1 00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:16,167 Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to Mamma Mia out Loud and to 2 00:00:16,247 --> 00:00:19,207 Speaker 1: our Friday show. Now, I think you'll probably all be 3 00:00:19,447 --> 00:00:23,527 Speaker 1: very happy to hear that today's show is a safe space. 4 00:00:24,167 --> 00:00:28,167 Speaker 1: We are not going to mention, not even once. Maybe 5 00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:32,447 Speaker 1: very very thickly veiled references, but we are not going 6 00:00:32,447 --> 00:00:34,407 Speaker 1: to talk about that thing that happened this week. We're 7 00:00:34,447 --> 00:00:38,367 Speaker 1: just not going to. Now, this show is all about distraction. 8 00:00:39,007 --> 00:00:42,287 Speaker 1: It is Friday, the eighth of November, and I am 9 00:00:42,327 --> 00:00:43,567 Speaker 1: Holly Wainwright. 10 00:00:43,447 --> 00:00:47,447 Speaker 2: I'm Jesse Stevens, and I'm Vernon filling in for mea today. 11 00:00:47,527 --> 00:00:50,367 Speaker 2: If you need more distractions from the news cycle after 12 00:00:50,487 --> 00:00:54,127 Speaker 2: this episode, I host our daily entertainment podcast, The Spill. 13 00:00:54,527 --> 00:00:58,487 Speaker 1: On today's show. Has any human being ever calmed down 14 00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:01,927 Speaker 1: after being told to calm down? Why every way you look, 15 00:01:02,007 --> 00:01:06,047 Speaker 1: you're being told to emotionally regulate. Also, Jesse and I 16 00:01:06,047 --> 00:01:08,087 Speaker 1: would like to recommend a TV show to you, but 17 00:01:08,167 --> 00:01:11,687 Speaker 1: we can't. Instead, we've got you some beauty things and 18 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,967 Speaker 1: EM's bringing you an essential follow and our best and 19 00:01:15,007 --> 00:01:19,367 Speaker 1: worst of the week, which include no not that welcome visitors, 20 00:01:19,607 --> 00:01:22,527 Speaker 1: a family loss, a grumpy baby, and a hell of 21 00:01:22,567 --> 00:01:26,487 Speaker 1: a hangover. But first, Emily Vernon and Katy missed it. 22 00:01:26,687 --> 00:01:29,807 Speaker 2: The world is talking about the debt notice of an 23 00:01:29,807 --> 00:01:34,607 Speaker 2: Australian woman named Jennifer Ann Kelly. The notice was written 24 00:01:34,607 --> 00:01:37,367 Speaker 2: by Jennifer's two sons, Chris and Sean Kelly, who grew 25 00:01:37,407 --> 00:01:39,527 Speaker 2: up in Sydney, and it summed up their mother in 26 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:43,407 Speaker 2: a very unconventional way. Let me read it out farewell. 27 00:01:43,487 --> 00:01:47,207 Speaker 2: Jenny Kelly born fifteen May nineteen thirty six. Our wild 28 00:01:47,247 --> 00:01:50,727 Speaker 2: and wayward mother died on twenty eighth of October twenty 29 00:01:50,927 --> 00:01:54,807 Speaker 2: twenty four. She refused to say past. We spend most 30 00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:58,447 Speaker 2: of our lives compensating for our upbringing, said Jenny. She 31 00:01:58,567 --> 00:02:01,527 Speaker 2: believed that exposing you to religion was a form of 32 00:02:01,607 --> 00:02:04,807 Speaker 2: child abuse. It was impossible to watch the news in 33 00:02:04,807 --> 00:02:07,887 Speaker 2: her presence due to her vocal outrage at the way 34 00:02:07,927 --> 00:02:12,207 Speaker 2: the country is run. She held John Howard in particular contempt. 35 00:02:13,127 --> 00:02:16,567 Speaker 2: Mum grew great dope, never wanted to leave a party, 36 00:02:16,647 --> 00:02:20,727 Speaker 2: and gave up champagne or jin frequently, but never simultaneously. 37 00:02:21,567 --> 00:02:26,287 Speaker 2: Her rare attempts at responsible parenting or grandparenting were always touching. 38 00:02:27,007 --> 00:02:29,847 Speaker 2: She said. Sean was a much better driver than Chris. 39 00:02:30,447 --> 00:02:34,487 Speaker 2: News On what's next to follow? Bring a shovel. This 40 00:02:34,567 --> 00:02:35,207 Speaker 2: is so cute. 41 00:02:35,687 --> 00:02:38,607 Speaker 3: What I love so much about this obituary is in 42 00:02:38,727 --> 00:02:41,607 Speaker 3: standard obituaries, you don't really get a sense of someone. 43 00:02:42,087 --> 00:02:45,087 Speaker 3: You get a bunch of shit about how they lit 44 00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:47,687 Speaker 3: up a room and they were kind and dedicated to 45 00:02:47,727 --> 00:02:50,447 Speaker 3: the community. The reality is most of us aren't. I 46 00:02:50,487 --> 00:02:52,767 Speaker 3: don't know if that would be particularly relevant for any 47 00:02:52,767 --> 00:02:56,167 Speaker 3: of us, and I love the idiosyncrasies of this. We 48 00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:58,247 Speaker 3: sent it around a group chat and we were all 49 00:02:58,327 --> 00:03:00,887 Speaker 3: laughing about what we would honestly say about our man, 50 00:03:01,087 --> 00:03:03,847 Speaker 3: because probably the way that we, you know, would have 51 00:03:03,887 --> 00:03:05,647 Speaker 3: printed it in the paper would have been she left 52 00:03:05,687 --> 00:03:08,887 Speaker 3: behind six children and da da da. But it's like, no, 53 00:03:09,247 --> 00:03:14,927 Speaker 3: she was also very politically incorrect. She was imperfect and funny, 54 00:03:15,447 --> 00:03:17,607 Speaker 3: and that's actually why you love them. 55 00:03:17,847 --> 00:03:20,247 Speaker 2: I want to know who had to tell John Howard 56 00:03:20,287 --> 00:03:23,087 Speaker 2: that he was mentioned inituinary. I want to be in 57 00:03:23,087 --> 00:03:24,407 Speaker 2: that conversation so badly. 58 00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,327 Speaker 1: I had to call my mum and just check that 59 00:03:26,367 --> 00:03:29,127 Speaker 1: she wasn't living a double life she was no longer 60 00:03:29,127 --> 00:03:32,207 Speaker 1: with us, because this woman sounds a lot like my mum, 61 00:03:32,287 --> 00:03:37,367 Speaker 1: and I think this family had a kick ass matriarch. 62 00:03:37,607 --> 00:03:42,807 Speaker 3: Are you emotionally regulated? Just like the legitimate psychological terms 63 00:03:42,807 --> 00:03:47,527 Speaker 3: of narcissism, trigger, toxic gas lighting, and more recently hyperfixation 64 00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:51,207 Speaker 3: have been co opted by popular culture, the idea of 65 00:03:51,367 --> 00:03:56,407 Speaker 3: emotional dysregulation suddenly feels like it's everywhere. I'm going to 66 00:03:56,447 --> 00:03:58,607 Speaker 3: explain where I've seen it, and then I'm interested to 67 00:03:58,647 --> 00:04:00,767 Speaker 3: know if either of you have come across it too. 68 00:04:01,207 --> 00:04:05,247 Speaker 3: Emotional regulation is the big thing in the parenting world. 69 00:04:05,527 --> 00:04:08,487 Speaker 3: The message I'm hearing is that in order to have 70 00:04:08,567 --> 00:04:12,407 Speaker 3: a regulated child, so a child who never tantrums, never 71 00:04:12,407 --> 00:04:15,447 Speaker 3: gets angry, who eats all their food, and who exists 72 00:04:15,447 --> 00:04:18,567 Speaker 3: the yea, yeah, they're just emotionally regulated colleges and they 73 00:04:18,607 --> 00:04:21,527 Speaker 3: sleep well and they play well with others. In order 74 00:04:21,527 --> 00:04:24,807 Speaker 3: for that to happen, I must be regulated. And my 75 00:04:25,007 --> 00:04:30,007 Speaker 3: question has been what does regulated actually mean? Well, apparently 76 00:04:30,327 --> 00:04:33,767 Speaker 3: my ability to regulate my emotional stage, so that means 77 00:04:33,847 --> 00:04:39,487 Speaker 3: not having outbursts, staying calm, being stable, all that plays 78 00:04:39,527 --> 00:04:44,327 Speaker 3: a crucial role in my child's emotional development. The theory, 79 00:04:44,527 --> 00:04:47,687 Speaker 3: and this is according to some gentle parenting advocates as 80 00:04:47,727 --> 00:04:50,127 Speaker 3: well as a number of psychologists on the internet, is 81 00:04:50,127 --> 00:04:53,447 Speaker 3: that if I exhibit emotional regulation, then so too will 82 00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,847 Speaker 3: my child. I need to show them that there are 83 00:04:55,887 --> 00:04:58,487 Speaker 3: no bad emotions. If they get really mad and mad 84 00:04:58,527 --> 00:05:00,247 Speaker 3: and and they're yelling or whatever, I don't send them 85 00:05:00,287 --> 00:05:03,807 Speaker 3: to their room. I watch that emotion. I accept the emotion, 86 00:05:04,247 --> 00:05:05,887 Speaker 3: and then we co regulate. 87 00:05:06,367 --> 00:05:11,327 Speaker 1: Okay, oh, mure calm and they tune into you and 88 00:05:11,487 --> 00:05:12,287 Speaker 1: they'll be calm. 89 00:05:12,527 --> 00:05:15,207 Speaker 3: So I must stay calm at all times. And I'm 90 00:05:15,247 --> 00:05:18,047 Speaker 3: sure there is truth to that, but it is also 91 00:05:18,087 --> 00:05:21,807 Speaker 3: a very very very high bar and isn't necessarily good 92 00:05:21,847 --> 00:05:24,047 Speaker 3: for us. Because I was reading an article in Slate 93 00:05:24,207 --> 00:05:27,487 Speaker 3: recently with the headline Calm down, Mum, which I feel 94 00:05:27,487 --> 00:05:29,847 Speaker 3: like is the headline of parenting in twenty twenty four, 95 00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:33,807 Speaker 3: where Olga Mecking spoke to a number of researchers and 96 00:05:33,847 --> 00:05:40,047 Speaker 3: academics who said, we have fundamentally misinterpreted what emotional regulation is. Instead, 97 00:05:40,247 --> 00:05:44,127 Speaker 3: we are treating it like emotional perfectionism, whereby we can 98 00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:47,527 Speaker 3: never have or exhibit a negative emotion, and if we do, 99 00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:51,567 Speaker 3: then we've failed. This is also a very American, and 100 00:05:51,927 --> 00:05:54,647 Speaker 3: I would say, by extension an Australian thing, because one 101 00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:58,807 Speaker 3: research study done on Eastern European subjects when they were 102 00:05:58,807 --> 00:06:02,127 Speaker 3: asked about how they go regulating their emotions, they simply 103 00:06:02,167 --> 00:06:05,567 Speaker 3: didn't understand the question. Many suggested that to try and 104 00:06:05,607 --> 00:06:08,527 Speaker 3: regulate your emotions would be like trying to regulate the weather. 