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Speaker 1: Young love. Remember that meeting someone at your part time

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Speaker 1: horsbow job, where you're together every night, you start making

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Speaker 1: eyes at each other and one thing leads to another.

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Speaker 1: Soon you're spending the night at their family home and

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Speaker 1: having dinner with their parents. Well, that's exactly how Emily

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Speaker 1: met Josh.

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Speaker 2: We just had such an instant connection at the time,

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Speaker 2: and he was quite assertive person where he was like, yep,

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to meet your family. Literally within the first

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Speaker 2: two months we had met each other's families. His family

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Speaker 2: were beautiful, My family were beautiful as well, So we

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Speaker 2: both came from quite good people around us.

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Speaker 3: And then our relationship just grew.

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Speaker 1: And when you meet someone so young, it really only

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Speaker 1: goes one of two ways. You either grow up and

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Speaker 1: apart or you grow together, like Emily and Josh did.

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Speaker 1: After seven years, they knew each other like the back

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Speaker 1: of their own hands and trusted each other implicitly. At

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Speaker 1: not even thirty years old, life was only just beginning.

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Speaker 2: And then everything came crumbling down one day when my

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Speaker 2: sister knocked on my door and said, Emily, I think

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Speaker 2: your partner has another girlfriend.

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Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love, and this is everyone has an ex

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Speaker 1: come with me as we dive into a collection of

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Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships past through the eyes and the

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Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. Meet Emily.

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Speaker 1: She's twenty eight now, but our story begins back in

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Speaker 1: twenty seventeen, when she was, in her words, just a baby,

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Speaker 1: twenty year old.

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Speaker 2: Just come out of high school, started studying. I was

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Speaker 2: going out a bit more, starting to socialize, meet new guys,

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Speaker 2: and had had previous experiences in the past, but not

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Speaker 2: an actual long term relationship with someone. Soctually started working

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Speaker 2: at a club back in the day, and I developed

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Speaker 2: a good connection with one of my colleagues, Josh. I

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Speaker 2: then said, look, we're good friends right now. I went

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Speaker 2: to Europe, did like a little girl's trip, came back

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Speaker 2: and continued to grow with this person that I worked with.

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Speaker 2: We had a really good friendship, and I think we

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Speaker 2: had a lot of common interest. We both were interested

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Speaker 2: in the same things.

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Speaker 3: We just got along.

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Speaker 2: Really well, started going out and we started to develop

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Speaker 2: a relationship. And we were only kids when we met,

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Speaker 2: so we were just learning about ourselves. We were just

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Speaker 2: starting our degrees, just starting to change jobs, starting to

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Speaker 2: figure out whether we're going to stay at home or

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Speaker 2: we're going to move out of home. So it was

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Speaker 2: a pretty healthy relationship. When I met him, he gave

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Speaker 2: me all the things that I wanted. So he was

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Speaker 2: this person not from my world. He was someone that

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Speaker 2: kind of opened up other avenues where he was someone

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Speaker 2: that I was, Oh, person does something that I don't do,

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Speaker 2: such as go surfing, lives on the beach. We just

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Speaker 2: had things that I found really interesting about him. At

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Speaker 2: the time. I was really intrigued by what he was

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Speaker 2: studying as well. We were both into health degree, so

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Speaker 2: that's where we also had a connection with what we

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Speaker 2: wanted to pursue in our careers. So finding someone aligned

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Speaker 2: in my career in my life at that time. We

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Speaker 2: both had good friends and family as well, so we

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Speaker 2: were aligned in our values. But we were also very

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Speaker 2: young school still kind of learning our values as well

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Speaker 2: of what we want out of people. He was the

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Speaker 2: same age as me, so we were both twenty. I

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Speaker 2: found him quite I would say handsome, but he was

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Speaker 2: still young, so still had those boy features where he

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Speaker 2: had fair eyes, light blue eyes, he had brown hair,

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Speaker 2: quite a fair complexion. He's European, so he, you know,

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Speaker 2: was quite a handsome young man who I was attracted

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Speaker 2: to at the time of work. But he had a

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Speaker 2: really good personality, so the way he would talk to

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Speaker 2: me was very intelligent. From the start, he was a

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Speaker 2: very good person to be around, so I found the

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Speaker 2: way he would interact and articulate his words was also

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Speaker 2: very attractive to me. He was someone kind of at

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Speaker 2: my level with interactions, so as an overall, when I

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Speaker 2: met him, I was like, Wow, he's like he's smart,

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Speaker 2: he's intelligent, he's tall, he's handsome, he's he knows how

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Speaker 2: to talk to me. We can hold conversations for hours

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Speaker 2: and hours, and that's what you look for, someone that

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Speaker 2: you can just basically become best friends with when you

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Speaker 2: first meet them. Then we just started to progress and

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Speaker 2: started seeing each other. We were pretty quick for our

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Speaker 2: families to meet as well, so I think just because

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Speaker 2: we just had such an instant connection at the time,

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Speaker 2: and he was quite a assertive person where he was like, yep,

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Speaker 2: I'm ready to.

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Speaker 3: Meet your family.

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Speaker 2: Literally within the first two months we had met each

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Speaker 2: other's families. His family were beautiful, My family were beautiful

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Speaker 2: as well, So we both came from quite good people

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Speaker 2: around us, and then our relationship just grew.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it all sounds pretty great so far, and

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Speaker 1: it was. They both lived at home, but they'd stay

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Speaker 1: at each other's places, go out for lots of dinners,

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Speaker 1: and away for the weekends. It was all just so

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Speaker 1: nice and normal. Emily couldn't believe her luck.

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Speaker 3: And when you're young, you're not used to this. You're like, oh, wow,

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Speaker 3: this guy is adoring you.

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Speaker 2: He just takes you everywhere, like treats you how you

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Speaker 2: should be treated in your relationship. So if you wanted

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Speaker 2: to go for dinner here, books at here, we want

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Speaker 2: to go our way for a weekend book this, we

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Speaker 2: would go shopping.

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Speaker 3: He would buy things for me, you know, just doing

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Speaker 3: the little things.

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Speaker 2: He was very loving and acts of service was what

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Speaker 2: he brought to me at such a young age as well.

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Speaker 2: Over so, I would say the first two years, we

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Speaker 2: just continue to grow with each other. He finished his degree,

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Speaker 2: we started to think about maybe moving out in the

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Speaker 2: next few years.

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Speaker 3: So our relationship just grew.

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Speaker 2: That. We became a lot closer with my friends as well,

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Speaker 2: so his friends. He started to lean away from just

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Speaker 2: being that. He started to be involved a little bit

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Speaker 2: more with my life. So my friends. He was around

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Speaker 2: a lot more my family, He started to hang around

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Speaker 2: a lot more, and when we looked in the next

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Speaker 2: few years, started to progress about moving out together. We

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Speaker 2: decided to look at moving somewhere around my area, so

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Speaker 2: he was from a different area. So my life started

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Speaker 2: to become the bigger version in the relationship, which was

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Speaker 2: not bad. He really loved being a part of my

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Speaker 2: life at that time. So the progression was that we

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Speaker 2: were going to look at moving out, so that's what

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Speaker 2: we did. So by the age of around twenty three

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Speaker 2: twenty four, we started to look around. We're getting really

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Speaker 2: excited or we'd also bought a car as well together,

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Speaker 2: and then we did secure a rental at the end

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Speaker 2: of around twenty twenty one, I think when around COVID

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Speaker 2: kind of happened, so we actually moved out during that

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Speaker 2: COVID period. So that was the next big step of

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Speaker 2: our relationship. So there was always like goals of moving

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Speaker 2: out and then in the next few years probably getting

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Speaker 2: engaged and then obviously getting married. In the meantime, I

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Speaker 2: was still studying, he was working full time. I was

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Speaker 2: also working, so we'll still really working hard in our relationship,

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Speaker 2: but we still had our main values, which was to

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Speaker 2: move out and move in together.

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Speaker 3: Which we did.

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Speaker 2: It was so exciting when you move out, like especially

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Speaker 2: going to all the open homes in the beginning and

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Speaker 2: you're just so excited. You're like, wow, we're going to

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Speaker 2: take this next step. We're so in love, Like we

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Speaker 2: just could not wait to take this next step and

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Speaker 2: be in each other's lives all the time and be

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Speaker 2: able to come home from work and have someone there

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Speaker 2: and talk about our days and be able to really

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Speaker 2: live in our relationship one hundred percent. Because beforehand, you know,

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Speaker 2: you go to your parents' house, it's still like a

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Speaker 2: dating situation. It's a very different relationship to when you

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Speaker 2: move out and you're able to plan the future ahead.

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Speaker 2: We were like excited the real test, like, oh, can

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Speaker 2: we handle being around each other all the time.

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Speaker 1: So some quick maths, it's now twenty twenty one, Emily

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Speaker 1: and Joshua twenty four and have been together almost four years.

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Speaker 1: It was the perfect time to take this next step.

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Speaker 2: The first six months is that honeymoon stage, right, So

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Speaker 2: it's maybe similar when people get married and they move

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Speaker 2: out as well. You move out and you're like, oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh, like this is amazing, you know, you're you

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Speaker 2: know physically, emotionally mentally, you're so attracted to each other.

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Speaker 2: You just can't wait to just see each other every

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Speaker 2: day and be with each other after work, or just

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Speaker 2: go out with your friends and just really enjoy each

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Speaker 2: other's company.

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Speaker 3: You know, you're excited to cook together, you're excited.

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Speaker 2: To build the home together, like we were doing all

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Speaker 2: this shopping and getting the place really ready for building

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Speaker 2: a home. The only issue was that it was during COVID,

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Speaker 2: so things started to get restrictive, as you know, so

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Speaker 2: we weren't able to do as much outings as we

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Speaker 2: wished we could. So when we actually moved out, we

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Speaker 2: were kind of forced to stay inside all the time

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Speaker 2: and be with just each other, so it was a

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Speaker 2: real test. Josh was able to leave and go to

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Speaker 2: work because they worked in healthcare. For me, I was

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Speaker 2: still studying and my job was from home, so I

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Speaker 2: was home a lot of the time. But the satisfaction

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Speaker 2: when he came home and being happy started to change.

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Speaker 2: He started to not be as happy, started to be

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Speaker 2: a little bit more tired, and the way he communicated

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Speaker 2: and spoke to me started to change. And at the

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Speaker 2: time we looked at it as Oh, it's just because

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Speaker 2: when he comes home, it's just me there in that seat.

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Speaker 2: He can't really go out and see his friends. We

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Speaker 2: can't really go out and see our family. So that

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Speaker 2: was a difficult period of our relationship. We were anover

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Speaker 2: a fiery couple. We were quite relaxed and we got

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Speaker 2: along so well that there was not much to fight about,

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Speaker 2: and especially at that time, the only issues was that

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Speaker 2: we were come all the time together. There was not

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Speaker 2: much space and there was nothing we could do, so

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Speaker 2: there wasn't much fighting. It was just more maybe get

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Speaker 2: irritable with each other.

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Speaker 3: And then COVID finished.

