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Speaker 1: You're listening to Amma Mer podcast. Muma Mer acknowledges the

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Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is recorded on.

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Speaker 1: The relationship Guy, an elusive rare breed in this day

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Speaker 1: and age. The guy who loves being someone's person, who

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Speaker 1: wants and enjoys the simplicity and comfort of being with

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Speaker 1: a partner, no questioning if he likes you, no wondering

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Speaker 1: how long you should wait to text, no drama.

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Speaker 3: Do things like go to the markets on the weekend

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Speaker 3: and go into the beach. And I had a couple

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Speaker 3: of dogs, being able to take them to the park

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Speaker 3: and kind of just do things.

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Speaker 2: That were adult.

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Speaker 3: I felt happy, and I also felt secure. I just

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Speaker 3: felt like it was easy.

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Speaker 1: And once you're at this level of comfort, it's all

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Speaker 1: smooth sailing. Here's the relationship guy, after all, commitment and

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Speaker 1: stability is his whole thing.

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Speaker 3: I got this scream saying Sarah, and I ran down

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Speaker 3: to her office and the look that she had on

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Speaker 3: her face was just this look of someone who just

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Speaker 3: felt super sorry for me, And I was like, what

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Speaker 3: is it? And she just said, I'm so sorry, I'm Georgia.

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Speaker 1: Love and this is everyone has an eggs come with

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Speaker 1: me as we dive into a collection of unconventional stories

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Speaker 1: about relationships past through the eyes and the hearts of

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Speaker 1: the very people who lived them. Meet Sarah at thirty two.

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Speaker 1: She was living a great life. She had a few relationships,

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Speaker 1: a couple of job changes, had moved to a new city,

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Speaker 1: and was really finding her feet.

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Speaker 3: I was actually a bit of a transformative period of

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Speaker 3: my life.

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Speaker 2: I was early thirties.

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Speaker 3: I had just been kicking some career goals, buying into

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Speaker 3: the business that I worked for, just bought my first property,

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Speaker 3: had my dogs, great group of friends, and one thing

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Speaker 3: that was missing was having someone.

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Speaker 2: To share it with.

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Speaker 3: I was a bit past the partying days and the

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Speaker 3: days of meeting the boy at the pub, and I

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Speaker 3: did turn to online dating.

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Speaker 1: And that's where she met Jeff.

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Speaker 3: He was probably not someone I necessarily would have swiped

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Speaker 3: on five years earlier, but he didn't have the typical

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Speaker 3: fish photos and things on his profile. He was a

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Speaker 3: teacher and he played sport, and you know, he kind

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Speaker 3: of seemed to do things that I liked to do

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Speaker 3: in his profile. So it did catch my attention for

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Speaker 3: different reasons of just the kind of physical appearance. And

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Speaker 3: that's what I was looking for was something a bit

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Speaker 3: more long term rather than just you know, someone that

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Speaker 3: you go on a couple of dates with and he

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Speaker 3: looks like hot candy. Yeah, And the conversation was just

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Speaker 3: quite free flowing. On my bio at the time. It

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Speaker 3: was someone who likes to eat my food, play with

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Speaker 3: my dogs, and make me laugh. And he said I

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Speaker 3: can tickle those three boxes. First face to face was

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Speaker 3: probably a week afterwards, so I think we started to

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Speaker 3: talking on the Sunday, and then the following Sunday he

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Speaker 3: asked if I would like to go on a date.

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Speaker 3: Just said we're something casual and he would pick me up.

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Speaker 3: He picked me up and we went down to watch

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Speaker 3: the sunset. He made a picnic cheese board and got

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Speaker 3: a bottle of wine and we sat there and watched

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Speaker 3: the sunset and talked and got to know each other.

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Speaker 3: Then he dropped me home, gave me a kiss good night,

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Speaker 3: and I kind of put it up there as one

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Speaker 3: of those perfect first dates, you know, knocking on the

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Speaker 3: door and then coming and opening car door, taking it

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Speaker 3: down there, me not having to worry about anything. Also,

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Speaker 3: I guess in terms of when we were talking there

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Speaker 3: was actually free following conversation. It wasn't trying to you know,

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Speaker 3: you don't know someone, but he took points of what

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Speaker 3: we had talked about the week before and kind of

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Speaker 3: made it into conversations so that we we had comedy

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Speaker 3: interest and it wasn't just that awkward first date. So

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Speaker 3: for me, I thought that, you know, that's it was

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Speaker 3: a bit more, you know, a bit more substance to it.

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Speaker 1: Substance was exactly what Sarah at this stage of her life,

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Speaker 1: especially having just come out of a pretty recent big heartbreak.

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Speaker 3: I did have a partner up here for a couple

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Speaker 3: of years, and you know, we lived together and I

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Speaker 3: thought that we would be going on to get married

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Speaker 3: and have kids. And we broke up quite suddenly, and

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Speaker 3: he said he'd fallen out of love, and you can't

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Speaker 3: change fit someone's mind on that, unfortunately. So after that

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Speaker 3: all happened, that's when some other things I really put

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Speaker 3: my mind to with in terms of work and buying

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Speaker 3: my first property and whatnot. So I you know, going, okay,

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Speaker 3: well I'm going to get those things done. And it

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Speaker 3: was probably you know, a year or so after that. Definitely,

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Speaker 3: you know, had a bit of dating in between, but

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Speaker 3: nothing of any substance. So I kind of got myself

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Speaker 3: to the point where I was feeling really good, and

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Speaker 3: then I could attract something good as well, just at

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Speaker 3: that stage of your life where you're a bit over

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Speaker 3: mucking around and you know, you don't know if you're

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Speaker 3: deciding to have kids or not deciding to have kids,

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Speaker 3: but those things you're looking for probably more of a

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Speaker 3: future partner than than just of mate for a.

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Speaker 1: While, and the the very first day, Jeff seemed like

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Speaker 1: just that kind of guy.

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Speaker 3: As soon as he dropped me home, we were talking

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Speaker 3: more again. He asked if he could cook me dinner

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Speaker 3: on the Tuesday at his house. He owned a property

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Speaker 3: about ten minutes from my house. His was a bit

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Speaker 3: of a different situation. He did have housemtes, but it

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Speaker 3: was an elevated house, so he had the downstairs and

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Speaker 3: he had housemates upstairs, so we still had privacy. So yeah,

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Speaker 3: I went out to his again. He listened to what

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Speaker 3: we talked about, and he cooked me a steak and

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Speaker 3: we had a steak and a bottle of wine. I

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Speaker 3: ended up staying there that night, and you know, we

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Speaker 3: just got along and talked and it was just like

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Speaker 3: we almost to a degree fell into a relationship before

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Speaker 3: it even started. So the next I guess month after that,

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Speaker 3: it was we were doing things with friends, and we

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Speaker 3: essentially were a couple basically straight away, so spending three

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Speaker 3: or four nights a week together. But also I think

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Speaker 3: it could have been six or seven, but I was

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Speaker 3: trying to maintain independence and you know, not getting into

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Speaker 3: something too quickly. But it was quite easy to kind

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Speaker 3: of fall into that bubble.

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Speaker 1: It made sense from Jeff's side too. He was very

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Speaker 1: much the relationship guy.

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Speaker 3: He had a partner from high school, ten year relationship

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Speaker 3: and they had only separated about a year before. She

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Speaker 3: obviously lived there with him, and so there was a

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Speaker 3: couple of photos of them still up in the wall,

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Speaker 3: and I did ask him and I went, I actually

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Speaker 3: had a look at it, and he goes, yeah, we're

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Speaker 3: still friendly, and he's like, I do need to take

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Speaker 3: them down. The second bedroom had some boxes and stuff

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Speaker 3: in it, and he said that he was planning on

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Speaker 3: the main school holidays to take that stuff back down

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Speaker 3: south to her, And I thought, you know, what a

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Speaker 3: green flag that he can actually still have a positive

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Speaker 3: relationship with his ex in the fact that you know,

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Speaker 3: he's willing to take her stuff to her and they

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Speaker 3: don't have this. I hate my ex partner situation, so

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Speaker 3: I thought it was showing maturity, because ten years of

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Speaker 3: your life with someone is a long time to turn

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Speaker 3: around and hate them. So in the past I have

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Speaker 3: had some people cheat on me before, and normally I

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Speaker 3: have that kind of bit of a jealousy streak to me.

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Speaker 3: But this didn't even need to worry because he was

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Speaker 3: open and upfront about the whole thing. So I was

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Speaker 3: actually quite calmed by it, and I thought it was

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Speaker 3: quite mature. I didn't know too much about her. I'd

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Speaker 3: seen photos from her. I know that they used to

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Speaker 3: work together, so that was the only really bit of information.

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Speaker 3: He never bagged her out, so I never really went

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Speaker 3: into it. I appreciated the fact he didn't talk down

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Speaker 3: about her, but the only things I knew was really

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Speaker 3: basic facts.

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Speaker 1: Another green flag he didn't use social media.

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Speaker 3: He was a teacher and he was sick of students

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Speaker 3: trying to get onto social media and whatnot, and it

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Speaker 3: was just a waste of his time that he could

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Speaker 3: be spending with friends or doing other things. So he

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Speaker 3: used to have it and then he deactivated it. He

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Speaker 3: did have an Instagram that didn't have any photos from

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Speaker 3: like the last five years, and he actually did follow

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Speaker 3: me on his Instagram, but there was nothing on his

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Speaker 3: so you know, it was like basically a page that

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Speaker 3: was defunct. But yeah, again, I was like, oh, look

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Speaker 3: there's someone that doesn't, you know, need to post selfies

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Speaker 3: every day or tell me everything that they're doing. Again,

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Speaker 3: even with messages and things like that. I'm very busy

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Speaker 3: at my job and I don't have the time to

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Speaker 3: be texting all day and he was the same. So

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Speaker 3: it was kind of mature in that sense that you

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Speaker 3: were not sitting around holding your breath. When you could talk,

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Speaker 3: you could talk, and when you couldn't, you knew someone

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Speaker 3: would get back to you.

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Speaker 1: The P word is strong, but Sarah really felt this

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Speaker 1: guy and their first few months together, we're pretty close

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Speaker 1: to perfect.

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Speaker 3: So well Bliss, I was thinking, I don't understand how

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Speaker 3: everything can be so easy. I really was waiting for

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Speaker 3: something to happen, but it just wasn't. And every time

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Speaker 3: that we were getting closer and like it just seemed

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Speaker 3: like it was going to go further on. He wanted

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Speaker 3: me to you know, I met his assistant principal. He

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Speaker 3: said his family was coming up and they wanted to

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Speaker 3: meet me, and then he dropped the love bomb. We

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Speaker 3: were lying in bed one night and we were just

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Speaker 3: talking and he goes, you know, I know this is early,

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Speaker 3: but I've absolutely fallen head over heels in love with you.