105 00:06:09,047 --> 00:06:11,967 Speaker 3: Just like the weather, some are stormier than others, and 106 00:06:12,007 --> 00:06:14,607 Speaker 3: none of us actually have mastery over our emotions, and 107 00:06:14,647 --> 00:06:17,447 Speaker 3: there is no such thing as a bad one. Holly, 108 00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:20,087 Speaker 3: are you seeing this term pop up in your world? 109 00:06:20,487 --> 00:06:24,687 Speaker 1: Absolutely very much, but less about parenting and more about 110 00:06:24,847 --> 00:06:27,847 Speaker 1: ourselves what we might have to do to protect ourselves 111 00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:31,127 Speaker 1: from disregulated emotions. And I'll get to that in a minute. 112 00:06:31,527 --> 00:06:33,527 Speaker 1: You already did touch on this, Jesse, But I think 113 00:06:33,607 --> 00:06:36,367 Speaker 1: when we're having a conversation like this, we have to 114 00:06:36,447 --> 00:06:39,247 Speaker 1: make it clear that we know that emotional dysregulation is 115 00:06:39,287 --> 00:06:43,727 Speaker 1: a real thing, and for people who are either themselves 116 00:06:44,407 --> 00:06:48,607 Speaker 1: diagnosed with various neurodiversities like ADHD, for example, or maybe 117 00:06:48,607 --> 00:06:52,727 Speaker 1: a parent in kids with ADHD, you know, emotional dysregulation 118 00:06:52,807 --> 00:06:56,327 Speaker 1: as it's called is often not always but is often 119 00:06:56,527 --> 00:06:58,247 Speaker 1: one of the tales, one of the things that you 120 00:06:58,327 --> 00:06:59,487 Speaker 1: are trying to deal. 121 00:06:59,287 --> 00:07:02,487 Speaker 3: With and that you're struggling with, and that you genuinely 122 00:07:02,567 --> 00:07:06,367 Speaker 3: need to sit with a clinical psychologist or professionals to 123 00:07:06,767 --> 00:07:10,087 Speaker 3: get help with, because you are emotionally disregulating very different 124 00:07:10,127 --> 00:07:12,287 Speaker 3: way to say the average. 125 00:07:12,047 --> 00:07:15,087 Speaker 1: Person, and it can have an outsized effect on your 126 00:07:15,127 --> 00:07:17,207 Speaker 1: life and the way that other people treat you. So, 127 00:07:17,367 --> 00:07:21,647 Speaker 1: for example, kids who maybe diagnosed with ADHD and are 128 00:07:21,687 --> 00:07:24,687 Speaker 1: struggling with emotional dysregulation might be told, well, that's something 129 00:07:24,727 --> 00:07:28,127 Speaker 1: you have to control because your big feelings in inverted 130 00:07:28,127 --> 00:07:30,247 Speaker 1: commas are going to stop you making friends, are going 131 00:07:30,327 --> 00:07:33,007 Speaker 1: to you know, give you problems at school. And so 132 00:07:33,127 --> 00:07:35,287 Speaker 1: I just think we need to make sure that everybody 133 00:07:35,407 --> 00:07:38,767 Speaker 1: understands that we know that's real. Yea, what we're talking 134 00:07:38,807 --> 00:07:41,407 Speaker 1: about here is kind of the way, as you said, Jesse, 135 00:07:41,567 --> 00:07:45,127 Speaker 1: that this is now seeped out into all kinds of 136 00:07:45,127 --> 00:07:49,367 Speaker 1: other areas, and it seems like emotional regulation is the 137 00:07:49,407 --> 00:07:52,447 Speaker 1: goal at all times. And whether or not that's helpful, 138 00:07:52,487 --> 00:07:55,807 Speaker 1: because when I heard you talking, Jesse about how you 139 00:07:55,887 --> 00:07:57,727 Speaker 1: have to remain calm all the time, no matter what 140 00:07:57,767 --> 00:07:59,727 Speaker 1: your kids do, and if you lose your shit at them, 141 00:08:00,127 --> 00:08:02,127 Speaker 1: then that's a massive or not at them, but in 142 00:08:02,167 --> 00:08:05,487 Speaker 1: their presence. You know, obviously at them can be complicated, 143 00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:09,087 Speaker 1: but we're humans. Then that is a terrible thing. Whereas 144 00:08:09,767 --> 00:08:12,327 Speaker 1: you know how often we cherry pick the parenting advice 145 00:08:12,407 --> 00:08:15,247 Speaker 1: and research that we like the best. I remember when 146 00:08:15,287 --> 00:08:17,087 Speaker 1: I was hosting a parenting show, which I did for 147 00:08:17,167 --> 00:08:19,927 Speaker 1: years and years and years, one of the pieces of 148 00:08:20,327 --> 00:08:23,647 Speaker 1: advice I got that I liked the most, and I 149 00:08:23,687 --> 00:08:25,007 Speaker 1: can't remember who gave it to me now, but it 150 00:08:25,047 --> 00:08:27,887 Speaker 1: was an expert was someone saying, it's actually good for 151 00:08:27,967 --> 00:08:30,447 Speaker 1: your kids to see you lose your shit as long 152 00:08:30,487 --> 00:08:33,007 Speaker 1: as you get your shit back together, like not instantly, 153 00:08:33,207 --> 00:08:35,927 Speaker 1: but you know, because they need to have it modeled 154 00:08:35,967 --> 00:08:38,647 Speaker 1: to them that you get angry and it's not the 155 00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,687 Speaker 1: end of the world. You can then regroup, calm down, 156 00:08:41,927 --> 00:08:45,967 Speaker 1: be friends with everybody, Like that's all right. But the 157 00:08:46,087 --> 00:08:47,767 Speaker 1: place I'm seeing this a lot, and I'd love to 158 00:08:47,807 --> 00:08:50,807 Speaker 1: hear what EMM thinks about this is in things like 159 00:08:50,887 --> 00:08:54,967 Speaker 1: your social life and even your social media feeds. Maybe, 160 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:57,927 Speaker 1: and this might be very relevant this week, of all weeks. 161 00:08:57,967 --> 00:09:00,927 Speaker 1: Not that we're talking about that, but I hear a 162 00:09:00,967 --> 00:09:03,407 Speaker 1: lot of people talking about cutting out people from their 163 00:09:03,447 --> 00:09:07,847 Speaker 1: lives or their feeds or both who disregulate them. For example, 164 00:09:08,167 --> 00:09:11,407 Speaker 1: we talked about the Elizabeth Gilbert interview with Tim Ferris 165 00:09:11,527 --> 00:09:15,087 Speaker 1: on our subscriber episode about hair, but she also gave 166 00:09:15,287 --> 00:09:18,727 Speaker 1: really fascinating details of how she's cut people out of 167 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:23,287 Speaker 1: her life who really mess with her regulation, her emotional regulation. 168 00:09:23,727 --> 00:09:27,367 Speaker 1: She was talking to Ferris about how, in order to 169 00:09:27,407 --> 00:09:30,367 Speaker 1: protect her mental health and the calm life that she 170 00:09:30,447 --> 00:09:32,927 Speaker 1: lives now and the creativity she needs to tap into, 171 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,527 Speaker 1: she has had to cut certain people out of her life, 172 00:09:36,687 --> 00:09:40,167 Speaker 1: and she gave some examples friends, family members, and then 173 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,007 Speaker 1: Ferris asked her, how do you actually do that? Do 174 00:09:43,087 --> 00:09:44,967 Speaker 1: you send them a text? Do you talk to them 175 00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:46,327 Speaker 1: directly or do you just ghost? 176 00:09:46,367 --> 00:09:48,647 Speaker 4: And this is what she said, some have been done, 177 00:09:48,687 --> 00:09:53,327 Speaker 4: I would say elegantly, which to me means honestly. But 178 00:09:53,447 --> 00:09:55,727 Speaker 4: I think again, you can keep it on the eye 179 00:09:55,967 --> 00:10:01,007 Speaker 4: and just say, like I noticed that I become so 180 00:10:01,207 --> 00:10:06,327 Speaker 4: disregulated after these encounters that I can't do this anymore. 181 00:10:06,527 --> 00:10:10,887 Speaker 4: This is too disregulating for me to do it. I'm out. 182 00:10:11,447 --> 00:10:15,207 Speaker 4: And at times where I'm super disregulated, I will say 183 00:10:15,287 --> 00:10:17,567 Speaker 4: I'm not well and I need to go get well 184 00:10:18,287 --> 00:10:19,887 Speaker 4: and I'm going to go take some privacy. 185 00:10:20,127 --> 00:10:22,727 Speaker 3: Yeah, what do you even think it means to say 186 00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:25,247 Speaker 3: that other people are making you disregulated? 