Speaker 1: We acknowledged the traditional custodians of the land we're recording
Speaker 1: on today. Does that make me petty? It awful potentially,
Speaker 1: but does it make me feel better astronomically? Welcome back
Speaker 1: to Eat Sleeve, Shit Repeat, the Wildly Unhinged podcast about
Speaker 1: the madness that is motherhood and everything in between. I'm
Speaker 1: Kelly McCarran, and I am writing solo and rule dogging
Speaker 1: the shit out of this episode because I don't even
Speaker 1: have a script. This episode is called Drunk Parenting Advice
Speaker 1: with Kel. I've got a large glass of presex. I
Speaker 1: don't have to go in for a while. Can hear that?
Speaker 1: Hear it twinkling around? And I screenshotted a bunch of
Speaker 1: the anonymous questions people want, I guess, unhinged advice to
Speaker 1: all their dilemmas, which you know, to be fair. When
Speaker 1: I say like drunk parenting advice or drunk advice, it's
Speaker 1: more just like, I'm not going to try to be
Speaker 1: really all darling. It's more brutal, big sister, drunk aunt
Speaker 1: vibes advice. I like to say, let's get straight into
Speaker 1: the questions. I just screenshotted a bunch of them and
Speaker 1: I'm gonna just answer them until I'm like, whoa, this
Speaker 1: has been going for far too long, or I'm so
Speaker 1: hissed that i can't go out for dinner because We've
Speaker 1: got to go out for dinner after this. So she
Speaker 1: who bottoms up? My sister's best friend told me everything
Speaker 1: my sister says about me to her, and it's not nice.
Speaker 1: Do I confront my sister? If so? How I have
Speaker 1: been stewing on this for months? Oh my goodness and normous.
Speaker 1: That sucks so bad. But the person in the wrong
Speaker 1: in this situation is actually your sister's best friend. Your
Speaker 1: sister's best friend sucks, Like, how very dare she tell
Speaker 1: you information that your sister aka her best friend has
Speaker 1: told her in confidence. I'm sorry, but unless it was
Speaker 1: a crime or something that literally cannot be forgiven, which
Speaker 1: I highly doubt it was, I think she's just said
Speaker 1: something obviously like quite hurtful, which is awful, But she
Speaker 1: should never have regaled that information to you. I think
Speaker 1: that it just says a lot about your sister's best friend. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: you are the one that is winning because your best
Speaker 1: friend isn't such a dud. I would never tell like
Speaker 1: a friend's sister things that my friend had said to
Speaker 1: me when they were just having a little vent or whatnot.
Speaker 1: And as if my sister has not called me some
Speaker 1: awful things to some of her friends when she hasn't
Speaker 1: been a vent like I think that you totally should
Speaker 1: have a conversation with your sister, But I don't think
Speaker 1: you should go in all guns blazing about what she said.
Speaker 1: I think you should just say, hey, just so you know,
Speaker 1: this is what so and so, let's just call her
Speaker 1: Sandra has said to me that you said to her,
Speaker 1: and what the fuck? Like ouch? But also she needs
Speaker 1: to know that her best friend's a piece of shit
Speaker 1: like that is just so awful. And I feel kind
Speaker 1: of bad for your sister in this situation because she's
Speaker 1: got a real shitty best friend. Maybe you could, even,
Speaker 1: I don't know, if you're close to both of them,
Speaker 1: have a chat with both of them and really hash
Speaker 1: it out. But I bet at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: your sister doesn't actually think any of those things. I'd say,
Speaker 1: she was just pissed off at you about something, And
Speaker 1: like anyone that is a regular human being with siblings,
Speaker 1: sometimes we say things that we absolutely do not mean
Speaker 1: but we just say it out of anger, and we
Speaker 1: trust that the person we're venting to isn't going to
Speaker 1: repeat that. I think that you just need to chat
Speaker 1: to her about it. Also obviously depends on your relationship
Speaker 1: with your sister, because I guess maybe you guys aren't
Speaker 1: that close, but I feel like sisters should be able
Speaker 1: to chat about anything. So next time you're hanging out,
Speaker 1: don't make a huge deal out of it, but definitely
Speaker 1: bring it up and just tell her that you've been
Speaker 1: stewing on it for a few months. Just be really honest,
Speaker 1: because she wouldn't want you to have hurt feelings. She
Speaker 1: wouldn't want you to be stewing on this unless she's
Speaker 1: also a piece of shit, and then the two of
Speaker 1: them can just rod in hell. Okay, Okay, Next, is
Speaker 1: it worth buying new clothes to fit the boobs? Or
Speaker 1: do I just wait till I stop breastfeeding to look
Speaker 1: cute again? Okay, Well, I'm going to hold you right there.
Speaker 1: Why you're not cute just because you've got milk ut
Speaker 1: of titties. Okay, milk cut of titties are hot, they're
Speaker 1: so full. Definitely buy a couple of dresses. Don't spend
Speaker 1: heaps of money, but just buy a couple of dresses
Speaker 1: for your new titties that make you feel hot, because
Speaker 1: I promise you are hot just because you're breastfeeding. You
Speaker 1: know what, even when your milk comes out and accidentally
Speaker 1: gets all over the dress, still hot. Who cares, It's
Speaker 1: just milk. I think that a full tit full of milk,
Speaker 1: milk of the breast can look quite nice. It's kind
Speaker 1: of like nature's breast job, nature's breast augmentation. If you will,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this question. How do you keep your
Speaker 1: car clean when you have a kid? I swear I'm
Speaker 1: a tidy person, but the car just never cops a clean.
