1
00:00:10,888 --> 00:00:14,648
Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mother and Me podcast. Muma Me

2
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,768
Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional owners of the land and waters.

3
00:00:17,848 --> 00:00:19,608
Speaker 2: This podcast is recorded on.

4
00:00:19,688 --> 00:00:23,328
Speaker 1: This episode deals with discussions and depictions of mental ill health.

5
00:00:23,448 --> 00:00:33,568
Speaker 1: Listener discretion is advised. What makes a perfect partner? Does

6
00:00:33,608 --> 00:00:36,128
Speaker 1: the person you meet, catch feelings for and see life

7
00:00:36,128 --> 00:00:38,528
Speaker 1: with have to be perfect from the start, or do

8
00:00:38,568 --> 00:00:42,008
Speaker 1: you look at potential imperfections and think I can fix them,

9
00:00:42,248 --> 00:00:45,367
Speaker 1: especially when said imperfections are ones you've dealt with yourself.

10
00:00:45,728 --> 00:00:49,727
Speaker 3: There's someone who has some shared experiences. I've been able

11
00:00:49,768 --> 00:00:51,928
Speaker 3: to create mar own tools to move past a lot

12
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:55,288
Speaker 3: of those feelings. So maybe I have to role model

13
00:00:55,808 --> 00:00:58,288
Speaker 3: some of that to him first and meet him halfway,

14
00:00:58,408 --> 00:01:00,488
Speaker 3: So get him to a point where he's comfortable and

15
00:01:00,528 --> 00:01:03,168
Speaker 3: confident enough in me to be able to support him

16
00:01:03,168 --> 00:01:06,728
Speaker 3: through some of those challenges that he's facing. So I

17
00:01:06,728 --> 00:01:08,648
Speaker 3: think I really related to some of what he was

18
00:01:08,688 --> 00:01:12,208
Speaker 3: saying and thought, my goodness, this could really be something

19
00:01:12,408 --> 00:01:13,848
Speaker 3: if I can help him through this.

20
00:01:14,648 --> 00:01:16,968
Speaker 2: That's Jen. She's what we call a fixer.

21
00:01:17,248 --> 00:01:19,888
Speaker 1: The connection she had with Steve was strong enough that

22
00:01:19,968 --> 00:01:22,888
Speaker 1: what others might perceive as red flags, she saw as

23
00:01:22,928 --> 00:01:26,087
Speaker 1: things they could overcome together, no matter what it took.

24
00:01:26,448 --> 00:01:29,008
Speaker 1: But the problem with fixes is that they often failed

25
00:01:29,008 --> 00:01:31,528
Speaker 1: to see what they're losing in themselves in trying to

26
00:01:31,568 --> 00:01:32,488
Speaker 1: help the other person.

27
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,447
Speaker 3: If he was mad at me, then I would just

28
00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:36,848
Speaker 3: feel really crappy for the rest of the day, and

29
00:01:36,928 --> 00:01:39,208
Speaker 3: I would then do everything I could to try to

30
00:01:39,528 --> 00:01:42,368
Speaker 3: make it up to him, because I could see that

31
00:01:42,408 --> 00:01:44,328
Speaker 3: he was spending a lot of time on me, and

32
00:01:44,368 --> 00:01:46,768
Speaker 3: I could see that it might stop him from doing

33
00:01:46,808 --> 00:01:49,288
Speaker 3: those things. And that's the challenge that you're just like,

34
00:01:49,328 --> 00:01:50,208
Speaker 3: but it could get better.

35
00:01:59,768 --> 00:02:02,488
Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an X.

36
00:02:02,608 --> 00:02:04,808
Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of

37
00:02:04,928 --> 00:02:09,168
Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

38
00:02:09,248 --> 00:02:12,408
Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Jen was

39
00:02:12,448 --> 00:02:15,608
Speaker 1: twenty five when this story begins. She'd always been a

40
00:02:15,608 --> 00:02:18,528
Speaker 1: good student, kept her head down and worked hard, and

41
00:02:18,568 --> 00:02:20,848
Speaker 1: a good daughter. She'd lived at home with her parents

42
00:02:20,848 --> 00:02:23,288
Speaker 1: and never went off the rails or brought any boys home.

43
00:02:23,608 --> 00:02:25,848
Speaker 1: But now she was finished her studies and was all

44
00:02:25,888 --> 00:02:28,568
Speaker 1: grown up. It was time to spread her wings.

45
00:02:28,968 --> 00:02:32,488
Speaker 3: I had just moved out with my two best friends.

46
00:02:33,008 --> 00:02:36,368
Speaker 3: We'd moved into a townhouse together. I just started my

47
00:02:36,528 --> 00:02:39,007
Speaker 3: first job out of UNI, so it all kind of

48
00:02:39,048 --> 00:02:41,088
Speaker 3: felt like my life was starting to head into that

49
00:02:41,168 --> 00:02:44,208
Speaker 3: adult state and I was like, awesome, well, I'm.

50
00:02:44,128 --> 00:02:45,008
Speaker 2: Living out of home now.

51
00:02:45,088 --> 00:02:47,688
Speaker 3: Now it's probably time to date because if I have to,

52
00:02:47,808 --> 00:02:50,488
Speaker 3: can have people come back. I was probably more focused

53
00:02:50,528 --> 00:02:53,648
Speaker 3: on studies, but I'd always see all of my friends

54
00:02:53,648 --> 00:02:55,608
Speaker 3: around me in relationships and I'll be like, yes, sir,

55
00:02:55,888 --> 00:02:57,888
Speaker 3: I want that, but I also want to have.

56
00:02:57,888 --> 00:02:59,048
Speaker 2: That with the right person.

57
00:02:59,568 --> 00:03:01,528
Speaker 3: So it'd always kind of just be like they like me,

58
00:03:01,608 --> 00:03:03,888
Speaker 3: but I didn't like them, and vice versa. But I

59
00:03:03,888 --> 00:03:05,848
Speaker 3: think moving out of home, I was like, I feel

60
00:03:05,848 --> 00:03:08,768
Speaker 3: like I'm ready to explore a different part of my

61
00:03:08,848 --> 00:03:12,128
Speaker 3: life now and see what happened. So it was an

62
00:03:12,168 --> 00:03:14,688
Speaker 3: exciting time. Both of my two best friends they had

63
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:17,488
Speaker 3: just broken up out of their long term relationships as well,

64
00:03:17,768 --> 00:03:20,808
Speaker 3: so we were all almost doing this online dating stuff.

65
00:03:20,928 --> 00:03:24,008
Speaker 1: It was unchouted territory for Jen, not just the online

66
00:03:24,088 --> 00:03:26,447
Speaker 1: dating part of it, the dating part altogether.

67
00:03:26,688 --> 00:03:29,287
Speaker 3: There was definitely crushes that I had had throughout high

68
00:03:29,328 --> 00:03:32,848
Speaker 3: school and things and even sort of throughout my UNI days,

69
00:03:32,848 --> 00:03:34,727
Speaker 3: and there might have been like a pash here and there,

70
00:03:35,008 --> 00:03:36,688
Speaker 3: but it was never anyone that I was able to

71
00:03:36,688 --> 00:03:38,168
Speaker 3: sort of say, yeah, I want to I want to

72
00:03:38,248 --> 00:03:40,448
Speaker 3: date you. There was a couple of guys I think

73
00:03:40,568 --> 00:03:43,208
Speaker 3: leading up to sort of moving out and things that

74
00:03:43,248 --> 00:03:45,048
Speaker 3: I was like, let's get to know each other, but

75
00:03:45,088 --> 00:03:46,808
Speaker 3: I always just got the friend vibe from them, and

76
00:03:46,848 --> 00:03:49,408
Speaker 3: I just couldn't kind of see myself progressing. And I

77
00:03:49,408 --> 00:03:51,888
Speaker 3: was always really honest with everyone as well, sort of

78
00:03:51,888 --> 00:03:52,568
Speaker 3: where I was at.

79
00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:54,768
Speaker 2: But yeah, besides pashing, that was it.

80
00:03:55,288 --> 00:03:58,327
Speaker 1: But moving out of home and in with two single girlfriends,

81
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:01,608
Speaker 1: Jen was entering into a whole new era. So she

82
00:04:01,728 --> 00:04:04,488
Speaker 1: chose her favorite picks, wrote a standout bio, and got

83
00:04:04,488 --> 00:04:05,608
Speaker 1: herself on the apps.

84
00:04:06,128 --> 00:04:09,208
Speaker 3: Was absolutely crapping myself. There is the excitement, but there's

85
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:11,248
Speaker 3: also the fear of what is this person going to

86
00:04:11,288 --> 00:04:13,248
Speaker 3: think of me? And then, because I hadn't given my

87
00:04:13,288 --> 00:04:15,488
Speaker 3: body to anyone before, it was kind of how do

88
00:04:15,528 --> 00:04:17,928
Speaker 3: you navigate this? And how do you feel comfortable enough

89
00:04:17,928 --> 00:04:20,848
Speaker 3: in your own skin to allow someone to see so

90
00:04:21,048 --> 00:04:24,928
Speaker 3: vulnerable in a naked state and trust them enough and

91
00:04:24,967 --> 00:04:27,928
Speaker 3: develop trust in a really organic way, even when you're

92
00:04:27,928 --> 00:04:30,087
Speaker 3: doing it on the apps, because obviously that doesn't necessarily

93
00:04:30,087 --> 00:04:33,048
Speaker 3: feel organic to begin with. And you know a little

94
00:04:33,048 --> 00:04:35,247
Speaker 3: bit about each other, but really going to meet someone

95
00:04:35,288 --> 00:04:38,208
Speaker 3: that you don't really know anything about and you've sent

96
00:04:38,207 --> 00:04:41,087
Speaker 3: a few messages back and forth, it was very daunting.

97
00:04:42,008 --> 00:04:43,848
Speaker 3: It was horrifying to think that I would have to

98
00:04:43,888 --> 00:04:46,407
Speaker 3: share with someone that I was twenty five and still

99
00:04:46,408 --> 00:04:48,688
Speaker 3: a virgin. It would take me a really long time

100
00:04:48,688 --> 00:04:50,728
Speaker 3: to sort of lead up to a date. There was

101
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:53,008
Speaker 3: one that I think I was talking to for a

102
00:04:53,087 --> 00:04:56,167
Speaker 3: three month period before I met, and I think we

103
00:04:56,207 --> 00:04:58,647
Speaker 3: saw each other four times, and I really obviously wasn't

104
00:04:58,648 --> 00:05:01,088
Speaker 3: giving him what he was expecting.

105
00:05:00,928 --> 00:05:02,488
Speaker 2: Out of things. But it was just because I was

106
00:05:02,528 --> 00:05:06,327
Speaker 2: ready to take things slow. He was pushing, I think.

107
00:05:06,408 --> 00:05:08,008
Speaker 3: So it was just like, look, this is where I'm at,

108
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,727
Speaker 3: and this is why things aren't gressing because I just

109
00:05:11,408 --> 00:05:12,967
Speaker 3: it was like I felt ready, but I didn't feel

110
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:15,047
Speaker 3: ready with that person, and I wanted it. I didn't

111
00:05:15,087 --> 00:05:18,448
Speaker 3: necessarily have this fantasy about how special it would be.

112
00:05:18,488 --> 00:05:19,208
Speaker 2: Or anything like that.

113
00:05:19,248 --> 00:05:21,048
Speaker 3: It was just I don't want to be naked in

114
00:05:21,087 --> 00:05:22,248
Speaker 3: front of you, and I don't really want to be

115
00:05:22,327 --> 00:05:25,287
Speaker 3: that intimate with you in particular. You're just not the

116
00:05:25,368 --> 00:05:27,647
Speaker 3: right person for me to do that with. But yeah,

117
00:05:27,688 --> 00:05:30,847
Speaker 3: it wasn't like I had, so I know for everyone

118
00:05:30,888 --> 00:05:33,047
Speaker 3: it's a little bit different with their virginity and sometimes

119
00:05:33,048 --> 00:05:34,368
Speaker 3: as well, I want to wait till a marriage and

120
00:05:34,408 --> 00:05:36,048
Speaker 3: I want that person to be right for me, and

121
00:05:36,408 --> 00:05:38,527
Speaker 3: others are like, you know, what's not that special. I'm

122
00:05:38,528 --> 00:05:41,488
Speaker 3: just going to, you know, enjoy those processes and get

123
00:05:41,528 --> 00:05:43,568
Speaker 3: into it. But for me yet, it was more kind

124
00:05:43,568 --> 00:05:45,128
Speaker 3: of I want to trust you enough that I could

125
00:05:45,248 --> 00:05:47,047
Speaker 3: enjoy it and I don't want to get the ick.

126
00:05:47,607 --> 00:05:49,727
Speaker 1: Just when she was questioning whether the apps were ever

127
00:05:49,768 --> 00:05:52,248
Speaker 1: going to be the place she'd find this person, along

128
00:05:52,288 --> 00:05:53,688
Speaker 1: came a guy named Steve.

129
00:05:54,087 --> 00:05:57,328
Speaker 3: And I wasn't necessarily physically attracted to the photos that

130
00:05:57,368 --> 00:05:59,128
Speaker 3: I was seeing, And it was one of those apps

131
00:05:59,128 --> 00:06:00,527
Speaker 3: where they can just reach out to you and if

132
00:06:00,568 --> 00:06:03,168
Speaker 3: you want to respond, you can, but you wasn't didn't have.

133
00:06:03,128 --> 00:06:03,888
Speaker 2: To be a mutual.

134
00:06:04,087 --> 00:06:07,288
Speaker 3: I like you, you like me. He was eleven years

135
00:06:07,327 --> 00:06:10,088
Speaker 3: older than me. I actually remember the photo that he

136
00:06:10,128 --> 00:06:12,088
Speaker 3: had used as well, and I was like, hmm, that

137
00:06:12,207 --> 00:06:14,168
Speaker 3: just feels a bit a bit out there. I think

138
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:17,048
Speaker 3: he was shirtless sort of from the chest up, and

139
00:06:17,087 --> 00:06:20,888
Speaker 3: he had quite like shoulder length hair as well, So

140
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,688
Speaker 3: I think based on the age, I was kind of like, oh,

141
00:06:22,727 --> 00:06:24,887
Speaker 3: you're probably be a little bit older. But I also

142
00:06:25,008 --> 00:06:28,728
Speaker 3: noticed that the distance he lived into state, and so

143
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:30,967
Speaker 3: for me, again, it wasn't something that I was wanting

144
00:06:31,008 --> 00:06:33,888
Speaker 3: to entertain. I wanted a connection and I wanted to

145
00:06:33,928 --> 00:06:36,328
Speaker 3: be able to be physical, but if I wanted a relationship,

146
00:06:36,648 --> 00:06:39,408
Speaker 3: having someone live in a different state was not going

147
00:06:39,488 --> 00:06:40,888
Speaker 3: to be on top.

148
00:06:40,688 --> 00:06:42,527
Speaker 2: Of my list of priorities.

149
00:06:42,568 --> 00:06:42,808
Speaker 1: There.

