Speaker 1: You're listening to a Mama Maya podcast. Mamma Maya acknowledges
Speaker 1: the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast
Speaker 1: is recorded on.
Speaker 2: But I really truly believe this. Men don't bother to
Speaker 2: comment unless they want to you. And yeah, there are
Speaker 2: hateful things like, you know, making fun of your body
Speaker 2: or calling you fat or old, or all the beautiful
Speaker 2: misogyny that comes along with posting on the internet. But
Speaker 2: in general, when a guy posts theming like oh, I
Speaker 2: don't know about those pants, they're distracting. You're like, you
Speaker 2: think I'm hot and you don't know how to express
Speaker 2: it properly or just say nothing, so you're saying something weird.
Speaker 3: For Mamma Maya. You're listening to No Filter. And I'm
Speaker 3: kateline Brook. I love funny people. I think funny people
Speaker 3: are an ornament to the world. And Eliza Schlesinger is
Speaker 3: a very funny woman. She's so funny that she's made
Speaker 3: a very successful career out of being funny. But the
Speaker 3: thing about Eliza that you'll hear in this conversation is
Speaker 3: that behind the funny is a deep intelligence, a boundless curiosity,
Speaker 3: and a lot of love for the cohort that inspire
Speaker 3: the lines share of her material us women. You know
Speaker 3: that thing about how you can make fun of your
Speaker 3: sister but nobody else can. Well, Eliza is a bit
Speaker 3: like that, because she makes fun of us. Oh boy,
Speaker 3: does she make fun of us. But she does it
Speaker 3: from such a place of loving observation, and she's one
Speaker 3: of us that not only can she get away with it,
Speaker 3: but somehow we feel seen and understood through the lens
Speaker 3: of her comedy something Else. Eliza is hard working, ridiculously
Speaker 3: hard working. At forty two, she's the mother of two
Speaker 3: young children. She's an actress, she's a podcaster and author,
Speaker 3: a wife to an ambitious and talented husband, and who
Speaker 3: makes a fun cameo in this conversation that may also
Speaker 3: leave you a bit hungry. And she's also about to
Speaker 3: release her seventh comedy special A Different Animal, and a
Speaker 3: tour which will be bringing her here.
Speaker 1: To our shores.
Speaker 3: In April, Eliza joined us from her home office in
Speaker 3: La after a big flight and wanted me to know
Speaker 3: that she didn't think she was firing on all cylinders.
Speaker 3: We started our conversation with her explaining that she was
Speaker 3: feeling a bit like half a person. I'm very happy
Speaker 3: with the half.
Speaker 2: I'll give you the half. You know, sometimes as women,
Speaker 2: your half is more than most others. Hales. I just
Speaker 2: flew in from Miami this morning and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I can do a podcast, and then it just like
Speaker 2: minutes ago, hit me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Because also, your work ethic is phenomenal.
Speaker 1: Thank you, I know, and I do. I consider that
Speaker 1: a compliment.
Speaker 3: Particularly you know, I've spent a lot of my working
Speaker 3: life with male comedians, and.
Speaker 1: A lot of them quite honest. Sorry, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 3: Because also a lot of them are very honest about
Speaker 3: the fact that they got into comedy because they're lazy,
Speaker 3: so they wanted to have that the sleepings and the
Speaker 3: late nights and the adulation and the la la that
Speaker 3: is not you.
Speaker 2: No, But I really love the work and I didn't
Speaker 2: get into it for to sleep with girls. And I
Speaker 2: didn't get into it because of you know, latent, weird
Speaker 2: insecurities or anything. I genuinely enjoy the work. So it
Speaker 2: is exhausting, and I've gotten better at giving myself breaks
Speaker 2: and doing things to make it easier. Like even last night,
Speaker 2: I did a corporate gig and I walked in and
Speaker 2: it was basically like performing in front of an oil
Speaker 2: painting of people and I told my first joke and
Speaker 2: they flew me there for this. I told my first
Speaker 2: joke and it went flat, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: we're going to have to do a full hour of work.
Speaker 2: You're right, what's your name? And I don't think I've
Speaker 2: worked that hard enough.
Speaker 3: Very yeah, well that's like corporates can be, notoriously just foul.
Speaker 3: Like afterwards, you feel like you need one of those
Speaker 3: care and silkwood showers.
Speaker 1: You know, we should just get it off.
Speaker 2: And they were all so nice and like we had
Speaker 2: fun and it was whatever. But it was very clear
Speaker 2: to me within the first three minutes, like, oh, you
Speaker 2: can't do your material. You're going to have to go
Speaker 2: down the line and really work and so but I
Speaker 2: did feel invigorated after it, but it's still you got
Speaker 2: to love the work otherwise you'll be miserable. And I
Speaker 2: think that's for anything any career.
Speaker 3: Well, you know, it's interesting because also you then become
Speaker 3: I don't want to say victims, not the right word,
Speaker 3: but but you become enmeshed in your own success. So
Speaker 3: the snowball that you're rolling down the hill becomes bigger,
Speaker 3: and it picks up more people along the way because
Speaker 3: you need more people to run things. Where are you
Speaker 3: at now in your life and now you've got two
Speaker 3: kids and you've got a husband just bloated.
Speaker 2: No, if you're a comic and if you're a multi
Speaker 2: hyphen it performer or business person at all these things,
Speaker 2: the more you make, the more people you need to
Speaker 2: sustain that. And it's not in a way that like
Speaker 2: I can't sustain it. But if you want things done well,
Speaker 2: you need someone to do your social media, you need
Speaker 2: someone to film you, publicists to make sure and so
Speaker 2: you do need these things if you want to get
Speaker 2: the quality results that you see your peers getting. I
Speaker 2: think it's very rare that it's like it was just
Speaker 2: luck and everyone was just obsessed and you didn't need
Speaker 2: anybody and so but it all begets the next thing.
Speaker 2: So it's a it's just maintaining a consistency and while
Speaker 2: always trying to level up.
Speaker 1: You do level up all the time.
Speaker 3: And I've just watched a different animal which is your
Speaker 3: new Yeah, it's just so I have to like a
Speaker 3: part of it. Your knowledge of women is forensic, like
Speaker 3: your understanding of us is so deep but also loving,
Speaker 3: even as you are fully across all of our divots. Ye,
Speaker 3: our pivots are like self deceptions. It's really beautiful. But also,
Speaker 3: and I know I don't want I don't want to
Speaker 3: sound distracted by the frivolous, but mate, you are as.
Speaker 1: Hot as haydies.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Well that's a lot coming from an
Speaker 2: Australian because you guys, your bar set pretty high as
Speaker 2: you're ten year round. Thank you.
Speaker 3: That outfit is insane, Oh thank you? When did you
Speaker 3: get the idea? Like, do you have an idea? This
Speaker 3: is how I kind of want to look. I'm going
Speaker 3: to wear some mesh and some over the knee boots
Speaker 3: and I'm going to strut around.
Speaker 2: Like basically, you know, I am not a dressy person.
Speaker 2: I think you can dress up for a late night set,
Speaker 2: not that those are really a thing as much anymore.
Speaker 2: But I'm very casual on stage because I'm a pretty
Speaker 2: casual off stage. But I think your special is your
Speaker 2: moment to wear the thing and not have to work
Speaker 2: for it with your audience in the way that you
Speaker 2: did coming up within the clubs and you're just trying
Speaker 2: to you know, And I came up. You know, I've
Speaker 2: been doing comedy for twenty years, so I definitely came
Speaker 2: up at a time where it was still a little
Speaker 2: weird to see a woman doing comedy. Not that we
Speaker 2: hadn't been out there, and not that women hadn't come
Speaker 2: before me, but I never dressed up on stage because
Speaker 2: I felt audiences just like weren't. I didn't have that
Speaker 2: additional ninety seconds to get you used to the fact
Speaker 2: that I had a nice body. I wanted you to
Speaker 2: hear my jokes right off the bat, and so I
Speaker 2: was always very casual in stage, and I wanted to
Speaker 2: be comfortable. But in the specials, it's your chance to
Speaker 2: kind of like know that you're surrounded by fans. This
Speaker 2: is something that you earned. And so for elder millennial
Speaker 2: and for unfailed and for hot forever, I just tried
Speaker 2: to do outfits that I was comfortable in. I saw
Speaker 2: these pants right before I got pregnant with my son,
Speaker 2: So I had these pants basically a year, like so
Speaker 2: hard to do that math. I saw them online. I
Speaker 2: like listened to a lot of like electronic dance music,
Speaker 2: and I saw some It was an ad. I don't
Speaker 2: know if they're like a Spanish site. I don't know
Speaker 2: where they're from. And I saw these pants and I
Speaker 2: was like, those are the pants. I just felt it.
