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Speaker 1: You're listening to a MoMA Mia podcast. Hello, and welcome

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Speaker 1: to MoMA Mia out Loud.

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Speaker 2: It is Friday. The must look down because don't know

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Speaker 2: the date. It is Friday, the fourteenth of November.

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Speaker 1: And I am hollywayen Wright, and.

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Speaker 3: I am am Vernham and I'm Jesse Stevens and I

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Speaker 3: think we had a review recently that asked if we

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Speaker 3: were all intoxicated on Friday.

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Speaker 1: And the answer is yes. I got the same thing.

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Speaker 2: Someone said to me, sounds like day drinking. I'm like, well,

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Speaker 2: I'm glad we sound like day drinking, but we have

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Speaker 2: not actually been day drinking. No, that would be in

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Speaker 2: I don't know what kinds of.

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Speaker 1: Rules would be broken.

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Speaker 4: That's crazy, which is tapping on our.

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Speaker 2: Agenda for today on MoMA Mia out Loud. The productivity

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Speaker 2: advice that made me add to cart but then have

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Speaker 2: a life existential panic attack and canceled by.

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Speaker 1: My generation is doing certain things at a certain time

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Speaker 1: in the morning, and it is ruining my social life.

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Speaker 3: Okay, and Michelle Obama wants parenting influences to sit down

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Speaker 3: and listen to their elders, but not everyone is convinced.

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Speaker 1: But first, speaking of Friday, topics. It's time we talk

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Speaker 1: about squirting. This is not gonna help.

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Speaker 2: This is not gonna help with the perception that we've

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Speaker 2: all had bubbles.

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Speaker 1: Well that's better than the way I was going to

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Speaker 1: previously introduce this topic, which was, do you guys squirre?

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Speaker 2: I haven't had a bubbles and she's pregnant. We can't

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Speaker 2: have that discussion.

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Speaker 1: We can, we can, Okay. So an anonymous column was

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Speaker 1: posted on Mamma Mia earlier this week and the title

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Speaker 1: was I'm a woman who squirts during sex. We need

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Speaker 1: to talk about it.

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Speaker 4: I saw that headline and I went, do we continue?

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Speaker 1: And also you might be getting to this, but when

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Speaker 1: you say.

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Speaker 4: Squirt, yeah, I need way more informations.

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Speaker 1: Also known as gushing or female ejaculation.

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Speaker 2: Right, So it's when an orgasm in a woman actually

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Speaker 2: produces fluid they or may not shoot across the room.

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Speaker 4: And where does it come from?

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Speaker 1: So it comes from urethra and it's a mix of

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Speaker 1: different fluid, but it's vaginal fluid. A lot of people

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Speaker 1: thought it was just urine, but it's like a mix

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Speaker 1: of everything.

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Speaker 4: Wow, And some women can do it and some women can't.

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Speaker 2: Yes.

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Speaker 1: So this anonymous column she was basically talking about how

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Speaker 1: she was so embarrassed that she squirt, so she would

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Speaker 1: always avoid orgasming with partners, and then she got to

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Speaker 1: a point where she felt comfortable to do so because

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Speaker 1: with this woman and a lot of like my friends

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Speaker 1: who I know who are self acclaimed squirters or gushers

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Speaker 1: say that they can't orgasm without squirting.

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Speaker 3: So it's not like, yeah, it's not like you get

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Speaker 3: a choice or you do it on cue, because it

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Speaker 3: can be quite it can be something that I have

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Speaker 3: heard men in my life talk about from porn, like

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Speaker 3: it's almost like something that some men are really into.

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Speaker 3: And I've always been like, is that a myth?

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Speaker 1: Well, I know that there are some women who also

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Speaker 1: and this is really popular in porn as well, who

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Speaker 1: can squirt on command, which is what a lot of

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Speaker 1: videos see. It was just faking it. Well, there's a

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Speaker 1: fake videos, but they are like gushes. So I had

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Speaker 1: a friend when we were around eighteen years old, and

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Speaker 1: she told me that she gushes. That's what she said.

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Speaker 1: She gushes, and she has to buy a special blanket.

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Speaker 1: It's called a love blanket. It was just basically a

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Speaker 1: waterproof blanket, and hers was like neon purple. She's like,

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Speaker 1: it's her only color, Like we all need one of them,

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Speaker 1: and you just put it on your bed and then

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Speaker 1: you can have sex.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 2: It does occur to me that we should maybe put

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Speaker 2: a warning at the top.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry, squirting, but I wanted to read because our

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Speaker 1: post on Facebook had hundreds of comments. Yeah, so this story.

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Speaker 2: We put it up on Mamma Mia, as you say,

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Speaker 2: m and it has gone crazy, which is why we're

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Speaker 2: talking about it, because it's like, sure, you know, interesting

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Speaker 2: sex story. But no, everybody is very interested in the squirting,

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Speaker 2: especially men.

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Speaker 3: Oh god, I read they can't be half a cup

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Speaker 3: of fluid, Like that's how much you're talking.

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Speaker 1: I think it can be more.

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Speaker 4: That's a lot, because that's incredible.

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Speaker 1: How much you lose over a period or something. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: yea yeah, and I think you get quite dehydrated after.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I beg So it's a curse, not a blessing.

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Speaker 1: But some of the men I want to read other

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Speaker 1: comments because they made me giggle. One of them said,

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Speaker 1: men don't care if it's urine. Ladies, we're just happy

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Speaker 1: you had an orgasm strong enough to pee yourself.

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Speaker 2: That's rad Okay, it's not Peape, it's not he, so

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Speaker 2: he needs to take him by the hand.

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Speaker 1: Had an ex that was like a sprinkler. It never

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Speaker 1: bothered me, at least I knew I was doing the

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Speaker 1: job for her. A lot of them saying nothing better.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 4: They are feminist.

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Speaker 1: But there were some women in the comments saying, do

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Speaker 1: we actually need to talk about it? Oh?

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Speaker 4: That was probably my mum.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then the replies were other men going, yes,

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Speaker 1: what you do? I reckon that you can just see.

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Speaker 2: And I don't want to cast nostursions, as I would

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Speaker 2: say on the men in this common thread, but they

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Speaker 2: clearly see it's a bit of a badge of honor.

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Speaker 2: So once they have heard us discuss it, because they're like,

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Speaker 2: I made a woman squirt, That's how they're thinking, when actually, no,

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Speaker 2: she was gonna squirt.

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Speaker 1: She was gonna do it anyway. She was gonna squirt regardless.

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Speaker 3: You know what, though, for all the flaws of the internet,

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Speaker 3: like if you were someone who gushed or squirted or

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Speaker 3: whatever one hundred years ago, you're probably like, what on

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Speaker 3: earth is going on? You wouldn't have brought it up

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Speaker 3: with your friends. If there's one thing maybe porn has

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Speaker 3: given us. It's normalizing some of the things the body does.

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Speaker 3: And I'm sure there are squirting communities online subreddits like

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Speaker 3: minded Squirters and that is a beautiful thing. Who is

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Speaker 3: allowed to give parenting advice? According to my Instagram and

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Speaker 3: TikTok feeds literally anyone, but Michelle Obama recently announced that

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Speaker 3: if you have a three year old, she's not in

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Speaker 3: I feel personally.

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Speaker 1: Let's get this Jesse a half year old, w I.

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Speaker 4: Have some advice, Michelle.

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Speaker 3: Here is the former First Lady's take on young parenting influences.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, lady, Oh wait, let me hear what you

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Speaker 2: think when they're twenty seven.

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Speaker 1: And that's when I'll think your advice. I mean, it's great,

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe you can tell me about the lady stroller,

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Speaker 1: but that is it. Otherwise you were insecure and losing sleep.

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Speaker 1: You don't know what you're doing because I don't.

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Speaker 5: Know that you're right.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to see the product. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what your theory is made. Why are listening to the

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Speaker 1: young mother? I want to talk to a woman that

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Speaker 1: reads the First Lady. I want to hear what she did.

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Speaker 5: But we see we don't do you know, all parent

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Speaker 5: bloggers should be wrong?

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Speaker 2: People interesting interesting Michelle.

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Speaker 3: So she was quite adamant in her stand And the

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Speaker 3: interesting part of this story is that the comments were

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Speaker 3: firmly divided. Lots of applause, lots of I completely agreem

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Speaker 3: Mi Sheelle, But equally there were people saying, no, no, no,

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Speaker 3: I need people that are in the trenches. I ask

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Speaker 3: my mum or my grandmother for advice and they can't

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Speaker 3: remember anything about childhood, right, Holly, who should we be

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Speaker 3: taking parenting advice off?

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Speaker 2: Look, I don't like to contradict the former first Lady,

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Speaker 2: because you know, she's amazing in every way. When I've

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Speaker 2: watched this, I'm like, I wonder what the conversation just

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Speaker 2: before was, because I.

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Speaker 1: Haven't seen the whole thing.

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Speaker 2: But it depends what advice you're looking for, right Because

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Speaker 2: if you're like, how to produce an amazing, successful, happy,

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Speaker 2: well adjusted human, she's correct, right, Like, until you see

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Speaker 2: the end product, how would we know.

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Speaker 1: But if it's how do I get some sleep?

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Speaker 2: You ask someone in the trenches, because, as you already

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Speaker 2: rightly pointed out, Jesse, my kids are teenagers, so we're

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Speaker 2: not I mean, I don't know if you're ever finished.

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Speaker 1: But we're not finished.

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Speaker 2: But if you ask me about you know, tea baby

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Speaker 2: led weening that I can't remember, blocked.

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Speaker 1: All that shit out and I don't care.

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Speaker 2: So it's like it depends what you want. I think

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Speaker 2: her point about parenting influences should be grown people. I

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Speaker 2: think parenting experts should probably be because I think probably

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Speaker 2: what she's getting at is that big, mushy ocean of stuff,

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Speaker 2: which is like, if you let your baby cry, they

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Speaker 2: will be insecure. If you don't let your baby cry,

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Speaker 2: they will be people pleasers. If you you know that

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Speaker 2: kind of advice that makes every decision you make in

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Speaker 2: infant world means something in adult world, then how could

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Speaker 2: you possibly know until that you've got to the end results.

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Speaker 2: So she's right, But if it's just like how do

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Speaker 2: I get them to stop throwing the carrot at my head?

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Speaker 2: Then you need someone in the trenches.

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Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, exactly right.

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Speaker 3: I understand her point, but I think what she's missing

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Speaker 3: is something that I'm going to call like parental amnesia,

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Speaker 3: which is even with my mum, I've gone, can you

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Speaker 3: remember sleep?

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Speaker 4: And she goes you all slept? Like how much?

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Speaker 3: When I've asked her about solids and she insists she

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Speaker 3: never started us on solids.

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Speaker 4: She has no memory of it. And I'm like, I don't.

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Speaker 3: Eat mush like I do eat sandwiches and stuff, so

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Speaker 3: at some point solids were introduced. And what you feel

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Speaker 3: like when you're in this, like you know with little kids,

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Speaker 3: is you need someone a few months ahead, even years

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Speaker 3: isn't right. I've got a friend who just had a

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Speaker 3: newborn baby and he was like, I'm looking at this

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Speaker 3: basinet blah blah blah blah blah.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, we never had a battinet. It's

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Speaker 4: like that was two years.

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Speaker 3: Ago, and yes, you did, completely forgot. What do you reckon?

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Speaker 3: M Because look, there are all these different influences. I

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Speaker 3: suppose some of them don't have kids, aren't experts, aren't researchers,

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Speaker 3: and they have a lot of thoughts on screen time,

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Speaker 3: and I must say that riles me up. I go,

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Speaker 3: you sit down, you sit down, you say something when

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Speaker 3: you've got like a sick four year old, and then

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Speaker 3: you're allowed to have an opinion.

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Speaker 4: What do you reckon? Who gets to say?

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Speaker 1: It's really funny because I think now more than ever,

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Speaker 1: my mom gets asked for parenting advice all the time.

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Speaker 2: I would ask your mom for parenting advice. To Michelle

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Speaker 2: Obama's point, like ask Marian Robinson who raised the first Lady.

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Speaker 2: I want to ask Missus Vernon who raised Emily Vernon.

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Speaker 1: But they don't know. I was such a shitty child.

