WEBVTT - Birth And The First Six Weeks 0:00:11.149 --> 0:00:15.989 You're listening to a mother Mia podcast. Mama Maya acknowledges 0:00:16.069 --> 0:00:19.229 the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast 0:00:19.309 --> 0:00:20.349 is recorded. 0:00:19.909 --> 0:00:24.029 On Hello Hello Bump listeners, it's Grace here. So many 0:00:24.069 --> 0:00:26.749 of you have been following my journey through pregnancy on 0:00:26.869 --> 0:00:30.149 Hello Bump, and honestly, your support has my lot. The 0:00:30.229 --> 0:00:33.589 dms that I've received, people asking for the questions about 0:00:33.629 --> 0:00:37.069 pelvic floor physios or reaching out to hear my birth story, 0:00:37.669 --> 0:00:39.509 You've been through all the ups and downs with me, 0:00:39.669 --> 0:00:42.189 and the excitement and the nerves and basically everything. I've 0:00:42.189 --> 0:00:44.509 shared everything of my journey along the way, So thank 0:00:44.509 --> 0:00:49.269 you for listening, ah, and now I'm very excited to 0:00:49.309 --> 0:00:52.469 share with you the next chapter. I recently sat down 0:00:52.509 --> 0:00:56.109 with Kelly McCarran and Key re Searls on their podcast Eat, Sleep, 0:00:56.149 --> 0:00:59.469 Repeat to share my birth story and what it's been 0:00:59.549 --> 0:01:02.549 like becoming a parent and talking about the very intense 0:01:02.629 --> 0:01:06.549 first six weeks of parenthood. So if you've been wondering 0:01:06.549 --> 0:01:09.989 what happened after all those Hello Bump episodes, this is 0:01:10.109 --> 0:01:12.869 where you'll find out. And I hope you enjoyed the episode. 0:01:12.869 --> 0:01:16.229 And I'm recording this with my daughter Nora strapped to 0:01:16.349 --> 0:01:19.549 my chest and you can probably hear some of her breathing. 0:01:20.269 --> 0:01:24.149 I hope you enjoy the episode. 0:01:26.229 --> 0:01:29.309 So our guest today is a very special former colleague 0:01:29.429 --> 0:01:32.029 turned friend of mine, Grace and also Kelly's. 0:01:32.029 --> 0:01:34.789 But I tell myself, well, yet I'm working on it. 0:01:35.109 --> 0:01:36.949 She's working on her becoming my real life friend. 0:01:37.069 --> 0:01:40.509 Honestly, everyone needs Grace in their life. Grace is an actor, 0:01:40.829 --> 0:01:43.469 like a real one, and a very good one at that. 0:01:43.589 --> 0:01:44.189 It's so good. 0:01:44.189 --> 0:01:45.629 She was in Colin from Accounts. 0:01:45.709 --> 0:01:47.709 Yeah, I love that showy, it's such a good show. 0:01:47.989 --> 0:01:50.269 She's also a writer and a producer. She's also a 0:01:50.309 --> 0:01:54.549 podcast host and an audio producer, a celebrant, she actually 0:01:54.549 --> 0:01:56.029 married me and Charlie. 0:01:56.069 --> 0:01:57.869 She's a real jack of all trades. I call myself 0:01:57.869 --> 0:01:59.789 a jack of all trades, master of none. She's a 0:01:59.829 --> 0:02:02.109 jack of all trades, master of everything, master. 0:02:01.909 --> 0:02:06.149 Of everything, and she's also mastering being a brand new 0:02:06.149 --> 0:02:09.789 first time mum to baby Nora. So Grace just has 0:02:09.789 --> 0:02:12.869 something her. She's an old soul with there's quiet, calm 0:02:12.949 --> 0:02:15.909 and coolness about her. I was immediately drawn to her 0:02:15.909 --> 0:02:19.509 when we first met. She's sunshine in human form, and 0:02:19.589 --> 0:02:22.149 I was so happy to learn that she was pregnant, 0:02:22.549 --> 0:02:25.669 but her pregnancy wasn't all smooth sailing. More on that later. 0:02:26.269 --> 0:02:29.469 And today we're speaking to her at six weeks postpartum. 0:02:29.829 --> 0:02:32.989 She's in that blissful baby bubble meets what the actual 0:02:32.989 --> 0:02:35.749 fuck trenches and I just know that she's going to 0:02:35.789 --> 0:02:39.189 share so beautifully about her time so far as a 0:02:39.229 --> 0:02:44.549 new mum. Welcome Grace six weeks in. How are you, Grace. 