WEBVTT - Drunk Parenting Advice With Kel 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.080 We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:10.119 on today. Does that make me petty? It awful potentially, 0:00:10.160 --> 0:00:17.040 but does it make me feel better astronomically? Welcome back 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:21.480 to Eat Sleeve, Shit Repeat, the Wildly Unhinged podcast about 0:00:21.480 --> 0:00:25.480 the madness that is motherhood and everything in between. I'm 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:30.200 Kelly McCarran, and I am writing solo and rule dogging 0:00:30.360 --> 0:00:33.080 the shit out of this episode because I don't even 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.879 have a script. This episode is called Drunk Parenting Advice 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:40.159 with Kel. I've got a large glass of presex. I 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:43.159 don't have to go in for a while. Can hear that? 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:47.760 Hear it twinkling around? And I screenshotted a bunch of 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:53.360 the anonymous questions people want, I guess, unhinged advice to 0:00:54.040 --> 0:00:57.560 all their dilemmas, which you know, to be fair. When 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:01.000 I say like drunk parenting advice or drunk advice, it's 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:02.760 more just like, I'm not going to try to be 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:09.400 really all darling. It's more brutal, big sister, drunk aunt 0:01:09.560 --> 0:01:12.880 vibes advice. I like to say, let's get straight into 0:01:12.920 --> 0:01:15.560 the questions. I just screenshotted a bunch of them and 0:01:15.680 --> 0:01:18.120 I'm gonna just answer them until I'm like, whoa, this 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.880 has been going for far too long, or I'm so 0:01:21.160 --> 0:01:23.280 hissed that i can't go out for dinner because We've 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:25.959 got to go out for dinner after this. So she 0:01:26.120 --> 0:01:30.480 who bottoms up? My sister's best friend told me everything 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:34.119 my sister says about me to her, and it's not nice. 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:37.440 Do I confront my sister? If so? How I have 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:42.600 been stewing on this for months? Oh my goodness and normous. 0:01:42.880 --> 0:01:46.800 That sucks so bad. But the person in the wrong 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:50.200 in this situation is actually your sister's best friend. Your 0:01:50.240 --> 0:01:55.240 sister's best friend sucks, Like, how very dare she tell 0:01:55.360 --> 0:01:58.880 you information that your sister aka her best friend has 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.800 told her in confidence. I'm sorry, but unless it was 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:05.320 a crime or something that literally cannot be forgiven, which 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:07.920 I highly doubt it was, I think she's just said 0:02:07.920 --> 0:02:10.799 something obviously like quite hurtful, which is awful, But she 0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.679 should never have regaled that information to you. I think 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:17.480 that it just says a lot about your sister's best friend. Unfortunately, 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:20.280 you are the one that is winning because your best 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:25.079 friend isn't such a dud. I would never tell like 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:28.080 a friend's sister things that my friend had said to 0:02:28.120 --> 0:02:30.840 me when they were just having a little vent or whatnot. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:33.280 And as if my sister has not called me some 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:35.680 awful things to some of her friends when she hasn't 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:38.880 been a vent like I think that you totally should 0:02:39.160 --> 0:02:41.560 have a conversation with your sister, But I don't think 0:02:41.560 --> 0:02:44.160 you should go in all guns blazing about what she said. 0:02:44.560 --> 0:02:47.280 I think you should just say, hey, just so you know, 0:02:47.720 --> 0:02:50.160 this is what so and so, let's just call her 0:02:50.200 --> 0:02:54.200 Sandra has said to me that you said to her, 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:59.120 and what the fuck? Like ouch? But also she needs 0:02:59.120 --> 0:03:01.000 to know that her best friend's a piece of shit 0:03:01.600 --> 0:03:05.400 like that is just so awful. And I feel kind 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:07.919 of bad for your sister in this situation because she's 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.840 got a real shitty best friend. Maybe you could, even, 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:12.399 I don't know, if you're close to both of them, 0:03:12.720 --> 0:03:15.960 have a chat with both of them and really hash 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:17.720 it out. But I bet at the end of the day, 0:03:17.800 --> 0:03:20.280 your sister doesn't actually think