150
00:06:43,607 --> 00:06:46,248
Speaker 3: I don't really remember exactly what he said, but it

151
00:06:46,327 --> 00:06:49,248
Speaker 3: was a lot of you're really pretty, and then almost

152
00:06:49,288 --> 00:06:53,488
Speaker 3: went off on this really strange fantasy. It was really odd,

153
00:06:53,488 --> 00:06:55,327
Speaker 3: and again so this was something I was like, who

154
00:06:55,408 --> 00:06:59,448
Speaker 3: is this random sending me these strange messages. I actually

155
00:06:59,488 --> 00:07:01,528
Speaker 3: wasn't even responding at the time, because I had gone

156
00:07:01,607 --> 00:07:04,288
Speaker 3: out with some friends and we had gone out dancing,

157
00:07:04,368 --> 00:07:07,048
Speaker 3: and when I had come back, I had this novel

158
00:07:07,248 --> 00:07:11,288
Speaker 3: of different messages just following through the strange fantasy, and

159
00:07:11,368 --> 00:07:14,888
Speaker 3: he hadn't gone necessarily sexual with the fantasy. It was

160
00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:18,888
Speaker 3: just kind of this really long narration and it wasn't

161
00:07:18,928 --> 00:07:21,048
Speaker 3: the sort of opening that I had received from any

162
00:07:21,088 --> 00:07:24,288
Speaker 3: of the other guys before on the apps or anyway.

163
00:07:24,808 --> 00:07:27,167
Speaker 3: I always really felt bad about hitting a block button,

164
00:07:27,408 --> 00:07:30,488
Speaker 3: or I would prefer for me, I don't want to

165
00:07:30,528 --> 00:07:33,288
Speaker 3: ever be ghosted. I would rather someone be really upfront

166
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:36,488
Speaker 3: with me about their sort of thoughts or feelings, and

167
00:07:36,528 --> 00:07:38,008
Speaker 3: it's like, you know, if you're not for me, I'll

168
00:07:38,088 --> 00:07:40,248
Speaker 3: let you know that, and that should be okay. It

169
00:07:40,248 --> 00:07:43,808
Speaker 3: should be enough for someone to respectfully say, it's just

170
00:07:43,848 --> 00:07:46,368
Speaker 3: not what I'm looking for, but thanks for the interest.

171
00:07:47,368 --> 00:07:49,248
Speaker 3: I had hoped that he would respond well to that,

172
00:07:49,727 --> 00:07:51,968
Speaker 3: and at that point he had changed gears and he

173
00:07:52,048 --> 00:07:54,648
Speaker 3: really had gone into Okay, look, that's actually worked for

174
00:07:54,727 --> 00:07:56,968
Speaker 3: me with my last conversation, so I thought I would

175
00:07:57,008 --> 00:07:59,408
Speaker 3: try it again. But here we are, let me find

176
00:07:59,448 --> 00:08:01,968
Speaker 3: out a little bit about you. It was really weird

177
00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:04,328
Speaker 3: as well, because it was almost like he came across

178
00:08:04,328 --> 00:08:06,768
Speaker 3: as he didn't have a lot of experience, because it

179
00:08:06,888 --> 00:08:09,128
Speaker 3: wasn't a usual way for a man to sort of

180
00:08:09,168 --> 00:08:12,408
Speaker 3: approach a woman. So I think part of that peaked

181
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:15,648
Speaker 3: my interest enough, but I was probably in a bit

182
00:08:15,688 --> 00:08:18,248
Speaker 3: of a low point after ending things with the other one.

183
00:08:18,288 --> 00:08:20,968
Speaker 2: There was like a bit of attention. Sometimes we need

184
00:08:21,008 --> 00:08:22,128
Speaker 2: the attention, the validation.

185
00:08:22,607 --> 00:08:24,128
Speaker 3: Let's just give it a little bit while it's a

186
00:08:24,168 --> 00:08:27,247
Speaker 3: weekend and I've got nothing else going on, And somehow

187
00:08:27,248 --> 00:08:29,528
Speaker 3: we ended up just continuing to talk throughout the night

188
00:08:29,568 --> 00:08:32,487
Speaker 3: and the next day continued to message me and there

189
00:08:32,528 --> 00:08:36,688
Speaker 3: was no more fantasy talk or sexualization of anything, and

190
00:08:36,727 --> 00:08:39,928
Speaker 3: it was very much just to getting to know your process.

191
00:08:40,368 --> 00:08:42,208
Speaker 3: But with me also keeping in the back of my

192
00:08:42,288 --> 00:08:45,808
Speaker 3: mind lived into state. So I continue to do the

193
00:08:45,888 --> 00:08:48,648
Speaker 3: messaging and he would say all the right things, like

194
00:08:49,008 --> 00:08:51,688
Speaker 3: if I fell in love, then I would absolutely move.

195
00:08:52,128 --> 00:08:54,008
Speaker 3: You know, I don't want to continue living where I am.

196
00:08:54,088 --> 00:08:57,688
Speaker 3: I really love Melbourn and sort of seeing what Melbourne

197
00:08:57,728 --> 00:09:00,048
Speaker 3: has to offer. I've been there a few times and

198
00:09:00,048 --> 00:09:01,928
Speaker 3: we sort of got to know each other more and

199
00:09:01,968 --> 00:09:04,488
Speaker 3: more from there, and it was like every minute of

200
00:09:04,568 --> 00:09:06,408
Speaker 3: the day it felt like we were talking.

201
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:09,008
Speaker 2: You get the butterflies.

202
00:09:08,528 --> 00:09:10,608
Speaker 3: Every time the name pops up on your screen, and

203
00:09:10,648 --> 00:09:13,208
Speaker 3: it is this excitement of what are they saying next?

204
00:09:13,208 --> 00:09:15,848
Speaker 3: And allre they giving me, all of this attention and validation.

205
00:09:16,848 --> 00:09:19,768
Speaker 3: So it started to feel like there was more of

206
00:09:19,808 --> 00:09:22,888
Speaker 3: a buzz between the two of us, But it felt

207
00:09:22,888 --> 00:09:27,008
Speaker 3: like his entire focus was on me. You're obviously not

208
00:09:27,048 --> 00:09:28,968
Speaker 3: talking to anyone else. That's kind of nice to know.

209
00:09:29,088 --> 00:09:32,528
Speaker 3: So early on he didn't have any qualifications, but he

210
00:09:32,568 --> 00:09:35,368
Speaker 3: had gone to university for a period of time, and

211
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,368
Speaker 3: he did say that he did have to leave you

212
00:09:37,408 --> 00:09:40,328
Speaker 3: need to look after his family who were back home,

213
00:09:40,448 --> 00:09:42,768
Speaker 3: So that was really difficult for him to have to

214
00:09:42,968 --> 00:09:45,568
Speaker 3: leave that behind and something that he was wanting to

215
00:09:46,048 --> 00:09:49,048
Speaker 3: sort of see a future for himself and come back

216
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:50,168
Speaker 3: to take care of family.

217
00:09:50,568 --> 00:09:52,528
Speaker 2: So in a way, that kind of was a bit

218
00:09:52,528 --> 00:09:52,848
Speaker 2: of an.

219
00:09:52,728 --> 00:09:55,048
Speaker 3: Appeal for me, knowing that he was really family oriented

220
00:09:55,088 --> 00:09:57,288
Speaker 3: and it would be a priority for him to make

221
00:09:57,328 --> 00:09:59,888
Speaker 3: sure that he could stop everything just to take care

222
00:09:59,928 --> 00:10:03,768
Speaker 3: of them. I did find him really intelligent, and he

223
00:10:03,808 --> 00:10:05,848
Speaker 3: would sort of just rip out these random comments and

224
00:10:05,928 --> 00:10:08,328
Speaker 3: I was like, where did you learn that? Or it

225
00:10:08,368 --> 00:10:10,408
Speaker 3: just kind of felt so really and then it kept

226
00:10:10,408 --> 00:10:12,968
Speaker 3: me on my toes a bit with the conversation that

227
00:10:13,048 --> 00:10:15,248
Speaker 3: it would also make me think, And I think I

228
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:18,208
Speaker 3: like to consider myself as someone who reflects a lot

229
00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:21,368
Speaker 3: on their own thoughts and behaviors, and I always want

230
00:10:21,408 --> 00:10:24,088
Speaker 3: to learn from people. So I found him really interesting

231
00:10:24,808 --> 00:10:27,808
Speaker 3: that he would challenge me, I think on some of those.

232
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:31,528
Speaker 3: But he was also very in touch with his emotions,

233
00:10:32,448 --> 00:10:35,448
Speaker 3: just a lot of articulation and I think expression of

234
00:10:35,488 --> 00:10:37,928
Speaker 3: those feelings, and that was absolutely something that I'd wanted

235
00:10:37,968 --> 00:10:40,768
Speaker 3: in a partner and something I always expect from someone

236
00:10:40,808 --> 00:10:44,328
Speaker 3: who was that much older than me as well. So

237
00:10:44,408 --> 00:10:47,088
Speaker 3: from there, I think I put in almost some boundaries

238
00:10:47,128 --> 00:10:49,288
Speaker 3: and it was, well, what I'm wanting out of this.

239
00:10:49,368 --> 00:10:52,168
Speaker 3: If we're continuing to talk and we're clearly building a

240
00:10:52,168 --> 00:10:53,328
Speaker 3: strong connection here.

241
00:10:53,568 --> 00:10:56,168
Speaker 2: The next step is to meet. So for me, I

242
00:10:56,208 --> 00:10:56,768
Speaker 2: think we had.

243
00:10:56,688 --> 00:11:00,328
Speaker 3: Started talking in September and I had said for New Years,

244
00:11:00,328 --> 00:11:02,768
Speaker 3: I'd really like for us to have met already, and

245
00:11:02,808 --> 00:11:04,928
Speaker 3: if that means that you have to come to Mailwy,

246
00:11:04,928 --> 00:11:07,448
Speaker 3: which I sort of at that point, was like, well,

247
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:09,528
Speaker 3: you were the one that has sort of chased me,

248
00:11:09,928 --> 00:11:12,648
Speaker 3: So have you come to Melvin if you're as keen

249
00:11:12,688 --> 00:11:15,128
Speaker 3: as you say you are, and come and meet me.

250
00:11:15,688 --> 00:11:18,848
Speaker 3: He initially agreed to that and then backed out. He

251
00:11:19,008 --> 00:11:22,128
Speaker 3: said to me, Look, I struggle with anxiety and it's

252
00:11:22,208 --> 00:11:26,008
Speaker 3: quite significant and I'm no longer working because of it,

253
00:11:26,488 --> 00:11:30,168
Speaker 3: and so financially that has become a real struggle. But

254
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:33,088
Speaker 3: also the anxiety is at the point where I think

255
00:11:33,088 --> 00:11:35,968
Speaker 3: it would stop me from getting on a plane to

256
00:11:36,008 --> 00:11:39,368
Speaker 3: come and see you. No, I was like, okay, well

257
00:11:39,368 --> 00:11:41,608
Speaker 3: I still feel something. I feel like there could be

258
00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:43,848
Speaker 3: something here. Do I need to be a little bit

259
00:11:43,888 --> 00:11:47,048
Speaker 3: more flexible, particularly because I'd been so rigid up until

260
00:11:47,088 --> 00:11:49,688
Speaker 3: now with sort of my thinking about dating that I

261
00:11:49,728 --> 00:11:53,368
Speaker 3: was like, look, I will come to you, but this

262
00:11:53,408 --> 00:11:54,848
Speaker 3: will be a one off and this will be just

263
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:57,728
Speaker 3: an opportunity for us to meet. I think it's worth us,

264
00:11:57,928 --> 00:12:00,288
Speaker 3: you know, seeing if there is a spark there, if not,

265
00:12:00,448 --> 00:12:03,728
Speaker 3: no harm done. He was super excited. There was a

266
00:12:03,808 --> 00:12:07,088
Speaker 3: lot of sort of counting down the days until we

267
00:12:07,168 --> 00:12:10,448
Speaker 3: got to meet, and we ended up meeting on Valentine's

268
00:12:10,528 --> 00:12:12,368
Speaker 3: Days and we were both.

269
00:12:12,208 --> 00:12:12,888
Speaker 2: Just really excited.

270
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:14,928
Speaker 3: It was Okay, where are we going to stay for

271
00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:17,168
Speaker 3: that weekend? And what are we going to do once

272
00:12:17,208 --> 00:12:20,128
Speaker 3: we're together? And oh my gosh, gosh, I hope you

273
00:12:20,248 --> 00:12:21,648
Speaker 3: like me, and I hope that I like you, and

274
00:12:21,688 --> 00:12:23,808
Speaker 3: I hope we do connect and then all of the

275
00:12:23,848 --> 00:12:26,648
Speaker 3: things that we've been sort of talking about or planning

276
00:12:27,048 --> 00:12:29,488
Speaker 3: come together really well. So there was a lot of

277
00:12:29,608 --> 00:12:32,128
Speaker 3: excitement I think from the two of us, which really

278
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:35,088
Speaker 3: felt mutual, which was also something that I wasn't quite

279
00:12:35,168 --> 00:12:37,368
Speaker 3: used to with the other guys I had dated.

280
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:41,128
Speaker 1: So in a complete departure, from the gen of the past.

281
00:12:41,488 --> 00:12:44,208
Speaker 1: She booked a flight and a hotel and jetted off

282
00:12:44,248 --> 00:12:45,568
Speaker 1: for their first proper date.

283
00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:48,608
Speaker 3: I remember being in the hotel room and doing my

284
00:12:48,728 --> 00:12:51,488
Speaker 3: hair and doing my makeup, and having some music playing,

285
00:12:51,568 --> 00:12:53,968
Speaker 3: and painting my nails and doing all of these things,

286
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:57,048
Speaker 3: and just counting down the minutes until he got there.

287
00:12:57,648 --> 00:13:00,928
Speaker 3: And then I almost started to get again anxious from

288
00:13:00,928 --> 00:13:03,648
Speaker 3: that excitement. I guess I've only just sort of started

289
00:13:03,688 --> 00:13:06,968
Speaker 3: dating the last six months, and every time I meet someone,

290
00:13:07,248 --> 00:13:10,368
Speaker 3: I feel really anxious, especially because he had sort of

291
00:13:10,408 --> 00:13:13,648
Speaker 3: mentioned to me that he also wasn't someone who dated.

292
00:13:14,088 --> 00:13:17,728
Speaker 3: He had never had a relationship before. He was also

293
00:13:17,768 --> 00:13:20,688
Speaker 3: a virgin, and that was something that I think we had.

294
00:13:20,888 --> 00:13:21,888
Speaker 2: Oh, I guess we'd.

295
00:13:21,688 --> 00:13:24,088
Speaker 3: Connected on a little bit. For him, I think there

296
00:13:24,088 --> 00:13:26,608
Speaker 3: was a bit more embarrassment about being a virgin because

297
00:13:26,648 --> 00:13:31,208
Speaker 3: he was thirty seven. I remember it being really awkward

298
00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:32,728
Speaker 3: to raise it, But I think I was having a

299
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:35,968
Speaker 3: Halloween party with my two best friends at that townhouse

300
00:13:35,968 --> 00:13:39,608
Speaker 3: that we had moved into, and he was feeling quite

301
00:13:39,608 --> 00:13:43,368
Speaker 3: worried that I might meet someone at that party, and

302
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,808
Speaker 3: I had sort of made some comments that about it's

303
00:13:45,808 --> 00:13:48,328
Speaker 3: not going to happen. It hasn't happened before, so it's

304
00:13:48,368 --> 00:13:50,048
Speaker 3: not going to happen. And I didn't want to use

305
00:13:50,088 --> 00:13:52,728
Speaker 3: the words I'm a virgin, so I would just say

306
00:13:52,808 --> 00:13:56,288
Speaker 3: things like, oh, I wouldn't know, and his response was

307
00:13:56,968 --> 00:14:00,328
Speaker 3: not necessarily shocked. But then over time started using the

308
00:14:00,368 --> 00:14:03,088
Speaker 3: same sort of terminology as me when I started questioning

309
00:14:03,168 --> 00:14:06,368
Speaker 3: him about his past sexual experiences and he had then

310
00:14:06,448 --> 00:14:07,928
Speaker 3: just come out and said, I'm the same as you.

