1 00:00:10,365 --> 00:00:13,125 Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. 2 00:00:13,885 --> 00:00:16,885 Speaker 2: Mamma Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters 3 00:00:16,885 --> 00:00:18,765 Speaker 2: that this podcast is recorded. 4 00:00:18,365 --> 00:00:21,005 Speaker 1: On Hi there, I'm Kate Langbrook and I'm jumping into 5 00:00:21,005 --> 00:00:25,285 Speaker 1: your feed with a very special episode to share. If 6 00:00:25,285 --> 00:00:28,805 Speaker 1: you know the buzzwords of manifesting or the inner critic, 7 00:00:29,205 --> 00:00:32,365 Speaker 1: and don't we all, you've probably come across the work 8 00:00:32,405 --> 00:00:37,125 Speaker 1: of Gabby Bernstein. She's Oprah approved, a self help powerhouse, 9 00:00:37,725 --> 00:00:41,405 Speaker 1: and she's just joined Holly Wainwright on mid for an 10 00:00:41,405 --> 00:00:44,005 Speaker 1: incredible conversation with a. 11 00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:44,925 Speaker 2: Guru on the line. 12 00:00:45,005 --> 00:00:48,885 Speaker 1: Holly doesn't waste the opportunity. She's turning the interview into 13 00:00:48,925 --> 00:00:52,205 Speaker 1: a kind of therapy session about how to shift your mindset, 14 00:00:52,605 --> 00:00:56,685 Speaker 1: quiet your inner critic, the bad voices only, and amplify 15 00:00:56,765 --> 00:01:00,205 Speaker 1: the inner voice, your intuition that can guide you through 16 00:01:00,325 --> 00:01:02,965 Speaker 1: change and help you move forward when you're feeling stuck. 17 00:01:03,645 --> 00:01:09,205 Speaker 1: If you're craving clarity, positivity, or just a little encouragement, 18 00:01:09,885 --> 00:01:13,445 Speaker 1: this episode is for you. I hope you enjoy. Gabby 19 00:01:13,485 --> 00:01:17,045 Speaker 1: Bernstein and Holly Wainewright on Meat. 20 00:01:18,485 --> 00:01:22,405 Speaker 3: There's a part of me that hates my guts, yells 21 00:01:22,445 --> 00:01:25,685 Speaker 3: at me from dusk till dawn. She thinks I'm lazy 22 00:01:25,925 --> 00:01:29,845 Speaker 3: and scattered, messy and chaotic, that it's only a matter 23 00:01:29,885 --> 00:01:33,205 Speaker 3: of time until I'm exposed a fraud. She knows if 24 00:01:33,245 --> 00:01:36,005 Speaker 3: you're opening my wardrobe, my life will fall out. That 25 00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:39,485 Speaker 3: under my bed dust and cobwebs are fighting. She thinks 26 00:01:39,525 --> 00:01:43,805 Speaker 3: this intro is clumsy and unclear, that this interview. 27 00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:44,965 Speaker 4: Had too much gosh. 28 00:01:45,285 --> 00:01:47,965 Speaker 3: She knows I shouted at my son last week and 29 00:01:48,005 --> 00:01:51,365 Speaker 3: that my book missed its deadline. She wonders aloud why 30 00:01:51,405 --> 00:01:55,045 Speaker 3: I can't stay away from bread, and taps pointedly at 31 00:01:55,085 --> 00:01:58,085 Speaker 3: the gym timetable on the fridge, asking if it can 32 00:01:58,165 --> 00:02:01,805 Speaker 3: still be valid if it's from twenty twenty three. She 33 00:02:01,925 --> 00:02:04,445 Speaker 3: whispers in my ear about that dumb thing I said 34 00:02:04,445 --> 00:02:07,205 Speaker 3: to my mate at work and how it hurt her feelings. 35 00:02:07,885 --> 00:02:09,925 Speaker 3: She knows I didn't post a car for my dad's 36 00:02:09,965 --> 00:02:13,205 Speaker 3: last birthday and that text messages just aren't the same. 37 00:02:14,365 --> 00:02:16,965 Speaker 3: She settles into the seat beside me when I sit 38 00:02:17,085 --> 00:02:19,885 Speaker 3: down and put my fingers on the keys, and she 39 00:02:20,045 --> 00:02:22,325 Speaker 3: leans over and looks up into my face. 40 00:02:23,285 --> 00:02:24,525 Speaker 4: What have you got to say? 41 00:02:24,565 --> 00:02:24,805 Speaker 2: Hey? 42 00:02:24,965 --> 00:02:25,565 Speaker 4: She asks? 43 00:02:26,085 --> 00:02:30,725 Speaker 3: What's interesting about you and I? Who's been working out 44 00:02:30,765 --> 00:02:34,045 Speaker 3: how to knock her off that chair for years, try. 45 00:02:33,845 --> 00:02:37,445 Speaker 4: A new thing. I put my arm around. 46 00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:40,845 Speaker 3: Her, pull her in as her grimace twists and asks, 47 00:02:41,885 --> 00:02:42,925 Speaker 3: what do you need? 48 00:02:43,085 --> 00:02:45,285 Speaker 4: Buddy? Hello? 49 00:02:45,685 --> 00:02:49,365 Speaker 3: I'm Holly Wainwright and I am mid midlife, mid family, 50 00:02:49,645 --> 00:02:53,285 Speaker 3: mid search. Have you found yourself adding another woo to 51 00:02:53,365 --> 00:02:56,605 Speaker 3: your wu lately? Maybe you're putting out your crystals to 52 00:02:56,685 --> 00:02:59,485 Speaker 3: charge on a full moon, setting a mantra to set 53 00:02:59,485 --> 00:03:04,285 Speaker 3: your day out right, making time to meditate, journaling for 54 00:03:04,365 --> 00:03:07,085 Speaker 3: God's sake. Maybe you're doing none of that, but you're 55 00:03:07,125 --> 00:03:10,965 Speaker 3: wondering why suddenly all your mates are. Maybe it's because 56 00:03:11,005 --> 00:03:14,525 Speaker 3: the world seems out of control. Maybe it's because it 57 00:03:14,605 --> 00:03:17,365 Speaker 3: seems that something we might have a handle on is 58 00:03:17,845 --> 00:03:22,045 Speaker 3: whisper it our energy and where we choose to put 59 00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:26,525 Speaker 3: it anyway. Out of all that, we want some answers, Yes, 60 00:03:27,005 --> 00:03:30,605 Speaker 3: some positivity, And I know the woman who's bringing that 61 00:03:30,845 --> 00:03:35,645 Speaker 3: energy by the bucket load. Gabby Bernstein is a big 62 00:03:35,885 --> 00:03:41,125 Speaker 3: deal Oprah. Yes, Oprah has called her a significant spiritual 63 00:03:41,285 --> 00:03:44,685 Speaker 3: thought leader. Her books and videos and courses are read 64 00:03:44,685 --> 00:03:47,805 Speaker 3: and watched by millions. Her new book Self Help is 65 00:03:47,885 --> 00:03:50,685 Speaker 3: just her latest New York Times bestseller. And when I 66 00:03:50,805 --> 00:03:53,325 Speaker 3: told some of my friends that I was talking to her. 67 00:03:53,845 --> 00:03:57,605 Speaker 3: They lost their minds. Her words had helped them mis see, 68 00:03:57,885 --> 00:04:02,005 Speaker 3: let go of things, trust in others, and negative attitude 69 00:04:02,645 --> 00:04:05,925 Speaker 3: something difficult they're trying to move through. So when I 70 00:04:06,005 --> 00:04:08,525 Speaker 3: knew I was going to be sitting down with Gabby today, 71 00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:11,005 Speaker 3: all the way over in New York, I wanted to 72 00:04:11,045 --> 00:04:12,925 Speaker 3: bring her some problems of my own. 73 00:04:12,965 --> 00:04:14,085 Speaker 4: Sorry, I mean of. 74 00:04:14,165 --> 00:04:19,685 Speaker 3: Our own feeling stuck, dealing with big changes, wondering what 75 00:04:19,765 --> 00:04:22,525 Speaker 3: the hell's next? And yes, I did ask for a 76 00:04:22,525 --> 00:04:25,085 Speaker 3: little therapy session on what to do with that damn 77 00:04:25,245 --> 00:04:29,485 Speaker 3: critical part of myself that won't shut up. I call 78 00:04:29,525 --> 00:04:30,805 Speaker 3: her Hannah and she. 79 00:04:30,845 --> 00:04:31,685 Speaker 4: Can be a bitch. 80 00:04:32,285 --> 00:04:37,365 Speaker 3: But first I told Gabby what my friends said about her. Gabby, 81 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:40,165 Speaker 3: I've been talking to people who feel like their lives 82 00:04:40,205 --> 00:04:43,165 Speaker 3: have been changed by your work, and they tell me 83 00:04:43,205 --> 00:04:45,765 Speaker 3: a few things. But here's what they tell me. The 84 00:04:45,805 --> 00:04:49,565 Speaker 3: loudest they say, she lets me know it's going to 85 00:04:49,605 --> 00:04:50,485 Speaker 3: be okay. 86 00:04:50,805 --> 00:04:51,605 Speaker 2: That's so nice. 87 00:04:51,925 --> 00:04:55,085 Speaker 4: I know, how do you react to that? Well? 88 00:04:55,205 --> 00:04:58,605 Speaker 2: I love that you started there. I really appreciate you 89 00:04:58,685 --> 00:05:01,605 Speaker 2: starting there. I actually feel like I needed to hear 90 00:05:01,725 --> 00:05:04,925 Speaker 2: that today. Oh, if that makes sense to you, because 91 00:05:05,725 --> 00:05:09,845 Speaker 2: I think with all the stuff that's happening with AI 92 00:05:10,005 --> 00:05:13,405 Speaker 2: and sort of like I'm not even dipping my toes 93 00:05:13,445 --> 00:05:15,925 Speaker 2: and I'm diving in head first because we have to, 94 00:05:16,125 --> 00:05:18,405 Speaker 2: right this is where we are. I think it's brought 95 00:05:18,485 --> 00:05:20,525 Speaker 2: up so much of this sort of like existential crisis 96 00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:23,365 Speaker 2: around like well what will my work mean to anyone 97 00:05:23,405 --> 00:05:25,645 Speaker 2: when it can be replicated in all these ways? And 98 00:05:25,685 --> 00:05:30,205 Speaker 2: like how will it have an impact? And I needed 99 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:33,485 Speaker 2: to kind of remember that in all the different forms 100 00:05:33,685 --> 00:05:35,445 Speaker 2: this work comes, whether it's through a book or an 101 00:05:35,485 --> 00:05:39,165 Speaker 2: audio or an AI bot, whatever it's going to be, 102 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:42,605 Speaker 2: it's helping people. So that's the whole thing, you know. 103 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:45,525 Speaker 2: So I'm really grateful for you reflecting that back to 104 00:05:45,565 --> 00:05:45,965 Speaker 2: me today. 