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Speaker 1: I was such a brat, like an actual awful child,

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Speaker 1: to the point where my mom was like, yeah, you were.

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Speaker 1: You were bad. And I think in what way, like

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Speaker 1: as a little kid, as a teenager, as what like

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Speaker 1: a little kid, probably up until the age of like

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Speaker 1: thirteen fourteen, I was just horrible. I was just one

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Speaker 1: of those like typical Brady kids you would see on

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Speaker 1: TV where it was just like all about me. Up

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Speaker 1: until I was twelve. I wanted to be the one

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Speaker 1: to blood candles on the cake. And I was twelve.

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Speaker 1: I was grown.

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Speaker 3: Okay, So if you were bratty, maybe your parents adopted

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Speaker 3: Dax Shepherds. Oh yes, because Holly, you were listening to

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Speaker 3: a Dak's episode the other day.

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Speaker 2: I actually love it when famous people tell on his

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Speaker 2: stories about their parenting. But Dax Shepherd was interviewing Reese

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Speaker 2: with a spoon. You might have heard of her I

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Speaker 2: don't know. He recently bought a place in Nashville and

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Speaker 2: so he hangs out there a lot now in the South,

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Speaker 2: and that's also.

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Speaker 1: Where Reese lives, where all the cool people live.

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Speaker 2: And he was talking about the difference between like La

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Speaker 2: parenting and Southern parenting, and he told this story about

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Speaker 2: being out for dinner with.

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Speaker 5: His daughters, which is where I'm out to eat with

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Speaker 5: our really two best friends there and I fucking love them.

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Speaker 5: You know them now, I do? She says to me,

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Speaker 5: my friend, they're kind of shook with how our daughters

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Speaker 5: will talk back to us or to anybody. Okay, because

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Speaker 5: it's very Unsouthern right down there. Everyone's like, hi, miss Kristen, Hi,

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Speaker 5: mister Dax.

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Speaker 1: Yes, this this whole you.

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Speaker 5: You're a kid and you and there's value to that.

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Speaker 5: There's something I appreciate about that. And she's like, yeah,

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Speaker 5: your kids let it rip. Like they have not seem

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Speaker 5: to have no kind of respect, is what she was saying.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, and.

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Speaker 5: Like feeling a little entitled. And I said, you're dead right. Oh,

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Speaker 5: they do talk back and they are not respectful. And

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Speaker 5: I can understand where that seems like completely unrelieved, But

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Speaker 5: I want you to know what I'm prioritizing, which is

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Speaker 5: like when they're nineteen and their bosses are fucking creep,

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Speaker 5: I want them to talk back. I want them to

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Speaker 5: be disrespectful. I want them to always advocate for themselves

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Speaker 5: whether I think they're right or wrong. And yeah, I'm

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Speaker 5: willing to deal with this thing that is embarrassing at

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Speaker 5: a restaurant for y'all. But I can deal with that.

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Speaker 5: I can handle that, okay, because I want this other

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Speaker 5: thing for them as women.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that interesting When I think about that, though I

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Speaker 2: didn't like that.

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Speaker 1: I think I was raised to be respectful, just shitty.

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Speaker 1: And then I also think that if you're raised to

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Speaker 1: like talk back at your parents, I can tell the

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Speaker 1: people now around me as like late twenties who were

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Speaker 1: definitely allowed to talk back to their parents.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 3: It's like parenting is a long game, right, Yeah, And

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Speaker 3: there are definitely moments I was a little bit bratty.

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Speaker 3: I've all asked four kids, I was the brat pushed

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Speaker 3: back a lot and could be rude and all that

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Speaker 3: kind of stuff. But there were things that were said

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Speaker 3: to me and I was promanded for that in the

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Speaker 3: moment I didn't respond to, but as an adult stuck.

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Speaker 3: So I think in fact Dak Shepherd's advice reminded me

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Speaker 3: of something which is also that you get the kid

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Speaker 3: you get right, Like he clearly has a particular set

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Speaker 3: of children, and then you work with them. It's like

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Speaker 3: your gardening, Holly, right, You're like pouring water on a

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Speaker 3: particular plant, and the plants are.

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Speaker 4: Not all going to grow the same, and you've got

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Speaker 4: to work with the plants of.

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Speaker 1: The god trying hard.

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Speaker 3: No, no, exactly, and some kids aren't trying hard.

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Speaker 1: Look, I think it's interesting advice. Well it's not.

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Speaker 2: He's not giving anyone advice. He's just saying this is

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Speaker 2: what we do. Obviously, nobody wants a brady kid. And

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Speaker 2: very often what you hear celebrities say is like, my

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Speaker 2: kids are so polite. It tells you various things. A.

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Speaker 2: Their kids spend a lot of time in fancy restaurants, yes,

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Speaker 2: and that they have famous parents, so everyone's falling all

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Speaker 2: over them all the time. So they're like counterprogramming to

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Speaker 2: make sure their kids are like thank you, thank you, thank.

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Speaker 4: You, and you must tip the weight start.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, let's remember that their children are growing up in

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Speaker 2: a particular bubble. But I think he's got a point.

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Speaker 2: If you raise kids, particularly girls, from the very early

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Speaker 2: age to say you never talk back to adults, you're

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Speaker 2: never rude, you never say no.

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Speaker 1: Like that's where you get to this.

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Speaker 2: Point of like give uncle so and so a hug

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Speaker 2: when you know, we're trying to instill in little girls

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Speaker 2: that they get a choice of what they do with

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Speaker 2: themselves and their bodies and all those things. And I

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Speaker 2: know that sounds complicated, but that's what he means, right,

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Speaker 2: he means I don't want my kids to just feel

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Speaker 2: like they always have to say yes to every adult

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Speaker 2: and that they always put their needs last.

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Speaker 1: And I get it.

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Speaker 2: You know, one person's talking back is just another person's

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Speaker 2: having a discussion.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 2: Like my kids, they're not allowed to be rude to us,

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Speaker 2: absolutely not. But it doesn't mean that everything we say

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Speaker 2: they have to say yes, you know what I mean, yes, mum,

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Speaker 2: absolutely mum, or anything that any other adults says to them,

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Speaker 2: they have to go.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, yes.

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Speaker 2: Like I think what he's trying to say is I'm

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Speaker 2: trying to allow them to have autonomy. And this is

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Speaker 2: why this is also interesting with the Michelle Obama business

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Speaker 2: is it's like the job of parenting tiny kids is

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Speaker 2: keep them alive, teach them to eat, teach him to walk,

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Speaker 2: teach them to be able to get around the world

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Speaker 2: without bumping their head on stuff.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but the long.

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Speaker 2: Game of parenting is to try and breed an independent

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Speaker 2: human who can go out into the world and be useful.

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Speaker 2: And in that lens, I think his advice is solid.

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Speaker 1: I also think it changes generation to generation. Like I

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Speaker 1: was thinking about and I had like a really honest

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Speaker 1: conversation with my mum about this, and she was saying

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Speaker 1: that the one thing that she regretted raising me and

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Speaker 1: my sister was actually wished she talked to us more

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Speaker 1: like kind of like have discussions with us like as adults,

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Speaker 1: because I do remember as a kid, and I don't

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Speaker 1: think this really affected me. But when she said that,

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Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, I do remember that. It

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Speaker 1: was very much like the adults are talking now, and

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Speaker 1: then we were had to being brought into the conversation.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's so true for that generation because

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Speaker 1: all my friends had similar experiences. And I think what

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Speaker 1: Michelle Obama is talking about, she's talking about taking advice

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Speaker 1: from parents who kind of parented their kids such a

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Speaker 1: different way to how parents are parenting their kids now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well we all get given a different raw book

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Speaker 3: and very controversial intellectual I suppose you'd call him, although

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Speaker 3: since a bit disgraced Jordan Peterson.

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Speaker 1: Oh, and we're bringing out the Jordan.

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Speaker 3: We're bringing up the Jordan Peterson because this advice again

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Speaker 3: very controversial, but I think it's got some weight, which is,

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Speaker 3: your job is to raise a kid, and this word

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Speaker 3: is loaded, but who's likable?

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Speaker 4: Like if your kid is.

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Speaker 3: Being unlikable and antisocial in the playground, part of your

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Speaker 3: job is to prepare them for That's the question too.

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Speaker 3: I suppose do you try and change the world for

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Speaker 3: your kid or do you try and change your kid

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Speaker 3: for the world? And is it constantly a dance? And

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Speaker 3: I suppose it's always it's a dance, And parenting it's

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Speaker 3: zooming in and out right.

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Speaker 2: That advice makes me want to lose my mind. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because I am a people pleaser who likes people to

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Speaker 2: like me, and I can see it in my daughter

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Speaker 2: very much. And there's a bit of you. It's very

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Speaker 2: unfashionable to be a people pleaser these days. So there's

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Speaker 2: a bit of you that kind of pushes back against that.

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Speaker 2: But also the advice I'll give her a lot of

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Speaker 2: the time is like kill them with kindness, you know,

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Speaker 2: like turn the other cheek, don't make a fuss, Like

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Speaker 2: you're much more likely to get what you want, if

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Speaker 2: you're polite and lovely, whatever, all that kind of stuff,

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Speaker 2: which is very people please advice.

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Speaker 1: But then I have another kid who's completely.

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Speaker 2: Different, and I'm sure there are plenty of people who

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Speaker 2: might think he's rude or unlikable in certain situations, but

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Speaker 2: he's just wired differently, and so all blanket parenting advice

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Speaker 2: is kind of terrible.

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Speaker 1: Really. Yeah, yeah, but.

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Speaker 2: I want to know one last thing from m because

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Speaker 2: you don't have kids yet, and a lot of your

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Speaker 2: friends don't have kids yet, but soon you're going to

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Speaker 2: be surrounded by tiny children because all your friends are

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Speaker 2: going to start having kids because you go to so

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Speaker 2: many weddings, and that's how it works, is that you're

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Speaker 2: going to have a lot of thoughts. Yeah, and I

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Speaker 2: want to know if people who don't have kids are

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Speaker 2: allowed or I think we're allowed.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm surrounded by kids, I see your kids, I

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Speaker 1: see what they're doing.

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Speaker 4: I always do you have opinions?

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Speaker 1: I do have a pinion. Okay, I love that There's

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Speaker 1: no way and I'm speaking as a non parent, but

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Speaker 1: there's no way you can nail parenting from birth to

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Speaker 1: age eighteen. And I've seen this firsthand, like twenty seven,

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Speaker 1: Michelle Obama says, or twenty nine like me, who's still

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Speaker 1: being parented every single day, there's no way you can

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Speaker 1: nail that. And I feel like even like my parents

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Speaker 1: would say they were like some years we nailed, like

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Speaker 1: when you were sixteen, nailed that. When you were eight,

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Speaker 1: probably didn't nail that as much. So I would say, like,

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Speaker 1: if I have kids, the advice I would take from

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Speaker 1: other parents would be the age that I like their

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Speaker 1: kid the most. I'd be like, oh, my kid's coming

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Speaker 1: up to nine. I remember I really like Luna when

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Speaker 1: she was nine, Jesse, how should I do this?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: So, ultimately, we always like kids who are nice to us.

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Speaker 2: Like you always back to that thing about teaching your

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Speaker 2: kids to be nice to people. People always like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I love Luna because when I see Luna she likes me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, she's like you, Holly. So I think that you

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Speaker 4: should lean into.

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Speaker 2: That out loud as in a moment two things that

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Speaker 2: are very two types of people ish, dawn and death.

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Speaker 3: We've got a listener dilemma, and we need your collective

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Speaker 3: wisdom to help us and our partners UI solve it.

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Speaker 1: Please.

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Speaker 3: Here is the problem from our listener. Our school mum's

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Speaker 3: group is planning an end of year celebration for our

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Speaker 3: kids finishing primary school, and as someone who split from

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Speaker 3: my husband earlier this year, I'm more keen than ever

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Speaker 3: to keep this social connection, so I rsvped straight away.

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Speaker 3: I've now found out it's a set menu and the

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Speaker 3: package is eighty dollars per person, and we're all expected

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Speaker 3: to bring a twenty dollars Chris Kringle present.

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Speaker 4: My budget is tighter than ever.

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Speaker 3: I cannot justify this kind of spending on a night out.