0:02:44.989 --> 0:02:47.749 The answer to that question changes hour by hour, which yeah, 0:02:47.749 --> 0:02:50.789 I'm sure you all know. I kind of do it 0:02:50.829 --> 0:02:52.109 as like is it a good day or is it 0:02:52.149 --> 0:02:55.389 a bad day, even though again the answer changes within that, 0:02:55.429 --> 0:02:57.149 but today's a good day. You know, we went out 0:02:57.189 --> 0:02:59.069 of the house. Her weight has gone up, which were 0:02:59.149 --> 0:03:01.629 stoked about. Yes, I think I'm doing like a hybrid 0:03:01.709 --> 0:03:03.189 version of my life, which is like a little bit 0:03:03.189 --> 0:03:05.349 of work and then like with a child strap to me. 0:03:05.429 --> 0:03:06.989 So that feels nice. 0:03:07.749 --> 0:03:10.829 Yeah, it's funny, isn't it, How just like little pieces 0:03:10.829 --> 0:03:13.469 of you that you get to still tap into, how 0:03:13.509 --> 0:03:15.309 much they can make a difference, even though like. 0:03:15.269 --> 0:03:17.589 The thought of quote unquote work. 0:03:17.749 --> 0:03:20.109 With a new baby seems overwhelming, but just like little 0:03:20.269 --> 0:03:24.189 tappens here and there, I think really just remind you like, Okay, 0:03:24.309 --> 0:03:27.909 I'm still me, even though I'm completely for someone else 0:03:27.949 --> 0:03:29.509 at the moment, one hundred percent. 0:03:29.549 --> 0:03:31.589 And I always knew that's what I was going to need, 0:03:31.989 --> 0:03:35.269 and I just wasn't sure when I would be able 0:03:35.309 --> 0:03:38.629 to even start experimenting without thirty minutes or that one hour. 0:03:39.069 --> 0:03:40.629 And I think there was probably like four and a 0:03:40.669 --> 0:03:43.069 half weeks and went ooh, I've got like half an hour. 0:03:43.149 --> 0:03:44.749 Do I just like quickly try and write something? 0:03:45.229 --> 0:03:46.229 Yeah? 0:03:46.269 --> 0:03:49.309 Whatever. But I've been able to incorporate inside the house 0:03:49.429 --> 0:03:52.709 grace activities, but haven't found time to like go back 0:03:52.709 --> 0:03:54.789 to the gym or any I mean, I'm not six weeks, 0:03:54.829 --> 0:03:56.589 so I would love to be able to go. You know, 0:03:56.669 --> 0:03:58.389 I'm a spin lady as well, key, so I have 0:03:58.429 --> 0:03:59.469 to find time to do that. 0:04:00.069 --> 0:04:02.229 Oh Grace. I did my first spin the other day 0:04:02.389 --> 0:04:05.989 and it was glorious. I only have done it once, 0:04:06.229 --> 0:04:11.429 but I cried after because it was just so like, 0:04:11.549 --> 0:04:13.229 I haven't been able to do that for like a year. 0:04:13.549 --> 0:04:16.349 Yeah, because you were sick as well, like really sick. 0:04:16.629 --> 0:04:19.509 Yeah. So actually, on that note, you had a pretty 0:04:19.509 --> 0:04:20.309 shit pregnancy. 0:04:20.949 --> 0:04:24.229 I did. I did, like I was feeling nauseous when 0:04:24.229 --> 0:04:25.709 I took the test like a little bit, and I 0:04:25.749 --> 0:04:28.469 was like, you know, I think with the pregnancy nausea, 0:04:28.509 --> 0:04:30.949 you you sort of had this Hollywood idea of it 0:04:31.149 --> 0:04:33.669 of like this, Oh cute, I vomited in a bin 0:04:34.109 --> 0:04:36.989 and I'm going to take a test, and you don't realize, like, 0:04:37.469 --> 0:04:40.829 what nausea all day? They can't be fixed by like 0:04:40.909 --> 0:04:44.149 having another beer at four pm. What that actually feels 0:04:44.229 --> 0:04:46.229 like all day every day? So I found out it 0:04:46.309 --> 0:04:48.909 like five weeks obviously, as you do. And then the 0:04:48.989 --> 0:04:51.909 nausea like ramped up week six, and then I started 0:04:51.989 --> 0:04:55.509 vomiting from week seven and I was vomiting every day 0:04:55.509 --> 0:05:00.309 from week seven to week twenty four, and then it 0:05:00.389 --> 0:05:03.229 went to like three times a week, and I vomited 0:05:03.229 --> 0:05:04.829 like the day I gave birth as well, So it 0:05:05.029 --> 0:05:07.509 like went through the whole pregnancy. But the nausea, even 0:05:07.549 --> 0:05:10.229 though the vomiting got less than nausea, twenty four of 0:05:10.309 --> 0:05:12.389 nausea and never went away ever the whole time. 0:05:12.749 --> 0:05:15.669 Oh it's just awful. 