1 00:00:12,810 --> 00:00:19,130 Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mea podcast. Mamma Mia acknowledges 2 00:00:19,210 --> 00:00:22,050 Speaker 1: the traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast 3 00:00:22,130 --> 00:00:26,650 Speaker 1: is recorded on. This episode deals with suicidal idiation. Listener 4 00:00:26,770 --> 00:00:28,210 Speaker 1: discretion is advised. 5 00:00:34,850 --> 00:00:35,050 Speaker 2: AH. 6 00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:39,850 Speaker 1: Trust It's the pillar of any relationship, romantic or not. Well, 7 00:00:39,850 --> 00:00:42,770 Speaker 1: that's what Indy believes. She also thinks there's no reason 8 00:00:42,850 --> 00:00:44,970 Speaker 1: not to give it out when you first meet someone. 9 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:48,210 Speaker 3: I've always been a big believer that trust is there 10 00:00:48,290 --> 00:00:50,890 Speaker 3: until it's broken, and that's what I feel like it 11 00:00:51,090 --> 00:00:54,730 Speaker 3: was with James. I had no reason not to trust him. 12 00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:59,650 Speaker 3: Every person that I spoke to about him always spoke 13 00:00:59,690 --> 00:01:02,850 Speaker 3: so highly of him and had nothing but positive things 14 00:01:02,890 --> 00:01:05,650 Speaker 3: to say about him. Or he was really friendly, charismatic, 15 00:01:06,250 --> 00:01:09,050 Speaker 3: and so yeah, I just saw, like all tics. 16 00:01:10,410 --> 00:01:14,330 Speaker 1: Others might disagree, arguing trust should be earned, that Indie 17 00:01:14,370 --> 00:01:17,610 Speaker 1: reckons is just going into life with a negative attitude. 18 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,250 Speaker 1: Nobody's got time for that. So what could possibly happen 19 00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:24,490 Speaker 1: to make someone with her positive shiny outlook to a 20 00:01:24,530 --> 00:01:25,570 Speaker 1: complete one eighty? 21 00:01:26,090 --> 00:01:29,410 Speaker 3: I was so angry. I didn't feel sorry for him anymore. 22 00:01:29,650 --> 00:01:32,450 Speaker 3: I didn't feel sad for him anymore. I was furious 23 00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:35,770 Speaker 3: he was in a really awful situation. But I had 24 00:01:35,770 --> 00:01:39,210 Speaker 3: to put myself first because I couldn't keep getting lied 25 00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:40,490 Speaker 3: to again and again. 26 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:52,770 Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an ex 27 00:01:53,010 --> 00:01:55,130 Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of 28 00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:59,690 Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the 29 00:01:59,730 --> 00:02:04,170 Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who live them. Today's story starts, 30 00:02:04,210 --> 00:02:08,490 Speaker 1: as so many do, through Instagram. Indian knew of James, 31 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:11,930 Speaker 1: but didn't really know him until the old DM s i'd. 32 00:02:12,530 --> 00:02:15,690 Speaker 3: One of my mutual friends said to James, you should 33 00:02:15,690 --> 00:02:18,930 Speaker 3: follow India on Instagram, and so then he followed me 34 00:02:18,970 --> 00:02:21,730 Speaker 3: on Instagram and every now and then he'd do like 35 00:02:21,730 --> 00:02:25,090 Speaker 3: a little fire emoji, but nothing kind of came from it. 36 00:02:25,450 --> 00:02:28,410 Speaker 3: And then he messaged me one day and he was like, 37 00:02:28,490 --> 00:02:31,650 Speaker 3: let's catch up, but nothing came of that. And then 38 00:02:32,250 --> 00:02:36,250 Speaker 3: we went into COVID lockdown, so we'll message each other 39 00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:39,250 Speaker 3: a bit back and forth, and still nothing. And then 40 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:42,450 Speaker 3: once lockdown finished, then he messaged me and he basically said, 41 00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:45,010 Speaker 3: now lockdown's finished, do you want to go on that date? 42 00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:46,050 Speaker 1: So they did. 43 00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:49,410 Speaker 3: It was an amazing first date, like it was honestly 44 00:02:49,450 --> 00:02:52,890 Speaker 3: perfect from start to finish, and we went to a 45 00:02:52,930 --> 00:02:55,570 Speaker 3: really nice Asian fusion restaurant. And do you know how 46 00:02:55,610 --> 00:02:58,730 Speaker 3: sometimes in those restaurants, like the tables are really close together, 47 00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:02,650 Speaker 3: but ours was completely separate away from everyone else, and 48 00:03:03,370 --> 00:03:06,650 Speaker 3: it was like flowing conversation the whole time. And yeah, 49 00:03:06,690 --> 00:03:10,090 Speaker 3: it was just a really, really nice first date. And 50 00:03:10,130 --> 00:03:12,690 Speaker 3: he was very smooth, like he went to the toilet 51 00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:14,810 Speaker 3: and then he snuck up and he went and paid. 52 00:03:15,010 --> 00:03:18,170 Speaker 3: And the drive home, actually I dropped him home in 53 00:03:18,210 --> 00:03:21,530 Speaker 3: the uber and we had to wear masks back then, 54 00:03:21,650 --> 00:03:25,210 Speaker 3: and so then we kind of awkwardly looked at one 55 00:03:25,210 --> 00:03:28,210 Speaker 3: another and pulled our masks down and kissed each other 56 00:03:28,610 --> 00:03:31,850 Speaker 3: in the uber, and then he went inside. And yeah, 57 00:03:31,890 --> 00:03:34,770 Speaker 3: the next day, I was eagerly like waiting by my 58 00:03:34,850 --> 00:03:37,610 Speaker 3: phone hoping that he would message me, and yeah, he 59 00:03:37,690 --> 00:03:39,570 Speaker 3: messaged me, and he wanted to go on another date, 60 00:03:39,690 --> 00:03:42,090 Speaker 3: and so we saw each other a few days later, 61 00:03:42,250 --> 00:03:46,010 Speaker 3: and it just continued. He was two years older than 62 00:03:46,010 --> 00:03:49,250 Speaker 3: me and my dating history. I had been single for 63 00:03:49,290 --> 00:03:51,570 Speaker 3: a few years at that stage because we were from 64 00:03:51,610 --> 00:03:54,610 Speaker 3: the same area. Every person that I spoke to about 65 00:03:54,690 --> 00:03:58,690 Speaker 3: him always spoke so highly of him and had nothing 66 00:03:58,730 --> 00:04:02,650 Speaker 3: but positive things to say about him. He was really friendly, charismatic, 67 00:04:03,210 --> 00:04:06,450 Speaker 3: and so yeah, I just saw like all ticks. He 68 00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:09,810 Speaker 3: was amazing, Like he was really caring, he was thoughtful, 69 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:13,290 Speaker 3: he was kind, he made me love so much, and yeah, 70 00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,970 Speaker 3: I just really cherished all those those few weeks. And 71 00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:18,730 Speaker 3: then it got to I think about the three week mark, 72 00:04:18,810 --> 00:04:22,130 Speaker 3: and he just said, I'm telling everyone that you're my girlfriend. 73 00:04:22,530 --> 00:04:25,410 Speaker 3: And he had never had a girlfriend before either, so 74 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,810 Speaker 3: I was his first day of a girlfriend, which I 75 00:04:27,850 --> 00:04:29,650 Speaker 3: thought was a little bit of a red flag, but 76 00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:33,170 Speaker 3: it ended up being fine. He was an amazing boyfriend. 77 00:04:33,850 --> 00:04:37,210 Speaker 3: We spent so much time together we ended up going 78 00:04:37,210 --> 00:04:40,650 Speaker 3: into lockdown, and so because we were in lockdown, and 79 00:04:40,690 --> 00:04:43,130 Speaker 3: then that forced us to spend even more time with 80 00:04:43,170 --> 00:04:46,090 Speaker 3: one another. So we were in lockdown, but we were 81 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:48,450 Speaker 3: still trying to make things fun, like we would have 82 00:04:48,490 --> 00:04:51,610 Speaker 3: a Mexican night, make spicy margaritas for one another. And 83 00:04:52,210 --> 00:04:54,210 Speaker 3: I remember one of the first I think it was 84 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:57,930 Speaker 3: like the third date, he actually bought ingredients and came 85 00:04:57,970 --> 00:05:00,530 Speaker 3: over to my apartment and cooked for me, which I 86 00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:03,890 Speaker 3: just thought was so romantic. And he really wanted me 87 00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:07,810 Speaker 3: to meet his family really quick into the relationship as well, 88 00:05:07,850 --> 00:05:11,490 Speaker 3: which I also thought I had never really experienced that before. 89 00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:14,330 Speaker 3: I thought that that was really like lovely of him. 90 00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:16,330 Speaker 3: And he just seemed like he was really proud of 91 00:05:16,370 --> 00:05:19,050 Speaker 3: me and proud to introduce me to all of his 92 00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:22,610 Speaker 3: close friends and family. He had a lot of friends. 93 00:05:22,730 --> 00:05:26,570 Speaker 3: He was a really friendly person. He was just so thoughtful. 