105 00:05:45,965 --> 00:05:49,405 Speaker 3: I thank you, and what I'd love to do given that, 106 00:05:49,565 --> 00:05:52,565 Speaker 3: and if you're happy to talk about how that might 107 00:05:52,605 --> 00:05:54,685 Speaker 3: look for some of our listeners who aren't necessarily as 108 00:05:54,725 --> 00:05:57,165 Speaker 3: familiar with your work, but a lot of the listeners 109 00:05:57,205 --> 00:05:59,725 Speaker 3: to mid them going through a lot of stuff they 110 00:05:59,765 --> 00:06:01,925 Speaker 3: may have we call it sometimes in midlife collision. I 111 00:06:01,925 --> 00:06:04,805 Speaker 3: know you'd be very familiar with this way. Suddenly maybe 112 00:06:04,845 --> 00:06:08,005 Speaker 3: your marriage is ended, maybe you've lost your job, maybe 113 00:06:08,005 --> 00:06:10,605 Speaker 3: you've got hormone stuff going on, or a diagnosis or 114 00:06:10,605 --> 00:06:11,365 Speaker 3: a loss. 115 00:06:11,565 --> 00:06:12,965 Speaker 4: And it can feel really hard. 116 00:06:13,005 --> 00:06:15,045 Speaker 3: And I thought, if it's all right with you, I'd 117 00:06:15,085 --> 00:06:17,085 Speaker 3: love to ask you for a couple of kind of 118 00:06:17,125 --> 00:06:21,005 Speaker 3: practical tips that our listeners could could tap into a 119 00:06:21,085 --> 00:06:23,965 Speaker 3: bit of that it's going to be okay, Gabby energy. 120 00:06:24,525 --> 00:06:27,005 Speaker 2: I'm not Yeah, it's going to be okay, Gabby energy. 121 00:06:28,165 --> 00:06:30,005 Speaker 2: It's going to be okay. I really like that for 122 00:06:30,045 --> 00:06:31,805 Speaker 2: a book title. It's going to be okay. 123 00:06:31,845 --> 00:06:34,405 Speaker 4: I might have to well, it's yours friend, because that's 124 00:06:34,445 --> 00:06:36,285 Speaker 4: what That's what they were saying about you. 125 00:06:38,205 --> 00:06:39,845 Speaker 2: It's really nice to hear that what you just said, 126 00:06:39,845 --> 00:06:42,205 Speaker 2: it really it really means a lot to me. So 127 00:06:42,405 --> 00:06:49,165 Speaker 2: I'm no stranger to the meltdown moments, whether it's the 128 00:06:49,205 --> 00:06:52,165 Speaker 2: mid life moments or the just sort of general meltdown moments. 129 00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:57,085 Speaker 2: And for me recently was my menopausal journey of forty four, 130 00:06:57,485 --> 00:07:03,365 Speaker 2: going in like skydiving into menopause. I don't get I 131 00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:06,125 Speaker 2: don't get the easy road. I get the tsunamis is. 132 00:07:06,165 --> 00:07:08,645 Speaker 2: But my girlfriends say they're like, oh, you get the tsunamis. 133 00:07:09,125 --> 00:07:11,565 Speaker 2: So but it was kind of a blessing to have 134 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:16,685 Speaker 2: my hormones just sort of like disappear overnight because and frankly, 135 00:07:16,685 --> 00:07:18,685 Speaker 2: I'm sure I was in perimenopause since I was thirty five. 136 00:07:18,725 --> 00:07:21,605 Speaker 2: I just didn't know, right, I was taking all my 137 00:07:21,605 --> 00:07:23,085 Speaker 2: eggs and I was pumping them all out in my 138 00:07:23,165 --> 00:07:24,965 Speaker 2: late thirties trying to get a baby, and you know, 139 00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:27,765 Speaker 2: it was just a lot of the things we do. 140 00:07:27,845 --> 00:07:31,045 Speaker 2: So I've been in this moment of a transition of 141 00:07:31,165 --> 00:07:33,965 Speaker 2: sort of everything being up in the air, and the 142 00:07:34,325 --> 00:07:36,485 Speaker 2: way that I trusted that everything was going to be 143 00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:41,005 Speaker 2: okay was knowing and remembering the resilience I'd had in 144 00:07:41,045 --> 00:07:45,125 Speaker 2: the past, because all of our life experience provides us 145 00:07:45,245 --> 00:07:51,165 Speaker 2: with the felt sense of memory, the muscle memory of 146 00:07:51,245 --> 00:07:55,925 Speaker 2: knowing that we can survive, and so recognizing that my 147 00:07:56,085 --> 00:08:00,205 Speaker 2: past experiences of survival we're going to hold me as 148 00:08:00,245 --> 00:08:04,205 Speaker 2: I carried into these new ones. And in those moments, 149 00:08:04,205 --> 00:08:06,005 Speaker 2: maybe it's not late for death, but it still feels 150 00:08:06,045 --> 00:08:08,405 Speaker 2: like it is. Right. So, you know, if you've lost 151 00:08:08,485 --> 00:08:13,965 Speaker 2: the partner diagnosis or skydiving into menopause, whatever that might be, 152 00:08:14,485 --> 00:08:17,245 Speaker 2: you feel like this is it, Like I'm really it's 153 00:08:17,285 --> 00:08:20,125 Speaker 2: all consuming. And so I think that the proof that 154 00:08:20,165 --> 00:08:22,845 Speaker 2: we've recovered in the past, We've survived through many things 155 00:08:22,845 --> 00:08:25,765 Speaker 2: that we've lived to tell is actually such a great 156 00:08:25,925 --> 00:08:28,445 Speaker 2: remembrance that it's going to be okay. And then leaning 157 00:08:28,485 --> 00:08:33,925 Speaker 2: into that proof, relying on the tools that worked and 158 00:08:33,965 --> 00:08:36,925 Speaker 2: making a commitment to lean into those tools is really 159 00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:39,005 Speaker 2: how we build the muscle of resilience. 160 00:08:40,045 --> 00:08:43,045 Speaker 3: So it's sort of the strength and smarts that got 161 00:08:43,085 --> 00:08:45,885 Speaker 3: you to hear you can tap into them to get 162 00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:46,885 Speaker 3: you from here. 163 00:08:47,605 --> 00:08:51,445 Speaker 2: And also just the psychologic call it spiritual proof, right, 164 00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:55,045 Speaker 2: So it's the proof that I'm strong, the proof that 165 00:08:55,125 --> 00:08:59,605 Speaker 2: I'm resilient, the proof that I'm aligned, that I'm guided, 166 00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,245 Speaker 2: that I'm not alone, that I have tools, that I 167 00:09:02,285 --> 00:09:07,165 Speaker 2: have support. It's what we have to rely on in 168 00:09:07,205 --> 00:09:07,885 Speaker 2: those moments. 169 00:09:10,325 --> 00:09:13,445 Speaker 3: The other thing that listeners often say to me at 170 00:09:13,445 --> 00:09:17,365 Speaker 3: this point is they say, I feel stuck. Stuckness is 171 00:09:17,405 --> 00:09:20,885 Speaker 3: a big thing, right. It isn't necessarily that you've been 172 00:09:20,965 --> 00:09:22,845 Speaker 3: had a big change, but you just feel like you're 173 00:09:22,845 --> 00:09:25,445 Speaker 3: not living the way you want to. I know this 174 00:09:25,525 --> 00:09:28,685 Speaker 3: is something you're very good at talking about, of course, 175 00:09:29,485 --> 00:09:32,885 Speaker 3: but you know people depend on you. You're comfortable, if not happy, 176 00:09:33,645 --> 00:09:34,965 Speaker 3: but you feel stuck. 177 00:09:35,725 --> 00:09:38,685 Speaker 4: What's a great tip for getting unstuck. 178 00:09:39,525 --> 00:09:41,965 Speaker 2: Well, I would often say that the best first step 179 00:09:42,005 --> 00:09:46,725 Speaker 2: to getting unstuck is to recognize the beliefs that are 180 00:09:46,765 --> 00:09:50,645 Speaker 2: blocking you, because the reason you're stuck is not necessarily 181 00:09:50,645 --> 00:09:53,165 Speaker 2: because of an outside circumstance, but often because of an 182 00:09:53,165 --> 00:09:57,165 Speaker 2: internal belief system. And so it's about healing the beliefs 183 00:09:57,005 --> 00:09:59,645 Speaker 2: that hold us in the patterns that we get stuck in. 184 00:10:00,285 --> 00:10:03,765 Speaker 2: So this actually really a lot of the practices that 185 00:10:03,805 --> 00:10:06,125 Speaker 2: we'll talk about about My latest book is self help 186 00:10:06,165 --> 00:10:09,045 Speaker 2: is undoing and unburdening yourself of the beliefs that have 187 00:10:09,125 --> 00:10:11,405 Speaker 2: kept you're so stuck in the first place. And the 188 00:10:11,485 --> 00:10:16,805 Speaker 2: stuckness is patterns, it's behaviors, it's beliefs, it's limitations, it's 189 00:10:17,085 --> 00:10:20,765 Speaker 2: protection mechanisms. And so when we start to become curious 190 00:10:20,805 --> 00:10:22,965 Speaker 2: about those parts of ourselves that are keeping us stuck, 191 00:10:23,245 --> 00:10:26,005 Speaker 2: we start to give energy and access to those parts 192 00:10:26,045 --> 00:10:30,085 Speaker 2: of ourselves and we start to feel more safe inside. 193 00:10:30,845 --> 00:10:34,165 Speaker 2: Then we have the courage to start to create change. 194 00:10:34,565 --> 00:10:36,765 Speaker 2: But that courage doesn't come unless we tend to the 195 00:10:36,805 --> 00:10:39,245 Speaker 2: parts of ourselves that are inside that are so burdened 196 00:10:39,285 --> 00:10:40,085 Speaker 2: with these beliefs. 197 00:10:41,245 --> 00:10:43,885 Speaker 3: Do you think that sometimes when you're in that state 198 00:10:43,965 --> 00:10:46,285 Speaker 3: of knowing that things aren't right and you're not living 199 00:10:46,325 --> 00:10:48,605 Speaker 3: quite the way you want to. It's hard to know 200 00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,445 Speaker 3: if you're on the right path, or what the right 201 00:10:50,445 --> 00:10:53,845 Speaker 3: path even is to set before you start doing the work. 202 00:10:54,525 --> 00:10:57,845 Speaker 3: I've heard you say, ask yourself, how do you want 203 00:10:57,885 --> 00:10:58,485 Speaker 3: to feel? 204 00:10:59,005 --> 00:10:59,325 Speaker 2: Yeah? 205 00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:01,605 Speaker 4: Tell me about the power of that question. 