WEBVTT - Double Trouble

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<v Speaker 1>Young love. Remember that meeting someone at your part time

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<v Speaker 1>horsbow job, where you're together every night, you start making

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<v Speaker 1>eyes at each other and one thing leads to another.

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<v Speaker 1>Soon you're spending the night at their family home and

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<v Speaker 1>having dinner with their parents. Well, that's exactly how Emily

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<v Speaker 1>met Josh.

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<v Speaker 2>We just had such an instant connection at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was quite assertive person where he was like, yep,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm ready to meet your family. Literally within the first

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<v Speaker 2>two months we had met each other's families. His family

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<v Speaker 2>were beautiful, My family were beautiful as well, So we

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<v Speaker 2>both came from quite good people around us.

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<v Speaker 3>And then our relationship just grew.

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<v Speaker 1>And when you meet someone so young, it really only

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<v Speaker 1>goes one of two ways. You either grow up and

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<v Speaker 1>apart or you grow together, like Emily and Josh did.

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<v Speaker 1>After seven years, they knew each other like the back

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<v Speaker 1>of their own hands and trusted each other implicitly. At

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<v Speaker 1>not even thirty years old, life was only just beginning.

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<v Speaker 2>And then everything came crumbling down one day when my

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<v Speaker 2>sister knocked on my door and said, Emily, I think

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<v Speaker 2>your partner has another girlfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm Georgia Love, and this is everyone has an ex

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<v Speaker 1>come with me as we dive into a collection of

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<v Speaker 1>unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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<v Speaker 1>hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet Emily.

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<v Speaker 1>She's twenty eight now, but our story begins back in

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<v Speaker 1>twenty seventeen, when she was, in her words, just a baby,

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<v Speaker 1>twenty year old.

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<v Speaker 2>Just come out of high school, started studying. I was

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<v Speaker 2>going out a bit more, starting to socialize, meet new guys,

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<v Speaker 2>and had had previous experiences in the past, but not

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<v Speaker 2>an actual long term relationship with someone. Soctually started working

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<v Speaker 2>at a club back in the day, and I developed

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<v Speaker 2>a good connection with one of my colleagues, Josh. I

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<v Speaker 2>then said, look, we're good friends right now. I went

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<v Speaker 2>to Europe, did like a little girl's trip, came back

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<v Speaker 2>and continued to grow with this person that I worked with.

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<v Speaker 2>We had a really good friendship, and I think we

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<v Speaker 2>had a lot of common interest. We both were interested

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<v Speaker 2>in the same things.

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<v Speaker 3>We just got along.

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<v Speaker 2>Really well, started going out and we started to develop

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship. And we were only kids when we met,

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<v Speaker 2>so we were just learning about ourselves. We were just

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<v Speaker 2>starting our degrees, just starting to change jobs, starting to

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<v Speaker 2>figure out whether we're going to stay at home or

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<v Speaker 2>we're going to move out of home. So it was

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<v Speaker 2>a pretty healthy relationship. When I met him, he gave

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<v Speaker 2>me all the things that I wanted. So he was

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<v Speaker 2>this person not from my world. He was someone that

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<v Speaker 2>kind of opened up other avenues where he was someone

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<v Speaker 2>that I was, Oh, person does something that I don't do,

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<v Speaker 2>such as go surfing, lives on the beach. We just

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<v Speaker 2>had things that I found really interesting about him. At

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<v Speaker 2>the time. I was really intrigued by what he was

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<v Speaker 2>studying as well. We were both into health degree, so

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<v Speaker 2>that's where we also had a connection with what we

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to pursue in our careers. So finding someone aligned

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<v Speaker 2>in my career in my life at that time. We

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<v Speaker 2>both had good friends and family as well, so we

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<v Speaker 2>were aligned in our values. But we were also very

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<v Speaker 2>young school still kind of learning our values as well

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<v Speaker 2>of what we want out of people. He was the

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<v Speaker 2>same age as me, so we were both twenty. I

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<v Speaker 2>found him quite I would say handsome, but he was

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<v Speaker 2>still young, so still had those boy features where he

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<v Speaker 2>had fair eyes, light blue eyes, he had brown hair,

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<v Speaker 2>quite a fair complexion. He's European, so he, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>was quite a handsome young man who I was attracted

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<v Speaker 2>to at the time of work. But he had a

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<v Speaker 2>really good personality, so the way he would talk to

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<v Speaker 2>me was very intelligent. From the start, he was a

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<v Speaker 2>very good person to be around, so I found the

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<v Speaker 2>way he would interact and articulate his words was also

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<v Speaker 2>very attractive to me. He was someone kind of at

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<v Speaker 2>my level with interactions, so as an overall, when I

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<v Speaker 2>met him, I was like, Wow, he's like he's smart,

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<v Speaker 2>he's intelligent, he's tall, he's handsome, he's he knows how

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<v Speaker 2>to talk to me. We can hold conversations for hours

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<v Speaker 2>and hours, and that's what you look for, someone that

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<v Speaker 2>you can just basically become best friends with when you

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<v Speaker 2>first meet them. Then we just started to progress and

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<v Speaker 2>started seeing each other. We were pretty quick for our

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<v Speaker 2>families to meet as well, so I think just because

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<v Speaker 2>we just had such an instant connection at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>and he was quite a assertive person where he was like, yep,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm ready to.

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<v Speaker 3>Meet your family.

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<v Speaker 2>Literally within the first two months we had met each

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<v Speaker 2>other's families. His family were beautiful, My family were beautiful

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<v Speaker 2>as well, So we both came from quite good people

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<v Speaker 2>around us, and then our relationship just grew.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, it all sounds pretty great so far, and

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<v Speaker 1>it was. They both lived at home, but they'd stay

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<v Speaker 1>at each other's places, go out for lots of dinners,

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<v Speaker 1>and away for the weekends. It was all just so

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<v Speaker 1>nice and normal. Emily couldn't believe her luck.

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<v Speaker 3>And when you're young, you're not used to this. You're like, oh, wow,

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<v Speaker 3>this guy is adoring you.

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<v Speaker 2>He just takes you everywhere, like treats you how you

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<v Speaker 2>should be treated in your relationship. So if you wanted

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<v Speaker 2>to go for dinner here, books at here, we want

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<v Speaker 2>to go our way for a weekend book this, we

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<v Speaker 2>would go shopping.

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<v Speaker 3>He would buy things for me, you know, just doing

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<v Speaker 3>the little things.

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<v Speaker 2>He was very loving and acts of service was what

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<v Speaker 2>he brought to me at such a young age as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Over so, I would say the first two years, we

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<v Speaker 2>just continue to grow with each other. He finished his degree,

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<v Speaker 2>we started to think about maybe moving out in the

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<v Speaker 2>next few years.

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<v Speaker 3>So our relationship just grew.

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<v Speaker 2>That. We became a lot closer with my friends as well,

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<v Speaker 2>so his friends. He started to lean away from just

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<v Speaker 2>being that. He started to be involved a little bit

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<v Speaker 2>more with my life. So my friends. He was around

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<v Speaker 2>a lot more my family, He started to hang around

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<v Speaker 2>a lot more, and when we looked in the next

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<v Speaker 2>few years, started to progress about moving out together. We

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<v Speaker 2>decided to look at moving somewhere around my area, so

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<v Speaker 2>he was from a different area. So my life started

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<v Speaker 2>to become the bigger version in the relationship, which was

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<v Speaker 2>not bad. He really loved being a part of my

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<v Speaker 2>life at that time. So the progression was that we

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<v Speaker 2>were going to look at moving out, so that's what

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<v Speaker 2>we did. So by the age of around twenty three

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<v Speaker 2>twenty four, we started to look around. We're getting really

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<v Speaker 2>excited or we'd also bought a car as well together,

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<v Speaker 2>and then we did secure a rental at the end

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<v Speaker 2>of around twenty twenty one, I think when around COVID

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<v Speaker 2>kind of happened, so we actually moved out during that

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<v Speaker 2>COVID period. So that was the next big step of

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<v Speaker 2>our relationship. So there was always like goals of moving

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<v Speaker 2>out and then in the next few years probably getting

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<v Speaker 2>engaged and then obviously getting married. In the meantime, I

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<v Speaker 2>was still studying, he was working full time. I was

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<v Speaker 2>also working, so we'll still really working hard in our relationship,

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<v Speaker 2>but we still had our main values, which was to

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<v Speaker 2>move out and move in together.

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<v Speaker 3>Which we did.

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<v Speaker 2>It was so exciting when you move out, like especially

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<v Speaker 2>going to all the open homes in the beginning and

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<v Speaker 2>you're just so excited. You're like, wow, we're going to

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<v Speaker 2>take this next step. We're so in love, Like we

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<v Speaker 2>just could not wait to take this next step and

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<v Speaker 2>be in each other's lives all the time and be

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<v Speaker 2>able to come home from work and have someone there

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<v Speaker 2>and talk about our days and be able to really

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<v Speaker 2>live in our relationship one hundred percent. Because beforehand, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>you go to your parents' house, it's still like a

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<v Speaker 2>dating situation. It's a very different relationship to when you

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<v Speaker 2>move out and you're able to plan the future ahead.

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<v Speaker 2>We were like excited the real test, like, oh, can

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<v Speaker 2>we handle being around each other all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>So some quick maths, it's now twenty twenty one, Emily

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<v Speaker 1>and Joshua twenty four and have been together almost four years.

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<v Speaker 1>It was the perfect time to take this next step.

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<v Speaker 2>The first six months is that honeymoon stage, right, So

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<v Speaker 2>it's maybe similar when people get married and they move

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<v Speaker 2>out as well. You move out and you're like, oh

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<v Speaker 2>my gosh, like this is amazing, you know, you're you

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<v Speaker 2>know physically, emotionally mentally, you're so attracted to each other.

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<v Speaker 2>You just can't wait to just see each other every

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<v Speaker 2>day and be with each other after work, or just

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<v Speaker 2>go out with your friends and just really enjoy each

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<v Speaker 2>other's company.

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<v Speaker 3>You know, you're excited to cook together, you're excited.

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<v Speaker 2>To build the home together, like we were doing all

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<v Speaker 2>this shopping and getting the place really ready for building

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<v Speaker 2>a home. The only issue was that it was during COVID,

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<v Speaker 2>so things started to get restrictive, as you know, so

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<v Speaker 2>we weren't able to do as much outings as we

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<v Speaker 2>wished we could. So when we actually moved out, we

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<v Speaker 2>were kind of forced to stay inside all the time

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<v Speaker 2>and be with just each other, so it was a

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<v Speaker 2>real test. Josh was able to leave and go to

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<v Speaker 2>work because they worked in healthcare. For me, I was

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<v Speaker 2>still studying and my job was from home, so I

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<v Speaker 2>was home a lot of the time. But the satisfaction

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<v Speaker 2>when he came home and being happy started to change.

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<v Speaker 2>He started to not be as happy, started to be

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<v Speaker 2>a little bit more tired, and the way he communicated

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<v Speaker 2>and spoke to me started to change. And at the

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<v Speaker 2>time we looked at it as Oh, it's just because

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<v Speaker 2>when he comes home, it's just me there in that seat.

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<v Speaker 2>He can't really go out and see his friends. We

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<v Speaker 2>can't really go out and see our family. So that

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<v Speaker 2>was a difficult period of our relationship. We were anover

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<v Speaker 2>a fiery couple. We were quite relaxed and we got

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<v Speaker 2>along so well that there was not much to fight about,

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<v Speaker 2>and especially at that time, the only issues was that

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<v Speaker 2>we were come all the time together. There was not

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<v Speaker 2>much space and there was nothing we could do, so

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<v Speaker 2>there wasn't much fighting. It was just more maybe get

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<v Speaker 2>irritable with each other.

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<v Speaker 3>And then COVID finished.

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<v Speaker 2>And we started to go out with friends a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit more. We started to see our families again, but

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<v Speaker 2>there was just some not right. He just still didn't

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<v Speaker 2>seem happy. I started to notice these emotions where he

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't very excited to be home with me anymore. He

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<v Speaker 2>just seemed a bit mellow down, a little bit of

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<v Speaker 2>a concern to be around. And I actually approached him

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<v Speaker 2>about his emotions and how he's been at home, and

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<v Speaker 2>it was simple, just it's just work, like it's just

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<v Speaker 2>so much, you know, it's stressful. It was always about

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<v Speaker 2>his work or his life. It wasn't so much that

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<v Speaker 2>there was anything between us, but something's just not right

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<v Speaker 2>because he's not you know, when it's your relationships not

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<v Speaker 2>one hundred percent, you know when there's just starting to

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<v Speaker 2>have doubts. And that's what started to come in, and

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<v Speaker 2>we kind of started to just become a little bit distant.

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<v Speaker 2>So I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt

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<v Speaker 2>like everything was fine on my end, but he was

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<v Speaker 2>very difficult to communicate that with. So there was one

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<v Speaker 2>day we'd been out with friends and the next morning

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<v Speaker 2>he explained to me that he's not sure he can

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<v Speaker 2>commit to our relationship anymore. I've sat there with him

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<v Speaker 2>on the couch, go what do you mean, what are

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<v Speaker 2>you talking about? And he's just started to explain that

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<v Speaker 2>he's not sure if he made the right decision I

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<v Speaker 2>guess by staying in this relationship, and he's not sure

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<v Speaker 2>he can commit and he doesn't know what it is,

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<v Speaker 2>and started to make all these excuses about why he

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<v Speaker 2>maybe thinks that us being together isn't really a good idea.

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm really not stupid. I'm not oblivious to signs.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's what I said to Migot. There's been nothing like,

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<v Speaker 2>you haven't shown me that there have been issues apart

0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:44.400
<v Speaker 2>from how you've been irritable and tired and stressed or whatever,

0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.480
<v Speaker 2>but you haven't actually communicated to me that there was

0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:48.160
<v Speaker 2>something wrong.

0:11:48.440 --> 0:11:51.760
<v Speaker 1>He wasn't actually breaking up with her, but he certainly

0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:54.880
<v Speaker 1>threw a bomb, and that started a really hard and

0:11:55.000 --> 0:11:56.640
<v Speaker 1>pretty toxic cycle.

0:11:56.800 --> 0:12:00.920
<v Speaker 2>Through end of twenty twenty one to about January. We

0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:05.200
<v Speaker 2>started to have fights, so we started to really become

0:12:05.360 --> 0:12:08.920
<v Speaker 2>intolerable with each other because he just was really changing.

0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:11.200
<v Speaker 2>And then when he said all that, two days later,

0:12:11.360 --> 0:12:13.680
<v Speaker 2>he would pull me aside and say, I'm really sorry.