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Speaker 3: And although I promised myself I wouldn't say that for

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Speaker 3: a very long time, I reciprocated. I felt good. It

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Speaker 3: was one of those things where I was like, Oh,

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Speaker 3: what's going to go wrong? But then I reminded myself

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Speaker 3: that you don't have to think of the worst things

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Speaker 3: every time, and you can just go with it. And

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Speaker 3: I remember talking to friends with it and they're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: this is awesome. You deserve this. Most of my friends

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Speaker 3: at the time were all in quite healthy long term

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Speaker 3: relationships as well, so although he didn't hang out with

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Speaker 3: them all the time because he did play sport on

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Speaker 3: the weekend, so a lot of the time when we

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Speaker 3: were doing social things, he would only just pop in

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Speaker 3: at the end because he was at the clubrooms and

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Speaker 3: things like that, which to me was fine because I

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Speaker 3: like my girls, so it doesn't need to fit, you know,

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Speaker 3: a couple things in my life, so that didn't worry

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Speaker 3: me whatsoever. We were and played tennis and stuff with

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Speaker 3: his friends. I went to the races with his colleagues

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Speaker 3: and whatnot. So yeah, we definitely integrated into the friends

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Speaker 3: as quickly as possible. Would go do things like go

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Speaker 3: to the markets on the weekend and go into the beach.

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Speaker 3: And he loved my dogs, and that was something that

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Speaker 3: was really important to me, you know, being able to

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Speaker 3: take them to the park and kind of just do

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Speaker 3: things that were adult. I guess I felt happy, and

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Speaker 3: I also felt secure. I just felt like it was easy.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have to try or put anything on. It

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Speaker 3: was just, you know, you could be yourself. You could

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Speaker 3: be in your tracks with no makeup on, and everything

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Speaker 3: was good. So it was just nice to feel comfortable

221
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Speaker 3: without having to kind of go through that bit of

222
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Speaker 3: the dating stage where you're just really trying to impress everyone.

223
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Speaker 3: We'd be spending i'd say four or five nights together

224
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Speaker 3: a week at the beginning, and yeah, look was kind

225
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Speaker 3: of between. I liked him to come to my house

226
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Speaker 3: mainly because I had the puppies there, but there would

227
00:11:16,128 --> 00:11:17,768
Speaker 3: be some nights that I would go out there when

228
00:11:17,808 --> 00:11:19,808
Speaker 3: he wanted to cook, so it would be a rain

229
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Speaker 3: like around four nights a week, which to me, I

230
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Speaker 3: needed some time to do other things as well. And

231
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Speaker 3: he used to hop up and go for a run

232
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Speaker 3: every morning at five, so if I didn't want to

233
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Speaker 3: wake up at five, he could stay at home.

234
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Speaker 1: The relationship went on like this for around seven months,

235
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Speaker 1: Sarah and Jeff integrating into each other's lives more and

236
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Speaker 1: more and growing happier by the day. The first time

237
00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:42,528
Speaker 1: they were going to spend more than a couple of

238
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Speaker 1: nights apart was when the summer holidays rolled around and

239
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Speaker 1: Jeff was doing a big drive down south to where

240
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Speaker 1: he used to live with his family and his ex girlfriend.

241
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Speaker 3: He was going to be gone for a couple of

242
00:11:52,328 --> 00:11:54,968
Speaker 3: weeks because the drive takes quite some time, and then

243
00:11:55,328 --> 00:11:57,368
Speaker 3: he needed to catch up with everyone, and then he

244
00:11:57,448 --> 00:11:59,888
Speaker 3: was going to come back up, so that was fine.

245
00:11:59,968 --> 00:12:02,288
Speaker 3: He even said to me, did you want to come?

246
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Speaker 3: But I had work commitments, which I know he knew

247
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Speaker 3: that I had, and so you know, it was a

248
00:12:08,248 --> 00:12:10,448
Speaker 3: no go and do thing, and I was when you're back,

249
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Speaker 3: So that two weeks was normal. We spoke on the

250
00:12:13,768 --> 00:12:16,968
Speaker 3: phone every day. Again, we didn't text all that much,

251
00:12:17,008 --> 00:12:19,608
Speaker 3: but we never did, so that was just normal. I

252
00:12:19,608 --> 00:12:21,648
Speaker 3: would have a good morning message from him and a

253
00:12:21,688 --> 00:12:24,248
Speaker 3: call at night, just in between his plans. He was

254
00:12:24,288 --> 00:12:26,328
Speaker 3: the one that was down doing family stuff, so I

255
00:12:26,888 --> 00:12:29,568
Speaker 3: left that be. I did know the day that he

256
00:12:29,648 --> 00:12:31,768
Speaker 3: was going to see his ex, and he did tell

257
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Speaker 3: me that, and I didn't hear from him much that day,

258
00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:36,968
Speaker 3: but I kind of resonated on the fact that, you know,

259
00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:39,168
Speaker 3: might have been a bit of an emotive day, and

260
00:12:39,488 --> 00:12:41,607
Speaker 3: I'd hear from him when he could. I did hear

261
00:12:41,608 --> 00:12:43,328
Speaker 3: from him that night, and if thick near text and

262
00:12:43,368 --> 00:12:46,048
Speaker 3: said I'll talk to you tomorrow. Then he was due

263
00:12:46,088 --> 00:12:49,528
Speaker 3: to come back home, so he had a few days

264
00:12:49,528 --> 00:12:53,808
Speaker 3: of travel, and when he was getting close, it was

265
00:12:53,848 --> 00:12:57,448
Speaker 3: falling on a weekend, which was great because I was like, Okay, well,

266
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Speaker 3: I'll get to see you that night. Then I got

267
00:13:00,248 --> 00:13:05,448
Speaker 3: closer to getting there and he said that he had

268
00:13:05,528 --> 00:13:07,368
Speaker 3: someone on the side of the road that had just

269
00:13:07,488 --> 00:13:12,248
Speaker 3: had a car accident and that they flipped over their

270
00:13:12,248 --> 00:13:14,608
Speaker 3: car and he was going to have to put them

271
00:13:14,888 --> 00:13:17,408
Speaker 3: in his car and get them back. I was like

272
00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:20,848
Speaker 3: worried for him, and obviously worry for whoever this was,

273
00:13:20,888 --> 00:13:22,568
Speaker 3: but it was like, yeah, do what you need to do.

274
00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,448
Speaker 3: He told me, go and catch up with your friends

275
00:13:25,728 --> 00:13:28,488
Speaker 3: and i'll let you know how I'm traveling later. But

276
00:13:28,728 --> 00:13:31,368
Speaker 3: it's been a big day and I might just.

277
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Speaker 2: Go to bed.

278
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Speaker 3: I was really disappointed because it was like, well, we

279
00:13:36,888 --> 00:13:37,928
Speaker 3: don't need to do anything.

280
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Speaker 2: I'll just come over.

281
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Speaker 3: He'd normally be keen to see me, so it was

282
00:13:41,648 --> 00:13:44,328
Speaker 3: unusual and it felt like a bit of a sting.

283
00:13:44,928 --> 00:13:47,248
Speaker 3: But I spoke to friends about it at the time,

284
00:13:47,328 --> 00:13:50,328
Speaker 3: and whilst pouring me margaritas, said, don't worry about it,

285
00:13:50,368 --> 00:13:52,968
Speaker 3: he's just tired. You wouldn't even have a good time anyway.

286
00:13:53,168 --> 00:13:57,368
Speaker 3: Just seemed tomorrow, and so that's what happened. I went

287
00:13:57,408 --> 00:13:59,408
Speaker 3: and spent the night with the girls. He told me

288
00:13:59,448 --> 00:14:02,048
Speaker 3: when he got home, and then he said he would

289
00:14:02,128 --> 00:14:05,408
Speaker 3: come over in the morning and bring me breakfast. The

290
00:14:05,448 --> 00:14:08,768
Speaker 3: next morning, he came over to my house with breakfast

291
00:14:08,808 --> 00:14:11,528
Speaker 3: from the markets and we sat and had a chat.

292
00:14:11,808 --> 00:14:17,088
Speaker 3: He was a bit stand offish, it wasn't his usual self,

293
00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:20,928
Speaker 3: but didn't really have too much to say. He said

294
00:14:20,968 --> 00:14:24,248
Speaker 3: his troop was fine. I didn't pry about him seeing

295
00:14:24,248 --> 00:14:27,128
Speaker 3: his ex girlfriend. I thought he can do that in time,

296
00:14:27,808 --> 00:14:31,048
Speaker 3: and we had breakfast, took the dogs for a walk,

297
00:14:31,088 --> 00:14:33,048
Speaker 3: and then he said that he needed to go and

298
00:14:33,088 --> 00:14:35,768
Speaker 3: get some school work done because school went back the

299
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:38,568
Speaker 3: next day and he needed to make sure everything was

300
00:14:38,648 --> 00:14:41,368
Speaker 3: done from terms of lesson plans and school clothes and

301
00:14:41,408 --> 00:14:44,288
Speaker 3: things like that. So he went back Horome and I

302
00:14:44,328 --> 00:14:46,888
Speaker 3: said that we would catch up the next night. So

303
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:50,688
Speaker 3: Monday night comes around after school and he come over.