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Speaker 2: And we started to go out with friends a little

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Speaker 2: bit more. We started to see our families again, but

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Speaker 2: there was just some not right. He just still didn't

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Speaker 2: seem happy. I started to notice these emotions where he

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Speaker 2: wasn't very excited to be home with me anymore. He

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Speaker 2: just seemed a bit mellow down, a little bit of

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Speaker 2: a concern to be around. And I actually approached him

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Speaker 2: about his emotions and how he's been at home, and

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Speaker 2: it was simple, just it's just work, like it's just

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Speaker 2: so much, you know, it's stressful. It was always about

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Speaker 2: his work or his life. It wasn't so much that

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Speaker 2: there was anything between us, but something's just not right

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Speaker 2: because he's not you know, when it's your relationships not

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Speaker 2: one hundred percent, you know when there's just starting to

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Speaker 2: have doubts. And that's what started to come in, and

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Speaker 2: we kind of started to just become a little bit distant.

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Speaker 2: So I wasn't sure what was going on. I felt

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Speaker 2: like everything was fine on my end, but he was

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Speaker 2: very difficult to communicate that with. So there was one

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Speaker 2: day we'd been out with friends and the next morning

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Speaker 2: he explained to me that he's not sure he can

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Speaker 2: commit to our relationship anymore. I've sat there with him

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Speaker 2: on the couch, go what do you mean, what are

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Speaker 2: you talking about? And he's just started to explain that

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Speaker 2: he's not sure if he made the right decision I

224
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Speaker 2: guess by staying in this relationship, and he's not sure

225
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Speaker 2: he can commit and he doesn't know what it is,

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Speaker 2: and started to make all these excuses about why he

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Speaker 2: maybe thinks that us being together isn't really a good idea.

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Speaker 2: And I'm really not stupid. I'm not oblivious to signs.

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Speaker 2: And that's what I said to Migot. There's been nothing like,

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Speaker 2: you haven't shown me that there have been issues apart

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Speaker 2: from how you've been irritable and tired and stressed or whatever,

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Speaker 2: but you haven't actually communicated to me that there was

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Speaker 2: something wrong.

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Speaker 1: He wasn't actually breaking up with her, but he certainly

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Speaker 1: threw a bomb, and that started a really hard and

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Speaker 1: pretty toxic cycle.

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Speaker 2: Through end of twenty twenty one to about January. We

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Speaker 2: started to have fights, so we started to really become

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Speaker 2: intolerable with each other because he just was really changing.

240
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Speaker 2: And then when he said all that, two days later,

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Speaker 2: he would pull me aside and say, I'm really sorry.

242
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Speaker 2: I don't mean what I said. You know I love

243
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Speaker 2: you so much, you know I didn't mean why. So

244
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Speaker 2: he starts to kind of love bonb me with his

245
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Speaker 2: emotions of being confused and not sure what's wrong, And

246
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Speaker 2: it just really confused my head. So when someone's telling

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Speaker 2: you they can't commit and then someone tells you, actually

248
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Speaker 2: I take it all back, like I'm really sorry, and

249
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Speaker 2: if you love that person, of course you're gonna sit there.

250
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Speaker 2: I'm like, yes, no worries, that's fine, Like I know

251
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Speaker 2: you're going through something.

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Speaker 3: It's all good. I told him.

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Speaker 2: I've said I want to fight for this because I

254
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Speaker 2: really love you, I really and truly love you with

255
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Speaker 2: my heart. And you know we've been together that this

256
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Speaker 2: time was like four or five years. Like there's a

257
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Speaker 2: lot of work to do. When we're young, we can

258
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Speaker 2: work through it. And a feeling of doubt, and that's

259
00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,240
Speaker 2: what we would talk about ago. He goes, I think

260
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Speaker 2: I'm having doubts, and I'm not sure why. We were

261
00:12:57,880 --> 00:12:59,800
Speaker 2: always sitting there at night and trying to work out

262
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Speaker 2: why why are you having these doubts anyway, and then

263
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Speaker 2: I always put me in a position where I thought

264
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Speaker 2: I'm doing something wrong. Am I not giving him enough love?

265
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Speaker 2: Am I not challenging him enough?

266
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Speaker 3: Am I?

267
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Speaker 2: And then you start to put it on yourself and

268
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Speaker 2: you just don't know what to do. You start to

269
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Speaker 2: feel really insecure in your relationship because your partner's starting

270
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,360
Speaker 2: to throw these words in terms that you've never heard

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Speaker 2: before in the last few years, and all of a sudden, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it just starts to confuse you. Really, the end of

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty ONECE are going to twenty twenty two New

274
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Speaker 2: Year's we had officially had a very big fight and

275
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Speaker 2: I said, I'm just I cannot be treated like this anymore.

276
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Speaker 2: I can't be with someone who doesn't know what they want.

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Speaker 2: I can't be told I want you one day and

278
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Speaker 2: I don't want you the next day. I started to

279
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Speaker 2: take days off from living with him, so we thought

280
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Speaker 2: maybe giving each other space would be good. So a

281
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Speaker 2: few days away from the apartment, I would stay with

282
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Speaker 2: my parents. Obviously, I had a very close relationship with

283
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Speaker 2: my parents, so they knew everything, so it was very

284
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Speaker 2: fine to go back home to mine. And then he

285
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,319
Speaker 2: would also do the same, So I would come back

286
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Speaker 2: to the apartment and he would spend a few days

287
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Speaker 2: at his parents. And this went on maybe for about

288
00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,960
Speaker 2: one or two months, until I just called it and

289
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,160
Speaker 2: said I'm going to move back home. Throughout that period,

290
00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,760
Speaker 2: he still never gave me one hundred percent. We both

291
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,320
Speaker 2: kind of agreed maybe we should take a relationship back

292
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,240
Speaker 2: and I will move out, and maybe he needs to

293
00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,160
Speaker 2: work on himself a little bit more and really prove

294
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Speaker 2: to me that.

295
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,680
Speaker 3: He wants to be with me.

296
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Speaker 2: But the best thing for me right now is to

297
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:32,640
Speaker 2: move away from him, be a bit more independent. It

298
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:35,320
Speaker 2: got to a point where I didn't want to break up,

299
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:40,440
Speaker 2: but I knew mentally I cannot go through these emotions anymore.

300
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,640
Speaker 1: It wasn't really a break up, more of a break

301
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,920
Speaker 1: because Emily wanted to be with Josh more than anything,

302
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,920
Speaker 1: and soon he realized that's what he wanted.

303
00:14:49,680 --> 00:14:52,960
Speaker 2: To It was just a rollercoaster those periods of two months,

304
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,640
Speaker 2: three months, when you like someone and your heart is

305
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 2: still in love with that person, you go back.

306
00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:00,840
Speaker 3: That's what happened.

307
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,280
Speaker 2: What he was saying was, this is the biggest mistake

308
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:06,680
Speaker 2: of my life. I should not have told you to

309
00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,400
Speaker 2: move out. I was just going through some emotions. I

310
00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,680
Speaker 2: promise you. I'm just working on myself. Just a few

311
00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,360
Speaker 2: months apart, and we'll keep seeing each other. I'm doing

312
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,160
Speaker 2: this because I want to be the best version for

313
00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:22,200
Speaker 2: when we are together in the future. He would say

314
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,320
Speaker 2: about how much he loved me, and how much he

315
00:15:26,000 --> 00:15:31,240
Speaker 2: would say about how it's all about building himself for

316
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,880
Speaker 2: being a better partner later.

317
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:34,680
Speaker 3: On in life.

318
00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,160
Speaker 2: He consistently messaged me every single day, as much as

319
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:42,560
Speaker 2: I told him maybe we should just lay off speaking

320
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:45,160
Speaker 2: for a little bit. That was near and possible because

321
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:47,200
Speaker 2: I would still get my phone calls, I would still

322
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 2: get constant messages. It was almost like we never broke up.

323
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:55,000
Speaker 2: Really it was just a break from living together. I

324
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,960
Speaker 2: thought he might just be going through some emotional things,

325
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,240
Speaker 2: could have just been a really hard year with everything

326
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,280
Speaker 2: going on. I put that aside and I said, all right,

327
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:05,920
Speaker 2: let's work on our relationship. I won't live with you,

328
00:16:06,440 --> 00:16:09,240
Speaker 2: let's keep moving forward. And we did, and we worked

329
00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,480
Speaker 2: very hard for the next two years. So I lived

330
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,640
Speaker 2: at home. He continued to live out a home. I

331
00:16:15,680 --> 00:16:18,960
Speaker 2: helped him find his next apartment. So we were very

332
00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:24,800
Speaker 2: much still together, just not living together. We went to weddings,

333
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:28,480
Speaker 2: we traveled, and then we went away in the middle

334
00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:31,200
Speaker 2: of the year to South Australia, did a two three

335
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:34,040
Speaker 2: week wine trip. We were really excited because we're like, yes,

336
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:36,560
Speaker 2: this is right, Like we love being with each other,

337
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 2: we love traveling. So end of twenty twenty two, I said,

338
00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,480
Speaker 2: look for financial reasons, I prefer to live at home.

339
00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,280
Speaker 2: Since our relationships working so well, you know, it's really

340
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:50,000
Speaker 2: not that different. Now everything's fine. Our friends know we're

341
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:52,600
Speaker 2: back together, our family know we're back together. We really

342
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,920
Speaker 2: are just working well. We're both loving each other again.

343
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:59,120
Speaker 2: It just kind of excelled back to.

344
00:16:59,080 --> 00:16:59,760
Speaker 3: Where we were.

345
00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:03,400
Speaker 2: The fear of like, oh, he doesn't want to commit

346
00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,639
Speaker 2: to me had kind of disappeared in that period because

347
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:08,520
Speaker 2: he started to just give me one hundred percent when

348
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,520
Speaker 2: I was with him, and I didn't need to see

349
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:13,800
Speaker 2: him every day because he was being a healthy partner

350
00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,320
Speaker 2: and that he gave me the things that I wanted

351
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,399
Speaker 2: again and everything was fine. We planned a trip for

352
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:23,480
Speaker 2: Europe in twenty twenty three and we traveled to Europe

353
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:28,400
Speaker 2: for six weeks, went with just us two and the

354
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 2: only thing I would say about that trip was that

355
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,840
Speaker 2: before we went away, I was thinking like.

356
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:33,920
Speaker 3: Would he propose?

357
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:36,919
Speaker 2: And before we left, he kind of said to me

358
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,359
Speaker 2: when we were sitting at the airport, and I remember this,

359
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:42,159
Speaker 2: he said, just letting you know I'm not proposing to

360
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:45,160
Speaker 2: you because I don't think I can afford it right now.

361
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,439
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, right, and I go, I

362
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,120
Speaker 2: know that's not what the troop's about. I said, yes,

363
00:17:51,119 --> 00:17:54,160
Speaker 2: because an engagement won't change anything. We've been together for years,

364
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 2: like I know this person will do it. And I

365
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,720
Speaker 2: also said to him, I'm not asking for it right now,

366
00:17:58,760 --> 00:18:01,040
Speaker 2: like I understand you're able to show me that you

367
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:02,359
Speaker 2: love me and that you want to be with me,

368
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,600
Speaker 2: and you're still promising me that future. Then I'm going

369
00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 2: to agree, day, you don't need for proposing this trip,

370
00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,840
Speaker 2: because you can maybe can do it the next one

371
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,800
Speaker 2: that we go on, or the end of the year

372
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,400
Speaker 2: or whatever. There was no I still had that certainty

373
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,120
Speaker 2: from him, because he still showed me that we would

374
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 2: still be potentially.