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Speaker 3: I didn't realize it was going to be a sit

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Speaker 3: down set menu. I thought I could eat before and

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Speaker 3: just come along and buy my own drinks. I feel

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Speaker 3: embarrassed telling the whole year group I can't afford it,

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Speaker 3: but I don't know how to get around it now.

439
00:20:07,114 --> 00:20:08,834
Speaker 3: Some of the women I don't know very well, but

440
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:11,353
Speaker 3: i'd like to, and many of our children will go

441
00:20:11,394 --> 00:20:13,514
Speaker 3: on to high school together, so it's not like I'll

442
00:20:13,514 --> 00:20:16,154
Speaker 3: never see them again. Plus I really want to go.

443
00:20:16,514 --> 00:20:19,234
Speaker 3: What should I do next? What do we reckon?

444
00:20:19,314 --> 00:20:22,074
Speaker 1: And what did she do? The money thing is so

445
00:20:22,074 --> 00:20:24,434
Speaker 1: so tough, But I would say that I feel like

446
00:20:24,754 --> 00:20:28,513
Speaker 1: you would feel best not going instead of trying to

447
00:20:28,554 --> 00:20:30,554
Speaker 1: go and feeling just really uncomfortable with how much you're paying.

448
00:20:30,674 --> 00:20:33,434
Speaker 1: So I would say you can't make this one, but

449
00:20:33,514 --> 00:20:35,793
Speaker 1: say that you really love to hang out again, and

450
00:20:35,914 --> 00:20:37,674
Speaker 1: plan the next one and make it like a picnic

451
00:20:37,754 --> 00:20:39,514
Speaker 1: or going to see a movie or something like that.

452
00:20:39,714 --> 00:20:42,154
Speaker 2: No way, she's got to go. She's one hundred percent

453
00:20:42,434 --> 00:20:45,513
Speaker 2: got to go. No, she wants to go. That's the

454
00:20:45,594 --> 00:20:47,954
Speaker 2: number one thing she really wants to She really wants

455
00:20:47,954 --> 00:20:51,033
Speaker 2: to build these connections. She really thinks it's important she

456
00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:53,434
Speaker 2: should go. She should say to them.

457
00:20:53,474 --> 00:20:55,194
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna eat, I'll come a bit later.

458
00:20:55,394 --> 00:20:56,674
Speaker 2: Just make something up. If you don't want to tell

459
00:20:56,674 --> 00:20:58,474
Speaker 2: people you don't want to pay the ability, you say, oh,

460
00:20:58,594 --> 00:21:00,874
Speaker 2: i've got a thing till seven thirty or whatever, so

461
00:21:00,874 --> 00:21:02,354
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna eat because I'll eat that and I'll

462
00:21:02,394 --> 00:21:05,754
Speaker 2: just come for drinks and they'll deal every social situation

463
00:21:05,954 --> 00:21:07,954
Speaker 2: knows how to do that. They just will leave her

464
00:21:07,954 --> 00:21:09,994
Speaker 2: off the bill. She can go and buy her own

465
00:21:10,074 --> 00:21:13,794
Speaker 2: drinks and it'll be fine. Okay, that you should definitely go,

466
00:21:13,874 --> 00:21:15,914
Speaker 2: because I think it would be different if she didn't

467
00:21:15,954 --> 00:21:18,354
Speaker 2: want to go and she just felt obligated to go

468
00:21:18,434 --> 00:21:20,954
Speaker 2: because you know, these are most school parents blah blah blah,

469
00:21:20,994 --> 00:21:23,874
Speaker 2: and I should then I would say stay home, like

470
00:21:23,994 --> 00:21:26,714
Speaker 2: save the money, stay home, But she really wants to.

471
00:21:26,914 --> 00:21:29,274
Speaker 2: She knows it's socially important. Go.

472
00:21:29,754 --> 00:21:32,194
Speaker 1: Don't spend the money. Just say what if all the

473
00:21:32,194 --> 00:21:33,794
Speaker 1: inside jokes happened during the dinner?

474
00:21:33,874 --> 00:21:35,793
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then you feel like a blow in and you're.

475
00:21:36,514 --> 00:21:38,714
Speaker 2: Just turn up half an hour late, pull a chair

476
00:21:38,794 --> 00:21:40,273
Speaker 2: up to the table and join in.

477
00:21:40,434 --> 00:21:43,114
Speaker 4: Okay, no, I'm on board. I quite like that. Out louders,

478
00:21:43,194 --> 00:21:45,034
Speaker 4: let us know what you would do next.

479
00:21:45,074 --> 00:21:48,194
Speaker 3: Share your thoughts in the mummeya outloud Facebook group and

480
00:21:48,354 --> 00:21:50,273
Speaker 3: if you have a dilemma, you can send it to

481
00:21:50,354 --> 00:21:53,434
Speaker 3: us at out loud at mummea dot com. Donna you,

482
00:21:53,554 --> 00:21:54,714
Speaker 3: we would love to help.

483
00:21:55,674 --> 00:21:59,594
Speaker 2: Motivation and productivity gurus are really pulling out the big

484
00:21:59,634 --> 00:22:03,234
Speaker 2: guns to get our lazy asses of the couch.

485
00:22:03,394 --> 00:22:06,314
Speaker 3: What do you mean, your motivation isn't peaking On November

486
00:22:06,314 --> 00:22:08,354
Speaker 3: the fourteenth.

487
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:10,874
Speaker 2: We've got a couple of weeks left of the year

488
00:22:11,194 --> 00:22:15,313
Speaker 2: and they're really pulling out, Like you can do serious stuff.

489
00:22:15,314 --> 00:22:18,434
Speaker 2: It's so close, And tell me about the productivity advice

490
00:22:18,474 --> 00:22:20,154
Speaker 2: that provokes you to put it in the channel of

491
00:22:20,194 --> 00:22:22,234
Speaker 2: things we discuss and go Is this a joke?

492
00:22:23,554 --> 00:22:26,354
Speaker 1: It was an article in The Guardian and it was

493
00:22:26,394 --> 00:22:29,994
Speaker 1: a collection of seventeen top tips from experts on how

494
00:22:29,994 --> 00:22:31,194
Speaker 1: to stay motivated.

495
00:22:31,354 --> 00:22:33,474
Speaker 4: The fact you clicked is really.

496
00:22:34,914 --> 00:22:37,674
Speaker 2: I was like, She's like, have I got the motivation

497
00:22:37,794 --> 00:22:39,434
Speaker 2: to click on this story?

498
00:22:39,514 --> 00:22:40,793
Speaker 4: Oh no, it was three pm.

499
00:22:40,994 --> 00:22:43,154
Speaker 1: I was basically just clicking on it to see how

500
00:22:43,154 --> 00:22:44,514
Speaker 1: can I do my whole job in two hours?

501
00:22:44,594 --> 00:22:44,834
Speaker 3: Yeah?

502
00:22:44,914 --> 00:22:47,394
Speaker 1: Yeah, I didn't get any of that advice. One piece

503
00:22:47,434 --> 00:22:50,594
Speaker 1: of advice came from an author named Austin Kleon, and

504
00:22:50,634 --> 00:22:55,114
Speaker 1: he said two things motivate me. Death and deadlines. The

505
00:22:55,194 --> 00:22:58,394
Speaker 1: easiest and most enjoyable way to keep death ever present

506
00:22:58,514 --> 00:23:01,313
Speaker 1: in the mind is to read the obituaries every morning.

507
00:23:01,634 --> 00:23:04,154
Speaker 1: When I read about people who did something with their lives,

508
00:23:04,274 --> 00:23:06,434
Speaker 1: it makes me want to do something with mine. So

509
00:23:06,514 --> 00:23:08,674
Speaker 1: I put this in our out loud channel, where we

510
00:23:08,674 --> 00:23:10,554
Speaker 1: talk about topics you want to discuss on the podcast,

511
00:23:10,554 --> 00:23:13,834
Speaker 1: and I was like, isn't this crazy expecting you guys

512
00:23:13,874 --> 00:23:14,874
Speaker 1: to all agree.

513
00:23:14,594 --> 00:23:20,073
Speaker 2: And we went, oh, well, it reminded me of something

514
00:23:20,154 --> 00:23:22,034
Speaker 2: that I did recently that I need some counseling about

515
00:23:22,074 --> 00:23:25,114
Speaker 2: that's in this thing, because suddenly I'm seeing this talked

516
00:23:25,114 --> 00:23:28,594
Speaker 2: about a lot in lots of motivational and coaching places

517
00:23:28,634 --> 00:23:32,074
Speaker 2: about like keep death close, which I know sounds really dark,

518
00:23:32,434 --> 00:23:35,314
Speaker 2: but the idea is is that if you have very

519
00:23:35,394 --> 00:23:38,154
Speaker 2: real idea of that deadline, you're more likely to make

520
00:23:38,154 --> 00:23:41,313
Speaker 2: the decisions that matter. Right, That's the theory. And I

521
00:23:41,354 --> 00:23:43,994
Speaker 2: interviewed this amazing woman recently called Kemy Neck for Pill

522
00:23:44,154 --> 00:23:46,754
Speaker 2: and she is an executive coach and she's trained with

523
00:23:46,834 --> 00:23:49,513
Speaker 2: Brene Brown, and she's the real deal. She's Aussie and

524
00:23:49,554 --> 00:23:52,194
Speaker 2: in her book she talked about these posters you could

525
00:23:52,234 --> 00:23:56,314
Speaker 2: buy that kind of give you a literal visual countdown

526
00:23:56,394 --> 00:23:59,034
Speaker 2: of how much time you've got left. And the idea

527
00:23:59,114 --> 00:24:01,674
Speaker 2: is that every Monday you color in a little square

528
00:24:02,154 --> 00:24:04,793
Speaker 2: and it makes you visually see, oh my god, like

529
00:24:04,834 --> 00:24:06,914
Speaker 2: time is ticking down. And the idea is it's supposed

530
00:24:06,954 --> 00:24:09,674
Speaker 2: to motivate you. And I went and looked at these

531
00:24:09,714 --> 00:24:12,474
Speaker 2: posters are called four K weeks, and they're very stylish

532
00:24:12,514 --> 00:24:14,793
Speaker 2: and like cool looking. When you put your birthday in,

533
00:24:15,354 --> 00:24:17,674
Speaker 2: obviously they don't know when you're going to die, like

534
00:24:17,714 --> 00:24:19,514
Speaker 2: they're just some bros on the internet, but they don't

535
00:24:19,554 --> 00:24:23,114
Speaker 2: know when you're going to die. But your gender, your birthplace,

536
00:24:23,314 --> 00:24:26,434
Speaker 2: obviously a birth date. They give you the estimate and

537
00:24:26,474 --> 00:24:27,874
Speaker 2: what you do is you put it in and you

538
00:24:27,954 --> 00:24:30,754
Speaker 2: press preview or whatever, and it brings up your poster

539
00:24:30,834 --> 00:24:33,634
Speaker 2: and the idea ideally, because the weeks that you've lived

540
00:24:33,634 --> 00:24:36,954
Speaker 2: are all colored in black, and the weeks you've got

541
00:24:36,994 --> 00:24:38,354
Speaker 2: to live are all white.

542
00:24:38,114 --> 00:24:40,954
Speaker 1: And plain colored and black. Nothing fun like a yellow.

543
00:24:41,154 --> 00:24:43,194
Speaker 2: It's very monochrome because I think it's like supposed to

544
00:24:43,234 --> 00:24:43,754
Speaker 2: be cool.

545
00:24:43,714 --> 00:24:45,154
Speaker 1: Like a graphic design exactly.

546
00:24:45,594 --> 00:24:48,794
Speaker 2: And I put in my birth date everything, and I

547
00:24:48,834 --> 00:24:51,554
Speaker 2: saw how much black there was in my chart and

548
00:24:51,594 --> 00:24:53,554
Speaker 2: how there was just this band of white at the bottom,

549
00:24:53,594 --> 00:24:54,513
Speaker 2: and I was like, I can't do that.

550
00:24:54,634 --> 00:24:57,073
Speaker 1: I can't do that, and I had like a hyper ventilation.

551
00:24:58,154 --> 00:25:01,714
Speaker 2: But I want to chart a different chart, different chart again.