304
00:14:51,288 --> 00:14:54,008
Speaker 3: I was cooking up dinner in the kitchen and again

305
00:14:54,168 --> 00:14:57,168
Speaker 3: he was just sitting on the couch and he was

306
00:14:57,248 --> 00:15:00,208
Speaker 3: just really somber, and I turned around and said to him,

307
00:15:00,248 --> 00:15:02,568
Speaker 3: what's wrong. He was like, oh, I do need to

308
00:15:02,608 --> 00:15:08,648
Speaker 3: talk to you about something. My heart kind of stopped

309
00:15:08,648 --> 00:15:10,408
Speaker 3: for a second, and I went into a bit of

310
00:15:10,448 --> 00:15:13,168
Speaker 3: a what's going on? Because I could feel it the

311
00:15:13,248 --> 00:15:16,728
Speaker 3: day before, but he left the situation before it was

312
00:15:16,768 --> 00:15:19,368
Speaker 3: pressed any further. So, and even when he come in,

313
00:15:19,408 --> 00:15:21,448
Speaker 3: I could just feel the energy switch like it was

314
00:15:21,768 --> 00:15:24,968
Speaker 3: gone from electric to quite stand offish, so it didn't

315
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,648
Speaker 3: take a mind rate, and I said, well, I knew

316
00:15:26,648 --> 00:15:29,848
Speaker 3: what something's going on, Like, tell me what's going on? Anyway,

317
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:32,688
Speaker 3: he sat there for about five minutes of literally not

318
00:15:32,848 --> 00:15:37,408
Speaker 3: saying a word, and I was like, just come out

319
00:15:37,408 --> 00:15:39,928
Speaker 3: with it, and then he kind of started welling up

320
00:15:39,968 --> 00:15:46,408
Speaker 3: with tears and then said, I went to see my

321
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:51,688
Speaker 3: ex girlfriend and when I went into the property, she

322
00:15:52,288 --> 00:15:54,928
Speaker 3: was there and she had a baby, and she said

323
00:15:54,928 --> 00:16:02,848
Speaker 3: it was mine. I don't know what I said, actually,

324
00:16:02,928 --> 00:16:04,568
Speaker 3: I kind of lost a little bit of a train

325
00:16:04,608 --> 00:16:07,168
Speaker 3: of thought in that moment and just said, you know,

326
00:16:07,208 --> 00:16:10,168
Speaker 3: what do you mean? And he goes, it's not it's

327
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:14,448
Speaker 3: not mine, but she's saying it is, and now I'm

328
00:16:14,448 --> 00:16:15,048
Speaker 3: going to have to.

329
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:15,488
Speaker 2: Deal with it.

330
00:16:16,328 --> 00:16:18,088
Speaker 3: He said that she was going to be coming up

331
00:16:18,448 --> 00:16:22,248
Speaker 3: and she needed assistance with the baby, and she was

332
00:16:22,288 --> 00:16:25,088
Speaker 3: going to be coming up just to till they sorted

333
00:16:25,088 --> 00:16:27,728
Speaker 3: things out. And he also said that she was going

334
00:16:27,768 --> 00:16:31,688
Speaker 3: to be staying in the property in the second room there,

335
00:16:31,808 --> 00:16:35,168
Speaker 3: so just until they kind of knew how things were

336
00:16:35,168 --> 00:16:43,248
Speaker 3: going to unfold. I was scattered, and I was also protective,

337
00:16:43,328 --> 00:16:45,728
Speaker 3: so I was angry for him because he was in

338
00:16:45,808 --> 00:16:49,328
Speaker 3: tears and he's saying it's not his to me. I

339
00:16:49,368 --> 00:16:52,528
Speaker 3: couldn't work it out how it could be his, because

340
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:54,608
Speaker 3: I'd been seeing him for a certain amount of time

341
00:16:54,648 --> 00:16:58,088
Speaker 3: and the numbers didn't number, so I was just trying

342
00:16:58,088 --> 00:17:01,088
Speaker 3: to figure it out. And he told me that the

343
00:17:01,168 --> 00:17:05,048
Speaker 3: baby looked like it was like three months, and so

344
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:08,088
Speaker 3: it just wasn't really making too much sense to me.

345
00:17:08,167 --> 00:17:10,247
Speaker 3: But at the time, I just like, Okay, well we

346
00:17:10,328 --> 00:17:13,328
Speaker 3: need to tackle this, and with my friends kind of

347
00:17:13,368 --> 00:17:15,488
Speaker 3: known as the person that you go to to solve

348
00:17:15,488 --> 00:17:18,568
Speaker 3: a problem and get things done. And so then I

349
00:17:18,688 --> 00:17:23,088
Speaker 3: kind of turned from being shocked and sad about how

350
00:17:23,128 --> 00:17:26,088
Speaker 3: it made me feel, too, let's fix this for you.

351
00:17:26,768 --> 00:17:27,768
Speaker 2: My appetite went.

352
00:17:27,848 --> 00:17:29,568
Speaker 3: I'm pretty sure I checked that dinner in the bin

353
00:17:29,968 --> 00:17:32,888
Speaker 3: and told him to go home and get some rest.

354
00:17:32,888 --> 00:17:34,608
Speaker 3: And I just needed a bit of time to think

355
00:17:34,648 --> 00:17:36,048
Speaker 3: and plan, and so did he.

356
00:17:36,608 --> 00:17:39,728
Speaker 1: In one conversation, Sarah's world had flipped on its head.

357
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:42,568
Speaker 1: She had no idea what to think or what to do,

358
00:17:43,088 --> 00:17:45,168
Speaker 1: but she realized if it felt this big for her,

359
00:17:45,688 --> 00:17:47,048
Speaker 1: imagine what it was doing to Jet.

360
00:17:47,648 --> 00:17:52,207
Speaker 3: Looking at him, he felt scared and overwhelmed. And also

361
00:17:52,728 --> 00:17:55,207
Speaker 3: he was this good guy, right, so of course he

362
00:17:55,288 --> 00:17:56,848
Speaker 3: was going to let someone in with a baby that

363
00:17:56,888 --> 00:17:59,248
Speaker 3: he spent ten years with being his kid or not,

364
00:17:59,728 --> 00:18:01,648
Speaker 3: he was going to do the right thing until he knew.

365
00:18:02,208 --> 00:18:07,728
Speaker 3: And so I thought, it's actually probably best. It's all there.

366
00:18:07,928 --> 00:18:10,528
Speaker 3: I didn't want him going back down homeither like I

367
00:18:10,568 --> 00:18:13,888
Speaker 3: would rather him deal with it here where we could

368
00:18:14,008 --> 00:18:16,328
Speaker 3: kind of try to work through it together. But also

369
00:18:16,608 --> 00:18:19,927
Speaker 3: I felt like I've become like an instant stepmom to

370
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:22,488
Speaker 3: a child that I didn't know, didn't know existed, and

371
00:18:23,248 --> 00:18:25,728
Speaker 3: you know, not necessarily kind of wanted to be a

372
00:18:25,768 --> 00:18:27,888
Speaker 3: part of. But it's not what I signed up for.

373
00:18:28,008 --> 00:18:30,248
Speaker 3: But obviously by this time I loved the man, so

374
00:18:30,728 --> 00:18:32,768
Speaker 3: I was also going to be a team player. The

375
00:18:32,848 --> 00:18:36,288
Speaker 3: next day I kind of debunked it with a colleague

376
00:18:36,728 --> 00:18:41,328
Speaker 3: of mine. Shinelly fell to the floor and goes, Okay, well,

377
00:18:41,528 --> 00:18:44,968
Speaker 3: there is situations where people will stitch people up like this,

378
00:18:45,088 --> 00:18:47,568
Speaker 3: and we need to get him into someone for a lawyer.

379
00:18:47,648 --> 00:18:51,608
Speaker 3: He wants a paternity test. Let's get that underway. Thankfully,

380
00:18:51,648 --> 00:18:55,848
Speaker 3: she's a local and had connections to push him up

381
00:18:55,928 --> 00:18:58,528
Speaker 3: the list in terms of getting into appointments and things

382
00:18:58,608 --> 00:19:01,407
Speaker 3: like that, and by the end of that week we

383
00:19:01,528 --> 00:19:06,568
Speaker 3: had an appointment with a lawyer, and so he was

384
00:19:06,608 --> 00:19:08,288
Speaker 3: going to go to the appointment. I wanted him to

385
00:19:08,328 --> 00:19:11,448
Speaker 3: do that by himself because it was something for him,

386
00:19:11,448 --> 00:19:14,048
Speaker 3: but I did lend him the money to do that

387
00:19:14,248 --> 00:19:18,528
Speaker 3: and get the paternity test because he was paying for

388
00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:24,447
Speaker 3: things like strollers and diapers. She arrived on that Wednesday

389
00:19:24,808 --> 00:19:28,048
Speaker 3: on a flight hold up. She what so he told

390
00:19:28,088 --> 00:19:29,608
Speaker 3: me that she was going to be coming back up

391
00:19:29,608 --> 00:19:33,407
Speaker 3: to where we lived, and that not only was she

392
00:19:33,488 --> 00:19:35,488
Speaker 3: going to be coming up with the baby, but she

393
00:19:35,608 --> 00:19:37,368
Speaker 3: was going to be coming in a couple of days.

394
00:19:37,528 --> 00:19:39,208
Speaker 2: So everything was about to change.

395
00:19:39,368 --> 00:19:42,968
Speaker 1: Things had escalated fast from her boyfriend going to spend

396
00:19:42,968 --> 00:19:45,328
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks with his family and just dropping

397
00:19:45,368 --> 00:19:47,728
Speaker 1: a box of belongings off to his ex girlfriend. All

398
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:50,848
Speaker 1: of a sudden, the ex girlfriend was there in Sarah's town,

399
00:19:51,048 --> 00:19:54,848
Speaker 1: living at her boyfriend's house with a baby. But Jeff

400
00:19:54,928 --> 00:19:57,688
Speaker 1: knew the baby wasn't his, and he reassured Sarah he

401
00:19:57,728 --> 00:20:01,008
Speaker 1: would get it all sorted out, starting with the paternity test.

402
00:20:01,168 --> 00:20:02,128
Speaker 2: He had the appointment.

403
00:20:02,248 --> 00:20:04,608
Speaker 3: He come back from the appointment and come over to

404
00:20:04,648 --> 00:20:07,808
Speaker 3: my house that night and said that it all went

405
00:20:07,848 --> 00:20:11,407
Speaker 3: really well. He had a a letter drafted for the

406
00:20:11,608 --> 00:20:15,927
Speaker 3: ex girlfriend asking for the paternity test and he was

407
00:20:15,968 --> 00:20:19,208
Speaker 3: going to give that to her at the property, So

408
00:20:19,248 --> 00:20:21,088
Speaker 3: he was going to go home that night and do that.

409
00:20:21,448 --> 00:20:23,848
Speaker 3: So I just said, yep, you need to continue hanging

410
00:20:23,928 --> 00:20:26,688
Speaker 3: out there as much as possible. At the moment whilst

411
00:20:26,848 --> 00:20:27,368
Speaker 3: you don't.

412
00:20:27,208 --> 00:20:27,967
Speaker 2: Know what's going on.