375
00:18:18,359 --> 00:18:20,200
Speaker 3: Getting married even when we're away.

376
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:23,720
Speaker 2: We're like talking about places that could be nice to

377
00:18:23,880 --> 00:18:27,879
Speaker 2: get married, and especially when we were in Amalfi and Italy,

378
00:18:27,960 --> 00:18:30,120
Speaker 2: we were talking about like, oh gosh, how beautiful would

379
00:18:30,119 --> 00:18:33,159
Speaker 2: be do our wedding here, Like the intentions were always

380
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:33,640
Speaker 2: still there.

381
00:18:33,960 --> 00:18:35,560
Speaker 3: He started to plan like that we.

382
00:18:35,560 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 2: Would get married overseas and maybe a lope overseas and

383
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:42,800
Speaker 2: have a real intimate wedding with like our closest friends,

384
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:48,000
Speaker 2: and just really he still painted this picture about getting engaged.

385
00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:52,520
Speaker 2: So we go on our trip. Everything was beautiful. It

386
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:55,800
Speaker 2: was that European trip. Were traveling everywhere, so in love.

387
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 2: We're like, oh my gosh, like this is amazing. We

388
00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:01,440
Speaker 2: can't wait to do this again. And then we come

389
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,760
Speaker 2: back and something changes again.

390
00:19:04,880 --> 00:19:07,280
Speaker 3: I don't know what it was. I could not figure

391
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:07,640
Speaker 3: it out.

392
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 2: But he starts to become the most up and down

393
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:15,840
Speaker 2: person I've ever met. So leading up to Europe, everything

394
00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:17,840
Speaker 2: was fine. We go away, we come back, and he

395
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:21,119
Speaker 2: just becomes a person of doubts and insecurities again.

396
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:27,120
Speaker 1: It was an absolute rollercoaster, but Emily wanted to stick

397
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:29,919
Speaker 1: by him and help him. It had been almost seven

398
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,480
Speaker 1: years they've been together now, and she loved him, didn't she.

399
00:19:34,520 --> 00:19:40,360
Speaker 2: We get to around February, he starts to really change,

400
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:43,520
Speaker 2: and this is a side of him I've never seen before.

401
00:19:44,240 --> 00:19:47,920
Speaker 2: So this is when I start questioning if I want

402
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,200
Speaker 2: to be with this person anymore? Am I really going

403
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 2: to be waiting around for someone to make up their mind?

404
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:59,200
Speaker 2: And the way he would talk to me was irritable, angry.

405
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 2: He didn't treat me how I was treated in the

406
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:06,600
Speaker 2: first few years. We weren't going out as much anymore.

407
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:09,639
Speaker 2: He started to not make sense with how he spoke

408
00:20:09,680 --> 00:20:13,480
Speaker 2: to me. His actions just were different. He would not

409
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 2: touch me anymore, He was less physical, emotionally, started to

410
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:21,080
Speaker 2: be disconnected and I really noticed it around my friends

411
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,199
Speaker 2: as well. How he started to treat me it was

412
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:26,080
Speaker 2: quite rude. How he talked about me started to change

413
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:30,200
Speaker 2: as well. He just became a different person. I always

414
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 2: gave him the benefit of doubt that maybe it's because

415
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 2: of his work or because of something going on with

416
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 2: his friends. But it just got to the point where

417
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:40,480
Speaker 2: there was one night where he started to tell me

418
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:43,480
Speaker 2: that he had anxiety, and I said, what anxiety. You've

419
00:20:43,600 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 2: never had anxiety around me before.

420
00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 3: What's going on?

421
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 2: And he did have a really big anxiety attack one

422
00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:50,960
Speaker 2: night and woke me up in the middle of the

423
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:54,160
Speaker 2: night and said he can't breathe and just something's not right.

424
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:57,760
Speaker 2: So I didn't really do anything about it. I just

425
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:58,439
Speaker 2: let him be.

426
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 3: I let him treat me how he wanted to treat me.

427
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:06,560
Speaker 2: And I continued on until we get to April, and

428
00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 2: then everything came crumbling down one day when my sister.

429
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 3: Rocked up to my door.

430
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 2: She knocked to my door and said, Emily, I think

431
00:21:16,640 --> 00:21:22,240
Speaker 2: Josh has another girlfriend. They've been together for two years.

432
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 1: Meet Olivia in twenty twenty two. She was twenty six

433
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:30,639
Speaker 1: and just out of a long term relationship when she

434
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 1: went to work one day in a job in healthcare

435
00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:35,959
Speaker 1: and was on shift with a guy she hadn't met before,

436
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,160
Speaker 1: a guy named Josh.

437
00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 4: We have the same job, but we didn't work in

438
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,320
Speaker 4: the same area. I had to go to his area

439
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 4: to work that day, so.

440
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:47,200
Speaker 3: I'd never met him before.

441
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,960
Speaker 4: Initially, at the start of the shift, I didn't think

442
00:21:51,000 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 4: anything of it. You just go to work, you're in

443
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 4: work mode, you just get talking. He came across as

444
00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 4: very confident, but during the ship he asked me a

445
00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 4: lot about myself. So the job was really intense, and

446
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 4: we were working together one on one for twelve hours.

447
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 4: That's obviously a lot of time to get to know somebody.

448
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:16,400
Speaker 4: He came across very charming, very charismatic, wanted to know

449
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:19,639
Speaker 4: a lot about me, asked a lot of questions during

450
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:23,720
Speaker 4: the twelve hours. But it started off with just general

451
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:28,119
Speaker 4: chit chat, but quite quickly it got into quite serious questions.

452
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 4: He wanted to know about my family, my past relationships,

453
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:35,640
Speaker 4: what I wanted in a relationship. He had a way

454
00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 4: of asking the questions without it seeming like they were

455
00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:43,920
Speaker 4: too intimate. He asked me a lot about my previous

456
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:48,679
Speaker 4: boyfriend and why we broke up, and I said, you know,

457
00:22:49,119 --> 00:22:51,199
Speaker 4: we had a great relationship. He was a great person,

458
00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 4: but just wasn't the person for me. And I remember

459
00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 4: saying a few of the reasons why I broke up

460
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 4: with him, and he and said to me, Oh, they're

461
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,359
Speaker 4: very similar reasons to why I broke up with my

462
00:23:05,480 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 4: ex girlfriend. So I'd say that's actually probably how we

463
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 4: bonded the most.

464
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:10,720
Speaker 3: I would say.

465
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:15,160
Speaker 4: He spoke a lot about his ex girlfriend, Emily and

466
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,439
Speaker 4: what they were missing in their relationship and what he

467
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 4: wanted in his next relationship. I then went home that

468
00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 4: night and he'd added me on social media as you do,

469
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:32,640
Speaker 4: and slid into my DMS, and we just got chatting.

470
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 4: When I left the shift, I remember driving home and thought, oh, Wow,

471
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:39,280
Speaker 4: I've met someone that will be in my life for

472
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:42,239
Speaker 4: a long time. You have that feeling where you know

473
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,439
Speaker 4: that you met them for a reason. That's definitely how

474
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:50,240
Speaker 4: I felt. I don't know if I knew in what capacity.

475
00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,439
Speaker 4: Because of work, it's obviously like a different environment. I

476
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:57,000
Speaker 4: didn't know if we would just be friends, or if

477
00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:00,000
Speaker 4: we would go out on a date or anything like that.

478
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 4: But I definitely had the feeling that I'd met someone

479
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 4: that we had a lot in common with and that

480
00:24:04,040 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 4: I'd want to see again. So when he messaged me

481
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:11,000
Speaker 4: on social media, I did feel happy. I thought, oh,

482
00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,959
Speaker 4: he obviously thought it as well. We obviously did have

483
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 4: the connection. It wasn't just one sided. From that day

484
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,080
Speaker 4: when we messaged each other, that was it. You start

485
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 4: talking to each other every day, and we did not

486
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 4: speak to each other for a day from July twenty

487
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 4: twenty two onwards. I think initially my thing was I

488
00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 4: felt very seen. He seemed to really understand my personality.

489
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 4: He seemed to really connect with my personality. It seemed

490
00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:41,520
Speaker 4: like I had met the boy version of me.

491
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:42,160
Speaker 3: Almost.

492
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 4: When he was asking me questions, he would always say, Oh,

493
00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,879
Speaker 4: that's the same as me, or that's what I'm looking for,

494
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:50,399
Speaker 4: or oh wow, we seem like we really want the

495
00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,919
Speaker 4: same things in the future. Even that first shift, I

496
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 4: remember him comparing me to his family and saying that

497
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 4: I had a lot in common with his family, and

498
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:03,679
Speaker 4: he thinks that just things like that, you know my

499
00:25:03,760 --> 00:25:05,879
Speaker 4: sister does that, or you know you have a lot

500
00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 4: in common with my sister, or he would say things like,

501
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,199
Speaker 4: oh my god, it's so weird, like you remind me

502
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,960
Speaker 4: a lot of my family. You would fit in really

503
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 4: well with my family. We spent a lot of time together.

504
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 4: We spoke every day, we started going out on dates.

505
00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 4: He was definitely the type to want to impress, want

506
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:28,080
Speaker 4: to wine and dine, You take you out to different restaurants,

507
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: try different wines, things like that. He always thought of

508
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 4: himself as a romantic and he wanted to convey that

509
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,840
Speaker 4: as well. I would say it was pretty standard the

510
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:44,479
Speaker 4: way it happened. You just start spending more time together,

511
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,600
Speaker 4: and then a couple of months later, you know, you

512
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 4: just have the conversation and we were boyfriend and girlfriend.

513
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 4: So that was maybe three to four months after July.

514
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 4: We had the conversation that we were together, and that

515
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:02,919
Speaker 4: was it. I remember thinking that the feeling that I

516
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 4: have for Josh is very different to the feeling that

517
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 4: I had for my ex partner. I remember with my

518
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 4: ex partner, I always felt very safe and secure, and

519
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:17,960
Speaker 4: with Josh, I always felt excitement. I thought that maybe

520
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:21,560
Speaker 4: this is what butterflies were. I didn't recognize the feeling.

521
00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 4: I didn't know if it was love. I think it

522
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 4: was definitely something that I wanted to explore. Because I'd

523
00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:32,520
Speaker 4: only just gotten out of a relationship a couple months earlier,

524
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,040
Speaker 4: I was still very much in the era where I

525
00:26:35,080 --> 00:26:37,280
Speaker 4: was wanting to do things for myself. I was wanting

526
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:40,120
Speaker 4: to keep my independence. So I would say that probably

527
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,040
Speaker 4: the first year I was a very slow progression, but

528
00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,720
Speaker 4: it was fine. It was healthy because we worked in

529
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: the same workplace. We worked in different areas, but I

530
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 4: did know a lot of the people that he was

531
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,879
Speaker 4: friends with, and he knew a lot of the people

532
00:26:53,880 --> 00:26:57,119
Speaker 4: that I was friends with. So we slowly started to

533
00:26:57,200 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 4: just go out into different work things or I would

534
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,160
Speaker 4: meet his friends. But a lot of his friends from

535
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 4: work I already knew, so it wasn't necessarily getting introduced

536
00:27:07,320 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 4: to his friends. It was more just meeting them in

537
00:27:10,359 --> 00:27:14,520
Speaker 4: the capacity of Josh's girlfriend. He was European, one of

538
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 4: his sisters lived over in Europe, and one of his

539
00:27:17,840 --> 00:27:21,239
Speaker 4: sisters lived quite rurally, so it wasn't easy for us

540
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:27,680
Speaker 4: to organize to meet his family. Josh's mum lived between

541
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 4: Europe and Australia, so there was only small windows where

542
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:35,439
Speaker 4: we would have the opportunity for me to meet her.