0:05:15.709 --> 0:05:19.229 It's still sick for it actually like makes me a 0:05:19.229 --> 0:05:24.189 little bit teary because it just is so debilitating. You've 0:05:24.229 --> 0:05:26.229 just brought so much back I did not have it 0:05:26.269 --> 0:05:29.189 for the entirety of my pregnancy. You had about twelve 0:05:29.189 --> 0:05:32.989 weeks without the nausea, and people go, oh, yeah, but 0:05:33.029 --> 0:05:35.469 you get this beautiful baby at the end. It's true, 0:05:35.469 --> 0:05:41.629 but it's a very long time to be sick all day, 0:05:42.229 --> 0:05:45.429 every day. And when you're usually sick, like say you're 0:05:45.469 --> 0:05:50.109 hungover or you've got a stomach bug, you vomit and 0:05:50.149 --> 0:05:51.949 then you feel a little bit of relief, and you 0:05:51.989 --> 0:05:54.629 also know that there's an end in sight. But there's 0:05:54.749 --> 0:05:55.909 no end in sight. 0:05:56.429 --> 0:05:56.469 No. 0:05:56.629 --> 0:05:59.149 And I tried everything, and I think all of the 0:05:59.269 --> 0:06:02.909 suggestions out there, I tried like every iteration of ginger. 0:06:03.029 --> 0:06:04.749 I've tried to the point where I like, I just 0:06:04.789 --> 0:06:07.989 can't have ginger at all. I tried the medications. I 0:06:08.109 --> 0:06:11.549 tried different meals, like a different I tried like setting 0:06:11.549 --> 0:06:13.229 an alarm in the middle of the night, because my 0:06:13.269 --> 0:06:16.549 biggest trigger was in the morning. If I'd essentially fasted 0:06:16.549 --> 0:06:18.909 for too long, just sleeping, just living my life like 0:06:18.949 --> 0:06:22.269 a person, I would wake up and always vomit before breakfast. 0:06:22.469 --> 0:06:25.829 And I went to the GP because the medication wasn't 0:06:25.829 --> 0:06:27.749 really doing much. And the next level up of the 0:06:27.789 --> 0:06:30.989 medication was the I think it's called adanzitron. It's like 0:06:30.989 --> 0:06:34.029 the chemotherapy agent that helps you with nausea. And they 0:06:34.029 --> 0:06:35.709 wouldn't give it to me because it's what they give 0:06:35.749 --> 0:06:39.629 to people with hypermemesis. But because I didn't classify as hyperemesis, 0:06:39.709 --> 0:06:42.749 because I could hold down water and I wasn't vomiting 0:06:42.749 --> 0:06:45.749 more than three times in a day, I wasn't eligible 0:06:45.749 --> 0:06:47.909 for the medication. And I was like, okay, yeah, that 0:06:47.949 --> 0:06:50.949 makes sense. And then I did a podcast with Yanna Pittman, 0:06:51.029 --> 0:06:53.669 Hello Bump, and I told her, and she's an obstectrix 0:06:53.749 --> 0:06:56.069 register and she was horrified they didn't give it to me. 0:06:56.469 --> 0:06:58.269 When you hear people go oh, you should have been 0:06:58.309 --> 0:07:01.069 given that, or hey, that was actually really bad morning 0:07:01.109 --> 0:07:04.469 sickness that you had. That's not normal. That's the stuff 0:07:04.509 --> 0:07:07.509 that made me really emotional because you're battling that all 0:07:07.589 --> 0:07:09.749 day every day, you don't feel like the person that 0:07:09.789 --> 0:07:12.909 you are, and then someone like goes, oh, that's not pleasant, 0:07:12.909 --> 0:07:15.669 and you go, no, it wasn't, thank you, because I 0:07:15.709 --> 0:07:18.309 think with so many pregnancy symptoms, as you said, there 0:07:18.389 --> 0:07:20.669 is this like yes, but it's you know, for the baby, 0:07:20.669 --> 0:07:22.349 it's for the good of the baby. They're constantly trying 0:07:22.389 --> 0:07:24.989 to push this silver lining to you, and when you're 0:07:24.989 --> 0:07:27.029 the one dealing with it and living with it, it just 0:07:27.069 --> 0:07:28.829 feels like so lonely. 