Speaker 2: I ordered them. I had to get them delivered to
Speaker 2: England to get them sent to me, like I had.
Speaker 1: So you couldn't. They wouldn't cheap directly to you. It
Speaker 1: was something like we just circumvented.
Speaker 2: I got them. I tried them on, and I was
Speaker 2: like a couple weeks pregnant with Ethan, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tuck these away had the baby. And then
Speaker 2: every we would do pilates and my instructor would even
Speaker 2: be like as I would lift my legs, she'd be like, okay,
Speaker 2: belly in pants. Pants. And I just like them, and
Speaker 2: I know that some people don't and they're wrong because
Speaker 2: they're hot fire. Oh my god. I was like, they're
Speaker 2: just so rock and roll but also ravy, and like
Speaker 2: who cares if people are bothered by them? Like what
Speaker 2: does it matter people bothered by them?
Speaker 1: It's interesting?
Speaker 3: What I mean it is when you were talking about
Speaker 3: when you were first coming on stage and you would
Speaker 3: kind of go under rather than go over because you
Speaker 3: didn't want to be You didn't want your physicality to
Speaker 3: be a distraction from the jokes. But it's always such
Speaker 3: a thing for women because the way that we look
Speaker 3: is so stratified, and we read it in each other instantly,
Speaker 3: and there's so much more to read in a woman
Speaker 3: than there is in a man. So a man's basically
Speaker 3: like wou chinos and a shirt, right, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well it also doesn't matter because the truth is it's
Speaker 2: not the dapples and oranges. We judgment and women on
Speaker 2: very different things, and so I don't know if there's
Speaker 2: if there's less. You know, we look at a man's
Speaker 2: haircut in a way that we don't really look at
Speaker 2: a woman's haircut. We look at if a man is
Speaker 2: wearing pants, like, but are they naise pants? Like I
Speaker 2: can tell.
Speaker 1: You if a man's not.
Speaker 3: If a man's not wearing pants, we're definitely judging him
Speaker 3: wearing pants.
Speaker 2: He is a male car an agree room. But like
Speaker 2: I could wear out of date sneakers and nobody would
Speaker 2: ever care, other than like some gen z person that
Speaker 2: like wants to make me feel bad for being a millennial.
Speaker 2: But if you're a guy and like Kenneth Cole reaction
Speaker 2: like work shoes, like I will know that, and then
Speaker 2: I'll know, like, oh, you don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2: And so there is that thing where you're being judged
Speaker 2: by women, you're being judged by men. But I really
Speaker 2: truly believe this. Men don't bother to comment unless they
Speaker 2: want to you.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there are hateful things like, you know, making fun
Speaker 2: of your body or calling you fat or old or
Speaker 2: all the beautiful misogyny that comes along with posting on
Speaker 2: the internet. But in general, when a guy posts theming
Speaker 2: like oh, I don't know about those paints, they're distracting.
Speaker 2: You're like, h you think I'm hot and you know
Speaker 2: how to express it properly or just say nothing, So
Speaker 2: you're saying something weird.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and in the fact you're here at school.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and in fact, in a different animal days up
Speaker 3: the whole beat that you do about that, about how
Speaker 3: if we knew how simple men were in their desires,
Speaker 3: it would save us a lot of time.
Speaker 2: A lot. It spends so much less money on Sephora,
Speaker 2: and spend so much less money on therapy. And the
Speaker 2: truth is, especially as women, as we get older, we
Speaker 2: do know that. But what then becomes clear to us
Speaker 2: as women is that it isn't about them, because it
Speaker 2: was when you were younger, because you didn't have to
Speaker 2: do as much, and it was about attracting them and
Speaker 2: putting everything out there. And now as you get older,
Speaker 2: my husband doesn't care, but I'm like I still do
Speaker 2: because I would like other people to look at me
Speaker 2: to validate how attractive I am.
Speaker 3: You know, well, you also do a bit in that
Speaker 3: that was that seems kind of counterintuity because you talk
Speaker 3: about and it's very funny about when a woman feels
Speaker 3: loved and nurtured and understood and appreciated or whatever.
Speaker 1: Basically, it's our cute to let ourselves go.
Speaker 2: It's everything is so you can get ugly, Like all
Speaker 2: you want to do is get in that relationship. And
Speaker 2: this is obviously not the true objective, but it is
Speaker 2: that thing where you know, we want to scroll up
Speaker 2: into his heart and grow a mustache, like and we
Speaker 2: all and you see it online and stuff like people
Speaker 2: you're in sweatpants whatever. I think it's it's exacerbated when
Speaker 2: people make fun of it online because the truth is, like,
Speaker 2: if you're the kind of girl that would wear sweatpants
Speaker 2: and like a ratty shirt around your boyfriend, you're that
Speaker 2: girl anyway, like you don't just become like a hideous
Speaker 2: bog troll. But I think it's also like when do
Speaker 2: we get a break as women? Like when can I
Speaker 2: be relaxed or do I have to always be uncomfortable
Speaker 2: to show that I'm fuckible?
Speaker 3: Ye?
Speaker 2: You know, And so I think that there's something beautiful
Speaker 2: in a woman just being like, yeah, like I've had
Speaker 2: two kids. I think I'm allowed to like set it
Speaker 2: down for a night and pick it back up whenever
Speaker 2: I'm ready.
Speaker 1: Sure, well you have picked it back up. Oh, thank you,
Speaker 1: you sure have.
Speaker 3: But I wanted to ask you, like how your day looks,
Speaker 3: because really, and I've been familiar with you for a
Speaker 3: long time, and a lot of lovers of comedy have been,
Speaker 3: but I went on a deep dive with you when
Speaker 3: I knew that I was speaking to you, and like
Speaker 3: I said, your output is phenomenal, And now you've got
Speaker 3: the podcast ask Als or anything, which is great. And
Speaker 3: I've got a problem for you actually that I think.
Speaker 2: You can write you with.
Speaker 3: Oh you give actually astoundingly good advice.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you. Yeah, we try to cut through the bullshit.
Speaker 2: I just remember I appreciate that there's a show in
Speaker 2: the States and I don't know if it's global called
Speaker 2: love Line. It's not on anymore, and had doctor Drew Pinsky,
Speaker 2: who kind of became like a celebrity sex doctor. But
Speaker 2: I remember I would drive home from like like one
Speaker 2: in the morning from like the Irvine improv, which means
Speaker 2: nothing to the folks listening in Australia, but it's like
Speaker 2: an hour and a half away and you're on this
Speaker 2: big freeway and so you're just driving right. A lot
Speaker 2: of my LA comedy life was just driving at night
Speaker 2: back from gigs and I would listen to love Line
Speaker 2: where people would call in and they would be like, oh,
Speaker 2: and they give their like weird sexual question and doctor
Speaker 2: Drew was so adept at being like giving super incisive advice.
Speaker 2: Someone would say like, so, my girl and I don't
Speaker 2: really haveing sexy's like she has herpes, Like she is
Speaker 2: so good at kind of when I was like, I
Speaker 2: love that, like just having enough knowledge about people or
Speaker 2: medicine to the second someone starts being like, actually, that's bullshit.
Speaker 2: Here's what it is, like you have a genital disorder.
Speaker 2: And so I try to bring that to my podcast
Speaker 2: when like someone's talking. I'm just like, no, you actually
Speaker 2: hate your best friend? You hear, That's what it is.
Speaker 2: So I've been there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, are you very therapist?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: Oh, because once again it's it's you. You really have
Speaker 3: kind of a broad, a broad and deep understanding of
Speaker 3: the psyche of people.
