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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mia podcast.

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Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters

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Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded on.

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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome.

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Speaker 2: To Mamma Mia. Out loud. What women are actually talking

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Speaker 2: about on Wednesday, the seventh of August.

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Speaker 1: I'm Holly Wainwright, I'm me of Friedman, and.

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Speaker 3: I'm Jesse Stevens. And I'm sorry I was away the

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Speaker 3: other day. I was sick and I really had foma.

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Speaker 3: I really wanted to be on that episode.

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Speaker 2: Because it wasn't about She was happy to have missed it.

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Speaker 3: Yes, that that I was happy about. But em filled

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Speaker 3: in and did a brilliant job.

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Speaker 2: On today's show with Jesse Stevens, things.

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Speaker 1: Just got weird.

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Speaker 2: How a schoolyard insult has become the most effective political

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Speaker 2: strategy in the US election, and why the man who

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Speaker 2: coined it is Kamala's new right hand man. Also, there's

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Speaker 2: worms in the village food and a very hot man

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Speaker 2: sleeping in a park. Yes, it's an expert Olympic roundup,

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Speaker 2: and the truth counsel friendship theory. One of the world's

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Speaker 2: richest women says she runs every big decision by three

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Speaker 2: specific people and it's what you don't want to talk

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Speaker 2: to them about that teaches you the most. But first,

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Speaker 2: Jesse Stevens.

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Speaker 3: In case you missed it, Ben Affleck has been described

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Speaker 3: as the most divorced man you've ever seen, the actor who,

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Speaker 3: as far as we know, is still married to Jennifer Lopez.

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Speaker 3: No ring though, no ring, but sometimes ring. I went

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Speaker 3: through the timeline yesterday in granular detail, and every time

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Speaker 3: you like the rings off, the ring comes back on.

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Speaker 1: Jalo's moved her engagement ring to her right hand, and

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Speaker 1: I don't think she's wearing her wedding ring anymore now.

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Speaker 2: Want This divorce has been going on now for a while,

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Speaker 2: and nobody is giving us any reason to believe it

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Speaker 2: is untrue.

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Speaker 3: So we needed the last piece of evidence that this

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Speaker 3: was true right now.

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Speaker 1: If it wasn't enough that they solved their marital.

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Speaker 3: Home and Ben bought a home of his own in

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Speaker 3: a different on a.

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Speaker 2: Different very different somehow exactly.

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Speaker 1: And was not in attendance on her Bridgeston themed birthday.

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Speaker 3: Past and Jaylo also canceled her summer tour to spend

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Speaker 3: time with family. Why do we not?

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Speaker 2: That was all the evidence we could just pull out

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Speaker 2: without having done any research or.

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Speaker 1: Made any notes. Literally none. I really worry about my brain. Okay, Jesse, Okay.

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Speaker 3: The evidence we needed is Ben Affleck being photographed in

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Speaker 3: la He was photographed, as.

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Speaker 2: Maya would say, this is not a visual medium's visual medium.

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Speaker 3: But I'm going to describe what he looks like. It's

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Speaker 3: his haircut. I think it's called a faux hawk, which

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Speaker 3: is where the sides of your hair are kind of

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Speaker 3: light shaved, and then it's a bit longer on top.

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Speaker 3: It's a young people's.

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Speaker 1: Haird like a really severe undercut. Yeah, and it goes

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Speaker 1: high up past three years.

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Speaker 3: He also had aviators on a leather biker jacket that

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Speaker 3: he was wearing on his motorcycle the backpack, and he

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Speaker 3: also had the slim fitted jeans. One tweet red, we

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Speaker 3: are reaching levels of divorced never before seen by man,

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Speaker 3: and another said the male mind forty eight hours after

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Speaker 3: a breakup needs to be studied. There was also an

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Speaker 3: imagined conversation between him and his barber where the barber says,

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Speaker 3: what'll it be and he says, I'm getting a divorce

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Speaker 3: and the barber says, say no more, and he gives

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Speaker 3: him that haircut.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's so like, we shouldn't be laughing about somebody's heartbreak.

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Speaker 2: But it's also so funny because why are not all men,

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Speaker 2: some middle aged men just so predictable. Yes, we're breaking up,

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Speaker 2: I really need a faux hook. Remember when he broke

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Speaker 2: up with Jen Garner and he got that back tattoo

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Speaker 2: that goes all the way from his neck right down

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Speaker 2: to the bottom of.

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Speaker 3: It, Like, and we're all predictable. Women get haircuts too,

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Speaker 3: women get post divorce haircuts. But his haircut is very

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Speaker 3: I mean I've seen it on dozens of men that

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Speaker 3: are walking around going I'm single, I'm on the market.

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Speaker 3: I've got my jacket on.

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Speaker 1: I know someone quite well who got divorced in his

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Speaker 1: early thirties. Same haircut or a motorcycles, it's a playbook.

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Speaker 1: I think it's like an instinctive thing, you know, how

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Speaker 1: like salmon instinctively know where to swim. It's not like,

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Speaker 1: and this was many years ago before social media was

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Speaker 1: a thing. I think they just instinctively know they like

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Speaker 1: it out a flimming pigeon or a salmon.

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Speaker 3: I need a motorbike under my legs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I need a motorbike between my legs and I

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Speaker 1: need a lot less hair.

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Speaker 3: So this is Google search as for weird, it's up

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Speaker 3: twenty two percent.

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Speaker 4: My god, over the last week.

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Speaker 1: Why the race for the presidential election in the US

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Speaker 1: just got really weird in a good way? In case

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Speaker 1: you missed it, Kamala Harris has picked her running mate.

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Speaker 1: There's been a lot of contention, controversy, mystery about who

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Speaker 1: she'd pick. It was between a couple of white guys,

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Speaker 1: and she picked the one called Tim Walls. He is

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Speaker 1: sixty years old. And if you said, Siri, show me

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Speaker 1: a picture of a really kind grandpa, you would see

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Speaker 1: a picture of Tim Walls.

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Speaker 3: And he's not a grandpa, is he?

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Speaker 1: He's not a grandpa. In fact, it's alarming for me

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Speaker 1: to realize he's only a few years old.

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Speaker 2: On me, I felt the same way.

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Speaker 1: And I was like a grandma, So what are you know?

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Speaker 2: It's interesting though, because Kamala is fifty nine and he's sixty,

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Speaker 2: and you put them next to each other and it

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Speaker 2: is very much like this is what sixty looks like

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Speaker 2: for men and women. That's very different.

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Speaker 1: They are contemporaries, but they look almost of slightly different generations.

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Speaker 1: So why did she pick him. I'm so glad you

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Speaker 1: asked few key reasons. The first is that he is

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Speaker 1: going to be very good in appealing to Midwestern voters.

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Speaker 1: So the swing states, which are the ones that in

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Speaker 1: Australia we would call them marginal seats, the ones that

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Speaker 1: the Democrats need to win to win government. They are

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Speaker 1: rural states, Midwestern states like Pennsylvania. He is the Minnesota

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Speaker 1: governor and he's very popular. Joined the army at seventeen.

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Speaker 1: He was in the army for twenty four years, then

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Speaker 1: he decided to become a teacher, retrained. He's been a

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Speaker 1: longtime advocate for women's reproductive rights. He's also got some

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Speaker 1: really great plucky dad vibes. There was a video that

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Speaker 1: went viral in the last couple of weeks where he

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Speaker 1: was at a state fair with his daughter. It shows

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Speaker 1: him screaming on a ride called a slingshot, and then

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Speaker 1: he's encouraging her to eat a corn dog and she's like, Dad,

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Speaker 1: I can't, I'm a vegetarian, and he goes, we'll then

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Speaker 1: have turkey. He's very funny. But the whole reason that

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Speaker 1: he has shot to prominence. He went to the top

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Speaker 1: of the leader board really fast. A few weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: no one had even heard of him.

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Speaker 3: No, I was hearing Shapiro. I was hit like a.

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Speaker 2: Lot of people were saying Shapiro up to two days ago. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: because Pennsylvania.

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Speaker 1: As you said, yes, he is the governor of Pennsylvania.