187 00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,127 Speaker 1: I think I know what it means, and I want 188 00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:29,527 Speaker 1: to hear what you think about. Like an example would 189 00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:33,487 Speaker 1: be when you spend time with somebody, maybe a family 190 00:10:33,527 --> 00:10:36,767 Speaker 1: member or somebody from your past or, and you come 191 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:44,327 Speaker 1: away feeling anxious, negative, angry, toxic kind of Do you 192 00:10:44,367 --> 00:10:45,167 Speaker 1: know what I mean? Then? 193 00:10:45,447 --> 00:10:49,487 Speaker 2: I think I experienced this mainly in and I'm sure 194 00:10:49,687 --> 00:10:52,127 Speaker 2: most women who are single would experience is mainly in 195 00:10:52,247 --> 00:10:57,767 Speaker 2: dating with You have to constantly be regulated with your emotions, 196 00:10:57,847 --> 00:11:00,727 Speaker 2: especially if you're dating someone but it's in that situationship 197 00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:04,087 Speaker 2: phase and the relationship hasn't been confirmed. You're not granted 198 00:11:04,127 --> 00:11:08,287 Speaker 2: the same emotions that people in relationships get. So, for example, 199 00:11:08,287 --> 00:11:11,167 Speaker 2: if you're dating someone and you haven't established what relationship 200 00:11:11,247 --> 00:11:14,407 Speaker 2: is and you're casually dating and they say, yes, I 201 00:11:14,447 --> 00:11:17,327 Speaker 2: am sleeping with other people, you have to be like, cool, 202 00:11:17,687 --> 00:11:19,407 Speaker 2: that's very cool that you're doing this. 203 00:11:19,727 --> 00:11:22,247 Speaker 3: You're not granted a bad mood, you're not in that 204 00:11:22,447 --> 00:11:23,287 Speaker 3: early days. 205 00:11:23,407 --> 00:11:26,647 Speaker 2: But that's what makes me so disregulated. But I have 206 00:11:26,727 --> 00:11:29,927 Speaker 2: to be disregulated in my own space by myself. I 207 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,287 Speaker 2: can't be that in front of them. 208 00:11:31,567 --> 00:11:34,607 Speaker 3: So you have to wear a mask. Yeah, in those moments, 209 00:11:34,607 --> 00:11:37,047 Speaker 3: you can't express the true emotion you're feeling, so you 210 00:11:37,087 --> 00:11:39,727 Speaker 3: need to find a way to helpfully deal with it privately. 211 00:11:39,887 --> 00:11:42,767 Speaker 2: Yes, and it's annoying. I feel like every woman who's 212 00:11:42,807 --> 00:11:48,007 Speaker 2: in a situationship would have this feeling because you can't 213 00:11:48,287 --> 00:11:52,407 Speaker 2: even say that you're upset or you're angry, because then 214 00:11:52,487 --> 00:11:55,847 Speaker 2: you're labeled as a crazy girlfriend who's not even the girlfriend. 215 00:11:55,967 --> 00:11:58,487 Speaker 1: Do you think it's fair enough both of you to 216 00:11:58,807 --> 00:12:00,447 Speaker 1: cut disregulating people? 217 00:12:01,047 --> 00:12:03,847 Speaker 3: To me, it's funny the use of the word disregulated, 218 00:12:03,847 --> 00:12:05,567 Speaker 3: because this is where I think we've co opted the 219 00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:09,087 Speaker 3: language in a really clumsy way, which is kind of 220 00:12:09,247 --> 00:12:12,447 Speaker 3: paradoxically the opposite of what it means. I think that 221 00:12:12,527 --> 00:12:15,407 Speaker 3: if you're walking away from people and you're feeling anxious 222 00:12:15,687 --> 00:12:19,247 Speaker 3: or angry or self loathing, you're actually incredibly regulated. You 223 00:12:19,367 --> 00:12:21,607 Speaker 3: have a very clear sense of how that person is 224 00:12:21,647 --> 00:12:24,247 Speaker 3: making you feel. And same if you're dating someone and 225 00:12:24,247 --> 00:12:27,167 Speaker 3: you walk away feeling like crap, your body is telling 226 00:12:27,207 --> 00:12:30,287 Speaker 3: you something very clear, and it's operating as it should, 227 00:12:30,607 --> 00:12:33,887 Speaker 3: and then I think you make decisions about I feel 228 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:37,847 Speaker 3: better when I'm not around you. I worry that emotional 229 00:12:37,887 --> 00:12:43,647 Speaker 3: dysregulation is really telling us that we should feel calm, happy, 230 00:12:44,407 --> 00:12:48,607 Speaker 3: capable at every moment, and that's where the emotional perfectionism 231 00:12:48,967 --> 00:12:51,407 Speaker 3: comes in, which I think is really dangerous. I've found 232 00:12:51,487 --> 00:12:54,607 Speaker 3: that if I'm ever feeling something like I got to 233 00:12:54,647 --> 00:12:56,687 Speaker 3: find the other day and it made me really really anxious, 234 00:12:56,727 --> 00:12:58,647 Speaker 3: and I was like, you need to sit down and meditate. 235 00:12:58,647 --> 00:13:01,087 Speaker 3: Then once you're done with the meditation, feeling will go away. 236 00:13:01,287 --> 00:13:03,287 Speaker 3: And I sat down and meditated, and guess what, the 237 00:13:03,327 --> 00:13:07,647 Speaker 3: feeling didn't go away, because that is within the spectrum 238 00:13:08,047 --> 00:13:10,687 Speaker 3: of normal emotion and what we've started to do. And 239 00:13:10,767 --> 00:13:14,527 Speaker 3: of course I'm talking here about people who aren't neurodiverse 240 00:13:14,767 --> 00:13:18,607 Speaker 3: and are you know, generally within the realm of typical emotion, 241 00:13:19,167 --> 00:13:23,287 Speaker 3: we've just pathologized anything bad. And so I've heard people 242 00:13:23,327 --> 00:13:26,287 Speaker 3: say it about kids who are high energy, or they're 243 00:13:26,367 --> 00:13:28,727 Speaker 3: running around, or maybe your kid does throw themselves on 244 00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:33,487 Speaker 3: the floor in the supermarket. That's not disregulated. That's a 245 00:13:33,807 --> 00:13:36,527 Speaker 3: normal expression of emotion. And I think that the word 246 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:41,447 Speaker 3: disregulated also makes a parent always feel like it's their fault. 247 00:13:41,687 --> 00:13:43,407 Speaker 3: So I came home from work the other day and 248 00:13:43,527 --> 00:13:47,207 Speaker 3: you know, Luna was grumpy and grumbling, and I felt 249 00:13:47,207 --> 00:13:49,847 Speaker 3: myself conditioned to go you must have walked in the 250 00:13:49,847 --> 00:13:52,647 Speaker 3: door disregulated, and she has felt your emotions and she's 251 00:13:52,767 --> 00:13:57,047 Speaker 3: responded no, Like, we are not responsible to even think 252 00:13:57,087 --> 00:14:00,167 Speaker 3: that coregulating our motion with a child. We are not 253 00:14:00,247 --> 00:14:01,887 Speaker 3: responsible for every emotion they have. 254 00:14:02,127 --> 00:14:05,287 Speaker 1: But we all know that our mood affects other people. 255 00:14:06,247 --> 00:14:09,647 Speaker 1: If I walk into the podcast studio and I did 256 00:14:09,687 --> 00:14:13,287 Speaker 1: this last week, and I'm emotional about something, upset about something, 257 00:14:14,127 --> 00:14:17,887 Speaker 1: and I allow that to like vibe off me, it 258 00:14:18,007 --> 00:14:21,887 Speaker 1: infects the room. That's the truth, yes, But so aiming 259 00:14:21,927 --> 00:14:26,727 Speaker 1: for emotional regulation, like aiming to have a handle on that, 260 00:14:26,807 --> 00:14:29,767 Speaker 1: whether that means like going away and doing your breathing 261 00:14:29,847 --> 00:14:32,007 Speaker 1: or whatever it is before you do that. I think 262 00:14:32,047 --> 00:14:33,847 Speaker 1: that's positive thing, right. 263 00:14:33,967 --> 00:14:36,447 Speaker 2: But if you were to come into the room and 264 00:14:36,487 --> 00:14:40,847 Speaker 2: you were disregulated, do we have the right to also 265 00:14:40,927 --> 00:14:44,327 Speaker 2: be disregulated because of your disregulation. 266 00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:47,247 Speaker 3: Or is it on us to be so regulated that 267 00:14:47,647 --> 00:14:49,927 Speaker 3: your disregulation doesn't even affect us? 268 00:14:50,007 --> 00:14:52,047 Speaker 2: Because I think the article made a good point when 269 00:14:52,087 --> 00:14:55,127 Speaker 2: talking about things like racism, Like I think about like 270 00:14:55,167 --> 00:14:58,487 Speaker 2: if I had a child and someone was racist against 271 00:14:58,527 --> 00:15:00,367 Speaker 2: that child, that was horrible to us a child, I'm 272 00:15:00,367 --> 00:15:03,807 Speaker 2: like attack that person. Be as disregulated as you want. 273 00:15:03,927 --> 00:15:05,047 Speaker 2: That's you're allowed to be. 274 00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,127 Speaker 1: That's a very interesting point. And because is this just 275 00:15:09,487 --> 00:15:13,127 Speaker 1: code for angry, like don't be angry, Like, don't be angry. 276 00:15:13,127 --> 00:15:16,447 Speaker 1: It's something that justifiably you should be angry about, you 277 00:15:16,487 --> 00:15:17,047 Speaker 1: know what I mean? 278 00:15:17,327 --> 00:15:21,287 Speaker 3: Yeah, Whereas it's quite again, it's quite normal for people 279 00:15:21,327 --> 00:15:24,167 Speaker 3: to be feeling all of those emotions. And I wonder 280 00:15:24,167 --> 00:15:27,127 Speaker 3: if it's a new stick for parents and for women 281 00:15:27,767 --> 00:15:30,327 Speaker 3: to beat themselves with. Like I really like to be 282 00:15:30,407 --> 00:15:33,447 Speaker 3: clear the strategies. And anyone who's been to a psychologist 283 00:15:34,087 --> 00:15:37,327 Speaker 3: or you know, has a child, who sees someone about 284 00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:41,407 Speaker 3: whatever they're experiencing, will know that breathing, so they say 285 00:15:41,647 --> 00:15:44,407 Speaker 3: breathe in for four, breathe out for eight. I practice 286 00:15:44,407 --> 00:15:47,887 Speaker 3: that all the time. If I'm feeling something that's overwhelming me, 287 00:15:48,687 --> 00:15:51,247 Speaker 3: Nothing bad happens from that. Like that's great. It just 288 00:15:51,287 --> 00:15:53,327 Speaker 3: feels like I have something from my toolbox to like 289 00:15:53,447 --> 00:15:56,687 Speaker 3: draw on, or I'm gonna sit and name this emotion 290 00:15:56,767 --> 00:15:59,127 Speaker 3: and respond to it. But TikTok is telling me that 291 00:15:59,407 --> 00:16:02,247 Speaker 3: what parents should be doing is spending time alone every 292 00:16:02,287 --> 00:16:05,167 Speaker 3: day in silence to name the emotion so that we 293 00:16:05,207 --> 00:16:07,327 Speaker 3: know what the emotion is. Because we must be regulating 294 00:16:07,647 --> 00:16:09,767 Speaker 3: and then we're going to walk out. And I'm never 295 00:16:09,807 --> 00:16:13,127 Speaker 3: ever lose my shit or like ever feel overwhelmed. And 296 00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:15,527 Speaker 3: I've had this with eating my You know, our battle 297 00:16:15,647 --> 00:16:18,327 Speaker 3: is Luna being fussy. You're not meant to use that word. 298 00:16:18,327 --> 00:16:20,047 Speaker 3: Fuck it, she's fussy anyway. 