Speaker 2: I do, and I my education comes from hours and
Speaker 2: hours and hours of scrolling through Instagram. Really, and it's no,
Speaker 2: it's I think there's empathy involved, and I have a
Speaker 2: burning need to know why things are the way that
Speaker 2: they are. And a big part of Different Animal and
Speaker 2: my comedy in general is not just accepting men and
Speaker 2: women are different. Like I really need to know in
Speaker 2: the science behind why we do the things that we do,
Speaker 2: because I need to know more about what I'm doing
Speaker 2: on this planet, and I need to know the facts,
Speaker 2: not the feelings, which I know the Internet doesn't love,
Speaker 2: but like I deeply need the scientific reasons and the
Speaker 2: sociological reasons. So that drives me, and I can't find
Speaker 2: them in comedy, so I do it myself because I
Speaker 2: would know that I would have liked those answers from someone, right.
Speaker 3: So, at what point did you realize, and particularly with
Speaker 3: the stuff about women, and you know the many characters
Speaker 3: that all there's a door opening behind you.
Speaker 1: Oh was that a husband?
Speaker 2: Oh no, oh.
Speaker 1: No, noah.
Speaker 2: Oh she's saying, okay, well, I don't want to eat.
Speaker 1: He's a coke. He's a chef.
Speaker 2: He's a chef and he's and he's doing the cook
Speaker 2: or the photo shoot.
Speaker 4: I know you can't hear it. Come down, Hello, hold on,
Speaker 4: com here? Hellos eating the rice ball? Hello, they're doing
Speaker 4: there's like eight people in our house. They're doing the
Speaker 4: photo shoot for his cookbook.
Speaker 1: For a second, Oh, what's the coke?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a it's a grilling, it's a family grilling cook.
Speaker 2: It's a ha habat chi sort of yeah, but not
Speaker 2: specifically about this sounds like a very non American podcast.
Speaker 3: The bag, Yeah, that's your my my accent is a
Speaker 3: dad give away.
Speaker 2: You'll indeed give away, all right?
Speaker 1: What a trace though.
Speaker 2: It's so cute. The cook comes out next summer because
Speaker 2: he comes because they're cooking all day, so we'll come
Speaker 2: in and just hand me something. And you'ven seeing his
Speaker 2: heartbreak when I'm like, I don't want a portobella mushroom
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 3: No tiring because when people look cooking for I've got
Speaker 3: a girlfriend who's done several cookbooks, and it involves in
Speaker 3: cooking foods that are very strange at strange times of
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, Like it's ten am. He's like, we're
Speaker 2: having steak tartar or whatever. I guess you wouldn't grow that.
Speaker 2: But it's just like a Porterhouse steak cut up. And
Speaker 2: so it's just us. We let our friends know. Hey,
Speaker 2: they're doing, you know, fourteen days of cooking. We've got
Speaker 2: food stylists, photographers, like everyone's here, the houses upside down,
Speaker 2: and we just have people coming over, like with containers
Speaker 2: to take home, like a bunch of carnea soada, because
Speaker 2: we can't eat all that.
Speaker 1: But you want to snack now, I would have loved
Speaker 1: to tried what he was cooking.
Speaker 3: Anyway, you can grab a quick one because after this shortbreak,
Speaker 3: we'll hear all about how Eliza made her chef hobby noah,
Speaker 3: because you both got these like big live. How did
Speaker 3: you mate?
Speaker 2: We met on a dating app?
Speaker 3: Oh? Really, that's it? It would baby, it worked? And
Speaker 3: what did he say? And what did you say?
Speaker 2: I don't remember. And we often talk about how we
Speaker 2: wish we could have like we could go back and
Speaker 2: see those conversations. But I do remember on the app
Speaker 2: him just being really easy to talk to. There was
Speaker 2: no attitude, he wasn't too cool, and he really was funny,
Speaker 2: which is very hard to do. It's not even so
Speaker 2: much about me being a comedian, but like over text
Speaker 2: and like his heart came through, like he was just
Speaker 2: funny and he is very funny. And I was just like,
Speaker 2: this seems great. And from the second I met him,
Speaker 2: it was just it felt easy and comfortable. People always
Speaker 2: talk about when you meet someone you get like butterflies,
Speaker 2: and I was like I had the opposite. I was like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, I feel like I've known you my
Speaker 2: whole life. You seem like someone I grew up with.
Speaker 2: Like it was just like it was weird that we
Speaker 2: didn't know each other's whole stories because it felt like
Speaker 2: we have known each other for years and so that
Speaker 2: was it.
Speaker 3: And what did you make in La because you were
Speaker 3: originally from taking Weirder?
Speaker 1: Oh, I know, I thought that was impossible.
Speaker 2: Well it people do it. And you know he always
Speaker 2: says people always say people from LA are the worst
Speaker 2: or they're weird. He's like, no, because he's from La.
Speaker 2: He's like, you guys are the weird ones, the ones
Speaker 2: who move here.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they choose it. They choose it.
Speaker 2: But just to take away from the wholesomeness, basically, we
Speaker 2: went out. He had a broken hand, I think from
Speaker 2: like playing basketball, and I was like, oh, you have
Speaker 2: a cast on your arm. Did they give you pain
Speaker 2: killers for that? He was like yeah, I feel like
Speaker 2: Australians like can't relate to this. And he was like yeah,
Speaker 2: why And I was like, can.
Speaker 1: We go get can we have them?
Speaker 2: And so we took them and like got a bunch
Speaker 2: of drinks and it was great.
Speaker 1: Oh, I love it. Yeah, and now you've got two kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now, and now we have two kids. From painkillers
Speaker 2: to there's nothing else with a p to diaper pails,
Speaker 2: I guess, And it's great. My son just turned one
Speaker 2: a couple of days ago, and my daughter's three, and
Speaker 2: I'm having the best time.
Speaker 3: And I love that because so much of your comedy
Speaker 3: has been about you know, dating, travails and basically a
Speaker 3: woman navigating life. Yeah. Yeah, and there is a sense
Speaker 3: that men obviously don't have the same time imperative, biological imperative,
Speaker 3: that you just really got everything that you deserved, which
Speaker 3: is nice to say.
Speaker 2: I appreciate that, you know, I don't know. I feel
Speaker 2: like obviously women have less time to do the things
Speaker 2: quote unquote expected or required. But I also think life
Speaker 2: is about priorities and what you prioritize, and like I
Speaker 2: prioritized my career and having a family, and while other
Speaker 2: people may have prioritized other parts of their careers or making,
Speaker 2: you know, networking or traveling, you know, and part of
Speaker 2: my job is traveling. But it's it's hard to talk
Speaker 2: about any of these things because to assert who you
Speaker 2: are and what you have for a lot of women
Speaker 2: feels like a condemnation of these choices they did or
Speaker 2: didn't make, yes, And I think that that's a huge
Speaker 2: stumbling block because it all stems from insecurity. And if
Speaker 2: you want to know why it looks like I have everything,
Speaker 2: it's because I have full time help. Like, do not
Speaker 2: get it twisted, like we have a Jamaican nanny living
Speaker 2: with us and another nanny that helps with my daughter.
Speaker 2: The answer is other women, that's how you have it all? Yay.
Speaker 3: So, of course, of course, which is and that is
Speaker 3: I think I mean would that everyone we're in a
Speaker 3: position to do that, sure, but.
Speaker 2: Even to say you have it, then people are like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: isn't that nice? And it's like, we'll make no mistake
Speaker 2: about it. Like the money that I make is what
Speaker 2: I spent, Like I spend it on these nannies. There's
Speaker 2: no inheritance, there's no additional like, it's all me, and
Speaker 2: so that money is spent on that instead of driving whatever.
Speaker 2: A Bugatti. Yeah right, I took that car. And again
Speaker 2: it's all about priorities. But I knew before we had children.
Speaker 2: I was like, I am not giving up doing stand
Speaker 2: up and pursuing all the other dreams I have because
Speaker 2: of this. So I'm going to make both work. And
Speaker 2: it's going to be exhausting and it's going to be heartbreaking,
Speaker 2: but this is this is the way that I've chosen
Speaker 2: to do it.
Speaker 3: But how was it after, particularly after your daughter, because
Speaker 3: she was the first? Yeah, how was it when you
Speaker 3: went back to work after that? Because you know stuff
Speaker 3: that is, you know brain fog and la la, And
Speaker 3: I know when I went back to work, I was
Speaker 3: doing radio and it felt like there should have been
Speaker 3: a band playing a victory march.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: The first time I got out of the house.
