WEBVTT - Repeat Offender 0:00:12.810 --> 0:00:19.130 You're listening to a MoMA Mea podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges 0:00:19.210 --> 0:00:22.050 the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast 0:00:22.130 --> 0:00:26.650 is recorded on. This episode deals with suicidal idiation. Listener 0:00:26.770 --> 0:00:28.210 discretion is advised. 0:00:34.850 --> 0:00:35.050 AH. 0:00:35.250 --> 0:00:39.850 Trust It's the pillar of any relationship, romantic or not. Well, 0:00:39.850 --> 0:00:42.770 that's what Indy believes. She also thinks there's no reason 0:00:42.850 --> 0:00:44.970 not to give it out when you first meet someone. 0:00:45.370 --> 0:00:48.210 I've always been a big believer that trust is there 0:00:48.290 --> 0:00:50.890 until it's broken, and that's what I feel like it 0:00:51.090 --> 0:00:54.730 was with James. I had no reason not to trust him. 0:00:55.410 --> 0:00:59.650 Every person that I spoke to about him always spoke 0:00:59.690 --> 0:01:02.850 so highly of him and had nothing but positive things 0:01:02.890 --> 0:01:05.650 to say about him. Or he was really friendly, charismatic, 0:01:06.250 --> 0:01:09.050 and so yeah, I just saw, like all tics. 0:01:10.410 --> 0:01:14.330 Others might disagree, arguing trust should be earned, that Indie 0:01:14.370 --> 0:01:17.610 reckons is just going into life with a negative attitude. 0:01:17.890 --> 0:01:21.250 Nobody's got time for that. So what could possibly happen 0:01:21.330 --> 0:01:24.490 to make someone with her positive shiny outlook to a 0:01:24.530 --> 0:01:25.570 complete one eighty? 0:01:26.090 --> 0:01:29.410 I was so angry. I didn't feel sorry for him anymore. 0:01:29.650 --> 0:01:32.450 I didn't feel sad for him anymore. I was furious 0:01:32.970 --> 0:01:35.770 he was in a really awful situation. But I had 0:01:35.770 --> 0:01:39.210 to put myself first because I couldn't keep getting lied 0:01:39.250 --> 0:01:40.490 to again and again. 0:01:50.210 --> 0:01:52.770 I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex 0:01:53.010 --> 0:01:55.130 Come with me as we dive into a collection of 0:01:55.250 --> 0:01:59.690 unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 0:01:59.730 --> 0:02:04.170 hearts of the very people who live them. Today's story starts, 0:02:04.210 --> 0:02:08.490 as so many do, through Instagram. Indian knew of James, 0:02:08.490 --> 0:02:11.930 but didn't really know him until the old DM s i'd. 0:02:12.530 --> 0:02:15.690 One of my mutual friends said to James, you should 0:02:15.690 --> 0:02:18.930 follow India on Instagram, and so then he followed me 0:02:18.970 --> 0:02:21.730 on Instagram and every now and then he'd do like 0:02:21.730 --> 0:02:25.090 a little fire emoji, but nothing kind of came from it. 0:02:25.450 --> 0:02:28.410 And then he messaged me one day and he was like, 0:02:28.490 --> 0:02:31.650 let's catch up, but nothing came of that. And then 0:02:32.250 --> 0:02:36.250 we went into COVID lockdown, so we'll message each other 0:02:36.290 --> 0:02:39.250 a bit back and forth, and still nothing. And then 0:02:39.290 --> 0:02:42.450 once lockdown finished, then he messaged me and he basically said, 0:02:42.530 --> 0:02:45.010 now lockdown's finished, do you want to go on that date? 0:02:45.370 --> 0:02:46.050 So they did. 0:02:46.490 --> 0:02:49.410 It was an amazing first date, like it was honestly 0:02:49.450 --> 0:02:52.890 perfect from start to finish, and we went to a 0:02:52.930 --> 0:02:55.570 really nice Asian fusion restaurant. And do you know how 0:02:55.610 --> 0:02:58.730 sometimes in those restaurants, like the tables are really close together, 0:02:59.210 --> 0:03:02.650 but ours was completely separate away from everyone else, and 0:03:03.370 --> 0:03:06.650 it was like flowing conversation the whole time. And yeah, 0:03:06.690 --> 0:03:10.090 it was just a really, really