14:05,847 --> 00:14:09,687 Speaker 1: be sleeping soundly, whereas I am dealing with drama soundly. 255 00:14:09,727 --> 00:14:18,647 Speaker 1: But also, can you shut the fuck up? What are those? Yeah? 256 00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:24,727 Speaker 1: This mommy and daddy trying to sleep. You made a fuss, 257 00:14:24,967 --> 00:14:27,727 Speaker 1: you took too long. Now everyone's trying to sleep. You 258 00:14:27,847 --> 00:14:30,447 Speaker 1: know how you don't give them a bath for a while? Yeah, 259 00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:33,127 Speaker 1: for like days, people come in and I had people 260 00:14:33,167 --> 00:14:34,527 Speaker 1: come in and meet Lunar. I don't know, like an 261 00:14:34,527 --> 00:14:36,287 Speaker 1: hour after she was born. I didn't know whether that 262 00:14:36,407 --> 00:14:39,407 Speaker 1: was like koash or not. It just happened, and people like, oh, 263 00:14:39,487 --> 00:14:42,047 Speaker 1: she's so sweet and like holding her own stuff and 264 00:14:42,087 --> 00:14:44,847 Speaker 1: kissing her right, And I'm like, I don't care about 265 00:14:44,847 --> 00:14:47,127 Speaker 1: you kissing her. That's fine, that's play. On, but she 266 00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:51,007 Speaker 1: doesn't had a bath. No, she's covered in what I 267 00:14:51,047 --> 00:14:55,487 Speaker 1: would have described as vagina juice broadly wet, not only 268 00:14:55,567 --> 00:15:03,687 Speaker 1: vagina juice, organ juice. She's covered in my internal organs. Yeah. Yeah, 269 00:15:03,967 --> 00:15:08,087 Speaker 1: and like they just wiped her down very briefly, very briefly. 270 00:15:08,127 --> 00:15:11,207 Speaker 1: There was no as far as I know, pan sanitizer. 271 00:15:11,447 --> 00:15:14,527 Speaker 1: Why doesn't she smell more? That's what I thought? Yeah, 272 00:15:14,567 --> 00:15:17,527 Speaker 1: and she didn't. She smell quite lovely. Yeah, I remember, yeah, 273 00:15:17,567 --> 00:15:19,887 Speaker 1: having Matilda on me, and look, I mean she did 274 00:15:19,927 --> 00:15:22,007 Speaker 1: pooh on a way out, so there was that as 275 00:15:22,007 --> 00:15:26,007 Speaker 1: a separate thing, a new baby. The fuck is pooh? 276 00:15:26,047 --> 00:15:28,167 Speaker 1: I've never done it. I don't know what, but it 277 00:15:28,287 --> 00:15:30,847 Speaker 1: sticks all of me. It's on me, and it's not 278 00:15:30,887 --> 00:15:34,847 Speaker 1: being wiped up by the fluid around me. No, they 279 00:15:34,927 --> 00:15:38,527 Speaker 1: don't pooh in the uterus, think about it. They do 280 00:15:38,567 --> 00:15:40,287 Speaker 1: their first. If they poo in the womb, you have 281 00:15:40,327 --> 00:15:43,407 Speaker 1: to emergency give birth. How do they pooh? I think 282 00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:46,527 Speaker 1: the umbilical course, through the umbilical corse. Yeah, did you 283 00:15:46,567 --> 00:15:49,927 Speaker 1: think that they were just randomly wii? Do they wei 284 00:15:49,967 --> 00:15:51,967 Speaker 1: in their little side? I don't fucking know. I think 285 00:15:51,967 --> 00:15:53,807 Speaker 1: they we in their sack. I think they're swimming in 286 00:15:53,847 --> 00:15:55,927 Speaker 1: their wi. I think they're drinking their week okay, but 287 00:15:55,967 --> 00:15:58,727 Speaker 1: if they're pooping in their sack, why do they poop? 288 00:15:59,207 --> 00:16:02,047 Speaker 1: They only poop on their way out. Why because it's 289 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:06,327 Speaker 1: their body's way of being, Like I'm born. Okay, but 290 00:16:06,447 --> 00:16:09,927 Speaker 1: it's a lot, and you're like, okay, you just have 291 00:16:10,007 --> 00:16:13,287 Speaker 1: a sleep all bleed all over the hospital. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, 292 00:16:13,287 --> 00:16:14,447 Speaker 1: all over my sheets and stuff. 293 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:16,567 Speaker 2: What were some of the unusual ways you got your 294 00:16:16,567 --> 00:16:17,247 Speaker 2: baby to sleep? 295 00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:21,127 Speaker 1: At first? I played food Fighters Greatest Hits album. I 296 00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,927 Speaker 1: saw them when I was pregnant. I thought it might help. 297 00:16:24,047 --> 00:16:26,247 Speaker 1: During the first week. There were a few nights I 298 00:16:26,247 --> 00:16:28,527 Speaker 1: had him in the prem at two am, doing laps 299 00:16:28,567 --> 00:16:31,407 Speaker 1: around the house trying to get him to sleep. I 300 00:16:31,447 --> 00:16:34,727 Speaker 1: remember Matilda just saying that so peacefully. She looked like 301 00:16:34,847 --> 00:16:38,327 Speaker 1: a little angel, and I thought, the audacity, Yeah, you 302 00:16:38,327 --> 00:16:43,087 Speaker 1: audacity to do that. I've got stitches. I've got stitches. 303 00:16:43,127 --> 00:16:47,647 Speaker 1: I'm standing up and there is blah blah coming outba 304 00:16:47,687 --> 00:16:51,367 Speaker 1: coming out, and you are so peaceful, You are so peaceful. 305 00:16:51,527 --> 00:16:54,127 Speaker 1: I mean, there's so much that I'm going through, baby, 306 00:16:54,247 --> 00:16:58,327 Speaker 1: so peaceful, like, Oh, don't worry, mom, I'm fine. Well 307 00:16:58,327 --> 00:17:01,767 Speaker 1: you're not because you're gonna scream for You're gonna scream 308 00:17:01,767 --> 00:17:05,367 Speaker 1: for milk soon, and you're gonna scream because you do 309 00:17:05,487 --> 00:17:08,247 Speaker 1: not understand why you are in the world. No, you 310 00:17:08,327 --> 00:17:13,007 Speaker 1: want to be back, And everything about how you interact 311 00:17:13,007 --> 00:17:15,407 Speaker 1: with your newborn is about making them feel like they're 312 00:17:15,407 --> 00:17:19,047 Speaker 1: still in the womb. Yes, swaddle them really tight and 313 00:17:19,567 --> 00:17:23,607 Speaker 1: not too much light and white noise, everything to replicate it. Yeah, 314 00:17:23,647 --> 00:17:26,127 Speaker 1: and I was sorry, what was the point in burning? Yeah, 315 00:17:26,167 --> 00:17:28,047 Speaker 1: if you just want to be in the womb, I 316 00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:31,847 Speaker 1: mean that's fine, get back in. It's wide open. It 317 00:17:32,327 --> 00:17:35,207 Speaker 1: wide open. You could go back. Yeah, you actually could, 318 00:17:35,327 --> 00:17:37,567 Speaker 1: and you would probably cry less. You would cry less. 319 00:17:37,847 --> 00:17:43,847 Speaker 1: I think what humans should have is like a kangaroo situation. Yeah. Yeah, 320 00:17:44,047 --> 00:17:46,567 Speaker 1: you birth, but then you've got a front pouch. Yeah, 321 00:17:46,607 --> 00:17:49,287 Speaker 1: and baby just kind of stays in that pouch for 322 00:17:49,327 --> 00:17:54,167 Speaker 1: another twelve weeks, Yeah, sucking up whatever from your skin. 323 00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,527 Speaker 1: Maybe you have a breast on your stomach and they're 324 00:17:57,567 --> 00:18:01,727 Speaker 1: just constantly Yeah at that, I go for it. And 325 00:18:01,807 --> 00:18:05,047 Speaker 1: then by the time they emerge, they're actually they're a baby. 326 00:18:05,087 --> 00:18:07,207 Speaker 1: Maybe they can walk, yeah, yeah, they're actually functional. They 327 00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:10,167 Speaker 1: can certainly jump. I don't know if you had this experience, 328 00:18:10,367 --> 00:18:13,407 Speaker 1: but I kept saying, Luna is the easy bit. What 329 00:18:13,607 --> 00:18:17,847 Speaker 1: was hard was being in bed and like I hadn't 330 00:18:17,847 --> 00:18:20,847 Speaker 1: slept in days and days. What was hard was the 331 00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:24,807 Speaker 1: tea you muffin? Was that biscuit? Would you like breakfast? 332 00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:27,207 Speaker 1: It's eight o'clock. Do I fucking look like I would 333 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,367 Speaker 1: like to breakfast? How about lunch? It's midday? How about 334 00:18:30,407 --> 00:18:34,287 Speaker 1: afternoon tea? Afternoon tea is a meal for starters. And 335 00:18:34,287 --> 00:18:36,967 Speaker 1: the problem with afternoon tea and morning tea and fucking 336 00:18:37,047 --> 00:18:41,047 Speaker 1: six am t and dessert and stuff is that you 337 00:18:41,247 --> 00:18:43,487 Speaker 1: then come and try and pick up things from my 338 00:18:43,607 --> 00:18:46,367 Speaker 1: room that I never took. Yeah, so it's like I'm 339 00:18:46,407 --> 00:18:48,967 Speaker 1: just collecting the tea you had. Well, I actually denied 340 00:18:49,327 --> 00:18:51,687 Speaker 1: the tea because I've been trying to sleep. But you've 341 00:18:51,727 --> 00:18:56,447 Speaker 1: been knocking on this door every fifteen minutes for four days. 342 00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:59,887 Speaker 1: And it's bizarre because you're already on the schedule of 343 00:18:59,927 --> 00:19:03,527 Speaker 1: a tiny dictator who's gonna wake you up every three hours, 344 00:19:03,767 --> 00:19:06,687 Speaker 1: it doesn't matter day night. They don't know, they don't know. 345 00:19:07,007 --> 00:19:09,047 Speaker 1: And then finally you're getting a few hours sleep in 346 00:19:09,047 --> 00:19:16,047 Speaker 1: the morning to your coffee I'm going to vomit everywhere 347 00:19:16,327 --> 00:19:21,247 Speaker 1: I found tea or coffee. Way more annoying than Luna, genuinely, 348 00:19:21,247 --> 00:19:23,127 Speaker 1: way more annoying than Luna. And then I remember this. 349 00:19:23,647 --> 00:19:26,447 Speaker 1: Luca took Luna just like up the ward for a 350 00:19:26,527 --> 00:19:28,247 Speaker 1: little bit so that I could try and get some sleep, right, 351 00:19:28,327 --> 00:19:30,087 Speaker 1: And he put a sign on the door. He said, 352 00:19:30,287 --> 00:19:34,567 Speaker 1: let this bitch sleep. She is not making sense, okay, 353 00:19:34,567 --> 00:19:36,567 Speaker 1: because I hadn't supped in days, and it's really hard 354 00:19:36,567 --> 00:19:38,287 Speaker 1: because your adrenaline is really high, and I'm kind of 355 00:19:38,287 --> 00:19:41,407 Speaker 1: just like drifting off, and I get knock knock, knocked, 356 00:19:41,447 --> 00:19:46,047 Speaker 1: no no from the pediatrician. Where's your baby? Oh? I 357 00:19:46,087 --> 00:19:52,247 Speaker 1: don't know. I walked away. I wanted to go baby, 358 00:19:52,287 --> 00:19:53,807 Speaker 1: what baby? Oh my god, I don't know where I 359 00:19:53,847 --> 00:19:56,527 Speaker 1: put it. Can you check unt of the bit? I 360 00:19:56,767 --> 00:19:58,527 Speaker 1: think I put it