Speaker 2: Oh right, So I can tell you not that I
Speaker 2: remember most of it, but I can tell you that
Speaker 2: I went back too soon. And I only know that
Speaker 2: because my manager reminded me when I gave birth to
Speaker 2: my son. She was like, you went back too soon,
Speaker 2: and you said you were so unhappy. Oh, And I
Speaker 2: don't remember that, but I remember just thinking about her
Speaker 2: and missing her. And so you're pumping and you're storing
Speaker 2: the milk, and you're bringing the cooler and then you're
Speaker 2: bringing it home, you know, because I wasn't going to
Speaker 2: bring her and disrupt her little routine. And so when
Speaker 2: I had Ethan, I took a little bit of extra time.
Speaker 2: But and I know that nobody really wants to talk
Speaker 2: about this, you know, outside of a news show. But
Speaker 2: in the wake of what happened on October seventh, I
Speaker 2: found myself defending my presence on this planet as a
Speaker 2: Jewish person and having to feel a lot of anti
Speaker 2: Semitism because I chose to speak out against violence against
Speaker 2: Jews as a pregnant woman and as a postpartum woman
Speaker 2: who also had severe postpartum depression. Oh it was yeah,
Speaker 2: and I didn't know it. I just felt really bad
Speaker 2: and breastfeeding felt really bad, compounded by being told you
Speaker 2: don't deserve to live, your family doesn't deserve to live,
Speaker 2: like on a daily basis. Because I was choosing to
Speaker 2: speak out. It took a therapist, so I haven't done
Speaker 2: a toime therapy, but I did seek out like a
Speaker 2: postpartum therapist, and it took another woman saying to me, like,
Speaker 2: that's a lot to engage with, like you might want
Speaker 2: to just set that down because you're just like an
Speaker 2: open wound and you're taking in a lot of really
Speaker 2: negative energy. And it was pretty awful. And the brain
Speaker 2: fog Israel and I do talk about that in this
Speaker 2: special just why you have mom brain and you can
Speaker 2: want to specially for it, and how it is a
Speaker 2: scientific thing. You're not some selfish woman who only cares
Speaker 2: about her kid. And I carry it with me even
Speaker 2: now this is a year later, and like the things
Speaker 2: I forget, mid sentence, I was like, I guess I'll
Speaker 2: just I guess I'll just float away in the sea
Speaker 2: because I'm not a functioning person who can count to ten.
Speaker 1: Well, I've got four kids and I oh my.
Speaker 3: God, yeah, yeah, I've become the person that says the
Speaker 3: name of every single person in the house. That's right
Speaker 3: before I lie on the person that I'm referring to.
Speaker 3: Even sometimes I do it to the dog.
Speaker 2: Oh, and that's in the special, and it was funny.
Speaker 2: It's only in becoming a mom that you realize all
Speaker 2: the things that you need to be forgiven for. For
Speaker 2: making fun of your mom and all the times you
Speaker 2: call your mom you're so dumb, like this woman. All
Speaker 2: she wants is for you to be happy and healthy,
Speaker 2: and you're just like, Oh, you said my brother's name,
Speaker 2: not my.
Speaker 1: Name, idiot. It's funny speaking of dogs. Blanche reap rip Blanche.
Speaker 2: You all over this office. And here's Tianfoo.
Speaker 1: She's actually right here, Oh, tian fos.
Speaker 2: It's great for all the people listening for the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh no, it's beautiful.
Speaker 3: We want to see all aspects we've seen you hate Darlin,
Speaker 3: hate Darlan. So I saw a lot of you and
Speaker 3: Blanche as a lot of enjoys of you did. But
Speaker 3: it was before I had a dog myself. Oh, I've
Speaker 3: only had a dog for a year and a half.
Speaker 3: That I got through my eldest son and his girlfriend right. Strangely,
Speaker 3: but your lovingness towards your dog was always a very
Speaker 3: was like a gateway into you. And the fact that
Speaker 3: you opened yourself up in an era when I don't
Speaker 3: want to say celebrity, because you're not really that celebrity. No, no,
Speaker 3: but do you know what I mean? That tendency to
Speaker 3: close yourself down and to close your world off and
Speaker 3: to protect parts of yourself, which is understandable. You seem
Speaker 3: to do this thing where you cleave yourself open, where
Speaker 3: you're like, come look at this this special that I saw,
Speaker 3: which was one of the best specials I've ever seen,
Speaker 3: which is actually about you making your special and you
Speaker 3: did the military show and it was all about you
Speaker 3: putting the show in the documentary.
Speaker 2: Yes, great, You're the only person who's ever mentioned it
Speaker 2: to me thinks.
Speaker 3: It's actually extraordinary if people are interested in comedy, I
Speaker 3: heartily recommend it.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: But when you were doing that, I was struck by
Speaker 3: a couple of things. One that you make up your
Speaker 3: material in front of a live audience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's incredible.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I thank you. I'm like blown away that somebody
Speaker 2: said that, thank you. I just do the writing on stage.
Speaker 2: You find it on stage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So what does that mean mean?
Speaker 3: If you've got a period like when you've had when
Speaker 3: you're having your kids or you're pregnant or your postpart
Speaker 3: or whatever, and you're not doing the spots.
Speaker 1: Where's the material coming from?
Speaker 2: I don't know. It is something that I don't ever
Speaker 2: sure myself to come up with anything, because you're allowed
Speaker 2: to have sort of latent periods where you don't generate anything,
Speaker 2: Like I'll take a six week trip and be like,
Speaker 2: I wrote zero jokes about that, right, It's okay to
Speaker 2: just take like to be in an intake period and
Speaker 2: because you're processing it subconsciously whether you realize it or not.
Speaker 2: So I'll have a thought and I'll kind of like
Speaker 2: jot it down and then I compile them all and
Speaker 2: I will find a very small show and I'll just
Speaker 2: kind of read like keywords and I'll just kind of
Speaker 2: come across it and express myself in that way. And
Speaker 2: so perhaps that's that's just the way that I work,
Speaker 2: is that it has to come out of me, like
Speaker 2: I find the words on stage, and I base it
Speaker 2: off of everyone else's energy. And as far as the
Speaker 2: love for the dogs goes for my dogs, I mean,
Speaker 2: everybody loves their dogs, and I got Blanche. At a
Speaker 2: time when I was alone on the road, I just
Speaker 2: started touring and I was like, well, I'm want to
Speaker 2: have a dog with me, no one else. I'm going
Speaker 2: to get eat alive for this. But nobody else had
Speaker 2: their dog. Now subsequently, everybody brings their dog. But I
Speaker 2: was the first one lying to the airlines of those
Speaker 2: like just I smuggled her on. This is before everyone
Speaker 2: had like an emotional animal support paperwork that no one
Speaker 2: has anymore. But I just loved her so much because
Speaker 2: she was my everything. She was my boyfriend, she was
Speaker 2: my best friend. She was with me, And I think
Speaker 2: that's really great for girls or anyone really, especially when
Speaker 2: you're single, to have this thing to take care of,
Speaker 2: because it's something else besides you, a reason to go
Speaker 2: home or reason to to do a lot of things
Speaker 2: because you're taking care of this animal. And I really
Speaker 2: just believe you have to find things in the world
Speaker 2: that you love so much, and the more that you're
Speaker 2: open about how much you love those things, the more
Speaker 2: it like lights of fire and other people, and it
Speaker 2: inspires other people. I didn't do it. I didn't want
Speaker 2: her to. I didn't care if she was famous. We
Speaker 2: think it any brand deals. I just think I love
Speaker 2: my things so much, and I love to share the
Speaker 2: things that I love simply because I love them. Iced
Speaker 2: coffee included, yes, geez.
Speaker 3: Because Blanche loved the stage so much that you would
Speaker 3: be playing these amazing, these huge, huge like auditoriums and
Speaker 3: theaters and she would trot out on at the end
Speaker 3: of your set kind of to say thanks guys.
Speaker 2: Okay, So the dirty secret was there was a piece
Speaker 2: of turkey being held at the other side, and she
Speaker 2: was so ravenous. She would just like see it and
Speaker 2: she would make a beeline. But she was okay with it,
Speaker 2: and she was used to it. She just knew she
Speaker 2: was going to get that chicken at the end of it.
