WEBVTT - The First Time 0:00:10.888 --> 0:00:14.648 You're listening to a Mother and Me podcast. Muma Me 0:00:14.848 --> 0:00:17.768 acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters. 0:00:17.848 --> 0:00:19.608 This podcast is recorded on. 0:00:19.688 --> 0:00:23.328 This episode deals with discussions and depictions of mental ill health. 0:00:23.448 --> 0:00:33.568 Listener discretion is advised. What makes a perfect partner? Does 0:00:33.608 --> 0:00:36.128 the person you meet, catch feelings for and see life 0:00:36.128 --> 0:00:38.528 with have to be perfect from the start, or do 0:00:38.568 --> 0:00:42.008 you look at potential imperfections and think I can fix them, 0:00:42.248 --> 0:00:45.367 especially when said imperfections are ones you've dealt with yourself. 0:00:45.728 --> 0:00:49.727 There's someone who has some shared experiences. I've been able 0:00:49.768 --> 0:00:51.928 to create mar own tools to move past a lot 0:00:51.968 --> 0:00:55.288 of those feelings. So maybe I have to role model 0:00:55.808 --> 0:00:58.288 some of that to him first and meet him halfway, 0:00:58.408 --> 0:01:00.488 So get him to a point where he's comfortable and 0:01:00.528 --> 0:01:03.168 confident enough in me to be able to support him 0:01:03.168 --> 0:01:06.728 through some of those challenges that he's facing. So I 0:01:06.728 --> 0:01:08.648 think I really related to some of what he was 0:01:08.688 --> 0:01:12.208 saying and thought, my goodness, this could really be something 0:01:12.408 --> 0:01:13.848 if I can help him through this. 0:01:14.648 --> 0:01:16.968 That's Jen. She's what we call a fixer. 0:01:17.248 --> 0:01:19.888 The connection she had with Steve was strong enough that 0:01:19.968 --> 0:01:22.888 what others might perceive as red flags, she saw as 0:01:22.928 --> 0:01:26.087 things they could overcome together, no matter what it took. 0:01:26.448 --> 0:01:29.008 But the problem with fixes is that they often failed 0:01:29.008 --> 0:01:31.528 to see what they're losing in themselves in trying to 0:01:31.568 --> 0:01:32.488 help the other person. 0:01:32.968 --> 0:01:34.447 If he was mad at me, then I would just 0:01:34.448 --> 0:01:36.848 feel really crappy for the rest of the day, and 0:01:36.928 --> 0:01:39.208 I would then do everything I could to try to 0:01:39.528 --> 0:01:42.368 make it up to him, because I could see that 0:01:42.408 --> 0:01:44.328 he was spending a lot of time on me, and 0:01:44.368 --> 0:01:46.768 I could see that it might stop him from doing 0:01:46.808 --> 0:01:49.288 those things. And that's the challenge that you're just like, 0:01:49.328 --> 0:01:50.208 but it could get better. 0:01:59.768 --> 0:02:02.488 I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an X. 0:02:02.608 --> 0:02:04.808 Come with me as we dive into a collection of 0:02:04.928 --> 0:02:09.168 unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 0:02:09.248 --> 0:02:12.408 hearts of the very people who lived them. Jen was 0:02:12.448 --> 0:02:15.608 twenty five when this story begins. She'd always been a 0:02:15.608 --> 0:02:18.528 good student, kept her head down and worked hard, and 0:02:18.568 --> 0:02:20.848 a good daughter. She'd lived at home with her parents 0:02:20.848 --> 0:02:23.288 and never went off the rails or brought any boys home. 0:02:23.608 --> 0:02:25.848 But now she was finished her studies and was all 0:02:25.888 --> 0:02:28.568 grown up. It was time to spread her wings. 0:02:28.968 --> 0:02:32.488 I had just moved out with my two best friends. 