94 00:05:26,970 --> 00:05:30,090 Speaker 3: There was just so many like thoughtful aspects to him. 95 00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:32,770 Speaker 3: And he made me laugh all the time, like we 96 00:05:32,810 --> 00:05:35,650 Speaker 3: would just be laughing, and yeah, he just seemed like 97 00:05:35,650 --> 00:05:38,730 Speaker 3: a really really good person. So from all my family, 98 00:05:38,930 --> 00:05:41,930 Speaker 3: compared to all of my previous ex's, they were like, 99 00:05:42,450 --> 00:05:45,290 Speaker 3: James is amazing. He seems like such a good guy. 100 00:05:45,450 --> 00:05:49,170 Speaker 3: And so I was reassured from all of my friends 101 00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:50,530 Speaker 3: and family around me as well. 102 00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:54,890 Speaker 1: The relationship was good, easy and fun, and soon they 103 00:05:54,890 --> 00:05:56,210 Speaker 1: were to take the next step. 104 00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:59,610 Speaker 3: I had my own apartment, so I purchased my own place, 105 00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:03,410 Speaker 3: and he was living in a sharehouse. So a lot 106 00:06:03,410 --> 00:06:05,370 Speaker 3: of the time he would come over to my place 107 00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:09,450 Speaker 3: and stay at mine because we had our own space there. 108 00:06:10,250 --> 00:06:14,370 Speaker 3: And then he spoke about wanting to move out of 109 00:06:14,410 --> 00:06:18,010 Speaker 3: his sharehouse and possibly move into his investment property. He 110 00:06:18,050 --> 00:06:21,610 Speaker 3: had an investment property that was a few suburbs away 111 00:06:21,650 --> 00:06:25,330 Speaker 3: from mine, and so then because we were spending I 112 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:28,450 Speaker 3: guess five out of seven nights with each other a week, 113 00:06:28,850 --> 00:06:30,690 Speaker 3: I kind of just said, why don't you just move 114 00:06:30,730 --> 00:06:34,330 Speaker 3: in here? And he did so he moved into my 115 00:06:34,450 --> 00:06:37,650 Speaker 3: apartment and lived with me after six months, and I 116 00:06:37,650 --> 00:06:40,370 Speaker 3: guess some people thought that that was a bit quick, 117 00:06:40,410 --> 00:06:42,730 Speaker 3: but it just felt natural and it felt right, and 118 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:46,050 Speaker 3: it was lovely living together. We had our routine, we 119 00:06:46,090 --> 00:06:48,650 Speaker 3: would go to the market every week and we would 120 00:06:48,650 --> 00:06:51,650 Speaker 3: cook for one another, and we lived really well together. 121 00:06:51,810 --> 00:06:55,130 Speaker 3: So yeah, it was all really positive from then. And 122 00:06:55,530 --> 00:07:00,210 Speaker 3: we had some discussions about rent and him paying me rent, 123 00:07:00,290 --> 00:07:03,090 Speaker 3: and he said to me he had quite a few fines, 124 00:07:03,130 --> 00:07:06,450 Speaker 3: and so I said to him, that's fine. How about 125 00:07:06,450 --> 00:07:08,770 Speaker 3: you pay me fifty dollars less each week in rent 126 00:07:08,890 --> 00:07:12,490 Speaker 3: until you pay off all of your fines and then 127 00:07:12,650 --> 00:07:15,450 Speaker 3: you can pay what he originally wanted to pay me 128 00:07:15,610 --> 00:07:18,210 Speaker 3: once that's all sorted. And so he was really appreciative 129 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:23,330 Speaker 3: of that, and so that's what we did. However, when 130 00:07:23,370 --> 00:07:25,970 Speaker 3: it came to him paying me at times, he just 131 00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:29,650 Speaker 3: wouldn't and so it would be he'd get paid once 132 00:07:29,690 --> 00:07:31,730 Speaker 3: a week, and we agreed he would just pay me 133 00:07:31,810 --> 00:07:34,810 Speaker 3: weekly and then we'd split everything fifty to fifty for bills. 134 00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:38,530 Speaker 3: And the first week, I remember, I just I got 135 00:07:38,530 --> 00:07:41,770 Speaker 3: no money in my account. And I always feel so 136 00:07:41,970 --> 00:07:46,050 Speaker 3: uncomfortable talking about money and having to follow people up 137 00:07:46,290 --> 00:07:49,290 Speaker 3: for money, and so I think I messaged my sisters 138 00:07:49,290 --> 00:07:50,410 Speaker 3: and I was like, I don't know what to do, 139 00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:52,730 Speaker 3: and they were like, just give it like another week 140 00:07:52,810 --> 00:07:55,490 Speaker 3: and steal nothing. So then I asked and he's like, 141 00:07:55,530 --> 00:07:57,850 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, and he'd transfer the money straight away. 142 00:07:58,530 --> 00:08:01,450 Speaker 3: He was mortified and he apologized and he's like, I'm 143 00:08:01,450 --> 00:08:04,450 Speaker 3: so sorry. He completely slipped my mind and he transferred 144 00:08:04,450 --> 00:08:07,970 Speaker 3: it to me straight away. And then that kind of 145 00:08:08,010 --> 00:08:11,610 Speaker 3: pattern just kept continuing, and then it kind of got 146 00:08:11,690 --> 00:08:13,330 Speaker 3: to a stage where I would just bring it up 147 00:08:13,410 --> 00:08:15,530 Speaker 3: and I would ask him and I'd say, where's the 148 00:08:15,570 --> 00:08:19,810 Speaker 3: money in a nice way, and he would transfer it 149 00:08:19,890 --> 00:08:21,370 Speaker 3: through to me. And I thought that it was a 150 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:25,530 Speaker 3: bit odd that he wouldn't transfer it, but then I 151 00:08:25,570 --> 00:08:28,650 Speaker 3: would ask and then it would go in instantly. And 152 00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:31,530 Speaker 3: then there would be times where he would say something 153 00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:33,850 Speaker 3: to me, so he'd say, oh, do you mind if 154 00:08:34,130 --> 00:08:38,010 Speaker 3: I don't pay this week because I have the owner's 155 00:08:38,050 --> 00:08:41,010 Speaker 3: corp fee that I need to pay for my investment property, 156 00:08:41,050 --> 00:08:42,650 Speaker 3: and I was like, that's so fine, you can just 157 00:08:42,650 --> 00:08:45,370 Speaker 3: pay two weeks next week, and so little things like 158 00:08:45,410 --> 00:08:46,330 Speaker 3: that would come up. 159 00:08:46,930 --> 00:08:50,490 Speaker 1: Okay, so this wasn't great, but he would pay immediately 160 00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:53,210 Speaker 1: every time, and he reminded him he hadn't. Maybe he 161 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,570 Speaker 1: was just a little forgetful or had his priority is 162 00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:56,170 Speaker 1: a bit skewed. 163 00:08:56,610 --> 00:08:58,450 Speaker 3: He was quite generous, and that's one of the thing 164 00:08:58,530 --> 00:09:01,410 Speaker 3: that my friends all said that James would always go 165 00:09:01,450 --> 00:09:04,610 Speaker 3: and buy them drinks, and yeah, be very generous with 166 00:09:04,650 --> 00:09:07,810 Speaker 3: his money, but he was probably not spending his money 167 00:09:07,890 --> 00:09:10,890 Speaker 3: in the best way that he should have been. And 168 00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:14,290 Speaker 3: you know, they'd be times where he wouldn't pay for rent, 169 00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:17,730 Speaker 3: but then he'd walk in. I still remember this so clearly. 170 00:09:17,770 --> 00:09:20,050 Speaker 3: He walked in and he had all of these shopping 171 00:09:20,090 --> 00:09:23,090 Speaker 3: bags and I looked in. I was like, what is 172 00:09:23,090 --> 00:09:25,450 Speaker 3: that and he's like, oh, look, I bought myself and you, Tommy, 173 00:09:25,490 --> 00:09:28,410 Speaker 3: he'll figure shirt and I bought myself this, And I 174 00:09:28,530 --> 00:09:31,610 Speaker 3: just said, you owe me like three weeks worth of rent. 175 00:09:32,210 --> 00:09:34,530 Speaker 3: Why don't you pay me that before you go off 176 00:09:34,530 --> 00:09:38,850 Speaker 3: and buy yourself things that are not necessary. But anytime 177 00:09:38,890 --> 00:09:41,050 Speaker 3: i'd have that conversation, then the money would just get 178 00:09:41,050 --> 00:09:45,970 Speaker 3: transferred straight away. He would be mortified and he would apologize. 179 00:09:46,530 --> 00:09:50,450 Speaker 3: He'd seem slightly embarrassed, but he just yeah, he would 180 00:09:50,450 --> 00:09:54,690 Speaker 3: say sorry. Sometimes he would say that there was a 181 00:09:54,730 --> 00:09:57,170 Speaker 3: bill that he'd have to pay for his investment property 182 00:09:57,690 --> 00:10:01,130 Speaker 3: and that was the reason. So he just didn't like 183 00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:05,370 Speaker 3: communicating about anything to do with money, and I didn't either. 184 00:10:05,530 --> 00:10:09,570 Speaker 3: It's an awkward, uncomfortable topic. We never thought about anything, 185 00:10:09,770 --> 00:10:12,850 Speaker 3: and so I feel like we had a very healthy relationship. 186 00:10:12,890 --> 00:10:15,490 Speaker 3: But the only real issue was that he was quite 187 00:10:16,090 --> 00:10:20,370 Speaker 3: lax when it came to paying rent on time. He's 188 00:10:20,570 --> 00:10:23,930 Speaker 3: the type of person's like ignorance is bliss out of sight, 189 00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:27,210 Speaker 3: out of mind, and he just wouldn't have an open 190 00:10:27,250 --> 00:10:29,890 Speaker 3: conversation about those sorts of things. 