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Speaker 1: But the reason that Tim Woles came in out of

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Speaker 1: nowhere to the top of the leader board was because

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Speaker 1: he did an interview where he referred to JD. Vance,

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Speaker 1: the new Republican vice presidential candidate, as weird. Here is

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Speaker 1: a little bit of that interview. These are weird people

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Speaker 1: on the other side.

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Speaker 3: They want to take books away, they want to be

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Speaker 3: in your exam rooms.

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Speaker 1: That's what it comes down to it.

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Speaker 4: Don't you know, get sugarcoating this.

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Speaker 1: These are weird ideas. Listen to them speak. So after

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Speaker 1: he did that interview, because you know, they've tried lots

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Speaker 1: of different words. How do you describe Donald Trump and

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Speaker 1: a threat to democracy and an existential threat and JD.

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Speaker 1: Vance and conflicted felon, Yeah, all of those things. But

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Speaker 1: weird was just a very down home way to describe

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Speaker 1: some of his behavior. Like he talked about, you know,

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Speaker 1: he hugs a flag and he goes I love a

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Speaker 1: flag too, but it's a bit weird, like hugging a flag.

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Speaker 1: That interview went viral and it was immediately picked up

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Speaker 1: by other Democrats and clearly became part of their messaging

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Speaker 1: because then you heard a whole lot of other Democratic

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Speaker 1: candidates and governors and surrogates for Kamala using that word weird.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's just weird, and every day it comes out

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Speaker 3: Vance has done something more extreme, more weird.

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Speaker 4: It's not just a weird stuff that he brings, it's

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Speaker 4: that this leads to weird policy.

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Speaker 3: We're using this fake living room to talk to you

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Speaker 3: about a super weird idea from JD.

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Speaker 1: Vance. So these guys are just weird. That's where they are.

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Speaker 5: So fascist depend on fear. The fascist depend on us

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Speaker 5: going back.

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Speaker 1: But we're not.

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Speaker 5: Afraid of weird people.

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Speaker 2: We were a little bit creeped out, but we're not afraid.

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Speaker 1: Holly, I want to ask you what do you think

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Speaker 1: about the use of the word weird because Hillary Clinton,

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Speaker 1: we know, kind of ended her campaign in some ways

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Speaker 1: when she described Donald Trump supporters of a basket of deplorables,

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Speaker 1: and that didn't go well for her, But weird seems

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Speaker 1: to have had the opposite effect for Tim Wolls and

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Speaker 1: the Democrats.

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Speaker 2: Well, weird plays into our current vibe, which is the

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Speaker 2: brat vibe, you know, which is all very like, oh,

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Speaker 2: we're all just being a bit naughty and we're all

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Speaker 2: just being very informal and we're having fun. And this

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Speaker 2: is the TikTok collection, et cetera.

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Speaker 1: Because deplorable is a very tricky word, and it's very

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Speaker 1: weird word for that.

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Speaker 2: And also he is right the kind of stuff that jd.

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Speaker 2: Vance is talking about, you know, people with children should

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Speaker 2: get more votes, you know, like it is weird.

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Speaker 1: Where's the whole story about maybe he had.

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Speaker 3: Sex maybe but you know, and which he didn't, which

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Speaker 3: he didn't take story.

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Speaker 2: If but he did, it would be weird in that

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Speaker 2: don't spread fake news. Mia. In the interview that you're

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Speaker 2: talking about, what he said that was really solid.

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Speaker 1: He said, you know, there's something wrong with people when

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Speaker 1: they talk about freedom, freedom to be in your bedroom,

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Speaker 1: freedom being your zam room, freedom to tell your kids

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Speaker 1: what they can read.

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Speaker 3: That stuff is weird.

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Speaker 2: He's right, it is weird and it's extreme. And there's

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Speaker 2: no doubt that one of the biggest weapons for progressives

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Speaker 2: here is the fact that a large proportion of MAGA people.

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Speaker 2: Jd Vance is one of them want America to become

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Speaker 2: an extreme religious state, right of conservative Christian state, and.

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Speaker 1: That is weird, so that women have no right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so this is a good word, right, but you know,

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Speaker 2: the MEGA people think it's weird that there are people

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Speaker 2: who are same sex attracted, and weird that some women

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Speaker 2: want to use contraception, and weird that some people questioning

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Speaker 2: their gender. The problem is, though, with weird, I really

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Speaker 2: hope and I know that I'm not a highly paid

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Speaker 2: democratic strategist, so what do I know. But I kind

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Speaker 2: of hope that weird is a flash in the pan

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Speaker 2: because is religious conviction weird? You know, is any behavior

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Speaker 2: that you don't agree with or seems a bit unusual weird?

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Speaker 2: You know, I would tell my kids not to call

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Speaker 2: kids weird. My son gets called weird all the time,

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Speaker 2: Like weird is different, weird stands out, weird is unusual.

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Speaker 2: My personal feeling is about it is that it feels

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Speaker 2: a bit negative and a bit name corely. But then

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Speaker 2: also I'm aware that I'm being very gen x in

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Speaker 2: that reading of it, because I'm sort of taking it

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Speaker 2: quite seriously.

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Speaker 3: No, I share that discomfort, and you just made me

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Speaker 3: realize that it was because I got called weird at school,

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Speaker 3: like it was an insult that was used. And there's

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Speaker 3: something about that word that's still like it doesn't sit

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Speaker 3: right with me. And I was thinking about what the

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Speaker 3: word weird actually means, because it's a way of othering.

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Speaker 3: It's a way of saying I'm normal and you're not.

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Speaker 3: It's a way of saying you're not particularly bothered, like

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Speaker 3: you're not ramped up, you're not losing it.

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Speaker 1: And then this person isn't a threat.

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Speaker 3: No, don't you think they're a bit weird?

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Speaker 1: So excluding stigmatizing in a way, isn't it Jesse?

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Speaker 2: Do you think that because you know how we've talked

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Speaker 2: before about how the Trump attitude to politics is name calling.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're weird.

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Speaker 2: Jdvans likes to talk about normal people as opposed to

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Speaker 2: non normal people. And we've talked before about whether or

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Speaker 2: not you've got to fight fire with fire given all

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Speaker 2: the things you're saying about weird, is this just an

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Speaker 2: example of you know, the Democrats are playing Trump at

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Speaker 2: his own game because it does seem to have really

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Speaker 2: bothered him, and nobody's never called me weird. I'm a

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Speaker 2: lot of things, but weird, I'm not, and I'm up front.

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Speaker 1: And he is not either.

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Speaker 2: I will tell you JD is not at all.

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Speaker 1: They are.

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Speaker 3: It does seem to have worked, but there is a

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Speaker 3: distinction between what Clinton did with deplorables and what Walse's doing.

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Speaker 3: And I watched every clip I could find of him

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Speaker 3: using the word weird, and you will find that he

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Speaker 3: is very, very clever. JD. Vance and Donald Trump are weird.

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Speaker 3: He does not refer to their supporters to the party.

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Speaker 1: He's gone out of his way to say a lot

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Speaker 1: of Republicans are very fine people, and very fine people

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Speaker 1: he's said JD. Vance and Donald Trump. What I think

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Speaker 1: is interesting about it, and I know what you're saying,

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Speaker 1: and I don't think it's something it might stick around.

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Speaker 1: But what I like about it, and what I think

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Speaker 1: the intention was, is to be very passive aggressive in

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Speaker 1: a way. That's what's the worst thing you can do

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Speaker 1: to a bully is laugh at them. I understand what

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Speaker 1: you mean about. If someone is in a vulnerable position

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Speaker 1: like a child, or it happens at school, someone's called weird,

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Speaker 1: that's different because that's punching down This isn't punching down.

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Speaker 1: This is almost like the Emperor's new clothes to go.

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Speaker 1: They're saying all these things. They want a band contraception,

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Speaker 1: they want to ban IVF, they want to burn books,

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Speaker 1: they're hugging flags, They're you know, talking about women and cats.

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Speaker 1: It's a bit weird. It's weird.

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Speaker 2: It's weird, yeah, very cheesy, and it is right because

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Speaker 2: weird because all they've got is this.