413
00:20:28,048 --> 00:20:30,968
Speaker 3: If this is your child, you need to be providing

414
00:20:31,248 --> 00:20:33,648
Speaker 3: as well. So you know, as far as kind of

415
00:20:33,728 --> 00:20:36,328
Speaker 3: staying over here with me, it's off the cards for

416
00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:40,128
Speaker 3: a little bit until we find out the answers. We

417
00:20:40,208 --> 00:20:43,128
Speaker 3: didn't really go into semantics, to be honest, because he

418
00:20:43,248 --> 00:20:45,848
Speaker 3: just said it's not mine. The numbers don't number. The

419
00:20:45,888 --> 00:20:48,488
Speaker 3: baby was three months old, he'd been with me for

420
00:20:48,808 --> 00:20:50,928
Speaker 3: the period of time before that, and they hadn't been

421
00:20:50,928 --> 00:20:53,968
Speaker 3: together for over a year, so it just couldn't have worked,

422
00:20:54,008 --> 00:20:55,888
Speaker 3: and so I just didn't press that. I thought, we

423
00:20:55,968 --> 00:20:58,008
Speaker 3: just need to get over this hurdle first and then

424
00:20:58,368 --> 00:21:01,288
Speaker 3: we can deal with the other things afterwards. So apparently

425
00:21:01,328 --> 00:21:04,447
Speaker 3: that night they had a huge barney with regards to

426
00:21:04,488 --> 00:21:07,808
Speaker 3: the paternity test, but she did agree to do it,

427
00:21:08,528 --> 00:21:11,408
Speaker 3: and it would have been i would say, a couple

428
00:21:11,488 --> 00:21:14,687
Speaker 3: of weeks until it come back. He was turning up

429
00:21:14,728 --> 00:21:17,608
Speaker 3: with bunches of flowers every couple of days and he

430
00:21:17,608 --> 00:21:20,288
Speaker 3: would bring over dinner, and in the time we did

431
00:21:20,288 --> 00:21:23,207
Speaker 3: spend together, it was very affectionate. I was probably the

432
00:21:23,248 --> 00:21:26,048
Speaker 3: one pulling away a little bit more, but what girl

433
00:21:26,048 --> 00:21:28,608
Speaker 3: doesn't like to get flowers and told that they loved

434
00:21:28,688 --> 00:21:31,368
Speaker 3: So I was very pragmatic about it, but at the

435
00:21:31,408 --> 00:21:35,168
Speaker 3: same time still wanted to be kind of there for him.

436
00:21:35,248 --> 00:21:38,168
Speaker 3: So I was pulling back the emotion a little bit

437
00:21:38,288 --> 00:21:41,888
Speaker 3: from him, but he was probably more overly emotional towards me.

438
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:44,368
Speaker 1: And then the test results came back.

439
00:21:44,528 --> 00:21:47,488
Speaker 3: He did give me a call. He didn't actually even

440
00:21:47,528 --> 00:21:49,128
Speaker 3: come and tell me a person. He gave me a

441
00:21:49,128 --> 00:21:54,768
Speaker 3: call to say that the baby was his and we

442
00:21:54,808 --> 00:21:58,728
Speaker 3: needed to talk. It was a mix of emotions. I

443
00:21:58,768 --> 00:22:03,288
Speaker 3: think that I was so positive that it wasn't that.

444
00:22:03,448 --> 00:22:06,448
Speaker 3: When I found out that it was, it was kind

445
00:22:06,448 --> 00:22:09,808
Speaker 3: of like, Okay, well, this is the new reality. And

446
00:22:10,488 --> 00:22:12,688
Speaker 3: there was also a part of me that goes, okay, well,

447
00:22:13,168 --> 00:22:15,808
Speaker 3: we're only seven months into this. What direction do I

448
00:22:15,848 --> 00:22:18,528
Speaker 3: want to go? Do I want to change I guess

449
00:22:18,568 --> 00:22:22,248
Speaker 3: the direction of our whole existence? Or am I going

450
00:22:22,288 --> 00:22:24,248
Speaker 3: to stick by this person that I think is a

451
00:22:24,248 --> 00:22:29,288
Speaker 3: great partner and curve off the main path and do

452
00:22:29,368 --> 00:22:31,688
Speaker 3: it a different way? So I think I was more

453
00:22:31,728 --> 00:22:34,967
Speaker 3: just confused, and it was such a crazy story. It

454
00:22:35,048 --> 00:22:37,568
Speaker 3: was not something I was really sharing openly with a

455
00:22:37,568 --> 00:22:40,168
Speaker 3: lot of people, because it was just something that it's

456
00:22:40,208 --> 00:22:42,728
Speaker 3: not general chitchat when you're having a glass of wine

457
00:22:42,848 --> 00:22:46,248
Speaker 3: that your partner has a baby that you didn't know about.

458
00:22:46,648 --> 00:22:49,368
Speaker 3: I was pushing down the fact, you know, potentially it's

459
00:22:49,448 --> 00:22:52,608
Speaker 3: cheated as well, but yeah, that was not the priority

460
00:22:52,648 --> 00:22:54,808
Speaker 3: at the time. It was kind of figuring out what

461
00:22:54,968 --> 00:22:58,128
Speaker 3: to do at the next moment. That night, I actually

462
00:22:58,168 --> 00:23:00,488
Speaker 3: said I wanted some space, and he said I needed

463
00:23:00,568 --> 00:23:03,328
Speaker 3: to have a think about what I wanted to do.

464
00:23:03,608 --> 00:23:06,768
Speaker 3: The ex girlfriend was going to stay at the property

465
00:23:06,928 --> 00:23:10,408
Speaker 3: until she sorted out another place to live or he

466
00:23:10,408 --> 00:23:13,208
Speaker 3: could find another place to live, but she was going

467
00:23:13,248 --> 00:23:16,248
Speaker 3: to stay in the town. He also wanted that. He

468
00:23:16,368 --> 00:23:19,648
Speaker 3: turned quite quickly into that kind of wanting to be

469
00:23:19,688 --> 00:23:24,848
Speaker 3: a doting father and wanted to be involved, which I

470
00:23:24,888 --> 00:23:27,128
Speaker 3: could never want to take away from him anyway. If

471
00:23:27,128 --> 00:23:28,927
Speaker 3: it's his child, of course you're going to want to

472
00:23:28,968 --> 00:23:31,528
Speaker 3: do that. So and I did appreciate that he was

473
00:23:31,528 --> 00:23:34,488
Speaker 3: helping with the I guess the family load as well,

474
00:23:34,528 --> 00:23:37,048
Speaker 3: because you know, it can be quite taxing for one

475
00:23:37,088 --> 00:23:39,208
Speaker 3: person to do that by themselves, and you know, there

476
00:23:39,248 --> 00:23:42,768
Speaker 3: are situations where people can co parent brilliantly, So I

477
00:23:42,808 --> 00:23:44,648
Speaker 3: was hoping that that could be one of those and

478
00:23:45,088 --> 00:23:48,207
Speaker 3: down the track, potentially we could all be civil and

479
00:23:48,648 --> 00:23:51,648
Speaker 3: do it the modern family way. I had a bit

480
00:23:51,648 --> 00:23:54,288
Speaker 3: of time to process, I guess, and I did speak

481
00:23:54,328 --> 00:23:57,968
Speaker 3: to a couple of friends, very close friends, about it,

482
00:23:58,048 --> 00:24:02,207
Speaker 3: and decided that I would stick it out. And I

483
00:24:02,288 --> 00:24:05,288
Speaker 3: told him that, and he just, you know, essentially reassured

484
00:24:05,288 --> 00:24:08,407
Speaker 3: me that nothing would change. It would be different, but

485
00:24:08,768 --> 00:24:11,088
Speaker 3: we would figure it out, and once he was able

486
00:24:11,128 --> 00:24:14,888
Speaker 3: to get into either his own place or get her

487
00:24:14,968 --> 00:24:18,488
Speaker 3: another place, whichever way it would work, then things could

488
00:24:18,488 --> 00:24:21,288
Speaker 3: go back to a little bit more normal. I was

489
00:24:21,448 --> 00:24:24,368
Speaker 3: kind of a bit more forward thinking about how differently

490
00:24:24,408 --> 00:24:28,648
Speaker 3: this changes, even things like finances and whatnot as well.

491
00:24:28,888 --> 00:24:31,967
Speaker 3: We're gone from I lent him money for that kind

492
00:24:32,008 --> 00:24:34,407
Speaker 3: of stuff, but you know, when does it change to

493
00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:37,768
Speaker 3: you're not going on holidays anymore or things like that.

494
00:24:38,168 --> 00:24:40,727
Speaker 3: It was a whole new reality. There was one night

495
00:24:40,768 --> 00:24:43,088
Speaker 3: he come and stayed at my house and then I

496
00:24:43,168 --> 00:24:46,368
Speaker 3: woke up with a note saying, I've had to take

497
00:24:46,488 --> 00:24:50,328
Speaker 3: baby to hospital. I'll give you a call soon, and

498
00:24:50,408 --> 00:24:52,848
Speaker 3: I just like, he didn't wake me up to do that,

499
00:24:52,928 --> 00:24:55,608
Speaker 3: but he just left. But obviously my first thought when

500
00:24:55,648 --> 00:24:59,128
Speaker 3: I'm waking up is baby okay? So yeah, it was

501
00:24:59,208 --> 00:25:02,248
Speaker 3: just things like that. But even when he did stay

502
00:25:02,288 --> 00:25:04,768
Speaker 3: over again, he would come over and we would go

503
00:25:05,528 --> 00:25:08,008
Speaker 3: to sleep, but then he would hop up at like

504
00:25:08,048 --> 00:25:10,008
Speaker 3: one or two o'clock in the morning and go home

505
00:25:09,768 --> 00:25:11,768
Speaker 3: home because he said that, you know, he was going

506
00:25:11,808 --> 00:25:15,248
Speaker 3: to take a feed time or whatnot. So he was

507
00:25:15,328 --> 00:25:18,167
Speaker 3: kind of trying to balance being at my house but

508
00:25:18,248 --> 00:25:21,368
Speaker 3: also being at home. So and I understood that because

509
00:25:21,448 --> 00:25:23,608
Speaker 3: you know, if the ex girlfriend has just turned up

510
00:25:23,608 --> 00:25:25,808
Speaker 3: with a baby and he's going and spending time at

511
00:25:25,808 --> 00:25:28,648
Speaker 3: another girl's house, it wouldn't be hard for her just

512
00:25:28,808 --> 00:25:31,288
Speaker 3: after giving birth. So I didn't have a problem with

513
00:25:31,368 --> 00:25:33,608
Speaker 3: him spending more time at his house. And I certainly

514
00:25:33,648 --> 00:25:35,728
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be going there and flaunting it in

515
00:25:35,768 --> 00:25:39,048
Speaker 3: her face. So at the time, it was what it was.

516
00:25:39,808 --> 00:25:41,648
Speaker 3: I decided to stick it out because of how I

517
00:25:41,688 --> 00:25:43,848
Speaker 3: felt at the time, and I just thought, you know, life,

518
00:25:44,168 --> 00:25:48,167
Speaker 3: unfortunately isn't you know your your linear family anymore, And

519
00:25:48,568 --> 00:25:50,008
Speaker 3: if this is the way that we're going to have

520
00:25:50,048 --> 00:25:52,088
Speaker 3: a child, then great, I don't have to get pregnant.

