WEBVTT - The Relationship Guy 0:00:10.888 --> 0:00:15.528 You're listening to Amma Mer podcast. Muma Mer acknowledges the 0:00:15.568 --> 0:00:17.808 traditional owners of the land and waters. 0:00:17.848 --> 0:00:19.528 This podcast is recorded on. 0:00:26.248 --> 0:00:29.648 The relationship Guy, an elusive rare breed in this day 0:00:29.688 --> 0:00:32.848 and age. The guy who loves being someone's person, who 0:00:32.888 --> 0:00:35.928 wants and enjoys the simplicity and comfort of being with 0:00:36.007 --> 0:00:39.048 a partner, no questioning if he likes you, no wondering 0:00:39.128 --> 0:00:42.168 how long you should wait to text, no drama. 0:00:42.168 --> 0:00:44.488 Do things like go to the markets on the weekend 0:00:44.648 --> 0:00:46.928 and go into the beach. And I had a couple 0:00:47.008 --> 0:00:48.928 of dogs, being able to take them to the park 0:00:49.008 --> 0:00:50.808 and kind of just do things. 0:00:50.608 --> 0:00:51.848 That were adult. 0:00:52.088 --> 0:00:56.968 I felt happy, and I also felt secure. I just 0:00:57.048 --> 0:00:58.768 felt like it was easy. 0:00:58.688 --> 0:01:01.048 And once you're at this level of comfort, it's all 0:01:01.088 --> 0:01:05.008 smooth sailing. Here's the relationship guy, after all, commitment and 0:01:05.048 --> 0:01:06.728 stability is his whole thing. 0:01:07.208 --> 0:01:13.248 I got this scream saying Sarah, and I ran down 0:01:13.288 --> 0:01:16.448 to her office and the look that she had on 0:01:16.488 --> 0:01:20.248 her face was just this look of someone who just 0:01:20.288 --> 0:01:23.008 felt super sorry for me, And I was like, what 0:01:23.128 --> 0:01:36.368 is it? And she just said, I'm so sorry, I'm Georgia. 0:01:36.048 --> 0:01:38.648 Love and this is everyone has an eggs come with 0:01:38.688 --> 0:01:42.087 me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories 0:01:42.128 --> 0:01:45.648 about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of 0:01:45.688 --> 0:01:49.328 the very people who lived them. Meet Sarah at thirty two. 0:01:49.408 --> 0:01:52.368 She was living a great life. She had a few relationships, 0:01:52.408 --> 0:01:55.047 a couple of job changes, had moved to a new city, 0:01:55.168 --> 0:01:56.568 and was really finding her feet. 0:01:56.888 --> 0:01:59.848 I was actually a bit of a transformative period of 0:01:59.968 --> 0:02:00.448 my life. 0:02:00.568 --> 0:02:01.528 I was early thirties. 0:02:01.768 --> 0:02:04.968 I had just been kicking some career goals, buying into 0:02:05.088 --> 0:02:07.888 the business that I worked for, just bought my first property, 0:02:08.368 --> 0:02:11.608 had my dogs, great group of friends, and one thing 0:02:11.648 --> 0:02:13.648 that was missing was having someone. 0:02:13.408 --> 0:02:14.008 To share it with. 0:02:14.368 --> 0:02:17.127 I was a bit past the partying days and the 0:02:17.208 --> 0:02:19.648 days of meeting the boy at the pub, and I 0:02:19.808 --> 0:02:21.447 did turn to online dating. 0:02:21.288 --> 0:02:22.727 And that's where she met Jeff. 0:02:23.008 --> 0:02:25.808 He was probably not someone I necessarily would have swiped 0:02:25.848 --> 0:02:28.648 on five years earlier, but he didn't have the typical 0:02:28.808 --> 0:02:32.208 fish photos and things on his profile. He was a 0:02:32.248 --> 0:02:36.768 teacher and he played sport, and you know, he kind 0:02:36.808 --> 0:02:39.368 of seemed to do things that I liked to do 0:02:39.448 --> 0:02:42.008 in his profile. So it did catch my attention for 0:02:42.088 --> 0:02:44.928 different reasons of just the kind of physical appearance. And 0:02:45.407 --> 0:02:47.407 that's what I was looking for was something a bit 0:02:47.407 --> 0:02:50.648 more long term rather than just you know, someone that 0:02:50.688 --> 0:02:52.448 you go on