299 00:16:20,127 --> 00:16:22,047 Speaker 1: She's not listening, Jesse, She's not listening. 300 00:16:22,127 --> 00:16:24,207 Speaker 3: She can be quite picky, right and then not everyone, 301 00:16:24,247 --> 00:16:28,087 Speaker 3: but some experts will say it's your energy because you're 302 00:16:28,127 --> 00:16:31,567 Speaker 3: coming to the dinner wanting her to eat her vegetables 303 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:32,647 Speaker 3: and she's picking up on that. 304 00:16:32,887 --> 00:16:33,847 Speaker 2: Are you a picky eater? 305 00:16:34,287 --> 00:16:36,487 Speaker 3: Yes? Or I was as a kid. I don't think 306 00:16:36,487 --> 00:16:41,127 Speaker 3: it's exactly. She's just like, this is in my nature. 307 00:16:41,247 --> 00:16:43,327 Speaker 3: This texture is weird, and I'm like, I agree, the 308 00:16:43,367 --> 00:16:46,367 Speaker 3: textu is weird. But I'm worried that we've then got 309 00:16:46,367 --> 00:16:49,447 Speaker 3: this generation of parents that are walking around every time 310 00:16:49,447 --> 00:16:51,327 Speaker 3: they lose their shit, every time, they raise their voice 311 00:16:51,327 --> 00:16:55,087 Speaker 3: every time, which ideally we don't do, of course, but 312 00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:58,407 Speaker 3: that every negative thing that happens with our child is 313 00:16:59,167 --> 00:17:02,847 Speaker 3: our fault. Like that's a ridiculous thing to expect of ourselves. 314 00:17:02,887 --> 00:17:05,687 Speaker 2: I think a big one as well is parents not 315 00:17:05,927 --> 00:17:09,607 Speaker 2: crying in front of their kids. Yeah, because I remember 316 00:17:09,607 --> 00:17:11,687 Speaker 2: I grew up without my parents ever crying in front 317 00:17:11,727 --> 00:17:14,087 Speaker 2: of me until my dad's parents passed away, and I 318 00:17:14,127 --> 00:17:16,527 Speaker 2: saw my dad cry for the first time, and it 319 00:17:16,647 --> 00:17:20,367 Speaker 2: really weirded me out, Like I genuinely and I was nineteen, 320 00:17:20,527 --> 00:17:22,807 Speaker 2: but I genuinely thought my dad didn't have that emotion. 321 00:17:23,287 --> 00:17:25,087 Speaker 3: How did it change how you saw him? Do you think, 322 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,527 Speaker 3: like in a positive or a negative way? 323 00:17:26,687 --> 00:17:30,007 Speaker 2: So positive, like so vulnerable, And I think even after 324 00:17:30,047 --> 00:17:32,967 Speaker 2: that he became more vulnerable with me, my sister. But 325 00:17:33,007 --> 00:17:35,127 Speaker 2: I think it had to take both of us becoming 326 00:17:35,167 --> 00:17:36,567 Speaker 2: adults for him to do that. 327 00:17:37,047 --> 00:17:39,127 Speaker 1: I think the answer to this is where you were 328 00:17:39,207 --> 00:17:43,087 Speaker 1: Jesse about like not pathologizing what is actually just very 329 00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:46,207 Speaker 1: reasonable behavior, because if you're the parent of a kid 330 00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:50,487 Speaker 1: who really struggles with emotional dysregulation, you learn tactics and tools, 331 00:17:50,527 --> 00:17:52,927 Speaker 1: just as you were describing as an adult, Jesse, to 332 00:17:53,047 --> 00:17:55,567 Speaker 1: help them emotionally regulate. And it can be a lot 333 00:17:55,607 --> 00:17:59,887 Speaker 1: of work, right, But in average everyday life, aiming for 334 00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:04,367 Speaker 1: constant regulation, I think can lead you to a dangerous place. 335 00:18:04,367 --> 00:18:06,487 Speaker 1: And I think even this week in the issue that 336 00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:09,327 Speaker 1: shall not be named, I think the thing of like 337 00:18:10,287 --> 00:18:13,247 Speaker 1: that thing I'm looking at makes me angry and upset, 338 00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:16,007 Speaker 1: and so I'm going to not look at it, which 339 00:18:16,047 --> 00:18:19,327 Speaker 1: is a very reasonable response, can sometimes just put you 340 00:18:19,367 --> 00:18:21,647 Speaker 1: further and further in your echo chamber, you know, Like 341 00:18:21,727 --> 00:18:24,127 Speaker 1: what we actually should be aiming for. I do think 342 00:18:24,207 --> 00:18:28,047 Speaker 1: I aim for emotional regulation, because I've been thinking this week. 343 00:18:28,327 --> 00:18:31,407 Speaker 1: What I should be aiming for is clear eyed, cool 344 00:18:31,487 --> 00:18:36,847 Speaker 1: headed responses to things. Because everybody wants us angry. Everybody 345 00:18:36,887 --> 00:18:39,407 Speaker 1: wants us in a state of big feelings because it's 346 00:18:39,447 --> 00:18:42,727 Speaker 1: exciting for content, whether that's on TikTok jesse as you're 347 00:18:42,767 --> 00:18:46,127 Speaker 1: talking about, or whether that's you know, in debates is true, 348 00:18:46,567 --> 00:18:50,367 Speaker 1: So everybody is constantly rage baiting us. I think it's 349 00:18:50,367 --> 00:18:53,207 Speaker 1: a good thing to aim for to not take that 350 00:18:53,407 --> 00:18:56,567 Speaker 1: and keep hold of your regulation, but not entirely turn away. 351 00:18:56,847 --> 00:18:57,607 Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? 352 00:18:57,727 --> 00:18:59,607 Speaker 3: Yeah, In case. 353 00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:02,847 Speaker 1: You missit, friends, your vagina wants to alert you to 354 00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:03,967 Speaker 1: the change of season. 355 00:19:04,087 --> 00:19:05,047 Speaker 3: That's what it's doing. 356 00:19:05,407 --> 00:19:09,567 Speaker 1: Yes, Because there have been a few articles popping up 357 00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:13,247 Speaker 1: on the Internet from the Northern Hemisphere lately saying prepare yourself, 358 00:19:13,247 --> 00:19:18,327 Speaker 1: it's winter vagina time. I'm like fine, what Then I 359 00:19:18,367 --> 00:19:21,287 Speaker 1: was like, well, it's not winter vagina here. And apparently 360 00:19:21,287 --> 00:19:24,327 Speaker 1: what winter vagina is, by the way, is dryness here. 361 00:19:24,527 --> 00:19:27,047 Speaker 1: It's some of vagina, and we have a different issue, 362 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,247 Speaker 1: and so you need to make sure you prep for 363 00:19:29,287 --> 00:19:31,287 Speaker 1: some of vagina. What your vagina wants you to know 364 00:19:31,447 --> 00:19:36,207 Speaker 1: is where natural fibers down there. Please give me a 365 00:19:36,247 --> 00:19:38,927 Speaker 1: little gentle wash a little more often. Take care of 366 00:19:38,967 --> 00:19:44,887 Speaker 1: me because the season has changed. And I want you 367 00:19:44,967 --> 00:19:49,567 Speaker 1: to notice. Now, why are people talking about vaginas and seasons. 368 00:19:49,607 --> 00:19:53,807 Speaker 2: I don't know. I had winter vagina my entire life. 369 00:19:55,007 --> 00:19:56,607 Speaker 2: My vagina's never seen the summer. 370 00:19:58,287 --> 00:20:02,127 Speaker 1: Your china refuses to do summer. It's a winter girly. 371 00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:06,407 Speaker 3: I was just thinking, I think all of our vaginas 372 00:20:06,407 --> 00:20:08,207 Speaker 3: are getting a bit glowy. Do you know maybe a 373 00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,567 Speaker 3: little bit of sunlight got it? Put your SBF on 374 00:20:10,607 --> 00:20:14,407 Speaker 3: your vagina. If you're gonna put it out, that's important. 375 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,327 Speaker 2: Vaginas well. 376 00:20:15,407 --> 00:20:17,807 Speaker 3: We might be if some is coming. Look, I have 377 00:20:17,927 --> 00:20:21,247 Speaker 3: never noticed a difference in my vagina season to season. 378 00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:25,207 Speaker 3: I don't think do we hear it out more in summer. 379 00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:28,807 Speaker 2: I've been given a product for my vagina recently, Oh 380 00:20:28,887 --> 00:20:34,487 Speaker 2: is it seasonal? It wasn't oil, but it promised hydrating, plumping, brightening. 381 00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:36,647 Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure it was a hyaluronic acid, but it 382 00:20:36,647 --> 00:20:38,527 Speaker 2: definitely was for my vagina. I feel like it also 383 00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:41,127 Speaker 2: has a perfume to it. It's quite dangerous. 384 00:20:41,447 --> 00:20:43,567 Speaker 3: All of that sounds like it's fucking with your pH 385 00:20:43,607 --> 00:20:45,007 Speaker 3: and you're going to come in tomorrow and you're going 386 00:20:45,047 --> 00:20:47,327 Speaker 3: to go I think I have bacterial vaginosis and we're 387 00:20:47,327 --> 00:20:49,647 Speaker 3: going to go. M it's because of the hyaluronic acid 388 00:20:49,687 --> 00:20:51,287 Speaker 3: you're putting all around your bits. 389 00:20:51,407 --> 00:20:52,247 Speaker 2: I knew it better. 