521
00:25:52,488 --> 00:25:56,248
Speaker 3: It wasn't the ideal situation, but we could make it work.

522
00:25:57,808 --> 00:26:01,008
Speaker 1: So they pushed forward. Jeff was prioritizing the baby as

523
00:26:01,088 --> 00:26:03,808
Speaker 1: much as he could, while giving Sarah space and time

524
00:26:03,848 --> 00:26:06,128
Speaker 1: to come to terms with it, but very much being

525
00:26:06,168 --> 00:26:09,088
Speaker 1: there for her too, And after about three weeks, they

526
00:26:09,128 --> 00:26:11,248
Speaker 1: decided it was time for her to meet the tiny

527
00:26:11,248 --> 00:26:13,088
Speaker 1: little human who was now going to be in her

528
00:26:13,128 --> 00:26:13,608
Speaker 1: life too.

529
00:26:13,928 --> 00:26:15,608
Speaker 3: He actually called me in the morning and said, did

530
00:26:15,608 --> 00:26:17,688
Speaker 3: you want to go to the market and I said, yeah, yeah,

531
00:26:17,688 --> 00:26:20,128
Speaker 3: I'll meet you there, and then he said, I'm going

532
00:26:20,128 --> 00:26:24,208
Speaker 3: to bring baby down. I'll just walk him down there

533
00:26:24,288 --> 00:26:27,407
Speaker 3: and you can meet him. I was nervous. It was

534
00:26:27,448 --> 00:26:30,207
Speaker 3: a public place, so it was weird. But then I

535
00:26:30,248 --> 00:26:32,768
Speaker 3: can't really tell you how many times I've held a baby.

536
00:26:32,848 --> 00:26:36,328
Speaker 3: It's not many, so you know, to then hold one

537
00:26:36,488 --> 00:26:41,368
Speaker 3: that is my partner's baby, he definitely had his eyes

538
00:26:41,408 --> 00:26:43,008
Speaker 3: and I was like, how did you not know this

539
00:26:43,128 --> 00:26:43,768
Speaker 3: was your child?

540
00:26:44,288 --> 00:26:45,968
Speaker 2: But you know, I didn't bring that up.

541
00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:48,488
Speaker 3: Once it started crying, I put it in the prem

542
00:26:48,528 --> 00:26:51,728
Speaker 3: and he walked home and I went home and that

543
00:26:51,848 --> 00:26:54,408
Speaker 3: was enough for that day. So there was a few

544
00:26:54,408 --> 00:26:57,808
Speaker 3: more times that we went down to the beach one

545
00:26:57,928 --> 00:27:00,368
Speaker 3: night and had his first little splash in the water.

546
00:27:00,768 --> 00:27:02,688
Speaker 3: But there was a few times, but I certainly wasn't

547
00:27:02,968 --> 00:27:06,808
Speaker 3: an active part of this child's life. It was just

548
00:27:06,888 --> 00:27:08,168
Speaker 3: a couple of meat and greets.

549
00:27:08,488 --> 00:27:10,927
Speaker 1: It was all a massive us meant. But Sarah was

550
00:27:10,968 --> 00:27:13,528
Speaker 1: as supportive as she could be because she knew a

551
00:27:13,608 --> 00:27:16,687
Speaker 1: new life was the most important thing to prioritize. The

552
00:27:16,808 --> 00:27:18,528
Speaker 1: question she had for Jeff Goodwait.

553
00:27:19,008 --> 00:27:22,048
Speaker 3: When I first met the baby, I thought, it's very

554
00:27:22,088 --> 00:27:26,688
Speaker 3: big for a newborn. I've seen obviously photos, and I've

555
00:27:26,728 --> 00:27:28,488
Speaker 3: had a few friends that have had children, but this

556
00:27:28,888 --> 00:27:31,048
Speaker 3: baby was quite chubby and you know, had a bit

557
00:27:31,088 --> 00:27:33,407
Speaker 3: of weight in him when I held him. So the

558
00:27:33,488 --> 00:27:35,168
Speaker 3: three months I was like, oh, this is a big

559
00:27:35,288 --> 00:27:37,768
Speaker 3: kid for three months, but you know, I'm not a

560
00:27:37,808 --> 00:27:41,048
Speaker 3: baby expert, so I just didn't say anything further. I

561
00:27:41,088 --> 00:27:43,368
Speaker 3: was just like, oh, these things grow quite quickly nowadays,

562
00:27:43,408 --> 00:27:46,128
Speaker 3: and left it at that. We've been together for around

563
00:27:46,168 --> 00:27:49,648
Speaker 3: seven months. He said the baby was about three months old,

564
00:27:50,208 --> 00:27:52,168
Speaker 3: and I guess, you know, I kind of thought, well,

565
00:27:52,248 --> 00:27:54,968
Speaker 3: it was either out of the dates of us being

566
00:27:54,968 --> 00:27:57,967
Speaker 3: together or very close to the start of dating, and

567
00:27:58,008 --> 00:28:00,407
Speaker 3: I just didn't push the question too much more. He

568
00:28:00,448 --> 00:28:02,687
Speaker 3: had enough stresses going on on the other side, and

569
00:28:02,728 --> 00:28:04,848
Speaker 3: I just wanted to kind of just be there and

570
00:28:05,008 --> 00:28:09,167
Speaker 3: be supportive. I had obviously, as I said, mentioned this

571
00:28:09,248 --> 00:28:11,648
Speaker 3: to a couple of girlfriends, one of them being a

572
00:28:11,648 --> 00:28:16,408
Speaker 3: work colleague of mine, Emily, and she just couldn't put

573
00:28:16,448 --> 00:28:18,447
Speaker 3: it all together and she was really worried about me.

574
00:28:18,728 --> 00:28:20,968
Speaker 3: It was starting to, I guess, have a bit of

575
00:28:21,008 --> 00:28:25,088
Speaker 3: an effect on my work, not in my performance, but

576
00:28:25,208 --> 00:28:28,048
Speaker 3: just in the attitude in terms of I was just

577
00:28:28,408 --> 00:28:31,128
Speaker 3: I was stressed out about other things, and she's just like,

578
00:28:31,168 --> 00:28:33,168
Speaker 3: it just doesn't seem like this is a lot, and

579
00:28:33,768 --> 00:28:35,007
Speaker 3: are you sure that you want this?

580
00:28:35,128 --> 00:28:38,128
Speaker 2: And what do we know about her? Like, how was

581
00:28:38,128 --> 00:28:39,728
Speaker 2: she doing? What is going on?

582
00:28:40,248 --> 00:28:45,048
Speaker 3: And so then we sat in her office and she goes,

583
00:28:45,048 --> 00:28:47,888
Speaker 3: what do you know about this girl? And I said,

584
00:28:48,008 --> 00:28:51,328
Speaker 3: basically what I told you before, that her name is Kathy.

585
00:28:52,088 --> 00:28:54,648
Speaker 3: They were high school sweethearts, they went to the same

586
00:28:54,728 --> 00:28:58,248
Speaker 3: school and they worked together. I said to her, also,

587
00:28:58,328 --> 00:29:00,608
Speaker 3: he doesn't have social media, so you won't find anything.

588
00:29:01,088 --> 00:29:04,648
Speaker 3: And she goes, okay, And then I went back down

589
00:29:04,728 --> 00:29:07,608
Speaker 3: to my office and started doing some stuff. What have

590
00:29:07,688 --> 00:29:14,728
Speaker 3: been about ten minutes, got this screen saying Sarah. I

591
00:29:14,808 --> 00:29:18,408
Speaker 3: ran down to her office and the look that she

592
00:29:18,488 --> 00:29:22,408
Speaker 3: had on her face was just this look of someone

593
00:29:22,488 --> 00:29:25,528
Speaker 3: who just felt super sorry for me. And I was like,

594
00:29:25,528 --> 00:29:30,328
Speaker 3: what is it, and she just said, I'm so sorry.

595
00:29:30,568 --> 00:29:33,728
Speaker 3: She turned around a computer screen. There was a photo

596
00:29:34,248 --> 00:29:38,408
Speaker 3: of a girl and a guy, a pregnant girl and

597
00:29:38,488 --> 00:29:40,408
Speaker 3: a guy, and it was him.

598
00:29:41,248 --> 00:29:46,528
Speaker 2: He was holding the paternity shoot. And then I.

599
00:29:46,488 --> 00:29:49,648
Speaker 3: Looked at her name and they had the same last name.

600
00:29:52,568 --> 00:29:55,328
Speaker 3: It was her Facebook and that was her profile picture.

601
00:29:55,528 --> 00:29:58,128
Speaker 3: It was the eternity shoot. She did have it on

602
00:29:58,208 --> 00:30:00,808
Speaker 3: quite private, but you could see what her profile pictures

603
00:30:00,808 --> 00:30:04,048
Speaker 3: were back in the day, and there was their wedding photos.

604
00:30:04,528 --> 00:30:09,368
Speaker 3: There was also a photo of them with the pregnancy thing.

605
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:14,048
Speaker 3: And they actually did IVF for this baby. So not

606
00:30:14,128 --> 00:30:19,368
Speaker 3: only did he lie about an ex girlfriend, lie about

607
00:30:19,528 --> 00:30:23,368
Speaker 3: them being broken up, he lied about a child, and

608
00:30:23,448 --> 00:30:26,088
Speaker 3: he lied that he actually paid money to have this child.

609
00:30:26,848 --> 00:30:28,648
Speaker 3: And he lied to me and paid me pay for

610
00:30:28,688 --> 00:30:31,608
Speaker 3: a paternity test, and very much knew about it. It

611
00:30:31,688 --> 00:30:34,368
Speaker 3: was actually such a mix of emotions. I was laughing

612
00:30:34,808 --> 00:30:37,048
Speaker 3: and crying and I was so angry.

613
00:30:37,568 --> 00:30:38,368
Speaker 2: I was raging.

614
00:30:39,008 --> 00:30:41,728
Speaker 3: I went home and saw my girlfriend at lunchtime. I

615
00:30:41,768 --> 00:30:44,088
Speaker 3: had a friend staying with me. She was up on holidays,

616
00:30:44,408 --> 00:30:46,248
Speaker 3: and I went and poured myself a glass of wine

617
00:30:46,728 --> 00:30:50,128
Speaker 3: and we sat and She's just like, this can't be happening,

618
00:30:50,168 --> 00:30:53,848
Speaker 3: and I was like, this is happening. I wanted to scream, cry,

619
00:30:54,008 --> 00:30:58,808
Speaker 3: But also I felt really betrayed, and that is what hurt.