a couple of dates with and he 0:02:52.528 --> 0:02:55.928 looks like hot candy. Yeah, And the conversation was just 0:02:56.008 --> 0:02:59.248 quite free flowing. On my bio at the time. It 0:02:59.328 --> 0:03:02.168 was someone who likes to eat my food, play with 0:03:02.168 --> 0:03:04.288 my dogs, and make me laugh. And he said I 0:03:04.288 --> 0:03:07.328 can tickle those three boxes. First face to face was 0:03:07.368 --> 0:03:09.688 probably a week afterwards, so I think we started to 0:03:09.808 --> 0:03:12.567 talking on the Sunday, and then the following Sunday he 0:03:12.848 --> 0:03:15.167 asked if I would like to go on a date. 0:03:15.648 --> 0:03:18.368 Just said we're something casual and he would pick me up. 0:03:18.688 --> 0:03:21.608 He picked me up and we went down to watch 0:03:21.648 --> 0:03:25.127 the sunset. He made a picnic cheese board and got 0:03:25.168 --> 0:03:26.928 a bottle of wine and we sat there and watched 0:03:26.928 --> 0:03:29.127 the sunset and talked and got to know each other. 0:03:29.488 --> 0:03:31.728 Then he dropped me home, gave me a kiss good night, 0:03:31.848 --> 0:03:33.848 and I kind of put it up there as one 0:03:33.928 --> 0:03:36.568 of those perfect first dates, you know, knocking on the 0:03:36.568 --> 0:03:39.448 door and then coming and opening car door, taking it 0:03:39.528 --> 0:03:43.008 down there, me not having to worry about anything. Also, 0:03:43.088 --> 0:03:46.568 I guess in terms of when we were talking there 0:03:46.648 --> 0:03:50.408 was actually free following conversation. It wasn't trying to you know, 0:03:50.448 --> 0:03:52.568 you don't know someone, but he took points of what 0:03:52.648 --> 0:03:55.808 we had talked about the week before and kind of 0:03:55.848 --> 0:03:58.488 made it into conversations so that we we had comedy 0:03:58.488 --> 0:04:01.688 interest and it wasn't just that awkward first date. So 0:04:01.848 --> 0:04:05.368 for me, I thought that, you know, that's it was 0:04:05.408 --> 0:04:07.528 a bit more, you know, a bit more substance to it. 0:04:07.768 --> 0:04:11.208 Substance was exactly what Sarah at this stage of her life, 0:04:11.488 --> 0:04:14.607 especially having just come out of a pretty recent big heartbreak. 0:04:15.008 --> 0:04:17.928 I did have a partner up here for a couple 0:04:18.008 --> 0:04:20.848 of years, and you know, we lived together and I 0:04:20.888 --> 0:04:23.608 thought that we would be going on to get married 0:04:23.648 --> 0:04:26.967 and have kids. And we broke up quite suddenly, and 0:04:27.327 --> 0:04:29.527 he said he'd fallen out of love, and you can't 0:04:29.648 --> 0:04:32.928 change fit someone's mind on that, unfortunately. So after that 0:04:32.967 --> 0:04:35.968 all happened, that's when some other things I really put 0:04:36.008 --> 0:04:38.608 my mind to with in terms of work and buying 0:04:38.607 --> 0:04:41.408 my first property and whatnot. So I you know, going, okay, 0:04:41.448 --> 0:04:43.687 well I'm going to get those things done. And it 0:04:43.768 --> 0:04:46.568 was probably you know, a year or so after that. Definitely, 0:04:46.568 --> 0:04:48.207 you know, had a bit of dating in between, but 0:04:48.288 --> 0:04:51.207 nothing of any substance. So I kind of got myself 0:04:51.248 --> 0:04:53.128 to the point where I was feeling really good, and 0:04:53.168 --> 0:04:56.248 then I could attract something good as well, just at 0:04:56.288 --> 0:04:58.528 that stage of your life where you're a bit over 0:04:58.648 --> 0:05:01.288 mucking around and you know, you don't know if you're 0:05:01.568 --> 0:05:03.928 deciding to have kids or not deciding to have kids, 0:05:03.928 --> 0:05:06.208 but those things you're looking for probably more of a 0:05:06.207 --> 0:05:08.848 future partner than than just of