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Speaker 1: Donald Trump and Jadie Vance are all about this thrusting

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Speaker 1: version of masculinity. And if you try and match that

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Speaker 1: with anger, but if you just kind of go the

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Speaker 1: Empress wearing no clothes.

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Speaker 2: And this seems to be Kamala's vibe, right because last

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Speaker 2: week when Trump gave that disastrous interview at the Association

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Speaker 2: of Black Journalists and he said that Kamala used to

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Speaker 2: be Indian and then she decided she was black, and

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Speaker 2: like just very very incendary stuff. She took the road

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Speaker 2: that you're describing me. She just kind of went same

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Speaker 2: old nonsense. She didn't go this is outrageous. I'm offended.

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Speaker 2: Da da da dah, which she had every right to do.

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Speaker 2: So let's be honest. It seems that this is the

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Speaker 2: strategy is let's laugh at them, let's mock them, let's

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Speaker 2: not get too furious about them.

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Speaker 1: So they're making badges for the conference make America laugh again,

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Speaker 1: because I think this is the mood. I really do.

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Speaker 1: And I think that there's a thing on the internet

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Speaker 1: if someone attacks you with very zen response is to say,

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Speaker 1: why are you so obsessed with me?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and it.

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Speaker 1: Just instead of going on and fighting back, you're just like, hey,

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Speaker 1: are you so obsessed with me? And that's kind of

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Speaker 1: what the weird thing is.

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Speaker 3: What he's won as well is and I think there

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Speaker 3: was probably some concern that the Harris campaign picked up

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Speaker 3: a lot of momentum and was harnessed by the TikTok generation,

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Speaker 3: who have an attention span of eleven seconds, and that

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Speaker 3: passed very quickly. And what he managed to do that

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Speaker 3: Democrats haven't managed to do in a very long time

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Speaker 3: is harness the attention economy, which is also what this

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Speaker 3: will be about. He is a brilliant interview like he

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Speaker 3: thinks on his feet, He's not rehearsed, he's handed. He's

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Speaker 3: a brilliant interview, which I think is a really good thing.

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Speaker 3: The only other criticism I have is that he was

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Speaker 3: at this rally or something and he was talking about JD.

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Speaker 3: Vance and he said something like, I can't wait to

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Speaker 3: debate him. That's if he can get up off the couch,

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Speaker 3: and everyone started laughing because what he was referring to

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Speaker 3: was the since deleted tweet with a fake quote from

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Speaker 3: JD Vance's book that said that he performed some sexual

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Speaker 3: act on a couch. When you've got the Republicans yelling

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Speaker 3: about fake news and truth hangs in the balance, do

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Speaker 3: we want to play this game?

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Speaker 1: It was really interesting to watch that because I thought

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Speaker 1: the exact same thing, and then I thought he also

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Speaker 1: overegged it by going, see what I just did there,

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Speaker 1: And you could see Kamla was standing in the background

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Speaker 1: trying not to laugh but also shaking her head, and

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Speaker 1: you just know that afterwards she'd go.

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Speaker 3: Hey, nuh, wind it back, wind it back.

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Speaker 1: Because even if you just said, if you can get

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Speaker 1: off the couch, that would have been nod. But he

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Speaker 1: should have just played it then really straight, and that

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Speaker 1: would have been a nod to the people who knew.

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Speaker 1: But I agree with you, Jesse. The thing is that

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Speaker 1: I think that this guy authentic and genuine overused words

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Speaker 1: you don't see them often in politics. But I don't

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Speaker 1: think that he went I'm going to use this word.

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Speaker 1: There was nothing strategic. He wasn't in the running for

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Speaker 1: VP when he gave that interview and said weird, he

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Speaker 1: really wasn't. He just spoke a truth, you know, spoke

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Speaker 1: an unspoken thought, and he went on to develop it

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Speaker 1: to say, I grew up in a Midwestern rural town,

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Speaker 1: and the rules there are it's none of your business,

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Speaker 1: like don't get into my kid's bedroom, and don't get

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Speaker 1: into my sex life, don't get involved in my wife's

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Speaker 1: health care, don't tell my daughter what contraception she can use.

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Speaker 1: It's none of your business. And he really was able

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Speaker 1: to articulate that on a level that Kamala Harris, as

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Speaker 1: a West Coast liberal black woman, might feel a bit

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Speaker 1: remote to those people. But when he said that, I

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Speaker 1: think he compliments her really, really well.

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Speaker 2: It'll be interesting to see because to your point, Jesse,

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Speaker 2: about harnessing the attention economy, when Kamala was announced and

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Speaker 2: the coconut and all of that exit and the brat,

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Speaker 2: it was all organic and it's brilliant, and it seems

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Speaker 2: that this has also been organic. They're weird, right, But

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Speaker 2: if you're their campaign people, you are waiting for the

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Speaker 2: next one of those moments.

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Speaker 1: Right, because you want that next spike.

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Speaker 2: And the danger is if you start trying to engineer them, yes,

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Speaker 2: because as soon as you start trying to engineer them, Okay,

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Speaker 2: we had coconut that was great, organic, and then we've

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Speaker 2: got weird, what's next, That's where you can begin to

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Speaker 2: really fall over your feet. So I hope they've got

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Speaker 2: the smartest people around them who are going to be like,

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Speaker 2: let's not try too.

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Speaker 4: Hard to welcome the next vice president of the United States.

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Speaker 1: Every Tuesday and Thursday, we drop you Mum and Me

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Speaker 1: Are Out Loud. Just for Mum and Me are subscribers.

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Speaker 1: Follow the link in the show notes to get your

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Speaker 1: daily dose ab out Loud and a big thank you

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Speaker 1: to everyone who is already subscribed. Oh good vibes, great fight,

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Speaker 1: what a.

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Speaker 3: Great time friends. All is not well in the Olympic village.

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Speaker 3: And I worry. I've been worrying, and I'll tell you why.

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Speaker 3: A British swimmer named Adam Peaty said this week athletes

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Speaker 3: have been finding worms in their food. Oh dear, he said,

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Speaker 3: I like my fish and people are finding worms in

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Speaker 3: the fish. It's just not good enough the standard. We're

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Speaker 3: looking at the best of the best in the world,

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Speaker 3: and we're not feeding them the best. Why would they

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Speaker 3: be worms in the fish. I don't know a lot

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Speaker 3: about food, but I.

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Speaker 1: Don't know how you get worm in a fish. But

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Speaker 1: I was thinking maybe, because you know how I mentioned

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Speaker 1: that they've been trying to have more plant based, not

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Speaker 1: maybe worms compost because some people sea worms as a

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Speaker 1: source of protein. But I don't think that's what this is.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to give best intentions. I'm benifiting of the

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Speaker 1: doubt really hard here for the Olympic village.

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Speaker 3: Apparently the quality and quantity of the food isn't up

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Speaker 3: to scratch. Sixty percent of all meals are meatless, with

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Speaker 3: one third plant based. Pete says that there aren't enough

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Speaker 3: protein options and the cues are out of control, with

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Speaker 3: athletes waiting thirty minutes for a meal.

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Speaker 1: Have they found the muffins, yes, muffins. Have they been awakated?

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Speaker 3: It's interesting because in the pool they were saying like

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Speaker 3: there weren't that many world records. It apparently it was

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Speaker 3: like the depth of the pool, they said, But you know,

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Speaker 3: maybe it's the worms too. Maybe people aren't their best.

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Speaker 3: Apparently they also keep running out of eggs and chicken.

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Speaker 3: And I know nothing about anything, but I feel like

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Speaker 3: eggs and chicken are important for an athlete. Holly, your mate,

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Speaker 3: the Italian swimmer isn't loving the village either, is he.

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Speaker 2: Have you met Thomas Chechon. I have. He became viral

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Speaker 2: this week purely on the basis of being really hot

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Speaker 2: and as the hot men correspondent around here after one

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Speaker 2: day's clean pal segment, which I enjoyed way too much.

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Speaker 2: I don't I don't want to be creepy, like that

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Speaker 2: would be weird. He's also like young enough to be.

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Speaker 2: But there is a very handsome Italian swimmer Thomas.

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Speaker 1: Everybody's going, yeah, oh my goodness, that's a whole other story.