390 00:20:52,247 --> 00:20:52,887 Speaker 3: It'll look good. 391 00:20:53,007 --> 00:20:56,047 Speaker 1: I think it will. I think they're having an out 392 00:20:56,087 --> 00:20:58,047 Speaker 1: of season vagina is the least of our worries at 393 00:20:58,087 --> 00:21:09,447 Speaker 1: the moment. It's recommendations friends, and look, Jesse and I 394 00:21:09,487 --> 00:21:12,127 Speaker 1: wanted to recommend a TV show to you. You might 395 00:21:12,127 --> 00:21:14,367 Speaker 1: be watching it. It's called The Diplomat. It's on Netflix 396 00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:16,367 Speaker 1: because we both really like it. But then when we 397 00:21:16,407 --> 00:21:18,807 Speaker 1: got together and discussed it, we realized we can't in 398 00:21:18,847 --> 00:21:21,407 Speaker 1: all good conscience recommend it because we've got no idea 399 00:21:21,407 --> 00:21:22,247 Speaker 1: what's happening in it? 400 00:21:22,287 --> 00:21:23,047 Speaker 2: Is that correct, Jesse? 401 00:21:23,527 --> 00:21:26,127 Speaker 3: I'm on episode three and Loca and I just and look, 402 00:21:26,167 --> 00:21:29,767 Speaker 3: there's a lot of conversation because it's who's Lenkov, Who's Ronnie? 403 00:21:29,847 --> 00:21:31,367 Speaker 3: Who's what the fuck are any of these people? 404 00:21:31,407 --> 00:21:32,327 Speaker 2: Are you still watching it? 405 00:21:32,687 --> 00:21:36,127 Speaker 3: Yes, because I loved season one, but there's been two 406 00:21:36,207 --> 00:21:39,487 Speaker 3: big a gap between season one and season two. Watch 407 00:21:39,527 --> 00:21:42,407 Speaker 3: the trailer. Still don't understand what's happening. At one point, 408 00:21:42,407 --> 00:21:44,727 Speaker 3: I imagine it'll be like riding a bike and I'll 409 00:21:44,727 --> 00:21:47,607 Speaker 3: be back on. Still not totally there, but I really 410 00:21:47,687 --> 00:21:49,687 Speaker 3: like Kerry Russell soa acting. 411 00:21:49,967 --> 00:21:52,207 Speaker 1: I think that the problem here is Kerry Russell, and 412 00:21:52,247 --> 00:21:54,407 Speaker 1: she's great in this. I love her messy hair, I 413 00:21:55,127 --> 00:21:57,567 Speaker 1: love all that. I love how they signal like busy 414 00:21:57,567 --> 00:22:00,327 Speaker 1: woman doesn't sleep much with like messy hair and not 415 00:22:00,447 --> 00:22:04,247 Speaker 1: very much lipstick. But she thinks we're smarter than we are. 416 00:22:04,527 --> 00:22:07,767 Speaker 1: That's the problem here. So anyway, what I'm actually recommending 417 00:22:08,607 --> 00:22:11,207 Speaker 1: is a blush, because hey, I feel like that's what 418 00:22:11,327 --> 00:22:15,527 Speaker 1: this week I can handle. So I love a blush, right, 419 00:22:15,567 --> 00:22:17,887 Speaker 1: And I'm sure that sometimes I put too much on them. Friends, 420 00:22:17,887 --> 00:22:19,287 Speaker 1: it would be fine with me if you told me 421 00:22:19,327 --> 00:22:22,687 Speaker 1: when I heard that. But this week I'm using this 422 00:22:22,767 --> 00:22:26,687 Speaker 1: new blusher from by a brand called Flaviido, and it's 423 00:22:26,727 --> 00:22:33,007 Speaker 1: called Dewy Tint Somemmer vagina would love, but it's anyway. 424 00:22:33,087 --> 00:22:34,727 Speaker 1: The reason why it's good because you're like a blush 425 00:22:34,767 --> 00:22:36,727 Speaker 1: is a blushes a blusher. The reason why it is 426 00:22:36,727 --> 00:22:39,167 Speaker 1: a bit dewy but not sparkly because that would be bad. 427 00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:41,727 Speaker 1: But also what's really good about it is it comes 428 00:22:41,767 --> 00:22:44,087 Speaker 1: in these cool little tins that A look good and 429 00:22:44,127 --> 00:22:46,447 Speaker 1: B have no plastic, and I'm really into them. 430 00:22:46,487 --> 00:22:46,767 Speaker 3: Now. 431 00:22:47,047 --> 00:22:50,527 Speaker 1: It's got a sheer glow. They say layer it for drama. 432 00:22:50,607 --> 00:22:52,367 Speaker 1: I'm like, I layer it because I have no idea 433 00:22:52,407 --> 00:22:54,087 Speaker 1: how much I should put on until I can see 434 00:22:54,127 --> 00:22:55,367 Speaker 1: it in the camera of my phone. 435 00:22:55,487 --> 00:22:57,447 Speaker 2: They're quite pigmented. I've used one, are they? 436 00:22:57,487 --> 00:23:00,847 Speaker 3: Because I've used a few. I'm into a powder blush 437 00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:03,327 Speaker 3: at the moment, but when I've used the cream one, 438 00:23:03,407 --> 00:23:05,327 Speaker 3: sometimes I feel like it just disappears into my skin 439 00:23:05,407 --> 00:23:06,847 Speaker 3: and I've got to keep reapplying all day. 440 00:23:06,887 --> 00:23:09,887 Speaker 2: Do you put powder on top after? Maybe you need 441 00:23:09,927 --> 00:23:10,287 Speaker 2: to said it. 442 00:23:11,287 --> 00:23:13,607 Speaker 1: I don't do that either, So okay, let's just imagine 443 00:23:13,607 --> 00:23:14,927 Speaker 1: that all my blush is gone. 444 00:23:14,687 --> 00:23:16,727 Speaker 2: By that we're setting up powders. We're setting out. 445 00:23:16,567 --> 00:23:20,607 Speaker 1: Anyway, So that is my recommendation. They are not that cheap, 446 00:23:20,647 --> 00:23:23,167 Speaker 1: but they last a long time cream blushes always do 447 00:23:23,247 --> 00:23:25,447 Speaker 1: in my experience, and they come in these cool little 448 00:23:25,487 --> 00:23:27,647 Speaker 1: tins and you can get refills for them. I think 449 00:23:27,887 --> 00:23:29,567 Speaker 1: they're about forty four dollars. You can get a bit 450 00:23:29,567 --> 00:23:33,327 Speaker 1: of Sephora or online. It's flaorido dewy tint that is 451 00:23:33,367 --> 00:23:36,207 Speaker 1: distracting me and giving me joy today. What about you, 452 00:23:36,527 --> 00:23:37,327 Speaker 1: m you go next? 453 00:23:37,767 --> 00:23:42,807 Speaker 2: I am recommending a stand up comedian, slash influencer, slash creator. 454 00:23:43,087 --> 00:23:46,527 Speaker 2: Her name is Hope Woodard, and I interviewed her recently 455 00:23:46,647 --> 00:23:49,447 Speaker 2: for a cover story at Mama Mia about the boy 456 00:23:49,607 --> 00:23:51,927 Speaker 2: sober movement. Have you heard of this, y'all? 457 00:23:51,967 --> 00:23:54,607 Speaker 4: Now, I'm going boy sober for a year, which means 458 00:23:54,647 --> 00:23:59,487 Speaker 4: no dating, no romance, no nothing for a full year. 459 00:23:59,967 --> 00:24:01,487 Speaker 4: And I was thinking today I did sort of have 460 00:24:01,527 --> 00:24:02,047 Speaker 4: the realization. 461 00:24:02,127 --> 00:24:05,087 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I don't know, this actually might 462 00:24:05,127 --> 00:24:06,047 Speaker 1: be a lifetime thing. 463 00:24:06,327 --> 00:24:08,967 Speaker 2: It's been theorized that it's a catalyst for so many 464 00:24:09,007 --> 00:24:11,767 Speaker 2: women in the early twenties to mid twenties going celibate. 465 00:24:11,847 --> 00:24:14,527 Speaker 2: It's like a modern form of celibacy, and it's not 466 00:24:14,607 --> 00:24:17,767 Speaker 2: just sex. They're giving up dating and men in general. 467 00:24:18,487 --> 00:24:21,887 Speaker 2: And she was talking about dating in a really interesting 468 00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:24,527 Speaker 2: way she was talking about how dating has become so 469 00:24:24,727 --> 00:24:28,207 Speaker 2: accessible right now with dating apps and being able to 470 00:24:28,247 --> 00:24:30,687 Speaker 2: go out all the time that she said that she 471 00:24:30,767 --> 00:24:34,327 Speaker 2: started comparing dating to kind of drinking, and she felt 472 00:24:34,367 --> 00:24:37,727 Speaker 2: like she was forming a sort of like addiction to it, 473 00:24:38,167 --> 00:24:40,767 Speaker 2: and she realized she was getting into these unhealthy patterns 474 00:24:40,767 --> 00:24:44,087 Speaker 2: of constantly being in situationships and dating people but not 475 00:24:44,087 --> 00:24:46,807 Speaker 2: really putting herself all in there. So she decided to 476 00:24:46,807 --> 00:24:48,647 Speaker 2: take a full break from it. And I think she's 477 00:24:48,647 --> 00:24:51,847 Speaker 2: been boy sober for about a year. And then I 478 00:24:51,927 --> 00:24:54,367 Speaker 2: interviewed all these other women who and they're all like 479 00:24:54,447 --> 00:24:57,807 Speaker 2: women under the age of twenty seven who have all 480 00:24:57,847 --> 00:24:59,087 Speaker 2: just decided to give up dating. 481 00:24:59,327 --> 00:25:01,807 Speaker 3: Well that's funny because we were both at Dolly Alderton 482 00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:04,127 Speaker 3: the other night and she was speaking about the year 483 00:25:04,167 --> 00:25:06,847 Speaker 3: that she stopped dating and how that was like a 484 00:25:06,927 --> 00:25:10,287 Speaker 3: reset for her. I think a psychologist that she do it. 485 00:25:10,607 --> 00:25:13,167 Speaker 3: She said an interesting thing, which is that when dating 486 00:25:13,207 --> 00:25:15,767 Speaker 3: apps were set up for men, they thought it was 487 00:25:15,767 --> 00:25:18,127 Speaker 3: a hookup app, and for women they thought they were 488 00:25:18,127 --> 00:25:20,807 Speaker 3: going there for a relationship, and it's been this mammoth 489 00:25:20,887 --> 00:25:24,087 Speaker 3: miscommunication and that was exactly my experience. I was like, 490 00:25:24,527 --> 00:25:27,847 Speaker 3: I think we both fundamentally misunderstand what this app is about, 491 00:25:27,927 --> 00:25:29,567 Speaker 3: which has caused a lot of issues. 