Speaker 3: Well, I thought, how extraordinary does she realize the relationship
Speaker 3: that you have with your fans, because a big thing
Speaker 3: that I know, much like in like having a dog companion,
Speaker 3: you were kind of it was foundational in your relationship
Speaker 3: with your fans that they started making you like gifts, Yeah,
Speaker 3: bringing you toys and little lego figurines of yourself.
Speaker 2: And I mean this is just one that was near
Speaker 2: somebody painted this. Who they're all all behind me. I mean,
Speaker 2: you're absolutely right. There was something about and she was
Speaker 2: a beautiful dog, but like how consumed I was with
Speaker 2: loving her, she became part of the lure of whatever
Speaker 2: the fantasy world I created, whether it's a party goblin
Speaker 2: or a she dragon. And I think people like to
Speaker 2: be invited in to the world that I create, and
Speaker 2: I need them because who wants to create a world
Speaker 2: and be in it by yourself? And so it was
Speaker 2: like this sort of ongoing living piece of art that
Speaker 2: I'm still in with my fans, where I create the comedy,
Speaker 2: then they digest it and give back to me drawings, letters, paintings, whatever.
Speaker 2: And to me, it's such an expression of love to
Speaker 2: be like I saw what you loved, and I made
Speaker 2: you something that I thought you would love because I
Speaker 2: loved it.
Speaker 1: It is.
Speaker 2: Exactly And I you know, I think we live in
Speaker 2: a world of consumption endless, like just buying, rebuying, Sheenhaul's clicking, wiking,
Speaker 2: moving on, scrolling. So when people actually stop not only
Speaker 2: buy a ticket to come and see me, but make
Speaker 2: and by the by no means, is this a requisite?
Speaker 1: You can just show you don't need to bring a gift.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm like, where am I mitten. But it's just
Speaker 2: truly never lost on me that people take their time
Speaker 2: and their money to make me a drawing or write
Speaker 2: me a card, or make me a gift bag, and
Speaker 2: it will have all these inside jokes in it. And
Speaker 2: it's this like little world that has been created by
Speaker 2: my fans that actually I get to live in, and
Speaker 2: it's it's a very special thing.
Speaker 3: So, you know, because you are involved in this, a
Speaker 3: lot of women in particular, I think we'll identify with
Speaker 3: this output of energy regardless of what happens on stage,
Speaker 3: but in life, out output of energy. You're looking after
Speaker 3: other people, you're loving people, You're trying to look after yourself,
Speaker 3: You're trying to be the best you can be.
Speaker 1: How do you replenish your energy stores?
Speaker 2: I probably couldn't have answered this like a year ago,
Speaker 2: because I think I was always pretty bad at it.
Speaker 3: But I.
Speaker 2: Try to spend time with my children, and I know
Speaker 2: for a lot of women that takes away your energy.
Speaker 2: But if I'm ever in a place where I'm really
Speaker 2: angry about something, whether it's frustrated with work or the world,
Speaker 2: just having this beaming little child in the other room,
Speaker 2: it's kind of like a neurological reset. I always make
Speaker 2: time to work out, and then I found pilates after
Speaker 2: Sierra was born, and it's something that I enjoy doing.
Speaker 2: I love the results, So I carve out that time
Speaker 2: and I've been trying to when I can, because Lord knows,
Speaker 2: I have enough mornings that are crazy. Have a slow morning,
Speaker 2: and sometimes you don't work out, but just like really
Speaker 2: like drink the coffee and just kind of be. I
Speaker 2: think we don't ever get enough time to, like sit
Speaker 2: in your living room that you paid for with the
Speaker 2: creativity and love that you have for comedy, but I
Speaker 2: have and just kind of sit and sometimes you scroll
Speaker 2: on your phone, sometimes you don't. But just being in
Speaker 2: the house that you paid for, surrounded by the things
Speaker 2: you paid for, without an obligation to go anywhere for
Speaker 2: a morning is a very calmon thing. And I know
Speaker 2: that sounds small, and it's not, you know, rock climbing
Speaker 2: and painting and all the things that I'm supposed to
Speaker 2: do and have like a real hobby. But for me,
Speaker 2: it really is the little things. I very much look
Speaker 2: forward to, mundane mom things like taking my daughter to
Speaker 2: gymnastics or stuff, just because I cannot believe that she's
Speaker 2: here on this planet. I tried to like get so
Speaker 2: this is. I tried to get like spiritual with her.
Speaker 2: This morning, she was taking a dump on the toilet
Speaker 2: and I laid down on the carpet in her room
Speaker 2: and I looked and I was like, Seerah, can I
Speaker 2: ask you a question? She was like uh huh, and
Speaker 2: she's like grunting out a poop and I was like,
Speaker 2: do you remember Heaven? And like, I think there's that
Speaker 2: part as a mom where you're hoping she'll be like
Speaker 2: I do, There's a beautiful place where there's no pain,
Speaker 2: and she was just like she just goes like ah no,
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, we don't get spiritual.
Speaker 3: Well, it is funny because there is that period, particularly
Speaker 3: with I don't know if you breastfit or not, but
Speaker 3: when in the night when I would be breastfeeding one
Speaker 3: of the children, you know, they do those really weird
Speaker 3: things when they're babies where they look like they're looking
Speaker 3: at someone in the room who's over your shoulder, and
Speaker 3: you know there's that school of thought that they because
Speaker 3: they've come so freshly from wherever they've come, they're still
Speaker 3: connected to it. So if you had said to me
Speaker 3: that she said yes, and I saw you know gran.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I was hoping for, not
Speaker 2: really hooping a little bit more.
Speaker 3: Maybe, but maybe maybe we're victim blaming here. Maybe asking
Speaker 3: him while she's pooping is not is not the ideal time.
Speaker 2: Well, it was no time I get her sit still. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I was like, do you remember heaven?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I mean I think that all these things are possibilities,
Speaker 2: and of course the time when they would remember that
Speaker 2: is the time that they can't talk. But I think,
Speaker 2: you know, for someone like me that travels as much
Speaker 2: as I do and works, and it's not to say
Speaker 2: other people don't this, still, I've come to appreciate the
Speaker 2: stillness of the nothingness for a little bit, whether it's
Speaker 2: just rearranging your bathroom or putting your clothes away nicely.
Speaker 2: Because I was on the road for and am, but
Speaker 2: was on the road for so much of my life.
Speaker 2: Like I remember in my twenties and thirties, I was
Speaker 2: just traveling Union and you're sick and you're doing shows,
Speaker 2: and I would just do shows like fifty weeks a
Speaker 2: year or something because it's not like nowhere else to go, Like,
Speaker 2: it's not like you're going home to your wife and kids.
Speaker 2: I would buy magazines like homemaking magazines around the holidays
Speaker 2: and just fantasize about like, well, when I have a
Speaker 2: real home with time to be in it, I'll decorate
Speaker 2: it this way. And I would just look at them
Speaker 2: and make Pinterest boards, just wanting like some of that
Speaker 2: warmth and blanche was there, which was great, but like, yeah,
Speaker 2: sometimes I've just stop and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: all the things that you thought about you have It
Speaker 2: wasn't about fantasizing about a family, but like the feeling
Speaker 2: of yeah, I just love doing mom stuff.
Speaker 3: But you know what, my when I think about that
Speaker 3: when I hear you say that, is that I think
Speaker 3: you created a vision board for yourself and you carried
Speaker 3: that around with you.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think.
Speaker 2: There could be some merit to that. I also think
Speaker 2: in the back of your mind. As women, I think
Speaker 2: there's just certain things that you know, Like I just
Speaker 2: knew one day I would have kids, and it wasn't
Speaker 2: I wasn't obsessed with it. I'd never talk about it.
Speaker 2: My mother never pressured me into having kids, and I
Speaker 2: knew I would get married a little bit later because
Speaker 2: my mom did and I knew i'd have kids a
Speaker 2: little bit later because my mom did. Like to me,
Speaker 2: it just seemed like it's something that's going to happen,
Speaker 2: and it just will and indeed I and it just did.
Speaker 2: And I don't know. Again, that's one of those things
Speaker 2: that's so fraught because then you have women who are like,
Speaker 2: I want a baby, I'm turning thirty eight. What you know,
Speaker 2: it's tough and it sucks, and it doesn't happen for everyone.