552
00:25:02,074 --> 00:25:02,434
Speaker 1: I want that.

553
00:25:02,514 --> 00:25:04,434
Speaker 3: Holly was showing me and it was set to nineteen

554
00:25:04,514 --> 00:25:06,234
Speaker 3: ninety four and I was like, Holly, that's.

555
00:25:08,794 --> 00:25:14,354
Speaker 2: I'm lying because I get the theory, and you subscribe

556
00:25:14,354 --> 00:25:15,434
Speaker 2: to this theory, right.

557
00:25:15,354 --> 00:25:19,154
Speaker 3: Jesse, I am obsessed with this theory. I thought him

558
00:25:19,194 --> 00:25:23,033
Speaker 3: saying death and deadlines. I was like, mate, death is

559
00:25:23,114 --> 00:25:26,914
Speaker 3: the deadline, Like that is the old deadline deadline. And

560
00:25:26,954 --> 00:25:30,954
Speaker 3: we've talked about how there's this pressure or urgency that

561
00:25:31,074 --> 00:25:33,273
Speaker 3: deadlines in life give us. That you'll never write a

562
00:25:33,274 --> 00:25:34,994
Speaker 3: book if you don't have a deadline, and we'd never

563
00:25:35,034 --> 00:25:36,714
Speaker 3: record this podcast. We've enough to sit down in a

564
00:25:36,754 --> 00:25:41,314
Speaker 3: particular time. But the knowledge that there's this looming thing,

565
00:25:41,554 --> 00:25:46,474
Speaker 3: that everything is finite, I just find it incredibly clarifying.

566
00:25:47,074 --> 00:25:50,194
Speaker 3: And I am obsessed with death, Like I think about

567
00:25:50,234 --> 00:25:54,314
Speaker 3: it constantly, and my big thing is head down, touch

568
00:25:54,354 --> 00:25:57,794
Speaker 3: the pillow, Like I've got some association with it where

569
00:25:57,874 --> 00:25:59,513
Speaker 3: I then just go, you can die one day, And

570
00:25:59,554 --> 00:26:00,834
Speaker 3: I like, sometimes.

571
00:26:00,714 --> 00:26:01,434
Speaker 1: Does it freak you out?

572
00:26:01,474 --> 00:26:03,874
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, so, does that freak you out?

573
00:26:04,034 --> 00:26:06,513
Speaker 2: Or does that make you go so tomorrow I'm going

574
00:26:06,554 --> 00:26:06,954
Speaker 2: to be my best?

575
00:26:07,514 --> 00:26:08,874
Speaker 4: Yeah? No, it does both.

576
00:26:09,114 --> 00:26:11,834
Speaker 3: So I was recommended by a psychologist a book to

577
00:26:11,874 --> 00:26:14,874
Speaker 3: read called Staring at the Sun, which is all about death, anxiety,

578
00:26:15,034 --> 00:26:16,234
Speaker 3: and I read it, and it was meant to make

579
00:26:16,234 --> 00:26:17,954
Speaker 3: me feel better. It didn't make me feel better at all.

580
00:26:18,674 --> 00:26:21,434
Speaker 3: But I think the anxiety is the point. It's like,

581
00:26:22,114 --> 00:26:26,594
Speaker 3: it makes you double down on your values, it makes

582
00:26:26,634 --> 00:26:31,434
Speaker 3: you remember what's important. And I think that to avoid

583
00:26:31,474 --> 00:26:33,273
Speaker 3: it is to trick yourself into thinking that you have

584
00:26:33,314 --> 00:26:34,994
Speaker 3: all the time in the world, Like I can't think

585
00:26:35,034 --> 00:26:37,513
Speaker 3: of any other way to motivate myself. Like you know,

586
00:26:37,514 --> 00:26:39,514
Speaker 3: when you watch a black and white movie and you go,

587
00:26:40,034 --> 00:26:40,874
Speaker 3: they're all dead.

588
00:26:41,634 --> 00:26:44,954
Speaker 1: I do you ever think that someone who loved them?

589
00:26:46,354 --> 00:26:48,594
Speaker 2: I did think that, But I think this is one

590
00:26:48,594 --> 00:26:50,834
Speaker 2: of those two types of people think Y's right. Yeah,

591
00:26:50,874 --> 00:26:52,354
Speaker 2: And I'm going to ask you and in a minute,

592
00:26:52,394 --> 00:26:53,714
Speaker 2: But first I want to play you a little bit

593
00:26:53,714 --> 00:26:57,354
Speaker 2: of what Kemmy told me about how she thinks. For example,

594
00:26:57,394 --> 00:27:00,513
Speaker 2: the example she was talking about here is quitting a

595
00:27:00,594 --> 00:27:01,833
Speaker 2: job that you don't like, right.

596
00:27:01,874 --> 00:27:02,714
Speaker 1: I know that's not the case.

597
00:27:02,754 --> 00:27:05,074
Speaker 2: You love your job, but like she's using it as

598
00:27:05,114 --> 00:27:07,234
Speaker 2: a thing of like, if something in your life is

599
00:27:07,274 --> 00:27:10,074
Speaker 2: not working for you, it can be a very good

600
00:27:10,114 --> 00:27:12,834
Speaker 2: filter to decide whether or not to listen to this bit.

601
00:27:12,994 --> 00:27:15,114
Speaker 6: For some people's success is putting food on the table.

602
00:27:15,394 --> 00:27:18,194
Speaker 6: And their identity is not tied to their work. If

603
00:27:18,194 --> 00:27:20,833
Speaker 6: your identity is so tied to your work that you

604
00:27:20,874 --> 00:27:24,794
Speaker 6: are willing to risk your health, your wellbeing, your mental health,

605
00:27:25,034 --> 00:27:28,834
Speaker 6: your relationships, your delight, your fun, your connection to self

606
00:27:28,834 --> 00:27:34,674
Speaker 6: and others, that may be a situation where knowing that

607
00:27:34,714 --> 00:27:36,874
Speaker 6: you're going to die one day may give you a

608
00:27:36,874 --> 00:27:37,674
Speaker 6: bit more clarity.

609
00:27:38,874 --> 00:27:40,714
Speaker 4: What do you think, I don't like it inspiring or

610
00:27:40,754 --> 00:27:41,554
Speaker 4: does it make you feel sick?

611
00:27:41,594 --> 00:27:43,674
Speaker 1: It makes me feel sick. And also I feel like

612
00:27:43,914 --> 00:27:47,474
Speaker 1: with the like work analogy, we're treating it like death

613
00:27:47,514 --> 00:27:50,793
Speaker 1: is literally on our doorstep, like tomorrow. But it could be.

614
00:27:50,874 --> 00:27:53,594
Speaker 1: That's that it could be, but it's most likely not.

615
00:27:53,794 --> 00:27:55,833
Speaker 1: So what you quit your job, but you're just waiting

616
00:27:56,914 --> 00:27:59,994
Speaker 1: everybody touch everyone, touch hoood. You quit your job, and

617
00:28:00,034 --> 00:28:02,674
Speaker 1: then what you have like fifty more years.

618
00:28:02,634 --> 00:28:03,954
Speaker 4: But you know, but it's coming.

619
00:28:03,994 --> 00:28:06,313
Speaker 3: There's this thought experiment that says, like, Okay, if I

620
00:28:06,474 --> 00:28:10,314
Speaker 3: lived every week like my last week, like the last week.

621
00:28:10,194 --> 00:28:12,513
Speaker 4: Of your life, you run out of money, yes, but

622
00:28:12,674 --> 00:28:14,314
Speaker 4: like the last week of your life.

623
00:28:14,434 --> 00:28:16,394
Speaker 3: Just think about it with how much you saw your friends,

624
00:28:16,434 --> 00:28:18,234
Speaker 3: how much you worked, how much you blah blah blah,

625
00:28:18,274 --> 00:28:20,994
Speaker 3: Like would I be happy. And if the answer is no,

626
00:28:21,594 --> 00:28:25,154
Speaker 3: then it's like, well, I might change some things because

627
00:28:25,154 --> 00:28:27,394
Speaker 3: this is a holiday that I'm on that's going to

628
00:28:27,594 --> 00:28:28,234
Speaker 3: end one day.

629
00:28:28,354 --> 00:28:30,034
Speaker 1: Realistically, what can you change?

630
00:28:30,234 --> 00:28:31,714
Speaker 2: You can change those of things. So I think the

631
00:28:31,754 --> 00:28:34,234
Speaker 2: point that she's making is like, if there's something in

632
00:28:34,274 --> 00:28:36,634
Speaker 2: your life that isn't working, whether it's a job that

633
00:28:36,714 --> 00:28:39,594
Speaker 2: you feel really strongly about but actually the stress of

634
00:28:39,634 --> 00:28:42,554
Speaker 2: it and what it's costing you is great, and that's

635
00:28:42,634 --> 00:28:45,114
Speaker 2: true for lots of people, or whether it's a relationship

636
00:28:45,474 --> 00:28:48,354
Speaker 2: that you feel you can't leave because the stakes are

637
00:28:48,354 --> 00:28:50,994
Speaker 2: really high, maybe you've got kids, maybe you've been together forever.

638
00:28:51,514 --> 00:28:54,674
Speaker 2: The point is kind of for some people, the idea

639
00:28:54,754 --> 00:28:56,794
Speaker 2: that like, you're really going to live your whole life

640
00:28:57,394 --> 00:29:00,314
Speaker 2: doing something that is making you sick or making you unhappy,

641
00:29:00,394 --> 00:29:02,514
Speaker 2: all those things, because if we just live day to

642
00:29:02,594 --> 00:29:04,154
Speaker 2: day all the time, you never think about.

643
00:29:03,954 --> 00:29:04,674
Speaker 1: That big picture.

644
00:29:05,354 --> 00:29:07,634
Speaker 2: It's only quite recently and I get this is probably

645
00:29:07,714 --> 00:29:10,794
Speaker 2: age right that this has begun to feel urgent for me.

646
00:29:10,874 --> 00:29:12,674
Speaker 2: I've always felt when I was in my twenties, when

647
00:29:12,714 --> 00:29:14,354
Speaker 2: I was your age, Jesse, like that I had all

648
00:29:14,434 --> 00:29:17,234
Speaker 2: the time in the world, and so whatever path they

649
00:29:17,274 --> 00:29:19,434
Speaker 2: wanted to be under down was fine, and it was

650
00:29:19,474 --> 00:29:23,234
Speaker 2: I had lots of great adventures. But now the idea

651
00:29:23,274 --> 00:29:26,554
Speaker 2: of that chart with the white stripe at the bottom,

652
00:29:26,994 --> 00:29:29,434
Speaker 2: it does make me in a good way, like not

653
00:29:29,474 --> 00:29:32,154
Speaker 2: in a panicky way. It does make me think, well,

654
00:29:32,194 --> 00:29:33,994
Speaker 2: how much longer do I want to do X y Z?

655
00:29:34,314 --> 00:29:36,754
Speaker 2: Do I really want to hang out with this person

656
00:29:36,834 --> 00:29:39,314
Speaker 2: or that person or go and do that thing that

657
00:29:39,434 --> 00:29:42,994
Speaker 2: is taking precious days off that chart? I actually do

658
00:29:43,234 --> 00:29:44,874
Speaker 2: see the motivation there.

659
00:29:44,914 --> 00:29:47,354
Speaker 3: I think about it with travel too. I go, if

660
00:29:47,394 --> 00:29:50,074
Speaker 3: you have always wanted to go to Africa and go

661
00:29:50,114 --> 00:29:53,834
Speaker 3: on a safari, like what are we all waiting for?

662
00:29:53,994 --> 00:29:56,714
Speaker 3: Like are we waiting for time to just open up,

663
00:29:56,834 --> 00:30:00,354
Speaker 3: for the money to just appear? Like those sorts of

664
00:30:00,394 --> 00:30:02,754
Speaker 3: things you go One day, it's not gonna be possible anymore.

665
00:30:02,794 --> 00:30:08,234
Speaker 3: So I find that kind of urgency incredibly inspiring.

666
00:30:08,674 --> 00:30:10,074
Speaker 4: Like do you feel that?

667
00:30:10,634 --> 00:30:15,714
Speaker 1: No, I love it. Don't talk to me about it.