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Speaker 2: He is all over everything because he's very good looking,

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Speaker 2: casually shows. I mean, all swimmers show their apps and

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Speaker 2: their abs are amazing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's because I have to swim in a swimming pool.

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Speaker 2: But it's true. I've got this kind of lived in

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Speaker 2: slight circles under the eyes, scruffy vibe, and everybody loves

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Speaker 2: him anyway, Everybody loves him and then he was photographed

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Speaker 2: sleeping in a park after complaining about the conditions at

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Speaker 2: the village. We did discuss this that apparently the beds

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Speaker 2: are too hard to have sex on, which is a

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Speaker 2: problem that we're as hot as Thomas. No, I'm not

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Speaker 2: making any assumptions about what he's doing there, but a

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Speaker 2: rower took a video of him sleeping on a white

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Speaker 2: towel under a tree, and he did say that he

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Speaker 2: usually sleeps in the afternoon because he's Italian, right, and

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Speaker 2: that's Jillie, what you do. But he's struggling to rest

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Speaker 2: in the Olympic village, so he's just heading out and sleeping.

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Speaker 1: As a form of hot protest.

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Speaker 2: He says there's no air conditioning in the village, it's hot,

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Speaker 2: and the food is bad, as per yes story. So

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Speaker 2: now he's just out there. And the thing that I

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Speaker 2: like to imagine about this is that all the people

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Speaker 2: who saw that footage are just like patrolling the parks

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Speaker 2: of Paris hoping to stumble across a sleeping Italian swimmer

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Speaker 2: under a tree.

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00:21:35,127 --> 00:21:37,447
Speaker 1: Was he just a random park or was it within

436
00:21:37,487 --> 00:21:38,047
Speaker 1: the village.

437
00:21:38,207 --> 00:21:39,847
Speaker 2: I think it was a random park.

438
00:21:39,847 --> 00:21:42,007
Speaker 3: It was because it just seemed like a random person

439
00:21:42,047 --> 00:21:44,047
Speaker 3: photographed him and it was just he was.

440
00:21:44,007 --> 00:21:46,767
Speaker 2: Just being really beautiful, lying on the floor asleep. It's

441
00:21:46,847 --> 00:21:47,527
Speaker 2: very vulnerable.

442
00:21:48,247 --> 00:21:49,567
Speaker 1: He likes gardening like you.

443
00:21:49,807 --> 00:21:51,687
Speaker 2: He wanted to be close to the plan he.

444
00:21:51,687 --> 00:21:55,687
Speaker 3: Did on the Olympic village. There's another problem. Tokyo in

445
00:21:55,687 --> 00:21:58,727
Speaker 3: twenty twenty one was known as the COVID Olympics. But

446
00:21:58,887 --> 00:22:01,687
Speaker 3: Paris is where the virus has actually reaked a lot

447
00:22:01,727 --> 00:22:02,247
Speaker 3: of having it.

448
00:22:02,327 --> 00:22:04,367
Speaker 1: Do you know, out of like the I'd sort of

449
00:22:04,367 --> 00:22:06,447
Speaker 1: forgotten that there even was an Olympics, but it was

450
00:22:06,527 --> 00:22:08,647
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty one. Tokyo is determined to have it.

451
00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:11,567
Speaker 1: There were all the bio things. There were no spectators

452
00:22:11,607 --> 00:22:13,727
Speaker 1: yet to put on your own medal, everyone had to wear.

453
00:22:13,647 --> 00:22:15,847
Speaker 2: Masks to remember. We kept saying before it, we kept going,

454
00:22:15,847 --> 00:22:17,207
Speaker 2: they're going to cancel it. Of course they're going to

455
00:22:17,247 --> 00:22:18,687
Speaker 2: cancel it. How can they have the Olympics?

456
00:22:18,687 --> 00:22:20,887
Speaker 1: But they did, and out of like the five thousand

457
00:22:21,087 --> 00:22:24,727
Speaker 1: athletes that were there, there were only about fifty cases

458
00:22:24,807 --> 00:22:26,767
Speaker 1: or not even that many, and they were sent to

459
00:22:26,967 --> 00:22:28,967
Speaker 1: isolate in hospital and then they were sent home. So

460
00:22:29,367 --> 00:22:32,287
Speaker 1: in terms of bio hazards, it really wasn't one. They

461
00:22:32,327 --> 00:22:34,167
Speaker 1: managed it. Incredibly well well.

462
00:22:34,167 --> 00:22:36,567
Speaker 3: At least three members of the Australian swim team have

463
00:22:36,647 --> 00:22:39,087
Speaker 3: tested positive. Larnie Pallister had to pull out of the

464
00:22:39,127 --> 00:22:43,167
Speaker 3: fifteen hundred meters. A few athletes we know have competed

465
00:22:43,207 --> 00:22:47,167
Speaker 3: with the virus. One is a breaststroker and he was

466
00:22:47,207 --> 00:22:51,567
Speaker 3: expected to medal. And it's clear that it's affecting performance

467
00:22:51,647 --> 00:22:53,847
Speaker 3: that people who are competing with COVID are not at.

468
00:22:53,887 --> 00:22:56,527
Speaker 1: Except for the Australian gold medalist in BMX who had

469
00:22:56,527 --> 00:22:57,287
Speaker 1: COVID when she won.

470
00:22:57,367 --> 00:23:00,487
Speaker 3: To god, that's what I was going to say. Sayah Sakabara,

471
00:23:00,727 --> 00:23:04,167
Speaker 3: who won, as you say, Australia's first gold medal in BMX,

472
00:23:04,407 --> 00:23:06,487
Speaker 3: she had COVID at the start of her competition week

473
00:23:06,927 --> 00:23:09,087
Speaker 3: and then went on to bloody winner gold medal. And

474
00:23:09,367 --> 00:23:12,767
Speaker 3: five players in our water polo team also tested positive.

475
00:23:13,287 --> 00:23:15,447
Speaker 3: I thought it was interesting that the Olympics don't have

476
00:23:15,487 --> 00:23:21,647
Speaker 3: any rules about mandatory testing or you can't compete like

477
00:23:22,287 --> 00:23:25,247
Speaker 3: you're totally fine if you want to. As far as

478
00:23:25,247 --> 00:23:26,967
Speaker 3: I know, if you're a water polo player who has it,

479
00:23:27,047 --> 00:23:29,567
Speaker 3: which is quite a contact sport, you're good to go

480
00:23:29,647 --> 00:23:31,687
Speaker 3: and play, which is why I think it is going

481
00:23:32,167 --> 00:23:35,287
Speaker 3: rampant and for some village. Yeah, for some, I guess

482
00:23:35,287 --> 00:23:37,367
Speaker 3: symptoms are going to be not great. And then for

483
00:23:37,407 --> 00:23:39,927
Speaker 3: others they have anti virals and stuff on hand, so

484
00:23:39,967 --> 00:23:43,687
Speaker 3: they are recovering quite quickly. But I just keep thinking,

485
00:23:43,727 --> 00:23:45,967
Speaker 3: imagine that you've trained for four years and then you

486
00:23:46,007 --> 00:23:48,567
Speaker 3: get a positive just before you're fifteen hundred meter swim.

487
00:23:48,647 --> 00:23:51,527
Speaker 2: It's also setting the bar a bit high for those

488
00:23:51,567 --> 00:23:53,807
Speaker 2: of us who get sick and just want to go

489
00:23:53,847 --> 00:23:57,247
Speaker 2: to bed and don't want to be too flippant about

490
00:23:57,247 --> 00:23:59,167
Speaker 2: COVID because we know that for some people it's very

491
00:23:59,207 --> 00:24:01,167
Speaker 2: serious and you know all of those things you've got

492
00:24:01,167 --> 00:24:04,047
Speaker 2: to avoid infection. I think one of our gold relay

493
00:24:04,087 --> 00:24:09,327
Speaker 2: swimmers just had COVID and I was like, that's not fair, because.

494
00:24:09,367 --> 00:24:11,207
Speaker 3: Guys, it's really important to rest, and they're like, I'll

495
00:24:11,287 --> 00:24:12,127
Speaker 3: just do my real life.