Speaker 1: If someone has a clean car and children, I feel
Speaker 1: like I'd get into their car and immediately think they
Speaker 1: are actually just dexter and chopping up bodies for fun
Speaker 1: on the weekend, because they must be a sociopath. If
Speaker 1: there is not a little bit of an odor of
Speaker 1: old vomit, despite cleaning the vomit up, it's still just odorous,
Speaker 1: whether yours or the children. Crumbs everywhere because they snack
Speaker 1: and they are disgusting, and they just crumbs end up everywhere.
Speaker 1: A couple of crackers under the seat. Just cars. If
Speaker 1: you've got a car loving child, If you don't have
Speaker 1: things everywhere, no matter how much you do feel like
Speaker 1: you're a tidy person, like I said, I think that
Speaker 1: you're probably dexter. Also, I live in my car. My
Speaker 1: car is actually awful. I did clean it last weekend
Speaker 1: to be fair, but it still has got crumbs everywhere
Speaker 1: because they get in there, like it needs a professional
Speaker 1: clean to get that shit out. It's kind of disgusting
Speaker 1: and there still is that odor of vomit. I think
Speaker 1: that's my fault, though not Lenny's. No one has a
Speaker 1: clean car, and if they do, they deck ster. They're
Speaker 1: chopping up people for fun. Thoughts on baby sprinkles, I
Speaker 1: can't stand when people do a sprinkle. I'm all for
Speaker 1: baby showers for the first baby because it's meant to
Speaker 1: set you up as parents. But I think a sprinkle
Speaker 1: is becoming selfish. Will don't go simple as that don't go? Yes,
Speaker 1: it is self indulgent. Who cares If they want to
Speaker 1: do it and they have people that want to go
Speaker 1: and are going to go, then go for gold. And
Speaker 1: they might not be wanting anything as well, Like yes,
Speaker 1: if they've got a register for the second baby. That is,
Speaker 1: it's not selfish, but it's a little bit greedy. But
Speaker 1: maybe they're struggling, although in that case they probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: be having the sprinkle in which you put food on
Speaker 1: and whatnot. Maybe they are being a little bit greedy,
Speaker 1: but who cares. Just don't go make up an excuse
Speaker 1: like we all do when we don't want to go
Speaker 1: to something and let other people who want to go
Speaker 1: or to pussy to make up an excuse, go and
Speaker 1: sprinkle the person. It doesn't actually have anything to do
Speaker 1: with you, So it doesn't matter if they want to
Speaker 1: have a couple of different hens parties, if they want
Speaker 1: to have sprinkle after sprinkle after sprinkle and have seven kids.
Speaker 1: Who cares? It actually isn't about you. Just have an excuse.
Speaker 1: Don't go got any tips for finding a good balance
Speaker 1: for work slash life Slash admin feels like everything is
Speaker 1: happening at once and I'm hardly surviving. I'm certainly not thriving.
Speaker 1: I had to know life admins a third thing, because honestly,
Speaker 1: that's a whole job in itself. I don't think that
Speaker 1: there is such thing as a really good balance well,
Speaker 1: I do, but I think it takes a lot of
Speaker 1: work and a lot of organization, which doesn't come naturally
Speaker 1: to a lot of us to have a really good balance.
Speaker 1: I would make sure that you and your partner are split.
Speaker 1: If you have a partner, if you're not sending godspeed,
Speaker 1: there's really no hope for a while. You know, you
Speaker 1: really have to lean on the village. I think that
Speaker 1: making sure that your partner is taking his share or
Speaker 1: her share of the brunt of the admin and work
Speaker 1: and all of that sort of thing, like, don't turn
Speaker 1: your into a martyr, ask for help. I feel constantly overwhelmed.
Speaker 1: I feel constantly like I'm surviving and not thriving. I
Speaker 1: think it's so normal. I think that there will be
Speaker 1: stages laiter down the track when we feel like we're thriving,
Speaker 1: but that just isn't our time at the moment. And
Speaker 1: I also, a friend gave me some really good advice
Speaker 1: a couple of years ago because it was during COVID,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh God, after a couple of
Speaker 1: years of really thriving, like the last few years of
Speaker 1: my twenties and very early thirties, I thrived like I
Speaker 1: kicked so many goals personally and professionally. So those years
Speaker 1: I was thriving and then I said, oh, this year,
Speaker 1: I've literally just survived. And she was like, you know that,
Speaker 1: that's okay, And I think that's really great advice. It's
Speaker 1: okay to survive. You're still doing a great job. And
Speaker 1: just remember that everything that other people appear to be
Speaker 1: doing on social media, it's all bullshit, half of its
Speaker 1: bloody lies, or it's just inflated to look better than
Speaker 1: what it actually is. Like we don't post the really
Speaker 1: rough day or the really rough moments. We'll post even
Speaker 1: if we're prolifically online, it's still a couple of minutes
Speaker 1: from a day. And even if you post the bad
Speaker 1: stuff as well, that's still like two minutes out of
Speaker 1: an entire day. You haven't seen the fights with different people.
Speaker 1: You haven't seen the heartache from something that happened at work.
Speaker 1: You haven't seen the awful meltdown that your child had
Speaker 1: because you wouldn't let them have their third box of Sultana's,
Speaker 1: And yes, that actually did just happen in my house.
Speaker 1: It's just not realistic to think that you will be
Speaker 1: on top of everything and really thriving. I think that
Speaker 1: it's better to just look at like, maybe one week
Speaker 1: out of every couple of months you really thrive, and
Speaker 1: that's the week where you nail something professionally. You've got
Speaker 1: a really nice girl's dinner locked in, and you finally
Speaker 1: went to the dentist after building it up to be
Speaker 1: this huge job and I hate stupid life. I'd mean,
Speaker 1: I don't have time to do anything, and then you
Speaker 1: go to the dentist and it's actually not a huge
Speaker 1: deal and you're like, oh, okay, didn't even have any
Speaker 1: cavities and health Healthing Insurance gave me back ninety dollars.