191 00:10:31,010 --> 00:10:34,090 Speaker 1: Apart from the huge number of fines James had, money 192 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,850 Speaker 1: wasn't actually an issue. They'd been together two years at 193 00:10:36,850 --> 00:10:39,930 Speaker 1: this point. They both owned properties and had full time jobs. 194 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:42,810 Speaker 1: But James had lived in a sharehouse before and had 195 00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:45,730 Speaker 1: never had a girlfriend, let alone lived with one, so 196 00:10:45,850 --> 00:10:48,970 Speaker 1: Indy wasn't concerned. She just realized he might have some 197 00:10:49,050 --> 00:10:53,490 Speaker 1: growing up to do. There was nothing of real concern. Yet. 198 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:58,330 Speaker 3: One day I was at home and he was out 199 00:10:58,410 --> 00:11:01,010 Speaker 3: and I was looking for a pair of headphones, and 200 00:11:01,050 --> 00:11:04,170 Speaker 3: so I went into his work bag and I was 201 00:11:04,210 --> 00:11:07,930 Speaker 3: looking through and I saw a debt letter and so 202 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,450 Speaker 3: I just pulled it out. It looked like a fine. 203 00:11:10,690 --> 00:11:13,210 Speaker 3: I was like, here we go again, another fine, because 204 00:11:13,290 --> 00:11:16,410 Speaker 3: he had had so many fines. And I pulled it 205 00:11:16,450 --> 00:11:20,410 Speaker 3: out and it was his name, our address, and it 206 00:11:20,490 --> 00:11:24,090 Speaker 3: was a fine for ninety thousand dollars. And I just 207 00:11:24,290 --> 00:11:27,570 Speaker 3: put it back and hit it and then I was 208 00:11:27,610 --> 00:11:30,210 Speaker 3: in disbelief. I was kind of like, what did I 209 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:31,970 Speaker 3: just see? And then I went back to it because 210 00:11:31,970 --> 00:11:35,210 Speaker 3: I'm like, surely I did not see that correctly, and 211 00:11:35,250 --> 00:11:38,410 Speaker 3: I pulled it out and yeah, it was for around 212 00:11:38,410 --> 00:11:42,210 Speaker 3: eighty nine thousand dollars. And when he came home, I 213 00:11:42,370 --> 00:11:44,970 Speaker 3: just said, James, I was not snooping. I was looking 214 00:11:45,050 --> 00:11:48,690 Speaker 3: for headphones and I saw this debt letter in your bag. 215 00:11:48,850 --> 00:11:51,130 Speaker 3: I'm really concerned and I want to help you. Please 216 00:11:51,170 --> 00:11:54,130 Speaker 3: tell me what's going on. And he looked at me 217 00:11:54,690 --> 00:11:59,370 Speaker 3: so calmly, and he just said, oh, it's all good. 218 00:11:59,730 --> 00:12:02,650 Speaker 3: The bank made a mistake. And I'm like what, And 219 00:12:02,690 --> 00:12:04,530 Speaker 3: he's like, the bank made a mistake. I've got a 220 00:12:04,610 --> 00:12:07,810 Speaker 3: letter work that retracts that debt letter that they sent me. 221 00:12:08,810 --> 00:12:11,010 Speaker 3: I just said, the bank does not make a mistake 222 00:12:11,130 --> 00:12:14,490 Speaker 3: like that. He was like, no, I'm telling you the truth. 223 00:12:14,850 --> 00:12:17,650 Speaker 3: The bank made a mistake, and when I go to 224 00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:20,370 Speaker 3: work tomorrow, I'll send you the letter. And we got 225 00:12:20,370 --> 00:12:23,090 Speaker 3: into quite a big argument, and I ended up just 226 00:12:23,130 --> 00:12:25,530 Speaker 3: getting my stuff and leaving. I went and spent the 227 00:12:25,570 --> 00:12:27,650 Speaker 3: afternoon with my friends, but I did not discuss it 228 00:12:27,690 --> 00:12:30,050 Speaker 3: with them, And then I came home and I just 229 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,890 Speaker 3: said to him, you have one opportunity to tell me 230 00:12:33,930 --> 00:12:38,410 Speaker 3: the truth. Tell me what is going on. Eventually I 231 00:12:38,450 --> 00:12:41,850 Speaker 3: got it out of him that he just stopped paying 232 00:12:41,850 --> 00:12:46,010 Speaker 3: his mortgage repayments on his investment property and the bank 233 00:12:46,050 --> 00:12:48,290 Speaker 3: took possession of it and sold it for less than 234 00:12:48,290 --> 00:12:50,210 Speaker 3: what was worth, which is how he ended up with 235 00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:55,090 Speaker 3: that ninety thousand dollars debt. I was so upset because 236 00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:58,290 Speaker 3: I would have helped him. If he had said to me, 237 00:12:58,370 --> 00:13:01,290 Speaker 3: I'm struggling with these mortgage repayments. I would have helped 238 00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:04,210 Speaker 3: him pay half, or I would have not made him 239 00:13:04,210 --> 00:13:07,090 Speaker 3: pay rent to live with me so he could focus 240 00:13:07,130 --> 00:13:11,210 Speaker 3: on that. But it's the fact that he just completely 241 00:13:11,250 --> 00:13:14,890 Speaker 3: hit it and didn't speak to me about it. It 242 00:13:14,970 --> 00:13:16,970 Speaker 3: was kind of our light like because we were planning 243 00:13:17,010 --> 00:13:20,010 Speaker 3: on buying house together and things like that, and so 244 00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:24,290 Speaker 3: then with that big debt that was going to impact 245 00:13:24,410 --> 00:13:26,490 Speaker 3: us like going forward, we weren't going to be able 246 00:13:26,530 --> 00:13:29,370 Speaker 3: to buy a house together or anything like that. When 247 00:13:29,370 --> 00:13:32,410 Speaker 3: he told me, he actually didn't have much emotion at all, 248 00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:35,490 Speaker 3: and I guess it was the other way around. I 249 00:13:35,490 --> 00:13:37,810 Speaker 3: wouldn't be able to cope. I don't even cope having 250 00:13:37,850 --> 00:13:40,170 Speaker 3: like a few hundred dollars on my credit card, let 251 00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:44,890 Speaker 3: alone losing a property and then having this massive ninety 252 00:13:44,890 --> 00:13:47,770 Speaker 3: thousand dollars damp. It was months that he had just 253 00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:51,010 Speaker 3: been living, and he'd been living this lie, and he 254 00:13:51,770 --> 00:13:55,770 Speaker 3: showed no stress the way that he was living. I 255 00:13:55,810 --> 00:13:58,570 Speaker 3: did not pick up at all that he was going 256 00:13:58,650 --> 00:14:03,730 Speaker 3: through this massive obstacle in his life. He went to bed, 257 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:07,010 Speaker 3: he slept like normal, and Yeah, there was just no 258 00:14:07,170 --> 00:14:11,690 Speaker 3: signs to pick up that he was dealing with this. 259 00:14:11,810 --> 00:14:13,810 Speaker 3: And I felt sad for him as well. I felt 260 00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:16,330 Speaker 3: sad that he dealt with that on his own. I 261 00:14:16,410 --> 00:14:19,170 Speaker 3: was a mixed bag of feelings, So I guess at 262 00:14:19,170 --> 00:14:23,770 Speaker 3: the start, yeah, I was in disbelief and then I 263 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:27,810 Speaker 3: was sad because I just knew that this would impact 264 00:14:28,170 --> 00:14:30,850 Speaker 3: us years on. And so like I would go to 265 00:14:30,890 --> 00:14:32,490 Speaker 3: work and I would drive in the car and i'd 266 00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,450 Speaker 3: cry in the car, and then i'd get out and 267 00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:36,570 Speaker 3: I'd like have my day of work, and then I 268 00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:39,050 Speaker 3: would get home and I'd cry again. But it was 269 00:14:39,050 --> 00:14:40,930 Speaker 3: all right. And then I went through a bit of 270 00:14:41,010 --> 00:14:43,490 Speaker 3: anger and I got really angry with him and we'd 271 00:14:43,490 --> 00:14:45,930 Speaker 3: get into arguments about it. But I feel like it 272 00:14:45,970 --> 00:14:48,330 Speaker 3: was just because I wish he had have come to me. 273 00:14:48,490 --> 00:14:51,610 Speaker 3: And I guess in a relationship, you are vulnerable and 274 00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:54,890 Speaker 3: you tell your partner everything. And the fact that he 275 00:14:54,970 --> 00:14:58,370 Speaker 3: was not willing to share that with me or allow 276 00:14:58,490 --> 00:15:02,010 Speaker 3: me in that was quite hurtful as well. He actually 277 00:15:02,050 --> 00:15:05,170 Speaker 3: asked me to not tell anyone. He didn't want me 278 00:15:05,250 --> 00:15:08,250 Speaker 3: to share it with anyone, and he was really adamant, like, 279 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:11,570 Speaker 3: do not tell anyone about this. Yeah, I didn't want 280 00:15:12,010 --> 00:15:15,410 Speaker 3: him to have that shame. When I found out that 281 00:15:15,450 --> 00:15:20,290 Speaker 3: he'd lost the property, we actually went to see a counselor, 282 00:15:20,770 --> 00:15:24,890 Speaker 3: and we went to a few counseling sessions, and the 283 00:15:24,930 --> 00:15:28,930 Speaker 3: counselor actually said, you guys don't need to come anymore, 284 00:15:29,050 --> 00:15:32,210 Speaker 3: and he was like, I see different couples all the time, 285 00:15:32,730 --> 00:15:35,490 Speaker 3: and he was like, I sometimes think to myself, like, 286 00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:37,530 Speaker 3: why are you even trying to fix this? You guys 287 00:15:37,570 --> 00:15:39,650 Speaker 3: just need to break up. But he goes, I don't 288 00:15:39,650 --> 00:15:42,570 Speaker 3: see that with you. You guys don't have anything else 289 00:15:42,570 --> 00:15:45,650 Speaker 3: to work on. And I felt really confident in that. 290 00:15:46,810 --> 00:15:51,250 Speaker 3: I really tried to push him into declaring bankruptcy because 291 00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:54,370 Speaker 3: I just thought he could wipe it. It would be 292 00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:59,050 