668
00:30:16,794 --> 00:30:18,514
Speaker 3: I'll ask if you find this motivating.

669
00:30:18,554 --> 00:30:18,874
Speaker 1: Okay.

670
00:30:18,914 --> 00:30:22,154
Speaker 3: There's a comedian named Hannah Burner, and she is she's

671
00:30:22,234 --> 00:30:24,354
Speaker 3: very funny, and she says before she gets on stage

672
00:30:24,354 --> 00:30:26,874
Speaker 3: every night to our show, she says to herself you're.

673
00:30:26,754 --> 00:30:27,554
Speaker 4: Going to die one day.

674
00:30:27,794 --> 00:30:29,674
Speaker 3: And then she goes out and she says it is

675
00:30:29,674 --> 00:30:33,034
Speaker 3: so liberating because she's like, so what, so what.

676
00:30:33,034 --> 00:30:33,594
Speaker 4: This is a risk.

677
00:30:33,594 --> 00:30:36,914
Speaker 3: I'm going to go and take the risks and it's inconsequential,

678
00:30:37,194 --> 00:30:39,554
Speaker 3: go and have fun. Life is short, Like can you

679
00:30:39,554 --> 00:30:40,474
Speaker 3: see the liberation in that?

680
00:30:40,594 --> 00:30:43,274
Speaker 1: I see it in a way like I very similarly,

681
00:30:43,314 --> 00:30:46,194
Speaker 1: not death, but I like, for example, when we did

682
00:30:46,194 --> 00:30:48,114
Speaker 1: that out loud live show, I was like, if I

683
00:30:48,114 --> 00:30:49,874
Speaker 1: don't do that, you will one hundred percent regret it.

684
00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:51,434
Speaker 1: I think I live up that, like, I don't want

685
00:30:51,434 --> 00:30:55,234
Speaker 1: to regret anything. Yeah, right, I have tie too much

686
00:30:55,274 --> 00:31:00,474
Speaker 1: for me. There is a new type of culture and

687
00:31:00,514 --> 00:31:04,314
Speaker 1: it is infecting all my relationships, including my friendships and

688
00:31:04,354 --> 00:31:07,674
Speaker 1: my dating life. And it is called Dawn culture. Have

689
00:31:07,794 --> 00:31:09,554
Speaker 1: we heard of Dawn culture? Well?

690
00:31:09,594 --> 00:31:11,514
Speaker 2: I think I may have told you guys about dawn

691
00:31:11,554 --> 00:31:14,634
Speaker 2: culture yesterday because I went to Yes, we stole us

692
00:31:14,634 --> 00:31:16,914
Speaker 2: from you? Yeah yeah, yeah, well ste I stole it

693
00:31:16,954 --> 00:31:20,714
Speaker 2: from somebody else. As my grandma used to say, this

694
00:31:20,834 --> 00:31:23,474
Speaker 2: now new under the sun. She used to say. Anyway,

695
00:31:24,194 --> 00:31:26,754
Speaker 2: I went to a work conference thing and there was

696
00:31:26,794 --> 00:31:29,674
Speaker 2: a forecasting trends peace. I love those things. Yeah, and

697
00:31:29,714 --> 00:31:31,514
Speaker 2: they're like, these are the things that are happening in

698
00:31:31,514 --> 00:31:34,754
Speaker 2: culture that are affecting everybody's buying and what they're doing,

699
00:31:34,834 --> 00:31:38,194
Speaker 2: and blah blah blah. And one of them was dawn culture,

700
00:31:38,594 --> 00:31:41,194
Speaker 2: and it was about how lots of savvy brands, because

701
00:31:41,194 --> 00:31:43,514
Speaker 2: this was about brands and selling things to people, have

702
00:31:43,714 --> 00:31:48,194
Speaker 2: moved there, like pop ups and celebrations from evening or

703
00:31:48,314 --> 00:31:52,234
Speaker 2: lunchtime to dawn in certain locations. This is not only

704
00:31:52,234 --> 00:31:55,194
Speaker 2: in Australia, but like because that's where all the young

705
00:31:55,354 --> 00:31:58,834
Speaker 2: people are. They are getting up really early and either

706
00:31:58,874 --> 00:32:01,474
Speaker 2: exercising or walking or meeting with their friends at the

707
00:32:01,514 --> 00:32:03,274
Speaker 2: crack of dawn instead of at the other end of

708
00:32:03,314 --> 00:32:05,474
Speaker 2: the day. And there's a whole movement of it and

709
00:32:05,514 --> 00:32:06,834
Speaker 2: it's called dawn culture.

710
00:32:07,194 --> 00:32:10,234
Speaker 1: It's ruining my life. So it's real. So it's real.

711
00:32:10,394 --> 00:32:12,834
Speaker 1: It is so real. Everyone in my life around my

712
00:32:12,914 --> 00:32:16,234
Speaker 1: age is doing this except for me apparently. So it's

713
00:32:16,274 --> 00:32:19,834
Speaker 1: like all my friends have suddenly stopped doing the let's

714
00:32:19,834 --> 00:32:22,394
Speaker 1: get drinks after work, Let's go for dinner at seven

715
00:32:22,474 --> 00:32:24,994
Speaker 1: thirty eight pm, Let's go watch a show, Let's go

716
00:32:25,034 --> 00:32:27,274
Speaker 1: walk the streets of the city at night time. They're

717
00:32:27,314 --> 00:32:29,354
Speaker 1: all like messaging me at six thirty in the morning, going,

718
00:32:29,354 --> 00:32:31,994
Speaker 1: are you free for a coffee? No, the Sun's not

719
00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:34,394
Speaker 1: free for the coffee. I am not free for coffee.

720
00:32:34,474 --> 00:32:36,834
Speaker 1: I was on my dating like swiping on my dating apps,

721
00:32:36,834 --> 00:32:39,714
Speaker 1: and I saw this profile Dawn Dating. I saw this

722
00:32:39,754 --> 00:32:42,194
Speaker 1: profile and this guy said, like he was saying his

723
00:32:42,354 --> 00:32:47,634
Speaker 1: what his most typical Sunday is like, and he wrote sunrise, ocean, swim,

724
00:32:47,834 --> 00:32:50,554
Speaker 1: breakfast at a cafe, going to the gym house, chores,

725
00:32:50,834 --> 00:32:53,194
Speaker 1: going to a spa for a sauna session, meal, prepping

726
00:32:53,274 --> 00:32:55,354
Speaker 1: for the week, watching the sunset, and in bed by

727
00:32:55,434 --> 00:32:58,794
Speaker 1: nine thirty pm. Oh no, my ideal Sunday is waking

728
00:32:58,914 --> 00:33:01,274
Speaker 1: up hoping I don't have a hangover. And that is it.

729
00:33:01,994 --> 00:33:04,794
Speaker 1: That is literally it. But it's become this huge thing,

730
00:33:05,234 --> 00:33:08,154
Speaker 1: and it's now getting to the point where if I

731
00:33:08,314 --> 00:33:10,994
Speaker 1: don't start waking up before eight thirty am, which is

732
00:33:10,994 --> 00:33:13,354
Speaker 1: the time I woke up, I'm gonna lose all my friendships.

733
00:33:13,394 --> 00:33:15,034
Speaker 2: On the weekend, the time you wake up is eight

734
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:17,674
Speaker 2: thirty am, and I think it's day. What times you

735
00:33:17,714 --> 00:33:18,954
Speaker 2: wake up on a Wednesday?

736
00:33:19,234 --> 00:33:19,794
Speaker 1: Eight fifteen?

737
00:33:19,954 --> 00:33:20,194
Speaker 3: Wow?

738
00:33:20,274 --> 00:33:25,394
Speaker 1: Toime, I'm in all it's so bad.

739
00:33:25,754 --> 00:33:28,954
Speaker 3: Apparently I mean, it's dawn culture, but there is also

740
00:33:28,994 --> 00:33:32,474
Speaker 3: something called the morning economy which is booming, which is

741
00:33:32,514 --> 00:33:38,194
Speaker 3: about like cafes, yoga classes. Apparently, like Australia is just

742
00:33:38,274 --> 00:33:42,074
Speaker 3: our obsession with breakfast has really gotten out of hand.

743
00:33:41,914 --> 00:33:43,754
Speaker 2: And now there are like morning raves you can go

744
00:33:43,794 --> 00:33:46,434
Speaker 2: to and they're not ones, they're not no alcohol yees.

745
00:33:46,434 --> 00:33:49,434
Speaker 2: So it's not ones from like after parties, which have

746
00:33:49,474 --> 00:33:54,194
Speaker 2: always existed obviously that go on from them specifically.

747
00:33:53,994 --> 00:33:55,634
Speaker 1: For the dawn culture crowds.

748
00:33:55,674 --> 00:33:57,914
Speaker 2: So there is an alcohol and it's to start your

749
00:33:57,954 --> 00:33:59,194
Speaker 2: day great and then go to work.

750
00:33:59,274 --> 00:34:01,554
Speaker 3: So this is a good thing, right because you're going

751
00:34:01,874 --> 00:34:06,434
Speaker 3: people are drinking less. Apparently the biggest days for Dawn

752
00:34:06,474 --> 00:34:10,074
Speaker 3: culture Areays and Thursdays, and they think that that's because

753
00:34:10,473 --> 00:34:13,274
Speaker 3: people go into the office midweek mostly so they're trying

754
00:34:13,314 --> 00:34:16,473
Speaker 3: to get their exercise or they're socializing in before they

755
00:34:16,474 --> 00:34:19,074
Speaker 3: go to the office. I also think when we start

756
00:34:19,114 --> 00:34:21,834
Speaker 3: work has gotten earlier and earlier. It's not nine o'clock anymore.

757
00:34:21,834 --> 00:34:23,274
Speaker 3: A lot of people need to be in the office

758
00:34:23,274 --> 00:34:25,154
Speaker 3: before that, in which case they.

759
00:34:25,154 --> 00:34:26,314
Speaker 4: Need to be up at three am.

760
00:34:26,714 --> 00:34:29,393
Speaker 3: The other thing that I read was that I want

761
00:34:29,394 --> 00:34:32,154
Speaker 3: you to guess what city in the world is the

762
00:34:32,234 --> 00:34:34,594
Speaker 3: earliest to go to bed and the earliest to wake up?

763
00:34:34,914 --> 00:34:36,874
Speaker 1: It might be Sydney, it's.

764
00:34:36,674 --> 00:34:38,794
Speaker 3: Not, but it's an Australian city. You get one more

765
00:34:38,834 --> 00:34:45,914
Speaker 3: guess and Perth, No, Melbourne, Brisbane earliest to bed, earliest

766
00:34:45,954 --> 00:34:48,194
Speaker 3: to wake up. Apparently it's like ten something there in

767
00:34:48,234 --> 00:34:51,473
Speaker 3: bed in the world six something yep. And not only that,

768
00:34:52,034 --> 00:34:54,554
Speaker 3: but like they're getting a really good sleep, whereas like

769
00:34:54,594 --> 00:34:57,913
Speaker 3: in New York, Japan, even Melbourne they say that the

770
00:34:57,954 --> 00:35:01,354
Speaker 3: average is like six hours something. Brisbane, they're sleeping a lot,

771
00:35:01,474 --> 00:35:03,873
Speaker 3: They're just getting up really early. And I wonder if

772
00:35:03,874 --> 00:35:05,714
Speaker 3: this is also, I hate to bring it up a

773
00:35:05,714 --> 00:35:08,154
Speaker 3: bit of a climate change story. I wonder if this

774
00:35:08,234 --> 00:35:10,873
Speaker 3: is getting too hot and so if we want to

775
00:35:10,874 --> 00:35:13,274
Speaker 3: exercise and get outdoors, we have to do it before

776
00:35:13,274 --> 00:35:13,634
Speaker 3: the sun.

777
00:35:13,874 --> 00:35:16,314
Speaker 1: Well, you see all the videos I remember last year

778
00:35:16,434 --> 00:35:19,714
Speaker 1: Bondai Beach, like swarms of flies in the middle of

779
00:35:19,754 --> 00:35:21,994
Speaker 1: the day. Yeah, And I'm like, the only time you

780
00:35:22,034 --> 00:35:24,834
Speaker 1: could go was like when there's no sun. Yeah, I reckon.