Speaker 1: Great happy days. I think that then you will feel
Speaker 1: for that one week that we're thriving. But the expectation
Speaker 1: when you've got small kids that you are going to
Speaker 1: be anything but surviving, and that's okay as long as
Speaker 1: we're still trying to enjoy part of those moments of surviving.
Speaker 1: Let's normalize surviving over thriving, especially when we have young
Speaker 1: families and we're so busy with kids, because I just
Speaker 1: think it's unrealistic to expect to be on top of
Speaker 1: anything unless you're like a super organized person and in
Speaker 1: which case sligh, but it's just not realistic for all
Speaker 1: of us. And I promise you most people aren't absolute
Speaker 1: hot mess. There might just be really good at hiding it.
Speaker 1: How would you enjoy sex with your husband when you
Speaker 1: have a two year old? Well, this person needs to
Speaker 1: listen to last week's episode because I have a three
Speaker 1: year old. At turns out I've never really enjoyed sex
Speaker 1: that much unless I'm tippling it up under the tiple.
Speaker 1: Maybe he'll be in luck tonight. Like I just said
Speaker 1: in the previous question, I think we need to acknowledge
Speaker 1: that sometimes it's a season, and maybe this is the
Speaker 1: season where you're not having enjoyable hot sex on the rag.
Speaker 1: Like just you've got little kids, two year olds, they
Speaker 1: can be in our beds a lot. We're very tired.
Speaker 1: They're in that awful stage where they don't need naps.
Speaker 1: They do need naps, like, they just don't seem to
Speaker 1: sleep as much as the sleep experts say that they're
Speaker 1: going to. And you also can't force a human to
Speaker 1: go to sleep. I think that listen to some of
Speaker 1: the tips that Tara gave me last week and maybe
Speaker 1: try to implement them if you can relate to that
Speaker 1: chat because I think that they were fantastic and really
Speaker 1: tangible and something that we can all sort of try
Speaker 1: to do, and if it wasn't going to ruin the
Speaker 1: whole safety thing, I almost want to film myself doing
Speaker 1: the centual wave to massive attack while they robed my body,
Speaker 1: because oh my goodness, what a sight that would be.
Speaker 1: My baby is almost one and starting to get clingy.
Speaker 1: How do I make him be less clingy? To me,
Speaker 1: you can't. I just don't really have advice for this
Speaker 1: because I literally have the world's clingiest child, or he's not.
Speaker 1: I'm sure that there's someone cleaner. But like daycare drop
Speaker 1: off is still a bit of a punish and tease
Speaker 1: three and been going for two years. Hopefully daycare is
Speaker 1: on the horizon or some sort of care so you
Speaker 1: can get that little bit of a break and they
Speaker 1: can get used to having someone else look after them.
Speaker 1: Try to get your partner to step up a little bit.
Speaker 1: I went through a stage where I would literally hide
Speaker 1: in the car or go just go out at nighttime
Speaker 1: so I didn't have to be the only Because the
Speaker 1: problem is when you've got a clingy baby, they generally
Speaker 1: will go to your partner, but only if you're not there.
Speaker 1: Otherwise they always want you. You are the only option
Speaker 1: to them, so you get lumped with doing everything. Even
Speaker 1: though that's not fair, you should totally take it in
Speaker 1: terms with your partners. You do like the nighttime routine
Speaker 1: and that sort of thing, so I highly advise you
Speaker 1: go and hide in your car or take yourself out
Speaker 1: for beverage. Just go read in the backyard if there's
Speaker 1: somewhere you can hide. It sounds kind of awful, but
Speaker 1: long term, I mean long term, it won't work because
Speaker 1: you still have a clean baby, but it will give
Speaker 1: you a bit of breathing space so you're not really
Speaker 1: touched out and really overwhelmed. Removing yourself from the equation.
Speaker 1: So they only have the other parent. Husband left to
Speaker 1: me when my son was seven weeks old. Woof no
Speaker 1: communications or money, I have no village and my son
Speaker 1: is now two years old at daycare five days but
Speaker 1: won't gel with a babysitter. Do I relinquish, knowing it's
Speaker 1: a phase and come out in a couple of years.
Speaker 1: Slash knuckle through question mark. What I would do is
Speaker 1: I would find that absolute fucker and rinse him for
Speaker 1: everything that he is worth. If you've got no idea
Speaker 1: where he is, get on the blower your phone. You
Speaker 1: will find him. I reckon. The queens of the Internet
Speaker 1: will have that bastard found within a few hours. So
Speaker 1: there's Facebook groups like sis is this your man? Or
Speaker 1: tea time. You can post it anonymously as well. You
Speaker 1: don't need to give your own name away like obviously
Speaker 1: you would potentially be connected to him. Post a photo
Speaker 1: of him, saying the story or just saying, hey, who
Speaker 1: knows this guy? Who can tell me where he is?
Speaker 1: Type thing? Need to get into contact with the bastard.
Speaker 1: The queens will have this guy found within a few hours.
Speaker 1: Then you reach out to him. If he's blocked, you
Speaker 1: contact the bastard's boss, okay, contact his family members, serve
Speaker 1: him with legal letters. If you can't afford it, there's
Speaker 1: definitely free legal aid, or just reach out to his employers,
Speaker 1: like threaten the bastard start just getting so petty and
Speaker 1: rogue on social media. The mature person if key was here,
Speaker 1: she'd probably be like, I think that you should just
Speaker 1: knuckle through and relinquish, knowing it to phase, but absolutely not.
Speaker 1: This fuck wit doesn't just get to live the rest
Speaker 1: of his life a leaving a child. I mean, you
Speaker 1: certainly don't want him in your child's life anyway, but
Speaker 1: not a chance would he ever get custody after fucking
Speaker 1: off for two years. But like sis, get your money.