206 00:11:03,645 --> 00:11:06,445 Speaker 2: So ofttimes we'll think like, I need this thing to 207 00:11:06,525 --> 00:11:09,645 Speaker 2: get to where I want to be right so that 208 00:11:09,765 --> 00:11:12,645 Speaker 2: outcome then I'll be safe, or have that next that 209 00:11:12,885 --> 00:11:16,645 Speaker 2: was reassurance, or that whatever it might be. None of 210 00:11:16,685 --> 00:11:19,125 Speaker 2: us can rely on outcomes anymore. We re living a 211 00:11:19,205 --> 00:11:23,045 Speaker 2: very shaky time with a lot of powerlessness, and so 212 00:11:23,365 --> 00:11:25,645 Speaker 2: we have to really just rely on the feelings that 213 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,845 Speaker 2: we have the power over, which is which is what 214 00:11:27,925 --> 00:11:30,925 Speaker 2: we think and how we feel. And so by by 215 00:11:31,165 --> 00:11:35,045 Speaker 2: saying okay, instead of focusing on that next accomplishment or 216 00:11:35,045 --> 00:11:39,685 Speaker 2: that that outside circumstance to give me direction, focus on 217 00:11:39,725 --> 00:11:43,365 Speaker 2: how you want to feel, Focus on the sensations inside 218 00:11:43,365 --> 00:11:46,685 Speaker 2: that you want to wake up to. For me, I 219 00:11:46,765 --> 00:11:50,685 Speaker 2: want to feel physically strong. I want to feel calm 220 00:11:50,725 --> 00:11:53,045 Speaker 2: in my body. I want to feel resourced, I want 221 00:11:53,085 --> 00:11:59,725 Speaker 2: to feel powerful, I want to feel clear and with 222 00:11:59,805 --> 00:12:04,405 Speaker 2: all those clear I can I can almost even visualize 223 00:12:04,445 --> 00:12:08,245 Speaker 2: the feelings as I talk about them. I can lean 224 00:12:08,285 --> 00:12:12,165 Speaker 2: into that and that clarity, and then wake up each 225 00:12:12,245 --> 00:12:15,685 Speaker 2: day leaning into those desired feelings. And so when you 226 00:12:15,845 --> 00:12:17,605 Speaker 2: know how you want to feel, you know where you 227 00:12:17,685 --> 00:12:18,125 Speaker 2: want to go. 228 00:12:21,685 --> 00:12:25,005 Speaker 3: After the break, we dive into the little voice inside 229 00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,845 Speaker 3: my head, not the critical one, the kind one, and 230 00:12:27,885 --> 00:12:29,365 Speaker 3: how to find the courage. 231 00:12:29,005 --> 00:12:32,765 Speaker 4: To listen to it so to self help. 232 00:12:33,205 --> 00:12:35,365 Speaker 3: One of the things that I particularly love about your story, 233 00:12:35,365 --> 00:12:37,725 Speaker 3: and I've been obviously immersing myself the last few days 234 00:12:37,725 --> 00:12:41,805 Speaker 3: in particular, is that you've talked about it lots of time, 235 00:12:41,885 --> 00:12:43,845 Speaker 3: so we don't have to do that at all. But 236 00:12:44,205 --> 00:12:46,645 Speaker 3: in your mid twenties, you are struggling with addiction. You 237 00:12:46,725 --> 00:12:49,205 Speaker 3: describe you're at a rock bottom, and you asked for help, 238 00:12:49,885 --> 00:12:52,765 Speaker 3: and a strong inner voice or maybe out of voice, 239 00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,765 Speaker 3: told you get clean and you'll live a life beyond 240 00:12:55,805 --> 00:12:59,285 Speaker 3: your wildest dreams. First of all, before we start talking 241 00:12:59,285 --> 00:13:02,325 Speaker 3: about this particular book, do you believe that we can 242 00:13:02,365 --> 00:13:06,085 Speaker 3: all tap into a voice like that that really knows 243 00:13:06,685 --> 00:13:07,605 Speaker 3: what we need to do? 244 00:13:08,165 --> 00:13:08,805 Speaker 2: Of course they do. 245 00:13:10,925 --> 00:13:13,285 Speaker 4: Yeah, how can you be quiet enough to listen? 246 00:13:14,405 --> 00:13:18,925 Speaker 2: Well? The practice of becoming quiet enough to listen, is 247 00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:24,645 Speaker 2: a devotional practice, of tuning in, of strengthening your faith 248 00:13:25,445 --> 00:13:29,645 Speaker 2: through spiritual practice, through maybe even a religious practice. Whatever 249 00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:33,645 Speaker 2: it is that you are drawn to, it's about mindfully 250 00:13:33,885 --> 00:13:38,205 Speaker 2: slowing down. So whether it be a meditative practice or 251 00:13:38,245 --> 00:13:42,165 Speaker 2: a prayer practice, or a physical activity even you know, 252 00:13:42,565 --> 00:13:47,765 Speaker 2: I hear my connection to inner wisdom and spirit when 253 00:13:47,765 --> 00:13:51,205 Speaker 2: I'm walking, when I'm in nature. I walk every day, 254 00:13:51,685 --> 00:13:55,885 Speaker 2: and I feel oftentimes angelic energy around me when I'm walking. 255 00:13:55,965 --> 00:14:00,085 Speaker 2: And the reason stillness is the access to the divine. 256 00:14:00,285 --> 00:14:04,565 Speaker 2: Stillness is the access to the spiritual realm. The reason 257 00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:08,845 Speaker 2: is that our human resonance, like the vibration that we 258 00:14:09,325 --> 00:14:12,125 Speaker 2: function to live in this world, is not the same 259 00:14:12,165 --> 00:14:15,685 Speaker 2: frequency as the spiritual realm. And so if you want 260 00:14:15,685 --> 00:14:18,645 Speaker 2: to call it inner guidance or a spiritual voice, or 261 00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,645 Speaker 2: the voice of God or universal wisdom, I don't really 262 00:14:22,685 --> 00:14:24,365 Speaker 2: care what you call it, the care that you call 263 00:14:24,445 --> 00:14:28,725 Speaker 2: upon it. And when we're living in this world of 264 00:14:28,885 --> 00:14:33,525 Speaker 2: phrenetic energy, we're misaligned with the frequency of the universe, 265 00:14:33,565 --> 00:14:36,405 Speaker 2: with the frequency of spirit. And so through when we 266 00:14:36,685 --> 00:14:39,965 Speaker 2: still our mind and when we calm our nervous system, 267 00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:44,845 Speaker 2: and we settle our energetic being. Our energy begins to 268 00:14:44,965 --> 00:14:47,805 Speaker 2: vibrate at a new frequency, and the same frequency starts 269 00:14:47,805 --> 00:14:49,805 Speaker 2: to line up with the frequency of the universe. So 270 00:14:49,885 --> 00:14:53,845 Speaker 2: that lining up is what stillness does for us. And 271 00:14:53,925 --> 00:14:55,885 Speaker 2: so we get in tune, right. So you see, my 272 00:14:55,885 --> 00:14:57,645 Speaker 2: hands are kind of going like this. It's like we're 273 00:14:57,685 --> 00:14:59,805 Speaker 2: here and the spiritual realm is here, and we start 274 00:14:59,845 --> 00:15:02,645 Speaker 2: to rest and become more at ease, and then we 275 00:15:02,685 --> 00:15:06,325 Speaker 2: attune to it. It's literally like a pitchfork, okay. And 276 00:15:06,925 --> 00:15:10,485 Speaker 2: when we get attuned to that energy, then portal opens 277 00:15:10,525 --> 00:15:13,245 Speaker 2: and we start to believe the wisdom that we're hearing. 278 00:15:13,285 --> 00:15:17,125 Speaker 2: We start to trust the sensations or the voice, or 279 00:15:17,165 --> 00:15:22,165 Speaker 2: the direction, or the inner wink right, or the synchronicity 280 00:15:22,325 --> 00:15:26,125 Speaker 2: or the written word if we'rescribing in that state, and 281 00:15:26,165 --> 00:15:28,685 Speaker 2: so that's where messages can come to us. Guidance can 282 00:15:28,685 --> 00:15:32,245 Speaker 2: come to us, direction can come to us. We can 283 00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:36,165 Speaker 2: feel a presence of a spiritual energy and entity around 284 00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:39,845 Speaker 2: us that we know that we're not alone, and that's 285 00:15:40,005 --> 00:15:43,525 Speaker 2: really that's all that is real. That's all that is real, 286 00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:45,525 Speaker 2: that connection. 287 00:15:46,645 --> 00:15:50,085 Speaker 3: It can take courage to be ready to hear that right, 288 00:15:50,205 --> 00:15:54,525 Speaker 3: because we push away those voices a lot, don't you think, 289 00:15:54,565 --> 00:15:56,685 Speaker 3: in the hustle of all the things we've got to do, 290 00:15:56,765 --> 00:15:58,525 Speaker 3: so there's the courage to go. 291 00:15:59,085 --> 00:16:00,525 Speaker 4: It's not necessarily going to be easy. 292 00:16:00,565 --> 00:16:02,965 Speaker 3: Certainly wasn't easy for you, I'm sure when your voice 293 00:16:03,045 --> 00:16:04,245 Speaker 3: is saying get. 294 00:16:04,045 --> 00:16:07,285 Speaker 2: Clean, well, when they're saying, I mean it is guidance, right, 295 00:16:07,325 --> 00:16:09,725 Speaker 2: So there are spiritual guides. I believe in age. It's 296 00:16:09,725 --> 00:16:12,725 Speaker 2: whatever you choose to believe in. But you could be 297 00:16:12,765 --> 00:16:16,845 Speaker 2: hearing lots of different guidance systems, and for many people 298 00:16:16,885 --> 00:16:18,685 Speaker 2: it might just be more comfortable to say my inner 299 00:16:18,685 --> 00:16:22,485 Speaker 2: wisdom or God. Right, But again, I don't care what 300 00:16:22,525 --> 00:16:23,005 Speaker 2: you call it. 301 00:16:23,405 --> 00:16:26,845 Speaker 4: Yeah, call upon it as you say, Yeah, you need 302 00:16:26,885 --> 00:16:27,045 Speaker 4: to be. 303 00:16:27,045 --> 00:16:28,965 Speaker 3: Brave enough to be ready to act on. 304 00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:29,805 Speaker 4: What they're going to tell you. 305 00:16:29,845 --> 00:16:32,845 Speaker 3: And when you're at that state where you know you 306 00:16:32,885 --> 00:16:34,805 Speaker 3: need help, that's a time when a lot of people 307 00:16:34,885 --> 00:16:35,685 Speaker 3: might discover this. 308 00:16:35,805 --> 00:16:36,005 Speaker 4: Right. 