Speaker 3: three years, but with declaring bankruptcy, you can't leave the country, 293 00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:02,410 Speaker 3: and we had a big Europe trip planned and so 294 00:16:02,930 --> 00:16:05,130 Speaker 3: he did not want to miss out on the Europe trip. 295 00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:07,650 Speaker 3: He said that he would be able to afford it, 296 00:16:07,690 --> 00:16:10,130 Speaker 3: and that he had already paid off most of the 297 00:16:10,210 --> 00:16:13,370 Speaker 3: Europe trip, and so he was like, no, let's just 298 00:16:13,370 --> 00:16:16,250 Speaker 3: do this dead agreement. I'll pay back a part of it. 299 00:16:16,730 --> 00:16:20,410 Speaker 3: And then I was like, why didn't we move back 300 00:16:20,410 --> 00:16:23,810 Speaker 3: to my parents? So I packed up my whole apartment, 301 00:16:23,890 --> 00:16:28,250 Speaker 3: I packed up everything in that apartment, and we moved 302 00:16:28,490 --> 00:16:31,650 Speaker 3: back to my parents and lived with my parents, just 303 00:16:31,690 --> 00:16:33,930 Speaker 3: to try and save a bit more money. And I 304 00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:37,170 Speaker 3: guess in relationships, you have to make sacrifices. And I 305 00:16:37,210 --> 00:16:39,890 Speaker 3: was willing to make that sacrifice for him so he 306 00:16:39,930 --> 00:16:43,010 Speaker 3: could still go to Europe and have the trip that 307 00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:46,450 Speaker 3: we had been looking forward to for so long. I 308 00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:49,610 Speaker 3: remember I was laying on the balcony like the night 309 00:16:49,650 --> 00:16:51,530 Speaker 3: before we packed up, and I was laying in his lap, 310 00:16:51,650 --> 00:16:53,650 Speaker 3: just crying because I did not want to move out, 311 00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,010 Speaker 3: but I was still willing to do that for him. 312 00:16:56,370 --> 00:16:58,810 Speaker 1: I feel like most people would agree going to Europe 313 00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,330 Speaker 1: with a ninety thousand dollar debt to your name, it's 314 00:17:01,450 --> 00:17:06,170 Speaker 1: not the wisest decision. Indeed, very much agreed, but James 315 00:17:06,170 --> 00:17:07,810 Speaker 1: was an adult. The decision was his. 316 00:17:08,370 --> 00:17:11,450 Speaker 3: I just thought that he needed to stay at home, 317 00:17:11,810 --> 00:17:16,210 Speaker 3: needed to sort his finances out, and he really convinced 318 00:17:16,250 --> 00:17:19,530 Speaker 3: me that he would be able to sort everything out. 319 00:17:19,730 --> 00:17:21,730 Speaker 3: We sat down and we did a financial plan together, 320 00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:24,450 Speaker 3: and we tried to do budgeting, and we created all 321 00:17:24,570 --> 00:17:27,450 Speaker 3: different you know, the barefoot investor. We created all these 322 00:17:27,490 --> 00:17:31,250 Speaker 3: different accounts for him so he could save for Europe. 323 00:17:31,370 --> 00:17:34,490 Speaker 3: And I was convinced that he would be able to 324 00:17:34,690 --> 00:17:37,330 Speaker 3: stick to that and he'd be able to afford it. 325 00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:40,410 Speaker 3: He was a thirty one year old man that had 326 00:17:40,450 --> 00:17:44,130 Speaker 3: an investment property, had a stable job and a stable income. 327 00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,890 Speaker 3: And I just thought that it was up to him 328 00:17:47,010 --> 00:17:51,730 Speaker 3: to make that grown up decision himself, and I was 329 00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:54,290 Speaker 3: I was really looking forward to going. We had such 330 00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:57,810 Speaker 3: an amazing trip booked and planned, and I did still 331 00:17:57,810 --> 00:18:00,410 Speaker 3: want to go with him, but I just thought it 332 00:18:00,410 --> 00:18:03,370 Speaker 3: would have been smarter for him to stay at home 333 00:18:03,610 --> 00:18:08,770 Speaker 3: and deal with losing the property. And the other issue 334 00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:11,450 Speaker 3: was is that he did not want to tell anyone 335 00:18:11,490 --> 00:18:13,450 Speaker 3: in his life. He didn't want to tell his parents, 336 00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:16,170 Speaker 3: he didn't want to tell any of his siblings, any 337 00:18:16,210 --> 00:18:19,410 Speaker 3: of his friends, and I was really trying to encourage 338 00:18:19,450 --> 00:18:23,490 Speaker 3: him to speak to them about it, but yeah, he's like, no, 339 00:18:23,930 --> 00:18:26,010 Speaker 3: I don't want them to know. And I guess if 340 00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:29,170 Speaker 3: he had a stayed home then that would have been 341 00:18:29,650 --> 00:18:32,370 Speaker 3: alarm balles and they would have been wondering what was 342 00:18:32,370 --> 00:18:34,970 Speaker 3: going on. So I think maybe that might have been 343 00:18:35,010 --> 00:18:36,090 Speaker 3: another reason as well. 344 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,290 Speaker 1: So they moved in withind his parents, rented out her 345 00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,290 Speaker 1: apartment to cover her mortgage, and saved as much as 346 00:18:42,290 --> 00:18:44,810 Speaker 1: they could for six months before they jetted off on 347 00:18:44,890 --> 00:18:46,290 Speaker 1: the trip of a lifetime. 348 00:18:48,650 --> 00:18:50,770 Speaker 3: It was an amazing trip. We started off in Italy 349 00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,170 Speaker 3: and he actually worked there for a bit, so he 350 00:18:54,210 --> 00:18:56,610 Speaker 3: did a bit of work and yeah, we traveled all 351 00:18:56,690 --> 00:18:59,890 Speaker 3: through Italy and then it got to Tuscany. We were 352 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:03,530 Speaker 3: in and he obviously doesn't have a credit card because 353 00:19:03,530 --> 00:19:05,730 Speaker 3: he had a dead agreement, but he booked a higher 354 00:19:05,770 --> 00:19:08,770 Speaker 3: car and they said you need to put a credit 355 00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:11,530 Speaker 3: card down, and he's like, I don't have it. I 356 00:19:11,730 --> 00:19:14,050 Speaker 3: tried to offer mine and they were like, no, the 357 00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:16,130 Speaker 3: booking needs to be in your name if you're going 358 00:19:16,170 --> 00:19:20,370 Speaker 3: to use your credit card. And then he offered up 359 00:19:20,530 --> 00:19:22,730 Speaker 3: another option and he just said, look, you can put 360 00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:26,610 Speaker 3: down five hundred euros off a debit card and then 361 00:19:26,650 --> 00:19:29,730 Speaker 3: we will release that money when you return the car. 362 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:32,410 Speaker 3: And I just said, James, do that, that's fine, and 363 00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,570 Speaker 3: he's like, I can't, and I'm like, what do you mean. 364 00:19:34,650 --> 00:19:37,130 Speaker 3: He's like, I don't have five hundred euros. So he 365 00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:40,850 Speaker 3: had come over to Europe with no money and he 366 00:19:41,210 --> 00:19:45,770 Speaker 3: was relying on his weekly long service leave pay. That 367 00:19:45,890 --> 00:19:48,930 Speaker 3: caused quite a few issues. I was really stressed and 368 00:19:49,490 --> 00:19:52,130 Speaker 3: I said to him, how do you not have any 369 00:19:52,170 --> 00:19:56,370 Speaker 3: money over here? Because if you get into an emergency, 370 00:19:56,690 --> 00:19:58,650 Speaker 3: what are you going to do? And I wasn't going 371 00:19:58,690 --> 00:20:01,690 Speaker 3: to be with him the whole time, so I said 372 00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:04,770 Speaker 3: to him you know, when you're off traveling by yourself, 373 00:20:05,090 --> 00:20:07,450 Speaker 3: if there is an emergency, message me and I will 374 00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:11,650 Speaker 3: transfer your money if you need anything, and then we can't. 375 00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:13,930 Speaker 3: I kind of didn't speak about it much after that, 376 00:20:14,570 --> 00:20:17,050 Speaker 3: and he still was getting a weekly paid from his 377 00:20:17,170 --> 00:20:22,090 Speaker 3: work from the long service leave salary, and then yeah, 378 00:20:22,170 --> 00:20:25,210 Speaker 3: we traveled with other people, and so we were traveling 379 00:20:25,250 --> 00:20:27,810 Speaker 3: all around Europe, and he kind of got into this 380 00:20:27,930 --> 00:20:31,050 Speaker 3: awful cycle where he'd get paid and then he would 381 00:20:31,090 --> 00:20:33,010 Speaker 3: spend all of his money and then it'll get to 382 00:20:33,050 --> 00:20:34,970 Speaker 3: the end of the week and then he would rely 383 00:20:35,130 --> 00:20:37,770 Speaker 3: on other people paying for him. So we would all 384 00:20:37,850 --> 00:20:40,210 Speaker 3: take turns paying for dinners and things like that, and 385 00:20:40,250 --> 00:20:43,410 Speaker 3: he would just never offer, and then it would get 386 00:20:43,450 --> 00:20:47,050 Speaker 3: to his payday again and then he would pay everyone back, 387 00:20:47,090 --> 00:20:49,210 Speaker 3: but then that meant that he was a few hundred 388 00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:52,250 Speaker 3: dollars down. So it was just this cycle that he 389 00:20:53,170 --> 00:20:57,170 Speaker 3: fell into throughout the whole trip. And then so we 390 00:20:57,170 --> 00:21:00,090 Speaker 3: were actually over there as well for my thirtieth birthday, 391 00:21:00,530 --> 00:21:05,530 Speaker 3: and so we were heading to our next destination for 392 00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:09,170 Speaker 3: my birthday, and we were in an airport and it 393 00:21:09,210 --> 00:21:12,690 Speaker 3: was like a layover, and I was sitting with my 394 00:21:12,810 --> 00:21:17,090 Speaker 3: sisters and I saw him pacing around the airport and 395 00:21:17,530 --> 00:21:20,210 Speaker 3: he was on the phone. He looked like he was crying. 