543
00:27:36,480 --> 00:27:39,000
Speaker 4: He would always say, like, my mum is really excited

544
00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,320
Speaker 4: to meet you. My sisters and my mum have heard

545
00:27:41,320 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 4: so much about you. They're going to love you. Your

546
00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:49,800
Speaker 4: everything that they kind of envisioned me with. He then

547
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:54,040
Speaker 4: went to Europe in the middle of twenty twenty three.

548
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 4: He told me that he had booked that trip prior

549
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,679
Speaker 4: to meeting me a year before with one of his

550
00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:04,440
Speaker 4: best friends. So even though we were together now, he'd

551
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 4: already booked this Europe trip prior to meeting me. I

552
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 4: didn't have to leave from work, so I wouldn't have

553
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 4: been able to go on this Europe trip either. I

554
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,400
Speaker 4: would say when he was in Europe, he was very

555
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 4: intense with me. He used to message me every day,

556
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 4: call me all the time, send me a lot of

557
00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:25,919
Speaker 4: voice notes. It had never really been like this before.

558
00:28:26,000 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 4: It was always quite it seems like quite a healthy

559
00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:33,560
Speaker 4: relationship initially, And when he was in Europe, I thought

560
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 4: maybe it was just because he was there and he

561
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,479
Speaker 4: was missing me, and he was sad that he had

562
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 4: gone to Europe without me. But there was a lot

563
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 4: of intense conversations, a lot of conversations about the future,

564
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:47,040
Speaker 4: a lot of how much he loved me, a lot

565
00:28:47,080 --> 00:28:50,200
Speaker 4: of how much he missed me. And then when he

566
00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,240
Speaker 4: came back. So this is a year into our relationship.

567
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:59,200
Speaker 4: In July twenty twenty three, I would say that it

568
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:02,040
Speaker 4: started to be come a lot more intense. He would

569
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,440
Speaker 4: start talking a lot more about the future. I suppose

570
00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 4: I thought that was normal. We've been together for about

571
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:10,480
Speaker 4: a year at this point, so I thought that he

572
00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 4: had just kind of realized that I was the person

573
00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 4: that he wanted to be with at this point. I

574
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 4: would say, throughout the relationship, though it was a lot

575
00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 4: of push and pull, it was never this linear good stage.

576
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:29,959
Speaker 4: It never felt like a healthy balance of a normal

577
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:33,160
Speaker 4: relationship to what I thought a normal relationship was. There

578
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 4: was always good times and bad times. There was always

579
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,280
Speaker 4: times where he was really attentive and then times where

580
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 4: he wasn't really attentive. So for the first year, the

581
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,960
Speaker 4: ups and downs that we had were definitely more time

582
00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 4: that we could spend with each other because we were

583
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,560
Speaker 4: both so busy. I would say that we would go

584
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 4: through periods where we were able to see each other

585
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 4: a lot, and then periods where we weren't able to

586
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 4: see each other a lot. There'd be periods where he

587
00:29:56,360 --> 00:29:58,320
Speaker 4: was really busy and unable to see me, and then

588
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 4: periods where he'd want to see me every single day.

589
00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 4: It was just like how you always kind of know,

590
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 4: like is someone texting you all the time? Is someone

591
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 4: calling you all the time? Or was he a little

592
00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 4: bit more distant not wanting to talk as much, not

593
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 4: able to talk, maybe not answering my phone calls for

594
00:30:15,080 --> 00:30:18,880
Speaker 4: a couple of hours or things like that. When I

595
00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:23,840
Speaker 4: first got into a relationship with him, I was pretty anxious,

596
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 4: I would say. I started going to therapy for anxiety

597
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:34,000
Speaker 4: around the same time that we had gotten together, and

598
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 4: I thought that the ups and downs were always me.

599
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 4: So when I wasn't feeling secure in the relationship, I

600
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,280
Speaker 4: would always think, like, it's just because you're anxious. It's

601
00:30:44,320 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 4: your fault. Anything that's going on would just be because

602
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 4: of you. So I thought that potentially that everything was

603
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 4: always normal in our relationship and my emotions were the

604
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,960
Speaker 4: ones that changed. I would always end up leave me

605
00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,520
Speaker 4: the conversation feeling like I had done something wrong and

606
00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 4: my reaction was the problem, and I would always bring

607
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,800
Speaker 4: something up but leave the conversation apologizing. So the time

608
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,920
Speaker 4: where that kind of became really evident was on my birthday.

609
00:31:13,920 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 4: It was my birthday when we were overseas with my

610
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:21,160
Speaker 4: friend and we had an argument on the phone and

611
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:25,120
Speaker 4: he made me feel really bad about it, and I

612
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,760
Speaker 4: left the conversation saying to my friend, oh, I expected

613
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:31,200
Speaker 4: too much on my birthday.

614
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,320
Speaker 3: He did his best. He called me up.

615
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:36,000
Speaker 4: You know, He's told me that I expected too much

616
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 4: of him and I should have just been happy with

617
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 4: what I got from him at that time. I think

618
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:45,400
Speaker 4: potentially having the space saying it out loud, and then

619
00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 4: also just having a friend to talk to made it

620
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,920
Speaker 4: quite obvious that that wasn't normal.

621
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:55,040
Speaker 1: After a year together, Olivia decided this maybe wasn't the

622
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 1: relationship for her. After all, it had been fun, but

623
00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 1: it wasn't too serious. So when she got home from

624
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: her holiday, she decided to call it quits. She told

625
00:32:04,560 --> 00:32:07,520
Speaker 1: him this was and what she wanted, but Josh wouldn't

626
00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: let go.

627
00:32:08,920 --> 00:32:12,520
Speaker 4: I was getting messages the next day saying that he

628
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:15,959
Speaker 4: didn't want to break up and that he will fix it,

629
00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 4: and he doesn't know how he's going to fix it yet,

630
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 4: but he's going to start going to therapy and he's

631
00:32:21,200 --> 00:32:22,760
Speaker 4: going to be better and he's going to learn a

632
00:32:22,760 --> 00:32:25,560
Speaker 4: lot about it, and he would really like if I

633
00:32:25,640 --> 00:32:29,360
Speaker 4: could stick by him. Everything kind of turned after that.

634
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:33,160
Speaker 4: It went to a completely different level of a relationship.

635
00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 4: I was completely love bombed. I was getting text messages

636
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,360
Speaker 4: every single day. I was getting phone calls every day,

637
00:32:42,080 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 4: big paragraphs and emails and letters, and he would do

638
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,360
Speaker 4: things for me. So he would come to my door

639
00:32:48,400 --> 00:32:50,600
Speaker 4: and he would drop off meals that he'd made for

640
00:32:50,680 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 4: me for the whole week, and bring me flowers and

641
00:32:53,320 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 4: organize dinners. And it was just zero to one hundred.

642
00:32:58,360 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 4: He came and spent Christmas with my family in Queensland.

643
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,360
Speaker 4: He booked his flights. They were obviously expensive over Christmas.

644
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,760
Speaker 4: I think he spent upwards of five hundred dollars.

645
00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 3: To fly there.

646
00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 4: He said that he was really excited. He spoke a

647
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,560
Speaker 4: lot about it. He was excited to meet my family.

648
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,040
Speaker 4: He wanted to know if he could get them presents.

649
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,120
Speaker 4: He was doing all the things that you would expect

650
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 4: of a loving partner at that time. I would say

651
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 4: we had a perfect relationship where he was completely devoted

652
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,800
Speaker 4: to me. He was always infatuated with me. He used

653
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:35,520
Speaker 4: to tell me how great I was, and he would

654
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,840
Speaker 4: send me pictures of things that he would you see

655
00:33:38,880 --> 00:33:41,560
Speaker 4: in a magazine or on Instagram and say I want

656
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:44,360
Speaker 4: this for our house, or he would just randomly text

657
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:45,959
Speaker 4: me and say, oh, I think you're going to be

658
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,600
Speaker 4: such a great mother. I can't wait to have children

659
00:33:48,640 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 4: with you one day. Or it was just like I

660
00:33:51,360 --> 00:33:53,960
Speaker 4: was the best person in the whole world. And it's

661
00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 4: very hard to not like feeling like that when someone

662
00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 4: is just like absolutely infatuated with everything that you could do,

663
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 4: and I could do no wrong. And he started doing

664
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 4: a lot of things that I was doing as well,

665
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 4: so we were in the same job. I had gone

666
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 4: back to UNI to study something, and then all of

667
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,319
Speaker 4: a sudden he wanted to go back to UNI as well,

668
00:34:15,360 --> 00:34:18,760
Speaker 4: and he would want to study something or I remember

669
00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:21,279
Speaker 4: deleting my Instagram because I wanted to have some time

670
00:34:21,320 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 4: off social media, so he also deleted his Instagram. And

671
00:34:24,040 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 4: he would always just think that every idea that I

672
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:29,600
Speaker 4: had was honestly, like the best thing ever I could

673
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:33,759
Speaker 4: have never imagined. April twenty twenty four, when it all

674
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,240
Speaker 4: unraveled the way that it did, I was between night shifts.

675
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 4: It was probably five pm. I'd just woken up and

676
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,399
Speaker 4: I had a text from Josh and it had said

677
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 4: can you give me a call? We need to talk.

678
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 4: I was half asleep at this point, and I call

679
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 4: him up and I'm like, what do you want, Like,

680
00:34:48,040 --> 00:34:51,600
Speaker 4: I'm getting ready for work, half asleep, and he was like,

681
00:34:52,880 --> 00:34:56,399
Speaker 4: so I really need to tell you something. When we

682
00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:01,000
Speaker 4: first started seeing each other two years ago. There was

683
00:35:01,040 --> 00:35:05,479
Speaker 4: a slight overlap with another girl, and I had said,

684
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 4: what do you mean by a slight overlap? Just be

685
00:35:09,239 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 4: straight with me. We met in July. Let's say we

686
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:18,239
Speaker 4: didn't have the girlfriend boyfriend chat till November. From November,

687
00:35:18,440 --> 00:35:21,359
Speaker 4: how long was the overlap? And he said until February

688
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 4: twenty twenty three, and I said, okay, I'm done, and

689
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,400
Speaker 4: I just hung up the phone. He had told me

690
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 4: about another girl from our workplace that he had seen

691
00:35:32,719 --> 00:35:37,880
Speaker 4: slightly before me. So when he said that, I thought

692
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,840
Speaker 4: that he was talking about this girl at work called Amy.

