Speaker 1: Welcome to Parenting out Loud, the podcast for parents who
Speaker 1: don't always listen to parenting podcasts. We like to take
Speaker 1: a little LOOKI loo at the culture and the news
Speaker 1: and the trends and go, hmmm, what do we make
Speaker 1: of all of this? It's sort of what parents are
Speaker 1: thinking about. I'm Monice Bowley.
Speaker 2: I'm Amelia Last and I'm Stacy Hicks. I'm trying a
Speaker 2: new thing this time. I feel like I always go
Speaker 2: up at the end of my sentence, like Ron Burgundy,
Speaker 2: So I tried to lower myself that time.
Speaker 3: What did we think, vib I.
Speaker 1: Didn't even notice.
Speaker 2: Oh well, rude, Okay, that's the last time I try
Speaker 2: something new for either of you.
Speaker 3: Go on Monds.
Speaker 1: Coming up on today's show.
Speaker 3: There's a new solution for parenting exhaustion. You might think
Speaker 3: that sounds good, but I hate it.
Speaker 1: And I love it Typical Australia's favorite couple, Buddy and
Speaker 1: Jacinta Franklin have run for the hills and I want
Speaker 1: to talk about the new free range parenting fantasy.
Speaker 2: And we've got something for you to watch, something to do,
Speaker 2: and something to buy. It's our weekly repos But first,
Speaker 2: do you know when you hear it's the anniversary of
Speaker 2: a big event and you can't believe that that much
Speaker 2: time has gone past because you haven't aged a day. Yes,
Speaker 2: like the beacons Field mine rescue was twenty years ago
Speaker 2: this year.
Speaker 3: It doesn't that make you feel Joe I saved by
Speaker 3: the belief that nineteen ninety was ten years old.
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely correct, I will not hear otherwise. Well, I
Speaker 2: couldn't believe it. This week, sixty Minutes ran a package
Speaker 2: about the fact that it's been five years since Cleo
Speaker 2: Smith was taken from her family's campground, missing for eighteen
Speaker 2: days and then returned to her family in Wa. It
Speaker 2: was wasn't it like it really captured the whole nation's
Speaker 2: attention as a million dollar reward for that And I
Speaker 2: think Australia held their breaths for eighteen days?
Speaker 3: Really was that? How long?
Speaker 2: It was?
Speaker 3: Eight days? Oh?
Speaker 1: My god?
Speaker 2: And I think that's because we see these stories tragically
Speaker 2: go such a different way a lot of the time.
Speaker 2: But her family shared a beautiful update saying that she's
Speaker 2: almost nine now and that she's doing really well, that
Speaker 2: she does gymnastics and swimming, and they just said she's
Speaker 2: like a happy girl and She's come so fast since then,
Speaker 2: So I just thought that was so nice.
Speaker 3: Blew my mind. What I really appreciated about that was
Speaker 3: that remember that indelible image of her after immediately after
Speaker 3: she had been rescued, and she's in a hospital bed
Speaker 3: with the ice block, with the ice block beaming her
Speaker 3: beautiful smile. And I think it was easy for us
Speaker 3: to look at that and go, Okay, everything's done and dusted,
Speaker 3: Everything's fine. I appreciate that her parents, they're behaving, was
Speaker 3: such grace throughout all of this. They're being honest with us,
Speaker 3: but they're not infringing on her privacy. So they said, look,
Speaker 3: everyone did see that photo and she looked happy and fine.
Speaker 3: She wasn't fine. There was a lot, there's been a
Speaker 3: lot to cope with a lot of trauma, and there's
Speaker 3: been a lot of sort of two steps forward, one
Speaker 3: step back, but the trajectory is positive. She is a
Speaker 3: happy nine year old, And I thought, what an ability
Speaker 3: to parent in such trying circumstances.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I think there was a bit of an
Speaker 2: argument that should they be sharing anything about her now,
Speaker 2: given what she went through in such a public space,
Speaker 2: But I think they've done it as you say in
Speaker 2: such a gentle way to share enough and say this
Speaker 2: isn't an easy road, but to tell them all these
Speaker 2: people that did care about her in that time that
Speaker 2: she's doing well is just so lovely.
Speaker 3: And it also diffuses predatory media interest because if they
Speaker 3: preemptively put out this selected photo and this line, this
Speaker 3: sort of press statement that says, yes, she's doing fine
Speaker 3: and sort of satiates the public's curiosity, I think it
Speaker 3: makes it less likely that the more predatory members of
Speaker 3: the press are going to go after Yeah, totally.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's going to be one of those
Speaker 1: things that will pop up every five years that they
Speaker 1: might have to just stay ahead of it for the
Speaker 1: rest of their lives in the same way that Sophie Delisio.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember her. She was the
Speaker 1: little girl that was run over in the childcare center
Speaker 1: and suffered all those awful burns, and Australia has sort
Speaker 1: of followed her along from the journey of child to
Speaker 1: teenager to getting married and like the whole way along.
Speaker 1: Do you think we're going to see another one of those?