Speaker 1: He needs to help out, Okay, his seamen made the human.
Speaker 1: He's just a piece of shit and he needs to
Speaker 1: help you financially. Find the bustard and get into contact
Speaker 1: with his family and his boss. Get the police involved.
Speaker 1: I don't really know what the legalities are in Australia,
Speaker 1: but it sounds like the bastard's doing something very illegal.
Speaker 1: Because that can't be right. And I am really sorry
Speaker 1: that you don't have a village and that your child
Speaker 1: won't gel with the babysitter. Hard relate to that. What
Speaker 1: I would say, though, is, depending on what area you're in,
Speaker 1: maybe jump on the eat Sleep Facebook group and just
Speaker 1: see if there's any other shitter out there that would
Speaker 1: love to grab a coffee one day and really try
Speaker 1: to like start expanding your network. Join a netball team,
Speaker 1: take the two year old oh if you know you
Speaker 1: know that jokes from last year, or maybe wishful thinking,
Speaker 1: do those library you know those book things that Key recommends,
Speaker 1: the rhyming, singing things that the library, start making some friends,
Speaker 1: really put yourself out there. We'll link it in the
Speaker 1: show notes the episode to how to Make friends, because
Speaker 1: it is really bloody hard when you're an adult. But
Speaker 1: I'm really sorry that happened to you, and that your
Speaker 1: child's father is such a piece of shit. I personally
Speaker 1: wouldn't just roll over and take that. However, I'm a
Speaker 1: vengeful bitch, So oh my god, I've just realized he
Speaker 1: was your husband. Wow, Okay, that just changes the game.
Speaker 1: I clearly didn't concentrate enough when I was reading that.
Speaker 1: So you know these blokes family, you know these blokes
Speaker 1: like workplace, Well, get on LinkedIn and start getting on
Speaker 1: the blower and just absolutely rinsing this bastard because no
Speaker 1: one would be okay with that sort of behavior. Why
Speaker 1: does it feel like it would be easier to parent
Speaker 1: as a single parent. I'm not gonna lie. I feel
Speaker 1: like every single mother in particular has felt like this before. However,
Speaker 1: I think you probably just having a really bad day
Speaker 1: or really bad week. If you are thinking like that,
Speaker 1: you need to really sit down and actually list out
Speaker 1: what you're doing versus what your partner's doing. I know
Speaker 1: it sounds very sexy, but I think it really can
Speaker 1: help if you logistically sort of map out what you're
Speaker 1: both responsible for and make sure that your partner is
Speaker 1: taking their fair share of the work, because they absolutely
Speaker 1: need to express that to your partner and potentially look
Speaker 1: into marriage counseling or partner counseling, couple's counseling. Oh my god, Kelly,
Speaker 1: because I think it's a very normal feeling to feel.
Speaker 1: But it just means that you are really stressed and
Speaker 1: really overwhelmed, or maybe you've got a bloke similar to this.
Speaker 1: Why am I just assuming it's a bloke. It's because
Speaker 1: chicks don't behave like this unless you've got another piece
Speaker 1: of shit husband, in which case fuck him off, because yeah,
Speaker 1: you would be better off. This one's so funny. My
Speaker 1: brother and sister in law have a perfect angel baby
Speaker 1: who sleeps fifteen hours a night. We have a terror
Speaker 1: toddler who we still put to sleep with fear and trembling,
Speaker 1: hard relate. They're very smug about it. Do I tell
Speaker 1: them they got lucky and not actually the next parenting gurus?
Speaker 1: Or am I just being a petty tired parent probably
Speaker 1: absolutely call them out. We need to have more humor
Speaker 1: about these things. I've got a couple of girlfriends with
Speaker 1: angel children, angel babies that just actually are angels, And yeah,
Speaker 1: do my friends sort of think that it's because that
Speaker 1: they followed these parenting books to the tea or they
Speaker 1: just are angel parents potentially, But then a lot of
Speaker 1: them are also very realistic about, oh, they just got lucky.
Speaker 1: But I did say to one of my girlfriends when
Speaker 1: I was at Wayne Balley, because she was being so
Speaker 1: annoying and smug about her actual angel of a human,
Speaker 1: I go, I fucking hope because she wants more. I
Speaker 1: was like, I hope your next one's a devil. And
Speaker 1: she was like, Kelly, you can't say that, and I said,
Speaker 1: yes I can, Yes, I can. You're being smug and
Speaker 1: you're being annoying, and it's nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: The baby's just got a really good temperament. Actually, it
Speaker 1: probably does have something to do with her, because both
Speaker 1: her and her partner are so lovely and easy going
Speaker 1: and calme. So, yeah, the baby's got their temperament. But
Speaker 1: I'm just like, you know what, do it in a
Speaker 1: really light way, because people need to be able to
Speaker 1: joke about this sort of thing, have a sense of humor.
Speaker 1: Hopefully they do too. I'm sure that they do. Most
Speaker 1: people do. Okay, So are you just being a tired
Speaker 1: and petty parent? Yes, but that's okay. It's annoying when
Speaker 1: people are smug about things, all right. Also, I love
Speaker 1: to tell people that have really easy babies and children
Speaker 1: that their children are just going to grow up with
Speaker 1: no personality, and that all of the really spirited children
Speaker 1: are the people with really big personalities. Does that make
Speaker 1: me petty? It awful? Potentially, But does it make me
Speaker 1: feel better astronomically? What's the worst thing about parenting? So generally,
Speaker 1: I would say their sicknesses and the fact that they
Speaker 1: give everything to you, and then you're expected to look
Speaker 1: after them even though you feel like death warmed up.