311
00:14:08,728 --> 00:14:11,328
Speaker 3: We would both sort of about people that we'd had

312
00:14:11,408 --> 00:14:14,128
Speaker 3: crushes on before, experiences that we'd had that sort of

313
00:14:14,128 --> 00:14:17,448
Speaker 3: stopped before it got to that point of becoming sexual,

314
00:14:17,848 --> 00:14:19,848
Speaker 3: and so it almost felt like, in a way, we

315
00:14:19,848 --> 00:14:21,808
Speaker 3: feel like everyone's got some baggage or everyone's got an

316
00:14:22,008 --> 00:14:24,768
Speaker 3: x and for the two of us, we didn't at

317
00:14:24,768 --> 00:14:27,928
Speaker 3: that point, and all of those situations that we were

318
00:14:27,928 --> 00:14:30,728
Speaker 3: in with connections with us never resulted in anything that

319
00:14:30,808 --> 00:14:33,448
Speaker 3: got to that point. So it did feel really new

320
00:14:33,688 --> 00:14:36,128
Speaker 3: to the both of us. Finding that out I think

321
00:14:36,168 --> 00:14:40,048
Speaker 3: probably added to both of our anxieties for the day of.

322
00:14:40,928 --> 00:14:43,248
Speaker 2: Okay, well, we I have booked a hotel.

323
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:47,328
Speaker 3: Room of Valentine's Day, and you know we're both you

324
00:14:47,368 --> 00:14:50,568
Speaker 3: for someone the same reason there is a potential here

325
00:14:50,968 --> 00:14:54,408
Speaker 3: that we will sleep together, and what is that going

326
00:14:54,448 --> 00:14:56,488
Speaker 3: to be like? Because I can't rely on you to

327
00:14:56,568 --> 00:14:59,768
Speaker 3: kind of lead the way and vice versa, and so

328
00:14:59,848 --> 00:15:01,608
Speaker 3: we're both just going to be really awkward about this.

329
00:15:01,808 --> 00:15:02,928
Speaker 2: But maybe let's just laugh.

330
00:15:03,168 --> 00:15:05,888
Speaker 3: Let's just consider it that it will be an experience

331
00:15:05,968 --> 00:15:08,728
Speaker 3: that where we're sharing in for the first time, and

332
00:15:08,768 --> 00:15:11,048
Speaker 3: that we can just laugh about.

333
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:13,728
Speaker 1: With all of that in mind, and with Jen's mind,

334
00:15:13,808 --> 00:15:17,288
Speaker 1: heart and nerves racing, the time had finally come. Steve

335
00:15:17,408 --> 00:15:19,208
Speaker 1: was there at the hotel to meet the girl he'd

336
00:15:19,248 --> 00:15:21,008
Speaker 1: been pursuing for six months.

337
00:15:21,248 --> 00:15:25,048
Speaker 3: I remember him buzzing in and I had to take

338
00:15:25,088 --> 00:15:27,608
Speaker 3: the elevator and go down to collect him. And I

339
00:15:27,648 --> 00:15:32,288
Speaker 3: remember the doors opening and I was shaking. My hands

340
00:15:32,648 --> 00:15:35,368
Speaker 3: were shaking. I couldn't even press the button to get

341
00:15:35,408 --> 00:15:38,168
Speaker 3: back up to the floor. And we kind of didn't

342
00:15:38,208 --> 00:15:42,968
Speaker 3: know what to do with one another. It was just this, Okay,

343
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:45,008
Speaker 3: you're in the elevator, let's just be dead quiet until

344
00:15:45,048 --> 00:15:47,168
Speaker 3: we get up to the room. It was this, I've

345
00:15:47,168 --> 00:15:50,728
Speaker 3: been talking to you for so long, but I have

346
00:15:50,848 --> 00:15:53,408
Speaker 3: never seen you, and now we're in the space together,

347
00:15:53,528 --> 00:15:57,408
Speaker 3: and crap, there probably are some expectations, So how do

348
00:15:57,528 --> 00:15:59,568
Speaker 3: we take this slow enough that I don't know what

349
00:15:59,608 --> 00:16:01,888
Speaker 3: you're thinking, you don't know what I'm thinking. Once we

350
00:16:01,888 --> 00:16:03,768
Speaker 3: got into the room, though, he I think he gave

351
00:16:03,848 --> 00:16:07,088
Speaker 3: me a single rose, and I thought, oh, that's that's

352
00:16:07,128 --> 00:16:10,048
Speaker 3: actually really sweet and this is me a happy Valentine Day.

353
00:16:10,088 --> 00:16:12,688
Speaker 3: And we sat down on the couch and I think

354
00:16:12,768 --> 00:16:16,368
Speaker 3: I was avoiding looking at him. Think I was very awkward,

355
00:16:16,688 --> 00:16:19,048
Speaker 3: but I was realizing that he was way more nervous

356
00:16:19,088 --> 00:16:21,528
Speaker 3: than I was, so it wasn't only my hands that

357
00:16:21,528 --> 00:16:23,808
Speaker 3: were shaking, it was his as well, and he's continued

358
00:16:23,848 --> 00:16:25,968
Speaker 3: to shake for far longer than mine did. I think

359
00:16:26,088 --> 00:16:27,608
Speaker 3: I kind of got to that place where I could

360
00:16:27,648 --> 00:16:31,208
Speaker 3: then relax, and I almost felt sorry for him because

361
00:16:31,208 --> 00:16:33,168
Speaker 3: I could see how anxious he was that I felt

362
00:16:33,168 --> 00:16:35,128
Speaker 3: this sense of responsibility to.

363
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:36,688
Speaker 2: Help calm him.

364
00:16:37,168 --> 00:16:39,048
Speaker 3: During all the time that we're talking, you sort of

365
00:16:39,088 --> 00:16:41,248
Speaker 3: speak about those things like I can't I can't wait

366
00:16:41,248 --> 00:16:43,488
Speaker 3: to hold you or to hug you, or to kiss you,

367
00:16:43,888 --> 00:16:45,608
Speaker 3: and all of those things, and it was almost like

368
00:16:45,648 --> 00:16:48,608
Speaker 3: a but how do we know when that person wants

369
00:16:48,688 --> 00:16:50,808
Speaker 3: to do that? So I think with me, I've had

370
00:16:50,808 --> 00:16:53,808
Speaker 3: a few more experiences around that it was like, I'm

371
00:16:53,808 --> 00:16:55,168
Speaker 3: just going to go for it then, because I think

372
00:16:55,168 --> 00:16:57,488
Speaker 3: he's too anxious to try to kiss me. So I

373
00:16:57,528 --> 00:17:00,088
Speaker 3: remember doing that and he afterwards had said to me,

374
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:03,128
Speaker 3: I've never kissed anyone before. And I had to sort

375
00:17:03,128 --> 00:17:04,848
Speaker 3: of sit with that just for a second, just to

376
00:17:04,927 --> 00:17:08,247
Speaker 3: process because it wasn't something that had actually crossed my

377
00:17:08,288 --> 00:17:11,648
Speaker 3: mind that he hadn't even hissed a girl. I was,

378
00:17:12,167 --> 00:17:15,208
Speaker 3: I think, feeling mixed emotions, so it was still looking

379
00:17:15,248 --> 00:17:17,848
Speaker 3: at him being like, oh, I still actually don't know

380
00:17:17,888 --> 00:17:18,927
Speaker 3: if I'm attracted to you.

381
00:17:19,368 --> 00:17:21,288
Speaker 2: So he was this six foot.

382
00:17:21,168 --> 00:17:25,368
Speaker 3: Three guy with shoulder length brown hair and facial hair,

383
00:17:25,648 --> 00:17:25,928
Speaker 3: and I.

384
00:17:25,888 --> 00:17:28,288
Speaker 2: Was like, typically, that's that sounds pretty hot.

385
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:32,608
Speaker 3: But there was something that I think was stopping me

386
00:17:32,648 --> 00:17:35,128
Speaker 3: from fully leaning in in a way. And I don't

387
00:17:35,168 --> 00:17:37,648
Speaker 3: know if it was more this focus emotionally on this

388
00:17:37,688 --> 00:17:40,368
Speaker 3: is someone I want to help, but there was there

389
00:17:40,368 --> 00:17:43,808
Speaker 3: was obviously enough sexual tension. I guess that we sort

390
00:17:43,848 --> 00:17:46,248
Speaker 3: of continue trying to figure out one another.

391
00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:49,008
Speaker 2: On that weekend, we did end up.

392
00:17:48,968 --> 00:17:53,528
Speaker 3: In bed together, and what I remember is it being

393
00:17:54,248 --> 00:17:55,888
Speaker 3: you don't get a manual on it, and you know

394
00:17:55,928 --> 00:17:59,968
Speaker 3: how logistically, but I think when you're.

395
00:17:59,808 --> 00:18:03,808
Speaker 2: Both that nervous and very much sober. It's kind of this.

396
00:18:04,488 --> 00:18:06,608
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think he was struggling a little bit, and

397
00:18:06,688 --> 00:18:10,928
Speaker 3: I had made a comment that it shouldn't be that hard,

398
00:18:11,408 --> 00:18:14,848
Speaker 3: and he obviously didn't take that well and it wasn't

399
00:18:15,088 --> 00:18:16,967
Speaker 3: said in the way that it came out, and I

400
00:18:17,048 --> 00:18:19,927
Speaker 3: tried to obviously can't take it back, but I tried

401
00:18:20,008 --> 00:18:22,407
Speaker 3: to smooth that over a little bit and try to

402
00:18:22,408 --> 00:18:25,888
Speaker 3: explain what I meant. But he had absolutely taken that heart.

403
00:18:26,368 --> 00:18:28,568
Speaker 3: He kept saying how attracted he was to me and everything.

404
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:32,248
Speaker 3: But I did know that he was still incredibly anxious,

405
00:18:32,248 --> 00:18:34,407
Speaker 3: and I did sort of try to give him some space.

406
00:18:34,448 --> 00:18:36,968
Speaker 2: But we were in a one bedroom room.

407
00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:39,808
Speaker 3: So he's sitting there at the table, and it was

408
00:18:39,848 --> 00:18:43,008
Speaker 3: awful because his head's in his hands, and I was like,

409
00:18:43,048 --> 00:18:47,048
Speaker 3: oh God, again, how do I make this better for

410
00:18:47,128 --> 00:18:50,568
Speaker 3: him or make him feel more comfortable with what's just happened,

411
00:18:50,968 --> 00:18:52,528
Speaker 3: And how do I say it's okay, let's just give.

412
00:18:52,408 --> 00:18:52,808
Speaker 2: It another go.

413
00:18:53,608 --> 00:19:00,128
Speaker 3: And we did, and then that happened, and yeah continued,

414
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,808
Speaker 3: I guess, just to explore one another a little bit

415
00:19:03,128 --> 00:19:06,447
Speaker 3: during that night. The next day, I remember waking up

416
00:19:06,488 --> 00:19:09,048
Speaker 3: and it was just like, oh, oh, yeah, we did

417
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:13,528
Speaker 3: this yesterday. We finally ended up meeting and we have connected,

418
00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:15,888
Speaker 3: and yes, super awkward, but this is going to be

419
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:18,768
Speaker 3: hilarious for us to go back and tell our friends

420
00:19:18,768 --> 00:19:21,568
Speaker 3: about anyway. But I feel like there's still enough here

421
00:19:21,608 --> 00:19:24,528
Speaker 3: that we have met and I'd like to see you again, so.

422
00:19:24,448 --> 00:19:27,128
Speaker 2: We kind of yeah. Continued that same.

423
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:29,528
Speaker 3: Thing for the next two days, where it very much

424
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:32,687
Speaker 3: felt like spending a lot of time in bed. I

425
00:19:32,728 --> 00:19:35,968
Speaker 3: do actually remember looking at the ceiling a lot. I'd

426
00:19:35,968 --> 00:19:38,088
Speaker 3: made a few comments because I start to get Cavin fever,

427
00:19:39,528 --> 00:19:41,648
Speaker 3: and again, when I'm in a different state, I'm.

428
00:19:41,528 --> 00:19:43,728
Speaker 2: Like, what's there to see? What's there to do?

429
00:19:44,088 --> 00:19:45,968
Speaker 3: Take me out and show me around, show me where

430
00:19:46,008 --> 00:19:48,328
Speaker 3: you went to school or you know, where you worked,

431
00:19:48,408 --> 00:19:50,888
Speaker 3: or where you've lived before, and things like that. So

432
00:19:50,968 --> 00:19:54,048
Speaker 3: I really wanted to be more part of his journey

433
00:19:54,128 --> 00:19:57,488
Speaker 3: and see more of his life and his upbringing, and

434
00:19:57,568 --> 00:19:59,248
Speaker 3: he would just shut it down and it would be

435
00:19:59,288 --> 00:20:03,208
Speaker 3: a no, no, we're comfortable here. I'm not really comfortable

436
00:20:03,248 --> 00:20:06,368
Speaker 3: going out, and I'm feeling really anxious, and I don't drive,

437
00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:08,687
Speaker 3: so we would have to get onto the train or

438
00:20:08,688 --> 00:20:11,048
Speaker 3: the bus and do those things, and I just want

439
00:20:11,048 --> 00:20:12,728
Speaker 3: to spend the quality time with you.

440
00:20:13,408 --> 00:20:15,687
Speaker 1: Once the initial awkwardness was out of the way, the

441
00:20:15,728 --> 00:20:18,848
Speaker 1: connection they had was even clearer. They'd had a great time,

442
00:20:19,008 --> 00:20:20,488
Speaker 1: so started talking about if or.

443
00:20:20,488 --> 00:20:22,927
Speaker 3: When it could happen again, and it was a this

444
00:20:23,008 --> 00:20:24,528
Speaker 3: has been really lovely and I actually do want to

445
00:20:24,568 --> 00:20:27,128
Speaker 3: see you again, so can we can we talk about

446
00:20:27,288 --> 00:20:29,568
Speaker 3: seeing each other again, and for him it was the

447
00:20:29,568 --> 00:20:32,167
Speaker 3: same conversation of all, I want to see you again, absolutely,

448
00:20:32,368 --> 00:20:33,927
Speaker 3: but I don't have the money to be able to

449
00:20:33,928 --> 00:20:36,408
Speaker 3: book that right now. I can't come and see you.

450
00:20:36,848 --> 00:20:38,568
Speaker 3: And I had said, that's fine, how bad. I just

451
00:20:38,608 --> 00:20:41,407
Speaker 3: booked the plane for you. I'd love for you to

452
00:20:41,488 --> 00:20:44,207
Speaker 3: come to Melvin to see me and see where I

453
00:20:44,248 --> 00:20:46,008
Speaker 3: grew up and all those same things that I wanted

454
00:20:46,008 --> 00:20:49,088
Speaker 3: to experience with him, and he agreed to that at

455
00:20:49,088 --> 00:20:51,848
Speaker 3: that point in time. So yeah, I think we left

456
00:20:52,448 --> 00:20:55,928
Speaker 3: feeling quite giddy still about one another and that there

457
00:20:56,048 --> 00:20:57,768
Speaker 3: was still a connection there, and it was all kind

458
00:20:57,808 --> 00:21:00,368
Speaker 3: of cute and awkward in a way that you almost

459
00:21:00,448 --> 00:21:04,207
Speaker 3: expect as a teenager, that real sort of excitement and

460
00:21:04,248 --> 00:21:08,448
Speaker 3: butterflies and cringe, Like there's plenty of cringe. But I

461
00:21:08,488 --> 00:21:10,928
Speaker 3: remember getting back on that plane and I had the rose,

462
00:21:10,968 --> 00:21:13,088
Speaker 3: and everyone that would walk past would comment how nice

463
00:21:13,128 --> 00:21:16,728
Speaker 3: it was that I'd been given a rose for Valentine's Day,

464
00:21:16,928 --> 00:21:19,728
Speaker 3: and that sort of became his thing, I think, to

465
00:21:19,728 --> 00:21:20,888
Speaker 3: give me flowers.