Speaker 2: I think that will be up to her Like they
Speaker 2: seem like the type of parents that arelike, we'll put
Speaker 2: this out and that's enough for everyone to know. And
Speaker 2: then I guess that will be up to her when
Speaker 2: she gets to that stage whether she wants to do that.
Speaker 2: But yeah, so so happy for their little family that
Speaker 2: she's doing well.
Speaker 3: Another heartwarming. In case you missed it this week, you've
Speaker 3: heard of pints and ponytails. Well now it's time for
Speaker 3: pints and period The movement, which started in a London
Speaker 3: pub to teach fathers how to breed their daughter's hair,
Speaker 3: has expanded into an awareness campaign about menstruation. At a
Speaker 3: session in May, father's learned what a moon cup is.
Speaker 3: They learned how much blood is lost each month in menstruation,
Speaker 3: which is about three tablespoons. FYI, I'm not sure even
Speaker 3: I knew that, so that's I had to look it up,
Speaker 3: which both seems like a lot in a little incidently,
Speaker 3: but look, I think it's just great dads are learning
Speaker 3: more and talking more about periods. One fact that really
Speaker 3: surprised me in watching a little Instagram video about this
Speaker 3: is that the periods are the number one reason why
Speaker 3: girls miss school in the UK, which really shocked me,
Speaker 3: and I imagine it's probably quite similar here. So the
Speaker 3: more we can get dads talking about this issue and
Speaker 3: destigmatizing it, the better. It reminded me that Prince William
Speaker 3: was recently itself by Southwest London and he spoke with
Speaker 3: Vivi Lynn, who's the founder of an ngo called with Red,
Speaker 3: and they talked about period stigma too. So it does
Speaker 3: feel like something's happening there. What's wrong with you?
Speaker 1: Are you really not cynical about this at all? Amelia?
Speaker 3: No? Are you kidding me?
Speaker 1: Why does it have to be in a pub with
Speaker 1: a beer for them to be comfortable to talk about
Speaker 1: mens duration? I don't just know, but I think what
Speaker 1: happens if they get down at the dinner table and
Speaker 1: have a conversation with your family there? Like, Wow, why
Speaker 1: do we have I'm serious? Why do we have to
Speaker 1: create a mask space so that men feel comfortable talking
Speaker 1: about stuff?
Speaker 3: I don't think that twenty two years.
Speaker 2: I think if they continue to do that in private,
Speaker 2: then the same thing is happening when no one's talking
Speaker 2: about it. I think the act of them being in
Speaker 2: a public place, whether that's pub, cafe, whatever, and having
Speaker 2: these conversations together with other men there isn't that the
Speaker 2: part that's bread.
Speaker 1: In your dad's top. Actually, did your dad just ask
Speaker 1: you about it? Did your dad talk to your mum
Speaker 1: about it?
Speaker 2: Like, yeah, probably, but it wasn't really spoken about.
Speaker 3: I don't even know whether he did. Like, you know,
Speaker 3: I think we've come along, Yeah, society just in a generation. Yeah,
Speaker 3: because there was a lot of secrecy around it when
Speaker 3: I was growing up. Yeah, yeah, did you know I
Speaker 3: lost well, yeah, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just felt like, no, not really, it was just
Speaker 1: a matter. It was just par for the course. There
Speaker 1: were three girls in our family, and it was just
Speaker 1: this is what happens, and everyone okay and away we go.
Speaker 1: And there was no need to kind of create a
Speaker 1: safe space for men to talk about icky women stuff
Speaker 1: like what.
Speaker 3: No, I like it. If it takes a beer in
Speaker 3: their hand for them to do great, well, I'll just
Speaker 3: put it in. I'm sensitive on this because at their
Speaker 3: previous session, as I mentioned, they did learn how to
Speaker 3: breed their daughter's hair. I don't know how to breid,
Speaker 3: so maybe I also need to go to this occasion. Yeah, maybe, Okay.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about Buddy and just Ciner Franklin
Speaker 1: because there was a profile of them in the Weekend
Speaker 1: Australian magazine This week from Caroline Overington that I couldn't
Speaker 1: have loved more. I frothed it so hard. The headline
Speaker 1: was from AFL superstar to stay at Home Dad, Buddy
Speaker 1: Franklin on his quiet new life And on the surface,
Speaker 1: it's a story about what happens when one of the
Speaker 1: greatest AFL players of all time, that's Buddy Franklin leaves
Speaker 1: the game. So Buddy Franklin, and he's married to his wife,
Speaker 1: Justina Franklin. She's a former Miss Universe Australia and they
Speaker 1: have three kids, Tallula, Rocky and Bam.
Speaker 3: The coolest names they just although today Ilen that see
Speaker 3: as child is called Somersault and I think that wow, Yeah,
Speaker 3: that takes the gig.