0:07:29.709 --> 0:07:33.669 I know that obviously this is, you know, the first pregnancy, 0:07:34.189 --> 0:07:37.549 but I know that with Suki, my pregnancy was really 0:07:37.549 --> 0:07:41.869 horrible and it definitely had an impact on I guess 0:07:41.869 --> 0:07:45.429 my connection with her to some degree. It's difficult and 0:07:45.469 --> 0:07:46.989 it might be hard for you to answer because you 0:07:47.029 --> 0:07:49.949 don't have a benchmark, but I was constantly comparing to 0:07:50.069 --> 0:07:53.069 Rue but I felt almost like this thing was happening 0:07:53.109 --> 0:07:56.869 to me, but I wasn't really conscious of it. In 0:07:56.869 --> 0:07:59.109 a lot of ways, I was because my body was 0:07:59.229 --> 0:08:01.789 kind of failing me, I felt in a way, but 0:08:02.189 --> 0:08:04.229 it was a weird kind of thing of not being 0:08:04.229 --> 0:08:07.589 able to fully connect to the process that was happening. 0:08:07.629 --> 0:08:10.429 Did you have anything like that with your pregnant. 0:08:10.869 --> 0:08:14.069 I more found myself apologizing to my partner because I 0:08:14.109 --> 0:08:18.509 felt like I'd taken away any joy from these kind 0:08:18.509 --> 0:08:20.869 of few months of you know, you go, oh, we're 0:08:20.869 --> 0:08:22.469 going to go to Wiskan and you do still have 0:08:22.589 --> 0:08:25.629 those moments for sure, but then you feel like a 0:08:25.709 --> 0:08:30.109 dark cloud of negativity. Yeah, misery and they're kind of 0:08:30.149 --> 0:08:33.029 your care Like I couldn't go into my kitchen without vomiting, 0:08:33.029 --> 0:08:35.869 I couldn't open the fridge. So it's those things where 0:08:36.389 --> 0:08:38.229 you feel like it's meant to be exciting, like let's 0:08:38.269 --> 0:08:41.149 go take bump pictures or yeah, I don't know, and 0:08:41.309 --> 0:08:42.749 like that's one of the reasons, like we found out 0:08:42.789 --> 0:08:44.349 the sex. I was probably always going to find out 0:08:44.349 --> 0:08:47.389 the sex early because I wanted to start endowing what 0:08:47.469 --> 0:08:50.149 was inside me with something like even just calling her 0:08:50.189 --> 0:08:52.069 like we called her hey, lady, and we still call 0:08:52.149 --> 0:08:54.309 her lady. Yeah, just little things like that that did 0:08:54.349 --> 0:08:56.949 help me try and connect to it a little bit, 0:08:56.949 --> 0:08:59.229 because Yeah, I think I said to Kelly one time 0:08:59.349 --> 0:09:01.389 at the office, I was like, I've hated every second 0:09:01.389 --> 0:09:01.589 of this. 0:09:02.189 --> 0:09:05.829 We don't like to admit things like that because then 0:09:05.909 --> 0:09:08.709 we've got people that like all of our love to them, 0:09:08.709 --> 0:09:12.229 but they've struggled so much even fall pregnant or they've 0:09:12.269 --> 0:09:14.789 had these things, so it's almost we feel like we 0:09:14.869 --> 0:09:17.789 can't say that. But two things can always be true 0:09:17.829 --> 0:09:21.109 at the same time, and it can be so miserable 0:09:21.309 --> 0:09:25.309 and isolating and lonely. And I don't know if you 0:09:25.429 --> 0:09:29.029 felt this, but I still feel a little bit of resentment. 