Speaker 3: But I do think now it's very difficult. And you
Speaker 3: touched on this earlier. It's difficult to talk about your
Speaker 3: own experience, Yeah, which you have to be able to
Speaker 3: do for your work. You have to be able to
Speaker 3: do that. It doesn't necessarily have any ramifications, implications, insinuations
Speaker 3: for the people that are listening about their life.
Speaker 1: Their choice is their situation.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that we're past that the way that
Speaker 2: we consume understanding in social media because and it really is,
Speaker 2: especially as a woman, and I almost want to say
Speaker 2: only for women, Like I said, my life choices, my
Speaker 2: affirmations are not an indicatetment on your choices. I think
Speaker 2: people get very sensitive, you know, if I'm like and
Speaker 2: I love doing pilates, and it's like, well, I'm some
Speaker 2: of us are overweight and can't. It's like, okay, well
Speaker 2: I didn't say you couldn't. Sometimes when women are strong
Speaker 2: or are just simply living their lives, people get insecure
Speaker 2: about that. I mean, we all do it. We all
Speaker 2: want to look at someone. If I look at a
Speaker 2: celebrity who's like, yeah, and I just drink lemon water
Speaker 2: and that's why I have glowing skin, and you're like, okay,
Speaker 2: it's also genetics and like a nine thousand dollars laser.
Speaker 1: Like sure it isn't.
Speaker 2: I do think we weaponize women's ability to simply state
Speaker 2: what works for them, and then what happens is women
Speaker 2: we get bogged down by having to qualify everything with oh,
Speaker 2: and by the way, like if this doesn't work for you,
Speaker 2: then that's that.
Speaker 1: And men don't have to do that.
Speaker 2: If I say I love being a mom, I shouldn't
Speaker 2: have to qualify it with Also, I have help that
Speaker 2: I pay for, Like yeah, we have all these stutter
Speaker 2: steps to lead up to the thing that is simply
Speaker 2: just as saying here's what I do, here's how I
Speaker 2: got here, here's how I live.
Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness. Okay, I that is so true.
Speaker 3: Yeah, men don't do that. Men don't go oh, I
Speaker 3: love my kids. Sorry, if you haven't been able to
Speaker 3: have kids, I'm checking my privilege.
Speaker 1: I know that men never do that. That's a woman's racket.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And you know, we as women, when we qualify things,
Speaker 2: it is all out of a fear of being called
Speaker 2: a bitch. It's all out of a fear of being
Speaker 2: called out of touch or this or that. But the
Speaker 2: truth is people are going to have those critiques and
Speaker 2: those criticisms no matter what you do. Like I am
Speaker 2: simply saying, like I work really hard, and I work
Speaker 2: a lot, and I like being with my kids, and
Speaker 2: I can just see I know that the types of
Speaker 2: response is that that can elicit. And then the other
Speaker 2: side of that argument is, well, don't worry about what
Speaker 2: people say, and it's like, I don't. What I'm worried
Speaker 2: about is people who think that they have the right
Speaker 2: to even come at me. Yeah, we're simply existing. That's
Speaker 2: the exhausting part.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Because also you're trying to anticipate way the breach
Speaker 3: will be, and then you're trying to fortify the breach
Speaker 3: before it happens. So you're living in a state of
Speaker 3: perpetual anticipation of something that hasn't happened, but you know
Speaker 3: will and it's.
Speaker 2: Designed that way. These things are designed that way so
Speaker 2: that you do make yourself smaller. Oh, I know that
Speaker 2: if I do this thing, I'm going to get called
Speaker 2: these names. So I won't put out this video, I
Speaker 2: won't go on that show. And so it is a
Speaker 2: constant practice to remind yourself like, no, I'm going to
Speaker 2: just keep showing up. And I guess the answer at
Speaker 2: the end of the day is don't read the comment section,
Speaker 2: which I definitely stop doing.
Speaker 1: I know, but sometimes it just sneaks up on you.
Speaker 2: It sneaks up on you. But yeah, I mean, I
Speaker 2: guess I'm endlessly floored by the simplest things and how
Speaker 2: it just really upsets people. And the answer is, it
Speaker 2: was never about what you did. It's about the fact
Speaker 2: that you did it right. It was never about you
Speaker 2: having kids. It was about the fact. It was never
Speaker 2: about what you said about your daughter. It's about the
Speaker 2: fact that you have a daughter. It was never about fact.
Speaker 2: It was never about the pants that I wore in
Speaker 2: a different animal. It's about the fact that I dared
Speaker 2: to as over forty where anything that might challenge your
Speaker 2: expectation of what a woman should be doing.
Speaker 3: But the people who love you enjoy that celebratory aspect
Speaker 3: of it, And so how do you find a way
Speaker 3: to lean into that and block it.
Speaker 1: I just have a.
Speaker 2: Sense of humor about it. I'm like, the pants are great.
Speaker 2: If you don't like him, that's like, I don't even
Speaker 2: talk about it if you don't like him. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 2: The fact is I did it, and it's done, and
Speaker 2: you can watch it. You cannot. I hope if you
Speaker 2: hate the pants you watch it anyway, It'll be aview.
Speaker 3: Someone said to me once I heard this story once
Speaker 3: about and I think it was like a NASCAR driver
Speaker 3: or whatever, and for some reason, the crowd booed him,
Speaker 3: the crowd hated him. He was one of those villains.
Speaker 3: And his son, he had a teenage son who got really.
Speaker 1: Upset by it. And his dad said.
Speaker 3: To him, son, fifty of the crowd with you and
Speaker 3: fifty percent of the crowd against you.
Speaker 1: You've got one hundred percent of the crowd.
Speaker 2: Oh truer words.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I remember that all the time. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not always comforting, but it just is
Speaker 3: your pants have got one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Of the crowd we got. That clip has over thirteen
Speaker 2: million views on Instagram. It's like the most view clip
Speaker 2: on the Amazon Prime account. And it's funny you say
Speaker 2: that sad about one hundred percent of the audience. As
Speaker 2: a comic, the way we see it is if you
Speaker 2: have two thousand people in the audience and one isn't laughing,
Speaker 2: then you've lost. Yeah, yeah, and you're a piece of shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, it's easy.
Speaker 3: It's it's just that is so easy to focus on
Speaker 3: the exception. The rest of my conversation with the incredible
Speaker 3: Eliza Schlessinger after this short break, stay with us. Who
Speaker 3: are the people in your life that you draw from
Speaker 3: that you can fight in. That are you're like, aside
Speaker 3: from obviously your husband and the kids, but that are
Speaker 3: your like safe harbor, your shelter, the place where you
Speaker 3: go to refuel and restock.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 2: I have different friends for different things, Like my best
Speaker 2: friend not even positive what Michelle does but does not
Speaker 2: in Hollywood. I'm not positive.
Speaker 1: Forever.
Speaker 2: It was like this girl went to like the London
Speaker 2: School of Economics. She worked for the government, like it's
Speaker 2: it's that, it's that it's stuff I couldn't do. And
Speaker 2: so when I really want to complain about something, maybe
Speaker 2: about my family or like a personal thing that has
Speaker 2: nothing to do with work, I will call her like
Speaker 2: it is like we're both walking our dogs and I'm like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, and listen, and my brother did this,
Speaker 2: and like she understands that. So that to like purge
Speaker 2: myself with that and talk about things that are like
Speaker 2: just like best friends, like bullshit, who cares and just
Speaker 2: or she'll call about one of her relatives, like the
Speaker 2: deliciousness of unpacking and analyzing and like throwing around the
Speaker 2: word narcissist as if he had.
Speaker 1: I don't even know what that would means. Now, by
Speaker 1: the way, well I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2: Most people are incorrectly diagnosed as such. But everybody has
Speaker 2: access to therapy podcasts, and so everybody we've like pathologized,
Speaker 2: anyone that might anyone in anything that might bump for
Speaker 2: you is now show slighting or whatever. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 2: a really sad part of It's a really sad side
Speaker 2: of women.
Speaker 3: I said gas lighting to my husband the other day,
Speaker 3: and he got really angry.
Speaker 1: He went, I never want to hear that wood. That's
Speaker 1: a wood that well.
Speaker 2: Sometimes men don't like being told, being called out on
Speaker 2: the thing that they're doing.