492 00:25:29,647 --> 00:25:32,287 Speaker 2: Yeah, I just find it like, in my head, going 493 00:25:32,447 --> 00:25:35,767 Speaker 2: boy sober feels like a very brave thing to do, 494 00:25:36,407 --> 00:25:39,367 Speaker 2: because I always thought that if I'd stopped dating, then 495 00:25:39,407 --> 00:25:40,687 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm wasting time. 496 00:25:40,967 --> 00:25:43,967 Speaker 3: Yeah, and everyone always says it's on you. You've got 497 00:25:43,967 --> 00:25:46,247 Speaker 3: to put yourself out there more and then it'll happen 498 00:25:46,247 --> 00:25:49,367 Speaker 3: when you least expect it. It's really annoying, and. 499 00:25:49,367 --> 00:25:51,727 Speaker 1: I have to take you aside. We had this conversation 500 00:25:51,887 --> 00:25:54,087 Speaker 1: last week, but I have to take your side and 501 00:25:54,127 --> 00:25:56,927 Speaker 1: tell you you've got to stop thinking there's a destination 502 00:25:57,087 --> 00:25:59,687 Speaker 1: that you're getting towards friends, because you're like, I'm wasting 503 00:25:59,727 --> 00:26:01,847 Speaker 1: time if I'm not dating, what are you wasting time from? 504 00:26:02,207 --> 00:26:03,887 Speaker 2: Wasting time from like dating? 505 00:26:05,087 --> 00:26:09,087 Speaker 1: Anyway, we'll have a session out, We'll have a session. Friend. 506 00:26:09,327 --> 00:26:11,407 Speaker 1: I like the term boy sober is good. 507 00:26:11,727 --> 00:26:14,687 Speaker 2: Yes, So I highly recommend following Hope Boarder. She's so funny, 508 00:26:14,727 --> 00:26:17,407 Speaker 2: but she speaks so honestly about going boy soap and 509 00:26:17,447 --> 00:26:19,687 Speaker 2: it's slightly convincing me. Not really, but she will. 510 00:26:19,767 --> 00:26:22,647 Speaker 1: Jesse Stevens recommendation from you my friend. 511 00:26:22,847 --> 00:26:27,607 Speaker 3: I have a recommendation for a gradual tanning lotion. Look, 512 00:26:27,647 --> 00:26:28,807 Speaker 3: I've always loved my SBF. 513 00:26:28,807 --> 00:26:29,887 Speaker 2: That's the old school gradual. 514 00:26:30,087 --> 00:26:33,447 Speaker 3: It is right, And this year, more than ever, I 515 00:26:33,487 --> 00:26:36,607 Speaker 3: have just been, you know, very militant with my Sun's 516 00:26:36,607 --> 00:26:41,047 Speaker 3: screen application, and it is no Sun because of prior experiences. Anyway, 517 00:26:41,087 --> 00:26:45,527 Speaker 3: gradual tanning lotion, I think on average terrible, terrible product, 518 00:26:45,847 --> 00:26:50,367 Speaker 3: streaky yellow, bad, and so I've had to use like 519 00:26:51,047 --> 00:26:53,567 Speaker 3: quite hectic. I use like a Bondi Sands, you know, 520 00:26:53,607 --> 00:26:56,887 Speaker 3: one hour express. Usually firstly it's an investment. You kind 521 00:26:56,887 --> 00:26:58,367 Speaker 3: of got to walk around your underwear for a bit, 522 00:26:58,567 --> 00:27:01,047 Speaker 3: and then Luna grabs my leg and then Luna's got 523 00:27:01,127 --> 00:27:04,447 Speaker 3: orange hands, and it's like, baby, yeah, it's probably got 524 00:27:04,567 --> 00:27:07,847 Speaker 3: chemicals in it. She shouldn't be. Anyway, I have finally 525 00:27:07,887 --> 00:27:10,487 Speaker 3: found a gradual tanning lotion that works. It is called 526 00:27:10,687 --> 00:27:14,927 Speaker 3: Bondi Sands Pure Gradual Tanning Lotion, and it's nineteen ninety five. 527 00:27:15,127 --> 00:27:17,007 Speaker 3: The reason I love it is that it's not that 528 00:27:17,167 --> 00:27:20,567 Speaker 3: yellowy color because I'm very very fair and I don't 529 00:27:20,567 --> 00:27:23,047 Speaker 3: want to look tanned. I just want to take the 530 00:27:23,207 --> 00:27:24,207 Speaker 3: edge off the purple. 531 00:27:24,447 --> 00:27:26,887 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I want a nice glow. Yes, I just 532 00:27:26,927 --> 00:27:27,287 Speaker 2: want a. 533 00:27:27,527 --> 00:27:30,367 Speaker 3: Glow that makes me look like I have been, you know, 534 00:27:30,487 --> 00:27:34,007 Speaker 3: outside at all in the last five years. Unfortunately, it 535 00:27:34,087 --> 00:27:35,447 Speaker 3: is very true that you've got to put a little 536 00:27:35,447 --> 00:27:37,967 Speaker 3: bit of moisturizer on before you do it. I've always 537 00:27:37,967 --> 00:27:39,207 Speaker 3: heard that and I've been like, no, I'm going to 538 00:27:39,247 --> 00:27:41,167 Speaker 3: cut corners and then I've got my orange knees. 539 00:27:41,207 --> 00:27:43,167 Speaker 2: How long does it take a whole day? 540 00:27:43,367 --> 00:27:45,367 Speaker 3: So what I do now is I'll do a bit 541 00:27:45,367 --> 00:27:50,327 Speaker 3: of moisturizer after the shower, put on my gradual tanning lotion, 542 00:27:51,007 --> 00:27:52,687 Speaker 3: put my pajamas on straight away, and jump in a 543 00:27:52,687 --> 00:27:55,247 Speaker 3: bit and literally sleep with it. It doesn't leave any 544 00:27:55,287 --> 00:27:58,207 Speaker 3: marks on the sheets, it doesn't smell like anything. I 545 00:27:58,247 --> 00:28:00,327 Speaker 3: don't wake up with a shock. If I want to 546 00:28:00,327 --> 00:28:02,607 Speaker 3: put it on the next day, I can. It's not 547 00:28:02,687 --> 00:28:05,247 Speaker 3: this investment that like, I need to clean my sheets 548 00:28:05,247 --> 00:28:07,527 Speaker 3: the next day. So I'm very, very into this Bondi 549 00:28:07,607 --> 00:28:11,127 Speaker 3: Sands Pure Gradual Tanning Lotion. After the break, the hangover 550 00:28:11,167 --> 00:28:13,447 Speaker 3: from hell and a very grumpy baby. It is our 551 00:28:13,647 --> 00:28:15,527 Speaker 3: best and worst. 552 00:28:16,567 --> 00:28:17,167 Speaker 2: Out loud as. 553 00:28:17,167 --> 00:28:18,927 Speaker 1: If you want to listen to us every day of 554 00:28:18,967 --> 00:28:21,527 Speaker 1: the week, and why wouldn't you? You can get access 555 00:28:21,567 --> 00:28:25,287 Speaker 1: to exclusive segments on Tuesdays and Thursdays by becoming a 556 00:28:25,327 --> 00:28:28,527 Speaker 1: MoMA mea subscriber. Follow the link in the show notes 557 00:28:28,567 --> 00:28:31,447 Speaker 1: to subscribe, and a big thank you to all our 558 00:28:31,527 --> 00:28:41,447 Speaker 1: current subscribers. 559 00:28:42,287 --> 00:28:44,607 Speaker 2: It's time for Best and Worse. This is the part 560 00:28:44,687 --> 00:28:46,967 Speaker 2: of the show where we share a little more from 561 00:28:47,127 --> 00:28:50,567 Speaker 2: our personal lives. Holly, what is your worst this week? 562 00:28:50,887 --> 00:28:53,887 Speaker 1: My worst this week is that we lost Brent Stad 563 00:28:54,207 --> 00:28:58,927 Speaker 1: this week, so a big family loss but is the 564 00:28:58,927 --> 00:29:03,687 Speaker 1: wrong word, But also it's been a while coming. Brents 565 00:29:03,727 --> 00:29:07,967 Speaker 1: dad was eighty nine, he was unwell for a while. 566 00:29:08,127 --> 00:29:11,847 Speaker 1: It's been a really difficult process obviously for Brent and 567 00:29:11,847 --> 00:29:15,567 Speaker 1: his family. He lives in New Zealand, so that distance 568 00:29:15,607 --> 00:29:18,047 Speaker 1: has also been difficult, and Brent's been back and forward 569 00:29:18,087 --> 00:29:21,727 Speaker 1: lots of times in this last few months to this 570 00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:25,007 Speaker 1: awful dance that I know a lot of our listeners 571 00:29:25,087 --> 00:29:27,887 Speaker 1: do of the timing of those kind of trips, being like, 572 00:29:28,047 --> 00:29:30,047 Speaker 1: is this the time I'm saying goodbye? Am I going 573 00:29:30,127 --> 00:29:32,047 Speaker 1: to get there in time? All of those things? So 574 00:29:32,167 --> 00:29:34,887 Speaker 1: it's been very difficult. But I also just wanted to 575 00:29:34,967 --> 00:29:39,327 Speaker 1: say the thing about that is perspective, as we all know, 576 00:29:39,567 --> 00:29:44,087 Speaker 1: but also I think that even when you know a 577 00:29:44,127 --> 00:29:48,287 Speaker 1: loss is coming like that, there is something so world 578 00:29:48,447 --> 00:29:52,607 Speaker 1: upending about losing a parent. And as you get older 579 00:29:52,647 --> 00:29:56,367 Speaker 1: and you move into obviously some people lose parents are 580 00:29:56,487 --> 00:29:59,487 Speaker 1: tragically young ages, and that is so much more life 581 00:29:59,527 --> 00:30:01,487 Speaker 1: up ending because this is the natural order of things 582 00:30:01,487 --> 00:30:04,087 Speaker 1: and it's going to happen to everybody, and at the 583 00:30:04,167 --> 00:30:07,367 Speaker 1: ages that Brent and his siblings are is very common, 584 00:30:07,687 --> 00:30:11,247 Speaker 1: but it's still an absolute jolting shock. So obviously my 585 00:30:11,367 --> 00:30:13,567 Speaker 1: family is dealing with that, but also just to all 586 00:30:13,607 --> 00:30:16,647 Speaker 1: the out louders out there who are wrestling with grief, 587 00:30:16,767 --> 00:30:20,007 Speaker 1: I don't think there's ever like a good way for 588 00:30:20,087 --> 00:30:20,567 Speaker 1: it to go. 589 00:30:20,847 --> 00:30:24,047 Speaker 3: I was thinking about Brent this week, too, Holly, because 590 00:30:24,047 --> 00:30:29,247 Speaker 3: there's something as well about having lost both. No matter 591 00:30:29,247 --> 00:30:32,847 Speaker 3: what age you are, there's this connection to your history 592 00:30:32,847 --> 00:30:35,687 Speaker 3: and your childhood and this safety that you get from 593 00:30:35,727 --> 00:30:38,367 Speaker 3: your parents, and I just I'm really thinking of it. 594 00:30:38,367 --> 00:30:40,607 Speaker 1: It's true. And one of my friends who's been through 595 00:30:40,687 --> 00:30:43,287 Speaker 1: the same thing, she called me yesterday, and people are 596 00:30:43,287 --> 00:30:45,927 Speaker 1: so wise and wonderful, and she said he will be 597 00:30:45,967 --> 00:30:49,167 Speaker 1: feeling very alone because he's lost both his parents, Like 598 00:30:49,247 --> 00:30:51,447 Speaker 1: even though he obviously he has his own family, and 599 00:30:51,487 --> 00:30:54,287 Speaker 1: he's a wonderful dad. And I always say to him, 600 00:30:54,287 --> 00:30:56,407 Speaker 1: you know, your dad, be so proud of the dad 601 00:30:56,447 --> 00:30:58,927 Speaker 1: you are. It's true, Jesse. I think that, like being 602 00:30:58,967 --> 00:31:01,087 Speaker 1: an orphan, is not a word that you think of 603 00:31:01,167 --> 00:31:04,167 Speaker 1: for a very grown up man. But it's very difficult. Obviously, 604 00:31:04,167 --> 00:31:06,447 Speaker 1: I'm sending enormous love to my Brent and his family, 605 00:31:06,487 --> 00:31:08,327 Speaker 1: but to any out louders who are dealing with that, 606 00:31:08,487 --> 00:31:12,847 Speaker 1: it is absolentsolutely you know, uppending in many ways. But 607 00:31:13,407 --> 00:31:16,487 Speaker 1: on a more positive note, a wonderful thing that happened 608 00:31:16,527 --> 00:31:18,807 Speaker 1: in my world this week is that Jesse and Claire 609 00:31:18,927 --> 00:31:21,647 Speaker 1: and their babies and their husbands came to visit me 610 00:31:21,687 --> 00:31:22,287 Speaker 1: in my house. 