Speaker 1: So the Franklins in this profile talks about how they
Speaker 1: left Sydney. I've left the rat race of Sydney for
Speaker 1: a property in Queensland where there are trees, mud kids
Speaker 1: running around outside. And the article describes Buddy as a
Speaker 1: gentleman farmer, nappy changer and bee keeper. And then there's
Speaker 1: Jacinta and she's turning a beef in the pan as
Speaker 1: she talks to Carolin Overington. She talks about how she
Speaker 1: wanted a free range childhood for their kids, and she says,
Speaker 1: we wanted to give the kids what we had running
Speaker 1: around and climbing trees. The article is so delicious and
Speaker 1: so evocative, and it's about how my favorite bits were.
Speaker 1: There's the closest shop is a timber market stall that
Speaker 1: sells avocados for twenty nine cents apiece, and how her
Speaker 1: two older children, the five and six year old, make
Speaker 1: their own breakfast and it's not just plugging wheatbicks into
Speaker 1: a cereal bowl. It's cracking rerange eggs into a cast
Speaker 1: iron pan. They cook it themselves.
Speaker 3: That gave me.
Speaker 2: Anxiety, yeah, said like someone who lives in the city,
Speaker 2: not on a beauty farm.
Speaker 1: Now, some would say, and certainly Carolyn Overington made this
Speaker 1: little link to Ballerina Farm, which is if you haven't
Speaker 1: heard of Ballerina Farm, it's a US trad wife influencer.
Speaker 1: Her name's Hannah Nielman. She has millions of followers, and
Speaker 1: she sort of portrays this very humble homesteading family life
Speaker 1: of homeschooling and making sour dough and sort of their
Speaker 1: kind of family's adventures. I think she's got eight children now.
Speaker 1: Caroline Overton makes this comparison in the article because it
Speaker 1: is sort of lending itself to that a little bit
Speaker 1: of that movement, a little bit, but just Sinta's very
Speaker 1: quick to extinguish it. She says, not exactly like that.
Speaker 1: But the health and wellness is something we could model,
Speaker 1: eating good food, getting exercise, and being out doors. But
Speaker 1: the reason I couldn't look away from this is because genuinely, like,
Speaker 1: I really like these two humans, and they seem like
Speaker 1: great soul of the earth kind of country people. But
Speaker 1: also it just feels like the modern parenting fantasy of
Speaker 1: what if we just opted out, What if we left
Speaker 1: the grind, What if our kids did have gum boots
Speaker 1: and trees and mud and cast iron pants to crack
Speaker 1: eggs into? What if childhood could be kind of quieter
Speaker 1: and slower. And so I wanted to know when you
Speaker 1: both read this story, how did you feel? Did you
Speaker 1: feel inspired or did you feel kind of like cynical
Speaker 1: about it?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I did feel weirdly soothed by it, Like I think
Speaker 2: these are two humans in particular that have so much
Speaker 2: access to whatever type of lifestyle they would like to
Speaker 2: live and the fact that they're choosing to do this
Speaker 2: for their children. They could be jet setting somewhere every
Speaker 2: other week, but choosing to have this really quiet lifestyle
Speaker 2: for their children. And they also talked about in the
Speaker 2: Peace that Buddy wanted to be near an indigenous community
Speaker 2: where he can share that background with his children as
Speaker 2: they grow up, which I just think is so beautiful.
Speaker 2: But I think when we're reading it as someone who's
Speaker 2: kind of in a very different circumstance, it kind of
Speaker 2: feels like what I like to call the florist theory. So,
Speaker 2: you know how like a lot of burnt out women,
Speaker 2: I've said this before at some point in my life,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to quit everything and go and be
Speaker 2: a florist. Like I'm just going to be a florist.
Speaker 2: They have the best life. It's so beautiful and whimsical.
Speaker 2: And then when you really deep it, flories get up
Speaker 2: at four am. Florists are on their feet all day.
Speaker 2: Like the more you think about it, the realities of
Speaker 2: being a florist are not as easy as one might think,
Speaker 2: but you kind of romanticize it and it just feels
Speaker 2: like that's what we do with this piece, Like I
Speaker 2: see that. Oh yeah, I want to raise my children
Speaker 2: in a field. But I also like knowing I could
Speaker 2: get a delivery of a cookie at ten pm if
Speaker 2: I wanted to get one Like that, life isn't necessarily
Speaker 2: for me.
Speaker 3: Did you feel the same way, Oh yeah, there's something
Speaker 3: so seductive about it. And I watched Australian story last
Speaker 3: week featured Rachel Ward, the celebrated Australian actress who happens
Speaker 3: to be married to Brian Brown, and she's made a
Speaker 3: similar tree change now. Hers is in her third act.
Speaker 3: Her two daughters are growing up, but she now runs
Speaker 3: an organic farm in northern New South Wales, and of
Speaker 3: course the images are just so beautiful and so captivating.
Speaker 3: Her two daughters speak really movingly about how the country
Speaker 3: gave Rachel a freedom that she never felt in the city,
Speaker 3: particularly in acting and before that modeling, which were professions
Speaker 3: that were so centered around how she looked. And now
Speaker 3: she's looking after cows all day and they don't care
Speaker 3: how she looked. And I loved hearing from her children
Speaker 3: about how they've seen her really come into her own
Speaker 3: and by her own mission. She's never been happier now
Speaker 3: that she lives out of Sydney. In fact, she spoke
Speaker 3: about her life on the land fairly recently to both
Speaker 3: mid and No Filter that said, there is a real
Speaker 3: reality to living in regional and remote areas, particularly if
Speaker 3: you're maybe not as well off and are not choosing
Speaker 3: to do it in the same way as a Rachel
Speaker 3: Ward or a Buddy Franklin and just into Franklin. That
Speaker 3: hit home for me because the ABC ran this story
Speaker 3: last week about how no one's moving to Tasmania anymore.