Speaker 3: I don't think he has exception. He takes exception to
Speaker 3: the fact that he does it. He just doesn't like
Speaker 3: that term. It's not you saying the beat in your
Speaker 3: show about patriarchy, Like there's some words a lot.
Speaker 2: He's like, just I'm trying to work with you. That's
Speaker 2: what it is, not guess fighting you. There's no full guests.
Speaker 2: I have different bucket people for different things, and I
Speaker 2: actually keep a small circle and everyone's allowed in it.
Speaker 2: I'm not like a social butterfly, but I'm a very
Speaker 2: loyal friend and I'm very I like to let people in.
Speaker 2: But if you annoy me, like it's over. And so
Speaker 2: I have a lot of special women in my life
Speaker 2: that I know I convent to about certain things, and
Speaker 2: I only keep people in my life. Is what I
Speaker 2: mean to say that make me feel good. I don't
Speaker 2: do the like I have a friend and she's always
Speaker 2: saying rude things like the amount that women suffer interfriend wise,
Speaker 2: like with their friend group, to me is a very
Speaker 2: foreign thing. Like if if I feel like it's not
Speaker 2: like a reciprocal relationship, like end it. And I give
Speaker 2: that advice on my podcast all the time, like this
Speaker 2: life is too short to have friends that make you
Speaker 2: anxious or make you feel bad about yourself, or like
Speaker 2: make you feel like you're not the main character your
Speaker 2: own story. And so I think anyone that's in my
Speaker 2: life is someone that I could turn to with any problem,
Speaker 2: male or female.
Speaker 1: Okay, I want to ask Eliza anything.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm ready, Just so people know listening. People write
Speaker 2: into my podcast with all questions about anything from my
Speaker 2: parents don't like that, my girlfriend is gay, I got
Speaker 2: a weird boyfriend. I've got a weird bridesmaid. My boss
Speaker 2: is half a monkey. So we get advice everything.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 3: So I've got a girlfriend, and this is reminiscent of
Speaker 3: like one of my favorite things that you do, the
Speaker 3: party goblin. But I've got a girlfriend who is I'm
Speaker 3: going to call her a party bully.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: And what I mean is she's great. I love her.
Speaker 3: She's so fun and she's so you know, she throws
Speaker 3: parties and she's always like planning things. But because she's
Speaker 3: separated and so she half the time she doesn't have
Speaker 3: her kids, so she has a very different looking week
Speaker 3: than I have. And she's always like, now she's started
Speaker 3: doing this thing where like you meet her someone, she's like,
Speaker 3: you're better of Ubered, You're better of Ubered.
Speaker 1: You better not have driven.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I've got to get up, but I've
Speaker 3: got to get up at quarter past five and take
Speaker 3: two boys to basketball practice.
Speaker 1: Anyway, She's like, so a few.
Speaker 3: Of us realize that we're all having the same experience
Speaker 3: with her. Yeah, I don't know, dear Aaliza, I don't
Speaker 3: know what to do.
Speaker 2: Do you what do you want to do? You want
Speaker 2: to do? Like in terms of you know, she's going
Speaker 2: to be like that, your friend is having a renaissance.
Speaker 2: Your friend is separated, Yeah, and she is using her
Speaker 2: friends to replace the partner that she had, So you
Speaker 2: are filling that gap for all the things she would
Speaker 2: have done with her husband. Right, So she has this
Speaker 2: free time, and she has free time without the kids,
Speaker 2: and she wants to party, and this is normal when
Speaker 2: women get a divorce. It's like, all right, well I'm
Speaker 2: back on the market, let's go. But you're not in
Speaker 2: that place, so it's not fun for you, and you
Speaker 2: wouldn't even mind if she was like that. You don't like,
Speaker 2: like you said, the bullying. Yeah, And what it does
Speaker 2: is it makes you anxious because now you're like, okay, well,
Speaker 2: are you gonna like give me shit about this? If
Speaker 2: the whole time we're together, I'm supposed to be getting drunk.
Speaker 2: You need to tell her that. You need to tell
Speaker 2: her that the amount that women don't just like say
Speaker 2: the thing, and I can't say I'm always great at it.
Speaker 2: You need to be like, what's her.
Speaker 3: Name, Oh yeah, Jasmine, you.
Speaker 2: Just sit down with her. I know you don't do it.
Speaker 2: You don't want it.
Speaker 3: We're all scared because oh she had a party recently
Speaker 3: and three of us caught each other's sneaking out of
Speaker 3: the house.
Speaker 1: I mean, you.
Speaker 2: Gotta get good if the Irish goodbye, and a lot
Speaker 2: of people do it from social anxiety of not wanting
Speaker 2: to be like, okay, by we're too old to give
Speaker 2: each other shit for leaving, Like we're just too old
Speaker 2: for that, Like that's what you do in your twenties
Speaker 2: when you need your girl there because you want to
Speaker 2: talk to a guy. You don't allow it. You just
Speaker 2: leave and if she gives you shit, be like, what
Speaker 2: are you giving me shit for? Like make her say it.
Speaker 2: If she's like, where are you going, you'd be like,
Speaker 2: I can't. I have to take my sons to basketball.
Speaker 2: What do you want me to do? And like let
Speaker 2: her say to you like how I was hoping you'd
Speaker 2: get blasted with me on a Wednesday?
Speaker 1: Yes, exactly exactly. Her party goblin is strong?
Speaker 2: Is she is it like that when she's drunk or
Speaker 2: when she's sober, because she's.
Speaker 3: Not when she's sober, and when she's drunk it gets
Speaker 3: even more so.
Speaker 2: She's insecure and she's sad.
Speaker 1: Mm.
Speaker 2: She's a little set one hundred percent.
Speaker 3: And that's why we're not going to speak the truth
Speaker 3: to her, because this is not the time at which
Speaker 3: she can handle the truth.
Speaker 2: You don't have to speak the truth insofar as you
Speaker 2: don't have to say like we're feeling the filling in
Speaker 2: the space where your loving husband used to be and
Speaker 2: you're trying to reclaim your twenties, your truth can be
Speaker 2: I just want you to know, like, I love seeing
Speaker 2: you hang out with you, but it puts it makes
Speaker 2: me feel anxious because you always want me to party more,
Speaker 2: and I want you to like I'm giving you all
Speaker 2: that I have. Yeah, you could say that it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to you don't have to do the psychology of like,
Speaker 2: here's what we're replacing in your life. But you can
Speaker 2: be like it makes it unfun for me because it
Speaker 2: makes it feel like it wasn't enough that I came
Speaker 2: to this party, and I promise you, like I'm saying,
Speaker 2: as late as I can, but I can't always stay,
Speaker 2: or you do what I actually would do. I would
Speaker 2: let her spin those wheels and then I would just
Speaker 2: leave whenever I want and not answer the phone. What's
Speaker 2: she gonna do? Not be friends with you?
Speaker 1: She needs you, her husband's gone, I know, say, I know,
Speaker 1: say she can't remember.
Speaker 2: That's on your side, her alcoholism that you could do that.
Speaker 2: She's never gonna call you tomorrow and be like why
Speaker 2: did you leave? It's in the moment. She wants people
Speaker 2: around her, and this breaks my heart because she's lonely
Speaker 2: and she wants to create a party. And I get that,
Speaker 2: but you need to just be okay with like, I'm
Speaker 2: just leaving and it is what it is like knowing
Speaker 2: you can just accept how she is and then just
Speaker 2: move on from there because you're not. I'm not going
Speaker 2: to be able to change it unless you do want
Speaker 2: to have that talk. I've given you three options.
Speaker 1: Very just you're an option factory. I feel bad for her,
Speaker 1: Yes so do I.
Speaker 3: And actually she's divine and I really respect the party
Speaker 3: throws because you know, after a certain age, people start.
Speaker 1: Going, I'm going to have a milestone birthday. They don't
Speaker 1: have parties.
Speaker 3: Remember in your twenties, you'd like have a party because
Speaker 3: you had got a new couch or yeah, you know.
Speaker 1: And I love her, I love her further some sort
Speaker 1: of social celebration.
Speaker 2: Then I think it's just the good with the bad.