466
00:21:21,408 --> 00:21:22,088
Speaker 2: True, that was.

467
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:24,968
Speaker 3: Never something I'd received from man before. Flowers was never

468
00:21:25,008 --> 00:21:28,368
Speaker 3: a thing. So it was nice that he had that romantic.

469
00:21:28,048 --> 00:21:29,568
Speaker 2: Touch and it had worked.

470
00:21:29,728 --> 00:21:32,687
Speaker 1: The feelings were well and truly there even before this

471
00:21:32,768 --> 00:21:33,728
Speaker 1: initial meeting.

472
00:21:33,848 --> 00:21:36,168
Speaker 2: Before we had even met. I think we'd only been.

473
00:21:36,128 --> 00:21:39,808
Speaker 3: Texting for about three weeks when he used the LT word,

474
00:21:40,408 --> 00:21:42,448
Speaker 3: and a big part of me was like, oh, this

475
00:21:42,528 --> 00:21:45,288
Speaker 3: is love bone. You've never even met me, how can

476
00:21:45,328 --> 00:21:48,088
Speaker 3: you use that word? But even saying that was almost

477
00:21:48,128 --> 00:21:50,808
Speaker 3: like I knew that he meant it, and I knew

478
00:21:50,888 --> 00:21:53,568
Speaker 3: that for him it was very real. So it did

479
00:21:53,728 --> 00:21:56,368
Speaker 3: take me back for a bit also because I don't

480
00:21:56,968 --> 00:22:00,167
Speaker 3: I'd never said that to anyone else before either, and

481
00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:03,008
Speaker 3: it definitely took me a bit longer to say it back.

482
00:22:03,368 --> 00:22:05,208
Speaker 3: But it wasn't something that he would then shy away

483
00:22:05,208 --> 00:22:06,167
Speaker 3: from after he'd said it.

484
00:22:06,648 --> 00:22:08,208
Speaker 2: I would say after.

485
00:22:08,128 --> 00:22:10,968
Speaker 3: We left that first time of meeting that we were

486
00:22:11,128 --> 00:22:13,968
Speaker 3: in a relationship, that we had both agreed yep, boyfriend

487
00:22:13,968 --> 00:22:16,848
Speaker 3: and girlfriend, and probably from his side of things, he

488
00:22:16,848 --> 00:22:20,008
Speaker 3: probably would have said that happened much earlier, and I

489
00:22:20,008 --> 00:22:23,248
Speaker 3: guess technically I wasn't seeing anyone else, I wasn't talking

490
00:22:23,248 --> 00:22:26,407
Speaker 3: to anyone else, so without the label, we'd both I guess,

491
00:22:26,688 --> 00:22:30,528
Speaker 3: committed to one another in that space without using the terminology.

492
00:22:30,928 --> 00:22:32,568
Speaker 3: But I can see that it was an important thing

493
00:22:32,648 --> 00:22:35,888
Speaker 3: for him to feel anyway, because he could be quite jealous,

494
00:22:36,128 --> 00:22:38,328
Speaker 3: so if I went out with friends, he would blow

495
00:22:38,368 --> 00:22:40,968
Speaker 3: my phone up and be sending me lots of text

496
00:22:40,968 --> 00:22:44,207
Speaker 3: messages just to not necessarily a way of accusing me

497
00:22:44,248 --> 00:22:46,808
Speaker 3: of anything, but just more I'm here. Let me know

498
00:22:46,848 --> 00:22:48,848
Speaker 3: that you know I'm still important to you as well.

499
00:22:48,928 --> 00:22:51,248
Speaker 3: If you respond, then I know that I'm on your

500
00:22:51,288 --> 00:22:54,488
Speaker 3: mind as much as you're online. So I guess for me,

501
00:22:54,648 --> 00:22:58,648
Speaker 3: it took me at least two to three months longer

502
00:22:59,128 --> 00:23:02,768
Speaker 3: to use that our word. I wanted to ensure that

503
00:23:02,848 --> 00:23:05,608
Speaker 3: I was ready enough then I really did genuinely feel it,

504
00:23:05,728 --> 00:23:07,648
Speaker 3: rather than just saying it to appease him or to

505
00:23:08,048 --> 00:23:12,168
Speaker 3: reassure him, So that in itself was quite a special moment.

506
00:23:12,208 --> 00:23:16,167
Speaker 2: I think of the two of us.

507
00:23:15,088 --> 00:23:17,808
Speaker 3: It was a genuine connection between the two of us.

508
00:23:18,288 --> 00:23:20,488
Speaker 3: There was a lot of really sweet moments, and again

509
00:23:20,528 --> 00:23:23,608
Speaker 3: I think he was very thoughtful. He was very much

510
00:23:23,648 --> 00:23:26,248
Speaker 3: as I think his love language was gift getting. For

511
00:23:26,328 --> 00:23:27,968
Speaker 3: my birthday, he had gone for a walk down to

512
00:23:28,008 --> 00:23:29,928
Speaker 3: the park and just picked a whole lot of flowers

513
00:23:30,208 --> 00:23:32,328
Speaker 3: and sent me photos and said, I'm not with you

514
00:23:32,368 --> 00:23:34,288
Speaker 3: for your birthday, but just so you know, these are

515
00:23:34,288 --> 00:23:36,288
Speaker 3: few and I'm thinking of you, and if you were here,

516
00:23:36,768 --> 00:23:38,888
Speaker 3: i'd be able to give them to you. There was

517
00:23:38,928 --> 00:23:41,568
Speaker 3: a time where he sent me Beats headphones to my

518
00:23:41,848 --> 00:23:44,568
Speaker 3: work that I had sort of said, I'd prefer time

519
00:23:44,608 --> 00:23:47,328
Speaker 3: with you over gifts like and that is something that

520
00:23:47,408 --> 00:23:51,288
Speaker 3: I quality. Time for me much more important than receiving

521
00:23:51,448 --> 00:23:52,208
Speaker 3: these headphones.

522
00:23:52,288 --> 00:23:53,968
Speaker 2: But thank you. That was really thoughtful.

523
00:23:54,328 --> 00:23:56,247
Speaker 3: But continued to do those things, so in a way

524
00:23:56,288 --> 00:23:58,167
Speaker 3: it was this hard thing for me. Well, he's thinking

525
00:23:58,168 --> 00:24:00,008
Speaker 3: of me, and he wants to spend what he has

526
00:24:00,048 --> 00:24:02,528
Speaker 3: on me to let me know because we can't physically

527
00:24:02,528 --> 00:24:04,888
Speaker 3: be together all the time, so he's trying to let

528
00:24:04,888 --> 00:24:06,927
Speaker 3: me know in his own way that he's thinking of me.

529
00:24:07,528 --> 00:24:08,967
Speaker 2: Isn't that what every girl wants? You know?

530
00:24:10,448 --> 00:24:12,848
Speaker 3: You know, a man to send her nice things and

531
00:24:13,368 --> 00:24:15,808
Speaker 3: to be thinking of her and try to make her

532
00:24:15,848 --> 00:24:18,447
Speaker 3: life easy with the things that he's sending, because that

533
00:24:18,608 --> 00:24:21,288
Speaker 3: was something for him too. That he would often send

534
00:24:21,288 --> 00:24:23,928
Speaker 3: me things that I would in a passing comment say

535
00:24:24,128 --> 00:24:26,407
Speaker 3: that I needed, and in a day or two it

536
00:24:26,408 --> 00:24:29,848
Speaker 3: would show up on my doorstep or at the work office.

537
00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:32,568
Speaker 3: And he would often be sending me flowers to the

538
00:24:32,608 --> 00:24:35,447
Speaker 3: office as well, so my desk was always filled in

539
00:24:35,528 --> 00:24:39,128
Speaker 3: different bouquets of flowers. And obviously that there was a

540
00:24:39,128 --> 00:24:41,968
Speaker 3: fair bit of jealousy I think in the office because

541
00:24:41,968 --> 00:24:44,447
Speaker 3: of that, but it was very romantic, so there was

542
00:24:44,768 --> 00:24:46,848
Speaker 3: that side of him letting He was trying to let

543
00:24:46,888 --> 00:24:49,008
Speaker 3: me know that he would take care of me, even

544
00:24:49,048 --> 00:24:51,128
Speaker 3: if he wasn't able to do that there physically.

545
00:24:51,488 --> 00:24:53,608
Speaker 1: But when were they seeing each other physically.

546
00:24:53,968 --> 00:24:57,648
Speaker 3: We were probably seeing each other every three months, and

547
00:24:57,688 --> 00:24:59,528
Speaker 3: if I had to take off a couple of extra

548
00:24:59,608 --> 00:25:01,888
Speaker 3: days from work, then I would do that to have

549
00:25:02,008 --> 00:25:05,048
Speaker 3: a longer period of time with him. But it was

550
00:25:05,128 --> 00:25:07,608
Speaker 3: for the first three years it was me traveling to

551
00:25:07,648 --> 00:25:10,768
Speaker 3: see him getting a plane there, and when I would

552
00:25:10,768 --> 00:25:13,048
Speaker 3: suggest to him that he comes to me, he would say,

553
00:25:13,048 --> 00:25:14,408
Speaker 3: I'm just not ready to do that, and I don't

554
00:25:14,408 --> 00:25:16,368
Speaker 3: think a plane. So there were a couple of times

555
00:25:16,408 --> 00:25:19,048
Speaker 3: I did actually just gone by him a flight and

556
00:25:19,088 --> 00:25:21,368
Speaker 3: he would say, I'm not ready to get on that plane.

557
00:25:21,488 --> 00:25:23,167
Speaker 3: And I'm also someone that struggles a fair bit with

558
00:25:23,248 --> 00:25:25,927
Speaker 3: anxiety too, so I think I really related to some

559
00:25:26,008 --> 00:25:29,008
Speaker 3: of what he was saying and just thought, my goodness,

560
00:25:28,728 --> 00:25:32,288
Speaker 3: this could still really be something if I can help

561
00:25:32,328 --> 00:25:36,768
Speaker 3: him through this. But as someone who has some shared experiences,

562
00:25:37,568 --> 00:25:39,768
Speaker 3: I've been able to create my own tools to move

563
00:25:39,808 --> 00:25:43,488
Speaker 3: past a lot of those feelings, and maybe it takes

564
00:25:43,528 --> 00:25:46,167
Speaker 3: the baby steps, So maybe I have to role model

565
00:25:46,688 --> 00:25:49,168
Speaker 3: some of that to him first and meet him halfway.

566
00:25:49,288 --> 00:25:51,368
Speaker 3: So get him to a point where he's comfortable and

567
00:25:51,408 --> 00:25:54,008
Speaker 3: confident enough in me to be able to support him

568
00:25:54,048 --> 00:25:57,848
Speaker 3: through some of those challenges that he's facing. I think

569
00:25:57,928 --> 00:26:01,168
Speaker 3: I in my head thought, just give him a little

570
00:26:01,168 --> 00:26:03,648
Speaker 3: bit more grace, a little bit more time, and he'll

571
00:26:03,688 --> 00:26:05,288
Speaker 3: be able to push through this.

572
00:26:05,648 --> 00:26:07,648
Speaker 1: The best way she could help for now was not

573
00:26:07,808 --> 00:26:10,528
Speaker 1: forcing him to get on a plane, so she kept

574
00:26:10,528 --> 00:26:13,167
Speaker 1: on flying up to him, but after a few times,

575
00:26:13,248 --> 00:26:14,688
Speaker 1: not even that would always go to plant.

576
00:26:15,088 --> 00:26:17,488
Speaker 3: There were times where I would walk down to go

577
00:26:17,528 --> 00:26:20,447
Speaker 3: and collect him and he would walk straight past me

578
00:26:20,568 --> 00:26:24,168
Speaker 3: and go straight into the elevator. I'd be like, oh, well,

579
00:26:24,168 --> 00:26:26,248
Speaker 3: that's not the way that I was hoping to be

580
00:26:26,288 --> 00:26:28,848
Speaker 3: greeted after not seeing you for a couple of months,

581
00:26:29,248 --> 00:26:30,888
Speaker 3: and he's like, we just need to get up to.

582
00:26:30,808 --> 00:26:35,248
Speaker 2: The room, and his anxiety would be so bad. I

583
00:26:35,288 --> 00:26:37,288
Speaker 2: did make his fortieth birthday very special.

584
00:26:37,928 --> 00:26:41,128
Speaker 3: I had booked hotel room that was overseeing the Sydney

585
00:26:41,168 --> 00:26:41,928
Speaker 3: Harbor Bridge.

586
00:26:42,368 --> 00:26:43,088
Speaker 2: It was stunning.

587
00:26:43,128 --> 00:26:46,848
Speaker 3: I had ordered a whole lot of balloons as well,

588
00:26:46,968 --> 00:26:49,848
Speaker 3: with helium balloons that covered the room, so that when

589
00:26:49,848 --> 00:26:52,048
Speaker 3: he would walk in, there'd be all of these balloons

590
00:26:52,048 --> 00:26:54,967
Speaker 3: and he's got this beautiful sort of sight of the bridge.

591
00:26:55,448 --> 00:26:58,927
Speaker 3: And he, yeah, just stopped messaging me, and so I

592
00:26:59,048 --> 00:27:02,568
Speaker 3: was waiting for him, just sitting there. He showed up

593
00:27:02,608 --> 00:27:04,648
Speaker 3: the next day, and you know when that happens, I

594
00:27:04,688 --> 00:27:08,128
Speaker 3: think the endorphins all kicking and you're all excited again.

595
00:27:08,208 --> 00:27:09,888
Speaker 3: And we were able to spend a little bit of

596
00:27:09,968 --> 00:27:11,728
Speaker 3: time together. But I'd spent a lot of money and

597
00:27:11,768 --> 00:27:14,488
Speaker 3: it had hoped that he'd be more respectful of me

598
00:27:14,648 --> 00:27:17,048
Speaker 3: to at least give me a heads up, but he

599
00:27:17,088 --> 00:27:20,168
Speaker 3: almost turned it around that it was my fault because

600
00:27:20,208 --> 00:27:22,288
Speaker 3: I knew that he was anxious and that he has

601
00:27:22,368 --> 00:27:25,728
Speaker 3: a lot of challenges being able to work up the

602
00:27:25,808 --> 00:27:29,167
Speaker 3: courage to be able to get on public transport to

603
00:27:29,208 --> 00:27:33,008
Speaker 3: come and see me. There was definitely more times where

604
00:27:33,008 --> 00:27:36,207
Speaker 3: he was late or had me feeling really disappointed and

605
00:27:36,408 --> 00:27:40,848
Speaker 3: just sad, really really sad. I think there were the

606
00:27:40,888 --> 00:27:42,848
Speaker 3: times that I would get because I would get dressed up.

607
00:27:42,888 --> 00:27:45,728
Speaker 3: I would spend hours in the morning shower and the

608
00:27:45,808 --> 00:27:48,568
Speaker 3: hair and the makeup and picking the perfect outfit, even

609
00:27:48,608 --> 00:27:49,848
Speaker 3: though I knew we were just going to sit in

610
00:27:49,848 --> 00:27:52,568
Speaker 3: that room, we weren't going to go anywhere, but it

611
00:27:52,648 --> 00:27:54,687
Speaker 3: was just a I want to look good for you,

612
00:27:54,768 --> 00:27:56,927
Speaker 3: and I want you to be impressed when you see me.