any of those things. I'd say, 0:03:20.280 --> 0:03:23.120 she was just pissed off at you about something, And 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:27.240 like anyone that is a regular human being with siblings, 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:31.120 sometimes we say things that we absolutely do not mean 0:03:31.400 --> 0:03:33.640 but we just say it out of anger, and we 0:03:33.800 --> 0:03:36.640 trust that the person we're venting to isn't going to 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:39.840 repeat that. I think that you just need to chat 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:42.840 to her about it. Also obviously depends on your relationship 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:46.400 with your sister, because I guess maybe you guys aren't 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:50.720 that close, but I feel like sisters should be able 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:53.160 to chat about anything. So next time you're hanging out, 0:03:53.440 --> 0:03:55.280 don't make a huge deal out of it, but definitely 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:56.720 bring it up and just tell her that you've been 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:58.680 stewing on it for a few months. Just be really honest, 0:03:58.680 --> 0:04:01.600 because she wouldn't want you to have hurt feelings. She 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:04.680 wouldn't want you to be stewing on this unless she's 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:06.200 also a piece of shit, and then the two of 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:10.440 them can just rod in hell. Okay, Okay, Next, is 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:14.000 it worth buying new clothes to fit the boobs? Or 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:16.960 do I just wait till I stop breastfeeding to look 0:04:17.000 --> 0:04:19.960 cute again? Okay, Well, I'm going to hold you right there. 0:04:20.240 --> 0:04:22.200 Why you're not cute just because you've got milk ut 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:24.880 of titties. Okay, milk cut of titties are hot, they're 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:28.440 so full. Definitely buy a couple of dresses. Don't spend 0:04:28.480 --> 0:04:30.360 heaps of money, but just buy a couple of dresses 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.680 for your new titties that make you feel hot, because 0:04:32.680 --> 0:04:36.080 I promise you are hot just because you're breastfeeding. You 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:38.640 know what, even when your milk comes out and accidentally 0:04:38.680 --> 0:04:41.080 gets all over the dress, still hot. Who cares, It's 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:44.960 just milk. I think that a full tit full of milk, 0:04:45.080 --> 0:04:48.280 milk of the breast can look quite nice. It's kind 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:53.320 of like nature's breast job, nature's breast augmentation. If you will, 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:56.160 oh my god, this question. How do you keep your 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:57.840 car clean when you have a kid? I swear I'm 0:04:57.839 --> 0:04:59.800 a tidy person, but the car just never cops a clean. 0:05:00.920 --> 0:05:05.599 If someone has a clean car and children, I feel 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:07.640 like I'd get into their car and immediately think they 0:05:07.680 --> 0:05:11.120 are actually just dexter and chopping up bodies for fun 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:13.800 on the weekend, because they must be a sociopath. If 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.320 there is not a little bit of an odor of 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:19.920 old vomit, despite cleaning the vomit up, it's still just odorous, 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:23.200 whether yours or the children. Crumbs everywhere because they snack 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:25.880 and they are disgusting, and they just crumbs end up everywhere. 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:29.840 A couple of crackers under the seat. Just cars. If 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:34.240 you've got a car loving child, If you don't have 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:37.640 things everywhere, no matter how much you do feel like 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:39.919 you're a tidy person, like I said, I think that 0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:43.719 you're probably dexter. Also, I live in my car. My 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:46.919 car is actually awful. I did clean it last weekend 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:48.760 to be fair, but it still has got crumbs everywhere 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:51.480 because they get in there, like it needs a professional 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:54.520 clean to get that shit out. It's kind of disgusting 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.360 and there still is that odor of vomit. I think 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:58.839 that's my fault, though not Lenny's. No one has a 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:00.640 clean car, and if they do, they deck