Speaker 1: You can't send them to daycare, even though that's where
Speaker 1: they got it. You've got to keep them home. You've
Speaker 1: got to pay for the daycare, and you don't get
Speaker 1: paid because you're at home with them. And then you're
Speaker 1: dying and it takes them two days to get over
Speaker 1: something and it takes you two weeks, and you're never
Speaker 1: quite the same again with every single sickness. But after today,
Speaker 1: you know what I Am going to add to that list?
Speaker 1: The food I hungry? I eat I hungry. Oh, but
Speaker 1: you're not actually hungry. Literally, before I started recording, there
Speaker 1: was banana bread. There was grapes, There was a muffin,
Speaker 1: There was strawberries. There was those chocolate covered rice crackers.
Speaker 1: There was sultanas. There was an old half eaten popper.
Speaker 1: Nothing because it wasn't what he wants to eat. But
Speaker 1: sometimes he doesn't even know what he wants to eat.
Speaker 1: They want to live off shit, and they are going
Speaker 1: to scream at you. Oh once again, probably only the
Speaker 1: sassy children that have a personality. Yes, I'm going to
Speaker 1: say that because it makes me feel better than just
Speaker 1: thinking to myself that I'm an awful mother. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would add the whole food thing to the list. I've
Speaker 1: given up in a lot of ways. I don't cook
Speaker 1: that much anymore, stuff specifically for him, because he wasn't
Speaker 1: eating anything, and most of it would end up thrown
Speaker 1: at me. Not it wasn't, that's an exaggeration, but it
Speaker 1: would just be left on the plate. And I'd spend
Speaker 1: so much money and slave so much time and I
Speaker 1: was like, I simply shall not be doing this. Have
Speaker 1: some baked beans, Fuck the microplastics, fuck the carcinogenics. You'll
Speaker 1: be absolutely fine. If not, everything's giving as cancer, so
Speaker 1: we're all fucked anyway. I'm not sure if I want
Speaker 1: another baby. I like being able to give my little
Speaker 1: boy everything and give him all of my attention, and
Speaker 1: I'm not sure I want to split my time between
Speaker 1: multiple children. But am I being selfish not trying to
Speaker 1: give him a sibling. Not all siblings are close, and
Speaker 1: that's something that I need to remind myself of all
Speaker 1: the time. But anyone that wants a good excuse or
Speaker 1: a good reason not to have a second child needs
Speaker 1: to come to me. Let's just start a one and
Speaker 1: done club. Okay, maybe that'll be a side project, a
Speaker 1: side podcast, if you will, where every single week I
Speaker 1: just got on a big rant for one reason about
Speaker 1: why I think that one child is perfectly sufficient. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to give you the lowdown, which is actually
Speaker 1: what I was talking to my auntie about earlier, because
Speaker 1: she was like, will you be having another one? And
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't have that many years left
Speaker 1: for people to be asking me that I understand why
Speaker 1: there's a question, especially with like close friends and family,
Speaker 1: but you know, at least in a couple of years,
Speaker 1: they won't ask because they were like, Oh, in a
Speaker 1: perfect world, would I like to have another baby? Yes?
Speaker 1: There are some caveats to that. Should I admit this
Speaker 1: out loud, probably not. Will it get me canceled? Potentially?
Speaker 1: But I'm just going to be honest. If I was
Speaker 1: guaranteed a girl, I would be more likely to have
Speaker 1: another one. I know that it doesn't really matter, but
Speaker 1: it does, Okay. I absolutely love my little boy. I
Speaker 1: spoke a lot about ginger disappointment when I found out
Speaker 1: that I was pregnant with a boy, and I spoke
Speaker 1: about it, and people said, like, Lenny's going to find
Speaker 1: this article. Who He's going to find this topic that
Speaker 1: you've spoken about one day? How will do you think
Speaker 1: that he will feel? I don't know. I think that
Speaker 1: he'll be absolutely fine because there's not a chance that
Speaker 1: that little shit head's not going to know just how
Speaker 1: loved he is. He is so loved, like he could
Speaker 1: not possibly be more loved, and I am so obsessed
Speaker 1: with him, and I can't actually imagine having any other child.
Speaker 1: You've also got to paint like, I don't know the
Speaker 1: next child that I have, so I don't love them yet.
Speaker 1: So when I'm thinking about this hypothetical child, I don't
Speaker 1: know that child yet, so I'm just thinking about another
Speaker 1: lunatic toddler boy that I don't know, and I do
Speaker 1: not want that person in my house. Yes, of course
Speaker 1: I would actually love them, and yes, of course I
Speaker 1: would listen back to this conversation if I had another
Speaker 1: boy and go, you're a lunatic. You are obsessed with
Speaker 1: your children. But if I'm thinking about it from the
Speaker 1: perspective and context of where I am at at the moment,
Speaker 1: I do not want to live with more boys in
Speaker 1: this house. And the ma gen only brew boys. Okay,
Speaker 1: they only do boys. I did like this Instagram post.
Speaker 1: I can try to find it to share about like
Speaker 1: my pros and cons list having more children last year,
Speaker 1: and I thought it was really interesting because a lot
Speaker 1: of people gave their perspective and gave their advice, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people like, you're being a bit selfish
Speaker 1: because all of your reasoning is very short term, so
Speaker 1: say within the next five years. And I thought that
Speaker 1: that was so valid, But then I spent six months
Speaker 1: out of last year thinking that I could literally die
Speaker 1: at the drop of a hat because I had a
Speaker 1: bomb in my brain, and it really changed things for me,
Speaker 1: because we are so presumptuous that, you know, when we
Speaker 1: think about having more children, it's because we want a
Speaker 1: really big family and we want a big you know,
Speaker 1: a really full table at Christmas or whatnot. And you know,
Speaker 1: people say, oh, you need to think about what your
Speaker 1: life is going to look like when you're sixty, not now.