mate for a. 0:05:08.768 --> 0:05:11.728 While, and the the very first day, Jeff seemed like 0:05:12.008 --> 0:05:13.048 just that kind of guy. 0:05:13.568 --> 0:05:16.288 As soon as he dropped me home, we were talking 0:05:16.528 --> 0:05:20.008 more again. He asked if he could cook me dinner 0:05:20.048 --> 0:05:23.527 on the Tuesday at his house. He owned a property 0:05:23.688 --> 0:05:26.128 about ten minutes from my house. His was a bit 0:05:26.128 --> 0:05:28.888 of a different situation. He did have housemtes, but it 0:05:28.928 --> 0:05:31.128 was an elevated house, so he had the downstairs and 0:05:31.168 --> 0:05:35.008 he had housemates upstairs, so we still had privacy. So yeah, 0:05:35.048 --> 0:05:39.008 I went out to his again. He listened to what 0:05:39.048 --> 0:05:41.608 we talked about, and he cooked me a steak and 0:05:42.128 --> 0:05:44.168 we had a steak and a bottle of wine. I 0:05:44.248 --> 0:05:47.328 ended up staying there that night, and you know, we 0:05:47.528 --> 0:05:49.688 just got along and talked and it was just like 0:05:49.808 --> 0:05:53.808 we almost to a degree fell into a relationship before 0:05:53.808 --> 0:05:58.008 it even started. So the next I guess month after that, 0:05:58.128 --> 0:06:00.488 it was we were doing things with friends, and we 0:06:00.648 --> 0:06:04.728 essentially were a couple basically straight away, so spending three 0:06:04.808 --> 0:06:07.648 or four nights a week together. But also I think 0:06:07.688 --> 0:06:09.488 it could have been six or seven, but I was 0:06:09.488 --> 0:06:13.327 trying to maintain independence and you know, not getting into 0:06:13.368 --> 0:06:15.888 something too quickly. But it was quite easy to kind 0:06:15.888 --> 0:06:17.207 of fall into that bubble. 0:06:17.568 --> 0:06:20.248 It made sense from Jeff's side too. He was very 0:06:20.327 --> 0:06:21.728 much the relationship guy. 0:06:22.128 --> 0:06:25.128 He had a partner from high school, ten year relationship 0:06:25.568 --> 0:06:28.848 and they had only separated about a year before. She 0:06:28.888 --> 0:06:32.208 obviously lived there with him, and so there was a 0:06:32.248 --> 0:06:34.808 couple of photos of them still up in the wall, 0:06:34.847 --> 0:06:37.007 and I did ask him and I went, I actually 0:06:37.048 --> 0:06:38.728 had a look at it, and he goes, yeah, we're 0:06:38.727 --> 0:06:40.968 still friendly, and he's like, I do need to take 0:06:40.967 --> 0:06:44.048 them down. The second bedroom had some boxes and stuff 0:06:44.087 --> 0:06:46.568 in it, and he said that he was planning on 0:06:46.808 --> 0:06:50.208 the main school holidays to take that stuff back down 0:06:50.248 --> 0:06:52.767 south to her, And I thought, you know, what a 0:06:52.808 --> 0:06:56.328 green flag that he can actually still have a positive 0:06:56.327 --> 0:06:59.047 relationship with his ex in the fact that you know, 0:06:59.087 --> 0:07:02.128 he's willing to take her stuff to her and they 0:07:02.168 --> 0:07:05.328 don't have this. I hate my ex partner situation, so 0:07:05.368 --> 0:07:08.008 I thought it was showing maturity, because ten years of 0:07:08.048 --> 0:07:10.088 your life with someone is a long time to turn 0:07:10.128 --> 0:07:12.927 around and hate them. So in the past I have 0:07:13.328 --> 0:07:16.448 had some people cheat on me before, and normally I 0:07:16.528 --> 0:07:19.288 have that kind of bit of a jealousy streak to me. 0:07:19.888 --> 0:07:23.728 But this didn't even need to worry because he was 0:07:23.808 --> 0:07:26.328 open and upfront about the whole thing. So I was 0:07:26.328 --> 0:07:28.168 actually quite calmed by it, and I thought it was 0:07:28.248 --> 0:07:31.288 quite mature. I didn't know too much about her. I'd 0:07:31.648 --> 0:07:35.008 seen photos from her. I know that they used to 0:07:35.088 --> 0:07:39.048 work together, so that was the only really bit of information. 