0:02:33.008 --> 0:02:36.368 We'd moved into a townhouse together. I just started my 0:02:36.528 --> 0:02:39.007 first job out of UNI, so it all kind of 0:02:39.048 --> 0:02:41.088 felt like my life was starting to head into that 0:02:41.168 --> 0:02:44.208 adult state and I was like, awesome, well, I'm. 0:02:44.128 --> 0:02:45.008 Living out of home now. 0:02:45.088 --> 0:02:47.688 Now it's probably time to date because if I have to, 0:02:47.808 --> 0:02:50.488 can have people come back. I was probably more focused 0:02:50.528 --> 0:02:53.648 on studies, but I'd always see all of my friends 0:02:53.648 --> 0:02:55.608 around me in relationships and I'll be like, yes, sir, 0:02:55.888 --> 0:02:57.888 I want that, but I also want to have. 0:02:57.888 --> 0:02:59.048 That with the right person. 0:02:59.568 --> 0:03:01.528 So it'd always kind of just be like they like me, 0:03:01.608 --> 0:03:03.888 but I didn't like them, and vice versa. But I 0:03:03.888 --> 0:03:05.848 think moving out of home, I was like, I feel 0:03:05.848 --> 0:03:08.768 like I'm ready to explore a different part of my 0:03:08.848 --> 0:03:12.128 life now and see what happened. So it was an 0:03:12.168 --> 0:03:14.688 exciting time. Both of my two best friends they had 0:03:14.728 --> 0:03:17.488 just broken up out of their long term relationships as well, 0:03:17.768 --> 0:03:20.808 so we were all almost doing this online dating stuff. 0:03:20.928 --> 0:03:24.008 It was unchouted territory for Jen, not just the online 0:03:24.088 --> 0:03:26.447 dating part of it, the dating part altogether. 0:03:26.688 --> 0:03:29.287 There was definitely crushes that I had had throughout high 0:03:29.328 --> 0:03:32.848 school and things and even sort of throughout my UNI days, 0:03:32.848 --> 0:03:34.727 and there might have been like a pash here and there, 0:03:35.008 --> 0:03:36.688 but it was never anyone that I was able to 0:03:36.688 --> 0:03:38.168 sort of say, yeah, I want to I want to 0:03:38.248 --> 0:03:40.448 date you. There was a couple of guys I think 0:03:40.568 --> 0:03:43.208 leading up to sort of moving out and things that 0:03:43.248 --> 0:03:45.048 I was like, let's get to know each other, but 0:03:45.088 --> 0:03:46.808 I always just got the friend vibe from them, and 0:03:46.848 --> 0:03:49.408 I just couldn't kind of see myself progressing. And I 0:03:49.408 --> 0:03:51.888 was always really honest with everyone as well, sort of 0:03:51.888 --> 0:03:52.568 where I was at. 0:03:52.568 --> 0:03:54.768 But yeah, besides pashing, that was it. 0:03:55.288 --> 0:03:58.327 But moving out of home and in with two single girlfriends, 0:03:58.488 --> 0:04:01.608 Jen was entering into a whole new era. So she 0:04:01.728 --> 0:04:04.488 chose her favorite picks, wrote a standout bio, and got 0:04:04.488 --> 0:04:05.608 herself on the apps. 0:04:06.128 --> 0:04:09.208 Was absolutely crapping myself. There is the excitement, but there's 0:04:09.208 --> 0:04:11.248 also the fear of what is this person going to 0:04:11.288 --> 0:04:13.248 think of me? And then, because I hadn't given my 0:04:13.288 --> 0:04:15.488 body to anyone before, it was kind of how do 0:04:15.528 --> 0:04:17.928 you navigate this? And how do you feel comfortable enough 0:04:17.928 --> 0:04:20.848 in your own skin to allow someone to see so 0:04:21.048 --> 0:04:24.928 vulnerable in a naked state and trust them enough and 0:04:24.967 --> 0:04:27.928 develop trust in a really organic way, even when you're 0:04:27.928 --> 0:04:30.087 doing it on the apps, because obviously that doesn't necessarily 0:04:30.087 --> 0:04:33.048 feel organic to begin with. And you know a little 0:04:33.048 --> 0:04:35.247 bit about each other, but really going to meet someone 0:04:35.288 --> 0:04:38.208 that you don't really know anything about and you've sent 0:04:38.207 --> 0:04:41.087 a few messages back and forth, it was very daunting. 