693
00:35:42,840 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 4: And I just continued to get ready for work. And

694
00:35:46,080 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 4: he had texted me saying I'm coming over. Don't leave

695
00:35:49,000 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 4: for work. I said, do not come over. I won't

696
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:56,399
Speaker 4: be here. I'm going to work, And in the meantime

697
00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:00,440
Speaker 4: he came over. He pulled up at my house and

698
00:36:00,640 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 4: messaged me saying I'm outside, let's talk. Just as I

699
00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:08,080
Speaker 4: was about to go outside, I got a message from

700
00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:14,760
Speaker 4: Emily and it said something like, hey, Olivia, my name's Emily.

701
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:19,759
Speaker 4: Just in case you didn't know, I have been in

702
00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 4: a relationship with Josh for seven years. And I just

703
00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:28,240
Speaker 4: walked out, calm it. And he was yelling over the fence,

704
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 4: this doesn't change anything. We've been doing so well. I

705
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:34,239
Speaker 4: still love you. You're the one that I want to

706
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:37,560
Speaker 4: be with. And I just held up the phone and

707
00:36:37,600 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 4: I said, look, she's messaged me. This photo that she's

708
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:45,279
Speaker 4: just sent me is date stamped from January. That's not

709
00:36:45,320 --> 00:36:49,120
Speaker 4: February twenty twenty three. And he was saying, no, she's crazy,

710
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:53,479
Speaker 4: she's crazy. Don't believe her. I was like, babe, it's

711
00:36:53,600 --> 00:36:56,760
Speaker 4: time stamped. Like you, just stop lying to me, Stop

712
00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 4: lying to me, and just admit to what you've done

713
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,360
Speaker 4: because there's evidence here. I'm not going to believe you.

714
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:07,920
Speaker 4: Stop with the act. And he just kind of was

715
00:37:07,960 --> 00:37:12,719
Speaker 4: silent and he wasn't saying anything. I said, let me

716
00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,720
Speaker 4: make it easy for you, because you've got a small

717
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:18,120
Speaker 4: little brain. I'm going to ask you some simple questions.

718
00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 4: Have you slept with her this year? And he said yes.

719
00:37:22,440 --> 00:37:24,919
Speaker 4: And then I made him come over and I said

720
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,399
Speaker 4: look at me in the eye. And he came over

721
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,160
Speaker 4: and I said, I'll never forgive you, never speak to

722
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:31,720
Speaker 4: me again.

723
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 3: And then I just walked back inside and I went

724
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:34,160
Speaker 3: to work.

725
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 1: Okay, we're all caught up one guy, two girls, same time.

726
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: So let's go back to Emily and his sister and

727
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,560
Speaker 1: dig into what she found out.

728
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 2: So when my sister came over and saw me, she

729
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 2: showed me a message and it was stating that Josh

730
00:37:54,760 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 2: has another girlfriend from work for the last two years

731
00:37:59,239 --> 00:38:02,880
Speaker 2: and everyone knows. And I go, what are you talking about?

732
00:38:03,040 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 2: And I go to my sister, where did you get

733
00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 2: this from? And she goes, look, I'm not sure, but

734
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:13,359
Speaker 2: there's a photo of Josh with the other woman and

735
00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:16,640
Speaker 2: this can't be real. At first, you go, no, no way.

736
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 2: I literally thought, there's no way. He's not capable of that.

737
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:22,200
Speaker 2: Where would he find the time to have another girlfriend?

738
00:38:22,239 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: That was the first thought through my head, like who

739
00:38:24,080 --> 00:38:26,960
Speaker 2: has time like for one relationship, let alone another one.

740
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:30,359
Speaker 2: So I had a chat to the person that sent

741
00:38:30,400 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 2: the photo to my sister, and that person began to

742
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 2: explain everything to me and said, look, Emily, I'm really

743
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:42,759
Speaker 2: really sorry. Basically, everyone knows that Josh has been in

744
00:38:42,760 --> 00:38:47,439
Speaker 2: a relationship with Olivia for the last two years. These

745
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,239
Speaker 2: are the photos of them. I don't know what else

746
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,720
Speaker 2: to say to you, but yeah, he's got another partner.

747
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 2: And when I heard those words, I actually didn't doubt it.

748
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:03,120
Speaker 2: I go, okay, you know what, I think this makes

749
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,439
Speaker 2: sense because I've been feeling like something was not right

750
00:39:06,640 --> 00:39:08,040
Speaker 2: and now I think I finally know.

751
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 3: But of course I'm sick to.

752
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 2: My stomach because I'm just trying to register that my

753
00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 2: partner has another partner.

754
00:39:14,280 --> 00:39:14,839
Speaker 3: What do I do?

755
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 2: Do I confront him in person? Do I say something

756
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 2: over the phone? You don't really know how to handle it.

757
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,719
Speaker 2: And at that time, I just thought, look, I know

758
00:39:21,760 --> 00:39:23,759
Speaker 2: when he's going to call me. It's four thirty in

759
00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,399
Speaker 2: the afternoon. He's just going to wake up from being

760
00:39:26,440 --> 00:39:28,320
Speaker 2: asleep because he has a night shift tonight.

761
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 3: I'll have a.

762
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 2: Conversation with him on the phone. So I had my

763
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 2: sister there at the time, so it was good to

764
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,880
Speaker 2: have someone with me. And I was very straight to

765
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:43,960
Speaker 2: the point he called me. I said, okay, who is Olivia?

766
00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 2: And he kind of gasped, what are you talking about?

767
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:51,080
Speaker 2: I go, no, you tell me who Olivia is and

768
00:39:51,120 --> 00:39:54,880
Speaker 2: then we can continue the conversation. And then he starts

769
00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:56,840
Speaker 2: to say, I don't know where you're getting this from.

770
00:39:57,480 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 2: What are you talking about. I'm on a highway right now.

771
00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 2: How day you start talking to me like this. I'm

772
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 2: on the way to work. I go, no, no, no,

773
00:40:05,280 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 2: you need to tell me. Have you had another girlfriend

774
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,160
Speaker 2: for the last two years from work named Olivia? And

775
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 2: then he proceeds to say no, I haven't. I don't

776
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,279
Speaker 2: know where you're getting this from. I go, have you

777
00:40:18,920 --> 00:40:21,719
Speaker 2: hooked up with someone else while you've been a relationship

778
00:40:21,760 --> 00:40:24,759
Speaker 2: with me for the last seven years? And then it

779
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 2: goes quiet, and he's like, okay, I've kissed someone. You've

780
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:33,040
Speaker 2: kissed someone, And obviously my reaction starts to become reactive.

781
00:40:33,160 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 2: So little by little he starts to say, look, I

782
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:37,560
Speaker 2: can't talk right now.

783
00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 3: I'm on the highway.

784
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,719
Speaker 2: Please let me pull over and we can talk about

785
00:40:40,760 --> 00:40:43,880
Speaker 2: this in five ten minutes. So he hangs up the

786
00:40:43,880 --> 00:40:46,360
Speaker 2: phone and I go to my sister, Oh my gosh,

787
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:48,600
Speaker 2: I don't believe him, like I actually think he's got

788
00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:52,200
Speaker 2: another partner. So I found out the girl's name and

789
00:40:52,320 --> 00:40:55,680
Speaker 2: I said, look, in that interim period where he was

790
00:40:55,840 --> 00:41:02,320
Speaker 2: pulling over, I messaged the other girl and I said, hi, Olivia,

791
00:41:03,360 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 2: my name's Emily, just letting you know I've been a

792
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:09,120
Speaker 2: relationship with Josh for the last seven years. I highly

793
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,759
Speaker 2: doubt you had any idea about this, but I'd really

794
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 2: like to talk to you, and here's some photos of

795
00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: us for the last few months, just in case you

796
00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 2: wanted to see.

797
00:41:18,239 --> 00:41:19,399
Speaker 3: If she doesn't believe me.

798
00:41:19,960 --> 00:41:22,560
Speaker 1: So Olivia called. She wanted to know what the hell

799
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 1: was going on too.

800
00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:28,640
Speaker 2: Basically that phone conversation was Olivia explaining to me that

801
00:41:28,719 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: she'd been with my partner, Josh for the last two years.

802
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 2: They'd met at work, they were planning to move out

803
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 2: in the middle of the year. Basically every single aspect

804
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 2: of his life was a lie to me. First, it

805
00:41:45,280 --> 00:41:50,239
Speaker 2: was really angry, and my heart just sank just through me.

806
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:54,040
Speaker 2: I just felt like I'd been actually hit by a

807
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,680
Speaker 2: truck because I just you would never think tomorrow that

808
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,319
Speaker 2: your partner's just been with someone for them, not just

809
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:05,200
Speaker 2: cheated on you, but had another relationship with someone else.

810
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,000
Speaker 2: But I think my mind didn't register what was going on,

811
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:11,320
Speaker 2: so I wasn't even able to cry. I had no emotion.

812
00:42:11,480 --> 00:42:15,640
Speaker 2: I was just really confused and I wasn't sure how

813
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 2: to process it. And as soon as I'd found out,

814
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 2: I just kind of felt like, this can't be real.

815
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:21,839
Speaker 3: This isn't real.

816
00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:23,719
Speaker 2: I'm in a dream and it's you know, it's a

817
00:42:23,800 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 2: very typical line to say, but really you sit down

818
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,160
Speaker 2: and you just don't feel like it's real life, because

819
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 2: five minutes ago I was waiting for him to call

820
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,000
Speaker 2: me before he goes to work, and now I'm finding

821
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 2: out that he's had another girlfriend and he's setting up

822
00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:41,759
Speaker 2: a life with someone else. When I feel like understanding

823
00:42:41,960 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 2: in that moment, there was no like the emotional side

824
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 2: of it was completely cut. It was just this like

825
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 2: numbness and I don't know what to do and what

826
00:42:51,680 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 2: do I do next.

827
00:42:52,680 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 1: Olivia felt the same.

828
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:57,360
Speaker 4: Initially, I didn't have, yeah, the feelings of sadness. I

829
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 4: just had the feelings of warning to understand it, because

830
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:04,480
Speaker 4: because it's your mind can't comprehend something that is so unfathomable,

831
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:07,959
Speaker 4: like surely this only happens in movies. So I spoke

832
00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:10,120
Speaker 4: to her on the way to work and we started

833
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,480
Speaker 4: kind of surface level, getting to the bottom of a

834
00:43:13,520 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 4: few things, and then we said, you know, let's meet

835
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:20,120
Speaker 4: up for coffee the next day after I'd had a sleep,

836
00:43:20,440 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 4: and we went through pretty much the last two years

837
00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:25,840
Speaker 4: of our lives.

838
00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:28,960
Speaker 2: We both just gave each other all the truth that

839
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:32,879
Speaker 2: we needed to hear. I found out there was also

840
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,239
Speaker 2: another woman as well, so he did wasn't just with

841
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:40,640
Speaker 2: one partner for the last two years. I actually found

842
00:43:40,680 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 2: out that the reason why we've broken up in the

843
00:43:43,640 --> 00:43:46,120
Speaker 2: end of twenty twenty one was because he cheated on

844
00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 2: me with another woman from work named Amy, who he

845
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 2: had been on and off scene between the end of

846
00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,160
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one between twenty twenty two.

847
00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:58,879
Speaker 3: There was quite an overlap of three girls in that year.

848
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 2: Few weeks before, Josh comes over to my house and says,

849
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:06,239
Speaker 2: I'm so sick of my mates, you know, they just

850
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:08,360
Speaker 2: He kind of painted this picture that he's had a

851
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,000
Speaker 2: really big falling out with his friends and the wedding

852
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 2: we were planning to go to this wedding in a

853
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 2: few weeks that was going to be our first wedding

854
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 2: of his friends. He told me, oh, I don't want

855
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 2: to go anymore because I'm just so sick of my mates.