0:07:39.128 --> 0:07:43.288 He never bagged her out, so I never really went 0:07:43.328 --> 0:07:45.768 into it. I appreciated the fact he didn't talk down 0:07:45.928 --> 0:07:48.528 about her, but the only things I knew was really 0:07:48.528 --> 0:07:49.288 basic facts. 0:07:49.648 --> 0:07:52.448 Another green flag he didn't use social media. 0:07:52.488 --> 0:07:54.928 He was a teacher and he was sick of students 0:07:54.968 --> 0:07:57.608 trying to get onto social media and whatnot, and it 0:07:57.727 --> 0:08:00.568 was just a waste of his time that he could 0:08:00.568 --> 0:08:03.128 be spending with friends or doing other things. So he 0:08:03.248 --> 0:08:06.288 used to have it and then he deactivated it. He 0:08:06.368 --> 0:08:10.167 did have an Instagram that didn't have any photos from 0:08:10.168 --> 0:08:13.208 like the last five years, and he actually did follow 0:08:13.328 --> 0:08:15.608 me on his Instagram, but there was nothing on his 0:08:15.768 --> 0:08:18.728 so you know, it was like basically a page that 0:08:18.888 --> 0:08:21.768 was defunct. But yeah, again, I was like, oh, look 0:08:21.808 --> 0:08:24.127 there's someone that doesn't, you know, need to post selfies 0:08:24.168 --> 0:08:27.127 every day or tell me everything that they're doing. Again, 0:08:27.528 --> 0:08:30.167 even with messages and things like that. I'm very busy 0:08:30.328 --> 0:08:32.648 at my job and I don't have the time to 0:08:32.688 --> 0:08:35.688 be texting all day and he was the same. So 0:08:35.808 --> 0:08:38.208 it was kind of mature in that sense that you 0:08:38.208 --> 0:08:40.968 were not sitting around holding your breath. When you could talk, 0:08:41.008 --> 0:08:43.368 you could talk, and when you couldn't, you knew someone 0:08:43.408 --> 0:08:44.128 would get back to you. 0:08:44.368 --> 0:08:47.568 The P word is strong, but Sarah really felt this 0:08:47.648 --> 0:08:50.648 guy and their first few months together, we're pretty close 0:08:50.728 --> 0:08:51.328 to perfect. 0:08:53.328 --> 0:08:56.968 So well Bliss, I was thinking, I don't understand how 0:08:57.048 --> 0:09:02.368 everything can be so easy. I really was waiting for 0:09:02.528 --> 0:09:05.688 something to happen, but it just wasn't. And every time 0:09:05.848 --> 0:09:09.727 that we were getting closer and like it just seemed 0:09:09.928 --> 0:09:12.008 like it was going to go further on. He wanted 0:09:12.048 --> 0:09:14.968 me to you know, I met his assistant principal. He 0:09:15.128 --> 0:09:17.168 said his family was coming up and they wanted to 0:09:17.168 --> 0:09:20.888 meet me, and then he dropped the love bomb. We 0:09:20.888 --> 0:09:24.008 were lying in bed one night and we were just 0:09:24.088 --> 0:09:26.608 talking and he goes, you know, I know this is early, 0:09:26.728 --> 0:09:29.568 but I've absolutely fallen head over heels in love with you. 0:09:29.768 --> 0:09:33.248 And although I promised myself I wouldn't say that for 0:09:33.288 --> 0:09:36.528 a very long time, I reciprocated. I felt good. It 0:09:36.688 --> 0:09:38.248 was one of those things where I was like, Oh, 0:09:38.408 --> 0:09:41.288 what's going to go wrong? But then I reminded myself 0:09:41.328 --> 0:09:43.328 that you don't have to think of the worst things 0:09:43.368 --> 0:09:45.288 every time, and you can just go with it. And 0:09:45.328 --> 0:09:47.248 I remember talking to friends with it and they're like, oh, 0:09:47.288 --> 0:09:50.448 this is awesome. You deserve this. Most of my friends 0:09:50.488 --> 0:09:52.648 at the time were all in quite healthy long term 0:09:52.688 --> 0:09:57.368 relationships as well, so although he didn't hang out with 0:09:57.408 --> 0:09:59.448 them all the time because he did play sport on 0:09:59.488 --> 0:10:01.648 the weekend, so a lot of the time when we 0:10:01.648 --> 0:10:03.848 were doing social things, he would only just pop in 0:10:03.888 --> 0:10:06.088 at the end because he was at the clubrooms and 0:10:06.128 --> 0:10:09.048 things like that, which to me was fine because I 0:10:09.168 --> 0:10:11.768 like my girls, so it doesn't need to fit, you know, 0:10:11.808 --> 0:10:14.368 a couple things in my life, so that didn't worry 0:10:14.368 --> 0:10:17.008 me whatsoever. We were and played tennis and stuff with 0:10:17.048 --> 0:10:19.808 his friends. I went to the races with his colleagues 0:10:19.848 --> 0:10:23.768 and whatnot. So yeah, we definitely integrated into the friends 0:10:23.808 --> 0:10:27.048 as quickly as possible. Would go do things like go 0:10:27.088 --> 0:10:29.968 to the markets on the weekend and go into the beach. 0:10:30.008 --> 0:10:32.968 And he loved my dogs, and that was something that 0:10:33.048 --> 0:10:34.768 was really important to me, you know, being able to 0:10:34.808 --> 0:10:37.128 take them to the park and kind of just do 0:10:37.248 --> 0:10:41.208 things that were adult. I guess I felt happy, and 0:10:41.408 --> 0:10:45.408 I also felt secure. I just felt like it was easy. 0:10:45.608 --> 0:10:49.487 I didn't have to try or put anything on. It 0:10:49.528 --> 0:10:51.328 was just, you know, you could be yourself. You could 0:10:51.328 --> 0:10:54.368 be in your tracks with no makeup on, and everything 0:10:54.448 --> 0:10:56.968 was good. So it was just nice to feel comfortable 0:10:57.328 --> 0:11:00.128 without having to kind of go through that bit of 0:11:00.128 --> 0:11:02.688 the dating stage where you're just really trying to impress everyone. 0:11:03.088 --> 0:11:06.568 We'd be spending i'd say four or five nights together 0:11:06.688 --> 0:11:10.368 a week at the beginning, and yeah, look was kind 0:11:10.368 --> 0:11:13.688 of between. I liked him to come to my house 0:11:13.728 --> 0:11:16.128 mainly because I had the puppies there, but there would 0:11:16.128 --> 0:11:17.768 be some nights that I would go out there when 0:11:17.808 --> 0:11:19.808 he wanted to cook, so it would be a rain 0:11:20.008 --> 0:11:22.408 like around four nights a week, which to me, I 0:11:22.448 --> 0:11:24.928 needed some time to do other things as well. And 0:11:25.528 --> 0:11:27.088 he used to hop up and go for a run 0:11:27.128 --> 0:11:29.128 every morning at five, so if I didn't want to 0:11:29.368 --> 0:11:31.208 wake up at five, he could stay at home. 0:11:32.328 --> 0:11:35.248 The relationship went on like this for around seven months, 0:11:35.328 --> 0:11:38.048 Sarah and Jeff integrating into each other's lives more and 0:11:38.088 --> 0:11:41.128 more and growing happier by the day. The first time 0:11:41.168 --> 0:11:42.528 they were going to spend more than a couple of 0:11:42.648 --> 0:11:45.448 nights apart was when the summer holidays rolled around and 0:11:45.528 --> 0:11:47.848 Jeff was doing a big drive down south to where 0:11:47.848 --> 0:11:50.648 he used to live with his family and his ex girlfriend. 0:11:50.968 --> 0:11:52.328 He was going to be gone for a couple of 0:11:52.328 --> 0:11:54.968 weeks because the drive takes quite some time, and then 0:11:55.328 --> 0:11:57.368 he needed to catch up with everyone, and then he 0:11:57.448 --> 0:11:59.888 was going to come back up, so that was fine. 0:11:59.968 --> 0:12:02.288 He even said to me, did you want to come? 0:12:02.328 --> 0:12:05.528 But I had work commitments, which I know he knew 0:12:05.528 --> 0:12:08.088 that I had, and so you know, it was a 0:12:08.248 --> 0:12:10.448 no go and do thing, and I was when you're back, 0:12:11.048 --> 0:12:13.768 So that