nice first date. And 0:03:10.130 --> 0:03:12.690 he was very smooth, like he went to the toilet 0:03:12.770 --> 0:03:14.810 and then he snuck up and he went and paid. 0:03:15.010 --> 0:03:18.170 And the drive home, actually I dropped him home in 0:03:18.210 --> 0:03:21.530 the uber and we had to wear masks back then, 0:03:21.650 --> 0:03:25.210 and so then we kind of awkwardly looked at one 0:03:25.210 --> 0:03:28.210 another and pulled our masks down and kissed each other 0:03:28.610 --> 0:03:31.850 in the uber, and then he went inside. And yeah, 0:03:31.890 --> 0:03:34.770 the next day, I was eagerly like waiting by my 0:03:34.850 --> 0:03:37.610 phone hoping that he would message me, and yeah, he 0:03:37.690 --> 0:03:39.570 messaged me, and he wanted to go on another date, 0:03:39.690 --> 0:03:42.090 and so we saw each other a few days later, 0:03:42.250 --> 0:03:46.010 and it just continued. He was two years older than 0:03:46.010 --> 0:03:49.250 me and my dating history. I had been single for 0:03:49.290 --> 0:03:51.570 a few years at that stage because we were from 0:03:51.610 --> 0:03:54.610 the same area. Every person that I spoke to about 0:03:54.690 --> 0:03:58.690 him always spoke so highly of him and had nothing 0:03:58.730 --> 0:04:02.650 but positive things to say about him. He was really friendly, charismatic, 0:04:03.210 --> 0:04:06.450 and so yeah, I just saw like all ticks. He 0:04:06.570 --> 0:04:09.810 was amazing, Like he was really caring, he was thoughtful, 0:04:10.250 --> 0:04:13.290 he was kind, he made me love so much, and yeah, 0:04:13.370 --> 0:04:15.970 I just really cherished all those those few weeks. And 0:04:16.010 --> 0:04:18.730 then it got to I think about the three week mark, 0:04:18.810 --> 0:04:22.130 and he just said, I'm telling everyone that you're my girlfriend. 0:04:22.530 --> 0:04:25.410 And he had never had a girlfriend before either, so 0:04:25.530 --> 0:04:27.810 I was his first day of a girlfriend, which I 0:04:27.850 --> 0:04:29.650 thought was a little bit of a red flag, but 0:04:30.210 --> 0:04:33.170 it ended up being fine. He was an amazing boyfriend. 0:04:33.850 --> 0:04:37.210 We spent so much time together we ended up going 0:04:37.210 --> 0:04:40.650 into lockdown, and so because we were in lockdown, and 0:04:40.690 --> 0:04:43.130 then that forced us to spend even more time with 0:04:43.170 --> 0:04:46.090 one another. So we were in lockdown, but we were 0:04:46.170 --> 0:04:48.450 still trying to make things fun, like we would have 0:04:48.490 --> 0:04:51.610 a Mexican night, make spicy margaritas for one another. And 0:04:52.210 --> 0:04:54.210 I remember one of the first I think it was 0:04:54.250 --> 0:04:57.930 like the third date, he actually bought ingredients and came 0:04:57.970 --> 0:05:00.530 over to my apartment and cooked for me, which I 0:05:00.570 --> 0:05:03.890 just thought was so romantic. And he really wanted me 0:05:03.970 --> 0:05:07.810 to meet his family really quick into the relationship as well, 0:05:07.850 --> 0:05:11.490 which I also thought I had never really experienced that before. 0:05:11.850 --> 0:05:14.330 I thought that that was really like lovely of him. 0:05:14.410 --> 0:05:16.330 And he just seemed like he was really proud of 0:05:16.370 --> 0:05:19.050 me and proud to introduce me to all of his 0:05:19.490 --> 0:05:22.610 close friends and family. He had a lot of friends. 0:05:22.730 --> 0:05:26.570 He was a really friendly person. He was just so thoughtful. 