Speaker 3: So basically a quick history lesson Tasmania got this huge
Speaker 3: population boom during COVID because everyone was like, I want
Speaker 3: to go and grow vegetables in Tasmania, right and have
Speaker 3: the space and the greenery. Yeah. Started, yes, yes, and
Speaker 3: then they all moved there and then this was typically
Speaker 3: people with young families. But the problem is that for
Speaker 3: young people as they grow up, Tasmania feels like a
Speaker 3: place where there aren't enough opportunities for them, and as
Speaker 3: a result, they're leaving Tasmania. So a twenty two year
Speaker 3: old who was interviewed in this ABC story, she said
Speaker 3: she moved to Queensland because she thought there were more
Speaker 3: study and work opportunities there. You contrast that with a
Speaker 3: young couple who were interviewed who said the reason why
Speaker 3: they love living in Tasmania is because it feels like
Speaker 3: Melbourne in the nineties, which is great for parents, not
Speaker 3: so great maybe for the young people who they're raising.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's interesting. I feel like the Rachel Ward comparison
Speaker 1: feels slightly different to me in that she's in, as
Speaker 1: you said, Emelia, in the third act of her life
Speaker 1: right whereas Buddy Franklin and just Into Franklin are in
Speaker 1: probably the prime of their career right now. So this
Speaker 1: move to opt out of nine to five, to opt
Speaker 1: out of the grind and the rat race, feels very
Speaker 1: much a deliberate kind of choice. And I was I
Speaker 1: follow this guy on Instagram. His name's Eugene brand Stratt,
Speaker 1: and he's this cultural commentator and he talks about the
Speaker 1: movements of culture and brands and stuff in society. And
Speaker 1: he made this point a little while ago on a
Speaker 1: reel that I watched that childhood like has been rebranded
Speaker 1: and natural childhood has been rebranded as aspirational like. We
Speaker 1: used to associate status with private schools, private tutors, tennis lessons,
Speaker 1: you know, activities, expensive toys, more and more and more,
Speaker 1: and now in the last so in the last ten years,
Speaker 1: optimization culture was massive, right, it was all get up
Speaker 1: at five am, go into your cold plunch, grind, grind, grind.
Speaker 1: And now he says, the new luxury isn't more, it's less,
Speaker 1: it's escape. The new luxury is time. The new luxury
Speaker 1: is being able to bow out of the system.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that is what it is. I think
Speaker 2: that's why we romanticize it so much, is because it's
Speaker 2: what we don't have, Like it's the opposite of what
Speaker 2: we have. But in doing that, I'm sure they've made
Speaker 2: a lot of sacrifices too, Like, as you said, you're
Speaker 2: further away from access to different schools, different shops, you know,
Speaker 2: different different completely different way of life. And I'm sure
Speaker 2: a lot of social opportunities for those kids as well.
Speaker 2: So it is a big move to make, and it
Speaker 2: might be something that I definitely think is for them.
Speaker 2: They just look so at home and so when they
Speaker 2: should be. But if you put me in there, I'd
Speaker 2: be climbing the walls.
Speaker 1: I just it was just so nice to read about
Speaker 1: the kind of family setup that you don't often see
Speaker 1: that much. It's just that real escapism.
Speaker 3: So yeah, good on them. The Guardian has this series
Speaker 3: called The One Thing That Works, which is a great title,
Speaker 3: and this week they served us a controversial piece of
Speaker 3: parenting advice. My husband and I created a simple, life
Speaker 3: changing parenting rota, writes Catherine Chow. Catrin's husband is a
Speaker 3: research scientist. He approaches everything in terms of charts and
Speaker 3: quantifying and numbers and in a bit to be equitable.
Speaker 3: When they first had kids, he had suggested dividing up
Speaker 3: household tasks and chores. So far, so good, but over
Speaker 3: time Catherine found that she was doing more of those
Speaker 3: tasks and also they were taking more time for her,
Speaker 3: and the mental lobe was something that you couldn't really
Speaker 3: account for when you just divided stuff up via specific jobs.
Speaker 3: So then he suggested, okay, instead of dividing things up
Speaker 3: via tasks, we're going to divide up parenting via time.
Speaker 3: So he would be fully in charge of the mornings,
Speaker 3: which includes obviously breakfast, getting dressed, packing school bags during
Speaker 3: drop off, and Catherine would do the evenings, which is
Speaker 3: dinner and bath time at bedtime. Apparently this has worked
Speaker 3: for them for years, and their kids are now very
Speaker 3: happy and five and eight years old mons immediate.