0:09:29.149 --> 0:09:32.509 Not resentment, but like I see people that really thrive 0:09:32.589 --> 0:09:34.789 in their pregnancy, and I just think, oh, must be 0:09:34.829 --> 0:09:38.669 fucking nice. Like I was miserable and I didn't feel 0:09:38.669 --> 0:09:43.189 like myself and it's something that unfortunately, it doesn't come 0:09:43.229 --> 0:09:46.389 really naturally and beautifully to everyone. No. 0:09:46.469 --> 0:09:48.109 I kept being like, when am I going to look hot? 0:09:48.229 --> 0:09:48.309 Like? 0:09:48.349 --> 0:09:51.149 When am I going to glow? When's this glowing version 0:09:51.229 --> 0:09:53.869 of pregnant grace going to happen? Where you know my 0:09:53.909 --> 0:09:55.749 hair is? 0:09:54.309 --> 0:09:58.589 I thought that you looked really beautiful. 0:09:58.829 --> 0:10:01.349 Ah, thank you, thank you. I think I had a 0:10:01.389 --> 0:10:02.389 neat little bump. 0:10:03.389 --> 0:10:07.549 My hair just always looks so healthy. O, your skin's 0:10:07.589 --> 0:10:08.309 glowing to me. 0:10:08.629 --> 0:10:12.029 No, I got perry a dermatitis, and I was like, 0:10:12.149 --> 0:10:14.149 is that a pregnancy thing? It turns out like everything 0:10:14.189 --> 0:10:17.269 is a pregnancy thing. I lost parts of my eyebrow, 0:10:17.469 --> 0:10:19.229 Like I just got like a bald patch in there. 0:10:19.229 --> 0:10:21.149 I was like, oh what is that? That's pomones? 0:10:21.469 --> 0:10:22.069 Yeah? 0:10:22.349 --> 0:10:24.829 Yeah, how was your birth after all? 0:10:24.869 --> 0:10:25.029 That? 0:10:25.109 --> 0:10:28.109 Was it good? Like we like, oh sweet relief. 0:10:29.149 --> 0:10:33.709 Look, I had birth preferences, not plans preferences, and they 0:10:33.749 --> 0:10:36.709 were yeah, it's like I don't want to be induced, 0:10:36.749 --> 0:10:39.069 I don't want an epidural, and I don't want to 0:10:39.269 --> 0:10:42.189 Caesar at all. And those were all the three things 0:10:42.229 --> 0:10:43.909 that I got. So I ended up having to be 0:10:43.949 --> 0:10:47.389 induced because they did a CTG scan on me, a 0:10:47.469 --> 0:10:49.829 CTG monitoring on me one day when I because I 0:10:49.869 --> 0:10:51.309 just felt like movements were off, but it was just 0:10:51.309 --> 0:10:52.989 did a routine appointment. They said, well, why don't we 0:10:53.029 --> 0:10:54.789 just took you up. When they did the scan, they 0:10:54.829 --> 0:10:57.429 realized she hadn't grown since her thirty six weeks scan. 0:10:57.509 --> 0:10:59.949 I was forty and three like at this point, and 0:10:59.989 --> 0:11:02.069 they realized she hadn't grown in four weeks, and they said, 0:11:02.109 --> 0:11:03.949 I think it's time to just get this child out. 0:11:04.309 --> 0:11:06.869 Come back tomorrow. And so I came in, got to 0:11:06.909 --> 0:11:09.429 be induced. I got with the tape, the gel thing, 0:11:10.189 --> 0:11:12.749 and then I'd done two stretching sweeps as well, because 0:11:12.789 --> 0:11:14.189 I was like, I'm going to have a vaginal birth, 0:11:14.189 --> 0:11:17.029 That's exactly what's going to happen. I'd done the pelvic 0:11:17.029 --> 0:11:19.789 floor physio, I'd done peroneal message, I'd done the birth 0:11:19.789 --> 0:11:22.349 classes like that's what was going to happen, and then 0:11:22.709 --> 0:11:25.589 got induced, stayed in the hospital like went up to 0:11:25.709 --> 0:11:28.909 like two centimeters. Then at like two am, they said, oh, 0:11:28.949 --> 0:11:31.909 we could put the balloon catheter in you. I said, 0:11:31.909 --> 0:11:34.469 that doesn't sound pleasant, or we can break your waters 0:11:34.509 --> 0:11:36.909 in about four hours. When the doctor rounds next, I 0:11:36.949 --> 0:11:39.709 was like, let's pick that option. Yeah, so then. 0:11:39.989 --> 0:11:42.429 I'd rather a knitting needle than a balloon please. Yeah. 0:11:42.469 --> 0:11:44.669 And it didn't sound very comfortable. And at this point, 0:11:44.709 --> 0:11:47.469 like because the day before with the she hasn't grown. 0:11:48.029 --> 0:11:50.069 It was just a lot of anxiety. They were trying 0:11:50.109 --> 0:11:53.189 to get me to stay that night and induced that night, 0:11:53.229 --> 0:11:55.469 and then my midwife had privately said to me, it's 0:11:55.509 --> 0:11:57.989 just a really terrible idea to start an induction at nighttime, 0:11:58.069 --> 0:12:00.109 Like I highly recommend you come back in the morning. 