309 00:16:36,645 --> 00:16:40,605 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's when we hit bottom that really the wound 310 00:16:40,685 --> 00:16:42,805 Speaker 2: is the place where the light enters you. As Rumy says, 311 00:16:43,485 --> 00:16:45,845 Speaker 2: So when we have our moments of hitting a bottom, 312 00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:52,525 Speaker 2: there's a cracking open to a surrendered state, and in 313 00:16:52,565 --> 00:16:58,925 Speaker 2: that surrendered state, we become much more receptive to the 314 00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:01,125 Speaker 2: wisdom beyond our logical mind. 315 00:17:02,485 --> 00:17:05,525 Speaker 3: Friends, you're about to hear some discussion about Gabby's book 316 00:17:05,605 --> 00:17:08,325 Speaker 3: self Help, which centers around a type of therapy called 317 00:17:08,405 --> 00:17:11,325 Speaker 3: internal Families systems, and I wanted to jump into our 318 00:17:11,365 --> 00:17:14,245 Speaker 3: conversation to just explain it a little bit so that 319 00:17:14,285 --> 00:17:16,965 Speaker 3: it all makes sense when we're talking about it. In 320 00:17:17,005 --> 00:17:21,205 Speaker 3: its most basic form. IFS, as they call it, is 321 00:17:21,525 --> 00:17:24,845 Speaker 3: like inside out, a theory that we're made up of 322 00:17:24,925 --> 00:17:28,005 Speaker 3: lots of different parts. So in inside out, our girl's 323 00:17:28,045 --> 00:17:32,445 Speaker 3: head is filled with these anthropomorphized feelings anxiety, anger, etc. 324 00:17:33,205 --> 00:17:36,685 Speaker 3: In IFS, same idea, but these characters are our parts. 325 00:17:37,325 --> 00:17:40,525 Speaker 3: You might have a part, for example, who is incensed 326 00:17:40,645 --> 00:17:44,005 Speaker 3: by rule breaking, a part who's hyper vigilant about the 327 00:17:44,005 --> 00:17:46,925 Speaker 3: health of your loved ones, a part that's a control freak, 328 00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:49,445 Speaker 3: a part that pulls you back just before you try 329 00:17:49,485 --> 00:17:53,285 Speaker 3: too hard for something you really want. In IFS, the 330 00:17:53,365 --> 00:17:57,045 Speaker 3: idea is these parts need to be addressed, not pushed aside, 331 00:17:57,445 --> 00:18:00,325 Speaker 3: but invited to the table and asked what it is 332 00:18:00,445 --> 00:18:04,365 Speaker 3: they need, while also having the steering wheel gently removed 333 00:18:04,365 --> 00:18:08,005 Speaker 3: from their hands and put back in your own your 334 00:18:08,085 --> 00:18:12,365 Speaker 3: self's hands. Who is calm and mature and knows what's best. 335 00:18:13,005 --> 00:18:17,245 Speaker 3: That is my very amateur interpretation of IFS. But as 336 00:18:17,285 --> 00:18:19,925 Speaker 3: you hear Gabby speak more about it, it'll make more 337 00:18:19,965 --> 00:18:25,605 Speaker 3: sense back to her. What I particularly love about this 338 00:18:25,725 --> 00:18:28,765 Speaker 3: story is that because you're such a seeker and you've 339 00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:32,205 Speaker 3: from there built this amazing career and business and life 340 00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:35,925 Speaker 3: teaching sharing these ideas, but you write and self help, 341 00:18:36,365 --> 00:18:39,485 Speaker 3: that the extraordinary success came at a cost and you 342 00:18:39,565 --> 00:18:42,085 Speaker 3: had to deal with another kind of addiction in a way. 343 00:18:42,285 --> 00:18:46,645 Speaker 3: Tell me about your workaholic, because I loved reading the 344 00:18:46,645 --> 00:18:48,725 Speaker 3: beginning of self Help. You talk about sitting down to 345 00:18:48,725 --> 00:18:50,605 Speaker 3: write the book. Sorry, I'm holding it in my hand. 346 00:18:50,685 --> 00:18:50,805 Speaker 4: Good. 347 00:18:50,925 --> 00:18:52,365 Speaker 2: I love all the post and notes. 348 00:18:52,485 --> 00:18:55,085 Speaker 3: You are talking about sitting down to write the book, 349 00:18:55,925 --> 00:18:57,725 Speaker 3: and this is a common experience of writers. 350 00:18:57,925 --> 00:18:58,925 Speaker 4: I'm a writer myself. 351 00:18:59,485 --> 00:19:02,725 Speaker 3: Where you're the first thing that happens is your mind 352 00:19:02,805 --> 00:19:04,965 Speaker 3: is saying who do you think you are? Basically, I'm 353 00:19:04,965 --> 00:19:07,445 Speaker 3: paraphrasing you, who do you think you are? To write 354 00:19:07,445 --> 00:19:11,125 Speaker 3: this book? You know you have timed in internal family systems, 355 00:19:11,125 --> 00:19:14,125 Speaker 3: which is what this book is about largely, But you're like, 356 00:19:14,165 --> 00:19:14,525 Speaker 3: who do. 357 00:19:14,525 --> 00:19:15,245 Speaker 4: I think I am? 358 00:19:15,805 --> 00:19:17,645 Speaker 3: You're not good enough to do this like you've got 359 00:19:17,685 --> 00:19:21,605 Speaker 3: that chat that is somebody I'm very familiar with, and 360 00:19:21,685 --> 00:19:24,725 Speaker 3: you talk about what you did to overcome that. 361 00:19:24,805 --> 00:19:26,085 Speaker 4: Can you tell that story? 362 00:19:26,605 --> 00:19:29,245 Speaker 2: Yes? So when I sat down to write self Help, 363 00:19:29,285 --> 00:19:32,125 Speaker 2: it was my tenth book, so it wasn't my first rodeo. 364 00:19:34,085 --> 00:19:37,525 Speaker 2: And I was trained in this model of a therapy 365 00:19:37,525 --> 00:19:40,165 Speaker 2: that I'd practiced with my own therapist for a nearly 366 00:19:40,165 --> 00:19:43,445 Speaker 2: a decade at that time. And then I went on 367 00:19:43,565 --> 00:19:45,845 Speaker 2: to get trained in this therapy. And then I beat 368 00:19:45,925 --> 00:19:49,765 Speaker 2: very very clearly, felt lined up to write about it, 369 00:19:49,805 --> 00:19:52,805 Speaker 2: democratize it, turn it into a self help practice with 370 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,925 Speaker 2: the blessing of the founder of the therapy. His name 371 00:19:54,925 --> 00:19:57,405 Speaker 2: is doctor Richard Schwartz. He gave me his blessing to 372 00:19:58,045 --> 00:19:59,645 Speaker 2: do that, to make it self help. 373 00:19:59,525 --> 00:20:00,605 Speaker 4: He writes the introduction. 374 00:20:01,085 --> 00:20:06,845 Speaker 2: Yes, he does. And so I had the permission, I 375 00:20:06,885 --> 00:20:10,525 Speaker 2: had the book contract, I had the train, I had 376 00:20:10,565 --> 00:20:13,245 Speaker 2: the experience of living it, and I sat down to 377 00:20:13,245 --> 00:20:16,565 Speaker 2: write the book and the impost the voice of I'm 378 00:20:16,605 --> 00:20:19,365 Speaker 2: not good enough, I'm not smart enough. Who am I 379 00:20:19,405 --> 00:20:22,525 Speaker 2: to write this book. You're not a therapist, You're not this, 380 00:20:22,645 --> 00:20:27,205 Speaker 2: You're not that started to flood me, and so very 381 00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:30,685 Speaker 2: quickly I began to apply the tool that I was 382 00:20:31,485 --> 00:20:34,245 Speaker 2: sitting down to write about to myself and I share 383 00:20:34,285 --> 00:20:36,965 Speaker 2: the story of how I chose to check in with 384 00:20:37,045 --> 00:20:40,285 Speaker 2: that voice, that part of me that was so afraid 385 00:20:40,285 --> 00:20:42,565 Speaker 2: to write the book. And as I started to check 386 00:20:42,565 --> 00:20:45,165 Speaker 2: in and become curious, I noticed where it was in 387 00:20:45,165 --> 00:20:46,485 Speaker 2: my body, and I noticed where I felt it in 388 00:20:46,525 --> 00:20:48,165 Speaker 2: my jaw, and I noticed where it was in my heart. 389 00:20:48,565 --> 00:20:50,365 Speaker 2: And then I became more curious and knew that it 390 00:20:50,405 --> 00:20:51,885 Speaker 2: had been around for a long time and it was 391 00:20:51,925 --> 00:20:54,565 Speaker 2: the little girl that though she was stupid, and just 392 00:20:54,645 --> 00:20:56,925 Speaker 2: kept checking in and checking in. And then I became 393 00:20:56,965 --> 00:20:58,805 Speaker 2: curious and I asked the part what it needed, and 394 00:20:58,845 --> 00:21:00,925 Speaker 2: the part that part of me said, believe in me. 395 00:21:02,445 --> 00:21:06,445 Speaker 2: Believe in me. And then another voice started to come in, 396 00:21:06,485 --> 00:21:08,685 Speaker 2: and that was the voice of my higher self, myself 397 00:21:08,725 --> 00:21:11,845 Speaker 2: for the capitol less maybe the inner wisdom or the 398 00:21:11,885 --> 00:21:14,965 Speaker 2: spiritual connection, and that voice is self started to speak 399 00:21:15,005 --> 00:21:17,605 Speaker 2: to me and say or not speak to me. Just 400 00:21:19,005 --> 00:21:21,365 Speaker 2: the presence of self came through, and it was this 401 00:21:21,565 --> 00:21:26,085 Speaker 2: inner healer coming through saying, yeah, of course you can 402 00:21:26,125 --> 00:21:30,205 Speaker 2: do this. This is your job. You got this, and 403 00:21:30,605 --> 00:21:35,005 Speaker 2: that process of choosing to check in becoming curious, compassionately 404 00:21:35,005 --> 00:21:37,245 Speaker 2: connecting and asking what do you need? And then