Speaker 1: Reaction, so many feelings about this. So we run a
Speaker 1: parenting writer in my house swell only because my husband
Speaker 1: works a different shift to me, so he works in
Speaker 1: the later part of the day, so he's responsible for
Speaker 1: the mornings and every day I do the evenings. And
Speaker 1: you know what, it's not equitable, okay, anither is this article.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that the husband has two hours in the
Speaker 1: morning with the kids and she has six at night
Speaker 1: like I do every single right, and I don't know how.
Speaker 1: And also the husband in this situation and in mind
Speaker 1: gets the kids when they're awake and they're fresh and
Speaker 1: they're good, and all they have to do is get
Speaker 1: dressed and eat their breakfast, and then you shuttle them
Speaker 1: out the door to school, and there's probably an incentive
Speaker 1: for them to watch TV. Get dressed quickly so they
Speaker 1: can watch TV before they go to school in the evenings.
Speaker 1: That's a very different story there is that I've talked
Speaker 1: about this before. That interminable time between school pickup and
Speaker 1: the time that they close their eyes goes one hundred
Speaker 1: hours long. Yes, it doesn't feel that equal to me.
Speaker 1: What do you think Stacey Mon's I.
Speaker 2: Don't want to nitpick, but I read that bit differently.
Speaker 2: I thought about it because she said that she picks
Speaker 2: up the kids from after school care. So I think
Speaker 2: talking for him like six till nine am, and for
Speaker 2: her maybe five till seven thirty. If a kids go
Speaker 2: to bed at an okay time, and plus you can
Speaker 2: send them off to read a book or to watch
Speaker 2: tv ID.
Speaker 3: Do you think she's not the better shift send them
Speaker 3: off to read a book at five pm? Stacy, I
Speaker 3: love it. I am pro WROTA.
Speaker 2: I have done ROTA, but in a different way to
Speaker 2: this and my household he is maybe this is your
Speaker 2: solution to this Mons. It's almost day by day, so
Speaker 2: you're on day, you're off day. It doesn't necessarily have
Speaker 2: to work that way, but even in the early days,
Speaker 2: when my daughter was younger and would wake up a lot,
Speaker 2: you would have an on night and an off night,
Speaker 2: so you're on the lookout tonight. You've got to keep
Speaker 2: an ear out for when we need to go in
Speaker 2: and soothe her, and the other one ear plugs in
Speaker 2: and you're off.
Speaker 3: Jude, is this written on a calendar?
Speaker 2: No, No, it's just discussed before bed or like, who's
Speaker 2: more exhausted, Okay, it's your night.
Speaker 3: You always delegate we one person.
Speaker 2: We always did this as yep, you have monitor, so
Speaker 2: you have to listen out for the monitor. And even
Speaker 2: as recently as our holiday, which I've mentioned five hundred times,
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry. When we went to Fiji, we did
Speaker 2: a roster to go to the adults only Paul alone.
Speaker 2: So I did one till three and my husband did
Speaker 2: three till five. And before you say to me, but
Speaker 2: that's a family holiday, you meant to spend time, we
Speaker 2: spent the other twenty hours together. Twenty hours was enough.
Speaker 2: The other four we split up so that we had
Speaker 2: a little bit of a loan timem.
Speaker 3: No, like, this is where you lose me a bit,
Speaker 3: because he so even Catherine this article, she does mention
Speaker 3: that people often remark how regimented this feels and potentially
Speaker 3: a little bit of a grind. And I know that
Speaker 3: parenting is a grind, but I just wonder if you're
Speaker 3: sort of sacrificing the feeling of togetherness that you get
Speaker 3: by spending time together as a family unit by always
Speaker 3: splitting up the parenting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's a good good call and a
Speaker 1: good observation. But I think that's what weekends are for
Speaker 1: if you work a normal like Monday to Friday, that is,
Speaker 1: if parents aren't working on the weekend. But I often
Speaker 1: feel like that Monday to Friday, which is kind of
Speaker 1: what she's referring to, is the divide and conker. It
Speaker 1: is the kind of grind through the week. Yeah, fly
Speaker 1: time happens on the Sunday well.
Speaker 3: And then the other thing is, even as I say that,
Speaker 3: I'm going to argue with myself, I feel like family
Speaker 3: time can often be very stressful because you have two
Speaker 3: captains of a ship that probably should only have one captain.
Speaker 3: You're kind of bickering between the two of you. Actually
Speaker 3: capturing This article mentions she's noticed that her husband tends
Speaker 3: to be less detail oriented than her, so he might
Speaker 3: forget the homework, or he might get the uniform on wrong,
Speaker 3: or if he forgets to pack lunch or pick up
Speaker 3: lunch on the way to school, and she's noticed that
Speaker 3: she's more attuned to detail. And isn't that precisely the
Speaker 3: kind of difference that when two people are co parenting
Speaker 3: or parenting side by side, really creates tension.
Speaker 2: That is the mental load in a nutshell, like, I
Speaker 2: think that's completely what it is that you have a
Speaker 2: different way of doing it or you want things done
Speaker 2: a certain way. That's what creates the tension between you, and.