496
00:24:12,247 --> 00:24:14,687
Speaker 1: I know, you know what. The most exciting news though,

497
00:24:14,847 --> 00:24:18,247
Speaker 1: coming out of Paris overnight, apart from the sighting of

498
00:24:18,287 --> 00:24:22,927
Speaker 1: the swimmer in the park, was Australian Arisa True, who

499
00:24:22,967 --> 00:24:26,047
Speaker 1: won Golden skateboarding. She's just fourteen and she's our youngest

500
00:24:26,087 --> 00:24:31,167
Speaker 1: ever gold medalist. Here's a little interview that she did afterwards.

501
00:24:31,367 --> 00:24:34,887
Speaker 1: I'm saying little because she sounds like a child, which

502
00:24:34,887 --> 00:24:38,087
Speaker 1: she is, and it's just an extraordinary achievement. Have a listen.

503
00:24:38,287 --> 00:24:41,087
Speaker 5: Started skateboarding when I was like eight years old, and

504
00:24:41,127 --> 00:24:43,087
Speaker 5: it was because, like I surfed a lot, and I

505
00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:46,127
Speaker 5: still do surf so much now and I have time.

506
00:24:46,487 --> 00:24:49,407
Speaker 5: But in winter it just got too cold, so my

507
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:51,367
Speaker 5: dad took me to the skate park and then I

508
00:24:51,407 --> 00:24:53,567
Speaker 5: just started skating, and I just loved it. From them,

509
00:24:53,847 --> 00:24:56,407
Speaker 5: it was just lots of fun and challenging and just

510
00:24:56,447 --> 00:25:00,327
Speaker 5: something to do after school. Like when I started skateboarding,

511
00:25:00,367 --> 00:25:02,727
Speaker 5: there wasn't a lot of girl skaters around my age,

512
00:25:02,767 --> 00:25:06,367
Speaker 5: so I just like skated with like most of the boys.

513
00:25:06,407 --> 00:25:08,927
Speaker 1: More thank you to Rye for that audio. And then

514
00:25:08,967 --> 00:25:11,407
Speaker 1: she's more girls came and started skating when she was

515
00:25:11,447 --> 00:25:14,647
Speaker 1: about ten. What an inspiration And how many girls are

516
00:25:14,687 --> 00:25:18,487
Speaker 1: going to be skateboarding now? How many boys? But like,

517
00:25:19,247 --> 00:25:21,727
Speaker 1: very very impressive. She achieved a top scoring run of

518
00:25:21,807 --> 00:25:24,847
Speaker 1: ninety three point one point eight in the final. Undescribed

519
00:25:24,847 --> 00:25:28,207
Speaker 1: the experience as super cool. Interestingly, so you get three runs.

520
00:25:28,527 --> 00:25:32,247
Speaker 1: She fell on her first run and she just kept going.

521
00:25:32,287 --> 00:25:34,087
Speaker 1: It's so funny watching the skateboarding. I was watching it

522
00:25:34,127 --> 00:25:38,727
Speaker 1: last night. Every sport has a very different esthetic. As

523
00:25:38,727 --> 00:25:41,287
Speaker 1: you would say, ole, the competitors tend to look the

524
00:25:41,327 --> 00:25:45,567
Speaker 1: same way, which is very distinctive tribal. So with the skaters,

525
00:25:46,007 --> 00:25:49,447
Speaker 1: they all wear these really cool clothes. Most of all

526
00:25:49,487 --> 00:25:51,967
Speaker 1: the girls have really long straight hair because it's kind

527
00:25:51,967 --> 00:25:54,967
Speaker 1: of like surfing culture. They're just really good.

528
00:25:55,087 --> 00:25:56,407
Speaker 3: I turned it on once there was a guy with

529
00:25:56,487 --> 00:25:58,767
Speaker 3: backwards cap. He just fell off his skateboard for fifteen minutes,

530
00:25:58,807 --> 00:25:59,967
Speaker 3: and I was like, I could watch.

531
00:25:59,807 --> 00:26:03,847
Speaker 1: This A lot of the skate with headphones or AirPods

532
00:26:03,887 --> 00:26:06,207
Speaker 1: in and listened to music really loudly when they do it.

533
00:26:06,247 --> 00:26:08,847
Speaker 1: Same with the BMX riders. Really interesting.

534
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:12,727
Speaker 3: You are still interested in the Olympics and you can't

535
00:26:12,767 --> 00:26:14,967
Speaker 3: get enough. Can I just do a quick pug for

536
00:26:14,967 --> 00:26:18,327
Speaker 3: this week's episode of Canceled, which is all about the Olympics,

537
00:26:18,447 --> 00:26:22,247
Speaker 3: is about all the sex, It's about the wedspot, It's

538
00:26:22,287 --> 00:26:24,207
Speaker 3: about what is and isn't allowed, the things that have

539
00:26:24,287 --> 00:26:27,287
Speaker 3: been canceled. It's a lot of fun. We'll link to

540
00:26:27,287 --> 00:26:31,087
Speaker 3: that now show notes before we go to our third segment.

541
00:26:31,767 --> 00:26:34,487
Speaker 3: Are you too aware that Claara and I personally giving

542
00:26:34,527 --> 00:26:35,847
Speaker 3: away a holiday to Turkey.

543
00:26:36,007 --> 00:26:38,807
Speaker 1: Stop lying that feels like too much work for you.

544
00:26:38,807 --> 00:26:41,287
Speaker 2: You're really not okay, someone else?

545
00:26:41,327 --> 00:26:42,007
Speaker 1: Can we have it?

546
00:26:42,487 --> 00:26:47,487
Speaker 3: Okay? So well you two can. Are you subscribers, yes, okay,

547
00:26:47,567 --> 00:26:50,087
Speaker 3: well then you can CLAIREA and I as part of

548
00:26:50,287 --> 00:26:54,247
Speaker 3: Lazy Girl Giveaways. I must say there are clever, organized

549
00:26:54,287 --> 00:26:56,727
Speaker 3: people who do a lot of the work behind the scenes,

550
00:26:56,767 --> 00:26:59,887
Speaker 3: but Claire and I are really enthusiastic about it. They

551
00:26:59,927 --> 00:27:03,007
Speaker 3: have organized a tripped Turkey with Explore Worldwide. It is

552
00:27:03,087 --> 00:27:06,967
Speaker 3: valued over nine thousand dollars amazing and if you win,

553
00:27:07,327 --> 00:27:09,727
Speaker 3: then you get to go with a friend. I love

554
00:27:09,767 --> 00:27:12,447
Speaker 3: how it says friend. Nowhere does it say partner. Everyone's

555
00:27:12,487 --> 00:27:13,567
Speaker 3: like no, no, no, she's kay.

556
00:27:13,607 --> 00:27:13,807
Speaker 1: Threat.

557
00:27:14,367 --> 00:27:16,487
Speaker 3: The whole thing is planned for you, so you don't

558
00:27:16,527 --> 00:27:18,007
Speaker 3: have to do any of the organizing.

559
00:27:18,127 --> 00:27:19,367
Speaker 1: It's greatful. Lazy Girls.

560
00:27:19,447 --> 00:27:20,487
Speaker 3: Have you guys been to Turkey?

561
00:27:20,607 --> 00:27:20,767
Speaker 1: No?

562
00:27:21,127 --> 00:27:21,847
Speaker 2: I have.

563
00:27:22,127 --> 00:27:24,687
Speaker 3: I beautiful loved it. It's one of my favorite places.

564
00:27:24,727 --> 00:27:28,007
Speaker 3: I can't wait to go back. Entering couldn't be easier.

565
00:27:28,247 --> 00:27:30,687
Speaker 3: If you are a mum and maya subscriber, then you

566
00:27:30,727 --> 00:27:34,167
Speaker 3: are already in the running. And if you are not yet,

567
00:27:34,487 --> 00:27:36,967
Speaker 3: then I have a code for you. It is Vaca

568
00:27:37,207 --> 00:27:40,927
Speaker 3: twenty and you get twenty percent off a yearly subscription.

569
00:27:41,407 --> 00:27:44,167
Speaker 3: The prize is drawn on the twentieth August, which is

570
00:27:44,167 --> 00:27:46,367
Speaker 3: what a couple of weeks or something. A link to

571
00:27:46,567 --> 00:27:49,327
Speaker 3: enter and the discount code is in the show notes.