781
00:35:24,834 --> 00:35:27,714
Speaker 2: There are a few things at work here, because it

782
00:35:27,834 --> 00:35:30,354
Speaker 2: is a good thing, Jesse. But one of the things

783
00:35:30,394 --> 00:35:32,474
Speaker 2: about it is like I'm an early morning person. I

784
00:35:32,514 --> 00:35:35,034
Speaker 2: didn't used to be. It happened to me weirdly, like

785
00:35:35,114 --> 00:35:35,754
Speaker 2: after kids.

786
00:35:35,794 --> 00:35:38,514
Speaker 1: Really, because do you feel you're better than other people?

787
00:35:38,634 --> 00:35:40,913
Speaker 2: No, not at all, it's just she does. Actually, I

788
00:35:41,034 --> 00:35:42,554
Speaker 2: like being outside early in the morning.

789
00:35:42,594 --> 00:35:46,034
Speaker 4: She brings it up a lot.

790
00:35:44,874 --> 00:35:47,354
Speaker 1: And he always looks so fresh and me like morning meeting.

791
00:35:47,434 --> 00:35:49,274
Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, And she's like, I went for a walk

792
00:35:49,314 --> 00:35:50,594
Speaker 4: and I had my breakfast and I'm.

793
00:35:50,434 --> 00:35:52,714
Speaker 1: Like, oh, and then traveling into States with you, I'll

794
00:35:52,714 --> 00:35:54,354
Speaker 1: come to your hotel room and you'd already been out

795
00:35:54,834 --> 00:35:57,194
Speaker 1: hour walk, just woken up. I love a walk in

796
00:35:57,234 --> 00:35:58,074
Speaker 1: the morning. It's my thing.

797
00:35:58,114 --> 00:35:59,873
Speaker 2: But part of that is because it's the only time

798
00:35:59,914 --> 00:36:01,873
Speaker 2: of day, Like you know, you train yourself, that's when

799
00:36:01,914 --> 00:36:03,194
Speaker 2: I do my exercise. If I don't do it, then

800
00:36:03,194 --> 00:36:03,834
Speaker 2: it's not getting done.

801
00:36:03,914 --> 00:36:04,393
Speaker 1: Jesse said.

802
00:36:04,434 --> 00:36:06,834
Speaker 2: Going to the gym at night person, I have never

803
00:36:06,914 --> 00:36:09,114
Speaker 2: onunderstood going to the gym at night people. That is

804
00:36:09,234 --> 00:36:11,074
Speaker 2: so I think you're you know, you're one or the other.

805
00:36:11,594 --> 00:36:13,674
Speaker 2: But the thing is is I used to live by

806
00:36:13,714 --> 00:36:15,433
Speaker 2: a beach in Sydney for a lot of years. For

807
00:36:15,474 --> 00:36:18,034
Speaker 2: twenty years, I lived by a beach in Sydney. And

808
00:36:18,434 --> 00:36:20,434
Speaker 2: when you used to go out early in the morning

809
00:36:20,474 --> 00:36:22,194
Speaker 2: when I was like pushing a pram and all those

810
00:36:22,274 --> 00:36:24,354
Speaker 2: kind of things. The only people around really at that

811
00:36:24,394 --> 00:36:27,434
Speaker 2: time were either a small number of boot campers or

812
00:36:27,514 --> 00:36:29,274
Speaker 2: people who were still out from the night before who

813
00:36:29,274 --> 00:36:31,354
Speaker 2: were like kind of shaking off their hangover, you know.

814
00:36:31,794 --> 00:36:34,473
Speaker 2: But now when I stay at that same suburb and

815
00:36:34,474 --> 00:36:37,114
Speaker 2: go down to the beach at six six thirty, it

816
00:36:37,194 --> 00:36:38,154
Speaker 2: is rammed.

817
00:36:38,674 --> 00:36:40,474
Speaker 1: There are so many.

818
00:36:40,194 --> 00:36:42,754
Speaker 2: People there, and they are all young, and they're all beautiful,

819
00:36:42,994 --> 00:36:45,114
Speaker 2: and they're all in their athleisia and some of them

820
00:36:45,154 --> 00:36:46,594
Speaker 2: are running and some of them are just catching up

821
00:36:46,634 --> 00:36:49,154
Speaker 2: for coffee, and the coffee cues are really long.

822
00:36:49,434 --> 00:36:50,393
Speaker 1: And what time would this be?

823
00:36:50,714 --> 00:36:51,354
Speaker 2: Six thirty?

824
00:36:51,474 --> 00:36:52,034
Speaker 1: Whoa?

825
00:36:52,554 --> 00:36:54,994
Speaker 2: And so I think it's God good in a way.

826
00:36:55,114 --> 00:36:57,434
Speaker 2: But it's also meant that all the peace and tranquility

827
00:36:57,474 --> 00:36:59,234
Speaker 2: and the loveliness of being out at that time of

828
00:36:59,314 --> 00:37:01,873
Speaker 2: day is kind of gone because the hordes are there.

829
00:37:02,434 --> 00:37:05,154
Speaker 2: But it's interesting that you brought up bedtime, Jesse, because

830
00:37:05,474 --> 00:37:07,993
Speaker 2: there was an article in the Wall Street Journal last

831
00:37:08,074 --> 00:37:11,034
Speaker 2: year that said that nine o'clock has become the cool

832
00:37:11,154 --> 00:37:13,314
Speaker 2: time to go to bed for young people.

833
00:37:13,474 --> 00:37:13,914
Speaker 4: Wow.

834
00:37:14,474 --> 00:37:17,354
Speaker 2: And I think about the different things I've been doing

835
00:37:17,394 --> 00:37:20,194
Speaker 2: at nine o'clock at different times in my life, you know.

836
00:37:20,554 --> 00:37:21,234
Speaker 4: Life story.

837
00:37:21,394 --> 00:37:22,033
Speaker 1: It really does.

838
00:37:22,354 --> 00:37:25,354
Speaker 2: If you think about your nine pm stories from your life,

839
00:37:25,874 --> 00:37:28,114
Speaker 2: Like there was a period when that was bedtime obviously

840
00:37:28,154 --> 00:37:30,314
Speaker 2: when you were a kid, and then there's the period

841
00:37:30,354 --> 00:37:31,314
Speaker 2: that maybe that was the.

842
00:37:31,234 --> 00:37:33,154
Speaker 1: Time you go out, you know what I mean.

843
00:37:33,234 --> 00:37:35,714
Speaker 2: It's like you might be heading out at nine o'clock

844
00:37:35,834 --> 00:37:37,834
Speaker 2: rather than coming home. And then there's the time when

845
00:37:38,034 --> 00:37:39,913
Speaker 2: that's when the kids have finally gone to bed and

846
00:37:39,954 --> 00:37:41,834
Speaker 2: you get to sit on the couch and then you

847
00:37:41,914 --> 00:37:43,714
Speaker 2: know what I mean. But like going to bed at

848
00:37:43,794 --> 00:37:48,154
Speaker 2: nine o'clock seems very early to me, but apparently it's

849
00:37:48,274 --> 00:37:50,714
Speaker 2: very cool to do that. And that's why they're saying

850
00:37:50,714 --> 00:37:53,393
Speaker 2: that dinner reservations are getting earlier and earlier. And I

851
00:37:53,514 --> 00:37:54,473
Speaker 2: was like, I went for a.

852
00:37:54,434 --> 00:37:58,074
Speaker 1: Dinner like at five pm. You're too young for that.

853
00:37:58,874 --> 00:38:01,834
Speaker 1: But you can't get a booking anymore. It's five pm

854
00:38:01,914 --> 00:38:04,634
Speaker 1: or it's nothing. And then you go there and everyone

855
00:38:04,674 --> 00:38:07,034
Speaker 1: else it's like, firstly, they're still setting up the tables,

856
00:38:07,274 --> 00:38:08,834
Speaker 1: so I'm like, why are you even open at this time?

857
00:38:09,114 --> 00:38:12,553
Speaker 1: And then it'll be like me and like someone's grandma, Yeah, but.

858
00:38:12,474 --> 00:38:14,154
Speaker 2: Apparently not because it's supposed to be when all the

859
00:38:14,194 --> 00:38:17,554
Speaker 2: cool people are going. I think you're start getting up early. Yeah,

860
00:38:17,594 --> 00:38:20,234
Speaker 2: because that's apparently where all the squeaky clean people are.

861
00:38:20,234 --> 00:38:23,513
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll join you for your walks. We won't pick up.

862
00:38:23,914 --> 00:38:25,674
Speaker 1: If you're with me, you're not going to pick up.

863
00:38:27,074 --> 00:38:37,234
Speaker 2: I'm going to be that god, not him, Maybe him.

864
00:38:33,474 --> 00:38:36,594
Speaker 3: After the break a TV show, a recipe, and something

865
00:38:36,634 --> 00:38:39,034
Speaker 3: death adjacent. It is light and shade on our Fridays.

866
00:38:39,074 --> 00:38:42,394
Speaker 3: It is time for recommendations.

867
00:38:42,114 --> 00:38:43,834
Speaker 1: One unlimited out loud access.

868
00:38:43,994 --> 00:38:48,033
Speaker 2: We drop episodes every Tuesday and Thursday exclusively for Mamma

869
00:38:48,074 --> 00:38:48,993
Speaker 2: Mia subscribers.

870
00:38:49,354 --> 00:38:50,914
Speaker 1: Follow the link of the show notes.

871
00:38:50,674 --> 00:38:52,994
Speaker 2: To get us in your ears five days a week.

872
00:38:53,194 --> 00:38:56,553
Speaker 2: And a huge thank you to all our current subscribers.

873
00:39:03,354 --> 00:39:07,034
Speaker 1: Vibes ideas atmosphere, something casual, something far.

874
00:39:07,794 --> 00:39:09,314
Speaker 4: This is my best recommendation.

875
00:39:10,274 --> 00:39:14,634
Speaker 3: It's Friday, so we wanted to help set up your weekend. Holly,

876
00:39:14,834 --> 00:39:16,274
Speaker 3: what have you got for us today?

877
00:39:16,834 --> 00:39:19,234
Speaker 2: I've got a TV show that's really good, But I'm

878
00:39:19,274 --> 00:39:22,674
Speaker 2: also going to pretend that I haven't been absolutely obsessed

879
00:39:22,714 --> 00:39:23,953
Speaker 2: with Celebrity Traders UK.

880
00:39:24,194 --> 00:39:25,234
Speaker 1: Have you watched any of that?

881
00:39:25,354 --> 00:39:26,434
Speaker 4: Why is this already?

882
00:39:26,474 --> 00:39:28,674
Speaker 1: One's talking about it is so good.

883
00:39:28,714 --> 00:39:30,474
Speaker 2: I was going to recommend it, but then I realize

884
00:39:30,474 --> 00:39:32,393
Speaker 2: I'm too late because it's just finished. But if you've

885
00:39:32,434 --> 00:39:36,274
Speaker 2: managed to avoid the tsunami of like of content about it,

886
00:39:36,274 --> 00:39:37,873
Speaker 2: it's all on ten play and you can watch it

887
00:39:37,874 --> 00:39:40,993
Speaker 2: from the beginning. So it's the British reality show where

888
00:39:40,994 --> 00:39:42,433
Speaker 2: they put a lot of people in the castle and

889
00:39:42,434 --> 00:39:43,434
Speaker 2: you have to guess which ones.

890
00:39:43,314 --> 00:39:43,674
Speaker 1: Are the trader?

891
00:39:43,714 --> 00:39:45,154
Speaker 4: Are they randoms or are they famous?

892
00:39:45,234 --> 00:39:47,433
Speaker 2: These ones are famous because it's celebrity Traders and it's

893
00:39:47,514 --> 00:39:50,274
Speaker 2: such a good cast. It's like Stephen Frye and Celia

894
00:39:50,274 --> 00:39:54,594
Speaker 2: Imrie and Alan Carr and like just all these really funny,

895
00:39:54,594 --> 00:39:58,474
Speaker 2: brilliant people. And Claudia Winkleman who hosts that show, like

896
00:39:58,634 --> 00:40:01,714
Speaker 2: I am so obsessed with her. She's so obsessed with

897
00:40:01,754 --> 00:40:04,433
Speaker 2: her anyway, So what I've really been watching is just

898
00:40:04,474 --> 00:40:06,993
Speaker 2: that on my laptop because Brent refuses see thinks it's trash,

899
00:40:07,034 --> 00:40:07,554
Speaker 2: and I'm.