Speaker 3: Then therefore with the children because they pick up on
Speaker 3: that attention weakness exactly.
Speaker 2: And it's generalizing, but mostly men in hetero relationships are
Speaker 2: the ones that will just be like leave with a
Speaker 2: women a prayer. They won't pack a bag, they'll just
Speaker 2: go and things work out for them most of the time.
Speaker 2: Episode about it, they went to a pool and didn't
Speaker 2: take anything or anything at all, and the mom had
Speaker 2: to come to the rescue, which is generally what happens.
Speaker 2: But I loved that she said she leaves the house
Speaker 2: in the morning so she'll go and have time, yes
Speaker 2: to do whatever.
Speaker 1: And again that irritated me, Stacy, she has to leave
Speaker 1: her own house so that her husband can do the
Speaker 1: solo parents what.
Speaker 2: She wouldn't interfere, like it's none of her business. Then
Speaker 2: I love it because she's completely taking herself out of
Speaker 2: the equation.
Speaker 3: The kids can't come to her and say I want
Speaker 3: this or I want that. It's on him. I love it.
Speaker 3: I understand why this solution specifically addresses them mental load
Speaker 3: issue because if you are completely off the clock, it
Speaker 3: is none of your business. Now that the lunch is pucked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it's whether it was done the way you
Speaker 2: want it or not, it isn't none of your business.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what it is, is just giving
Speaker 2: yourself a little bit of space where you're out of
Speaker 2: the day.
Speaker 3: Like. But I wonder how it works for kind of
Speaker 3: like in between things. So just today, in fact, as
Speaker 3: we record this, my child is meant to be at
Speaker 3: an occupational therapy appointment. He is not. You know why,
Speaker 3: I forgot. It was a make up session and I forgot.
Speaker 3: Now that's in the middle of the day. So how
Speaker 3: does that work? Because there's some I guess what I'm
Speaker 3: saying is there are mental load issues that can't actually
Speaker 3: be put into time buckets. Yeah, and I wonder if
Speaker 3: that's the next frontier for Catherine and her husband to address.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's definitely gray area for this, like for
Speaker 2: things to follow down.
Speaker 3: Which high school should my child go to when they're
Speaker 3: in you know, year five like that kind of more
Speaker 3: long term thinking. I wonder how how we can come
Speaker 3: up with some sort of ingenious solution.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, it reminds me of there was a couple
Speaker 2: of years ago. This conversation has stuck in my mind
Speaker 2: so clearly between me and Friedman, friend of the show
Speaker 2: you might know her, and Holly Waynwright, they had a
Speaker 2: bit of an argie bargie on out loud about this,
Speaker 2: where Mia talked about, especially in the early years of
Speaker 2: having a baby, how you need to run it like
Speaker 2: a relay. So one person does stuff, will the other
Speaker 2: one has time off, then the other one does stuff.
Speaker 2: Holly said, it should be like a three legged race,
Speaker 2: so you're both in it together, dealing with the situation together,
Speaker 2: and I see the merits of both sides. I am
Speaker 2: definitely a relay parent in this scenario. But that's kind
Speaker 2: of what that's kind of what we're saying, is that
Speaker 2: you have to pick one or the other because otherwise
Speaker 2: resentment breeded.
Speaker 3: Although it's so interesting that analogy, because a three legged race,
Speaker 3: that person that the three legged contestant is always going
Speaker 3: to lose out to the relay.
Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, that's why you need a rota.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm pro wrota. I know I sound grumb about it,
Speaker 1: but it does work. What I can't. What I find
Speaker 1: fascinating actually are the three legged parents. What I find
Speaker 1: fascinating are double parent drops and pickups at school. Do
Speaker 1: you guys? Are either of you guys doing a double
Speaker 1: drop off or a double.
Speaker 3: Guilty love them? Why? I think it's nice. Maybe you're
Speaker 3: a better parent than me. That's lovely. I've been meaning
Speaker 3: to tell you that. I guess it comes out now.
Speaker 1: Today's generally interested because it feels like a school drop off,
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't need two of you to drop Harriet
Speaker 1: to year three classroom. Like, tell me about like, why
Speaker 1: is it the double Is it a ritual? Is it
Speaker 1: a routine?
Speaker 3: You're the one always reguling against optimization culture, and now
Speaker 3: you're telling you that I'm not fully optimized. That's because
Speaker 3: I don't want to be.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's nice to hold hands with your partner while
Speaker 2: you drop your kid off. It's oh, she's making me real. No,
Speaker 2: that was just terrible. It's really lovely. But it's because
Speaker 2: all I think when I see that is that's twenty
Speaker 2: minutes I could have gone and had a shower.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but keep in mind I don't do my hair,
Speaker 3: so that's saving some time. True, true, true, I noticed
Speaker 3: that today you're calling me a bad part.
Speaker 1: Double drop off parents. They are always quite relaxed. I
Speaker 1: will say that, like it's always coffee in hand, oh,
Speaker 1: having a little stroll. No one's called like pulling their
Speaker 1: child along saying where's.