613
00:27:57,768 --> 00:28:01,207
Speaker 3: It was also a time where I assumed he was coming.

614
00:28:01,688 --> 00:28:05,248
Speaker 3: It was actually my thirtieth birthday. I purchased a flight

615
00:28:05,408 --> 00:28:06,888
Speaker 3: for him to come and see me, and I just

616
00:28:06,928 --> 00:28:10,848
Speaker 3: didn't hear from him. It was absolutely just went mia

617
00:28:11,008 --> 00:28:14,288
Speaker 3: And obviously my response to that was really pissed off

618
00:28:14,328 --> 00:28:18,167
Speaker 3: with you. You know, this was my thirtieth birthday. You

619
00:28:18,208 --> 00:28:21,008
Speaker 3: had an opportunity to make that really special. But not

620
00:28:21,048 --> 00:28:24,208
Speaker 3: only are you not showing up, you just disappear. I

621
00:28:24,248 --> 00:28:26,288
Speaker 3: think I messaged him that morning because I knew that

622
00:28:26,288 --> 00:28:27,888
Speaker 3: he was supposed to be on the flight, and I

623
00:28:28,008 --> 00:28:30,568
Speaker 3: messaged a few times and it was like, I'm hoping

624
00:28:30,608 --> 00:28:33,328
Speaker 3: that you're at the airport, or I hope you have

625
00:28:33,368 --> 00:28:35,968
Speaker 3: a safe flight, and there was just nothing, and so

626
00:28:36,368 --> 00:28:38,408
Speaker 3: at that point that he should have been on the flight,

627
00:28:38,448 --> 00:28:40,528
Speaker 3: I just texted and said I assume you're not coming,

628
00:28:41,168 --> 00:28:44,248
Speaker 3: and didn't get anything for several hours afterwards. But when

629
00:28:44,248 --> 00:28:46,568
Speaker 3: he did reply, it was a you know that I

630
00:28:46,648 --> 00:28:49,528
Speaker 3: wasn't going to come anyway, and I was like, well, no,

631
00:28:49,688 --> 00:28:53,408
Speaker 3: I didn't. You would agreed to I knew that there

632
00:28:53,448 --> 00:28:55,648
Speaker 3: was a chance that you wouldn't, because obviously, you know

633
00:28:55,648 --> 00:28:59,208
Speaker 3: your anxiety has been so significant up until this point. However,

634
00:28:59,248 --> 00:29:00,368
Speaker 3: you told me that you want to be there, and

635
00:29:00,408 --> 00:29:02,488
Speaker 3: I did think for my thirtieth birthday that you would

636
00:29:02,688 --> 00:29:05,528
Speaker 3: do everything in your power to push through in a

637
00:29:05,568 --> 00:29:08,968
Speaker 3: way that I would for you. I tried giving him

638
00:29:08,968 --> 00:29:11,728
Speaker 3: the tools because I was like, I understand anxiety enough

639
00:29:11,768 --> 00:29:13,808
Speaker 3: that you need a little bit more help than just

640
00:29:13,848 --> 00:29:16,968
Speaker 3: what I'm offering. So I said to him, I understand

641
00:29:17,008 --> 00:29:18,688
Speaker 3: that you're probably gonna have to go and see your

642
00:29:18,688 --> 00:29:21,688
Speaker 3: doctor and ask for a mental health care treatment plan.

643
00:29:21,968 --> 00:29:24,888
Speaker 3: I think therapy would be fantastic, and I think therapy

644
00:29:24,888 --> 00:29:28,008
Speaker 3: would be fantastic for everyone, but also you're likely to

645
00:29:28,048 --> 00:29:32,568
Speaker 3: need medication because of how significant your anxiety is. And

646
00:29:32,608 --> 00:29:34,848
Speaker 3: there was always these excuses for him as to why

647
00:29:34,888 --> 00:29:37,808
Speaker 3: he couldn't do that. So for the first three years,

648
00:29:38,208 --> 00:29:40,408
Speaker 3: every two to three months, I would go and be

649
00:29:40,448 --> 00:29:43,568
Speaker 3: in that same situation where I would just sit and cry,

650
00:29:43,648 --> 00:29:47,448
Speaker 3: and I was absolutely devastated every single time. Because I

651
00:29:47,448 --> 00:29:51,408
Speaker 3: always thought that it would be different. It became incredibly

652
00:29:51,488 --> 00:29:55,408
Speaker 3: financially challenging for me. He would where he could, he

653
00:29:55,448 --> 00:29:58,688
Speaker 3: would absolutely contribute, you know, on occasion. There were times

654
00:29:58,728 --> 00:30:01,568
Speaker 3: where he absolutely would pay for a flight. But I

655
00:30:01,648 --> 00:30:04,688
Speaker 3: started realizing quite early on it as well that the

656
00:30:04,688 --> 00:30:06,728
Speaker 3: way that he would get his money he was uncent

657
00:30:06,808 --> 00:30:08,888
Speaker 3: to link. But that wasn't enough for him to live,

658
00:30:09,208 --> 00:30:13,048
Speaker 3: let alone be able to provide anything. So horse racing

659
00:30:13,648 --> 00:30:17,128
Speaker 3: was something that he had a keen interest in and

660
00:30:17,168 --> 00:30:22,128
Speaker 3: it became significantly gambling generally on the Fridays and Saturdays

661
00:30:22,128 --> 00:30:27,048
Speaker 3: with the big days for him. When he first started

662
00:30:27,088 --> 00:30:29,888
Speaker 3: talking about the gambling it, he wasn't using those terms

663
00:30:29,928 --> 00:30:32,608
Speaker 3: of gamble you know, it was very much like I

664
00:30:33,448 --> 00:30:36,968
Speaker 3: struggle financially because I cannot work because of my anxiety

665
00:30:37,008 --> 00:30:39,768
Speaker 3: being so significant that I need to find other ways

666
00:30:39,808 --> 00:30:41,848
Speaker 3: to make money, and the way that.

667
00:30:41,888 --> 00:30:44,648
Speaker 2: Works best for me is horses.

668
00:30:45,488 --> 00:30:47,688
Speaker 3: He'd said in the past he had come to Melbourne

669
00:30:47,688 --> 00:30:50,768
Speaker 3: and he'd gone to the races and made this much money,

670
00:30:51,008 --> 00:30:53,008
Speaker 3: and he's like, it's just something I like doing because

671
00:30:53,008 --> 00:30:54,568
Speaker 3: it's a little bit of extra cash. Then I know

672
00:30:54,848 --> 00:30:56,728
Speaker 3: my rent's paid, but I might be able to get

673
00:30:56,768 --> 00:31:00,448
Speaker 3: myself some shoes as well without extra cash. But it's

674
00:31:00,488 --> 00:31:02,368
Speaker 3: something that I'm really good at, that I've always been

675
00:31:02,408 --> 00:31:04,768
Speaker 3: good at, and that's how I'll make my extra cash

676
00:31:04,848 --> 00:31:08,528
Speaker 3: until I'm able to get myself a job. So for me,

677
00:31:08,528 --> 00:31:10,088
Speaker 3: it was kind of like, I can understand it's just

678
00:31:10,248 --> 00:31:12,808
Speaker 3: a means to an end. But as time went on,

679
00:31:12,888 --> 00:31:15,408
Speaker 3: and it was every Friday and Saturday, and then his

680
00:31:15,528 --> 00:31:18,128
Speaker 3: mood would shift depending on whether or not he would

681
00:31:18,128 --> 00:31:18,808
Speaker 3: win or lose.

682
00:31:19,328 --> 00:31:20,728
Speaker 2: If he lost a lot.

683
00:31:20,608 --> 00:31:23,008
Speaker 3: Of money, he'd go silent on me, and then it

684
00:31:23,008 --> 00:31:25,688
Speaker 3: would be things he would say, things like, you take

685
00:31:25,768 --> 00:31:27,848
Speaker 3: up all my time, so I can't study the form.

686
00:31:28,528 --> 00:31:31,048
Speaker 3: So if I didn't have this time with you, and

687
00:31:31,128 --> 00:31:33,568
Speaker 3: it wasn't focusing on you. Then maybe I would have money,

688
00:31:33,568 --> 00:31:35,048
Speaker 3: and maybe I would have all these things in my

689
00:31:35,088 --> 00:31:38,608
Speaker 3: life that I want and I need, and I would

690
00:31:38,608 --> 00:31:41,928
Speaker 3: allow the way that he reacted to me or responded

691
00:31:41,968 --> 00:31:45,768
Speaker 3: to me affect my overall wellbeing. I think so if

692
00:31:45,808 --> 00:31:47,368
Speaker 3: he was mad at me, then I would just feel

693
00:31:47,408 --> 00:31:49,808
Speaker 3: really crappy for the rest of the day, and I

694
00:31:49,848 --> 00:31:52,368
Speaker 3: would then do everything I could to try to make

695
00:31:52,368 --> 00:31:55,608
Speaker 3: it up to him, because I could see that he

696
00:31:55,728 --> 00:31:57,568
Speaker 3: was spending a lot of time on me, and I

697
00:31:57,568 --> 00:32:00,448
Speaker 3: could see that it might stop him from doing those things.

698
00:32:00,848 --> 00:32:04,368
Speaker 1: This brought in another even bigger issue between them, one

699
00:32:04,368 --> 00:32:07,008
Speaker 1: that could have and maybe should have broken them, and

700
00:32:07,168 --> 00:32:08,608
Speaker 1: well did kind of.

701
00:32:11,328 --> 00:32:14,128
Speaker 2: We would break up every three days pretty much without fail.

702
00:32:15,008 --> 00:32:17,528
Speaker 3: There would be an argument between the two of us,

703
00:32:17,728 --> 00:32:19,568
Speaker 3: where it would either be it would be either of

704
00:32:19,648 --> 00:32:22,728
Speaker 3: us initiating that. It might be just me saying this

705
00:32:22,888 --> 00:32:24,648
Speaker 3: isn't working for me, this is not I want what

706
00:32:24,728 --> 00:32:27,488
Speaker 3: I want, or it would be him saying, actually, I

707
00:32:27,528 --> 00:32:29,728
Speaker 3: need to focus in on myself and get myself sorted.

708
00:32:29,768 --> 00:32:32,288
Speaker 3: I can't be with someone right now. And the fights

709
00:32:32,288 --> 00:32:35,488
Speaker 3: were bad, they were really bad, and it kind of

710
00:32:35,488 --> 00:32:38,128
Speaker 3: almost just started to feel like a bit normal, and

711
00:32:38,168 --> 00:32:39,888
Speaker 3: I knew it wasn't like you know in your head

712
00:32:40,048 --> 00:32:43,368
Speaker 3: it isn't, but you also when you want something so badly,

713
00:32:43,728 --> 00:32:45,408
Speaker 3: and I think for me, I didn't have anything to

714
00:32:45,448 --> 00:32:48,288
Speaker 3: compare it to, and I don't think he did either,

715
00:32:48,968 --> 00:32:52,248
Speaker 3: So it kind of felt like, well, the fighting is

716
00:32:52,288 --> 00:32:53,848
Speaker 3: because we love each other so much.

717
00:32:54,008 --> 00:32:55,048
Speaker 2: It's passion.

718
00:32:55,368 --> 00:32:57,248
Speaker 3: And he would use those words. If I had asked

719
00:32:57,328 --> 00:32:59,968
Speaker 3: him to describe our relationship all love, he would say

720
00:33:00,008 --> 00:33:04,248
Speaker 3: it's all consuming and intoxicating, and he would use that

721
00:33:04,288 --> 00:33:07,648
Speaker 3: sort of language to describe our relationship, which I'd just

722
00:33:07,688 --> 00:33:09,968
Speaker 3: be like, oh, wow, someone feels that way.

723
00:33:10,168 --> 00:33:11,768
Speaker 2: Wow, there's such beautiful.

724
00:33:11,288 --> 00:33:14,848
Speaker 3: Works and then really not, they're really not be in

725
00:33:14,888 --> 00:33:18,728
Speaker 3: those moments, you're you're absolutely yeah. Like I was besotted

726
00:33:18,768 --> 00:33:20,208
Speaker 3: with him still, but it was his.

727
00:33:20,208 --> 00:33:23,488
Speaker 2: Push and pull. He could get nasty as well.

728
00:33:24,008 --> 00:33:26,488
Speaker 3: There were times where he would make really awful comments

729
00:33:26,528 --> 00:33:29,088
Speaker 3: about my body, and the one thing that I refused

730
00:33:29,168 --> 00:33:31,488
Speaker 3: to ever do was do the same to him, so

731
00:33:31,648 --> 00:33:35,848
Speaker 3: I would never ever comment about him physically. In those moments,

732
00:33:35,928 --> 00:33:38,088
Speaker 3: I think they go hard. So when we would have

733
00:33:38,168 --> 00:33:39,928
Speaker 3: those fights, he would then come back and be like,

734
00:33:39,928 --> 00:33:41,408
Speaker 3: that was an awful thing for me to say and

735
00:33:41,488 --> 00:33:44,208
Speaker 3: apologize and aget. In your head, you're like, Okay, they

736
00:33:44,248 --> 00:33:46,648
Speaker 3: realize that they've done something wrong and they say they

737
00:33:46,648 --> 00:33:50,328
Speaker 3: won't do it again, and unfortunately it was something.

738
00:33:50,008 --> 00:33:51,808
Speaker 2: That would continue.

739
00:33:52,368 --> 00:33:55,488
Speaker 3: It was really hard for me to reconcile how someone

740
00:33:55,528 --> 00:33:57,688
Speaker 3: who says that they're in love with me so deeply

741
00:33:58,288 --> 00:34:01,528
Speaker 3: could say such awful things about me. But yet obviously

742
00:34:01,568 --> 00:34:04,128
Speaker 3: then he would try to do the repair work. And

743
00:34:04,168 --> 00:34:06,048
Speaker 3: still in my head it was like, the good times

744
00:34:06,128 --> 00:34:08,488
Speaker 3: are great, but for me it was this awareness with

745
00:34:08,567 --> 00:34:13,207
Speaker 3: the bad times are incredibly bad, and is this what

746
00:34:13,248 --> 00:34:13,687
Speaker 3: love is?

747
00:34:14,127 --> 00:34:14,328
Speaker 2: You know?

748
00:34:14,368 --> 00:34:16,768
Speaker 3: You see the movies and you sort of see that

749
00:34:16,768 --> 00:34:19,047
Speaker 3: there's this deep and really awful things happen, but in

750
00:34:19,088 --> 00:34:20,448
Speaker 3: the end they end up together.

751
00:34:20,568 --> 00:34:22,328
Speaker 2: It's all happy endings.

752
00:34:22,848 --> 00:34:24,688
Speaker 3: So even though I kind of had a lot of

753
00:34:24,688 --> 00:34:26,768
Speaker 3: my friends saying this guy is not good for you,

754
00:34:27,208 --> 00:34:29,688
Speaker 3: none of this is good for you, for me, it

755
00:34:29,768 --> 00:34:32,888
Speaker 3: was almost trying to let my friends and family know

756
00:34:33,048 --> 00:34:35,648
Speaker 3: that I understand where they're all coming from. I get it.