572
00:27:49,687 --> 00:27:51,927
Speaker 3: Teas and c's a play.

573
00:27:53,087 --> 00:27:55,367
Speaker 2: So you've got a big decision to make or you've

574
00:27:55,407 --> 00:27:57,487
Speaker 2: got major life news to share.

575
00:27:57,487 --> 00:27:58,727
Speaker 1: Who do you talk to about it?

576
00:27:58,767 --> 00:28:00,647
Speaker 2: Look, if you're Melinda Gates, you sit down with Oprah

577
00:28:00,687 --> 00:28:04,287
Speaker 2: Winfrey and Gail kingan ab chat. This story I came

578
00:28:04,327 --> 00:28:07,447
Speaker 2: across it on Instagram, this little snippet of an interview

579
00:28:07,567 --> 00:28:09,447
Speaker 2: that Melinda Gates, wo's one of the richest women in

580
00:28:09,447 --> 00:28:11,487
Speaker 2: the world, used to be married to Bill Gates, and

581
00:28:11,487 --> 00:28:13,247
Speaker 2: we've talked about her a lot, and about how she's

582
00:28:13,287 --> 00:28:15,407
Speaker 2: a billionaire who puts some money where her mouth is

583
00:28:15,807 --> 00:28:19,927
Speaker 2: funds a lot of really important causes around the world. Anyway,

584
00:28:20,047 --> 00:28:22,327
Speaker 2: she sat down with Oprah and Gail for like a

585
00:28:22,407 --> 00:28:25,967
Speaker 2: kind of nauseating but also awesome chat about life. And

586
00:28:25,967 --> 00:28:28,927
Speaker 2: one of the things she said was about her girlfriends

587
00:28:29,087 --> 00:28:31,607
Speaker 2: who she listens to when she's got a big decision

588
00:28:31,687 --> 00:28:32,007
Speaker 2: to make.

589
00:28:32,367 --> 00:28:35,767
Speaker 4: Here's what she said, I've been lucky enough incredibly lucky

590
00:28:35,847 --> 00:28:40,047
Speaker 4: to have three female friends now for over thirty years.

591
00:28:40,367 --> 00:28:43,727
Speaker 4: Wow wow three two of them over thirty five years.

592
00:28:43,807 --> 00:28:46,127
Speaker 4: One of them lost her husband in our thirties. He

593
00:28:46,207 --> 00:28:51,247
Speaker 4: was my good friend. We walk every every Monday morning,

594
00:28:51,527 --> 00:28:54,727
Speaker 4: so if you're in town, you walk. They are my

595
00:28:55,087 --> 00:28:58,327
Speaker 4: truth counsel. Whenever I'm going to make a really hard

596
00:28:58,367 --> 00:29:01,567
Speaker 4: decision or make a big transition, I know I have

597
00:29:01,647 --> 00:29:03,287
Speaker 4: to have the courage to tell them.

598
00:29:03,367 --> 00:29:04,447
Speaker 1: They're your kitchen cabinet.

599
00:29:04,447 --> 00:29:07,167
Speaker 4: There are my kitchen cabinet, and they're honest with me.

600
00:29:07,367 --> 00:29:10,967
Speaker 2: Yes, and Melinda, if it's something that you don't want

601
00:29:11,007 --> 00:29:13,247
Speaker 2: to tell them, because I've had things I'm not going

602
00:29:13,287 --> 00:29:13,647
Speaker 2: to tell her.

603
00:29:13,607 --> 00:29:14,967
Speaker 1: Because I know what she's going to say, then you

604
00:29:15,007 --> 00:29:17,607
Speaker 1: know that's wrong. I really need to tell you.

605
00:29:20,167 --> 00:29:21,887
Speaker 2: Yes, there's been times I go, I'm not going to

606
00:29:21,967 --> 00:29:23,687
Speaker 2: tell her because I know what he's going to say.

607
00:29:24,527 --> 00:29:26,007
Speaker 1: That's when you should know that.

608
00:29:25,847 --> 00:29:27,207
Speaker 2: That's not the right decision.

609
00:29:27,207 --> 00:29:28,487
Speaker 1: Time you have to tell me.

610
00:29:29,927 --> 00:29:33,847
Speaker 2: I recognize this immediately because I'm always sharing my deepest

611
00:29:33,847 --> 00:29:35,807
Speaker 2: thoughts with Oprah and Gail as well. It's just they

612
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:38,367
Speaker 2: don't talk back to me. It's the news or the

613
00:29:38,407 --> 00:29:41,007
Speaker 2: decision that you don't want to tell some of your

614
00:29:41,047 --> 00:29:45,087
Speaker 2: closest friends about because you know what they'll say and

615
00:29:45,127 --> 00:29:48,367
Speaker 2: what that then says about what you think you should do.

616
00:29:48,487 --> 00:29:50,967
Speaker 2: Did it resonate with you, Miya? Who's in your kitchen cabinet?

617
00:29:51,247 --> 00:29:55,567
Speaker 1: I had a slightly different take in that sometimes I'll

618
00:29:55,607 --> 00:29:58,887
Speaker 1: be wrestling with something and I'll have to think about

619
00:29:58,927 --> 00:30:02,287
Speaker 1: which of my friends I tell because I kind of

620
00:30:02,367 --> 00:30:03,247
Speaker 1: know their point.

621
00:30:03,047 --> 00:30:04,927
Speaker 3: Of view, and you want them to agree with you.

622
00:30:05,007 --> 00:30:09,527
Speaker 3: For example, if no, or you know their expertise, maybe.

623
00:30:09,487 --> 00:30:11,887
Speaker 1: No, it's almost the opposite of that. It's because I

624
00:30:11,967 --> 00:30:14,767
Speaker 1: don't necessarily want them to agree with me. But I

625
00:30:14,887 --> 00:30:17,287
Speaker 1: know this is why therapy is so good, because I

626
00:30:17,367 --> 00:30:20,047
Speaker 1: know they'll bring their point of view to it, which

627
00:30:20,087 --> 00:30:24,207
Speaker 1: sometimes you really want. But other times, like for example,

628
00:30:24,327 --> 00:30:27,047
Speaker 1: if you're going through a rough patch in your relationship

629
00:30:27,687 --> 00:30:31,207
Speaker 1: and I talk to my divorced friends, I don't want

630
00:30:31,207 --> 00:30:32,807
Speaker 1: them to be or like, oh, well, you know you

631
00:30:32,847 --> 00:30:35,487
Speaker 1: should not that they necessarily say that, but I know

632
00:30:35,647 --> 00:30:40,207
Speaker 1: that their lens on marriage is pretty negative in many cases,

633
00:30:40,487 --> 00:30:42,407
Speaker 1: so I find that. And then also there's something about

634
00:30:42,407 --> 00:30:45,247
Speaker 1: there are certain things that don't feel real until you

635
00:30:45,287 --> 00:30:48,887
Speaker 1: tell people. Feels like a yeah, once I say it

636
00:30:48,887 --> 00:30:51,927
Speaker 1: out loud to these important people who know me really well,

637
00:30:52,087 --> 00:30:53,287
Speaker 1: I can't unsay it.

638
00:30:53,847 --> 00:30:56,007
Speaker 3: The idea that not being able to tell them, or

639
00:30:56,047 --> 00:30:59,887
Speaker 3: being apprehensive to tell them is some kind of test

640
00:31:00,607 --> 00:31:03,727
Speaker 3: for the quality of a decision, I think is very true.

641
00:31:03,847 --> 00:31:04,447
Speaker 1: I do too.

642
00:31:05,327 --> 00:31:10,087
Speaker 3: I often have either omitted or lie to people in

643
00:31:10,127 --> 00:31:13,807
Speaker 3: my life about a decision that I made because, and

644
00:31:13,847 --> 00:31:17,367
Speaker 3: specifically these decisions are around they think I'm being taken

645
00:31:17,407 --> 00:31:21,247
Speaker 3: advantage of. They think that I'm being exploited, and that

646
00:31:21,327 --> 00:31:25,887
Speaker 3: someone's asking for something ridiculous. I can't say no. I'm

647
00:31:25,927 --> 00:31:28,487
Speaker 3: ashamed of how I can't say no. So I go

648
00:31:28,527 --> 00:31:31,367
Speaker 3: and do this which I shouldn't do, and then someone

649
00:31:31,367 --> 00:31:33,327
Speaker 3: will say you didn't do that, did you, And I'll.