620
00:30:58,968 --> 00:31:02,408
Speaker 3: It was the feeling of betrayal and even the fact

621
00:31:02,488 --> 00:31:05,568
Speaker 3: that I just trusted someone so much and it was

622
00:31:05,848 --> 00:31:08,728
Speaker 3: such latant lies. It was not white lives. This was

623
00:31:09,128 --> 00:31:11,888
Speaker 3: black and white. You were married, you had a child.

624
00:31:12,408 --> 00:31:15,128
Speaker 3: It was a bit of an emotive day, that's for sure.

625
00:31:15,928 --> 00:31:18,528
Speaker 3: So much of me wanted to hold out and actually

626
00:31:18,568 --> 00:31:21,688
Speaker 3: confront him in person, but then so much a part

627
00:31:21,688 --> 00:31:23,848
Speaker 3: of me never wanted to see this person ever again

628
00:31:24,008 --> 00:31:28,168
Speaker 3: in my life. So I took a photo of these things,

629
00:31:28,208 --> 00:31:31,408
Speaker 3: I obviously hopped on her thing on my phone, screenshot

630
00:31:31,448 --> 00:31:34,208
Speaker 3: at it and sent it to him and I said,

631
00:31:34,248 --> 00:31:35,488
Speaker 3: I know everything.

632
00:31:35,648 --> 00:31:36,408
Speaker 2: How dare you?

633
00:31:37,168 --> 00:31:39,688
Speaker 3: And never talked to me again, And that was in

634
00:31:39,768 --> 00:31:43,368
Speaker 3: my rage part. Anyway, I sat there and it was

635
00:31:43,408 --> 00:31:45,328
Speaker 3: about twenty minutes later. I didn't think he'd get it

636
00:31:45,368 --> 00:31:47,168
Speaker 3: for a while because, as I said, we didn't text

637
00:31:47,208 --> 00:31:49,368
Speaker 3: during the day. He was a teacher. But I'm sure

638
00:31:49,408 --> 00:31:53,448
Speaker 3: when he got a message with a photo like that,

639
00:31:53,728 --> 00:31:56,688
Speaker 3: he would have probably walked out of the classroom anyway.

640
00:31:56,848 --> 00:31:59,528
Speaker 3: So we text back and he goes, you don't deserve this.

641
00:32:00,128 --> 00:32:02,768
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. I was sorting it all out, but

642
00:32:03,368 --> 00:32:05,608
Speaker 3: this must be too much for you. I'll leave you

643
00:32:05,648 --> 00:32:09,368
Speaker 3: alone now. That even made me more enraged, if anything,

644
00:32:09,408 --> 00:32:12,088
Speaker 3: because he didn't even have an explanation for me. He

645
00:32:12,288 --> 00:32:14,528
Speaker 3: just wanted to walk away from it, being like, oh, okay,

646
00:32:14,568 --> 00:32:18,128
Speaker 3: I've been caught see later, And so that made me mad.

647
00:32:18,648 --> 00:32:20,248
Speaker 3: I went from sad to mad.

648
00:32:20,688 --> 00:32:23,768
Speaker 1: And what do we do when we're mad, We get even.

649
00:32:24,088 --> 00:32:27,968
Speaker 3: I messaged her, Hi, Kathy, you probably don't know me,

650
00:32:28,288 --> 00:32:31,648
Speaker 3: but my name is Sarah and I have been dating

651
00:32:32,408 --> 00:32:36,808
Speaker 3: your husband for the last seven months. I only found

652
00:32:36,848 --> 00:32:40,728
Speaker 3: out about you being his ex girlfriend and the situation

653
00:32:40,928 --> 00:32:46,768
Speaker 3: going on with the baby recently, and I.

654
00:32:45,808 --> 00:32:48,328
Speaker 2: Was told that this child was not his.

655
00:32:49,248 --> 00:32:55,328
Speaker 3: I have now found your Facebook profile today and confirmed

656
00:32:55,528 --> 00:32:58,768
Speaker 3: everything is a lie. And I just want you to

657
00:32:58,848 --> 00:33:01,568
Speaker 3: be known what's going on on this side, because you

658
00:33:01,608 --> 00:33:04,848
Speaker 3: did not deserve this man that can treat both of

659
00:33:04,928 --> 00:33:09,928
Speaker 3: us like this. And it was only minutes before she

660
00:33:09,928 --> 00:33:14,328
Speaker 3: wrote back, and she wrote back, I knew it. I

661
00:33:14,448 --> 00:33:16,648
Speaker 3: knew he was cheating on me. I knew something was

662
00:33:16,688 --> 00:33:20,808
Speaker 3: going on. He's been withdrawn with me. I found an

663
00:33:20,848 --> 00:33:25,488
Speaker 3: earring in our bed and he gas lip me to

664
00:33:25,568 --> 00:33:28,528
Speaker 3: the fact that he said that I planted it in

665
00:33:28,568 --> 00:33:31,488
Speaker 3: there to try and make him look like he was

666
00:33:31,528 --> 00:33:35,128
Speaker 3: a cheater. They were not separated. They were one hundred

667
00:33:35,128 --> 00:33:37,728
Speaker 3: percent sleeping in the same bed and still sleeping together

668
00:33:37,888 --> 00:33:41,568
Speaker 3: at the time that we were together. And the reason

669
00:33:41,608 --> 00:33:43,968
Speaker 3: that she was down south is because she had some

670
00:33:44,008 --> 00:33:47,808
Speaker 3: complications with her birth, being an IVF baby, and was

671
00:33:47,848 --> 00:33:51,488
Speaker 3: spending time with family for the first six months getting

672
00:33:51,528 --> 00:33:54,848
Speaker 3: adjusted to life, And so she'd actually been down there

673
00:33:54,888 --> 00:33:57,568
Speaker 3: for a longer than that. She spent a year almost

674
00:33:57,608 --> 00:33:59,768
Speaker 3: down there, and he had been going down there more

675
00:33:59,808 --> 00:34:02,888
Speaker 3: times than what I knew. So they were very much

676
00:34:03,128 --> 00:34:06,408
Speaker 3: still together. They might not have been having the best

677
00:34:06,688 --> 00:34:10,047
Speaker 3: part of their life, but they were married and they

678
00:34:10,087 --> 00:34:11,728
Speaker 3: were back living together.

679
00:34:12,087 --> 00:34:15,928
Speaker 1: Sarah's worst fears were realized in one message. Well not

680
00:34:16,008 --> 00:34:18,928
Speaker 1: even her worst fears, really. She hadn't even considered any

681
00:34:18,968 --> 00:34:21,808
Speaker 1: of this. She was in shock, She was confused, and

682
00:34:21,848 --> 00:34:25,128
Speaker 1: she was incredibly hurt. What the hell would Jeff have

683
00:34:25,168 --> 00:34:27,087
Speaker 1: to say when he found out she knew all this

684
00:34:27,248 --> 00:34:28,728
Speaker 1: time he'd been hiding a.

685
00:34:28,728 --> 00:34:33,167
Speaker 3: Family He messaged me being like, of course you had

686
00:34:33,168 --> 00:34:35,688
Speaker 3: to tell her if I can't have you, and now

687
00:34:35,728 --> 00:34:38,567
Speaker 3: you've made me lose her too. I was like, how

688
00:34:38,648 --> 00:34:42,008
Speaker 3: dare you You haven't even explained anything to me as

689
00:34:42,008 --> 00:34:44,047
Speaker 3: to what's going on. Of course, I'm going to go

690
00:34:44,128 --> 00:34:46,848
Speaker 3: and tell this person you have been lying blatantly to

691
00:34:46,928 --> 00:34:49,848
Speaker 3: me and you have taken no responsibility.

692
00:34:49,928 --> 00:34:50,248
Speaker 2: At least.

693
00:34:50,288 --> 00:34:52,047
Speaker 3: I'm going to let someone else know that they don't

694
00:34:52,088 --> 00:34:54,248
Speaker 3: have to go through this because you are a liar.

695
00:34:55,208 --> 00:34:58,288
Speaker 3: It's just crazy to me that he thought that he

696
00:34:58,328 --> 00:35:00,848
Speaker 3: could get away with it. There was nothing too much

697
00:35:00,928 --> 00:35:04,448
Speaker 3: after that in terms of in text message form. I

698
00:35:05,128 --> 00:35:07,288
Speaker 3: kind of just stopped, but he did can't turn up

699
00:35:07,288 --> 00:35:09,488
Speaker 3: at my house. I think it was the next day,

700
00:35:10,288 --> 00:35:12,688
Speaker 3: and I didn't want to see him. He was knocking

701
00:35:12,688 --> 00:35:14,808
Speaker 3: on the door. I told him to go away. Then

702
00:35:15,328 --> 00:35:19,008
Speaker 3: the next day he left flowers and food at my

703
00:35:19,088 --> 00:35:22,368
Speaker 3: door some pat tie and sent me a text message

704
00:35:22,368 --> 00:35:25,128
Speaker 3: saying I left your favorite food. I hope you're eating.

705
00:35:25,608 --> 00:35:28,208
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be eating because he'd broken my heart. It

706
00:35:28,288 --> 00:35:33,047
Speaker 3: was so bloody narcissistic, and I walked it straight out

707
00:35:33,088 --> 00:35:35,047
Speaker 3: to the bin and put the flowers in the bin

708
00:35:35,088 --> 00:35:39,087
Speaker 3: as well. I actually text the wife and sent her

709
00:35:39,088 --> 00:35:40,728
Speaker 3: a photo and said, I hope he doesn't bring you

710
00:35:40,768 --> 00:35:43,888
Speaker 3: home flowers too, just to keep her in the loop.

711
00:35:44,048 --> 00:35:46,527
Speaker 3: She had to make her own decision about the relationship,

712
00:35:46,768 --> 00:35:49,047
Speaker 3: but I also didn't want her falling back into a

713
00:35:49,048 --> 00:35:51,688
Speaker 3: bubble where his love bombing her again and being like

714
00:35:51,768 --> 00:35:53,448
Speaker 3: that was a mistake I made.

715
00:35:53,608 --> 00:35:54,328
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry.