noticing 405 00:21:37,285 --> 00:21:39,845 Speaker 2: the shifts of self come through. Those four steps are 406 00:21:39,885 --> 00:21:42,005 Speaker 2: the crux of the book. That's the self help check in. 407 00:21:42,685 --> 00:21:48,445 Speaker 2: And self is what is our inner wisdom, our our 408 00:21:48,525 --> 00:21:50,845 Speaker 2: higher self are the presence of the God within us. 409 00:21:50,845 --> 00:21:55,445 Speaker 2: The spirit within us self is compassionate energy, connected energy, 410 00:21:55,525 --> 00:22:00,605 Speaker 2: clear energy, courageous energy, confident energy. And so this whole 411 00:22:00,645 --> 00:22:06,045 Speaker 2: book is about letting these energies to self help these 412 00:22:06,085 --> 00:22:08,725 Speaker 2: younger parts of ourselves that are so stuck. So for 413 00:22:08,765 --> 00:22:10,925 Speaker 2: the listener stuck, this is your book. 414 00:22:11,125 --> 00:22:14,125 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is your book because one of the things 415 00:22:14,125 --> 00:22:16,285 Speaker 3: that I particularly and I know a little bit about 416 00:22:16,405 --> 00:22:20,365 Speaker 3: IFS myself, but you explain it so brilliantly here. But 417 00:22:21,485 --> 00:22:24,165 Speaker 3: I think that if you don't understand that the difference 418 00:22:24,245 --> 00:22:27,485 Speaker 3: is when you're sitting there, whatever project it is, or 419 00:22:27,525 --> 00:22:29,605 Speaker 3: whatever part of your life that in a critic is 420 00:22:29,605 --> 00:22:32,525 Speaker 3: coming at you and telling you not good enough. The 421 00:22:32,565 --> 00:22:35,245 Speaker 3: temptation is push her away, shut her up, right, That's 422 00:22:35,285 --> 00:22:37,085 Speaker 3: what I have always done. 423 00:22:37,005 --> 00:22:38,965 Speaker 4: Has been like why am I thinking like that? 424 00:22:39,045 --> 00:22:42,605 Speaker 3: And then the critic almost becomes part of the problem. 425 00:22:42,605 --> 00:22:44,765 Speaker 3: But what IFS is saying and what you're saying is, 426 00:22:44,805 --> 00:22:48,205 Speaker 3: don't push her away and shut her up, check in 427 00:22:48,285 --> 00:22:50,205 Speaker 3: with her and have compassion. 428 00:22:50,565 --> 00:22:55,085 Speaker 2: Yes, when we feel triggered for whatever reason it might be, 429 00:22:56,005 --> 00:22:58,925 Speaker 2: we will do whatever it takes to shut down the trigger. 430 00:22:59,405 --> 00:23:01,925 Speaker 2: So the trigger is a young, young part of ourselves, right, 431 00:23:01,925 --> 00:23:05,165 Speaker 2: It's a wounded part that feels inadequate or unlovable. And 432 00:23:05,245 --> 00:23:07,725 Speaker 2: so what we'll do is we'll start protecting against that feeling. 433 00:23:07,765 --> 00:23:10,925 Speaker 2: And that's where these protector parts. In the protector parts 434 00:23:10,925 --> 00:23:12,965 Speaker 2: are like I'm going to the yours would be saying 435 00:23:13,005 --> 00:23:15,005 Speaker 2: shut up, shut up, going going right, that's like a 436 00:23:15,045 --> 00:23:19,885 Speaker 2: shunning protector. Or maybe my be controlling or fighting back 437 00:23:19,965 --> 00:23:24,485 Speaker 2: or raging or overworking or over drinking or overeating, will 438 00:23:24,485 --> 00:23:28,085 Speaker 2: over things to not have to feel those deeper wounds, 439 00:23:28,285 --> 00:23:30,685 Speaker 2: and so we check out instead of checking in. And 440 00:23:30,725 --> 00:23:33,685 Speaker 2: so self help the practice is about choosing to check 441 00:23:33,725 --> 00:23:38,005 Speaker 2: inside instead of checking out with these protection mechanisms. And 442 00:23:38,045 --> 00:23:40,325 Speaker 2: so we check in with the protection mechanisms so that 443 00:23:40,405 --> 00:23:44,325 Speaker 2: it can feel like it can relax, and when it relaxes, 444 00:23:45,005 --> 00:23:47,285 Speaker 2: then we can let that young part of us, that 445 00:23:47,405 --> 00:23:50,005 Speaker 2: all these young parts of us inside know that there's 446 00:23:50,045 --> 00:23:52,725 Speaker 2: more safety inside and that they don't have to be 447 00:23:52,765 --> 00:23:53,525 Speaker 2: so activated. 448 00:23:54,045 --> 00:23:57,845 Speaker 3: And the parts are in this system are given names. 449 00:23:57,845 --> 00:24:01,045 Speaker 3: So you have as I mentioned before, I was really 450 00:24:01,045 --> 00:24:04,365 Speaker 3: interested when you talked about your workaholic part. That has 451 00:24:04,405 --> 00:24:08,085 Speaker 3: obviously been of great use to you in building your 452 00:24:08,125 --> 00:24:11,525 Speaker 3: business to where it is, but you've learned to have 453 00:24:11,565 --> 00:24:15,125 Speaker 3: a different relationship with her. Now, can you tell me 454 00:24:15,165 --> 00:24:15,845 Speaker 3: a bit about that. 455 00:24:16,325 --> 00:24:18,685 Speaker 2: Yes, so I've named my parts. You don't have to, 456 00:24:18,765 --> 00:24:19,405 Speaker 2: but it's nice to do. 457 00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:20,405 Speaker 4: I think it's helpful. 458 00:24:20,565 --> 00:24:23,085 Speaker 2: It is. We have lots of different protection mechanisms, and 459 00:24:23,125 --> 00:24:25,245 Speaker 2: you've probably said many times before a part of me 460 00:24:25,325 --> 00:24:28,045 Speaker 2: gets really activated when this happens, or a part of 461 00:24:28,085 --> 00:24:30,205 Speaker 2: me rages when my husband says this, or part of 462 00:24:30,245 --> 00:24:31,965 Speaker 2: me part of me, you know, all these kinds of messages. 463 00:24:32,325 --> 00:24:33,725 Speaker 2: And so for me, you know, I have a lot 464 00:24:33,725 --> 00:24:36,045 Speaker 2: of different parts. One of them was a workaholic at 465 00:24:36,045 --> 00:24:38,405 Speaker 2: the time. And what happens when we start to do 466 00:24:38,925 --> 00:24:41,885 Speaker 2: some connecting to these parts of ourselves is that we 467 00:24:41,925 --> 00:24:47,485 Speaker 2: start to recognize that they actually were just there protecting us. 468 00:24:48,045 --> 00:24:50,965 Speaker 2: And so while they might have been in extreme roles, 469 00:24:51,525 --> 00:24:53,725 Speaker 2: they also probably did a lot of good for us 470 00:24:53,765 --> 00:24:55,725 Speaker 2: and for the world, or for whatever happens in us. 471 00:24:55,925 --> 00:24:58,485 Speaker 2: So I look at my workaholic part now that it's 472 00:24:58,565 --> 00:25:02,205 Speaker 2: now that I've healed, and I can say, oh, yeah, 473 00:25:02,685 --> 00:25:06,485 Speaker 2: you were working real hard to try to to try 474 00:25:06,525 --> 00:25:11,045 Speaker 2: to fight against that suffering inside. But also I can 475 00:25:11,085 --> 00:25:12,805 Speaker 2: look at her and say, okay, but you also wrote 476 00:25:12,805 --> 00:25:15,525 Speaker 2: ten books in fourteen years and helped a lot of people. 477 00:25:16,205 --> 00:25:19,085 Speaker 2: And so I can see that while the part was 478 00:25:19,165 --> 00:25:21,445 Speaker 2: extreme and creating a lot of chaos in my body 479 00:25:21,445 --> 00:25:24,845 Speaker 2: and in my life and in my relationships, it also 480 00:25:24,885 --> 00:25:28,005 Speaker 2: did a lot of good. And now the good news 481 00:25:28,045 --> 00:25:31,445 Speaker 2: is that that part can do its great work in 482 00:25:31,485 --> 00:25:35,005 Speaker 2: such a less extreme way because it's connected to self. 483 00:25:35,405 --> 00:25:37,725 Speaker 3: So the idea is not at all to get rid 484 00:25:37,765 --> 00:25:39,765 Speaker 3: of these parts of you, to sort of shed them 485 00:25:39,765 --> 00:25:42,245 Speaker 3: as if you're going to just be self. 486 00:25:42,725 --> 00:25:46,005 Speaker 2: The goal is to help them be less extreme, yes 487 00:25:46,925 --> 00:25:49,725 Speaker 2: or not extreme. Right, You're not trying to get rid 488 00:25:49,805 --> 00:25:52,685 Speaker 2: of any of these aspects of yourself. They're very good aspects, right, 489 00:25:52,685 --> 00:25:56,405 Speaker 2: They have important roles, But to help them be less extreme, 490 00:25:57,165 --> 00:26:00,365 Speaker 2: and even a part that's extreme extreme, like a cocaine adict. 491 00:26:00,925 --> 00:26:04,645 Speaker 2: My cocaine addict, I was able to get clean and sober, 492 00:26:05,405 --> 00:26:08,605 Speaker 2: and then the more that I healed that part underneath 493 00:26:08,645 --> 00:26:10,725 Speaker 2: it was control, right, So then I had to work 494 00:26:10,765 --> 00:26:12,965 Speaker 2: with the control part, and then I started to heal 495 00:26:12,965 --> 00:26:15,205 Speaker 2: the control part. And now that the control part is 496 00:26:15,325 --> 00:26:18,325 Speaker 2: at a place where it's so unburdened from that extreme place, 497 00:26:18,965 --> 00:26:20,485 Speaker 2: it can show up when I need it. 498 00:26:20,725 --> 00:26:20,885 Speaker 3: Right. 499 00:26:21,325 --> 00:26:23,685 Speaker 2: It's not going to go do cocaine, but it's going 500 00:26:23,725 --> 00:26:27,645 Speaker 2: to show up and say, you know what, team, I'm 501 00:26:27,645 --> 00:26:30,965 Speaker 2: not seeing things going in the right direction. I want 502 00:26:31,005 --> 00:26:33,125 Speaker 2: to make sure we get back on track with our OKRs, 503 00:26:33,205 --> 00:26:34,605 Speaker 2: or I want to make sure that we're you know, 504 00:26:34,725 --> 00:26:37,405 Speaker 2: it's yeah, it's controlling. But if I didn't have that part, 505 00:26:37,445 --> 00:26:40,085 Speaker 2: I wouldn't be a great CEO and president, right, Yeah, 506 00:26:40,165 --> 00:26:42,005 Speaker 2: so you know it helps. 