Speaker 3: Your drink, butter, And there's nothing better than dropping them
Speaker 3: off and then complaining about them and what a bad
Speaker 3: mood they were in there. Yeah, yeah, that does sound nice.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't know.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's time to bring to you our recommendations. This
Speaker 1: is all the stuff that we're loving sick for the week,
Speaker 1: and a few different little tidbits today. Stacey, we always
Speaker 1: start with you, so I merely we're gonna start with
Speaker 1: you in stad.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, okay. I've got something called the Mickador Junior
Speaker 3: color wash repeat tablecloth. Now. I got this because we
Speaker 3: do a lot of dinners with extended family, and I
Speaker 3: just find those can be quite strenuous for children sitting
Speaker 3: there for a long time while people chat about the
Speaker 3: budget and tax reform. Weirdly, the kids are not engaged
Speaker 3: to it. I don't know why, so I made them wrong.
Speaker 3: But these color tablecloths are great for frankly everyone. I
Speaker 3: love coloring on them. So they're basically just like a
Speaker 3: giant tablecloth with drawings and stencils on it. It comes
Speaker 3: with washable texters that you draw on the tablecloth. Once
Speaker 3: you finish one tablecloth, you throw it in the washing
Speaker 3: machine and then you can start anew with it, and
Speaker 3: so cool, very calming for everyone. And here's a testament
Speaker 3: to how calming it is. A friend of mine noticed
Speaker 3: that we had this tablecloth. She recently had an eighth
Speaker 3: birthday party for her son at a time zone like
Speaker 3: one of those like terrible arcades with which the sound
Speaker 3: is absolutely deafening and you walk in as a parent
Speaker 3: and you just feel like your brain is melting. But
Speaker 3: the kids are like running around screaming, and she had
Speaker 3: just gotten the idea to use just a regular sheet
Speaker 3: that she put on a table in the middle of
Speaker 3: this time zone. Do you know what all the kids
Speaker 3: did Whenever they needed to just calm down a little
Speaker 3: bit from their screaming, they would come over and just
Speaker 3: like draw on the tablecloth a little bit. And I
Speaker 3: noticed how it seemed to be kind of calming them
Speaker 3: down and centering them before they went off to scream again.
Speaker 3: That's so cool.
Speaker 1: So do you need like special texters for it.
Speaker 3: So my friend just used literally a sheet and regular texts.
Speaker 3: But the one I'm recommending, as I say, it's twenty
Speaker 3: seven dollars. It comes with these washable markers so you
Speaker 3: can put it in the washing machine and reuse the stencil.
Speaker 1: That's good. That's a good reco. Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm actually I'm going to go buy one of
Speaker 2: those after this show. Yeah, that's really cool, yeah, Dacy Mine.
Speaker 2: This week, over the long weekend, I got to actually
Speaker 2: watch some TV.
Speaker 3: Wait, that doesn't sound like you.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, normally so high brow, aren't I
Speaker 2: but I will watched a lot of shows. One of
Speaker 2: them was finishing season two of Rivals, which is incredible,
Speaker 2: But that is not my reco. My reco is the
Speaker 2: new rom com on Netflix. I think it's the number
Speaker 2: one rom com on Netflix at the moment, called Office Romance.
Speaker 3: This is the Jlo. I am so curious about whether
Speaker 3: this is good. Look jury's out on that.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to tell you it's great, but I
Speaker 2: am going to tell you to watch it because I
Speaker 2: thoroughly enjoyed watching it. So it's Jlo and Brett Goldstein
Speaker 2: from Ted Lasso. So he wrote it for Jalo although.
Speaker 3: That did you see that they were doing that? Will
Speaker 3: they won't they? Like? Are they in Los?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 3: On the press tour and now they've just confirmed that
Speaker 3: they are in fact not in love and are not
Speaker 3: an item.
Speaker 2: I know, but there's interviews as far back as like
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one, twenty twenty two of him saying, oh
Speaker 2: I thought I'd marry Jalo one day. He has always
Speaker 2: been obsessed with Jlo. This is like shooting your shot.
Speaker 2: And he wrote the rom com for her. He said,
Speaker 2: we have a list of one, there's no one else
Speaker 2: we want to do this show. It's for you or
Speaker 2: it's not happening, and she said yes, And it's weird,
Speaker 2: it's quirky like it's a it's a great, just easy
Speaker 2: fluffy rom Does.
Speaker 3: He write ted Larsso? Yes, Okay, did you see that's
Speaker 3: coming back? First of all, yes, very excited. But then
Speaker 3: does it have similar humor to Ted Larso?
Speaker 2: I would say some of it, yes, but it's a
Speaker 2: bit more rogue, Like there's a lot of more rogue, yeah,
Speaker 2: because it's mostly it's an American movie, but he's British
Speaker 2: and he brings a lot of that British drama to it,
Speaker 2: like there's a running joke about the C word and
Speaker 2: how British people use that as a compliment. Like there's
Speaker 2: a lot of weird stuff going on that you won't expect.
Speaker 2: But I think that was why I liked it, Like
Speaker 2: I was like that, you know, it wasn't a stock
Speaker 2: standard Hallmark movie. Was a bit like it did keep
Speaker 2: you a bit on edge because you were like, what
Speaker 2: is going on in this weird movie?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I actually dis liked it.