611 00:31:22,327 --> 00:31:28,487 Speaker 3: Down the car saw the veggie garden. 612 00:31:27,447 --> 00:31:29,167 Speaker 1: To take a tour of the veggie garden. Y. 613 00:31:29,327 --> 00:31:33,207 Speaker 3: Yeah, this is my cabbage. This is a tomatow. Wow, Holly, 614 00:31:34,207 --> 00:31:35,207 Speaker 3: look at the tomatoes. 615 00:31:35,287 --> 00:31:38,087 Speaker 1: Appreciate my lettuces. We have to get Mia down. She 616 00:31:38,127 --> 00:31:41,647 Speaker 1: hasn't been down yet. There is something so wonderful about 617 00:31:41,927 --> 00:31:44,487 Speaker 1: your friends seeing your world, and I was so excited 618 00:31:44,487 --> 00:31:46,487 Speaker 1: for them to come. I've said often on this show 619 00:31:46,487 --> 00:31:51,207 Speaker 1: that I don't love visitors. Terrible makes me sound so awful. 620 00:31:51,567 --> 00:31:55,127 Speaker 1: You're like, oh, but like I was so excited for 621 00:31:55,167 --> 00:31:57,567 Speaker 1: them to come, and for the little girls to come, 622 00:31:57,967 --> 00:32:00,687 Speaker 1: like for Luna and Machilda to come, and to play 623 00:32:00,727 --> 00:32:04,087 Speaker 1: with Tuna and my big kids to see them. And 624 00:32:04,127 --> 00:32:07,767 Speaker 1: it really was just a really lovely Saturday afternoon, and 625 00:32:07,807 --> 00:32:09,727 Speaker 1: so thank you for making the effort. I know you 626 00:32:09,727 --> 00:32:13,087 Speaker 1: were in the neighborhood, but come over to the Yellow 627 00:32:13,127 --> 00:32:14,207 Speaker 1: House anytime you want. 628 00:32:14,407 --> 00:32:17,607 Speaker 3: I can't believe that Holly from Gray Sad Manchester ended 629 00:32:17,687 --> 00:32:22,967 Speaker 3: up in a very sunny pocket of idyllic Australia. Look, 630 00:32:23,167 --> 00:32:26,127 Speaker 3: my worst was originally going to be. It was amazing, 631 00:32:26,367 --> 00:32:29,087 Speaker 3: Like I was so looking forward to seeing Holly's place, 632 00:32:29,167 --> 00:32:31,127 Speaker 3: and like we've seen it through podcast records, like we 633 00:32:31,127 --> 00:32:33,727 Speaker 3: always seen the background and like the iconic blue shed 634 00:32:33,887 --> 00:32:36,127 Speaker 3: that we've seen that Holly records her podcastings. I was 635 00:32:36,167 --> 00:32:37,967 Speaker 3: so excited and it was just the loveliest affternoon. 636 00:32:37,967 --> 00:32:40,527 Speaker 2: I'm so jealous because I love seeing Holly on screen 637 00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:42,967 Speaker 2: and my favorite thing is asking her one question about 638 00:32:43,047 --> 00:32:43,647 Speaker 2: the background. 639 00:32:43,767 --> 00:32:49,647 Speaker 3: Yeah, And then we got there, right and Luna, who 640 00:32:49,967 --> 00:32:52,567 Speaker 3: had been fine on the way, just starts screaming and 641 00:32:52,607 --> 00:32:54,607 Speaker 3: we get there and she just loses her shit and 642 00:32:54,727 --> 00:32:57,007 Speaker 3: just won't calm down. I think that she might have 643 00:32:57,087 --> 00:33:00,767 Speaker 3: had a tummy ache or was getting sick, just lost it. 644 00:33:01,087 --> 00:33:02,567 Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, this is such a shame. 645 00:33:02,607 --> 00:33:03,847 Speaker 3: And then I turned to Luca and I was like, 646 00:33:04,127 --> 00:33:05,367 Speaker 3: I guess you're gonna have to take her back to 647 00:33:05,407 --> 00:33:09,367 Speaker 3: the Airbnb. So anyway, Luca left and eyed Apple well. 648 00:33:10,007 --> 00:33:15,207 Speaker 3: But I was like, oh, give her a cuddle from me. 649 00:33:15,567 --> 00:33:18,127 Speaker 3: I thought that was my worst. But then we're at 650 00:33:18,247 --> 00:33:21,167 Speaker 3: Dolly Alderton. Yeah, you're at Dolly Olderton too. I went 651 00:33:21,287 --> 00:33:24,927 Speaker 3: to dinner before and out loud as no, I get shitty, 652 00:33:25,047 --> 00:33:28,127 Speaker 3: shitty periods. And I was sitting there in kind of period. 653 00:33:28,167 --> 00:33:28,647 Speaker 3: Pain came on. 654 00:33:28,767 --> 00:33:30,207 Speaker 2: I took and it was a late night as well. 655 00:33:30,287 --> 00:33:33,127 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I took some medication and then I went, oh, no, 656 00:33:33,407 --> 00:33:35,687 Speaker 3: I'm going to faint at this table, like and I 657 00:33:35,727 --> 00:33:38,687 Speaker 3: was sitting there with friends in this Thai restaurant and 658 00:33:38,887 --> 00:33:42,847 Speaker 3: watching someone faint is really full on because I go 659 00:33:43,247 --> 00:33:46,367 Speaker 3: gray as a ghost eyes roll back, it's almost Yeah, 660 00:33:46,447 --> 00:33:49,687 Speaker 3: it's really really intense. And so luckily Claire was there 661 00:33:50,127 --> 00:33:52,287 Speaker 3: and I was like, I'm gonna faint. I just need 662 00:33:52,287 --> 00:33:54,287 Speaker 3: everyone to act cal but and it's the worst. You 663 00:33:54,327 --> 00:33:55,927 Speaker 3: feel like you're going to die, Like it's the worst 664 00:33:55,967 --> 00:33:58,567 Speaker 3: worst feeling anyway. Fainted at the table and then was 665 00:33:58,607 --> 00:34:00,727 Speaker 3: like nothing's going to stop me. So I did go 666 00:34:00,767 --> 00:34:02,327 Speaker 3: to Dolly. So I thought that was my worst, but 667 00:34:02,407 --> 00:34:08,367 Speaker 3: then today it's been competing all wait. Today, on my 668 00:34:08,407 --> 00:34:10,087 Speaker 3: way in, I got a call. You know, how got 669 00:34:10,087 --> 00:34:13,087 Speaker 3: the skin cans removed? Yeah, other day, as you know, 670 00:34:14,087 --> 00:34:16,167 Speaker 3: as he was removing it, he saw a little mark 671 00:34:16,447 --> 00:34:18,367 Speaker 3: on my forehead that looked like a little pimple and 672 00:34:18,407 --> 00:34:20,887 Speaker 3: he said, look, you're here, I'm just going to biopsy it. 673 00:34:20,887 --> 00:34:23,207 Speaker 3: It's not related to this, but we might as well 674 00:34:23,247 --> 00:34:25,607 Speaker 3: biopsy it while you're here. And I got a call 675 00:34:25,687 --> 00:34:29,727 Speaker 3: to say it is another distinct BCC. Oh, a second 676 00:34:29,807 --> 00:34:32,607 Speaker 3: BCC right to the other one, right next to my 677 00:34:32,647 --> 00:34:34,287 Speaker 3: other one, and like this is a you know, it's 678 00:34:34,287 --> 00:34:37,807 Speaker 3: a significant scar. Luckily this one's smaller, but I'm gonna 679 00:34:37,807 --> 00:34:39,527 Speaker 3: have to get that removed too. 680 00:34:39,727 --> 00:34:44,367 Speaker 1: Jesse screen hats. 681 00:34:43,527 --> 00:34:49,287 Speaker 3: Sunscreen, cove yourself up. Anyway, My best was the weekend 682 00:34:49,327 --> 00:34:52,687 Speaker 3: away in Jaring Gong. We went away with all my 683 00:34:52,767 --> 00:34:55,687 Speaker 3: family Mum, Dad, Rory and Lucra and everything and all 684 00:34:55,687 --> 00:34:59,167 Speaker 3: the little kids and just the hanging out and watching 685 00:34:59,367 --> 00:35:02,287 Speaker 3: Luna get up in the morning and say no, no, no, Naa. 686 00:35:02,327 --> 00:35:03,647 Speaker 3: And they were staying at like there was like a 687 00:35:03,727 --> 00:35:05,967 Speaker 3: room kind of out the back, and she would crawl 688 00:35:06,167 --> 00:35:09,047 Speaker 3: up to the door and be like knock and be 689 00:35:09,087 --> 00:35:12,487 Speaker 3: like no, no, Nana, Nana highlight. Oh my goodness. She just 690 00:35:12,567 --> 00:35:15,327 Speaker 3: loved it. And we got there on the first day 691 00:35:15,607 --> 00:35:17,727 Speaker 3: and it was time for Luna's nap. It was rainy 692 00:35:17,887 --> 00:35:22,207 Speaker 3: in this beautiful, beautiful beach house, and I put Luna 693 00:35:22,247 --> 00:35:24,047 Speaker 3: down for a nap and I was like, I'm going 694 00:35:24,127 --> 00:35:26,167 Speaker 3: to get in the bath and read a book. And 695 00:35:26,207 --> 00:35:27,767 Speaker 3: I got in the bar and read this great book 696 00:35:27,807 --> 00:35:30,767 Speaker 3: and I was like, this is heaven. A four o'clock 697 00:35:30,847 --> 00:35:34,727 Speaker 3: bath with the rain. Heaven. M what was your worst? 698 00:35:35,327 --> 00:35:42,487 Speaker 2: My worst? So mine's also related to I started getting hangovers, 699 00:35:42,527 --> 00:35:45,407 Speaker 2: like it's been a recent thing that's been drink at 700 00:35:45,407 --> 00:35:46,007 Speaker 2: Dolly alder To. 701 00:35:46,327 --> 00:35:47,287 Speaker 3: Everyone got drunk. 702 00:35:47,327 --> 00:35:50,007 Speaker 2: We got because it was the they like, we can't 703 00:35:50,007 --> 00:35:51,207 Speaker 2: talk about, but it. 704 00:35:51,087 --> 00:35:55,087 Speaker 1: Was Sarah and I went the night before when the 705 00:35:55,087 --> 00:35:56,687 Speaker 1: world was still a hopeful. 706 00:35:56,287 --> 00:35:58,767 Speaker 3: Place and it was din start to late thirties. 