0:12:13.720 --> 0:12:15.320
<v Speaker 2>I don't mean what I said. You know I love

0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:17.600
<v Speaker 2>you so much, you know I didn't mean why. So

0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:20.440
<v Speaker 2>he starts to kind of love bonb me with his

0:12:20.800 --> 0:12:25.360
<v Speaker 2>emotions of being confused and not sure what's wrong, And

0:12:25.840 --> 0:12:28.120
<v Speaker 2>it just really confused my head. So when someone's telling

0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:30.440
<v Speaker 2>you they can't commit and then someone tells you, actually

0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:32.280
<v Speaker 2>I take it all back, like I'm really sorry, and

0:12:32.320 --> 0:12:34.120
<v Speaker 2>if you love that person, of course you're gonna sit there.

0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:36.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, yes, no worries, that's fine, Like I know

0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:37.320
<v Speaker 2>you're going through something.

0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:39.319
<v Speaker 3>It's all good. I told him.

0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:41.440
<v Speaker 2>I've said I want to fight for this because I

0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:43.920
<v Speaker 2>really love you, I really and truly love you with

0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.400
<v Speaker 2>my heart. And you know we've been together that this

0:12:46.440 --> 0:12:48.360
<v Speaker 2>time was like four or five years. Like there's a

0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:50.079
<v Speaker 2>lot of work to do. When we're young, we can

0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:52.959
<v Speaker 2>work through it. And a feeling of doubt, and that's

0:12:52.960 --> 0:12:55.240
<v Speaker 2>what we would talk about ago. He goes, I think

0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:57.840
<v Speaker 2>I'm having doubts, and I'm not sure why. We were

0:12:57.880 --> 0:12:59.800
<v Speaker 2>always sitting there at night and trying to work out

0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:02.439
<v Speaker 2>why why are you having these doubts anyway, and then

0:13:02.960 --> 0:13:04.800
<v Speaker 2>I always put me in a position where I thought

0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm doing something wrong. Am I not giving him enough love?

0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:09.400
<v Speaker 2>Am I not challenging him enough?

0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:09.640
<v Speaker 3>Am I?

0:13:10.000 --> 0:13:12.040
<v Speaker 2>And then you start to put it on yourself and

0:13:12.080 --> 0:13:14.920
<v Speaker 2>you just don't know what to do. You start to

0:13:15.040 --> 0:13:18.560
<v Speaker 2>feel really insecure in your relationship because your partner's starting

0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:22.360
<v Speaker 2>to throw these words in terms that you've never heard

0:13:22.400 --> 0:13:26.160
<v Speaker 2>before in the last few years, and all of a sudden, Yeah,

0:13:26.240 --> 0:13:29.760
<v Speaker 2>it just starts to confuse you. Really, the end of

0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:32.240
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty ONECE are going to twenty twenty two New

0:13:32.320 --> 0:13:35.920
<v Speaker 2>Year's we had officially had a very big fight and

0:13:36.160 --> 0:13:39.120
<v Speaker 2>I said, I'm just I cannot be treated like this anymore.

0:13:39.120 --> 0:13:41.000
<v Speaker 2>I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want.

0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.560
<v Speaker 2>I can't be told I want you one day and

0:13:43.600 --> 0:13:46.200
<v Speaker 2>I don't want you the next day. I started to

0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.040
<v Speaker 2>take days off from living with him, so we thought

0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.680
<v Speaker 2>maybe giving each other space would be good. So a

0:13:51.679 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 2>few days away from the apartment, I would stay with

0:13:53.760 --> 0:13:57.000
<v Speaker 2>my parents. Obviously, I had a very close relationship with

0:13:57.040 --> 0:13:58.880
<v Speaker 2>my parents, so they knew everything, so it was very

0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.480
<v Speaker 2>fine to go back home to mine. And then he

0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:03.319
<v Speaker 2>would also do the same, So I would come back

0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.280
<v Speaker 2>to the apartment and he would spend a few days

0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:08.680
<v Speaker 2>at his parents. And this went on maybe for about

0:14:08.960 --> 0:14:11.960
<v Speaker 2>one or two months, until I just called it and

0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:15.160
<v Speaker 2>said I'm going to move back home. Throughout that period,

0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.760
<v Speaker 2>he still never gave me one hundred percent. We both

0:14:17.840 --> 0:14:20.320
<v Speaker 2>kind of agreed maybe we should take a relationship back

0:14:20.360 --> 0:14:22.240
<v Speaker 2>and I will move out, and maybe he needs to

0:14:22.280 --> 0:14:25.160
<v Speaker 2>work on himself a little bit more and really prove

0:14:25.240 --> 0:14:25.760
<v Speaker 2>to me that.

0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:26.680
<v Speaker 3>He wants to be with me.

0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:29.440
<v Speaker 2>But the best thing for me right now is to

0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:32.640
<v Speaker 2>move away from him, be a bit more independent. It

0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.320
<v Speaker 2>got to a point where I didn't want to break up,

0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:40.440
<v Speaker 2>but I knew mentally I cannot go through these emotions anymore.

0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:43.640
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't really a break up, more of a break

0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:46.920
<v Speaker 1>because Emily wanted to be with Josh more than anything,

0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:49.920
<v Speaker 1>and soon he realized that's what he wanted.

0:14:49.680 --> 0:14:52.960
<v Speaker 2>To It was just a rollercoaster those periods of two months,

0:14:53.040 --> 0:14:56.640
<v Speaker 2>three months, when you like someone and your heart is

0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:59.520
<v Speaker 2>still in love with that person, you go back.

0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:00.840
<v Speaker 3>That's what happened.

0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:04.280
<v Speaker 2>What he was saying was, this is the biggest mistake

0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:06.680
<v Speaker 2>of my life. I should not have told you to

0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.400
<v Speaker 2>move out. I was just going through some emotions. I

0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:12.680
<v Speaker 2>promise you. I'm just working on myself. Just a few

0:15:12.720 --> 0:15:16.360
<v Speaker 2>months apart, and we'll keep seeing each other. I'm doing

0:15:16.400 --> 0:15:18.160
<v Speaker 2>this because I want to be the best version for

0:15:18.240 --> 0:15:22.200
<v Speaker 2>when we are together in the future. He would say

0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:25.320
<v Speaker 2>about how much he loved me, and how much he

0:15:26.000 --> 0:15:31.240
<v Speaker 2>would say about how it's all about building himself for

0:15:31.400 --> 0:15:33.880
<v Speaker 2>being a better partner later.

0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:34.680
<v Speaker 3>On in life.

0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:39.160
<v Speaker 2>He consistently messaged me every single day, as much as

0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:42.560
<v Speaker 2>I told him maybe we should just lay off speaking

0:15:42.600 --> 0:15:45.160
<v Speaker 2>for a little bit. That was near and possible because

0:15:45.200 --> 0:15:47.200
<v Speaker 2>I would still get my phone calls, I would still

0:15:47.200 --> 0:15:51.120
<v Speaker 2>get constant messages. It was almost like we never broke up.

0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:55.000
<v Speaker 2>Really it was just a break from living together. I

0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.960
<v Speaker 2>thought he might just be going through some emotional things,

0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.240
<v Speaker 2>could have just been a really hard year with everything

0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 2>going on. I put that aside and I said, all right,

0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:05.920
<v Speaker 2>let's work on our relationship. I won't live with you,

0:16:06.440 --> 0:16:09.240
<v Speaker 2>let's keep moving forward. And we did, and we worked

0:16:09.400 --> 0:16:12.480
<v Speaker 2>very hard for the next two years. So I lived

0:16:12.480 --> 0:16:15.640
<v Speaker 2>at home. He continued to live out a home. I

0:16:15.680 --> 0:16:18.960
<v Speaker 2>helped him find his next apartment. So we were very

0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:24.800
<v Speaker 2>much still together, just not living together. We went to weddings,

0:16:25.360 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 2>we traveled, and then we went away in the middle

0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:31.200
<v Speaker 2>of the year to South Australia, did a two three

0:16:31.280 --> 0:16:34.040
<v Speaker 2>week wine trip. We were really excited because we're like, yes,

0:16:34.120 --> 0:16:36.560
<v Speaker 2>this is right, Like we love being with each other,

0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.920
<v Speaker 2>we love traveling. So end of twenty twenty two, I said,

0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:43.480
<v Speaker 2>look for financial reasons, I prefer to live at home.

0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:46.280
<v Speaker 2>Since our relationships working so well, you know, it's really

0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:50.000
<v Speaker 2>not that different. Now everything's fine. Our friends know we're

0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.600
<v Speaker 2>back together, our family know we're back together. We really

0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:56.920
<v Speaker 2>are just working well. We're both loving each other again.

0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.120
<v Speaker 2>It just kind of excelled back to.

0:16:59.080 --> 0:16:59.760
<v Speaker 3>Where we were.

0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 2>The fear of like, oh, he doesn't want to commit

0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:05.639
<v Speaker 2>to me had kind of disappeared in that period because

0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.520
<v Speaker 2>he started to just give me one hundred percent when

0:17:08.560 --> 0:17:10.520
<v Speaker 2>I was with him, and I didn't need to see

0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.800
<v Speaker 2>him every day because he was being a healthy partner

0:17:13.840 --> 0:17:16.320
<v Speaker 2>and that he gave me the things that I wanted

0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:19.399
<v Speaker 2>again and everything was fine. We planned a trip for

0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.480
<v Speaker 2>Europe in twenty twenty three and we traveled to Europe

0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:28.400
<v Speaker 2>for six weeks, went with just us two and the

0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:30.600
<v Speaker 2>only thing I would say about that trip was that

0:17:30.720 --> 0:17:32.840
<v Speaker 2>before we went away, I was thinking like.

0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:33.920
<v Speaker 3>Would he propose?

0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:36.919
<v Speaker 2>And before we left, he kind of said to me

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:39.359
<v Speaker 2>when we were sitting at the airport, and I remember this,

0:17:39.480 --> 0:17:42.159
<v Speaker 2>he said, just letting you know I'm not proposing to

0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:45.160
<v Speaker 2>you because I don't think I can afford it right now.

0:17:45.200 --> 0:17:48.439
<v Speaker 2>And I was like, okay, right, and I go, I

0:17:48.480 --> 0:17:51.120
<v Speaker 2>know that's not what the troop's about. I said, yes,

0:17:51.119 --> 0:17:54.160
<v Speaker 2>because an engagement won't change anything. We've been together for years,

0:17:54.200 --> 0:17:56.520
<v Speaker 2>like I know this person will do it. And I

0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.720
<v Speaker 2>also said to him, I'm not asking for it right now,

0:17:58.760 --> 0:18:01.040
<v Speaker 2>like I understand you're able to show me that you

0:18:01.119 --> 0:18:02.359
<v Speaker 2>love me and that you want to be with me,

0:18:02.480 --> 0:18:05.600
<v Speaker 2>and you're still promising me that future. Then I'm going

0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.040
<v Speaker 2>to agree, day, you don't need for proposing this trip,

0:18:08.119 --> 0:18:09.840
<v Speaker 2>because you can maybe can do it the next one

0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:11.800
<v Speaker 2>that we go on, or the end of the year

0:18:11.880 --> 0:18:14.400
<v Speaker 2>or whatever. There was no I still had that certainty

0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:17.120
<v Speaker 2>from him, because he still showed me that we would

0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:18.800
<v Speaker 2>still be potentially.

0:18:18.359 --> 0:18:20.200
<v Speaker 3>Getting married even when we're away.

0:18:20.280 --> 0:18:23.720
<v Speaker 2>We're like talking about places that could be nice to

0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:27.879
<v Speaker 2>get married, and especially when we were in Amalfi and Italy,

0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.120
<v Speaker 2>we were talking about like, oh gosh, how beautiful would

0:18:30.119 --> 0:18:33.159
<v Speaker 2>be do our wedding here, Like the intentions were always

0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:33.640
<v Speaker 2>still there.

0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:35.560
<v Speaker 3>He started to plan like that we.

0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:39.080
<v Speaker 2>Would get married overseas and maybe a lope overseas and

0:18:39.440 --> 0:18:42.800
<v Speaker 2>have a real intimate wedding with like our closest friends,

0:18:42.960 --> 0:18:48.000
<v Speaker 2>and just really he still painted this picture about getting engaged.

0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:52.520
<v Speaker 2>So we go on our trip. Everything was beautiful. It

0:18:52.560 --> 0:18:55.800
<v Speaker 2>was that European trip. Were traveling everywhere, so in love.

0:18:55.960 --> 0:18:58.000
<v Speaker 2>We're like, oh my gosh, like this is amazing. We

0:18:58.040 --> 0:19:01.440
<v Speaker 2>can't wait to do this again. And then we come

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.760
<v Speaker 2>back and something changes again.

0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:07.280
<v Speaker 3>I don't know what it was. I could not figure

0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:07.640
<v Speaker 3>it out.

0:19:07.720 --> 0:19:11.440
<v Speaker 2>But he starts to become the most up and down

0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:15.840
<v Speaker 2>person I've ever met. So leading up to Europe, everything

0:19:15.920 --> 0:19:17.840
<v Speaker 2>was fine. We go away, we come back, and he

0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:21.119
<v Speaker 2>just becomes a person of doubts and insecurities again.

0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:27.120
<v Speaker 1>It was an absolute rollercoaster, but Emily wanted to stick

0:19:27.160 --> 0:19:29.919
<v Speaker 1>by him and help him. It had been almost seven

0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:33.480
<v Speaker 1>years they've been together now, and she loved him, didn't she.

0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:40.360
<v Speaker 2>We get to around February, he starts to really change,

0:19:40.520 --> 0:19:43.520
<v Speaker 2>and this is a side of him I've never seen before.

0:19:44.240 --> 0:19:47.920
<v Speaker 2>So this is when I start questioning if I want

0:19:47.920 --> 0:19:50.200
<v Speaker 2>to be with this person anymore? Am I really going

0:19:50.240 --> 0:19:53.399
<v Speaker 2>to be waiting around for someone to make up their mind?

0:19:53.680 --> 0:19:59.200
<v Speaker 2>And the way he would talk to me was irritable, angry.

0:20:01.280 --> 0:20:03.760
<v Speaker 2>He didn't treat me how I was treated in the

0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:06.600
<v Speaker 2>first few years. We weren't going out as much anymore.