ster. They're 0:06:00.680 --> 0:06:04.440 chopping up people for fun. Thoughts on baby sprinkles, I 0:06:04.480 --> 0:06:07.240 can't stand when people do a sprinkle. I'm all for 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.400 baby showers for the first baby because it's meant to 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.440 set you up as parents. But I think a sprinkle 0:06:11.520 --> 0:06:16.080 is becoming selfish. Will don't go simple as that don't go? Yes, 0:06:16.120 --> 0:06:19.400 it is self indulgent. Who cares If they want to 0:06:19.440 --> 0:06:21.240 do it and they have people that want to go 0:06:21.720 --> 0:06:24.600 and are going to go, then go for gold. And 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.920 they might not be wanting anything as well, Like yes, 0:06:27.960 --> 0:06:30.279 if they've got a register for the second baby. That is, 0:06:30.640 --> 0:06:32.599 it's not selfish, but it's a little bit greedy. But 0:06:32.680 --> 0:06:35.640 maybe they're struggling, although in that case they probably wouldn't 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:37.800 be having the sprinkle in which you put food on 0:06:37.839 --> 0:06:39.760 and whatnot. Maybe they are being a little bit greedy, 0:06:40.080 --> 0:06:42.799 but who cares. Just don't go make up an excuse 0:06:43.520 --> 0:06:44.919 like we all do when we don't want to go 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.080 to something and let other people who want to go 0:06:48.440 --> 0:06:52.159 or to pussy to make up an excuse, go and 0:06:52.320 --> 0:06:55.039 sprinkle the person. It doesn't actually have anything to do 0:06:55.120 --> 0:06:57.960 with you, So it doesn't matter if they want to 0:06:58.000 --> 0:06:59.880 have a couple of different hens parties, if they want 0:06:59.920 --> 0:07:03.559 to have sprinkle after sprinkle after sprinkle and have seven kids. 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:07.600 Who cares? It actually isn't about you. Just have an excuse. 0:07:07.680 --> 0:07:11.280 Don't go got any tips for finding a good balance 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:15.120 for work slash life Slash admin feels like everything is 0:07:15.160 --> 0:07:18.320 happening at once and I'm hardly surviving. I'm certainly not thriving. 0:07:18.520 --> 0:07:21.920 I had to know life admins a third thing, because honestly, 0:07:22.000 --> 0:07:27.000 that's a whole job in itself. I don't think that 0:07:27.720 --> 0:07:30.360 there is such thing as a really good balance well, 0:07:30.400 --> 0:07:32.080 I do, but I think it takes a lot of 0:07:32.120 --> 0:07:34.640 work and a lot of organization, which doesn't come naturally 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:37.320 to a lot of us to have a really good balance. 0:07:37.920 --> 0:07:41.680 I would make sure that you and your partner are split. 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.000 If you have a partner, if you're not sending godspeed, 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.720 there's really no hope for a while. You know, you 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:49.240 really have to lean on the village. I think that 0:07:49.280 --> 0:07:52.520 making sure that your partner is taking his share or 0:07:52.560 --> 0:07:57.000 her share of the brunt of the admin and work 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:59.760 and all of that sort of thing, like, don't turn 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:04.400 your into a martyr, ask for help. I feel constantly overwhelmed. 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:08.000 I feel constantly like I'm surviving and not thriving. I 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:11.200 think it's so normal. I think that there will be 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:14.880 stages laiter down the track when we feel like we're thriving, 0:08:14.920 --> 0:08:17.880 but that just isn't our time at the moment. And 0:08:17.920 --> 0:08:19.960 I also, a friend gave me some really good advice 0:08:20.280 --> 0:08:22.040 a couple of years ago because it was during COVID, 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.000 and I was like, oh God, after a couple of 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:27.440 years of really thriving, like the last few years of 0:08:27.480 --> 0:08:31.880 my twenties and very early thirties, I thrived like I 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:36.000 kicked so many goals personally and professionally. So those years 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.000 I was thriving and then I said, oh, this year, 0:08:38.040 --> 0:08:40.400 I've literally just survived. And she was like, you know that, 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.280 that's okay, And I think that's really great advice. It's 0:08:43.320 --> 0:08:46.560 okay to survive. You're still doing a great job. And 0:08:46.720 --> 0:08:49.960 just remember that everything that other people appear to be 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.760 doing on social media, it's all bullshit, half of its 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.679 bloody lies, or it's just inflated to look better than 0:08:55.720 --> 0:08:59.319 what it actually is. Like we don't post the really 0:08:59.440 --> 0:09:02.640 rough day or the really rough moments. We'll post even 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:05.760 if we're prolifically online, it's still a couple of minutes 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:08.680 from a day. And even if you post the bad 0:09:08.679 --> 0:09:10.959 stuff as well, that's still like two minutes out of 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.640 an entire day. You haven't seen the fights with different people. 