900
00:40:07,394 --> 00:40:09,194
Speaker 1: Just like, you don't know my life.

901
00:40:09,234 --> 00:40:12,794
Speaker 2: But what we've been watching together that you should all

902
00:40:12,794 --> 00:40:14,473
Speaker 2: get on board with because it's dropping week to week

903
00:40:14,914 --> 00:40:17,834
Speaker 2: is a new show called Down Cemetery Road.

904
00:40:18,234 --> 00:40:18,794
Speaker 1: It's heavy.

905
00:40:19,034 --> 00:40:21,114
Speaker 2: Meal would like it, but she's not here anymore.

906
00:40:22,794 --> 00:40:25,794
Speaker 1: Yes, she's very cool. Yeah, leather jacket.

907
00:40:25,834 --> 00:40:27,834
Speaker 2: So it's based on the first book by the guy

908
00:40:27,834 --> 00:40:29,554
Speaker 2: who went on to write the Slow Horses books.

909
00:40:29,554 --> 00:40:33,754
Speaker 1: So it's like blow Horses, Great show, Holly, you should

910
00:40:33,754 --> 00:40:34,234
Speaker 1: get on this.

911
00:40:34,394 --> 00:40:37,754
Speaker 3: It's a great it's amazing.

912
00:40:38,034 --> 00:40:39,354
Speaker 1: Similarly, I'm going to.

913
00:40:42,954 --> 00:40:47,393
Speaker 2: Really like one documentary Okay, okay, so down Cemetery Road

914
00:40:47,434 --> 00:40:49,074
Speaker 2: written by that guy, so you get a vibe. But

915
00:40:49,194 --> 00:40:52,674
Speaker 2: it is amazing because the main woman is called Sarah

916
00:40:52,714 --> 00:40:54,993
Speaker 2: Tucker the character, and she's played by Ruth Wilson, who

917
00:40:55,034 --> 00:40:56,674
Speaker 2: if you saw her you'd know exactly who she is.

918
00:40:56,714 --> 00:41:00,393
Speaker 2: She's a brilliant actress. But she is an art restorer

919
00:41:00,594 --> 00:41:03,394
Speaker 2: who's married to this investment Manka, which God knows why,

920
00:41:03,514 --> 00:41:05,634
Speaker 2: and they live in this house in Oxford. And anyway,

921
00:41:05,674 --> 00:41:08,354
Speaker 2: one night they're having dinner party from hell too much

922
00:41:08,394 --> 00:41:10,754
Speaker 2: detail to go into, and their window blows in because

923
00:41:10,754 --> 00:41:14,393
Speaker 2: across the road there is an explosion. And this explosion

924
00:41:14,514 --> 00:41:18,074
Speaker 2: kills two adults and sends a little kid to hospital.

925
00:41:18,594 --> 00:41:21,554
Speaker 2: And when Sarah becomes obsessed with finding out what's happened

926
00:41:21,594 --> 00:41:24,794
Speaker 2: to this little girl, she sort of stumbles into.

927
00:41:24,554 --> 00:41:26,594
Speaker 1: A web of intrigue. Right, I guess you'd say.

928
00:41:26,634 --> 00:41:29,154
Speaker 2: And then she goes to get some help from this

929
00:41:29,194 --> 00:41:32,114
Speaker 2: private detective agency which is run by this married couple

930
00:41:32,194 --> 00:41:34,554
Speaker 2: and the woman is called Zoe Baum and she is

931
00:41:34,554 --> 00:41:35,634
Speaker 2: played by Emma Thompson.

932
00:41:36,114 --> 00:41:39,074
Speaker 1: And it is the most glorious show.

933
00:41:39,314 --> 00:41:42,073
Speaker 2: Like how many episodes if there are eight, but only

934
00:41:42,074 --> 00:41:45,274
Speaker 2: three have dropped, okay, and they're dropping once a week.

935
00:41:45,394 --> 00:41:47,674
Speaker 1: And the tone of it is so interesting.

936
00:41:47,674 --> 00:41:51,434
Speaker 2: It's kind of slightly surreal, and it's funny and it's dark,

937
00:41:51,514 --> 00:41:54,913
Speaker 2: and Emma Thompson is amazing and so Sarah Tucker. And

938
00:41:54,954 --> 00:41:58,434
Speaker 2: there's just lots of smart stuff in there about motherhood

939
00:41:58,474 --> 00:42:01,034
Speaker 2: and crime and capital. But the actual show is just

940
00:42:01,154 --> 00:42:04,993
Speaker 2: so enjoyable. Out loud As are going to fricking love

941
00:42:04,994 --> 00:42:06,433
Speaker 2: it if they're not on it already, and you need

942
00:42:06,434 --> 00:42:08,913
Speaker 2: to watch it so we can talk about it down road.

943
00:42:08,954 --> 00:42:10,914
Speaker 1: It's on Apple TV. Plus.

944
00:42:10,954 --> 00:42:14,354
Speaker 3: I'm sold, all right, I'm jumping in now, look full transparency.

945
00:42:14,354 --> 00:42:16,714
Speaker 3: I was going to recommend this incredible hair brush that's

946
00:42:16,754 --> 00:42:18,954
Speaker 3: changed my life, but then I went on the internet

947
00:42:18,994 --> 00:42:20,554
Speaker 3: and it's only available for pre order.

948
00:42:20,554 --> 00:42:21,834
Speaker 4: They're out, and I was like, I'm not doing that

949
00:42:21,834 --> 00:42:23,274
Speaker 4: too out Louder, we're not pre ordering.

950
00:42:23,474 --> 00:42:25,234
Speaker 3: Once it's back, I'm going to tell you about it

951
00:42:25,274 --> 00:42:26,714
Speaker 3: so that you can press and you can buy it.

952
00:42:26,754 --> 00:42:28,834
Speaker 4: I need a good hairr Yes, it's incredible.

953
00:42:28,874 --> 00:42:31,073
Speaker 1: Maybe we'll just share yours help.

954
00:42:31,634 --> 00:42:34,954
Speaker 3: This hair brush is amazing. But anyway, I was like, Okay,

955
00:42:34,994 --> 00:42:38,794
Speaker 3: I can't do my hairbrush. So I have a slightly

956
00:42:39,034 --> 00:42:42,994
Speaker 3: grim quiet rogue recommendation that is adjacent to the death discussion,

957
00:42:43,154 --> 00:42:45,714
Speaker 3: which is it was my grandfather's funeral the other week.

958
00:42:45,714 --> 00:42:48,194
Speaker 3: I think I brought it up and we did something

959
00:42:48,834 --> 00:42:51,674
Speaker 3: there that people have talked about since and said that's

960
00:42:51,714 --> 00:42:53,354
Speaker 3: something I want to do at my funeral. So I

961
00:42:53,394 --> 00:42:56,034
Speaker 3: just wanted to plant the seed as something that you

962
00:42:56,114 --> 00:42:58,674
Speaker 3: might think about, you know, one day when you find

963
00:42:58,674 --> 00:42:59,354
Speaker 3: yourself well.

964
00:42:59,434 --> 00:43:01,873
Speaker 2: And also, like we were being quite flippant when we

965
00:43:01,874 --> 00:43:04,513
Speaker 2: were talking about that, like you know, live every day

966
00:43:04,554 --> 00:43:05,594
Speaker 2: like it's your last kind of thing.

967
00:43:05,594 --> 00:43:06,754
Speaker 1: But people are losing.

968
00:43:06,594 --> 00:43:09,674
Speaker 2: People all the time. Yeah, and having ideas of how

969
00:43:09,714 --> 00:43:12,434
Speaker 2: to remember them well is always really important.

970
00:43:12,474 --> 00:43:12,914
Speaker 4: Exactly.

971
00:43:12,994 --> 00:43:16,554
Speaker 3: So what we did was Pop was a Catholic, so

972
00:43:16,634 --> 00:43:19,514
Speaker 3: we went to like the actual service was in a

973
00:43:19,674 --> 00:43:22,234
Speaker 3: church and it was quite religious, which was really beautiful

974
00:43:22,234 --> 00:43:24,114
Speaker 3: because I knew how much that meant to him, so

975
00:43:24,154 --> 00:43:26,513
Speaker 3: that was a real part of him. And then afterwards

976
00:43:26,674 --> 00:43:28,554
Speaker 3: there was the wake, and what we did at the

977
00:43:28,594 --> 00:43:31,674
Speaker 3: wake was hand around a microphone.

978
00:43:31,754 --> 00:43:31,953
Speaker 4: You know.

979
00:43:32,034 --> 00:43:34,873
Speaker 3: There were some eulogies and they talked about his life

980
00:43:34,914 --> 00:43:35,914
Speaker 3: and they were really beautiful.

981
00:43:36,354 --> 00:43:38,433
Speaker 4: But it's a little bit more formal in a church, right,

982
00:43:38,994 --> 00:43:39,754
Speaker 4: So we did this thing.

983
00:43:39,754 --> 00:43:41,594
Speaker 3: I don't even know how long it went for, but

984
00:43:41,754 --> 00:43:46,994
Speaker 3: it was so insightful and funny and beautiful to just

985
00:43:47,034 --> 00:43:50,114
Speaker 3: hand this microphone around where a lot of people who

986
00:43:50,234 --> 00:43:52,434
Speaker 3: maybe they were inappropriate stories they wouldn't have wanted to

987
00:43:52,474 --> 00:43:53,194
Speaker 3: tell in a church.

988
00:43:53,274 --> 00:43:55,154
Speaker 4: Yeah, maybe there.

989
00:43:55,074 --> 00:43:59,354
Speaker 3: Was some like confessions or like I've spoken on this

990
00:43:59,434 --> 00:44:01,913
Speaker 3: show about my pop up until he was over the

991
00:44:01,914 --> 00:44:04,234
Speaker 3: age of ninety, was caring for my cousin with an

992
00:44:04,234 --> 00:44:09,314
Speaker 3: intellectual disability, and their relationship was iconic also hilarious because

993
00:44:09,354 --> 00:44:10,194
Speaker 3: they drove each.

994
00:44:10,074 --> 00:44:12,873
Speaker 4: Other mad, and so it was funny to kind of.

995
00:44:12,794 --> 00:44:16,274
Speaker 3: Get there and everyone go, Okay, I know we've romanticized

996
00:44:16,274 --> 00:44:18,513
Speaker 3: a relationship, but can we also remember and just tell

997
00:44:18,554 --> 00:44:22,314
Speaker 3: these funny stories. Two people, my cousin and his mother,

998
00:44:22,514 --> 00:44:25,593
Speaker 3: both have intellectual disabilities, and they got to speak, which

999
00:44:25,634 --> 00:44:28,354
Speaker 3: was really nice, and my auntie got up and said

1000
00:44:28,354 --> 00:44:30,194
Speaker 3: I've never seen a dead body, which was just a

1001
00:44:30,234 --> 00:44:32,714
Speaker 3: really inappropriate thing to say. But it wouldn't have been

1002
00:44:32,754 --> 00:44:33,994
Speaker 3: Pop's funeral without that.

1003
00:44:35,154 --> 00:44:37,514
Speaker 4: I'm not laughing, so you have to laugh.

1004
00:44:37,554 --> 00:44:39,714
Speaker 3: Yeh, that's the thing, right, and especially when it is

1005
00:44:39,754 --> 00:44:42,634
Speaker 3: such a celebration of life because he lived to ninety eight.

1006
00:44:43,154 --> 00:44:47,194
Speaker 3: It was the most beautiful ritual to kind of have

1007
00:44:47,354 --> 00:44:50,114
Speaker 3: everyone share something, and I did. I don't know if

1008
00:44:50,114 --> 00:44:51,514
Speaker 3: it was in the out louders or where I saw it,

1009
00:44:51,514 --> 00:44:54,473
Speaker 3: and it reminded me of the Jane Goodall conversation you

1010
00:44:54,514 --> 00:44:57,754
Speaker 3: guys had a few weeks ago about your last words,

1011
00:44:57,754 --> 00:45:01,194
Speaker 3: but someone said because we knew Pop was old, he

1012
00:45:01,234 --> 00:45:05,914
Speaker 3: had dementia. And I heard someone say they asked a parent,

1013
00:45:06,194 --> 00:45:07,834
Speaker 3: what do you want the last words your funeral to be?