757
00:34:35,288 --> 00:34:39,328
Speaker 3: I'm not stupid. However, I'm just not ready to end

758
00:34:39,408 --> 00:34:41,567
Speaker 3: things yet. And also I feel like I've got some

759
00:34:41,648 --> 00:34:45,127
Speaker 3: work to do with him. I'm not ready to give

760
00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:48,288
Speaker 3: up on this. Those fights I would say were more

761
00:34:48,288 --> 00:34:51,008
Speaker 3: regular than anything, but the days in between for the

762
00:34:51,008 --> 00:34:54,488
Speaker 3: things that kept me coming back, And that's always I

763
00:34:54,528 --> 00:34:56,488
Speaker 3: think that the challenge there that you're just like, but

764
00:34:56,528 --> 00:34:59,328
Speaker 3: it could get better, because I can see the connection

765
00:34:59,488 --> 00:35:02,248
Speaker 3: is so strong on those days that we're not fighting.

766
00:35:02,848 --> 00:35:04,688
Speaker 3: And then obviously you know once you you have a

767
00:35:04,688 --> 00:35:06,248
Speaker 3: bit of a breakup, but you get back together, there's

768
00:35:06,288 --> 00:35:08,568
Speaker 3: all the love stuff that happens although you again and

769
00:35:08,648 --> 00:35:11,408
Speaker 3: all of those feelings all again, which was just so

770
00:35:11,448 --> 00:35:13,288
Speaker 3: strong that they felt like they took over.

771
00:35:13,648 --> 00:35:16,127
Speaker 1: As time went on, the problems and the blame got

772
00:35:16,168 --> 00:35:18,968
Speaker 1: worse and harder for Gen to see herself getting out of.

773
00:35:19,208 --> 00:35:22,008
Speaker 3: There was a couple of conversations late at night and

774
00:35:22,048 --> 00:35:23,808
Speaker 3: we would both be up on the phone, even though

775
00:35:23,848 --> 00:35:25,408
Speaker 3: I had worked the next day. I'd be up on

776
00:35:25,408 --> 00:35:28,448
Speaker 3: the phone with him because he would make comments about

777
00:35:28,648 --> 00:35:30,448
Speaker 3: how he wasn't going to be able to go on

778
00:35:30,568 --> 00:35:33,648
Speaker 3: and that he would need to harm himself or kill himself,

779
00:35:33,688 --> 00:35:36,008
Speaker 3: and so I was like, well, I can't get off

780
00:35:36,048 --> 00:35:38,008
Speaker 3: the phone now and just say hey, I've got work tomorrow,

781
00:35:38,048 --> 00:35:39,647
Speaker 3: so I've got to go to sleep. I would stay

782
00:35:39,688 --> 00:35:42,408
Speaker 3: up and try to support him. Feel like those conversations

783
00:35:42,488 --> 00:35:45,488
Speaker 3: were quite regular and terrifying. You don't want to hear

784
00:35:45,888 --> 00:35:48,488
Speaker 3: anybody say that they feel that they don't have any

785
00:35:48,528 --> 00:35:52,488
Speaker 3: other choice but to go down that path. And I

786
00:35:52,488 --> 00:35:54,888
Speaker 3: would try to problem solve with him, and he'd gotten

787
00:35:54,888 --> 00:35:56,527
Speaker 3: to a point as well where we had discussed that

788
00:35:56,728 --> 00:35:59,408
Speaker 3: maybe he needs to look at accessing his superannuation, and

789
00:35:59,448 --> 00:36:01,688
Speaker 3: he ended up doing that. Now that I know that

790
00:36:01,688 --> 00:36:05,448
Speaker 3: he doesn't have anything left, that's still a concern because

791
00:36:05,448 --> 00:36:07,648
Speaker 3: you think, okay, if you tap into that, which I

792
00:36:07,688 --> 00:36:10,567
Speaker 3: know is not easy as well, it's really sort of

793
00:36:10,728 --> 00:36:14,488
Speaker 3: dire if they're going to approve that he had sourced

794
00:36:14,528 --> 00:36:17,248
Speaker 3: everything that he could at that point. So I did

795
00:36:17,608 --> 00:36:20,648
Speaker 3: feel sorry for him. Even when I felt there was

796
00:36:20,648 --> 00:36:22,647
Speaker 3: another way to do things, he wasn't able to bring

797
00:36:22,728 --> 00:36:26,288
Speaker 3: himself to get there. So yeah, for me, it was, oh,

798
00:36:26,368 --> 00:36:28,928
Speaker 3: this is a problem, this is a major problem. Let

799
00:36:28,968 --> 00:36:32,328
Speaker 3: me try to help you and his contacts. Let's do

800
00:36:32,408 --> 00:36:35,128
Speaker 3: some research about some other avenues that we can try.

801
00:36:35,528 --> 00:36:38,047
Speaker 3: But for him that was always a reason as to

802
00:36:38,088 --> 00:36:41,288
Speaker 3: why he could not do that. It was always anxiety.

803
00:36:41,968 --> 00:36:44,928
Speaker 3: It was challenging for him to leave the house at all.

804
00:36:45,488 --> 00:36:48,008
Speaker 3: So the only time he would really leave would be

805
00:36:48,488 --> 00:36:51,608
Speaker 3: at nighttime and he would walk to the colls. He

806
00:36:51,648 --> 00:36:54,288
Speaker 3: would only ever use self checkout. If there was anyone

807
00:36:54,328 --> 00:36:56,488
Speaker 3: to speak to, he wouldn't do it. He would actually

808
00:36:56,488 --> 00:36:58,728
Speaker 3: just see it, drop the basket and leave. And that's

809
00:36:58,728 --> 00:37:00,647
Speaker 3: pretty much the only time he would go out, which

810
00:37:00,648 --> 00:37:03,567
Speaker 3: also caused issues because he would have to have appointments

811
00:37:03,568 --> 00:37:07,088
Speaker 3: with the centraling office and the job provider, and a

812
00:37:07,128 --> 00:37:10,127
Speaker 3: lot of those appointments he would cancel too, but they

813
00:37:10,168 --> 00:37:12,768
Speaker 3: would say, you need a certificate. If you're saying that

814
00:37:12,808 --> 00:37:15,488
Speaker 3: you have anxiety and that's why you can't work, then

815
00:37:15,528 --> 00:37:16,567
Speaker 3: we need a certificate.

816
00:37:16,768 --> 00:37:18,288
Speaker 2: And then he couldn't go to the doctor because his

817
00:37:18,408 --> 00:37:19,768
Speaker 2: anxiety was too high to get there.

818
00:37:21,368 --> 00:37:23,687
Speaker 1: There is another part to this, Dear Listener that Jen

819
00:37:23,808 --> 00:37:27,288
Speaker 1: hasn't mentioned yet. Outside of the relationship, she of course

820
00:37:27,328 --> 00:37:29,448
Speaker 1: had a life and career of her own, and that

821
00:37:29,528 --> 00:37:32,527
Speaker 1: career was in the mental health space, working with people

822
00:37:32,568 --> 00:37:34,488
Speaker 1: who battled with these exact issues.

823
00:37:34,888 --> 00:37:36,727
Speaker 3: And I wonder if for a lot of other people

824
00:37:36,768 --> 00:37:39,087
Speaker 3: it'd be like, what the hell's going on here? You're

825
00:37:39,088 --> 00:37:41,288
Speaker 3: a huge mess. But I also wonder, with what I

826
00:37:41,368 --> 00:37:43,168
Speaker 3: do for a living, if for me I was like

827
00:37:43,208 --> 00:37:46,288
Speaker 3: I see this every day. It was obviously a concern,

828
00:37:46,688 --> 00:37:48,968
Speaker 3: but I was also like, because I work with this,

829
00:37:49,208 --> 00:37:50,888
Speaker 3: I've got some tools for you, and this is how

830
00:37:50,888 --> 00:37:55,288
Speaker 3: I would approach this with clients. And that obviously changed

831
00:37:55,328 --> 00:37:57,928
Speaker 3: the dynamic between us two because it became more of

832
00:37:57,968 --> 00:38:04,127
Speaker 3: a caseworker and client dynamic. So yeah, there was that

833
00:38:04,248 --> 00:38:07,088
Speaker 3: challenge I think as well, and it was just I

834
00:38:07,248 --> 00:38:09,727
Speaker 3: can fix him. It might have been an extended period

835
00:38:09,848 --> 00:38:12,527
Speaker 3: time between we've seen each other, and we would say

836
00:38:12,608 --> 00:38:15,928
Speaker 3: to one another, it's okay, we will be together again

837
00:38:16,088 --> 00:38:18,488
Speaker 3: and everything will be better, Like the two of us

838
00:38:18,608 --> 00:38:21,128
Speaker 3: will be happy in those moments, and we know that

839
00:38:21,168 --> 00:38:23,928
Speaker 3: we can make each other's lives better and we would

840
00:38:23,928 --> 00:38:27,207
Speaker 3: absolutely hold on to that soul. I would be looking

841
00:38:27,208 --> 00:38:29,008
Speaker 3: at the calendar for the next year, for the next

842
00:38:29,008 --> 00:38:31,248
Speaker 3: twelve months, and I'd be looking through for all of

843
00:38:31,488 --> 00:38:33,288
Speaker 3: the public holidays so that I knew that I could

844
00:38:33,328 --> 00:38:36,448
Speaker 3: spend an extended period of time with him, because that's

845
00:38:36,888 --> 00:38:39,167
Speaker 3: really all I was needing to be able to get

846
00:38:39,208 --> 00:38:42,168
Speaker 3: through to that next moment. It felt almost like I

847
00:38:42,288 --> 00:38:45,047
Speaker 3: was living for those moments that I would see him again,

848
00:38:45,608 --> 00:38:48,008
Speaker 3: because it was it was the most exciting thing in

849
00:38:48,048 --> 00:38:51,288
Speaker 3: my life at that time, in between the monotony.

850
00:38:50,848 --> 00:38:55,128
Speaker 2: Of work, when we were together, it absolutely was.

851
00:38:55,208 --> 00:38:58,047
Speaker 3: It just felt electric and I think we didn't want

852
00:38:58,048 --> 00:38:59,248
Speaker 3: to stop touching each other.

853
00:38:59,648 --> 00:39:03,047
Speaker 2: It felt new all the time. So yeah, I did.

854
00:39:03,208 --> 00:39:04,648
Speaker 3: As much as I wanted to go out and have

855
00:39:04,728 --> 00:39:07,248
Speaker 3: experiences with him, I ultimately just wanted to be with

856
00:39:07,368 --> 00:39:10,168
Speaker 3: him and he was giving me that. So for me

857
00:39:10,208 --> 00:39:12,207
Speaker 3: it felt almost like, well, you can't complain too much

858
00:39:12,248 --> 00:39:17,488
Speaker 3: because really there's this electricity between us when we're together

859
00:39:17,528 --> 00:39:21,008
Speaker 3: and we talk about anything and everything, and I felt

860
00:39:21,048 --> 00:39:23,408
Speaker 3: like we could get really deep on an emotional level

861
00:39:23,528 --> 00:39:27,527
Speaker 3: or a philosophical level, and that wasn't necessarily something that

862
00:39:27,608 --> 00:39:30,248
Speaker 3: I was used to either, But yeah, we would challenge

863
00:39:30,248 --> 00:39:31,888
Speaker 3: each other in a way that it was just like,

864
00:39:32,128 --> 00:39:36,088
Speaker 3: let's talk all night. That's where we're happy, just talking

865
00:39:36,128 --> 00:39:39,928
Speaker 3: all night about anything and everything. I absolutely think that. Yeah,

866
00:39:40,048 --> 00:39:42,728
Speaker 3: the fact that I was his first kiss, we were

867
00:39:42,728 --> 00:39:46,328
Speaker 3: both together sexually, you know that we were really we

868
00:39:46,408 --> 00:39:48,047
Speaker 3: had only ever said I love you to each other,

869
00:39:48,648 --> 00:39:52,448
Speaker 3: assuming first for us together, that bonded us in a

870
00:39:52,448 --> 00:39:54,328
Speaker 3: way that you can't ever really break.

871
00:39:54,648 --> 00:39:56,647
Speaker 1: If this was ever going to work, there was one

872
00:39:56,928 --> 00:40:00,527
Speaker 1: non negotiable step Jen needed from Steve. She needed him

873
00:40:00,568 --> 00:40:03,008
Speaker 1: to make the trip to her. It couldn't keep being

874
00:40:03,048 --> 00:40:03,608
Speaker 1: one sided.

875
00:40:04,008 --> 00:40:06,288
Speaker 3: It was after the three year mark that he did

876
00:40:06,328 --> 00:40:09,768
Speaker 3: finally come to see me. He got on the lie

877
00:40:09,768 --> 00:40:12,008
Speaker 3: eleven hour train ride.

878
00:40:12,728 --> 00:40:15,608
Speaker 2: I'm just sitting there and counting down the minutes and

879
00:40:15,608 --> 00:40:16,728
Speaker 2: be like, whereabouts are you? Now?

880
00:40:16,768 --> 00:40:19,688
Speaker 3: Let me follow your route along the way, and it

881
00:40:19,768 --> 00:40:22,448
Speaker 3: was a holy crap, this is actually happening. Here's that

882
00:40:22,568 --> 00:40:25,607
Speaker 3: step that I have been waiting for. Yes, it's three

883
00:40:25,648 --> 00:40:28,288
Speaker 3: years in, but I put my time in and maybe

884
00:40:28,288 --> 00:40:31,088
Speaker 3: this is paying off. Maybe he is willing to try

885
00:40:31,128 --> 00:40:32,968
Speaker 3: for me and make sure that he needs to do

886
00:40:33,008 --> 00:40:35,488
Speaker 3: what he has to do to have a life together.

887
00:40:36,168 --> 00:40:39,168
Speaker 3: You're here now I get to share my life with you.

888
00:40:39,488 --> 00:40:40,728
Speaker 3: This is what it's going to look like.

889
00:40:41,008 --> 00:40:42,848
Speaker 2: So there were you know, as soon as I picked

890
00:40:42,928 --> 00:40:44,408
Speaker 2: him up. I remember sitting.

891
00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:47,808
Speaker 3: Out something across station actually and just waiting and just

892
00:40:47,848 --> 00:40:49,608
Speaker 3: being like, where is he. I'm going to be watching

893
00:40:49,648 --> 00:40:52,448
Speaker 3: every single person come out of that train station, just

894
00:40:52,688 --> 00:40:56,768
Speaker 3: waiting to see him. And it was probably one of

895
00:40:56,808 --> 00:40:59,888
Speaker 3: the most exciting moments of my entire life, to be honest.

896
00:41:00,288 --> 00:41:03,008
Speaker 3: And he walked out with his bag and I remember

897
00:41:03,368 --> 00:41:05,168
Speaker 3: just watching him then walk down the street, and in

898
00:41:05,248 --> 00:41:07,128
Speaker 3: a way I didn't even want to call out because

899
00:41:07,168 --> 00:41:11,167
Speaker 3: I just was saving that moment. But it was just this,

900
00:41:11,488 --> 00:41:15,208
Speaker 3: you're here, you are finally here, and this is what

901
00:41:15,288 --> 00:41:19,127
Speaker 3: I've been waiting for for the last three years, and

902
00:41:19,168 --> 00:41:21,288
Speaker 3: now what does this mean for our future? And I

903
00:41:21,288 --> 00:41:22,848
Speaker 3: didn't want to get ahead of myself because I really

904
00:41:22,848 --> 00:41:25,048
Speaker 3: did give him the if you can make it to Melbourne,

905
00:41:25,408 --> 00:41:27,928
Speaker 3: I'll stop giving you a hard time, because what else.

906
00:41:27,728 --> 00:41:30,168
Speaker 2: Have I got? You did the thing, You did the

907
00:41:30,168 --> 00:41:31,128
Speaker 2: thing that I'd be needing.