0:20:07.119 --> 0:20:09.639
<v Speaker 2>He started to not make sense with how he spoke

0:20:09.680 --> 0:20:13.480
<v Speaker 2>to me. His actions just were different. He would not

0:20:13.560 --> 0:20:17.639
<v Speaker 2>touch me anymore, He was less physical, emotionally, started to

0:20:17.680 --> 0:20:21.080
<v Speaker 2>be disconnected and I really noticed it around my friends

0:20:21.080 --> 0:20:23.199
<v Speaker 2>as well. How he started to treat me it was

0:20:23.320 --> 0:20:26.080
<v Speaker 2>quite rude. How he talked about me started to change

0:20:26.080 --> 0:20:30.200
<v Speaker 2>as well. He just became a different person. I always

0:20:30.200 --> 0:20:32.320
<v Speaker 2>gave him the benefit of doubt that maybe it's because

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:35.439
<v Speaker 2>of his work or because of something going on with

0:20:35.480 --> 0:20:37.680
<v Speaker 2>his friends. But it just got to the point where

0:20:37.720 --> 0:20:40.480
<v Speaker 2>there was one night where he started to tell me

0:20:40.520 --> 0:20:43.480
<v Speaker 2>that he had anxiety, and I said, what anxiety. You've

0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:45.200
<v Speaker 2>never had anxiety around me before.

0:20:45.359 --> 0:20:46.040
<v Speaker 3>What's going on?

0:20:46.119 --> 0:20:48.960
<v Speaker 2>And he did have a really big anxiety attack one

0:20:49.080 --> 0:20:50.960
<v Speaker 2>night and woke me up in the middle of the

0:20:51.040 --> 0:20:54.160
<v Speaker 2>night and said he can't breathe and just something's not right.

0:20:54.680 --> 0:20:57.760
<v Speaker 2>So I didn't really do anything about it. I just

0:20:57.920 --> 0:20:58.439
<v Speaker 2>let him be.

0:20:58.640 --> 0:21:00.520
<v Speaker 3>I let him treat me how he wanted to treat me.

0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:06.560
<v Speaker 2>And I continued on until we get to April, and

0:21:06.600 --> 0:21:11.840
<v Speaker 2>then everything came crumbling down one day when my sister.

0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:13.080
<v Speaker 3>Rocked up to my door.

0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:16.560
<v Speaker 2>She knocked to my door and said, Emily, I think

0:21:16.640 --> 0:21:22.240
<v Speaker 2>Josh has another girlfriend. They've been together for two years.

0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:27.920
<v Speaker 1>Meet Olivia in twenty twenty two. She was twenty six

0:21:28.000 --> 0:21:30.639
<v Speaker 1>and just out of a long term relationship when she

0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:33.040
<v Speaker 1>went to work one day in a job in healthcare

0:21:33.440 --> 0:21:35.959
<v Speaker 1>and was on shift with a guy she hadn't met before,

0:21:36.560 --> 0:21:38.160
<v Speaker 1>a guy named Josh.

0:21:38.920 --> 0:21:40.760
<v Speaker 4>We have the same job, but we didn't work in

0:21:40.800 --> 0:21:44.320
<v Speaker 4>the same area. I had to go to his area

0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:46.120
<v Speaker 4>to work that day, so.

0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:47.200
<v Speaker 3>I'd never met him before.

0:21:48.160 --> 0:21:50.960
<v Speaker 4>Initially, at the start of the shift, I didn't think

0:21:51.000 --> 0:21:52.720
<v Speaker 4>anything of it. You just go to work, you're in

0:21:52.800 --> 0:21:56.520
<v Speaker 4>work mode, you just get talking. He came across as

0:21:56.640 --> 0:22:01.760
<v Speaker 4>very confident, but during the ship he asked me a

0:22:01.760 --> 0:22:05.320
<v Speaker 4>lot about myself. So the job was really intense, and

0:22:05.400 --> 0:22:08.480
<v Speaker 4>we were working together one on one for twelve hours.

0:22:09.240 --> 0:22:12.240
<v Speaker 4>That's obviously a lot of time to get to know somebody.

0:22:12.440 --> 0:22:16.400
<v Speaker 4>He came across very charming, very charismatic, wanted to know

0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:19.639
<v Speaker 4>a lot about me, asked a lot of questions during

0:22:19.680 --> 0:22:23.720
<v Speaker 4>the twelve hours. But it started off with just general

0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:28.119
<v Speaker 4>chit chat, but quite quickly it got into quite serious questions.

0:22:28.160 --> 0:22:32.440
<v Speaker 4>He wanted to know about my family, my past relationships,

0:22:32.560 --> 0:22:35.640
<v Speaker 4>what I wanted in a relationship. He had a way

0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:40.520
<v Speaker 4>of asking the questions without it seeming like they were

0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:43.920
<v Speaker 4>too intimate. He asked me a lot about my previous

0:22:44.560 --> 0:22:48.679
<v Speaker 4>boyfriend and why we broke up, and I said, you know,

0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:51.199
<v Speaker 4>we had a great relationship. He was a great person,

0:22:51.280 --> 0:22:54.320
<v Speaker 4>but just wasn't the person for me. And I remember

0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:57.600
<v Speaker 4>saying a few of the reasons why I broke up

0:22:57.640 --> 0:23:02.639
<v Speaker 4>with him, and he and said to me, Oh, they're

0:23:02.760 --> 0:23:05.359
<v Speaker 4>very similar reasons to why I broke up with my

0:23:05.480 --> 0:23:09.199
<v Speaker 4>ex girlfriend. So I'd say that's actually probably how we

0:23:09.240 --> 0:23:10.119
<v Speaker 4>bonded the most.

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:10.720
<v Speaker 3>I would say.

0:23:11.480 --> 0:23:15.160
<v Speaker 4>He spoke a lot about his ex girlfriend, Emily and

0:23:15.720 --> 0:23:20.439
<v Speaker 4>what they were missing in their relationship and what he

0:23:20.520 --> 0:23:24.919
<v Speaker 4>wanted in his next relationship. I then went home that

0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:27.920
<v Speaker 4>night and he'd added me on social media as you do,

0:23:28.359 --> 0:23:32.640
<v Speaker 4>and slid into my DMS, and we just got chatting.

0:23:33.400 --> 0:23:37.440
<v Speaker 4>When I left the shift, I remember driving home and thought, oh, Wow,

0:23:37.480 --> 0:23:39.280
<v Speaker 4>I've met someone that will be in my life for

0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:42.239
<v Speaker 4>a long time. You have that feeling where you know

0:23:42.320 --> 0:23:45.439
<v Speaker 4>that you met them for a reason. That's definitely how

0:23:45.480 --> 0:23:50.240
<v Speaker 4>I felt. I don't know if I knew in what capacity.

0:23:50.800 --> 0:23:54.439
<v Speaker 4>Because of work, it's obviously like a different environment. I

0:23:54.480 --> 0:23:57.000
<v Speaker 4>didn't know if we would just be friends, or if

0:23:57.040 --> 0:24:00.000
<v Speaker 4>we would go out on a date or anything like that.

0:24:00.200 --> 0:24:02.320
<v Speaker 4>But I definitely had the feeling that I'd met someone

0:24:02.400 --> 0:24:03.960
<v Speaker 4>that we had a lot in common with and that

0:24:04.040 --> 0:24:07.480
<v Speaker 4>I'd want to see again. So when he messaged me

0:24:07.560 --> 0:24:11.000
<v Speaker 4>on social media, I did feel happy. I thought, oh,

0:24:11.040 --> 0:24:13.959
<v Speaker 4>he obviously thought it as well. We obviously did have

0:24:14.000 --> 0:24:18.560
<v Speaker 4>the connection. It wasn't just one sided. From that day

0:24:18.720 --> 0:24:22.080
<v Speaker 4>when we messaged each other, that was it. You start

0:24:22.520 --> 0:24:25.639
<v Speaker 4>talking to each other every day, and we did not

0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:28.040
<v Speaker 4>speak to each other for a day from July twenty

0:24:28.040 --> 0:24:31.800
<v Speaker 4>twenty two onwards. I think initially my thing was I

0:24:31.880 --> 0:24:35.440
<v Speaker 4>felt very seen. He seemed to really understand my personality.

0:24:35.520 --> 0:24:39.280
<v Speaker 4>He seemed to really connect with my personality. It seemed

0:24:39.359 --> 0:24:41.520
<v Speaker 4>like I had met the boy version of me.

0:24:41.640 --> 0:24:42.160
<v Speaker 3>Almost.

0:24:42.240 --> 0:24:45.280
<v Speaker 4>When he was asking me questions, he would always say, Oh,

0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:47.879
<v Speaker 4>that's the same as me, or that's what I'm looking for,

0:24:48.000 --> 0:24:50.399
<v Speaker 4>or oh wow, we seem like we really want the

0:24:50.440 --> 0:24:53.919
<v Speaker 4>same things in the future. Even that first shift, I

0:24:54.000 --> 0:24:58.040
<v Speaker 4>remember him comparing me to his family and saying that

0:24:58.800 --> 0:25:01.000
<v Speaker 4>I had a lot in common with his family, and

0:25:01.000 --> 0:25:03.679
<v Speaker 4>he thinks that just things like that, you know my

0:25:03.760 --> 0:25:05.879
<v Speaker 4>sister does that, or you know you have a lot

0:25:05.920 --> 0:25:08.199
<v Speaker 4>in common with my sister, or he would say things like,

0:25:08.240 --> 0:25:10.199
<v Speaker 4>oh my god, it's so weird, like you remind me

0:25:10.240 --> 0:25:11.960
<v Speaker 4>a lot of my family. You would fit in really

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:15.960
<v Speaker 4>well with my family. We spent a lot of time together.

0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:20.600
<v Speaker 4>We spoke every day, we started going out on dates.

0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:24.160
<v Speaker 4>He was definitely the type to want to impress, want

0:25:24.200 --> 0:25:28.080
<v Speaker 4>to wine and dine, You take you out to different restaurants,

0:25:28.160 --> 0:25:32.040
<v Speaker 4>try different wines, things like that. He always thought of

0:25:32.160 --> 0:25:36.600
<v Speaker 4>himself as a romantic and he wanted to convey that

0:25:36.720 --> 0:25:40.840
<v Speaker 4>as well. I would say it was pretty standard the

0:25:40.880 --> 0:25:44.479
<v Speaker 4>way it happened. You just start spending more time together,

0:25:44.800 --> 0:25:47.600
<v Speaker 4>and then a couple of months later, you know, you

0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:51.720
<v Speaker 4>just have the conversation and we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

0:25:51.800 --> 0:25:55.080
<v Speaker 4>So that was maybe three to four months after July.

0:25:55.320 --> 0:25:59.520
<v Speaker 4>We had the conversation that we were together, and that

0:25:59.640 --> 0:26:02.919
<v Speaker 4>was it. I remember thinking that the feeling that I

0:26:03.000 --> 0:26:06.560
<v Speaker 4>have for Josh is very different to the feeling that

0:26:06.600 --> 0:26:09.480
<v Speaker 4>I had for my ex partner. I remember with my

0:26:09.520 --> 0:26:12.119
<v Speaker 4>ex partner, I always felt very safe and secure, and

0:26:12.160 --> 0:26:17.960
<v Speaker 4>with Josh, I always felt excitement. I thought that maybe

0:26:18.000 --> 0:26:21.560
<v Speaker 4>this is what butterflies were. I didn't recognize the feeling.

0:26:21.680 --> 0:26:24.600
<v Speaker 4>I didn't know if it was love. I think it

0:26:24.640 --> 0:26:28.440
<v Speaker 4>was definitely something that I wanted to explore. Because I'd

0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:32.520
<v Speaker 4>only just gotten out of a relationship a couple months earlier,

0:26:33.160 --> 0:26:35.040
<v Speaker 4>I was still very much in the era where I

0:26:35.080 --> 0:26:37.280
<v Speaker 4>was wanting to do things for myself. I was wanting

0:26:37.280 --> 0:26:40.120
<v Speaker 4>to keep my independence. So I would say that probably

0:26:40.160 --> 0:26:43.040
<v Speaker 4>the first year I was a very slow progression, but

0:26:43.520 --> 0:26:46.720
<v Speaker 4>it was fine. It was healthy because we worked in

0:26:46.720 --> 0:26:49.960
<v Speaker 4>the same workplace. We worked in different areas, but I

0:26:50.000 --> 0:26:51.879
<v Speaker 4>did know a lot of the people that he was

0:26:51.920 --> 0:26:53.879
<v Speaker 4>friends with, and he knew a lot of the people

0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:57.119
<v Speaker 4>that I was friends with. So we slowly started to

0:26:57.200 --> 0:27:00.760
<v Speaker 4>just go out into different work things or I would

0:27:00.800 --> 0:27:03.160
<v Speaker 4>meet his friends. But a lot of his friends from

0:27:03.200 --> 0:27:07.160
<v Speaker 4>work I already knew, so it wasn't necessarily getting introduced

0:27:07.320 --> 0:27:10.320
<v Speaker 4>to his friends. It was more just meeting them in

0:27:10.359 --> 0:27:14.520
<v Speaker 4>the capacity of Josh's girlfriend. He was European, one of

0:27:14.520 --> 0:27:17.760
<v Speaker 4>his sisters lived over in Europe, and one of his

0:27:17.840 --> 0:27:21.239
<v Speaker 4>sisters lived quite rurally, so it wasn't easy for us

0:27:21.400 --> 0:27:27.680
<v Speaker 4>to organize to meet his family. Josh's mum lived between

0:27:28.840 --> 0:27:32.600
<v Speaker 4>Europe and Australia, so there was only small windows where

0:27:32.600 --> 0:27:35.439
<v Speaker 4>we would have the opportunity for me to meet her.

0:27:36.480 --> 0:27:39.000
<v Speaker 4>He would always say, like, my mum is really excited

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:41.320
<v Speaker 4>to meet you. My sisters and my mum have heard

0:27:41.320 --> 0:27:43.920
<v Speaker 4>so much about you. They're going to love you. Your

0:27:43.960 --> 0:27:49.800
<v Speaker 4>everything that they kind of envisioned me with. He then

0:27:50.000 --> 0:27:54.040
<v Speaker 4>went to Europe in the middle of twenty twenty three.

0:27:54.560 --> 0:27:57.840
<v Speaker 4>He told me that he had booked that trip prior

0:27:57.880 --> 0:28:00.679
<v Speaker 4>to meeting me a year before with one of his

0:28:00.720 --> 0:28:04.440
<v Speaker 4>best friends. So even though we were together now, he'd

0:28:04.480 --> 0:28:07.520
<v Speaker 4>already booked this Europe trip prior to meeting me. I

0:28:07.560 --> 0:28:09.520
<v Speaker 4>didn't have to leave from work, so I wouldn't have

0:28:09.560 --> 0:28:12.520
<v Speaker 4>been able to go on this Europe trip either. I

0:28:12.560 --> 0:28:15.400
<v Speaker 4>would say when he was in Europe, he was very

0:28:15.440 --> 0:28:18.440
<v Speaker 4>intense with me. He used to message me every day,

0:28:18.600 --> 0:28:21.159
<v Speaker 4>call me all the time, send me a lot of

0:28:21.240 --> 0:28:25.919
<v Speaker 4>voice notes. It had never really been like this before.