two weeks was normal. We spoke on the 0:12:13.768 --> 0:12:16.968 phone every day. Again, we didn't text all that much, 0:12:17.008 --> 0:12:19.608 but we never did, so that was just normal. I 0:12:19.608 --> 0:12:21.648 would have a good morning message from him and a 0:12:21.688 --> 0:12:24.248 call at night, just in between his plans. He was 0:12:24.288 --> 0:12:26.328 the one that was down doing family stuff, so I 0:12:26.888 --> 0:12:29.568 left that be. I did know the day that he 0:12:29.648 --> 0:12:31.768 was going to see his ex, and he did tell 0:12:31.808 --> 0:12:33.688 me that, and I didn't hear from him much that day, 0:12:33.728 --> 0:12:36.968 but I kind of resonated on the fact that, you know, 0:12:37.088 --> 0:12:39.168 might have been a bit of an emotive day, and 0:12:39.488 --> 0:12:41.607 I'd hear from him when he could. I did hear 0:12:41.608 --> 0:12:43.328 from him that night, and if thick near text and 0:12:43.368 --> 0:12:46.048 said I'll talk to you tomorrow. Then he was due 0:12:46.088 --> 0:12:49.528 to come back home, so he had a few days 0:12:49.528 --> 0:12:53.808 of travel, and when he was getting close, it was 0:12:53.848 --> 0:12:57.448 falling on a weekend, which was great because I was like, Okay, well, 0:12:57.448 --> 0:13:00.208 I'll get to see you that night. Then I got 0:13:00.248 --> 0:13:05.448 closer to getting there and he said that he had 0:13:05.528 --> 0:13:07.368 someone on the side of the road that had just 0:13:07.488 --> 0:13:12.248 had a car accident and that they flipped over their 0:13:12.248 --> 0:13:14.608 car and he was going to have to put them 0:13:14.888 --> 0:13:17.408 in his car and get them back. I was like 0:13:18.048 --> 0:13:20.848 worried for him, and obviously worry for whoever this was, 0:13:20.888 --> 0:13:22.568 but it was like, yeah, do what you need to do. 0:13:22.928 --> 0:13:25.448 He told me, go and catch up with your friends 0:13:25.728 --> 0:13:28.488 and i'll let you know how I'm traveling later. But 0:13:28.728 --> 0:13:31.368 it's been a big day and I might just. 0:13:31.328 --> 0:13:31.848 Go to bed. 0:13:32.688 --> 0:13:36.848 I was really disappointed because it was like, well, we 0:13:36.888 --> 0:13:37.928 don't need to do anything. 0:13:37.928 --> 0:13:38.968 I'll just come over. 0:13:39.448 --> 0:13:41.488 He'd normally be keen to see me, so it was 0:13:41.648 --> 0:13:44.328 unusual and it felt like a bit of a sting. 0:13:44.928 --> 0:13:47.248 But I spoke to friends about it at the time, 0:13:47.328 --> 0:13:50.328 and whilst pouring me margaritas, said, don't worry about it, 0:13:50.368 --> 0:13:52.968 he's just tired. You wouldn't even have a good time anyway. 0:13:53.168 --> 0:13:57.368 Just seemed tomorrow, and so that's what happened. I went 0:13:57.408 --> 0:13:59.408 and spent the night with the girls. He told me 0:13:59.448 --> 0:14:02.048 when he got home, and then he said he would 0:14:02.128 --> 0:14:05.408 come over in the morning and bring me breakfast. The 0:14:05.448 --> 0:14:08.768 next morning, he came over to my house with breakfast 0:14:08.808 --> 0:14:11.528 from the markets and we sat and had a chat. 0:14:11.808 --> 0:14:17.088 He was a bit stand offish, it wasn't his usual self, 0:14:17.608 --> 0:14:20.928 but didn't really have too much to say. He said 0:14:20.968 --> 0:14:24.248 his troop was fine. I didn't pry about him seeing 0:14:24.248 --> 0:14:27.128 his ex girlfriend. I thought he can do that in time, 0:14:27.808 --> 0:14:31.048 and we had breakfast, took the dogs for a walk, 0:14:31.088 --> 0:14:33.048 and then he said that he needed to go and 0:14:33.088 --> 0:14:35.768 get some school work done because school went back the 0:14:35.808 --> 0:14:38.568 next day and he needed to make sure everything was 0:14:38.648 --> 0:14:41.368 done from