1014
00:45:08,074 --> 00:45:10,393
Speaker 3: Or whatever, and then they got up and said them,

1015
00:45:10,434 --> 00:45:11,834
Speaker 3: and I was like, I wish i'd asked him that.

1016
00:45:11,914 --> 00:45:14,354
Speaker 3: I wish I'd just said to him, what would you

1017
00:45:14,674 --> 00:45:16,994
Speaker 3: be your last words and then present it in that

1018
00:45:17,114 --> 00:45:20,033
Speaker 3: kind of format, because it's so weird. You can know

1019
00:45:20,194 --> 00:45:22,274
Speaker 3: that someone doesn't have all the time in the world

1020
00:45:22,314 --> 00:45:26,393
Speaker 3: and you still avoid those conversations. So it was a

1021
00:45:26,394 --> 00:45:28,393
Speaker 3: really beautiful thing to do also.

1022
00:45:28,154 --> 00:45:31,154
Speaker 1: With wakes, You're already doing that with people. Yeah, you're

1023
00:45:31,154 --> 00:45:34,194
Speaker 1: all just talking about that person and how they affected

1024
00:45:34,234 --> 00:45:36,154
Speaker 1: your life. And a lot of people that I've met,

1025
00:45:36,154 --> 00:45:38,834
Speaker 1: even at my grandfather's wake, with people I never knew,

1026
00:45:39,314 --> 00:45:40,754
Speaker 1: and like, how did you know this person? And I

1027
00:45:40,754 --> 00:45:42,674
Speaker 1: think just having a mic and doing that in front

1028
00:45:42,714 --> 00:45:44,434
Speaker 1: of everyone's just such a good idea.

1029
00:45:44,594 --> 00:45:47,873
Speaker 3: It's like it already doing and it was genuinely really

1030
00:45:48,034 --> 00:45:51,514
Speaker 3: entertaining and lovely. So yeah, it was a lovely little ritual.

1031
00:45:51,634 --> 00:45:52,274
Speaker 2: That's beautiful.

1032
00:45:52,354 --> 00:45:54,794
Speaker 4: Jesse M, what is your recommendation?

1033
00:45:55,234 --> 00:46:00,073
Speaker 1: Huge news. I've started cooking so happy for you so much.

1034
00:46:00,154 --> 00:46:02,234
Speaker 1: I realized I was pushing thirty and it's not really

1035
00:46:02,314 --> 00:46:04,033
Speaker 1: like people don't react the same way when I say

1036
00:46:04,074 --> 00:46:09,994
Speaker 1: I don't cook. Yeah, you're thirty, you need a cook bad.

1037
00:46:10,514 --> 00:46:12,473
Speaker 1: I still have this fear of cooking meat, like I

1038
00:46:12,514 --> 00:46:14,834
Speaker 1: haven't worked my way through it yet. I think I

1039
00:46:14,914 --> 00:46:17,474
Speaker 1: am always scared of something going wrong. So I started small.

1040
00:46:17,474 --> 00:46:20,354
Speaker 1: I started with salmon, and I got like the salmon

1041
00:46:20,394 --> 00:46:24,194
Speaker 1: recipe from recipe and Eats Nagi another great best. It

1042
00:46:24,234 --> 00:46:27,834
Speaker 1: was like these little salmon bite twelve minutes and it's

1043
00:46:27,834 --> 00:46:31,994
Speaker 1: like the best tasting fish ever fish, So it's literally okay.

1044
00:46:32,074 --> 00:46:34,914
Speaker 1: So you literally get like your salmon filets without the skin,

1045
00:46:35,194 --> 00:46:37,154
Speaker 1: and you dice them up and then you coat them

1046
00:46:37,154 --> 00:46:39,074
Speaker 1: and all of these spices that you should already have

1047
00:46:39,114 --> 00:46:41,714
Speaker 1: in your pantry, like I had them in my pan. Yeah,

1048
00:46:41,754 --> 00:46:44,274
Speaker 1: well I had to buy new ones because mine solidified.

1049
00:46:45,314 --> 00:46:47,194
Speaker 2: Them and then you have to bang them on the table.

1050
00:46:47,314 --> 00:46:47,714
Speaker 1: I get it.

1051
00:46:47,714 --> 00:46:49,674
Speaker 4: Did you know you're meant to change your spices like

1052
00:46:49,714 --> 00:46:50,274
Speaker 4: once a year?

1053
00:46:50,354 --> 00:46:53,394
Speaker 1: Yeah, once a year, surely not five years. I don't.

1054
00:46:54,114 --> 00:46:56,674
Speaker 2: It is true that often I'll go rabajing for something

1055
00:46:56,714 --> 00:46:58,354
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, maybe not.

1056
00:46:58,674 --> 00:47:01,154
Speaker 4: I have a question about the salmon. Does it taste fishy?

1057
00:47:01,314 --> 00:47:04,073
Speaker 1: It doesn't taste fish. It's fish. It's like it tastes

1058
00:47:04,114 --> 00:47:07,433
Speaker 1: like salmon, but it's like there's so much how much

1059
00:47:07,474 --> 00:47:10,913
Speaker 1: spices and it becomes really crispy. And her hack when

1060
00:47:10,954 --> 00:47:12,714
Speaker 1: you put them in the oven is to like scrunch

1061
00:47:12,794 --> 00:47:15,634
Speaker 1: up foil and then put the foil on the tray

1062
00:47:15,714 --> 00:47:17,674
Speaker 1: so it has like these little grooves, because if you

1063
00:47:17,674 --> 00:47:19,794
Speaker 1: put salmon on a tray, the underneath becomes like a

1064
00:47:19,794 --> 00:47:20,394
Speaker 1: bit slimy.

1065
00:47:20,474 --> 00:47:21,114
Speaker 4: Yes, that's true.

1066
00:47:21,154 --> 00:47:22,794
Speaker 1: So if you have the little grooves and the foil.

1067
00:47:22,914 --> 00:47:24,954
Speaker 1: It acts like a little prong, so this whole salmon

1068
00:47:24,994 --> 00:47:26,594
Speaker 1: gets crispy and you don't.

1069
00:47:26,394 --> 00:47:28,154
Speaker 4: Have to turn them, okay, And.

1070
00:47:28,114 --> 00:47:29,634
Speaker 1: So I've been making these little salmon bowls. I have

1071
00:47:29,714 --> 00:47:31,913
Speaker 1: my salmon that I made myself, and then I have

1072
00:47:32,034 --> 00:47:34,754
Speaker 1: like some rice and some tomato and some avocado and

1073
00:47:34,794 --> 00:47:37,433
Speaker 1: some like Perry Perry sauce and some lettuce. And it's

1074
00:47:37,474 --> 00:47:40,194
Speaker 1: so good. And I've been telling everyone in the office

1075
00:47:40,354 --> 00:47:43,234
Speaker 1: and healthy and protein, oh soap protein, big one.

1076
00:47:43,314 --> 00:47:44,994
Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, you are better than me.

1077
00:47:45,314 --> 00:47:47,714
Speaker 1: I love that in the show notes because it's yummyummy me.

1078
00:47:47,994 --> 00:47:49,514
Speaker 2: Oh, Jesse, you've got one more thing to tell the

1079
00:47:49,514 --> 00:47:51,834
Speaker 2: out louders about before we read ourselves out.

1080
00:47:51,754 --> 00:47:53,954
Speaker 3: I do if you are looking for something else to

1081
00:47:54,034 --> 00:47:58,514
Speaker 3: listen to. We did a Subscribe episode yesterday about letters

1082
00:47:58,594 --> 00:48:02,274
Speaker 3: to juliet which is this kind of practice in Verona,

1083
00:48:02,834 --> 00:48:06,674
Speaker 3: where you know, the Shakespearean play goes that Juliette lived,

1084
00:48:07,154 --> 00:48:09,393
Speaker 3: and there's this practice where people write her letters. And

1085
00:48:09,434 --> 00:48:12,274
Speaker 3: this incredible feature came out recently about the most common

1086
00:48:12,354 --> 00:48:16,513
Speaker 3: question she gets asked and we attempt to answer it.

1087
00:48:16,514 --> 00:48:18,593
Speaker 3: It's about love and finding the one.

1088
00:48:18,754 --> 00:48:21,354
Speaker 4: It got very deep. It is a lovely conversation. There

1089
00:48:21,354 --> 00:48:22,474
Speaker 4: is a link in our show notes.

1090
00:48:22,874 --> 00:48:24,594
Speaker 2: Massive thank you to all for being here with us.

1091
00:48:24,674 --> 00:48:27,513
Speaker 2: I want to tempt you over to YouTube to watch

1092
00:48:27,594 --> 00:48:30,834
Speaker 2: us there, because you know I'll find a hairbrush one day.

1093
00:48:30,834 --> 00:48:34,794
Speaker 2: I'm sure out louders say things about our YouTube show

1094
00:48:35,034 --> 00:48:37,993
Speaker 2: like Chad Powers. That was your recommendation last week.

1095
00:48:38,114 --> 00:48:39,314
Speaker 1: Everyone loved that one.

1096
00:48:40,074 --> 00:48:43,714
Speaker 2: Chad Powers is great as our EM's boobs. It seems

1097
00:48:43,794 --> 00:48:45,434
Speaker 2: inappropriate that people are.

1098
00:48:45,434 --> 00:48:47,634
Speaker 4: Wanted to be out loud as they're just being encouraging.

1099
00:48:48,514 --> 00:48:51,074
Speaker 2: Lots of people talked about how they thought that you're

1100
00:48:51,074 --> 00:48:53,234
Speaker 2: going without a brow is a great idea, and I'm like,

1101
00:48:53,354 --> 00:48:55,274
Speaker 2: are we really encouraging people to go and watch YouTube

1102
00:48:55,274 --> 00:48:55,994
Speaker 2: to look at ms boobs?

1103
00:48:56,034 --> 00:48:58,634
Speaker 1: And then I remember that I literally did that, which

1104
00:48:58,674 --> 00:49:01,354
Speaker 1: is fine. I've also today gone brothers. Yeah, oh I

1105
00:49:01,394 --> 00:49:02,154
Speaker 1: love it.

1106
00:49:02,234 --> 00:49:05,594
Speaker 4: I think it'll really increase our numbers out louders.

1107
00:49:05,794 --> 00:49:09,034
Speaker 2: So you heard us talking about Michelle Obama refusing to

1108
00:49:09,074 --> 00:49:12,674
Speaker 2: take parenting advice from young people. If you feel that

1109
00:49:12,834 --> 00:49:15,914
Speaker 2: in your bones, you would love our sister show Parenting

1110
00:49:16,034 --> 00:49:20,594
Speaker 2: out Loud. It's not parenting advice, it's the conversations about parenting.

1111
00:49:20,634 --> 00:49:24,514
Speaker 2: We actually want to have our Amelia Lester, Stacey Hicks,

1112
00:49:24,514 --> 00:49:28,234
Speaker 2: and Monique Bowley unpacked the week in parenting pop culture.

1113
00:49:28,594 --> 00:49:31,474
Speaker 2: This week, they talk skin care for toddlers, how Princess

1114
00:49:31,554 --> 00:49:34,034
Speaker 2: Catherine and Prince William told their kids about her cancer,

1115
00:49:34,354 --> 00:49:37,274
Speaker 2: and whether we need to stop telling moms it takes

1116
00:49:37,314 --> 00:49:40,834
Speaker 2: a village search parenting out loud and hit follow. It's

1117
00:49:40,914 --> 00:49:43,913
Speaker 2: the kind of show Michelle Obama would bloody love.

1118
00:49:44,594 --> 00:49:50,914
Speaker 4: Bye Bye, Mamma.

1119
00:49:50,954 --> 00:49:53,794
Speaker 2: Mia acknowledges the traditional owners of the land on which

1120
00:49:53,834 --> 00:49:55,274
Speaker 2: we've recorded this podcast.