507 00:26:41,765 --> 00:26:45,845 Speaker 3: Absolutely tell me about that the check in process that 508 00:26:45,885 --> 00:26:48,365 Speaker 3: you was talking about before, because one of the things 509 00:26:48,405 --> 00:26:51,085 Speaker 3: that I've I've heard you talk about this is that 510 00:26:51,165 --> 00:26:52,845 Speaker 3: one thing that might be a bit scary to people 511 00:26:52,845 --> 00:26:55,045 Speaker 3: about this idea is they might be like, I don't 512 00:26:55,045 --> 00:26:58,685 Speaker 3: want to be constantly encouraged to tap back to the. 513 00:26:58,605 --> 00:26:59,725 Speaker 4: Worst thing that's ever happened. 514 00:26:59,765 --> 00:27:00,365 Speaker 2: You don't have to. 515 00:27:00,525 --> 00:27:02,125 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, So explain that a bit. 516 00:27:02,165 --> 00:27:04,205 Speaker 3: Because if a lot of our parts were forged in 517 00:27:04,285 --> 00:27:07,605 Speaker 3: trauma and I've heard you talk about capital T lower 518 00:27:07,645 --> 00:27:10,725 Speaker 3: case T trauma. Everybody doesn't want to be dragged back 519 00:27:10,725 --> 00:27:12,525 Speaker 3: there all the time. That might be a barriers. So 520 00:27:12,685 --> 00:27:14,085 Speaker 3: what do you say about that. 521 00:27:14,205 --> 00:27:17,005 Speaker 2: We're not going to those parts. So in IFS, there's 522 00:27:17,085 --> 00:27:21,525 Speaker 2: different types of protectors. Well, first of all, there's exiled parts, 523 00:27:21,525 --> 00:27:24,605 Speaker 2: which are there the young parts that were traumatized big T, 524 00:27:24,765 --> 00:27:27,085 Speaker 2: small tea could have been bullied, it could have been 525 00:27:27,205 --> 00:27:30,205 Speaker 2: big trauma, could have been attachment breach. Those are the 526 00:27:30,245 --> 00:27:33,765 Speaker 2: exiled parts. Those are the little wounded parts. We're not 527 00:27:33,845 --> 00:27:36,645 Speaker 2: trying to go to the exiles in this book. That's 528 00:27:36,685 --> 00:27:40,205 Speaker 2: where you would go to those parts with therapy. When 529 00:27:40,245 --> 00:27:43,725 Speaker 2: you experience those traumas, you started protecting yourself very quickly 530 00:27:44,085 --> 00:27:46,605 Speaker 2: because your little child brain could not process it. You 531 00:27:46,645 --> 00:27:48,925 Speaker 2: didn't have the emotional resilience to process it. You very 532 00:27:49,005 --> 00:27:51,365 Speaker 2: likely did not have a parent or adult figure to 533 00:27:51,365 --> 00:27:54,445 Speaker 2: help you process it. So you went into protector mode 534 00:27:54,645 --> 00:27:57,365 Speaker 2: and you started building up these protection mechanisms of fighting 535 00:27:57,405 --> 00:28:02,325 Speaker 2: back or judging, or perfectionism or needing to know workoholism, 536 00:28:02,365 --> 00:28:04,445 Speaker 2: to be seen because you weren't seen by your parents 537 00:28:04,525 --> 00:28:07,285 Speaker 2: or whatever. The story is. So in this book we're 538 00:28:07,365 --> 00:28:10,845 Speaker 2: teching in with those protection mechanisms, not with the exiles 539 00:28:11,245 --> 00:28:14,485 Speaker 2: and so the protectors and not even really the most 540 00:28:14,525 --> 00:28:16,245 Speaker 2: extreme protectors which I can with like the day to 541 00:28:16,325 --> 00:28:19,805 Speaker 2: day protection mechanisms that are managing our day to day life. Right, 542 00:28:19,925 --> 00:28:22,645 Speaker 2: So for me, it was a control or it was work, 543 00:28:22,765 --> 00:28:25,765 Speaker 2: or it was Knives Out was another part I read about, 544 00:28:25,765 --> 00:28:27,725 Speaker 2: like if you mess with me, I'm going to fight back. Right, 545 00:28:28,125 --> 00:28:30,125 Speaker 2: knives Out showed up today. Let me tell you, knives 546 00:28:30,125 --> 00:28:34,085 Speaker 2: Out came in today. I had to do a little 547 00:28:34,085 --> 00:28:35,885 Speaker 2: work with her today. When I did great work with 548 00:28:35,925 --> 00:28:38,445 Speaker 2: her today and came back to a situation and was 549 00:28:38,485 --> 00:28:41,765 Speaker 2: able to meet the situation with so much self energy 550 00:28:41,765 --> 00:28:44,925 Speaker 2: and so much love when like a few hours prior, 551 00:28:44,965 --> 00:28:47,805 Speaker 2: I was like telling another team member how pissed off 552 00:28:47,805 --> 00:28:50,885 Speaker 2: I was, and it's cursing. And you know, even though 553 00:28:50,885 --> 00:28:52,645 Speaker 2: I didn't do it to that person, I did the 554 00:28:52,765 --> 00:28:54,405 Speaker 2: work before I worked it out. And then I went 555 00:28:54,445 --> 00:28:57,165 Speaker 2: to that person with a lot of clarity and a 556 00:28:57,205 --> 00:28:59,525 Speaker 2: lot of calm because I did the four step check 557 00:28:59,565 --> 00:29:00,485 Speaker 2: in with the party. 558 00:29:01,085 --> 00:29:03,725 Speaker 4: Because knives Out was helpful, but you didn't just let 559 00:29:03,725 --> 00:29:04,365 Speaker 4: it loose. 560 00:29:04,525 --> 00:29:08,245 Speaker 2: And knives Out was able to be calmed and soothed 561 00:29:08,285 --> 00:29:12,365 Speaker 2: by the fourth step. Yes, and then once that self 562 00:29:12,485 --> 00:29:17,805 Speaker 2: energy emerged, I asked, so, here's what happened. Let's say 563 00:29:17,805 --> 00:29:19,805 Speaker 2: it like this, but something happened at work that pissed 564 00:29:19,805 --> 00:29:22,845 Speaker 2: me off. Knives out was defensive. I was like, I'm 565 00:29:22,845 --> 00:29:25,645 Speaker 2: going to fight back. I knew that was there. I 566 00:29:25,685 --> 00:29:27,325 Speaker 2: did the four step check in, so I checked in 567 00:29:27,405 --> 00:29:29,885 Speaker 2: with the part. So I focused my attention in towards 568 00:29:29,885 --> 00:29:32,645 Speaker 2: that knives out and wanted to fight so much. And 569 00:29:32,685 --> 00:29:34,525 Speaker 2: then I got curious about where it was my body. 570 00:29:34,805 --> 00:29:36,565 Speaker 2: I saw it in my jaw and and my shoulders. 571 00:29:36,645 --> 00:29:38,605 Speaker 2: It was very tense. And then I went a little 572 00:29:38,605 --> 00:29:41,405 Speaker 2: bit further and I started to notice that it was 573 00:29:41,445 --> 00:29:43,725 Speaker 2: like a very strong, defensive part that was very young. 574 00:29:44,245 --> 00:29:46,725 Speaker 2: And then I went to the third step, which is 575 00:29:46,725 --> 00:29:50,565 Speaker 2: to ask curiously, ask compassionately what do you need? And 576 00:29:50,605 --> 00:29:53,725 Speaker 2: the part said to me, I need clarity, I need 577 00:29:53,765 --> 00:29:56,445 Speaker 2: to be clear. I need to speak my truth but clearly. 578 00:29:57,485 --> 00:30:00,365 Speaker 2: And then I noticed that I checked the fourth step 579 00:30:00,445 --> 00:30:02,605 Speaker 2: checked for c qualities it self, and I was like, okay, yeah, 580 00:30:02,605 --> 00:30:04,525 Speaker 2: I feel like I know what I need. I feel 581 00:30:04,525 --> 00:30:07,605 Speaker 2: more calm, I feel connected, I feel that the courage 582 00:30:07,605 --> 00:30:09,725 Speaker 2: to speak up for what I need. So then a 583 00:30:09,805 --> 00:30:11,405 Speaker 2: few minutes later, I pick up the phone and I 584 00:30:11,405 --> 00:30:13,725 Speaker 2: called the person that I was frustrated with, and I 585 00:30:13,805 --> 00:30:15,765 Speaker 2: just looked her in the eye and I said, look, 586 00:30:15,805 --> 00:30:18,805 Speaker 2: let's work this out. But I want to be really 587 00:30:18,885 --> 00:30:22,045 Speaker 2: clear with you. You know, XYZ that you asked for 588 00:30:22,405 --> 00:30:25,125 Speaker 2: is exactly what I have given you. And when you 589 00:30:25,165 --> 00:30:28,485 Speaker 2: say x y Z, it's a trigger word for us, 590 00:30:28,525 --> 00:30:31,245 Speaker 2: you know whatever from employers, and it makes us want 591 00:30:31,245 --> 00:30:32,685 Speaker 2: to do x y Z. So I'm just being very 592 00:30:32,685 --> 00:30:35,485 Speaker 2: clear with you. I'm not threatening you. I'm just laying 593 00:30:35,485 --> 00:30:38,605 Speaker 2: it out for you. And I really want to make 594 00:30:38,645 --> 00:30:41,445 Speaker 2: this work. And I really think that you're excellent and 595 00:30:41,485 --> 00:30:45,005 Speaker 2: you've been adding so much value and I need to 596 00:30:45,005 --> 00:30:48,405 Speaker 2: be clear with you, right And so I said some 597 00:30:48,525 --> 00:30:51,685 Speaker 2: very hard truths, but with so much love and so 598 00:30:51,765 --> 00:30:55,485 Speaker 2: much calmness and so much courage and connection and clarity. 599 00:30:56,005 --> 00:31:00,005 Speaker 2: And so I met the situation with self instead of 600 00:31:00,045 --> 00:31:03,565 Speaker 2: the part, and I could speak for the part rather 601 00:31:03,605 --> 00:31:05,485 Speaker 2: than as that part. Does that make sense? 602 00:31:05,765 --> 00:31:06,205 Speaker 4: It does. 603 00:31:09,765 --> 00:31:13,525 Speaker 3: After this shortbreak, Gabby turns the interview on me and 604 00:31:13,565 --> 00:31:15,365 Speaker 3: we talk about how I talk. 605 00:31:15,325 --> 00:31:16,645 Speaker 4: To my own inner critic. 606 00:31:18,125 --> 00:31:20,245 Speaker 3: I mean, one of the things that I particularly like 607 00:31:20,285 --> 00:31:22,405 Speaker 3: about this, and you write about this is it. I 608 00:31:22,405 --> 00:31:25,885 Speaker 3: think it helps you write You're not a control freak 609 00:31:26,045 --> 00:31:28,125 Speaker 3: or a rager or codependent. 610 00:31:28,325 --> 00:31:29,765 Speaker 4: Those are all parts of yourself. 