terms of lesson plans and school clothes and 0:14:41.408 --> 0:14:44.288 things like that. So he went back Horome and I 0:14:44.328 --> 0:14:46.888 said that we would catch up the next night. So 0:14:47.168 --> 0:14:50.688 Monday night comes around after school and he come over. 0:14:51.288 --> 0:14:54.008 I was cooking up dinner in the kitchen and again 0:14:54.168 --> 0:14:57.168 he was just sitting on the couch and he was 0:14:57.248 --> 0:15:00.208 just really somber, and I turned around and said to him, 0:15:00.248 --> 0:15:02.568 what's wrong. He was like, oh, I do need to 0:15:02.608 --> 0:15:08.648 talk to you about something. My heart kind of stopped 0:15:08.648 --> 0:15:10.408 for a second, and I went into a bit of 0:15:10.448 --> 0:15:13.168 a what's going on? Because I could feel it the 0:15:13.248 --> 0:15:16.728 day before, but he left the situation before it was 0:15:16.768 --> 0:15:19.368 pressed any further. So, and even when he come in, 0:15:19.408 --> 0:15:21.448 I could just feel the energy switch like it was 0:15:21.768 --> 0:15:24.968 gone from electric to quite stand offish, so it didn't 0:15:25.008 --> 0:15:26.648 take a mind rate, and I said, well, I knew 0:15:26.648 --> 0:15:29.848 what something's going on, Like, tell me what's going on? Anyway, 0:15:29.928 --> 0:15:32.688 he sat there for about five minutes of literally not 0:15:32.848 --> 0:15:37.408 saying a word, and I was like, just come out 0:15:37.408 --> 0:15:39.928 with it, and then he kind of started welling up 0:15:39.968 --> 0:15:46.408 with tears and then said, I went to see my 0:15:46.528 --> 0:15:51.688 ex girlfriend and when I went into the property, she 0:15:52.288 --> 0:15:54.928 was there and she had a baby, and she said 0:15:54.928 --> 0:16:02.848 it was mine. I don't know what I said, actually, 0:16:02.928 --> 0:16:04.568 I kind of lost a little bit of a train 0:16:04.608 --> 0:16:07.168 of thought in that moment and just said, you know, 0:16:07.208 --> 0:16:10.168 what do you mean? And he goes, it's not it's 0:16:10.208 --> 0:16:14.448 not mine, but she's saying it is, and now I'm 0:16:14.448 --> 0:16:15.048 going to have to. 0:16:15.008 --> 0:16:15.488 Deal with it. 0:16:16.328 --> 0:16:18.088 He said that she was going to be coming up 0:16:18.448 --> 0:16:22.248 and she needed assistance with the baby, and she was 0:16:22.288 --> 0:16:25.088 going to be coming up just to till they sorted 0:16:25.088 --> 0:16:27.728 things out. And he also said that she was going 0:16:27.768 --> 0:16:31.688 to be staying in the property in the second room there, 0:16:31.808 --> 0:16:35.168 so just until they kind of knew how things were 0:16:35.168 --> 0:16:43.248 going to unfold. I was scattered, and I was also protective, 0:16:43.328 --> 0:16:45.728 so I was angry for him because he was in 0:16:45.808 --> 0:16:49.328 tears and he's saying it's not his to me. I 0:16:49.368 --> 0:16:52.528 couldn't work it out how it could be his, because 0:16:52.528 --> 0:16:54.608 I'd been seeing him for a certain amount of time 0:16:54.648 --> 0:16:58.088 and the numbers didn't number, so I was just trying 0:16:58.088 --> 0:17:01.088 to figure it out. And he told me that the 0:17:01.168 --> 0:17:05.048 baby looked like it was like three months, and so 0:17:05.328 --> 0:17:08.088 it just wasn't really making too much sense to me. 0:17:08.167 --> 0:17:10.247 But at the time, I just like, Okay, well we 0:17:10.328 --> 0:17:13.328 need to tackle this, and with my friends kind of 0:17:13.368 --> 0:17:15.488 known as the person that you go to to solve 0:17:15.488 --> 0:17:18.568 a problem and get things done. And so then I 0:17:18.688 --> 0:17:23.088 kind of turned from being shocked and sad about how 0:17:23.128 --> 0:17:26.088 it made me feel, too, let's fix this for you. 0:17:26.768 --> 0:17:27.768 