Speaker 2: I do feel like as women were always trying to
Speaker 2: like tweak our friends, like she'd be great if she
Speaker 2: just did this, like we're all whole people and for
Speaker 2: all of those great things, Like this is like the weird,
Speaker 2: desperate kind of party goblin side of her. So let
Speaker 2: her say it, let her be mad about the ubering,
Speaker 2: and you can just be like I didn't. Can I
Speaker 2: still stay like you can just meet it with honesty,
Speaker 2: be like I did my best. She's like, I'm just kidding,
Speaker 2: I'm just pulling your lady, and then leave, let her
Speaker 2: go fall into a punch bowl.
Speaker 1: Just leave.
Speaker 2: What's she gonna do? Not be friends with you? No
Speaker 2: I needs you?
Speaker 1: Was that an Australian partty goblin?
Speaker 2: It was? It was? I have to like think about it.
Speaker 2: I lived for New Ze. I lived in New Zealand
Speaker 2: for a month, and I got really good at their accent.
Speaker 2: But you can only have one in your head.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it's slightly different.
Speaker 1: The New Zealand excent is slightly different.
Speaker 2: It's smaller, it's really small, and it's squished down. And
Speaker 2: but a Sydney accent is it almost sounds like a
Speaker 2: southern head an Australian accent, like the Sydney is like
Speaker 2: a twangy accent.
Speaker 1: Yeah, go on, you got it.
Speaker 2: Maybe Melbourne's more in the front.
Speaker 1: Oh come on, I look at you. It's like Eliza
Speaker 1: too Little.
Speaker 2: I got my name from that from my fair lady. Actually,
Speaker 2: did you? I did? Now I can't stop doing it.
Speaker 2: I have watched my fair share of katherin Kim.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: They'll be very thrilled by that, as we all will.
Speaker 3: And also I saw, you know the thing about your
Speaker 3: fans giving you gifts. I saw they give you tim tams,
Speaker 3: And I'm like what does he's done that? Oh?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, so one of our best friends is named
Speaker 2: uh Was and he's Australian, and so he introduced me
Speaker 2: to those years ago, and then I would go to Australia,
Speaker 2: load up and now I'm good. But it is always
Speaker 2: it's always a delight to go down there, yes, and
Speaker 2: be there with the people.
Speaker 1: Was that your mate?
Speaker 3: Well, Eliza Schlessinger, your tim Tams and your world of weights.
Speaker 3: When you join us, I think in April you're going
Speaker 3: to be all ouse.
Speaker 2: I will be there April twentieth, twenty second and twenty fourth.
Speaker 2: I'm coming down for a proper flat white.
Speaker 1: And when you're in Melbourne, you've got to order a magic.
Speaker 2: Oh I have a huge coffee person. It's a magic.
Speaker 3: A magic is like a double restretto and it's got
Speaker 3: like less milk.
Speaker 1: It's stunning.
Speaker 2: Is that it's an espresso though? Yeah? Yeah, let me
Speaker 2: let me tell you the secret.
Speaker 1: Okay, Oh hang on, this is big talk, little.
Speaker 2: It's not a secret. It's an admission. As an American,
Speaker 2: I travel a lot. I want to go to your country.
Speaker 2: I want to do the customs, want to ether thing.
Speaker 2: There are ways that I crave a cup of drip coffee,
Speaker 2: and the whole world is like, oh, you mean espresso
Speaker 2: and you want shitty cups of shrip coffee.
Speaker 1: You want to know less cup.
Speaker 2: It's so hard, and they'll be like, oh, an Americano, And
Speaker 2: I'm like, it's the one thing. It is hard because
Speaker 2: I don't like espresso, so it's hard for me.
Speaker 3: You're going to be wandering around with the best cafes
Speaker 3: in the world looking for a Starbucks never never never.
Speaker 2: But and I get it. I get that it's an
Speaker 2: American thing. Ris coffee is different and so but I
Speaker 2: just can't give myself over to espresso. I'm just not
Speaker 2: there yet.
Speaker 1: You'll get there, We'll get there. Yeah, you'll get.
Speaker 3: There, Eliza, because you've got first world experience with the
Speaker 3: brain fog and the subsequent kind of inertia and immobilizing
Speaker 3: that comes with it.
Speaker 1: If people are listening.
Speaker 3: And they feel that, what is what do you suggest
Speaker 3: for them.
Speaker 2: In terms of regaining creativity and momentum feeling better. I
Speaker 2: think people really overlook the importance of actually just doing something.
Speaker 2: Like when I was pregnant, like I still worked out,
Speaker 2: I still walk, like I still moved through the motions.
Speaker 2: So if you're a writer, still right, it doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be inspiring prophetic. You can just sit down and
Speaker 2: just for ten minutes for stand up. I get up
Speaker 2: there and even if I'm doing old jokes, you find
Speaker 2: little bits in there. So much of it truly is
Speaker 2: showing up. I really, you know, put on your sports brad,
Speaker 2: just get yourself into the gym. Even if you only
Speaker 2: did half, that's more than many could even do, which
Speaker 2: is kind of a theme that we started with at
Speaker 2: the beginning of this and giving yourself a break. You
Speaker 2: don't have to force it. And so that's my answer
Speaker 2: is a big part of my life. I think it
Speaker 2: was George Carlin that said, what is it eighty percent
Speaker 2: but ninety.
Speaker 1: Percent yew Business show?
Speaker 2: But what he means by that is like just putting
Speaker 2: yourself in the place and just doing a little bit,
Speaker 2: and that always begets more. And so I'm a big
Speaker 2: believer in at least going through the motions.
Speaker 3: Sometimes you've got to stop wanting or waiting to feel
Speaker 3: the impetus to do it, or like for working outs,
Speaker 3: don't wait to enjoy it.
Speaker 1: Just stop doing it.
Speaker 2: Just start doing it. To start moving your body, just
Speaker 2: start writing something down do something creative adjacent. I hate
Speaker 2: that I'm the person that's like take a walk, but
Speaker 2: like the word opens up or get into it and
Speaker 2: feel that misery and write it down. I have documents
Speaker 2: on my computer about times I felt really horrible. It
Speaker 2: sounds like I'm crying. I'm not power or something. It's
Speaker 2: all valid art, and so you don't have to You
Speaker 2: can just look at things with different lenses. But part
Speaker 2: of the practice of this art is knowing when to
Speaker 2: capture it and not dismissing thoughts as frivolous because they're
Speaker 2: coming through your head for a reason. Even if they're
Speaker 2: bad thoughts.
Speaker 3: Well, that's just life, isn't it, even beyond whatever your
Speaker 3: field of specialty is.
Speaker 2: Just show up, get in the car, put on the wig,
Speaker 2: the lipstick, just go. Nobody thinks you're as awful as
Speaker 2: you do.
Speaker 1: Where are we going? With the wig and the lipstick?
Speaker 1: Where are we going?
Speaker 2: It's very sexual, It's not a properb I don't always
Speaker 2: said where.
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing yourself with us when you're spent
Speaker 3: thank you? How great is Eliza? I mean, I've known
Speaker 3: a lot of comedians in my life and career, and
Speaker 3: what I find most remarkable about her is her ability
Speaker 3: to respond to the moment, to really be alive in
Speaker 3: it and improvise, almost like you can feel the wheels
Speaker 3: of her brain turning her half a person brain looking
Speaker 3: for the funny this whole time.
Speaker 1: And remember that's.
Speaker 3: The version of her that she considers half a person,
Speaker 3: the whole person in all her glory. Will be in
Speaker 3: Australia live in April, and we'll be popping all the
Speaker 3: links you need to get tickers in our show notes.
Speaker 3: And her new comedy special A Different Animal, which stars
Speaker 3: Eliza and her Pants, is coming out on Amazon this week.
Speaker 3: I got an early copy and trust me, you are
Speaker 3: going to love it. Oh.
Speaker 1: By the way, that documentary I mentioned is called Over
Speaker 1: and Over.
Speaker 3: I don't know why more people don't ask Eliza about
Speaker 3: it because it is actually brilliant and a real behind
Speaker 3: the scenes peep at how a comedian puts a show together.
Speaker 1: I highly recommend you check it out.
Speaker 3: The executive producer of No Filter is Nama Brown, Senior
Speaker 3: producer is Grace Rufrey. Sound design is by Jacob Brown,
Speaker 3: and I'm your host, kateline Brook. Back with you next week.