611 00:31:29,805 --> 00:31:32,085 Speaker 3: And I think that that's a lot of and maybe 612 00:31:32,085 --> 00:31:35,365 Speaker 3: women in particular, we do label ourselves and say, why 613 00:31:35,405 --> 00:31:37,405 Speaker 3: am I such a control freak? Why am I so 614 00:31:37,485 --> 00:31:38,045 Speaker 3: hard on myself? 615 00:31:38,085 --> 00:31:38,685 Speaker 4: I'm this, I'm that. 616 00:31:39,685 --> 00:31:41,925 Speaker 3: And the idea that you can that these are parts 617 00:31:41,925 --> 00:31:43,765 Speaker 3: of you that have roles to play, I think is 618 00:31:43,805 --> 00:31:45,325 Speaker 3: really really helpful. 619 00:31:45,965 --> 00:31:51,845 Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's recognizing that we are not our bad patterns 620 00:31:51,925 --> 00:31:57,605 Speaker 2: or our limiting beliefs or addicted behaviors. Those are protection 621 00:31:57,765 --> 00:32:00,365 Speaker 2: mechanisms that are parts of who we are that have 622 00:32:00,525 --> 00:32:03,605 Speaker 2: been holding it all together for so so long. And 623 00:32:03,645 --> 00:32:06,245 Speaker 2: these parts of us need our attention, They need our love, 624 00:32:06,445 --> 00:32:10,765 Speaker 2: they need our connection, they need our wisdom, and they 625 00:32:10,925 --> 00:32:12,005 Speaker 2: need her compassion. 626 00:32:13,085 --> 00:32:15,445 Speaker 3: I when I was preparing for this conversation today, I 627 00:32:15,485 --> 00:32:17,285 Speaker 3: was like, I'm going to bring Gabby some problems, and 628 00:32:17,365 --> 00:32:18,925 Speaker 3: not all of them are my problems, but some of 629 00:32:18,925 --> 00:32:19,885 Speaker 3: them are my problems. 630 00:32:21,285 --> 00:32:22,165 Speaker 2: Bring me your problem. 631 00:32:22,205 --> 00:32:25,405 Speaker 3: Well, one of them is definitely that in a critic. 632 00:32:25,605 --> 00:32:28,205 Speaker 3: So you have helped me with that already, because it's 633 00:32:28,325 --> 00:32:31,965 Speaker 3: very much the voice that starts whenever I'm about to 634 00:32:32,045 --> 00:32:34,885 Speaker 3: try and what you might term play big, like do 635 00:32:35,005 --> 00:32:39,565 Speaker 3: something brave and bold, and then that she starts with 636 00:32:39,605 --> 00:32:41,525 Speaker 3: her like who do you think you are? You're not 637 00:32:41,525 --> 00:32:43,845 Speaker 3: good enough, You're not as good as so and so. Okay, 638 00:32:43,885 --> 00:32:46,365 Speaker 3: And sometimes, Gabby, let's be honest, I work on the internet, 639 00:32:46,365 --> 00:32:48,485 Speaker 3: as I know you do, and sometimes those critics are 640 00:32:48,765 --> 00:32:51,925 Speaker 3: real in the world, you know, So that feeds her. 641 00:32:53,005 --> 00:32:55,325 Speaker 3: And so this is very helpful, this idea of not 642 00:32:55,405 --> 00:32:57,725 Speaker 3: just shunning her but bringing her in. 643 00:32:58,205 --> 00:33:01,845 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I think that the inner critic part 644 00:33:02,765 --> 00:33:04,605 Speaker 2: is probably most women have it. 645 00:33:04,885 --> 00:33:07,165 Speaker 4: Yeah, absolutely, And. 646 00:33:08,645 --> 00:33:11,565 Speaker 2: She needs your she needs And by the way, I'm 647 00:33:11,565 --> 00:33:14,965 Speaker 2: calling these female parts like she, but they not have 648 00:33:15,005 --> 00:33:17,125 Speaker 2: a gender at times, like you might identify a part, 649 00:33:17,165 --> 00:33:19,525 Speaker 2: but it might feel like it's genderless, you know, or 650 00:33:19,525 --> 00:33:21,845 Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't want to name people's parts, 651 00:33:22,285 --> 00:33:25,205 Speaker 2: but you feel a female to you, So I'll talk 652 00:33:25,245 --> 00:33:28,725 Speaker 2: to you them like that. But you know, these inner critics, 653 00:33:30,805 --> 00:33:34,845 Speaker 2: they've been around for a really long time, and they're 654 00:33:34,885 --> 00:33:39,565 Speaker 2: really young, and they need our attention. They need some connection, 655 00:33:39,885 --> 00:33:43,805 Speaker 2: they need some compassion. So my steps are beautiful, choose 656 00:33:43,845 --> 00:33:48,485 Speaker 2: to check in with that part, become curious about it. Normally, 657 00:33:48,485 --> 00:33:50,325 Speaker 2: what we would do is shun it, right, we would 658 00:33:50,325 --> 00:33:53,445 Speaker 2: say stop thinking like that, stop doing it, move on. 659 00:33:53,725 --> 00:33:56,605 Speaker 2: I even heard you say that earlier. Right, do you 660 00:33:56,645 --> 00:33:57,405 Speaker 2: have children? 661 00:33:57,845 --> 00:33:58,085 Speaker 4: I do. 662 00:33:59,045 --> 00:34:02,085 Speaker 2: So if your child, one of your children came to 663 00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:06,925 Speaker 2: you and said, mom, I'm just feeling so inadequate, I 664 00:34:06,965 --> 00:34:09,205 Speaker 2: hate myself, what would you say. 665 00:34:09,405 --> 00:34:12,445 Speaker 3: Ah, I meet them with love and tell them that 666 00:34:12,485 --> 00:34:14,525 Speaker 3: they're you know, that they're trying their best, and that 667 00:34:14,645 --> 00:34:17,285 Speaker 3: to me, they're the most incredible things in the world. 668 00:34:17,325 --> 00:34:21,165 Speaker 4: They're teenagers, they do come to be with things like that. 669 00:34:21,845 --> 00:34:24,605 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you may be curious, right, you may be 670 00:34:24,685 --> 00:34:25,805 Speaker 2: curious about what's going on. 671 00:34:25,885 --> 00:34:28,445 Speaker 4: Yes, I'm like, why are you what's making you feel 672 00:34:28,445 --> 00:34:28,805 Speaker 4: that way? 673 00:34:28,885 --> 00:34:31,645 Speaker 3: Exactly what happened today that's making you feel that way. 674 00:34:31,765 --> 00:34:34,445 Speaker 3: Let's try and look at it in another way. Let's 675 00:34:34,485 --> 00:34:35,045 Speaker 3: make a plan. 676 00:34:35,525 --> 00:34:40,445 Speaker 2: Right, creative. So there's creative thinking. Yep, there's calmness. Right. 677 00:34:40,525 --> 00:34:43,165 Speaker 2: So what would you do when your inner critic shows up? 678 00:34:43,365 --> 00:34:45,565 Speaker 2: Your little girl? How would you talk to her? 679 00:34:45,845 --> 00:34:48,645 Speaker 3: Well, this is the problem is I often shout at her, 680 00:34:48,805 --> 00:34:52,085 Speaker 3: right you know, well, I mean not literally obviously, but. 681 00:34:52,085 --> 00:34:53,845 Speaker 2: You'll shut her down, You'll shout at. 682 00:34:53,685 --> 00:34:57,565 Speaker 3: Her, yeah, and then I get angry with myself about her, 683 00:34:58,285 --> 00:35:00,525 Speaker 3: And so then often she can hold you back from 684 00:35:00,605 --> 00:35:01,885 Speaker 3: making those big moves. 685 00:35:01,885 --> 00:35:05,045 Speaker 2: So then my question for you is what would happen 686 00:35:05,085 --> 00:35:08,125 Speaker 2: if you started to perceive their inner critic as another 687 00:35:08,245 --> 00:35:10,725 Speaker 2: child that you have in your life, Like another child 688 00:35:10,765 --> 00:35:15,085 Speaker 2: it's just inside of you. Because we have all that 689 00:35:15,085 --> 00:35:17,925 Speaker 2: self energy for our children, but not for the children inside. 690 00:35:18,445 --> 00:35:25,725 Speaker 4: That's profound. I would treat her with a lot more kindness, yeah, 691 00:35:26,285 --> 00:35:28,805 Speaker 4: and encouragement and love. 692 00:35:31,565 --> 00:35:34,605 Speaker 2: So choose to check in with her those use the 693 00:35:34,645 --> 00:35:38,805 Speaker 2: four steps one today to check in with her. 694 00:35:39,485 --> 00:35:39,965 Speaker 4: I love that. 695 00:35:40,365 --> 00:35:42,605 Speaker 3: I also love that in the book you talk about 696 00:35:42,645 --> 00:35:45,645 Speaker 3: how you can this isn't a kind of therapy way 697 00:35:45,685 --> 00:35:47,725 Speaker 3: you I mean in terms of practicing it in the 698 00:35:47,765 --> 00:35:48,765 Speaker 3: way you talk about in the book. 699 00:35:48,765 --> 00:35:49,805 Speaker 4: With the check in process. 700 00:35:50,245 --> 00:35:52,445 Speaker 3: You can do it throughout the day whenever you need it, 701 00:35:52,525 --> 00:35:55,565 Speaker 3: like it's not, it's not you know, set aside half 702 00:35:55,605 --> 00:35:56,325 Speaker 3: a day for. 703 00:35:56,365 --> 00:35:59,565 Speaker 2: The work, all day, throughout the day, whenever you aret Yeah, 704 00:35:59,605 --> 00:36:01,605 Speaker 2: whenever you need it. Is it when you need it. 705 00:36:02,045 --> 00:36:04,565 Speaker 3: Moving on a little bit, a lot of your earlier 706 00:36:04,565 --> 00:36:06,725 Speaker 3: work and I know your work still is about manifesting, 707 00:36:06,765 --> 00:36:09,005 Speaker 3: and a lot of people roll their eyes about that 708 00:36:09,045 --> 00:36:12,085 Speaker 3: wood I want to know what they don't understand about it. 709 00:36:12,725 --> 00:36:15,685 Speaker 2: Well, people might be rolling their eyes too, because it's 710 00:36:15,725 --> 00:36:18,165 Speaker 2: gotten so sensationalized, you know what I mean. It's like 711 00:36:18,245 --> 00:36:24,645 Speaker 2: kind of But manifesting is just natural state. We're always attracting. 