396 00:21:20,410 --> 00:21:24,650 Speaker 3: He was bright red, he was sweating bullets. And I 397 00:21:24,810 --> 00:21:26,530 Speaker 3: was like to him, James, like what is going on? 398 00:21:26,570 --> 00:21:28,370 Speaker 3: And you're okay? And he's like, it's fine. It's just 399 00:21:28,410 --> 00:21:31,530 Speaker 3: a work thing. And I was like, you're on long 400 00:21:31,570 --> 00:21:33,930 Speaker 3: service leave, like tell them to leave you alone. You 401 00:21:33,970 --> 00:21:36,370 Speaker 3: don't need to be dealing with work things now. And 402 00:21:36,810 --> 00:21:40,010 Speaker 3: he said, the payroll lady at work has gone away 403 00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:43,050 Speaker 3: and I didn't get paid this week. And I was like, 404 00:21:43,290 --> 00:21:45,770 Speaker 3: that can't happen. You can't just not get paid, Like 405 00:21:45,850 --> 00:21:48,370 Speaker 3: message your boss right now and tell him that he 406 00:21:48,410 --> 00:21:50,930 Speaker 3: needs to transfer you the money. And he's like, it's 407 00:21:50,930 --> 00:21:53,970 Speaker 3: all good. I'll figure it out. And he walked off, 408 00:21:54,450 --> 00:21:56,970 Speaker 3: and a few people that we were with or said 409 00:21:57,090 --> 00:21:59,490 Speaker 3: is he okay? Like it does not look like it 410 00:21:59,530 --> 00:22:03,210 Speaker 3: looks like something's going on, and he was adamant it 411 00:22:03,250 --> 00:22:08,610 Speaker 3: was all fine. And then after that, he was drinking 412 00:22:08,650 --> 00:22:12,050 Speaker 3: excessive amounts of alcohol when he really didn't need too, 413 00:22:12,290 --> 00:22:14,250 Speaker 3: and I kept checking in on him and I just 414 00:22:14,330 --> 00:22:16,890 Speaker 3: kept saying like, is everything okay? He saw he was 415 00:22:16,930 --> 00:22:20,290 Speaker 3: like it's all fine, and then it got to my birthday, 416 00:22:20,410 --> 00:22:22,690 Speaker 3: I had like the best day. There was thirteen of 417 00:22:22,770 --> 00:22:25,170 Speaker 3: us that we were all together and we were on 418 00:22:25,210 --> 00:22:27,090 Speaker 3: a boat and it was just such a lovely day. 419 00:22:27,650 --> 00:22:30,610 Speaker 3: And then the day after, he said to me he'd 420 00:22:30,690 --> 00:22:33,490 Speaker 3: organized something for my birthday, and I was like, I 421 00:22:33,530 --> 00:22:35,530 Speaker 3: really don't want to do anything because I know that 422 00:22:35,610 --> 00:22:40,530 Speaker 3: you're struggling financially, and so please just cancel whatever you've organized. 423 00:22:40,570 --> 00:22:43,490 Speaker 3: And he said, no, it's all sorted like, we're still 424 00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:47,250 Speaker 3: doing it. And so then as we were walking to 425 00:22:47,570 --> 00:22:50,210 Speaker 3: what he had planned, he just broke down crying and 426 00:22:50,330 --> 00:22:54,090 Speaker 3: he just said, I can't afford this, And so I 427 00:22:54,170 --> 00:22:58,370 Speaker 3: paid for my own thirtieth birthday gift that he organized, 428 00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:01,330 Speaker 3: which was at this beach club. And I felt so 429 00:23:01,410 --> 00:23:04,010 Speaker 3: bad for him that I transferred him an extra few 430 00:23:04,050 --> 00:23:06,610 Speaker 3: hundred dollars as well, because I knew that he was 431 00:23:06,610 --> 00:23:10,010 Speaker 3: struggling with money and stuff over there too. I felt 432 00:23:10,010 --> 00:23:12,010 Speaker 3: really bad for him. I just I could see that 433 00:23:12,050 --> 00:23:17,330 Speaker 3: he was heartbroken, and it seemed like from his perspective, 434 00:23:17,370 --> 00:23:18,970 Speaker 3: I just think that he thought he was letting me 435 00:23:19,050 --> 00:23:22,090 Speaker 3: down for my birthday. And we still had a lovely day, 436 00:23:22,170 --> 00:23:24,370 Speaker 3: and we kind of just didn't speak about it. 437 00:23:24,650 --> 00:23:27,530 Speaker 1: This was exactly why India thought James going on this 438 00:23:27,570 --> 00:23:30,570 Speaker 1: trip wasn't a good idea. But she was really caught 439 00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:33,130 Speaker 1: between a rock and a hard place. They were already there, 440 00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:35,210 Speaker 1: they were with a big group of friends, and she 441 00:23:35,210 --> 00:23:37,490 Speaker 1: didn't want James to be embarrassed or feel like he 442 00:23:37,610 --> 00:23:40,170 Speaker 1: wasn't good enough. Plus Indy's birthday was going to be 443 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:43,290 Speaker 1: the most expensive part and that was now behind them. 444 00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:45,770 Speaker 1: He was still getting paid weekly while they were there, 445 00:23:46,050 --> 00:23:47,570 Speaker 1: and as soon as they got home they were going 446 00:23:47,610 --> 00:23:50,650 Speaker 1: to have some serious budgeting talks and get them both 447 00:23:50,730 --> 00:23:52,370 Speaker 1: as a couple back on track. 448 00:23:52,770 --> 00:23:57,130 Speaker 3: So then we get to Greece and we have an 449 00:23:57,170 --> 00:24:00,890 Speaker 3: amazing time. And actually while we were in Greece, he said, 450 00:24:01,730 --> 00:24:05,130 Speaker 3: let's start trying for kids. And I wanted to start 451 00:24:05,170 --> 00:24:07,370 Speaker 3: a family so badly, and that was our plan that 452 00:24:07,410 --> 00:24:09,010 Speaker 3: we were going to go to Europe, We're going to 453 00:24:09,010 --> 00:24:11,010 Speaker 3: come home and we're going to save for another six 454 00:24:11,050 --> 00:24:14,370 Speaker 3: months and then going to start trying. But he was like, 455 00:24:14,450 --> 00:24:17,130 Speaker 3: let's just start now, and I was like, no, I 456 00:24:17,130 --> 00:24:19,730 Speaker 3: don't think that's the right decision, Like, you need to 457 00:24:19,770 --> 00:24:22,370 Speaker 3: sort your finances out. I need to save money as well. 458 00:24:22,410 --> 00:24:26,130 Speaker 3: Babies are expensive we're not going to try now. I 459 00:24:26,290 --> 00:24:29,290 Speaker 3: was still living with my parents and so we had 460 00:24:29,290 --> 00:24:31,930 Speaker 3: planned to like come back, stay with them for a 461 00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:34,210 Speaker 3: few more months and then move into a bigger property 462 00:24:34,250 --> 00:24:37,370 Speaker 3: and then keep my place up for rant. But yeah, 463 00:24:37,410 --> 00:24:40,210 Speaker 3: I just was like, it's not the right time to start. 464 00:24:40,410 --> 00:24:42,490 Speaker 3: And that was something that I wanted so badly as 465 00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,850 Speaker 3: well that it was like I was happy that he 466 00:24:44,890 --> 00:24:47,090 Speaker 3: suggested it, but then I was like, no, like, I 467 00:24:47,250 --> 00:24:50,970 Speaker 3: just don't think that it's the right time. We had 468 00:24:51,050 --> 00:24:54,370 Speaker 3: gone engagement ring shopping, like he took me engagement ring 469 00:24:54,410 --> 00:24:57,530 Speaker 3: shopping to try on different styles and figure out what 470 00:24:57,570 --> 00:25:00,930 Speaker 3: I liked. And yeah, I just I thought I would 471 00:25:00,970 --> 00:25:03,650 Speaker 3: have kids with him and I'd end up with him 472 00:25:03,730 --> 00:25:07,090 Speaker 3: for the rest of my life. So yeah, I guess 473 00:25:07,090 --> 00:25:09,650 Speaker 3: it was a bit like disheartening that we weren't at 474 00:25:09,650 --> 00:25:13,010 Speaker 3: that stage. I knew we were get there eventually. So 475 00:25:13,170 --> 00:25:17,810 Speaker 3: then I finish off our trip and the final island 476 00:25:17,890 --> 00:25:19,770 Speaker 3: that we were going to, it was just James and 477 00:25:19,810 --> 00:25:23,970 Speaker 3: I and we stayed at the most beautiful AIRBMB. It 478 00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:27,050 Speaker 3: was so romantic and it was like at the very 479 00:25:27,090 --> 00:25:29,450 Speaker 3: top of this hill and you could see the whole 480 00:25:29,490 --> 00:25:32,730 Speaker 3: ocean and it had like this beautiful like infinity pool 481 00:25:32,850 --> 00:25:36,930 Speaker 3: and we got there and at this stage he owed 482 00:25:36,970 --> 00:25:39,530 Speaker 3: me quite a lot of money, and I just kind 483 00:25:39,570 --> 00:25:42,570 Speaker 3: of gave up on asking. And then I had just 484 00:25:42,610 --> 00:25:44,570 Speaker 3: paid quite a bit for the cod bikes and a 485 00:25:44,570 --> 00:25:47,250 Speaker 3: few other things, and I said to him, can you 486 00:25:47,290 --> 00:25:49,050 Speaker 3: just pay me a little bit of what you owe me? 487 00:25:49,730 --> 00:25:52,690 Speaker 3: And he was like I can't, and I'm like why 488 00:25:52,730 --> 00:25:55,770 Speaker 3: and he's like, because I got fired from work because 489 00:25:56,170 --> 00:25:58,930 Speaker 3: I've been stealing money from them and they just found out. 490 00:26:00,810 --> 00:26:04,930 Speaker 3: I just was in disbelief again. I was like, this 491 00:26:04,970 --> 00:26:07,850 Speaker 3: cannot be happening. And so I actually just got my 492 00:26:07,930 --> 00:26:10,370 Speaker 3: stuff and put my helmet on my cod bike and 493 00:26:10,410 --> 00:26:11,050 Speaker 3: just drove off. 494 00:26:11,770 --> 00:26:14,290 Speaker 2: I drove off, and I pulled to the side and 495 00:26:14,330 --> 00:26:17,770 Speaker 2: I was just like hysterically crying because I just yeah, 496 00:26:17,850 --> 00:26:19,450 Speaker 2: I was just like, surely not again. 