My appetite went. 0:17:27.848 --> 0:17:29.568 I'm pretty sure I checked that dinner in the bin 0:17:29.968 --> 0:17:32.888 and told him to go home and get some rest. 0:17:32.888 --> 0:17:34.608 And I just needed a bit of time to think 0:17:34.648 --> 0:17:36.048 and plan, and so did he. 0:17:36.608 --> 0:17:39.728 In one conversation, Sarah's world had flipped on its head. 0:17:40.008 --> 0:17:42.568 She had no idea what to think or what to do, 0:17:43.088 --> 0:17:45.168 but she realized if it felt this big for her, 0:17:45.688 --> 0:17:47.048 imagine what it was doing to Jet. 0:17:47.648 --> 0:17:52.207 Looking at him, he felt scared and overwhelmed. And also 0:17:52.728 --> 0:17:55.207 he was this good guy, right, so of course he 0:17:55.288 --> 0:17:56.848 was going to let someone in with a baby that 0:17:56.888 --> 0:17:59.248 he spent ten years with being his kid or not, 0:17:59.728 --> 0:18:01.648 he was going to do the right thing until he knew. 0:18:02.208 --> 0:18:07.728 And so I thought, it's actually probably best. It's all there. 0:18:07.928 --> 0:18:10.528 I didn't want him going back down homeither like I 0:18:10.568 --> 0:18:13.888 would rather him deal with it here where we could 0:18:14.008 --> 0:18:16.328 kind of try to work through it together. But also 0:18:16.608 --> 0:18:19.927 I felt like I've become like an instant stepmom to 0:18:19.968 --> 0:18:22.488 a child that I didn't know, didn't know existed, and 0:18:23.248 --> 0:18:25.728 you know, not necessarily kind of wanted to be a 0:18:25.768 --> 0:18:27.888 part of. But it's not what I signed up for. 0:18:28.008 --> 0:18:30.248 But obviously by this time I loved the man, so 0:18:30.728 --> 0:18:32.768 I was also going to be a team player. The 0:18:32.848 --> 0:18:36.288 next day I kind of debunked it with a colleague 0:18:36.728 --> 0:18:41.328 of mine. Shinelly fell to the floor and goes, Okay, well, 0:18:41.528 --> 0:18:44.968 there is situations where people will stitch people up like this, 0:18:45.088 --> 0:18:47.568 and we need to get him into someone for a lawyer. 0:18:47.648 --> 0:18:51.608 He wants a paternity test. Let's get that underway. Thankfully, 0:18:51.648 --> 0:18:55.848 she's a local and had connections to push him up 0:18:55.928 --> 0:18:58.528 the list in terms of getting into appointments and things 0:18:58.608 --> 0:19:01.407 like that, and by the end of that week we 0:19:01.528 --> 0:19:06.568 had an appointment with a lawyer, and so he was 0:19:06.608 --> 0:19:08.288 going to go to the appointment. I wanted him to 0:19:08.328 --> 0:19:11.448 do that by himself because it was something for him, 0:19:11.448 --> 0:19:14.048 but I did lend him the money to do that 0:19:14.248 --> 0:19:18.528 and get the paternity test because he was paying for 0:19:18.688 --> 0:19:24.447 things like strollers and diapers. She arrived on that Wednesday 0:19:24.808 --> 0:19:28.048 on a flight hold up. She what so he told 0:19:28.088 --> 0:19:29.608 me that she was going to be coming back up 0:19:29.608 --> 0:19:33.407 to where we lived, and that not only was she 0:19:33.488 --> 0:19:35.488 going to be coming up with the baby, but she 0:19:35.608 --> 0:19:37.368 was going to be coming in a couple of days. 0:19:37.528 --> 0:19:39.208 So everything was about to change. 0:19:39.368 --> 0:19:42.968 Things had escalated fast from her boyfriend going to spend 0:19:42.968 --> 0:19:45.328 a couple of weeks with his family and just dropping 0:19:45.368 --> 0:19:47.728 a box of belongings off to his ex girlfriend. All 0:19:47.728 --> 0:19:50.848 of a sudden, the ex girlfriend was there in Sarah's town, 0:19:51.048 --> 0:19:54.848 living at her boyfriend's house with a baby. But Jeff 0:19:54.928 --> 0:19:57.688 knew the baby wasn't his, and he reassured Sarah he 0:19:57.728 --> 0:20:01.008