712 00:36:25,245 --> 00:36:29,245 Speaker 2: We're always attracting what we believe. We're attracting who we are, 713 00:36:29,365 --> 00:36:32,525 Speaker 2: We attract the energy we put out, and so when 714 00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:37,605 Speaker 2: we choose to realign with more high vibrational thoughts and 715 00:36:37,605 --> 00:36:40,245 Speaker 2: feelings and beliefs, we start to actually attract more of 716 00:36:40,285 --> 00:36:42,925 Speaker 2: what we want. And so that's when people start to 717 00:36:42,925 --> 00:36:45,565 Speaker 2: think of manifesting, Oh I'm getting that thing I want, 718 00:36:45,645 --> 00:36:47,485 Speaker 2: or that things started to show up in my life, 719 00:36:47,565 --> 00:36:51,205 Speaker 2: or I started to get the exact relationship I was 720 00:36:51,245 --> 00:36:54,085 Speaker 2: looking for. Well, not just because you're playing tricks with 721 00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:57,445 Speaker 2: the universe, but because you're aligning with the feeling that 722 00:36:57,485 --> 00:36:59,765 Speaker 2: you want to assume or the belief that you want 723 00:36:59,805 --> 00:37:02,445 Speaker 2: to assume, and when you believe it and you feel 724 00:37:02,445 --> 00:37:04,125 Speaker 2: it and you become a match for it. 725 00:37:04,965 --> 00:37:08,965 Speaker 3: Do you think that people maybe misunderstand and maybe they don't. 726 00:37:09,005 --> 00:37:11,365 Speaker 3: Maybe I'm getting this wrong, but the sort of literal 727 00:37:11,485 --> 00:37:13,525 Speaker 3: nature of it. So a friend of mine, for example, 728 00:37:13,565 --> 00:37:17,445 Speaker 3: she's divorced, she's very she's done a lot of self 729 00:37:17,485 --> 00:37:20,525 Speaker 3: help work. I suppose we'd say she is very ready 730 00:37:20,525 --> 00:37:23,645 Speaker 3: for a part a new partner, and she has been 731 00:37:24,005 --> 00:37:26,605 Speaker 3: saying that she's she feels like she's putting all those 732 00:37:26,605 --> 00:37:29,165 Speaker 3: things out there and nothing is happening, and she's like, 733 00:37:29,205 --> 00:37:33,165 Speaker 3: my energy must be off. I'm manifesting wrong. You know, 734 00:37:33,365 --> 00:37:36,565 Speaker 3: she's kind of using that now as a weapon on herself. 735 00:37:36,605 --> 00:37:39,765 Speaker 3: Is that a misunderstanding of what manifesting is? 736 00:37:39,965 --> 00:37:40,805 Speaker 2: Yeah, very much. 737 00:37:40,845 --> 00:37:40,885 Speaker 3: So. 738 00:37:41,885 --> 00:37:46,805 Speaker 2: You know, I think that the energy being off is 739 00:37:46,845 --> 00:37:51,165 Speaker 2: because the beliefs are off. Give her self help. Yes, 740 00:37:52,285 --> 00:37:55,805 Speaker 2: that's my best manifesting book, because self help will give 741 00:37:55,885 --> 00:37:59,645 Speaker 2: you the healing from the inside out right, And you 742 00:37:59,685 --> 00:38:02,285 Speaker 2: know that when we heal the core beliefs, then that's 743 00:38:02,325 --> 00:38:04,325 Speaker 2: when everything starts to heal and change in her. 744 00:38:04,245 --> 00:38:05,885 Speaker 4: Life very quickly. 745 00:38:05,965 --> 00:38:07,885 Speaker 3: Before we go, I want to just get a couple 746 00:38:07,925 --> 00:38:10,845 Speaker 3: of practical tips for our listeners. I know that you 747 00:38:10,925 --> 00:38:13,845 Speaker 3: have been meditating your whole life pretty much, I think. 748 00:38:13,885 --> 00:38:16,085 Speaker 2: Since I was about fifteen. 749 00:38:16,205 --> 00:38:17,485 Speaker 4: Yeah, this is meditation. 750 00:38:17,685 --> 00:38:19,845 Speaker 3: Is what the universe keeps telling me to do I'm 751 00:38:19,885 --> 00:38:22,405 Speaker 3: constantly getting and I haven't quite nailed it yet. 752 00:38:22,445 --> 00:38:26,805 Speaker 4: But I love that you. I've read you say before. 753 00:38:26,725 --> 00:38:30,165 Speaker 3: That you literally put time for that kind of reflection 754 00:38:30,245 --> 00:38:33,405 Speaker 3: in your calendar so that it's unquestionable. 755 00:38:33,405 --> 00:38:35,245 Speaker 4: The team knows you're doing it. Yeah, you do it 756 00:38:35,245 --> 00:38:35,885 Speaker 4: before lunch. 757 00:38:36,285 --> 00:38:37,805 Speaker 3: Just tell me a bit about that, because I think 758 00:38:37,845 --> 00:38:38,685 Speaker 3: that a lot of people. 759 00:38:38,525 --> 00:38:40,525 Speaker 4: Are like, I can't make time for myself. 760 00:38:40,845 --> 00:38:42,765 Speaker 3: So could you give us just a cup before we go, 761 00:38:42,845 --> 00:38:45,805 Speaker 3: a couple of practical tips for how to carve out 762 00:38:45,845 --> 00:38:48,925 Speaker 3: the time that you need to get your energy right. 763 00:38:49,325 --> 00:38:52,005 Speaker 2: Oh, I'll give you even better than a tip. I 764 00:38:52,125 --> 00:38:55,045 Speaker 2: created the most amazing thing. I'm going to give it 765 00:38:55,045 --> 00:38:59,365 Speaker 2: to you and your listeners can can access it at 766 00:38:59,365 --> 00:39:02,125 Speaker 2: a link I'll give you. I created a twenty one 767 00:39:02,205 --> 00:39:09,285 Speaker 2: day Trust the Universe challenge. It's fabulous. It's so so good. 768 00:39:10,685 --> 00:39:12,645 Speaker 2: I love it. I'm doing it. I'm on D twelve. 769 00:39:12,725 --> 00:39:14,125 Speaker 2: It's rough in my world. 770 00:39:14,045 --> 00:39:17,325 Speaker 3: So you do your You still do your own challenges 771 00:39:17,325 --> 00:39:18,525 Speaker 3: when you feel the need to do that. 772 00:39:18,725 --> 00:39:21,925 Speaker 2: I always do my own challenges. D twelve my mind, 773 00:39:22,365 --> 00:39:26,685 Speaker 2: and it's it's about realigning your energy with the universe 774 00:39:26,965 --> 00:39:31,085 Speaker 2: and it's extraordinary and it's working. And so just go 775 00:39:31,125 --> 00:39:35,605 Speaker 2: to Deargaby dot com forward slash Universe and it'll be 776 00:39:35,685 --> 00:39:36,125 Speaker 2: right there. 777 00:39:37,125 --> 00:39:38,405 Speaker 4: Thank you so much. 778 00:39:38,845 --> 00:39:41,245 Speaker 3: Reading about you and learning about you this a lot 779 00:39:41,285 --> 00:39:45,005 Speaker 3: more lately, I've realized how much you have. You love 780 00:39:45,045 --> 00:39:47,885 Speaker 3: something that works for you, you learn about it, then. 781 00:39:47,765 --> 00:39:50,525 Speaker 4: You share it. It's my whole very right, that's your 782 00:39:50,645 --> 00:39:54,405 Speaker 4: that's very much your whole thing. Yeah, my last question, 783 00:39:54,885 --> 00:39:57,005 Speaker 4: I know I just said that last question. What are 784 00:39:57,085 --> 00:40:01,325 Speaker 4: we moving towards happiness? Contentment, enlightenment? What is it? What 785 00:40:01,365 --> 00:40:02,845 Speaker 4: should people be moving towards? 786 00:40:03,125 --> 00:40:05,005 Speaker 2: Just happiness? Just just try to be happy. 787 00:40:05,565 --> 00:40:07,485 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for being so generous with your 788 00:40:07,485 --> 00:40:08,045 Speaker 4: time today. 789 00:40:08,205 --> 00:40:11,405 Speaker 2: Thank you. This was a gore interview. I really enjoyed 790 00:40:11,405 --> 00:40:12,245 Speaker 2: it very much. 791 00:40:14,325 --> 00:40:17,005 Speaker 3: Friends, I'm sorry you had to sit through my therapy 792 00:40:17,045 --> 00:40:20,805 Speaker 3: session today, but maybe it was helpful. So here are 793 00:40:20,925 --> 00:40:24,405 Speaker 3: six strong suggestions that I took away from that conversation 794 00:40:24,485 --> 00:40:27,285 Speaker 3: with Gabby Bernstein, the things that I wrote on my 795 00:40:27,405 --> 00:40:31,885 Speaker 3: notebook while we were talking. Right. Number One, you can 796 00:40:31,965 --> 00:40:35,045 Speaker 3: survive this challenge, whatever it is you're going through, by 797 00:40:35,085 --> 00:40:42,005 Speaker 3: remembering all the others you've already survived. Two, ask yourself strongly, 798 00:40:42,805 --> 00:40:46,285 Speaker 3: how do I want to feel? I just think that 799 00:40:46,565 --> 00:40:50,525 Speaker 3: is a really powerful question. Number three, you are strong, 800 00:40:50,845 --> 00:40:55,645 Speaker 3: You're resilient, You've got this. Number four, get quiet. You 801 00:40:55,685 --> 00:40:57,965 Speaker 3: can't hear that in a voice over all the noise. 802 00:40:58,605 --> 00:41:01,005 Speaker 3: I get quiet in my garden, as you know, of course. 803 00:41:01,965 --> 00:41:05,565 Speaker 3: Number five, be clear about what you want and what 804 00:41:05,645 --> 00:41:10,245 Speaker 3: you expect from others. And most of all, number be 805 00:41:10,405 --> 00:41:13,005 Speaker 3: kind to the bits of you that are cruel, sad 806 00:41:13,125 --> 00:41:19,205 Speaker 3: or shouty, because it will be okay. Gabby is coming 807 00:41:19,205 --> 00:41:22,965 Speaker 3: to Australia in May. She's doing live shows in Sydney, 808 00:41:23,045 --> 00:41:25,605 Speaker 3: Brisbane and Melbourne, and if you want to know more 809 00:41:25,645 --> 00:41:28,165 Speaker 3: about them, there's a link in the show notes. If 810 00:41:28,205 --> 00:41:32,045 Speaker 3: you want to learn more about internal family systems, of course, 811 00:41:32,045 --> 00:41:35,805 Speaker 3: there's Gabby's wonderful nobullshit book Self Help, and there's also 812 00:41:35,885 --> 00:41:39,965 Speaker 3: plenty of info from its founder, who Gabby mentioned, Richard C. Schwartz, 813 00:41:40,205 --> 00:41:42,205 Speaker 3: and will put links to those in the show notes too. 814 00:41:43,005 --> 00:41:45,965 Speaker 3: The executive producer of mid his Niama Brown. Our senior 815 00:41:46,005 --> 00:41:49,405 Speaker 3: producer is Grace Ruver. Our producer is Charlie Blackman, and 816 00:41:49,445 --> 00:41:52,205 Speaker 3: we've had audio and sound designed by Jacob Brown. And 817 00:41:52,285 --> 00:41:55,285 Speaker 3: I will be back here next week, not for a 818 00:41:55,365 --> 00:41:59,325 Speaker 3: therapy session, but for a very impressive conversation with a 819 00:41:59,485 --> 00:42:00,845 Speaker 3: very impressive woman. 820 00:42:01,645 --> 00:42:11,285 Speaker 4: Bye.