856
00:44:20,600 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 2: They just can't make their minds up about something. I

857
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:25,200
Speaker 2: feel like they're just not the right people around me.

858
00:44:26,000 --> 00:44:28,240
Speaker 2: He always kind of explained to me that his friends

859
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,600
Speaker 2: were never really good people, just never showed up.

860
00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,759
Speaker 3: They didn't have very good values. So he painted that

861
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:35,359
Speaker 3: to me at the.

862
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 2: Time, and he made me believe that he had a

863
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:42,160
Speaker 2: falling out with the groom of the wedding that was coming.

864
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:45,400
Speaker 3: Up in the next two weeks, so he had a

865
00:44:45,520 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 3: shift that day.

866
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:49,360
Speaker 2: Of the wedding, And leading up to that, I was like,

867
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 2: are you sure, like you're not going to go to

868
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 2: the wedding because he has no like I don't care

869
00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 2: about this guy.

870
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,200
Speaker 3: I just you know, I don't want to go to

871
00:44:55,280 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 3: the wedding.

872
00:44:55,640 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 2: We're not talking at the moment. So in my head

873
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:01,640
Speaker 2: thought he was going to work that day.

874
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:04,279
Speaker 3: And the thing is he actually was.

875
00:45:04,239 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 2: At mine the night before and we packed his lunch.

876
00:45:09,840 --> 00:45:12,440
Speaker 3: And his uniform was all laid out for work.

877
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,359
Speaker 2: The next day, and he set the alarm for four

878
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:19,640
Speaker 2: point thirty five in the morning and got up, got ready,

879
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:24,640
Speaker 2: literally said goodbye, Emily, I'm going to work, and I'm

880
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:26,360
Speaker 2: my gosh, like, you know, it sucks you're going to

881
00:45:26,360 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 2: work today. You know, have a great day. He's like, yeah, like,

882
00:45:29,960 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 2: you know, it doesn't matter.

883
00:45:31,160 --> 00:45:33,240
Speaker 3: You know, I don't really want to go to this wedding.

884
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:38,799
Speaker 2: The man literally left my house in uniform only to

885
00:45:38,840 --> 00:45:42,200
Speaker 2: probably get change in the cart and drive home and

886
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 2: get ready to go to the wedding with Olivia, and

887
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 2: that was not the first time he'd left mine and

888
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,760
Speaker 2: put his uniform on and pretended to go to work.

889
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:55,040
Speaker 2: That was a massive theme that we figured out when

890
00:45:55,080 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 2: we'd met up with each other, and that's why I

891
00:45:56,960 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 2: learned that he'd made fake rosters and sent them to me.

892
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 2: Throughout the last fewyears of our relationships, I'd never actually

893
00:46:02,040 --> 00:46:05,440
Speaker 2: seen a real roster of their work until I'd met Olivia.

894
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 4: Obviously, because we worked together, he couldn't lie to me

895
00:46:08,440 --> 00:46:11,319
Speaker 4: as much about his day to day life, so I

896
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:15,040
Speaker 4: think I was probably lied to less. I knew more

897
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:16,920
Speaker 4: about his day to day life. I knew more about

898
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:19,759
Speaker 4: his work, I knew more about his friends. And I

899
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:21,799
Speaker 4: had said to you, like, what did you think he

900
00:46:21,880 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 4: was doing on his Birthday?

901
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 3: Christmas? New Year? All those times I thought he was.

902
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:29,800
Speaker 4: At Valentine's Day, Just little things, but it was easy

903
00:46:29,880 --> 00:46:32,560
Speaker 4: to use big dates for us to because obviously there

904
00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:34,880
Speaker 4: was a lot over the last two years, but it

905
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:38,000
Speaker 4: was easier to use big dates. So for Christmas, that

906
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:39,920
Speaker 4: was the first time he met my family. Actually he

907
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:43,080
Speaker 4: went to Queensland for my family, so he had told

908
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:45,919
Speaker 4: Emily that he was at work, and I said to her,

909
00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 4: how much do you think he works? Like, can you

910
00:46:48,680 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 4: send me what roster you think he has? And Emily

911
00:46:52,480 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 4: sent me a roster. I was like, no, that's not

912
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:57,920
Speaker 4: our roster. And obviously, if you're not in a certain

913
00:46:57,920 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 4: profession that does shift work, you're not going to know

914
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:00,760
Speaker 4: roster pattern.

915
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 3: You're not going to know.

916
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:05,000
Speaker 2: And you trust and you believe your partner, right when

917
00:47:05,000 --> 00:47:07,319
Speaker 2: they're telling you they're going to work, you think they're

918
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,279
Speaker 2: going to work. He told me over Christmas when he

919
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,239
Speaker 2: obviously was with Olivia, because I'm in health as well,

920
00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:15,279
Speaker 2: work with the public holidays because I'll be working the

921
00:47:15,320 --> 00:47:17,800
Speaker 2: public holidays, work on New Years because I'll be working

922
00:47:17,840 --> 00:47:22,160
Speaker 2: New Year's And I did work because I actually went

923
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,799
Speaker 2: to work thinking my partner was at work. Because they

924
00:47:24,840 --> 00:47:26,640
Speaker 2: would message me and call me and pretend to me

925
00:47:26,719 --> 00:47:28,959
Speaker 2: like I've just taken five minutes. How you're going, how's

926
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 2: your day? You know, it wasn't like I didn't believe him.

927
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:33,319
Speaker 2: And I would get photos sent to me as well,

928
00:47:33,560 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 2: so there were pre made photos as well of him

929
00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 2: at work, so that I would believe that he's at work.

930
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:46,080
Speaker 2: And I've now found out all those times that it

931
00:47:46,120 --> 00:47:47,520
Speaker 2: was just a complete lie.

932
00:47:47,680 --> 00:47:50,160
Speaker 4: His birthday was in April, so that was only literally

933
00:47:50,200 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 4: a couple of weeks before everything happens. He had told

934
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:56,040
Speaker 4: Emily that he was working on the day and we

935
00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,520
Speaker 4: had like a big brewery Barkraur with a bunch of

936
00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:01,920
Speaker 4: his friends and work, and obviously I went to that

937
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,240
Speaker 4: and he told Emily that he was working. But then

938
00:48:05,360 --> 00:48:07,840
Speaker 4: I said, oh, like, what did you do for his birthday?

939
00:48:07,840 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 3: From you?

940
00:48:08,920 --> 00:48:12,560
Speaker 4: Emily had taken Josh out on a picnic the next

941
00:48:12,640 --> 00:48:15,760
Speaker 4: day and bought him like all this like beautiful food

942
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 4: and wine and things like that. And I went over

943
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 4: there a couple of days later and I said, why

944
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 4: do you have all this like gourmet food in your

945
00:48:24,680 --> 00:48:27,719
Speaker 4: fridge And he'd said, oh, it's all from eld you know,

946
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:29,839
Speaker 4: I just I just got it all, like you know,

947
00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:32,759
Speaker 4: I'd like to snack on it. And Emily's like, that

948
00:48:32,960 --> 00:48:34,320
Speaker 4: was from a gourmet.

949
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:37,560
Speaker 2: Roser for his birthday, mind you, because I had to

950
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 2: take him out for his birthday the day after because

951
00:48:40,719 --> 00:48:43,239
Speaker 2: I thought he was working on his birthday. So when

952
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:45,640
Speaker 2: we went to Europe, when I'd met up with Oliviage,

953
00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 2: I asked her, so, what did you believe when he

954
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:49,560
Speaker 2: was in Europe for six weeks last year that he

955
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 2: was with a friend and she goes, yeah, you thought

956
00:48:52,120 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 2: he was with one of his mates that he was

957
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:57,880
Speaker 2: traveling with overseas. What we'd figured out was that he

958
00:48:58,160 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 2: lied to me about who he was on the phone too,

959
00:49:01,160 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 2: so he would tell me that, oh, my mom's calling me,

960
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 2: or my sister's calling me. I'll be five minutes, I'll

961
00:49:06,560 --> 00:49:09,160
Speaker 2: be ten minutes. I remember this morning distinctly, when the

962
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,239
Speaker 2: Amatha Coast and he goes for a well, he's like,

963
00:49:11,239 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 2: I'm just going to go for.

964
00:49:12,000 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 3: A morning walk. It's early six in the morning, really early.

965
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:16,799
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh gosh, that's that's very early to get

966
00:49:16,880 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 3: up when we're on holiday. And it had been like

967
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:21,319
Speaker 3: two hours, and I go, where are you?

968
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 2: Like I was messaging him, and he's like, oh, so sorry,

969
00:49:24,200 --> 00:49:25,959
Speaker 2: I got really caught up on the phone with my mom.

970
00:49:25,960 --> 00:49:28,640
Speaker 3: I promise I'll be here soon. But it was all lies.

971
00:49:28,719 --> 00:49:30,799
Speaker 2: All these times that he was maybe left for like

972
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,319
Speaker 2: an hour or half an hour, or he'd go to

973
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,359
Speaker 2: the bathroom and pretend to be in the bathroom and

974
00:49:36,560 --> 00:49:39,319
Speaker 2: gone for half an hour. He'd be calling Olivia and

975
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:40,600
Speaker 2: expressing his love for her.

976
00:49:41,040 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 4: We also realized that he was regifting. So obviously Emily's

977
00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,480
Speaker 4: parents used to buy him a lot of groceries, buy

978
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 4: him a lot of staff, pay for a lot of stuff.

979
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:53,560
Speaker 4: It was pretty much like the Tinder swindler, yeah, situation

980
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:56,520
Speaker 4: where you were paying for him and then he was

981
00:49:56,520 --> 00:49:58,799
Speaker 4: paying for me. So he would come and say, you know,

982
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 4: I bought this beautiful bottle of wine or I made

983
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,279
Speaker 4: you this food. But it was always we realized it

984
00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:08,800
Speaker 4: was always from Emily's parents' house, and he would say,

985
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:11,640
Speaker 4: you know, I've bought this beautiful bottle of wine for us,

986
00:50:11,719 --> 00:50:14,719
Speaker 4: but it was really something that he'd made Emily pay for.

987
00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:17,359
Speaker 4: One of the worst things I think was when we

988
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:21,280
Speaker 4: were going through what his house looked like. I said,

989
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 4: what about his phone background? What about our pictures next

990
00:50:24,320 --> 00:50:26,400
Speaker 4: to our bed? You know, what about all my stuff

991
00:50:26,440 --> 00:50:28,960
Speaker 4: that I left there? What about my bikinis that I

992
00:50:29,040 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 4: left in the shower. And he would go around the

993
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:35,520
Speaker 4: house and put all of our stuff in these plastic

994
00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:38,239
Speaker 4: bags and then take the other person stuff into the

995
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 4: garage when obviously the other girlfriend was over. He would

996
00:50:42,120 --> 00:50:44,799
Speaker 4: switch the photos next to his bed, he would change

997
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:48,240
Speaker 4: his wallpaper on his phone, like obviously.

998
00:50:47,920 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 3: The contact changes as well, the.