in my bag. Do you think 361 00:19:58,567 --> 00:20:01,767 Speaker 1: she has find my friends? Have you tried calling her? 362 00:20:04,887 --> 00:20:07,207 Speaker 1: Does she have an evil air tag? You should attach 363 00:20:07,247 --> 00:20:10,007 Speaker 1: that when she's born? Try her air tag. I don't 364 00:20:10,007 --> 00:20:17,487 Speaker 1: know where she went. I knew this, where's your baby? 365 00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:21,527 Speaker 1: But then you've got this weird defensiveness about them. So 366 00:20:22,127 --> 00:20:27,207 Speaker 1: a midwife came in. Matilda wasn't feeding properly. She was like, 367 00:20:27,367 --> 00:20:30,487 Speaker 1: I've got a sore head buckle, yeah, yeah, my head. Yeah, 368 00:20:30,527 --> 00:20:34,647 Speaker 1: she's eating when you've got a headache exactly. So she 369 00:20:34,727 --> 00:20:37,647 Speaker 1: wasn't feeding very well. And this midwife was like, she's 370 00:20:37,767 --> 00:20:42,087 Speaker 1: very fussy. WHOA. Don't talk about my girl like that. 371 00:20:42,287 --> 00:20:45,847 Speaker 1: You don't know her. And relatedly, I don't know her. Relatedly, 372 00:20:46,207 --> 00:20:49,007 Speaker 1: he doesn't know her. None of us know her. There 373 00:20:49,087 --> 00:20:51,527 Speaker 1: was a midwife who came in and she criticized Rory, 374 00:20:51,567 --> 00:20:53,807 Speaker 1: she criticized me, she criticized Matilda, and she walked out, 375 00:20:54,207 --> 00:20:58,247 Speaker 1: and I said, you don't come in and shit on 376 00:20:58,407 --> 00:21:03,567 Speaker 1: my family, okay, because she is the drama in her 377 00:21:03,647 --> 00:21:08,007 Speaker 1: little crib. Only I may I may say that. Feelings 378 00:21:08,007 --> 00:21:11,007 Speaker 1: about that, I remember all also thinking looking at Luna 379 00:21:11,247 --> 00:21:13,767 Speaker 1: and being like, oh my goodness, she's inherited my slack chin. 380 00:21:13,927 --> 00:21:15,727 Speaker 1: Remember how I had a whole crass about that, and 381 00:21:15,767 --> 00:21:17,567 Speaker 1: I messaged you and I said, I've always worried that 382 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:20,367 Speaker 1: I have a slack chin. I've quite an overbite, and 383 00:21:20,407 --> 00:21:22,567 Speaker 1: I had a lot of dental work to correct it. 384 00:21:22,887 --> 00:21:24,767 Speaker 1: But the thing about a baby is that they haven't 385 00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:29,567 Speaker 1: had the dental work, so they come out the worst you. Yeah, no, 386 00:21:29,687 --> 00:21:32,807 Speaker 1: they come out very raw. They come out raw genetically, 387 00:21:33,127 --> 00:21:35,447 Speaker 1: and it's like whatever you think you've hidden from your 388 00:21:35,487 --> 00:21:40,687 Speaker 1: husband or your partner or anyone in your life about 389 00:21:40,687 --> 00:21:46,287 Speaker 1: your own physical appearance, through die, through waxing, through fake tan, 390 00:21:46,607 --> 00:21:48,887 Speaker 1: that baby comes out and it's like, have I mentioned 391 00:21:48,887 --> 00:21:50,767 Speaker 1: my mum has an opigment? And I'm like, okay, so 392 00:21:50,967 --> 00:21:53,447 Speaker 1: I'm actually translacent. And there's a lot of things that 393 00:21:53,487 --> 00:21:55,287 Speaker 1: they look at and it's like, oh, that's a funny 394 00:21:55,287 --> 00:21:57,647 Speaker 1: face she's doing. And I'm like, I've been hiding that 395 00:21:57,727 --> 00:22:00,367 Speaker 1: face that from me this whole time because she's got 396 00:22:00,847 --> 00:22:03,767 Speaker 1: very slack chin. And I've said this since her hairline 397 00:22:03,807 --> 00:22:06,687 Speaker 1: at the back it starts way too high. I'm like, yeah, 398 00:22:06,687 --> 00:22:09,127 Speaker 1: I've never liked that hairline. And then I think it's 399 00:22:09,167 --> 00:22:11,527 Speaker 1: just me being self deprecating, and then I look at 400 00:22:11,527 --> 00:22:14,447 Speaker 1: her and I'm like, no, no, no, that's my genetics. 