908
00:41:31,888 --> 00:41:34,448
Speaker 1: But it didn't go to plan. Even when he was

909
00:41:34,448 --> 00:41:37,568
Speaker 1: there in Melbourne, his anxiety was too much. He couldn't

910
00:41:37,688 --> 00:41:41,248
Speaker 1: or wouldn't leave the house. This devastated Jen. She'd finally

911
00:41:41,288 --> 00:41:42,808
Speaker 1: thought Steve could see the life.

912
00:41:42,568 --> 00:41:43,408
Speaker 2: They could have together.

913
00:41:43,608 --> 00:41:46,888
Speaker 3: He's sitting at my house general in bad while I'm

914
00:41:46,888 --> 00:41:49,607
Speaker 3: at work, and I would come home and find him

915
00:41:49,608 --> 00:41:52,208
Speaker 3: in the exact same spot that I left him that morning.

916
00:41:52,888 --> 00:41:56,408
Speaker 3: And it was yet this real realization of You're not

917
00:41:56,528 --> 00:42:00,368
Speaker 3: contributing in any way, and I'm starting to feel like

918
00:42:00,648 --> 00:42:04,848
Speaker 3: you are my dependent and when you start to change

919
00:42:04,888 --> 00:42:09,047
Speaker 3: up that dynamic in a relationship. It wasn't something that

920
00:42:09,088 --> 00:42:12,768
Speaker 3: I wanted. I got the cabin fever at home, and

921
00:42:12,848 --> 00:42:14,328
Speaker 3: so I was like, let's jump in the car. We're

922
00:42:14,328 --> 00:42:16,288
Speaker 3: going for a drive. And we went up to the

923
00:42:16,328 --> 00:42:19,047
Speaker 3: Pink Lake a pin Dimbula and it was something that

924
00:42:19,048 --> 00:42:21,247
Speaker 3: I'd always wanted to do, and I had just seen

925
00:42:21,288 --> 00:42:24,648
Speaker 3: photos and thought, amazing, what a beautiful day out for

926
00:42:24,728 --> 00:42:26,408
Speaker 3: the two of us that we could go on a

927
00:42:26,448 --> 00:42:30,728
Speaker 3: nice date. We had done the drive up and we

928
00:42:30,768 --> 00:42:32,368
Speaker 3: sort of pulled over it and there weren't too many

929
00:42:32,408 --> 00:42:34,448
Speaker 3: cars there, and I thought, well, this is amazing. We

930
00:42:34,488 --> 00:42:36,928
Speaker 3: were pretty much have the whole place to ourselves. And

931
00:42:36,968 --> 00:42:40,087
Speaker 3: he just refused to get out of the car, and

932
00:42:40,168 --> 00:42:42,527
Speaker 3: it didn't matter what I said to him. I tried

933
00:42:42,568 --> 00:42:44,128
Speaker 3: to explain that there was no one there, and I

934
00:42:44,168 --> 00:42:46,288
Speaker 3: said all you need to do is and it wasn't

935
00:42:46,328 --> 00:42:48,488
Speaker 3: far I tried to explain to him. I was like,

936
00:42:48,728 --> 00:42:50,808
Speaker 3: I'll go down there myself it sussed out, and come

937
00:42:50,848 --> 00:42:53,888
Speaker 3: back and report so that you know that there's nothing

938
00:42:53,928 --> 00:42:57,768
Speaker 3: to worry about. But yet he absolutely refused to get

939
00:42:57,808 --> 00:42:59,968
Speaker 3: out of the car. And it made me really sad

940
00:43:00,008 --> 00:43:02,408
Speaker 3: as I because I thought, I'm not giving up on

941
00:43:02,408 --> 00:43:04,527
Speaker 3: this opportunity. I'm going down there myself but and if

942
00:43:04,568 --> 00:43:07,728
Speaker 3: that's the case, And I did do that myself, but

943
00:43:07,768 --> 00:43:10,848
Speaker 3: there was this huge sadness and sense of life. I

944
00:43:10,848 --> 00:43:15,248
Speaker 3: guess of he's here with me, but he just can't

945
00:43:15,288 --> 00:43:18,768
Speaker 3: get out of the car. And what does that mean

946
00:43:18,808 --> 00:43:21,648
Speaker 3: for any sort of life that we have together. If

947
00:43:21,648 --> 00:43:24,648
Speaker 3: we're not doing anything together, we're not experiencing life together.

948
00:43:24,968 --> 00:43:28,368
Speaker 3: How do you grow together? If that's the case, you'll

949
00:43:28,408 --> 00:43:30,648
Speaker 3: never meet any of my friends or come to parties

950
00:43:30,728 --> 00:43:33,768
Speaker 3: or weddings or funerals with me to support me. And

951
00:43:33,808 --> 00:43:37,328
Speaker 3: it was this major realization that really just broke my

952
00:43:37,408 --> 00:43:41,448
Speaker 3: heart in that moment, because it was You've got everything here.

953
00:43:42,088 --> 00:43:44,968
Speaker 3: Everything you ever wanted is here, and everything I ever wanted,

954
00:43:45,488 --> 00:43:49,368
Speaker 3: and you can't bring yourself to take these steps. So

955
00:43:49,448 --> 00:43:51,527
Speaker 3: once I sort of got back in the car, he

956
00:43:51,688 --> 00:43:55,208
Speaker 3: sensed that I was very sad I think about it,

957
00:43:55,248 --> 00:43:58,047
Speaker 3: and he said, well, park around the corner. And so

958
00:43:58,088 --> 00:44:00,208
Speaker 3: we'd gone and driven a little bit further down and

959
00:44:00,248 --> 00:44:01,527
Speaker 3: the only way that he would get out of the

960
00:44:01,528 --> 00:44:03,368
Speaker 3: car was when there was no one around and we

961
00:44:03,368 --> 00:44:05,968
Speaker 3: were in the middle of the bush like that was

962
00:44:06,008 --> 00:44:08,768
Speaker 3: really like you couldn't see the lake from where he

963
00:44:08,848 --> 00:44:11,127
Speaker 3: was willing to get out of the car. It was

964
00:44:11,528 --> 00:44:13,408
Speaker 3: just full of shrub and I was like, well, now

965
00:44:13,408 --> 00:44:15,368
Speaker 3: I'm just getting bitten by bugs, So I don't really

966
00:44:15,408 --> 00:44:18,968
Speaker 3: this is no longer romantic or call or fun. This

967
00:44:19,168 --> 00:44:22,647
Speaker 3: wasn't the experience that I wanted. I think that then

968
00:44:22,928 --> 00:44:26,688
Speaker 3: just yes solidified that to me, and you know, you

969
00:44:26,728 --> 00:44:28,288
Speaker 3: do sort of question, You're like, well, do you just

970
00:44:28,328 --> 00:44:30,368
Speaker 3: not want to be seen with me? Is there more here?

971
00:44:30,888 --> 00:44:33,648
Speaker 3: Is it more going on for you than just feeling

972
00:44:33,648 --> 00:44:36,047
Speaker 3: his anxiety? And please try to explain it to me.

973
00:44:36,448 --> 00:44:39,008
Speaker 3: What's your experience? What are your symptoms that you notice?

974
00:44:39,328 --> 00:44:41,288
Speaker 3: Because I did try to help him through all of that,

975
00:44:41,768 --> 00:44:44,568
Speaker 3: but it was always.

976
00:44:43,408 --> 00:44:44,047
Speaker 2: Still for me.

977
00:44:44,728 --> 00:44:46,248
Speaker 3: At some point, I have to be selfish and this

978
00:44:46,328 --> 00:44:49,167
Speaker 3: isn't This isn't what I want out of life. Yes,

979
00:44:49,208 --> 00:44:51,368
Speaker 3: you're here with me, but I'm giving up and I'm

980
00:44:51,408 --> 00:44:55,128
Speaker 3: sacrificing everything I ever wanted. I want a partner to

981
00:44:55,128 --> 00:44:57,527
Speaker 3: travel with. I want to see the world. I want

982
00:44:57,568 --> 00:44:59,288
Speaker 3: to do new things. I want to do things that

983
00:44:59,328 --> 00:45:02,167
Speaker 3: scare me. And that was just not where he was at.

984
00:45:02,688 --> 00:45:04,808
Speaker 3: And how am I supposed to live with this? What

985
00:45:04,888 --> 00:45:07,768
Speaker 3: happens if I get pregnant? And that for me set

986
00:45:07,808 --> 00:45:10,768
Speaker 3: me into a spiral because it was this worst case

987
00:45:10,808 --> 00:45:13,528
Speaker 3: in It like an absolute nightmare for me to consider

988
00:45:13,888 --> 00:45:16,688
Speaker 3: that I may end up pregnant with his child and

989
00:45:16,848 --> 00:45:20,368
Speaker 3: have to go to all of those appointments myself. It

990
00:45:20,408 --> 00:45:23,208
Speaker 3: would be he'd be they're still with his mum and

991
00:45:23,248 --> 00:45:26,008
Speaker 3: he would never really see the child unless I were

992
00:45:26,048 --> 00:45:30,248
Speaker 3: to bring that child into Steak and that terrified me

993
00:45:30,368 --> 00:45:30,888
Speaker 3: to think.

994
00:45:31,168 --> 00:45:34,168
Speaker 1: This realization fell on Jen like a ton of bricks,

995
00:45:34,528 --> 00:45:36,648
Speaker 1: but she didn't know what to do. They had another

996
00:45:36,648 --> 00:45:39,328
Speaker 1: weekend booked in together, this time a trip away on

997
00:45:39,408 --> 00:45:42,288
Speaker 1: the fourth anniversary of their first meeting. Would it be

998
00:45:42,368 --> 00:45:43,768
Speaker 1: make or break.

999
00:45:43,968 --> 00:45:46,928
Speaker 2: Again Valentine's Day? I think it was twenty twenty.

1000
00:45:47,488 --> 00:45:50,208
Speaker 3: We had gone away and gotten an airbnb and we

1001
00:45:50,248 --> 00:45:52,928
Speaker 3: had this beautiful time together. But the end of that

1002
00:45:53,608 --> 00:45:55,607
Speaker 3: I think I had gotten a flat tire. At the time,

1003
00:45:55,728 --> 00:45:57,888
Speaker 3: I had gone over something and he wasn't even able

1004
00:45:57,928 --> 00:45:59,248
Speaker 3: to get out of the car and really help me.

1005
00:45:59,688 --> 00:46:02,128
Speaker 3: He did eventually do it by looking at a YouTube

1006
00:46:02,168 --> 00:46:03,928
Speaker 3: c lip, but I just went through this panic of

1007
00:46:04,488 --> 00:46:07,728
Speaker 3: he can't help me in a lot of situations. So

1008
00:46:07,848 --> 00:46:10,328
Speaker 3: that was sort of the start of me saying I'm

1009
00:46:10,368 --> 00:46:14,008
Speaker 3: on my own. I'm very much just doing the role

1010
00:46:14,088 --> 00:46:16,207
Speaker 3: of everything right now, and it's not what I want.

1011
00:46:16,528 --> 00:46:18,928
Speaker 1: She couldn't keep going, but how is she going to

1012
00:46:18,968 --> 00:46:21,728
Speaker 1: wind it? She felt immense guilt about his mental little

1013
00:46:21,768 --> 00:46:23,888
Speaker 1: health and not being able to help him get better.

1014
00:46:24,448 --> 00:46:26,368
Speaker 1: But did you pick up on the timing of that

1015
00:46:26,448 --> 00:46:29,928
Speaker 1: Airbnb trip, dear listener? It was February twenty twenty.

1016
00:46:30,168 --> 00:46:32,848
Speaker 3: It would have been earlier on in some of the

1017
00:46:32,888 --> 00:46:38,047
Speaker 3: shutdowns in Melbourne during COVID times that I realized, well,

1018
00:46:38,048 --> 00:46:40,167
Speaker 3: we can't even see each other even if we wanted to,

1019
00:46:40,928 --> 00:46:43,928
Speaker 3: that idea that we would be locked down in different states,

1020
00:46:44,328 --> 00:46:46,448
Speaker 3: and how long is this going to go for? I

1021
00:46:46,448 --> 00:46:48,688
Speaker 3: had no idea, nobody else did either, and I couldn't

1022
00:46:48,728 --> 00:46:51,768
Speaker 3: give us an indication of when we would be able

1023
00:46:51,808 --> 00:46:53,728
Speaker 3: to get back to any sense of normalcy in or

1024
00:46:53,808 --> 00:46:56,608
Speaker 3: normal life. And I didn't want to waste any more time.

1025
00:46:57,168 --> 00:46:59,848
Speaker 3: Had previously made comments to him about how maybe we

1026
00:46:59,848 --> 00:47:03,088
Speaker 3: should consider open relationships because I wanted opportunities to be

1027
00:47:03,128 --> 00:47:06,848
Speaker 3: able to explore other connections with people. If he wasn't

1028
00:47:06,888 --> 00:47:08,647
Speaker 3: able to ever commit fully to me in a way

1029
00:47:08,648 --> 00:47:11,488
Speaker 3: that I wanted him to by me moving with me

1030
00:47:11,608 --> 00:47:14,488
Speaker 3: in Melbourne, and he would always shut it down. So

1031
00:47:14,528 --> 00:47:18,328
Speaker 3: I think when the lockdowns happened, I almost took it

1032
00:47:18,408 --> 00:47:21,688
Speaker 3: upon myself, I think, to continue to explore things. It

1033
00:47:21,808 --> 00:47:25,928
Speaker 3: was also the push that I needed that took I mean,

1034
00:47:25,968 --> 00:47:28,168
Speaker 3: it was a choice that was removed from me. Lockdowns

1035
00:47:28,208 --> 00:47:31,128
Speaker 3: were lockdowns. The choice that I had was to open

1036
00:47:31,128 --> 00:47:34,608
Speaker 3: myself up to the connections with others. All of a

1037
00:47:34,688 --> 00:47:38,488
Speaker 3: sudden that changed everything, and there was this excitement of

1038
00:47:39,288 --> 00:47:42,208
Speaker 3: there are other men potentially out there for me that

1039
00:47:42,328 --> 00:47:45,328
Speaker 3: I could have connections with that actually have incredible qualities

1040
00:47:45,328 --> 00:47:46,968
Speaker 3: and traits that are a better fit.

1041
00:47:47,528 --> 00:47:50,288
Speaker 1: So she dipped her toe back into online dating.

1042
00:47:50,488 --> 00:47:52,408
Speaker 3: So it was really difficult because I would start talking

1043
00:47:52,488 --> 00:47:54,928
Speaker 3: to someone and then he would jump back in and

1044
00:47:55,008 --> 00:48:01,127
Speaker 3: it wasn't appropriate or fair on my behalf to do

1045
00:48:01,168 --> 00:48:03,567
Speaker 3: what I did, because I think I wasn't open and

1046
00:48:03,648 --> 00:48:05,968
Speaker 3: honest with him a lot of the times when I

1047
00:48:06,088 --> 00:48:09,328
Speaker 3: was talking to others, and it was him being sexually

1048
00:48:09,328 --> 00:48:12,527
Speaker 3: inappropriate and sending me text messages about things that we

1049
00:48:12,568 --> 00:48:15,168
Speaker 3: had done together, and it was almost a reminiscent of

1050
00:48:15,208 --> 00:48:17,527
Speaker 3: all I missed doing this with you, And it was

1051
00:48:17,528 --> 00:48:20,248
Speaker 3: almost this realization for him of well, I don't actually

1052
00:48:20,288 --> 00:48:22,208
Speaker 3: want to break up because every were really good times

1053
00:48:22,208 --> 00:48:25,567
Speaker 3: with us, so I thought, well, this relationship was more

1054
00:48:25,608 --> 00:48:26,248
Speaker 3: than just sex.

1055
00:48:26,328 --> 00:48:26,567
Speaker 2: For me.