0:05:26.970 --> 0:05:30.090 There was just so many like thoughtful aspects to him. 0:05:30.170 --> 0:05:32.770 And he made me laugh all the time, like we 0:05:32.810 --> 0:05:35.650 would just be laughing, and yeah, he just seemed like 0:05:35.650 --> 0:05:38.730 a really really good person. So from all my family, 0:05:38.930 --> 0:05:41.930 compared to all of my previous ex's, they were like, 0:05:42.450 --> 0:05:45.290 James is amazing. He seems like such a good guy. 0:05:45.450 --> 0:05:49.170 And so I was reassured from all of my friends 0:05:49.170 --> 0:05:50.530 and family around me as well. 0:05:50.970 --> 0:05:54.890 The relationship was good, easy and fun, and soon they 0:05:54.890 --> 0:05:56.210 were to take the next step. 0:05:56.610 --> 0:05:59.610 I had my own apartment, so I purchased my own place, 0:06:00.130 --> 0:06:03.410 and he was living in a sharehouse. So a lot 0:06:03.410 --> 0:06:05.370 of the time he would come over to my place 0:06:05.530 --> 0:06:09.450 and stay at mine because we had our own space there. 0:06:10.250 --> 0:06:14.370 And then he spoke about wanting to move out of 0:06:14.410 --> 0:06:18.010 his sharehouse and possibly move into his investment property. He 0:06:18.050 --> 0:06:21.610 had an investment property that was a few suburbs away 0:06:21.650 --> 0:06:25.330 from mine, and so then because we were spending I 0:06:25.370 --> 0:06:28.450 guess five out of seven nights with each other a week, 0:06:28.850 --> 0:06:30.690 I kind of just said, why don't you just move 0:06:30.730 --> 0:06:34.330 in here? And he did so he moved into my 0:06:34.450 --> 0:06:37.650 apartment and lived with me after six months, and I 0:06:37.650 --> 0:06:40.370 guess some people thought that that was a bit quick, 0:06:40.410 --> 0:06:42.730 but it just felt natural and it felt right, and 0:06:43.490 --> 0:06:46.050 it was lovely living together. We had our routine, we 0:06:46.090 --> 0:06:48.650 would go to the market every week and we would 0:06:48.650 --> 0:06:51.650 cook for one another, and we lived really well together. 0:06:51.810 --> 0:06:55.130 So yeah, it was all really positive from then. And 0:06:55.530 --> 0:07:00.210 we had some discussions about rent and him paying me rent, 0:07:00.290 --> 0:07:03.090 and he said to me he had quite a few fines, 0:07:03.130 --> 0:07:06.450 and so I said to him, that's fine. How about 0:07:06.450 --> 0:07:08.770 you pay me fifty dollars less each week in rent 0:07:08.890 --> 0:07:12.490 until you pay off all of your fines and then 0:07:12.650 --> 0:07:15.450 you can pay what he originally wanted to pay me 0:07:15.610 --> 0:07:18.210 once that's all sorted. And so he was really appreciative 0:07:18.210 --> 0:07:23.330 of that, and so that's what we did. However, when 0:07:23.370 --> 0:07:25.970 it came to him paying me at times, he just 0:07:26.010 --> 0:07:29.650 wouldn't and so it would be he'd get paid once 0:07:29.690 --> 0:07:31.730 a week, and we agreed he would just pay me 0:07:31.810 --> 0:07:34.810 weekly and then we'd split everything fifty to fifty for bills. 0:07:35.530 --> 0:07:38.530 And the first week, I remember, I just I got 0:07:38.530 --> 0:07:41.770 no money in my account. And I always feel so 0:07:41.970 --> 0:07:46.050 uncomfortable talking about money and having to follow people up 0:07:46.290 --> 0:07:49.290 for money, and so I think I messaged my sisters 0:07:49.290 --> 0:07:50.410 and I was like, I don't know what to do, 0:07:50.730 --> 0:07:52.730 and they were like, just give it like another week 0:07:52.810 --> 0:07:55.490 and steal nothing. So then I asked and he's like, 0:07:55.530 --> 0:07:57.850 I'm so sorry, and he'd transfer the money straight away. 0:07:58.530 --> 0:08:01.450 He was mortified and he apologized and he's like, I'm 0:08:01.450 --> 0:08:04.450 so sorry. He completely slipped my mind and he transferred 0:08:04.450 --> 0:08:07.970 it to me straight away. And then that kind of 0:08:08.010 --> 0:08:11.610 pattern just kept continuing, and then it kind of got 0:08:11.690 --> 0:08:13.330 to a stage where I would just bring it up 0:08:13.410 --> 0:08:15.530 and I would ask him and I'd say, where's the 0:08:15.570 --> 0:08:19.810 money in a nice way, and he would transfer it 0:08:19.890 --> 0:08:21.370 through to me. And