0:04:42.008 --> 0:04:43.848 It was horrifying to think that I would have to 0:04:43.888 --> 0:04:46.407 share with someone that I was twenty five and still 0:04:46.408 --> 0:04:48.688 a virgin. It would take me a really long time 0:04:48.688 --> 0:04:50.728 to sort of lead up to a date. There was 0:04:50.768 --> 0:04:53.008 one that I think I was talking to for a 0:04:53.087 --> 0:04:56.167 three month period before I met, and I think we 0:04:56.207 --> 0:04:58.647 saw each other four times, and I really obviously wasn't 0:04:58.648 --> 0:05:01.088 giving him what he was expecting. 0:05:00.928 --> 0:05:02.488 Out of things. But it was just because I was 0:05:02.528 --> 0:05:06.327 ready to take things slow. He was pushing, I think. 0:05:06.408 --> 0:05:08.008 So it was just like, look, this is where I'm at, 0:05:08.008 --> 0:05:10.727 and this is why things aren't gressing because I just 0:05:11.408 --> 0:05:12.967 it was like I felt ready, but I didn't feel 0:05:12.967 --> 0:05:15.047 ready with that person, and I wanted it. I didn't 0:05:15.087 --> 0:05:18.448 necessarily have this fantasy about how special it would be. 0:05:18.488 --> 0:05:19.208 Or anything like that. 0:05:19.248 --> 0:05:21.048 It was just I don't want to be naked in 0:05:21.087 --> 0:05:22.248 front of you, and I don't really want to be 0:05:22.327 --> 0:05:25.287 that intimate with you in particular. You're just not the 0:05:25.368 --> 0:05:27.647 right person for me to do that with. But yeah, 0:05:27.688 --> 0:05:30.847 it wasn't like I had, so I know for everyone 0:05:30.888 --> 0:05:33.047 it's a little bit different with their virginity and sometimes 0:05:33.048 --> 0:05:34.368 as well, I want to wait till a marriage and 0:05:34.408 --> 0:05:36.048 I want that person to be right for me, and 0:05:36.408 --> 0:05:38.527 others are like, you know, what's not that special. I'm 0:05:38.528 --> 0:05:41.488 just going to, you know, enjoy those processes and get 0:05:41.528 --> 0:05:43.568 into it. But for me yet, it was more kind 0:05:43.568 --> 0:05:45.128 of I want to trust you enough that I could 0:05:45.248 --> 0:05:47.047 enjoy it and I don't want to get the ick. 0:05:47.607 --> 0:05:49.727 Just when she was questioning whether the apps were ever 0:05:49.768 --> 0:05:52.248 going to be the place she'd find this person, along 0:05:52.288 --> 0:05:53.688 came a guy named Steve. 0:05:54.087 --> 0:05:57.328 And I wasn't necessarily physically attracted to the photos that 0:05:57.368 --> 0:05:59.128 I was seeing, And it was one of those apps 0:05:59.128 --> 0:06:00.527 where they can just reach out to you and if 0:06:00.568 --> 0:06:03.168 you want to respond, you can, but you wasn't didn't have. 0:06:03.128 --> 0:06:03.888 To be a mutual. 0:06:04.087 --> 0:06:07.288 I like you, you like me. He was eleven years 0:06:07.327 --> 0:06:10.088 older than me. I actually remember the photo that he 0:06:10.128 --> 0:06:12.088 had used as well, and I was like, hmm, that 0:06:12.207 --> 0:06:14.168 just feels a bit a bit out there. I think 0:06:14.207 --> 0:06:17.048 he was shirtless sort of from the chest up, and 0:06:17.087 --> 0:06:20.888 he had quite like shoulder length hair as well, So 0:06:21.048 --> 0:06:22.688 I think based on the age, I was kind of like, oh, 0:06:22.727 --> 0:06:24.887 you're probably be a little bit older. But I also 0:06:25.008 --> 0:06:28.728 noticed that the distance he lived into state, and so 0:06:28.847 --> 0:06:30.967 for me, again, it wasn't something that I was wanting 0:06:31.008 --> 0:06:33.888 to entertain. I wanted a connection and I wanted to 0:06:33.928 --> 0:06:36.328 be able to be physical, but if I wanted a relationship, 0:06:36.648 --> 0:06:39.408 having someone live in a different state was not going 0:06:39.488 --> 0:06:40.888 to be on top. 0:06:40.688 --> 0:06:42.527 Of my list of priorities. 0:06:42.568 --> 0:06:42.808 There. 