0:28:26.000 --> 0:28:29.480
<v Speaker 4>It was always quite it seems like quite a healthy

0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:33.560
<v Speaker 4>relationship initially, And when he was in Europe, I thought

0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:35.439
<v Speaker 4>maybe it was just because he was there and he

0:28:35.520 --> 0:28:37.479
<v Speaker 4>was missing me, and he was sad that he had

0:28:37.560 --> 0:28:40.320
<v Speaker 4>gone to Europe without me. But there was a lot

0:28:40.360 --> 0:28:44.800
<v Speaker 4>of intense conversations, a lot of conversations about the future,

0:28:45.360 --> 0:28:47.040
<v Speaker 4>a lot of how much he loved me, a lot

0:28:47.080 --> 0:28:50.200
<v Speaker 4>of how much he missed me. And then when he

0:28:50.240 --> 0:28:53.240
<v Speaker 4>came back. So this is a year into our relationship.

0:28:53.680 --> 0:28:59.200
<v Speaker 4>In July twenty twenty three, I would say that it

0:28:59.320 --> 0:29:02.040
<v Speaker 4>started to be come a lot more intense. He would

0:29:02.080 --> 0:29:05.440
<v Speaker 4>start talking a lot more about the future. I suppose

0:29:05.480 --> 0:29:07.600
<v Speaker 4>I thought that was normal. We've been together for about

0:29:07.600 --> 0:29:10.480
<v Speaker 4>a year at this point, so I thought that he

0:29:12.240 --> 0:29:14.680
<v Speaker 4>had just kind of realized that I was the person

0:29:14.720 --> 0:29:17.360
<v Speaker 4>that he wanted to be with at this point. I

0:29:17.360 --> 0:29:19.840
<v Speaker 4>would say, throughout the relationship, though it was a lot

0:29:19.840 --> 0:29:24.440
<v Speaker 4>of push and pull, it was never this linear good stage.

0:29:25.040 --> 0:29:29.959
<v Speaker 4>It never felt like a healthy balance of a normal

0:29:30.000 --> 0:29:33.160
<v Speaker 4>relationship to what I thought a normal relationship was. There

0:29:33.200 --> 0:29:35.640
<v Speaker 4>was always good times and bad times. There was always

0:29:35.680 --> 0:29:38.280
<v Speaker 4>times where he was really attentive and then times where

0:29:38.320 --> 0:29:41.480
<v Speaker 4>he wasn't really attentive. So for the first year, the

0:29:41.560 --> 0:29:44.960
<v Speaker 4>ups and downs that we had were definitely more time

0:29:45.000 --> 0:29:47.520
<v Speaker 4>that we could spend with each other because we were

0:29:47.560 --> 0:29:50.560
<v Speaker 4>both so busy. I would say that we would go

0:29:50.600 --> 0:29:52.480
<v Speaker 4>through periods where we were able to see each other

0:29:52.520 --> 0:29:54.320
<v Speaker 4>a lot, and then periods where we weren't able to

0:29:54.320 --> 0:29:56.320
<v Speaker 4>see each other a lot. There'd be periods where he

0:29:56.360 --> 0:29:58.320
<v Speaker 4>was really busy and unable to see me, and then

0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:00.400
<v Speaker 4>periods where he'd want to see me every single day.

0:30:01.200 --> 0:30:03.560
<v Speaker 4>It was just like how you always kind of know,

0:30:04.040 --> 0:30:06.240
<v Speaker 4>like is someone texting you all the time? Is someone

0:30:06.280 --> 0:30:09.600
<v Speaker 4>calling you all the time? Or was he a little

0:30:09.640 --> 0:30:12.200
<v Speaker 4>bit more distant not wanting to talk as much, not

0:30:12.240 --> 0:30:15.080
<v Speaker 4>able to talk, maybe not answering my phone calls for

0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:18.880
<v Speaker 4>a couple of hours or things like that. When I

0:30:18.960 --> 0:30:23.840
<v Speaker 4>first got into a relationship with him, I was pretty anxious,

0:30:24.040 --> 0:30:29.160
<v Speaker 4>I would say. I started going to therapy for anxiety

0:30:29.200 --> 0:30:34.000
<v Speaker 4>around the same time that we had gotten together, and

0:30:34.440 --> 0:30:36.840
<v Speaker 4>I thought that the ups and downs were always me.

0:30:37.200 --> 0:30:40.760
<v Speaker 4>So when I wasn't feeling secure in the relationship, I

0:30:40.760 --> 0:30:44.280
<v Speaker 4>would always think, like, it's just because you're anxious. It's

0:30:44.320 --> 0:30:47.600
<v Speaker 4>your fault. Anything that's going on would just be because

0:30:47.640 --> 0:30:52.160
<v Speaker 4>of you. So I thought that potentially that everything was

0:30:52.200 --> 0:30:55.560
<v Speaker 4>always normal in our relationship and my emotions were the

0:30:55.600 --> 0:30:59.960
<v Speaker 4>ones that changed. I would always end up leave me

0:31:00.120 --> 0:31:03.520
<v Speaker 4>the conversation feeling like I had done something wrong and

0:31:03.600 --> 0:31:06.600
<v Speaker 4>my reaction was the problem, and I would always bring

0:31:06.640 --> 0:31:10.800
<v Speaker 4>something up but leave the conversation apologizing. So the time

0:31:10.920 --> 0:31:13.920
<v Speaker 4>where that kind of became really evident was on my birthday.

0:31:13.920 --> 0:31:16.960
<v Speaker 4>It was my birthday when we were overseas with my

0:31:17.040 --> 0:31:21.160
<v Speaker 4>friend and we had an argument on the phone and

0:31:21.520 --> 0:31:25.120
<v Speaker 4>he made me feel really bad about it, and I

0:31:25.200 --> 0:31:29.760
<v Speaker 4>left the conversation saying to my friend, oh, I expected

0:31:29.760 --> 0:31:31.200
<v Speaker 4>too much on my birthday.

0:31:31.560 --> 0:31:33.320
<v Speaker 3>He did his best. He called me up.

0:31:33.600 --> 0:31:36.000
<v Speaker 4>You know, He's told me that I expected too much

0:31:36.000 --> 0:31:39.480
<v Speaker 4>of him and I should have just been happy with

0:31:39.640 --> 0:31:42.920
<v Speaker 4>what I got from him at that time. I think

0:31:43.040 --> 0:31:45.400
<v Speaker 4>potentially having the space saying it out loud, and then

0:31:45.440 --> 0:31:48.440
<v Speaker 4>also just having a friend to talk to made it

0:31:48.560 --> 0:31:50.920
<v Speaker 4>quite obvious that that wasn't normal.

0:31:51.920 --> 0:31:55.040
<v Speaker 1>After a year together, Olivia decided this maybe wasn't the

0:31:55.080 --> 0:31:58.080
<v Speaker 1>relationship for her. After all, it had been fun, but

0:31:58.280 --> 0:32:01.600
<v Speaker 1>it wasn't too serious. So when she got home from

0:32:01.640 --> 0:32:04.520
<v Speaker 1>her holiday, she decided to call it quits. She told

0:32:04.560 --> 0:32:07.520
<v Speaker 1>him this was and what she wanted, but Josh wouldn't

0:32:07.600 --> 0:32:07.960
<v Speaker 1>let go.

0:32:08.920 --> 0:32:12.520
<v Speaker 4>I was getting messages the next day saying that he

0:32:12.520 --> 0:32:15.959
<v Speaker 4>didn't want to break up and that he will fix it,

0:32:16.240 --> 0:32:18.120
<v Speaker 4>and he doesn't know how he's going to fix it yet,

0:32:18.160 --> 0:32:21.120
<v Speaker 4>but he's going to start going to therapy and he's

0:32:21.200 --> 0:32:22.760
<v Speaker 4>going to be better and he's going to learn a

0:32:22.760 --> 0:32:25.560
<v Speaker 4>lot about it, and he would really like if I

0:32:25.640 --> 0:32:29.360
<v Speaker 4>could stick by him. Everything kind of turned after that.

0:32:29.520 --> 0:32:33.160
<v Speaker 4>It went to a completely different level of a relationship.

0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:38.240
<v Speaker 4>I was completely love bombed. I was getting text messages

0:32:38.280 --> 0:32:41.360
<v Speaker 4>every single day. I was getting phone calls every day,

0:32:42.080 --> 0:32:45.280
<v Speaker 4>big paragraphs and emails and letters, and he would do

0:32:45.400 --> 0:32:48.360
<v Speaker 4>things for me. So he would come to my door

0:32:48.400 --> 0:32:50.600
<v Speaker 4>and he would drop off meals that he'd made for

0:32:50.680 --> 0:32:53.160
<v Speaker 4>me for the whole week, and bring me flowers and

0:32:53.320 --> 0:32:57.560
<v Speaker 4>organize dinners. And it was just zero to one hundred.

0:32:58.360 --> 0:33:02.880
<v Speaker 4>He came and spent Christmas with my family in Queensland.

0:33:03.280 --> 0:33:06.360
<v Speaker 4>He booked his flights. They were obviously expensive over Christmas.

0:33:06.800 --> 0:33:09.760
<v Speaker 4>I think he spent upwards of five hundred dollars.

0:33:09.480 --> 0:33:10.240
<v Speaker 3>To fly there.

0:33:10.400 --> 0:33:12.880
<v Speaker 4>He said that he was really excited. He spoke a

0:33:12.920 --> 0:33:15.560
<v Speaker 4>lot about it. He was excited to meet my family.

0:33:15.880 --> 0:33:18.040
<v Speaker 4>He wanted to know if he could get them presents.

0:33:18.120 --> 0:33:21.120
<v Speaker 4>He was doing all the things that you would expect

0:33:21.480 --> 0:33:24.440
<v Speaker 4>of a loving partner at that time. I would say

0:33:24.440 --> 0:33:29.600
<v Speaker 4>we had a perfect relationship where he was completely devoted

0:33:29.640 --> 0:33:32.800
<v Speaker 4>to me. He was always infatuated with me. He used

0:33:32.800 --> 0:33:35.520
<v Speaker 4>to tell me how great I was, and he would

0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:38.840
<v Speaker 4>send me pictures of things that he would you see

0:33:38.880 --> 0:33:41.560
<v Speaker 4>in a magazine or on Instagram and say I want

0:33:41.600 --> 0:33:44.360
<v Speaker 4>this for our house, or he would just randomly text

0:33:44.400 --> 0:33:45.959
<v Speaker 4>me and say, oh, I think you're going to be

0:33:46.280 --> 0:33:48.600
<v Speaker 4>such a great mother. I can't wait to have children

0:33:48.640 --> 0:33:51.280
<v Speaker 4>with you one day. Or it was just like I

0:33:51.360 --> 0:33:53.960
<v Speaker 4>was the best person in the whole world. And it's

0:33:54.160 --> 0:33:58.800
<v Speaker 4>very hard to not like feeling like that when someone

0:33:58.880 --> 0:34:03.000
<v Speaker 4>is just like absolutely infatuated with everything that you could do,

0:34:03.040 --> 0:34:05.840
<v Speaker 4>and I could do no wrong. And he started doing

0:34:05.840 --> 0:34:07.800
<v Speaker 4>a lot of things that I was doing as well,

0:34:07.840 --> 0:34:11.000
<v Speaker 4>so we were in the same job. I had gone

0:34:11.040 --> 0:34:13.000
<v Speaker 4>back to UNI to study something, and then all of

0:34:13.040 --> 0:34:15.319
<v Speaker 4>a sudden he wanted to go back to UNI as well,

0:34:15.360 --> 0:34:18.760
<v Speaker 4>and he would want to study something or I remember

0:34:18.840 --> 0:34:21.279
<v Speaker 4>deleting my Instagram because I wanted to have some time

0:34:21.320 --> 0:34:24.000
<v Speaker 4>off social media, so he also deleted his Instagram. And

0:34:24.040 --> 0:34:26.080
<v Speaker 4>he would always just think that every idea that I

0:34:26.120 --> 0:34:29.600
<v Speaker 4>had was honestly, like the best thing ever I could

0:34:29.680 --> 0:34:33.759
<v Speaker 4>have never imagined. April twenty twenty four, when it all

0:34:33.840 --> 0:34:37.240
<v Speaker 4>unraveled the way that it did, I was between night shifts.

0:34:37.520 --> 0:34:40.279
<v Speaker 4>It was probably five pm. I'd just woken up and

0:34:40.320 --> 0:34:42.399
<v Speaker 4>I had a text from Josh and it had said

0:34:42.520 --> 0:34:44.160
<v Speaker 4>can you give me a call? We need to talk.

0:34:44.520 --> 0:34:46.600
<v Speaker 4>I was half asleep at this point, and I call

0:34:46.680 --> 0:34:48.000
<v Speaker 4>him up and I'm like, what do you want, Like,

0:34:48.040 --> 0:34:51.600
<v Speaker 4>I'm getting ready for work, half asleep, and he was like,

0:34:52.880 --> 0:34:56.399
<v Speaker 4>so I really need to tell you something. When we

0:34:56.520 --> 0:35:01.000
<v Speaker 4>first started seeing each other two years ago. There was

0:35:01.040 --> 0:35:05.479
<v Speaker 4>a slight overlap with another girl, and I had said,

0:35:06.760 --> 0:35:09.000
<v Speaker 4>what do you mean by a slight overlap? Just be

0:35:09.239 --> 0:35:12.560
<v Speaker 4>straight with me. We met in July. Let's say we

0:35:12.640 --> 0:35:18.239
<v Speaker 4>didn't have the girlfriend boyfriend chat till November. From November,

0:35:18.440 --> 0:35:21.359
<v Speaker 4>how long was the overlap? And he said until February

0:35:21.680 --> 0:35:25.279
<v Speaker 4>twenty twenty three, and I said, okay, I'm done, and

0:35:25.320 --> 0:35:28.400
<v Speaker 4>I just hung up the phone. He had told me

0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:32.360
<v Speaker 4>about another girl from our workplace that he had seen

0:35:32.719 --> 0:35:37.880
<v Speaker 4>slightly before me. So when he said that, I thought

0:35:38.320 --> 0:35:41.840
<v Speaker 4>that he was talking about this girl at work called Amy.

0:35:42.840 --> 0:35:45.960
<v Speaker 4>And I just continued to get ready for work. And

0:35:46.080 --> 0:35:49.000
<v Speaker 4>he had texted me saying I'm coming over. Don't leave

0:35:49.000 --> 0:35:52.279
<v Speaker 4>for work. I said, do not come over. I won't

0:35:52.320 --> 0:35:56.399
<v Speaker 4>be here. I'm going to work, And in the meantime

0:35:56.880 --> 0:36:00.440
<v Speaker 4>he came over. He pulled up at my house and

0:36:00.640 --> 0:36:04.400
<v Speaker 4>messaged me saying I'm outside, let's talk. Just as I

0:36:04.440 --> 0:36:08.080
<v Speaker 4>was about to go outside, I got a message from

0:36:08.120 --> 0:36:14.760
<v Speaker 4>Emily and it said something like, hey, Olivia, my name's Emily.