I thought that it was a 0:08:21.370 --> 0:08:25.530 bit odd that he wouldn't transfer it, but then I 0:08:25.570 --> 0:08:28.650 would ask and then it would go in instantly. And 0:08:28.690 --> 0:08:31.530 then there would be times where he would say something 0:08:31.570 --> 0:08:33.850 to me, so he'd say, oh, do you mind if 0:08:34.130 --> 0:08:38.010 I don't pay this week because I have the owner's 0:08:38.050 --> 0:08:41.010 corp fee that I need to pay for my investment property, 0:08:41.050 --> 0:08:42.650 and I was like, that's so fine, you can just 0:08:42.650 --> 0:08:45.370 pay two weeks next week, and so little things like 0:08:45.410 --> 0:08:46.330 that would come up. 0:08:46.930 --> 0:08:50.490 Okay, so this wasn't great, but he would pay immediately 0:08:50.570 --> 0:08:53.210 every time, and he reminded him he hadn't. Maybe he 0:08:53.250 --> 0:08:55.570 was just a little forgetful or had his priority is 0:08:55.570 --> 0:08:56.170 a bit skewed. 0:08:56.610 --> 0:08:58.450 He was quite generous, and that's one of the thing 0:08:58.530 --> 0:09:01.410 that my friends all said that James would always go 0:09:01.450 --> 0:09:04.610 and buy them drinks, and yeah, be very generous with 0:09:04.650 --> 0:09:07.810 his money, but he was probably not spending his money 0:09:07.890 --> 0:09:10.890 in the best way that he should have been. And 0:09:11.050 --> 0:09:14.290 you know, they'd be times where he wouldn't pay for rent, 0:09:14.730 --> 0:09:17.730 but then he'd walk in. I still remember this so clearly. 0:09:17.770 --> 0:09:20.050 He walked in and he had all of these shopping 0:09:20.090 --> 0:09:23.090 bags and I looked in. I was like, what is 0:09:23.090 --> 0:09:25.450 that and he's like, oh, look, I bought myself and you, Tommy, 0:09:25.490 --> 0:09:28.410 he'll figure shirt and I bought myself this, And I 0:09:28.530 --> 0:09:31.610 just said, you owe me like three weeks worth of rent. 0:09:32.210 --> 0:09:34.530 Why don't you pay me that before you go off 0:09:34.530 --> 0:09:38.850 and buy yourself things that are not necessary. But anytime 0:09:38.890 --> 0:09:41.050 i'd have that conversation, then the money would just get 0:09:41.050 --> 0:09:45.970 transferred straight away. He would be mortified and he would apologize. 0:09:46.530 --> 0:09:50.450 He'd seem slightly embarrassed, but he just yeah, he would 0:09:50.450 --> 0:09:54.690 say sorry. Sometimes he would say that there was a 0:09:54.730 --> 0:09:57.170 bill that he'd have to pay for his investment property 0:09:57.690 --> 0:10:01.130 and that was the reason. So he just didn't like 0:10:01.690 --> 0:10:05.370 communicating about anything to do with money, and I didn't either. 0:10:05.530 --> 0:10:09.570 It's an awkward, uncomfortable topic. We never thought about anything, 0:10:09.770 --> 0:10:12.850 and so I feel like we had a very healthy relationship. 0:10:12.890 --> 0:10:15.490 But the only real issue was that he was quite 0:10:16.090 --> 0:10:20.370 lax when it came to paying rent on time. He's 0:10:20.570 --> 0:10:23.930 the type of person's like ignorance is bliss out of sight, 0:10:23.970 --> 0:10:27.210 out of mind, and he just wouldn't have an open 0:10:27.250 --> 0:10:29.890 conversation about those sorts of things. 0:10:31.010 --> 0:10:34.090 Apart from the huge number of fines James had, money 0:10:34.130 --> 0:10:36.850 wasn't actually an issue. They'd been together two years at 0:10:36.850 --> 0:10:39.930 this point. They both owned properties and had full time jobs. 0:10:40.210 --> 0:10:42.810 But James had lived in a sharehouse before and had 0:10:42.850 --> 0:10:45.730 never had a girlfriend, let alone lived with one, so 0:10:45.850 --> 0:10:48.970 Indy wasn't concerned. She just realized he might have some 0:10:49.050 --> 0:10:53.490 growing up to do. There was nothing of real concern. Yet. 0:10:53.970 --> 0:10:58.330 One day I was at home