Speaker 1: Is it something you can watch with your partner or
Speaker 1: is it just like pure girls watch?
Speaker 2: Yes, I think you could watch it with your partner
Speaker 2: because of that, because of the silly humor that's going
Speaker 2: I think I think.
Speaker 3: You should have signed your partner parenting like a parenting
Speaker 3: shift while you sit down and watch this with a
Speaker 3: bowl of popcorn. I think that's a great idea. What's
Speaker 3: your reco.
Speaker 1: I'm going to change my reco? Is that okay? I'm
Speaker 1: going I'm going.
Speaker 3: Crazy an unannounced reco.
Speaker 1: Hearing Amelia talk about time zones and the sensory overload
Speaker 1: that they are. Can I give you my greatest mum hack,
Speaker 1: my secret hidden mum haack? Yes, you know, you get
Speaker 1: advertised those loop ear do you ever get advertisers loop
Speaker 1: things to plugs? Plugs, they're called ear plugs, they're called
Speaker 1: loops and you they're like very discreete ear plugs and
Speaker 1: you put them in and they can barely see them.
Speaker 1: Don't waste your money, okay, because I bought them and
Speaker 1: they're fine. Like I'm sure that they work a lot
Speaker 1: really well for some people. If they've worked for you,
Speaker 1: good on you. Maybe I bought the wrong ones. But
Speaker 1: instead I went to the chemist and I bought like
Speaker 1: silicon ear plugs that are like they're just like a putty.
Speaker 1: Kids use them when they're swimming in pools and stuff.
Speaker 3: It's just a clear path.
Speaker 1: And I just put that in my ear and I
Speaker 1: don't cover up my whole elo, but I just cover
Speaker 1: enough of it that like muffles most of the sound.
Speaker 1: And I am doing this in basketball stadiums, on football fields,
Speaker 1: when you go like to supermarket, so anywhere there's like
Speaker 1: a lot of noise. It is. It has been so
Speaker 1: great because they're cheap. You can just buy as many
Speaker 1: as you want and just like.
Speaker 3: It's just kind of like turning the volume down a bit.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes.
Speaker 3: That reminds me of a friend of mine who when
Speaker 3: she would take her kids to a movie that she
Speaker 3: didn't want to see, she would pop in her air
Speaker 3: pods and listen to a true crime podcast.
Speaker 2: We're not using our free will enough. That is excellent. Yeah,
Speaker 2: are good?
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: So yeah, they just come in a four pack. You
Speaker 1: get them at like the chemist or chemist's warehouse or anywhere.
Speaker 1: It's just like, yeah, four pack of little silicon discs
Speaker 1: to kind of put in your ears.
Speaker 3: It's great.
Speaker 1: Okay, well that is all we have time for today.
Speaker 1: Thanks for spending your Saturday with us, or your Sunday
Speaker 1: or whenever you're listening.
Speaker 3: If I'm wandering around time zone, yeah, put us in
Speaker 3: your ears instead. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And for your weak ahead, I hope you can organize
Speaker 1: your parenting Rohta. If you're a double parent, God bless
Speaker 1: you and great job doing those double drop offs. And
Speaker 1: I hope that quality times. Serving you with.
Speaker 3: The sarcasm is not sarcastic.
Speaker 1: I'm being honest. I'm being honest, and listen. Also, if
Speaker 1: you're a dad who wants to go to the pub
Speaker 1: and learn about periods, like, more power to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, for what I said before. I was grumpy. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's about.
Speaker 3: Your post nit hair. How's it doing?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, so that was supposed to be my recommendation.
Speaker 1: I mean, week two of head lice and we've done
Speaker 1: three treatments. Now I think I've gotten on on top
Speaker 1: of it. But I ran into it's ruined my hair.
Speaker 1: My hair is so lank and so flat.
Speaker 3: Now watch from all the hair is so shiny. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that is the opposite.
Speaker 1: Shiny from the knit oil. Look it's a dead.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: So I asked Lee Campbell of You Beauty podcast. I said, Lee, please,
Speaker 1: for God's sake, help me. What do I do? And
Speaker 1: she said, I need a clarifying shampoo. So I went
Speaker 1: onto the you Beauty Facebook page. Probably everyone knows about this.
Speaker 1: It is such a great encyclopedia for beauty works. You
Speaker 1: just go to Facebook, you go to you Beauty and
Speaker 1: you just type in what you're looking for, and it's
Speaker 1: full of people recommending things. And they recommended the red
Speaker 1: wind tea tree shampoo. You get it at Woolies. It's
Speaker 1: a clarifying shampoo. I did that, why tree? Yes, yes, yes,
Speaker 1: it smells very good. You smell very clean, very clean
Speaker 1: and so yeah, that has been my that was my
Speaker 1: true record today like verdscribed Yeah, I love it all right,
Speaker 1: that's a we have time for. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: We will talk to you next week. Momamea acknowledges the
Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land on which we have recorded
Speaker 1: this podcast.