0:36:15.640 --> 0:36:19.759
<v Speaker 4>Just in case you didn't know, I have been in

0:36:19.800 --> 0:36:25.000
<v Speaker 4>a relationship with Josh for seven years. And I just

0:36:25.040 --> 0:36:28.240
<v Speaker 4>walked out, calm it. And he was yelling over the fence,

0:36:28.800 --> 0:36:32.239
<v Speaker 4>this doesn't change anything. We've been doing so well. I

0:36:32.280 --> 0:36:34.239
<v Speaker 4>still love you. You're the one that I want to

0:36:34.280 --> 0:36:37.560
<v Speaker 4>be with. And I just held up the phone and

0:36:37.600 --> 0:36:40.680
<v Speaker 4>I said, look, she's messaged me. This photo that she's

0:36:40.760 --> 0:36:45.279
<v Speaker 4>just sent me is date stamped from January. That's not

0:36:45.320 --> 0:36:49.120
<v Speaker 4>February twenty twenty three. And he was saying, no, she's crazy,

0:36:49.200 --> 0:36:53.479
<v Speaker 4>she's crazy. Don't believe her. I was like, babe, it's

0:36:53.600 --> 0:36:56.760
<v Speaker 4>time stamped. Like you, just stop lying to me, Stop

0:36:56.800 --> 0:36:59.879
<v Speaker 4>lying to me, and just admit to what you've done

0:37:00.080 --> 0:37:03.360
<v Speaker 4>because there's evidence here. I'm not going to believe you.

0:37:04.280 --> 0:37:07.920
<v Speaker 4>Stop with the act. And he just kind of was

0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:12.719
<v Speaker 4>silent and he wasn't saying anything. I said, let me

0:37:12.760 --> 0:37:14.720
<v Speaker 4>make it easy for you, because you've got a small

0:37:14.719 --> 0:37:18.120
<v Speaker 4>little brain. I'm going to ask you some simple questions.

0:37:19.000 --> 0:37:22.200
<v Speaker 4>Have you slept with her this year? And he said yes.

0:37:22.440 --> 0:37:24.919
<v Speaker 4>And then I made him come over and I said

0:37:24.920 --> 0:37:27.399
<v Speaker 4>look at me in the eye. And he came over

0:37:27.520 --> 0:37:30.160
<v Speaker 4>and I said, I'll never forgive you, never speak to

0:37:30.200 --> 0:37:31.720
<v Speaker 4>me again.

0:37:32.120 --> 0:37:33.759
<v Speaker 3>And then I just walked back inside and I went

0:37:33.800 --> 0:37:34.160
<v Speaker 3>to work.

0:37:35.320 --> 0:37:40.000
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we're all caught up one guy, two girls, same time.

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:43.000
<v Speaker 1>So let's go back to Emily and his sister and

0:37:43.040 --> 0:37:44.560
<v Speaker 1>dig into what she found out.

0:37:46.520 --> 0:37:49.120
<v Speaker 2>So when my sister came over and saw me, she

0:37:49.280 --> 0:37:54.520
<v Speaker 2>showed me a message and it was stating that Josh

0:37:54.760 --> 0:37:58.960
<v Speaker 2>has another girlfriend from work for the last two years

0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:02.880
<v Speaker 2>and everyone knows. And I go, what are you talking about?

0:38:03.040 --> 0:38:05.640
<v Speaker 2>And I go to my sister, where did you get

0:38:05.640 --> 0:38:07.920
<v Speaker 2>this from? And she goes, look, I'm not sure, but

0:38:08.800 --> 0:38:13.359
<v Speaker 2>there's a photo of Josh with the other woman and

0:38:14.200 --> 0:38:16.640
<v Speaker 2>this can't be real. At first, you go, no, no way.

0:38:16.760 --> 0:38:19.839
<v Speaker 2>I literally thought, there's no way. He's not capable of that.

0:38:19.920 --> 0:38:22.200
<v Speaker 2>Where would he find the time to have another girlfriend?

0:38:22.239 --> 0:38:24.080
<v Speaker 2>That was the first thought through my head, like who

0:38:24.080 --> 0:38:26.960
<v Speaker 2>has time like for one relationship, let alone another one.

0:38:27.640 --> 0:38:30.359
<v Speaker 2>So I had a chat to the person that sent

0:38:30.400 --> 0:38:34.239
<v Speaker 2>the photo to my sister, and that person began to

0:38:34.680 --> 0:38:38.000
<v Speaker 2>explain everything to me and said, look, Emily, I'm really

0:38:38.040 --> 0:38:42.759
<v Speaker 2>really sorry. Basically, everyone knows that Josh has been in

0:38:42.760 --> 0:38:47.439
<v Speaker 2>a relationship with Olivia for the last two years. These

0:38:47.440 --> 0:38:50.239
<v Speaker 2>are the photos of them. I don't know what else

0:38:50.280 --> 0:38:53.720
<v Speaker 2>to say to you, but yeah, he's got another partner.

0:38:54.160 --> 0:38:59.279
<v Speaker 2>And when I heard those words, I actually didn't doubt it.

0:38:59.400 --> 0:39:03.120
<v Speaker 2>I go, okay, you know what, I think this makes

0:39:03.200 --> 0:39:06.439
<v Speaker 2>sense because I've been feeling like something was not right

0:39:06.640 --> 0:39:08.040
<v Speaker 2>and now I think I finally know.

0:39:08.200 --> 0:39:09.359
<v Speaker 3>But of course I'm sick to.

0:39:09.320 --> 0:39:12.360
<v Speaker 2>My stomach because I'm just trying to register that my

0:39:12.520 --> 0:39:13.880
<v Speaker 2>partner has another partner.

0:39:14.280 --> 0:39:14.839
<v Speaker 3>What do I do?

0:39:14.840 --> 0:39:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Do I confront him in person? Do I say something

0:39:17.080 --> 0:39:19.279
<v Speaker 2>over the phone? You don't really know how to handle it.

0:39:19.320 --> 0:39:21.719
<v Speaker 2>And at that time, I just thought, look, I know

0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:23.759
<v Speaker 2>when he's going to call me. It's four thirty in

0:39:23.800 --> 0:39:26.399
<v Speaker 2>the afternoon. He's just going to wake up from being

0:39:26.440 --> 0:39:28.320
<v Speaker 2>asleep because he has a night shift tonight.

0:39:28.960 --> 0:39:29.560
<v Speaker 3>I'll have a.

0:39:29.440 --> 0:39:33.319
<v Speaker 2>Conversation with him on the phone. So I had my

0:39:33.360 --> 0:39:34.759
<v Speaker 2>sister there at the time, so it was good to

0:39:34.800 --> 0:39:37.880
<v Speaker 2>have someone with me. And I was very straight to

0:39:37.920 --> 0:39:43.960
<v Speaker 2>the point he called me. I said, okay, who is Olivia?

0:39:44.160 --> 0:39:47.640
<v Speaker 2>And he kind of gasped, what are you talking about?

0:39:47.719 --> 0:39:51.080
<v Speaker 2>I go, no, you tell me who Olivia is and

0:39:51.120 --> 0:39:54.880
<v Speaker 2>then we can continue the conversation. And then he starts

0:39:54.920 --> 0:39:56.840
<v Speaker 2>to say, I don't know where you're getting this from.

0:39:57.480 --> 0:39:59.680
<v Speaker 2>What are you talking about. I'm on a highway right now.

0:39:59.760 --> 0:40:02.759
<v Speaker 2>How day you start talking to me like this. I'm

0:40:02.800 --> 0:40:05.040
<v Speaker 2>on the way to work. I go, no, no, no,

0:40:05.280 --> 0:40:08.000
<v Speaker 2>you need to tell me. Have you had another girlfriend

0:40:08.200 --> 0:40:12.160
<v Speaker 2>for the last two years from work named Olivia? And

0:40:12.200 --> 0:40:15.879
<v Speaker 2>then he proceeds to say no, I haven't. I don't

0:40:15.880 --> 0:40:18.279
<v Speaker 2>know where you're getting this from. I go, have you

0:40:18.920 --> 0:40:21.719
<v Speaker 2>hooked up with someone else while you've been a relationship

0:40:21.760 --> 0:40:24.759
<v Speaker 2>with me for the last seven years? And then it

0:40:24.800 --> 0:40:29.520
<v Speaker 2>goes quiet, and he's like, okay, I've kissed someone. You've

0:40:29.600 --> 0:40:33.040
<v Speaker 2>kissed someone, And obviously my reaction starts to become reactive.

0:40:33.160 --> 0:40:36.560
<v Speaker 2>So little by little he starts to say, look, I

0:40:36.600 --> 0:40:37.560
<v Speaker 2>can't talk right now.

0:40:37.680 --> 0:40:38.520
<v Speaker 3>I'm on the highway.

0:40:38.560 --> 0:40:40.719
<v Speaker 2>Please let me pull over and we can talk about

0:40:40.760 --> 0:40:43.880
<v Speaker 2>this in five ten minutes. So he hangs up the

0:40:43.880 --> 0:40:46.360
<v Speaker 2>phone and I go to my sister, Oh my gosh,

0:40:46.719 --> 0:40:48.600
<v Speaker 2>I don't believe him, like I actually think he's got

0:40:48.600 --> 0:40:52.200
<v Speaker 2>another partner. So I found out the girl's name and

0:40:52.320 --> 0:40:55.680
<v Speaker 2>I said, look, in that interim period where he was

0:40:55.840 --> 0:41:02.320
<v Speaker 2>pulling over, I messaged the other girl and I said, hi, Olivia,

0:41:03.360 --> 0:41:05.520
<v Speaker 2>my name's Emily, just letting you know I've been a

0:41:05.560 --> 0:41:09.120
<v Speaker 2>relationship with Josh for the last seven years. I highly

0:41:09.200 --> 0:41:11.759
<v Speaker 2>doubt you had any idea about this, but I'd really

0:41:11.800 --> 0:41:14.719
<v Speaker 2>like to talk to you, and here's some photos of

0:41:14.800 --> 0:41:17.440
<v Speaker 2>us for the last few months, just in case you

0:41:17.520 --> 0:41:18.200
<v Speaker 2>wanted to see.

0:41:18.239 --> 0:41:19.399
<v Speaker 3>If she doesn't believe me.

0:41:19.960 --> 0:41:22.560
<v Speaker 1>So Olivia called. She wanted to know what the hell

0:41:22.640 --> 0:41:23.319
<v Speaker 1>was going on too.

0:41:24.120 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 2>Basically that phone conversation was Olivia explaining to me that

0:41:28.719 --> 0:41:33.600
<v Speaker 2>she'd been with my partner, Josh for the last two years.

0:41:33.640 --> 0:41:36.640
<v Speaker 2>They'd met at work, they were planning to move out

0:41:36.840 --> 0:41:41.680
<v Speaker 2>in the middle of the year. Basically every single aspect

0:41:41.800 --> 0:41:45.200
<v Speaker 2>of his life was a lie to me. First, it

0:41:45.280 --> 0:41:50.239
<v Speaker 2>was really angry, and my heart just sank just through me.

0:41:50.360 --> 0:41:54.040
<v Speaker 2>I just felt like I'd been actually hit by a

0:41:54.080 --> 0:41:57.680
<v Speaker 2>truck because I just you would never think tomorrow that

0:41:58.480 --> 0:42:01.319
<v Speaker 2>your partner's just been with someone for them, not just

0:42:01.880 --> 0:42:05.200
<v Speaker 2>cheated on you, but had another relationship with someone else.

0:42:05.600 --> 0:42:08.000
<v Speaker 2>But I think my mind didn't register what was going on,

0:42:08.160 --> 0:42:11.320
<v Speaker 2>so I wasn't even able to cry. I had no emotion.

0:42:11.480 --> 0:42:15.640
<v Speaker 2>I was just really confused and I wasn't sure how

0:42:15.640 --> 0:42:18.319
<v Speaker 2>to process it. And as soon as I'd found out,

0:42:18.360 --> 0:42:21.040
<v Speaker 2>I just kind of felt like, this can't be real.

0:42:21.200 --> 0:42:21.839
<v Speaker 3>This isn't real.

0:42:21.880 --> 0:42:23.719
<v Speaker 2>I'm in a dream and it's you know, it's a

0:42:23.800 --> 0:42:26.719
<v Speaker 2>very typical line to say, but really you sit down

0:42:26.760 --> 0:42:29.160
<v Speaker 2>and you just don't feel like it's real life, because

0:42:29.920 --> 0:42:31.600
<v Speaker 2>five minutes ago I was waiting for him to call

0:42:31.640 --> 0:42:34.000
<v Speaker 2>me before he goes to work, and now I'm finding

0:42:34.000 --> 0:42:37.880
<v Speaker 2>out that he's had another girlfriend and he's setting up

0:42:37.920 --> 0:42:41.759
<v Speaker 2>a life with someone else. When I feel like understanding

0:42:41.960 --> 0:42:45.120
<v Speaker 2>in that moment, there was no like the emotional side

0:42:45.120 --> 0:42:47.200
<v Speaker 2>of it was completely cut. It was just this like

0:42:47.960 --> 0:42:51.640
<v Speaker 2>numbness and I don't know what to do and what

0:42:51.680 --> 0:42:52.440
<v Speaker 2>do I do next.

0:42:52.680 --> 0:42:54.000
<v Speaker 1>Olivia felt the same.

0:42:54.480 --> 0:42:57.360
<v Speaker 4>Initially, I didn't have, yeah, the feelings of sadness. I

0:42:57.440 --> 0:43:00.000
<v Speaker 4>just had the feelings of warning to understand it, because

0:43:00.000 --> 0:43:04.480
<v Speaker 4>because it's your mind can't comprehend something that is so unfathomable,

0:43:04.600 --> 0:43:07.959
<v Speaker 4>like surely this only happens in movies. So I spoke

0:43:08.000 --> 0:43:10.120
<v Speaker 4>to her on the way to work and we started

0:43:10.200 --> 0:43:13.480
<v Speaker 4>kind of surface level, getting to the bottom of a

0:43:13.520 --> 0:43:16.920
<v Speaker 4>few things, and then we said, you know, let's meet

0:43:16.960 --> 0:43:20.120
<v Speaker 4>up for coffee the next day after I'd had a sleep,

0:43:20.440 --> 0:43:24.320
<v Speaker 4>and we went through pretty much the last two years

0:43:24.360 --> 0:43:25.840
<v Speaker 4>of our lives.