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:17.520 You haven't seen the heartache from something that happened at work. 0:09:17.960 --> 0:09:20.360 You haven't seen the awful meltdown that your child had 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:23.960 because you wouldn't let them have their third box of Sultana's, 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:26.800 And yes, that actually did just happen in my house. 0:09:27.080 --> 0:09:30.840 It's just not realistic to think that you will be 0:09:30.920 --> 0:09:34.160 on top of everything and really thriving. I think that 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.040 it's better to just look at like, maybe one week 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.280 out of every couple of months you really thrive, and 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:42.800 that's the week where you nail something professionally. You've got 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:46.080 a really nice girl's dinner locked in, and you finally 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:49.040 went to the dentist after building it up to be 0:09:49.080 --> 0:09:52.520 this huge job and I hate stupid life. I'd mean, 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.040 I don't have time to do anything, and then you 0:09:54.080 --> 0:09:55.800 go to the dentist and it's actually not a huge 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:58.120 deal and you're like, oh, okay, didn't even have any 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:02.040 cavities and health Healthing Insurance gave me back ninety dollars. 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:05.160 Great happy days. I think that then you will feel 0:10:05.200 --> 0:10:07.319 for that one week that we're thriving. But the expectation 0:10:07.440 --> 0:10:10.560 when you've got small kids that you are going to 0:10:10.600 --> 0:10:14.240 be anything but surviving, and that's okay as long as 0:10:14.280 --> 0:10:17.520 we're still trying to enjoy part of those moments of surviving. 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:24.160 Let's normalize surviving over thriving, especially when we have young 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:28.560 families and we're so busy with kids, because I just 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.360 think it's unrealistic to expect to be on top of 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:34.600 anything unless you're like a super organized person and in 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:38.439 which case sligh, but it's just not realistic for all 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:41.280 of us. And I promise you most people aren't absolute 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:43.600 hot mess. There might just be really good at hiding it. 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.640 How would you enjoy sex with your husband when you 0:10:46.640 --> 0:10:49.480 have a two year old? Well, this person needs to 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:51.960 listen to last week's episode because I have a three 0:10:52.040 --> 0:10:55.160 year old. At turns out I've never really enjoyed sex 0:10:55.200 --> 0:10:58.320 that much unless I'm tippling it up under the tiple. 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:01.360 Maybe he'll be in luck tonight. Like I just said 0:11:01.360 --> 0:11:03.679 in the previous question, I think we need to acknowledge 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:06.920 that sometimes it's a season, and maybe this is the 0:11:06.920 --> 0:11:10.840 season where you're not having enjoyable hot sex on the rag. 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.920 Like just you've got little kids, two year olds, they 0:11:13.960 --> 0:11:16.520 can be in our beds a lot. We're very tired. 0:11:17.040 --> 0:11:19.559 They're in that awful stage where they don't need naps. 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:22.599 They do need naps, like, they just don't seem to 0:11:22.640 --> 0:11:25.000 sleep as much as the sleep experts say that they're 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:27.240 going to. And you also can't force a human to 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:29.840 go to sleep. I think that listen to some of 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:32.720 the tips that Tara gave me last week and maybe 0:11:32.720 --> 0:11:34.719 try to implement them if you can relate to that 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:37.680 chat because I think that they were fantastic and really 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:40.280 tangible and something that we can all sort of try 0:11:40.320 --> 0:11:44.040 to do, and if it wasn't going to ruin the 0:11:44.080 --> 0:11:46.720 whole safety thing, I almost want to film myself doing 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:50.360 the centual wave to massive attack while they robed my body, 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.760 because oh my goodness, what a sight that would be. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.800 My baby is almost one and starting to get clingy. 