1056
00:48:27,408 --> 00:48:30,008
Speaker 3: It was a lot more than that. And it felt

1057
00:48:30,088 --> 00:48:33,928
Speaker 3: like he was dwindling everything just down to something physical,

1058
00:48:34,648 --> 00:48:37,488
Speaker 3: which yeah, again made me really sad, but also felt

1059
00:48:37,568 --> 00:48:41,607
Speaker 3: incredibly degrading as well. It was really this dismissal of

1060
00:48:41,648 --> 00:48:45,288
Speaker 3: the connection that we had for something physical. And at

1061
00:48:45,288 --> 00:48:48,768
Speaker 3: that point I had sort of said to Steve, I

1062
00:48:48,808 --> 00:48:49,808
Speaker 3: can't see.

1063
00:48:49,568 --> 00:48:51,648
Speaker 2: Us seeing each other again.

1064
00:48:52,608 --> 00:48:55,688
Speaker 3: I thought, no, I'm not going to sit here and

1065
00:48:56,048 --> 00:48:58,768
Speaker 3: be waiting to see him again. I don't know how

1066
00:48:58,808 --> 00:49:01,607
Speaker 3: long that will be. I've got too much life to

1067
00:49:01,688 --> 00:49:05,128
Speaker 3: live still. I'm still young enough and pretty enough to

1068
00:49:05,688 --> 00:49:09,448
Speaker 3: meet someone else and to have ongoing experiences and continue

1069
00:49:09,448 --> 00:49:11,088
Speaker 3: to grow than to wait.

1070
00:49:10,888 --> 00:49:12,688
Speaker 2: For a man to be ready.

1071
00:49:13,088 --> 00:49:17,087
Speaker 1: So finally, after almost five years, Jen told Steve this

1072
00:49:17,328 --> 00:49:17,567
Speaker 1: was it.

1073
00:49:19,808 --> 00:49:22,128
Speaker 3: I had messaged him and said, this will be the

1074
00:49:22,208 --> 00:49:24,687
Speaker 3: last breakup. There's nothing left that I had to say,

1075
00:49:24,728 --> 00:49:27,648
Speaker 3: because we've had so many breakups before that we've actually

1076
00:49:27,648 --> 00:49:29,648
Speaker 3: said it all. I'm like that this will be the

1077
00:49:29,728 --> 00:49:32,488
Speaker 3: last time. I don't feel like I need to say

1078
00:49:32,528 --> 00:49:35,248
Speaker 3: anything else. I don't need anything else from this because

1079
00:49:35,248 --> 00:49:37,688
Speaker 3: I know it won't lead to anything, and I was

1080
00:49:37,728 --> 00:49:41,368
Speaker 3: feeling really confident in that, and I think him feeling

1081
00:49:41,448 --> 00:49:45,207
Speaker 3: quite hurt, probably very very rejected as well, just went

1082
00:49:45,248 --> 00:49:46,608
Speaker 3: straight on to the attack.

1083
00:49:47,288 --> 00:49:48,248
Speaker 2: I think, and.

1084
00:49:48,448 --> 00:49:50,128
Speaker 3: Yes, it's really really awful things. And I got to

1085
00:49:50,168 --> 00:49:51,848
Speaker 3: the point where it's like, I don't need to listen

1086
00:49:51,888 --> 00:49:53,728
Speaker 3: to this. I don't need to feel sorry for you

1087
00:49:53,768 --> 00:49:55,888
Speaker 3: and feel like you need your closure, So i'll give

1088
00:49:55,968 --> 00:49:59,368
Speaker 3: you that. You're now just being so incredibly offensive and

1089
00:49:59,368 --> 00:50:01,928
Speaker 3: degrading if someone you said you loved. I'm not listening

1090
00:50:01,968 --> 00:50:04,288
Speaker 3: to this anymore and hit the block button. He then

1091
00:50:04,448 --> 00:50:08,168
Speaker 3: utilized email and used a few different platforms to try

1092
00:50:08,168 --> 00:50:11,408
Speaker 3: to communicate so that he could continue to say his piece,

1093
00:50:11,688 --> 00:50:13,688
Speaker 3: and unfortunately he kind of went back and forth with

1094
00:50:13,728 --> 00:50:17,088
Speaker 3: the I love you, I'm sorry, things should have been different, and.

1095
00:50:17,408 --> 00:50:18,328
Speaker 2: You're an awful person.

1096
00:50:18,368 --> 00:50:21,728
Speaker 3: You'll never find anyone else. Me telling him that I

1097
00:50:21,768 --> 00:50:26,008
Speaker 3: had seen other men resulted in him being very angry

1098
00:50:26,048 --> 00:50:27,848
Speaker 3: and becoming very nasty towards me.

1099
00:50:28,848 --> 00:50:30,288
Speaker 2: I think every.

1100
00:50:29,848 --> 00:50:31,647
Speaker 3: Time I started to question whether or I had made

1101
00:50:31,688 --> 00:50:34,808
Speaker 3: the right decision, there would be an email or one

1102
00:50:34,848 --> 00:50:37,368
Speaker 3: of those little notes on a different platform again having

1103
00:50:37,368 --> 00:50:39,768
Speaker 3: a go at me. So I had to go through

1104
00:50:39,768 --> 00:50:42,408
Speaker 3: that for a bit of time. But he also needed

1105
00:50:42,408 --> 00:50:44,248
Speaker 3: that time, I think, to be able to vent and

1106
00:50:44,248 --> 00:50:47,208
Speaker 3: get his frustrations at I just didn't want to respond

1107
00:50:47,368 --> 00:50:51,008
Speaker 3: to give any more ammunition to that. Just do your

1108
00:50:51,048 --> 00:50:54,848
Speaker 3: think and yeah, I'll try moving on the best that

1109
00:50:54,888 --> 00:50:58,647
Speaker 3: I can. It's funny because I think that I thought

1110
00:50:58,648 --> 00:51:00,408
Speaker 3: that I was going to miss him, but it's almost

1111
00:51:00,448 --> 00:51:03,087
Speaker 3: like I had done all that grieving throughout the relationship,

1112
00:51:03,888 --> 00:51:06,768
Speaker 3: the tears, the amount of tears that I had shed

1113
00:51:06,808 --> 00:51:10,848
Speaker 3: for this person during the relationship. I had nothing left

1114
00:51:11,368 --> 00:51:13,408
Speaker 3: at that point. Once I had made that decision to

1115
00:51:13,528 --> 00:51:15,848
Speaker 3: end it, it was done. But I could see this

1116
00:51:15,888 --> 00:51:19,527
Speaker 3: whole future for myself. That really excited me. There was

1117
00:51:19,568 --> 00:51:23,408
Speaker 3: a whole new sense of confidence that came with that

1118
00:51:23,408 --> 00:51:26,208
Speaker 3: that it was I've made the biggest decision of my

1119
00:51:26,248 --> 00:51:28,728
Speaker 3: life up until now. I gave someone five years of

1120
00:51:28,768 --> 00:51:32,368
Speaker 3: my life, and now I'm so ready to tackle new things.

1121
00:51:32,768 --> 00:51:35,408
Speaker 3: I went and did a couple of trips overseas and

1122
00:51:35,448 --> 00:51:38,048
Speaker 3: did that solo and met a whole lot of new people.

1123
00:51:38,688 --> 00:51:40,848
Speaker 3: I had experienced it as I'd always wanted and didn't

1124
00:51:40,888 --> 00:51:42,888
Speaker 3: let anyone stop me, or the fact that I didn't

1125
00:51:42,888 --> 00:51:44,768
Speaker 3: have someone to share it with. I was going to

1126
00:51:44,808 --> 00:51:47,768
Speaker 3: make those experiences my own and do the best that

1127
00:51:47,808 --> 00:51:50,248
Speaker 3: I possibly could with those So I felt like I

1128
00:51:50,328 --> 00:51:53,648
Speaker 3: had grown so much more into such a short space

1129
00:51:53,688 --> 00:51:58,047
Speaker 3: of time because of that. I think the supports that

1130
00:51:58,168 --> 00:52:01,328
Speaker 3: I tapped into was my best friend. I've known her

1131
00:52:01,368 --> 00:52:04,248
Speaker 3: since I was thirteen, so being able to share those

1132
00:52:04,288 --> 00:52:07,128
Speaker 3: experiences with her, cry on her shoulder during the happy

1133
00:52:07,488 --> 00:52:11,047
Speaker 3: and the really sad times, I don't know what I

1134
00:52:11,048 --> 00:52:14,288
Speaker 3: would have done without her. And I think besides that,

1135
00:52:14,288 --> 00:52:16,567
Speaker 3: then it was the journaling I've got about ten that

1136
00:52:16,608 --> 00:52:20,167
Speaker 3: had just filled with stuff about Steve like it really is,

1137
00:52:20,248 --> 00:52:22,127
Speaker 3: And I find it helpful to be able to read

1138
00:52:22,168 --> 00:52:25,128
Speaker 3: back to that, to be able to reflect on my

1139
00:52:25,168 --> 00:52:28,448
Speaker 3: own thoughts and feelings during that time and the way

1140
00:52:28,448 --> 00:52:30,688
Speaker 3: that I behaved or the way that he behaved, and

1141
00:52:31,088 --> 00:52:34,688
Speaker 3: what would I do differently from that. If they're not

1142
00:52:34,688 --> 00:52:36,288
Speaker 3: a right fit, they're not a right fee. You're supposed

1143
00:52:36,328 --> 00:52:38,768
Speaker 3: to just go your separate ways. You're not supposed to

1144
00:52:39,248 --> 00:52:42,608
Speaker 3: continually go at them about how they need to be better.

1145
00:52:43,488 --> 00:52:45,087
Speaker 3: You do look back and you think you've wasted a

1146
00:52:45,088 --> 00:52:48,688
Speaker 3: lot of time, But where we were both at that

1147
00:52:48,848 --> 00:52:49,888
Speaker 3: time in our lives.

1148
00:52:49,928 --> 00:52:51,288
Speaker 2: It's like we needed each other.

1149
00:52:51,528 --> 00:52:53,248
Speaker 3: And there was a lot of learning I think for

1150
00:52:53,288 --> 00:52:55,167
Speaker 3: the both of us, and I would like to think

1151
00:52:55,208 --> 00:52:58,928
Speaker 3: that he's learned a lot from the relationship. So I

1152
00:52:58,928 --> 00:53:01,968
Speaker 3: do think that that was a large chapter, a very

1153
00:53:02,048 --> 00:53:05,167
Speaker 3: large chapter that I can put down and sort of say, well,

1154
00:53:05,368 --> 00:53:08,127
Speaker 3: that was my first experience of love, and that's not

1155
00:53:08,448 --> 00:53:11,368
Speaker 3: what I want being forward. But there are definitely elements

1156
00:53:11,408 --> 00:53:15,607
Speaker 3: from that that I have appreciated so much about him

1157
00:53:15,648 --> 00:53:17,888
Speaker 3: as a person and what that's meant for me as

1158
00:53:17,928 --> 00:53:21,088
Speaker 3: a person, what I can give back. I've not seen

1159
00:53:21,168 --> 00:53:24,488
Speaker 3: him again. I did actually hear from him six months ago.

1160
00:53:25,328 --> 00:53:28,488
Speaker 3: He did send me a text message and say, I've

1161
00:53:28,568 --> 00:53:32,128
Speaker 3: just put you down as a reference for a rental property.

1162
00:53:32,528 --> 00:53:35,047
Speaker 3: I'm still living with my mum and my brother, but

1163
00:53:35,328 --> 00:53:37,728
Speaker 3: I need to put someone down and I don't know

1164
00:53:37,888 --> 00:53:42,527
Speaker 3: anyone else. And that made me feel really sad, really

1165
00:53:42,568 --> 00:53:45,368
Speaker 3: sad that he literally did not have a single person

1166
00:53:45,488 --> 00:53:47,448
Speaker 3: in his life besides his brother and mother who he

1167
00:53:47,528 --> 00:53:49,848
Speaker 3: can't put down because they're moving into the same property

1168
00:53:50,128 --> 00:53:51,607
Speaker 3: that he could ask that he had to come to

1169
00:53:51,648 --> 00:53:54,368
Speaker 3: his ex. I do hope that he can get to

1170
00:53:54,368 --> 00:53:56,607
Speaker 3: a point where he addresses his mental health in a

1171
00:53:56,648 --> 00:53:59,968
Speaker 3: meaningful way. I would love to see him have more

1172
00:54:00,048 --> 00:54:02,248
Speaker 3: quality of life, because I don't think he has that.

1173
00:54:05,288 --> 00:54:08,008
Speaker 3: For me now, I am newly married, or got married

1174
00:54:08,368 --> 00:54:11,888
Speaker 3: four months ago, to a lovely guy. He is beautiful,

1175
00:54:12,248 --> 00:54:14,567
Speaker 3: and we just found out that we were pregnant. I'm

1176
00:54:14,568 --> 00:54:17,408
Speaker 3: going our first baby on the way, so that's incredibly

1177
00:54:17,448 --> 00:54:21,528
Speaker 3: exciting for us. Got a house as well that we're living,

1178
00:54:21,768 --> 00:54:24,448
Speaker 3: and I love my job, and I just think that

1179
00:54:24,568 --> 00:54:26,888
Speaker 3: this is the best place that I've ever been in.

1180
00:54:27,248 --> 00:54:28,968
Speaker 3: And if I think back to sort of five years,

1181
00:54:28,968 --> 00:54:31,567
Speaker 3: this is everything that I wanted for my future, and

1182
00:54:31,608 --> 00:54:33,528
Speaker 3: it can sometimes feel like a bit of a dream,

1183
00:54:34,288 --> 00:54:37,328
Speaker 3: I think to finally get there. I absolutely think that

1184
00:54:37,648 --> 00:54:40,728
Speaker 3: if I hadn't met Steve and met him at that time,

1185
00:54:41,688 --> 00:54:43,688
Speaker 3: the things that I have now wouldn't have aligned, because

1186
00:54:43,688 --> 00:54:45,448
Speaker 3: I think, obviously I know that my partner was in

1187
00:54:45,488 --> 00:54:48,768
Speaker 3: a relationship at that time, that we both needed to

1188
00:54:48,848 --> 00:54:51,608
Speaker 3: have these experiences at that time to then come together

1189
00:54:51,888 --> 00:54:54,527
Speaker 3: and to meet one another when we did. So. I

1190
00:54:54,568 --> 00:54:57,128
Speaker 3: do hope that then that's the same for Steve, that

1191
00:54:57,168 --> 00:54:59,368
Speaker 3: he's able to get to a point in his life

1192
00:54:59,368 --> 00:55:02,408
Speaker 3: where everything will fall into the pieces that they're supposed to.

1193
00:55:18,968 --> 00:55:21,688
Speaker 1: Everyone Has an ex is a Minti Media production and

1194
00:55:21,768 --> 00:55:24,567
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mumma Mea Network. This episode is

1195
00:55:24,568 --> 00:55:28,167
Speaker 1: written and narrated and interview conducted by me Georgia Love

1196
00:55:28,288 --> 00:55:30,928
Speaker 1: and produced by Linda Scott. If you have a story

1197
00:55:30,968 --> 00:55:34,087
Speaker 1: you'd like to share, email podcast at momamea dot com

1198
00:55:34,088 --> 00:55:36,488
Speaker 1: dot a U. You can support us by following the

1199
00:55:36,528 --> 00:55:39,008
Speaker 1: show in your favorite podcast app and leaving a five

1200
00:55:39,088 --> 00:55:39,728
Speaker 1: star review.

1201
00:55:39,888 --> 00:55:42,568
Speaker 2: We'll see for the next one.