0:43:26.200 --> 0:43:28.960
<v Speaker 2>We both just gave each other all the truth that

0:43:29.000 --> 0:43:32.879
<v Speaker 2>we needed to hear. I found out there was also

0:43:32.920 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 2>another woman as well, so he did wasn't just with

0:43:36.719 --> 0:43:40.640
<v Speaker 2>one partner for the last two years. I actually found

0:43:40.680 --> 0:43:43.560
<v Speaker 2>out that the reason why we've broken up in the

0:43:43.640 --> 0:43:46.120
<v Speaker 2>end of twenty twenty one was because he cheated on

0:43:46.200 --> 0:43:50.160
<v Speaker 2>me with another woman from work named Amy, who he

0:43:50.280 --> 0:43:52.440
<v Speaker 2>had been on and off scene between the end of

0:43:52.440 --> 0:43:55.160
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty one between twenty twenty two.

0:43:55.760 --> 0:43:58.879
<v Speaker 3>There was quite an overlap of three girls in that year.

0:44:00.040 --> 0:44:03.760
<v Speaker 2>Few weeks before, Josh comes over to my house and says,

0:44:04.360 --> 0:44:06.239
<v Speaker 2>I'm so sick of my mates, you know, they just

0:44:06.560 --> 0:44:08.360
<v Speaker 2>He kind of painted this picture that he's had a

0:44:08.360 --> 0:44:11.000
<v Speaker 2>really big falling out with his friends and the wedding

0:44:11.160 --> 0:44:12.920
<v Speaker 2>we were planning to go to this wedding in a

0:44:12.960 --> 0:44:16.000
<v Speaker 2>few weeks that was going to be our first wedding

0:44:16.040 --> 0:44:18.520
<v Speaker 2>of his friends. He told me, oh, I don't want

0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:20.600
<v Speaker 2>to go anymore because I'm just so sick of my mates.

0:44:20.600 --> 0:44:23.239
<v Speaker 2>They just can't make their minds up about something. I

0:44:23.320 --> 0:44:25.200
<v Speaker 2>feel like they're just not the right people around me.

0:44:26.000 --> 0:44:28.240
<v Speaker 2>He always kind of explained to me that his friends

0:44:28.239 --> 0:44:31.600
<v Speaker 2>were never really good people, just never showed up.

0:44:31.640 --> 0:44:34.759
<v Speaker 3>They didn't have very good values. So he painted that

0:44:34.800 --> 0:44:35.359
<v Speaker 3>to me at the.

0:44:35.280 --> 0:44:38.640
<v Speaker 2>Time, and he made me believe that he had a

0:44:38.680 --> 0:44:42.160
<v Speaker 2>falling out with the groom of the wedding that was coming.

0:44:42.000 --> 0:44:45.400
<v Speaker 3>Up in the next two weeks, so he had a

0:44:45.520 --> 0:44:47.000
<v Speaker 3>shift that day.

0:44:47.000 --> 0:44:49.360
<v Speaker 2>Of the wedding, And leading up to that, I was like,

0:44:49.400 --> 0:44:50.719
<v Speaker 2>are you sure, like you're not going to go to

0:44:50.800 --> 0:44:53.040
<v Speaker 2>the wedding because he has no like I don't care

0:44:53.040 --> 0:44:53.719
<v Speaker 2>about this guy.

0:44:53.800 --> 0:44:55.200
<v Speaker 3>I just you know, I don't want to go to

0:44:55.280 --> 0:44:55.640
<v Speaker 3>the wedding.

0:44:55.640 --> 0:44:59.759
<v Speaker 2>We're not talking at the moment. So in my head

0:45:00.080 --> 0:45:01.640
<v Speaker 2>thought he was going to work that day.

0:45:01.920 --> 0:45:04.279
<v Speaker 3>And the thing is he actually was.

0:45:04.239 --> 0:45:09.160
<v Speaker 2>At mine the night before and we packed his lunch.

0:45:09.840 --> 0:45:12.440
<v Speaker 3>And his uniform was all laid out for work.

0:45:12.239 --> 0:45:15.359
<v Speaker 2>The next day, and he set the alarm for four

0:45:15.440 --> 0:45:19.640
<v Speaker 2>point thirty five in the morning and got up, got ready,

0:45:20.360 --> 0:45:24.640
<v Speaker 2>literally said goodbye, Emily, I'm going to work, and I'm

0:45:24.680 --> 0:45:26.360
<v Speaker 2>my gosh, like, you know, it sucks you're going to

0:45:26.360 --> 0:45:29.799
<v Speaker 2>work today. You know, have a great day. He's like, yeah, like,

0:45:29.960 --> 0:45:31.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, it doesn't matter.

0:45:31.160 --> 0:45:33.240
<v Speaker 3>You know, I don't really want to go to this wedding.

0:45:34.320 --> 0:45:38.799
<v Speaker 2>The man literally left my house in uniform only to

0:45:38.840 --> 0:45:42.200
<v Speaker 2>probably get change in the cart and drive home and

0:45:42.239 --> 0:45:47.200
<v Speaker 2>get ready to go to the wedding with Olivia, and

0:45:47.239 --> 0:45:49.239
<v Speaker 2>that was not the first time he'd left mine and

0:45:49.280 --> 0:45:51.760
<v Speaker 2>put his uniform on and pretended to go to work.

0:45:52.080 --> 0:45:55.040
<v Speaker 2>That was a massive theme that we figured out when

0:45:55.080 --> 0:45:56.880
<v Speaker 2>we'd met up with each other, and that's why I

0:45:56.960 --> 0:45:59.120
<v Speaker 2>learned that he'd made fake rosters and sent them to me.

0:45:59.239 --> 0:46:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Throughout the last fewyears of our relationships, I'd never actually

0:46:02.040 --> 0:46:05.440
<v Speaker 2>seen a real roster of their work until I'd met Olivia.

0:46:05.480 --> 0:46:08.200
<v Speaker 4>Obviously, because we worked together, he couldn't lie to me

0:46:08.440 --> 0:46:11.319
<v Speaker 4>as much about his day to day life, so I

0:46:11.360 --> 0:46:15.040
<v Speaker 4>think I was probably lied to less. I knew more

0:46:15.040 --> 0:46:16.920
<v Speaker 4>about his day to day life. I knew more about

0:46:16.920 --> 0:46:19.759
<v Speaker 4>his work, I knew more about his friends. And I

0:46:19.800 --> 0:46:21.799
<v Speaker 4>had said to you, like, what did you think he

0:46:21.880 --> 0:46:23.319
<v Speaker 4>was doing on his Birthday?

0:46:23.600 --> 0:46:27.160
<v Speaker 3>Christmas? New Year? All those times I thought he was.

0:46:27.160 --> 0:46:29.800
<v Speaker 4>At Valentine's Day, Just little things, but it was easy

0:46:29.880 --> 0:46:32.560
<v Speaker 4>to use big dates for us to because obviously there

0:46:32.600 --> 0:46:34.880
<v Speaker 4>was a lot over the last two years, but it

0:46:34.960 --> 0:46:38.000
<v Speaker 4>was easier to use big dates. So for Christmas, that

0:46:38.080 --> 0:46:39.920
<v Speaker 4>was the first time he met my family. Actually he

0:46:40.000 --> 0:46:43.080
<v Speaker 4>went to Queensland for my family, so he had told

0:46:43.600 --> 0:46:45.919
<v Speaker 4>Emily that he was at work, and I said to her,

0:46:46.160 --> 0:46:48.600
<v Speaker 4>how much do you think he works? Like, can you

0:46:48.680 --> 0:46:52.440
<v Speaker 4>send me what roster you think he has? And Emily

0:46:52.480 --> 0:46:54.840
<v Speaker 4>sent me a roster. I was like, no, that's not

0:46:54.960 --> 0:46:57.920
<v Speaker 4>our roster. And obviously, if you're not in a certain

0:46:57.920 --> 0:46:59.840
<v Speaker 4>profession that does shift work, you're not going to know

0:47:00.160 --> 0:47:00.760
<v Speaker 4>roster pattern.

0:47:00.760 --> 0:47:01.440
<v Speaker 3>You're not going to know.

0:47:02.120 --> 0:47:05.000
<v Speaker 2>And you trust and you believe your partner, right when

0:47:05.000 --> 0:47:07.319
<v Speaker 2>they're telling you they're going to work, you think they're

0:47:07.320 --> 0:47:10.279
<v Speaker 2>going to work. He told me over Christmas when he

0:47:10.320 --> 0:47:13.239
<v Speaker 2>obviously was with Olivia, because I'm in health as well,

0:47:13.280 --> 0:47:15.279
<v Speaker 2>work with the public holidays because I'll be working the

0:47:15.320 --> 0:47:17.800
<v Speaker 2>public holidays, work on New Years because I'll be working

0:47:17.840 --> 0:47:22.160
<v Speaker 2>New Year's And I did work because I actually went

0:47:22.200 --> 0:47:24.799
<v Speaker 2>to work thinking my partner was at work. Because they

0:47:24.840 --> 0:47:26.640
<v Speaker 2>would message me and call me and pretend to me

0:47:26.719 --> 0:47:28.959
<v Speaker 2>like I've just taken five minutes. How you're going, how's

0:47:29.000 --> 0:47:31.480
<v Speaker 2>your day? You know, it wasn't like I didn't believe him.

0:47:31.520 --> 0:47:33.319
<v Speaker 2>And I would get photos sent to me as well,

0:47:33.560 --> 0:47:37.719
<v Speaker 2>so there were pre made photos as well of him

0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:42.120
<v Speaker 2>at work, so that I would believe that he's at work.

0:47:42.920 --> 0:47:46.080
<v Speaker 2>And I've now found out all those times that it

0:47:46.120 --> 0:47:47.520
<v Speaker 2>was just a complete lie.

0:47:47.680 --> 0:47:50.160
<v Speaker 4>His birthday was in April, so that was only literally

0:47:50.200 --> 0:47:53.040
<v Speaker 4>a couple of weeks before everything happens. He had told

0:47:53.200 --> 0:47:56.040
<v Speaker 4>Emily that he was working on the day and we

0:47:56.120 --> 0:47:59.520
<v Speaker 4>had like a big brewery Barkraur with a bunch of

0:47:59.520 --> 0:48:01.920
<v Speaker 4>his friends and work, and obviously I went to that

0:48:02.360 --> 0:48:05.240
<v Speaker 4>and he told Emily that he was working. But then

0:48:05.360 --> 0:48:07.840
<v Speaker 4>I said, oh, like, what did you do for his birthday?

0:48:07.840 --> 0:48:08.120
<v Speaker 3>From you?

0:48:08.920 --> 0:48:12.560
<v Speaker 4>Emily had taken Josh out on a picnic the next

0:48:12.640 --> 0:48:15.760
<v Speaker 4>day and bought him like all this like beautiful food

0:48:15.840 --> 0:48:19.560
<v Speaker 4>and wine and things like that. And I went over

0:48:19.600 --> 0:48:22.160
<v Speaker 4>there a couple of days later and I said, why

0:48:22.160 --> 0:48:24.680
<v Speaker 4>do you have all this like gourmet food in your

0:48:24.680 --> 0:48:27.719
<v Speaker 4>fridge And he'd said, oh, it's all from eld you know,

0:48:27.880 --> 0:48:29.839
<v Speaker 4>I just I just got it all, like you know,

0:48:29.920 --> 0:48:32.759
<v Speaker 4>I'd like to snack on it. And Emily's like, that

0:48:32.960 --> 0:48:34.320
<v Speaker 4>was from a gourmet.

0:48:34.080 --> 0:48:37.560
<v Speaker 2>Roser for his birthday, mind you, because I had to

0:48:37.560 --> 0:48:40.440
<v Speaker 2>take him out for his birthday the day after because

0:48:40.719 --> 0:48:43.239
<v Speaker 2>I thought he was working on his birthday. So when

0:48:43.280 --> 0:48:45.640
<v Speaker 2>we went to Europe, when I'd met up with Oliviage,

0:48:45.800 --> 0:48:47.880
<v Speaker 2>I asked her, so, what did you believe when he

0:48:47.920 --> 0:48:49.560
<v Speaker 2>was in Europe for six weeks last year that he

0:48:49.640 --> 0:48:52.120
<v Speaker 2>was with a friend and she goes, yeah, you thought

0:48:52.120 --> 0:48:54.400
<v Speaker 2>he was with one of his mates that he was

0:48:54.440 --> 0:48:57.880
<v Speaker 2>traveling with overseas. What we'd figured out was that he

0:48:58.160 --> 0:49:00.600
<v Speaker 2>lied to me about who he was on the phone too,

0:49:01.160 --> 0:49:03.640
<v Speaker 2>so he would tell me that, oh, my mom's calling me,

0:49:03.960 --> 0:49:06.560
<v Speaker 2>or my sister's calling me. I'll be five minutes, I'll

0:49:06.560 --> 0:49:09.160
<v Speaker 2>be ten minutes. I remember this morning distinctly, when the

0:49:09.280 --> 0:49:11.239
<v Speaker 2>Amatha Coast and he goes for a well, he's like,

0:49:11.239 --> 0:49:12.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm just going to go for.

0:49:12.000 --> 0:49:15.120
<v Speaker 3>A morning walk. It's early six in the morning, really early.

0:49:15.160 --> 0:49:16.799
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, oh gosh, that's that's very early to get

0:49:16.880 --> 0:49:19.600
<v Speaker 3>up when we're on holiday. And it had been like

0:49:19.640 --> 0:49:21.319
<v Speaker 3>two hours, and I go, where are you?

0:49:21.360 --> 0:49:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Like I was messaging him, and he's like, oh, so sorry,

0:49:24.200 --> 0:49:25.959
<v Speaker 2>I got really caught up on the phone with my mom.

0:49:25.960 --> 0:49:28.640
<v Speaker 3>I promise I'll be here soon. But it was all lies.

0:49:28.719 --> 0:49:30.799
<v Speaker 2>All these times that he was maybe left for like

0:49:30.840 --> 0:49:33.319
<v Speaker 2>an hour or half an hour, or he'd go to

0:49:33.320 --> 0:49:36.359
<v Speaker 2>the bathroom and pretend to be in the bathroom and

0:49:36.560 --> 0:49:39.319
<v Speaker 2>gone for half an hour. He'd be calling Olivia and

0:49:39.360 --> 0:49:40.600
<v Speaker 2>expressing his love for her.

0:49:41.040 --> 0:49:46.080
<v Speaker 4>We also realized that he was regifting. So obviously Emily's

0:49:46.120 --> 0:49:48.480
<v Speaker 4>parents used to buy him a lot of groceries, buy

0:49:48.560 --> 0:49:50.480
<v Speaker 4>him a lot of staff, pay for a lot of stuff.