and he was out 0:10:58.410 --> 0:11:01.010 and I was looking for a pair of headphones, and 0:11:01.050 --> 0:11:04.170 so I went into his work bag and I was 0:11:04.210 --> 0:11:07.930 looking through and I saw a debt letter and so 0:11:08.210 --> 0:11:10.450 I just pulled it out. It looked like a fine. 0:11:10.690 --> 0:11:13.210 I was like, here we go again, another fine, because 0:11:13.290 --> 0:11:16.410 he had had so many fines. And I pulled it 0:11:16.450 --> 0:11:20.410 out and it was his name, our address, and it 0:11:20.490 --> 0:11:24.090 was a fine for ninety thousand dollars. And I just 0:11:24.290 --> 0:11:27.570 put it back and hit it and then I was 0:11:27.610 --> 0:11:30.210 in disbelief. I was kind of like, what did I 0:11:30.290 --> 0:11:31.970 just see? And then I went back to it because 0:11:31.970 --> 0:11:35.210 I'm like, surely I did not see that correctly, and 0:11:35.250 --> 0:11:38.410 I pulled it out and yeah, it was for around 0:11:38.410 --> 0:11:42.210 eighty nine thousand dollars. And when he came home, I 0:11:42.370 --> 0:11:44.970 just said, James, I was not snooping. I was looking 0:11:45.050 --> 0:11:48.690 for headphones and I saw this debt letter in your bag. 0:11:48.850 --> 0:11:51.130 I'm really concerned and I want to help you. Please 0:11:51.170 --> 0:11:54.130 tell me what's going on. And he looked at me 0:11:54.690 --> 0:11:59.370 so calmly, and he just said, oh, it's all good. 0:11:59.730 --> 0:12:02.650 The bank made a mistake. And I'm like what, And 0:12:02.690 --> 0:12:04.530 he's like, the bank made a mistake. I've got a 0:12:04.610 --> 0:12:07.810 letter work that retracts that debt letter that they sent me. 0:12:08.810 --> 0:12:11.010 I just said, the bank does not make a mistake 0:12:11.130 --> 0:12:14.490 like that. He was like, no, I'm telling you the truth. 0:12:14.850 --> 0:12:17.650 The bank made a mistake, and when I go to 0:12:17.690 --> 0:12:20.370 work tomorrow, I'll send you the letter. And we got 0:12:20.370 --> 0:12:23.090 into quite a big argument, and I ended up just 0:12:23.130 --> 0:12:25.530 getting my stuff and leaving. I went and spent the 0:12:25.570 --> 0:12:27.650 afternoon with my friends, but I did not discuss it 0:12:27.690 --> 0:12:30.050 with them, And then I came home and I just 0:12:30.050 --> 0:12:33.890 said to him, you have one opportunity to tell me 0:12:33.930 --> 0:12:38.410 the truth. Tell me what is going on. Eventually I 0:12:38.450 --> 0:12:41.850 got it out of him that he just stopped paying 0:12:41.850 --> 0:12:46.010 his mortgage repayments on his investment property and the bank 0:12:46.050 --> 0:12:48.290 took possession of it and sold it for less than 0:12:48.290 --> 0:12:50.210 what was worth, which is how he ended up with 0:12:50.210 --> 0:12:55.090 that ninety thousand dollars debt. I was so upset because 0:12:55.410 --> 0:12:58.290 I would have helped him. If he had said to me, 0:12:58.370 --> 0:13:01.290 I'm struggling with these mortgage repayments. I would have helped 0:13:01.330 --> 0:13:04.210 him pay half, or I would have not made him 0:13:04.210 --> 0:13:07.090 pay rent to live with me so he could focus 0:13:07.130 --> 0:13:11.210 on that. But it's the fact that he just completely 0:13:11.250 --> 0:13:14.890 hit it and didn't speak to me about it. It 0:13:14.970 --> 0:13:16.970 was kind of our light like because we were planning 0:13:17.010 --> 0:13:20.010 on buying house together and things like that, and so 0:13:20.130 --> 0:13:24.290 then with that big debt that was going to impact 0:13:24.410 --> 0:13:26.490 us like going forward, we weren't going to be able 0:13:26.530 --> 0:13:29.370 to buy a house together or anything like that. When 0:13:29.370 --> 0:13:32.410 he told me, he actually didn't have much emotion at all, 0:13:32.850 --> 0:13:35.490 and I guess it was the other way around. I 0:13:35.490 --> 0:13:37.810 wouldn't be