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:05.640 How do I make him be less clingy? To me, 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:09.120 you can't. I just don't really have advice for this 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:12.360 because I literally have the world's clingiest child, or he's not. 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:15.080 I'm sure that there's someone cleaner. But like daycare drop 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:16.839 off is still a bit of a punish and tease 0:12:16.960 --> 0:12:20.240 three and been going for two years. Hopefully daycare is 0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:23.160 on the horizon or some sort of care so you 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:24.720 can get that little bit of a break and they 0:12:24.760 --> 0:12:28.440 can get used to having someone else look after them. 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:30.880 Try to get your partner to step up a little bit. 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:34.079 I went through a stage where I would literally hide 0:12:34.120 --> 0:12:37.080 in the car or go just go out at nighttime 0:12:37.120 --> 0:12:38.880 so I didn't have to be the only Because the 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.360 problem is when you've got a clingy baby, they generally 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:44.080 will go to your partner, but only if you're not there. 0:12:44.520 --> 0:12:47.040 Otherwise they always want you. You are the only option 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:49.520 to them, so you get lumped with doing everything. Even 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.320 though that's not fair, you should totally take it in 0:12:51.400 --> 0:12:53.360 terms with your partners. You do like the nighttime routine 0:12:53.440 --> 0:12:56.240 and that sort of thing, so I highly advise you 0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:59.640 go and hide in your car or take yourself out 0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:02.560 for beverage. Just go read in the backyard if there's 0:13:02.559 --> 0:13:05.720 somewhere you can hide. It sounds kind of awful, but 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.760 long term, I mean long term, it won't work because 0:13:09.280 --> 0:13:11.520 you still have a clean baby, but it will give 0:13:11.600 --> 0:13:13.839 you a bit of breathing space so you're not really 0:13:13.880 --> 0:13:17.199 touched out and really overwhelmed. Removing yourself from the equation. 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:21.520 So they only have the other parent. Husband left to 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.320 me when my son was seven weeks old. Woof no 0:13:24.480 --> 0:13:28.600 communications or money, I have no village and my son 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:31.480 is now two years old at daycare five days but 0:13:31.520 --> 0:13:33.960 won't gel with a babysitter. Do I relinquish, knowing it's 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.079 a phase and come out in a couple of years. 0:13:36.559 --> 0:13:40.240 Slash knuckle through question mark. What I would do is 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:44.599 I would find that absolute fucker and rinse him for 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.520 everything that he is worth. If you've got no idea 0:13:47.520 --> 0:13:51.400 where he is, get on the blower your phone. You 0:13:51.440 --> 0:13:54.520 will find him. I reckon. The queens of the Internet 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:58.200 will have that bastard found within a few hours. So 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:01.080 there's Facebook groups like sis is this your man? Or 0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.840 tea time. You can post it anonymously as well. You 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.440 don't need to give your own name away like obviously 0:14:06.559 --> 0:14:09.640 you would potentially be connected to him. Post a photo 0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:12.120 of him, saying the story or just saying, hey, who 0:14:12.160 --> 0:14:14.120 knows this guy? Who can tell me where he is? 0:14:14.160 --> 0:14:16.760 Type thing? Need to get into contact with the bastard. 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:21.160 The queens will have this guy found within a few hours. 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:23.160 Then you reach out to him. If he's blocked, you 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:28.920 contact the bastard's boss, okay, contact his family members, serve 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.840 him with legal letters. If you can't afford it, there's 0:14:31.960 --> 0:14:35.200 definitely free legal aid, or just reach out to his employers, 0:14:35.280 --> 0:14:39.880 like threaten the bastard start just getting so petty and 0:14:40.000 --> 0:14:44.080 rogue on social media. The mature person if key was here, 0:14:44.120 --> 0:14:46.480 she'd probably be like, I think that you should just 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:50.800 knuckle through and relinquish, knowing it to phase, but absolutely not. 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:52.720 This fuck wit doesn't just get to live the rest 0:14:52.720 --> 0:14:56.320 of his life a leaving a child. I mean, you 0:14:56.320 --> 0:14:58.320 certainly don't want him in your child's life anyway, but 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:00.680 not a chance would he ever get custody after fucking 0:15:00.680 --> 0:15:03.640 off for two years. But like sis, get your money. 