0:06:43.607 --> 0:06:46.248 I don't really remember exactly what he said, but it 0:06:46.327 --> 0:06:49.248 was a lot of you're really pretty, and then almost 0:06:49.288 --> 0:06:53.488 went off on this really strange fantasy. It was really odd, 0:06:53.488 --> 0:06:55.327 and again so this was something I was like, who 0:06:55.408 --> 0:06:59.448 is this random sending me these strange messages. I actually 0:06:59.488 --> 0:07:01.528 wasn't even responding at the time, because I had gone 0:07:01.607 --> 0:07:04.288 out with some friends and we had gone out dancing, 0:07:04.368 --> 0:07:07.048 and when I had come back, I had this novel 0:07:07.248 --> 0:07:11.288 of different messages just following through the strange fantasy, and 0:07:11.368 --> 0:07:14.888 he hadn't gone necessarily sexual with the fantasy. It was 0:07:15.408 --> 0:07:18.888 just kind of this really long narration and it wasn't 0:07:18.928 --> 0:07:21.048 the sort of opening that I had received from any 0:07:21.088 --> 0:07:24.288 of the other guys before on the apps or anyway. 0:07:24.808 --> 0:07:27.167 I always really felt bad about hitting a block button, 0:07:27.408 --> 0:07:30.488 or I would prefer for me, I don't want to 0:07:30.528 --> 0:07:33.288 ever be ghosted. I would rather someone be really upfront 0:07:33.328 --> 0:07:36.488 with me about their sort of thoughts or feelings, and 0:07:36.528 --> 0:07:38.008 it's like, you know, if you're not for me, I'll 0:07:38.088 --> 0:07:40.248 let you know that, and that should be okay. It 0:07:40.248 --> 0:07:43.808 should be enough for someone to respectfully say, it's just 0:07:43.848 --> 0:07:46.368 not what I'm looking for, but thanks for the interest. 0:07:47.368 --> 0:07:49.248 I had hoped that he would respond well to that, 0:07:49.727 --> 0:07:51.968 and at that point he had changed gears and he 0:07:52.048 --> 0:07:54.648 really had gone into Okay, look, that's actually worked for 0:07:54.727 --> 0:07:56.968 me with my last conversation, so I thought I would 0:07:57.008 --> 0:07:59.408 try it again. But here we are, let me find 0:07:59.448 --> 0:08:01.968 out a little bit about you. It was really weird 0:08:01.968 --> 0:08:04.328 as well, because it was almost like he came across 0:08:04.328 --> 0:08:06.768 as he didn't have a lot of experience, because it 0:08:06.888 --> 0:08:09.128 wasn't a usual way for a man to sort of 0:08:09.168 --> 0:08:12.408 approach a woman. So I think part of that peaked 0:08:12.448 --> 0:08:15.648 my interest enough, but I was probably in a bit 0:08:15.688 --> 0:08:18.248 of a low point after ending things with the other one. 0:08:18.288 --> 0:08:20.968 There was like a bit of attention. Sometimes we need 0:08:21.008 --> 0:08:22.128 the attention, the validation. 0:08:22.607 --> 0:08:24.128 Let's just give it a little bit while it's a 0:08:24.168 --> 0:08:27.247 weekend and I've got nothing else going on, And somehow 0:08:27.248 --> 0:08:29.528 we ended up just continuing to talk throughout the night 0:08:29.568 --> 0:08:32.487 and the next day continued to message me and there 0:08:32.528 --> 0:08:36.688 was no more fantasy talk or sexualization of anything, and 0:08:36.727 --> 0:08:39.928 it was very much just to getting to know your process. 0:08:40.368 --> 0:08:42.208 But with me also keeping in the back of my 0:08:42.288 --> 0:08:45.808 mind lived into state. So I continue to do the 0:08:45.888 --> 0:08:48.648 messaging and he would say all the right things, like 0:08:49.008 --> 0:08:51.688 if I fell in love, then I would absolutely move. 0:08:52.128 --> 0:08:54.008 You know, I don't want to continue living where I am. 0:08:54.088 --> 0:08:57.688 I really love Melbourn and sort of seeing what Melbourne 0:08:57.728 --> 0:09:00.048 has to offer. I've been there a few times and 0:09:00.048 --> 0:09:01.928 we sort of got to know each other more and 0:09:01.968 --> 0:09:04.488 more from there, and it was like every minute of 0:09:04.568 --> 0:09:06.408 the day it felt like we were talking. 