650
00:31:33,207 --> 00:31:34,807
Speaker 1: Go no, no, no, no, no, I didn't do.

651
00:31:34,767 --> 00:31:38,167
Speaker 3: That because I don't. I don't want the compounding shame

652
00:31:38,247 --> 00:31:42,807
Speaker 3: that I already feel. I also had it with relationships,

653
00:31:42,967 --> 00:31:46,447
Speaker 3: like I would be with someone who treated me really badly.

654
00:31:46,487 --> 00:31:49,287
Speaker 3: We weren't in a relationship according to them, but I

655
00:31:49,327 --> 00:31:53,087
Speaker 3: would be seeing them they treated me really badly, and

656
00:31:53,127 --> 00:31:55,287
Speaker 3: then they might send a message and go, do you

657
00:31:55,327 --> 00:31:56,807
Speaker 3: want to hang out on Saturday night? And I will

658
00:31:56,807 --> 00:31:59,127
Speaker 3: look at that and go, yes, I'm not telling a

659
00:31:59,287 --> 00:32:01,687
Speaker 3: soul that I'm hanging out with them, And in my head,

660
00:32:01,687 --> 00:32:05,127
Speaker 3: I'm going, I'll wait for things to get better and

661
00:32:05,247 --> 00:32:10,007
Speaker 3: great until we're basically like normal again, until I have

662
00:32:10,127 --> 00:32:13,567
Speaker 3: the guts to tell my friends, which inevitably didn't happen.

663
00:32:13,607 --> 00:32:17,167
Speaker 3: They just hurt me in new and insulting ways and

664
00:32:17,247 --> 00:32:18,767
Speaker 3: then and no one to tell.

665
00:32:19,087 --> 00:32:20,807
Speaker 1: You know the other reason that's a red flag And

666
00:32:20,847 --> 00:32:23,807
Speaker 1: you're saying that has made me suddenly remember when I

667
00:32:23,887 --> 00:32:27,647
Speaker 1: was in an emotionally abusive relationship, I hid that from everybody.

668
00:32:27,727 --> 00:32:32,087
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I hid it because I wanted to protect him.

669
00:32:32,207 --> 00:32:35,767
Speaker 1: This is why abusive relationships are so insidious, because the

670
00:32:35,847 --> 00:32:40,167
Speaker 1: first step to them is isolating you from people, so that, weirdly,

671
00:32:40,607 --> 00:32:42,927
Speaker 1: I didn't want the people who were close to me

672
00:32:43,047 --> 00:32:45,647
Speaker 1: to think badly of him. Yeah, that's how it messed

673
00:32:45,647 --> 00:32:46,407
Speaker 1: with my yese.

674
00:32:46,447 --> 00:32:49,327
Speaker 3: But I also think there's another element, which is you

675
00:32:49,367 --> 00:32:52,087
Speaker 3: don't want them to think badly of you because you're

676
00:32:52,167 --> 00:32:55,567
Speaker 3: embarrassed because some part of you knows that you shouldn't

677
00:32:55,567 --> 00:32:56,287
Speaker 3: be accepting this.

678
00:32:56,647 --> 00:32:58,887
Speaker 1: And if someone else told you that story about them,

679
00:32:58,927 --> 00:33:00,447
Speaker 1: you'd say get out, Yeah, like.

680
00:33:00,367 --> 00:33:01,047
Speaker 3: What's wrong with you.

681
00:33:01,207 --> 00:33:03,207
Speaker 2: Yeah, because what this is really about is who you

682
00:33:03,207 --> 00:33:07,207
Speaker 2: can be really honest with, right and ideally you've got

683
00:33:07,247 --> 00:33:09,687
Speaker 2: someone in your life who you could tell anything, and

684
00:33:09,767 --> 00:33:11,887
Speaker 2: they could tell you their honest opinion and it would

685
00:33:11,927 --> 00:33:13,287
Speaker 2: be all right, you know what I mean. So if

686
00:33:13,327 --> 00:33:15,287
Speaker 2: you go, I'm going back to him, you know, in

687
00:33:15,327 --> 00:33:17,567
Speaker 2: that example, and I've been there too, one hundred percent,

688
00:33:18,207 --> 00:33:20,567
Speaker 2: and they go, well, you shouldn't do that, and you go, well,

689
00:33:20,607 --> 00:33:22,847
Speaker 2: I'm doing it anyway. But you know we're all going

690
00:33:22,887 --> 00:33:24,007
Speaker 2: to get through this, do you know what I mean.

691
00:33:24,007 --> 00:33:25,967
Speaker 2: They'll still be there next time you turn up at

692
00:33:26,007 --> 00:33:29,247
Speaker 2: their door crying and needing cake or whatever. I think

693
00:33:29,287 --> 00:33:32,487
Speaker 2: it's a good filter, what Melinda says, for when you're

694
00:33:32,487 --> 00:33:34,807
Speaker 2: wrestling with a decision and you think, how will this

695
00:33:34,967 --> 00:33:37,567
Speaker 2: feel when I tell people? And then if you've got

696
00:33:37,567 --> 00:33:40,647
Speaker 2: the people in your head who love you and who

697
00:33:40,687 --> 00:33:43,647
Speaker 2: have your back, and that's really important, like because as

698
00:33:43,687 --> 00:33:46,087
Speaker 2: you say, me, and we know, friends different filters. And

699
00:33:46,127 --> 00:33:48,207
Speaker 2: I've got some friends who are great for work advice,

700
00:33:48,447 --> 00:33:50,567
Speaker 2: some friends who are great for a relationship advice, some

701
00:33:50,607 --> 00:33:53,087
Speaker 2: friends who are great for parenting advice, and so you

702
00:33:53,127 --> 00:33:55,567
Speaker 2: might select them that way. But you've got some people

703
00:33:55,607 --> 00:33:57,927
Speaker 2: in your life who you know you can trust their

704
00:33:58,007 --> 00:34:00,047
Speaker 2: judgment one hundred percent. They don't have baggage. They're not

705
00:34:00,127 --> 00:34:02,327
Speaker 2: going to try and steer you in a direction that

706
00:34:02,367 --> 00:34:04,847
Speaker 2: will make them feel better about themselves or whatever. But

707
00:34:04,927 --> 00:34:07,327
Speaker 2: if you imagine how will it feel when I say

708
00:34:07,327 --> 00:34:10,607
Speaker 2: this out loud and you'd I know, you'll be embarrassed,

709
00:34:11,287 --> 00:34:12,647
Speaker 2: it's a really good flag.

710
00:34:13,047 --> 00:34:17,367
Speaker 1: When I eventually did tell my friends and my parents

711
00:34:17,607 --> 00:34:21,687
Speaker 1: about this relationship, it was after two years, and it

712
00:34:21,727 --> 00:34:24,607
Speaker 1: was when I needed some help to go, not some

713
00:34:24,687 --> 00:34:28,767
Speaker 1: actual physical help, but I also wanted to burn the

714
00:34:28,767 --> 00:34:30,687
Speaker 1: bridge behind me a little bit. And I knew that

715
00:34:30,767 --> 00:34:34,487
Speaker 1: once I told them, they couldn't unknow what I had

716
00:34:34,487 --> 00:34:37,647
Speaker 1: told them, and so they would. I can't say they

717
00:34:37,687 --> 00:34:39,567
Speaker 1: wouldn't let me go back, but it would be very

718
00:34:39,567 --> 00:34:41,567
Speaker 1: difficult for me to go back. So I almost did

719
00:34:41,607 --> 00:34:44,687
Speaker 1: it as a way to bolster myself and immunize myself

720
00:34:44,727 --> 00:34:47,567
Speaker 1: against that decision. I have a group chat of girlfriends

721
00:34:47,767 --> 00:34:50,207
Speaker 1: back to what you said, Jesse, about when your friends

722
00:34:50,287 --> 00:34:53,607
Speaker 1: know you're doing the wrong thing. We all have trouble

723
00:34:53,687 --> 00:34:56,647
Speaker 1: with saying yes to things that we don't want to do,

724
00:34:56,807 --> 00:35:00,847
Speaker 1: like you say, right, So in this group, we all

725
00:35:00,927 --> 00:35:04,247
Speaker 1: bolster each other and we have to confess when we've

726
00:35:04,687 --> 00:35:09,567
Speaker 1: agreed to something. We have to preemptively confess wh agreed

727
00:35:09,607 --> 00:35:10,487
Speaker 1: to something.