497 00:26:20,770 --> 00:26:24,650 Speaker 3: And so I called my sister and she was just 498 00:26:24,850 --> 00:26:29,410 Speaker 3: in tears as well. On the phone. I was just like, 499 00:26:29,850 --> 00:26:30,690 Speaker 3: this cannot. 500 00:26:30,410 --> 00:26:34,850 Speaker 2: Be happening, and yeah, yeah, like an older Greek woman, 501 00:26:35,050 --> 00:26:36,970 Speaker 2: she heard me crying on the side of the road 502 00:26:37,010 --> 00:26:39,810 Speaker 2: and she came out to check on me. And then 503 00:26:40,810 --> 00:26:45,450 Speaker 2: I composed myself and I think I was away from 504 00:26:45,490 --> 00:26:48,930 Speaker 2: THEBB for about an hour, and then I went back 505 00:26:49,370 --> 00:26:52,050 Speaker 2: and I just said to him, like, you need to 506 00:26:52,090 --> 00:26:55,370 Speaker 2: tell me everything from start to finish, and yeah, he 507 00:26:55,490 --> 00:26:59,130 Speaker 2: just said that over the space of two years, he'd 508 00:26:59,170 --> 00:27:03,730 Speaker 2: stolen just under forty thousand dollars from them, and they 509 00:27:03,810 --> 00:27:07,410 Speaker 2: had fired him and they were possibly going to press 510 00:27:07,490 --> 00:27:11,850 Speaker 2: charges against him. And he found out when he was 511 00:27:11,850 --> 00:27:14,970 Speaker 2: at the airport, and so he obviously received a call 512 00:27:15,050 --> 00:27:18,610 Speaker 2: from his work asking him what was going on, and 513 00:27:19,330 --> 00:27:22,530 Speaker 2: that was when it all kind of unfolded. And so 514 00:27:23,210 --> 00:27:25,090 Speaker 2: he just kept saying that he didn't want to ruin 515 00:27:25,090 --> 00:27:28,130 Speaker 2: the trip for me, and so that's why he didn't 516 00:27:28,130 --> 00:27:30,290 Speaker 2: want me to find out until the very end. 517 00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:34,170 Speaker 3: And he actually hadn't even planned on telling me. When 518 00:27:34,210 --> 00:27:37,530 Speaker 3: he did, he Yeah, he just splitted it out and 519 00:27:37,570 --> 00:27:40,610 Speaker 3: he just said, workers found out that I've been stealing 520 00:27:40,650 --> 00:27:42,650 Speaker 3: from them and they fired me. 521 00:27:49,850 --> 00:27:52,250 Speaker 1: Indy felt like she'd left her own life and was 522 00:27:52,290 --> 00:27:56,650 Speaker 1: watching someone else's. This stuff didn't happen, not with someone 523 00:27:56,690 --> 00:28:00,250 Speaker 1: she'd known, lived with and loved for three years. She 524 00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:03,930 Speaker 1: had a million questions, but the most pressing one why. 525 00:28:04,450 --> 00:28:07,210 Speaker 3: He just said that he got himself into a massive 526 00:28:07,250 --> 00:28:10,370 Speaker 3: spiral and he just couldn't get out of it when 527 00:28:10,450 --> 00:28:13,690 Speaker 3: he'd have I think he had quite a few fines 528 00:28:14,090 --> 00:28:17,570 Speaker 3: that came from that debt of him losing the property 529 00:28:17,610 --> 00:28:20,490 Speaker 3: and a few other debts. So then he would tap 530 00:28:20,530 --> 00:28:24,410 Speaker 3: into some of that money and then he would use 531 00:28:24,450 --> 00:28:27,490 Speaker 3: his salary to pay that back, but then something else 532 00:28:27,530 --> 00:28:30,970 Speaker 3: would come up. And he just was not very responsible 533 00:28:30,970 --> 00:28:33,850 Speaker 3: when it came to money either. Like he you know, 534 00:28:34,130 --> 00:28:37,010 Speaker 3: saving you have to make sacrifices. You can't go out 535 00:28:37,010 --> 00:28:39,410 Speaker 3: for dinner all the time, and you can't go off 536 00:28:39,410 --> 00:28:43,610 Speaker 3: buying yourselves all these nice fancy things. But for him, 537 00:28:43,770 --> 00:28:48,370 Speaker 3: there was no making sacrifices. It was he could just 538 00:28:48,730 --> 00:28:53,290 Speaker 3: do everything in his mind. And then it made sense 539 00:28:53,730 --> 00:28:57,330 Speaker 3: because whenever I'd say, James, like you owe me this, 540 00:28:58,370 --> 00:29:00,890 Speaker 3: he would pay that money straight away, and it would 541 00:29:00,890 --> 00:29:04,090 Speaker 3: have been because of that stolen money. So there was 542 00:29:04,130 --> 00:29:09,130 Speaker 3: meant to be another week and we went home two 543 00:29:09,210 --> 00:29:12,050 Speaker 3: days later. I was worried about him, and the first 544 00:29:12,090 --> 00:29:13,930 Speaker 3: thing that I thought when I found out was that 545 00:29:14,210 --> 00:29:17,250 Speaker 3: I just needed to get him home safely. So I 546 00:29:17,610 --> 00:29:20,290 Speaker 3: changed our flights, so changed the fairies. We went home 547 00:29:20,330 --> 00:29:23,810 Speaker 3: early the day after I actually took him out, and 548 00:29:23,890 --> 00:29:27,050 Speaker 3: I tried to make it a fun day. We went 549 00:29:27,130 --> 00:29:30,330 Speaker 3: to a few different beaches, and we went out for lunch, 550 00:29:30,370 --> 00:29:32,090 Speaker 3: and we went out for dinner, and we just tried 551 00:29:32,130 --> 00:29:35,050 Speaker 3: to enjoy the last day before we were going back 552 00:29:35,090 --> 00:29:38,570 Speaker 3: home because I wanted to try and distract him. He 553 00:29:38,650 --> 00:29:42,170 Speaker 3: was really struggling mentally as well, so he just was 554 00:29:42,210 --> 00:29:45,050 Speaker 3: not in a good mental headspace. He did say he 555 00:29:45,090 --> 00:29:46,690 Speaker 3: was going to take his own life, and he said 556 00:29:46,690 --> 00:29:50,610 Speaker 3: that he'd thought about taking his own life a few times. 557 00:29:50,690 --> 00:29:53,530 Speaker 3: Throughout that trip. It was like a lot and it 558 00:29:53,570 --> 00:29:55,890 Speaker 3: was hard because it was like I was trying to 559 00:29:55,930 --> 00:29:57,850 Speaker 3: process all of this, but then I was trying to 560 00:29:57,850 --> 00:30:01,170 Speaker 3: be there to support him as well, and so yeah, 561 00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:07,610 Speaker 3: I couldn't really process everything properly myself. And so the 562 00:30:07,610 --> 00:30:10,530 Speaker 3: flights home they were tough, like it was a lot 563 00:30:10,530 --> 00:30:14,010 Speaker 3: of tears and him trying to figure out, Okay, what's 564 00:30:14,050 --> 00:30:17,730 Speaker 3: going to be my next career path. We got home 565 00:30:17,810 --> 00:30:21,130 Speaker 3: and he went back to his parents and I went 566 00:30:21,170 --> 00:30:23,930 Speaker 3: back to mine, and I wasn't going to break up 567 00:30:23,930 --> 00:30:25,450 Speaker 3: with him, like I was still going to stay with 568 00:30:25,530 --> 00:30:28,530 Speaker 3: him because I loved him, and I just kind of thought, 569 00:30:28,650 --> 00:30:32,690 Speaker 3: you know, this is like a tough hurdle that we're 570 00:30:32,730 --> 00:30:35,530 Speaker 3: facing but we're going to get through it. I just 571 00:30:35,530 --> 00:30:38,970 Speaker 3: said that we needed some space because I was trying 572 00:30:38,970 --> 00:30:41,930 Speaker 3: to process all of this. First, I was just trying 573 00:30:41,970 --> 00:30:45,850 Speaker 3: to care about his welfare, and then I was like, 574 00:30:45,930 --> 00:30:49,130 Speaker 3: I need to process this myself in my own space. 575 00:30:50,090 --> 00:30:54,010 Speaker 3: Then I started slowly telling my friends what was going on. 576 00:30:54,130 --> 00:30:57,330 Speaker 3: So I messaged a few of them and I just said, 577 00:30:58,250 --> 00:31:00,530 Speaker 3: I'm letting you know I'm coming home early because this 578 00:31:00,570 --> 00:31:03,450 Speaker 3: is a situation, and this is what's happened with James 579 00:31:03,490 --> 00:31:07,050 Speaker 3: and the friends that we traveled with. Like one of 580 00:31:07,090 --> 00:31:10,330 Speaker 3: my best friends, she was brought to tears by what 581 00:31:10,450 --> 00:31:13,730 Speaker 3: had happened. She couldn't believe. And then my other friend, 582 00:31:13,890 --> 00:31:17,090 Speaker 3: she was in America and she was like, I wanted 583 00:31:17,090 --> 00:31:19,290 Speaker 3: to change my flight and come home early. So like, 584 00:31:19,290 --> 00:31:21,690 Speaker 3: my friends were like so lovely and supportive through it all. 585 00:31:22,210 --> 00:31:24,570 Speaker 3: And then my other friend that I was traveling with, 586 00:31:25,210 --> 00:31:27,250 Speaker 3: I messaged her and I just said, look, I'm letting 587 00:31:27,290 --> 00:31:28,850 Speaker 3: you know that me and James are on a break 588 00:31:28,930 --> 00:31:33,170 Speaker 3: at the moment. He's had some real financial difficulties and 589 00:31:33,410 --> 00:31:37,210 Speaker 3: he's basically been stealing from his work and they found 590 00:31:37,210 --> 00:31:39,770 Speaker 3: out and they fired him and were trying to work 591 00:31:39,810 --> 00:31:43,850 Speaker 3: through things and she messaged me back and she said, girl, 592 00:31:43,850 --> 00:31:46,810 Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I didn't know how to tell you this. 593 00:31:47,450 --> 00:31:51,570 Speaker 3: But James messaged my boyfriend and asked to borrow money 594 00:31:51,930 --> 00:31:55,330 Speaker 3: and he lent him money and he's not paid him back. 595 00:31:56,170 --> 00:32:00,690 Speaker 3: He lent him ay one hundred dollars. My heart just 596 00:32:00,730 --> 00:32:03,570 Speaker 3: sunk and I just said not again, because I just 597 00:32:03,730 --> 00:32:06,050 Speaker 3: was like, it's just one thing after another, When is 598 00:32:06,090 --> 00:32:08,650 Speaker 3: this ever going to end. One of the worst parts 599 00:32:08,690 --> 00:32:11,770 Speaker 3: about it was is that he actually told us a story. 