0:09:07.248 --> 0:09:09.008 You get the butterflies. 0:09:08.528 --> 0:09:10.608 Every time the name pops up on your screen, and 0:09:10.648 --> 0:09:13.208 it is this excitement of what are they saying next? 0:09:13.208 --> 0:09:15.848 And allre they giving me, all of this attention and validation. 0:09:16.848 --> 0:09:19.768 So it started to feel like there was more of 0:09:19.808 --> 0:09:22.888 a buzz between the two of us, But it felt 0:09:22.888 --> 0:09:27.008 like his entire focus was on me. You're obviously not 0:09:27.048 --> 0:09:28.968 talking to anyone else. That's kind of nice to know. 0:09:29.088 --> 0:09:32.528 So early on he didn't have any qualifications, but he 0:09:32.568 --> 0:09:35.368 had gone to university for a period of time, and 0:09:35.408 --> 0:09:37.368 he did say that he did have to leave you 0:09:37.408 --> 0:09:40.328 need to look after his family who were back home, 0:09:40.448 --> 0:09:42.768 So that was really difficult for him to have to 0:09:42.968 --> 0:09:45.568 leave that behind and something that he was wanting to 0:09:46.048 --> 0:09:49.048 sort of see a future for himself and come back 0:09:49.088 --> 0:09:50.168 to take care of family. 0:09:50.568 --> 0:09:52.528 So in a way, that kind of was a bit 0:09:52.528 --> 0:09:52.848 of an. 0:09:52.728 --> 0:09:55.048 Appeal for me, knowing that he was really family oriented 0:09:55.088 --> 0:09:57.288 and it would be a priority for him to make 0:09:57.328 --> 0:09:59.888 sure that he could stop everything just to take care 0:09:59.928 --> 0:10:03.768 of them. I did find him really intelligent, and he 0:10:03.808 --> 0:10:05.848 would sort of just rip out these random comments and 0:10:05.928 --> 0:10:08.328 I was like, where did you learn that? Or it 0:10:08.368 --> 0:10:10.408 just kind of felt so really and then it kept 0:10:10.408 --> 0:10:12.968 me on my toes a bit with the conversation that 0:10:13.048 --> 0:10:15.248 it would also make me think, And I think I 0:10:15.448 --> 0:10:18.208 like to consider myself as someone who reflects a lot 0:10:18.248 --> 0:10:21.368 on their own thoughts and behaviors, and I always want 0:10:21.408 --> 0:10:24.088 to learn from people. So I found him really interesting 0:10:24.808 --> 0:10:27.808 that he would challenge me, I think on some of those. 0:10:28.208 --> 0:10:31.528 But he was also very in touch with his emotions, 0:10:32.448 --> 0:10:35.448 just a lot of articulation and I think expression of 0:10:35.488 --> 0:10:37.928 those feelings, and that was absolutely something that I'd wanted 0:10:37.968 --> 0:10:40.768 in a partner and something I always expect from someone 0:10:40.808 --> 0:10:44.328 who was that much older than me as well. So 0:10:44.408 --> 0:10:47.088 from there, I think I put in almost some boundaries 0:10:47.128 --> 0:10:49.288 and it was, well, what I'm wanting out of this. 0:10:49.368 --> 0:10:52.168 If we're continuing to talk and we're clearly building a 0:10:52.168 --> 0:10:53.328 strong connection here. 0:10:53.568 --> 0:10:56.168 The next step is to meet. So for me, I 0:10:56.208 --> 0:10:56.768 think we had. 0:10:56.688 --> 0:11:00.328 Started talking in September and I had said for New Years, 0:11:00.328 --> 0:11:02.768 I'd really like for us to have met already, and 0:11:02.808 --> 0:11:04.928 if that means that you have to come to Mailwy, 0:11:04.928 --> 0:11:07.448 which I sort of at that point, was like, well, 0:11:07.568 --> 0:11:09.528 you were the one that has sort of chased me, 0:11:09.928 --> 0:11:12.648 So have you come to Melvin if you're as keen 0:11:12.688 --> 0:11:15.128 as you say you are, and come and meet me. 0:11:15.688 --> 0:11:18.848 He initially agreed