716
00:35:54,848 --> 00:35:57,527
Speaker 3: I never wanted to make her feel even worse than

717
00:35:57,568 --> 00:35:59,288
Speaker 3: what it was. But I was also happy to give

718
00:35:59,328 --> 00:36:02,488
Speaker 3: her information. But I also didn't want to be screenshotting

719
00:36:02,528 --> 00:36:05,128
Speaker 3: conversations in things like that because I just didn't think,

720
00:36:05,488 --> 00:36:08,248
Speaker 3: you know, we were in two separate relationships and we

721
00:36:08,368 --> 00:36:10,408
Speaker 3: both didn't know about each other. So I didn't want

722
00:36:10,448 --> 00:36:12,288
Speaker 3: her to see, you know, I love you and things

723
00:36:12,328 --> 00:36:14,167
Speaker 3: like that. So I just kind of kept it very

724
00:36:14,208 --> 00:36:16,808
Speaker 3: matter of fact and said, you know, if you need

725
00:36:16,888 --> 00:36:20,288
Speaker 3: assistance or something like, you can let me know. I

726
00:36:20,368 --> 00:36:23,608
Speaker 3: believe that she was then looking for another property and whatnot,

727
00:36:24,128 --> 00:36:26,488
Speaker 3: and she was going to move out of that home.

728
00:36:26,848 --> 00:36:29,368
Speaker 3: Then I started doing more digging, and the house that

729
00:36:29,448 --> 00:36:32,248
Speaker 3: he said was his, I did a title search and

730
00:36:32,288 --> 00:36:36,607
Speaker 3: it was their. The lies were just so many that

731
00:36:36,728 --> 00:36:40,008
Speaker 3: you couldn't even stop unraveling them once they come out.

732
00:36:40,968 --> 00:36:42,848
Speaker 3: The hardest thing for me was, you know, I hung

733
00:36:42,888 --> 00:36:45,687
Speaker 3: out with his friends and his work colleagues. I don't

734
00:36:45,728 --> 00:36:47,488
Speaker 3: know if he was feeding them lies that they had

735
00:36:47,488 --> 00:36:51,047
Speaker 3: separated as well, because obviously she was done south at

736
00:36:51,088 --> 00:36:54,488
Speaker 3: the time, so I don't know what the story was there,

737
00:36:54,568 --> 00:36:57,488
Speaker 3: but I certainly know, particularly the housemates knew that she

738
00:36:57,608 --> 00:37:00,088
Speaker 3: was staying there because they all lived in the same house.

739
00:37:00,568 --> 00:37:03,168
Speaker 3: And you know, when I actually did see them maybe

740
00:37:03,328 --> 00:37:05,527
Speaker 3: a month later at the pub, they looked at me

741
00:37:05,608 --> 00:37:07,167
Speaker 3: and went to stay hi, and I was like, don't

742
00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:10,608
Speaker 3: you dare, don't talk to me. I just can't condone

743
00:37:10,648 --> 00:37:13,087
Speaker 3: anyone that can go along with their friends and not

744
00:37:13,128 --> 00:37:14,928
Speaker 3: pull them up on that. They saw that I was

745
00:37:14,928 --> 00:37:17,608
Speaker 3: in love with this guy, and they didn't give me

746
00:37:17,648 --> 00:37:18,208
Speaker 3: any warning.

747
00:37:18,688 --> 00:37:20,688
Speaker 2: Like it's yeah, it was horrible.

748
00:37:21,488 --> 00:37:24,528
Speaker 3: I was sad, but I was also just there's nothing

749
00:37:24,528 --> 00:37:26,728
Speaker 3: I could do to change the situation. It was a

750
00:37:26,728 --> 00:37:29,408
Speaker 3: shitty situation, and there was no coming back from it.

751
00:37:29,408 --> 00:37:32,047
Speaker 3: It wasn't like there's My emotions turned off to him

752
00:37:32,288 --> 00:37:35,288
Speaker 3: almost immediately because trust was a big thing for me,

753
00:37:35,728 --> 00:37:39,047
Speaker 3: and you know, once you break that, it's pretty hard

754
00:37:39,088 --> 00:37:41,328
Speaker 3: to come back from. But this is like on the

755
00:37:41,368 --> 00:37:45,408
Speaker 3: extra scale of breaking a trust, so the feelings were done.

756
00:37:45,488 --> 00:37:48,048
Speaker 3: It was more so I kind of kept replaying over

757
00:37:48,168 --> 00:37:50,288
Speaker 3: and over in my head. How could I'd not have

758
00:37:50,328 --> 00:37:53,128
Speaker 3: seen more signs if I've looked back so many times

759
00:37:53,168 --> 00:37:55,928
Speaker 3: and tried to see whether or not there was anything

760
00:37:55,928 --> 00:37:58,408
Speaker 3: that I missed and any red flags. But I really

761
00:37:59,248 --> 00:38:02,088
Speaker 3: can't see anything that I would have picked up that

762
00:38:02,088 --> 00:38:04,808
Speaker 3: would have been any different. He was just able to

763
00:38:04,848 --> 00:38:08,448
Speaker 3: get away with it and lie so easily without any

764
00:38:08,728 --> 00:38:12,968
Speaker 3: need for concern. He really didn't give away any science

765
00:38:13,608 --> 00:38:17,167
Speaker 3: when baby wasn't here. But I guess in terms of

766
00:38:17,328 --> 00:38:20,768
Speaker 3: when you think about it looking back, once baby was here,

767
00:38:20,848 --> 00:38:22,768
Speaker 3: you know, taking off in the middle of the night

768
00:38:22,888 --> 00:38:25,808
Speaker 3: and walking outside for phone calls and things like that,

769
00:38:26,088 --> 00:38:28,368
Speaker 3: I guess could be. But I also knew she was there,

770
00:38:28,528 --> 00:38:31,208
Speaker 3: So it wasn't a huge red flag to me because I,

771
00:38:31,288 --> 00:38:33,488
Speaker 3: in my head was told the full situation of what

772
00:38:33,648 --> 00:38:36,808
Speaker 3: was going on at the time. So yeah, I really

773
00:38:36,888 --> 00:38:39,928
Speaker 3: couldn't have really picked anything up differently. It was just

774
00:38:40,008 --> 00:38:41,888
Speaker 3: I should have stalked her earlier.

775
00:38:42,168 --> 00:38:44,888
Speaker 1: As traumatic and huge a betrayal as this had been.

776
00:38:45,168 --> 00:38:48,288
Speaker 1: Sarah was empathetic towards Kathy. It was a much bigger

777
00:38:48,328 --> 00:38:50,968
Speaker 1: betrayal of her, and she was the one really left

778
00:38:50,968 --> 00:38:53,248
Speaker 1: in the thick of it. So Sarah put aside her

779
00:38:53,288 --> 00:38:57,208
Speaker 1: own hurt and backed away, not her circus, not her monkeys.

780
00:38:57,688 --> 00:39:00,687
Speaker 3: Realistically, I was hurting, but I was actually hurting more

781
00:39:00,808 --> 00:39:04,688
Speaker 3: for Kathy than I was for myself because I was

782
00:39:04,688 --> 00:39:07,527
Speaker 3: only seven months in, but she was ten and she

783
00:39:07,608 --> 00:39:10,328
Speaker 3: had a baby with this person that that's not a

784
00:39:10,328 --> 00:39:12,808
Speaker 3: good guy. There was a couple of occasions where he

785
00:39:12,848 --> 00:39:14,608
Speaker 3: tried to leave me food and things like that. I

786
00:39:14,808 --> 00:39:17,328
Speaker 3: just ended up fizzling out the conversation. I just wouldn't

787
00:39:17,368 --> 00:39:19,768
Speaker 3: get back to him if he texted me. I just said,

788
00:39:19,808 --> 00:39:20,968
Speaker 3: you know, you're going to have to leave me a

789
00:39:20,968 --> 00:39:25,047
Speaker 3: lot like it's done. And he did respect that. That's

790
00:39:25,048 --> 00:39:27,848
Speaker 3: the only thing he respected from me, But he did

791
00:39:27,888 --> 00:39:32,047
Speaker 3: respect that, and then quite the same with Kathy. She

792
00:39:32,168 --> 00:39:35,608
Speaker 3: probably asked a few more questions over the coming weeks

793
00:39:35,928 --> 00:39:38,728
Speaker 3: because he had been lying to her. It got really

794
00:39:38,848 --> 00:39:40,808
Speaker 3: actually to the point where I was a bit draining

795
00:39:40,808 --> 00:39:42,248
Speaker 3: on me as well, because I was trying to move

796
00:39:42,288 --> 00:39:44,647
Speaker 3: on and I didn't want to keep going back into it.

797
00:39:45,048 --> 00:39:47,408
Speaker 3: And I think she kind of got that and tape

798
00:39:47,408 --> 00:39:49,968
Speaker 3: it off on that as well. We didn't really have

799
00:39:50,088 --> 00:39:52,728
Speaker 3: the end of relationship conversation at all. It was so

800
00:39:52,808 --> 00:39:54,968
Speaker 3: black and white. There was nothing really he could say

801
00:39:55,288 --> 00:39:58,567
Speaker 3: to change my mind about anything. The blatant lies were

802
00:39:58,608 --> 00:40:01,328
Speaker 3: there and any facts that I needed. I was kind

803
00:40:01,328 --> 00:40:05,008
Speaker 3: of getting off Kathy, and even the language that was used,

804
00:40:05,048 --> 00:40:07,248
Speaker 3: being like, I can't believe you're talking to her now,

805
00:40:07,248 --> 00:40:09,008
Speaker 3: I'm going to lose both of you really showed his

806
00:40:09,048 --> 00:40:11,368
Speaker 3: true colors. But that was not someone that I wanted

807
00:40:11,368 --> 00:40:15,248
Speaker 3: to talk to ever again. I just rallied around with

808
00:40:15,288 --> 00:40:19,488
Speaker 3: my friends who we just talked about that crazy story

809
00:40:19,568 --> 00:40:22,047
Speaker 3: and got back on with my life. I took some

810
00:40:22,128 --> 00:40:25,848
Speaker 3: time out from dating, obviously, and you know, kind of

811
00:40:25,888 --> 00:40:28,248
Speaker 3: just focused on myself. I still had everything else in

812
00:40:28,248 --> 00:40:30,848
Speaker 3: my life was good, and that was, you know, something

813
00:40:30,928 --> 00:40:32,928
Speaker 3: adding to it. But once it wasn't adding to it,

814
00:40:32,968 --> 00:40:36,087
Speaker 3: then okay, see you later, because there was nothing I

815
00:40:36,128 --> 00:40:38,448
Speaker 3: wanted to do to change this one. But it definitely

816
00:40:38,488 --> 00:40:41,087
Speaker 3: took me some time. I actually do think he did

817
00:40:41,128 --> 00:40:43,607
Speaker 3: love me, that's the thing. I think that he did

818
00:40:43,688 --> 00:40:47,168
Speaker 3: truly care about me, and I don't know, in a

819
00:40:47,208 --> 00:40:50,167
Speaker 3: strange way, if he really did think that he could

820
00:40:50,168 --> 00:40:53,288
Speaker 3: have sorted this out and just separated from her, and

821
00:40:53,328 --> 00:40:56,728
Speaker 3: then we continue one. I don't know because I'm not

822
00:40:56,768 --> 00:40:59,448
Speaker 3: inside his mind, but I think in his head that

823
00:40:59,528 --> 00:41:01,968
Speaker 3: he was going to go through a separation with her

824
00:41:02,648 --> 00:41:05,768
Speaker 3: and start a life with me, and I would just

825
00:41:05,808 --> 00:41:10,328
Speaker 3: never know the numbers in terms of the overlap timeframes

826
00:41:10,368 --> 00:41:12,328
Speaker 3: and things like that. But you know, when it didn't

827
00:41:12,368 --> 00:41:14,288
Speaker 3: work like that, because you know, it all blew up

828
00:41:14,328 --> 00:41:14,808
Speaker 3: in his face.