0:49:50.520 --> 0:49:53.560
<v Speaker 4>It was pretty much like the Tinder swindler, yeah, situation

0:49:53.800 --> 0:49:56.520
<v Speaker 4>where you were paying for him and then he was

0:49:56.520 --> 0:49:58.799
<v Speaker 4>paying for me. So he would come and say, you know,

0:49:58.840 --> 0:50:01.440
<v Speaker 4>I bought this beautiful bottle of wine or I made

0:50:01.480 --> 0:50:04.279
<v Speaker 4>you this food. But it was always we realized it

0:50:04.320 --> 0:50:08.800
<v Speaker 4>was always from Emily's parents' house, and he would say,

0:50:08.840 --> 0:50:11.640
<v Speaker 4>you know, I've bought this beautiful bottle of wine for us,

0:50:11.719 --> 0:50:14.719
<v Speaker 4>but it was really something that he'd made Emily pay for.

0:50:15.400 --> 0:50:17.359
<v Speaker 4>One of the worst things I think was when we

0:50:17.360 --> 0:50:21.280
<v Speaker 4>were going through what his house looked like. I said,

0:50:21.480 --> 0:50:24.319
<v Speaker 4>what about his phone background? What about our pictures next

0:50:24.320 --> 0:50:26.400
<v Speaker 4>to our bed? You know, what about all my stuff

0:50:26.440 --> 0:50:28.960
<v Speaker 4>that I left there? What about my bikinis that I

0:50:29.040 --> 0:50:32.319
<v Speaker 4>left in the shower. And he would go around the

0:50:32.360 --> 0:50:35.520
<v Speaker 4>house and put all of our stuff in these plastic

0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:38.239
<v Speaker 4>bags and then take the other person stuff into the

0:50:38.280 --> 0:50:42.080
<v Speaker 4>garage when obviously the other girlfriend was over. He would

0:50:42.120 --> 0:50:44.799
<v Speaker 4>switch the photos next to his bed, he would change

0:50:44.800 --> 0:50:48.240
<v Speaker 4>his wallpaper on his phone, like obviously.

0:50:47.920 --> 0:50:49.600
<v Speaker 3>The contact changes as well, the.

0:50:49.560 --> 0:50:53.160
<v Speaker 4>Contact changes on the phone, just to make sure. When

0:50:53.200 --> 0:50:56.000
<v Speaker 4>we were going through what each other had left at

0:50:56.000 --> 0:50:59.080
<v Speaker 4>his house, I said to Emily, what color was your

0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:03.200
<v Speaker 4>tooth brush? And she said mine was the pink right,

0:51:03.280 --> 0:51:07.719
<v Speaker 4>And I said, oh no, so we were using the

0:51:07.800 --> 0:51:08.879
<v Speaker 4>same toothbrush.

0:51:09.040 --> 0:51:13.720
<v Speaker 3>Yep, yep. That is the most like disgusting.

0:51:13.840 --> 0:51:15.640
<v Speaker 1>But there was more.

0:51:16.320 --> 0:51:20.680
<v Speaker 2>He was vegetarian with Olivia and with me, complete meat eater.

0:51:21.040 --> 0:51:23.279
<v Speaker 3>He ate everything with me. This guy ate.

0:51:23.400 --> 0:51:26.960
<v Speaker 2>Everything when I met Olivia and she explained to me that, oh,

0:51:27.000 --> 0:51:28.000
<v Speaker 2>he ate vegetarian with me.

0:51:28.520 --> 0:51:30.040
<v Speaker 3>What do you mean he ate vegetarian with you?

0:51:30.120 --> 0:51:31.960
<v Speaker 2>This guy would if we went to a restaurant, it

0:51:32.080 --> 0:51:35.000
<v Speaker 2>was oh, let's get the steak, babe, Well let's get

0:51:35.040 --> 0:51:37.239
<v Speaker 2>the chicken, or let's go.

0:51:37.480 --> 0:51:38.960
<v Speaker 3>This guy is not vegetarian.

0:51:40.120 --> 0:51:45.120
<v Speaker 2>This guy changed every part of himself to please the

0:51:45.160 --> 0:51:48.880
<v Speaker 2>other person in the relationship, so to please Olivia, for example,

0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:52.400
<v Speaker 2>and didn't eat meat, which was just news to me

0:51:52.440 --> 0:51:55.080
<v Speaker 2>that I think that is the most probably insane part

0:51:55.120 --> 0:52:00.799
<v Speaker 2>of this whole person. This person is actually living and

0:52:00.880 --> 0:52:04.120
<v Speaker 2>leading a double life, and I had no idea.

0:52:04.239 --> 0:52:07.000
<v Speaker 4>So when he met me in July twenty twenty two,

0:52:07.520 --> 0:52:10.040
<v Speaker 4>as I said, he was quite attentive. Initially, he spent

0:52:10.080 --> 0:52:11.960
<v Speaker 4>a lot of time with me. He had a lot

0:52:11.960 --> 0:52:14.080
<v Speaker 4>of time for me. We would go out on dates,

0:52:14.600 --> 0:52:17.480
<v Speaker 4>and it turns out you were in the hospital having

0:52:17.520 --> 0:52:20.640
<v Speaker 4>surgery during that time, and then you were in rehab

0:52:20.719 --> 0:52:23.200
<v Speaker 4>for a number of weeks. So that's obviously how he

0:52:23.280 --> 0:52:26.279
<v Speaker 4>had so much time initially. And then the other time,

0:52:26.360 --> 0:52:28.919
<v Speaker 4>how I said, we were really good after breaking up

0:52:28.960 --> 0:52:34.600
<v Speaker 4>September twenty twenty three to December twenty twenty three.

0:52:33.800 --> 0:52:35.080
<v Speaker 3>We were together a lot.

0:52:35.239 --> 0:52:37.759
<v Speaker 4>Like how I said, it was a very perfect relationship

0:52:37.840 --> 0:52:42.680
<v Speaker 4>during that time, and you were doing real placement in Victoria. Yeah,

0:52:42.680 --> 0:52:45.120
<v Speaker 4>so obviously had a lot of time for me then.

0:52:45.560 --> 0:52:48.279
<v Speaker 4>And it made sense why there were so many ups

0:52:48.320 --> 0:52:51.640
<v Speaker 4>and downs because we kind of figured out that if

0:52:51.880 --> 0:52:54.960
<v Speaker 4>one of us was having a really good time, the

0:52:55.080 --> 0:52:57.920
<v Speaker 4>other person was not having a good time because it's

0:52:57.960 --> 0:53:01.000
<v Speaker 4>impossible to give someone one hundred percent of yourself, so

0:53:01.520 --> 0:53:04.160
<v Speaker 4>he would just be giving more to somebody else and

0:53:04.239 --> 0:53:06.560
<v Speaker 4>less to the other, and then it would kind of switch,

0:53:06.680 --> 0:53:09.960
<v Speaker 4>and when you had these feelings of you know, he's

0:53:10.000 --> 0:53:14.080
<v Speaker 4>not giving enough to me, or he's being different. In

0:53:14.160 --> 0:53:17.279
<v Speaker 4>hindsight that it was completely accurate for us to be

0:53:17.320 --> 0:53:17.960
<v Speaker 4>feeling that way.

0:53:18.800 --> 0:53:21.680
<v Speaker 1>I know what you're thinking, though, dear listener, How in

0:53:21.719 --> 0:53:25.320
<v Speaker 1>this day and age can someone really lead a double life,

0:53:25.640 --> 0:53:26.839
<v Speaker 1>especially millennials.

0:53:27.400 --> 0:53:30.480
<v Speaker 2>Social media so, like Olivia said, she didn't use it,

0:53:30.600 --> 0:53:34.080
<v Speaker 2>so she was not active on it. But for me,

0:53:34.280 --> 0:53:37.760
<v Speaker 2>so when I first had used so Instagram or whatever

0:53:37.800 --> 0:53:40.279
<v Speaker 2>we were using the first years of our relationship, I

0:53:40.320 --> 0:53:42.040
<v Speaker 2>was quite public and I used to post a lot

0:53:42.080 --> 0:53:45.440
<v Speaker 2>more as the last two years came across, he really

0:53:45.480 --> 0:53:48.080
<v Speaker 2>became we should be more private about what you post,

0:53:48.239 --> 0:53:51.719
<v Speaker 2>maybe stop posting so much. He'd actually kind of made

0:53:51.760 --> 0:53:54.000
<v Speaker 2>me believe I should really be a private person. So

0:53:54.080 --> 0:53:58.480
<v Speaker 2>I stopped posting photos as often. I actually removed a

0:53:58.480 --> 0:54:01.160
<v Speaker 2>lot of the people that followed me. Came really private

0:54:01.239 --> 0:54:04.759
<v Speaker 2>in my life and in public, like we still were

0:54:04.880 --> 0:54:07.120
<v Speaker 2>tagged in photos. There was still stuff on his Instagram,

0:54:07.160 --> 0:54:09.880
<v Speaker 2>but he actually didn't upload for years, and that was

0:54:10.000 --> 0:54:13.040
<v Speaker 2>just he said, I don't use it, I don't post.

0:54:13.160 --> 0:54:14.040
<v Speaker 3>I didn't need to do it.

0:54:14.200 --> 0:54:16.200
<v Speaker 4>Well, I didn't use social media, so that was another

0:54:16.239 --> 0:54:17.440
<v Speaker 4>way that he got away with it.

0:54:17.480 --> 0:54:19.560
<v Speaker 2>When you would delete yours, he would tell me I'm

0:54:19.560 --> 0:54:21.520
<v Speaker 2>going to delete mine for a bit because I think

0:54:21.560 --> 0:54:23.680
<v Speaker 2>I need a break because I feel like I use

0:54:23.760 --> 0:54:25.640
<v Speaker 2>it too much. I'm like, whatever, effect, that's what you

0:54:25.680 --> 0:54:28.200
<v Speaker 2>want to do, that's fine. I didn't actually think he'd

0:54:28.200 --> 0:54:30.799
<v Speaker 2>deleted because his other partner doesn't use it.

0:54:31.080 --> 0:54:34.080
<v Speaker 4>And I think initially your first thought is, am I stupid?

0:54:34.160 --> 0:54:36.600
<v Speaker 4>Am I an idiot? Did I miss out on all

0:54:36.640 --> 0:54:41.040
<v Speaker 4>of the signs? But when you think about how convoluted

0:54:41.160 --> 0:54:44.400
<v Speaker 4>this was to keep up this parade for two years,

0:54:44.560 --> 0:54:47.680
<v Speaker 4>people like this are obviously very good at what they do,

0:54:48.440 --> 0:54:51.600
<v Speaker 4>and I don't think he was obviously very good at lying.

0:54:51.920 --> 0:54:54.239
<v Speaker 4>He always had a good answer, there was always a

0:54:54.280 --> 0:54:58.080
<v Speaker 4>backstory to everything. He never slipped up, He never got

0:54:58.160 --> 0:55:03.440
<v Speaker 4>us confused, never any any moments where he made a mistake.

0:55:03.640 --> 0:55:07.560
<v Speaker 4>So obviously, speaking to you, I thought, oh, well, Emily

0:55:07.560 --> 0:55:10.920
<v Speaker 4>doesn't sound stupid, so I might not be stupid. But

0:55:11.120 --> 0:55:14.000
<v Speaker 4>I just think you got to remember that this isn't normal.

0:55:14.080 --> 0:55:18.480
<v Speaker 4>It's not normal behavior. That these people can lie and

0:55:18.520 --> 0:55:21.640
<v Speaker 4>they're rid of empathy or guilt, and that means that

0:55:21.719 --> 0:55:24.040
<v Speaker 4>you don't have the normal responses when.

0:55:23.920 --> 0:55:24.520
<v Speaker 3>You are lying.

0:55:24.560 --> 0:55:27.520
<v Speaker 4>If I'm sitting here lying, I feel bad about it,

0:55:27.520 --> 0:55:30.560
<v Speaker 4>so I have like an emotional or physical reaction and

0:55:30.600 --> 0:55:33.520
<v Speaker 4>you would think, oh, maybe she's lying because I'd be

0:55:33.560 --> 0:55:36.360
<v Speaker 4>giving away signs, or as he never had that because

0:55:36.360 --> 0:55:38.840
<v Speaker 4>he didn't feel the emotions that we feel.

0:55:39.800 --> 0:55:42.640
<v Speaker 1>I probably don't need to point out that both girls

0:55:42.640 --> 0:55:46.440
<v Speaker 1>broke up with Josh immediately, but for Emily at least

0:55:46.640 --> 0:55:49.560
<v Speaker 1>this had been her partner of seven years. She couldn't

0:55:49.560 --> 0:55:51.479
<v Speaker 1>hear all of this from a girl she'd never even

0:55:51.520 --> 0:55:54.680
<v Speaker 1>heard of before without trying to get some answers from

0:55:54.760 --> 0:55:55.680
<v Speaker 1>the man she'd loved.

0:55:56.320 --> 0:55:59.440
<v Speaker 2>My last conversations with him, it was hours long. We

0:55:59.440 --> 0:56:02.400
<v Speaker 2>were on the phone and I just wanted him to

0:56:02.400 --> 0:56:03.600
<v Speaker 2>come clean it by everything.

0:56:03.680 --> 0:56:05.080
<v Speaker 3>So I basically just.

0:56:05.000 --> 0:56:07.040
<v Speaker 2>Confronted him and said, Hey, what did you do on

0:56:07.080 --> 0:56:09.840
<v Speaker 2>this weekend? What about when we went to South Australia?

0:56:10.239 --> 0:56:12.279
<v Speaker 3>What did you do? What did you say? I said?

0:56:12.400 --> 0:56:14.319
<v Speaker 2>He said it went with friends. So it was just

0:56:14.360 --> 0:56:17.520
<v Speaker 2>continue lies and I just said my main thoughts. I

0:56:17.640 --> 0:56:19.600
<v Speaker 2>was emotional on that phone call, and I remember being

0:56:19.680 --> 0:56:22.359
<v Speaker 2>just like, how dare you? How dare you do this

0:56:22.400 --> 0:56:24.759
<v Speaker 2>to me? How could you have lied to me? I

0:56:24.760 --> 0:56:27.120
<v Speaker 2>don't care if it was one years, two years, whatever

0:56:27.160 --> 0:56:30.840
<v Speaker 2>it was, to have done what you've done to your partner,

0:56:30.920 --> 0:56:32.680
<v Speaker 2>the person that you meant to love. And I remember

0:56:32.719 --> 0:56:35.040
<v Speaker 2>saying to him, and like, you can't love two people

0:56:35.120 --> 0:56:37.560
<v Speaker 2>at once, you can't be in love with two people.