999
00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:53,160
Speaker 4: Contact changes on the phone, just to make sure. When

1000
00:50:53,200 --> 00:50:56,000
Speaker 4: we were going through what each other had left at

1001
00:50:56,000 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 4: his house, I said to Emily, what color was your

1002
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:03,200
Speaker 4: tooth brush? And she said mine was the pink right,

1003
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:07,719
Speaker 4: And I said, oh no, so we were using the

1004
00:51:07,800 --> 00:51:08,879
Speaker 4: same toothbrush.

1005
00:51:09,040 --> 00:51:13,720
Speaker 3: Yep, yep. That is the most like disgusting.

1006
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:15,640
Speaker 1: But there was more.

1007
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 2: He was vegetarian with Olivia and with me, complete meat eater.

1008
00:51:21,040 --> 00:51:23,279
Speaker 3: He ate everything with me. This guy ate.

1009
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:26,960
Speaker 2: Everything when I met Olivia and she explained to me that, oh,

1010
00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 2: he ate vegetarian with me.

1011
00:51:28,520 --> 00:51:30,040
Speaker 3: What do you mean he ate vegetarian with you?

1012
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 2: This guy would if we went to a restaurant, it

1013
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:35,000
Speaker 2: was oh, let's get the steak, babe, Well let's get

1014
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:37,239
Speaker 2: the chicken, or let's go.

1015
00:51:37,480 --> 00:51:38,960
Speaker 3: This guy is not vegetarian.

1016
00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 2: This guy changed every part of himself to please the

1017
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,880
Speaker 2: other person in the relationship, so to please Olivia, for example,

1018
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,400
Speaker 2: and didn't eat meat, which was just news to me

1019
00:51:52,440 --> 00:51:55,080
Speaker 2: that I think that is the most probably insane part

1020
00:51:55,120 --> 00:52:00,799
Speaker 2: of this whole person. This person is actually living and

1021
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:04,120
Speaker 2: leading a double life, and I had no idea.

1022
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 4: So when he met me in July twenty twenty two,

1023
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:10,040
Speaker 4: as I said, he was quite attentive. Initially, he spent

1024
00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:11,960
Speaker 4: a lot of time with me. He had a lot

1025
00:52:11,960 --> 00:52:14,080
Speaker 4: of time for me. We would go out on dates,

1026
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,480
Speaker 4: and it turns out you were in the hospital having

1027
00:52:17,520 --> 00:52:20,640
Speaker 4: surgery during that time, and then you were in rehab

1028
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 4: for a number of weeks. So that's obviously how he

1029
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 4: had so much time initially. And then the other time,

1030
00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,919
Speaker 4: how I said, we were really good after breaking up

1031
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:34,600
Speaker 4: September twenty twenty three to December twenty twenty three.

1032
00:52:33,800 --> 00:52:35,080
Speaker 3: We were together a lot.

1033
00:52:35,239 --> 00:52:37,759
Speaker 4: Like how I said, it was a very perfect relationship

1034
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:42,680
Speaker 4: during that time, and you were doing real placement in Victoria. Yeah,

1035
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 4: so obviously had a lot of time for me then.

1036
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:48,279
Speaker 4: And it made sense why there were so many ups

1037
00:52:48,320 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 4: and downs because we kind of figured out that if

1038
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,960
Speaker 4: one of us was having a really good time, the

1039
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:57,920
Speaker 4: other person was not having a good time because it's

1040
00:52:57,960 --> 00:53:01,000
Speaker 4: impossible to give someone one hundred percent of yourself, so

1041
00:53:01,520 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 4: he would just be giving more to somebody else and

1042
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:06,560
Speaker 4: less to the other, and then it would kind of switch,

1043
00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,960
Speaker 4: and when you had these feelings of you know, he's

1044
00:53:10,000 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 4: not giving enough to me, or he's being different. In

1045
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,279
Speaker 4: hindsight that it was completely accurate for us to be

1046
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:17,960
Speaker 4: feeling that way.

1047
00:53:18,800 --> 00:53:21,680
Speaker 1: I know what you're thinking, though, dear listener, How in

1048
00:53:21,719 --> 00:53:25,320
Speaker 1: this day and age can someone really lead a double life,

1049
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:26,839
Speaker 1: especially millennials.

1050
00:53:27,400 --> 00:53:30,480
Speaker 2: Social media so, like Olivia said, she didn't use it,

1051
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 2: so she was not active on it. But for me,

1052
00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:37,760
Speaker 2: so when I first had used so Instagram or whatever

1053
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,279
Speaker 2: we were using the first years of our relationship, I

1054
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:42,040
Speaker 2: was quite public and I used to post a lot

1055
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:45,440
Speaker 2: more as the last two years came across, he really

1056
00:53:45,480 --> 00:53:48,080
Speaker 2: became we should be more private about what you post,

1057
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:51,719
Speaker 2: maybe stop posting so much. He'd actually kind of made

1058
00:53:51,760 --> 00:53:54,000
Speaker 2: me believe I should really be a private person. So

1059
00:53:54,080 --> 00:53:58,480
Speaker 2: I stopped posting photos as often. I actually removed a

1060
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:01,160
Speaker 2: lot of the people that followed me. Came really private

1061
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:04,759
Speaker 2: in my life and in public, like we still were

1062
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:07,120
Speaker 2: tagged in photos. There was still stuff on his Instagram,

1063
00:54:07,160 --> 00:54:09,880
Speaker 2: but he actually didn't upload for years, and that was

1064
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,040
Speaker 2: just he said, I don't use it, I don't post.

1065
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:14,040
Speaker 3: I didn't need to do it.

1066
00:54:14,200 --> 00:54:16,200
Speaker 4: Well, I didn't use social media, so that was another

1067
00:54:16,239 --> 00:54:17,440
Speaker 4: way that he got away with it.

1068
00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 2: When you would delete yours, he would tell me I'm

1069
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 2: going to delete mine for a bit because I think

1070
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 2: I need a break because I feel like I use

1071
00:54:23,760 --> 00:54:25,640
Speaker 2: it too much. I'm like, whatever, effect, that's what you

1072
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 2: want to do, that's fine. I didn't actually think he'd

1073
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:30,799
Speaker 2: deleted because his other partner doesn't use it.

1074
00:54:31,080 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 4: And I think initially your first thought is, am I stupid?

1075
00:54:34,160 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 4: Am I an idiot? Did I miss out on all

1076
00:54:36,640 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 4: of the signs? But when you think about how convoluted

1077
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:44,400
Speaker 4: this was to keep up this parade for two years,

1078
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,680
Speaker 4: people like this are obviously very good at what they do,

1079
00:54:48,440 --> 00:54:51,600
Speaker 4: and I don't think he was obviously very good at lying.

1080
00:54:51,920 --> 00:54:54,239
Speaker 4: He always had a good answer, there was always a

1081
00:54:54,280 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 4: backstory to everything. He never slipped up, He never got

1082
00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 4: us confused, never any any moments where he made a mistake.

1083
00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:07,560
Speaker 4: So obviously, speaking to you, I thought, oh, well, Emily

1084
00:55:07,560 --> 00:55:10,920
Speaker 4: doesn't sound stupid, so I might not be stupid. But

1085
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 4: I just think you got to remember that this isn't normal.

1086
00:55:14,080 --> 00:55:18,480
Speaker 4: It's not normal behavior. That these people can lie and

1087
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:21,640
Speaker 4: they're rid of empathy or guilt, and that means that

1088
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,040
Speaker 4: you don't have the normal responses when.

1089
00:55:23,920 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 3: You are lying.

1090
00:55:24,560 --> 00:55:27,520
Speaker 4: If I'm sitting here lying, I feel bad about it,

1091
00:55:27,520 --> 00:55:30,560
Speaker 4: so I have like an emotional or physical reaction and

1092
00:55:30,600 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 4: you would think, oh, maybe she's lying because I'd be

1093
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 4: giving away signs, or as he never had that because

1094
00:55:36,360 --> 00:55:38,840
Speaker 4: he didn't feel the emotions that we feel.

1095
00:55:39,800 --> 00:55:42,640
Speaker 1: I probably don't need to point out that both girls

1096
00:55:42,640 --> 00:55:46,440
Speaker 1: broke up with Josh immediately, but for Emily at least

1097
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:49,560
Speaker 1: this had been her partner of seven years. She couldn't

1098
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:51,479
Speaker 1: hear all of this from a girl she'd never even

1099
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: heard of before without trying to get some answers from

1100
00:55:54,760 --> 00:55:55,680
Speaker 1: the man she'd loved.

1101
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: My last conversations with him, it was hours long. We

1102
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:02,400
Speaker 2: were on the phone and I just wanted him to

1103
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:03,600
Speaker 2: come clean it by everything.

1104
00:56:03,680 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 3: So I basically just.

1105
00:56:05,000 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 2: Confronted him and said, Hey, what did you do on

1106
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 2: this weekend? What about when we went to South Australia?

1107
00:56:10,239 --> 00:56:12,279
Speaker 3: What did you do? What did you say? I said?

1108
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:14,319
Speaker 2: He said it went with friends. So it was just

1109
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:17,520
Speaker 2: continue lies and I just said my main thoughts. I

1110
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 2: was emotional on that phone call, and I remember being

1111
00:56:19,680 --> 00:56:22,359
Speaker 2: just like, how dare you? How dare you do this

1112
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 2: to me? How could you have lied to me? I

1113
00:56:24,760 --> 00:56:27,120
Speaker 2: don't care if it was one years, two years, whatever

1114
00:56:27,160 --> 00:56:30,840
Speaker 2: it was, to have done what you've done to your partner,

1115
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:32,680
Speaker 2: the person that you meant to love. And I remember

1116
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,040
Speaker 2: saying to him, and like, you can't love two people

1117
00:56:35,120 --> 00:56:37,560
Speaker 2: at once, you can't be in love with two people.

1118
00:56:38,080 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 2: This is why you never gave me one hundred percent,

1119
00:56:40,600 --> 00:56:42,560
Speaker 2: and this is why I had doubts. And I actually,

1120
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 2: I really was quite firm with my wording with him,

1121
00:56:46,280 --> 00:56:49,800
Speaker 2: and I said, now every single thing makes sense because

1122
00:56:49,840 --> 00:56:53,839
Speaker 2: you have been in multiple relationships. And he still tried

1123
00:56:53,880 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 2: to deny the other girl amy, but I said, what

1124
00:56:58,320 --> 00:57:02,320
Speaker 2: you've done you can't take. I will never ever speak

1125
00:57:02,360 --> 00:57:05,160
Speaker 2: to you again. All I asked, I said, is that

1126
00:57:05,200 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 2: you never contact me. And I go, this will be

1127
00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:11,239
Speaker 2: the last time you ever hear my voice. I don't

1128
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,920
Speaker 2: need to hear anything else from you, and I hung up.