to that and then backed out. He 0:11:19.008 --> 0:11:22.128 said to me, Look, I struggle with anxiety and it's 0:11:22.208 --> 0:11:26.008 quite significant and I'm no longer working because of it, 0:11:26.488 --> 0:11:30.168 and so financially that has become a real struggle. But 0:11:30.208 --> 0:11:33.088 also the anxiety is at the point where I think 0:11:33.088 --> 0:11:35.968 it would stop me from getting on a plane to 0:11:36.008 --> 0:11:39.368 come and see you. No, I was like, okay, well 0:11:39.368 --> 0:11:41.608 I still feel something. I feel like there could be 0:11:41.688 --> 0:11:43.848 something here. Do I need to be a little bit 0:11:43.888 --> 0:11:47.048 more flexible, particularly because I'd been so rigid up until 0:11:47.088 --> 0:11:49.688 now with sort of my thinking about dating that I 0:11:49.728 --> 0:11:53.368 was like, look, I will come to you, but this 0:11:53.408 --> 0:11:54.848 will be a one off and this will be just 0:11:54.888 --> 0:11:57.728 an opportunity for us to meet. I think it's worth us, 0:11:57.928 --> 0:12:00.288 you know, seeing if there is a spark there, if not, 0:12:00.448 --> 0:12:03.728 no harm done. He was super excited. There was a 0:12:03.808 --> 0:12:07.088 lot of sort of counting down the days until we 0:12:07.168 --> 0:12:10.448 got to meet, and we ended up meeting on Valentine's 0:12:10.528 --> 0:12:12.368 Days and we were both. 0:12:12.208 --> 0:12:12.888 Just really excited. 0:12:12.928 --> 0:12:14.928 It was Okay, where are we going to stay for 0:12:14.968 --> 0:12:17.168 that weekend? And what are we going to do once 0:12:17.208 --> 0:12:20.128 we're together? And oh my gosh, gosh, I hope you 0:12:20.248 --> 0:12:21.648 like me, and I hope that I like you, and 0:12:21.688 --> 0:12:23.808 I hope we do connect and then all of the 0:12:23.848 --> 0:12:26.648 things that we've been sort of talking about or planning 0:12:27.048 --> 0:12:29.488 come together really well. So there was a lot of 0:12:29.608 --> 0:12:32.128 excitement I think from the two of us, which really 0:12:32.168 --> 0:12:35.088 felt mutual, which was also something that I wasn't quite 0:12:35.168 --> 0:12:37.368 used to with the other guys I had dated. 0:12:38.008 --> 0:12:41.128 So in a complete departure, from the gen of the past. 0:12:41.488 --> 0:12:44.208 She booked a flight and a hotel and jetted off 0:12:44.248 --> 0:12:45.568 for their first proper date. 0:12:45.968 --> 0:12:48.608 I remember being in the hotel room and doing my 0:12:48.728 --> 0:12:51.488 hair and doing my makeup, and having some music playing, 0:12:51.568 --> 0:12:53.968 and painting my nails and doing all of these things, 0:12:53.968 --> 0:12:57.048 and just counting down the minutes until he got there. 0:12:57.648 --> 0:13:00.928 And then I almost started to get again anxious from 0:13:00.928 --> 0:13:03.648 that excitement. I guess I've only just sort of started 0:13:03.688 --> 0:13:06.968 dating the last six months, and every time I meet someone, 0:13:07.248 --> 0:13:10.368 I feel really anxious, especially because he had sort of 0:13:10.408 --> 0:13:13.648 mentioned to me that he also wasn't someone who dated. 0:13:14.088 --> 0:13:17.728 He had never had a relationship before. He was also 0:13:17.768 --> 0:13:20.688 a virgin, and that was something that I think we had. 0:13:20.888 --> 0:13:21.888 Oh, I guess we'd. 0:13:21.688 --> 0:13:24.088 Connected on a little bit. For him, I think there 0:13:24.088 --> 0:13:26.608 was a bit more embarrassment about being a virgin because 0:13:26.648 --> 0:13:31.208 he was thirty seven. I remember it being really awkward 0:13:31.288 --> 0:13:32.728 to raise it, But I think I was having a 0:13:32.768 --> 0:13:35.968 Halloween party with my two best friends at that townhouse 0:13:35.968 --> 0:13:39.608 that we had