able to cope. I don't even cope having 0:13:37.850 --> 0:13:40.170 like a few hundred dollars on my credit card, let 0:13:40.210 --> 0:13:44.890 alone losing a property and then having this massive ninety 0:13:44.890 --> 0:13:47.770 thousand dollars damp. It was months that he had just 0:13:47.810 --> 0:13:51.010 been living, and he'd been living this lie, and he 0:13:51.770 --> 0:13:55.770 showed no stress the way that he was living. I 0:13:55.810 --> 0:13:58.570 did not pick up at all that he was going 0:13:58.650 --> 0:14:03.730 through this massive obstacle in his life. He went to bed, 0:14:03.850 --> 0:14:07.010 he slept like normal, and Yeah, there was just no 0:14:07.170 --> 0:14:11.690 signs to pick up that he was dealing with this. 0:14:11.810 --> 0:14:13.810 And I felt sad for him as well. I felt 0:14:13.890 --> 0:14:16.330 sad that he dealt with that on his own. I 0:14:16.410 --> 0:14:19.170 was a mixed bag of feelings, So I guess at 0:14:19.170 --> 0:14:23.770 the start, yeah, I was in disbelief and then I 0:14:23.930 --> 0:14:27.810 was sad because I just knew that this would impact 0:14:28.170 --> 0:14:30.850 us years on. And so like I would go to 0:14:30.890 --> 0:14:32.490 work and I would drive in the car and i'd 0:14:32.490 --> 0:14:34.450 cry in the car, and then i'd get out and 0:14:34.490 --> 0:14:36.570 I'd like have my day of work, and then I 0:14:36.610 --> 0:14:39.050 would get home and I'd cry again. But it was 0:14:39.050 --> 0:14:40.930 all right. And then I went through a bit of 0:14:41.010 --> 0:14:43.490 anger and I got really angry with him and we'd 0:14:43.490 --> 0:14:45.930 get into arguments about it. But I feel like it 0:14:45.970 --> 0:14:48.330 was just because I wish he had have come to me. 0:14:48.490 --> 0:14:51.610 And I guess in a relationship, you are vulnerable and 0:14:52.210 --> 0:14:54.890 you tell your partner everything. And the fact that he 0:14:54.970 --> 0:14:58.370 was not willing to share that with me or allow 0:14:58.490 --> 0:15:02.010 me in that was quite hurtful as well. He actually 0:15:02.050 --> 0:15:05.170 asked me to not tell anyone. He didn't want me 0:15:05.250 --> 0:15:08.250 to share it with anyone, and he was really adamant, like, 0:15:08.330 --> 0:15:11.570 do not tell anyone about this. Yeah, I didn't want 0:15:12.010 --> 0:15:15.410 him to have that shame. When I found out that 0:15:15.450 --> 0:15:20.290 he'd lost the property, we actually went to see a counselor, 0:15:20.770 --> 0:15:24.890 and we went to a few counseling sessions, and the 0:15:24.930 --> 0:15:28.930 counselor actually said, you guys don't need to come anymore, 0:15:29.050 --> 0:15:32.210 and he was like, I see different couples all the time, 0:15:32.730 --> 0:15:35.490 and he was like, I sometimes think to myself, like, 0:15:35.610 --> 0:15:37.530 why are you even trying to fix this? You guys 0:15:37.570 --> 0:15:39.650 just need to break up. But he goes, I don't 0:15:39.650 --> 0:15:42.570 see that with you. You guys don't have anything else 0:15:42.570 --> 0:15:45.650 to work on. And I felt really confident in that. 0:15:46.810 --> 0:15:51.250 I really tried to push him into declaring bankruptcy because 0:15:51.370 --> 0:15:54.370 I just thought he could wipe it. It would be 0:15:54.410 --> 0:15:59.050 three years, but with declaring bankruptcy, you can't leave the country, 0:15:59.490 --> 0:16:02.410 and we had a big Europe trip planned and so 0:16:02.930 --> 0:16:05.130 he did not want to miss out on the Europe trip. 0:16:05.490 --> 0:16:07.650 He said that he would be able to afford it, 0:16:07.690 --> 0:16:10.130 and that he had already paid off most of the 0:16:10.210 --> 0:16:13.370 Europe trip, and so he was like, no, let's just 0:16:13.370 --> 0:16:16.250 do this dead agreement. I'll pay back a part of it. 0:16:16.730 --> 0:16:20.410 And then I was like, why didn't we move back 0:16:20.410 --> 0:16:23.810 to my parents? So I packed up my whole apartment, 0:16:23.890 --> 0:16:28.250 I packed up everything in that apartment, and we moved 0:16:28.490 --> 0:16:31.650 back to my parents and lived with my parents, just 0:16:31.690 --> 0:16:33.930 to try and save a bit more money. And I 0:16:33.930 --> 0:16:37.170 guess in relationships, you have to make sacrifices. And I 0:16:37.210 --> 0:16:39.890 was willing to make that sacrifice for him so he 0:16:39.930 --> 0:16:43.010 could still go to Europe and have the trip that 0:16:43.090 --> 0:16:46.450 we had been looking forward to for so long. I 0:16:46.490 --> 0:16:49.610 remember I was laying on the balcony like the night 0:16:49.650 --> 0:16:51.530 before we packed up, and I was laying in his lap, 0:16:51.650 --> 0:16:53.650 just crying because I did not want to move out, 0:16:53.930 --> 0:16:56.010 but I was still willing to do that for him. 0:16:56.370 --> 0:16:58.810 I feel like most people would agree going to Europe 0:16:58.810 --> 0:17:01.330 with a ninety thousand dollar debt to your name, it's 0:17:01.450 --> 0:17:06.170 not the wisest decision. Indeed, very much agreed, but James 0:17:06.170 --> 0:17:07.810 was an adult. The decision was his. 0:17:08.370 --> 0:17:11.450 I just thought that he needed to stay at home, 0:17:11.810 --> 0:17:16.210 needed to sort his finances out, and he really convinced 0:17:16.250 --> 0:17:19.530 me that he would be able to sort everything out. 0:17:19.730 --> 0:17:21.730 We sat down and we did a financial plan together, 0:17:22.090 --> 0:17:24.450 and we tried to do budgeting, and we created all 0:17:24.570 --> 0:17:27.450 different you know, the barefoot investor. We created all these 0:17:27.490 --> 0:17:31.250 different accounts for him so he could save for Europe. 0:17:31.370 --> 0:17:34.490 And I was convinced that he would be able to 0:17:34.690 --> 0:17:37.330 stick to that and he'd be able to afford it. 0:17:37.890 --> 0:17:40.410 He was a thirty one year old man that had 0:17:40.450 --> 0:17:44.130 an investment property, had a stable job and a stable income. 0:17:44.250 --> 0:17:46.890 And I just thought that it was up to him 0:17:47.010 --> 0:17:51.730 to make that grown up decision himself, and I was 0:17:51.810 --> 0:17:54.290 I was really looking forward to going. We had such 0:17:54.290 --> 0:17:57.810 an amazing trip booked and planned, and I did still 0:17:57.810 --> 0:18:00.410 want to go with him, but I just thought it 0:18:00.410 --> 0:18:03.370 would have been smarter for him to stay at home 0:18:03.610 --> 0:18:08.770 and deal with losing the property. And the other issue 0:18:08.810 --> 0:18:11.450 was is that he did not want to tell anyone 0:18:11.490 --> 0:18:13.450 in his life. He didn't want to tell his parents, 0:18:13.490 --> 0:18:16.170 he didn't want to tell any of his siblings, any 0:18:16.210 --> 0:18:19.410 of his friends, and I was really trying to encourage 0:18:19.450 --> 0:18:23.490 him to speak to them about it, but yeah, he's like, no, 0:18:23.930 --> 0:18:26.010 I don't want them to know. And I guess if 0:18:26.570 --> 0:18:29.170 he had a stayed home then that would have been 0:18:29.650 --> 0:18:32.370 alarm balles and they would have been wondering what was 0:18:32.370 --> 0:18:34.970 going on. So I think maybe that might have been 0:18:35.010 --> 0:18:36.090 another reason as well. 0:18:36.490 --> 0:18:39.290 So they moved in withind his parents, rented out her 0:18:39.330 --> 0:18:42.290 apartment to cover her mortgage, and saved as much as 0:18:42.290 --> 0:18:44.810 they could for six months before they jetted off on 0:18:44.890 --> 0:18:46.290 the trip of a lifetime. 