1129
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:19,600
Speaker 2: I blocked him from every form of social media, every contact,

1130
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:23,880
Speaker 2: and I think that was the pivotal point of moving on,

1131
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:29,000
Speaker 2: is having zero contact with that person. My feelings of

1132
00:57:29,080 --> 00:57:33,000
Speaker 2: disgust were so overaught with my emotion at the time

1133
00:57:33,040 --> 00:57:35,240
Speaker 2: that I couldn't even be sad about it. I was

1134
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:39,360
Speaker 2: just so disgusted and betrayed that I just I didn't

1135
00:57:39,400 --> 00:57:42,880
Speaker 2: want to hear a sorry from him anymore. His sorry

1136
00:57:42,960 --> 00:57:45,960
Speaker 2: was pathetic to me. His sorry was almost like he

1137
00:57:46,000 --> 00:57:48,840
Speaker 2: didn't mean it. He's almost sounded like when I spoke

1138
00:57:48,880 --> 00:57:53,280
Speaker 2: to him that he was emotionless. He just felt like

1139
00:57:53,400 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 2: he'd been caught. And I just said, okay, well I'm done,

1140
00:57:57,400 --> 00:58:00,640
Speaker 2: and like I said, after everything was blocked, that was it.

1141
00:58:00,680 --> 00:58:02,320
Speaker 2: That was my last conversation with him.

1142
00:58:02,640 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 1: Of course, it wasn't easy. It was really hard and

1143
00:58:06,120 --> 00:58:10,600
Speaker 1: really really heartbreaking. But in being by herself and out

1144
00:58:10,640 --> 00:58:14,440
Speaker 1: of what was an incredibly toxic relationship, Emily's found a

1145
00:58:14,440 --> 00:58:17,800
Speaker 1: new version of herself, the real one that she actually

1146
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 1: likes so much more.

1147
00:58:20,960 --> 00:58:23,840
Speaker 2: I no longer have full lease insecurities and doubts about

1148
00:58:23,880 --> 00:58:27,240
Speaker 2: a person. I feel like I'm more secure with myself

1149
00:58:27,320 --> 00:58:30,840
Speaker 2: because I was with someone who, like I told you earlier,

1150
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:33,600
Speaker 2: when I felt like I was never good enough, like

1151
00:58:33,640 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 2: I wasn't questioning enough. I would give another example of

1152
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,920
Speaker 2: where he'd put a lot of pressure on my degree,

1153
00:58:38,960 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 2: like you need to make sure you pass, like I'm

1154
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:42,840
Speaker 2: doing a medical degree. You need to make sure you

1155
00:58:42,880 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 2: pass your exams because we can't move on with our

1156
00:58:45,120 --> 00:58:47,200
Speaker 2: life unless you pass his exams.

1157
00:58:46,800 --> 00:58:47,760
Speaker 3: In the next few months.

1158
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 2: Like I can't wait around for you and you know

1159
00:58:50,360 --> 00:58:52,200
Speaker 2: you're not waiting around for me like this, this is

1160
00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 2: my career, it's not just about you, And now I

1161
00:58:54,320 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 2: feel like, well, fuck you. I fucking passed my exams

1162
00:58:57,600 --> 00:58:59,520
Speaker 2: and now I know when I'm going to finish and

1163
00:58:59,560 --> 00:59:02,040
Speaker 2: how much I'm going to excel my life without you.

1164
00:59:02,520 --> 00:59:05,320
Speaker 2: He always painted this picture that he was supporting me

1165
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,800
Speaker 2: so much this journey and he'd done everything for me

1166
00:59:08,880 --> 00:59:10,360
Speaker 2: to get to where I am. Now I'm like, no,

1167
00:59:10,960 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 2: everything saw myself and I didn't realize that until coming

1168
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:16,400
Speaker 2: out of relationship, Like how hard I've worked, how much

1169
00:59:16,400 --> 00:59:19,480
Speaker 2: I've studied person I am today, I've just realized like

1170
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:22,480
Speaker 2: being my best version of myself, being on my own,

1171
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm happier, Like I've learned so much

1172
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 2: from how I was treated. And staying with someone for

1173
00:59:28,760 --> 00:59:30,640
Speaker 2: the sake of saying someone because you love them, it's

1174
00:59:30,680 --> 00:59:33,440
Speaker 2: just not it's not a real reason, and no relationship

1175
00:59:33,440 --> 00:59:36,160
Speaker 2: should have these highs and lows, Like I've literally come

1176
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:39,080
Speaker 2: out of that and being like I can do so

1177
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:41,560
Speaker 2: much better. I'm going to get someone at my level

1178
00:59:41,640 --> 00:59:44,800
Speaker 2: and I deserve the world because what I went through

1179
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:45,840
Speaker 2: is so not normal.

1180
00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 3: It's not fair. But I don't sit there and pity myself.

1181
00:59:49,320 --> 00:59:51,160
Speaker 2: I'm glad I've got it out of it, had that

1182
00:59:51,200 --> 00:59:53,440
Speaker 2: experience because I can only be a better version of

1183
00:59:53,440 --> 00:59:56,840
Speaker 2: myself and hopefully teach other people to look out for

1184
00:59:56,880 --> 00:59:59,360
Speaker 2: these things and not settle for less and put yourself

1185
00:59:59,400 --> 01:00:01,840
Speaker 2: first in your relationationship, because that will be my next

1186
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:04,800
Speaker 2: goal for my next relationship, that I am an equal

1187
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:05,480
Speaker 2: to that person.

1188
01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 3: That's why I feel like I'm my best version of

1189
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:09,080
Speaker 3: myself now.

1190
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:12,040
Speaker 1: On top of that, they've both come out of this

1191
01:00:12,200 --> 01:00:16,280
Speaker 1: awful situation with something they really never expected.

1192
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:22,480
Speaker 2: I've also formed the most incredible relationship with Olivia. That

1193
01:00:22,840 --> 01:00:25,160
Speaker 2: is I think is the best thing to have ever

1194
01:00:25,200 --> 01:00:25,800
Speaker 2: come out of this.

1195
01:00:26,200 --> 01:00:29,600
Speaker 4: Obviously there's been a lot of lessons that have come

1196
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:33,120
Speaker 4: out from it, but I think go one of the

1197
01:00:33,240 --> 01:00:35,760
Speaker 4: days where I wouldn't have believed you. I think when

1198
01:00:35,760 --> 01:00:39,919
Speaker 4: you're young, particularly maybe high school, there's always this tool

1199
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 4: poppy syndrome situation happening with females. I think you're taught

1200
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,000
Speaker 4: that the other female is the one to blame or

1201
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 4: the other female is crazy.

1202
01:00:49,560 --> 01:00:50,440
Speaker 3: The way that he.

1203
01:00:50,320 --> 01:00:52,560
Speaker 4: Tried to make it out on that night, but there

1204
01:00:52,600 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 4: wasn't a second that I didn't believe her. And I

1205
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:58,720
Speaker 4: just think we have just come so far as females

1206
01:00:59,000 --> 01:01:02,440
Speaker 4: that we are willing to be united and we're willing

1207
01:01:02,480 --> 01:01:06,240
Speaker 4: to be friends and some other female success doesn't mean

1208
01:01:06,280 --> 01:01:08,960
Speaker 4: that you're going to be less, and I think that

1209
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,960
Speaker 4: was definitely a way of the past. And I think

1210
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:16,120
Speaker 4: we've just come so far, and we've just come out

1211
01:01:16,160 --> 01:01:19,520
Speaker 4: of this situation and we just want the best for

1212
01:01:19,560 --> 01:01:22,160
Speaker 4: each other. I just want her to do so well

1213
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:25,880
Speaker 4: and we can talk openly about the situation, and we

1214
01:01:25,920 --> 01:01:29,040
Speaker 4: can talk openly about our goals and just say one

1215
01:01:29,080 --> 01:01:31,920
Speaker 4: of us is having a bad day, because healing obviously

1216
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,800
Speaker 4: is not linear. I think we're doing so well, but

1217
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:39,160
Speaker 4: obviously some days there's still repercusions from going through a

1218
01:01:39,240 --> 01:01:42,000
Speaker 4: situation like that where you might just not be feeling

1219
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,840
Speaker 4: your best self. But I know that I can message her,

1220
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:48,960
Speaker 4: voice note her, call her, and just have this platform

1221
01:01:49,000 --> 01:01:52,280
Speaker 4: where I'm not judged, and I always walk away from

1222
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:55,200
Speaker 4: the conversation feeling so much better, and then we can

1223
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,640
Speaker 4: just move on with our day, move on with our lives, and.

1224
01:01:58,880 --> 01:02:00,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's great. Yeah, I agree.

1225
01:02:03,760 --> 01:02:06,360
Speaker 4: It was really hard not to have a victim mentality.

1226
01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,600
Speaker 4: It was really hard not to sit there and think,

1227
01:02:08,640 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 4: why did this happen to me?

1228
01:02:10,040 --> 01:02:12,360
Speaker 3: Why did I have to be the person that he chose?

1229
01:02:12,440 --> 01:02:15,080
Speaker 4: Why me? But there's good to come out of every

1230
01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 4: single situation, So it's only going to be a waste

1231
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 4: if we don't learn those lessons. Obviously we have each other,

1232
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:24,919
Speaker 4: but going into our next relationship will be so much

1233
01:02:24,920 --> 01:02:27,520
Speaker 4: better for it, and we'll have learned all the hard lessons.

1234
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:31,040
Speaker 4: And I genuinely believe that we will stand there one

1235
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 4: day marrying the loves of our lives and we'll be

1236
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,400
Speaker 4: so happy that everything happened the way that it did.

1237
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:38,480
Speaker 4: I think it's just hard to see it at the time,

1238
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:41,640
Speaker 4: but now in hindsight, I wouldn't change it. I know

1239
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:44,680
Speaker 4: that it was a terrible situation and I wouldn't wish

1240
01:02:44,720 --> 01:02:47,520
Speaker 4: it upon anyone. But I'm sitting here now, I've got

1241
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:49,840
Speaker 4: this opportunity to do a podcast. I have you as

1242
01:02:49,840 --> 01:02:53,560
Speaker 4: my friend, and yeah, I think there's only good things

1243
01:02:53,560 --> 01:02:55,000
Speaker 4: to come from now on.

1244
01:02:55,440 --> 01:02:57,680
Speaker 3: The one thing he did well was picked two girls.

1245
01:02:57,400 --> 01:03:01,320
Speaker 2: That are very alike and very intelligent, very beautiful people

1246
01:03:01,400 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: inside and out. So you know, I feel very blessed

1247
01:03:04,560 --> 01:03:08,040
Speaker 2: to have her around me and to grow with her

1248
01:03:08,160 --> 01:03:10,080
Speaker 2: in the next part of my life and just be

1249
01:03:10,280 --> 01:03:13,840
Speaker 2: someone around me forever, because he really did pick well

1250
01:03:13,920 --> 01:03:15,360
Speaker 2: with who we are.

1251
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 3: Run the real love story.

1252
01:03:22,480 --> 01:03:25,240
Speaker 1: Everyone Has an X is a Minti Media production and

1253
01:03:25,320 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 1: proudly part of the Muma Mea network. Is written and

1254
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:32,000
Speaker 1: narrated by me Georgia Love and produced by Linda Scott.

1255
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:34,400
Speaker 1: If you have a story you'd like to share, email

1256
01:03:34,520 --> 01:03:38,320
Speaker 1: podcast at momamea dot com dot au. You can support

1257
01:03:38,400 --> 01:03:40,800
Speaker 1: us by following the show in your favorite podcast app

1258
01:03:40,960 --> 01:03:43,560
Speaker 1: and leaving a five star review. We'll see you for

1259
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:51,240
Speaker 1: the next episode.