0:12:00.589 --> 0:12:03.749 So like i'd come back, hadn't progressed. Then they broke 0:12:03.789 --> 0:12:05.909 my waters at like six am. My partner came back 0:12:05.989 --> 0:12:07.789 two hours, like oh, an hour later, they put me 0:12:07.829 --> 0:12:12.869 on the drip. The drip just intensified everything one thousand 0:12:12.909 --> 0:12:15.949 billion percent. And I'd had a planeting forought overnight. I 0:12:15.949 --> 0:12:17.869 was like, oh, I'll just try that paneting fought again. 0:12:17.909 --> 0:12:21.029 That was great, and then that obviously did nothing. Morphine 0:12:21.469 --> 0:12:23.949 was great. I had the best time, you know, i'd 0:12:23.989 --> 0:12:25.909 have a contraction, which you still feel, but then I 0:12:25.909 --> 0:12:28.229 would like pass out for the ninety seconds in between, 0:12:28.669 --> 0:12:30.309 and then that kind of wore off, and then I 0:12:30.349 --> 0:12:32.349 tried the gas, which the gas does nothing. I don't 0:12:32.349 --> 0:12:36.149 know why that's recommended. And then I said, at one point, oh, 0:12:36.229 --> 0:12:37.989 it's not going to get better, is it. And they're like, no, 0:12:38.069 --> 0:12:40.149 it's going to get worse. So I said, okay, let's 0:12:40.189 --> 0:12:41.029 just do the epidural. 0:12:41.309 --> 0:12:42.229 Get it into me. 0:12:42.429 --> 0:12:43.909 Get it into me. And I don't know why I 0:12:43.949 --> 0:12:47.909 was resisting it, because that is like God's gift to women. 0:12:48.349 --> 0:12:50.869 Thank you so much. It was great. It was great 0:12:50.989 --> 0:12:52.949 right up until the exact moment that it wasn't and 0:12:52.989 --> 0:12:55.749 it stopped working and then I could feel everything again, 0:12:56.349 --> 0:12:58.869 and then that's kind of when the wheels fell off 0:12:59.109 --> 0:13:02.669 mentally for me. It was about seven pm on the Thursday. 0:13:02.709 --> 0:13:05.349 That routine appointment that had started everything was the tuesday. 0:13:05.549 --> 0:13:07.429 I'd been induced on the Wednesday morning, so at this 0:13:07.509 --> 0:13:10.069 point it's about thirty hours. They checked me up with 0:13:10.189 --> 0:13:13.029 four centimeters dilated. I was like, oh my god. And 0:13:13.029 --> 0:13:15.229 then they said, let's check again in two hours, and 0:13:15.349 --> 0:13:17.669 they checked again and I was only five centimeters. They'd 0:13:17.669 --> 0:13:20.189 done that, her heart rate and started going up and down, 0:13:20.389 --> 0:13:22.509 and they did the little prick test to her head 0:13:22.549 --> 0:13:24.629 to make sure like her sugars were okay, and she 0:13:24.749 --> 0:13:27.229 was fine, so they said we can keep going. And 0:13:27.269 --> 0:13:29.309 then I said, like, how long have I got left? 0:13:29.389 --> 0:13:32.149 Do you think? And they were like soon, And then 0:13:32.149 --> 0:13:34.349 my husband stepped in and said, you have to tell 0:13:34.389 --> 0:13:36.389 Grace what soon means. Could I can tell she thinks 0:13:36.429 --> 0:13:39.029 that means two hours? And they said, no, it's probably 0:13:39.029 --> 0:13:42.149 like another ten hours. And my midwife's that I'd been 0:13:42.309 --> 0:13:44.789 with the whole you know, pregnancy. They were about to 0:13:44.789 --> 0:13:46.909 go off shift and another team was going to come in, 0:13:47.549 --> 0:13:51.549 and at that point when you're just like, mentally everything 0:13:51.589 --> 0:13:53.389 is terrible, It's it's so hard to talk about it 0:13:53.429 --> 0:13:57.149 at this point because you know, now here mentally fine, 0:13:57.189 --> 0:13:59.909 physically fine, you go. I should have just kept going, 0:13:59.949 --> 0:14:04.149 but everything just felt really intense, and I was just 0:14:04.229 --> 0:14:06.829 really really overwhelmed by the fact that I was feeling 0:14:06.829 --> 0:14:09.549 contractions again even though I had the epidural. 