Speaker 1: But it's very presumptuous to just assume that we're going
Speaker 1: to get to sixty to eighty, to whatever age we've
Speaker 1: got in our mind that when we think of the future, Actually,
Speaker 1: five years is a very long time to be miserable,
Speaker 1: if not miserable, Okay that's a bit of a stretch,
Speaker 1: but to have huge periods of misery. I thought that
Speaker 1: the validity of everyone saying not everyone, but a lot
Speaker 1: of people saying all of your reasons is so short term,
Speaker 1: like think about the long term pros, yes, but long
Speaker 1: term isn't guaranteed, and I also want to enjoy the
Speaker 1: short term. Well, like I said, I'm very pro one
Speaker 1: and done. Come and talk to me about it. At
Speaker 1: any time, you're not selfish as long as you make
Speaker 1: sure that your child has lots of time with other children.
Speaker 1: It did break my heart finally enough this morning when
Speaker 1: he said, why don't I have a brother? And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, there is not one day that goes
Speaker 1: by or maybe you know, if he's really sick, where
Speaker 1: he doesn't have a playdate of some sort with another child.
Speaker 1: His life is so full of other little kids. No,
Speaker 1: they're not siblings, but you're not guaranteed to get along
Speaker 1: with your siblings. And me and my siblings did not
Speaker 1: get along when we were kids. Well we did, I
Speaker 1: guess when we're really little before like the Dickens, when
Speaker 1: we were growing up, literal punch ups. And then yes,
Speaker 1: as adults we're really close, but that's not guaranteed. I'm
Speaker 1: very lucky. You're not selfish. You well, maybe you are,
Speaker 1: but you've got to be selfish because no one else
Speaker 1: is going to put you first, so you have to.
Speaker 1: And it's totally okay to want to give you a
Speaker 1: kid all of your attention, everything you've got, because also,
Speaker 1: having children is really expensive. I do not know how
Speaker 1: people have so many children if they live like in
Speaker 1: an expensive era. I mean everywhere is expensive these days.
Speaker 1: Resenting husband who gets to go to work is real.
Speaker 1: I'm a freelancer, so I can't replace his income consistently,
Speaker 1: but I want to work dot or dot ideas. This
Speaker 1: is where a lot of people go wrong, I think,
Speaker 1: because they think of his versus her, like you're putting
Speaker 1: your two salaries together and just going who earns more,
Speaker 1: without really that both of you chose to have that baby,
Speaker 1: so both of you should be paying for the childcare,
Speaker 1: and both of you should get to go to work.
Speaker 1: Like it's not actually just about the money. So let's
Speaker 1: just say your partner's like, oh, you can't replace my income,
Speaker 1: so you'll just have to stay at home and the baby. No, no,
Speaker 1: put the baby in daycare or get some sort of
Speaker 1: help for the I don't know how old this baby
Speaker 1: is or child is, and both of you equally pay
Speaker 1: for it and then you both go to work Like
Speaker 1: that just seems so silly that it's very common, but
Speaker 1: I don't think people are really thinking about it through
Speaker 1: because it's also your career, so your future earning potential
Speaker 1: that is impacted by the decision to stay home long term.
Speaker 1: If you want to, then that is fantastic. Stay home
Speaker 1: as long as you want. But if you want to work,
Speaker 1: go work like. Your partner's going to have to sort
Speaker 1: that out with his boss because just because you earn
Speaker 1: less doesn't mean that it's not a priority. Or your
Speaker 1: partner needs to be home by a certain hour every
Speaker 1: day and then you can go out for a few
Speaker 1: hours and do your work. Because you're freelance like, you
Speaker 1: need to come up with some sort of compromise because
Speaker 1: it's absolutely not fair that you're looking at it from
Speaker 1: the perspective, Oh, he earns more, so he gets to
Speaker 1: go to work. No, both of you chose to have
Speaker 1: that baby. Both of you have careers. You never know
Speaker 1: with freelance work. Yes, the tough times can be tougher,
Speaker 1: but the higher times can be higher. So you know what,
Speaker 1: work your ass off, start earning more and then make
Speaker 1: him be a stay at home daddy and see how
Speaker 1: he likes it. I love being with my children, but
Speaker 1: I hate playing with them. How can I learn to
Speaker 1: love it? Once again? This is like such a you've
Speaker 1: just seen on social media or seen in pop culture
Speaker 1: that you're supposed to love it. You're absolutely not turn
Speaker 1: it into something that you want to do. Though, Okay,
Speaker 1: if we just did what Lenny wants to do all
Speaker 1: the time, I would absolutely not love it. I've created
Speaker 1: games that I enjoy that then he enjoys doing kids.
Speaker 1: If you're doing it with them, they're pretty happy. We
Speaker 1: clean the walls sometimes, if the walls like, we do
Speaker 1: chores around the house. I don't really want to do
Speaker 1: that either, but they need to be done. We turn
Speaker 1: everything into a game. You might put some fun music on.
Speaker 1: We do adult puzzles instead of children's puzzles. He doesn't care.
Speaker 1: I try to get pretty pictures that he likes. Like
Speaker 1: we're doing one at the moment. There's a boat, there's
Speaker 1: heaps of cool pretty flowers, there's heaps of animals. So no,
Speaker 1: it's not like a fifty piece or patrol puzzle, but
Speaker 1: it's a huge one and then it's like a big
Speaker 1: accomplishment where we get to finish it together. Also, just
Speaker 1: realize that it's not all about you, like, get them
Speaker 1: to do some stuff, and then sometimes you do have
Speaker 1: to play with them. But yeah, games that you like.