829
00:41:15,208 --> 00:41:17,488
Speaker 1: So she thought that'd be it. She had no reason

830
00:41:17,488 --> 00:41:19,728
Speaker 1: to ever speak to nor hear from either of them

831
00:41:19,768 --> 00:41:22,928
Speaker 1: again until only nine months later.

832
00:41:24,248 --> 00:41:25,888
Speaker 2: I got a message of her.

833
00:41:25,928 --> 00:41:28,207
Speaker 3: We weren't friends on Facebook or anything, so it comes

834
00:41:28,288 --> 00:41:31,607
Speaker 3: up in your message requests. She just said, oh, hey,

835
00:41:31,848 --> 00:41:35,408
Speaker 3: I hope you're well. Just touching base with you. Jeffrey

836
00:41:35,888 --> 00:41:39,128
Speaker 3: has moved on to another girl. Turns out he's engaged.

837
00:41:40,448 --> 00:41:43,968
Speaker 3: He's engaged to another girl who apparently he has started

838
00:41:44,048 --> 00:41:48,448
Speaker 3: dating at the same time. I just wrote back to

839
00:41:48,448 --> 00:41:50,648
Speaker 3: her and I said, oh, I hope you're getting everything

840
00:41:50,688 --> 00:41:54,368
Speaker 3: sorted and getting yourself and your baby set up, and

841
00:41:54,488 --> 00:41:58,328
Speaker 3: best of luck to you. Escaped something pretty horrific. And

842
00:41:58,368 --> 00:42:01,607
Speaker 3: then she mentioned that they were selling the house and

843
00:42:01,648 --> 00:42:04,208
Speaker 3: that she would be, you know, going home to her

844
00:42:04,288 --> 00:42:07,608
Speaker 3: family and it was a complete separation and they split.

845
00:42:08,408 --> 00:42:13,488
Speaker 3: I wasn't surprised. I actually wasn't surprised after it, I said,

846
00:42:13,528 --> 00:42:17,368
Speaker 3: you know, like the facts about everything in this were

847
00:42:17,448 --> 00:42:23,047
Speaker 3: just so unreal that stick on an engagement like that's

848
00:42:23,088 --> 00:42:25,288
Speaker 3: just another bit to the story, really, isn't it. Like

849
00:42:25,408 --> 00:42:27,808
Speaker 3: it didn't actually shock me. I laughed, I think at

850
00:42:27,848 --> 00:42:31,768
Speaker 3: the time, and just goes, yeah, look, that would be Jeffrey.

851
00:42:32,528 --> 00:42:35,848
Speaker 3: I don't know it to be true. I haven't actually looked,

852
00:42:35,848 --> 00:42:39,808
Speaker 3: but apparently he is now married. He's now moved into state, thankfully,

853
00:42:40,208 --> 00:42:43,408
Speaker 3: and I don't know his relationship with his child, but

854
00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:47,128
Speaker 3: I don't think it's a super positive one. He's just

855
00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:48,848
Speaker 3: ran away from his problems again.

856
00:42:49,288 --> 00:42:52,688
Speaker 1: But Sarah hasn't done that. In fact, she's thrived. She

857
00:42:52,728 --> 00:42:55,608
Speaker 1: had dodged a massive bullet, and she credits that to

858
00:42:55,728 --> 00:42:58,087
Speaker 1: putting her on the path to exactly where she's meant

859
00:42:58,128 --> 00:42:58,328
Speaker 1: to be.

860
00:43:00,088 --> 00:43:01,288
Speaker 2: Well, it definitely took me a while.

861
00:43:01,568 --> 00:43:03,647
Speaker 3: I sat out for a little bit and just made

862
00:43:03,688 --> 00:43:06,128
Speaker 3: sure that I was going to be I guess, strong

863
00:43:06,208 --> 00:43:10,368
Speaker 3: enough to go through another situation, but also really that

864
00:43:10,368 --> 00:43:13,047
Speaker 3: that situation is like one in a million, So it

865
00:43:13,088 --> 00:43:15,608
Speaker 3: couldn't be as bad as that one, but you know,

866
00:43:15,648 --> 00:43:18,288
Speaker 3: I definitely had a lack of trust for people and

867
00:43:18,288 --> 00:43:21,488
Speaker 3: and always probably looked for, you know, the worst case

868
00:43:21,528 --> 00:43:24,328
Speaker 3: scenario rather than just kind of going with the flow,

869
00:43:24,368 --> 00:43:26,928
Speaker 3: which is what I had done in the past.

870
00:43:27,208 --> 00:43:27,728
Speaker 2: I didn't have.

871
00:43:27,848 --> 00:43:30,047
Speaker 3: I always used to be of the mantra that if

872
00:43:30,088 --> 00:43:32,688
Speaker 3: you don't have any reason to not be trusted, like,

873
00:43:32,728 --> 00:43:35,568
Speaker 3: the trust is given until it's broken. So that definitely

874
00:43:35,688 --> 00:43:38,488
Speaker 3: changed to the it's guilty to proven innocent rather than

875
00:43:38,488 --> 00:43:41,448
Speaker 3: innocent to proven guilty. And that was not the best

876
00:43:41,448 --> 00:43:43,608
Speaker 3: way to look at things, but it was just protecting myself.

877
00:43:43,808 --> 00:43:46,687
Speaker 3: So it would have been about nine months or so later,

878
00:43:46,728 --> 00:43:49,288
Speaker 3: maybe closer to a year, but it was a little

879
00:43:49,288 --> 00:43:54,208
Speaker 3: while and I hopped back on Tinder and thought I

880
00:43:54,208 --> 00:43:58,167
Speaker 3: would give it another shot. And it was within that

881
00:43:58,248 --> 00:44:01,567
Speaker 3: first evening that I was on there. I swiped on

882
00:44:01,888 --> 00:44:07,567
Speaker 3: a beautiful person called Dan and we started talking back

883
00:44:07,648 --> 00:44:11,368
Speaker 3: and forth, and yeah, it was just we lived in ourtown,

884
00:44:11,648 --> 00:44:14,728
Speaker 3: but he was doing some remote work and after a

885
00:44:14,728 --> 00:44:18,128
Speaker 3: few nights of talking, he said, oh, I'll give you

886
00:44:18,168 --> 00:44:20,328
Speaker 3: a call if you like, and we ended up sitting

887
00:44:20,368 --> 00:44:22,408
Speaker 3: on the phone and chatting for a couple of hours

888
00:44:22,488 --> 00:44:24,488
Speaker 3: and it was just free flowing conversation.

889
00:44:24,568 --> 00:44:25,888
Speaker 2: It's like we knew each other.

890
00:44:25,728 --> 00:44:28,888
Speaker 3: For years, and we actually because we weren't face to

891
00:44:28,928 --> 00:44:31,728
Speaker 3: face and we were talking, I actually told him the

892
00:44:31,808 --> 00:44:34,928
Speaker 3: story right then. I know, you never saw talked about

893
00:44:34,968 --> 00:44:36,567
Speaker 3: yex on a first date, but it wasn't even a

894
00:44:36,568 --> 00:44:37,047
Speaker 3: first date.

895
00:44:37,088 --> 00:44:39,328
Speaker 2: We were just talking and getting to know each other.

896
00:44:39,808 --> 00:44:41,888
Speaker 3: And I guess I really said like a bit of

897
00:44:41,888 --> 00:44:45,248
Speaker 3: a foundation that he really and he was so understanding

898
00:44:45,368 --> 00:44:49,368
Speaker 3: of me being very difficult to trust and let people

899
00:44:49,408 --> 00:44:54,408
Speaker 3: in and was respectful of that and really probably held

900
00:44:54,408 --> 00:44:57,128
Speaker 3: my hand a little bit like in terms of you know, now,

901
00:44:57,368 --> 00:45:00,008
Speaker 3: you know, you get to you worry about other people

902
00:45:00,048 --> 00:45:01,968
Speaker 3: and other things, but I never had a reason to

903
00:45:02,008 --> 00:45:05,288
Speaker 3: worry with him. Once we were together, that was it.

904
00:45:05,368 --> 00:45:08,248
Speaker 3: There was no one else. It's an open phone policy.

905
00:45:08,328 --> 00:45:12,328
Speaker 3: It's everything that I needed he gave me. And yeah,

906
00:45:12,368 --> 00:45:15,128
Speaker 3: I'm very, very lucky to have him. We've been together

907
00:45:15,208 --> 00:45:18,288
Speaker 3: coming up to two years now, just bought a property

908
00:45:18,488 --> 00:45:21,768
Speaker 3: together and have a nice little life with our three

909
00:45:21,768 --> 00:45:24,607
Speaker 3: little puppies. I can see myself getting old with this one.

910
00:45:24,648 --> 00:45:27,047
Speaker 3: And there's just no drama in our life, which I love.

911
00:45:27,568 --> 00:45:29,408
Speaker 3: I never want to have to deal with, you know,

912
00:45:29,528 --> 00:45:31,448
Speaker 3: secret wives and children ever again.

913
00:45:46,648 --> 00:45:49,047
Speaker 1: Everyone has an Eggs is a Minti Media production and

914
00:45:49,128 --> 00:45:51,888
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Mum and mea network. This episode

915
00:45:51,968 --> 00:45:54,848
Speaker 1: is written and narrated by me Georgia Love and produced

916
00:45:54,848 --> 00:45:56,968
Speaker 1: by Linda Scott. If you have a story you'd like

917
00:45:57,088 --> 00:46:00,008
Speaker 1: to share, email podcast at momameia dot com dot au.

918
00:46:00,328 --> 00:46:02,248
Speaker 1: You can support us by following the show in your

919
00:46:02,248 --> 00:46:04,968
Speaker 1: favorite podcast app and leaving a five star review. We'll

920
00:46:04,968 --> 00:46:08,008
Speaker 1: see you for the next episode.