401 00:22:15,247 --> 00:22:17,767 Speaker 1: Crap crap, crap crap. 402 00:22:17,847 --> 00:22:18,367 Speaker 2: Advice. 403 00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:24,247 Speaker 1: At the end of every show, we give advice on 404 00:22:24,327 --> 00:22:28,607 Speaker 1: your baby related dilemmas because between us we have absolutely 405 00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:32,527 Speaker 1: not one ioda of expertise, only vibes. Here's the dilemma 406 00:22:32,647 --> 00:22:35,327 Speaker 1: for today that a listener wrote in for us and Jesse, 407 00:22:35,407 --> 00:22:38,567 Speaker 1: we're going to give some really great advice. I love 408 00:22:38,647 --> 00:22:43,127 Speaker 1: giving advice. I have a ten week old baby boy 409 00:22:43,247 --> 00:22:46,367 Speaker 1: who is an absolute dream. During the day, he feeds 410 00:22:46,367 --> 00:22:48,927 Speaker 1: and sleeps and smiles, and everyone I see tells me 411 00:22:48,967 --> 00:22:51,407 Speaker 1: how lucky I am to have such a calm and 412 00:22:51,527 --> 00:22:54,807 Speaker 1: happy baby. But then it gets to night time. He 413 00:22:54,847 --> 00:22:57,847 Speaker 1: wakes up every two hours at least and takes a 414 00:22:57,887 --> 00:23:00,647 Speaker 1: really long time to get settled. There are other babies 415 00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:03,047 Speaker 1: in my mother's group who are already sleeping through the night. 416 00:23:04,047 --> 00:23:06,047 Speaker 1: Is there a trick to turning a baby into a 417 00:23:06,087 --> 00:23:08,767 Speaker 1: good sleeper? Should I be worried that he doesn't seem 418 00:23:08,807 --> 00:23:15,087 Speaker 1: to even when it's nighttime? Jesse, do you have any advice? Yeah? Yeah, 419 00:23:15,087 --> 00:23:18,887 Speaker 1: I've got heaps. Okay, a few things. Firstly, I know 420 00:23:19,007 --> 00:23:26,487 Speaker 1: this is obvious, but communication, so family counseling, seeing a therapist, 421 00:23:26,567 --> 00:23:28,807 Speaker 1: chatting it out, because it doesn't sound like you've even 422 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:32,327 Speaker 1: tried with the communication. You're just plaining to us. Have 423 00:23:32,407 --> 00:23:35,367 Speaker 1: you told him you want him to say exactly? I 424 00:23:35,407 --> 00:23:38,967 Speaker 1: don't feel like you've told him the expectations, So you've 425 00:23:38,967 --> 00:23:41,287 Speaker 1: got to set up your expectations. You've got to say 426 00:23:41,687 --> 00:23:45,807 Speaker 1: seven o'clock bedtime. You've got to say ath after Yeah, 427 00:23:45,847 --> 00:23:49,567 Speaker 1: come on now seven till seven please? Absolutely, I thought 428 00:23:49,607 --> 00:23:52,607 Speaker 1: you want to hang out? Oh sorry, sorry, can three 429 00:23:52,647 --> 00:23:55,887 Speaker 1: am hang out? Five am hangout? No, doesn't want to 430 00:23:55,887 --> 00:23:58,727 Speaker 1: hang out. The next one is he's had ten weeks 431 00:23:58,727 --> 00:24:00,927 Speaker 1: to get it together for a long time. It's a 432 00:24:00,927 --> 00:24:03,207 Speaker 1: long time, and I'm thinking about jetlag because he clearly 433 00:24:03,247 --> 00:24:06,007 Speaker 1: has a big jet lag and jet lag doesn't take 434 00:24:06,007 --> 00:24:09,567 Speaker 1: ten weeks for me two days. So he's over the 435 00:24:09,607 --> 00:24:12,767 Speaker 1: jet lag period. He's taking the piers, he's taking the piss. 436 00:24:12,847 --> 00:24:14,927 Speaker 1: And that's where I come up with a solution. Okay. 437 00:24:15,047 --> 00:24:17,527 Speaker 1: I did actually perform a little bit of research for this, 438 00:24:18,047 --> 00:24:21,127 Speaker 1: because usually I would just into it. Yeah, but I 439 00:24:21,247 --> 00:24:23,247 Speaker 1: was like, this is very serious. That's what all advice 440 00:24:23,327 --> 00:24:26,127 Speaker 1: is based on, is VI. But I did actually do 441 00:24:26,207 --> 00:24:30,527 Speaker 1: some googling. I looked up what is the exact opposite 442 00:24:30,567 --> 00:24:33,367 Speaker 1: time zone of Australia, because I think moving there would work. 443 00:24:33,527 --> 00:24:35,767 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, that's so smart. So I don't know 444 00:24:35,767 --> 00:24:38,407 Speaker 1: why we're trying to change our baby. Yeah, just the 445 00:24:38,447 --> 00:24:43,087 Speaker 1: baby's on the right pattern for Alaska, yes, for and 446 00:24:43,167 --> 00:24:47,167 Speaker 1: I found it American Samoa. Oh, beautiful. It's a different 447 00:24:47,207 --> 00:24:52,447 Speaker 1: place to Samoa. Allegedly it's called American Samoa. I didn't confirm. 448 00:24:52,527 --> 00:24:57,447 Speaker 1: I never actually clicked to fully understand. But I don't 449 00:24:57,487 --> 00:25:00,007 Speaker 1: know why more people don't just move to the time 450 00:25:00,087 --> 00:25:02,647 Speaker 1: zone that would fit the baby suit the baby, Yes, 451 00:25:02,727 --> 00:25:05,927 Speaker 1: because baby's set. Baby's like a computer. Yes. It's like 452 00:25:05,967 --> 00:25:07,847 Speaker 1: when you get like a watch or a computer or 453 00:25:07,887 --> 00:25:11,207 Speaker 1: whatever that's like still two pm. Yeah, you're like, oh, 454 00:25:11,327 --> 00:25:13,247 Speaker 1: it's not it's one am, and it's like, yeah, well 455 00:25:13,287 --> 00:25:18,367 Speaker 1: your computer's set too Alaska. Your computer is set to Norway. 456 00:25:18,527 --> 00:25:20,687 Speaker 1: And yeah. One thing is to change the computer. The 457 00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:22,367 Speaker 1: other thing is to move to the place where it's 458 00:25:22,367 --> 00:25:25,407 Speaker 1: set to so that the computer makes sense. And that's 459 00:25:25,447 --> 00:25:28,247 Speaker 1: why I think with little Arthur, you need Arthur to 460 00:25:28,287 --> 00:25:30,927 Speaker 1: make sense, you need Arthur to thrite. It's currently trying 461 00:25:30,927 --> 00:25:33,487 Speaker 1: to fit a square peg that's Arthur into a round hole, 462 00:25:33,487 --> 00:25:36,567 Speaker 1: which is Australian time zone. So if you go to 463 00:25:36,607 --> 00:25:38,727 Speaker 1: the other time zone, I would imagine that what will 464 00:25:38,727 --> 00:25:40,727 Speaker 1: happen with Arthur is that he does sleep all the 465 00:25:40,767 --> 00:25:43,287 Speaker 1: way through the night and he's a dream and then 466 00:25:43,327 --> 00:25:46,127 Speaker 1: he's like up through the day, which is great. And 467 00:25:46,207 --> 00:25:48,207 Speaker 1: are you in another country and you've got no support, 468 00:25:48,367 --> 00:25:51,727 Speaker 1: you've lost your job. Yes, do you have accommodation? No? 469 00:25:52,327 --> 00:25:59,847 Speaker 1: Is your baby sleeping? Probably not? Probably? Maybe he'll change. Yeah, boom, 470 00:25:59,887 --> 00:26:03,567 Speaker 1: Well I've got some advice. Okay. I'd also say he's trolling. 