600 00:32:12,250 --> 00:32:15,010 Speaker 3: So my friend's boyfriend told us a story where one 601 00:32:15,010 --> 00:32:18,810 Speaker 3: of his friends asked to borrow some money and he 602 00:32:19,250 --> 00:32:21,690 Speaker 3: just never paid him back. And he kind of was like, 603 00:32:22,170 --> 00:32:24,650 Speaker 3: you know, I never got the money back, but it 604 00:32:24,770 --> 00:32:27,370 Speaker 3: is what it is, like I still respect him and 605 00:32:27,410 --> 00:32:29,650 Speaker 3: I still see him as a good friend. And so 606 00:32:29,850 --> 00:32:33,890 Speaker 3: James messaged him and in the message, he said, because 607 00:32:33,930 --> 00:32:37,370 Speaker 3: you told me about what had happened with your friend, 608 00:32:37,850 --> 00:32:40,290 Speaker 3: I feel comfortable coming to you because you know I'm 609 00:32:40,290 --> 00:32:43,970 Speaker 3: good for it. So he took his kindness for weakness. 610 00:32:45,090 --> 00:32:48,010 Speaker 3: He lied about transferring the money. He said that he 611 00:32:48,170 --> 00:32:51,050 Speaker 3: transferred it to him and then he waited a few 612 00:32:51,130 --> 00:32:54,330 Speaker 3: days and got nothing, and then he said, can you 613 00:32:54,370 --> 00:32:57,370 Speaker 3: please send me a bank transfer receipt to show that 614 00:32:57,410 --> 00:33:00,450 Speaker 3: you've actually transferred this money, and he sent a fake 615 00:33:00,490 --> 00:33:04,450 Speaker 3: bank transfer receipt. I was so angry. I didn't feel 616 00:33:04,490 --> 00:33:07,410 Speaker 3: sorry for him anymore. I didn't feel sad for him anymore. 617 00:33:07,530 --> 00:33:11,730 Speaker 3: I was I was furious. I was just like, you know, 618 00:33:11,770 --> 00:33:15,210 Speaker 3: you've done all of this, You've led me on, and 619 00:33:15,250 --> 00:33:18,530 Speaker 3: you've lied to me, and now you're involving my friends 620 00:33:19,090 --> 00:33:23,770 Speaker 3: in this. After that message, then I refused to speak 621 00:33:23,810 --> 00:33:27,370 Speaker 3: to him. So I actually contacted his mom and I 622 00:33:27,490 --> 00:33:29,970 Speaker 3: just said, he's done this again. I broke down in 623 00:33:30,050 --> 00:33:31,850 Speaker 3: tears on the phone to her and I just said, 624 00:33:31,850 --> 00:33:34,810 Speaker 3: why does this keep happening? Like why is he doing this? 625 00:33:35,010 --> 00:33:38,930 Speaker 3: And she was devastated as well, and she's just said 626 00:33:39,010 --> 00:33:43,490 Speaker 3: it's okay, we'll sort it out. Yeah, I said to 627 00:33:43,930 --> 00:33:46,530 Speaker 3: his mom, tell him not to contact me. I need 628 00:33:46,530 --> 00:33:48,810 Speaker 3: some space from him, and I'll speak to him when 629 00:33:48,810 --> 00:33:54,170 Speaker 3: I'm ready. And then I, yeah, basically packed all of 630 00:33:54,170 --> 00:33:57,290 Speaker 3: his stuff, every belonging that he had, into a bag. 631 00:33:57,410 --> 00:34:00,890 Speaker 3: I packed it in my car. And you know, he'd 632 00:34:00,890 --> 00:34:04,010 Speaker 3: already started telling people that we had broken up before 633 00:34:04,290 --> 00:34:07,890 Speaker 3: we'd even had the conversation. So I was like upset 634 00:34:07,930 --> 00:34:13,890 Speaker 3: because I was getting messages from his friend's girlfriends saying, 635 00:34:13,970 --> 00:34:16,410 Speaker 3: oh my gosh, we've just heard about you and James. 636 00:34:16,450 --> 00:34:20,210 Speaker 3: We're so sorry, and it's like we hadn't even had 637 00:34:20,250 --> 00:34:24,690 Speaker 3: that conversation yet, and so then I was kind of like, 638 00:34:24,730 --> 00:34:28,090 Speaker 3: that's it. So packed his stuff, I said, let's meet up, 639 00:34:28,570 --> 00:34:32,250 Speaker 3: and yeah, we had a conversation, and I just said, 640 00:34:32,250 --> 00:34:34,730 Speaker 3: I can't do this anymore, like you've yeah broke in 641 00:34:34,730 --> 00:34:37,090 Speaker 3: my heart, like the fact that you've done all of 642 00:34:37,130 --> 00:34:40,290 Speaker 3: this and you've lied to me. And I just actually 643 00:34:40,290 --> 00:34:43,010 Speaker 3: put it to him like this. I said, you know, 644 00:34:43,170 --> 00:34:47,130 Speaker 3: your sister is now dating a new person. I said, 645 00:34:47,610 --> 00:34:50,050 Speaker 3: if your sister came to you and said to you, 646 00:34:51,090 --> 00:34:54,490 Speaker 3: my boyfriend has done X, Y and Z, which is 647 00:34:54,490 --> 00:34:57,330 Speaker 3: what you've done to me, what would your advice be 648 00:34:57,610 --> 00:34:59,890 Speaker 3: to her? Would you say stay with him and give 649 00:34:59,970 --> 00:35:03,770 Speaker 3: him another chance, even though you've already I already gave 650 00:35:03,850 --> 00:35:06,530 Speaker 3: him so many chances. Or would you say break up? 651 00:35:06,570 --> 00:35:08,610 Speaker 3: And he said break up? And I said, there you go. 652 00:35:10,890 --> 00:35:13,610 Speaker 3: I was really hard. I had to get a lot 653 00:35:13,650 --> 00:35:18,170 Speaker 3: of my stuff from him, and like all of my 654 00:35:18,450 --> 00:35:22,130 Speaker 3: belongings were kind of stored at his parents' house and 655 00:35:22,170 --> 00:35:24,650 Speaker 3: then we packed all of that stuff up together and 656 00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:27,370 Speaker 3: put it in a storage unit, and he slipped this 657 00:35:27,490 --> 00:35:29,450 Speaker 3: letter in my bag and he just said, I'm going 658 00:35:29,530 --> 00:35:33,290 Speaker 3: to keep fighting for you until you tell me to stop. 659 00:35:33,810 --> 00:35:36,410 Speaker 3: Even after that, I was like, you know what, I 660 00:35:36,490 --> 00:35:40,410 Speaker 3: think that we will still get back together. And not 661 00:35:40,450 --> 00:35:42,370 Speaker 3: that I had hope, but I just kind of thought. 662 00:35:42,850 --> 00:35:44,810 Speaker 3: I always thought that he was my sole mate. He 663 00:35:44,930 --> 00:35:47,330 Speaker 3: was going to be the person that i'd settled down 664 00:35:47,370 --> 00:35:49,170 Speaker 3: with and be with for the rest of my life. 665 00:35:49,210 --> 00:35:52,290 Speaker 3: And I just thought, you know, maybe he'll sort everything 666 00:35:52,330 --> 00:35:56,250 Speaker 3: out and then we can start fresh again. And then 667 00:35:57,130 --> 00:36:00,490 Speaker 3: I'm so glad that I saw this mutual friend because 668 00:36:01,050 --> 00:36:03,810 Speaker 3: I ran into her. So this was a few months 669 00:36:03,850 --> 00:36:08,490 Speaker 3: after the breakup and we kind of cut contact and 670 00:36:09,530 --> 00:36:11,770 Speaker 3: I saw her and she was like to me, I'm 671 00:36:11,770 --> 00:36:13,730 Speaker 3: so sorry about you and James like, I hope that 672 00:36:13,770 --> 00:36:17,610 Speaker 3: you're okay, and I was like, oh, I know, like 673 00:36:17,650 --> 00:36:19,850 Speaker 3: and she goes, you know, he's never going to change. 674 00:36:19,890 --> 00:36:21,850 Speaker 3: He's always been like this, and I was like, what 675 00:36:21,890 --> 00:36:23,530 Speaker 3: do you mean, and she's like, you know, he did 676 00:36:23,610 --> 00:36:26,090 Speaker 3: this when he was in his early twenties and I 677 00:36:26,130 --> 00:36:29,090 Speaker 3: was like what, and she's like, yeah, he stole twenty 678 00:36:29,090 --> 00:36:33,050 Speaker 3: one grand from two people at this local sports club 679 00:36:33,090 --> 00:36:38,730 Speaker 3: as well, and I was again just in shock, but 680 00:36:38,850 --> 00:36:42,290 Speaker 3: I just felt so validated. He was a repeat offender 681 00:36:42,890 --> 00:36:46,650 Speaker 3: with these sorts of behaviors to do with money. It 682 00:36:46,690 --> 00:36:50,650 Speaker 3: really reassured me that I made the right decision in 683 00:36:51,130 --> 00:36:54,970 Speaker 3: not being with him, and it stopped me from holding 684 00:36:55,010 --> 00:36:59,690 Speaker 3: on to hope that we'd ever get back together. I 685 00:36:59,810 --> 00:37:02,810 Speaker 3: was absolutely heartbroken because, like I said, I thought that 686 00:37:02,850 --> 00:37:04,210 Speaker 3: I was going to be with him for the rest 687 00:37:04,250 --> 00:37:08,170 Speaker 3: of my life, and I actually I didn't imagine a 688 00:37:08,250 --> 00:37:12,050 Speaker 3: life without him, and so it was so much to 689 00:37:12,130 --> 00:37:15,810 Speaker 3: process all of that going on, but then also having 690 00:37:15,850 --> 00:37:19,290 Speaker 3: to deal with a breakup that I never thought, yeah, 691 00:37:19,330 --> 00:37:23,450 Speaker 3: that I never anticipated as well. So yeah, it was 692 00:37:23,810 --> 00:37:27,970 Speaker 3: really tough. I missed all of the things about our relationship. 693 00:37:28,090 --> 00:37:30,930 Speaker 3: We had such a great relationship. That was the sad 694 00:37:30,970 --> 00:37:33,690 Speaker 3: part of it, that we were so happy together and 695 00:37:34,050 --> 00:37:37,090 Speaker 3: there were so many positives. He was such a great person, 696 00:37:37,290 --> 00:37:42,450 Speaker 3: and that's why it kind of shocked everyone. It didn't 697 00:37:42,490 --> 00:37:45,050 Speaker 3: just shock me. It shocked my family, It shocked all 698 00:37:45,090 --> 00:37:48,290 Speaker 3: of our friends and everything like that, because I just 699 00:37:48,330 --> 00:37:51,050 Speaker 3: didn't think that he was capable of doing something like that. 700 00:37:51,730 --> 00:37:54,930 Speaker 3: It made me realize I had no idea who I 701 00:37:54,970 --> 00:37:58,290 Speaker 3: was dating for three years, and that scared me. And 702 00:37:58,610 --> 00:38:00,970 Speaker 3: it scared me that there was so much about him 703 00:38:01,010 --> 00:38:03,730 Speaker 3: that I didn't know and I had no idea about, 704 00:38:04,090 --> 00:38:06,130 Speaker 3: and that he hid from me and kept from me. 705 00:38:06,730 --> 00:38:10,450 Speaker 3: And the even scarier thing was how good he was 706 00:38:10,930 --> 00:38:15,810 Speaker 3: at put on this facade and lying. And yeah, he 707 00:38:15,890 --> 00:38:18,810 Speaker 3: was such a good liar. It was like ignorance is 708 00:38:19,050 --> 00:38:22,090 Speaker 3: bliss and out of sight, out of mind kind of thing. 