707 00:35:58,807 --> 00:36:01,407 Speaker 2: Yes we all knew, yeah, but she allowed us to 708 00:36:01,447 --> 00:36:05,047 Speaker 2: do like a big scream at Everything, which was so beautiful. 709 00:36:05,447 --> 00:36:08,007 Speaker 2: Every woman in Sydney was there, so we were all drinking, 710 00:36:08,047 --> 00:36:09,807 Speaker 2: we were all getting around it. I think I had 711 00:36:09,847 --> 00:36:13,327 Speaker 2: about four glasses and usually I'm fine, and then the 712 00:36:13,327 --> 00:36:18,007 Speaker 2: next day I was so dusty, like headache, tired. 713 00:36:18,207 --> 00:36:19,087 Speaker 3: How old are you again? 714 00:36:19,247 --> 00:36:23,007 Speaker 2: Twenty eight? It's starting because every time I get a hangover, 715 00:36:23,087 --> 00:36:26,727 Speaker 2: it's always worse than the last one. It's so bad. 716 00:36:26,847 --> 00:36:28,527 Speaker 1: I just feel So what do you eat when you've 717 00:36:28,527 --> 00:36:29,207 Speaker 1: got a hangover? 718 00:36:29,607 --> 00:36:31,607 Speaker 2: If I wake up early enough, which is rare, it's 719 00:36:31,647 --> 00:36:35,847 Speaker 2: always a McMuffin from Macis with a hash brown. Otherwise 720 00:36:35,887 --> 00:36:37,487 Speaker 2: I'll just go straight fried chicken. 721 00:36:38,007 --> 00:36:40,607 Speaker 3: Yeah, you need something. I heard someone say once it's 722 00:36:40,607 --> 00:36:43,407 Speaker 3: the oil absorbs the alcohol. It doesn't. That's just not true, 723 00:36:43,407 --> 00:36:46,127 Speaker 3: and I will believe it. And I read something once. 724 00:36:46,167 --> 00:36:47,847 Speaker 3: I probably heard it on TikTok that a can of 725 00:36:47,887 --> 00:36:49,127 Speaker 3: coke really does a trick. 726 00:36:49,367 --> 00:36:53,567 Speaker 2: My best though was I went to my first world premiere. 727 00:36:54,127 --> 00:36:56,367 Speaker 2: It was for Wicket and they had it in Sydney 728 00:36:56,407 --> 00:37:00,167 Speaker 2: because we're the land of oz Oh, so the whole 729 00:37:00,287 --> 00:37:03,407 Speaker 2: cast was down. It was absolutely chaotic. They had to 730 00:37:03,407 --> 00:37:06,087 Speaker 2: block streets out people who were invited to the event. 731 00:37:06,167 --> 00:37:08,487 Speaker 2: Couldn't get in because I had to walk around entire blocks. 732 00:37:08,727 --> 00:37:12,687 Speaker 2: But the whole was here. Cynthia Revo, Ariana Grande, Jeff Goldbloom, 733 00:37:12,807 --> 00:37:17,287 Speaker 2: like huge, like so beautiful. Everyone was stunning. The movie 734 00:37:17,847 --> 00:37:21,287 Speaker 2: was I think might be my favorite movie this year. Wow, Okay, 735 00:37:21,647 --> 00:37:22,127 Speaker 2: it's great. 736 00:37:22,407 --> 00:37:24,287 Speaker 1: I've seen lots of people crying about it them. I 737 00:37:24,327 --> 00:37:24,927 Speaker 1: don't even. 738 00:37:24,807 --> 00:37:26,647 Speaker 3: Understand why are people crying about it? 739 00:37:26,767 --> 00:37:29,087 Speaker 2: I cried. So have you watched the musical Wicked? 740 00:37:29,807 --> 00:37:33,207 Speaker 3: Yes, and I liked it, but I don't get the 741 00:37:33,247 --> 00:37:35,127 Speaker 3: emotional out. I think I'm missing something. 742 00:37:35,167 --> 00:37:36,807 Speaker 2: I was the same. I watched it when I was 743 00:37:37,007 --> 00:37:41,207 Speaker 2: probably like twenty two twenty three, liked it, had fun. 744 00:37:41,367 --> 00:37:43,767 Speaker 2: Wizard of Oz is my favorite movie, so I enjoyed Wicked, 745 00:37:43,847 --> 00:37:45,647 Speaker 2: but I wasn't like a die hard fan as a 746 00:37:45,647 --> 00:37:49,407 Speaker 2: lot of people are. But watching this movie, I cried 747 00:37:49,447 --> 00:37:51,327 Speaker 2: three times. Two of the times was like a tear 748 00:37:51,407 --> 00:37:53,687 Speaker 2: up moment, and one time was a visible sob like 749 00:37:54,247 --> 00:37:56,527 Speaker 2: my row was shaking. But everyone was crying, so it 750 00:37:56,567 --> 00:37:59,967 Speaker 2: was fine. I've never seen chemistry portrayed in a way 751 00:38:00,687 --> 00:38:03,687 Speaker 2: like that ever in my life. And it was between 752 00:38:03,687 --> 00:38:06,047 Speaker 2: two female leads and it was a platonic relationship and 753 00:38:06,087 --> 00:38:10,647 Speaker 2: the chemistry was outstanding. It was so so beautiful that 754 00:38:10,847 --> 00:38:13,927 Speaker 2: watching these two friendships happen, and if you watch the 755 00:38:14,007 --> 00:38:15,687 Speaker 2: musical you will know what happens. By watching these two 756 00:38:15,687 --> 00:38:20,607 Speaker 2: friendships come together was so beautiful and so emotional that 757 00:38:20,687 --> 00:38:23,487 Speaker 2: I think every woman in that cinema was just sobbing. 758 00:38:24,047 --> 00:38:25,567 Speaker 3: Oh, I feel like the world needs that right now. 759 00:38:26,087 --> 00:38:27,767 Speaker 3: Do you know when it comes out for all of us? 760 00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:30,167 Speaker 2: It comes out in two weeks? 761 00:38:30,207 --> 00:38:32,127 Speaker 3: Okay, all right, I might have to go say that. 762 00:38:32,407 --> 00:38:35,287 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so good. Recommended to every single person. 763 00:38:35,567 --> 00:38:38,167 Speaker 1: Thank you. Em Did you get to see Ariana Grande 764 00:38:38,247 --> 00:38:38,647 Speaker 1: up close? 765 00:38:38,967 --> 00:38:40,967 Speaker 2: I did get to see. I was walking through because 766 00:38:40,967 --> 00:38:43,087 Speaker 2: the security was really pushing us because we were like 767 00:38:43,167 --> 00:38:44,327 Speaker 2: at the end of the line, but it was their 768 00:38:44,327 --> 00:38:47,007 Speaker 2: fault anyway, whatever, so they weren't really pushing us. And 769 00:38:47,047 --> 00:38:50,047 Speaker 2: I heard this voice going enjoy the movie. Everyone enjoyed 770 00:38:50,047 --> 00:38:51,407 Speaker 2: the movie, and I was like, are they playing Oriana 771 00:38:51,447 --> 00:38:53,447 Speaker 2: Grandy on speaker for all of us to hear. And 772 00:38:53,487 --> 00:38:56,447 Speaker 2: then I see this tiny woman in this big pink 773 00:38:56,527 --> 00:39:00,247 Speaker 2: dress going you all look so beautiful and then they 774 00:39:00,287 --> 00:39:01,767 Speaker 2: guards like move along. I was like, she's telling me 775 00:39:01,767 --> 00:39:04,887 Speaker 2: I look beautiful. Stop it, but yeah, they look so beautiful. 776 00:39:04,927 --> 00:39:06,647 Speaker 2: Cynthia Rivo looked amazing. 777 00:39:07,007 --> 00:39:07,847 Speaker 1: I've seen the pictures. 778 00:39:07,887 --> 00:39:09,087 Speaker 2: Oh my god God. 779 00:39:09,887 --> 00:39:12,047 Speaker 1: Okay, that is all we have time for today and 780 00:39:12,087 --> 00:39:14,967 Speaker 1: this week out loud as we are sending you massive 781 00:39:15,047 --> 00:39:17,207 Speaker 1: love for being with us all week, and thank you, 782 00:39:17,247 --> 00:39:19,087 Speaker 1: of course for listening to today's show. We're going to 783 00:39:19,087 --> 00:39:21,647 Speaker 1: be back in your ears of course on Monday. Jesse 784 00:39:22,127 --> 00:39:22,687 Speaker 1: read this out. 785 00:39:22,887 --> 00:39:26,367 Speaker 3: A big thank you to our team. Executive producer Ruth Devine, 786 00:39:26,407 --> 00:39:29,607 Speaker 3: who appears emotionally regulated, but she says she's a hot 787 00:39:29,647 --> 00:39:34,887 Speaker 3: mess inside hooray for masking Senior producer Emiline Gazillis. She 788 00:39:35,127 --> 00:39:37,207 Speaker 3: is too busy producing. Mum mea out loud to know 789 00:39:37,407 --> 00:39:38,927 Speaker 3: or care if she is emotionally regulated. 790 00:39:39,007 --> 00:39:43,807 Speaker 1: I reckon she is, you are regular, So like she's. 791 00:39:43,647 --> 00:39:46,287 Speaker 3: Yeah, we had a mess of a day US election, 792 00:39:46,647 --> 00:39:49,327 Speaker 3: you know, throwing out episodes and changing and obviously the result. 793 00:39:49,407 --> 00:39:51,687 Speaker 3: And she's just there with her smiling face, and I'm like, 794 00:39:51,847 --> 00:39:55,167 Speaker 3: I need your breathing technique. Yeah. Our audio producer is 795 00:39:55,247 --> 00:39:57,967 Speaker 3: Leah Paorgis, and she aims to be as emotionally regulated 796 00:39:58,007 --> 00:40:00,527 Speaker 3: as much as possible and will tap into her toolkit 797 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:03,567 Speaker 3: to make it happen every day. I've noticed Isabelle Dolphin 798 00:40:03,807 --> 00:40:07,407 Speaker 3: is our social media producer. She is diligently working towards 799 00:40:07,407 --> 00:40:10,007 Speaker 3: repairing her nervous system, one him at a time. I 800 00:40:10,047 --> 00:40:13,687 Speaker 3: find memes they do. And our very talented video producer 801 00:40:13,727 --> 00:40:17,767 Speaker 3: is Josh Green, whose emotional stability is inversely proportional to 802 00:40:17,847 --> 00:40:20,487 Speaker 3: the number of cats in his vicinity. Does that mean 803 00:40:20,527 --> 00:40:23,847 Speaker 3: he needs cats or he doesn't need cats? Oh, because 804 00:40:23,847 --> 00:40:25,367 Speaker 3: it's inversely proportional, because I. 805 00:40:25,327 --> 00:40:26,407 Speaker 2: Don't want to get him a cat and then he 806 00:40:26,487 --> 00:40:27,127 Speaker 2: just freaks out. 807 00:40:28,447 --> 00:40:29,847 Speaker 1: I think he likes cats. 808 00:40:29,927 --> 00:40:36,327 Speaker 3: Okay, bye bye. Shout out to any mum and mea 809 00:40:36,407 --> 00:40:39,247 Speaker 3: subscribers listening. If you love the show and you want 810 00:40:39,247 --> 00:40:42,287 Speaker 3: to support us, subscribing to mma mia is the very 811 00:40:42,327 --> 00:40:44,647 Speaker 3: best way to do so. There's a link in the 812 00:40:44,687 --> 00:40:45,567 Speaker 3: episode description.