471 00:26:03,687 --> 00:26:08,207 Speaker 1: He knows what he's doing. Yeah. Everybody acts like, oh babies, Oh, 472 00:26:08,287 --> 00:26:12,527 Speaker 1: they don't know is crying for No, he knows. He goes, hey, mom, 473 00:26:12,567 --> 00:26:18,687 Speaker 1: you sleep. Wow. It's manipulative. Wow. Yeah, form of torture. 474 00:26:18,807 --> 00:26:21,967 Speaker 1: He says, hey, mom, let's hang out because I know 475 00:26:22,047 --> 00:26:24,847 Speaker 1: you've got nowhere to be. Oh shit, you've got no 476 00:26:25,047 --> 00:26:27,687 Speaker 1: there's no one around. And then he does He says, 477 00:26:28,127 --> 00:26:30,407 Speaker 1: during the day, when there are people around, I will 478 00:26:30,407 --> 00:26:33,727 Speaker 1: act like an angel so that you feel crazy. He's 479 00:26:33,767 --> 00:26:37,007 Speaker 1: gas lighting her. Oh my god, he's gaslighting her, which 480 00:26:37,047 --> 00:26:40,167 Speaker 1: is a form of abuse. You should call the police. 481 00:26:40,367 --> 00:26:42,767 Speaker 1: Oh my god, I've got it. Police. Go to court, 482 00:26:42,847 --> 00:26:45,087 Speaker 1: Judge Judy. I don't want to look at you anymore. 483 00:26:45,567 --> 00:26:47,967 Speaker 1: Go to Judge Judy and say I am being gas 484 00:26:48,047 --> 00:26:53,247 Speaker 1: lit by baby. And the baby is fast asleep in 485 00:26:53,287 --> 00:26:56,087 Speaker 1: their little being an angel, and then wakes up and 486 00:26:56,167 --> 00:26:59,327 Speaker 1: smiles and then does a little bird and everyone giggles. 487 00:26:59,367 --> 00:27:01,687 Speaker 1: And it's like, this is actually, this is what I mean. 488 00:27:01,887 --> 00:27:03,487 Speaker 1: And then they show footage from the middle of the 489 00:27:03,567 --> 00:27:06,207 Speaker 1: night and it's like black and white and grainy. Yeah, 490 00:27:06,207 --> 00:27:09,807 Speaker 1: wow yea head spinning three six years yeah, and Bailiff 491 00:27:09,887 --> 00:27:15,047 Speaker 1: is like that's fucked yes so true yeah, and would 492 00:27:15,167 --> 00:27:19,007 Speaker 1: come up with the sentence yeah yeah, which I think 493 00:27:19,047 --> 00:27:23,087 Speaker 1: American Samoa. Yeah, you must move to the other side 494 00:27:23,087 --> 00:27:26,447 Speaker 1: of the world where your baby will troll you somewhat less. 495 00:27:26,887 --> 00:27:29,447 Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed this episode of Baby Bubble, which 496 00:27:29,447 --> 00:27:32,767 Speaker 1: it's definitely not a parenting advice podcast. If you like 497 00:27:32,847 --> 00:27:35,727 Speaker 1: this episode, follow the Baby Bubble in your podcast app. 498 00:27:36,087 --> 00:27:39,687 Speaker 1: Next week, we take on the first shower, the first pooh, 499 00:27:39,727 --> 00:27:43,127 Speaker 1: and an initiation into all this madness. We'd love it 500 00:27:43,167 --> 00:27:45,567 Speaker 1: if you would share this podcast with your friends and 501 00:27:45,647 --> 00:27:48,407 Speaker 1: leave a review wherever you get your podcasts. If you 502 00:27:48,447 --> 00:27:50,527 Speaker 1: have a few minutes to complete our survey, there's a 503 00:27:50,567 --> 00:27:52,287 Speaker 1: link in the show notes and you'll go in the 504 00:27:52,407 --> 00:27:54,527 Speaker 1: running to win a fifty dollars gift. Boutch out to 505 00:27:54,607 --> 00:27:57,127 Speaker 1: thank you for your time, and we'll see you next week. 506 00:27:57,407 --> 00:28:03,367 Speaker 1: Bye bye.