Speaker 1: I love playing Lego because I find it really fun.
Speaker 1: It's very annoying when he tries to come and help
Speaker 1: me with my house. I'm like, no, no, you play
Speaker 1: over there. I really like to color. I love craft.
Speaker 1: So just pick and choose the things that you play
Speaker 1: with them with the things that you love, and then
Speaker 1: every now and then play something like I don't know
Speaker 1: hard and go seek that you don't want to, or
Speaker 1: bloody cars. I can't stand just pretending to push them.
Speaker 1: So that's what I don't like playing. My two year
Speaker 1: old is unhinged and his big feelings are off the charts.
Speaker 1: I'm twenty two weeks pregnant. How do I keep my
Speaker 1: cool and employ good parenting techniques while absolutely exhausted. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't think you always need to keep your cool.
Speaker 1: I think that that is a silly, silly myth that
Speaker 1: social media and parenting experts have taught us. And then
Speaker 1: we feel really bad because we do lose our shits.
Speaker 1: What I do now I try to think about what
Speaker 1: percent of the time I've lost my shit, and if
Speaker 1: it's a really small percent, I'm like, you did a
Speaker 1: good job today. You did a good job. It is
Speaker 1: very hard to deal with small people with such big feelings,
Speaker 1: and I can't imagine how hard it is when you're pregnant,
Speaker 1: probably not enjoying being pregnant. I don't know that many
Speaker 1: people that do. Take a breath. Make sure that you're
Speaker 1: having enough space by yourself and space with other people
Speaker 1: that aren't your toddler, because yeah, that shit is absolutely rough,
Speaker 1: but be a little bit kind to yourself. You're doing
Speaker 1: the best that you can. How to stop two year
Speaker 1: old from spitting my my min This was sent in
Speaker 1: to someone that I think that they had a lot
Speaker 1: more faith in my parenting advice. What do you mean
Speaker 1: your child is spitting like? Are they an alpacker? Are
Speaker 1: they or alarm or whatever it is that just goes
Speaker 1: or are they doing like a in which case I
Speaker 1: feel like it's probably pretty normal. I don't know that one.
Speaker 1: I really can't help with, no idea, no idea. It's
Speaker 1: kind of to me. Yes, it's of course a rude
Speaker 1: thing to be doing to strangers, but apart from being
Speaker 1: a little bit gross, it's kind of funny. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to transition toddler out of cot into single
Speaker 1: bed because he's climbing out of KOT. He will just
Speaker 1: walk out if he doesn't want to sleep, As I
Speaker 1: think I mentioned this earlier in the episode. It's so
Speaker 1: crazy that like there's these sleep experts that make me
Speaker 1: feel like shit because they're like, oh, you're toddler needs
Speaker 1: to still be having least twelve hours of sleep in
Speaker 1: a twenty four hour period, so if they're not napping overnight,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, sorry, what now? You cannot force someone
Speaker 1: to sleep that doesn't want to sleep, Like you can
Speaker 1: force them to sit in a very dark room with
Speaker 1: you with the sounds on, with no stimuli, and yes,
Speaker 1: eventually they will go to sleep because they are so
Speaker 1: tired after screaming their absolute head off. But yeah, you
Speaker 1: can't like just hold your child's eyes shut and hold
Speaker 1: them down with one arm and hope to God that
Speaker 1: they go to sleep. Some kids are really good sleepers,
Speaker 1: and they're really good with disciplines. You say, hey, go
Speaker 1: to bed, it's bedtime, and they'll just go to bed.
Speaker 1: I still don't think that they probably are just falling asleep.
Speaker 1: Maybe they're just playing with their toys quietly in bed,
Speaker 1: or maybe they are, but then they probably have high
Speaker 1: sleep needs or they're just more disciplined children. I have
Speaker 1: a best friend that literally tells her three kids two,
Speaker 1: four and seven to go to bed, and they just
Speaker 1: at six thirty every night and they just go to bed,
Speaker 1: do as they're told. And I think my Momi, my
Speaker 1: kid didn't have an app and I was still battling
Speaker 1: with him at nine pm. If they're climbing out of
Speaker 1: the cot, I would put them back in a snug sleepsack,
Speaker 1: especially as we're going into the colder months, because the
Speaker 1: sleep sack stops them from being able to get out
Speaker 1: of the cot, and that will stop them y eating
Speaker 1: themselves out of the cot. Otherwise, Yeah, you really can't
Speaker 1: force them to stay in bed. Do you love your
Speaker 1: lifestyle or do you want more? Oh? Don't we always
Speaker 1: want more? Isn't that what life is about? Always driving
Speaker 1: for the next big thing. I'm pretty happy with my
Speaker 1: lifestyle though, and I know that I'm very lucky. I
Speaker 1: have such a good group. I've got real good girlfriends,
Speaker 1: and I have the luxury because I only have one kid,
Speaker 1: and I guess because my finances allow that I can
Speaker 1: go out with them quite regularly, like I always at
Speaker 1: least one dinner a week with girlfriends, which I know
Speaker 1: is very unrealistic for a lot of people, which is
Speaker 1: why I said I'm very lucky. That's the sort of
Speaker 1: thing that keeps me so sane though. That's why I
Speaker 1: think it's so important. I love netball. I love that
Speaker 1: I live so close to my sister and she's got
Speaker 1: kids the same age. Yes, and now that Lenny's that
Speaker 1: little bit older and more independent, I really love that
Speaker 1: I can do things like go to Bali for a
Speaker 1: long weekend because Bali is my favorite place in the
Speaker 1: entire world. So yes, I love my lifestyle. Yes, I
Speaker 1: of course want more, namely a little bit more space
Speaker 1: in a house. But yeah, I think that that's what
Speaker 1: that question means. Okay, next question, no village. I have
Speaker 1: endo and fatigue, need IVF to conceive thirty six years old,
Speaker 1: sitting on the fence whether to try to conceive baby
Speaker 1: number two if it's even a possibility. I have a
Speaker 1: three year old miracle already. Oh, I'm probably the wrong
Speaker 1: person to usk because I'm going to tell you to
Speaker 1: go back and listen to my reasoning on one and done.