0:56:38.080 --> 0:56:40.160
<v Speaker 2>This is why you never gave me one hundred percent,

0:56:40.600 --> 0:56:42.560
<v Speaker 2>and this is why I had doubts. And I actually,

0:56:42.640 --> 0:56:46.279
<v Speaker 2>I really was quite firm with my wording with him,

0:56:46.280 --> 0:56:49.800
<v Speaker 2>and I said, now every single thing makes sense because

0:56:49.840 --> 0:56:53.839
<v Speaker 2>you have been in multiple relationships. And he still tried

0:56:53.880 --> 0:56:58.239
<v Speaker 2>to deny the other girl amy, but I said, what

0:56:58.320 --> 0:57:02.320
<v Speaker 2>you've done you can't take. I will never ever speak

0:57:02.360 --> 0:57:05.160
<v Speaker 2>to you again. All I asked, I said, is that

0:57:05.200 --> 0:57:08.239
<v Speaker 2>you never contact me. And I go, this will be

0:57:08.239 --> 0:57:11.239
<v Speaker 2>the last time you ever hear my voice. I don't

0:57:11.320 --> 0:57:13.920
<v Speaker 2>need to hear anything else from you, and I hung up.

0:57:14.320 --> 0:57:19.600
<v Speaker 2>I blocked him from every form of social media, every contact,

0:57:19.760 --> 0:57:23.880
<v Speaker 2>and I think that was the pivotal point of moving on,

0:57:24.280 --> 0:57:29.000
<v Speaker 2>is having zero contact with that person. My feelings of

0:57:29.080 --> 0:57:33.000
<v Speaker 2>disgust were so overaught with my emotion at the time

0:57:33.040 --> 0:57:35.240
<v Speaker 2>that I couldn't even be sad about it. I was

0:57:35.320 --> 0:57:39.360
<v Speaker 2>just so disgusted and betrayed that I just I didn't

0:57:39.400 --> 0:57:42.880
<v Speaker 2>want to hear a sorry from him anymore. His sorry

0:57:42.960 --> 0:57:45.960
<v Speaker 2>was pathetic to me. His sorry was almost like he

0:57:46.000 --> 0:57:48.840
<v Speaker 2>didn't mean it. He's almost sounded like when I spoke

0:57:48.880 --> 0:57:53.280
<v Speaker 2>to him that he was emotionless. He just felt like

0:57:53.400 --> 0:57:57.360
<v Speaker 2>he'd been caught. And I just said, okay, well I'm done,

0:57:57.400 --> 0:58:00.640
<v Speaker 2>and like I said, after everything was blocked, that was it.

0:58:00.680 --> 0:58:02.320
<v Speaker 2>That was my last conversation with him.

0:58:02.640 --> 0:58:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Of course, it wasn't easy. It was really hard and

0:58:06.120 --> 0:58:10.600
<v Speaker 1>really really heartbreaking. But in being by herself and out

0:58:10.640 --> 0:58:14.440
<v Speaker 1>of what was an incredibly toxic relationship, Emily's found a

0:58:14.440 --> 0:58:17.800
<v Speaker 1>new version of herself, the real one that she actually

0:58:17.920 --> 0:58:19.120
<v Speaker 1>likes so much more.

0:58:20.960 --> 0:58:23.840
<v Speaker 2>I no longer have full lease insecurities and doubts about

0:58:23.880 --> 0:58:27.240
<v Speaker 2>a person. I feel like I'm more secure with myself

0:58:27.320 --> 0:58:30.840
<v Speaker 2>because I was with someone who, like I told you earlier,

0:58:30.960 --> 0:58:33.600
<v Speaker 2>when I felt like I was never good enough, like

0:58:33.640 --> 0:58:36.600
<v Speaker 2>I wasn't questioning enough. I would give another example of

0:58:36.640 --> 0:58:38.920
<v Speaker 2>where he'd put a lot of pressure on my degree,

0:58:38.960 --> 0:58:40.840
<v Speaker 2>like you need to make sure you pass, like I'm

0:58:40.840 --> 0:58:42.840
<v Speaker 2>doing a medical degree. You need to make sure you

0:58:42.880 --> 0:58:45.080
<v Speaker 2>pass your exams because we can't move on with our

0:58:45.120 --> 0:58:47.200
<v Speaker 2>life unless you pass his exams.

0:58:46.800 --> 0:58:47.760
<v Speaker 3>In the next few months.

0:58:47.800 --> 0:58:50.320
<v Speaker 2>Like I can't wait around for you and you know

0:58:50.360 --> 0:58:52.200
<v Speaker 2>you're not waiting around for me like this, this is

0:58:52.280 --> 0:58:54.320
<v Speaker 2>my career, it's not just about you, And now I

0:58:54.320 --> 0:58:57.560
<v Speaker 2>feel like, well, fuck you. I fucking passed my exams

0:58:57.600 --> 0:58:59.520
<v Speaker 2>and now I know when I'm going to finish and

0:58:59.560 --> 0:59:02.040
<v Speaker 2>how much I'm going to excel my life without you.

0:59:02.520 --> 0:59:05.320
<v Speaker 2>He always painted this picture that he was supporting me

0:59:05.520 --> 0:59:08.800
<v Speaker 2>so much this journey and he'd done everything for me

0:59:08.880 --> 0:59:10.360
<v Speaker 2>to get to where I am. Now I'm like, no,

0:59:10.960 --> 0:59:13.640
<v Speaker 2>everything saw myself and I didn't realize that until coming

0:59:13.640 --> 0:59:16.400
<v Speaker 2>out of relationship, Like how hard I've worked, how much

0:59:16.400 --> 0:59:19.480
<v Speaker 2>I've studied person I am today, I've just realized like

0:59:19.720 --> 0:59:22.480
<v Speaker 2>being my best version of myself, being on my own,

0:59:22.800 --> 0:59:25.600
<v Speaker 2>I feel like I'm happier, Like I've learned so much

0:59:25.640 --> 0:59:28.720
<v Speaker 2>from how I was treated. And staying with someone for

0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:30.640
<v Speaker 2>the sake of saying someone because you love them, it's

0:59:30.680 --> 0:59:33.440
<v Speaker 2>just not it's not a real reason, and no relationship

0:59:33.440 --> 0:59:36.160
<v Speaker 2>should have these highs and lows, Like I've literally come

0:59:36.200 --> 0:59:39.080
<v Speaker 2>out of that and being like I can do so

0:59:39.200 --> 0:59:41.560
<v Speaker 2>much better. I'm going to get someone at my level

0:59:41.640 --> 0:59:44.800
<v Speaker 2>and I deserve the world because what I went through

0:59:44.960 --> 0:59:45.840
<v Speaker 2>is so not normal.

0:59:46.320 --> 0:59:49.280
<v Speaker 3>It's not fair. But I don't sit there and pity myself.

0:59:49.320 --> 0:59:51.160
<v Speaker 2>I'm glad I've got it out of it, had that

0:59:51.200 --> 0:59:53.440
<v Speaker 2>experience because I can only be a better version of

0:59:53.440 --> 0:59:56.840
<v Speaker 2>myself and hopefully teach other people to look out for

0:59:56.880 --> 0:59:59.360
<v Speaker 2>these things and not settle for less and put yourself

0:59:59.400 --> 1:00:01.840
<v Speaker 2>first in your relationationship, because that will be my next

1:00:02.480 --> 1:00:04.800
<v Speaker 2>goal for my next relationship, that I am an equal

1:00:04.800 --> 1:00:05.480
<v Speaker 2>to that person.

1:00:06.560 --> 1:00:08.360
<v Speaker 3>That's why I feel like I'm my best version of

1:00:08.400 --> 1:00:09.080
<v Speaker 3>myself now.

1:00:10.160 --> 1:00:12.040
<v Speaker 1>On top of that, they've both come out of this

1:00:12.200 --> 1:00:16.280
<v Speaker 1>awful situation with something they really never expected.

1:00:16.840 --> 1:00:22.480
<v Speaker 2>I've also formed the most incredible relationship with Olivia. That

1:00:22.840 --> 1:00:25.160
<v Speaker 2>is I think is the best thing to have ever

1:00:25.200 --> 1:00:25.800
<v Speaker 2>come out of this.

1:00:26.200 --> 1:00:29.600
<v Speaker 4>Obviously there's been a lot of lessons that have come

1:00:29.640 --> 1:00:33.120
<v Speaker 4>out from it, but I think go one of the

1:00:33.240 --> 1:00:35.760
<v Speaker 4>days where I wouldn't have believed you. I think when

1:00:35.760 --> 1:00:39.919
<v Speaker 4>you're young, particularly maybe high school, there's always this tool

1:00:40.000 --> 1:00:44.760
<v Speaker 4>poppy syndrome situation happening with females. I think you're taught

1:00:44.800 --> 1:00:47.000
<v Speaker 4>that the other female is the one to blame or

1:00:47.040 --> 1:00:49.360
<v Speaker 4>the other female is crazy.

1:00:49.560 --> 1:00:50.440
<v Speaker 3>The way that he.

1:00:50.320 --> 1:00:52.560
<v Speaker 4>Tried to make it out on that night, but there

1:00:52.600 --> 1:00:55.040
<v Speaker 4>wasn't a second that I didn't believe her. And I

1:00:55.160 --> 1:00:58.720
<v Speaker 4>just think we have just come so far as females

1:00:59.000 --> 1:01:02.440
<v Speaker 4>that we are willing to be united and we're willing

1:01:02.480 --> 1:01:06.240
<v Speaker 4>to be friends and some other female success doesn't mean

1:01:06.280 --> 1:01:08.960
<v Speaker 4>that you're going to be less, and I think that

1:01:09.120 --> 1:01:12.960
<v Speaker 4>was definitely a way of the past. And I think

1:01:13.000 --> 1:01:16.120
<v Speaker 4>we've just come so far, and we've just come out

1:01:16.160 --> 1:01:19.520
<v Speaker 4>of this situation and we just want the best for

1:01:19.560 --> 1:01:22.160
<v Speaker 4>each other. I just want her to do so well

1:01:22.240 --> 1:01:25.880
<v Speaker 4>and we can talk openly about the situation, and we

1:01:25.920 --> 1:01:29.040
<v Speaker 4>can talk openly about our goals and just say one

1:01:29.080 --> 1:01:31.920
<v Speaker 4>of us is having a bad day, because healing obviously

1:01:32.040 --> 1:01:34.800
<v Speaker 4>is not linear. I think we're doing so well, but

1:01:35.240 --> 1:01:39.160
<v Speaker 4>obviously some days there's still repercusions from going through a

1:01:39.240 --> 1:01:42.000
<v Speaker 4>situation like that where you might just not be feeling

1:01:42.200 --> 1:01:44.840
<v Speaker 4>your best self. But I know that I can message her,

1:01:45.000 --> 1:01:48.960
<v Speaker 4>voice note her, call her, and just have this platform

1:01:49.000 --> 1:01:52.280
<v Speaker 4>where I'm not judged, and I always walk away from

1:01:52.320 --> 1:01:55.200
<v Speaker 4>the conversation feeling so much better, and then we can

1:01:55.280 --> 1:01:58.640
<v Speaker 4>just move on with our day, move on with our lives, and.

1:01:58.880 --> 1:02:00.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I agree.

1:02:03.760 --> 1:02:06.360
<v Speaker 4>It was really hard not to have a victim mentality.

1:02:06.400 --> 1:02:08.600
<v Speaker 4>It was really hard not to sit there and think,

1:02:08.640 --> 1:02:09.840
<v Speaker 4>why did this happen to me?

1:02:10.040 --> 1:02:12.360
<v Speaker 3>Why did I have to be the person that he chose?

1:02:12.440 --> 1:02:15.080
<v Speaker 4>Why me? But there's good to come out of every

1:02:15.120 --> 1:02:18.320
<v Speaker 4>single situation, So it's only going to be a waste

1:02:18.320 --> 1:02:21.200
<v Speaker 4>if we don't learn those lessons. Obviously we have each other,

1:02:21.400 --> 1:02:24.919
<v Speaker 4>but going into our next relationship will be so much

1:02:24.920 --> 1:02:27.520
<v Speaker 4>better for it, and we'll have learned all the hard lessons.

1:02:27.600 --> 1:02:31.040
<v Speaker 4>And I genuinely believe that we will stand there one

1:02:31.120 --> 1:02:33.880
<v Speaker 4>day marrying the loves of our lives and we'll be

1:02:33.920 --> 1:02:36.400
<v Speaker 4>so happy that everything happened the way that it did.

1:02:36.760 --> 1:02:38.480
<v Speaker 4>I think it's just hard to see it at the time,

1:02:38.560 --> 1:02:41.640
<v Speaker 4>but now in hindsight, I wouldn't change it. I know

1:02:41.720 --> 1:02:44.680
<v Speaker 4>that it was a terrible situation and I wouldn't wish

1:02:44.720 --> 1:02:47.520
<v Speaker 4>it upon anyone. But I'm sitting here now, I've got

1:02:47.520 --> 1:02:49.840
<v Speaker 4>this opportunity to do a podcast. I have you as

1:02:49.840 --> 1:02:53.560
<v Speaker 4>my friend, and yeah, I think there's only good things

1:02:53.560 --> 1:02:55.000
<v Speaker 4>to come from now on.

1:02:55.440 --> 1:02:57.680
<v Speaker 3>The one thing he did well was picked two girls.

1:02:57.400 --> 1:03:01.320
<v Speaker 2>That are very alike and very intelligent, very beautiful people

1:03:01.400 --> 1:03:04.520
<v Speaker 2>inside and out. So you know, I feel very blessed

1:03:04.560 --> 1:03:08.040
<v Speaker 2>to have her around me and to grow with her

1:03:08.160 --> 1:03:10.080
<v Speaker 2>in the next part of my life and just be

1:03:10.280 --> 1:03:13.840
<v Speaker 2>someone around me forever, because he really did pick well

1:03:13.920 --> 1:03:15.360
<v Speaker 2>with who we are.

1:03:15.840 --> 1:03:22.440
<v Speaker 3>Run the real love story.

1:03:22.480 --> 1:03:25.240
<v Speaker 1>Everyone Has an X is a Minti Media production and

1:03:25.320 --> 1:03:28.320
<v Speaker 1>proudly part of the Muma Mea network. Is written and

1:03:28.400 --> 1:03:32.000
<v Speaker 1>narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1:03:32.320 --> 1:03:34.400
<v Speaker 1>If you have a story you'd like to share, email

1:03:34.520 --> 1:03:38.320
<v Speaker 1>podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can support

1:03:38.400 --> 1:03:40.800
<v Speaker 1>us by following the show in your favorite podcast app

1:03:40.960 --> 1:03:43.560
<v Speaker 1>and leaving a five star review. We'll see you for

1:03:43.600 --> 1:03:51.240
<v Speaker 1>the next episode.