709 00:38:22,250 --> 00:38:26,410 Speaker 3: So I think that's how he went on. And I 710 00:38:26,450 --> 00:38:30,210 Speaker 3: think he just thought, in his mind, if I don't 711 00:38:30,250 --> 00:38:32,410 Speaker 3: believe that this is happening, it's not actually happening. 712 00:38:32,890 --> 00:38:35,650 Speaker 1: She never really got any proper answers as to why 713 00:38:35,770 --> 00:38:38,770 Speaker 1: James did all this, why he was so bad with money, 714 00:38:38,810 --> 00:38:41,570 Speaker 1: why he lied while he stole and ripped off his 715 00:38:41,610 --> 00:38:42,250 Speaker 1: own friends. 716 00:38:42,890 --> 00:38:43,570 Speaker 3: But there was. 717 00:38:43,490 --> 00:38:45,850 Speaker 1: One thing in all of this she couldn't begin to 718 00:38:45,890 --> 00:38:47,450 Speaker 1: move on from without asking. 719 00:38:47,690 --> 00:38:51,370 Speaker 3: When we broke up, I said to him, I was like, 720 00:38:51,570 --> 00:38:55,410 Speaker 3: what were you doing in Europe trying to have a 721 00:38:55,530 --> 00:38:58,610 Speaker 3: child with me? Were you trying to trap me? And 722 00:38:58,690 --> 00:39:01,250 Speaker 3: he just said, I was just so excited about our 723 00:39:01,290 --> 00:39:06,050 Speaker 3: future together. I'm really good at compartmentalizing, and I was 724 00:39:06,130 --> 00:39:09,410 Speaker 3: just compartmentalizing what was going on and just thinking about 725 00:39:09,450 --> 00:39:13,610 Speaker 3: our future. And yeah, that as well. I was just like, 726 00:39:13,890 --> 00:39:17,930 Speaker 3: I can't believe that he, yeah, basically tried to baby 727 00:39:18,010 --> 00:39:21,490 Speaker 3: trap me too. I'm sad that it worked out the 728 00:39:21,530 --> 00:39:25,330 Speaker 3: way that it did, but I'm so grateful that I 729 00:39:25,370 --> 00:39:28,290 Speaker 3: got out when I did, and that we didn't start 730 00:39:28,290 --> 00:39:30,690 Speaker 3: that next chapter of having a child together, because that 731 00:39:30,730 --> 00:39:34,090 Speaker 3: would have just made things so much more complex. And 732 00:39:34,890 --> 00:39:39,250 Speaker 3: I don't want my future father of my children to 733 00:39:39,330 --> 00:39:43,090 Speaker 3: be a liar the way that he was. I would 734 00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:46,930 Speaker 3: never want anyone to think that because he had this 735 00:39:46,970 --> 00:39:49,170 Speaker 3: big debt that was the reason that I broke up 736 00:39:49,210 --> 00:39:52,770 Speaker 3: with him. I gave him so many chances. I uplifted 737 00:39:52,770 --> 00:39:55,250 Speaker 3: my whole life, moved back to my parents, we went 738 00:39:55,290 --> 00:39:58,690 Speaker 3: to counseling, we tried to work through everything. I gave 739 00:39:58,730 --> 00:40:02,250 Speaker 3: him so many chances, and it wasn't just about that. 740 00:40:02,330 --> 00:40:05,690 Speaker 3: It was about the lies and the deceit that just 741 00:40:05,890 --> 00:40:10,530 Speaker 3: I couldn't get over. He kept making me complicit in 742 00:40:10,570 --> 00:40:15,290 Speaker 3: his lies too. I did not appreciate, and we kept 743 00:40:15,410 --> 00:40:18,730 Speaker 3: arguing about it because there was one time where one 744 00:40:18,770 --> 00:40:21,650 Speaker 3: of his family members actually said so you guys are 745 00:40:21,730 --> 00:40:23,930 Speaker 3: moving back to your parents, and James still has his 746 00:40:24,010 --> 00:40:28,930 Speaker 3: investment property, doesn't he And I had to lie to 747 00:40:28,970 --> 00:40:34,010 Speaker 3: her because I didn't want to share that because he'd 748 00:40:34,050 --> 00:40:37,770 Speaker 3: asked me not to say anything. And I kept saying 749 00:40:37,770 --> 00:40:40,970 Speaker 3: to him, you need to start telling people because I 750 00:40:40,970 --> 00:40:44,010 Speaker 3: don't want to be complicit in this lie. You need 751 00:40:44,050 --> 00:40:46,330 Speaker 3: to come up with something, whether it's you've sold the 752 00:40:46,330 --> 00:40:48,770 Speaker 3: property or you no longer have possession of it or 753 00:40:48,810 --> 00:40:53,250 Speaker 3: something like that. And yeah, it was just it kind 754 00:40:53,330 --> 00:40:57,250 Speaker 3: of was a bit of a snowball effect. It wasn't 755 00:40:57,290 --> 00:40:59,610 Speaker 3: about the money. It was about the fact that he 756 00:40:59,730 --> 00:41:02,650 Speaker 3: kept lying and he kept putting me in the same 757 00:41:02,970 --> 00:41:06,210 Speaker 3: position over and over again. He was in a really 758 00:41:06,250 --> 00:41:09,810 Speaker 3: awful situation. But I had to put myself first because 759 00:41:09,890 --> 00:41:13,930 Speaker 3: I couldn't keep getting lied to again and again. He's 760 00:41:14,130 --> 00:41:16,850 Speaker 3: said this to a lot of people, that he's going 761 00:41:16,930 --> 00:41:19,890 Speaker 3: to work really hard on himself to try and get 762 00:41:19,930 --> 00:41:23,610 Speaker 3: me back. And I actually saw someone not long ago, 763 00:41:23,890 --> 00:41:26,610 Speaker 3: and she said to me, I saw him not long ago, 764 00:41:26,690 --> 00:41:28,610 Speaker 3: and he said that he's working on himself to get 765 00:41:28,650 --> 00:41:30,690 Speaker 3: you back, and I said, that's never going to happen. 766 00:41:30,810 --> 00:41:34,370 Speaker 3: I will never date him ever again. After all of 767 00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:36,850 Speaker 3: the things that I found out, and she goes, oh, like, 768 00:41:37,010 --> 00:41:39,890 Speaker 3: you know, he's told me. And I was like, well, 769 00:41:39,930 --> 00:41:42,130 Speaker 3: did he tell you this and this and this and this, 770 00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,810 Speaker 3: And she's like, no, he didn't tell me that. So 771 00:41:45,050 --> 00:41:50,290 Speaker 3: I think that he tells people one side of the 772 00:41:50,330 --> 00:41:55,850 Speaker 3: story that actually happened. It took me a few months 773 00:41:55,890 --> 00:41:59,650 Speaker 3: to kind of deal with the whole breakup, and I 774 00:41:59,690 --> 00:42:03,850 Speaker 3: went through my stages of sad anger, you know, stages 775 00:42:03,890 --> 00:42:08,210 Speaker 3: of grief. And now I'm back living in my place. 776 00:42:08,770 --> 00:42:11,450 Speaker 3: I'm really happy. I love having my own space again, 777 00:42:11,770 --> 00:42:15,930 Speaker 3: and I'm dating, and you know, I'm on the apps, 778 00:42:16,010 --> 00:42:19,370 Speaker 3: but they can be pretty tragic, but I'm having fun. 779 00:42:19,570 --> 00:42:23,730 Speaker 3: So I'm just trying to keep myself busy, spend lots 780 00:42:23,730 --> 00:42:26,690 Speaker 3: of time with friends and family, and I'm in a 781 00:42:26,730 --> 00:42:29,210 Speaker 3: really good place now. I really want to go back 782 00:42:29,250 --> 00:42:32,770 Speaker 3: to Europe, and I still had an amazing time in 783 00:42:32,810 --> 00:42:37,170 Speaker 3: Europe regardless of everything that happened. But I'm hoping to 784 00:42:37,210 --> 00:42:42,410 Speaker 3: go back by myself and make some new memories and yeah, 785 00:42:42,530 --> 00:42:46,930 Speaker 3: hopefully I can eventually meet the person of my dreams 786 00:42:47,050 --> 00:42:51,050 Speaker 3: that doesn't lie to me and break my trust. I've 787 00:42:51,090 --> 00:42:54,090 Speaker 3: always been a big believer that trust is there until 788 00:42:54,130 --> 00:42:56,730 Speaker 3: it's broken, and that's what I feel like it was 789 00:42:56,770 --> 00:43:00,250 Speaker 3: with James. I had no reason not to trust him, 790 00:43:00,450 --> 00:43:05,090 Speaker 3: and I'm hoping that going forward, I can take that 791 00:43:05,170 --> 00:43:08,450 Speaker 3: into new relationships as well. I really do hope that 792 00:43:08,530 --> 00:43:11,450 Speaker 3: he can sort himself out, he can sort his life out, 793 00:43:11,850 --> 00:43:14,850 Speaker 3: he can get back on track, and he is a 794 00:43:14,890 --> 00:43:17,530 Speaker 3: good person. He has a good heart, and he's just 795 00:43:17,610 --> 00:43:21,530 Speaker 3: made some really stupid decisions. And I hope that he 796 00:43:21,570 --> 00:43:25,450 Speaker 3: can learn from these decisions and these mistakes and that 797 00:43:25,530 --> 00:43:28,450 Speaker 3: he doesn't make them going forward. I just won't be 798 00:43:28,490 --> 00:43:29,210 Speaker 3: around to see it. 799 00:43:45,890 --> 00:43:48,850 Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex is a Minti Media production and 800 00:43:48,890 --> 00:43:51,810 Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. It's written 801 00:43:51,850 --> 00:43:55,490 Speaker 1: and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott. 802 00:43:55,730 --> 00:43:59,130 Speaker 1: If you like We've heard, support the podcast by hitting subscribe, 803 00:43:59,250 --> 00:44:01,810 Speaker 1: writing a review, and leaving us five stars. You can 804 00:44:01,850 --> 00:44:04,730 Speaker 1: also follow us on Instagram and Everyone has an X 805 00:44:05,010 --> 00:44:06,810 Speaker 1: And if you have a story you'd like to share, 806 00:44:06,890 --> 00:44:09,050 Speaker 1: you can contact us that Everyone Has an Ex at 807 00:44:09,130 --> 00:44:13,170 Speaker 1: Mintimedia dot com dot au or Soubmissions at mamamea dot 808 00:44:13,170 --> 00:44:16,290 Speaker 1: com dot U with the word submission in the subject field.