728
00:35:10,567 --> 00:35:12,727
Speaker 3: That's funny, Yeah, good idea.

729
00:35:12,367 --> 00:35:15,007
Speaker 1: And we all hold ourself accountable. And then we also

730
00:35:15,327 --> 00:35:17,487
Speaker 1: so we don't wobble when we're asked to do something

731
00:35:17,527 --> 00:35:19,487
Speaker 1: that we don't want to do we can't do, We'll

732
00:35:19,487 --> 00:35:21,807
Speaker 1: put it to the group and then the group will go,

733
00:35:22,087 --> 00:35:24,087
Speaker 1: you cannot, and so it's like okay, and the group

734
00:35:24,127 --> 00:35:25,887
Speaker 1: will help us formulate the response.

735
00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:28,767
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, I had something the other day that I

736
00:35:28,847 --> 00:35:33,047
Speaker 3: was asked to do something that was so manipulative. My

737
00:35:33,127 --> 00:35:35,607
Speaker 3: instinct would have been to just I don't know, do it.

738
00:35:36,087 --> 00:35:38,567
Speaker 3: Luca was this. He just went oh no, and like

739
00:35:38,687 --> 00:35:42,327
Speaker 3: just had the answer so quickly. Yeah, And I was like, oh,

740
00:35:42,367 --> 00:35:45,407
Speaker 3: that's the decision made for me. But I also think

741
00:35:45,927 --> 00:35:49,407
Speaker 3: that there's something about the walking part. Yeah, walking with

742
00:35:49,527 --> 00:35:54,127
Speaker 3: friends is absolutely ace. Yeah, it's very different to sitting

743
00:35:54,127 --> 00:35:57,167
Speaker 3: and having a coffee or having a really intense meal.

744
00:35:57,327 --> 00:36:00,207
Speaker 3: You can feel quite confronting then, yeah, but when you walk,

745
00:36:00,607 --> 00:36:02,167
Speaker 3: you don't have to look each other in the eye

746
00:36:02,447 --> 00:36:07,047
Speaker 3: and you can meander go in different directions. There's silence,

747
00:36:07,207 --> 00:36:09,767
Speaker 3: there's things to look at. I just think it's way

748
00:36:09,807 --> 00:36:12,367
Speaker 3: better context sometimes to have heavy conversations.

749
00:36:12,767 --> 00:36:15,927
Speaker 2: I'm just imagining Melinda and her girlfriends for a start.

750
00:36:15,967 --> 00:36:17,727
Speaker 2: I want to know who they are, who she walks

751
00:36:17,767 --> 00:36:18,687
Speaker 2: with every Monday.

752
00:36:18,447 --> 00:36:20,207
Speaker 3: And if they if she talked to them about Bill,

753
00:36:20,447 --> 00:36:20,847
Speaker 3: she must.

754
00:36:21,287 --> 00:36:23,967
Speaker 2: I absolutely loved how she goes if you're in town

755
00:36:24,087 --> 00:36:26,207
Speaker 2: because like properly rich people, they could be in one

756
00:36:26,247 --> 00:36:30,367
Speaker 2: of their many residentss no, no, but she is. So

757
00:36:30,487 --> 00:36:33,607
Speaker 2: if you're in town, you're walking, and I want to

758
00:36:33,687 --> 00:36:35,647
Speaker 2: know the kind of things that she needs to tell

759
00:36:35,647 --> 00:36:38,207
Speaker 2: them about. I want to give a billion dollars to

760
00:36:38,807 --> 00:36:39,607
Speaker 2: Harry and Megan.

761
00:36:39,647 --> 00:36:42,087
Speaker 1: No no, no, no no no, no, no no, don't do that.

762
00:36:42,327 --> 00:36:46,207
Speaker 1: I'm about trying to eradicate malaria in Africa.

763
00:36:46,367 --> 00:36:48,367
Speaker 3: So great, that's a good idea.

764
00:36:48,567 --> 00:36:49,047
Speaker 1: We're here.

765
00:36:49,287 --> 00:36:52,207
Speaker 2: I want to know who's in out Louder's kitchen cabinet, Like,

766
00:36:52,287 --> 00:36:54,687
Speaker 2: what's the criteria for it? Because, as I say, I

767
00:36:54,687 --> 00:36:57,967
Speaker 2: think one of my criteria for real honesty is you

768
00:36:58,487 --> 00:37:00,167
Speaker 2: have a friend who you can be really honest with.

769
00:37:00,207 --> 00:37:03,287
Speaker 2: But you know that's because they'll always be there for you, right,

770
00:37:03,407 --> 00:37:05,967
Speaker 2: That's very important. If they're going to get offended. If

771
00:37:06,047 --> 00:37:08,567
Speaker 2: you do the opposite of what they say, then they

772
00:37:08,567 --> 00:37:12,807
Speaker 2: can't be in the out Louders.

773
00:37:12,927 --> 00:37:18,487
Speaker 1: On our subscriber episode yesterday, I spoke quite candidly about

774
00:37:18,487 --> 00:37:22,647
Speaker 1: my revelations around ADHD and food. It relates to my

775
00:37:23,087 --> 00:37:28,447
Speaker 1: quest for a new lunch. It's about food hyperfixation. It's

776
00:37:28,487 --> 00:37:31,887
Speaker 1: clearly sparked a massive chord. The out Louders Facebook group

777
00:37:31,927 --> 00:37:34,047
Speaker 1: has gone off, a lot of people saying it was

778
00:37:34,047 --> 00:37:36,967
Speaker 1: in a harm over for them or telling their own stories.

779
00:37:37,487 --> 00:37:39,167
Speaker 1: We will put a link in the show notes if

780
00:37:39,167 --> 00:37:41,847
Speaker 1: you want to have a listen to that episode, I

781
00:37:41,927 --> 00:37:42,927
Speaker 1: highly recommend it.

782
00:37:43,047 --> 00:37:45,047
Speaker 2: Out Louder stop telling me I watch to have for lunch.

783
00:37:45,847 --> 00:37:47,127
Speaker 2: It doesn't work that way.

784
00:37:47,247 --> 00:37:48,767
Speaker 1: She has to.

785
00:37:48,967 --> 00:37:50,767
Speaker 2: Imprint on her next lunch.

786
00:37:50,487 --> 00:37:52,087
Speaker 1: By herself, Sarah Juny.

787
00:37:52,327 --> 00:37:55,847
Speaker 2: She has to stumble into the next bread goood of

788
00:37:55,927 --> 00:38:01,967
Speaker 2: her own, free will, true English muffins. That is all

789
00:38:01,967 --> 00:38:04,607
Speaker 2: we've got time for today are massive. Thank you to

790
00:38:04,767 --> 00:38:07,167
Speaker 2: all of you out Louders for listening to our show

791
00:38:07,207 --> 00:38:09,807
Speaker 2: today and every day, and to our five those teams

792
00:38:09,807 --> 00:38:11,527
Speaker 2: are putting it together. We're going to be back in.

793
00:38:11,487 --> 00:38:12,247
Speaker 1: Your ears tomorrow.

794
00:38:12,327 --> 00:38:13,367
Speaker 3: Bye bye.

795
00:38:14,367 --> 00:38:17,247
Speaker 2: Shout out to any Mamma Mia subscribers listening. If you

796
00:38:17,407 --> 00:38:20,287
Speaker 2: love the show and you want to support us, subscribing

797
00:38:20,287 --> 00:38:22,727
Speaker 2: to Mamma Mia is the very best way to do it.

798
00:38:22,927 --> 00:38:24,807
Speaker 2: There's a link in the episode description