moved into, and he was feeling quite 0:13:39.608 --> 0:13:43.368 worried that I might meet someone at that party, and 0:13:43.448 --> 0:13:45.808 I had sort of made some comments that about it's 0:13:45.808 --> 0:13:48.328 not going to happen. It hasn't happened before, so it's 0:13:48.368 --> 0:13:50.048 not going to happen. And I didn't want to use 0:13:50.088 --> 0:13:52.728 the words I'm a virgin, so I would just say 0:13:52.808 --> 0:13:56.288 things like, oh, I wouldn't know, and his response was 0:13:56.968 --> 0:14:00.328 not necessarily shocked. But then over time started using the 0:14:00.368 --> 0:14:03.088 same sort of terminology as me when I started questioning 0:14:03.168 --> 0:14:06.368 him about his past sexual experiences and he had then 0:14:06.448 --> 0:14:07.928 just come out and said, I'm the same as you. 0:14:08.728 --> 0:14:11.328 We would both sort of about people that we'd had 0:14:11.408 --> 0:14:14.128 crushes on before, experiences that we'd had that sort of 0:14:14.128 --> 0:14:17.448 stopped before it got to that point of becoming sexual, 0:14:17.848 --> 0:14:19.848 and so it almost felt like, in a way, we 0:14:19.848 --> 0:14:21.808 feel like everyone's got some baggage or everyone's got an 0:14:22.008 --> 0:14:24.768 x and for the two of us, we didn't at 0:14:24.768 --> 0:14:27.928 that point, and all of those situations that we were 0:14:27.928 --> 0:14:30.728 in with connections with us never resulted in anything that 0:14:30.808 --> 0:14:33.448 got to that point. So it did feel really new 0:14:33.688 --> 0:14:36.128 to the both of us. Finding that out I think 0:14:36.168 --> 0:14:40.048 probably added to both of our anxieties for the day of. 0:14:40.928 --> 0:14:43.248 Okay, well, we I have booked a hotel. 0:14:43.048 --> 0:14:47.328 Room of Valentine's Day, and you know we're both you 0:14:47.368 --> 0:14:50.568 for someone the same reason there is a potential here 0:14:50.968 --> 0:14:54.408 that we will sleep together, and what is that going 0:14:54.448 --> 0:14:56.488 to be like? Because I can't rely on you to 0:14:56.568 --> 0:14:59.768 kind of lead the way and vice versa, and so 0:14:59.848 --> 0:15:01.608 we're both just going to be really awkward about this. 0:15:01.808 --> 0:15:02.928 But maybe let's just laugh. 0:15:03.168 --> 0:15:05.888 Let's just consider it that it will be an experience 0:15:05.968 --> 0:15:08.728 that where we're sharing in for the first time, and 0:15:08.768 --> 0:15:11.048 that we can just laugh about. 0:15:11.368 --> 0:15:13.728 With all of that in mind, and with Jen's mind, 0:15:13.808 --> 0:15:17.288 heart and nerves racing, the time had finally come. Steve 0:15:17.408 --> 0:15:19.208 was there at the hotel to meet the girl he'd 0:15:19.248 --> 0:15:21.008 been pursuing for six months. 0:15:21.248 --> 0:15:25.048 I remember him buzzing in and I had to take 0:15:25.088 --> 0:15:27.608 the elevator and go down to collect him. And I 0:15:27.648 --> 0:15:32.288 remember the doors opening and I was shaking. My hands 0:15:32.648 --> 0:15:35.368 were shaking. I couldn't even press the button to get 0:15:35.408 --> 0:15:38.168 back up to the floor. And we kind of didn't 0:15:38.208 --> 0:15:42.968 know what to do with one another. It was just this, Okay, 0:15:43.008 --> 0:15:45.008 you're in the elevator, let's just be dead quiet until 0:15:45.048 --> 0:15:47.168 we get up to the room. It was this, I've 0:15:47.168 --> 0:15:50.728 been talking to you for so long, but I have 0:15:50.848 --> 0:15:53.408 never seen you, and now we're in the space together, 0:15:53.528 --> 0:15:57.408 and crap, there probably are some expectations, So how do 0:15:57.528 --> 0:15:59.568 we take this slow enough that I don't know what 0:15:59.608 --> 0:16:01.888 you're thinking, you don't know what I'm thinking. Once