0:14:09.189 --> 0:14:12.189 And you thought, I cannot go through another ten hours 0:14:12.229 --> 0:14:15.829 and also shift changes, of course they have to happen, 0:14:16.789 --> 0:14:19.429 like it's just awful having to swap your like you 0:14:19.469 --> 0:14:22.189 get really attached to someone, and then there's always the 0:14:22.309 --> 0:14:24.989 changeover period and no one checks in on you during 0:14:24.989 --> 0:14:28.229 the changeover period and everything is delayed. Of course it 0:14:28.269 --> 0:14:30.069 has to happen, but it is one of the most 0:14:30.069 --> 0:14:34.669 annoying things that happens in a hospital. I think that's stupid, 0:14:34.709 --> 0:14:35.549 bloody changeover. 0:14:35.789 --> 0:14:37.909 And I just didn't want an energy change in my room. 0:14:38.069 --> 0:14:39.669 I know that sounds silly, but I was like, I 0:14:39.709 --> 0:14:41.429 just don't want more people coming in. I don't want 0:14:41.669 --> 0:14:44.589 like the handover to happen in front of me. You know, 0:14:44.829 --> 0:14:47.349 your brain goes to weird places when you're in that space. 0:14:47.909 --> 0:14:49.909 They kept leaving us for ten minutes to like have 0:14:50.069 --> 0:14:53.069 chats of like what we wanted to do, and I said, well, 0:14:53.069 --> 0:14:55.429 on that last check, I wished I hadn't progressed at all, 0:14:55.429 --> 0:14:58.229 so the decision was easier, and Josh was like, I 0:14:58.229 --> 0:14:59.789 think you want to see section. I was like, yes, 0:14:59.829 --> 0:15:02.429 I think I do, but then everyone had to get 0:15:02.429 --> 0:15:03.989 me to say it, and it was really hard to 0:15:04.029 --> 0:15:06.269 say I want to see section because I just didn't 0:15:06.309 --> 0:15:08.709 want that. I'm quite terrified of needles, terrified of I 0:15:08.749 --> 0:15:11.869 didn't want to be in an o awake, Are we 0:15:11.989 --> 0:15:15.629 the say person, yes, yes. But one of the beautiful 0:15:15.629 --> 0:15:18.069 things that happened is when the doctor came in he 0:15:18.149 --> 0:15:20.349 was going to do the sea section. She walked in 0:15:20.389 --> 0:15:22.469 and she was the person who had broken my waters 0:15:22.669 --> 0:15:25.909 on her shift beforehand, so she had lived a life 0:15:26.189 --> 0:15:28.229 in between. You know, they've got to do like some 0:15:28.349 --> 0:15:30.549 legal things, like they've got to say like, we don't 0:15:30.589 --> 0:15:33.549 medically have to do this. She's fine, You're fine. And 0:15:33.589 --> 0:15:35.869 then my midwife stepped in and said, oh, look she 0:15:35.949 --> 0:15:37.789 has to say this. She goes, oh, yeah, I have to. 0:15:37.869 --> 0:15:39.469 But you know, if this with me, I would have 0:15:39.469 --> 0:15:41.869 had a sea section hours ago. Yeah. So I felt 0:15:42.269 --> 0:15:43.949 a lot better because there's a part of you that 0:15:44.069 --> 0:15:46.909 like martyr woman thing that's like, am I giving up? 0:15:47.069 --> 0:15:49.989 Did I just like throw the towel in? Yeah, But 0:15:50.069 --> 0:15:53.309 after that amount of hours and it was just all 0:15:53.629 --> 0:15:55.669 a bit much. So at ten pm I got a 0:15:55.669 --> 0:15:57.029 sea section on that Thursday night. 