0:18:48.650 --> 0:18:50.770 It was an amazing trip. We started off in Italy 0:18:50.930 --> 0:18:54.170 and he actually worked there for a bit, so he 0:18:54.210 --> 0:18:56.610 did a bit of work and yeah, we traveled all 0:18:56.690 --> 0:18:59.890 through Italy and then it got to Tuscany. We were 0:18:59.930 --> 0:19:03.530 in and he obviously doesn't have a credit card because 0:19:03.530 --> 0:19:05.730 he had a dead agreement, but he booked a higher 0:19:05.770 --> 0:19:08.770 car and they said you need to put a credit 0:19:08.770 --> 0:19:11.530 card down, and he's like, I don't have it. I 0:19:11.730 --> 0:19:14.050 tried to offer mine and they were like, no, the 0:19:14.090 --> 0:19:16.130 booking needs to be in your name if you're going 0:19:16.170 --> 0:19:20.370 to use your credit card. And then he offered up 0:19:20.530 --> 0:19:22.730 another option and he just said, look, you can put 0:19:22.770 --> 0:19:26.610 down five hundred euros off a debit card and then 0:19:26.650 --> 0:19:29.730 we will release that money when you return the car. 0:19:29.970 --> 0:19:32.410 And I just said, James, do that, that's fine, and 0:19:32.450 --> 0:19:34.570 he's like, I can't, and I'm like, what do you mean. 0:19:34.650 --> 0:19:37.130 He's like, I don't have five hundred euros. So he 0:19:37.290 --> 0:19:40.850 had come over to Europe with no money and he 0:19:41.210 --> 0:19:45.770 was relying on his weekly long service leave pay. That 0:19:45.890 --> 0:19:48.930 caused quite a few issues. I was really stressed and 0:19:49.490 --> 0:19:52.130 I said to him, how do you not have any 0:19:52.170 --> 0:19:56.370 money over here? Because if you get into an emergency, 0:19:56.690 --> 0:19:58.650 what are you going to do? And I wasn't going 0:19:58.690 --> 0:20:01.690 to be with him the whole time, so I said 0:20:01.690 --> 0:20:04.770 to him you know, when you're off traveling by yourself, 0:20:05.090 --> 0:20:07.450 if there is an emergency, message me and I will 0:20:07.450 --> 0:20:11.650 transfer your money if you need anything, and then we can't. 0:20:11.650 --> 0:20:13.930 I kind of didn't speak about it much after that, 0:20:14.570 --> 0:20:17.050 and he still was getting a weekly paid from his 0:20:17.170 --> 0:20:22.090 work from the long service leave salary, and then yeah, 0:20:22.170 --> 0:20:25.210 we traveled with other people, and so we were traveling 0:20:25.250 --> 0:20:27.810 all around Europe, and he kind of got into this 0:20:27.930 --> 0:20:31.050 awful cycle where he'd get paid and then he would 0:20:31.090 --> 0:20:33.010 spend all of his money and then it'll get to 0:20:33.050 --> 0:20:34.970 the end of the week and then he would rely 0:20:35.130 --> 0:20:37.770 on other people paying for him. So we would all 0:20:37.850 --> 0:20:40.210 take turns paying for dinners and things like that, and 0:20:40.250 --> 0:20:43.410 he would just never offer, and then it would get 0:20:43.450 --> 0:20:47.050 to his payday again and then he would pay everyone back, 0:20:47.090 --> 0:20:49.210 but then that meant that he was a few hundred 0:20:49.250 --> 0:20:52.250 dollars down. So it was just this cycle that he 0:20:53.170 --> 0:20:57.170 fell into throughout the whole trip. And then so we 0:20:57.170 --> 0:21:00.090 were actually over there as well for my thirtieth birthday, 0:21:00.530 --> 0:21:05.530 and so we were heading to our next destination for 0:21:05.730 --> 0:21:09.170 my birthday, and we were in an airport and it 0:21:09.210 --> 0:21:12.690 was like a layover, and I was sitting with my 0:21:12.810 --> 0:21:17.090 sisters and I saw him pacing around the airport and 0:21:17.530 --> 0:21:20.210 he was on the phone. He looked like he was crying. 0:21:20.410 --> 0:21:24.650 He was bright red, he was sweating bullets. And I 0:21:24.810 --> 0:21:26.530 was like to him, James, like what is going on? 0:21:26.570 --> 0:21:28.370 And you're okay? And he's like, it's fine. It's just 0:21:28.410 --> 0:21:31.530 a work thing. And I was like, you're on long 0:21:31.570 --> 0:21:33.930 service leave, like tell them to leave you alone. You 0:21:33.970 --> 0:21:36.370