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:07.560 He needs to help out, Okay, his seamen made the human. 0:15:07.800 --> 0:15:10.920 He's just a piece of shit and he needs to 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:14.400 help you financially. Find the bustard and get into contact 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:18.040 with his family and his boss. Get the police involved. 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:21.119 I don't really know what the legalities are in Australia, 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:25.320 but it sounds like the bastard's doing something very illegal. 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:28.840 Because that can't be right. And I am really sorry 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:31.880 that you don't have a village and that your child 0:15:31.920 --> 0:15:35.040 won't gel with the babysitter. Hard relate to that. What 0:15:35.080 --> 0:15:39.400 I would say, though, is, depending on what area you're in, 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:42.840 maybe jump on the eat Sleep Facebook group and just 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:45.560 see if there's any other shitter out there that would 0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:48.240 love to grab a coffee one day and really try 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:52.000 to like start expanding your network. Join a netball team, 0:15:52.280 --> 0:15:55.640 take the two year old oh if you know you 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:58.680 know that jokes from last year, or maybe wishful thinking, 0:15:59.520 --> 0:16:02.800 do those library you know those book things that Key recommends, 0:16:02.840 --> 0:16:06.120 the rhyming, singing things that the library, start making some friends, 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:08.520 really put yourself out there. We'll link it in the 0:16:08.520 --> 0:16:10.800 show notes the episode to how to Make friends, because 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:13.520 it is really bloody hard when you're an adult. But 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:17.440 I'm really sorry that happened to you, and that your 0:16:17.520 --> 0:16:21.040 child's father is such a piece of shit. I personally 0:16:21.040 --> 0:16:23.440 wouldn't just roll over and take that. However, I'm a 0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.360 vengeful bitch, So oh my god, I've just realized he 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:29.080 was your husband. Wow, Okay, that just changes the game. 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.040 I clearly didn't concentrate enough when I was reading that. 0:16:31.320 --> 0:16:33.840 So you know these blokes family, you know these blokes 0:16:33.920 --> 0:16:37.560 like workplace, Well, get on LinkedIn and start getting on 0:16:37.560 --> 0:16:41.800 the blower and just absolutely rinsing this bastard because no 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:45.040 one would be okay with that sort of behavior. Why 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:47.120 does it feel like it would be easier to parent 0:16:47.200 --> 0:16:49.200 as a single parent. I'm not gonna lie. I feel 0:16:49.200 --> 0:16:55.800 like every single mother in particular has felt like this before. However, 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:58.920 I think you probably just having a really bad day 0:16:59.000 --> 0:17:01.040 or really bad week. If you are thinking like that, 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.280 you need to really sit down and actually list out 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:07.320 what you're doing versus what your partner's doing. I know 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:09.880 it sounds very sexy, but I think it really can 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.840 help if you logistically sort of map out what you're 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.800 both responsible for and make sure that your partner is 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:20.200 taking their fair share of the work, because they absolutely 0:17:20.240 --> 0:17:24.000 need to express that to your partner and potentially look 0:17:24.040 --> 0:17:28.480 into marriage counseling or partner counseling, couple's counseling. Oh my god, Kelly, 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:32.040 because I think it's a very normal feeling to feel. 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:35.439 But it just means that you are really stressed and 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:39.720 really overwhelmed, or maybe you've got a bloke similar to this. 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:41.600 Why am I just assuming it's a bloke. It's because 0:17:41.680 --> 0:17:44.359 chicks don't behave like this unless you've got another piece 0:17:44.359 --> 0:17:46.840 of shit husband, in which case fuck him off, because yeah, 0:17:46.840 --> 0:17:49.639 you would be better off. This one's so funny. My 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:52.080 brother and sister in law have a perfect angel baby 0:17:52.200 --> 0:17:54.440 who sleeps fifteen hours a night. We have a terror 0:17:54.440 --> 0:17:57.480 toddler who we still put to sleep with fear and trembling, 0:17:57.960 --> 0:18:00.960 hard relate. They're very smug about it. Do I tell 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:04.320 them they got lucky and not actually the next parenting gurus? 