Speaker 1: I don't know. It just sounds like a lot of
Speaker 1: further heartbreaking work, time, money, your body putting it on
Speaker 1: the line for the potential of another baby. Uh, it
Speaker 1: depends how much you want it. I guess I would
Speaker 1: say that, yeah, you've already got one miracle, and just
Speaker 1: really enjoy every moment of that. How to get rid
Speaker 1: of the dummy. My baby is two years and four months.
Speaker 1: Lenny was almost three when he got rid of the
Speaker 1: dummy completely. Everyone has different advice about when to get
Speaker 1: rid of the dummy. I reckon you do what's right
Speaker 1: for you, or whoever is giving you advice that you're trusting,
Speaker 1: because I just think like, let's take a little bit
Speaker 1: of pressure off ourselves. Everyone that was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: but they're going to need dental work. Sorry, Me and
Speaker 1: my husband have both had braces twice. Okay, he is
Speaker 1: going to need dental work anyway. Things aren't looking good
Speaker 1: in the mouth department. If it's not affecting this speech
Speaker 1: too much, I don't know, is it really something that
Speaker 1: we're going to worry about. They're not going to be
Speaker 1: taking a dummy to school with them, are they. So
Speaker 1: from about two we moved the dummy to just bedtime
Speaker 1: and nap time or like a car trip or whatnot.
Speaker 1: My thing was three. Because the pediatric that we have
Speaker 1: used since Lennie was really little, I just go by
Speaker 1: what he says okay, because I think it's easier just
Speaker 1: to follow one person's advice rather than listening to twelve
Speaker 1: million different people's advice. That's why I mean what I
Speaker 1: mean when I say, you find one person, follow their advice,
Speaker 1: he said. At Lenny's two year old checkup, I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: he still has a dummy. He was like, don't worry
Speaker 1: about it, just get rid of it by three. I'm
Speaker 1: a stickler for the rules and I'm scared of authority.
Speaker 1: So a couple of weeks before his third birthday, I
Speaker 1: was like, ah, no, we need to get rid of
Speaker 1: it now before I take him for his three year
Speaker 1: check up. For Lenny, I simply said to him one night,
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, Bud, you're a big boy now.
Speaker 1: You don't need several forms of comfort. You can either
Speaker 1: sleep in mummy's bed, mummy and daddy's bed without a dummy,
Speaker 1: or you can sleep in your bed with the dummy.
Speaker 1: And I said this to him because I trusted my
Speaker 1: child and my knowledge of my child enough to know
Speaker 1: that hands down, he would choose to sleep in my
Speaker 1: bed with me as his comforter any day over the dummy.
Speaker 1: That's how he ended up in our bed full time,
Speaker 1: but without the dummy, so small wins right. He has
Speaker 1: actually since moved into his bed again without the dummy.
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was just as simple as that, like
Speaker 1: offering up something better the option they have to choose
Speaker 1: an option. Toddler's like to feel like they're in charge,
Speaker 1: so you need to sort of give them. You know,
Speaker 1: some people say that bribery is really bad. I think
Speaker 1: that bribery is great if it works. Give them something
Speaker 1: that they want more than the dummy. If you have
Speaker 1: like a really spiritual child that you can't just be like, oh,
Speaker 1: the dummy fairy or what other people use. And he
Speaker 1: still does have it. Sometimes he'll get it in the
Speaker 1: morning when he first wakes up for an hour or so.
Speaker 1: I don't care. He literally just wants to suck on
Speaker 1: it for comfort for an hour when he first wakes
Speaker 1: up in the morning. You know what, I don't want
Speaker 1: to speak twenty one for the first hour in the
Speaker 1: morning until I've had a cup of coffee. Really, we
Speaker 1: all have our little vice in the morning. I don't
Speaker 1: really care if that's what he wants. At this point
Speaker 1: of view, he's still really little help. I have a
Speaker 1: sister in law who can't help but overstep boundaries and interview.
Speaker 1: I hate conflict, but how can I get her to
Speaker 1: butt out? Well, she's not your sister. Get your partner
Speaker 1: to talk to her. That is so unfair that it's
Speaker 1: all on you. It's your partner's sister. Your partner needs
Speaker 1: to do the dirty work. Okay, that's all I have
Speaker 1: time for today. I've really enjoyed having a tipple with you.
Speaker 1: Hopefully you've found my advice a little bit entertaining, probably
Speaker 1: not that helpful, but you know, it is what it is.
Speaker 1: If you enjoyed this style of content, let me know
Speaker 1: because I can definitely do this once a month or
Speaker 1: so until Ms Keay Reese manages to rip her nipple
Speaker 1: away from Suki Bear. Her name's not Suki, it's Suki,
Speaker 1: but I like to call her Suki anyway. This episode
Speaker 1: was you know what, we can't even really say produced
Speaker 1: when it was this bad by myself Kelly McCarran, with
Speaker 1: the audio production by the delightful Maddie Joiner, who has
Speaker 1: to listen to this absolute mess. Apologies, please retin view
Speaker 1: or don't if you really didn't enjoy it, and I'll
Speaker 1: be back with you next week, hopefully, unless I throw
Speaker 1: another overwhelmed tantrum and can't give you anything with another
Speaker 1: episode of the Unhinged podcast for your Ears about the
Speaker 1: madness that is motherhood and everything in between.