0:15:57.549 --> 0:15:59.389 Just on that note when you said like about being 0:15:59.429 --> 0:16:01.709 a martyr and feeling like, you know, you should be 0:16:01.749 --> 0:16:04.029 doing it this way. On the flip side of that, 0:16:04.069 --> 0:16:06.709 did you also feel like because I had this where 0:16:06.749 --> 0:16:09.789 I felt like I'm so selfish and trying for a 0:16:09.789 --> 0:16:12.229 bad birth. I just need to meet my baby, Like, 0:16:12.269 --> 0:16:13.749 what if something were to go wrong now, Like I 0:16:13.789 --> 0:16:16.229 had both of those things going on at the same time, 0:16:16.269 --> 0:16:19.389 which was a really hard kind of mind space to 0:16:19.429 --> 0:16:19.629 be in. 0:16:20.069 --> 0:16:23.629 You're just punishing yourself. Oh yeah, from both sides. Yeah, 0:16:23.629 --> 0:16:26.349 I had that. When they keep saying just monitor for 0:16:26.389 --> 0:16:28.589 fetal movements, monitor for fetal movements. So that was my 0:16:28.749 --> 0:16:31.789 least favorite thing. It just terrified me because they said, well, 0:16:31.789 --> 0:16:33.789 has the pattern changed. I'm like, I don't think there 0:16:33.829 --> 0:16:37.549 is a pattern. I've tried so hard to figure out 0:16:37.589 --> 0:16:39.949 the pattern, but I just don't know it exists. 0:16:40.349 --> 0:16:43.269 So talk to me about meeting Nora. I know obviously 0:16:43.349 --> 0:16:46.109 it wasn't what you'd planned, but I don't know. My 0:16:46.149 --> 0:16:48.429 c sections have been kind of beautiful. 0:16:48.869 --> 0:16:51.149 I felt like I was quite drugged up by the 0:16:51.149 --> 0:16:53.749 time I got in there. It was all like very 0:16:53.829 --> 0:16:56.789 again because I'm like quite a medically anxious person and 0:16:56.869 --> 0:16:59.709 I like to know what's going on, but then not 0:16:59.869 --> 0:17:03.029 too much what's going on. So the first like fifteen 0:17:03.029 --> 0:17:05.389 minutes were great, Like I had my midwife and the 0:17:05.389 --> 0:17:08.189 student midwife who i'd been with the whole you know, 0:17:08.189 --> 0:17:11.669 a few months, and then Josh was obviously there, and 0:17:11.709 --> 0:17:14.189 then they were just talking to us and they said, 0:17:14.389 --> 0:17:16.629 are you ready to meet your daughter? And before they 0:17:16.669 --> 0:17:21.109 even finished that sentence, like her screams like filled the room. 0:17:21.589 --> 0:17:24.069 And it's like, oh, makes me feel emotional because I 0:17:24.149 --> 0:17:27.749 wasn't expecting it, and she wasn't even out of my womb, 0:17:27.829 --> 0:17:29.949 like fully out of the womb. And was like, I'm 0:17:29.989 --> 0:17:32.749 here because I've seen the photos later on, like her 0:17:32.789 --> 0:17:35.149 legs were still in there, and she was just screaming, 0:17:35.949 --> 0:17:36.989 how very dare you? 0:17:37.229 --> 0:17:39.469 I was comfortable, yeah. 0:17:38.949 --> 0:17:40.589 And so Josh and I just like it kind of 0:17:40.629 --> 0:17:42.669 took us by surprise and we were like, oh my god, 0:17:42.749 --> 0:17:44.789 and we both looked at each other and like obviously 0:17:44.789 --> 0:17:49.149 started crying. And then when they bought her around and 0:17:49.149 --> 0:17:51.589 put her on my chest, like she stopped crying like immediately, 0:17:52.149 --> 0:17:56.429 and my breast just started lactating, like, oh, I actually 0:17:56.429 --> 0:17:59.389 also lactated when they did the epidural, which is so weird. 0:17:59.789 --> 0:18:03.269 They were like, your bodies are incredible, Yeah. 0:18:03.469 --> 0:18:06.229 So weird. It's all very beautiful and wonderful. But then 0:18:06.269 --> 0:18:08.789 she goes off for her checks, and then Josh had 0:18:08.869 --> 0:18:10.429 went off with her as well, and then you sort 0:18:10.429 --> 0:18:13.629 of left alone and the adrenaline of the moment is gone. 0:18:14.029 --> 0:18:16.589 Did you have the shakes where you're yeah, Oh yeah 0:18:16.629 --> 0:18:18.269 I did. And then I started to panic because I 0:18:18.309 --> 0:18:20.709 didn't know what that was. And everyone said you're fine, 0:18:20.709 --> 0:18:23.749 and I was like, cool, mindfulness, mindfulness, trying to be mindful, 0:18:24.069 --> 0:18:25.189 and you can feel yourself. 0:18:25.229 --> 0:18:27.149 Someone's inside me right now, Yeah. 0:18:26.869 --> 0:18:28.829