0:18:04.440 --> 0:18:07.520 Or am I just being a petty tired parent probably 0:18:08.600 --> 0:18:11.879 absolutely call them out. We need to have more humor 0:18:11.920 --> 0:18:14.399 about these things. I've got a couple of girlfriends with 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:19.600 angel children, angel babies that just actually are angels, And yeah, 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:21.879 do my friends sort of think that it's because that 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:25.680 they followed these parenting books to the tea or they 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:29.040 just are angel parents potentially, But then a lot of 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:31.720 them are also very realistic about, oh, they just got lucky. 0:18:31.840 --> 0:18:34.640 But I did say to one of my girlfriends when 0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:36.439 I was at Wayne Balley, because she was being so 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:41.159 annoying and smug about her actual angel of a human, 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:45.600 I go, I fucking hope because she wants more. I 0:18:45.640 --> 0:18:53.080 was like, I hope your next one's a devil. And 0:18:53.119 --> 0:18:56.360 she was like, Kelly, you can't say that, and I said, 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:59.239 yes I can, Yes, I can. You're being smug and 0:18:59.280 --> 0:19:01.880 you're being annoying, and it's nothing to do with you. 0:19:01.920 --> 0:19:04.399 The baby's just got a really good temperament. Actually, it 0:19:04.400 --> 0:19:06.320 probably does have something to do with her, because both 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:10.159 her and her partner are so lovely and easy going 0:19:10.400 --> 0:19:12.960 and calme. So, yeah, the baby's got their temperament. But 0:19:13.000 --> 0:19:15.280 I'm just like, you know what, do it in a 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:18.119 really light way, because people need to be able to 0:19:18.200 --> 0:19:21.159 joke about this sort of thing, have a sense of humor. 0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:24.280 Hopefully they do too. I'm sure that they do. Most 0:19:24.359 --> 0:19:27.240 people do. Okay, So are you just being a tired 0:19:27.280 --> 0:19:31.240 and petty parent? Yes, but that's okay. It's annoying when 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:34.520 people are smug about things, all right. Also, I love 0:19:34.600 --> 0:19:37.359 to tell people that have really easy babies and children 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:38.879 that their children are just going to grow up with 0:19:38.920 --> 0:19:42.119 no personality, and that all of the really spirited children 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.880 are the people with really big personalities. Does that make 0:19:45.920 --> 0:19:48.600 me petty? It awful? Potentially, But does it make me 0:19:48.640 --> 0:19:53.880 feel better astronomically? What's the worst thing about parenting? So generally, 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.600 I would say their sicknesses and the fact that they 0:19:56.640 --> 0:19:58.479 give everything to you, and then you're expected to look 0:19:58.520 --> 0:20:00.800 after them even though you feel like death warmed up. 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:02.960 You can't send them to daycare, even though that's where 0:20:02.960 --> 0:20:04.719 they got it. You've got to keep them home. You've 0:20:04.720 --> 0:20:07.159 got to pay for the daycare, and you don't get 0:20:07.200 --> 0:20:09.120 paid because you're at home with them. And then you're 0:20:09.200 --> 0:20:11.000 dying and it takes them two days to get over 0:20:11.040 --> 0:20:12.959 something and it takes you two weeks, and you're never 0:20:13.080 --> 0:20:17.119 quite the same again with every single sickness. But after today, 0:20:17.160 --> 0:20:18.879 you know what I Am going to add to that list? 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:26.439 The food I hungry? I eat I hungry. Oh, but 0:20:26.520 --> 0:20:31.080 you're not actually hungry. Literally, before I started recording, there 0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.719 was banana bread. There was grapes, There was a muffin, 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:37.360 There was strawberries. There was those chocolate covered rice crackers. 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:41.439 There was sultanas. There was an old half eaten popper. 0:20:41.960 --> 0:20:44.199 Nothing because it wasn't what he wants to eat. But 0:20:44.240 --> 0:20:46.400 sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants to eat. 0:20:46.520 --> 0:20:49.200 They want to live off shit, and they are going 0:20:49.280 --> 0:20:52.439 to scream at you. Oh once again, probably only the 0:20:52.480 --> 0:20:55.119 sassy children that have a personality. Yes, I'm going to 0:20:55.160 --> 0:20:56.879 say that because it makes me feel better than just 0:20:57.280 --> 0:21:00.399 thinking to myself that I'm an awful mother. Yeah, I 0:21:00.440 --> 0:21:03.360 would add the whole food thing to the list. I've 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:05.359