we 0:16:01.888 --> 0:16:03.768 got into the room, though, he I think he gave 0:16:03.848 --> 0:16:07.088 me a single rose, and I thought, oh, that's that's 0:16:07.128 --> 0:16:10.048 actually really sweet and this is me a happy Valentine Day. 0:16:10.088 --> 0:16:12.688 And we sat down on the couch and I think 0:16:12.768 --> 0:16:16.368 I was avoiding looking at him. Think I was very awkward, 0:16:16.688 --> 0:16:19.048 but I was realizing that he was way more nervous 0:16:19.088 --> 0:16:21.528 than I was, so it wasn't only my hands that 0:16:21.528 --> 0:16:23.808 were shaking, it was his as well, and he's continued 0:16:23.848 --> 0:16:25.968 to shake for far longer than mine did. I think 0:16:26.088 --> 0:16:27.608 I kind of got to that place where I could 0:16:27.648 --> 0:16:31.208 then relax, and I almost felt sorry for him because 0:16:31.208 --> 0:16:33.168 I could see how anxious he was that I felt 0:16:33.168 --> 0:16:35.128 this sense of responsibility to. 0:16:35.568 --> 0:16:36.688 Help calm him. 0:16:37.168 --> 0:16:39.048 During all the time that we're talking, you sort of 0:16:39.088 --> 0:16:41.248 speak about those things like I can't I can't wait 0:16:41.248 --> 0:16:43.488 to hold you or to hug you, or to kiss you, 0:16:43.888 --> 0:16:45.608 and all of those things, and it was almost like 0:16:45.648 --> 0:16:48.608 a but how do we know when that person wants 0:16:48.688 --> 0:16:50.808 to do that? So I think with me, I've had 0:16:50.808 --> 0:16:53.808 a few more experiences around that it was like, I'm 0:16:53.808 --> 0:16:55.168 just going to go for it then, because I think 0:16:55.168 --> 0:16:57.488 he's too anxious to try to kiss me. So I 0:16:57.528 --> 0:17:00.088 remember doing that and he afterwards had said to me, 0:17:00.688 --> 0:17:03.128 I've never kissed anyone before. And I had to sort 0:17:03.128 --> 0:17:04.848 of sit with that just for a second, just to 0:17:04.927 --> 0:17:08.247 process because it wasn't something that had actually crossed my 0:17:08.288 --> 0:17:11.648 mind that he hadn't even hissed a girl. I was, 0:17:12.167 --> 0:17:15.208 I think, feeling mixed emotions, so it was still looking 0:17:15.248 --> 0:17:17.848 at him being like, oh, I still actually don't know 0:17:17.888 --> 0:17:18.927 if I'm attracted to you. 0:17:19.368 --> 0:17:21.288 So he was this six foot. 0:17:21.168 --> 0:17:25.368 Three guy with shoulder length brown hair and facial hair, 0:17:25.648 --> 0:17:25.928 and I. 0:17:25.888 --> 0:17:28.288 Was like, typically, that's that sounds pretty hot. 0:17:28.448 --> 0:17:32.608 But there was something that I think was stopping me 0:17:32.648 --> 0:17:35.128 from fully leaning in in a way. And I don't 0:17:35.168 --> 0:17:37.648 know if it was more this focus emotionally on this 0:17:37.688 --> 0:17:40.368 is someone I want to help, but there was there 0:17:40.368 --> 0:17:43.808 was obviously enough sexual tension. I guess that we sort 0:17:43.848 --> 0:17:46.248 of continue trying to figure out one another. 0:17:46.768 --> 0:17:49.008 On that weekend, we did end up. 0:17:48.968 --> 0:17:53.528 In bed together, and what I remember is it being 0:17:54.248 --> 0:17:55.888 you don't get a manual on it, and you know 0:17:55.928 --> 0:17:59.968 how logistically, but I think when you're. 0:17:59.808 --> 0:18:03.808 Both that nervous and very much sober. It's kind of this. 0:18:04.488 --> 0:18:06.608 Yeah, I think he was struggling a little bit, and 0:18:06.688 --> 0:18:10.928 I had made a comment that it shouldn't be that hard, 0:18:11.408 --> 0:18:14.848 and he obviously didn't take that well and it wasn't 0:18:15.088 --> 0:18:16.967 said in the way that it came out, and I 0:18:17.048 --> 0:18:19.927 tried to obviously can't take it back, but I tried 0:18:20.008 --> 0:18:22.407